No need to avert thy gaze...Buuut its not an Eye Opener

Rating: 6/10 (28 December 2018)

But make no mistake, this is no piece o cake.
Tis a slice not so nice; not the worst acting, but an an endless wait.
And the reward for waiting...NOt worth fir a 6/10.
Nowadays its rare to see something longer than an hour and half since the average * insert country of nationality here* can barely sit still for asit still contest, let alone keep interest in something they paid for themselves. Like a child with extreme ADHD. Yet as one that actually has ADHD, let me tell you this movie was not BAD, and I was paying attention, thus I saw nothing to truly dazzle, and predictability stalked the land like a great big, unseen, stalky thing.
Making anything good, especially a visual story like a film these days, is like the modern equivalent of the quest for the holy grail. What a wonderful aspiration to try and reach for something so grandiose, yet ones hopes are too often dashed in the tiresome, unfulfilling pursuit.
It was nice to see Sandra Bullock in something other than a crummy romcom after so many years. When suddenly she gets hard up for the sole dude that
is a little kind to her, and is too in shape, despite never seen exercising or having enough food to eat. IS this a Tyler Perry movie? Theres a demerit.
Where so many "unseen danger lurking" or " invisible end times scenario" movies have failed time and time again over the last 20 years in films, BIrd Box was better than the rest. Some films have based off of books, like Bird Box , some have not. Some are just about invisible electrical surges that any kid can arc to death and save the day... Spasiba comrade, yaaay >,;,<
A couple of rules to survive an impending doom scenario , at least from the hollywood point of view *ahem*:
Number One - Run/ Get a Gun
Number Two - Get out of plain view/ Just worry about You
Number Three - Get to Safety/ Have a Plan B
Number Four - Dont open the Door
Number Five - Have supplies
Number Six - No Kids or pregnant chicks
Number Seven - Loud noise = To you "they're" headin'
Number Eight - Law Low and Stay Safe/ Get rid of those that aggravate
Number Nine - Drink water not wine/alcohol (I'm not hatin' I'm just sayin')
Number Ten - Only Friends and Kin ( Everybody else go 'way)
Yah I know that sounded corny as could be, but for all the merits that this movie had,these tropes seem to always be close to the unofficial rule set that scary movies and end game scenario sci fi always break in spades.
At least with Bird Box there was some nuance to a relative degree. Yet the time lapsing, back and forth, and poor choices of characters didnt help. And though likely a fair to realistic mirror to the historic and unfortunate stupidity of our species during a panicked crisis, where were the real types that just have plain common sense?! There was technically one, and for him a special rule:
You Listen to John Mutha*#&@$%^ Malkovich when he speaks!
The blind leading the blind, as the tired old saying goes, and in a movie about not looking, it really shows. Bird Box should have been named "Land of the Blind", cause in it the "one eyed man/people" really were king. The only survivors were crazies , aside from our pathetic protagonists. Yet even the main character, a woman that is a home body and knows not to go outside cause the world and people suck, she doesnt take her own time honored advice! WHAT?! Why the films that depend upon a single sensory organ, yet end up so easy to circumnavigate to safety? Why have these stories caught on? NO seeing in Bird Box. No noise in A Quiet Place ( though any creature with advanced hearing could have found those fools from the get go), and what almost amounted to "No smelling the air" in The Happening, as if Death's bony behind had any flesh left to rot to forewarn of its coming.
IS there a message here? Are all the tales, regardless of the media used to bring them to us, trying to tell us to simply pay more attention? Cause this one seems to contradict that. Dont look at that touchscreen. Put down that device if its not about world affairs or an e book, or face timing with the family and friends you dont bother to see anymore. Make the effort to wake up, is I suppose the subtext in this, if one surpasses the tried christian notion of t judgement days almost thrown in our faces..
At least we had Malkovich for a while, cause none would need rules written in stone. Still rules for living are there. They are more "What you'd call guidelines"... But i guess you would have to be a genius to simply survive and have a plan in what seemed like one of the richest places in the world, or at least the west coast of America ( name dropping about North of San Francisco, and Sausilito in California. Rich enough anyone should have a plan A through B at least). Another film that would go well with a drink, but if thats not your cup o tea...may dont give this... a LOOK-SEE. >,;,<