Nope, Batman didn't return, Michael Keaton did!

Rating: Null/10 (26 September 2002)

Hate to stand up against a unified front but hey guys, I hated this blacked out, doped-up ode to a night-avenger in built-up heels! What's to like? our rubber-clad hero having his butt unceremoniously kicked by a girl who's pushed the Weight-Watchers guide to new limits? A despicable sleazebag of a villain, a veritable fish-ridden midget in need of either a skilled orthodontist or a hopelessly ambitious plastic surgeon! Nah, its gotta be the adrenalin-fuelled plot....all those munchkin-sized killer penguins on the loose in Gotham City! Then we have the much-vaunted legomobile with ultimate retractability that permits its maniacal driver to negotiate alleyways too small for the average bicycle!...and only once at that. Yeah, great film for the "duh" brigade!
Hey...I LIKE Tim Burton...least up to the point he totally blew all credibility with PLANET OF THE CHIMPS! The original BATMAN was a work of total gothic brilliance despite Keaton being at least a foot too short! Why???? simple..Jack Nicholson came up with the performance of the decade, possibly his career! It had everything. This had less than nothing and what it DID have should have been crushed underfoot!
Take a poll of 3000 BATMAN RETURNS patrons - betcha 60-70% would agree with this twisted, defamatory but totally accurate summation!