300 - Stylized crud

Rating: 4/10 (23 June 2011)

300 (2006)
The movie starts with a very nice introduction. We get an impression of how Spartan culture works and also immediately, through showing the encounter with the wolf, the visual style of the movie.
Then we get to the scene were Leonidas is told he has a visitor. An officer seems to have specifically come to tell him about this. He doesn't say anything relevant and it's the woman who tells Leonidas about it. Notice also how the movie somewhat forces on us the cycle of Spartan life as we are now shown the boy being trained by his father. Okay.
Things start to go south as soon as the messenger comes to Leonidas. First of all, the tone the messenger comes with is not befitting a messenger at all. Why is he asking for trouble? He seems to propose Leonidas a deal that I could have told him beforehand, taking into account the Spartans and all, was not going to amount to much. Taking that into account, also the dramatic tone Snyder tries to create with Leonidas glancing over his people and all really misfires because there simply is no place for this kind of emotion (yet) because there has not yet been established any drama. So the messenger, who acts wooden, gets kicked into a pit I certainly wouldn't like to have in the middle of my village. Also, how he managed to get himself into the position of standing right in front of the well is baffling. So Leonidas's infamous 'This is Sparta' heralds the messenger's doom. Notice how for some reason Snyder found it necessary for Leonidas to in a way seek his wife's approval first. We get it, women are important to Spartans. You don't have to force this on us as well. As the guy falls into the pit in slow motion look at the messenger's lackeys. They just stand there, not even responding to what's happening. Not even in slow motion. No reflex, no instinctual turning of the head. Odd. Maybe the blue screen made it hard to act properly.
So then the scene ends and there's some terrible transition to Leonidas climbing up a hill. The shift of tone, color scheme and environment comes off as jarring to me.
So then we get an entire ordeal with these ugly guys of which I really don't get the use. I mean what does it add to the movie. Can't the Spartans just lure Xerxes into this trap without some kind of endorsement from unimportant and uninteresting ugly people? I don't get why this is in the movie at all. We could just cut it out and the movie would be just as good.
Then there's S e x. Because if we want to sell a movie then it's got to have sex. I guess it's only convenient that the relationship between men and women is so important to Spartans so that we can have a proper way to excuse this boring pornography.
So then we get a drawn out shot of the Spartans going to war. Snyder again loads this shot with all kinds of unnecessary emotion, among other things by again bringing Leonidas' wife into the frame.
They go to set up camp. No sleep for the king. Why not? How about using patrols so that they can all get some sleep? Even Spartans should get tired from sleep deprivation. I guess it's an effort to power Leonida's image.
So then this kid pops up and is allowed to move straight to the king. Let's suppose he had a knife with him. He could have injured Leonidas pretty easily. Probably wouldn't have killed him, but, you know, why take the risk? Why Leonidas then carries the kid around with him boggles my mind. There's so little that actually happens in this scene but it's all loaded with clutter as it meanders on and on.
They enter Persian territory and it's introduced by a lot of irrelevant bullshit about Poseidon and what not. Again an attempt to fortify Leonidas' image by showing how he remains calm amidst all of this chaos. Plenty of CGI shots at every turn that don't do anything for the plot.
This emphasis on style has to stop. It does not excuse a director from lacking in all other departments.
So I heard this thing about Zack Snyder liking to implement gay stuff and all and I kinda get where this is coming from because this Xerxes guy's depicted as having gay traits. Yeah let's be honest, this guy is supposed to be some kind of homosexual and it bothers me a lot. Not only because Snyder has to implement this in the movie, but mostly because Xerxes happens to be a sleasy, nasty, cowardish, lame, dishonest jackass with the word gay stamped all over THAT. Now I know people are going to take offense and say that by me raising this issue I'm just prolonging the entire thing and in turn, someone will take issue with that and it will be like where you kill a guy and then a detective comes and you kill the detective and then another detective comes and you have to kill that detective too and then a private investigator comes and... aaa! Is this madness? No, its the end of this review. But seriously Zack Snyder, knock it off. I've seen Watchmen, I saw what you did with the giant naked guy... Just knock it off man.