welcome my name is ashley sherman and i am your host and my guest today is david brown jr he is an author of a book called letters for luciana and he's here to talk about that journey welcome thanks so much rob minute talk show so yours is a very compelling story you got married and had a child your wife from this was from another country the relationship reached some stumbling blocks and your wife kidnapped your daughter right and you haven't seen her since that's correct that's that story contains a lifetime of emotions and  all the other things that go along with that so i think what we're going to do is we're going to start with a short clip where at some point you talked about this in a very short time like how this book evolved and then we'll get back to the conversation ok all right  my name is david brown jr and i'm a person i'm a it's a it's a very personal story it's about actually the international adoption while a month old daughter and it took place back in november of two thousand and thirteen she was taken out of the country by her mother my my wife at the time it's a bit of a journal if you will about my experience and really just reflecting back on this awakening and these principles that i just really came to life during that time so when my daughter was abducted you know i wanted to find a way to really connect with her and what i tell is very therapeutic for me was actually would write little notes to just tell her about my  day and i just found it and that just seemed to create this sense of connection between the two of us really the book is about how i would envision her experiencing life right to ask her father one of the things the key things are like that  if she were here with me what i realized as i was writing is that i was really going through this whole awakening process and this i went from be angry and a shame and embarrassment in feeling guilty about my marriage falling apart and really being a part of create this fear that would force my ex wife to make a decision to leave not only to leave but to leave the country right and take my daughter from me i dropped two weeks i had daddy everything is going to be ok and i and i just changed my life it changed my perspective on everything i i had this sense of peace that i had never felt before and in about thirty days i was able to really forgive my wife and so what i realize is that the things that i was learning about myself through this awakening things like you know follow my heart and loving going to conditionally you for giving me great fall we all can benefit from looking at life through a different two different mind so at first glance it was really for me second glance it's time producing it for her and then third that think it's people read the story and really connect with my experiences they will then be able to relate these principles to their own lives and we all deal with that versity and the ebb and flow of life and i think what i've been able to articulate is how we have a choice right how to respond all right oh now we're going to go in there to the detail you know one of the things that was so riveting about the book is you know if i think of someone stealing my child and not seeing them again i think i would go mad and and my thoughts about it would make me go even more mad i don't know how i would cope with it and yet the main theme in your book is that it was a journey that opened you opened your heart up open george intuition and a journey of forgiveness so maybe you can help us understand because most of us do not want to forgive if someone steals our child ninety nine percent of the people that i meet when i tell them my story the first thing they say is i would never do that and so for me it was it was a journey that was happening before the abduction really took place so i was an avid meditator i was getting into this more centered grounded space after the abduction in november two thousand and thirteen all of those negative emotions just surfaced at one time you know there's resentment there was anger frustration because she had left the country and there was no recourse for me legally there was also a sense of hopelessness and so for about two weeks i would write letters to my daughter as a way to connect with her so every day petting her little notes just to tell her that i'm thinking about her and that i love her and that i can't wait to see her again i have to interrupt you here because i think that's really and because again speaking from my own you know thoughts about how it would be for me daughter and i owe my god yeah well part of the thinking was i didn't know when i was going to see or if i was going to see her again so as part of my legacy i'd want her to know whether it's five years from now twenty years from now that i was always thinking about her so for me that was a huge part of the emotional connection was to sit down and write her notes and so i did that for about two weeks and one evening she just showed up to me in a dream and in the dream she was a little bit older so at the time of the abduction she was about eleven months in the dream she was somewhere between three and four and she came to me she walked towards me she hopped up on my lap and she kissed me on the cheek and she said everything's going to be ok daddy and in that moment while i was consciously having this dream something changed i didn't know exactly what it was but i knew that i sensed that something was shifting the next day i couldn't get the dream out of my head i saw visions of my daughter everywhere i went there was a sense of her of her being with me and i really challenge whether it was just a dream or whether i really connected with her on this different level but the most profound thing was all those negative emotions we're gone they were completely gone and they were replaced with this reservoir piece that seemed to really just sit in my stomach and i was like this is interesting like what's going on all of a sudden i'm not thinking about the situation the same way that piece turned into compassion the compassion turn in the forgiveness all of a sudden i'm no longer judging myself for the things that i might have said or might have done that might have led my wife to the time to make this decision because there's a lot of guilt for me well what could i have done differently to prevent this from happening  so eventually as that expanded i then was able to bring my wife into that space with me and all of a sudden when we're talking about an emotional state emotional physical space that's right that's right because there still was no was no communication and so when i brought her into that space i started to see her role differently i start to see myself differently and i was no longer a victim and she was no longer a perpetrator and i had this deeper sense of empathy for the fear that she was feeling or sensing around potentially losing custody of her daughter impotence and being separated from her something that stops you again i mean that's some quantum leap so in the book you talk about how  you know you had been separated and you were talking about divorce and in the heat of the moment you said she said i'm going to you know drag out this process so it'll cost you you know a great job in dollars and in the heat of the moment you said well i'm going to go for full custody of our daughter yeah so for you that was he did the moment that's right for her as you could then look at it in perspective or in a different context it was oh my god he threatened to take my daughter from me now i need to leave the country but again not too many people would be able to take that because there's so much pain involved to letting go and you know i think the dream for me so the very fact that she appeared and it appeared so real and the message was so real i mean it was a gift because as you said then you didn't have to think about it what do i have to do what do i that there was some message there that you could incorporate into your life and and kind of move forward for me it allowed me to completely remove myself from the situation and i found that you know even for the past couple of years since i've been exploring this new version of me sometimes i take a step back and the there are concerns that pop up but i always go back to that dream and that dream always puts me in this very grounded and centered space and i mean look at where i am now two years later my life has changed so drastically in terms of the work that i'm doing and feel like  on this path purposefulness and i realize that that wouldn't happen if this experience didn't take place you know so as i take a look back two years from now it's like wow everything really is going to be ok you know and it's it's just jettisoned me into a completely new space so i have a couple of questions and i know that somehow this lucy and now she just turned three in the member and  now it's jettisoned you and your life path your career path everything say a little bit about that yes so i i grew up in a traditional middle class family education was important i don't know how familiar with delaware but most people work for banks and when i was an undergrad i started working for a bank and did very well moved up the corporate ladder after i got my m b a i left for a couple years and went back and took on a very very senior role and i thought that's what my definition of success was and then i realized as my perspective has changed my definition of success had really changed significantly and so last year in may i chose to walk away from that from that great job the job that i've always wanted i walked away from it and decided to become a coach and decided to really focus on sharing the message of the book and so for me that was really following my heart and leading me down this path of purposefulness and working on crafting my message so this story can be an inspiration for others and i feel like that's why i'm here which just takes it to a whole nother level when you feel like why was i born what am i suppose  every single day that you do not see your daughter and she doesn't have the impact of having you as a father but at the same time to be able to transcend that and see a bigger purpose and even make the day the choice which seems bizarre to most people and to lead a purposeful life i mean you know a gift that came out of all that pain  think one of the things that you and i talked about was that having had the corporate experience knowing how to be successful in corporations and in that world really has served us well because your goal is to take all your transformation and the deeper values and bring it back into corporate america that's right yeah that's right to me that is the ultimate goal as i was writing the book the eight principles first of all i didn't make the principles up i literally got them in meditation i saw them kind of floating on a piece of paper i wrote them down and i came back to them and realized that these principles were were things  was experiencing so deeply during this time separation and so as i'm writing letters to my daughter i realize while this is such a core human sense and an experience that it transcends whatever label you have right and leaders we tend to separate them from everybody else when it comes organizations but at the end of the day who we are as a person personally and professionally the line should be a little more blurred than what they are in my opinion and i well you know i always say to my clients you know no matter where you go there you are and you didn't leave the real you behind you they have left some aspects of you but if you're not satisfied with your experience in life and you feel like you're leaving huge chunks of you behind there's something to take a look at that's right and many of us who work for organizations feel that way every day yeah right there's a lot of dissatisfaction with getting up and going to work every day because you and live your values and still do what you're doing that's right and then bring it to the people who work with you that transformation of the world that's right and i feel like the millennium goals understand that i think so you know which you know organizations are having a hard time acquiring in rate and retaining that particular talent pool and i look at it as as it's an energetic shift in how they how they think about their experience and their life in the type of balance that they want and so what they're doing is they're simply just opting out and saying you know what i'm not going to go work for an organization that is designed to get a very small percentage of people rich because that's not my goal my goal is to do more purposeful work and who have no interest in your level of such a first well there are a lot of emotions when i wrote the entire book but the dedication for me i think the energy of that carries throughout the entire book so it gives people a sense for what the book is about dear lucy a i had a sense of being with us i wrote this book and shared the important message that no one was at fault even though our circumstances are awkward we are all trying to do the very best that we can our lives are constantly changing and rearranging and despite our good intentions we make decisions that create pain for others and ourselves while managing difficulties we often build new strengths through our moment to moment life experiences we learn new ways to more successfully navigate whatever comes next you are full of love and perhaps you are already helping others to understand week by week i will continue to hand write letters to you until we are reunited and this will be especially for you my sweet little baby girl though we are not living together every day i want you to know who i am and who i was when you were born and who i've become since you came into my life writing to you and expressing your heartfelt story is my way of being with you and caring for you i will always be committed to you no matter what happens you my daughter are the truest love i've ever felt i'm always sending you peace and love because you are the center space in my heart it is my deepest desire that we will be reunited far sooner than we think and for far longer than we ever imagined i love you always and forever daddy wow i want you to read the first  i had a sense of being with you as i wrote this book and share the important message that no one was at fault i mean you know just if you can get that talk about the journey to forgiveness  no one was at fault everybody was just doing what in the moment they are and not realizing the impact and we're all driven by different thoughts feelings reactivity  it's so easy to go you did this you did this to me yeah you stole my daughter you deprive me of this and and there's a lot of evidence for that yeah you know but if you continue to hold it in that context then all that comes out of you will be bitterness and anger and resentment that's right yeah and that's not the experience that i want yeah you know no coworker of mine we met for coffee last week and he asked me question about you know when you when you look back at some of the things that you might have said that you might have done would you have done anything differently absolutely right because in that moment that emotion was real how i felt was real now looking back at it two years later i take a different view but i wouldn't want to change the past because then i start getting into potentially regretting some the things that i thought i might have said or done but i've had to let that go as well and really eliminate judgment for much of myself through this process and again you know if we could do just that and forgive ourselves and i you know i think you said it somewhere in your book or maybe in our conversation before the show but those people really are doing the best they can in any given moment doesn't always look good so you know if you look back with some regret like oh i wish i could have been one thing but if you look back and say i was so wrong i did this and you know and they were so wrong it's just hanging on to a battle where the players have left the field but you're stuck with the energy of it yes you know that's right and so in looking back it's always nice to look back and say some lesson i can extract from it but to look back with loading self loading and otherwise it just keeps you in you know driving in there were looking in the rearview mirror yeah yeah absolutely and your point about holding on to the energy is an important one when i think about forgiveness there have been people in my life who i've held onto you know i've had the opportunity forgive them for something and most of us believe that in our everyday life because it's not showing up it's not there but if you were to mention the name of the person who i could have forgiven in the past all of a sudden this happens all of us physiologically something begins to change something begins to shift as you mention that person's name that energy still sitting there you know to your point if i want to move on to continue to be productive to me what's been important is it's consistently have a process to release that energy when i become aware of it and so what are the things that you do i know you say you meditate what else do you do to continually kind of peel away the layers so meditation for me is probably the most significant practice that i do i do about two to three times per day and sometimes it's just for relaxation other times it's really kind of peeling back the onion on things that are coming up you know why do i feel pain today with this particular issue to really try to get answers another another piece it's important to me is reiki i've been a reiki master for about a year now and just bringing in that healing energy to me is extremely therapeutic when there are people in my heart that i sense are struggling they may not have to have this to share with me but maybe they possibly meditation to me also sharing that love and that energy with them is also a very powerful part of my of my everyday practice  you know and for some people that sounds a little airy fairy so but it's interesting because i interviewed this doctor thomas public and he is  a radiation oncologist but he's also a quantum biologist and he you know everything is energy so you know it doesn't stop here we've all said oh bad electrons are really so tiny and moving so quickly that they are pure fields of possibility and how you can change them just by observation and by intention so this these are electron you know that comprise the whole universe and that we can alter them we do offer them and impact them with intention with a pension and and i looked up some where we've got i don't know how many say the figure is three hundred twenty euros after it in our bodies so we can impact all of those and then anything in that radiation and then you know the gates out so i really believe this whole energy thing and i think it's becoming more they lobel in people's consciousness to think about yeah i can do something energetically yeah and actually an intention is one of the principles that i share in the book and as a result of this i've certainly become more mindful of my thoughts and i look at intentions as the fuel for those thoughts and it connects to how we manifest as well so if you think about anything that's ever been created has started with a thought and intention  and that's how we end up in this particular reality yeah you know so just being aware of that again and it's not personal that's right that's right being aware whether you're putting out positive or negative intentions just lawful  so yeah so let's read another eggs are sure one of my my goals for this book is to help people that are dealing with that verse in adversity you know it ranges from internal to global yes and i particularly work with with men around social and cultural adversity and my goal of the book is to is to get people to understand they have a choice and so to me this particular excerpt really explains that  to a degree in amazing ways this painful difficult trauma has served as a catalyst for my awakening and i am profoundly grateful for being able to experience the world through clear eyes and with a more open heart is my highest intention to be open to all possibilities for reuniting with my daughter and to hold a space of compassion for everyone who's been impacted by these traumatic events including jolie through these experiences i've begun to live a new perspective that will hopefully sow seeds of inspiration for others many many people have been will have challenging life situations all equally significant each of us sees and feels through the eyes of self i urge you to be compassionate towards yourself and know that no matter what you  experiencing wanted or unwanted everything can change in an instant in fact it will changes your perspective changes and evolves think of this as the lens of choice you are completely in charge of the manner in which you view your situation and the type of energy you pour into them they are not exclusive to you both your perceptions and emotional energies are projecting into your immediate environment and out to the world really great and you know what's  we don't always feel like we have access to it in the moment and this is not a choice i have no choice here and i hear that a lot of coach but just kind of getting people to the point where they actually realize that it doesn't feel that way but there is access to that that somewhere along the way you can start seeing where you have a choice and then start working as if you do and then start seeing it that way absolutely i talk a little bit about emotions in the awareness chapter and how oftentimes you know we learn to emote and as a result sometimes those emotions carry a so far and we're so stuck in them that the possibly of a twist doesn't even exist yet because we're used to feeling and thinking a certain way when those emotions show role we've taken on or even unconsciously and then we're stuck with the world that's right find it hard to g unfortunately we're at the end of our time i'm really delighted that you came i'm delighted that you're sharing your story with us and i invite people to check out the book you know you may not have the same situation but the lessons are universal absolutely so thank you for being here thanks so much and toss from my name is natasha sherman thank you for joining us