This is not BATMAN

Rating: 4/10 (16 July 2008)

I'll always remember the anticipation I had for this film back in the summer of 1992 a young 15 year old kid who was still feeling the euphoria of Batman 89' . That film in my opinion brought Batman to life and made people forget about the campy Batman. Batman 89' was not only dark it was heroic and for me it was THE definitive Batman movie.
So when it was announced that another Batman movie was going to be produced I was very excited and expected it to be just more of the same with some new villains. I really hoped that Two Face would be the main villain but when it was announced that Catwoman and the Penguin will be the villains I didn't protest because I thought that they might do the job.
Anyway the big day came : Premiere night. Now in those times there was now internet to give away plot details so I'll I Knew is that it's Batman against Catwoman and the Penguin. I still had tremendous anticipation. But as the film started I was starting to doubt whether I was in the wrong theater as the Penguin's origin came up . Throughout the film my heart sank as I watched this poor excuse for a Batman film.
After watching the film a couple times more I tried to analyze why I ,a Batman fan do not like this film and the reason is simple it is not a " Batman" film it is just Tim Burton taking Batman his own way,this macabre, morose, dark abomination was a Batman film in name only .
Quite frankly and excuse my language the film's plot Sucked !! What is it all about ...is it about Batman? And if so, just what the heck was he doing besides standing around brooding  seemingly a secondary character to the villains? The Penguin story was pathetic , after living in sewers with his stupid Red Circus Gang he tries to become Mayor of the City and almost succeeds !! I also found nothing appealing about the kidnapping and the potential murder of young children?Also you have these penguins with rockets attached to their back about to attack Gotham ! Penguins for God's sake !! This was the best and most exciting climax they could come up with for this film? On top of an already cluttered film, you have this Max Shreck,a character who was never in the comics tossed into the mix. What was the point of his preposterous power plant storyline? He wants to build a new power plant for Gotham, and Bruce opposes him. Wow, that's interesting! A ray of hope in this film and this why it gets 4 stars is the Catwoman story line which was told well.
Another thing which angered me and which made me ask the question : is this really a sequel to Batman 89' ? I really don't think so ! so many things are different . Gotham City looks different ,cluttered and small. What happened to Harvey Dent ? Vicki Vale ? Alexander Knox ? The old mayor ? Nothing is present or is explained.
Finally, just when did The Batman do anything "heroic" in BATMAN RETURNS? I wanted to see Batman do some classic "Batman stuff" like chase down and dispense justice to street thugs, crime kingpins, and the like. How about some iconic, Batman-like poses once in a while? When, at anytime in this film, did you feel like Batman was saving the day? When he's taking on the Red Circus Gang? When he's foiling the Penguin's kidnapping plans? When he's saving Gotham from a mass of missile-equipped Penguins? Come on ! Batman is a superhero, yet there is nothing heroic about BATMAN RETURNS. There isn't one moment in this depressing film where we are given the iconic, heroic Batman. Never does this film offer anything a Batman fan can feel good or proud about. There is nothing about this Batman that makes you want to cheer.
But now here comes the questions is Batman Returns the worst Bat-film ever ? Well in my opinion this can be put it one sentence.
Batman Returns is a Great Tim Burton film, a bad and weird film and a horrible Batman film So if you are a Tim Burton film you'll like this film , if you are a normal movie goer you'll find this film "weird " and if you are a Batman fan like me you'll hate this film.
Luke Mizzi 4/10 ****