hello and welcome to navigate autism with jane when i'm your host jane lynch britain today i'm going to share with you some information that's going to give you as a parent some freedom the ability to relax as well as confidence and it's also going to help your child by giving them someone new and different to hang out with teach them and to be a big brother or a big sister one of the things i found when i have been living with autism with my son is i was always running around overwhelmed and stressed hired feeling like i just didn't know what to do and i didn't feel like i had help another thing as i would not ask for help and i want to tell you that that was a big mistake because many people want to help us they just don't know what to say or how to tell then if they do find that they're bold enough and say they want to help us if you're like me you say no because we have it in our minds that even though we had this challenge of autism that we're strong or that we need to do it on our own shows something to lessen the judgment around us but the reality is we don't and it really doesn't help us because what we're doing to ourselves is getting stressed out over a while and often anxious and therefore we are doing and taking care of ourselves we often get sick and you'll probably agree with me that one of the most important things we want to give our children is the best versions of ourselves so that we can support them now there are many ways we can do that we can ask for help by friends in our community possibly at church neighbors family but there's one different way that i'm not talking about today which is an opaque air and that is a person who is a student an international student in fact around the age of eighteen to twenty five who come and lives in your family for a year and i knew about a paris a long time ago my daughter was born she's eighteen now and i considered an au pair then but i said too complicated and too expensive so she ended up going to daycare a few years later when my son was born i thought about getting a pair and i said it's too complicated and it's too expensive and then we started to homeschool my son and we were looking for team members and people to bring into the home to really help us and i thought about an affair and i said expensive is too complicated until i met another mother who was running a very similar homeschool program to mine and she looked both together and confident and relaxed but said what's your secret how are you doing this and you know it she says i have an affair so i was shocked and once i realized ok she got over the fact that it was expensive and complicated and then i realized my real concern was is there someone who would actually come and live with my family and help take care of this really challenging situation even though my son is amazing and everyone loves him it's not a typical oh pair situation and she said yes and that she has several of pairs but i want to tell you that this is a resource for you and now i have had nine amazing people from different countries come and live with me and my family and it wasn't as complicated as i thought they love being in my family and hanging out with my son and yes is a little expensive but we found a way to overcome that so their friends and family that help out let me tell you about this really cool thing that you already know of and that's called crowd funding many times people can put a very specific objective with a specific amounts and get family members who want to support  friends the poor them in that way so if you're interested in thinking about getting in a pair but it's expensive think about that crowdfunding as an option but i don't want you just to hear this from me i brought a very special guest who's going to talk to you about her experience as an au pair and she's actually been living with me now almost two years a very excited for you to meet one of them i just wanted to share with you my experience and happened to be through cultural care recently really interesting lee i found out there is a note here organization that only hires people who have experience with special needs of that is an opportunity and that one's called pro opec but we're going to talk about cultural care and you can find all of these online at because cultural care is the one that i have the most serious with most of the requirements across the board in case you're considering this would be that this be ok or comes as a student that come out to j one visa and they have to take classes this was one of the things i used to think was so complicated but it's really not there are several colleges around that allow the overhears to come for two weeks and that will fulfill all of their requirements or they can even come to princeton and audit some courses at a price that's really affordable they also get one and a half days off a week usually does the weekend and one weekend a month they get the weekend off so they can explore the united states and hang out with friends and that motivates them to really enjoy being here and they excited and happy with the family again not very complicated and all the laurie thank you for coming and sharing your experience after now that i've explained some of the technical aspects of how you got here i wanted to ask you a question and to share however of whatever you'd like to with our viewers my first fear once i started looking for an au pair and i found you was what is it going to take to help her see we're a great family and my son is awesome and it's a wonderful experience for you because i thought maybe you would have years of your own what was it that you needed from me or that helped you say yes to being  something that you really show mean the interviews and everything so it was like a really good at the moment we thought and everything because i knew from the first interview that if i needed something if i have a question anything i always ask you will always have a response response or to me an idea of what to do or something like that thank you you know it's funny and i forgot to say you're from mexico a how well you speak english that was another welcome it is something obviously we look for because we want to be teaching our children time to speak in language and you already you already came with a great knowledge and you've just improved so much it's nice that you share that with me because i remember going to the interview process and i really wanted you to come but i wanted to give you space and so i told you the lines of communication were open i gave you time to talk with your family or remember sending you questions ahead of time by e mail because i knew there's a language difference and i wanted you to feel really comfortable talking to me and not not getting worried or upset about the language difference that really sharing about you so it sounds like that helped you it was actually so well one of the things i like to do and i'm sure most was you this is we either did sky or face time or something because i wanted you to get to know me and william in my family so remember we were bach around the house and introduce you to everybody even the dog right so that you could get a sense of who we are and what we're offering so i think that's important as well and that you can at least get a feel as much  can now another question ok now that you've been here and and i'm really blessed that you stayed for two years what what was it that helps you decide to stay you must have gotten something from the experience of being in a pair working with a child with autism what is the kind of worked for you and that you're still here i think he was the communication that we had because for me if we have had good communication if i can ask you anything if i can tell you anything that's something that for me is the most important in our relationship it's i mean i love your family and i was being but if we can't s that was something that makes me makes me feel like really good in the family and make me feel like i can expand it wouldn't that's great i mean i think that is important because i know from a  them i want you to understand what i want and what's good for william and i want to know your feelings about that because you know when you hear me talk a lot about all the things i share with our viewers about the coaching it is important to feel be flexible to feel really strong and confident in who you are and not take things personally so i think that's important to share and keep those lines of communication interestingly though you you had so let's share a little bit about your background i know that the young people and cultural care how the experience of autism in fact i wasn't allowed to talk to any a pair or perspectival pair i left they had experience with special needs which i like to yes because we had just cut to the chase on those other people really are going to work and it's to help them have that comfort yes i know what it's like to be with them especially but you didn't have experience autism i leave with them how can i help them feel better how can i play with them how can i help them to be present like doing stuff with the rest of the persons that the people that is in the in their rooms and that's something that is see how special they are so it's more like i love this kind of person and i mean i feel all this with energy when i'm around as beautiful as it is you know and you know i i think it's amazing that you join and the hope here for a famine and i've just thinking about some of the other parents who've lived with me i've just been so surprised at their background i've had someone who is an occupational therapist physical therapist and really into energy as well as just loving working with kids that are camps that are being who love coming up with games and activities and some were teachers so it's just amazing the type of people that really want to come here  for more than just being with the kids right for having an experience in a family and in the united states yeah what's the one thing that you would take away the that you will remember them by this or that one has the biggest h did not it's hard to think one thing but i think most of all it's the way that your family has me may feel like i i know i can always count on you guys i feel like i'm really five of their family and like in the way the way they answer look at me is like that they're kind of friendly if it's something that it's always there and that's something that i'm always going to remember so i think that's wonderful and that's something that we're going to remember is because it's been a great family experience and that's what we always wanted we wanted people to to be a sister to william and actually my daughter and i don't know that i see you as the daughter i see more than a friend someone that i can talk to but the things that you've done and other of hairs do is that you give me time  when i need it and the break where the do my job or to get a massage well a friend or my friday night right husband and i go out every friday night so that we have time for ourselves and  just the extra excitement and energy in the house and the laughing when you and william are playing and running around and it is so joyful and has been such a godsend and we're really happy that you lori you you know how much i love games and activity this because we're so focused on on teaching william how to be social and part of socialization is interacting and we do that through games so i see you brought something smart to say to you what what are is this is something that you like love to do with family why did you bring this is that a really simple activity that i really love to do with him because  took a fork and paper and bangs and we just are painting whatever he comes from the mine so we start painting and we get really messy in this i think but he really loves the feeling of the fork in the ha hand to the papers and we start like doing lines and see what he comes from so like sometimes we just that touch so this is a good a good game and what's the other and one says we're finished with the far as we i keep trying to find things so he keeps it interesting and he loves you s is that you are really observing and seeing what he likes so on days like right now when he's like he's taking a brush putting on his hands or rubbing his legs that shows us he needs something right and you find things around the house yeah that's right which is the best thing because yeah that is you do don't always have their percentage to go to the starring get the you always need i mean it doesn't have to be perfect you just have to be something that you style or they get is going to like or love or just be into it i love that because so often we have in our head this is what it looks like in the box thinking this is what it looks like this is what i want it to be like and what i want the experience to be like that we kind of lock ourselves into that expectation but it doesn't have to be perfect it's really about the interaction that's right so if he takes the pain and holds it that success yeah right now he does more than that and that was step one and then he'll squeeze it for you and use the forks and i like how you use this in many different ways of showing  well normally i get the info questions like for example for the color would you like to use yellow yes or no and he can point me or i put the color thin love how you use the colors the paint and the sensory but mostly going with motivation and being flexible this is a great activity and this is something that our viewers can do at home i think the key is you do things around the house going with the child motivation and this being creative and finding if your child is being really sensory finding things that will help give them what they need for being here with us is there anything one final thing you'd like to share with how about parents who are considering you know pair and maybe a little fearful that they're not going to find someone as great as you you're i actually well as i say to them that they have to believe that they're someone that is always someone wanted to help like for me i'm really grateful that there's people that i was i expect things people to help with this kind of situations so i really will i just say to them not to close like themselves like they have to believe that there's people that he's always going to  our lives and you change your life you know you thank you so much for joining me today thank you for watching i really excited to be i want to come and share these things with