Natalie Portman's weak imitation of Jeff Goldblum as "The Fly"

Rating: 1/10 (18 December 2010)

Really, you have got to be joking. I want my 9 dollars back. The movie tried very hard to be artsy, profound and mature, but it ended up like some puberty-infected youth making "Swan Lake for the Family guy loving acne-faced weirdos" sect. Or maybe it should be billed as "The Farrelly Brothers attempt Shakespeare. I get it. You like to show vomit. I get it you like to show self-mutilation. I get it, you've discovered lesbian porn. This is the most singularly ham-fisted direction to be set to film from someone that is not in junior high in a century. Not to mention the camera work, which Michael J. Fox could have shot steadier riding a pogo stick. I get it, too, I am supposed to be "in the scene". It was like "riding the Titanic through Katrina" seasickness. The movie could best be described as shooting for the moon, yet barely reaching the gutter.
Mila Kunis is one of the most beautiful actresses of the past decade, scorching hot. But even she couldn't save this sad outing. Everything that happens in the film is so amazingly predictable that I burst out laughing thinking it was a spoof. From Natalie Porman's flat character having scratches in the shape of wings to turning into looking like a boiled chicken to literally sprouting feathers (I fell over laughing at this comedy gold but the joke was on the director because I don't think he meant it to be funny, to figuratively laying an egg (or "turd" with this film, it was all just bad comedy. Hey Natalie, time to pull out another fingernail, the other ones are starting to scab over. And the "giving it all for the dance" crap is just too trite for words.
In a word, I didn't give a poop about the acting. All of the characters were lifeless and half-dimensional. I do admit to being happy that the (SPOILER ALERT, although it could not be shocking to anyone with half a brain) main character dies, because I hope it prevents a sequel. The director would make a good fry cook at McDonalds maybe, but I have no indication he is capable of any other job. The cinematography was weak and the camera-work was atrocious. The mother character was better done in "Psycho". The storyline of this little outing was one of the most predictable and lame in all of movie history. All in all, awful, awful, awful, but since it is the holiday season, I will generously give this movie one star (although, by default, any other movie with Natalie Portman or Mila Kunis would get at least four stars just for visual appeal. Waste of talent and beauty).