A complete insult

Rating: 1/10 (2 July 2012)

Warning: Contains some spoilers, but not anything that would ruin it for you. (This is not to say the movie wasn't ruined to begin with)
I don't even know where to begin with this movie. After wasting money a few years ago on another hyped up movie that turned out to be complete crap, I promised myself I would never spend full price on movies anymore until they came to my local $2 theater. There was one move in which I broke my promise which was The Dark Knight and I was satisfied, but for the most part I avoided movies particular new releases at all costs.
I did all of this until Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter was released. I was familiar with the story ever since the book was released many months earlier, and I finally get around to getting the book the Saturday after the movie release and completed it the following Friday. I really loved the book and while a fictional story, the historical information in the book was accurate including Lincoln's family, his sons, birth and dates of death. In addition the Civil War accounts were also accurate in terms of dates and outcomes. The book did a really good job tying in the story of vampires into the real life of Abraham Lincoln and this nation.
I was real excited to see the movie after finishing the book, and while I expected the movie to not follow the book exactly, perhaps omitting some aspects and combining characters, I did at least expect it to be much better than it was. On the contrary I found this movie to be quite insulting and terribly done. Once again a Hollywood movie jumps the shark and completes an utter disaster of overdone action scenes, needless characters and an unbelievable story. Its one thing to deviate a little from the book, but its a complete other thing to throw all of the things that made the book great out of the window and replace it with a steaming pile of crap such as this. The book was tortured, butchered and beheaded just as the unfortunate vampires Lincoln would encounter and destroy during his life.
It only took 10 minutes into the movie to realize that this was going to be a disaster. The only thing they got sort of right was the death of Abraham's mother when he was a little boy, but from that point on, everything was completely different. I don't mind the story being changed somewhat, but if you are going to change something at least make it worthwhile. The producers were so preoccupied with creating needless and overdone action scenes, they completely threw historical accuracy out the window. Without giving away too many spoilers, I must point out that the date of death of Thomas Lincoln (Abe's father) was wrong in the movie, the movie also completely ignored Robert Todd, Eddie, and Thomas (Tad) Lincoln. (Lincoln's other 3 sons). Henry, who was Lincoln's mysterious and one of his strongest allies in the book was reduced so some young Tom Cruise like character who was weak, unconvincing and boring. Mary Todd Lincoln who was psychologically weak in the book (and in real life); and understandably so, due to the death of her sons, turned into some powerful Joan of Arc wanna be which was also unconvincing. The movie also added two completely unnecessary main antagonists who were not in the book. These characters were your typical Hollywood a-hole bada$$es and added NOTHING to the story except to make it even worse than it already was. The story itself jumped around so much and seemed the producers' only goal was to rush through the back stories just so they could get to more action scenes. I could go on all day of how many things I hated about this movie but I will end my many gripes here and only say that the final action scene was complete crap, but what should I expect I suppose.
I guess it was my fault for expecting a quality movie when I should know by now Hollywood treats us American viewers as mindless Neanderthals who can only respond to non-stop action and cheesy overdone special effects and constant violence. This is not to say that the book wasn't violent, but I found the violence in the book to be much more believable than the movie which would just splash CGI blood every time Lincoln encountered a vampire.
I guess if you are a teenager who hasn't read the book or one who can't yet appreciate what it takes to make a movie both exciting and thought provoking, will absolutely love this movie. Older people on the other hand I suspect will find this movie quite insulting not only to the book, but to American history in general. As the crowd sat in complete silence, probably as disappointed and shocked as I was on how bad this movie was, I saw on the screen that one of the executive producers was Seth Grahame-Smith the author of the book. Such irony and such a shame that he can write such a good book, but then contribute to a disaster like this. I'm going to try my best to wipe this movie completely out my mind and from this point on I will re-promise myself not watch another movie in the theater until it comes to the $2 theater.
I don't give out 1 star review for anything too often, but I really can't find any redeeming quality that would push it up to two stars. So I will leave it at one. Probably not the worst movie I've seen, but its pretty close.