Monotony and the Bleak

Rating: 4/10 (26 March 2017)

This film could have been brilliant. I know that Disney's live-action remakes can be great. I loved Disney's 2014 Maleficent and the 2015 Cinderella remake. However I hated Disney's 2016 remake of The Jungle Book (an absolute classic ruined!). Anyway, Beauty and the Beast... I really thought I was going to love this film. This film feels so flat in comparison to Maleficent and Cinderella. It relies heavily on CGI (note to Bill Condon - you can chuck in as many special effects as you like - but if your script is awful and the characters are dull then there's no point at all). It starts with a prince being cursed because he's too into his looks and not charitable enough (how Gaston gets away with not being cursed by Agathe later on in the film as well I do not understand - seeing as he also judges her by her appearance just like the prince did). Next is Belle (Emma Watson under a heap of auto tuning equipment basically) singing "Little Town". It felt so unnatural and forced and was actually quite awkward to watch. That's when I started to think "hmm I don't think this is going to live up to expectation". The script is bad throughout. When Gaston is trying to win over Belle in the beginning it's actually such uncomfortable viewing. The lines of dialogue don't flow naturally between the actors at all. Does Emma Watson think that Belle is a feminist icon (as she has stated so much since being cast in this film) simply because she turns down Gaston?? Is that it?! Because there really doesn't seem to be anything feminist about Belle whatsoever as far as I can understand. Oh, she can read. Um so I guess therefore she's a feminist. Right... Over to the beast's castle then (are we expected to believe that the townspeople had never noticed this huge run-down castle covered in snow and ice, which apparently only takes a quick horse ride to get to??) and the weird half CGI / half human beast has imprisoned Belle's dad. Belle goes to rescue her dad (played by Kevin Kline who delivers a forgettable performance - but who can blame him with such a dull script to work with). Belle changes places with her dad and is now the prisoner instead of him. I really do not understand why so few of the characters speak in a French accent. The film is set in France and yet nearly all the characters have British accents. Why would you make the effort to have SOME characters speak in a French accent, but not ALL the characters?! That doesn't make sense. The song sequences feel rushed (Be Our Guest - what was that??!! A CGI mess!!). I didn't like Belle's yellow dress. It reminded me of a dress that Drisella or Anastasia would wear in Cinderella. The ruffles on each side looked awful and the "Tale as old as time" ballroom sequence was nowhere near special or magical enough. It was actually a bit dull. There was no heart and no chemistry between Belle and Beast. Belle and Beast have a rushed couple of scenes where they "fall in love" apparently - again without any chemistry between them jumping off the screen. There's a really weird scene where Belle and Beast teleport to Paris circa the year that Belle's mother died. But it really doesn't have much significance or poignance (maybe by that point I just didn't care about the story or the characters anymore - as it was getting so boring!). Actually thinking about it, this should have been an amazing moment full of emotion and significance but once it again it felt pointless, rushed, and flat. The townspeople eventually find out about the Beast and Gaston leads all the awful townspeople (who annoyingly never get any kind of comeuppance for being so hateful and vulgar) to the castle to kill the beast. I was hoping the librarian might jump in and surprise us all by being a hero as he didn't really join in on the cheering when everyone was gearing up to follow Gaston. But nope, no twists or interest like that were permitted. Gaston and Beast fight it out until Gaston falls to his death. Belle and Beast don't profess their love for each other in time before the last rose petal falls so the animated household items turn back into inanimate objects and Beast will stay a Beast forever. Right?? That's what we're led to believe the whole film. Wrong. It's all OK because it turns out Agathe can just magic the rose back together whenever she feels like it - so actually the Beast always had as long as he needed to fall in love and the rose timer - as it turns out- was irrelevant. I hated the ending where everyone is just dancing exactly like in the very opening scene of the film. Basically there should be a voice-over in the end after all that saying "nothing changed and no one learned anything and the castle went back to doing nothing but throwing parties again and everyone was still very much focused on only looks." ... Belle fell in love with a Beast but thank goodness he's not really a Beast he's actually a handsome prince! Phew!! What kind of message is that???? What was the point of this film?? What were the messages?? I didn't get it. The characters, the acting, the singing, the script, the storyline all fell completely flat. No heart and no soul. Disney - please don't keep creating remakes for the sake of it! If it's not going to be better than the original then please don't bother. I'm worried because I've heard that remakes of The Lion King and Aladdin are on their way to being produced. Oh great more auto tuning and CGI overload...