Absolutely Bad

Rating: Null/10 (5 April 1999)

In my deepest hopes I'd like to think that somewhere in Hollywood one of the producers of "Armageddon" wakes up after a fitful night of sleep, splashes cold water in his face, and looks at himself in the mirror, thinking, "My God, what have I done?" But I know the truth is they're thinking "people went to see this movie, let's make more!"
It's easy to see what they were planning on; take the formula of "The Rock," add in some good 'ole boy characters to liven it up, and a healthy dose of patriotism, and you get a movie everyone will love and have a good time with.
At least "Armageddon" showed me what happened to all the Junior High drop outs who never did anything but get into trouble ended up at, they're working on off-shore oil rigs. A key to any movie is liking or identifying with the main characters; but here they're like the loud next door neighbors, you just wish they'd go away. When they get let out to see "what they're trying to save" and they make a beeline to a strip joint, maybe we're better off getting pulverized by the asteroid.
And in a tradition that runs from Fred Flintstone and Archie Bunker, brawn and know-how takes the place of training and skill. I'd love to see it where a highly trained and educated scientist or engineer can do the job, rather than Bruce Willis stepping in the door and telling everyone in two minutes how things ought to be done.
Finally, about all the scenes of run down small town America with little kids running around in denim overalls toting US flags and toy space shuttles- let me put it to you this way, I'm an American midwesterner in a small town, and I couldn't believe the false patriotic hype. May this movie mercifully slide into obscurity.