What did my sense of hearing do to offend Michael Bay??

Rating: 4/10 (15 June 2008)

Or for that matter,ANYONE'S hearing. That was the question that I had from watching this film in the theater almost exactly ten years ago.
This movie had the audacity to pick on another fellow summer flick,Godzilla,and while that big-budget Roland Emmerich film was certainly replete with its own over-bloated budget,frenetic special effects and silly dialog,it at least was FUN,never trying to take on any air of seriousness or emotional grand-standing like this film.
YOu're probably familiar by now with it. Texas-sized asteroid head for Earth. NASA,in the person of a sober,reasoned chief(Billy Bob Thornton,still hot from his Sling Blade win from two years before)decides instead of using their best and brightest to do the dirty work,enlist the help of "the best" team of oil-drillers(led by a sweaty,sardonic Bruce Willis). Of course,as a meteor that size hurtles to Earth,there is,of course,the natural doom that comes with it and this film spares no time in pounding away the gravity of that,with slow moving tracking shots of people all around the world looking to the sky,slow shots of large American flags,slow-mo shots of astronauts and the drill team as they're heading for their capsule(and destiny,it's implied).And of course,pre-requisite romance involving two of the cutest and least interesting characters in the show(played in utter earnest by cute Ben Affleck and pretty Liv Tyler). Wrap it some drippingly earnest Aerosmith music,and you've got "winner" stamped all over it.
A little aside here:no trade secret here but as this was released about a month after Dreamworks' Deep Impact,it and DI get comparisons to each other. To me,while DI was about as much fun to watch as watching a cancer patient slowly die,I still came away with more respect for that film than this sort of cowboy,"EArth's gonna blow up unless U.S.A. sends their toughest to save the day. YEEEEEEEHAAAAAWW!!!" film,which,besides being unnecessarily LOUD(which I think was no mistake by the filmmakers to amp the volume of an already noisy film,evidently under the principle that ear-splitting=memorable),the movie also commits the following crimes: science that was written for people who flunked science class in high school(fire and noise in space come to mind instantly);working my favorite element of this film Steve Buscemi as a likable,if sleazy,comic relief for about two-thirds of the film before trying to turn him into a treacherous character toward the end(maybe the reverse of his turn in 1997's Con Air); practically wasting Owen Wilson and character actor Will Patton in the flush to keep the cameras steady on Willis,Tyler and Affleck;not making up its mind whether it wanted to be a brainless-but-enjoyable summer action flick,a patriotic type thriller or a semi-comedic buddy-to-the-third-power flick.
Another reviewer said that how DI and A differed was a matter of tastes,that people who appreciated thoughtful,more realistic dramas would appreciate DI,while action-lovers would go for A. Perhaps so,but I happen to enjoy a good brainless action figure like the next male,and I STILL found myself angry after this film. Perhaps it was mostly about my hearing that made me steamed,but that should account for something where your film enjoyment goes,right?