AWFUL

Rating: 2/10 (28 November 2004)

Here are fifteen things I hated about this movie:
1. The characters are supposed to be Greek, yet most of them have very noticeable Irish accents. In fact, one guy even says, "Arse," when referring to "ass."
2. Alexander's mother has a bad Russian/Transylvanian accent.
3. Angelina Jolie is not even a year older than Colin Farrell in real life, yet she plays his mother.
4. The "gay" men in the movie wear more eyeliner than hookers.
5. Colin Farrell has blond hair in the movie, yet his roots are brown, along with his eyebrows. Did Revlon exist in those days?
6. An eagle is inserted or referenced to for really no apparent reason.
7. The set looks more like Caesar's Palace in Vegas, or the cheap gold look that fills a Trump building, than a real "empire."
8. The speeches before the battles will make you want to kill yourself rather than die from boredom.
9. Jared Leto looks eerily like Jennifer Connelly.
10. Val Kilmer's eye looks like the makeup job a kid would do on himself for Halloween -- that, in itself, makes it scary.
11. The sex scene -- why are Colin and Rosario hissing and growling at each other like a couple of rabid dogs in heat?
12. Rosario's accent -- "You...lav heem." Why?
13. Why do they portray Rosario's character (Roxane) having the comprehension skills of a 3 year old --
Alexander: "We'll talk about this later."
ROXANE: "Later. Talk."
14. There's not one real Greek person in the movie!
15. It's 3 very long, very painful hours in which you simply want to kill Alexander yourself, just so it will end.
Here is one thing I liked about this movie:
1. It finally ended.
So, the only way I could recommend this film is if you have three hours to kill and are somewhat masochistic. Otherwise, don't do this to yourself. If you really must see cute men in short skirts engaging in homoerotic behavior, see "Troy" instead.