The Press. — London, England, 1855-02-24 00:00:00

FEBRUARY 24, 1855. TO THE EARL OF DERBY. Derby !—thy chivalry and manly sense Are England's trust in this her hour of shame, And to her drooping gaze a beacon flame, While jealous factions hold her in suspense And brokers traffic with her ancient fame ; Thou art her refuge from incompetence, From vaunts that dupe, and from intents that veer Ind falter half way to the promised goal; For true thou art as brave,—sagacious—clear, And frank in utterance of thy open soul ; For England, therefore, chafing at her woe, And lest her noble rage escape control, Rally her ranks and launch them on the foe For one retrieving and avenging blow. COMFORTS FOR THE NEWLY-APPOINTED VETERANS. IT is gratifying to find that, while multitudes of merchants, manufac turers, and tradesmen have generously contributed gifts each from his stock to relieve the remains of the army from the sufferings brought on them by Ministerial mismanagement, numerous vendors of patent medicines and mechanical succedanea hays been forward in their patriotic endeavours to obviate the probable results of the appoint ments of venerable individuals lately so lavishly made by the Govern ment. Amongst the gifts volunteered, we understand that the follow ing are conspicuous:— 1. One thousand large boxes of Parr's Life Pills, of that quality securing an average existence of one hundred and fifty years. One box a dose. - -- 2. One — gross of green spectacles, of the kind selected by Moses Primrose, warranted to distinguish a barrel of coffee from a dead horse at Balaklava. - - • _ ---- - 3. The gentleman who cures nervousness volunteers his secret with out the usual number of " postage stamps," stipulating that the same discretion be observed in not making his remedy public property, as has been exhibited in the matter of Mr. Nasmyth's guns. 4. The gentleman who on receipt of postage stamps and the " colour of your hair " volunteered to tell the fortune of the new employes, had his offer, after being sent backwards and forwards to several departments, peremptorily refused, on the ground that the individuals in question invariably wore wigs. THE BLACK REVIVER. LFound under the Treasury Bench, and supposed to have been thrown off by a colleague suddenly startled at a black apparition.] When some gay Viscount, old, but jolly, Thinks that his whiskers look too grey, How to restore his tempts mope, What art can spirit years away? The only way vile dates to cover, To hide the grey from every eye, To look the young and lusty lover Britannia sighs for, is—to dye. OUR PREMIER'S SPEECH. As that youthful monarch put himself at the head of the discomfited rebels, so I, &c. etc.— Lord Pahnerston's Speech, Feb. 16. Ant.—" Guy Fawkes." As Richard sooth'd Wat Tyler's crew (That chief of swarthy smithy-men), So I have settled Roebuck's vote, And silenced his committee men. That is, I would have silenced them, By threats or by " cajoolerie," But Roebuck he was wide awake And wouldn't stand no foolery. Bow, wow, wow, Tol de rol de ridy idy, Bow, wow, wow. Said I, poor Newcastle is shelved, And so is Aberdeen, sirs; We're rid of those two wretched prigs— Those gifted men, I mean, sirs. That is, I should have meant it, sirs, Politeness would dictate it so, But you might think 'twas irony— And flattery they hate it so. Bow, wow, wow, Tol de rol de ridy idy, Bow, wow, wow. And I'm a different style of man From Aberdeen so sinister ; And Lord Panmure you'll all agree Will make a good . War Minister. That is, you would agree to it, Nor ever think to doubt it, sirs, But most of you know pretty well He don't know naught about it, sirs. Bow, wow, wow, Tol de rol de ridy idy, Bow, wow, wow. Like the young monarch I have named, Myself will head your mutiny ; I will redress the nation's wrongs, And yon shall stop this scrutiny. That is, you would do so, and I'd Perform the task you'd set me, sirs, But you know me a deal too well, And ain't a goin to let me, sirs. Bow, wow, wow, Tol de rol do ridy idy, Bow, wow, wow. 185 THE SELF-EXAMINING CABINET. LORD PALMERSTON plan, by which he proposed to avoid the dis agreeables that naturally arise from hostile questioning, gave real satisfaction, it appears, to the Peelites ; and if the Noble Viscount's modest devise had been accepted by the House of Commons, those ex-officials intended to have carried out the arrangement in the fullest and fairest manner. The notion of a Government being the com mittee for inquiry into its own conduct was so ingenious, that Mr. Gladstone applauded it as worthy of himself, while gentle Mr. Herbert thought that the self-examination scheme was so prettily expressive of trust and confidence as to be quite touching. It is understood that these two gentlemen and their colleagues of the Peelite persuasion had a private meeting for rehearsing the investigation which they expected to undergo, and that something of this kind took place : Duke of NEWCASTLE : Well, my Lord Aberdeen and gentlemen, it appears to me that the duty which Parliament has confided to us is one of the gravest description, and one which we are bound to execute with the utmost conscientiousness. I have been lying awake all night thinking how we can best fulfil it. Mr. GLAD3TONE: I conceive that there are three courses open to us. Either each of us can he examined by all the others, or each can ask himself such questions as he may think desirable for the good of the country, or one of us can draw up a statement of the whole conduct of the Coalition in regard to the war, and this we can all sign. I will reserve my opinion as to the most advisable of these courses. Lord ABERDEEN : The last is the least trouble. Sir J. GRAHAM : I prefer the second. One likes to ask questions of one's self, because then one is certain to receive a rational answer, given in the spirit of the inquiry. Ha! ha ! Mr. S. HERBERT : I will do anything that thereat of you think best, but I strongly recommend that our report—ha! ha!—shall be exceed ingly full of details—full to excess. If people are so perilous as to he deterred, by the sight of such a mass of information, from studying it closely and arriving at convictions — Sir J. GRAHAM : A very objectionable word. (Roars of laughter.) Mr. S. HERBERT : We will say conclusions, then. I would observe that the levity and indolence of such people arc to be deplored ; but our ampleness of explanation is not to be blamed. I suppose lam understood ? Sir J. GRAHAM: Here and elsewhere, my dear Sidney. Now, as this is merely a preliminary meeting, and we are not committed to the ultimate adoption of any course we may now select, I would say, let us try all Gladstone's plans in turn. Suppose we put the ex Premier into the box, and interrogate him a little—eh, Aberdeen? Lord ABERDEEN : Ask away. You know my faculty of evading replies. Mr. GLADSTONE : Well, if you call downright rude refusal to answer at all an evasion, yes. Sir J. GRAHAM : There is a nautical story bearing upon the sub ject, which, in the course of my Admiralty experience, I learned — Mr. S. HERBERT : For shame. Besides, we all know it. Mr. GLADSTONE (demurely) : I don't, if it is objectionable. Had we not better proceed with the examination ? Sir J. GRAHAM: Permit me. My Lord Aberdeen, we are desirous to elicit from your Lordship such particulars regarding the expedition to the Crimea as you may think it expedient to favour us with. Lord ABERDEEN : Hardly precise enough, James. Sir J. GRAHAM : Perhaps not. Put it this way, then. Did your Lordship suggest, or approve, the expedition to the Crimea? Lord ABERDEEN : Rather too precise, James. Sir J. GRAHAM . Put the question your own way, then. You see I was right in advocating that plan. Then everybody would please himself. Lord ABERDEEN : No ; that is an innovation on routine, to which we had better adhere. But I will make t he su gg estion to you, that if you were to ask me my opinion as to the manner in which the expedition had been planned and conducted, I might be able to answer you. Sir J. GRAHAM : Well, you are asked that, K.G. THE PRESS.