This movie is nothing but bare asses

Rating: 1/10 (14 March 2008)

Robert Zemeckis. When was the last time he made a masterpiece of film-making? Ah yes, it was 14 years ago when he directed Forrest Gump. That was his one accomplishment in life. Unfortunately, it was also his only accomplishment as a director that is still revered to this day. Beowulf however is a cinematic disASSter. Yes, Beowulf is a CGI character and he gets naked to fight a giant screaming monster. Doesn't that seem a little gay to you? Then I guess to compensate for all the bare asses in the film, Zemeckis tries to make it up to us by having CGI women's boobs flop around. As a heterosexual man though I have to say that I feel more shame than pride when seeing a CGI woman's boobs. This movie is certainly not appropriate for audiences under 13, or even under 86. It's more appropriate for those who have boob and ass fetishes. Beowulf features lots of people dying quite horribly and in many gruesome manners. The sound may have been louder than it was supposed to be, but the screaming was so obnoxious and loud it made me want to walk out of the movie, and that's exactly what I did! It may have action but the majority of it takes place in a hall with a bunch of drunken and obnoxious patrons, it feels claustrophobic to me. They made a noble attempt to have the CGI look real, but it looks horrible, looks fake and I can't help but think about freaking Shrek. The movie is not character or story-driven. Hell, it's not driven at all. There is nothing to this movie. If you really have to know an account of the story of Beowulf, then go do yourself a grand favor and read the freaking book instead please. I can guarandamntee you 100% less bare asses and boobs in the book.