Seriously, What Drugs Were The Writers On When They Wrote This?

Rating: 1/10 (20 January 2019)

What in God's name did I just watch? This movie makes absolutely no sense. So a dozen alien spaceships show up shaped like black bars of Dove soap and the military gets college professor Louise Banks (Amy Adams) to translate for them? OK, so Louise spends months cracking the code of our ink-squirting aliens who resemble a cross between squids and Thing from the Addam's Family. Really? Only for a group of rogue soldiers to try and blow up the ship our protagonist is working out of and our resident aliens live in. But don't worry, our highly-advanced tentacled guests are much more forgiving than we are. Turns out, the aliens have a gift for us and actually still want us to have it even after that little stunt by a bunch of army privates. That gift turns out to be their highly-advanced language: Etch A Sketch. No kidding! What's even better is their version of Etch A Sketch can tell the future! So, now our alien flick turns into Looper? *Insert Captain Jean-Luc Picard Meme Here*
Are you confused yet? Anyway, trying to explain the plot and the twist from this point forward gets even harder to do, so I won't. Let's just say it doesn't help that our characters are so wooden and mostly useless. Poor Forest Whitaker and Jeremy Renner. Both try their best, but Whitaker pulls off a no nonsense colonel better than Renner does a physicist. But that's not entirely Renner's fault. They pretty much gave him nothing to do other than be a glorified translation assistant and eventual love interest of Amy Adams. Then there is the screenplay and dialogue. Dreadful! Renner's character actually named our two main aliens Abott and Castillo. What's worse is the aliens actually answered to it!!!! *Insert More Captain Jean-Luc Picard Memes Here*