Giant asteroid on a collision course with earth

Rating: Null/10 (14 July 1999)

ARMAGEDDON ( rating * * out of 5 )
This stomach-churning display of overt patriotism is brought to you by those maestros of big budget fairy-floss, Jerry Bruckheimer, Michael Bay and a host of writers who all seem to have had a go at striking the correct mix of worldwide insignificance and giddying imbecility. Congratulations gentlemen, success is yours.
'Armageddon' is about a giant asteroid on a deadly collision course with earth. Stunningly original I know, but this is where it gets really good. If the world is in trouble, who do you call? That's right, the United States of America.
With considerable flag waving they come to the rescue of us kulaks who call this third rock from the sun home. Between high fives and puerile dialogue, they pool their seemingly undefeatable resources to atomize this pesky asteroid. Now watch carefully Russia and China, and see how this sort of annoyance is dealt with.
Bruce Willis' performance is ultimately cold and arrogant - about as detached as a dislocated finger where his personality is left flapping in the breeze. We can only hope that one day Mr Willis will grow into his head.
Ben Affleck's character was in desperate need of a good slapping, Liv Tyler was anemic and ghoul-like in appearance and I was surprised that her image actually showed up on film, and Billy Bob Thornton was very good - one of the reasons this film secured its two stars.
The feeble attempts at humor were about as subtle as smashing your funny bone with a ball-peen hammer, while the machine-gun style editing and the lambasting soundtrack was comparable to having pieces of your skull being chipped away by a mallet and chisel.
After Bruce Willis delivered the line, "Six billion people on the planet, why did you guys call me?" the cracks were showing, and with the immortal utterance, "The United States government just asked us to save the world, does anyone want to say no?" I was ready to regurgitate the contents of my stomach.
If it wasn't for the humans in this movie, one could easily mistake it for an animated caricature. Obviously Bruce Willis and Ben Affleck were cast because Rocky and Bullwinkle weren't available.
As the film progressed into its grand finale, I must admit, I found myself getting involved with what was happening even though the cutting was harsh and left me wondering at times what the hell was going on. Ultimately though, the overall production was fuelled by its huge budget and its essence was nothing more than suds and lather. I do recognize that there is a huge market for this kind of thing and Jerry Bruckheimer is the master of tapping into it.
It is a little sad to see a flotilla of potentially good actors capsizing in a sewer of feeble-mindedness here, but I believe they are their own worst enemies. I'm sure the pay-checks are what lured them to this movie rather than the project's alleged distinction.
It can be argued that there is a place in the grand design for entertainment aimed at the lowest common denominator, but to spend millions and millions of dollars on it just seems like it isn't worth the effort. If this is the only way the audience can be amused, then I have grave concerns for humanity's collective level of consciousness.