Another piece of royal Hollywood turd

Rating: 1/10 (4 October 2004)

OK, I have to say I was hanging for this movie initially. But as soon as I saw the trailer and read up on it a bit, I realize I was to be 'royally' shafted. And guess what?, a couple of hours ago I was! That's right I saw the movie called "Alien Vs. Predator"... or should I say "AVP", cause that's cool. Yeah AVP man!!!! (that's a "Standard issue abbreviation" pun for the fans of this movie)
Doesn't Mr. Paul "video game film" Anderson know that there is so many cheesy moments in this movie and in every other movie that I have seen by him? I wasn't aware that this Mr Anderson had done all those bad movies! Man, some directors just have bad luck huh?... or is that big pay cheques? I reckon Mr. Anderson, Mr. Bruckheimer and Mr Emmerich should do lunch; collaborate on this fantastic piece of s#!t idea and kill 3 birds with 1 stone so they don't all make separate movies, and threaten the intelligence of the next unsuspecting victim.
OK, that's enough of an intro... time to get serious and break this baby down!
Script:: what script? was there a script in the movie? is there going to be a sequel? it was meant to be a comedy yeah? I mean I was meant to laugh in sections, laughing so hard I was spilling popcorn all over myself and the unfortunate innocent bystander sitting to my right? I'm sure the suspense was meant to be like every other Hollywood movie I've seen?
The movie was meant to be hyped up like a serious battle but never delivers, as the Rated PG-13 wouldn't allow this film to get serious. Serious as in violence (not a blood splatter on the wall), real suspense (not a largely drawn out Hollywood 'standard') and real fighting (not distant shots of Alien and Predator play fighting and hitting each other with soft squeaking baseball bats).
I mean this was never meant to be a good movie, just a great marketing idea to make some serious bucks by exploiting this concept. Just like a heap of other comic to movie conversions have been so far. They are based on in depth, well respected (and well purchased) comics but none of them are masterpieces. $38 million earned in opening weekend for a $65 million budget... that's pretty good.
I wonder if it will have a sequel? I mean I'm not giving anything away with this movie, but doesn't a lot of Hollywood character based movies have that structure so they can milk the idea?
Ah the Hollywood engine is finely tuned here... well guys, you did a great job at sucking me in and delivering another 'clichéd' marketing plan. But all is not lost, it's still a great comedy that'll sit well in my collection... right next to "Airforce One", "ID4" and my Linkin Park CD single "In the End". Keep driving the bus but I'm gonna have to get off here. I'll catch the sequel via the DVD bus
rating: 2/10