"Orson Welles never made an all-yellow movie." - jackpantalones

Rating: 4/10 (3 August 2007)

Sparta, 480 B.C. All is well in the Greek city-state with King Leonidas (Gerard Butler) and his happy family enjoying their freedom when word of the approaching Persian Emprie under King Xerxes (Rodrigo Santoro) comes, offering submission for peace. The King is understandably angered by this, but with the Oracles advising him not to go to war, he organizes only a small force of Spartans - along with a small detachment of Greeks - to stop Xerxes' huge army at "the Hot Gates", Thermopalaye, "a narrow pass where numbers do not matter". While Queen Gorgo (Lena Headey), Leonidas's slutty wife, tries to convince the Spartans to send the whole of their army to fight Persia, her husband's small force makes a gallant, determined stand against the might of the Persian army. But ultimately, numbers do matter, and Leonidas's action becomes a last stand.
"300" is a complete "triumph" of style over substance. It has about as much depth and characterization than can be expected from a comic book - er, wait, "graphic novel". It sacrifices usual devices like story, characterization, and empathy for ridiculously stylized imagery. It's a film that will and has no doubt appealed to legions of testosterone-soaked teen-aged boys, but anyone looking for something with a little brain or substance should go elsewhere.
The very fact that the film is faithful to its source is the very thing that makes it so off-putting. In an attempt to emulate the visual style of Frank Miller's comic book, the film is given a hideous yellow tint throughout. The film just looks ugly, and while the craft involved must have taken a lot of effort, it does not work. There is also ridiculously overused slow-motion, not only in the battle scenes where one might expect it, but in sex scenes as well. And let's not forget the ridiculous fantasy elements, like goat-headed Persians and giant gnarled-toothed Persians (some with nose rings and knife-blade hands!) who come across like rejects from "Lord of the Rings". There are a few nice images, like the scenes with millions of Persian arrows raining from the sky that works, but the film is overall so blatantly artificial that it is impossible to take it seriously.
This would be tolerable, perhaps, if the characters, story, and action were compelling, but they're not. All of the "characters" are about as deep as the ink sketches they represent. 90% of the film's dialog is Gerard Butler shouting "SPARTANS!" Thus, it is nigh impossible to become remotely interested in the fate of these characters. The acting is about as good as one can expect of a film like this, which is to say, little acting at all. Even the action scenes are lame, with the slow-motion and inclusion of aforementioned fantasy elements eliminating any tension or interest they might have.
Is there anything to recommend about this movie? Maybe a few things. There are a few nice images and it's easy to appreciate the craft used to bring the film to life. But overall "300" is a shallow waste of time, the kind of movie best suited for viewing by horny teenagers.
A generous 4/10.