Comedy of the Year!!!

Rating: 1/10 (13 August 2007)

Forget Evan Almighty or the Simpsons Movie. This summer, if you want a movie you can laugh and guffaw your way through, 300 is the one to go see! This movie takes itself so seriously - from the over-dramatic dialogue, perpetually epic sunsets, Adonis-bodied Spartans in CK briefs, over-the-top acting and the everybody dies finale - it is simply impossible to keep a straight face for more than 2 minutes at a time.
I had read reviews on IMDb which mentioned the lack of quality dialogue and plot in this movie, but nothing could have prepared me for hackneyed lines such as: "Freedom is not free, it requires great sacrifice. The price is paid in blood", and "My children, gather round! No retreat, no surrender; that is Spartan law and by Spartan law we will stand and fight... and die. A new age has begun. An age of freedom, and will know, that 300 Spartans gave their last breaths to defend it!" Freedom isn't free??!! It's as if these lines were taken from the George Bush Book of Inspirational Quotes for Your Troops. Every single line was laden with so much drama and foreboding, you could practically hear the writers screaming "THIS IS AN EPIC SUMMER MOVIE. YAAARRRR!!!!" Also, I'm sorry, but it's simply impossible to take anyone seriously when they're standing around in nothing more than little maroon briefs, a helmet and a cape. When did it suddenly become a Hollywood trend to depict all ancient Greeks as barely repressed homosexuals? I know they dabbled in pederast, but this is just ridiculous. The way they paraded around with bulging pecs and triceps, I was half expecting to see them suddenly ditch their spears and explode into a 300 person epic orgy. Thankfully, they all just died instead.
The one thing that can be said is that the graphics were amazing and painstakingly detailed. But what summer blockbusters aren't these days? In the end, all the CGI in the ancient world can not compensate for the monumental disaster that is 300. Avoid this movie at all costs.