Awful. Awful. Awful.

Rating: 1/10 (22 September 2007)

There has been no greater disservice to the music and spirit of the Beatles than 'Across the Universe': an over-emotive, glitz-laden, ham fisted vehicle for a talentless group of unknown 'actors' which should only be viewed by film students as cautionary tale of what can happen when ego thinks it can adapt and improve things that that are already perfect. I wonder what on earth was going through the head of Ms. Taymor - a normally talented director of stage and screen and the mastermind behind the overlooked film adaptation of Shakespeare's 'Titus Andronicus' starring Anthony Hopkins and Jessica Lange.
'Across the Universe' fails on so many levels as a film that in all honesty it's impossible to list every single that's wrong whether it be a frat-boy singalong of 'A Little Help from My Friends'; an out-of-place cheerleader's lament summed up by 'I Wanna Hold Your Hand' (and as an aside, the time/place faction for this young lady's scene made zero sense); a moronic narrative involving every plot cliché yanked from network television mini-series including some father/son silliness and some seemingly-solid-yet-ideologically-different relationship silliness; cheesy character names that serve as excuses to break into songs containing said names; all this topped off by performances so ludicrous, that in comparison, they make Tor Johnson's role in 'Plan 9 from Outer Space' appear Oscar-worthy.
As for the songs, I used to think that it would be close to impossible for anyone to miss the irony, wit, or humor of any song by the Beatles. I also was of the feeling that it would be quite a stretch for any performer to make a Beatles sound bad. Heck, I didn't think the 'I am Sam' soundtrack was that bad, and I kind of dig the Fiona Apple version of 'ATU'. I don't even mind 'Hello/Goodbye' featured on the Target commercials. But the renditions of the songs in this film were so terrible, I wanted to call Sir Paul and Ringo to apologize profusely for my girlfriend and I spending money to watch as people who should know better slowly killed their songs.
I never thought I'd write this, but, if you're thinking about going to see 'Across the Universe', don't. Just go out and rent 'Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Heart's Club Band'. As bad as that picture is, it's ten times the movie 'Across the Universe'.
Ugh.