Me as the Metalbending Police ChiefMe in my elderly yearsJdhfisk iduckakrk iskfjfi7=h ififjjxjjd jdh j jsjcl wlldpspw p. Jfjfjosob I od0b ajchy bdj pooh HD idoosv q7r 9 rjdklfg.Lqlapaqa jflgpjeb kdkckekkwkdjf. Fjfjeldnf b kaldickwmamchcu vnc jrjfjk 847 ldb 4 jf yd kdk llwlb kxnn jdjajps Lqlapaqahdnn kdkwplwldnnxnankei kdnfjrjsjdjfkjfkdkrjfkskekfjjfjfjr. Ijdjsh jdirjj.noteJohnny Cage:You know, sweetie, maybe you should let me do this for ya.Alright, I got someone to take over the typing bit. I was starting to worry you'd actually make me do the whole page.So anyway.You cannot be serious.You just can't. You givea falcon-themed race car driverhis own, you givea sociopathic little boyhis own, you even givean evil talking monkeyhis own, and yet it took you this much time to give me my own Self-Demonstrating page on TV Tropes?!I'm shocked, I tell you. Shocked!!Sigh. Anyway, introduction time. I'm Toph Beifong, one of the many female characters on the hit animated series,Avatar: The Last Airbender. If you don't know what happens in it, I'll tell you. Ahem...it mainly takes place in a world where most of the people have developed the incredible skill of bending, which enables us to combine our fighting styles and spiritual energy together to control the legendary four elements:water,earth,fire, andair. Together many people and benders alike made nations that fit their respective element. They are, in this order;the Water Tribe,the Earth Kingdom,the Fire Nation, andthe Air Nomads. A long time ago, all four of these nations lived together in peace and harmony. But sadly everything changed for the worse when the Fire Nation attacked. Only the Avatar, the only one able to master all four of the elements, could take care of them. Unfortunately for all of us, when the world needed him most, he just vanished, and we were just left to be sitting ducks. Because of this, a massive war took all the peace and strangled it like it was just a mere throat in the millions of people that we lost fighting it. The biggest casualty has to have been the Air Nomads, since Fire Lord Sozin launched an attackthat left the Nomads a little worse for the wear.About a hundred years of this war has been going on, and many fear that the Avatar's cycle of reincarnation was broken. But one day, Katara and Sokka, two Water Tribe siblings, found the new Avatar; an airbender, and by extension, the last airbender. The airbender's name is Aang, and while he is an amazing airbender, he has to learn the other elements before he can save the world. Now that you're caught on what the show is about, now it's time to tell you who I am. I'm a young girl who is one of the members of Team Avatar, a group of young heroes that have dedicated their summer, and by extension, their lives, to save the world from the clutches of the evil Fire Nation's rule. I'm Aang's earthbending teacher, as well as the team's only earthbender. Here's a description of who I am in just one little sentence:I am the greatest earthbender in the world!!I know that sounds egocentric at first, but trust me, I can prove it in about a second. Anyway, if you want my life story, you're gonna hafta either watch the show or read on. I'll be honest, I got a lot done with Aang and his friends. I held my own in battle, wriggled my toes in the grass (which might have been fur), heck, I even invented metalbending, which no one in the entire world had done. So yeah, I am an invaluable part of Team Avatar, and if it wasn't for me, Aang would've never learned earthbending, the world would've been doomed, and I wouldn't have had the chance to show the world what I'm made of.Anyway, I'm mainly voiced by the cute babyfaced little girl named Jessie Flower, which kinda contrasts with my rough and tumble exterior. I suggest you read all of this in her voice, since her voice is pretty much mine. Okay okay, Iwould eventually be voicedbyKate HigginsandPhilece Sampler(Rest well in the Spirit World Philece) in the sequel series, if you prefer me being bash as an adult that is. And once you're done, earthbend as far away from here as possible.Your life will be ruined if you don't.And for crying out loud,please forget aboutthe movie. Just watch the show. We all know how much of a trainwreck that was. I'm just glad I wasn't in it.Everything about meAchilles' Heel: ...okay, so maybe I'm very reliant on my"tremor sense"to function. Unfortunately, while it's very useful, it's not foolproof, and has a few holes.First off, I can't sense anything if it's in water or in the air. As such, I can't swim and I'm extremely vulnerable to aerial attacks. I guess I should be lucky that there weren't any airbenders besides Aang in the past 100 years, or else I really would've been helpless.Secondly, standing on anything other than solid earth will affect my "vision," making me weaker or helpless depending on circumstances. When I stood on wood, I had to hold Aang's arm while walking.Finally,taking out my footing or injuring my feetwill leave meactually blinduntil I get better.Affirmative Action Girl: I'm the second girl in the second season, so yeah.Agony of the Feet: I can walk barefoot on any surface no problem, but try giving me a foot massage and Iwillthrow you across the room. There's also that time I accidentally stepped on fire, but whowouldn'tthat hurt?Arrogant Kung-Fu Guy: Well, Girl:Yes,yes,and yes. I'm ablind girlthatmakes it known that I'mthe greatest earthbender in the world whenever I get the chance.And I've got the skills to prove it.I've participated in anundergroundfighting tournament and instantly became its champion, repeatedly got into fights with huge guys with arms larger than I am just tocurbstomp themseconds later, createdmetalbending, and I overall live and breathe this trope. When I found out that the Ember Island Players' play chronicling our adventures was portraying me as a burly man who sees by screaming, I was ecstatic.Badass Adorable: On the outside, you usually see a cute little girl. On the inside, you see one of the strongest earthbenders in the world between Xin Fu, who ran Earth Rumble VI, and King Bumi, who can earthbend with his face.Badass Boast: I called myself "the greatest earthbender in the world" after I metalbended out of an inescapable cage. My captors were horrified, and rightfully so.Badass Teacher: Who taught Aang earthbending?Badbutt: I'm a tiny blind girl who acts like a pro wrestler within the bounds of a kid's show.Beyond the Impossible: I inventedmetalbending, something that was stated to be impossible for many earthbenders to do so.The Big Gal: Yes! Well, you don't see it physically, you see it through my personality and my earthbending skills. The Ember Island Players' play made fun of this since an actual big guy played me in the play they made about our adventures.Bizarre Alien Senses: My ability to "see" using earthbending counts as this, as the closest thing to it in your world could be snakes or elephant's ability to detect low-frequency sounds through the ground.Black Comedy: I have absolutely no problem using my blindness for a laugh or two or to make a point.Black Magician Girl: I happen to be a twelve-year-old girl andsnarking goddesswho dealsmountainsof damageto villains. I also love dealing out a good offensive smackdown using my earthbending.Blind Mistake:...(sigh)It happened during the Serpent's Pass incident. While I was struggling in the water after the Serpent smashed Katara's ice bridge, I mistook Suki for Sokka after she saved me and kissed her on the cheek. I've been trying to forget about it ever since.While we were looking for Appa, I tried to prove I can put up missing posters of Appa despite my blindness...and I ended up putting one of them upside down, so, yeah, fail.noteSokka:Does anyone wants to tell her she actually glued the poster's content right onto the wall...(Sokka sees the rest of the Gaang run for it)OH COME GUYS! Don't leave me with her!When Sokka tried to challenge Zuko to a sword duel, I held up a poster cheering for Zuko, upside down.The Duke noticed and fixed it.Blind Weaponmaster: I'm a blindearthbendingmaster.Blue Blood: Okay, there only was one upside to my family: they're a well-known family, complete with a family crest. I'm usually not one to brag about it, but my aristocratic background has come in handy on a few occasions.Boisterous Bruiser: "Yeah! Let's break some rules!" SMASH!Break the Haughty: I admit I was a bit of aspoiled little piece of workwith amassive sense of entitlementwhen I first joined Aang, Katara, and Sokka. After being told by Zuko's uncle Iroh that good friends help one another out, I started to grow out of it, but it wasn't until I failed to protect Appa from being kidnapped by sandbenders that humility really became an important virtue for me.Bruiser with a Soft Center: I show affection by punching people.Brilliant, but Lazy: When the team needed to infiltrate high society, I said that Aang and Sokka would stick out like sore thumbs. When they pointed out that I was the biggest slob in the group, I fired back that I was alonely girlwhose parentsforced me to act cultured, I justchosenot to.Brutal Honesty: I'm often brutally honest when criticizing others, especially my friends. In fact, I'm very honest about my opinions on others regardless of status (in this case, the Avatar, Aang) or age (in this case, Zuko's uncle, Iroh).Child Prodigy: I'm one of the youngest benders you get to see, yet I'm already one of the most powerful not-the-Avatar earthbenders. Also, I invented metalbending on the fly when I was captured, which was believed to be an impossible skill. And by the time Sozin's Comet came knocking, I'm able to sandbend, despite saying that I hated sand when we were in the desert. Eat your heart out,Anakin Skywalker.Cool Crown: Sometime after Fire Lord Ozai's defeat, I switched out my headband for a green tiara. It reflects my new position as head of the Beifong Metalbending Academy.Curb-Stomp Battle:The second I show up,I deliver one of these to the group of professional earthbenders in Earth Rumble VI.Also, Team Avatar, which includes me, easily decimated the palace guards on our way to find the Earth King.Cute Bruiser: I'm the shortest of all of Team Avatar, yet I manage to dole out the most butt-kicking of all of them.Dig Attack: I can do this: since I "see" through vibrations in the ground, I know where the enemy is even underground.Disability Superpower: Although blindness isn't really a requisite for an earthbender to use my method of "seeing", it did lead me to focus my senses to an unprecedented degree, allowing me to see things approaching or beneath me in great detail and leading to my invention of metalbending.Deadpan Snarker: Along withDisabled Snarker. Some of the show's best lines are from me, especially when I'm talking trash to my opponents. For instance:Me (to Bumi):Look, Pops, just because you're as old as dirt doesn't mean you know how to bend it.Disabled Snarker: Mostly at Sokka's expense.Dishing Out Dirt: Uh, hello, earthbender?Does Not Like Shoes:I have a reason for that. Because I'm blind, my bare feet are the strongest connection I have to the world. Anything that's not solid ground (or even moderate bandaging) dampens my "vision". I made sure to prove it too; whenever I'm asleep, I have my feet out of contact with the ground as the equivalent of"closing my eyes."◊Drill Sergeant Nasty: During Aang's earthbending training, I was tough, critical, and I used methods like "hold still while a large boulder rolls its way towards you". Eventually I lightened up on him after I butted heads with Katara.Dude Magnet: Well, there was Satoru when we went to that refinery who took an almost-instant liking to me. Then, there's the two guys who fathered my daughters, one's name being Kanto.Evil Laugh: I let out an amazing maniacal laugh when I was acting as the Melon Lord. I loved every single second of it!Extra-ore-dinary: How many times do I have to mention that I invented metalbending?The Face: I'm the youngest member of Team Avatar, and yet I'm the one with the most social savvy, due to being raised by rich socialites. Technically, it should be Aang, since he's the Avatar and not me, but I'm usually the one doing the talking.Foil:I'm sort of this to Mai. Both of us were raised by very fancy families that suppressed them, what with my parents overprotecting me because of my blindness and Mai's parents keeping her well-behaved so she didn't jeopardize her dad's political career. I responded by defying my parents, acting out, and really enjoying my earthbending, whereas Mai obeyed them, becoming very insular and apathetic to almost everything.Sometimes, I'm this to Aang. Our upbringings are quite different, as Monk Gyatso believed in letting Aang be a kid, while my parents forced me to learn tradition and propriety. As a result, I start to wonder if Aang's trying to hold onto his past, while Aang wonders if I'm trying too hard to run away from my past.Friendless Background: Due to being sheltered from the outside world by my EXTREMELY overprotective parents, I never made a friend before meeting Aang, Katara, and Sokka. Me becoming part of Team Avatar was important to me changing for the better. The only friends I had were badgermoles.Forgot the Disability: The rest of the group (especially Sokka) tends to forget about me being blind, leading tomany of my legendary one-liners.Sokka:It's so dark in here, I can't see a thing!Me:Oh no, what a nightmare!Sokka: Sorry.It didn't happen when Sozin's Comet arrived, when Sokka, Suki and I took over a Fire Nation airship:Me:That's agreatidea, let theblind girlsteer the giant airship.Sokka:I was talking to Suki.Me:That...would make a lot more sense.On one adventure it happenedtwice:Sokka:Toph, when I was in town, I found something that you're not gonna like. [holds up wanted poster for Toph]Me:Well, itsoundslike a sheet of paper, but I'm guessing you're referring to what'sonthe sheet of paper.LaterKatara:What's this? [holds up the same poster]Me:Idon'tknow!I meanseriously, what's with you people? I'mblind!Have a look-see already...Oh, wait!The Gadfly: I love to use my blindness to mess with the rest of the group, such as saying that Sokka's poorly drawn picture of Appa looks just like him, or shouting that I've spotted Wan Shi Tong's Library while we were flying on Appa's back.Me:There it is![everyone scans in the direction I'm pointing, and one by one, silently glare at me]Me:... that's what it'll sound like when one of you spots it.[I put on a big, dopey grin and wave one of my hands back and forth over my eyes]Girl of My Dreams: Not that Aang had a crush on me, but he saw me in a vision before ever having met me. When Aang, Katara, and Sokka did run into me a short time later, Aang was positively convinced that I, and no one else, was destined to be his earthbending teacher.And he was absolutely right.Good is Not Nice: I may be just as heroic, brave, and self-sacrificing as any other member of the team, but I'm still a bit of a jerk who rarely opens up to anybody.Handicapped Badass: I'm blind, but I can "see" by sensing vibrations with my feet.Has a Type: All of my crushes andlove interestsare decent guys.Hidden Depths: When Katara and I went on a girls' day out, it was made rather clear that for all of my claims of not caring what others think of my looks, I'm actually quite hurt by such rejection.Hot-Blooded: There's areasonwhy the Ember Island Players chose to portray me the way they did."I am not Toph! I am MELON LORD!MUAHAHAHA!" Oh, that feels good!Inferiority Superiority Complex: It's a mild case, and it's kept in the background for the most part. It's most evident during me and Katara's "girl's day out" and whenever my feet are shot.Intergenerational Friendship: I kinda have this with Zuko's uncle Iroh, but hey, it'sIroh.Jerkass Has a Point: As rude as I am, I can be right at times:When we were all arguing due to exhaustion, I was the first to point out that Appa's shedding was the reason why Azula and those girls were able to keep following us and thus why we couldn't sleep, but I admit I took it too far by blaming Appa, though that could also be due to being tired. We were all at each other's throats that day.I also called out Aang, Katara, and Sokka on letting their personal experiences with Zuko keep Aang from finding a firebending master quite bluntly, despite me pointing out that he was being sincere to us and he has done some good, like rescuing Appa. That especially was rather astounding, because I never really cared about these things when I met them, but later on, I saw the bigger picture. How's that for being blind?Me:You're all forgetting one crucial fact: Aang needs a firebending teacher! We can't think of a single person in the world to do the job. Now one shows up on a silver platter, and you won't even think about it!? I'm beginning to wonder who's really the blind one around here.Jerk with a Heart of Gold: Despite my tough exterior, I'm not above warming up during intimate moments, as evidenced when I join in group hugs with Team Avatar and hold hands with Aang at the prospect of friendships lasting more than one lifetime.The Lad-ette: The musclebound, belching, spitting hulk that was in the play near the end of the story? That's me on the inside.Large Ham: I'm a rare little girl variant. Play it once more:"I am not Toph! I am MELON LORD!Muahahaha!"Lessons in Sophistication: Surprisingly, I can pull this off. I was born into Earth Kingdom High society, so I know how to act like aproper lady, I just choose not to. I'm able to help clean up Katara for a palace party hosted by the Earth King but I don't even attempt with Sokka and Aang. They're that hopeless. Call it rude if you want.Little Miss Badass: I'm only twelve (and so is Aang physically for that matter), but I'm one of the most kick-butt characters in the entire series.Little Miss Con Artist: Yeah, I did this at one point. We all like to call it the Runaway story. When Sokka, Aang, and I went to town for some fun, we decided to get money by exploiting people's notion that since I'm blind I'm no threat. Katara warned us that it would end up blowing up in our face eventually...and she was unfortunately right.Living Lie Detector: I can do this through my seismic sense, although some characters do get away with lying on some occasions. More specifically, I seem to be unable to detect the falsehoods of sociopathic or pathological liars, who can say the most ludicrous or subtle lie without it having any kind of effect on their physiology for me to pick up on at all. Take Azula for example.Logical Weakness: Even with myseismic sense, I do have some weaknesses compared to everyone else in Team Avatar.I'm completely blind if I'm standing on anything that isn't solid earth. If I get lifted off the ground, or walk on ice, or get thrown into water, I can't see.While I did learn how to bend metal, like all the other earthbenders, I can't bend wood. I got a hard reminder of this when Combustion Man paid some people to throw me in a wooden cell. Though I have to wonder how he knew about my skills.I can't do anything that involves actually needing to see with eyes. So writing or putting up posters is an instant fail.Lonely Rich Kid: Yeah, and I dealt with it by joining an underground fighting tournament and mopping the floor with anyone who challenged me.Meaningful Name: My name's this to a certain extent, since it's kanji. In the adventure with the Serpent's Pass, the name on my passport reads 拓芙 "supported lotus", which hardly describes me at all, but matches my parents' view of me being delicate and helpless. Averted in me and Katara's "Girl's day out" where the spelling of my name temporarily changed to 托夫 "entrusted man", before going back to 拓芙 when we met the Earth King.Muscles Are Meaningless: In my case, this relates specifically to my earthbending. I'm clearly very strong for my size and age, often hurting my own teammates, no pushovers themselves, with playful punches. However, situations where I don't have it tend to emphasize my helplessness. This is partly because it takes away theDisability Superpowerthat allows me to bypass my blindness, but I never demonstrate superior martial arts skills when not aided by my earthbending.Never Learned to Read: I have a reason for that. I'm blind in a worldwithout what you readers call "Braille". As such,Sokka's plan to forge a letter from me to help me reconcile with Katara falls flat. I don't know what he was thinking. And he's supposed to bethe brains of Team Avatar!Never Mess with Granny: I eventually have grandkids around the time of Korra and I'm still a force to be reckoned with.The Nicknamer: I call Aang "Twinkle Toes", as he'sverylight on his feet, with his being an airbender and all (well, compared to the powerful, deliberate stomps of a master earthbender like me, anyway).No Hero to His Valet: One of my defining characteristics is that I don't give Aang special treatment even though he's the Avatar. He may be the student, but I treat him like an equal and friend, to the point where I never fail to vocally criticize Aang to his face when I think it's needed.Not Hyperbole: When I say that I'm the greatest earthbender in the world, you better believe I can back that up. I'm the girl who duelled King Bumi, who literally had a hundred years of experience on him, and can earthbend with his face, and I fought him to a draw! At age 12! Even earlier, I figured out how to turn over a major weakness of earthbending by figuring outmetalbending, which no one in history had done before.When the new Avatar, Korra, took over,this claimstillapplies. Even when there's earthbenders like Lin, Ghazan, and Kuvira.Obfuscating Disability: While my eyes honestly do not work, I occasionally hide my earthbending-linked tremor sense to play up the appearance of a helpless blind little girl. Again, remember the Runaway story.Odd Friendship: Well, like everyone else, I met some rather unusual people, but we're all good friends nevertheless.Overly Narrow Superlative: In the North and South fiasco, I proudly called the Beifong Metalbending Academy as "the most prestigious metalbending school in the world". One of the lily-liver—my students pointed out we're pretty much theonlymetalbending school but I saw it as kind of the point since we do something that used to be considered impossible until I learned how to do it.The Pig-Pen: I'm a mild case. Even though I avoid almost all and any personal hygiene, especially where my feet are concerned, I don't look it unless someone else sees it. I also mention that Ipick my nose a lot...and my toes. Twice. It felt great, ok?Parents as People: Okay, somaybeI wasn't the best mother to either of my daughters, but what would you expect from someone whose own parents tried to keep her sheltered her whole life because she just so happened to be blind?(sigh)Maybe I should've done the exact opposite of what my parents did, but nothing I say can justify not being a good enough parent. Hopefully, Zuko's doing better in the parenting position than I am.Pint-Sized Powerhouse:I'm absolutely tiny being a little over 4 feet tall, but my only non-Avatar rival in earthbending is King Bumi.And it's not like I lost that status when you first saw old me. Ha ha ha. Can't always be standing up at that age.Power Levels: Personally, I consider myself the strongest bender in the group, though obviously I'm not counting Aang when he enters the Avatar State, and when you think about it, we're all pretty strong benders.Rebellious Princess: I'm not actually royalty, but close enough. I rebelled against my parents because of how they stifled my freedom due to their overprotectiveness.Recruited from the Gutter: It'skinda flip-flopped.Yours truly, thespoiled little rich girl, was recruited by the pacifistic monk and his two near-penniless sidekicks. However, I very much liveas ifI'm in the gutter, pretty much because I wasn't able to.Red Oni, Blue Oni: I'm the snarky, blunt red to Katara's demure, caring blue.Reflectionless Useless Eyes: I have these to show I'm blind.Sad Clown:I, next to Zuko, when all is said and done, have more baggage than a cargo ship: I was always treated as a fragile thing by my parents, ran away from home after they said they'd be even more strict about protecting me (even after I showed first-hand that I was already one of the best earthbenders in the world at TWELVE), is legitimately torn over how I must have broken my parents' hearts and made them worry as a result, felt responsible for Appa having been kidnapped, and was actually terribly insecure about my blindness (despite acting like it's a non-issue normally). Outwardly, I seem like a total snark-bender who doesn't really care about anything, save for my friends.Sadistic Choice: I was forced to choose between saving Appa from Sandbenders or saving the rest of the Gaang from a building that was being pulled into the Spirit World. I tried toTake a Third Option, but I wasn't to see very well due to the sand being very fuzzy. I wasn't very good at sandbending at the time, OK?Screw the Rules, I Have Money!: As a member of a powerful merchant family, I flashed my gold-bordered passport and made up something about "valets" and a "seeing-eye lemur" to get entry passes to Ba Sing Se for myself and the rest of the group from a humorless border official. Unfortunately, it doesn't work as well when I later tried to bluff my way into the Earth King's party without invitations. All the damage we did beforehand didn't help either.Sent Into Hiding: I was this until meeting Aang. My overprotective parents kept me locked inside the grounds of their home (although I was able to sneak out to work as the Blind Bandit).She Cleans Up Nicely: Almost immediately you see the rough wrestler become a well-dressed lady when you first see me.Sheltered Aristocrat: I was raised to be this due to my blindness, but over the years I became much less sheltered thanks to figuring out how to leave the grounds in secret and learning how to earthbend.Single Woman Seeks Good Man: All of my love interests happened to benice guys.I did have a huge crush onSokka. If it wasn't for him currently dating Suki, after Ozai went down and the war was over, I'd have probably kissed him until our lungs gave out.That adventure at the Refinery had me show a bit of interest in Satoru, who considers me his hero; needless to say, his praising of me pretty much broke the mold.When Korra came to town, I revealed the identity Lin's father — Kanto, who I deemed a "nice man", but our relationship didn't work out for reasons unknown.Sour Supporter: Sometimes. I often vocally express my doubt about our game plans, but I will help my buddies out no matter what.Street Smart: That's part of why I'm theTeam Faceand not Aang, even though he's the Avatar: I know how to take advantage of street situations. And it's more than just the street. At the custom official and for the Earth King's party I was the one doing almost all the talking.Tailor-Made Prison: When I got trapped in a steel cage, Xin Fu was convinced that I couldn't escape because I wasn't able to bend metal. Turns out that it did help me, and Imade metalbending happen.However, when I was put in a wooden cell, this time I really couldn't escape on my own, since wood isn't a bendable substance. Maybe one day, plantbending will become a thing.Tiny Tyrannical Girl: To quote this "Dr. Eggman" guy, "I've always enjoyed telling people what to do."noteDr. Eggman:Ah, that's the spirit! (Licensing fees, please.)Me:Sure... I'll pay you if you... look there!Dr. Eggman:Huh?(he sees that I already escaped from him via earthbending)Dr. Eggman: I HATE THAT EARTHBENDING SCAMMER!Tomboy and Girly Girl: Katara's a full-blownbutt-kicker like me, but her role as thesurrogate momand hermeans of fighting tacticsmeant that she often clashed with my morelaid-back, "I'm just one of the other burly men" ways.Tomboy with a Girly Streak: I kick butt and don't take nothing from nobody, but I do know high society manners and I actually enjoyed my spa day with Katara. Well, except for the feet part.Took a Level in Badass: I was already a Master earthbender when Aang met me. I could take on most any earthbender, save Bumi, and win easily. How do I become even more awesome? By developing metalbending, something no one in the history of the world had done before.And yes,in the future, I simply kicked Korra's butt without needing to use any hand motions. And don't think airbending is going to fool me anymore. I can easily dodge those air blasts.Tsundere: I show affection for someone by punching their arm. I'm usually at my softest around Sokka but only at certain times, like I missed him but I didn't wanna admit it. Wait...oh, come on!The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny:I was once paired upagainst that emo sandbender namedGaara.I won, for none shall ever challenge the Greatest Earthbender in the world and live to tell the tale!Mwahahahahahaha!noteBoomstick: No. Actually, you should have lost Toph.Me:What? Don't be silly. He can't touch me at all.Boomstick: He actually could after we found out about his skills. You were actually too slow to make use of your seismic sense to make up for the speed difference.Waif-Fu: Uh, not really. It does look like I have superhuman physical strength, but I'm really just using earthbending to lift things around me. When using only my own physical strength I'm actually quite weak, as shown when trying to lift a large metal mallet. I still pulled it off though.The Watson: It's not so much in personality - I actually tend to be the most knowledgeable of our gang (well, next to Aang, who has a hundred years of knowledge behind him, and Sokka, who'sthe brainsof our scrappy little group), who are allcountry mice- but my blindness means other characters will read stuff (all in Chinese or Japanese characters)out loudto me, and thus, you guys."Well Done, Daughter!" Girl: I have a case of this, though unlike Zuko, it's more of trying to get my father to accept me for who I am as opposed to trying to please him.The Worf Effect:My tremor-sense isn't limited to what's in front of me, goes right through cover, and has a range of over a hundred meters, so as long as I'm part of the Gaang,no-one cansneak up on us.I pulled this off fortwenty-six days,(in fact it's how we found the Western Air Temple) but theinstantI got myfeet burnt, Combustion Man showed up and started blowing everything to rubble.When we went to Wan Shi Tong's library, the desert sand puts me at a relative disadvantage, as the looseness of it messes with the vibrations in the ground and blurs my vision. This ends up contributing to myfailure to protect Appa from being caught by the sandbenders. I was already struggling to defend Appa because I also had to concentrate on keeping the library from sinking into the ground, but even when I tried to attack the sandbenders, my aim was slightly off due to the shiftiness of the sand. Eventually, I realized I had to cut my losses and put all of my effort into holding up the library, sadly allowing for Appa's capture.I've hated looking back on that ever since, and now that my sandbending has improved since, history will most certainly not be repeating itself!Yamato Nadeshiko: I can fake it perfectly, as when I show up in a white dress in my parents' home - except I really, really,reallydon't like it. Before leaving home I moonlight that as a pro wrestler, and once I'm free of my parents' supervision and can act the way I want to, I prove to be very crude, aggressive, and unladylike indeed. Remind me why exactly you were glad that there was another girl in the group, Katara?You Called Me "X"; It Must Be Serious:In more serious moments, I don't use nicknames.Younger Mentor, Older Disciple: I'm the youngest out of all the people to teach Aang earthbending, although he's technically older than most of his mentors anyway. However, I one-up them by being younger than Aang physically too. (He's technically 112.)I guess that would be all so...(earthbends the viewer away)


Linda Cardellini,Hayley Kiyoko, Sarah Gilman,Gina Rodriguez, orMindy Kaling.)-THUD!-Oof ow! Darn it my glasses. Where are my glasses? I can't see without them! Where did they go? No, not there, not...oh there we go.(Puts them on)Oh, Jinkies! Sorry, didn't see you there, I seemed to have stumbled into some weird room of encyclopedia knowledge apparently. Hmm, “self-demonstrating”? An odd turn of title, I guess this place wants me to talk about myself? Well, I suppose I have time, even though I was in the middle of a mystery. But we're at the point where putting a plan into motion and my friends are luring the monster and... oh I'm getting ahead of myself. Let's start from the top.Salutations, my name is Velma Dinkley and I'm part of a group known as Mystery Incorporated, though sometimes known as the Scooby Gang too named after our Great Dane mascot Scooby-Doo. The rest of our group comprises of our fearless leader Fred Jones, fashion-centric and often danger-prone Daphne Blake and our lovable coward second to Scooby, who also just happens to be his owner, Shaggy Rogers. Together we go roaming around supposedly “haunted” areas that are scaring the locals. But more often than not it's usually some criminal in a costume having taken advantage of a local legend or acting as a specter to keep people away for so reason, usually involving money. That's where our group comes in: we go into the area, look for clues and eventually trap the monster and unmask who it really is. My role is essentially to piece things together to pinpoint the culprit and the motive so that when the time comes when they're caught, I can explain who they are and why they did it. And gotta say it's immensely gratifying to do it too, save the times when it was some other matters I didn't know about but that was neither here nor there. Ehehe... heh. -Ahem- oh I likewise sometimes have to keep Shaggy and Scooby on task, usually with Scooby Snacks as bribes since the two won't work up the nerve to lure out the monsters. I do feel a little guilty putting them as bait like that, but it works with our dynamic, and, being blunt here, the two are surprisingly good at attracting them.We've been doing this for a long while, like since early elementary, at least I think so, or was it high school? Things tend to get murky when it comes to the history of how our gang was formed. Jinkies, It honestly feels like we've been doing this since the 60s era, or was it the 90s? 2000s? Well, one of ourprevious outings ended up with the time-space continuum hitting a reset, so honestly who knows? The most logical thing I can make of this is that I and the gang are still doing our mystery-solving and don't intend to stop anytime soon no matter what universal retcon hits us.Hmm? Jinkies, what's this? A list of my attributes, or “tropes”? Well, then let's see...Arbitrary Skepticism: I tend to flip-flop depending on the iteration. Sure I favor the logical point of the cases my friends and me get into, but sometimes we do tend to run into the supernatural. In early times I was more inclined to believe the fantastical things I see with my eyes. But in recent eras, I tend to dismiss things because it's just too out there to be believed. Heck at one point I out and out retconned an adventure I had about zombies I had previously, blaming it on "swamp gas".(Throws up her hands defensively)Hey I said it depended on the iteration, they're not all well explained. I just work with what's presented to me.Berserk Button: Well harming my friends obviously, but likewise insulting my intelligence or not having all the facts to a mystery when it reaches its conclusion and the case just solves itself. Likewise medieval dresses in two iterations, apparently cause I'm not a big fan of cos-playing anything from that era (something about being called a "wench"). I was forced into it in one iteration because the case was in a medieval fair and the owner wouldn't let us pass if I didn't get into it. The things I do for this profession.Beware the Nice Ones: Again I'm not one for fighting, but if my friends are in trouble, you can be sure I won't be afraid to jump in and help them. Likewise don't insult my intelligence. Even we nerds have our breaking points and I assure you, it's not pretty if we get provoked.Blind Without 'Em: Oh yes, much as I'm embarrassed to admit it, I'm very far-sighted. Can't see a thing when the glasses come off. Not exactly good when monsters lurk about but luckily they tend to trip over me when that happens. I really should consider laser eye surgery.Brainwashed and Crazy: Well sometimes, most egregiously there was that incident in Transylvania, Pennsylvania (Yes, really) where some old foes of ours tried to get back at us for stopping them. Hypnotizing me into some crazy Frankenstein-Esque scientist that nearly tried to experiment on Shaggy and Scooby. Dolling me up in this gown and even dying my hair. Crazy huh? Luckily I was snapped out of it but man did they have it out for me.Catchphrase:I know I've been saying it frequently on this page, but just to reiterate: "Jinkies!" I started saying that when I was young, to let the gang know I found clues. I guess it's stuck since then.Also, whenever I lose my glasses, I will almost always say, "My glasses! I can't see without my glasses!"Darker and Edgier: What? Dark? Me? Really?Hmm it seems therewas a comic bookwhere an apocalypse ravaged the world and we had to band together to survive. And... oh dearI was the cause of it! Jinkies!This is a little unnerving, l-let's just move on.Oh dear seems there's likewise a show where I'm the main lead and...Is...is that brains coming out of a woman's head?E-Excuse me...(She goes offscreen and we can hear retching sounds)Jinkies, that was so disgusting... I'm glad Scooby isn't in this one... Let's move on...Deadpan Snarker: What can I say? When you're dealing with cowards and criminals you tend to snark a lot.Dork in a Sweater: Well the “dork” is a bit uncalled for (seriously they had to use my picture for this too?). But yes, many would know me from my iconic trademark orange sweater. It's essentially the one thing a lot of iterations never really change.Dramatic Unmask: Something Fred and me tend to take turns doing when the culprit is caught. Gotta really emphasize their crimes after all. Plus it's fun!Endearingly Dorky: Jinkies, I mean maybe. I usually try to keep a sense of professionalism for our cases, but even I have my, as most would say, "geek outs" if we go to something I like, like exhibits, meeting famous authors, or hockey!... What? Other interests outside the norm are perfectly healthy. Besides don't knock it till you try it.Friend Versus Lover: Hmmone of my iterations had this with Shaggy, we were dating but Scooby got jealous because of the attention I was taking away from his bud. After some tension, Shaggy...-sigh- ...ultimately chose Scooby over me and we decided to beJust Friends. Don't worry I'm over it now and it's for the best for our group. But it does still sting a bit.Hollywood Homely: I guess I'm what you call “frumpy” or “mousy” or just one of those types that don't like putting myself out there. Knowledge has always been my passion after all.Insufferable Genius: Wha... HEY! Okay so I tend to flaunt my smarts a bit and...maybe get a bit cross if someone outsmarts me or a mystery doesn't pan out the way I thought it would, andmaybeI work a little too much on the logical side of things that I dismiss some supernatural elements. But I wouldn't call it insufferable. There's no crime in displaying one's intellect...until it is and I help stop it of course.Out of Focus: I was surprisingly sidelined during the late 70s/early 80s era since Shaggy and Scooby had more popularity at the time along with Scooby's nephew Scrappy (And before you say anything, no I don't have an opinion on him. I didn't hang out enough to really gauge him. Daphne would know more since she was privy to their adventures at the time. Fred apparently doesn't like to talk about it so eh. Apparentlymy movie iterationhad some experience with him but I likewise heard that wasa major exaggeration too. Again no opinion). Likewise, there was that time in the 2000swhen Shaggy and Scooby inherited their uncle's house and had to fight a supervillain?Again I was barely there for that but helped when they needed me.Playing Against Type: Would you believe at one pointIplayed the monster in a mystery?It was a mummy in this case and to help out a historical restoration group I was with to catch some grave robbers. I was surprised by how much of a fight my friends put up to “stop” me after they found out I was “turned to stone”. Both impressive and rather sweet, really.Race Lift: Most versions of me are Caucasian, with three exceptions. One version from our live-action origins is portrayed by the half-Japanese and half-CaucasianHayley Kiyoko, another from our computer-generated films is Latina, and another version from mymy self-titled seriesis South Asian.Science Hero: Some iterations paint me as being a wiz at tech and chemicals. It does come in handy when dealing with culprits.She Cleans Up Nicely: Oh hehe well, I really don't take stock of my appearance but I've been told I look cute when I wear some other getup like evening dresses or change up my hair a bit.The Smart Guy: Most definitely, as I said, I'm the one who usually pieces together the clues and the culprits' motives. I'm also not bad with puzzles and tech.Tomboy and Girly Girl: Apparently a dynamic I share with Daphne. Granted I don't really see myself as a tomboy but between the two of us, she tends to be the more fashion-minded of the two while some iterations have me like things like hockey and motorsports.Why Did It Have to Be Snakes?: One iteration had me terrified of clowns due to some jerk party clown shredding some encyclopedia I had gotten for my birthday when I was a kid (Apparently trying to help me since he thought I got a “boring” gift). So much so Shaggy and meswitched roleswith me being the coward while he was the brave one (Something about the clown monster interfering with his mini-golf game. That was one of our weirder mysteries).(Hears a ruckus in the background and cries of “Help/Relp!”)Jinkies! That's my cue! Was nice talking with you all. If you ever need any “meddling kids”, don't be afraid to give us a ring! If it has a mask and a motive, you can be sure Velma Dinkley will crack and uncover it!


(Wazzzpinator say read likeScott McNeil, orTom Kenny!)Wazzzpinator rules!(CR chambers opens, revealing Waspinator)Ohhh. Wazzpinator just get out of CR chamber. Wazzpinator keep getting squished! Why univerzzze hate Wazzpinator?Uh? Who are you?You fanzzzz of Wazzpinator?Horray! Wazzzpinator hazzz fanzzzz! Wazzzpinator feel so happy!Wazzpinator tell you story of Wazzzpinator. Wazzpzinator was made fortoyline and cartoonabout robotzzzz who turn into animalzzz! Wazzzpinator wazzz described asgreat warrior who all feared. Then Wazzzpinator get turned into punching bag! Ohhhh. Wazzpinator spendzzz most of time getting blown up or scrapped by Maximalzzz, which izzz why Wazzzpinator spend too much time in CR chamber. Wazzzpinator tell Megatron thizzz, but Megatron no listenzzzz! Ohhh. So Wazzzpinator gladWazzzpinator so loved by fanzzz!Waspinator! Get your groveling skid plate out here! The Maximals are attacking the base! Do not disobey my orders! Yessssss.Wazzpinator not going to like thizzzz. So read Wazzzpinator'zzz tropes until Wazzzpinator gets back. Probably in piecezzzz. Why Wazzpinator can't be incrozzover with Autobotz and Decepticonz meeting colorful poniez?Adaptational Badass: Inthat ozzer cartoon, Wazzzpinator wazzz not a puzzhover and wazzz genuinely menazzzing, being big, strong, and scary, andshooting lightningzzz! But Wazzzpinator here still suffered a lot! At leazzzt it wazzz actually portrayed as tragedy there.Adaptational Wimp:Wazzpinator'zzz toy, said Wazzpinatorgreat sharpzzzhotandfearedby Maximalzzzz, especially when Wazzzpinator get Transmetal form! But what docartoondo? Make Wazzzpinatorchew toy!Adapted Out: They leave Wazzzpinator out ofBeast Wars: Transformersvideo game? Why developerzzz hate Wazzpinator?Affably Evil: Wazzzpinator act likered mercenary sometimesbyBreaking the Fourth Wall!Amoral Attorney: When Megatron put Two-Head on trial for betrayal, Wazzpinator wazz Two-Head's lawyer. Wazzpinator point out that Two-Head probably going to be scrapped for working with male spider-bot to double-cross Megatron, and concluded by saying Wazzpinator down with that. Megatron even praizze Wazzpinator for eloquent defense!Amusing Injuries: Wazzzzzzpinator always gets hurt! Wazzzpinator get blown to scrap every five secondzzzzz! Why univerzzzze hate Wazzzzpinator?Badass Decay: Wazzpinator wazzzn't alwayzzz univerzze's punching bag. Early episodezz showed Wazzpinator cauzzing grief for Maximalzzz, ezzpecially when working with Dactyl-bot to double team Optimuzz! Maximalzzz only had one flyer on team, Predaconzzz had two! Zzzadly, good timezzz didn't lazzt, and, well...you know what came after that.Being Evil Sucks: Wazzzpinator wazzz fine with being Predacon, until Wazzzpinator kept getting blown up.So Wazzzpinator quit!Berserk Button: Bird-bot try to out-fly Wazzzzpinator! Wazzzzpinator wazzzz not happy! But you know how it goes for Wazzzpinator...Blowing a Raspberry: Wazzzpinator not above doing thizzzz. Cat bot dezzzerved it!Breakout Character: Fanzzzz love Wazzzpinator! Wazzzpinator survive Beast Warzzzz! Wazzzpinator got to be in Hall of Fame! Wazzpzinator even get more tv apperancezzz! Wazzzpinator...RULES!Butt-Monkey: No matter what Wazzzzpinator do, Wazzzpinator alwayzzzz gets blown up! Ohhhhh. Megatron treatzzzz it like businezzzz as usual!Can't Catch Up: Everyone getzzzz Transmetal upgradezzzzz, but doezzzz Wazzzpinator? Nooooooo. Wazzzpinator left out in cold, so Wazzzpinator get blown up every minute! Ohhhhh.Characterization Marches On: Wazzzpinator uzzzed to be fairly competent and deadly. Then Wazzzpinator's luck ran out. Ohhhhh.The Chew Toy: Ohhhhh. Wazzzpinator get blown up too much. Ezzzpecially when Transmetalzzz come along.Cosmic Plaything: The unviverzzze just hatezzzz Wazzzpinator.Crouching Moron, Hidden Badass: Wazzzpinator izzzn't sharpezzzt tool in shed, but Wazzzpinator can happily hit targetzzz with eazzze!Cuddle Bug: Wazzzpinator uzzze spider-bot as stuffed animal. Wazzzpinator felt happy.Defector from Decadence:Wazzzzzpinator sick of being evil! Sick of being Predacon! And Wazzzzzpinatorespeciallysick ofgetting blown to scrap all the time! So, WazzzzzpinatorQUIT!Demonic Possession: StupidDecepticon jet-robotdo thizzz to Wazzzpinator. If Wazzzpinator ever getzzz hizzzz handzzz on him—ohohohohohohohohohohohohohohoh!If he ever gets his hands on who? Don't think I can't take you over again you incompetent wretch!Determinator: You can do what you like to Wazzzpinator, but Wazzzpinator won't stop until every Maximal izzzz destroyed! Heheheheheheheheheheheheh!The Ditz: Wazzzpinator not stupid! Wazzzpinator juzzzt keep head down, that all.Driven to Villainy: Wazzzpinator fromthat ozzzer cartoonwas good bot! But Bumblebot said Wazzzp was a Decepticon spy! Put him in stockade! Made him mad! Wazzzp wanted revenge! Autobots wanted to put Wazzzp back into stockade even though Wazzzp wazzz innocent! Wazzzp ran to spider lady! Spider ladyacted like friend!Made Wazzzp Wazzzpinator!It hurt!Then Spider lady said she wazzz uzzzing Wazzzpinator! So izzz it any surprizzze why Wazzzpinator went bad here? You can blame Shockwave for creating the mezzz in the firzzzt place.Eye Beams: Wait. Wazzzpinator hazzz thezzze? Ohhhh. Why did Wazzzpinator forget?The Fatalist: Wazzzpinator will alwayzzz suffer. So Wazzzpinator juzzzt accept it.Freudian Excuse Is No Excuse: Inthat ozzer cartoon, Wazzzp wazzz a good bot! Everyone elzzze hurt him! Frame him up for being a traitor! But then Bumble-bot and Bulk-bot said that I wazzz alwayzzz mean to them, and that even if I weren't a traitor, I wazzz never a good bot! NEVER A GOOD BOT?! WAZZZPINATOR SHOW THEM!!! WILL HAVE REVENGE!!! But show ended before ozzer Wazzzpinator could carry it out.Friendly Sniper: Just because Wazzzpinator get blown up, doezzzn't mean Wazzzpinator can't hit botzzz!Glass Cannon: Wazzzpinator can fly fazzzt and shoot straight. But Maximalzzzz hurt Wazzzpinator before Wazzpinator can hurt them. Ohhhh.Grand Theft Me:Decepticon jet-botsteal Wazzzpinator'zzz body! Wazzzpinator had bad headache. Ohhhhh.Groin Attack: Rat-bot hit Wazzzpinator in groin! But Wazzzpinator no have groin. How odd. Writerzzz have no senzzze of robotzzzz.Happy Ending Override:Wazzpinator wazzz happy azzz god. Then writerzzz take Wazzzpinator'zz happinezzz away. Wazzzpinator have word with executivezzz who made thizzz happen!Harmless Villain:Wazzzzpinator not harmless!Wazzzpiantor, rules!(Squish!)Okay, Wazzzpinator hurt now...ohhhhhh.Hulk Speak: Wazzzpinator talkzz in the third perzzzon.The Igor: Wazzzpinator play role when Megatron make Dinobot II! Wazzzpinator lovezzz to role-play!Ineffectual Sympathetic Villain: Fanzzz love Wazzzpinator. But only becauzzzze Wazzpinator get blown up. Every time.Iron Butt Monkey: Wazzzpinator alwazzz get blown up, but it become too common for Wazzpzinator to worry about. Rat-bot even start collecting random scrap partzz of Wazzpinator from every time he blown up. Partzz get regenerated in CR chamber, but Wazzpinator still annoyed that he the only one whose partzz Rat-bot collect.Jerk Jock:That ozzzer Wazzzpinator(back when he wazzz called Wazzzp) wazzz mean and liked to bully Bumblebot. With Iron-bot, Wazzzp even dizzzzmantled his legzzz! But Wazzzp wazzz still a good bot! Yet Bumblebot still blamed Wazzzp for being a Decepticon spy! Wazzzp spent many cyclezzz in stockade! Became mad! Will have revenge on Bumblebot for ruining Wazzzp's life!Losing Your Head: Wazzzpinator alwayzzz lozzze head. Sometimezzz thatzzz all thatzzz left.Lyrical Dissonance: Fans gave Wazzpinator a spot in the Transformerzzz Hall of Fame! They playThe Touchand everything! But what Wazzpinator'zzz entry video get? Wazzzpinator getting blown up! Ohhhh.Mistreatment-Induced Betrayal:Predaconzzz no rezzpect Wazzpinator. So Wazzpinator quit!The Nicknamer: Everyone get nickname from Wazzzpinator. It much eazzier to remember. Except Megatron and Optimus.Oh, Crap!: Wazzzpinator alwayzzz doezzz thizzz when trouble happenzzz. But what can Wazzzpinator do? Wazzzpinator alwayzzz getzzz blown up. Not that Wazzpzinator likezzz it.Only Sane Man: Scorpion-botkizzz-up, Spider-botzzzcrazytraitorzzz, flying Dino-bottraitor, Dinobotbigger traitor, snake/scorpion-botmean, crab-botmad, and ant-boteven madder! That why Wazzzpinator hazzz actual senzzze.O.O.C. Is Serious Business:Wazzpinator stopped talking in third perzzzon when Wazzpinator decide to quite Predacons.Overly-Long Tongue: Wazzzpinator hazzz very long tongue.Pulling Themselves Together: Ant bot get blown up, Wazzzpinator must salvage. Wazzzpinator get blown up, nobody salvage! So Wazzzpinator hazzz to pull himzzzelf together. Ohhhh. Why univerzzze hate Wazzzpinator.Red Herring Mole: Inthat ozzzer cartoon, Wazzzp wazz NOT Decepticon spy! It wazzz Longarm-bot! But Bumblebot still blamed Wazzzp! Locked him in stockade! While Longarm-bot became a head of Autobot Intelligence! Why doezzz every univerzze hate Wazzzpinator?!Rejected Apology: Wazzzp fromthat ozzzer cartoon"forgave" Bumblebot...but WAZZZPINATOR NEVER FORGIVE!!!Running Gag: No matter what Wazzzpinator doezzz, Wazzzpinator will alwayzzz get destroyed. Ohhhhhh.Screw This, I'm Outta Here:Wazzpinator quit Predacons! Wazzpinator wazz tired of being blown to scrap! They could kizzz Wazzpinator's big, shiny—(Gets Blown to Scrap)Sitcom Archnemesis: Cat-bot and doggie-bot are Wazzpinator's worzzzt enemies. Wazzpinator at least beat them.So Last Season: Wazzzpinator uzzzed to be deadly air warrior. But then Maximalzzzz get upgradezzzz and Wazzpinator get squished. Ohhhhh.The So-Called Coward: Wazzpinator may get blown up, but Wazzzpinator still fight, even if Wazzpinator in piecezzz!The Starscream: Wazzzpinator not above helping Wazzzpinator. Wazzpinator wantzzz power.YezzzzzzHehehehehehehe—ohohohohohohohoohoh!And rightfully so! After all, who else would dare to accomplish such brilliant schemes as I, the trope namer himself? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH--!Ohhhhh. Wazzpinator hazzz splitting headache!Stuff Blowing Up: Ohhhhhh. Thizzzz alwayzzzz happpenzzzz to Wazzzpinator. What Wazzzpinator been doing with life?Shout-Out: Rhino-bot hurt Wazzzpinator once, so Wazzpinator thought he was Shrapnel! Wazzzpinator! Well, Wazzzpinator thinkzzz he better bug-bot!Take This Job and Shove It:Wazzpinator get sick of being blown to scrap! So Wazzpinator quit!Tempting Fate:Waspinator:Waspinator having good day! Not get shot once!(Is immediately shot)They Killed Kenny Again: Wazzzpinator no die! Wazzzzpinator...just get blown up...ohhhhh. All the time...Third-Person Person: Wazzzpinator alwayzzzz do thizzz. If Wazzzpinatordoesn't do thizzz, there'zzzz problemzzz!This Is Gonna Suck: Wazzzpinator getzzz blown up so much, Wazzpinator just takezzz it azzzz izzzz.Throw the Dog a Bone:Doggie-bot got beat by Wazzzpinator. Thrice! Wazzzpinator, rulezzzzzz!Then, Wazzzpinator get to be happy at last.Even after all the slag Wazzpinator goes through, Wazzpinator the last Predacon still functioning at end of main Beast Wars continuity! All other Predacons can kiss Wazzpinator's big, fat, stripy...Took a Level in Badass:In Beazzt Warz continuity, bezzidezz all other indignitiezz Wazzpinator goezz through,The Starscreamuzzed Wazzpinator's body way better than he did. Maximals notice how much better Wazzpinator fly and fight while controlled by Starscream's ghozzt.In Animated continuity, Wazzp become a lot crazzier and more dangerouzz after being turned into Wazzpinator. That guy wazz even more wrecked mentally than Beast Warz Wazzpinator is physically, and that zzaying zzomething!Villainous Virtues: Univerzzzze may hate Wazzpinator, but Wazzpinator no stop! Wazzpinator destroy Maximalzzz!Villain Decay: Wazzpinator suffer thiz badly after pilot epizodez.Villainous Friendship: Terrorzaur is only Predacon to drag Waspinator back to base for repairs, and is the only being in the universe to treat Wazpinator with a modicum of respect.Vocal Evolution: Wazzzpinator no make buzzing sound! Then Wazzzpinator get buzzier! Ohhhh. Wazzpinator well-renowned for thizzzz.Yank the Dog's Chain:Wazzpinator lozze worship. Then Wazzpinator becomezzz slave to Megatron. Wazzzpinator wazzz fine with thizzz. Then Wazzzpinator lozze it again! Ohhhh. Thizzz why Wazzpinator's voiceno like that show.At least Wazzzpinator thinkzzz.(Waspinator returns, in pieces)Wazzzpinator losezzz. Again. Ahhh. Wazzzpinator go back to CR Chamber to get repairs. Again. Ohhh. Univerzzze really hatezzz Waspinator today.FeedbackVideo Example(s):"Waspinator Happy At Last"In the final scene of "Beast Wars", Waspinator, who had suffered no end of abuse for the entire series, finally finds eternal happiness. This is if you disregard the sequel series.Example of:Throw the Dog a Bone


BILLY MAYS — the only TV spokesman allowed tospeak in all caps."—YouTubeCommenterTo read this page without the loud voice in your head, gohere.ARE YOU TIRED OF HAVING UNLIMITED BROWSING TIME? DOES HAVING ONLY TWO OR THREE TABS OPEN AT A TIME FRUSTRATE YOU? WELL I HAVE A SOLUTION.HI! BILLY MAYS (FROM THE AFTERLIFE) HERE WITH TVTROPES,THE QUICKEST WAY TO RUIN YOUR LIFE AND EAT UP ALL OF YOUR FREE TIME.BUT FIRST, A LITTLE ABOUT ME.I WAS BORN WILLIAM DARRELL MAYS JR., AND I WAS AN AMERICAN TELEVISION DIRECT-RESPONSE ADVERTISEMENT SALESPERSON MOST NOTABLE FOR PROMOTING FIX-IT, OXICLEAN, ORANGE GLO, KABOOM, ZORBEEZ, AND OTHER CLEANING, HOME-BASED, AND MAINTENANCE PRODUCTS ON THE HOME SHOPPING NETWORK, AND THROUGH MY COMPANY, MAYS PROMOTIONS, INC. I HAD ALL THE POWER OF ALLCAPS WITHOUT THE DAMAGING SIDE-EFFECTS.IF THE WORLD OFINFOMERCIALSAND LATE NIGHT ADVERTISING CAN BE SAID TO HAVE STARS, I WAS ONE OF THE BIGGEST.MY ADVERTISING STYLE IS LARGE, LOUD AND IMPOSSIBLE TO IGNORE, AND I WAS A FAMILIAR FACE AND VOICE TO ANYONE WHO WATCHED TV IN THE UNITED STATES AND CANADA, EVEN IF YOU DIDN'T WANT ME TO BE.I ADVERTISED SEVERAL PRODUCTS, SUCH AS ZORBEEZ, OXICLEAN, KABOOM, ORANGE GLO, HERCULES HOOKS AND EVEN MORE, A $49.99 VALUE, YOURS FOR ONLY $19.99 PLUS SHIPPING AND HANDLING.BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE!CALL NOW, AND I'LL THROW IN A REALITY TV SERIES FOR FREE! THAT'S RIGHT, I'LL THROW IN A REALITY TELEVISION SHOW AT NO ADDITIONAL COST TO YOU! BEGINNING IN APRIL 2009 AND ALONGSIDE MY BEST FRIEND AND EQUALLY RECOGNIZABLE PITCHMAN ANTHONY "SULLY" SULLIVAN, I CO-HOST A REALITY SHOW ON THE DISCOVERY CHANNEL TITLEDPITCHMEN, WHICH SHOWS HOW MY COMPANY CHOOSES THE PRODUCTS WE PITCH AND HOW WE CREATE OUR ADS.NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH THE BASEBALL PLAYER WILLIE MAYS OR BANDLEADER-COMPOSER-ARRANGER BILLY MAY.HERE ARE SOME PRODUCTS I HAVE SOLD:Awesome AugerBig City SliderDing KingGrab-ItHercules HooksiCan Health InsuranceJupiter JackKaboom!Liquid DiamondMighty PuttyOxi CleanSamurai SharkSteam BuddyZorbeezTHE SECRET'S IN THE TVTROPES MARKUP WIKI TECHNOLOGY, WHICH DESCRIBES EXAMPLES THAT I PROVIDE!:ADAM WESTING: I SHOWED UP ON SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE TO JOKE ABOUT OXYCLEAN.ALLITERATIVE NAME/Rhymes on a Dime: NOTICE A PATTERN IN MY PRODUCTS UP THERE?AND ONLY NINETY-NINE CENTS: YOURS FOR ONLY $19.99.BERSERK BUTTON: DON'T EVER MENTION SHAM-WOW ORVINCE OFFERAROUND ME.Catchphrase:"HI, BILLY MAYS HERE!""BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE!"FLANDERIZATION:There was once a time when I did commercials at a normal volume.NOT ANYMORE.FULL-NAME BASIS: MY NAME ISBILLY MAYSGAG DUB:JABO0ODY DUBSPUT A NEW SPIN ON MY ADSAND IF YOU CLICK WITHIN THE NEXT FIVE MINUTES, I'LL THROW IN A FREEYOUTUBE POOP. TRY THEBIG CITY TOILETTODAY!!INCOMING HAM:HI, BILLY MAYS HERE!LARGE HAM:BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE!HAMMERSPACE: I ALWAYS CARRY AROUND THE PRODUCTS I ENDORSE, EVEN IF IT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE I COULD POSSIBLY CARRY THEM.LIMITED WARDROBE: BLUE SHIRT, TAN PANTS. ALWAYS.NO INDOOR VOICE:TOMEMETICLEVELS.However, on my showPitchmen, my voice is rather average behind the scenes.RIDICULOUSLY LOUD COMMERCIAL:CALL NOW, AND WE'LL TRIPLE THE OFFER!SELF-DEPRECATION:I DID ADS FOR DC SNOWBOARD AND ESPN 360 WHERE I POKED FUN AT MY OWN STYLE.IALSO ORDERED MCDONALD'S BREAKFAST ONCE.SHOUT-OUT: I SHOWED UP IN A SOUTH PARK EPISODE ABOUT DEAD CELEBRITIES ONCE.TAKE THAT!: I'M NOT A FAN OF THE SHAM-WOW GUY.HERE'S HOW TO ORDER!To order theBilly MaysTV Tropes page, call 1-800-555-5555. That's 1-800-555-5555. Don't delay, act now!


CHISWICK! FRESH HORSES!!"On a still day, how far away can one hear Brian Blessed?"— Hugh Dennis,Mock the Week,(If This Is The Answer What Is The Question: "85,000 miles")"HELLO, I'M BRIAN BLESSED! AND I'M DOING THIS WEEK'S BBC RADIO FOUR APPEAL ON BEHALF OF THE DEAF!!!!"—Dead Ringers"DRIVE, MY HAWKMEN,DRIIVE!!"—PrototypeBrian Blessed Sat Nav.To protect your eyes, trythis pageinstead.Perhaps best known in America as Prince Vultan of the Hawkmen in theFlash Gordonmovie ("GORDON'S ALIVE?!" "DIIIIIIIIIVVEEEEE!!"), he is widely regarded as one of theLargest Hamsin existence. However, he is by nature a stage actor, and his hamming is by design, not by ineptitude or accident. As he has proven on (very) occasional films, he is actually capable of delivering a subtle and understated performance; he just usually doesn't bother (and he is quite aware of why people hire him). His crowning moment of hamness is theBlake's 7episode "Cygnus Alpha" in which just about every line he speaks could be replaced with "Did somebody order aLARGE HAM?". He keeps in shape by climbing up large mountains. About the only thing on Earth larger than BRIAN BLESSED is Mount Everest, which he has attempted to scale three times without quite reaching the summit each time. Indeed, he has a story about narrowly avoiding an avalanche on Everest which caused him to, quote, "rage at the mountain". Yes, BRAIN BLESSED bellowed Mt Everest itself into submission.He served up not one, buttwolarge portions inSpace: 1999; the first as Dr. Cabot Rowland in first season episode "Death's Other Dominion", the second as Maya's father Mentor in second season opener "The Metamorph". In real life his favorite food is cows, which he eats whole and in one gulp.Was also in the first season ofBlackadderas King Richard IV ("Chiswick! Fresh horses!"). Was far less hammy as the ghost in fellow large hamKenneth Branagh'sHamlet(he even managed towhisperloudly) and Signore Antonio in Branagh'sMuch Ado About Nothing (1993). Also, the Duke of Exeter in Branagh'sHenry V. ("What treasure, Uncle?" "Tennis balls, my liege!") Surprisingly, Keanu Reeves claimed in an interview on British radio that during filming ofMuch Ado About Nothing (1993), Blessed befriended him and taught him to meditate. Moviegoers who are sympathetic to Reeves might have thought it more likelyif it was the other way around. Blessed might just becalmer than he looks.IT IS SAID BY SOME THAT THE CHARACTER OF DESTRUCTION (A SENTIENT PERSONIFICATION OF DIFFICULT CHANGES WHO HAS QUIT HIS JOB TO BECOME AN ARTIST) FROMTHE SANDMANIS BASED ON HIM. SINCE AUTHORNEIL GAIMANIS ONE OF THE ONES WHO SAYS THIS, IT IS PERHAPS TRUE BUT NO LESS UNLIKELY.PLAYED HIS BEST AND HIS FAVOURITE ROLE AS THE SYMPATHETIC, TRAGICALLY NAIVE (YET STILL OCCASIONALLYBOMBASTIC) EMPEROR AUGUSTUS IN THE ACCLAIMED BRITISH MINI-SERIESI, CLAVDIVS. ("IS THERE ANYONE IN ROME WHO HAS NOT SLEPT WITH MY DAUGHTER?!!!")THIS ROMAN ROLE, AND SEEMINGLY HIS DELIVERY, WEREREFERENCEDWITH A CAMEO INGLADIATOR, IN WHICH - DESPITE APPEARING IN ONLY THREE FRAMES OF FILM - BLESSED'S CHARACTERISTIC ROAR CAN BE HEARD TO DEMAND 'KILL HIM!' CLEARLY ABOVE THE DIN OF THE CROWD.PLAYED HIS PART IN THE DEVELOPMENT OF THE BRITISH COP SHOW BY BEINGCOWBOY COP"FANCY" SMITH INZ CARS, THE VILLAIN IN THE FIRST EPISODE OFTHE SWEENEYAND A CORRUPT COP IN AN EPISODE OFMINDER.KNOWN TO BRITISH VIEWERS AS SPIRO IN THE 1987 VERSION OF THE TV SERIESMY FAMILY AND OTHER ANIMALS.OUTSIDE OF ACTING HE HAS MADE SEVERAL ATTEMPTS TO CLIMB MOUNT EVEREST, ALTHOUGH IT'S HARD TO SEE WHY - ALL HE REALLY NEEDS TO DO IS STAND NEXT TO IT (OR POSSIBLY GLARE FEROCIOUSLY UNTIL IT CROUCHES DOWN IN SUBMISSION).APPEARED INHave I Got News for You, IN ABIZARRE PERFORMANCEWHICH WAS POSSIBLY SO GOOD IT BROKE TIME, TWICE. WE'LL JUST HAVE TO WAIT AND SEE. (YOU CAN WATCH THE FULL EPISODESHEREandHERE)RECENTLY APPEARED INTHE WRONG DOORAS CAPTAIN GOLTIER THE TRAIN PIRATE.HE'S ALSO APPEARED INDISNEY'SANIMATED ADAPTATION OFTARZANAS CLAYTON, AND WENT ON TO REPEAT THE SAME ROLE INKingdom Hearts. HIS PERFORMANCE WAS STILL QUITE HAMLIKE. HE ALSO PROVIDED THE "TARZAN YELL" FOR THE FILM. HIS VOICE PERFORMANCE OF BOSS NASS (THE GUNGAN KING) INStar Wars:THE PHANTOM MENACEWAS EQUALLY OVER THE TOP AND POSSIBLY THE MOST FUN PERFORMANCE IN THE ENTIRE MOVIE. ADDITIONALLY, HE NARRATEDVIKING: BATTLE FOR ASGARDIN WHICH HIS NARRATION STOLE THE SHOW AND CATAPULTED SAID GAME INTO THE HALLS OF AWESOME!HE ALSO APPEARED IN ORIGINAL SERIESDOCTOR WHO: ("TRIAL OF A TIME LORD: MINDWARP") AND UTTERED THEIMMORTAL LINE: "TODAY PRUDENCE SHALL BE OUR WATCHWORD. TOMORROW WE SHALL SOAK THE LAND IN BLOOD!" HAMTASTIC! HE THEN ENDED UP EITHER MARRYING PERI OR KILLING HER, DEPENDING ON WHICH OF THEUNRELIABLE NARRATORSYOU CHOOSE TO BELIEVE.HE HAD NO LINES IN THE ALMOST-DIALOGUE-FREE SHORT FILMEXAM CONDITIONS, AND STILL MANAGED TO BE THE LOUDEST PERSON IN THE FILM.HE WAS THE FIRST TO PLAY OLD DEUTERONOMY INCATS. HE WAS THE ONE WHO CAME OUT AFTER THE SHOW FINISHED TO TELL THE AUDIENCE THAT THERE WAS A BOMB ALERT.HE SOMEHOW MANAGED TO RAISE A SON WITH AN AMERICAN ACCENT INROBIN HOOD: PRINCE OF THIEVES, AND STILL WAS THE LOUDEST PERSON IN THE FILM, EVEN ON HIS CHARACTER'SLAST LINE: "GOD!! AND KINNNG RICHAARRD!!! YAAARRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!"HE TAUGHTMACGYVERARCHAEOLOGY AS PART OF MAC'SEXPANSION PACK PASTAS SEEN IN THELOST TREASURE OF ATLANTISTELEMOVIE.HE HAS ALSO BEEN SIGHTED PRESENTINGUNBEATABLE BANZUKE, ENTHUSIASTICALLY, IN THE GUISE OF BANZUKE BRIAN ATTIRED IN WHAT APPEARS TO BE RED PLASTIC FAUX-SAMURAI ARMOUR SEVERAL SIZES TOO SMALL, ON THE UK'S CHALLENGE TELLY CHANNEL.HE DOESN'T HAVE ANY FORM OFKNIGHT FEVERYET, POSSIBLY FOR FEARS HIS ACCEPTANCE SPEECH WOULD BURST EARDRUMS.WHEN NOT ACTIVELY BEING ALARGE HAM(OR SOMETIMES AT THE SAME TIME, ACTUALLY), BLESSED IS ALSO AN ARCHETYPALBOISTEROUS BRUISER.BEFORE BEING LOST IN A GENERAL REVAMP, HIS PAGE ON WIKIPEDIA DESCRIBED HIM AS "HIGHLY CHARISMATIC" IN THE FIRST PARAGRAPH. APPARENTLY, THEIR STRICT NPOV POLICY HAS NO BEARING HERE: "HE IS A HIGHLY CHARISMATIC MAN" IS NOT SIMPLY AN OPINION, BUT AN OBJECTIVE STATEMENT OF FACT.EVEN WHEN PLAYING SANTA TO INTRODUCE THE MUSIC CHANNEL'S 'MAGIC'S CHRISTMAS TOP 50' HE MANAGES TO BE A WONDERFUL HO-HO-HAM.ALONG WITHDIANA RIGGANDJEREMY CLARKSON, HE'S FROM DONCASTER. THE FACT THAT DONCASTER IS NOW ALSO HOME TO AN EXTENSIVE SCHOOL AND COLLEGE FOR THE DEAF MAY NOT BE COINCIDENTAL.IN LATE 2009, BLESSED PLAYED A TIME-DISPLACED HENRY VIII IN THE SHORT INTERNET SERIESHENRY 8.0.POPE GREGORY'S BLOCKED ME ONTWITTER!I DON'T WANT A BLOODY RICE CAKE, THEY DON'T FILL ME UP!IT'S LIKE EATING CRUNCHY AIR!!!THE ANCIENT WELSH HAD A GOD BY THE NAME "BRAN THE BLESSED."THIS IS NOT A COINCIDENCE!!!HAMLETTHINKS SO!AS SUCH, I WAS CAST AS ODIN IN THE UPCOMING FILM ADAPTATION OFTHE MIGHTY THOR,BUT THEN ANTHONY HOPKINS GOT THE PART INSTEAD.AFTER A CAMPAIGN BY FANS, TOM TOM HAVE AGREED TO OPEN NEGOTIATIONS WITH HIM TO RECORD A VOICE TRACK FOR THEIR SATNAV APPLIANCES IF THEY REACH 25,000 MEMBERS ONTHEIR FACEBOOK GROUP. A DEMO VIDEO STARRING BRIAN HIMSELF CAN BE FOUNDHEREONYOUTUBE!HE HAS FRONTED SPACE-ROCK BANDHawkwindas possibly the most apt guest vocalist possible in any phase of the Multiverse to voice their perfomance pieceSonic Attack,in which noise is mobilised to serve as a devastating weapon.HOPKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINS!!!...we told you. Now, unless you want to try reading thisagain...Alternative Title(s):Ptitleijqobqvle9an


Gunnery SergeantR. Lee Ermey to you, maggot!I am Gunnery Sergeant Ermey, your Senior Trope Instructor. From now on, you will speak only when spoken to, and the first and last words out of your filthy sewers will be "Sir", do you tropers understand that?Sir, yes sir!Bullshit, I can't hear you, sound off like you've got a pair.SIR, YES SIR!I was born on March 24, 1944, towards the end of World War II–and for those of you who thought it was easy to save the world back in 1918, World War I was just practice!–and served in the United States Marine Corps as a drill instructor in 'Nam, which was just practice for yelling at you for being the kind of guy that would fuck a person in the ass and not even have the Goddamned common courtesy to give him a reach-around! As an actor, I got my big break playing the type of character I was famous for being in real life, when you were just a glimmer in your mother's eye, inStanley Kubrick'sFull Metal Jacket. Compared to me, my character was a sadistic and foul-mouthed son-of-a-bitch whose training methods ended with one maggot driven insane and the son-of-a-bitch dead at the hands of the same fucking maggot! And in case you were wondering, many of my lines were unscripted, and you have Kubrick himself to thank for it–especiallysince he doesn't normally allow his talent to improvise as though they were on theReduced Shakespearecomedy circuit!And thanks to my performance, I am now the poster child forDrill Sergeant Nasty–and don't you fucking forget it, numbnuts!–and landed myself roles in other movies, as well as a slew of voice-over work–my distinct gruff voice makes me ideal for hardass military types, and don't you dare call me aRegular Army Clownfor it, I'm dead serious!–and ultimately a hosting job for severalHistory Channelprograms about the military, includingMail CallandLock n' Load–history programs as only a drill sergeant could do them. I was alsoHouse's father, an abusive ex-drill sergeant! I'll bet he could suck a golf ball through a garden hose while on the job!And in case you were wondering, maggot, I retired as aStaffSergeant. However, in 2002, I was given an honorary promotion post-retirement–the first in Marine Corps history, mind you!–to Gunnery Sergeant by order of the Commandant of the Marine Corps "in recognition of [my] continuing support to Americans in military service, and of [my] service as an unofficial ambassador for the Marine Corps."I may have died on April 15, 2018 from complications from pneumonia, but that's no excuse! What part of "once a Marine, always a Marine" is not registering here? Even now, I'm still one of the baddest men to ever grace the silver screen, and don't you ever forget it!You got all that down? What is your major malfunction, numbnuts? Did you not bring a pen, pencil or paper with you? Were you hoping you'd remember everything I've said up to this point? Well, I certainly hope your major malfunction isn't as a result of someone gouging out your eyeballs and skullfucking you in the brain, because you're going to need a very good brain, you twinkle-toed cocksucker!Preseeeent... TROPES! Associated with me!Adam Westing: Do you think I'm funny? How about when I parodied myself onSaving Silverman? Or that toned-down, yet still fucking nasty, portrait of the former drill sergeant as a therapist that I did for Geico?Ascended Extra: You may be too shitbrained to know this, but I wasn't Stanley Kubrick's first choice for the role of Gunnery Sergeant Hartman inFull Metal Jacket–in fact, his reason for wanting me on board was accuracy advice. But then I did a demonstration on how to portray aDrill Sergeant Nasty, chewing out the camera for fifteen straight minutes, through a hail of tennis balls and fucking rotten oranges, never once moving, changing my expression, or repeating myself. I ended up getting the part by yelling at Kubrick, "YOU STAND UP WHEN I TALK TO YOU!!!" Kubrick—a shitstain who'sused to getting his whims served up on a silver platter—found himself doing so automatically, and the rest is history!Badass Biker: As I proved onLock n' Load, even on the back of my bike I'm damn good with guns, and you damn well had better remember it!Big Ol' EyebrowsCast the Expert: Like I said earlier, I was so fucking good at being aDrill Sergeant NastyI got my most famous film role by showing Stanley Kubrick how it's done and not letting either of my balls drop off even as I faced both Tennis Ball HellandRotten Orange Hell at the same fucking time! Even before I dealt with that limp-wristed sissymary, I was already using my military experience to perform in movies likeThe Boys in Company CandApocalypse Now.Defictionalization: 15 fucking years of awkwardness followed my iconic performance as a Gunnery Sergeant (E-7), because I had retired as a Staff Sergeant (E-6), and yet thanks to said iconic role people mistook me for an actual Gunnery Sergeant! Then the Marine Corps graciously promoted me to Gunnery Sergeant for my continued service promoting the Corps and its values. After I had already retired! That means they made me the first Marine in history to be promoted post-service!Because you're goddamn RIGHT they did!Determinator: I got knocked off the road once, but not out! I flashed my light for hours hoping someone would find me, and someone did!Drill Sergeant Nasty: I am the undisputed master of this type, and have even been typecast in such roles on film and television! And don't you fucking forget it, sweetheart, or I will unscrew your head and shit down your neck!Fountain of Expies: Like I said before, I amthewalking, talking example of what popular culture assumes aDrill Sergeant Nastyis! That's why lots of other TV shows and movies pattern their drill sergeant characters after me. I'll admit those writers and producers have good taste, butnobody, and I meannobody, can pull off the drill sergeant character as well as I do! You got that, numbnuts?!?Large Ham: What do you expect whenTypecastinglends to theDrill Sergeant Nastyrole nine times out of ten? You don't get good at that job by sitting back and being subtle, maggot! Think I'm kidding? Count the number of exclamation points on this page!Mean Character, Nice Actor: When I'm not in "Marine Mode", I'm just a big ol' teddy bear... Too bad all YOU pukes are gonna get IS the Marine! Now drop and give me twenty, maggot!No Indoor Voice: You think you can be one of the baddest men in all of cinema and be QUIET, maggot?! Of fucking course not!Semper Fi: Once a Marine, always a Marine, maggot! I cut my teeth in Vietnam, so I know what the fuck I'm talking about here! Hell, I was the first Marine in history to be promoted after retirement! (The only other such person you might know of is Captain Sir Thomas Moore from across the pond, promoted to Colonel on his 100th birthday for doing his part in the fight against COVID-19!) Do you know what kind of badass gets promoted after he leaves the job? Because I sure as shit do—there's a damn good reason my ashes are buried at Arlington!Shout-Out:Full Metal Panic!, in addition to being named forFull Metal Jacket, includes an episode where the protagonist takes up aDrill Sergeant Nastypersona when coaching a rugby team; in the English version, he even does a spot-on impersonation–minus the voice, of course–that would've made me proud! He's no maggot, but I'll bet that chickenshit bleep censor operator had a good time trying to be funny by censoring his sailor mouth!Nyaruko: Crawling with Love!did the same, but adapted my words forMagical Girltraining! Just listen to this disgustingly sweet take on my words, and you maggots will not soon forget that every language, both literal (e.g. English and Japanese) and figurative (e.g. the language of love), has its own way of getting my message through to the local unorganized grabastic pieces of amphibian shit!"If you are able to overcome my intensive training, your entire demeanor will become that of aMagical Girl. You will become afriend to all,sprinkling loveand smileswith amagical stickin your hand. But until that day you are amob character. You are theleast important characterin the cast."[...]"Do not speak unless spoken to! You will say 'hanyaan' at the beginnings and ends of the nonsense spewed from that bloody tongue!"Is this aJapanese English phrase book◊? Whatever it is, it features a cute Army girl whose dialogue consists of nothing but uncensoredFull Metal Jacketcharacter quotes. And I certainly hope her sister is older thanshelooks, let alone that she knows what the fuck she's saying!I rike you.Come ova to my house and fuck my shista.For more anime fun with me, check out those cut-away pictures of myFull Metal Jacketcharacter that appear inPani Poni Dash!! No detail spared! The animators are clearly qualified to draw my likeness, and I do not want you for even one miserable second to doubt it!The guys writingGreen Lanternhave even paid tribute to me with a Green Lantern Drill Instructor character who is me if I was any softer at my job!They even quote me inStarcraft–bother the driver of theSiege Tankenough, and he'll ask,"What is your major malfunction?"Throw It In: I was actually lucky to be allowed to adlib a good portion of my lines inFull Metal Jacket, considering that Stanley Kubrick was behind the camera.I'LL BET YOU'RE THE KIND OF GUY WHO WOULD FUCK A PERSON IN THE ASSAND NOT EVEN HAVE THE GOD-DAMNED COMMON COURTESY TO GIVE HIM A REACH-AROUND!!At one point, though, we took a break so I could explain what a "reach around" was to Kubrick. He asked, I delivered, and he laughed his ass off! That's how that line got in the final cut!Trope Codifier: If there's aDrill Sergeant Nastycharacter in your work, numbnuts, and I'm not him, chances are he was inspired by me!Typecasting: If I'm not a Drill Instructor in a motion picture, it's Goddamned likely my character acts like one!Younger Than They Look: I was only 42 at the time I worked my military magic onFull Metal Jacket. 20 years and one Geico commercial later... I still look the fucking same, and don't you deny it, sweetheart!Next! List the tropes associated with my shows! Quickly!Bullet Time: What the fuck did you expect when you saw all those guns onLock n' Load?The Cameo: On the Artillery episode ofLock and Load, the hwacha, an ancient Korean multiple rocket launcher, is mentioned and shown being fired. It's the exact same one that theMythBustersBuild Team constructed, as shown by the mismatched wheels, but they don't deserve credit in my book, because they are pukes! They are the lowest life forms on Earth! They are not even human fucking beings–they are unorganized grabastic pieces of amphibian shit!Does Not Like Spam:InMail Call, I apparently make it fucking clear that watermelons are my "sworn enemy", and are good only for target practice, both thereandinLock n' Load. However, as I once said, some people think I don't like watermelons. Well, that's not true - I just believe you gotta kill it before you eat it. Honestly, I have nothing against watermelons! It's just that heads are so much more expensive. Of course, I did tell Private Snowball that he wouldn't like that (in addition to fried chicken) watermelon isn't served on a daily basis in my mess hall.I HATE Gumballs, they cause tooth decay!!Gumballs are good only for being shot up! I drove that point home with an uzi to several jars of them! Remember, kiddies: GUMBALLS ROT YOUR TEETH.Fourth-Wall Mail Slot: Yeah, I got one, numbnuts, and it's calledMail Call.Hand Cannon: There was oneLock and Loadepisode where I fired a .44 Magnum and got knocked down in the process. I'll admit that my Goddamned awkward crouched position that I was in didn't help my case, as it put me off balance and knocked me over. In another episode, I used a .44 Magnum in a test, despite that caliber not being around when the feature I was testing was invented.I used it just because I like it better, and don't you fucking forget it!More Dakka: Look,Lock And Loadis aboutfirearms. What the fuck do you expect? This isespeciallytrue when I do episodes on machine guns, including the one and only, genuine, original hand-cranked Gatling gun!Pin-Pulling Teeth: In one episode ofMail Call, I noted how doing this is a good way to lose your fucking teeth. Your teeth can't handle it? Don't use them to pull the pin unless you got a tooth that REALLY needs to be removed! But as I'm no dentist, I'm afraid I can't help you there, numbnuts!"Semper Fi."(salutes)Carry on.


The name'sh Bond... Jamesh Bond.This is how the quote formatting is suppose to look: One indent, then dialog, then two indents, then the source. Don't mess with it."Shome people shay I can't help it,I ashure you thish ishn't the cashe.It'sh jusht that I feel,You get more out of life,When you follow your 's' with an 'h'!"—legolambs,Sean Connery: The MusicalNot sho much an actor ash a forshe of nature, Shir ThomashSean Connery(Augusht 25, 1930 — October 31, 2020) made hish career ash the firsht actor to playJamesh Bondon the big shcreen. A former body builder (back in the daysh when that meant 'big and athletic' rather than 'shteroid-fuelled and vein-covered') notable for hish impresshive body hair, effortlessh mashculinity and unique variation on the Schottish acshent, Connery'shsheksh-shymbolshtatush had proved shurprishingly durable deshpite the ravagesh of time, the early onshet of baldnessh (he wore a toupee to play Bond - and reputedly wanted to go without forNever Shay Never Again), and occashional pressh shtoriesh of mishogyny on hish part.Alsho played Henry Jonesh Shenior., fasher of Henry "Indiana" Jonesh Jr. inIndiana Jonesh and the Lasht Crushade.Shteven ShpielbergandGeorge Lucashhad wanted to outdo theJamesh Bondfilmsh; therefore, Jamesh Bond wash both metaphorically and literallyIndiana Jonesh'shfather. Clearly, Badassh ish genetic.After shtarring as Allan Quartermain in the shomewhat lacklushtreThe League of Ekshtraordinary Gentlemenmovie, Connery retired from acting. Shome shuggest that theshe factsh are related, that the film wash sho unredeemably awful that he jusht gave up. He hash shteadfashtly refushed to come out of retirement, including refushing a cameo inIndiana Jonesh and the Kingdom of the Cryshtal Shkull. However, he had returned to voishe the main character in the Shcottish animated filmShir BilliShizzle.The film'shshiteishere, and it looksh... well...Oh God. *shob*A major shupporter of Shcottish independenshe (though the fact that he hadn't actually lived there for 50 yearsh tendsh to undermine thish a little). Particularly famoush forNot Even Bothering With The Acshent. Of courshe, if you were him, you wouldn't bother either.Had a dishtinctive way of shpeaking that everyone on Earth believesh they can imitate (including the tropersh who wrote thish page), althoughEddie Izzhard(and reportedly Tony Curran) ish particularly good at it.Fun Fact:During the filming ofZhardozh, Connery found out that John Boorman paid a guy 5000 bucksh to be hish chauffeur. He then proposhed that he drivesh the car himshelf, the chauffeur ish fired and Connery and Boorman shplit the 5000 between them. That's jusht howcoolSean Connery ish.Funner Fact:During the filming ofAnother Time, Another Plashe(1958) gangshter Johnny Shtompanato shtormed the shet and threatened Connery with a gun, believing him to be having an affair with coshtar Lana Turner, Shtompanato's girlfriend. Sean Connery took hish gun from him and beat him up.That'shhow cool Sean Connery ish.Younger fansh may know him for being parodied onShaturday Night Live'sh Shelebrity Jeopardy recurring shketch, thanksh to long-time casht member Darrell Hammond, and ish conshidered a highlight to shaid recurring shketch (though in the earlier Shelebrity Jeopardy shketchesh, that honor went to Norm MacDonald ash Burt Reynoldsh).Also notable fortrying to shoot you in every video shtore in the world.AndYOU'RE THE MAN NOW, DOG.There ish even a webshite for thingsh Sean Connery should shay. Unfortunately, it no longer exishtsh. ThoughReddit'sh "Shubreddit" fitsh the bill. Shtill, you can alsho find the old webshitehere.Sean Connery ish also notable for the "Rule of Sean Connery," shomething that he (and few other people) have been able to accomplish in their lifetimesh.