here today rachel i skim across this quote and nobody who knows me knows that i love that i felt kind of summarize what we were going to talk about today and it says you hold the key to your  feeling i felt that was so so powerful that we are responsible for our own lives no matter what our path is our walk what challenge we face or face are facing we are still responsible for our lives and so i think that's summarized what we are going to talk about so what do you think about this school from martha back i feel as though sometimes when i get from that is you cannot use life as a crutch your  situations and your life and use it as a reason not to love be empathetic you know everybody goes through things in life and to use life as a crutch is unfair to the people that are around you or that you do claim to love or claim to love you so i think that just opening your heart and not using your situations even though the hardship so hard to get the pain just you can use it as a crutch to not l share with us some rice for us your story in the lowest point in your life give us a little back story coming from a dysfunctional home and being on my own from a young age parental guidance i had friends i had my sisters you know but i did not have parental guidance and i think that's a major restructuring you know structure a foundation things of that nature so i did not have was a blessed with that however  for me so i think on my lowest point my lowest point was probably when i was thirty four years old yeah imagine that because i came from a lot of like domestic violence and i overcame that but then i went into a unhealthy you know motional relationship so was that it was a vicious cycle just dysfunction and i think at thirty four i found myself reverting back to my youth if that makes sense because i became bitter again  y ended up learning how to love because i was bitter when i was younger and so i got to a certain age of embracing ok this is my life and then i then became better again because i wasn't happy with the circumstances i wasn't happy with the outcomes of me stepping out on faith and trying to do my best it just wasn't looking the way i wanted it to look so my god what am i doing you know so i the thing that i got away with when i was younger i didn't get away with this time and there was consequences that came behind that  so but my lowest point was when i had a nervous breakdown and a nervous breakdown came from years of suppression because i never really expressed any to any of my pain people know what what i went through a little bit of my story but i never got into detail and i was very shameful shameful about what i went through so in turn i suppressed a lot of my feelings emotion and i never shared crying was to me weak you know and i just i was on autopilot until i had that nervous breakdown and when i had that nervous breakdown reality hit i need some serious reflecting and i need some change because though i did my best as a parent and though i did my best as a woman and the woman of the house i still found myself in the press of states i still found myself emotionally not being able to express myself correctly i still find myself holding on to all of the burdens of my childhood abandonment issues fear of loss how i can fear of failure you know not really reaching for your goals and trying your best but constantly fearful to do certain things because you just feel that you're going to fail you feel that you're not enough so all of those things wanted me for a very long time so i dealt with insecurity for many years and it was just a again a vicious cycle but when i was i guess i was thirty four i had that i had a low point where i received a d w i and that was my second one and i had to go to a program and things of that nature so what happened to mean for the most part was i was able to identify when i went to this program though i was with a people that were addicted to drugs and though i was around people that had different problems and i we were all the same when we were in that room i was like wait a minute you're not far from me and i'm not far from you so and in the beginning i was like i'm not going to be around this is not kind of you know this is not me and and i was very humbled by sitting and sharing because we were so similar so part of my breakdown people are not even clear hold some of these emotions manifests itself in our lives hold the show up so like for example you mention not being able to communicate well what does that look like when you say you really weren't able to communicate well what does what  exactly neither do i so how could i not i was i preached very well of what i've what was expected but i didn't practice and in turn that it to me was just pain because i needed to be heard i was never heard you know if you didn't listen to me i want to scream over you i was listening was an issue i wanted the last word i didn't know how to close my mouth and open my ears though it's my back against the wall to actually say oh my god you're because how fair is that right like you have to think sometimes accountability and say you know what i'm constantly visiting the same feelings same mannerisms same things you know maybe i need some change you know you can't really constantly point fingers at the world and not look at yourself and put a mirror to your face so it looks like to me it just looks like a form of like you're close to listening to constructive criticism or even just anybody saying something and you're always right you're not open to hearing the problem and looking at yourself and the what it what it feels like is you you have no direction wow you have no direction in which way you just emotionally going and adding the given point you're just expressing yourself emotionally you don't think logically you don't think about you only see really explaining how does it show up in our lives you know so you said you were bottom so how did you how did you get the hook holding her i mean i can't imagine what that was like  don't mean and i always say i was give the glory to god first and foremost of the truth because i stepped out on faith i didn't know what was in front of me i didn't know what was i just wanted to forget what was behind me and i stepped down on faith i  limited anything or anybody that brought me to a place of unhealthy mindset that triggered those emotions i mean you can't run from your children they're going to shrink you've got to fight those you know but any anybody that  not connected to me in that point of understanding that i was trying to grow and i wanted more and i was tired of the fight within myself and within because when you're fighting with yourself you're also fighting everybody around you to prove that you want change you have to show you want something different and some people cannot understand that so i really did step out on faith and i walked away from anything or anybody that that made me feel less than what i wanted learn to be alone i always went from one relationship i've never been single a day in my life until three years ago and that's where i was like i didn't leave a relationship to be with another person and that's how i usually did things i would try to heal through trying to reinvent my life once again and try and so you know say ok well the i'm going to try this way now and i was a big product of conforming  o how do you say to make somebody happy and that was it really make myself happy so and that reflected not just in me it would reflect in your children as well and you don't you don't realize that because you're conforming to what whatever whatever life a person living like with my children's father i conform to his way of life wasn't what i truly wanted when i was not what i liked with and with my you know it was just a constant so i decided to walk away from relationships and finally feel and be alone that's powerful so that's so odd if we have to surround ourselves with with right people supportive people but also we also have to take stock of ourselves and start taking time for me time i call it so that so that we can start getting to know ourselves because what i'm hearing also you're saying a car if i'm wrong is that if you don't know yourself how can you be with someone else because you're or you're going to be on conforming to what they want what is and what is like how could somebody love you if you don't love yourself if you don't love yourself properly nobody's going to know how to love you back and they're just going to go with what you accept you're not and i'm bound to reason and setting anything you know and i'm standard and that was part of what i was my life for so i was used to just going with the flow and not really loving myself enough to set standards and boundaries wow so what would you say today to your younger self listening to the advice of your  only because there was so many so much with them that i had in passing not necessarily somebody that was in my life but in passing i would have a conversation and somebody would always give me a message and i was too ignorant and also i wasn't ready to hear what they were saying and because i knew it all and because i was hurt and because i was bitter and i was confused and i just didn't accept my life as it was because i was hurt so bad so i was it's like you know what you're telling me that you don't even know what i'm feeling you have no clue what i'm feeling and you have absolutely no idea what i've been through and just listen open your mind to try to listen to the  wise and not meaning me i'm saying like elders because even now today i have elders in my life and i think i listen very well to them and i listen to the messages that they sell me and they are they have wisdom comes with experience life experience and anybody that has wisdom has been through life so i always say listen to this wow wow that's powerful so i know you do share with us some of what you have been doing what i do in passing if i see somebody sitting down looking up said i'll try to give them i can hear the work that i do i think needs to be done everywhere and i think that's what lacks today so what i'm meaning empathy understanding relating being transparent one thing about me is i am totally unashamed of the life i lead and what i learned and the lessons that i learned and i speak  unashamed when i do speak to let everybody know you're not alone when you're feeling these feelings you're not going through this pious self you know i know what it is to feel this and know pain is more than the next pain so the work that i do i young people young woman in particle or that some of the emotions some of what you fail some of they're going through some of what you may have experience before and showing up in similar ways in the way that they're expressing themselves and their lives absolutely i when i when i go into some places i speak immediately you know you go in and you can sense the energy it's a guard  she was upset she was enraged prior to me getting there so they had told me you know maybe you don't want to go in there and talk to us and you know what that's not the let me let me go and speak to her so i walked in and when i walked in she's like this so i was saying hey how are you i'm rachel and she looks at me like another one you know because i'm sure she's already been interviewed a couple times and spoken to a sucker a couple times to see where our head is at and i walked in i said listen you don't want to talk to me i said i'm just going to tell you a little bit about myself and then we can go from there i said if you want to share you can share if you don't you know i have to you know i said no pressure i said so i sat down night so i started expressing to her that when i was younger you know i i didn't have the opportunity that i felt that i deserved and i felt like i was cheated in life and i also felt as though why me and i because i was that angry i self mutilated and as soon as i said she showed me you know oh wow wow went over to hug her i'll probably like it i hugged her and she said i don't mean to cry i don't cry she says but i was just having a conversation with one of the counselors and because you know i relate to you she said you broke me down and she cried she cried like a baby she cried like she needed to be cry she cried like i never cried when i was young a wow do you get what i mean she said i cried like that when i was thirty five wow wow she broke down and  she still struggles but she needed that that so relating is extremely important to me and just on a lot of levels you don't have to go through trauma  really you could just go through life right you know i there's some there's some girls that i deal with that are just running wild and they their mom their mom is physically there but emotionally big and war was she knew that physically there but emotionally being in while a death powerful and i have to say that i understand and i can relate to that and when i speak to the girls i always say you know mom doesn't know and the reason being is because at one point i was physically there but emotionally vacant oh wow so i was still able to relate and say you know we only know we can only do what we know exactly and it's a learning experience it doesn't mean that your mother doesn't love you mean and i was a did you ever sit down and talk to mom did you have or her stories and did you ever find out why she's a certain way no i don't and i just try you just never know and god willing that mother's willing enough to open up and that can build some kind of bond and relationship because i think that's very important for parents to be open and transparent with their children if they do come to them with questions wow so wow this is  what do you think as i'm appearing to i'm a parent watching this show and i have a child maybe a son or daughter who is to me out of control what do i hold away from start to even address address that well i'll tell you how i handled my situation because i have a twenty three and a twenty four year old and my son is twenty three and he was most certainly out of control and it soak years for me to realize that it had to do with even though i wasn't that person at that point once upon a time i was that person and i was out of control and once upon a time i was emotionally vacant and and i was there and i was cooking or i was doing something and you come in and i say listen i'm cooking right now get out the kitchen go go find something to do  and on top of my emotional stuff all the stuff that i brushed under the rug and i never addressed all the suppressed these motions dealing with this whatever i'm dealing with that my significant other at the time i'm going through that then my son comes and i'm like please do me a favor go find something to do so i always say in the process of blaming our children and say child is totally out of control i would say reflect and really think about where you're at in motion and mentally spiritually because it does reflect it was reflected in different areas like i said i had changed to do when my back was against the wall and that's when i had no more control and i was like i don't know where to go where to turn and i personally refuse and i don't say that i hear this is my disclaimer i don't say that there's no such thing as chemical imbalance but when you take your child to a doctor and you see that there is no there's no brain waves off on the k g b and they say to you and it's a behavioral disorder i'm not putting my child on medication for behavioral disorder i'm going to work on us and i'm going to do my best there's nothing chemically show me is imbalanced we've got some work to do i have some work to do you know and again to each their own without they do things but i didn't want to i didn't want to i didn't want to use that to shut my son up while so part of it you're right our kids are sponge and they learn from us you know and you're right some of what some of what our kids do is a reflection of still feel i feel it we're not talking about it i'm still you know i'm still doing my best as that it's and little by little depression again it's creeping up on me little by little it's a vicious cycle so it's like ok but a new home a bigger home a nicer home same mannerisms same behaviors exactly now my smite my my son screaming a little louder and you know and my daughter shutting down in a different way so it's like where am i going wrong where am i going wrong and i had to realize it was had a lot to do with me we had so much more that we had here that we didn't get to but i guess we really got to the core of what we really wanted to talk about but  that many of you do not know is that this lady is talented and a writer and speaker and i would like for her would you grace us with one of did me wrong i pray are no ones down for i want the world to win because we all have sinned doesn't make it right but i understand the fight it's ok to fall but try again or you're going to relive a pain that will never end learn about yourself don't worry about others keep close your family like there's no one the stay the course and don't get discovered because the world is live in a different life than what you encourage stay true to yourself don't sacrifice your soul and if someone doesn't get who  them go cry for a minute let your feelings flow realize the one who loves you will never hurt you or abuse you was selfishly think or sit back and watch who think they will do their best to keep you afloat and tell you the things you need to know they will never walk away and i think about you they will never sit back and question your truth they would never not get joy in figuring you out they will never not hear you out so regardless of how you feel no the difference is what in what is real love shouldn't her love should be fair love will make you shine love will never take it your spirit away love only remind you of heaven face love will let you be as long as your true love will make you realize those three words are true will never forget who you are love will never take things too far love will reassure you love would never ignore you love will take its time real love is something beautiful and divine wow that is awesome thank you right that's basically what you're here and i are close with this really quick as i wrote something underneath oh definitely so i wrote so many times i fell in love with the thought of love and so little by little i was taught what love was not she sometimes we think that we should sacrifice our spirit in our hearts for the sake of love i did that so many times in the past i was tired fed up i had to realize if you don't if i don't love myself the way i deserved how could how could i find anyone that would love me the way i deserved so i decided it was time to selflessly fall in love with me and walk away from anything that didn't feel like love or wow so that would be probably in the book that  honest enough to own it and say that i was there but there is still light very severe still a way yes you know thank you so much thank you this was my tired don't use life as a cry thanks again thank you thank you well my viewers we have come to another segment of our show and i really hope that you've got something from this show that