The Press. — London, England, 1856-09-06 00:00:00

SEPT. 6, 1856. MINISTERIAL PROGRAMME. LORD PALMERSTON, as the Ministerial journals duly stated some time since, having requested that every member of his Administration would furnish him with a list of the measures which such Minister deemed it desirable to bring before Parliament in the ensuing sessior, some partial returns were made at the moment. We have been ftvored, however, with a further copy, and have much pleasure in giving it publicity. Sir GEORGE GREY —A Bill for providing for the better and more certain carrying out of the criminal law, by enacting that instead of the present irrational and capricious method of deciding upon the execution of culprits, a far more satisfactory plan shall be adopted— namely, that of the Judge, the Home Secretary, and the convict going the odd man," when, if the last out throws head, the criminal is to be hanged, if tail, transported. The Duke of ARGYLL.—A Bill for giving the Postmaster-General the right to read all the letters that pass through the Post-office, and to give orders to the receivers as to what answers the 3 shall send. Mr. F. PEEL.--A Bill for prohibiting any question from being proposed to a Minister in the House or out of it, unless a copy of the same shall have been delivered to him fourteen days previously. Another Bill, making it illegal for any Member to offer any re marks upon an answer obtained from a Minister. Lord CLARENDON.—A Bill making it unlawful for any newspaper not in the immediate service of a Ministry to publish any information upon f,reig,n affairs that is not in accordance with the statements and dates furnished by the Government. Another Bill, forbidding journalists or others from correcting or completing Government translations of despatches. The LORD CHANCELLOR.—A series of important Law Reforms, of which I have as yet completed a few only, namely : A Bill forbidding law papers to be pinned together, inasmuch as they ought to be sewn with needle and thread, or fastened with tape. A Bill for regulating the dress of attorney& clerks, and for making them wear gloves when in Chancery-lane, or in the precincts thereof. A Bill for empowering the laundress of Lincoln's•inn Hall to dust and sweep the same twice a week, and for making provision for the removal of the tea-leaves used upon such occasions. A Bill making it unlawful for any barrister or solicitor to remain at Cremorne or Evans's after two in the morning, inasmuch as it is impossible that if he does so he can fairly discharge his next day's duty to his client. A Bill for preventing Judges of Assize from making jokes during the trial of cases, and for indemnifying the ushers and other officials for the loss of the merriment occasioned by such achievements. A Bill for making it unlawful for ex-Chancellors to make imperti nent remarks to Lord Chancellors. Mr. ROBERT LONE.—A Bill providing for the prosecution of all persons who shall be guilty of theft, such as the possession of property, and for the application of such property to the exigencies of the State. A Bill for assimilating the electoral and voting systems of England with those of the United States. Sir Ctuar.Es WOOD.—A Bill authorising the Admiralty to recon struct all the ships in H. M. service upon the model of the river steamer that plies between Paul's-wharf and the Surrey side of London-bridge, and which, having rudders at both ends, can be steered either way foremost. This, I think, would be a great advantage to the navy. A Bill for abolishing all the old and foolish names given by sailors to the various parts and ropes of a ship, and for assigning to the same a nomenclature more in accordance with the advance of civilisation A Bill for enabling a captain in her Majesty's navy more easily to procure oil for the wheels of his gig. Mr. VERNON SMITH.—A Bill prohibiting the Directors of the East India Company from going through the Indian Sceptre Exercise, the same being an infringement upon my rights and privileges. A Bill for preventing Sir James Weir Hogg from going into more than eleven paroxysms of rage in the course of one and the same de bate, and for iceing him in the event of his doing so. A Bill forbidding any Member of Parliament from wearing white kid gloves more than once, or after they have been cleaned—the first course being very slovenly, and the second producing such an un pleasant odour that statesmanship becomes impossible in its Proximity. (To be continued on occasion.) 853 THE FRAGMENT OF A " PROVINCIAL LETTER. As my doubts were still in part unresolved, the following morning I called upon my friend the Minister. "I am sorry," said I, "tobe so troublesome to your Lordship, but, if I grant that the Palmerstonian is the best possible policy, I must also rely on your Lordship's dis crimination for an answer to certain objections of my constituents." As we are not in session," said ho benignantly, " I am quite at your service ; and if you will join me in a cigar," said he, pointing pleasantly to a box on the table, " we may solve your difficulties with the accom paniment of a little smoke." " I thank you," said I, " but T first re quire a light, for which in two senses T will trouble your Lordship.'' " Here," lie replied, " is a Lucifer, and here also am I, a shining light without the help of sand-paper, so that you see you have in every sense the means of illumination." Thus encouraged I lit the proffered havannah, and proceeded to derive political light from his Lordship. " I desire," said I, " first of all to reply to the objections of Brown, the Liberal." "Nothing is so easy," said he, "if you will be good enough to state them." " Brown," said I, "is concerned that his opinions should be sacrificed to your Lordship's desire to appropriate office. He has not forgotten his project for a new Reform Bill; he longs to increase the preponderance of the town constituencies ; he still approves of Household Suffrage, Triennial Parliaments, and Vote by Ballot; he remembers tenderly a certain clause for appropriating the revenues of the Irish Church ; he wishes to popularise the army, to popularise th© Prayer Book, and to popularise the House of Lords, and, above all, he makes it a personal reproach to your Lordship that he hears so little of the propagandism of liberal opinions on the Continent. Ho says that your Lordship has sold him —I regret to use such a term, but that is precisely my friend Brown's expression." " Your friend Brown," said he, "is a very unreasonable person, and may be answered as easily as I shake off this cigar ash. Brown's opinions, and Brown knows it, were simply a qualification for office. Now office is attained, it would be mere wastefulness to satisfy claims which may help his friends to office a second time. Besides, if I pressed his opinions at present, it would be at the cost of the place which he occupies. And which sacrifice do you think Brown would prefer, not to speak of Mrs. Brown and their interesting offspring ? Rely upon it I have done the best to gratify him. He may have been so/fl,' as he terms it, and at a very high figure ; but he has the price in his pocket in quarterly cheques on the Treasury, and, if lie is not satisfied, I refer him to Bernal Os borne and many others who have been sold in a similar way. You don't hear that they are discontented, do you ?" " Certainly not," said I. "Then Brown," said he, " needn't trouble us any further." I perceived that his Lordship expected me to proceed, and I thereupon mentioned the case of Jones. " Jones," said I, "my Lord, is a steady Conservative, and he also is by no means satisfied with your Lordship. He objects to your Lordship's own antecedents and to most of the followers by whom you are surrounded." "He must, at least," said he, "allow that I represent his principles." "He is aware that you profess to do so," said I. " And do," said he, "to all prac tical intents ; and, seeing that Jones prefers his principles to office, he should be as grateful as Brown, though for opposite reasons." "He might," said I, "very naturally under the circumstances I have mentioned desire office himself as a guarantee for his principles." " Impossible," said he, " for if he supplanted Brown and Brown's party, his principles would be at the mercy of all the obstructives in the kingdom. I know the pack well, and how soon they would raise a cry which would make Jones very warm and uncomfortable. Believe me, I not only maintain his principles, but I am most desirous not to irritate his feelings." " I should hardly have thought ) our Lordship was solicitous on the latter account from what I have latel) seen in your newspapers," said I. What do you refer to ?" he inquired. "To the reproach which the Times and other journals make against Jones and his friends that their views are the same as those of the Government, and that to aspire to office, they should adopt views of a different kind. If," said I, "as you profess, you have appropriated their principles, it is somewhat vratuitous to complain it' they resemble you. Those who caught the Whigs bathing and stole their clothes, h-id never a thought of re proaching them for their nakedness, still less of suggesting that they should go and plunder some one else. This was reserved for the apologists of your Lordship." " I see how it is," said he, "my journals are too officious; I must give them a hint, and then Joi -- ..?s will be satisfied." " If Jones consents to be excluded on these conditions, there is still," said I, " the case of Robinson. Robinson neither a Liberal nor Conservative, but an impartial citizen, who maintains that the party whose views prevail should he made responsible for them to the country. He objects that Conservatives ought not to govern in Oppo sition, nor Liberals to succumb while affecting to be a Government. He is a plain man, he says, and prefers simple, straightforward dealing, and a rectification of positions all round " "My answer to Robinson," said his Lordship, jauntily—(here a messenger entered with a trayful of despatches)— must be deferred, as you see, till a more convenient season. lam sorry that our conference is st inoppor tunely interrupted." X. THE PRESS.