Alexander the Grate

Rating: 1/10 (30 November 2005)

They took a thousand people into the desert for two years and had to justify the expense by putting together three hours of footage as a film. Unfortunately Stone used the wrong three hours. Somehow Petersen's Troy was watchable, and even brilliant in places. This was totally awful. Irishmen transplanted to Greece, with no explanation. Peroxide blond hero with dazed expression. Russian mother who is only two years older than himself. One eyed Dad whose motivation is impenetrable, and then who dies off screen. I gave up half way through the battle of Gaugamela. Despite Alex outlining his strategy using models at the beginning, it degenerated into the usual Braveheart / Gladiator style pell mell nonsense. The Macedonian phalanx was successful because of its discipline. Not for taking part in a chaotic mess. When will directors stop following Gibson's free for all style in battle scenes? It is just lazy and stupid. Alexander wouldn't have conquered the block around his own house if he had behaved like that. What came after this I don't know, as I decided not to waste any more time on this rubbish. Is this the same Stone who made JFK and Nixon ? Is he on crack nowadays ?