most comes in many forms and usually an unexpected ways it can be devastating leaving you facing an uphill struggle to go on with life without someone you will always be there but life does go on and even in the deepest despair we can peterson coming on the show and he's going to talk about how he's rebuilt his life and you know after the death of his daughter ashley and he's done a lot of thing on our show and so some of the audience might recognize him absolutely is also an inspirational speaker and he has traveled all over the united states with angels across the usa giving concerts and messages of motivation and transformation to people have had a loss and don't forget his wife denise that takes him out there's journeys mom i always say denise is th wonderful she is with the tony brown foundation and she lives up in connecticut and we're going to talk all about her foundation and how she really inspires people to find purpose and meaning after a loss and she does that in memory of her son tony ross absolutely and he  it's extreme sports kid and he's adorable and then we're going to interview chris munch and he is so unique he absolutely is he helps people build birdhouses and many of them don't even own a  and this is part of it he owing your life it is dealing with it it's a metaphor for your life and for the grief process and for a house project and we're going to love to talk to people about the birdhouse project and he again does that and name that his tile in the name of blank absolutely and being on the radio shows i just believe so much in what you are trying the message you're trying to get out and today shows a great example of that rebuilding your life after loss and you know people do it in different ways and i think today's interesting because you have three different people who did it in different ways so thanks for having me appreciate it yeah well tell us where were you tell us about your daughter ashley dion and i mean we know you as this guy who's you know helping other people and playing your music and selling your three days to people and you know with your joyous music that you write yourself where you always there and you wrote music before but then you tell me about a time when the music didn't come or yeah my daughter ashley was eighteen she died in an automobile accident in august of two thousand and one i'd lived in written music in nashville and been around the entertainment business and radio business but i believed i'd never write a song again and i was very fortunate i really one reason i like to support programs like yours and be here whenever i can is because i believe if we can get the message out to people who feel hopeless that hope can be found that that and a fulfilling life is attainable by going through grief you know i remember someone early on telling me that grief could define me or grief could refine me and when i didn't think you know i thought well what am i going to do and where my guy to go i began to ponder that i began to think well the life i had i'm not going to have and but the life that i can have i can begin building and so i began to take my music when i thought i'd never write again and began to just basically write my story but right all of our story i really felt like i was the songwriter who would write the story of loving someone so much having them die missing them so much and then walking back into life and that's really what my life's been about for wellston what's amazing about that message it's your message but it's everyone's experience and how do we do that and my mom and i are always saying you know lena our help until you find your own because sometimes you need people like alan and my mom and me you need to look at them and say they're they're not only surviving but they're thriving and if they can do it maybe i can eventually yeah you know we spent the weekend many of us at the periphery parents of the usa conference and i think one wonderful thing about doing that work is people will come up to you and say you know you gave me something today that i can apply to my life and i'm going to go home and do that now we don't you know save anybody's life people will come up sometimes say you know alan your music saved my life and i always pause and say you know what i music didn't change your life give yourself the credit and now something i said inspired you to take an action that changed your life i'm so honored to be a part of that for you so all the different messages from people who are on your programs and right on the open hope website they just offer different little pieces that people can pick up and put in their arsenal you know glen or the grief to a box and he had them on and that's their philosophy to is to find the tool that works for you the right tool for the job and so i'm blessed to go out and and put that message out there of proactive grieving as much c and myself a college where you take control of your grief journey and you chart the course because our love story is not over our love story did not end at the funeral at the wake at the cemetery our love story continues and it's what we do with that continuing the love story for our children our loved ones that makes all the difference i believe so tell me you've just heard ashley's been killed where are you well i was on the road in tucson arizona on the side of the interstate i found out and i remember you know some people don't remember the st thing they said or did but i absolutely do i just marched around my car saying i don't know what to do  what to do what do i do you know life doesn't prepare you for information like that i'm just feel very fortunate that i found a wonderful support group and a grief program and that i began to get a good  guy that went to a grief program yeah right about nine other women and of all i was yeah and how did you find it i actually somebody referred it to me ok and i was just just i always feel fortunate i if i say there are no accidents it was where i was supposed to be and even early on in grief i began getting the basics of good grief information that that healing be guinn's with helping in some of these things and then to remember that ashley lived and even one was hard to apply it those basic ten of the great journey and processing grief would help me as the years went by because i could implement what i learned early on i always tell people educate yourself fully other pieces you know over people are always saying well i don't know what works for me and i say well when you when you feel a chef they start feeling a little bit better think about what you're doing because different things work for different people as you said right and not everybody is going to write a book or build a new wing to the hospital for some people it might just be becoming a better listener yeah it you know you find your way through grief and you know we meet people all the time say i don't know what works for me well keep trying things it's a process of elimination something is going to stick that that's going to work for you that's going to bring you a little drop of you can allow people to serve you and you know that's being of service to them and you say something heidi that it's true that when you reach out and help people you begin to see the worth and the value in yourself because grief can can be so hard on our self esteem and our self worth and giving lets us realize or allows us to realize that we do have value we do have something we continue to have something to offer even when we don't feel hope so i'm sitting here and i'm thinking h saying this and i'm trying to get my husband to say this and i want him to go to a great group and he is not crying and he's not doing this and he's not doing that and you know i just can't get the god to move what do you say you know what i say grief there's not a lot of guys i know that want to go sit in a circle and talk when they're the maybe the only guy in the room but i'm guessing that your husband or anybody else's husband they do grieve you know grief is what goes on on the inside and and how they grief they might be out in the garage you know hammer into a birdhouse like you know they were parked in a punching bag or go on for a job you know we tend to want to think that we all need to grieve the same way i happen to be i've been a writer my whole life you know i hung out in the poetry club so i was that guy anyway so i can write my feelings it comes easy for me to express my feelings but not every guy can do it but that doesn't mean i'm processing my grief any slower or faster than the guy who doesn't talk that much or doesn't cry that much we all do it uniquely and we find our ways to do it and that is so great what you're saying and how do people find you and how do they get your records and all that well but if they go to my website which is angels across the usa dot you a city and wherever that is i promise you i'm going to come to a city near you contact him and he'll be there absolutely thanks for being on ellen and we're going to have you stand talk with them because faldo to with us right in a moment so everything you do i think you know for being you she's doing a lot of events like that's on the excited to see this rollout and what's really neat as you live in new york city you can see it there for the day right absolutely it's a very short trip for me so people that are around in the new york city area they might want to look for what t so let's see that roland now ok i mean i can style the founder of the tony brown foundation and tony it's mom our family started the tony brown foundation after tony's death from medical complications on july th two thousand and nine tony lived a life full of adventure and risk he had packed more life into his twenty four years than most can do in a lifetime and he would never let anything stand in the way of accomplishing the goal he would set for himself we have set the mission of the tony brown foundation to inspire and support individuals to lead a fulfilled life after suffering the death of a loved one the foundation mission is based on the idea of being able to pursue an interest that will let others lead an enriched life moving forward the foundation offer support to those walking with great journey through support groups candle lighting events grief workshops and many other activities if you'd like to learn more about the foundation visit us on the web at the tony brown foundation dot org well and holy and it is to have you come in today and so great and heidi was so impressed and so spiritually moved by the things you're doing and by your foundation you're doing you're just doing so much for the community and to talk to us about what you're doing how the foundation is kind of transformed and changed over time well you know it started out simply as a scholarship fund and have her candlelighting event also and i've incorporated my boys into it they've come more on board with wanting to support tony's life and the boys when they were out they were so david and danny they want to their grief process is emerging as they saw mine emerge there's emerging and they want to support tony's life they want to acknowledge that he lived and help others find a way that they know how did tony die and how long's it been it was four years on july th that he died and i did that's my had left the unit it physically i still feel him every day to work me all the time and i do believe that he inspires everything that we do yeah so he died from medical complications after a procedure very ahead of him he wanted to film extreme sports and yeah he was going to film school in three weeks from graduating my goodness yeah so tell us what the foundations up to now and what you're doing and what people can expect well we have big play and for the found out that we want to start to inspire people one of my big goals is to open a healing center up in the adirondacks where we have property that tony absolutely loved up there so we're hoping to open some kind of healing center that will provide like a bed and breakfast for families and every tree to get away and also to provide activities that will help them and risk their lives give them an opportunity for sue something they may find interest in but we're also going to be offering that along the way with being involved in extreme sport camps and offering scholarships to those film schools different opportunities for people to explore the great that's wonderful and i know you had everybody up there allan you  i st met her she just said hey what's going to take to get you to come to my community here in monroe and and to do a concert an event and and she went and made it happen and then she said but you and mitch carmody you do the day with mitch carmody what's it going to take to get you here to do that and i just watched her go out of her comfort zone to to do more and to give more and in doing that she inspires those of us that do this work and so she's somebody i'm so very proud of she's got that of the giver and that compassion that just makes those of us who do this work want to partner with her and so it's beautiful and so i mean you're the proof that you know you just decided you wanted to help people  scholarship foundation and how long after that i wouldn't tell you december after tony dies two thousand and nine and it just continued to grow my st big event was having alan out and i noticed the need of the people they just they loved it they were inspired by it so come this fall i'm actually doing a two day event a great and we're going to have alan and mitch out and darcy simmons and kind of a day of hope healing and friendship similar to the day we did in february  our community needs it desperately and you're close to the newtown we are we are and you know those families are kind of separate they have their own huge grief that they're dealing with but the community in the whole you know is so full of with  people well what i found when you brought us up there and is that when we were doing the event because you are just one turn over from newtown that the newtown situation triggered everybody's own grief reaction to their did it up which makes sense i mean i work i've worked at nine hundred and eleven for ten years and i know i got calls from people that were you know had had someone die nine hundred and eleven after newtown because it just brought up their own grief all over again examples of reminders an anniversary reactions or you are really tough to deal with well we want to thank you for the world you're doing and for everything that you've done in honor of tony and we hope that we true can help you through the open hope condition and the work that and he's the man who builds a bird house and it's going to be fun to hear what he does and how he frames that you know full frame house and still will be seen a role in with chris talking a little bit about the work he's doing and that will happen com and show us how to do a birth i mean right i love i love a history about fifteen years ago i ended up divorced it i struggled with it absolutely struggled with it to be honest with you i struggled with it just across the street from this house but in that rebuilding process of that house i started to find my life again started to pick up the pieces and put it back together and then five years after that divorce tragedy struck i remember waking up in the house the phone ringing and it was a policeman and he said hey chris he said this is sher your son was in an accident tonight and he didn't make it in the world i knew everything that i put together the businesses i build up to that point absolutely made a nuisance and honestly i didn't care about him any more so i had to find meaning in my life heard experiencing tragedy in my own life there was on a project that i didn't hesitate to pick up these tools and rebuild what was broken then i started thinking about my own personal life after tragedy struck me why am i afraid to pick up the tools and rebuild chris founder of the birdhouse project join me as we work through these pieces and rebuild our lives together through the walls of a bird house well low thanks thank you so here we got the bird house the hammer all the stuff i love it absolutely so tell us about the bird house how did you get into it and what what does that mean i get the meaning of it  it's really well the bird house project is it's i'm a builder i'm a renovator of homes and after i started i became a high school wood shop teacher and through that process of becoming a teacher i started thinking about my life and i thought eight houses why can't i renovate my life and just kind of accidentally stumbled across kids learn best by picking up tools by picking up objects they can remember it's a collaboration of the heart mind and hands i connect the eyes all i like that last line and yeah and so i just really attach specific questions to each piece and as you pick up each piece it's symbolic of rebuilding it's really interesting it's a it's just kind of a guide to introspection to reflection on your own life the birdhouse project honestly it really doesn't have anything to do it all with birdhouses it's kind of funny it's just it's just a metaphor and i get people to pick up those pieces and part was basically what a metaphor for your journey absolutely ok this is this represents you who's a person you'll see you can see inside the birdhouse it's written in the writing as a person goes through the project they write their thoughts their feelings who am i what am i feeling how do i react why my emotions you know so you've got in there with even if it says foundation just a building block of who we are i look at a house and i look at a concrete wall i think you know if that foundation isn't stable what i want to rebuild on that and so it's really asking a person what building blocks of my past experiences is or stable in which building blocks or not and so the birdhouse project gets you to take the pieces of your life that you need to work on and take them through a series of questions and set goals and create affirmation and find resources so i was in your workshop and you had the thought this was all what c this was all and cardboard and then i wrote on the pieces and i what would i write on the earth while the sidewalls were about your emotions so i put my motions down anger frustration through whatever then the opposite shelter the what's what's really interesting about the bird house project is it continues to evolve like i continue to evolve the walls are similar to what they were when i st started but as i'm learning and growing i'm starting to see new things develop it's kind of like you know i'm a builder so if i pick up a tool and i learn there's a better tool to use to get the job done obviously i'm going to switch to a better tool and that's the whole goal is to give people tools that when they walk away they'll remember it they know what a hammer so for and then i you know so when they set goals when you look at the goals wall it's on the front wall when i leave the house in the morning before i go out the door i'm going to set measurable goals and i love you know i've got to say i know that you speak all over the country and i want to tell everybody out there you do not have to be a builder of anything to get a lot out of this workshop i have never done this workshop and i knew i've known you for a couple years now and i did it two weeks ago and it is absolutely one of the best workshops i've ever done in my life it is really transformational and i learned a lot about myself and left feeling very different so i mean it's there's something the whole project really crew i became i was wanted to be a wood shop teacher and after blake got i really didn't have a lot of hope i guess is that it was very dark in my life and standing at his grave on his what would have been his th birthday i decided you know what i need to do i need to get in the classroom and so i got a nickel i became a high school woodshop teacher and those kids ask me a lot of tough questions they were a lot of adults for me didn't want to be honest but those kids were honest and they were curious and i opened my heart to them and allowed those questions and more questions developed and they told me one day i wasn't i didn't do a lesson very well and they told me it was easy to be a teacher and so i created this i created a brought in a bunch of  graders and we built birdhouses that and i saw all this collaboration between high school kids and that's really how the project started and now you're teaching college level and you teach construction management now you know it's i've forty state university and he's kansas small university out of nearly sixty miles from my home where i grew up now here you are in the brief parents conference with us and a lady comes up and tell you about her child jumping off the golden gate bridge and the next thing i know she comes up and tells me that chris money is going to the golden gate bridge with her and they are going to go there and build a birdhouse where her son jumped on you yeah i and that was yesterday i was yesterday i couldn't imagine being anywhere else there as my sister said when i told her what i did yesterday it was her birthday it was my birthday she said you know most people would run from that opportunity but my life is so different now i run towards those opportunities and in so we were there and got to stand and see and be together at that spot and and it was very powerful for me as it was for her and how h receive the call and what it was like to be there that day and to stand and and look over that railing well chris i want to thank you so much for being on the show and i know that you can be found at the grief tool box and also you've got a website