and south state soon and learn more starts now my home is trenton but you think that means get o is a life transformation special so a life transformation specialist similar to a coach ok but we help i help women to make transformation in their lives typically if there are some blockages or what i like to call pains from the past that they are holding on to i guide them which strategic tools and tips in order to work through them and ordered to start living a life of the film and of happiness ok ok so have you always been this li transformation specialist i've been a life transformation specialist for about five years but i have always had women who like to gather at my home they always want to pick my brain about different situations going on in their lives actually started out as a book club that i had of of women coming but we never seemed to read the book we always talked about life whether it was with our work or with our children or with our significant others ok and so prior to that though illy corporate work or anything like that what i mean you know was this your so means of employment or what if you do with anything else are you doing anything else well actually i have worked in corporate america for over thirty one years and i actually started as a senior in high school working for johnson and johnson and i stayed there for eighteen years in the administrative field and went to work in new york city at black enterprise magazine night and it was wonderful working for the founder and publisher of the magazine and i left there and currently i am working for one of the biggest of the little tropics that focuses on health and health care in the united states ok ok and still you have time to be the the like transformation actually in between all of that yet somehow i manage in being organized is very key in my role of being an administrative assistant i've mastered my time how to implement the task that i need to do in my full time that has been my business as well as travel support and sometimes you have to get away that is very very important so you said that everybody was together at home it started as a book club and everything and they would pick your brain about things what made you definitely decide to say this life transformation this is the direction that i know i definitely want to go in this is something i know i was called to do how did that all come about you know to be well i had gone through my own personal transformation ok my mom had taken ill and i'm an only child so i had to go take care of her and in the midst of taking care of her i forgot to take care of myself and when i returned home i realized that i was suffering from clinical depression because some of the symptoms that i experienced was not wanting to get out of out of bed not wanting to go to work and not wanting to be around people it was basically neat going through the motions of existing instead of actually living and that was not how i was before i went to take care of my mom so as i started discovering what was going on with me and you know i did receive treatment for that i had  fuse meditation into my life as well as doing a couple of other things that was pertinent to me bringing me back to the woman that i was and perhaps a little bit better and really after all of that i said you know what i can't be the only woman who has suffered from clinical depression and had all of these experiences of feeling like you're not taking care of yourself and i'm quite sure you know we think of taking care of ourselves as getting our hair and our nails done and go and shopping and buying those things we love but it's a lot deeper than that wow so i'm an only child to do so so i can meet you where you are in that aspect but you said the signs or some signs of the clinical depression were not want to get out of bed not want to be one of the people not wanting to go to work are there any other signs or sometimes they go along with it well for some people and it was actually me i had a loss of appetite and trying to really put things together as far as my thought process of what was normal to me you know i could get up i can go into the kitchen i can cook and but at that time it was like i get up and ok where am i going in the house it was just like i had stopped i had stopped functioning as a teen or wow wow ok so in your bio you spoke a little bit about your son right ok tell us about him tell us about what you had going on with him and how you guys got through that or getting through it so i'm a mom my son is now actually an adult he's twenty nine ok but i learned when he was in think it was kenny gardner the first time it was mentioned to me that he had attention deficit disorder but i was in the midst of being in the dial because i'm like even kindergarten what do you know that he is you know experiencing this is being a kid and he was being a boy right  and so i ended up taking him to a private school and it just so happens that the the instructor of the school the director she said i think he may have eighty and i said ok but i still wasn't accepting it but then once he went to the first grade he went to public school the teacher that he had who was absolutely awesome she said to me you know i think your son has attention deficit disorder she says every year i get one and you know some of his behavior like he wouldn't all the different channels to make sure that what they were saying was actually true and in the end you know i was in agreement that he was having some special needs and i did everything possible to make sure that he received the best care within the school system and outside of the school system because we can always agree with everything that goes on with the school system this is true so that's that's very good commend you for that for listening for coming out of the three different people out who you are helping your mother just trying to live how how do you function through all of that that was going to be looked great and how did you get through all of that it's amazing because i am someone i've tried to practice what i preach of practicing self care you know even if you know the discussion we were having earlier about my day and all the things that it includes it really comes with balancing your time ok and you know when you look at your schedule asking yourself what is it that you need to take care of in a specific day and that is how i manage my schedule between my full time job my business and everything else and i enjoy doing how do i do it i i can't even answer that question because it is just something that innate for me it really isn't that ok so but the whole balancing tired thing here you know i'm a busy person i have ten million things to do i don't have time so maybe to figure out what should be priority right how important is that for the people that are the road runners that it does have to do everything and have to get it done what's the effect what's the eventual effect not taking the time what it is take right yes of care what happens well you can end up like me suffering from depression or you can start feeling like you know what i'm so busy taking care of everybody else and no one is looking out for me and i'm being i'm giving i'm consistently giving but not receiving anything in return it's going to fill my cup and you can't pour from an empty cup you have to you know say to yourself i'm going to step back from what i'm doing for everyone else and start analyzing what i need to do to improve my well being take care of me the woman with it so now let's let's get into that for a  minute sometimes there are people that love to give and they have people that love their just nurturers by nature right yes no one's asking them to be the nurturer by nature is just you're just doing it and then it becomes who can after me who is the it is for me who is the one that for me when does it become the reality that it's like i really don't have to do this all the time i believe don't have to be there for this person i can believe me i guess my question let me rephrase it is what makes a person if you can answer it what would make you would think that she would have to do all of that stuff for everybody else and not take care of yourself in the first place well here's the thing and i'm quite sure you could probably agree growing up you're pure your parents your grandparents they tell you how to take care of other people they show you how to take care of other people but at what point did they ever say remember to take care of yourself right here you know they don't they don't teach us that ok and so when you go on this journey of self awareness and you start identifying that you're giving so much it's like wait a minute something's missing in the equation and that something is me and you you have to say ok something has to give in order for me to take these next steps to start taking care of me and the only way it's going to get implemented is if i choose to employ a minute and i have to start saying yes to me right and no to everyone else ok and so there's that much that you have some is there such what you do with the self care piece so when people come when you get together writing you meet with me or you're talking and everything what do you tell them are you say forget everybody else or just go over so how do  how does all of that work now i don't tell him to forget everyone else but i encouraged him i saved they ain't taking care of yourself it's not selfish it's self full ok if you're feeling yourself and you have to identify is it really that important for you to write everyone else's task that they ask you to do and pen and write jurors and pencil can't because when you write it in pencil it's easily going to be even raced and you know as a and often because i'm a single parent there are many occasions when i would stop doing things for myself and order to take care of my son but at at one point it's at you know what something has to give and you know i'm giving giving giving and he's definitely not giving anything back to me he's going to take it of care we talked about and moment so let's talk about that so you know self love is so important and what i've discovered working with some of my clients is when i ask the question do you love yourself you needed and often there are couple of ways that people like to receive love ok anything here the words really to hear the words right they need to be shown that their love for some people need both and when you're not giving them that love in the manner that they need it they wish their thinking that they are not love so it taps into their insecurities of this person doesn't love me because they're not doing x y z and that's why it's important when i talk to my sisters and i call everyone my sister ok that they really when they're when they're in a relationship and that can be a relationship with their mate or friends or family that they're honest about what they need what this is how you can show me that you love me this is what i need and versus what you've shown to everyone else i'm different right listen you know you're going right where i'm thinking because it's like ok i need to be loved this way not everybody people  must correct but then there's the part about the so care having people to be able to recognise how they need to be like you just saying and then walking into that to be able to verbalize it to say this is what i mean but what happens for to the people who may feel that they might be rejected is like i don't want to have to tell them how to show me they love me because then what if they think i'm needy or what if they won't love me do you help people get past that the fear of the rejection to say now you know what whether you accept that and that i deserve to be loved that this is what i mean so do you do you take it i definitely do because that taps into the other healing is truth forgiveness and love and i like to encourage my sisters to be truthful to the feeling that is going on without within them and that truth is actually open in the world so you're opening  revealing your truth and then the forgiveness is cleaning the world so you're cleaning it out of what was your past that did not serve you a purpose that is causing you ext you're cleaning it with forgiveness and not necessarily for giving the other person but forgiving yourself for holding on what ever you've been holding on to ok and then in order to heal that will you have the poorest some strong medicine and that strong medicine is you have to start loving on yourself because often times you x you may expect someone to love you but how can someone love you if you don't know what it means to love you so anything that they may try it may fail then they fail at it because it's not  what you so you're looking book of element from someone that they can't give you because they don't because you don't know what it is right right wow so talk to me about you do retreats you go away talk what is that a lot so i do a couple of treats retreats typically they've been in the caribbean and it's a yearly retreat that i do after mother's day and it's called remember me ok and it's encouraging the women to remember who they are outside of being a mom o any other all these hats that we wear as women and allow them to focus on themselves their self care self love and self worth for five days in the caribbean they totally detached somewhat from everything they get one phone call honey i'm safe i'm safe here and he does not take care of me they just think ok but it's a time where they can focus on their mind body and spirit ok you know i start my day out with everyone doing up a daily meditation  by me and either it's by the pool or on the beach because that sense of peace and tranquility is infused with and the meditation and then each day we go through different areas of focusing on the mind and where our mind is that regards to ourselves care and then the next day is the body and how we nurturing our body and taking care of her and then the spirit you know what is our our higher power and how we incorporating that into our lives and so each year i'm sure the retreat is growing  probably when i move to and well i will but right now i'm also doing a good idea recently did a girlfriend self love weekend and bethany pennsylvania man so was that all the and well it was interesting because it started out as a spoken sing on self love but as i went through the conversations with the women it's this time i had about nine women and they were holding on to some of their past pain that had to do with their parents so what their parents were and were not able to give them growing up is starting to have an effect on them as an adult so we tapped into that a little bit by having these really intimate discussions but really being open and honest with it and i do this little exercise where i have the ladies have a mirror and say i love you and it was interesting because you know some of them were having challenges with it and one young lady happen to say to me she says you know i couldn't do that exercise and i said why not she says i tell myself i love i love you it's quite alright but when she got home she sent me a message she said i realized why i couldn't say i love you she's because i didn't see myself i saw my mother in law it was really really it was wow it was a it was an eye opening experience for the ladies that i've decided that i'm going to probably continue doing as my stateside retreat and still continue the retreat and what love which is longer that's also and that's interesting that you bring all of that up because for so much as we would love our parents sometimes the truth is they've done things that she really don't like and then as you suppress the feeling or you figure you know i'm just let it go let me just get by with it as you get older it does play a major part one how you see yourself on how you function throughout the day  words are so important right and so as parents we should look to build up and not put down the little comments you're stupid you can't make it you messed up again every time i turn around you don't want something eventual only does have an impact on the child is that which i definitely with agree with that but when a things especially in our age bracket that i try to share with the ladies is this you have to remember the time when your mom grew up in and what may have been going on in her life so for her to try and give you what she did not receive and she didn't learn it she didn't receive it so it may be difficult now most people with the i'm going to be the total opposite of what my mother was there is right and we try hard to do that but for some reason there is that disconnect because mommy you know wasn't showing love you know mommy's form up receiving love was being yelled that that's healthy her parents probably showed her love so i always encourage ladies to think about the time when their parents were growing up and think about the interaction that they had with their grandparents because we know grandparents love they're great kids they're the way they are with their children is different a different yes and that you listen you just hit man is ninety four years oh i love her to death should be ninety four this july god bless him and so to just to think about it how my relationship is with my mother i love my mother  but even the communication with nana is easier and more open with this little boy tight because like you said when she was and then when man was i don't know if it's just because and i'm her granddaughter you know what you bring up an interesting point because my mom's the oldest of ten which is why i'm an only child and i grew up in the house with my aunts and uncles so we're close in age and my grandmother was always there and one of th that my you know my mom is i had my son at nineteen my mom would always pick on me about different things but she didn't realize that she was and then one day my grandmother said leave her alone and she's perfectly fine right and then that was when my mom stepped back a little bit but it's interesting because i call my my grandmother nana to them and you  and so i joined i partnered with a few women and that book comes out in mid august so i'm called organized obstacles and i'm also working on a book of healing the woman with in mind body and spirit and that should be coming out in the fall and i'm so excited about the journey that's going to be included in that book my sisters i'm going to school bed real quick to the meditation p s how important is meditation and what what what are you getting out of it by taking their time like you know some people don't have time to sit still for five minutes but why is meditation important so for me meditation was the key with reconnecting with myself and it gives me that time to be quiet and all the chaos that one may be going on through throughout their day when it was introduced to me i was doing oprah deepak chopra twenty one day meditation wasn't as organized as it was right now ok but that is how i started meditation and it really gives me that sense of peace and just helps me to calm whatever i may be going through throughout the day to just reconnect with tina and for those people who say you know i don't have time that meditate it really is not you sitting there and going no you don't have to do that and actually because i've been doing it for about four and a half years i've gotten to a place where i can just pause and do three  deep breaths and i'm back at my zen moment ok but for those who are just starting out doing it you can either go to do guided meditation with someone or i love you tube i pull up the honest guys who have great youtube videos and i set it at night i put it on my phone i turn my phone over and i i go to sleep to my meditation so i'm not carving out no extra time out of my day i'm doing it and it helps you to really wake up refreshed you're not feeling like oh my god out of jump up and jump out of the bed and get my day started you wake up in a calm state in order you may think you're not hearing it when you're sleep it is still going you know you're still i've enjoyed talking with you here on today are certainly know that i personally have gained a lot from what you have to say i commend you on your life transformation specialist mission to help the women to discover who they are and come back to loving themselves again why it is so important self love is so important because in order for someone to love one you you have to know how to love on yourself right and why is so worth one point why do i need to know that self worth means when someone tries to approach you and somewhat negative you are you know you'll be able to recognize what you are willing and what you may be willing or unwilling to tolerate in your life because you know that you are worthy  and the self care and self care is taking care of yourself mind body and spirit all right everybody so listen to find out more about tina see heinz you can find us on trying to do now t v dot com we're also on facebook