Klaatu, Barada, Nickleback!

Rating: 8/10 (31 August 2012)

I know that people love this movie but allow me to speak some truth. The truth is that Ash has about as much appeal as reusable toilet paper. Ash is just an ashhole. Yes, I said it! An epic chin and epic appendage does not a hero make. When a girl makes a blanket for him, he doesn't even say thanks. He's a loud-mouthed braggard with a boomstick and he deserves every bit of beating he gets from his mini-me parasites. And btw, there's nothing funny about Badash singing little goody two shoes. But let's talk about the plot. Things take a turn for the worse for Ash when life sucks him back to the medieval era of primitive screwheads who capture him and throw him into a blood-spewing hole of wicked back flippers and growling ghouls. Luckily he and his chainsaw arm make it out alive and the adventure continues. Dare I say the only part of this movie that is truly unmissable is the final battle between the living and the dead. And holy Harryhausen is it a visual feast! You see, long before Viggo, Lego and Dwarf summoned an army of dead to fight Mordor, there was another morbid mass of muertas who had a bone to pick. Bonepipers lead the way and a skeleewag plays a femur flute as the Deadite army close in on the castle. What follows is a mix bag of mayhem that will make you smile. Sit back and let the necromaniacal witch fu wash over you.