terrible, terrible failure

Rating: 1/10 (30 January 2006)

Easily the stupidest, most amateurish film i have ever seen. I only ended up watching it because I was curious to see if it was as bad as its supposed to be, only to find that it was worse.
The films ineptness was actually laugh out loud funny which can't have been its directors intention. The worst thing about the film is undoubtedly beetle-browed Colin Farrel who is totally defeated by his role. Aside from his thick Irish accent and terrible peroxided hair (the worst film hair since Robert Wagner in Prince Valiant) is totally ill equipped to inspire a nation as his character does. Seldom has such a bad actor had to carry a film on his shoulders, though the blame isn't all his, the supporting players are no better.
Angelina Jolie is perhaps the best and even she is fairly terrible as his mother as is Val Kilmer who hams it up as Alexander's father. Jared Leto is wet as Hephaisten - his death scene is truly hilarious - and one hopes that Christopher Plummer and Anthony Hopkins were not paid too well for their wise old men turns. Rosario Dawson is fine as Alexanders barbarian wife but has little to do as do Jonathan Rys Meyers and Brian Blessed who have brief thankless bit parts.
Aside from the cast the movie's flaws are endless, the costuming looks cheap (even if it wasn't) as do some of the sets and battle scenes, the cinematography is dire too (towards the end of the film everything turns pink for some reason)and the version I watched (directors cut) had many continuity and editing errors. The music too was perpetually irritating, though not as much as the clashing of accents was. The bizarre order in which the events were told didn't help matters nor did the long running symbolic use of snakes and eagles (very g.c.s.e media studies). The homosexual element of the film is handled clumsily, though i suppose its an awkward issue to broach in this type of film with the type of audience it attracts.
Luckily my friend works at a video rental store so I didn't have to pay to watch this awful film, though i can't pretend I didn't slightly enjoy how bad the film was because i did, but i would recommend that you save your money and time and watch something else. Anything else.