Good...that's it, it's good

Rating: Null/10 (10 July 2004)

Everyone knows about "Ben-Hur". Five-year-old girls in Afghanistan know about `Ben-Hur'. `Ben-Hur' is the first thing a baby finds out about after it's born. I've known about `Ben-Hur' since before I can remember. Finally, I've seen it.
Overrated. Maybe I was expecting too much. A true epic. The greatest movie ever made, even. In truth `Ben-Hur' is a two-hour movie trapped inside a four-hour marathon. And man, is it tiring.
The plot focuses on Judah Ben-Hur (Oscar winner Charlton Heston), a rich Jew with an American accent and a face like a cowboy, being framed by his Roman `friend' Messala (Stephen Boyd) for the accidental killing of a Roman official. Messala's reason is to set an example to the rest of the Jews; get the message across that Rome is in charge. He also sends Judah's sister and mother to jail, for reasons unexplained.
We follow Judah as a slave, working in the gallows of a war ship under the control of Quintus Arrius (Jack Hawkins), a Roman warrior who sounds strangely British. Quintus works Ben-Hur to death, then takes a liking to him, and makes sure that he's not chained to the bottom of the boat while engaging in warfare with another ship. For saving his life, Ben-Hur returns the favor when the enemy overcomes the ship. Quintus takes Ben-Hur back to Rome and frees him of his slavery  supposedly redeeming the character, but I guess we're supposed to forget all the other slaves that died on the ship.
Ben-Hur leaves Quintus  which is unfortunate because he was probably the most interesting character of the movie  and travels to his city to take vengeance on Messala. He teams up with Esther (Hara Harareet, whose lazy eye is more interesting than her performance), the woman who he had a crush on before he became a slave, and gets help from a gaudy Arabic horse-trader, Sheik Ilderim (Oscar winner Hugh Griffith). Tensions rise when Ben-Hur and Messala engage in a white-knuckle chariot race, where only one can come out alive.
Tensions plummet when I check my VCR and realize there's still an hour left. That hour is like the falling action of the film, and Jesus is thrown in to make it more interesting, I guess. But it isn't interesting, at all, and it just makes you think, `Where the hell did this come from?' and, `When the hell is it gonna end?' Honestly, the last hour is completely different from the first three, and in a bad way. And don't get me wrong, I'm all for Jesus  I'm a Christian  but a film about hardcore vengeance is not to be ended with the crucifixion.
There are three times that `Ben-Hur' does achieve that excellent, epic feel though. The first is when Judah is arrested and he traps himself inside a room with Messala, threatening him with a spear. The scene is exciting and tense, and contains the movie's best acting (from Heston). The second is the battle between the two boats, the crash especially, it is quite impressive for 1959. The third is, of course, the chariot race. Though it's a tad too long it'll still go down (or further down) in history as one of the greatest, most epic action scenes ever filmed, a title well deserved.
`Ben-Hur' set the eleven Oscar win record, which has yet to be beaten (only tied). It should have won ten. Which win is it that was undeserved? Hugh Griffith's Supporting Actor Oscar. Why, why, why did he win? This has got to be one of the most perplexing wins in Oscar history. It isn't a bad performance  it's good  but it's just terribly un-special, and ultimately, forgettable. Off the top of my head I can already think of a better supporting performance from 1959: Dean Martin's from Rio Bravo. As for the other ten, well, they were deserved, even Heston's.
The other four-hour epic that comes to mind is `Lawrence of Arabia', and, well, `Ben-Hur' is to `Lawrence of Arabia' what Michael Bay is to Akira Kurosawa. The editors should've cut more. Much more. 7.5/10.