hello and welcome to another happy sort of despite the challenges a show where we showcase cut it just people who despite that impeding circumstances not only that i would come them they just don't stop there they go out in  community and help in many ways today i have a guest who for generations have gone through domestic while ns fifteen year old daughter w well thank you i'm so happy to be here welcome to the show the q ok so do you want to tell us a little bit about yourself and introduce yourself to an audience yes my name is mc not around anderson and i'm the founder and president had to tell about my experience because i am also a survivor of domestic browns and so i have been in a community and washing we're located in washington d c and we just go out we do awareness in this we do actually a victim of domestic that was because as you stated all the other relationships around me were doing that there were no hell no relationships so it became just as a norm just the norm yes first of all i want to step back and apologize when your daughter was killed she was eighteen yes you know i somehow misstated age fifteen self just wanted to make that connection thank you so going back to your that but when she left mine there we end up moving into my grandmother's home he and there was other family members there so older cousins and aunts and i also seeing them go through those cycles of abuse with their partners ok how did they had to shape your perception of relationships i thought that's what you did in relationships i thought that if you didn't argue and fight it they didn't love you i thought it was an expression of love and so i thought it was normal it in some cases a disagreement can be a healthy disagreement between two people trying to as all issues or different perspectives but when the disagreement or argument becomes abusive in nature like you said he thought that was a normal part of life yeah because i was taught how to communicate the first thing that i have seen that if it didn't go your way you put your hands on you you can take or and the arm we agreed to disagree type of frame and he was like me on agree with me and i'm upset the first thing i'm going to do is to share some of the events moments or stories they were devastating enough that didn't make sense that and it means love it means affection absolutely  her experience my first domestic balance situation i was sixteen years ago where my boyfriend he had actually choked me and i didn't tell my mom about it and i didn't tell her about it because i didn't want her to tell me to leave him alone so i hit it after that you know we got into some scuffles and things like then nothing major like i win it through the latter part of my life but it thought always you know speak up for myself insane things like that and then it became a battle can't even remember before i even married man has been we had been through some domestic balance issues i remember him he was telling me that his sister was more like a mother to him she had raised him in everything and even tell me a lot of good things about her insight within two miles within our relationship i had the opportunity to meet his sister and we were out on a day trip just you know hanging out and they started arguing with one another and he caught her to be worried and so i'm like wow you told me that this woman meant so much to you how can you talk to her like that and he looked at me he pulled the car over and he went into the trunk of his car he got this little small mini baseball bat out of any hit me in the head with it and he told me to mind my business and at that time just just like them just like that just like that and i had i was in the car and i can't believe what had happened and i told him i wanted him to take me on which he did when he took me home my mother will actually took me to my sister's house and my mom was there in she was like what happened and hit me and i hear with the stick and she was like you need to leave him alone he's not good for you but i don't want to hear that ows this think it oh she just don't want to me to be happy this is what we got our cause they actually  could change him ok and even after that first incident we hit me and when he would stay there was plenty more incidents after that i was pushed out of a moving car oh and this is all actors and all of these things happened to me before i said i do i still marry this guy even though all of the abuse that i went through pushed pushed out of a moving car that can be very tragic yes well you don't know what's coming and no my direction no you don't and what happened to me that they were he pushed me out we were at a girlfriend's house at a cookout and he got mad because my girlfriend called me over to introduce me to a local celebrity that was there with his manager and he was upset and so he came over he said he was leaving as well that's my rant i have to go so when i went to the car i got in and he started calling me all of these names in its calling me putting you down y putting me down the little in me calling all these different types of names and i'm like why you don't is what is going on it's like you want to get america are and i'm like i'm not getting out and so he proceeded to take my seat belt of open the door and push me out and i didn't know what happened you only thing i knew was that when i when i looked up i was on the pavement and i looked up and i seen these brake lights coming back at me the first thing i thought is that he's going to run me over so i jumped about a street i want to side of the road he gives out  car and then he pushes me over the guardrail and my mentality that stern is because this guy knew that any time we will go through something that he will behind me he will bring back the gifts acte apologizing so at that time i had all designer glasses and go earrings that he had just purchased and once he pushed me over the guard where i got up the glasses were grant and one earring was gone and the only thing in relationships and in a way early age early on in the onset of the relationship wasn't it they are trying to work out things i hide but was inside how do you deal with it at the time when i was dealing with him he pushed me into my spirituality because i couldn't believe that god was allowing me to go through so much pain like even though i was the rest up on the outside i was dying on it and and so i grew up in a church and everything so i had a foundation of who got worse so i went back to their foundation i started reading more i thought of going to church more i started to find out who out works and you know just find mel things more about me and it really helped me through that i start loving myself more and start saying to myself i don't deserve this because of first with my husband after i married him after the him use i thought that i could save him he was a person it grew up he didn't grow up with god in his life you know he didn't have that so i thought that if i love him enough and i will create this perfect environment for him then he will love me so you were feeling sort of accountable for his well being yes and at the happiness  journal my journey of finding dark for myself he used to always say the things he's always say to me is that don't leave me and i said i would do you mean by that you say because i see that you're growing oh i see that scary yeah at and he had so all those things even though he had never laid eyes on is there he took on all those burdens of what the family spoke about his father so it was like soon rocking people coming together trying to be understanding of all because he will always revert back and even like two years into the marriage the visible abuse stopped ok but the verbal abuse increased increased ok so it was just a shift from he was just the shit he had always been verbal abusive but then it was the physical and then once the physical stop and that's only because i had to threaten him he was the type of person he didn't want to go to jail and i didn't want to send energy i wanted him to be there with me t even landed me in prison one day one day and i just want to share this story with you one day i was at home working in my home office and we only had one car at that time and so my d she was at a girlfriend's house over that weekend it was time for us to pick her up that sunday she called she says she was ready so i was down base and my husband's in a kitchen s it hey you know we gotta go and pick up kesha and i don't know what had him upset that they i didn't hear you clearly let me go upstairs so when i went upstairs i put my papers down but i still have pain in my so i go up stairs in the kitchen and i x m s n l what did you say he turned around he looked at me and he's saying tell her father to go get her he turned to spackle me well that's when my rejection issues kicked it before i knew it my hand was up in the air and in pain it was in his back and so when he did it he turned around  looked at the wall and he looked at me and he's age you know what today you're going to go to jail for all women who think they can put their hands on a mate and he left he called his mom is mom came and picked him up and circle right down point on it was at that point i realized i could do this anymore and even with all my spirituality what was holding me on into the marriage is about you know you're not supposed to the voice and i you know went to my church family when i was going through this and at this time you know domestic violence is not really being talked about the way it should be so it's so back then and they really wasn't discussing domestic violence in so i would say my church family in everything and i was telling about the things that i was going through and it was just only a matter we'll just pray and i was like i'm praying with this is the all happening  else do do i and i had to i had to find i did search deep within myself and i was like where are there where are the women in the people this going to speak truth to this is what's going on of emotional it can be really difficult to undo or see it once utilizing and you're not getting much support from your spiritual family from a church family and then what's  what i realize is that speaking something and your actions are two different things and so they were going of my actions and so really the only where was my daughter when she got to an age and then she started dating guys or becoming interested in guys she met this guy fourteen years ago and she started going through the same thing that i was going through because we started getting back to me because we knew about they were going to heaven some balance altercations in their relationships and at that time we all stepped in even my husband at that time my husband stepped in i stepped in and also my daughter's father we got the police  was trying to do everything for her what i wanted someone to do for me so and i did that but at that time it was already too late she was already accustomed so this is the norm there's remember all of the love yes so she met him when she was fourteen in four years later she was there by him he was actually the one who murdered her so said very sad very sad  mastery of what happened to me and how when you don't deal with those things how it can be carried on to the next generation because our children are watching everything i admire you know for them do it and that you've been through the hand them a little bit about the foundation that you're putting it into the foundation of ok i wanted to do something well god tell me that i would do something because i don't want my daughter's death to be in vain and i couldn't sit back right at that age because she was fourteen when it started with her so those the ages that you're getting involved with young men and so there are some things that you need to know so what we do we have incorporated workshops that we do because even with me at the out there myself this thing for me to allow someone to treat me like that then my self esteem was very low even though i never knew that because who has the say they don't love this but your action shows that when you don't love yourself so that's what we do now we go and we talk to churches and schools and group home and we bring them self esteem workshops we do domestic balance workshops also sexual abuse suicide and depression bullying you know all those things that our young children are personally feel that as you know that i advocate domestic violence awareness and prevention and i feel that the adolescents are licinius the right age where both young men and young women need to be taught and as in any order generation i feel that it is our responsibility to give them that kind of guidance and mentoring and support and open a door for the dialogue to have them come back to and trust someone to go back to if they are facing some issues that they can clarify and understand the relationship better is there anything else that's important to you and you would like to share with our viewers yes i just want to share with you was about domestic violence just to let them know there is definitely a serious matter and that we have to have more conversations like this and even in the home we have to get back to the kitchen table and talking about these issues without children so let them know because if we don't give them the tools that they need within aside the household when they go out into the world and have to deal with these things they're not going to know how and i want to hide it from their parents thank you so much for sharing your story and i know it's very hard to open up your heart and your life story to the rest of the world it takes a lot of courage and everything else that you're doing and everything else that you have and they were really admired you and i wish you a lot of luck with your future as well as the foundation