Delorean took cocaine

Rating: 10/10 (16 February 2004)

Back to the Future concerns itself with an accidental trip into the past facilitated by a converted Delorean Sports Car. What isn't fully explored is the role that poor production values, industrial incompetence and the subsidies of the British Taxpayer, propping up a failing and corrupt American adventure capitalist, played in Marty Mcfly's near-on temporal suicide and submission to incest.
The time machine was the product of substandard labour from a ill-trained Ulster work force. In an area where zealots and murderers had ruined the local economy in the pursuit of an imagined community but with an all-consuming disdain for democracy and the value of human life, Delorean had stepped in, not for altruistic purposes but because of tax breaks afforded to him by the then Labour Government who were desperate to do something about the stifling level of provincial unemployment. If these men couldn't get jobs then they might be tempted to take up arms and join the mob, knee capping young men under the pretext of collusion of the Unionists and the British Army or, if there was no such man, kidnap mothers in front of their children and shoot them in the head. Thus mainland British taxpayers, who worked hard and had no part in the religious hatred that had ruined this community, began to have their cash syphoned off for the sake of a PR initiative. At stake - the vanity and greed of John Delorean, a man who saw the local fat, semi-literate workforce with their half-baked, bigoted ideals as the perfect contingent to fashion his overpriced, poorly designed sports car. The stainless steel construction would later be cited as conducive to allowing the mechanism of time travel to take place but in practice it was the cars poor acceleration and botched circuitry that would prove more decisive when Marty was forced to flee for his life from Libyan terrorists. Marty's odyssey into the past nearly wiped out his existence and could have lead to sexual intercourse with his mother. At the root of it all we may look to the folly of cheap Labour, poor management and a cheated British electorate.
Some good laughs.