right jim i didn't hear you coming and that's because i came in on  r you alice this is no good that we're losing our kids because i don't the man has come to live with us but he's my father he's an old man it's all right  make any noise it isn't all right i want you to make noise what's growing up without making noise i'm left this is a house for our children not for i don't make him please not so loud he can't stand it when it's loud and he can't stand the old age is memories enclosed in four walls but today has little nourishment and meager appetite age is sitting on a bench and watching life starting by old age is a lonely meal behind a plate glass window a window that looked out upon a busy world that somehow never took old age into its reckoning made the steps to stee and it separates usefulness from old age by the hard sharp line of a single day two basic needs that time puts upon us something to do and a place to live are lucky through the continuing of their life's work they cross the line into old age with scarcely an interruption for them the thread of life continues unbroken to its am but the the fortunate most by far passed over the threshold into old age into a new world of which they are only dimly aware uncertain and unprepared they're confronted as though for the first time by life's demands what will you do here where we live how will you spend your days imperative questions demanding answers and the answers are hard to come by but there may be within the community those with training and experience who can point the way so we thought we'd ask you this question must come up in lots of families so maybe you can help us but remember i'm not here is a judge i can tell you what our experience has been what some of the solutions are but then you have to make up your own mind all right but there's something i must know what's best for my children and my husband and what's best for my father what's best for my father is a question repeated a thousand times over in many rooms like this by many people sons and daughters who would be good children and would be good parents and who can find no single time to travel where they can be  what's best for my father what are the needs of a proud human being who comes to live in his children's home disarranging the orderly in the stablished pattern of family life what about a room privacy a place to live when there is no room to spare what about food the preparation required by a special diet when appetites weighed on the needs of the ag what about special care with nursing which you can't afford to pay for and time you can't afford to give except at the expense of home and family but about communication between the young and the old they live together but have no common language for no effort has been made to bridge the chasm between the world of the aged and the world of the young brother is this distance wide when there is no work no responsibilities no reason for life for a human being whose years have been filled with work and responsibility what can be done for this man where can he find the answer to his needs i wish there was some simple answer i can give you there isn't people don't come in category least of all old people have you talked about this with you we haven't talked about it too much since mother died he hadn't been to well we haven't talked about it with him at all well  in a world where so much is being done is have nothing to do and even television needs to be share to those he loves is the problem and for both there is guilt as well as pain right now he is not well he he needs help that's what i that's p up the whole works you need something we can't afford to give him it's just not fair to your to the children or to dad what else can we do but sometimes given time and good will these situations can be worked out within the family when they can't the old person is just as on happy about it as his children in your case your father's illness may make living with you on the rise for everybody that is it's going to cause too much i have a younger sister but key couldn't her husband's in the navy a career man any others maybe you have some cousins who might why should they need you could contribute to the expenses of the household sometimes  there's one thing we've been shying away from and i think we ought to bring it out in the us i can stand i was honey this is something we have to say you know but maybe it isn't as bad as you think you are talking about a place beyond father to live i'm talking about our ho like living in one's own home in most cases an enlightened community can provide the kind of housing that enables them to live independently but it's true that some older people need the protected environment and train care that a home for the aged here they are can start a new and satisfying life and even establish healthier relations with their children there are some very good homes that could provide a happy solution feel for them in your family he might be the first to agree these homes within our means oh yes their average income home of course now days that means social security pension funds insurance and also some community support but there a very few good homes and they all have long waiting lists for some starch them thank you ever be enough to go around public indifference for one thing far too many people still seem unaware of the fact that there is such a thing as old age community attitudes for another attitudes of people like you mrs allen who shrink from what is probably the best solution for some older people those who for one reason or another need help  of place could be a place that could make the difference between these eyes and these between proximity and companionship between useless withering hand in the hands that are both you school and need to put magic places this that can take the wound and stated fabric of a life and we what kind of place could it be here within the confines of this pleasant well appearing house are the ingredients that impart to those who live here a sense of pride in where they live and to its location close to a good community and neighbors them to come and go as they please with easy communication among friends ample drawers space and the pleasure of a good bed there are single rooms for those to whom privacy equates with personal dignity and double rooms for married couples or where two in a room is desirable they are at home here living out their lives together with the special types of care they need for their physical well being themselves and  old age may be memories enclosed in four walls or it may be a zest for living this day with eyes fixed eagerly and confidently on all the days that li place little things too are important things like easy access to the telephone unsupervised use of their own spending and the assurance that ma is received and forwarded on the open they boast of the spirit and ease the hour by hour round of everyday living how comforting to know that special diet problems are in good hands and that one is relieved of the worry and planning in preparation for  t eating is no longer a lonely hour but a time of pleasant association dining with friends and compa but there are skills and facilities here to care for the infirmities that ages a lot of that ninety year old arms are still worth fussing over with a friendly and competent person interested and happy to do the job there are dozens of small apes for slowing steps for sagging strength that say more tellingly the words you are important to  is a world for the old as well as for the young here in the living room one can proudly welcome one's family gone other feelings of guilt and pain because of dependence and lack of self relian now there's pride in one's children and grandchildren there's respect and love emerging from a new and better relations with age to come increasing needs of the spirit so within this home there is a place for prayer and meditation so do we begin to answer the needs that time  place to live and something to do nothing so burdensome that it puts unfair demands on the sometimes limited capacities of age but rather a chance to work in a group and enjoy the companionship that comes from working living together useful absorbing occupation that is carried on at one's own pace creative things useful things to keep mentors no less engrossing at eighty than it is at eight in such a place recreation is a part of life not merely a substitute for it as it is so often among older people playtime assumes its normal patterns across a chess board on a card table  or over a player's shoulder in such a place as this there is trained and integrated personnel professions and skill and experience staff or consultant each with but one overriding concern the well being of each resident in the home and to those residents here is both evidence and assurance that old age can be a valued period of life rich in its possibilities worthy of society's best care protection plan the grounds of the home are almost beyond the brazing so essential are they to one's peace of mind the sense of a bond with the living world even to walk out on your own grounds for an hour of sun is the difference between being a part of life important to is that within this thriving community of old people they have often a governing body of their own elected representatives truly a body of elder statesmen and stateswomen proud of their position worthy of their responsibilities so does the face of age reflect the world we make for so can we see in their eyes the love and security the occupation and companionship but to be found in a home like this there are many old people here varied in the needs different from one another as all people are different some are golden years only some are failing in mind and body but it may be that here in the course of years are you and it takes ingredients of many kinds to make a home for us all it takes the kind of planning and preparation that is possible only in a community that's conditioned to it and whose old people are conditioned to accept it when the need arises you don't acquire that kind of conditioning overnight just because the calendar says you're great sixty five or some other arbitrary age you have to start working on it many years before yes i can see that in other words dad should have thought about this conduct something about it when he was our age that's right he should and now may i ask you a question what are you doing about it what are we doing about it how can we prepare for all our years for our children there's the assurance of a good start up a score of years of happy constructive you all given them by a society well aware of the importance of such a beginning but there is movement there is another need there is the promise of the rich improve food all day the knowledge that the last twenty years the gift of modern medicine and science need not be spent alone unwanted indeed the span of life is poorly built if it does not soundly reach to the far s