A slap in the face to two brilliant franchises.

Rating: 2/10 (12 August 2004)

Let's get one thing straight: I've been a life-long fan of both franchises. The first two 'Alien' installments remain two of my all-time favorite films. They're what turned me onto the horror genre. Hell, I even dug 'Alien 3' and 'Resurrection'...warts n' all. And I worship and adore BOTH 'Predator' movies. I know these six films inside and out. I know the name of every single character. I can quote every line of dialogue.
I read all the 'AvP' comic books. I played all the 'AvP' video games. This was a match made in fanboy heaven...and I wanted to see a big-screen adaptation more than anything. I waited impatiently for over a decade...and it took Paul Anderson only 100 minutes to destroy everything.
This movie does not feel like an 'Alien' or 'Predator' film. It feels like 'Jurassic Park IV' with the title creatures in place of the dinosaurs.
The characters? Not a memorable one in the whole lot. Lex is one of the most generic and dull heroines to stumble through a feature film...and surprisingly, the supporting cast displays even less energy. Even Lance Henriksen - our one ray of sunshine - isn't in the film long.
There isn't a single good or fresh idea in the script. The whole pyramid/training-ground concept sounded good...until Anderson started crafting his own mythology around it. I won't spoil anything, but let's just say that it's stupid beyond words.
The fights between the beasts are so badly shot and edited, I didn't care for one solitary second. It didn't stir up one bit of emotion in my inner-fanboy. And the creatures look HORRIBLE. The Aliens seemed okay...but the Predators are absolutely wretched. They look like goofy WWF wrestlers and in no way resemble or act like what we saw in the other films. It's really hard not to chuckle whenever they appear on screen.
I won't even get into the continuity errors, and just plain bad ideas, that saturate this film. Let's just say, that it lived up to all my fears...and created some new ones.
Paul Anderson has not made a movie for the fans. He's taken a beloved franchise, stripped it of it's soul, and marketed it to 10-year-old boys. I've liked many of his films and I've been defending him for years. I was even excited when he was announced as director, while most people groaned. But all the naysayers were right.
Out of all my brutal movie disappointments, this easily ranks #1.