Image selected per Image Pickin' thread: https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/posts.php?discussion=1307943212041000100Please do not change or remove without starting a new thread.Deadpool's demonstrative disclaimer of disambiguation:Hey there, true believers! UnfortunatelyTV Tropeswants my pages "clear" and "concise" now and doesn't want this page "crosswicked everywhere."[Does that involve a candle and CrossFit Jesus?]Anyway, I'm only allowed todemonstrate myselfhere in my own domain if I wanna stay the Mercwitha Mouth.[Is that a giant needle and thread in your thigh pouch or are you just happy to see me?]So don't go putting ol' Wade's examples into first-person anywhere else, 'kay?!—Deadpool♥Check me out,Spideyain't gotnuthin'on me! ...Whoopsy-daisy!"Yay, now is fighty time, fighty time, blood blood blood!"—Me, giving a lecture on the deep philosophical ramifications of what I represent to the collective unconscious in relation to a post-information age society... after IShoryukenedKitty PrydesoWolverinewould fight me!All right! It's time to describe my very own pageright here!Heya,true believers! This is me,Deadpool, A.K.A.The Merc with the Mouth,The Guy Who Won't Die,The Regenerating Degenerate,Chiyonosake,noteWolf of Rice Wine; so cool, I know.andThe Crimson Comedian. I'm aMarvel ComicsmercenaryAnti-Herocharacter, related to theX-MenandWolverinein particular. I appeared in print for the first time inNew Mutants#98 (February, 1991) as aripoffofDCmercenaryDeathstroke the Terminator. But, that's old news. I'm all-new, I'm all-different, and boy, does that feel good!I'm in a little bit of EVERYTHINGin theMarvel Universe. As you're probably noticingjustabout now,I loooooove to talk. Yes, it's my most valuable asset: the lungs to provide endless witty banter in the heat of battle! In fact,everybodyloves to hear me talk! (Hey! I saw that pothole!)OK, I know what you're asking yourself: "Why?Why, Wade, why Wade,why?" I've got mymemetic monologues, Italk to my loyal (but still weaker) fans(likenow, for instance), and I reference all the stuff you love. You lucky, lucky nerds!You ask, "how did Wade Wilson becomethe sexiest mercenary alive?" Tricky question, lots of retcons. Best I remember is some nice ice-cream salesmen told me they could fix my terminal cancer by injecting me withWolverine's man-juice (and by that I mean his DNA.Perv) and I became better, faster, strongerer and even gotthe ability to heal quickly, so that whenever the cancer shows up itinstantlygets fixed... which is good, because it keeps showing up. As in, instantlyafterit gets fixed. I becameso freaking handsomethatmy brain exploded. Eventually, my magical insanity powers allowed me to figure out thatI'm a comic book character. From then on, I became BFFs with my thought bubbles, exposition panels, andStan Lee. My fellow Weapon X classmates had run apoolto figure out which one of us would bedeadfirst, so I naturally named myselfDr. Professor Carlos Winston Lazarus McBatman. Then I realized that I couldn't spell it, so I went withDeadpoolinstead.Anyway, so you wanna know my fighting style, huh? Why,being absolutely rassum frassum crazyis my fighting style, kiddies!Don't Try This at Home! Wait... y'know what, go ahead; makes my job easier in the long run.Guns,explosives,guns, my trustykatana,guns,anything I findon the ground,guns,doorknobs,guns, andfirearmsare all ways I kill people.Now, can you say "media whore"?KA-CHING! Remember how I said I'm ineverything?Every comic you can think of and some you wish you hadn't.Agreat adaptationof me inX-Men Origins: Wolverineput me on the map (go see it with your fellow comic geeks and then say it was a good movie,I dare you). Screw those studio guys, it was thanks to you, my horrible fans that I hate so much, that I gotmy movieand asequeltoo! SoF*@# MarvelandF*@# Fox. Wait. Why am I censoring myself? ThisSHIT'SRATED R UP IN THISBITCH!noteDon't worry, me and Fox worked it all out. It was fun, we talked, we partied, I threatened to blow up their studios if they didn't make it happen and they made me look like a lying liar who lied. Good times!And a little bit of the actor who humbly played me,Ryan Reynolds,himself a fan of yours trulyas you already know. Because of his portrayal, People Magazine named him (and by association, moi) Sexiest Man AlivenoteSeriously! The only reason this movie gotmadeis because he made and starred in his own mock trailer of me sketching a kill in crayon before jumping off a freeway overpass into an SUV and beating the ever-loving shit out of everyone in it! And showing them the drawing!And he made sure theydidn'tsew my fucking mouth shut this time, so my new movie has 100% of your daily recommended intake of fourth wall-breaking obscenity!And now I'm about to join the freakin'Marvel Cinematic Universe!Thanks, Mickey!Your bottomless pockets have made this Merc With A Mouth's wish upon a star come true. Now I get to hang out with Spidey,Bennysnitch, and about seven handsome Chrises on the silver screen! Oh, and to make things even better, my buddy Ryan's coming along for the ride once again! And to start my tenure under their family friendly roof,here's me and a rock guy.... golem..person reviewing a trailerfor some movieabout a guy in a video game or something. Apparently Ryan's in it andanother guy who sounds like the rock guy too.I don't thinkthey've everworked together beforeuntil these.To be honest, I kinda checked out after I got my internet money.I'm all over the toons and games, too, withNolan Northproviding my heavenly voice inHulk Vs. WolverineandMarvel vs. Capcom 3,F*@# THE KNICKS!noteI'm also crossing my fingers that someone pulls Perlmutter's stick out his butt so me and the other X-Men will be inMarvel vs. Capcom: Infinite'cuz do you really thinkBlack Panthercan suitably fit in the Wolverinefunction? Can't see T'Challa as a masher type. And whileFrank is the first Marvel character that Capcom dipped their toes in, he lacks the je ne sais quoi that I have to offer. Unfortunately due to a combination of Perlmutter being the biggest pain in the ass to work with along with gamers flocking toDBFZ, Capcom decided to cut their losses. All because Ike was so butthurt about the X-Men belonging to Fox at the time and trying to push the Inhumans so hard that it became a dumspter fire whentheir shoestring budget showbombed big time.John Kassir (y'know,The Crypt Keeperandthe first Ice King?) moved my vocal cords inX-Men Legends II: Rise of Apocalypseand bothMarvel Ultimate Alliancegames.North also voiced my toy self inLEGO Marvel Super Heroes! (and no, don't ask me why that wannabeGwentook over my role in the sequel; stupid Perlmutter has probably something to do with it, remind me to fill his shoes with Legos) And I'm all over those games that people probably play in their toilets, such asMarvel Future Fight,Marvel Tournament Of ChampionsandMarvel Puzzle Quest, with that last having so much me they added aSpirit of VengeanceDeadpool! Better ready myNicolas Cageimpressions.And now I havemy own game!And it's all about me! Mankind, you're welcome. Why are you still reading this? GO BUY MY GAME! Don't pay no mind to those critics that gave it "mixed reviews" or some crap like that, they don't know jack about video games anyway. Trust me, my game'sthatawesome.ANDI've got a both areal pinball tableand adigital one! How cool is that?! They're the greatest pinball gaming experiences of all time (well, at least better than thatIron Mantableanyway).I get to appear in the more kid-friendlyAvengers Disk Warsand itsSpiritual SuccessorFuture Avengers, with my beautiful Japanese voice provided byTakehito Koyasuwho you all may know better as Mr."ZA WARUDO!", who's considered to be the Japanese counterpart to my good pal, Nolan (I wonder why they broughJason Spisakin for the dub, then?), not to mention considered possibly the seiyuu with sexiest voice. Thanks a lot, Toei! Because even for you Japanese weeaboos, I will still sound so sexay!InUltimate Spider-ManI starred in a episode geniuosly titled "Ultimate Deadpool"!My Real DaddyJoe Kelly wrote the script, andWill Friedleprovides my voice (notNolan North, but still does a great job and I am younger here than in other depictions). This show turned me into a formerS.H.I.E.L.D.agent, since the titular web-head gets his training through them. Considering how blatantly he stole my fourth wall-breaking, cutaway-inducing shticks, I kind of wish I replaced him as the star (and that "Ultimate Deadpool" title card looked pretty sweet too)! Unfortunately it was a one time thing. Mainly cause my veryR-Ratedmovie was on the horizon and well, this showwasunder Disney's roof (I mean before Ididofficially join them, but y'know, kids show). Plus that whole tug of way between Fox and Disney over X-Men rights going on too. Feh, didn't want to be in this merchandise-fueled charade anyway. Heard their Squirrel Girl was way too hyper too and I already deal with her enough in the comics, thank you.Iwasgoing to get an animated series on FX, but something about creative difference kept it from transitioning to the realm of reality. Honestly I could've lived with it, butthat motorcycle sounding bimbo had to make fun of me for it when she got her little cartoon series. But I'm a big man, got that tough skin, you know? Nothing some Ben and Jerry's and decapitated hyena heads in her bed can't fix.If you still can't get enough of my wonderful self, I'm also appearing inMarvel Ultimate Alliance 3: The Black Order(with Nolan back in business when it comes to playing me) for theNintendo Switch— which means you can play with meanywhere!noteIt's okay, I don't kink shame.I heard if you downloaded the Season Pass, you got to play as me early and got one of my favorite Taco Night outfits! I don’t think there could be a better pre-order bonus out there!Who wants tacos???And now I'm starring ina brand new mangacollaboration between Marvel and Shueisha. Expect many Jump references.Some of the many beautiful tropes that describe me include:open/close all foldersA-F'90s Anti-Hero: Some people think this was myOld Shame, but I was never anAnti-Heroin the 90's, just in my debut (my REALOld Shamefor being aDeathstrokeripoff). I was mostly just neutral at my most awesome or aPunch-Clock Villainat my second most awesome. Also, I was funny even back then, thanks to Mr. Nicieza.Achievements in Ignorance: That gambit mentioned below was almost messed up when I pushed Domino through a skylight, but she was lucky; the 372,844 pancakes I'd made that morning broke her fall. (Why? Dunno. Who says I need a reason to bake 372,844 pancakes?)Accuser of the Brethren: Sometimes I don't get to change because of the writers, sometimes they enforce that through the retribution of the loooooooong list of people I've wronged who don't want me to change.Adaptational Attractiveness: Whose the badass who made this tropedramatic? THIS GUY! In the comics, my ugliness varies from "humanoid wad of cancer" to "mistaken for Freddy Krueger cosplay",Depending on the Artist. ButbecauseI'm so ugly, I just keep the mask on and ignore it. Inmy big movie, I'm played byRyan Rodney Reynoldswith a bit of facial makeup. And because I'm notinhumanlyugly, I can obsess over the fact that I'm ruined and I have to hunt down Francis to unmake it.noteLying bastard.Adaptational Badass:Dudepeelshould not be me. But, if I have to admit it, he is a lottougherthan me. Instead of a teleporter and old-fashioned swords, he's got built-in teleportation andsome kinda crossbetweenWolvie clawsandkatana blades.Affably Evil: I am "sadistic, evil, but charming as hell."All Love Is Unrequited: The kittenishly sexy Irene Merryweather doesn't care about yours truly; she's hot for Nate. Guess I gotta abide by the bro code...Alliterative Name: Wade Winston Wilson.Nolan NorthandRyan Rodney Reynoldshave both done my voice.See what I did there?Alternate Universe: Several iterations of yours truly have been made into comic form for your perusal. There's also that Deadpool Corps thing, where we're all alternates of ourselves! FUN!And since Marvelknowsyou guys just can't get enough of me, they madeDeadpool Kills Deadpooljust to show how many of me they can stuff in the same comic - and how many of me I can slaughter!Always Someone Better: So what if people call me the discount version of Wolverine? That guy can get his butt kicked by refrigerator magnets!Anti-Hero: I am normally aNominal Hero, although it reallydepends on who's writing me.Anti-Villain: I'm aNoble Demonon theSliding Scale of Anti-Villains.Some Creepy Shapeshifter:You won't kill me. You're a superhero.Me:No. I'm not. [Neck Snap]Arch-Enemy:So, me and this jerkass merc called T-Ray didn't get along, and I assumed that it was just because he was, y'know, a totallyjellyjerkass, but then it turned out to be because he thinks he's the real Wade Wilson, and that I stole his name after offing him and his wife, Mercedes. Nobody really knows what's what (both of us being a bit loco will do that) but he doesn't really care and wants to make me pay anyway.You'd think Madcap and me would be the best of pals, we seem so alike, but I didn't like him rattling around in my brain after we fused that one time, and he didn't take me not taking that well very well, so he's dumped his absurdism shtick and is now all about making me miserable by destroying my rep (not hard, admittedly) and then me.Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking: Remember tropers, Ultimate Me isavailable for black ops, missions, assassinations, and birthday parties!And when I made a guest appearance (or two or six) onI'm a Marvel... And I'm a DC, I talked about how my guns allow me to interrogate people, shoot fleeing suspects, and get free DVDs from Best Buy!Ass Kicking Pose: Iinvokeit inHulk Vs. Wolverine, and it did the trick.Ass Shove: I have to usea lotof lube to hold all of my weapons.Atop a Mountain of Corpses: InCable & Deadpool#26, natch!Attractive Bent-Gender: I can really work a Marilyn Monroe dress. Even Agent Preston agrees.Audience? What Audience?: I do so enjoy our little chats, even if they seem to confuse the hell out of both my friends, enemies, and frenemies alike, because they can really only hear my end of them, so from their perspective I just look I'm staring into empty space with a goofy expression on my face and monologuing. Of course, I can't really hear your replies eithernoteUnless that Deadpool-brandedDating Simproject I keep pitching to the higher-ups at Disney happens to get approved some day...Sigh.Oh, well. A man can dream.so I guess they might be kinda right, but they don't have to know that.Ax-Crazy: TheUltimate Marvelversion of me rivals the me fromDeadpool Kills the Marvel Universein terms of how violent he is. Except inSpider-Man: Shattered DimensionswherePeter Davidmakes Ultimate me into the lovable merc you all love.Baa-Bomb: I had an inflatable sheep gun at one point. Unfortunately, the one time you feebs have the honor of seeing it, it fails me.Yours Truly: Missed? Inevermiss with the sheep gun.Badass Transplant: While my skills are 100% home grown, I'm not a mutant. My powers are a gift from Wolverine by way of the Weapon X program.Bad Guys Do the Dirty Work: I once made a promise to Sandi that I wouldn't kill herabusive boyfriend. Tasky... didn't make any promises.Bat Family Crossover: The eventTil Death Do Us.(seriously Marvel, why you hate the marriage?) that involved me, myfriends, the "Mercs for Money", andmy new buddy Spidey.Batman Gambit: Okay, how did I pull this one off again? Uhm... During theDark ReignI think... Oh, right! It all involved the manipulation of the X-Men, HAMMER,Norman Osborn, some guy called Kincaid (who I later found out was Mercury's dad), the SFPD, the public, the local news, and a chicken, over the course of five issues. (No, I'm dead serious here.) I first told the X-Men that I was going to kill Kincaid, causing a public outcry, making the X-Men look like criminals, then, I interrupted alive broadcast, wearinga home made X-Men outfit, then I let himself be caught by Domino (I knew she'd protect me when Cyclops told Wolverine to "take Deadpool out of the picture"; she's predictable). Then I got Domino to tell me her greatest fear, which was chickens. I got one and stuck it into an air vent in a train station, 'cause I knew thatOsborn would put Kincaid in an open spot to GET him killed to make the X-Men look bad(guy actually thought I was serious) and he expected the X-Men to rush in and save Kincaid by way of the vent, pulling out the lights FIRST to add to the confusion. Then he flushed Kincaid into the open. Anyway, while Kincaid was in the open, I kept an eye out for snipers, PROTECTING Kincaid, while making it look like I was going to kill him. Then, when Wolverine saved the guy, I made a run for it, I fought the X-Men on the roof (except for Wolverine who was in on it by now) where a guy with a camera was filming everything. In the end, just like I intended, the X-Men looked like heroes, and Osborn was a royal laughing stock! JUST LIKE I'D PLANNED!Battle Rapping: I onceentered a rap battleagainsta certain other mercenary who inexplicably became a legend among geeks and fanboys the world over. Seriously, who knew I could dance like that?Been There, Shaped History:Inglorious Basterds?Amateurs next to me, Nate andNick Fury! Take that,Stupid Time-Travelling Hitler!Berserk Button:Even being reminded of the Weapon X project brings me to a frothy rage.Also when T-Ray burned off my mask, and later when Zoe and Monty found me without one.Also, don't dis my chimichangas. Seriously, I will beat you for it with a humorously oversized mallet,even if you are the Cookie Monster.Being asked to do that PENCIL TRICK FOR THE GAJILLIONTH TIME! I just can't get away from it!Saying the prequelStar Warstrilogy was better than the original trilogy and thatHayden Christensengave a great performance in themwill be the last words you ever say.◊More of you need to watchShattered Glass, andThe Obi-Wan Showhadn't been made yet.I... AM... NOT... SPIDER-MAN!!!!!!Betty and Veronica: InMerc With a Mouth, while both of them were jerks, the blonde, serious, and usually fair Dr. Betty is the well... Betty, and the let loose darker haired Professor Veronica, who was just using me as a booty call (not that I'm complaining) and eventually turned into a zombie and tried to kill me (She is far less attractive as one. Trust me on this.) is the, um... Veronica. Huh. You think my writers are tropers too?White Box:More like they'd grown up readingArchie.Big Eater: All that Merc Work makes me hungry!I also have to feed myHealing Factor. But only if you want to be a nerd.Biting-the-Hand Humor: Why, yes. You do suck. Especially atfighting games.Black Comedy: Par for the course. I'm aPSYCHOPATH.Me:Astute observation, Captain Obvious.Me: Wait,did I just diss myself?Me:And this just surprises you right now? I mean, me?Blessed with Suck: I'm a living cancer! Of course I would enjoy the sweet smell of Death... in more ways than one.Blood Knight: I love fighting and killing. Read the page quote, and you'll know what I'm talking about.Blue-and-Orange Morality: I can be very heroic and friendly when I want to be. But blowing people up is just so much fun! You can see my dilemma.Body Horror: In the beginning of theDeadpool and his much less badass (but still vaguely attractive) sidekick Cableseries, we both get infected with some kind of virus thingamajig that overrides said sidekick's techno-organic virus and my healing factor andnearly melts us, and the only way we can stop it is by Cable giving me some of his blood and vice versa (yuck. Luckily we didnothaveta kiss as I initially feared). I end up turned into Wade-juice before I can get to Nate, though, so he uses his telekinetic powers to absorb me into his body and then throws me up (remember when I said yuck three sentences ago? Strike that.Thisis yuck-worthy). The whole gig getseven more disgusting, because from that point on, whenever Nate tries to teleport, his teleporting whatzamacallit recognizes us as one person and fuses our bodies together at arrival. He finds a way to fix things, though.Let's not forget my time with that asshole Bartol Utler, or Buttler as he calls himself.noteOkay, he didn't spell it that way, but still.Once he learned about my healing powers (while conveniently forgetting thatlovelylittle hitch it brought with it), he thought it'd be funny to use me as his personal organ bank. And boy did he love making withdrawals!Yeah, it was to save his sister, but in typical evil scientist fashion, it was also to make an army of mutants to sell to bad guys. Good thing his sister was more reasonable than Buttler.Breaking the Fourth Wall: This is one of my greatest and most awesome powers, and I'll do it again and again, just for you.I always wonder if my thoughts still appear in those lovely yellow boxes. So, I told them "I'm good!", loud and clear. Oooh, I'vemissedyou, little yellow boxes! Whatfunwe shall have together!Let's flip open the pages inCable & Deadpool. I have a feeling my dear readers might need a little bit of my help to get familiar with my awesome, lengthy story, well, aside from the obvious first page. They say I'm just being crazy as usual. Well, not that there's any moment I'm not batshit crazy to begin with?In the Britain-only special editions, my great power of fourth wall breakage is used out of the comic once again, having me answering a letter on the stash of love letters from my dear fans, with a detailed reference to the Marvel spotlight pages. And yeah, everyone freezes whenever I take a dump! Lemme take a toilet break again. Stand still until I come back!For reference's sake, I'm so well known for doing this that I took over my old Main/ namespace pageyearsago. Tropers (like you!) gave mealmost half a decadewithouta more typical pageon this site sincewho doesn't want to learn about Deadpool from Deadpool himself? Until that happened, this was the only page for info about my series you'd get on this site.Breakout Character: I may have started small, but it's scientifically proven that I am the most greatest Marvel character of all time.Wrecker: Buncha minor league wannabes, yer kidding right?Me: Wannabes?My Thought Box: Yeah, we got two books out right now.My Other Thought Box:And another one coming out next month.IstealMarvel Ultimate Alliance. After all, I refer to my team as"Deadpool and his Cronies"(Iceman's already invited if I formalize that,I heard he liked my style). In fact, you might even say that if it weren't for the wonderful people at Activision remembering me, I could still be languishing at the B-list today (probably even theC-list-ugh!), and I wouldn't have my own film, game etc. etc. Anyway, during the closing credits of the sequelI argue with the developer over not being powerful enough and the game not being called "Deadpool And His Inferior Friends." Then he goes ahead and nerfs me and has the nerve to threaten to make me DLC! What an ass!!!Oh, let's not forget to mentionthose X-Chumpsdidn't stand a ghost of a chance once I came into the picture (no, notthat one. Doesn't countanymore pal, though this constant timeline changes are so confusing). Sure,theyhadsomegoodmovies, but I was the guy who broke box office recordsandmade wearing red spandex look good again. Hell, if it wasn't for me,old tall dark and handsomewould have gotten a very nice sendoff before everythingall camecrashing downand the giant mouse bought out Fox. Now? All the guyswant to do what I did(though obviously they can't copy me that much), and it'sme(yes, ME) that'snotgetting rebooted when Mickey's recent acquisition joins the23 for 23club. Sorry Logan. Them's the breaks!Breakout Villain: Does anyone even remember that I was originally a supervillain mercenary who tangled with theNew Mutants? Now I'm more popular than all the New Mutants put together!Bring My Red Jacket: Why the red suit? So the bad guys can't see me bleed.Bring My Brown Pants: Not me,obviously: I know my color theme. But, Imightpoint out other people's need to start investing in this color when I turn up... Upon occasion. Hey: I lampshade. It's one of the many, many wonderful things I do.Movie Me:[pointing at a mook, while inside a wreaked car] This guy has the right idea! He wore the brown pants! [Mook looks down.]Brought Down to Normal:I lost myHealing Factorand immunity to death in one arc.Can't say I'll miss them. But I can say thatI got them back a couple issues later. Can't fight Harry S. Truman without them, am I right?Buddy Cop Show: There was this time I got stuck with this guy Cable. He was a straight-laced stickler for protocol, and me an unpredictable loose cannon with several cannons of my own.Rorschach and Dead-poooool! A nut and a fooool!Bullying the Dragon: I once did this to the Hulk inOperation: Annihilation... NOW DON'T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT, I had a plan with this, it was for him to smash me so hard I couldn't regenerate.He assumed that this was part of some trap, so I threatened to detonate some nukes if he didn't kill me. Too bad when I pushed him hard enough, there were some children around.Bunny-Ears Lawyer: I mentioned the whole "bat guano crazy and immortal badass" thing right?Taskmaster even once admitted that I was a better merc than him.Though most of the jobs I take don't end well for me, or the client either for that matter. It could be that's why people stopped hiring me for a while.Butt-Monkey: Bob. He's lonely, gets a lot of bad luck, and I LOVE to abuse him.But Thou Must!: After the whole"I Screw Weasel"arc, someVegas Executiveswanted me to be an enforcer full time...butI begged to differ.Butter Face: Nice, saliently muscled body (under the spandex anyway) but the face is... not that attractive to say the least.Until I finally reverted my face to its natural, pre-altered space!As if I didn't have enough ladies chasing after me already...Canada, Eh?: That's right! Your's truly, the greatest merc on the planet, is from the greatest, whitest, northiest country on the planet! Which city? ProbablyRegina, that one that rhymes with "fun".Canon Immigrant: So sincehe was well liked inmy movieI've now started getting regular cab rides from Dopinder, he complains less than the Uber drivers anyway.Captain Ersatz:Yeah, hate to admit it, but I started out as a ripoff of thatDeathstrokeguy fromTeen Titans(who is a rip-off ofTaskmaster! Making me a rip-off of a rip-off... We have to go deeper!). You can see it in the costumes, the jobs, even the names! As a tribute, Joe Kelly managed to sneak me intoThe DCUas the Earth-3 version of him. Also, I happened to meet the guy I was doppelganging during a Marvel/DC crossover.In Deathstroke's own early '90s book there was a "long lost half-brother" named "WadeLe Farge", who showed up wanting to become Deathstroke, and take away everything that belonged to him in gruesomely irrational fashion. Although I borrowed almost as heavily from thatcrazy-but-not-as-crazy-as-me-in-the-slightest clownand Spidey.And, as it turns out, DC went full circle and made aCaptain Ersatzof me. No, not that Earth-3 Deathstroke (OK, him too, but he was a one-shot so he doesn't count). Behold,RED TOOL!!!. And this guy is born just because someone want see me datingHarley QuinnnoteClosest thing I ever got was that wacko of aStalker with a Crush, Dr. Whitby, in case you kids don't know..Inner voice:Fitting name. 'S all I can say.Also, BILL! AGENT OF A.I.M.!Cast from Calories: I once explained that I have to eat a lot to allow myHealing Factorto work. Hey, all that biomass has to come from somewhere.Catchphrase: During Priest's run, I was fond of telling folks that the answer to their first question is SHADDUP. In the films, it seems to be "Maximum Effort".Cat Girl: Not me, but I do have my eyes set on one inMarvel Vs Capcom 3...Felicia: For the last time, I don't care how much catnip you have! I'm NOT getting in your car with you!Me: Awww... but why not?Cerebus Syndrome:The Good, The Bad, The Ugly,fromPosehn and Dugannpromises to change yours truly as a character. From what I've seen far,they're delivering.Characterization Marches On: In one of the Joe Kelly comics, I try to make the thought of seeingBea Arthurnaked sound like something a sane man wouldn't want to see. Now, I have a humongous crush on her.Chekhov's Gun: Daniel Way loves to write these in my stories. In one story, I hadChekhov's Exploding Chair, Chekhov's Buttloads of Cash, and Chekhov's Russian Nuclear Submarine... or is that Chekhov'sNuclear Wessel?Chekhov's Gunman:Oh sure Way, bring some other regenerating mercenaries who also attempt to make wisecracks.I'm soooooooooooooooo sure they won't be relevant in the future!And you know Carmelita Camacho? The hot Spanish chick I banged? Turns out she's more important than Posehn and Dugann led on...Chest Burster: The unexpected consequence of crossing my healing factor with a brood infection, Giger's estate should sue. Little Deadpal stuck around for a bit but I literally cut him off, cuz I started to care about him, and people I care about always get hurt if they're too close to me.Close on Title: Some of my stories, including the ones below, don't show their titles until the end.In an issue where my eardrums get destroyed by an explosion, and then I end up fighting magical mimes, there are no words at all till the last page, and the punny title,Silent But Deadly, is the very last thing of all.In the last issue of Gail Simone'sHealing Factorstoryline, the chapter number and title appeared at the end of the story, as well as some credits and a dedication to the readers.the Bronze Age-style"Drinking Game" has its name appear on some alcohol bottles scattered on the ground in the last panel.Cloudcuckoolander: Sometimes I think I'm a character in a story that's written by someone. Oh wait...I am.Combat Tentacles:I, a hideously deformed, twisted, lecherous, perverted, and amoral deviant freak of nature in good standing, wasflagrantlyfelt upby asexy and nubileyoungScottish woman! Is notraditionsacredanymore? Thank God that game is rated T, otherwise that huge comedy yell wouldn't have been acting. Honestly Morrigan,learn to aim!Back whenAlternate Universe!Cable was taken over by techno-organicsand sprouted loads of shiny metal tentacles. When they were attracted by my overwhelming charisma, I, naturally, went from "ow! ow! hey — that is incredibly personal space there — ow!!!" to "okay—hey—okay—okay—see, now I'm kinda liking it."Compromising Call: One of my attempts at a stealthy assassination was spoiled by my agent calling me. Doubles asEmbarrassing Ringtoneas the jingle heard is "YMCA". Okay, okay, if you REALLY wanna see it,it's right here...Confusion Fu: My legendary fighting style, key in my victory againstTaskmaster, is exploiting my natural craziness to throw him off his game.Consummate Liar: Comes with being a merc. Sometimes telling the right lie is what gets me out of a jam, and I'm really good at lying.Cool and Unusual Punishment: During a climactic battle with a highly cultured German douchebag assassin known as the Black Swan, I invade the guy's home, give his guards some bad cases of dead, destroy large sections of surrounding forest, deface art that's worth millions of dollars and do everything possible to get the guy to fight me. Then when I start singing country and western songs over the PA system...Black Swan: "He dies!He dies SCREAMING!!!"Covered with Scars: Or maybe they're just tumors. Or both, even. I dunno.Crazy-Prepared: Remember one time when I fought against bunch of Draculas in the hospital? That's right I have a Priest bless the reservoir tank 12 hours before that so I can use it to sprays holy waters against all of those Draculas. And the anti-ballistic shower curtains in my bathroom that I use to prepare myself for Black Swan's attack.Cursed with Awesome:One time, I insulted Loki, so he made me have Tom Cruise's face until I apologized. The thing was so indestructible, I nearly gave up on ever ripping it off. The fact that a side effect of an indestructible face was an indestructible body allowed me to survive an explosion that left me as the only thing remaining in one piece in the middle of a huge crater. However, Loki removed the curse immediately after I figured out how awesome this is.Okay, so me andThanosboth have the hots for Death. The solution, considering thestandard approachkinda won't work here and theotherstandard approachis never gonna happen? Thanos made meimmortal. I mean, I was alreadynearlyinvincible before thanks to my healing factor, but now that high threshold has been eliminated, so I'mnevergonna die! And people sayI'man asshole...Dark and Troubled Past: I don't wanna talk about it...Deadpan Snarker: The one and only. Everybody comments on my wit (not just other characters).During my face off withThe Punisherin issue #55, I said that I even get tired of my own talking)."I just drone on and on. Sometimes I just don't know when to shut up. And that's why I have to kill you . . . so I can pay my phone bill!"In one issue, I was snatched by aDeath Trapenthusiast. I was chained down underneath a giant teddy bear(just go with it), which descends lower every time I spoke and will eventually smother me. I had to break my own limbs to get out just 'cause I wouldn't shut up. At least, the bear wasoriginallygoing to smother me, but because of my constant blathering, as Deathtrap (yes, that's the jerkwad's codename) put it:Deathtrap: Fascinating! Teddy has approached ramming speed.Deal with the Devil: Back in the '80s (it was aretcon) I made a deal with a demon named Vetis to getIron Manto drink. How'd I get out of it? I sucker-punched Stark, stole his armor, and got drunk in it! I never did get my payment of a laser disc factory, though.Death-Activated Superpower: How I got my Spiffy McSpiffHealing Factor! Wait a minute, does this mean I'm a zombie?! No wonder I findHsien-koso adorable!Death Seeker: I'm not overly cautious when it comes to life-threatening injuries. With my healing factor, who would be? It helps that Death is HOT!Deconstruction:So,youthought having a psychotic, immortal assassin wasfunny, huh?Youthought it would befunnyfor me to take on the whole Marvel Universe, right? Well, inDeadpool Kills the Marvel Universe, I do. I murder every single one of your beloved heroes and villains, becauseyouthought it would befunny. Well, what do you think?Is all this stillfunnyto you?!...Don't Answer That.Wade Wilsons Wardeconstructs my comedic insanity byshowing that I could really just be some lunatic out of touch with reality that has no clue what's going on,maybe.Depending on the Artist:My stunning mug has ranged from "slightly bad acne" to "pureNausea Fuel" to "oddly enough resemblesThe Thing." Usually I'm somewhere in between, with a somewhatFreddy Krueger-facefucking-Utah-topographical-map-like appearance. On the other hand, my body is constantly in flux, so my appearance does change from time to time. At least, I hope that's what's happening...Though I will say, sometimes I don't look too bad◊.Also, a few minor but still easy to notice details of my costume keep changing. The size/shape of the black patches on my eyes, what kind of gloves/boots I have, whether I have that little tuft...flap...thingy on the back of my mask, etc. And if I have 2 guns and two swords, 1 sword and 1 gun, 2 swords and 1 gun, or1gun and2swords,or... *shoots his brains out*BLAM!Also, if my eyes when I'm unmasked are normal or still blank orbs.Depending on the Writer: Eventually even me and T-Ray stopped caring about who really was Wade Wilson, so we just accepted that it depended on the writer. Also determines how crazy I am, which side of theHeel–Face Revolving DoorI'm leaning towards that day...Much like Bender, the writers can't seem to decide whether or not I'm aJerk with a Heart of GoldAnti-Heroor anAnti-Villain.Derivative Differentiation: I used to just beDeathstrokein red, until they made me insane and gave me my own fighting style.Determinator: Usually I gotta tangle with opponents much more high-falutin' and edumacated than I is. Doesn't stop me from tryin'.Digital Piracy Is Evil: I gave that nutcase Carnage an earful the finest illegally downloaded dubstep. And I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for his meddling girlfriend.Don't Fear The Reaper: I fell in love with Death! Too bad Thanos took this as an opportunity to make me immortal so that I could never court her.Downer Ending:Wade Wilson's Warall took place in my head andDom and I are reduced to a pair of foam-in-the-mouth paraplegics! Actually, there are some parts that are left vague and open to interpretation.GUH! MY BRAIN!Dream Sequence: In one issue of Priscila and Deadpool, Black Mamba used her powers to distract me by making me dream of my greatest desire — which at the time was rubbing sunscreen on Cable's back on a sunny beach. Drinks with tiny umbrellas and WD-40 may also have been involved.Duct Tape for Everything: Checkthis◊out. Oh, there was alsothat timewhen Cable,Captain Americaand a few others frickin'cocoonedme with duct tape in an empty warehouse and left me there for hours. And to make things worse...I had to pee.Dude, Where's My Respect?: Despite being one of the deadliest characters in the Marvel Universe, I get no respect from anyone.My Little White Thought Box:You once ran through Avenger's Tower butt naked. Why should they?Did I Just Say That Out Loud?: I do this alot(for all you know, this whole thing might have been transcribed from me babbling in the ear of one o' you tropers for a few hours). My internal yellow caption box monologue is often 'broken', usually without me realizing it, meaning everyone else on the page can hear what I think. Sometimes, I only think I'm doing an internal monologue, when I'm really talking. Also, I tend to have very disturbing dreams, plus a habit of sleeptalking just before I wake up, creating very embarrassing moments for everyone involved.Me: No, G.I.Joe, don't do that to Barbie... It's so very,very, wrong... — Uhm... I wasn't dreaming anythingtooembarrassing, wasn't I?Irene(staring): No... Not by your standards, no.Did You Just Romance Cthulu: Did I have a love affair with Death herself? You bet I did!11th-Hour Superpower: I get four symbiotes for my final fight against Carnage.It was so hilarious!Embarrassing Ringtone: One of my attempts at a stealthy assassination was spoiled by my agent calling me, and my ringtone was "YMCA".Everyone Has Standards: I might be a merc and an assassin for hire, but I tend to only accept contracts on really bad people (and the occasional superhero) and as the above example with the psychiatrist proves,"Kids. Are. Off. Limits!". In fact, once, when a bunch of mercs broke me out of a jail and murdered several cops in the process, I turned on them and killed the whole lot of them.Embarrassing Nickname: Nate does not like it when I call him Priscilla. It's not my fault I can't keep track of all his damn names!He still hasn't caught up.Empowered Badass Normal: I'm an expert in a gazzilon forms of combat. TheHealing Factoris a big part of why I kick so much ass, but I was still a badass before it.Escapist Character: Admit it, younerdswish you were as cool as me, dontcha? I put the "success"and"insanity" inSuccess Through Insanity, I got an assload of guns, swords, and other such killin' tools, theFourth Wallis my bitch, and I pull off theRob Liefeldlook better thanRob Liefeldever could!Evil Twin: Evil Deadpoolwho is made out of various limbs that I have lost over the years.Exactly What It Says on the Tin: Hit-Monkey. A hitman who's a monkey. No, really.Exploiting the Fourth Wall: In one issue I beat up the writer of my own comic book in order to get the location of the person I was tracking down.Expressive Health Bar: In several video games, most notablyMarvel vs. Capcom, I can physically pick up his health bar and use it as a weapon to strike enemies.Expressive Mask: My face moves, it moves. ... kinda creepy when you think about it.Expy: The Ultimate Marvel version of me was basicallyDonald Piercecosplaying as me.Fanboy:OfThe Golden Girls. RIPBea. AndBetty Whiteloved my movie! Another proud moment.I'm a fan boy of Captain America! Did they remember the time he was possessed by some alien thing and I kicked him in the crotch to save the world though?Me:No one remembers but us.Me:The guy who made next issue's coverseems to remember though.One time I was mashed to a pulp byThor!!!(fanboysqueal)I played the shit out ofStreet Fighter. Even used aShoryukenon a few occasions! Got tomeet Ryu, too, but that asshole wouldn't autograph his spleen for me! What a dick!Fan Disservice: Kind of depressing to know that even in a universe where I'm a shapely sex bomb, I'm not allowed to NOT be horribly deformed. Lady Deadpool may actually be even more off-putting than me.Fanservice: While Lady Deadpool is wearing her mask.and though I'm not supposed to know it, she got her face healed during our team up inDeadpool Corp, so now she's beautiful even without her mask. Well, beautiful in a "Drawn By Rob Liefeld" kinda sense.Fantastic Racism: The Ultimate Marvel version of me is an evil, mutant-killing bigot.Flanderization: Some people say that my wackiness and fourth-wall breaking has been taken so far that it undercuts the violent and self-destructive psychoses inherent to my character. On the other hand, does the Marvel Universe really need anotherCanadian with Rage Issues, Regenerating Healing Powers, and a convoluted backstory complicated by Swiss-Cheese Memory, ora flamboyant joke-cracker in a red costume, whose snark covers up his inner angst?For Halloween, I Am Going as Myself: In someGwen chick's2016 Holiday special I inserted a story about this. Hey! It was aholidayspecial, and Halloween is a holiday, deal with it! Turns out, one successful movie and enough people dressed as me that Squirrel-Girl could organize a me costume contest. Did I enter? Well, yes. And I would have won too if I wasn't disqualified for being me! Deadpoolscrimination!Squirrel Girl: Umm... sorry to intrude on your page Wade, but you still won the "Minimum Effort" ribbon. Deservedly too. I mean, there are hardly any lazier costuming ideas than resorting to this trope.Fourth-Wall Mail Slot: In my series, I've often recapped the story arc so far in the first page. And then answered my own fan mail. In said Mail Slot, I'm often accompanied by other characters from my series... who are very confused as to who they're supposed to be talking to. Their expression are worth the effort. To me, anyway. I guess you can't see them.Fourth-Wall Observer: Fabian Nicieza usually makes a recap page that isn't in continuity, which means that blobs likethe Blobcan break the fourth wall at will during the recap page. One recap page had Cable hinting to me that he'd infected me with subliminal messages. Since the recap page wasn't in continuity, I didn't know about the meeting, which didn't stop me from, in the story, saying these words:Me: Y'know, I'm really beginning to wish the recap page were part of my regular continuity, 'cause then I might have a clue...The Fourth Wall Will Not Protect You: There was this guy interviewing my actor and saying how great it was that my movie would be rated PG-13. I left Comic Land and punched him in the face for that. (Well, actually I broke a stagelight over his face, but that's almost the same thing).French Maid Outfit: I used this in issue 20 of Way's run. What? I need a disguise, read the story!.The Friend Nobody Likes: Name a group I've been part of and you'll be hard-pressed to find one that doesn't hate my guts.Friend to All Children:Hey, I'm great with interacting with children! In fact,the Ultimate meisavailable for birthday parties! Well...was. I killed him inDeadpool Kills Deadpool... And unlike me, he was a mutant-hating jerk anyway.Also, hurting, raping, and killing children in front of me will get thereallynasty side of meas Dreadpool found out after killing Kidpool.* Freudian ExcuseFun Personified: Anyone who disagrees usually has a stick up his ass - and it can be a literal one, put by myself.Fusion Dance: Turns out the Little White Thought Box was the result of one of these between me and Madcap, another crazy regenerating guy, only with a much worse fashion sense (I got stuck in aFur Bikini).G-NGambit Roulette: So get this: I was attacking a ship of Skrulls and Super Skrulls, then offered 'em my services, then got captured, tortured, cloned for Super Deadpool Skrulls, then convinced the scientist to let me train the Deadpool Skrulls so they can kill all the other Skrulls on the ship. Knowing that the Deadpool Skrulls were all doomed because theythey don't have cancer, I could then steal the information. None of this wasNick Fury's plan, but damn it was fun.The Greatest Story Never Told: I've saved the world on quite a number of occasions, it's just that no one was there to see them.Good Thing You Can Heal: I'm more than a little willing to subject myself to injuries that would kill a normal man. AHealing Factorreally comes in handy in the merc business.Guns Akimbo: Aw yeah! Double the guns, double the fun.Have I Mentioned I Am Heterosexual Today?: Hello, ladies! As I told my good friend and teammate Thor just the other day, I'm heterosexual! Okay, I might have a man-crush for Cable, Spider-Man, Thor, Wolverine and the Punisher, but doesn't everybody?Healing Factor: The cancer repeatedly spreading to my brain and instantly healing is the reason I'm so much saner than everyone else!The Heart: I function as this inUncanny X-Force. When you got me asThe Heart, something is seriously wrong withThe Team. I never cashed Warren's checks for the better part of a year!Heart Is an Awesome Power: Guess what? It turns out that insanity is key in finding out the inner workings of Carnage's mind, making me the perfect candidate to track him down.Heel–Face Revolving Door: Sometimes I may pal around with the so-called "superheroes" if there's some big nasty that has to be dealt with, yet when I see them again because I was hired to beat the crap out of them, they complain! Considering how often most of them do the wholeHeel–Face Turnthing in their own books, why are they shocked again? Hypocrisy, man. Sometimes even I don't know which side I'm on; like when I betrayed the X-Men for Cable. Iwasleaning a bit more towards the Face side in that series though...Hero with an F in Good: F as in fantastic! Wait, that's not what it stands for...? I mean, how could anybody pass if even copying off that geek Spidey doesn't help?Heroic Build: I'm a superpowered assassin that's a mixup of Mr. Muscles and Metal! What do you expect?Heroic Comedic Sociopath: In my very best mood I am a hilarious comedian that uses blood and guns as my props. In my worse moments I'm paid to be an assassin and torture artist, and have personally eviscerated thousands of people for cash, kicks, and giggles. And lo, do I giggle.Heterosexual Life-Partners: Me and Cable are best bros forever.Hidden Depths: Okay, if I'm allowed to drop the whole "haha funni crayzee merc guy" act for a bit, I'm gonna level with you for a bit. I won't lie, my moral compass doesn't point anywhere near north, but that doesn't meant it points south either.noteMaybe east or west?That one time where Archie the Archangel got so hungry he was about to die? Name one other guy who'd cut off his own flesh and feed it to him if it meant saving his life!As someone with his own trademarked brand of mental baggage, you have no idea how badly I just want it all to end. But not only did I realize that there is a better option, I'm more than willing to pass that on. To a completely random stranger, in fact.That bit where Buttler kept taking my organs for his little experiments?He kidnapped my one-time girlfriend and our daughter just so I'd listen to him. Yeah, really says something about a guy if he's willing to kiss the ass of some shitbag that's basically holding a gun to the heads of some girl he had a fling with and their kid he never even met if it means they get to live. Instead, in true superhero fashion, I went on a rescue mission to an internment camp to save them.Except I didn't.I saved all the inmates, but I found my girlfriend in a mass grave. As for my daughter, I went through hell trying to find her again, but like I told her,sometimes you can't go home again. Again, says a lot about a guy if he's willing to cut himself out of his daughter's life if it means she gets to be happy.Highly-Visible Ninja: Bright red is the most apparent part of my costume. I'm highlyaudibletoo.'cause I love to talk so much.Hilarious Outtakes: The last issue of my regular series, theGail Simone-penned 69th issue, ends with some.Hit Me, Dammit!: I spent the better part of an issue trying to getWolverineto stab me. But he was being a wuss, so IShoryuken'dKitty Pryde instead. That worked. Also, for me to unleash the fury ofmy Level 3 specialinMarvel vs. Capcom 3, people have to hit me whilst I am walking.I Know Mortal Kombat: I am an avid gamer.Street Fightertaught me to sock Kitty Pride with aShoryuken.Even got to use it against actual Street Fighters!I Just Want to Be Loved: Deep down, I actually want to be acknowledged and accepted by the rest of the heroes in the Marvel Universe.I finally get my wish in X-Force when Evan thanks me for saving him and calls me a hero.Zero context* I Resemble That Remark!: I say those exact words often.Idiosyncratic Episode Naming: Each issue ofThe Circle Chasehad the word "duck" in its title.Ignorance Is Bliss: I decided to celebrate my 300th issue and over a dozen chapters of totally ruining my cozy, newfound existence as an Avenger bywiping away all my memories of Duggan's run with delicious Weapon X amnesia drugs! On one hand, Character REGRESSION, on the other, the writers ofFresh StartDeadpool won't be hampered by the baggage of the previous run. And I can forget all the heartbreak, betrayals, revelations, and calamities and just be a handsome blank slate for new readers.Image Song: MyMarvel vs. Capcom 3theme song has managed to capturemy essence: "DO THE WALK, DO THE TALK,DON'T BE A FOOL, GO TO SCHOOL."Immortality: On top of myHealing Factor, I'm also immortal thanks to Thanos. Since I'm made of cancer, nobody but my fans and Death love me, and I'm in love with Death, it's not all it's cracked up to be.Implausible Boarding Skills: I surf onPhoenix Wright's OBJECTION! speech bubblein theUltimate Marvel Vs Capcom 3opening! In the air! With lots of debris and paper around me!Inferred Holocaust: Yeah it's been brought to my attention in "Operation Annihilation" even though I saved the kids at that school Hulk sent me flying towards, he still destroyed the whole in his chase after me. And this is not brought up by me or anybody else. Oops.Inter Generational Friendship: Me and Even, bordering onParental Substitute.In Name Only:InX-Men Origins: Wolverinethe Deadpool has my healing factor but we don't share much else in common. That guy's"dead pool" of mutant powers includes the healing factorplus'' adamantium skeleton,Baraka blades, optic eye blasts and teleportation. And near the endhis mouth is sewn shut because, get this, someone finally found a way to keep him quiet!TheUltimateversion of Deadpool has little to nothing to do with my classic gorgeous self either, being little more than a grotesque (especially compared to me),mutant-hatingpsychopath.Inspirationally Disadvantaged: I remind people with illnesses that they too may also be awesome one day. Not as much as me, but then again, who is?Interrupted Cooldown Hug: I ticked off a calming Hulkintentionally!Irisless Eye Mask Of Mystery: Just look at my image at the top of this page and don't tell me it doesn't make me look like the awesome BADASS I AM! Or then at least more badass than that lamebat-costumed detectivefrom a certain comic book that will be left unnamed.* Ironic Echo: "Fate delivered you to me."It Makes Sense in Context:That time I garroted Santa Claus with a string of barbed wire. As mentioned above, my narration referred to the ordeal as "a routine assignment." And the strangling Santa incident actually isn't allthatbizarre compared to some of the other things I get up to...Better yet: Fulfilling my childhood dream bywearing raw meat as body armorand senselessly beating a super villain dressed like a superhero (Hawkeye, then called Bullseye) witha giant ham.Jerkass: Hey, I resemble that remark! Though admittedly, Icanbe aJerk with a Heart of Gold, like inCable & Deadpool#17.Jumped at the Call: Unlike thatAdamantium angstbagor thatwhiny web-slinger, I love what I do. I was a badass normal before getting awesome powers.Justified Trope: Believe it or not, there's anIn-Universereason for my constantly fluctuating level of sanity! Since my healing factor is out of control (my body is walking talking cancer) even mybrainis rewiring itself with some regularity.Kansas City Shuffle: My genius plan to getNorman Osbornto pay up after he stole one of my marks and ruined my rep.No onescrews with my professional reputation.Katanas Are Just Better: I could use any kind of sword to kill people better than most other people in the universe, so at that point, why wouldn't I use katana?Kavorka Man:Aww yeah, you know it, ladies.Lady Death(whoops, sorry,MistressDeath, butLady Deathis sexy, too),Vanessa,Typhoid Mary,Siryn,Dr. Betty, Professor Veronica,Lady Deadpool,Outlaw,Morrigan,Felicia, and themillions upon millions of others, who have succumbed to my25 Charisma stat(despite a 15 Disfigurement one that qualifies me as"Kavorka"). In myMarvel vs. Capcom 3ending, I got to mac with most of the lovely ladies at my slammin' party after wasting Galactus's purple pimply ass! Until I accidentally wiped out Cleveland... whoops!I was once married to a demon queen! AND EVERYONE came to the wedding.EVERYONE. The bride's maids were all over me too.NowRogueof all people has taken an interest in me! And she made the first move! I tried to warn her that I liked her too much to ruin her, and that she only likes me because she doesn't really know me. But she seems to really like me!Hopefully she won't hate me too much when she finds out i'm working with Hydra...Oh, and bonus points, she likes Ellie, and promised to watch over her if she becomes a mutant!The Knights Who Say "Squee!":In oneDeadpool Team-Uparc, I go fanboy overThoreven when he's beating me up!Thor: You will be handed over to the authorities. Imprisonment shall be yours. The fate of a thief.Me:I really find you very attractive.BeatMe:Did I say that out loud?Also withCaptain America!I also really dig those cool cats fromStreet Fighter.Why won't they sign their spleen for me, though?Lampshade Hanging: Oh, so often. I'm the only one that knows we're all in a comic book.Large Ham: What do you mean I'm an overactor?Lawyer-Friendly Cameo: A Superman/Batman special featured a snarky, motor-mouthed, katana-wielding, regenerating costumed super-hero (that's aPalette Swapof Deathstroke) "trying" to save the life of Bruce Wayne from a bunch of assassins. ARunning Gagthroughout the comic is that the "mysterious hero" keeps trying to say his name, but never manages to. Did I mention thatJoe Kellywrote this annual?Leeroy Jenkins: I should've just run in and scream outta my lungs like,"WAAAAADEEEE!!! WIIIILLLLSSOOOOONNNN!!!!!". Or maybe"DEAAAADDDD!!! POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLL!!!!!". Boy, I should've logged on to that server sometime.Hey, I actually did it in issue #36. Though yeah, gotta credit the origin so I yelledLEEROOOOOY JEEEENKIIINSS!!!instead.Legacy Character: Yours truly once filled in for Wolverine as WolverineinWolverines, because it's very important for the world to have a Wolverine in it, and Logan was, you know, dead at the time, and Marvel kept saying that this time he wasn't coming back.Someonehad to do it, but I don't understand why the X-Men, the Avengers, Alpha Flight,orS.H.I.E.L.D. wouldn't let me play! I mean come on! Logan and I go way back, but they're going to let theclonedo it instead? How unoriginal is that! They could at least have let X-29 do it,sheat least had a sense of humor.Less Embarrassing Term: After some heckling from a bystanderBystander: Nice scooter, freak!Me: It's a motorbike! It's 100% manly!Let's Get Dangerous!: I say with not an ounce of bragging that the best example is my showdown with Tiamat. I got so dangerous that Istopped talking. Don't tell anyone, but I kinda scared myself when I thought about that.Lethal Joke Character:You read that right kiddies, the nutso motormouth is also the most dangerous merc around!Likes Older Women: OhBea Arthur, my angel, my star, no man can love you like I do... I also have an on-off thing withDeath, but that's a bit more complicated.Too bad both of them are together now...or is it?Loud of War: I once thought Cable was going to transmit an endless loop of the Backstreet Boys. When he found out, he almost did. Later, I did the same thing to Black Swan, with country music.Ludicrous Gibs: I make these whenever I can. God, it's so fun making large amounts of body confetti fly all over the place!The Mad Hatter: I might be insane, but that's what makes me awesome! And allows me to notice the delightful people watching!Major Injury Underreaction: I encounter areally pretty lady on the moon.Just roll with it.Me: I'll be totally upfront here. I find you really attractive. Why don't we just put our differences aside and have some dinner? Family. House. Kids.She opens her mouth in a manner that is NOT for man. And out comes what appear to be flesh eating locusts. That charge at me and presumably begin eating my flesh. I mean, who wouldn't?Moi: You totally misunderstood my proposal.Man of a Thousand Voices: Inmy game, courtesy ofNolan North. Granted, most of those voices are in my head.Manipulative Bastard:In one issue of the Deadpool comics, I betray my employer andfeed him to his zombie capturers— it makes sense in context — while double-crossing the zombies too.Betrayed Zombie Dude: You... betrayed us... you betrayed us all.Me:Duh!-kicks zombie in the head-Also, inDeadpool#18, I set up an elaborate gambit to make the X-Men look good. Which was not easy; emo, as you know, is so out. Seems like Way is shaping me up to be one...In each "episode" of the5 Roninmaxi-series, I step in to rescue or aid my fellow ronin in their own personal adventures.I have a plan, trust me, it will work out in the end.Martial Pacifist: As "Zenpool" I don't do the stabbing and shooting and blowing up anymore. I knock crooks out with a cold turkey and tie them up. That personality doesn't even carry around my guns anymore!McNinja: Katanas. Acrobatics. If you ignore the "stealth" part (I do! It's boring), I am definitely a ninja. In fact, as I mention (in one of my first series' letter pages) I've undergonebona fideninja training. Whether to believe me or not is up to you! Apparently someone at Marvel reads this page, because they went and gotsome guy named Chris Hastingsto write a miniseries for me! I went and read up on the guy and lemme tell ya, I think I'm in good hands. Here's hoping I meet the good doc.Medium Awareness: You know how some guys have cosmic awareness? Well I've gotcomicsawareness!Seriously, am I the only person inthat one fighting gamewho realized there was a screen,sawthe health meter, or noticed the sucky guy with the controller? Jeez, man, why does he get to sit around and I have to do the work.I mean, except forthat other 4th wall mutilating Marvel character? Seriously,somebody should make her my new co-star instead of that smelly old cyborg! She's a fun-loving saintwith tattered clothing and raging emotions, who can out-romance Tony Stark! I'm a fun-loving homicidal maniac who will humpAnything That Moves!What could go wrong? I'd even keep her busy with hundreds of legal cases to solve... 'cause that's just the kind of giving guy that I am. I can imagine her response now:She-Hulk: Here's a legally binding restraining order... oh, screw it. Biiig. Faaancy. Leetteer. Wiiith. Loooong. Faaancy. Wooords. Teelliing. Yooouu. Tooo. Staaay. Theee. #$%&. Awaayy. Froom. Meee. Now go away. I feel unclean just from being within a 10 mile radius of you.Played for drama in "Deadpool Kills the Marvel Universe", where my Medium Awareness takes a disturbing turn. The reason that version of me starts killing Marvel heroes and villains is because they aren't "Real", he thinks that because it's all fictional it doesn't matter who he kills and that they can't really feel since they aren't real.Meta Guy: I never hesitate topoint outwhen things are starting to get silly (which happens quite frequently in comic books,amazingly enough).A Mind Is a Terrible Thing to Read: Getting into my personal brainspace is not recommended. As a certainalien symbiote-suitfound out. Poor little thing, wonder what happened to it...noteWhat, you didn't know I was around for the Secret War? Not many people do, actually.Mind Screw: I pull off an example in my Marvel Knights mini-seriesWade Wilson's War, with it's ambiguous ending and all.* Mix-and-Match Man: Me! I got parts of Wolverine in me and other stuff too.The Mockbuster: Massacre, Who is the Mexican knock-off of me! Complete with crappy costume and parchment for glorious gory violence that only a foreign superhero movie can bring. He's still aBadass Normalto the point ofturning an ocolot to his side just by staring into his eyes.And unlike Turkish Spiderman he's still a good guy.noteBy the way in Spanish speaking countries I am known as Massacre.Morality Chain: Me and Nate were yanking each other all over the place inCable and Deadpool, trying to keep each other grounded.Morality Pet: Siryn, Blind Al, Cable and Genesis prove that I'm not just a pyscho with guns.Motor Mouth: I just love the sound of my own voice. I wouldn't even call it a "Motor Mouth." More like a "Nuclear-Powered Hydraulic Super Mouth."Most Common Superpower: Outlaw has a great rack.Multiple-Choice Past: Ask three of my fans about where I came from and you'll get four different answers. Even I've given up trying to figure it out.* The Musical: Volume 3 Issue 49.1Murder the Hypotenuse: More likeGrant the Hypotenuse Immortality. Thanos made me immortal just so he could have Death all to himself. Jerk...Mythology Gag:My Belt O'Pouchesactually comes in handy inUncanny X-Force.Wait.What.While we're at it,I'm finally an X-Man!Albeit a dirty, blackops X-Man in an X-Team that shouldn't even be made known of...STANDARD PROCEDURE!In thescript that will never be made despiteallthreatstoallstudioheads'families, I say that "a little piece of me curled up and died the day this came out" when I appear to be talking about the...thingthat showed up inX-Men Origins: Wolverine. Okay, so it really turns out that I'm talking about aWham!album,but that shit's still in the trash. Loser!Narrating the Present: Tonight, as I inflitrate Whatever-Place-I'm-Paid-To-Inflitrate, I shall also be your host, along with the Little Yellow Box and the Little White Box, and then blow my cover because that security guard is wondering why I'm talking out loud.Never Hurt an Innocent: I never harm anyone who isn't involved in my actions. This extends especially to law officers as the jerks who broke me out of prison found out.Never Say "Die":Yep, this happened to me once. It was in a not-exactly-canon Avengers comic aimed more toward the kiddies (Marvel Adventures), so I was constantly identified as "Wade Wilson, also known as—" just before the expositor got cut short by someone else. Oh, that reminds me: Kraven, you still suck.Also, inUltimate Spider-Man (2012), I was given this weird tic where I constantly say I... "un-alive" people, instead of "kill".New York Is Only Manhattan: The main stories in the comic all take place not only on Manhattan, but within a 5 or 10 block Midtown area.Ninja Pirate Zombie Robot: I've faced a zombie version of me, become a pirate, and I technically dress up as a ninja. Three out of four ain't so bad... not!Now: to forceReed Richardsto make me a Robopool!OrTony Stark. OrHank Pym. Or the Fixer, damnit, the list goes on, there's so many people who can make friggin' robots in the Marvel Universe anyway.And then I fight Marcus, who is a Centaur WerewolfAlien Symbiote...with diabetes.No Fourth Wall: None of this is really happening, you know. Somewhere out there, there is a man with a typewriter, andthisis all his twisted imagination... Well, okay, there might be more than just one man, and they might be using keyboards and those unwieldy touch-screen doohickies rather than typewriters, but you get the point."Oh, I've missed you, little yellow boxes! Whatfunwe shall have together."noteWell, that wasbeforemy yellow box got a life of its own and I got a little white box to act as "voice of reason" or something like that...InThe Randomverse, where the Fourth Wall is already in pieces, I broke it even harder. Everyone in the videos knows that we're comic book characters, but onlyIknow I'm an action figurerepresentingthe character. And to break it up to eleven I begin, in my yellow thought bubbles, to complain about the poor animation quality, and wonder why the creators didn't use a better editing software. As if a simple action figure can capture my awesomeness!It gets to the point were I'm theonly onein the Marvel universe that knows aboutSpider-Man's deal with Mephisto... err, besides Mephisto that is.And then there's me beating the snot out of people inMarvel vs. Capcom 3with my own health bar. If only the players would bother learning my game breaking awesome combos instead of relying on X-Factor, the lazy bums!No Good Deed Goes Unpunished: Y'know, I keeptryingto be nice, but no one seems acknowledge it.Even when they do, I don't get acceptance. Although there was this one time, right after I escaped from a British Mental Institute, shortly before I ran intoEvil Deadpool, where I saved a bunch of Third Worldies, I was just trying to take control of the ship so I could get back to dry land. I think I got a slightly warm fuzzy feeling when the only one who could speak English told me I was a good person. That's a start at least. And I guessNatedid. A little.Noodle Implements: InMarvel: Ultimate Alliance 2, I suggest that Nick Fury give mea poodle, a bullhorn and four nunsin order to distract Marvel'snot-so-subtlelovers.Noodle Incident:You'll never know my ultimate diss, a diss so potent it makes Marines weep and women lose function of their pancreas...Yo Mamageddon.And we'll never know how I,Cable, and the Fixer ended up in St. Louis, fighting a villain who released adiarrheticover Old Busch Stadium during a Cardinals game (though I thought that was just the fifty franks he ate).O-ZObfuscating Insanity: It's never really clear how much of my insanity is real and how much is an act.Different writers have different opinions on this matter.Obfuscating Stupidity:It's implied, quite a bit, that my "insanity" is just my way of coping with myhorrible position in life. Either that or I'm just adownrightnutjob. But hey!At least I killed that guy that did ungodly things to your next door neighbor's five-year-old daughter!This is Peter Milligan's interpretation of me in5 Ronin.I'm also smart enough to know that making people think I'm stupid gives me ahugeadvantage. Laughing at me makes it really easy for you to underestimate me, and makes it even easier for me to surprise thehellout of you. You might even die surprised, know what I'm saying?O.O.C. Is Serious Business: Little warning, if my inner voices ain't talking,I'm 100%not fucking around.Odd Friendship:With Cable. Man, he can be such a dick sometimes. It really suits him.Cable: And Wade, of course.Our fates seem to be intertwined. God help me.And with Genesis, Apocalypse's clone.AndCaptain Americaand Wolverine...it's getting weird to say that I even have friends.And then there's my new BFFGabby, one of the only people ever not put off by my ugly mug. She evengave me the finger.In a box!If that's not friendship, what is?Only Sane Man: You know, everyone calls me crazy, and they might have a point; on the other hand, none of them realize they are actually comic book characters, so who isreallythe crazy one?Other Me Annoys Me: One time I was trapped in a room for 800 years (long story) so I imagined up a duplicate of myself so I could play hangman. (Even longer story.) Couldn't beat that guy even once, dammit.Overly-Long Gag: After being stuck in a lab tank for days, I pissed in Mr. Sinister's bathroomfor a page and a half.Me: Anyway, he built this funky harness for when—Mr. Sinister:Wash your hands.Painting the Medium: In a lovely shade of narration-box yellow, with flecks of blood red, to be precise.Papa Wolf:I've never gone easy on guys who beat up kids at the best of times. Then I learned that I had a daughter named Ellie who was living with the brother of the man who killed the love of my life. Unfortunately some U.L.T.I.M.A.T.U.M goons decided to take advantage of this. Ellie has the X-Gene which makes her a target for just about everyone. Luckily for her, she has me to protect her. I'm gonna do my damndest to keep her safe 'cause look what happened to Wolverine's kids when they fell into the wrong crowd.How much do I love my daughter?In myDeadpool: The Endcomic, I was willing to killDeathherself for Ellie and break reality in doing so. I don't care if she was 96. The fact that she dies while I live... it was not fair and I was gonna break anything and everything to do so. Course, turns out it was all part of a way to trick Mephisto out of the contract he got me in, leaving me as King of Hell, forever with Death, him chained up and most importantly, Ellie in paradise. Of course, like I told Death, if the plan wasn't gonna work, I was gonna try to kill her for realsies.Pet the Dog: I've been known to do something extra nice from time to time. Though a nice one was inDeadpool: The End. I had all the big name heroes trapped or unable to fight back in alot of funny ways. But what about my bro Spidey? I had the loves of his life (some redheaded model,a familiar blondieand evenBlack Cat) alive, well and swooning over him at the same time. If anyone deserves a break, it's him.The Plan: "X Marks the Spot", looking to do somethin' heroic, I convincedCyketo allow me into the X-Men as a probationary member, then went and "attempted" to kill the guy who was all over TV saying the X-Men were keeping his daughter hostage (while wearing the X-Men uniform I made myself), failed, tried again, resulting in the X-Men showing up to take me out. There, Wolverine grabbed the camera guy to film the X-Men saving The Asshole from Deadpool, including Cyclops saying I wasn't an X-Man, the little Indian giver (that was offensive to our native peoples and I apologize). Immediately after the camera stopped rolling, Wolvie, who ain't as dumb as he looks, revealed that he figured out I had set the thing up myself, all to put the X-Men back in good standing with the American Publicandto get The Asshole to reveal that Osborn had paid him off to claim the X-Men had kidnapped his daughter. I called it... Operation Moves, and I did it to make X-Men realize how wrong they were for denying me entry into their ranks thefirsttime. And to make Cyclops admit that yes, I did have some pretty good moves. Apparently, if I put this amount of thought into everything I did, I'd probably rule the world. Though who can say for sure that I haven't and don't?Poorly-Disguised Pilot: Bob, Agent ofHYDRA. He never did get that limited series they pitched so hard, did he?Popcultured Badass: As variousShout Outswill attest, I am well verse in whatever fiction necessary to launch aMemetic Mutationor reference plenty.Popularity Power:I've been on the bad end of this, withThe Punisherwas beating me aSWORDeven though I have a ton more practice with those then him and myHealing Factorshould make sword wounds meaningless.I gave another demonstration toGwen Poole, another fourth-wall breaker character like me (a human girl that likes comics and is sucked into the Marvel Universe). That silly girl assumes she'll be safe since I was a guest-star in her own book andPlot Armorwould protect her. So, I inflicted aCurb-Stomp Battleon her and her team combined with a long"Reason You Suck" Speechthat make her remember WHO I AM and that she is just a minor character that casual readers mistake for another version of Gwen Stacy.Deadpool:I've had hundreds of issues. I don't know how many series. I guest appeareverywhere. Comics,video games, TV shows, and let's not forget,the highest grossing R Rated film of all time. You however, first appeared as a back-up inHoward the Duckbecause they weren't sure if anyone would like you. You are the last person who can kill me.She had also the courage to say that she don't like to read MY COMICS because I'm toolol, memes!. Despite having stolen half of my name and part of my costume (the other from Spider-Gwen). Ok, nowIt's Personal.Gwen Poole:I don't like to talk into this, but that happened because Ronnie misread my name when I was trying to get a costume (and I still couldn't make her include pants *grumble-ugly-shade-of-pink-my-*CENSORED*-grumble*).Pop-Cultural Osmosis Failure: Would you believe that Dr.Strange hasn't watchedThe Karate Kid? Neither has Shiklah. I'm gonna have to fix that.Professional Killer: Obviously. ButtheD-Manis the best at what he does,and what he does depends on how much money you can pay up front.Psychic Static: For some reason, people have trouble using telepathic attacks on me. It must be because I have loads ofHeroic Willpower, andnot becauseI'm mentally unstable or anything.Psycho for Hire: I'm a mercenary. I'll do any sort of work for the right price. And yes, I'm crazy as they come.Psychopathic Manchild: Hey! Just 'causeI shout Internet memes after fighting Magnetodoes not make me childish!Punch-Clock Villain: All depends on who's givin' me the green stuff.Me: Sometimes I'mbadfor money, sometimes I'mgoodfor money! As long as I'm havingFUNwith said money, I make my own rules!Punctuated!  For!  Emphasis!:Must... use...Shatner... voice... to... reach... STATUE!!!When my little inner voice friends ain't around, I do tend to use this more seriously.. Just askThat one psychologist pedophile piece of shit I killed.Me: Sit.The fuck.DOWN."The Reason You Suck" SpeechIn the early days ofCable and Deadpool, Cable handed one to me. He can be so hurtful sometimes. But while he could tear me apart on the molecular level by blinking,he doesn't hold a candle to me when it comes to wordslingin'.Zombie Abe Lincoln gives me one of the these summing up why everyone in the Marvel Universe hates me. I give the appropriate answer.Zombie Abe: [After giving me aNo-Holds-Barred Beatdown] You're a vapid, unfunny, pale shade of a hero. You're unintelligent, uncreative, and unremarkable in every way. You don't seem to do anything well except heal yourself and appeareverywhere! I don't understand your appeal. I hate you. These people hate you. Tell me. What is it that you're good at? What do you do. [...] What way are youexceptional?Me:I DON'T GIVE UP!'''Red and Black and Evil All Over: My red suit with black stripes and matching red and black hood.Redemption Demotion: Averted.If anything, I became even more awesome once I kinda, sorta turned into somewhat of a good guy. They didn't even let me have aHealing Factorin my early days of beingVillain Of The Month. Go read my second appearance where I'm all bitchy because my jaw was wired shut after some guy in Weapon X broke it. On second thought...don't.Red Oni, Blue Oni: My two head voices themselves. It varies, but usually the voice with a white speech box is the blue oni because it's more rational, to the voice with the yellow speech box's red oni which is more like me.Required Secondary Powers: MyHealing Factoris fueled bycancer. Without one, the other would kill me.Lucky me.Retcon: My past is very colorful, but Marvel made it so that whatever backstoryDeadpool: Originshas becomes canon. Then again as I have mentioned in the comics, my origin depends on the writer, so I stopped caring.Multiple-Choice Pastand all that.Riddle for the Ages: So am I actually Wade Wilson or what? Is T-Ray actually Wade Wilson? Does Wade Wilson evenexist?Whoknows...Rip Van Tinkle: After being cocooned in Duct Tape by other Marvel Heroes to keep me out of the picture, I quickly commented that I needed to pee. Upon being freed I went to the bathroom for a whole page.Ruder and Cruder: I love going through this route, if you have seen my two movies.Rule of Funny: Rules aren't usually my thing, but I like this one.Running Gag: "You're not a mutant! ...and you're not an X-Man!"Finally climaxes in Deadpool Comics #36! There was some trouble over in Genosha and Storm invited me along because Wolverine kicked the bucket.I turned her down. That's right! I was offered membership in the X-Men and I turned it down! Updating my wiki, check!Sad Clown:Some writers think I only make jokes to deal with my pain...The Scream: I love screaming, and I'll never miss the chance for one. Especiallylike a little girl!Here, listen on this one I recorded in tape when I met Sabretooth...Sabretooth: Scream for me.Me: Scream? Well, if you insist. AAAAAHHH!!! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, AAAAAHHH!!! AAAAAHHH!!!Sabretooth: Enough, Wilson.Me: No wait — Now I'll do it like a little girl: eeek! eeek! eeek!Screw the Rules, I Make Them!: Sometimes I'm bad for money, sometimes I'm good for money. As long as I'm having fun with said money, I make my own rules!Shapeshifting Seducer: AhVanessa, the great love of my life and best thing that ever happened to me. Too bad that a woman who kept turning into any wet dream in my demented mind was too sexistic to be allowed to exist. At least we got through quite a few Marvel heroines before she was killed off.Ship Tease: The fangirls love to ship me with Spider-Man, and Deadpool Annual #2, a comic in which I help Spidey out when he's in a jam, is actually called ''Spideypool."This is the most common name for our ship.We now have a new comic book where we co-star, Spider-Man/Deadpool! In one of the first scenes we're tied up together and I have to get him to stop squirming in order to keep him from turning me on any more than I already was.Shooting Superman: People will try to shoot me even though it never works. Some army guys inOperation Annihilationthat saw I provoked the Hulk were at least savvy enough to know shooting him was dumb idea, so they decided to try and shoot me instead thinking if I'm dead, Hulk will stop. And they missed and hit the Hulk, but he seemed to get that it was an accident.Sidekick: Bob, hapless, capturedagentof HYDRA! He helps me on missions and shit. Not that I need it, of course, but I like dragging him around.Sir Swearsalot: You betterfuckingbelieve it! Especially in mynew movie,bitch!* Sitcom Arch-Nemesis: Squirrel GirlSelf-Deprecation: No, no,Inever do this, but it seems for some strange reason, I always have the job of dealing with some of the lamest bad guys ever conceived. You know, the folks you tend to read about and say, "Who is this loser? What on Earth was the writer thinking?" You know, guys likeDoctor Bong, theMurderous Mimes, andTurner D. Century. (I heard this used to be Scourge's job, butthatguy wasjustas lame.)Small Name, Big Ego: How dare you! I completely live up to my ego. My name is so big Wolverine is jealous of it.Smug Snake: Weasel. Who occasionally even acts asThe Starscream, knowing I could turn him into a kebab...Smug Super: Now that's what I'm talking about.Healing Factor? Check.Breaking the Fourth Wall? Check. You know the rest, troper. They don't call me the merc with a mouth for a reason... AND I'M PROUD OF IT!Superhero Packing Heat: In addition to my powers I got my guns and I damn well use them!Super Speed: Okay, so maybe it isn't one of myofficial powers, but it darn well oughta be. I mean, I can outrun a friggin'jetlinerfer Bea Arthur's sake!Stalker with a Crush: Dr. Ella Whitby, she's obsessed with me and she even has a fridge full of all the body parts I've lost over the years. She's creepy, even by my standards.* The Starscream: Occasionally Weasel.Stupid Sexy Flanders: Stupid SexyCable! And Stupid SexyThor. And Stupid SexyThe Cat. And Stupid SexyCaptain America.Et cetera.Thor: You will be handed over to the authorities. Imprisonment shall be yours. The fate of a thief.Me: I really happen to find you very attractive.Thor: ...Me:Did I Just Say That Out Loud?.Subverted Kids' Show: The 2016 annual story "Deadpool and His Insufferable Pals" had me watch the lost pilot for a fictional spinoff ofSpider-Man and His Amazing Friendswhere I attempted to take Spidey's place in the Spider-Friends after burying him alive and then manipulated Iceman and Firestar into helping me graphically murder the Sinister Six.The Symbiote: Y'know Spider-Man's black suit?The one with all the pointy teeth and tentacles? Yeah... looks like me wearing it for a few minutes before Spidey found it messed it up after all. My bad!Talkative Loon: I'm narrating my own trope page, do Ireallyhave to explain this one?Talking in Your Sleep: People tell me I say some pretty weird stuff in my sleep sometimes. I say some pretty weird stuff when I'm awake, so I s'pose it's a given.Talking Is a Free Action: Natch. My lung capacity cannot be matched.Dominonotes my endless, inane banter is actually my most dangerous ability, since most opponents are too distracted to pay attention to my moves. Just... as... plotted.Take Our Word for It:In one issue I was hired to kill a man by an old girlfriend whom he spread a rumor about. The rumor is so terrible, even Bullseye wanted the guy dead. Eventhe man whose house I broke intoto kill said Pizza Guy agreed. He went from "You can't just come into my house and kill a guy", to "Dude, you so have to pay for what you did" after being told what happened.InAmazing Spider-Man#611, I let slip that I have the "Yo Mammageddon", which reduced a Marine to tears, and ruptured a girl's pancreas.Take That!:When I had to train a bunch of Super Skrulls that managed to get my power set and costume, one comments on why they have to haveso many pouches on them. I remark, oh so sarcastically, about them being useful, turn to the reader and say "Isn't that right,Rob?"In my first ongoing series, a pair of old ladies who hire me to take out a human Road Runner give me a giant, complicated gun called "The Liefelder."I even made fun ofJack Chick. Can't decide which of them deserve my ribbings more, tho'.Oh, and you guys shouldn't feel left out either. As Way had me mention the other day: "There is nobody I hate more than my friends." I liked"I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member"better though.Also, there's that leaked Internet script of myEXTRA FANTASTICfilm which will never happen because of suits I need to kill. I have an action figure of Dudepeel in the trash as I apparently moan about it. PSYCHE, I was moaning about WHAM'S 'Music From the Edge of Heaven' LP, which I then throw on top of Barakapool.ZING!What do I do when somebody compliments the prequel Star Wars trilogy?I blow up their fucking head◊, that's what!Whenthe other sidegot themselves a whole bunch ofawesome3D covers, I figuredI'd join in the fun too!At one point, when I was collecting souls for Mephisto'sStarscream, Vetis, one of the guys I had to kill was pretty much a discount Aquaman. I even got to jump on the bandwagon of making fun of his dumb power. Downplayed since he was the only soul I had to collect who used his powers for good. I actually felt a bit guilty for killing him. His choice in power was still incredibly lame though.Of course the competition had their fair swipes at me too. Apparently someclown chickhas a partner calledRed Toolin her book. Har-de-har-har. Joke's on her, she's denied my dashing personality. Plus you know I can take a hammer hit worth a damn and come back from it just fine. Least I didn't have my retcon have to bleach my skin and dye my hair to like cotton candy just to draw in the fanboys.And let's not forget aboutthat timeI saved sometotally unrelated,not-at-all-affiliated-with(yet inexplicably sexy)guy from makingthe biggest mistake of his lifethe best way I know how:BY BLOWING HIS BRAINS OUT, BABY!Once again, you're welcome Canada.Talking to Themself: Because I like to talk to interesting people! A particularly amusing one is onX-Men LegendsII, where I can fight aBoss Battlewith myself, and we argue on who's the true Deadpool!Team Pet: Bob, agent of HYDRA! I even take him to the vet for check ups.Technicolor Ninjas: Bright red ninja, to be specific. I think itsuitsme.There Are No Therapists:Hell no man! My therapistDr. Bongis on the up and up!Trick Arrows: Yeah, I made 'em when I teamed up withHawkeyeto kill a bunch of pirates.They all are Hulk Hands toys the kids don't play with nowadays.The trick,they all explode!The person who written this story also was the same guy who made those internet comics aboutthat doctor who happens to also be a ninja,just like me!Too Kinky to Torture: Once, while on a job for X-Force, I was caught by Apocalypse's goons who then proceeded to tie me up just so I could regale them with a my stunning rendition ofMiami Sound Machine'sConga.Too Spicy for Yog-Sothoth:Galactus fired me because I was just tooawesomefor him to handle. It'sdefinitely notbecause he wanted me toshut up.Then there was the time I was captured to be zombiefood. I tasted like cancer. And the time when I travelled to alternate universe and got infected by the Techno-Organic virus and almostassimilatedby theHive Mindof the virus... let's just say the result is not nice.Trademark Favorite Food: I'm crazy for Tex-Mex, like tacos, burritos, and chimichangas. Sometimes I just like saying the word"Chimichanga"more than actually eating them...almost...Trash Talk: I had a "Your Mom" fight with Spidey inAmazing Spider-Man#611. It was fun!Even though Ialmostmissed my chance to use Yo Mammageddon.Trigger-Happy: I like killing in general, but I LOVE ME SOME GUN!Troll: So I tend to mess with people, they just cannot take a joke.Twist Ending: ARE YOU READY GUYS? THIS IS HUGE.In Joe Kelly's original run, I'M NOT EVEN WADE WILSON. I just killed a random guy in his house and took over his identity! I wasn't even a good guy to begin with! But Marvel retconned this story (back in my fight with T-Ray inCable and Deadpool), so now apparently the Deadpool: Origins comic is the canon one.The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny:Some internet clownswith too much time on their hands once tried to pit me against that copycat Deathstroke (What do you mean, I'm HIS copy? Shut up, you). The results were predictable.He died. Not from a stroke, though.Then, because their tiny little minds had managed to clue in on the style of yours truly, they tried again, this time againsta pronking pink party ponywho managed to make even me look vaguely kinda sorta not-completely-nutso by comparison. The results were... unpredictable.Seriously, go check it out, it was awesome. I'm not gonna tell you who won, so there.I kept popping in from time to time to grace them with my presence, and eventually, they decided to pit me in a THIRD fight againstsome guy wearing a magical mask.Apparently they'd gotten tired of me or something.I maaaaaaybe got a little in over my head with that one, and apparently the hosts figured I wouldn't be able to win. Luckily, the guy was actually a good sport and tricked Wiz and Boomstick into reviving me with the Continuity Stone! Even when I lose, you still can't get rid of me!Someother internet clownswho really, really, really,really-[One Hour Later]-SUPER DUPER FANTABOUSLY MEGA ULTRA REALLYlove Dragon Ball did some sketches for their Abridged series of the Cell Games where various character challenge Cell before his big fight with Goku. And they picked me as one of them -Squee- I've always wanted to kill an android/bug/bishoen looking creature!Of course cause of the thing that we call status quo and "not messing up canon" or something. I ended getting called away by Wolverine before I could finish the match. Least I got to cut off his head and keep his hands. They make a nice foot stool.These two jerks tried to pit me andPinkie Pieagainst each other in aduel to the death, butwe quickly found out how much we had in common and teamed up against them. Then Pinkie learned it was my birthday and threw a party for me!Unreliable Narrator: Hey! I resemble that remark! Seriously, now, who are you gonna trust? Me... orreality? I bet reality doesn't have sweet guns like these...Useless Accessory: I almost never use all those pouches of mine. Although when I do, they have contained awesome action figures (of me), wallet, keys, and (on one occasion) a pancreas. Logic doesn't exactly work on me.Villain Protagonist: I bounce back and forth between this andHeroic Comedic Sociopath. Like a gun-toting pinball, really. Sometimes within the same issue!Villain with Good Publicity: Absolutely not. Butoutsidethe comic,is a completely different story.Vitriolic Best Buds: With, everybody. No matter how many fights I get in, I'm SURE that everybody loves me.What the Hell, Hero?: I call outCaptain America and Wolverine for not taking me seriously when I approached them about someone chasing after me with an interest in Weapon X. I do so because in the end they killed the family I didn't think I had.Where Does He Get All Those Wonderful Toys?: I call the Punisher out on it during Suicide Kings. Since, you know, the previous day he tried to strangle me and electrocute my ass... withmecha-frickin'-tentacles.Me: What you got today, Punisher. The Beetle's wings? Plant-Man's chloro-blaster gun? One of the Porcupine's quills?Wholesome Crossdresser: Okay, the "wholesome" part? Questionable. Regardless, I decided to dress in a maid dress in issue #20. Why?'Cuz it was funny.No other reason than that.Who Wants to Live Forever?:My relationship with Death is a long distance one.Turns out to be what I've been obsessing about in the Daniel Way arc.Who Writes This Crap?!: The various writers behind my exicting adventures often tend to use me as a mouthpiece to criticize clichéd and cheap storytelling in the comic industry at large and —provided they are humble enough— their own shortcomings as writers in particular. The writer of this entry who would probably try do the same to this very page, if they didn't have crippling axienty and actually possessed some sense of wit. Oh, yeah, I see what you did there. Self-awareness doesn't make you cool,dad!Why Did It Have to Be Snakes?: CLOWNS? WHERE? Okay, don't scare me like that! Seriously, the only greater threat to this planet than those guys is Galactus! Don't believe me? Well, hope I never have to say "I told you so"...Wild Card: The Merc with a Mouth mangles for money! Unless I don't want to for some random reason.Wolverine Publicity: To put it simply, starting in 2008, I've kicked good ol' Wolverine off his title as Marvel's Poster Child.Just because this has to be on the Internet somewhere: The Poster Child succession has been thus — Captain America (1940s/50s) < The Fantastic Four (1960s) < Spider-Man (1970s) < Wolverine (1980s/90s) < Deadpool (current)Interestingly, this corresponds toThe Golden Age of Comic Books,The Silver Age of Comic Books,The Bronze Age of Comic Books,The Dark Age of Comic Books, andThe Modern Age of Comic Books. However, Wolverine still hasn't fully left the spot andThe Hoodis also trying to claim the position, and Anti-Venom... yeah. Its like the pro wrestlers say: the belt might as well be a target. And then there's thenewkidson the block.And lately I've been having to divide readers' attention withIron Man. Just because ofthe movieswhere he appears.Iseriouslyneed to go talk to Ryan Reynolds to get my own movie off the ground...HA! DONE! That wasn't so hard! It's amazing what some test footage does...you know, on top of a few bullets flying around. And Ryan finally got around to posting that picture of himself in my suit too! Sure he may not capture my sexiness perfectly, butDAMN do I look good!As to the actual namesake of the trope, fortunately, we all know my video game is all about fabulous me, so it will featurenone of those shenani--◊wait, what? Oh,come on!Would Hit a Girl: Hey ladies, you want equality right? Guess what, I'm all for it. Shadowcat will tell you just how much I support feminism!noteGlad to see that you're all suggesting her as DLC inMarvel vs. Capcom 3. I'll let her know about it the next time I see her, probably before I knock her unconscious.Wouldn't Hurt a Child:One of the few things I won't kill is kids.And since we're on the subject,Deadpool Kills Deadpoolis sweet. That version of me's gonna PAY for killing thePower Pack...and ESPECIALLY Kidpool.I also chewed out my former Uncanny X-Force colleague Fantomex for snuffing out Kid Apocalypse.Unbeknown to me and the rest of the team at the time, he made a clone of the kid.Oddly, this isn't the case for my incarnation inHulk Vs. Wolverine, who expresses a desire to shoot those "floating babies", as he calls them. Remind me to kill him sometime...Ye Olde Butcherede Englishe: Parodiedeth when I briefly taketh possession of a faketh copy ofthout viking guy'shammer and change thost speech patterns accordinglyst. Combinedth withWhat Doth Thou Meaneth, 'Tis Not Awesome-eth?, as mine exploits with thine "hammer" involve ordering ye olde disproportionately hugeth amount of foode from Tacoe Belle, using thine hammer as a baseballe bat in thost majore league game (Istillstriketh oute), and attacking aMichael JacksonCaptain Ersatz. Eth.Me: AND GET THEE A LIFE!You Bastard!: InDeadpool#900. I realize thatI would never really die because the fans like me too much. So I decide to kill all my fans.I didn't realize how hard that would be.Oh, then I kill the Marvel universe'cause, in the real world, I'd be considered crazy and disturbing, and this comic's supposed to make yousuck it. Go figure.Your Head Asplode: Nate did this to me with his uber psychic powers. Twice. I was not amused.You're Insane!: I get that a lot. I don't even really care anymore.Your Mom: Again, Mamageddon, my ultimate diss!Well, I've got to go. There's a killer itch on my butt that needs a scratchin' and my microwaved burritos are almost done. I promise we'll fight some ninjas or some other crap later. See ya!