hello and welcome to another episode of despite the challenge is a show where we showcase amazing people who despite their competing circumstances and challenges the phase in their lives not only they overcome themselves but they go and the journey that took her from that point on to now let's hear directly from tanisha herself to michelle welcome to the show thank you it's so like you said i was diagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome at the age of twenty five  and actually just by happenstance i had never heard of it before that and i just happened to be added dr were a doctor's office where the primary physician there was a p c o s by specialists and so because she was there many of the physicians on staff were more educated about it they knew to look for it and so i stayed with this doctor for a couple years about two years or so and she was just watching conferencing this diagnosis for the rest of my life that there were going to be some challenges with respect to the life i needed to live medical conditions that i was at a higher  risk for you know if i didn't properly manage it it also meant that you know as a woman this was most important to me and that i may have some struggles with fertility ok so that is the most common  and so my symptoms were that i had pretty severe acne my face was working out a lot i had gained quite a bit of weight and was having a really difficult time getting it off and so i had developed an insulin resistance which resembles what you see in diabetics yes and so what they diagnosis as pre diabetic which is another term that people are very familiar with so when you tell someone you're pre diabetic they're like there's no such thing you're aware of the sender it may have worked on your advantage it did so i was able to so i had acne i was struggling with the weight loss i had insulin resistance and and they never did test to see where there a i actually had a cyst on my ovaries people think because it's called polycystic ovarian syndrome that that's one of the things that you have to have and it's not actually fertility is a consequence because we have  psyche is inconsistent as well and so those were my symptoms i was having really irregular sometimes two to three times a month it was very challenging and not long after my diagnosis because i'm kind of a type a person and i wanted to know everything about it i never heard a lot of what i wanted to know what this all meant because even in her telling me what the symptoms were and that there was no cure and all that i didn't still have a good sense yet of what cable what does that mean for me for my life and so the more i learned about it instead of feeling you know incursion oh great i'm going to take this thing on i completely rejected it you know at that time  you know i was twenty five and you know i wasn't yet married but i knew i wanted to be married i knew i wanted to have children and so for me even though every woman with p c o s does not experience issues with fertility that was the biggest symptom for me that stood out the one that challenge me the most because a lot of you know who we think we are as women and who we're going to be our womanhood is wrapped up in our ability to be mothers  or was it struggle for you to kind of find more information or studies or reach out to the right kind of medical professional was well luckily for me i was already with the right had a medical professional it was a little bit challenging not so much to find books i did eventually not right away but eventually find books because it's been a known diagnosis i think for about fifty five years too to know but one of the biggest challenges was coming to an acceptance in my mind and going out to seek the knowledge there were you know i live in a major city so there were support groups and things and i was at a doctor's office that was connected to a support group but i was not ready to accept the challenges  going to come with this diagnosis and everything that i met i wasn't reading and so you know i would see one in denial i was i was in denial and i was in denial and i just refused to address it refused to do the things that my doctor was telling me  i refused to hear what was still possible you know i immediately took on the everything that i was going to lose i immediately took on everything every struggle that it was going to bring and so the hope of you know well even with the sentence and even with this you can manage it you know you can overcome it and you so you know we would have children i just completely shut down so that immediately you know targeted in on but what about me wanting to be a mom what about that so that was a turning point well no the turning point i think for me because there was a couple of the first turning point was shortly after i got married still in denial still and resistance you know about a month after my husband and i were married we found out that we were pregnant and the whole ordeal around that was really traumatic it was mad a joyous occasion or anything like that i was at the doctor because i noticed that something was just off and s had me my body off for a while so it's used to off but even more so than that and so i had said to him if it doesn't if things aren't better by monday i'll go and so by monday they weren't i wet and the doctor because they seem to almost always give you have produced every time you go to the doctor she came in and she didn't look happy and it was almost like will you're pregnant what do you mean you know and so you know from there  she said you know you're pregnant but you have either miscarried already or you're miscarrying and so she sent me across the street to the hospital to essentially have the pregnancy terminated but when they tested me you know or when we went over there they said well you know we can't find the baby or whatever and so you must pass it but we'll you know draw your blood in a couple days to see and so to make a long story short over the next two weeks i went to the doctor just about every three days figuring out trying to get a definitive answer on whether or not i was going to be a viable pregnancy or not because first they told me you know i had miscarried and then i went back to the doctor that first time they said oh no you're so hartman and so we went through that so i wasn't kind of an a couple of weeks always a very agonizing couple of weeks and so you know eventually you know after one appointment when it seemed like things were looking hopeful before i could even get out of the parking lot all of a sudden i was an extreme amount of speaking yet what even more than that the doctor said you know it's a good thing we caught it because that internal bleeding you could have died because of that and the hard part was that i've always been a woman the face never probably as grounded in my faith as i have now but i've always known about god i've always believed in god and even when i first was diagnosed and throughout my denial period you know i missed using my faith and i was like you know i don't accept this you know god is able and all of that and he is he is all those things but they're still you know that was only part of it you know there was still something i had to do you know there is a verse from bible says faith without works is death you know and so i needed to do something and the hiding it and that sharing it and then it's you know trying to overcome it and adding my faith on so that and then helping others kept me from being able to overcome so i remember praying you know during this two week ordeal before the emergency surgery praying to god and asking him to make this a viable pregnancy because i already knew i had p c o s i knew it was already a miracle in and of itself that i was able to get mitt and you know we weren't even trying we weren't even trying it just was something that kind of happened and i really really wanted a pregnancy so i was really angry you know when it turned out and then i left feeling even more discouraged because now i felt now i'm one two down and it's going to be even more challenging and i was really really mad at god because i was like why you know i want to be a mother this is you know a very strong passion and so p c o s and now one of with the scars that i had to look at every day i have to scars on my abdomen because they weren't sure initially when they were going to have to say groove tubes and so that way for almost that first year after that i was just angry i was just angry and i kept trying to move my feet but deep down under i was still anger india till i was angry at god i was angry at god and i wanted to trust and believe that you know the promise that i felt in my heart that he had made so many you know why would you give me such a strong desire to be a mother if you were not going to allow that to happen and i did it i don't think i had enough word in me yet that i was able to resolve that and so it became very difficult and you know i remember you know a friend of ours from church headed you know who was pregnant the same time as i was and but you know her her baby you know came to be him i did not and they wanted me to help clean her baby shower and i thought i was strong enough to do it and i did do it but i remember at some point during that night being in the bathroom crying wanting to go home because i was so connected to exactly how far along she was that's how far along i would have been and it was really really you know a challenge it was really really a challenge for me so you know that was the one turning point you know what there's a victory in this story and you know in january of this year as i continue to you know develop in my faith and you know can it continue to you know trust and believe in god even around other things even though i was still not completely certain yet you know how his will his power would manifest in this situation i my faith was developing in other areas and so in january i came to the understanding i came across the scripture again that faith without works is dead and i was listening to a show a program on the radio and they were talking about the scripture where they say that you know for god is not give us a spirit of fear but of love and of power and of a sound mind and they were saying you know in one translation i think with a well this wednesday as a matter of fact they were saying you know in some translations is so self discipline which means that anything that you need to do you can pray and ask got invite him into that thing and he will give you the discipline to do what you need to do so i finally decided ok i would finally do what the doctors are asking me to do or take the medicine they were asking me that sake and i would really work to you know try to live a healthy active lifestyle so that i could get my weight down because what i came to know about my personal experience is that the more i had my weight under control the less my symptoms were so long and i would go down you know i would have much more regular measurable cycles and i would fill you know better because fatigue was also a symptom that i had that when i was really really busy i wasn't as present to but when life slowed down a little bit i was much more present to how  frequently i felt fatigued and also how frequently i felt depressed to how many how how long between your miscarriage and two years earlier yeah two years had been pretty pretty challenging and yet every aspect yes is equal emotional spiritual yes it was it was very very challenging looking back on it now i i don't think i even realized how bad it was how bad i  how you know bound how much in bondage i felt to this thing until i achieve some level of freedom you sound like look like you have much more control on emotions yes and i can't see what goes inside but i think you are in a much better such place right now absolutely i feel freer now than i have ever felt and so in january i started my journey to begin living a healthy active life sound which it was awesome you know i came down like almost twenty five pounds to draw i was feeling in mazing and yet i think i thought the weight loss would do with you know feeling better would do when you know the symptoms came down and that was awesome  but some level i was still present too i wasn't i had conquered it yet in motion only i had conquered it i had started the journey from conquering it to my physical body but i hadn't conquered it yet emotionally what was at the top do the things that will allow you to live a joyous life in spite of in spite of and my state was going to be a part of that i just didn't know how you know how i was going to fit in at that point a so let's go back to the faith and it said that well throughout your to what took place so after you know i started the healthy active lifestyle joining in january and then in my birthday in june you know i had come down i had lost weight so no babies  pregnant people were popping up all around me and so on and dated you know which childbirth with pregnancies with baby showers and things like that something that wasn't really really present i was focused on getting my body ready and then i felt like ok we've made significant progress you know this is it this should happen and a couple of months went by and nothing happened and i began to fall back into a depression i felt the shame i think was around a lot while p c o s like i said before i was diagnosed i had never heard of it and so most people had never heard of it and so is struggling with something that when people ask about you have to tell them about they don't know about been married two years and we still don't have any biological children and everywhere you go people are like a way for you maybe scum all when you rain's going to come like every time someone sees you they talk to you about babies and you know you don't have the kind of relationship with everyone aware you get into the whole story of you know what the understeering says are what you feel it and so every time you go places you're reminded that you don't have any babies as it becomes very hard to answer yes to especially in a casual conversations right now and it's emotionally extremely difficult it is it's really so it's really living the pain each time someone tell us tell us what took place how it changed your life in and what you had been up to so in this you know pursuit you know i told you i was just thought that i was trying to find you know purpose i was trying to connect with got another way i wanted to deepen my fee i wanted to get present to what was my purpose and start to begin to live that thing and in devotionals one morning he brought some i remember the story of paul and the thorn and so i went to second corinthians twelve minutes and  i began to read that story and in those two verses it says my grace is sufficient for you and it's talks about the fact that in your weakness my strength is made perfect and so then paul says you know so i will gladly both in my weakness you know that you are striving to be glorified and so it just seemed a lie it wasn't like it was a snorri that i've never heard before google was on like it was a passage of scripture that i had never read before but something about that day in the space that i was in wanting to get to a new place in god and really chasing after that there was a revelation that i had about it that i never had before and i wasn't even really thinking about it in relation to p c o s but that was the immediate revelation i got about it this is your thor so in that moment it kind of presenting a whole new meaning to you absolutely it presented a whole new meaning for me and all of a sudden in a way that i hadn't been able to get it in like eight moment i got it i was immediately free i was immediately around free and all of a sudden i have this new understanding of it this is my form and if i want to glorify god if i want to you know allow you know create a space where he can use me and he can give me a purpose i have to be willing to have that and i about the fact that he is good and he does keep his promises and all of these things and so it so happened to coincide with september which i that and so i think social media is really big right now yes september first i found the p c o s awareness picture and i use my instagram and i wrote a really long message just explaining to people what my journey had been and the revelation i had had that gave me the strength and the courage to be able to say yes i have policies to go various and yes this is something that is challenging me and hope at that point i don't even think i knew that it would take on the kind of life and the momentum that it really has taken on i was just so happy to get it in our e and an understanding that the more that i boast about it the more strength that god will give me to managing her function and the more that he will be glorified and so best really where it started and then it kind of just took on his life and the more and more i did it it was like every day every more powerful more freedom more alpha more freedom and then i became aware of that at some point this mother started being stopped being so much about me and started being like this healthy people this is helping people this is helping women who had it didn't know anyone else who had it didn't knew that they needed to educate themselves you know this is help or signaling the sellers really validate it and so it was like every day something every day and so i did i post facts i post little test and questions that you can ask to you know discover whether or not it's something you need to be specifically talking to your doctor about i began to read educate myself and learn about meanest thing in a different way you know i want to live and so you know women were contacting me and discovering that they had you know people were contacting me and saying i answered every question yes to the thing that you put out what do i do next sounds like you need to that was just a declaration to myself and i will conquer this thing and i will conquer and cries out conquer it through my faith and how did faith come back to the same level that you because i you know like i said i'm a woman of faith and i know and you can hear it even in the west week about it i can tell you lots of different pieces all the word says this of the word so sad and i know but this one stuck with me in such a way that i can tell you exactly where it is there's not very many scriptures i can say oh you know it's psalms forty seven too like there are i can tell you what it says the word has been planted in my heart but i can't like i can go exactly to what i know what it was you had a family  anchor anchor it was an anchor for me yet while you know maybe it was more like a life preserver what else what what's the the most important message you would like to share with our viewers the most important message i want to share is that you know there are over five million women in the united states who are impacted by polycystic ovarian syndrome it's estimated that one in ten women suffers from this and yet in the month of september you've not seen one commercial you've not in been in one store and seen one item that you could purchase to bring awareness you've not seen anyone raise money you've not seen a celebrity on t v not seen a sports team you know turned their jersey steel in recognition of the five million women just in the united states to have this and worldwide number two would be much larger and as says you've mentioned it's a little known yes there's a lot of awareness about it and what do you see yourself doing and i think that i'm going to wind up being a strong advocate for p c o s women who have it's going courage and empower them that you know there's no cure but that doesn't mean it can't be conquered and to bring awareness it is i really am struggling with the fact that you know there are so research you know advocate for people to really do some studies on the medications that they're giving us to treat this you know is this boy get it or do i get it a bit better better care or a better awareness better support better recognition you know it doesn't have the same impact as like a breast cancer or heart disease or something like that but a one way p c o s is forty seven times more likely to have heart attack she's more likely to have diabetes by the age of forty my are likely to have high blood pressure high cholesterol to be you know to suffer from obesity to suffer from depression so the impact is still large slight you know not in the saying you know it's not the same impact but it is an impact and women need to be educated on it