Vernita Green Kills Bill, er, Aliens

Rating: Null/10 (20 August 2004)

Completely entertaining in that Big Hollywood Summer Movie Shlockfest kind of way, Alien vs. Predator (or AVP as they packaged it for short-attention span Gen-Xers), has a sexy-but-tough black chick protagonist who gets blooded and bonds with the toughest of the crab-faced Predators as she fights for survival in the shifting labyrinth multi-cultural pyramid of doom under a half mile of ice where the Aliens have taken over and threaten mankind with .... blah blah, you get the picture.
What is truly entertaining is the unintended camp of this film.
At one point, after a lucky defensive spear thrust, AVP's version of Vernita Green earns the last Predator's respect and together they seek to destroy the aliens and escape from the Pyra-maze-complex ... you almost expect a scene of them relaxing and smoking cigarettes after sex it gets so preposterous.
The Matrix-Charlie's Angel slow-mo of a face-hugger flying across a room is moronic - some studio suit no doubt wrote the note for that one.
Our heroes outrun explosions and collapsing ice - after vanquishing an angry queen Alien, of course. One must simply laugh at the movie at this point.
If the makers of these films could just ground them a wee bit more in reality - like following the rules of physics for one - they would be so much more suspenseful - and better.
I sure hope the spoofs of this film pick up on the Vernita Green angle and blend in a Christie Love aspect too. I'd love to see a bell-bottomed, big-afroed sistah kicking ass with her man the Predator and then smoking after some serious inter-species lovemaking. Tarantino rips off black culture from the 70s, and so should the spoofers of AVP.