A lot of pretty pictures, but not a lot of story

Rating: 3/10 (29 December 2010)

Look guys, I do "get it". Before you tell me to "go watch a Die Hard box set", let me say that I am an adult moviegoer and I see at least 50 smaller/indie/foreign/what have you movies a year. So therefore that defense it totally useless. OK, now let's get on with the review.
I'm not really down with Darren Aronofsky to begin with. I saw Requiem For A Dream When I was teen and boy, that film messed me up good. I was compelled to watch it after being shown a compilation of clips in an anti-drug presentation, so I sought out my friend, who has quite possibly the biggest DVD collection ever. After it was done... well let's say that movie taught me my lesson about drugs well enough. In the following years his films didn't really do much- Pi was an incomprehensible mess, The Fountain I watched 3 times and didn't get, and The Wrestler started off nice but ended poorly. However, I was interested in Black Swan when I saw the trailer with Paranormal Activity 2, so tonight I finally saw it.
About the dancing scenes, as much as I actively participate in dance but know nothing about ballet, I thought they were well done. Like I said, I know absolutely nothing about ballet, so you best not trust my judgement. I thought Natalie Portman did a fantastic job, and I totally believed that Natalie did her own dancing. I thought the cast did pretty good jobs considering they were not dancers to begin with. Natalie's performance is, of course, the reason to see the movie. She is pure cash money with each performance, and this movie shows. Mila Kunis, Vincent Cassel and Barbara Hershey were good too. Oh and the movie looked pretty too. That's where the praise unfortunately stops.
Basically people seem to be raving over nothing but just a middle-of-the-road horror-thriller, but with bits of weird sex added in and several over-the-top shock moments that seemed more unintentionally hilarious than shocking. Basically it's just Mulholland Drive with any being able to care for the characters taken out (We even get the obligatory lesbian sex scene- just minus having a place). In other words, you're getting a typical messed up girl story. I didn't really feel for the Nina character at all. For one, I dunno why she wouldn't just get a red flag when Vincent Cassel's character forced a kiss on her, or when he told her to touch herself. Yet somehow she's smart enough to lash out at her over-controlling mom and tell her "I'm not 12 anymore" and dump the plush toys down the garbage disposal.
Truth be told, Black Swan is honestly just an incoherent mess. There are moments of brilliance, which all go to naught when something that reduces you to laughter (at an inappropriate moment too) comes. Yeah as you guessed, I laughed at several moments that weren't meant to be funny. Like when Nina masturbates and finds her mom in the room. Or Winona Ryder going all joker on herself. The film looks nice, has good special effects and performances, but you can dress up a pig in fancy clothing and it's still a pig.
Oh, but what do I know. Like most Oscar bait nowadays, this film will go to win awards and enjoy a bit of hype for a while. And then, of course, like any other movie, people are going to regret the hype and it will end up on most people's overrated lists.
Cue people telling me "I don't get it". Shame on me for being honest, I guess.