welcome to the carry out of show today we have a really exciting episode because for the first time ever we are in front of a live studio audience online which is normally how i do the ask harry episode people write in questions and i answer them on air we have live studio audience members that are going to be asking questions i'll be answering so before we start with that i wanted to share a little bit of a story that just happened last week and ends with a question that i want to use back to the audience and even viewers from home so ok last week was spring break right and the hunger games out so i took my kids to see the movie the hunger games it's a big trilogy that's like big of the theaters and i took my twelve year old daughter and my ten year old son and we're in the theaters and there's this really poignant part where a little girl gets murdered and she's probably about twelve years old love that he's really sensitive so i want to put this back on the women you know all the audience what do you think about a sensitive man is it too much the two over the top you know is there a balance what do you think is do you care for more of the will do that to him but i just felt like you know a year and a half it hit me at the end oh i don't want to be married because i started to bring it up sort of talk about it and all the sudden out of nowhere i don't want to be don't have family you know and it was very hurtful for me  know i thought we had something going on you know a family who spent time with his family and i just want to know why or when is it they're probably trying to bring it up because honestly i didn't really start communicating that was my desire for about a year do you know what i mean and i just you know i don't want to bring it up too soon now everybody in the world knows i want it no one how but i'm i'm thirty two and he's thirty two it doesn't matter he's a few years older than i am but you know when was the program time to bring that up obviously not a first date obviously not her state but your goal is to be very and have a family correct my thinking is bring it up right away not the first day of course let things evolve give me a timeframe like like six months like you know you know within the first few dates i wouldn't say i'm not the first day i get to know each other a little better but this is your goal and the day you want to be married and have kids yes i you know i think you're the one let's go get married and clear that let the naacp run this is what i'm looking for these are my goals you know i guess my i always feel like you know with guys updating what you were looking for in a relation you know and stayed up for yourself years far to want you don't have your waist that's far too long to invest in a relationship and then the end of they come back and say oh you don't want you know the state or from the beginning this is what i want and if he doesn't want to buy it you know that makes it does it does it's hard to do what it means to do and why do you think you waited so long he wasn't the most girl like she's cool and she doesn't ask for anything doesn't need anything and that's not really true and that's a whole you are so not all the time me i am cool but i mean i but i don't put i'm not a needy person i'm very independent you know me i'm not super duper clingy so those want to be together what's going on with stating your needs and this is what i mean right if you're not the one then i need to move on and find someone that can fulfill that for me well we definitely did that him and i yeah but you wasted a long yes i did a year and a half so big time to wait  too they have the same complaint that women will initiate texting at the beginning all of sudden drop off you know and women till i think that we've just gotten so desensitized from actual face to face interaction and communicating  if i just text you and doesn't call you is he interested in you know i mean at the end of the day if someone wants to be and they want to see you they will make that happen i think you don't want to be like the runner up you don't want to be the last option you want to be the option you want to be the person that he calls right when he wants to see you know you're going to know he's going to call you he's to me he's not just going to text you and i think we have to be careful about  work you know there's room wondering there's no oh my gosh i'm going to call he's just texting or waiting around it's just it just it seem less so ok ok we have our next guests from the audience john who has a couple questions for me on low john hello sir good to see you again good to see you too so ask away my question is how do i align financial goals  over the course of the first few dates you know the words i am not cheap by any means but i'd like to get that message across somehow without coming across as being a cheap goal is to be financially secure in the spend a lot of money well i mean i think i give guys a lot of credit because i think dating is very expensive for you all especially online dating i have several people my database two men who come to me and say look dating is expensive i'm going out three four times a week spending these expensive spending money on expensive dinners that i don't know where they're going to go and it is it's an initial investment but i think short you're dating a woman at the beginning and you're hoping that it's going to go somewhere i wouldn't mislead her and think ok let's go to you know a five star restaurant in new york and really pull the bells and whistles you're going to set that stage up that this is what's going to you know this is this is you set the bar pretty high you know i would take her somewhere pretty reasonable at the beginning and ok you know these are my standards this is where i am you know one in a while we can go and do nice things but you know at the beginning i would set the tone of where you are now the authentic to who you are from the beginning ok right does that make sounds it makes a lot of sense the the other question that i have for you is frequently one of the things that  what's your take on on doing and how do i said the expectations that it's not something that happens frequently but it's something that that's a special thing that i want to do for  lot and a woman would be lucky to have you on her arm because you know your share you're showing genuine concern about what she wants to doing it you want to keep things conservative you know i would get her feel on what's a good vacation spot for you that you think is affordable for for me or you know kind of is something that's romantic but yet conservative you know i mean like mexico  there's a lot of there's so many vacations nowadays that you can take that are that are affordable and fun but i would put it back on her and say you know i've been thinking about going away and you know i don't want to be took strapping on kind of you know watching my dollars and whatnot and kind of get her for it how has it worked for you so far it's tricky it depends on the person obviously but there is early on there is sort of an expectation that it has to be something really really nice and that can be the case sometimes but you're going to know right away and that's not i'm getting a sense that that's not the woman for you something nice but i'm not sure that this is going to happen on a six month basis while going forward what do you attract into generally are you talking to women that are ambitious and they have a career of their own are you talking more towards traditional women i would say traditional women you're a challenge john because the traditional women are going to tend to want you know a man that is a good provider and i'm sure you are but there are going to be more the ones that are looking for sure a tz and i'd like to do that on occasion but like i was saying i'd like to will set myself one up on a plan to be able to retire someday and be able to do that long term and i just right over the next five years yeah well just keeping authentic to who you are ok show up he will have a great guy ok our next audience member please ok we're back with our next guest ray into the hot seat and just said i don't have any questions i've got all the answers everything's good so let me ask you what is life like in the bachelor pad livin living the life don't have any questions for dating what's it like to be like the everyone having a fantasy about who you are something the perfect stranger syndrome and these people have these ideas they look at you and i think oh he's this and no they don't look at you they listen to you ladies if you haven't heard he's got an amazing accent so what do you do you opportunity we've got to is old school you know everything's a tour so we capitalize on whatever tools you have to go in and talk to someone and present yourself and get to know them and let them get to know you and be you know something that i've had friends say to me don't you meet women when you go out and photograph shows and perform was and honestly you don't know because people go for the show right and that and then they leave the not so i actually make sure i go out once a week anyway and i just caught like socialist friday or something like that socialize because otherwise i'm at home and people say i don't drink people so why do you go out to a bar i said because that's where the people are you know there's no one at my whoever might come up to talk to them and hopefully they're not too creepy you know she knows i'm talking about you know maybe they're like thank god i was i was i was out of performance the other week i wasn't working i was i thought i was going out of my head he said i was just happy to have something a conversation i could focus on and speak with someone so right you know even hear people say that all the time about not to women because they don't know usually if i say someone's attract to well i guess the other expectations are not that i'm against speaking with someone but a lot of times you talk with them and then you find out you that was that was the end of it you didn't write nothing ventured nothing gained roy yeah so you go ahead and talk with someone and  in the profile there would be a picture yeah and i would see the picture and i would get a response back from that person and we would go out on a date and every time it happened the person would not be anything like they are in that picture and so my question is how do you handle that i mean i'll give you one example when on five different dates and each woman was at least thirty pounds heavier than their profile picture one of them they were just so much older the picture must have been at least ten years old where i first sorry i said is that her mother you know where she go so anyway the sixth person what i did  i said listen i've been on five dates and no one looks like their profile picture so i said do you really is that a recent picture of you and the woman said yes it is so i said ok that's that's meet somewhere at a restaurant and we went to the restaurant and she showed up in a coat a winter coat this is september it's sixty five degrees out and she had a winter coat on and that was zipping up to her neck down to her ankles and it was obvious she was trying to hide something so i just played it cool and i went on with a date and a dinner out and halfway through i said you sure you want to keep the coat on are you comfortable and she said no i'd like to keep it on and it was obvious he was trying to hide it and my question is how do you handle that i mean should i have ended the date right there ok misrepresentation and i have to tell you that in some ways i wan women like this because it's the reason why i get a lot of male clients who are that with online dating for reasons exactly like this this is miss representation ladies put it off then take current picture i don't know i don't i and you know i did interview woman on my show recently who wrote the book confessions of an online dating addict and i told her about how i get complaints from men all the time about this exact scenario and she said i have to admit i probably did a little bit of that about myself and i said i was i don't understand explain it to me she said i think there was a part of me that was so hurting and so lonely and wanting a relationship i thought that maybe he could just fall in love with me first and the reality is ladies you can't get over the hump of being deceptive and if you lead on the foot of being deceptive from the onset right away he's going to say well she was deceptive about her appearance from a picture what else is she hiding you know and if you're not ready to date or if you know i'm the best shape that you  absolutely right to say look i'm sure you're really nice person and i am i don't consider myself a shallow person but the person that i was expecting really isn't here on the stage and so i'm an excuse myself and best of luck to you and my first thought was if you're hear from women too that men do it as well they lie about their high men they say and they say on average women lie about their weight online and men live at their age and i don't know why because i don't think women care about age so much but men really g hung up on it so you know it happens man woman i don't care who you are if there be authentically yourself if you're going to date so i've got to be online be yourself online right i mean you're going to see they're going to get to know you and if they don't like you ok this is rely on from then on alan i totally agree you know when you're when you're setting the path from the very beginning look i've been deceptive will go where you leave in the room to be a little bit like ok i'm hiding the shopping bag back here because i bought a parachute you know you don't want to start up a relationship in dishonesty in any way right ok our next guest from the audience is tom and he has a question for us so hit me tom if somebody comes up to you on a first date in you're there within five ten minutes and the where is that you know what specifically is that balance of being honest giving you the truthful information versus advertising themselves versus not telling you something that maybe they should yeah bottom line it all comes moving soon i love prince and moving company dot com i personally use them several times and i can't read about them enough so i go to princeton moving company dot com for all your moving needs