The Press. — London, England, 1857-01-31 00:00:00

L THE PRESS. JANUARY 31, 1857. We have received several commtnications on the subject of our last week's article upon Whitecross-street Prison, for which we beg to express our thanks. We regret we have no space to insert the letter of " Civicus" upon the condition of the poor debtor, but are greatly obliged to him for his facts. At present we must content ourselves with expressing a hope that the Mercantile Law Conference now sit ting will take some steps towards the abolition of this disgraceful Eystern. In another part of our columns will he found a review of Sir E. B. LyrroN's inaugural address at Glasgow University. The criticism of the new Lord Rector's speech will doubtless appear to many of our readers as somewhat rigorous. But we have preferred to leave the subject in the hands of our contributor, one of our ablest and most valued, to mutilating it by the excision of such passages as are adverse to our own opinion. LORD JOHN OUT OF DOORS. Ain--" Barney Brallaghan's Courtship." Twas on a winter morn, In the midst of the nineteenth century, A plaintive voice was borne Up Downing-street's dark entry. At Viscount Palmerston's door, Which is oft a scene of bustle, This endless song did pour From the lips of Lord John Russell— Only say You'll give me a chance to be Minister ! Don't say nay, O Premier sharp and sinister! England is still at peace, Though you blow Canton to pieces; And the Persian row don't cease, Through Vernon Smith's caprices. With Smith and Pea and Yeh I guess you'll be off the track in a Jiffey—so you see You want a Deus ex maehina. Only say You'll give me a chance to be Minister ! Don't say nay, O Premier sharp and sinister ! I've the name of an ancient Whig, Which than anything feudal is better ; I've run full many a rig— I've written a Durham Letter. It's perfectly clear and true That none of my plans miscarry; Andrews I'll finish for you And I'll finish the Palace for Barry ! Only say You'll give me a chance to be Minister ! Don't say nay, O Premier sharp and sinister ! It's a matter of public note How oft the House I've jabbered in; 'Twas I who kept afloat The Coalition of Aberdeen. And now I've a Bill of Reform, On which most thoroughly I count — 'Twill take the House by storm, And you'll be a fortunate Viscount ! Only say You'll give me a chance to be Minister ! Don't say nay, O Premier sharp and sinister ! A CHAT ON CROWN LAWYERS. The PREMIER.—HOW do you do, Sir Richard ? Another vacancy on the Bench. Another promotion from the ranks. What have you got to say about it? Mr. ATTORNEY.—The abstraction of a conscientious administrator of justice is, my Lord, a subject for unaffected condolence. The PREMIER.—O, just so, just so. Of course. But I was rather thinking of the future. I suppose that you have no ambition to be come a Baron of the Exchequer? Mr. ATTORNEY.—Your Lordship's constitutional facetiousness is the only, but permit me to add an ample, excuse for the ventilation of such a suggestion. The PREMIER,—Then, twopence more, and up goes the Peelite. And now for the new Solicitor. What do 3ou think ? Mr. ATTORNEY.—The question might not assume proportions of importance, my Lord, were it certain that I should remain in the office which I have at present the honour to fill. The responsibilities of a Solicitor-General while I am Attorney-General are comparatively trivial. The PaEmtEa.—l'll promise not to move you, if I can help it. ArroasEy (ca/m/y).-- 1 3n a reconstruction of the Cabinet, either with or without your Lordship, it is possible that the decision might rest with the person most concerned. But assuming that matters remain as at present, your Lordship has several gentlemen before you, every cue of whom is perfectly at your service and his country's. ~~~~ 109 The PREMIER.—Let's see. Would you like old Shee fora colleague..? Mr. ATTORNEY.—Sergeant Shee, doubtless, has merits, and although either myopia, or a press of other objects requiring my atten tion, has hitherto prevented my discovering any of them, I should not be inclined to oppose an ohrtacic to his promotion, Were it not that as a politician ho is uninformed and virulent; that as an orator he is noisy and inexact; and that as an English statesman he is an Irish barrister. The PREMIER.—DO you know the game of a pie sat on a pear-tree? Mr. ATTORNEY.—I am, unfortunately, unacquainted with the en tertaining relaxation referred to by your Lordship. The PREMIER.—" Once so merrily hopped Shee, Twice so merrily hopped Shee, Thrice so merrily hopped Shee, Heigh° ! heigho ! heigho !" He has been ready upon three or four occasions ; but, I suppose, as you say, he won't do. Else, you know, it would not be a bad thing to give it to an Irishman. Mr. ATTORNEY.—Are not the Government Bills sufficiently in drawn to satisfy your Lordship ? I have not had any complaints from the profession that they are so precise as to impede litigation. The PEEMIER.—Ha ! ha! But that's a wipe for yourself, Mr. Attorney. Mr. ATTORNEY.—My own Bills are not Government Bills, my Lord, and I endeavour, however humbly, to render them worthy of my professional reputation. Mr. Sergeant Shoe might certainly achieve the same thing, in regard to his own, with no great difficulty. The PREMIER.—You are severe. He's a good old chap, and I like him; but as he must be given up, he must. Shall we try Tom Chambers ? Mr. ATTORNEY.—Mr. Thomas Chambers has views which must render him peculiarly acceptable to your Lordship's Roman Catholic supporters. Those views are excessively foolish, hut he advocates them with so much pertinacity that I presume he has some object before him. The PREMIER.—Why do you impute motives? Perhaps he really doesn't like Popery. Some people do not. Mr. ATTORNEY.-It is not for me to point out how eminently fitted a gentleman who is unable to discard prejudices must be for a promi nent place in the Government. The PREMIER.—Who else is there? Mr. Collier? Mr. ATTORNEY.—I have not the remotest doubt that Mr. Collier will be quite ready to take the office your Lordship proposes for him. Of his capabilities for discharging it, I should prefer not speaking. His estimate of himself is probably not mine, but he may be able to acquit himself without disaster. The PREMIER.—You'd be invaluable at a water-cure place, Sir Richard; you'd be a wet blanket always ready. Mr. ATTORNEY.—Passing over your Lordship's wit, of the purity of which there cannot be two opinions, I may he permitted to suppose that in asking my idea upon a subject your Lordship expected me to reply with frankness. The PREMIER.—MI right, my dear Mr. Attorney, and when you take the Peerage to which I hope to see you elected, I trust you'll select an Irish title Vinegar Hill. Mr. ATTORNEY.—I am not precisely an admirer of Irish titles, or of all their holders. The PREMIER.—Good again. I hope you'll be as happy in debate next week, and take the shine out of the Opposition. You did not do much in that line last session, but then to be sure you were in an awkward position. Mr. ATTORNEY.—The awkwardness was that of those who withheld the support which I ought to have received. Should that line of conduct be attempted a second time, it is possible that I may deem it my duty to compel a reconstruction of the Cabinet. The PREMIER.—How would you do it? I only ask for infor mation. Mr. ATTORNEY.—By resigning, my Lord. The PREMIER.—AII! that would be dreadful. I wonder what the new Solicitor would think of such a threat It would terrify him so much, that he would not be able to support your Bills ; he might even be bewildered into advising me not to support them. So don't talk like that. By the way, we never mentioned Murrough. Mr. ATTORNEY (in great wrath)—And why should we mention Murrough? But why should any reasonable person mention Murrough? [Exit, hurriedly. A MOAN FOR MARYLEBONE. (As sung by Mr. N—h—y.) We dreamt that we'd found in our Member, Hall, A man who'd be staunch to our side, A chief who would break taxation's thrall, And humble the Church's pride ; For he bullied and blustered well, I weeu, To win a Reformer's fame, And we fondly hoped (Oh! weren't we green ? That he'd always be the same. We dreamt that to nobles he ne•er would bow, Nor the People's cause disgrace, Till he crouched for a coronet rather low, And wriggled a t last to a place. And then when we fancied fight he must 'Gainst the taxes he used to blame, We found, to our most extreme disguqt, That his views were not the same!