a recipe for disaster

Rating: 7/10 (13 November 2009)

Here is the recipe for the 2012 disaster as we now know it: Take one chunk of CHARIOTS OF THE GODS, add NOAH'S ARK, some SODOM AND GOMORRAH, mix with an EARTHQUAKE, a shake of TOWERING INFERNO, some AIRPORT '75 cockpit grunts, some KARKATOA boom-box and flying island chunks, a serve of Yellowstone level VOLCANO and DANTE'S PEAK antics, two tsunami sized POSEIDON rolls, a SAN FRANCISCO shake up of LA instead, no-Hanks everyman family glue repair, some TITANIC vessels and a hilariously sloshy LOST HORIZON sequence with teapot monks and a monster 'plane skidding along a glacier, add $200million mix in some Teutonic severity about humanity and - DING - cook in the CGI microwave. The result is the over-baked catastrophe laden mega biscuit called 2012. For those who don't drown in destruction and can last the 158 minute apocalypse of suburbia slipping like cakes into the sea, you will marvel at the inhumanity of it all as everything we have ever known gets pushed over. My favorite bit? The massive Aircraft Carrier the John F Kennedy being washed onto the White House as Washington is drowned. Everything gets smashed in this movie. Those who survive are far from the best available too. "What a mess" might be the most appropriate reaction, as you brush the chewed popcorn from yourself as you stand to run from the cinema. The CGI destruction is too real for it's own good and would certainly give pre-teens horror nightmares.