This American Pie Makes Me Glad I'm Canadian

Rating: Null/10 (6 July 1999)

The latest in the series of inane food product movies (following "Canadian Bacon"), "American Pie" will leave you feeling like you've been smacked in the face with one. Universal Studios took a poorly-written, typical teen script and made it worse with hideous casting and lousy directing.
"American Pie" is a sadistic, mocking film that seems to savor the pain it is causing the theatregoing public, many of whom have been dragged to the multiplex by their dates. The humour is definitely of the New York City sewer variety, and this film's creators seem to be in a competition to outdo the morons who made "There's Something About Mary" and "Big Daddy" in terms of crudeness.
This might just be a simple sleazefest if it were not for the absolutely hideous choice of actors. Trust me--these clowns make the brats at "South Park" look sensitive and deep. Natasha Lyonne, with her hair looking like she just stuck a finger in a light socket, and her whiny "I'm a goddess" performance leaving you wishing she had. Chris Klein, who was only cast in this film because the producers couldn't come to contract terms with a potted plant. Chris Owen, who is only suited for silent cameos, is given a speaking part. (Aaargh!) Alyson Hannigan, whose character swings wildly between slut and sweetie, is obviously way in over her head. And is it just me, or is the viewing public weary of hearing Tara Reid philosophize about oral sex? To make matters worse, we actually have to watch her head bobbing around as she performs it! Should we be forcing teenagers to watch such a disturbing visual image? It could turn them off sex forever.
The best line of the movie--and the one you'll be repeating as you gaze into your wallet after the movie--is the one uttered by the jock when he wakes up in bed alone: "I was used!"