for creating a life of your dreams we do this by sharing stories of people who have done it our guest today is living proof that you can have it all she's created her dream why filled with love a successful career and a beautiful family and if she can do it so can you sustain a tune for some inspiration and practical advice that could have you living the life of your dreams to my guest today is andrea shock a woman who dreamed of having it all finding and creating a life with her soulmate having a fulfilling career and a beautiful family after marrying starting a family and establishing her career she took a step back and realized it wasn't quite the life she longed for she took some big risks to make changes in her life and has now fulfilled her dream of having it all welcome andrea thank you thanks for being here that they could be here thanks for coming i i know it was a big trip in terms of you being on the west coast and i feel very fortunate that we were able to to get you when you're on the east coast so you could be with  so andrea i want to share with our viewers your story and and give them a sense of where you were before and where you've come to now and to the steps that you took along the way to to get there so if you could start by just kind of giving us a sense of of where you were when you initially had the dream of of having it all dream of having it all for most of my life but this particular and i think maybe started five six years ago when i was living here in boston having been here for many years and was was it was marion in or of relationship where we were starting to grow apart we weren't  same and we were evolving and i started thinking that that that there was something wrong and in addition to that i had a wonderful job but i was commuting three hours a day to small children and i wanted to be closer to them one of my sons actually has some medical issues so i really wanted to be close and i just started thinking that this is just not right something's just not right and started to think about well what it is that i really wanted and how i would try to get there i have been working work then to make it happen and so i i will let our viewers know that that we have known each other for a long time and i've seen your journey from having the dream initially and making every attempt and working really hard i felt to create this dream life that you wanted and then see you make the changes that you needed to to make to make it happen so first just going back to you know where you were five or six years ago and on the outside many people would have looked at your life and thought wow you do have it all you know you're you have a relationship and and you have beautiful children and you have a very successful career but what what was going on behind the scenes and what made you realize you needed to to make some changes something was missing and you're right everyone thought that everything was great for so long but i just knew inside that i was unhappy and i just i wasn't happy and i didn't feel like i was in a loving nurturing happy healthy relationship and and it took it took me some time to realize that it wasn't it wasn't just the job or just that was doing it it was really what was going on in my heart and what i was feeling and so  as as as my husband and ex husband and my relationship was falling apart i became very good friends with a colleague a work colleague of mine and i realized what what what what a soulmate could be what friendship could be was living on the west coast and just i just knew that that that the mood that i moved was what i needed and a change and the rest would fall into place you know i just i really followed what my what my my family i approached my my job thinking that they would never allow me to leave boston and that was not a non issue i was able to work from home and create a life of flexibility and where i opportunity to be with my children more and i just took the steps probably over a year and everything just fell into place once i decided that that's what i wanted to do and to to fulfill my dreams of living a happier fulfilling life that would also benefit my my children it just happened it just flowed so well going back to that point of saying i have to make changes  many people in that situation would just say i have a family i have responsibilities i have a great job to do to have a great job and they would say you know i i  have to make do with this i have to you know right right take care of my family and and particularly with your son's medical issues with diabetes you know that was a big responsibility as  well and i think many women in that position would say you know what i am going to stick it out in this marriage because i need support you know and i need someone to to bear the brunt of this responsibility so what gave you the strength and the fortitude to make the decisions today to change and say this is not right i'm going to i'm going to create the life that i really do dream of it was hard and you know it was it was hard as i didn't get a lot of the  support that i thought i would cause as you say many people especially women are are the judge judge mental that you're doing something that could have effect on abreu your family it's not something that that people actually feel very comfortable doing so it was really hard it was really challenging to convince people why i was doing this but as i as i've shared with you it's just it's always felt right it's always just things just fell into place and i you know not to go back to it but i just followed how i was feeling and what i knew was best in my heart for me and my my my kids and our family and that gave me the strength i really gave me the strength to do things i never thought i could do from from from my kids were young enough that they weren't yet in school and that was you know part of what made uprooting them a little easier but challenging and leaving my family and my friends and your families on the east coast  the the the idea of living where i live now in california where i always wanted to live in a life where i'm outdoors twenty four seventh's most of the year and doing the things that i love personally  i'm sure that along the way you had some doubts and fears that that crept up so what were some of the the doubts and fears that you had before you mate started making the changes  d i'm being honest i had a few but not as many as i thought i would because it all just felt so right but i did i was nervous about how my kids would transition but i did a lot of preparation and working with people who know how to deal with children in transition and i had a lot of good advice and i really worked with my kids to make that seamless i had a i was a little nervous about changing jobs i mean i actually stayed with my job i just did it remotely a little nervous how that would work out so i had few doubts that that's a big point right there i mean many people would think oh my gosh there's no way that i can stay in my job and actually move to the west coast so again that would be a stopping point for me for many people like i can't walk away from this career it's a combination of that and actually this was so in lightning to me and empowering to me that i have all my years of thought i need to commute three hours a day to get into the office i need have a corporate you know i'm still in a corporate position but be in a corporate office and i see people all around me you know being able to have some flexibility and i thought i could never ask for that but the fact that i asked confidently to move and take my job with me remotely and had my boss just yeah sure do it no problem that was that was incredibly as powerful for me  because i i just i think oftentimes people set up their own boundaries and rather than ask for what they can ask right and i'm doing that but i i think that was one of the hardest things for me that's what i think i had the most doubts about  not making the transition but asking to make right incision and it's interesting to in what you were describing a you know you thought that you know you had to commute three hours and you had to be in a corporate environment and i think that ties into a lot of people's beliefs of life is hard life has to be hard to be successful you have to work really hard and you know and it just doesn't have to be that way yes yes and it's actually how you define success rather and and if you define success as you know commuting corporate life making you know being that martyr you know doing it all and i but that's one definition that's but i tried to change my definition of success which was hard for me because i'm a later in life mom and i've worked very hard all my life to get where i'm at but to me success meant being involved in my kids  schools reinvolved in the community having the flexibility to spend more time exercising and and being healthy and more time with my with my love my loved one and my my partner in life you know just being able to have that quality of life and to me that mindset change of that success was what drove me because i think we set up again our own boundaries of what what it means to be successful and and if you change the way you think about that then good things can happen that's such an important point and so often we have such high expectations for ourselves that we said and i think you know for for many years the debate of can women have it all has been raging on and and there's a lot of debate on you know well no you really can't have it all you have to give up something and you have to either focus on family or focus on your career and and i love your story as an example of how you really can have it all all and set your own parameters and you know it's like ok you don't have to set the bar so high that you have no life for yourself you really can set the bar in each area of your life and really balance things out into your work and your life to the point where at the point where you can you can do that and i also think myself especially and many other women we were very hard on ourselves we've had very high expectations and and we we we tend to think we need to do more than in reality we need to do to still be successful and i and that's been a lesson for me too that i bill at the same job and and you work from home but i work from home and i get to do a little bit of travel  it to make it fun but when i am on the p t a at my school son's school and i teach kids yoga and i you know i do things within my life that are so more is so fulfilling that i never thought i'd be able to do and  so you know it's a matter of figuring out what what you think not being as hard on yourself and feeling very good and confident about what it is you do do and and embracing that right right so where did you you mentioned that you didn't have a lot of support so where did you find your support and how did you deal with not having the support of your family or friends it was it was hard i mean you as a friend were very support full but there were lots of friends who who just could not understand how i could do this and at the same time they were the same people that said wow i wish i could do that you know there's a lot of people were  jealous to some extent and my certain parts of my family thought i was a little crazy you know what happens if i get out there and you know i just i'm not happy but but but that good energy because you do need it and i had enough people i didn't need everybody that i had enough that made it work for me and i always felt that my kids you know i just i always felt too that this was the right move for them  and that helped me without any doubts or anybody else that i knew that they be real happy really happy where where we were heading you know and so how have they adjusted to the move across the country my my kids are unbelievable i mean they're so be there or not as to deal with it but but you know they're very they have friends they they're very well adjusted they they're very balanced and they were still i'm still friends with my ex husband in the end he's involved in their lives working they're struggling to balance career and family things like that what advice would you have for them i think the advice i would have is really take stock of what it is that where you're stuck and really start thinking what where you want to be and just open up your mind to the possibilities of what you could have and not focus on the negative but focus on where they want to be whether if they are in a marriage that's just taking them to  different spots in their lives and there's no growth happening then where would they want to be after that if they're in a job that that that isn't fulfilling you know where do they want to be and start thinking about that but i truly believe that you need to follow your heart i'm not just for me with with steve my soulmate but also just your heart as far as what you love to do in life whether you it's your career or whether it's just your activities but follow your heart and don't think about it as much just follow what feels good in here and and i also i also feel very strongly that it's ok to make choices when you just want to be happy right that we should be able to make those choices men and women but especially women i think need to know that that making a choice whether it's supported or not by others it will make you happier and what's going to position in your life though you know you're you're you're you're leading the life of your dreams and go for it  and don't listen to the negative focus on the positive that's such an important point and that's something certainly that that i tell people in my coaching is that you really when you're trying to make changes you have to be very protective of your dreams and you really have to surround yourself as you said with positive people and really put some boundaries around the people who are supporting you and it may not be that there's not supporting you because they don't believe in you or anything it they're projecting their own fears in you what you're trying to do and so you really have to be careful and you know not let those people bring your dreams down and not let other people bring up your own fears and doubts in that you know really stay focused and and move forward and you know the key as as we both know is creating that vision of what you wind in being able to see it and feel it and stay focused on that yet and if you do things just fall into place i mean yeah that's where the specifics but just my whole last few months when i was leaving boston and moving to california just things happened that made that move easier for me and it just it just it continues you know i had always wanted to  dreams and not listening to any criticisms or critique right and i love the fact that you've continued to follow your dreams it's like you continue to to dream a new dream and pursue that and particularly with the teaching kids yoga that's wonderful i was about where that dream came from and i just you know i just decided that my you know what was next what was what would be the next perfect thing for me and i do have a wonderful job but it and i'm very happy with it but i needed more i needed to kind of feed my soul a little bit more and i need to get more involved would would do that and where would i need to take it and and i was nervous i thought i can't i can't do this but i just took some classes and next thing i knew i was creating my own website my own facebook page my own business  so i'm teaching kids yoga and i'm also looking to expand upon that in taking some classes that will also help me become more of a healthy kids advisor and who knows w where but i'm looking to add more of that into my life and get more even more flexibility and fulfillment out of what i do right every day and just seeing where just the work goes that's wonderful and it's really helped to make  first move because that was a really big one so now i feel confident that there's more to come yeah well tell us what your next dream is my next arena i think my next dream is to be much more independent with with with my i guess career my personal professional career i work for a company my next dream is to be more independent and to do more consulting do more teaching both of yoga or also i also do some teaching in marketing but teaching and becoming actually a speaker in the community around children's health and as i said i'm taking a course that will give me a bit more background into just  holistic healing and holistic health care so combining that and creating a life for myself where i'm more in control of what i do every day i can say no to a project or yes depending on where that goes and just continuing to be a part of my kids you will be able to continue to create the life of your dreams and really have it all in your own terms you yeah i'm excited it's it's a journey but if you don't take that first step you don't go anywhere salute lee all thank you so much for coming and sharing your story with you i know it's going to inspire a lot of people so thank you i hope andrea's story has inspired you to follow your heart and begin taking steps to make your dreams come true whatever your dream may be you can make it happen by taking action one step at a time as you do this the next steps will be begin to show up and if you'd like more information on steps you can take to dare to dream check out my website at susie's by the dot com if you are someone you know has realized a dream and would be willing to share your story please let us know you can contact me at su spiny dot com or call the belmont media center at six one seven four eight four two four four three thanks for joining us and i'll see you next time on daring to dream