Bland, pointless rehash

Rating: 4/10 (12 June 2011)

A flat, tired film that takes it source material, strips it of all its mystery, wit, weirdness, and dream logic, and recasts it as a formulaic, paint-by-numbers generic fantasy-adventure movie. Read the book and see if you can imagine any of those characters doing anything that happens in this movie. These formerly unpredictable characters are reduced to stereotypes with an occasional nod to whimsy thrown in.
I certainly understand Alice's conviction that Wonderland isn't a real place, given the flashy yet insubstantial CGI nature of the environment and almost everyone in it.
Surely the fate of Wonderland should not hinge on anything as uninspired as an armored Alice getting into a sword fight with a CGI dragon.
Forthcoming literary adaptations by Tim Burton:
Moby Dick: A quirky but two-fisted sea captain (Johnny Depp) pursues a monstrous white whale through a number of huge CGI set pieces.
The Metamorphosis: A quirky weirdo (Johnny Depp) is transformed into a giant cockroach for a battle against the evil Queen Verminia, (Helena Bonham Carter) for the rule of the Arthropod Empire.
Ulysses: Confused Irish weirdo (Johnny Depp) falls into a boat while cooking breakfast, resulting in a wild romp through Greek mythology, including meetings with the witch Calypso (Helena Bonham Carter) and the grotesque Cyclops (Johnny Depp).