Me, demonstrating my sense of crimefighter chic.(This page is best read in the voice ofJim CummingsorChris Diamantopoulos.)(Puff of blue smoke)I am the terror that flaps in the night! I am the trope page that you cannot edit! I am... Darkwwwiiiiing Duck!I bet you want an autograph. No really, it's no trouble. Take a few more for the kids. Or maybe you want to hear some of the tales of my derring-do and cunning cleverness?At the start, Darkwing Duck struggled solo against the sinister scoundrels who stalked the city of St. Canard. However,little did I knowthat that was all to change. While investigating the theft of the Waddlemeyer Ramrod, I encountered for the first time a featherbrained flyboy, Launchpad McQuack (he eventually told me he was fresh from Scrooge McDuck's mansion inDuckburg... ya might have told me that earlier, L.P.) and a spirited little girl called Gosalyn Waddlemeyer. Originally, I didn't plan to keep either of them around for longer than it took to complete the mission — Darkwing Duck dares the denizens of darkness alone! However, the mission proved more problematic than I presumed, and I was forced to interact with both for longer than I had intended... Okay, so they both grew on me, so sue me! After the defeat of the terrifying taurine, Taurus Bulba, I reunited with both of them and now we live together.Oh, by the way, if you've heard something about there being an old TV show, a washed up actor, and some fan who was gonna star in a movie,you're thinking of some other guys.I already know from Negaduck thatthere's more than one me.Now that you've heard that story, maybe you want to hear some specific samples of the circumstances of my crimefighting career? Very well... that is, since you insist.(Ahem)Tropes I've left my mark on:Added Alliterative Appeal: Ah, yes! This avian adventurer always amazes his adoring audience with awesome alliteration abilities.Aesop Amnesia: So what if I constantly forget that I need to let others help me out on tough cases? Clearly they can stick to their own little corners of the world, while I and I alone defend St. Canard from the dastardly deviants who deprive the denizens of their...wait, THEY WHAT?!?! They took over the city?! Oh, why didn't I learn?! Oh well.Maybe it will stick with me this time aroundAffectionate Nickname:Launchpad calls me "D.W.", in or out of costume. I sometimes call him "L.P."Morgana calls me "Dark."Gos calls me "Dad"Alliterative Name: Related toAdded Alliterative Appeal, my superhero name is awesomely alliterative.All Just a Dream:You do not know how thankful I was to find out that the time I thought I was dead was this.The time I was about to kiss Morgana? Not so much.Especially once I found out I'd planted one on Launchpad instead.Anti-Hero: There's nothing anti about me! I am the genuine article of heroics! All I want isa little respect, thank you very much! I mean, I spend all this time saving St. Canard from seriously sinister slimeballs, and what do they do? Act like I'm some sort of common criminal! What a joke! It'snot my faultthey have poor taste in fashionable crime fighters!Arch-Enemy: Being a superhero, I have quite a few. Just to name a few of the foul fiends whom I frequently fight:That electromagnetic egomaniac Megavolt and I have been squaring off on a regular basis since our school days. (Apparently he was the school science nerd. Who knew?)My diabolical doppelganger Negaduck is my mirror image in every way (right down to thinking we don't get the respect we deserve), and so we're often at odds.The terrifyingly tyrannical bovine, Taurus Bulba, has had it in for me since I foiled his plan to rob the city blind with Professor Waddlemeyer's Ramrod. I've had it in for him ever since he tried to kill Gos to get his hands on the activation code for the Ramrod.Quackerjack. Especially watch out for hisElectric Joybuzzer.Many are of the opinion that the dangerously duplicitous Dr. Slug is my greatest archenemy. I suppose it's only natural to assume that; heisPublic Enemy #1 after all, and I have had to engage in many feats of heroic daring-do to defeat him! But you already knew that. What's that? You don't? What do youmeanyou haven't even seen Dr. Slug in action?!And then there's Steelbeak. Given that he's F.O.W.L.'s primary agent, we have a long-running feud.Attention Whore: Attention —? Who wrote this? I amnotaglory hound. I just have a healthy respect for my contributions to the welfare of the world, that's all. Okay, I do have a problem with this...but only a slight problem.Want an 8-by-5 glossy?Awesome Ego: Alright, alright, maybe I have asmallego problem. But considering my exploits once I say theCatchphrase, I live up to the billing.Badass Cape: And it looks great along.Badass in a Nice Suit: Megavolt was actually a classmate of mine, a science geek named Elmo Sputterspark. ThatJerk JockHamm String ruined Elmo's electrical experiment, which gave him superpowers. Elmo was so angry that he attacked us at a school dance. I couldn't let him fry the rest of the class, so I had to stop him. I nicked a hat, cape and mask from the school Drama department to create my impromptu superhero identity, but I had to fight Elmo in the tuxedo I wore to the dance.Badass Normal: Sure, it would be great to have some fancy powers, and Ireally like when I get temporary ones,but most of the time I only need my smarts and skills to defeat my felonious foes.Berserk Button: Do not, and I repeat, under any circumstances, do NOT try to steal MY job and vanquish MY foes in MY city!Big Eater: Gosalyn. Seriously, have you seen how much she packs away?Can't Live with Them, Can't Live without Them: Boy do L.P. and Gosalyn get on my nerves! Between hisconstant crashingand herrefusing to even clean one inch of her room...but, what's a duck to do? They're the two most important people in my life. I don't know what I'd do with myself if anything were to happen to them...Catchphrase: Oh, I have several ones; in no particular order..."Let's Get Dangerous!""Suck GAS, evildoer!""Yep, yep, yep.""AH...HA!""Ouch.""Singed, but triumphant.""I am the terrorthatflaps in the night.I am the (noun that does / is something unpleasant). I am Darkwiiinnng Duck!"Cheap Costume: I made my first Darkwing disguise with props and clothing from my school's Drama Club; I admit I was lucky to find good enough stuff for a decent disguise, since I had to improvise it on the spot to stop Megavolt.Chick Magnet: All in a day's work for a hero. I got smooched by Neptunia and drew the attention of Morgana McCawber and other females I've run across with my smooth charm and dashing good looks.Coat, Hat, Mask: Yep, yep, yep, I have a great fashion sense. My standard crimefighting attire includes all three of these garments, all in dashing shades of purple.Combat Pragmatist: I'm quite good at thinking on my feet and improvising battle plans. That helps me defeat enemies that, admittedly, are too powerful for me to take on in a direct fight.Cool Bike: The Ratcatcher.Cool Plane: The Thunderquack — a gadget-laden, VTOL and hover-capable subsonic jet plane, created in my image.Crazy-Prepared: Hey, sometimes youhaveto be crazily prepared to survive in this business. Just look at the fight where I led the Justice Ducks against the Fearsome Five. When Morgana teleported the pudding mix I was carrying to fall on Liquidator, I put an eggbeater attachment on my gas gun and worked with Gizmoduck to turn Liquidator into a delicious dessert.Create Your Own Villain:Okay, seriously, stop saying I created Liquidator!! I tried to save the guy when he fell in that contaminated water... thathecontaminated in the first place!! Not my fault that he fell when trying to escape from me.Heh, funnily enough,the reverse version happened to me, since it was Megavolt's actions that made me become Darkwing Duck in the first place.Crouching Moron, Hidden Badass: WithLet's Get Dangerous!in between!Dark Is Not Evil: For some reason, almost everyone seems to hate my darker persona. Even Launchpad mistook me for a burglar the first time we met.Well...Okay, fine, that may have had something to do with the fact that I crashed through his ceiling at an early hour of the morning. So sue me.Deadpan Snarker: One of my many talents is to taunt my enemies with clever one-liners, usually to really humiliate them once I've started destroying their plans.Despair Event Horizon:I actually came near this line thanks to Taurus Bulba. Fortunately, Launchpad's timely arrival snapped me out of it.In an alternate future, this is what led me to becoming an iron fisted dictator due to thinking Gos ran away.Determinator: It doesn't matter what you throw at me. Darkwing Duck always finishes the job!Distressed Dude: Distressed? Where did anybody get that idea? I just frequently get my enemies to let their guard down by — okay, I get tied up a fair amount. But Darkwing Duck always triumphs.Dude, Where's My Respect?: Like I mentioned — I can save the city a hundred times, and I'm still "Darkworm Duck" on the evening news. How is that fair, I ask you?Enemy Mine: Sometimes I've needed to team up with my enemies for the greater good... and in their case,because they'd have nothing to steal if the city gets destroyed.Establishing Character Moment: Here, for your viewing pleasure,is the opening scene to my pilot episode.It showed off both my amazing skills and my amazing theme music!Everyone Went to School Together: EvenIwas surprised that the science geek in my class became Megavolt.Fedora of Asskicking: I wear a sharp-looking purple fedora when I kick butt and take names. It complements the rest of my dashing superhero outfit quite nicely.Follow in My Footsteps: Sometimes I wish Goswouldn'tdo this.Sometimes.For Halloween, I Am Going as Myself: I was once invited to a costume party and wound up wearing my suit. Can you believe Herb Muddlefoot actually thought "no one would mistake me for the real Darkwing Duck"?Frame-Up: Somehow or another, St. Canard's most delinquent deviants always destroy my do-gooder image so they can slink into the night and rob the city blind. Some of them framing me successfully I can understand; Negaduck at least has the handsome good looks and the nearly identical costume. But people like Tuskernini making a judge seem like I was merely bullying a reformed villain? Or some other costumed criminal callously creating chaos in my costume? Come on people,it's not that hard to figure out!Then again, that does explain a lot about mycurrent reputation amongst St. Canard's denizens."Freaky Friday" Flip: A machine of mine accidentally swapped me and Gosalyn and Launchpad and Honker. And let me tell you, being stuck in the body of a child can really get in the way of crime fighting.Friendly Enemy: I actually get along reasonably well with Megavolt and Bushroot when we're not trying to defeat each other, at least well enough to make a truce inEnemy Minesituations; after all, Sparky and I go way back, and Bushyjust wants some buds to call his buddies.Future Me Scares Me: Gos once ran into an alternate future version of me called Darkwarrior Duck.Yeesh.The guy seriously needs some professional help.Gray-and-Grey Morality: I don't usually experience this since most of my rogues are outright villains, but I suppose I did go overboard with continuously callingNeptuniaevil, but hey, it was my first time dealing with aWell-Intentioned Extremist.Handicapped Badass: Whether blind, restricted to a wheelchair, cursed with bad luck, or turned into an old man, I still manage to save the day.Hero with Bad Publicity: This happens so much it's not even funny. The citizens of St. Canard simply don't respect my stylish, non-traditional image.Okay, so I don't wear a lot of bright colors and I make my rounds near midnight; I am still the superlative superhero in the city!Well, there was this one time Gosayln tried to help improve my image and make the city respect me more. And it was going fine until that nefarious ne're-do-gooder Negaduck swooped in and trashed everything I've worked for! Well, the joke was on him, for I quickly turned things around as the original, classic, and dashingly debonair Darkwing Duck the fans have come to expect, and sent him packing right into jail! Maybe yourChronic Backstabbing Disorderisn't such a good idea when there's more of them and only one of you Negsy!Heterosexual Life-Partners: I admit L.P. gets on my nerves sometimes.All right, a lot of the time.But after facing malevolent malefactors like Taurus Bulba, Paddywhack, and the Fearsome Five — not to mention the far trickier task ofraising Gosalynwhile keeping the neighborhood in one piece — together, it looks like we're in it for the long run.I Just Want to Be Special: This is pretty much the main reason I became Darkwing Duck on the first place; as Drake Mallard, I have to admit, I was a nobody, but the moment IJumped at the Call, I realized that, as Darkwing, I could make a difference, and people would actually notice me. Even now that I've reassumed my civilian identity to be a father to Gosalyn, I realize that a normal, civilian life doesn't fit me at all; just the idea of no longer doing my heroics has actually depressed me more than once.I Know Kung Fu: Or, more precisely, Quack Fu; and I'm quite good at it, mind you.I Work Alone: To satisfy my ego… ehem… uh… I mean, for everyone's else safety… I sometimes prefer to handle big cases on my own. Unfortunately, in those cases, Idoend up needing help to save the day.Impersonating the Evil Twin: More than once, I have posed as my devious doppelganger, Negaduck. And done myself proud, I might add. (So did he, but that's beside the point.)Informed Loner: Darkwing Duck relies on nobody but himself! Um... just don't look too closely at the... several people who tend to be associated with me.Last Disrespects: In the dream where I believed I was dead, I was chagrined to find that I was given a small, cheap cone with my picture on it as my tombstone.Let's Get Dangerous!:TheTrope Namer. Yep, yep, yep. This is what I say when I'm ready to stop getting pounded and crush my enemies into little pieces.Literal Split Personality: When I got zapped by Megavolt's tron splitter, I was split into my good and bad sides. Launchpad and Gosalyn had to team up with Megavolt not only to put me back together, but to stop my supercharged evil half from tearing St. Canard apart.Made of Iron: I can get smushed, squished, pummeled, and anything else the bad guy can do to me, but Darkwing Duck always emergessinged but triumphant!Magnetic Hero: Seriously, I don't know how I do it, but Ido!Multi-Armed and Dangerous: After being bitten by a mutant spider. It wasn't that bad... although#6 did drive me nuts!Multiple-Choice Past: My life prior to becoming a superhero is hard to understand. We have my Senior Prom where I became Darkwing Duck to stop Megavolt and the timemy future self inspired me as a child to become a hero, plus the time I spent learning martial arts from Goose Lee. The story of me being aSupermanExpyis completely fictional, however. What? All brilliant artists have to take some liberties with their creations.Must Have Caffeine: You really don't want to see me in the morning before I take a very good cup of coffee; and don't give me that look. If you were doing heroics all night, and then wake up very early in the morning to be a parent, you'd be the same.Nice Job Fixing It, Villain: I first became Darkwing Duck, improvising a name and outfit on the spot, because someone had to stop Megavolt when he first appeared and attacked our school's prom dance... Heh, so, thanks, Sparky.O.O.C. Is Serious Business: You know how bad Taurus Bulba must be when you see howterrifiedI am to see he survived the ramrod explosion.Papa Wolf: Don't touch Gos, I'm warning you.Part-Time Hero: At first, I was on the job full time, but now that I have an adopted daughter, I have to dial back a bit.Pint-Sized Powerhouse: Despite my smaller size, I can vanquish vile villains much larger than myself. Oh, yeah, Gos is like that, too.Pride: Who,me?Surely you jest!Punctuated!  For!  Emphasis!: Let's. Get. Dangerous. The way I say the epicCatchphraseis just as important as the actual words.Purple Is Powerful: Just look at my awesome outfit! In no less than three shades!Red Oni, Blue Oni: Launchpad's laidback look contrasts quite sharply withmy more passionate personality. Oddly though, he wears red and I wear a purple (it's a bluish shade — close enough) coat with a blue shirt underneath it.Rogues Gallery: I've faced off with some of the most knavish and nasty ne'er-do-wells in the entireDisney Afternooncanon! They might strike fear into the hearts of ordinary citizens, but bringing them to justice is all in a day's work for yours truly.Screw the Rules, I'm Doing What's Right!: This is why I work with SHUSH as a freelancer instead of a formal agent. I can't stand all of SHUSH's bureaucracy and rules, which really cramp my style. Luckily, J. Gander Hooter is smart enough to let me do things my way. This is also why I loathe that stuffed shirt Gryzlikof, Hooter's right-hand bear. Gryzlikof swears by the SHUSH rulebook, but the only use I've ever had for it was when I ripped it up to clog Ammonia Pine's vacuum cleaner to save him and Hooter.Secondary Color Nemesis:Oh you have it quite backwards. As you can see my suit is primarily purple, a color favored by felonious fiends fromstandardsuperhero stories, but I'm sure you're quite aware I'm on the side of justice by now. Funnily enough, a couple of my own foes—such as that malicious malefactor, Megavolt, and the notorious ne'er-do-well, Negaduck—are the ones whose fashion sense favors primary colors.Secret-Identity Identity: As I already said, being a masked hero used to be a full time job, to the point I no longer used my civilian identity, at least until I adopted Gosalyn.Shameless Self-Promoter: Shameless? Why should I be ashamed? I'm just making sure the public knows what it needs to know about its greatest hero — me.Shorter Means Smarter: I amquiteclever, thank you, no matter how tall I am — certainly a lot smarter than Launchpad (not that that means much).Smoke Out: A specialty of mine. Of course, I prefer using the smoke for my great dramatic entrances rather than escaping.Something Person: Darkwing Duck. I also followed this pattern when I became Teapot Duck and Arachnoduck.Superheroes Wear Capes: A brilliant purple cape which superbly sets off the rest of my crimefighting costume. It has occasionallyhit a few snags.Supernatural-Proof Father: I admit it took me quite a while to believe L.P. and Gos when they said there was something weird about that jack-in-the-box. Well, what do you expect? Gos had justbuzzedme on my keister earlier; of course I thought it was just her playing pranks!Superpower Silly Putty: Despite regularly being aBadass Normal, I sometimesdoend up with super powers:Super Speed, spider powers,Super Strength, growing into a giant, even got a super suit once. Interestingly, it was when I used my brains instead of the powers that I managed to save the day.Super Speed: I temporarily got this power when Negaduck blasted me with a proton accelerator. It was pretty handy, too bad it had the side effect of making me age rapidly.Swiss-Army Gun: My trademark Gas Gun; despite the name, it does a lot more than shooting gas and smoke cartridges. I can use it as aGrappling-Hook Pistol, or adapt it to use 'toony' weaponry, like cartoon bombs and boxing gloves.Teeth-Clenched Teamwork: Whenever I have to work with thatObstructive Bureaucratat SHUSH, Agent Grizlikov.True Companions: With Launchpad and Gos, obviously, but also with Gos's best friend Honker Muddlefoot, who's got more common sense than the rest of his family put together. They've been with me through thick and thin, as we protect the good people of St. Canard from the fearsome and felonious fiends that threaten it!Where Does He Get All Those Wonderful Toys?: I admit, it does look strange to my fanbase that I somehow have the resources to have everything from my gas gun to the Ratcatcher to the Thunderquack to my secret lair, all while maintaining my suburban house and provide for Gos, even though I don't seem to have any job besides saving St. Canard. With all that said, Iwaspaid for my work under S.H.U.S.H. until the money stopped flowing, making me get a job at Quackerworks.Wouldn't Hit a Girl: Splatter Phoenix once taunted me that I wouldn't hit her because she was a woman. Sadly, I had to agree —but Gos (as the Quiverwing Quack) was there, and she was happy to do it for me. Other times I've found effective ways to fight female fiends without hitting them.You Are Grounded!: I say this to Gosalyn so often I could be aTrope Codifier. Ironically, the one time I did it when she hadn't done anything wrong (to try and protect her from Taurus Bulba) blew up in my face when it was what led to her being captured.


Carlos Alazraqui.)Hmmm? My own TV Tropes page? This must be the work ofFAIRY GODPARENTS!*twitch*What? Explain myself? Is this supposed to be like a self-demonstrating page? It is? Oh well I guess I should be FLATTERED people want to know about me. Either that or it's the work of FAIRY GODPARENTS! Either way, I'll humor you non-believers.My name's Denzel Crocker, fairy hunter extraordinaire! What? I am! Just because I never caught any FAIRIES, doesn't mean I'm not an expert in them. That said I admit it doesn't pay the bills, so I have to take a lowly job as a elementary school teacher. Not sure why I bother, none of these feeble-minded children are worth my genius. Though I admit I love giving out “F's” in the most creative ways possible. Hehe, one of the few joys I get out of my miserable existence. -Ahem- But back to the matter, no one has taken me seriously in my quest to find FAIRIES, deeming me a loony. Oh but they're real, I know it. In fact one certain boy in my class by the name of Timmy Turner has them! Weird things always seem to go on around him and he ends up getting objects no boy of his lowly status would be able to afford! Plus my equipment shows he's lousy with FAIRY energy! If only I could get solid proof! But time and again I've been thwarted! Every time I get close to catching him with his FAIRY GODPARENTS, he would somehow manage to make things seem normal and humiliate me in the process!Oooh but he can only keep up the charade for so long, sooner or later he'll slip up and I'll be there ready and waiting to catch him in the act with his FAIRY GODPARENTS! FAIRY GODPARENTS! FAIRY GODPARENTS!!!-Pants- Whew, had a strong one in me there!FAIRIES...I mean...TROPES!-Abusive Parent: My mother was never there for me as a child. And as an adult, she's putdown my obsession withFairies!, disregarded my feelings, and even used me as a mannequin so she can hem her dresses!Almighty Janitor: I was this in "Future Lost". It was... nice.Arch-Enemy: I'm almost certainly this to Turner. The only other one of his enemies who could even come close is hisBabysitter from Hell, but not even she can cause him as much misery as I can by giving him a never-ending stream of Fs and by threatening his relationship with hisFAIRY GODPARENTS!!!Artistic License – Education: What's this? It says here any teacher who gives as many F's as I do would be fired for being incapable of teaching students to pass? WELL, NOT ACCORDING TO DIMMSDALE ELEMENTARY! THEYLETME TEACH HERE DESPITE THE ABUNDANCE OF F'S I GIVE! F, F, F, F, F, F, F!!Ax-Crazy: I've been called crazy, and I am! Especially in the earlierSEASONS!*twitch*Big Bad: What really?(Looks through his paper)Oh I was! Yes! In this movieAbra-Catastrophe!and I actually managed to catch Timmy's FAIRIES and even TAKE OVER THE WORLD! Wait why don't I remember that?(Checks)Defeated?! FOILED!? BY TURNER?! MEMORY-WIPED! NOOOOO!(Hits his head against a wall in his spasm)' Ugh... huh? What was I talking about again? Oh right, how I never catch any FAIRIES!!!Bullying a Dragon: I gave oneJames Issac Neutronan F. That...was a mistake.Butt-Monkey: Hey! Who are you calling a butt monkey?!Card-Carrying Villain: Villain, eh? Kinda like the sound of that, actually, especially when it involves manipulation to steer my way through and catchFAIRY GODPARENTS!*twitch* I found myself on that corner numerous times. But you know what?WHO CARES?!*twitch*Cassandra Truth: Fairies do exist! I can prove it!Catchphrase:FAIRY GODPARENTS!!!*twitch*Characterization Marches On: I've gone from handing F's to every single one of my students to grading them a bit more fairly. EXCEPT FOR TIMMY TURNER! HE STILL GETS THE BRUNT OF MY F'S!Cloudcuckoolander: Hey! I can prove fairies exist! They're real! Just ask Timmy'sFAIRY GODPARENTS!*twitch*Dark and Troubled Past: Well, of course I was miserable! Can you blame me? I mean, I forgot about the last happy memory I had! Come to think of it, I don't seem to have any happy memories at all. Well, there can be one logical explanation...FAIRY GODPARENTS!!!*twitch*Enemy Mine: I've joined forces with Timmy Turner on occasion.Even Evil Has Standards: Yes, I am obsessed with findingFAIRIES!*twitch* No, I don't believeFAIRY*twitch* babies should be seperated from theirFAIRY PARENTS!*twitch*Evil Teacher: Oh yes! I do tend to enjoy failing my students! Especially Turner!F--: This is perhaps my favorite trope of them all! I'm a pioneering visionary in the art of developing new kinds ofFs! Some of my proudest creations include the "Super F" and "F-apalooza!"Gonk: Gonk!? How dare you call me ugly!Hair-Trigger Temper: Oh yes, I go berserk overanything... especiallyFAIRIES!Jerkass: I give my students F's, for starters, and I enjoy it! Well, except AJ. I swear he's too smart for his own good!Karmic Butt-Monkey: What?! A new trope based on the aforementioned Butt Monkey?! This must be the work ofFAIRY GODPARENTS!Mad Scientist: OF COURSE! I even have a lab under the school and everything! How else to prove the existence ofFAIRIESthan withSCIENTIFIC EVIDENCE!Noodle Incident: For some reason, I can never everEVER*twitch* go back to Cincinatti.Pick on Someone Your Own Size: I'm one of Turner's oldest and most hated enemies. The reason is simple. I'm convinced he hasFAIRY GODPARENTS!!!and will stop at nothing to prove it!Sadist Teacher: OF COURSE! The only thing I care more about than making children miserable is...FAIRY GODPARENTS!!!!!!!The Cuckoolander Was Right: Of course I'm right aboutFAIRIES!How else do you explain Turner'sFAIRY GODPARENTS!!!Used to Be a Sweet Kid:Huh? What's this doing here? I was always miserable!Verbal Tic:FAIRIES!*twitch*Working with the Ex: Wait, Waxelplax and I are exes? I don't remember this!


or Thomas McHugh. In other languages, it's best read in the voices ofMasako Nozawain Japanese, Sérgio Rufino or Fábio Lucindo in Brazilian Portuguese, and Carlos Macedo, Humberto Ramírez,Benjamín Rivera, orEnzo Fortunyin Latin American Spanish.)Dear journal...Today, I found out that someone on a website called "TV Tropes" wanted to make a page about me. I don't really know what to tell them, but I guess I can give them the basics.My full name is Douglas Yancey Funnie, but everyone else calls me "Doug" for short. I go to Beebe Bluff Middle School, and I live in Bluffington with my parents, my older sister Judy, and my dog Porkchop.I wasn't born in Bluffington, however. When I was eleven-and-a-half, my family and I moved out of our home in Bloatsburg and into Bluffington because my dad got a job promotion there. I was very nervous, and I didn't know if I could make any friends. Luckily, when I went to the Honker Burger, I met some of the people who would stick with me for the rest of my life: my best friend Skeeter Valentine, my...other friendPatti Mayonnaise, and the school bully, Roger Klotz (who, funnily enough,has a pageon this site)..Since the first day I moved in, I saw a lot of things happen here in Bluffington. From the school dance at Bluffington Elementary, to Mrs. Dink being elected mayor, to that surprise party Roger threw for me to celebrate the one-year anniversry of me moving to Bluffington, a lot of crazy events have happened in Bluffington while I was still in sixth grade.Nearly everything in Bluffington changed when I went to middle school, however. Among other things, the Honker Burger closed down and was replaced by a French restaurant called "Chez Honque", Bluffington Elementary was torn down because of termites, andRoger got rich. At first, I was extremely nervous about going to middle school, especially since I was going to be one of the youngest kids over there. However, as the days passed, I settled in, and I even liked my new teachers. One of whom, Ms. Kristal, was my homeroom teacher and a very nice person (she ended up marrying Patti's dad, but that's a story for another day). That isn't to say my life didn't change beyond that, though. That year was when my baby sister Dirtbike was born. I know, it's a ridiculous name, but that's what I accidentally named her.But I don't want to leave you hanging, whoever you are.Here is a list of tropes that describe me:Author Avatar: Who is this "Jim Jinkins" person? I've never heard of him, and how am I an "author avatar" of him?Bad Boss: I may have overworked my friends during their business just so he could earn enough money to both pay my friends for their work and buy that new skateboard I wanted at the same time. At the end, though, I used all the money totake my friends to FunkyTown.Badass Adorable: Hey! Quailman's not adorable! He's cool!Badass Pacifist: My dad once told me that a man who resorts to violence is a man who ran out of ideas. I won a fight with Roger just by using the three qualities of the quail: patience, intelligence, and speed.Bad Liar: Well,I Have This Friendwho has some things he wants to discuss... can you tell me some stuff so I can tell him? It's not me, I swear!Berserk Button: Don't call my journal a diary, because it isn't one. I wonder howGreg Heffleyis doing with his journal..Beware the Nice Ones: Well, I'm mostly a nice guy. But if you do anything mean to me or my friends, you better watch out.Book Dumb: Well,I'm passing all of my classes, at least. I'm barely passing math, though.Born Lucky: What do you mean "lucky"? There are times I think that the world is out to get me! Then again, it may be me just stressing myself out over stuff...Break the Cutie: Two Christmases ago, Porkchop was about to be put down because he accidentally bit Beebe. Even today, the thought of me never seeing him again makes me cry...Butt-Monkey: Roger sometimes tries to get to me whenever he has the chance. Most of the time, he succeeds.Cannot Spit It Out: Me? Like-liking Patti? What are you talking about? Then again, she did take me out on a "date-date" not too long ago...Charlie Brown Baldness: What do you mean?! I'm not bald! I never have been! I just have short hair, that's all.Clear My Name: There were a few times where I was almost in trouble for something I didn't do. For example, Roger stole Mr. Bone's yodeling trophy and tried to pin the blame on me. Luckily, he accidentally came live on the school's PA system, and I got off scot-free.Clear Their Name: I spent that Christmas trying to clear Porkchop's name from being put down. I'm thankful I actually managed to prove he was innocent.Deadpan Snarker: I don't really get sarcastic much, but I have a tendency to snap back, especially towards Roger and Judy.Does Not Like Spam: I don't like liver and onions.Embarrassing Middle Name: My middle name is "Yancey". I already told the school guidance counselor that I hate it, but he keeps telling me to embrace it.Everyone Has Standards: I don't like being bullied, especially by Roger. But when Percy Femur showed up and tried to cream Roger, I just couldn't stand there and watch him about to get pulverized.First Kiss: Believe it or not, it was Beebe Bluff. She didn't want to be my girlfriend, however.Guile Hero: Well, I try not to use violence when I can, so I just use my wits.Heterosexual Life-Partners: Well, Skeeter's my best friend since I moved.I Have This Friend: And he wants to know what the best way to impress a girl is... It's not me. Someone else.The Illegible: At least Roger isn't able to read my journal.Insistent Terminology: It's a journal, not a "diary".Kids Shouldn't Watch Horror Films: Well, I may like horror movies, but they always scare the living heck outta me.Limited Wardrobe: Well, actually, I have the same sets of white t-shirts, green sweater vests, and khaki shorts.Love at First Sight: Oh, Patti you're the pickle in my coleslaw... Patti you're the sugar in my tea- I-I'm sorry...Was I rambling again?? Oh no...Naïve Newcomer: The day I moved to Bluffington, I explored the town and met the people who would eventually become my friends.—And there you have it. There's my list of tropes. The lesson I learned here is that you can learn a lot about a person from what they tell you. Some good, some bad, but at least you can get to know them a little better if you just ask.


Ruin-Your-Life-Inator!This page is best read in the voice of Dan Povenmire or German Fabregat.♫DoofenshmirtzTV Tropes Page Descriptiooooooooon!♫Ah, Perry the Platy—wait... you're not Perry the Platypus.Hmm... well, as long as you're here, I might as wellmonologueto you instead.And by the way, you are now trapped... by this article! You see, I have been studying this websiteTV Tropes, and what I have learned is that pages like these will distract youforever!They make you obsess over the various tropes and intricacies of fiction, open twenty different tabs at once, get stuck editing pagesall night, and overall be unable to direct your attention away, and thusyour life will be ruined!!Or at least, that's what happened to me.So yeah, you're now trapped. Go on, keep reading and wasting your life. Here, I'll even activate the "Read-This-Page-In-My-Voice-Inator" to make it easier.Let me tell you more about myself. I am one of the main characters ofPhineas and Ferb. My name is Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz, but my friends call me... uh... anyhoo, that's not important. Contrary to what people say,I am not a pharmacist!I am an evil scientist, and mark my words: I shall soon take over...the entire!! TRI-STATE AREA!!!HAHAhahahahaha...noteOh, and slight disclosure, I am not in any way, shape, or form related to thatRe Destroguy, nor is he actually me transformed by a Handsome-Inator into a muscular hunk. I know a lot of people think he's me, and trust me, I get it. Heck, if he makes one of these articles, he'll tell you himself!You might be wondering, "Why would he do this? Why would he trap an innocent little troper like me? What could he possibly hope to gain?What emotionally scarring backstory could possibly have made him so terrifically evil?" Well, to help you understand, I think I should tell you a little about mychildhood.It all began back in Gimmelshtump on the day of my actual birth.Neither of my parents bothered to show up.And my family was so poor that our beloved lawn gnome was repossessed. So day and night, I had to work as a lawn gnome. One day, I learned my parents were expecting a brand new baby girl. My mother spent months knitting pretty dresses. Unfortunately, the baby turned out to be a boy. Because we were out of material, I was forced to wear those same dresses for an entire year, drawing mockery and scorn from all of my manly classmates. Andoooh, my brother Roger. He wasalwaysmy mother's favorite. You see, her love was inexplicably linked to kickball, and Roger was an expert at it.My social life was, to say the least, a soul-shattering void. On my fifth birthday, I had to throw my own surprise party. A bully named Boris was always kicking sand in my face, and a girl named Grulinda would always pour water on my head. At one point, my parents even disowned me, and I had to beraised by wild ocelots.When I was sixteen, my parents kicked me out and sent me off on the greatest adventure of my life! I was heading to a golden land of opportunity; a land with a pioneering spirit which welcomed misfits like me... but I ended up inAmerica instead.My love life there was disappointing. At one point, I dated a girl named Linda. It didn't turn out well, but she was the one who gave me the idea to take over the Tri-State Area! I eventually married a girl named Charlene, and hada baby girl named Vanessa. Unfortunately, Charlene and I got divorced due to different interests. Specifically, I was interested in a tomato sock puppet, and she wasn't.Mr. Tomato:You know, it wasn't me she didn't like.Shut up! But on the bright side, Charlene still regularly gives me alimony checks, which turned out to be useful for funding all myevil inventions.After all I had been through, I finally decided totruly pursue evil. Thus began my career as an evil scientist!But one day, when I was getting my picture taken, I met my nemesis: the secret agent Perry the Platypus. All summer long that semi-aquatic mammal has been constantly thwarting my evil plans. But that's going to change with my latest evil scheme...BEHOLD!! THERUIN-YOUR-LIFE-INATOR!!!You might be wondering what that is. Well, you're looking at it; it happens to be this exact page. As I already mentioned,TV Tropes Will Ruin Your Life. By activating the Ruin-Your-Life-Inator, the tropes on this page shall distract all the people of the Tri-State areaforever!All of them, including my brother Roger the mayor, will be unable to perform their day-jobs! And with them all distracted, I will be able to waltz in, andTAKE OVER THE TRI-STATE AREA!!!Time to activate the -inator!*beep*It's working! It's working! It's functioning properly!Absurd Phobia: I do have a lot of fears, including heights, bats, shellfish, and vending machines taking over the world. But that last one is totally gonna happen!Abusive Parents: I suppose my parents were... neglectful, to say the least. But rest assured,I willnotlet the same thing happen with Vanessa!Accidental Misnaming: I don't get it. Everybody knows who Roger is, but not me. We have the same last name!Action Dad: Don't even tryanythingwith my daughter, or else!Affably Evil: I assure you, I amone-hundred percent certified evil...oh, that link isn't working for some reason? Just go ahead and usethis one, it's no big deal.Amazingly Embarrassing Parents: What? No I'm not! I'll prove it to you; I'll go overprotect Vanessa and show her what a great camper I am!Ambiguously Evil:NO!I am evil! Do not let the fact that I am so nice when not scheming, and often when plotting evil, fool you.And don't believe anybody when they saymy evil plans would be more annoying than anything else!Amicable Exes: Charlene and I have some disagreements, but we do get along most of the time.Amusing Injuries: One day when I was camping, I fell off a cliff and got a fire hydrant stuck in my leg. I'd have it removed, but the doctors say it's too close to an artery to operate.Arch-Enemy: Perry the Platypus is a suave, semi-aquatic personification of unstoppable dynamic fury. He works for the Organization Without a Cool Acronym, who battles evil scientists like myself.Perry the Platypus always thwarts me inevery episode.But this time, things are gonna be different!Artificial Limbs: I lost my arms at one point.*CLANG* *CLANG*See? Both titanium.Bad Is Good and Good Is Bad: I have an evil reputation to protect, you know! I once was out of evil ideas, so I decided to create a good-idea-inator to give me a good idea. But since I'm evil, I made a bad-idea-inator instead... but that didn't really work out either.Berserk Button:DO NOT sabotage my self-destruct buttons. Those are important!DO NOT attack Perry the Platypus. He ismynemesis.And whatever you do,don't mess with my daughter.Big Bad: I technically am the main source of evil and conflict in this show. However, some episodes have other villains show up. But they don't last, now do they?HAHAhahahahaa...Big Bad Wannabe: Although, in terms of success, I haven't actually, well, succeeded yet... oh, you laugh now, but very soon now, Iwillrule over,the ENTIRE! TRI-STATE AREA!!Birthday Hater: Well, neither of my parents showed up for my birth. And on my fifth birthday, I had to throw my own surprise party. So... yeah.Bond Villain Stupidity: One time I cuffed Perry the Platypus to a table with a laser slowly moving towards him. I got that idea froma movie, but never saw how it ended. It seemed fool-proof at the time though, but somehow he escaped!Born Unlucky: Well, both of my parents failed to show up for my birth, so...Breaking the Cycle of Bad Parenting: Well, if you have to call me a goodanything, "father" is one of the few things I can't say no to.Breakout Villain: Yeah, it turns out I'm from a show that's supposed to be about two boys building wacky inventions they use to have fun in summer, and the whole thing about me trying to take over the Tri-State-Area was the subplot. But look who walked out of here with a web show, a Twitter account, and a personalized TikTok! They love me! They really love me!Bungling Inventor: Hey, all my inators work! It's just that, you know, I... I don't use them properly.Bumbling Dad: I once took Vanessa to a baseball game, and I caught a foul ball inside the field wall for her! I don't see why everyone was so upset...wait, that counts as an out? How was I supposed to know that! I'm an evil scientist, not a baseball expert!Butt-Monkey: Sometimes, it feels like the universe is making jokes at my expense, from the moment I was born. I mean, it would take forever to go through all the tragedies I've experienced!Can't Get Away with Nuthin': For some reason, all my past schemes have horribly backfired on me!Card-Carrying Villain: Idohave a card for an evil organization.Catchphrase:"Curse you, Perry the Platypus!""Behold! The [WHAT IT DOES]INATOR!""Ah, Perry the Platypus, your timing is [adjective with prefix], and by '[same adjective with prefix]' I mean COMPLETELY [SAME ADJECTIVE WITHOUT PREFIX]!""Hey, is that [insert band here]?""It's working! It is functioning properly!!""A platypus?"(Perry the Platypus puts on his fedora)"PERRYTHE PLATYPUS?!"Chaotic Stupid: No, I'mChaotic Evil! Really!Character Blog: I have aTwitterand aYoutube Channel.The Chew Toy: Ugh. SeeIron Butt Monkey.Child Prodigy: As a child, I created my first inator for aScience Fair. It could fire an immensely destructive beam! But for some reason, it kept on losing to a baking soda volcano!Cloudcuckoolander: Well, I do admit I tend to babble on a bit.The Cuckoo Lander Was Right: In theGrand Finale, I came up with a plan to take over the tri-state area by building an inator that created a governor position for the tri-state area that I would run for and win because I was running unopposed. And I was right!Conspiracy Placement: My building has its own evil Jingle!Contractual Genre Blindness: Well, I have to follow the routine! Where's the fun otherwise? I trap Perry the Platypus, I monologue to him, he escapes, and then the chase is on! Of course, thus far he ends up winning... pretty much... all the time...Crazy-Prepared: 99% of the time I have a trap ready to spring on Perry the Platypus mere seconds after he arrives.Creator Cameo: Some people say that I sound like Dan Povenmire. Okay, first of all, who is this Dan Povenmire? He sounds like ahandsome guy!Crippling Overspecialization: My traps are designed to catch Perry the Platypus. They aren't designed to catch anything else.Cut Lex Luthor a Check:In "Backyard Hodge Podge", I started receiving royalty checks for my technology being used in eye checkups. But I absolutelyhatethe idea of my inventions being used for good.But I am OK with gaining money in a legitimate way as long as I can damage people in any other way. Like selling band-aids legally, but using an inator to papercut people.One time I wanted to open my own all you can eat buffet and created an inator to make myself extremely hungry and bankrupt the rest. When someone noticed I ate tons of food without gaining weight, he said I'd make millions selling this inator as a diet implement. What a stupid idea!I actually madean appearance on Shark Tank once.I tried to market my Shrink-inator. It... didn't end well.Dark and Troubled Past: My childhood.Dastardly Whiplash:Although I don't have a mustache or hat (and wear a lab coat like aMad Scientist), I seem to have some traits that fit this: exaggerated nose and chin, hunched posture, elaborate schemes, and over-the-top mannerisms.My historical counterpart at the Danville World Fair, however, more than makes up for it by having the mustache and the predilection for tying nemeses to train tracks.Deadpan Snarker: Sometimes I do this. But can you blame me?The world just doesn't make sense!Determinator: Perry the Platypus may have beaten me and thwarted my plans all summer long, but I am not stopping now! I will prove to you all that I am truly and thoroughly evil!!HAHAhahahaha.Didn't Think This Through: I seriously think I should change up my evil schemes a little. You know, so I don't actually lose when Perry the Platypus manages to turn my weapons against me? Like, ouch do they hurt. My doctors keep thinking I'm crazy when I go to get medical treatment!Disproportionate Retribution: I don't get what's the big deal! Look, Boris always kept kicking sand in my face when I was a child. Was it really too much to try and dump sand all over his house?Distaff Counterpart: Some say Professor Poofenplotz is this to me. That's cute, but her schemes don't even comecloseto mine, and she doesn't even have a decent lab coat.Ditzy Genius: Okay, what's with the ditzy part? I'm a little slow, sure, but I'm able to make weapons to take over—The ENTIRE TRI-STATE-AREA! Clearly I'm not all that dumb.Does Not Like Spam: I find rice pudding gross.Doting Parent: To Vanessa.Drives Like Crazy: Look, it's not my fault the Drusselstein driving test is the worst course ever designed! I can usually drive just fine!Embarrassing Old Video: Ugh... there was one where I was skating... in my underwear... into a toilet. They even made a remix.Norm: It's got ten billion hits! And there's only seven billion people on the planet!Enemy Mine: My battles with Perry the Platypus are sort of routine, so we sometimes work together on stuff when I'moff the clock.Eskimos Aren't Real: In my downtime, I like to cosplay as fictional characters, likeAbraham Lincoln.Even Evil Has Loved Ones: I do care deeply about my daughter AND arch-nemesis. You know how hard a decent one is to come by?Even Evil Has Standards:Taking over the world is crazy! And why destroy the Tri-State area? You have nothing to take over! I don't see whythose two talking miceput so much effort into an impossible task, let alonethe other guy that uses machines against a blue anthropomorphic animal.Aloyse Von Roddenstein's scheme to destroy summer and put the world in perpetual winter was just insane, alright?!* Evil GloatingEvil Is Hammy: Well, duh! It's not like evil scientists are supposed to be dull and boring people who act like they're smarter than everyone else and pretend their doing this for the greater good! Live it up a little! It's like the warmup act to when you win!Evil Is Petty: No I'm not! Mind-controlling pigeons to poop on myalways better brotherwas pure genius!Evil Laugh: I have an absolutely grand maniacal laugh!HAHAHahahahaha...Evil Plan: I have a lot of these, and need to explain them carefully to Perry the Platypus.Failure Is the Only Option: On rare occasions I successfully achieve my goals (making a mountain out of the mole hill and getting rid of the lighthouse), but otherwise, either Perry the Platypus foils me in traditional fashion, or there's aMeaningless Villain Victory... but hey, if it was easy, then everyone would rule the Tri-State area! And then we'd be forced to, I don't know, decide rules by voting or something.Failed a Spot Check: What is it with you people claiming I always fail to notice Perry the Platypus when he's not wearing a hat? I notice him just fine! Like this random platypus in my building! It's just...wait, a platypus?(Perry the Platypus puts on his fedora)PERRYTHE PLATYPUS?! Hey, get off my page, would you? I'm kind of in the middle of something here! Go bug thattalking candlestickorthat slug ladyfrom the company meeting! We'll get to the evil scheme later!For the Evulz: I ameviland proud of it!HAHAHahahaha...* Four-Temperament Ensemble: Sanguine/cholericFreudian Excuse: As I've said: "Evil science is like undergoing deep Freudian analysis with a theremin constantly playing in the background."Friendly Enemy: At this point, I guess I'm this with Perry the Platypus. I mean, by now, him thwarting me is sort of just routine, and when we're not doing that, we can do whatever else.* Funny ForeignerFuture Badass: I guess.I'm going to invent time travel, after all.Gadgeteer Genius: My inventionsdotend to work the way I intend them to. I just can't, you know, use them properly.Gonk: Crooked teeth... long nose... used as counterpart to theWicked Witchin theThe Wizard of Ozparody...brilliant.Good Parents: My parents weren't exactly the most attentive, so I certainly want to be this to Vanessa!The Grinch:Inverted, actually. I hate every holidayexceptChristmas (and Halloween). My Christmas wish was to find a reason to hate Christmas so that I could destroy it with proper villainous enthusiasm. It's eventually granted.Which ironically also gave me reason to celebrate the holiday anyway.Harmless Villain: Well, if by harmless you mean not inflicting any actual harm, then... yes.Heel–Face Turn: Some of you viewers who have seen "Last Day of Summer" say thatafter a heart to heart with Vanessa, she willdeconstructmy character and say I'm a good guy acting bad due to his childhood and I'm not really happy being evil.That's a funny idea, but I assure you that I am evil!I AM!!I do end up being remembered as a hero for inventing time travel, though, so there's that.* Herr DoktorHilariously Abusive Childhood: Well, I don't find it hilarious!Hoist by His Own Petard: Somehow, even the schemes that Perry the Platypus does not interfere in end up failing.Hostile Show Takeover: I once tried to give theMilo Murphy's Lawopening a go.It did not end well.Impossible Shadow Puppets: Oh, I'm good at this.Improbable Weapon User: I often a bunch of randomImprovised Weaponsduring my fights with my nemesis.Ineffectual Sympathetic Villain: One time I used a potted plant as aCompanion Cubewhen Perry the Platypus didn't show up. The plant somehow thwarted me, and theO.W.C.A.made the plant an agent in honor of this feat. Not my best moment...Insane Troll Logic: I once made an inator that turned eggs into dodo eggs because dodos are like dinosaurs. You know, cause both dodos and dinosaurs were extinct. I was hoping dodos would also be fearsome and dangerous but... eh.Inventional Wisdom: I need to install self-destruct buttons on everything.Norm:I wonder why you always fail.Be careful where you fiddle, Norm; you've got one too, you know.Iron Butt Monkey: So far I've survived fiery explosions, being hit by a giant ball of aluminum, the eruption of a volcano, the sinking of my lair while perched over a crocodile's mouth, crashing headlong into my own building several times...Jerk with a Heart of Gold: What? No I'm not! But I do care for my daughter Vanessa.Labcoat of Science and Medicine: Why do so many people think I'm a pharmacist?Large Ham: I do engage in this when narrating my evil schemes. And my songs tend to have a full Broadway-style kick line backin' me up!!Literal-Minded: Some of my schemes include using Norm the Giant Robot Man against Perry the Platypus, because "The enemy of a platypus is man.", making literal mountains out of literal molehills and leaving a giant carbon footprint witha giant foot made out of carbon paper. One time I painted myself green to be a better gardener, until I realized that "green thumb" was just a metaphor.Somehow, the green paintmissed my thumbs.Mad Libs Catch Phrase: "Why, Perry the Platypus, how [Negative Verb Form], and by [Negative Verb Form] I meancompletely [Positive Verb Form]!"Mad Scientist: Actually, it'sevilscientist.Get it right.ManchildMeaningful Name: Apparently, the name "Doofenshmirtz" loosely translates to "stupid pain" in German. I don't blame my parents though.Meaningless Villain Victory: This sometimes happens.Meta Guy: I'm fully aware of theFourth Wall. I live-tweeted the events of "Mission Marvel" on Twitter during its premiere on Disney Channel and did commentary during commercial breaks when it aired on Disney XD.Morally Ambiguous Doctorate: I got my degree over the internet with Charlene's money.Motor Mouth: I'd be obnoxious if I wasn't so charming.Never My Fault: It's not my fault, alright? It's Perry the Platypus; he ruins everything!Noodle Incident: Oh, so many that are too painful to recall. Let's just leave it at that, alright?Not-So-Harmless Villain: Several "what-if" episodes show that, without Perry the Platypus to stop me, Icanpotentially take over the Tri-State Area, if notthe world.Obviously Evil:HAHAHa... of course I'm evil, what did you think?Odd Friendship: With Perry the Platypus. He is my nemesis but that doesn't mean we have to be hostile all the time. When we aren't fighting, we act as best friends.Only Sane Man: Yes that may sound crazy but I was this the only member of L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N. who realized it was a dumb idea to cause an enternal winter.Boyfriend-Blocking Dad: Some random biker once hit on my daughter. SHE'S SIXTEEN! So Isent him to another dimension.Papa Wolf: You better leave my baby girl alone!Parental Abandonment: Mine couldn't be bothered to show up for my birth...for some reason. I don't know how that works! And later, I was abandoned to live with wild ocelots.Persona Non Grata: For some reason, the Albanian ambassador's wife filed a complaint against me, and I'm "never welcome in Albania ever again".Phony Degree: I bought my doctorate online with Charlene's alimony. But my inventions prove that I amcertainly brilliant.Poke the Poodle: Once I built a device that could translate my voice into 'whale speak' so that I could insult a whale that stole one of my girlfriends. Brilliantly evil!Punch-Clock Villain: My fights with Perry the Platypus have grown into routine.Raised by Wolves: I was raised by ocelots after my birth family disowned me. Legally, this makes me an ocelot, which comes with some handy legal implications!Science-Related Memetic Disorder: I have a big lever as a on/off switch for the lights. I also have an obsession with installing self-destruct buttons and other buttons or dials.Self Destruct Buttons:THESE ARE IMPORTANT!It's my thing, and I almostneverinvent an inator without one. I even take the time and liberty to include them on my non-inators, like the vacuum, my TV, the coffee machine, oh, see, even my underwear—YOOOOOOOOWWW!!!Yeah,thatwasnot pleasant.Series Goal: My dream, is totake overtheENTIRE TRI-STATE AREA!!!!HAHAHahahaha...Sibling Rivalry: Roger wasalwaysmy mother's favorite. But I'll change that; I'll show you!Sinister Schnoz: Well, I do have a long nose.It's sinister, though...Straight Man and Wise Guy: I am the wise guy to Perry the Platypus's Straight Man. He is a seriousSilent Snarkerand I am the wackyMad Scientist.Superpowered Eviler Side: In "This Is Your Backstory",my plan is to become this. I succeeded for a few moments before Perry the Platypus turned me back to normal.Take Over the ENTIRE TRI-STATE AREA!!!:HAHAHahahahaha...Team Rocket Wins: In "Phineas and Ferb's Quantum Boogaloo", I take over the world in theBad Future.Thinginator: Almost everything I invent needs the -inator suffix.Trademark Favorite Food: Almond brittle.Ugly Guy, Hot Wife: Hot ex-wife, actually. Yeah, Charlene is certainly the better looking one between us.The Ugly Guy's Hot Daughter: Hey, watch what you're saying about my Vanessa! She may certainly have picked up more of Charlene's looks than she did from me, butSHE'S SIXTEEN!I have an inator for anyone trying to catcall her!The Unfavorite: Even before my brother was born, my fathernamed our dog "Only Son".Unfortunate Names: "Doof" is German for "stupid". I still don't blame my parents, though.Villain Song: Oh, I have a lot of these. I just feel the need to explain my plans in song.Villain With An F In Evil: My mentor in evil came by to tell me I'm a failure. But Perry the Platypus thinks I'm evil!Wacky Parent, Serious Child: I wonder why Vanessa almost never smiles...Web Video: I've got a"Doofenshmirtz's Daily Dirt"on myYouTubechannel Doof Daily, where I share my rant of the day (well, technically it's rant of the week, but then it wouldn't be as alliterate)."Well Done, Dad!" Guy: I really,reallywant Vanessa to be proud of me.EventuallyI have some success.Wouldn't Hit a Girl: Perry the Platypus was stuck in a teenage girl's body once. This made things awkward.Zany Scheme: What? No, my schemes really are evil schemes! I am evil! I AM!!ESCAPE CLAUSE: READ VERY CAREFULLYWait, what? An escape clause through advice in another article? NOOOOO!!!Curse you, Perry the Platypus!!!


(You can read this in the voice of Ralph Wright, Ron Feinberg, Ron Gans,Peter Cullen,Brad Garrett,Gregg Berger, or Bud Luckey. It doesn't matter...)Here's one of my better pictures. Not that it matters...Hello.My name is Eeyore. Not that it matters much. I just slump around the Hundred Acre Wood, eating thistles and watching clouds go by. Not much else to say about me, since I'm not all that interesting. Oh, well. Might as well just sit back and let the day play out like it is.Wait, you're still here. You sure you want to hear more about me?Alright, but it's not very interesting.I'm a donkey who lives in the Hundred Acre Wood, under a little pile of sticks I call my home. It's not much, but it gives me shelter. Most of my days, when Christopher Robin isn't around, I usually hang around with Pooh, Piglet, Tigger, Rabbit, Kanga, Roo, Owl, and occasionally Gopher. Not that they ever notice me...Oh, and there was something about being made by a guy named A.A. Milne. Then somebody namedWalt Disneycame along andmade me more famous.Like I said, there's not much to tell...But, if you want, I do have an entire list of tropes that apply to me down below. Go ahead and read them. If you want. I don't care...Accessory-Wearing Cartoon Animal: These days, people remember that I have a bow on my tail. Which I always lose. But it's okay; someone will find. Eventually.Adaptational Nice Guy: I'm told that the version of me from the booksisn't as nice. That's too bad. I would have liked to have someone to talk to.The Big Guy: I'm not as tall as the rest of the gang, but I am pretty big for my size. Bigger than even Pooh after he's had too much honey. He's probably stuffed himself silly again.Birthday Episode: Pooh and Piglet once spent my entire birthday giving me presents. That's awfully nice of them. Thanks for noticing me...The Chew Toy: Nothing ever seems to go right for me. But that's okay; I just take it like it is.Civilized Animal: I'm not like some of those other guys on this website. I at least live in a home.Deadpan Snarker: Maybe it's just me, but I just see things as they are. Like the timelost Christopher Robin's very important papers. It washisfault. Not a smidge.Demoted to Extra: Not that I'm surprised by this. It seems that the rest of the world gets along fine without me. Sure,they let mehave some moments, but otherwise,they just leave me out. Oh, well.The Eeyore:Thanks for naming a trope after me...Flat Joy: I don't always get excited. Not that I have any reason to be excited.Five Temperament Ensemble: I'm always gloomy.Hidden Depths: I've always wanted to be happy. But when I try,the others don't seem to like it. Figures...being happy never seems to get me anywhere. But that's just how it is.Hypochondria: Given how I am, I'm probably gonna catch a cold.Inconsistent Coloring: Nobody seems to know if I'm blue or grey. It's okay. It doesn't really matter...Jerkass: Book-me is definitely one. I almost feel sorry for him. That could be me, but I don't have any reason to be mean. Besides, we haveRabbitfor that...Jerk with a Heart of Gold: I'm not always in a happy mood, but my friends matter to me the most. Not that they know that, mind you...Jumping-to-Conclusions Diagnosis: If anyone gets a cold, I'm probably gonna catch it too.A Lizard Named "Liz": Christopher Robin says my name is what a donkey sounds like. I've never heard another donkey say that, so I'll just have to take his word for it.Odd Friendship: Tigger may be the wildest bunch of the Hundred Acre Wood gang, but he's the best friend I could have. Beggars can't be choosers...Only Sane Man: Sometimes I end up like this for no good reason. That's what you get when you have friends who aren't always paying attention.Punny Name: Like I said, I'm named after a donkey sound. I don't get it, but it's okay...The Stoic: Nothing at this point could surprise me. I just take it like it is. Even if bad things happen.Surrounded by Idiots: Book-me thinks this of everyone else. I'm not upset about it; somedays I feel like that too. But I wouldn't change Pooh and the others. They're just special the way they are. Too bad they'll never know...Trademark Favorite Food: Thistles. Just plain old thistles. It's not much, but they taste pretty good. It's one of the few certainties in life...Vocal Evolution: Over the years, I've sounded a lot deeper thanks to somebody calledPeter Cullen. I used to just sound sad, but when he voiced me, I got a lot deeper. Come to think of it, his voicesounds familiar. Not that anyone will notice...noteStarscream: Oh, but I do...When He Smiles: Sometimes, I don't know what comes over me, but I give off a big old smile. I just hope it doesn't make everyone else feel uncomfortable...


Head's up: Don't just replace every instance of "l" and "r" with "w". Read back how it sounds in your head. Wive a wittle.Wabbit twacks! Gotta go!"Shhh! Be vewy, vewy quiet. I'm hunting wabbits. Huhuhuhuhuhuhuh."—And dat's my catchphwase!(For appwopwiate weading, pwease wead this page in the diawouge of the wate, great wadio star Arthah Q. Bwian. There'squite a few othah choicesout there, and evenMel Bwank himsewfgave me a voice sometimes, but some of Mistah Bwian's most wecognizable successows areHaw Smith,Jeff Bergman,Gweg Burson,Biwwy WestandEwic Bauza. Jeff or Ewic cuwwently portway me the most in wecent media.)Oh! Why, hewwo there! You must be one of those twopers I've been heawing about. I'd say it's vewy nice to meet you. Oh… you wanna hear abowt me? Dis is my sewf-demonstwating page? Wewl, I'd be qwite honored to obwige!My name is Elmuh J. Fudd.I'm a miwwionaiwe, and I own a mansion and a yacht!At weast, I used to.Moah impohtantwy, I'm a bewoved stawh in the Warnah Bwothahs'Wooney TunesandMewwy Mewodiesanimated pwoductions. Andmostimpohtantwy, I'm a pwoud,accompwishedgame huntah whose wife goawl is to catcha cewtain wascawwy wabbitonce and for awl!The pwobwem's dat he's just so dawncwafty!No mattah my twicks, no mattah my twaps, he aw-ways,aw-waysfinds a way awound it! But no worwies. For now, wet's get down to the auto-biogwaphical part of the page.My cawreah on the big siwvah scween started awwwwl the way back in 1937— and ahead of dat wabbit by a hop and a skip, if I might add— in a short cawwed"Egghead Wides Again", back when I was cawwed Egghead. I bewieve. Appawentwy,Mistah Mike-awl Bear-wiahsaid some of the people wuh-king on the cawtoons or pubwicizing them either couldn't tell the two of us apart or didn't even bothah. Oh wewl.After thwee yeaws of the Egghead pwototype, my appeawance was wefined in 1940 for a cawtoon cawwed"Elmuh's Candid Camewa". In it, I met a wabbit who I wanted to take a picture of, but didn't seem to want it.It's not quite my best fiwst step,but a wittle while waitah came"A Wild Hare", which cemented my wole as a big game huntah… and pwoperly intwoduced dat smart-awec wodent, Bugs Bunny, to made a mockewy out of me!Of course, the folks at Warnah Bwothahs weren't so mean and cwuel as to make dat my onwy puwpose. I've been in other showts where I've been stuff fwom a hunter toSewlvestah'sfinancial advisor to an office workah, and I could go on, but we've onwy got so much time.But as I've said, I'm mainwy a huntah out to catch a wabbit. I might not have been awl that successful since I've been twying forupwards to a centurwy by now, but as wong as there's bweath in my body, I won't give up yet!Here's some twopes that appwy to me:Adaptational Badass: Now, I typicawwy am not one to bwag, but dere awe some stowies where dis appwies to me.Inthat space show that stawed the duck, I was weimagined as an awien hivemind viwus called "The Fudd". Anyone who got infected with it had their head turn into mine, and then they would endwesswy waugh wike I do.When I tangled withthe Batmanat DC, I came cwoser to bwowing him away on my first twy than I did with the wabbit in decades! How'sdatfor cosmic iwony?Anti-Villain: Hey! I'm onwy a viwwan fwom the point of view of that wascawwy wabbit! Otherwise,I'm a pewfectwy nice and chawitable citizen. I just wike hunting is awl.Arch-Enemy: Tothat wascawwy wabbit. Though I wiwl huntthe ducktoo if given the opportunity. He's usuawwy an easier target.Art Evolution: I went thwough a couple of design changes befowe the Warnah Bwothahs settled on my curwent wook.Butt-Monkey: Sure, dat wabbit's made a monkey out of me for yeaws now, but you stiwl could've gave me a nicer name. I have feelwings, aftah awl.Catchphrase: Wight at the top: "Shhhh, be vewy, vewy quiet. I'm hunting wabbits. Huhuhuhuhuhuh!"Charlie Brown Baldness: Wike young Charwie Bwown himsewf, I haven't gotten a hair on my head. And to that I say…good gwief.Darker and Edgier:Inthat science fiction show stawwing the duck, I was made into a kind of awien disease that infected anyone cwose to my hosts. Anyone infected has their face wook wike mine, and they start waughing wike me, onwy endwesswy.When I went to Gotham City, the witers at DC weimagined me as a contwact kiwler who actuawwy gave Batman a wun for his money (though not as much asthat vewy mean and scawy cwown manwho Iweallyhope doesn'twearn about all dat). But if onwy I got to stay that way. Maybe I could've finawwy got that scwewy wabbit!Determinator: I WILL catch that wabbit, no mattah how wong and stwenuous the journey!Elmer Fudd Syndrome: Ooh, dis one'snamed aftah me! Geez, is the way I talk weally that pwevalent?The Everyman: I became this in a couple of shorts, wike when I had to wook aftah Cwabtwee's dog Wupert, or when that scwewy duck twied to sell me on push-button homes.Evil Vegetarian: Wait, "evil"? That's kinda hawsh. Dat said, I mentioned in one picture that I'm a vegetawian, and I onwy hunt for the spowt of it. Though in other cawtoons I don't weally seem to mind a bit of meat in my diet.But what can you expect of a guy who worked in the Wooney Tunes and Mewwy Mewodies?Got Me Doing It: Inone comic stwip, the fowman of a scwewdwivuh factowy stawts tawking wike me.Hidden Depths: Ah, how I adore the cwassical piano of Johann Stwauss. And I awso know awot about the awea of economics. This centuwy could use some of it, if I might add.Iconic Outfit: In the cartoons, I wear whatevuh is needed for the pwot. In othah media such as pwomotional matewials or what have you, I usuawwy wear my hunting cwothes.Ineffectual Sympathetic Villain: Wewl, I haven't actuawwy managed to catch that wabbit, but I'm touched that people actuawwy feel sowwy for me about it. In fact,Mistah Fwelingbewieved I was so soft that the wabbit was stawting to wook wike a buwwy picking on me, so he cweated that Yosemite Sam as a more aggwessive viwwan. I stiwl don't know how to feel about that, especiawwy since the Martian, Tazmanian Devil and witch came fwomthat same pwocess of ewimination.Literal-Minded: Now, now, I don't takeevewythingI hear witterawy. I just gotta make sure I'm hunting whatevah's in season. If I'm told it's wabbit season, I hunt wabbits. If it's duck season, I hunt ducks. If it's goat, mongoose, pigeon, dirty skunk, orbasebaww season… wewl, you get the point.Rascally Rabbit: Now, now, I'm not a wabbit mysewf, but I didname the twopeaftah hunting that you-know-who for so wong. I'wl get him someday.Signature Laugh: It's vewy distinct, isn't it? Huhuhuhuhuhuh.Team Rocket Wins: Who's this "Team Wocket"?Ah, I see.I guess I can welate given how they also twy hawd to catch a swipperwy cwittah.But yes, I have actuawwy got one ovah on that scwewy wabbitafewtimes. Huhuhuhuhuhuhuhuh!Awso, when I'm not facing off against dat scwewy wabbit, I do tend to win a wot more. It's just dat he's so twicky, see? When I'm fightingdat dawn duck, I tend to win at weast hawf da time. And in a showt cawwed "Cwows Feat", I easily handwed a pair of scwewy cwows. Oh! And in "What's My Wion?", I got to beat upa wionand a bunch of othah animaws who were awl pwetending to be stuffed — I pwetended I didn't know dat they were, but I knew awl awong, and I set a new wecord in giving them da boot, too!Trademark Favorite Food: InThe Wooney Tunes Show, I do wove me a nice gwiwwed cheese sandwich. Why, I couwdsingabout how much I wove gwilled cheese sandwiches. …Why are you stawing at me wike dat?Kiwl the wabbit/Kiwl the wabbit/Kiwl the wabbit/kiwl the wabbit!


You will respect my authoritah, troper!(This page is best read in the voice ofTrey Parker.)Hello, you guys. My name isEric Cartmanand I kick ass! Why? Because I did a bunch of shit that you won't be able to do. I starred in my ownstory arc with the "Coon"where I teamed up withthe Dark Lord Cthulhu, Imade Scott Tenorman eat his own parentsover $16.12, I successfully stoppedOsama bin Ladenfrom taking over the world by usingwild takesand all thatcartoon crap, and I starred in a Cheesy Poofs commercial! I also helped stop thewar between Canada and the United Stateswith my slaves Kahl, Stan, and that British dude I don't give a crap about. (Oh, and that one wasa musical, butI don't know why either.)Wait. Did I mention the time I became the Grand Wizard of Kupa Keep and first helped lead Microsoft to victory during the Console Wars (though that didn't end as hoped), thenhelped some kid named Douchebag (I named him) along on his quest for the Stick of Truth? (Oh, and get theGrand Wizard Editionof that game. It comes withan awesome figure of yours truly.) Oh yeah, andDouchebag's later joined me and the guys again for a game of superheroes, it was totally fucking sweet. I'm also a fierce supporter ofColorado's ownDenver Nuggetsandmy workplace'sLos Angeles Kings, which even let mespend a day withThe Stanley Cup!Anyway, this ismyvery own page on the wiki. Anyone can help me edit, as long as you're not Jewish, black, brown, yellow, red, gay,bisexual, transginger, a hippie, a communist, Buddhist, Muslim,Jewish, a Scientologist, Kyyyinny, Kahl, Kahl's mom, my mom,Seth MacFarlane, a ginger,a Jerseyite,Justin Bieber, Scott Tenorman, Wendy Testaburger,ClydeDonovan,CraigTucker,James Cameron,Barbra Streisand- Wikipedia, a government worker, a senior citizen,Jewish, a zombie, a Nazi Zombie (regular Nazis are fine),fat, a fat shammer,PewDiePie, PC Principal, my ex-girlfriendHeidi Turner, Butters orJewish. There. Got all that?You seriouslah better not edit this page if you'reJewish.And you'd better shut yer yapper if ya don't want yer ass handed to ya!The following tropes apply to me, myself, and I, Eric Cartman:Acrofatic: What!? I'm not fat! I'm just big-boned! And so is that menace to society, the Coon! How the hell would he be able to scale entire buildings if he was a slobby fatass? Oh, and about that time I caused the entire class to fail a fitness test?It was ''their'' fault.Anti-Hero:I was this before Scott Tenorman decided to push my buttons by selling me his pubes for $16. After that, I decided to be acomplete dickto him and everyone else. But hey! The world deserves it! Though I have softened up a bit lately, and am evenin charge of all the good guysinThe Stick of Truth.Then there was that time when a hippie music festival invaded South Park, and I saved the town by driving the hippies away with death metal. I even bargained with the adults so that I got a new Tonka radio-controlled bulldozer and got to play with it in the skewl parking lot where Kahl had to watch me and get super-jealous because he doesn't have one! It was a sweet victory!Animal-Themed Superbeing: The Coon may dress up as a raccoon, but his vigilantism has no place in this world; he's a menace.But he's obviously really kewl!Arch-Enemy:Kahl Broflovski. That fucking prick is always preaching about what I'm doing is wrong and how I only care about myself and then he's always trying to stop my plans. And on top of that, he's a fucking Jew. And a ginger. And he recently turned out to be fromJerseytoo.There is also Wendy Testaburger. That liberal bitch is always trying to fuck me over. she gave me aNo Holds Barred Beat Downwhen I made fun of Breast Cancer, gave my idea of "Dancing With Smurfs" to James Cameron and let that fucking prick change the name toAvatar, ruined my plan of getting my own bathroom by changing into a guy and using it, and made me the ugliest kid in skewl in place ofKahl, when she found the real list. I only hate her less than Kahl cause she's not a Jew or a ginger or from Jersey and we wereattracted to each other once.There's also Mysterion, AKA Kyyyinny McCormick, who's always trying to prove he's better than me when it comes to being a superhero. Not only that but he also said that I'm not an actual superhero because I'm only making the world a better place for me. Uh,That's what superheroes do!However they all pale in comparison to my ultimate nemesis, Scott Tenorman! He's an absolute asshole whoconned me of my $16 with his pubes so I decided to get back at him by feeding him his own parents in the form of chili.It seemed I had the last laugh, then that motherfucker showed up and revealed to me and the world that my father was his father whom I killed and fed to. That means I'm Half Ginger. HALF GINGER!! Although this is mitigated in that I'm also half Denver Bronco, which is pretty kewl. Anyway, he managed to escape me for now, but make no mistake I will have my revenge onSCOTT. FUCKING. TENORMAN!Ass Kicks You: This one time, while I was Sumo wrestling with Craig, teaching him how to fight and stuff, I totally kicked his ass by literally usingmyass! And he cried like a little girl! Even though I'm all buff and stuff and don't have an ounce of fat on me, sensei said with the power of my ass, I should consider Sumo wrestling.Attention Whore: And I fuckingdeserveyour attention!Audience Surrogate: Sometimes when I getA Day in the Limelight. Usually Kahl or Stan are this, but when they aren't around, who else is going to react the way you guys would to all that weird shit that happens in South Park?Ax-Crazy: Come on, what's wrong with wanting to kill some people once in a while? Like the time I killed Scott Tenorman's parents and fed them to him? Or when I teamed up with Cthulhu and killed all the hippies, Jews, gaysandJustin Bieber?Author Avatar: One ofthe dudes upstairs(the one who does my sucky voice — seriouslah, dude, I should sound better than that!) apparently shares some of my views, like howFamily Guyis one of the worst fucking cartoons ever, or how gingers have no souls.Batman Gambit: I pulled a truly epic one in "Scott Tenorman Must Die!".Be Careful What You Wish For: When I began living in a hot dog, I only wanted to move back to my former house. But then one day after Butters forced me into taking a job at an ice cream store, I decided to turn that hot dog into my own personal paradise: DikinBaus. (Hehe, DikinBaus...) But then Mem and Butters fucked me by selling it under my back and forced me back into that shitty home! GODDAMNIT I WANT DIKINBAUS!DIKINBAUS!!!!!!Big Bad: It sure is nice to be the bad guy. Especially when I was the Coon and got to team up with theDark fucking LordCthulhu.Berserk Button: There's many things that pisses me off like Jews, hippies,and Jewish hippies. But to start off...Don't you dare compare me to that fucking hackSeth Macfarlaneand that fucking show of his.How many times do I have to tell you, I'm not fucking fat!Big Eater: I love me some pie, KFC, and Cheesy Poofs, and goddammit you can't have any!Big Brother Mentor: Yeah, believe it or not,during my time as Grand Wizard, I taught Douchebag (who some of you know just as the New Kid or evenDovahkiin) everything he knows about how to fight and even some of what he knows aboutmagicand I'll admit I've been a hell of alot more respectful and friendlier toward him than I have with the rest of Kupa Keep. Kahl would no doubt make you thinkI'm just using Douchebag for my own gain, but you'd be smart not to listen to anything that fucking lying Jewish Elf says.Bizarre Taste in Food: What?! Chocolate chicken pot pies, powdered donut pancake surprise and chocolate toaster pastry butterballs are real foods, and they're totally awesome! Whateva! I do what I want!Boisterous Weakling:I am not weak, and I'll kick your ass if you—AHHH! (trips and falls on his face) MEEEEEEMMMMMM!Boob-Based Gag:I had a surgery to give myself fake boobs. They were originally planned for Mom, but she is acting crazy since we moved to the hot dog and refused to go along with my plan to get us out of the hot dog stand. Just to clarify, this was not a choice!Breakout Character: Originally, I was just thatBig-Boned Kidsharing the spotlight with those other guys, but I turned out to be so much kewler than them that I became the most popular character on the show! I mean who's your favorite character?(imitating high-pitched stupid voice: Oh, I dunno, is it Stan? is it Kahl?)Wrong! It'sme!Broken Pedestal: Ha! you better believe theNew Kidused to really hold me on a pedestal! They thought of me as a great friend and mentor. They could easily tell you themself! (at least they would ifthey started talking).BUT! New Kid suddenly decided they didn't want anything to do with me anymore, all because they thoughtIwas Mitch Conner, the crime boss who kidnapped their parents, come on, New Kid!you of all people should know I'm not him!Butt-Monkey: It's not fair!I am the nicest kid in the worldand all thisbad shit happens to me for no good reason!Can't Stand Them, Can't Live Without Them:I threw a party when Kahl moved away, but then I had to deal with Butters and he makes a crappy replacement Jew! (Seriouslah, he's not even Jewish!) And then there was the time Kahl saved me and Dogpoo after Snooki raped us. So I guess he's good for something.Also Kyyyinny. I hate him too, but if he's not around, then I can't make fun of him for being poor anymore. And because it makes ME the poorest kid in skewl!Catchphrase: I've got a few;"Screw You Guys, I'm going home!""Suck my balls!""I'll kick you in the nuts!" or "I'll kick you squah in the nuts!"Cool House: I used to live in DikinBaus, which was lame until I redecorated it, but Butters and mom decided to fuck me over and sold it under my back in order to move me to my former shittier house.The Corrupter: I manipulatedmy former girlfriend Heidiinto being just like me! Unfortunately, Imayhave made a mistake in doing that...Crazy Homeless Person: I bet KAHL paid you to say that I will end like this!Dirty Coward: I am not a coward!When I start I fight will got at to my last breath!Disproportionate Retribution:NO, killing Scott Tenorman's parents, chopping them up, putting them into chili, and feeding them to him was NOT disproportionate retribution! It was a very VALID retribution after the ASSHOLE stole SIXTEEEN DOLLARS AND TWELVE CENTS and BURNED IT ALL RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME! Goddamn it, I fucking HATE SCOTT TENORMAN!I poisoned Billy's lunch milk and told him that the only way he could get the cure is that he could hacksaw his leg, all because he called me chubby.Does Not Like Spam: Why else did I team up with Cthulhu to destroy that organic crap factory that is Whole Foods?Ironically, when PC Principal first became principal of my skewl, he and Stan's dad had Whole Foods brought to our town, and not once had I complained about it throughout the entire season, even when its presence made it too expensive for anyone to live there.Elimination Catch Phrase: So you didn't have what it takes to replace Kyyyinny in our group, did ya? To that, I say... "Get the fudge out!"Even Evil Has Standards:Shooting people in the dick, Butters? What the hell?! THAT'S WRAAAAAAUNG!! I also can't stand cats being tortured, minorities, yes, but never cats!Those Super Adventure Club guys are just fucking sick! I have done a lot of stuff to people, but I was just as horrified by those pedophile freaks as everyone else was. And let's not even get started with my brief stint with NAMBLA!Kyyyinny getting high is just wrong so I tried to stop him.I was also completely willing to give the pangolin to the scientist for a COVID-19 cure, only for that god dammed prick President Garrison to show up and burn those two alive with his flamethrower!When everybody at skewl saw Tweek constantly going mental, even I wondered what the hell his parents do to him.Evil Cannot Comprehend Good: What do you mean I can't understand being nice?! I wore a nice sweater didn't I? I also don't get why the others felt remorse after we framed Butters for TP'ing the art teacher's house, we got away with it didn't we?Evil Is Hammy: Disagree with the "large" part, but agree that I'm deliciously mean!Farts on Fire:One time, I couldn't stop farting fire out of my ass. It was really goddamn painful. The other guys say the fire was shot out from a malfunctioning anal probe that some aliens inserted into my ass for some kinda"Truman Show" Plot, but I sayit was all those extra spicy tamales Chef made.Now, I used to think this was bullcrap that only happened in "Terrance And Phillip," so Kyyyinny bet me a hundred bucks that he could do it. And he showed that, yes, youcanlight a fart on fire. Who knew? Then the dumbass lithimselfon fire and burned to death, which was pretty sweet, 'cause that meant I didn't need to pay him.Fat Bastard: Hey, fuck you! I'm not fat, I'm — *ahem* I mean, this trope issubverted. I may be a bastard, and boy do I love being one, but I'm not fat. At all. Ever. I'm just big-boned.Capische?The Friend No One Likes: Those other guys can't stand me because they know I'm so much better than they are. That's fine, 'cause I don't like them either!Future Loser:Where the hell did you get the idea that I'm going to grow up to be a crappy mechanic? Because I told that one butthole off who claimed he was my future self? Screw you and screw him! That was just a trick by those assholes at Motivation Corp after I smeared poop all over their walls!Apparently, this is averted and my real future is to get a hot wife, kewl, and become a...Jewish rabbi?! WHAT THE HELL IS THIS BULLCRAP?!!Okay, looks like that was false. My real,realfuture is to be...some poor homeless drunk?! KAHL, SERIOUSLAH, HAVE YOU BEEN MESSING WITH MY TROPE PAGE?! I am going to kick you in thenutsfor this!Groin Attack: Don't piss me off or else I'll kick you in the nuts!I Am Big Boned: I'm also getting in shape. In fact, I am buff. Festively plump, even. I just haven't grown into my body yet. But it's a sweet hockey body. In the end, no matter how you slice it, I am in no way fat. You can't slim down bones, stupid. BEEFCAKE!Jerkass: I was the fuckin' PAGE IMAGE for that trope for a REEEEASON!Jerkass Has a Point:A lot of viewers agree with me when I said thatFamily Guyis a piece of shit.When the town outlawed cats, I was the only person to acknowledge that the cats were innocent creatures who didn't do anything wrong.Karmic Butt-Monkey: Oh fuck you, TV Tropes! I bet Kahl paid you in Jew Gold to make that trope!Last-Name Basis: All the other kids except for Butters just call me Cartman. Only Butters and adults call me Eric. I'm kewl with it either way.Just don't call me fat!!!Manipulative Bastard: Remember the time I pretended I was Butters on the phone and cussed out his parents, and they came home and kicked his ass? Ah, good times. I wish you could bottle that feeling. And the time I convinced him the world ended so I could go to Casa Bonita instead of him? And then I almost got a Family Guy episode pulled except then that stupid Jew Kahl showed up and ruined everything!Metaphorgotten: While I was arguing about taking a moral stand on issues back when me and the guys had our own start-up company, Kahl claimed that I mix up NFL players molesting little boys and Catholic Church clergymen beating up their wives in an elevator. I say they're the same thing!The Napoleon: Who are you calling short, dickhead?! I'll kick your ass!Narcissist: Seeing how the world really does revolve around me and what I want, can youreallycall me a narcissist? I mean, can youreally? I mean, I was once bullied by some psychotic TV dog trainer into entertaining the laughable thought that just maybe it wasn't the case, and... Uh... And... And... And I... I-I, uh... Huh. Funny thing, really. I can't seem to remember much of that experience... Why is my nose bleeding?Official Couple: Guess what, bitches? I once had a girlfriend, and her name wasHeidi Turner! I loved her so fucking much and I'm PISSED THAT SHE BROKE UP WITH ME!!!Oh, Crap!: When I found that Kahl's mom wasRight Behind Meat the end of my song where I called her a big, fat, fucking bitch.Pet the Dog: When I learned that Chef was returning after an unexplained absence, I wanted to see him. Chef was kewl, and I was the first to suggest he might have survived falling off a cliff.There's also the times whereI took the New Kidunder my wing. I'm always the first to welcome them into the fold and I'm the one who forged them into the badass they've become.Can you really be surprised they're among the few people who rightly respect me?Well at least they used too....I love my cat, sowhen the town outlawed cats to keep people from getting high, I hid him up my attic to make sure he wouldn't get taken away, and gradually I started hiding even more cats.Because no living thing should be forced to hide our of fear of persecution.I was moved by Stan's speech about being fed up with the fucking COVID-19 pandemic and him breaking into tears.I also saved Kahl and his entire family (yes, even Super Bitch Sheila) from being killed by San Francisco choking on its own smug. Picking on Butters wasn't nearly as much fun as winding up Kahl.I actually hit it off with Stan's older sister Shelley and we fucked up her ex-boyfriend. What was a twenty-year old guy doing dating a twelve-year old girl, anyway?I've been fighting for years to protect my town from hippies. I'll even do free door-to-door consultations to help homeowners get rid of any hippies infesting their property. The mass hippie festival was a close call, though.Police Brutality: One time, I took over policing duties while Barbrady was learning how to read. And in that time, I taught everyone to RESPECT MAH AUTHORITAH!Politically Incorrect Villain: I just don't like Jews, and I'm not a fan of Blacks, Asians, and Hispanics either! Nowadays, since this doesn't work well, I've decided to try being PC.PSYCH! Ha-ha-ha!Pretty Fly for a White Guy: When I was trying to find out who my real Dad was, I dressed like a hip-hop rapper and used "Black" speech after I thought that Chef was my father. And this actually wasn't me being racist for once-I really did think I was half-Black. Thank Christ I dodged that bullet...Red Is Violent: I wear a red jacket and can kick anyone's asses when provoked.Screw This, I'm Outta Here: Whenever the guys are pissin' me off or acting lamer than usual, I just give 'em the old "Screw you guys, I'm going home."Secret Chaser: Back when the Coon first started his career and tried to raise awareness, this butthole calling himself Mysterion showed up and stole the glory. I suspected that someone in my class was Mysterion, since I told everyone about the Coon earlier that day. I still remember these words I uttered during my investigation: "Why do you have a picture of Mysterion in your locker, Kyyyinny? ...Unless youareMysterion!" Well, guess what, you guys? I WAS RIGHT!! That poor piece of crap deserved to be sent juvenile hall for being a copycat! Who cares if all the other kids had pictures of him in their lockers? The point is moot now!Self-Fanservice: I have many adoring anime fangirls who rightfully draw me as thehandsome, skinny pretty boy that I am. But as forthat other thing they do with me and Kahl... well,fuck. Just readthis thing that I wrote. (At least Kyyyinny seemed to enjoy the whole thing, so the dudes upstairs decided to let him be abona fide Japanese princess. Don't ask why he wanted to be a chick too, it's just how he seemed to be rolling then.)Self-Fulfilling Prophecy: What the fuck do you mean my recent actions are gonna cause me to become a hobo?!Sharing a Body: For a while, Kyyyinny's soul was stuck in my body because his parents were too poor to give him a proper burial and his ashes looked like chocolate milk mix. It sucked balls having him inside me and I eventually had to get him out before my time ran out (whatever that means), but I did at least learn where the stupid asshole hid the ticket for the candy store shopping spree.Shock and Awe:Well, I got this V-chip doohickey stuck inside me after I called Kahl's mom a bitch (in song!) and itjust so happened to malfunction just in time for me to electrocute the everloving shit out of Saddam Husseinbyswearing. Here's a taste of how I did it:Me:"Fuck, shit, cock, ass, titties, boner, bitch, muff, pussy, cunt, butthole, Barbra Streisand!!"[electrocutes Saddam Hussein]I've also kept this ability during thattime we were playing fantasy and I worked with Douchebag.Signature Song: I once came up with the best Christmas song ever, it's about how Kahl's mom is a stupid bitch, come onsing along everyone! *ahem*♫ Weeeeeellll,Kahl's mom's a bitch, she's a big fat bitch, she's the biggest bitch in the whole wide world, she's a stupid bitch, if there ever was a bitch, she's a bitch to- ♫God damn it I told you to sing ALONG!Sir Swears-a-Lot: My swearing can even beweaponized!Son of a Whore: HAIY! You will take that back RIGHT NYAH, or I will kick you in the nuts! My Mem isnota whore, she didnotstar in a German movie where she got pooped on, and whatever she did was because she was young and needed the money! ...What do you mean that happened last month?! SCREW YOU!Stock Ninja Weaponry: I managed to pick this kickass pair of sai at the Park County Fair. With them, I became Bulrag, tough brute ninja who dedicates his life to eradicating the world of hippies and who has lots and lots of powers! Kahl didn't like that of course, but screw him!Tempting Fate: When Chef fell off a cliff and a cougar and bear tore him to pieces, I suggested he might be okay. Then he crapped his pants.Troll:No matter how nasty I'm feeling, it sure is damn fun to make other people feel like shit. Especially Kahl. And I've been doing this a lot longer than thatTerumijackoffnoteTerumi: You wanna go at it, you fat little pigshit?! Waitaminute, I don't have to, 'cuz I'm not the one eating a spooge burrito! HA! Oh yeah I WILL tell Heidi about your past! Oh wait she dumped your Fat Ass! I may be dead in my own series but at least I'm not a filthy hobo in the future wallowing in his own shit, piss, puke, smegma, and cum! HA HA HA!!! Nice tits, BTW! HA HA HA HA HA HA!.But I am NOT Skankhunt42.I bet it's Kahl's dad, that fucking Jew asshole lawyer!Took a Level in Jerkass: After Scott Tenorman fucked me over for the last time, and I gave him what for, I decided that nobody was gonna stop ME from doing WHAT I want WHEN I want!Took a Level in Kindness: So in recent years, I've been trying to calm down from my evil ways. I even toldKahl that I just am not into these old shenanigans anymore.I just hope TrollTrace.com and Heidi's emoji analysis don't force my past to catch up with me...The Virus: Just a while back, I started on my own commentary channel onYouTubecalled "CartmanBrah", where I comment on people commenting on games, then branching out to commentary on people commenting on other stuff. I soon developed a following, and I bolstered it with a holiday special with live tweeting and everything, to the point where my CartmanBrah commenter window was everywhere. Unfontunately, just as I was on my way into becomingThe Singularity, Kahl and his stupid "#WeBelieveInYou" hashtag ruined everything, andGod damnedPewDiePieshowed up and deleted my holiday special in favor ofCall Of Dutycommentary!Villainous Rescue:I once saved Kahl from dying in a smug storm, even at risk to my own life. Don't get the wrong idea, I didn't do it because I liked him, I did it because like Stan said, I can't go on without Kahl to rank on.Vitriolic Best Buds: I hate Stan, Kyyyinny andespecially Kahl, and they hate me right back, but we still hang out.They all want to hang out with me because I'm the kewlest kid in South Park, and I let them because of how kewl I am.Vocal Evolution: My voice was higher-pitched and more nasally in the early days ofSouth Park. I guess that's what seventeen years of bitching around (and never growing up) does to ya.Wise Beyond Their Years: I may not have grown my pubes yet, but I'm so much more mature than all the other kids my age. It's why I keep trying to make more mature friends,even if they keep turning out to be sick perverts.Your Mom: As you found out from the episode "The Poor Kid", I'm quite good at 'Yo Mama'. Especially the 'Yo Mama So Poor' jokes toward kids in skewl poorer than me — even Kyyyinny! His Mama So Poor she hangs toilet paper out to dry! *laughs maniacally*But don't think this meansyou can take ashot at my meeem!!!On a final note:Screw you tropers,I'm going home.You're dephbpbphpicable.Alternative Title(s):South Park Eric Cartman