This Movie Sucked Asparagus: Avoid Like the Plague

Rating: 1/10 (15 November 1999)

I can't believe anyone liked this movie. Really. It was like, Naked Gun on a dumber level...ok, not really. But almost!
I'm going to pretty much bash everything I remember about this sad, sad movie So if you haven't seen it DON'T...(keep reading that is)
Anyways, I thought the movie was pathetic. Yes, the acting was good. Great, in fact. Yes, I was impressed with the visual aspects. Yes, the directing was just peachy. But the movie was hardly funny. The only time I laughed out loud during the entire movie was the first time our hero was excreted onto the side of the NJ Turnpike. It was so random and unexpected that I had to laugh. And that, was it. I thought the writing was very bad. The character motivations were so...awkward. Like our hero, the puppeteer. What was he in for? The girl, artistic integrity, what? And everything just turned to doo for him in the end? What a bummer. But the real enigma of this flop of a movie was what's-her-name. Oh yes, and don't worry, I suck with names in real life too :-). So the black haired woman, what's she in for? Everything she does contradicts everything else. I don't understand how she could possible fall in love with puppet-man's wife. It is so completely unrealistic, it goes beyond funny. It just sets me in the theatre with a confused look. Her motivation is unrealistic and lame. It seems like the writer got stoned one night and said, "hey, what if she, like, falls in love with the other chick and they raise their daughter...and stuff..." Like the nileists (really bad spelling nie-uhl-ists) in the Big Lebowsky. i.e., the writer got stoned one night and said "let's have some nileists...and a ferret!" Go figure. But what steams me the most is the complete lack of structure in the movie. It starts out like its going to be a long drawn out internal struggle to maintain artistic integrity in puppeteering and then bam, John Malkovich, and everything starts speeding up. What took 15 minutes to say in the first half takes 2.5 minutes to say at the end.
All in all, I left the theatre with a bad taste in my mouth.
Oh Yeah...
the 7 1/2th floor? ::yawn::