Epic disappointment

Rating: 5/10 (29 August 2005)

I went into this movie with high hopes; after all, I was going with my Classics Club. It isn't a horrible movie, and it gets kudos for being an epic, but compared to other epics it falls vastly short. I will address the things which held this movie back from greatness.
Run time: Yes, this is an epic, yes the story takes a long time to tell. But the plot line itself was simply not captivating enough to hold an audience. We are left to wonder at points, "where is this going?" Not so much in terms of what will happen, but why it matters. There were several points where I thought the film was wrapping up, but then it just drug on some more. The message of the film was hard to grasp. I think Stone tried to do too much in that regard. He was trying to make too many allusions and connections from Alexander to various mythical legends that we get confused.
Gratuitous sex: I have no problem with sex in films, especially when it's relevant to the storyline. Yes, I know that Alexander the Great had homosexual tendencies. I don't see anything wrong with portraying these in the film, but instead of being a part of the character, at times it seemed to be all there was. It was almost like the film felt it had to PROVE just how gay Alexander was, and I felt this unnecessary. There was also a lot of nudity that was there for the sake of nudity, not the art of the film or the storyline.
The biggest drawback was the lack of a clear direction, theme or message to the story. We all know what's going to happen, if we know the historical accounts, but that shouldn't stop us from enjoying the ride. In this case, it seemed like an overly long and pointless one.
As to the "bad accents": This did not bother me a lot. I understand that this was not a portrayal of true Macedonian or Greek history, but rather a stylized portrayal similar to "Julius Ceasar", "I, Claudius" and the like. The cast was predominantly from Great Britain, and elements of that were strong in the film, but it worked.
There were good things in this film, mostly technical. The costuming and portrayal of the places Alexander conquered were beautifully done, especially the battle scenes in Persia and India. You really get a feel for the cultures Alexander comes into conflict with. The color and look of the film is highly stylized, and a little too artistic for some, but this is overall an artsy movie.
I'd recommend seeing in once, preferably on a large, wide screen.
And as an off comment, the makeup proves that any guy in black eyeliner is hot.