in this series reimagine one of the things we're doing is landing in truth and living in truth it's so important in this culture that we have right now there's so many different ideas and teachings that are floating around and if we're going to be healthy with god and if we're going to be healthy in family or have a healthy church it's got to be based in god's word in so god's word builds us up god's word protects us and it's particularly true in our topic for today so today's theme is marriage myths and usually we jump right into marriage but i want to take equal time today to talk about before someone gets married and then also while we're married so we're going to look at both today we usually skip over the first half let's take a look at what scripture says so please turn to first corinthians chapter seven first corinthians chapter seven on the right hand side of your bible and there's two letters that paul has written to the church corinth they are new in the faith and they've absorbed so many worldly teachings they're trying to get their bearings and so paul comes in first corinthians seven he's going to talk about people or unmarried people who are married lots of different situations but let's drop down to verse thirty two where he's talking about those who are not yet married in verse thirty two we read this i would like you to be free from concerned an unmarried man is concerned about the lord's affairs how he can please the lord but a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world and how he can please his wife and his interests are divided an unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the lord's affairs her aim is to be devoted to the lord in both body and spirit but a man married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world how she can please her husband so here's the first myth if you're single if you're not yet married the myth is that you are inferior to married people that is not true but in our codes are a lot of times in sometimes even in churches it could be implied it could be you know all the programs are for married people there is nothing ever said or provided for those who are single so in different ways we come up with a conclusion that ok here's married oh yeah and then we've got people who aren't married in that's false so how did we get there a couple things that happened along the way one is there's a verse in genesis chapter two verse eighteen where god says it's not good for this man to be alone in out of that he creates eve in so his provision his plan for male and female both made in his image equal before him that's god's plan but we take that little phrase well it was not good to be alone and then we run with that twist the scripture and we end up saying all singleness is not good and we even take it further and say well of your single then you're clearly not good in so you're incomplete and you're a hoe boy and the truth is far from that the truth is everyone is made in god's image single and married in so that's really how god lays it we could twist it the other way we could say well first corinthians seven one it is so good to be not married the bible says and we could jump to a false conclusion and say well it's better to be single i mean jesus even said some have remounts the kingdom of heaven or so i renounce a marriage for the purpose of the kingdom of heaven we could say it's far more strategic to be single than married for the kingdom of heaven and we could twist it falsely that way so do you see how we need to see in scripture where it says both it's good to be single it's good to be married both have their own advantages but we can't put one above the other and say you're better because you're married or you're better because you're single we are christ body together and we need to support each other so that's one way it happens here's another way it happens some people been married now they're divorced in so maybe there's a battle there with some disappointments and guilt some shame some embarrassment some people that are divorced feel like when they walk into church they have a scarlet letter on them and i just want to say you know if someone's coming and you've experienced divorce may this be a place of healing may this be a place of encouragement you know we're so glad you're here and then god is going to still do great things and in his grace do great things in your life in which so no if you're divorced you're not second rate compared to everyone else in the body of christ and here's a third way that happens in our culture sometimes widows those who have been married but now are single again their loved one has gone to be with the lord sometimes widows are overlooked and widows are you know the bible says it over and over again like pure religion is to care for the widows the widows are on god's heart and yet we do is get neglected we don't get ignored we don't get overlooked in so they sometimes get treated second rate again all these challenges twisting things but the truth is we are all made in god's image we're all part of his family so him and i'm just going to run through some truth a day in the scriptures it's going to challenge culture today i'll just say that going in but let's keep coming back to god's word so what are some advantages of being single we just read in this passage there is less to be concerned about there might be less responsibilities less needs first thing in the morning less people coming at you saying you know my mom dad dad so you know my time i mean the lord changed in the mornings after we got married had kids you know there's just more things happening first thing in the morning than there was when i was single so when you're single there are some advantages and you say well what are those advantages those freedoms there's freedom sometimes with schedule there's freedom with travel there's freedom with time  we're just sending out someone in their twenty's going off to panama for a couple weeks that's awesome it's not that married couples can't go do that together but when you're single you just have far greater freedom in the bible emphasizes that not only emphasized but encourages to use that extra freedom to build up the kingdom to advance the gospel so my question is if you're single what's on your list of things you're doing now for god's kingdom that you couldn't do if you were married what is that list look like being single now you're able to do some things you know in seminary i was able to study you so much more in college ministry i was able to do some more one on ones late late late night so you know different lots of hours and stuff that changed when i got married so what is on that list for you make the most of that season it's a good season to be unmarried make the most of that so that's one now let's go back to the text and we're exposing some myths today look at verse thirty five i am saying this for your own good not to restrict that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the lord so a myth here in our culture is what god says is a good second option preferences they are trumping the scripture and so many people's lives in so what do we read here live in undivided devotion to the lord that means put his word first put his will first undivided devotion the goal whether we're single or married is to live for jesus amen to live all over jesus whether you're single or married so how do we get off track here's to common things if someone's single the first way to get off track is in the area of when god's this is not this one don't marry this one some people were single feel a little bit lonely and there pressure is on and sometimes it comes from family members or grandparents would you hurry up you're not married yet would you get married and that little nag turns into pressure and then the relationship can't even breathe there's pressure what's the old phrase got to get a ring by spring it in so i mean is do is run into the altar and like we've got to make this happen i got to get married getting being single is not good to be alone i've got to get married fast in so that pressure comes in it's really important listen in god it's really really important to listen to god when you're selecting who you're going to marry if god saying wait if god saying slow down if god saying not this one don't rush forward listen for hey follow do rejects jesus because the most important part of your life they don't share it and you just think about that lived out the kids then what we're going to go with mom are we going to go with dad and the kids are torn in so what i've seen so much heartbreak and heartache you say well there are a nice person they are a nice person but god's foresight god's wisdom don't get married now if you are married to someone that doesn't follow jesus stay married the bible is very clear stay married love them in fact let your period be and your following of the lord be such a light that you know you have to use a lot of words they see you every day let that purity just shine in such a way they would s that's what i need in my life right there thanks for watching our program today and i want to let you know about our web site activate life died or you can send us your prayer requests we are honored to pray for you we also have daily devotions and other resources you can sign up for and if you want to support us financially you can do that through the website now will get back to the teaching as we get into god's word together submit you know an attitudinal marriage sometimes is well i'm not going to do right until the other person does right and you do it in love and particularly in don't be a doormat it doesn't say be a doormat in fact i'm going encourage you to talk about your unfulfilled expectations to talk about those things those unfulfilled desires and expectations talk about them so submission should involve prayer communication honesty and in don't ever let somebody or your spouse make you do something that the bible says is  wrong that's not submission either so a lot of misnomers about submission but we can't spend the whole time talking about submission but i will say this it's it's easier to be spirit filled at church it's tougher to be spirit filled at home in so it's easier to sing the lord's prayer is that surge and lift up hands but it's tougher in some of these areas in terms of you for example i also want to point this out if you're married to someone that is very different  amen because opposites do attract there is even going to need to be a greater degree of flexibility of not trying to make that person b of of respect in how gods wired them in being very very flexible so if you marry someone is very different and you just know the calling on your life is to be very very flexible and not try to make them in your image right so different today but i know a lot of you are praying for me right now verse twenty five let's read this husbands love your wives just as christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy cleansing her by the washing with the water through the word and to present her to himself as a radiant church without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish but holy and blameless so in that same way husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies and he who loves his wife loves himself after all no one ever hated his own body but he feeds and cares for it just as christ does the church for we are members of his body so what is a husband supposed to do in a marriage and one verb that stands out here is to care or to cherish the greatest care in cherishing of your wife how to arest does your wife feel here's another thing a husband supposed to do be a spiritual leader decisions like church you know we're going every week i mean that's a given we worship because of family that's what we do that spiritual leadership you know to set the tone there it doesn't mean that your bible reading has to look exactly like hers and your prayer life has to look exactly like hers it doesn't mean that but it means you know faith isn't just in the church but faith is at home home is a great place where we're growing spiritually you're the spiritual leader you set the tone you set the climate you make big decisions in that area and then also there's a sacrificial love you're always thinking protect you always thinking what's the highest good for my wife in know some things are going to land in your preferences some are going to land in hers ok that's a given but the approach is sacrificial love like christ love the church in so that's what the bible asked husbands to do and it's so easy to just take our wives for granted it's so easy sometimes to let our guard down in unhealthy ways and i know a lot of husbands that come in gripe in saying well my wife did this and she does that but at the core of a lot of that is that if we lead better she would respond differently but we don't like to talk about leading better we don't talk about what she's doing right now in so that's important so here's a second myth you can impress the world and save your worst for when you get home that's the myth go ahead impress the world but then save your wares for when you get home i'm preaching to husbands that wives you might want to just listen just in case  so what would this look like integrity in the community pornography at home so professional so passionate in the workplace so distant so passive at home so kind inconsiderate in public overreacting unglued at home at home so where did we get this myth that you know impress people you know especially the people out there strangers in public on the job and press on but at home yeah you know whatever happens happens you just have to say i'm going to commit to being consistent by god's grace daily grace daily abiding with him i'm going to be someone that's different i want to be someone that's consistent home public treating my wife just so well not just people the workplace in commit to that with god's help he'll change us he all of us can change with the holy spirit any of us can change in any of these areas today in fact i believe the holy spirit is working on hearts knocking on doors of hearts saying let's change let's go forward let's make this healthy let's make it different and not in your own strength but in the strength of the holy spirit so here is verse thirty one this is kind of the summary picture of the marriage for this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife in the two will become one flesh this is a profound mystery and i'm talking about christ and the church however each one of you must also love his wife as they love him self and the wife must respect her husband so what we read here is united one flash one flesh what's the goal of marriage one flesh united in such a way that the love christ in the presence of jesus is so evident that it's a display for the world that they look at how you love and serve and they see respect and submission in sacrifice and it just says jesus in your words say jesus and the way you serve the community says jesus in this marriage is the shining pointing to jesus in this incredible unity that's god's design for marriage to reimagine that and what that would look like in our own lives but it's gotten tainted in marred in then that's when we stop we reimagine again what's god's design also noticed that when the two become one flesh it's really a statement that the relationship in husband and wife is even more important than the relationship between parent and kid here's a well intentioned caution a lot of people before kids you know they're centered on jesus and they're walking together in marriage and then kids come along and it looks well intentioned but it ends up being a kid centered marriage in kids are lifted up sometimes above the spouse above jesus kids are such a great gift we love kids here at this church but the kids need to see a healthy marriage in so make sure the marriage doesn't come falling apart just over work or kids you can't have a work centered kids centered job or career centered marriage christ centered marriage and that bond your husband wife needs to be strengthened needs to have time poured into that and then the kids will be so blessed when that happens the kids don't want to be the center point of the whole life in so that is just something to keep an eye on that to become one flesh it doesn't say when parents and kids it's as if you husband and wife how does that happen see the sacrificial love in the submission that's just the hol that's not the end goal of marriage isn't it just submit the end goal of marriage is to be united in one this in so that's the end goal how do you get there well it takes a lot of sacrificial love it takes a lot of submission to protect that unity together in so notice the end goal and then the how in this passage so here's myth number three these differences are irreconcilable these differences are irreconcilable sometimes we call what's reconcilable irreconcilable in our culture yes in marriage you're going to have many troubles that's not me talking that's the bible ok first corinthians chapter seven verse twenty eight if you want to reference that one go ahead with these troubles there's going to be testing opportunities to grow in character reliance on the lord unselfishness in so that's part of the the thing with testing i've had many couples come to me and the conclusion  both their mouths is we're gain divorce we're going divorce and then we walk through we put on the table k what are all the challenges here let's take the top three challenges let's put them on the table is talk about these and we look at that and i look at those i say well you know what you can overcome those with jesus help what are you talking about pastor and well it starts with forgiveness are you going to forgive each other are you willing to be filled with the holy spirit are you willing to make daily changes in some your habits i willing to be kind are you willing to be humble because if you are there can be a lot of healing here and so everyone gets to make that choice and i've seen couples that walk in my office saying we're getting divorced in a year or two later their marriage is in a very very solid place why because they said yes god come in take over our marriage it's a mess we're talking about divorce right now i don't you know how we got to this place but god we believe hope is not gone and we trust you god you're the healer and we're going to submit to you we're going to forgive we're going to let go of bitterness we're going to be kind we're going to be humble and we're asking for a fresh start we might need to get some help with some counseling and so forth it's a wonderful thing to see that turn around not just for the marriage but for the kids too it's a wonderful thing so god god can do it let me say in a positive way your spouse has some rough edges a man don't say men don't say men don't say men don't want to get in trouble  let me in a marriage god has designed you to be a primary instrument of healing because you know what those rough edges are some of them are a sinful nature some of  are what they've seen their parents do some of them are lives from the world some of them is a range of things hurts disappointments fears and it comes out as rough edges and you're in that marriage to be the primary instrument of healing in your spouse's life in walk with god now it's not all on you they have to make choices but your purpose is to bring healing god's put you there for that so you could have in that it takes a lot of tenderness folks a lot of tenderness you can have this conversation with your spouse to kind of get things off you can say is there one thing you'd really like me to do differently and then offer that to them is there one thing i could start to do differently around here to be helpful for you and for our marriage and just have that conversation this week make them dinner then have that conversation here is our take on bob god tells a story where he's on a diet and he's got some friends that are all trying to lose weight and he you know for sure want to lose weight his friends are asking all the questions goes in early morning wakes up opens refrigerator grabs a bagel toast the bagel is going to put some cream cheese on it grabs a little tin foil you know package pulls it out and things like you have got to lose weight cream cheese may not be the best choice so i'm just going to spread this thing veneer the cream cheese on there starts to eat it is not tasting good in so that's the first half of the bagel second half the bagel he says are i forget that diet stuff and he scoops it in lays it on thick really thick all over the bagel eats the bagel he's like this stuff is awful he has a guest in his house at that time ashley who is staying with his family and he just assumes all this must be some of that low fat cream cheese that ashley brought into the house and there he goes he puts it thick on his bagel eats the begun to think that was a terrible breakfast his wife walks in the room and says honey whatever that low fat cream cheese stuff is and it's from ashley if you pick that up but let's never get that again and she goes over to the wrapper in she sees that this is chris go and he was thinking if i just put a little more on there it'll the big go will be great in caesar's laughing because he almost finished the whole container of christgau lard on his diet and it was a terrible taste in caesar's laughing and he starts laughing too but as we talk about myths whether it's the bag of singleness of the bagel a marriage sometimes we're spread in chris go lard on there and we think it's cream cheese and we does more and more missives getting piled up so thick and we're not in god's word we're not walking in truth i was wondering how come this doesn't taste good second corinthians ten versus four and five just write it down this week you know people have described a toehold where you dabble and see in a foothold in and for the enemy gets a foothold like someone a salesman who puts their foot in your door so you can close it in then there's a strong hold that's talked about in this passage the devil wants to get a stronghold in our lives a stronghold is a fortress it's a place that needs to be torn the devil wants to keep us far away from god in this fortress of myths and lies and we need to tear it down we need to make sure those walls come down in jesus name so it doesn't turn into a stranglehold in our lives so we call lottie's are dangerous lies that mar in taint singleness in marriage in god wants to bring healing wants to bring truth here's the take home identify and walk in truth because the truth of god god's word breaks strongholds and it invites deeper experiences of god's grace jesus is mighty in this battle jesus wants to set us free in jesus brings healing let's pray father god we think you that we could be one family those who are unmarried those who are married equal together encouraging each other god together in life groups together in worship in father we pray for those who are unmarried for discernment and trusting god father we pray for those who are married to come back to your word maybe apologize humble ourselves say lord would you be the center again of our marriage we  just swept we've just slipped or god we've been in iraq for a long time and you teach us a whole new way we lay it before you god would you bring healing would you bring unity would you restore trust would you heal those deep wounds and we give you praise in lord if anyone here doesn't yet know you single or married we pray to today would be the day lord that you would enter into their hearts as each person who doesn't know the lord you just turned to him and with no pressure but out of love in joy you'd say jesus i want to follow you in forgiveness of sins eternal life in jesus come in lead me god in this in every area of my life be the lord of lords in my story and write the script from here going forward and praise you in jesus name amen thanks for watching today and i want to let you know about our website activate life that org there are so many free resources to help you grow in your faith and if you've been blessed during the teaching please send us an e mail if you want to learn more about jesus we'd love to hear from you again our website is active a life that you are and we'll see you next week