pallid, unnecessary sequel to two series

Rating: 4/10 (20 September 2005)

"Alien vs. Predator" brings together the two most popular sci-fi monsters from the 1980's to duke it out in a winner-take-all battle. The question is: does anyone care? The tale begins when scientists discover an ancient pyramid mysteriously buried deep beneath the frozen surface of Antarctica. In no time, a team of explorers and archaeologists is dispatched to the site to investigate the puzzling phenomenon. While there, they discover that this is no ordinary ruin, but a temple established long ago by outer space aliens who have made their presence known in order to lure fresh human sacrifices into their trap.
With a premise that feels an awful lot like a warmed over version of "The Thing," "Alien vs. Predator" spends virtually no time on character development and, instead, heads straight to the action - not an unusual course of events in a film of this kind, until one realizes that what distinguished both the original "Alien" and the original "Predator" from the typical action flick was having charismatic performers in the lead roles (Sigourney Weaver and Arnold Schwarzenegger, respectively). In contrast, Alexa Woods makes for a pretty wan heroine and the supporting players are not much better. And although this film predictably registers high on the goop meter, there isn't much inspiration to be derived - even for die-hard action fans - from what is, essentially, two CGI effects going at one another for nigh unto two hours. The sad truth is that the fight scenes quickly become monotonous and boring seeing as there is nobody on screen whose fate we really care about.
About the only real surprise in this film is that the obligatory "fake scare" scene, usually given to a cat to deliver, is here performed by a penguin.