outlandish, absurd, spectacular

Rating: 10/10 (9 March 2007)

I had the opportunity to see a midnight showing of 300 last night. When I think the classic (and stereotypical) testosterone-fueled, tough guy action movie characters of our generation, I think of Arnold Schwarzenegger and Jesse Ventura in Predator, the Colonial Marines from Aliens, Russell Crowe's Maximus in Gladiator, or Mel Gibson as William Wallace in Braveheart. The Spartans in this movie, especially King Leonidus, make them all look like boy scouts.
300 is to historical epics what Snakes on a Plane is to action-comedies. As you enter the theater, you'll need to check any expectations of realism at the door. Everything about this movie is completely, ridiculously over the top. The good guys, King Leonidas and his Spartans are tough, noble and almost stupidly brave. The bad guys, Xerxes and the Persians are nasty, evil, decadent and overwhelmingly numerous. Both sides are arrogant in the extreme, which sets a perfect tone for the conflict.
Early in the movie a Persian messenger comes to Leonidas asking for "earth and water" as a token of Sparta's submission to the Persian Empire. Leonidas ushers him to a large open well, telling him he'll find plenty of earth and water at the bottom just before kicking him in. Thusly provoked, the vast Persian army marches upon Sparta to force it's submission. Due to a religious holiday the corrupt Spartan mystics forbid open war with Persia, so Leonidas takes his 300 Spartans to "The Hot Gates", a small gap between the sea and mountains through which any army entering Sparta would need to pass. With only a narrow passage to defend, the Spartans have no risk of being surrounded or flanked, which makes the Persians' superior numbers much less of an advantage. Both in the movie and in the history books, this worked perfectly. The Spartans had their 300 as well as a few thousand other Greek conscripts. Most historians believe the Persian army consisted of something between 300,000 and a million troops. What is certain is that the Persians had what was, at the time, the largest army in history.
The battle scenes are an absolute spectacle. When the Spartans are in formation they really seem like they're a single, vicious machine chewing up Persians by about a dozen at a time. The fight choreography is extremely convincing, they look like they've been trained for this their whole lives. When they break formation and start fighting individual Persians, slow motion is briskly employed with each new opponent. A shot will start in normal speed with Leonidas or another Spartan run towards a Persian soldier, then suddenly the speed slows just as he lands a killing blow, giving the audience a lovingly focused look at the bloody blade cutting through them. This is all set to heavy electric guitar, which works better than you'd think.
The Persian soldiers include the throngs off identical foot soldiers sent at first, then Xerxes' elite guard, The Immortals, and several different types of warriors from all over Asia. They also brought along a rhino, a few elephants and a hulking inhuman berserker. There are scenes of Xerxes' failed generals being executed where we see the executioner is an obese, barely-human-looking thing, with his forearms removed and replaced with ax blades. Again, if you're wanting historical accuracy, look elsewhere. We're also treated to a scene in Xerxes' private tent, full of barely-dressed multi-ethnic courtesans who range from stunningly gorgeous to repulsively mutilated. Xerxes himself is an odd character, extremely tall and dressed in what looks like solid gold bondage gear. His clearly digitally-enhanced voice imposes both power and seduction as he tries to bribe Leonidus into surrendering.
During all of this there's a lot of political shuffling going on back in Sparta showing the debate of whether or not to send the entire army to fight the Persians or not. This results in some interesting scenes, but it pretty much serves as an occasional break for the audience. The battle scenes are the real point of this movie, even more so than most movies of this kind Shot almost entirely on green screen sets, little besides the actors is real at all. It's easy to forget as the digital environments look flawless. I can't remember ever seeing a film that used such lavish colors. Nearly every frame of the movie could be frozen and hung on a wall. Some frames could be hung in a gallery. I'll go ahead and predict several Academy Award nominations for art direction, costumes, makeup, Cinematography, etc. It's certainly not winning any awards for writing, acting, etc. but when a movie is this much fun, who cares?