Expensive, Flat, Meandering, and Under-whelming. Dull and Lifeless.

Rating: 3/10 (30 September 2017)

Unfortunately, this is yet another example of the drought of ideas Disney has been wallowing in for the last several years; you would think a scene-for-scene remake of a much beloved classic animation would be a shoe-in, and indeed, it was in initial box office.
The director, Bill Condon (who directed the last two Twilight movies, and it shows) is teamed up with Hermoine Granger's less charismatic real-life identity Emma Watson, Gandalf who I hope they paid for in his weight in gold, Obi-Wan who had issues with dialect, Olaf from Frozen reprising his role as an annoying sidekick, Matthew Crawley, Shaw who has been downgraded to a single horsepower, The Divinations/Tea Lady from Harry Potter.. I have a very hard time seeing this movie as anything but a shameless cash-grab, engineered to get 20-somethings in the seats while attracting older audiences with the dreaded Nostalgia Goggles.
Acting: For such a star-studded, highly paid, respectable acting lineup, the result is a flat and uninspired mess; the scenes feel rushed, the actors seem lost and aloof. I can only assume, since Breaking Dawn suffered from similar issues, that this falls mostly on the mantle of direction.
Emma Watson is terrible; her Belle is lifeless, emotionless, and not endearing enough for the subject matter; her singing is typically a quarter-step off key, with that familiar Antares Autotune 10k hiss; why they did not provide a vocal double for her is a mystery. I also understand from the trivia section of this page that Watson was given far too much creative control over the character, seemingly inserting herself into the role instead of properly characterizing Belle. Given that she was a sequential cast member in Harry Potter - who was guaranteed a role in each film - this seems to be a visual casting choice instead of a role-based one.
Dan Stevens seems lost in his role, as most of the other actors, with his face replaced by an Uncanny Valley baking pan with about half the emotion; principal filming featured his face with make up and prosthetic, something that could have potentially conveyed the deep, stirring emotions required for this role, though I do not know for sure. Maybe he was unable to emote with the make-up. Either way, the overt CGI fails to do much else but distract. He is lost within it, though he is aptly expressive as the Prince.
Luke Evans does not seem blustery or bombastic enough for the role of Gaston, though the characterization is likely a large part of this flaw; unlike the animated film, Gaston does not evolve here, and is instead a complete "baddie" from the beginning. You are left wondering if he grew to insanity because he was enamored with Belle, or maybe, sustained a frontal-lobe brain injury in that war he and LaFou allude to in the pub scene.
Ewen McGregor obviously had a very hard time with the accent, given how separate a Scottish dialect and Proventcial Parisian accent are; he himself characterized the accent as sounding too "Mexican" in principal filming. Why they did not hire a French actor is anyone's guess, but as I stated before, this seemed more to be about casting a 'recognizable' than someone who actually fit the role.
Though his acting was without major flaws, Ian McKellen He seems a bit stiff for the role of Cogsworth; though McKellen he was offered the original role in the animated film, David Ogden Stiers brought a playfulness to that performance that was somewhat missing in this re-adaptation.
Josh Gad was basically reprising his role as Olaf, though tuned down to reflect LaFou better; as with most of the other actors, he seemed a bit lost, both in emotion and performance that smacked of poor direction. He does what he can, though the background story of the character seemed to muddy the overall performance.
Everyone else in the production appears to be trying their best with what they've been dealt - poorly formed characters, muddy backstories, and disorganized material.
Writing: The writing was a bit all over the place. In an attempt to "zip up" all the loose ends and fan-fueled speculation, they only succeeded in making the story more confusing and difficult to follow or engage. I cannot imagine how difficult this was for very young children to pay attention.
Music: This is why I gave it more than one star; the music is genuinely written well, with Menken coming back to the production as a creativity consultant. It is regrettable that their primary lead, Emma Watson, cannot sing.
Conclusion: This film failed on many levels to deliver even half of the emotional impact of the animated classic. Those who grew up with this story will not be impressed by this adaption, as it meanders into confusing and loquacious territory without a concrete point; younger audiences, who may be courted by the acting roster, will be left with a flat emotional impact from actors they are accustomed to delivering stellar performances in other works. The music is good, some of the visuals are, though many have texture issues as well as dipping far into Uncanny Valley creepiness, delivering poorly on the emotions required to properly tell this story - a story about who we are inside, verses who we appear to be, ironically.
Author's Note: Though not terribly important, it appears that Watson has undergone Botox or has forgotten how to move 75% of her face since the HP movies; as a person who received years of therapeutic Botox injections, I side with the former. He inability to emote properly drastically impedes an already wooden performance. I did not much care for her post-modern feminist assertions that were mostly nonsensical, such as refusing to don a corset in the ballroom scene; this would make a bit more sense, has she not chosen a lead role in a glorified tribute to Stockholm Syndrome.