The First "Critically Acclaimed" Film I Didn't Like

Rating: 7/10 (25 June 2011)

As a piece of art, 2001: A Space Odyssey could well be considered a masterpiece. The film was certainly ahead of its time in regards to special effects, and I must admit, I was initially impressed by the space sequences and the various other pre-CGI special effects. The main theme (Also Sprach Zarathustra) is amazing too.
But for me to truly enjoy a film, I need to feel connected to it somehow, whether it be intellectually or emotionally. 2001 almost lost me in the first 3 minutes. Literally. The film opens with 171 seconds of pure darkness, a blank screen, with a mere droning sound in the background. I thought my DVD player had broken. What a way to start a movie; panicking about the fact your DVD player may be broken.
Then the film starts, and the opening titles were great. Also Sprach Zarathustra sounded amazing, and I was excited. Cut to 5 minutes later, and I was watching monkeys yelling at each other. Coincidentally, I found myself yelling too. At my screen.
The pain doesn't stop there, as I was then treated to an additional 2 whole hours of repetitive, tedious outer-space docking sequences, bland dialogue, stiff acting, an almost complete lack of emotion, essentially no cohesive narrative, and a vague and ultimately unsatisfying conclusion.
Throughout the entire film, I was just waiting for a moment of engagement. I was waiting for that moment where I became engrossed in a rich, unique science fiction experience; the moment where my eyes opened and I realized the sheer genius of Kubrick's "master-piece."
That moment never came, and I was so over-whelmed in disappointment at the film's conclusion that I broke down in tears. I'm not even kidding.
I wept, sobbed, and cried. I'd wasted 130 minutes of my life watching a tedious, pretentious science fiction film. I'd gained nothing from the experience, yet I had tried so hard to get into it and enjoy it. Above all, I felt ashamed.
You know, maybe I don't "understand" 2001. Maybe those lovers of film who hold their noses up the highest will look down on me and sneer, and tell me that I'm shallow, that I'm not willing to watch something without gratuitous sex and violence. They'd tell me that I shouldn't go sticking my down-turned nose into such a "high-class" film like 2001, and that I should stick to the Transformers movies. To which I'd reply, "but Stanley Kubrick was my favorite director prior to watching this film."
Which is true, by the way. A Clockwork Orange may be one of my all time favorites. Both The Shining and Dr Strangelove are near masterpieces in my eyes, and I also thought Full Metal Jacket was great too.
But alas, 2001: A Space Odyssey just didn't do it for me. Perhaps it was the fact that I found it too slow, too abstract, or perhaps it wasn't quite what I was expecting. Still, the film is not entirely worthless in my eyes. It did contain a number of special effects that I found to look impressive even in this CGI-infested day and age, and the film does also feature some interesting music and imagery. Other than that, though, I couldn't find it in me to like any other aspect of this film.
It was the first film I've ever viewed that truly made me break down into tears, although not in the way that I perhaps had hoped.
1.5 STARS OUT OF 5.