A review of Armageddon by me. shocking really.

Rating: 7/10 (28 August 2006)

OK, I'm the first to admit it, I'm a bit of a film snob. The thought of big budget US movies with so many famous names that they can't all fit on the DVD box makes me want to run away and hide. In a box with no holes. Underground. But on holiday in Scotland with nothing else to do on a Tuesday night, i opted to watch Armageddon rather than listen to my dad give us the potted history of The Isle of Mull, thinking i could at least laugh at the bad acting and melodrama.
The opening scenes didn't disappoint, they were suitably badly acted and melodramatic, and as i didn't check the credits, i hadn't realised that i had opted in for Liv Tylers weird ass body shape and crappy airy-fairy voice. Introducing her as the 'smart' daughter seemed too incredulous even for Hollywood. But i'm rambling; although the plot was implausible, when Bruce Willis our big Captain America calls in the help of his oddball team in the forms of Steve Buscemi, Owen Wilson, and t'others, i was in stitches right up until Liv Tyler had to share a scene with Ben Affleck.
Steve Buscemi's performance was priceless, even when playing sleazy weirdo's he's got this amazing comic touch and an ability to make you care about his fate. If he had died I would have stopped watching. Maybe. I was actually quite surprised he didn't, i swear he always dies in films. I felt a bit sorry for Owen Wilson too, he didn't get enough screen time, even if he does have the weirdest nose ever, and I was genuinely surprised that they didn't sweep back and pull Bruce Willis from the brink of death, doom and destruction, in true Hollywood style. But ah well, I didn't exactly miss him.
The angst scenes with Liv Tyler were unnecessary. As were the love scenes between her and Ben Affleck. In fact, her entire performance was unnecessary, i reckon they only cast her cos tehy needed a chick. Come of think of it, if they wanted a chick in the movie they should have put one on the mission. Bruce Willis was watchable, he's not a great actor but he knows what he's good at and sticks to it, and I like some of the films he's been in (Army of the 12 monkeys, 5th element) and Ben Affleck was so inoffensive i forgot he was there for most of the film. Oh yeah, i just remembered there was a chick on the mission, i forgot her too.
Anyway, onto the bulk of the film, where they drill holes in an Asteroid and nuke it, I thought this was formulaic, but tense all the same. Probably because i'm paranoid about the end of the world. The special effects i thought actually added to the drama, which is odd because I could usually do without them. The great part about this was that it wasn't even taken too seriously, Steve Buscemi's space dementia picked me up at times where i felt any more layers of tense situation would make me explode. some of his one-liners, if not particularly original, were delivered expertly and with just the right amount of laughter at himself. I love Steve Buscemi, I really do. I want him to rule the world. And that pseudo Russian guy who didn't sound Russian (I dated a Russian bloke OK, I know what tehy sound like) he was funny too. I've forgotten his name but he's been in some good films.
So anyway, they save the world, everyone (including me) is very relieved, Steve Buscemi makes it back to earth (i'm even more relieved) and the film ends. It was good, I felt satisfied with it. If I'd seen it in the cinema I would have felt that i'd had enough thrills and laughs for my money. And Steve Buscemi! ^___________^
Maybe i'm a little biased. I have a soft spot for overly-long films, and films about the end of the world (because i'm paranoid about it), but anyhow, apart from King Kong (which i loved, also overly long!) I'd say this is my favourite Hollywood Blockbuster; it was tense, injected humour and sorrow in similar amounts, it was professionally done and very slick, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. I found myself actually fearing the end of the world, even though i knew it wasn't going to happen, and... come on, Steve Buscemi! I love him!
Oh my Gosh I'm a freak! I just wrote 750 words on Armageddon! Make that 766.