The Liverpool Standard and General Commercial Advertiser. — Liverpool, Merseyside, England, 1855-07-03 00:00:00

SUPP: in their stable dresses, with carbines at their backs, while a strong picket, fully accoutred, was drawn up beyond the river to proteet them from any sudden descent the enemy might make from the oppo site heights, where a few Cossacks were occasionally visible. Close by, on the opposite bank, is a tall conical hill held by the Piedmontese, who have here their advanced post of light troops, dressed in green tunics, and hats with bunches of green feathers, like theatrical bandits, and armed with short rifles. The back of this hill forms, with a steep slope opposite, a narrow gorge, where a pretty stone bridge spans the Tchernaya, and from this point branches the aqueduct which used to supply Sebastopol. Be yond, the valley widens again into meadows sprinkled with trees, and tinted glowingly with flowers ; in some places knolls are so covered with purple, red, or yellow, as to look like great nosegays. In the midst of a grove stands the village of Tchergoum, with its large octagonal tower, and up the road behind it a Cossack may be seen sauntering towards some of his comrades who appear on the heights, and occasionally fire at those who advance furthest from the outposts. There are plenty of Russian burrows here on both sides of the river, and the Allies in their advance made spoil of abundance of arms and furniture, which they disposed of to visitors, one of whom was offered a piano a great bargain, of which he was unable to avail himself, as it was rather too large to put in his saddle-bags ; while in another quarter a post-chaise was for sale. Had the same purchaser got both, he might have taken home the piano in the post-chaise. —Blackwood's Magazine, for July. VARIETIES. WiIAT kind of a doctor would a duck make P—A quack doctor. Mus.PARTINGTON says that a gentleman laughed so heartily that she feared he would have burst his jocular vein. WILY is a fashionable lady like a rigid economist ?—Because she puts herself into a great bustle about a little waist (waste). " GENIUS will work its way through," as the poet remarked, when he saw a hole in the elbow of his coat. THE following is a specimen of the love songs of the Beduin Arabs :—" 0, rose of the desert ! if thy father were a jackass or a mule, I would sell him that I might buy thee." A COMMON DISEASE.—" What is the matter with Mr. Johnson's eyes ?"—" Why, he has injured his sight by looking through a thick-bottomed tumbler." JOIIN WESLEY being asked by a nobleman, " What is humility ?" replied—" My lord, humility, I think, consists in a man thinking the truth about himself." IN CHINA, if a man is not married by the time he is twenty, he is drummed out of the town. No place for bachelors among the fum-fums. A DEEIVATION.—The word daisy is a thousand times pro nounced without adverting to the beauty of its etymology, " the eye of day." As is a letter, if the paper is small and we have much to write, we write closer, so let us learn to economise and improve the remaining moments of life.—Jay. LIFE is a web, composed of many coloured yarn, and we must take the shades with the lights, the bad with the good. In short, we must just make the best of things.—Life by the Fireside. HEAu much and speak little, for the tongue is the instru ment of the greatest good and the greatest evil that is done in the world.—Sir Walter Raleigh. TILE proof of the pudding is in the eating ; the proof of a woman is in making a pudding; and the proof of a man is in being able to dine without one. A PERSIAN PHILOSOPHER being asked by what method he acquired so much knowledge, answered—" By not being pre vented by shame from asking questions when I was ignorant." THERE are few higher gratifications than that of reflection on surmounted evils, when they were not incurred nor protracted by our fault, and neither reproach us with cowardice nor guilt. GROUNDS FOR A REFUSAL—Thirteen objections were once given by a young lady for declining a match ; the first twelve being the suitor's twelve children, and the thirteenth the suitor himself. A poetical temperament is, of all others, the least fitted to the world. Its inequalities, its frankness, its indignation, its ebbs and flows, are all the reverse of craft, and what but craft will the world be ruled by ? IF the devil ever laughs, it must be at hypocrites : they are the greatest dupes he has; they serve him better than any others, and receive no wages ; nay, what is still more extra ordinary, they submit to greater mortifications to go to per dition, than the sincerest Christian to go to heaven. A Poon Intsnmes, who applied for a license to sell ardent spirits, being questioned by the Board of Excise as to his moral fitness for the trust, replied—" Ah, sure it is not much cha racter a man needs to sell the same." WHEN Walter Scott was at school, a boy in the same class was asked by the Dominie what part of speech with was. " A noun, sir," said the boy. " You young blockhead," cried the pedagogue, " what example can you give of such a thing ?" " I can tell you, sir," interrupted Scott, " there's a verse in the bible which says, "they bound Sampson with withs," ,EMENT TO THE LIVERPOOL STAN NEVER joke with dull people ; a joke's lost if it's not under stood, and a friend if it's misunderstood. Wait for a safe audience, and in the meantime talk about the weather, and the advantage of railways in promoting communication. MARRIAGE AT A DISCOUNT. — An Aberdeen paper states that in the beautiful town of Tain, with a population of some 4,000 souls, there has not been a single marriage for twelve months ! ODE TO SLEEP.—A poet asked a gentleman what he thought of his last production, "An Ode to Sleep." The latter replied, "You have (lone so much justice to the subject that it is im possible to read it without feeling its whole weight." IRISHMEN WELL MATED.—A ship from Port Glasgow was recently lying in the harbour at New Orleans, when an Irish emigrant one day came on board, and thus addressed the cook, who was also Irish—" Are you the mate ?" " No," said he : " but I'm the man as boils the mate .1" A MISTAKE.—Sir John Irwin was a favourite with George 111., who once observed to him, " They tell me, Sir John, that you love a glass of wine." "Those," replied Irwin, "who so informed your Majesty have done me a great injustice—they should have said a bottle." QUEEN ELIZABETH, coming to the house of Sir Nicholas Bacon, then keeper of the great seal, said to him, " My lord, what a little house you have got 1" He answered, " Madam, my house is well enough, only you have made me too great for it." SIR NrcrroLA s BACON, when a certain nimble-witted counsellor at the bar interrupted him often, replied " There is a great difference betwixt you and me—a pain to me to speak, and pain to you to hold your tongue." INN SIGNS.—The bell was formerly the usual prize at races. A small gold bell was the prize at York races in 1607; and a bell was one of the prizes at Chester races down to the last century "To bear away the bell" would then be synony mous with "winning the cup" in more modern times. Menschik-off, Scaredhim-off, Soldhim-off, Senthim-off, Kickedhim-off, Pulledhim-off, Pitchedintohimwithasharpstick andrunhimdownthebankslikeallpossessedona half shellan dsobe forth-off, and last, though not least, Old Prince Scamper-off, are the names of Russian generals.—American paper. THE Emperor Alexander of Russia once said of his sub jects—" If they knew where to hide them, they would steal my ships of the line ; if they could draw my teeth without awakening me, they would extract them during the night." Da. LATIEORP was a man of genuine piety, but much op posed to the noisy zeal that seeketh the praise of men. A young divine, who was much given to enthusiastic cant, one day said to him—" Do you suppose you have any religion ?" —" None to speak of," was the excellent reply. , A CONTEMPORARY , describing a dance at a country village in his neighbourhood, says—" The gorgeous strings of glass beads glistened on the heaving bosoms of the village belles, like polished rubies resting on the surface of warm apple dumplings." Did you ever ?—Evansville Journal. " SWEET are the uses of adversity." A depression of exter nal circumstances, if you care to look upwards, is like a de scent into a coal-pit—you may see the heavenly stars shining in the day-time. But most people can wait till night for that spectacle, and prefer the upper earth and sunshine. DID men take as much care to mend as they do to conceal their failing, they would both spare themselves that trouble which dissimulation put them to, and gain over and above the commendations they aspire to by their seeming virtues. ONE can never be the judge of another's grief. That which is sorrow to one to another is joy. Let us not dispute with anyone concerning the reality of their sufferings; it is with sorrows as with countries—each man has his own !—Chateau briand. ADVERSITY exasperates fools, dejects cowards, draws out the faculties of the wise and ingenious, puts the modest to the necessity of trying their skill, awes the opulent, and makes the idle industrious. Much may be said in favour of adversity, but the worst of it is it has no friends. THE following reply to that everlasting inquiry, "How do you do ?" was made by an original the other day—" Rather slim, thank'e, I've got the rheumatism in one leg, and a white swellin' on t'other knee, besides havin' a leetle touch on the dysentery—and aint very well myself neither !" ONE prefers the conversation of the dullest man to the perusal of the cleverest book ; with another the preference is exactly the reverse. Much depends on thickness and thin ness of skin. The dull man may " hurt your feelings," not so the book. And yet many books, with their monitions, ex amples, and reproaches, ought to be perpetually insulting their readers. TEARS AND LAUGHTER.—God made both tears and laughter, and both for kind purposes ; for as laughter enables mirth and surprise to breathe freely, so tears enable sorrow to vent itself patiently. Tears hinder sorrow from becoming despair and madness ; and laughter is one of the very privileges of reason, being confined to the human species.—Leigh Hunt. " How many genders are there ?" asked a schoolmaster. " Three, sir," promptly replied little blue eyes—" masculine, feminine, and neuter." "Pray give me an example of each," said the master. " Why, you are masculine, because you are ‘ a man ; and lam feminine, because lam a girl." ` Very well—proceed." "I don't know," said the little girl, "but I reckon Mr. Jenkins is a neuter, as he's an old bachelor." A COLD.—" Do you know what it is," says Lamb, " to succumb under an insurmountable day-mare ?—an indisposi tion to do anything, or to be anything—a total deadness and distaste—a suspension of vitality—an indifference to locality —a numb, soporifical good-for-nothingness —an ossification all over—an oyster-like indifference to passing events—a mind stupor—a brawny defiance to the needles of a thrusting-in conscience—with A total irresolution to submit to water-gruel processes ?" ,Y AN Intsum&N, who kept a beershop.llelfoisof closure for cattle, was summoned to tll . _ d ! , :: having on his sign, " Beer sold by the ; Pt: your beer by the pound, sir," said theJaua'd o , not, sir," said Pat.—" Then how do Yen well, I thank you, sir," he replied. N g v ua ord ge `: fa T st h " e the nt la E n immoveable and the ice disappeared fory; when , it was loose. A clock is called fast time ; but a man is told to stand fast they remain stationary. People fast when % r ola eat ; and eat fast, consequently, when ° P P to a slc ispaeslagwrareaet ;,r A FABLE.—" I have something lnere_i; young eagle to a learned melancholy 0"., is a bird named Merops, who, when he with his tail upwards, his head towards true ?" " Certainly not !" answered h, foolish tradition of man. He is hint would fly to heaven without a moment lor aso n fas tra tr a i ic e tion INFLUENCE OP WOMAN.—Man is but ' a., out the attrition received from contact Ma it is wonderful how the ladies Pullli ce , o ver smoothness which occasions him to roh the rest of his species, jostling but not ' bours, as the waves of circumstances b! with them.—Capt. Marryat. MILES OF CLOTHING.—Mr. Ewbank, nical essays, thus speaks of the miles o f says :—" In winter a lady is enwraps' of thread ; she throws over her shor in a shawl. A gentleman winds re . miles around his neck, and uses four 101 A kerchief. At night he throws off his„ e fi dt o himself like a larva in four or fiv e I " o f volved filaments." A i Lit!! was ma BARON DROIIET, who de -- in e• e d o France after the Revolution, was as silii s public enjoyment, and he received no l i e s i oi tions in one day. He wrote to theni day and hour for seeing them. The aPP",:lece' same day—the ante-chambers, stePs , n n ;roo filled—every man was astonished. interview with them, and told them P . ., e d if offer them—that place was his own, o f have it he was welcome. • MANNERS.—" Manners," says Brirl' e ',,t l3/e 'rbet e ' ante than laws. Upon them, in a gr—soli depend. The law teaches us but hell ie ; ' then; manners are what vex or s on ' by a' exalt or debase barbarise or refine uniform, insensible operation, like thsu, i c ola' in. They give their whole form , 1 1" According to their quality, they „a l ' them, or they totally destroy them. A REMARKABLE MAN AND A rts: u4 : There is now in Toledo a man mea surm in inches, and weighing 3141b5. His famil d Y t ir ee sist of his parents, three brothers an average height is nearly 7 feet :—Fa the fA, mother, 49, 6ft. 2in.; oldest brother, . brother, 20, 6ft. 31in.; third brother,lniii! sister, 28, 6ft. Bin.; second sister, 18, 4' 16, 6ft. 4in. ; himself, 30, 7ft. 4in. ro tell, e si " COME here, Pat, you truant, and school so late this morning," said alding ragged and shoeless urchin, whose "q dertaken, for a penny a week, to readYteacil., " Please your honour,' rep li e d the e yet: frost made the way so slippery, that for s ee, took two steps backward."—" Don't You rite have reached school at all ?"--- a 'just what n d so I ti rejoinder of the pedagogue, " that at thiatti your honour," replied the boy', 1." and after a time I found myself at schoo ROUGH AND READY. —Boger Sherm.,ll wereopposed to each other as advne 3tes before a court of j us tice. Smith OP elllO violent tirade against Sherman's political , rose, and very composedly remarked r"" politics with Mr. Smith before the willing to argue questions of law, to split hairs with him." " Split that thet l, ,, same time pulling a short rough-looki l4 o. head, and handing it over towards SherlllB,o, the honourable court," retorted Sh e ' bristle." . to for ErieA RAILWAY s.foun P d As h s i Ez s G el E f it ch st a -o r p g p e i d lib a - . 3o . uro b ar' r " A dollar," responded the eating:nix/a one you only charged fifty cents a me a l Y° 11 ! true," said the landlord, "but I ble leas since it occupies a seat." (The tou t the Llll crowded.) Our friend expostulated, i ., f o rth. d and the dollar was reluctantly brougw' fos e, 0 11 t passed on. Our friend deliberatelcoursed carpet-bag, full to its wide mouth, d u al " Carpet-bag, it seems you're an for Y O. dual, since you eat—at least I've must eat,"—upon which he seized e,.. v „ e ' an , his reach—nuts, raisins, apples, ea",.`"At t the roar of the bystanders, the dei l r'io sengers, and the utter discomfiture 0 tically went and took his seat in the provisions enough to last him to New supply had been served out in the eight dollars' worth in the bags lARD. • ihop near a .r,.. 1 , [JULY Si; to the Esels'.. t ~ ..) 4e pound, „d° ') le judge-- ,0, lo you de, sir' 4 sluffhoastreranttditiictecatcoioso.tinieistsaesr9si:, : tt , i4,11:154: fast wawa & , ,4% , Igo • 41Li'tt len WY li' ve , 4,1, n opportuiliti,o7 kt , more to aslc . 5 „ , amp A •-,, oly OW!, . 0 t i l l ~ k ul he rise° a pt .1 •p, wards the c1.°00,„ .tatl ed the or 41,00 ~,, I t 41 , 1• , himself a eight LI r.t: eut losing db# littr' 5 bat a tIP e. „act ivitlitlle oil ,bib; Lniiee a °ao a"; t' E N S i 111)(1 brinyl4°l lel hin t tr ofd-; e bank, in once ff,jot N es of clef"; 1,0t?l:4to PNE, pa rapped itt; P r s pi fU ,, gliders tlareegttfoiN Iv 3 betiree% 51071 b „Ae , ti tar Inar.e,' 4, 0 ,,,,, of n.,,,,, 14 ~ievlie:ll iiioefitittie,Tar 0 : 1 ; 11 I,(vsotilkeei)7op4,4,, assail, itio" 0 ~,00 . o,z no lag s al it]; V k, ,a „iio ~, . ' PO° ri" vllo'i ie `, .. a d e ve .. t °l3ol' )V)a' 14, hl4 , 13 1,,0d O l t e At, nhe , t -tt , on' c''l it fa, u, 511"- ore ill/ 1011 "g t cr °e the 445;94 arke , 4 0041 04* a g ov a t beL , or t, here 811 ara t t s :aid that ri a l stl e)0 : c f ; 00::,...boltliftt:1°.:01.. s t 4? ,L,:til' f pi 4 80 1( : El f a aca :S n :til l I: hdi r I 1 l':e:rt,giis:loo::egi ,e:io : i t g; 500 i t !t,f.lr:i t , i t;.1,4 ~ , t i i t j t ,( LS, tile7f r, t. 61-1" 1 6 9 ~,.' / k,:tt,t N, d tell ale WlDV4il,t'ikt, ..irisii_cje,„„,, ~,,,,,,,,, ,"yoiiv.iiowto.,,,r. N teach . 1 _A gr i Oth, o ttev reudY . tef ) , , f# t for eve*, ro,A ~i i't you se''.e or A t, t that rate ! titt tr „ j til ° of Via t what t v,, ad so I tura 1:1 chool." a rete,;t, tql aierman altaproLO kteti:! :ales la Ix A ti . • , ~y opened o'cter:,,i Zi74 Liticalcllg4 , a ' l l ced :--- ,'„e 1° o f efe, b e court, "pgie'4ll, `-'4 , to rfi°,lloia 51'0105 ~1 then, Ot , i t ° l it ''''[.) Lookiog , niati le 3hersaa'" "1 • t/i, Sherra'y' 1 ,0 t 4 i et , ~,,A t he iii,a ' gto u . "'" t for - 1 do ll d ol l a r,', a . a :, , a au -- 1 fur __ehecarpet I,c punt Yon:far ?, t Able wa- pra but the lat' oie Lght forth..a 0 li scow:,,,,l ot e liL, , k .. mie.p.4 t , , lit : livid 1-0,, N paid for "(,011,,,tata11., 1/44% ererythiur eiPO5,4 1‘1„ Lke, aq r i is eli t `qa elighr atorlfripi f the 1 0 go - e t ?f , A the cars. _adrAr :, thi uv Yorkii:t'i A : . 'q :4 ' . C3r6. ~ Y ''.l:kb,,