am carol ricard and welcome to the well you show i want to introduce my co hosts we have angel torture you embark also known as the pain detective and julie maddox noticed the well this coach detractor home yep injury prevention it is it is so in case you're first time tuning into well you show just a teeny little bit about it we have been doing the show now for almost two years i think and it started because i spent twenty five years working in hospitals teaching people how to live well and the goal was to really bring those tools that message to people and these ladies so graciously volunteered well that helps us into hero and so you've been here ever since so you went from guest to co host and it was actually an idea that we talked about it what we're going to do today for our for show and it was around that to come over that you know somebody did and i i just always talked about the old tapes you know that we had these all take to play in our head from when we were little kids we don't even remember quite honestly and we were talking about to self esteem for our health just for anything you know to get those out of our head so that they're not working against us trying to do what we want to be and i shared with you all what i used to do in a hospital and that's what brought us to whole bunch of stuff here but this this is kind of what i had sent the ladies a little earlier in the week just to get you guys thinking about what are some of the old negative messages that still haunt you and  they kind of came in with some ideas because i knew if i sprung this on you know your brain would go what i like it wouldn't come up but here's what we're going to do give them of the other work and all these worksheets will be up at the website you'll see where but we have a cassette tape push i don't know what this is all old form of music you still have around and so what we're going to do is i want to ask you ladies we're going to do one for you and one for you and what i want to start with is as your writing style is say it to me and i'll write her on a board also that this way if somebody else is kind of like oh because here is the thing about a group giving people a way to maybe see it too if you wanted anywhere i heard anywhere on there anywhere on there for so full first step if you're going to do this in home is first step is you want to print out this old tapes paper that's going to be around and then the old crap that still comes up for you when you go to do something that's step one so that we're taking care of stuff in one show how about angel can you give me one of your things we've got to get rid of not smart enough yet and think of these is messages that we were maybe given it some points in our lives by wasn't just family it could have been you know it's cool coworkers and you said not smart don't want to you know you don't have to put that on your paper ok so no you don't have to write it down all i want you to write down on your old tapes unless of course you want to which i did have one woman in our women's trauma program and she actually when we get to step child and he's hearing these messages yeah like you know look so not that these mess but these are messages that have had people tell me over the twenty five years you know oh look at her you need to put her on a diet and  know like five years old or you know why don't you do something about that or you're getting a little chunky or getting a little heavy in all these negative messages about we know and it's in it's really important because to parents today i want to send a message to that we be really careful what we say to kids and even if you think that not paying attention trust me they're paying attention but yeah or even by your behavior that he has absolutely a young man it was a man actually that i worked with who and it wasn't his parents although i actually have worked with people whose you know parents have said that kind of stuff to do but this was a sister's just kept telling him it over and the worst part about it why we're doing this show is because he believed it all in like he grew up believing this is the belief that he held onto and comes to find out he was super smart but he always thought that he was stupid and so he never would like kind of did well in school but he really it was just his operating system was screwed up by long ago did they do experiment experiment in school  where yes ok so you know what you want to talk about experiment i think you're talking about and actually there's a great book tell you all about and tell anybody watching us about it's called mind set by carol dweck and she's a psychologist and she teaches somewhere maybe at stanford this book is about when you either have a growth mindset or a fixed mindset and the growth mindset is that we can we can do anything we can learn new things we aren't what we are the fixed mindset is you are a good student if you fail you fail you know like there's one you're either it or you're not and what happens is that the fixed mindset people in the in school far as grades when and told them that they were the highest ranked and then they took the kids that were the highest and told them they were the lowest and just watched what happened when they had those labels  recommend it it helps us adults to case we grew up with this idea of rigid think you know that there's either right or wrong and you read or have this talent or you don't yeah oh they're so talented did you see yeah now you remember ever people making funny a grown up like about this but i think it's different for a girl yeah my son had a problem but i remember when i was a little you know trying to hang on you know the swing thinking i'm going to grow  talented but i remember this coach telling me this it was devastating not i don't know maybe five believe it or not it's not an old tape but i'm just thinking of an old message you know  oh that's supposed to be good enough but this was the kicker i wanted to go to the basket i want to go to college and play basketball in college and i remember had this woman who was this famous athlete that somebody my sister worked with knew it so we and where there are played a little one on one with her you know and then afterwards it was you know you're not good enough for division one and i don't so so this is a divert here but but be mindful of our time because we got to finish other things but the divert was if she could have said this to me in a in an encouraging sort of way what she could have said to me is you know what carol you've got a little bit more to work on yeah yeah before you get to division now and i think that the power of word rice's right i want us to also this because that's what we're really talking about here is the power of our words and the power of  now here's step two of this i have old tapes and what we're going to do is easily you can just try your mind to release stuff but i'm a big believer that you've got your left brain your right brain in a before you get your body involved which is god to be the opposite of this message with a new tape ok and your new tape so yeah we can do it together if you want so you don't have to stress yes and she remembers from our positive thinking jumper cables if affirmations something a statement an affirmation has to be present positive and power friends and positive and i'm smart it's not going to be smart and i am smart you know smart enough it is what's right here right now with  said you look great and that's what i would say to you is you take my message to you and or it's either great yeah yeah you know that's because like that because it's the just smarter then it was i think with back in my passive aggressive release when i was kind of trying to get a little begin this is a little big audio so  you know he there when he come up with one for that i mean we can say i'm talented but even if you want to give it a little bit more yeah go yes you know yeah because i'm was oh we're tall enough i am i am marvelous just the way i am you say that you said there's a creep in your head every now and then as an adult i know what you said at the swing but i'm not tall doesn't it doesn't bother me yeah you know it was reason i asked that is because i work with i do trainings at the hospital and we talk about buttons and how patients will try to push people's buttons and i had a woman i didn't have short on my list and she put being short because for her i was a real button that the patients you know would comment on her height and because she felt so in secure about it she'd have to just kind of be careful because it was a real buy for but i wondered if you know no more than that when people say because i feel like i have a big heart when people we say to back to your too sensitive just so you anchored in your mind that you know you were good like the new tape i don't know that we would use that word because it's still sensory i  their word but it is for you it's really about compassion you know and caring yeah compassion and in caring human being i think that's the other thing when i hear that word insensitive you know like the flipside of that is well yeah because you don't care about crap  that because i don't i don't still have to do it right now but if it was still like if i was playing basketball that came into my life today you know i'd say well listen i am good enough to gotten a scholarship which is really in i'm actually i could use leave it as i'm good enough yeah yeah yeah yeah you know and i think that actually there are a lot of people that struggle with this not good enough with all these i mean i think that so so so step one if you think about this step one is you make your list and that's why i showed hey get as it you guys that one piece of paper the old tapes because i really want people to see ink this out first and where it came from if there is somebody you know like with this patient he knew it was his sister's was it his mom was it is dad it was his sisters where this all came from so this is step one and then they're going to add it up carol they can just like note now and then i'm going to have up there step two which i always got rid of my our old tapes and i actually have an old tape that will be up there for people so i want them to transfer what they wrote on to the old tape to be safe i don't want anybody getting hurt in this process and then once the old tape is smashed then what we do is we write a new tape and we put that on and the other thing i want to include up there would you ladies already have this is really this list of positive affirmations you know because i think sometimes when your brain is stuck on the negative it might be hard to come up with some positive li go hope it serves you well and catch us on the next show thanks