Awful Movie (Might Spoil Something)

Rating: 1/10 (7 September 2005)

My friends tell me I have a too pessimistic view of the world and overuse the word "awful." Well, they tend to be right, but there is no reason to be coy with this movie. It's awful. The worst part is that someone obviously paid a lot of money to have this movie made.
First of all, let's start with the one thing that is front and center in this movie... Alexander was gay. It seemed to be Oliver Stone's whole point in making this movie. I don't care if he was gay or not, but why did it have to be so vehemently (I love using that word) piled on?
Second, can anyone in this movie act their way out of a paper bag? Not Colin Farrel, certainly not Jared Leto, and most definitely not Angelina Jolie. I'm surprised Colin's eyes didn't pop out on a few of those takes. He certainly tried hard enough... Jared Leto was just too soft to add anything to the picture. Angelina was hideous. There was nothing to like about her character. She talked funny and she had an evil-ugly look to her. No one else really had enough of a part to make a contribution.
Third, perhaps Oliver Stone has not heard of a script, because this movie might have been done without one. There is no dialog that sticks out, and most poignant lines are clichéd.
Fourth, 3-D puzzles are easier to put together than this jumbled mess. The movie might have been better if I could follow it. Having to catch a good look at Colin Farrel's hair to figure out how old he was in each scene was just too difficult. I also have to ask... why did Oliver decide to use a circle wipe before the elephant battle? I replayed that four times and just couldn't figure out why that was in there. While I'm on the subject, what the hell was with all the red when Alexander got hit with the arrow?
Simply put, this movie was a mess. I don't care how historically accurate it was, the material just wasn't delivered in an acceptable manner, and that's the main factor killing this film. If you're looking to see a bad movie just to see a bad movie, then go ahead. But it's a very long movie, too long to enjoy just because it's bad. As for me, I want that three hours of my life back...
-Dave