january two thousand and sixteen charmaine started a global marriage movement which is so incredible for engaged women and call it wife up through a close support group on facebook she oversees supports and encourages over twenty two thousand women to fight for their marriages she's creative she utilizes her writing and visual layout skills to build brands write blogs create professional resume cover letters and marketing material girl that's a mouthful so how about if we just get started and tell us in your own words who you are i am and agent of change  and i believe that somehow the world should be better yes because i put my all into it i don't want to leave the world the way i found it i want to contribute and make it better and so everything that i do it's focused around that excellent excellent so how did you come to that place when you knew that that was jimmy you talk about vision in purpose so how did you come to the place where you could very confidently say what you just said i think it's started when i was thirteen and i was a victim of molestation and i just at secluded myself  into a shadow and i wrote all the time and i actually had a journal that said please do not read until i die and then one day i had an epiphany this i can't live like this i thought call my mom in and i share that with her or their journal and i walked away because it was a lot it was about five years worth of information give a journal and so i let her read it and she she cried scrag cried and so we connected after that and after that i had a passion to help somebody else i was able to heal and so from thirteen on i've always been mission driven and to help somebody you feel and so how do you so that's your overall purpose so how do you so i have this theory that says you have a vision you have a purpose but you also have to action that and so what are some of the steps that besides the journal writing and what you went through in terms of sharing with your mom what are some of the other things that you helped to  get to that place that you did rather that help you to get to a place of wholeness spoken word was a place of naive absolutely vague make sure that i've read the bible and prayed i went to church i had to do that i had to connect with other people that was important as a process of my healing because it was easy to feel alone and whenever i felt like i was alone and i withdrew from people then i went back into that space so i made sure i stay those are the things that i continue to do throughout my life spoken word connection and affirming and graham and and so and so in your bio it talked a lot about engagement so looking at engagement from the standpoint of what you just said and how you take your lessons in life if you will how you got to your own pain and how do you have a conversation with someone else who may be going through something  similar that you went through i was trying to find a common connection so i try not to start with the problem i always try to start with a compliment or just being real i use my disarming for that because every situation is differently and what i really do is find a common ground whether it's region whether it's just something we like like here or make up or something like that and then i delve into the situation and i use my judgment just depending on how much they want to say because depending on the level of the hurt yes you know people may talk kind of distant about the situation and so it really takes disarmament to see how much someone wants to talk about it is it just the  service level discussion or is it something you just want to delve right into it's always share my story first just to open it up you know i don't my share my story i'm hail from it and so i'm able to talk about it now and so i share my story and then my story usually opens up after we had that initial small talk talk about hair and stuff like that and in that era and then i'm usually that over that one fashion or my story and then we just go into it have conversations do prayer so what are some of the other struggles that you dealt with personally known on this particular journey and really getting to that point where you felt comes a bowl anough with yourself to be able to share your story because there's a lot  has to go on on the inside this for a person to get to the point where they're ready to just share their story and use it to help other people i think the new issue heard when i was molested and healing from that that was one but my life was really an emotional roller coaster but learning how to heal from that really helped me with other hurts that happened in my life and so i dealt with them sion and then i went through some hurt the church and so i ran a lot i had i knew that god was calling me for something great when i was sixteen so from thirteen i started opening up about my story a sixteen guy was giving me this is about doing great things influencing people and i was afraid i really was and so i ran from that and then through a series of hurt at church then i really ran and i was in the world for  i was drinking and i was about everything i could to get away from what god was trying to show to me and so then i finally came to a place where i began going to church again i began developing my relationship with god again and then got married and went through that hurt again and so i was in a place where i felt secluded again i felt like i was alone again but understand what i had been through i knew that somehow i wasn't alone and i knew they had to be another why going through what i went under and so instead of thinking about myself instead of walking away from my marriage god help me to look i were really and help me to be the change not only in my marriage but the start this global movement called wife and so that has always been my mission is that of looking out where we are or pointing the finger i've always said like what can i do to be the change to the situation so you had gotten married and shortly after that you will as you guys were in trouble yet your marriage was in trouble so you can you talk a we had our wedding actually where about celebrate two years april fourth gerry by the way and i think it was so beautiful the honeymoon beautiful we went to jamaica for weeks it was great we came back and my brother was arrested and they would not let him out on bail and that's my brother that my heart was so close to him and that broke me and then my husband he lost his job and so he sank into a deep depression i was depressed about my brother and also be a newbie with and with a lot of mess and we really didn't know how to fix it so we both shut down my husband shut down he stopped communicating and you know communication is key absolute relationship and so us not communicating we weren't growing closer together we were growing further and further apart we were fighting for no reason and just became frustrating was hilarious for you it was so scary it was lonely it was scary i didn't know how to be the wife that my husband needed at the time the going through my own stuff i didn't have really anyone i only had like my mom and maybe one more friend but i didn't have like a large connection the wives who really poured into me i had a lot of people who were single minded like they just didn't understand marriage and going back and so i have people around me who was pouring negativity into me saying oh just yell at it again if you don't deserve that just walk away he needs to get out of that he said take some self i don't have anyone saying this is what you should do like this is how we can help let's pray let's do something so i didn't have that and me six months it convicted me and i don't really think that i watched it i kind of watched it and proud at the same time but i was so busy just talking to god during the movie he was privileged so much to me during that movie that i had to watch again really but that is when i had an encounter with god and so that's when i begin to live our lives i'm not the only one going through it i need focus on me and i need to change me and let my creator yes change wasn't so do you monday describing the encounter that you had it was guilt because in a war room the why she was dealing with the issue with her husband she wasn't close to her husband and at first she kept trying to be the solution for him but that wasn't working and so i forgot the older you have to do is just go on his behalf in prayer and so to see that change is so guy was just revealing to me just if i just surrender to him and i gave my marriage over to him fully and allow him to re be in the midst of it that three stranded court that we're not about and really allow that to appen how beautiful it could be but then he started showing me imagine the impact you can have on other people yes and so i think by the end of the movie my eyes were swollen there was that ugly of a cry but he reveals home ice to me and after that movie i've changed my whole way of thinking and so how did your husband respond to all that thought something was wrong with really understand i think we got a new that we had been having our issues and i marriage and i think he probably just took the blame for like oh she just probably crime because she's her no god me yes yes and not understanding at that moment that i was really having an encounter with god it wasn't anything at all about him you know had you guys actually gotten to the point where you were considering divorcing oh absolutely ok was i was done i was really done with the marriage i was ready to file the paperwork i drove away we were out of town and i drove away actually took all his some of the car and i was like i'm taking a car you find your way  home and by the time i get whole i'm packing up everything and you need to find a new place to stay because i don't want this anymore no that's how them but i drove off and i pulled over to the fat room cried out the guy i didn't have wife up a support group at the time and so i just put please pray my marriage is under attack never forget that in november two thousand and fifteen i said that six months i put that and so of course people were calling trying to be nosey but i just really wanted people to pray and i tell you the prayers of the righteous yes of bail yes absolutely because you never know who to call on i know from my own personal experience it's just different things god and i was on the side of the road for about an hour and i finally came back i drove back to my husband you know we had to bow then by yes it wasn't like oh please you know we were like arguing and you know and then it symbol and the reason i do that is because the butterfly particularly the blue because it's like an african butterfly and everything and it really speaks to the beauty that comes out of struggle because when the butterfly is in the conclusion if you disturb the struggle you ruin the butterfly and the butterfly will never be able to fly the way it was on purpose to fly so that is such a strong metaphor for life and so what you guys do sort of being in that place and then that struggle but then what you just said was something beautiful emerged out of that business is so wonderful so can you shift a little bit so describe how you went from that place to ok we're staying together and their wife up came out of that yes so we have that the talk and then after that i was  so much passion because i knew that what we just had is only temporary if we don't have action to it so how did i lose our i think about action i went to my pastor when we came back from a town really after coming back out of town sort of a meeting with my and so i created a challenge called the wife of challenge and it was a thirty one day challenge that centered around the love languages five love the five love languages yeah and i've presented that to him he says should partner with my wife to do this i did not want to be the face of it ok i did not believe that i had the credibility i was only six months and i didn't think that  one i wanted to have behind my pastor's wife and because she had been married for twenty seven years or something that at that time and i was like i was a speed administrator and she said no this is something that god gave you i will support you because it won't be as effective if i do it for you you need to do it oh wow and so after that i said ok and i was like god i have no way so then he revealed to me that this challenge that i was doing was going to be beyond thirty one days it was just called the wife of challenge and he showed me that this was going to be a global movement a so instead of just doing the wife of challenge i created in january of two thousand and sixteen the wife of support group so i actually like that first ok went in the first day we launched it in the evening when the around five five o'clock went in the first hour i had about a thousand people who knew why wow two weeks later when the wife accounts started i had about fact five thousand people wow and to this day we're actually over twenty two thousand we have over twenty three thousand and they're all over the world all over the man this is the sea that just goes to show you that people are just people you know we've got all these ways that we divide and categorize in your this or you're that but the bottom line is we are all people we're all human beings we're all spirit beings and all of that and i think what you just described is a testimony started out introducing ourselves and showing pictures of us and our spouses and that love became known majors and people kept sharing people kept joining and it was just like a love fest it was also it was amazing and it's still amazing to see absolutely love the group i don't know everyone personally or even physically but this is opened up the door for so many women who naturally would not be able to connect but they are able to connect to such a way that is so powerful and i'm so excited that last year was really the foundation to do online stuff is that we really build the online marriage movement and this year god is doing those same types of things but more in person so now women are able to come together and do different things so i'm really excited about that can you describe some of the activities and after that you're go given that you live in the united states right and so you're doing a couple of things i know you have a couple of events that are going to be coming up is it your intention to take this and replicate it across the world absolutely ok so let's hear about that yes yes so we have we had a few events actually there just and we have an upcoming couple of marriage get away really excited about that in january i started a show called truth talk with husbands and so i want to take that and do different segments so can you describe it a little less absolutely this season we've been doing with husbands is always a panel that the wives they submit questions husband's perspective because it's really just what women want to know how guys think when you say you know mary they don't understand so we're just trying to gain understanding and so it has been hilarious it's been awesome it's been like and we're bringing true top to the get away oh no i'm really excited about it and it's going to be an amazing experience this is not your average marriage retreat at all so what do you have planned it is true state get away ok it's really like a collaborative wedding i'm really excited about so on the nineteenth of may we're going to have a formal ball you know dinner oh wow we're going to come together we're going to connect have a welcome reception in a formal ball and dinner and then on saturday we're going to have a to talk brunch now can i have off and this is this is in virginia yes this is a chance to leverage in yes ok yes not that far from here no not at all i've i'm not exactly going to only took me three hours to get here you know it's just a nice i we have a woman who's an erogenous coach and she is coming in and she's going to talk sex talk how to enhance their romance having a game but this and we're going to have a to marry couples just coming together every new ing their vows how beautiful is that exact some people may have never had a wedding maybe they've gone to the justice of peace there's no excited to come together with other like minded couples who care and fight for marriage coming together for this weekend for a transformational experience and for the guys who don't like sitting in class this is not what this giveaway is about is not this is a true give away where you can pour back into your marriage and it's going to be transformational so how many people are you expecting for that event my goal is to have fifty couples oh nice as and i actually want to bless a few people i'm actually taking donations on our web site know ok if anyone is single and they just believe in marriage if you are married and you just unable to come like we want to be a blessing to a couple or more like however much we raise if we're able to bless one or if we're able to bless one hundred someone else who you know may not be able to afford it so is this the web site charmaine carter dot com that's where people need to go to you can find it on the charmaine carter dot com but if you want to go directly to a couple of marriage get away you can go to hell oh i see it a way down excellent excellent now tell me about the sleep over because this is actually this is a women sleep oh yes yes and this is actually in new jersey in new jersey that so far you said forty five minutes away woodbridge so it's an insulin  literally right across the street from woodbridge and so it's at the renaissance woodbridge wholesale and this is going to be so awesome god gave me this vision of a sleep over conference and when you think about sleep over this is going to be so and to me my goal i always start with the end in mind and soul of goal is to connect it's going to be an opportunity to really build lifelong connection his wife up like i told you started online and so we already have the connections most of us so this is our first opportunity in this type of environment to really come together and to build on the relationships we've already built not just like when we started we started two hours we're connecting the area that i'm connecting yeah so we're going to come together we're going to connect build lifelong connections is going to be beyond the conference because like i told you my goal is to move this all over the world we're going to confide in one another that's what sleep overs is about we get intimate we talk about those things yeah cause it's hurt and deal with their hurt that causes us to get frustrated and we deal with that right and we're going to collaborat all of us have unique things about us and we're going to create opportunities through this leap over conference to collaborate and then i'm going to charge you because i'm all about empowerment right so during the conference you are going to get arch not only not a temporary charge but it's going to be a charge that is going to charge you for the rest of your life at this conference something that we can continue to charge other people because that's when it's up that's what it's about that's what it is about or you can just go to charmaine carter dot com and both of the get away and sleep over congress is there and then to get away it's going to happen every year but i mean i'm definitely want to my goal and my prayer is and to take that along to travel arou nation with and prayerfully frankly yes globally nice oh my god it's been such a pleasure such a pleasure to have met you and to be able to have you as a guest at the place the source what is that final words of wisdom that you want to leave with the audience today change starts from within don't point the finger focus on the inner the conclusion of another episode of the place the source i will see you next time but by