I can't believe this is from the same guy that did Platoon!!

Rating: 1/10 (16 November 2004)

"Alexander" is by far one of the worst movies i've ever seen. And i've seen a LOT of crappy movies. I went to see it for free at a university; so I expected some level of college-maturity-level-heckling. This movie deserved every last cackle, jeer, moan and groan. Although I can go on for days about all of the problems with this movie, I will only highlight 3:
1. With the exception of Angelina Jolie and Rosario Dawson (both of whom sounded like they were from Transylvania), everyone had a half-arsed Irish accents. The only logical explanation for this is that Colin Farrell, the title character, could not manage any semblance of a Mediterranean, Greek, or Macedonian accent. (any of them would have been acceptable)
2. At least 45-minutes of the movie was dedicated to homo-erotic-innuendo, which wouldn't have been a problem since Alexander the Great was definitely (or at least) bisexual. However, the way it was done made it look like a mild version of "Caligula." I was literally waiting for Colin Farrell to name his horse as his 2nd in command. One would think that the portrayal of such a heroic figure (that was the point, right?) would highlight something like Alexander's sexuality in a respectful manner. It was completely tasteless.
3. The battle scenes terrible, point blank. Yes, I understand the first fight was in the desert, but i would have like to SEE some of it. The so cinematography was so chaotic that you could not follow any Alexander's "strategic mastery." And the rally speech was a shameless "Braveheart" rip-off.
P.S. What the hell was Collin Farrell's lion growl about in the near-rape seen of his wife?