look down at the card because i want to make sure i got it right but before we get started you know what we do on the dr joy show we take it down with three deep breaths are you ready inhale exhale i want to welcome a professional coach t v show producer host natasha sherman and you have an award winning television show so i want to congratulate she is a certified impairment coach life strategist that's right you can help you get your life together and is the sole proprietor of live by design not by default you see how when i read that i just automatically you know just came out of my seat natasha works with people to intentionally strategically and powerfully powerful a produce effect the results in their lives including their careers business their relationships th communication skills they are confident and their level of personal satisfaction natasha is also the producer and host of an award winning show and that's where guest talk about and share information about significant areas in their lives so i read a great introduction but do you want to add anything to that and you know that kind of is the overview you know  and it's interesting about that because one of the things you know you people start with is tell me about yourself so you did that thank you did your research i think the thing that i like to start with in talking about coaching that's coaching really  my passion people are my passion even clinton though that was so glad you said that you know people kind of very often live kind of suppressed lives are resigned to i don't feel like they have a voice or they have significance and so it's in my television show as well as giving somebody a voice but there's this whole conversation in the world now about you know as soon as you mention you're a coach people go another coach a zack lee i want to talk about good would you please guys so many coaches out there so what is it and what are the different categories so here's the deal you don't have to be educated trained or anything you can call yourself a coach you can you know take a three hour course or no course you just think you're good at coaching and you can call yourself a coach and so that's one of the things and that's why there are this abundance of coaches and people are rolling their eyes in their head  right yeah ok but the reality is that if you're going to the olympics do you want a highly skilled trained coach who knows everything there is to know absolutely or do you want to hire somebody who who like sports and occasionally played them to coach you know i need somebody that knows what they're doing it's the same thing in the hiring a life success coach so you know they talk about oh you know maybe changing the name and then i thought no people need to know i am a life success coach i'm highly trained i have i've been in business for sixteen years it's a long time yeah i coach individuals i coach groups i write trainings i write courses i do workshops and you travel the world sharing your expertise as well so that adds to one's level of credibility i would say yes yes so yes i am a life success coach and if you're looking for a coach check out their credentials check out what should a person look for they should be trained like i actually went to a coaching school and got certified the name it's it's aipac and at that time i was called institute for professional empowerment coaching  and they've changed the name to institute for professional excellence and coach ok but it's packed ok and i did training in person online over the phone when i looked i wanted something that wasn't just over the phone i wanted weekends where we're digging in deep and doing the work and i do remember the first day he went around the room and said you know so what makes you think you want to coach and everybody talked about how they have you know people love to tell them their problems and they like people and he said that's your starting point oh yeah you know that doesn't make you a couch their skill sets very definite skill sets and training and that's what i would say to people look for it so what's your philosophy which a coaching philosophy you know it's really great i think that first of all people mostly live inside of a conversation of something's wrong with me and i need to be fixed like coaching philosophy is you don't need to be fixed just want to thrive and life and society hasn't fully supported that but you can and so it's i don't work with you to fix you i work with you to open the doors to all those things that you've kind of been shut down to or haven't had access to so that you get clearer you know so it people you know develop confidence a stronger sense of themselves we're all afraid let's face it you know we have some fans th all afraid we're all afraid of change but and that's fine you know and i have walked all those steps i have gone through this many transitions in life you know and we get stopped but it's it's ok to be afraid that's what a coach is there for to take that fear and to guide you into that first step and then the next one you know this and it's funny i love this quote i don't know where i got it but she talks about there's one thing that is guaranteed to increase your feelings of control over your life a bias toward action one step at a time she said i don't know when we all bought into the idea that in order to change you must feel eager or feel motivated to act it's complete garbage the moment it's time to assert yourself you will not feel motivated in fact you won't feel like doing anything at all and that's where a coach comes in that takes you out of that you know in the beginning we talked about  you get what you settle for yeah let's share it with all my classes and all my clients and i saw it was as best piece of graffiti i ever saw in the ladies room and it said you get what you settle for so what do you mean by that so i know i'm sure in life a lot of the conversations you hear are conversations of people feeling stock or complaining yet all the time the  time more invested in their complaints than in solutions lies that it kind of gives them it lets them off the hook from doing something about it you know and we all go oh yeah i get it i understand oh and we're all in this together and means we don't have to do anything we can all be sympathetic and as a coach i'm sympathetic empathetic but i'm going to get you to take another step so you listen when someone is sharing their challenges their issues i don't want to come complaints ok good and just trying to say they have they have some concerns yes and then you probably say ding ding ding ok time's up now what are you going to do about it kind of like that and with each client it's different you know because some people will want more rigorous coaching i've had clients who say to me ok now i want you to hold my feet to the fire zone some will say ok i need to back up a little and it's all you know customized toward writers and i don't expect one person to throw themselves but you know one of the areas of life that i'm kind of really drawn to right now in terms of coaching is women women like forty plus and why is that there's so many women suffering and it's kind of that day and age of you know women finding their voice and whatever but a lot of women first of all and not everybody but it's kind of this living in saying yes to everything throwing themselves under the bus what do you think it's because is it because that forty i mean forty plus forty plus some women have they  i call it we have the competing priorities right we are multiple hats so you someone's mother nine times out of ten you're someone you may be somebody sister or somebody is friend somebody is boss somebody is work or you know so we're giving so much much of ourselves and we don't know how to take care of ourselves or put ourselves first yeah do you think that that's a it's part of it and it's very subtle and it happens  in you know slowly where we take we feel like we can't say no we're all those demands are there and i'm not suggesting that you run off and abandon everybody and say i can coach you to manage those priorities without losing yourself learning how to like what you want learning how to make requests effective requests learning how to enroll the other people in your life to be a team learning how to operate differently at work right it's really all mindset and most women by the time they reach that stage where either their kids are going often or they're in a job that's kind of lackluster they're kind of thinking there's an old peggotty song is this all there is you know and and very often they feel like yeah that is all there is and the reality is not until the day you die they're going to keep going and it's and you can't thrive and right alighted with your life a lot of it is mindset so it's really changing your belief system about your life about the world so for instance if i think new york is a dangerous place i'm not going to new york or if i go i'm looking over my shoulder right kind of maneuvering right and i'm missing all of that other stuff right as we see what we believe we see what we're looking for but if you learn to expand and open that door and you think new york can be dangerous but you know i have a confidence that i'm aware and i can manage things and i certainly am not going to go into an area where i shouldn't but i'm lookin for the joy of new york your whole life change it's how you approach it when you're in a job and you think oh i asked once before my boss won't do this some subtle thing i'm not worth that money so then you don't ask then you operate and you accept the status quo but if you don't ask you don't get time ok and i always say you know rejection is just an interpretation of an event yeah i call it whatever you want to call that's true you know there's there's another next step you know i recently met a woman in i had never talked her before and she was probably in her sixty's and i was in you know a post office and she started talking to me and she started telling me her story and at the end it was clear that there were some really strong issues that were keeping her feeling sad and stock and whatever by without my card and i say all this and to be a call you know we can just talk and she said oh my god like this is meant to be because there are so many things i'd like to talk to you about so she didn't call i ran into her about three weeks later and i said hey how you doing you know i was hoping to hear from you and she said oh maybe someday and i'm thinking five years from now unless you shift something i'm going to meet you and you're going to have those same complaints established you want what are you waiting passing you by right i tell people i'm going to teach you how to be the c e o of your life oh i love that to produce the results you want to feel vibrant to feel alive to feel fulfilled a woman came up to me at an expo recently at a table and she said i even remember who i was before i got married well long has she been married a long time ok so it's like do you want to remember like one of the yeses you'd like to re right you know so it's not like people are doing anything wrong it's just kind of the way so she lost herself yeah ok recognizes it well that's a that's yeah that's a key step but you can't settle you can't say maybe one day some day you know i'll be happy when you know i as soon as this happens it's up to you your happiness is your job so so you're saying oh yeah i completely agree with you so you're saying if a person's going to be eat the cake by the bag by the pair of shoes take the trip along those lines or is it deeper than that it's deeper than that ok it's like you know like what do you really want as opposed to what you think you should want service yeah ok and so it's really starting to define yourself it's an inside job because most of us what we end up doing in society supports this totally is looking out there comparison comparison breeds failure i have a funny story to tell you so when i was first married i was looking for wisdom teachers and my husband and i went to india and it started out it was going to be a four month trip and it ended up being like two and a half years so we stayed in that part of the world we worked we traveled but we ended up living at a yoga center in for close to a year wow so i and we stumbled on to this place i didn't know what yoga was this is decades ago you know and so somebody told us about this place we went there and they said you know you can come in and you know we'll integrate you into our teacher training program that we're like but we said ok so all the other students and it was residential it's people from the community came in but we were living there and all the other students like yoga is the answer and they were very serious and you know he was busy feeling inadequate to the job like i'm not a good student i'm not this i'm not that look at them they're the real the real deal and then they told us that we were going to each of us would get five minutes with the founder of the institute he was in his eighty's ninety's and he's a very fiery personality and they said you get to ask him one question so i you know i'm in the room with him and i said i'm myself comparing myself and he wouldn't even let me finish and that compared compared to what mind your own business li oh yeah your life is your business that's right living your life not that person's life that's right has taken the stand it's saying your own lane but created in you don't have to look at that person the only one of you why would you want to then be somebody else right you can look at their qualities and admire them and say i'd like to be more like that and i can develop that but it's his whole sense of an adequacy like they've they're not content they've got it i haven't look here you know look inward there's this wonderful quote i love quotes so i've minutes after your birth they decide your name nationality religion and sect and you spend the rest of your life defending something you didn't even choose say that's probably that wow to be powerful choosers like start to dismantle the conversations you inherit and start to dismantle the things that don't work for you i often say to people on the you coach because no matter where you go what you're bringing with you all the things that really work well in the way you operate also all the things that don't work well in the way you operate so it's your journey i will teach you to be a powerful chooser start dismantling the things that don't work well you know you can never outperform your belief system like for instance give me a for instance so you know this belief that you should be something whatever it is wife and whatever and then noticing mostly where you fall short of the job so it's really like what is the define what does that perfect mom look like what would she be doing i once had a class tell us what this woman looks like and does and it got ridiculous you know because society she's not one ounce overweight she has all the right answer she said this we went to the extreme but but it's true you know it's like that the expression nobody's perfect well then why are we buying into that game perfection is an illusion be the best you that you can that is right for gad about some you know unreachable super human being which doesn't exist but they enjoy who you are but that's a huge shift natasha huge in on an individual front it's huge and then to it's almost like when you make that shift you're going against the grain of society in everybody else where the goal is i know but then you have to have a strong constitution to go against that grain and keep going and not really give a about what everybody says that's what i do with my clients and i think you don't give a crap about what anybody says if you don't take it personally subduing or learning to get along with my inner critic so as a young adult it was like you know this you did this wrong you did this wrong you did that wrong and everybody's got some you know a big inner critic and it's really now it's so because i was willing to do the work it's so astonishing because i could come from say i do a show and i at the end of the show i think oh my god i forgot to do x and in the past in my young adulthood i would have said idiot and how could you have done that and you know you're so this and your so that and blah blah blah whatever it is you know we have this whipping attitude now i go ok so what did you miss could you have prepared differently is there anything you and we bring them out and we look at them and we hover over them and we would you know do that so that though it does it doesn't move us forward people do that will drive you know driving looking in the rear wow so all right my goal is to liberate people totally as far as you're willing to take it so it's like you have to pay attention to society's rules i mean i'm coming on this television show i could wear torn jeans and you know  know and you could've done that and i would have been i would go i like you i like your style but at the same time if i'm presenting myself as a coach and right professional that's different there are certain rules but if somebody you know if i spilled coffee all over my clothes and i had to bore somebody else's clothes identity is not wrapped up in it it would be inconvenient but it is not who i am it's all in twenty minutes just my costume for today right you know but we identify with our costumes our possessions the roles we play in life as opposed to my life really what i love to do what am i passionate about i did ted talk on that who are you really but i guess my question is how do you get a person there how do you like oh you know yesterday i couldn't spell perfect but today i am it it's not overnight gig you know when i have the magic pill right it's not as everybody wants that though yes of course because our society teaches us to look for instant and that's why people you know right reach for the external right but it's really being willing to do the most exciting journey of your life which is being who you are and being living life fulfilled doesn't mean you're not on the happy at times whatever but like comfortable in your own skin no you know you are how you want to express but it takes time but that's what i do with people and i have people who say to me i am totally unrelated knowledgeable to myself and even to my family at this point yeah but sometimes folks are comfortable with having certain people around them more so than being comfortable in their own skin and not having them but you know something it's like there's this expression here a lot who you know you have to step outside your comfort yeah you know people aren't comfortable in their comfort zone it's just familiar they don't love it is just familiar so take a chance step into another day uncomfortable thing trust yourself and afraid to fail yeah or it's not going to work or they're going to get duped or whatever but you know i say to case of the predictable result is a year from now is it ok if i call you up and say what's changed are you ok with the way things are has any right change right and you know it's interesting because i have a client who you know she's one of those people who career family all of it and you know it's throwing yourself under the bus constantly because this comes from a cyst comes first and again you're not abandoning that york restructuring it and you have a strong sense of who you are right so one of the things i teach people is how to make effective requests because most of us didn't we don't know how to make a five k give me an example but i'll tell you in a second so so meanwhile she goes home and she starts practicing and her family looks at her like she has two heads do you never a question oh they're used to saying i want you to do this or i want you to do that or whatever it is or at home you know we have a way of relating to one another ok now you know years six months a year later her family is going around saying hey i have a request for you the whole family demand dynamic has changed ok so it's the words on how you prefaced the request that's coming yes instead of making a demand or hinting we're great at hinting so somebody said to me you know i want my husband to do the laundry have you asked him well i've told him you know you know i think that you help a lot in the house but this is one of the things that i really feel overwhelmed with i would like to know if every second time the laundry needs to be done you would take that on right and so the way we would do it is we would let each other know ok this this time i'm doing it next week and yours and then you would take responsibility for that right it just makes such a difference to me do you agree if the find out if there is agreement right and then if not is there a counteroffer you know but people start to say jesus we don't talk like that and start talking like yeah but if it ok so i get it in their own words they should make requests in their own w request i've told my husband i'd like to go away ok so that's a hint husbands are not good at hints no they're not you they want the one time you want to join what is it that you want me and they want to know what it is what it is that they want for ok so i say to you you know to the lady in the post office so are you willing to do something now to change that ok i think about it so what is it you expect to happen in the next three weeks or six months that is going to change that what do you do you need to hear that is going to have you take action i don't know i just have to think about it ok you got what you got you get what you settle for so natasha how can my viewers find you well thank you for asking that so they can go online my website is a little ancient and creepy but it still has the relevant information a to sherman dot com they can call me that's  at they can call you yes or at six o nine six eight nine nine zero six three or they can e mail me at in the s the passion zebra them in z net so do you coach individuals group online face to face over the phone online not yet typically over the phone i've coached people i've never met i will do face to face i will do individuals and groups i go into companies and do lunch and learns i go into facilities and do motivational speaking but and i design workshops on having a workshop a vision board workshop july fourteenth ok and where they come in and they start to explore like what would my vision be unconstrained and they can find all of that on your on your site right yes or call me or call you i want to thank you for being a a show and telling people that you get what you settle for right so thank you don't settle so the next time be blessed stay healthy