The Press. — London, England, 1855-09-15 00:00:00

SEPT. 15, 1855. THE PREMIER'S MEDITATIONS. Of what is the Premier thinking As he sits in his easy-chair, And hears of our foeman sinking His ships in his wild despair? Does a flush of honest pride Mount to his lordly brow? Did I dream when I thought ho sighed For the dead who have fallen now ? I may not read the thought That came to him to-day When he heard how our heroes fought And fell in this latest fray; It cannot be he jeers At chivalry and worth, That ho hath no pride or tears For the brave ones gone from earth It seemeth strange to me, A man of humble mould, And loving all that's brave and free, As my fathers loved of old, That the ruler of the land Should hear with stoic calm The tidings come at last With sorrow-healing balm. On the city of the world The news burst forth to night, That the foemen had been hurl'd From the stronghold of their might ; The bells ring wildly out, The brazen cannon roar, Huzzah ! old England's sword Is mighty as of yore! • The nation's joy speaks out In many a varying guise, Some hear with mighty shout, And some with streaming eyes; But not a generous word From him who sits as Chief— Is he so dead, this ancient Lord, To Britain's pride and grief? HOW DOWNING-STREET BORE THE NEWS (FROM A MINISTERIAL PAPER.) IT is due to a Cabinet which has been most improperly represented as deficient alike in ability and patriotism, to refute the allegation that it is not in earnest in the prosecution of the war with Russia. We need not be told that from the minds of the old, coarse school, which thinks it a compliment to be called " English," the subtle and delicate process by which statesmen of a high class carry out their views obtains but little respect. But, to adopt one of the vulgarities of that school, the proof of the pudding is in the eating; and while the nation has supposed that the Cabinet was leaving the war to its chance, or interfering only for mischief, Sebastopol has been taken. This strikingly displays the advantage of intrusting the war to such men as now preside in our councils. There cannot be the slightest doubt that had Lord Derby been in office instead of Lord Palmerston, the victory on the Tschernaya would have been with the Russians, the bombardment of last week would have been ineffective, and Prince Gortscbakoff would now have been at Balaklava. Having thus proved, with our accustomed logic and lucidity, that the fall of Sebastopol is due to the character and exertions of her Majesty's Government, let us proceed to the pleasant task of record ing the mode in which the news was received by those who had accomplished the feat. The first person who was apprised was the Head of the War Department. On reading the despatch, Lord Panmuro jumped up, and rushed over to the First Lord •f the Admiralty, exclaiming, "By Jove, I've been and done it ! " But he was met by one of Sir Charles Wood's ever-cheerful smiles, and the reply, " You, indeed ! See here," showing him his own despatch, " I've sunk the Russian fleet. I've limited the preponderance of Russia with a vengeance." After a friendly contest in which each Minister proved, incontestably, that the other had nothing to do, and could have had nothing to do, with the success he claimed (malevolent detractors, beneath contempt, affect to agree with them), they " con cluded," as the Yankees say, to divide the honours, and accordingly the double despatch of Monday was promulgated, and henceforth Panmure and Wood became historical names. Having duly sent off the tidings to Balmoral (with a postcript congratulating ber Majesty on having faithful Ministers who can achieve such things for her), the two statesmen apprised their col leagues. Lord Clarendon professed no surprise at all, declaring that he had calculated to a day when the Russians must evacuate, and mentioning, indeed, that six weeks previously he had marked the ninth of September in his pocket-book as that day ; and he would have shown the entry to his colleagues, only the book happened to be locked up in a drawer, the key of which he had left in a waistcoat that was gone to be washed in th e country. When Lord Cranworth heard it the Chancellor said, with his usual caution, that a victory was a very good thing provided it was of a satisfactory character, and that if it should appear that the enemy had sustained a severe blow, he con ceived that new lustre would accrue to the arms of the Alliese; but before expressing other opinions he was desirous To ascertain those of his 881 colleagues. The Chancellor of the Exchequer was so excited by the news that he insisted on addressing the other Ministers in a neat and appropriate speech, in which he sketched the history of the most im portant sieges, ancient and modern, from Azoth, which was besieged by Psammitichas the Powerful, and, according to Herodotus, held out for twenty-nine years (of which period Sir C. Lewis related some in teresting anecdotes), down to the taking of Autwerp, by our allies the French, in 1832. Mr. Vernon Smith hardly knew what to think of the news, and it was some time before it occurred to him to connect the achievement with his own highly superior management of India. But at length he remembered a passage in his Budget speech, in which he hinted at the possibility of Government assenting to bring some of our Indian forces into the conflict, and he naturally attributed the flight of the Russians to their terror lest he should fulfil his threat. The Lord Privy Seal treated the matter as a trifle—his advice had, of course, led to the result; but if ho had been attended to earlier, Sebastopol would have fallen a long time ago. But his Grace could not bestow much attention on the subject, having to get up a four-column speech on science, for Glasgow, and the technical names being rather bother some. Mr. Frederick Peel merely expressed a hope that the authori ties would be very accurate in making out an inventory of the stores which might fall into their hands, distinguishing the dates on which they were captured, and marking in red ink what were damaged ; and he urged that a telegraphic message to that effect should immediately be sent off. Sir Benjamin Hall was much pleased at the news, and thought that the event ought to be commemorated by giving him his coronet. Sir George Grey was also pleased, but regretted that the event had happened on the Sabbath day. But the most remarkable effect was produced, as was natural, upon the Premier, whose astonishment that his tenure of office should be marked by such an incident speedily yielded to the most unbounded jocosity. The despatch acted like the blue touch-paper of a firework, and his Lordship began to explode in the most brilliant manner. Every person who came into his presence for three days was greeted with a Sebastopol joke. To note a hundredth part of his pleasantries is impossible, but a handful might be preserved for the delight of mankind. " Well, Panmure," he exclaimed, "so the Rue " sian ducks have swum over the harbour—they wouldn't come and be killed." To Sir C. Wood he remarked that the kind of mortar we applied did not seem to make Russian bricks keep together. He told Sir William Molesworth that Gortschakoff was honoured neither in the breach nor the observance ; and he regretted that Alfred Tennyson was not an Ossian, to sing the Feast of Shells. He said that General Simpson must be a descendant of the Vauxhall Simpson, having taught the Russians to bow; and that if the staff had been much damaged, he would give the General a new staff, a marshal's, to make up. And he added, classically, hearing that our army must now march on to Star Fort, " Yes, si4 itur ad Astra." Indeed, his Lordship was still letting off witticisms when our article-writer came away, and if we receive any more we shall publish them in our second edition. BRITISH ASSOCIATION FOR THE ADVANCE MENT OF SCIENCE. In Glasgow's ancient city a learned crew have met, Of statesman, prince, geologist, of peer and baronet ; From India and from Sweden, from valleys and from hills, Prince Bonaparte and Mahmoud, Liebig and Monckton Milnes. They seat themselves to dinner, this very brilliant throng : Agassiz gives a sentiment, and Murchison a song ; Lord Harrowby is sprightly, Lord Wrottesley don't look shy ; Count Frolich gets quite frolicsome, and Playfair winks his eye. At last the ladies are proposed by Mons. Potigot, And the Lord Provost points to where the coffeepot shall flow ; Straightway the learned body with one consent adjourn, New lights of art to admire, new theories to learn. For doubtless the repast is crown'd by some impressive act, Some wise discourse delivered replete with thought and fact ; A meeting of the notables of this " enlightened age " Shall reverently oscultate their most distinguished sage. Silence ! None sure will dare to speak save one of deepest skill— The fruit of long experience, of persevering will— Who amidst those deep logicians discourse shall dare to hold To those to whom 'tis given nature's secrets to unfold ? Will Brewster speak, of Alison, Sedgwick or Bonaparte ? Will Kolliker on cholera, or Anderson take heart ? Will Robinson of Armagh, or Retzius of Stockholm, Mansum Mahmoud from India, Campello's Count from Rome? All silently beseat themselves, on knowledge all intent, The box of snuff is opened, and the massive brow is bent, Then to teach this learned body, with calm, superior smile, Up starts a Highland laddie, that wondrous sage Argyll ! THE PRESS. A " GOOD " TIME COMING A Gallant Admiral, writing to a contemporary, expresses his belief that the present vigorous prosecution of the war will drive the Russians out of the Crimea, Georgia, and Bessarabia, "ere the mos makes " another revolution around our terrestrial globe." This is a piece of sly sarcasm which we hardly expected from a frank son of Neptune. We are accustomed to such poetical expressions as " ere the rocks melt with the sun," and " ere the seas run dry," but the " revolution' in our solar system suggested by the worthy Admiral far exceeds any image yet invented to illustrate outrageous improbability.