piet's carol ricard and welcome to the well you show i am so excited for you to be here with me and my guests i have angel torture who is the pain detective and tell people where they can find you muscles in balance she still has coach shoppers her coffee shops you find her in a coffee shop so so if this is your first time tuning in to the well you show really we started this show a couple years ago and the goal was to just give people the tools to live well and saw at the end of the show i want you to walk away with a tool that you could take and use in your life and we've done lots of tools over we're actually coming back to one though because it is just play such a critical role in people's lives and because and i have a present for you ladies i actually have a copy of my new book under stress busters for kids for a new life and for you thank so we're going to talk about stress and i think partly because there's just a lot of it around these days like this so yeah and and what i i kind of just the briefs history on the book this past summer i would have tables that students events and i would take my stuff and i would teach kids the tools and i decided that well what i was telling them to their face i could put in a book yeah so  yeah so that's kind of that but stress i want to talk about today i want to introduce you guys to a it's a carol word and i call them stress  cycling's and i've got a worksheet for you all but i want to explain is first because what stress psych loans or is that well let's talk about stress real quick if you  is your source or the cause of what's causing your stress and then what happens is this ends up being your response and what happens is so very good for me is if i am running late at the airport my response is anxiety it just goes you know and then what makes it particularly bad is that that then just takes whatever this is and makes it even yeah yeah yeah and so  family or your significant other and this is kind of a natural what we have to do is kind of to interrupt the pattern and what that means is kind of like if i had a white  i'd be racing here but we've got to do is somewhere we've got to create a break now so that it has to start over again it never picks up the speed by just feeding it can you can you all think of times in your life where you've had stress i clones are out and i mean i'm trying to not think of it there's too many so i'm trying to think of the easiest but i can understand where if you don't take a break from it somehow find a method that is like a volcano yeah erupting it just gets worse and worse and worse and worse you know and then you end up with a mess right i mean and so so for me this whole health thing from march you know it started to just get turn into you know what let's do this i want to just brainstorm because i think there are two thing i love about all three of us being on this show is that you're not just one person thinking of this on your own but you're one person times three and then for somebody watching this show the they hear something you just said and say oh i didn't even really think about that so here's what i want to do first let's just make a list ok of different things at different points in our lives or we've known other people just to brainstorm and so you  health issues yeah ah i am going to say i'm trying to think of my i was a running late because it doesn't have to do with just the airport i  work on over the summer when i was filling in at the hospital that is just a very stressful work environment but work slash you know busy and just divide and environmental when you're here saying that for yourself carol is that is it because of the staff or the patients or all of the above but quite honestly more so the system a system that's actually one in it's own because we all have to deal with systems don't we are we have to deal with our local you know government you might have to deal if you hadn't got laid off you have to deal with unemployment or tiffs ability or i think of those as all systems and then there's the other one that you don't get to control a lot and i think this gets a lot of people which is why are still in the show is good whether it's yeah i definitely yes you know i'm thinking about times here in new jersey when we've had hurricanes hurricanes elsewhere you know and you don't get to control what shows up right it's the unknown right right yeah well it's the  i just know that this is really really really really stressful for some people and actually actually mark the end our clock did something is actually the bright and not the grooms to get so stressed out ever notice that  outcome right so actually outcomes i think expectations that's an important one i hope somebody just got a tattoo and who is very stressed out because it didn't come  out like they expected her to i'm getting a little stressed because i'm getting calls all right so i want to keep track of our time here because i think we kind of started two thirty mark and if you all come check or our little i p i know you've been working really really hard it at stopping this cycle which is what made me think about you to maybe think about the show because you are taking steps to break it you get stressed out about this stuff what is the one thing you notice your stress balls i like what's the one way that it really gets you physically emotionally are even that in the past this powerless would have fed right back going to hear you wouldn't have said anything you would maybe kept but there was a point in your life where you would have just kind of stayed quiet and just kind of kept everything inside and then this would have gone like this and it was gone like that so i want to ask you about it what are you do we differently this time and what i want to do is because what you're doing differently is what's interrupting the cycle it still faith particular just to trust because of their specialty and we have to you we have to go with our gut and it's so a lot more of wait a minute where it just doesn't feel right or i need to i need to look into a little bit more i need a better understanding i want to know why well can i tell you what there's a couple things eves you know pause you know to kind of just not to stop it from speed rolling on you you said kind of research listen you know you said listen i think research is an important part of that research or or also educate  go to the preserve to walk but we've now that place that has stopped the cycle as there's progress there yeah so that was my place for any type of energy into it because the pain is still there and i had surgery and and this procedures i've had to get a network reach out and say wait a minute maybe this person can answer this question because this because i was supposed to have another procedure done on wednesday it was all scheduled and i slept on it and then i said this doesn't this doesn't make sense it sounds dangerous i got across stop to it so it's asked for help but the other thing that i to say that you're describing is also doing a little problem solving yeah and and i guess what's really important about all these things that you're saying here is this powerlessness this is this really is a pretty powerful feeling you know and it and it it creates paralysis it really paralyzes people and i think there's a lot of people that can relate to this feeling whether it's with medical or other situation  with like well the doctor is the doctor the doctor said i should have this procedure so they would know best and you feel powerless but you feel almost like you give them that status as head and it and i found  the cane there's another word you're describing and it's actions so if you think about it in order to interrupt stress like loans require action and right eat eat got to do a healthy action not an unhealthy action because unhealthy actions are speeded up you know kind of like the shopping if i'm depressed you know the shopping and then the shopping makes me more depressed so it just doesn't work but this is the other  advocate for yourself too i mean if we look at all of this is it so people who don't really know what that is this preserve was to get outside t place and and here's what i want to tell you because i know because here's the problem when you have medical issues in the tool that you've used as a real good tool you can no longer use that tool that's why you've got to have more than just one tool a couple minute meditation where you just are sitting in your house not able to move and in your mind you relive that moment those moments that you've had at this place yeah you mean lucky for me because where i live i can happening so just even doing that made me so yes i did find a way besides you know the meditating or thinking about being there yup and i think i think is it physically because there are some people who are there medical is  yellow even you couldn't go out to your woods and so i guess is what i want to say is this is it's like going on a guided imagery yapping guided imagery and basically it even be able to get out of the house you can always go out a woman who said the shore was from peaceful place most relaxing probably i should have a car and i said that doesn't have to stop you i said all you gotta this is what i want to because because these are the things you've done differently you know in a time that i've known you that when i first met you if you years ago oh my goodness you'd be paralyzed yeah you know you would be sit at home and just stress cyclons or show powerful people just get caught in them and they don't even know that they're caught in that for me it used to be migraines and i would get horrible migraines and then migraines would get in a way of work was work to cause the migraines and you know just yes like open and and so i you know you to have like filled your tool box so when you have family conflict nowadays and what do you do if i  maybe it's good to check and say well do you want me just listen or do you want some feedback yeah because sometimes you might want feedback but what you're saying is sometimes people i'm guilty of this i want to solve somebody's problem right i want to help them so i'm like well  could try this is what your saying is and yes listening is just but i want to say them for a part for you is like you're letting it out there you are right victor is it actually if you think about everything over here has to be action oriented  plus the other thing that you can do and you know one of the gym is the one you go to yeah the past couple weeks it's been a little off for a number of reasons but the other day i was doing something positive but it didn't work out so i was like oh i go i went to  there's you know we're good do another show on stress because for me it's important people understand it how what is the source but then what how does stress how do you know you're stressed out and it could be feelings it could be behaviors  but it's about what can we do that interrupted the patter the cycle could i just add to this telling julie before we started that you know i was feeling good even world and on the way over there was this phone call with this person and and he was it was just put it down in my stomach or the tone of it and then he hung up on me and so i was at a light and like party one of the tech something that and i said no you know just stop you know just don't think about it and puts music on yeah because i really want to interrupt the pattern there are right because it was too easy too because i just felt a punch to my stomach and to my mood like really hung up on so it was like no don't go there don't go there we have music on so so here's the thing and i know it kind of goes to this to what you described facebook post and somebody just completely like oh they just pushed my buddy and i say carol i started to type as a no don't do not feed in and then i just kind of say my thing is i'm not know so my self talk was carol don't dance and carol say good bye to wayne because that was the person who would nuff the thing so i was my way of just disconnecting just see how yeah just us doing this show together i have seen how you guys if this kind of just taken in use the tools you know we're here doing a show talking and teaches business but you're actually using them in living that way and that was what popped into my head today about why i wanted to do stress cyclons because kind of in a way to validate you know and i think sometimes he was good having people to say hey you're doing it  actually actions it people could take and applied it even other situations in their life there's one last one i want to say is if you don't have somebody to talk to you got to do what i call the brain dump and  is when you write but you don't read what you wrote and you destroy it and if you think people are going to read it take a sharpie and write on some toilet paper and flush it that's a good idea so nobody will ever say