I hate Batman Begins

Rating: 1/10 (25 June 2006)

Dear Christopher Nolan,
Hello. My name is Nick Lang. I'm writing this letter to you in response to your film Batman Begins. I would just like you to know that I thought that movie was the most unbearable piece of crap I have ever seen on film. It was so incredibly boring. The plot line was direction-less and terrible. You have successfully ruined some of my favorite comic book characters to ever exist. Your lame excuse for the Scarecrow was the least compelling villain to ever grace the silver screen. Your Ra's Al Guhl was so off it not even funny. I mean, did you read a single Batman comic before you made this horrible film. Do you even know who Ra's Al Guhl is, you child? He's supposed to be a 5,000-year-old Arabic man. You made him a Chinese ninja, and you had a Japanese guy playing him. Did you pay any attention when you were making this movie? I know what you're thinking, "Ra's Al Guhl being a 5,000-year- old Arabic man who can heal himself and obtain eternal youth through Lazarus pits is totally stupid." Well guess what. That's Batman, you idiot! If you don't like the source material from the comics, then why would you make the movie? How dare you, sir. You made a Batman movie where the characters from the comic could never exist because the world you've created is void of all magic and fun. Would you ever put Robin into a movie. You've been quoted as saying "no". If you wouldn't put Robin in a movie than you do not deserve to make Batman films because you are not a fan of the comic and you have no idea what makes Batman a good story. Your movie was heartless, pretentious, confusing and boring. Seriously, did you write this soulless motion picture or did your illiterate pet chimpanzee. In your film, you have created the least likable, whiniest incarnation of Bruce Wayne I have ever seen. I was shocked and appalled that you dared to call that a Batman film. Do the world a favor and never make another movie again. I sincerely hope that you loose creative control of the Batman franchise. I would rather there never be another Batman film than see you ruin another one of my favorite characters. If you do make a sequel to this dreadful movie, I beg you, if you have one shred of human decency, do not put the Joker in it because it is obvious that you have no idea how to create a world on film in which he could exist. You're film has taken all of the magic and drama out of Batman. The only reason this film was successful is because Batman & Robin was terrible as well, and the masses of people (who can't distinguish good from bad) thought your movie was executed well because it was nothing like that movie. But your film was not good in anyway. It was ugly and bland. I would go as far to say that it is worse than Batman & Robin because it was boring and not even visually stimulating. I can think of nothing you could have done to make Batman Begins a less enjoyable film. When it comes to telling a Batman story, you are by far the worst I have ever seen. I pity you Mr. Nolan, because you are not very good at what you have set out to do with your life. Your success comes from your incredible luck to somehow becomes involved with projects that have pre-sold names. I am seriously baffled that Batman Begins has been as successful as it is. I am flabbergasted that it was nominated for an Academy Award (it being one of the ugliest movies I've ever seen). I just don't get why anyone let you make this awful, awful film. I'm sorry for the harsh honesty contained in this letter, but your film has filled my heart with such rage, I don't know any other way to get it out effectively. I hated Batman Begins. I hated your movie. I hate the movies you make. I hate the way you tell stories. I hate that people liked your putrid film. I hate that you have control of the best comic book character ever created. You do not deserve that honor and responsibility. Shame on you, Christopher Nolan. Shame. I don't know how you sleep at night. Honestly, you have ruined on of the best stories ever told, the story of Batman. You should never write another movie with David Goyer, because he is a terrible writer too. Try to get someone with some talent to help you write your next film, which I pray to God is not a Batman movie. So, let's recap to wrap up this letter. Batman Begins was the most boring, bland, pretentious piece of crap film I've ever seen. You've ruined Batman. I hope you never get to make another movie. I hope everyone realizes how horrid Batman Begins is and it is soon forgotten. I can't believe you would have the balls to completely rape the Batman characters (particularly Ra's Al Guhl and Scarecrow) like you did in that film. I refuse to believe you've ever read a single Batman comic book. And you should watch some good movies and learn from them. You need to learn basic story telling principles, Mr. Nolan, like to put human interaction and drama happen in your story. I wish that you would have never made this film. Anyone else making a Batman movie would have been better than you. You stole the two hours of my life that I spent watching this piece of crap, and you stole the $9 is cost me. You raped my eye sockets. Thank you for taking the time to read this letter. Never make another Batman movie ever again, please.
Sincerely, Nick Lang