The Liverpool Standard and General Commercial Advertiser. — Liverpool, Merseyside, England, 1855-09-04 00:00:00

SUPPLEMENT TO THE LIVERPOOL STANDARD CANDOUR.---A scholar, a little boy in the Cambrian Institution for the deaf and dumb, on being asked a question which he was not prepared to answer, thought for a minute, then wrote on his slate, " Short of infor mation on the subject." DISAPPOINTED HUSBAND.---A premium was lately offered by an agricultural society for the best mode of irrigation, and the latter word, by a mistake of the printer having been changed to irritation, a farmer sent his wife to gain the prize. IDLERS.---Sicily is a paradise for monks, nuns, and nobles. As to the monks, a late account gave the amount of these idlers in the hive of creation at 28,000, whilst the nuns figured for 18,000. In Sicily there are 127 princes ! 78 dukes, 140 marquises, and no man of the herald office has ever attempted to number the counts, barons, or chevaliers; they would be more numerous than the monks, and almost as idle.---My Travels, by Capt. Chamier. AN OLD LADY, possessed of a fine fortune, and noted for he penchant for the use of figurative expressions, one day assembled her grandchildren, when the fol lowing conversation took place :---" My children," said the old lady, " I am the root and you are the branches." " Grandma," says one. " What, my child ?" " I was thinking how much better the branches would flourish if the root was under the ground." DRUGGIST'S CIGARS.---The following occurred in a country druggist's shop, where cigars and other nauseous substances are sold. A person having pur chased some Havanas, commenced smoking one of them, when his eyes caught a notice, "No smoking allowed in this shop." " Well !" he exclaimed, " that is a pretty joke ; you sell a chap cigars, and then won't let him smoke them !" " Yes," replied the druggist, " and I sell emetics too, but I don't intend to have them taken here." ONE WAY OF " POPPING THE QUESTION.", '---The Springfield (U.S.) .Republican tells the following story :---A bachelor, too poor to get married, yet too susceptible to let the girls alone, was riding with a lady " all of a summer's day," and accidentally--- (men's arms, awkward things, are ever in the way!)--- dropped an arm round her waist. No objection was made for awhile, and the arm gradually relieved the side of the carriage from the pressure upon it. But of a sudden, whether from a late recognition of the impro priety of the thing, or the sight of another beau com ing, never was known : the lady started with volcanic energy, and with a flashing eye exclaimed, " Mr. B. I can support myself!" " Capital!" was the instant re ply, "you ars just the girl I have been looking for these five years---will you marry me ?" A LONDON ADVERTISEMENT.---The following ad vertisement appears in the London newspapers. It is unique, and we commend it to similar advertisers in this county :---" Wanted by a young lady, aged nine teen, of pleasant countenance, good figure, agreeable manners, general information, and varied accomplish ments, who have studied everything from the creation to a crotchet, a situation in the family of a gentleman. She will take the head of his table, manage his house hold, scold his servants, nurse his babies (when they arrive), check.his tradesmen's bills, accompany him to the theatre, or in walking or riding, cut the leaves of his new books, sew on his buttons, warm his slippers, and generally make his miserable life happy. Apply in the first place by letter, to Louisa Caroline, Lindon grove, and afterwards to papa, on the premises. Wed ding ring, No. 4, small. No Irish need apply."--- Coventry Herald. DIVERSITY OF JUDGMENT is a natural consequence from human imperfections, which cleave to believers as well as others ; and since our capacities, means of in formation, and diligence, besides many other things, which have an influence on the understanding, are so unequal, is it ever to be expected we shall perfectly agree in our opinions ?—Rev. .Abernethy. FLowmts.--Why is it the love of flowers takes such deep hold of the heart ? Why, because they are the emblems of love. Show me one who does not feel his own heart expand as he watches the expanding beauties of some delicate flower, and you will show me one who knows nothing of that pure and perfect affection of the heart which binds the human family together. Teach your children to love and cultivate flowers. A DEBT OF HONOUR. —ln Mr. Fox's frolicsome days, a tradesman, who held his bill for £2OO, called for payment. Charles said he could not then pay him. " How can that be ?" said the creditor ; " you have just now lying before you bank notes to a large of business, they will indulge in such a spirit, and as sume such an air, as to make the intercourse cold, formal, and repulsive. A sad mistake in every point of view. All of us are more or less dependent on civility. It softens and sweetens the intercourse between man and man—it breaks down barriers and impediments that would otherwise exist—it appeals to the higher and more refined qualities of our nature, and it bespeaks not only intelligence and polish, but clearness of head and goodness of heart. A man of the world, one who has travelled, or enjoyed the advantages of a thorough education, and especially a gentleman, is rarely uncivil. To be so, is to be rude, discourteous, and insulting. Nothing, indeed, is more agreeable, nothing more fascinating, and nothing better calcu lated to secure an easy path in life or society, whether in the social or in the business world, than unwavering civility. It touches many a heart, it impresses many a mind, it removes many an obstacle ; and, while it is calculated to gratify thousands, it can offend no one. The man of finished manners, and elegant taste, or cultivated mind and gentlemanly instincts, is civil, not only to the millionaire, the banker, and the merchant, but to the mechanic and the day labourer, and even the beggar who knoks at his door. He respects him self, and hence he respects the feelings of others. He looks for kindness and goodwill at the hands of his fellow-creatures, and he manifests these qualities him self. He may have his errors and infirmities, his pre judices and his passions, his follies and his excitements ; but, at all times and occasions, his language and his manners are civil, or if having unwittingly committed an offence against propriety, he is the first to make the amende honorable. Civility is not only one of the virtues, but it is one of the essentials of social and civilised life. It cannot be cultivated too sedulously. We should, as much as possible, endeavour to engraft its spirit upo n th e young, and thus render it a feature and an embellishment of character. The effect cannot but be salutary. If this quality be calculated to adorn and dignify age, what a grace and polish it will impart to the Ingenuousness of youth ! It at once softens and refines, elevates and beautifies. Often, too, it opens the road to prosperity, and leads the way to conquest and power. With the sterner sex it has a magic and a charm, and with the gentler it is almost irresistible. VARIETIES. THE militia is the main-stay-at-home of the country Mits. PARTINGTON has bought a horse so spirituous that he always goes off in a decanter. WHY are ships the most polite things in the world ? —Because they have always a bow. JOHN LOCKE.—A fine, satisfactory sort of a fellow, but very long-winded.—Sydney Smith A NICE PAIR.—The buoy at the Nore and the Cove of Cork out on the spree.—Pnnehinello. HAPPINESS can be made quite as well of cheap materials as of dear ones. THE man who does most has the least time to talk about what he does. ONE thing I know, and that is, the experience of this world and of all who have lived in it is, that they have tried for happiness here, and have failed.---Luther. A KIND neighbour is not one who does half-a-dozen great favours in as many years, but the doer of little every-day kindnesses. THE IMPROVIDENT BAKER.—Why is a baker a most improvident man P—Because he is always selling what he kneads himself. THE CHALK OF TlME.—White hair is the chalk with which Time keeps its score,—three or four score, as the case may be,---on a man's head. TRUTH.---Men miss truth more often from their indifference about it than from intellectual capacity.— Whately. Noes happiness springs mainly from moderate troubles which afford the mind a healthful stimulus, and are followed by a reaction which produces a cheerful flow of spirits. A QUIET exposition of truth has a better effect than a violent attack on error. Truth extirpates error as grass extirpates weeds by working its way into their place, and leaving them no room to grow. A PRECOCIOUS INFANT...." Did any of you ever see an elephant's skin ?" asked the master of an infant school in a fast neighbourhood. " I have !" shouted a six-year -old at the foot of the class. " Where ?" in quired Old Spectacles, amused by his earnestness. On the elephant ;" was the reply. --------- for? amount." " These," replied Mr. Fox, ~ ar e 0 ing debts of honour." Th e tradesman i r m,-, 111 ( 1 I threw his bill into the fire. " Now, s. 7, 08 " mine is a debt of honour which I can't oblige. pay" Charles immediately paid. 0 1 0,5 e111 ' 1 ,4 THE OBSERVANCE OF SUNDAT.--Its should not be a penance, but a privilege. It 1,5 . ' 1 :0 not an exaction. It is an island struck off the continent of eternity, lying green, frag i ran ; o oo beautiful amid the rushing currents ant' 0; cataracts of time, standing on which we ca n ., OP, glimpse of the better land, and hear u nspent _ l , l , f transit the songs of Heaven. It is physic!„o morally essential to man. Night rest is esselit man as a mere animal ; Sabbath rest is ess el/ of man as an intellectual and moral being.---nr. -Ai ming. the A a G tt : n o da D n ß t E s P o ß f o D oF iv .— in l e t w ha o d rs b h e i east churches of America, for some of the 5t flatten out pewter buttons, and pass th e i Tf e ltit. contribution box. The old dominie at lengt° duty, in justice to his pocket, to check the o Alt ' evil. "My dear friends," said he, in the habit of flattening the eyes of Ine t f t helfd and contributing thereof to the treasury 0 ' ftd e I would simply observe, that while the Pr° e 7 peninthoenPeraoeftitee the resemblance to a ten-cent piece it renders them utterly useless as buttons. / THE GREAT DUKE OF Miltrisoßoraille-01 said of that great captain of his a,: ? °*e , L i s ts 6 Marlborough, that when he was in the m" 00E1 life, and very infirm, he would walk fro:A.IOIM rooms in Bath to his lodgings, on a dark , t to save 6d. in chair hire. The Duke left 3 more than a million and a half sterlitto °f a ro his honours, were inherited by a gro'sitor, i 's Trevor, who had been one of his enemies. etor Lowther, after changing a piece of silver 1:1; Coffee-house, and paying twopence for 1 , e 0 5 1 ,1111 coffee, was helped into his chariot (fo r "s,ooe"ao very lame and infirm) and went hoine.g.AorOeoe time after, he returned to the same c e P,tV purpose to acquaint the woman who ker a fed d e' pe t had given him a bad halfpenny, and deto,"„jr. in exchange for it. Sir James had abot t ii',Dte annum, and was at a loss whom to apna . to t yst SUPERNATURAL VISION.---Dr. Scott t l3 , an anecdote of himself about this time, days of wonder and mesmerism, may Pe. - or throw some additional mystery round th e a sle e P, subject of animal magnetism. BeillgApha, 01 9 morning in his cot, he dreamed of aWY " ba t to school with him at the Charter-1 00 ,e00 whom he had never been on very friendlS av o o dream was a vivid one ; and he saw the q a eoio before him, as he had known him at school 7 e be before---a singular circumstance, as, . 411 , 4 (49 school, he had neither seen, heard, nor ty„",10;,,V thing about him. On awaking, he saw features as if watching his sleep, a young l '"\SV, were perfectly unknown to his astonishment when the stranger intri, self as the very boy of whom he had been A ij —Life of Dr. Scott. oe, r , A WOMAN'S HEART.---A woman is I j over the world, whether she speaks Ga e 'ti-14 1 Indian, or Chinese.---There are various °prey her heart, and if you have experience 0 .1 e;s 11"05:01:::" compass which will enable you to steer 1 111 7% :$ the other of them into the inner harbour o• tr, minister used to say that Eve in Hebrew l'a e ittl' A ;s for Providence gave her the power of elial ii . t ,l purpose to take charge of that departil le +h - e 'reP then, you see, is natural to them ; talk l i b o Y r them as they like, and they will soon lii l y if you. If a woman was to put a Bramab ,1 it, heart, a skilful man would find his waS fillet ta° o f wanted to, I knew. That contrivance i 5 s e it, titular word ; find the letters that compos e 4„ opens at once. The moment I heard ~,le i knew I had discovered th e cypher-1 ,":0 V' succeeded. Tell you what, pilot ; love and 'he rtr, at locks, for them that can't be opened ea' l yOli 0 1 The mechanism of the human heart, 0 1°13 icelV roughly understand it, is, like all the othermit ~0 nature, very beautiful, very wonder/1k: 0 111 '.0 simple. When it does not work well t' ae oell' not in the machinery, but in the manfte Sam Slick, [SEPTEMBER 4, 180. _......----•"