Moronic and involuntarily funny

Rating: 1/10 (20 May 2017)

It is Z-quality filmmaking with a huge budget. Imagine if someone picked a talentless, autistic nerd, told him to write and direct a fan fiction film, and gave him a professional film crew to get it done. This is that film. It is so badly written that it boggles the mind. It doesn't care about the story, the characters, or even the action. It's as though it goes through the motions, hoping to get to the end as quickly as possible, while never stopping to pay attention to anything. It has no rhythm, no buildup of suspense, no memorable characters or scenes, and it leaves a strong impression of being made by people who really don't care about anything except getting the whole thing finished and shipped to the cinemas worldwide.
I guess I can give it one star instead of zero for comedic value: people repeatedly slipping on blood (absolutely hilarious), the dancing alien from Spaceballs, the 'put your head in the egg' moment (remember Blackadder and the Scotsman that puts his head in the cannon?), the whole talk about 'security protocols' while no one even wears a protection suit on an alien planet, the silly 'good vs. evil Data' thing that was done a lot better in a much cheaper Star Trek episode... The film sure made me laugh time and again.
Another funny thing is watching old Ridley give interviews while trying to stay awake or put together a coherent sentence. The man should have retired before he even made Prometheus.