Hollywood slayeth another classic

Rating: 3/10 (16 November 2007)

"Beowulf" has survived countless translations, adaptations, debates, interpretations, and readings, and it finally has reached the Silver Screen. Promoted with a beautiful series of posters and a couple of mystifying previews, I wondered whether it would be a successful production.
Successful is a matter now of perspective and interpretation. If the film brings in the dollars, it will be clearly referred as a hit. On the other hand, purists and other more discerning individuals may have a bit of a problem with some of what's going on here.
In this version, there are some points to admire, including a rather sharp technical 3-D version that highlights some of the production values. There are also a couple of amusing moments, in addition to many rather puzzling changes to the original text. In particular the aversion of the main characters to anything resembling clothes. There are moments when the audience might even wonder about the sexuality of the characters, and Hollywood managed to get a PG-13 rating for this movie.
Video game addicts might find some fun in the rather loose adaptation of the classic poem, which is now devoid of soul and engaging action. There are some amusing moments when we see a very thin plot involving a mythical hero and a few rather pesky monsters, and their bewitching mother.
Sadly, the action is few and far in between, with most of it happening because the audience gets to exercise their neck muscles avoid being picked or poked at with the many objects Zemeckis managed to "place" in front of the camera to showcase the 3-D effects. There is very little memorable in the film, with so much wasted acting talent. Winstone, Wright Penn, and Hopkins are among the casualties of a program that has improved somewhat since "The Polar Express" but still manages to show the characters as if they had way too much mead... It looks like stuff is way to powerful to ever lose that glazed look that was spooky in "Express" and is rather distracting in this movie.
"Beowulf" is not a classic or a thriller or a very entertaining film. It's another pretty package that fails to deliver what in essence is a timeless tale of the eternal conflict between good and evil. Yet, I do understand that Angelina Jolie's looks is definitely a terrible thing to waste, and was Beowulf Greek? I thought this was a Nordic legend...