dumb cartoon

Rating: 5/10 (19 October 2016)

Ah "Beowulf" great story, An Balls out Anglo-Saxon poem from long ago. Ah Robert Zemeckis and Neil (sandman) Gaiman, two enormously overrated hacks. Hence we have "Beowulf" the cheesy cartoon! I know, some are screaming it's CGI! Big, fat hair deal, it's animated, for the most part badly, I do give this cartoon a 5, largely because it has one kick-ass dragon! But dozy is it dumb.
Beowulf, voiced by Ray Winstone but bearing no resemblance to the pudgy actor, is a conceited, boastful lying pig-ape in this cartoon who roams bout with his fellow geeks, oops sorry, Geats, offering to slay monsters and demons in return for women or gold. Yeah, what a hero. His BFF is Hamish, sorry Waflig, or some such dippy name, it's Hamish from "Braveheart" Honest. At the beleaguered hall of Santa Claus, oops again sorry, it's Hrothgar, voiced by Anthony Hopkins, apparently he's started drinking again. King Santa had a young queen who looks like an uncomfortable waxen cross breed between Meryl Streep and Robin Wright if she was fat and wore a bad wig. Anyhoo, Hrothgar made some mistake sand his hall is being bitch-smacked by the monster Grendel who looks rather like a knobby troll.
Naturally Beobreath rips Grendel and wins the day. For some reasons no explained by this cartoon he goes to see GRendel's Mom, voiced in a Russian accent by Agnelina Jolie. Ah Good ole Bob Zemeckis, he gives us the cartoon asses of Hopkins and Winstone, but Angie? Nah, gold dipped and phony as hell. Sigh.
After Hrothgar drowns in his corn flakes, Beowuss becomes king. Flash forward ma ny years, we don't' know how many, and Beo has a queen and a girl Urusla, who looks like a min-me of the queen. Princess? Daughter, no just some bitch for Beoballs to hammer at night when he gets bored with Robin, er Wealthrow, Uh-huh, again what a great "hero" he is! Well he's sinned big time too and that comes back to bite him in his still tight and curiously hairless rear.
Ugh, there are some pluses here, some dynamic action, some rousing songs, but it's all misogynistic and dumb and well it's a freakin cartoon! It's also waay long and simplistic. Even the ending is kinda vague, though most epic poems or sagas if you prefer, were vague in their endings, i. e. GAwain and the Green Knight. Anyhoo, check "Beowulf' the cartoon if you liked "Brave" pretty similar and again the Dragon is awesome!! 15yold boys may rate this much higher.