Ridiculous in More Ways Than I Can Count

Rating: 4/10 (27 December 2006)

Just in time for the holiday season, director Edward Zwick offers the latest in his long line of bloated, liberal do-gooder movies, this one designed to make a bunch of privileged Americans feel ever-so-slightly-guilty about all of their Christmas consumerism. Of course, he (and Hollywood) doesn't want you to feel TOO bad about it (they want to make money off of us after all), so he gussies up his movie with a bunch of traditional action-movie histrionics that maybe wouldn't seem ridiculous if this was a jungle flick from the 1940s, but that in the here and now of 2006 feels like a hopeless attempt to give us our medicine with one hand while spoon feeding us ice cream with the other.
This is sanctimonious, hypocritical film-making as only Hollywood can deliver, folks. Let's show people what it's like in Africa, but let's not make it too realistic for them or they might not enjoy that popcorn they're scarfing down. We could tell the real story the way it really is, though no one would come to see it, or we can show Djimon Hounsou and Leonardo DiCaprio flexing their pecs and capitalize on people's love of a good ol' blockbuster.
DiCaprio plays a jaded diamond smuggler with a heart of gold. Jennifer Connelley plays a fiery reporter with whom he falls in love (yeah, right). Djimon Hounsou plays the noble savage (big surprise), who once again proves that he is cast in films primarily for his ability to scream at the top of his voice while delivering his lines. If you can muster up one ounce of concern about what happens to any of these people, good for you. I certainly couldn't, and while the lady next to me in the theater was sniffling and dabbing her eyes at any one of the film's shameless bits of sentimental nonsense, I was checking my watch and stifling a yawn.
I have no doubt that Edward Zwick has the best of intentions when making his movies, but I should have listened to my gut and stayed away from this film. He treats his audience as if they're stupid and can't understand a point unless it's underlined three times and has 20 exclamation points tacked on to the end. Yes, I'm glad that there are filmmakers who want to tell important stories to mass audiences and try to find methods of storytelling to which those audiences will respond. But if you're the kind of moviegoer who would rather engage in an intelligent discussion than listen to a bully -- no matter how well intentioned he may be -- pound away from his pulpit, Zwick's films are nearly intolerable, as this one is.
Grade: C-