How do you spoil the spoiled?

Rating: 1/10 (23 March 2007)

Comic books used to cost a nickel so that little boys could afford to buy them with their allowance money and huddle around them in tree forts outside of which a sign hung proclaiming "NO GIRLS ALLOWED". So what happens when your all grown up and you still are captivated by the fantasies of Silver Surfer and Ghost Rider? That's when you start reading graphic novels.
I fully understand that this film was based on a graphic novel. I'm not too concerned with how well that translated to the movie screen because I probably don't want to watch a comic book for growned-ups for two freaking hours. At least I thought so until I saw Sin City. So I thought I'd give this one a shot.
What does concern me is that film is that the battle of Thermopylae was not a graphic novel. People actually died in that battle and in the following war. Lots of people. Some of which you could even call real life heroes. People who never saw their families again. Who never again filled their lungs with air, tasted, smelt, or touched anything ever again. Who's rotting maggot ridden corpses were left to fester under the fiery Greek sun. Who's eyes were consumed by ravens as sacrifice to blood Gods. These people at least deserve a courteous and respectful accurate recount of those few fateful days. I guess we no longer even respect stories of dead heroes. Instead we erect cold stone slabs to remember only names.
Maybe I'm being too graphic. Perhaps graphic novels aren't so appealing when the graphics portray gore that we know in our hearts is real. This is primarily why I despise this boring yet disturbing film. This is precisely the reason so many reviewers felt completely empty after watching it. It was engineered to be a baroque play. If the characters are scripted to be ghosts and the men are all chiseled Davids, then the audience begins deep down to believe that what they are watching is not real (I know it's not but let me finish). This subconscious realization allows your conscience to grant you a free pass, so that you can copulate in the violence and gore the back of your brain supplicates for. If it wasn't glossed up with the CGI and farcical characters then it may instead open the gates for a flood of bona fide emotions. One of these emotions could be repugnance. Then we might have a movie audience resembling a Pentecostal revival. Complete with shouting and flailing of extremities. This is something that movie producers consider a liability.
Now that I've covered the films ethical framework I'll start with the nit-picking. Some Greek historians recorded that the Spartans had gay sex with one another. That's right. It wasn't just the Athenians who were "boy-lovers". Many Greeks were just somehow inclined that way. I guess that was a little too graphic for Frank Miller. I'll admit it's too graphic for me too (being a bit homophobic myself). So An omission of this historic fact might have been a great idea. But to assert that the Spartans weren't practicing homosexuality is just imaginary.
Moving on. In the film King Leonidas must solo climb a crag of loose rock in his sandals to ask the oracle what she knows about the future of Sparta. HUH? How often does he do this? How is he still alive after all these years? I guess the oracle and the leprous dirty men at the top were transported there with some kind of Athenian pulley system. I suppose space aliens built the pillared structure they dwell in. How do they get food and water up there? Why are there enough mutated Spartan babies to necessitate a big eugenics landfill full of their skulls? I guess their water was contaminated with Uranium or something. Why are the Persians half Africanized? How did they transport the wild animals? Why is Xerxes so gay etc. If you read the other reviews you'll see these same questions over and over again. It could go on all day.
Lastly. Style is all about how you use it. In this film it was abused. Somewhat like the guy's 64' Impalla with the LaCucaracha horn and six inch wheels is abused. I got the feeling that the director filmed this debacle in black and white and then soaked the roll of film in some chemical mixture. Didn't seem too revolutionary to me.
I see the inverse of this film's IMDb rating as being proportional to this country's overall well-being.