we invited them back because we were so impressed with the work that they're doing with southeast asian women and because they are starting and course which we wanted to tell you a little bit about assertiveness and deal with anger and guilt these are issues that arise out of the domestic violence experience the emotional part of the domestic abuse experience it is based on a manual that was put to apartments where there is a large population of people who need this and then it's open to everybody we're not we're sort of starting to branch out into the whole community not li yeah now how do the women who come to groups find out about you so that is a very good question and we were founded about twenty years ago this is we're celebrating so he boston he said being twentieth anniversary and he was started with we require confidential confidentiality agreement to so that nothing that just in that group goes out and then we have them fill out forms about what their expectations are then we get into the topics and we do  about which topics were beneficial or not understanding self esteem what is self esteem how you perceive yourself and it's all to do about how you see yourself not the outside world so now this has been shattered by whatever you have been through  image and what has been negative and positive for them in their lives ok then i know your rights is this is not based on legal rights but the bill of rights published by  un you know when we have declaration of rights i will it's pretty much liberty equality and well you know all of those things there are about fifteen forget how many listed over there so this is a to our survivors who i have a right to my own moderate amount so you know really it takes a long time to get them to accept even the most basic right because of our cultural view of marriage and what do you need not what you need as a mother or a sister or whatever what you need is yourself then we have the system where there are you know these various roles that you fill in life but we treated over the years and how to combat that and gender stereotyping goes back to the seventy's before the women and things like that and how we progress or to have historical approach and then for our culture discussing you know the power and control method of domestic abuse there is also inequality we know and so we show them it shows those wheels to my mind a very effective because it's a visual you learn better from visuals so we share that emotions emotions are one of the most difficult and most shattered of all the issues in your life one little negative remark can you know do a lot of damage and indeed be and in all other marriages to just walking out of your front door and facing people they can say something that you know she finishes you for the day so how do you how do  cope with guilt learn to deal with it at the moment rather than having it cumulated because cumulative anger is bad for you and everybody always do the wrong thing when you're lying so things like illustrate this the difference between the two and then of course hopefully celebration and moving on in the questions and whatever so that like the last one is a conclusion of the course and evaluation and feedback from boundaries i think we can assess boundaries again that's to do with the boundaries in each relationship you're a mom you have you want to do something you want to come home and do something for yourself but you're  and you put yourself aside and then you have to cook dinner and there are things so the woman the person the the parent whether it be the father the mother is allowing that to happen how do you define  i think it works that are in human  the survivor puts themselves in one of the story characters saying ok if i was this person and if this person had a car to fight the abuse i should be able to do that so stories really helps them build that self esteem nice to also say that you know it kind of reflects the diversity of our organization both our social workers i'm a physician in training and we have people who are survivors themselves we have people who are moms who are you know real estate workers just people from all walks of life who come together to connect survivors to legal services and medical services so it's nice to see a diverse organization and i'm just very happy to be part of it and now you are working as a domestic domestic violence advocate yes and so you're working with both women and men yes yes part of the men's initiative and  we as rita was saying that we're trying not to limit ourselves only to the south asian community though that is an area that we specialize in and at the same time we don't want to limit ourselves only to female survivors certainly men can be  victims of domestic violence and you know to the extent that men perpetrate domestic violence we want to engage them so we believe that men are a part of the solution when it comes to domestic violence and and i'm a part nonviolence so certainly we've got a lot of positive support for men and women in the rural areas maybe not with my i think when we first started there was a very bad incident took place in effective but last five years i've seen many cases in fact yesterday night i was talking to a survivor who found us on online and see a d n a lived in milwaukee but she could not find anybody who can help us to see the stuff to say haley and there the needle family sees her as shame and they don't want to have anything to do do with it go to the in laws obviously don't want to help because they already you know the mother daughter in law relationship is such a difficult one they already have negative feelings and then the men come back here and change their addresses if they don't own homes which they usually don't this is happening more amongst the visiting phoenix so you know we discussed the whole thing so i got information for her about the chief of police in the county she was staying in and gave her a bunch of instructions or more to do because she didn't want to break the marriage most in the south asian women are totally against broken marriage no matter how bad or he'll come back to me so she took her six month old child well and she couldn't  because they said the police said that your name is not on the lease your child's name is not on the she had passports the child is american born passport and a green card but nothing else he took her social security and she's a she said i'm calm she has a master's degree right and he said you know you should get she says what about getting financial help you know so child support this is where you have speak to the indian culture like you were talking about that incident in india regarding the bus and in new delhi about the response to the incident and how you know the indian american community here is dealing with domestic violence  you know as i said we are the you know the culture of peace and nonviolence and even though we do have some instances of violence we the way in which we address it kind of speaks to the indian culture and you know i'd like to again sally i think you might have already said it mean sister and not really but to me but one of the things i was so impressed is that how organized you work and how we don't have i mean we have a lot of we have a lot of services available but they seem like they're not as focused as yours so i'm excited that you're willing to offer help to so that is a market cannot be used anywhere except to help women wonder and we have you know small emergency funding situations where somebody is in dire need of christmas is coming when you want to give gifts and of yeah and then one of the ones which we don't usually do but because she was in a bad situation and this is trance state to ban the mill she went to virginia and the legal battle was going on here and she had three children so she had to pay a down event coming up at the state house on march third we have eighteen parenting seminar on march thirteenth and a mainly day on march twentieth and a workshop on domestic violence at boston university in april so again as i said you know if you want to find out more information you can go to so here we boston dot org wonderful thank you so much and stacy has volunteered to harness the loop doesn't have a web site that we have been helping have to put up some maybe we will to love trying to be at work it across the state so they could be in south could be not and all that and we have monthly conference calls so we can update each other about all of our clients and get a prevent from each other so it's a great organization