Alexander the Incoherent

Rating: Null/10 (28 November 2004)

What a disappointment!
I have no idea what Oliver Stone was trying to say with this film. Whatever it was, it didn't work. The heavy-handed pseudoartistic symbolism (eagles? snakes? rings with big ugly stones in them?) failed to convey anything important, and the movie -- while giving us considerable insight into Alexander's angsty relationships with his dysfunctional family -- failed to show us the considerable military skill and personal magnetism that the real Alexander must have had in order for his conquests to be successful.
Ptolemy's endless narrations didn't work well, either. Not only were they boring, they also confused me. It seemed as though the Alexander that Ptolemy was describing had no resemblance to the one we were seeing on-screen. And the detail was overwhelming, despite the cutesy maps on the walls and floors.
In my opinion, about the only appealing thing in the whole movie was the relationship between Alexander and Hephaistion. Two people who genuinely cared about each other. How refreshing! It's a shame that it was necessary to cut those scenes. Are American audiences really that squeamish?