"Relax," said the Nightman, "we are programmed to receive..."

Rating: 5/10 (2 July 2007)

"... you can check out anytime you like, but you can never leave!"
This movie might have been better had it ripped off more of that song. That's not to say that all of "1408" was a farce on "Hotel California": this was an original Stephen King story, after all, and there was no pink champagne on ice (rather a bottle of whisky)... and there were a lot less plot holes in the song. But in any case, if you substitute "Nightman" for "Creepy Voice on the Phone", you might end up with the basic plot of "1408".
You can read the basic plot of the story anywhere: angsty, moody writer Mike Enslin (our fabulously miscasted John Cusack) forces the manager of the Dolphin Hotel (our fabulously casted Samuel L. Jackson) to rent him a "haunted" hotel room. The only way this story differs from any other predictable haunted-hotel-room tale is in the way backstory is used: we get to know a lot about Enslin and how he became obsessed with the occult, ghosts, and hauntings, more than in the original Stephen King story.
However, the movie's fatal weaknesses are in (a) the main character himself, (b) gaping plot holes in the story, and (c) the fake plot twist halfway through.
Mike Enslin might be a fairly engaging character to some--he's funny, intelligent, and cynical. But a few scenes, in particular, were heartwrenchingly beautiful, and we come to feel very deeply for the star of this horror flick in a way that is just fundamentally unfitting, and the worst part is that this feeling ends up being thrown out by the end. There's no denying that Cusack is a great actor: but it totally broke the pace of the movie to have a heart-wrenching memory scene of Enslin's dying daughter Katy, right in between an earthquake and a flood. It simply didn't fit, particularly when, ten minutes later, Enslin lies under a sofa and started maniacally laughing.
Now, take "Identity", a 2003 horror film in which Cusack starred. His main character there was extraordinarily sympathetic, but that empathy didn't clash with the plot and action in the way this one did.
The crucial problem was this movie had as many plot holes as Pennsylvania has deer, not to put too fine a point on it, and THAT was where the heart-wrenching just didn't work. No one survives more than an hour in the room, and yes, the clock does begin a countdown from sixty minutes--but not until Enslin has gone over the room with a fine-tooth comb and a UV lamp, and an electrician has fixed the thermostat. Sure, no electronics work in 1408--except Enslin's computer, which somehow manages to pick up wireless even when the rest of the building somehow disappears. Yes, the room is playing with Enslin's psyche and bringing his daughter into the mess--but then why drag in the one extremely short and pointless scene with his father? And though Jackson's line of "That is one evil f#@%!ng room," might suffice for Enslin and for most moviegoers, I would have been pretty happy to find out just what is ACTUALLY going on in 1408.
I won't spoil the ending action, or even the stupidest fake plot twist to ever fakely twist a plot--go somewhere else in the movie comments for that. And I'm not going to lie: I really did like this movie as a noncommittal horror film, and I even enjoyed those heart-wrenching scenes between Enslin and Katy. (I can only hope they show up again in another Cusack film in the future.) But ultimately, the elements of fine acting and crappy horror just didn't mix well, and it really just became a noncommittal horror film, with no potential, and hopefully (oh God, please) no sequels.
Besides, all that kept running through my head were the words to "Hotel California." "Last thing I remember, I was running for the door... I had to find the passage back to the place that I was before..."