The Liverpool Standard and General Commercial Advertiser. — Liverpool, Merseyside, England, 1855-12-18 00:00:00

212 su - bring back my—" " Green peas, gen 7, . - green peas !" squeaked a bean-pole war., , • ith a nose like a sausage, and little twinklr eyes. A dozen hands grabbed convulsively at: tne dish. Green peas were a great rarity ; a sufficiently evinced by the complacent air of the servant as he announced them. A dish of gravy and a bottle of catsup were upset in the scuffle, much to the annoyance of the sour man, in whose lap a greater part of the first sought a depot. "You have got your soup, I find, sir !" said a wag opposite, at which everybody laughed, and one individual, at an untiweiy moment, when his' mouth was full of Score': ale, whereby a great gurgling and spluttering ensued, ended by a general spirt upon the " fixins " of all who were near him ; a most impartial division, for all received a portion. As soon as he could make himself heard above the discord, the person to whom the wag's remark had been addressed answered, with much asperity, "That's Irish wit, I s'pose—l hate Irish !" " Peas, waiter !" " Waiter, peas !" " Peas ! peas ! peas 1" ex claimed a hundred voices in a breath. Reasonable souls ! They looked to be all helped at once. " Pass those peas !" said a score of impatient voices to the gentleman with the crimson face, who, in the scuffle, had succeeded in securing the dish to himself. " Ha, ha" he spluttered com placently, with his mouth half-full of salmon, "! hadn't eat any of these 'ere for a long while ! " They look very fine 1" said the next but one ad joining, in a manner that implied a strong desire to ascertain whether they did not taste respect ably. "Very, very!" replied the fat man, as he scooped nine-tenths of all there were in the dish on to his own plate. Sundry eyes glanced pitch forks at him? They were evidently astonished. They should not have been. The gentleman came from a western pork-growing district. He fatted his own swine. " I'm special fond of peas," said he, half in enthusiasm at his own appetite, and half as a sort of apology. " Split me if I shouldn't think so !" exclaimed the wag. " Well, it's nothing strange !" snapped out Vinegar, tak ing the part of the obese, and chuckling at the discomfiture of the others. " Some people will eat, until, being unable to help themselves, we shall be compelled to lift them out of their seat !" exclaimed one of the disappointed, giving the fat man a look that was not to be misconstrued. I looked about me for some peas, but saw none. As I was scrutinising, my eyes encountered the rueful and bewildered face of a modest young man, with an empty plate. In all probability he had never dined before in an hotel ; at least, the diffident manner with which he received the in attention paid to his modest requests seemed to say as much. A constant fear, too, lest he should not behave quite like the rest appeared to haunt him ; and the longer he was neglected the more he appeared embarrassed. Poor fellow ! He had not received a mouthful to eat. What a bore is modesty ! Brass is, emphatically, an accomplish ment. The young man looked very ridiculous for the lack of it ; and I pitied him. " Waiter !" said I, winking peculiarly to an Adonis with squint eyes, and a mouth like a codfish. He sprang to my side. The wink had touched his feelings. I knew it would. A waiter's heart is open to a wink when words are useless. " Get me some peas and fresh salmon, on a clean plate." The fellow's eyes concentrated in their deepest squint, as he looked inquiringly, first into my face, and then at the space between my thumb and fore finger. Apparently not seeing there what he had expected, his sprightly, helpful manner died away very suddenly, and his answer, as he stared mechanically up the table, was unqualifiedly brief. " Guess there ar'n't any here ; don't see any." I pointed to my thumb and fore-finger. •A ;MENT TO THE LIVERPOOL STAN quarter-dollar filled the space so lately vacant. "Do you see any now ?" The mouth opened wide, and assumed an amiable grin, and the eyes an extra squint, and for half a minute glanced scrutinisingly around the table." " I think I does !" said he. His sight was com pletely restored. " I thought you would," said I, dropping the coin into his horny palm. What wonders the " root of all evil" can accom plish. It makes the best vegetable pills in the world, and " may be used with equally astonish ing success in all climates." " Here, you squint eyed rascal !" roared out Vinegar, who, for the last ten minutes, had been unceasingly cursing every servant within hearing. " I saw you take that bribe ! Bring me my soup, or I'll expose you. Pretty joke ! Have to pay landlord exor bitant charge for dinner, and then, pay, beside, a lubberly set of lanthorn-jawed waiters for helping you to it! I won't submit to such treatment, and those who will are ninnies ! I won't stand it ! I'll make them change their tone. I'll punish the landlord. I'll blow his hotel to the devil. I 11—I'll—I'll have my soup ! Here, you laughing hyena, with your teeth out of doors, bring me my soup I" The disinterested servant brought me the peas and salmon with great alacrity, and looked as if he would like to have the silver dose repeated, but I had no further use for him, and stared coldly upon his enthusiasm. He was was a philosopher, and a deeply-read student of human nature. He understood that cold look as readily as he had done the wink, and, to adopt a western phrase, quickly " absquat ulated." Helping myself to a portion of the viands which I had been so fortunate as to obtain, I passed the remainder to my modest neighbour. He appeared very grateful, but was too much embarrassed to thank me. Having helped him self to salmon, he Was proceeding (leisurely, lest he should seem indecorous) to take some peas, when the dish was unceremoniously seized and carried to the obese, who had bribed the waiter with a shilling to execute the ma noeuvre. Whereupon my modest friend looked very blank, and Vinegar took occasion to dilate sarcastically upon the expense of feeding pigs in the west ; in which the fat man,unsophisticated, and seeing no allusion, coincided with fervour. He had swine to sell, and crying up the expense of fattening them would tend to increase their value in the market. And here ensued a confab between the wag and the obese, in which the latter was made the unwitting butt of a thousand and one small shafts, touching his professional and personal affinities. " Clear the tables !" sang out the authoritative voice of one decked in a short white apron, who brandished in a masterly manner a huge carving-knife and fork. This was no less a personage than the head-waiter, or " butler," as he directed his fellow-servants to style him. My modest neighbour, supposing that the last-named order was intended as an in sinuation that the guests had ate enough, arose and walked off. Upon reaching the door, and turning round, he seemed to perceive his mistake, and that the order was but for the clearance of the meats, to make room for the pastry ; but, ashamed to expose his ignorance of " etiquette" by returning to the table, he left the room, hoping, I doubt not, that those he hadleftbehind himwould ascribe his withdrawal to surfeit rather than igno rance. He probably adjourned to a neighbouring eating-house, to appease his tantalised appetite. " What pudding is this, waiter ?" said a gentle man opposite. " It's a pud-ding, sir-r," was the satisfactory reply. "We know it's a pudding, but what kind of a pudding is it? Find out what pudding it is." " That's aisily done !" said he, as with the utmost sang froid he perforated the crust of the doubtful dish with his dirty thumb. ARD. " Sure, gintlemen, it's a ricer "You ig il l ape—don't you know better than that? 4 ought to be lynched !" "H e would be if he i in our parts !" said the fat gentleman, 0011°,0 a glass of champagne, which he had t a ke'' , bA vited, from my bottle. " Look here, ca,b el head !" said Vinegar, tweaking the offeo der ;t I bring me my soup !" I left the tab i r e j h tta' my last hotel dinner !—From Me "--- _..... Magazine. ILLUSTRATIONS OF E 1 !c ] PROVERBS• " Much would have more." pc' On, the influence of money ! From the hot down to the huckster's stall, from the M ere c i t hat street vendor, who are not to be found, 0„019,02L of tinually, seeking to accumulate more and. ; ,' world's glittering pelf. Yes, among society, all businesses and professions , in a greater or less degree, an inordinate more, more. And to what purpose, it may be purpose tends this continual wear and and mind P Does it insure to the success' in the race solid and enduring peace of it, after the ma nner o f th e gentle and bea not taking a straight course, but mean& right hand and on the left; for the fruitio; district—does it diffuse abroad ameliorat , foofrtlitfoe P the unfortunate a for v tu er n y ate small extent indec those in an in rooted so deeply in the human heart a si ness and covetousness which alike emtbil of the opulent and serves to increase h, his poorer brethren. A craving after ric cannot be called the summum bonum or of our existence. They do not even w o ` more perfect, to say nothing of satisfY izi° " To satisfy and fill the soul ! Attempt, vain inconceivably ! attempt To satisfy the ocean with a drop, To marry Immortality to Deatfi.! And with the unsubstantial shade of Ti To fill the embrace of all eternity!" Seek to satisfy man's better part with rig " Seek mellow grapes beneath the icy P` Seek blooming roses on the cheek of deal Seek substance in a world of fleeting shf Hence it is that in the attempt to beta worldly prosperity, " much would have sent desires cannot be satisfied; like the they cry, " Give, give." At the Ol i v e addition serves but to irritate and incress, Where, moreover, is the absolute ar t ; being free from change and loss P Aou, otherwise, what amount can stay the tia' calamity P Can money insure life, or h l dom from pain, or mitigation of sorro4 mind? Take we an example : look at " 111-guided vvretch Thou might'st have seen him at the 011 ,, e d When good men slept, and in light-will Ascended up to God, in wasteful hall, • /d, With vigilance and fasting worn to 4 , 1 , r3 0 . 04 , " And bone, and wrapped in most deb as 'lt i ll; Thou might'st have seen him bending' e h ig g And holding strange communion with „a' And, as his thievish fancy seemed t o hear The night man's foot approach, starting And his old, decrepid, withered hand, Ali That palsy shook, grasping the yel low To make it sure. . . • f et€ , l P Illustrious fool! nay, most inhum an He sat among his bags, and with a le' t he I: Which hell might be ashamed of, droyedieV Away unalmsed, and midst abundallee Sorest of evils—died of utter want r here P' " Much would have more !" Ana fl I cPii brought to the absolutely pernicious I° o o9 t principle as seen in every-day life' « W I , respect have been justly designated the ir 0 .0 evil." Beautiful and attractive ar d would appear, they may be well ha dceal to flowers which the Roman captives 001 when they entered the capital of th eir f the perfume might be sweet, but i t Wa' .! death unto death." an ° ye° , `I Money, money, what can it not do „ ci te " Useful is wealth : it serves w hat 111'1°40' But dreadful too—the dark assassin prha j 04 ' 1 1 tt4 - 1 1 : e Ofi jP tith gob /.4): the ' ti g 133 t • d o le 0 a n of or .c 1 d ra tel the , \ 4 : al l ctO ‘ t ; cf ; 040 e ' i i3o, shed' to d boa 5s a ? o of v l lerieg,,he 1 1) 41 )n. of t'a %al tion t 5• re nferl e rrii d sOraW itterPe ito nn he seP, thin ,ehes t : es t h an the r the s al 4 I°l'. :rlie s e a pp i at, 11 ( eo ls/ 4,t v t t eat; lode' i l eff ec i .ne ; 0 °ae r se 4 h t ? lal e .,i, , aseio of I/ • l ‘ j c-1' evee f o of t, l e r 4 ov, v c, 114 [DEcE3LIBEIt