Terrible...

Rating: 1/10 (12 September 2008)

First off, I must thank the high-heavens that the idiots involved with this film did not add "the Great" to the title, so that those of us who can only pray someone makes a film that lives up to the title of one of, if not, the greatest rulers this world has ever had.
There's no defensible reason to how this film could possibly be considered "good". From the acting to the score, Alexander is full of awfulness that makes it so deservingly awarded the title of The Worst Picture of the Year.
There is not one character fit for the role they play. Angelina Jolie seems to have never aged, Val Kilmer (an actor I tend to like) delivers a lot of ham, Jared Leto seems to be lost, and Colin Farrel acts as if he belongs on a daytime soap. Homosexuality being set to the side, Leto and Farrel play probably the most androgenic characters of the decade, there is no subtlety to them, and if I saw one more shoulder-massage, I was gonna shriek. Anthony Hopkins' usage in the film is such a crime, Oliver Stone should serve some time.
The writing and directing is so lackluster and cheap, that no matter how much money went into this project, it was a destined failure. When having Oliver Stone, Hollywood's biggest hack, sign on as the director and writer is an idea far worse than any other this film faced. While I really enjoyed Conan the Barbarian, and hated Scarface, the end result leans to the latter so much, it breaks the balance beam. The dialogue is awful, as our characters speak in paragraphs (sometimes it seems like essays) worth of words, rather than sentences that get to the point. The moments between Leto and Farrel on the balcony is so laughable, I had to question whether anyone set out to make a good film, or just garbage.
The battle scenes are, as sincere as I can be, despicable. From the, once again, huge dialogue moments of battle speeches, to the most fake CG hawk flying over the vistas, everything is ridiculous. Stone tries to make an artsy film, where there's intense closeups of the protagonists and antagonists, while the music soars with no real complexity. The beginning fight is comprised more of Alexander's nonsensical speech than it is of fighting, and when the battle does erupt, it is so sloppily edited, that the entire team deserves Razzies. Other artsy moments on Stone's part are the scenes in Babylon, and the various other battle sequences that have no inspiration to them... just "lame" written across everyone's foreheads. Alexander trots across the front ranks of his army, telling how he remembers each of them, and the soldiers shake their spears in the air, as if this is suppose to add some gravitas to the mood.
The music is one I'd toss out the window, because it is so dull and unoriginal, that seeing it clatter and shatter on the pavement would be the single greatest achievement this film could ever have dreamed of obtaining. Vangelis seems to be a terrible choice, even if his only real claims to fame cling to Chariots of Fire and Blade Runner, this score still goes in the trash.
The special effects, like the hawk mentioned earlier, are terrible. To avoid any depth in the creation of the armies, we see humongous wide shots, where everything seems like an ant, and you cannot tell which army is which. A poor decision, but it isn't surprising based on the rest of this travesty. Also, when the archers fire numerous volleys, the arrows fly and are launched with such lazy effect... I questioned once more the intentions of this movie.
All in all, Alexander is such a fiasco of such wretchedness, I cannot recommend it to anyone. It is so bad and such a waste of millions of dollars, that there is no redeemable factor. No one does a fine job, not even the people behind the camera. This is just one, big, epic-fail.