Empty Visual Mayhem

Rating: 2/10 (30 August 2004)

Even approaching the movie with the knowledge that it was not in the class of its predecessors and that it should be viewed in the category of 'guilty pleasure' did not make the experience enjoyable. The fun in the other films comes from the scares brought about by not really knowing what it is that the characters are up against. The thrills and scares unwound slowly and increased steadily after introducing us to interesting characters that lock the audience and our interest into the story. Visually, each film was very different, and even 'Alien: Resurrection' (which, until now, was considered the least significant in the 'Alien' series) had a unique cinematic texture to its appearance. The monsters in both series were creations that, once they stepped from the shadows, were frightening and awe-inspiring. Ridley Scott, Jim Cameron, David Fincher, Jean-Pierre Jeunet and John McTiernan are all genre-breaking directors in their own ways. They created challenging adventures of fear, not just monster movies. Under Anderson's control, 'Aliens Vs Predator' is just another splatter-fest.
Experts of various types are gathered by industrialist Charles Bishop Weyland (Lance Henriksen) when his satellites discover a huge Aztec-like pyramid under the ice of Antarctica. One of the experts is Alexa Woods (Sanaa Lathan), a world-class mountain climber. She will be leading the team through the descent. She also seems to have nearly omnipotent powers of exposition and becomes quite the speculative chatterbox whenever something needs to be explained to the audience. Barring the two archaeological characters, whose names I have already forgotten, the other characters are nearly indistinguishable.
The pyramid has been reactivated by a space ship of Predators, who blast a conveniently big hole right through 2000 feet of ice to the front stairs of the place. The humans climb down, set off a booby trap and get lost in the changing maze of the pyramid. The heat that attracted the human satellite was the thawing of the Alien queen that will lay eggs for a brood to impregnate the humans giving the Predators something deadly to hunt. Predator lore says that they only hunt honorably challenging prey, but they don't seem averse to slaughtering a few nearly-helpless humans on the way in, however. The Aliens grow and start killing everything that moves. The Predators show up and kill almost everything that moves. The humans, in dwindling numbers, run away from the monsters. The last survivors (And, no, it's not a real surprise who lives) make nice with the remaining Predator, and they run for the surface as a bomb goes off. There is a final showdown with the Alien queen, and then the Predators leave.
Admittedly, one does not see a movie with 'Vs' in the title and expect that character development will be given foremost consideration. However, character is barely considered to the point that it is almost incidental. The reason that Sigourney Weaver's Ripley was so memorable and enduring was that she never stood out in the first movie as the probable survivor. She exhibited differing levels of doubt, fear and outrage. Even in the sequels, she was the reluctant heroine who had as much chance of getting killed as any other character. Although Arnold Schwarzenegger's Major 'Dutch' Schaeffer was clearly the hero of 'Predator' from the get-go, the rest of his team was allowed to display individuality and personal value to the situation. Each time one fell to their invisible foe, it raised the stakes for the audience and for Arnold's character. Alexa is featured as the strongest character from her very introduction. While it is disturbing when others are dispatched, they are merely bait or cannon fodder whose demise only means that there are fewer players left in the game.
The effects are the only impressive thing here. However, everything else wastes the good visuals. The film is heavy on the expository shots lining up the layout of the pyramid. These Saturday-morning cartoon scene changes pull the audience out of the film each and every time. Anderson's biography on IMDb states that one of his trademarks is 'quick cut editing'. There are a great many quick cuts. There are so many that you can't make out most of the action. There is a flurry of activity in most battle scenes, a brutal final blow and one character or another is left standing. The story then moves to the next plot point.
When it isn't a snow job of strobe editing, it is setting up a 'money shot' of gore. Watch as the facehugger is shot in its sexual organ! See the acid devour someone's skin! Look at the blood drip off of the seemingly invisible blade! If Anderson had paid as much attention to the moments between characters, then these grotesque special effects would be moments of real horror. They are all as empty as Tupperware containers tossed back in the fridge after the leftovers have been served. Even the potentially interesting situation of a Predator becoming infected by an Alien is wasted on a cheap visual for a parting shot that is probably intended to imply a sequel. I wonder if even junior high school fanboys will find enough real fun in this movie to warrant a second chapter.
However, if you are still curious to see this movie, then go bearing a couple of things in mind. Don't ask why an archaeological expedition is armed like a platoon of marines. Don't ask why aliens grow at different rates in different people. Don't ask why an ancient temple buried under Antarctica, loaded with a bizarre combination of dead languages, bloodthirsty aliens and unearthly technological weapons needs to twist like the inside of a Rubix cube in order to be creepy. You are in the misguiding hands of Director Paul W. S. Anderson. Although he professes to be a fan of these horror franchises, he is certainly no fan of suspense or entertainment.
2 out of 10