One of the Best So-Stupid-It's-Funny Movies of the Year!!!

Rating: 5/10 (31 August 2007)

Watched as a comedy, 300 is not bad, but they should have put in more funny scenes. I won't spoil the magic, but we were all cracking up when the mutant ninjas appeared. It's as if the film makers were so scared that all the half-naked men might give the audience the wrong idea about the Spartans, that they turned the Hetero up to 11. At first I was offended, but the homo/xenophobia is so over-the-top, it becomes absurdly funny.
Twelve Things I learned from the movie:
1) Spartans are kind of like Scottish football players except that they all shave their chests and don't wear shirts... wait, I guess they're exactly like Scottish football players.
2) If anyone is effeminate, nonwhite, a lesbian, or physically unattractive, they are an enemy of freedom or a slave.
3) Wearing underwear is only for evil people like hunchbacks and God-kings. The army of freedom goes commando.
4) Throwing your only weapon is a good battle strategy, as is slowing time and teleporting from one location to another. (I knew this from other funny action movies though)
5) The aesthetic style of car commercials from the early 90's is the new cutting edge of action cinematography unless there are women in the shot, then you should shoot it like a perfume commercial from the early 90's.
6) Rhinos and elephants are easy to ship, easy to train, and very easy to kill.
7) Spartan cloaks never get dirty unless you are returning from a son-avenging murderous rampage.
8) Spartan cloaks have the power to summon wind if the wearer utters a corny line. Protip: Louder and cornier lines produce a stronger wind.
9) The sight of a toppling decapitated body can be surprisingly funny if the body belongs to a character you know nothing about and the entire scene happens in sloooooow moooootion.
10) Ru Paul blew most of his Godking evil henchmen budget on fancy masks for his elite army of mutant ninjas and forgot to check their resumes for evidence of any actual fighting skill.
11) People who kill innocent women and children are savage enemies of reason and justice, but people who kill innocent babies are reasonable and just champions of freedom.
12) "Well-written action movie script" (or video game or comic book) still means laugh-out-loud cheesiness during every dramatic scene.
So, while it doesn't quite top The Mummy Returns for unintentionally hilarious nonsensical action, it's a close second. I predict that this movie will score well with male gamers, adolescent boys, and ultra conservative patriarchs. I know it was based on a comic, but really now, it's like an allegory for the War on Terror written by a confused twelve year old. If you're looking for quality even on par with the mediocre Gladiator, keep looking. 5/10
P.S. Make sure you watch the credit roll for the multiple evil transsexual Asian roles (I thought transsexual Asian #3 did an excellent job).