Electra Glide in Jungle Cat Blue.

Rating: 9/10 (25 January 2010)

"For the protection of the good, for destruction of evil, and for the establishment of righteousness, I come into being from age to age." --Lord Krishna, avatar of Vishnu, The Bhagavad-Gita.
Hubris. Conquest. Destruction. Hell. Humility. Harmony. Renewal. Paradise.
Frank Zappa once said, "Writing about music is like tap dancing about architecture." And there's no way to describe James Cameron's AVATAR without a lot of tap dancing.
If it weren't so serious, it would be satire. If it weren't so expensive it would be laughable. If it weren't so irresistibly watchable it would be golden trash.
Ah, which hubris to talk about first? The hubris of writer-director Cameron for foisting a story as old as the hills (or at least as old as Kevin Costner) on a demographic whom he is sure has never seen DANCES WITH WOLVES, 1990 (but might be familiar with the 2009 SOUTH PARK episode, Dances With Smurfs)?; the hubris of the human race in 2154, strip-mining Pandora, a verdant moon four light years from Earth, for a mineral called "unobtanium" (presumably named by a geologist who had no imagination on how to mine it, sell it or even think about its utility), and callously wiping out the indigenous Na'vi species to obtain it?; the hubris of Cameron utilizing his own all-new patented King-Of-The-World motion capture technology to turn real life actors (who perform the whole movie anyway in their sensored jumpsuits) into Na'vi cat-toons, Because He Can, at a cost which could wipe out hunger in at least two Third World countries?; or the hubris of we the audience by going along with Cameron's subtle demeaning of the Na'vi race by blindly taking it for granted they are so unsophisticated that they would accept an impostor into their midst whom they know is nothing more than a ventriloquial figure for a human? If the American Natives took blankets in exchange for land, I guess ALL indigenous peoples are that gullible...
Speaking of ventriloquial figures, Sam Worthington (as paraplegic jar head Sully) captures that wooden acting idiom that up until now was purveyed unchallenged by Christopher Reeve as SUPERMAN. Worthington's got a great career ahead of him as a plank.
Early minutes laden with exposition dialog are tiresome, as Cameron rationalizes the financially-unsound concept of military avatars - Na'vi creatures mixed with human DNA, mentally controlled by humans, mingling with the forest-dwelling Na'vi for the purposes of... something something metaphor something. Totally unnecessary, cos if the big bad military is going to forcefully strip-mine Pandora anyway, why bother snowjobbing the natives as avatars or negotiating a peaceful exodus? Sully neural-links with his ten-foot, blue-skinned cat-person through a MATRIX-like fusion of non-science, whereupon he experiences the euphoric use of his legs again. And a nice piece of tail. And if that isn't incentive enough to betray your own species, cue the sexy naked cat-chick, Neytiri (Zoe Saldana) - a nice piece of tail - who, even though an alien, sports pert tennis ball ta-tas in a disturbingly anatomically-correct position on her chest, and who rides her bird-thing in a demonstrably human sexual position - and it's homo who? The tail only makes it hotter.
Though Sully is with the science team, the mantastically pumped-up Colonel Quaritch (Stephen Lang) sequesters him as a double agent, to report tactical weaknesses in the Na'vi stronghold.
Sully has way too much fun being taught the Omaticaya tribe's ways by Neytiri, in a montage which screams upcoming unsafe sex scene.
By the time Sully plonks Neytiri on a bed of luminous lichen, his alliance with the natives is sealed. He fights on the side of the Na'vi when Quaritch comes a-calling with his giant helicopters, and what must be spectacular coffee, for him to be sipping it constantly while in heated missile strikes.
The military chop down the mightiest tree in the forest with a herring, making the Na'vi wish they'd invented fire insurance.
In the movie's greatest irony, Quaritch keeps calling Pandora "hell" - when it is actually a paradise - as he BRINGS hell to Pandora with his gunships.
Thereby forcing the Na'vi to stoop to human methods of warfare; in essence, "fighting terror with terror" - because the filmmakers possess only limited "human" imaginations, and cannot conceive of battling military might other than by making two wrongs make a right.
So why bequeath this unoriginal, scientifically-contrived tale such high cucumber ratings? Because it is done with a surety of hand, a certainty of concept and a gleeful whoop of entertainment maximus. The script moves the story at such a clip we barely notice the dearth of plot and, to tell the truth, the science is adhered to more closely than most sci-fi actioners.
With the undoubted impact AVATAR has on first viewing, people have dusted off one of his old sobriquets and are calling Cameron "king of the world" once more. But which world? AVATAR's most impressive achievement is Pandora itself as an integral character; on its orbital position as a satellite of the large planet that dominates its sky; on its implied ecosystem that pulses from the screen in mind-numbing detail.
The Na'vi have an intimate greeting, "I see you," meaning, of course, metaphorically. Not surprisingly, AVATAR opens and closes with shots of Sully's eyes opening - at the start, he wakes stupid, just a jar head on a cryogenic ride; in the final frames, he opens his eyes as a god; he is whole, wise in the ways of blue tooth, subsumed by the hive mind. He is Pandora's Jar.
Making the most wondrous thing about Pandora the fact that it could actually educate a jar head.
--Review by Poffy The Cucumber (for Poffy's Movie Mania).