Ahh, it could have been so good

Rating: 6/10 (24 July 2014)

The 'Aliens versus Predator' storyline has been with us ever since the 'Predator 2' when Danny Glover huffed and puffed his way across what looked like an alien's skull in the Predator's trophy cabinet. This brief image sparked a storm among fans, whose dreams and wishes were subsequently realised by volumes of comics and graphic novels regarding the subject matter. And they were actually pretty good! Having read a fair few of them, it seemed no end to the possibilities of pitting two of the big screen's most famous monsters against each other. With so many ideas as to what could be done, how could they possibly lose?
The answer: they gave it to Paul W S Anderson. Now, Paul W S Anderson is a very competent director who can stylishly bring action scenes to life. However, his films' major flaws all are that they're 'almost great.' They're not bad. They're watchable. And that is their major crime. They leave you thinking that if you were given $60 million to make a film (in this case one starring the aliens and the Predator) then you could do better than him. And there's a reason for this - you could. And so could I.
Aliens vs Predator sports the tagline 'Whoever wins - we lose.' Isn't that the truth? The film gets its rating taken down from an 18 to a watery 12A, removing all gore and much of the suspense with it. Instead of brutal tough Predators we have a trio of young, inexperienced ones who are - quite frankly - a bit rubbish at killing aliens. Instead of the gun-totting Colonial Marines from Aliens, we have a team of bland, disposable scientists who are there simply to increase the body count. At least the aliens perform on camera, but the battles you may expect between the two races are few and far between. Also, if you saw the trailer and witnessed a million aliens tearing towards some Predators on top of an weird and wonderful pyramid, that's only a flashback. That's about the best bit of the film.
It sort of tries to tie into both the 'Aliens' and 'Predator' mythology, but fans really don't want it to. Like I say, it's not bad. I know I'm making it sound terrible, but it really isn't. It has action, special effects and, um, that's about it. It's perfect for your average sci-fi monster-munching movie. However, when you have either an Aliens film or a Predator film, people expect a little more than something that's 'just okay.'
At least it was more understandable than Prometheus I suppose.
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