I 'd have to be well and truly "stoned" to see this again

Rating: 1/10 (20 January 2005)

I have seen worse movies, but they usually start with an opening line such as "My God, you are a big boy, aren't you?" and are clearly aimed at those with the mental capacity of Paris Hilton's Pekinese and the size to match.
But, Oliver Stone's Alexander, with the infliction of Colin Farrell in the title role, is right up there. Not that I had difficulty understanding who was who: the Macedonians spoke with Irish accents, the Greeks with Scottish, the Persians with Indian and the Indians themselves--well, they simply ran out of accents so said nothing.
But who was who and who clearly didn't want to be in this movie at all (Anthony Hopkins) was just about all that was comprehensible in this sword and sandal epic penned and directed by the man who began his history rewriting with JFK, then made Jim Morrison turn over in his grave.
Oliver Stone clearly wants to impress us with a deep, methodical and penetrating psychoanalysis of the complexity of the Alexander character. He offers insight into the oedipal and bisexual influences that shaped the world's most driven and successful conqueror, and invites us to delve deep into a sullen, swirling maelstrom of a mind and from there to look outwards at a world never fully understanding let alone accepting that it is in the presence of a higher being near deification.
So he casts Colin Farrell to play the part! Was Don Knotts unavailable?