shout we have a special guest for you again today her name is sandy glaze and she is the author of the book and think global loneliness finding purpose love and i am a relationships and she is an expert in this field and you can just feel the energy started realizing things were happening with people that they were trying they're getting lonely there was there's a lot of people there were talking to weren't happy and i started looking to understand what was happening with with the people that i was around i was speaking with and i realized that there was just there was something missing in people's lives so i'm i guess i'm one of those inquisitive souls that i just had to go inside and find out for myself what was going on why people were feeling so lonely and i turned it into my livelihood and now i'm helping people find their way through and find more happiness in their lives and more fulfillment so you have a little coaching practice as well and with the name of that company really learning life coaching reasonably and it's my belief that a lot of the there's a lot of things we've learned in our lives that maybe haven't served us it's turned out aren't serving us as well as we thought they would and you go back and you think what are some of the lessons i could have learned or should have learned when i was younger and as a matter of relearning them and then off we go again towards whatever whatever it is you're trying to achieve and it just keeps people book when i started realizing how unhappy people were i started realizing ok i might be a knight category you know like to realize that there are some things that are missing some things that are good but there are some things that were missing and when i decided to do without both was go back and go inside myself and think wow am i getting myself through these processes so i focus really is series of steppingstones and techniques that people can use for themselves as they as they ask their own questions what i know for sure is there is no two people who are alike there is no one process that is going to be the same for everyone and what they can do with this is go inside as i did and say well what why why do i feel this way what is it what is this emotion mean what does this why why am i am confident or not feeling good about something why am i ant to be moving forward in life and when i say moving forward not that it's a race and there is no endgame right it's about experiencing this experience whatever we're going through feeling it whether we learn meant to learn from it and enjoying the moment and that was kind of what i helped myself clear the processes that were blocking me that's amazing i think it's interesting what you said about it's not a race you know totally because you know how people out there and everybody included it's like we're always trying to grow myself as the universe within and the universe without i've tried to simplify so this is much as i can and what i found was i was trying to you know we talk about the race is not a race but i was trying to do things to make my outer world work without understanding what was happening in my inner world  stars that's where i definitely started so i started looking at some of the natural processes one of them is the intention and example is intention when you set your intention you tell yourself what is you want to when i say achieve or accomplish or see so i got into the habit of setting my intention every day and it was really nice i made it my intention as i was writing this book it was very intense it was very it was a process i had to get very quiet and be spent a lot of time by myself as i went in writing this but i would get up and  what is my intention today and if i've been working at it quite a bit i think i'm not going to think today and that would be my intention and i will go about saying no i'm just going to go for a walk i'm going to just not going to not going to going to see what comes my way there be other days where my intention would be i want to i want to be in a peaceful mode so how my going to do that so i'm going to set my intention to feel peace for the day some days will be feel more love or give more love and then you catch yourself throughout the day when you when something happens you know thinking i'm chapters and chapters and so much information to take in but every single one of one has this this is what's going on did you notice that and i'm not judging you and i love that i can't just talk about real quickly just to get people going you're  like how loving yourself is start with that and i were going to just just before that i'd like to talk about how many so many of these processes i'm writing them out like they applied to me so one of those was self esteem and realizing as i'm talking about self esteem and i would say you know i would talk about the importance of self love but then i would talk about what's what's inspiring me that is outside of me and i realize who i outside like i other esteem so i let things that maybe shouldn't motivate me or impress me through looks through achievements through accomplishments where we live cars we drive we know who are married money all those things right so i wanted to realize how important the self esteem was what everything that came from within it gave me an opportunity to look inside and because of what i've done is i started realizing so many of us i think as one of the biggest epidemics of the world we don't we're not encouraged to like ourselves we're encouraged to compete who's got the most money who is the guy who looks better who's got the nicer car who's got the right weight and what is done to us end we wanted one of the techniques and always he uses this one is looking in the mirror and saying i love you get up every day and say a really really really really love you and it's hard at first because if you don't believe it you're not going to be able to look in the mirror and sa so what i do is i take the process and i go inside and i say one of the techniques name three things you like about yourself i love this pick three beautiful things and i go through this with my clients and sometimes they can't and i say come on is yeah you can and then they can't write so then i will show them three beautiful things about them that i say a about and it's also it's just automatically self elevating and it gets us in the habit of looking for what's right with us instead of what's wrong with the love that i love you need to do that more about like you were saying that if you men and women of sight but if you don't love yourself and women in particular we have all the power in relationships we are the life force of of life itself we are that force of love is what's supposed to be emanating from us but we've got into this competitive environment that we're not feeling love you cannot attract it back to you if you're not given it oh if your tank is empty it's not going anywhere and that's where we get we get we get the wrong messages and although i don't talk judgment in the book i don't where we get our messages from the media we get it from advertising we get it from the school the halls of the schools we get it from different places of everything that's wrong with us or what we need to be and it's not it but if you can go inside and  realize there's some neat things about you like you know can you think of three beautiful things about yourself that we don't we're not encouraged to talk about it but we're not encouraged to talk about it selves i love how you just answer that because then we're taught we're being so we're being self absorbed or we're being arrogant or we're full go but they don't give we don't give our good as much a ten gin and credit as we give our bad right absolutely and that's the thing about what i love about the book is that you really you can start the beginning and you're like a star here and then let's talk about other things too all we're going through this so it's an example can you tell us a little bit about how people can find their purpose when a lot of what i was doing with this book was always trying to go inside and find out what it is what it would i need going to come is there more to life than what i'm doing ok i've got the house i've got the kids i've got everything is there more it that i'm missing once you start your inner dialogue and the key is the inner dialogue even with finding your purpose once you start going inside and asking yourself the questions without any input from anybody else things start changing because we are all on this planet for a reason it's not to go on i don't believe it's to be happy i believe happiness matters but i think we're on this planet to contribute to make mankind and humanity better to make the world better that's what i believe and we all know what it is we've just forgotten since that we've been raised from an early age we go into the money getting ahead with material things with been raised on different priorities but when you go inside you ask yourself what is it i meant to do the questions start stirring  is the purpose of purpose what is the purpose of humanity what is the purpose of love what is the purpose of relationships so i try to get people's imaginations during us where it all starts again getting people you know asking these questions inside i also talk about different categories of what purpose can be purpose can be agriculture if you're if you're creating a food source for people that from love source from love not chemicals you can get purpose in nurturing whether it's as in a family role or being in some sort of a form of care that you're helping others it can be the silly it can be an education it can be in a variety of things so i get people thinking get it right the possible category is but you know and then i go through what i look at signals that you're on the right track for your purpose your instincts will tell you ok your instincts will tell you when you're wrong it's up to you whether you listen to your instincts or not and that's we've also got train to train ourselves out of listening to ourselves but the purpose will find you and i've got a few tests in there that you can give yourself that you can ask in my own purpose that's what i love about books so you can for you  yeah you can kind of just not address the situation because when you get to that point you have a little exercise and it's like oh ok i'm realizing this is really something i need to attend to yes and that's why it's just such a good book to read because you know you this is a book you can't read fast you have to take it in so slow because it's so many training process it's like you said but it's it's just such a big picture with all the details and so on us and when you when you're looking at purpose things are going to come up roadblocks are going to come up or questions are going to come up that you might say oh maybe i shouldn't be pursuing it and i'll give an example there's there's what i call yellow light signals that come up and say why i shouldn't follow my purpose or maybe you have a family to provide for and you can't go from from what you're doing now for the job you have quitting and follow it finding the dream that you want to follow for financial reasons and have all the geishas that is a great example of something that might hold you back that well then and what i say at that point is ok well look at what your obligations are and how can you do this on the side how can you create this started off as a hobby and build it up before you turn into things in the generator but get your get your processes going but that instead of i hear a lot of people saying go and live your life live your purpose and that's not allow you to grow into it and look for what's going to what's going to stop you so put a few examples in there common examples of what but maybe will hold you back and how to overcome them or what questions to ask yourself to help you overcome them so it really gives people the tools to know what's the next  when it's taken me a long time to figure this out and i've dedicated years and hours to this and as people are starting to find purpose what i don't want them to have to do is go through the struggles of trying to figure it out like i did i wrote this out so people don't have to go t you need to know and i'm like oh my god and it really is there's just so many things we're going to get into motion path programming boundaries tell us a little bit about each of those in order that you like how i written the book i'm going to start with with just the overall i start with your inner universe and then i show people how to create boundaries for themselves based on their lives and their relationships and their friends you there's no one model for boundaries and then i show people examples of how to go through and clear any blocks then i go into your overall relationships and then your romantic relationship so there's a process of understanding the inside building the foundation because if you don't build a proper foundation you're just going to go on repeat the same pattern just like the only you know it it doesn't have a proper foundation it's just not to work so when i when i go through so you set your foundation first of your purpose and your values and then let's say let's say you get to the point where it is starting to go through a process your emotions ok so i look i look at a lot of what we've been told in life we don't talk about our emotions everything is brain science everything comes from the head or the mind from what we're encouraged to intellectualize and not emote and feel so then i realize if we have any blocks judy not in our head that the blocks are it's in our emotional system whether it's a fear or it's an anger or we feel bad about something those tend to be the things that block us so i show people how to identify with what that emotion is to give an example an example of fear ok so you know people say fears or ego i don't agree with that for a minute i think people have been through some nasty nasty experiences have every right to experience what fear is they know or not to recognize recognize what it is not experience it recognize what that feeling that comes up but they still have to process to be able to move on  and so i show people talking what's an example of fear you know maybe went through a bad relationship and one person was giving you undue attention and you felt self conscious or you just had that feeling that something something was creeping you or was getting too close to you well that might stop you from going forward in a romantic relationship even though they're not related and that issue is not an issue for you anymore right social people how to understand what that mean emotion is they're feeling feel it is it real feeling is that in memory because our memor for me i'll give an example for myself living i live on my own so when you move into the neighborhood and you think oh i don't want people to know i'm living on my own single woman i could be in danger so i put this moat i put this idea of i have a fear of that i'm a single woman living in a neighborhood i have to be careful i've not heard of any crime in the neighborhood have been for your own right but you lock your doors at night you do things that just are typical things that you take care of yourself but i realise i do not have to live without fear it's not a real fear it's predicated on what a societal norm is and we look at societal norms and the fears that we have right that you know how many of those are real we're conditioned to believe those so then you realize ok i can start walking away from fear because a lot of those fears aren't real but the emotions locked in us so what about triggers i refer to triggers as a knee jerk reaction to something that offends your soul and triggers are deep a lot of people say triggers are the nuggets of recovery i don't think those people go through trigger oh so it's an exam a trigger so let's say somebody says something that offends you on a deep level and some people do but that doesn't mean they mean to but you're going to trigger it it's going to trigger emotions or it's going to trigger a past event and used a mystic violence as an example my favorite one is  these people just asked for it or you know they don't leave and i trigger and i watch and i have to think ok i have to be careful what i say you don't know who you're talking to but the but always emotions flood up because you didn't know how to process those emotions if you've gone through anything like that so your motions all bottle up and you trigger but you don't know which emotion you're feeling are you feeling i do with eight emotions but the negative emotions are shame guilt fear and anger and why i deal with those wounds those are the ones that produce triggers your positive emotions don't produce triggers a pretty smiles lovejoy happy to have trouble triggering on one of those rights but so is the motions are considered negative we still need our emotions we need all those they have a job to do and something to tell us but it's what we trigger on them it's like why am i triggering is being said or would of my experiencing right now it can be smell of something that can cause you to trigger it could be who knows whatever like if you if you live through a natural natural disaster maybe it was water it was a flood or something in the smell of sewage or whatever you could smell about again it triggers i'm in fear again right because of something i experience but we don't give our body of credit i don't think we don't really know how it works or how i want to really think about the tensity of biggest fears we have fear of love i think is one of the biggest fears we have when you can't go forward if you still have that block then you start going i want to be close i want to pull away i talk about god come here get away is the dance you know so you reach out you want to get close oh you want to get close back and you pull back and then the other person is confused so that's why all this needs to be sorted out so we can be a little more coherent and how we are in relationships and how we flow what is love to you love it's taken me a while to figure this out because again we got what we were trained her shown were to be shown it means like a love of a product that you buy or whatever but when i think of love i think of love is a state of being it's an energy it's a it's a consciousness it's a way of acting with people around you it's a way of shooting yourself it's my say in energy you know i thought about this last night i love this moving it's an energy that surrounds you an absence los but it's almost like something that encases you if you've taken the time to understand what it means for you and it's definitely i'd say it's a choice people choose to have a love vironment b p love and project love or you choose not to and it doesn't mean that you're choosing not to because you're not a nice person maybe it's a protection mechanism and i showed people how to go through and clear oh my god it's a reason you're blocking it from receiving it for myself it was kind of funny i talk about receiving love and the blocks to receiving love some of the sections were not easy to write i started realizing as i'm writing i'm writing your boat me blocking love writing and one of the one of the things we do is when we sit when we give all the time and if there's people who give all the time this might apply to you it might not but what i find i was doing was giving so i could block receiving so i was so busy giving was giving that that person they couldn't create their own good karma and give back because i was giving so much that i set the tone of not not given to me and it kept me so if they really had me lowered like you're protecting yourself right holy but i didn't know i was there learning that that's why in the book i love with the way that you you do reach the other readers so much inside my outer world so i you know everything i apply to everything is in threes inner outer boundaries and i talk about sexual boundaries because when relationships get intimate they have a component i don't feel we're taught enough about boundaries in a boundaries are they have our box they're like  that thing we can go to inside to say what's my standard on this why am i not allowed we're allowed to have standards of what we say is what we will accept for another person's behavior or of our own behavior so when i look at boundaries i look at those as those are those  imaginary lines that one where show you where one person's right start and stop and vice versa for yourself so boundaries allow us we can have boundaries and give an example of physical boundaries never have somebody committed talk to you and they're like this close yeah and then you back up and there's still this close  like no everybody i think has the right to say within three feet radius that it's ok you can stay there i can stay here and if i'm comfortable i will let you know that it's ok for you to come closer and i hope you do the same because you it was the same right to protect yourself or  keep yourself at a safe distance but we don't understand those so we have those boundaries energetically we have those boundaries how we communicate i've never spoken with somebody and you talk and they go yeah but yeah but you have it and they're ready to cut you off at every second and not let that people can read this and say we've all done it crossed boundaries i won't even go into mine but we've all done it so it's not about blaming i don't blame myself and say oh wow did i cross a boundary i say well i have an opportunity to learn about boundaries and practice going forward not crossing people's faces i think everybody i think so many people have so many reasons to want to read the book honestly because what you talk about just down trees just understanding what you're saying and i love the part about the moving of the boundary you know can you  minute left already into the south bound reason move so you might be in a relationship with someone and you go for a coffee so maybe it's a friendship and you go for coffee and you think that's great you've had a great time you shake hands and you leave whatever whatever it is the next time you see them you may decide you're going to a movie and then you decide ok you're getting a little closer and some look you're getting a little closer in some ways but you still might decide that this person's a friend but you're not going to get you know having a close relationship with them but when you look at a boundary that's moving when you say to somebody i'm trying to think of an example here i'm not drawing a great example i can work boundary so you know you can be great work on a project one day but it's ok to go back to your desk and have your own private space the next yeah can check my website real learning life coaching dot com and by all means or any way you want to contact me there by phone by internet whatever it's available and if i say one thing to people i would love to say that if there's anybody in the world who's worth figuring this out it has to be you because if we're going to end global loneliness it has to be one man woman and child at a time and has to come from the inside there's no mass solution to this it's got to be when we're ready to do it we're going to do it and i hope you're on board can and better