Beautiful to the Eyes, Painful to the Senses

Rating: 3/10 (22 December 2005)

Okay, I will admit that I saw this film only once, about 30 years ago. I had totally loved "A Clockwork Orange," and couldn't wait to see Kubrick's latest. I was an English teacher at the time, and I recall one of my students telling me that her dad had seen the movie, and thought it was just about the most beautiful movie he'd ever seen. That really whet my appetite to see it even more.
As it turns out, her dad wasn't wrong, exactly. "Barry Lyndon" as seen on the big screen is sumptuous. Scenes could be frozen and committed to canvas as works of art. The cinematography was grand.
The story, less so. The plot was so forgettable, at least as presented in this movie, that I can scarcely remember any of it. I do recall one long, long protracted scene of Ryan O'Neal and Marissa Berenson (I think) riding in a carriage. He was smoking a pipe, or cigar, or whatever. They sat silently while riding, as he smoked and she periodically waved away his smoke with an annoyed, gloved hand (that's how I remember it anyway). The scene seemed to go on for a good 5 minutes, although it was probably just a minute or so that FELT like 5. I wanted to jump out of my skin. Honestly, I have a vague memory of having left the theater at intermission. I'm not completely sure that I did, it was so long ago. But if I did, it was the first and last time. I can tolerate boring movies. I am very, very difficult to offend. I can tolerate stupid, pointless movies. But "Barry Lyndon" seemed to be in another category altogether. I couldn't relate to anyone in the movie, least of all Ryan O'Neal's portrayal. At that time, he seemed to me to be, as an actor, completely without substance. Maybe Kubrick chose him exactly for that quality. I don't know.
To be fair, maybe if I watched this movie again in the present, I would like it and appreciate it. But I doubt it.
I give the movie a 3 out of 10 because of the beautiful cinematography, nothing more.