talking about life after enduring a tragedy and this woman here really knows what that is because not didn't she go through it once but she actually went through with twice and so she's going to be sharing wow moving beyond significant loss to reclaim your life that's what we're going to be talking about today you know i came across this quote that said sad things happen they do but we don't need a i was in a fire was pregnant with my first child my first husband and i were in an apartment fire and brooklyn new york and that farrior changed the trajectory of my life and there so i was pregnant recently mary months at exactly a few months married and our apartment that we were living in was can sumed with smoke ok i went to bed the night of the fire kissed my husband goodnight and the next thing i knew it was several days later and i was in the hospital wow so what had happened was there was some unsavory activity going on and in the we were found unconscious and assumed it was ok to the point where there was a little argument he did say going on between the fire department and the police department about whether or not we should even be resuscitated wow so we were resuscitate it enough to be taken to two separate hyperbaric chambers in this happened in the city of new york  did live for about a month after being in the chamber and passed away in november the fire was in october so he passed away in the event i was pregnant with our first child and doctors did want to terminate the pregnancy my mother insisted no i will not do that so little eric that was his name was born in february  hundred eighty eight meeting i think me and was not expected to live but he lived for three years wow he thrives for three years we had to move from brooklyn to philadelphia area because of children's hospital in the services and so forth that were available here in this area and eric passed away when he was three years old well so i had my husband's death never had an opportunity to be really greedy simply because my condition was very fragile physically emotionally and mentally  in order to bring my child to to birth so i really had to be careful about how i was managing my emotions come to find out when eric was born it was a c section birth took place and i write about that in the book gratefully disappointed because the gratitude is having had an opportunity to be myself and mother months pregnant at the time so during that period is when your respiratory system is is developing so eric was born full term c section and  few hours after the app cars were fine but a few hours after the app cars were taken his condition deteriorated and he had to be taken to another hospital  that was better equipped to handle his his medical challenges and at three days old he was had his first surgery and had a trait implanted in his and his had a multitude of hospital visit i mean the gamut of medical care for him nurses twenty four seven at home a support system that for me is second to second to none because my family surrounded me with a lot of attention and just greats ok seriously just grace there was no way possible for me to for me or eric to thrive had it not been for my family and i talk about this too in the book about  course support systems excuse me and the importance of having them in order to move your life forward because in the midst of all of that ok there is still the grief  s i did it wasn't a small with right now so how did you mention that you didn't have of course you didn't have time to grieve because no you had to take your attention and your deceased husband to really focus on your child you  day today you don't know what people are walking around with this ultra and me was just moving alone ok suck it up and move it along no process saying no therapy none of  that actually i had gone to on to three doctors ok and all three of them during the course of having lost my husband and then my son told me you know you're fine you know just  you know a session or two and you're fine you can just go on with your life and i'm like ok i'm good so i just keep movin and my mother passed away and i talk about this in the book basis when you know of course when my son died she was there for that and she was there for my husband and she was there for the appointments with eric back and forth to the hospital and the nurses the nine merge and sees all of those things she was there for and then she wasn't there anymore ok and after they were gone i had her  sisterhood and when when the mother is explaining to the door what happened to her with her breakdown well that that's kind of what happened to me so i'm at work and i in a meeting an important meeting and new to a position ok that i really had not a clue about and i felt like i was being interrogated so some kind of paranoia like overtaking realized that i needed help well i went home and god bless my husband now rosie for twenty plus years it up to go to work one morning the new path was made for me to deal with the grief two three times and peel back this onion a layer at a time to get to the source so that but i needed to do that in order to heal ok so looking back i can say gratefully disappointed that i had that been that way but i'm grateful for every and all of the law ok because it would all of that make me who i am today and to be able to share it ok and words to help someone else who's fire happened in the apartment that i lived in before we married well ok and i felt responsible ok and i was made to feel and i believe in the lord ok and he is the one who brought me this far and gave me this lesson for it ok this news to spread that no matter what we have endured no matter what we have been through there is a message in them that was ok there is a proverbial message that we have to give to other people to help them get out of it you know said that because i came across this all it said sometimes you have to be in a struggle success trouble and that's basically what you just said sometimes you have to be in a struggle to fix a struggle so how did you six your struggle so you're friend contact not you ryan contacted me and told me that you know she's just bring a surrender and i'm going to help you ok now when somebody offers to help you you have to want to be help exactly ok that's step number one you have to want to be helped and i wanted to to move to the next step and i was at the point where i did i know i knew i recognized that i needed help she called me and there's nothing wrong with me i don't need help well i needed help and i knew i needed help and when i called both of those people to make appointments the therapists psychologists i let her know i said i'm not suicidal i realize that i need some help and the day before the day before the meeting i had with the shrink ok that was the day i blew  last appointment with her she gave me an assignment and she always gave me home mark i was at home want to do this final assignment is what really got me to this place sitting here with you right now and that was say how do we do that ok rosie my husband and i have this fact of cloying that we have been collecting and we took those that that's the legacy we're done where i want is like now there's more you know you gotta remember eric was a special needs child is a lot of special needs parents out here i have a special needs heart and i'm like what am i supposed to do and we started collecting the job for children in the hospital because every form a social worker informed  new york and as far south as violent new jersey wow ok in hospitals and pediatric facilities and we continue to give a scholarship through our church annually and erik's thing and we have some fun forgiveness test oh out on the website right now that you can download and take the forgiveness i q test and ship me an email you know to tell me what your results were  you know so that it's those are the two places where we are on the web you mentioned the as we spoke throat at the gather but we didn't really delve into what a book is about is gratefully disappointed is an oxymoron it really is but pulled it apart and you have gratitude and you have disappointment writing so in everything that we go through and like  think of it as a lesson ok so you know i didn't get that job but i did learn a better way to interview ok grateful is i learned a better way to interview disappointed i didn't get that job ok that's a simple as simple way to put it learned through forgiveness ok i had to learn that all of the that i went through i had to forgive and let it go in order for me to be in this place where i am so the person who started the fire ok i met answer to that prison is where we are when we live in a world as long as we are harboring unforgiveness is harboring ok look at their own space ok they're taking up space in your head in your in your psyche in your health ok your blood pressure is going of your cholesterol all those things are impacted because you have an hang out with you are a ok we're not buddy buddy i learned my lesson you will not have that test with me again has touched and the people it has wow well i read it and i told you i was just going away you and i thank you so much for coming on and hearing your story and i'm i just want to say you know thanks for tuning in each week and until next time