An OK film if you want monsters punching each other, but if you want anything else then you'll be out of luck (SPOILERS - as if it matters)

Rating: Null/10 (2 November 2004)

When a satellite belonging to the Weyland Corporation picks up a heat trace on a remote island in the Antarctic, investigation reveals it to be some form of pyramid, hundreds of feet under the ice. Putting together a team to go under the ice, Weyland leads a group that includes an ice climber environmentalist, pyramid experts, people who date stuff, drillers and a couple of really big guys with guns. When they come to drill they discover a perfectly formed shaft at 30 degrees going down to the pyramid and take it down as the easy way. However reaching the bottom they quickly get separated by the shifting structure of the pyramid and it is all too late before they realize that they are not alone and may only be a side issue in a bigger story.
It is ironic that, in the year that marks the 50th anniversary of Godzilla, I found myself sitting in a multiplex watching two men in monster suits punching each other. The acting may be (marginally) better and the effects cost more but that it basically what this film comes down to, and to enjoy this film it is important you get your head around that as quickly as possible. If you come here expecting plot, acting, scares or quality then you are maybe best to just go somewhere else. But if all you want is two men going 'BOSH' and 'BANG' while wearing monster suits then you've pretty much hit the motherload with AvP. This is not to say that it is any good whatsoever because it really isn't, but if all you want is very basic action then you'll find it passing the time (albeit only a very short 80 minutes). I didn't hate it  and that's about as good as I can say about it.
The actual action has no real scares or jumps to it and fails to have anything approaching a palatable tension. The effects are pretty good and some of the fights are alright despite the editor cutting them so quickly that it is hard to really see what is going on. Outside of the spectacle of the film there is really not a great deal else worth turning up for. The plot is delivered by characters who seem to be able to work out what is going on very easily so that they can tell us  if it was me I'd be running shouting 'WTF' but these guys take the time to explain to one another the story. This is clunky and about as annoying as it sounds and it creates a second problem  characterisation. The problem is that there is none. The characters are mainly killed off very quickly and we never really care about them because to us, like to the aliens and predators, they are only incidentals to the main event. Certainly the character of Woods seems to have been intended as a Ripley stand in but having her in a sort of 'mismatched buddy' movie with the Predator failed to get me interested and instead had me trying not to laugh at the whole idea! I must give credit to the writers for at least coming up with a vaguely good concept to make this film happen but beyond this premise the plot is no good at all and the script feels like it was written by someone who had never written a script before  it was a serviceable script but not a convincing one.
The cast pretty much know that they are meat and many of them can barely make an impact. The casting is quite interesting because there are only one or two instantly recognisable stars but the majority of them are 'where have I seen him before' faces  eg the guy from James Bond, the guy from Braveheart etc. Lathan tries to be Ripley but fails; the only praise I can give her is she managed to keep a straight face no matter how stupid her scenes were. Bova is OK and is good looking but again has nothing to do. The last time I saw Bremner was a few weeks ago in a short about ME  in fairness maybe stuff like this pays his rent and allows him to do more interesting work but he can certainly do better than this. The rest of the cast are pretty much fodder that last 20 minutes if that, but special bile is reserved for Henriksen who really should have known better. The film didn't need him to tie into the Alien series and, for all he does, he really shouldn't have bothered  he did have some good stuff in other alien films but this was too much. The Predator is OK but has lost the vicious edge that made him compelling in the first film, but the Alien at least is a menacing character (well, apart from the silly lumbering featured in the final scenes).
Overall this was not terrible, it was just not any good. Men dressed in suits throw each other around and CGI effects gallop up walls in the dark while things go bang. If that is all you want then this film just about manages to deliver that in a very basic fashion. But if you are looking for plot, dialogue, characters, genuine excitement or tension then you might as well just p1ss off home now because there ain't none of that here for you! How cheering it is though, to see that 50 years after Japan started the ball rolling, Hollywood is keeping up tradition of poor movies based solely on the idea of two men in rubber suits throwing each other around a set. And they say there are no original ideas left...