camp classic

Rating: Null/10 (6 December 2004)

Alexander is a total camp classic; it is so bad it comes around the other side and ends up fun, but not for the reasons Stone intended.
Angelina Jolie is out of control and over the top--she is channeling Faye Dunaway in Mommie Dearest, Bette Davis in All About Eve, and Yvonne DeCarlo in Exodus (come to think of it, this whole movie is a tribute to Exodus). There's a line about how she gets "no respect" from her son that is so overwrought that you expect her to whip out wire hangers as Exhibit A. For some reason she also decided she needed to play the part with a Russian accent.
Everyone else has an Irish accent. Even Jared Leto, who is American (I guess they thought that it would be too jarring in context if he didn't speak with a brogue). It's like Tom and Nicole in Far and Away (except that movie was actually about Irish people). Who new that Macedonians were actually a lost Celtic tribe? And then there are some Macedonians who have thick, treacly Scottish accents. Very Braveheart.
Even the sound track sounds like it should be about British glory--there's a bit near the end that sounds like "Jerusalem" mixed with the Chariots of Fire soundtrack. I kept expecting the Macedonians to shout "For England!" as they surged across the plains unfurling a Union Jack.
Colin Farrell's hair is a whole other issue. He looks like Meg Ryan with a beard (a very dark, hairy beard). Why would you not also bleach those black Irish eyebrows, or at least take them down to an auburn while you're at it. Jared Leto's hair is even worse. He has this stringy Jesus thing going on. Saxons and Angles and Visigoths and such all had bad hair, but Greeks and Macedonians and Romans all have pretty good coifs, at least on their statuary--so why go out of your way to give your characters historically inaccurate bad hair?
Most scenes set East of Babylon look (fittingly, I suppose) like they were shot in Las Vegas--there's a sort of fire dance floor show number set in India that is straight out of Showgirls (except that Stone uses showboys).
And Alexander is definitely gay, no question about that, except he is gay in a Hollywood circa 1980 way, like in Making Love, where that male characters just hugged each other a lot like superbowl winners while Kate Jackson got all upset.
All in all, I had several good laughs and agreed we would pay $9.25 to see it again.