hi everybody jody toeplitz here host of we to me divorce decor today i have with me a very special guest bilawal hill and before i introduce him i just want to tell you guys again what we to me is all about and as you already know we did me is about going literally from we demean mary to single and using the power of color and design to promote and encourage a nursing environment it's really important after any type of transition especially divorce loss of a spouse empty nest syndrome anything like that to have your home in your environment support you as you're going first through such a difficult time but there are also so many other divorced professionals that should be part of our team and i'm a big advocate of so i guess i want to quote hillary clinton clinton it takes a village and so you need many people in the divorce process or any type of transition to help you along the way so i am very very honored to have my very very new friend bilawal hill who is a divorce divorce attorney matrimonial attorney family law attorney but i'm going to have a good blow you introduce yourself tell everybody how they can reach you and where your firm is located and then we'll do that again at the end of the show because i want people to really be able to get to find you i'm quite impressed with you  like new jersey n y like new york dot com has all my contact information give you a little bio about my history in addition to be an attorney i'm also c p a which is very useful in the last process in the day what is it a carve up of the assets that you can go to my website if i know my contact information well you know saying that i am so impressed about that part of your your history and your resume and your experience because i'm convinced because i obviously i've been through a divorce and it didn't go well for me i had the wrong divorce attorney i had the wrong everything and sadly i didn't know you what time but one of the most important things is is the money and i and i really do believe in correct me if i'm wrong divorce attorneys you know they know what they know they're good at what they do sometimes but they are not well versed in finance and quite frankly i almost feel like you need the like you were bored and you had nothing else to do and you decided to be an attorney i love your background ok so tell tell us why you're so special because i already know well i had a long career in corporate america so this is like a second career for me almost start my career price comes in handy when you're dealing with a lot of clients a lot of my clients are what i used to be incremental to hard working in corporate america making this amount of money now going through voice and trying to figure out how do you do that what do you do with our issues not sions what do you do with this and what happens when you get promoted a matrimonial law firms should have that background i really do i think that that's where things can really go right and quite frankly if you think about it that's what causes that's what stirs the pot that's what causes everybody to be angry and money because it is emotionally charged situation and now people wait that this is mine and that's mine and you can't have that and it's almost like you know let's let's cut the baby in half and like split the baby up because have to be enemies mortal enemies and especially if you're sure children yeah so first of all i wanted to just go back and i'm jumping all over the place but you guys used to be jumping all over the place i want to say and you all know that i only have people on that i know like and trust and the law is a new friend in my life and i am totally excited to have him as a friend and a professional we we should talk about how we met you want it you want to share  are part of an organization called b and if you haven't heard of it is a networking group that meets once a week and i was part of another chapter and i just recently joined your chapters so happy so very person i met when i joined your chapter with you because you are the first comment i am taking it as a compliment right and i felt the same way about you and like i said i was really impressed with your background and because much for my personal divorce situation most of the anger and the mistrust was because of the money and my side was not representing the truth and stirred the pot on my ex husband's side and made him angry at me when he had no reason to be right it's really a shame it's a shame well look i went t work together figure out what's in the best interests of all parties op r d p you your spouse and your children but when you fight a long time and you drag it out only person is going to make money is yeah but i want to do this in your best interest and that's where you talk about with his attorneys kind of like don't do that alimentary division of assets but again today this is not a competition to win the competition to get a settlement as soon as possible because at the end of day ninety percent of the voices settle ninety percent so you're going to said it was just a matter when you're going to do it early and save some from our slogan is intellect integrity and compassion i chose those three words because that is the three characteristics you want to look for the most in finding it was the time well that's what i like about you because when you came over to my place and had the most fabulous coffee in the world by the way i exaggerating the cost was amazing but the place of the place trumped the coffee thank you you said without me prompting you what you should look for an attorney you percival you said you should interview don't be afraid you don't just go to one attorney and say well that's it but what you said if they say and that's what i want to reiterate what you just said if they say something like let's get on or her let's if they're doing this punching thing  long time so you have to have that report with them and it's not easy because a lot of attorneys charge you know a consultation fee they'll charge you two three hundred dollars just to talk for an hour we offer free consultation but if you find others offer free consultation take advantage of that but look for it's hard to glean integrity in just an hour you know i'm as it is the go with your gut and listen to the words they're saying and they're acting like a fight promoter you know you know wrong place yes you want someone who's going to be focused on trying to resolve this is about as they say things like  that they should say without you prompting exactly and i like to bet that when we were talking as you said that to me and who knows better than me i know how to prompt yes and i didn't and you said all the right things and that's why you're sitting here at this desk with me because you're not only going to be we talked about while we were having fabulous coffee in my fabulous place that i can do for you guys if you need it we talked about three things and i and i love this a tip you should know pre divorce if you're thinking about it a typical should know during divorce and a tip you should know post divorce ok so pre divorce pre divorce prenup and nipping it in the bud we could talk about that in terms of you know you and i talked about that one thing that asset that they want to go certain ways in the in a divorce so they'll say in the prenup the house goes here this one my kid gets this on my kids gets the boat or whatever whatever passes with dealers but people don't realize a lot of times that a will trumps that they go into a pre nup and they walk away thinking i've got all the major assets cover madoka account the how does that reconcile with that person's will who you will not you know a person's will is their private thing you may not have you seen it so you don't know what they have no matter what you need that express language in the pre nup that says this supersedes language in the world that person can change their will on god forbid you know their deathbed that they could have rotten nasty kids that go over really you over really my dad said that you or my mom said not really so you have to you have to take care of that so question for you if somebody is thinking about getting divorced and they have a pre nup and they think it's all ok would you  well how would you suggest someone bringing that up saying hey you know it's not in the prenup maybe we should like to know you said this we are thinking of divorce let's make it official how do you go about doing the assuming you're not at the point we're talking like my will has to totally be changed because i'm now engaged getting married to a fabulous guy and you know i have to change things because things don't make really much sense now but as my life was six years ago right so so yes you can also change the world people have a good point but the problem with changing the will is that to be changed again the following week behind somebody without you now right that's why it's helpful if you can do it in a post op and i don't in a prenup the exactly so that is a point  brought up myself personally and of course him being the fabulous person that he is goes i already know about that that's going to be taken care of which is really important the saudi regime but yeah i like both luck and this super super important to put that in yeah so now during the fall the divorce well i'll say they have not hired someone as fabulous as you and say they are with somebody like i was one who was raking me over the coals with fake bills right now i want to leave right most people i know don't know that they can change they can get their retainer back or whatever is not spent and move on yes yes it labrat on that and give me a tip during well and so now we're to back that money actually goes into the attorney's public trust right that's not the attorney's account until it's ok but when you decide if you decide to move on to another attorney when you decide you can do that any point you can do that early on wherever whenever whatever point you are you not happy you can decide to move on but the point i would give you with respect to during the course is this make sure you understand one very important concept the people who sat on the attorney works for you and i know that's something that a lot of people who sat on because attorney sophisticated he or she is described to you which is that this is a process where you're going to settle ninety percent settle ok so it's a question as you said earlier do you set a late when you spend a lot of money now i'm not say you can always settle early sometimes it time to take a guess what you're entitled to but all you need to do is make sure that you understand what's going on what your attorney is fighting for make sure he or she is not filing frivolous motions or coercing you to fight for things that you're legally not even entitled to just to run up their bill and earn more money sharon motions are the key to getting you to fight for something that you're not really entitle to just so they could drag the process on you have to be the steward of the ship here and understand what's going on make sure you have a conversation with attorney understand what are we arguing for here what is what is out settlement position and while you learn a new set of moses and there's no reason why you can't be talking to your spouse to figure out what's going on and as if you have a lot of the communication that's not always the case waiting but if you have in those lines again a mediation that helps fighting for a little nothing here but i have to give you two to ten thousand dollars so we can fight for you know like the pen i want to pen this pen is ten thousand dollars we don't want that and i made that mistake all  because they didn't answer a letter that you sent when i could have called him and i said well you had a call to turn who happened to be by the way super nice my ex had a great attorney but no i had to pay all this and those are the things like i want i want you guys to pay attention to this is so important and you bring up a good point be leery of those super super contentious attorneys yes those super super contentious attorneys they will never settle because they diminish shuts down opportunity to settle you know  times when you have to be a vulture you know there are times when i have to come out of my element be able to yeah but that's not my norm you want someone who has a calmness equanimity about them so they get hammered settlement you don't want someone who's like contentious one hundred percent of the time because that kind of like you know it stifles the possibility of settlement you know so look at the mean as well when you're choosing attorney it's really really important it's just like i guess any relationship and people don't realize it and here you are in the middle of this you know ending something that whether it was your idea or not you feel like a sense of failure it's a merry dance a death of a relationship you have the right to have a healthy relationship with your attorney you have that you have that right to be able to call up and say you know what i'm not sure why we find this notion ok we're finding this motion because there's ok so for filing because of this and what am i getting in return and what are the chances of us getting that and why or is it easier to do this yeah  so we don't use up your kid's college fund let's go back to mediation if we have a ton of money to me you know i started with mediation paper mediation and this person hello it was simple we didn't have that much it was just the house really should have been like scenario right partly why i went into this business so that's a very good tap now this is super important the most divorced hips change circum stances and on both sides what happens if you have this settlement and now you've lost your job and you can't pay this alimony or i know a story where this guy hap this happened to him he lost everything he's living like in squalor i don't know why or why he case and it basically says if you have a change of circumstances you can go back into court to get a modification of the alimony or your child support or there's a custody issue could be a change in custody and the changed circumstances could be for the recipient spouse who maybe have a situation where the earning spouse is done up in come have gone to motion is now a c e o lose careers taken off and alimony child support they're paying is not commensurate with their earnings capacity or could be you if you're the pay spouse and you've been like laid off maybe and you just can't afford it anymore you have to make application to the court the burden is on you the moving party to show that difference or change circumstances in the most important thing is a whole lot the case information statements from your divorce because you have to include that gone to two years ago i can relate to that you know and i did probably well every guy does which is you buy a king sized bed you two are seven years plasma when will you say i'm done i decorate or i'm happy now i really is not it is not for my spouse did all the decoration and made a happy home so  is the first thing they do they jump in the car and they go as fast as they can to best buy and they buy the largest screen t v that they possibly can they get a couch in front of it there's no chairs on the other side to pro right no pictures on the wall have been painted they probably haven't unpacked they wonder why their kids don't really want to visit their not house prob there it's not comfortable and all that i see that guys do a lot and i understand th s they said on the couch in front of the t v and they kind of edge on and they're depressed and they wonder why they don't feel good and part of the one of the cars on the wheel about feeling good is is like you said is promoting and creating a space that is nourishing because your space is not about how it looks it's about how it makes you feel yes it's about how makes other people feel is it welcoming does it say i'm staying for a while does it look like a college dorm like oh my is to get a naked woman in there right after you are like when you're ready and naked women or women with clothes that want to be naked if they feel like you just have a t v and a couch that they want good point chairs they want to have a coffee table little wine conversation they want a bedroom that's inviting they want to kitchen that promotes experimentation and cooking and comfort like your space has to do its job and every room has a job so let's review for a given review preez the pre you need to make sure the assets specifically spelled out in the prenup that go in a particular direction also that the prenup supersedes the will so there's not a conflict there because if there's a conflict in there's no language in the prenup that says which document trumps the will  so that's number one during you need to first and foremost just remember that the attorney works for you he or she may be more sophisticated knowledge about the law and they may be a sense that they're running the show you have to take control of the process and realize that you want to show and that your employee and make sure that their operating your best interests are not their own peculiarities which a lot of times they will do you have to monitor that that's during the post keep in mind the concept of the changed circumstances whereby you might have an alimony child support or custody arrangement that because of a significant change in circumstances requires a modification you have the right to go back into court and make that application and last and most importantly with the source of posts recognize that you know via affects your motion and how you approach life so you need to put as much of an emphasis on that as you do all the other stuff you didn't hear the words that every again let's get if the attorney says come on let's get it not let's let's destroy your spouse run avoid the boxing is for me with katie when i ever i heard the i'm filing a motion i did not know until that first or second bill what does that mean it means i don't want to spend ten thousand dollars so i can win the pen ok why are we filing the motion really important questions ok so we're wrapping up just a block tell them again your tell them your phone number and your name in the name of your firm name or firm is the hill from here we are located in hillsboro new jersey we represent clients throughout new jersey so we're not just locate n y dot com that's lower in j n y dot com when we offer free consultations a lot attorneys don't do that i try and give you all the information during a consultation so you understand what you're about to go through its terms of the divorce process and then you c decide for yourself if you want to hire us or not and with that as everybody that watches my know my show knows i close with a special show in your honor because i'm all about the shoes ladies and you know because shoes represent power so