Disappointed, Disgusted, Depressed

Rating: 4/10 (18 November 2007)

A misunderstanding as to the fundamental nature of this movie ruined it for me from the opening scene; I had been under the impression, as were the three people I saw the movie with, that it was to be either (largely) live-action, such as the Lord of the Rings, or CGI-assisted, such as The 300, when in fact the film is entirely animated (I was frequently reminded of Shrek, an unpleasant comparison at best given the epic nature of the Beowulf legend). Some of the characters appeared decidedly cartoon-like, and the range of motion, activity, etc. was definitively so (the film was most strongly reminiscent of Shrek in this particular aspect, but the individual characters were frequently of no higher quality than the major "normal human" characters who share said green ogre's adventures). Additionally, the creators of Beowulf seem to have been a bit confused as to their target audience, with moments straight from Disney-type film antics sprinkled liberally throughout moments of both male and female nudity (often up-close) and the graphic detailing of people screaming as they burn to death; the final rating of PG-13 strikes me as being a frustrated "average" of the film's content (only modern-day 'foul language' is conspicuously absent). Major plot scenes are dominated largely by a ghastly, overdone running gag of almost-but-not-quite spotting Beowulf's "third leg" (a reference made in the movie itself, as well)... before something inevitably -- and in a most contrived manner -- obstructs the view. Once or twice might have been funny, if a bit inappropriate; more than a dozen times in a scene is downright ridiculous. Beavis and Butthead would've stopped laughing by the time Beowulf's writers are finished not-quite-flashing you. A much better, purer, more epic version of the movie could have and should have been done, with real actors and well-written dialog.