Robert wants to show you his new toys

Rating: 6/10 (14 April 2008)

Robert Zemeckis has a new toy. Two new toys, actually. After fiddling with cartoons and archive footage in "Who Framed Roger Rabbit" and "Forrest Gump" respectively, he's now using motion capture digital technology rather than film. But he's done it before so this time he's going to use it with 3D. Unfortunately, I watched this at home. So the film is left to stand on its actual merits, rather than its gimmicks.
That's a shame really, because watching the film I could sense that in full IMAX 3D this would have been bangs-for-your-bucks, jump out of your seat fun. Whenever he has the opportunity to, Zemeckis throws things at the camera and moves it in such an incredibly fluid manner that on a really, really big screen it would thrill. Unfortunately, all I was left with was the narrative.
The film's problems start early on. The opening is garish and, without the benefit of the 3D, overblown. It sets the tone for the rest of the film rather well. The characters chew their way through the dialogue before the first attack from Grendel, which has so much violence that it puts Tarantino in the shade. It is a miracle that this film, with all of its blood and guts, not to mention essentially full on nudity, received a PG-13 in America and a 12A (it's British equivalent). Don't let anyone younger than 12 see this film.
It is a full quarter of an hour before Beowulf arrives. He receives extremely little time for development, which is the same for all of the characters, but this film isn't really here for that. It's a cheap thrills picture, and Zemeckis delivers them by the barrelful. But, many of them, whilst grand on scale, have something wrong with them. Beowulf's first fight, for instance, is done as an Austin Powers gag, with the nude Beowulf's manhood being covered with helmets, spears and swords. What would Freud say? There are strong points. Winstone, in his CGI form, is very good as the lead, Angelina Jolie turns up as Angelina Jolie and does very well, whilst Sir An-TH-ony Hopkins seems to be enjoying himself a lot. However, the quality of the CGI is astonishing. There are a few things that look dodgy, such as the horses and the fire, but at times it is photo-real even if the artistry of the animation and the creation of the images are nowhere near those of "Ratatouille" which was released in the same year.
However, there are weak points, most of all John Malkovich, who is so wooden that he is largely indistinguishable from the large cross he waves around. But the real problem with the film is that it isn't really a film. It is a bunch of gimmicks, designed to thrill rather than entertain, and now that it has passed away from the 3D screens it will not last.