students faculty and staff were really unique program where we really were with all parts of the school's community so we do work with teachers who do big professional development will do one on one work with teachers who work with small groups of people who also work do some work with students and also some community work like this as well so very happy to be here to be able to provide that and we provide that free from the state as well and then another part of our program is we manage the matches g s a leadership council what that is that is a we have students i mean at the state level who get leadership development and who create content around different topics such as healthy relationships q history and then they bring that out and they meet in five different regions around the state sixth region next year so we're going to be adding the bircher region as well and that's great all the content everything about that is student run instead of driven basically we just make sure the pizza gets there and that's basically our job in that so great and so that's that's a bit about the state school for who we are such an object is what we'd like to do today you know we're going to really start off doing some one a one about vocab what are the words that we need to know when i understand to begin to have basic conversations about identities understanding the transitioned and live my life full time as a transgender man talk about that experience for myself and what that was like and also feel free to answer to ask any questions about what that what that meant for me and what that looks like for me i'm very happy to share about my experience in this space will review some policy guidance these are you know i'm the in my in my relationship i'm a social worker my partner is the lawyer so i he wins every argument i make him feel bad about it but it's an important all students this is about regardless of every other factor in the end we all know and understand that this is about making sure students feel safe and supported in schools in this is really just about making sure we know have the knowledge and know what we can do to really make that  happen in really you know what we said we're going to do some spotlighting of gender identity and why are we doing that you know we're spotlighting gender identity and we're going to be doing that very quickly in this presentation you realize and you'll recognize it's because it is six show us that about ninety percent of people in their life know someone in their life have a close friend or family member are themselves lesbian gay or bisexual or even serving this room raise your hand if you have a close friend or family member are yourself lesbian gay or bisexual so that's basically everybody in the room we see it in the media in our families in our communities it's really more open and we're seeing it a lot more so we're seeing about ninety percent of people know someone of life who's lesbian gay or bisexual but we're only seeing about sixteen percent of people in this is up from eight percent only about sixteen percent of people know someone who's transgender and what does that telling us that's telling us that this is what's new for people this is where people have the most questions around and around when we're talking about the community transit and these was where people have the most questions because like one of my colleagues i say this isn't dinner table conversation yet this isn't where we're you know we're sitting down and having everyday conversations about this even our own media representations of trans identities they're small in terms of representing the trans experience is very much representing a very particular type of trans experience and i think it's really important to name that that you know that when we're talking about coming to this work and why this is happening it's because this is where everyone has their questions and that's totally ok trent i could be more purposeful in saying general conforming your right to trans itself it will get to us also a little bit later is an umbrella term for which would include gender nonconforming about as well but i think you're correct where i could be more purposeful in naming that because i for mentioning that i think it's great so yes so just mentioning so just knowing that you know we're we're here about the fact that we're really honing in on that because trans identities trance in general conforming identities is where people are having their most the  questions and i think it's really important to name and acknowledge that as we go through and continue doing this work and also really looking at the really the disparities of the health disparities  of our transit in conforming young people in our schools so this is data taken from the massachusetts uterus behavior survey really outlining what it is what it's actually looking like fortran students in our schools in massachusetts so people think oh in massachusetts where there's very little liberal accepting place but you know we're still seeing that even not even just our old trans young people but even young people in general are still having a lot their health outcomes are a lot  more are a lot are not as positive as their straight or non transgender counterparts in schools and i think this is just a really important place to really also kind of ground us and why this work is important and then also just knowing that this data is state identities also what are the words that maybe you're hearing or not or that you've experienced that you're really not sure about so really beginning they're asking what are the words or that you've heard that are related to the community that you're like i don't know what that means i thought you could use but then apparently you can't or i thought you couldn't use out but apparently you can what are the were there any words that people have heard or curious about i want to make sure you get answered today around some of th worry i'll bring up some that you don't know anyway so to be great it's going to be awesome so really starting on a word that we really like to start with when talking about these identities is the word queer the word queer is a word that people have that has historically been used as a slur against the community but what has happened is historically the community has reclaimed the word clear in terms of a word of identity and a word of empowerment so we see that happen when we talk about people talking about instead of saying like you know like all those letters in like have this big of that sue people say the word queer so that way it's fair to say you know that you know you're gay and you have your experience and i'm transgender and i have my experience but we both come under the umbrella of being part of the queer community also it's in terms of people's identities as well people can identify their sexual orientation as queer also their gender identity is clear and will that it will talk about what that can look like and what that means but just knowing queers a word that it's really about the context in which it's use that there's really a difference between saying oh zachy identifies as queer and that he's such a queer in that when we're really thinking about this word and how we're hearing about context really does matter because yes and some that the way i use and understand the word  being a twenty three year old college student from boston massachusetts is going to be very different than someone who is from rural alabama is going to know and understand and use the word queer i think it's really important recognize the context but just knowing that we're not making a blanket decision about the word queer it's  oftentimes you'll see people be like ok queer yes we can use it no we can't you know in school settings at home and in like you know in afterschool spaces and then you know would we say queer no we can't use that word is not appropriate what we're actually saying is that you know your agenda is not appropriate for school or i don't want to hear you talk about your identity especially for kids who you know who might actually identify in that way so i think there's just a really great where that's really the context as matter and that say that it's more point to look at that and saying you know yes or no because that's really it might be how someone identifies and might not be a word might just be a we're not really used to but just knowing that it can be used in a way that's empowering and empowering for young  people because we're really seeing a generational shift around you know who's using this word you know my generation younger than me some older but not everyone is using the word queer career was another word that we would say is a word that you know you shouldn't just kind of throw around being not a part of the community that you know it's ok for people within the community to use it but you know coming because context matters and coming from a straight person or not someone who's not transgender might is someone might take that a little bit differently so it's people are attracted to or talk about attraction there's two different types of attraction there's romantic and emotional traction and physical and sexual attraction and we talk about sex orientation we're going is word like gay lesbian bisexual and sexual is another word that  there's just men and women totally gets gets rid of that and just knowing that this is also a word that is a perfect example of people within the community at this point just kind of making stuff up that we're talking about people in the words that they feel right that feel right for them that are empowering you know we think of words like gay lesbian bisexual and who do you think came up with those words straight people yes straight people came up with those words and we often see that we see the people in more in domin communities are telling people that within marginalized communities how they should identify themselves and what they should call themselves and not really checking in with people to see if those words make feel good for them or make sense for them and so we see that happen often so this is  perfect example of people saying well you're sick this is what you're saying but this is how we actually feel and then also a perfect example of a word that i'm totally going to lose my thought that's totally ok just another where that's really about  people being able to say you know this is who we are and this is because and then also because for some people some of these words have a lot of baggage that come with them like you think of the word lesbian and everybody has a lesbian that pops into their head like you know think of your lesbian like does she have short hair the she play softball and she drive a subaru and then for a lot of people they're like you know i like girls but i want to drive a subaru part of what i want in so a lot of people are this point making up words to really accurately more describe who they are in the experiences that they're having  and so it's really important be able to ask to enter to engage with young people engage with people when they have identities that we're not sure about being able to say hey you know what that's a new one for me can i ask you a little bit more about what that means to you it's never rude to ask someone hey you know what  especially if they're using a word that you've never heard before to say hey is ok if i ask you a little bit more notice the language though that there's a difference between saying oh so and saying oh identifies pansexual and be like oh tell me what that tell me what that means because them especially for a young person you know they might feel like they have to talk about themselves when really that are ready to or they don't want to so that language is very important it's called the ass to model being able to say hey that's a new one you know that's new for me can i ask you a little bit more about what that means to you that leave the autonomy with the student to then be able to say you know what hey no i don't want to talk right now it may be not the right place the right time you're not the right person but at least space for that person to come back later and say hey remember that word you asked member when you asked me about this one ready to talk ok all right yeah so pansexual poly sexual so i'm not sure if i can totally accurately answer that right now because yes yeah it's also i'm also i as a facilitator just model something perfect it's ok if you don't know and it's ok not to know there are there might be resources in the crowd that can help you so that when anyone i would say if someone ever identified a way of asking a little bit more about that means to a person also i'm totally giving you permission that it's twenty seventeen and just google it google has a lot better stuff that when we when i was younger and when i was in two thousand and nine and i came out but it's a resource  and then just looking for proper resources there are resources like transcendent network there like gender spectrum dot org and you have some of these resources with you where you can go and see if you can find some of this language it just might be new it honestly just might just be that male yeah that different yeah yeah i mean i think this is just an example ye sick that someone might hold this particular identity and not that one for a lot of different so i think there's a lot that can come with why someone might hold one identity over another you know we got a lot of those questions about well what's really different between bisexual  tony what they aren't than what they are if someone's sexual intention is clear they're identifying somewhere within the spectrum maybe they just don't have a word yet that fits them maybe they're not sure of a word yet or maybe queer is it maybe queer is just how they feel i know a lot of people who like the word queer because it's not gendered and i know people like the word queer because it makes some people believe that doesn't sound right so i think there's a lot of reasons so queer is another one that a lot of people like in are using yes we'll get there for that will be in a different sex we're talking about sex we're talking about biology we're talking about hormones chromosomes primary and secondary sex tourism is said in very sex characteristics secondary sex characteristics being everything that comes at the onset of puberty so  gender so oftentimes our society people use the word sex and gender interchange often to be polite you say you know gender instead of sex because you don't want to talk about sex in front of your mom and that's fine but really a supporter recognize that these are actually two totally different totally different constructs that where sex is about biology genders about society gender is a socially constructed idea of what it means to be a man or woman in any given society so that what that really means is gender is going to look different everywhere we go based on everyone's individual experiences the way we perform and understand gender in massachusetts is going to be different than the way we perform and understand gender in texas the way we perform and understand gender in the united states is going to be different than the way we perform or understand gender or gender in china i think it's really important to recognize that that when we think about our communities and if we think about you know the way we create opening and supportive environment for people it's about being open minded to what people can bring in terms of their understanding of gender and of gender  just knowing that it's also so it's cultural in a way so people bring that depending on the culture they were raised in and then also that we as a you as a town as a school as a state that we also have a cultural idea of what it means  of what it means to be a man and woman boy girl both or neither in the society and i think that's really important to reckon so we're gender where sex is about biology and gender is about society gender identity is about the self who am i and who who  i understand myself to be and we're talking about gender identity we're going to use words like man woman boy girl we're also going to use words like genderqueer in gender fluid someone who identifies as gender clear again you're seeing the word queer there  someone who you know i don't hold a gender identity but my experience working with gender queer people is that you know someone who identifies as genderqueer might identify as either both a boy or girl they might identify as neither a boy or girl or they might identify as like you know sixty word then gender and then gender fluid is another one that fluidity is a very important part of the identity for some of these gender fluid it's about being able to move about that idea of what it means to be a man or woman boy girl both or neither in our society few days later maybe like a week or two later and you put it on your like this doesn't feel right this doesn't feel like me it doesn't make me look good it doesn't feel it doesn't feel right in then you put something else on you like yep this is a so it's really about that it's not a choice is just about how someone feels and that indecision doesn't necessarily mean confusion that oftentimes people say oh i go if someone's moving about can't decide then they don't know that actually just might be that person's identity is that they have a fluid identity in that those kind of idea that socially constructed idea of being either one or the other doesn't actually fit for them so i think it's really important to know when talking about gender identity also that gender identity is different than sexual orientation then we think about who people are in how they think about themselves as different than who they're attracted to we think about it's really important to note that so often times people say oh if you're transgender does that mean your day while someone was gay was and they happen to also be gay then yes but sex orientation doesn't has nothing to do with who you think about how you think about yourself and how you understand your experience to be and i think it's really important that this is like a general protest about trans people in their identities is that we always understand trans people in their experiences based on who they tell us they are based on their gender identity because what is underneath people's clothes is none of our business for some reason you think it is that as a trainee i'm not qualified to give and that we should always understand who people are by what they tell us that they are and i think that's really important you know we think about that in terms of even yes and so i think that's really important when talking about who understand people in their experiences always referring to  transferrable as the gender they tell us they are now even when we're talking about them in the past that you know even as a you know an adult now as a transgender man when my parents talk about me when i was in kindergarten they say oh exact he knows that they refer to me as they refer to me by h i think it's really important that can be very nuanced thing that shows you that you have a lot they show that you have a understanding of how to talk about and understand trans identity next is gender gender expression so gender expression is how we show our gender to others and what my her to say is gender expression is everything you can change by like going into either a department store or like supercuts so like your clothing whether you have a bifold or trifold wallet your length your hair color whatever and then also there are some other things as well so there's like your mannerisms there's the social activities you choose to participate in these are all the things that we talk about we talk about gender expression this is where we're going to see more gender nonconforming things coming up dennis transgender but still identifies as a man but still but maybe their expression of how they express themselves and whether they like masculine or feminine things might be different than what we would expect from that in so that's where we're also seeing that come up as well  knowing that gender expression is how we express our gender is how we express our gender to others and what that looks like so there are any questions about anything so far that we've gone through or does any other things come up for anybody  n talking about the so this is this is just a model to really come back and to understand some of these identities so this is the gender bred person is adorable the gender bred person  is a great way to talk about these identities because we looked at all of these identities individually so we brought we we took them apart we looked at them each individually but we bring but we were only want to end by bringing them all back together knowing that these are all parts of every single person's identity and what makes up one whole person so we talk about people you know everybody has a gender identity oftentimes people think oh when we talk about gender identity we're just talking about trans people but now we're really talking about everybody everybody has a gender identity everybody has a biological sex everyone has a century and we're just maybe talking about a little bit more person a little differently we're talking about the community but these are parts of every single person's identity this is also the model  yet it feels like it's a weird way that i wanted to explain that i just know so just like it's just like being asked like you know are you a woman are you a man and if you in however you think about yourself that's your gender identity so i don't know if that's really the best way to explain it but it's just being able to say to those who you who you understand yourself to be is that like it's more just about who do you understand yourself to be so if i asked a person do you  do you think about yourself as a woman or a man and his sons as well i think about myself in the context of this society as a man will then that's what gender identity feels like it feels like being a man and in this society and so that's i think that's one way i could explain it things like that i think are a little hard to explain but i think i don't know if that kind of makes sense at all  would be like a some it's kind of like if someone says like oh you know called you he and him all i don't know i don't actually know what pronouns you use so so she her and her so it's be like if someone were to call you he him like say oh he hated referring to you you know that women feel right because that's not who you understand yourself to be as a person you're not he your she and i think that's one way to think about it it would be like someone telling you that you were saying no you're a man you're like but i but i identify in a line with what it means to be a woman and having someone tell you that that's not true so i think it's really it is going to be kind of hard to understand it is yes personally only know what gender identity feels like when it's inconsistent and so it's a little challenging to understand i think the concept itself can be challenging for people who don't have that experience but i think it's a fair question  yeah yeah talking with educators this is the model we use we're talking with young people again in an age appropriate way a lot of our high schoolers in our late middle schools are using this model and this is referred to as the gender unicorn it's great because it's a unicorn and it's just another way to look at gender  look at these identities i think what's really important about this model is it does split up that physical attraction the emotional moment attraction but i think what it also does is that it's not a binary so it doesn't say that ok we have feminine here and masculine here and that to be more masculine you have to move further away from femininity what it really is about is saying that you can have both and it's ok to have both and knowing that's about where you are and how do you align with this and so be able to plot yourself and understand your experience on this is a model we how do we understand what it means to be transgender so one i'm going to say is going to be a little different from what's up there but someone who identifies as transgender as someone who's biological sex or their sex assigned at birth doesn't match their gender identity how they feel about themselves in terms of being a boy girl man woman both so so whether so someone who has biological sex or their sex assigned at birth doesn't match their gender identity and how they feel about themselves and so this is where we're seeing so anyone who can fall under that so people who are who identify a transge genderqueer some people who identify as general conforming can fall under this umbrella of this overarching idea of what it means to be transgender and so there it is an umbrella term but it's also an identity word like i use as a demi word to say i i am transgender it's not a slower to refer to people who aren't transgender it's just a way to say hey if you're cars what we often were saying was this was transgender and this was normal and you know and this was trans in this was regular it was being able to say hey if we're there if you're going to call us what we are we're going to call you what you you think about yourself as a woman you are systemin or if you are sign male it birthing think about yourself as a man then you are sister is just about saying you know this is what trans is in this is what not being trans is which i think is really important yep interchangeably gender identity is how i think about myself and gender and gender is a societal construction so i think that there can that some people use them interchangeably some people don't like like i said this is a type on the side but i wouldn't necessarily use gender but i think i understand where you're coming from and why you move in and what you're saying around that i think that becomes a lot from because trans people have like the language to talk about it where a lot of people who aren't trans don't like have that conception of gender identity being different from gender and yeah that's what i think that's what i think  yeah that's her that's queer theory logo will go that we can we can talk later great in so then just real quick about this piece around gender identity in children oftentimes we see that you know people say you know a young person says that they're transgender they're like well they're so young how do they know they can't know that oftentimes we're seeing people saying like transitions are their college issues they're high school issues it's not for middle middle and elementary school what we're saying is that though not every transgender person is going to necessarily identify  as trans when they're three that we have kids who do at one point in our program we had one of our one of our one of our staff members who was working with like ten different middle school elementary schools who had a kid who was transitioning their gender and we recognize that this is it is it is something that can happen that as young as age two kids are really beginning to understand that there are gender differences in our society and that young as young as age for kids gender identity  solidified and they're able to articulate whether that's different than who they're told that they are so we i think about my own experience you know being the first time identified as a boy was when i was three years old people asked what i wanted to be when i grew up and instead of being like a normal girl and be like i want to be like a teacher or like a unicorn trainer or something i would always say that i wanted to be a boy but you know for lots of different reasons i think one of those being you know there weren't images of trans people in the media there no no nothing it was one thousand nine hundred six i think is another very important thing we're talking about maybe why this wasn't a thing the conversation just wasn't there there was nothing in our society that told us that this was a thing that could happen or that this is something that was ok so i didn't necessarily get to always identify as trans though the first time i did identify was when i was three what this side is really about it's about giving the liberty to our young trans people that when they say when we have three year olds four year olds who are saying i don't know why you keep calling me a boy i'm a girl that we need to listen to that you know me and my mom talk about the fact that you know i have five older brothers and sisters i have my said very good point mom would have saved us a lot of time therapy but i think it's important it's important to recognize that you know when we say you know when kids who are not showing in consistencies and maybe how they're in there and how people expect them to identify we say yup that's ok and that's normal but once his don't we're saying well know that there's something wrong with that or saying is that you know that's just might be how that kid identifies and i think it's important to recognize that but also like i said this is not every kid is going to have this opportunity to identify at this age that you know we have you know kids people in our program and some friends of mine who were assigned birth and were totally fine being girls all the way up until they were sixteen they found the word transgender and they're like oh that's what that feeling was and then they now living their life full time as a man and they're totally happy and i think that's really a point to recognize as well that being trans about holding that identity and not whether you know we could or couldn't tell when you were younger and i think that at any point in person's life they identify as trans than that that is their identity in that it's not about whether you know we knew when they were younger or not cool and then when we talk about trans people we talk about oftentimes the word transition comes up and we talk about transition there's a lot of different there are different types of transition that in that transition for transfer means doing whatever that person needs to do to feel safe and comfortable in their body and that may or may not include a medical transition for lots of different reasons because it's expensive because they don't feel support they don't have access they don't have the resources that are in so i think that's really important recognize that in that for most trans people when they're going to start transitioning we're talking about a social transition this is also we're talking we're talking about young people so kids who are in elementary early  le early to middle school when we talk about transitioning their gender we're talking about a social transition the only medical intervention that might be that might happen at all would be a hormone blocker which could be inserted just to stop the dominant hormone of picking a new name is going by the pronouns you identify as maybe changing your gender expression to match your gender identity so your clothing your hair and so that's always going to happen with the social transition i started socially transition the beginning of eighth grade so i just went through a process of you know telling people i was a boy i was telling my friends and maybe i told one or two teachers but also knowing that i began to socially transition at the beginning of eighth grade but wasn't living full time as in all areas of my life until i was a junior in high school and so i think it's really important to recognize that that this is about a transition again is about what's going to make that person feel safe and comfortable and if they're not feeling safe then they can't necessarily do the things that we would always say that that that they might want to do in terms of their identity in terms of affirming their gender identity so hormones hormone replacement therapy so like for me being female to male i took a shot of testosterone and i'll do that once a week for the rest of my life and that was just like going through typical male purity i mean that is typical male puberty is seventeen year old girl going to be were can be but i heard it was pretty there's great meet all the boys and i in the freshman class bonded when our voices cracked and i know that's just a piece of medical care dish and there's different surgeries and stuff people can get but again unless this is something that you're helping supporting a child through whatever a lot of those more a lot of those things might be more more permanent scarring of the jobs going to be more permanent so there's some stuff that's permanent but there's some stuff that's reversible but again you know i didn't start hormones without you know a letter from a therapist with my parents involved  with you know you know seeing a doctor or a social worker all these other things there's lots of people that are going to be involved when these things are happening there so there are some things that are versatile and there's some things that create any other massachusetts discrimination law was amended to include gender identity is an expression as a protected category in not all parts of the into discrimination law but education was one of them the law was then amended again in october of twenty six if you use a name in most areas of your life you're not doing it for any fraudulent or improper purpose that legally is your name and that's all the ground schools are going on to be able to change a student's name in the school change a student's name in the school system we're talking about high school students were getting into college applications anything attached to your social security number you're going to need a court order to legal name change the law but we're really talking about making sure a student's name and identities were the name and gender identity as they see fit is reflected in the school system that can just you know male and female we now have an for non binary it's not to you know count the trans kids it's just because you know for myself you know i'm going to choose and i'm going to feel good about that as just to say that we have young people in our schools in our communities where m an f don't feel right for them and so the option should be available in schools should make sure to check their systems to make sure it's updated to reflect that and so also yes i think the way i understand it is just the school systems but i that could be something you could look into but as i understand every now it's just the school system has amended their system to make sure to include that yeah our game was the first state to legalize a third gender option but yeah so we're very lucky matches that we're we're kind of going along in understanding that yes it's not because the guidance was created before that there are gender markers often the third gender marker was just implemented this year and not even every school system knows about it or has their system updated to reflect it i think it should be or in then also the safe schools page on the department of yeah no yeah i think that's very true that you know we talk about doing these things and doing what's good for students but you know there is another part of this work that's about school climate income in communities and looking at that work and that some of the work we do in this program is about changing school climate because you know what's the point of giving the transfusion all these save protections and and in in all these things when they're not going to use them because they're too afraid to even be out so that's true that you know this is this is for you know idea of ideal for the students who need it but not students have the ability to access it i think community school communities and climates can be a part of that ye and i think that stuff is something to think about and consider when having these conversations force and i think i think a lot of communities are really recognizing that you know they're they want to do the best thing they want to do it but they're really recognizing that in terms of you know the administration and you know teachers who really care they they've got that in some ways but there's they've really recognized that maybe in terms of school climate in terms of student populations maybe the students or other people within the communities still need support around  yeah yeah and i think that the more were brave really beginning to understand that these are conversations we can have at the elementary school level in age appropriate ways we're really seeing that we're being able to access and get into elementary schools and do this work in elementary schools more but i think there is that you know that idea that these are high schoolers are the ones who can understand this but really knowing that there's ways to talk about this there's actually a great resource in your packet about how to talk about this how to talk about you know i was a b b q identities with young people and in this is at the elementary middle school age level i actually just did a bunch of work we did training and we did workshops for the entire entire middle school or six seventh and eighth grade in all the students and it worked really well and was really positive and i think so it can happen i just think it's going to have a conversation with your community about how do you make that happen but it's happened before really though much of this he so that name general record change piece also informally at any point the student says this is my name and on respecting the choices that students are making around their name and that's how we really show respect to talk about the small things that really make a huge difference with respecting l t c q identities this is a big one respecting a student's name and pronouns can be so important and  really change their school experience as a law firm so students should be able to use the bathroom that consists of their gender identity or a gender which about them if that's what feels right and comfortable for them that it's the duty of the school to provide all the options options because students have a right to use the bathroom that consist with their gender identity and that often we see that you know if someone says like you know we have a sister or student who's like well i don't want to use a bathroom of the trans person well one well good luck we don't know who all the trans people are because you know we have kids that are coming out younger and younger who will live their entire lives you'll never know we don't know who all the trans people are so you can't really say you know that you don't want to use the back of the trans person because we just don't know and then also that if that person if that sister understood it is that how that if that is how they feel then that person is the one who needs the accommodation that person has every access to a sex bathroom to a single a bathroom just like every other student in the school has an option it's not the trans bathroom it's the gender neutral bathroom that every student has access to whatever reason they might need it for and just knowing that we're not going to say well the trance didn't have to use the gender because that's what's going to make everybody else feel safe feel comfortable because that's when discrimination happens we often see that where we say that the people who are saying well you're the one that's different is going to go do the do this thing and we're going to remove you from everything from from everything else because you're the one that's different because that's discrimination and just knowing that you know like i said that in this goes for  well students should be able to use the bathroom in locker room that consist of their gender identity or whatever space is going to make them feel comfortable nexus confidentiality confidentiality is another important one because in some cases this is being seen as a medical diagnosis and people are just being told on a need to know basis and so what that means is that maybe when you're going into school and we have we have young trans people that maybe the school nurse the principal and maybe the home teacher knows just in case something happens in that's really important to know that practice around this is that in some cases the minimal amount of people that know is important is one of the ways of people go sometimes they do it differently sometimes they'll make sure the will parents and families might feel like there's a need to have some sort of conversation with communities and with with classmates but that's not always the case and that's not necessary the best option for school for a young person but just knowing in terms of confidentiality that's even for myself when i was in high school that my you know my guidance counselor knew that even though like pretty much everybody knew i was trans because i came in the school girl in with this name but by the time i was a junior i was a boy and i had this name that my teacher my  was never allowed to talk about me to anyone without asking my permission first and it was then my right to say yes you can talk about me or no i don't want to talk about me but always know it's ok to talk about the policies and practices you have in place to support transgender non confor students and you can do that without using it individual students then athletic so stupid should be able to play in the athletics team that consists of their gender identity the masters this athletics association also hears by this policy and just knowing that there's you know there's ways they regulate that like you know you can't be like oh well i went out for softball and that didn't work so i guess a lot for baseball now it doesn't work like that in students and they don't switch mid season and they you know there's they're encouraged to sit with the team it's just  just knowing that you know we're talking about this isn't the collegiate level this isn't the olympics really we're looking really at the what it means to play sports in middle school and high school it's about the development as about the social and emotional  gains that well that kids get when they play organized sports it's about learning the game it's about the quota system and that you know this policing of trans people and trans young people in middle and high school sports is really just an necessary in the end i said association also adheres by this policy as well and then also gender practices so gender practices we asked schools and communities to look at to say you know is this necessary and you know do we need this a lot of times it's not for a lot of schools we see you know when we say you know people say ok boys line up first girls line out first you know well two things are happening one you're telling you know the you know you know even you know myself like you know if someone said boys go do this you know i'm going to go with the boys that's fine but there are people who are saying who will be like well then but then i start thinking of like well why are we doing this why do we need to do this ok i'm gonna go with the boys but now who's like thinking about the fact that i'm transgender and why is this necessary and like so there's all these things going through my head and then for a young person as well who maybe doesn't know yet but knows that day know that they have to go somewhere that doesn't feel right for them it can cause a lot of stress we had a young our read i think i read this in a book where there was a young trans person was in my kindergarten in this every time the teacher would say you know girls up boys and the kid would just go run and hide in the closet because they just didn't want to have to make that choice and then also we say when we say ok boys girls who are we leaving out there is some people where boy and girl don't feel right for them in so we're not really leaving space for that person as well but just knowing on also talking about gendered practices that you know it's hard we're talking about communities we're talking about culture we're talking about things that may have been ingrained in not only just this community but school in sports for a long time so sometimes it's not about getting rid of it totally and sometimes it's just about making space for people to breed and we saw that happen we had a middle school where you know a student there was a transgender boy in the gym class and so on the trans boy in the gym class and so the gym teacher was like ok so i'm no more gender you know no gendered and their anything you know and mixed teams and everything and what he just realized the boy students were just playing along just like at a different level than the girls were and nobody was enjoying themselves and so when he needed doing was saying ok so all the boys and anybody who wants to play with the boys you go over here and all the girls and anybody who wants to play with the girls you go over here what he found for that was that you know it wasn't about totally getting rid of gender it was just about space for people to breathe and for people to make the choice that was right for them in that trans boy in that class he actually went with all the girls you want to know want to know why because one of his friends were and he just wanted to be with his friends like most middle school age kids they just want to be with their friends and that was what was important so i think it's really important to recognize that sometimes it's just about making space for students for people to breathe languages and another thing we talk about we talk about gendered practices you know we say you know in schools especially  people say ok you know we say boys and girls and you know we're speaking to students you know ladies and gentlemen and think you know what is a non gendered way we can can refer to a group of people also using also not using the gender neutral guys when referring to a group of people because when we do that you know what are we actually doing we're saying guises you know oh in our society might be understood that you're you know your understand your meaning to be gender neutral but you know even when i do this work i say ok guys and i say well sorry not everybody here identifies as a guy there are actually people who might like well you're not talking about me if you're saying guys really recognizing that and also recognizing that like you know there's this whole other thing we could impact about why gender neutral in our society in a lot of in a lot of language means non feminine getting rid of femininity and what is masculine the default when talking about gender and being gender neutral and i think that's another thing we totally unpacked but we're not going to right now but i think it's a really important thing to think about about the gender thinking about our language and how referring to people so i hear people in school say you know you know folks friends y'all and that you're from the south but it's fine you know my i mean my mom says you people but that's what she calls me and my siblings so i don't think that was nice i don't know if i'd use that one but you know there's lots of different ways we can talk to groups of people that's not gendered in that way or any questions about any of this or what questions you all have about any of this ye yeah yeah yeah or like everyone they're friends or you know the older lover you might say callie but you know when beginning to do this work some of the times like i mean that's just as important as getting rid of it as is really understood in question well maybe i shouldn't be doing this that there's levels to this work there's questioning the language in the use of the language in our society then there's dismantling the establishment marching them pride parade both are important and you're also welcome to the pride parade that's totally fine but just knowing that you know i think it's important as much as important to kind of get rid of that language i think beginning to question is just as important as well one of the questions what i think i've heard of the name  kid and then you know it took her a while to figure out and then she would then we you know one school year in target and she's complaining about all the gendered stuff for the beginning of the school year that's great but i took it even took for her to have a trans kid for her to really realize that you know what this system doesn't work but i think people come to a thing and it really realize those things in different ways the sooner we can realize it before so we're making space already making space inclusive and supportive is great but sometimes it takes for people to have those personal experiences like we said earlier the like you know the nineteen sixteen that it takes for people have those personal experiences to really make them like shift in understand some of these  yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah there are and i think there are lots of of organizations that are doing some of this work you know our nation does training in community events and other amazing organization that's working with parents and in does  some work with students and educate in as well ye yeah and i think and i think there will be opportunity to provide feedback around that there will be a survey that will go out later that way you can provide that feedback as well which i think is great feedback has you know we often talk about you know you know a lot of has we do these where we do this work or preaching to the choir we have the people who care and want to be there so how do we get the people who you know who know who what when it always come i think there are ways that organizations are able to make that happen you know we're taught you know talking about doing work with students also you know there's a gender spectrum  is an organization and california and they have some really great model curriculum about how you have these conversations with kindergartners with fourth graders in age appropriate ways that's about changing culture and it's about changing you know you know the young kids who love to gender police how do we you know how do we how do we address that in a really authentic way and i think there it will talk a little we can get a little bit into that until kind of like what that can look like but i think there's opportunities for schools to really look at their curriculums as well to really think about you know where can we include this conversation when talking with students in an age appropriate way that's really about changing changing culture and community but yes so but i think that's a really g school we're working with where the school got rid of the two colored graduation gowns and purely because it was a ministration administrative decision to reflect you know the changing cultures and the changing things in our society and there was a lot of backlash to the trans kids in that grade saying that it was because of them that though they were ruining graduation because they wanted to make like three students feel comfortable i know they got really really into it for the graduation downs but but you know and i think that it's important to recognize that when those decisions are made that we talk about why they're being made in that the really important to recognize you know why these signals are being made and then implementing them in a way that's really responsive and support and involving the community and being able to do that in a way that everyone kind of that is being like this is what's going to happen but talking about why we're doing this and just know that it's about changing communities and climates ye yeah yeah yeah and it's a lot around communities and schools working together to really do this work and i think that's really important yeah using it in some in some instances i you know the communities that i'm a part of the more we haven't really heard used a lot but i think it's something that's up and coming about you know language is always changing and i think it's always becoming more inclusive yeah you know i think that when we really think about you know the messages in our society that kids are getting around gender and you know being a boy and being a girl i think our kids our kids are becoming know this already they're getting messages from from media from school about what it means to be a boy or girl and i think what's important to say you know to be a boy or girl has more to do with how you think about yourself than more than your body that i think the way we would describe as before is that being how you think about yourself can be different from like how your body looks and so our kids are you know told that like you know you know if your girl your vagina your boy you have a penis and i but what about the girl who's like well i think i'm a boy but on a penis like to be able to say you know to be it's about being a boy or being a girl is how you think about yourself do you think about that you're do you think that you were girl do you think that you're a boy yeah think sometimes we can say that you know we can talk about maybe those ideas of like you know you know girls can have a jazz but not every girl is going to have vagina and that i think that it's important to make our language more inclusive we might be more concrete with younger kids but i think that i think again i think we're going to be able to get a little bit more into like maybe what this can look like when talking about this because we're not going to have those really strong questions about anatomy and all that with a two year old that's not age appropriate to do that it may or may not be depending on the child but i think there are ways in which we can talk about this that's maybe more you know it's going to meet the kid more that they're out maybe it's not nestl about getting into that you know you know not every girl has a vagina maybe it's going to be more about saying well girl know those aren't girls and boys so people can play with what they want it's going to be more into that and not gendering those aspects than other things  think that a lot of people struggle with and i think that it's something that people it's practice and it's looking at how people are defining in and talking about these things in different ways so real quick just you know in the last few minutes just going on real quick that there are some books and resources available so these are some so these are some books that are for the elementary middle school level to be able to talk about these identities and into bring these things out you know the in age appropriate ways welcoming schools are gender spectrum again great resources for how to talk about this with young people with young children and then also some more school and family based resources school and family based resources as well and also just a little bit looking into gender spectrum what they have to offer or you know this is you know how we talk about you know in pre k to second grade what does it look like the overarching concepts we're going to talk about with young kids you know towards or toys in harris hair colors or colors in clothes or clothes you know that's an important thing we have there is no video of a model curriculum with kindergarten age in kindergarten age kids where you know that each kid has a marker in the teacher's hoops on the floor and one says boys girls and both and she ask the kids like you know this color is this a color for this a boy color or girl call in the kids you know will say you know it's a boy cause girl color and but they'll get different answers and they say oh but can so this can this be bold and so they talk about they are really starting with colors with those more concrete concepts to say ok this isn't just a girl color it's for everybody anybody can like a color and it's talking about those different types of things and then maybe we're going to second a fourth grader or maybe talking about things little bit differently gender include relationships between how we think about ourselves in our bodies you know moving that in going into that in again the age appropriate way for second fourth grade we may be talking about those concepts fourth the sixth grade talking about that gender looks different in nature and culture in different places that gender is going to look different gender identity and then just knowing that there some really great work being done about family acceptance that family acceptance really looks like what that can really look like saying to being able to say that you know being able to move a parent who's not accepting from you know a ok but don't tell grandma she's eighty and one and understand and then there's you know accepting families then there's also like you know so are tori which they also found was very it was a category but family family response to this is important the likely do attempt suicide three times more likely to use a legal drugs and they think these are things that we know but we're really what does it look like when we're accepting so when this is what it looks like when with different accepting behavior so extremely accepting very a little and not at all and this is what young people believe that this is for what young people leave if they could be a happy and healthy adult and you can just look at this data saying that you know people who had families that were not at all accepting were less likely to think that they could be happy and healthy adults  people whose families were even just not even totally not even extremely accepting just a little accepting the outcome as becomes higher then maybe they go from a little something to a very accepting again higher and then extremely