The Black Swan in the Emperors New Clothes

Rating: 2/10 (1 May 2011)

First off, some explanation of my two star rating. Since one star is the bottom and there are certainly films worse than this one, it's important to have some perspective on ones framework.
Now, the film. When I was asked my reaction to the film after viewing it my response was - "well that's 2 hours and 28 minutes out of my life I'll never get back".
The positive reviews here can only go into one of few categories: Ignorant Misguided or The result of "peer and public perception" pressure.
Perhaps the logic in choosing to create a filmed version of Tchaikovsky's classic ballet was something like a) how hard can that be? and b) it'll be "artsy" enough for non- artistic Hollywood Oscar voters.
Mix in some viewers who wouldn't know a piece of art I'd it bite them in the rear and Voila! "Academy greatness".
But extract out the burden of "Academy worthiness" and this still doesn't stand the test of mediocrity. Why?
First off, it is crushed by the weight of it's own self importance. I have to think long and hard to recall a film that screamed out " look at me! Look at how important I am! I'm symbolic, profound AND I'm about something artful" then look at the less than subtle clues about the character and it's satellite persons hovering around it. As "events" just think of the first few scenes and what happens.
Event one- she dreams of Swan Lake, and wakes up in her "all too precious bedroom" that is covered in butterfly wallpaper ( hmm, wait a tic, don't butterflies go through a metamorphosis??? Yes, yes I believe they do.... Pool Hugh, I'll bet that "means" something for our character -but what???!!!)
Event two: we see her on the subway dressed in white (because the good guy always wears white) and she catches a reflection (stick with me, she "lookimg through a glass" - get it, "looking glass" )of another dancer dressed in (wait for it) Black. Again, I think this means something here.
Event three- she's getting ready for rehearsal and we hear (this is what we call exposition) they are going to be replacing the "old guard" grand dame lead ballerina (don't tell me, I'm wondering who might be chosen... No seriously, I have NO IDEA- well maybe a small idea).
Taken together these events along with her "I'm wound tighter than a Swiss watch and more scared of my shadow than a balloon is of a porcupine" and it's nearly impossible to understand how this got out of post production without some major editing (maybe there WAS major editing- how scary is that thought?).
This is movie whose legacy will be relegated in ten years to midnight madness showings with it on double bill of cult classics like Showgirls and Rocky Horror Picture show.
If you're a Natalie Portman fan like I am, watch "Closer" in which she is captivating and showcases her skills along with Clive Owen, Jude Law and, yes even Julia Roberts.
If you want to save yourself 2 1/2 hours rent this, watch the first 15 minutes cut to the last scene when she kills herself because the only ti e the word perfect will be connected to this film is in the final word of the movie when her last gasp of life is saying "perfect" - oh please...gag me with a spoon.