The Press. — London, England, 1858-09-04 00:00:00

THE PRESS, SEPTEMBER 4, 1858, remarks, if described after dinner to a party of people in very high spirits, might excite the sort of amusement which Mr. Ilardcastle's servants were accustomed to derive from the story of " Old Grouse in the Gun-room ; " but it would not do for hearers who are fastidious as to the quality of their wit. The following " balcony scene "—the Romeo being a hackney coachman, the Juliet a " Polly " of all work—will afford as good a sample of Mr. Hastings's idea of fun as any other : At eleven o'clock Mary sought her dormitory, which was • small room over the scullery, the window of which looked into the yard. In a few minutes the back street door opened gently, and was as gently closed by the late visitor ; with cautious tread he mounted the sill of the scullery window, which enabled him to reach the top of the wall that divided the two houses. Polly leaned forth from her chamber, as all the paintings represent Hero, when they forget she was on a tower and a beacon by her ; and Polly asked, in muttered tones, " Is that you, Etry ? " " Yes, love ! " "Get on the rain tub, then ; put yer leg that way—there, that's it," and the persevering suitor stood with his nose on his maid's window-sill, and his feet on the wooden cover of the rain•tub. " is it quite safe, love—this here Dover?" " Yes, I think so, if ye don't shuffle ; " and so in that ro• mantic position they billed, and cooed, and rehearsed all the droll things of the day. Polly broke a silence that had existed for a few minutes. " Eh, you were a funny 'un to go and kiss me a that road in the dark," says she. " Me kiss you! why, that's jist what I wanted to." " And didn't ye ?" she exclaimed. " Indeed I didn't, my girl." " Well, then," said she, amazed to the utmost, " it was some other feller !" It was a fearful blow for " Effy " that anybody had taken some of his honey from the rosebud, and especially to take it by such a mean stratagem, but he said nothing. " Has it made yer think? " inquired Polly timidly. " IL has, love ; what was his lips like ? " " Oh crikey, Effy, I never thought o' that; they might a been plaguy rough, for I thought they were yours." Polly did not mean any slight in her remark whatever, nor did Effy feel any ; but it is best to caution our reader against imagining such was intended. She merely confessed what many girls dare not, that kisses soon lose their savour, and become " insipid things, like sandwiches of veal," even the hottest ones. An alarm having been given, the lover gets soused in the tub, and mistress and maid faint : " What is it, watchman ? " faintly demanded Kate. " Have ye got 'em all safe, and what they've stolen ?" " Tt's the eat, ma'am," replied Mary,also coming to. "Ours ?" asked Kate, in ectaaiea that it was not a gang of housebreakers. . . "No, mum," interposed watchy, door." "the one from next "Oh, then, come down," said Kate, " and take something warm before you go." " Something warm ! " thought Ephraim with a sigh. The watchman made a sign of doing u he was desired, and Kate went down towards the staircase. Watchy looked out of the window, " Keep quiet there a bit," said ho to the man in pickle ; "I'll go round to the back and get you out." " What's that," asked Kate, " that's outside ?" coming back and walking to look into the rain•tub. " It's the cat, mum ! " observed watchy. " Drowning? " Raked she. Something like it, thought Ephraim. Kate went nearer, to look exultingly at the cense of their fears suffering a watery death; and watchy, thinking his friend would yet be discovered, stooped down to the further must and whispered, " Put your head under water." Kate looked over ; " Have yea stick ?" she asked. " Oh, don't be crud, ma'am, to a dumb critter I " "ft's not dead yet," said Kate, seeing the waters power- fully troubled, with a heavy sea on them. " No mum " rejoined watehy, but soon thinking it would be; but Kate moved away, just as Ephraim—choosing between exposure and drowning—selected the former, and showed his head noisily above the liquid. The watchman went downstairs, and accepted &goblet of alcohol from the hands of the grateful Kate, who now breathed freely, and afterwards left ; and by means of his knife lifted the latch of the back door, and freed his friend from his eccentric and damp position. " What a noise it must have made! " remarked Kate, as she went back to bed, followered by Mary. " Yes, mum ; p'eaps it was a Tom." This is not particularly refined, but, coarse as it is, we prefer it to the passages where the author attempts the sublime and beautiful. We do not know whether he is determined to stick to litera ture. To recommend him to write more novels with a greater sacrifice to the graces, and the omission of the above flowers of fiction, would be hike asking for more tripe without onion-sauce. We rather counsel him, it he trill put pen to paper, to toss up one of his highly-spiced dishes in a slightly different form, for the al,tdietme of 110133 C trar,tspolltine theatre, 2. This " romance " exemplifies many of the faults shown by beginners at fiction. Its authoress relied on her fluency of language and rapid power in forming sentences. She can construct a plot tolerably well, but she cannot endow her characters with life; they are not even as good as well-dressed lay-figures. She tells a tale of perils and conspiracies, interspersed with incidents meant to be romantic, but she fails in moving the reader's mind. We should recommend her to practise copying from living persons, and endea vouring to conceive characters with distinctness. The scene of the romance is placed in the north of Ireland, the time being nearly contempora neous with the first French Revolution; and the kind of life attempted to be depicted would require the resources of a skilful historical novelist. But the dramatis persorue talk and think in the style of 1858. There is contrast of classes, but not of character, in the volumes. The writer has peers, priests, and peasants in her work, but she does not portray their various feelings with skill or knowledge of effect. The plot of the work, involved as it is with the con spiracy of the " Steelboys" in Ulster, is not well suited for a female pen ; and it would have been better for the authoress to have selected a subject requiring feminine instincts and know ledge, than one with so much evil passion and violence in its p ages. In the middle of the second volume the attack on a gentleman's house in Ireland is thus de scribed : The ladies at Lanraville had been busy with their pre parations all the evening, and our heroine's thoughts, I believe, were even more occupitd with George, and the embarrassment, and, perhaps, injury, which her disap pearance might occasion him, than even with her absent lover. She tried in vain to devise some plan for seeing him again, or for conveying to him the relics she had in charge. She knew not even how to leave for him a re assuring message, in case he should inquire for her. Norrey she assuredly dare nct trust, and Mary, the old cook, was both deaf and dull. While tormented with these difficulties, she had some trouble to give coherent replies to Mrs. Vining's questions or remarks. That lady, delighted as a child at the near prospect of exchanging a tete-a•tete companionship with her sedate sister, for the gay prattle of Mrs. Fitzgerald, itas in the highest spirits ; for, unfortunately, it rarely happened that these two sisters had their feelings tuned in unison. Another moment, however, and they became so, although —to continue the figure—it was in a different key from the last. Suddenly. voices were heard in altercation ; one of them was Norrey's ; and almost at the same moment the door of the r.iom burst open, and a man, with black crape over his face, rushed forward, dragging the servant-girl with him. " Stir, and I will kill yon !" he cried to her as he loosed his hold. " Laura! Quick! Barricade the windows! It is I I " cried George, tearing the crape from his face, and rushing to the indicated work. Almost at the same moment, Mary, the cook, burst into the room, with eyes wide staring and mouth agape, brandishing a spit which she had caught up for her defence ; gasping with terror, and scarcely able to articu late, she exclaimed : " Och, murther, intirther ! Arks Laura, what will we do ? The garden is filled with Steelboys ! " One brief exclamation of terror, and then both Captain Vandeleur's daughters were as collected, if not as cool, as though they were trained in dangers. Mrs. Vining saw that Laura knew and trusted the stranger, and without asking a question, she followed with promptitude all his directions. Already the shutters were barred, and the tables and chairs were piled up against them, when a fearful shout was heard, and a volley of atones shattered every pane of glass in the lower rooms. " Where are the firearms ? " cried George. " Come ! " was Laura's laconic reply ; and seizing a light she led the way up stairs, followed by the rest of the temfied little party. There was less lack of arms, than of those who could use them; but each seized some weapon, in the delusive notion that it might protect her. George looked caretully at the loading of a musket, and renewed the priming, from a powder•!! isk which Laura silently held towards him, then approached a window which commanded the garden. " Do not fire !" whieperei Laura; " it wili only exas perate them." "Of course not," replied George, " nntil there is need. Now leave this room all of you, and hide where you can be safest ; they seem to be consulting together just now ; but we have no shutters here, and, doubtless, these windows will go next." "Come with ns then to the dressing-room," said Laura. "Its only window is a small one at the end of the house, and we shall be safer there—.for the present." "No ; ga all of you. Mind that girl; do not let her out of your sight. She betrayed you; ■nd be sure )ou tell me if there is anything new. I will observe them here ; but oh ! why did you not take my note yesterday, Laura ? Before this time you could bare 4ail a suani, as ; Users edvMed." " Your note ! when? Were you the ragma n ? " Yes." " AL, you were too well disguised !" George had disguised himself as a ragm an on the day before, but Laura had not recognised.hnn. and the attack is thus reported to have been cnt : ried on : Again a rattling volley of stones, th e s h arp sound of shivered glass, the cold air rushing in, the yell of th e rattans below, the shrill shrieks of the women servant, made a medley of terror and confusion ; in the midst;,( which the females all crowded scrambling together into the dressing-room, trembling and clinging to one another, he t happily almost unhurt. is • " Oh, it is my fault !it my doing !" cried Norrey, flinging herself at the feet of her mistress, and embracin g them passionately. " We'll all be murdered, and 'Weston that did it !" "You! What is it that you have done ?" demanded Laura sternly. " You wretch ! you brought the Steelboys on us! " ex. claimed Mrs. Vining. " Not the Steelboys ; I didn't know ! It's that Callaghan, dear Miss Laura! You warned me often against hitu. I was to let him in, just him, for no harm almost as I thought, and oh, Miss, Mies, the whole of them would have been in now, bnt for that young man ! He knocked Callaghan down by the door, and sprung in first, then drew the bolts and up with its shutters in a jiffey, and dragged me away with him." There was no time for more words, a fresh sound eau* their ear, heavy blows struck repeatedly and deliberately upon the front door of the house. " Gracious Heaven ! we are surrounded !" exclaimed Mrs. Vining, and rushed away to consult with the stranger who had so opportunely come to their assistance. Laura, who was nearest to the window, had her attention rivetted upon another object, from which she could not take her eyes. The night was almost dark, except when the wanin; moon struggled for brief intervals through clouds and fog, and made things dimly vis Aile ; but Laura knew so well each feature of the scene, that she could detect, more readily than a stranger, the smallest change. Tho window at which she stood was, as I have said, the only one in the gable end of the house ; opposite to it nn a wall of masonry, at a distance of fully ten feet, the top of which was within a foot or two of being on a level with the sill of the window. Along the summit of this wall Laura perceived a liege dark object, gliding or moving stealthily along. She strained her eyes through the gloom, she wiped the glare, sullied with vapour, and held in her breath; the object, whatever it was, approached slowly and with evident caution, stopping from time to time, and its form seemed constantly varying to her sight, still becoming more defined in its outlines as it drew more near. Suddenly a coarse !rake from below cried out, there ! who is that upon the wall?" There was no respome, " Answer, or I'll stone you!" cried the voice. " Friend or foe ? the word !" . " Fool ! don't you see it's only a dog? " said another man near him ; come, on with you to the front." " If it is but a dog there's the less harm to give him a stone," returned the other ; " they have vicious brutes bare !" The object hurried forward much more quickly thin before, and the moon gleaming forth from the burning rack of clouds, Laura saw, indeed, the head of the watch dog Wolf, clearly relieved for a moment against the illumined portion of the sky; but not Wolf alone: a bums form sprang suddenly erect, swung forward his arms, and with almost supernatural vigour leaped upwards suddenly, and dashed himself head foremost through the closed window, scattering the glass and slight framework helots him. The women servants recoiled, filling the air with shrieks: Laura herself started backwards, paralyzed for a moment with astonishment and dread at such an act of boldness: but instantly recollecting the imminence of the peril in a which she stood, she snatched the spit from MarY trembling hand, and just sa the prostrate invader was rising to his feet, taking advantage of his defenceless position, she pointed her novel bayonet at his thew. Another moment, and the weapon hail inflicted perhaps I deadly wound, hut Norrey sprung forwent and stinel her, gasping wildly, " Stop, stop, Miss, in God's name ! it's Mr. Reginald! And so it, indeed, was ; and Laura, an instant before Judith in valour, flung herself now into his arms sobbog hysterically. Could anything be more ridiculous? The heroine seizes the spit from the cookmaid, and attetnpts to give a deadly wound to the foe ! Our sense of the absurd is not diminished by the explana tory note appended to the foregoing passage: — This rash and courageous act, improbable as it may appear, was actually performed exactly as related, bY very near relation of the author, on the occasion of as attack by Whiteboys about the year It t2o-1. It was, bow: ever, performed, not for the defence of a betrothed, his his sisters, one of whons played the part of the heroine with the spit. I should have preferred to select poin nobler weapon for Laura, but fur my wish to adhere to t he truth. As the novel stands it may be described s a Surre and-water kind of fiction, wi th the seen! laid in - Ireland sixty years ago. Yet there .L, e occasionally eloquence in the composition of th book ; and if the authoress wou ld chose a subject suited to her mind, and eelect a 0)1 7 hi 644 r days site requ. a dvi • fan ro read silo] WE Bla , two Wei spec indi tote L 1, The 1 atan a pi' P. d CON the • nun hut It the v divi• I shin the tab ir atod dart ot of i with gem WITI gr in 11 ly we tour le Pict to u. rp and the th juts lies he rutr ruse u, lit roe/ des soli agi 10, yea of 1 the ad till wet In Its! not a T h es if tun IC IR ILa rep be bur bet od alo ly, Fo thr to tw , tO6 g: tin of by s ru: in all rit as Ti ss it. a so TII dt to • a 44 to ct le is 91 se to a fl ay tl 1: It It ne hr • a se is ht !ct •