Welcome to Bizarro-World

Rating: 7/10 (1 December 2004)

The world is a confusing, chaotic mess, and in mankind's futile attempt to make sense of it he mythologizes those that came before in hopes of forgiving the transgressions of his forefathers and providing a sense of optimism for the uncertain future. It's this type of mixed message where leaders can turn from visionary hero to over-indulgent tyrant in the blink of an eye, combined with grotesque parallels to current geopolitics (care to take a look at Afghanistan and Iraq anyone?), and a discouraging moral relativism marked most prominently by the rampant bisexuality of these ancient marauders that has sent those critics and viewers who get scared by the gray areas of life all a flutter. Oliver Stone's 'Alexander' is a big, audacious, confusing, bloody mess of a film. During its entire three hour run time I was on edge, never knowing what type of over the top directorial flourish (witness the climactic infrared elephant battle royale), weird psychosexual subtext, or insane acting performance was awaiting us in the next frame.
For all it triumphs (the creatively staged battle scenes, the opulent Babylon, the subtexts and symbolism, the passionate performances), there were a few damning distractions. The love story between Alexander and Hapheastion was as cheesy as the type of heterosexual romance you would find in a 'Titanic' or 'Pearl Harbor.' Also, while Angelina Jolie's other-worldly accent whose origins can only be known to her dialect coach adds yet another fascinating layer to her fine art of scenery chewing, the Irish and Scottish accents of the Macedonians and Greeks are ridiculous and lift you right out of the alien world Stone has placed you in. Still, I would take this all instead of the over-ripe dullness of this year's earlier and only mildly entertaining Greek epic 'Troy.' You see, in the bizarro-world of Hollywood, a monumental failure from the likes of an Oliver Stone still towers over the greatest works of a lesser director.