really what we're here to do is give people toll so that they can live well i call them the insider secrets because for twenty five years i worked in a hospital and what i would teach people so i don't think you should get in a hospital and this is this is be good i don't know what show this is but we're we're rolling so and i do not usually let angel and julie know what it is that we're doing so they don't have any idea you know coming as a surprise to  them so this thing is today the does the tool that i wanted to share with you all today is a tool that i've used to pretty much do most anything in my life and this show is showing probably few weeks maybe one month after new year's so happy new year's because if ever there actually is the first i want to since you know know how many new year's resolutions down i don't now know what i do i actually do a word for the year so last year my word was all in so that meant that i just really wanted to just do what i could i have a new word this year it's called reach and what i want to do is kind of reaches many people as possible to make sure they have the tools to live well yeah well so i want to introduce you all to something and you have written a book yes i can you say the title of that what's tried all survival secrets number yeah and i know julie you and i have talked because you have a book inside  yes so i use this i've written thirteen books just finished a fourteen and i've used this tool in all areas of my life and i want to introduce it to you all today because i think it can be helpful if anybody out there doesn't get resolutions but just is really interested in setting some goals because let me ask you all this no resolutions but the house and goals that you kind of personal goals that you want to achieve for yourself  another year so i call this i call this tool a treasure map all right go for an interview sitting me this is true story when i went back to get my degree for my masters in social work my first class back i had to write papers and all my god i was so anxious i'm not going to tell you what i had to do all right i well i had a staple all night long because the more stressed i got just what happened in my brain it went blank no so i literally had to stay up all night working on the paper just to give myself like to call my anxiety and in a girlfriend of mine showed me this later and after that life got so much easier so she called it  actually like to call it a treasure map because what i found is it's brought me great treasures and i have a few all actually let me know we're going to do this first and then i'll show you my secret treasures so what  the circle so you two have clipboards here what i want you to do is just kind of turn them on their side so they're kind of a long ways good writing in the middle of it i want you to draw a circle and i want you to write me just like that next year three years five years even a lifetime all right don't know if you have a bucket list but if there's ever been any see you wanted to do i want you to come up with about four or five if you can here's what you're go all right i want to give an example so for me i remember there was a time when i wanted to do this t v show all right so i'm going to own a kind of go backwards a little bit and use some of mine but still going forward one of the other things that i kind of wanted to do was to write a book and just that and the idea is i just want you anywhere on your paper there's no perfect place for it just around somewhere on your all right how about it ladies you got some written on there good now what i want you to do is go around them and you circle so ok our little circles around them great how you doing good all right now this is this particular show is not going to have a an action sheet because you know what we work on here everybody can always get download from the website but this is just taken a normal piece of paper and just kind of brainstorming and remember the same of brainstorming that i love is it you don't think of whether it's possible or not possible you just kind of get ideas now here's how you use this kind of what it does i'm about you all but i'm a very visual person so when i when my go from was showing me this she said ok carol you put your paper in the middle and then you write what are the different things that you want to cover in your paper and you kind of map it out that way and once she showed me this i mean i was it was so exciting for me because honestly anything i've done whether to write a book whether to do this show whether to you know kind of like even a job that i wanted to go for i kind of put the work here and then once i did this of a job it was what do you looking for in a job you know i actually showed this to one of my patients and you know what she used it for kind of making a husband list know she put me in the middle here and in the relationship what were the qualities in our relationship that she was wanting to have come into her life and and again it makes it all visible and a visual and then this way it's not so overwhelming yes yes and it doesn't keep it invisible because these get lost in your hair you think of your head as a filing cabinet where you know what happens in filing cabinets more stuff gets filed away and so the good stuff sometimes gets pushed all the way to the back and i'm a big believer in just trying to capture your ideas because they will get lost in goals you know what whatever to languages you use whether resolutions person or to me just a goals or you know i want to i want to come up with a worksheet a workshop on this i'm calling it destination success because if you don't let's say you want to go to be on vacation right just saying you want to go on vacation doesn't get a vacation no no and think about this is if you think about where it is you want to go on vacation you put a destination so i wanted to ask i know those different areas but my point is this is it we can pick a destination that we want to go to but that's not going to get us there we can't just say ok i want to do this we can put these things on your papers but that's not going to get us where we want to go so what i wanted and now think about using the same thing need drawn on your paper is for each one of those things i want you to identify what's one action step you can take to take a step towards making out happen does that make sense so i'll give you an example because i always like to kind of give examples here so let's  say losing my weight all right because i know about you all but a too many christmas cookies all right and so to too many christmas cookies and chocolate so i've gained a little bit and so the one thing it i could do is if i right up here is to exercise all right and for if you can just for a couple of them you know watch it kind of look at those in in kind of see how you all don't even tell me my spelling was bad i said all right getting a few in there ladies and again not to give you a headache or you know kind of make you think too much but it's just a way of being able to start capturing some of those things that you've been thinking about doing now let me ask you this and then what i want to do is whatever you rode out there circle it and draw lines well so it stays kind of connected because this way we end up having that kind of inter connected this that goes along with it now if you've broken things down for you could you break down things any more i say yeah i started to do that w yet so so like for my exercise here i could make sure that i set five let's say i sit five days you know a week with exercise you know and and it just kind of is there one step further so i guess that i'm making you make a destination and then i'm going to get me think about what do you got to do to get there and what are you going to do to get to that make now that makes sense is just a way of capturing again whatever your resolutions are whether you're goals or or just even kind of your dreams because honestly this could i never thought about that you cause you know we could call this a dream map because you could really take it and use it as a tool if we said to you you know what are some of your dreams nell i don't know do you guys ever have a hard time answering that question yeah yeah where was it again kind of i said  adding to and some of them i'm like ok i'll sure all right stalled yeah so julie unlike you you know somebody said to me ok what do you dreams you know or what dreams do you have even even for my business i'm like right what do i want what i want to have it so here is a tool that i learned is kind of in doing so there are people work but i found it kind of shifts across in fact my last article in esperanza magazine was was one of those if you went to sleep tonight and you woke up tomorrow morning and a miracle it happened overnight how would your life be different what would you be doing where would you be living being is a social worker when i worked in the hospital treatment programs i didn't get to work with people for real long time so we had to come up with kind of solutions and so what we focused on was the example i would give them is if you go to sleep to tonight and you wake up tomorrow what is going to be what do you want to see different in your life and a lot of people would say was i don't want to be depressed you know or i want to be working or and so put in that context it's a lot easier for than what or what ifs cause what if i don't obey all of my brain just doesn't grab one of them you know and so i call it the they call it the miracle question you know quite honestly but it's just a way of resolutions is that so many people have these marvelous ideas that kind of go through their thoughts every now and then but ideas get lost and i think what's really important is finding a way just to capture them even if somebody was to do this once a month to find out all right where am i at have the change because sometimes our lives change and what's important to us you've got the i found that out you know isn't necessarily important there you know so you found that that what i thought was like a dream or goal or whatever for maybe a few years or longer in the last year and i know i need to come to this point find now that's just not yet there anymore yeah yeah in you know what i think of so so one of my other books i want to write i didn't put it up there is i call it the twenty one rules for the road of life you know and daddy says if we're traveling through life and we leave new jersey and we are traveling to florida in order to get to florida we might have to go through georgia or there might be a road detour and we end up going around about in another state but we had to get where we were to be where we are in the long run and where you are doesn't have to be where you stay either maybe you know like we are and that's ok somebody same thing that they just have to go through yeah these i guess i let my so i think about life lesson you know he has now here's the other thing i wanted to do in the time we have left is because when i think about resolutions and i think about people who set up goals and really i was writing about this in the last chapter of my book that people set themselves up to fail before they've even gotten started  and i want to show you an example of that so let's let's take my exercise exercise has been a part of part of my life for a really long time and i know for you ladies too that's an important part of your health foundation but somebody who says ok this is the year i'm going to join a gym and i'm going to show up you know because there's a lot of people that join the gym but then they don't show up or maybe somebody out there set the goal slash resolution i want to i want to lose fifty pound notice what i put a nice small number because here's the secret let's see if i can turn this page without thole and it all down here is to secret about whatever your goal is you want to do this start small not the big goal the smaller goals little bits little always use that as a great point of explaining that we don't have to make big amounts if you take small amounts like pennies nickels dimes and quarters take in a hundreds and hundreds of dollars and we're going to be more successful when we take on little changes so if we kind of some of those things we identified i want to get you to think about what's a first little step that you can take towards them all right now when it comes to changing behavior this is also where people set themselves up to fail heading into their new year's resolutions or their new year's goals or even just their life goals quite honestly so can you think  have to tell us i want you think just think of a behavior that you would either want to start doing or stop doing in the next month like in your lives that does not serve you very well people who would say yes when they really want to say no and we actually did we did a great show on ways to say no without saying no i don't know if you laid out but here's the thing people will do that so what i want to do is i want to purple just so we all know is going to be for the awareness a is for awareness and i want to show you what happens for people because we don't all of a sudden change like that is this process so here's what's going to happen the behavior is going to be a yes person and the awareness so behavior and then what in the pathing on her way home from work later that night  five pm so realizing this that oh my god i did it again i actually said yes when i wanted to say no that was a going to i go how i want to do this with two markers you guys all right i've got to leave i'm out like this here we go all right so then the behavior happens again this time it only gets to until the middle of the afternoon to realize what she's done and she said yes again next time it goes here so maybe it's lunch time then what is up happen is she does and this time it's just an hour later then what ends up happening is the behavior and then it's a little bit closer now just a half hour and then what it is of happening is it's like she says yes and then she realizes oh my god i did it again i wanted to say no why did i do that but here's the interesting thing that happens then the next time she notices she's saying yes and think and or so oh i don't want to say those words so it's almost happening at the same time and interested where the magic occurs and that is that the awareness then comes before the behavior and that's how we make change we don't change from here to there we kind of gotta go through all the steps along the way make sense yeah yeah because i was just thinking about an example of something that a few things that happened in the house and i caught myself before reacting or like like a typical response yeah like start to make some changes knowing that you know what i normally say this it doesn't help the situation but i caught myself so it is a thing so you don't even you so you can it is this you kind of were able to catch yourself before y get it did you ever get to the point where you maybe said some say oh god that wasn't good i should have said something like that because that's that that process that we go in you know and i think what happens is when people said goals or they set their resolutions they think ok i'm going to do this realizing that it's not there's there's the journey there's the steps in the process that we kind of gotta go through in order to kind of get that going n n if you've put down changes if you put down things there's the steps that we've gotta go through to get to that place and it's all about really just trying to capture them on paper so even if they you kind of don't do them for about a month you yeah it's small are you know i'm like i know what i need i'm in and out so it's become kind of a bitch well for you it's easy yeah yeah i so here's the whole principle and the reason why i ask is this you know research has shown is that when we write stuff down we actually have a better chance of either doing whatever it is that we want to do or not and i always like a shopping list because i make a shopping list if i forget my list at home i can usually get eighty percent of what's on the list because you wrote it and when you write stuff it ain't true sit in another part of your brain just like you are telling us like when you when you can't sleep and is sort of counting sh that right way or that wrong way to do things so so so helpful you know what i think i know i don't do resolutions because i don't do resolutions but i thought really important you know if there are people out there wanting to do resolutions or wanting to set goals for yourself you know what you gotta write it down and then look at how you can break it down into those really smaller steps and coming back to you can call it a mind map you can call it a treasure map you can call it a dream map i don't care whatever you call it but i wanted to share a tool with you all today that is serve me well whether it's been my books whether it's been i said i would show you this so even the shows now i didn't do for this one because we were going to do it on a board but even the shows all the shows that we have done i have actually taken and our how to say no show done a mind map and so it's a great tool that can serve com and i'll show you when you see this it come up in a little bit give me give me an idea if you have an idea for a show if you have a problem you're struggling with because our mission here is to really bring you the tools to living well today so thanks for joining us and we'll see the next time