welcome to beyond my crisis i'm your co host ron ross nick and i'm vivian caspar and we're here to help people through their personal crisis with experts on the show that will guide you and help you in any situation that could be critical whether it's domestic violence losing a job personal events and tragedies will be with you and help you have a more prosperous comfortable and successful future for the rest of your are today to welcome mary mcnutt she's a c p a with an m b a and she has a newly released book she's also a motivational speaker and expert at helping people find their passion and purpose and easily turning that purpose into a profitable business welcome mary to i shall be on to my crisis think you it's great to be here well we're very excited that you're helping people transform their lives because so many people are just stuck not knowing what to do in their careers and when that happens they make a lot less money and inevitably have more crazies were taking care of themselves and their families so tell us a so many people have heard about the crisis it was a well renowned book and program but you're telling us how to go beyond the crisis to realizing prosperity tell us about that please so oftentimes people are in a job or maybe they've just lost their job and i have easy ways for people to lean into starting their own self employment or working in an industry that they're really excited about i look for ways to uncover your passion and what you would like to do for free and then i help you find a way to get paid to do it because when you love what you do everything in your life works better it helps your relationships it helps your day to day working it's better just makes your whole life just flow better and you know what they say about the laws of attraction then you just attract the other pieces of your life to fall into place right right because when you love  do everything seems to work out better i feel like as i got beyond my crisis and reinvented myself my health got better my marriage got better my parenting got better my money got stronger right so these are obvious gains some people though feel like i'd like that too but i've got to work at my job i've got to make a living i've got all these pressures i can't get out of my own way so what's the very first step someone needs to consider when they're going to make that decision for a transformation life let's say we've uncovered that your favorite favorite thing to do is take beautiful photography i have a client who was a banking manager and they were robbed while she was at the bank and instantly she could think i just want to be home with my children and ultimately she was already my c client what i did was help her uncover the talent she had with taking photographs of her children in such unique and candid ways so ultimately she kept her job for a while at the bank because that was paying the mortgage it was really a requirement to keep that money flowing but she knew she wanted to get out of that and so i asked her to start taking photographs of her friends children on weekends in the evenings just one client at a time and then slowly but surely actually within eighteen months she became so well known with her ability to take these can it be a couple photos of children that she was able to replace her income and quit her job at the bank so much happier with own life that i don't think germany but was this a talent that she knew she had or you helped uncover she thought it was just her little family talent she didn't realize it was something that she could ever make a living out of she like makes a way around here she never tested kind of tears and when i am originally suggested it she said well there's already so many photography studios and i said well i saw some gorgeous photos of your children on facebook where they were so unique i've never seen photos like that and it doesn't matter how many other people are doing the same thing as you in the industry if you stand out with a unique product if your going to be successful and if you create your passion if you're doing what you love you'll be better at it you see you have to be the best in your industry if you want success in your life unique somehow to be the best in your uniqueness yes i heard you tell us before hand a fantastic story about your own husband so i love when you started at home and now besides making him happier hasn't that also chance formed your whole family situation absolutely so i helped him reinvent himself from being an auto mechanic to starting his own business as a general contractor because he was doing some work on our new yard and he created the most amazing art piece out of our yard and i said you've missed your calling this is it and fourteen years later he's had this wonderful successful business so really for this to happen you need someone in your life that has a vision higher than what you as an individual may see and you're that person that can see the shining star in everybody i do i feel like that is a talent of mine is to see possibility in others whether they're able to see it yet or not and bring easy and fun to everything that they do so how do you encourage someone to get into that mind space with that could be a that could be their life also just start talking about getting your first client and letting him understand to start a business you don't need to have some big fancy board of directors or a corporation entity if you have a social security number you can start your own sole proprietorship so maybe you started out trying to do this business and you only got one client and then said that's not for me you haven't lost anything in my opinion but if you get a second client and a third client and indeed if you're the best in what it is you do they're going to refer you to other people and you won't even need to advertise none of my clients advertise one of your clients advertise i think that's  give someone be a couple someone in our audience might think this is something that would really help change our minds well of the a couple of easy steps they should take to make this happen for them i first say start writing a list of talents what is in your talent bank already what you are really good at like the photographer she was able to see that she does have camera she does her father was a photographer so she always thought that's a great hobby but  was able to uncover all of the different talents she already has she was already a bank manager so she knew that from a business perspective she could handle the financial part of her business so the first thing is writing a list of your tekken creating a talent bank yes ok what will be the next thing to do and then think about what it is you would do off of that list of your talent bank what would you do for free and so for ta graphy she would take photos of her friends for free of her friends children for free and i just let her understand what a value that is and where the financial well being is from that but then people who want to start their own business have to be sales people and maybe some employees are not don't have that essence in them how do they get their first sale when you are doing what you love there isn't really even a sale in it it's just natural i think that's so important to remind people that everyone says i hate selling but if you're just talking to people you're not really selling but to not under value what you're worth is also important that's time that you would help people that you perhaps might guide them with yes some people may not be comfortable asking for what they'd like to get because their self esteem their feeling that they're not really professional yet oh how do you do that transition where you have the confidence to demand what you should receive there such easy ways to research what are other people charging for the service what how are people getting out there and getting more clients there's such a wealth of information out there to research from and there but they probably need a guide that can kind of enumerate all this and you help people figure all this out yeah i help bring the eves into it in the fun and i my it my story is i put the dance in a bun dance and you know tell you about your story you've got a big story you have the your book yes i want to and that's my new book the easy guide to reinventing you and i really love that you're here because i think so many people there lower self esteem because someone happy with what they do and or what they're earning it really affects their whole families i mean think about not just single parents but even if you're in a team  there's so many obstacles in the way that they can now take care of their families which leads to other crises and it can also cost the family harmony or much much worse so i really think this is a valuable service you're providing thank you so much i really say that when you're doing what you love the health wealth and happiness follow with ease i've seen it again and again i've helped thousands of people reinvent themselves some people are born with their job but theirs they are so committed to the secure income but they don't know how to even start getting out of there some people are raising their children and they know eventually they want to start bringing in income so i just help people slowly lean into this idea of reinventing themselves into something they love and bringing in the income right so that seed planted in their head has to keep growing has to be nourished you can't wither away got to keep that action in your mind  focus right in my book the subtitle is the fun pathway to your dream career in eleven simple steps and i'm really emphasize throughout the book simplicity and fun if you're having fun it feels amazing that you get paid for it right i think people really need to hold on to that mary thank you so much for coming on and i for one think that you're doing a great service and i had fun and i thought i welcome to beyond my crisis i'm your co host wronger arsenic and i'm giving caspar we're here to day to help you overcome and of course conquer the fears that hold you back in life and especially remind you that it's not just you who is affected when you have fear it's those who love you and rely upon you today we have with us calliope barlow's she is a bestselling author of three books and she is an expert in personal development and peak performance strategies she helped thousands of people become better spouses parents and succeed in business she's from went from pro golf her to doctor of acupuncture to phobia relief expert thank you calli pe for joining us today thank you so much for having me vivian and ron well as some think i think the the fear that you have we had talked about before was about business how to succeed in business there's a lot of people that may have jobs that they're not satisfied with and they want to launch how do we get started how do people overcome that hurdle first by thinking about what it is exactly that you want because a lot of people stay to offer what they don't want instead of what they do one i don't want to be poor well what if instead you start saying i want to have a better lifestyle for myself my family my kids because when we set direction for the brain it starts knowing intuitively what to do because you can't get rich sitting in front of the t v watching the shark tank so use language that promotes a positive thought process not a negative thought process that's right because you need to set a destination for your brain to start doing things to get it done so have a plan so basically think about what you want to achieve and then take action you talked about shark tank so sitting in front of a t v watching shark tank doesn't create business success for those t v watchers that's right because they can think all they want about what it is that they want but they also need to implement what it is that they're going to do to make it happen how do you help people do that first by starting about how it is that you're going to look like sound like and feel like especially when you have what it is that you want because it's not just about visualization we're like these super sensory human beings that see hear and feel especially and when you can actually taste what it's like to have the wealth that you want in your life not just with money but the intimacy of maintaining the intimacy with your family your wife your kids and your friends and really is just balancing everything so i have a question so often we hear about the coin phrase fear of success is that real that to me it's a sound crazy why would you be afraid of succeeding there's a woman named virginia who is a family therapist many years ago and she coined the fact that the greatest instinct in people is not survival the greatest instinct is keeping things familiar so that when people are in a rut or things are not going their way and they just feel like oh my god you know nothing ever happens right for me well the truth is is that if they start thinking about oh my goodness if i do actually have what it is that i want i'm going to look feel and sound amazing not only to myself but to others and so that way just by thinking about it it builds in a familiarity so believe in your success is the key while believing you need a strategy for one  you need to know when how to do this how my going to do this and i don't think that there is one recipe for any success anybody's success it's having a strategy and believing that you can and once you know that you can well what is it that you're going to have once you do it but as a phobia relief expert let's go back to this situation that you have the fear of success but then you have the fear failure how do you see those two either correlating or being different and which is more prevalent in people it depends on the individual and which ones are prevalent i think overall it's a fear of actually feeling that good because for so many people they're not used to having these incredible feelings of feeling good so give me an example if we're going to help people feel good what could the what could someone do today to start practicing to feel better so each and every morning before you get out of that imagine thinking about what it is in the past that's made you feel good so that in the moment you're feeling good so what if you come up with three basic things to feel good about before you even get out of that it sets a beautiful brain chemistry inside your mind so that you can go throughout the day feeling even better and when you feel good it changes how you do things i think that's a great strategy i have actually never heard that before but i have heard that the mind can't tell the difference whether something is true or false whatever you tell it it starts believing so if you tell it something that may not be convincingly true for you but it's positive and makes you feel better then will work well it's been scientifically proven they say that the brain doesn't know the difference between what it's done what it thinks or what it sees so that if you see someone performing a certain way doing something you brain mirrors the activity and the same goes if you have a thought about being successful like clearly seeing it and bright vivid color and huge so that you can actually see yourself being that successful your brain will actually make it happen more so than not having done that also i just realized of course as a human being we're conditioned to wanting to be with friends be with the people that the love is there over the of success correlated with maybe that if i'm successful the people who are closest to me wolf somehow alienate me or i'll feel too different from them does that ever come into play it sometimes happens with some people i don't want to be as close to you any longer as a friend because i'm jealous of you maybe the person just pulls back unexpectedly so perhaps someone's might be afraid of that and use that as their subconscious reason to not succeed is that possible it is possible and it's happened but the truth is is that when you said any goal in life you need to think about is it going to have a positive influence on every aspect of my life and if it doesn't is it worth getting so if you start thinking about what it is that you want before you get it you can start sorting out people's reactions people's responses to you so that you know how to handle it and look you have no control over anybody else's behavior other than your own so a goal is like a destination if you don't have a goal you have no map to follow to get there well let's put it this way if you were to put in a g p s a location that you want to go somewhere chances are it's not really going to take you anywhere so the brain works the same way once you tell it what it is that you want it searches and sorts for actually getting it right to a set of couch potatoes sitting in their chair watching t v and getting that do rush feeling good because the brain can't tell what's real or what's fake we're telling people to get up and actually live the life take the action get into business be involved with family in a positive way that's right and it's all about how you think it's how you think that changes how you feel which then changes how you do things so what is another strategy to help make sure someone sticks with it because of course fear comes and goes i would just when you think you might overcome it does to perhaps creep back in a different points as you progress well it can and the truth is that the more you are aware you become of that sort of thought because it can happen with anyone that oh my really doing the right thing but the truth is is that you can judge at the moment if you are or if you're not and if you keep going and thinking of the goal in mind it will propel you into actually getting it done so some people have phobias that are p t s d that are really angry they get anxiety ridden they're on medication like a xanax or clonopin or something like that how do you what do you suggest these people start changing what happed of how do you fix that  so anyone who's on any sort of medication needs to of course go to a doctor to see what the best thing to do is stop it or started or anything in between but when the things that can change brain chemistry is simply changing how you think for instance if i say think of a wonderful time in your life you feel a certain way but if i say think of a time in your life when things didn't go so well instantly you feel different so just by changing how you think it changes the brain chemistry what would you give someone as two or three pieces of nuggets of if they start on this journey and they're determined but you know everything has its ups and downs you have setbacks you have you know the little successes but as people go through this process of having a business once they start it and then making that a very successful business what is there is a standard maybe operating procedure of keeping a positive outlook to keep be persistent with what they want is there anything you could tell us there i would suggest that in any avenue that you take to build a business that you make sure that all aspects of your life  main in balance so that one thing doesn't affect the other so that at least ok you're busy at work but just make sure you remain connected with your children your family your partner whoever it may be so that you continue being a great spouse or a balance life business family personal health exactly because you know a successful business person may lose contact with their family and realize eighteen years from now oh my god i didn't even know i don't know what happened with my my family i don't know who they are is it that you don't like them i'm sure that's not because right so you want to maintain some sort of connection deeply with yourself so that it resonates with the rest of your life you help people with this personally yes i do and basically i guide people into what it is that they want i actually have them see in on paper how it is it's going to look like  this and it didn't and different different pieces of the pie represent different pieces of their life and so i have them put a gauge to it by numbers and how it looked in the past present and future so you've got a system that you feel really can prepare people and catapult people into success and phobia for your life and i have absolutely because there's no reason to suffer or no reason to hold your backs yourself back from having  true wealth that you deserve and of course not just about wealth because a lot of people have a negative connotation when you know they may have heard phrases when they're very young is too negative things about people who are wealthy right that may also attribute to them holding back because they don't want to end up being that negative connotation that they were raised with you know rich people are greedy or anything of that nature so is that something else they should look at is what belief systems that they were exposed to when they were young and a belief in that i think of all the wealthy philanthropists and had they not established the wealth that they did think of all the the resources that people in who didn't have that would not have gotten them if these people as the wealthy people are kind that's a collective well that's correct and this is why i encourage a balance in life so that you keep perspective on the things that really matter well that's why i think it's very encouraging and so much of a motivation personally when i look up what have people who have achieved great deal success done to help others and so that i can easily envision that as i grow and my success how many were people i can help and that just keeps me motivated i think that could be that said true for anyone that's right and the more you make the more you can give exam ackley as i mean you feel look at there's so many philanthropists that we can just model or selves after who were self made so i think that's a very right to keep that motivation going that's right and there are so many of these millionaires and billionaires whose previous businesses didn't do so well but it never held them back because there is no such thing as failure there's always something to learn from any experience so let's fail a few times and keep moving forward because that's the direction toward success that's right just like thomas edison right the light ball that ten thousand failures  until he just made that tweak and then success for all of us has failed way more than he succeeded which is something we should all remember you know this how many times have business owners failed tremendously but you don't hear about that you only hear about the ones when they do achieve so that's resilien and they figured out how it doesn't work so that they figured out how it really does work to learn from your mistakes or repeat them over and over again and so that if they're repeated you can at least propel yourself in the right direction right to get the we awareness absolutely it's a better way to to contribute in helping the population and the society around you and that's important yet you're teaching them to fish rather than getting fish bait specially you know how many small business owners give jobs to others it's what i believe forty five percent of the population is employed by small business owners and it's it's a crux of our economy that needs to be nurtured and fostered and make sure that we get it go and even more and especially these days it's so easy to open up your own business online you know you don't even have to and it's something that people can start after they come home from work start off part time to help but foster can set up a wordpress site for a few hundred dollars and s and there you go and you know it's a start to a beginning that and then it's important to figure out what do you think you need to continue to actually maintain the business because too often people say oh i want to start a business ok but they don't look beyond that well thank you very much for coming to see how great everyone how to not just start a business but dick overcome the fear in getting that first step second step and the ongoing fears that you'll face throughout the whole