The Press. — London, England, 1855-06-16 00:00:00

THE PRESS. JUNE 16, 1855. THE RIGHT MEN IN THE RIGHT PLACES. Hurrah for the movement of modern Reform ! You Cripples, Hurrah for the pace ! We've patents for taking the right men by storm And putting them each in their place. The tribe of Grey cousins, the Elliot hosts, We'll stow in a monster balloon, And send them off looking for lucrative posts In the Milky Way or the Moon. The Gordons and Bamsays and Sawnies allied We'll ship to the northernmost zone, As Attaches to icebergs, to float far and wide, Or as Consuls to islands unknown. From a ranting and raving Radical team We'll get the most docile of Whigs, A brawler shall make us a beadle supreme If it please the Marylebone pigs. The Premier, as Clown, shall exhibit his skill In some pantomimic mystery ; And Johnny be usher at Pentonville, For his smattering of French and of History. Panmure shall go partners with " Rheumatic " Blair, And help off his pills by a figment ; Argyll, with a beautiful head of black hair, Shall puff some capillary pigment. A moral we'll make out of Osborne's eclipse To encourage the slow and the good, And while we are building so many huge ships Of course we'll make something of Wood. The triflers and twaddlers we'll cease to deride, The cyphers will swell our amount ; Not a rip but shall keep a respectable side, Not a stick but we'll turn to account. So, Hurrah for the movement of modern Reform ! You Cripples, Hurrah for the pace ! We've patents for taking the right men by storm And putting them each in their place. HISTORY OF ENGLAND UNDER THE OLIGARCHY. The following is an extract from the 137th volume of the continuation of Macaulay by Lord John Russell, descendant of the nobleman spoken cf in the text as Ambassador to Vienna, who rt.!, c o l! . to T s Australia s, a3 Go e ve l r e poii 9 t t rreof, was carried away by a kangaroo, and never afterwards THE fear of invasion by a foreign foe had scarcely been dispelled by his becoming the most valuable ally of England, when that unfortu nate country, ever doomed to suffer, was successfully attacked by a tribe whose ambition had ever been devoted to her humiliation, and whose interests were involved in her complete subjugation. The contempt into which the Whiggi had long fallen was undeniably merited, but the carelessness with which their machinations were regarded was far less justifiable. Issuing from the fastnesses of Sutherland, reinforced by a very small but compact body from Bedford, and under the leadership of an ancient chief, whose reputation had long survived his ability, the Whiggi, by a series of unscrupulous manoeuvres, made themselves masters of the country, almost without opposition. Preserving the forms of the venerable Constitution, for the sake of blinding a nation to which names are ever dearer than the things they represent, the victors proceeded to violate its spirit in every particular Their chief, intoxicated with his triumph, proclaimed himself Dictator, under the title of Pamerlane the Great, and he immediately proceeded to parcel out the conquered realm among his greedy followers. Seizing himself upon the Treasury, lie flung the noble colonies of Britain as a prize to John Sobieski, so called from his having relieved Vienna by going away from it. The magnificent navy of the country was assigned to one Lignum, formerly a humble maker of sacks or budgets, in which vocation having failed, he obtained a living as an Indian juggler, and his ludicrous per formances attracting the notice of Pamerlane (himself of a frivolous disposition), Lignum was taken into pay, and rewarded as we have seen. The army was delivered over to a Scotchman, who had sworn fealty to the new chief, and from whom nothing dangerous could be apprehended, on account of his limited intellect and his infirm health. India, the brightest Oriental jewel in the British Crown, was given to a common Smith, whose obsequious flattery of the chief and his associates had rendered him acceptable to them, and who was himself suspected of a grosser superstition than that of the Pagans he misruled, for he had openly offered incense to a Hogg. The public buildings of the metropolis became the prey of one Mule, who had renounced his former allegiance and ,joined the invader. A lucrative office was awarded to a chieftain named Rufus lig itesticus, from certain pecu liarities, physical and mental, and the remaining spoils of the kingdom Were aptiortioned among tate immediate relatitas and oonniotions of Pamerlane and his men. The Dictator himself was so elated by his" success that, like Masaniello, he indulged in insane proclamations at one time, annouuciug himself as King Richard the Second, and at another altenng the religion of the country, and putting down Original Sin at a moment's notice. The policy of the victors appears to have been guided by an instinct which at the period escaped the severe censure it deserved, but which the historian, writing nearly a century and a half later, can only describe as a union off' the most unblushing arrogance, and the most short-sighted cunning. The people would have borne much, but their feelings revolted at beholding all that was precious and valuable consigned to men so unworthy of it, and their intelligence recoiled from the boastful vaunts of the victors that they had not only won and would keep their winnings, but that they alone were fit to rule the land, the inhabitants being but savages, who should be proud to be the hewers of wood and the drawers of water to the conquering Whiggi. The Nemesis, which punishes injustice, was speedily in attend ance upon the usurpers. Able to gain, they proved themselves unable to govern. Whatever they undertook, failed signally and disgrace fully. John Sobieski, who had not then acquired that name, but who was known as John of Groat (from his being the height of four pennyworth of piled halfpence) was despatched to Vienna to conclude a peace. Unacquainted with the language of those whom he was to meet, his gestures became matter of derision, while a more serious danger was incurred by the humiliating offers he made in the name of England. Fortunately the negotiations were broken off, and Groat returned, covered with disgrace, to be consoled by his master The war in which the country was engaged was waged gallantly abroad. but the ignorance and apathy of the rulers at home reduced the army to the severest distress, and it was discovered, to the disgust of the 4 nation, that the contest had been insincerely conducted, and that; victory was no part of the desire of the Whiggi. The arbitrary and indiscruninating demands made upon the national purse were sub mitted to in patience, but the clumsiness of rapacity defeats its own: objects, and the incessant horseleeeh cry of " Give, give !" was at length met by the universal inquiry whether the demaudants did not wish, they might get it. Had Pamerlane been wise, it is possible that his usurping dynasty and exclusive policy might have been tolerated, for the real ;. leaders of the people deemed it more prudent to bear a ith the usurps...l tion, than to expose the country, at that crisis, to the dangers of civil strife. They even lent patriotic aid to the Dictator, when he de- • manded it in the name of the nation. But the insulting bearing of Pamerlane himself, the ridicule with which he sought to surround things on which the nation felt deeply, the unconstitutional nature of the oligarchy which he had planted upon the ruins of the institutions of the country, the incompetence of his underlings and creatures, equalled only by their effrontry, the suspicion which attached itself to the conduct of the Whiggi in regard to their dealings with the Russian Emperor Nicholas Mendax, and the traditional dislike and contempt which England had ever felt for its tyrants, united to arouse a tem pest of indignation, which at length breaking forth swept the usurpers before its devastating fury. John Sobieski fled to Australia, where, with his habitual effrontery, be proclaimed himself Governor, and was ultimately carried off by a kangaroo, which he had approached, mis• taking it for a certain colleague. The unhappy Lignum, unconscious, of his danger, lingered, but was destroyed by an old Miller, employed by a secretary he kept, being himself unable to write. The idolatrous' Smith escaped, from his insignificance, and took employment as fashionable upholsterer, for which occupation his mental capacity, happily, suited him. The fiery Rufus expired in an intense fit of self. appreciation, to which he had been liable from boyhood, and the un. fortunate Scotebman, to whom the army had been delivered over, was seized, and cruelly hurled from the top of the War-office into the lower* depths of oblivion. Mole fell, another victim to popular indignation, by a repaid torture. Enclosed in a huge ballot-box, with a number of balls in it, he was rolled through the Tower Hamlet, until the mob, weary of their barbarous diversion, abandoned one who had aban doned them. Pamerlane himself was consistent to his character, for having abdicated with a profane joke, having seen all his friends ex pelled and ruined, and a new and constitutional Government framed, he immediately tendered his allegiance, and begged to be made a Bishop. So ended the Oligarchy. The moral which the historian draws from the history of the extirpated Whiggi is —[8o trite a one that ire forbear to extract it.] an ADMINISTRATIVE REFORM. Mints—" Molly the Cook=ld'e Letter to Dr. Belk" Our country's come to a pretty pass, and I don't see how on earth we're to get out of it, For the last two years it's been getting worse and worse, I don't think there's a reasonable doubt of it. First, we didn't stand firm to prevent the war which would neverhave been made by Czar Nicholas If he hadn't thought from our tone so very tame we'd grown we should quietly lie down for him to tickle us. Then we went into the war without knowing a bit where or bow we were going to wage it, And sent a great sleet to gain glory in the seas where there wasn't an enemy to engage it. To be sure we did a feat at which Nelson would have blushed, and so I think would Collingwood and Jervis ; We stormed an empty fort, and batter'd down its walls, and bragged irs though we'd done a gallant service. J