Farcical

Rating: 1/10 (9 August 2006)

Not anywhere near the epic that Oliver Stone had been or should have been aiming for, but a loose, misguided and swollen mess of a production. I am led to believe that the cast raided some eccentric's hideous vintage costume collection, stole as much as they could, along with a dozen or two animal hides and put on an absurd play. A movie about one of the greatest conquerors in history should be nothing less than sweeping and memorable. Instead, it is a boring, plodding and jumbled disappointment. It looks as if Colin Farrell woke up one day in the land of Alexander, and we painfully watch him try to figure out what's happened to him. In the midst of this, there's Anthony Hopkins popping up on and off, lecturing us to sleep; Angelina laughably improbable as a full-on sorceress with a poorly made-up accent; and the goofiest sex scene the world's ever witnessed. The overly decorated set and costumes were brimming with tackiness; so stuffed was the set that I was afraid some of it might spill over. Alexander is a miscast disaster in the hands of a clueless director.