Ollie gets an F

Rating: 1/10 (11 December 2004)

This was probably the worst movie I've seen in a while, and I've seen some pretty bad ones (ie the new Exorcist movie). When I heard this was going to be an Oliver Stone film, I thought to myself, "Black and white off kilter shots and hallucinatory shots in a movie about one of the legends of European history, sounds greaaaatt." I had my doubts. They were confirmed from the very beginning. The first shot probably had Old Orson Wells rolling in his grave (if there's even enough room down there for him), as the first words that come to any self respecting film goers lips would be "Rosebud..." The film's characters fail to capture the heart, because they remain near static throughout, and we learn nothing about them save that they were given a poor script to read from.
That brings me to the next point, the dialogue. The dialogue at points was so horrendous I actually considered walking out of the theatre (something I have never considered doing). Apart from the occasional good line "Such a price to pay for 9 months lodging in her womb," the dialogue goes from one tright and clichéd discourse to the next. The one monologue which almost peaked my interest was interrupted mid-sentence to show off some fancy CGI of an eagle flying over the battlefield to the other side. Actually that shot would have been great, had the timing not been SO off pace. The movie drags, when it should be accelerating, and after the first hour I was waiting for ole Alex to snuff it real horrorshow like.
Unfortunately the movie drags on considerably longer than an hour, and by the end I felt like I had bought discount merchandise in bulk. The only saving grace was some adequate scoring, and glorious cinematography when the tragedy comes to the third act, but even then it is corrupted by the hallucinatory touch of Oliver Stone. NEWSFLASH Ollie, there was no LSD in Ancient Macedonia.
I would urge anyone considering to go see this to skip it and take in Sponge Bob Squarepants instead... At least the drug induced insanity of the characters in that movie fit. In short, I wouldn't suggest this movie to a blind man with ear plugs, because he could still smell the bulls***.