The director failed remedial science

Rating: Null/10 (12 April 2001)

Armageddon was an extremely painful movie to watch. It is just so cheesy. Let me begin by addressing several technical flaws in the movie. First of all, we're told that the asteroid is the size of Texas. Let's assume that it's diameter is as wide as Texas. About 900 miles. So they have to drill 450 miles into the asteroid to blow it up. Not possible. Next, we're told that the space shuttle is made of titanium so it can't be destroyed. The kinetic energy of any object in space larger then a pebble is massive. A piece of paint once cracked the windshield of the space shuttle. So this indestructible space shuttle sounds cool, but it's not possible. The space shuttle banks and turns in space like a conventional plane. Uh, that doesn't happen. There is no air in space and so the rules of aerodynamics do not apply. Next we meet crazy Yuri, or Ivan, or Yakov Smirnoff or some other dim-witted Russian stereotype at Mir. The space shuttle docks with Mir and begins "auto rotational gravity" or some junk like that. Wake up morons, rotation does not create gravity. The Earth has gravity because it has mass, not because it rotates. If the Earth stopped rotating you would actually weigh 5 ounces more at the equator, you wouldn't fly out into space. And, if you stand at the north pole, you aren't rotating at all, but you don't fly into space. Are you hearing me Bruckheimer. Also, Mir contains a huge supply of rocket fuel. Is the fuel solid oxygen like the shuttle actually uses for it's boosters, no it's some sort of liquid. And Mir has some sort of attic or basement that you can crawl through. Man, that's bad. I can't even talk about the asteroid, it's just too embarrassing. Besides this childish action, we have to see the American flag in every scene like blowing up asteroids is our patriotic duty as Americans. I guess since the end of the cold war we need a new enemy to fear. Take that you evil asteroid. So if you can look past huge plot holes, bad science, bad acting (Buscemi plays a stereotype of what he usually plays), and altogether cheeziness, you'll love Armageddon.