Even if it is sporadically decent or fun, it's mostly a bore

Rating: 5/10 (28 December 2009)

A crashing bore. There is almost no real reason to see this film. As you could probably tell from the previews or other plot descriptions, it is a virtual remake of Dances with Wolves, but starring elongated, CGI, blue aliens. Yet even that movie wasn't nearly as patronizing with its noble savage bullcrap. I am not exaggerating when I say I have almost never seen a less imaginative movie. But what about the visuals, you say? Well, they are pretty, and the CGI is better than it has ever been in the past. But I'd say it isn't even close to a huge step forward. A pretty tiny step, really, from The Lord of the Rings' Gollum. The (motion captured) faces look more expressive than Gollum's. But they still have far to go before the CGI creations look "photo-realistic", as the idiotic Cameron likes to describe his cartoon characters and settings. And they still haven't worked out just how to move CGI characters - they still don't look like they exist in any kind of real world outside of a computer hard drive. But I guess by now I have to accept filmmakers are always going to rely on CGI, and it's always going to look like a cartoon. I have to say, I did mostly enjoy it when Cameron was introducing new jungle creatures (I think the final tally is about nine different species of animals that live on the planet), but both the flora and the fauna are reminiscent of black light posters and prog-rock album covers (I'll credit Jim Emerson for tipping me toward that, but I knew even in the previews that everything looked a little too familiar). And the N'avi? They're Native Americans. Cameron's allegory is easily the thinnest I've ever seen in a major motion picture. Some critics have argued about how it allegorically relates to current American military woes, but, frankly, if Cameron intended any of it, he screws it up royally by making the N'avi 100% justified in whatever they do. It's every bit as black and white as anything George W. Bush ever said. I'm sure he loves the Hell out of this film. And, even if I tried to just shut off my brain (pretty impossible), so much of the ride is uneventful. If not for the film's final half hour, which is comprised of the big battle, I'd probably call this the worst film of the year. As it is, I'd probably rather sit through Transformers 2 again. At least I can marvel at the audaciousness of Michael Bay's tastelessness. It's better than Cameron's utter blandness.