Dumbed Down Braveheart/Gladiator Derivative Drivel is Shallow Eye Candy - Think "The Cell"

Rating: 5/10 (30 May 2007)

Spectacular cinematography and effects alone do not a movie make. Rife with historical inaccuracies, one dimensional archetypal heroes, a limp and woefully clichÃ© plot, and an arbitrary use of the word 'freedom', this is one cheese fest that can almost be completely experienced in its commercials alone. While the acting isn't dreadful per se, the script itself does nothing to help the actors along. Fueled by bullet time slow motion, and hyper-stylized digital tints, it was much like watching a CG pilot of a movie yet to be fully developed.
The silliness begins but unfortunately doesn't end with the super model factor. For no good reason other than to apparently show they had all worked out, these Spartans went shirtless through battles. I suppose on the logic that their P90X bodies would somehow prevail over the much less attractive but more practical chest plates and armor actually worn at the time. Just when you're done trying to justify that to yourself in order to take these guys seriously for another hour, armies of lost LOTR orcs and cave trolls start appearing.
If you can stomach the inaccuracies (eg: battling without armor, monstrous mutations, time line of Battle of Thermopylae, the actual use of Mt. Taygetos and societal morality in general) what you're left with is an aesthetically pleasing but puerile recycle of Braveheart and Gladiator. To quote Kenneth Turan: "unless you love violence as much as a Spartan, Quentin Tarantino or a video-game-playing teenage boy, you will not be endlessly fascinated (with 300).