$100 million worth of turkey.

Rating: 3/10 (22 December 2008)

My Take: Money alone can't buy decency in this plodding, overlong "epic".
$155 million in your pocket. Your director is Oliver Stone. Your stars are composed of what many might call Hollywood's beautiful people. And lastly, people are going crazy for big-budget war epics. So how can Oliver Stone go wrong in his epic-scaled Alexander. Nothing really, just possibly one of the most ponderous, most boring movie ever to have big cash to spare. Throughout its dragging 175 minutes (!), I prefer listening to my history teacher and get it over with at about, say, 30 minutes. No big deal though, not even I can survive this ponderous would-be epic. Halfway throughout the picture (or is that even halfway?), I switched off my TV screen and left. I'm just thankful that I didn't see this on the big screen! Bloated and overstuffed, Alexander is also made worse by the fact that it had the potential. Stone, possibly one of the finest and certainly one of the wealthiest filmmakers, is a walking history book. In his films, Stone always seemed certain that he knows exactly about who his subject is. He's knowledgeable and, best of all, bold in his vision. One one hand, he's going the right direction with Alexander. The scale is massive, and the detail, from the impressive sets (that'll do Cecil DeMille justice) to some costume design, are given exquisite attention. Throw in some fancy camera work and a popular cast list and you have a big-budget epic film-in-the-making.
Unfortunately, Alexander turns real bad real fast as the film goes on... and on... and on. Worst of all, it moves sluggishly with hardly anything happening at all to anyone and anything. To throw in some "excitement" to the scene, Stone gives as some expensive battle scenes (aka the "money shot") to enliven up the experience, but it is put to vain as we are forced to drag about excessive babble and emphasis on Alexander's (an underwhelming Colin Farrell) homosexuality. You won't believe it 'till you see it! The cast is wasted. Angelina Jolie is forced to ham about as Olympias, Val Kilmer rarely has enough time to flex his muscles as King Philip, and Anthony Hopkins, forced to simply just read the script aimlessly as a subdued Ptolemy. So far as I've watched (though I think it wouldn't change a thing even if I watched the entire film), Alexander is a titanic bore. Big-budget film-making at its worst.
Rating: *1/2 out of 5.