hi my name's carol ricardo and welcome to the well you show if this is your first time tuning in what it is is it every two weeks we put on a show and try to give you some tools to live well and i want to introduce my co hosts i have and nine believe it or not so here's what we're going to do for today show i think it's always good if ever i have problems doing goals or like you have or have problems and people say oh what got what are goals you know i that word for me every day is what every day you know not just think you know new year's goal  it could be you know i am going to try hard today not to do something or i will get well well what what i came a came up with was is and it's interesting because i do it daily and i also think of it as the year when i think of it has this if i keep along to y'all i said ok here's a ticket an airplane ticket to where ever you wanted to go in the world you have to pick a destination right like you could say or i want to go to california you'd have to say where in california you wanted to go and i learned to do the same thing too so i don't think so much of them as goals i think of that is destination nowhere where do i think i know you i just had such a hard time you know what it is a good thing there is built in thing that will if you set a goal and you don't accomplish it then you failed and i've learned working in mental health that it's what doesn't mean you failed it just didn't get there and in working with so many patients who would set goals and then not accomplish it because it too black and white yes i think there's no you're right because to me if you start you set a destination and if you take ten steps towards it you've made progress and so i guess that's what i want to kind of want to bring get you guys thinking about the day's destinations and progress can we kind of pick destinations and i asked you guys to think about twenty nineteen and what they said was think about things that instead were goals that i you know i said things about things that you would like to do or things that you would like to accomplish and so i want us just to make i want to kind of show you how we can turn this process because honestly i do this with everything i do  workshop if i do a presentation if i i don't even i actually didn't do it for this particular show but it would happen in my mind but here's what i want to demonstrate to you all and even if you're not quite sure what your destinations are for say twenty nineteen i want people to still try this but hears you and the way i want you to think about is just go ahead i'm almost used to different markers so i got both you covered so tell me something come twenty nineteen that you would like to accomplish or do ok so i'm trying to think of the category and one of the things that are is there a destination it's a bad habit of comparing myself to other people so i my so your so what you'd like to do in twenty nineteen notice i put less comparison i didn't say you were going to get perfect at it you know but that's kind of a i think of it as something that you want to make progress toward yeah right how about for you i are just starting to say we can we say walk yes but that also includes walking without pain right yeah yeah yeah that's that's important right that's a good point yeah let will start there will start here done november to get done november i'm aiming for tomorrow i don't know if it's going to happen or not but oh i want to have my online course stress stress and it was on my twenty eighteen list too but guess what my point with this is that sometimes we keep revisiting things which is why i put less comparison for you rather than i'm not going to because guess what you will it's a progress and then another one i would say is is less judgments all and and part of that is i hear a few other people that then it breaks my heart how judge mental they are and then i think that i say well wait a minute i'm not perfect i'm just i'm judging could put a both like this about self improvement ok wanting to improve just who you are you know and what i important i want to say is that what this means is that doesn't mean it where you who you are is bad it just well here's the thing is it's amazing to me because we don't know what we don't know until we learn it we don't know it and sometimes the only way that happens is it shows up in your life and you're like oh my god like home can you think of all right where you can go right which means you take more advantage of where you can't go did so so this this is what i really encourage people to do we did this once before with something else and it was called the min the idea of it was on one piece of paper just taking one piece of paper and then just jotting down all the ideas that we can come up with so that we can capture those ideas  but you i want come back this minute because you brought up something i think it's really important especially as we look towards the new year and what it is and i think easier to get overwhelmed by what i just asked you what do you want to accomplish what you want to do it's like oh my god carol and you said something which was kind of the right way and that is taking a look at different areas of your here and i think know i think relationships even if we're in ones that can be challenging to me is maybe for the new years how can i not let that person challenge me quite so much you know or what do i need to do and under the and then that's when i guess would go along with that communication yeah yeah i think that's a great ear yes to kind of say you know and and show here's i want to say there's two words that can kind of go you know whichever might fit with somebody else here but there is work goals you know certain people could have or if you work for yourself it could be business goals that you have that you want to set and and quite honestly that's where i think i've learned the most in the last year is that if i would i was never very good at setting goals you guys or even targets you know i just it just it was like well i want to do this and you know i don't care how much money or whatever it is will make i just resolution well interestingly enough that's why we're kind of going about it this way because i don't think resolutions so much work for a lot of people mean that they're to me they're not a destination they're right sometimes people don't think about this now and then the next year goes by and i'm guilty of that because i always claim that my house had family come for a couple weeks so i had to clean up my basement and and i think financials important because it could be you know you could set a goal for yourself somebody could say alright i want to find a job or i want to change my financial situation or you don't want to get worse like that could be paying off yeah so we've got self esteem we've got healthy relationships communication work and business leisure financial i'm trying to think if we're missing out any i put family in relationships i've seen it  and you know what there is one other well there's actually two others but i think of this one is spiritual yeah you that's just and again spirituality is individual defines it now i'm does it look at this list does it get you guys thinking about any a couple others you know that you would want to explain what it is because i think it will help somebody why ok so for years or is this a preserve that was in place where all that was really for people to come in and enjoy the wildlife and  then this year they decided not only are there are open for but one arrow but also and initially then it's closed completely so place actually allowing hunting to go although there are a lot of ground to go on done like a guy did i know it's not same but sometimes your mind doesn't know the difference if you could put yourself in that place mentally while i'm lucky enough that you know where i live yes so i can you know go outside and there's trees and  full mourner you know yes there was a really big move and they were shooting it was nine thirty ten o'clock at night wow that's not allowed wow yeah where i live we have hunters too and i think the people well i the only thing i've seen at night was the little headlights from there and i ran four by four little r v things but it's the property oh wait a second guess what i don't know of word for this but it really is a great it is another area in your life to just kind of get to think about why this is only where i want to come up  want one on one or you think now i'm thinking of more like i don't know c i do this show because we get to teach people tools but i also though because i love teaching and there are i but i'm thinking more of like say nami and kind of being involved with so i do have something i do every single year and involved with the harvest of hope and you know you've been involved in actually you know what it is service to others and finding  not a better word but just a carson and you can champion or kind of put some of your energy behind like i remember having a girlfriend who back she had made this be her or her new years sort of destination and that was she when they had hurricane katrina she ended up going down to new orleans and did a week with the cleanup crew and just went down there and just you know to get paid he had to find her own way down there but he covered the mules and she just was down there kind of helping no getting out of our own lives and getting into somebody else being able to give to somebody else i used to have patients who would even just go and walk dogs at the animal at the animal place at sea and that was part of what they would kind of do it this year and it could be anything it's helping the caregivers yeah you know so it's all kind of possibilities that caught my attention yeah another organization good grief very and oh yeah yeah very interesting that when you have so guess what ok hold this i was going to volunteer because that way it could kind of capture what it was that you just said the two organizations from that  you know carol what i want to add my i just don't know how to start oh i don't know why i can't picture how it will come together but because of my journey from march and experience with so many doctors and procedures that were on this  somehow i have to do something with that yeah yeah so as a destination but i don't have any of it figured out what i think what is so important about what you just said because year own our own personal experiences you know can help so many other people and that's what you meant by that was kind of wanting to save somebody from having to go through some of the same you went through yeah and that yeah yeah and i would say you know just keep advocating for yourself and and it can be really hard because you think you're going to the best of the best so you really have to work at it and listening to your body or listening to your  i have to put that one up there for you for twenty nineteen because it sounds like you started and you just want to continue to advocate i just don't know how you know how to do that yet well you know it's interesting  note i was just i was listening to n p r and last night when i was driving home she was talking to the mother of the reporter and i feel badly because i can't remember her name but the mother of a reporter who was killed back in tw fourteen isis and she had started a nonprofit foundation to help other families who have had family members be taken hostage and and it's just it just made me think about what we're talking about about how you can take your own experience and we can channel those feelings either in a negative way or we can channel them in a positive way and what you're kind of describing is using all that you had to go through to channel it in a more positive way rather than the negative way i mean actually it's what i think about somebody's heart was just ripped out but it's some point they made it their destination to make a difference and and you know what i guess for me that that i think is you know is it i want to make a bigger difference and for me that's the whole goal of the online course you know is i've taught people how to deal with stress and i can go do all a workshop here or do workshops there or i can write this book but the truth is that i want to help more people or you know how kind of make be bigger  difference thank you so but what i love about doing something like this is it doesn't have to be so formal inch away rigid now if we were i was to make you ladies do a little bit more work what you would want to do and if somebody is watching us using this tool is that then from each spot you kind of would say all right well what is one thing that i can do so and then kind of create that you know show the here and then kind of say that self improvement or julie here well this week let me tell you w then presenting this today was to just give people a new way of looking at where you are at the beginning of twenty nineteen and were are the kind of the destinations or where would you like to make progress in your life don't think of it it's goals don't think of it as resolutions just think of it is something more than that you know and now and again what i think happens is it sometimes  barriers that come up and get in your way which again doesn't mean you failed if you don't end up getting there you know like you could not have people show up in your life for a whole year and then guess what happens all of a sudden boom and you know they kind of fail yes yes so so in the hospital every morning we use to my program we used to have what they called morning goals group and the goal of it was is it people would have to come up with two goals an inside goal was what did they want to focus on while they were in the treatment program that day and then they had to have an outside goal you know and that was what did they want to do what was it going to do to keep themselves getting well well guess what i came a lo i revolted and i said no we're not going to do goals i called it morning focus a change the name of the group there and i changed the name of what we were doing so i want to know what do you want to focus on while you're here today and i want to know is what do you want to focus on when you go home tonight you're going to do to keep yourself well and it's amazing the change in that one word from the old very clear that certainly if people didn't accomplish what exactly it's over well where it is it is just focused on and again that step two is that you might take two steps forward and you take one step back but you're still going toward your desk lesson but if you keep going and i would literally show this to my patients because they said well you take two steps forward but then i take one step back and i'm like yeah so what's wrong with that and i would literally show them two steps forward one step back the secret is if you just keep taken a two and you don't give up then he end up still further ahead when you explain that in your in your class carol did you say focus on did you say focus on something positive you know i would just say pick something to focus on just  so thank you here is a great i hope that this was helpful to people watching again think of your goals instead as destinations or choose progress points you want to go so here's to living well today