Everything I Expaceted

Rating: Null/10 (12 August 2004)

**SPOILERS ABOUND** I'm a fan of fun movies that don't take themselves seriously... kinda like Freddy Vs. Jason, (Notice the similar naming scheme... coincidence...?) and this movie is right up my alley. The movie begins with what I mapped as about 40 minutes of confusingly obscure plot development which was violence-less and very alien-less. With each moment the movie progressed the viewer was able to accurately guess what the next ten minutes of the movie was about to reveal. A crack team of specialists formed by a super-powerful billionaire with adventurelust going straight to Antarctica. Nice. Sounds plausible to me. The movie sags on the scenes developing characters. Come on. Who's going to watch this kind of movie to care about a sassy black lady? Or an Enlgishman who has kids? Bring on the pain. After the overdeveloped plot made sufficient "sense" the writers were out of ideas, and BOY does it show. For better, or for worse. As usual, the aliens run amok. The THREE predators were quickly reduced to two after some tragic mishaps, (filmed in bullet-time, no less) and the humans provided the screams and filler gore. Soon after unraveling any mysteries left in the plot, (which of course is completely BULLET PROOF) the people's population is soon reduced to one. The sassy black lady. The true turning point of the movie was when the lady proved her worth by accidentally sticking an alien with the predator's spear. After that, the best scene is set up. The lady and predator become friends.
From then on, the theater had a steady stream of chuckles derived from the scenes of the lady and her new buddy chilling out, (but not literally even though it's set on the south pole...). I don't know if predators come with different personalities or what, but for some reason this guy really liked the black lady, (notice my use of the term... not that it has significance, just because I never really caught her name). Staying true to the plot of a Greek tragedy, the lady gains everything, and leaves with nothing. Her friend is killed by the alien queen, just after the queen is left to sink to a watery and disappointingly boring end. The predators leave, and the movie ends. The last scene alludes to a possible SEQUEL. Oooohhhh boy! My thoughts: If the tagline is "Whoever wins, we lose" how did we lose? Was having that pyramid destroyed really considered "losing?" Did that lady die out there in the harsh antarctic climate, or was she unaffected like every other person in the move, (no shivering or steam breath at all!)? Why did that great predator have to die? Overall: 1/10 for real cinema, but an 8/10 for entertainment/fun. If I could choose, I would see it again, but not after that.