Atrocious

Rating: 1/10 (8 March 2016)

I was very excited about this film when it came out. Unfortunately, it didn't live up to the hype.
Normally, I like John Cusack and I think he's done great work, but this was just...in a word, awful.
I can get behind "check your brain at the door" films for the most part and can even suspend my inner skeptic when it comes to lack of realism in fiction, as long as it's done in a way that doesn't make me feel patronized. But, that's exactly what this film did.
The effects were good, I'll give it that, but that's pretty much the only thing it had going for it.
***Possible Spoilers***
I found the characters to be nauseatingly insipid with the notable exceptions of Danny Glover and Woody Harrelson. Unfortunately, they had very tiny roles in the film and were killed off fairly early. In all honesty, I found myself empathizing with the lowly extras who met their untimely demises more than I could empathize with any of the main characters.
They essentially gave John Cusack superhuman powers what with his apparently previously unknown ability as the World's Best Driver. Seriously, what was this guy doing chauffeuring around rich Russian boxers when he could have been starring in the Indy 500? The amount of times he and his family defied death throughout this film was insulting to anyone with a few brain cells to rub together. A close call, or two, I can get behind that, but this was just ridiculous.
The little girl was cute, but the boy was just annoyingly petulant through the first half of the movie and only slightly less annoying through the second half. Amanda Peet did an okay job, but her character struck me as enormously self-absorbed, begging the old Chinese woman to save her kids when she seemed to have little regard for the lives that were lost all around her. She also barely batted an eye when her boyfriend/husband lost his life in a heroic attempt to save her and her kids. In fact, they were all like that. The only times anyone showed any interest in someone besides themselves was when Danny Glover sacrificed his life while helping injured people and one, or two lines delivered by Chiwetel Ejiofor and Thandi Newton and that was when they were already safely aboard the Arc.
And can we stop with the broken up relationship and killing off the new love interest just so the main couple can get back together trope? Good grief.
If all that wasn't bad enough, the ending was so unbelievably insulting, I practically retched on my popcorn. John Cusack and his family survive the massive flood despite the odds and when it's all said and done, the survivors aboard the Arc watch the sunrise. There are no tears. No shock, or devastation as one would expect when nearly 7 billion lives are wiped off the face of the earth. No, they're freaking SMILING. Just one happy family again and the little girl doesn't even need Pull-Ups anymore! Yay. *gag* I literally wanted to smack every single one of them and demand my money back.