Is this the ultimate litmus test for latent homosexuality in the misguided soul of every heterosexual female-worshipping man-b***h or what?!

Rating: 5/10 (2 November 2013)

What's hilarious is how incredibly dumb this movie is. What's even more hilarious is how glorified it is by it's legion of fans despite how brilliantly it's stupidity flashes through the overwrought attempts to hide it under all the paint-on tan, gay-stripper posturing and contorting, and orgasmic orgiastic all-male battle cries and fight scenes.
Maybe that's the attraction. The movie was obviously made for idiots, gay men, liberated house wives, and the heterosexual man-b***hes who mindlessly serve them. Wow. If ever their was a cinematic phenomena for how pathetic the human race has become (or perhaps always was) then the success of 300 is proof of just that.
If you liked seeing Sylvester Stallone in Rambo, half-naked, covered in sweat and mud, and blowing away communists like a five year-old lost in his own fantasy world shooting invisible bad guys then imagine that, dumbed down and visually amped up a hundred times and you've got 300.
The noble(sarcasm), admirable(sarcasm) and sympathetic(sarcasm) Greek nation of Sparta who enjoy murdering their physically imperfect babies so readily it would make Adolf Hitler green with envy, and yet who still worship and are under the rule of a group of old deformed leprous wise-men who live on top of a mountain molesting underage girls they have put into a stupor with some sort of primitive date-rape drug (it seems like its okay to be born a physically imperfect Spartan as long as you're a pervert), are put in the dubiously honorable disposition by their hot-headed king when (after getting permission from his queen to act all psycho like the little mama's boy man-b***h that he actually is) he kicks some Persian messenger into a bottomless well and thus declares war on Persia before anyone else - the nation that is relegated to a military footnote by this decision between King psycho man-b***h and the cowardly wife-Queen hiding behind him - or the corrupt senate that has somehow turned against its own nation (gee I wonder why) despite its collectively physically perfect attributes - can bat a lash, say a word against it or hose their warhorse-of-a-king down to stop him from slitting all their wrists.
This movie has to be a joke. It can't be expecting anybody with half a brain to take this premise as seriously as it seems to take itself.
Are we supposed to be sympathizing with, relating to or finding these Spartan characters interesting in any way? The only thing they're fighting for is their already corrupt nation which seems rife with hypocrisy, stupidity, hatred and social turmoil to begin with which the military characters, the king and his 300 soldiers, that dominate the story seem either oblivious or indifferent to. So what exactly are they defending? A nation of baby killers who worship deformed leprous pedophiles while pretending to be a proud and noble culture? Ha! Don't make me laugh! Actually too late!
And don't tell me about the battle scenes.
I don't care what the history books say (history is filled with lies told by authoritative liars endorsed by weak-minded people dumb enough to accept it as truth) but there is no way 300 soldiers could withstand an oncoming crowd made up of thousands upon thousands of people, in this case full grown men armed and hostile, no matter what battle strategy was used. It's just physically impossible. If 3 people were standing in front of an entrance to an alley and 10 people rushed them there is no way they could prevent at least some of them from getting through. You'd have to be a f***ing idiot to believe otherwise.
Of course the filmmakers would have you believe that the Persians weren't smart enough to rush the 300 Spartans all at once (I think the modern term for it is a "stampede" and is usually the result of mindlessly panicking cattle) with their tens of thousands of soldiers so instead of realistic battle scenes we get an hour and a half of endless shots of the Spartans hacking away at Persian soldiers who for some reason are all mysteriously separated by dozens of feet of space as if relentlessly swarming the Spartans and thus crushing and overcoming them with the sheer size and weight of their numbers never occurred to them.
Wow. Talk about stupid and unrealistic. And supposedly using a battle strategy attributed to the mindless panicking of cattle was not obvious enough for the Persians, an insurmountable army that was already sweeping through the land conquering everything it came across.
If you want to know how dangerously gullible, stupid and pathetic people have become in the Microsoft age then the success of this moronic feat of CGI overkill made by one of the most glorified film-making hacks out there, Zack Snyder, possibly Uwe Boll's illegitimate brother, is overwhelming proof that if you make something shiny, polished and pretty enough it doesn't have to work at all in any other way to get sold on the open market to the idiot masses.