Everything. Happens. In. Half. A. Speed.

Rating: 2/10 (9 October 2017)

SPOILERS ALERT: The biggest difference between 1982 masterpiece and this one is that in the first film everything is happening at a normal speed. In original movie people talk like they talk in real life, their move at perfectly normal, every day, common speed, it doesn't take them forever to finish the sentence, or to shape out a thought, and yet... somehow it all works perfectly together.
There's no way to know how will people (let alone robots) act or talk in thirty plus years, but if it is to be anything like in BR2049, I suspect it will be a pretty bleak and exhausting world.
From the moment one, everybody talks, walks, plays, runs in some super-strange slow-mo: I'd say at 50% of the normal speed. It takes 10 seconds for poor Ryan Gosling only to take out something from his pocket. Not to say how long it takes him to walk through the scene - so much that half way through, let's say, the orphanage part, I have already forgotten what is he doing there in the first place.
20 minutes into the movie, all I'm doing is wondering when this shot is going to end, when this scene is going to end, when the sequence will, and, ultimately, when the movie is going to end. This is not the way to pay a homage, to anybody or anything.
There is a reason why the shots in "2001 Odyssey..." are that long, somebody should've warned the director about that. And there's also a reason why all shots in the original BR are that tight. And that's just one of the reasons to why both 2001 and BR are masterpieces. And for that same reason, BR2049 could that never be.
You don't drag out every single aspect of the movie just to make it seem serious or pretend to be an artist, no. If you do, you get very expensive, anemic boredom. I have no idea why the director did it - he hasn't done it in that fairly fair movie with Hugh Jackman. What possessed him to do it here? Was it the importance of the first movie? Was it his fear to look like a schoolboy in front of the Master? Don't know, don't care.
What a waste of great actors, class all - forcing them to engage in some sort of quasi elevated, quasi profound, but genuinely bizarre ballet that has nothing, nothing, nothing to do with the real life. The movie is three hours plus long only for the given reason - it would have been an hour shorter if had played out at normal pace.
Oh - and to end here - the biggest dread of all: a hint of a possible franchise. Please, please, please people, for the love of all that's holly. Don't.