Beethovens Great Fuge of the Alien Franchise

Rating: 4/10 (24 May 2017)

What a colossal... Broken... Mess. I am not just shocked but downright appalled at how Ridley executed this film. Not in the shape of executing cinematography. I mean downright 18th century head cleaving execution (Spoiler warning... which happens in the film too. But who even cares)
What can I say that hasn't already been said. The characters are unfathomably dumb. Let me give you an idea because some of these reviews leave out a few things.
Nr 1. After the ship containing the crew and 2000 colonists they get hit by a solarflare and have to repair things. THats when they get a random signal in the middle of nowhere from a planet that just so happens to be perfectly habitable ( Which is SUPER rare) Now. Our lead female ( if you can call her that. I don't even remember her name. THats how little I care about her and anyone in it) makes the objection to our brainless captain that it would be INSANE to land on a planet we know NOTHING about with 2000 colonists, CHANGING the original plan. Scientifically we would all agree. Too many variables, unknown dangers, and when having that kind of crew its best to stick to the original plan which still works.
But nope. The new captain who takes over after James Franco dies within the first 5 minutes of the film. Yes. Not a single piece of dialog. He just dies. Gets burned to crisp inside his hibernation pod because malfunction. Such a waste and pointlessly so. Anyway. The new captain ignores the threat, the hazards, the risk and just goes from SCIENCE... to CHANCE. Yes. I am not kidding. Thats how this plot is built. Leap of faith... with over 2000 lives. Its so unbelievably mind numbing. And it only gets worse from there as many others have talked about.
I could talk about how Ridley Scott's seeming loss of talent and boozing has destroyed the xenomorph universe since this is canon. I WILL NEVER CONSIDER THIS CANON. EVER. But there it is. Xenomorph homeworld? RIP. ENgineers? RIP. Explanation to prometheus? RIP.
And you know where that could have been found? IN THE ORIGINAL SCRIPT. That was changed. Google that on youtube. You'll discover that this film could have tied in perfectly with Alien 1979. Instead of this.
No. Now we got David. We got a psychopathic, emotionally distraught robot obsessed with creating and the other human characters in the film are nothing but meant to die. No character progression, no heroes, no sensicality of behavior, no logic.
Does this film have anything good to offer? Yeah sure. Horror tropes. Blood. Gore. Decapitation. And the entire thing is shot in the dark 90 % of the time which makes it hard to see things but hey... Jump scare !
Because thats why we loved the original alien films right? ...
WRONG. But Ridley doesn't get that. He has lost it. His vision, ambition and understanding. So much so that he changed the entire bloody plot at the last minute, turning Alien Covenant into David COVENANT. With rash action, non-sensical horror and gore, hollow characters and unsatisfying progression from start to finish.
And thats not even a joke.
When Ludvig van Beethoven was almost completely deaf he created his Great Fuge. It was met with horrible reactions because it truly is terrible.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6s0Mp7LFI-k Listen to it as you continue to read, dear readers.
Years passed and criticism became more mixed up until the mid 1900's where after reading more into it, trying to view things from the perspective of a deaf genius making music some people began viewing this as an art piece. But fact is that if Beethoven could actually hear 200 years ago this Fuge was 99 % guaranteed to have NOT sounded this way. Proof being all his other work.
WHere am I going with this? I'm getting at the positive reviews of this film and films like it that turn original masterpieces into monstrosities yet new fans or uncaring moviegoers don't care about it at all. Rating this 10 stars or 9. Anything above 5 is an insult to the original films.
Ridley Scott gave us strong characters, bonding, insight and complexity to a script, characters, plot and further intrigue to the mystery of this franchise back then.
And he has now brutalized it like Beethoven did his legacy at the time with his Great Fuge. Because like George Lucas highlighted when talking about making more than 6 films. Sometimes one can go too far and destroy what one seeks to create.
David did not create life. He destroyed life with a weapon he made and was too delusional to comprehend it. Just like Ridley himself has now crushed the Alien Universe with this level of poor imagination and drunken execution of cinematography in hopes of something we will NEVER know just like we wont be able to comprehend what Beethoven was thinking as he made this chaotic Fuge.
Anyone can think what they've made is beautiful to overthinking it. Please don't overthink this film. Instead watch the originals and pay attention to how they were made compared to this.
David Covenant is a movie about a director who should have known better than to change things up completely and should have adheared to finishing off Prometheus more appropriately, sensically and respected the lore.
4 out of 10. Its annoying, contrived, non-sensical, lackluster, NOT horror,CGI packed jump scares without build up. Alien is cheap. Everyone is dumb and irritatingly.
Ridley. pass the reigns to Neill Bloomkamp. His alien film, bringing back Ripley, newt and Hicks sounds far more interesting.