The Press. — London, England, 1853-11-26 00:00:00

NOVEMBER 26, 1853. The PACHA : I fear that English customs are opposed to capital punishment in such eases, Highness. The SCLTAN : Redschid. you are a shocking old pump, and do not profit by your intercourse with your friends the attoehes to the Ent hussy. 1 have used a common English term for dismissal. The l'AettA (*ldyl: I wish I dared ask your Highness where you flet your slang. It would be indiscreet to inquire whether , in the ower-pots of the Imperial sentil, there blooms any rose which onco blossomed in the gardens of the West,. The SmrAx (demure/0 : It would, and don't you do it. But write the letter to the English Queen ; and instantly order twelve of our best men-of-war to England. Let six anchor at the mouth of their foul river, to defend it—let otto of roses be served out to protect the men from the ill odour—and let the either six cruise on her eastern coast ; and let the order be, that the first Russian vessel any of theta see is to be immediately blown to Sheitatt. We have said it. We will protect our ally. As for the Asiatic England. we shall have destroyed Woronzow in another week,andthearmy shall get on eastward, and chas tiseeverybody right and left. Get the palace astrologer to make k tt the fortunate hour, and. Inshallath, we'll let these Russians know what's o'clock. We will protect the integrity of poor England. Let us drink to her salvation from her present disgrace and danger. (They (Mak.) SKETCHES OF RADICALS. 7. THE RADICAL LECTURER. PASSING the other day by the stately portals of the Psycho- Gymnasium, I saw that a Radical of this order was about to deliver some lectures. The prognimme was so characteristic of the individual that I transcribed and now publish it : Mosimv.—The Eleusinian Mysteries. TeEtWAY.—The YOliall Harp. .WEDNEKDAY.—The Potato Disease. THCRNDAY.—ItaIy in the Middle Ages. Fainmr.—The People, during the Wars of the Roses. SATURDAY.—The Megatherium; With a Digression on the Belles Lettres. SUNDAY.-PAUL. (The subject of Sunday's leetnre, you will ol'wn • e, has liven docked by our friend of the appendage " St.," in conformity with the taste of an enlightened age.) Where did the Professor acquire all this learning? Who knows? Switt tells us of a man of his dad• Renowned by nit for writing we• 11, Although be ne•Ver knnu•dl to spell. I suppose that every age produces such geniuses. Certain it is that the Professor of whom I am speaking was unknown, except 104 a tailor's apprentice, till he was prosecuted for blasphemy. I can only suppose, then, that he has loftier intellect than others of the age who labour from early youth (after beginning with every advantage) at books, and yet never pretend to such extent and variety of erudition. The fact is, the Professor is odorous of cheap cyclopashas, and reeking with second-hand iniseellaneous information. If he wanted to " lecture" on Cicero he would turn up the familiar pages mechani cally. Cat—Cataphism—Catapult—Cigar—Vicero (M. tnllius)—and at once go to work. The bee makes its honey for itself front the flowers ; the cockroach helps itself to sugar ready made, which gives it an immense advantage over the bee ! The Professor (whom I shall designate " Cockroach," with your permission, from the resemblance) loves this policy. He patronises " Latin without a Master"—by dint of which he makes himself " a Master without Latin "! I say a Master, because he always assumes to belong to the great educational staff of the world, and is invariably denouncing the standard and hereditary notions about literature current in society. Now, I should find no fault with the Radical Lecturer, I should he glad in fact that he did lecture, and get listened to, if he would not make the employment a vehicle for aiding the " general over throw." I could wish, too, that he was less " cocky " and sell laudatory. But my complaint is, that of the swarms of lecturers throughout the land (who lecture with any " purpose " at all)-1 mean the regular staff of the institutions—the upshot of the discourse is, that we live in an enlightened age—tileas% hear)—and that general progress of :society—(/4ar, l u 'ar)—that. in Mil, it is the business of every young fellow of an intelligent turn to be disgusted with English institutions, and to help Cockroach to bring about a Future (with the largest of Fs) which is to put all to rights. In truth, I complain altogether of the system, of the very foundations of the education which these lecturers with congenial " institutions " and congenial newspapers propose to give the people. Suppose we were to begin now, by being just a little illation', of the overwhelming excellence of the century ? It is nothing inure than proposing what is as old as the hills dike everything that is worth much in this world), a little more modesty in the presence of history and nature. But then, to do this, we must not tell our pupils that a man who now attends Professor Telescope on astronomy knows more of astronomy than Kepler did. Everybody must be familiar with this sort of vaunt. It is applied to every pursuit. Following the same idea, you might say that Cockroach, after reading an exposition of the researches of Niehbuhr, knows more of antiquity than Casaubon and Sealiger did. In one sense there is some meaning in the proposition. But, because I go to Birmingham in the railway so much faster, it does not prove that my strength is greater than that of my ancestor... The value of knowledge is chiefly in the discipline by which it is attained. Gymnastics are useful, not that at the end of the course you may be able to play football better, but for the sake of the good that is done to your system by the training. But, according to the modern practice, the moral effect of education is lost. After the lectures of Cockroach and his crew. the scholar. ennumed with generalisations and results. minims personally as weak as ever. It is like feeding a donkey with nutearoons : he munches the very upshot of the baking of centuries, and very niee he thinks them, I dare say but a good gallop and a bundle of thistles would be better for his carcase. The same evil . pursttes the system through every ',art of it. You teach " reading and " and the pupil reads Sproggs, and copies out a tine passage about the " licentious Monarch." Here is a charming prospect for the well-intentioned Radical. who only wants a cheap ne ws impel. in order to work wonders! Sproggs has got the readers before him. 'they are educated can read and w a nd. M esa y o u ! a re oft to Sproggs! Some day the respectable Radical will find that he has lawn playing into the hands of a worse foe than the " aristocrat." And why are we in this plight ?Clillhe the whole set of modern agitation has been against all authority, all government.—against government—the institution generally. Every main breaks loose [Punt his neighbour. the dock front his parson, and so forth. To help their own ends the Itaa,licals have done their best to break up the obi nays everywhere. in education the result of this becomes most strikingly apparent ; for the well-intentioned Radical. rather than spare the Church and the Aristocracy, has handed over the masses to Ibldiralig of an inferior grade, who are as opposed to hist as he is to laws and church. This movement has been in progress ever since the Liberals, in the heyday of the education cry, managed to make education identical with anti-Church and State polities, which they did. So that Professor Cockroach and his friends coolly assume that revolutionary ideas and " enlightenment" are synonymous. To be of "enlarged views" is to despise traditions altogether. The Professor is given to eccentricity of eostume. His youthful hearers esteem him no "common man." Ile pauses and gazes (lino ' the infinite, it is supposed) with a meditative air before commencing. sometimes he parts his hair in the middle. His collar is peculiar. Ile is intolerant of intemiption. Ile loves to startle with short sentences, pregnant with surprising matter. The youth come away bloated with self-conceit, and intolerant of existing institut• s. They shake their heads, and talk of " culture." Nothing is •V noticeable than the variety which Radicalism has preyed susceptible of during the last twenty years. The old fashioned British Radical is nit alone in his glibly Mystie, the Radical Divine, the Radical Lecturer, are all varieties of the tribe, in presence of whom the sturdy and wooden old utilitarian feels flustered and oft* his equilibrium. I her Professor is one aft nice the most active mid influential of all. And while education is eon. sidered something only intellectual (and is only that, as far as theme professors eon make it soh while it is based on no 11101'111 Watling. governed by no superior principles, gllll seellls to I'V.frirt. authmity on system, why, the Professor is likely to be a man of some infin e ne e . In the meanwhile we eon laugh at him 'Personally, and at the ignorance which after all eliaractoises his school. Nte can likewise see still more clearly than ever the paltry results of self-government carried to excess ; inia that " every man for himself, and God for us a 11 ,,, leads very directly to Clod being for none of us. CHIMNEY ARISTOCRACY. Of Cottonville 11181111C114 and Cottonville folks A great deal is heard in the Cottonville press ; But their much-vaunted " progress " all turns out a hoax, If we look at their manners, and rood of them less. They boast that they hold all men equal in rank ; That never they bend to the lofty in station ; They only believe " Divine right " in the Bank, And make faet'ry ehinineys the gauge of the nation If you go to a Cottonville dinner you'll meet The Cottonville " nob" looking round him quite grimly, And you'll find his importance is measured by feet, And those feet are the height of his Nebo.) , chimley." If two Cottonville millowneth meet in the street, And one " cuts " the other with WTOI quite haughty, Why, the one is a gnindee of two hundred feet ; The other a poor little factor of forty ! If Lady Millowner gives cards for a fete, No Nlayliiir assembly will be more " select;' What eiu•e that no visitors be eceond•rate! She'll pick the tall chimneys—the low fines rejert. She'll walk round the rooms, with the " lion," to show The largest of chimneys, who'll bow very primly ; And happy she'll be that her party will know She can get at her Pies so important a " chiniley "! Ifur slaughter may meet, and may dance sit a bid!, With a dashing youngbankrupt, who's just " passed the court;" The vigilant mother will soon to her call, " Marlow! you ought to know better—you ought'" " got hia certificate, Mar," she'll reply: " I think a first-class, Mar."—" I Mont care for that ; The two largest chimleys are ready to die For a waltz or a polka, girl ! What are you at? You leave them to dance with a twin whose estate lists only just ►paid one and six in the pound !" " Your and six, Mar, it paid."—" Hull your tongue ; too latc— The two largest ehimleys fresh partners have found r Still the boast is they hold all mess equal in rank; That never they bend to the lofty its station ; They only believe "Divine right " m the Bank, Anti wake fact'ry chimers the gauge of the nation ! THE PRESS.