Wrong Franchise, was 2001 redone

Rating: 3/10 (15 October 2017)

I tagged this as spoilers, since I don't care if you read this. So... The Good.
2001: A Space Odyssey is fantastic. I love the movie, and believe Kubrick to be a genius. I had often wondered what life on Earth was like while HAL was off in the stars. And, Now I Know! Full sweeping visuals, Throaty scores, and a beautiful sexy cast (even you Harrison!) Just an extreme amount of slow crawling story. Yes, you can't help but agree...this is more 2001 than Blade Runner.
That said, how could I not enjoy this movie? I love 2001, and so love its sequel, Blade Runner 2049.
The Bad. Besides the name of course. Which really should've capitalized off of David Bowie's life on mars and spun it as 2001: Life on Earth with all the selling out humanly possible tying people to the movie emotionally by the musician's recent death...sigh...Movie makers barely give us anything to appreciate as far as characters. The one-eyed lady is a perfect example of a character/revolution I thought was straight out of Beneath the Planet of the Apes, lmao. And not in anyway part of the movie's story, just dumb to bring in a plot like that with no development past being a pimp.
The main henchwoman cried a few times, but the poignant scenes were to far apart for me to remember if I cared. Which I didn't/don't. Not to mention her boss was absent from the movie. A guy dressed nice and rubbed some lotion onto the skin (haha, lame) and then shows up again to threaten an old man... lols, what?!
Yeah, not a genius chess master, not a guy that looks smart, not a bit of dialogue that promotes the humanity of his product. The belly slice proves how not genius the guy is, by giving a woman a non-fatal wound. So it was gore for the sake of gore, and trying to convince me the boss is evil... Certainly not evil, but it was awful story telling.
Which brings me to The Ugly. The complete story was spread waaaaay to thin. And also had a virtual girl as the linchpin for storyline. What?! We're supposed to bring in all that was deep and searching from Blade Runner and pair it with a virtual "companion"? (Yes air quotes, just like when someone says "dancer", but we know they mean stripper.) I'm not sure, but I think that's what was expected. And, I am not sure because the story telling was so atrocious. Regardless, I picked up on the subtleties and found the movie really pairs well with 2001.
Again, No noir detective saxophone, fedora, or femme fatale. It was boring, and blatantly set the stage for sequels instead of being an actual movie. Has a feel like it went in to many directions, though not satisfying in any one direction it appeared to want to go. Bubbleboy is not my idea of a good twist.
I'm unhappy that this review sounds so critical. Since "2049: Life on Earth" was amazing! Question your humanity HAL! You question it good! Question it as a sexy virtual girl this time, HAL! Go ahead, buddy, you dance naked in the streets! Don't let anyone stop you! You're 50 ft tall, HAL! Like seeing her in her "birthday suit" would have some meaning...was she? was she BORN?! OMFG ahhhh my mind is so blown right now ahhhhh! Boo, seriously boo.
5/10 as a sequel 8/10 as a 2001 sequel 1/10 as a Blade Runner sequel, since it was less entertaining than "A Boy and His Dog" (1976)--Which is a movie that has a good ending twist.