Alien Regurgitation

Rating: 1/10 (29 November 2014)

As much as I'd love to do two in-depth reviews of Alien 3 and Resurrection, I'm afraid I just don't have the time and patience for that. However, since I detest both films with the fury of an F5 Tornado, I decided it would be therapeutic to vent my anger in a scathing, uninhibited, unfriendly, rage filled review of both films. Not to mention, rant on how each sequel, crossover, or prequel released after James Cameron's Aliens, has severely tarnished the legacy of the first two magnificent films. Let's begin with Alien 3. After the box office smash that was "Aliens" 20th century fox immediately rushed a second sequel into production. Screenplays were written and thrown out, directors were hired and fired, simply put: The production was troubled from the very beginning. No one knew what to do, or where they wanted to take this film. So after languishing in development hell for a while, The Head Mother f*cker(s) in charge at Fox decided to take two plot lines from two discarded screenplays and mush them together. Director David Fincher was hired and was basically told to make something out of those two plot lines. So here we have of Alien 3, and everything is just plain poor. However, it's not just simply the fact that the film is poor, it's also that the film is such a depressing experience! We learn that somehow, two alien eggs got aboard the Sulaco, the characters that we loved and cheered for: Hicks and Newt have died, and that Ripley is not only the sole survivor of the crash, but also is the only woman on a prison planet consisting of murderers and rapists! Who in their right mind thought that this was a good idea? Who thought that a bunch of murderers and rapists would make for good protagonists?! So to make a long story short, Ripley has discovered an alien inside of her, the prisoners kill the other alien that's been killing them, the company wants the alien that's inside of her, Ripley won't have it, and so she kills herself. So fast forward a few years later, and another alien film is announced. All of us alien fans collectively breathe a sigh of relief, and we think to ourselves: "Okay great, they know that the last film was awful, and now they're going to make up for it." Unfortunately, with the next film, we're all let down even more. But what baffles me, is that people all over defend the fourth film by saying: "Well yeah, the fourth film was bad, but everyone knew that it was just a cheap cash grab anyway, so they just walked through it and didn't even try." But isn't the whole point of film making to try to make a great film for people and fans to enjoy? I'm insulted by the philosophy that "Resurrection was better than 3, because they weren't even trying anyway." Yes, Alien 3 was, and still is a horrible film, but at least the people involved actually tried to make something good out of what they had to work with. With Resurrection, the people involved had a golden opportunity to make a great film, and to please the fans, and rectify their mistake. Instead, this film is nothing more than an excuse to make money. Everyone involved was just looking for a quick paycheck! No care or thought was given to the fans of the franchise, and that's heartbreaking. Sadly, it only got worse after that. Clearly no one cared with AVP, AVP:R, or Prometheus either. Still, we have these excellent, ground-breaking films in "Alien" and "Aliens" and no matter what they do with the franchise from now on, Nothing can, or will ever take anything away from their individual greatness!