Alexander, a good idea poorly executed

Rating: 4/10 (29 March 2006)

Alexander had the potential to be one of those sensational epics that explore the nature of a renowned historical figure. Instead it was a mishmash of accents, bad wigs & time jumps which left the audience saying "wtf?" OK so Hephaistion was pretty hot, and Angelina Jolie at least made the effort to sound Greek, but we have no idea why Val Kilmer felt that King Phillip needed to be Scottish for this one - was it just an easier accent than Greek? Or was it so he sounded more like the rest of the apparently Irish/Scottish/English "Macedonian" army? I swear one of these men said "Aye" with a decidedly Scottish brogue in the middle of an important speech and said he wanted to go "Haeme" (Or Home, for those of us who aren't from the Northern portion of the United Kingdom). It seemed very much that huge and important chunks of the Alexander story were jumped over and the film relied heavily on historical knowledge that some people just don't have to fill the gaps. On the up side, I think the way Alexander's relationship with his friend Hephaiston was handled did not warrant the public uproar that it received. What is more, some of the sets were truly beautiful, particularly Babylon, and it was great to have something so lovely to look at while trying to figure out what was going on and whether Alexander was secretly Irish. Our recommendation - don't see Alexander unless you like watching long, apparently pointless, battle scenes with motivational speeches that make you wonder when Alexander is just going to come out with "They may take our lives, but they'll never take our FREEDOOOMMMM!"