An assault on the senses and insult to the intelligence.

Rating: 1/10 (6 July 2000)

This movie rocks; This movie is great; The best movie of the decade- All of which I would be saying if I had an IQ of three and actually liked getting kicked in the head with a steel toed boot.
Nothing about this movie is good. Well the special effects were okay, but everything else is so offensively bad that the chance of the effects saving this movie is about as plausible as the plot.
I'm sorry but Michael Bay is the anti-christ of cinema. I would have rather watched "Batman and Robin" twice than sit through 30 minutes of this piece of junk.
You know the scene in Clockwork Orange where they re-educate Alex with drugs, music and those ultra-violent visuals. Well this movie works just as well. I still feel ill thinking about it.
It's like that annoying drunk guy at a bar who smells and is yelling bad jokes in your face. The one you would give anything for just for him to shut up, but you can't leave cause you want to see his butt thrown out of the bar, which is bound to happen at any point.
This is cinema for the lowest common denominator.
And of course you have morons defending it by saying it's not trying to be anything but entertainment; lighten up; this isn't a merchant ivory pic; it's just $8 worth of fun, etc.
Great I'm all for simple mindless fun. But you still need plausibility and story and acting so you can believe. If you don't care about the characters then what is the use of showing me one of them sacrificing himself for another. If it had any of these things (even slightly), then it would of be fun.
This movie is like some child telling you some improvised story with action figures: "And then the Tonka truck guys go into space...and then they land on the ass-teroid...and then they drive around it and almost float away...and they have to put a bomb in a hole..wait wait I forgot the part about the drills...they have these big drills...and then the guy cries...and then the bomb goes booooooooosh. And he saves the world. And the guy kisses the girl whose daddy cried."
I'm just wondering how much they paid the Criterion Collection company to make a special addition DVD of this heaping pile of junk.