welcome to new beginnings with care and where we celebrate the creativity courage and wisdom of people creating change we highlight those who charge you pass a new life and career choices and face turning points welcome to new beginnings with karen delk and i am so pleased to have joining me today diane some of it who is the founder and president of b w nice which stands for business women networking involvement in education and charity i love that and i think i reversed the letter is that ok it involving charity and education it so tell me about that title because that title really suggests the whole person for getting together but also giving back and informing or educating yes thank you karen and it is a mouthful this is say so so in order to the whole premise behind b w nice the whole model is to bring women together we want to network but we want to tie it with charitable outreach so in order to do that you know we wanted a name you know synonymous with charitable outreach with networking with business and we put it out there at the first meeting or put it out there let's get some ideas of how how or what our name should be we came up w nice and nice stands for of course nice to know we want to do good things were nice people we want to welcome it's a welcoming word we we enjoy each other's company it's warm friendly but that's how we decided and  came up with that acronym and it came up with a business women networking involving charity and education specifically that's what we do so we're there to educate and empower where they are to help each other at our monthly meetings help each other grow a business or grow personally and professionally but then the greater good is to give back in the community so it all ties nicely so yes it is a mouthful but it certainly defines us  in such a way that everyone knows exactly what we're doing what we're about what our mission is and our cause yeah so the women that you are attracting are the business women do they have to be business women or is it open to a larger network of women it really is open to a larger network of women we welcome all women in business we don't limit it to one person per profession but we also open it up to women in transition and quite frankly any woman that would like to come and participate or join or be part of the organization and be part of the charity side we absolutely do welcome so we essential we open it up to all women wonderful and when you say women in transition what do you mean by transition they could be in transition in their job in their life they may be in a situation where they've come out of domestic violence situation and are getting back on their feet and ready to move forward so when we say transition we mean any woman that you know may be going through something in her life and looking for the next step or the next chapter in her life and we want to welcome them as well because that's a great place to be with  another group of dynamic women business women who can help and maybe got give them guidance or an opportunity that they may not be aware of right so the women who are going through kind of domestic violence help me with the link there because some of our audience may not see that link it may not be what is straight line does it what you're saying it right so well when you look at this to to six of of domestic violence one out of four women in the united states will be a victim at some point in their life those are staggering wow but back up a little bit so you we have all these women participating in our organization and our charity strikes a chord with them some directly some indirectly so many women  may be in a situation or are many have come forth because they come to our meetings and we do educate about that and realize that they are in a situation and they need help not everybody needs to go to a safe house but they may need counseling or some kind of legal advocacy or maybe in a situation where they're trying to figure things out because they realize something is not right in their relationship or it may be unhealthy or again transitioning out of that and getting back on their feet and i can tell you so many women that come to beat up you nice wonderful dynamic professional women if you looked at them you would never know that they have a story may any of them have and of course again going back to the statistics that i mentioned so these women that may come in maybe in transition and say you know what i'm finally getting back on my feet i've started a new career or whatever their story is and they're free to share we want them to share we know that it's ok and that we welcome them as well and it doesn't really matter we all are significant we all bring something to the table we can all help each other and more importantly we can help those that are still in need you know so these women who are professional are they hiding it or i'm sure there's a multitude but i hear you saying some women may not even realize yes that there's some emotional psychological i would think they know physical but right  it's sounds like it's a multitude of ways that women may be facing obstacles correct in their personal or their work life absolutely and domestic violence comes in  many it's not just the physical there are many forms so there's the physical obviously which most people know about but there's the verbal abuse there's emotional there's financials there's there's many components to it and what i have seen and witnessed since i launched v w nice through our meetings is i've witnessed women at the meetings or at an end of a meeting have a revelation or a penny or something and will sit there and some women actually sitting there crying and realizing that they have a problem or a concern or an issue a challenge and asked for help from the agency so we always have our charity partner and a local domestic violence agency that's partnered with each of our chapters we always have representation at our monthly breakfast meetings and educate us and tell us what's going on and i have again personally witnessed and seen many women who have come forward and said you know what i actually need some help i need some guidance or they have a friend or someone that they now that needs it so it's very transformational too far as coming to our meetings and these again are professional women and through this education and bringing awareness to the whole issue social issue of domestic violence many people including myself have learned so much over the course of time again since we we've put this whole organization together of so many different facets of what's happening in terms of domestic violence relationships issues challenges family life that it's been it's again transforming for so many women and so to see them be able to say something or come forward and realize that they need some help in some way is i think that's empowering unto itself absolutely you know there are so many questions that are bubbling up for me in terms of i'm thinking about the younger generation yes with the hook up culture and what that means and then there's another culture where there's not exclusive dating like there was back in the day where people go out in groups then there's the exclusive right one on one right and then there's you know people who are kind of figuring out who they are yes so i'm assuming that your target audience we talked about being business people that we talked about of being women from broader you know broader business yet industry but is it also intergenerational oh yeah and how those women can help each other understand because there are certain groups who've never really done exclusive dating they go out in groups and that can be safe yeah  they don't the woods missing is that knowledge of how to evaluate an adequate partner right you know someone who's matching with you both emotionally  yes you know psychologically you know fun in her taining that kind of thing yes whereas a probably a more mature woman is used to that she may even have a family but something went to raw in the relationship and she may feel stuck absolutely oh absolutely and you know you bring up a very good point because we do need to bridge the generations there's no doubt  one thing that we're doing is i am putting we are implementing a formal internship program and mentor program wonderful for that very reason i want that i think it's extremely important because teen dating violence this statistics on that are not good i heard there is there are some real problems now the agencies are doing outreach to the schools to teach kids about what healthy relationships look like and where a great model for young women for that or a wonderful model so we want to bring them in have them come see what we do being a wonderful again a very nurturing environment and then also do some volunteer work through our red shoe events or charity fundraisers so we're we're to be rolling this out very shortly but it is critically important because they are facing and they are challenged with many of the same little different but some of the same issues that maybe a more mature woman would be going through a situation and an unhealthy relationship but the important part is we need to break the cycle and that's all part of the work that the agencies are doing because if we don't break the cycle we will never see the statistics go down and right now they aren't i mean they just it seems like we're trying to help people but we're not changing those numbers so if we can get to our youth and teach both boys girls and existence to teach them what a healthy relationship is find out what's going on with them and some of the stories are pretty ugly i hear you know i have to say and you you wouldn't think at such a young age but it is happening at such a young age that we teach them and break that cycle that then we'll start to see those numbers and statistics go down but until such time it's it's a very a long process and it's an education process and that's what we want to be part of through these agencies and through the communities and kind of bridge that bring those generations together and i am so excited about that because i think that's so again another component that's so critically important definitely so couple of questions warren what are some of them know you have stories obviously without sharing your so maybe you can you can give us a sense of kind of what is happening both from a professional woman who many people think she has it all together and there's things going on that she doesn't want to let on so if you have a story like that it would be important for our listeners to understand i have many stories but you know i can share mine to a certain extent i was a corporate in corporate management  sales and management for twenty five years i was the consummate professional and i was in a relationship at a younger age with someone who was older and it started out with verbal abuse and it was pretty bad and what you do is you hide it you protect you not that you pretend but you keep thinking i'll just make it better i have to make it better and you don't want to share i have a wonderful family i had a wonderful family parents i didn't want to share with them i kept thinking i will work this out and you keep moving along and then my situation that variable escalated to physical but once it did i recognized and realized and i was scared because i was threatened also i realized i had to do something and at that point i did take steps and i had family and friends that were supporting me thank goodness to help me make those next steps but i never never shared and when you're in that situation it's very difficult many women are being threatened or their children are being threatened and it's more of a safety issue they're scared they're afraid to do something and they have to be ready and whether they're you know whether in corporate or whether they're a stay at home moms raising the kids i mean that's an obviously a very important job oh my goodness whatever the situation or could be financial if it how do i get out and we need to let them know that there are there is help and there are resources in their support to guide them and to get them to a better place a safer place but in the interim the best thing that anyone can do if you are if you know somebody if you know of a woman who is in need or you see the abuse going on  you know it's there the worst thing you could say is why don't you just get out and you can say that what you do say is i'm here to support you and when you're ready i'm here for you will find you help to be a support system right there to support you can't tell somebody to leave i look back on my situation as a smart savvy business woman but in that particular situation again i try to cover it up and hide it i don't know if i would've i mean i had to come to terms with what was happening i guess i did and i finally was able to thank goodness but it's a very difficult delicate situation east each scenario is you know different for each woman and a lot of it does surround the safety issues there you know they're worried about their life or perhaps with their children their children's you know a well being and that's a very scary thing that nobody can you know and as i always say until you walk in their shoe you know we don't understand the challenges and issues that they go through that you don't invent for somebody else even though i you know have i've been through my own story i haven't been through another woman's story i don't know you know i wouldn't know about that and so we don't want to judge we want to just be there to help and support them in any way we can so you talked about the agencies which i think is a great bridge that you talked about the agencies that are helping or are they helping with shelter the hoping with counseling what are these agencies providing to the women and if you know they provide many services the agencies throughout new jersey there's one in every county they provide a myriad of services and most people think that there are just a safe house which is the immediate care so if somebody needs to literally a woman needs to leave for her safety the middle of the night with the clothes on her back in our kids you go into safe housing and that's typically for thirty days but many of them have what's called transition transitional housing which allows them to stay for twelve to twenty four months something of that nature so that they can get back on their feet whether it be training school what have you and then get the sells to a point where they can become independent and go out on their own  again but they also offer counseling they offer legal advocacy again in the courts if they need restraining orders or such so there's somebody there to help support them through that process they have us art therapy for the children they have many different programs that are there to help both mom and the children in terms of whatever their needs are so most of the agencies offer pretty much the same there might be some deviation between them but over all they offer the myriad of services counseling services for the mother and children all sorts of services and again depending on the situation if a mom or family doesn't need the safe house but maybe they need counseling or legal advice that's there for them as well so it's there that's the other message we need to get out because most people don't realize that there are a multitude of service available so when people come to one of your monthly meetings all of these agencies are present or you have information table how does it work we typically have a representative it could be the executive director or director of development from the agency it just depends will attend our meeting they come monthly because we're there to support them we do collection items for them based on their needs in the safe and transition house so we'll collect everything from diapers or canned goods or women's you know feminine hygiene to whatever it is they need we do those the monthly collections but they're always there every month with their information out we have a table for them and then they get up and just speak about the agency and you know any events or things going on within the organization and then also just educate us you know again on of what's going on in the services provided and then once a year always say i want them to be speaker and we always have a guest speaker at all of our monthly breakfast meeting so once a year we want them on the schedule usually in october because october is domestic violence awareness month so that they gave a nice presentation kind of rounded out and refresh us in terms of the scope of services they provide what they're doing you know what they plan on doing going forward maybe legislation that's you know in the works in the state things like that so it's been it's been very enlightening your our audience for attendees and our members yeah well i have another question probably a little more controversial sunday sixty minutes had a guest on who has accused our current president and there is actually obviously more women that have over the years come forward and accused our president of inappropriate behavior and i'm just wondering in the last two years because you know you hear about him all the distractions right you know he's dominated the news and so i'm wondering has that had an increase have people become more aware is it about the same because there was a audience participation that i just really became aware of yesterday where they had a panel of women who were watching that were supporters and you know as supporters they dismissed it right and so i'm just wondering have you seen any change at all i know you said the numbers haven't changed in terms of youth you know and one in four women are think what it's saying is and for our organization and i've said what i've said this for many years now not just because of the me too movement what's coming out i said what we're doing is so timely so important and that just reinforces it based on what we see in the news and what's happening and personally i believe it's happening it is that pervasive and the sexual harassment absolutely because i again have been subject to that in my corporate days in the young days i can go from my own experience from my youth its you know starting my twenty's up until now and different life experiences that i've had that have touched upon this and i can tell you i truly believe that it is now i'm not saying all instances the great but i think it is very much pervasive and the statistics speak for themselves you know and it's so timely what we're doing we need to address it it is very timely and i think women have they're beginning to find their voice let me say yeah i haven't but they are beginning to find their voice to speak out yeah and we've seen that yes with me too and we've seen it across the industry but obviously the most visible is kind of entertainment hollywood movies television but in corporate america there are some organizations address this through affinity groups not that i  they have a women's group and women's groups focus on career promotion but sometimes they also focus on domestic issues yes related to children and couple in that kind of yes yes so there is  an interest and we just need i think to keep the momentum absolute we need to keep this conversation going as i say elevate the conversation and gauge the community of men and women and men are subject the one out of four women well for men it's about one out of eight or nine is so it impacts men to so we need to have this conversation we need to elevate this conversation we all need to be involved in it and as i mentioned in my book and in my in in the introduction i say you know i share my personal story and i say you know do you feel uncomfortable you should we all should it is not an easy topic but if we're going to tackle it if we're going to be able to make any social change positive change we have to be able to address this and be honest and forthright and throw it out there and say how are we going to do this but we've got to change the culture too in terms of how we we interact with one another changing the culture is essential i was like yeah we're just going to go in and absolutely so since you founded the organization what has been your biggest lesson learned that's a good question my goodness wow my biggest lesson is if you are passionate and believe in what you're doing and i do you you read it for the long haul and i have three p's perseverance patience and persistence and you have to be all of those three and i always teasing though i'm not sure what order but you definitely have to have those it's not always easy but if you believe and you stick with it it will happen and i always say you know my passion drives me my faith sustains me for me that's how it works so i have learned that you just keep going and it will happen and you can do anything on a wing and a prayer and through the trials and tribulations you know i have a story within a story since i a nice it's all good but it's been a long journey and it's been a learning obviously learning it's all about learning it's a process but you do you have to have you've got to have it in your heart and your soul and that passion to say i'm going to do this no matter what i salute you know salute and so important so tell me in the last couple of minutes what is your new beginning for b w nice in twenty eighteen my new beginning is to see our organisation going to asheville oh wonderful because we have a very positive wonderful message to share and if we can do it we're in a microcosm we're just a microcosm of what's going on out there in our country and our world and we want to take this i want to take this national and that's what we're preparing ourselves for because if we can have a chapter here and mercer county or hundred in there were we can have a chapter in chicago and you know phoenix than anywhere in this country for helping women here in making him difference we can make a difference everywhere i would want to we want to touch women all over this country that's great that's my new beginning that's wonderful if you are so inclined and believe in our cause please feel free we can you know have you make a donation which will help support our mission to expand and build chapters in and along with other domestic violence agencies and help women most importantly if you can support us through our chapters our local a local chapter you want to start a local chapter of blues you know again go to the website you can get my contact information and i would be more than happy to speak to you and as i said the agencies are wonderful they're embracing what we're doing we need the support of more women and to bring your time and talent volunteer your time and talent to help others and that would be a wonderful way i don't know that sounds great and i thank you for sharing that information i have no doubt that you will have the patience and perseverance and persistence yes to make that happen across the united states i think that's outstanding yes i'm very excited absolutely yes absolutely well dying and it has been great sharing with you i'd love to have you back with some other guests to talk about me too and the timeliness of this whole subject and how we can network together yes that's wonderful thank you karen wonderful time thank you and thank you for tuning in to new beginnings with kar