The Press. — London, England, 1855-08-04 00:00:00

THE PRESS. AuG. 4, 1855. Europe totius risui immo omnibus terrarum regionibus, magis atque magis nos irri dendos prieberemus ? Et quod de college meo,—cujus vita politica, velut extincta lampas, defuncta est—dicit—nEe ego collegam meum minime pro victima, vel, ut aiunt, hirco in desertum iMMiL3BO, habere soleo. Nos ad loca retinenda semper parati erimus, egomet ipse vero jocos semper effundere, de omnibus semper omnia dicers, omnia sus deque vertere, omnia m iscere, pergam ; atque, si Banmettus iste, qui tam breviter tam i longam tamen oratianem de quiestione n nos exercenda elocutus est, aliquid adhuc ef fundere velit—iterum ei relinquu, utrum se sponte mendacia effutire, vel nihil omnino 11.) scire confiteatur Tunc vero magnus obortus est clamor ; alii ridere, alii plaudere, alii valedicere, atque de somno captando cogitare. Egregius autem iste scurra, a jocis in iram effusus, opprobriis pro more quemcunque oppetere, ita ut omnes veriti fortasse, ne concio a Cointedia in Tra gediam desineret, rem de •inai►ibus deposuerunt ; atque ita qutestionem de re tanta in aliud tempus, ut solet, referendam decreverunt. Hine adeo evenit, tit ii, qui per totam Sessionem nihil etfecerant, idem alio temporc efficere potuerint. Interim vero ad ayes ferasque vel rete vel bombardis expugnandum, ad pisces hamo captandum, vel ad petunias, quas pro meritis suits tam egregiis, congesserant, disai pandum, decedunt. LIVIUS LONDINENSIS. LORD LILLIPUT'S EMBASSIE AND ITS CONSEQUEN CES. Lord Lilliput's a little Lord, A little Lord of high degree, He shipped himself all aboard of a ship To go upon an Embassie. This Embassie was to Vienna, Along with stout Drouyn de Lhuys, To make a peace and heal our feud With the false loons of Muscuvie. This little Lord was full of valour, And a gay Canon said that he Would storm a town or sail a fleet, Or lecture on Anatomic. But 'neath his thumb the wily Buol Soon got this Noble Lord so wee ; While Baron Titoff wound about His colleague, stout Drouyn de Lhuys. " Come hither now, my little Lord," Quoth this Plenipotentiarie; " Say, shall we take the terms they give, Speak, little Lord, dost thou agree ? " Then up and spake that tiny Lord, " Thy counsel seemeth good to me; And so I'll telegraph to London," " And I to Paris," quoth De Lhuys. Sir Drouyn's master answer'd grimly, " I love thee well, thou'rt frank and free ; But such a Peace mislikes me sadly, In sooth, 'twill never do for me." Lord Lilliput he rode to London, And said unto the Ministrie, " What say you to the terms they offer, Say, shall we sign with Museovie?" " Not so, not so, my Lord so little," Our Premier answered merrilie ; " For Peace or War I care not much, But Place is very dear to me. " The Commons, in St. Stephen's Palace, The Peers, and eke the whole Countrie, Would scout with honest indignation The shameful terms thou bringest me." Bedford's small scion spake not loud, But in his heart said spitefullie, " Methinks I've skill enough to oust This Lord with his buffoonerie." Then to the House in hottest haste Lord Lilliput did straightway flee, And shew'd what varying Counsels ruled The fortunes of the Monarchie. With scorn and wrath did Cobden stout Assail the wretched Ministrie ; And bright and keen as truest steel Flashed thy fierce wit, Disraeli. " This cunning trick that I have played (Quoth John) doth hugely tickle me ; Ha, Palmerston, my merry wag, How lovest thou this Pleasantric ? Meanwhile the Nation murmurs loud, Like thunder rolling angrilie, At tricksters small and jesters hoar Misgoverning this fair Countree. 737 For sorry jokes and paltry wiles In sooth 'tis very sad to see Among the rulers of the land In this our dire emergencie. PALMERSTON AS A MISSIONARY. THE following is the conclusion of the report of Lord Palmerston's speech at the dinner given by the East India Company to the new Governor General on Wednesday : The noble lord remarked upon the curious fact that, whereas of old all civilisation came from India, through Egypt, now we, who were barbarians, were bringing back civilisation and enlightenment to the parent source. Perhaps it might be our fate to confer on the countless millions of India a higher and holier gift than any mere human knowledge, but that must be left to the hands of time and the gradual improrentent of the people. In consequence of this report, the Lord Privy Seal, the War Minister, and the Home Secretary, as the three members of the present Admi nistration who profess some regard for religion, arc understood to have waited upon the Premier, and remonstrated against such statements being given to the public as the views of the Cabinet on missionary enterprise. A conversation to the following effect is believed to have taken place : The DUKE : But do I understand that this was really what your Lordship said? The PREMIER : I can't answer for your understanding ; but you were present, and so were you two others, and you know what I said. The DUKE : Don't let us joke about it, please. It is certain that you could not have meant to say that, and I think a corrected report ought to be published. The PREMIER : Bother corrections ; they never do any good. But let's see what it is that has shocked you so mightily. (Reads.) Well, what's the matter with it ? Didn't civilisation come from India through Egypt, like the Overland Mail? Lord P.: That's not the most objectionable part, though I do not suppose you know the religious argument by which only such a state ment could be defended. Real civilisation means Christianity, and in one sense that came out of Egypt, but— The PREMIER: Thank you, I have heard of that. But, as that defence does not include India, I won't trouble you for it. I used civilisation in the—a—a--a—ordinary sense, reading and writing, fine arts, and all that. The context shows it, as Igo on to speak of the other business. Lord P.: The other business ! But let us goon. " The higher and holier gift," I may asshume, means the knowledge of Christianity ? The PREMIER : What do you Scotch say " asshurne " for? Can't you spell? You might as well say asshirt—by way of a change. Sir G. G. (impatiently) : We must ask your Lordship to refrain from levity for a few moments You are reported to have gone on to say that the spread of Christianity in India must be left to the hands of time and to the gradual improvement of the people. In other words, that if we leave them alone, long enough, they will prove so en lightened as to embrace the true religion. The PREMIER : Very well ; I dare say they will. Of course it won't be in our time, unless, to be sure, the masterly way in which our officers torture them to make them fork out convinces them of the superiority of our system. Lord P.: But do you seriously believe that a nation will ever im prove itself int.> Christianity? The PREMIER: How should I know ! This is a wonderful age— steam, gas, electric telegraph, onward progress, march of intellect, knowledge is power, and all that. Nothing would astonish me. The DUKE : We do not hope to make any impression upon you, my dear Palmerston; but for the .sake of the credit of the Cabinet, which your theological eccentricities have a good deal damaged— The PREMIER: Come, I like that. lam as good as any of you. d a The DUKE: We are none of us good— The PREMIER: Yes we are, I tell you. I am. Now, then. Didn't I go to church on the Humiliation Day, and behave like a bishop? The DUKE : Well—you see, there are people who think seriously on these matters, and who have been shocked and scandalised at some of your displays. Now, this would be a good opportunity for you to show that you have a sense of what is fitting in connection with such a subject. Have an authorised report inserted in the Times, and modify this objectionable matter into something like conformity with received belief. The PREMIER: But, confound it, I dare say I did say what's printed there—the reporters are deuced sharpwitted. Now, not to remark upon the propriety of my telling a falsehood for the benefit of your religious character, suppose the reporter should hand in his shorthand notes, and they contain what you object to ? I tell you what, you are three deuced good fellows, and remarkably clever in linr but s• have found a mare's nest. Who the d—ickens " I fall, but closely hug this hope, your lines, but you have found a mare's nest. wuo the Which is extremely sweet to me, cares about such a matter. That soon you'll tumbleDiplomcl quite a * And all through * a. s i l e o ." 11. T my Sir G. G.: Thousands on thousands , I am happy to sa y . --nacosin The PREMIER: I wonder where they live whe n the y' re . at home. I never see any of them. But, bless your souls, I'll do anything to