Blade Runner 2048 Review: Hype Train Derailed

Rating: 1/10 (22 October 2017)

As someone who thought the original Blade Runner was a good interesting film that does require a good attention span, Blade Runner 2048 will test that span and not in a good way. Instead of being a deep immersive neo-noir like the original, 2048 is a boring slog that will leave you with two thoughts in it's 2 hour and 45 minute run time: "when it's the film gonna be over?" and "I really need the bathroom".
I'll try to describe the complete mess of a story the best I can, a Blade Runner named K (Ryan Gosling) finds a childhood toy that he remembers, which leads him to find Rick Deckard (Harrison Ford) the protagonist of the original Blade Runner, 30 years after his disappearance. It's been really hard to remember everything in this film because everyone and everything moved at the pace of snails and I was trying my hardest not to fall asleep or think of anything else other then "god, my bladder aches." Another thing that bothered me about this film, was it's portrayal of women. In multiple shots for example, there was this hologramed blue haired "pink" naked women to advertise these "hologram" women to cater to a bachelor's wants. I found to to be incredibly insulting to the audience's intelligence because it not only constantly shoved breasts and butt in our faces to keep our attention, but it creates the idea that all the men of the future want are naked women. Men are clearly more intelligent then that. The original did have some sexually attractive women, but we were never bombarded with them to the point of it being a distraction.
There were some good nods to the original film however. The Wallace headquarters looked well lit and interestingly decorated much like the Tyrell headquarters in the original but other then that, nothing else stood out. There's was a reason why the original's visuals were looked upon with such great praise. That's because the film was made in 1982 and people didn't even have cellphones and you were lucky to have a computer. Therefore being able to create that sense of scale in the original was a real sight to behold for 1980's audiences. But to a late 2010's audience, it's just another vast but lifeless establishing shot seen many times before.
To make things short and sweet, Blade Runner 2048 is a bland and lifeless film, just like the kind you fall asleep too. Even one of the film's main selling points which is the return of Rick doesn't even happen until the last hour of the film. In fact, the cinema room was only a few seats full and I even saw two people walk out and not come back. Need I say more.