"Grown Up Alice Returns To Underland"

Rating: 1/10 (23 March 2014)

So let me get this straight. In Alice in Wonderland, the story based on the Lewis Carroll novel, Alice is not a girl, she's a woman, she's not in Wonderland, she's returning to Wonderland, and Wonderland itself, in fact, isn't Wonderland at all, it's called "Underland". UNDERLAND?!? UNDERLA--?! That sounds like a made up world in a Fruit of the Loom commercial! I'm sorry. How the flying f*ck am I supposed to take an adaptation seriously when you can't even get one word, ONE F*CKING WORD OF THE GODDAMN TITLE RIGHT?! I'm gonna say it. CARE BEARS IN WONDERLAND IS A BETTER ADAPTATION THAN THIS! (audience boos) Yeah, come on! I said it! I said it! Who wants some?! Come on! Come on! Apart from at least giving us what the f*cking title promises, Care Bears in Wonderland, and not Underland, is still mad nonsense where everything is backwards! The villain of the movie wants to bring sense and order to it; that would be a legitimate threat to their world, so the fear in the movie is 100% justified! Here, the queen is just a jerk, but as long as she's as crazy as the rest of them, which she supposedly is, Wonderland- Oh, I'm sorry- Underland shouldn't care! Because, unless you missed what was constantly hammered in, both the story, the book, every interpretation ever made, THEY'RE MAD! THEY'RE ALL F*CKING MAD! So what should they care about any of this crap? And don't get me wrong. Care Bears is an awful movie. It's really bad. They do some stupid s*it, like making the queen nice, a whole bunch of other...crap, but in terms of which one is closer to the spirit of what Alice in Wonderland is? I'm sorry, the Care Bears got closer! They embraced the insanity of Wonderland! This one is ashamed to even be called Wonderland! F*ck! That! S*it!