Bad, bad, bad, and more bad

Rating: Null/10 (12 September 2004)

SPOILER ALERT
(Not that there is much of a plot to be revealed...)
What better way to make a whole ton of money than to take two franchises that have completely worn out their entertainment value and combine them to form a completely unwatchable movie?
In Aliens vs. Predator, the writers, producers, and director have managed to make an action/adventure/sci-fi movie almost totally devoid of any redeeming qualities. The small in-jokes sprinkled throughout the movie are the only things worth watching and they amount to roughly twelve seconds of viewing time.
Mr. Weyland (a robotics expert whose middle name is Bishop - get it?) assembles a crack team of archaeologists, geologists, miners, and oh, blood thirsty mercenaries, to go after some Incan/Mayan/Cambodian temple buried in the Arctic ice so that he can leave something of importance behind - namely the knowledge that there is an ugly old building in some dark, cold cave.
Despite the fact that the filmmakers wasted twenty to thirty minutes of our time trying to give these idiots motivation and character, the protagonists are one dimensional props sent into an unbelievably contrived situation for the express purpose of getting caught in the middle of a cosmic car wreck and so you don't feel the least bit sorry when the crap hits the fan and they all start to get eaten. Of course, the interior of the Predator's house o' fun is so poorly lit that we don't even get the satisfaction of seeing these non-people getting obliterated.
Watching this movie and coming out disappointed is like taking a huge bite out of a turd sandwich and wondering why it didn't taste good.