1500m high wave of puke - prepare for the impact.

Rating: 1/10 (20 December 2009)

Where to begin dissecting this pointless waste of film (calling it a movie would be an undeserved compliment)? I think I'll start with mutated neutrinos. Why not? One can never underestimate the danger of those. So, if you'll ever see a mutated neutrino somewhere around your neighborhood, please, call the police immediately.
No, wait. This doesn't explain anything. I need to find a different approach...
Ronald Emmerich – the script writer and director of 2012 – doesn't care for any of those petty and boring laws of physics he studied (or did he?) in school. Our poor old Earth has existed for 5 billion years only to be broken and CGI-reshaped at the whim of his mighty imagination. And you know what? It could be alright if Emmerich's imagination were actually half as mighty as his immense complacency.
His past works (e.g. The Day After Tomorrow) were – if not terribly original – at least somewhat plausible if you turned suspense-of-disbelief mode on and remembered that it's typical Hollywood after all. But now, elated by success, he has thrown away all pretense of verisimilitude. Now neutrino act as microwaves, hydraulics that lifts massive metal gates can be blocked by a finger-thick Chinese-made plastic cable, a small propeller-driven aircraft can fly in close proximity to an erupting super-volcano (just to clarify: a single VEI-8 eruption can plunge the Earth into a volcanic winter, so your puny H-bomb pales in comparison), mobile phones continue to function just fine even when all modern infrastructure is already annihilated, and GPS navigation systems aren't rendered useless by massive miles long shifts in the Earth's crust...
Such is the world of 2012. Its pieces are poorly and hastily brought together in a truly absurd, Frankenstein's manner. If Emmerich needs to justify another completely unbelievable plot twist, soapy "emotional" scene or meaningless CG destruction sequence, anything goes. And forgive me for leaving actors and their characters aside. I like Woody Harrelson, but even his brief appearance barely deserves mentioning. Others are just "reading a script", and when John Cusack actually utters these words, they sound almost like an excuse.
2.5 hours of incessant brain torture that will make the coming of Apocalypse your golden dream.