Decent middle section in an otherwise messy smack-down

Rating: 6/10 (27 January 2008)

After loads of comic-books and video-games, it was only a matter of time before Alien vs. Predator made it to the big screen. Of course, the task was always going to be risky, given Predator 2 was largely ignored during its original release and Alien: Resurrection is unanimously despised by all fans of the face-hugging monster. That Sigourney Weaver and, allegedly, Ridley Scott condemned the operation before filming had even begun made things worse, as did the news that the movie would be written and directed by Paul W.S. Anderson, a competent visualist but a terrible screenwriter (as the Resident Evils testify). In the end, what emerged is neither the complete disaster expected by sceptics nor the great action/horror movie AVP devotees were hoping for: it is a film that, despite having some good set-pieces, leaves the viewer with the impression that the magic of both franchises' early years is largely missing.
To be fair, Anderson does try to come up with a decent excuse for pairing sci-fi's most popular mass-murdering extra-terrestrials. In fact, the idea itself is not that bad: expanding on some loose threads from the original films, the story sees Predators as creatures who have been visiting Earth for thousands of years. Apparently, it is they who taught us how to build pyramids, in exchange for a few humans to sacrifice: every five centuries or so, they would serve as hosts for Alien eggs, which would later spawn grown-up victims for the Predator's rite of passage. One of the locations for these rites is a pyramid in Antarctica, and a mysterious heat wave originating from it has attracted a group of scientists led by Charles Bishop Weyland (Lance Henriksen), co-founder of the Company seen in the Alien franchise. Naturally, there is no time to say "Something's wrong!" before the major bloodbath begins.
Actually, there is very little blood in the movie: whereas all other entries in both franchises were proud to boast an R-rating that enabled them to do almost anything (Predators skinning their victims, for example), AVP suffers from a PG-13 which was imposed by the studio for commercial reasons and seriously dampens the fun: sure, the two monsters kicking the crap out of each other are fun to watch, but where is the brutality both species crave and deserve? Even worse than the lack of explicit violence is the character development: James Cameron's Aliens is justly famous for how the director carefully crafted each of the human players and made Ellen Ripley more than just another scream queen (hell, how many science-fiction flicks can brag about receiving an Oscar nomination for the female protagonist?); this movie's heroine, played by Sanaa Lathan, is likable but nothing else, and the rest of the cast, mostly comprised of nobodys (apart from Ewen Bremner), is just a bunch of expendable idiots. The biggest disappointment is Henriksen: chosen deliberately to remind viewers of his role(s) in Aliens and Alien 3 (Charles Bishop is the man on whom the androids were based), he has absolutely nothing to do but stare at random and look concerned. Even a gratuitous reference to the knife scene in Cameron's film fails to give the slightest thrill.
On the flip-side, AVP is a good-looking picture - not as gorgeous as Ridley Scott's work, but fluid and slick enough to ensure boredom rarely kicks in. The highlight is a flashback showing how the battle began, but such scenes occur far too seldom to make this an above-average experience.
"Whoever wins, we lose" said the tag-line. After seeing the movie, it's more like "Whoever wins, we don't care".
5,5/10