The Press. — London, England, 1853-08-27 00:00:00

~~ AUGUST 27, 1853. FASHIONABLE DEPARTURES. OAP/ THE PRESS. RESCRID (mournfully): Mashallah ! It was as I foresaw. It is not my wont to heed dreams, for I have learned from the Frank Hakeems that they are but indigestion. But last night I dreamed that I saw a Bear playing upon a Scotch fiddle, and that you, Padishah, danced to the music like one of the simpering aim who re joice us when our wives are at the Sweet Waters. The dream was from the Prophet, and here is the interpretation thereof. Yet, speak again, Stratford Effendi : we have been friends together. AMBASSADOR : My Government charges me with the most cordial sentiments of regard for his Sublimity, and for the independence of his dominions. But circumstances alter cases. The Premier of England has the fullest confidence in the justice and moderation of the Czar of Russia. If he has crossed the Pruth it was by some inadver tence capable of explanation. If he has deposed the governors of the provinces it was only because he saw that they were not doing their duty. If he has seized the money of those districts, it was only that it might not get into bad hands. If he is concentrating troops upon the frontier, it is for the protection of your Sublimity against some secret foes, whom he has no doubt discovered, for he is the cleverest man in the world. If he is fortifying the ',laces he has seized, it is that he may have the pleasure of handing them over to you in an improved state. If he is costing you millions of piastres, it is that you may understand the real resources of your empire. Such are Lord Aberdeen's convictions, and therefore he thinks it would be grateful in your Sublimity to assent to the wishes of your true friend, Russia, and to leave the rest to hi s magnanimity. It is not necessary for me to add that I am speaking Lord Aberdeen s language, not my own. SULTAN : And this is England ! Allah kerim ! _ . AMBASSADOR (with indignation) : No ! Padishah, this is not England. It is is my duty to my Government to state its views. It is my duty as an English nobleman to say that they are n ot the views of En g land, but that my countrymen have loudly protested, through their repre sentatives, against the course of their Government ; and that ere long they will raise a general shout of indignation at the mode in which you have been treated. At the same time lam bound to recom end to your Sublimity to sanction the present negotiations. SULTAN : Your nation is indignant. Ha ! then one day you may bring me the head of Aberdeen Effendi. AMBASSADOR : I should be sorry to offer your Sublimity a present of so little value. But it will be a good day for me when I can tell you that the Government has lost its head. In the meantime I must commend this " note "to your Sublimity's consideration. I have the honour to withdraw, but must beg to impress upon your Sublimity that my Government charges me with the most cordial sentiments of regard for your Sublimity, and for the independence of your do minions. [Exit. SULTAN: Dourlet ichbalileh—with the fortune of a prince. But as for that treacherous Aberdeen Scotchmun of a Lord, may Allah— (His Sublimity's execrations become confused in their intinsity, and are echoed by Reschid Paeha.) VOICES OF THE DOG-DAYS. Now that the parliamentary session is over, it becomes a matter of some curiosity to inquire what has become, or is to become, of sundry of the geniuses of public life whose brilliancy, or apparent brilliancy, belongs entirely to the " season." The pensive Cockney, when wandering iu the gardens of 'Vauxhall, must often have mused on those little lamps which go to form letters and devices in illumination. How ignoble and insignificant is each little glass fellow next morning, when it lies by itself, and its glitter is over! How a batch of gentlemen shines as a brigade ! Ah ! how different the lot of the individual unit in the retirement of his suburban Laura! Turn to the Manchester Orator. He has halla dozen times—with brazen brow, and fluent tongue—impeached all the potentates of Europe, to gratify the evening's mob. His audience are gone back to short pay and strikes—the cheers have died away—and he, passport in pouch (he has described himself therein as " a gentleman," which the continental authories will not translate gentilhonme), is wandering down the Rhine, and musing on the " barbarism " of the builders of the Cathedral of Cologne. In his travels (and ho has always an eye to Trade, rather than Beauty—for he never forgets the " Bag ") he will meet probably Cockles, the editor of the " Rasper." Cockles knows him—they encounter as potentates in the calico—where those rumours and scraps of mis understood fact circulate, which are the substance of what Cockles calls " Politics." Cockles is recruiting himself after the fatigues of lashing the British Constitution—his great employment during the session. He esteems himself great in his assaults on that venerable machine ; and takes advantage of his being allowed to get up behind, to bespatter it with dirt. He is now temporarily retired from his pride of place, and is peacefully making a tour, disguised as a private individual of respectability. O'Squash, O'Flighty, and O'Doo, have agreed together to take a set of rooms at Boulogne. O'Squash (having drawn a bill on his next quarter's salary at the Ragbag-office) pays for the party, and patriotism will be neglected for billiards and abundant brandy. But the political fellows are, perhaps, to be envied in losing im portance, and getting a little wholesome recreation. The stars, worst off, are a little social luminary or two, that we have in our eye—who rise into a kind of importance in the time of the season, as dandelions blossom in summer time. They bloom forth into some little notice about Easter, and are to the society into which they contrive to get as serviceable in their way as Ousrma's men. They come in with Squallini, the Cannibal Catires, the new novel, and the early peas ; they disappear when the season is over, and few know whither they depart. They will be seen in May again, you may be sure, having prepared their jokes and their campaign plans as carefully as the birds build their nests. We have such a one in our eye (as Smear: had his captive) ; we shall see in a day or two, we know—(together with the few subscribers of the paper where it is destined to appear)—that, among the " De partures," with the Earl of —, Lord —, Mr. Endall, of Rosemary, &c."—all bent on the country—went a certain " AIMAIIAM We shall muse on that paragraph with wonder and admiration ; the gentle section of the public who see it will know nothing of the degree of " distinction" attached to the individual, but will probably conclude that he is distinguished. We shall give ourselves up to meditation, which may be reduced into the fi►llowing shape I. If a man indulges himself in serving up his spite to a select circle of subscribers, does that justify him in announcing his move ments to these people through the same columns? 2. Is it possible to combine in one's own person Junius and Jack Brag ? CHRISTOPHER ANNTET has the following:— " O'er thy tomb may pot-Motiaoms and marjoram wave, And fat be the gender that feeds; on thy rare If the late Sir ItosEnt FnnL has not, had this good fortune, and his gander is in such bad condition that he requires the stimulant of fresh breezes, it would be well if he cackled of hi►s whereabouts less obtrusively. ONE WHO DoESN'T FEAR AN " ANSER." ri A PARTY, having, in consequenee of th e rise of the House, a good deal of spore time uu his hands, would be glad t occupy the same with advantage. To a country r. ntleman desirous of annoying orb of the neighbouring Clergy, or of getting up a qm:i rel with any Archdeacon, or even Wshop, the Advertiser's servicca would be invaluable. Has a quantity of grievances un hand which could easily be fitted to any locality. Address, Sir B. IL, Marylebutic Vestry. PROTEST OF THE NEW TAXPAYERS AGAINST THE CHANCELLOR OF THE EXCHEQUER. Bow, wow ! Mr. CHANCELLOR, Bow, WOW, wow! Your pretensions to tax us we don't allow. At the time you were throwing a tub to the whale. You were not too proud to angle for sprats. But what we want to know, without fail, Is why you tax'd us, and not the cats. From your innermost motive lift the veil. Is it because we worry the rats ? Mr. GLADSTONE, we do not credit a word Of the various excuses we have heard. What if we bark at beggars and brats, And roll upon College garden plats, And sprinkle carpets and moisten mats, Or take up with Punch and the Acrobats, These habits afford no clue. To be classed with the funds and the assignats, Oh, no ! Mr. GLADSTONE, we're not such flats ! It's all along of our feud with the rats, That your vengeance makes us rue. Though you frown upon tandems, and balls, and bats, And the jovial brew•age of famous vats, And pretty girls, and their pleasant chats, — Though we know you're prudish and stern, — This was none of your fine " justitia fiats," But one of your personal tit for tuts ; And, because we're given to worry the rats, You worry us in return. TRAY, BLANCHE, AND SWEETHEART.