hi i'm carol ricard america's wellness embassador and i'm joined today by my co host slash guest angel quarterly buck who is known as the pain detective and we have julie maddox who is also known as the wellness coach welcome back ladies any case is your first time to get into well you show basically the three of us are here just to really try to give people the tools to live well on the entire secret because i used to teach him for twenty five years in the your show on pushing your buttons right that seems like ages ago yeah yeah and so that's what we're actually going to do but before we do i gotta tell you all the story true story all right because it really has to do with buttons when my brother and i got him to come out a couple times but the point wasn't at one point he never came out we rang the doorbell and he just didn't open the door and guess what we left because we weren't getting the response time we wanted to and so i think of buttons a lot the same way emotional buttons and in fact you know we have our button here that actually i was looking for a button and i was going to get an easy button but staples didn't have any more so know this is going to be better so so so that's what we're going to do and talk about today and i actually have a worksheet did i used to use in the hospital and i brought that for you ladies and people after show will know what they want to be able to get once i want to give this to you and the kind of the whole idea with these buttons right it says there's nothing more annoying than having one of your neighborhood kids constantly bringing your doorbell says after repeated attempts to stop and there's only one thing left to do disconnect the wiring because if we can't go into that mains doorbell and ringing a bell i just think that would be really annoying you know because you have to listen to it and if i was in that situation what i w done is just you know disconnected the wiring so that when you push the button you don't get a doorbell and so when you think about motions that's what i want you to think about all right i'm sorry to share some yes like today so i'm working  from my home and and the person that came for treatment was at their car was that toward the end of the driveway and i see two people coming up the walkway dressed in a suit a hat and the like and i have a feeling i know what this is this is about they're going to preach yeah and and you know kind of felt like anxious like all the proper thing to do is to go to the door doorbell ringing and yeah you know and honestly so here's i think a lot of people i work with think is that well you got to get the other person to stop pushing a button but here's the truth nobody has that power over us unless we give it to i say it's like if you're driving down a road and you hand over the steering wheel to the side passenger once you give up the steering wheel guess what you're in trouble and we never do that with the steering wheel and so we don't we need to not do that with our emotions too you know and sometimes that's really hard for people to wrap their head around that you guys don't make me mad you know it's my response to you that i need to work on and i need to change that to be able to figure out who and what it gets pushed right but i find out that sometimes it's a legal easier to brainstorm ok so so here's what we're going to do we're just going to come up with kind of like the feelings what feelings do get pushed cause the button is the emotional button so i want to give you a good one all right i want to say the first one you know i'm all right up here this people in your lives what do they do how does it leave you feeling well you mean that they're intentionally doing this to make you angry or could be absolutely yeah a e you guys are all moms i know moms have to fuel this one what about  to watch out for when you're around certain people because you know they know how to push them but any others come up feelings it kind of whatever word you can use and i guess there's no right or wrong ways to do it it's honestly i think this falls into not listening to too but the person doesn't think you know you're talking about yeah they're an expert you're and i'm not s that that's a that's another really powerful kind of feeling you know that somebody could say one thing to you you know and it may be you kind of that hurt button gets pushed because they say to you well i think kind of hurt goes no not one word these are the buttons so the buttons can be one word two words three words it might even be a whole sentence you know that you end up feeling you know i had something else i just lost him act in a second  but but these you know are should i guess is to me he's a really powerful emotions you know and i don't know if you guys know this about button pushers but the people closest to you are usually the best at it because they no business right am i right all right so so it was hard to come back to this in and the reason i say this is just to give you guys and some ideas you know rather than saying oh i gotta think of this all my own because i the reason i don't do a show with you on this because there's power there's you could do this is one person but imagine if the power of all three of us come up with all these ideas so and  oh i just thought of one other i guess because i felt that before in the past embarrassed like like people kind of like purposely trying to kind of make you you embarrassed you know and that's the idea sometimes button's you brought up a really good point and you should do people purposely push your buttons and sometimes people do sometimes they don't sometimes it's our kind of response and it's more what we're struggling with and what they're kind of bringing to the conversation that makes sense and because it's definitely something when people really really really don't know what buttons to push for you and that one is people usually in your family closest to you now here's the next part of our work so we had one column that says you know what button gets of you know we kind of got to modify that so here's here's what we can come up with because we're doing this publicly and i don't want anything you all say on this to come back and b i'm sure there was a wife if you know that actually in all fairness i don't want husbands to feel like they're getting beat up on so i will say well we're going to put wives up here too  but you know yes can you think anybody else in just right here is adult because i want to look back a little bit is going through your life you know because it may not be somebody that's right here immediately in your environment but they could be like a deceiving a distant relative you know who you haven't seen for five years but every time you see them they kind of try to push their buttons you know and on yeah all right so and mean health care because you don't always see a doctor you might be a physician's assistant or so i was going to put a put h c for health care you know just health care personnel were right health care or a health care  peeves right and it's one person's pet peeve was the person at the grocery line who has you know like twenty five items and it says ten are awesome and i was just thinking about like a retail oh wait this one retail appear too because i think that's kind of it's not just a salesperson but i could be in a retail situation oh how about drivers oh that is another  idea so the idea in doing this you know is that we're here and we want to capture our ideas so that we can share them for anybody who's watching because if i was  clip board here's a piece of paper now think about who pushes your buttons and what buttons get pushed you might come up with one or two looking at that piece of paper and so what i found this is a really effective way and in itself is a tool brainstorming that a good idea problem solved so i have this special way of solving a problem you have to do we can do that is one ok and it involves the acronym solve ok so but you know we come up with these great ideas and then i'm going to have you guys will connect the dots so right now what we're doing is just creating the dots and it's helping people connect the dots  driver it is good and you know what else came to mind no because it's happened to me is passengers and yes people commenting on your driving  definitely and for those of us who don't have any children it's pets yes oh yeah and again i don't think my pet is intentionally pushing my buttons but certainly when he stops and starts barking nonstop guess what yeah the i that's my reaction that comes up to absolutely but so this was not a pet but we've had some problems with mice recently they oh my god i had they were covered in lots of i mean and we've gone all these years without it and then so i bought this like nice kind of humane money ketchum and so i would catch him and then i would take him out to the woods and i were that i'm going to come back i swear to god pushed and it doesn't have to be one word we got a failure i just thought of another word not me personally but it actually and it kind of goes with this incompetent but i'm thinking of people in my groups and i had this one guy who said you know his sisters kind of liked getting him to feel this way and honestly it was kind of sad when he thought that way but he was a really stupid you know he really felt like he was but it wasn't so we got we got some we got some emotions that are we have come up with the button pushers and again intentionally not intentionally but just a really good and here's the thing it could be people you  could be people you don't know who it could be people or i just thought of one accidently i mean not in a bad way but they push the anxiety but so for me the button would be anxiety so it's more of a worry anxiety feeling what's the old wiring for you what happens so you when you get angry or when a husband pushes whatever button that is what do you do well what i would have done then if we are getting dangerous but you know to like to dance or to dance remember when i think i've talked about this before where if this person goes here and then we go here and in a go here and there call it the dance because it just starts to engage is you engage with and you accept the invitation but at the you know i didn't think i really dating i was just like really was an intern right i wanted understanding but it was engaging it was yes well let's put that up there push for an answer because i think that's a another possibility i mean and again i think the more the more kind it what have to tell you when you push so here's what i like to do s another kind of thing are would when this myth being similar to not feeling knowledge the same thing yeah yeah it could be you know i mean i think it's however that word fitted because all of us may not feel the same thing about one particular word or you know for somebody that shuts down that shut down word could be you know i'll talk in a way for a week but for somebody else it might be ten minutes or i just  us too that we notice what our reaction is the old wiring so so i want one line up here because one of my all my wirings was migraines might be you know the response i have and i know that i've heard other people and i want to put this because i think this is a really important one that at least in you know the hospital settings we talk a lot about but people like me shut down but even kind of like that self harm so you know   want my pants does it mean i don't already so but to me even could be that old behavior of eating or drinking or smoking more or you know and i think that's what i put under self harm is that when we kind of do things we know weren't good for us that you know that's the response that we have that makes sense makes sense so mark all right so good we've got one more piece of paper one more step now we want to brainstorming this is what's the last one so this is the old because that's the work that we have to do coming up with something else and have a plan in place so that when that button gets pushed we don't like the echo the off ramp kind of go over that way so over the shows we've done we've come up with things for what what's one thing you said one thing already and you said talk and talk to someone about it and that's really important you know so that you don't shut down but you i have so many situations that i'm trying to pick one and go give us all of them there was one person that i brought up in one of the shows that was would say can you talk now and then you know and i would push my button and i you know what we still like right because i don't want it done to me when somebody doesn't respond that you know that i would talk now and i had to do it repeatedly and and and i felt bad but at the same time i felt stronger but i yeah yeah you know the i want to get the three words up here that you said because we had a couple  to get some more up here let's put tough love up here that you know but you gotta kind of talk to yourself that way and kind of i think it's kind of talking yourself down a little bit so i just add because it reminds me of your books selfless and just like thinking of myself that's what selfness us here yeah so that you can kind of take and i want you ladies to kind of now that you have it to do it i want to thank my guests last co hosts for being here again i think you know i think the show possible and and you know we have th information for you where you can get your worksheets in if you want to send me a question and here's to living well today