welcome to stop my crisis i'm your host vivian jaspar and reader today talk about something that you may not realize actually has been contributing if you're experienc a financial crisis or maybe your life's crises could make easier if you had more money did you think about how a correlation of maybe your self esteem not being as high as it should be in order to get more money if you're solid person did you think about the last time you got a raise and it wasn't where you thought it should be but you were just too hasn't to speak up and ask for more money what about if your commission salesperson or self employed if you had more belief in yourself you know you could make more money right i have actually a really interesting guest today someone who could cross the t s dot the i's and help us to understand the correlation between higher self esteem and making more money michelle nagle is america's number one resilience x for she is the author of the bestselling book suffering is optional step out of darkness and into the light a resilience of viber of child abuse michelle struggled mightily with negative programming around money when she learned how to rewrite the programming on her wall everything changed what wall we'll find out and for the fast fifteen years michelle has been conducting seminars and workshops and providing tools to help overcome their limiting beliefs and live the life of their dreams michelle thank you so much for coming into our studios and i would love to and help our audience understand if you could explain to us please what is the correlation between one's self esteem and one's earning power what they could actually bring into their household to help their families with making more money to make life easier more comfortable or just stop a financial crisis what many people think that money and self esteem have absolutely nothing to do with each other is that a head scratcher for a lot of people yes because logically they seem to make no sense but the way that you were raised and the way you feel about yourself has absolutely everything to do with how you look at earning money at this point on so the difference between self esteem and self worth is the way we feel about based on how everybody else responds to us but our self worth is like if you're a twenty dollar bill twenty dollar bill no matter what and you may have been used for some you know really bad purchases or some really bad things but you'd still be worth twenty dollars and that's what we're like because we're people because we're human because we're so unique each one of us that bad is our value so when someone suffers from a lower self esteem how precisely could be make those changes to actually make more money and help their family well if you think about it there is programming that is given us like you mentioned that the wall doesn't mean a wall well when you're born you have this completely blank slate that all of the people who are important start writing their beliefs and expectations for like the parents like your parents and if you heard things like rich people are crooks or especially the money is the root of all evil that's a really big one if you heard those kinds of things repeatedly over and over in your life or perhaps if your mom saw a mercedes go by and grumble that those rich people that had the mercedes or whatever happened to be then those are the kind of beliefs that you garnered about money so it's still back there because it's your programming that make you people shy away from wanting to have more because if they were told when they were very young that people who have more might not be good people and they always want to be good people they subconsciously limit themselves from making enough to have more is that accurate that is accurate also what they do is they have these these believes that maybe because everybody wants more money and we all do so we will go ahead and we'll get more money but that programming is still there on the wall and so what you will do is you will self sabotage you'll find a way to lose it all somehow you'll spend it on thing you'll spend the money on things that you don't really need you know you might want to buy a bed instead of buying just a bed that's nice and comfortable you've got to have the the five thousand the bad as i like the i've heard so many stories where watt lotto winners lottery sorry actually lose all their money it was wish to win the lottery the next thing you know they somehow squander the winnings in their group again is that when to those belief systems it does many times the those people are from lower income brackets they've come through this situational and generational poverty then they get this outstanding wealth and their are uncomfortable with it because it's not in their head it's not in their mindset so  me two interesting facts about money before you came on to are such today you mentioned if you could tell me that little story about someone you met on the plane ride over i met an attorney who said that he had just won a very large claim against was he said it was a substantial amount of money and he said you know it was gone within a year now and he said i don't understand and so i said tell me about your childhood and he said well my parents didn't like rich people they'd always say that they were bad people and and i said that's your problem right there you will self sabotage and tell you get rid of that belief you know what i was like to say to have gratitude for what you have and if you have more you must share it because i  not just money it's called currency for a reason if it becomes stagnant it's not being current so for example yesterday when i went to submarket you know you have the little coupons for giving to the food bank if i make it a person whether you have what dollars three dollars five dollars i was with my daughter took off the three dhawan i said that's not good enough i took another three dollars on as some of the store most every day and it's us about making sure that when you're grateful i think you should keep giving so i think that helps to spill negative feelings about people with money if you have this kind of feeling of gratitude is that is that how that really works the cult streams of income other reason then when you damage up by hanging on to it desperately then it slips through your fingers and it's like if you get soap wet and you try to squeeze it what does soap going to do it's all over the place and so if you if you keep it in a stream form and you do be generous with it the more generous you are the more book come back to you so you open the doors for more to come to you whatever means so i want to see this get us to example of how could you figure out if you have limiting beliefs and what you could do to change was believe so you could get more attractive the money and let's face it no way life is a lot easier when you have no money yes if you write down everything that you've ever heard about money whatever your parents ever said whatever your friends ever said write it all down right so you can see it black and white and then write down underneath it what you believe use these words when i have this much money audience who probably wants what money do you think is the easiest most powerful way they could change this besides call you for a consultation i would have them tap there's a seat what's topping is that not it belief about money i deeply completely accept myself what does that mean what is the tapping do for someone this is it's called emotional acupressure and what it does is it actually will release the restrictions that are connection it's called the emotion freedom freedom technique can also related to that it is related to what it is they're all they're all kind of integral unrelated to each other interesting i think i don't know how many people for that but this is my first time thank you for sharing that well i think this is a fabulous weight michel thank you for coming on to explain this to our audience and for everyone who thinks themselves if i could just stop this tragedy i'm going through because of lack of money let's take a look within and see how we can reinvest in ourselves not financially but changing our personal belief systems and mindset and that i'd actually make a big difference and you might think it sounds hokey give it a chance  and if let's remember what the definition insanity of sanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results let's do something different to get those different results  welcome back to stop my crisis i'm your host vivian jaspar and i'm here to help you with your mental state today how many times have hugh had a discussion with a friend any relative it could be your child an adult child or even your parents and you feel yourself feeling just a little emotionally drained after dealing with them you must feel like you want to take a nap afterwards to recover there's actually a term for that emotional vampire yeah you heard me right that's what i mean by feeling drained and i'm here today to bring an expert to help us learn to deal with that remember you can never control someone else's actions just how you react to them michelle nagle is our guest today on this very topic and michelle nagel is america's number one resilience expert she is an author of the book suffering is optional step out of the darkness and into the light and michelle is also interesting way a certified jack canfield success principles trainer never knew that was a thing it's gritty she's also the president of the soul shift inc for the past fifteen years she has been conducting seminars and workshops and providing tools to help people overcome their limiting beliefs and live the life of their dreams i think so many people need that michelle while come to the show and this seems to be an unusually interesting topic that maybe people don't even know existed tell me what it is an emotional vampire an emotional vampire is those people in your life that when you spend time with them they just absolutely suck everything out of you so that by the time you're done you feel like you just got to drag yourself out the door again because you have no energy left and they have taken all your joy and that is i think a very big component for people to remember because remember as much as so many people are in survival mode that's why they tuned into watching stop my crisis life has to be more about surviving a crisis it has to have ways of finding the lid to live a little happier a little bit more joyful but if someone is an emotional vampire in your life do you necessarily have to cut them out of your life to regain your energy well it depends on how important that person is to you and it also depends on your are you the circumstance in which you are engaged with them like are you at work or is it a relative can usually cut those out but you know actually when somebody takes all of your energy and all of everything out of you it lowers your immune system wow it can actually make you ill so you're saying what you think is just a little  interacting with someone can actually make you ill yes there's actually a physical component to this it just it lowers your immune system so that you're more susceptible to illnesses so if your you work around somebody like that do you find that you're sick more often that you catch every bug that comes along i actually had some people in my life and unfortunately they were friends that i had been friends with for quite some time but i gradually pulled myself out of those relationships simply to be a better human being for my family my children and to grow as a person of course some ways looking to ways to improve myself but i don't know what it is a couple of facts you can provide to me about emotional vampires well again an emotional vampire can be anybody and they when you allow them to take that away from you so that you end up being l then obviously you can't be the kind of person that you want to be and if you're spending like recovering from having spent time with that individual then that takes the energy that you could use for something else so if you were trying to you know do something creative or something happy you have to spend that time recharging your own batteries just so you can do that so sometimes you have to make the determination as you did as to whether or not those people are worth keeping in your life and i know that sounds really horrible but if it's a relative and you love them you can say this is what i need from you will you please try to think of happy things well that's a great idea tell me that's one idea what i five ways to deal with emotional vampires well the first one is that you set your boundaries what you will and what you will not take from them what you will not what will or will not listen to and then the if you want to continue as i said  is what i need from you please be happy please say something positive and as an example this works really well is if somebody comes to you and my daughter did this once and many years ago she came in she would offload everything and  so draining and it was affecting my health and i would think my daughter is coming home oh no so when she would come home then i decided that what i would let her do is she needed to have that validation she needed somebody to listen to her that was important so she would tell me three things and i would count one two three and then i go stop and now tell me something good and she said well you get run over by a card it is good i'm glad thank you and now creative actually and now she went on and i said now go ahead and she told me three more and i counted one two three and then i said stop tell me something good and i did that consistently with her so that she began to look for good things and then when she found good things in her day and i forgot to ask or tell her to stop then  knew that she was well on her way to being a positive and happy person so it is possible to correct that in people and also some ask you this does that mean you're kind of secretly training your emotional vampire who's a close person to you to be less or perhaps stop oh absolutely yes because when we think positive things then we begin to be a much more positive person when we program ourselves i'm going to look for positive things then when you start finding them then you just find yourself much happier all the endorphins are coming up and then you start feeling better about things in life just look so much better and you can train somebody especially if they're a child you can train them to look for the good in life and i use a child you know honestly i mean someone who's only ten years old or twelve years old you can even be an adult child the future elders eighteen twenty twenty five thirty years old you can help them through this and you who is negative and you felt yourself being just kind of drained from them then it's really important that you recharge your batteries so i would suggest that you put on the music turn it up really loud your favorite song saying it's about that i  something really energetic go do a class for you know go to that class or something that that pumps up your energy again so that you can avoid becoming sick and so that you will have the energy that you need to be able to do what you want to do you know what just came into my mind what remember tom cruise in risky business was exactly at home in your own home mess fine let's keep the exhibitionism but it helps the endorphins it helps you recover and you know what i'm sure you could share tips of someone to give you a call and how you could perhaps transform a child you want to stay close to or spouse that just might be a little too negative and they might disguise it by saying oh thank you for letting me vent and you keep thinking stop bending already yes exactly so if you do the trick with the stop with th things and then if it is a spouse and it's important to maintain that relationship and find something that you both enjoy doing together maybe you should do the dancing together and move that sounds like a really fun way to handle it and i know this might seem trivial to some people but there has to be more people out there than not who have this kind of personal life and unfortunate lot of times they can't cut them out and when you're feeling yourself drained and you can't be as productive maybe get forms taking care of the things that you have to do or making money it's going to be a real problem that leads to more craziness in people's lives because unfortunately there's so many different things that lead to crisis so show i think this is a fantastic nother segue into a different type of crisis management thank you michelle thank you very much