so tell us about yourself a little bit and then we want to hear more about lonely young lady brianna well i am a t v producer and a writer and also single mom of three children i have a thirteen year old son an eleven year old girl and briana and so i had my career and i was working and the discovery channel and well and be seen in philadelphia and  was born and they didn't notice anything different she had normal abs ghar scores and she was weaker and she was born a couple weeks early so i thought she's not as robust as the other two children like maybe me that's why she is a little weak because you would never want to admit or you know know that something's wrong you know you live in denial you pray and hope that everything is fine so after a couple months i knew developmentally and she wasn't the same also i see so you noticed that only yes she wasn't real to her milestones ok she was she she wasn't lifting her head at all her head hung to one side her her  body was floppy the doctors called it she was her muscles were weak and she was tired so so i started the search went to doctors specialist neurologist developmental pediatrician  saliva from the inside of her cheeks it doesn't often show what it is and not many people know about it i bring a binder of this sick to all of my doctors even now because they you know it's something that's not not really well known indications on her hand some of the lions on her hands and the developmental delays ok so by this time when you found out i know it's very hard to go back and remember those moments frankly i wasn't sure how long she would live it's a it's a syndrome that not many people know you know the outcome of the oldest living person might be in their forty's ok right now so so it was a very bleak diagnosis and the list of you know of what could happen and what my life was going to look like now was very jarring i remember they took my other children out of the room and had them color next door and just looked at it gave me a box of tissues and just said well this is this the situation and even down the road at one point a doctor did tell me that i might consider foster care because i have other children to to think about he could go and that my life is going to be drastically different and that it's you know i might really consider giving her to some you know to another family to give up the child yet so you know i simply but you give up your child to someone else to care for her it can be so devastating for the pain and right to hear that not only just do to find out the diagnosis like that but at the top the solution president did that you have no solution but if you want to give up your child right but i it was devastating but i kind of i'm very into research of my own so i went and i researched and i figured out alternative ways i tried everything i took courses about brain injury because a lot of studies out there show that this is actually a brain injury it's the neurons are not  signals from the neurons are being interrupted so she is a she has cortical visual impairment so she's technically blind her eyes are perfect her eyes are fine the vision center is fine but there's an interruption between the eyes and the vision center for the you know as long as i could and i made sure that she had organic foods and i balance or her nutrients and everything you could do yeah creditably has the situation yes yes so at six physically it's all in training and you know it's all in therapy so she really needs a lot of movement she's in the wheelchair right now but it's important to get her out any child that that is like brianna it's much it's important to get her out to fixing her and actually that turned out to be not what i needed to do because she didn't need to be fixed you know and what's happened over the years you know and having people come into my house and help me with all the therapies early on was wonderful but i exhausted myself and persones pressure on myself to fix this child when i you know and it really ended up in anxiety and i was overwhelmed and you know i was not in a good place after a while because i really was pressuring myself i wanted to make her perfect and going through a dark period where i was just what is going on and you know what should i do and getting divorced and think situations like these are a way for us to look at ourselves some time yeah there are a lot of soul searching and she has taught me so much about myself can put in what you had to go through any old words when you gave up your career you realize that you didn't need to fix hard but there was things that you needed think it's really important to have that core of strength within us and what what's happened at least years is i i see what happened with my children i initially i was told you have other children to think about you know you have to make sure that you give them the attention and everything they need but we incorporated together she had they help with the therapy and they are so incredible i am so blessed with my children all of them and the way special needs it makes bitterness jobs much much more difficult and i'm sure many people who have been countered someone in their families and neighborhood or someone that i think it's pretty difficult to assess what a parent has to give up and go through just being a parent of a specially child right  when you have people visit you either to help for telling me and others well how do you find interaction with these people are they very open to the ideas of we know what  go through betty yeah i think when they're at our house an experience i i do have you know i have a home health aide it's circling a while to actually get medicaid because freelancer yes completely change change of dreams change of what you wanted to be do and now you are put in a situation i'm sure there was a lot of internal struggle and you say that you gave up on fate and it what happened next kim you difficulty at that moment yeah so it was it was a at this intersection where you have doubt about freight where you had to give up your career or you know that you would not be able to fix the child it must have been a soul searching time for you how did you come out of that oh yes it was the probably the most with the worst most darkest point in my life because i put so much pressure on myself and my marriage was falling apart and it was it was a really it was a horrible experience so i think when he read sometimes that lowest point there was nowhere else to go and i did see a glimmer of hope i think there were friends who came to support me new friends i just i felt like at that point i was being led you know to the people i needed to need to me at that time wonderful friends who helped me love myself by loving me and i think we all need that i think it's important to know that  mothers and fathers who have kids with special needs they need extra support from from the people around them so you know absolutely and you know i think we've become in their darkest period and i'm going back to my personal story i find that the darkest moment are the moments that you become most the fiercest critical for yourself yes and that doesn't help an my father who was an amazing wonderful man his support and i brought my children back to my hometown and started i went to a non denominational church and eventually just  was it was really amazing because for the first time ever allowed people to to really help me i mean they were people helping me in the past but i really didn't let them into my heart and my soul and say this is what i need so so being part of the community that i was and there was a pastor and his wife sort of this non denominational church can't even human because they saw me struggling because i was still i was bringing my child into the car i had to carry her down steps and put her in the car  community and it spread beyond there were other other communities and other towns and and everyone was finding out about this even you know people which is a little early because they were call it people were calling me and and they grew and grew i was called all every time that you have an opportunity to do interact with an outside word i think it brings that to love of other people that we so that and i don't think the kids knew how to react to it i don't think people knew how to react but now let's she was out in the open we go to schools and like kids ask questions and it has profound questions and they'd laugh when she laughed and it opened their hearts and then it got to the point where now we go to the field first sporting event and all the kids want to get around her and they were pictures and it's every day now for them i mean having briana story out in the local community has changed well local community it has changed you to yes in many ways fied without changing yourself you wouldn't have been able to change other people's perspective about it yeah exactly and i admire you i think it takes a lot of effort challenge yes and this is i don't know what other people think and they have no business so at that moment in those sentimental in side to getting ourselves prepared to change our own laws so i know what i use to do is just stay within the chaos you know i would or even say to healing is a wonderful method of prayer and meditation and taught me that it's a some amazing way and i think that's the most important thing because the answers aren't out here the answers aren't in the internet they're not you know in  changes she can now take weight through her legs you know people are coming into my life who can help me with different their fees and this child has taken her first steps in the game trainer by herself and i have no doubt in my write i've always been a writer since i could string sentences together so i had gotten away from that so i found that writing journals was really helpful in the not turned into poetry and then an hour every newspaper articles and grants so i'm now i'm getting back into freelance television really enjoyed documentaries and you know producing that kind of work when i was a passion that's that's great that's great getting back to what you love while i can take a little time for myself without feeling guilty and do my profession i mean i i definitely have to manage my time and i definitely have a lot on my plate but it's it's it's it's just about managing the time she goes to a lot of doctor's appointments and so i have to be fly has a joy and you have been so called to this process so i think i admire the steps that you have taken  for meditation and others believing and believing in just accepting it so i could see  writing a book about my experience you know of his i really want to i want to show people the other side of it i know that when you have a child with special needs it can be very isolating and if i'm lonely it's hard to leave the house it's hard to do you know i'm blessed now to have my handicapped accessible vehicle but it's very very hard and it's it is overwhelming and there's a lot of paperwork and appeals and the medical journey that i amazing and she's very healthy but still there's there's you have to worry about seizures and different things that could happen i know that in the beginning that to you especially when you were given the diagnosis  and given an option at that time i know you think where she is now a new as you said that she has taken steps or had carried her weight to stand up have you thought to because it is i know they have to learn and this is a new a new disorder that's being discovered so they have to learn all everything you know the scientific side of it and and they're concerned about you know about the  medical aspect of her and and so and then the therapist see her every day and you know so so we work with her every day and see the different that the progress that she makes which is project and other projects i know that you're working at some other awareness projects and yeah unity yeah right now that what i would like to create for an act a lot of a lot of parents with special needs especially