we human i am brenda asked to reno across all cultures all religions and all spiritual practices aspects of human action and awareness and never cease to be pondered written about discussed and shared sometimes they are reflected in our societies sometimes they are felt from a child's heart or a childlike soul and then expressed in action we share our deepest desires to be more fully human and find our spirituality beyond religious definitions this leads to a common thread of love and hope for the future of our earth our brothers and sisters our children and our children's children this is a reach for a better human community a better human community is the only way to ensure a good earth for our children's children today our topic is compassion today i welcome joni jenkins to speak to us on compassion jony is the non denominational teacher in counselor after getting her associate of arts degree in alcohol and drug counseling and a bachelors of science and sociology in one nine hundred ninety eight joni worked in the criminal justice hundred ninety nine having been focused on human growth and healing joni chico's has had heard the call to meeting people spiritual and trans person the i think the word compassion like love is something that people just sort of take for granted they use that word very loosely and i don't think that a lot of people have really thought about what these words actually mean and you know i've i've done a lot of meditating and contemplating on the word love and i've written articles about what love really is and i've given lectures i've done radio programs on you know what love really is and i think that it boils down to being an it in acceptance of all  because every single person on this planet is having a exactly the experience that they need to be having in that moment for their own spiritual growth and evolution and  i think the word compassion is a combination of love and wisdom because when you offer compassion to somebody you realizing that whatever experience they're having no matter how difficult it might seem or how painful or how challenging it is their soul wanted to have that experience or god is giving them that experience because that's exactly the experience that they need to have to grow and evolve spiritually to learn lessons about love about compassion about  you know gathering wisdom and so you know i was looking in the dictionary at the word compassion and it talked about sympathy and mercy and it sort of had this flavor  almost like feeling sorry for someone and i just really don't think that that's what compassion is i think compassion is having the wisdom to unconditionally love an except somebody as they are and to have the wisdom to accept the experiences that they're having as being just perfect for them in that moment and not having any judgment about it i think what we resist persists and i becomes bigger and louder and more and more painful in till we finally accept it and so i think ultimately god is really trying to teach us the lesson that you know god is grows flowers bloom and you know really god has a plan for everybody's lives and gives them exactly what they need puts them in the right place at the right time with the right people in the right experiences and it's really sort of almost arrogant to think that we know god we we know what's better for someone better than god does and so i think that along the lines of having compassion we need to understand you know i'm kind of thinking of that phrase you know god never gives us more than we can handle or you know what doesn't kill us makes us stronger you know if you pray to god for courage god is actually going to put you in situations that are aig stream leaf careful so that you can go in and draw on that courage inside of yourself if you pay if you unsorry if you pray for prosperity god is going to give you maybe health and well being and you know a strong in a leg or you know maybe a strong skill like you know working with your hands carpentry or artistry or whatever it is so they you can go out and earn a living god is not going to just drop money in your lap or give you a money tree and so you know in god's infinite wisdom god gives us exactly what we need what would you say is the opposite of compassion passion is comprised of love and wisdom so the opposite of compassion would be like the lack of love and the lack of live with it would be not being an acceptance that this person is having the experience that they need to have and that there's nothing wrong with it there's nothing to judge one example that i like to use i i think called to work with people who are being comas i you know it's funny i was invited to  this i guess it was kind of like a study group where people were studying what have instapaper while they're in a coma and so what they do is they actually track down people who have been in a coma after they have come out of a coma and then they interview and they find out what the experience was like being in a coma what actually happened to them and most often the people that really had recall of what was really going on while they were in a coma they said that they were going through a really deep spiritual transformation while they were in a coma that was very vitally important to their spiritual wellbeing and if they had to do it over again they would actually want to go through that experience again and so along the lines of compassion i was thinking that i have known people who are in a coma and people feel sorry for them and feel sorry for their family members and they put all these prayers out to god to bring them out of the coma as soon as possible because this is such a tragedy and this is so hard on the family but i think to really truly have compassion is to understand that god doesn't make mistakes and that this person probably is going through are very profound spiritual transformation that they're going to ultimately be grateful for and the experience itself is going to make their whole family and all of their friends stronger and wiser and better people because of the experience and you know there's there's nothing like you know tragedy striking a family to bring the whole family in the community and all your friends together and to you know be kind and loving and support i've  generous and so i think these kinds of you know quote unquote tragedies really bring out the best in people and if that's not god's will i don't know what is i think you know in god's infinite wisdom if we don't choose to be unconditionally loving and accepting and supportive and bring not only bring out the best in other people but region side and bring out the best in ourselves which is to be kind and compassionate and loving thing god is going to put us in situations that force us to do that and we have a choice again going back to the example of having a loved one in a coma you know we have a choice to either be absolutely miserable while our loved one is in a coma and just really fret and worry and stress out that something is really really wrong and you know beg god to bring them out of the coma and you know the whole time they're in a coma that time is going to go it's going to it's going to feel like it's a very long time because you're in a negative space but if you can find it within yourself to just drawn that love and wisdom and that compassion and know that this person is going through exactly the experience that they need to have for their spiritual evolution and just make the experience as positive and comfortable for them as you possibly can maybe just go and sit and purr a with them when you go to visit them not praying to bring them out of a coma but praying that god's will be done and that they just have the strength and the wisdom to accept the situation and know that it is good seems to me that while you're you're speaking of these things with the acceptance and you're also i'm talking about getting our own egos out of the way right and can dig a little bit about ego and compassion or yeah well like i said i think that we're really in our ego when we think we know what's best for someone better than we think god knows you know really if you think about it we don't wake up every day and say oh my gosh i've got to get up and figure out how to make the planets orbit around the sun every day because of i don't then they're all going to crash into each other that well you know earth is going to blow up and life is going to cease to exist that's actually very arrogant and we don't really realize it but that's what we do in our lives and in the lines of the people around us every day because when we start being controlling and we are not in acceptance of all that is and we don't realize that everybody's having the experience that they need to have to learn about love and compassion and all these things then we really are in our ego because we're deciding you know we're passing judgment on that person like just you know say for  example one example i like to use on this topic is homeless people a lot of times we quote unquote feel sorry for homeless people and we think that we're being very very compassionate because we feel sorry for them and in reality there's a lot of different things going on on a lot of levels some people have the philosophy that a homeless person is a very highly evolved spiritual master incarnate in a body and they're having the experience of homelessness and poverty like i said on a lot of different levels for a lot of different reasons maybe one of those reasons could be to experience peace that money doesn't buy happiness and your possessions don't buy happiness and a career doesn't necessarily buy happiness maybe they are extremely peaceful being you know being penniless but the other issue is like what i was saying about a tragedy bringing out the best in people maybe that homeless person who's really very evolved in light spiritual master incarnate is there to give every person that walks by them the opportunity to choose to be loving and generous and kind and to be giving maybe for the person who's always taking and never giving that homeless person is giving them the opportunity to give for a change and to be loving and to be compassionate and so you just never know you never know who that homeless person is at a soul level and why they've decided or why god has decided to give them this experience and so to be in that state of compassion to be in that state of love and acceptance of all that is to be in that state of wisdom is to say you know who am i to know why that person is homeless the best that i can do is just be kind to them and treat them with as much dignity and respect as i would anybody else you know who has a job who has money who has an education who has a home you know the idea is that you know god says we are all created equal in the engine likeness of god so i guess the question is you know to ask yourself am i being in a state of unconditional love and compassion am i being in that state of wisdom to realize that i have no idea why what lesson this person needs to learn only god knows that and i don't really know the dynamics of their life any more than i understand how god makes the planets orbit around the sun without my help so you know it's about getting out of the way getting out of your ego and saying i don't know what this person's path or purpose is or what kind of wisdom and knowledge they're gathering from these the life experiences only god truly knows and my job is just to be as unconditionally loving and compassionate as i can possibly  be if someone wanted to felt that they wanted to become more compassionate what kinds of practices help a person to get in touch with being more accepting and less judgmental  i you know i think really just practicing the golden rule and being conscious of whether or not your treating other people the way that you would want to be treated if you  experiencing some kind of hardship in your life whether you lost your health or you lost your money or your home or you were going through a divorce or or the death of your child how would you want people to treat you and so in every moment of every day when you're out about in the community whether you're at the grocery store or whether you're walking down the street you know walking past a homeless person or whatever realize that they are one with god and that god has a perfect plan for them and that the best you can do is treat them the way that you would want to be treated and give them the same dignity and honor and respect that you would want to receive if you were in their shoes and you know really think it through you know it's a lot of spiritual teachers talk a lot about how it's important to meditate day and a lot of people don't really understand why is it important to meditate i feel like i'm just kind of i'm bored or it's a waste of time or i could be doing something else with my time the reason why meditation is so important is because in order to be a compassionate person and unconditionally loving person there really takes contemplation and thought on our part as individuals to say i falling back into old bad habits of ego in control and judgment and you know belief systems that i grew up with that are just sort of second nature or am i truly being as unconditionally loving and kind and compassionate as i can as i can possibly be am i really truly treating others how i would want to be treated and so it's kind of like almost like a process of on doing like a brainwashing because we in our society we're all sort of like brainwashed to believe that it's ok to judge people it's ok to tell people  you know this is right and this is wrong and you should be doing this not this and to constantly give unsolicited advice and i were just kind of brainwashed to do this and we dissed do it unconsciously so what meditation and contemplation does is it brings all these unconscious behaviors and beliefs that lead to judgment and unsolicited advice and things like that it brings it to your conscious awareness so that you can catch yourself and say oh you know maybe there really was an appropriate maybe i need it rather than giving unsolicited advice and judging this person and telling them oh you know you're making poor decisions maybe i should be telling them you made the best decision that you could possibly make from where you're at right now and i love you and i accept you as you are because of that really what we all want is just to be accepted and i think we're all doing the best that we can in any given moment and when you know people sort of shame us or you merely a to us or make us feel like we can never do anything right that's exhausting entire ng and it's not it's really not helping having worked in different fields that are helping fields i realized and i had a teacher tell me once that people heal in compassion they don't you in judgment and i think one of the things that i had to become aware of is where i judge myself and when i'm compassionate michael dell can you talk for a moment on being compassionate with yourself yeah absolutely that's really where it all starts because you know to the extent that your kind  yourself and can love and accept yourself that you know that that directly translates to how well you can be kind and loving and compassionate with other people because you know it really does start with the self it's sort of like emptying your cup and then filling it up with love self love self compassion self forgiveness and then when that starts overflowing out of you then you extended to other people and so for me you know it's it's a very disciplined very diligent practice every day of you know just all throughout the day just sort of talking to myself and saying i want to be a clear channel for love and acceptance of all that is including and as specially in myself and i do that several times a day i mean this is really my spiritual practice that is you know that i'm practicing so yeah for me personally like at a very practical level like i used to waitress and i would pull up into the parking lot at the restaurant an extra five or ten minutes early before my shift and i would just sit in the car and pray and i would ask god to help make me the clearest possible channel for unconditional love and compassion and kindness and forgiveness and acceptance of all that is including and especially for myself and because if you don't have that for yourself you really truly can't give it to other people you can give it to them but the there is the power behind it is magically diminished  so i would just sort of in my mind i would just kind of scale and the kind of negative thoughts i had been recently having that day about myself and i would just become aware of it  and i would think to myself well gosh i'm being really hard on myself today because i feel like i need to lose ten pounds and i don't feel like i love my body and i don't feel pretty and i thought how can i go in the restaurant and treat every single person in there like they are beautiful just the way they are they're acceptable just the way they are if i'm not feeling that way about myself and so you know i've had people say to me that maybe were twenty pounds heavier than me they said joni of you think that your fat and you don't think you're pretty then you must think i'm harry is and i thought oh my goodness and it made me really realize that if i didn't love and accept myself everybody else didn't feel like i was projecting that love and acceptance to them by default and so you know like i say it really is a very disciplined spiritual practice that you have to have that involves a meditation in contemplation and just becoming aware and sort of on doing that brainwashing where we just automatically judge ourselves i'm too fat i'm not pretty and of i don't have enough money my son's not behaved well and i wish i had a bigger house i wish i had a nicer car i mean we unconsciously run these tapes constantly twenty four hours a day seven days a week when in reality god sees us as perfect god sees nothing wrong with us god sees that were having exactly the experience that we need to be having a were experiencing the body that we need to have because it's all there for the sole purpose of learning to just be in love and acceptance of all there is and to just have the wisdom and the knowledge in the end that love to be able to extend compassion to people who are struggling it makes me think of a quote by plato plato said be kind my friends for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle everybody is experiencing obstacles and pain and suffering in order to learn how to choose love choose compassion choose acceptance of all that is when you're not in resistance any more that it's really when the rewards of the quote unquote have been you know come to you everybody definitely has a cross to bear for the sole purpose of the learning to be more compassionate more loving more kind realizing that everybody's caring across thank you  and obviously a good practice every day would be to be kind to ourselves and it's extend past that kindness on yes yes be in love with yourself when you can be a totally madly in love with yourself then you can