I barely even have the energy

Rating: 1/10 (4 May 2018)

I wanted to write out a 500 word essay on why this is one of the least creative pieces of sci-fi that I have ever seen, but I just don't have the energy. It's like reviewing watered down cafeteria oatmeal on Yelp.
It sucks. It sucks so bad that it kind of stops sucking. It's sucks to bad that as you watch it it becomes non-existent. The aggravating migraine that grips you for the first hour fades away into a bothersome stress headache as you attempt to swallow this lumpy, flavorless, unimaginative film.
However, I must commend the actors for the quality of their performances. I have never witness such high caliber stars try so hard to be as absolutely bland as they could. It is truly impressive.
To Ridley Scott: I beg you to retire. Let people remember you as the visionary behind the first two Alien films. With every film you put out you are becoming more transparent of an absolute hack.
To the Writers: Stop. You wrote a character into a dramatic sci-fi film whose name is "Tennessee", wears a cowboy hat, has a Texas accent, and drinks whiskey from a bottle. You wrote an erotic scene between two Michael Fassbender robots where one tells the other that "he'll do the fingering". You somehow wrote the dumbest scientists that I have seen in a film. You completely under minded any attempt to have a philosophical core by having an overwhelming boring story, that moves at an overwhelming boring pace, and features overwhelmingly boring characters. If you were attempting a fun action film, you under minded it for the exact same reasons.
I would rather eat concrete mixed in with a bowl of banana oatmeal than ever view this film again. It would probably be more flavorful.
This an embarrassment.