Gold-Plated Turd

Rating: 2/10 (12 January 2003)

Simply awful. I am astounded that 9% of voters thus far saw fit to grant this piece of drivel a 10. For those of you haven't seen Armageddon, put this right back on the shelf there, next to Vertical Limit and Mission to Mars, and walk away. Quickly. No matter how much gilding you put on a turd, it's still a turd, and this one's a real stinker. Stick a bunch of stars in it, and it's *still* a turd. I gave it a 2 only because it must be possible to be worse, though it's hard to imagine how.

Suspension of belief, fine, I can do that, and I will willingly do that in a fantasy (LotR) or science fiction (2001) setting, and good fiction draws you in your without even realizing it, but this is none of those. Truly awful acting across the board, sickly-sweet patriotism, ham-handed special effects, sophomoric dialogue, implausible plot, Armageddon has them all.

Ironically, I could have rated this film higher if it hadn't *pretended* to be real, and was, say, 200 years in the future, or on an alien world. But those upwardly beaming flag-draped faces wouldn't have meant much then, would they?