Weak, weak, incredibly weak.

Rating: 5/10 (23 October 2004)

In fact AVP is weaker than a 10x recycled tea bag. You get my point...it's a very weak film. What else could be expected from Paul 'It's not my fault' Anderson? A man who is forever blaming studio interference for the poor quality of his films. What on earth Fox, Walter Hill and John Davis were thinking in hiring this hack I'm not sure I want to know. Trust me, no matter how naive and simple your film-going pleasures are, you will walk away from AVP forever jaded and cynical.
Both franchises are best examples of their genre.
Alien-Utterly faultless Aliens-Breathtaking hardcore sci-fi action Predator-Just so brilliant words fail to describe it Predator 2-Underrated sequel that plays like a story taken directly from a 1950 Tales from the Crypt comic-book. Alien 3-Notorious failure but far superior to AVP. Alien Resurrection-Very strange but intriguing weirdo sequel with some wonderfully unique touches.
And now...
AVP: Alien vs Predator-Watered down, childish, repetitive, boring, completely flat, soulless and castrated.
Paul Anderson simply has no idea where the heart of either franchises is. He directs the film with arrogance and over-confidence. Undeniable proof of this is obvious in the scene where Sebastian says 'It's all beginning to make sense now.'
I'm sorry, the sense must have been lost and me and the rest of the audience.
Having seen AVP in the cinema twice now I must stress to you that the film does NOT hold up in repeat viewings. After being surprised at how 'not too bad' it was the first time, the rotten dialogue, endless exposition, slow set-up and lack of actual Alien vs Predator fighting damn this film to hell. Much like the main faults of last years Freddy vs Jason, though at least that film was a hard R-rated movie and not a kids movie.
For a crossover franchise that has existed for over 14 years throughout many different forms of media, the AVP movie should have been an epic directed by someone with talent. Instead Anderson craps all over the source material and directs the worst film of his toilet dwelling career. AVP plays like a bunch of cut-scenes from the video games and totally devoid of any originality. In one particular scene he blatantly and obviously rips off a narrative from HP Lovecrafts At The Mountains Of Madness. The nerve!
There are plot holes all over the place and massive gaps in logic. Like why does the acid blood conveniently only corrode weapons the Predator doesn't really need? And why oh why do they hunt in Antartica? The are drawn to earth areas of heat and conflict.
Just as horror movies are desperate to come up with new, better reasons to make the use of cell phones not available to the dying one-by-one characters, AVP uses the most asinine reason to isolate the cast so no one can help.
Get your head around this monstrosity...the Predators hunt Aliens in a pyramid 2000 feet below the ice on a remote island in Antartica.
WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Of course they do. And the next Robocop movie is set in a volcano below Vietnam. Honestly, it is the most ridiculous story ever concocted. How dare they release this gibberish upon an audience who, for a long time, deserve better.
Despite the utterly moronic plot and pathetic characters, the film does do a decent job of tying both creatures together. Such as the Predator's fondness for triangles and multiples of ten. The Weyland-Yutani corporation's initial interest in the species. And the presence of Lance Henrikson, as Bishop's creator and the only cast member with credibility.
The Predators get very little screen time (much of the film's meagre 101 minute running time-14 minutes of credits-is devoted to wandering around dark corridors...how astonishingly new) and when they do show up they are total wimps. Though the main one is a bit harder, he's a bit too humanized at the end. His facial expressions are very, very cool however.
One cannot help how much better this film could have been. Even with the awful Anderson at the helm, if Alan Silvestri's scores and themes from the Predator movies had been kept then the tame action scenes would have soared. As it is, Harald Kloser's score to the movie is generic and unengaging. Yet another missed opportunity.
The ending hints at a sequel. If it's anything like this count me out.