Great visuals almost hide a a lack of story and connection to reality

Rating: 5/10 (3 September 2007)

Wildly historically inaccurate story of the battle of Thermopylae, I'll let other people pick on it for its tenuous connection to reality.
How is it as a movie? Its tough to say accurately. Bear with me this is hard to explain.
The film is for the most part hysterically funny with its over the top, over cooked dialog. Its a real scream, with every sentence a pronouncement, or seeming pronouncement of some grand sort or another. The performances are pretty much on par with the over done dialog, some of which is lifted from Frank Miller's graphic novel (which ultimately is just as laughable as this movie). The way things unfold are so...well actually at a certain point things stop unfolding and it just becomes a battle, an hour long battle with a rhino and some elephants and a monster out of a B-horror movie and a hunchback. None of it is connected to reality, but it looks good.
Yes this movie is pure eye candy. Almost every shot is visually stunning. There are shots which will be on posters for decades to come. Its certain to get technical Oscar noms-and probably wins- for photography and art direction. The visuals are the reason to see this film. Then again after about fifteen minutes of this eye candy overload you realize that there isn't much,if anything beyond it. Lets face it they've gutted the story and reduced it down to Spartans vs the Persians (with no real context as to the events) and made most characters likable cardboard cutouts, leaving you nothing to do but watch the pretty pictures. Its enjoyable, but pretty empty, like a a ride on the best looking amusement park ride you've ever seen- only its a minute long ride after a three hour wait, or finding out your date for the evening has the IQ of a gnat and is incapable of any sort of intelligent speech . Over and over, especially towards the end I had to keep asking, is that all there is? It is watchable. Its just not very satisfying (especially if you know the real story, which is oh so much more harrowing and heartbreaking).I saw it, great, can I see something else now?