Would you like a rocket-firing penguin for Christmas?

Rating: 6/10 (10 June 2006)

In my continuing review of the Batman films, I recently saw Batman Returns again. I believe that it is one of the better comic-book films I have seen, but it is really bogged down by some issues that cause the film to drag.
Basically, the film is about the emergence of two new villains, The Penguin (played by Danny DeVito), a vengeful sewer dweller who wants to kill the children of Gotham in revenge for what his parents did to him as a child, and Catwoman (played by Michelle Pfeiffer), a former secretary who inexplicably turns to a life of crime when she is thrown out of a window by her boss, Max Shreck (played by Christopher Walken). And Batman? Christ, who cares. He barely has a purpose in the film anyway, other than to stop the two of them and have a date with Selina Kyle.
I said it before in my review of the first film, and I'll say it again here. The film focuses more on the villains than the actual title character, and that is not a good thing by any means. If the characters had any sort of interesting back-story, it might be better, but the way these two come to be villains is just ridiculous. Selina Kyle gets pushed out of a window by her boss, falls many stories, then gets "licked" back to life by cats (no, I'm not kidding), and THEN she proceeds to tear up her apartment, make a ridiculous-looking suit made up of spare leather, and suddenly she knows how to do back-flips and fighting maneuvers? A little explanation would have been nice.
The way the Penguin is characterized in the comic books is interesting, because he is a crime boss, and poses a continuing threat to the safety of Gotham. Here, we find out that he was born a freak, his parents threw him into a sewer, and then he was raised by penguins, who supposedly taught him how to read, write and commit acts of crime? And what was his plan? To become the mayor of Gotham? Did he even have any political skills of any kind? The fact that he has become a literal penguin only serves to provide fodder for bad jokes that appear throughout the film (notably, the incidents with fish being offered to him, so he can make a complete buffoon of himself).
It seems that the plans these two villains come up with are incredibly stupid and ill-prepared. First, the penguin attacks a Christmas-tree lighting ceremony, apparently to kidnap Max Shreck, and then use him to help him become the Mayor Of Gotham. In addition, he kidnaps the Ice Princess and has Catwoman hold her for ransom, then he frames Batman for her murder (even though Batman can't even be caught by the cops anyway since he sticks mostly to rooftops). THEN, when his mayoral plan doesn't work out, he gets a guy to kidnap a bunch of kids and ride through town on a slow-moving vehicle, perfect for a counter-attack. Finally, he gets a number of penguins to walk into the middle of Gotham City (which is strangely deserted), and fire off a bunch of rockets, which, in the end, we came to find out don't really do all that much damage anyway. And what did Selina Kyle do? She blows up a department store, stalks Batman around and gets shot numerous times before electrocuting her boss. Really smart planning there.
Michael Keaton gives a better performance in this film than the previous one, if only because he has shed the geeky, shy demeanor and become more forceful and assertive in his role as a protector. Likewise, the rest of the cast gives good performances as well.
I realize that in a comic book film, events may be exaggerated, but the physics at work in this film are unbelievable. First we are asked to believe that a woman who's been pushed out of a window can survive a thirty-story fall, when a woman pushed in a similar situation gets killed instantly. Then, we are asked to believe that Batman carries magical metal wings that all of a sudden take shape from his cloth cape whenever he desires it. Finally, we are asked to think that a woman who gets shot several times, then gets partially electrocuted, can survive just because she's dressed in a catsuit. It's these sorts of situations that serve to stretch the limits of the film.
In addition, the whole film seems to take place withing a time-span of three or four days, which in that time, sees Batman getting discredited by a guy who has just come from nowhere looking like a penguin, a woman making up a catsuit, blowing up a department store and following her crush around, The Penguin running for the mayor position and failing, and having the time to "take in the sights of Gotham", plan all his operations and execute them, AND crash a dinner party. Now that's what I call time management!
Bottom Line: In the end, though, the movie is enjoyable for what it is, if you overlook the ridiculous villains, threadbare plot and the lack of Batman himself. I give this film a 6 out of 10, and while it is one of the better films, you're probably better off watching the ever more dependable Batman Begins, if you want to see some more credible villains in action.