Horse Feathers

Rating: 1/10 (9 February 2012)

The worst thing about the very bad 'Swan' is that, somehow, people think it's a brilliant film. The best thing is that it makes you wish somebody would really center a great film in the fascinating world of ballet. This...ain't it. I read this script was developed over ten years. Really? Ten years in which to create a cartoon, horny, bombastic company director, spouting clichés about 'passion' and 'letting go'? Ten years, and no one notices that Nina has no character at all? Ten years, and it seemed plausible that a blatantly frightened, whiny dancer should get the lead in 'Swan Lake'? Quite honestly, I kept waiting for this film to actually begin; only when the absurd death-drive ending was tacked on did I realize it was over. Utterly bad, all the way, and mostly because we get no sense of Portman's identity WHATSOEVER. More exactly, there is no foundation upon which to build either the dark side's emergence from her, OR her horror of it. Other reviews here rightly point out the idiocies, as in a star ballerina being 'fired' and in drunken shock over it, or an alternate lead selected so late in the game, or a director engaging in conduct that would get any artistic director out on his ass in a heartbeat, no matter the artsy milieu. All of that would have been bearable, had there been any notion even hinted at of what and who Nina is. Nothing. So weird stuff happens to this non-character, there's a ridiculously gratuitous lesbian fantasy, you early on don't freak over the blood because, after five minutes, you know it's in her head, and then she achieves perfection in death. And you don't care at all. PS How bad? I kept longing to see Barbra Streisand take the stage in a tutu, saying, 'You vanna kill a swvan? Dese lovelies?'