A Shocking Disappointment

Rating: 1/10 (30 October 2017)

Watched in IMAX. Paid just under £50 for 2 tickets. Had to fight to stay awake. No story, no character development, no rhythm, no energy, no expressions on the charters' faces, no humour, no personality, no emotion, no impact, no surprises, no adventure, no reaction of any kind, no danger, no bad guy, no threat, no twist, no nothing, not a single stand-out memorable scene. Impossible to tell one character from the next. All the same blank-faced, nonspeaking, emotional retards scene after scene after scene. Everyone looking bored, tired and dozy like they've done too much sedatives. Pretentious, over-inflated themes that everyone is sick to death of. Ultra-predictable moments sold as huge reveals that we've seen 100 times in another 100 films going back 50 years. Incoherent, garbled dialogue mixed so badly you can't hear what they're saying. I couldn't understand 90% of what Jared Leto's said because he speaks in an inaudible whispering rasp with a stuttering tempo. Can't Villeneuve tell him to deliver his lines with more resonance and impact? What's wrong with them? What's the point of playing sound nobody can hear? Especially when you've paid £50 and waited 35 years for it. Men of 12 stone crashing through solid marble walls? Panoramic, aerial vistas of LA in the smog with only Gosling's flying car in shot, no other cars, vehicles, people, movement or activity across the entire city? Phony, lazy, implausible effects.
For a short time things looked promising, glowing reviews etc. But now it's evident that the Satanic hand of Hollywood has cursed everything good, everything noble. Star Wars, Alien, Tron, Ghostbusters and now poor old Blade Runner, that magnificent gem of classic sci-fi cinema.
Denis Villeneuve lacks impact, bite, ideas, imagination, a pulse and any facial expressions whatsoever. Why does he keep getting hired? His films are just TV-movies, so plain and dull. This one's like a 3-hour long designer kitchen commercial. His involvement on this film was a giant misstep. They should have got someone like Gaspar Noe, Takashi Miike or even Ridley Scott to direct it, someone with a bit of edge.
With Blade Runner 2049 Hollywood has once again looted our favourite classics and ruined them, reducing them to the realms of cheap, imagination-free, regurgitated, money- grabbing, formulaic horse-manure. I didn't want to have to ever type this but Blade Runner has now been cast atop that very manure heap, the foil of the origami unicorn just visible above the mountain of dung.
Avoid this film, it's not worth your time or money and it will ruin your memories of the strange and brilliant 1982 original. Don't encourage the scammers behind this lazy, complacent piece of trash to make more films like this because these people are killing cinema. Keep your time and money for something more constructive and rewarding.