families that are going through transition into divorce feel comfortable and nursed either in their new space or reclaiming their old space after such a horrific transition i have a very interesting guest on with me again this is the best story we were just on like ten minutes ago so what's happened here today i'm having terry lyons remain here for another show because we had such a blast with the first show so everybody please turn into the first show it was all about a madison we had so much fun that now we're going to be talking about we both have books coming out but us is already actually out so when i talk about it mine's from a lions and associates divorce attorney it's called seriously as if divorce wasn't bad enough and the subtitle is as the untimely arrival of chin hair so the book is about a little bit divorced men a pause and divorce the core tips can i tell you one thing about men yet because i've been no mine has done very disturbing though i don't believe that it's fair that the universe is simultaneously bestowed upon me acne and gray hair i feel like that should be an either or proposition  this is a cool title sticks and stones thank you yeah the title is sticks and stones like lessons from a lawyer the one of the book is set up is it takes life lessons that we've been taught every day looks at them pairs them with legal stories and turns them on their head besides being a lawyer i have a master's degree in social work and so it makes me look at the world a little bit differently and so every single chapter there's a bunch of chapters and you're there of really short some of them are really funny some of them will make you cry there is one chapter in here that is so disturbing that people have told me they've after they've read it they've got to put the book down and walk away it is really moving people's passions the title sticks and stones comes from the first chapter now when we were growing  up joey we've all been taught you can help me here sticks and stones may break my bones but names can never hurt me completely ok sorry i think it's false we've been told that's what we were taught words are powerful right so the couple came to the attention of the press was the father had marched into a local bakery like this and i just i've seen that guy walk around he does walk around like that and he went to the bakery clerk and he said i like to buy a birthday cake that says happy birthday in office there with a swastika oh and the bakery clerk said i do that's gross i'm not making your cake the father was indignant he thought his rights of free speech were infringed upon so he wrote a letter to the editor of a local newspaper saying this violated my rights of free speech and i should be able to buy cake anywhere i want child protective services caught wind of it right they went to the home to investigate when they arrived they found nazi paraphernalia everywhere they found a substantial history of domestic violence oh my god and they found that there were allegations at least either confirm or on confirm that one of the children was back she being taught violence and how to kill like the parents did not understand why the state started litigation against something wrong nor did they understand why the judge terminated their parental rights even though the father wore his nazi uniform to the final day of court and the lesson they're in is sticks and stones may break my bones and sometimes names can hurt me it's totally true what this book also does it's great for book clubs it's doing extremely well book clubs all over the country and i'm getting you know these interesting correspondences from book clubs many of the chapters afterwards have a little also and then prompt the reader to think about it and what this chapter does after  g that story right it goes on to say which is also true although the bakery in new jersey would not make the cake the family did find a bakery in pennsylvania that would make the cake and if you owned a bakery what decision would you make and it was right around the time you may remember where there was a bakery in the midwest that didn't want to make a cake for a gay wedding and this bakery was like and so people were clearly oh you must read the book a couple years ago and they're like well that's your opinion on cake and my opinion is yummy and you know a lot of people have asked me it's interesting a lot of people have asked me all kinds of things about like you know the c e o of free speech and this and that and what i actually have have sought about is the most interesting part of that story for me is not the parents themselves not the crazy guy i'm really not interested in him because most humans when we look at him instantly dismiss him and say he's crazy i'm never like that so i don't have to look at my own behavior right i'm intrigued by the bakery clerk yeah because so many of us are that bakery clerk maybe the right answer is to make a cake for somebody and maybe it's not maybe it's not and that's not but most of us are afraid to identify with the bakery clerk because that's where the difficult decision is too many of us are dismissive of people at the extreme because we're never like them right they're just out love that it's thought provoking like that and i you you well how did the book basically come about like rabid you decide oh my gosh i mean i understand the title i understand how it all happened but was it just a a culmination of a lot of lawyer things happening and cases and interesting people who said you know i got a writer because i want to say to you terry you need to write a book so here's what happened so here's what happened i i was in court one day and in again besides being a lawyer i have a master's degree in social work and that makes me look at the world in a different way and the last show i was on we talked about star wars on the side if you missed the photo showed it actually madison  both a master's degree in social work and a law degree and it makes you look at the world differently so one day i'm sitting in court and the other thing that people should know about the legal system when you've got a coworker ninety percent of the time you're sitting there all day yeah you think you're going the you what was i think and what was i thinking and you know what by by you looking fabulous when i see fabulous maybe at your clothes maybe at your attitude by looking fabulous when you go to court couple things one it tells your spouse that he or she no longer has a motional power over you right you've you have you've gone from lemons to lemon cello lemon so let me go with it on the rocks on the rocks i don't know i don't now look look fabulous so you're in court you're sitting there all day i was sitting there waiting my turn and i saw something on fold in front of me and i was like everyone you know was it was pretty you know unique moment the courts and i'm ha well that's a new take on the lesson blah blah blah i was exact opposite of what you've always been right right back to my office i jotted it down because my office does a lot of blogging we do a lot of social media stuff we have about ten thousand twitter followers about twenty eight hundred facebook followers people that follow us get all kinds of educational articles all kinds of tremendous antidotes good connections to wonderful professionals like you like want who help people in transition your what are your biggest fans i want to be you  my stuff in your office i do i actually in my office i believe that i have an ethical duty to connect to my clients to professionals or to help them through the trans am and i am honored to have your stuff in my office  the name of this chapter and by the way the really cool thing about this book is if you're not a good c i'm really i'm a lawyer and lawyers think we're smarter than we are but lawyers are equally dumb because we we assume our own intelligence one really cool thing about this book is the chapters are short yeah you could read like one chapter and five minutes put it down and make it feel like you did read it for a day you know it's a good thing it's like a book for people who have a d d and that's me and there's a bright light i'm looking at  by the way the best review i got of this book and speaking of a d d the better look on the back of the book then the best review i got of this book was by a teenage girl and what was her take on my book it's not as much fun as my  love am i but it's great that i write so so this particular chapter is on one page you can read you can you can tell your friends i wrote a chapter in a book today and it's one page so let me let me read this guy i have read it i know that i know which one you're going to read and the title of the story is when it rains it pours michael was convicted of a double murder that he did not commit at the age of twenty seven he was sentenced to serve life in prison without parole michael went to jail for a very long time when michael was sixty one years old new evidence came to light the prosecutor was forced to admit that the original conviction was wrong michael was a free man he was an old man but he was a free man none the less less than forty eight hours after being released from prison michael suffered a stroke michael is now paralyzed he has traded the confines of iron bars for the confines of an on your chair and the lesson there is bad things do happen to good people it's what you do with it it's what you do with it and that is a start do the right thing then get the right grades make the right friends and everything will be ok right now and as grownups when we first learn that that's not true it's devastating it's devastating and we have a choice when we when we encounter that crisis we can meet it and work through it or we can let it conquer us and  things do happen to good people too i'm in a state of crisis but three i'm going to come out this the other side differently oh yeah melanie darrow does that at her salon i try to do that through the legal system i love what you do amazing my message is that follow me because i've already walked in your shoes i've already lost my home in twenty years i've been i've dealt with illness within my my family i've been financially devastated  do what i'm sorry god here we go ready i'm sorry i have to read this forgive me forgive me forgive me go ahead i don't think i know this one the lesson the beginning of this chapter is possession is nine tenths of the law is a list of items that were dropped off at a local attorney's office for safekeeping some of these items were deposited lawyers office per court order some of these items were dropped off because clients thought the items would be helpful to other cases some of these items diary empty box of bottles disney christmas ornaments a broken computer george bush bible head not w the other one ok got it or used underwear brooks brothers suits wedding photo album a bottle of wine one nine hundred seventy eight what are you say that something is something no way that's a whole nother show ok that's a whole nother show a prosthetic arm now i could watch another show i've heard of people saying their lawyers cost an arm and a leg and i love to do that but and then it falls on it's not section of the roof from a battery manufacturing company and the life lesson there is the best things in life or in court cases are not necessarily things and i go on to say there is no class in law school that teaches lawyers how to handle people's stuff right physical emotional or otherwise yet every day lawyers are charged with just that having to decide what to do with and how to handle people's stuff if and this is why again book clubs love this if due to life's circumstances your possessions were in danger of being lost and you could bring just admire you for dealing with us duff because it means being walked through the client's home with them and i walk around my favorite thing in the whole world as is painter's tape because it sticks on things and it doesn't ruin a thing and i write notes and we t and how do you tell them what he what we take in for three different reasons one is number one is it going to fit into their new space the map alone would dictate whether you take it or not so even if you love it if it doesn't i don't like math i know i don't either so i make them measure the second thing is what is the emotional impact of that of the pet remains or the on watch is like make you happy sad is it an anniversary vase set your ex gave you that makes you volume i just like it right or is it something that your child made a vase that your child made that you want to bring with you so we determine we tag it is it something that make uplift you or pull away a showdown ok ok and then after and then after all of that is is determined then where do we place those items so these items in your new space the whole point is that every room in your home should do its job every room has a job your bedroom should be a sanctuary or should be a place of safety where you feel good is actually you are in that ok so the kitchen should be a place where you inspire experimentation where you want to cook with your family or maybe you want to cook for the first and you're having a date come over you want to be house proud again you want to feel like your so your house is not also residence because a lot of people can't afford a house to home what i say on my tagline is we're house becomes a home a house in my case was a two was a five hundred square foot apartment that was rented but you know what that place was on the on the cover of a magazine within three months and that was where we to me was born because i realized i sat in that space lost my big house and i and i meet with a new let me explore your i lost my stuff and was a good metaphor in life oh my god i need to lose our stock we need to lose our stuff it felt better i have another tip if you like you know something i don't know i want to take this i want to take that i've said this before if you have a friend hold stuff for you just take it for now because it doesn't fit in your new space if you don't remember what the stuff is you gave them you don't need it come like cleaning out your closet it's like coming out of the closet and then actually just get money which we could talk about  create a nourishing comforting environment once you've left your marital home you know i'll tell you that in my my legal experience those clients that are most successful with their legal cases  are those people that get their house in order and when i mean house i mean proverbial house i mean where they feel safe and confident in their home again i mean where they feel like they look fabulous you know i mean where they don't give their spouse emotional power over them and so you know candidly for i have found that those clients that can afford your services in the long run it winds up saving so much other emotional and financial heartache by it's almost like if if if you do what you're supposed to do in the morning the rest of the day it will take care of it's true it will give you what you need to move forward through your life you know why because taking care of your house and surrounding yourself with colors that you like and things that you like is a tangible act think about this tear you can touch it you can move the coffee table you can paint the walls blue like i did and it's with it something that's within your right and it's within your control because so much of the process of going through trades out of your control whether it's divorce whether it's you're a widow with out whether it's you have a catastrophic illness in your home so much of life is beyond our control so if you can take control of  can bring people on like you and you can give these tips for free and if they want to buy your book that's great or you are you are not i don't care exactly and when they listen to me i give them these tips and they can have them for free and do what they will or call me if they want it doesn't matter you know what we're they can look at you google lines and associates you google sticks and stones like lessons from a lawyer you come up the you'll find us and i look forward to being found and i look forward to connecting people to us and connecting people to you ok great thank you and certainly is first because nine eight five four three eight six i hope we helped i hope you laughed i hope you felt good and thank you again for coming excellent thank you thanks