Van Helsing wins.

Rating: 1/10 (17 April 2018)

What a stupid movie Blade is. It's a perfect blend of most of the things that were wrong with the 90s. Style over substance, violent anti-heroes, extreme blood and gore, bad music, bad CGI, unnecessary use of sunglasses and fat, flatulent people...the only reason people rate this disgusting movie higher than "Spawn" is because of the gore.
It's a very strange movie. The movie tries very hard to make us think Blade is a tough guy, but it's so forced and unnatural. The tacky opening, where blade shows up at a rave party and kills a bunch of vampires is embarrassing to watch, especially when he does that weird "ooooh yeeeaaah" gesture with his arm.
There's a disturbing Oedipal theme in this movie too. It's so blatant that I even noticed it as a kid. The absurd quote about "motherlovers" suddenly makes more sense now. Maybe there's a deleted scene of Blade trying to ice skate uphill on YouTube?
If that's not bad enough, wait till you see the flatulent, naked, Jabba the Huttish vampire who sounds like a smurf. And people took this movie seriously in 1998? They probably wanted a piece of The Nutty Professor's success. Fortunately, Blade and his mothe...I mean, girlfriend tortures the vampire to death with UV light because he's fat and ugly.
The movie isn't really about "good vs evil" either, since according to this movie, the Crucifix is powerless against vampires (they took away the most interesting thing about vampire movies). Still, there are supernatural elements in the movie. The vampires worship a pagan deity called "the blood god", and we are shown pages from a "vampire bible".
Overanalyzation time!
Does this mean that the blood god created the universe? If so, why does Blade rebel against his creator? And why does he hunt down and kill vampires, they're just a poor minority trying to worship their god. The vampire religion is shown to be the true one, right? So in a sick and twisted way (this is a sick and twisted movie, after all), Blade is Lucifer.
Now, I highly doubt that is what the filmmakers were trying to say, but when you remove the Catholic element from vampire movies, they become meaningless. I bet the filmmakers like all decent Hollywood types didn't want to offend anyone by including Christianity in a wholesome movie about mindless violence, incest and half-naked women. But what are vampires anyway? If they're just freaks of nature, why all the supernatural stuff?
Skip this garbage and watch a good vampire movie instead. Like Terrence Fisher's Dracula movies or the excellent BBC version from the 70s. Or better yet, read the original novel by Bram Stoker.