hello there and welcome to the place the solor where we make it a point to invest in the growth and development of people and helping you to store as high as you want in your life today we have a most fabulous guest her name is sir ralph mcfarland yes i met her very recently when gal and i decided that we were going to get our life coaching certificate and surreal was one of those wonderful people that we met a holistic medicine sharon is an experience r and a health care ministry or and my favorite a reiki master and a certified life coach she provides expert compassionate and quality nursing care and clinical areas such as hospitals community care for the chronically ill and physically disabled in the foster care system mental health care for individuals with intellectual disabilities she's very passionate about advocacy and empowerment she integrates energy healing and wellness coaching and able in her clients to experience of emotional physical and mental balance the client and collaborate to develop strategies which one powered them to be to make a form and desire life health and wellness decisions for themselves and for their is their loved ones she is also the founder of t n t reiki and new york city so i'm have had five of my alger for fifteen years chronic fatigue syndrome and that has catapulted me into being in a specific transition in my life  being in this transition i have definitely been able to discover myself and also know that i'm supposed to be here educating and empowering people so my goal that is absolutely my goal that is absolutely my life purpose and so moving forward that's that's all i'm going to be doing so when we were at the certification class you were like one of the first people that you know sometimes you go somewhere and you're in a situation and there's just like one person i would crowd that you kind of really connect with and that for me that was you and i'm so glad that i know you have the opportunity to hang out with her for lunch and and all kinds of good things like that so tell us a little bit about your journey you mentioned that you were five mile jim sure there are people in our audience who may have a similar situation so can you tell us a little bit about your journey and and that sort of things absolutely well you actually said all the things i used to do you know you grow up knowing that well i'm going to be this i'm going to be nice i'm going to be a doctor i'm going to be all these things and so i did it so i knew i was go be a nurse i'm going to help people you know all these wonderful things and so became my journey of which field do i fit in where do i fit and all of the way i just found myself fitting into advocacy roles where people can really help themselves to the fullest you know as opposed to care you know they can't really help themselves elderly they can't they need a little more they need that push they need someone to really give them you know a little extra help you know a little nurturing you know and i find myself in that capacity and i found myself as a minister because you're able to guide people you're able to talk to people you're able to create change develop resources develop policies to help people and so here i am thinking that i'm one of the jury and i've had you know a bad had five or mild for a really long time to say fifteen plus years ago and so all of this still pushing through it actually took me thirteen i'm embarrassed to say thirteen years to finish my masters because whatever i do like i'm i'm an administrator i'm going to have my masters and this i'm going to get education behind it so i pressed send on my last paper or my master's press and two three days later i was out sick sick like a dog couldn't get up and i was one of why all of a sudden can't i can't move i can do anything and people say well you know the stress the anxiety and everything is over part of that's true that's absolutely true but the other part was is that firmly believe that i was being guided to do something else and that was not for you that is not for you sure also i'm stopping you dead in your tracks before you get completely crazy and start doing something that is not for you i always knew that with me being ill and  going to traditional doctors and not getting the care that i needed required and deserved a lot of the times because of the lack of understanding behind that onus itself and the lack of belief in it a lot of times that you left not getting the care that you need and you're still sick and you still having to prove to people that you're not well and people look at you and say ah fabulous but you just do not say but that's not necessarily true and that is not actually true at all for many people and even for me and so what happened is i turned to holistic medicine in terms of trying to find alternatives for me that would help me so began a long time ago with me taking supplements and different things in order for me to get the healing that i knew that i needed and just along the way i started learning things learning about my body learning about different things and like i need to share this because when you look at the cost a lot of terms of holistic medicine and how and if you try to is doesn't go into insurance by the way so then you know you're trying to go to to find your help you find your healing you get this all this person is really going to help me  was a thousand dollars the other that what and of course that you know a lot of people also didn't understand about it they don't know about it they always think that i have to turn to my local doctor this is what has to be done you know the traditional way of doing things i'm like how sad is that you know you only if you have the means if you have the resources if you're in the know can you get this type of care like how how awful so how can i bring this to my community how can i educate people on their choices or their options on things that i didn't know that existed so i can explore things for me that might be better for me how many people don't want to take their meds when they're  you know so correct to assume that there was a period of time where you were going to the medical profession letting them know there's something going on and so how did it come to be that you got that final diagnosis and you knew that this was what your situation was five miles is a disorder of exclusion so they don't look at us and just diagnose yeah you know they they have to say it's not lyme disease it's not a thyroid issue you know it's not all these other things that you know they can say is lupus or anything like that to say this is what's happening with you so this is a disorder of exclusion and because it's very murky and muddy and everybody doesn't really exhibit everything at the same time certain treatments work for some people and don't work for some people in one way and don't work for some people in the other way so it's really kind of tricky but there are certain criteria that they have in order to diagnose it and that's what happened i was finally was able to get to someone diagnosed me and then it was backed up by other doctors as well you know just to say yes these these symptoms are consistent with what is written as five on my out and chronic fatigue syndrome so i did all of that too and you know it is really fairly new i didn't hear about it until about fifteen years ago friend of mine's had it and basically it was a long process to go for the doctors to come to the conclusion is fibromyalgia hold him and what it does because i just watched my girlfriend you know she she was like deteriorating she was getting depressed know what it is so yeah how do we move forward and the whole listed part of it we're always running to the doctors but then now you know now to what maybe ten years ago people started looking at actually radke and receiving reiki started actually catapulted me into where i am also so i knew i had to be something holistic i knew that was part of the journey i knew that i was and while i knew but at the same at the same space and time i also knew that something was happening to me there was a transition people get depressed i never really lost faith i always knew that this was for a reason not really understanding what the reason was but i knew it was for a reason so i firmly believe that i'm spiritually guided to do this work and i have and reiki catapulted me into just more opening me up more and more and into understanding myself understanding my purpose more and also it also alleviates pain absolutely decreases the stress to decrease the anxiety it what what reiki is is energy healing it allows you to it works with your energy and energy feel so that your body can heal itself people turn around and say you're putting the roots on me for my caribbean people and i don't have time for that or we're taking something from you a lot of people feel that with reiki i'm taking your energy or whatever if you really don't have an understanding at all it is as if you know that we're comprised of energy ourselves our energy our surrounding is energy so all it is is manipulating that flow so that you can heal yourself  that's all there really is and there is actually data that supports the benefits of it you know they are there are people who don't like it there are people that don't believe it there are people that say it's qu to that i would say well then it's not for you you are or open up and look for look for about for those people who are looking for another way to heal that's an option  you don't have to do you know is the there are options my goal is to educate so that you have options you have choices and reiki is not the only form of energy healing you know you do holistic medicine we have reiki we have acupuncture we ha cheek gong which i just read an article that is really phenomenal for raking in tight she for a cure so many different things i mean i'm sorry for chronic illnesses and for fibromyalgia it's so beneficial and people just need to be aware that there are options and that's all there is you can use western medicine i'm not against it because i still go to the doctor as i see him kill have to do what i need to do for myself but on the second hand i awful want to see what else is there for me what else will open me up and heal me in the way that i know to be healed and with reiki and with this transition you know you i had to look at myself on the inside have to do what is causing this if i'm on all of these medications none of them are working this is what the doctors say to take it's not working this is what you don't want to do holistically it's not working when other people that work for why isn't it working for me so i had to dig deeper and i had to look at myself and i had to say well why is there another reason and i had to look and one of the things that i notice is that i was going through a process of transition in a spiritual awakening a spiritual change and with that the symptoms  mimicked i have on my all john chronic fatigue and i was like that makes more sense to me especially with what i knew intuitively what was going on with me i didn't know that i was empathic which means i absorb people's energies good bad indifferent and it impacts me physically not it know that so i had to learn how to block that out had to understand what was going on with me i would have known that without reiki i wouldn't have known that without going through this journey you know if i hadn't gotten i wouldn't be where i am so i look at this as a blessing in disguise so i was really a thing so you mentioned being in paddling can you talk that sounds very fascinating to me so can you expand on just a little bit that just means you are someone that's really sensitive to energies and you absorb them ok and you can actually sense people's emotions you can actually feel pain you can actually feel different things and it makes you feel sick and they can make you feel sick and they're actually ways that you can protect yourself and block things from happening to you because you're aware of it now because i'm aware of it now i can pick up things that wow that doesn't feel good what's going on what's going on in my environment what is going on with someone else or my interaction with someone else that's making me feel sick that i wasn't aware of even the people that i would love to know when i'm around a lot of times you know your the way you feel you know you have to really pay attention to that why is this person something about this when i get around them i'm feeling so good what's going on you know that's a reason why hockey blocking the negative energy can you explain it how do you can actually come in so i find that if i'm in a situation with very uncomfortable for me i can just kind of relax and block that and it'll be ok the other thing that i do is kind of just visualize me being surrounded by specific light in a specific bubble in a protective nature and i do that then the other thing is is me knowing that how certain people are so that that awareness of you know that you're going to be with someone around that way then you of you're deciding that you know so i'm making the decision to be around you which means i know how you are so i can choose to be around you or not so because i'm choosing to be around you i'm also choosing how i want my body to feel when i'm near you so that means i'm automatically saying well what am i going to do to protect myself to make sure that i'm ok and i know that you mean i'm miserable and nasty well i don't have to entertain that i can go and know how they are so you know i don't know this is more that i don't i don't have to take that  switching how you think is it changing how you look at things in order to move forward with your life so that you're ok you know it's not necessarily cutting somebody out but it's also about changing your perception of things so that you're ok  that's very interesting one of the phrases they get off the uses is that sometimes there are people in our lives that we have to learn to love from a distance because having that distance is the sort of protecting you from whatever damage this person has a potential to to counter boring into your life so yeah i can definitely understand where you're talking about absolutely this is a decision you can make someone put somebody at a distance physical distance as these can you can choose to do that but some people may not want to do that because of the relationship you know they might be changed because of it but then you just have to figure out yourself and you just have to understand your own boundaries and examine how you want an example then relate to that person done me yeah as me and i'm ok and whatever is going on with you is you and that's it and i don't think about it i just had a situation where i just walked into something at the hospital and that is after i almost lost myself and i had to walk right back out because i felt i i felt like i was going to hurt somebody and i felt i had this gut feel and so my question to you have you ever felt that way where you walked in the subways and said something's not right on phillip and just walk out leave you know and that's ok because that's what you needed to do in terms of me just necessarily having to walk out of something yeah absolutely so might not necessarily be a building but it might absent because a lot of times we have difficulty with a scab wishing boundaries that are beneficial for us to be in a in a in a good place i've found myself in the past in sort of relationships with individuals where the boundaries look one way for me but something different for this other individual so then you can get to that point where you have to figure out like what you were saying earlier you have to figure out how can i interact or be in this relationship with this person and maintain that relationship with this person without destroying myself in the process absolutely yeah you have this and it's yourself and understanding how to navigate the situation and navigate those boundaries so that you are ok and letting that person know where you stand and sometimes it's really not easy something it wasn't it's not no and then the next time is no but the first time you should've known that it was a not you know that you know it isn't take two or three times before somebody understands where your boundaries are yes so it's something that you can delicately say up front that's that's just not the way i need this relationship to be exact and so that was that's a that was growth for me you know just kind of and i'm a lot better at it of course but that was something that i really had to take steps in because then you can turn around and have pity parties like the and this what you said that you're in there yes basically yourself that so that you'd be ok so i had to take ownership for things and i had to look at different things and how i can change me in order to change my outcome yeah and that's really key because everybody looks to one into change somebody else and they need to do this and then when that did not then they don't owe you anything they don't have to do anything why are you expecting that they are who they are you are who you are you can choose or not choose to be around them or near them to interact with them is all how you look at things and it's the story that you make regarding that so that go yeah so can we talk a little bit about coaching and how coaching because as i mentioned to our audience earlier that's how we met was getting our coaching certification so can you talk a little bit about everything that you've just talked about and how coaching fits into the model that you've created it's huge it's huge because you know with energy healing you are you're dealing with the whole body you're dealing with your emotional self your mental self your spiritual self a physical self you are doing all those things and but at the same time there are often things in the route there are a lot deeper that people have to work through like for me i knew it was that is self discovery in and i didn't do it by myself i had to reach out i have a mentor to do that without having to go to you know never a peep or that there's a lot of prayer and you know there's a lot of hard work to try to to try to figure myself out so when someone i believe comes  healthy because what happens is that you want people to see aright you want them to be empowered to live with the tools that they need to have in order to manage their lives outside of here nothing worse than going for a massage you feeling all good then you go back to a city stressful situation and you're back hurt again you had her to get right but then you didn't deal with the stressful situation and that was the rule what was it about that situation and you didn't handle that brought you to this level so how can you change that so as you go through your messiah and come back and be ok to work through it and do it you need to do so i really feel that coating is really huge with transforming yourself and getting out of your own way and actually seeing some of the things that are a lock in you from moving forward and you taking an active role in changing it so that sounds more in to me and said yeah and when i think about my reason for going to to get the coaching certification very similar to what you just said and just sort of helping people to get to that place that's why our thing is stepped out and redesigned you  helping people to kind of get to that place where you began to realize you have more control over your life than what you think you do and a lot of times it's you that you've got to move out of the way in order to discover who you are and some of the things that you may be doing in terms of sabotaging yourself with your relationships and you know just different things like that and everything so it was really nice the way you summed it up it has it it's pretty much the same for me and there's nothing i said you know to get them to work on changing themselves you not you actually you know not doing everything for them but that's the whole thing about the coaching is empowering   that's the way i think but if you've come up with things that will work for you you're more inclined to follow that and it can be more satisfying because you've achieved something yourself  didn't let me tell you my girlfriend you go to her shows you're going to do with this but it's just so important that we empower people so that they can reach their goals because if everybody did with the most powerful people all of that brought me to coach i mean you guys so there's the truth and because of that i'm just able to to give back to people to share with people so that they'll be stronger on their journey you know they'll be able to people understand how important that is to discover who you are and what you actually want for your life it's so important people understand absolutely you have to do the work so it doesn't you know sometimes it comes to you not going to say but sometimes you really place to soar and we'll see you next time by