experienced doug have you ever been on an awkward date let me think about that probably many many many i have a friend i have a friend one of the all time greatest awkward date stories that i ever remember hearing let's showed up into the studio mr awkward him so well and you say you want to hear about my awkward i want to hear about your awkward dates i pulled him up the package and they were a little squishy and it was awkward i wasn't sure if they were supposed to be that way or fresh return really grocery store so continue with your story of our dates i'm i'm all yours well this is my friend i have a friend and he this is his story friend named mott yeah you know much and he was dating this woman and he was a really big fan of the rolling stones so when they would come i know it's up well he would buy tickets to the buffalo concerts he would go to the cleveland concert he would go to syracuse concerts he was just into it so he had this woman that he was dating but they were always fighting all the time and somehow they had decided to go to this rolling stones concert this is like the third concert he had gone so they drove the two and half hours to syracuse together and it was not going well in the car they were just arguing and i don't want to be here she's telling him and so they parked the car and they're going into the stadium and they sit down and before anything starts it just boils over and she says i want to leave so they leave the stadium and they go back out towards the car and what they hadn't realized that when you park in such a place you are locked in until the end of the concert so they had to sit there were there when i got there i was blocked in the car yeah the car was totally blocked and they had to sit there for two and a half hours in the car together still no words were so did they get married after that i think that's a pretty awkward date yeah  i like reading the comments every day it really helps your star my sense of hopelessness for humanity well i'm going to go back to when everything was awkward really awkward date story eighth grade i have no memory of how i met this girl but it was like summer before after eighth grade and she would come over to my house and so at that age right you're just starting to explore you know what are these ideas about what kissing is and all i remember about this is like you know you're one of two french kissing but you know what it's freakin gross sticking your tongue in someone else's mouth and then like going into the bathroom and go and yeah i'm like wiping your own tongue off so i remember you know this first experience with that just was is why does anyone do this my experience is that perhaps you know this wasn't the person i really wanted to be dating as well as just being young and you know but but they'd passed a note that said susie likes you do you like her or not check the box yes or no exactly and you check the yes box dog that's a sacred contract i went through with it i just wiped my tongue off you know people don't do enough classic hits there really aren't enough cover bands out there and so we man my man i got you so thomas although you told a story you claimed it wasn't your well you know for me all dates were awkward and i remember telling you i would rather pay this entire condominium go on a date that's the way i felt it was like oh it is zone nerveracking and what is that so nerve wracking i didn't know how to function i remember i used to study people what people do on dates and i just love that i really i absolutely love that introductory getting to know you trying to figure out who's this other person is i think that's absolutely fun and fascinating i was just so nervous that i agree with doug is crazy i think the difference is i'm not worried so much about whether i'm doing something in a way that i see there's there is a new yeah this with well this is an awkward date that did not happen any of us this is in ames the grand metropolis of ames twenty years ago they built a walk path down by by the creek by the stadium and when it first went in it didn't go from anywhere to anywhere so no one was ever on it we would walk our dog there and see deer and like that a very quiet place well it turned out there was a police report that a man and a woman both i was state students were walking on the path when they were accosted accosted i tell you by a stranger with a gun really on this path and they were they were were mugged by this man in the evening and there was a struggle in the gun went off and shot the man in the leg and the police came the paramedics  and the guy with the gun ran off got away right it must of my stuff yeah ok i was i couldn't fight and when the paramedics got there they said they heard the guy say i didn't think it hurt so much to get shot with a twenty two well they thought that was a little strange wow that guy was good he could tell right away what the caliber of the weapon was or perhaps it was more the fact that he'd arranged this mugging with a friend of his so he'd look cool for his  both the friend and the man got a rest man and all there try to do is impress this girl when you is that kind of money that read the whole plan was to impress this girl i don't think she was impressed  all right well that's pretty good all right we'll play some more music for you and we'll come back how do you choose a date company would you enjoy well one thing you can consider is look what he thought of janet and how good looking she was it really had to rate to date somebody like her yes he'd enjoy that except when it's too bad janet always act so superior and for it make a fellow feel awkward and inferior grown perhaps someone who doesn't feel the barrier there betty and yet it just doesn't seem as if she'd be much fun what about and she knows how to have a good time and how to make the fellow with her relaxed that's fun to have yes that's what a boy writes he wants to know he's appreciated and would be fun on a date do you remember the one nine hundred eighty s do you remember the song ebony and ivory is that was sung in that video by paul mccartney and stevie wonder remember they stood on a giant piano keyboard in order to stress the metaphorical idea that if ebony and ivory could function well together on a piano then dark skinned and light skinned adults should also be able to be happy and productive together well nowadays of course such tensions between adults have completely and totally disappeared from our culture there are no tensions between adults based on ethnicity or skin color not a single one our culture has become a celebration of that which is fake and shallow and we desire to live in a world where appearance is reality and we're being phony is not an impediment to success and acceptance i was sitting at my desk one day thinking about the song ebony and ivory when i realized that my fake wooden desk itself was a perfect metaphor for what our culture was like today my all night can come up a few of my meager we learn to live when we learn to give up fighting and do what we're told i'm sitting down writing letters to use that time know i'll never let you see i'm wondering what i'd look like walking around if someone pulled the a near on awkward dates and sometimes they're more awkward than others kind of like this show so come back awkwardly next week but my mind wasn't being on an awkward date it was about don't eat awkward dates because they're not any good to return to the grocery thank you and we'll see you guys next week the show  if a hundred million elvis fans had been wrong they would have like a dog show is an ongoing illness in which bear ways have and going swelling i think i'm feeling