The Press. — London, England, 1853-11-05 00:00:00

A QUIET SMOKE. "The Turleah Minister visited the Earl of Clarendon yeatonlay."—rmol cirrutor. Lord CLARENDON : Ah, your Excellency ! Very glad to See you. Salaam alaikoom. Come, is that right? Ha! ha! TURKISH MINISTER : Tahib, tahib—good. But indeed, my Lord, you English have the gift of the double tongues. Fret, yes. Lord CLARENDON : Ha! ha! Shall I order a pipe, or will you take one of my cigars? I can warrant them. TURKISH MINISTER: hiShanalt, I will take one. I have indeed great reliance in your smoke. We shall not now speak together of y o ur ire. 1.0111 CL►RENDON : Fire ! By Jove, your Excellency, you are taking all the work out of the hands of your friends. So you have crossed the Danube, eh, and occupied Kalafat, and the provinces are declared to be in a state of siege? Bravo! We shall have you r ound Vienna next, and Francis Joseph on the top of St Stephen's, looking out for another John Sobieski. TPRKISII MIND4TER : Do you call unto your mind, my Lord, the words in your Koran, on which a Vienna mond' preached after the rescue of the city by Sobieski? Lord Ct.AnEmnos : Let inc see. Monckton Milnes told me he had made a poem on them. But. I have forgotten. Tuamotu Mistsran : I think they were " A man eame forth whose name was John." When another man comes forth whose name is John—Do you know him'' Lord CLARENDON : Is he a Viscount, and jaunty ? TURKIrrII MININTER : Very well. Inshallah, in that day Vienna may shake, and your justing may become true. Perhaps we shall melt back the big bell into the hundred and eighty guns which it pleased Allah we should lose. Lord CLARENDON : Well, who knows ? If you take up your quarters on the Stephan I'latz tell you where to get good tobacco. But, in the meantime, have you got anything to say about this last news? I suppose Omer Peeha is particularly uncomfortable. TURKISH MINISTER: I suppose there arc several uncomfortable people near that river of Sheitan, the Danube. May it roll liquid tire into the hottest lake of Gehenna! Lord CLARENDON : Why, my dear Ambassador, the Danube is the best friend you have. TURKISH MINISTER: BOekallooni. We shall see. Yes, it is like your notions of friendship : it keeps us from getting near the enemy. Lord CLARENDON : You ought to be much obliged to us. See how we have enabled you to put forth all the resources of your country, and make it respectable show in the eyes of Europe. You would have had no idea of your own strength if we had fought the battle t i n• you, as your Man Jahn wanted t►► do. TURKISH MINISTER : It is well. At any rate it is done, and it is bite to remember the fast when you have eaten the kabobbs. But shall we get our money—this loan ? What do your Armenians say ? Lord CLARENDON : They are deucedly frightened lest you should take the money, and suddenly find some text in the Koran forbidding you to pay it back again. If you had no religion a religious nation would like you better. TURKISH MINISTER : We paid hack the other money to the French men, with usury. Lord CLARENDON ; You did ; and, for my part, I would advance this on your word, if it were my business. But I need not tell yore• Excel lency who is tiling to spoil that game for you, and who dictates news paper articles intended to chill the lenders of money front trusting you. Truman MINISTER : Your chief? The Scottishman? The friend of the Russian Emperor? May his grave be defiled ! Lord CLARENDON : Jo no prie eomme toi, seals je prie (tree toi, as Lamartine says. However, I hope you will get the money, if only to please Aberdeen. But, to return to business, has your Excellency anything official to communicate ? TrRIISH MINISTER : Yoke. Lord CLARENDON : Nor have I. But of course we are watching you with great interest., and noticing can occur to alter the duty which we owe to you and to Europe. TIMMS!! MINISTER : 0, bosh, yes. I read all that in Lord Aber deen's morning paper. Also I know what it means, with your funds up at 95, and French Three per Cents. at 99 francs 90 centimes. Lord CLARENDON : By Jove, Excellency, how well you learn tignres. I did not know half so much; but I see by the papers that you are make out of that? Peace. That you have all of you made up your It to talk for us as long as we like. lam nnotlier cigar. :NO THE PREMIER. the assistance of a eertain eminent Fellow says that be has obtained the Danubilm , . . • • 1, THEATRICAL ON DIT. WE are requested by Mr. CHARLES KEAN to contradict the report that he had engaged I.ord ABERDEEN to perform, at the Windsor theatricals, the lhiserimy Seotehmon. The malevolent rtunonr arose from its having been generally remarked that his Lordship had lately been practising the double shuttle. SATURDAY, MINISTERIAL SACRIFICES. " Tu effect the junction of parties necessary to enable mini take office, we had to make great sacritioes."—Sir Charles Wood at Halifax, Oct. 27. SOME little doubt having been cast upon the accuracy of the above statement by certain coarse-minded persons who are unable to place that perfect confidence in Ministers which their habitual frankness, candour. and sincerity demand, Sir CHARLES Woon has applied to Downing•s`.reet for such particulars as would citable him to substantiate his allegation. It appears that. shortly after the accession of the pre. sent Ministry to office, Lord ABERDEEN invited his colleagues to scud in such particulars of their supposed claims upon the gratitude of the country as they might feel disposed to furnish, and these little bills have been placed at the command of Sir CHARLES Woon. He has sent c o pies to the journals, ourselves among the rest, and we have no hesitation in lending our aid in making public what certainly supports Sir CtiAm.Es in his Halifax statement. The first bill on the tile is naturally that of the CHANCELLOR of the ExenEerra, who may be presumed to be readiest at accounts. It is as follows : .1. lit Lt. to W. G. For the sacrifice of a large quantity of Coma native sentiments laid in at Oxford and elsewhere for several years past, and in 0,(100 per annum. very good condition For the sacrifice of the °logical objections to discuss Church I No extra charge. questions with the Editor of Hobbes Dr. The next bill handed in was that of the Lord Privy Seal J. llut.t. to D. of A. Dr. For the sacrifice of iny dignity and of my sense of what was dne to the most exalted and logical intellect in the Legislature, £2,000 per anntun. by consenting to hike any office except that of Premier ....JJJ We then find it document presented by the First Lord of the Admiralty:— .1. 1111.1. Sir J. 0. For the sacrifice of my political principles. [N.B. 1 Imam this rharge under protest ?against being asked to send iu &row per =num which for several " reasons why " would be inconvenient, and indeed impracticable.] With the bill of the First Lord comes that of the Secretary:— J. Iteu. to It. B. 0. Dr. Fur the sacritiee of eleven Joe Millers, skilfully fitted into Radical speeches of extreme violence, which I had intended to let oft and such .10es being thereby rendered useless ) in my new situation tat fourpence per Joe) For the sacrifice of my independence.. Dr. 41,500 per annum. Dr. The fifth is the really valid claim of the Home Secretary :- 3. Ira i.t. to Lord P. For the sacrifice of my natural reluctance to accept office tinder a pave of antiquated imbecility," and with men who in• ft-limed me out of place at Christmas, 1551 (without charging £5,000 per annum. for my objection to taking •ay other than the office of Foreig► Secretary) This is followed by Lord JOHN RessuLes memorandum .1. ltt•t.t. to J. H. For the sacrifice of my dignity in consequence of my taking the office of Foreign Secretary when I don't speak Freud., ocio per swam. and consequently Wall obleeged to have a clerk in the room with me to explain what the Foreign Ambassadors said I For the sacrifice of the above salary, after a very short innings, in consequence of the extreme awkwardness arising from my ignorance of foreign parts, and the scandal excited by my l «•hat you please. complaining to the Neapolitan tiovenunent that I could only I find one Sicily on the map instead of the Two ones over ) which the Xing of Naples claims to reign The First Commissioner of Public Works has, of course, his chum Dr. .1. Ilvt.t. to W. M. Fur the sacrifice of all the Radical doctrines I hate been pro- i xj,500 per annum. mitigating for so many years Dr. Oddly enough, though Sir CHARLES WOOD himself talked of •" sacrifices," he does not appear to have made any, or, which is still more extraordinary, to have taken credit for any. But on the back of one of the bills is a memorandum, apparently in the handwriting of the Premier, and is as follows. We hope we do not commit an indis cretion in printing it : " India and her interests mast be futerificed. It is very distressing, for C. W. is quite incapable of the work; but there is really no alternative." So that, after all. there was a sacrifice in Sir CHARLES'S case, though he had the modesty not to make it a matter of boast. Last of all, as might be expected, comes the Premier himself null. to 0. IL 0. A. Dr. For the sacrifice of my Conservative theories in consenting to head a Radical Oovernment ; for the sacrifice of my personal dignity in agreeing to unite with men who have called me all sorts of names for years ; for joining P., who hates my friends 46,000 per annum. the F.'s of IL and A.: for joining M., who is a Freethinker; for joining .1. R., who brought in the Aggression Bill I denounced ; and, lastly, for sacrificing a few remains of repu tatiuu We have, therefore, much pleasure in saying that, hating con sidered these bills. we fully believe with Sir CHARLES WOOD that the Members did make " sacrifices " in order to take office, and we have reason to think that day by day those sacrifices arc better appreciated by the nation. ttui;;_. right. But what do you mall TERRISH MINISTER : PCSC fight for us, but 14' so? •.;' N : Take , MEANT 14 ircif dur tin ua ttude for t.l Al the An* Society) S prorinoes pp. r.A.s. et THE PRESS. 616