hi everybody jody told me it's week to me divorce to car i am your host today and i have my special returning guest my divorce expert extraordinary bilawal hill will be joining us today to talk about things that you should know after your divorce is final because we're entitling this it's not over till the fat lady sings so we're going to talk about some of the things that people don't think about when you think your divorce is final perfect thank you and you know as you guys know how to reach me joey toeplitz nine seven three nine eight five four three eight sic if you have any divorce to core issues with your home because this show is about creating a space that's nourishing and comforting and helping you move forward through any type of transition whether it's divorce loss of a spell's empty nest syndrome retirement any kind of change and as you know today will focus on one of sign on the dotted line and you're like ok it's done well it's not really done till the fat lady sings you want to explain why it's not really done sure there are a lot of situations where you can have changes in circumstances like what you could have a situation where you have an agreement based upon alimony and child support but then the income that agreement was based on changed significantly either the pay spouse loses their job or maybe they get furloughed or maybe they have a significant decrease in pay and again it would be have to have to be somewhat of a permanent change but then that my give them up to make a reallocation court to have that modified now a lot of divorce agreements nowadays have language in there that  make that are being changed serves as a basis said to me even there's a change in circumstance you cannot come back family but not all of them even when the ones they do have their for alimony that still does not stop you from going back to child support his child support is you know run by a straight calculation in the state and if you have a change that alters what the original calculates for child support was based upon you most certainly will go back to court and have a modification that and it's not just income there are other factors and sometimes one of the things that drive child support for example is the actual custody arrangement and you might have a custody arrangement that's memorialized maybe let's say for example fifty fifty but the reality is it doesn't happen like that maybe they fought for that but then afterwards they really didn't want and they can honor that and they happening all right and you have to understand that fifty fifty schedule has a serious impact on the calculation of child support so that's not happening that's definitely reason to go back to court and make an application for a change in the calculation so in that case a child with support would obviously go  for the mother because he really has a child in the father's gone absolutely much and what about if it's a change in the opposite direction what if one spouse all of a sudden is making a lot more money  yeah well that's a perfect example of something the other spouse can say hey yes if your income goes up you're the pay spouse or the recipient spouse and your income goes up so you know alimony and child support are based upon where the party stood at a particular point in time ok so any time you can a substantial permanent has to be permanent not like an aberration but a permanent change in what that is you can make application to make a change so that would be the pay spells going up or down or the recipient spouse going up you services like i just explained or maybe it's in force meant just something's not happening people are not paying just enforcing the agreement so there's a lot of what we call post divorce actions that occur in court right now so right who is responsible for those  court appearance is if it's for instance at the if one of the spouses isn't paying the alimony or there's a substantial change in their income and the other spouse goes in and says hey look we need to change things up is can you also say that that spouse that makes more money has to pay for that or is that all the onus of the person making the complaints or pay for your legal fees and yet can you get that spouse who say salaries gone way off to pay for your court your attorney because you're going in to say hey look you're your everything went up and i'm still getting this x amount and can you write that into the agreement as well that they have to pay for it is that big change in it's intimidating for them and it's so having said that if it's intimidating them to them it's important to find them an attorney like you that would maybe see them as a consultation for free just to find out if it's worth pursuing to you all the time say that not everyone does that yes you and very important when you go to your divorce you know make sure you hold on to your case information saying anyone who's going to divorce has heard that term case information statement when you make that application you will need your original case information save and then you also have to do a new case of money to save it but the court needs to been separated what do you say like from two thousand and six and you know it's fine we'll get around to a divorce yeah well maybe that's only benefiting one of the partners yes and that is what i mean there are lots of situations like that  integers in one thing i do you say well there's no legal separation and i want to be clear ok those people being living apart probably happens in other states equally as much right but development thing in new jersey says no legal separation you mean there's legal separation another state yes they are who's making you know have millions of dollars making a huge salary and i know personally people like this friends of mine you know situations and they're just giving the other spouse just enough to pay the bills that other spouse is leaving a lot of money on the table right he's entitled to  make it so much money and he's probably he's probably entitled to like half the net worth of that person but that person earning spouse will just call them is just giving them enough to keep them happy so in that situation a consultation is just so important just phone to come into office is sit down this have a consultation let's figure out if it works out for you if it's not working out for you if you're the person with the million dollars in that situation you might benefit from a consultation as well and i'll probably just say keep doing what you're doing because it's working out couple that got separated because they said they couldn't afford to get divorced yes i know that's a i know that so much the sat in that situation we just talked about with the set with the two when you talk to that spouse who's not earning the money yeah one thing they always because those are the things that are really important i remember hearing about this couple saying that they couldn't afford to live apart and they wanted to keep the house and so the only way they could do it was to not get divorced but they were divorced i guess because they may be that they don't want to leave the neighborhood or really one of the spouses should go i don't think that's the optimum way to do things and i'm sure that there's a way to work that out so that it is affordable yes until your holier than me concept is like when you move on you have an mis interpretation of what it means to be oh we're separated but we're together we're divorced but we're not leaving because it's better financially really isn't it really isn't in my case i really i mean i lost pretty much everything and look at me look at me now you know i'm doing fabulously i know what the point is i went to a terrible perry where i thought i was going to do better normal depression and that's why you know this show is is about bringing other professionals on and talking about things like this and talking about what i do and creating a space that makes you feel at home again but it's also important to think about do you need a psychotherapist you know you need a financial adviser do you need because we're just a couple we're just many we're just one of many cars on a wheel of being healthy exactly so you know it is about your financial health it is about your physical health it is about the health that your home creates for you in a nursing environment and the health of your divorce you should have a healthy divorce if that makes any sense yeah and i think that you can have a healthy divorce if you don't hire an attorney that's a  last time on the show and i don't think there's anything wrong with repeating that but you gave i don't know it was one or two tips of red flags of i want to mean to put you on the spot but even one tip of if somebody goes into a divorce and it's not you and they didn't know about you what's it like i asked melissa leah mercedes about her red flags about car salesman was a really big number one red flag if you feel this is the attorney you should run from well understand pocket but that money is coming from you and your children's party and that's what you have to realize you want to make sure you're talking to the attorney who's saying look the quicker we get this done the best it's in the best interest of all parties and that's how you guys are going to save money so let's figure out how we can say oh you came the right person i'm a taken for everything he's got on the take of everything scary yeah that's right yeah just recognize a ninety percent of the boys to settle so you're more than likely going to be in a ninety eight percent and settle so if you can settle earl as opposed to later you will save a lot of money yeah ok so that you know that is a good that is a good tip it's it's important to understand the character of the person that is sitting in that in that seat yeah you're going to visit yeah and you know like you said it's it's very emotional and if they can stare you in a in a comforting way and say hey you know what this must be really sad for you and you must feel angry and scared but let's let's do that let's try to get it all done quickly number one let's not let's not stir the pot let's not make things worse than it is because you know what it is a formula it really is a a business transaction it isn't all about the numbers so if we can divorce what he just said no pun intended to or see a motion and look at the numbers you know what you want as an attorney that's really trying to have your back and do the right thing and not and not leave you know both angry without me knowing it i didn't even know why he wouldn't even return my calls and then you find out later it's because they're sending unreasonable things back and forth to the other attorney and that's not even anything you agree to right and that's frightening my god we got to tell them we're going to tell them right now that we're getting in the car and we're going to court to file a motion if they don't want a law well guess how much money they get to file few thousand new year yes so that's why they're running and then you're like what we need to file a motion why because because if they they're not agreeing to do this this is well maybe how about you just call the other tourney go hey why don't we just have a discussion and you know what's the hold up with so and so why is this person stuck on this is this person really understand that this is what it's about versus this and i think i went i know i went through that so i would get all riled up in ur and scared and nervous thinking of how to act immediately and i think that may be a good tip and everything else life is most of the time unless you're an emergency room nothing is really an emergency you know it's medical and someone says like melissa's leave from mercedes benz she said a bad red flag is if the dealer says or the sales person says are you ready to buy a car today it's almost like what you know are you ready we need to do we need to do a motion to day why why why why but you're not thinking that way when you're going through it yeah i guess in life it's probably a good rule of thumb to really always sit back not really make those kinds of decisions and always sleep on something leap on it on whatever that something is and maybe have a clear head in the morning when you're looking for there was a time of the most important characteristics is integrity and the problem is how do you assess integrity  i would say look this is a bit the me that will be one thing i mean as i can tell you the interview that's a good sign you want someone with a decent demeanor to be able to resolve things you know you want for people who are sensible and if that attorney demeanor that of the voters is constantly you know so that's what i was trying but yeah i guess that makes a lot of sense i know it makes a lot of sense and i did have that one that was in as funny i'm thinking oh that's good don't you want no you don't want someone like that you just you're upset and hurt and scared and person and they have both qualities but i think people tend to think oh my gosh i need some really tough and that's he even had a nickname which i don't even want to say was i don't want to be connected to him ever right and my own divorce attorney sued me i think i told you that because i found bogus charges and i couldn't afford to sue him and i had to settle and pay him money i didn't owe him what the show is about but it does scare me a bit so everybody vote please don't do this i don't like either of them so i'm not voting i have to say this i know that's the dumbest thing i ever heard and i know this is not about divorce but you know what it's people you need to vote pick somebody pick someone up bush said don't pick anybody that's wrong  statistics to correct me if i'm wrong one is better than the other yes so looking with the letter h and being with the letters ok i'm just saying all right anyway i'm sorry departed from the text a little bit but i really think that's important to say and like again i guess it comes to integrity integrity an attorney integrity in every professional that that you come across is really important so if we were to review the things that we said the one thing to know after divorce is it can be changed yes you could have a change in circumstances and if you do whether be changes in income of either one of the parties or something else we talked about custody if the changes in the custody agreement was one way but what's really happening is totally different what was in there those are just two examples to make application to the court and have your agreement it justice ok and then the second thing that was super important w separation isn't there is no separation legal separation a jersey which i didn't realize right so if unisys i mean we're living apart from your husband and there are a lot of people like this my recommendation is just to get a console to make sure it's the right situation for you my experience is that situation is normally working out for one spouse and not the other so in either case just pick up the phone see if you get a free consultation with a divorce attorney make sure is working out for you i've come across a lot of spouses a situation like that who are leaving a lot of money on the table when they found out what their rights were and what they were entitled to they were just flawed and yeah we made the application for the divorce and they got a lot of money that they should have gotten years ago right your net situation do you safe do yourself a favor and at least  wallet in the cabinets gone yes that kind of leaving the money man so it's it's just from the time you say here's what we're going to order versus i'm fine and other spouses thinking like so having said that and you know you all know what i do that's why you tune in so keep in mind making sure that your divorce is healthy and even post divorce that your divorce situation is healthy and keep in mind that you can also have a healthy selfie house that you live in that will promote emotional well being and and having promotional i mean a motion of well being of so promotes physical health because your head is connected to your heart and vice versa  can have your divorce straightened out and it can be calm and fair and you can have your home straightened out you can call me for that and you can call the law if you just one review maybe you've been divorced ten years and just want to review your papers you know th change so keep in mind that it's not over till the fat lady sings at all i'm saying it really is very important and i didn't realize i learned something about the separation thing i didn't know there was no such thing in new jersey  a guy's i hope that was a good show and i hope you got something out of it so remember we don't need divorce decor getting your mojo back through color and design and a shoulder to cry on because you know you guys can always call me and reach out nine