Alright who peed in the ocean?

Rating: 3/10 (21 December 2018)

While I can tell that an effort was made to make this movie good, Aquaman still reeks of untapped potential, completely goofy and dumb moments, and all the cheese you've come to expect from the DCEU. I went in open minded, as I had heard good things about this movie. I left pretty disappointed, and even kinda baffled. They thought this was enough to redeem the cinematic universe? It isn't.
We'll start with the cons and then work our way to the pros. If a movie has more pros than cons I start with those first, but more cons than pros I go with cons first. There's a lot to wade through, so bear with me.
* Horrific overcompensation of the character of Aquaman. With powers as lame on paper as "can breathe underwater" and "can talk to fish", they tried making him an utterly unstoppable beast with as many muscles as possible. "He can chug a whole glass in a second!" "He doesn't even flinch at bullets!" "He can bend steel!" Am I describing Aquaman or a mad science experiment with a heavy emphasis on drinking? The dude is completely invincible except for when the script needs him to be weak, like when he's fighting his brother in the first act and gets his butt handed to him.
* Awful effects. I swear half the sea creatures are missing frames of animation. Anything that was designed for the movie looks just plain ugly. For a movie mostly set underwater you would think it would be more magical than what I'm seeing here. Seeing characters float around and interact with each other underwater also comes with an awful microphone effect. I get its underwater but it sounds broken. Also really bad green-screen. It sticks out a lot and you can tell at all times.
* Boring as hell. People sitting near me were taking naps and not missing anything. Interspersed with the action and effects are, at minimum, 20 minute scenes consisting of underwater politics and Aquaman talking with his red haired lady friend. Nothing is achieved with these scenes. Sometimes its plot relevant but most of the time it really isn't.
* BAAAAAAAAD soundtrack. Whoever gave Pitbull and Rhea the green light to ruin Africa by Toto should be thrown into the trench with Aquaman's mom, then we should throw Pitbull in there too. The rest is that mystical "wow look at this scenery" music, thrown in with synth ripped straight from Thor Ragnarok and other bland music similar to Pitbull. Seriously no one likes Pitbull. He's a joke in the music industry and he shouldn't be allowed near movies ever.
* Speaking of Ragnarok, this movie is trying really really hard to be Ragnarok. A strong man who thinks he's got it all has to learn how to be a leader after being exiled by a relative bent on conquering all that is. Wow that's the same exact plot description as Ragnarok. On top of the half synth soundtrack and reliance on CG I just felt like I was watching, and forgive me for this, a watered down Ragnarok.
* The twists and turns this movie goes through don't add up to much, and you can see them coming from the horizon.
* When the action works, it works. When it doesn't, it really doesn't. Stop getting fancy with the camera! The first two action scenes are great. They don't move the camera much, hell the first one is a one-take. Oceanmaster vs Aquaman in the first act was awful. There's this moment where the camera zooms out to them being little specks on a statue, and you can barely see what's going on. I don't care about the statue, I care about the two men with pointy sticks! Is it because they're fighting over something bigger than themselves? Just keep the action on them, their actions speak much louder symbolically than the statue. Black Manta vs Aquaman was also lame, Oceanic Warfare in the third act was just baffling, and the rematch at the end was also lame. Why is it so inconsistent? You had it right the first time!
* Costume design was just plain goofy. The Aquaman suit looks super dumb. The Oceanmaster suit looks like LEGO. Black Manta's suit looks simply idiotic in broad daylight, and of course that's the only time they use it. Atlanticops (the police people in the red and white suits from Atlantis) all look stupid.
* Positives now. Like I said the first two action scenes are great. One takes will always make me happy in any movie, and one take action scenes are very impressive. The second scene where Aquaman is taking out the pirates is also great. Even though its just more Aquaman compensation, the sound design and close quarters action makes this look and feel brutal.
* Black Manta, as a character, is great. Easily the best thing about the movie. It's dumb that the first thing he does with Atlantis technology is vandalize it, but other than that he's awesome. Reminds me a lot of Killmonger, who was also one of the better things about the movie he was in.
* I'm happy that Aquaman isn't just given all the strength in the world right away. He's really strong but he still has room to grow, and needs to learn new things to get an edge on people that have been waiting for this moment for years and years.
* I think that's it.
TL;DR, this movie is bad and isn't worth your time. DCEU has done nothing but disappoint for... what, 5 movies now? Of course they won't die, we've been saying "DC's goose is cooked!" since Suicide Squad and nothing has changed. So just keep away and let the tide pull this one out to sea.