david the bruce this is the creative good and we've been looking at the meat to campaign wow it's really powerful and this is our six in that series our six show two women are really interesting because number one they are not actresses in hollywood number two they're just regular kind of gals one of them marina you know as a young girl had a curiosity about her body that she was coming of age and she says let me quote this what started  curiosity about the body led to a very dangerous situation she was with her cousin almost and the gang rape is amazing story but this kind of stuff goes on all the time curiosity does not equal consent is her point and i totally agree with the other one xan or should say shannon bodhi talks about her photo nude photo shoot and how that put her in a situation that well made rather rough on her you know just because you do something like that it's not consent for sexual attack or harassment it just isn't sometimes women do find themselves in compromising situations but compromise is not consent and just another reason why we should think kindly of people and also i think this sort of address of the problem why some women don't speak up immediately or why they don't speak up at all they feel a little guilty when they shouldn't at all they feel guilty because maybe because of their situation or the curiosity or even because it was a date you  know the reasons are many a lot of times people pass off by saying well i was on a date or well you know she agreed to be in that situation or she was talking about something or they'll say oh well if it's true why the and she speak up at the time why didn't she say something to someone why didn't she call the police it's been such a long time so obviously it can't be true i've heard that so many times well i think this this this episode will will bring some enlightenment to that anyways i'm gay but the bruce let's get started see at the end i wanted to share my story with you today to say me too me too you guys it's marina vico goddess today is going to be a video about my sexual abuse story and it's not going to be a recipe video or something sustainability of that matter and i've wanted to make this video for a long time but i didn't feel ready and when i saw the facebook thread of me two of women speaking out of their stories of sexual assault and sexual abuse i felt very called to make this video because it's incredibly important for us women to come together and men for that matter why men and men to come together and share our stories and spread awareness about this because it's something that happens way too much i was sexually abused as a child and it was someone in my family the pain and trauma of the occurrence didn't come out and till i had a boyfriend for three years when we started to be sexually active i would have these memories come up in these uncomfortable feelings and i knew that it was because of my childhood as i thought about it order to ask myself why i felt so insecure sexually and i didn't know how to communicate that to him because i felt honestly embarrassed and ashamed and i told him i was just bawling my eyes out and he was crying with me too he was such a good listener if you're watching this david thank you so much thank you for everything you know what that means and then i had the confidence to tell my mom and i remember sitting on my mom's lap like a kid again and i was just bawling and i pretty much told her everything so as a child my cousin and i we would just do random things like touch each other and it's pretty common actually among cousins to experiment with each other and be curious with each other and i am not going to say that i wasn't curious because for a while i was like any kid and i'm human i'm not ashamed to admit that there was one year every single year my family and i we would have a family reunion and we would meet at whether it be the cottage or in connecticut typically and there was one year where my cousin had  of his friends and he basically told me that they were all going to do stuff to me and it was in the moment where suddenly i felt like i woke up that i knew it wasn't ok and that i knew i had not been communicating my boundaries and that it was not mutual and i didn't know who to tell i didn't know where to go to and i felt ashamed i felt ashamed of my curiosity that started office in the city curiosity as a kid that turned into something else and i really did feel ashamed i felt like it was my fault that i didn't communicate sooner that that wasn't ok and looking back on it i feel like i did communicate it but it still went on that day at the cottage where my cousin had said that there are multiple people involved almost like a gang r gang rape situation and i went to my aunt and i went to her and i said hey this is been happening since childhood and it's been going on way too long and today i am in danger i am in danger because of this and i basically explained to her what would have happened and she just looked shocked like she looked like she was on the verge of tears so i think she was trying to stay strong as an adult and i just told her you have to stop it and you can't tell anyone in the family arles you'll break up the family and so she kept her word and she didn't tell anyone and she went to my cousin and she basically laid down the wall and told him that if he laid a finger on me that there would be help to pay and that day i was safe and nothing happened to me and today is that on spurs pa and a call to this morning and i wished her happy birthday and told her how much i loved her and i didn't want to bring up this story because i was like why would so birthday but i couldn't help it and i just i had to think i had to think or for saving me that day and so i did and if you're watching this video thank you thank you for everything so that was the last year that anything happened to me sexual abuse wise but i also wanted to touch on the fact that i multicultural and my dad is from pakistan and i've mentioned this before i come from a culturally that is fairly rigid and it's beautiful in its ways i'm not going to bash my culture but there are certain inequalities that women have in this culture and i just wasn't dealt i guess i was realizing recently that i wasn't dealt the easy use hand when it comes to sexuality and female empowerment and i was always insecure about my body i always i never wanted any skin to show because that wasn't allowed and the female body to me like skin always was sexualized in my mind because that's at least what i was taught in my culture is to not reveal anything on your body because it's not seen as culturally right trip actually changed my life and it's it's made me who i am today and so i appreciate being multicultural i appreciate my dad and his culture so much of but i think it's important for us women to speak out and to be who we really are and to come into our confidence because i am still coming into my confidence i am very insecure with certain things and it's hard for me to admit that because i feel like i want to be strong and i want to set a good example for all women and especially my my female cousins but there are certain things i still am working on i still need to work on and i think my history of sexual abuse and culture that i was given with all of these different ideologies of i have to cover my body maybe don't have as strong of a say at the table i can't make eye contact with men because that will give them a signal that i'm interested in them and that they should come over to me all of these different likes a clone of ideas like toxic ideas and my mind have shaped me into the person that i am today and i forgive the person my cousin i really do with all of my heart i forgive him i'm not stuck in the past anymore i have shared my story enough to where i can talk about it in my case and my situation and not saying this is for everyone but in my case a lot of closure came within myself and forgiving myself and a good knowledge of that i was curious but there is a line that we have to draw between the curiosity and abuse between consent and not consent there's a huge line that we have to cross and i am very passionate about educating people about that and i have our in women and men to speak up if you are uncomfortable in a situation please speak up please believe in yourself because no one else is going to speak up for you especially in intimate moments typically there are a ton of people involved maybe you're into that stuff not judging but typically it's just you and another person and sometimes people aren't good at reading body language sometimes people aren't that into your emotions into how you're feeling and so it is your job you i'm talking to you it is your job to communicate how you feel what you feel comfortable with and so i want to share my story with you today to say me too me too you are not alone don't ever feel like you are alone and you are strong and you are worthy and you deserve to happy you deserve to communicate your truth me too i was nineteen years old and i just returned back from a track and field scholarship in baltimore and returned to toronto canada now for majority of my life i envision myself as an athlete i saw myself going to the olympics and so when i got back i was like what now and who am i what do i do what is my life look like and so because i was in a decent shape from all those years of running and stuff i was like why not try my hand of acting so i enrolled in an acting class and i really enjoyed it and something cool happened instructor came up to me afterwards one day after class and was like i also have an agency and i think that you could do something cool i'd like to sign you in my roster i just felt very very vindicated very chosen just felt like wow like finally you know i spend so long being mediocre in track and here i was trying something new and for the first time i was selected as being special or exceptional and so that just felt very affirming to me the first thing she told me to do was go to a head shop photographer and she was like i want you to go to the best in town yes they're expensive yes they have a long time before you can book with them but it's going to be worth it so i was ok so i got on my little pennies together i saved and i went to this head shop to talk over and so when i arrived at their studio there was a female makeup artist and a female assistant and the environment which is really cool and fun i remember feeling it being very light i actually thought the photographer was gay so we got to play around the largest felt like a really good time i enjoyed myself everyone feel like they really liked the picture and they had a photographer afterwards was like hey this was a really good shoot you do really well on camera i'd like to do a creative session with you and of course i said yes i'm new i'm young i'm trying something different and here comes this big time photographer who is like i think that you've got something special and i'll give it to you for free which let's not forget the fact the session was very pricey for me at the time so i got really excited and he's like come back next weekend so i came back the following weekend and when i arrived there was no female assistant there was no female makeup artist it was just me and the photographer so i'm going through my wardrobe that i brought in and he was like these are ok but do you some photos that i had with a shirt on and in jeans then he was like what about if you just took that shirt off just like you in your bra and more of an athletic picture or you know you're really great shape let's get that shot so we take some photos just a bra and then he was like what if we just did your pants it will be like calvin klein kind of like you know an athletic wear shot like an action shot nothing sexual just like just take your pants down a bit so i took that shot and i'm starting to get a very different vibe from the photographer this time around my eyebrows start to raise my eyes start welling up i'm starting to feel very trapped and uncomfortable the photography session just kept progressing long story short i ended up taking photos topless i ended up taking photos with no bottoms on just from behind he had instructed me in one picture when i was in my bra and underwear he took some pictures of from above with me and then he was like put your hand on your torso which i did and then he said well just move your fingers down a little lower just put a little bit underneath your underwear and so and of taking these pictures with my hands in my underwear and it just it was an uncomfortable was very disappointing experience i don't really know how to explain the mix of emotions that i felt i do know that at one point in the session i had said to him like i don't know what these photos are for i don't feel comfortable with  like ok well we won't do any more thank you he's like ok we won't do any more topless photos then we're just going to do some from behind just your but what's a big deal and i remember feeling like ok it's at least i can do that was my genuine reaction in that moment of like what can i give this person that's going to allow me not to give the most of myself but still give them something because i feel guilty eyes feel like i let them down or i missed manage expectations or i must have gave off the wrong impression to the least i c was this for this person rather than just collecting my shit and getting out of there i didn't and i left feeling dirty i left feeling like shit i just felt small and pathetic and i felt like i wasn't ready for this industry and it was just meant not a pleasant not a pleasant time so i remember waiting for the photos to come back and how it worked back in those times is that you would get all of these print out like these tiny proofs of your photos and then you would have to order larger ones if you wanted them so i waited and then i finally got the call from an assistant to come in to pick up these proofs i picked them up and i remember it was a snowy day and i got outside and i ripped open the package and i looked at them and i just burst into tears i just didn't know i don't know what i was looking at these photos and looking into the eyes of someone i didn't recognize and somebody who definitely looked uncomfortable somebody who looks scared who didn't look like themselves who had tears in their eyes the entire time and i just felt angry at the photographer for persisting i felt angry at myself for not resisting and i just felt ashamed i didn't want to think about it anymore i literally cut because again it was a context sheet i cut out the photos that made me uncomfortable and i just shredded them up and so i had this like mix match of some that weren't that bad the ones of me with just my bra and my jeans open as if those were fine ones that were like more of my face those were fine but any of the ones that were of me you know touching myself you know i mean any of i just i don't even i don't i don't keep them and i got rid of them that day because i would just be terrified if my parents came upon that and saw those and i just didn't want anyone to feel how i felt in saying think that in one my family need to feel like they have protected me or that worst i was too stupid and naive in an app to protect myself i didn't want the photographer to feel uncomfortable or i didn't want to upset him because of his position in the industry and so i did tell my agent she asked about all how did those creative should go because i'd told her the excitedly that i had gotten this creative extra shoot with this big time photographer and she was like how did it go and i was like they didn't they didn't go well at all it was really really uncomfortable and she said oh that's a shame that's too bad and that was it but that's probably how we all respond to each other when we hear about these stories in the industry we say it's a shame it's too bad and we do nothing about it i remember my best friend had wanted to do modeling and she did a photography shoot again like a photo shoot a test shoot with this photographer who was like a big time  in miami and something similar happened something worse texturally happened he said if you want to be a model you have to be able to pose naked so if you some nude shots and then she gradually did those and then he said well you actually have to know how to pose naked with a man on a lot of times on set you going to have to know how to do that and so he took off his clothes and took photos with her naked  anyways but when she told me the story i think my response probably was that's too bad that's a shame my response probably was something similar happened to me and neither one of us did anything about it so probably a few months after the experience i remember meeting somebody in the industry who said oh i was on this photographer's website i saw a photo of you i didn't know that you took those kind of photos and i just saw red i was like what i couldn't even fathom what shot it could have been what it was and i didn't even have the heart to go and look i just got to a computer and i emailed him and i said look these were not consensual these were not what i wanted i consented but it's not what i wanted which is a very confusing combination of things to put together but anybody who's been a position will understand what i'm saying i don't feel comfortable i felt pressured i felt manipulated i did not want these images out there please remove and destroy them and he wrote me back like whoa i had no idea you felt that way i'm sorry that you did feel that way i'll take the image down it's not a problem i just we know wish you would have said something at the witherspoon with their own stories from different people and then i also you know hear ryan gosling for example or ben affleck or these other male actors who are like i had no idea we all know we all knew but stop acting like we don't and i want to make this video because we have to acknowledge that this is real that this is many people's experience and stories and not just in this industry in many industries and if you are a person in power because it happens women in power do this to other women empower other men and other men sorry not in power but in vulnerable situations we have to know that if you are a person in power and there is somebody who is a subordinate to you who looks up to you or who is trying to find their way and you are a mentor or a guide or a gatekeeper to them you are not you should not put them in a position to have to choose between their self respect and their potential and any time that you make in a sexual advance on a person in that position that's what you're asking them to do they don't normally want to take their shirt off they don't normally want to come to your hotel room those experiences to you or nothing and to you you don't remember them and they're not a big deal but they sit with people for years and years and they change their perspective on their self on their position in this world and on their potential and i i know that you don't may not think of it that way i got into photography shortly after that experience because i was so sick and tired of seeing a male perspective a male voyeuristic view of women's beauty and at that time people didn't have selfies they didn't have their own camera so people needed to go to photographers to get a facebook photo or to get themselves a little my space photo and a lot of the times i saw pictures that i saw eyes that looked really familiar eyes like mine that were afraid and concerned and confused and unsure and knowing that something could have happened after the photo shoot i thought i want to be the person who allows women to create beauty on their own terms i want to be the person who allows if they want to do our photos i will facilitate that but if they don't i will never pressure them and that's why i felt compelled to get into photography years later when i started working as a sexual educator i was doing a documentary to travel to atlanta to talk about the sex scene there and how magic city in particular had influenced  women's perspective on their own sexuality and i met with this photographer who took sexy photos of women and we were having a candid conversation he was like look i'd be lying to you five said a lot of these photos didn't end up in sex and i just had a conversation with him about my experience what i had gone through what many had gone through and he was like what's different for me and i said it's not you know you might think that these are experiences that they won or that it's the mood or that you know it's normal it feels natural it doesn't it scars people it hurts them it makes them feel like less than what they are and the purpose of going to pursue your career pursue your passions is to be your highest elevated self and when you manipulate that light in people you cause damage that you just don't get to see afterwards because the cameras in the longer flashing and so i get someone who's video to say that to any individual to my young cousin who just started modeling who is seven sixteen years old this year she's born two thousand area sixteen who started modeling it's not normal you don't have to do to any photographer a person power producer actor or director anybody a boss a job if you find yourself in a position where it's manipulate someone into a sexual act and they seem willing they don't want to more than likely they don't want to you don't don't don't to anybody whom has never had either of these experiences happen to them please be an ally be an ally if you hear a friend of yours tell a story that doesn't sound quite right or totally consensual speak up and say something if you have a friend like i had a friend who went through an experience like that don't just say that's a shame offer to do something more look for solutions to get that person justice to have that individual who abuse their position of power brought in brought in you know to at least to put them on a watch list i think the thing when it comes to sexual assault or sexual crimes we always think about oh it's just sensitive area you can't do much less than two percent of sex acts of sexual abuse or sexual harassment are reported and the reason why is it's a very uncomfortable blame game that nobody really wants to be a part of but when you do report a case even if it doesn't go to trial even if you don't pursue any type of criminal charges against that person what you do is create a police record about individual and so the next person who comes forward now there's a case against them i know that seems like something small but it's something significant that i wish i did years later when i had a nonconsensual complete nonconsensual act and i knew that that person from their reputation had done this to set people and thought that it was normal and it was ok so i want you to encourage people who have experienced this to talk about it either publicly on social media or whatever wherever it is feels comfortable for you or of course best case scenario to a police official or to a therapist if need be talk about it it's not something that you have to experience alone don't try to save everybody else the feelings of discomfort at the cost of your own health your own mental health it's important that we share these stories it's important that we say me too so i need to bruce thank you for joining