A Predator-Sized Disappointment

Rating: 2/10 (15 June 2007)

First, it started with a brief moment within "Predator 2" when the skulls of Aliens could be seen aboard the Predator ship. Then, it led to a very long chain of comic books that brought Sci-Fi Horror legends, "Predator" and "Aliens" against one another. Finally, you have . . . this movie, which isn't at all a good thing.
When "AVP: Aliens VS. Predator" was announced for the first time, fans all over the globe went NUTS! Seeing two of Sci-fi horror's titans collide in one movie that was constantly being told to be a future blockbuster hit. However, those fans were really cheering for the Second Coming of the Anti-Christ in the form of a movie.
The movie starts out simple. Weyland Industries discovers what appears to be an underground pyramid in the most unlikely of places: Antartica. In hope of gaining the discovery of the century, Mr. Weyland takes numerous explorers with him to the icy wasteland. When they arrive, they find a large hole that leads right to the pyramid, though it couldn't have been made by human hands and had to have been done overnight. Of course, the cliché "Excitement over Caution" kicks in and the explorers quickly drop the mystery of the hole and use to it their advantage.
While the humans explore the pyramid several miles under the ice, three teenage Predators, facing their "Becoming-a-Man" task, kill the humans up on the surface with relative ease, though later, their intelligence PLUMMETS! What do I mean by this? Well, you have the three Predators who are charged with facing and killing the Alien queen in order to return home a man, buuuuut the idiotic humans take their plasma weapons and leave them to fend off the Aliens with their blades. Of course, if it was the Predator for "Predator 1", it wouldn't need plasma weapons and use its blades to kick some Alien butt. It's the opposite here. Two of the Predators are quickly killed off, except for the last one, who seems to be something-of-an-expert since he is slicing and dicing Aliens back-and-forth with ease.
While these Predators are fighting for their lives in a battle that the very poorly-acted humans interfered in, the humans also get killed off fast, but it isn't done by the Predators. Though two people ARE killed by the ticked-off Predator, the humans, despite their 'high-tech' weaponry, are no match for normal drone Aliens and Face-Huggers, those little crab-like things that inject a human with Alien eggs. Finally, only one human is left, the protagonist, a woman named Alexa Woods.
Then, that's when the worst thing in the world happens. After Alexa surrenders the plasma cannon to the surviving Predator, he takes the weapon, clearly satisfied AND soon, they become FRIENDS and go off to kill the queen together. Every Predator fan, me included, knows that a REAL Predator would have said "Oh thanks. I was a little mad that you guys took my plasma cannon in the first place, but thanks for giving it." BAM! She gets blown away by the plasma cannon. Another thing that affects Predator standards is the fact that Predators wear the masks because they can't breathe our air very well and need the mask to provide the kind of oxygen (or whatever) that they need. Well, the director crumbled that up and threw it in the garbage and made it so that the surviving Predator REMOVES his mask personally TWICE. Once, was when he did it for no apparent reason and was ambushed by a Face-Hugger, and second, was when he wanted to go eye-to-eye with his human buddy. He roars in her face and the woman who was once horrified of this thing, just stares back with that kind of "I'm not afraid of you" look.
Same thing for the Aliens. It seems like whenever the Predator kills one, he cuts it in a certain way that makes it so that acid blood doesn't come out. Another thing the director screwed up on was when the queen, who is suppose to be the smartest of the Aliens and responsible to solely lay the Face-Hugger eggs, 'commands' her drones to destroy her restraints and then, breaks the egg sack on her and practically ditches the other Aliens to kill the Predator and human, which she somehow knows about, despite the fact that she was stuck in a icy metal chamber throughout most of the movie.
The movie tries to lead you off with slow-motion effects, lots of explosive debris during Alien Vs. Predator fights, and lots of screaming. But with horrible acting, a few very lousy special effects, and finally, a script that should be burned by Aliens and Predator fans, director Paul W.S. Anderson has found the formula of how to turn an easy-to-make blockbuster hit into an abomination that will go down in Sci-Fi history as the largest disappointment. Hey, at least Star Wars Episode 1: The Phantom Menace now has a roomie.