Abso-frickin-lutely LUDICROUS

Rating: 5/10 (4 May 2010)

How many times has Roland Emmerich destroyed the Earth now? The man behind "Independence Day" and "The Day After Tomorrow" puts the final nail in the modern-day disaster-movie wave with his latest epic, "2012," in which our beloved planet is destroyed in yet another series of fiery cataclysms sparked by a dreaded planetary alignment that occurs every 600,000 years or so. The earth's core heats up (?), causing shifts in the tectonic plates upon which our continents stand, huge earthquakes occur, tidal waves destroy entire countries, and a whole lotta people die. Caught in the middle of the chaos is John Cusack, an unsuccessful writer who's now stuck in a dead end job as a limo driver for an unlikable Russian billionaire and his two snotty kids. Desperate to save his own estranged children and his ex-wife from the apocalypse after getting the "straight scoop" during a chance meeting with a crazed talk-radio host (Woody Harrelson) at Yellowstone Park, Cusack barely has time to throw them all in his car before the proverbial poop hits the fan. From then on, increasingly ridiculous narrow escapes from certain destruction are the order of the day as the group globe-hops its way to China, where the proverbial "two percent" of humanity (i.e. the rich and powerful) have secretly set up a group of giant "ark" ships that will allow them to ride out the disaster and thus repopulate the Earth when it's over. If you're thinking "sounds ridiculous" by now, you're not alone. I'm not sure how scientifically accurate any of this action is (if I had to take a wild guess I'd say "not very"), and I'll admit that it's fun to watch various world landmarks get vaporized for a while (the special effects are excellent) but by about the halfway point the spectacle of "2012" simply becomes overkill. The performances by Cusack, Amanda Peet (as his ex-wife), Thandie Newton (as the First Daughter) and Danny Glover (as the President) are about as good as you'd expect from a movie such as this, in other words, there's not a lot of real "acting" required except to gape open mouthed in shock as yet another ridiculous scene of destruction unfolds. Maybe if the script had more going on than the usual assortment of disaster movie clichés, we might care more about the cast of characters.
"2012" starts out as a fun, mindless popcorn movie that unfortunately gets bogged down in its own sense of self-importance the longer it goes on. It's got tons of talent and plenty of pretty special effects, but not an ounce of soul.