Meeza in Punderland writes about the awful "Alice in Wonderland"

Rating: 6/10 (6 March 2010)

Director Tim Burton's long-awaited film adaptation of "Alice in Wonderland" is finally here! And ouch! What a disappointment! Unfortunately, Alice is malice in boringland. We all know the trippy story of "Alice in Wonderland" so I will devoid this review the Wonderland narrative (Google: "Lewis Carroll book" in case you want to be reminded of it). The visually stunning and conceptually enthralling movie somehow had too much pot I mean plot to give me a cinematic high. Burton inserted way too many pseudo-eccentric characters in the flick for one to really get absorbed in their wonderland. I wonder why? Let's just say the movie's Cheshire Cat, Dormouse, March Hare, Blue Caterpillar, Bayard, White Rabbit (didn't I go there a couple of years ago for my bachelor party), and Tweedledee & Tweedledum (contrary to popular belief, not played by George Bush & Dick Cheney) did not do it for me. But the character I wanted to white out the most from the screen was the lackluster White Queen; probably had something to do with Anne Hathaway's asinine performance as the pale one. No, I am not going mad- I have not forgotten The Mad Hatter! My jury is still out on The Mad Hatter but let's just say I was expecting more of a charismatic Hatter character from the eccentric thespian maestro Johnny Depp. Mr. Hatter was captivating at first but after a while Depp's "more of the same" performance became more of a persistent hat trick that did not achieve its gravitating goal. I must say that the villainous bigheaded Red Queen was my favorite character in the movie due to her grandiose livid reactions expressed in that petite frame, priceless! Helena Bonham Carter's performance as the Red Queen might just get her a red carpet trip as a Best Supporting Actress Oscar nominee at next year's Oscars. OK, maybe not, but Bighead Red did red-rock. Oh, and there is that Alice chic. Mia Wasikowska's starring performance as Alice was as lifeless as acting could be. Her sterile & immobile characterization of Alice made one wish that Alice would shoot down a few shots of Tequila & some Red Bulls in Boogie Wonderland in order to enliven her up! I wonder what hypnotic drugs Linda Woolverton was taking (or for that matter not taking) when she scribed up the unnecessarily-complex adapted screenplay based on a children's tale that is "Alice in Wonderland". The Art Direction, Cinematography, and Visual Effects of the movie were its strong suits, and do merit high praise. But that is not enough to give "Alice in Wonderland" a storybook-ending favorable review. ** Needs Improvement