Butchered.... *SPOILERS*

Rating: 1/10 (13 August 2004)

Yeah, so you think its going to be a bunch of predators and a bunch of aliens whoopin each others asses... well its not.... its 3 predators.... and you don't see them or the aliens until after the first hour of humans walking around this temple confused and lost with pointless dialogue and this "I'm going to touch stuff that I don't know what it does yet" frame of mind...
when the 3 predators finally show up.. your thinking YES... carnage is coming... the reason I came to see this movie.... well... I'm sorry... the first predator dies instantly to an alien... the 2nd puts about about a 20 second fight before dying to another alien... then after that awe inspiring 21 seconds of alien vs predator action, it goes back to the humans being lost and stupid again for an additional 20 minutes... then you are rewarded with another 20 seconds, where it shows the remaining predator kill an alien... but its not the uber fight you think its going to be... it takes all of .5 seconds for him to slice through the head with ninja like reflexes... im glad at least one of the predators wasn't a total weakling right????? RIGHT????
NO WAIT!! I know you didn't want one to be really powerful...so don't worry... the last surviving human, a lady that is way too gungho about being a guide in ice wasteland BEFRIENDS the last surviving predator... it would seem that predators are nice guys after all.... he cuts off an aliens head and tail and gives them to her... tail for a spear, and head to fit over her entire left arm for some sort of shield...... I'm GLAD THEIR F****** BLOOD Isn't ACID YOU F****** MORONS... Oh yeah... Did I mention the blood is only acid when they need to show how scary the aliens are... If your actually going to fight one you don't have to worry about it... Also, the aliens acid blood apparently has a different effect on different types of materials... for instance, when the predator gets hit with the acid, his body armor is instantly corroded... when the female star's sweater gets hit, its no big deal... soo mental note... wear cashmere when battling any aliens...
Anyway... You think once the human and the predator team up, and you think it couldn't possibly get any worse, you can FINALLY see some AVP action??? Well, no, sorry boys and girls... the predator just starts his little arm bomb and throws it on the ground and him and girl run to safety together... Wow, that was easy huh... Why bother spawning hundreds of aliens to battle if your entire crew is full of losers who can't fight, and your just going to nuke the entire site anyway... bleh...
but its not over yet! no!!!! they aren't butchering this movie bad enough.... they need to have this love scene between the predator and the girl?? WHAT IN GODS NAME? I fully expected them to light candles, put on some barry white, and start making out on the spot...*sigh* ...But thats not all! The queen alien shows up, after this huge atomic blast goes off ...
I'm glad that after setting off a blast of this size, at around 2000 feet below the ice... that this stupid queen alien thats for some reason 5x the size it was in aliens, can somehow survive when the entire area was vaporized, and climb up a 2000 foot vertical cliff... argh....
I can't tell you what happens after this... because I walked out at this point... Yes... I walked out of a FREE movie... It was the premiere... and I walked out of it... I wanted my free ticket back to go hopefully give myself enough paper cuts that I could commit suicide right there at the box office...