The worst movie I've ever seen in the theater

Rating: 1/10 (27 September 2000)

I could compare this movie to a dozen badly made (though surely more cheaply made) sci-fi flicks (Meteor comes to mind), but the real comparison that I arrived at was to the crappy full motion video games that came out in the early 90's. You know the ones where you would bop the joystick right, then left, and maybe hit the action button? The whole movie proceeds in a series of sequences like this, except for a few treacly touchy feely scenes where the movie grinds to an utter halt. At least my ear drums had a chance to heal.
About halfway through the movie, the characters board a space shuttle to go in the space. At this point in the theater, I literally turned to my wife and said, "Well, maybe it will get better from here." No such luck. I will confess to being a science weenie, and it bugs me somewhat when sci-fi flicks play fast an loose with the facts. Nevertheless, effective storytelling gets me past that. Armageddon is an insult to the American movie-goer, almost as if some foreign movie company had typed up a script, saying all along "Who cares if we show grass on the asteroid (no joke)? Those stupid Americans won't know the difference!" Then the evil multinational corporation would run screen tests that would tell them they need more explosions and less dialog. Now that I think about it, I think a movie about the making of Armageddon would have made a better movie.
Listen, some bad movies are still fun, like Highlander, or Remo Williams...this movie has no joy in its heart. It is coldly cynical and corporate and dead. Please don't support it by renting it. If you're looking for a space disaster flick, rent any of the Alien films, or Deep Impact, or even the fairly lousy Event Horizon. EH missed it's target, but its heart was in the right place.