mark staged holiday called valentine's day up over and onto its ass that's how we're starting the show and having said that i have my kid down again for time number four terry lyons from lions and so she gets bestselling author sticks and stones master master's degree in social work she's fucking awesome and she's on my show again and i'm so happy to have or so we're doing just so you know what's coming and anti valentine's valentine very interesting cutie so the history of valentine's day dates way back there was this guy apparently so you valentine and he got in trouble for performing marriages was eventually thrown in jail and he was executed it's not so good so it's not as good and you know we were talking earlier and you have conquered of really sad statistics about relationships and cheating which i found to be very upsetting quite stats people in this happy valentine's day fifty three percent of all marriages end in divorce ha forty one percent of all married people admit admit to some level of infidelity when it comes to dating  infidelity and dating fifty seven percent of all men admit to infidelity fifty four percent of women admit to it jodi apparently where it's weird i'm just as you are just so so bad here's what's com they asked women and men how many of you would cheat if you would never be caught and seventy four percent of all men said they would cheat if they would never be courtside credible sixty eight percent of women  lawyer thank god you're a lawyer so i'd so having said that i'm very excited about the entire valentine's day fee because i have some advice and i thought about it and you know what i do you know what i do for a living i it so i think i'm going to get a bill but anyway it's all about you know creating a space where maybe someday you want to have a date but today what really doing is you want to talk about creating a space that you can be alone and you can be by yourself and feel comfortable have what i consider to be some good treating like some good cheating and talk to me about that what do you mean by that girl well like you know one of the things you talk about is all right well i'm proud of you but i do have a bone to pick and so there's after about remedy this what i consider to be a fatal flaw in this otherwise stunning piece of writing thank you and it is really it really is important to cheat in a good way like that when you when you want to do that so here's what i'm going to say yes i've got something to say yes i  going to talk about so much how you know i was talk about you create that space to make you feel comfortable i'm going to give tips to everyone about things you should do when you're in this space already when it's valentine's day and you're feeling like really shitty ok made it i just wrote an article for for a place called divorce force goes but anyway so it's just like bullets but i'll tell me what you think i want to go through we are on valentine's day which we're flippen we're flippin you know hallmark on its ass with this whole valentine's day thing ok so number one avoid going out to dinner that night in seeing all of the table for two couples everybody's up the rest are out right that's all that's really painful ok and stead just for the alright and i could just have the plane that you get you know with the box with the fake with the powder i can eat that too is and that's that's how much i like it i just sort of a really scary thought what kraft mac and cheese with lobster in it that really day you don't have to fuss over your hair your make up exactly like what am i going to where does this just make me look fat like my shoe you have to do that you know you can do you could put your hair up in a scrunchie from the eighty's you can wear like old sweatpants you don't even have to take a shower unless you're grossing yourself out you can stay in bed all day eating all of that food and watching or reading a great books or great book great book sticks and stones best selling author you can do that gives you the whole thing so wait so you have so thanks for bringing that up curl up in bed i reset that read the whole thing whatever your book my book only there's here's here's two books to read for valentine's day seriously as if going to divorce wasn't bad enough the untimely arrival of chin hair and sticks and stones life items from a life lessons from a lawyer by teresa terry slash lyons wonder woman ok here's what you wait wait you can we talked about the nutella you can do this and you know this is in my book company you know whatever we all say that all learned to be alone not so easy on valentine's day but if you're doing all of these things that's good because to yourself no judging no criticism nothing no negatives and here's what i'm saying right three things down that you like about yourself maybe love it love my eyes i like my warped sense of humor and i like my recent haircut it is fabulous and it it's good finally are you ready yes if you're missing the old boyfriend the ex husband the lover remember go back in your thoughts and remember the grossest last closest thing that you remember about them hold on to that a lot of that i'm going to give you examples terry would you like some of the things about like embracing your space love i love what you do and i really do think that it fits in with the notion of knowing yourself loving yourself and with respect to valentine's day you know it's a good time to take stock any time there's a transition on life any time there's a transition and a life whether it's a death a birth an engagement a break up of a holiday where you're alone or feeling alone it's a good time to take stock of our life take stock of our surroundings agree also you know what maybe when you're sitting there look around and say you know what i'm going to redo my bedroom i'm going to redo my birth or among going to buy myself a really funky piece of furniture and that's where you come in there's other things i think that are really important to know about particularly people that are single i don't know if you're aware jody but according to the united states census bureau fifty two percent of us are not married that means that for the first time in so so given that now the majority of our population is not living in the state of marriage what are things that we that single people that happy single people do things that single you know happy people do is they value their own self sufficiency they do right there's something to that notion of self sufficiency they actually do a better job at balancing their self and friends so here's what's really interesting those of us that have been in relationships jodi have you ever been in a relationship and they're somebody that really important one of the really cool things that the studies have shown that happy single people do is if they're hanging out with a friend or even extended family members it's because they want to and that's i think by the way that's not a bad lesson for all of us yeah right that's not a bad lesson for all of us so i think there's lots of things we can do on this and talk about anti any time and to really you know take stock of where we are to like what we're doing and i think honestly i think that's where what you do comes in and that's where you know a lot of things in your book come in and kudos to you for helping people through that transition  happened read your read the title of your book and i read in the title of my book has got i god almighty i know where she's going with this and poor linda she had to live with this it's not pretty all right it's not pretty so it's seriously as of going through a divorce wasn't bad enough but what is the subtitle and it kind of looked like this yeah had that shape it wasn't there the night before no it's not it is it never is it doesn't come like gradually and i really i'm sorry to inform you i really believe it was some type of magical power from your book so here's what i want to tell you ladies and gentlemen if you're going to read this book make sure you have tweezers standing by yeah i could put a warning sign a warning warning  untimely chance of yeah yeah and different very much up in your textures and colors it could happen one could look you know very well you know think about it when you buy cigarettes or alcohol as war surgeon what if you could get the surgeon general  sorry i'm still going to say fifty seven i look like you're in that thing are likely to experience what we're doing and i know you know what we talk about a lot of serious things all the time and terry's been on multiple time i think so i'm like going to book you for that when you leave for the next one but i like that we're being a little  silly but yet we're not really giving valuable information because you know you've got to laugh at yourself right terry you've got to laugh at yourself so it can be a little bit of a painful day and if you can just take stock like you said to say what you take stock look around enjoy it give yourself a break you know what do it every you want that day i think of very sure yourself yeah i think a very wise philosopher once said that experience is what you get when you don't get what you want and i think it's important again whenever you're through any transition to really enjoy the experience of the transition you know it's really funny that here's where i'm going to get really philosophical you look at like my correct that you're really just persuasion is of the jewish faith it's a little mixed up  double d's i told you i got double anyway but there it's interesting that such a substantial portion of the old testament is devoted to when the jews are wandering the desert because this lame illicitly with all kinds of crap happening they're fighting of their scares a lot happened there is a lot happening and so and yet some want to some point was smart enough to realize you know what we should recount that journey right and so i think it's important for all of us whether you're religious or not and i am not jewish i try to be i think i'm a good on your time like you know what terry when you have people come in there you should really to your own horn a little bit i thought you told me a story and we don't have a lot of time and i want to tell quickly or you tell it you told a story about one time where you know people were thinking about getting a divorce and you actually wrote a letter i really love that story and so i just say to other and i know this is a ballantine state but i just i'm so touched by that story why would you know no i don't know any attorney that would do that so here's what our law firm will do and i thought this was already law firm has a policy where if you come in and you say you know what i'm thinking of getting a divorce i've had many people are sort of the why you want to get a divorce and they tell me well my husband or wife is a really good spouse except for this major issue right i oppose air and i was here unexpected and here i have a policy where i will for free i have done this for free will i will write a letter to the to the spouse and say please be advised that your husband or wife came to see me has not yet retain me because they're extremely unhappy with what's going on in your marriage and they've asked me to set forth for you these particular issues and i encourage you you know to speak to your spouse and we say in the letter make no mistake that spouse does not want to divorce right but if you cannot remedy these issues the divorce is becoming too emotionally or physically dangerous you know for the spouse and so therefore we encourage you and we end the letter by saying we encourage you to speak with your spouse within the next seven days to avoid the demise of your marriage i don't know any divorce lawyer that i don't really letters that says to avoid the mind the marriage and you know what sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't and then you have an anti valentine's day like two yeah rinks are not going to be porters heavy handed as if you're sitting at the bar for one of your sit at the bar for going there there's a tremendous advantage to being alone you sit upright in that bar you can if i know you so don't go out but if people do want to go out you still go out and just look away from the table little just look at the part and i actually challenge you to go out in your pajamas i've done this before you know and just go out and sit there and tell the barkeep so you know what i'm celebrating myself myself nests give me your favorite drink and make it a heavy would here's what i do those are the batteries i'm sorry did i tell you that all of that you said that i had to say no you didn't you did and i love it and please don't change don't ever change who you are you know what i would ask my own self out on a date if i had these on right now i agree like i would take myself out to dinner with these boots i great so it's a little honor of you to get anything for my do you want to see my shoes today on your shoes i was going to bring my wonder woman sneakers but i forgot i'm sorry so instead here's only got her timings perfect ok so having said all of that in our in all of our silliness there was a lot of good advice in there really don't be sad you know be glad that you can celebrate being along so remember  your space has to be comfortable reflect a new personal style and you already saw our really cool shoes all right so you know what guys enjoy yourself have a good day don't get all hung up in this home are crap thank you and it's we to me w w dot we to me if you want to reach out to me thank you so much everyone enjoy