to bear in mind is that it's not just our generation that goes through next chapter it's everybody it's him being that it can be applied i have it but i mean i've talked to so many women mid forty's you know they're well established their career financially but they say i feel like i'm having a midlife crisis because i feel they still have lost the sense of who they are and what i think deep down inside they really want to do right they will stop yes financially they're in a great position you know we have kids going to college whatever whatever but i always say to them prepare now right or wrong right off and a sense you know you're not going to all be in this point in your life so start preparing now correct and doing the things you need to do what you want to do for and the successes and the challenges so give us a little bit of you know rhonda how you got to this point today ok so today i am currently a small business owner i am a marketing brand strategist in the digital space so digital social media marketing strategy i got here in a very i'd like to say non linear and you know i  would call it nothing short of turbulent times and very eyeopening and i think my the greatest most proud aspect of who i feel i am today is that i've returned to myself i don't feel as if the person or myself that i lost over the years is still missing right i feel like i've found that person again and as jackie mentioned and in her introduction for the show many women do feel that they've lost their sense of self and they do so when they're consumed by work props being a parent right and other things and then suddenly they're like i'm here and i i don't want to be here but i don't quite know where to turn and then you're consumed by fear feeling uninformed perhaps not having a network to support you and you end up feeling lost so you know how do you you know get a flashlight and find your way through here out of darkness right so i'd like to say career wise i have a extremely versatile resume that makes little sense to many people i have a degree in elementary education i was a live television producer for twelve years and turns it into the pharmaceutical industry medical communication and and then essentially you know being a brand strategist in highly regulated industry get there and i was like you know it's it's not a matter of really a roadmap that i could've mapped out i'm going to do a b and c but i had to respond and appropriately to circumstances in which i was presented and at every point of time that i can mark as a moment in time a micro moment that i remember vividly in which i was totally consumed by fear and you know worried beyond belief i i made it through yeah and yeah on the other side as a crew i did a lot i worry about what you think when you're ready to take that step even if there is no ladder yeah this step shows up not i think the thing is when you said you look back and the ending and that's what i say to myself i'm still standing yes she she said one thing that i just kind of hit me when you said i think i feel like i myself and i was thinking about that actually last night you know we do that little oprah meditation is something i wanted to meditations for this mom whatever i remember just saying thank you because i realize that i am doing what i love doing it's not of being there and you know the little things that you have you know i'm not but if something satisfying  bring out a part of me that is creative is i'm doing and i just you know thank you because i did beautiful thing for many many years i never felt that i felt that i was the job it was the kids it was this absolutely i couldn't agree more i feel like to your point you know you felt like you were constantly doing something and i feel like we have these scripts yet that we create a very young age for what we're supposed to be what the world tells us we're supposed to be right side he tells us we're supposed to be and subconsciously we're fulfilling these mental scripts i'm supposed to be a top performer in a company x i'm supposed to be the mom who can do it all yeah only be able to sleep five hours and yet be able to also fly right yeah you know right and you know those things the scripts that we have when we  start to fill them they then impact how we feel about ourselves and legally trying we only have to try harder yet to try harder and if we don't scale back and say let me think about why i feel like i'm failing and really am i really failing write you know my failing or my answering to a script that isn't accurate for me now and that's something for me that it took many many rounds of you know transitional revel in the the feeling of fear now i love it when i was you know there's something good at the end of it like that's how you grow i love you thinking you know what am i going to learn today that i didn't know what do i not know that i don't know yet because when wanted to know everything was you know tightly packaged in this place of success it's going to be ok everything's ok and letting go of that was so we were doing yeah right and you know i i'm fortunate enough to have a great network of friends who challenge me during these times you know you have some friends who come for you the other friends that challenge you i have one friend in particular who i've known for ten plus years almost fifteen and he just refuses to let me ever think that i'm stuck and he's challenged me to think outside of myself so you know we've really conditioned ourselves to do this mind mapping exercise so it's like i'm i'm here in this place of fear but why write what is where does this originate i map this back to a certain point in time and then essentially it reveals a script i think telling myself to consciously that is an know it's not going to be what i really wanted to or it's not going to have that outcome do i want to do it yet or you can't you can't keep saying yes to everything because it doesn't you know it doesn't move you forward on your plan ye absolutely agree and i think when when envisioning your next chapter right for the advice i would have forgive someone would be really like take the time to sit and just be with by yourself right right and really look in the mirror you like it's just take up the things that you want to keep hidden so deeply within you because truly they're part of what makes you think you are and you know what you can honor your shadows and love your darkness as much as your light because we are both we are that are at qana me no matter what no matter what we want to project out to people we we want to be the light but we have to acknowledge that we are imperfect and that it's what makes us human and once we can strip away all very very similar and once we strip that away it's this concept that my friend and i were recently talking about is the return to self it's yeah that's my it's how you were before you were told who to be and that process is it's not an easy one it's not light reading right you have to really dig deep and be like ok i these are shadows i really didn't ever want to not acknowledge or this is an area within myself i really need to work on if i'm going to fulfill my purpose right and do so well and then also just to continuously re evaluate because there will be something new that we learn i right that we had in front of us the whole time as i mentioned earlier but we were unable to see because we didn't know what we didn't know yet correct correct so yeah that's really the stripping that that exterior shell this mold cookiecutter state that you know that we were if you don't do something that scares you every day you're not trying hard enough you know these are things that you know we see around us we don't actually internalize them and accept that that's that's reality yeah fear is actually one of the most beautiful parts of our emotional experience as humans grow so yeah i fear because when you don't feed the fear you really truly understand your own internal right you know right howard and fortitude yeah and  you know as intuitive beings fear of walking down a dark alley is very different than perhaps fear of something trying something new right so weakened accurately discern that so when we have the type of fear that we know we can overcome stepping into that light is something that's very very freeing and i encourage all women to take a moment and really just embrace that i'm as i say i love it because it's just so like you say just sitting and pausing and figuring out who i am i right you know what of what i what do i want to do what i want to be and who do i want to be here for right right you know i think is so important right but ok the next one that i want you to talk about is how important is it to really be flexible about ok so you like you said you couldn't really plan for how your life folded to this point but if that's the case but you still have to have a plan like what are some of those things that you should be still open to and be flexible and just stop and think ok this is showing up and what would you say to that i think flexibility is key and to me that's a frame of mind when i think about a future should plan i don't actually base it subjective and they're also you know circumstantial so truly understanding yourself that's when you really do need to take time regularly to reassess that feeling that you want because if you want to attain a certain position in life because you think this title this position this company this location will bring you a certain feeling or pr be in love and just being you know and every time that i've really just based things on a feeling i want to feel this way i want to feel like what i'm doing is contributing to you know are going to be a lot of steps there for some people might be going back to school but rather that might be finding a mentor for some it may be working for free to apprentice right so those are all wonderful things to do and having flexibility to say you know i can do this apprenticeship i can go back to school but the goal isn't something very very specific but yeah it's a feeling right it's a feeling you want as your next level of enlighten actualization that definitely have to look at those opportunities and then decide is that going to help me you know to get to that next place is that going to make me feel good correct because back to what jackie was saying you know the ability to say no if something doesn't feel right or doesn't feel like it's honoring who you are saying no gracefully yet is actually one of the greatest things you can show to someone else yet how are them to do the same to the same thing because you re right so when you crace fully saying say i'm sorry but no thank you and that is why not just you know no and yet at the last place to let someone truly and honestly with transparency know why you're saying no empowers them to say to think i might be able to say no to say no it didn't make that person feel any less because you did it with thoughtfulness right and grace right you're still thankful and grateful for the opportunity and the request that was you know presented to you but to say no in that in a way that empower someone else to know their own boundaries and limits is it's a gift it's a gift right i salute lee definitely it's a gift  so now we did talk about the vision and the planning right and it's almost like you just mentioned is you're going someplace and there are many routes to get there right but how important do you feel and how what level of detail do you need to have to know what the bigger fish n a is so the bigger vision honestly is your own personal like board of directors you need a board you need a trusted board and counsel so those are your friends your family these are people who who push you to even step outside of yourself right right that's bigger vision itself may not under wraps all while you're sitting home alone you know thinking like i need to math now i need to know you know it's having pointed conversations is being inspired by you know experiences it's allowing yourself to really just be open to receiving you right any type of information you know that feeds your soul and then sparks that creativity love within you because  that vibrational energy of his sins is really what's going to put you on that path of saying ok my big vision is really been inspired by fifteen to twenty different people and i never would have gotten people aren't actually just attacking your thought or or you know the concept they're attacking all of your being because this is something that inside of you is something that you see it's a passionate light and it's for me a solution to help people in a certain way and i think a lot of sometimes people who are than they say are they are the naysayers because you know what they can't see it for themselves because they can't see it for themselves why should why should you do whatever whatever i could never do it so i think a lot of times and we talk about having that support system and that yes our system is a very specific group yes and i always say tell people don't tell everyone droom right you dream and you have to be very selective in the people that you bring into your life and part of your team because some of those people are going to be the people that are going to give you passion was given to you to our us as individuals right and so that's why a lot of times people don't really understand it unless they have been also given their unique gift of that particular part that they're supposed to play in the war but i think people i think everyone is given that unique this is me i think our talents and skills whatever always are clues to our passion but absolute he says ego e g oh edging god out you're putting up a barrier to love and creativity and all the things in our lives that we all strive for and there's a point in time that you realize that those toxic people exist everywhere and identifying them doesn't make you dislike them what it actually does it gives you greater compassion for them because you want them also to be freed from that place of existence when you feed the fear right you will never go beyond that you were remain stagnant in that place ethically exactly so in the couple minutes we have left any any tips on how you can be strategic in the next chapter even though we know that we have to allow it to unfold and it may not on the fold the way our strategy told but what are any any tips that you could share as we wrap up so my first tip is definitely develop a your own board of directors have trusted mentors that act in the way that you admire that you would like to aspire to be make sure that you check in with them frequently and expect tough love from them right yeah you know and i don't really good i don't think tough love is someone not believing in you it's actually them forcing you to tip really would be in that board of directors is also you know once you have those those mentors and you know check in with them frequently also make sure that you're checking in with your self frequently important and i had a few others that were on the tip of my tongue as we were chatting but i did want to i wrote a few down yeah go ahead because there was one that a few things so take the cold bath bravely is one of them you know discomfort is part of life and fear is part of life elevating beyond it is part of your journey that makes you  give yourself the time and space to strip away all of the things that have actually way down are in our core and as you free yourself know that there will be revelations that perhaps aren't as comforting as you were right to be exactly right and that's a great thing and then you know to rise up and show up in your own life you love that truly you know to be a remarkable human being takes courage yeah and it takes time to process which exactly it's not it's not a switch at all and that growth as you mentioned for really happens in these micro moments of our life when we choose not to take the easy route right so really understanding that you know meeting a person in the place that they are currently understand  and understanding that there is you know a certain vision for yourself that you can embrace but the adaptability to adjust accordingly when needed  beautiful but at the end of the day recognize that fear is a liar right fear is not your true self by your mentors turn to them when you need them ask for help yeah and you know take the time with yourself to truly get to the core of your being because when you are living in your light and serving your purpose you will truly fill feel fulfilled but absolutely that he was that will be your alternate indicator that you have strategic another show another show being strategic in your next chapter