Ed Zwick is one sensitive white man.

Rating: 2/10 (1 December 2006)

With a title like Blood Diamond, you'd assume we'd be talking about an action picture - the film does have some violence, but not enough to warrant an entry in the genre. The picture is instead about diamond harvesting/smuggling in the late 1990s, amidst the chaos brought on by murderous jewel-hunting rebel forces in Africa. Djimon Housou plays Solomon Vandy, a family man who must succumb to the murderous rebels in order to spare the lives of his loved ones. While being forced to work with the rebels in their quest for jewels, to be exported to serve mostly rich westerners, he finds rare diamond - one that is pink, clear, and worth a hell of a lot of money. Unfortunately, one of the rebel leaders knows what Solomon has found, but he is unable to acquire the stone from Solomon, due to an ambush on their camp. Luckily, Solomon hides the stone in the dirt off the banks of a river- And as you'd assume, the climax of the film happens there, in one of many predictable moments brought to the screen in this despicable, two-hour inspired-by-true-events motion picture.
I use the word "despicable" to describe this film because almost everything in this film is strategically placed to work our emotions. You might think that this wouldn't be a bad thing, but the way that Director Ed Zwick plays with our hearts couldn't be any more obvious nor laughable - in order to help us realize the severity of the violence and the dastardly ways of the rebels, we see innocent people have their limbs removed, be pumped full of bullets, or cry in pain for all the suffering they experience. Piece by piece, this film unfolds, with every moment becoming more calculated than the other. Thankfully, Leonardo DiCaprio shows up to give one of the worst and most annoying on-screen accents in recent history - but isn't he supposed to be South African? Sure, believe that if you want- it's still not tolerable for 130 minutes. Jennifer Connelly plays the lovely (but really concerned!) journalist Maddy Bowen, who meets DiCaprio's manipulative Danny Archer to spew fightin' words at each other to explain their separate causes - there's some chemistry between these two, since they are both straight single adults of opposite genders, and it's rather painful to watch. They both convince Solomon Vandy to go along with them through Sierra Leone and elsewhere to save his family (so he hopes)- Connelly's journalist Maddy Bowen may want just the journey, which will give her a story and some nice pictures, while DiCaprio's Danny wants that damn stone.
The more Blood Diamond advanced, the less and less I cared about the issue- seeing Solomon cry in front of his wife and children at the fenced-in camp where they are held, while Maddy Bowen snaps photos of their sadness, as well as the many other young victims who have lost their limbs to the rebels, is a prime example of the intent of this picture- these people are suffering and dealing with pain, while the non-victims stand back and examine for their benefit. It's quite fitting that Ed Zwick would continue his "cultural issue film starring a white man" saga with this devastating and cliché melodrama, which ends with a demise for DiCaprio reminiscent of his freezing near-death state towards the conclusion of Titanic (except this time, it's really funny, and our hearts "won't go on"). Connelly is basically here to support and give face, while Leo has to be the bad guy who wants to do good, as long as he gets something in the end. Only Hounsou's Solomon Vandy is the true winner in this film, with a storybook ending that will make you stand up and cheer (not because of a fitting resolution or the quality of the movie- the filmmakers want you to, dammit). I still can't exactly explain how much I hated this movie without resorting to expletives.
Movies like Blood Diamond are what make me hate Hollywood - the abuse of problems in Africa for use as an issue film (sort of like Tears of the Sun and The Constant Gardener- which are both better films) is becoming extremely tired. And for what cause, if there is any (besides making diamond owners feel guilty)? Consider the release date. Djimon Hounsou will be up for the Best Supporting Actor prize without much effort, since this is awards season. If the film industry is going to churn out movies about problems in the world, they could at least make them not feel like opportunistic garbage.