Conspiracy!

Rating: 2/10 (26 January 2006)

Something's probably bugged you about "A Clockwork Orange" and other films like it. You're not quite sure what it is, but it makes you mad. That's because you are witness to one of the greatest conspiracies of moviedom. Critics say Clockwork Orange is good. Film professors teach that Clockwork Orange is a masterpiece. Contentious artsy-fartsy students can't shut their silver spoon mouths about the brilliance that lies within Clockwork Orange. They do this about many, many horrid films, and we take it meekly, assuming that other people know something we don't.
That's a lie, 'cause I know it all. And A Clockwork Orange reeks. It's a lot like Impressionistic art: labeled as classy and innovative, yet it really makes no sense to anyone.
I tells it like it is. Here you have a film that has a really antagonistic subject Alex (Malcom McDowell) who revels in sex, violence, and talking in some sort of weird language that's most likely based on sounds emanating from 5-month-old tots. After some shocking, shocking acts of violence and rape (and CHECK OUT that phallic imagery, our film professors chime), the law catches up with Alex and throws him in jail. A bizarre experiment rehabilitates him to become nauseous at the mere thought of sex, violence, and Beethoven. From this point on, a large subtitle might as well be flashing "SOCIAL COMMENTARY" at the bottom of the screen.
My thought is, social commentary in movies is fossilized dinosaur dung sold at museums, unless shown with a spark of creativity. This is not the case. The plot turn is not more complicated than anything you've seen on a Happy Meal box. Think: What goes around comes around. Alex treats his friends badly. Later, they do the same to him. Alex tries to beat the system. Alex drinks milk. Blah, blah, blah. Kubrick revels in long, dry stretches of cinematic wasteland that has everyone barking that it's the best thing since Oprah started reading books. Open your eyes to the truth! It's just a few people bullying you into liking something that you haven't had the time to make up your own mind about! Free the people! Begin the revolution!