Does This Tutu Make My Ass Look Fat?

Rating: Null/10 (18 September 2011)

As an idea, Black Swan is quite interesting. As a film it is a huge disappointment, even failing to make it as a camp classic. Here is what should have happened: brilliant director meets creative writer, choreographer and actress to illustrate how dance can evolve into something thrilling, as characters paradoxically find and lose themselves simultaneously. Unfortunately those talents were not available, but, rather four sows' ears, who, falling well short of silk, delivered an embarrassing, lumpen mess. We will not even go into the movies that get it right, as this after-school effort is not worthy of that association. The sensibility of the director is the antithesis of what was required. Why he would have taken on a project so far beyond his capabilities is a puzzlement. The hubris is as risible as that of Jack Buchanan's character, the great Cordova, in the movie the Band Wagon. (Cordova hilariously tries to turn a simple-minded vehicle for fun-loving Broadway hoofers into Faust.) Unlike the creators of the Band Wagon, the director of Black Swan was dead serious, though unfortunately out of his depth. In like manner, his lead actress could not pull it off, armed with only two expressions in her thespian arsenal: the placid vacuity of someone selling beauty products at Saks and something more complex, part smile, part horrified sneer (with a touch of flared nostril) as if she just caught a glimpse of her own, pre-rhinoplasty face. These have gotten her through many a film, including Thor. The surgery certainly gave her voice an annoyingly nasal timbre, if not the honk of a swan, nor the ability to take flight in the role. Moreover, six months of working out were apparently not enough to give her the grace and energy required to embody her character. Prominent neck tendons aside, she is simply too dumpy to be a convincing Nina. If you disagree, have a look at pictures of this season's ABT lineup. The writer had no previous credits of distinction and it shows. The choreographer was a French provincial import with no ambition to outdo Reisinger or Petipa, from what we know of their work. And that is truly the biggest disappointment of all—the movie does not portray the genius and excitement of dance. In fact, the only enjoyable moments of Black Swan are scenes featuring the wonderful Winona Ryder and Barbara Hershey, prompting one to think that there might be a much more interesting story to tell about a stage mother and her alcoholic, has-been daughter.