Get away from her you.... Oh wait, wrong one sorry lol

Rating: 6/10 (14 July 2017)

I must admit I was slightly mislead by the title of this film as I soon realised about 20 minutes in that it wasn't about the story of a Nun being transferred to a new convent and is left feeling outcast and alone after being isolated by her peers. Fortunately though, it turned out to be the latest edition of the fantastic Alien franchise.
So, what's on offer this time around then? The long awaited return of much loved "Newt" from the second instalment "Aliens" or more commonly known as "Aliens 2" - Alas, we do not see her in this one, not even her dolls head! Michael Fastestbender is in it though, TWICE! he's an android (not a mobile phone) and also he appears dressed as Gordon "Sting - Don't stand so close to me" Sumner from his early 1990's period.
To sum the film up in a nutshell as to if you should watch it or not, well if you like the franchise (even Prometheus) then you'll like the film. If you don't, then don't, although if I tell you the aliens do ninja kicks in this one, then it might sway you to watch it.
You know how in the first one "Alien" (the one that's singular pronounced) it's mainly filmed on a ship and people have side burns and don't have any OTT health and safety warnings/laws or concerns of being PC with each other? Brilliant soundtrack that builds suspense perfectly and will always be timeless story, with the studio creating an unbelievable Alien puppet Two mouths though! I mean, it's pure genius). Then in Aliens (Aliens 2), and it's on a space station and there's frickin loads of em and the metal detector sounding beep... Beep... BEEP, getting louder as it encapsulates you once again but this time at a typically but will never be achieved again in cinema "90's style pulsating rampant action like pace (shout out to Vasquez- the brilliant but unsung character, fist bump to you gurl) and you're like edge of the seat while like "Bishop!! Where the blinkin eck are ya?" Then in the 3rd and 4th there's dogs and clones etc but still did a good job at being a good film to watch?
It pains me to say but it really does seem like it's getting like "if you've seen one you've seen em all" but without Newt or a Vasquez to welcome into your heart. This time, the latest ill fated gang land on the same planet as what we had to suffer watching Prometheus on. Incidentally, the planet looks very much like some kind of place Bear Grylls would honeymoon on (spoiler - I'll reference Bear again shortly towards the latter part of my review).
So yeah, the gang, gutted about having to venture down on to the planet thanks to their over zealous/I'm the captain so deal with it/paranoid (you know he's gonna be one of the first to go) ships captain. So they land, go for a walk, see new stuff and be all like "ooh you don't see them on Chelsea flower show do ya?" Then lose radio contact, then encounter a mishap of some sort leading one of them to be taken slightly ill (see what I mean about Deja Vu)
Then, from out of no where a pack of teenagers in fancy dress as Voldemort fanatics after one too many cans of Kestrel Super Strength start to set about the crew like proper louts and start eating a few of them. This is followed by screaming and panic stricken gestures for a bit. I don't really need to tell you any more because you've already seen it before. Other than one fight scene in a cave between Bear Grylls in his rainforest ready outfit and another Bear Grylls dressed in his wildly white water rafting wetsuit with a fight to the death over who gets to sleep in the top bunk. I'll not spoil it and tell you who wins. Then finally the last few survivors jet off to safety and into the sunset...... Oh no wait , an aliens jumped on ship without his boarding pass or passport, .... Oh no, what are they gonna do?? Oh yeah, how foolish of me, they'll just wait until they're getting into space and kick it out of the hanger door after a bit of a scuffle, with possibly another shocking twist to come?.
All in all, this may read as though as I've just basically mocked the whole film but like I said, It's worth a watch if you're a fan, if you're not then watch it anyway, just because,.. Why not eh, then you'll be able to realise just how wittingly accurate with tongue inserted in cheek critique review I've written.
Finally, finally, just an observation really. You don't seem to get great movie "sub heading titles" on films anymore do you? You know like - "Aliens - in space, no one can hear you scream" or people over using "quotation" marks in movie "reviews" or having half of it (in brackets) Well, allow me to leave you with this.....
Remember - "On IMDb, no one can hear you read"