case this is your first time to any of the well you show which really started a couple years ago to give people the tools so they could live well and for me that's been teaching in the hospitals and these ladies started out i guests and then they just found their permanent place here that's it's true they will leave make the show work i mean i can be standing up here talking to myself i don't always tell them what they're doing and i didn't tell you all other than i coffee and give you a coffee and i'm going to ask this to each just take apart and read out loud so i want you to be on the part that says the whole layout and it has the whole of the pa how about you start with chapter one chapter one i walk down the street there is a deep hole in the sidewalk i fall in i am lost i'm helpless it isn't my fault it takes forever to find a way out i walk down the street there's a deep hole in the sidewalk i pretend i don't see it i fall in again i can't believe i'm in the same place but it isn't my fault it still takes a long time to get out three i walk down the same street there's a deep hole in the sidewalk i see it is there i still fall in it's a habit and i know where i am it is my fault and i get out immediately i walk down the same street there is a deep hole in the sidewalk i walk around it and i walk down another street have you guys heard it or yeah i think you mentioned this to us before i could have this is one of my favorite i like it says it comes from a woman by the name of portion  elson and in fact she has a book called there's a hole in my sidewalk she passed away a couple years ago or so but this was something when i started working in behavior health twenty five twenty seven years ago i keep think it's twenty five but it's really been longer that they would kind of says when i was first introduced to it i didn't know there was the lady behind it and i didn't know that the story behind it so let me just tell you the story again and pretend i have told you before but but the story behind this and i heard it from wayne dyer on one of his specials he was talking and he did this same saying this woman went to a crew of writers workshop portia nelson did and at the writer's workshop they gave all the writers five index cards and they were supposed to write their auto biographies on these index cards and he says you know people write really cut it tell you a little you know just trying to make because it wasn't enough space and just kind of people were just turning by using both sides of it and portion elson on the first index wrote down chapter one the julie read on the next and then march she wrote down chapter two on the next index card and so these are the five index cards that she wrote her auto biography and i did hear the story behind it i kind of love that she just kept it simple i love but it really was just the the piece and then  yeah and so this was actually one of the workshops that i used to do with my patients and i loved it because this idea of a whole and how many times in the goal is this is the can we learn from our life experiences even if we repeat something that's ok it's can we alternately though heat from falling in that deep hole and what i was thinking about was just our background as a group  and because we like to focus on health and wellness and even relationships i thought maybe we could just do the exercise part if you turn a page i over there is it asked for so if i was doing this in the hospital what i do is have people work on this for a little bit spend a little time writing you know because writing kind of connection to what's going on but you'll see a number of questionable one is what is a deep hole and it should be a problem behavior specific to you and it could be they give examples for this but i was thinking about have you had any holes kind of in your own life i'm climb it out quickly yeah but and and at one point in time and i don't know if this was the case for you think about habits what have been some healthy habits that have been so hard for you that like to eat more yeah yeah so how about this what if we wrote eat healthier because i think fat is lego really i think that people watching our show that that's a really pretty common behavior that people say oh i want to do it but don't seem to get it done right all right i was actually in the same area for me and eating well and eating healthier and being gentle i find that people just can't get find the time to exercise or i was i just that's one that i was thinking of because i think about i think about habits people want of work through them because that to me is the whole idea is if we can introduce this process to people from how do you keep from fall in how do you move to the next chapter and and we've done that in our lives i know in certain areas i'm just thinking about in the time that i've known you how you've changed in grown and even you see more of a self be more assertive ye even what you said before about not like not talking about stuff because you don't want to fuel it yeah you know and so here's what i want to say  list so now we're going to kind of work through them a little because i want people to understand how they can kind of help themselves get past that point now it to you want to tell about your chapter your explain how you found your way out yeah well interesting so how did you find your way out of negative self talk i think i kept falling in a hole and going down that beautiful road and and i kept telling myself you know you're doing it again you're you're on this beautiful you're not going to train and so i i kept falling in a hole and then i can't tell you exactly when it shifted you know maybe i maybe i did less self talk it was like yes you know you let her mentally kind of i didn't do it all or nothing right for that yeah for that whole walk it wasn't all negative arika all right because i caught myself so yeah so we're going to flip back and forth between papers but i think here's what i want to point out is it was you he came and i think this is really important you became aware yeah and that's how we become aware is you actively work at recognizing existence that's a work tool because it's work and it's work to kind of catch yourselves they are doing it again and then the other thing that we're working on changing and kind of continuing to fall in those holes is something that you said don't give up i like exactly or the word with i i had three ideas for what we were going to do for the show and honestly will do well we just won't so yeah i think that's a million really important stuff is because here's the thing if you can become aware that you're in a hole and i think that's where i'm at with my stressing you know i'm even becoming  them and the whole i know like like i'm having to go to the store and actually buy like i went to this oh my god i was horrible horrible last week and i think this is a step that we can do is to identify the negative you know consequences yeah and and sometimes we're reminded you know you might be started that talk then and all of a sudden the talk then this well that's when the pain starts to kick up liz it when you go to this spot in your head as opposed to this place so the negative consequence might be more pain  and luckily for me what i've learned was that as a dad older my body does not like things the same way as i can eat bread i mean just all my god my my intestines just do not like bread anymore and so the good part about the muffin was that i got real hard cut that we're still making in stomach pain so when my head goes there think what happens is people become more aware that they kind of become aware sooner so that your less you know negatives it's less negative more positive yeah it's less yeses and maybe i sneak in one no or maybe t and i think because i was thinking of you carol with this situation with you know the health situation and and i think that you know i can't i've been taking all the steps i can on my own and i feel proud of that yeah i've really been so then it's like ok after you've done as much as you can on your own then what yeah that then sometimes you don't look you got it investigate you go to open to change because if you're not open then you're going to keep falling in that hole every single time i've had some great coaches and they had to reach me because i'm a quiet person and i mean i could really write a whole book on the great opportunities i have had starting in my junior college with a professor and taking me through this you know long journey in a couple coaches that i worked with recently you know so i totally appreciate that i totally know to be open to be like me but you also just said something that's really important another show i had mentioned jack canfield right you know i had a fantastic opportunity to go to one of his live workshops and you know had some life shaping moments but also for me ah this can be books oh yeah it doesn't have to be people be other people that experienced it kind of going through that with you i mean we could call it could be a coach i know somebody goes to a fitness center now i don't know what it is just a personal trainer there but she's just started to get better at wasn't an exercise or it all you know and i know you had as close as the library and you loan me those c d s that was and that was somebody else you know like i'm always looking for those opportunities what kind learned you know and and i think we see be open coaching what i guess is let's put that word up here to learn you know because i think that's the thing that we can do because sometimes people keep falling in a hole because they just don't know how to not and if you don't have resources to hire a life coach or anybody like that that the way to learn it is to go to the library more even now little x ray you know like ten dollars off it i ordered so i order to two kind of learning set so i also have to be careful because that can be my overindulgence sometimes it used to be like oh this is good and you get this you know we like somebody with clothes i could beat out with like learning all right but it was hypnosis it was all about that you know hypnosis and i'm bummed that it doesn't work like i want i want  ese are great store owners to how do we keep from falling into a hole and then the other thing that's probably more will come up with but yeah support that kino only person no way like if you have this if you're not the only person and being around somebody and that's who i think whatever your health issue i've got to tell you all this story but i'm going to tell it to you now all right because it kind of has to do with support and what we're talking about i had a coworker who a capital health and i didn't work her all too long but she was one of my employees there are coworkers and i see a cancer like several times like she's a cancer survivor several times but this last time she actually had to stop or i mean it really was bad so i saw her a week ago and she said back in february she'd had a pet scan and she said it would be easier to tell you she said the cancer was throughout her body it would have been easier to tell you where it was it she the doctor want her oh here's another one advocate the doctor want her to go on this medicine the doctor but she had been part of some support group she'd kind of been kind a part using her spirituality greatly and she was like well you know i don't want to go on that medicine because she knew what some of the side effects were so she did immunotherapy so they did the other thing she had a pet scan and repeated in june the thing well so guy thing  now she was crediting the immunotherapy but i was also telling her that she put herself in a position to be able to receive that yeah because she you advised a great deal of support and she also had what we were talking about in our other show was attitude and the direction that she kept focusing was wellness and i think that applies here to the whole that and are think it is this is it oh i was right here hold for no better word i'm going to say the goal i hold the goal hold on to that let eat that your usually go someplace really cool where we can come up with some useful information to do a risk glancing over this and wondering as you've even been how successful in your own lives actually routine part of your routine you know the self talk would be to go some place peaceful your peaceful plains and that you made that be a part of your day regardless but you know my guess is you've got even when you're busy it got so important that you haven't figured out yet exactly when that's another one you guys in done and me too or it was raining i just i have a long driveway maybe not as long as yours i don't know you know so i'm like well i'm getting out of the house but also out right up and down the driveway going to the mission and when he would come in he he would in group therapy we started out with you know how you feeling so just put one word to your feeling and his was grateful grateful to have the mission and i just thought to myself this is great this is i wasn't quite sure how we were going to go with this but what i want to do is type this stuff up so people can have this so those are watching the show kind of can and the credits to kind of see where to go get this so i just want to say thank you thank you thank you oh and thank you for joining in here still living well today