The Press. — London, England, 1857-02-14 00:00:00

FEBRUARY 14,1857. COACHING A CHANCELLOR. SCENE—The AtlornryGeneral's Chambers. Enter to him, the LORD HIGH CHANCELLOR, with papers, CIIANCELLOR.-I hope I don't disturb you, Sir Richard. ATTORNEY-GExEßAc.. — That your Lordship disturbs me is a propo sition somewhat self-evident. That your Lordship has good reason for doing so, we will assume, even in the absence of probability. CHANCELLOR —You see, these bills. They do bother me so, you can't think. ATTORNEY-GENERAL .—I can approximate to an estimate of the embarrassment they must occasion to your Lordship. In what way can I aid in your extrication ? CHANCELLOR.—WeII, there's this Divorce Bill. I wouldn't have brought it in, if I had known that the other law lords were going to fly at me like tigers about it. ATTORNEY-GENERAL (smiliny).—And that ruffles you ? Dear me ! CHANCELLOR.—Who likes to be questioned on a dozen points at once, and asked to reconcile this and that, and show the working of one clause, and its agreement with another, and generally to stand an examination in one's law ? ATTORNEY.GENERAL.—And why (10 you stand it? CHANCELLOR.—What ' s one to do, if a question's put? ATTORNEY-GENERAL. — Do? You at once amaze and amuse me. Do? Abuse the querist for his insolence and ignorance. I assure you that your doing so will not encourage the others to imitate him. CHANCE Ll.oll.—But suppose the question is civil? ATTORNEY-GENERAL—How can any question be civil ? The very fact that it is put implies that your explanation was incomplete, which in itself is excessively disrespectful, and culls for immediate castiga- tion. But without wasting time in endeavouring to indoctrinate your Lordship with the science of reasoning, what is your particular diffi culty at this crisis? CHANCELLOR.—They all say that this is such a bad bill. Arroasey•GENEßAL.—lt is possible that I may not dissent from so unanimous a decision, but that is beside the question. Can you not reply that they are all fools, and that it is the best bill in the world —I mean, of course, to that effect, with such amplification as your vocabulary may contribute? C HANCELLOR.—Hrn — to say that to Brougham, and Lyndhurst, and Campbell—it would be a little strong. ATTORNEY-GENERAL.—any argument, to be available, must be strong. But your Lordship may not be constitutionally endowed with the conviction that any one who differs from you must be an incapable idiot. The absence of that instinct is to he deplored, as it materially facilitates business. Well, if you stoop to defend your bill instead of attacking its assailants—a blunder, mind—what points do they take ? CHANCELLOR.—Haven't you seen the papers ? ATTORNEY-GENERAL—It is highly improbable 'that I shall ever peruse a debate in the House of Lords until I do so to test the accuracy with 'which some speech of my own has been recorded. CHANCELLOIL—I heartily wish that you were there now. But I'll tell you, I wrote the objections down, that I might understand them. Now, here. Lord Campbell said that the Divorce Bill only allowed people to be married for three years. ATTORNEY-GENERAL.—The Caledonian Solon occasionally promul gates preternatural nonsense, but can hardly have displayed such quintessential lunacy. CHANCELLOR.—No, no, stop. I had written "only three years." What he meant was, that any couple might separate for three years, and then be entitled to divorce. ATTORNEY- GENERAL—And what's that to him, if they can ? CHANCELLOR —Ah ! but you must give me an answer. ATTORNEY-GENERAL—The answer is obvious—namely, that, inas- much as people who separate for three years are practically divorced, the new bill, in recognising such separation, merely adapts the law to the facts. UnAscELLon.—That won't sound amiss, if T can recollect all the words. Well, then, Lyndhurst says that there ought to be an end to the husband's action for damages, which, he says, is humiliating and disgusting. ATTORNEY-GENERAL—My Lord Lyndhurst is an able man, but the use of coarse words is not argumentative; and unless he applies him self to his theme in a worthier spirit, I should recommend you to decline its discussion. A system which has grown up with our insti• tutions—a system to which most eminent personages have had resort — a syetem which is far from being opposed to the character of our Anglo-Saxon ideas of property, may advantageously be approached with reforms, but should unquestionably be sacred from abuse. CHANCELLOR.—I would have given five pounds to be able to say that to him. I'll have a shy at it though. Then there is Brougham. He says that the bill is bad because it does not provide for a woman's being heard in the case. ArToRNEY-GENERAL—Here I think you might justifiably introduce a little facetiousness, and after referring, by a sly inuendo, to my Lord Brougham's large popularity in the female world, you might express your surprise at his not knowing that a woman will make herself heard in any conceivable case whatever. CIANCELLOK.—But suppose he said that I was impertinent? ATTORNEY-GENERAL—What harm would that do you? Yon can expunge a plea for impertinence, but not a Chancellor. CHANCELLOR.—TiIat's true. But, I assure you that I do not like this kind of work. 157 ATTORNEY- GENERAL —My dear Lord Chancellor, you must submit for the moment, to the decree of Providence, which apparently mis places you. Discharge your functions with what little aptitude you may possess, and look forward to being relieved in due time. As for these bills, get them through the Lords in any form you can, and I will rectify yonr own errors and those of the other law lords when I introduce the measures to the Commons. A, mediocrity in office must submit to occasional humiliation, but, if also a philosopher, will balance his accounts with satisfaction at the position he undeservedly occupies. Adieu, my dear Chancellor. [Smiles him out. THE VIZIER MEER-JA AND THE WARRIOR LOCK-POL.-AN EASTERN TALE. (COMMUNICATED.) MR. EDITOR, —During the debate respecting Sir George Pollock, on Thursday night I was seated in the gallery between two " illustrious foreigners." They were Persians ; they seemed not much more amused than I was, for one addressing the other (I understand a little of the language), said—" By the beard of the Prophet, Abdottl, these accursed infidels weary me ; tell me a tale of Ispahan, that my ears be undefiled by the bosh' (this word is untranslatable) of these sons of Shitan." And Abdoul, evidently a Persian understrapper, replied, " I hear and obey." He then went on as follows : " There was a great Bashaw, and ho had a Vizier whose name was Meer-ja (he pronounced this syllable very broad—jaw), and this Vizier was a mighty man (I think he said in his own opinion), and he sat upon a board, on the carpet of content, and smoked the pipe of self-esteem, with his face turned to the East; and there was a valiant Bimbash named Ton-Reding, who leaned against a post, and this post was a talisman, which, on being touched (once a quarter, I think he said) produced bread. " Now, this valiant Bimbash went into the war, and he said, I must leave my post behind, peradventure it will embarrass me; and he went to the war, leaving his talisman behind. "And, behold, a certain Moollah (I think that means a scribe, or a Clerk) came from afar, and he said to the great Bashaw, Give me a talisman (or post) that shall give bread.' "And the Bashaw said unto Nleerja, Give the Moollah a talis man ;' and the Meer•ja replied, Be chesm on my eyes be it ; behold, Oh, Light of the Universe and Father to the Sun (he did not say what sun), there is the talisman of the Bimbash, Ton Reding.' " The Grand Bashaw roared, as none but Grand Bashaws can, ' Thou son of a burnt father, that talisman is not great enough for the Moollah. Moreover, I intend that for a valiant soldier, who cometh from Bagdad, called Son-Rawlin, who knoweth many tongues' " God is great,' replied the Vizier; we will offer the talisman (or post) to the Moollah, and peradventure he will refuse.' " Then the Grand Bashaw stroked his chin (I presume from this he had no beard)—a signal that he was pleased. " Now the Vizier Meer.ja offered to the Moollah the talisman ; and behold he said, Inshailah ! I am thankful ; and he took the talisman. Mashallah !' ejaculated Meer-ja, we are sold.' " And the Grand Bashaw again roared, Meer-j a, thou son of a (here I am in the same difficulty about a burnt father), find me a talisman for Son-Rawlin.' "And the Vizier replied, May tly shadow never be less, Oh, Bashaw ! I have no talisman ; but, lo ! there sitteth on a seat beneath my board a valiant warrior, who is old, and who can fight no longer.' And the Bashaw said, Is it Lock-Put?' And Meer-ja replied, It is Lock-Pol. He was a Rustum ; but I want him no mote. I will take his seat and give it to Son-Rawlin, for it is as it were a little talisman, and, like the post of Ton-Reding, yields bread.' And the Bashaw said, ' Meer ja, thou art a genius (or a Geni, I don't know which), on thy head be it' " And Meer-ja went to Lock-Pal and said, There is but one God, and Mahouiet is his Prophet ! Thou art old, rise from thy seat, and go.' " And Lock-Pot said, Oh, Meer-ja, I have fought the fights of my Lord the Bashaw in my youth, and now I am old I have but my Cloak of Honour, which I won for myself, and the seat which my Lord the Bashaw gave me.' " And Meer-ja replied, Give up thy seat and go; but take the Cloak of Honour, for of that I cannot strip thee. " And the warrior Lock-Pol rose from the seat as Meerja desired, and Son-Rawlin sat himself down thereon. " Now the Bashaw was pleased thereat, and Meer-ja rubbed his hands and said, ' Ha! ha! Here my attention was attracted by hearing some person, who was speaking loudly, exclaim, " Does the Honourable Member mean to charge me with a job ?" And I forgot the Persian and his story, which seemed to me much ado about nothing. A SPOONEY. " NI•GREGOR'S WARNING." At Astley's, determined each peril to brave, Rob Roy coolly springs from his steed to the wave ; Of the modern Nl‘Gregor how different the feat, Whose coolness is shown by retaining his seat ! THE PRESS.