Alien Covenant: Not Actually About The Covenant

Rating: 6/10 (28 May 2017)

Alien Covenant is a chestburster within the host of Prometheus 2. Only problem is, this one can't get out of it's host body, hopelessly ramming against its chest cavity with no exit in sight.
(Okay, bad metaphor over)
The meat and bones of Alien:Covenant is that it is really Prometheus 2 masquerading as a prequel to Alien. For the first act of the movie, it really is a thrilling and incredibly well done Alien film, a true successor to the mantle of those that came before it. Scenes in the medbay still give me chills whenever I review them. The soundtrack and mood are incredible. It nails the atmosphere and the aesthetic of the series.
Yet, the moment Michael Fassbender's character reappears, the film figuratively (and literally) reveals its true face. All of the film's packaging goes out of the way to convince you this is an Alien movie, but it's not. Not to say that Prometheus is necessarily bad in its own right, but when it's crammed in a movie that spent its entire first act as ANOTHER MOVIE, it breaks our immersion and enjoyment as audiences.
The film quickly transitions to Prometheus 2, you know, the god complex theology that we all knew from the first film. The entire second act is spent delving into deeper questions and it would be actually pretty riveting, if we hadn't spent the first act in a different movie.
The third act desperately tries to recapture everything it did right in the first act, but there are so many plot holes and bad decisions made by our supposed protagonists that it soils it. Throwing the brakes on their good Alien movie to take a "Prometheus break" tears apart the film in a way it doesn't recover from. The ending also may upset viewers from is high implausibility and reliance of stupidity of the people we are supposed to be rooting for.
Now, I know what you may be thinking by now, "This is a Prometheus sequel, not an Alien film, so why are you ribbing on this film?" Well, the movie is literally named "*ALIEN*:COVENANT". The poster for the film was thought to be the Xenomorph of old (actually called a protomorph). Jed Kurzel's soundtrack (which is 12/10 amazing) makes so many callbacks to the original soundtrack and feel of the first film. This was intentionally marketed as an ALIEN film. So either, a.) I was severely duped and need to suck it up or b.)Statements that this was always just a Prometheus sequel are wrong.
It is still a cut above the standard movies that come out these days, but suffers from the same tragedy that most Alien movies do past ALIENS: They had too big of shoes to fill. There is no reason for a movie directed by the same man, with such a sound lore and amazing history, to be as lukewarm as it was.
That is all, hope you enjoyed it! BA.