how everybody it's jodi toeplitz your host of week to me divorce decor weed to me helps adults and their kids feel comfortable and happy in their space as they've gone from we don't mean married to single by restoring permanency and emotional wellbeing through the uplifting power of color design and of course one to one mentoring with me today i have a very special guest and our show is part one of an anti valentine's day show i love this and we're calling this now that we've done your space this time to do your face and vice versa so having said that i would like to introduce you to my very new and lovely friend and god don't let me blow your name practicing your last name for about i don't know thirty eight minutes and i still can't get it right but that's just the way it goes so robert tell us first of all where you're from where you work and give us an introduction to that i  about you know this the show as you know is all about divorce and other professionals and their take on divorce and this is a really i think a really interesting take on it in that you are the manager of the salon you see a lot of people come in and out they don't come in so happy sometimes they might have gone through a divorce or some type of horrible transition but yet they're brave enough to enter the salon maybe they've not ever gotten their hair color caught in a professional way or maybe they've just been too depressing all of a sudden you know they arrive tell us you know i'd love to hear you like the bartender you know you're like the guy where someone goes into the bar and they're like  are like that in the hair salon and you're the manager you see it all tell us you know in your words what you see when people come in you know the way they look their demeanor their we talked earlier about their posture all that tell me what you see when you think someone's kind of in trouble i think what a lot of women come in and i don't think they realize this is you know they've focused so many years on focusing on their families they focus on their children they focus on their jobs and they do not focus on themselves anymore so they come in their posture is not the best just coming and they're just going through the motions of life kind of slumped over kind of direct yeah so once we get a hold of them and we push them in the direction of why don't we try this things change it's like a mir and for the very first time and i've seen this quite a few times they take their very first selfie oh my gosh is that touching and i or that's the best i went and you know i would not have thought of that i would have thought about i would just think what the obvious is you know go in and get a make over but you see something beneath that level you see like you said the posture coming in the half smile the holidays were right and then all of a sudden they're taking a selfie i mean that's very touching you know there are the obnoxious people on the street the twenty year olds that are doing this all the time that's differently that's different this is like self pride right there is and there's a but you know it's so important that when you're hurting on the inside we all have our own way in which we heal you know our own however long it takes us but taking something into your hands and being tapped tile and like going in and having someone do your hair and touch your hair and color it and cut it and maybe do your makeup that's an immediate gratification and don't you think that when that happens that helps somebody move watchin some stupid show absolute sense of difference right and i think it's the quiet of the change from the divorce yeah i think once the horses over you know things start to change and they need to change as far as from you know the house you know everything will be remind you of the way things were right so now things need to change from your house to your makeup to your clothes to your hair now that we've done your space is time to do your face and eyes are on the way really right it really and even you know like even when you're not going through something better just having a normal day just making the extra effort to to put on like lobster and just a little jewish or whatever really helps brighten your spirits and i think you you said something to me before too you said not only you know now they're doing the selfies but talk about what they look like when they're paying in there and there their chin is up and it makes a world of difference you can almost see a sparkle in their eyes so it goes from bad posture to a shelf full in the walk to a very mediocre hello to you qana not looking at the mirror i'm revealing all those things because you know when i can sort of remember feeling that way in a time in my life multiple times in my life and not enough that you bring it up to me i can see all those steps and then they're in the chair and all of a sudden they're looking at mirror they're looking at themselves what they're doing and then what they're looking at is something they like and now they're popping off the chap the chair and they're popping over to the desk and they're paying and they're kind of leaving with a little swagger and a little pop as you call it it but i think there is like i said a direct correlation oh you had some something else you forgot this was the most important thing you said i want to bring it up that it might be a first time mom you know a mom that's now is newly divorced focused on the kids first time getting out you said and i thought this is brilliant i didn't think of this but it's like it's almost like a group group therapy or gathering with other women and other men and that will make you feel happy it's getting out in the public how important is that like maybe when they first get there they they're not really chatty you find that that's a supportive setting as well it is i think if you're your worst stay home mom and you're going through a divorce or you're freshly divorced the only interaction they've had with other women is that maybe dropping the kids off school yeah exactly or soccer games football games and then you're in a room with other women who have the same problems i have yes very possibly you're hearing other stories yeah and about things that are going on with your body that maybe didn't happen ten years ago exactly and it's kind of refreshing because they're like that happened to you and i ha like we really got that's great because i'm not a normal no i'm not alone like this is great yeah and that really helps and it's like a therapy group because we're all talking about it and with with compassion and not judged mental cuz really sitting in a salon as anybody that goes knows you hear everybody's busy again it's back to the bar and the bar tender thing you are and you do feel part of this like really cool group of women and men that are just coming to share and like oh no honey that to do that was you know see syrup let's just plug my book for a second seriously you know you hear that because they're there and they're caring and they want to share and that i thought was and you had a lot of good points about that it's not just you know i'll save to my client you know when i'm doing their space i'll offer a think you know why don't you go to salon dare and get a make over but i didn't think beyond that i was thinking you know they come out they look good they feel good you feel good you feel good that's my motto but you i love that you were able to touch underneath the surface because you see it every day and i really appreciate your insight that's something that i wasn't totally aware of i mean maybe on a subconscious level but until you brought it up i realized that it's it's even more valuable and when i you know when i go to get my hair done i kind of look forward to that even if it's a quiet time and then chatt and i and i'm i'm just very pleased that you could accept my invitation to be on the show and talk about it and talk about it on a a subliminal level in more of a psychological level and you know people just thinking the outside of you know she's got her hair done it's colored it's she's got red lips it's good you know you hit how how how therapeutic it can be the whole experience not just the outcome so i think that's pretty cool and having said that what i love about what you that it correlates to what i do so now they're now they're feeling proud about themselves but it's just as important and i've explained to you and told you what i do with my clients is that you need to be house proud now you know it's like we're where we're talking about both shells the outer both to outer shells one is directly the hair the clothes the makeup and now your dress that now i'm now addressing the outer shell that contains the person you know how do you have a space that is nourishing it makes you feel safe and makes you feel makes you feel like you want to have people over right right and creating a sense of permanence like you're not just oh i just moved in and i didn't paint the walls and i could before i could be gone any minute you know so for valentine's day to go to a place like yours and spits yourself up even if you don't have a valentine's day the point is robert do it for yourself that's what are called i think the point you and i are going do it for yourself not everybody has a valentine and quite frankly avoid the restaurants if you don't have a valentine don't go but do something nice for yourself maybe get your hair done maybe get her done after you do a yoga class or do something that's going to be nice when i'm going to suggest for my it for for my clients to be to make yourself feel comfortable in your own space how do you do that you know what if you're alone that night and you're feeling a little sad maybe you take your dress all of your senses sight smell touch sound taste candles in the bathroom a nice bubble bath to smell maybe your favorite maybe your favorite maybe it's your favorite junk food maybe you feel like you want to give yourself a treat and maybe have some chocolate or maybe you want to stay super healthy whatever is going to make you happy address address everything so what i would say to my clients in order to get through a holiday that might be a little bit difficult would be to now address your space like you did your your face now it's time to do your space  sure that your bedroom has really nice soft sheets make sure that it smells good in there for you for you not for company not for anything it just is for you maybe you want to rent a movie that would that is non roman that's just funny that's just going to make you laugh if you're feeling a little down in the dumps but it's really important that your house nourishes you and you can make that happen the three most important rooms i think in your home when you're going through a difficult time are your kitchen your bathroom and your bedroom why because the bathroom is a place to refresh and to re new so i would tell my clients make sure path is clean put the effort in you know make just like you want to run of the house and not brush your teeth it's you don't feel good make sure your bathrooms clean make sure it has all of things that you like in the bathroom if your whether it's taking a shower or bath gels or whatever bring a candle and like i mentioned before make that a little sanctuary for yourself just to chill out relax the kitchen super important because sometimes when people are not feeling up to par they either overweight or underweight or they do belts depending upon where they are in the process i know when i'm super depressed or very upset especially in a love matter i don't eat like i stop eating for days i know i'm starting to feel better when i begin to eat again and then i mean even like do something really naughty and have a red velvet cupcake that's the law i was like why can i so the kitchen super important to address make sure that it's stocked with healthy foods and possibly a treat for yourself make sure that meat there's enough food in there so that if you did want to invite a friend over and you didn't want to be alone and you wanted to watch that movie together it was it was prepared and  again it was a place that encouraged experimentation in the kitchen and maybe baking something or cooking something you know so the kitchen is very important shouldn't the the cupboard shouldn't be barren just like your face should be barren and your hair should be stripped of color you everything should have color and life in movement you know so the bathroom the kitchen and again lastly is the bedroom because quite frankly everyone no matter where you are in a relationship or in a transition you have to go to sleep and wake up somewhere so oftentimes i tell my clients that make sure to address your bedroom first make sure that you have you know the egyptian cotton sheets or you have linen sprays and make sure that that's also clean cheery and make sure that you're surrounding yourself maybe with pieces of art of photographs on the wall that that when you wake up because you have a smile and you know when you go to sleep they come to say good night you know maybe it's pictures of your children or artwork that your kids did or a photograph of really cool vacation these are all really really good tips to address when you're going through a transition of any kind whether it's divorce loss of a spouse relocation empty nest syndrome any of those things are you know traumatic and it's super important to be able to have your house also be that outer protective  shell and support you in your journey and so i think that what i like about us is that we we do two separate things when we address outer shells of people but when you do address the outer shell wouldn't you agree that it it really impacts the inner the inner self absolutely have you you know in how many years have you worked for melanie i've worked for melanie for a year and a been doing this for over ten years oh ok so you this is something you really enjoy doing it is it really is something that you absolutely love has only to see the impact it has on yeah yeah and it's really important and also even you know i would imagine you get in even people you know not just divorce but say it's a loss of a spouse that can be pretty devastating and i'm sure that you probably be experienced someone coming in maybe you've known that this part you know this person for a few years and then also you find out the spouse is gone how do you handle that when they come in what do you say to them i think the best thing is to listen i think they just want somebody to listen to them because i think they have a lot to say i think a while the times a lot their family has a lot to say yeah so they don't have a chance to take a breath they don't have a chance to say what they want to say so when they come to our house it's up to us to just comfort them they just want to get their hair done give them what happened and just have a more a couple moments of solace before everything gets started and they could even be preparing for you know the funeral it could even nice and as sad as that exactly what usually happens is that they come to you anyway because why even then their darkest moment they still want to feel good and sh respect and feel like ok let me put i used to you know put my best pedicure foot forward you know she just let me to me do the best that i can under the circumstances and it doesn't always mean it's going to be perfect and that's another thing it doesn't have to be perfect it's the fact that you made the effort to try that's all you need to do it doesn't you don't have to reach any maximum goals you don't have to come out there out of the song looking like you know a supermodel that's not it you just have to feel even if you feel incrementally better isn't that enough so you agree just increment i do and a lot of times we've known these people for twenty years melanie has been doing some of her clients for fifteen years some of her care her clients are n going to college she's on their first haircuts so it's and there's their own leaving hollow so we were treated as a second family yeah so it's important to them to come in and just be with us in times of need  what really gets a really good way to put it because i don't think people typically think of it that way and the same thing goes for creating a space that's nourishing and emotionally fulfilling people don't think as decor as that they think of it as it should look nice and it should really be your space is more about how it makes you feel not what it looks like it should feel good when you walk in you should be able to close that door and feel that if you do want to cry your eyes out you can and then you could also feel safe enough you know to enjoy each room in your house to maybe watch especially movie take that bubble bath do whatever all of these things are really important if you don't take the time to do that your space as well if you leave your walls blind can you don't paint them and you don't hang up things that surround you that make you feel uplifted it's only going to actually take away from what they got out of the salon or vice versa when you know it's almost like it takes a village right it's all right it's not just the beauty  outside of the beauty of the home it takes sometimes it takes cycle fair piece sometimes it takes just venting with a friend what i want to tell to you know always express to the listeners all out there is that you need multiple things don't think of one one fixed you know reach out to your friends get your hair done reach out reach out to someone like me or if you can't you know go on my website and look at my design tips there you can you can learn so much just on i'm just changing pillows that might bring in a burst of color that might make you smile or both of your things in your house that might be weighing you down you know maybe there are things people forget like they bring things that are functional and you know you may not want to bring something that reminds you of your marriage now that you're not married or an engagement gift or that in you're not engage anymore or or you know your spells passed away and it was maybe you want to put it away and you want to think about surrounding yourself with things that are emotionally uplifting so everything in life robert is about how you feel it really is it isn't just about how you look at this is the funny thing is though but how things look can impact how you feel and vice versa absolutely it is  really really is so having said that do you have any any tips for anybody i know put you on the spot if you don't it's ok if you could say one thing to someone who is maybe like to him i don't even know where to go i mean even if i can oh if there was a woman or man watching and they they really wanted to go make a change we talked about fear earlier and what did you do by coming here intent i think  just do it right to just do it i thing i was absolutely a nervous wreck about coming and i have definitely let fear hold me back and you know i definitely have you up and i'm going to do this and i think if you're feeling about yourself and you just want to change something it's just you know it i know probably would just hair and this isn't a big deal this isn't just here you when i spoke to you this morning you were nervous and dammit you got on here you were amazing guest no one out there would ever know you were nervous and i am honored to have you and i'm just can't thank you enough for for coming on and fighting you fear you are the perfect example of you know telling somebody you know out there you know yes we all are afraid about certain things but you know just take this step i guarantee you something good will happen out of it i'm i'm positive so having said that i'm going to end my i know my show now the way i always do and i'm going to tell everybody that it's very and you don't know the ending to the show yet but it is very important that our our space is comfortable reflects our personal style and ladies and gentlemen that should fit you well like your favorite care pair of kick ass shoes and robert in honor of you and honor of overcoming all of your fear and being my guest i have not only do i have a i have a boot in honor of you so this is my featured boot for my show with robert and i am delighted that you're here and this is in honor of you taking chances and kickin e the number two am eda com and also i'll talk about this in part two with my next guest teri lines but i'm very excited and proud to say i am a new author of a book called seriously as if going through a divorce wasn't bad enough the untimely arrival of chain here that's another reason when you're going through menopause and you have a chin here that's unexpected that you need to go to a salon day or so they can pluck that sucker out so having said that thank you everybody for joining us