princeton public to pick princeton t v is also a wonderful wonderful place they are having a membership drive so if you're a big fan of prince prince t v prince t v dot org which runs cowpie improv every monday night at eight o'clock and every wednesday at midnight actually that's there is it is of wednesday late thursday at midnight and i have to check that out is what a wonderful show is and we have our other show too which is tommy duck show which is a puppet version of me and my friend doug and we talk about ourselves play or own music music and the other thing we're going to talk about oh we have this a special moment coming up here and what we need to do is we need to set up the stage i'm going to set up a stage we have a rule because we have a comedian who comes up and reads jokes and therefore the jokes make you laugh and then you will be all primed and ready to go when the real comic interest the room so we have it all figured out grows them in the freezer to teach him a lesson here's the parents he's screaming and then and there for a while and then the same parents why it and so the man opens the freezer door in the parrot walks out looks at him and says i apologize for offending you and i humbly ask your forgiveness and the man says thank you i forgive you and the parrot says but if you don't mind my asking  professionals here one day a guy answers his door and finds a snail at his doorstep and the guy picks it up and tosses it in the garden two years later he hears a knock on his door he opens the door and finds the same snail and the snail says hey what was that all about york city the female was out there on time but the mail or arrived an hour late were you i was worried sick it was such a nice day i decided to go for a walk and gentlemen daniel caprio has been performing comedy in front of a wide range of audiences across new york pennsylvania delaware and of course our wonderful whole of new jersey over the last five years and by been happier as he has been called bob guard but we thank you thank you so much i wrote that biography by the way thank you it's good that nakedness was brought up as well because i do have material on that ironically for this evening it's good to be here it's a hi shelley how are you nice to see you thank you i it's cold in here it really is i still have i still have my jacket on i paid a lot of money for this jacket so i want to get some use out of it it's so cold in here guys i can cut an ice sculpture with my new polls right now and if there's any romantics in this room i can cut you an engagement ring it's going to take all nine months but i could do it i can't and if you're on if you're on the cheap i could do a cubic zirconium so so let me know how are you so that i was trying to gauge the audience i kept peek in my head in here in an out lot of good hats lot of good hats tonight i'm a sucker for a good hat in a good shack it was wonderful i wore my special glasses for this evening it's my mom's going to be watching this i want to look nice you know because it's the holidays you know it's the holiday season guys you know anybody anybody excited not the reaction i was expecting wow you know i'm out of money no i i'm going to skip that because i want to talk about i want to talk about something heavy that seems to happen to me over the what is the protocol for calling out of being a pall bearer you can't you can't really do it that day of what kind of excuse would you give it's like look i know i know i made that big commitment but i know i'm dead to i will not be able to make it i  am not i'm not even in physical form right now so i would be no use to you but please know i will be there literally in spirit it's only going to go worse know i i've noticed this guys throughout your life you're going to be invited to funerals where you don't know the person that the event is for and you will go anyway and you will not be happy because you were you might be hung over that morning or some other he said but you know how you can get back at them you know you can do your avenge you know a little sign in book that they have in the front right any name you want in there any name that way when that when the person takes it home they open it up they're like oh my god it was so good to see susan i haven't seen her in fifteen years she brought her whole family out to support us in our time of need but with who is special but i don't like when i go to suppress it i think snoopy was on acid i really do because there is only one way to explain why he's on top of his doghouse and he thinks he's a world war one fighter pilot thank you i wrote that show three and a half years ago i did not think that would work out so i put a right to middle my ex my ex going to take my jacket off for this i love my my ex girlfriend she she used to have a lot of cute pet names for me anybody have a have a significant other that gives them pet names of little animals she called me walrus hand one time i thought are we breaking up is this is a term what does that mean walrus hand i thought you would help me out with that shelly i still to this day we've been broken up for years i still don't know what that means i don't know if anybody in here in an active relationship oh no we're all just oh has that going so together for the holidays it's good to see that it's good to see it's good to see young couples in love it really is guys touching my heart really well yeah don't make me do crowd i like how you read the jokes out of a book i think that's i think that's where my career is heading i'm just going to get it i got this chill i booked i've realized how little like clean jokes i actually do write so  i bought this joke book for children and i thought about doing jokes out of that but i thought i wrote that biography for myself and i describe myself as on guard there's nothing of on guard about stealing jokes from a children's book there's not said this when my brother and i were growing up we lived in and in a townhouse with no central air conditioning so in the summertime we get brutally hot in there would be no cross breeze sure we would ask her if there was a fan somewhere or an air conditioner in far right this late she sounds like this by the way this is a literal impression finally we just center over the edge one night we're like mom were hot please do we have a stand up fan and she's like think of how cold the my heart is towards your father right now an article heart guys i went to bed and i never woke up again from that s those glasses make me look too too passive i don't want to be that anymore get back to my ex girlfriend i see sometimes in a relationship guys you want to get your significant other a unique gift you want to stand out amongst all the other relationships they had so my ex one year she asked me for a platypus she did this and i got it for i did i do got it i had to go through a lot of shady italian business men just to get a hold but i didn't do enough research because it turns out that the male species the plaid apply has to poison is the hoax on its hind legs that's right and one night she petted it too much and i got a phone call from the hospital she's like are the the person on the other end was like is this dana capper i said yes it is and they said we found your number in your girlfriend's emergency contact list she's been poisoned have either one of you been in contact with the platypus by any chance recently and i said no so i tell that to the hospital and i see my girlfriend she's laying there on the hospital bed unconscious because i broke it off right there i broke it right off because if there's one thing i can't have in a relationship it's lack of communication that bad and this happened to be right before christmas but i said no we can't do this that's right so so i am currently on the no contact rule permanently and  also is as well but from everyone on her side of the family she's not really in a coma the somebody was doing dirty songs before i got up here what was he saying about suggestive hey i got suggestive material thank you thank you for i don't plan on doing crowd work this early there with thank you i noticed this i don't like this especially seeing this i've seen a lot of his around his i don't like you bumper stickers any more i don't like seeing those like dog grandma seem all over the place around here you see a family but it's all stick figure cats and like one old lady but the worst one the worst one guys is this who rescued who who rescued who shelly i would hope it was the human and not the other way around you know you  a mama like that one shot out of topic eyes and i know i have something that i can do with it i love doing this come on you guys are fun the military i was denied from the military you know why i'm not saying my mom's watching it's next topic what football was too much money betting on a fantasy football not my fantasy was a thousand dollars that weekend anybody else i like to do things in threes what explain that i like to think of smart but i have no idea what you're talking about  really that's that's very unique how long you been doing that for my god you think you could hypnotize me don't do that now i don't because i'm in the middle of an actual know i i noticed this about about lift drivers you know you can you can they can rate passengers and passengers can rate them so i thought to myself if i'm ever if i'm a lift driver and i'm driving and it turns out that my passengers i have to pick up is naked in the middle of the street i'm going to keep moving no matter what their star rating because you know what i'm thinkin where is your phone where is your fault how did you get in contact with me where is seen that that they literally but dial me to get here if i could i give them five stars right there but i'm not picking them up now and then turn around on the flip side let's say i'm the one that's naked i'd expect nothing but a five star rating every ride every ride and i'll be taking a certain pill to make sure let's just put it this way my my car is a is an automatic not not in this case a stick shift all night long all night because i am italian i got to keep my hands free to talk for that for those who are it's got to keep the wheel clear how much time do i have left is love the four minutes for clean minutes is a tall order to learn from and i don't want to look at anything i wrote down i really don't want to it was all jumbled i don't want the book i'd rather read out of the like the bible or something like that and then the joke book i don't have one though actually i made myself thanksgiving dinner because i worked on thanksgiving this year i don't know i mean a lot of money it's a split second decision to decide should i do this or this both bad it's coming out both ends and that was because of my i had to listen to my roommate he's like my mom made this so i figure it's safe i got poisoned by my friend my my my ex girlfriend got pushed by a platypus i got poisoned by turkey meat i deserved it it's a no good to have a good relationship with her i tried to avoid it and it was tough because she was always on her porch that's all the impressions are right it was it oh last break our it's all right i'm trying to think of something and with it's that's not dirty so i one more topic about somebody in a back pack with me on purpose i want you to do it about you television i don't watch it anymore i used to carry groceries went out this is a nice story i used to carry groceries i was seven years old i was it i was a young go getter and i used to walk to the grocery store by myself when i seven years old and try to help people out and carry groceries that are car i did this this is before i had extensive knowledge of on mark dangerous i mean like it why did my dad let me do that i got to tell from his kid up go carry groceries by yourself i had a brother who could have came with me by yourself  i don't believe it no no my up my neighbor one year he to rest up as santa claus and he came into my parents made a big deal out of it like santa claus is here santa claus is there and i looked at him and i'm like not only does he smell like scotch and the cologne that i know that this guy wears he also he also was talking about how much money he lost on the bills game that week and i knew it was skipped the entire time guys your you have been a phenomenal audience i love you and i love my mother despite this act my name is daniel caprio look for me on social media good night i love you lawrenceville new jersey court quintet as a breath of fresh air with catchy tunes and high live performance energy comparing their male female vocal blend to jefferson starship and fleetwood mac so that's website beatles band dot com and also their location on facebook as well the other wa gone to tell you that i will always be there just another thing  bet i don't want to ruin your day here but i can't live my life with you standing in  man thank you thank you very much thank you oh she's doing but you can check my microphone all right we're checking her microphone but people it's funny when i play a club and like people i like turning it up and you will hear this know what he's really or they don't get it because they're like the volunteer sound person yeah usually it's like the sound guy sick or whatever so they're like ok yes i was like you'll see you'll see and they're like that's going to be her guitar w thank you i'm going to just go get my water song i was entering a relationship where my previous serious relationship was a little bit traumatizing for me and it was like that young love or it's like right before you become an adult and you're like oh that's not with that should i have the feeling i what if i just sing out of both one performance the song or the emotion if i don't know before it was rebuilt to look this party there back then there were windows and there was a stage that we didn't use he performed next to the stage  i think there was popcorn there is popcorn i was really young and with this whole pledge music thing that we're talking about there's some footage from that performance the first performance i sang of my dad and his last performance here and ever is in the video which is pretty intense and really cool and it took me a long time to write a song about him because you know when you lot lose your dad in your fourteen it's kind of overwhelming and hard to process so it only took me like twenty years to write it you know but i did it so this is called letter to my father  really had friends had some family that i didn't really know that well in and it made me who i am right now it's called fear be the hardest w always seems to me always seems to be thank you for joining u