(For the full effect, read this in the voice of Darren Foreman)Yoooo, what up, TV Tropes? Welcome to the self-demonstrating page of the greatest pop star of all time. The one, the only, Billy Joe Cobraaaaa!noteNo relation tothat guy in the maskwho leads that group of villains.Now, I don't think I have to tell you, but I'm kind of a big deal. I mean, I'm the guy who sung some of your favourite songs. You know, "You Love Me, I Love Me More", "Where Have I Been (All Your Life)?", "Bromazing", "P.S. I Love Me", you know, all the classics. I was on top of the world back when I was alive... oh, yeah, that's kind of something else I probably should have mentioned.Yeah, I kind of... died young. Real young. Like, I probably didn't even get any grey hairs yet young (not that that's a bad thing, though I totally could've rocked the look). You can probably assume I wasn't done living on Earth yet, so I decided to stick around my old place.And here's something else, I wasn't lonely for very long. See, I left my place to my cuz, Jane Wright. So she decided to move in, bring the fam along even. That's how I ended up meeting my best bro, my cousin's kid, Spencer Wright. He managed to make my guitar pick into a necklace, and from there, it allowed him to be able to see and hear me. We've been buds ever since. And I am gonna stick by my bro no matter what, against bullies, adversaries, and whatever else my old town throws his way.But enough about me, let's talk about my tropes:Ambiguously Jewish: What? Why is this trope here? Does this have anything to do withmy real name, Baruch Cohen?Crossdresser: Yeah, sometimes I'll dress up as a cheerleader, one time a mermaid.Ectoplasm: Yeah, I can make it, being a ghost, and that stuff can do all sorts of crazy things. Spencer doesn't like me using it, though. Not too cool on the side effects.Attention Whore: What can I say? I was meant to be in the spotlight.Berserk Button: While I'm normally a pretty chill bro-ski, if you insult me or my songs, you're gonna regret it.Ghostly Advisor: My new role in death. I'm gonna help Spencer navigate the ins and outs of my old hood to help him succeed as a film director.Invisible to Normals: Yeah, thing about ghosts in my world is that they're only visible to folks who're wearing my clothes.It's All About Me: As it should be. Really, why should it ever not be about me at all times?Stage Name:Okay, yeah, that's true. My real name is Baruch Cohen.Voluntary Shapeshifting: Yeah, I gained the ability to do this after becoming a ghost.


I'm BoJack the horse, man. Don't act like you don't know.Click here to see how I look now"Well, that was another in a long series of regrettable life choices."—From the mouth of the Great Equine Fuck-Up(Best read inWill Arnett's voice.)Well, it's about time I got some recognition around here. Wait,where is here? Never mind, it must be a very fancy place to take on someone like me. Quick question: what's the snack situation in this joint? I mean,I'm not really picky, but I really hope there's some decent catering. Seriously, if there'shoneydew, I'm out the door. Wait, why is a lonely dweeb writing what I'm saying? So it's an interview? For what, I wonder. I mean, everybody knows who I am. Household name here. Just say it. What? Explain it? WHY? No, I mean, seriously, it's me, BoJack Horseman, the Horse fromHorsin' Around. C'mon, don't act like you don't know. (sighs) Well, I guess I'll have to. Princess Carolyn should get me better gigs than this. I'll give her a call. At least Mr. Peanutbutter will never have one of these.noteAnd now,he has one.(beat)AAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH.Well, let's start: My name is BoJack F. HorsemannoteGood luck finding outwhat the "F" stands for. For me, it'sFucking, because that's just how I am. Woah, you can say fuck here? Thank you, it's been a while since I've heard the word without wanting to cut my veins, son of Beatrice Horseman (née Sugarman) and Butterscotch Horseman. I didn't have the best childhood, but through some very lucky breaks and moving to L.A., yours truly found himself serving drinks and doing stand-up inThe Laughing Shackwith my best friend and mentornote(sigh)Herb Kazzaz and his girlfriend and anotherdeerfriend of minenoteI need a drink. Do you have scotch here?Charlotte Moore. Herb managed to pitch a show to some drunk network executives. A little sitcom calledHorsin' Around. Together, we were the happiest patch-up family sinceThe Munsters. And then, we weren't. You know, I really don't want to talk about this anymore. If you really want to know, you can watch my show, it's onNetflix. Right now, I've had a few hits in my stablenoteGet it? Mmmh, am I using too many notes?:Secretariat, the famous biopic where I play the title character (and my personal hero) and currently I'm playing Philbert in the new WhatTimeIsItRightNow's original series,PhilbertnoteWhat do you mean it's cancelled? What...? Oh. Did I...? Oh, no....If you want to find me, I'm usually at my house by the cliffside or hanging out with my best friend Diane Nguyen, for whom I've always had platonic feelings and nothing else, ok? If you can't reach me and it's for a movie offer, contact Princess Carolyn at VIM Agencies.She's always happy to receive offers for me.On second thought, if you're sending me any offers, it looks like you're going to have to forward them to the Los Angeles Supermax Prison for a while.Anyway, in case you are looking for a star, here's a short portfolio of my work in Film and TV.TV:Horsin' Around(1987-1996):The Horse.The BoJack Horseman Showformerly known asMitch's Life(2007):Myself. Also wrote the pilot episode.F.H.B.A.noteStands for Felicity Huffman's Booty Academy. Ugh, if only I would have known the initials(2017):Guest Judge.Philbert(2018):Philbert.Birthday Dad(2020): Dead Body #4FILM:Secretariat(2015):Secretariat.The Horny Unicorn(2020): The Horny UnicornI also was invited to guest-star on Mr. Peanutbutter's game showHollywoo Stars and Celebrities. What Do They Know? Do They Know Things? Let's Find Out!First-ever episode, actually. So no big deal or anything.All good? Oh, you're not looking for someone right now? Well, no biggie. I'll....just....leave you this....heeeeeeereeeee. Right here. In case you change your mind.Note: If you are gonna read this page (and you will, probably. Let's face it, if you're reading about me, you're a fan of mine), read it with the voice of the one and onlyWill Arnett. Of course, that is if you haven't done so already. Everybody saysit's impossible to read somethingI say in other than the voice ofGOB Bluth. He has a really deep, sexy voice.Oh and for some reason they want me to promoteMr Peanutbutter's page.Back in TV Tropes, I had these famous character traits....'80s Hair: What? It was the rage back in the day! Although it's a sign of pretentious douchebags now, so there's that. But still, forH.A.'s entire run, my mullet rocked.Abstract Apotheosis: As far as the internet is concerned, I am the "sad horse". Wanna hear a better one? Some critics (yuck!) have even commented on their reviews ofBoJackthatI'm defined by my depression. Let's see what else...Oh! I'mthe "broken heart" of the series. Hahahahahahaha...ha... Let's move on.Abusive Parents: Crappy childhoods really make the star, huh? My mother, Beatrice, was a cruel woman who was never pleased with anything I did and hated the fact I existed. You could blame my grandfather (may he roast in Hell for all I care) for creating the problems for both of us. My father, Butterscotch, well...he would berate me and all, but I don't really remember him being present in my life as I grew up. I always saw them fighting and well, for better or worse, that made us a family: the knowledge that our grudges, resentments and broken dreams bound us together.This cause me to have an internalized self-hatred of horses, so thanks a lot, you two massive assholes.Adventure Duo: Me and Diane when we work together. We're like the dynamic duo, only way better. Sure, most of the time we get our hopes dashed by reality. But until then, we enjoy the ride.Affectionate Nickname: Herb used to call me "BJ" when we were still young and idealistic.The Alcoholic: It's not a problem(for the most part). Horses process alcohol at a slower pace, so it usually takes a lot of booze to get me plastered. It speaks by itself that be it at a party, a wedding or just a stop at Bellican's, I usually end upbeyond plastered.Always a Bigger Fish: No matter what I do, I'll never be as famous as I want to. Bigger stars always beat me to the spot.Ambiguous Disorder: Depression, of course. Does that count?Beyond that, something calledNarcissisticPersonality Disorder. Other pseudo-psychiatrists (even worse than normal ones) have said it's Histrionic or Dependent Personality Disorder. Make up your mind! See, this is why I don't trust those quacks.Ambiguously Bi: What the hay...I'm not bi! You say a few things and everyone goesRule 34on younoteAndJapan decides to join in.. But, still, I guess some comments may have been taken the wrong way. I hope.It's not my fault stuff gets stuck in my butt. Ana and PC should be more careful where they leave their things. Although I don't mind it as foreplay. Just heads up, that's all I'm asking.When my friend Herb was outed as gay duringH.A.'s fifth season, he came to my dressing room to ask me for support since the studio was being pressured to fire him (Aah,The '90s). I wasn't disgusted by his gayness or anything, but I was very afraid of coming out...AND SUPPORTING HIM, OK? THAT'S IT! Still, he was my friend and he got me started in the business, so I decided to do it. As he was leaving, I couldn't help it and I, you know, asked him about the "party trains" they normally did. They sounded like fun, right? Who doesn't like a good, hard party? That was it, nothing serious. He just looked weird at me, so I simply shrugged it off as cool as I could muster.Then, there was the time when I guest-starred inHollywoo Stars And Celebrities: What Do They Know? Do They Know Things? Let's Find Out!, hosted by my frenemy, Mr. Peanutbutter and I—I kissed himnoteMr. Peanutbutter: Hey, BoJack! What's this place? You were talking about me?BoJack: (sighs) Heeeeeyyyyy, Mr. Peanubutter! No, we weren't. Now go away.The audience was pressuring me and I really didn't want to do it. People have come and said to me that I didn't put a big fight, but I just wanted to bury the hatchet (or the bone? No, no, no, the hatchet! The hatchet!), so I decided to get it over with. At least, he was tender and his hand on my crest was soothing.noteMr. Peanutbutter: You know? I didn't mind it that much. You kiss really good.BoJack: Get out of here! This is my...really?Mr. Peanutbutter: Yeah. I even said it to the show's audience. Stern, but supple, remember? Besides, it was to get even for kissing Diane. She was my wife at the time, remember? Nobody kisses my wife!BoJack: ....We'll never talk about this again. And she's your ex-wife.After returning to Hollywoo after a year or so, I lost my mother's baby doll and tried to get in contact with Diane to help me find it. Thing is, I arrived at her house completely shit-faced and because of that, PB offered to "take me home" like Eddie Money. Besides being an asinine analogy, I wasn't going to "go home with [him]". Maybe 'cause I was drunk, but for some reason, I added that if we were going together, I'd get to play "Eddie Money" in the scenario. I guess I don't like being called "easy" while drunk?(shrugs)noteMr. Peanutbutter: Oh, so that's what the song means! I never knew.BoJack: Seriously? You've probably heard it several times in a row and just now you're finding that out?Mr. Peanutbutter: Well, I had never really paid attention to the lyrics.BoJack: Whatever, just don't ever say something dumb like that ever again. By which I mean don't speak again.Mr. Peanutbutter: By the way, BoJack, didn't you say you wouldn't talk about "us" moments ever again?BoJack:...I hate you.Amicable Exes:Depends on how charitable and tolerant PC is feeling about me and my screw-ups, which is not very often. Still, she's my agent, we know each other too well and we go way back. Not even a nasty (professional) break-up could keep us apart for too long, so when we're good, we're the best.notePrincess Carolyn: Hey, dummy, I got your message. You better be good during the writing of your Self-Demonstrating Page, 'cause I may have something big for you and you'll lose it if you act like Mr. Jackass. It'll be good, just behave.BoJack: Last time I leave a voicemail.Anti-Hero/Anti-Villain: I kinda toe the line. It's true I'm not the innocent foal I used to be and I have a laundry list of dirty deeds, betrayals and overall shitty things I'll never right with anybody. But still, I'm not that bad; it's just a matter of starting to prove it.Attention Whore: I am famous and don't ever pretend otherwise.Badflank and Baby Seahorse Duo: Really,badflank?Aren't you allowed to say ass here? Anyway, there was a little seahorse who got lost outside Pacific Ocean City and I was around, so I helped him.It was quick and had no emotional impact on me.Bastard Angst: Let's just say my parents didn't expect me. I was doing good by myself, but they had so much hatred to share and I felt bad for having caused them such grief. Like it was my fault.Still, it helped me guide Hollyhock through the process, so it wasn't all bad.Became Their Own Antithesis: Too late to point that out, man. Back inThe '90s, I was in a very famous TV show. Young, energetic, idealistic and like an open book. Now, whenever people see me, they can't help but point out how old, grumpy and tired I look. This was especially notable when I reunited with Herb (it didn't go over so well) and Charlotte. They looked older and just as tired, but they still looked at me like I wasn't the same guy from back in the day, like I had "changed". They were right.Beneath the Mask: I may not look like Mr. Sunshine, but trust me: most of my grumpiness and good social skills? Comes from much lesser pain than the one I hide and keep inside of me every day. Although there arethose who believeI shouldn't use that as an excuse. They're probably right.Berserk Button: Okay, are you ready for the trivia? These are the top things you never do unless you want topiss me off.Don't say anything good about Mr. Peanutbutter.noteMr. Peanutbutter: So where would they say it? Funnily enough, I can't find my Twitter account.BoJack: I don't care, just don't. Also, never use my account again. I've changed my password.Never pretend honeydew is anything other than garbage fruitnoteSeriously, Netflix, never again.I'm not a has-been. I've had plenty of hits sinceHorsin' Aroundfinished.H. A.doesn't suck. ONLY I GET TO SAY IT SUCKED!! ME!!noteAna: BoJack, I just passed here because I remember something very different...BoJack: (gulps) How come you still got the key to my apartment?Big Brother Instinct:I could have left Hollyhock to go door-to-door, looking for her mother in such a big city like L.A., but much to my chagrin, I dragged through asking around until I found her, even if it meant getting the stink eye of every scattered ex I've had.Big Brother Mentor: Look, I'm all about being seen as a role model as the rest, but I know better. This life isn't what it's cracked up to be. Still, whatever little knowledge I've got, I try to pass it on...as bluntly as possible.Taneisha shouldn't have listened to me the first time. It's not often that the father's bride asks you to talk with her daughter. Seriously, that's their job, why would you put that on me? Fair enough, I was a celebrity. Taneisha didn't know if Karen "completed" her, so there goes the heartwarming speech I'd prepare.(neighs in frustration)In short, I said her options were to settle with someone who likes at least half of what she does or live the rest of her life alone. She just can't get picky or she'd end up like me. Nailed it. Too bad the speech bummed me out because then I made an even bigger mistake with Todd's friend Emily.Hollyhock knows better than listening to me, which I appreciate since I can't walk through eggshells every time we talk. She's young and I'm old, so she's still naive about a few life facts, which leaves me with the task of educating her about it.Big Eater: Fine, I have no self-control,is that what you want to hear?!This is what happens when you combine the literal appetite of a horse with an inner void that has to be filled with attention, food, and sex!Born Unlucky: Would you believe me if I told you I've got a bad track when it comes to luck?noteWhat do you mean you do?Broken Pedestal: Surprisingly no, even after my childhood hero Secretariats dirty secrets were revealed and he killed himself, I never lost my admiration for him. If anything I find him more relatable now as an adult than I did as a child.Butt-Monkey: A bit. Maybe. Who am I kidding? It'd be easier for me to just rename myself a walking disaster area. I come from poison and I can be poison, so why wouldn't poison be around the same?Byronic Hero: Pfffft...as if. Just because I follow the archetypical mold (brooding, passionate about things the society I live in don't care too much about, rebellious, impeccable wit), I fail in one aspect: I'm not that self-centered. I think. Honestly, most of the BH I know are villa...oh, BH. Yeah, the "not a good person" argument. Shit. Hold on, there's another trait: "broken". See? I have my flaws, but I hold together pretty well.No deep issues here, I tell you.Cannot Tell Fiction from Reality: What, you meanbesidesmy insistence that my life works like a sitcom? Well, there was that one timeI got so hopped up on painkillers that the lines between BoJack Horseman and Detective Philbert blurred like my own vision. Gina thought I was just "taking the character home" with me. Jesus, I wish she was right...Cannot Tell a Joke: Hey, I resent that! Okay, fine, I'll admit my standup days weren't the highest point of my career, but hey, the material was fine, I just had problems with the delivery. And the tempo. And maybe I shouldn't have kept asking the audience if they "got it". Cut me some slack, literally, the only positive reinforcement I'd ever gotten at that point in my life was people laughing at some of my jokes in school, I think I can be forgiven for being a little desperate.Cynical Mentor: I'd prefer to see it as being honest. After all, why would anyone ask for my help if they aren't desperate? It's better this way, they'll learn some harsh truths and realize what a shitty world they've been dropped into, hopefully leading them to appreciate how good they got it. To have someone to love, someone who loves you, family, friends, lovers...Dammit, why can't it be me?Darkest Hour: *whistles* I know I said I don't believe in rock bottom, because there's always a rockier bottom underneath, but I find it hard to think it could get any worse than this.I lost my job, my house, my money, Hollyhock disowned me, I'm the pariah of Hollywoo, I fell off the wagon, had to sell off my rights to Horsin Around just so they can re-release the series with all my scenes cut out, almost drowned in my old pool, and finally, I got 14 months in prison. Ironically, prison is the least horrible part of it all. At least in here, staying sober and stable is easy.Deadpan Snarker: I'm assuming thee is the one they call "Captain Obvious". Just when I thought something so useless couldn't be a superpower. Snarker...No kidding! You've been reading this page so far and you haven't noticed how much of a smartass I am, that's more on you than me. Still, I guess I'm kind of snarky, right? It's a family curse, sorry, although somehow I managed to make this trait funny in contrast with my mum and dad who could only make it cruel and you know you love me for it.Death Seeker/Mortality Phobia: Yeah, somehow you can get both of these, who knew? On one hand, I engage in incredibly toxic and self-destructive behavior as a response to my godawful childhood and terrible life in general, on the other, the thought of actually dying is so damn terrifying...As my friend Herb may or may not have said, "There is no other side. This is it"Desperately Craves Affection: Not that I know what to do with it even when I get it...Does Not Like Spam: Seriously, what is WITH this damn town and honeydew melon?! Whoever looked at a fruit cup and went "hmmm, this needs more honeydew"? It's a garbage fruit for garbage people!Though after actually trying some at PC's wedding, I actually kind of liked it.Doom Magnet: As you can guess with the trope mentioned below (No not the funeral one, why would I-), no matterwhatI do, the ones I love always seem to suffer. Like I said earlier, it'd be easier to rename myself a walking disaster area.The "Fun" in "Funeral": Oh please, don't pretend you all haven't delivered a harsh and heartfelt eulogy at your mother's funeral, only to realize you were in the wrong funeral parlor! Maybe the audience consisting entirely of geckos should have tipped me off.Hero with an F in Good: Look, it's not my fault, okay? It's that every time I try to be nice, somebody ends up making things even worse!Hell the one time, I literally didn't give in to my impulse to drink due to a bad situation, it somehow led to Doctor Champ's life being ruined.Hilariously Abusive Childhood: Yeah, no. It wasn't "hilarious." My conniving, self-centered mother couldn't even bring herself to admit she made any mistakes raising me in a household where the volume was always turned all the way up. I mean, hey, I broke theCycle of Revenge, what more do you want from me?Hollywood Pudgy:Are you calling me fat?!Just go ahead, say it, I'm fat! *sighs* Alright, if I'm honest, I'm in okay shape considering I'm a middle-aged alcoholic, but since I actually do live in Hollywood, surrounded by borderline anorexics who all look like they're near death most of the time, it does make me look fatter.Important Haircut: I'm almost 60 for god's sake, you really think I still have naturally black hair? I've been dying it for years. I finally decided to stop when I reunited with Sharona, who had been the hairdresser and makeup artist on Horsin' Around until... well, you can probably guess it was another selfish and stupid act on my part. She convinced me to cut my hair and wash out the dye, and... hm. It doesn't look too bad. More fitting my age, you know?Interrupted Suicide: It wasn't... look after Sarah Lynn died, it was rock bottom for me, alright? I'd screwed things up with Todd, Anna left me becauseSecretariatwasn't an Oscar nominee, then there's what happened in New Mexico. I wasn't going to... I mean, I just let go of the steering wheel, and let things happen as they might, but... well, then I saw that flock of wild horses running around, and I felt I had to stop.One timebeforeSarah Lynn died, I drove my Tesla into the pool and expected to drown. Unfortunately, this was all ruined by grrr...Mr. Peanutbutter. Thanks a lot, asshole.Wow, and I thought I was at rock bottom before. At least this time I can blame falling off the wagon for almost drowning in my pool...Jackass: C'mon, it's not that bad. A little selfishness here, a little rudeness there and too short of a fuse at times. That's all. Sometimes, it's people projecting how much their lives suck because of me...wait, that came out wrong, I meant...Jackass with a Heart of Gold: Hey, watch your mouth! I don't see it when it happens but according to others, I can be a genuine pain in the ass (or flank): rude, obnoxious, cowardly, snarky, arrogant and too full of myself. Even with all of that, I can act like a good person when I feel like it.Jackass with A Heart (and Look) of Jackass: You're seriously pushing my buttons with this word. Although, it'd be easier to count the times some (okay, okay, most) of the good I've done has been "Old Yeller"-ed while running for its life because of my persistent selfishness, insecurity, and impulsiveness.Can we at least count the times I've been trying toget the fuck out ofdoing this?In Touch with His Feminine Side: Not to the extent of YellowSnitterover there. After all, there must be a reason why my best (fully clothed) relationships are with women. Which is not the same as saying they're functional or healthy, but c'mon: Diane? Hollyhock? Princess Carolyn? Compare them to my relationship with Mr. Peanutbutter and Todd, if you can call that a relationship. And it's not like I know how to handle or understand it, much less claim to speak for others. This might be why I thought it'd be a good thing that I became a feminist icon. Big mistake.Lies to Children: Come on, Todd doesn't count, he's just aManchild, not a literal child! Oh, uh, unless you mean some of my interactions with Hollyhock? Fine, but in my defense, I confessed to her WAY faster than to most people I've lied to.Master Actor: Well, I don't mean to brag but let's say my experience onHorsin' Arounddidn't translate very well to media not focused on sitcom shenanigans. It'd be nicer if I could channel my acting skills without being on the edge of a nervous breakdown, though.My Greatest Failure: Uh... oh, God. There's a lot to pick from.Probably turning my back on my friend Herb onHorsin' Around. Or maybe when I went to New Mexico and almost slept with that teenage girl. No wait, it was letting Sarah Lynn die, especially when I didn't call for help right away. And then there was that time I sent a rehab doctor back on the sauce, which threatened his marriage with his husband. Ooh, but then there was...You know what, I'm done talking about this. Forget it.Near-Death Experience:It was... somehow both terrifying and pleasant. I mean, I did almost die, but I did get to see Herb again. And Sarah Lynn. And Zach Braff for some reason. I honestly forgot he was dead too. I don't know if it was just a dream, or if I really did see them all again, but... Well, I came back to life, so I guess I won't know for sure just yet.Only Sane Man: I'll admit I have my own hangups and obsessions, but have you ever actually been toHollywoo? With the exception of Diane, sometimes I feel like I'm the only person here with even a basic level of common sense. Even Princess Carolyn, for all her normal competence, dated a guy who wasclearlyjust three kids in a trenchcoat for god knows how long. To this day, I don't think she ever figured it out.Older Than They Look: Sure, I'm not quite the handsome devil I was in the '80s and '90s, but before I let my mane go back to its natural grey, would you have believed I was pushing 60?Phrase Catcher: *groan* Yes, for the final goddamn time, Iamthe Horse fromHorsin' Around!Though to be fair, I don't get asked that much anymore. Not since the edited version got released. So many years of my life, and what do I have to show for it?Platonic Life-Partners: There hasn't been any woman I've loved the way I love Diane. Ok, maybe PC, but that's another deal. I don't know if it could be classified asjust "platonic", but we're like mirrors: one cool, one dorky. We talk alike, we understand each other and we help any way we can.Precision F-Strike: Usually, I'll only hear someone actually say the word "fuck" to me if they're cutting me out of their life forever.Let's see... I've had "Get the fuck out of my house," "I will fucking kill you," "Fuck, man, what else is there to say," "What the fuck is wrong with you..." I'd rather not get into the specifics of those right now, though. Or ever.I tried to get in a "Fuck you, Mom" myself, but that didn't really pan out how I wanted it to. Story of my life.Really Gets Around: In the 90's, my penis was like sun-dried tomatoes, it got intoeverything!It... made looking for Hollyhock's potential birth mother a real pain in the ass. And completely pointless, as it turns outRiches to Rags:The 5 million dollar settlement to Sarah Lynn's parents stung a bit, but getting sued for 100 million by the Xerox Corporation for accidentally associating myself with them wrung me dry, so right now, I'm broke, homeless, and crashing on Mr. Peanutbutters couch. Or I will, once my jail term is up. Well, at least it's rent-free... But, well, there is a "but". The whole controversy surrounding my trial was, according to people in the movie business,really great advertisementfor thatHorny Unicornflick I made before going to jail, and it is poised to be a breakthrough hit that willrevive my career, so apparently it is just a matter of short time before I'm back in the green... If I can be candid with you, that thought actually kind of worries me for once...Small Name, Big Ego:Hey!I'll have you know my ego is exactly as big as befits a huge star like me! It's not my fault everyone is jealous of myHorsin' Aroundfame!Surrounded by Idiots: Again,it's Hollywoo, I don't know if this town just attracts morons or if you get dumber just by living here. *sigh* Well, considering my track record, it's probably both...Unsympathetic Comedy Protagonist:Well, it's not that simple. Here's how it goes: I am an egocentric has-been (except not, I'm still relevant! See?) with a huge ego (Huge? One suggests having aHorsin' AroundHorse Holiday once and people just blow it off proportions), entitlement issues (by the way, is this job paid? I know I'm doing it still, but I'd like to know so I can go. Kirkland snacks, bad reception, non-famous reading about me...seriously, the only good thing os far is me giving a monologue) and a tendency to treat my friends horribly (Huh, forgot my Tic-Tacs. Must be in the car...Oh, right. PB is probably in the passenger seat, locked. Forgot to slide the window down. Took the key, too. Meh, it's probably nothing), but I have my better moments and whenever I suffer, it's not exactly a happy occasion because I usually end up beating myself about it, which leads to bigger problems. Also, my general unhappiness with my life and relatable troubled personality often drains unpleasant thoughts and draws support from you, my fans.Villain Protagonist: Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold it there! I'm not a villain...well, I don't think I am. I have made my fair share of misdemeanors, but villain? I mean,I have (reluctantly) betrayed my best friend, hooked with one of my child co-stars's mother (which, apparently led to a divorce. Can't remember her face, though) committedMonumental Damageto impress a woman in a relationship, sabotaged a friend's dream to keep him around, almost slept with an old flame's daughter because of the resemblance, helped obliterate another cast member's weak resolve for sobriety which lead to her death and almost strangled a co-star during a drug binge.But I'm...I'm...I...........I.......I caused all of this. (beat) Maybe I'm not as likable as I could be. Not as good. But...but I-I'm not a bad guy. I-I-I...I try not to be. Some of the time. I...I could make a bigger effort, I guess. I'll make a bigger effort, I promise.What Could Have Been: I never really got over Charlotte, and often wondered what might have happened if I had taken her up on her invitation and went to Maine with her. I always liked to imagine her living in a cabin by a lake up there, and if I had gone with her... well... Of course, I eventually found out that she was only in Maine for a month, then moved to New Mexico, got married, had kids, the whole nine yards. I really shouldn't have been surprised.White Sheep: Before anyone asks, it's a metaphor. And I am willing to concede that sounds absurd to describe me as such (Especially coming from my mouth) but considering my father, my mother, and somehow even worse grandfather Joseph, I'm technically this by comparison. The trueWhite Sheep(again metaphorical) is Hollyhock, who dodged a bullet by not meeting most of them when they were still alive....And by distancing herself from me. (beat) You made the right choice, Hollyhock.


"It don't matter. None of it matters."(For full effect, read in the voice of Dave Willis).This is Carl ofAqua Teen Hunger Forceand this is my TV Tropes Self-Demonstrating page of the Century of the Week! I happen to be neighbors with a giant cup, a box of fries and a wheel of beef. They piss me off when they try to go to my freaking pool! I am also known as the Pigskin Wizard, the Gridiron Einstein and the Turf Whisperer!Check out these frickin' tropes!All Men Are Perverts: I own plenty of nude magazines. I don't want the Fryman to sell them for research for his freaking projects!Berserk Button: As long as you don't get in my freaking pool, talk crap about the New York Giants, or mess with my car, I'm cool.Breakout Character: I happen to be the host of a football show called "Carl's Lock", where I report everything about football.Butt-Monkey: Don't frickin' remind me...Carpet of Virility: I have tons of hair, even though I am going bald.Cosmic Plaything: I don't know if I believe in God, but he probably hates me. I'malwaysdying.Hilariously Abusive Childhood: My dad forced me to eat carpet during Christmas. I still don't remember robots and lasers appearing during that day.Jerkass Has a Point: Okay, so I'm not the frickin' Neighbor of the Year, but can you really blame me for being pissed at those food objects all the time? They're always killing me, and the cup is a psychopath!Police Are Useless: With all the crazy crap my neighbors get up to, the cops stopped taking my calls a long time ago.Sixth Ranger: I am not a living piece of food, but people fricking like me!They Killed Kenny Again: Like I said, I'm always dying, usually thanks to my frigging neighbors. Yet somehow, I'm always alive in the next episode. Ya know what I'm saying?Throw the Dog a Bone: I once sold my house toDanzigfor a million dollars. Greatest day of my freakin' life!Token Human: I am the only human being to be shown throughout the fricking show.Verbal Tic: What are you frigging talking about? My speech is fine!Your Head Asplode: Your head'd explode too if your jackass next door neighbor yelled at you after totaling your freakin' car twice in two days.


Aren't you lucky to be in the presence of a celebrity!"Chris McLean is the best host ever! How'd you get your own show?! You stink!"—Steve the Yetiand definitely not me,TDA: Aftermath: Trent's DescentLast time onTotal Drama...huh? What's this? TV Tropes? Um, my agent didn't say anything about doing this. I wasSUPPOSEDto be hosting a show here! McLean out!Phone rings with the theme of Total Drama Island playing.Hello? What's that? I AM getting paid for doing this? And a surefire spot as host in the next season? Well... I guess I can manage but you have to include a clause where I am to not be held accountable for anything that happens to the contestants in the next season! For-ev-er! Do you agree? Awesome!Okay! Change of plans! Looks like I DO have some time to spare. But hurry up! My hot tub isn't going to help me relax without me being in there! But I guess I better give out an introduction first. Ahem! I am Chris McLean! The Host with the Most and I am the host of the Total Drama Island series. After my stellar performances from my older days, the company has begged for ME to host their show! Throughout the seasons, I meet different cast members whom I all despise and love to torture! Many people believe my sadism has gotten worse over each season but rest assured, I'm still my same old self! Until I was thrown in jail for anentire year!Anywho, time to wrap this up as I have a date with a hot tub that is best enjoyed hot! Will I answer all necessary tropes to satisfy the reader? Will this only show how much of a sadistic person I am? Will I greatly regret even doing this in the first place? Find out right here on Total Drama TV Tropes! If you want to read this in my voice, read it in the voice ofChristian Potenza, or for Spanish-speaking users, Jhonny Torres!Here are the tropes that best describe me! The Host with the Most!Attention Whore: Hah! Do you think you're watching Total Drama just for those other annoying teens? No, no, no! I'm the host of the show so of course, all attention is on me! Of course, just try to hog the spotlight from me. I'll make sure you pay for it. Painfully! (chuckles evilly)Bad Boss: What? You think my treatment of my interns is downright horrific? Hah! They're just interns! They don't feel anything and if one dies...I mean gets hurt, then I'll get another & you wanna know why? Because interns are EXPENDABLE!!! THAT'S WHY!!!Berserk Button: Yeah...I have a lot so I'll list them below:Do not ever, EVER cut me off! I hate it when those dumb teens overtalk whenever I'm trying to describe a challenge to them! And they get mad at ME whenever they whine and complain if I don't explain things right.Do not mess with any of my stuff! They're MY stuff and I have EARNED those things! When Sierra blew up my plane, I kicked her out of the show even though she won the challenge that day! Oh, and Duncan is sitting nicely in a jail cell for DESTROYING MY BEAUTIFUL COTTAGE!!Do not bring up any embarrassing moments from my past! I had to shut up Sierra when she revealed I was in a boy band and made me the laughingstock of the others! It was at that moment I stopped treating Sierra nicely and began to torture her just as much as the other contestants.Do NOT ask me about my age! I'm middle-aged and that's all you need to know!As I stated above, do NOT try to hog my spotlight or try to take over my show! I got Dakota mutated and Topher shot out a cannon because of it!Dark and Troubled Past:I do not want to talk about it but something happened in my past that caused me to become the guy you all know and love to hate.Deadpan Snarker: I do have my moments of this, especially with the type of cast I deal with.Even Bad Men Love Their Mamas: Yes, I'm a pretty terrible guy but I am still close with my mom. She even still sends me cute pics of her cats sometimes!Even Evil Has Standards: Yes, I am a cruel guy that loves seeing teens get hurt in numerous painful and funny ways. However, even I foundHeatherreading Gwen's diary to the entire world messed up.Faux Affably Evil: Hey, I'm a pretty chill guy to hang with on the outside! On the inside, I just happen to not care what happens to you or anyone else and love torturing you for fun!Flanderization: I'm accused of getting more and more cruel and sadistic over the seasons. I don't see what they mean as I've ALWAYS been this way! Locking me up in jail for a year has caused me to be more "edgy" I'll admit.Hate Sink: I'll admit, NOBODY in the series likes me. Hah! I don't care as the feeling is mutual!It's All About Me: Duh! I am not the HOST of Total Drama for nothing! When something occurs that puts others' lives at risk, of course, I'm saving my butt first! There is only one valuable "me" in this world! Hello!Jerkass: Um, if you're reading everything up to this point, this shouldn't surprise you.Jerk with a Heart of Gold: I've been described as an unpleasant person and even with me only looking out for myself, but there are SOME lines thateven I won't dare to cross.Jerk with a Heart of Jerk: Make up your mind! Either I'm a jerk sometimes or a jerk all of the time! It is mostly the latter so...Lack of Empathy: What? I'm supposed to show concern for the cast members whenever they get hurt or almost die? Hello! I'm the host! I'm not supposed to show concern for the cast members as it shows weakness!Morality Pet: This trope appears to be taken literally as the only ONE thing I care for right and never showed any hostility toward is my pet mutated plant, Larry.Narcissist: What? You need to have a perfect figure like mine to be able to host a show like Total Drama. And it also costs a LOT to keep myself looking good so yes! Also, almost everything MUST have my face on them! The Gilded Chris Awards from Season 2 are one of my favorite prizes to give away!Not Me This Time: No Heather. I did NOT steal your immunity idol. It was obviously Alejandro.You think one of the most cunning and manipulative characters in the entire show would be quick to assume the person she literally told she found the idol to was the culprit!Seems like all of the cast duringAll-Starsgot a lot stupider over the years.Older Than He Looks: SHUT UP!!! I look good no matter what my age is and I'd rather not go into how old I am!Pet the Dog: Hey! Even if my heart is colder than the food we serve the cast, I am capable of kindness! For example:I let Katie and Satie reunite after the latter was eliminated. The two are inseparable so I thought to at least let them have their moment.I mentioned thatDJwould be missed after being eliminated in the first season. If evenHeatherjoined in on a group hug, it's safe to say he deserved the friendly departure.Gwen and Courtney finally burying the hatchet and becoming friends again was very, very touching. Even I shed a single tear over how heartwarming that was and decided to give them both a point.I take great care of my pet mutated giant plant, Larry. He (later revealed to be a she) is pretty much the only thing I truly show care for at all times!Psychopathic Manchild: Hey, I take offense to that! Not the "psychopathic" part, that's pretty much true. ButI'm not a manchild!I'll eliminate you if you keep calling me one!Sanity Slippage: Well...being locked up in jail for a year has caused me to get a little..unhinged...Screw the Rules, I Make Them!: I loooove doing this! Being the host, I have the power to do what I want whenever I want! It makes the show more interesting and fun! For me!Teen Hater: Yes, I have admitted on screen that I despise teenagers. Though considering all the stuff I've done to them, this shouldn't be a shocker.Took a Level in Jerkass: A lot of people say that I was indeed a jerk in the first few seasons of Total Drama but I still had somePet the Dogmoments and even someEven Evil Has Standardsmoments that made it seem I wasn't all THAT bad. However, by Revenge of the Island, I dropped all of that and focused purely on torturing the new cast as sadistically as I can! I even pulled off an impressiveEvil Laughto show how low I sunk!Trademark Favorite Food: My favorite drink is tomato juice. Not that you or Sierra should have known that...Vitriolic Best Buds: A good way to describe me and Chef's friendship. In some episodes, he's annoying me and trying to get me hurt in some way. In other episodes, I'm inviting him to lunch or to watch the other teen's torment.What Happened to the Mouse?: You're probably wondering why I didn't host that spin-off, The Ridonculous Race. It's simple, I didn't feel like it.Would Hurt a Child: Well, not younger kids but considering the cast from Total Drama Island and Total Drama World Tour were around 16 and I love torturing them through various life-threatening challenges, I guess so!There! I am done with this! McLean out!


A picture of me.Um...hi, readers. My name isChuckie Finster, and this is my page on the Interwebby-thing.I should probably tell you about me. Well, I'm only two years old, and I live with my mommy, daddy, my adopted sister Kimi, and our two doggies Fifi and Pepper.My friends are this boy named Tommy who's a bit younger than me but much braver, his little brother Dil, Phil and Lil who are twins that live next door to Tommy and Dil, a very smart big girl Susie, and Tommy's older cousin Angelica. Okay, I am a bit scared of Angelica, because she's quite mean, but she's my friend anyway. Tommy's the bravliest, but they're all more bravely than me, but that's okay, I'm used to not being brave.I like to play in the sand, on slides and with blocks, but don't like it when people puts blocks where they're not susposed to go. My favouritest toy is a bear called Wawa. I don't really like new things, 'cause I find them scary, but they're okay or even good when I gets used to them. Oh and big me is gonna share this page with me.Tropes about meAccidental Misnaming: Tommy's little brother Dil sometimes calls me Ducky.Baby Talk: Well, I'm only two, so don't blame me if I don't talk right.Berserk Button: Mostly, I don't gets mad at people, but don't unsort my blocks.Big Brother Instinct: When my daddy married Kimi's mommy, Kimi became my little sister. At first, I was worried that I wasn't going to be a good big brother and that Kimi didn't really need me to protect her, acause' she's brave and I'm not. When I sawed two boys kicking sand at each other, and some of the sand landed on Kimi, I worked up the courage to tell them to leave her alone. Fortunately, they meaned no harm to her.Blind Without 'Em: Without my glasses, everything looks blurry unless I sees it up really close.Butt-Monkey: Im not a monkey and I don't like them after our adventure in the woods. But more bad things happens to me than my friends.Catchphrase: I likes to say "We're Doomed!" whenever we gets into trouble, and "I don't think this is such a good idea." whenever Tommy tries to talk me into going on a adventure.Embarrassing Damp Sheets: There was that one time, I wetted the bed while staying at Tommy's. He didn't mind though.Facing Your Fears: Mostly, I'm fine with being afraid, but if I have to quit being scared of something or do something even though I'm scared, I pretend to be a big brave dog. Susie taught me.Feud Episode: One time, I thought Tommy's ideas were too scary so I decided not to be his friend anymore. Another time, he and I got mad 'cause we couldn't agree on what to play so we finded different people to play with. Sorry for both of those times if you're reading this, Tommy, though I don't thinks you can read.I Don't Think That's Such a Good Idea: Sometimes, Tommy's ideas are crazy, and I don't think they're good ideas.In-Series Nickname: Tommy sometimes calls me Chuckaroo, while Phil and Lil's mommy calls me Chuckster. Angelica calls me Scaredy-Cat.Like Father, Like Son: I guess I am kinda like my dad. We both has red hair and glasses, we both get scared easily, and we're both allergic to dandelions.Limited Wardrobe: Mostly I always wears red shoes, yellow socks, green pants and a blue shirt with a planet on. In fact, when I losted my shirt, I felt I had to change my name.Lovable Coward: I scare easily, but I'm a nice boy.Masculine Girl, Feminine Boy: My sister Kimi is a lot like Tommy; she's very adventurous and when she loses something, she wanders into strange territory to get it back. I'm not so brave, so whenever I lose something, I prefer to leave it where it is. However, when Kimi wanders into strange territory, I'll go in with her to make sure nothing bad happens to her.Missing Mom: I used to have a different mommy but she's not around anymore. Well,she's dead so she can't really show up.Luckily, I gots a new mommy now.Nature Tinkling:When I was learning to use the grown-ups' potty, I was worried about being watched, so I decided to go on a tree, but that wasn't allowed. I thought that Spike was part of the rules too so we tried to potty-train him, but then he wented on the tree again and they didn't mind, so I decided they'd changed the rules again and peed on the tree.Also, I went potty in the drainforest while we gots on an island.Neat Freak: I like having my blocks put away, and stacked big to small. Tommy finds that annoying, so sorry, Tommy.One-Episode Fear: When I got pushed down the big-boy slide, I became scareded of slides. Susie made that go away. I also used to be afraid of goin' down the drain, especially after Angelica told me I could, but I soon finded out I'm much too big to fit down it.Potty Failure: I wetted my pants a few times while being potty-trained, but I don't anymore. Hardly ever.Throw the Dog a Bone: After our trip to Paris, I gots a new mommy after daddy married her and a new's sister named Kimi.Toilet Training Plot: When I first gotted potty-trained, I didn't want to, but now I can't imagine myself in diapers.Why Did It Have To Be Clowns?: I'm scared of clowns, the dark, new things, monsters, actual snakes, and the guy on the oatmeal box.Tropes about big meAnime Hair: Especially during my "Yu-Gotta-Go!" dream sequences.Bad Liar: Angelica basically has to drill me in how to be an effective liar in "Brother, Can You Spare the Time?". How does she do it?Berserk Button: I'll go absolutely paranoid if I think Kimi is in danger.Big Brother Instinct: Towards Kimi, who doesn't always appreciate it. (SeeBerserk Buttonabove.)Big Brother Mentor/Older and Wiser: I have an odd role when it comes to wisdom: most of the time I'm nebbish and insecure, but when the moment comes for it. I'm also often the guy who picks up on my friends' sensitive/emotional problems and gives wise speeches to members of the gang, most often to Tommy and Kimi. Occasionally I'm the "lesson giver" when Susie's not around.This leads to aRunning Gagwhere I give some insightful advice, and then I admit that got it out of a fortune cookie / hallmark card.Funnily enough, while I often fill this role for Tommy, Tommy often fills this role for me. It's a cornerstone of our friendship. In fact, a couple of the speeches I give to Tommy are of the "teaching a lesson that Tommy didn't realize I was already inspiring in other people" sort.Blind Without 'Em: Not as bad as in the original series. I actually remove my glasses at times to read fine print.Butt-Monkey: Even more so in this series. One episode even finds me completely naked on school grounds, save for a guitar.Continuity Nod: The circus camp episode reveals that even after all these years, I'm still terrified of clowns.Crouching Moron, Hidden Badass:noteDon't look at that last one, little me!I often displays abilities that end saving the day, and when facing my fears I actually can prove myself to be a quite competent leader and hero. Unfortunately, many of my abilities only work in very specific circumstances, a constant source of frustration for me.Heterosexual Life-Partners: With Tommy, of course, and even gets jealous if anybody threatens to take my place as his best friend.Hidden Depths: In 'Superhero Worship', it's revealed I've a knack for engineering; my design for a mice labyrinth (required for a school project/contest) was so good that its photo and blueprints appeared in a specialized magazine, and one year later, when helping Tommy do his own labyrinth for the same project, we won first place. Later, in 'Brothers' Grimm', this ability is referenced again, as I make the blueprints for a treehouse, having professional-like quality.The Lancer: As usual, I follow Tommy's lead.Launcher of a Thousand Ships:In-universe.Lovable Coward: I try hard to avert being a coward, especially in the earlier episodes.My Sister Is Off-Limits: Played straight in "Bad Kimi" and especially in "TP + KF", when I'm very protective of Kimi's potential relationships with Z and Tommy.Nerd Glasses: I wouldn't be Chuckie without 'em, you know.Self-Deprecation: I always seems to make remarks that insult myself.Chuckie:See? I'm VANILLA! Crustless,vanillaFinster.Shower Shy: An episode has me trying to avoid having to shower in gym class, until one of my attempts to do so gets me stranded outside the locker room with no clothes or towel. At the end of the episode I finally overcome my fear.Simple, yet Awesome: Apparently, I don't consider my latent engineering skills to be cool or impressive at all, since I never told anyone about how my mice labyrinth's design actually got shown in a specialized magazine, and my friends only found out when looking for reference material for their own labyrinth. It's possible that I have other cool or useful abilities but I don't consider them interesting at all and therefore never shows them until they are actually necessary.A similar case in "Dude, Where's My Horse?", when I finds out I'm an extremely good cowboy, but then I feel bad when remembering these abilities are useless back at home... and then I start playing a harmonica with remarkable skill. Even Tommy can't make me confess at what point I learned to play an instrument, as I've apparently learned to do it almost without realizing it.Techno Babble: I descend into this when I'm deprived of television. "TV Rots Your Brain!" indeed.Why Did It Have To Be Clowns?: While I've gotten over most of my childhood fears (even my fear ofAngelica!), I never quite got over my fear of clowns.noteDon't worry, little me, they still won't bethatscary anymore, and yeah, that guy on the oatmeal boxalways did look weird.


YOU ARE TO READ THIS IN THE VOICE OFMIKE JUDGEDOING AN IMPRESSION OFR. LEE ERMEY, OR I WILL KICK YOUR ASS! IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHO THAT IS, AT LEAST TRY TO HEAR AN AMPLIFIED VARIATION OFHANK HILL'S LOUD YELLING!WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT IN THE HELL DO YOU WANT?! SELF-DEMONSTRATING, HUH? DO YOU WISH TO READ ABOUT ME? ARE YOU SURE YOU DON'T WANT MY BOOT TO YOUR REAR?! ALRIGHT THEN, PERMISSION GRANTED! SO LONG AS YOU'RE NOT THOSE TWOSTUPID PANTY WASTES!IN FACT, THEY ARE THE VERY REASON I HAVE MY OWN PAGE, THAT ANDPEOPLE RESPECT ME ENOUGH!BUT IF YOU DARE TO COMMENT ON THE VERY IRONY OF THE FORMER, IWILLKILL YOU! CLEARLY ITENDED UP COMING BACK TO BITE THEM IN THE ASS!I AM BRADLEY BUZZCUT! BUT ON THE CAMPUS WHERE I WORK AND THE SHOW I AM FROM, YOU MAY CALL ME COACH OR MR. BUZZCUT, AS I TEACH MANY SUBJECTS FROM PHYSICAL EDUCATION TO SEX-ED TO GEO-METRY! I ALSO FOUGHT FOR THIS VERY NATION! I WORK FORPRINCIPAL MCVICKER, WHO ALSO HAS HIS OWN PAGE, LIKE THOSE WORTHLESS SACKS OF ATROPHY!ALRIGHT, YOU LITTLE TURDS! WE'RE GONNA BE TALKING ABOUT MY TROPES! NOW SHUT THE HELL UP AND READ THEM!Arch-Enemy: MCVICKER AIN'T THE ONLY ONE FOR THOSE NAMBY PAMBYS! THERE'S TWO OF THEM,AND TWOOF US!Berserk Button:DON'T YOU DARE TELL ME YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT OUR FOUNDING FATHERS! DO YOU KNOW WHAT I CONSIDER PEOPLE WHO SHOW SUCH BLATANT DISRESPECT FOR THE MORALS AND VALUES WHICH THIS NATION WAS FOUNDED UPON?! THE ENEMY! THAT'S WHAT I CONSIDER THEM!AND DON'T YOUEVERHIT ANY OF MY STUDENTS! THEY'RE MY CLASS, I DO THE ASS-KICKING!THE MOST FATAL MISTAKE YOU CAN MAKE WITH A MARINE LIKE YOURS TRULY IS TRY TO FIGHT THEM, EVEN IF YOU ARE A LITTLE PANTY WASTE. IF YOU DO, I HOPE YOU KNOW SOMETHING ABOUT HAND-TO-HAND COMBAT!Big "SHUT UP!": WHEN I TELL YOU TO SHUT THE HELL UP, I MEAN IT!SHUT THE HELL UP!Chuck Cunningham Syndrome: WHAT?! THOSE BASTARDS AT PARAMOUNT PLUS DIDN'T GIVE ME A SINGLE APPEARANCE IN SEASON 9 AND SO FAR I HAVEN'T APPEARED IN SEASON 10 EITHER? I'LL KICK THEIR ASSES! I WASALREADY INTHE DAMN MOVIE!The Dreaded: THE STUDENTS OF HIGHLAND HIGH HAVE RIGHTFULLY LEARNED TO SHUT THE HELL UP THE SECOND THEY HEAR MY NAME! EVEN DAVID VAN DRIESSEN IS WISE ENOUGH TO SHUT HIS SUBORDINATES UP BY THREATENING TO LET ME LOOSE ON THEM! GUESS THAT DAMN HIPPIE IS GOOD FOR SOMETHING!Drill Sergeant Nasty: THIS IS HOW I TALK! AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT, THAT'S TOO DAMN BAD! PLUS, IT'S MY JOB TO BE NASTY!Evil Laugh: I CAN'T RESIST LETTING A GOOD HEARTY LAUGH OUT WHEN EITHER I OR MCVICKER GET ONE OVER ON THOSE MAGGOTS! AH-HAHAHAHAHA!Feeling Oppressed by Their Existence: YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT BEAVIS AND BUTT-HEAD HAVE DONE TO EARN MY ETERNAL ENMITY? I'LL TELL YOU: ABSOLUTELYNOTHING. THEY HAVE DONENOTHINGTO ME BUT STAND AGAINST EVERY VALUE AND LAW OF DECENCY I UPHOLD IN THIS GREAT NATION! AND I WILL BE DAMNED IF I STAND BY AND LET THEM DISRESPECT EVERYTHING I FOUGHT FOR! YOU KNOW IT SHOULD SAY SOMETHING WHEN MCVICKER AND I KNOW MORE ABOUT THAT THAN THEY DO!Hair-Trigger Temper: IT TAKES EVERY OUNCE OF MY CONTROL NOT TO KILL THEM BOYS! BUT I'LL BE DAMNED IF I LET ANYONE OTHER THAN MYSELF OR MCVICKER TRY TO DO IT IN OUR SCHOOL, EITHER!Jerkass: SHUT THE HELL UP BEFORE I KICK YOUR ASS!Jerkass Has a Point: NO, I DO NOT EXPECT YOU TO LIKE ME, BUT EVEN YOU UNDERSTAND THAT WORTHLESS DELINQUENT TURDS LIKE BEAVIS AND BUTT-HEAD DESERVE ONLY THE HARSHEST OF PUNISHMENTS! HOW THE HELL EITHER OF THEM CAN BE SO DAMN STUPID IS BEYOND COMPREHENSION!THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT EMPATHY IS!Jerk with a Heart of Gold: LIKE I SAID BEFORE, I WILL NOT HAVE ANYONE DOING THE ASS-KICKING ON MY CLASS BUT ME! THEY WILL BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF EACH OTHER ON THEIROWNTIME!Karma Houdini: SURE, PEOPLE MAY DISAGREE WITH MY METHODS, BUT I'M THE ONLY TEACHER AT MY PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR AN INSTITUTION THAT CAN DISCIPLINE THOSE TWO WORTHLESS BAGS OF DUMB! PLUS,I'M A MARINE; MCVICKER HAS TO KEEP ME AROUND TO KEEP HIS SORRY SUBORDINATES IN ORDER!Large Ham: YES, SIR! I AM LARGE AND IN GODDAMN CHARGE!Made of Iron: BOY, IT'LL TAKE A LOT MORE THAN A STEAMROLLER OR A CAR CRASH TO TAKE ME DOWN! A MARINE CAN TAKE ANYTHING!No Indoor Voice: SHUT THE HELL UP! YOU WILL SPEAK ONLY WHEN I TELL YOU TO AND UNTIL THEN, YOU WILL LISTEN TO AND ENDURE THE FULL POWER OF MY VOICE!Non-Indicative Name: MY FAMILY NAME WAS GIVEN TO ME BY MY FATHER AND HIS FATHER BEFORE HIM! IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH MY HAIRCUT, MAGGOT! THAT WAS GIVEN TO ME BY UNCLE SAM HIMSELF! AND NO, IT IS NOT VAUGHAN! I DON'T KNOW WHERE THE HELL YOU GOT THE IDEA IT WAS, BUT IT ISN'T! IT IS BUZZCUT AND YOU WILL RESPECT IT!The Only One Allowed to Defeat You: I REMIND YOU THATIDO THE ASS-KICKING IN SCHOOL! AND IF ANYONE IS EVER GOING TO KILL BEAVIS AND BUTT-HEAD, IT WILL BE ME! ONLY MCVICKER HAS THAT OTHER PRIVILEGE!Patriotic Fervor: YES, I AM A PROUD AMERICAN! I JOINED THE MARINE CORPS AND I FOUGHT FOR MY COUNTRY! SO YOU CAN BE DAMN SURE THAT I WILL KICK THE ASS OF ANYBODY I CATCH DISRESPECTING OUR FLAG AND FOUNDING FATHERS!The Power of Hate: DO YOU KNOW WHAT MAKES A MAN?! DO YOU KNOW WHAT SELF RESPECT IS?! I'LL TELL YOU WHAT I LEARNED IN'NAMWHILE ON THE HO CHI MINH TRAIL, BURNING DOWN VILLAGES HOUSING THE VIETCONG ARMY WITH MY TRUSTY M-16 BY MY SIDE! STRENGTH! ANGER!HATRED!THAT'SSELF-ESTEEM! NOW ARE YOU WITH ME? I SAIDARE! YOU! WITH! ME?!Rated M for Manly: THIS MARINE IS PACKED! YES, SIR! THIS IS HOW A MAN SHOULD BE!Sadist Teacher: TO INSTILL ORDER ON MY PATHETIC STUDENTS, I KICK THEIR SORRY LITTLE ASSES! ESPECIALLY BEAVIS AND BUTT-HEAD! ONE TIME, I GOT MY CLASS TO BEAT THE LIVING HELL OUT OF A GIFTED STUDENT!Semper Fi: IN CASE YOU HAVE BEEN TOO STUPID TO PAY ATTENTION, I AM A MARINE! I FOUGHT FOR THIS VERY NATION YOU LIVE IN, SO YOU BETTER BE DAMN GRATEFUL TO HAVE FINE PEOPLE LIKE ME AROUND!Survival Mantra: A Marine can stand anything! A Marine can stand anything! A MARINE CAN STAND ANYTHING!The Talk: I HAVE BEEN TASKED TO TEACH SEX EDUCATION AT THE SCHOOL — THAT'S RIGHT: SEX ED! WE TALK ABOUT THE [aggressively leans forward]PENIS!WE TALK ABOUT THEVAGINA!DO YOU THINK THAT’S FUNNY, TROPER? DO YOU FIND IT AMUSING THAT WE TALK ABOUT THETESTICLES?YES, WE ALSO TALK ABOUTVENEREAL DISEASE!SEXUAL INTERCOURSE!THESCROTUM!THECLITORIS!AND- AND WE DEFINITELY SPEND A LOT OF TIME TALKING ABOUTMASTURBATION!Too Kinky to Torture: YOU WANNA SEE A MAN? KICK ME IN THE JIMMY!*troper kicks Buzzcut in the nads* EEE...YES! DO IT AGAIN! DO IT HARD!*troper kicks Buzzcut in the nads again, but harder* EEE...YES, SIR! THANK YOU, SIR! I FEEL NO PAIN, SIR!Ultimate Job Security: HIGHLAND HIGH ISA BREEDING GROUND OF SCUM AND DEGENERACY!IT IS FOR THIS REASON THAT PRINCIPAL MCVICKER HAS GIVEN ME FULL AUTHORITY TO ENFORCE STRICT DISCIPLINE ON ALL THESE PANTY WASTES IN ANY WAY I SEE FIT! NO P.T.A. IS GOING TO CHANGE THAT AND IF YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT SLANDERING ME TO THEM, I SWEARI WILL PHYSICALLY KILL YOU!Villainous Friendship: IF UNGRATEFUL TURDS LIKE YOU THINK THAT UPHOLDING THE VALUES OF THIS COUNTRY IS VILLAINOUS, THEN YES, I AM BY ALL MEANS A VILLAIN! PRINCIPAL MCVICKER IS THE ONLY OTHER MAN HERE WHO AGREES WITH ME AND MY OPINION ON THEM BOYS, SO YOU CAN BE DAMN SURE THAT WE SHARE AN ACCORD ON GIVING THEM THE ASS-KICKING THEY SO RIGHTLY DESERVE!


, I am Cobra Commander, president of Cobra Island and leader of the mighty criminal empire known as COBRA. For years, I have pursued world domination, but despite my military prowess and limitless resources, I have time and again met defeat at the hands of theGI Joesthanks to the MORONS who dare to call themselves my subordinates.YES, THAT GOES FOR YOU TOO, MINDBENDER! Unless you’d like to try making a better Commander again, you can quit trying blame ME for YOURMISTAKES!My glorious career began asa car salesman who lost everything and went insane, ormaybe as the Baroness’s younger brother—THAT HAPPENED, BARONESS. YOU CAN STOP LOOKING SO DEPRESSED—orperhaps as a nobleman from an ancient race of snake people sent to take over the world after a lab accident disfigured me…Through years of hard work, I founded COBRA and began my efforts to bring the world to its knees.Tropes that desssssscribe me:Alternative Character Interpretation: I am often mocked for ordering a retreat when things go south, in-universe and by the fans, but after Serpentor's disastrous invasion of Washington DC nearly got Cobra wiped out, many fans have started to see there is more wisdom in my decisions than previously thought. Cobra has resources, but we still have limits, and we certainly cannot throw them away in a suicidal confrontation with the US military.Archnemesis Dad: To think, my own son Billy has chosen to be an ingrate and oppose my plans for world domination.Darth Vaderhas to deal with this too, so at least I'm in good company.Army of Lawyers: I have them, and they've kept me out of Blackwater Prison more than once. The Joes fear them far more than they fear my actual troops. Though giventhe caliber of soldiers I have to work with, I can't say that I blame them.Big Bad: I’m the leader of a global terrorist organization. The only way I could possibly get bigger and badder is if these MORONS learned how to follow orders for once in their pathetic lives.The Blank: When I’m wearing the metal faceplate. WHY I wear the faceplate seems to shift with the breeze, butI think we can all agreeit’s better that way.Body Horror:Lizard man with multiple eyes thanks to a lab accident.I suppose it never occurred to you people that the mask was for your benefit.Captain Ersatz:WHAT!!!I HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITHBARON ZEMO!''HE'' STOLE THE HOOD FROM ''ME''!!!Cassandra Truth: Serpentor's first plan as Cobra's leader is to invade Washington DC under the assumption that he will force the United States to surrender. I warn everyone that this is a terrible plan, but nobody listens. Sure enough, I am proven right when Cobra is driven from the city because we cannot afford such a foolhardy confrontation with US military.Catchphrase:HAIL COBRA!!!“Cobra retreat!” doesn’t count!Demoted to Dragon: Someone as great as me, having to serve under a fool likeSerpentor... NO, I'M NOT LETTING IT GO, MINDBENDER!I GOT TURNED INTO A SNAKE!!...Yes, yes, I KNOW I got my revenge, but THAT took some time.Depending on the Artist: I stick mainly to some variation on either the hood or the reflective mask. I like to have fun with the design of the mask.Dirty Coward:I AM NOT A COWAAAAARD!!!Dumbass Has a Point:I AM NOT STUPID!Regardless, when Serpentor took over, he got thebright ideato invade Washington DC, assuming the rest of America would surrender. I warned him that this was a mistake, but nobody listened. I was proven right. Not only didinvading Washington not bring about the quick victory over America that Serpentor promised, but he quickly found that Cobra lacks the manpower for a long-term occupation.Many fans have reevaluated my frequent retreats in light of Serpentor's failure highlighting that staying and fighting would cause losses Cobra cannot afford.Serpentor wasn't grateful when I rescued himafter his failed invasion, but I pointed out that he needed me alive as a scapegoat for his defeat. Otherwise, the rest of Cobra would realize he's not as perfect as he made himself out to be.Evil Sounds Deep: Well, Live-Action Movie Me at least. I normallydon'tsound like this, but I can rise to the occasion every now and then; a line like "As Stalin said, trust no one, not even yourself" is meant to be said in dulcet tones, after all. Funny story, before people heard my voice for the first time, quite a few of themimaginedme sounding likeOrson Welles.Evil Sounds Raspy: Most of the time I sound like this instead, given Chris Latta gave me one hell of aCreepy High-Pitched Voice.Multiple-Choice Past: A disgraced scientist from a secret society, a disgraced car salesman, or a jarhead at the wrong place at the wrong time. If thatpurple coated jestercan do it, why can't I?According toBattle Action Force, one of the Joes' predecessor teams battled a criminal organization called the Red Shadows, led by a fellow named Baron Ironblood. After one defeat too many, the Baron reportedly faked his death and went into hiding. Much has been made about how my debut on the national stage"seemingly from nowhere"occurred mere monthsafterthe Baron's disappearance.But I assure you this is just a coincidence.Screw the Rules, I Have Money!: What a great system! If you have enough money and you can hire the best lawyers, you can do anything you want!Smug Snake: It is not a sin to be smug, for I am the leader of Cobra after all!The Starscream: When Serpentor took over Cobra, I tried to sabotage him to regain my rightful position. I amaware ofcertain connections… even ifthey are pitiful.Took a Level in Badass: Sssssay what you will about all the timesmy incompetent underlings failed mein the original cartoons, but inG.I. Joe: ResoluteI not only turned out to have been usingObfuscating Stupidityall along, butI BLEW UPMOSCOW! No one can take that away from me!Was Once a Man: I can't believethey made a trope out of this. The Baroness eventually tried to restore me to normal, but I STILL ended up as MORE of a lizard man than I already was! I HAD THE URGE TO EAT FLIES! ...Not that I DIDN'T consider myself to have FINALLY returned, and at least I only had TWO eyes again. Finding one of my battle suits also helped.Where the Hell Is Springfield?: I once set up a secret base in a nice little town called Springfield.No, not that one. Virtually every state has a Springfield. I can set up shop in any one of them.Now that I am done here, you shall be loyal to me, you shall read thisssss page—You Fool!!! No one will read a page with so few tropes here! They'll flock to the Joes' page and make you look like an idiot in their eyes while you do nothing about it!!!NOT NOW DESTRO! But if they try, I shall— wait, you gave me an idea, Destro! I'll get my men to raid that page and deface the Joes' character folders! TROOPS! You shall make an account on this scummy website each and deface the Joes' character folders! FOR COOOOBRRRAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!COBRAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!


is standing in the alleyway by himself drinking a beer and smoking a cigaretteYep.BeatGeh?! Who are you?! Me? Well, I am NOT Dale Gribble. I am... Rusty Shackleford! That's right! Rusty... -takes a smoke- Shackleford... Huh? You're not with the government and just want to know more about me instead of Hank? Well, I have to say I am flattered... Alright fine! I am Dale Gribble but you better not be blabbing that to "the man" man! Ahem! As you know, I am one of the main characters of, how does Hank say it, "T.V.'sKing of the Hill". Man that sounds so dumb to say... Anyway, I live in the state of Arlen Texas with the best wife and son a guy could ask for! And I also live beside my friends I knew since high school: Hank, Boomhauer, and Bill. One of them is annoying but a good friend, the other I have no problems with (most of the time), and the last one, frankly, I can't really stand. Then again, nobody does.Did I tell you about my family? My wife, Nancy Gribble, is by far the best wife a man could ask for! She's definitely smarter, nicer, and WAY sexier than Hank's wife and my son Joseph is like the best at everything he does! I'm also the founder, CEO, and only employee of my extermination company: Dale's Dead Bug. And I'll have you know I'm pretty damn good at my job. However, jobs are far few in between so we must rely on Nancy's weatherperson job for the money. As you can probably tell, I love to smoke. Like a lot. Some people say someone who smokes as much as me should've died a long time ago but I have lungs of steel! Well, not really. I tried to make them steel once but the doctor said it was "Physically impossible..."I guess this is the part where I go into even more detail about myself but I won't be doing too much of that because of two things. One, my series has beenrunning since the 90sso that'll take waaaay to long and my attention span is way to short for that. And two, I'm not some informative dork like Hank who would most likely take a lot of time just discussing how "Propane is the best gas" or how he sells propane and propane accessories... But I will say that the government is a sham and aliens are real!Huh... Looks like that Doley kid and his ugly friendhave their own demonstrating page.I wouldn't think that two minor characters are worthy enough to have their own page. What? Those aren't Doley and his ugly friend? How could they not?! Just look!Hank even appears in that show of theirs!He goes by "Tom Anderson" for some reason... Must be disguising his name as well to fit into a different environment. That's probably why he gained a lot of weight and made himself look much older. Clever Hank... clever... 'Come to think of it, thatgym coachkind of sounds like him too...Here are my tropes. Sh-sh-sha!Afraid of Blood: A-Afraid?! I'm not afraid of a little...geh...blood. I just can't stand the sight of it is all...Anti-Role Model: Too late! There are already kids that smoke and do other bad things like with myself! And don't say "Hank is the perfect role model" because he's not! Just look how hetreats his own son!A lot of you do say that I tend to be this way to Joseph despite me caring for him. I'm just trying to help him prepare for eventually when the aliens decide to come back and take over the planet! Though, I, in secret, did this once in the episode "The Smoking and The Bandit" where Joseph started to hate me and I became the "Smoking Bandit" so that Joseph will have someone to look up to. I was planning to reveal to him that I was the Smoking Bandit in hopes to get him to like me again but he ended up saying ahead of time that someone like me couldn't be the bandit! Ouch... Don't worry, I resolved everything at the end all by myself! ...Fine! With a LITTLE help from Hank...Ax-Crazy: So I may be a little unhinged... Though...an axe would've been perfect to kill Hank with in that episode where he spoke bad about me!Brutal Honesty: I pull no punches on telling others how I feel about them. Hank is an annoying do-gooder who loves propane, his lawn, and his dog even more than his own family. Peggy is probably the worst human being I've ever met. Bobby is weird like "weirder than me" weird. Boomhauer, though a great friend, I can never understand him sometimes. And Bill is a pathetic, fat, disgusting, stupid, andbaldof a man who will never get another women if he tried.The Bully: Huh? You think I bully Hank way too much? Well, maybe I do but it's just fun taking advantage of a guy who seems to do right in every thing he does! Sure, he can kick my ass afterwards but most times, I get away with it!Definitely with Bill. I love to bully him as well and he, unlike Hank,doesn't fight back.Bullying a Dragon: So what bullying a guy who can definitely kick my ass is a bad idea? It's fun to take Hank down a peg when the opportunity arises! Especially since I can definitely outrun Hank!Calling Your Attacks:Like a certain "anime character" who looks like he dyed his hair in his own urine every day (good idea by the way), I do tend to call out attacks to act dramatic. One being "SQUIRREL TACTICS!" or my famous "POCKET SAND!"Cloud Cuckoolander: A lot of you say I'm crazy, but also wacky, with a dose of insane, topped with being total nuts! I must say... I agree. Also, don't try to pet your pet turtles with your finger in a wiggling motion. They will think said finger is a worm and would proceed to eat it!Combat Pragmatist: Yes! When the government is constantly watching you or you've made enemies more than a regular person should have, I've trained myself to use by any means necessary to get one over them. I even keepsand in my pocketjust in case I'm forced to confront someone.Comedic Sociopathy: Hey! It's fun watching Peggy Hill squirm! Why you think I enjoy going to her birthday parties? Becausesomething bad 'always' happens at them!Conspiracy Theorist: Of course! However, unlike those OTHER Conspiracy Theorists that are always spouting nonsense, I on the other hand am right every single time! The government is not to be trusted as they are constantly watching everything we do! Even in the bathrooms! And not to mention aliens are in fact real! Joseph is a good example of this! How else he could be my son despite having a different hair and skin color from yours truly?Cool Shades: -adjusts his shades- You damn right they're cool. Better than Hank's dorky frames!Dead Person Impersonation: I took on the alias "Rusty Shackleford" after the real one died years ago. Or so I thought! Turns out he was still alive and was out for blood! I'm still using his name here so don't tell him I'm doing it or else...Dirty Coward: Of course! Covering oneself in dirt and then fleeing is an effective way to escape from threats. Especially if said threat is bigger and stronger than you and even if it means leaving your friends behind. Survival of the fittist... survival of the fittest...Disproportionate Retribution: A lot of you say that it's "taking it too far" to try and kill Hank with a forklift for talking bad about me. So what? He talked bad about me and he must be punished! Plus, I've done worse...Doting Parent: You've seen my son Joseph? He's so awesome at everything he does! The best son a father could ask for even if his true dad is an alien!Good Parents: Damn right! I love my son Joseph even if he's part alien and Nancy always treat him well. Unlike Hank who barely is man enough to even show open affection for his own son. And I also like Joseph for what he is. Not constantly trying to push him to doing something he doesn't want to do unlike with Hank!Gun Nut: Guns are awesome! I have guns of many different shapes and sizes and I keep them everywhere in the house despite Nancy's constant nags! I also happen to be the leader of the Gun Club and one of the best damn shooters around!Everyone Has Standards: Would you believe me when I say that Hank once lost his faith in someone over a damn handshake? I called him "crazy!" for that. And don't get me started when Peggy was threatening others with that damn paddle. I had to take that thing because she's freaking crazy! She even almost beat my own son and I rightfully called her a bully. See, when I bully Hank, it's never really physical (of course he can kick my ass) but when others do it, it's always physical!Foil: Me and Hank, you could say, are foils to each other. Also, that reminds me to buy more aluminum foil for my mind-control prevention hats...I'll admit, Hank is a well put together guy than me. He has the muscles, the tools (which I love to take sometimes), ha-MORE hair...while me I'm thin, don't have enough tools, and I only get offers for my services every now and again with us relying on Nancy's weather job.Hank is also more level-headed and rational while I'm, well, crazy and irrational. At times mind you!Hank always fixes problems. I always cause them.However, there are things I'm better at than Hank! While he does have a stronger body, I'm waaay more athletic than his beer-belly ass! I also have a better family than him, better friends, and more abilities that he wishes he could have!The Friend Nobody Likes: Yeah, yeah! I know, I know! Blah blah blah Dale's a bad friend! Blah blah blah People shouldn't hang around him. Blah blah blah!Gratuitous Russian: Yep! I can speak other languages as well but I'm pretty fluent in speaking Russian! Ahem! Хэнк - раздражающий фанат пропана, и Билл противен мне и почти всем остальным. Translation: Hank is an annoying propane fanatic and Bill disgusts me and pretty much everyone else.Happily Married: Nancy is the best wife a man could possibly ask for! She's drop-dead gorgeous, caring, and does her best to support my ideas even when she doesn't understand them. In return, I would do absolutely anything for her, and I would never even DREAM of cheating on her, just like I know she would never cheat on me.Hero-Worshipper: For the most part, the Hills are just a family of weirdos and jackasses. However, Cotton Hill on the other hand was a true American hero! This man fought for our country losing both of his shins and, even better, hates Peggy just as much as I do! Not to mention how he treats Hank is hilarous! It's a damn shame he died. I'm glad I was able to carry out his last wish by destroying Hank's stupid shed. May he rest in peace...Heterosexual Life-Partners: Not me and Hank and Bill. We're often thatother termbut definitely with me and Boomhauer and John Redcorn. John Redcorn, I'll admit, was pretty distant and found it akward to be around me for some reason but after apologizing for my race taking his race's land, we've been even more close than usual! He even let me join his band!Huh? You think me and Octavio is this as well? Oh no no no! He's just more of a "business partner."Jerkass: -breathes in a cigarette and blows out- Your point?Jerkass Ball: I'm a jerk to pretty much everyone but my family so if I'm a jerk to them, then I guess I did held this "trope." Most notably in the episode where I was forced to work in some boring office job where I had the thrill of firing people up and downwithout giving a damn about what personal problems they have!I even threathened to fire Nancy and Joseph from our family... Damn I felt bad for doing that but that was just the stress talking...Jerkass Has a Point: Yes, I know I am a "jerk" but even you, "Tropers", have to agree with me that Peggy Hill is a terrible human being that Hank should just divorce her! Sure, maybe saying she's a "terrible human being" may be going far but she's definitely annoying. Like "more annoying than Hank constantly talking about propane" annoying.Also, like I said above, Hank's constant talk about propane is enough to make me crazy! Er, crazier...Also, also! Bill is pathetic isn't he? Bald, lazy, always trying to steal Peggy away from Hank...I can go on and on about Bill being the worst guy around but I have a gun club meeting in a bit.Jerk with a Heart of Gold: I can be an unplesant person to be around. This I will admit. However, I am more capable of showing love for my family unlike a certain propane fanatic. Speaking of said propane fanatic, sure I love to bully him around but I'll admit, he's the most dependable person I can count of if something should happen to me.Lean and Mean: Hey! I'm not THAT skinny am I? Well, I guess compared to Hank's muscular body with a beer belly, Bills fatty fat body, and Boomhauer's, well, average body, I guess I am "lean." The mean part though, yeah, that I can understand.Master Actor: The Deaf Cable Repairman is just one of the many brilliant alter-egos I have devised to stay under the radar, and nobody else is any the wiser.Men Are Uncultured: Hardly! I'm more well-rounded when it comes to hobbies than anyone I know. Unlike that stick-in-the-mud Hank, I am perfectly comfortable baking desserts, coaching actors, watching dinner theater, dancing, yoga, and writing children’s storybooks. I am also quite fond of dress-up and building clubhouses.My God, What Have I Done?: I'll admit. Pretending to act like a terrible husband toward Nancy was not one of my best moments. Especially since she thought I really meant the terrible things I've said to her and almost divorced me! Fortunately, I was able to win her back.No Celebrities Were Harmed: Plenty of people tell me that my appearance and demeanor reminds them ofHunter S. ThompsonandWilliam S. Burroughs, and that my voice sounds just likeRobert Patrick. It's a mixed blessing; while this can draw unneeded attention, the fact that I resemble so many people is probably why I can slip into and out of my many alter-egos with such ease.Pet the Dog: Ew! I don't want to pet Hank's filthy dog! Oh, that's not what you meant? Oh, well yeah despite my status, I am capable of showing niceness toward others. I'm not THAT heartless...My treatment of Joseph is far better than Hank's treatment of Bobby. That's for sure!Speaking of Hank, me and him have are differences and if you're reading my page to this point, you can say I don't like him very much. However, Hank is very dependable and I can always count on him I'll admit. Even when I thought Hank was dying from a bullet wound, I promised to him that I'll keep Bill away from Peggy despite me hating her with a burning passion! See! I am a good friend! Just not all the time...Also for Bill, I may can't stand his guts but I still care for the guy. When I thought he died in a tank explosion, I actually cried. Yes, I cried! And the cause wasn't pesticide in my eyes for once! And when Bill (somehow) survived, I was relieved he was okay.Rated M for Manly: The only thing my friends and I have in common is our manly interests in sports, cars, craftsmanship, fishing, and in fact I am a better marksman than anyone I know, especially Hank. My passion in life is to kill things with as many weapons as possible.Right-Wing Militia Fanatic: Hey, just because I love guns and hate the federal government, that doesn’t mean I'm some kind of political extremist! Hell, I don't even vote!The Rival: Just because Hank is my quote unquote "Best Friend" doesn't stop me from trying to best him at something! Even if I don't win said contest, if I've scored or placed higher than Hank, then that's a win for me!Smoking Is Cool: You damn right it is! I've been smoking all my life since the third grade! Like with my hat, I also smoke in the middle of taking a shower.Smoking Is Not Cool: Though, I have admitted there were times my smoking got me and others into trouble. Like the episode where Joseph looked up to my alter-ego the Smoking Bandit but forall of the wrong reasons..Took a Level in Kindness: A lot of you say that I've gotten a lot more laid-back as the series goes on especially during the last parts of it. I'll admit, after rekindling my marriage with Nancy and forming a deeper bond with Joseph, I just feel so damn good about life lately!Toxic Friend Influence: Well, duh. I'm an exterminator! I use toxins for a living! Oh. You mean the type of friend that others shouldn't hang with because they're a bad influnce and will often betray or ditch you when you need them the most? Yeah. That sounds like me alright.Trademark Favorite Food: Like the others, beer. I will NOT give it up for anything! Stupid tea...Verbal Tic: I do often say "Geh!" whenever something surprises me.Vitriolic Best Buds: -smokes- You can say this is my status with pretty much everyone I know besides John Redcorn and my family of course. At lot of you will say that me and Hank are one of the best examples of this. Me and Bill often get on each others nerves as well.Why Did It Have to Be Snakes?: Snakes?! I'm not afraid of any snakes! Haven't you watched the episode where I KILLED a bunch of them! What? Just a worse fear in general that doesn't have to be snakes? I don't know what you're talking about! I'm not afraid of anything.Is shown a puppet.AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!And with that, I bid you farewell! Remember, you've been talking with Rusty Shackleford, not Dale Gribble! -sees a car pull up and the real Rusty Shackleford comes out- GEH! SQUIRREL TACTICS!climbs up a treeAlternative Title(s):King Of The Hill Dale Gribble