and welcome to the r b b show up close and personal i'm your host venus and i'm here to take you through this musical dance we call life and to do that you know i bring on talented wonderful people to help us make it through today's guest on my goodness i'm so excited today's guest is a talented here will have to get up close and personally ready ok fine i had to dig a little to find out some information to put on my glasses so i can make sure you've done so many things that i am i have been in or with you since i met you really i mean the first time i saw you  came to the church where and you were going to lead for some program we were having and i'm just in awe excuse me at beautiful voices and when you sing like this picture depicts were you saying it sounds like god is just in the room you how did you decide to choose the ministry well actually the ministry chose me over i was twenty one years old and trying to figure out what i was going to do with my life and i was in college and i didn't fill out my financial aid forms the way i was supposed to in my sophomore year and this and of sophomore year i realize that i didn't have any financial aid i was going to have to go home and so i was frightened that was really really really frightening because i had been brainwashed from the time i knew you know the english language that you had to go to college and that was how you know that was one of the stepping stones of life and right on college then you major decisions about what you were going to be in life and so without college i was just afraid so i began to pray earnestly pray and seek god's face what am i going to do what am i going to do god what am i going to do what do i have to do god and i was singing in the choir stand at new hope baptist church in newark and we were singing the d how do i do this so no way no i didn't it didn't even cross my mind this would be something difficult or nothing i was just so happy to have something so with my mom you know yeah so i had been singing really since i was like three years with my family and just always always singing but when he told me i was going to be a minister i was so overjoyed i could've done back flips because i finally had something to do wonderful yeah i didn't realize it was going to be a challenge but it was just time it was just time and so the work was pretty much done there so we came back to the states and i haven't pastored since then i've just been you know i've retained my ministry call and vocation and i've worked in different churches as you know on staff and that kind of thing so now when another when i hear you sing it sounds like you're preaching in the song and like i said if you like god is in the room so does your singing and preaching go hand in hand they do they really do because most people don't even know that i preach really yeah i know for the most part people that or they think that you know like singing preacher like someone who just kind of has the name change people's lives now i know i can't do that but i know that through me if i'm a vessel yes the holy spirit can sing through me he can do all kinds of things yes and all kinds of unusual ways if we just yield ourselves to be a vessel so i have been praying for a long time god just please make it worth something because people who sing are a dime a dozen we have and so you know my thought was god if i'm going to do this i really need this to mean something i need it to be meaningful i don't just want to be he another person up there singing and you know having a show and i'd really rather just sit down and write a book or something else i mean even people lead today to me it feels like everybody's a preacher everybody has a talent ministry and i don't think a ministry is for everybody you know every everyone has a gift yes but you know ministry is a calling yeah so if he called you it'll show yeah and if you just got up and went that's not called it is you know i mean and i would raise not going to call you if you don't have a heart for people if you can't put yourself in their position if you can't see yourself there to help them i mean not just to have a title i'm a minister and it's so many of those cropping up these days it's like and i'm like a person who really and i guess i probably shouldn't because you know god put people whole people in a higher regard when they have a title minister  and i give you so much respect everybody's do respect i give it a respect but when you have that title titles are important to me you know i was raised with respect so if you give somebody that title they need to live up to that time you should be in these days i'm like ok it really depends on who laid hands on you yeah and who you know helped to usher you into the the avenue of ministry that you're in some people really don't have very good mentors or they have mentors that you know someone who is under someone else's to diligence and saul before he when he changed his name from saul to paul well when the lord changed his name you know he sat for three years and learned of the lord before he went out peter of course had jesus and you know timothy had paul and and so that's just it's a it's a biblical tradition and he should have been even in the old testament you'll see you know  adjutant to a larger and that's really just the way it goes so when you find that you are you know being called to the ministry it's very important who you are aligned yourself wearing right and you know you should be looking for someone who has integrity yes and someone who has a heart for god see your heart for god and someone who really means business with god i was really blessed to get under the expressed that i was a minister and so forth and they just took me and me and dr burns are global williams and i'm just people full of integrity and they're such a spirit of god there i went here when i was searching for churches when i first came to new york and i'm not i go into the things that happened there but i just felt like there was such a different spirit now right right but i'm more into music and i needed more music yeah and so i kept going around you know and i really settled at first baptist where i met you ok ok so now this is interesting because like i said makeup and earrings and stuff and like i can't go out with him right you know and it was my minister his wife who said to me he's a man you're not doing anything that's unholy on godly he was on his pants one leg was like about the oh there you opposition in the church being you you know it's interesting perhaps because i have such kind of down to earth you know easygoing personality who i don't get a lot of head on opposition but what i have had was or had the had is people who want to shut doors for me  because you know of you know whatever you know intimidation they may feel that because i have certain gifts and you know which i really don't think everybody has gifts right you know and you don't choose them you're one with the mess so why be jealous too you know i'll say listen that's not my lane i want to know about it know that it's doing right if i'm involved in it but that's not my lane all right i do this you know right right so do you think that preachers get judged on their appearance women because i know the men probably  much so what i have heard said to me many times is that people like to see me coming because i look feminine yes and they are tired of seeing masculine looking women preachers yes i've heard that many times but you know my thing is just be you know you know exactly just be you you know i have always been a girly girl so you know i w so you know i kind of have learned and am still learning to just be comfortable with me and to let god use me the way he wants to and i have found that you are able to work to w horrible dark time and dark police by telling my testimony yes and that at some point i would tell my testimony in such a way as to help other people not go through what i went through here and so the way very transparent you know perhaps in ways i would not have been in my early twenty's and i wrote it and it just really talked about some of the mistakes that i made and why and it talked about how god healed me and it also talked about just the thought process about how did you get in this spot with this person you know full of thought to it and i wrote it a very down to earth language because my target was to reach teenage girls but what i found venus was that when i when i made the book available people of all ages men and women older women younger women everybody just embrace and say wow you know i know i read told my story the excerpt of it that they have and i have to read the rest yeah actually so very i have got to read it and i think it's a wonderful source and a wonderful tool to help women and you know teenage girls and women period for a voice probably to just to tell them what they should or should not do what i understand  you know even though i wrote it from the girl's perspective but boys go through this you know girls pressure them and that you know they have the same kind of issues and it's just so do you feel that it's important to to let boys and girls know that they should be strong in themselves with who they are and then usually them early absolutely yeah i think a lot of that comes from the parents yes you know if you look for a mere child your child is going to be more confident but if you don't or if you you know god forbid borate your child and then that child's going to have self esteem issues you know to have a commercial healthy ways if they have a conversion they're talking about who told you that and i think the child says somebody outside told the child something about them and and the mother says from your parents yeah nothing they say well what they say will be like the devil and it will deter you it can it can that's why it's really important to try and grab a hold of the word here as early as this early as possible yes i think that the enemy has done a very good job at presenting the bible as some all stupid book people used to read back in the day it's completely irrelevant but it's not the bible it's so relevant to our motivation and you know we heard a little clip of the title tune i'm a winner at the beginning of the show and that's so important so are you writing the songs on this cd i am i'm writing as a matter of fact i wrote every every song  um depression really nasty case of it and so that's something that i've had to deal with and i know that a lot of people are dealing with that and you know you and so i wanted to have a song first of all i heard it like i told you like i hear songs but i really wanted to have a song that dealt with that and yeah and something that would have a catchy chorus or catchy hook to it and so they're all while the and i just i was so devastated started to tell myself i'm going to die too i'm going to die that happened when my grandmother died relays be here and i was like i want to go with you right i don't want to be here says i'm going to die and i literally heard the it just was like it was like god was singing to me like no you're not and i kept saying i'm going to die and like no show and i kept hearing it and i'm like ok so this has to be a song because somebody is go so my last part of that question was you know what i don't want to lose time so i got one more important one so much as go to that the next song i heard was but he failed to talk about why but testimony oh my goodness i felt like you wrote it for me because it's my testimony is it your testimony out of people feel that way yes that is my to absolutely i was just in my room one night cleaning my cleaning my room sweeping my floor and i was thinking about all the things the enemy did to try and harm me try to kill me try to take me out and i'm sleeping all of a sudden i said but he failed yeah but you failed them well you know and i was i who that sound like  and i'm telling you that's how that song was born i just and i started think about all the stuff in such a simple little melody like them and like a five year old who could remember it but it's like buddy failed you know but he failed everything but he failed you know because i'm before you can't see that so impressed for is coming so impressive like i mean the minute we were up there were her sick and i was like i'm going off this choir's then getting down to her before she leaves oh my god have to have a talk with her relationship with her i have got to know her i have got to and it's just been so next question what would you tell ministers or anyone who wants to preach only three quick things  anybody who wants to preach what's the first second third step they need to do you know the first thing is you need to know if you're called just because you want to preach doesn't necessarily mean that god has called you to preach so i would say really spend some time seeking god's face like when i was twenty one oh my gosh i just like almost i want to say i work out of course you can't work him or got out any one but i was just like it because i was afraid i was out of college and that was my plan where you study biology i want to be as doctor well to be a god are you respect ritual that you know so i would say the first thing is make sure that the calling is of god and not just because you've seen a preacher and you like the glamour and this kind of thing the second thing i would say is that i understand that it's not just a ministry it's a calling but it's also that you have to die daily for him  so it's like there's a song that says yes we understand for christ we live hope i'm understanding for christ we die man the cost is high and it's like  that's that really puts it in a nutshell and it's not just you know the life that i now live you know not not i but christ and life that i now live i live by the faith of the son of god died for me but it's also that you have to die daily to yourself it's not not about you it's ministry is a sacrifice and if you're not willing to sacrifice i would say that's not the you and the last thing i would say is if you can stop preaching if you can leave ministry do ok quickly we've got to know why you are that so that is because if you can leave ministry then it's not you it has to be something like like like i can't leave this thing like it's just in my be right i must minister and that's what it is for me i've tried to leave ministry like i want to be an accountant and like number two you know boring and out if you like