The Press. — London, England, 1853-11-26 00:00:00

708 THE FOG IN DOWNIN G-STREET. E FROM OUK OWN PENNY A-LINER] NEVER in the memory of the oldest female inhabitant of a political locality—we need hardly say that we allude to the Right Honourable the Earl of ARERDEEN—bas there occurred such a series of casualties, accidents, and mishaps, as were occasioned not a hundred miles from Downing-street by the fog of Tuesday last. During the whole of its endurance the various noblemen and gentlemen to whom the interests Of this great stud commercial country are entrusted were exposed to the must painful inconvenienee and misconstruction in consequence of the dense state of the atmosphere. We have taken great pains to collect authentic information upon the subject, but it is but justice to ourselves to state that Lord Atmanrcs, carrying out the tactics for which he has been so remarkable in another place, issued orders that no questions were to be answered ; and therefore, although our accounts are correct., so far as they go, we must share the condition of the rest of the nation, and wait until time shall disclose the full 1111101111 It of Ministerial blundering. We are enabled to state, however, that the Noble Earl sit the head of her Majesty's Government, who left the Treatowy, intending to return to his residence (Argyll-house), was so bewildered by the fog that he actually entered No. 14, Chesham-place South (the Russian Embassy), and declared that ho felt quite glad to find himself sit home. Somewhat later in the day, Viscount l'Atarativost, who had designed to visit the Home-office, walked into the Foreign-office in a mistake, occasioned by the same cause, mid, curiously enough, from the infrequency of his visits to the office to which his colleagues have, for the present, contrived to remtntin Lis activity, was obliged to ask a subordinate to direct him to the department he desired to discover. The Foreign Secretary, de facto, we may mention evinced a remarkable trait of kindness towards those in his employ, and, in consequence of the unwhole some atmosphere and its deleterious influence upon the lungs, removed the restriction by which he lists hitherto limited the senior clerks to eighteen and the juniors to twelve cigars during the hours of public business, adding that he should not think of counting cigarettes. The consequence, unluckily, was, that Mr. BRAIDWOOD, IleeeiVed by the volumes of smoke which issued from the office, brought down the engines several times during the day. The First Commis sioner of Works made a singular mistake, for, deluded by the fog, he kept walking on until he was lost, and then, retracing his earlier steps, found himself at a door on which was a brass plate inscribed " House hold Suffrage Association," to which, it appeared, the baronet had formerly belonged. Ile, however, made his escape with some precipi tancy. Mr. BERNAL ()mom:, on his way from Charles-street to the Admiralty, contrived to turn into Albemarle-street, and, fairly be wildered, went into a house to ask his road. The house happened to be that of Mr. Mummy, the celebrated publisher, where Mr. Osammr, witwithstanding his professed polities, received every attention. and, as I n ' facetiously remarked, JOHN Mummy- assisted his progress snaleriadly, whereas LINDLEY, of that ilk, was always in his way. He arrived at the Admiralty just in time to rut against his ehol, Sir JAMES ilamsmit, whose nwanderings had been no less remarkable, for he had first walked into the Post-office, and, to the exceeding astound ment of the clerks, demanded that all that day's letters should be brought to him to open, and then, excusing himself with his usual blunders, proeceded westward again, and, taking another wrong turn, found himself joining a meeting of a Radical Reform Club, which was just then discussing his own pledge. solemnly given at Carlisle, that the suffrage should be lowered. Finally, he had turned into the Hum se Guards, where he got into talk with some of the men. and, but for being recognised by an officer, would have been turned out tOr broaching the question whether British troops would have mutinied had not Parliament repealed Ilse Corn Laws. An accident, which might have been serious, occurred to the Duke of Anovs.t. who, on being cautioned against proceeding at his usual bold and deter mined pace, ridiculed the advice, and rushed forward until 1w ran his head against a door on the north side of St. .Tames's-square ; but, his Graee's head being softer than he imagined, lw was simply prostrated, and escaped amid the laughter of the bystanders. A singular mis chance befel the Solicitor-Genend, who so completely mistook his direction that 1w was found in the Conservative Club. Mr. HENRI . Frrzßov, who hail breakfasted with some of his old friends at the Canton, succeeded in making his way to Brookes's, where he dined. The only Minister who proved a complete exception to the rule was the CHANcri.toti of the Exestrorra, who proeceded throughout the day with perfect calmness, remarking that a fog was no bail thing after all, for it mystified figures, made any number of courses apparently equally desirable, and was like a Coalition, for it induced individuals to find links who had never before thought thereof. Several of the Ministers met at the festive board in the evening, and Mr. BrasAi. OsacaNi: was exceedingly brilliant during dinner with two new jokes founded on the incident of the day. We are unable to give theta with precision, but we believe one was to the effect that foggy air was ut)thinfli as that bare (pointing to it) had not been mist. ; and the other was a conundrum, inquiring why such a fog was unlike a friVandaill ? An sw er . JJ .11 eCAUI3O you ffityht cut it with a knife." SATURDAY, ST. SOPHIA AND ST. PAUL'S. SCENE.—An Apartment iK the Sultan's OWN` Kiosk ai Constantinopk. L 7 ke SULTAN 14 awe,kimy. REPNCRID PACHA Marrs. The PACHA ( saluting): May the magnificent rays of your High ness's relation, the Sun, perpetually shine upon your Highness. The SULTAN : I have no objection, Puebla, if I have au umbrella to keep my relative off; and so the same to you and all that; and now what is your news ? The PACHA At the moment, your Highness, none. But the shadow of good fortune is assuredly advancing upon the dial of futurity, and I shall shortly be honoured in laying at your feet tidings that the bear's skin has been again torn by your faithful hunters. The SULTAN: I wish we had those wires the Austrians tell their lies with. lam told that if you seratelt one end, and whisper your message, it fulls down a thousand miles off, at the other end, in a beautiful manuscript, illuminated with gold and colours. The DACHA : I would not venture to remind your Highness of a verse in the Koran, which says, " Be not over-hasty to know the new " thing, for surely the old is better," because that, like most other holy sayings, means just what the interpreter likes ; but I would sug gest that good news is always welcome, and ill news always travels fast enough. The SULTAN (laughing) I believe you are no better than an ac cursed infidel, and an abominable son of Sheitan, Pacha—so shut the door, and then come here. [The SI'LTAN pulls out a loog•nerked bottle frum under the (linen, and he and his Minister refresh thrmselres. The SULTAN : Wallah bad ! What do you call that, you old humbug? The Nem: An infidel would call it wine, Highness. The SULTAN : He would. And the Koran tells us to believe th a the infidels speak lies, and to prove our faith by our works. There fore, in token that I discredit the infidel wine-merchant, I drink what Allah forbid I should touch if I believed it to be what he calls it. Eh, Pacha? The Mem: Your Highness's practical theology is unequalled, and so is that wine, except at the British Embassy, and thus your Highness's wisdom naturally brings me to the subject on which I approach the presence. What will your Highness do for these poor English? The SU►.TAN : Their condition is growing more and more pitiable, eh? The New( : The compassion, which is the duty of every Moslem, is pmfoundly affected by their helplessness. The jaws of the bear are opening for them. The SULTAN : They opened for us, I think, Paella. The Newt : It is true, Highness ; and they shut upon our bayonet, not much to their comfort. But the case of these English is different. They cannot resist Russia. We are a nation of gentlemen and soldiers; they are shopkeepers and cowards. We believe in duty; they care fur nothing but money. The fervour of loyalty and devotion which rolled our troops in myriads to the banks of the Danube they sneer at as fituaticism ; and men of authority among them, if they cal culated that an invader would buy more yards of their cotton than are at present sold, would open their gates to him. They will be the bear's victims, and some of them his willing victims. The SULTAN : Really, then, they seem a shy lot. Are they worth helping, Paelm ? The Neils: First, Highness, there is our religious duty, on which I will not insist (They drink); and secondly, weak and effete as they are, it would be advantageous to Turkey to proteot the integrity . of England. I could give your Highness reasons fur this, but am disin clined to bore you. If we let Russia conquer England in Europe we shall ruin friends who, though humble and weak, have good intentions towards us and, unless we save England in Asia from being overrun, the religion of the Prophet, which England tolerates in India, will be exposed to Greek persecution. The SULTAN: 60A, 80 far; but do they see their danger? Are they making no struggles against the enemy. The l'AcuA : On the contrary, Highness, their chief statesman is an old and well-known tool of Russia, and the newspaper they most read is his organ, so long; as he is in power. They are, therefore, at once blinded and misled, and those who tell them the truth are reviled for interfering with trade. Yet it WBB but a few dap since that one of their Ministers called Clarendon was obliged to caution their merchants who trade with Russia not to risk any money, at this juncture, in fulfilling contracts with Petersburg. The SULTAN : And are the Russians menacing England in Asia? The I'AcHA : They have already debauched the princes on the frontier, and are combining with old enemies of England to advance upon the north-western provinces, Highness. The SULTAN : It is well : opportunity serves. We are strong, and must help the weak. England shall be saved. Not, by the beard of my !Miler, as she sought to save us. We will write no foolish des patches surrendering her rights, nor will we exhort her to overlook insults and outrages, while the enemy settles in her provinces. We will teach these Russian sons of burnt fathers a lesson. The IPACHA : I foresaw that such would be your Highness s decree. The SrI.TAN: YOU will bend oil to-day a letter to the Queen England, with my love, and my particular request that she immediately give her Primo Minister the sack. THE PRESS.