No Lie: This Sucked

Rating: 2/10 (6 January 2013)

I have been told it's not proper and even below this industry to call a movie "stupid" in one's review. But, damn, I will unapologetically call most of the scenes in Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter just plain stupid.
Granted, I am NOT a fan of CGI, or overused Matrix tricks without explanation. (I mean, reallywasn't the original Matrix almost 14 years ago?) In this mesh of realities, which I gave kudos to for being original in idea only, some of the axe-wielding scenes, especially involving horses, were so insanely comical and cartoonish, it was hard to even like this a little bit. It also didn't help having an incredibly bland Benjamin Walker play Mr. Lincoln. (Oh, and before you speak, I hadn't seen Daniel Day-Lewis's portrayal of the 16th President up to this point yet. So, I hadn't a recent version of Lincoln to compare this performance to.)
Walker was so bad, so boring, that when scenes weren't dripping with terrible dime store fake blood, he made the rest of the movie almost completely unbearable. Mercifully, when on screen, which wasn't that much, Dominic Cooper's Henry Sturges character, friend and mentor of Dishonest Abe, made up for some of the life that was sucked out by Walker.
(I'm going to love this one) When a vampire movie mimics the Twilight series, it's already headed towards trouble. Here, like that kiddie series that happily concluded last year, vampires can walk in sunshine. Apparently, they just taught themselves that talent. Abe's mommy is killed by one vamp and as in 100s of movie plots, he wanders with rage until directed to fight back by pal Henry. This includes, but isn't limited to, cutting down an entire tree with one stroke because one can imagine it as an enemy. Hmmm.
Eventually, Abe's conflicted with hunting vampires, killing the one who destroyed his mom, true love and I guess incidentally, being the President of the United States.
Obviously, the movie's not to be taken seriously, but c'mon. This movie was so poorly made, so bad, that even when a decent character or scene shows up, enough unforgivable stuff is still in your mind to dismiss the positive. Skip it and see the real-deal Lincoln movie of the year: Lincoln.