"That was not a good movie"

Rating: 3/10 (11 March 2007)

Those were the words my brother and I simultaneously blurted out when this film at long last drew to a close. I can't recall another instance in my movie-watching career where, lurking outside the theater afterward, I heard at least ten other people talk about what a horrible film they had just seen. So many elements of this film are just terrible, it's hard to know where to begin. The pompous, bombastic speechifying that plagues every scene? The silly, rock-infused Hans Zimmer-ripoff soundtrack? The profusion of Scottish accents in pre-Christian Greece? How about the one dimensional plot, which essentially comes to a grinding halt about 15 minutes in, never to progress again for the rest of its sad, tortured life. But I suppose the most frustrating thing about 300 is the fact that's it's not quite so bad that it's good again, a la Catwoman or Battlefield Earth. It's definitely in the ballpark, but ends up taking itself so seriously that you've nothing left to feel but hostility tempered by boredom. Let's say three stars: one for actually making a feature film (I mean, that must be hard, right?), one for the comic-book cinematography (not my personal fave, but they achieve what they set out to), and one bonus star for at least keeping it mercifully short: at under two hours, it will only ruin a small portion of your overall day.