The Liverpool Standard and General Commercial Advertiser. — Liverpool, Merseyside, England, 1855-09-25 00:00:00

118 SUPP. to the "palm of eloquence"---that might which moves stones to mutiny and rage ?" It is not in the force of logic ; but in the feeling of sympathy, in the con templation of the lofty beauty of power, and in the thrill of passion's potency--in short, the power and perfection of eloquence is in excitement. Truth is always exciting ; therefore eloquence is the language of truth. Virtue is beauty and enthusiasm, and thus assimilates by its loveliness and power. Vice is cursed with deformity and torpor. Wise, just, and beautiful is the law and trust of nature, which lodges power in truth and virtue. VARIETIES. THE " CIVIL SERVlCE."—Generally the most impu dent department of State.---Punchinello. SOMEBODY says, " A wife should be like a roasted lamb—tender, and nicely dressed." A scamps adds, " and without sauce." THE hardest thing to hold in this world is an unruly tongue. It beats a hot smoothing-iron and a kicking horse considerably. " IT is a curious fact," say some etomolooists, " that it is only the female mosquito that torments us." A bachelor friend jays it is not at all " curious." , A DUTCHMAN'S DESCRIPTION OF NEW. YORK.— Berry fine peoples---dey go about der streets all day, scheating each oder, and dey call dat pizziness. "You've a very striking countenance," as the donkey said to the elephant when he hit him over the back with his trunk. Cuitious.--D.E.B.T. are the initial letters of " Dun Every Body Twice." C.R.E.D.I.T. are the initial letters of " Call Regularly Every Day—l'll Trust." PUBLIC-HOUSE WEATHEE-GLASS.—Why is a public house sign like a weather-glass going backwards P Because it is a sign that wet is not far off. THE LIGHT OF A CHANDLER.—A chandler having had some candles stolen, one bid him to be of good cheer, " for in a short time," said he, " I am confide n t they vill come to light." " My German friend, how long have you been mar ried ?" " Vel, dis a ting vat I seldom don't like to tauk apout ; but ven I does, it seems to be so long that it never vas." DEFINITION OF A GENTLEMAN.---" Mr. Jones, you said the defendant was a gentleman ; what do you mean by that ?"---" I mean the man that pays his accounts the first time they are presented to him." A RESERVATION.—A gentleman in a steam-boat asked the man who came to collect the passage money if there was any danger of being blown up, as the steam made such a horrid noise. " Not the least," said the sharp collector, " unless you refuse to pay your fare." PAT'S REPLY.—Visiting Dublin a short time ago, I inquired of a native whom I met which was market day ? " Sure, bless your honour," replied the Hiber nian, " every day is market-day here." " Why, Pat," I replied, " what is dealt in on Sundays ?" " Prayers," was the smart repartee, " and the priests make us pay mighty dear for them too." MR. DOBBS says that beauties generally die old maids. They set such a value on themselves, that they do not find a purchaser till the market is closed. Out of a dozen beauties who have come out within the past eighteen years, eleven, he says, still occupy single bedsteads. They spend their days in working green dogs on yellow wool—while their evenings are devoted to low spirits and Tupper's Philosophy. PAYING FOR GROWING --In reply . to a lady who thought there was no harm in bringing over a small quantity of lace, the officer said she must have been aware that all things of foreign growth must be paid for. A wag who was standing by, stroking his chin, remarked, Oh, if that is the case, lam afraid I shall have something to pay for my boy." " How so P" was the query of the official. " Because," replied the wag, " since he has been on the continent he has grown three inches." CLEVER BOY."••••'" Napoleon Alexis Dobbs, come up here and say your lesson. What makes boys grow ?" "It is the rain, sir." " Why do not men grow ?" " Because they carry an umbrella, which keeps off the rain." " What manes a young man and a young ,EMENT TO THE LIVERPOOL STANDARD. woman fall in love ?" " Because one of them has a heart of steel, and t'other has a heart of flint, and when they comes together they strike fire, and that is love." " That's right. Now you may go and plague the gals." PHILOSOPHICAL HAPPINESS is to want little and enjoy much ; vulgar happiness is to want much and enjoy little. MADAM, you said your son was a lawyer ; has he much practice ?" " Why, yes, he has a practice of smoking cigars." IN the neighbourhood of Chancery-lane is the follow ing, in the shop of an undertaker, posted on a coffin : —" Pleasant lodging and partial board for a single gentleman of retired habits. Enquire within. N.B. The parties can be done for." AN EXAMPLE.—" The King of Dahomey, an African monarch," says a recent traveller, " keeps a drunkard, feeds him upon rum, and exhibits him at the customs, that his emaciated appearance may shame his people from making beasts of themselves." MRS. PARTINGTON, at the circus the other evening, looked at her boy Ike, who sat watching the clown, with his eyes full of wonder and his hands full of nuts, then turning to a gentleman near her, she asked him if he thought the "revolting by the whole troupe would have a dilatorous tenderness on the boy." CHARLES MATHEWS AND THE ANIMALCULE.--- When The late Charles Mathews was shown the animalcules in a drop of water, revealed by a micro scope, he shuddered at the dangers to which he had been exposed, and expressed his determination to drink no more water without brandy, " for then," said he, "if the monsters are not dead, they will be dead drunk." AN eminent artist, while recently " landscaping" in a midland county, was much annoyed by a by no means polite meddler, who stationed himself near the canvass, and while watching the progress of the work, inter rupted the details by innumerable questions. Finally he inquired, " I say, mister ! what do ye ask to take my portrait?"---" Can't do it," replied the artist, still brushing away. " And why can't ye ?"---" I only paint vegetables, not animals," was the reply. ANTIQUITY.—A lawyer and a doctor were discuss ing the antiquity of their respective professions, and each cited authority to prove his most ancient. " Mine," said the disciple of Lycurgus, " commenced almost with the world's era. Cain slew his brother Abel, and that was a criminal case in common law." " True," rejoined Esculapius, " But my profession is coeval with the creation itself. Old Mother Eve was made out of a rib taken from Adam's body, and that was a surgical operation." POSTURE DURING SLEEP...—Dr. Franklin recom mends the limbs being placed so as not to bear incon veniently hard upon one another ; as, for instance, the joints of the ancles ; for though a bad position may at first give but little pain, and be hardly noticed, yet a continuance of it will render it less tolerable, and the uneasiness may come on during sleep, and may disturb the imagination. In cold weather the arms should be under the clothes, and above them in warm ; and care should be taken not to fold them round the head. It is imprudent to hide the head under the bed-clothes. We ought to sleep with our mouth shut ; as, besides other inconveniences attending a contrary practice, the teeth are liable to injury from it; for the air continu ally passing in and out between them, hurts, and by degrees renders them less firm in their sockets ; it also tends to consume, unnecessarily, the moisture of the mouth and throat, consequently they become too dry, which is always unpleasant, and in cold weather may occasion sore throats. THE following anecdote was recently related by an African traveller :—An Arabian merchant commis sioned a Moor to conduct a caravan, with a drove of camels, across the Great Desert to the grand city of Cairo, with the injunction before he commenced his journey, that if one were missing on his arrival he should pay the penalty with the loss of his head. Obedient to his master's wishes, and with this grave responsibility before him, he started on his journey, and each night as the sun sank before the horizon he prepared his encampment, forgetting not the trust reposed in him by counting his camels. After many days of weary travel he at length arrived at Cairo, and for the last time proceeded to enumerate his camels, when lo ! one w; tion depicted on his cm beast he was riding to camel, but returned in di the back of the animal counted the drove, wb( number was correct. " " I have saved my head the western desert befi riding !" YOUNG GIRLS SLEE: curiousest thing to obi they are getting droves; First a glazalness comet doun, and are lifted up minute. Then the pool shake, and, unwillin to the verse the minister for the hummin stillne into sleep, and the sou lugs like that:o' a water! scions o' what they 're df , i t een upon your face, as if they were grvf, you, and keep nid-noddin upon you, ' 1 ' l . el • a tif ane o' the dizzen divisions o' the disc°, ~ j' " (1 I gie a bit laugh at them wi' the corli e 'oe,;efit touch their fit wi' yours oneath the tne never sae much as ken you're in the 7 0 ,t a ° , cl finally, the soft rounded chin drags (1° ,5•0 11 : to bonny .. bosom; the blue-veined violeL - AP'Alif i twilight whose dewy fall it was sae r: a l e t oly, ° the rose-bud lips, slightly apart, rec', l s lily leaves, and the bonny innocent 1 5 ale' as her sister at hame in its rockin cr Noctes Ambrosiance. • e ct F Ai ii, o l LORD REDESDALE.---InStead of bell p pe l yellow, shrivelled, bloodless, Lord Ite' .. ooL f it"' and good-looking, with a fresh colon sitting up o' nights, or by bachelor ill'oTteri appearances are • any guide in suchto o 0 0. man to whom few ladies would 111 0 4 0 v Bnt then, he is undeniably eccentric-:•vot,„,„ always affects a yellow nankeen wainteir hat, and a blue coat with brass bliAlote altogether an odd person. An anlse of him which shows at once what 131 ,1 1 man must be. His lordship called r i cO e i the house of a friend, a peer, an of without hesitation, by the footman vv ll49 o te 'co, tohim, as a brother servant with a me'tO c ce s i i , delivery to "my Lord." Acting . 49 .7i', loE t . 4 Jeames, who happened to be t lorVio caller with a " I say, there's loK","er, sll Mle' i t send; I wish you'd go to the cefr oo d pint of half-and-half---there's a f ue j°ls - ;irc,q, supposed footman entered into of , ( 11 2 ordered, but brought the mixtut. s ol", e Perkins in its native pewter with l'i co vers t ` hands, and entered into friendly e ,tll both " precious dry" hall Cerberus. came in, and shook the shabby Pecs" Hallo, Redesdale ! In the h a' ' Hope you havn't been waiting log' feelings were on the the st°2 to relate ; they may be left to tll4 London Paper. AMERICAN FACTORY GIRLS ri ll in Maine, recently, the proprietors whereupon there was a general deter as they were obliged to give before quitting work, they have issued a circular to the world at larg: following interesting paragrap h working out our notice, and shall soe, ployment ; can turn our hand tc.,, don't like to be idle ; b ut detero r anything where folks can afford to help We can make bonnets, .1 apatch, cheese,dar darn, ill; e ll , h o e corn, sweep out the kitch en, fry;pies , makea nd b rights, make beds, split wood, law cakes;tter iron, besides being remarkably fo' fact, can do anything the most ace? wife is capable of—not forge ttin g Mondays and Saturdays. For spec refer you to our overseer. Speak b fair foreheads, clustering locks, can sing like a seraph, and smile Ili:ma An elderly gentleman in wamt of a v t ; kp 14 i11;.'41, is i t (1) (i t f ; t o 'k eq rtd ,L )r despair.t la u fi s n E n t m e d n i :;;:hReW 1 i : tt 95:1 1 : fr-I'. : ' .;:' b: co b i. Id (114 a he wthaes;t:eia:disanenfti.o6:oi, i? 4,:; 'Allah to his astoool',. ,:.: f( _Allah! Allah!" he `¢t I' t, , lt It May the silo 001 I fore I count the c iiit s ...,,q,'. EPING IN Clll7llC''d 'le s / tilt, Nerve about the in,,,' - kr : g e sY during sermon, 1i i 6 . ,11 11 1 , 4 es over than, a d i, tit 00 ' P at the rate o' av,, ° ,if,' t, E , 14 1j r. , )r creatures gie tiT 0 ' ' ' s, '' l' be overcome, trY t 0 1 , ''. ,„ t hl) may be quotin) 13°0193 All't), .ess o' the kirx . 511 ii." 1 4 and o' the preacheidjet 'ivie, rfa'. ,__ Then, a'theF,`' 'il th I?_,TILL', they fis the,' I d t' 'e :kr i 1- -- —.,,, ClYillreilt iO4CY ' if ~,,i• Mti v • tSel l • • I ,° t rsoo d o I , t ) 011 4 e 11. v ee e telt , • the I . 0, , ° O et r irti ki duce, i t' • 4 ,,„, re pot, i to 0 0 i t • „„ t i t e ol idl oo ) 11 1,4 rge,/rle t 000 t t 0°50,4,°0 , 4 11 n ulled D 110' ate , 1, 1 v( aresse-i4y it r°7::4l,f al -▪ 00 t t , D e k u 4 1,1 )0 ,4 econ3Pol, • the ;4 !in• leP 010 icU , to Old ` want' ! " so t t