The worst movie I've seen.

Rating: 7/10 (19 October 2002)

First off, I realize this might have been HUGE way back in 1968, but why say "2001"? Why not make it timeless or something? Come on, H.G. Wells was smart enough to set Time Machine further into the future than 24 years later. Other than that, it was way too slow. I ended up fast forwarding it, going two times the usual speed to read the subtitles, though there turned out to be not very much talking. The astronauts even walked in baby steps. Here is my summary of this movie:
*MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS*
We watch half an hour of gorrilas screeching. Then they find a black slab, which leads to more screeching and they take twenty minutes to realize that they can kill. Then we go to space, where we watch spaceships move around very very slowly, so that we know that this is exactly what the future will be like -- whoops, not quite. The people find another black thing on the moon. Then randomly, we see some people on a spaceship that is en route to Jupiter. Alright, whatever. HAL, which consists of red camera lenses planted around the ship, kills everyone except for one person. This one person unplugs HAL, which makes a TV tell him that the black rock on the moon is sending radio beams to Jupiter. The directors put in an intermission to make things go slower.
Then we see a black rock float in the solar system, then we see about half an hour of the survivor go through a tunnel of light, and we discover Jupiter is just South Utah, tinted different colors. The survivor lands in a white room. He's older, maybe now he's fifty? Then he sees a seventy year old eating at the table. The seventy year old looks back, the fifty year old is gone. Then he looks at the bed, and there is a horribly old old man there, who looks at the table. He sees a black rock, which turns him into a fetus. The fetus looks at Earth.
All of this is about two hours.
*END SPOILERS*