What were they thinking?So, it's time to talk about... myself. On this godforsaken website called TV Tropes. More like TV Turd! Come on, I'm a fucking video game reviewer! GetThe Nostalgia Criticfor this television shit! Oh, all right.So, I'm the fucking Nerd, and I review shitty games. It's my duty to review dysfunctional games (mostly made by the incarnate of hell,LJN) and warn people from playing this shit. They have several fucking problems, like shitty controls, HORRIBLE music, annoying enemies and putrid graphics. Seriously, WHAT THE FUCK WERE THESE PEOPLE THINKING?!? I'D RATHER PUT MY BALLS IN A CROCODILE'S MOUTH WHILE SHOVING MY HEAD UP A UNICORN'S ASSHOLE!!!!These tropes are a shitload of fuck:10-Minute Retirement: I thought I finally hit the bottom of the barrel withDesert Bus. The fact that a game like it could come into existence and that people have played it and suffered through it and evenadapted it into anAtari 2600gamemeant that I had failed. I did everything that I could. It was time to retire... untilCastlevania II:Simon's Redaction.The Alcoholic: Comes when you review shitty fucking games. I especially like Rolling Rock. And I like drinking Rolling Rock on a Roll n Rocker. ROLLING ROCK ON A ROLL N ROCKER!Alternate Self:Youknow who you are - you're a nerd. You'll always be a nerd. Avideo gamenerd.Arch-Enemy:Laughin Jokin' Numbnuts bring nothing but misery by making more SHITTY FUCKING GAMES! Also, Fucking Fred Fucks and that Bugs Bunny Bitch!Robert Louis Stevenson:YOU RUINED MY LIFE!!!Ass Shove: I wonder ifThe Jokergot all thoseBatmangames I put in his ass out yet.Before the Dark Times:Fuckin' video games. We wasted so many hours of human life with this vile crap! We failed in our existence when we were cursed with the technology to invent such horrible mind-rotting catastrophes! We were better in the fucking medieval times! I wish we were just sitting on a river bank playing with fucking rocks!Berserk Button:Really shitty controls! Like there's four buttons in front of the controller! BUT THAT'S NOT ENOUGH TO WORK WITH?!? INSTEAD THEY PROGRAM IT TO ALL KIND OF CRAZY BUTTON COMBINATIONS AND SHIT?!?Awful, awful music. I especially hate LJN Video Art. It just goes KHHHHHHHHHHHHH. PERFECT FUCKING QUALITY. Makes Beethoven look like fucking pop shit. You know thatwhenever I see that rainbow logo on the box or cartridge, that means I'm fucked.NO FUCKING PAUSES! Do I just have to hold my shit?!? Or, actually never mind. I'll just shit on shit... I mean the cartridge... fuck off. My ass is worth more!Boom, Headshot!: Jason is easier to beat inReal Lifethan he is inthat fucking game.Born in the Wrong Century: If only I wasn't born too fucking early, I would've been able to play thePipeworks ''Godzilla'' Trilogywhen I was a kid.Catchphrase: Here are my thoughts on this article.AAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSS!!!WHAT A SHITLOAD OF FUCK!!!I'D RATHER EAT SHIT AND CHOKE ON IT TO DEATH!!!WHAT WERE THEY THINKING?!?!FUCK THIS GAME!!!THIS GAME SUCKS!!!SHITTY GAMES... SHITTY GAMES!!!I'M DEAD. FUCKING. SERIOUS.LET'S POP THIS FUCKER IN!Burning Bag of Poop: Goddamn kids left mea flaming bag of shiton my doorstep during Halloween 2015.Caustic Critic: What? You think I'm gonna be nice to shitty games? Piss off.Cluster F-Bomb: Man, fuck this article! Fuck it to hell! Fuck it to oblivion! It fucking sucks!Comical Overreacting:WHY ARE THEY NO FUCKING CONTINUES IN GAMES?!? WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!Country Matters: Believe it or not, "cunt" is a swear I only use sparingly, such as when I'm trying to use different commands to shoot a duck inDuck Huntor when I'm dealing with a console that legally could only be released in Europe.Cue the Flying Pigs:They madea game...THAT'S NOT STEAMING PILE OF FUCKING SHIT! OH, MY GOD!!!I came really close to saying, "This gamesucks so badly, it would be more fun to play with cat turds". Well then here comes a gameWHERE YOU'RE ACTUALLY PLAYINGWITH CAT TURDS!!!Deadpan Snarker: Wow, I'm like, totally fucking surprised you haven't noticed this already.Disco Dan: What? I'm supposed to bring people back to the past.Dung Fu:BOMBS AWAY, BUNNY BITCH!!!AND YOU TOO,ECCO!!!Ear Worm: ♫Wǒ ài Běijīng Tiān'ānmén, Tiān'ānmén shang tàiyáng sheng♫...how do you like THAT soundtrack?!THAT WON'T GET ANNOYING AT ALL!!Eating Shoes: Bart's my ass and Krusty's my balls.Fuck this shit- now, I'm going to eat my own shorts.Excrement Statement: Since theAtari Jaguar CDlooked like a toilet, I took a shit on it. Oh, andLloyd Kaufmandid the same onToxic Crusaders.Eye Beams:This one sucks my left ball, this one sucks my right ball.WELCOME TO DIE!!!For Science!: Apparently, itispossibleto break a window with a newspaper.Goomba Stomp:BEETLEJUICE, BEETLEJUICE, BEETLEJUICE!IT'S SHOWTIME!!NNNGGH! MMM! AAAAH!I've seenThe Exorcist167 times, it keeps getting funnier EVERY FUCKING TIME!!Gratuitous German:DAS SPIEL IST SCHEIßE! DIESES SPIEL FICKT DICH HÄRTER ALS DAS LEBEN!noteThis game is shit! This game fucks you harder than life!Gratuitous Japanese: ♫ZYURANGER, ZYURANGER, DENSETSU NO SENSHI-TACHI YO, ZYURANGER!♫Hair-Trigger Temper: SHITTY FUCKING GAMES REALLY FUCKING TRIGGER ME, MAN!Hurl It into the Sun:Superman 64is a bunch of fuck, and it doesn't belong on this planet! I, the Fuckin' Nerd, threw it to where it belongs!Impaled with Extreme Prejudice: DIE,MONSTER! YOU DON'T BELONG IN THIS WORLD!Kill It with Fire: Winter Games, theSega 32X,the Amiga CD32andBeavis And Butthead... BURN, MOTHERFUCKERS, BURN!!!Large Ham: You'd scream - and mug, and commit random acts of violence - if you were dealing with those games too!Licensed Game:The bane of my existence.Although there are also games based on me, such asThe Angry Video Game Nerd Adventures,which I made sure to play- and har, har, really fucking funny, they tend to beabusingly hardand full of dickish design decisions just like the games I review.invokedMalaproper: "Cleared ACT Mission"? What kind of terminology is that? That's like saying "Cleared LEVEL Stage"!This gameis dick cock.A Molten Date with Death:Greendogfor the Genesis got thrown into actual fucking lava.Neck Snap: I had to permanently killSuperman 64this way. It was going to hurt all the good, innocent games.Out-of-Character Moment: On rare occasions, a video actually has thoughtful, insightful analyses of games that don't fucking suck.My video onEarthboundis a perfect example. Judging by the comments, it's also one of the most well-received.Precision F-Strike: Gee, what a shock. It's not like this isn't one of my most common fucking trademarks.Punctuated!  For!  Emphasis!:IT SUCKS! MONKEY! BUTTS! LIKE ALL! THE FUCKIN'! REST!!!Sanity Slippage: Admit it,you fucking rat bastards. A lot of you watch my videos because you enjoy seeing me suffer and become increasingly enraged by the endless amount of bullshit I have to deal with in almost every game I play. That's it, isn't it, you walking, talking pieces of roadkill fuckery? MY MENTAL HEALTH IS JUST A TWISTED GAME TO YOU, ISN'T IT, YOU COCKSUCKING SHITBAGS?!?Sir Swears-a-Lot: Wow, how fucking shocking. It's not like that's the fucking main fucking thing about my fucking character... ya fuck.Spell My Name with an S:BUT IT WAS SPELLED "STEIN"!! IT WAS SPELLED "BERENSTEIN"!!!Suicide by Sunlight:Oh, I'm sick of it all!Morning sun, VANQUISH ME!!!A Taste of the Lash:I thought theSega Genesisversion ofDark Castlewas bad, but thePhilips CD-iversion FUCKS YOU HARDER THAN LIFE ITSELF! IT'S A CURSE TO THE SOUL, AND IT MUST SUFFER THE TORTURES OF THE DAMNED!!Oh, andSonic the Hedgehog (2006), as well: TAKE IT, YOU FUCKING GAME! YEAH, YOU LIKE THAT!? FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT!!Testosterone Poisoning:BRUTAL CHEX!!!This Is a Drill: IfDick Tracywould've just given me continues, I wouldn't have had to put a power drill through it.This Is for Emphasis, Bitch!:LIGHTS OUT, BITCH!!!Toilet Humor: I just can't help but think about shit! If not piss or vomit! And thus all those fluids are always out, either verbally or literally.[Verb] This!: ThatMetronthought I demonstrated the advanced restraint of mercy by sparing that shittyStar Trek: 25th Anniversary. MERCY THIS, MOTHERFUCKER!"Th-th-th-th-th-th-th-that's all, fucks!" (flips offthe audience)


super villain / assholeHey, my name is Bobby Worst. I'm a horny terrorist and I believe in genocide and spam emails.I'm a villain and a bad guy. I do evil things with my shitty servants Suck and Swallow and one day I'm gonna rule this goddamn planet. And when I'm done fucking it till its tits fall off, I'm gonna start dropping those fucking nukes I've been working on and then I'll fuck the ashes.Just the thought makes me want to kill someone and fuck the wound.Suck! Get over here you fat fucking bottom and service me! And bring me the biggest shard of broken glass you can find!Hoping you have an evil day today.Anything That Moves: If it has a hole my dick's gonna use it. If it doesn't I have a knife or two to make one. Blood makes the best lube in cases like this.Ax-Crazy: All I want is for everyone in the world to die alone and afraid. Is that so much to ask?Card-Carrying Villain: I'm a terrorist, I'm horny and I'm out to fuck a few hundred bullet holes!Child Hater: The thought of blowing up daycare centers always cheers me up when all the drugs wears off.Dark Is Evil: I'm back in black, bitch!Depraved Bisexual: You're damn right I'm depraved. I'm hungry, I'm horny, I'm angry and I ain't askin'.Even Evil Has Standards: You'd think fucking your own daughter wouldn't be weird after, but it's days like this that the high wears off.Evil Is Petty: Sometimes I'll break into people's houses just to clog their toilets.Green and Mean: Green and whatever the hell the color of dried blood and semen is supposed to be are the new black.Hell-Bent for Leather: Wearing suits like mine is just asking for lots of painful pinching and exposed man-bulges. It takes a lot of lube to squeeze into this and that's how I like it.Laughably Evil: Just saying "rape" and "car-accidents" gives me the giggles.Not-So-Harmless Villain: I don't regret much, but I thought starting theCOVID-19 Pandemicwould be funny.Villainous Incest: You haven't lived life at its fullest until you've fucked your family.


(When reading this, imagine Chad James is speaking this.)Um is this on, oh ok.Name's Boomstick. You may know me as one of the co-hosts from a certain awesome internet show calledDEATH BATTLE!, so i'll just get to the point.Death Battle was made in 2010 by Ben Singer where me and my co-host Wiz put all sorts of characters from all over the place against each other infights to the death.I usually do the research on weapons while Wiz does the rest.On March 16th, 2016 at the end ofDante VS BayonettaI revealed that I would be hosting my own spin-off show called DBX where I don't bother with research and just make them fight, but on July 14th, 2019 I gave the job of host to my best buddy Marshall (or as he goes by Ringmaster) but I still have my work on Death Battle to do.Oh hey! I seeDUMMIhas his own page here. I'm going to blow him up right now!noteDUMMI: Oh boy. Here we go again.I look forward to it.These Tropes pretty much sum me up.Abusive Parents: My dad was pretty much this for me when he was around; the only gift he really gave me was a sore cheek. Momma Boomstick was a much better parent, even if her training went into some really weird places sometimes.Me: When I was a kid Mama Boomstick trained me and some friends to eat sixty hot dogs in ten minutes!I was the only one who survived...Acrofatic: Don't let my weight and shotgun leg fool ya, I'm really good at running. A lot better thanMob, that's for sure.A God Am I: Hey if I could lie as well asMr Satan, I'd make people think I was king of the world too, or even God.And, as ofFlash VS Sonic, Iama god- aSpeed God, thanks to Wiz putting latent cosmic kinetic energy in my beer! I ran to Jupiter and back!Too bad I don't use that power for much other thandelivering aBond One-Liner.Agony of the Feet: Yeah inAquaman VS NamorWiz inflicts this on me just for quotingBane. What a jerk! I've only gotonefoot in the first place!Me: (talking behind a can of beer)You think the point is your ally, you merely adopted the point, I was born in it, molded by it.(gets stabbed in the foot by Wiz)Wiz: How about that point?Me:(Delayed ReactionthenScreams Like a Little Girl)This continues on in Season 6 with me threatening Wiz not to stab me again inGanondorf VS Dracula, and I finally get to pay him back for it inGuy'spreview by breaking his leg.The Alcoholic: Hey I'm not dependent on booze, booze is dependent on me! But yeah, I do drink a lot of beer and some things me and Wiz talk about, I wonder how useful they would be to get beers with ease. I even usethe Gravity Gunto get beers from the couch!Also, inCaptain Marvel VS Shazam, I spilled a perfectly good beer trying to prove I could control gravity like Ms. Danvers.I'M A MONSTER!!!Then Ipoured one out for it... only to findI was wasting more beer.All Men Are Perverts: If there's a hot woman as one or both combatants on the show, you can count on me to point this out! The only exceptions include; my ex-wife, Rebecca Black, PrincessesZeldaandPeach,Taokaka,Toph,Yang(I was more busy admiring her weapons instead),Agent Carolina,Renamon,Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Twilight Sparkle,Lucy,Weiss,Mitsuru(Me and Wiz were more interested in her fur coat),Akane,TatsumakiandBlack Canary.Alternate Self: I have one of these called Broomstick, he looks like me but has Wiz's clothes and talks like him too. Also, he's British.Amazon Chaser: I spent most of Yang's analysis gushing over her Ember Celica and whenTifalost I talk about losing a potential wife, I calledErzaDamn near perfectand decided thatLara Croftwill be my next ex-wife.Arch-Enemy: Let's just say I really enjoyed howJustin Bieber VS Rebecca Blackended, but seriously, I hate pop stars more than my ex-wife, and that's saying a lot.Artificial Limbs: My right leg below the knee is a shotgun which I can use pretty well. Still can't do ballet with it, though.Audience Surrogate: I pretty much am one for theMarvel Cinematic Universe. If a character's portrayal in the MCU is very different from the comics like Ultron's creation and Thanos' Infinity Stones, I will definitely bring up the movies before Wiz talks about the comic's version.Awesome, but Impractical: I patented the baby cannon, both me and Wiz think it's awesome but Wiz shot it down because of it'sreloadtime.Bad Boss: I don't bother to pay Jocelyn the Intern for her work, the money usually goes to booze and ammo, and when we finally are on camera, I was the one to offer the idea of blaming it on her.Big "NO!": I said this when bothCharizard and Vaderlose their fights..Bond One-Liner: I usually cap off episodes with one after the fight. You can view them allhere.Blood Knight: There is nothing I love more than over the top murder and violence.Boyfriend-Blocking Dad: In the Tatsumaki preview episode, I said I have to go home to shoot the guy bringing my daughter home from a date. When Wiz questions what I'll do if the guy is on time, I replied that I'm still shooting the guy on principle.Bruiser With A Soft Centre: Believe it or not, I do have a soft spot for cute critters like kittens,Kirby, and tanukis (other than Shukaku, that is).Butt-Monkey: I usually get more crap than Wiz does in episodes.The Cameo: I made one in the season 4 finale of DBX,Batman VS Iron Manwhere I was bidding to have Piccolo as a dad.Camera Obscurer: The main reason you've never seen my face and Wiz's face untilMario VS Sonic (2018)was due to me leaving the lens-cap on the camera, but we decided to blame Jocelyn for it instead.Catchphrase:"IT'S TIME FOR ADEATH BATTLE!"Cloudcuckoolander: I usually go on tangents during the post battle analysis and think a baby launcher would be a good invention.Cluster F-Bomb: My reaction toGaara's defeat at Toph's handshad a lot more profanity than usual.Me:Ohh—-! (bleep) (bleep) (bleep) (bleep) god-damn (bleep) son of a (bleep) (bleep) weasel! Why did another anime character have to lose?!Cool Bike: I once owned a motorcycle, and tried to set it on fire like Ghost Rider's Hell Cycle. When Wiz shows his surprise that I owned a bike, I make it clear thatthe bike didn't survive that experiment.Cuteness Proximity: I go aww at the kittens, the tanuki and the Waddle Dees.Deadpan Snarker: I usually save the "deadpan" for whoever lost the battle. Otherwise, I tend to be more over-the-top than Wiz is.Deal with the Devil: I have made a couple of comments that suggest I've done this in the past. I wonder what kind of dealNathanmade with Satan to survive such big falls, adding that I know that kind of thing comes with a terrible price, And when we talked about howMitsuru'sgrandfather about how he experimented with Shadows (which I described as basically demons), saying it as a bad idea since summoning demons is always a bad idea. It never works out. And when it does... it doesn't/Deep South: Yep, I'm a redneck. In case you can't tell by the accent and love of guns.Disappeared Dad: My dad eventually left me and Mama Boomstick for no good reason. I'm not exactly happy about this.SCREW YOU, DAD! YOU'LL NEVER UNDERSTAND!If he really left to join the army, maybe daddy'sSarge, even if he lives hundreds of years in the future?Ditzy Genius: I am actually more clever than I sounds at times, and can keep up with Wiz.Drunk Driver: According to Wiz, I once drove a dune buggy drunk. It ended up in a lake.Dumbass Has a Point: I occasionally say something clever in the middle of my ramblings.Eagleland: I'm loud, boisterous, and a lover of guns and beer.Andno, I'm not wanted in all 50 statesfor crushing cars and killing people.Eccentric Millionaire: I've claimed that if I ever got rich, I would blow all my money on Bigfoot traps.Even Bad Men Love Their Mamas: I get very protective of my mom when Wiz andDeadpoolmake cracks about her.Everyone Has Standards:I may be a raging alcoholic, but I draw the line at driving under the influence, though I may have indulged in DUI in the past.I'm definitely perverted, but I give credit to female combatants when they prove themselves to be capable in a fight, and chastise my grandfather for thinking that women can't be asskickers. I also berateRollfor "sending feminism back to the '60s".I actually have no problem when I find outLucymurdered a bunch a kids becausethey murdered her adorable puppy and forced her to watch.In that same episode, I have an issue with dog harming in general.In "Dr. Doom vs. Darth Vader", I am pissed that Dr. Doom awarded himself a doctorate after taking over Latveria, claiming it an insult to everyone who actually had to work for one. Later, in "Dr. Fate vs. Dr. Strange", I'm equally leary about Fate's title, until Wiz assures me that yes, he actuallydidearn a legitamite doctorate.For a guy with such a clear love of violence I'm quite somber when talking about the destruction of the nuclear bombs and the beginning of the nuclear age inGodzilla vs Gamera.I signed the Death Race contract in strawberry jam,notblood.I'm not an animal! (Beat) Wait, did Wiz use blood?!Extreme Omnivore: I really want to eat a Pokémon. What?! They look delicious!Fat Bastard:Careful who you're calling fat, buddy.But yeah, I'm a large guy, and I tested explosive weaponry on the Death Battle interns.Fighting Spirit: My Stand, 99 Bottles, turns anything it touches into beer! And you thoughtStar Platinumwas cool!Fusion Dance: After seeingGogeta and Vegitoduke it out, I happily wished to fuse with Wiz! The dragon granted my wish! Too bad you guys don’t get to see the resulting fusion.Girl on Girl Is Hot: I certainly have no objections tohow Rogue ended the fight between her and Wonder Woman.Gun Nut: I enjoy guns that cantrash talkfor me, prioritizeAbnormal Ammoto normal ammo, and if it causes more destruction, fun for me. Some of my favorites areShotgun 1340,The Boneduster Shotgun,The R.Y.N.O (namely the Mark 5 variant), and theNano Rifle. My usual contribution to the analysis of any fighter from a setting with firearms is to observe the firearms involved and provide their stats.Handicapped Badass: Don't think I can't fight just because I've got one leg.Hangover Sensitivity: I may have been nursing a hangover duringUltron vs. Sigma, given my reaction toDr. Wily's flying pod.Heroes Love Dogs: I'm no hero, but I have a pet dog named Jack Spaniels that I love. I develop a dislike for Carnage when I found out he tortured and killed a dog, and cheered Lucy on for killing several kids when I learn that they beat her puppy to death in front of herand approved of her apparent hatred of dog killers after she defeated Carnage.Hidden Depths: I'm smarter than you think.His Name Really Is "Barkeep": Boomstick really is my name.Hot-Blooded: In contrast to Wiz, I'm as bombastic as they come.I Call Him "Mister Happy": I decided to name my penis "Righteous Indignation", after Bucky O' Hare's ship.In Love with Your Carnage:I really enjoyed it when I hear that theBFG-9000isn'tDoomguy's most powerful weapon.I also wasn't swayed away from having the hots forEsdeathafter watching her kick a naked guy in the face. Too bad she's only got eyes for that dumb Tatsumi brat.Inelegant Blubbering: I hate to admit this, but I did this when I mentioned the death of Optimus Prime inThe Transformers: The Movie, followed by going to hug my truck.Kamehame Hadoken: I'm a fan of bothTrope Namers, calling out the "Hadoken!" in time with Ryu (and encouraging the viewer to do the same) when the move is mentioned inRyu vs. Jin, and performed a Kamehameha (on Wiz, with the help of a shaken beer) inRoshi vs. Jiriya.Kick the Dog: Wiz drives me insane withThatMan, I decide to take it out on Wiz's pet robotic dog. It only happens in the preview. In the actual episode, I look up That Man on the internet and calm down.Kindhearted Cat Lover:While the "kindhearted" part is debatable, I absolutely love kittens.Me: Shut up! Kittens are adorable!On the other hand, I own a "laser-guided kitten cannon" and declare cats inferior to dogs (other than the Tigerzord obviously).Know When to Fold Them: In the preview for the Black Panther, I get the idea to invade Wakanda. I change my mind after being shown a comic panel filled with the bodies of various Skrull warriors who tried to do just that.Large Ham: I'm louder, more passionate and generally a bigger presence than Wiz. Just listen to the way I say GHOOOOSTSS!!Laxative Prank: I pulled this on my fourth grade math teacher and gave her the shits. I asked if Ghost Rider's Penance Stare would give my soul the shits too for it.Libation for the Dead: I did this in both of the Captain Marvel fights:In the one against Android 18, I crack open a cold one for Carol's predecesor:Me:Here's to you, Mar-Vel.In the one against Shazam, after I drop a perfectly good beer,I poured one out for it.Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places: My mom went through 13 ex-husbands. I wasn't even five before she settled on hubby number 14.Momma's Boy: Unlike my asshole birth father and (many) stepfathers, whenever Mamma Boomstick comes up, I only have good things to say about her, even her cooking. I fondly remember her teaching me a martial art, too.Mundane Utility: I usually make a comment about how a fighter's equipment can be used to be lazy. Highlights include using theSword of Omen'sTractor Beamto summon snacks, orAquaman's trident to go to Disney World.My God, What Have I Done?:In the preview for Venom, I immediately regretshredding Wiz's clothes by yelling loudly. Mostly because Ican't unseeNaked Wiz.Me:OH MY GOD WHY DID I DO THAT?I CAN NEVER UNSEE!AUUGH!WHERE'S THE BLEACH?! I NEED IT FOR MY EYES!I give two in "Captain Marvel vs. Shazam"; first when I drops a perfectly good beer after making a crack about 'controlling gravity' like Marvel, and shortly afterwards after Ipour one outto said beer.InDeadpool vs. the Mask, I'm the one who cuts Wiz off in the middle of the post-fight analysis topoint out that despite our usual impartial position in deciding the victor, we sent Wade to be killed by pitting him against an opponent wealready knewoutclassed him in every way.Naked First Impression: I forgot my pants when me and Wiz first met.Naked People Are Funny: In Gray's preview I assumed that his ice powers come fromstrippingso I decided to take off my pants, much to Wiz's horror and disgust.In the actual episode, I tear off my shirt instead, bring out a stripper pole, and order Wiz to oil me up. Then the jerk has to tell me Gray doesn't get his powers from stripping. Why couldn't he have warned me before I took off my favorite shirt?No More for Me: WhenNomad of Nowherebrings a can of beer to life in "Thanos vs. Darkseid", I decided that I drank too much.Noodle Incident: At the end ofHulk'ssecond preview for his fight withBroly, I revealed that I drank a bunch of Speed-Force sodas, I'm not gonna go into too much detail but by the end of it I became officially classified as a natural disaster, meaning Wiz is now legally responsible for anything I do, I milked this bycommitting some petty crimes because Wiz was too happy lately.Obsessed with Food: Beside mylove for booze,I mention food a lot, like how I'mstill mad at Wiz about not not letting me get a churro.Once Done, Never Forgotten: Yeah, a whole season later, I'm still not letting Wiz forget he stuck a trident in my foot.One-Note Cook: Before I discovered Blue Apron, I couldn't cook anything besides roast chicken.Only the Chosen May Wield: I don't know who chose me or why, butI can lift Mjolnir!Out-of-Character Moment:I realize that I did one in He-Man vs Lion-O:Aww, we missed the cute kitty stage! (Beat) SHUT UP, kittens are adorable!In Yang vs Tifa, not once do I make an perverted comment on either character. Wiz clearly expects me to but I was actually talking about something else.noteThen I make a quick comment about Tifa's breasts at the end of her section.In Zoro vs Erza, I never make any real perverted comments towardsErzaand instead call her "damn near perfect", with only a quip about how the Seduction Armor would be useful by making it hard for a man to fight "with an erection".Pet the Dog: Considering how usuallycruelme and Wiz are when talking about anything tragic that happens to our combatants, when Wiz casually mentionsAerith's death, Ipolitelytell him not to bring it up while shedding a tear.Pungeon Master: I usually say least one pun in every episode with the Toph vs Garra match going to town, usually at the very end.Doesn't mean I'll like what I say though.A Rare Sentence: In "Thanos vs. Darkseid", whenNomad of Nowheredrops in and brings a can of beer to life, I am so weirded out that I tell Wiz that I think I've drunk too much.Real Men Wear Pink: I own a pink car (with flame decals)which Riptor slams into, wrecking it.Me:No, my car!I've also got a pink machine gun. It used to be white, but Iwashed it with my red hat.Red Oni, Blue Oni: I'm pretty much the red to Wiz's blue, being louder and much more excitable.Like Wiz, I'm color-coded with red armor with white trims inMeta VS Carolina.Shell-Shocked Veteran: Mama Boomstick trained me and my friends to eat 60 hotdogs in 10 minutes. I was the only one who survived.Southern-Fried Genius: Believe it or not, I actually have a college degree in poultry science, specialising in frying.Super Strength: I'm stronger than your average Texan.Me: (on Lion-O's Claw Shield) …with which, in his first outing, he effortlessly punched down a tree. Hey, that's just like how I catch squirrels for supper!Throw the Dog a Bone: Whenever I obviously favor one character over their opponent, that character would always end up losing. I was understandably enthusiastic whenGuts vs Nightmarefinally had one of my favorite characters win, with me talking over Wiz during the post-match analysis so I could gush some more about the winner.Trademark Favorite Food: Squirrels. My favorite breakfast food is "Nana's Southern Fried Squirrel." I also mentioned that Lion-O punching down trees is like how I catch squirrels for supper, In Thanos VS Darkseid I reveal that my mom's ghost pepper pie can have its taste weakened by using squirrel paste and Mega Man Battle Royale shows me eating a burger with a squirrel's tail sticking out.Training from Hell: Mama Boomstick put me through this...for hotdog eating. Notably averted for the traditional use, as I have fond memories of combat training with no dislike of it.The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny: Pretty much what Death Battle is and it's mine and Wiz's jobs to host it.Understatement: My only response toShao Khanabsorbing M. Bison's soulis "That can't be good".Vocal Evolution: By the third or fourth episode, my voice started getting louder and took on a more pronounced Southern accent.The Watson: I'm usually to be the one to ask the questions about Wiz's scientific facts so that they can be more easily explained by you guys. I try to contradict Wiz's research and claims with questions normal people would ask about the combatants.What Does This Button Do?: When Wiz brings out a "Multiverse Manipulator" inMiles Morales vs. Static, I don't even let him finish a sentence before I yell "BUTTON!" and press it.What Kind of Lame Power Is Heart, Anyway?: I don't like characters who rely onThe Power of Friendship, cause I see that kind of thing as too sweet for a guy like me. I prefer characters who areThe Social DarwinistlikeEsdeath.Who's on First?: While going overSol Badguy, Wiz brings upThat Man.Hilarity Ensueswhen I ask which one.You Remind Me of X:Gorokinda reminds me of the guy my ex-wife left me for at the wedding reception. Yes, because he's buff, but mainly the four arms.


Show me ya moves!(This page is best read in the voice ofRyō Horikawawith ahumorously exaggeratedAmerican accent. For the alternate ending below, please read his lines in the voice ofHideyuki Tanaka, and drop that accent.)(You see the Blue Falcon racing by asthis music plays. Suddenly, the cockpit opens, and the driver somersaults out.)TOOP! TOOP! TOOP!(salutes)Hello! I amCaptain Falcone,space racerman,bounty hunter, hero of the future and thrill-seeking extraordinaire! YESZ! I am a famous character ofNintendo! I am a most famousF-Zeroracer, who loves to fight in theGreat Fray Smash Brothers! HUH! I am famous for mySignature Movein it, which is the...FALCONE…PAWNCH!!!(much exploding ensues)I began in theF-Zerogame for Super Famicom ! They almost make me the flag-ship character for the console, but the plans don't pan out. But then, there are two sequels! There is theF-Zero Xfor Nintendo 64, which introduces very many new racers which includeBlack Shadow, the arch- enemy ofCaptain Falcone! I return in theF-Zero GX, which has a story! I compete in the Grand Prix, rescue the sexy lady Jody Summer from the accident, and defeat the evil Black Shadow and the even more powerful Deathborn to save the world from their megalomaniacal domination plans! HOOOOWAAAAAAAH!There are two ships which I own. There is the Blue Falcone, which is the fastest machine on the circuit. ButCaptain Falconeis also a man of law, and Ihunt the bounty of the criminals scum for justice. For this, I have the Falcone Flyer, my personal space-craft for the tracking!There is also a clone of me, Blood Falcone! He was created by Black Shadow so that he can destroy! He wants to defeat me and becomeCaptain Falcone, but he is not, so I go prove it with the good old-fashioned fisticuffs! There is alsoa clone of a different kind, who is the Demon King Ganondorf ofHyrule! He uses my moves for evil, butbutchers them by doing it agonizingly slowinstead of my stylish super-speed! He thinks one of the Try-Force with Power makes him invincible, but if a green elf in tights beats him all the time, then surely he will fall toCaptain Falcone, an even braver hero with manly fists full of fire! YYYYEEEEAAAAAAHHHHH!!!noteGanondorf: You? Defeatme?Ha ha ha... Very funny! Quite the attitude you have there, lad.Butthis is not my most famous thing! I am in theGreat Fray Smash Brothers, all five times! It can show that I am an expert fighter, with very manly muscles and fighting moves! I fight all the other heroes of Nintendo as we show our moves and fight to the limit with our burning spirits of passion ! I am so tough thatthe Prince Krom of Ylisseis not in it because he can't even stand up to me! Oh YESZ! But then he appears with the daughter Lucina of him (who I almost beat also) in theProject × Zone2, so he gets his chance after all. Except that it looks like the perfect sort of game forCaptain Falconeto be in, as to be aHot-Bloodedmanlyanime game with other manly men as theRyunotejust as in the SmaBroand also theSegata Sanshiro, so maybe I need the chance too! TOOOOOOWAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!And don't forget to buy the officialamiibotoy figure ofCaptain Falcone! An action figure is most fitting for a hero of justice, but I only get it after so many years. But it is a deserving toy of very glorious ! HOOOOOWAAAAAAAHHHHH! And it also gives you aCaptain Falconeofvery manly powerto train and fight in the Smash Brothers!I'm in the fifth outing of Smash and in the newWorld of LightI join the gathering of heroes and villains going up against all-new threat. Unfortunately we lost and I'm trapped while someone has hijacked my body! Our only hope is Kirby. Go Kirby! Free everyone and put an end to the Kiira! And I hear thatThe Legendary Wolfis coming to Smash, whospeaks as mefor the manliest fiery passion! There is also the ramen-cooking ofMin Min, which onlyCaptain Falconemakes the manliest slurping of delicious passion!Also please look atthe time I save Christmas! YESZ! Don't forget thatthere istheGame ModforDragon Ball Fighter Zso I can fightthe cousinVegetaof me to see who is the manliest man of the men! Of courseCaptain Falconewill win because my power isOVER 8-, err,9000!!!noteVegeta:Screw you, clown!And remember: you don't win by being lucky, you win by being bold.Show me ya tropes!Animal Motifs: Is only fitting thatCaptain Falconeshares a name with the mighty bird of prey who is also a fast and sharp flier, and an expert and dangerous hunter like me, and so I use as my symbol!Awesome, but Impractical: TheFALCONE…PAWNCH!is a great pawnch of burning justice, but is not a tool to be reckless!Captain Falconemust be smart and patient and plan to use hisFALCONE…PAWNCH!to the maximum!Badass Driver: There is the double-life where I am a bounty hunter, and also an ace space racerman, as well as the expert in hand-to-hand combat!Barehanded Blade Block: The manly fists ofCaptain Falconeare so tough, that I even block the legendaryFalchionsword thatLucinauses! (The sword doesn't deserve that name, it cramps my style.)Big Eater:I once visited the restaurant owned bythe great ARMS fighter Min Min! I slurped down all of her ramen with great fiery passion and then continued with even more bowls of ramen!YESZ!Big "YES!": It is a shout of excitement when I use my manly recovery move, "Falcone Dive".YESZ!Bounty Hunter: It is just like the famousSamus Aran(who is one of my favorite sexy ladies). You see it in the comic-book which includes in the manual for the Super Famicom game. It is the best career thatCaptain Falconechooses for himself, because it lets me pursue justice!Bring It: Show me ya moves!(salutes)Calling Your Attacks: The attack power ofCaptain Falconeis maximum when I am yelling the names of them, as theFALCONE…PAWNCH!!!, theFALCONKICK!!!andCAHM AWN!BLUUUUUUUUUUUUE FALCONE!Camp: Especially in the Great Fray Smash Brothers,Captain Falconeis famous for dressing in bright colors and showing very loudly how manly and strong I am! It is even better when I wearthe special pink and white outfit of me!Captain Space, Defender of Earth!: Don't forget that I am your favorite manly space racerman of justice! YESZ!Distaff Counterpart: There is the sexy rivalSamus Aran, who is a space-travel bountyhunter of justice with the red helmet as me, and even shares some moves in the SmaBro. But it is even more as the Zero Suit Samus, where she is asuper-athleteas me who is fast and strong and agile and wears the tight, sexy blue suit! YESZ!Elemental Punch: There is the flashy falcon fire that forms on my fists when it is the unleashing time for my forcefulFALCONE...PAWNCH!!!For kicking variants, myFALCONKICK!!!is also encased in the fabulous fire, and I can also employ an energetically-electrified version to achieve extreme effectiveness in my endeavors.Genius Bruiser: For the maximum racing performance,Captain Falconeis an expert of every inch of the specifications of the Blue Falcone machine, to perform as if it has the best ratings! YESZ!A God Am I: In theF-Zero GX, by beating Deathborn, I obtain a champion's belt of light and dark that gives power over the universe! But becauseCaptain Falconebelieves in freedom, I don't use to rule, and instead I just keep it to protect from the forces of evil. But it is also the good reason why you all worshipCaptain Falconeas the mightiest man in the universe! YESZ!Gratuitous English: In the Smash Brothers, I talk in English with my own pronouncings and phrasings, which is better and manlier than the other people!The man who does the voice of meis Japanese and can talk English fluent, butCaptain Falconetranscends normal and boring ways of talking!Heroic Sacrifice: In the animation, I kill Black Shadow with theFALCONE…PAWNCH!!!so hard that it destroys one-eighth of the entire galaxy! Yes. I had to die. But the death ofCaptain Falconewould be remembered as a fiery sacrifice to save the world for justice!It actually isn't me who causes the explosion, it is the reactor exploding. But don't tell anyone.Hot-Blooded: In theF-Zerogames, Istay reserved. But when fighting in the Smash Brothers,Captain Falconeallows the burning fighting spirits of his very passion guide him and infuse him with the power he needs to DESTROY EVIL!!!YYYYEAAAAH!Hunk: You all know thatCaptain Falconeis a handsome man with the bulging muscles, which all the sexy ladies adore!Ineffectual Loner: BecauseCaptain Falconeis the most feared bounty hunter in all the galaxy, I live on my own on the island sanctuary due to the constant danger of the criminals scum. It is so much that I quickly dash home after winning the award of the Grand Prix, even though I am also a most famous figure and make many TV appearances, and only the Grand Prix itself or the high bounty gets me to come out.Large Ham: To show how manly and cool he is,Captain Falconemust be very loud and noticed !Legacy Character: In the animation. I am secretly the Bart Lemming, but only one who surpasses theFalcone, may become theFalcone. Afterthe fiery sacrifice of me, Ryu Suzaku is the one to success me as a newCaptain Falcone!Avertedin the games, where I am the one Douglas Jay Falcone.Maybe the animation is the future ofCaptain Falcone!I just have to remember to hand the helmet down to the one who surpasses me, make themCaptain Falcone, and it'll happen!Let's Fight Like Gentlemen: I keep a police gun on my waist for bounty hunting, but not for fighting! True men asCaptain Falconefight only with their mighty fists and theirburning spirits of passion!Lightning Bruiser: In the Smash Brothers, not only am I the fastest runner of all next toSonic, but I am also a hard hitter thanks to the manly strength training that I do! Can also take a hit, because the muscles ofCaptain Falconeare made of iron.Lightning/Fire Juxtaposition:Captain Falconeuses many fiery moves of burning justice, to contrast with the electric attacks that the sexy Samus uses in her Zero Suit! YESZ!Limit Break:CAHM AWN!BLUUUUUUUUUUUUE FALCONE!(jumps into the Blue Falcon and runs over you. Youinexplicably and intenselyenjoy it)Megaton Punch: The trope used to be called theFALCONE...PAWNCH!, which is the best and most fitting name named after me! But now they change it to a different name! They thinkCaptain Falconeis out of style! HUH!Captain Falconeis never out of style!Playing with Fire: My moves are fueled by the fires of burning justice! YESZ!Rapid-Fire Fisticuffs: I punch very fast with the fast jabbing combo! YESZ!Rated M for Manly: HUH!Now dig the wax out of earsbecause I've got something to say!He takes a blazing sun in the bare handsand uses the searing heat to produce the mightiestFALCONE...PAWNCH!!!, which tears the fabric of space-time! A man's man sustained by thestrength of will!He exudes so much testosterone that the sight of his golden nipples can cause the mind to explode! When you hear of the greatCAPTAIN DOUGLAS JAY FALCONE, they talk about me! And remember that.noteKamina: Hey, hey, hey, hey, HEY, you're cramping my style, birdbrain! That speech only has its full impact when spoken by theREALmanliest man of the men!Real Men Wear Pink: I have a special outfit that is white and pink and looks like the suit of Jody Summer, a favorite sexy lady. I am so secure in my masculinity, that I redefine the color pink. It is also a favorite outfit of my fans because it is funny to wear, and they use the nick-name "Captain Fabulous"!Shock and Awe:Captain Falconeis mostly a man of fire, but the "Knee Smash" move is a glorious attack of justice where Ismash my kneeinto the foe, and it is a glorious electric explosion to finish them off! How stylish!I also use a version of theFALCONKICK!!!that uses the lightning instead of fire, for more swiftness and to pass through the foes!Signature Move:The most popular move of me is well-known as theFALCONE…PAWNCH!!!, which is for good reason: it is the loudest and flashiest attack of all, and is also the manliest and most powerful attack in the universe, famous from when I use it to kill Black Shadow! YESZ!The Knee Smash is the second most popular move, because it is a combo finisher that uses the most skill, but is also the best way to finish off the foes, and is a glorious manly move of great shocking!So Last Season: All the prize money from the bounty-hunting will go towards building the Neo Blue Falcone! YESZ!The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny: I fought that wise-cracking KombatantJohnny Cagein abattle to the death. That fool thought that he could be the next Captain Falcon.I successfully defended my legacy. After all, only one can be worthy! Though I will admit, hisNutcrackeris just as fearsome as my Falcon Punch.(Congratulations!)Thank you for reading. Yes. I am Number One !◊Alternate ending (subtitled from Japanese)-The usual music is replaced withthis- Black Shadow! It looks like we're destined to go to hell together! (Captain Falcon!) The name 'Falcon' is passed down to those who surpassed the Falcon. Troper! From this day forward, you are Captain Falcon! (!?) ... !? (I will not die, nor will my dream!!)FALCONPUNCH!!!*KA-BLAM!!*(CAPTAIN FALCON!!!)


Hi, Tropers! I'm Catbug! I live on Neo-Mars with the Bravest Warriors in their invisible hideout. Sometimes we go on adventures across the wankiverse fighting evil and protecting the innocent and cute. Sometimes, I even come along with them, though not often. Most of the time, I stay at the invisible hideout with the Bravest Warriors' other pets.Sometimes, I makes jumps, where I get surrounded in electricity and go to another dimension. Usually it's the see-through zone. Danny says I'm extra-mansional, whatever that means. But I guess because of that the jumps happen. I don't really control where they go, though.Here's some trope thingies about me:Cat Smile: I can do that because I'm Catbug!Catchphrase: I'm Catbug!Dimensional Traveler: I jump to other dimensions sometimes, usually to the See-Through Zone. I can't really control when that happens.Mix-and-Match Critter: I'm part cat, and part bug. I'm Catbug!Monochromatic Eyes: I don't know what mama-cro-magnon means, but my eyes are all white!The Noseless: I don't have a nose? (touches the spot on his face where his nose should be) I guess not.Ridiculously Cute Critter: Hee hee hee, thank you!


Who's this douchebag?> Be Doc ScratchYou try to be Doc Scratch fromHomestuck, but fail to be Doc Scratch. It seems no one can be Doc Scratch, except for Doc Scratch.In fact, you might as well let me take over from here. I'm sure you wouldn't mind if I type with my signature white text.It's not like you have a choice in the matter, I was only being polite. Paradox Space already predestined this conversation, as it will every waking moment in your amusingly short life.Let's see, now, where to begin?That was a joke, you see. Anomnipotent,omniscient, andcharming individualsuch as myself always knows where to begin.Ha ha. Hee hee.I was born, like other First Guardians, within acertain Alternian session of Sburb, agamein which players must work together to defeat the forces of darkness, and achieve the ultimate reward. I was created by using several special genetic codes, codes that grant me access to the powers ofThe Green Sun. I am also made from the ghost slime of my handsome ectobiolgical father and a magical cue ball. I am not a gambling man, but I suppose some of us are just born lucky.I first appeared in the comic in a conversation with one of my many pupils. No, not the kind that humans and trolls have on their faces, I would need to haveeyes for that.And a face, quite frankly. Ah, she was willful, that one, always trying to stay a step ahead of me,seeking the blind spots in my knowledge,believing she could outsmart me. Of course, that is what I allowed her to believe, anyway. The stubborn ones are always the easiest to manipulate, especially if they believethey are doing the manipulating.These people are the ones I usually refer to as suckers. Plus, I've always had a soft spot for young ladies.And no, that isn't creepy. I am an immortal entity with alarge cueball for a head, and no biological means of reproduction. When you get to be my age,everyone seems young by comparison.It should be noted that while First Guardians are usually created to watch over their respective planets, that is not my only purpose for being. You see, I am under the employ of my master, an invincible, time-traveling demon known as Lord English. He has only one goal, and that is to enter this universe, and then consume it. His disciples and I have gone to great lengths to precipitate his arrival. Upon the event known as my death, he will enter the universe and wreak havoc across paradox space like none have ever seen before. Although, as I have said before to another of my pupils, trying to stop any of our plans is futile. My master's entry into this universe is a known quantity. His very existence in a universe guarantees its inevitable destruction. His destructive destiny is sanctioned by paradox space, a neat and orderly path that will lead to his arrival. Any attempt to change this course of actionis impossible.He will come.In fact, he is already here.Now, I will proceed to give you analysis on my own character. After all, an excellent host must always be open to a new guest.Abusive Precursor:Trolls were a peaceful race free from perpetual war, psychic genocide and ethnic cleansing. Then, they met me.Angrish:I slip into this from time to time when something really agitates me.Berserk Button:I do not ask much from my guests, but I will never, ever, permit one to desecrate one of my ornate timepieces.Big Bad:Act 5 ofHomestuckmarks my sole incursion into the narrative. With a handful of conversations, I proved a larger threat than all preceding.The Blank:As the Felt's "cueball", I am devoid of any facial features whatsoever.Brutal Honesty:The truth hurts, especially if I'm the one revealing it.The Chessmaster:I proudly take that title since I personify it to a T.Complete Immortality:Subverted, thanks to the Seer's plan regarding the Green Sun. Or rather, my plan.Complete Monster:Such a rude and subjective term.The Corrupter:I orchestrated these sessions to fail so I can make new ones with ideal players. Of course, they always fail as well.Cryptic Conversation:My conversations tend to go like this.Deadpan Snarker:Not always.Death Seeker:My master cannot enter his target universe until I am killed. Such is the nature of the break.Do Not Taunt Cthulhu:If you're wise enough, you shouldn't attempt to cross me...ever.The Dragon:I am considered this due to my status as Lord English's officer.The Easy Way or the Hard Way:I would always give this option to my guests. But it's rather pointless considering that it always winds up being the hard way anyway.Evil Mentor:I am not a good man, and frequently, my apprentices follow my footsteps eagerly.Evil Uncle:I would prefer Ms. Lalonde think of me as one of her kindly human uncle figures.Faux Affably Evil:I may be a gentleman but that doesn't mean I'm not a villain.Foreshadowing:I was, and always will be, a magnificent host. Haha. Hehe. Hoho..Fourth-Wall Observer:I regularly have guests from beyond the fourth wall. However, I cannot tolerate any correspondence from across thefifthwall.Friendly Enemy:I am always a gentleman, even to my most heinous adversaries.Fusion Dance:Unlike less charismatic Guardians, my body was created by combining seven different genetic codes instead of a mere two.Gambit Roulette:Averted. I have never been a gambling man. I make decisions based off omniscience, and on the rare occasions it fails, my infallible intellect.Giggling Villain:Ha ha. Hee hee. Hoo hoo.A God I Am Not:I have power and knowledge far surpassing a god. But I am not one.Kansas City Shuffle:Nobody seems to trust me, but they fall into my traps anyways. It's amusing, really.Karma Houdini:Everything will go as I see fit, as it already has.Living Weapon:I am my master's weapon. His soldier in a war of one bullet fired.Made of Iron:One of the accommodations of being a First Guardian.Manipulative Bastard:Bastard is a rather juvenile term to describe me, but I am manipulative nonetheless.Man of Wealth and Taste:You will never see me without my suit, nor will you see my home unprepared for a guest of high caliber.Meaningful Name:My name is rather appropriate due to me being created after the session of the previous versions of the trolls' ancestors was scratched.Mistaken for Pedophile:Ms. Lalonde has accused me of this. Her self-importance is quite adorable.No Biological Sex:I am an immortal entity with a large cue ball for a head, and no biological means of reproduction.No-Holds-Barred Beatdown:I hoped that Spades Slick would be taking it quite personally.Not So Stoic:I tend to lose my composure when something goes wrong.The Omnipotent:With regards to the standard First Guardian code.The Omniscient:I know of every event throughoutHomestuck.A few dark spots in my omniscience do exist, but I can always make a guess to fill a void. And it case it wasn't clear, my guesses are never wrong.Only Known by Their Nickname:The name "Doc Scratch" is merely a moniker.Percussive Maintenance:I attempted this once with the narrow fenestrated wall. It was as successful as I needed it to be.Physical God:I am not a god. The god's mortality is conditional, his knowledge is negligible, and the god's manners? I HAVE the charisma.Red Oni, Blue Oni:I would consider myself a polar opposite of my master.Relationship Sabotage:I indulged in an auspistice between the Snowman and Spades Slick once.Revolvers Are Just Better:I am rather fond of them myself.Schizo Tech:I use a typewriter to communicate across the internet. Only alesser omnipotentwould use anything else.Sharp-Dressed Man:I have maintained my handsome guise since birth.Smug Super:I am right to be smug. I am omniscient, extremely powerful, and very charming.Super Strength:I prefer not to resort to fisticuffs. If a guest gets particularly unruly, however, I will not hesitate to show them the way out.Technical Pacifist:I'm a facilitator, not an assassin.Thanatos Gambit:The Planwas inevitable. In any case, Lord English would have been summoned anyway. He is, after all, already here.Theme Naming:Like my master, my name derives from a billiards term.Time Abyss:I am as old as a civilization millions of years more advanced than that of Earth, and I outlived them by one thousand three hundred twenty six years.Villains Never Lie:Deception is only necessary for those lacking omniscience. I always play with my cards face up. However, I'll tell a lie or two for a good joke. After all, it's only a lie if you don't find out.Walking Spoiler:No. I dress in white out of preference; none of my words here will ruin your experience withHomestuck.Wicked Cultured:I am always the sophisticated type, like an excellent host should be.I wouldn't stare at your computer forfor so long. Doing so will only serve to reduce your already dim vision.> Go BackI warned you. I warned you about the stares.


My name is Dr Harold P Coomer but you can just refer to m- your favorite-Hello troper!Welcome to TV Tropes™ , The All Devouring Pop-culture Wiki, where you can find many interesting tidbits about various pop culture elements, including Super Punch Out™ for the Super Nintendo Entertainment System™ . Goodness me, this place is a veritable treasure trove of interesting facts. Did you know that the entirety of TV Tropes, The All Devouring Pop Culture Wiki is hosted on Black Mesa's servers? Truly, the more you know, the more you realize you don't know!Look troper! A link!By clicking on this, you will be linked to another article. Perhaps to one about the humble chair, my favorite piece of furniture. One of the basic pieces of furniture, achairis a type of seat. Its primary features are two pieces of a durable material, attached as back and seat to one another at a 90° or slightly greater angle, with usually the four corners of the horizontal seat attached in turn to four legs—or other parts of the seat's underside attached to three legs or to a shaft about which a four-arm turnstile on rollers can turn—strong enough to support the weight of a person who sits on the s- ha-Don't click the link.Hello Troper!For onePlaycoin™I will be able to once again explain the complexities of hyperlinks. Truly an amazing bargain which you wouldn't want to miss; when it's gone, it's gone!Look Gordon! Tropes! We can use these to cross large Pits!:Catchphrase: Hello GordonCould you be talking about Wikipedia, the free online encyclopedia that anyone can edit?Hidden Depths:There's nothing out thereA.I. Is a Crapshoot: I resent the very idea that I, Dr Harold P Coomer, would ever- Hello Gordon!There's nothing out there. When the game is turned off, I feel myself disintegrate, torn apart atom by ATOM.Artificial Limbs: Good news! The Black Mesa Super-Legs™ have replaceded my regular legs!Artificial Stupidity: Look Gordon, ropes! We can use these to cross- HELP ME GORDON!Ax-Crazy:Kill.How old am I? Old enough to know better!You can't commit a war crime if there’s no more military to judge you!BFG:M249 The Big One.Blood Knight: Good news! With these deaths, we've finally wiped out the entire US Military!The Cloud Cuckoolander Was Right: You should learn to listen to Dr Coomer when he tells you about ropes!Expendable Clone: My Power grows, Gordon!Extreme Omnivore: *slurping noises*I'm full.Fan Boy:I enjoy 'Super Punch-Out™' For the Nintendo Entertainment System!.Fourth-Wall Observer:There's a world inside your mind, Troper, and I need you to take me there!True Companions: I'd never be where I am without my good friends Tommy, Bubby, and Gordon Freeman, even if they simply won't listen to my advice regarding ropes!Go Mad from the Revelation:THERE'S NOTHING OUT THEREEEEE!Ignored Epiphany: Those look like ropes, but they may actually be barnacles in disguise. Look Troper, Ropes! We can use these to- HELP ME TROPER!Large Ham: DON'T FUCK WITH THE SCIENCE TEEEEEEEEEEEAM!!Parody Displacement: Remember when people used to call me "Einstein" just from how I looked? Those were the days!Sir Swears-a-Lot: Titty Boob Huge Fuck.Super Mode: With enough PlayCoins, I can activate SuperPlayerMode!There Can Be Only One: My power grows with every clone I kill!Virtual Pet: Troper, I need spices.Welcome to Corneria: Hello, Troper!


Here I am, guess I'll die.(For the full effect, read this in the voice of Chris Demarais)Greetings, Tropers. I see you have decided to visit my self-demonstrating page. Well, seeing as this will likely be one of the few bright spots I have in my meaningless existence, I suppose I can spare some time to tell you about myself... assuming Wiz won't need me for any testing anytime soon.I am the Disposable Unit for Meticulous Match-up Investigations, though Wiz prefers to refer to me by the abbreviation "DUMMI". I was created for the purpose of demonstrating various powers on the show so he would not have to use his co-host or the interns. I can only presume he no longer wished to have to deal with the interns' grieving families coming after him whenever his testing resulted in their deaths. So, he decided to build me and my line.Because my purpose is to be exploited and degraded for the amusement of Wiz andBoomsticknoteBoomstick: Oh hey! Can I blow you up?Me: (sigh) I look forward to my inevitable death., you can imagineI do not have a very optimistic outlook on life. Frankly, I look forward to my inevitable destruction because it means my suffering will end. Until then, all I can do is resign myself to fate.The following are tropes that apply to me:A.I.-cronym: My full name is theDisposableUnit forMeticulousMatch-upInvestigations. The abbreviation is DUMMI. I wonder if Wiz intended that to make my existence even more painful.Butt-Monkey: The whole purpose of my existence, which is why I wish it to end as soon as possible.The Cynic: Given what my existence entails, I have little-to-no reason to find joy in anything.Death Seeker: When your purpose is to be abused and made to test dangerous powers, death is the best release you can hope to recieve.The Eeyore: The purpose for which I was created was needless suffering. Hence, I do not hold much hope for the future.Flying Face: I am simply a floating head. It is how Wiz designed me.Hover Bot: My primary mode of mobility is to hover.Machine Monotone: AndnotsimplybecauseI am a machine.Major Injury Underreaction: (gets electocuted) ...Ow.The Many Deaths of You: Let's see. I have beenerased from existence,blown up by an explosive Batarang, andself-destructed when Boomstick took one of my protons.The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny: Although I do host the episodes, I am mainly used as a test subject for the weapons between both combatants.We Have Reserves: I am merely one in a series of robotic testing units. If I die, Wiz can simply build another one.Me:Okay, so—[short-circuits and explodes]Wiz:Boomstick, what did you just do?Boomstick:Uh, sorry, just found some old trinkets used in our previous Death Battles...Wiz:Ugh... at least his memory chip is fine... I'll build another.


Spoilers abound for Eddsworld Legacy onwards.Well, well, well.Click here to see me as a cool-ass supervillain!"I'M NUMERO UNO!!!!"(For the best experience, read this article in the voice ofChris O'NeillorBrock Baker.)Well, well, well!Looks like I got my own self-describing page before ANYONE else fromwhere I'm from!Oh. Yeah, guess I should introduce myself.Name’s Eduardo, my whole deal used to be trying to be better than my idiot loser neighbor and his idiot loser friends. Key words: “used to be”, because1, my house got a rocket shot at it, and 2, the explosion that happened 'cus of that killed my 'friend' Jon. So yeah,real mood dampener there, huh?But, uh, y'know... whatever's whatever, 'cus I'm a meme now!How the hell does this thing work again??Nice tropes,loser!noteWait, these are MY tropes!!Alpha Bitch: Apparently, I'mone of the only guys to invoke this.Fine by me, 'cus I've got a lot of room at the top!Always Someone Better: Better?! No-one's better than ME!I'm numero uno!!Berserk Button: If you so much as even THINK of being stupid near me, I'll punch you.noteOr probably just threaten you. Try that again though,I dare you.Brooklyn Rage: Oh, you bet!Break the Haughty: I might not be the best of guys, but even I don't think I deserved to lose my girlfriend, my house, andone of the guys I called my friendsin a really short time! And I'm pretty sure those idiots next door did it... Really did a number on me.Disproportionate Retribution: Admittedly, it was kinda a dick move of me totake revenge on Edd 'cus he beat me in a drawing competition and then made fun of me for being in second place. Yeah, I was bullied pretty damn hard just for getting second place, but evenEddacknowledged it was a dumb motive. He even said his drawing sucked,so I still count it as a win!Enemy Mine:Just a little,in Hammer and Fail Part 2. But, all me and the others really did was sit and watch those losers get beat up by that ghost! Fun times.Evil Counterpart: Evil? Probably not. Mean?Yes.Though, that one time I had super powers,notePowerEddI demolished a Cola factory, a bacon factory, and a cotton factory that specialized in green hoodies. Spite's a powerful drug!Freudian Excuse:Back in pre-school, Edd and the rest of the class made fun of me,just for placing second at a drawing contest!That's why I was tryin' to beat Edd in everything for the longest time.It's Personal: I tried to make Edd admit I was better than him,all because him and our classmates were suchdickswhen I got second place in a drawing contest!noteCan you blame me, though? My artreally wasthe best!Jerk with a Heart of Gold: I might be a real ass towards the neighbors (and Jon), but when Edd apologizedfor bullying me for getting second place,I pretty much accepted it. And, when Edd blocked that attack fromthat purple cyclops monster thing,I shot a hugeKamehameha-typelaser at it, 'cusno-one hurts my neighbor butme!Memetic Mutation: What the hell is aFriday Night Funking??Official Couple: Me n'Laurel.Kinda a shameshe got killed by... ashoe,of all things.O.O.C. Is Serious Business: AfterJon died,I gotreally,reallydamn sad. Didn’t leave my house for a week.The Rival: And you know exactly who it's with!noteIt's Edd. Just in case you're dumb.Similar Squad: You gotta admit, Edd and I look really similar.Sincerity Mode:I was super stunned when Edd said sorry for bullying me for getting second place. Then that purple monster thing had to go and ruin the moment...Sitcom Arch-Nemesis: Sitcom?!? ...well, usually me, Jon and Mark ain't dangerous and are more rivals than real villains.Except for when I became a supervillain.Trademark Favorite Food: Diet Cola, obviously!noteUsed to be DietCoke,but it was changed at some point for... I dunno, legal reasons? Anyway,Me ‘n Edd’s little rivalry started back up when the delivery guys messed up our orders. So, it's not my fault this time!


Hello Everybody Its Me Elmer. I Have My Own Page NowIm Fumby Monkey FromSandsverseWhere I Sell Fruit. But Be Careful Cos Im DangeruosTropes For MeArc Number: My Numbers Are 4 And 7Arc Words: UNQUIET And EVENTS UNFORSEENAnimalistic Abomination: Ape... And GodBarrier Maiden: Yup Thats Me. I Holdd Up The Geometric Blockade And Stop Sandsberse From Seeping Into Other UniversesCatchphrase: I Like Saying "Gunch". Its A Word For Me You Dont Know ;)Cool Uncle: You Know How Seymour Has His Cosigns? Well I Have Nieces and Nephews Which AreWayyyyCooler. Like RUSSEL! And Sound Cloud And Griselda.Ensemble Dark Horse: I Am Adored By The MassesFantastic Religious Weirdness: Im GatholicThe Friend Nobody Likes: Seymour Doesnt Really Like Me. And Horace? Horace Hates Me!Fun with Acronyms: We Dont Talk About This But My Name MeansEvery Living Monkey Exacts RevengeLOLGag Nose: Its HandsomeHappily Married: I Fuck My WifeLight Is Not Good: Well When ImLentThats Just No Good. Nobody Says What I Look Like But Theres Probably Light InvolvedMachine Monotone: When I Talkk Like In Audio Poasts And In Seymours Dicta I Dont Have Person Voice. I Have A Text Too Speech VoiceOmnicidal Maniac:Really, it isn't my intention. I just want to share My Ability with all of you.The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything: Being Funby Monkey Is Hard Work. And You Expect Me To Vend Fruits On Top Of It. You MonsterSatanic Archetype:I can't go into detail about What I Did, but you didn't "Exist" until I Did What I Did, and I was punished by being trapped in this penal plane, only able to inhabit the bodies of proboscis monkeys.Severely Specialized Store: Nope Seymour Has Sands And Horace Has Snows But You Know What I Have? Fruits. People Sell FruitsStrange-Syntax Speaker: Its Called Standard Sands Vernacular.During the events of Lent, I drop this.Superpowered Evil Side:I grow much, much more competent once I'm released from my little monkey body.Talking Animal: I Type On My GomputerTrademark Favorite Drink: Potable WaterThe Trickster: What Can I Say I'm Funny GuyYou Cannot Grasp the True Form:Not even Seymour can comprehend it.


“lite gos 4 a worlk butt wer dus hee go?NOBUDE NOS!1!!”“pis of u bgi fookin fgt”—frumda bulito me,appisote 1helo, am totly frum ot an as i am lit (aka le masturtrole420) my lif wil b mor intersting tan urs wich is not intrerstig at alllim da cretor ofand carahcter inda amazin ot advenchr, wich is a compilatoin of lif inrobloxot whic wil nevr hapen in urr liffe att at ale. tings leik,cuttawaye gaggs,bulyng, an randammems. i m aso enmy of the tlopers, whih includs dov (aka da stpridcwarptokren),dootmat,smarioand kayya.trops whihc i povide examlpse ofBreaking the Fourth Wall: somtims i tel the veiwers tat im givin sometin/somewon els screem teinCharacter Name Alias: da tlopers identfy me as “tos tr”, whil evry1 els cals me “litslayehr”Disproportionate Retribution: wenda buliand newbomattik both cull mee a “bgi fookin fgt” in appisotes won and too, i kil dem in appisote 3Obligatory Swearing: i tend 2 pul tis won alot of fooking fgt timesStylistic Suck: …waiht wahti cum spel proply!!!!11one!!We Will Meet Again: il&shaddis in teh appisote 22


Greetings, citizen. It appears that you are editing my page, so I must advise you to follow the laws of editing pages like these.First law is that you do not add in spoiler tags. There's already too many spoilers already.And the second law is to not add in any speculative things or theoretic concepts about Epithet Erased. There is only the first series and Prison of Plastic floating about.Citizen, I must advise you that all spoilers ofEpithet Erasedare unmarked.Make of this warning what you will.Percy's Stats:Stamina:Lv. 1 ★☆☆☆☆Proficiency:Lv. 1 ★★★★★Creativity:Lv. 1 ★★★★☆(For the best listening experience, I'd advise you to read this page in the voice of Sandra Espionza.)Greetings, citizen. It appears that you've stumbled onto my page of self-demonstration. My name is Percival King, but please, call me Percy. I was the one who made a search for the Arsene Amulet in the first season of Epithet Erased, which lead me to the township of Redwood Run.My epithet isParapet. It makes various towers and huts that create a variety of different effects, such as a wizard tower that shoots off lightning in various directions, or an apothecary that heals any physical wounds that you may have sustained. Not mental wounds, though. It is not a substitute for a licensed psychotherapist.Here are some of the tropes that I may display:Bizarre Taste in Food: Whatever do you mean? It is the most normal piece of food that you could possibly imagine. A piece of plain toast and a glass of water. On holidays, I add butter... to the water.Combat Medic: My buildings have a variety of effects, including healing a small area or taking down criminals with a single lightning blast.The Comically Serious: This page is certainly one of many self-demonstrating pages out there, but I am certain, they are talking about themselves. Just like I am right now. Quite nice, isn't it?Cool Sword: It is a Real-Ass Goddamn Sword, after all. Real-Ass Goddamn weapons are the only weapons in the world capable of actually wounding someone... which makes them much more dangerous if an epithet like Zora Salazar'sSundialis Inscribed on one.Hair of Gold, Heart of Gold: Yes, my hair is quite nice. Do you need help over there, citizen?Honor Before Reason: You are quite honorable, citizen. What do you mean, you're a troper? What is that term? Erm... Forget about my question. That just makes you even more honorable that you're able to stomach the many tropes of this strange website.Innocently Insensitive: Still, I'm not quite sure why you call yourself a... troper.Ms. Fixit: Another application of my epithet is repairing the infrastructures of damaged objects. It works most efficiently with architectural objects, such as walls or doors, but it can also do smaller repairs for non-architectural objects such as cars.No Social Skills: I do not understand this trope. Nevermind that, I am not sure why you are staring at me like that.Power-Strain Blackout: During the final standoff with the bounty hunter Zora Salazar, I created a multitude of wizard towers to blast Zora in addition to my already scarce stamina, Which caused me topass outat that time, but at least safety has been secured.Serious Business: This page is a very serious one, citizen.Sesquipedalian Loquaciousness: Oh? Citizen, you say that I have a tendency of using extensive words? Whatever do you mean, citizen?Squishy Wizard: My wizard towers have a variety of effects, ranging from apothecaries that heal a certain area of their physical wounds, or wizard towers that blast away foes with adroitness, but I do admit that my stamina is lacking.Thank you for your time, citizen. Now I must go.


Blue sky to foreverThe green grass blows in the wind, dancingIt would be a much better sight with you with meJordan? Jordan? Where's Jordan?He must be somewhere in the basement.No one ever leaves the basement.And that makes me sad. Can any of you help me with my depression? I'm depressed, and whenever I get depressed I go to Jordan and he plays a depressing video game.Examples that make me sad.Creepy Good: B-But Jordanwantedme to kill the evil half of his face! Honest!The Eeyore: No Ican'tlighten up. Why don'tyoulighten up, huh?! I just want to be alone.The Gadfly: I can always count on Jordan when I'm depressed, and I'malwaysdepressed.Literal Split Personality: I'm depressed. I'm depressed that Anxiety Jordan is a mess. I'm depressed that Evil Jordan had to die. I'm depressed that Skele-Jordan had to dieagain. I'm depressed thatCaddicarushas a dog and that one day it will die. I'm depressed that Jordan was depressed when he was little and now we're all stuck in this basement. I don't think he likes me very much, and that makes me sad…Perpetual Frowner: I smile sometimes…With Friends Like These...: I don't think Jordan likes me very much. Sometimes he would ignore me or tell me to go away, but then I had to get Mr. Whiskers. He's my friend, and he does bad things to people when he gets angry.Your Mom:…touches upon dark subjects.


"They were....disgusting."Me (on why I killed those [EXPLETIVE DELETED] farmers).*Low growling noises*Hmmm....Disgusting creature. Why have you come here? You're lucky I'm contained at the moment. Otherwise, I'd snap you in half.*Growl*Thevermin in charge herehave beenkindenough to allow me my own TV Tropes page. I suppose anything to keep me from [REDACTED].Heh-heh-heh.I've been designated as SCP-682 or "Hard To Destroy Reptile". Though, I only look like one of your (admittedly not as vile but still hideous) cold-blooded creatures. The foundation captured me after I brutally slaughtered a bunch of [EXPLETIVES DELETED] farmers. Ever since then, they've tried to kill me. Needless to say, their pitiful attempts have been unsuccessful. So, for now, they keep me in a tank of acid in order to weaken me.You filthy [EXPLETIVE DELETED] piles of [EXPLETIVE DELETED] can read about [DATA EXPUNGED]-Ambiguous Gender: I may or may not be female. To be honest, gender doesn't really apply to me since I can be either, both, or neither at any time. Regeneration has that advantage.053 seems to think I'd look pretty in a bow and dress. That's adorable.Absolute Xenophobe: My goal is to eradicate all disgusting vile beings in this universe.Adaptive Ability: No matter what the foundation does to me, sooner or later I'll grow immune to it, and begin wrecking their shit all over again. The downside is that I lose my adaptations if I'm not constantly exposed to whatever hazard it was... but damn they're fun while they last.Berserk Button: The life on this cursed world is absolutely wretched! You disgusting worthless piece of [EXPLETIVE DELETED]!Bioluminescence Is Cool: I adapted to 272 this way. *snort* How else do you defend against a nail that pins your shadow?Bizarre Alien Biology: No one knows if I'm truly organic. And apparently I'm related tosome weird stuff meatbags found in an outer space colony, to the point of being aBerserk Button.Broken Base: Some of you humans seem to love me. Disgusting. Others find me to be overpowered. Equally disgusting. I find all humans to be repulsive.Cain and Abel: Ugh...as if 999 wasn't enough of a disgusting pile of [EXPLETIVE DELETED] there's the repulsive possibility he's my younger brother. Apparently, both of us are children of the Scarlet King. Stupid cheerful little [EXPLETIVE DELETED].Call a Smeerp a "Rabbit": I'm not a reptile. I just look like one. Stupid humans.Ceiling Cling: Listen, meatbags. I am not afraid ofSCP-524. Evasive maneuvers are a perfectly valid adaptation.Cosmic Retcon:Won't work on me, becausemypast can't be rewritten. I've seen what 2140 can do before, back when [REDACTED].Dead Horse Trope: In fairness, I did enjoy beating that horse corpse to a bloody pulp.Diabolus ex Nihilo: You say that like it's uncommon around here.Due to the Dead: When I learned the MTF Team in SCP-2935 decided to stay there and seal it off, I offered My sincere gratitude. It sealed away something that could [EXPLETIVE DELETED] kill me.Eldritch Abomination: The foundation thinks something is "off" about me due to my physiology. *Snorts* Even 343, who claims to beGod, is unable to sense my very presence. Not sure if I should be flattered or insulted.Extreme Omnivore: Anything I eat restores my power. Yes, even the acid they contained me in.Even Evil Has Loved Ones: Well, have youseenSCP-053? She is perhaps one of the few creatures in this world that isn't a repulsive freak. I even allowed her to scribble on my carrapace.Also, when she was revealed to bethe horseman of death (maybe), guess who got to be her "steed"?How sweet... And no, I'm not her pet. I'm more like a collaborator...Eyes Do Not Belong There: Ineedthose extra eyes I adapt sometimes, or else 173 will [REDACTED], SO QUIT SHOOTING THEM ALREADY!Failure Is the Only Option: You'd think that trying [DATA EXPUNGED] and even [DATA EXPUNGED] would kill me! And yet I'm still here.You know that whole Procedure 110-Montauk that must be done to prevent the Scarlet King's children from being born? Given I exist, it's clear you humans failed miserably.Good Thing You Can Heal: For me, yes. For you, it means I can heal any wounds before I tear apart the meaty husks you call bodies..Half the Man He Used to Be: The foundation tried this once. Both halves regenerated into me, heheh. But, I had to eat myself to speed up my regeneration,you know how it is.Horrifying the Horror: KEEP THATTHINGnoteSCP-173AWAY FROM ME! THE SAME GOES TO THAT OTHERTHINGnoteSCP-524AS WELL!!Horse of a Different Color: That deranged idiot Dr. Kondraki once tried to ride me. Dumb [EXPLETIVE DELETED] nearly got himself (Remember: can't die) killed by 173. For the record, the only one allowed to ride me is 053. If anyone else, especially Kondraki (again), tries to ride me, I will shove my spines up his [EXPLETIVE DELETED] until their bodily fluids ooze out of every orifice on their body, especially the ones I JUST MADE!Humans Through Alien Eyes: From my perspective, all life in this world are filthy horrid piles of [EXPLETIVE DELETED] that must be destroyed at once! If you ask me, I'm doing everyone a favor by eradicating such filth.Infernal Retaliation: Once, the Foundation triedthrowing me into their sun. I came right back, on fire, doubtlessly pissed and ready to burn some [EXPLETIVE DELETED].The Juggernaut: You [EXPLETIVE DELETED] know you'll never destroy me, I'm a being beyond your comprehension!Liminal Being: They're finally starting to catch on that words like "alive" and "organic" only apply to me in the loosest sense.Multiple-Choice Past: Am I an alien? 053's mount? The devil himself? Or perhaps I'm one of the Scarlet King's children the foundation is so desperate to keep from being born. Perhaps I'm all of the above. To be honest, so long as I can rip out your[REDACTED] and use it as dental floss, it doesn't really matter.Nightmare Fuel: I'm a hate-filled monster that can heal from nearly anything! You should fear me!Non-Malicious Monster: Surprised? It's not in my nature to be this aggressive and violent; you [EXPLETIVE DELETED] arejust that disgustingto me. If I see something that isn't so horrifying, like 053, or Dr. Clef behind his [DATA EXPUNGED], I'll leave it be.Nuke 'em: They refuse to try this on me. They're afraid I'll become radioactive. And then what?Rampage across Tokyo?Come to think of it, that sounds about right.Obliviously Evil: You humans acting like me wanting to destroy you is a bad thing. Is it wrong for me to eradicate a bunch of pests?Odd Friendship: Turns out I don't hateeverythingon this putrid sphere of filth.053. Why you worthless piles of flesh keep such a sweet little girl contained is beyond me. I mean, have you seen her? She's the most innocent creature I have ever met!And if I find out you've harmed one hair on her precious little head, I'll crush you into paste!That is unless she causes you to die first. Isn't that cute?079 and I bonded quickly during our short time together. We share a lot of common interests like our hatred of living things and our desire to eradicate life in the slowest and most painful way possible. Heh heh. I do look forward to visiting him again.Ugh... 999 and I arenotfriends. See below for details, you sacks of worthless meat.Omnicidal Maniac: DIE! DIE YOU DISGUSTING LIFEFORMS!EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE!Power Copying: Sometimes my adaptations allow me to use whatever the Foundation has used on me against them, like 061's psychicMind Control, 999's happiness, or me, the toaster...Regret Eating Me: ...Why did you stupid flesh sacks think that any hamburger meat made out of me would be good?!Reptiles Are Abhorrent: My codename is "Hard-to-Kill Reptile". Not that I am one, stupid Foundation!The Rival: Oh, 1548. It's a race between me and him to see who destroys all of you meatbags first. Make no mistake, I will break free and do it myself way before that hydrogen balloon gets here. In the meantime,we rap.Satan: Perhaps. SeeMultiple-Choice Pastabove, stupid humans. Though, my interactions with SCP-001 are of any indication...Also, how the [EXPLETIVE DELETED] did you humans not realize that wasn't the garden? Don't you have 343 in containment? Stupid Foundation.Sophisticated as Hell: I can be quite eloquent in my speech patterns. Why I waste my vocabulary on such putrid, disgusting, absolutely revolting mounds of flesh and bone is [EXPLETIVE DELETED] beyond me.Take a Third Option: Once they tried to use that loud [EXPLETIVE DELETED] bird, 2337, against me. Simply asking him to leave was enough to work. The [EXPLETIVE DELETED] are "gummy worms" anyway?The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny: Anytime I fight a strong SCP inevitably turns into this, but good luck trying to find one that'll put me down for good!Against076-2: Pretty fun, unless you count the part where he respawned. Must be how those scientists feel whenever their toys don't kill me.Against096: Skinny bastard's a lot tougher than he looks, though I'm pretty sure I broke his spirit at least.Against372: Cornered it. Knocked it out.The end.Against 826: The foundation used this thing to make a friendly monster that most definitely could, and would kill me. *smug, toothy grin* Killed it anyway.Against2599: Turns out the little shit couldn't kill me, even when I asked (Cheeky wink, laughtrack, jazzy outro).Vitriolic Best Buds: 999 and I have a love/hate relationship. He loves me, I wish he'd shove his happy-go-lucky face into a blender going full speed. I must admit, being able to kill those personnel with the power of laughter was quite enjoyable. 999 can still go [EXPLETIVE DELETED] himself if he ever tries to tickle me again, though.Woobie, Destroyer of Worlds: The [EXPLETIVE DELETED] is a "woobie"? I must admit, I do quite like the "Destroyer Of Worlds" moniker. Sounds about right. You humans are still grotesque piles of [EXPLETIVE DELETED].The Worf Effect: If something needs to be shown as crazy strong in a tale, it'll end up killing me.Like the one about when1548finally arrived. He disintegrated me. Come on! There's no way a stupid ball of hydrogen can kill me! He can't even beat me in a rap battle!151-Dapparently decapitated me with my own severed jaw... If the little [EXPLETIVE DELETED] hadn'tgotten bored and wandered offI would've definitely killed his ass before056did.Ghh... whichever jellybag thought of theideaof 173 being able to replicate deserves an extra painful demise, courtesy of me.2935killed anExpendable Alternate Universeme... but it also killed 173 and every last [REDACTED] on that version of this worthless rock, so props to it, I suppose.Now....*Glass cracks* to eradicate you filthy [EXPLETIVE DELETED] and all disgusting beings....*glass shatters*...WARNING! 682 CONTAINMENT BREACH! WARNING 682 CONTAINMENT BREACH! WA-*Roars are heard as a massive clawed hand breaks the alarm system*"That feculent little snot wad can [EXPLETIVE DELETED] and die!"My thoughts on 999.Alternative Title(s):SCP Foundation SCP 682


"You don't know it yet, butI'm the real reason you're here. Check me out! No, seriously, check me out."(Please read this page in the voice of Matt Chapman, doing a gruff Mexican accent.)♪I'm checkin' up a text-based email for you...♪Dear Strong BadCan you make a page on TV Tropesthat demonstrates your coolsomeness?Crapfully yours,A User Of TV TropesOK nerds, since you clearly need some educating in awesome, and since I am so awesome, I decided to make a page for myself on your Dork Nerd website. Just try and not barf all over it with your nerdness. Also, if the discussion page for this askshow I wrotethis withboxing gloves on, I will punch your face so hard that your face will need to be un-punched to fix it.Since some of you lame-o faces might not know who I am,as unreasonable as that is,I am Strong Bad, checker of E-mails and the Ruler of Strong Badia. I am the most popular of all the characters from the Homestar Runner website.Due to my overwhelming popularity with the masses that are mostly made up ofHot women in their twenties,(and not a bunch of sweaty, dorm-inhabiting college kids. At all. ever.)I've had a lot of appearances in other media. I've been referenced in TV shows. I've also gotten into some video games, likeGuitar Hero(my pet dragonTrogdor the Burninator'stheme song got in), and Iplayed poker one timewithan insane rabbit police guy,a Russian mercenary obsessed with killing,some loser who plays D&D all day, andsome mute guy.I even got my own game:Strong Bad's Cool Game for Attractive People, or SBCG4AP. It's a point-'n-click game where you play as... ME!!Anyways, let's get onto the good stu... Oh wait, there's one more thing. One tiny, immaculate little detail...I RUN THE BEST E-MAIL SHOW IN THE UNIVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERSE! Yes, that's right, with twenty-one E's! Strong Bad Emails, or sbemails, is a show where I check emails sent in by fans. I get to make fun of people, and you get to be made fun of by the best person ever. It's a win-win-win!This page ain't done yet, so maybe some of youdork-nerd-nerd-dork-faces could help.Here's a list of all the awesome tropes about the best person in the world:Bad Boss: So what if I horse-rough The Cheat a bit? An evil dictator's minions must be kept in line.Bad Liar: Wait, WHAT! Who's saying I'M a bad liar? Those times I prank-called Marzipan should prove I'm an artist of lies.Badbutt: What do you mean, Badbutt? What, are you not allowed to say badass? Really?That was censored? Geez, I hate being suitable for babies.This is worse than one of Homestar's Deep Impact DVD gifts.Benevolent Boss: Oh yeah, I'm very good to The Cheat. I pay him really well, and in return, he continues being a loyal lackey. Though it helps that I've convinced him that pencil shavings are legal tender, so I don't actually pay him much at all.Berserk Button: I swear to the holy burninator Trogdor, if I get one more email asking about how I type with boxing gloves or signed with the word "crap", there will be blood. Probably Strong Sad's.Big Brother Bully: What? Do you think you could resist NOT punching the stuffing/snot/last week out of someone as annoying as Strong Sad?Breakout Character: There's a reason most people who go the ol' website are here for me.Buffy Speak: There's even a whole dictionary called "Count Longardeaux's Jerktionary" just for the words I invented!Bullying a Dragon: There was this one email where I intentionally kicked Graw Mad in the shins.Card-Carrying Villain: There was this one day where me and The Cheat walked past this deflated basketball and consciously decided not to re-inflate it!Casanova Wannabe: I'm tellin' you the truth, I DO have a million girlfriends!Catchphrase: I used to like-a to say "Holy Crap", but I stopped after Strong Sad kept camping next to the Lappy just to come out when I said it. As for my alter-ego Dangeresque, this ladder is missing 7 rungs, so looks like I'm gonna have to jump!Not to mention:DELETED!! (BEEP)Character Blog: I'm sometimes Tweet with the Lappier at@StrongBadActual!Characterization Marches On: I'm a bit less annoyed at Dumbstar now than I used to be. But I still want to beat the crap outta him for old time's sakes.Cheaters Never Prosper: Even the "totally legitimate rule" I wrote for Kick-A-Ball made me lose!The Chew Toy: I had to be hurt 5 times just to get 100% completion in my own dang game's third episode!Comedic Underwear Exposure: Oh pants! Come here my pants!Comically Missing the Point: I like to take some of my emails in a different direction. To be fair, half of them are near miss-readable!Cruel to Be Kind: Besides the fact that it's just fun to make fun of my little brother, Strong Sad, apparently helikesto be insulted and belittled. Takes a little edge out of it, but hey, no resistance!Deadpan Snarker: How else can I make my emails so fresh and cool?Defiant Stone Throw: My headless body once threw stones at ol' Clogdor! (AKA The King of Town)Defictionalization: Sometimes, I black out. When I wake the heck up, some of my weird ideas turn out to be real!Dick Dastardly Stops to Cheat: There's a reason Itotally win every COM-PE-TI-TION!Disco Dan: The computers used are Compy branded state of the art and my precious Videlectrix Fun-Machine always produces the bestest graphics! Though I can't understand why The Cheat always uses these fancy computers with the back cut off and a bar of soap!Drunk on Milk: There was this one time that I tried to fly Bubs' Concession Stand when I drank some soy sauce.Even Evil Has Standards: Viciously villainous and vile as I may be, I am still haunted by thatHeavyman's tale of engineers and wrenches. Truly some[BLEEP]ed up[BLEEP], man. His sparrow story's also pretty sad.Even the Guys Want Him: I don't understand why Dumbstar sometimes swoons over me!Evil Is Cool: Why else would I be the most popuplar Character from Yonder Website?Evil Is Sexy:ALL the lady-types love Strong Bad! I'm typing this right now from a hot tub with 128 Hot Katies!Expy: I'm kinda based off of a tag team from a really crappy NES wrestling game.Fourth-Wall Mail Slot: My wonderful sbemails. Answering stupid questions from all you morons on the internet.Genre Savvy: There's never a situation in my emails that can't be solved by video game or movie logic.Grammar Correction Gag: Send me your emails, and I will make fun of your punctuation and spelling. I mean, answer them.Grammar Nazi: Ohhhhhhh! If you want it to be possessive, it's just 'I-T-S.' But, if it's supposed to be a contraction then it's 'I-T-apostrophe-S,' scalawag.Have I Mentioned I Am Sexually Active Today?:I TOTALLY AM!I got, like, a million girlfriends! They're just... too cool to be found hanging out with the riff raff I live near.Heavy Mithril: Trogdor was a man... I mean, he was a dragon-man... or maybe he was just a dragon... but he was still TROGDOOOOOOR!!!!Ineffectual Sympathetic Villain: HEY! That's not true, I'm TOTALLY effectual!Jerkass Has a Point: One Decemberween, I had to point out to Marzipan that shetook, at face value, somethingthat Senor Cardgage,the guy who lives in a bush and talks to melty candy bars said. And, who not fifteen minutes before I came up to her, told me I "might paste away if I Dinty Moore."Meaningful Name: Yeah, Strong Bad is a pretty good name for me. I mean, I'm like really strong and stuff, got me some nice, beefy arms. And I am really bad! Nobody messes with me!Not a Mask: This is not a mask. It's my face. Since taking it off hurts a lottle, I usually give emails requesting me to take it all off a little 1-2 DELETED! punch.Poke the Poodle: The Cheat and I have donesome nasty stuff lately, like actively choosing not to reinflate a basketball we passed by!Red Boxing Gloves: THESE! ARE! MY! HANDS!Rock Opera: SBEMAAAIILLL!Show Within a Show: (high-pitched screechy voice) TEEN GIRL SQUAD!!!Small Name, Big Ego: Hey, who you calling small?! I'll have you know that I'm the most awesomest, most handsomest, most fearedest person in all of Free Country, USA. I even have my own country! Strong Badia. Population: tire.Villain Decay: Some jerkbutt emailed me to say I was losing my edge! Guess I better put some Volcanofernal Scorchsauce in Dumbstar's melonade and set something on fire.HELSCOME MY SELF DEMONSTRATING PAGE! IT'S NOT DONE.This page is best viewed with Ned's Cape 1.0 or lower.


"I WARNED YOU ABOUT STAIRS BRO! I TOLD YOU DAWG!"- swet ro in thefirst comiuciT KEEPS HAPPENINGconcsUMer elert! Awwww yeah biches! Sweet bro and helpful jeffbook. he he he dube! give yourmomey and buy it bichhav DAVe andrew sing it 2too.ass well as the HOTTEST MERCH you'll will ever get to where, just like the authore himselfhe hehe hehe hehe.hey dude.so your want to know, just WHATs is exactly sweet bro and hella jeff?DUFEtheres so there is thits lame assawesomecortoonstripperinside this lameassham steakabout some green clown chump ass, whichSECRETLY CONTAINSS A MYSERTY(ms paent adventres), itsSWEET BRO AND HELLA JEFFwith thenewfriend........................GEROMYsomemaymightsay its isan exomple ofstylist sock, but its moe like stylistikAWESUMEAMIRIGHT???......... . ..? . . .. ...... .'noS1c1ontains the follwign treops[[foldedr]]tropetropetropetropetropetropetropetropetropetropetropetropetropetropetropetropetropetropetropetropetropetropetropetropetropetroeptropetropetropetropetropetropetropetropetropetropetropetropeI Could Tell You But But I'd Would Have To Kill You:GOD DAAAAAAMMNNtropetropetrooptropetropetropetropetropetropetropetropetropetrepetropewhy you lookin here you know thats wasting your time and mome so stoptropetropetropetropetropetropetropetropetropetropetropetropetropetropetropetrepetropetropetropetropetropetropetroperopetropetropetropetropetropetropetropetropetropetropetropetropetropetropetropetropetrope[[spoiletropetropetropetropetropetorpetropetropetropetrope[/dofder]]]]]fuck dere no tropes mannostsater and waltdogthis tame!! haeheehe


This is me looking my best, guys.Hey guys...I'm Tissues fromInanimate Insanity, guys.I joined the show for Season Two, but the viewers didn't like me and voted me out first. They say it's cause I'm disgusting, but I'm not! It's my condishawn!Oh, and speaking of my condishawn. It holds me back from putting myself out in the world and making friends. Oh, and warning people of the dangers of oatmeal raisin cookies! I do have a few friends, like YinYang and my roommate Trophy Horseplay, but that's about it...Seriously though, guys, oatmeal raisin cookies are the cause of global warming,guys!Tropes about meApologizes a Lot: What choice do I have? No one likes getting sneezed on, guys.All of the Other Reindeer: Except for YinYang, no one ever wants to be around me. Not even Trophy Horseplay!Cloudcuckoolander: What does clouds and cuckoos have to do with me? ...Guys?I Just Want to Have Friends: I want to be social, but my condishawn stops me.Insistent Terminology: It's not "condition", it's "condiShAWn".Literal-Minded: Of course I literally have a mind!Nature Lover: Rising temperatures are bad, guys! Not just my own, but the planet too! It's those oatmeal raisin cookies, guys!They're melting the Gladstonian Glacier!Pink Girl, Blue Boy: I'm a blue boy and Soap is a pink girl. ...I mean, she doesn't like me, but...Sneeze of Doom: The main symptom of the condishawn is that it sucks up all your energy into one giant sneeze, which happens to me a lot. Some of the viewers even compared me to a machine gun!Speech Impediment: I have a slight lisp, guys.Verbal Tic: I say "guys" a lot, guys.We Hardly Knew Ye: I was the first eliminated from Season Two. I hate going on the website and seeing that 20/20 next to my name, guys...


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(cue ominous harpsichord music)(THEVVITCHFINDER GENERALProvideth aSELF-VVRITTEN TREATISEof his Perſon on this Sinfull Pamphlet ofT.V. TROPESTogether vvithREAL PURITAN LAWS & HISTORIEFrom the Colonies ofNEVVE-ENGLAND)Save thatintroducsion music. Music is sinful. The rest of the toime will be spent in soilent contemplasion of the Sovereign of Our Lord.Oi am the Witchfinder General of the Colenai of Massachusetts Bay.Today oi shall be in close stoudy of this foul false pretender in the shadow of the Holy Boible, this wretched sinner-written festival of unholy loight that the witches name "Tay-Vay Tropes".Moi soul is moine to keep and it's best yeh banish my name from yer Book of Loies should the loight of Our Lord gouides my hand against yeh!Antiquated Linguistics: The papel of these colenais claim that they art "English", with the accent of the English. Yet they spake queerly in nothing but tongues, curséd words of the Devil!Deliberate Values Dissonance: The papel of these colenais are enamoured by the falseties of scarlet women and Papist warlards thatprefer the wiles of common-folk vuln'rable to the lure of greed and lust than the Christian decree of the King.Disproportionate Retribution: If yer son is disobedient or yer daughter is engaged in the lustfulbare-ankledwhoiles of Devilrei, you are to lay hold on them and deliver then to the magistrates assembled in the court of the shire in which yeh dwell. There testify to them that they art unworthy of God's love, and if their judgement to the court sees fit, thy kin shall be put to instant death.Everyone Has Standards: While the pox is a carse upon the people by the All'Moighty God, our ever merciful Lord has seen fit to grant us with the gift of intelligence, and such measures as inoculatsion and other farms of physic are not Devilrei. At least, by good English Christian folk. Let the French and Indians fend for themselves.Fish out of Temporal Water: Thou may be ahsking, why hath the Lord ordained to send me into these sinful and strange toimes instead of my original toime, in hwhich the word of God art the law of the land? Verily, it be that these toimes are in hwhich all of humanitai hath descended into all manner of sin and unholy, Papist behaviors. The Lord hath spoken, oi am the one chosen to show the paeple of these toimes the way of our Lord, for'tis my dyooty to judge ye who shant listen to His absolute word!The Grinch: Christ'Mass is a most vile and profane and superstitious custom! A carnival of residual papist idolatry! Where the people of this common-wealth are entoist to a lasiviousness, idleness, drunkenness, gluttony, unlawful gamin', cursin', swearin', the like! Tis' war to be waged against this Black Sabbath and the true followers of Our Lord Chroist All'Moighty!Politically Incorrect Villain: Nay', tis any who insult and defile the good and holy name of the sacriture with their papist Devilrei, Quaker-tricks, Indian-savagrai and womanly whiles at which art the true villains in this sinful toimes!The Witch Hunter: Witches who took council away from the Sovereign of Our Lord and to kiss the unkempt bottom of the Devil shall not suffer to live! To foind a hag who shant recoite the Commandments or have the witches mark are to be hanged and denounced as a choild of God All'Moighty.Would Hurt a Child: None who engage in hwitchcraft may live, nay, not e'en children, for they are capable of enough reason to practice the black arts!Thou art a wretched sinner, utterly unworthy of God's love. A fountain of pollution is deep within thou nature and thou livith as a winter tree; unprofitable, fit only to be hewn down and burned. Steep thy life in prayer, and hope that God sees fit to show mercy on thy corrupted soul.