hi my name's carol ricard and welcome back to the well you show i'm joined by my guests really co host now angel torture baku i call the pain detective and we have julie maddox i call the wellness coach and give people where they can track you down you're ok pace attack instagram muscles in balance l l c that's that's easy enough to do so so if this is your first time tuning into the show basically started this almost like two years ago i think and the goal was really to make sure people had the tools to live well today i spent twenty five years working in hospitals teaching all the things that we're going to do on th show and i want to keep people from the hospital if i could and so i always kind of try to keep these ladies in suspense what we're going to do today and so they kind of don't know and right i mean i kind of maybe let it slip to be equal to i mean there's no right or wrong answers but the truth is that it has a impact on people and and so what i really want to talk about today and i look back i don't think we've done this and i have if we have a well we're doing it and i can't remember so but it starts out with the fact that i used to be the opposite of what i am now which is really hard for people to imagine me being this very negative pessimistic kind of person but if you had asked me my god almost thirty years ago i would have said there's nothing good about nothing right i mean i just you know and and so what really changed it was my mom and and so what had happened was my mom i was taking care of her and she called me and asked me to come back take her to the hospital i found out them morning in emergency room that she had cancer and my family didn't talk about stuff so it didn't surprise me but that afternoon i left the hospital i went home to her place and made whole bunches of phone calls because i grew up on the west coast and i wanted to get my mom back to the west coast so she could see all my brothers and sisters and turns out that that night i ended up getting a phone call from the hospital that she passed away and i have to be honest i had lots of mixed feelings she was she had pain created cancer so i don't know if you guys are familiar with that it was very painful and it made sense to me why she was you know in so much pain but she also gave me the greatest gift and what their gift was is it it doesn't matter what you plan for literally tomorrow it may not come and you better live your life yesterday yes and and ever since then it kind of shifted my focus to guess what if this is my last day on earth is this what and who i used to use it might be in the grocery line and i'd be getting pissed off i used it more when i got pissed off that people are frustrated or like around anger and i say care oh if this is your last day on earth do you want to spend it pissed off at some lady you don't know good morning really had to shift my kind of thinking so then i started working in a women's program and i came up with this tool and it was kind of in combination with a reading into what i called it is how to live one day to time and that one day being today and so my promise is this is it give you guys a tool that you can use now it's work right you got to get good at tools but i promise you the tool will work so to start it's actually based on a reading and so i have a copy for each one of us and of course as always our handouts are going to be thanks so does it paragraphs and i'll take the last two so low i hadn't read there are two days in every week that we do not worry about two days that must be kept free from fear and apprehension one is yesterday with its mistakes and cares its faults and blunders its aches and pains yesterday as past for ever beyond our control all the money in the world cannot bring back yesterday we cannot undo a single act we perform nor can we erase a single word we said yesterday is gone the other day we must not worry about this tomorrow with its impossible adversity its burden its whole full promise and poor performance tomorrow is beyond our control tomorrow sun will rise either in splendor or behind a mask of clouds but it will rise and until it does we have no stake in tomorrow for it is yet unborn this leaves only one day  today any person can fight the battles of just one day it is only when we add the burdens of yesterday and tomorrow that we break down it is not the experience of today that drives people mad it is the remorse of bitterness for thinking i was thinking all right i think we did this before julie read a little angel but it could have been something else i was like yeah because i don't remember i didn't go back and i went looking through all of our shows and just because i was like ari did we do this not do this and then you know what so i had a girlfriend who this morning shared with me had a really difficult night sleeping last night because she works for this offshore consulting company and their contract is up june first  and so she's thinking that she's going to get laid off and so she started kind of looking for other jobs but she said so she late night she could go to sleep because her mind would just be thinking about that and she catch yourself and so she try to make her mind be quiet and kind of bring it back to you know don't worry about that in and you know and ask and i said so what is i think or what what is it you're most afraid of the future and she had said the having an income and i reminded her that she had been on unemployment once before and done really the same thing this is how she got to this job and it was like oh yeah and so kind of that was the anchor you you know because i know for airfare i'll be more money so it's more related around that ok so let's talk about that a quick poll moment because i'm not saying that when we focus on today that we forget about the future because you're right i mean planning is really important the really secret here is where are your emotions at yeah yeah because of your emotions are in the future but planning for the future is actually critical yeah i guess i just happen to  recently because i thought oh it's a month ahead and there for was so much higher but i know that there's two people in the house that they're planning so far in advance it makes me dizzy and it it's almost kind of like they pull you further yeah  there well that's it it's like a psycho you know just kind of goes around and around and around and around so where this reading came from i know it is based in twelve steps i would from a twelve step because i've seen usually in workshops and i've had people come up to me afterwards and say sure you know kara look and they had a little card that they told me they got it in a meeting or in any meeting and so what was really you know i and i think we had an eight meeting that made it my hospital and so this was on the bulletin board outside the room where they would meet and when i saw it i just i fell in love with it because i thought i'm words are powerful but if you can put them into action words become life changing and so i wanted to i don't want people to have to lose somebody you know and i've spoken to a lot of people over twenty five years who said carol when i got this diagnosis that i may not you know live it changed me and i focused on today and i don't want people to have to go through something like that i'm happy and so would do tool that i came up with is kind of simple in fact i'll drop first and then let's see if our purple one is working so you guys i want to give you a future paper so we'll just use it iss and at the top of the paper let me peek i don't want to get everybody screwed up ok yeah i think i started with that so it's a top of the paper's going to be just this kind of yesterday and then what's the other one we can get lost in tomorrow is tomorrow and so we have this two days of the week that we need not worry about and then the one day that our reading kind of shares with us and which i kind of learned as a gift from my mom was just amazing how once you can kind of not worry about tomorrow and let go of what even literally happened yesterday how much there is not to be pessimistic about and my patients would be like oh i couldn't see you but it is so true and this to me learning  live life lesson for my mom was the thing that really changed me the most i mean there's other work i've done to kind of grow but none of it would have been possible without and it literally was i was making all these plans you know for driving my mom to california where i had spoken to all of my brothers and sisters and we've come up with this great plan and then to not even get to the next morning to be able to talk to her to even tell thought so so one of my workforce and we've done a lot of on but the thing that is so important about today if you take this word and what today actually in in today so let's come back here and so we can have these four things and i had asked julie i said how long in the past because it's technically yesterday equals  think of it as a as it as an anchor that merely keeps them stuck there you know and again if nobody's going to use the tools if they're not open to that maybe sometimes people aren't up place yet but i want people to have a tool to be able to use and in the tomorrows are literally tomorrow or it could be ten years from now or it could be a month from now so timeframe kind of goes anywhere and here's how it kind of just to get people brainstorming a little bit what i like to put is you know that you can write down so you used to get my patients thinking about stuff from the past that they could hold on to so if you're watching this or sitting here if you have any regrets you know or resentments and i resent i mean it's is the one that people hold all yeah yeah of for having out yeah decades right but it could also be regrets you know that  thinking of my sister that you know if only she should've if only i had married you know tom instead of robert have only taken that job when i could have gone to california if only i did and so that sways i think just to give people some ideas way that the past shows up and ways to think about that and then under the tomorrows there's a couple good ones there it's remind you that you work for eight hundred eighty and you went through four rounds of layoffs there and guess what can you stop it oh yeah but the what ifs or no i have it in the sorry i have a positive like like think about dreams and goals there are important parts and good to have planning but it is saying time that we just let it out there lady at the same  to run away from it right right now and then and i think the other one is really simple that people kind of think about is you know what are the worries you know and again it could be the worries about what if i don't you know the worry could be i'm worried that you know this deal is going to fall through or i'm worried that that i'm going to lose my memory you know yeah so so this is the way to just get people watching us and so what i wanted to to kind of get people think about and get you ladies talking about too is think about specific anchors all right so for example the regret could be for a of people is that they weren't able to go on in their schooling because they became parents you know and so they got married they had kids and guess what went through by the wayside the schooling and it could even be the route well that would be bad but honestly if people were honest i think i honestly think and i'm i you guys could tell me i could be completely wrong but i am sure there are moments as parents that the thought and it doesn't make you a bad parent but i imagine that the thought you have to cross your mind like what the hell was i thinking about having kids you know i'm in my situation a little different because i had so much trouble you know yeah yeah it's very what's really interesting to me is knowing you know kind of knowing a little bit a feel like i know your daughter in the know of her your son to know of him and it's like holy crap six kids and thinking that way so what was i thinking and you want to have a puppy all right the last puppy i had i wanted a puppy i said if i'm going to go through the loss of losing my dog and that separate job and here becomes a very point point i want to make we're not bashing the past right and we're not bashing the future you know it comes back to we can actually use to pass to reflect on and learn from and to grow from it but the problem becomes is when you find yourself stand there and say and and and go there and can kind of stay present because listen here's what you got to get up you had to get out of bed you got to come out come out of your bedroom and all she would have had to have done this is another tool which was our don't box was to write work on a piece of paper and leave it in the kitchen so that when you went back to the bedroom you actually left it in a kitchen so you could create a boundary and that's kind of what this exercise does it sort of does boundaries so let me ask you do this will you write down just like one two or three things and it could be it could be big stressors not big life stress or not just even things oh it's just too out there here's the other pain i want to have so what stressed me out is that my doctor's office is trying to call and and you know one that pops up in both of those places your health or health definitely kind of if you have a health issues in the past it was annette that was one of the examples of  that exercise i was doing the paper i tore up kind of before we did this was i had on there you know will i get sick again is going to be the future because even i can have those future i mean i've got a catch myself as well i mean even though i've been using this tool our brains are wired towards the negative and it's not going to stop because that's what that's what helped us survive yeah right i mean that's part of our hard wiring that's the is i just remember listening to marketing and some talking about this part of our brain that is evolved yeah over time but it was the survival mechanism because if you weren't worried about what if your when you were going to be it's going to be intact or  examples so for i will put example appear on a board so yesterday i kind of said one which was school and i used my sister's you know marrying robert instead of tom which she's no longer you know married to him but still you know it still goes back to if only you know if only i had ended tomorrows  this is i'll use my own will i get sick again and then the other one is going to be about honestly i would be very honest with you all call all my transcripts i could look into i could look into college nothing stopping me from call after county ca ok so i could you know look up the college i can't i can't change what was there i will happen in a few days but can i do anything about it today and those are two things i could do marrying robert is there anything that my sister could do about marrying rob or no so it doesn't get transferred down i got there is not about any of those four things that you wrote that you could actually do today and if you can't just write it down and it doesn't not going to be for anybody's ears or eyes are already like that  oh interesting now i can only put one down from yesterday or today that you could do some right johnny for yeah yeah now here's it here's the most important part here's what i want to do take your paper and just above today i want you to fold it so doesn't matter where above today but it should if you basically have folded it yeah just above that and enfold it back and forth a few times because here's the rule you want to make a good crease go to keep holding it back and forth you could make it do you ever do that when you were trying to you know keep growing up and that paper cut on your ton know thank you for joining us and here's to living well today