ugly clichés, tired imagery, no brain (very minor spoilers)

Rating: 1/10 (14 September 2007)

minor spoilers regarding imagery mainly -

This movie takes actual events and reduces them to the lowest level possible. The history of that time is actually interesting and complex as were the contesting sides. To say it was a lost opportunity is fairly irrelevant as they clearly had no intention of trying to use their resources to create an historical drama. They created a comic book which was likely what they wanted. What we get are a swirl of images and clichés. All of them are tired along with their symbolism. This is just formula. The skill is in the computer graphic people. The dialog, story, acting are virtually non-existent. All that can stay with you is in the tiring images that are pounded at you. Do the creative geniuses have nothing else to offer?
Formula, clichés, tired symbols; The one dimension talking/shouting head characters, the black and white choices, the obligatory lesbian kiss, the quasi-rape, the quasi-orgy, the whacko jewelry, piercings, straps and thongs, the torches, the staircases, the earth-mother in the field of grain with the rising sun and her young son running to her, the treacherous hunchback, the blatantly scheming and treacherous politician, the treacherous priests, the one eyed messenger, the miscast ethnicities, the blazing light between columns (several times), the soldiers doing super-human movements, the disjointed battle sequences, the illogical battle tactics, the endless symbolic gestures, the killing of the messenger with the threatening message, etc.
Then we get to the outright nonsense. The "good" Spartans are given costumes that approximate reality but their opponents are faceless leftovers from Lord of the Rings. One swears they were dressing from the same closet, although a few did have robes that some Persians might have worn. Then we have the beardless, effeminate Xerxes with multiple piercings and gold speedo trunks, essentially a joke from bars and salons I try to avoid. This takes Hollywood's willingness to disrespect history to new heights. It's a new low standard that will be hard to beat.
Even if you want blood, gore, action, fight scenes, what you get here is a video game of dark CGI. A comic book. But that is to insult comic books which often do have dialog, characters, depth, etc.