Astonishingly Bad

Rating: 1/10 (21 December 2009)

I am gob-smacked that serious film critics have gone ga-ga over this mess. The only reason I didn't walk out was I knew there was a big punch-up coming at the end which would pull out all the stops.
I haven't seen any of the big films which have been screened in 3-D before this one. The scenes in the forest with all the flora and fauna get the most benefit from being filmed in 3-D. But I saw more effective 3- D when I was a kid, or at an Imax screening before Imax started showing regular films in addition to its scientific ones.
At no point during "Avatar" did I duck reflexively--which is what's great about 3-D because you think a ball is going to hit you, or a car is hurtling towards you. This looked more like a moving version of a diorama or a 3-D card or photo printed on rutted plastic-coated cardboard.
The script was terrible--a vomit-inducing blend of faux scientific gobbledegook and new age, airy-fairy nonsense. That bizarre merging of the characters with animals and each other via their braids (don't ask!) was sexual but in a very, very creepy way,
I can't wait for the idiots who start learning the made up language in time for the next ComicCon or the first "Avatar" convention.
Head over to the nearest Home Depot and start working on those tails!