Less enjoyable than surgery.

Rating: 1/10 (12 March 2010)

The Good: It did not give me cancer.
The Bad: Alice in Wonderland is a treasure of classic literature, and classic Disney. Well it was. That all changed with the latest abortion by Tim Burton. AIW was easily, the lamest, contrived, nonsensical piece of crap that has ever made me want to gouge my eyes out whilst watching it. And I use the above terms of nonsensical and lame, in the most disrespectful ways possible.
Gone was the innocence, whimsy, curiosity, and dare I say magic, of the novel and the Disney animated classic. In its place, a wooden, funny looking actress whose range of emotions went from "oh, a fly just landed on my plate" to "oh, a dog. and it's brown." Those last two situations didn't actually occur, however, they may have been more interesting than what had.
I am literally shocked. How one could take a piece of literature (and film, in numerous outings) and turn it to "that", is beyond my level of comprehension. This proves to me beyond a shadow of a doubt that Tim Burton can no longer be regarded as a genius, or even a competent storyteller. He has become a quirky nightmare with a lot of money and fantastic art director. To boot, Johnny Depp has become an unwatchable characterization of himself, a bad parody, that seriously needs to stop, and much like the director, needs to get back the formula of Ed Wood and Edward Scissorhands.
I'm blown away by how poor this film was. I went in with zero expectations, and it surpassed them in a negative sense. In a rating of 1 to 10, I give this film a burial at sea, so no one can urinate on it any more than Tim Burton already has. Oh, and Avril Lavine does the end music. She is to art what small pox is to life.
Let me add, I get it. It was supposed to be a follow up, or sequel, or something along those lines. Something of an homage piece if you will. This was not executed. In the least. The dialog was barely audible and both mixed and pronounced to the poorest degree. The plot was quick, the inside jokes quicker and hackney, the plot spoon fed and completely forced. This film disgusts me. It's everything wrong with modern Hollywood cinema directed at a younger generation, and even to my own. Once again, a treasured tale from youth and fond cinematic memory now has an blemish, thanks to this. Tim Burton needs to stop adapting loved literature. Like, now.
The Ugly: I sort of wish it gave me cancer so if (and when) they do make a (gasp)sequel, I'd be dead long before the trailer came out. Or would at least have bigger problems on my hands.