and community television i hope you're having a great day i want to introduce you to my guest right now her name is janet warner and she is the author of the book and spells know why e s spells yes and then maybe so i got to go next bert she's been a consultant she's a resident of new jersey and she's here today to talk about really what is so much more part of our lives than you could ever imagine how many times you're faced with a no yes or a maybe in the day so welcome to the show thank you jean i mean to see you again thank you all right so ok so first let's leave here about you janet tell us about you so  the part of about me i will tell you is my business is i've been working with my own business for thirty one year started in one thousand nine hundred eighty eight gradually thank you still go and it's gone through many cycles as you can imagine and you know this talking about the book is really in the third cycle which i want to publish i like producing tools and publish books but i started out in the corporate training and consulting fields i love sharing plough in the pharmaceutical field as a technical trainer launched into pretty much most of the pharmaceutical companies in new jersey wow doing training consulting coaching and then it evolved i actually created  a training center in the middle of my middle stage but this last stage is almost entirely different because i'm working with small businesses and also do in publishing and printing of different tools so definitely a third stage yeah well it's interesting and i love the fact that you go on to created so many products that actually support what you're trying to educate people on let's go back to the beginning a little bit where then when you were talking about when you first got into the corporate world and you were training up to three thousand different corporate employees over in that i don't even know how you train one person so that is massive yeah and you also mentioned that you have had at least one of your customers for as long as twenty three years because they need as services so then yes that was the balance i had a small business client in the ninety's that i still work with today absolutely fabulous to see grow a lot you know growth  evolution partnership you know the owner and i think i learned how to work with small business owners and small businesses from that one experience because the contrast was i was in mark  pseuds and i did get very large accounts i had other people working with me we would across work across different divisions engineering quality manufacturing research and they were very large scale organizational transformation projects yeah yeah yeah i do way to kick off my business yeah how you were talking about change management culture and i i only say to everybody out there who knows i'm not a corporate person i'm very  short i work for disney corporate for sure ok not too long but it's funny whenever i think about anything especially in small businesses as well as large the to me what i know is the sales department and just about all the other departments so give us an example of a situation that you were able to kind of mend yes well mend connect connect is probably you know the word so in these large pharmaceutical firms we were implementing vision vision from the top across the board down and you know there were two things that we did one we took the vision off the wall put it on the table put worksheets out in front of employees and the work sheet said what is this vision mean to me and i was blank and so the employees were facilitated through multiple sessions to look at how does this impact me what does it mean to me how do i interpret that statement on the wall yet and how does it fit for my job then how does it fit when i work across departments how are we living this vision or the values or the mission that took multiple years and i just want  everybody i don't know if you're old enough to know but there was a time when you went to work didn't matter where you went to work and you were to walk in put your coat down sit down and deliver a job without having anything else to do or say you were not work family balance is before a work family balance right if you want to be somebody who actually has contributed to like technology we could actually track it we see w so long ago so that is yeah norm now it was like more gags for people to want to go to work and love their job that have are well and we call it engagement you know the engagement is that's the term now in the eight the ninety's when we were doing it there were others doing it but it wasn't so pervasive right the language wasn't there but it intuitively made sense we need to be able to communicate together so that this is more efficient and it was fun  i can't imagine selling it that's why yeah you so much credit about it because you are sitting there is this person looking at the future saying you know we need to start to get people engaged we asked other but i've still had to sell it to the people who saying i'm going to give a little bit more time out of the return on my investment is actually spent to the development of the personal growth thing which is why she's here to talk about her book and her products but again hold the book up for a second because i i don't want to even jump forward to where we're going with the book but i do think that everybody should get a little bit of an idea too about what does and bells know why  what does that mean so we can follow you through all these years of what you brought down tonight like you said just an instant a manager kind of like yeah it is like a one minute manager book so i'm going to relate it to what we just talked about you know when i first started my business i did one big yes i'm doing it yes i raised my hand i didn't know how to do it but i felt very called out which a lot of entrepreneurs do should so that was a big e a s you know and this is before i wrote the book but you know to manage the multiple clients and multiple tasks in it you know there were certain levels of no no i can't do this you know no not now and so it was almost like their early precursor you know getting thrown into a very big arena i had to learn those and i will say i'm still learning them there were times where i didn't say no anough right you know if i spent too much money and you know i didn't quite plan it out well you know managing the finances managing the structure of the business of managing the client engagements it was that you know there was a maturing i started out when i was thirty three so people are going to start adding up where i am but so you know the  understand that this applies to senior executives from own employees little children families at home you know we'll talk about that it has a lot about a person just you know parents anything yeah yeah it applies to a lot i and what i did when i first wrote it i actually started engaging with people and having conversations to find out you know where does this really apply most so you know we can talk about that a little bit as well yeah but i want to you know mentioned i remember we were talking about if you picture visualize like a setting in an office small or large we're basically you've got these people who are just brand new maybe are young or energetic or passionate and they've got ideas to share and they're throwing them out there at the table in the middle of a monday morning sales meeting or whatever meeting and then you've got the know the naysayer the blockers you know no money right now that's not on the plan give us some of the things they say they say no to budget on the plan you know just know right and you know and while that you know may be true there's ways to say to preserve the innovation the enthusiasm i'm going to say expression you know love his model he says he needs to teach managers to have a green light that's a go you know more green light to get the innovation going yeah but then i have a very clear firm no or no not now when it requires more decisions  and investigation yes so you know that to me is there is a way to do no and yes yeah the great keep going because you're right i mean people don't want to be shut down and just told no it's so does gaging and then when you do you have a different way of saying it which means that you know not right now no not now no not that way you know what you know that's one issue but we don't want to look at some other ways to approach this that particular way is not going to fit so there's a no on that but i do like your idea it's a yes idea yeah and you know want to let's do some research on these parts and then we're going to get back well get into maybe so in a little bit yeah but you know the yes is a whole nother thing to you have all different angles i notice in a lot of organizations there are a certain type of people that will say yes they want to be liked and please the boss or even their teammates and what happens with that you overcome it right and so you're saying yess you can't follow through so you either stressing out to take care of all the gases or you don't follow through right and that starts to erode trust you're not reliability and you don't feel good you know i feeling guilty good writes the book gets you to start sorting through that for yourself first individually tell us about the way that you present this in the book so that the person reading it feeling like a one on one connection with yeah well you know i'm going to pop to what the pages look like because you know there's some prompting to get the book growing but you know the pages are very simple they you know you could read this with a child you can read it obviously with yourself but it's an interactive you know one or two lines hour at the airport or so it was her last than an hour now and then airports a good image because you know there's waiting time in airports and people do carry their big books you know but this person did explain it was sitting and waiting and you know had his book with him he read it but then it caused reflection time there was meaningful reflection time and actually easy conversation if you want to talk to somebody right it's very quick to get into so we find that with focus groups as well it's doesn't take a lot to get a focus group of business leaders together which we just did yeah and even if they didn't read the book they were able to talk about the value of knowing yes oh yes oh you can you can talk about now and yes buy the book or you can buy the book read it and then talk about it you know you can go at any angle let's talk about maybe a little bit that maybe maybe so or maybe not genie you know what what is that what does that conjure up you know i'm thinking of the viewers people some people say maybe a lot you know where does that leave you it often leaves you hanging oh you know maybe it's a family has maybe is right in the middle you know is it a no or is it yass and some people say maybe as a placeholder they want to be nice or you know well maybe we'll get to that in a parent child situation maybe we'll go out later the out there you go that one terrible that one we remember because the child thinks it's a yes right and the parent might pretty much know it's a no and it's a disappointing for the child so i love the application to this towards young because the younger they could be to understand the boundaries of the know and the yes no is good yeah as they get pharmaceutical business and here's a leader and i could see it and you're the decision maker and i want this account and if i come to you and you say maybe i'm going home and go out for dinner because i think i have i got yes i got you on the phone again and then basically you've not done any favors i'm a fool you didn't do any favors and then basically like you say you want to have some kind of track ability and you're maybe answers i feel like it's there your mental energy is outlane it's clear and when you say no i'm ok with that because at least i'm not being held hostage to a maybe exactly you said it there think it's really important because there are so many times that you as emotionally honest national honestly you can tell that you feel good both parties are and they want to ask the right you know maybe we'll do it that way maybe we'll do it this year jeannie but let me get back to you right so now you're saying you know there's a possibility that could write when you're going to get back to me friday yet find that maybe maybe he's not a bad word now being somehow awesome when you have that back and to follow up yes deadline stuff that has i never thought about it before but it makes total sense yes and if people could be trained to be able to actually stop like ok so let's do your job that it was kind of this is very cool and by the way i have been so intrigued with this whole process that she has for over a year now show them just first a note of the biles and then we'll talk about th jeannie you know when i said i used to run you know massive groups of people through training programs we have manuals back then and over the years i just expression and small businesses but then pretty much for anyone i start to say let me make them into more job aids one pagers and more recently you know we're putting some key strategies or creek practices disciplines that's the word focus you know i don't have a training program i focus i just wan sign that says i get somebodies attention without me telling right we put them on file folders because sometimes you know instead of just having a piece of paper that gets lost the file folders used some people still use manila file folders y everyone i do this is a real powerful one is called assumption checking and that wound up in pretty much all my interventions expression where those conflict when we do assumption checking and use the language of assumptions it via motion allies is the situation and you start to use mental model language my assumption is i'm wondering if this sumption is useful is it is similar assumption that you have what is your assumption so we're actually talking a very grounded language it doesn't mean there aren't feelings in there but there are somehow they're grounded it came from a lot of the work out of mit with the dialogue project some people might remember peter saying there was a lot of work coming out so this has a lot actually a lot of scientific basis to it when it's slowing down the electronics i mean like i'm thinking of all the up locations in one of them this actually  saying you know assumptions make out of you and me assumptions get rid of assumptions don't have assumptions now absolutely not it became very clear in the work from mit that says assumptions are useful and what we need to do is get them out on the table and her mental model right that says like you have any or something about it has to do with the other person and i'm wondering what the other assumptions here she might be operating from and i'm wondering what assumption here she is operating and i'm thinking so it's almost like you have a checklist here to check what you are thinking and then recheck why you are thinking this way and then you have to all of a sudden switch it around and start this is the stop part to be able mental models you know how your neurons sexually active there and when you get them out and you start to have a guide to two exchange i've had groups are indeed groups meet with sales and marketing in the same room those are two totally biggest oh yeah we did get past that yeah and also also say that you mentioned in the assumption that it had some a lot of scientific facts yes it was kind of relates to research and development type of personalities and general to yeah yeah the language is so you know it fits across the board you mentioned families yes but i had most of the application a result in business i've had small businesses programmers again you know i said it teaching communication skills which people may or may not want or use this and it actually teaches communication skill i think it would also be really important for the differences of the generations because assumptions in that regard are probably aware of as if they're all as they like in a box that it's all stereotyped to so you  the pause like the pause oh this well so the southpaws is actually the number one it's on our website you can download it for free you know just to start actually you can download that exercise for free poised was the precursor to anything people talk so fast moves so fast think so fast when you're talking and thinking about what they're going to say not listening so we use this as a placemat everyone gets one on the table i don't even tell them i don't teach them it's there and the group in a meeting is learning oh i really do have to stop and pause sometimes i will bring attention to it but just stop stop pause what are we doing think breathe ask a good question reflect simple it's not that you don't know then i think also that you could well it's interesting not to not know it but it's also interesting to kind of study it like what you're doing here calling attention t not just checking it off with an overt offering under delivering you have five minutes left so i want to ask you show some of these specially explained about how you are available to visit with almost any small or large company  again something in a meeting that very quickly we can start to say we're making to suit decisions about budget you know what's on the no s what's on the yes list you know and then we start talking about them because everybody might have different items here sometimes we start a meeting with this little exercise that's a cut out cue people are cutting it out with a says or then they're putting it together in tape now i don't stop to do the exercise i start the meeting on time scissors and these are sitting out and as we get started with agenda and objectives people are starting to do it because it's and then as you're doing it you're actually reading it and getting your mind warmed up for the meeting so again simple placemat is sample and then i would laugh so hard because i believe that you are right and then it would be funny to take away the maybes for the maybe people we might so you know so there is everything as simple as it is simple because you know let's let's talk about the ball is now i simply asked why it's the best because if it's too complicated people don't they can't keep up with it this is their eyes too much yeah words that one minute so yeah for small businesses we go in and within an hour we do something very specific in a meeting and i get a result everything is now condensed short you know short close coaching clinics small book walk away with one hour pick it up online you can have janet speaks your group you can see how much fun it is and you can actually realize how important think about it