you can be a result of some you know pretty traumatic things that go on in people's lives but i think what's important is that how do you manage to overcome and that's what resilience is about is you know dealing with what has happened in your life but not falling apart not letting it destroy who you are but being able to basically pick yourself up and move one move on right on right and everybody handles those  handled back quite differently you know some people it takes a little bit longer some times it takes a shorter laughter that some people never actually let themselves feel the pain and i think they bottle it up and so i think that's more dangerous than trying to do it because i think what it ultimately does it it really just kind of eats away at who you are and it limits what journey where something really painful when my dad and asked away if you know when a parent passes away or of somebody very close to you you just never know how you're going to react and my reaction was i could never talk about my dad for an entire year without bursting and you know like some of my other family members they handled it differently and sometimes they will bottle up things and after that period was finished i just remembered all the the good things and the things that he taught you and you know different things like that so did you have a well i mean i can talk about two things for me and that's really the reason why the li  which was my sister's only child and i as a magistrate we were together today that she called and she said he was in the hospital and i said i'll be there the next day and i was there the next day and  they had given him some medication to to paralyze him because he kept pulling the tubes and so forth and so initially you know he wasn't responsible over over the next day or so they were able to you know at least  take him off the medicine and i can remember i never had the opportunity to speak to him when he and i talked because of its hooves but i remember clearly at one point reaching over and saying to him i'm here i'm here and he reached combat and on you know as we maybe about ten minutes after we left the hospital they called back and they said you know he's not doing good we can't stabilize him so we turned around and basically we were sitting in his room waiting for him to die and at one point i remember because we you know they had you in the mass and things i remember jumping up and just ripping it off and i ran out and the nurse came out i says i can't see my nephew don i just that will kill me right but my sister and her husband stayed in the room and after he passed i came back in a room and i remember just kissing him and hugging him and saying my baby my baby because yeah yeah like your body didn't like my baby so for me i think i'm still we'll have moments that i think of him and for him for us it was tough because we had laws other family members and it was all right around thanksgiving those were the thanksgiving holiday is time with the always together so i think for people listening i understand that sometimes it takes time yes and give yourself permission to say but i think for me the reason to be resilient in that situation was i had to stay strong for my sister yeah right so i couldn't see her let her see me fall apart because i had to be strong for her right and you know we're getting through it we're going to do it yeah i know it wasn't that long ago and that happened right you know yeah so today we have a special guest that has had some challenges in life but her journey on her resilient journey has been a beautiful but i wanted to share yeah so shar sharon so much for agreeing to share your story and you know all the tips that you have so welcome yeah and share with we kind of people don't know she's here at princeton t v s so we  it's great to have a chance to interview you and share your story with with our like two point zero audience thank you and first i want to say sorry for your loss and didn't know that about your nephew and i'm sure brought me  back yeah yeah so sharon to share a little bit about you know who you are and how you got here ok well i just want to take you back to the first tragedy and then just share a little bit about the and he froze i so that was that was probably the hardest tragedy because it was my first taste of like sudden yeah a lot of my coworkers and friends couldn't really because at age thirty six was not a whole lot of people who have lost their right wing exactly and after the aftermath of that was like how are your parents how are your parents who are your parents who were your parents but there was really not a lot of support we shan't yeah right right and i think you know probably most of your viewers have been through something yeah yeah yeah but there's that timeline that gets divided wins the road gets pulled out from under you of like that was before tim died that was after was more expected and that was my husband has been fairly young that was six years ago and he got diagnosed with an incurable cancer and you know the interesting thing about that is he would think that maybe we would rally together we had a very different difference we had a lot of differences of opinion on how that should be handled health wise and why he would kind of wanted to go out  yeah yeah yeah yeah and it was really just a way of me to want to control it so i had to let go of that i'm like ok i could like argue with him until he dies or i could just let him have his way the way he want to yeah yeah so that was of course difficult enough to lose you know yeah last thing i thought i was going to do was was this sal city i think i was in my forty's at the time and then nine months later my i was i had a fire with a girlfriend one very warm night in january is a freak warm night  degrees and worried and we had had a fire in this fire pit many many many times and that night i didn't douse the fire completely and the wind swept the wind up and it caught something else on fire and i woke up at four a to the back of the house oh my god yes and i knew i had about ten minutes to get out if that and i had to just i couldn't find a phone to scramble that way so i got outside got one of the pets outside the other pets inside the end result was there was no water in the fire hydrants to fight the fire in the entire neighborhood while the the system had collapsed or the p s i i was very low  and as a result there was damage to my neighbors houses the fire was had a lot of complications because of that it was the no water damage but so anyway but the whole house burned part and i lost a lot and so i lost every every possession and i lost one of my dogs and yeah so i had lost two thirds of the living creatures i live on believable but how did you start picking up the pieces i mean what does one do when you lose your house like well physically there's a lot to do you have to call the internet right right yeah  lots of collections for me i would be the temporary space but you know just one thing at a time just making a list of the things i had to get back like try to get a passport without would be the first thing that you place that you have to do you have to go and get your life yes ok ok so it's a part of the easiest and most immediate thing to to how do you know i mean in the license plates you have to have this many id things year you had three traumatic things happen did you pretty much have to put them in a box that deal with this one for some now deal with this i coude how does all that emotion how do you separate them how do you process it or it just kind of happened do you remember i was i remember being just an emotional mess that i got you know i did do post some post traumatic stress therapy bureaus hydrants work not seen the infrastructure work was very traumatic for me and i started to think that anything manmade might not yeah might not work properly so i thought graduate crumble ok people stress from that he yeah wow had to deal with it and i think you know i think i got a friend's friend to help me like say like i would just talk to her and so they tell me what to do first so i don't even know i yeah yeah and ok like do this right right right yeah because emotionally you can't like it can mean it's like it's overwhelming so i don't know if it would be total shut down because what do you think about what do you think about that's not going to hurt you know what i'm saying and at this point you just don't want to hurt you don't want to feel hurt so all the time in order to stop hurting yeah you know i started to say like what what what is going to make you happy  and so you can see it makes me happy just talk about it so i said all right that's going to be one thing like air that's right yeah yeah yeah so did you get a chance to go after ok i think when you and i talked you actually went back you lived there for a while after the fire you know you know just just close it ok yeah yeah yeah so that sort of gave you that boost to get to the next thing and it's also putting you in an entirely new environment and so and i love france too excited ok i understand yeah but i certainly understand that that just physically being away so it's being physically away from what's going on but then being in a place where you know true love being so what are some of the other things that you found yourself started you know you started doing some of the other things this to make that next happy moment the next happy thing and sort of start shifting your whole mind to how do i rebuild my life now how do i rebuild or what i did so both well what did you did do first and then how did right wired right so just goes i mean every single guest that we've had who they're sharing their their transition their journey every single story starts with somehow what you want that vision that is i'm just sell things come to create what you envision and imagine and they come to yeah yeah but you know it's it's really it's really powerful to write things down really really powerful because like right now i'm constantly cleaning clutter and getting rid of stuff and i'm constantly finding pieces of paper or something that i wrote in a journal or something that is actually come to pass right exactly the way i had envisioned it right so it's so powerful that you know that those things happen so that's awesome so what else i know you did some other things just i strongly believe in an appreciation list yeah so i like to call it appreciation rather than gratitude ok like that term can get kind of big and i feel like number one rule where mumbled one tip is to keep the gratitude list because you will find things that you see if you well guess my yeah yeah yeah just simply waking up is saying today because some people are yeah yeah one of the things about the fire i was spending so much time going through my husband's things and saying like what am i going to do with this is something i want to keep it was really that that a lo that right so you got the appreciation list travel and i know you you're really into reading books and health you know yes so there's two others i picked like three things that there was a book the most instrumental book was a book about coincidences i love coincidences were some people say none such thing right right but i just called them that because yes yeah i just have to give it away yeah  yeah there's a deepak took her book called the spontaneous fulfillment of desire and it's a book about coincidences of the increase of them or like tracking coincidences and also kind of as a way of  right yeah yeah yeah you don't need to do much you need to meditate what yeah two times a day here's a month trying to actually use writing to build this alter and i was and yeah you know think about these things and that's it and i can do that yeah and i have to say that that has that was it was fun yeah yeah yeah you know just tracking the coincidence yeah yeah yeah so say the name of the book again yeah and speaking of the vortex so and manifestation like one of the things that i always wanted was i never had nice nails because they were always a bit like i'm just i'm just a nervous person saying if i'm doing something nice for you and i'm reaching out to you it's also doing something for me as well yeah well the thing you know to take that a step further is if you think about it is when you do something for someone with no expectation you have a certain level of appreciation and you feel really good you help that person feel good and i think when other people don't want don't like i push you back and them a card and gift card or something like that and when i do that for their kids not because i'm doing it because they did it but i want to then are like oh no no no you have to do that well give me the pleasure of doing something something ni you too because i want to you know so i think we need to remember it's a two way it's a two ways st it's not always about that ok so i know sharon that we didn't get a chance to talk about this but you do play tips and just the journey of you know it's ok things happen and i mean i said we all kind of started out with you know sad story but it doesn't end that way yeah it only ends that way if you if you let