End of the World? Fine, If It Means No More '2012's

Rating: 1/10 (28 June 2010)

It is no small accomplishment to film a movie about the end of the world and make absolutely all of it very, very boring. Hats off to '2012'. Like some others, I rented this for sheer kicks. I got kicked, all right. From John Cusack - apparently Hollywood's poster boy for divorced, cynical writers who come through at the end - desperately trying to stay afloat in absolutely horrific dialogue (yes, his ex takes a moment as the world is ripping apart to remind him that he had 'blocked' his family), to Woody Harrelson's awful acting as the crackpot who knows the truth - and you just know he's howling with glee at having been paid a lot of money to do this junk - to pseudo-scientific rationales that choose to utterly ignore how the erupting of Yellowstone alone would plunge the Earth into years of darkness, to insulting racial stereotypes like you would not believe, to the ultimate infuriation of the leads embracing in meaningful relationship babble as seconds remain to fix the ark before everybody's doomed...it's all one extravagant and unwatchable mess. And what's really astounding is how steadfastly boring the movie is. The world is shattering and you are begging for, maybe, one decent scene to come along. Or a quake to knock out your TV.