following program is sponsored by seattle open door church yet all open door church is committed to loving god loving people and loving life our doors are open to whomever no mass required seattle open door church athers we talk about getting too close too soon in sexual harassment or pray we can learn some principles of maybe keep us out of trouble so that we are not experiencing sexual harassment or sexual abuse and also so that we're not a perpetrator and we pray this in jesus name amen so every week we've been talking about sexual harassment the reason we're talking about it because it's popular in the news and we know it's very popular news all the time you're hearing something about somebody else whether it's a football player or it's a pastor or it's a a actor or whoever it may be we know that pastors never sexually abuse or harass right because pastors are perfect right especially those who are on t v that make millions they certainly want to ruin that money they can make but the reality is is that when it comes such a harassment it can happen any place anywhere and we've been talking about every week and what i want to talk about today is getting too close too soon so i'm going to share some concepts will help you to learn how not to be a victim of sexual harassment or to be a perpetrator of it and i've said over and over again you can do everything right can you still be sexually harassed whether you're male or female can you do everything you're supposed to do and can it still happen if anything happens to you regardless if you was in the wrong place at the wrong time hang with the wrong person are you ever as a victim are you ever guilty for being a victim does get that clear so i'm going to share some things that if you don't follow these principles could get you into trouble but if they get you into trouble are you guilty of what a person did to you never saw this make it to the absolute extreme i walk into a grocery store and the grocery store says people get robbed here all the time if i walk in is there greater chance i'll get robbed ok but if i walk in to go shopping and somebody p gun and puts it to my head is still is my money is it my fault that they stole my money no why do i want to make that clear because many times i'm going to share some things by getting too close too soon is that many times when somebody becomes a victim of something that goes on with stead of dealing with the perpetrator we want to make the person who got the victimized as the person who's is the bad blood bad person and you see it all the time so if a woman goes to a party and she gets drawn and she doesn't know what's going on does that give a right to wait rape or how come there's people who get away with it they get away with it now i don't want to get to sidetrack but guess who normally gets away with it white guys rich white guys so if you're rich right got white guy then it wasn't really a crime but if you're black poor man it's a crime right that happened so many times so this cover something's about to close too soon somebody give you some scenarios and you do and you tell me what you think could happen so i turn around and i'm a warship leader and so i lead warship and if i'm worship leader a warship team and i have a warship team and i'm a male warship leader and have some females there on the warship thing is there anything wrong with having females on the warship team if you're a female that's in a war ship team should you expect to be sexually abused sexually harassed if i am the leader so i expect that and i'm going to be married in this scenario i married a married male worship leader should i expect any female to do anything that would try to cause my marriage to fall ok it should be a safe scenario right completely safe scenario in theory right doesn't mean it's a safe scenario and you know why there's two human beings involved and there's no there's nothing in this but in this world that say and there's two human beings evolved long as there's two human beings we know one thing about two human beings they're both fallen people and if they're no honor god you don't walk with god or i was an atheist and i didn't do a lot of bad things in atheist at least i didn't think so at the time but can atheist do good things can atheists be good people absolutely ok so now this go this is no these are two committed christians so you have the pastor or the worship leader who's a committed christian you have a worship him a committed christians everything should be good in that and you can make the safe assumption that it should be good but you know what you've got to be careful one day and that's the parents of evil evil that takes place that makes sense and so all that's an aerial soul in it i'm a warship later and i say hey worship team we need to meet you know at nine o'clock at night because nobody is available during the day time now if it's nine o'clock at night and nobody's available in the daytime at all and nobody's a bit over the weekend would you say why do we need to meet at nine o'clock there's a scene kind of late for a worship team to be meeting but is there anything wrong with that at that point no nothing wrong with it but nine o'clock seems kind of late so then you turn around and you have warship practice and it went great it went wonderful and salt really feels good ben what happens is you turn around and the worship leader turns around and says you know susie you know what everything went great but you are a little bit off he can can can we meet and practice a little bit more what would you start the thing is that not good is anything wrong with just him meeting with her to practice ok a little bit right because he could be married have a good marriage and he's  sincere but if i'm the female and he says can we practice afterwards and he is married with or be a little bit in you to go to seems a little bit weird there should be but maybe you've got a sincere heart and he shows he's a godly man and saw all the little dingoes it's a little bit weird but hey i want to do good in the worship thing isn't wrong in itself it's not wrong in itself but it causes a little bit of concern right so then he gets with you and you start practicing in and he seems a smile a lot when you're around and then he gets a little bit closer to you and says here here let me he said all she gets closer he gets closer turn he gets real close and he says here follow me and they're almost cheek to cheek be uncomfortable right when that saying i don't know about this  singing ok the reason i'm talking about this is because listen the principle is too close too soon ok as you think start to get too close ok and forget about the too soon part ok because it was too soon before then because if that's happening there's probably something start to go on him can he have a huge pure heart though yeah can be very sincere in the midst of that he just wants her to sing good and and it can be but here's what too close too soon means if you keep doing that you know it's going to happen probably something else is going to happen now after that happens he goes home and tells us wife hey and me and susie we practice afterwards and man wife knows me enough that problem that is going to go on but even my wife knowing me as well she knows me would say now rich is normally out late at night doing all kinds of different ministry stuff but he don't normally hang in the church and then o'clock at night with the woman ok so i may tell her and maybe it's sincere but maybe i'm telling her so she won't be suspicious can that be ok our turn around the other way  is the lady suzy she she goes home she's single she goes home and she's thinking you know worship leader richie he really spend devoted time to me and and he you know what i think he likes what i'm doing and singing and and it really felt good just being around him could that be sincere you could be sincere right nothing with it ok but there could be a little bit of a little bit of red flag yes and all because if your heart is sincere you don't think of those things a lot of times see that's the danger too close too soon the problem is you don't think that you're getting too close too soon ok so if you are with that if you are doing that and say that sometimes it's you sometimes it's a guy that stays after with him and so it just seems like he really likes to spend time with people whether it's male female or in thing else you may not even think anything's wrong with it ok but there should be some that says and you know  is if you say that he spent time with me to do that that's one thing but if you say my heart throbbed when i was with him see the difference so you know what it felt close when it got to my cheek you know what that should be maybe not a red flag but a yellow flag or yellow orange or red you pick the one ok if you're used to that maybe it's just a yellow flag if you're not used to that it's a red flag ok so nothing in itself that was wrong in itself then is the next time same thing happens i guess i gotta learn how to sing better but bad when i'm with him i think i can just sing better when he's close to me i sure hope i sure hope on sunday morning he's next to me when we do worship because i'll be able to sing better ho i'm sure that sincere maybe it is but it does start to get a little bit weird ok and there should be something in your heart listen to phil that way would not there said be sin but this should be something if you're committed christian something says why am i feeling this and he's a married man to something might be going on with me right when that big ok doesn't mean something's going up a suspicion so then he gets a hold of you says hey you know what you're doing so great i want you to do a special number that sounds spiritual going it what you do special church so you know what why don't we meet over at my house and we can practice at my house this special number because i got the soundtrack in my house because you know technology today you can have the soundtrack everywhere it has to be at your house glad you're coming in this practice this is going to be a good time and she's where where's carmi at all well and she had to go to the philippines would you say moon would you you better because otherwise you may be a victim of sexual harassment at least or sexual abuse so then what would you do if she's not home karmas not home and i take you over the sound system is over in my bedroom what would you do run so out of that would you run now if you don't ron and then that worship leader sexually abuses you whose fault is it this worship leaders fault who was dumb the woman because if he turns around and says hey and my sound system is and he has all set up so looks like it's true he had to work all day i did but once carmi left to get the cell system into the bedroom ok but if you see that and you don't walk out you may become a victim of sexual abuse if you're not guilty but are more likely have something happen to you and all that was was too close too soon to give you that example and intimate give you another example is this taken on a work setting and your ev a male employee there's a supervisor and you have a female employee that's a worker there and during a lunch break the supervisor comes in and he actually has lunch with all the people in the break room at the time and in the room with that nothing wrong with that act that's a good thing isn't it that the boss would turn be suspicious say hey that's a cool boss and he talks and he shares a little bit something about you know his day in you know talks about what went on and he opens up how many know that women like men that open up you know why they like k some things don't all tell me ok so he shares a little bit and and ne ne's just a nice boss nothing he's not a no no all term he just wants to open up to their employees i'm kind of an open guy so that could be me i mean i've done i've described some of what went on with me so in the midst of it i do things well that's kind of cool some people say and it's kind of weird in the whatever not the next time they have lunch the boss is there again and he talks with them and he's just friendly and then his hardest totally sincere in the midst of it but how many know he's an authority figure some people know some people look up to already figures have you know some people like to rub shoulders with authority figures because there's favor that comes with robin short of that already figures so if he does this there's one female and she says you know what a cool boss he's really a cool boss and in the wrong with that you know she's all he's a cool boss and she ends graham says you know thank you for for sharing about you know your trip to to rainier i have been there too and it was a lot of fun and you know that's cool the boss is ready to go and i says yeah it was a great trip and kind of like your trip and anything wrong with that ok then the next time he talks afterwards or he just not even talking at the break will he just go grocery store said he's walking down the aisles and and they and the clerk walks up and says hey you  yeah it's kind of sounds like that don't it but i don't know we're just talkin no big deal but i'm an authority figure sometimes people like to rub shoulders with already figures nothing wrong with that so then she goes again and she starts talking about her life says you know man i would i have been really depressed you know things are going good with my husband and i and and you know what  ready to go to rainier whenever you want to do you think you things happening a road trip in regards of in the setting of ministry is we go back to the war ship team it may be could be anything but out of it is as you're practicing is one thing but what about after male female disc it realistic when your private place and nobody's around can things happen or you can open the door to sin can't you hear ok it's a married man and he's going through some struggles as the worship leader it can it can certainly open wide but you know they both love jesus so it's ok see this is the danger well i'm sold out for jesus there's no doubt for jesus we love jesus readers have to have some marriage problems that it's our spouses fault that we have marriage problems spouses fault not you if your spouse is spalled it's not them it's their spouses fault and we're just sharing in and we're kind of sharing our war stories and they seem to relate my wife will never spend time with me my husband never talks to me and and when you talk to me a lot what are you setting up you set yourself up is there going to be either sexual harassment or sexual abuse so you're innocent so when you do that you're innocent as best you know how to be innocent you're to share your vulnerable you really up to that leader do know that leader would never do anything whatsoever so then you open up and you open up to that leader and the leader gets closer to you closer to you and you know they this path your back and say oh it's all right susie god will take care of it just i can take care of my marriage he's going to take care of your marriage it's going to be ok the patch in the back nothing wrong nothing going on he just give you encouragement next time you see him is you turn around and he gives you a little back rub anybody getting uncomfortable ok remember it happens those ways and so out of it is those too close too soon happens because we open the door up for it to happen now that girl may not have done in the wrong in the next thing you they say pastor really uncomfortable i hate saying this but this is what was going on with the worship leader and you know i don't know maybe i was too open with them but he'd read something wrong and you know he's kind of push me against the wall and and trying to kiss me and i say no and and then he then he said i'm sorry so if he says he's sorry we don't say anything because he says he's sorry but after is do not say anything you better still say something because guess what he because you said no because you resisted that's one reason he's sorry because you don't do that kind of stuff and then say sorry afterwards without there being some kind of intention going on but in the past us pastor ridge would never do that i mean he's been a worship leader forever and he's married he would never do something like that you know what don't be spreading rumors like that please don't tell anybody else you know that happens so when we look at the media and we say with the media and we say well why didn't those actresses say something about the producer or whatever because part of it was of such a call sure that nobody said anything because i want to do you any good and ruin your career and i think you say something anyway anyways guess what if it means i'm not in the worship team hallelujah i don't want to be in the worship team and that's happening but many times when people start report stuff they don't believe it and so as we wrap up what situations have you run into yourself where you say i should have done it differently i wish i would have done differently and then down the role where you do you hear all these stories you know some is going to say i oh i don't i don't believe that's how it always happens i you know what i'm invincible today if you want to get more information you can always go to our website to learn how to accept jesus christ as your lord and savior you can go to there is hope t v or that there is hope to be done or and we have information on frequently asked questions eight six six one g with me today as richard dover director of earth even house i think the expression falling off the wagon is becoming more and more prominent referencing when people return to addictive behaviors after making initial attempts to get free sobriety always a struggle to maintain for former addicts whereas it is possible to overcome the state of for jodi of lives possible overcome but to be honest most of us will take the do the work take the time be humble enough be sobriety the recovery but it's a challenge because like many addicts will tell you is they're living in a forty nine year old body with about a thirteen year old mind and a foot structure there and i believe seattle open door church located in period committed to loving god loving people and loving life seattle open door church once you know that regardless of where you've been or what you've done god loves you there doors are open to anyone and everyone their services are sunday mornings at eleven seattle open door church is located at six twenty five south west one hundred forty ninth street in derian next to the southwest courthouse