Really Big "Disaster" Movie

Rating: 3/10 (19 March 2010)

Roland Emmerich clearly has a fascination with disaster movies. They make up a hefty chunk of his repertoire. "2012" is easily his most ambitious big-budget, large-scale disaster film yet. It may also be his worst. As is the case with most films nowadays, story, character, and just about all of the other ingredients vital to a good film take the back seat, making way for implausible scenarios that allow for maximum use of CGI. Needless to say, the graphics were top-notch. But as for the actual meat of the film, well...
Perhaps the biggest disaster in this film was the story itself. It goes something like this: an unexplained increase of neutrino emissions from the sun is steadily cooking the earth from the inside out. As the earth's crust destabilizes, government agents from all corners of the globe must work to keep the whole situation a secret from the public while they move to protect the human race from extinction.
The film is appallingly predictable from the get-go. Our star, John Cusack, plays an author who has separated from his wife: a detail that not only has no real bearing in the film, but, after having been done so many times already, is also obnoxiously predictable. While on a "family outing" to Yellowstone with his two annoying kids, he meets up with a wacko (Woody Harrelson), who believes the world is about to end. Of course, Mr. Wacko is exactly right, and John Cusack must race to save his family as the entire state of California slowly crumbles into the sea. The computer-generated devastation that follows is so mind-blowing that this viewer quickly realized the entire film was made just for this one scene.
The remainder of the story becomes steadily less interesting, as the film's "plot" comes to bear even less resemblance to an actual "plot." Roland Emmerich manages to rip off just about every disaster film I can think of, including "When Worlds Collide," "Earthquake," "The Poseidon Adventure," "Titanic," and even Emmerich's own "The Day After Tomorrow." The film is clearly a vehicle for extravagant CGI, as every other scene involves a ridiculous and predictable escape from yet another collapsing city.
Character development is left wanting, as I expected. John Cusack and Chiwetel Ejiofor were likable, but they were the only ones who were. I found Cusack's ex-wife incredibly annoying and really wanted someone to slap his kids every time they shot him that oh-so-typical snotty look. His ex-wife's new boyfriend isn't much better. Mr. Wacko is kind of fun, for the short time he's on screen. The Russian boxer/billionaire and the president (Danny Glover) were okay. None of the others really stand out enough to comment on.
The film doesn't lack suspense, though. Oddly, even though I knew the hero would triumph, there were a few scenes that had me hooked. A few of the main characters (to avoid spoilers, I won't say who) die in the end, which did actually surprise me. But in between this, you get pointless scenes to fill in the gaps, which are supposed to develop the characters but will really just put you to sleep.
"2012" is big, predictable, and disastrous in more ways than one. When it was over, I was actually a bit disappointed that Cusack didn't die. If he had, at least I'd have felt something actually happened.
Thank goodness for Netflix. I'd never want to pay good money to see this "disaster" in the theater.