waste of attention

Rating: 1/10 (7 March 2010)

Some movies, you know from the first scene that you are going to be sucked into a loveletter, charmed and delighted, immersed in wonder. I wish I had gone to one of those instead. Not once the entire movie did I have the slightest suspension of disbelief, not once did I invest a drop of emotion or anticipation. The CG was some of the worst I've seen, really inexcusable; really, EVERY single item looked fake. The Tweedledoofs were smudgy, all the rock textures were so obviously synthetic, everything was just plastic looking. And my favorite bone to pick, just the simple physical motion was ridiculous. When that big shaggy sharkdog was running, it was so blatantly animation. Even Depp's little (why? why???!!) break dancing bit was just such a weak effort. And the..."performances"? Every single character was as flat as a card, especially the dishwater-banal utterly charisma-free lead. And who was young Alice, some producer's daughter? She looked like she couldn't keep from giggling, like she was the guest of honor at a hugely expensive party or something, which she probably was. And why would anyone cast Anne Hathaway in anything, ever? I find her so unwatchable. And why was Crispin Glover in this, except so somebody could go oh wow, it's that weird guy? Danny Elfman needs to take a break from grinding out his stale goading and reconnect with his weirdo roots; he has become the exact opposite of what he once was. Why oh why, Hollywood? Is there anyone there who really loves movies? I thought Tim Burton was one of them, but this is just him licking a mirror.