silly, and ease up on the abs

Rating: 3/10 (25 August 2007)

As a fan of Gerard Butler, it pains me to say this movie was pretty silly. And derivative! Where do I start. The various weird creatures came from Lord of the Rings (and brought Faramir along with them). Gladiator - the lighting, the stop action, some of the music, and the scene in the wheat field at the end. I WAS happy to see Achilles' right hand man with the cool eyes from Troy repeat his role here as Leonidas' right hand man, but there's no missing that the scene where he gets killed is almost exactly like the scene in Excalibur where Arthur and Mordred kill each other.
As a chick, I thought I would love the amazing male bodies, but all those identical six packs and perfect legs marching along actually made me feel more like laughing. I guess the weird creatures and the political scenes were necessary to provide relief from what could have been a monotonous three days of killing, but the former were silly and the latter were boring. I was appalled when Leonidas' feisty wife instantly prostituted herself to get an army for her husband! Surely she would have known that would be the last thing he would want? Can we ever have a woman in a movie without lowering her to stripping or prostitution? I did love that thing Xerxes rode around in, and I liked his combination of feminine face with huge male body and amplified voice. But even the riding thing made me think of the god in Ghost Busters.
Other irritations: The too-long St. Crispin's Day speech at the end. The politician's slow clap, which made me want to kill myself. Somebody pass a law against the more-than-clichéd slow clap! Leonidas' wife actually saying "freedom isn't free" - modern speech is so joltingly anachronistic in movies based on history. And removing the whole context of the battle so that it became a hopeless fight against tyranny rather than the actual highly successful resistance that enabled the Greeks to actually defeat the Persians - why???! The success of the battle against overwhelmingly odds was the most awesome part of it, and the reason it has never been forgotten.
In the end, the only good thing was Gerard Butler, his sexiness and intensity, and his Scottish accent that reminds me of my lifelong crush, Sean Connery. I think I'd watch Butler in anything. Even this.