A high end tromp through familiar tropes

Rating: 2/10 (31 December 2019)

Never have the trenches of World War One been so tidy -- never have the ruined walls and arches that surround them been so picturesquely arranged -- never have the fingernails of the soldiers been so clean, their teeth so straight and white, their hair so artfully mussed. Even the rats looked like extras who had wandered in from a live action remake of Ratatouille. Did the filmmakers not see Peter Jackson's They Shall Not Grow Old? About fifteen minutes in my wife and I knew with a certainty that one of the handsome chaps would not go the distance, and once the remaining handsome chap was on his own we knew with an even greater certainty that he would meet a cowering French peasant girl in a barn or cellar, and that she would be clutching an infant while shells exploded overhead, and sure enough, about forty minutes later, there she was, fresh from having her tumbling golden curls blown out at a good salon. We relished the interiors of the buildings in the ruined town, where patches of brick showed through the plaster walls with all the gritty realism of the decor of a 1950's Italian restaurant in Newark. And to yank us out of the movie right when we might have been giving over to it in spite of ourselves, cameos by Patrick Melrose and Robb Stark! Gorgeous technical work by Roger Deakins and team gets this a couple of stars. On Oscar night that will be the wife and me me rolling my eyes when this wins best picture.