Is someone out there afraid of what I am about to say?

Rating: 1/10 (6 July 2000)

For the life of me, I cannot understand all the acclaim over this movie. It's "message", if one could call it that, is little more than a bad joke. Contrary to what you may hear, this film is not, I repeat, NOT a social commentary on current-day life in suburban America, mainly because it has absolutely nothing to do with life in the suburbs. Believe or not, most suburban fathers do NOT lust after their teenage daughter's friends, do NOT try to blackmail their employers, do NOT obtain drugs from the youth next door, and do NOT quit decent jobs to flip hamburgers and ride around in sport cars. Another amazing fact is that most suburban mothers do NOT cheat, or cart their lovers around in their SUVs for a quick bite to eat after having wild sex at the local motel. You'll probably be surprised to learn that the vast majority of suburban daughters are NOT plotting to kill their fathers, that they do NOT expose themselves for the camera of a voyeuristic "boy-next-door", or that their friends do NOT try to seduce their fathers with the skill of a street hooker. I also daresay that the "welcome wagon" is NOT likely to be led by a local gay couple, and I wouldn't be too concerned about the macho military man next door letting loose with his repressed homosexual tendencies and kissing his male neighbor. And last but not least, most suburban fathers need NOT worry about someone sneaking into their homes and blasting them to eternity. All of this, incredible as it may sound, is what this film asks us to accept.
Do you want an accurate portrayal of the life and problems of suburban America? Go rent "Parenthood", which came out about 10 years ago, but is still infinitely more realistic, sensible, and intelligent than this highly overrated nonsense.