break out the kitty litter

Rating: 2/10 (19 May 2017)

If you are able to see past the slapstick, the lapse in judgment, the trite, conceited moments - _especially_ in how Shelley-Byron is somehow used to make the viewer see how intelligently everything is when cast in a British-English accent - there's actually a lot of fun here.
With "a lot of", I mean two things:
1. James Franco turning into KFC near-immediately after the film started, which was A LOT of fun 2. the Alien scuttling about like a cat on fire
So, there was more alien-on-human touchiness than there was in "Prometheus", and although I'm sure there was a lot more processing power here than in all of the LOTR films together, the first made Alien films churned out more scariness per minute than this one. And that alien was practically made out of a cardboard box! And was seen about three times during the entire freaking run!
The android stuff was utterly predictable, and you don't need the combined powers of Google, Apple, and Microsoft to calculate that. DREADFUL. It's Philosophy 101 but crude in the extreme; like seeing Matt Damon's character in "Good Will Hunting" marring the college dude while getting the girl's number - oh, I'm so intelligent, look at me.
What about that murder-in-the-shower scene? Oh god. Where's Freddy and Jason when we need them? Didn't they make a film with both of them already, and Predator? Wait...
To me, the best bit about this film is the part where Fassbender raises his arms to the newly-born alien, which in turn also raises its arms.
Thank Bog for a lot of money and very little to show for it.
Can anybody allow Ridley Scott to make the next alien flick for a maximum of 1000 USD? That way they may have to be creative and get back to using brains to think this ish through before it's somersaulted against the public.