A huge insult to Alien fandom

Rating: 2/10 (24 May 2017)

Dear oh dear Sir Ridley, what have you done?
*** FULL ON SPOILERS ***
First off, there are some unforgivable deal breakers that render the film null and void for the Aliens canon:
* The chestbursters take 10 minutes to gestate from implantation to bursting out.
* Implantation can occur during mere seconds as the victim struggles with the facehugger, and once off he has no clue that it happened, no sore throat or anything.
* The aliens grow to full size in hours
* The chestbursters can do tricks for its owner right after it bursts out. Raises its hands (it already has hands!) at David's cue. It was almost like the scene in Spaceballs. Seriously.
* The sophomoric dialog between David and Walter had the audience snickering.
* The tall white alien is ridiculous.
Next, the crew is STUPID. Just stupid. Even worse than the one in Prometheus. One ridiculous unprofessional amateurish decision after another. It would not be unreasonable to assume that they would be highly trained professionals serious about their jobs. But no. Witness:
* They don't *feel* like going back to sleep after stabilizing the ship so they just land on the closest planet, without having done any surveying. The 2000 passengers might have a problem with that when they wake up. Presumably the target planet had been carefully selected.
* They go check out the unknown, potentially dangerous signal in mass numbers, leaving the ship (with 2000 passengers!)
* They touch everything they see, they stop randomly and split up whenever it pleases them.
* They drag very sick, ebola-symptom displaying crewmates who are vomiting blood on them, to their med bay. Once there, when the guy starts freaking out, they lose their minds as though they know what's about to happen (they shouldn't know) and panic and do everything wrong.
* Having survived an ordeal where most of their crewmates died, with some amazing events to digest, potential danger still about, two of them decide to go do it in the shower and turn up their music so loud they can't hear the blaring sirens and mother's warnings.
Next, the plot. Just not good. Not good at all.
The characters: none are interesting, David is over the top, and the acting is terrible.
Sir Ridley I want my money back. It's time to retire. But I can't be mad at you, not with Alien and Gladiator and The Martian and Robin Hood and Blade Runner. But please, enough now.