You want to like it, but you just can't

Rating: 10/10 (13 August 2004)

I just got back from seeing Alien versus Predator, and well, Paul Anderson screwed up yet another movie. Who in their write mind would allow this man to Direct, let alone write this thing? I love both of these franchises dearly, but that man ruined what could have been a sleeper hit. How? Let's review:
1) First off, the beginning. For the first half of the movie, the entire plot is just like Jurassic park (Potential Spoilers) A number of people, including a guide and archaeologists are summoned by a rich old man. They find a pyramid under the Antarctic and go on an expedition to find it. (End spoilers). This is literally the first half of this wretched movie. No Predators, no violence, no nudity, no cursing, nothing
2) The acting and script were absolutely horrible. Seriously, I think that one of the dudes who wrote one of the many comics/books involving predators, aliens or both should have written the script for this movie, instead of the worst director ever (Seriously, The Hulk, and the Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake were better than this). In my opinion, this movie lacked a serious writer, a writer who would have put some god damn action in the first half of the movie.
3) The violence and cursing were definitely off. Maybe it's me, but every single Alien and Predator movie featured serious cursing (Ugly mother f***er, sexual tyrannosaurus, and the classic joke about the girlfriend's pussy), and they never wussed out when someone got killed (They showed the black dude lose his arm, people getting headbitten and facehuggings and chest burstings). They wussed out this time. Seriously, whenever someone got killed, the camera panned away from the screen. Here is a short list I can think off (Spoilers) When that guy is killed by the predators (the other two walk past him), when that chick was chest bursted and face hugged, when that guy was killing the facehuggers/when he got killed by them, when the alien finally kills the fat predator (end spoilers) In short, this movie could have been the worst movie ever (which it is), but if it just had a good chunk of violence, then we would all be happy. Off screen killings and one f-bomb don't cut it, and that idiot director should have learned that by now.
4) The way it disrespects everything about both of these franchises. First off, if their are only 3 predators, it just doesn't feel right when one of them goes out like a punk. (Spoilers) Second, how come the coolest looking one also went put like a punk? And how come his blades/armor got melted by the acid? Another thing I didn't get was why the main predator didn't kill himself after getting faced hugged. (end Spoilers). Lastly (Spoilers) Why didn't the predalien come out earlier? It would have definitely improved the entire scope of the movie and it would have added something to the entire mythology surrounding the aliens/predators. Besides that, we could have gotten a really cool action figure (end Spoilers)
I really hoped I could have liked this movie (I really enjoyed Freddy versus Jason) but it just sucked like a bitch. Still it was decent in some places, but when any other director (including Micheal Bay and any half-way decent music video director) could have made a better movie than this one, we have a problem. this is a pale reflection of the classic movies in both franchises, and Paul Anderson should be ashamed of himself. It is a sad day when a movie you wanted to love is crappier than all of the recent George Lucas movies, The Hulk, Catwoman, and White chicks. still it was much better than anything created by Michael Moore, and the movies elephant and Chicago. So, in conclusion, Alien versus Predator is better than most of the movies that win Oscars or the Cannes film festival.