bottles and it's naturally no caffeine so i always say small at first and then taste it and then just you know start a conversation we have this beautiful lady di she's going to be talking about her whole journey of cancer know let's start journey with cancer you know how your family took it how you took it just the whole thing well i started i'll just go back a little bit i started a t and t and i had a great career and i loved my job i loved what i was doing but i found that the part that i loved was mentoring young people right and i took an early retirement and that lasted for three we go away and so i sat around and said ok what am i supposed to do every morning i'd wake up and say ok princess what do you want to do today so i finally decided i had been working on a project a program called the dreams and focus the chose and focus all right and usually when i first meet people the first thing i asked them is what is your dream and when i did that at eighteen t most of the young people because i did interview in also most of the young people just didn't know and i'd said well how do you move forward you know how do you you know get up every day if you don't have a dream and that led to my coming up with this program took me a few years to get it together and i think it was more about creating everything in a labor of love i finally got to a point where i was just starting to deliver the workshop had one of the community colleges and for the first few sessions i found i really enjoyed it and it wasn't just young people it was older people middle aged everybody there was some people and i just couldn't imagine that because i've had dreams you know the dramatic point in my family and i've had dreams since i know and i couldn't imagine someone not having a drawing right so anyway i started delivering the on the program and i remember very clearly saying to myself this is i would look at the audience and they would be looking at me and like just leaning over with every word you know and i said you know you have to list your dreams you have to identify them and i remember looking at the audience and i would i said this is what i was meant to do and i was always one of these people what's my purpose what am i supposed to do and i say this what i'm supposed to do and i was just getting into it and lo and behold i had this little personal  if you will i was diagnosed with during cancer and it was fast and it was all of a sudden out of the blue it you know you get in the doctor's office and they say that word cancer in your brain stops your brain stops you know they keep talking and everybody's die you know soon and everything in your brain is stuck to one cancer and out of everyone in my family i come from a very large family no one even i mean it wasn't even a remote thing i've never been so you know you know so anyway when after i got over the initial shock i had to figure out how was going to tell my family right and of course the the biggest thing for me i don't want to be sad right i don't want me crying i don't want people going in the corner whispering everything we're just going to deal with and figure out what we have to do and do it and move on like later on she said to me mom when you said that to me i went outside i got my car and i was like all right then ok and then i went home to tell my family but it's a five hour drive so for me i why did this happen oh and i'm driving home and i'm saying ok i've got to tell my family now what's the worst thing that can happen you know and most people feel like when you get cancer the worst thing that can happen is you're going to die right and i said ok well that can't be the worst thing because everybody is going to die right ok my thing was about how how and when you know her and my big thing was i don't want to die with my song still in me right  know i want i want to express whatever it is i was put here to express like and i started thinking about i have a posse of friends that i run around with and we're always talking about bucket list and i hate that word i hate the wor list and they would say all right we'll come up with something else so i'm driving and i'm saying what's another euphemism for dying i said pushing up daisies so i said that's it i'm going to develop he talked to me all the way from like new jersey to riley and i'm telling him about this days it listed him saying you know this is what i'm going to do with it i'm going to make a list and i'm going to put it on on the internet bubble and he was very quiet and i said well what do you think of that he said well i'm quiet because i'm sitting here saying to myself you just found out you had cancer and you act like your reasons are so excited you want to  i told my family one you know my brother and sister my mother my mother knew because i had told her over the phone but my best friend my cousin back home her name is betty and i visited her and i was telling her and i was telling her about from because i took pictures of every treatment why i involved every all of the people because i wanted everybody on the block right and it took away from that good they're going to go  and i said halfway through my treatment and i think if you talk to any cancer patient i haven't met one that it's different halfway through is when i get back up i got to figure out how to get back right i got to figure out how to give back and then it started to dawn on me you know i got there was a reason there's a purpose i'm going to get better i need to do something so i said i know what i'm going to do i'm going to use d c list as a know fund raising i've done from raising for habitat for humanity who've done all those things that i wanted to do something big right and i wanted to do something that was going to last a long time that was going to raise money for ever i wanted to be and i started using that and then i thought as my treatment progressed and i did the chemo and i did the radiation and all of that and i would the last day of my radiation right right and then we're going to take it around the world and this is the new bucket right and i said ok how do i get this out and i've just recently with phase two started developing a you know the research is wonderful and i think everybody should give to their eyes but i want to focus on local causes that i know that the money is going to make it work real but every saturday that's so important because a lot of times yeah you know it's not really what you want them to do and not only that i know a lot of these organizations have administrative costs and all that and that's fine but i really want to impact people on a personal right so we're doing that right now and never think of maybe just finding the people yourself and giving them the money directly my brother is a story about yeah all these other is and my brother all this people are really getting it and using it he's given me so many ideas on how to you know he said you have to go to elect a local chapters of police department fire department you know you have to find out and i don't want it just to be about cancer any more personal tsunami that people are dealing with you know to say if if if i have i'm going to put most of the product on the blog but i also have a vendor called sas i will write that is going to be doing a product line for me too so people can go directly the quarter one whatever those proceeds are if it's five percent ten percent whatever it is i'm not looking to get rich you know i really really really want to focus on this is making a differen i've been asked to speak at a couple of places i don't know if i'm going to do that yet because the other thing is the blog is a full time it's become of the there are lot of work so i'm saying ok well with the product line coming out you know you want to watch that and make sure that goes ok right so somewhere in there hopefully in the very near future i'll be able to start generating some money and donate it to this right cause so i wanted to just stop for a minute just saying i met you through missouri right so we were talking about the whole cancer thing and yes things like that so i wanted to bring her in because i wanted to talk to you ladies so that you people to be inspired so we're going to bring in missouri so that we can just talk a little bit more about absolute recovery process and how you deal with it yeah absolutely wanted to talk about you know cancer and the survivor and what you guys are doing now and you know i think you're definitely o inspiration and i love what you're doing with now trying to get the products and give that money back to people not like you said not just cancer survivors but other people that are going through hard times saul you know just tell us you know how are you coping with the whole process of the after effects of cancer and being cured for me sometimes i have to really sit down and take my time and think of the fact that i was very with me twenty four seventh's i had excellent care at the hospital i had so when i looked around and i would see people coming in in wheelchairs public transportation elderly people with walkers people didn't speak english didn't even explain right you know and so i feel i feel so blessed it's almost scary right here because you know people talk to me and they go oh how do you feel like oh no don't you know low tones write because you know sometimes god brings us beautiful gifts but they don't they're not wrapped pretty right ok i've received a beautiful gift to write because now i really know my purpose yes yeah and i know what i want to do my vision i know what the vision is i know what i have to do i just don't know how yet i know but he's shown me step by step every day and it's going to come in and i don't have in my story is quite the same as yours like for me because i'm a visual person when i was going through treatment i never looked like i was sick you know but i'm right here and i contribute that to my attitude you know like how you take it on  through you know cancer you know my children and my family and my friends and you know for me it was just like keeping my attitude right and being grateful because i will i yes i'm going through this thing but there are so many other people through and you know for me it was always about what can i do for someone else but when you take the attention off of yourself right and you put it you know on to other people it it just frees you up to just you know not worry you know i mean i wasn't i wasn't worried i just knew that it was happening for a reason and i knew that something good was going to come out of it and one of the things that we're working on from me going through cancer is one day to open up a place called home where these women that are homeless can live for free and we can take care of them and help them to heal and put programs in place that can actually empower them so that when they are released from the house that they are next now becoming productive citizens again that's a passion of mine that's something that i really want to do and hopefully you know we can get the right people on board to do this so i think that you know one of the things and i and can also  to this is that we you know our mindset you know like how you think about it like you said earlier i was listening you know we you know one day we're all going to die but what do we do now right now we're living right you know so what do we do you know how do we had a we impact a particular community and you know how do we help help others and you know and live our dreams you know the things that we that we want to do in life so i think attitude is just so so important ladies can inspire people from the things you say the things you do to help others right you know what you just continue that outside you know my brother gave me some excellent ideas as far as how to give back because i'm not the type that certain things like i said i wanted to but he was saying you know go to the institutes and find out maybe there are people that need transportation right and just donate gift cards just for twenty's for take they can we can raise more money i think they raise about five thousand dollars or something like that and we contribute to that and we want it we want to help them to raise more money because during the holiday season and they give those out to  that's that's that's really what i think of a lot of people that are going through anything like it and i just cancer like any any devastating you know sicknesses is that you find something that your passion and i all sat right and that really takes so much of the pressure off you know what you're going through and i think that's an intricate part of healing and him becoming a survivor oh you know i really believe that missouri and i were talking earlier and i said i have a section on the blog and it's calling all survivors and that's the other thing i want to put out the i if somebody has a story that they want on the internet right i will post it on the guardian and whether you write the story or write the story we do it together that's how we met yeah yeah and it really is like she said she had kind of moved away from a design and everything and i went to one of the shows years later i went to one of the shows and i'm always trying to think of one word to describe people i have so many ideas i told mike i would have to wait five more lives