If Lewis Carrol were alive, I believe it would be at this time that he would commit suicide.

Rating: 1/10 (5 March 2010)

Imagine having no hope for something and it still managing to let you down. It began with a pleasant waltz through a fairytale, as depicted in Disney's rendition of the brilliant satire-laden wonderment: Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, by Lewis Carrol. It has turned into another epic movie, simply seeking to reach into your pockets, and, with what nostalgia is left since your own childhood, throw the last of your hard earned money at an utter failure in script and creativity, at something that looked as though it couldn't possibly fail this hard (with names such as "Tim Burton" and "Johnny Depp". Let us understand a few things here:
-There appears to be no logic process by which the stretching and un-stretching of her attire takes place. It seems that it is simply an idiotic method of plugging fashion.
-The CG characters are the most unmemorable since "9" and have about 0 (zero) effect on the story, other than of course, the cat who decides to ruin the only decent possibility of plot in the entire movie.
-Alice causes the majority of conflict (the scratch on her arm) by denying medical attention from the Cheshire Cat for no apparent reason other than her idiocy.
-The Cheshire Cat ends up being the essential downfall, in my opinion, of the plot, wherein I did indeed sigh loudly and wish that I were anywhere other than in the theater; the cat was used by Burton as a Deus ex Machina in order to save (essentially a plot element that discredits any writer by introducing an exceptionally easy solution to a seemingly impossible problem, with no given expectation that the aforementioned element had such abilities) the character of the Mad Hatter, which is so inconceivably pointless.
-For some reason, this attractive girl seems to show some sort of affection towards the Mad Hatter, and he, in turn does the same, which offers up an awkward feeling as this (elderly? I guess that was what they were inferring by the bags under his eyes) Mad Hatter, with his crooked, altogether oddly shaped eyes, hits on our heroine, the perpetually dumbfounded Alice.
-One more easily predictable movie, no depth whatsoever; seriously, no thought necessary once you enter into the theater. The humor is sub-par: half the audience chuckled about 3 times during the film. I do believe there was more laughing during the preview of "The Karate Kid" than during the actual movie.
-Expect to hear Alice claim that she's in a dream for the majority of the movie, then change her mind until she becomes so confused that smoke literally pours out of her ears.
To sum up what you should know before the movie, this movie is utterly useless. The script is nonsense in a way that defies nonsense. Bland characters, with an all-too-common Johnny Depp running around as though he's just woken up from a hangover and mainlined dope into his eyeball. This is Hollywood pumping movies out that it knows will make a couple of bucks. For the love of whatever invisible man you believe in, do not see it.
Here are a couple of questions to ask yourself after the movie has ended, because maybe, just maybe, you didn't believe how horrendous it could be.
1. WHY does the Mad Hatter slip in and out of a Scottish accent? 2. WHO honestly expected her to become a sailor at the end of this movie? I MEAN WHAT THE ****? REAL GREAT SURPRISE HUH? 3. IF they could change their sizes using this potion, why do the inhabitants not simply make themselves (or Alice) really big and have her just stomp out the Jabberretard? 4. WHY, just WHY does the White Queen have to, at all times, have her hands up in some stupid position? 5. DON'T you wish you had read a review before going?
Far more preferential to myself and several of my peers was the plot of American McGee's Alice, which was a severely macabre twist on the wonderland we once knew; also, the writers of Alice knew that in order to keep someone interested there has to be a storyline that involved a climax, or maybe, hold on to your hats folks, a surprise.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0466663/