The Press. — London, England, 1855-09-08 00:00:00

"".• THE PRESS. sss the Patronage of the Directors of the Honourable East India Company. Admission—Boxes. 4s. ; Stalls, 3s. ; Pit, 6d. Members and servants of the H.E I.C. half price. Tortured natives not admitted. PART I. The President's start—Dangers of the deep—Song, " Ye mariners of England "—Trophies of the passage : a basin, a new hat, and umbrella—Song, " Come o'er the sea, Vernon, with me "—Reasons in justification of Mr. Smith's pursuits—Has long pursued the wit of his uncle, but in vain—Song, " Oh, blame not the bard !"—Contributions of the Boulevarts—Mabille. ILLUSTRATION I.—The President's early life and (tuft -)hunting in stincts—Experience of India. ILLUSTRATION IL—Cape Town and Table Bay—Doubts as to their position—Sure it must be either in Europe or A merica—Believes India is somewhat to the east of Gravesend—Song, " How oft has the Brahmin cried." ILLUSTRATION lll.—The it ihl Hog(g) and the Carpenter-Beetle— Social habits of Sir Benjamin Hall—Returns to time question—Diffi culties of the road—Strange language of' the natives—Native female of Boulogne—Struck with the beauty of the exhibitor—Presents her with a franc photograph of himself—Man-eating Lionne. ILLUSTRATION IV.—Difficulties and dangers of getting to the Hotel—Despises an omnibus—Mares' nests—lnforms driver of his dignities—Song, "Drin, drin." ILLUSTRATION V —Place Vendome—Exhibitor ascends the pillar — Napoleon a great man Ditto Smith Diffieulties of ascent Tight boots—Straps—Flight of buttons—ls abashed—Longs for Sir Charles Wood—Song, " Should auld acquaintance be forgot ; " Encore, " I'd be a Baronet! "—Descent of pillar—Asphalte—A pun : If you ask for a saucer of ice they bring you a glass. (A necessary interval after this.)—MUSIC. PART 11. - ILLUSTRATION Vl.—Palais Royal—Historical allusions—Not happy —Lord John Russell, Louis XIV., and Dunkirk—Could equq,l that — Louis XIV. a great man—Ditto Smith—Sends for a valet-de -place — Subjects him to competitive examination—Can he speak English— No—Number of marks—Nil—Won't do for Smith—Song, "Monsieur Nongtongpaw ;" Encore, " Out o' the way ole Dan Tucker." ILLUSTRATION Vll.—Salle Valentino—Exhibitor launches into Parisian society—lndulges in the pleasures of the dane,e—Canctin— Admiration excited by his execution of that difficult pas—" Song, "Faut s'amuser danser et rire,"—lnterference of the police—Exhilara tion of Smith—Longs for Sir Charles Wood—Where is Molesworth ? How is Hall?—Song, " Les etudiants." ILLUSTRATION VlM—Champs Elysies—Children and their nurses —Smith's ravages among the natives—Beauty of scenery—La vile de Paris vaut bien une messe—Henri IV. a great man—Ditto Smith — Song, "Le Rol Dagobert"—Seeks society—Lions in private life— Introduction to a party of lions at midnight—Talks French—Wishes Wood were there to hear him—A double-barrelled pun: I would that. Wood were here to hear me. (Necessary interval after this.)—Muslc. PART 111.- • -- - _ ILLUSTRATION TX —Smith in full uniform—Song, " Love's Young Dream."—Smith longs for home and the Bath—No ribbon for his noble chest, not even for his button-hole—Smith's position worse than the policeman's—Song, " 'Twas by one of those dreams that by music are brought." ILLUSTRATION X.—Cafe de Paris—Melancholy of Smith—Decorated policeman—Song, " We'll drown it in the bowl "—ldea wonderful — Can Privy Councillors wear a ribbon ?—Why not?—At Paris? —Who can tell ?—lnvests in ribbon—Beautiful—Yellow and white—lnvests himself with investment—Appearance of decorated policeman—Policeman eclipsed—Policeman's song, " Follow me, follow me"—Arrest of Smith—Charge—Wearing false decorations — Triumph of policeman—lnterference of Memice—Meurice an agreeable man—Ditto Smith—Departure—Song, "We may roam through this world "—Return home—Britannia's welcome—Song, " Come, rest in this bosom, my own stricken deer ! " (CONCLUSION.) Q. A BALTIC BALLAD. AIR.—" A fox went out one starlight night." Sir James and Sir Charles have a deadly strife ; They've both loved squabbling all their life, And now they're fighting to the knife, And picking a very pretty bone oh! bone oh! * 4- * * * * Quoth James, "You say you've lots of pluck, So prithee go and run a muck In the Baltic Sea, and, if you've luck, You'll batter down the Russian walls of stone oh! stone oh !" So first they had a jovial night, And Charlie swore with fierce delight No admiral his ship could fight As he would fight hie own oh! own oh ! He signall'd to each gallant crew— " My Inds," quoth he, " there's lots to do, So keep stout hearts, be staunch and true, tillarf94 eit9 l 4 citt4§§ cut the hone oh ! 0449 " - SATURDAY, But when he comes before the walls He swore to smash with cannon balls, There's something strange Sir Charles appals, And quoth he " Lads, the besieging we'll postpone oh ! —pone oh !" Each captain heard with angry frown His hopes of glory thus dashed down ; And Jack, who saw himself done brown, Swore an oath he'd much better left alone oh ! alone oh 1 When Charlie stood upon this tack We folks ashore agreed with Jack— " An English Admiral turn back ! Oh, Charlie, in our annals you're alone oh ! alone oh !" But Charlie, vex'd—as well might be— Says. " Zounds, the fault don't rest with me, As I'll take care you all shall see, For I'll publish all the letters of Jem's own oh ! own oh !" Says be, " If gun-boats I had got, You know I'd rather have been shot, And with my ship have gone to pot, Than my stern to the Russians I'd have shown oh! shown oh ! " A Napier run from shot or 8411! The things a—what you know full well, As your despatches plainly tell, And your conduct is the meanest ever known oh! known oh !" Meanwhile, we're all the more perplext, At Charlie's conduct much we're vent ; But till we see what Jem says next, Our judgment in the matter we'll postpone oh! —pone oh ! THE RADICAL PARTY. Like ices swallowed very slow, Like last year's crop of Hampstead snow, Like half the business of the nation, Like Irish Tenants' Compensation, Like monster meetings for Repeal, Like poor Lord John, or poor Tom Steele, Or anything, or anyone, That's melted off, and dead, and none, Is that great party, which no gold ' Has ever bought or ever sold ; Which never hoped, or never sought, To grasp the reins it never caught ; Which never dealt in party cries, In vulgar slanders, or in lies; Which never showed its honest face,. On private nights, at Chesham-place ; Or never hatched a plot with those It found, too late, its bitter foes. . None of its leaders knew the way To cringe, to fawn, or to betray : Sir W—l—m M—ls—rth was too nice A man to play with loaded dice ; And tho' some friends were shouting shame, Yet no one played a fairer game ! Not e'en the two-edged' Galway blade, With bills dishonoured, debts unpaid ; Nor even he, who, by himself, Was gently placed upon the shelf (For S—dl—r, the story goes, Could have remained in, if he chose). The same amount of truth in all To rise or sink, to stand or fall ; The same amount of artless guile In leaders as in rank and file ; In fact, 'tis very hard to strike A balance where they're all alike. To say, each had an equal share Of virtues, then, is only fair; Yet all its virtues could not save This noble party from the grave. Dissension shot the poisoned dart Which touched the blood within its heart ; And then, alas 1 with frenzy fired, It cut its throat, and so expired! In dying thus, it left no friend Whose gen'rous pen its faults defend. Ah, no! far different is its doom, ror this was traced upon its tomb : " Beneath this slab a body lies Whose only guides were party-cries ; Whate'er was Tory 'twould oppose, Whoe'er were Tories were its foes. And thus it lost its life and fame, b4a417 otTiMas a 4 a now," 'V