hi i'm carol ricardo americas well listen bastid are and thank you for joining us today i have my guests slash co host i say this all the time angel torture who i call the pain doctor and also julie maddox who i call the wellness coach and honestly we are so glad to be here princeton t v my guess make this possible and if you are just check in for the first time i spent twenty five years working in hospitals teaching people the tools to live well and really my guests and this t v station allow me the opportunity to teach you these tools and so that's what we're here to do which is share tools and sometimes the ladies know what we're doing sometimes they don't you guys know this time because i used to do this is a forty five fifty media group i don't have the condensed down for time so i gave him a homework assignment ladies are you are you ready are really a ok ok so so the topic that we're going to talk about today and i want to write this up what i want to ask you all to do is think about though i didn't ask you to do this so it's going to come off the top of your brain ok is when you hear this word or see it what does it mean to you  off the top of my head how i'm feeling about myself and i might be on an hourly basis you know our yeah found working over the years is that so many people really struggle with having good self esteem you know or positive self esteem that i don't like the word good but you know more positive or at least because i think that we can have these kinds of feelings about ourselves we can have either positive feelings about herself or negative and what i have found in my years of working with people is that our self esteem for a lot of people has been shaped early on in their lives and then they get to be adults and they may not have it and what i have had success at doing is helping people learn how to build it up because i think of it is like a little seed or a flower you have to plan it some people have it planted when they were children other people don't and then you have to kind of water and nurture that too and just because you didn't have anybody around you to help you plan it when you were younger we could still do it today you know and that's the thing i think that's so important some people are lucky and they have people plant those little seeds when they're growing up other people aren't so lucky and they end up having people who just you know people around the just tear them and so that's really how i came up with this exercise and what we're going to do is we're going to work on self esteem and what i asked to ladies to do is to think of things you know tear it down for them and then ways to build it up and just what we're going to do is create we're just going to brainstorm and create a list for people and this worksheet is actually available we'll have the website you know at the end of the video and this way people can get their hands on this and even what we come up with any of the work that we do here is a group i like to have people have access to it so i type it up and put it up there and what you got it so if they watch the show  go in there so that's what we're going to do and i'm going to actually write this as seeds you know this has to be planted and if we don't have people to do it we can actually do ourselves and it also has to then be watered because without it you kind of just go on and and it's interesting because we'll see we'll see what we come up with with the answers so  the master sheet of things people had said because i don't think the more ideas you have like the better it actually helps people end up doing so so we're going to start with tearing down ok and  other people's opinion yeah the thing this is why i gave you guys heads up notice so you could kind of percolate a little bit on it because i know how hard it is to come up with i could even say to whoever's watching this now what what for you and your brain is like free which is why i love to like kind of brainstorm because we help everybody we always said you could do this by yourself but if you could do it is a group there's power group because of all of our experiences coming together so that to me is one of the things i love about our show is that you have your experience your experience of my experience and we can kind of bring more ideas to people for help you know to help them how about what are things that you notice even that you that is i have to tell you something i we say that for a lot of people i worked with over these twenty five years this is this is where a lot of people find themselves and  because they don't necessarily know how to break free sometimes from the past so my word i'm going to go back here a minute if i can get there because they do not want to get a head but rats my that is my word what the past stands for it really is this powerful powerful place that you can disappear to and then you lose all ability to be in today so that is such a critical one all right moving on so we had you in the past you another i think it i'm not sure once again what their word would be but it doesn't and relationships i call in and out behavior somebody is you know you think you're working with the person whatever the situation might be in the same business and then they turn into complete ganster and the same in a relationship so i think we should just put in an l you know i call in and out  i like the game the games that people play and yeah you know what i call in and yeah so in other words we're on we're working from you know something regarding my children or we're working on this presentation and you go to the meeting in the manager's  there you know i'm going to write any of that because i could oh you know what i just thought of i'm used to writing columns but i think that we could probably fill up a whole page and on tearing down and we'll have a whole page on build it up yeah because we still have you know your guy says ideas and you have some yeah yeah so then i know what i say is worry yeah yeah yeah and and and it's not saying that  u do it is just one week it can get even lost their you know i think that there's things to be said we can do a little bit of this stuff and it may not have such an impact on how we feel about ourselves but when you cross that line and you know that you start to feel worse about yourself that's the line and brought all of us who could be different places you know cause not the same thing works the way the same way for everybody you know for some people worry may not even be on their list which is ok say lost in self because it really you can kind of get lost in your head and next thing you know who goes the self doubt and then it builds on this and that knows kind of those negatives will just like to fly like you know important and that is the feeling of failure because you're talking to some but i don't think failure is a negative no i think and you know i think yeah yeah so i end i think that soon porton you because  yeah yeah i think the feeling part of it is because i think that's where people they can have some good self esteem going for themselves even people that have a failure can still stay here but it's  thomas that isn't a thousand and one times you know to learn what he needed to do differently and i think that that so important is it's not the failure itself it's this feeling like a feel yeah yeah yeah no i think i think and fear itself and again fear i think which looking at our list that we've got here you know it's really kind of this balance between ourselves you know what we can do and then things extra early that may come up around us that will impact on how we feel about ourselves you know if that makes any sense to you are you got time for just a couple more and we got to switch gears yeah i have  i in the nutrition sense because i'll start to what i'll go what them i wouldn't have sugar you know my whole self esteem will be wiped out well you know you just described feeling the  again cracking up but yeah yeah and i think i think what's important is again it's defeating the f it's not having them you know but it's really what we do like you know yeah yeah yeah and  because i think i had even some people saying you know kind of living in isolation and oh you hang on healthy coping tools you know is a way of coming down and in over the years a change i had builds takes away i had nurtures and you know hammer sure self esteem the words i've used over the years it's interesting looking increases decreases but i really like builds it up and tears it down because i think that you know we can have make a difference in how we feel us you know it's not out how the world treats us but it's also about how we treat us you know and we go forward i had people who are blaming myself for something i did do we had lost in the past procrastinating minimizing how often these happen in our lives we're not going to be perfect but we just want to minimize it so that takes is to the next important step which is  going to be building it up i think we should use a different color for this one don't you ever see blue but if blue works you guys tell me if you can see it all right so we're going to go with building up know when i just say listen you know i i go down to the preserve and i like i can see i can hear the birds i i just like i have to be so this there's another word on what to write up here that you do i don't know if you would call it that but i think of it as being grounded that you had to preserve that you go to this place that is very grounding for you and then while you're grounded think it's having a safe place and for some people that might just be in their home you know and going you know down to the basement or up here and just doing whatever that is but yeah no that's a really important one thank you for saying that one  like even if you have a car and you're stuck in your house and you know and you have a computer i mean you know how that there's a way to socialize so that you're not so isolated even when you are kind of like isolated at home to do that because i think that's that i worked with a lot of people who didn't have a car you know couldn't gore didn't drive and so how do you socialize when you don't have a car while the computer becomes a great place to do that yeah give me another builder  accomplishment and and i'm a big believer that goals don't have to be big goals you know one of my goals is to get out of bed when the alarm clock goes off and guess what i have been doing so good on  or health crisis and been very limited i literally would say listen getting out of bed and going and sitting on the couch if you fall sleep on the couch that's ok but it's meeks that is taking action you know so you don't get is publicized quite a bit recently because he graduation speeches and things but it's very simple things like that that were required in his you know work in service etc but you know so you make your bed you've done one thing and you know that that just  dreamgirls and she was really really really overweight like for five hundred pounds and got depressed suicidal ended up having the first experience all gastric bypass surgery way back in the eighty's and i got to hear her speak and what she talked about was his getting out of bed and getting dressed you know that it's a fight sometimes for her still today but that starting the ball rolling it  but i'm more of a i'm going to play i you know i that's why i'm saying i know there to outside of yourself but yeah and you know it's very limited and and maybe i'm shallow but well so here's my point of saying this is nice if it comes from outside but also have that validation i'm a big believer that you could wait your whole entire life for somebody to do this to you oh it's your turn and if you do it to yourself you don't need it icing on the cake because you know  well and and i think this to me this ng it goes along with the volunteer work of serving others you know that you're doing something not just self serving but serving other people whether that be you know i mean and in the flipside just to throw in here you know kind of self care during and also and it might be this kind of goes here positive self talk you know and i think that goes with looking for the progress that goes with the compliments and the validation so yeah that any other start up there i said there yes absolutely i would agree with i because i think it kind of my therapy let me learn and grow and i would have been able to do that without the therapy god oh oh yeah ok so there's a couple good ones i want to throw  the other thing i want to see set limits so limits and boundaries so that when i'm around a toxic person or having somebody who's being sort of verbal e you know abusive towards me i can say i'm boundary so let's put it out because by walking in another room we create fear if you can't do verbal emotional boundaries you can do physical boundaries you know and that's a great way to start be able to activities you have somebody say you know taking their medication and following up on things that's another really important one and then we have kind of relationships with could be supportive people  laughter oh you know i think we got together after there and pretty much that's kind of you know what i had laughter and hobbes so that most important part of why i like doing this is a group and i want to do this as a show is because there are a lot of people who don't have much self esteem and yet we can it's even if you've never had it in your life before it's possible to plant it into created in your life today and that's what i hope people will take away from the show so because believe it or not it's down to the end i can believe i so i just want to say thank you again thank you ladies as show really would be possible without you and you know thank you for tuning in we hope you been able to learn something new and got some tools to help you live well today