1 00:00:00,750 --> 00:00:03,820 Now, tonight I want to preach about the subject of loyalty. 2 00:00:03,820 --> 00:00:09,300 Now, loyalty is not a word that's used in the Bible, but the Bible does use the word 3 00:00:09,300 --> 00:00:13,690 faithfulness over a hundred times, and if you look up the word loyalty in a dictionary, 4 00:00:13,690 --> 00:00:19,680 the dictionary I used had three definitions for loyalty and they all included the word 5 00:00:19,680 --> 00:00:21,320 faithfulness in the definition. 6 00:00:21,320 --> 00:00:22,860 I looked up loyal in the dictionary. 7 00:00:22,859 --> 00:00:29,249 It said, number one: The state or quality of being loyal; faithfulness to commitment 8 00:00:29,250 --> 00:00:31,190 or obligations, is loyalty. 9 00:00:31,190 --> 00:00:32,820 Faithful to commitments or obligations. 10 00:00:32,820 --> 00:00:38,340 Number two, it said: Faithful adherence to a sovereign government, leader, cause, et 11 00:00:38,340 --> 00:00:43,020 cetera; and Number three: An example or instance of faithfulness, adherence, or the like. 12 00:00:43,020 --> 00:00:46,610 The reason I use the word loyal is that faithfulness has a lot of definitions. 13 00:00:46,610 --> 00:00:52,860 It means a few different things, whereas loyalty is a little bit more of a specific word that 14 00:00:52,860 --> 00:00:56,060 kind of narrows down exactly what we're talking about. 15 00:00:56,060 --> 00:01:01,640 I want to preach about the fact that we must be loyal to certain people in our lives and 16 00:01:01,640 --> 00:01:03,330 in a certain order of priority. 17 00:01:03,329 --> 00:01:07,729 Now, first of all, it should go without saying, go to Matthew, Chapter Ten, that the number 18 00:01:07,729 --> 00:01:13,009 one loyalty we should have in our lives is our loyalty to Jesus Christ. 19 00:01:13,010 --> 00:01:18,700 If you look up that word faithful in the Bible, and you look at the scriptures that are admonishing 20 00:01:18,700 --> 00:01:23,980 us to be faithful, most of them are telling us to be faithful to the Lord and be faithful 21 00:01:23,979 --> 00:01:28,119 to Jesus Christ, because obviously that should be our number one loyalty. 22 00:01:28,119 --> 00:01:34,239 Matthew, Chapter Ten, Verse Thirty-Seven reads: "He that loveth father or mother more than 23 00:01:34,240 --> 00:01:40,980 me, is not worthy of me and he that loveth son or daughter more than me, is not worthy 24 00:01:40,979 --> 00:01:47,169 of me and he that taketh not his cross and followeth after me is not worthy of me." 25 00:01:47,170 --> 00:01:52,050 In this scripture we see that some of our dearest relationships - our parents, and our 26 00:01:52,049 --> 00:01:57,629 children - should not be closer to us than our relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ. 27 00:01:57,630 --> 00:02:00,260 We can't love them more than we love Jesus Christ. 28 00:02:00,259 --> 00:02:03,839 Our number one loyalty is to the Lord Jesus Christ. 29 00:02:03,840 --> 00:02:05,500 Go to First Samuel, Chapter Two. 30 00:02:05,500 --> 00:02:09,630 This is one that we looked at last Sunday in a different sermon, a different context. 31 00:02:09,630 --> 00:02:11,610 First Samuel, Chapter number Two. 32 00:02:11,610 --> 00:02:14,910 While you're turning there, I'll read to you from Mark Ten-Twenty-Nine, where the Bible 33 00:02:14,910 --> 00:02:19,750 reads: "And Jesus answered and said, 'verily I say unto you, there is no man that had left 34 00:02:19,750 --> 00:02:25,250 house or brethren or sisters or father or mother or wife or children or lands, for my 35 00:02:25,250 --> 00:02:30,060 sake and the gospel's, but he shall receive a hundredfold now in this time houses and 36 00:02:30,060 --> 00:02:34,930 brethren and sisters and mothers and children and lands with persecutions and in the world 37 00:02:34,930 --> 00:02:36,310 to come, eternal life.'" 38 00:02:36,310 --> 00:02:42,290 Again, God is telling us that there's a time when you have to choose God over family. 39 00:02:42,290 --> 00:02:43,900 You have to choose God over your friends. 40 00:02:43,900 --> 00:02:46,910 You have to choose God over houses or lands. 41 00:02:46,910 --> 00:02:51,100 You have to choose God over a spouse, over parents, over children. 42 00:02:51,099 --> 00:02:55,059 Jesus Christ must hold the number one place in our lives. 43 00:02:55,060 --> 00:02:59,850 In all things he must have the preeminence and we should never be more loyal to anyone 44 00:02:59,849 --> 00:03:03,439 or anything than we are loyal to the Lord Jesus Christ. 45 00:03:03,440 --> 00:03:08,530 First Samuel Two-Twenty-Nine, this is where Eli is being rebuked and it says in Verse 46 00:03:08,530 --> 00:03:13,060 Twenty-Nine: "Wherefore kick ye at my sacrifice and at mine offering, which I have commanded 47 00:03:13,060 --> 00:03:19,720 in my habitation, and honors thy sons above me, to make yourselves fat with the chiefest 48 00:03:19,720 --> 00:03:21,800 of all the offerings of Israel, my people." 49 00:03:21,800 --> 00:03:28,150 This is a case of someone putting their children above the Lord and being more loyal to children 50 00:03:28,150 --> 00:03:29,150 than the Lord. 51 00:03:29,150 --> 00:03:32,910 Another example of this that would be a positive example, is First Kings Fifteen. 52 00:03:32,909 --> 00:03:33,909 Flip over there. 53 00:03:33,909 --> 00:03:35,779 First Kings, Chapter Fifteen. 54 00:03:35,780 --> 00:03:38,560 Now should be loyal to our parents? 55 00:03:38,560 --> 00:03:39,560 Absolutely. 56 00:03:39,560 --> 00:03:43,730 The Bible teaches, for example, in the Ten Commandments: "Honor they father and thy mother, 57 00:03:43,730 --> 00:03:47,570 that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord they God giveth thee." 58 00:03:47,569 --> 00:03:51,949 Then Ephesians Six in the New Testament says, "Honor they father and mother, which is the 59 00:03:51,950 --> 00:03:56,380 first commandment with promise that it may be well with thee and that thou mayest live 60 00:03:56,380 --> 00:03:57,690 long on the earth." 61 00:03:57,689 --> 00:04:02,859 Proverbs Twenty-Three-Twenty-Two tells us: "Hearken under thy father that begat thee 62 00:04:02,860 --> 00:04:06,220 and despise not thy mother when she is old." 63 00:04:06,220 --> 00:04:11,970 Should we be loyal to our parents in the sense that we love them, honor them and when they 64 00:04:11,970 --> 00:04:13,990 get old, take care of them? 65 00:04:13,989 --> 00:04:14,989 Absolutely. 66 00:04:14,989 --> 00:04:18,459 He says, "Look, don't despise your mother when she's old. 67 00:04:18,459 --> 00:04:19,939 Honor your father and mother." 68 00:04:19,940 --> 00:04:23,930 First Timothy Five teaches that, I'll read it for you, you don't have to turn there, 69 00:04:23,930 --> 00:04:30,110 but Verse Three: "Honor widows that are widows indeed, but if any widow have children or 70 00:04:30,110 --> 00:04:37,220 nephews, let them learn first to show piety at home and to requite their parents, for 71 00:04:37,220 --> 00:04:40,280 that is good and acceptable before God." 72 00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:41,750 What's the Bible saying? 73 00:04:41,750 --> 00:04:46,740 Your mother is a widow and she's old and needs to be taken care of, it is your job as the 74 00:04:46,740 --> 00:04:54,320 child or the nephew to take care of your destitute mother because we should not forsake our parents 75 00:04:54,320 --> 00:04:56,010 and have no loyalty to them. 76 00:04:56,010 --> 00:04:57,770 No, we should have loyalty to our parents. 77 00:04:57,770 --> 00:04:58,770 The Bible teaches that. 78 00:04:58,770 --> 00:05:03,270 It says in First Timothy Five-Sixteen: "If any man or woman that believeth have widows, 79 00:05:03,270 --> 00:05:08,020 let them relieve them and let not the church be charged that it may relieve them that are 80 00:05:08,020 --> 00:05:09,350 widows indeed." 81 00:05:09,350 --> 00:05:13,440 God teaches that we should honor our parents and when the Bible uses the word honor it 82 00:05:13,440 --> 00:05:17,230 has to do with providing for their needs and it's talking about financially. 83 00:05:17,229 --> 00:05:21,549 That's what the word honor often means in the Bible. 84 00:05:21,550 --> 00:05:27,940 Just if you study the English word honor and the origins of it, for example, the old English 85 00:05:27,940 --> 00:05:32,890 word, if you go back to old English, like a thousand years ago, the word was [árweorðung 86 00:05:32,889 --> 00:05:39,829 00:05:34] and it meant, not only honor in the sense of giving someone respect, but it 87 00:05:39,830 --> 00:05:45,650 also meant that you were actually paying tribute to a king in a financial way. 88 00:05:45,650 --> 00:05:52,210 Because old English was spoken by the sea-faring people around England and so forth, and so 89 00:05:52,210 --> 00:05:56,550 a lot of them were conquered by the Vikings and so forth, and they had to pay [árweorðung 90 00:05:56,550 --> 00:06:00,320 00:05:56] or they had to pay honor to these kings. 91 00:06:00,319 --> 00:06:05,119 Now it makes sense that those two definitions would kind of merge together in the word honor, 92 00:06:05,120 --> 00:06:08,590 because if you're honoring a king, what do you honor him with? 93 00:06:08,590 --> 00:06:13,430 You honor him with gold and gifts, and so forth. 94 00:06:13,430 --> 00:06:20,440 When the Bible says to honor your father and mother, it's often tied in with taking care 95 00:06:20,440 --> 00:06:23,440 of them financially when they're old. 96 00:06:23,440 --> 00:06:27,780 Like, for example, the Bible said that Jesus was disputing with the Pharisees in Matthew 97 00:06:27,780 --> 00:06:33,260 Fifteen and he told them, "Hey, the scripture says honor they father and mother, but your 98 00:06:33,260 --> 00:06:41,640 tradition is saying any man that says corban, that is to say it is a gift, concerning whatsoever 99 00:06:41,639 --> 00:06:48,059 thou mightest be profited by me, and it says you don't suffer him to do ought for his mother 100 00:06:48,060 --> 00:06:51,540 and father, you're making the word of God of no effect when it says honor they father 101 00:06:51,539 --> 00:06:52,539 and mother." 102 00:06:52,539 --> 00:06:57,789 Honor thy father and mother isn't just saying honor them like respect them or treat them 103 00:06:57,789 --> 00:06:58,789 well. 104 00:06:58,789 --> 00:07:04,979 It does mean that also, but it also contains the meaning of paying for their needs when 105 00:07:04,979 --> 00:07:08,769 they become old and need that if they don't have any money. 106 00:07:08,770 --> 00:07:13,480 That used to be the retirement plan by the way, before social security was instituted 107 00:07:13,480 --> 00:07:18,850 in the 1930s, parents were taken care of by their children when they were old. 108 00:07:18,849 --> 00:07:20,979 Children and grandchildren would chip in and take care of their parents. 109 00:07:20,980 --> 00:07:24,800 That's what the Bible commands, and I could do a whole sermon where I go over that, but 110 00:07:24,800 --> 00:07:30,550 there's a lot of scripture about honoring your parents, loving your parents, taking 111 00:07:30,550 --> 00:07:36,240 care of them, not despising them when they're old, not forsaking them. 112 00:07:36,240 --> 00:07:41,520 Loyalty to your parents is important, but loyalty to Jesus Christ has to trump loyalty 113 00:07:41,520 --> 00:07:42,850 to parents. 114 00:07:42,849 --> 00:07:44,649 That's your number one loyalty. 115 00:07:44,650 --> 00:07:48,290 Look if you would at this story of a guy who understood that. 116 00:07:48,289 --> 00:07:49,599 First Kings Fifteen-Eleven. 117 00:07:49,599 --> 00:07:55,529 This is King Asa and the Bible says: "And Asa did that which was right in the eyes of 118 00:07:55,530 --> 00:07:57,290 the Lord as did David his father." 119 00:07:57,289 --> 00:08:00,679 We don't have to wonder whether what he did was right here or not. 120 00:08:00,680 --> 00:08:04,620 God comes right out and tells us Asa did what was right, and he's going to explain to us 121 00:08:04,620 --> 00:08:06,030 the right thing that he did. 122 00:08:06,030 --> 00:08:09,040 Verse Twelve: "He took away the Sodomites out of the land." 123 00:08:09,040 --> 00:08:10,480 That's always a good place to start. 124 00:08:10,480 --> 00:08:15,180 "He took away the Sodomites out of the land and removed all the idols that his fathers 125 00:08:15,181 --> 00:08:16,371 had made. 126 00:08:16,370 --> 00:08:20,560 And also Maachah, his mother, even her." 127 00:08:20,560 --> 00:08:22,900 Look at those two words - even her. 128 00:08:22,900 --> 00:08:29,090 "He removed from being queen because she had made an idol in a grove and Asa destroyed 129 00:08:29,090 --> 00:08:34,350 her idol and burnt it by the brook Kidron, but the high places were not removed. 130 00:08:34,349 --> 00:08:38,629 Nevertheless, Asa's heart was perfect with the Lord all his days." 131 00:08:38,630 --> 00:08:44,740 The Bible is saying that it was right of King Asa to take his mother out of the position 132 00:08:44,740 --> 00:08:50,350 of being queen because she had made this idol and was teaching false religion, and he even 133 00:08:50,350 --> 00:08:53,560 destroyed her idol and burnt it and destroyed it. 134 00:08:53,560 --> 00:08:56,630 The Bible is showing us a great example here of a guy who understood. 135 00:08:56,630 --> 00:09:02,120 Look, we love our parents, we should honor our father and mother, we should respect them, 136 00:09:02,120 --> 00:09:07,210 but there comes a point where if we have to choose between honoring the Lord and honoring 137 00:09:07,210 --> 00:09:12,250 our parents, our loyalty is to Christ first and foremost. 138 00:09:12,250 --> 00:09:14,130 That has to be our main loyalty. 139 00:09:14,130 --> 00:09:18,690 Now, not only does the Bible teach that we should be loyal to Christ; it teaches that 140 00:09:18,690 --> 00:09:20,740 we should be loyal to our parents. 141 00:09:20,740 --> 00:09:24,260 It also talks about the fact that we should be loyal to our friends. 142 00:09:24,260 --> 00:09:26,950 Turn if you would to Proverbs Twenty-Seven. 143 00:09:26,950 --> 00:09:30,860 Proverbs Twenty-Seven, and while you're turning there I'll read you an example from Second 144 00:09:30,860 --> 00:09:34,570 Timothy, Chapter One, of a guy who was loyal to his friends. 145 00:09:34,570 --> 00:09:37,310 This is a guy by the name of Onesiphorus. 146 00:09:37,310 --> 00:09:41,220 Onesiphorus was a friend of the Apostle, Paul, and he was loyal to him. 147 00:09:41,220 --> 00:09:45,900 It says in verse Fifteen: "This thou ..." Wait for me there in Proverbs, I'll be there in 148 00:09:45,900 --> 00:09:46,900 a moment. 149 00:09:46,900 --> 00:09:49,970 "This thou knowest, that all they which are in Asia, be turned away from me." 150 00:09:49,970 --> 00:09:52,330 These were people that were disloyal to Paul. 151 00:09:52,330 --> 00:09:54,140 They were not faithful to him. 152 00:09:54,140 --> 00:09:57,180 In his hour of need, they weren't there for him. 153 00:09:57,180 --> 00:10:02,520 It says, "All they are in Asia be turned away from me, of whom are Phygelus and Hermogenes. 154 00:10:02,519 --> 00:10:09,919 The Lord give mercy onto the house of Onesiphorous, for he oft refreshed me and was not ashamed 155 00:10:09,920 --> 00:10:10,920 of my chain." 156 00:10:10,920 --> 00:10:11,980 What's he saying? 157 00:10:11,980 --> 00:10:14,350 He lost a lot of friends by going to prison. 158 00:10:14,350 --> 00:10:19,670 He'd gone to prison and a lot of his friends were ashamed of his chain. 159 00:10:19,670 --> 00:10:25,640 That kind of reminds me of another situation, but anyway, friends and loved ones and family 160 00:10:25,640 --> 00:10:31,700 don't want to be associated with him because they're ashamed of his chain, but Onesiphorous 161 00:10:31,700 --> 00:10:32,700 was faithful to him. 162 00:10:32,700 --> 00:10:37,690 He was a loyal friend, and he says, "He oft refreshed me and was not ashamed of my chain, 163 00:10:37,690 --> 00:10:41,200 but when he was in Rome he sought me out very diligently and found me. 164 00:10:41,200 --> 00:10:45,980 The Lord grant unto him that he may find mercy of the Lord in that day and in how many things 165 00:10:45,980 --> 00:10:48,800 he ministered unto me in Ephesus, thou knowest very well." 166 00:10:48,800 --> 00:10:54,790 Look down at your Bible there, Proverbs Twenty-Seven, Verse Ten: "Thine own friend and thy father's 167 00:10:54,790 --> 00:10:56,490 friend, forsake not. 168 00:10:56,490 --> 00:11:01,790 Neither go into thy brother's house in the day of thy calamity, for better is a neighbor 169 00:11:01,790 --> 00:11:05,280 that is near than a brother that is far off." 170 00:11:05,279 --> 00:11:06,809 Flip back to Chapter Eighteen. 171 00:11:06,810 --> 00:11:10,970 The Bible's saying be loyal to your friends and you're going to be able to rely on them 172 00:11:10,970 --> 00:11:15,580 in times of need, sometimes even more than your own family, if you have good friends 173 00:11:15,580 --> 00:11:16,770 to rely on. 174 00:11:16,770 --> 00:11:21,340 Be loyal to them because if you're going to expect loyalty or want to have friends that 175 00:11:21,339 --> 00:11:25,079 are there for you in your time of need, you need to be there for them in their time of 176 00:11:25,080 --> 00:11:26,080 need. 177 00:11:26,080 --> 00:11:30,130 That's why the Bible says in Chapter Eighteen, Verse Twenty-Four, "A man who have friends 178 00:11:30,130 --> 00:11:39,030 must show himself friendly and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother." 179 00:11:39,029 --> 00:11:42,039 Sometimes our friends can even be closer to us than our own family. 180 00:11:42,040 --> 00:11:46,730 It's important to be loyal to them and to be there for them in their time of need. 181 00:11:46,730 --> 00:11:51,330 There are a lot of other scriptures on friendship, but go if you would to Ephesians, chapter 182 00:11:51,330 --> 00:11:54,440 Five, where we started tonight, Ephesians, chapter Five. 183 00:11:54,440 --> 00:11:58,400 While you're turning there, I'll read to you from Third John, Verse Fourteen: "But I trust 184 00:11:58,399 --> 00:12:02,359 I shall shortly see thee and we shall speak face to face. 185 00:12:02,360 --> 00:12:03,360 Peace be to thee. 186 00:12:03,360 --> 00:12:04,620 Our friends salute thee. 187 00:12:04,620 --> 00:12:06,510 Greet the friends by name." 188 00:12:06,510 --> 00:12:12,010 You know, the Apostles took great ... They held great importance in the friendships that 189 00:12:12,010 --> 00:12:15,120 they had, because you'll notice at the end of their epistles, like he says, hey, "greet 190 00:12:15,120 --> 00:12:16,200 the friends by name." 191 00:12:16,200 --> 00:12:23,490 Paul even went to the great length of listing what seems like every friend he's ever had 192 00:12:23,490 --> 00:12:25,010 at the end of Romans. 193 00:12:25,010 --> 00:12:30,530 Romans, Chapter Sixteen, he just lists friend after friend after ... Say hi to this person, 194 00:12:30,529 --> 00:12:34,889 this person, just shout out after shout out, friend after friend, in Romans Sixteen. 195 00:12:34,889 --> 00:12:37,169 He just goes on and on, but you know what? 196 00:12:37,171 --> 00:12:39,401 It shows that he valued his friends. 197 00:12:39,399 --> 00:12:42,369 Often at the beginning of his epistles, he'll say something like, "You know what? 198 00:12:42,370 --> 00:12:45,440 I've been praying for you by name. 199 00:12:45,440 --> 00:12:50,690 God is my witness that I have been making mention of you in my prayers night and day." 200 00:12:50,690 --> 00:12:55,850 That's a pretty bold statement, to say I'm praying for you by name every day, because 201 00:12:55,850 --> 00:12:59,740 it's in scripture, so it must be true, that he was really doing it. 202 00:12:59,740 --> 00:13:04,520 Paul was somebody who loved and took care of his friends and was loyal to his friends 203 00:13:04,519 --> 00:13:07,639 and therefore he had a good friend, Onesiphorous. 204 00:13:07,640 --> 00:13:11,300 Luke was a good friend, too, other people that were loyal friends. 205 00:13:11,300 --> 00:13:12,730 It's important to be loyal to Christ. 206 00:13:12,730 --> 00:13:17,000 We should be loyal to our parents, we should be loyal to our friends, but let me say this: 207 00:13:17,000 --> 00:13:23,130 Our number one loyalty outside of the Lord Jesus Christ, should be to our spouse. 208 00:13:23,130 --> 00:13:27,930 This is a conflict that people often come into in their lives and people often come 209 00:13:27,930 --> 00:13:33,400 to me and ask me, I've been asked this many times, where people bring me a situation, 210 00:13:33,399 --> 00:13:38,579 a stripe in their family problems, and when you're a pastor, people come to you and talk 211 00:13:38,579 --> 00:13:43,489 to you about this kind of stuff because they want to get some kind of advice from the Bible. 212 00:13:43,490 --> 00:13:48,160 A lot of people have asked me about situations, and I always tell people the same thing, and 213 00:13:48,160 --> 00:13:52,780 I'm going to show you why I believe that from the Bible is that your number one loyalty 214 00:13:52,779 --> 00:13:57,799 is to your spouse, outside of Jesus. 215 00:13:57,800 --> 00:14:01,840 Because more important than your relationship with your parents is your relationship with 216 00:14:01,839 --> 00:14:03,509 your spouse. 217 00:14:03,510 --> 00:14:06,390 Brothers and sisters are not as important as your spouse. 218 00:14:06,389 --> 00:14:08,039 Friends are not as important as your spouse. 219 00:14:08,040 --> 00:14:14,240 That I believe is your number one loyalty outside of the Lord Jesus Christ himself. 220 00:14:14,240 --> 00:14:16,440 Now look what the Bible says and tell me if I'm wrong. 221 00:14:16,440 --> 00:14:17,790 Look at Ephesians Five, verse Twenty-Eight. 222 00:14:17,790 --> 00:14:22,830 "So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. 223 00:14:22,830 --> 00:14:27,840 He that loveth his wife loveth himself, for no man ever yet hated his own flesh, but nourish 224 00:14:27,839 --> 00:14:29,489 it then cherisheth it. 225 00:14:29,490 --> 00:14:34,230 Even as the Lord the church, for we are members of his body, of his flesh and of his bones. 226 00:14:34,230 --> 00:14:39,410 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife 227 00:14:39,410 --> 00:14:42,360 and they too shall be one flesh. 228 00:14:42,360 --> 00:14:46,470 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church, nevertheless let every 229 00:14:46,470 --> 00:14:51,740 one of you in particular so love his wife, even as himself, and the wife see that she 230 00:14:51,740 --> 00:14:53,130 reverence her husband." 231 00:14:53,130 --> 00:14:54,700 What do we see in this passage? 232 00:14:54,699 --> 00:15:01,819 We should love our wife as our own body and we should consider our wife bone of our bone 233 00:15:01,820 --> 00:15:02,990 and flesh of our flesh. 234 00:15:02,990 --> 00:15:05,330 You say, "Well, yeah, but this is family." 235 00:15:05,330 --> 00:15:06,330 No. 236 00:15:06,330 --> 00:15:07,330 Your wife is your family. 237 00:15:07,330 --> 00:15:09,240 Your husband is your family. 238 00:15:09,240 --> 00:15:11,270 That is bone of your bone and flesh of your flesh. 239 00:15:11,269 --> 00:15:13,129 Who's your closest relative? 240 00:15:13,130 --> 00:15:16,920 Your wife, and it's not because you're from Kentucky. 241 00:15:16,920 --> 00:15:21,960 I'm saying, now that you're married it's your closest relative, okay? 242 00:15:21,959 --> 00:15:23,739 I'm not saying that you're inbreeding. 243 00:15:23,740 --> 00:15:30,120 I'm saying that when you marry your spouse, you're supposed to leave father and mother 244 00:15:30,120 --> 00:15:34,480 and cleave unto your wife and be one flesh with her. 245 00:15:34,480 --> 00:15:35,740 That is the great mystery. 246 00:15:35,740 --> 00:15:38,640 That is the great relationship in our lives. 247 00:15:38,640 --> 00:15:44,250 Now, let me show you a scripture that's one that most people have never even read, let 248 00:15:44,250 --> 00:15:47,180 alone has it ever been preached hardly at all. 249 00:15:47,180 --> 00:15:48,790 Go to Numbers, Chapter Thirty. 250 00:15:48,790 --> 00:15:49,790 It's an interesting chapter. 251 00:15:49,790 --> 00:15:50,790 Numbers, Chapter Thirty. 252 00:15:50,790 --> 00:15:56,890 I don't remember ever having heard a sermon on this. 253 00:15:56,889 --> 00:16:01,549 Maybe I preached on ... I'm pretty sure I preached on this once before in a sermon somewhere, 254 00:16:01,550 --> 00:16:02,930 but I'm not even sure. 255 00:16:02,930 --> 00:16:08,110 It's kind of one of those obscure chapters in an obscure book that people don't really 256 00:16:08,110 --> 00:16:11,390 think about, but there's an important lesson in this chapter. 257 00:16:11,389 --> 00:16:16,099 Because I think Ephesians Five makes it pretty clear where your loyalty is when it says you 258 00:16:16,100 --> 00:16:21,630 leave your father and mother and you cleave to your wife. 259 00:16:21,630 --> 00:16:22,630 Okay? 260 00:16:22,630 --> 00:16:24,620 There's a leaving and cleaving. 261 00:16:24,620 --> 00:16:26,290 That's a good way to remember it. 262 00:16:26,290 --> 00:16:27,870 Leave and cleave. 263 00:16:27,870 --> 00:16:32,560 There's a leaving and cleaving that needs to take place in our lives where we leave 264 00:16:32,560 --> 00:16:37,780 our father and mother and cleave unto our wife and that becomes our new family, our 265 00:16:37,779 --> 00:16:39,529 new loyalty right there. 266 00:16:39,529 --> 00:16:42,619 Look at Numbers Thirty and let's look at it from the woman's perspective. 267 00:16:42,620 --> 00:16:46,850 The Bible says in Verse One: "And Moses spake unto the heads of the tribes concerning the 268 00:16:46,850 --> 00:16:50,840 children of Israel, saying 'This is the thing which the Lord has commanded." 269 00:16:50,839 --> 00:16:51,839 We're going to read the whole chapter. 270 00:16:51,839 --> 00:16:53,159 Listen to this chapter. 271 00:16:53,160 --> 00:16:59,340 "If a man vow a vow unto the Lord, or swear an oath to bind his soul with a bond, he shall 272 00:16:59,339 --> 00:17:01,069 not break his word. 273 00:17:01,070 --> 00:17:05,120 He shall do according to all that proceedeth out of his mouth." 274 00:17:05,120 --> 00:17:09,530 That's just a great verse right there in and of itself. 275 00:17:09,530 --> 00:17:15,650 That's if a man vows a vow unto the Lord, he must stick with it, he must keep the vow, 276 00:17:15,650 --> 00:17:17,870 he must do the thing that's gone out of his lips. 277 00:17:17,870 --> 00:17:21,020 That's Numbers Thirty, Verse Two, but for the rest of the chapter, he's going to talk 278 00:17:21,020 --> 00:17:22,480 about women. 279 00:17:22,480 --> 00:17:24,450 First he says, okay here it is for a man. 280 00:17:24,449 --> 00:17:25,909 Real simple. 281 00:17:25,910 --> 00:17:28,750 You make a vow, you keep it, period. 282 00:17:28,750 --> 00:17:32,460 Okay, now we're going to spend the whole rest of the chapter talking about women making 283 00:17:32,460 --> 00:17:33,460 a vow. 284 00:17:33,460 --> 00:17:38,540 It says in Verse Three: "If a woman also vow a vow unto the Lord, and bind herself by a 285 00:17:38,540 --> 00:17:44,220 bond, being in her father's house in her youth ..." This is a young lady that's still at 286 00:17:44,220 --> 00:17:49,300 home, still living with her parents, and she makes a vow. 287 00:17:49,300 --> 00:17:54,190 It says in Verse Four: "And her father hear her vow, and her bond were with she had bound 288 00:17:54,190 --> 00:17:58,250 her soul, and her father shall hold his peace at her," meaning he doesn't say anything. 289 00:17:58,250 --> 00:18:00,490 He hears her make the vow and he doesn't say anything. 290 00:18:00,490 --> 00:18:07,540 "Then all her vows shall stand and every bond wherewith she hath bound her soul shall stand. 291 00:18:07,539 --> 00:18:12,379 But if her father disallow her in the day that he heareth, not any of her vows nor of 292 00:18:12,380 --> 00:18:16,490 her bonds wherewith she hath bound her soul shall stand and the Lord shall forgive her 293 00:18:16,490 --> 00:18:18,540 because her father disallowed her." 294 00:18:18,539 --> 00:18:20,549 Now, let's just explain this real quick. 295 00:18:20,549 --> 00:18:25,889 What this is saying is that if a girl who's living with her parents at home swears to 296 00:18:25,890 --> 00:18:31,710 do something, makes a vow that she's going to do this or not do this, and her father 297 00:18:31,710 --> 00:18:36,860 hears her make that vow, and doesn't say anything about it, then that vow stands. 298 00:18:36,860 --> 00:18:43,970 But, if she makes that vow and her dad says, "No, you're not going to do that. 299 00:18:43,970 --> 00:18:46,270 No, that vow is not legitimate. 300 00:18:46,270 --> 00:18:50,080 No, I do not approve of you vowing that," then that vow just went out the window and 301 00:18:50,080 --> 00:18:51,200 means nothing. 302 00:18:51,200 --> 00:18:52,200 Why? 303 00:18:52,200 --> 00:18:56,160 Because it's not her job to control her own destiny. 304 00:18:56,160 --> 00:19:01,450 Her father is an authority figure in her life, and she can't just say, "Well, I'm going to 305 00:19:01,450 --> 00:19:03,230 go do this," or "I'm not going to go do ..." No. 306 00:19:03,230 --> 00:19:04,320 You're not. 307 00:19:04,320 --> 00:19:06,100 He can shut that down. 308 00:19:06,100 --> 00:19:11,040 Now when it says "in the day that he hears of it," that means that if a young lady makes 309 00:19:11,040 --> 00:19:17,270 a vow unto the Lord, and it's not in the presence of her father, and then he hears about it 310 00:19:17,271 --> 00:19:21,831 two weeks later, he can disannul it the first time he hears about it. 311 00:19:21,830 --> 00:19:26,830 When he hears about it, even if it's six months later, oh he hears about it, that's null and 312 00:19:26,830 --> 00:19:29,560 void because I said so. 313 00:19:29,560 --> 00:19:34,610 But if he hears about it six months later and he holds his peace at that time and the 314 00:19:34,610 --> 00:19:40,290 whole day goes by and the next day, well then that vow stands because he didn't say anything. 315 00:19:40,289 --> 00:19:43,369 But if he didn't hear about it ... It's when he hears about it. 316 00:19:43,370 --> 00:19:45,320 Does everybody understand? 317 00:19:45,320 --> 00:19:47,860 Let's keep reading. 318 00:19:47,860 --> 00:19:53,660 It says in Verse Six: "And if she had at all a husband when she vowed, or uttered ought 319 00:19:53,660 --> 00:19:57,850 out of her lips wherewith she bound her soul and her husband heard it, and held his peace 320 00:19:57,850 --> 00:20:02,910 at her in the day that he heard it, then her vow shall stand and her bonds wherewith she 321 00:20:02,909 --> 00:20:06,569 bound her soul shall stand, but if her husband disallowed her on the day that he heard it 322 00:20:06,570 --> 00:20:09,780 ..." Again, notice it's when he hears about it. 323 00:20:09,780 --> 00:20:13,910 "Then he shall make her vow which she vowed and that which she uttered with her lips wherewith 324 00:20:13,910 --> 00:20:18,450 she bound her soul of none effect and the Lord shall forgive her. 325 00:20:18,450 --> 00:20:22,490 But every vow of a widow and of her that is divorced wherewith they have bound their soul 326 00:20:22,490 --> 00:20:27,290 shall stand against her, and if she vowed in her husband's house or bound her soul by 327 00:20:27,289 --> 00:20:31,529 a bond with an oath and her husband heard it and held his peace at her and disallowed 328 00:20:31,530 --> 00:20:34,100 her not, then all her vows shall stand. 329 00:20:34,100 --> 00:20:38,130 And every bond wherewith she bound her soul shall stand, but if her husband hath utterly 330 00:20:38,130 --> 00:20:42,170 made them void on the day that he heard them, then whatsoever proceedeth out of her lips 331 00:20:42,169 --> 00:20:46,499 concerning her vows or concerning the bond of her soul shall not stand. 332 00:20:46,500 --> 00:20:50,880 Her husband hath made them void and the Lord shall forgive her. 333 00:20:50,880 --> 00:20:56,910 Every vow and every binding oath to afflict the soul, her husband may establish it or 334 00:20:56,909 --> 00:20:59,829 her husband may make it void. 335 00:20:59,830 --> 00:21:04,590 But if her husband altogether hold his peace at her from day to day, then he establishes 336 00:21:04,590 --> 00:21:05,590 all her vows." 337 00:21:05,590 --> 00:21:06,590 What is he saying? 338 00:21:06,590 --> 00:21:08,030 Silence is agreement. 339 00:21:08,030 --> 00:21:13,480 "Or all of her bonds which are upon her, he confirmeth them because he held his peace 340 00:21:13,480 --> 00:21:16,390 at her in the day that he heard them. 341 00:21:16,390 --> 00:21:21,450 But if he shall anyways make them void after that he hath heard them, then he shall bear 342 00:21:21,450 --> 00:21:23,060 her inequity." 343 00:21:23,059 --> 00:21:26,809 That verse is important, too, Verse Fifteen. 344 00:21:26,809 --> 00:21:28,099 Let's stop and understand it. 345 00:21:28,100 --> 00:21:34,870 "But if he shall anyways make them void after that he hath heard them, then he shall bear 346 00:21:34,870 --> 00:21:35,870 her inequity." 347 00:21:35,870 --> 00:21:36,870 What does that mean? 348 00:21:36,870 --> 00:21:42,700 That means that if he later on hears about a vow and he hold his peace when he hears 349 00:21:42,700 --> 00:21:47,920 it or if he immediately hears about a vow and just doesn't say anything, and then a 350 00:21:47,920 --> 00:21:49,770 few weeks later he's like, "You know what? 351 00:21:49,770 --> 00:21:50,770 I changed my mind. 352 00:21:50,770 --> 00:21:53,330 That vow's not going to stand." 353 00:21:53,330 --> 00:22:00,460 Then at point, the vow does not stand, but he's the one now who's broken the vow and 354 00:22:00,460 --> 00:22:03,070 he gets punished by God. 355 00:22:03,070 --> 00:22:05,110 The curse is on him for breaking a vow. 356 00:22:05,110 --> 00:22:10,390 Now, I don't know about you, but doesn't this chapter seem repetitive? 357 00:22:10,390 --> 00:22:14,260 Now, there's always a reason when God is repetitive. 358 00:22:14,260 --> 00:22:18,910 He's not just being repetitive because he just wants to make the Bible a certain length 359 00:22:18,909 --> 00:22:22,909 and he's just trying to fill space and needed more chapters. 360 00:22:22,909 --> 00:22:29,219 If God repeats something, it means that it's important and if God repeats something in 361 00:22:29,220 --> 00:22:33,320 a bunch of slightly different ways, and saying it a little differently over and over again, 362 00:22:33,320 --> 00:22:37,170 a little different here, a little ... It's because he doesn't want to be misunderstood, 363 00:22:37,169 --> 00:22:42,059 so he's going over it from a bunch of different angles, just making it really clear to make 364 00:22:42,059 --> 00:22:43,659 sure that we understand. 365 00:22:43,660 --> 00:22:46,190 If it gets a whole chapter, it must be important. 366 00:22:46,190 --> 00:22:49,710 That tells me that it's pretty important to God whether we keep our vows. 367 00:22:49,710 --> 00:22:51,630 If you make a vow, you better keep it. 368 00:22:51,630 --> 00:22:54,640 There's a whole chapter just demanding that you keep the vows. 369 00:22:54,640 --> 00:23:00,410 He says, if you're a father and you have a daughter living at home or if you're a husband 370 00:23:00,410 --> 00:23:06,240 that has a wife, you have the power to either establish or disannul your wife's vows in 371 00:23:06,240 --> 00:23:09,400 the day that you hear them. 372 00:23:09,400 --> 00:23:12,060 That's when you're supposed to disannul them if you have a problem with them. 373 00:23:12,059 --> 00:23:14,819 If you do, it's all forgiven. 374 00:23:14,820 --> 00:23:17,190 You're not in sin, she's not in sin. 375 00:23:17,190 --> 00:23:21,050 The vow is as if it had never happened. 376 00:23:21,049 --> 00:23:27,469 But, if he does it later, if he waits a few weeks or months and says, "I changed my mind," 377 00:23:27,470 --> 00:23:32,600 now he's the one who gets punished, but the wife or daughter is still supposed to obey 378 00:23:32,600 --> 00:23:34,250 the father or husband. 379 00:23:34,250 --> 00:23:35,250 "Well, no. 380 00:23:35,250 --> 00:23:36,250 I vowed that. 381 00:23:36,250 --> 00:23:37,950 You didn't disannul it in time." 382 00:23:37,950 --> 00:23:38,950 Well, no. 383 00:23:38,950 --> 00:23:41,370 He's disannulling it, but he bears the sin. 384 00:23:41,371 --> 00:23:42,711 He bears the burden for that. 385 00:23:42,710 --> 00:23:44,650 That's what Verse Fifteen is teaching. 386 00:23:44,650 --> 00:23:48,200 Then it closes things up in Verse Sixteen by saying: "These are the statutes which the 387 00:23:48,200 --> 00:23:55,000 Lord commanded Moses between a man and his wife, between the father and his daughter 388 00:23:55,000 --> 00:23:57,470 being yet in her youth in her father's house." 389 00:23:57,470 --> 00:24:02,900 Now, what we see in this passage is there possible phases of life. 390 00:24:02,900 --> 00:24:08,390 We see first of all, the daughter who is living at home in her father's house in her youth. 391 00:24:08,390 --> 00:24:09,430 That's one phase. 392 00:24:09,430 --> 00:24:11,820 Who's the authority in that situation? 393 00:24:11,820 --> 00:24:13,600 The father. 394 00:24:13,600 --> 00:24:15,860 Then we see her as a married wife. 395 00:24:15,860 --> 00:24:18,120 Who's the authority in that situation? 396 00:24:18,120 --> 00:24:19,120 Her husband. 397 00:24:19,120 --> 00:24:24,680 Then we see a 3rd possible scenario that's brought out of a woman whose husband has died 398 00:24:24,679 --> 00:24:26,499 or divorced her. 399 00:24:26,500 --> 00:24:33,560 In that case, the Bible says, no one is going to either establish or disannul her vows. 400 00:24:33,559 --> 00:24:38,589 If she makes a vow, it just stands because at that point she's on her own. 401 00:24:38,590 --> 00:24:42,420 Now, the Bible does talk about a girl going back and living in her father's house and 402 00:24:42,419 --> 00:24:48,329 being supported by her parents if her husband dies or divorces her, but at that point, it's 403 00:24:48,331 --> 00:24:54,601 not the same structure of disannulling or establishing vows. 404 00:24:54,600 --> 00:24:56,740 That's what the Bible says in Numbers, Chapter Thirty. 405 00:24:56,740 --> 00:24:58,970 You say, "Well, why does that matter?" 406 00:24:58,970 --> 00:25:04,270 Well, it matters because we should keep our vows and of course one of the biggest vows 407 00:25:04,270 --> 00:25:08,940 we make in our life is when we vow to our spouse when we get married. 408 00:25:08,940 --> 00:25:13,420 That's a vow that we're taking, but not only that, and that's why, by the way, that's why 409 00:25:13,419 --> 00:25:19,159 we should be married publicly, to make sure that everybody hears that vow and then you 410 00:25:19,160 --> 00:25:23,030 say, "If anybody has any reason why these two should not be joined together, speak now 411 00:25:23,029 --> 00:25:24,139 or forever hold your peace." 412 00:25:24,140 --> 00:25:30,230 Now, I'm not teaching some strange doctrine that after people get married, dad can come 413 00:25:30,230 --> 00:25:33,100 in later and disannul, because here's the thing. 414 00:25:33,100 --> 00:25:36,290 When you get married, it's the husband who's the new authority. 415 00:25:36,290 --> 00:25:40,010 If he disannuls it, that's called divorcing your wife, that's wrong. 416 00:25:40,010 --> 00:25:46,290 The Bible says, God hateth ... Listen to me, "The Lord God of Israel hateth putting away." 417 00:25:46,290 --> 00:25:54,190 He hates divorce, that's what Malachi, Chapter Two teaches, so don't get mixed up on that. 418 00:25:54,190 --> 00:25:58,350 Why am I teaching this is this sermon about where our loyalties should lie? 419 00:25:58,350 --> 00:26:04,760 What I'm showing you is that after the woman gets married, her father ceases to become 420 00:26:04,760 --> 00:26:06,540 the authority in her life. 421 00:26:06,539 --> 00:26:10,509 Does everybody see that? 422 00:26:10,510 --> 00:26:14,660 Her father ceases to be the authority in her life. 423 00:26:14,659 --> 00:26:20,319 The husband is now the authority in her life, not the father and not only that, but even 424 00:26:20,320 --> 00:26:25,410 after the husband's dead, he doesn't have the same authority that he had before. 425 00:26:25,409 --> 00:26:31,039 That should just make it clear to you that the husband replaces the father as the authority 426 00:26:31,040 --> 00:26:32,550 figure in her life. 427 00:26:32,549 --> 00:26:33,739 Is there any doubt about that? 428 00:26:33,740 --> 00:26:36,140 It's a clear, it's an important teaching. 429 00:26:36,140 --> 00:26:38,260 You say, "Why is that important?" 430 00:26:38,260 --> 00:26:46,900 Because of the fact that one of the greatest causes of marital strife in the world today 431 00:26:46,900 --> 00:26:48,460 is meddling in-laws. 432 00:26:48,460 --> 00:26:55,660 If you look at a list of top ten marriage problems, probably even top five marriage 433 00:26:55,660 --> 00:26:59,010 problems, you know what's always going to be on that list? 434 00:26:59,010 --> 00:27:00,100 In-laws. 435 00:27:00,100 --> 00:27:03,220 When you get a list of just, hey, just name the big five. 436 00:27:03,220 --> 00:27:09,260 Talk to a pastor who deals with people or talk to just a statistician or just talk to 437 00:27:09,260 --> 00:27:15,120 any kind of a family counselor or maybe a judge that deals in divorces or something, 438 00:27:15,120 --> 00:27:17,260 or a lawyer that deals with divorces. 439 00:27:17,260 --> 00:27:22,320 Anybody will tell you that is one of the top marriage problems, because what are the marriage 440 00:27:22,320 --> 00:27:23,650 problems that you're going to hear about? 441 00:27:23,649 --> 00:27:26,059 A big one is money. 442 00:27:26,059 --> 00:27:29,619 That's why it's so important what I preached this morning about covetousness in regard 443 00:27:29,620 --> 00:27:34,360 to marriage, because money can be a big issue in a marriage, financial problems. 444 00:27:34,360 --> 00:27:37,070 What's another big issue that people have? 445 00:27:37,070 --> 00:27:40,470 Basically in-laws is right up there toward the top. 446 00:27:40,470 --> 00:27:44,370 That's a major ... Another thing that's always maybe a problem, in the bedroom. 447 00:27:44,370 --> 00:27:46,990 That's another thing that's high up on the list with people. 448 00:27:46,990 --> 00:27:47,990 What else? 449 00:27:47,990 --> 00:27:48,990 Somebody help me out. 450 00:27:48,990 --> 00:27:56,850 Adultery, obviously, is a big one, adultery, whether it's total adultery or just flirtation, 451 00:27:56,850 --> 00:27:59,630 flirting with adultery or whatever, right? 452 00:27:59,630 --> 00:28:00,630 What else? 453 00:28:00,630 --> 00:28:01,630 Somebody help me out. 454 00:28:01,630 --> 00:28:03,490 I don't have the list in front of me. 455 00:28:03,490 --> 00:28:07,800 Drug abuse, alcohol, obviously those are things that can be damaging to a marriage, but if 456 00:28:07,800 --> 00:28:14,000 you look at a list, the in-laws are pretty high on the list for a reason. 457 00:28:14,000 --> 00:28:19,740 Money, in-laws, adultery, these are the type of things that destroy marriages. 458 00:28:19,740 --> 00:28:23,760 Now, why are in-laws such a big issue? 459 00:28:23,760 --> 00:28:28,680 Look, as a pastor, I can just tell you, people come to me with marriage problems all the 460 00:28:28,680 --> 00:28:32,360 time, and it's not usually people in our church. 461 00:28:32,360 --> 00:28:33,600 Sometimes it is, obviously. 462 00:28:33,600 --> 00:28:40,720 There are people that have issues, but because my sermons are online, basically people from 463 00:28:40,720 --> 00:28:46,570 all over the country and all over the world will sometimes contact me with marriage problems 464 00:28:46,570 --> 00:28:49,690 or just trying to get advice and what do I do? 465 00:28:49,690 --> 00:28:55,440 Usually I try to, if I can, because I sympathize with people in their situation, I try to direct 466 00:28:55,440 --> 00:28:59,960 them to a sermon or something that I've preached that could help, or try to direct them to 467 00:28:59,960 --> 00:29:04,080 a scripture or something, but I hear as a pastor ... When you're a pastor, people tell 468 00:29:04,080 --> 00:29:05,650 you stuff. 469 00:29:05,650 --> 00:29:08,630 People just come to you and tell you all kinds of stuff. 470 00:29:08,630 --> 00:29:14,540 You hear about problem after problem after problem regarding in-laws. 471 00:29:14,539 --> 00:29:20,889 It's a major problem that people have, and I'm constantly telling people the same advice. 472 00:29:20,890 --> 00:29:25,940 You need to put your spouse before your in-laws and your family. 473 00:29:25,940 --> 00:29:27,670 You know what? 474 00:29:27,669 --> 00:29:32,299 Fathers of women need to be told that they're not the boss anymore and they need to bug 475 00:29:32,299 --> 00:29:35,929 off and let the husband rule that home. 476 00:29:35,929 --> 00:29:41,439 That is what the Bible teaches and you know what was one of the most wicked things that 477 00:29:41,440 --> 00:29:46,890 is a tradition in our western culture that you hear about all the time is this kind of 478 00:29:46,890 --> 00:29:53,510 a talk that a dad will have with this daughter, where he basically says to her, "Now listen, 479 00:29:53,510 --> 00:29:58,000 honey, you know you can always come home to us, don't you?" 480 00:29:58,000 --> 00:29:59,090 You know what I'm talking about. 481 00:29:59,090 --> 00:30:05,290 "You know that if it doesn't work out, or if there's problems, you just come ... You 482 00:30:05,289 --> 00:30:10,379 always have a place here, honey, to come and bad-mouth your husband and to come talk crap 483 00:30:10,380 --> 00:30:11,950 about your husband. 484 00:30:11,950 --> 00:30:13,060 Just come and see us. 485 00:30:13,060 --> 00:30:19,110 The door's always open, and you can always move back in with us, honey." 486 00:30:19,110 --> 00:30:22,810 That is wicked and disgusting and you know what? 487 00:30:22,809 --> 00:30:25,499 I will never say that to any of my daughters. 488 00:30:25,500 --> 00:30:27,040 You know what I'm going to say to my daughters? 489 00:30:27,040 --> 00:30:29,440 I'm going to say, "Look, this is your husband. 490 00:30:29,440 --> 00:30:34,640 I'm going to hand you off to him in that wedding, and you belong to him now and you are to obey 491 00:30:34,640 --> 00:30:40,270 him and your loyalty is to him, not me." 492 00:30:40,270 --> 00:30:41,270 That is biblical. 493 00:30:41,270 --> 00:30:45,630 That is the truth, and look, no man can serve two masters. 494 00:30:45,630 --> 00:30:50,630 You can't sit there and have these two competing authorities and parents who don't want to 495 00:30:50,630 --> 00:30:52,880 let go of their kids. 496 00:30:52,880 --> 00:30:56,480 Now look, it's great to love your kids but there comes a time when you have to cut the 497 00:30:56,480 --> 00:31:03,400 apron strings and when your son needs to leave and cleave, and when your daughter needs to 498 00:31:03,399 --> 00:31:06,379 be handed off to the husband. 499 00:31:06,380 --> 00:31:07,380 You know what? 500 00:31:07,380 --> 00:31:10,910 If my ... I just want to tell this to my three little daughters right now that are way too 501 00:31:10,909 --> 00:31:15,449 young to be even thinking about any of this, I just want to say to my three daughters right 502 00:31:15,450 --> 00:31:20,470 now, "Don't ever come crying to me about your husband, because I'm going to tell you to 503 00:31:20,470 --> 00:31:27,010 turn around and go submit yourself to your husband and go obey him and submit to him 504 00:31:27,010 --> 00:31:33,470 and I don't want to hear about it." 505 00:31:33,470 --> 00:31:34,470 That's true. 506 00:31:34,470 --> 00:31:35,660 That's right. 507 00:31:35,659 --> 00:31:36,659 You know what? 508 00:31:36,659 --> 00:31:41,639 A lot of marriages would be helped, a lot of marriages would be saved if that were the 509 00:31:41,640 --> 00:31:44,150 mentality. 510 00:31:44,150 --> 00:31:50,130 If the wives would ... It's like a cliché of the wife goes crying to mommy and crying 511 00:31:50,130 --> 00:31:51,130 to daddy. 512 00:31:51,130 --> 00:31:56,760 No, she needs to suck it up and learn how to submit and make that marriage work and 513 00:31:56,760 --> 00:31:58,240 obey her husband. 514 00:31:58,240 --> 00:31:59,240 That's what the Bible says. 515 00:31:59,240 --> 00:32:02,680 You say, "Well, oh, but what's this submit and obey? 516 00:32:02,679 --> 00:32:03,679 What if he's a jerk? 517 00:32:03,679 --> 00:32:04,679 What if he's this?" 518 00:32:04,679 --> 00:32:07,979 Why'd you marry a jerk? 519 00:32:07,980 --> 00:32:08,980 You know what? 520 00:32:08,980 --> 00:32:13,450 My daughters aren't going to marry a jerk because I'm going to kick his backside if 521 00:32:13,450 --> 00:32:16,390 he's a jerk - before the wedding. 522 00:32:16,390 --> 00:32:19,160 I'm not going to kick his butt after the wedding because you know what? 523 00:32:19,160 --> 00:32:22,490 It's none of my business after the wedding. 524 00:32:22,490 --> 00:32:26,710 Because she's not mine anymore, she's his now. 525 00:32:26,710 --> 00:32:29,770 That's what the Bible teaches. 526 00:32:29,770 --> 00:32:33,390 Any butt kicking needs to happen before the wedding, all right? 527 00:32:33,390 --> 00:32:41,320 That's the way it works, because you can't sit there ... Look, if some guy wants to be 528 00:32:41,320 --> 00:32:45,520 around my daughter that I don't want around my daughter, he's not going to be around my 529 00:32:45,519 --> 00:32:52,409 daughter, because I'm going to be stronger than him or I'll get a bigger stick. 530 00:32:52,410 --> 00:32:54,710 The bottom line is, you know what? 531 00:32:54,710 --> 00:32:58,420 After the wedding, people need to realize it's over. 532 00:32:58,419 --> 00:33:00,279 You're done. 533 00:33:00,280 --> 00:33:05,100 You had your chance to raise your child, and to bring them up in the nurtured admonition 534 00:33:05,100 --> 00:33:10,820 of the Lord and to teach them and to guide them and now you are passing that baton off 535 00:33:10,820 --> 00:33:17,340 to hopefully a godly man, hopefully a worthy man and you have to ... You're trusting him 536 00:33:17,340 --> 00:33:19,340 now with your daughter. 537 00:33:19,340 --> 00:33:24,700 Now it's up to him and I'm just telling you that if you have adult children who come to 538 00:33:24,700 --> 00:33:29,310 you bad-mouthing their husband and, "Oh, come on over, sweetie, stay at our house for a 539 00:33:29,309 --> 00:33:30,309 few days. 540 00:33:30,309 --> 00:33:31,309 You need some space." 541 00:33:31,309 --> 00:33:36,469 No, you need a swift kick in the pants is what you need, and I'm talking to you, Dad. 542 00:33:36,470 --> 00:33:38,780 I'm talking to everybody involved. 543 00:33:38,779 --> 00:33:40,859 Everybody involved needs a kick in the pants. 544 00:33:40,860 --> 00:33:50,360 Well, the women shouldn't be in pants, so that proves I was talking about the dad. 545 00:33:50,360 --> 00:33:54,980 Bottom line is that meddling in-laws are destroying marriages today. 546 00:33:54,980 --> 00:33:55,980 It's the truth. 547 00:33:55,980 --> 00:34:01,100 It's fact, because they provide that Plan B also, that we talked about this morning 548 00:34:01,100 --> 00:34:02,190 that shouldn't exist. 549 00:34:02,190 --> 00:34:05,230 There shouldn't be a Plan B for a man or a woman going into it. 550 00:34:05,230 --> 00:34:10,340 They should go into it as do or die, literally. 551 00:34:10,340 --> 00:34:15,380 When in-laws get involved and they can cause strife and friction, but not only ... That's 552 00:34:15,380 --> 00:34:18,030 kind of an extreme example. 553 00:34:18,030 --> 00:34:21,350 When the wife is going home and crying to mom, and by the way, there was one woman who 554 00:34:21,350 --> 00:34:22,950 did that in the Bible that I can think of. 555 00:34:22,950 --> 00:34:23,950 I can only think of one. 556 00:34:23,950 --> 00:34:25,540 Does anybody remember who it was? 557 00:34:25,540 --> 00:34:28,070 It's a pretty bad story. 558 00:34:28,070 --> 00:34:30,190 It's a really bad story in the Bible. 559 00:34:30,190 --> 00:34:31,730 Does anybody remember? 560 00:34:31,730 --> 00:34:35,760 The woman who went home crying to Solomon? 561 00:34:35,760 --> 00:34:36,760 What's that? 562 00:34:36,760 --> 00:34:38,380 Yeah, that's true she did go home to dad, too. 563 00:34:38,379 --> 00:34:40,149 That wasn't the one I was thinking of. 564 00:34:40,149 --> 00:34:41,149 Zipporah, okay. 565 00:34:41,149 --> 00:34:46,599 I was thinking of that woman in Judges Nineteen that went home to dad. 566 00:34:46,599 --> 00:34:53,349 That didn't turn out so well, but anyway ... But I'm saying that as in-laws, and I know our 567 00:34:53,349 --> 00:34:57,739 church is really young so we don't really have a lot of people in our church that have 568 00:34:57,740 --> 00:34:59,510 adult children. 569 00:34:59,510 --> 00:35:04,390 We do have some, but most of the people in our church are too young to have adult children. 570 00:35:04,390 --> 00:35:09,540 But you know, it's better to learn this now than to learn it when you're already all emotional 571 00:35:09,540 --> 00:35:11,980 about it and you've already made dumb decisions. 572 00:35:11,980 --> 00:35:16,090 It's better to learn this when your child is small and when your child is maybe a teenager 573 00:35:16,090 --> 00:35:21,570 or a little kid, that you're not going to meddle in your children's marriage, and that 574 00:35:21,570 --> 00:35:24,980 you're going to let the husband be the boss in that home. 575 00:35:24,980 --> 00:35:29,570 You're not going to step in, "Well, he shouldn't be doing that, and he needs to do this, and 576 00:35:29,570 --> 00:35:34,910 you need to tell him this," and blah blah, just usurping that authority. 577 00:35:34,910 --> 00:35:37,160 What does the Bible teach in Numbers Thirty? 578 00:35:37,160 --> 00:35:39,340 Who's the boss after she gets married? 579 00:35:39,339 --> 00:35:41,029 Is Dad still the boss? 580 00:35:41,030 --> 00:35:43,630 Is he still disannulling sweetie-pie's vows? 581 00:35:43,630 --> 00:35:44,630 No. 582 00:35:44,630 --> 00:35:46,100 It's done. 583 00:35:46,099 --> 00:35:49,909 That's her husband's job now to make those decisions and he doesn't have that right any 584 00:35:49,910 --> 00:35:51,040 longer. 585 00:35:51,040 --> 00:35:58,600 Not only that extreme example of the girl going home to Mama and crying to Daddy and, 586 00:35:58,599 --> 00:36:02,899 "Oh, he treats me so bad." 587 00:36:02,900 --> 00:36:10,300 Not only that, but also there are just other situations that are less obvious, where there's 588 00:36:10,300 --> 00:36:15,430 a badmouthing of your spouse going on by your family. 589 00:36:15,430 --> 00:36:17,140 This could go both male or female. 590 00:36:17,140 --> 00:36:21,080 This could be a husband who gets around his family and they talk bad about his wife to 591 00:36:21,079 --> 00:36:22,079 him. 592 00:36:22,079 --> 00:36:23,079 Let me tell you something. 593 00:36:23,079 --> 00:36:27,809 If my family would ever say anything bad about my wife to me, I would immediately defend 594 00:36:27,810 --> 00:36:32,370 her and immediately take her side every time. 595 00:36:32,369 --> 00:36:37,629 I will side with my wife against you, and I will side with my wife against family. 596 00:36:37,630 --> 00:36:40,230 I will not side with my wife against Jesus. 597 00:36:40,230 --> 00:36:45,640 That's the one that has our supreme loyalty, but I would side with my wife against anybody 598 00:36:45,640 --> 00:36:46,640 else. 599 00:36:46,640 --> 00:36:52,250 I'm not going to throw my wife under the bus to make family happy, and the same way goes 600 00:36:52,250 --> 00:36:53,460 for her. 601 00:36:53,460 --> 00:36:57,750 She should not tolerate people badmouthing me unto her. 602 00:36:57,750 --> 00:36:59,730 "Well, your husband, blah, blah, blah." 603 00:36:59,730 --> 00:37:01,390 There are a lot of people who badmouth me and her. 604 00:37:01,390 --> 00:37:03,900 I'm not saying in our family. 605 00:37:03,900 --> 00:37:08,080 I'm saying just in general, and my wife and I, if we're going to be loyal to each other, 606 00:37:08,080 --> 00:37:11,320 we should defend each other and stand up for each other. 607 00:37:11,320 --> 00:37:17,390 If you have to choose who you're going to burn and if you have to choose which relationship 608 00:37:17,390 --> 00:37:22,100 is going to be harmed, you should always harm the relationship other than your spouse. 609 00:37:22,099 --> 00:37:27,739 If you have to say goodbye to a friend because of the fact that it's coming between you and 610 00:37:27,740 --> 00:37:31,700 your spouse, you need to say goodbye to that friend if so need be. 611 00:37:31,700 --> 00:37:36,140 If you need to stay away from your family for awhile, stay away from relatives for awhile, 612 00:37:36,140 --> 00:37:40,650 brothers and sisters, parents, because of a conflict that it's causing between you and 613 00:37:40,650 --> 00:37:42,760 your spouse, you need to preserve your marriage. 614 00:37:42,760 --> 00:37:50,860 I'm telling you, marriages today are an uphill battle in our country, because of the fact 615 00:37:50,859 --> 00:37:54,839 that our culture has destroyed the institution of marriage. 616 00:37:54,839 --> 00:37:57,249 It's hard for marriages to work anymore. 617 00:37:57,250 --> 00:38:01,540 That's why you see so much divorce and even amongst marriages, you see a lot of unhappiness 618 00:38:01,540 --> 00:38:07,650 and strife and drama, because it's just hard to have a godly marriage these days. 619 00:38:07,650 --> 00:38:14,000 It's important that you do everything you can to make that job of having a good marriage 620 00:38:14,000 --> 00:38:17,450 a little easier, not making it harder. 621 00:38:17,450 --> 00:38:22,240 When you allow extended family to create ... You say, "Why are you talking about this?" 622 00:38:22,240 --> 00:38:27,220 Because tons of people have issues with this all the time and I hear about it all the time. 623 00:38:27,220 --> 00:38:32,080 Those that are young married, newly married, need this advice of saying, you know what? 624 00:38:32,080 --> 00:38:36,810 The most important relationship is between you and your spouse. 625 00:38:36,810 --> 00:38:42,580 If you have to ... If you need some space from somebody, it needs to be from your parents, 626 00:38:42,580 --> 00:38:47,510 from your brothers and sisters, from friends. 627 00:38:47,510 --> 00:38:52,810 I would switch churches in a heartbeat before I'd switch spouses. 628 00:38:52,810 --> 00:38:57,410 I mean, think about it. 629 00:38:57,410 --> 00:38:58,440 I would switch churches. 630 00:38:58,440 --> 00:39:04,170 I'm not saying go to a bad church, but I would switch to another Independent Fundamental 631 00:39:04,170 --> 00:39:08,990 Baptist Church, I'd switch to another church that's a Bible preaching church if it would 632 00:39:08,990 --> 00:39:14,840 improve my relationship with my wife, and if there was a problem somehow with that church, 633 00:39:14,839 --> 00:39:15,999 because I'm telling you. 634 00:39:16,000 --> 00:39:22,120 Amongst my human relationships, I believe that my number 1 relationship is with my wife. 635 00:39:22,119 --> 00:39:29,199 I'm going to put her first, amongst human ... Not before the Lord, but before human 636 00:39:29,200 --> 00:39:33,550 relationships like church friends, or even a church in general. 637 00:39:33,550 --> 00:39:37,510 I'm not saying I would ever get out of church, because that would be coming between me and 638 00:39:37,510 --> 00:39:38,510 the Lord. 639 00:39:38,510 --> 00:39:41,050 I'd never get out of church, but I would even switch churches. 640 00:39:41,050 --> 00:39:45,750 I would even separate from family, separate from friends, before I ever separated from 641 00:39:45,750 --> 00:39:50,500 my spouse or before I ever allowed that to destroy my marriage. 642 00:39:50,500 --> 00:39:55,990 Just remember this, maybe it's not something you're going through right now, but just remember, 643 00:39:55,990 --> 00:40:01,970 as you go through this long life, married decades, spending all these years together, 644 00:40:01,970 --> 00:40:07,470 that when family is badmouthing your spouse, you stick up for your spouse. 645 00:40:07,470 --> 00:40:12,190 When family is coming between you and your spouse, you stick with your spouse, you cleave 646 00:40:12,190 --> 00:40:14,330 to your ... You leave them and you cleave to your spouse. 647 00:40:14,329 --> 00:40:22,299 That's what the Bible says, and when you have a situation where there's strife and friction, 648 00:40:22,300 --> 00:40:28,600 the people that need to be backed off from are extended family or friendships, not your 649 00:40:28,599 --> 00:40:29,719 spouse. 650 00:40:29,720 --> 00:40:34,480 That should be the number one most important relationship in your life. 651 00:40:34,480 --> 00:40:41,160 On the flip-side, don't be that person who tries to come between a husband and his wife. 652 00:40:41,160 --> 00:40:43,480 That's a wicked place to be. 653 00:40:43,480 --> 00:40:46,480 God hates those who sow discord among brethren. 654 00:40:46,480 --> 00:40:51,570 How much more would God hate it if someone were to step in and create marital strife 655 00:40:51,569 --> 00:40:57,379 and create a conflict where there was none between husband and wife. 656 00:40:57,380 --> 00:40:59,170 This sermon's about loyalty. 657 00:40:59,170 --> 00:41:02,120 We should be loyal to the Lord. 658 00:41:02,119 --> 00:41:03,939 We should be loyal to our parents. 659 00:41:03,940 --> 00:41:05,810 We should be loyal to our friends. 660 00:41:05,810 --> 00:41:12,210 We should be loyal and faithful to brothers and sisters and family and people, but where 661 00:41:12,210 --> 00:41:16,350 does our loyalty lie when it comes to a conflict? 662 00:41:16,349 --> 00:41:23,099 Well, it should always be the Lord first and then secondly, stick with your spouse, and 663 00:41:23,100 --> 00:41:31,500 then thirdly after that is everybody else, and sometimes all you can do is keep the Lord 664 00:41:31,500 --> 00:41:33,910 happy and your spouse happy. 665 00:41:33,910 --> 00:41:39,450 If you can do those two things, you've done a lot and you just call it good. 666 00:41:39,450 --> 00:41:41,430 If you can keep some other people happy, great. 667 00:41:41,430 --> 00:41:45,780 Honestly, those are the two big ones in that order. 668 00:41:45,780 --> 00:41:50,950 It's epidemic, the marriage problems that are caused by people not minding their own 669 00:41:50,950 --> 00:41:59,260 business and getting involved in other people's issues and not respecting the boundaries of 670 00:41:59,260 --> 00:42:04,970 marriage, and respecting that bond as being the supreme bond outside of a relationship 671 00:42:04,970 --> 00:42:05,970 with the Lord. 672 00:42:05,970 --> 00:42:07,220 Let's bow our heads and have a word of prayer. 673 00:42:07,220 --> 00:42:09,870 Father we thank you so much for being faithful to us. 674 00:42:09,870 --> 00:42:12,290 We know that you're always faithful and loyal to us. 675 00:42:12,290 --> 00:42:14,510 You'll never leave us nor forsake us. 676 00:42:14,510 --> 00:42:20,810 Lord, help us to show you the same courtesy and also Lord, the wife or the husband that 677 00:42:20,810 --> 00:42:25,430 has been given to us, Lord, help us to be loyal and faithful and true and to keep that 678 00:42:25,430 --> 00:42:32,240 vow and to realize, hey, that's the most important relationship, not friends, not extended family. 679 00:42:32,240 --> 00:42:36,050 We love our parents, we love our children, but it's our spouse that should take number 680 00:42:36,050 --> 00:42:38,120 one place, Lord. 681 00:42:38,119 --> 00:42:39,559 Help us to be loyal to our friends. 682 00:42:39,560 --> 00:42:43,830 Help us be loyal to everyone Lord, as much as possible, but help us never to get these 683 00:42:43,829 --> 00:42:51,219 priorities out of whack, start choosing friends over you, Lord, or choosing family over you, 684 00:42:51,220 --> 00:42:55,470 or choosing to side with our parents against our spouse, or whatever, Lord. 685 00:42:55,470 --> 00:42:56,940 Help that to never take place. 686 00:42:56,940 --> 00:42:57,940 In Jesus' name we pray. 687 00:42:57,940 --> 00:42:57,941 Amen.