Jerks.

Rating: Null/10 (14 August 2004)

I don't care what you say, Alien vs. Predator kicked ass. It was everything anyone could have hoped for it to be and more. It reminds me of the good old days where you could make a nice action thriller without having to worry about things like "acting" or "character development." The aliens were just as kick-ass as they should have been and the predators just as pwnage. No subplots. No love interests. Just predators kicking alien ass, aliens kicking predator ass, and aliens and predators kicking human ass. Everything was just fine. I'm usually an anal retentive ass when it comes to franchises, but there was nothing in the movie that made me say "They should have done it that way" or "actually its supposed to be like whatever."
Now some may say that the movie was irritating because it was all dark and you couldn't see what was going on. Now I want you to go watch Alien again and realize that that's how the whole damn film was done. You don't really see anything till the very end. Also I don't see why everyone thinks the fight scenes were poorly coordinated. I thought they were just fine compared to those in a movie like Daredevil.
Finally, the subject of the PG-13 rating. Need I remind you that most of the other Alien and Predator movies were made in the 80's and early 90's, when it was much easier to get an R rating. These days it almost takes full frontal nudity to pull an R, and I'm sure we can all agree that that would have been totally uncalled-for in this movie. The other thing that made the others R was swearing, and I'm sure no one really cares if there were a few fewer 'fucks' and 'shits' in AvP.
I will conclude by saying there were a few things that could have been made better, just to be fair. The Italian guy did start to get on my nerves about half way through, especially since the actor couldn't settle on one accent. Also the setting in Antartica sort of tore down the premise that the Predators have a high heat threshold and normally hunt during heat waves, such as in the two Predator movies. Fortunately, they did have the one pred take a flamethrower without flinching, which made it better.
So, all in all (and yes, I realize is my third conclusion) AvP was good. The fight scenes were awesome. Aliens and Predators were always killed in cool ways, which is very important. The movie was not bogged down by subplots or character development, which isn't that important anyway. Who here can tell me all the names of the crew of the Sulaco? Or Dutch's commando team? So that's my spiel. If you didn't like the movie, go to hell.