red card and case you don't know what we're doing here well university is a show that's really designed to give people tools you know to in order to get their health back or to keep their health and so today i kind gave these ladies a homework assignment ed so we're going to that's what we're going to start with in this so they knew we were going to talk about one of the most powerful stress responses there is which is anger so i want to write this word well it's very interesting because i think i've learned in twenty five years working in hospitals i've learned that pingers can really bad rap put people say i can't getting very old or can't be angry and tell how they think that anger is actually bad but the truth is it isn't bad it's the behavior that people put with the anger that is a big bad in fact i think anger is one of the most natural  motions that there really is and so i asked julie to think about words because here's what we're going to do today we're going to do step one and what's step one means is it we want to get to know your anger better and because you sitting whether you know you're angry or you don't know you're angry it's going to affect your health in fact you know that they went into cardiac rehabilitation unit in a hospital and what they found was they kind of assessed did an assessment measuring people's level of anxiety frustration and the people in it up scoring a good majority of them higher on the anger which makes sense because anger to affect your heart you know because it is such a powerful emotion sometimes people do a lot just avoided you know of like kind of try and avoid or try to avoid conflict so i guess what i want to come out of our maybe i'll go for a walk ok that's a pretty healthy but i i i get dizzy from us not to deal with it yes yes yes yes so kind of use a little avoidance  situation usually you know try to north but really i get quiet yes yes well here's a good news because could what we're going to talk about today is step one but honestly the next step is i want to help you in and help anybody watch and to do some healthier with it i know you guys got good healthy tools so hopefully your being here so that's what i only let them know a little bit of what we're talking about it know so that when you get all that to feel like  i came up with is i when asked a sixty four year old woman as a part of my assessment i said so i said gloria what do you do when you're getting gree and you know she said to me oh i don't get ingr and i let her know i said oh very interesting you know you don't get angry so what do you do when your son says he's coming over and he never shows up and i said what would you feel and guess what she told me upset was in that minute this exercise was born because what i realized is we don't all use the same words because anger sounds so is different in different people right and so what i'm going to do here and make sure i don't own an do myself on the mike is i'm falling to draw all right so i can embrace you with that is it's an umbrella and i call it that and girl brawler because i think the umbrella is anger but there's a lot of different words and different intensities did we have to go to that word until that was the assignment that i had given these ladies was to think about what words they use and they're all in your lives not words you know of but words that you actually use and sure that's what we're going to do this first step here 's creating when you're angry vocabulary you know first step is to anger vocabulary and then in our next show we're going to take a look at well what is your anger style and you two ladies kind of told me a little bit about if you learn something new in the process good so here's the rules if you hear something that angel says and you're like oh i forgot that one of you write you know you're paid for and  edited for anybody watching here's the thing if you go to a website i will give you that at the end of the show you can get your hands on actually this same homework assignment which will look like this the anger umbrella and so this is what i had the ladies fill out and you can kind of follow along with us and create your own anger umbrella so a new way ask you to start i'm going to get a different color be surprised how many we come up with as a group and this is why this is why angel and julie are here because you could do this all on your own and you would only come up with so many but to me and that's the power and group and the whole purpose of doing the show is to in numbers become more powerful and more strong and then ultimately being well you know so we're not doing this we're not doing this all alone are you got any others oh i got you guys are good oh i mean because when you think about it people and you could see i just want to point out that the overall of motion is anger even though that's not the word we're going to use to describe how it is we're feeling you know and you guys we've done such a great job to bring in different situations so that any others job and and the hospital i was at was just not treating a patient very well in fact they wanted to basically i felt like they wanted to kick her out it was a psychiatric program and she basically kind of trashed  room she was out of her behavior was out of control which is why she was in the hospital to begin with and they wanted to discharge her because of that and it just didn't make sense to me why would you do that i mean i've been other hospitals where patients trashed a room and guess what they got bit old but that was they didn't get kicked out or not at all so i remember sitting in doctors rounds and they were talking about the case and you know what happened to me i i was so i was so upset and so my words upset you know and it's interesting because when this lady said that word it it time i didn't realize it but what ended up happening was he's i was so don't remember if they discharged or going to begin to discharge or but what happened to you was one month later the nurse manager of the unit came to me and wanted to talk to me and so she and i sat down and she says i'm know like that that he or she came out i couldn't stop and that moment i realized you guys i needed to work on my anger because it wasn't very professional to be sitting in a professional health care team meeting and here i was crying because i was upset and so it dots i've gone and done a lot of work around my anger because what you can i say i used to do the same thing i was to become quiet i used to like i used to give people the silent treatment and you knew something was wrong because i was quiet and that's another that's another show we're going to do on communication styles because those are some out there that really don't know really that you know so maybe we'll do that is all kind of the next one will lose communication and you know on if anybody's watching this and they've got ideas and say ok well i need help with this then you'll get my email and you can send me an idea and that's what we'll do  so yeah for me upset was that was a turning point in my life you know because she was accusing me of being unprofessional and i am because you have violated it well you know wasn't even it wasn't about the it could have been any patient she thought it was because i was too close to that patient yeah it could have been any money so what it did it showed me in a very unprofessional way and that's why i kind of pride myself on being professional so that helped me realize i go ok carol you got to do something differently so i say i mean upset was was me now i i i used the word angry in fact let me put out word up here we got a girl but i'm just going to even say great because that is now part of my vocabulary i think i was one of those people that grew up you know how we grow up really shapes how we deal with anger for me i grew up in a quiet down and so it kind of taught me and now that it is right or wrong it is listen if it works for you but guess what for me crying in professional rounds didn't work very well for me and that's when i was like ok i think i need to change this and i realized i here i don't want to lose any questions so these are situations to kind of store up i want to know that what you would do all right but how you would feel so the first one is a friend is talking about you behind your back is a group and i'm not a peer talk about myself yeah because when you're just you you've just got what your brain can think of but when you have the help of what other people can sing of that's that's where the power comes from mean who believe in support groups for whatever issues you're dealing with whether you're a mom it's divorced and have a single mom or you're divorced mom or you're dealing with depression or you're dealing with say cancer to me being around people that you could pull power from because there's a group were powerful or more powerful than we are as one person so i'm i hope you're going to hear a lot more words to add to your list because you came in here with so many late words in your list my goal is for you to walk out of here but if i left a doctor's office one time because when i went there every single time it was like a thirty to forty minute wait before i like afterward i was supposed to be seen like this in i'm not staying here you know it's ok if it's one time but if the office gets too big for get it so all right here's another one who someone borrows money from you and doesn't repa i'll tell you what might is right ok because i learned i don't give anybody money did i expect to come back yeah i was having trouble because i don't think did tell you all but you know were a lot of family problems come up is when you have different family members that are loaning people money and expecting to get paid and then it'll get yes and then you know there's a word that comes to mind better there's no right or wrong here so you're not and not everybody's going to have restarted the years not you said you were just situation yeah all right oh oh wait i had one here it says something about a significant someone is flirting with your significant other i'm fishing here jaybird jerk to florida to because she was you know all over some years ago yeah yeah i mean i think i think chelsea can put people not in a very right frame of mind and they do things that you know you can't imagine them doing failure you know they're kind of angry at themselves and feeling kind of like a bit of failure oh i don't know if you've experienced and then all right someone tries to cut ahead of you in the checkout line does it does it do any story feel it out for you i'm trying to relate because i usually let them get in front of me because so here i want to do for sake of time i'm just going to read some more off to you i may not get them all the way written up here so we have annoyed we have angry really have pissed off anybody would you get i read is that a word  would feel i read is a feeling not everybody uses that word i rape so i might like simpler to live it it could be so here's the thing when we do the next step you're going to find out is  these words don't mean the same to everybody so like you were saying live it is up here and for some people it could be down here and that's why i love it because there really is no one size fits all and that's why  important for us to get to know this stuff because we don't get to learn it in school you know which is why for me i've loved teaching it to people all right so how about this you ever felt vindictive not been vindictive i don't like get even to me that's so yeah how about cynical have you ever gotten so fed up with this it's actually people these days probably with politics you know i'm a little cynical about politics right now when stressed swedish noticed you get stressed traffic sometimes i can do that you know yesterday going to philadelphia get hit all the construction of god knowing i was late for my meeting i was a little stressed but then i was  you know we got sat up here but i work with a lot of people who for some reason they didn't recognize the danger but the anger came out as more depression so what do you think are going very high now added to  what do you do what can you do different making sure that you're not holding on to anger that's going to make you sick so you know so again what have that e mail for you and where to get their work sheets