And I thought Lost in Space was bad.....

Rating: 1/10 (1 March 1999)

but this absolute stinker takes the cake. I have a pretty high tolerance for lousy sci-fi. But I've had a better time watching a 20 year old piece of crap like "The Dark" or even "Ocotoman" than watching this "film".
And I don't mind empty entertainment. But you have to turn off far more than usual to watch this film. You have to give up any sense of discovery, or ambiguity, because this film has neither. You have to turn off your brain entirely, from the pacing, the limp plotlines, to the gut churning photography where a shot more than 10 seconds long that hasn't rotated, spun, zoomed or swept is a chance to let your stomach settle. The characters couldn't utter their lines less convincing ways, the supposedly great special effects were used to support such lousy science it was far more of an affront than in the old days when lousy effects went with lousy science. Every single scene looks like a cliche commercial from some product or another. Why do astronauts have to walk in slow motion? Why do they have to have an explosion of some kind every 10 minutes or less? From exploding oil wells, exploding cars, exploding space shuttles, exploding space stations, exploding astronauts, you get the idea. Just how many explosions can people see in movies before they get tired of it? The aptly named Armageddon will doubtless be the movie Satan chooses to use to torture people in hell, and it would probably have the damned there begging to go back to burning forever or being eaten by cockroaches after about 6 minutes. The only mildly amusing thing in the entire movie is the fatalistic Russion Cosmonaut, but you'll get better value from a 10 seconds of an old Yakoff Smirnov routine. Don't waste your time or your money on this movie, go do something less painful like crawling on broken glass.