The Press. — London, England, 1855-07-21 00:00:00

JULY 21, 1855. THE PRESS. THE PREMIER'S FLEDGE. lam quite ready to yield my position if there are men more capable. But till that is shown, and I confess that conviction bee not yet come to my miud—(4tughter)—we shall Dud it our duty, dc. ttc.—Lord Palmerston, July 19th. Till you find a smart Orator, gifted with skill " To wield the fierce democrats " here, " at his will," Who can bluster and bawl, when such tactics are best, But prefers to accomplish his end with a jest, And whose name is convertible diction for " Face," I shall do my endeavour to stick to my place. Till you find an Old Gentleman, badgerly grey, Who's rebuked for his levity, day after day, Yet, unable to check his affection for " chaff," Is perpetually setting his traps for a laugh, And angles for jokes like a cockney for dace, I shall do my endeavour to stick to my place. Till you find a Divine who confounds wheat with tares, Who revises, off-hand, all your creeds and your prayers, While " truths." both " divine " and discovered, are flung " Amended "—or altered at least—" from his tongue," And who whips up Religion to Intellect's pace, I shall do my endeavour to stick to my place. Till you find a Reformer, who, loud in his pledge, Is skilled from improvement to take off the edge, And, raising a lather of very soft soap, Keeps faith to the ear while he baffles the hope, And affects to run fair, though he's selling the race, I shall do my endeavour to stick to my place. Till you find a bold Liberal who's preached to the nation Of aristocratical pride and dictation, Yet, snapping engagements, like Samson his cords, Constructs his own Cabinet solely of Lords (A party, where loving relations embrace), I shall do my endeavour to stick to my place. Till you find a Diplomatist, quick at a taunt, And almost unrivalled at swagger and vaunt, Yet used, when combining with men of more force, And baffled, when seeking a separate course, Who will play the deuce when he should play the ace, I shall do my endeavour to stick to my place. Till you find a Prime Minister, brisk as a bee, Who " managed " his way to the top of the tree, And still (like another gay creature we know) The higher he climbs, the less graceful the show ; Till, in short, of remarkable birds there's a brace, This bird is determined to stick to his place. TO THE AUTHOR OF "WHOM SHALL WE HAN G?" Whom shall we bang ? Newcastle ? Aberdeen ? They're hung for ever on the shelf, 1 ween. Whom shall we hang? Lord John, whom none defends? No, leave him to the mercy of his friends. Shell we hang Palmerston? or shall we save Thet witless Falstaff for a peaceful grave? Shall we hang gentle Herbert? On my word His hangers-on are better worth a cord! Whom shall we hang? The rogue must not escape. Shall we hang Frederick Peel in new red tape? Shall we hang—Bah ! you wretched, twaddling elf, To and your queries—why not hang yourself ? IN ATTORNEY IN PARLIAMENT. THE foihwing paragraphs from the special plea put in, upon Thursday night, by the prinopal legal adviser of the Government, escaped the reporters, and have been since suppled. They so strikingly resemble the remainder of the address in spirit and planter that there can be no doubt of their authenticity. The ATTORNEY-GENERAL (in continuation): And now, Sir, having pleadedestoppel, as a reason why no proceedings should be instituted against ny clients, her Majesty's Government, iu respect to the mis managenent of the Russian war, it becomes my duty to plead the Statute of Limitations, or Lamentations, as it is facetiously called. Hon. members may object that this statute only applies to cases where there has been a neglect to sue for seven years; and so it does. But if the plaintiff Roebuck has no right to bring his action now ) or at all, pendente lite in the Crimea, and as it is manifest that the siege of Sebastopol will occupy at least seven years, two of which have expired, I am entitled to plead by surrebutter, replevin, and quare impedit. But, Sir, I have another plea. I plead the Statute of Frauds. By this statute it is enacted that bargains and contracts shall be made in writing. I ask, Sir, have my clients, or any of them, ever contracted in writing to carry on the war properly ? If they have, let the plaintiff produce the document, or, if destroyed (I saw him tearing something on Monday), secondary evidence thereof, or of the contents thereof. And I give him notice, Sir, that if it be a contract, it must bear a stamp, and I shall object to its being received unless the proper amount of duty has been paid. Then, Sir, I have a further plea. I plead the Statue of Mortmain. The object of the motion professes to be con nected with the acts of the army that perished in the Crimea. Tho . se acts are of no avail unless duly registered three months before the decease of the army, and therefore the Statute of Mortmain evidently applies. But I have other pleas, Sir, in bar of this motion ; and I charge the plaintiff Roebuck with being a barrator, an interloper, an intermeddler, one who thrusts himself into a cause, and seeks to excite litigation Let him beware, Sir, unless he can show that he has such an interest in this case as entitles him to proceed, that he is next of kin, or executor, administrator, or assign, of some one who has suffered in the Crimea. Again, Sir, I find a fatal flaw in the way these proceedings were commenced. There is not the least proof that my clients have been duly served with process. It may be contended that their appearance here cures this defect but this is not so. They are present on her Majesty's business, and are so far privileged, and I am by no means sure that the plaintiff, in thus taking advantage of their presence, is not committing high treason, Uze majesti, and an indictable nuisance. And now, Sir, a great deal has been said about General This and General That, and General T'other, but I have heard no allusion to another General, whom it will be my duty to bring into the field, and who will, I have reason to think, put the plaintiff to the most utter and disgraceful rout. The General I allude to, Sir, is the General Issue, which I now beg to plead, and which will effectually put the plaintiff clean out of Court. And now, Gentlemen of the Jury—l mean Sir, I proceed, &c. " KEEP THE CONSERVATIVES OUT." The Queen and the Constitution (We've cobbled its many flaws), The glorious Revolution, The Church and our ancient laws, • We'll either attack or defend. On both sides we're ready to shout, Provided we gain our end— To keep the Conservatives out. A few years ago we vowed To trample corruption down ; Of the People we prattled loud, Talked flippantly of the Crown ; Rebellion and discontent To foster we went about— But, hang it ! we only meant To turn the Conservatives out. At length we gained our ends, And sat on the Treasury Row, But our quondam Radical friends Each session would colder grow . They said we had burked Reform, They talked of distrust and doubt,' Quoth we, " Why on earth this storm When we've got the Conservatives out ?" Into war we were forced to drift Against our own dear will° 'Tin known how we then made shift To swallow the nauseous pill. We bungled, every one, And feared a tremendous rout, For when work's to be reply done You can't keep the Conservatives out. . Our Nestor, ce vieux Marquis, To our present Premier sent : " With Lord Derby if you agree, And act as he thinks you meant, You'll form a Government strong, And able its foes to flout, But for ever and ever so long You'll keep the Whig Family out."* Don't talk of Honour and Fame — Bah, what are they to us Whigs ? You really might just the same Throw pearls to Giles Scroggins' pigs. If the Monarchy topples down We'll do very well without— We only support the Crown Just to keep the Conservatives out. • We have reasot, to believe that a Lord Palmerston really posed. to this effect from Lord I ansdown• to