sure my website cook because here's the thing she i call the pain detective and any case is your first time tuning in here the well you show kind of our mission is to make sure people have the tools in order to and so i haven't told really angel what we're talking about but breaking news we're heading into two thousand and eighteen and i decided i wanted to have a challenge a health challenge so i call it the world wellness quest and challenge is this to have your best health because you and i know people can't get rid of illnesses so it's how do we have our best health while living with health issues and full disclosure i am a person living with a mental health condition twenty five years now and some of this stuff we're going to talk about i had to use so i came up with this exercise so this is a two parter ok first what we're going to do is i had a patient and she was talking to me about what was going on her life i was i man your your your illness and your addiction has a hold on you and i thought to myself well of itself has got ahold of her she actually would have to pry her fingers off and that led me to this exercise ok which i have to give angel her work she it's called letting go and what we're going to do by the end of our session today is we're going to come up with the five things i'm going to give this to you ok that are going to be the most important to let go of in your life to have your best health that's brilliant so but what we're going to do is i've learned the way to make it simple so let me give this to you for a little bit later reading but what we're going to start out with  is brain storming and so what we come up with we're going to put this list up on the website so people can have access to it so without looking in your hand out are there things that come to  mind you need to let go of yeah i'll take you could say right now right now or twenty eighteen for me to have the best health ok so anything left because i know you've worked on we can think about emotions it could be anything in our lives that maybe are holding us back you know like have a hold on us and i love that you said what other people's opinion yeah you say caring oh look at this i never took off my little clips here i'm taking the clips off they want to fall apart to watch it doesn't fall on all right all right is carrying the others think all right excellent for me i think that in order for twenty eight to be my best health that i need to let go of trying to do too what i mean by trying to do too much is i mean that in my head i think like i could be superwoman yeah and i can say i'll do this and then i could say i'll do that and guess what i don't get any of it done because i'm trying to do right right so you spread yourself which is different than saying yes because that's an important one for some people i mean i'm good at saying no so but that sometimes is and i know that saw you in the years that i've known you the thinking there i have to take care of everything you know the animals that it's my responsibility to to take care of everything yeah let's think of a way i think that's marvelous  is it the response is it more responsibility peace or more just kind of the meaning i think it's like feeling that i am responsible to do everything ok but i something the sings it hold us back we put on ourselves you know it's not the expectation that somebody although that can be there that can be there where we could be the expectation other people have over you but i think what you said was so important because sometimes we can do things to ourself yeah i mean i could think of examples along with that but in some of them if they're animals while you know i'm not going to i'm going to take care of them yeah but other things like do i really need to do to do that wash it right now to clean up after yeah somebody else somebody else can do the dishes you know like do i have to be there one day well that brings me to want to mine  and i'm going to put this word although it's kind of a subcategory it's going to be perfection because there are people but mine was a little less than that it had to be done the oh right way oh yeah i remember you there yeah the show that you mentioned you know and like the dishes in the sink i used to be that person and i couldn't have dishes in the sink so i put them in the dishwasher and then i get mad at people but technically it was your issue it was wife yeah yeah yeah and what she's referring to is there was one time that i actually had to pack the car yeah acted i remember that was how but you know any others that come to mind for you because i've i've done this group this exercise i've done for probably twenty years so i have a list of ideas that we're going to go to here in a minute but i wanted to start with us to see if there was anything kind of not your expectation but how people come to you you know and expecting that yeah but i can't expect that of myself well about shared that yet you know but that's but i think the important part was you said a miracle yeah do know that you have helped a whole lot of people be able to switch off unless you know and you're really good about knowing what you can do and what you can't do and so that for some people though that would be a letting go of you know kind of like you had something yeah yeah and i think what you said was really important to that sometimes whatever we're doing in our work environment really could be you know something holding us back in our best health too because it's stressful sometimes i go to bed thinking what if i tried her you know yet kind of always thinking of how you can do that i'm having fun here yeah yeah yeah because we're pretending it usually is here with us so so here's what i want to get it thinking about if you can come up with any more i actually work and we're going to add these on to the list so this list that we're to make is going to be for everybody to actually you know have and there's there's i want you to think about feelings are there any feelings or emotions that yeah harry around with you would you be better served if you could let them go feeling like i'm not i'm not good enough but that encompasses feeling like i'm not smart enough not talented enough all right we're right wise you might find yourself in that pattern too i was just for some reason i thought about teenagers you know and how i'm not good enough and girls growing up and being compared and i think yeah i was actually i think it's worse now carol because if you know a lot of people are addicted to social media and you go on there and you think oh oh my god she's so much prettier look at because their life looks like it's it's sickness guess what actually i didn't think about it because my brain doesn't necessarily go there but there are going to be people who need to let go of social media you know that yes this is that is really going to do a show and actually we probably should that's a good idea i think we will comparing comparisons that that that's something else that that i used to do i don't do that so much anymore but it's just kind of comparing myself to somebody else and  that's that's the set up kind of like what you describe is happening on social media but i think social media in itself can suck people into the vortex yeah and people even get lost in there even just the amount of time you know i think it's something like well you might be under estimate but like fifty five minutes a day some people spend yeah wow let me see give it give us a second case anything else comes to mind here won't take off the audience will they be able to see this list carol absolutely we're going to yeah everything so if everything that we do here on our show the goal is is to put it online and we'll have at the end of this video you'll have the website even where to go get it but put the goal is to have tools you know and there's power when you can bring two people together like i could do this by myself but it would be as powerful ways with you and that's  it is it is i think sometimes what also keeps people stuck you know you could have the feelings of by comparing and not the enough but if you keep telling yourself that you're not the enough pretend this is a t v and you're watching the show but then down along the bottom is that her second ticker yeah so what i like to explain is that we have both positive and negative going on in our brain at the same time the question is where do you focusing attention on and for most people being able to is the negative and so that would be the big the bigger the bigger screen but if we can direct our attention to the bottom that is where we can focus on the positive which and also that it's working which is why mindfulness is really about strengthening your mind your attention muscles yes so that you can control where you're good at your  tensions can you have does that make sense and yeah that's why to me it's it we will we self talk when we negative self talk so what we're doing is we're repeating what we see which also than just strengthens the negative exactly p d u what we don't want we just puts more focus on yeah yeah yeah it's going to like it to break the news to you with kind of like pain management to me that is an oxymoron because just to bury mention of the word pain makes my brain focus on pain yes yes my word is relief and that's what i think of the work that you do if you give people relief and that to me is if anybody's like suffering from because here's well let me say this i didn't say this but i better say this now you can only list under letting go of that which you can control so i want somebody i'm saying pain  somebody might say wow or let go my pain it can't control whether or not you can let go of the pain this has to be within your ability to actually change when i would do this it to hospital i have a lot of people say the depression you know and i say well guess what if you could do that you wouldn't be here right so i wanted to point out that what we're talking about are all things and who can change right or under our ability to  change sometimes not necessarily our control but we can work getting the control because sometimes we're on autopilot yeah oh yeah and then we're turning over control and what really write right because it's just to have just a i like autopilot because to me i haven't thought of putting it we can you know shape or autopilot is already is there it's we're born with it you know so it's going to do whatever it wants to who needs care given to him yeah being a caregiver is very different than being a caretaker ok you're a caregiver ok all right you give care to people my guess is you also have been a caretaker though and that is when you take responsibility that will longs to somebody else and they can do themselves yeah yeah i could i could see you do it i sometimes was with your son yeah yeah yeah you know yeah we all  that again you're taking care of somebody who can take care of themselves and i see this happen a lot and on and people get so sucked in then you know what happens if they don't do it and won't put this keyword up here not that you would have it but for us but i think it had to do with like there's things like expecting people to because i'm very responsible or you know all get back to people right away even if it's not a good time to be doing that but i feel compelled to letting go of feeling like i have to get back to people like if you know the phone bounces or something in i'm working well i don't like it i have to return once it is a moment when i really can't she's put the i have to because i think i think that could go for you it's phone messages you know getting right back to people for what well it's this instant instant kind of response and quite honestly i think that's what the world is conditioning everybody to have you know and you might fuel that pressure but guess what i don't check my phone very often or text messages i'll see one that night and they gave it to the day you know you're right it is different know and i just it i did a conference yesterday for caregivers and the woman afterwards said what can i say to my mom because she wants me she's in a home she wants me to bring in stuff to her she's like do i lie to her and say you know yeah mom i'll do that and i said no no no no no don't lie you have to be honest i did all look into it you know and there's ways to set limits so that was a good you know need help if you need help saying no now here's what we got to do you take this piece of paper that i gave you ok ok and i want you yep i got to the pen and i want you just to think in order of what what would be most important like what's the most important things so here's here's what she's filling it out i'm going to explain to everybody so what it is is it's five lines and you have to start with five things in order of importance so that means that number one is the most important that number two in three and four and five and what's funny about this is i tried to make a big poster of this yeah it did it fail a no no no i can't remember where i tracked it down but but this was actually a work she did i used to do in the hospital and it would just really kind of give people then something concrete to work on and eating drinking smoking always saying yes shame exes because i've had people who said they had it just get their exes out of their life blame self medicating wanting things my way being a know it all making excuses the wish smoking junk food procrastinating using drugs neediness anger doubt the past knowing why and knowing why means why did he do that why did he do that to me because guess what that keeps people stuck because there is no wife in being irresponsible perfectionis and i have missing doses of medications you know because just that is if you were taking medication for your blood pressure or for your cholesterol or even your diabetes if you missed those of your medicine hard for you to have your best health you know and that starts the things to kind of work on so that you didn't i just realized as i'm doing it like it was it's must be priority you know like number one  you know and even people who didn't want to share it i didn't care because the most important part is printing this out and actually taking a pencil and writing it in writing it you know edging not doing it on a computer but writing it but sewer before i want to check in with you there were a couple on here that i think are really important just to highlight one was the past and i know that people just it holds them back because they are shame and anger you know and resentments goes a part of anger carol did you say you worry oh no i think we should add worry on there too so write down on your paper worry myself to be number two yeah i don't have it as number two yet i'm looking at my down something yeah because i'm always comparing myself feeling well this is similar feeling like i'm not enough enough yeah yeah well it's interesting because if you can work on the not comparing yourself then be right not enough will actually take care of itself to think so and taking care of everything which should be the easiest yeah i'm not doing and i don't tell her what we're doing so what had just come off being very genuine so hope this was helpful for you check out the worksheets at the website it's going to come up for you and we just want you to come back and see you so you can have enough tools to live well today