In the words of Monty Python, "Run away, run away!"

Rating: 2/10 (25 November 2004)

Overacting, strange accents, the kind of xenophobic attitude that has white guys thinking while anyone dark acts like a savage, an obsession with Alexander's purported bisexuality that summed up the worst stereotypes of gays, and about an hour and a half in the middle that I thought would never end. Very little clear exposition, no indication of why this guy was able to conquer the world, and genuinely sloppy editing. Wow, after what I'd hoped this movie could be, I was deeply disappointed. Good things: The battle of Gaugamela, the panoramas of Babylon, and the scene early when Alexander tames Bucephalus. Bad things: Horribly repetitive dialogue (we get it already), the supposition that we had a reason to care enough about this guy to spend so much time watching him fall apart (without ever being given a reason to care), and using Anthony Hopkins about as well as using a Ferrari to pull a stump out of the back 40. If you have absolutely nothing to do for the time it takes to play 18 holes of golf, if you have twenty bucks that you really hate and never want to see again, or if you want to make movies and need a good look at a ton of things you should never do, consider going. Otherwise, follow King Arthur's advice in Monty Python and the Holy Grail, and "run away!"