Aladdin rubs its live-action lamp and produces a mere dusting of musical magic.

Rating: 4/10 (25 May 2019)

Disney's onslaught of extravagant remakes of their classic animations has certainly had its ups and downs. Think of it as a nauseating magic carpet ride, powered solely on money, that is showing no signs of stopping. 'Beauty and the Beast' was a success, and with that the Renaissance era of animations was bound to get the live-action treatment. So here we are with one of my favourites, Aladdin. And despite the intrinsic split in opinions from both critics and audiences, I can happily confirm my original suspicions that this is one heck of a soulless, pointless and boring production. A "street rat" falls in love with a princess who is unable to marry anyone but a prince, and so he encounters a genie to which he decides to try and win her love.
Of course, the sinister Jafar is present in an attempt to rule the kingdom, yet Ritchie's musical monstrosity is predominately focused on Jasmine and Aladdin's forbidden love. Engrossing performances from both Massoud and Scott are probably the film's only selling points. The initial look of cosplayers quickly transformed into real characters based solely on their exquisite chemistry. They both looked the part, acted the part and essentially lived the part. Just a shame that nothing else in this desolate production was breathing any life.
Now I know what you're thinking. Why didn't I turn my brain off and try to enjoy the fantastical adventure that Ritchie translated. Well, I did just that. I tried. But when Jafar comes on screen in his silky smooth attire, stiff as a wooden pole, and gently commands "bring me the lamp", that is an immediate sign that I wanted to jump off this magic carpet ride. Abhorrently forgettable and the complete opposite to his antagonistic roots, and seemingly felt like an afterthought once the romance was established within the first five minutes. A script that felt drier than the Arabian sands, with most of the dialogue being heavy-handed exposition outlining each character's relationships, feelings and positions within their first spoken line.
Occasionally the comedy crept in, mostly in the second act when Aladdin becomes Prince Ali from Ababwa and is incompetent at flirting (enough about those damn jams!), however it's nowhere near as hilarious as the original. And yes, whether you agree or not, I will be comparing this to the original. As a direct remake, with the story rarely being altered, it's an absolute fair method for analysis. Oh, and it just highlights the ridiculous amount of uninspired money grabbing producers that work for the "House of Mouse". I'm bluntly saying this because Aladdin marks the rapid downfall of the quality that these remakes uphold.
Not even Will "Get Jiggy Wit Da Genie" Smith had enough material to save the film, despite comparing favourably to Williams' unanimously perfect voiced performance. His charm manages to shine like a "diamond in the rough" on occasion, but even with the mediocre CGI role, he just wasn't animated enough. Literally! Sure, he performs his own songs and adds that little "Fresh Prince" flavour, yet it strangely irritated me. The random "woahs" and "eyyys" after every sentence (classic Will Smith "rapping") took away from the romanticism and flamboyancy of the lyrics.
The noticeable autotune to Scott and Massoud's singing, especially for "A Whole New World", pretty much destroyed all emotion that the song should've exhumed. Newcomers to the story who have not seen the original will appreciate the musical numbers, however Ritchie's lack of exuberance in directing these lavish set pieces clearly showed. Quick cuts galore! Everything is plagued by a digital filter that, whilst providing depth to landscape shots, made the green screen and CGI even more noticeable. Hopefully he has used his third and final wish when it comes to creating blockbusters, as his strong suit is excelling in character driven gangster flicks. Not these excessive stylistic empty shells.
Other characters such as the Sultan and Iago were completely rewritten to be ultra realistic, and in doing so have relinquished all sense of personality. "Don't touch anything but the lamp". Proceeds to touch gold to which nothing happens, but touch a ruby? Different scenario! Oh, and Jasmine has an original pop song that ironically left me "speechless"...as to how unnecessary and deliberate it was. We get it. She doesn't want to be imprisoned. Move on! Atleast the costumes and production design were authentic and had vivid colours burst through the screen.
As I end this review, I want to reaffirm my opinion regarding these Disney remakes. I have nothing against the company doing these relentless translations, all for the sake of money mind you. But only if they are good. Only if they retain the charm and memorable quality of the work that it is reproducing. If that is lost, what's the point? It'll always be a lesser work of "art" that remains in the shadow of its original. Aladdin is exactly that. An empty shell rolling around in sand, dust and ruined characters. Aside from the central performances and occasional smiles, this did nothing for me. Families I'm sure will enjoy the heck out of it, but nothing compared to the magical animated feature. I shall watch 'The Lion King' with trepidation...