Blood Diamond Should be Retitled to: Calvin Klein Runs Amok in Africa.

Rating: 1/10 (14 December 2010)

With much anticipation, I first viewed what I thought would be a poignant film with an interesting 'subject matter' (hence the film's title) about a week ago.
Boy, I mean, Maan, did those Hollywood liberals get it wrong; to be honest, that much was to be expected.
For starters, everyone is miscast: Leo DiCaprio as the tough guy ex- Rhodie? Pluuuuhesse! Enter Jennifer Connelly straight from the CNN News castoffs list as Maddy (Who thought of that yuppie, fake name?). She, parades around the beach bar at Freetown, with one breast a-dangling and bumps and groans aloud with the other fake name Danny Archer boy. They hit-it-off with designer beers, phony fags and much clichéd trash talk, actually fluff sounds. Oh yeah... 'Danny boy' comes replete with a wretched South African accent; which sounds less than wooden. He hardly qualifies as a respectable 'crunchie' let alone bushveld hardened ex-Rhodie fighter.
They are all pathetic, even Djimon Hounsou. Okay, he did pump a little iron between scenes. But even that didn't help him kick Danny boy's tight ass character. What a wimp (both of them).
This B-Rated film even stole heavily from the ancient Greeks. The real baddie (African rebel RUF RUFF captain ) is transformed into a silver eyed Cyclops, who then gets his comeuppance from a diamond encrusted shovel, though on the back of his plaster padded skull.
Let me explore the plot/theme. Wait a New York minute... There wasn't one. Ahh, yes. Now I remember. It was, get this: TIA (This is Africa). Translation: Ho Ho Ho, Green Giant, Slippery, Slick, Treeky Transnational Corporation.
The aforementioned message is approved by Sotheby's, De Beers, The South Hollandia Pretty Green Bottle Beers export subsidiary and The Blue and White Tobacco Company.
Well, by now you guessed my opinion: This supposed social commentary film amounted to not much more than pure poppycock. And I am kind.
Who in their right mind would even assign more than one star for this flesh-for-fantasy flic? Well, some ninnies, even gave ten of their crooked thumbs. Or something equally ludicrous.
However, my film review is not complete without mention of at least one redemptive quality. The outright winner: AK47 (Chinese version) OR the RPG launch sequence.
Oh, Danny boy, you have been found 'wanting' but not much more.
Go figure!