20th Century Fox's "We'll let anyone direct a feature" program

Rating: Null/10 (14 August 2004)

I'd like to personally take this opportunity to congratulate 20th Century Fox for their "We'll let anyone direct a feature" program, as well as congratulate Paul W.S. Anderson for participating! I really hope someone can get me an application before the end of this year so I can apply, because when you see a studio and a director set the bar this low, how the hell can you fail?
I can't believe 20th Century Fox spent over $70 million on a film that effectively destroys two of the greatest monsters ever to grace the silver screen. What's worse, I can't believe I spent $10 to see it in the theater on opening night. If you're looking for a movie in which the Predators (which look like they're suffering from Down syndrome thanks to the special effects team under Paul W.S. Anderson's guidance) battle the worst CGI aliens ever conceived on film...then this movie is for you.
It's pretty obvious that neither Paul W.S. Anderson nor any of the studio executives involved in the making of this film have a handle on story in this laughable movie (and I'm not kidding...during the screening, the audience broke out in unintentional laughter several times over the stupidity of the plot). The movie starts off with great possibilities. Lance Hendrickson is fantastic in his short-lived role as the dying leader of an expedition that finds an ancient pyramid buried under the ice. And the elimination of the investigating team by aliens and predators, as well as some of the battles that follow, is fantastic.
But the movie quickly takes a turn for the worsea common ailment in all of Anderson's films.
When the surviving teenage Predator and the movie's only remaining human character (our heroine), played by Sanaa Lathan, become "friends" and he fashions a warrior's outfit out of the hide of a dead alien for our hero, the movie was over for everyone in the theater.
Speaking of whichdo you remember the original Predator? Do you remember how big the predator was when it was battling Arnold Schwarzeneger? Well, evidently these predators are suffering from some alien form of stunted growth or Sanna Lathan is a giant of a woman. In the final scenes where Sanaa runs side-by-side with a predator, she is about the same size as the mighty hunter.
The film is filled with ridiculous moments and some of the worst cliché dialogue ever uttered. 20th Century Fox should be firing executives over this.
Alien Vs. Predator. "Whoever wins, we lose." Just a clever tag line? Make no mistake...it's the newest studio gimmick: truthful advertising! This is one to be avoided. It's the closest I've ever seen a film come to duplicating the smell of a drunk passing gas.