An Absolute Mess

Rating: 2/10 (3 April 2016)

After being bored to death by the bland Man of Steel, my expectations for the first cinematic clash of DC's biggest icons were low with good reason. With Snyder back at the helm I was concerned it would be style over substance yet again, continuing the confused writing that crippled Man of Steel and not understanding its characters motivations. Sadly my low expectations weren't even meet. Batman v Superman is one of the most incoherent and poorly written films I have seen in a long time, with a plot that seems to be making things up as it goes along and characters that have no relatability or motivation.
Story: After Superman destroyed most Metropolis he is considered a danger to the population and the returning Batman believes he needs to be killed. Meanwhile Lex Luthor finds pieces of Kryptonite and uses it to create a weapon that could defeat Superman. Sounds simple enough, but the film is so convoluted it's hard to get your head around it. There are senate hearings, Batman trying to steal the Kryptonite, Lois Lane trying to defend Superman, Luthor wanting Superman dead for no reason and a mysterious figure who we find out is Wonder Woman. It's all crowbarred into the film and absolutely none of it is given enough screen time to make sense. Worst of all is that the entire central conflict (a good 2/3's of the film) is completely resolved because both of their mothers are called Martha, well what a small world it is after all.
Heroes: Ben Affleck is comfortably the best thing here as the Dark Knight. He not only looks fantastic, but has the intensity and delivery that lends itself perfectly to the role. It's just a shame that his Batman is written so badly. Henry Cavill is as bland as ever as Superman. He's just boring to watch and he has a blank expression on his face for the entire film, added to that Superman just comes off as uncaring and stupid because of his perplexing decision making.
Villains: Jesse Eisenberg wins the award for most irritating over-acting in the history of cinema. Whoever cast him as Luthor should never work again. He was literally a manic mix of Jim Carrey's the Riddler, Cesar Romero's Joker and Rain Man times ten. His delivery was painful, every so often he'd be whispering to himself like someone at the old folk's home, and by the climax he's just a raving nerdy lunatic. I hated every moment he was on screen. Doomsday shows up at the end as an excuse to level some more buildings and that all there is to him.
Support: Lois Lane is as dull as dishwater again. There is no reason for her to be here and her actions are solely put in for her to do something. An aging and very bland Amy Adams makes it worse. Gal Gadot shows up as Wonder Woman for all of ten minutes and she's leaves no impression though she looks good. The likes of Jeremy Irons and Diane Lane do okay with what their given.
Action: The main fight between the two heroes is effective and appropriately hard-hitting, with some great angles and an intense atmosphere. The Batman fights are actually well done and as you'd imagine he'd fight. However, the climactic battle is action overkill. It's exactly the same as the Man of Steel ending, just buildings being flattened and shots that make it hard to tell what's going on.
Music: Hans Zimmer's score is so generic it's painful. There is no main theme to speak of. It contains his usual big horn sound that has been done to death and the throbbing synths, but it's nothing new and just gets lost in the mix.
Production: The editing is some of the worst I have ever seen. Scenes begin and end on a whim, there's too many fade to blacks to count, flashbacks and dream sequences come out of nowhere, we jump from location to location with no rhyme or reason and scenes that seem to be building to something end with no resolution. It is truly horrendous. There's no levity throughout, it's just dark and grim for the sake of it. Snyder isn't the type of director that can make dialogue engaging and it shows here, bar the scenes with Bruce and Alfred I was bored stiff because none of the lines seemed exciting or interesting. For the most part we're just watching people babble on about nothing in particular. The shoe-horning in of the Justice League characters is awkwardly done and stinks of studio interference. The character writing is mind-numbingly bad. Batman is effectively on a murderous rampage the whole film, Superman doesn't even hint at feeling anything for other human beings and Luthor has no reason whatsoever to want Superman dead. None of the characters thoughts or feelings are examined or discussed, so we are left with blank slates whose actions carry no weight.
Conclusion: To call the film a mess is a massive understatement because above all else it's a film that doesn't have a coherent plot line and simply doesn't even understand its own characters. Nothing that happens makes any sense, these characters are incredibly dull or annoying and we don't know a thing about them bar what is presented on the surface. The title conflict is a joke, taking up most of the film only to be resolved in seconds and then we get a mini team up that ends on a truly baffling note. None of the main actor's bar Affleck are remotely engaging (Eisenberg is nauseating), the fight scenes are mixed at best, the dialogue is poor, the plot is incredibly incoherent and Snyder simply can't do anything well other than action overkill. It's a real shame that such iconic characters first time on screen together had to be in this mess.