Colin Farrell in hair extensions.

Rating: 5/10 (12 October 2006)

When a film is directed by Oliver Stone and has in its cast such luminaries as Anthony Hopkins, Angelina Jolie, Colin Farrell and Val Kilmer, a prospective viewer would feel entitled to expect something special. Unfortunately, in watching this film, most viewers will find only something ordinary. Very ordinary.
Like the Torture of a Thousand Cuts, there are a thousand annoying ways in which this film fails to satisfy. For a start, there are the accents. Colin Farrell and Val Kilmer appear to have affected some form of Irish accent while Angelina Jolie sounds as though she is doing a poor impression of Count Dracula. Among the support cast there is such a myriad of various accents that one could feel like a visitor to the United Nations on open day.
Then there is the acting. With the sole exception of Anthony Hopkins, who delivers a measured and convincing performance as the narrator of the story, Old Ptolemy, all the other players seem to be reaching for something and coming up short.
Rosario Dawson looks divine, but fails to even reach mediocrity as Alexander's wife Roxane. The scenes between Farrell and Dawson had me squirming in my seat, as if I were listening to a poorly-tuned piano.
The battle scenes (as you might expect, there are more than a few) are, on the whole, better than average, although I do have to be a bit critical of Stone's reaching for the clichÃ©d slow-motion effect rather too frequently. At least the viewer has some chance of determining who is who in the fighting - some recent action films (think Troy, King Arthur) presented blurred kaleidoscopes where the viewer was left with no understanding of what transpired.
Of course, the plot has Alexander marching ever onwards in an attempt to conquer the world from end to end (it was flat in those days!). There is a degree of behind the scenes skulduggery involving his mother, Olympias (played by Jolie), who has convinced Alexander that his father is the god Zeus. A further sub-plot surrounds Alexander's love life, principally his relationship with his boyhood friend Hephaistion.
In the end, this film is largely unsatisfying. There are no stand-out performers amongst this A-list of actors, and the plot is not well enough constructed to hold the viewer's attention throughout.