hello everyone and welcome to mental health matters today we're gonna talk about major clinical depression and for my guest i have stephen byrne a little  millions of kids and p t s d veterans that are coming back from iraq and afghanistan and they have major depression what i want to you is talk about the symptoms major clinical depression and why don't why don't you go and talk about what has happened to you ok for myself well first there are many types of forms of depression  myself i have severe depression that has got iconically for thirty thirty five years now and i've had many treatments and i've had possible responses to some treatments but never a full remission and i said times there are a lot there for me that the high would describe my depression as pain severe pain and it's hard to like you could i could list like each symptom and it doesn't do it justice just talking about it you can see me and think this guy's fine there's no problem but inside you know a lot of t d fake you know that i'm ok on the outside world but inside it's it can be torture and i wouldn't worry wish it on my worst enemy actually but the pain so worse than what it really is it seems it's hard to function for me to motivate myself to do stuff to feel like interest pleasure it takes away put my ability to with you know why can't you just pick yourself up by your bootstraps or and no kind of thing and this move ahead and i would like i said to my good girlfriend or the other day actually i would like just like for how bad it can be and how devastating i've had periods of feeling suicidal thinking about that and feeling hopeless that  it's just not worth continuing that i keep trying to find treatments that will be effective and it gets discouraging when you try a treatment and it doesn't work out here and feel like what's next and what am i  do and i'm stuck with this still this problem and i'm trying to solve it and i do a lot of research online trying to figure out what's available for me and another thing with depression from for me a lot of people who suffer through this with their illness and they don't have any support at all and  no money exactly yeah try to be grateful for what i do have but it's still it's still difficult when i'm in the the abyss that could go on so ok so you've had this for thirty years i mean you must have been mentioning to me that you know you look like you're depressed and i didn't know what he meant i didn't really understand what he was talking about at that time and i was a quiet kid i didn't cause any trouble in school i was just quiet i miss a lot of school because i was depressed i didn't do well because of the depression and looking back on it now and it wasn't till my early twenty's that went into very severe depression fires treatment and health i mean they are researching and doing a lot more things than they did thirty years ago but thirty years ago that i think the state hospitals w still open and still going strong as far as putting in anybody they put people with epilepsy they would pregnant teenagers in the mental hospitals because the parents didn't know what to do with them but the mental hospitals have all closed most of them anyways maybe a couple are still and so that leaves a lot of people who are you are one of the lucky ones who really are and there are so many people on the street and so many people with schizophrenia and bipolar and major depression living under had and to choose put yourself in treatment did you have any support from your family i was very lucky with that in terms of support for my family my two sisters also are affected my mother too has a low grade depression and other members of my family my uncle had was a disabled veteran and had psychotic illness my sisters struggle with depression forms of depression anxiety but different levels one sister doing pretty well as a nurse and another one as she is still struggling pretty bad so have a hard time finding the right treatments even though she saw a lot of medications and stuff so symptomatic but my family's been very supportive and loving and hasn't you know as many as other families might or have you know turn their back on someone with a dollar us and their family fortune in that way i actually it was a period where i lost so i was very sick and i lost my job i was working full time and i got very depressed and when the have been homeless right in now that i would have been on the street so i'm very fortunate among among them see me which is great yeah yeah it seems like depression kind of runs in your family so you know in that respect you might say it's genetic which is quite possible because that they're trying to figure out exactly what it with the gene is that sandra and  let's talk about the the medications that you've been on and that you know my sure while i've been on many many medications over the years over the thirty year period i've been on tried to help me with my depression and unfortunately i've never had a full remission of symptoms from the medications and reading about it it seems to be the one third factor with these medications a depressants that one third of the people will respond fully to antidepressant medication to get well one third will have a partial response where they'll have some improvement but still have symptoms and one third will not have any response at all to the medications so those shows that show you that there is a need there great need for more and better treatments for depression that it's just not the end with what we have now and the science just hasn't caught up yet to what we're dealing with there is i been doing more research seeing what's available to help myself antidepressants now usually the time that time is needed to see if they will take effect or and so so those two drugs they actually have trials going on a mass general and i was thinking about trying one of the trials or maybe the ketamine infusions but the pharmaceutical car companies seem to from what i read have been kind of stimulation and part of the brain that they feel affects mood and they put the magnet close to your brain your head and it's how's the intensity of an m r i the  pauses and the you will sit in a chair for close to an hour each treatment it's pretty intensive in terms of you have to do five days a week for six week period so it's quite a commitment and i did that unfortunately for me it wasn't effective but i've heard from others and i've heard what i've read that it can be helpful for people who have responded to medications right  c t electroconvulsive therapy i did that many years ago i was in the severe depression and that was not a dramatic response either unfortunately for myself but i know that there are people who swear by it have changed protocols for the have refined it whereas ten years ago it was maybe a little different doing so he was saying and they may look at my chart from back then and see maybe two and maybe it different way of doing one flew over the cuckoo's nest and people freak out about that but it is very very safe and you go on in a seizure you don't feel anything in your wake up you're fine you do need a ride home afterwards you're a little groggy and stuff you're not supposed to drive so you need someone to be there to to take you home but from what i read and some people that i know that have had it they feel that it's been a lifesaver for them this sort of depression  has helped people with major depression so so there's always there's always hope and i i just like to communicate the the idea of continuing research in the in this that we needed that  it's not you know dealing with mental illness is it's hasn't come to the place where we have a cure yet you are managing symptoms without medications and treatments but better treatments are needed  of those people were suffering from severe depression and depression does do that for like i said i've had suicidal ideation and at the lowest points and  scary it feels good because it feels like there's no hope when you're so really depressed it feels like you're all alone with a hood and you're in severe pain and i don't know how to communicate that pain to someone other than that's it's torture it's internal torture and you just a person is suffering and they want don't want to die i believe but i feel like for me i don't want to die but i don't want to live it's excruciating pain right right to people with borderline personality disorder i are in severe pain and they cut themselves and that isn't for attention i've been in the prisons talking to the group recruit and they have a lot of prisoners that cut themselves and they were saying you know that's strictly for attention well you know well probably a lot of these men have borderline personality disorder it has anger and rage and all that going along with it so they have the pain and they want to get it out so they figure to cut themselves is letting it out they don't need they don't realize that the cut itself is causing pain it's just letting it out but i can understand where you com from as far as depression is concerned and what you've done is you've you've explained it so beautifully chris you tell me a little bit about stigma can i can hide it and but i do wonder when people know that i have mental illness what they what i wonder what they really think and what their route their real feelings are about it  but again i've never had anyone i don't i've been fortunate i guess i haven't had any obstacles in terms of like getting fired or from a job for having it or  then that i think that scares people when they see someone walk in the street and they're talking to ourselves or they're agitated or they're you know i think that scares people in that the stigma gets put on a person you know so i can kind of like i can i for so feel outside i'll side of the world and i still feel like i'm an outsider but i feel like i can blend in and least you know that that means anything but i can kind  for about an hour here and i love you it's not that i i think anything of depression is as i mean that's an inward thing and i think you're fantastic i really do and i as i said it will be known you for an hour or so and as far as your hiding if feelings you do marvelous that anybody knowing you you know would not realize that that you've got all this turmoil going on inside you and you wish it would just go away and as you were talking there as you were talking about these new drugs that are but luckily we can't on a magic pill that's what i call it a magic pill that brought it back to me before that no  sister with bipolar so people should read that but as far as major clinical depression there are millions of people that feel like you do and and it is an illness and it is torture for you and it is i wish i could take it away but you know all i can do is talk about it all i can do is raise awareness of what you are going through different treatments and and keep looking into seeing with so what's available and what what options there are and like you said mental illness it's an illness it's you know no one wants to have it i don't know are everybody wants to be well everybody wants has the same hopes and desires and dreams and unfortunately menthol this is an obstacle to a lot of dreams for feeling dreams and