Alexander: Theatrical Crap

Rating: Null/10 (28 November 2004)

Alexander was the worst movie I have seen in the theater in a very long time. I was sad and disappointed. I thought this movie would be in league with Troy, not the best movie ever made, but with enough action and beautiful people to make it worth seeing. It was not. It was entirely too long, and I kept waiting for it to get better over the course of 3 hours but it didn't. I only stayed through the entire thing because I had spent $8.50 to see it and I was going to get my money's worth. Colin Farrell was absolutely terrible, crying and yelling and sending smoldering looks to Jared Leto. There is a lot of "gay" scenes, but they are historically accurate, he was bisexual. But the scenes aren't titilating or hot, they are just there. Jared Leto telling Colin he loves him, long embraces, smoldering glances, etc. Doesn't live up to the hype. Angelina Jolie was gorgeous, but sounded like she was Count Dracula's girlfriend. The movie had the feel of a PBS special, complete with a British narator. There was no point or reason for the movie, there was no motivation for anything that happened, it just did. Alexander wanted to see all of the known world, but why?! Just because, it seems. Conquered all those people for fun. Colin Farrell didn't make him seem interesting or intelligent or a man of any consequence, just some guy out to conquer the world. The battle scenes were boring and gory. Just a bunch of guys chopping at each other and getting covered in blood. If you are reading this and haven't seen it, don't waist your money!!