is perfect ok thanks kim but kimberly is a musician as i mentioned and i listen to her music i told her there is one song that is just continuously being in my head after listening to the tracks she sent to me but she's going to be talking today about her personal experience and journey as it pertains to music and how it has been instrumental in helping her in her life and doing the happy times as well as went things aren't going that great song second wind which described her struggles after the song was published she described to you decided sorry to make a music video dedicated to distinguish mental illness and spread the message off myself and my healing and nashville just turned me into a songwriter overnight literally i was so excited by what i saw in nashville and their songwriting and their writing skills that i wanted to do that so my journey has started there and from there i built it up through many many ways and sai which is a songwriters association in nashville gets people together networking learning the craft of songwriting so i did that for years doing workshops in nashville fluid did a cruise once with some hit songwriters several workshops one one in connecticut with my favorite beth wilson and love her that's kind of the journey and it's been a long one because i have other things going on in life so you pretty much slip in the in the middle somewhere  and then i took a tar lessons piano lessons and i started cooperating with my good friends barbara harley and al lind and they kind of also taught me a lot i'm just like a kind of a self taught musician now i come full circle now i'm going to berklee college of music online which is fall in boston one of the top colleges in the united states for music wow and i got accepted i was very impressed by that because i know now i do not know how to read a note of music but i have it in my heart and soul and such a drive and a desire that it i guess that's all you need in life yet despite maybe not a degree my learning a lot and i really enjoy berklee college of music and the environment and the online experience is better than anything at all really ever done in my life i could just give up my whole life and just go to school every day at berklee you know my hair out every day some learning mixing right now and for any of you audio engineers that's like yeah that's hard but i love it and it's writing for film and t v which is not something i ever thought i would do the pitching to artists is not so easy either and when you're not in the major music city you know it's harder to get these contacts so i started learning more about film and t v and as a matter of fact about two three years ago i vowed i would have placements in film and t v because the person who was interviewing me asked what your next goal and it was to have my songs in film and t v and now i do so and so that was kind of an interesting journey so now i pretty much dedicate all day in one to pitching to film and t v writing songs for film and saving a wow this is just powerful one experience changes lead over the next wow and somewhere in between i had children which is the most amazing experience right i'm very blessed to have that but that does stunt your growth as an artist a little a little bit so i slowed down the whole national thing i stopped going to nashville i stopped writing as much and i still put my guitar but i it was more like a living we were experiencing in for my children so somewhere around two thousand and i want to say eight i experienced one of my first or second depressions and what got me out of that was actually pretty much saying you need to do music and you need to become your own artist because i thought maybe i could become a hit song writer and write for other artists but something was telling me kim you need to go and write your own songs and not only write your own songs but sing them and get out there because the hits kept coming in and you need to sing your own songs i was like i don't know really want to be the artist you know but here i parent my children wow and i now play with my son joey in in a band because he plays guitar lead guitar like no other wow so that's a really great experience to be able to play with my child and know where he is on a saturday night exactly and that's it well that's one gene passed over for sure he's like kimmy arson four point zero though because he's so much better than me wow player and a musician wow there are no words for the gene pool and how it can improve upon generations so i'm quite pleased to see his his love for music and his perfect pitch ear and just how much he's grown in a year of playing the guitar wow and you know what's so interesting that in one chunk or do they call men like you know something remind you of something and then they just come little bits and bits and pieces of the writing go well there is really no one way i wish i could say there was one way i can just tell you a few incidences where one i was jogging in the woods without my cell phone and actually maybe i had myself and i don't remember at the time i usually don't like to bring myself in with me while i jog in nature because it's counterproductive to my getting away from all that but i was out there jogging and the song kept running through my head the lyrics as well as the melody and i literally had a job home and continuously go over and over in my head until i got home and wrote the idea down so another time i was woken up from a now for the song i am soul which is a gift from the heavens to have to get up out of my nap i was actually sleep deprived back then so i really needed to nap but something told me get up and write the song and it has been the most requested fan favorite song of all of our songs i am so written about depression someone i know who suffers greatly from depression and anxiety so while kind of get up for that once that was another way and sometimes on my co writers on a more current situation will send me a melody a groove a chord something i've never done before until more recent years were more experience more i would write the lyrics and then mold musical around the lyric you know you can work but you know what's interesting when you're talking what i'm hearing is that there's so much  and it's all about choice because you went to nashville and your life changed it and you you follow through with all of that and one of the other things that you said that really struck me was that when you were saying no i just want to be  i don't want to write music i don't be the writer you know and the depression sometimes i feel when we're running away from what we're supposed to be doing then we get somewhere sometime soon after exactly i agree and while i'm a firm believer in the cure to all mental illness is to do what you're supposed to do while you're here on this earth just follow through you know all of through and shine your light because this is it this is your chance exactly i thought and makes a difference in so many people's lives you know and people feel the essence of you when you're doing what you're supposed to do they feel that and it trickles in through every hour every part of your life even if it's my day job you know where i work to get paid actually sort of not sure i d paid for music but not as much that's going to change or sort of that's going to change so it trickles through that happiness for doing what i love is there all the time so i can try it comes out in other areas of my life my joy exactly transition of going from someone who works to someone who is a stay at home mom for the summer is a transition and it's difficult for anyone to have all this free time to write to do everything i want to do and then i have to stop in my tracks and take care of children all summer which isn't a horrible thing but it isn't a huge transition for the brain so i called psychological part of yourself that says everything's got to change so i think that transition does add to it i'm not saying it caused it i kind of think the depression comes from biological as well and that runs deep on both sides of my family ok now my dad died when i was four but i really didn't know that that much about his side of the family because we didn't really you know know that well so i'm beginning to find friends and family on the on so that probably stress being a songwriter and a dental hygienist and a mother of two and two bands while going to college and trying to run a household i'm tired just isn't here is very stressful wow now a musician job is to stay up until two o'clock in the morning sing and act like everything's awesome whether you want to be to be awesome or not whether you feeling great or not right you are all on you have to be entertaining that's pretty stressful yet and then you got to wake up and go to church in ten thirty in the morning which i i have fallen asleep many a time in ice close during you know but i mean who i am doing the best i can and i think what happened was it's a cumulation of stress over time can cause it cyclical runs so how did it manifest itself in your life depression just just draining depression no motivation dread something that is not recognizable to anyone who knows me it's why that's the scary part when people are looking at you and like oh my god what is wrong with you i'm kind of like no i'm still here please don't make me feel you were sent here to do i know you need to be kim kim happy kim all the time you know how can but right now i'm not that so that's the hard part is the mirror back in your face exactly that was hard but i managed to play through some of those my shows with depression and still somehow make it you know i'll just work through it well and i think i've kept walking and jogging or exercising exactly and i think that's part of the challenge sometimes when when when when you're in that space people can't understand they just think to snap out of it some yes i'm not understand it well because they've been through it you know and others don't understand it right they accept that you're going through it and they don't really they haven't had the experience right so they try to give you advice but it's the more you know until you've been there right exactly so i call that the valley experience so how did you get out of your val climb i jogged i went out i mean i remember driving my kids in the summer on my bike to go to the chocolate factory just to just get out of the house but at the same time on the phone i think her pissed because i was waiting for the call so i would drive and do bike rides with my kids and do all you know go here there and everywhere to try to just get out of my house get out of my own way get up and just keep going while so it was really just not fun but it was what i did just to keep going so what i mean and i did some supplements that were at the time very helpful and i did counseling which at the time is very helpful while i got one of the best councils in all of the land who resides right here in princeton amazing counselor not her but it can afford that i mean this is where only i spent four and felt much better much better so that was worth it to me so i kind of think people need to kind of if they go are going through this situation get out get help be with friends right just keep doing even when you don't feel like doing i'm glad that you said that because that's what depression is a force is just that you want to isolate you don't want to do anything x and so but as you said i like that the description of  were yeah but it's you can get help from a professional but also you have to do the work on your end to comply with the professionals are telling you no as well as trying your best to do anything you new know that new that helped before you know because in the past i've gotten out of a depression through just jogging but i guess as you get older your hormones get a little wacky yeah things change so i notice that you know this this particular time around i went and did want  hormones change things can dip and that can change things as well if you have all of those factors including the biological yeah there's nothing you can do out it other than just continue to go and learn and grow write songs but you know what i think was so interesting so often what companies all of this shame it does come it's there it's there for every one of us even though we deny it as people who are very outward about my life i'm not as shy but there are still self stigma it's still there in that i don't want to tell the world about this that the other thing in exactly this and exactly that i want to keep it so myself it's nobody's business because i'm still functioning you didn't know i somehow pulled it off exactly so  that's the hard part but i think when you open up people do open up as well i think that's what the key piece of all of it is that when you open up and i said you with me when we open up a post right that we sometimes feel shameful abode is liberates other people also considering talking about this could be saving somebody who's life today's that isolates watching the show because they're learning some tips that you know i'm experiencing this maybe this is i could try this or maybe i could try that actually so there's no one recipe exactly there's i don't want to have to try it all exactly what works for you so that's the part where it's hard and so many different ways for people you know it's such an individualistic experience mentioned in the past talking would have worked by itself zach but now things have changed a bit so you have to have some other bags of bags for the graphics that you have to pull all the mental health industry isn't helpful either because sometimes you can't get a point for a month and you're kind wait a minute hold on i can't wait a month so the industry is not that great you got to get the right right person to help you really do because if you don't have that right person and you feel right away that this is not good for you you're right you person is good for you exactly they may be good for someone so over here but if they're not ready for you move on immediately and so you find that person who helps your person get as much help as you can inside and out like all my friends have been the best i could ever ask for i have the most supportive friends i mean not this just not too long ago i was like sobbing in front of my whole band before band practice but we we played we had a blast it was great they love me through it and it was done w e it was fine but then again i have a amazing support system that is critical so that it's likely handle yet i can't complain while you're blessed not everybody understands that there are people within my unit who don't get it  right but that's ok because they don't know exactly you can't understand what you don't know your self exactly so i just let that go and i go to my people exactly and you know what all the people the individuals in our lives is to not isolate right do not isolate i mean i would go as far as i have this wonderful co writer in england i would go as far as when i was so down skype ing him and chatting with my co writer from england and he was an amazing resource because he understands mental illness and mental health issues and he was very loving and i just can't thank people enough for just because it's i don't want to be around people who are depressed right right i don't know me who's been depressed i have a higher tolerance for people have anxiety and who have any kind of mental health issues and i have a very i'm very patient in my job i get it you know so i'm  patient but i understand like it's like a dark tunnel of hell and you don't want to be around it yeah that's true and it's always ask you in very for being aware of that you know how it feels for me to be around that made it harder for me to unleash the ma my depression on others you know but i had no choice that was all i could focus on in that moment wow it's really tough that's that's another thing that stuff about depression is you only focus on that all the time it's like exactly you kind of get beyond it you get a aspects of your life and it's a very common thing it happens to one in six people commissaire i mean i can talk to six people and one of them have some kind of mental health exactly but they don't want to talk about nobody was until i say something and then they're like oh yeah i have it too  you know anything medical right except the stigma is worse for mental illness unfortunately that's the big picture there's a big big big so i think people need to be a little more patient understanding and for those who don't understand mental illness maybe go and read a couple  books on the illness so that you can better understand that it's not people making this up right they can't just turn it off and whatnot and there's a lot of training and education happening now i don't know if you have heard about this at those called mental health first aid is similar to mental health the type of physical illness if you're in a restaurant and someone is stroking in a sense you kind of know what to do right here if someone is exhibiting signs or symptoms of a sta have relationships with to be able to identify that something is happening so you have to be a certified trained trainer i'm a turd fry trainer so like this weekend i was in warren county training a group of professionals and wonderful so tell me a boat second when well second wind was basically the best way i could describe depression and beating that second wind to get out of it and the lyrics just speak for themselves so anyone ever has a chance you can go watch the video where can we get the video you tube kimmie arse and second wind and thank thanking my co writer line a lot from austria vienna austria i'm going to is there some day i've placed say apparently but  is a great songwriter and he helped me to take my idea and make it even better so i had nothing that i do i do alone either god's help in me or co writers a very taken care of in all ways so i can say but this co writer and i were very felt very strongly about the song and we completed it finished it and i told him i was going to do a music video for it and i found this guy rashawn tyson i believe last name is who helped me with the video production and he did an amazing job  i saw it on line so here this is a great time to actually talk about those times talk about says my latest and this was based on a song i wrote at berklee college of music and hip hit song writing class that my instructor who taught there told me he really thought the song was very commercial so i basically decided i would do  a documentary film called american chaos so that was kind of cool and beautiful night is in a show called southern comfort several times so i just exciting stuff but it's like a champagne bubble would be your absolute opposite of second w as we all play and have opposites right we all have our inner yeah yeah the rise like a champagne bubble would be being my best self and really going for it live in my life and sharing it with others that's always what i've wanted to do and it's always been my and but not least satisfied which was my first ever ever and this is what started the whole thing so i'm just grateful to continue to do music while i'm thankful satisfied filled with joy and i'm rising oh just definitely so time will tell of you was whole day can