it's got to be a joke on purpose being so bad.

Rating: 1/10 (28 May 2017)

from the beginning, i couldn't believe how much this film was begging for an MST3K treatment. by ten minutes in, i found that practically every line deserved to be made fun of. i started wincing when he told walter to "ambulate"--the only thing i thought of was mr. burn from "the simpsons"--and then it got even dumber.
why does a ship's computer tell a robot that runs around in it to come to the bridge and push a few buttons because it's time to deploy energy collecting sails? can't it just do that itself? then, we get to see some neat energy collecting sails deploy. wow. that was worth a buck.
then, it's like, horrible that one of the pods that contains sleeping people FALLS. like, that's the most awful thing that can happen. was that shot supposed to shock old ladies that are scared to get bumped as they fall down? there's a space hick/cowboy who's familiar with john denver. when this film screened in Texas, i'm sure they all screamed "yee-haw" and threw their cowboy hats in the air and started shooting the ceiling randomly.
i started wondering about how much time was left because i was already bored and felt like the film was a waste of time and WOW... it was nearly half-way through. that was around the 49 minute mark, when you finally see an alien. i figured i could stand around and get through it.
they really went insane trying to capitalize on the generic half-way mark and pivot/twist the plot HARD but um, it felt like one of those "star trek: the next generation" movies stuck on a boring planet where nothing happens and there's no reason to care.
this movie actually made alien 4 look good.
miserably bad. if it was a comic book, you'd still be disappointed at how vacuous and lame the story was, if it cost more than 50 cents. 25-50 cents? maybe. 75 cents and you'd feel ripped off.