The Press. — London, England, 1855-10-20 00:00:00

THE PRESS. OCTOBER 20, 1855. Minister himself was one of those who contributed as far as in them was to render the War disastrous by the neglect of our Troops and the insufficiency of preparations—that he who now talks of the Destruc tion of an Empire consented to send out only an Expedition to go half way and but overawe by Demonstration of Strength without striking a Blow ? Shall we not say that such a Minister is one of those that will nuts° the flame of the popular fury at whatever cost to his country, and place his own paltry Interest or Ambition in the same direction as the will of the Multitude, how frantic socvcr that maybe? * * STANZAS FOR THE TIMES. Till one thing, Brother Shandy, for a soldier to hazard his own life and to leap first down into the trench where he is sure to be cut to pieces. . . . 'Tis one thing, I say, Brother Shandy to do this, and another to reflect on the miseries of war, to weep over the desolation of whole countries.—Tristram Shandy. Is War such a holy thing, Is Havock so sweet a cry, That we bid men cease To prate of Peace, And to shout for more souls to die? Is war in a Righteous Cause To turn our hearts to stones? That to mourn a foe In fight struck low Is a crime for which nought atones? If Peace may not be made, But War must still have sway, Fight we like men, And prove again Our prowess in the fray. But cease this cry for blood, These blatant yells for strife, Which penmen here, Removed from fear, Shout with safe scorn of life. Methinks I see an end Worthy our old renown, Worthy our fame ; And His High name We quote our deeds to crown. The tale shall fill the World, By babes unborn be conned, How, our good work done, And our high prize won, England sought nought beyond, But sheathed her sated sword, And shunned the scene of strife, Teaching the Earth Mercy is worth Far more than Death or Life. NARRATIVE OF THE FRENZY OF JOHN BRIGHT (AFTER POPE.) THESE things, Christian reader, were communicated to me, being at Manchester, in the county of Lancaster, on affairs, by one Obadiah Fleshpots, a friend of the unhappy person whose malady is hereinafter depicted. They are set down, not for the mortification of this man, or this, which malicious interpretation may be put upon my narration by the malignant, but for a threefold end—viz., imprimis, that we may note to what lying and forgery unrighteous men will descend when egged on by the Tempter ; secundo, that the rottenness of such menda cious practices may be fully exposed and laid bare ; and tertio, that all of humane disposition may lend their pity and commiseration, and, as the heathen poet saith, misero succurere discante. Coming into my bed-room at the Grub Inn, Shoddy Lane, where I was making up my accounts, as a commercial gent is bound to do at nightfall, the said Obadiah, of whom I had knowledge, for we were once fellow shopmen, did approach my table something hastily, and with no by your leave did drink up certain rum and water. Then, sitting down upon my bed, and saluting me by the familiar title of Old Cock (my name is Peter Druggett), instigated me to order two more sixes, hot. This done, he narrated 'to me that John Bright, our acquaintance, of late somewhat estranged (being wealthy and noted) was strangely troubled in mind. Obadiah Fleshpots enlarged to me, after, how that the said Bright had until within the last fortnight been a shrewd and keen man of business, loud and self-complacent, but not unkindly disposed towards them who submitted to him. But that something which he had read Ina dinnial, called the Timm ! had utterly overturned and Foutedhim. 1001 To my demand what was this writing which had been so hurtful, Obadiah replied that he had not seen it, but that he had heard it was a declaration that three men had sworn an eternal friendship and brotherhood, and that they would overthrow the Queen's Majesty's Government, enter together into office, and make peace with the Czar of Russia. That these three men were declared by the said Time. to be the said Bright, the Right Hon. Benjamin Disraeli, and the Right Hon. William Ewart Gladstone. Hereat I shouted, with some contumely, the falsehood and im- Fpossibility of such a union being apparent to any rational man. But Fleshpots shook his head, and declared it was no jesting matter. Com posing myself, therefore, I heard as follows : That on the said Bright reading the statement in question, he danced round the room eight times, to the confusion of his family, who, with himself, belong to a religious society to whom all dancing is abhorrent. That, proceeding from bad to worse (for memo repent. fwit turpissi mus), ho cried with a loud voice that he would be blowed if he wouldn't be Premier by First Month Swearing being still more contradictory to his tenets than dancing, his family were inexpressibly shocked, rushed from his presence, and sent for several noted members of his sect, to whom he behaved in a most unbecoming manner, offering to bet them new broadbrims that he was made a Lord by Third Month in the new year, and proposing to fight them for farthings. Having thus, in one brief hour, committed dancing, swearing, gambling, and fighting, he became calmer, and kicked them all out of the house. He then set to work to qualify himself for the Coalition which he supposed was to take place, and began by reading one of Mr. Glad stone's speeches, which occupied him seven hours. At the end of that time he obtained a Latin grammar belonging to a young member of his family, and, declaring that he also must make classical speeches, committed to his memory (which is excellent, when he likes) several gerunds and supines, and the three concords, which he asserted would come in well in a peace speech. He also learned the propriti quo maribus tribuuntur. His servaut•maid then coming in to demand what he would like for dinner—for the Friends, or Quakers, do understand good living—he said that he shotild like three courses to be before him. Further imitating Mr. Gladstone, he said that the servant-maid's demand was inexact, for that there was a difference between what a person liked and what he could have, but that if he conceded to her that she was prepared to place upon the table that which he should select, he was next prompted to ask himself what was in season, and a reply to this entailed the necessity of possessing certain information which he made it an instruction to her to obtain from the tradesmen who supplied the mansion with edibles. The servant, unaccustomed to be so addressed, immediately gave warning. Next, remembering that lie was to take office with an individual who had distinguished himself as an author, the said John Bright sent to his bookseller for the whole of Mr. Disraeli's works. This tradesman, being also of the Quaker persuasion, conceived that such a demand, professing to come from the said Bright, was an attempt at swindling, and incontinently gave the messenger in charge of the Manchester police, in whose keeping the poor soul, Obadiah said, still remained. In the meantime the said Bright declared that he too would write some novels and romances which should take the shine, as he phrased it, out of everybody, and he sat up until the middle of the night, writing a political tale, in which the heroine, being the wife of a dandy M.P., who got tipsy on the night of an important debate, dressed herself in her husband's clothes, put on a moustache, and, easily passing for her effeminate lord, took her seat in the House, but, being worked upon by the impassioned oratory of a celebrated Quaker member (very carefully and favorably described), threw herself into his arms, sobbing and crying, to the great scandal of the Speaker and the Sergeant•at-Arms. On the proximate day the said Bright's bewilderment at the un• expected tidings took another turn, and he insisted upon holding a levee, at which all the magnates of Manchester were summoned to attend and kiss his hand ; whereto some of them demurring, he went round to their houses and punched their heads, severally and re• spectively, he being, as is well known, of pugilistic tendencies. Then he wrote letters to the said Gladstone and Disraeli, to their utter mystification, promising to stand by them like a good one, and asking how they thought the great offices of State should be distributed, adding that " something must be done for poor dear Cobby "—by which he was supposed to mean Mr. Cobden, M.P., one of his depen dents. The said Gladstone and Disraeli each returned him a soothing answer, and wrote privately to his friends advising a strait-waistcoat. His last freak was writing to Sir Charles Barry, architect of the Houses of Parliament, ordering him to make a separate seat, with arms to it, on the Treasury bench, for him, Bright, and threatening to hang him (though generally opposed to capital punishments) in case of default. But some well-wisher (he has several) having sent him a copy of a Conservative paper in which the whole statement of the Times was explained to be utterly unfounded, or rather to have been founded on some joke in an Irish paper, malevolently expanded into a story, he burst into a great rage, exclaimed that he had always said that all newspapers (except a few under his own thumb) ought to be put down, and went off to meeting. Obadiah Fleshpots having concluded his statement, I gave him some more rum and water, and hastened to pen down these particulars for the reasons I have above stated, and which I leave to the favorable consideration of the chatitably 7 minded. P. P.