Ollie's Folly!

Rating: 2/10 (19 September 2005)

Caught this on PPV. "Alexander" is a big mess! The inconsistency is nothing short of staggering as epitomized by two death scenes: the guy getting beaten with a severed head was cool; the elephant getting medieval on Hephaistion was just plain silly! Throw in Anthony Hopkins as the Travelocity Gnome, Val Kilmer as The Town Drunk, Angelina Jolie as Boris Badenov, Rosario Dawson as Catwoman, Colin Farrell as Shirley Temple, and you've got yourself one hum-dinger of a snooze-fest!
Some think Stone is drawing parallels between what Alexander wrought in ancient Persia and what Bush has begat in modern Persia, but that's being kind! Ollie's Alexander is a Mama's Boy with a Daddy complex. How this sniveling brat conquered the known world with his Abercrombie and Fitch Army is not for us lesser minds to ponder. And he has such a pathetic need to be liked, he wants to bring the peoples of the world under his boot so he can free them? Yeah, right! The real Alexander never granted those he conquered freedom or even the semblance of self-rule, and was interested in nothing except his own glory. In short, Alexander the Great was a tyrant in liberator's clothing, just like Ollie's buddy, Fidel Castro.