almost a comedy... (at least to tonight's audience)

Rating: 5/10 (13 August 2004)

eh.
frankly, i wasn't too disappointed. i already had low expectations. being a fan of both series for a loooong time, this was a movie that i really looked forward to back then, when the Dark Horse series came out, and when i was in high school.
now, it's been several years later, in the post-Jason vs Freddy-era, where a movie can pit anyone vs. anyone. with a ton of various comic series about it, as well as various video games, it really doesn't seem like such a novel idea anymore. i also found out beforehand that the director is the Mortal Kombat, Resident Evil director. previews didn't look that great, and the ad campaign had that stupid line, "whoever wins, we lose.", with the alien and predator profiles facing each other, like for some Mike Tyson fight promotion. what ever happened to subtlety, like the original Aliens logo, where it was some simple, menacing looking type, with a black glowing background?
GOOD THINGS: anyways, (SPOILERS AHEAD) to make a long story short, i was happy to see it in the theatre. the creature fight scenes were definitely cool (when you could actually make out what was going on). I was impressed with the combined use of CGI and animatronics/puppetry (almost Stan Winston-grade).
also, it was cool being able to see the predator use all his cool weapons. i wish i had that suit.
that's about it.
BAD THINGS: story was pretty lame. my friend told me it followed one of the AVP Dark Horse comic stories; i think that is what happened. the movie was basically a "movie version" of one of the comics, instead of a movie of the Aliens or Predator series. thus, its story was very cartoonish, simplish, and devoid of any character development. now, i wasn't expecting Citizen Kane here, but the dialogue was so cheesy at times and so ridiculous, people were laughing out loud in the theatre. another problem i had was how the film HAD to show exactly how the predators used to rule earth, etc etc...what about just some subtlety, and mystery? does everything have to be explained 100% for everyone so explicitly?!
and where was the blood? now, i wasn't looking out specially for guts, but it was so frustrating never seeing anyone get ripped in half, Bishop-style!!!!
several notable moments:

the archeologist, within a few seconds, suddenly is able to fluently read the etchings and figure out exacty what the history was, blah blah blah. he also "suddenly" figures out, "oh, yeah, the giant Tetris blocks move every 10 minutes".

when the predator became all nice and made lex an honorory predator, with her own wittle alien shield and spear. awwwwww! they're so cute together! this is when the audience just started giggling. wtf!??!

the SLOW MOTION BAYWATCH RUNNING SCENE with predator and lex while the temple exploded behind them. come on. how could anyone not laugh at that moment. the audience was rolling on the floor at that point. what is this, some episode of Knight Rider?!

the denouement after the explosion, when the lex and predator got all intimate, looking into each other's eyes. predator-human love!!!! audience started making porno bass-line riff sounds here.

i'm sorry, i can't think anymore. it just pisses me off.

if i had expected more, i would have been sorely disappointed. overall it was a simple popcorn flick with action. it REALLY DOES NOT DO JUSTICE TO THE ALIENS OR PREDATOR FRANCHISES. it really should not even be considered part of those series. it should be considered a video-game-turned movie, and that's it.