The Press. — London, England, 1855-12-29 00:00:00

.M~) THE PRESS. DECEMBER 29, 1855. PRINCIPAL EVENTS OF THE PAST YEAR. JANUARY. 9th.--Parliament being about to meet, the Aberdeen Cabinet con siders the excuses it will offer for having sacrificed an English army for want of common foresight and prudence. Lord John Russell undertakes to make it all right. 12th.—Mr. Sidney Herbert directs, with his own hand, several pots of marmalade for the Crimea. 14th.—Lord Aberdeen begins to think that the country is in earnest in its indignation at the fate of the army, and he evinces nervousness when Tower-hill is alluded to. 17th.—The Duke of Newcastle, with his own hand, packs pickles for the Crimea, and goes with them to the booking-office. 25th.—Parliament meets, and Lord John Russell makes it all right by running away before the fire begins. Between this time and the catastrophe various explanations on the part of the Coalition Ministry as to their reasons for destroying 40,000 of our soldiers, but the reasons are not considered so satisfactory as, from their variety, they might have been expected to prove. The Duke of Newcastle cries in the Lords, and sends out more pickles. 1241 14th.—Parliament is prorogued, and the Ministers go in pro cession to their different churches, chapels, and conventioles, to express their gratitude at being now safe in their places until February next. SEPTEMBER. llth.—We learn that a teriible rebellion has arisen among some of Mr. Vernon Smith's Indian subjects, and he asks Lord Palmerston to send him out as Dictator, to put down the revolt; but the Premier advises him to be a Dictator at home, and dictate a remonstrance, which he does accordingly. _ OCTOBER. Lord Palmerston delivers a terrific speech out of a phaeton, and so terrifies the Emperor of Russia that he hastens down to Odessa to see with his own eyes whether the furious Minister has not annihilated it; but it is discovered to have escaped this time. NOVEMBER. Lord Palmerston tries a very artful dodge for strengthening his Ministry, but somehow it fails, and Mr. Labouchere, to his excessive astonishment, finds himself Colonial Secretary. He relieves himself of such astonishment in a speech of two hours, addressed to the meg- Bermer who brought him his appointment, and the consequence is that the poor man is discharged for alleged loitering. Lord Palmerston fails, also, in getting up a war with America. FEBRUARY. The Aberdeen Cabinet falls, on principle, and is reconstructed out of the same materials, with a few unimportant exceptions. 9th.—Houses adjourn that the new Premier may dye his whiskers and get re-elected, both of which feats he performs with success. 14th.—Lord Aberdeen receives the Order of the Garter for his brilliant defeat of the British army. 17th.—Houses reassemble, and it is found that Lord John Russell has once more made it all right by hurrying to Vienna, with nineteen nurses and seventeen babies, to insist upon Sebastopol being destroyed. 20th.—Lord Palmerston and his colleagues having previously resigned, because they could not yield to Mr. Roebuck's motion, they naturally determine to assent to the same, now they have again taken office. _ _ 22nd.—Lord Palmerston makes his first and only appearance as King Richard 11., and calls the Parliament " rebels." 23rd.—The Peelites explain that really they cannot act under him. 24th.—Lord Palmerston reforms the army, by appointing Lord Panmure to do, by himself, what the Duke of Newcastle and Mr. Herbert could not do together. MARCH. The next Coalition is completed, and at the news that Sir Charles Wood is to have the Admiralty the people illuminate all over the country. Bth.—Lord Palmerston reforms the Marriage Law, by announcing that the moral sense of the country is in favour of marrying your wife's sister. 11th.—Lord John Russell, being in Vienna, buys a French voca bulary, and gets up his verbs. 14th —The Sebastopol Committee consider how, if the late Coali tion be executed on To'Over-hill for destroying the army, it will effect the present Coalition, and decide that it would be awkward for the latter. 19th to 27th.—Lord John Russell masters avoir and etre. APRIL. Lord John Russell, having perfected himself in the French lan guage, lays his views before the Congress, but, owing to his want of familiarity with the new accomplishment, contrives to reverse all he has said at home. sth.—Easter holidays, after which Lord John Russell hurries home, and is dreadfully abused by his colleagues. 17th—Sir G. Lewis provides pleasantly for the war, by laying new taxes on income and necessaries. MAY. I ord John Russell takes the government of the Colonies, and, with his usual energy, buys a Pinnock's Catechism, and in four days knows the names of nearly all of them. 24th.—Lord Palmerston assembles his supporters, and intimates to them that he will dissolve, if any of them dare to vote with the Conservatives on the negotiations debate. They are terrified, profess that they never thought of voting with the Conservatives, and by a majority of 100 show their idea of the safety of their seats. JUNE. Administrative Reform is discussed. Lord Palmerston puts up Sir G. Lewis to declare that Government has done all that is safe and necessary ; but, finding which way the wind blows, accepts Sir Milwer Lytton's amendment, which pledged the Government to inquire into the real state of things, and to reform a great deal more. JULY. 6th.—Lord Palmerston cleverly " sells" the Irish Brigade (which he had previously bought), and throws over the Tenant Right Bill. 20th.—Lord John Russell, on account of the unfortunate result of his want of a pure French accent, is obliged to resign, and is supposed by all the world, except himself, to be utterly ruined. The Ministry have a frightfully near thing of it on the Turkish Loan Bill ; but are saved by 3 in a house of 267. AUGUST. 6th.—Mr. Vernon Smith astounds the world with the worst speech on India that has ever been delivered within the memory of man. ~✓ DECEMBER. In order to improve the chances of peace, by putting the Russians in good humour with themselves, Kars is sacrificed; but the Russians ..re still most unreasonably sulky, so Prince Valentine Esterhazy is sent to St. Petersburg to please them with propositions of a highly conciliatory character. 31st. Parliament meeting this day month, the Palmerston Cabinet considers the excuses it will offer for having sacrificed the unexampled opportunities afforded to it, at home and abroad, and the Premier jauntily undertakes to make it all right. A DOUBT. Sequiturque patrem baud passtbas equis.—Virgil. All bluster, brag, awl empty prate, What he's just said unsaying straight; Beating his sire's slow variations By his own whirligig rotations — Not shifting round by slow degrees And taking others in at ease ; Much as a small top does a great one, The present "Bob" outruns the late one. His fervent love of Free " Tirade" In his orations is displayed ; While in some few things he has done, Showing his aptitude to run, We very manifestly see The " Principles of Currency." In short, to take him altogether, Upon the whole we don't know whether As Captain Bobadil to rate him, Or as " Bob "-addle designate him. LITERAL TRUTHS. Tnx following lines which dropped from Lord John Russell's coat-pocket on Boxing-night have been forwarded to us by an in genious and politic gentleman, under the persuasion that they veiled some mysterious Cabinet secrets. Our own opinion is that either the Woburn-house party had been acting charades, or (what is, perhaps, most probable) that the production is nothing more than a pronouncing-exercise prepared by the French master whom we are glad to learn that the noble ex-Plenipotentiary has at length consented to engage. However, the public may judge for itself : Le fait est clair comme A B C, Le parti Wigh EDCD; L'eveuement partout F E T. Par trop longtemns it R S T, Tonnant comme une D I T. A present avec 1' R E B T, Idol que le sort A K C, tessera de V G T. Vainement son esprit R I C. Est avec terreur A G T. Pour son corps des birchers 0 V. C'est une affaire d' S I D. Son F I J est mOrne 0 T ; De lui nous allons R I T, Rejouissans dans l'heureu se I D. Que du monde il est F A C. BALTIC HERO. (Arrzß -TALAVERA.") Welcome ! from squalls and nausea braved ! Welcome ! with cordage strictly saved ! Welcome ! with colours idly waved ! Thy six months brought to pass ! THE Victor ! of Sweaborg—yet unharmed ! Victor ! of Revel—much " alarmed"! Victor ! of fishing-smacks unarmed 1 Unconquering Dundas! rt 4 it I. t . , • EMI A,tl P '---,