The Press. — London, England, 1854-03-04 00:00:00

MARCH 4, 1854. • 205 MARTIAL JUNIOR 4 111111111111111111111111 THE PRESS. THE STATE "LITTLE-GO." Wa have been favoured with a specimen of the examinations proposed by her Majesty's Commissioners in furtherance of their scheme for placing the Civil Service upon a new academical basis ; and as a matter of course we give them the desired publicity, for the sake of the future Under Secretaries, Tidewaiters, Precis-writers, Light Porters, Framers of Treaties, Accountants, Twopenny Postmen, &c., to whom they are intended indifferently to apply : " Preliminary testimonials of character and bodily health" will be required, with satisfactory answers to the following questions : HEALTH. Has the candidate been properly vaccinated? Has he graduated through the hooping cough, measles, &c.? Is he addicted to " Cockle's Antibilious "? Can he stand a course of Dr. Reid's ventilation without influenza or rheumatism? Could he drink two glasses of the proffered " Oliveira" port without a sensation of colic? How does he sleep ? Is his appetite good? How often does he have his hair cut? MORALS. Is he in possession of a latch-key? Does he carry a cigar-case ? Did he ever succumb to the stimulus of devilled biscuits? Does he play at any games besides chess and draughts? Does he read Bell's Life ? Has he ever been to the herby? Did he throw at the snuff-boxes ? Has he visited the Poses Plastiques ? Assuming that the answers to the above questions are satisfactory, the proficiency of the candidate in classics, mathematics, moral philosophy, history, jurisprudence, political economy, modern languages, political and physical geography, &c. &c., will be tested by such questions as the following:— CLasslcs. Was it a privilege of the Civia Romanta to quit his post without notice and resume it without explanation? Can you state an instance in which any distinguished " Athenian " was baffled in his cultivation of the olive branch for his neglect of the Goddess of Wisdom ? How does the learned commentator Cobdenius explain the passage in the Eumenides commencing " Tirivrovoi "—they strike ? Would Thersites have been silenced by a post in the Greek Admiralty? MATHEMATICS. A point is that which hath no parts—illustrate from the points in Sir Charles Wood's speeches. Prove that a right line is the shortest between two given points, and apply this to the line taken on the Eastern question. ALGEBRA. Given C. A. B. to find W. K. when the latter has no address in the Red Book. MODERN LANGUAGES. Translate " beau role." What is intended by leaving an ally "iaolie " ? Give an example in which "ce chew—" means only " this stupid—". What is the German for " foozle," and the Russian for " acrimonious " ? MORAL PHILOSOPHY. Define conscience. Account for its exclusive possession by the followers of the late Sir Robert Peel. Explain its inconveniences. Discuss the points of casuistry suggested by the case of Dowling v. Sadleir, POLITICAL ECONOMY. Prove that the most conscientious of mankind may buy in the cheapest and sell in the dearest market. Show the bearing of this principle upon the Irish export trade. HISTORY. Describe how the stream of history was wasted until it was employed to turn the mills of Manchester. Show that Hampden bled in the field and Sydney on the scaffold for the representation of a Whig minority in the counties. 11 hat were the consequences of Sir Walter Raleigh's introduction of tobacco, as illustrated in the History of Lord Clarendon ? POLITICAL AND PHYSICAL GEOGRAPHY. State the circumstances which led to the late discovery of the Parana and its tributaries by the present Cabinet. Adduce instances of the exaggerations of former geographers as to the presumed distance between Downing-street and the Vatican. Give proofs of Mr. Gladstone's statement at Manchester that the Ottoman empire is a geographical anomaly. LAW. Can you plead" the general issue" to a note dated" Vienna"? J. R. and Co., London, gave a bond to R. C. and Co., Manchester, that they would draw a bill to a " large " amount in favour of the latter. They drew the bill, but keep it locked up. When sued upon their bond, are they at liberty to plead duresse or to enter a stet processus? A firm of Cabinetmakers avowedly sells all its goods at an " enormous sacrifice." Is this evidence of a fraudulent bankruptcy ? Is invariable failure " the rule in Shelley s case " ? The candidate will be further required to write a letter on a given subject, as for example : FllO3l LORD A. TO HIS EXCELLENCY BARON B. " Your Excellency will convey my humblest submission to his Imperial Majesty, " and assure him that I have exerted my utmost acrimony to connive at his beneficent " designs, but having been foiled by the sinister comments of certain writers in the " PREss, and in consequence committed to a war, my only desire uow to resign and to " prostrate myself atthe feet of his magnanimous compassion. I accompany this painful " tribute with a keg of Loch Fine herrings, which his Majesty may digest without the " fears of Mithridates." Further instructions to candidates may be published as occasion requires THE PEACE PARTY AT ST. PETERSBURG. (From our own Correspondeni.) ST. PETERSBURG, February 20th. You will have seen, no doubt, the ordinary reports in the journals of the reception of Mr. STUROE and his companions by the Czar. But I am able to furnish you with some account of the really interesting conference which followed, when his Majesty (who does not disguise his interest in the Society of Friends, and his thankfulness for the real tendencies of their agitation) entertained them at dinner on Tuesday. lam told that the excitement of JOSEPH was such that he could scarcely eat anything in the Emperor's presence, notwithstanding his appetite has been so improved by the air of St. Petersburg, int that he had such difficulty in overcoming his sense of self-importance that it was not till the dessert came on the table that he was able to take part in the following colloquy : CZAR : Sturge, take a glass of wine. Let me recommend you to the fruit which we both so honour—the olive ! STUMM (breaking the pledge in a moment of excitement): My respects to tutee. I see that thou art beginning to look with favour on our humble efforts in a good cause. Convinced of its justice, I presume to consider myself one of thy best friends. CZAR: My dear sir, I entirely recognise that fact. Your party are the best friends I have. (Joseph bows.) I have bad my eye upon you for years, and have felt convinced that the triumph of the commercial principle, with its attendant results—peace, at all price, abroad, and class warfare for the elevation of agitating " Friends at home—is the best policy which England could pursue for my purposes. STURGE : Thou dost thy humble friend great honour. The page of history— CZAR: Very true, Mr. Sturge. The page of history, as you remark, confirms the views we hold in common. Yours is a highly civilised and ancient country ; Russia a new and, as some of your Radical friends in the journals tells us so often (by the way, I should be delighted to see them here), a barbarous one. You are in the position of old Rome ; we of the northern nations have our position to come. Now, you are acting as consistently as possible. You deify Pecunia ; your motto is vincant divithe (Joseph smiles a sleek approval qf Juvenal); you put down the Lamite, the historic families, to elevate the cobblers ; you propagate a system of expansive philanthropy and laugh at narrow patriotism. In all these matters I recognise the cosmopolite spirit of Manchester. Encouraged by its obliging connivance, I have continued to feel increasing confidence in the Russian position. When I resolved, for the sake of Christianity, to cross the Pruth, I felt that I should be permitted by your Ministers to begin undisturbed. Your populace are now, however, beginning to be agitated by sonic stupid old traditionary "dregs of feudalism" (you see I study your journals)—some lingering old Tory ideas about England's honour, and her traditions, and fair play ! How you and I, Mr. Sturge, laugh at these old-fashioned vagaries ! STURGE (confused, but consequential): Thee understands us, I feel convinced. If I may presume to say so, our humble efforts will result in thy carrying out those Christian principles so dear to us ? CZAR : With your help, Mr. Sturge, I shall carry out my principles. Go on in the blessed work ! Ridicule armies ; teach your people to abhor and insult soldiers ; issue placards against the militia ; obstruct national defences ! My spirit is with you ! But, Mr. Sturge, you must be tired : our northern air is sharp ? STURGE : Not at all ! I have written to Mrs. Sturge to inform our friends through the newspapers — CZAR ( aside, Hang the fellow ! wont take a hint) : I think that we are actually co-operating, and have been for some time. (Pauses.) STUMP: (t 0 himself): Will he withdraw the troops, then , and beg in to disband his armies? (Plucks up courage.) I shall look forward with interest to those measures of thine which will indicate the result of my humble efforts to convince thee. CZAR (aside, This broadbrimmed plenipotentiary is becoming tiresome. N.B.—The Czar has been irritable lately, having been so " sold ' by his friends.) Adieu, Mr. Sturge. Tell your fair co-religionists that when my Cossacks come to London I will enjoin them to respect the coalscuttles in which they shroud their amiable faces. But my Cos sacks are rough wooers, Mr. Sturge, rough wooers. At all events, I thank you for your well-meant exertions. You have done me much good ; and I wish you every success—every success, Mr. Sturge—and my compliments to your friend Cobden. EPIGRA M. In days when Rome's old greatness stood, He who had shed his father's blood Met with an awful doom ; Tied in a sack from heel to nape, With cock, with serpent, and with ape, The water was his tomb ! So ABERDEEN in kindred fix (The parricide of politics, The Russian's friend) we see ; In Coalition sack, with Gums E The serpent—JOHNNY, bantam game— And OSBORN E—sinketh he !