Death would only be a solitude after this movie!!

Rating: 1/10 (31 March 2006)

When I first heard this film was about to be released I was excited, I thought at last we are going to see a truly worthy Vs Movie unlike that ultimate pile of steaming cow dung that is Freddy Vs crappy Jason. How wrong I was!! Not only does this movie suck but it manages to rape and pillage all my happy memories of the awesome first Predator movies and the first two Alien movies, its as if the director said "hmmmm, an excellent story of two great baddies, let me think of 10 possible ways that I could take a huge dump on this franchise" the 10 ways we shall get to later on.
So anyway back to me watching the film, I decided to queue up patiently waiting for my ticket, eventually after getting the ticket I found that not only was I cramped in the theatre but I was wedged between two enormously obese geeks that hadn't showered in more the 2 years and could not help taking about how awesome it would be to blow the predator... Yet this was nothing compared to the pain I was about to endure, they soon became a distant memory and from the onset and the premise of this film making the predators gods I knew this was going to possible be the worst day in my life... no wait, make that the history of mankind. It has no continuity what so ever with the either Aliens films or the predator films, the predators are toothless and the aliens seem to wonder about aimlessly looking stupid, where the hell where the marines anyway I mean don't you think mankind can be represented a bit better then some geriatrics and losers stuck in the middle of the Antarctic armed with pea shooters.
Here are the 10 reasons why this film sucked 10. Aliens are on earth, the whole idea of the aliens movies was to stop them spreading to earth! 9. The predators establish them selves as gods, enslave the people and have them prepared for sacrifice, yet I'm supposed to swallow that these are the good guys after all.
8. The films tries to establish that aliens created civilisations... News flash morons its old news get over it! 7. The predators look like a bad WWE superstar with a one-line gimmick 6. Use of the line (variation of) "one ugly motherfu*ker" I mean how many damn times already, only Arnie can do this 5. Shifting pyramid, erm hello primitive civilisation... now you geeks (presumably the ones in theatre) "are saying its predator technology" really, great way to ensure that humans never find out about the aliens under the Antarctic and what a way to ensure no body knows you was on earth in modern times by establishing technology beyond even our standards today.. Morons and lets no forget cryogenics and the furnace that seems to burn like forever I hate you! 4. W. S Anderson Period.
Now the top 3 reasons this sucked so hard it gave me a haemorrhoid 3. She ran around in a t-shirt in freezing temperatures.
2. It seemed as if the predator would bone her any second 1. I checked the timing of this too can you can too, the first predator died and the one to follow exactly 3 mins and 24 secs later... yes I subjected myself to that s*it heap merely for that stat Don't watch this film unless you 13 and clueless, I did and now I'm writing this to you from the comfort of my cell that has white padded walls.
Burning your eyes out with Sulphuric Acid is less painful than this