This is not Sparta

Rating: 6/10 (18 November 2007)

Robert Zemeckis clearly wasn't paying attention the last time Hollywood tried to make 3D films, otherwise he'd have been party to forgettable trash like Friday the 13th 3D or the third Jaws movie and most likely, decided to dismiss it and release Beowulf as a regular film. Regardless of how good you might consider the finished product, sitting in a theatre watching it makes you realise how tacky the 3D gimmick is. Bodily fluids and weapons do not fly out of the screen at the audience, the only thing it adds is a degree of depth perception to the crowd scenes and a decrease in picture quality, where weapon edges are blurry and the screen isn't entirely in focus. Shame really, as a film, Beowulf is quite decent. It's not a masterpiece and there's bound to be a few purists out there driven to fury seeing a classic piece of literary prose turned into a silly piece of pop trash, but it's still quite fun in places. It's also got more brains than you might first realise.
The main reason behind this is that Zemeckis hasn't gone for a straight adaptation. The core story of Beowulf fighting a string of monsters one after the other is still there, but the central hero isn't the infallible stalwart he was in the fifth century. Here, Beowulf's mouth is as big as his biceps, his ego is so massive it casts a shadow and the story is as much about the creation of his myth as it is about fist fights with cave trolls. He's also an incredibly randy sod who finds it difficult to turn women down, which gets him into all manner of hot water throughout the course of the film.
Aside from the frustrating 3D meanwhile, Beowulf's biggest selling point is the motion capture animation and in close ups, it's remarkably impressive. Anthony Hopkins, Angelina Jolie and Brendan Gleeson look fantastic, the detail so startling it's occasionally difficult to tell that it's not the real thing. When the camera pans out however, the cracks begin to appear. The extras are bland and ill-defined and in some cases look no better than extended cut scenes from Playstation 2 games. Thankfully, the characters still sparkle with warmth and emotion, but it's not a major leap forward by any means.
If there's one place where Beowulf shines though, it's the action scenes. Grendel's initial beer hall rampage is a bit dizzying, but the rest is fantastic to behold. Beowulf's flashback tussle with a pack of ravenous sea monsters is the first high point as he butchers his slippery foes in a series of ingenious ways, turning the sea crimson in a ludicrously macho five minute sequence that gets the adrenaline pumping in time for his naked rumble with Grendel. These are merely the warm up bouts however and his main event battle with a giant, golden dragon is a riot; serpent and Dane spilling down a mountain, crashing through forests, battling on bridges, plunging into the ocean and kicking seven bells out of each other in a jaw dropping brawl that should satisfy any action junkie's fix.
Thanks to the delirious violence and overtly macho storyline, Beowulf is perhaps the first film to benefit from 300's success earlier this year but sadly, it isn't as good as the Frank Miller movie. The central premise of a man making his own myth is surprisingly clever and the action scenes are a blast, but it's just not as instantly memorable. It's a fun way to spend a night out, especially if you psyche yourself up by listening to Viking metal like Turisas, Amon Amarth and Finntroll beforehand, but a fun night out is all it is. Fifteen hundred years from now, it's a safe bet that this version will be entirely forgotten while academics still write dissertations on the poem. Go and watch it for the blood, the thunder and the popcorn, but don't expect to witness the future of cinema.