Mnemonic Gardens of Vanity

Rating: 4/10 (28 June 2006)

Where to begin, where to end? Here is a racial analysis of Oliver's project. The problem started in Anthony Hopkins' little racist and historically inaccurate mnemonic garden, situated in Egypt of course, and decorated by Rider Haggard. As this little tableau is supposed to be what Europe was to become more than what it was, the historical anachronisms are a given, and every stereotype is included.
In this 19th Century American fantasy, Black people (literally) bow their heads to the wisdom of the broad-sculled Greeks. Didn't 'Old Ptolemy' know that, as Plato wrote in the Timaeus, the Egyptian priests called the Greeks "but children in the mysteries"? And who is taking notes (literally) from this wise, Nordic Greek, but an Italian scribe (the Romans).
Then, there are the scores of *blond* Greek children, enthusiastically playing at killing each other, like so many Hitler Youths.
Alexander's mother is a dark skinned Greek, and therefore brilliant but fiery and emotionally unstable. His father Philip, played by a heavy set Val Kilmer, looks like Little John in Robin Of Sherwood, always drunk or ready to fight, or both. Top of the morning to you too, Phil.
This is the Herrenvolk/master race reading of Greek history, where Greece was first populated by blonde, Viking like invaders from the Northeast.
The historical inaccuracy of including the Lighthouse of Pharos (not completed until the reign of Ptolemy II), likely for rhetorical purposes, has been mentioned elsewhere.
The thing with mnemonic gardens is that they are supposed to become part of your memory, indelibly inscribed for future use. I would pass on that, thank you.
What is left is a terrible script, historical inaccuracies and good actors trying to save the movie and failing *cough* heroically.
Maybe Las Vegas can turn it into a musical. See JFK instead. ;\