Nothing short of awful

Rating: 1/10 (29 June 2008)

Okay so I see there are a plethora of people outside of the U.S. who absolutely adore this movie... Kudos to you crazy peeps. I think for us Americans we are a little more discriminating. A number of people have noted Freddie Highmore's creepiness and I must agree but I say why stop there... How 'bout Kerri Russel's weird far off stare throughout the movie? I did figure the stare out though. I'm pretty sure she was looking out towards the stage door in hopes that she could flee from this bad, bad, bad movie. Where to start... events that happen are simply astounding in their flying in the face of convention and believability. Musician knocks up musician on rooftop. Musician's father spirits daughter musician away from randy Irish musician so he can't violate his musician daughter again. Daughter musician winds up pregnant.Luckily for father just before musician daughter has birth, daughter gets hit by a car and baby must be delivered and then given up as an orphan all without the consent or knowledge of seemingly sophisticated musician daughter. Irish musician lad spends the next 11 years doing something vaguely corporate and walking around looking like he's constipated. Musician daughter decides to teach music(go figure). 11 year old bastard orphan child escapes orphanage and goes to the city where every orphan dreams of fleeing to ...New York City. Orphan gets taken in by a orphan/manager pimp for wayward young boys. Cue Robin Williams over acting wildly. Obviously Williams got got paid more by loudness and unstable acting. Can anyone say Hello Oscar?.... Orphan boy plays guitar first time he touches a guitar.... Can anyone say Whimsy?.... Orphan boy gets into Juliard,can anyone say entitlement?..... Orphan boy is conflicted between Fagin type character and professor at Juliard. Fagin type wins out because of the great digs he has provided orphan, old condemned theater with electricity. Cue star-crossed musicians looking for orphan child in New York City because that's where all orphans runaway to. Star-crossed musicians hear and see orphan boy conduct his own symphony and walk up to stage and know that he is their son. Awwwww tugs at the heartstrings doesn't it. Vomit.