is that which is with john watching that which is presented by m s i the movement of spiritual inner awareness a movement dedicated to awakening the spiritual heart within each of us john rogers the founder and spiritual advisor of m s i  the founder and president of the institute for individual and world peace founder of the heartfelt foundation and other organizations dedicated to improving people's lives john rogers a bestselling author and he has been teaching and conducting seminars for many years right after john rogers speaks we'll tell you how you can obtain more information about  violence isn't something that anybody in this room is going to be exempt from it's just that the person that does the psychic violence is going to report more than the one who it's done towards because it may or may not get through to them now i doubt very much that you've gotten really through to her she'd stop doing what she's doing and i'd suggest that procedure you're doing is inappropriate i walk in the room i just point to the door and i go get outside the dogs i'll get up and go outside because they know that my next move is to pick them up and throw me out side and what i do is i think when they were little and i to not psylocke time so the no i could and that's what's important disciplining somebody is to have them think that you will or you can if they don't think you will or you can then you have to try and they have to try you you should've had to daughter by two knowing that one mom says the terrible twos isn't terrible at all it's really didn't quizzed of time of a child's mind open expanding and they're going to learn the real fast to the next few years more than you're going to learn at your age whatever it that through the years of up to about six or seven she going to be into any and everything she can find and if she's not you're not educating her as a mother and a parent and as a spiritual being you're not allowing her to grow so therefore you should look for that behavior to be appropriate you give her signals we're going play a game honey and here's a signal when you see mom go like this you have to sit and not say a word for five minutes and we'll do this with a lot of people around to see if you can do it and if i do this needle sit down for five minutes you get to lose a toy or something but if i do do that and you sit down and you're quiet for five minutes you will also get something of your choice you understand it it's negotiating behavior because no way you threaten her maker and win because she knows you're not going to apologize for once i discipline my dogs i go outside go all forget it come back inside and see you cannot have her separate herself from her behavior because most adults can't separate themselves from their behavior so when you say it's your behavior i didn't like she goes i am my behavior how else do i know me so she's being conditioned to the world as her whatever she does the world who she is that's going to cause problems of self esteem to run rampant he life but if she knows who she is because of who she is that she does things that's just a plus or minus then she starts to get the value of the beingness of the she is a being that's important and valuable and she's learning how to have talents and abilities work for her she has to have a discussed to her this talent and this ability the way you did that doesn't work when there's these other things going on because i missed what you're trying to tell me  you like to rehearse it so you think you got a better that's fine there's no way anyone's going to start out doing something perfect just the first time i don't i just mistakes are part of how i'm perfect i mean i make them regularly and recover and go on and people say a guy he does real well he makes his mistakes well they aren't mistakes in terms of badness it's just that you now have never had this conversation before so i know how to improve upon it but if i were living with you like your daughter lives with you i would be able to improve upon it because i would watch what but the way the what you're doing from what i gather is that at eight you lose it and let her go you sure of that for got out of her way back off and gone someplace else so you  lose and do number eight on her so she's she sort of knows i do this mom does this she does this i go in here she there comes in and begs for my my hand an apology i got kind of senate give it to her that i feel like she's won a little bit later i'll do it again i see mom counting up she just ate she loses it and killed in the pattern and is teaching a kid how to behave negatively now this may sound like i put you down i just i just think that you're inappropriate communication with her it's inappropriate communication because of appropriate we wouldn't be discussing this would be discussing something else and so i'm saying you think the what you're doing is communicating with her knott's not because you've got to go apologize i'm not saying don't apologize but if you hit a kid for something that is necessary important to do or you yell at him because it's necessary important to do you don't apologize for that this whatever i did went with whatever you did when you do that this goes with that and i want you to sit and think about it for two days if you have to but it's that you feel bad for the situation more than she feels bad for a four year old can't keep her mind attentive to that thing for a long period of time adults rehearse until we get it we can remember for years you people understand we do and it's it's too bad that we don't go forget it he's to have my brother and sister kids come to visit with me and one thing that's really very improper is to have a brother discipline other brothers kids or brother discipline sister port was the stuff i knew they couldn't get to i held him up and let him look into it and my brother such as what to do and i said the stuff lower down you get to put back with a product you put it back because i'm not going to discipline your kid this stuff up here they can't see and i'm going with can really show it to him and then they can get up there they'll hurt themselves and the when they realized they were going to have to do something about it they were more watchful of what the kids were doing i'm not inferring kids are perfect that they don't need discipline but they need an effective one and effective one is when they change their behavior and you can't say you can't go around the house yelling and screaming their kids are going to do that to tell i'm going to go outside to the sidewalk and get the mail while i do that yell and scream and cook oh hey what they do that i'm really serious about that but the kids are  spontaneous and they're explorers and they're curious and they're innocent and they're new and they're vile and this is probably why jesus said suffer the little kids to come to make it such as the kingdom of heaven that we have to be new and exploring and open ventures to find out what it is there isn't a form of innocence or pervades if you see the youngster going to patterns repetitive to be of a certain nature start to look for addictive or allergy patterns in the body or addictive patterns that are coming through genetically you start to look for when these are strange behaviors of the youngster started at the age of tuna for they're still doing it for the shouldn't be doing it psychic violence from a person to another is the in tampa inside if you're yelling at the actually get their attention that's one thing if you're yelling at them to punish them that's that's another thing units to what draft horses what clydesdale is they really pull the budweiser wagon those are called draft horses all those big horses and we have draft horses at the range and so the people are learning how to to drive them not like a car but with brains and what they don't know is that the horse if you make noise like the horse will do different things so because most people do stuff like that you the horse goes next signals what i'm to do so it's like they think what i want to dog i say i call the dog's name he turns around and i tell him so that you give the signal that you want to give not when you think you're giving him being mis to stop the horse hears that does that they don't they get the reins which says i'm in control of you know to make the signal be the signal than follow through with everything and i think i told a seminar about mother who would talk to her child and kids watching t v and she says the child you know dinner is on the table say shut up or i'll be in the kids can't you know shut up they can eat when they're crying and they choke they spit to make a mess so now we've got problems for everybody the next time the kids watching t v they do the whole thing and she goes in picks the kids up says come on now it's time to it loves them all away the table so the kids gets on doesn't know which one to turn to it's mom and mom talk about it or kiss my ass or kiss me on the lips you know which is you going to do and you have to keep the signals real consistent if you want them to be consistent and i'm and consistent is another word of love like persistent so if you say well i'm not going to be persistent in this i say don't start it don't even start if you're not going to be willing to do it and carry through and doing carry through the thing is to advantages every day she's growing so you can learn more this is not going to anything you haven't already gone through so if you sit and watch what you did when you're growing up even a little bit she starts you can just predict the behavior we're doing go careful genetics and then when you realize it's a lot like you you're a little nicer inside towards them about the genetics it's like well she doesn't really know that that's what's pushing her and then you can sit down so when when mommy was at age i used to do that and i got this type of trouble for me later so i was smart and i stop doing it here and i started doing this way and then take the child's attention and move it the way is to crying whatever the method is it must be effect you people understand i'm saying effective not because you yell you told them sobs i mean anything i means nothing and of course every kid's been abused when they stop to think about it and every kid's going to be abused from now on you know if they don't stop to think about it because of who they are and the karma and the relationship sleep around more and and if your understanding about that is i can get married go from here and be an easy that's one thing when he gets forty it's going to be really hard for him to get married because around nineteen or twenty they start looking for a mother when they get see twenty twenty nice change time from him and if they are secure in a certain way of life like thursdays bowling you know and tuesdays this and sundays this is sad is this you only got four days of a marriage because if you get married you start to say well you don't love me because you go do this he's going to say no i love you and i'm going to go do this and you say if you do that you don't love me so he goes and does it then you say see you don't love me so then you shut off the loving you well he doesn't care because that someone that has gone anyway you should not i want your nights then you don't get loving and he just goes  something else anyway that doesn't have me sleeping around but a person who it doesn't want to get married doesn't want to change their pattern of behavior or they want to change the the perception of other people's married so they don't think it's gay longer and a lot of men hide behind women's skirts doesn't change anything third one is it's good for business because both can work and put the men together by the things that neither one can afford separately so i mean there's about  because you don't give up a stab in the back of the people who know how to do it and their friends and every is looking for a stranger even a perfect one so if you stay like a perfect stranger and stay married it's going to be great the mystique of it all so the third quick third point you haven't addressed is are you an easy la for him and he's a pushover so why does he have to buy the coffee to get the milk free you should sit down write out piece of paper here to me is what is a close relationship and really detail about and then get one from him and see if these things match eg a close relationship to him might be at two years after  means and you may say i want you to sit meditate with me goes i'll drink beer you meditate and get a lot closer that way i would find out what it is that is a close relationship i hear people say i want to be closer to you and i tell me is closer going to get less you do think spiritually because you can't camp at five billion people in this room with all the people i know it's impossible but inside very close which is to me is where it counts anyway because this out here changes too fast but do you really want to get married that's that's the big question been married once and so you know what it's like and even though you say listen i marriage doesn't hurt i was married in my early twenty's and five or six years later i divorced he goes  doesn't work so what you're saying to him was i think it'll work because i've had the relationship and i know it can work work didn't if you were still married and also in union this fella fell in love men understand what i'm talking about here women are going well but to me she's trained now she knows how to behave and why is she still married well because she got divorced and look back on it so how she corrected her mistake how she did things wrong correcting mistakes is sure to get married again  is this thing try on air time when you get married you find all sorts of things you do wrong and they have their proof just because you had your sadness good mean anything to me i didn't have it but if you had said you have necklace around your neck oh yeah what he's looking for and what you're looking for might be different things he may be looking at a necklace around your neck and you look at your feelings he will be able to see him he's looking for one thing in a relationship and you're looking for another if you can get him to look at the necklace around your neck and you can see that you're both looking at the same thing but if you look at your feelings and he can't see him how is he to respond i think he knows how you feel because i think you told him but he can't see that i can any number in this room feel the same way about anything we might feel a similar way but not  it may be enough that if you start crying we can all recognize tears but we don't know what caused the tears we may think it sanderson you could be laughing inside and tears are coming from laughter or you could stifle a sneeze or started tears how do we know where you can tell us and then we can decide whether we think that's true you know if you want behavior modification one thing at and you have to answer one question does he love you more than you love him that's a first question if the answer is you love him more than he loves you you're lost most men can tell that the woman is crazy about him or he's a crazy about her than she is about him most people can tell some one of them is in the driver seat in apparently he if you love him enough he's worth waiting for that's something you have to decide whether he's going to get married or not you consider timeline out there in six months nine months eighteen months two years if you don't get marry bam it's over and i will find somebody else and i will say if you can do that right now you should drop him tonight because you don't love him enough anyway so drop him if you can consider an alternative then go out somebody else if you're not i can't there's no doubt i could talk about it re spoiled but i think you're probably more willing to do more now than you were let's say five or six years ago now if you love him go after him if you don't don't bother him go to get somebody else so you're good looking girl you got a lot of nice things about you and there may be a good chance of what you want you won't get but you get a lot of it and there may not be this person you with that might be somebody else who will look at you and say you're the one they've been after all their life so i would take a piece of paper and i would write start write down on the things that i'm interested in in a man and and with that i say if i'm interested in a family having children against like what what would i want my kids have had a son what do i see him doing if i have a daughter what do i see her doing well the dad is going to a lot of the things that you would do the sun's going to a lot of things that the father does and so you're starting to delineate many things that a lot of things are dropping away immediately see all sudden the thought of a husband left real fast because i had you on a child a daughter and  is gone and i'm saying here's how you get married you get you say if i want this so that's one way if you say i really want to be married to a doctor so the case i get sick you can take care of me  say here's how you do that you go down to one the biggest hospitals and you volunteer to work with a resident or in terms yes and you're going to pick one up before he's picked out do you know why a lot of nurses marry doctors there yeah come the drug on your mind bam bam bam bam and she's the best around he goes i'll get married with you and make my life as a doctor easier boy and him for surprised if you say well i want to marry a guy who's into the arts and who likes bowling and sort of it more is interested more in the outdoor things than my god i don't go look for him in a school librarians job because you go be indoors with books but you'd go down join the local yacht club as a waitress serving tables if you can join another way in other words you got to get in right where you set out from your car just getting up just sitting around there reading books or studying or sitting on the hood you got to be there now last time i told a girl this she said well i'm really interested in winter sports and outdoor sports i go i said what do you spend your travelling to the different sort resources she went to so i said all you do is travel around and you talk to the men of the different resorts and part of a conversation is what resorts you like to go to that you've been to that i might like to go to and so they started rattling off the resources of how long were you there and they're there and they're there and they're in baghdad if she didn't find the guy because they start talking show i've been there and they talk of that they both knew they'd been there she knew it took me to be there to do this so she john rogers closing words we're bayrou space in which means the blessings already are the blessings the ideas and the concepts which you've heard are just a small part of the abundance of material john roger has shared with us over the years if you would like a free book by john roger journey of a soul call this number one eight hundred eight nine nine two six six five you can send e mail to service desk at m s i a dot o r gene or right to that which is post office box five one three nine three five los angeles california zip code nine zero zero five one dash one nine three five this has been that which is with john roger thanks for joining us