More impressive the first time around

Rating: 2/10 (26 January 2005)

The first time I saw this film was when it originally came out. God knows why on earth my parents dragged a five of six year old boy to a thing like this, but I can tell you, in between boring me stiff it scared me absolutely sh*tless. I didn't understand the first thing about it, of course, but the Messala death scene and that stuff about the lepers caused me nightmares for years afterwards! So now I saw it again, on DVD, for the second time in my life. And boy, what an experience it was. This time it didn't scare me, no, it didn't, but it still bored me alright. Made me laugh, too, with the cheesy Jesus cameo's, the over the top music, the ridiculous acting, the whole pretentiousness of it all. Just the beginning alone with the cheap Christmas card effects is hilarious. How can anyone take stuff like this seriously??
Of course the chariot race is cool, nothing wrong there. Messalas death scene the second time round isn't so much scary as it is annoying, I was trying to see if the doctor is indeed John le Mesurier or not but I couldn't get a clear shot of him. On the other hand, the sea battle was obviously filmed in Wyler's bath tub and should be cut from the movie for sheer embarrassment. The guy on the drums has trouble keeping the beat as well, and Jack Hawkins is simply very confusing indeed.
The lepers scenes go on and on until it all becomes a blur, and the effects are nothing to write home about. Having seen my share of gory movies in the meantime, not to mention The Elephant Man, may I be excused for being underwhelmed by a few blisters and sores?
And then there is goold ole' Charlton Heston. What to make of him? Well, I've got to give it to him that he's a better actor than John Wayne (now there's a compliment!) but after 4 hours of him I just wish he would stop showing his teeth for a change.
So what did I like? I liked the little old guy playing Emperor Tiberius, you can see he enjoyed himself. I love the horses, of course, truly magnificent. And I definitely loved the ending, not particularly for its undiluted overdose of 'edelkitsch', but because the job was finally, finally done.
Ben Hur, an all time hit in the Lourdes municipal theatre, undoubtedly. But a masterpiece?
As the Christ said, forgive them, Lord, for they don't know what they are doing.