Move Over, Heaven's Gate and Cleopatra

Rating: 1/10 (6 December 2004)

Alexander was, for me, the most extravagant debacle to defile the big screen in decades. A horrific script (what in the ancient world was Stone thinking?), tragic miscasting of almost every male role, laughably bad acting, hackneyed and boring cinematography, and amateurish editing have been tossed together to present not the potentially engaging and exciting historical drama that we all expected, but instead brought us Stone's "Gay Alex's Plan-9 from Outer Mongolia". (Yes, Oliver, we all know that Great Alex swung both ways, with a decided preference for pretty boys. No need to tell us every ten minutes, in spades.) Anyone get the license plate of those crazy elephants...?