What the Hell Have I Just Seen?

Rating: 4/10 (12 August 2017)

You know, this movie really makes you ask the difficult questions, like "What's the meaning of life?" and "Should humanity move over to make space for another dominant species?"...said nobody ever. Instead, it will leave you wondering "Why is everybody so freaking stupid?" and "What's up with that awkward flute scene?" and "Why don't I just go home?" It's definitely the weakest of all the Alien movies and the connection with Prometheus only makes a confusing franchise so much more mind-boggling. And not in the good way. It's trying so hard to be a meaningful, deep movie, that it turns into something so utterly full of itself it's almost unwatchable. Seriously, if this movie was a person, it would probably be just a slightly more condescending version of Jean Paul Sartre. And it's boring, too. However crappy Alien 3 was, it was still entertaining. You know, that kind of a film you know is wack but you'll watch it anyway. Don't watch this. Just don't. Go watch Life instead. You know, that one with Ryan Reynolds.