Insufferable tripe

Rating: 1/10 (14 March 2020)

Spoiler alert but maybe I can save you some time you will never get back. My girlfriend and I really wanted to like this movie and were excited because of the great reviews. For starters, it drastically under represents the vastness of WW1 when the characters keep arriving at their destinations so quickly. Our eventual main character gets a bad cut holding barbed wire at the barb... really? Ok... things happen I guess. A rat almost kills them...sure, why not? Save a German from a horrific flaming death, then leave him unguarded and unrestrained? Doesn't seem logical during war but at least we are minus 1 character I didn't care at all about. A company of soldiers just appears in the no man's land that they have been fighting for every inch up to... hmmm, ok. The guy (name?) is onto a truck then travels about a mile to the burned out city (maybe 2 miles total travel at this point). He miraculously kills a sniper, then when a German in plain sight and in open ground fires at him, a trained combat soldier in a war zone, he runs away. Our courageous combatant, seeking a hiding spot, meets a girl and baby and he suddenly has loads of food that he didn't have before and milk he fortuitously filled his canteen with, never mind that there's no way to give it to the baby or that it wouldn't last but a feeding or 2... the baby is saved. Back out to the city where he happens upon upon a young German soldier and puts his hand over his mouth... gee, that didn't work so he somehow strangles him then heroically drops his weapon and runs away from another German who's so drunk he can barely stand up. Our weaponless warrior then bravely runs through enemy fire where he jumps into river rapids and "escapes". I'm about ready to leave the theater but Iv'e invested time, I'm trying to see it through. A couple hundred yards or so and he finds the troop he was looking for listening to some guy sing a boring song that we are forced to sit through as well... yawn, falling asleep. Some other stuff happens, not paying much attention at this point. Another hundred yards maybe and he arrives at the front lines where he is to stop the battle. He makes it to a commander as the troops are leaving the trenches to get slaughtered and the commander, like a true badass who commands young men during wartime, is crying like a baby. That's it, I throw up my arms and leave the theater to wait for my girlfriend outside. She said I didn't miss anything. I should have walked out early like I did when Forest started running in that other academy award winning piece of garbage. On a positive note, I thought the costumes were great and I hope they won the academy award for it but the academy awards are irrelevant now anyway, since they just pander to the wokest offal; so actually... whatever.