The Press. — London, England, 1856-07-19 00:00:00

JULY 19, 1856. LOVETT'S LITTLE-GO FOR LEGISLATORS. Mr. LovETT (the Chartist) has presented to the House of Commons, Cirough Mr. Roebuck (the Administrative Reformer), a petition, pray ing that all persons professing to be statesmen shall undergo a severe o.:amination into their fitness for place, and that the names of those who pass this ordeal shall be entered in a book, from which list alone shall selections be made when any Government office, high or low, is vacant. The House received the petition with " laughter," but this was no proof that the proposition was not a sensible one. We should like to hear Mr. Lovett himself, as examiner, take some of our states men in hand. To begin at the top of the Ministerial tree, suppose that the distinguished Chartist summoned Lord Palmerston before him. Mr. L.—Now sit down, and let's begin with common sense. What is G.,vdrnment? Lord P.—Government? why, office. That is, a Ministry, a Cabinet, you know. Coves that dine at Greenwich at the end of the session. But, excuse me, what is the use of asking questions like that? Why not be practical? Impracticability is the fault of all you outsiders—you go harping and trying back upon doctrines and theories, instead of accepting the situation and making the best of it. Mr. L.—Accepting a situation and making the best of it, you mean. Lord P.—Very good, very well. But, really, it seems to me that you philosophers are all wrong. A police magistrate might as well begin to talk about original sin when he has to sentence a pickpocket. Mr. L.—And though your notions about original sin, and mine, are not orthodox, I don't understand how the doctrine, if the magis trate believes the creed he professes, can be left out of the pick pocket's case. But we are talking of statesmen, not pickpockets, in the ordinary acceptation of the word. I will be us practical as you like. Define a statesman. Lord P.—Definitions are the deuce. But let us see. He is one who looks to all quarters of the world, who knows which way the wind blows, and who can vary with the necessities of the time, while keep. ing himself perfectly straight and consistent-- Mr. L—l beg your pardon. Did you hear me aright? I asked about a statesman, and you very accurately define a weathercock. Lord P.—Ela! ha ! Mr. L.—Not to say that you have favoured me with an auto biography. Lord P.—Good again. But why not put a case? Anybody can get up definitions out of a dictionary. Mr. L.—As you please. Let us suppose the case of one country doing a wrong, or offering an insult, to another nation. Now, without regard to special circumstances, which of course must be considered, what is the prima facie duty of the aggrieved nation? Lord P.—ls the offender weak or strong ? Mr. L.—Let us say weak. Lord P.—The reading a great moral lesson to the world is a duty which no statesman should neglect to perform ; and if you are quite sure that the offender is helpless, order up your most imposing force, and serve him out. Mr. L.—And supposing, on the contrary, that he is strong? Lord P.—The reading a great moral lesson to the world is a duty that no statesman should neglect to perform. Abstain from seeing that you are wronged and insulted, and remain tranquil. Qui capit ille facit. Mr. L.—Now, to be very practical. You have retained office, and Parliament is about to rise, and leave you in power until next year. What course of policy will you adopt during the next six months ? Lord P.—The question is too general. Specify points. Mr. L.—Will you strive for peace, or provoke war ? Lord P.-1 must refer you to my answer touching weakness and strength. Mr. L.—l will name separate powers. As regards America ? Lord P.—America is a great nation, and we are brothers in blood, and pioneers of civilisation. Mr. L —As regards Italy ? Lord P.—ltaly is a great nation, powerfully garrisoned, and her regeneration, could it be coexistent with present relations, would be most desirable. Mr. L.—Spain ? Lord P.—Spain is also an interesting country, and its resources, if developed under a liberal Constitution, would be enormously beneficial ta our trade. Mr. L.—Austria? Lord P.—Austria's position is one of extreme complication, but her destiny must be read by the key of advancing enlightenment. Mr L.—Russia ? Lord P.—Russia is renewing her ruptured relations with us, and it will be gratifying should changed circumstances induce sincere friendship between the countries. Mr. L.—Greece ? Lord P (in a rage).—D—n Greece! If she gives me any of her impudence, I'll have up the fleet, and blow Athens to the Devil. What's the good of talking to me about Greece ? Mr. L —Or about anything else. I regret to tell you that lam quite convinced that you have no real km—ledge of your duty, and no principles whatever. You arc all selfishness and varnish. I shall not enter your name in my book. Lord P.—lt's devilish lucky that the House of Commons isn't bitten by any of your didactic maggots. I am good enough f o r t he H use. I dare say you are a good old fellow, but you are a. great ass. Addio ! Exit, jauntily 685 PASSAGES FROM A LOST DIARY. [We are pot at liberty to state how we came into possession of the MSS. from which we make the following extracts, nor are we able to state whence they came, or the name of the writer, who is evidently a lady moving in the most distinguished circles, and acquainted with the political relations of most important personages. These MSS. were first seen by us tied up roughly in a bundle with the elegant instruments and pretty little shreds of a lady's workbasket, and we should imagine from their torn condition that they had been burglariously treated. The words " Pembroke Lodge " were written upon a blank leaf, but as there are so many Pembroke Lodges in the vicinity of the metropolis this will barely afford a clue to us or our readers.] MONDAY.—I still continue excessively nervous. Nurse has the hay fever, and the children are not looking near as well as when they came from Vienna. My little man is not by any means so sprightly as he used to be at the Hotel Munsch, and I am sure we should all be the better for a change. if they'd send us on another mission I would'nt mind the packing. The gardener and his wite should stay—the maids would go with us—Susan should be my blanchisseuse attaché—Jane could take care of baby and the despatch-box, and my little man himself should have charge of the canary, for, as he's often told me, he's equal to anything. Oh ! that we were all en route to the shores of the Mediterranean. I would even go to Morocco if I was sure the be nighted Moors would be careful with my boxes. My John says he has no doubt he could convince the Emperor of Morocco of the advantages of representative Government. He would schedule Morocco in a week, for my little man has a remarkable talent for schedules. For my own part I would prefer an educational tour among those romantic Bedouins. Oh! the camels and gazelles, and the hour of sunset, when " all the forest leaves are stirred with prayer,"—only the forests, like other Woods that we know of, would help us little in this instance. What romantic scenes I can picture—my self in the tent with my crochet or sketch-book, and my domestio Confucius on a low campstool, reading De Lolme or some other en tertaining volume, or dilating on the Edinburgh Review and the London University to the Arab sheikhs, while I show their wives my newest bonnets from Paris. We should realise that charming picture of Mr. Lewis, at the Water-colour's, only in more gorgeous hues, and with more important central figures. I and my lady's-maid and baby and my canary, and my illustrious helpmate, the dear little Plenipotentiary. But I must break away from this delightful vision, for I hear visitors in the drawing-room. TUESDAY.—What an arduous day T had yesterday ! Such a suc cession of Elliots wanting to know whether anything was likely to turn up. How patriotic they are, and how eager to serve their un grateful country. The Listers arid Lewises, too, with Sir Cornewall— elaborate sage—who took an hour to tell me that he was free to confess that the economical attitude of the Opposition left him exoterically little prospect of promoting my views out of her Majesty's Exche quer. Minto gave me some comfort by suggesting an admonitory constitutional tour, similar to his own, along the crest of the Appe nines. My little man must mature his plans for turning St. Peter's into a museum, and for putting out Vesuvius, and the thing is feasible. If he could but call the Austrian occupation "a standing menace," I would go at once and engage a courier. Now I must water my myrtles. Dear myrtles, how vividly ye speak of Italy! WEDNESDAY.—AIas ! I dreamt last night of Italian skies. Raphael had come to life again, and was painting a picture of my little man in the costume of Massaniello. The King of Naples and the Pope were looking on admiringly. Alfieri whispered in my ear:—" it was the very poetry of politics"' I woke Joha to repeat the phrase to him, when he told me that he also had been dreaming that Disraeli had converted him into maccaroni, and that he was devoured by mosquitoes. God forbid he should be so worried. Wby, he's as thin and light as a feather. _ _ THURSDAY.-A day of anxious deliberation. We have had a meeting of our party. The Duke, Lord Minto, my little man, and myself. We shut out the servants, and dined with the help of dumb•waiters at one of the tables in the card-room. Three schedules,—l should say three courses. and au ice pudding. My precious talked of commending him self to the country on the ground of his Repeal of the Test Acts. The Duke recommended some newer programme. Discussed the Repeal of the Act of Settlement, of the Spiritual Peers, of the Book of Common Prayer, and of Plymouth Breakwater. But no question so promising as the Italian—To pack or not to pack? The party promised to sup port my lesser half, and to see us off by the steamer if all went well. John in the evening looking up materials for his speech, I con tributing. FRIDAY.-Still at the speech—Lord Somers and Metastasio. SATURDAY.—Metastasio and Lord Somers. SUNDAY.—John took Sylvio Pellico to Dr. Cummin's, and read it during the sermon. MONDAY.—The eventful day—big with the fête of Russell and of Rome. If I hadn't got that cigar-shop for Lucy from Louis Philippe, how useful she m!ght be now. Told Susan not to forget my pet's pocket-handkerchiefs. Remember how many he wetted the night he withdrew his Reform Bill. What a state too he came homo in after moving his educational resolutions! Mem.—To put a dry pair of drawers in his carpet-bag, that he may change on leaving the House. Oh, Italy! expectant laud ! Oh. day of tremors and hopes ! TUESDAY.—I could weep. I could go to Ramsgate. I could wish Disraeli in the place of Poerio ; and as for Lord Palmerston, I trust in Heaven or the other place that there may be a Spielberg hereafter. When my little man quoted Napoleon, that Austria governed Italy with a stick, I hear that he whispered to Hay ter that was how Woburn had governed England. To day, too, there is a letter of condolence from Lady P—. How she is laughing at me in secret. But my chance of condoling in return will come some day. In the meantime, where is Susan? I should like to box that girl's ears ! THE PRESS.