"You should be ashamed of yourself."

Rating: 3/10 (8 December 2014)

This won best picture? Was I watching the right movie? All I would need to write to explain what I thought about Annie Hall would be "Neurotic and tiresome." But I guess I can try to stretch that out a bit.
First of all, could Woody Allen have had a higher opinion of himself? You remember that "What's the difference? It's all mental masturbation." "Oh, well, now we're finally getting to a subject you know something about." part? That's the whole movie. Woody Allen's love letter to himself. It felt like he wanted to write a relateable version of himself but ended up just trying to convince the viewer that he's better than everyone else by explaining that all of his flaws just make him more genius. It began to physically hurt me every time he spoke. Stop stuttering, you weasel-person.
Another thing that made me hate this irritating gremlin-man was his style of directing. Why did anyone like this? It was so disjointed, every scene just hurriedly chopped into the next like Allen's boney little arms were trying to force together two puzzle pieces that didn't quite fit. It had no cohesion, there was no flow to this movie. I guess he might have been trying to make the film feel neurotic like its protagonist? Even if that were the case, that just didn't work for me at all. It reminded me of my favorite film from this year, Birdman. That film was shot and presented like it was all done in one long shot, so it flowed together and the structure was relaxing. Annie Hall was the antithesis of that. Every transition felt like a collision. Maybe it was meant to represent Allen's use of the bumper cars to let out his frustrations. I think I've grown to hate this man on a personal level.
Films are a great joy to me. I love watching movies. Usually, even if a movie turns out to be bad, I'll still enjoy the experience. There are a few exceptions to this, however. Annie Hall is one of those exceptions. This film brought me no joy, it provided no entertainment. It was a chore for me. If this film was a banana, my favorite fruit, it would be black and mushy, and I have no plans to make any banana bread, Woody Allen.