completely away from will because there was fighting and i was willing to give up all that they had to preserve all that they are and in that i started to think of myself  was like i'm i'm underneath a constant bombardment a constant attack against me and one thing i did not want to do like i've seen many other brothers who have wanted to get rid of some of the and also from the limited experience that i had at that moment but it was necessary to put a spirit over me to put that kind of covering over me so this is where the name of society had taken its root for me and so here i am standing in that honor still fighting against forces rather seeing or unseen rather known or unknown because i am staying true to who i am the best in the best way that i possibly can do and also all were from  everything works in the system families are systems to serve the learnings are systems medical medicine is the system and it has to have some type of organizational structure in order for the system to work for it to have a wonderful impact on  individual level that if somebody is supposed to receive the right medicine from the institution or the system of of medicine then it has to have a structural organ it organisation or approach the where they know what they're doing and then you could be affected to do so the same thing has if you don't stand for something you'll fall for anything so i was hoodwinked bambu feel for a lot of different things a lot of different traps and found myself unfortunately suffer from those consequences rather they  really had they were something like a broken clock meaning that it was right twice a day but it was a somerset my life schedule and what i mean by that is that i was part of the subculture was i came up in a street life where you know having a gang identity gangster identity was was a part of the norm for my generation so that was my plan was to continue on in my behavior continue on my mentality continue one living in that particular my style and so like i said it was it was a broken clock perspective you know it was it was right twice a day but i would but it was not a semi life my my life schedule too and in man y regards i often tell people was basically how are you trying to be king turd of the mess at the end of the day you still a mess you know and that's where i found myself and so once i was able to i guess you say bored off these these aberrations of this fixation of a particular lifestyle because of how well i was indoctrinated i started to read and obviously without even knowing it was pill in a way these particular conditional adult members seeing her say something before she said it all matter which you read as long as you read when i was just when i had knowledge of saying that i don't really think i have any knowledge anymore but when i was just young and i was and i was  was coming to my fill of myself i why i said look at that statement i was like not at i don't i don't agree with that statement it doesn't matter what you read but she had way more wisdom so yes a little bit of knowledge was she had wisdom right knowledge only says what t in the transition that my life i take in i would have really understood it like i do today so i was reading and i wasn't reading healthy material i was basically in mcdonald's every day so my brain had a whole lot of fat on and i still was indoctrinated into the street life but references that the books were providing and one of the breakthroughs is what i was reading not a biography of a gamer by monster cody also need to make all make me want to holler here references and those references i'm think it will if this book is that great this these references that is referred to has to be just as good it must be on the same on the same line so all of a sudden put in a library quest request and while you're on the institution you write it down and say hell want to get this book at a library because i have no other no other way to go i didn't really read that much when i was on the streets so the next thing you know i'm requested bobby's still in here we see the time had no idea to be real and about the black panther party platform you know ten point platform programming things that i later i didn't know that i was getting ready to have this ideology break through you know that it was going to lead me to something so that's what i was talking about their foundation you cannot learn how to build a building if you don't go to school for us and know how to read the blueprints in order to create the architecture that goes into building a building so is the same thing about building a lifestyle you need to go to school learn some things get your mind thinking get those maps is in and those neurons in those transmitter snap and in your brain and create in some some had a fight going on in my spirit every night because that literature that i was reading that content that information it was groundbreaking to the point that it was it was it was it was earth shattering it was shattering concepts about myself it was shattering concepts and ideologies that i had held strong to prior to the information seeping into my life and therefore there was there was a transition and i and i speak to the people about this all the time with those individuals who some of  when they're on the inside when they're incarcerated when i mean by the inside they are seeking some type of social engagement or some type of social connection because they may like it on whatever level their families or friends may all fallen off they don't want to serve a time with them whatever they may become black sheep in our family because they could commit a crime whatever the case may be and all of a sudden they find themselves gravitating to different socials so socialization you know cliques or whatever and is one of those things that invites pretty much all on the inside for certain people so for a long time i never i wasn't i wasn't engaged in the process i was i had i was a part of the you know the high food chain when it came sort of to the street life to the gangster life i had a position i wasn't trying to give that up i enjoyed it you know i had to recruit you must i came along with it so being a muslim or even being something that i that was not my desire i didn't want to be a muslim i was not looking to be a m asked to eat there because you know you don't have that you're not part of the pecking order in terms of the chain of respect so they need to see protection i wasn't in that particular line of the population so when the information was presented to me  terms of not only islam but also about my african history my african culture but it created an octagon of my spirit so i will lay down and go to sleep fighting near wrestling with concepts and ideologies that i had hill hill dear to and it was scary and the reason why i'm saying is scary because it was a part of me to know that when i was coming in contact to contact with him and relating to it it was going to eventually make me have to give up some of things that i held dear to and i don't know how to relinquish those things and him out i know what the next step was going to be because in one aspect i have built up a lot of support collateral rather was in the wrong direction i knew what i was getting over a year and if i have to change the direction of my life and make that one eighty i don't have that kind of network and i don't have a those those resources i don't have that that type of support i may have that kind of love i don't have that kind of endearment so that's a scary thing so are a lot of time but so people when i do see them people make those when he's already know who has the the strip because that takes a lot of strength you know fallen into the crowd and doing those things those are the best easy i realized that male it took a lot of strength to go against everything that was pretty much support me rather was right or wrong and so it just it just had a breakthrough on my life and so those plans created an opportunity were i stopped in a way not only promoting a lifestyle but engaging in being there promoting the lifestyle you know stop smoking marijuana this is war was birthed out of thin pale lips and a lot of times most people who heard these if you go back to century years ago that was the last thing they heard and was not out of endearment and was not out of love in the way that we try to justify using the word today and i'm not here to  place any type of blame on anyone who uses that word understand it understand that the profanity is not usually in the language but as if the conditions and the language reflects the conditions and if you want to change the language then we need to change the conditions and a lot of times we can say really the conditions a lot worse than what we can say so even more people use profanity it doesn't offend me because the conditions that offend me more so we can change the conditions and awfully we can change the reflection of what we say in our language but i know for myself that my condition was changed so therefore my language was changed so there and i was bringing a back to matsue mob to my people to my brothers who were on the inside it was looking at me like little me i was like the most unexpected person to make the particular terms and so when i did make this turn individuals were looking at me differently some of them loved some of the obvious obvious and for people loved for different reasons they don't have an enemy now they have somebody has to be pressuring them not to see all of those big bad you know guy or whatever at the end of the day you know i would is one of those kind of people oftentimes we have to look at ourselves to the same lenses or through the same people look at us through and i'm talking about from a form of from a certain perspective now from every category but from a limited category and what i mean by that is that when i look at us i see a conglomerate engagement when they see that it's all we can take that same ideology that same concept but in that limited perspective is that when i see you i see my brother when i see her i see a sister i see a king i see a calling i see me when i see you as stead of trying to place lines of divisions and soccer wrapper when i see you i want to wrap around my arms with love and support so when i go around here and i walk around my neighborhood i don't i don't shy away from i contact when i see a brother but i put a smile on my face and i li because it was it was a it was a transition you talk about you know blossom in and i'm one of those kind individuals you have to bloom where you are where you where you are you know wherever you find yourself that means make the most out of your vironment that's what i mean by that make the most out of your circumstances i once read a quote that said rise above your circumstances rather nimble long to do and when i was in prison  i had to understand that i had to transform the sale that was intended to be a sell for me at the transform it into a classroom so every day i was learning and consequently want to sell became a classroom the this question first originated with myself while i was on the inside and i were axed him what is the most powerful thing that our creator has given us there is of of vast array of responses and answer to that question some people say you know the building to see the believe is speak or the ability to have whatever particular give our whatever some people say life always tell them is not a right or wrong answer to that question but my personal level i believe the most powerful thing the most strongest thing that our creator can give us is a choice to make something out of your life that's powerful there's nothing you can really do you'll get make something out of your life that's powerful like you can help a child but you can't make