Up next on Fox... When CGI Buildings Colapse!

Rating: 5/10 (16 November 2009)

Remember the episode of The Simpsons many moons ago where Lisa was distraught to see Homer and Bart finding a show called "When Buildings Collapse" the absolute height of entertainment? A show which simply consisted of buildings, well, collapsing. Well it seems like they would be the ideal audience for 2012, a film which features a lot of stuff falling apart seemingly randomly and without much greater significance or dramatic weight. Then again, even Homer's attention might start to drift during this one, not only during the many sappy dramatic interludes but also by the time the film gets to the 100th CGI object falling apart, it would probably occur even to him that it's not that exciting because it's just being done with a computer which could conjure up 100 times more interesting images.
The appeal of many stunts is knowing, at least subconsciously, that what we are seeing was done "for real", even with whatever safety precautions were put in place and whatever touching-up was added in post production. What exactly is the appeal of watching a CGI ship sink in and of itself? Such a scene needs at least a modicum of suspense to work, something Emmerich seems entirely unable to muster. Either that or we need to care about the characters, and with this overstuffed cast of stock figures there's not much chance of that happening with most of them. One or two such scenes might manage to entertain, but 158 minutes stuffed with them palls fairly quickly.
Still, I will give 2012 a little credit. It's not as obnoxious as Independence Day (i.e. there's no Will Smith punching an alien), nor as dull and melodramatic as The Day After Tomorrow. There are even a couple of set-pieces in this movie which are genuinely exciting stuff. Not surprisingly these are a) two of the earliest set-pieces and b) with the best developed characters in the film. This shows hints of a better movie. I think a focus on one family's attempts to escape the end of the world (as in Spielberg's unfairly maligned War of the Worlds adaptation, from which this film's paternal theme seems "inspired" by) would provide a far stronger and more involving basis for a movie than 2012's attempt to paint a bigger but shallow picture.
And what is it with Emmerich and dogs?
I'll let Homer have the final words..."My favourite part was when the buildings collapsed!"