Tale as Old as Time, Review too Old to be Timely

Rating: 6/10 (5 May 2017)

I was out of the country during Beauty and the Beast's opening. At the time I could care less, now I am a bit disappointed. There is no chance this review will scale the mountain of 600 more timely critiques. I'm not gonna get a single view. Back then I did not care, I was more interested in the reaction than the film itself. I already assumed the critical consensus would be mildly positive, the only question remaining was if audiences would be tired of a remake. Well, B&theB made budget on first weekend, so expect Disney live action remakes in the future. Still, popular pundits were unhappy. Beauty and the Beast was heralded as a pointless remake of a classic. Even as I wandered Shibuya ward with the soundtrack playing in the streets, I resolved to skip the film after returning stateside. Weeks later, I wake up to find my younger siblings have made plans to see a movie and that I am coming. So here I am, pleasantly surprised.
You're a crusty bunch denizens of the internet. I, like you, agree that there is an increased burden of proof for remakes. However, many of you must have gone to the theater convinced you were going to have a lousy time. Beauty and the Beast is a tale as old as 1757 with films adaptations released around the globe since 1946. Does this retelling innovate and drive the narrative to new heights? Absolutely not, but I will claim that this iteration is entertaining and does enough to justify its existence.
The story and most songs remain the same. It's not a shot for shot remake, but if you had any problems with the animated classic, I doubt they went anywhere. Personally, I still think the first song "Belle" makes the title character appear as a brat. Does this immaturity validate Belle's growth and some character arch? Honestly, it has been two films and I am still not sure. Additionally, the Beast is not ugly. This conforms to the axiom that protagonists can never be hideous. It is an ongoing problem that has existed since the '46 version. No serious sins here. If you enjoyed the animated edition and are unallergic to a flagrant derivation there is nothing at the heart to despise. The additional 40 minutes of runtime is spent on a couple songs, a bit more Belle backstory, and most conspicuously some dimensionality to antagonist Gaston and his henchman Lefou. These clowns were pretty forgettable. Devoting additional time to expand these characters seems like a solid investment. Gaston's sick egocentrism and the yielding but aware Lefou are a worthwhile comedic duo. Unfortunately, the cornerstone of Beauty and the Beast is also the best argument for why the film should not exist. Emma Watson cannot sing. Her voice is excruciating enough to eject you from the world and back into your seat. Thankfully Belle does not participate in every song. Watson's acting between numbers is practical, but this is still awful casting. I don't think any more thought went into this decision beyond that a 160 million dollar picture needs a 16 million dollar face. Particularly painful is how easily this problem could have been fixed. The technology has existed for nearly 100 years. Dub her. Bigger actresses with better voices have been dubbed throughout Hollywood history and got over it. You think the sounds of rattling carts and the clomping horses were made by what you see on the screen? Movies are illusions.
Rant aside, I did enjoy Beauty and the Beasty. Beyond Watson's voice (okay I'm done now), is a lavish world. Fantasy, medieval, French. The budget did not wither away here. Every set is gorgeous and half the songs have 100s of elaborately choreographed extras. And the character design. Animation was once the only possible medium to realize Mrs. Potts, Lumiere, Cogsworth and Co, but now modern CGI is more than up to the challenge. Trailers do little justice. You certainly have never witnessed anthropomorphic furniture/dishware like this before. I never thought "Be Our Guest" would be matched in a remake. Too the purists I just insulted, maybe the original still remains supreme, but the fact they are comparable suggests this reimagining is worth your time. It's the same sense of bedazzlement. That feeling is worth more than original story. Beauty and the Beast only marginally expands character and narrative, but this potential shortcoming is compensated with visual ambition.