10 Reasons Not to Date Liberace

Rating: Null/10 (28 May 2013)

Behind The Candelabra ﻿ Why shouldn't you date Liberace? First of all, you'll be dating a dead man, so that's creepy. But, seriously, there are more than just ten reasons not to date Liberace, portrayed with eerily accuracy by Michael Douglas as the aging piano virtuoso that entertained Vegas audiences for decades in the latest HBO Films' Behind The Candelabra (Available now on HBO On Demand). When I first heard about this film being done, I had my doubts about Michael Douglas and Matt Damon (as Scott) playing lovers, I had my reservations that they'd be perfect for each other. Last night I was proved wrong. Not only did Michael Douglas do a great job but Matt Damon as well, two people that couldn't be any more different than each other and whose torrid love affair, if you could call it that, was told until Liberace died victim of AIDS back in 1987. If Liberace ever saw this movie, he would certainly die all over again. He was, first and foremost, a pianist, a showman, an entertainer. He would have never been of his closet or caught in the scandal of having a boy toy whom he could call his own. And Scott was one of many boy toys that Liberace wanted to play with. Little by little, Liberace took Scott under his wing and allowed him to see the man behind the curtain, the flawed man who clinged on to his youth as if reclaiming his own, as if he could, somehow, stop time and live forever. So why not date a old millionaire, you ask? Well, there are 10 main reasons why you shouldn't date Liberace, starting with:
﻿﻿ Reason #10 Don't date an old man for money. No matter how much money, Rolls Royce, jewelry, one hundred dollar bills and bling-bling he throws at you... He will take it away from you in a New York minute. He had lawyers that will screw you into the ground so do yourself a favor and get out while you still have your young looks and charm... They won't last you forever...
﻿﻿﻿﻿ Reason #9 Don't let him change you. Even if Liberace wants to pay for all the procedures for you to endure, don't do it. Here is one of the funniest scenes of Candelabra: we get to meet Dr. Rob Lowe, a plastic surgeon who can barely close his eyes after having so many surgeries himself. This surgeon is so hilarious that I wonder how Michael Douglas and Matt Damon control themselves while filming his scenes. So take my advice, don't allow Liberace to change your looks... Especially if he wants you to look like a younger version of himself.
Reason #8 He'll always find someone younger and more beautiful than you. There are too many eager fish in the sea. They include sharks, stingrays and barracudas that will stop at nothing to replace you just like when he met you. You got competition, honey!
Reason #7 You are his property, whether you like it or not. I haven't seen such decadence than over a Liberace house. It seems as if Scott had been trapped inside a glass cage, unable to get out. Liberace was very particular with his lovers and didn't want Scott to have friends of his own. He was property of Liberace, whether he liked it or not. It reminded me of Hotel California: you can check out any time you like, but you can never leave. ﻿﻿
Reason #6 If Liberace dumped somebody else to be with you, don't think he won't turn right back around and do the same to you. You're just as replaceable. ﻿﻿
Reason #5 Make sure that you check the merchandise for wigs, dentures, prosthetics and other signs of aging. Nothing is ever as good as it appears on the surface.
Reason #4 You become invisible. You know how people can disappear in a relationship to the point when you're no longer yourself but an image? That's exactly what happened to Scott. He hadn't found himself before he met Liberace and easily lost himself in the shuffle. He could have been his boyfriend, his chauffeur, his son, his lover, his pet... Anything that Liberace wanted, Scott was.
﻿﻿ Reason #3 If you don't find Liberace attractive to begin with, trust your instincts. I couldn't help but to feel squeamish whenever I saw Liberace crawling in bed behind Scott, as a rattlesnake crawls onto its victim, ready for the kill. You saw Scott's first impressions of the man and he found him hideous. Yet, after turning into Cinderella overnight, everything seemed different, everything seemed more tolerable. If I were Scott, I'd had gone with my instincts. ﻿﻿
Reason #2 Never fall in love with Liberace. Liberace will not fall in love with you... He loves himself above all things.
﻿﻿ Reason #1 Never date someone who's ashamed of his sexuality. Liberace was, in the public eye, a straight man. Maybe a little extravagant or sophisticated but still a straight man. If someone said the contrary, that person would have been sued. His sexuality was as ambiguous as the person himself. Even after watching Candelabra, I still don't know much about the artist who remained in the closet until the day he died.
You still have your doubts and want to give it a try? Go right ahead, be my guest... Don't say later that I didn't tell you so...