"You can't have an air raid without bombs!"

Rating: 5/10 (14 September 2005)

Ah yes, the infamous Steven Spielberg "flop" that chronicled the antics, shenanigans and misadventures of crazed Californians following the Pearl Harbor attack. What can I say - it is a noble failure, a well meaning attempt to make fun of both the 1940s films and World War II films in general with their America #1 and contrived romances. Perhaps, if a more comically inclined director like Robert Zemeckis (who coined the story with Bob Gale) or John Landis (who appears as the dirt covered motorcycle corporal) had been at the helm it might have worked. As it is, the film has a brilliant idea but it never quite takes off.
It does not have so much a central plot but is more a series of subplots loosely strung together. They are in no particular order -
1) The Japanese sub commanded by the late great Japanese film legend Toshiro "The Wolf" Mifune, off the coast of California looking for something "honorable" to destroy, with Christopher Lee by his side as a German general. When the Japanese get stuck interrogating Slim Pickens (the mad bomb riding pilot in "Dr. Strangelove") in the most unpleasant manner, Mifune grumbles "This has not been honorable..."
2) Crusty Maj. General Joseph W. Stilwell (Robert Stack, who, in make up/glasses/uniform, actually does bear an uncanny resemblance to the real General Stilwell) tries to keep the people of California calm while trying to put time aside to kick back and watch Dumbo, which brings him to tears.
3) A wild, drunken, comically intense/volatile, sloppy man child pilot known as Wild Bill Kelso (John Belushi) flies all over the place looking for enemy fighter pilots to down. These kind of sloppy man children were typical canon of Belushi, and in particular this one is very similar to his Bluto character from "Animal House" (again, Jake Blues was his best role).
4) General Stilwell's aid, Captain Loomis Birkhead (Tim Matheson, basically reprising his Otter character from "Animal House"), a tall, dark, stereotypically oversexed pretty boy and failed fighter pilot, spends the majority of the film comically pursuing General Stilwell's beautiful young secretary, the nicely round, shapely Donna Stratton (Nancy Allen, in a role far removed from the hooker of "Dressed to Kill" and the rough and tumble policewoman Anne Lewis in "Robocop"). The only problem aside from Donna's apprehensions of Loomis, is that she can't get aroused unless she's in a high flying airplane.
5) Downtrodden minority and would be Hispanic Zoot Suiter Wally Stephens (Bobby De Cicco) battles the evil, lecherous, egg hating Cpl. Chuck 'Stretch' Sitarski (a much younger Treat Williams) for his one true love Betty Douglas (Dianne Kay).
6) Sgt. Frank Tree (Dan Aykroyd) and his not so howling commandos move into Betty Douglas's home, much to the chagrin of her mother Joan (Lorraine Gary), but her dad Ward (Ned Beatty) is more than willing to assist. Among Frank's troops is the late John Candy. Frank is very fond of saying "If there's one thing I can't stand, it's Americans fighting Americans." Seriously, if it weren't for Dan Aykroyd's delivery, the line wouldn't work nearly as well.
Over the course of the film, Wally and 'Stretch' fight each other for Betty at an inner city dance, which leads to a brawl among marines, sailors, etc (based on the real life 1940s riots between visiting soldiers and local Hispanic Zoot Suitors - proof that when you put white authoritarian soldiers in the same room with minorities you're asking for trouble). Loomis manages to get Donna in an airplane, which transforms her into a walking, 5'6" orgasm, but their airborne tryst is interrupted by Wild Bill Kelso, who mistakes them for the enemy. Frank gets bonked on the head and suffers shell shock, leaving Wally - who's not even an enlisted man - in charge of his team. Toshiro Mifune throws Christopher Lee overboard and orders his men to destroy a beach side amusement park. Chaos, mayhem, and lots of property damage ensues.
Some of this is very funny, some of it is just overkill. Perhaps if things like Slim Pickens character and the guys on the ferris wheel with the dummy had been left on the cutting room floor it might have been more fun. But it's not completely uninteresting. There's is a funny opening the strapping blonde skinny dipper from Spielberg's "Jaws" clinging in a rather phallic manner to the Japanese sub periscope.
Nancy Allen and Dianne Kay are great eye candy - and Nancy's airplane orgasm is pretty funny.
"What's wrong?! You're not air born yet!"
"What are you talking about?! Look out the window, of course we're air born!"
"We are, but... *you're* not." - Nancy Allen and Tim Matheson.