Epic Waste of Time

Rating: 3/10 (10 July 2007)

The Alexander I studied in history class makes barely a cameo in this movie.
The story goes like this. There is a man who is the son of a king who conquers stuff. We never really get a clear idea on why, but we know he does this, because people keep saying he's really great. The time line flips from past to future or present, and we never really know where exactly we are.
The battle scenes are few, far-between and and shaky camera work makes it so that it appears as though no one has any idea what is going on, the audience certainly doesn't.
Alexander, the one we all know and adore, The Great, makes about one appearance, and it's when he is twelve. He gets on that 'untamable horse' and rides it. I really enjoyed this scene. It was about the only scene I enjoyed.
And I don't blame the actors, except for accepting the script. The story itself was confused- it wanted, I think, to be an action movie, but then again, it wanted to be an epic, and oh yeah, they wanted to show that Alexander was gay, but then there's the fact that he wants his mom (who looks about the same age he does). Oh, and he's a good commander.
Oh, and to add to the drama, Alexander runs around acting like a wimp because he can't... actually, I never really found out WHAT he wanted, but he seemed to be sniveling on about something. Be a man! Go out and fight, or strategize, or SOMETHING! Don't just whine about it, DO SOMETHING.
I have to admit, I did find some humor in some of the more 'dramatic' lines. Okay, so there was SOME value, even if it was comic. In the end, the movie was an epic waste of time. The only scene I liked was the one in which Alexander rode that horse. And why didn't he and his little friend just DO it already?
Watch this movie if you have three hours in which there is not one other movie you could be seeing. Wait- scratch that. If you run out of movies, take this DVD and set it on fire, then sculpt it into something cool. And THAT will have made something worthwhile out of this movie.