everybody jodie toeplitz here i am the host of will to me divorce to core warehouse becomes a home imagine waking up and feeling homeless in your own home looking around and nothing feels like it used to  families as they're gong to be married to single feel happy and comfortable in their space as they transition from married to single and all of this is done through the uplifting psychological impact of color design and mentoring and that's what i help families do but when i also help they always do is connect to other really amazing professionals that help you through transition because transition is a i'm just one cog on the wheel and transition whether it's divorce loss of a spouse empty nest syndrome relocation retirement whatever it is that it takes a village to i think i'm close calling hillary clinton but it takes a village and and if i had know somebody like you i think my life would have been easier because the transition was hideous and it was sad and it went on and on forever and it cost me way too much money it cost me money you didn't have which i think i shared with you you comfortable and like they can come in and tell their story story and not be judged and not feel shame and i remember going on and feeling ashamed of it was a loss you know whether it's your idea to have a divorce or not it's a it's  a loss and it's a sense of feeling it something really big yeah and so you need to go in feeling like oh my gosh they get it they're not looking down at me one gets married thinking oh great in five years i'm going to go through those wonderful that's not what happens in the letter we have a big wedding you run away to the courthouse everybody thinks that there is going to be a storybook and quite frankly life really isn't the way you plan it ever i didn't think i'd have a business called way to me divorce decor but i love it and i'm sure you didn't go in thinking this is exactly what i want to do you know i went to law school thinking that being a matrimonial tony was the last thing i was going to do when i please tell me all right first let's start with this because it's such a cute story let's tell everybody how we met and so we can have big because it wasn't for big what we would not be sending here yes oh so i met jodi through the big organization terrigal of our who is a phenomenal person the organization is a phenomenal organization and i'm so thrilled to be a part of it and a sponsor of it and it's women and the minute i met tara she mentioned you and said you know you have to get to know jodi she wrote this great book which is so phenomenal she's this great the energy you guys would really have a lot of synergy and you know i said sure of course and so be it last week we finally got to be finally got to me most and it was wonderful and i'm not embarrassed to say that i was terribly nervous you know coming on it's a lovely show and know being involved in organizations like big and other women's support organizations and naturally i mean you know inclined to meet more women but i do have current tell of both sexes and i don't discriminate against anyone they  help but i think the women kind of are more understanding when when they're telling you a story about you specially in that first meeting and you can't help but be touched by that you know i'm a i'm a wife and i'm a mother and i'm a daughter and i'm so you know i have wasn't i do family well i had a family experience that was you know very hard for my family and i was younger when it was going on but i vividly remember all of the things that were happening to all sorts of family members and i thought i want to be an attorney but i don't want to do this kind of law and the summer between my first and second year of law school i was an intern or an associate of some or associate at a medium size new jersey law firm and the partner who was my mentor got assigned a pro bono domestic violence case and then new jersey all the license attorneys they have they're put in basically a lottery system and they have to do pro bono cases and they're usually domestic violence or landlord tenant or some minor criminal matters  and the firm that i was with had didn't have a match money or department so i didn't really do any of this type of work but they got they chose that his lottery pulled basically was this domestic violence oh boy you got it and so he said to me you know i need your help with this you have to you have to kind of figure out what we're going to be doing and i had been doing some other mass tort litigation so there was not a lot of personal interaction with people in the kind of work that i was there to do for the summer so this was kind of my first foray into really dealing with a human one on one and our client was a woman and she was very familiar with the cycle of domestic violence she truly was a victim she was in a very unhealthy relationship for a long time she was the mother of three young children and pregnant with her for my gosh and had you know in the cycle of domestic violence which really exist and lots of studies have been done about it people who are in it you know they go through shame and guilt and then they think it's going to get better and they never do and they go through this really so she had gotten temporary restraining orders because that's the first step if there is domestic abuse and dismissed in the past kind of you know he her it was her husband would come back and be apologetic and they believe that's course because you know you have three young children and you don't get married to get the force and you think things will get better and so this was her fourth time she got a restraining order and she was you know pregnant and really felt  was going to do it this time so i worked with her very closely spoke to her every day and i prepared what needed to be prepared in order to have a final restraining order hearing which is the next step in the process and we went and we lost the hearing  contact the really feeling like i was helping her she was so grateful every step of the way and it really and then being in court and seeing how it all played out knowing you know that there was an immediate result i really found it gratifying so i went back to school and took some courses  sad part of that i still write next question i'm not going to like this in my eyes that woman it ended up being murdered by her husband it was ok yeah it was it was terrible but it was it was what really drove my passion to really say you know this is i want to do this i want to  that and hopefully it's never in that situation you know that extreme but certainly in you know there's a whole gamut of what goes on and in the horses are family law situations you were meant to be in that timeframe and to see that and what you at least gave her during the process flaws hope you know it didn't turn out in her favor and you also coached her along and you know i think that's what i liked when i met you i felt that there was way and you and i both know that's unusual how many natural o'neill firms or termes would go that extra step i think people get caught up in their practice in their lives when they're in their ego there's a lot of egos is in all different professions but you know maybe they step back a bit because it hurts too much almost like i don't know there are different kinds of doctors there are very there are caring doctors that have a good bedside manner very stones and that work with cancer patients and some people die all the time and then there's that doctor that comes in and it's like wow that was not pleasant it seems like you are this this this attorney that has good bedside manner i don't know how else to say it and i treat people the way that i want to be treated the way that i would want my children to be are is that it's very basic i really believe that in life it's very big a sick as aries the courtroom you know you you have to walk this world with integrity if you don't have that you have nothing you have  if you're out there listening i mean that it is important to do the right thing if you can put your head on your pillow at night you're doing the right things very important and working with people who are going to this type of transition there's all kinds of things that are getting thrown at you you've got the kids to consider you know i have the same thing but on a different level i'm i'm coming in with you know trying to make their space happy and create a home again so they don't feel homeless in their own home and you're taking them through the legal process which is hugely important and i found i want to give you my own personal experience and we talked about this and i'd like you to talk about this but i kind of was going through the divorce process you already know about you know mine was a nightmare but what i didn't have which what i loved you said you are very big on is i didn't have a financial person in the beginning of the process to help me understand you know like show me the money very you know where is everything and i don't mean it in a bad way because you want to take it but what's fair you know a lot of times women especially if you're going through a very difficult time they're not really aware of where everything is and oh my gosh now we're getting a divorce and you may have something else going on during the divorce in my case my son was going through and still you know fight the disease of addiction so i was very focused on that and so was my ex husband right what was going on that we were missing  and even things that isn't actually nice guy he is the only thing that he did wrong but it was it was the fact that the way certain things played out cost much more money than it should all  one when it came to whatever finances or investments that were we had together splitting them up not splitting up leaving them as there as they were and maybe compensating in a different way instead of splitting something in getting even less money for both share this child that you're focused on so you talked a little nuts way or another thing i like your way because i didn't bring it up to do did you use that to me it's really important to have either a financial planner or advisor someone involved in the beginning steps of a divorce process explain further how that can help somebody and if they even come in a little bit later they're still they still get a great attorney like you but maybe they're coming in and they're switching attorneys i've seen that happen tell tell people listening like what what might be if you have three tips if not even if it's just one good one why it's so important to have a financial person involved in your post divorce process i mean i'm sorry pre there are during so to preface that i think what a lot of people need to try to do educate them so phone and understand is that the law and common sense don't always go hand of the day so you may you know you this may be your first foray into the legal system right and  common sense world you'll say this is the way it should be and that seems right to me and then you go to a lawyer and they're like yeah but the law doesn't say that and the law is not black and white that's why lawyers are employed because there are areas of gray and that's where advocacy comes in right but i think a lot oftentimes for the for the client who's never been through this kind of process or the legal system it's very hard for them to to grasp the fact that it cannot it's not always what they think should happen in the reality of what can happen so i think education goes a long way and to that end interviewing a divorce attorneys is something that i recommend everybody who comes to visit me in the first time i may be great but we may not be a good fit you may not feel comfortable with me that your divorce attorney is going to know the intimate details of your life respect the good the bad the ugly and the in between and if you don't feel comfortable sharing those things and being honest and getting honest feedback or that you just don't feel safe you know you just mentioned something about being judge you should not be just right and feel by your divorce attorney you know that's not what we're here for we're here is counsellors and  you through this process so i really believe strongly in finding the right fit when you're going you know getting started or something which i'm a lawyer said don't be afraid to do that interview you know i'm going to go meet with somebody some people charge for consultations and it's money well a loved one so you should take it with the same seriousness that you would if you were going down that path going to the five state as of the morning and last job in this job i think for the client who is not involved with the finances and really doesn't have an idea of what's happening a lot of people's first reaction is fear you know they have this lifestyle how my going to live what am i going to have when this is all said and done and again i think the best response to that is getting information so what i say to people is get as much information as you can don't know where the statements are you don't keep paper statements you can go to a bank and ask for a copy of the statements you may have to pay some thanks do it for free for that for the last year twelve months but you know getting all that information you may not understand what it means but when you bring your having a professional they can look and say ok so now we have a bit of a roadmap here this is where we're going to get started and then that's where i know whether or not we need to have somebody else with a financial background at home o of those options getting talking it through making sure everybody's making an informed decision is really important because then you don't feel lost in the process i think a lot of people get upset with the outcome of their divorce because their they got lost in the process at some point they stopped participating me because it was too hard emotionally as they're not being having gone through it i think that's i was so focused on on our son i guess it was my ex that i just kind of gave up and i trusted this person to just take care of it there and i didn't interview a lot i it was someone that i knew i would say as a friend but as an acquaintance and i just thought oh ok i know all of this person will take good care that i believed it i believed it so that's important to be able to say that's a great tip don't be don't be afraid to interview other lawyers the also i what i saw with a client that i had when i was helping her she turned out she had the same attorney i with this person you know i did not know that i was entitled to that retainer back of the news put on use for him to know that yeah and i wasn't looking at it so those are like really really important things to know where people go in and they feel like oh my gosh person that i was working with you know right from the beginning and i always wonder why didn't you say but you know it is that feeling of like not knowing not having information not being educated and the third tip i say is tough and have a support system yes just like you would with any other try that you're going through in your life whether it's a family member whether it's a friend i really push a professional a good therapist how important can really make the day emotionally and financially you know part of being a divorce attorney or matrimonial tourney is we are part therapist we're not license that i'm not saying that i am but people call and they you know you get to know them so intimately and they share all their issues with you but that's expensive and time consuming and kong i lost my voice and let me do i look shy well it's like you like this show right i was nervous about coming on the show but people say oh you're in court you know you don't get nervous then that's my comfort you know so you know i do that i don't do that just the whole process it's very scary and unnerving i remember i didn't eat or sleep the night before i was so nervous i'm not really sure why i was nervous but i was and because it's your life and while you're in her room i did it so finally yeah it's and it's your life and you're just you're just so worried about the future is always so uncertain even if you're not getting divorced really the futures on citizens are now anyway you don't really feel it that same way as when you're in the middle of this awful life situation and worrying about other things like children or or where are you going where you're there your business which for me was everything was all of that stuff and it's hugely important to understand that hugely important i always say that to my clients to you know show me the money get somebody that's going to look at your finances if you would if you were with a divorce attorney or firm and you don't have that that other professional find one and all offer people you know all for them my expertise because i have a list someone not like you see all that's even possible you know i mean really there's just this lovely comforting way about you and i love that and i can see why t driving to connect because i think that you know it's really important to have have that connection i know when my potential clients come visit me you know they cry it's not all over me and i love it i love it you know what your mom's not i that someone can come to you and cry and snot all over you when you're going to be ok with that and is hugely important i never felt like i could do that with mine and i did feel judged and i felt ashamed i felt shame and judged that i was failing at something so big even know it didn't matter whose idea it was so now that i've been doing this business for five years i'm always trying to push the fact that if you can be off then tick and just tell your story like you told the story of how you got into a lot and it's so touching and you know for me i lost everything yeah it was financial my business i had my kid and when i lost my home of all those years and just this tiny two room apartment for it's the lawyer how they make you feel how do you make someone feel when they walk out of your office is more important porton than your credentials right yeah i do i think so you know so i think having good credentials think that i work with that right girl you know from we all subscribe to the same theory in school of thought of human first well this is why i am delighted that we met each other and tower are you out there in the green thank you for th and my my attorney bio was on there you can search by my name and i can contact my office at nine seven three four five one eight four five three that's wonderful ok and you know how to reach me if you're watching you thank you thank you so this is this means that you are out there to sixty thousand viewers and terror is out there and we are here to help you so please if there is any more information that anybody needs who is watching feel free to contact either of us or even the station if you don't if you don't have the number on the website so i want to wrap up by saying thank you so much for