going to introduce you to a new series that you're going to hear a lot about called the real moms of autism i wanted to help you meet some of us there are some amazing moms doing amazing things and you may know us but probably you don't because most of the time we don't go out very often because it's just so challenging and yet there are so many amazing things that we're doing we are moms we're working we're helping out in the community and i know that you want to know us i know that you want to help us but you just don't know how so we're going to change that so if you don't have a child with autism please stay tuned we're going to learn some wonderful things today and if you're a mom of a child with autism then you're going to find that you're not alone and that you have other moms who you can connect with and learn from and become part of our tribe so i'm really plate i love it and then we also have stephanie moore who's here with me and stephanie is actually you've met her because she's the co founder of the mercer county autism parents new jersey facebook and we're going talk a little bit about that in a few minutes but welcome stephanie thank you for being here well you both are just amazing people and i want to start with one that i wanted you to to share with us and to come on th show again because you're an amazing mom but of all the things that you're doing by helping parents and kids with autism and i've heard about you read about your site your all things brain right everything that that you've learned in your life and you're using that to help other kids and parents which is just amazing so i'm going to give everyone just a tiny piece of a background for you and i encourage them to go to your website because you have done so many things but let's just start by saying that you're a mom of eight two of your own children and adopted four boys with autism and then later two additional children some with learning disabilities now for me that was a lot to take in and so amazing for me to know i yes i don't know i can just imagine but out on top of that all the many things that you do so you have had many jobs including theater comedian you studied it bio science you have a doctorate in bio sciences you have to do neurofeedback you have your own t v show and a reality t v serious where you've gone to are helping this family and you have the show's called fix it in five so you're spending five days with them and really helping them fix some key challenges and issues in their lives to help them thrive like you've done with your family so that in and of itself i just want to you know does applaud you and i admire you so much and that can you tell us let's just start with that what is your secret how are you such one of that if i thank you but if i get a little clarity in fiction five there's already been three different families there's you go into i'm francisco and israel i'm editing israel right now so the you know i didn't hold it together that's a fallacy i fell apart a lot i you know i struggled with neighbors i struggled with schools i struggled but my goal was independence for my children and when you know what your goal is then you know how to change as you go changes you go change as you go i'm only educated because i didn't know anything and i had to keep because you know looking at you and you're hearing all the things you've done you know it's easy to think you know she really has got it all together all the time but the reality is that you're human and that's probably what what is what makes you you but you know your secret sauce is because you are authentic right and i think i think that's what makes me get my job when i go oh parents i love their children but i do or the parents i adore their struggle i adore their bravery and i tore the fact that they're having to invent the wheel each and every one of them does that have something to do with your own struggle i mean it sounds the hard part was not the kids the hard part was always the misunderstanding in the world dealing with the school or stealing with the neighbor nobody showing up to the birthday party  the hard part was the pain of other people having opinions that were uninformed so i want to walk into every home knowing they deal with that and beginning from that place and that's why it's from my struggle there's such understanding there and i know that it obviously came from from your own experience with every child and everything you've done i had not even mentioned yet the fact that it's one point you separated from your husband and you're in a shelter with your kids what a big learning experience at one point huge you were home schooling your kids and traveling in an r v across the country and i asked thing i ever did i can't imagine actually because i and i was i was leading to kind of our connection which is the sunrise program of the autism treatment center america which helped me gain confidence to homeschool my son and one of the things we did was starting going into into the community doing field trips and bringing the world to life for him and say you were doing that through this r v travel experience but but let me ask you as you said it's the best thing in your life why why is that well you know when i went to standardise i remember talking to some aria and saying that but i can't do what program i have to do at least for that one time and she's like i have no idea how you're going to do that she's like i don't i don't know i mean and she just wrote was and i walked out of the i think you well the elements that matter are an environment where everybody is loving and accepting and availability experiential learning so i went resort to resort in an r v and every time neighbor or other kids were bullies our neighbors got annoyed with us we went to a different resort right right i created a happy world for my kids who had previously been in schools and bullied and all kinds  and all of a sudden not only within a happy world but they were the we were off season they were the only other kid to play with so they learned they learned how to play games they would never have been invited to in school what be yes so you know when you have these challenges sometimes you're forced to be creative and you really were and find a way to bring what your kids needed to them and teaching them and they're now very successful as i understand yes yes i mean why boy was multiple a handicapped and part of his brain was missing so he's still dependent and at home but chip which is a helicopter mechanic cash is a welder right has its own little landscaping business he's really just a lot more of it now but that's that's wonderful their independence a right you would see it with all that you had you achieved the goals you set out for which is motivation and i love that and at some point you like i say you got your doctorate and buy a sciences and learn neurofeedback and i'm guessing that was a big part of even your own children development but tell us a little bit about that how you're using that today with kids with autism and other disabilities short when when i was being such an early as i knew that there wasn't enough in it it was gold but there and i thought maybe this combined with a sort of recreated version of sunrise would be gold and it was so i went for another certification and in order to work internationally i had to start to understand even more about the brain and all the different disabilities because i was working with family back to school i call and it just involved word of mouth everybody improves i never come across a family that doesn't that was such a big thing to reali and realizing it's so easy to help things like a d h d and depression and it felt like malpractise in the world that we did in and share better so i decided to and biofeedback simply means that simplest form you are able to see your own inner physiology get it from a ship through technology like a computer screen and that information about how your functioning is shown to you and you will change the reason you will change is because that's how your brain works it goes oh it's hot out a better sweat right it just takes the information from the world and changes it self accordingly but it's often misinformed so we inform it how to balance itself by looking at the algorithms and saying j in this area where you're supposed to be speaking clearly you're processing sound around that balance of brain which exists and it's an accurate  they come into your office is something that they come in for or they can do that at home right yeah i don't do that i go to the homes oh and i get them there neurofeedback and i oversee and i teach trying to do the follow through the follow through when i was going to a you know a speech therapist or an occupational therapist side where out i could get lots of money together for a big thing and i couldn't keep going on this so i designed my business in a way that says here lots of money at the outset and then free for life and that's been amazing interesting so you really you come from a place of knowing what were right  right and you crazy that would help and if you're having a tantrum you know if you're dealing with a tantrum issue or an discomfort of some kind you don't want to tell the child wait three days for your appointment right right exactly so you're right there holding their hand helping them through it which is great that is where the equipment is i'm sorry the equipment is yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah that's what we did or if about for a little while with william we took him to a practice and did it and we did see some great things we and then the interesting thing is when we started sunrise so sunrise program is where you are really stay in your home for forever and there for that period of time if you're doing it so we stop doing all these other things but it be interested to try it again it's a great combination that that's wonderful to hear so one of the things we learned at sunrise and you were taught facilitator so you work with a lot of kids and a lot of parents while you were there and one of these i remember my mentor as well and you were a mentor as well so you really helped them go deep to and actually that's kind of leading me to my question so thank you so the mentor is almost like i was like a coach or a psychologist really is where you're really asking questions and getting them to understand their beliefs their attitudes and what i was going to say is that i realized how much of our children's growth really depends on the police attitudes for the parents and since you know it so well would you mind just explain that a little bit please stephanie may i used an example from the video yes absolutely i did i put you on the spot are you really ok or no i really am ok with that that's absolutely fine good all right so i was watching a video with your child and he's saying the same thing over and over again and your answer  response is i don't know where you put something like that so if you believe in that moment just i'm a tired mom i just don't know where you put it that will be your answer if you believe in that moment if i don't tell him he'll dig in his own brain for the answer and that's what you'll tell him as well but if you believe in that moment  that he doesn't yet know how to think in a chain of events once he's stuck in that little ritual then you will plant the next seed for his thoughts and so in this little example i can tell you that your belief will drive your response imagine that multiply it out by a trillion does that make sense it does actually ok thinking about it yeah yeah and actually that would have been my feedback if i was in your home i would a simple here's the problem with the neural of typical child we say to them i don't know where you put it they disconnect from must think of months no use i'll use my own brain and they start to think it out when a child with autism is stuck like that they don't they keep they try louder they try push year but they don't know how to disconnect go into their own brain and say ok where was i la a lot of people worry about becoming prime dependent so they won't help but if you help correctly then it fact he won't get stuck in that loop i mean a lot of sense it makes a big difference thinking about that moment now and realizing that that's what i was doing trying to figure out a way to get him to think on his own and figure it out himself but he just doesn't know how to do that so i need to figure out a way to help him learn how to do right and with neurotypical kids we usually say let's think backwards right and there's nothing wrong with something like that that matches him i'm going to make this up it's probably not going to fit oh i don't know where you put that but when you came home from school well you went straight to the bathroom let's check the bathroom so you're inviting him because it is a good example because but what we're saying is that how we show up and how we respond as parents drives the opportunity for success for our children if we believe they can accomplish it they well if we believe they can't they won't if i'm tired and like us i just don't know right we're leaving them stuck like you said that's perfect in fact i think we should in a minute transition to the best opportunity where  did you know that something as small as the we can remove mercury from your body and we all know that mercury is something that's good with our children with autism but i also learned that we all have for free in our bodies because we pass  on from generation to generation and that's one of the reasons our kids have so much more of it in their bodies i recently read that as a land to still see the wheat actually when you eat it it binds itself to the mercury and will not let it go until it leaves your body that is a day easy way to help cleanse your body from mercury and all you need is one or two teaspoons a day ready to hear stephanie ask some questions for lynette lim that's going to give some of her her insight from her many years and passions of helping parents and children so go ahead what's your burning question thank you well so with brody he has autism and h d so a lot of times with with both of them i'm getting a lot of inattention and he has very  challenges with his expressive and receptive language so when he's trying to communicate something he just has a hard time and then he has a hard time processing what i'm saying to him and i just don't know how to get over these things or what kind of steps to take to help him i just don't know what to do and i was hoping you know based on what i've read in a lot of different things that you have going on and you mention the neural feedback and play therapy and working with families and i just wanted to know how how that could work for me and how i could maybe make it overlap in school for him as well ok so play always works always worked  when you were in play your inexperience and i would say autism's an experiential just order to awful might take them up put them in a scholastic circumstance and ask them to learn something over there and generalize it to real life and this doesn't work well so any time you play with them you're going to make it more useful and look and you'll waste l time so we you are in the video and you were getting him to write the date what was the purpose i didn't know i guess he knew it was practice but it didn't have any bearing on his life in that moment except to make you happy and that kind of has as small window of opportunity but even if you had a game going let's say that he likes i don't know blocks so he likes to line up blocks and you're in making a book and it's going to be all the different lineup blocks over a year and they're going to take a picture and i'm going to put it in a book and he gets to look it over and over again now you have a reason to date and putting the date on there would be his  so you want to make it driven by his passion not his disability if it's driven by fun it's based and it generalizes me when it's driven by less likely to be eighty eight and he'll be invested in what we're actually doing if he were right going with that and that's something else that i was going to ask how to really get him to move on and be invested in something and if he's not enjoying it if there is no purpose it's a purpose he had which i find for him he is very good with the things that have a distinctive beginning and so he basically knows the purpose so then he is right wants to get to that and because there's a reason for right when there's a purpose to it all generalized into the place he wanted to so otherwise he's just what they call giving the dog about right yeah like oh mom likes me to do the i don't know wh would really help with the focused part yeah that's that was i was going to ask really what what can i use that for specifically for him that's really going to help with that yeah yeah the sensory issues and the focus are strongly helped by n clinic situation is you tend to go three times a week for up to sixty sascha and they can't ask much more of you than that so they say i guess that's the best we can get or you go for thousands of sessions a way more money than if i come in at the end and they're still not as able to be and is sort of hands on in the moment reactive because it  be oh you're having a hard day let's just help you right now so it still takes longer it's a hard question for me to answer but generally in clinic settings you would be asked to do it three times a week for about sixty sessions and then reevaluate all right that sounds about what i remember and how can people get in touch with you lynette if they want to learn more about you and what you could offer them do you still take clients that kind  winding down from taking patients but i have people i've trained and you know had when i'm finishing up with fix it in five i'm still looking for two families so that they get that free  and you can go to my brain body and then if you want me to come and speak and do a workshop and train you know that's legit louise dot com ok perfect well thank you so much for coming and sharing about you with the mom and about you as a professional who is passionate about helping parents and kids with autism most of blessed that you're here and helping us to thank you and i'm blessed that you shared thank you and stephanie thank you openness thank you so much yes thank you stephanie for coming because it's not easy to be vulnerable here and on t v so we really appreciate that thank you for having me you are welcome and thank you for joining us and i look forward to bringing you