today colleen mar her it was fourth term mare of the borough of fanwood and a strategic woman leader in politics and carolina down hard who have had on the show before turning a bud lardner and founder of divorce dynasty which is a new launch new program can't wait to talk about it so today just to kind of set the platform we're talking about women in politics women in la women in leadership women in general and all of the fun and dirt and everything that goes with that so so if i may if i can start with you carol and just me a little background how you got into politics as we were talking earlier this morning you know the world and the arena of politics and the mystique the perception sure why some women don't get involved let's go way back and talk all the sure so first thanks for having me i'm really excited to be here and just talk about women and what women are doing in new jersey whether it be in the public sector in that in the private sector and how our paths cross right because that's what this is about ra empowering women this is about finding where your voices and what motivates you to get out there so i was motivated almost twenty years ago to get into public service i grew up in a family of politicians you know my mother was involved with statewide government so i sort of learned it at the kitchen table my father was a banker so i'm the product of the you know government and politics and business and banking and giving back to the community and i was fortunate to work in the city of jersey city when i came out of college and it was there that i saw firsthand the power of government and how government does have a place in people's lives and if it's harnessed correctly it can be transformative and you can really do so much good so i did that for a bunch of years and when i decided to start my family i moved into the borough of fanwood and i got involved with local government you know because i there was change and you know fifteen years ago i saw there was things that i felt i could do right you know you kind of felt called to you know let me not you not a regional a cause i've said no when they first came to find i actually said no thank you when the local democratic party asked me to get involved but when they came back a second time i had that moment of if i don't do it i'll always wonder why and so fast forward i'm in my fourth term and one of the longest serving directly elected mayors in new jersey is i sit here today and i will become the president of the league of municipalities in november which is sort of the the voice for the five hundred sixty five municipalities for the next year you know policy and government and everything that touches our lives because everything really starts on the local level in government in along the way you know the mayor and the politics and getting involved in trying to be a role model for women because our numbers especially on the local level are pretty dismal and i think we talked about that i am one of only fifteen percent of women who are mayors in the state of new jersey and when you think about that we're fifty percent of the population right but yet we're only fifteen percent sort of the leader of the local municipality and then when you move it to the governing body if you sound a little submissive there's only about thirty percent yes when you think of governing bodies can be anywhere from three to like ten individuals on a governing council so our voices on the local level think that's where our paths and she crossed so it's very very meaningful for me is that i've been on your show before and talked about my story but you know i'm a divorce attorney and i dubbed as the voice for women i was married to a politician who is still a state senator and that's how colleen and i became friends all those years ago but professionally as my career grew very very reconnected because we have a common theme and that is to promote and elevate women and my personal contribution to this is that all those years ago when we first met and when divorce followed i felt myself completely unprepared so i was that woman that even though i had a master's degree i stood by you know my husband at the time politically and i was doing great things in the community i had no idea what we had what we didn't have were bills we had would savings we had i just didn't know i didn't take an interest and when divorce comes for a woman at that moment you feel completely lost and unequipped to make  important life decisions fast forward i went to law school i am now a litigator with the short hills from above larner and i vowed that i would not allow any client that retains me to find herself in those shoes it is unacceptable to me that women do not know what their financial picture looks like it's on the acceptable to me that women's wear it's on heard it's unacceptable to me that women are afraid potentially in a marriage it's just completely something that should not exist and through a collaboration with our local leaders for women we are able to address those gaps provide education so that's what brings me here and for as long as i'm doing this that's going to be my platform right right you know i agree and we were certainly our conversation this morning  and just hearing both of you with that dynamic description it just leads me to think about what does that mean what does that look like and i know you're doing some programs that i really want to talk about it and  think kind of food for thought as we move forward in this conversation what does it look like to not only and help empower women because we do a lot of talking about this in all of our women's groups what it has it show up well first of all and if i just may start with this it's really boils down to something a simple yet huge which is education women for some reason and i see this in you know affluent clients middle class clients and clients that are struggling they give up the power of financial record keeping and sit at the table when they get married i don't know why that is and these are women that could be executives but when you are not a partner on the financial conversations of your household you are not able to make decisions for your family and when death divorce or disability of a spouse occurs you don't have all the tools you need even if you want to and you and you're showing up and you're so enthusiastic to be a participant you don't have the tools so it starts with education what's going to come to the farm i want to talk about estate planning but if we get them into a comfortable setting and talk about statistics of what goes wrong they listen because it's part of an overarching conversation right whether it's how do we get women involved in politics and i know you know i'm generalizing because i just think there's a mystique around both of these areas and i think you know the education so you're not educating women that are considering worse you're educating you know possibly young women that are newly married yet who haven't even made those decisions just understanding the role that they need to play in their own lives and yes and that moves from their own lives inside their own house in the four walls on the roof that they call home in their personal lives to moving it out into the public and what is important to them you know and it does in the story have to be you know their kids going to school in the p t a s anymore or the girl scout leaders which we still have very strong foundations in the but i have seen over the last say fifteen years women stepping into the political arena yeah and sort of getting a hard lesson at times because it is it is not for the faint of heart but it is still something that women need to participate in for themselves for their families for their future you know for the homes of the communities that they live in you know there's a state and they need to make that stake and that requires them to get involved in what that looks like and taking away that mystique is the fear or having people that they can look to that have sort of you know started out you know wasn't handed anything we made our own way in what we do you know i  made my own way fifteen years ago and i'm here today with my head held high about being involved in politics and and not winning every election or not winning every battle that i choose to go in where i believe i can make difference and taking a step back and kind of figuring out what your next step is but just not going away yeah yeah and i think you touch on a really good point because you even mentioned earlier it's about our voice and it's about realizing we have a voice and you know young women middle aged women older women doesn't matter where you are on the spectrum we each of us feel called by something you know whether it's  you know changes in traffic patterns whether it's politics and the different views whether it's school decisions healthcare decisions we all feel called something and realizing that we have a voice and realizing that being are authentic so our authentic selves which i look at you colleen and i'm saying you're you are an authentic leader so you show up  stronger one of the things that i have really found over the years is trying to dispel certain it's about women in politics and women in government or whether it's the grassroots whether you're on the ballot or sort of your behind the  e is is to try to remove the fear right you know there's a lot of the fact that you're not good enough or that you need some sort of special degree you know bill will always ask you know like when i go to college for was an english major you know i went to a liberal arts college you know i'm a mother of three boys you know i sort is it's own education and there is a special place for a mother for three days i'll tell you but those boys have grown up you know know only one thing that their mother is a mayor and they look at it as their mother helping people but i want women to look at me and what i do and in take away that mystique were you know i'm not that i should be that special unique you know i i believe i can make a difference you know i tell women just find your lead to change so you know men do a great job whether it's on the golf course or over cigars over scotch and they're building each other up in their head got this deal for you let me make this introduction women are not so good at that and i feel that through our collaboration which you're certainly involved with and what we do collectively whether it's at the corporate level which i'm more involved with or at the the political level which cohen is more involved with when you organize smart messaging when you give women the platform to take on a cause it has impact and if you go back to you know the voters and i worked for nonprofit for many years under represented people developmental disabilities one or two didn't make an impact but when we got five hundred in elizabeth new jersey to go out and vote they were heard so our mission right now and our challenge really is to organize this in a way where women are educated poised together position and heard and we're seeing a lot i'm seeing a lot more of that in the last two to three years than i have ever seen it you know am i am really seeing women on the grassroots level find their voice you know and how and they're sort of figuring out you know how to marry that idea that authenticates them love the corporate america is stepping up you know we have the whole way to move in right now and and i don't want to you know this isn't a feminist movement it's not a quality right so the fact that you know big brokerage houses law firms other corporations have majorly well established women's initiatives right now where where you know people like myself or callie we could go in there for lunch and learn we could talk about what's happening with women in law women in politics and you're the audience is women in their twenty's women in their sixty's everything in between and you're able to share a message across really all age ranges for them to then unify the fact that corporate america is doing this to me is a major major movement in the right direction yeah yeah no absolutely i mean that's that's our that's where we do all of our work is in corporate america and  d actually kind of working through we work with some of the leaders building the women's programs is really to make it meaningful right not just check a box because that's that happens far too often just if we pull the lens out of even what we're doing here in this country and we kind of compare it internationally linda tara whalen wrote the book women lead the way and it is really about the equality of our voice right and we're how we come to each discussion and conversation and you know you we were talking earlier about about managing all of the priorities in our lives and is women some of our priorities take on a vaster meaning than maybe just yours or our job role in this is what and i'm providing for my family in that those are some traditional things maybe on the on the on the men side and the women are just over now it's this mixed bag we have a million priorities but the reality is women are taking a look at things a little bit differently from that family aspect and when you take a look at the boards across health care and across government and in other places in the world i mean there is a mandate around equality we will have equal voices because that is this is what's going to bring us to the right image and that's what i'm actually seeing probably in the last year is women who are not the getting off the you know getting out of their houses and getting more involved in issues and then by default getting involved in politics you know or getting involved with an issue and then when they see that inequality when they see that injustice and they're out aged they're starting to really open their mouths and they're starting to band together and they're not whispering anymore and they're not you know and that's where you know it makes me feel good that the change is going to happen because we need to be at the table literally right and we need to be part of those actual decisions are the politically powerful decisions you know or whether in the boardroom not be viewed as tokens right but you know and it is the merging i think of women from all facets that you know are shaking their heads and saying no you know i don't like what i see you know and that gives me put a smile on my face to know that we can build an army and that army can actually be you know diverse you know and that's what's going to be the change that so i  a built in army in red right so if i for moment and the reason that i think this is the proper time to bring this up is because you know colleen said women will act when they have to react and my whole platform is about that's fine i'm glad you could you know pull up your big boy pants and react properly but let's prepare ahead of time no divorce dynasty stemmed from really the way that i viewed my clients my women clients were coming in and they were me ten years ago unprepared an educated and lost and i said you know what i work with some of the best professionals in the industry i'm referring them to the top realtors mortgage brokers bankers financial planners why are we not now working together why are we not providing these women with a concierge service that when they come into scattered running scared will i be you know i get kicked out of my home is he going to cut off my credit card am i going to lose my car no you're not let's calm down but here's a team because i'll tell you ladies men and i don't mean to be stereotypical but when they come into divorce they have a team yes they had a financial plan on speed dial they have these people so the concept is you're not alone if you didn't do your homework and now you're facing divorce let me help you but the obligation for you as a woman that is now going to go through divorce is to go out there an educated least one other person so when it's her time and if it's not her time fine but if her spouse dies she's better equipped so the platform is made up this is the nationals this is the network these are my they represent sectors of industry right so we have as i said the financial planners the mortgage brokers interestingly the mortgage brokers women who are stay at home wives don't have credit how are you going to buy your husband out of the home and take over the mortgage or you know what i have a mortgage broker on says where you get your team it's a ready made one stop shopping and the goal obviously is that you know somebody selling a home when they go to just can also liberty realty they may not need may they may not be going through a divorce but they'll know that jessica has someone her speed dial so i compare it to the black american express conch your service something i wish i had available for myself all those years ago and i see this really helping and in parenting women yeah now it's fantastic so this was the had our big launch a month county is three reached out to me and said this is amazing women need this come down to south jersey so we were in south jersey yesterday we are really all over new jersey at this point we're launching california chicago and florida we're already in new york and we're going to be building these teams others of me in other parts of the country that are going to put these teams together absolutely no cost just support there's no climate lesson you are telling me there's no fee for this so it's just a matter of getting my rolodex which i have spent the last ten years building right wow that's phenomenal so what about the network great so what about the network of when are they there to support each other one hundred percent so  i come on board with this so you know better than anyone because you've been involved leading women entrepreneurs and really have to give credit to linda well brought the c e o and founder for this concept of bringing women across all sectors women leaders together to support one another support one another in business development and self growth right so i only attract people that have that mindset like minded women that want to open up their rolodex not do this but open up their old decks and say i want to now help you because now it's the platform is there twenty five about what is that support model look like this is definitely something you know that that supports that and it absolutely does here on the concept even outside of this you know particular place you know we all do have our networks we have a rolodexes we have you know people that we trust and so how do we how do we share that this isn't that what it's all about right isn't it you know about leading in leaving an impression you know leaving what we decided to get involved in a little bit better than when we found it or when we started i know and growing in stumbling into opportunities and helping women you know whatever that authentic help you know that like  know what good is my rolodex or my phone that i'm glued to iraq doing is working for myself right there is a book that was on the new york times bestsellers called the little black book and it was you know the baby sitter that went out and all the contacts and except the value is in the context but the value in my cont they can help you with and what your contacts that's how we build a network and i'll tell you you know we don't have a lot of time of it then but what you're doing and being the head of the league of municipal is incoming president that's where i think we are going to be able to truly so you know we represent you know elected officials on the local level you know are sort of like ground zero right where we all live and it's our quality of life and and we talked about yeah and  hope is when i become the president and besides leading some policy issues and representing what's important to us the taxpayers is really giving women that platform in government and business and showing how they can do a better and we're going to have a session down at the league yeah you know municipalities in atlantic city in november about you know women in the both the public in the private sector and how we can actually help each other and ultimately then we help our entire community apps you know and that's really what it is about because women get into things i think from a different slant because we truly believe we can make a difference we don't necessarily jump into things i think for monetary you know we were moved by our heart in our passion yes you know in then we have to figure out how we can make some fun doing it and i say we as women entrepreneurs the communities and the mayors need to hear what women need from their communities so you know there are so many women that we know that start companies build business but if they don't have the support of the local officials and there's either permit issues or whatever it is right there's got to be a conversation because women are truly a huge part of the development of the town and their needs yeah better work and i think a little example i have women that are starting businesses whether they're ophthalmologists for the opening stores in my community and the very first ever construction thing that they do is outfitting their space and time is money because they're paying they have lease payment and they have never done any sort of construction they have never done a permit and i have seen hell things get dragged down and they've lost money and they've gotten so upset because you know they've made that decision to be an entrepreneur small business owner but they don't  so magine now the team helping the woman coming to town is a van would buy a franchise we have the person coming into outfit the space we have conversations on banking to help them get the loans this is what we're going to be doing for the communities and it may start from a divorce which is a negative experience but look at the growth potential or any woman but this dialogue and bringing in our networks together is going to make it a lot easier for these women to transition is critical it's critical it kind of leads me to colleen if people want to get in touch with you and get volved one of the two ways that sure so the simplest way is since i am the mayor in fanwood which is up in union county is just to reach out through me on the municipal website ok you know or just call right directly to borough hall which she can get off to is your e mail on there yes and one yeah yeah absolutely yeah they can reach out quietly they can call my office you know leave a message you know here you know i think we're all a just you know who is over watching today you know maybe we can you know give them that hope or give them the courage to to do whatever may be their stumbling with right right and is there any particular event coming up that somebody hearing this over the next month or two that might want to jump in so you know i get involved with you know sort of taking the mystique off of politics you know a lot because women want to just hear that you can actually do it and we're actually doing a great event this coming monday in cranford about women in the political arena ok you know and and that's the whole concept right to women in the political arena asked whether you're behind you know a candidate or you are that candidate and there's promoting yeah exactly exactly ok so carolina had a piece or learn more about this so very easy so you know i'm very big on social media because i feel that women feel comfortable in social media they love seeing a vent you have seen posted i've seen testimonials all of them but i do host them and everybody's invited come see listen bring a friend yeah i'm going to be at this event in cranford coming up the goal is to just empower as many women as possible through fun authentic accessible