same as a literary organization and we create opportunities for understanding learning and building relationships through sharing each other's stories we like to think our sponsors this activity is made possible by the lowertown future fund of the st paul foundation and from st paul neighborhood network st paul airs our shows through the month on their cable access channel we don't so like to give a big shout out to the black cafe for having us here tonight tonight's show is your introduction to the new minnesota youth poetry slam team hosted by the amazing tish jones and her arts organization true art speaks to choose a spoken word artist writer educator organizer and activist in the twin cities she's worked as a teaching artist with pillsbury house theater intermedia art culture club and many other arts organizations she received the artist of the year award by city pages in two thousand and nine and was female spoken word artist of the year in two thousand and nine at the minnesota spoken word association urban grio awards please welcome the beautiful day extraordinary a lovely introduction can really thank you so much can you give it up for kimberly nightingale please if you don't know kimberly holds it down my name is to stone i will be your host for the evening everything you heard about me is false and true i've done those things it's great it's really great to be here though i think this is the best thing that i've done with my time in a long time we are here tonight celebrating the new minnesota youth poetry slam team they are six young individuals plus two alternates who are going to be representing this wonderful state at the international brave new voices youth poetry slam festival this summer in chicago that's a big deal right so just some background on bing the voice is a brave new voice is in his sixteenth year it's like i said international over five hundred young people from all around the world compete in this poetry slam festival so every year over five hundred young people poetry write they come together to do something positive from leeds from china dad from graham from minneapolis from chicago from florida this is this unifying thing that is self expression right and youth voice all of the youth who participate in this event are between the ages of thirteen to nineteen right and so we're really big up in youth voice poetry and hip hop in this community what i should also tell you about our team specifically is that these young people went through a somewhat grueling process right they went through three poetry slams here in the twin cities preliminary round the semifinal round and the final round which folks like you our community came and supported them at heart of the beast theater it was packed if it was sold out and we selected these fine young artists all right that's all the all the funny stuff right that's the stuff you have to say and then you get into the wonderful young people who are about to perform you know a quiet too quiet i don't like that i'm a hip hop head so like i don't want to be a period like talking at you like   the first poet that we're inviting to the stage he is an emcee he is a producer a composer a musician a patchwork henry high school student a phenomenal talent and one of the sixth young i was pronounced dead at birth i was not meant to be here i am the result of drunk sex and broken condoms i am the result of tears on my face when he hits you saying pull your pants down i and the results of real love or fake love i and the result of all rape victim but just because i was so in a bad seed that i mean i have to grow up to be a bad flower well normally took twenty minutes w a couple hours in the shower and any time she thinks sex the taste in her mouth become sour she had it he wanted it and they were both fighting for the same thing but that's only because according to the media was between her legs is considered men don't go there with her if you think if she ate it five months ago you put it in think of it and she and five months later when she felt the first kick my shifted your heart was the opposite a lifted and now you wish man i should have wrapped it up like christmas and that night when he got drunk picked up a condom from the street hit you told you to pull your pants down you cried your parents are at your feet and you didn't fight you just fell down to the battle in the feet and you don't want to lose him but you don't want to get beat girl please they say no pain no gain but to be insanity you don't got to be insane she said i was looking for love and i thought i found it but how do i stand my ground when the people around the trying to bury me under it and nine months later she gave birth to me i was not meant to be here i was pronounced dead at birth and this poem was the beginning of me living life from a so this next one is called venting i just need a vent because we're not told them there's an issue with our youth they were plot where's the proof i say look at all you everything that they do that confused and you know there's something wrong when you have the question was true  here and night after night you will fight for whatever but that having a clue but i have the only one that's sick of watching my brothers and sisters doctor of all red white or blue so the question becomes how many like peter pan without wings we can learn how to fly but that's only if we as a community come together in unity and recognize that realize realize realize and it's hard because we live in a day and age where everybody wants to make money like uncle sam everybody wants to go hard like sam i am when instead we should be in church on our knees saying amen but the issue we ain't got no support nobody believed in us who are we supposed to trust lust is supposed to be for the trust love is supposed to be for us but the love was gone and we felt wrong we were supposed to be strong but we felt weak and the matter where we went no matter where we would go they would say the color your skin is black you're a criminal i don't want you in my house and his last one is called captivated mind what has the world come so we can even be real be real i will i will love what has the world com so we can even be real be real well i will love we try to make it to the next day and we barely do but i'm talking about them young in their lives loved by the media we missed the wreck the future they're confused about we should be so we're seeing all this loose dirt livin all on the down low i'm being all them other kids and your heart broken by your boss and i don't know where my mother is is that why  shine you see i love mankind but it's the people that can't stand the materials that we want in life we most likely can't have and america than did it all do you know what wrong is and you're falling down for your beliefs did you forget what being strong  haste and we'll get ahead wrong turn in your hopes they're never regret your truth but you regret and everything you said why though break bread and you've murdered hate right in some you know one thing that is first or last american dignity so what has the world come to where we can even be real i will i will student at fair school downtown a minneapolis boy multi disciplinary artist who specializes in cooking drawing and poetry please give it's crazy how our memories are engraved into our skulls our life is a written piece dying to be read on the inside of our head as presented scars written in cursive on how he had tied her dispersed hate through i'm a body emotions spilling out of her mind ten years young cartoons and coloring books are the only relation to the real world smiles more eternal in the color of her lips didn't whisper kiss me the color of her lips screamed kool aid and reeked of bubblicious bubble gum and pink starbucks because all the other colors just aren't as good she remembers the exact moment her life changed ten years young cartoons and coloring books were the only relation to the real world and the pigment of her lips didn't whisper kiss me he touched her fries one for running anymore her ex  checkmarks replaced all the empty spaces how could a touch feel good after a touch of her and when he kissed her even through the sticky tape she could taste a bit of last bubble is just bubble gum and  taste like bitter lust only ten years young mothers and fathers didn't yet have imperfections but can families mourn as broken as they seem she was being touched and no one was there to hear a screams and when he took a shot bullet grazed her skull leaving behind a trail of blood to show that water isn't the only liquid that drips into the crevices of our sacred body but memories can be physically engraved into us girls and that have thoughts don't matter nor are smiles eternal mobilizations bubble gum and pink starburst don't taste good anymore and kisses can be sweet but they can be bitter too it's crazy how our memories are engraved into our skulls how our life is a piece dying to be read on the inside of our head as presented scars written in cursive on how he had tied me this next one is a number poem you can figure out why it's called a number problem but here we go one i've been banging my while oh god you one i've been banging my head on the wall for an hour now i don't know what it is about love but i can't get it out of my head and no matter how hard i bang my claim against the hardened peak playing concealed passage f while separating me from the world in my fights even more i can't get love out of my mind to i try not to love boys so i hope you don't think i'm talking about that i've been deprived of kisses but not the ones that tickle my senses and release loads of crime ones the ones that make me feel beautiful the ones with itchy stubble surrounding the ones that leave thick red imprints of poison glossy raincoats on the first day of screen school three that's right i don't think i'm beautiful  there's a dead tiger lily in my mirror and i don't know if someone put it there off it's been trapped with zero oxygen for it's confidence even away it didn't bloom for i know that everyone's confused five i have to wake up early five days of the week thinking about how no one loves me have to go to sleep for two of them doing stuff that shows that i'm on one of the six i know what's attempted but i will never confuse love with toleration i will never confuse it with sex drugs but they presence family dinners or even the simple three syllables i love you seven there's seven days of every week to prove to me that you love me there's fifty two weeks in the year and nine hundred thirty six weeks from the day i'm born till i'm eighteen then i'm gone eight i'm confused on where your priorities lie mom and i'm no matter how much you speak those words your law is love that man more and dad i wonder why it took you so long to figure out that i need you in my life so no matter what a pity you've had i've missed lived most of it thinking that you didn't me nine i don't think i'm beautiful and the guys never talk to me with sincere in his voice and i don't know what it is about love apart in a million times i know it's been attempted i'm not and it's not getting through it's just not getting through time and i'm seventeen and i sit in my room and write poetry and what i think love is and what i think it feels like and how to approach it and how to treat my body how i'm going to show what's on my niece and never a poem about how to love myself how to let my parent's love me she can make anything look beautiful she can hear every sound as if the melody and harmony comes together just right every time her words taste like twenty five cent sugar candies that you can only find at those out of business candy stores and her mind jumps hurdles yet her heartbeat stays study you can move her body as if the she can move her body as if the strings on her wrists are being puppets here by god she cares so she can stop for a second and see with the knob and go back to being played with guard by god she makes masterpieces like pecans so you can lose your breath when listening to her poetry but you wouldn't die she can make your heart stop and one stanza leaving your mouth cold and dry she dances salsa like she's from the streets of spain and she could put together your heart after it's been severed by pain she can make anything beautiful she could never be explained she's a spiritual girl and knows that flowers are only plants they have a laugh like her she is an artist and she can make the world smile i promise she can make the world smile she's who she wants to be who i want to be and these young people are really exploring some so deep heartfelt issues yes yes word i agree that's what it's about though right our future lives in their story so it is important that their stories are heard yeah yeah fresh let's keep it moving the next poet that i'm going to invite to the stage is one of the two alternate who with your assistance will more than likely be traveling with the team so here's how this is worked in the past right minnesota has successfully sent seven teams to brave new voices these teams have traveled to brave new voices and been funded entirely based off of community support and donations yeah that's a big do it do so every table in the room has a sponsorship sheet on that table look down find yours yeah look down find you as this is the teacher in me right yeah so if you have it the top have lets you know like what your money will be used for the bottom half of the sheet lets you know what the benefits to you aside from knowing that you like mega supported these young people right and help them travel and get to the next level of their artistry in just their personal development there are some benefits listed on this paper so take a look at that little later on well maybe i'm past the hat where your donations would be much appreciated yes interactive not like it's not there's no wall here this is like this is so anyway the next poet coming to the stage is many things but above all things she is human please give it up for chava gabrielle ok i'm going to deal with this microphones are weird hi everybody i'm really doing well and here are  as you can tell i'm really nervous because i haven't spoken word in like a couple weeks so this is weird but this first poem is called finding god can go seek with god except i never got to hide instead i was always seeking and i always found god so easily they were always right there in front of me always hiding in plain sight it was never much of a challenge so eventually i got bored with this game decided it wasn't worth my time so i stopped searching until one day as the walls of a place i called home began to slowly collapse in on themselves like a poorly constructed rabbit hole i began to miss my old friend so i began looking harder than i ever thought possible in more obscure places than ever before but i'd forgotten god's number one rule that they would never hide from me in a place that i did not know existed so i began to develop the feeling that god was living on the course of the coast of africa pushing themselves further and further away from me with the use of invisible tectonic plates i believe this until one day i found god in a stranger's backyard caught glimpses of their face being picked up by autumn winds felt their fingertips in the buds of tree branches in the spring my freshman year of high school a young girl no older than six talked in my sleep for no reason other than to tell me that i am beautiful that night i smiled myself to sleep telling myself that this was god in eighth grade i experienced my first kiss and it was perfect and i knew for a second that that was god i want so my little brother get hit by a car he then proceeded to stand up rush him self off and burst into tears because he did not want any of us to tell my father that he had neglected to look both ways before crossing the street i on the other hand side in relief because i finally knew what god looked like there is no place that i did not find god after that god lives in abandoned caves and hides in rotten tree trunks god lives in the palms newborn child in the marrow of a man with leukemia behind my great grandmother's eyelids god god is always i realize this when i ran and got on the street one day the me so badly i nearly spilled all of the contents of my backpack onto the sidewalk god bent over to help me gather all of my possessions they were drenched in sweat wearing sketchers and a white t shirt before i even got the chance to apologize god smiled stopped me and said a voice that tasted like sugar it's ok and i'm god then proceeded to stand up and continue their jog across the wondered if somewhere out there there's a father that i'm not supposed to tell so that was my first poem this next poem is it's it's titled mia and this is literally like my baby poem i spent a year and a half working on it i didn't put it on stage for the first year only one person saw it only one person edited it it means a lot to me it's sometimes i feel like i really need to give a preface to this one it's about this thing called on i mean sites which are websites online that basically promote eating disorders so like a person goes online and it's like i only eat like three carrots today and people are like where to go let's also and it's one of those things that a lot of people don't know about and so it's something that i really want to shed light on because i feel like people's body image is something that is lacking in positivity especially in our country it's winter the trees look so beautiful this year they've lost all of their bowl they're so lean sometimes thirty five pounds muscle does not exist which means that you are at least twenty pounds away from being beautiful at least gaddy it is a long process but there are three things you need to start out with one run stop when your body feels like it's about to collapse in on itself keep running this is how you will know you are getting stronger too never under any circumstances every to learn other people become your gauge for self control and three you punish yourself gabby this is the most important part next to keeping everything a secret remember beauty is pain you love m e i think my parents know something they've had me sit down with them to eat dinner every day this week i've gained three pounds they seem worried i don't see why i'm almost pretty i can't stop now love gaby dear gaby be more careful carrie granola bars and wiener with you everywhere this pill keep you safe wake up early make breakfast flushed down the toilet leave the dirty dishes in the sink get them off your anymore i think i'm so dizzy and all i can think about is how hungry i am and people are starting to talk and i just i don't know if it's worth it anymore dear gaby do not question me it is worth it to be beautiful do not contact me anymore unless you are willing to listen love me up p s drink lots of water it helps dear me it's been two months my body feels like a late autumn forest everything is dying rotting from the inside out and my good enough yet dear me dear gaby you will never be good enough remember keep punishing yourself dear me there is an uninhabited cave resting in my co endless i am so hungry dear gaby this is good to remember beauty is pain dear me i walked past him here this morning i did not recognize myself and my beautiful yet love gaby thank you everything ok no so what i was going to say is that i really want to i want to give it up for shadow one more time appreciation for addressing contemporary issues that conflict young people write i think i think that's really important and i think that people always ask this question like what is spoken  word you know there's this slam thing this competitive thing but there's also this socially conscious aspect of spoken word that is really really real and i think the shadows work captures that also this the next young m n my first encounter with his work is the same thing it really validates spoken word and hip hop because he's an mc as well right so really validates hip hop as a social justice movement and culture and also the validity of spoken word in hip hop in the ways that they address our issues or issues in the community right so the next poet is as i said in c a super talent and he's super socially aware  environment please give it up for and if you guys hear anything you like back to the sna off our mother it's just human nature to be so ignorant to such artwork the hair strands were drops of gray paint showing his knowledge of just how black and white the world is it was black and white in his cranium wired into the system his braces were titanium strands linking him to the hands of mothers losing their children to titanium bullets they shot down dreams they weighed queens they shot teens in new york queens leaving levi stained jeans if i idea that slipped from another's mouth slid off his head and was never heard of again prejudiced like many in congress and we are governors of broken promises and we are paintings hung out to be watched and tampered with to be judged to be struck over the head with a mallet the size of sledge hammers on we are made to plead innocence knowing in our minds we are guilty guilty of letting twist tell us just how special we are we are special we are worth much more than you what action we are just for sale like boats that have no anchor in a never ending race against violence and horror we never know when to stop there was never meant to bid at just the right price i wish someone was willing to purchase nike shoes nike bags nike boots nike hats nike tell the truth you try to label me and i supposed to be what the rest of the world thinks of me we are rusty nails that never seem to fit in right we have drill bits attached to our brains pounding in our insecurity stomach full of i wish that paid more attention and blunts rolled up like mommy never approved of my dreams please mommy i'll take the paint brush away from me we are stoners we are buried nooses going back in reverse because every stereotype hung around our skin color is never a race from the canvas we are granddaddy shirt he wore in high school and cheap loving shots and nylon boots with made in china stretched into the bottom we bet your bottom dollar the sun doesn't exist type realists we are an era of rap lyrics dumbed down so the remaining brain cells we have can comprehend and we are and i guess sucks nike shoes nike bags nike boots nike hats nike to those who try to label me on i suppose to me what the rest of the world thinks of me we are the era of black ink on white pages of black ink on white and black faces of tattoos of every homey dead tattoos in cursive across my chest it's funny the other day i asked my father if i could get one the era of ask your parents at fifteen if you can get one for some reason we like the idea of nero's piercing our flesh maybe it's a way to feel something resembling that of the ancestors who had whips lashes piercing their backs i don't know man my stomach falls every time i write a slain slave it's weird i always write in blood red pen it's weird i always curse when i'm with my friends but never the same person when i'm not with them we are poetry probably years a d d hey nike i would never let you label me again the shoe has come off i'm here i am every thought had the abandoned child has i am every camel short wearing kid i am that's when he first century kanye wrote a song for me listen to our speakers turned up just enough so god can see how much we love to live i am falling in love with the five three girls over and over again because i'm free enough to feel that i can me fall in love over and over again because i can say i love you slowly on the phone because my tongue is so familiar with the word awkward text while i'm sitting right next to you because i think it's cute the tell you you're beautiful every night before you go to sleep kiss you really soft because i can never stand the thought of hurting you the get irritated when i don't text you in the morning on the generation of read a poem and when i get to the love part make it really long because i can't get everything i feel across in words i should tell you i'm writing this po poem brings a really call in the centered energy to the group and i really really really appreciate that she has been writing for four years she is a lover of  words she loves words we all love words right here in this room for words but she really loves words but more than that she loves to move people a poet and a singer please give it up for the re ok so i brought a poem that was written in pencil not where the light was going to be like that so hopefully this will work out so that the first poem is called my black is beautiful my black is beautiful so is my brown my yellow my red white and blue my skin glows even with the loss of its hue forget the melancholy the melancholy stripped from my melanin my black is beautiful it shows in my skin in my hair and in my lips and if you look real close you can see a line hostage on my hips my black is beautiful regardless of what you see you say sad you wives i say i might have a color  was my black is beautiful and baby it shines losing its true meaning in the changing of the times in my black is beautiful forget looking close because i'm so bright my darkness doesn't even show but it's there and that's a fact i know because my black is beautiful she writes me poetry her admiration page after page all i ever really wanted was to save her but all she ever really needed was someone to love her and at night you can catch glimpses of her wandering eyes in search of her night in shimmering armor she dances on light feet losing herself in the search for dukes and princesses she princes she's the most beautiful thing i've ever known and to be privileged enough to lie  golden eyes on such treasure is a pleasure very few will ever know she's an undiscovered soul with greater intentions and in a conflicts than anyone could ever pretend to comprehend she's the glittering gem lost amongst the rocks and h gather and pools on angles she makes the entrance of a room glow with delightful smiles but cuts just as deep as mine and she contemplates skydiving with no parachute once in a while i kept slipping rambling about the end just a little too long and thoughtful she wants to leave with a bang but is afraid to be forgotten so she calls her name in cement between the major arteries in my skin she's unforgettable languages lost between tongue tied slip knots because the taste was the first thing we forgot we forgot the great valleys hidden between the scare robes and the kings we forgot their whispers along the shores of tears the tears that fell like the long awaited rain after the skin drying drought they were cursed with we forgot the guilt we should have felt pinned picking poisonous religion to needles into the turquoise veins played with bloodshed in vain we forgot the mighty battle the mighty battle cr dust lost in the blood of the children like us we forgot interesting yes i like this man he listens us to so yeah somebody in the back it was awesome we grunt that's what we're doing i don't know where it came is you know whatever is ancient weird summoning things that are bigger than again and gage with some of their work videos from experiences we've had a cafe i want of the sponsors of this team please go to w w w dot true art speaks dot com e a k s dot com for thank you thank you community members all right check out next poet coming to the stage is a student this is our second time on a minnesota slam team she is a theater artist a poet in she's funny as all get out please give it up for  he said i started using cold because the high feels feels better and and and when i slam i feel like i'm performing for god he started shaking caleb the emotion just seeps through my body both of those as over me so you know t don't be disappointed he was spared i turned my head counterclockwise and dagger spit from my eyes i stared at this transparent being there remains of what used to be my inspiration don't look at me like that kayla killer what makes you think you're better than you think you're better than me don't you yeah yeah i know you do you know i know you think you're better than me he started shaking again your body doesn't agree with you what's trying to get the devastation out like shaking as violently as epilepsy will cure you if you step on it when you speak because your tongue can't understand the dialect your mind is speaking when you're sober you can think clearly where does this a bloody hide when you fill your mind with baking soda i can see your thoughts foaming out of your mouth but they're not speaking english and i don't have my translator handy i don't speak addict what's wrong i know you can't hear me but i'm talking to you all my words will only last as long as poems do i miss you we were laughing to the rhythm of waterfall conversations blinking into an endless sky hoping i was there live we spent together we were poste children for love fireworks exploding too soon and something unexplainable holding us together not thoughts were never in tune in this pull i got from you like gravity on the holy grabbing at my waist i remember hands in our pockets one hundred one hundred eighty four minute long conversation hugs that made oreos jealous cheek splashing so hard stares silences i remember exactly what street i walked on when we smoked our first cigarette and you don't have to remember something to debate about over lunch i remember sobbing into your chest for the first time it was the only time you hugged me with all your arms i remember kicking not in the swimming pool not to scare the monsters away we just felt like kicking walking around the bad parts to cruise through the beauty to get you home every night i remember peck sardines in a can just to go to war movie i remember stage lights and transitions i remember only a few words that rolled off your tongue but i will never forget the love i remember the first time i've read for you our bodies in such a harmonious to him death would be the cause of separation i remember our spy a nice little paths next to the track a place to call ours where we called each other mine you know this i really understand that you have no idea who i'm talking about you really understand that you have no idea who i'm talking about and that's the point i don't want to hunt any of them down and punch them in the face that be mean there's no horrible twist there isn't a sad poem where i got cheated on with porn i'm only reminiscing because it's twelve o'clock and i'm bored thinking about all the times i cherish makes time go by a little bit faster and makes me feel a little less alone so this next poem i'm about to read is going to be the first time i actually read it with emotion and intent and like so like you know just i knew knowledge very well now legit is my dad's brother knowledge is my uncle knowledge was the name he was known as i remember the last time i talked to him i said you need to forgive yourself find redemption and repent knowledge have a lot in common he used to tell me the voices in his head were clawing there was an absence implying the essence of them out he wasn't thinking for himself anymore what was that it was nothing you did it hear anything the voices used to speak for you i didn't hear anything you told me the voices in your head were in your own you told me the unforgivable thing that made you do called like spiders it's just your leg hair did you think bringing a bottle to your lips john them out did you believe your family didn't love you i love you when he goes too big for one house hunting was it hard to believe in yourself i believe in you the line between nonfiction and fiction blurred so well together that it was normal to see purple bunnies without dimentia you see that car parked in the sidewalk knowledge walk in the street it's safer i never believed the voices would control you i didn't think i was a train imaginary when i started pulling towards you w i live right up the hill from that train i walked over the bridge emotion building in my throat and leaving my lungs like i just went through purgatory i know it's been five years but it still hurts just like knowing it happen tomorrow i always close my eyes when i reach the track because i don't want to see anything the police forgot was this for everlasting silence what you crave knowledge did the voices say trains don't come down the  more i lay down knowledge it was so easy to lure you end knowledge i will never forget valentine's day and i know that train appreciates first bloody valentine years i don't know if you forgive yourself i don't know if you repented i don't even know if you fully believe in christianity but i forgive you i forgive you i forgive you i forgive you i forgive you knowledge because really that's all you needed all right so now's the time that i revisit this sponsorship thing right so as i mentioned earlier we need to raise a little over five thousand dollars to successfully saying the a team so we're to pass around this jarvis tips for the band we are a band of young poets trying to change the world so if you have anything to contribute we would greatly greatly greatly appreciate yes if you are writing a check for your donation please make that check out to arcadia press d b a st paul on the neck i'm going to do it again  and we just appreciate you for being a body and an ear in this space wholeheartedly hundred percent that said we have two more poets coming up this evening the next poet he likes to write poems he began when he woke up from holding things in please give it up for d our pockets seconds before and we held doors for others and snuck in to receive communion even though our tongues hadn't reached its stage of holy water guns weren't allowed in our homes but balloons were so we soaked our summers in out our grass stains and became the night's nickname they call the kids we got ourselves bigger than most things our size sneaking girls beneath the playground slide first kisses were a lot like got laughter everything was funnier when you weren't supposed to smile they told us to mind our manners followed our fingers crossed apple sauce for dinner did you wash your hands before dishing them greens did you help your mother pick them greens we were scabby knees and bubblegum fiends a coked up on my can like send now and later is eat some for now and save some for later sounded a lot like a metaphor for childhood for the way we grew up through adversity and anniversaries of street signs in jazz parades i guess before they built that freeway there was a colony of houses lined up like heritage on an auction block about to meet their god the largest black community in same power was cut down like it hadn't deserved slapped on for so long like it hadn't raised its children under corner store stories from purchasing grandma's front lawn i bet if they knew we had been it the bridges they built they would sell those down and they would sell us kids to grow up like high as innocent as the communion that melted on her tongue she was dres with pots and pans hairpins hot combs and god in the hands as black as the skin of her bible her mother her bible her brothers now rivals her sister is now silent she sits in a house of bricks and bottles of love ready to explode it's like she is building after band she is a winter the road of silk children that has no stretch marks to claim our name she is our name snatched from ours not fit to speak it she is her mother's cane her mother kissed god on the cheek before entering his gates i know how i know the way my mother's lips formed a kiss to forgive her pain the night she grew her wings found her halo tangled and hairs of gray and gave her love to by the way she locks the doors mobster floors and keeps her kisses for special occasions like christmas that big degeneration of homemade how exacting teach your heart to fall in love she is love think words like life like light but damn not dark like i'm only like my very mother moon she is thinking now clipped james from the top of god's grace for the hands hanging loudly on that silent night she is there we go we have a tech genius who's going to figure out who it is that's kind of scary nobody else leave your phone because no k and the comic relief for the evening of the other thing that i want to say in the spirit of community is that we've raised over four hundred dollars in this space these young people yeah because it guarantees that two poets actually going to get there and back right it covers the airfare for two young people round trip that's a beautiful thing the other thing that i should say is if you're interested in continuing to follow and make donations she is our second team alternate but she is she is a student of life it's really it's really awesome to see a young person who is so inquisitive and always just interested in self discovery and her own growth and i'm really glad to be in relationship with the sister and i'm also really glad that she is in relationship with the other young people on the team and she's a wonderful role model in her words say that she uses poetry to heal herself and others and i strew so please give it up for for team only from a genuinely seems to welcome school she is october a fake months i'd like to call her smiles tell completely different stories of what she actually feels and she'll never put that mask down afraid seeing what she really looks like november he who gives thanks to hardship and insecurity stress and bullying gives thanks for another bitter reminder of what education and use look like december he is rushing and stressing and doubting himself before break that when those fourteen days come and go he doesn't even notice to worried for one that report card comes and what will mother say and speaking of mom she is january a new year new hope same stress same letdown how come december never seems to proper for the new year february believes she's not pretty enough no one will ever love her five seven and one hundred twenty nine pounds is just way too big  maybe if she lost some weight she'd know what love look like every time she looks in the mirror she thinks she's too old to not have been notice but she's just too young second month into the year and she's already tired march he doesn't think he can anymore april constantly filled with regret needing a fresh start to fix all the imperfections that she is she wants to be rebirth may she's thinking of how she's almost there joan he forgets  everything they've learned a mentor in the past nine months because the next two he definitely won't mind to remember july who makes being least lazy not so wasteful of a thing makes the hardship seem so old and significant but he's just like the rest of them he won't last forever aug her last days always seem to her to be the hardest and back to september the only friend willing to welcome back the tiresome and vicious cycle thank you smacks one is about an experience i had with my other friends i haven't practiced in a while so i might stumble but yeah it's called go home tom hate is a strong word that i try my best to never use so believe me when i say i hate putting people down i hate having someone feel insecure about who they are i hate black on black hate two weeks ago at the most i'm walking up town with three of my friends two boys one girl i have no idea what was said to make one of them start rapping but nevertheless he did and he did out out loud looking at me and the other girl noticed a man of color giving us a ridiculously disappointed look so we asked our friend to stop and he does a long story short we passed a man of color and he sussed what's with so much hate in his voice with so much hate in his voice you're embarrassing you need to  race so obviously we stop in our footsteps vulgar and angry words are thrown back and forth a fight almost and susan we move on what the rest of our day but so does that man that man who doesn't know that one of the boys with me is a kid from somalia escaped a war lost some of his family but as thankful every single day for being in america for being able to have some type of education to have a future to look forward to he doesn't know the boy rapping out loud was on his way to a spoken word competition filled with young minds and eager hearts that he was somehow going to inspire someone with his words he doesn't know that the girl with me who hasn't graduated yet still in high school takes college classes because she can't help but better her mind in some way shape or form i mean she's going places he doesn't know that his comments cut so deep i had to write a poem about him to let everyone know if they didn't already that that kind of ignorance exists somewhere out there it's sad more than anything that in that one sentence insulted everything we all stood for and that one sentence he degraded everything he doesn't know we represent in that one sentence he showed there was some kind of difference inside of our black community in that one sentence he tried to make us think that we didn't know who we are and the history that we came from and it honestly what bothers me the most is that i've learned from this while he walked away carrying that same ignorance i hate to see in another human being past one and it's called this one girl excuse me revealing it's how i describe the way she dresses she wants everyone to know she's an open option loose is just my nice way of saying she's easy selfish because she doesn't love herself the way she should and idiot who often gets strong thinking alcohol is the answer one and only leaves the question of how do i get help this girl there are pissed and we couldn't help solve her problem because no matter how hard she got at some point she'd have to come down and no matter how much she talked to talked it out the problem never changed she was always thankful though weed was something she could never get addicted to i mean she craved something more she didn't shoot it up snort it light it and inhale but it's something she was addicted to and it was attention attention all eyes on her all thoughts on her ignoring everything around her but her this was stimulating making her feel a lot of selling more of herself and she could stock something the least could never do make her feel like she was worth something so when that boy came around making her lungs pump for errors of my every molecule around was slowly disappearing she held on for dear life and this boy he saw opportunity he was able to make her lips close when he wasn't in the mood to tolerate her but as soon as time came for her to please him he made sure that her lips stretched to accommodate his size i mean that's all she was really good for they complemented each other in the worst way advocates of disrespect and low self esteem it's obvious not all negatives are paul as long as he had her up a couple times a day found her loveless words and instead of filling the void within her heart but the void between her thighs she was good using him just as much as he was using her coll drug abuse he was her first his fix his attention but lack of interest so contradictive but so contradictive was so much better than facing her past head on so she accepts that kind of looking for to kno nothing guys and lots of disappointment looking forward to a future looking forward to someone anyone as long as there was something to look forward to she take attention anywhere she could get it i just wish i could let her know she's going to make better mistakes tomorrow so it's ok because it's improvement on her past unfortunately i can't make her love herself the way she should thank you coming so you know enjoy right peace and be well