pretty fantasy, but excruciatingly boring

Rating: 2/10 (14 August 2005)

Bad, but not bad enough to be funny (unlike Troy, which was so bad one had to laugh). Bad mediocre. As a movie, it flops from lack of an overarching story, sluggish pace, and plain lethargy. Maybe broken into 28-min bits it might work, a sort of "Look what happens to Alexander" weekly series. Alexander is a legendary man of mythical stature, yes human, but also a hero remembered to this day throughout the lands he razed and conquered. What, then, to make of this man that can barely carry his armor? And what of the awkward flashback device, generating flashback-within-a-flashback moments?
And then there is the homophobia. Why is it okay to show 5 minutes of sex with Rosario Dawson, but not okay to show one kiss between Alexander and Hephaistion? This says more about the calculations from the director and producers than about the motives and emotions of Alexander. As with other recent movies (Batman Begins comes to mind), the fight scenes are too confusing to deliver a punch. Yes, maybe that's what soldiers actually feel like. But this is a movie, not boot camp, we're supposed to feel moved (or claustrophobic, or frightened) by the battle, not frustrated to the brink of walking out. The accents are grating and, depending on one's point of view, Angelina Jolie is either an embarrassment or the comic relief that makes the movie watchable.
And for all the historians out there, the library of Alexandria was not founded until Ptolemy II. Cleopatra did a better job at re-creating the site. Kudos for the Macedonian lancers, and for the gates of Babylon, though.
In sum, not worth the time/money of this viewer.