Result: SCP-1459-1's eyes popped out as an indeterminate number 
of bees flew out of its various orifices and began stinging it, with 
more bees continuing to exit the instance's body until the chamber 
was filled with bees. A mechanical arm carrying a vacuum 
descended shortly thereafter and removed the bees, then swept the 
cleanly disemboweled corpse of SCP-1459-1 into the trapdoor. 
Note: A honey cookie with raisins was dispensed. 


Player: Dr. Muse 

Statement: "Consumed by one non-anomalous goldfish of ordinary 
size." 

Result: Chamber filled to half capacity with water and SCP-1459-1 
submerged to its neck by a mechanical arm. A single normal 
goldfish was lowered into the water and proceeded to consume 
SCP-1459-1 overnight. 

Note: Despite the goldfish consuming the instance of SCP-1459-1 
at the expected rate of a goldfish consuming a puppy, personnel 
returned in the morning to the sight of the water, SCP-1459-1's 
bones, and a bloated goldfish draining into the hatch. 


Player: Dr. Hong 

Statement: "Yaozhan." (Translation: 'Waist chop’, a form of 
execution in ancient China.) 

Result: SCP-1459 lowers a small wooden bench fitted with 
restraints into the chamber. SCP-1459-1 instance is seized by 
mechanical arms and forced to lie supine on the bench. Another 
arm, bearing a modified hacksaw, descends and proceeds to saw 
the SCP-1459-1 instance in a manner similar to a hemicorporectomy 
(translumbar amputation). 


Player: Dr. Hong 
Statement: "Lingchi." (Translation: 'Death by a thousand cuts." 
Result: As the SCP-1459-1 instance cowers prone, it is sliced by 


several blades on the limbs and posterior torso. SCP-1459-1 rolls 
over supine (common in canine body language to express 
submission or helplessness) and the blades continue to slice at the 
exposed abdomen. The last cut is to the bared throat of the 
SCP-1459-1 instance, severing the carotid artery and allowing the 
instance to expire. 


Player: Dr. Hong 

Statement: "Changchéng." (Translation: 'Long Fortification’, or more 
commonly, 'Great Wall'.) 

Result: After a one-minute interval, SCP-1459 produces a folding 
table and laptop, scaled down so as to be commensurate with the 
provided SCP-1459-1 instance. The laptop is seen to display various 
content currently censored by the mainland Chinese government, 
including websites dedicated to pornography, the Taiwanese 
government, the Dalai Lama, and pro-democracy movements. 
SCP-1459 then produces three more instances of SCP-1459-1 
wearing the uniform of the Public Security Bureau, which proceed to 
attack and kill the first instance. 

Note: "Huh. | was not expecting that. Forgot it could mean the Great 
Firewall, too..." - Dr. Hong 


Player: Dr. Hong 

Statement: "Wanli changchéng." (Translation: 'Ten-Thousand- 
League Long Fortification’, more commonly referred to as the Great 
Wall of China.) 

Result: One dozen instances of SCP-1459-1 are released, along 
with tools and building materials that include stone, brick, earth, and 
wood. Instances proceed to build a scale model of a portion of the 
Great Wall of China complete with battlements, guard and signal 
towers, barracks, and stairways. The work is clearly strenuous and 
hazardous; all but one of the SCP-1459-1 instances die during 
construction, the last collapsing and appearing to expire soon after 
completion. A thirteenth SCP-1459-1 instance, released after the 
completion of the Wall, whines upon seeing the other deceased 
instances and jumps off the parapet of the highest tower, dying on 
impact. 

Note: "Now that's more like it." - Dr. Hong 


Player: Dr. Morgenstern. 


Statement: "Fifth Church." 

Result: One instance was released, which transformed into a 
miniature clone of actor Robert Downey Jr. Instance proceeded to 
vomit thick, black smoke from its mouth for twelve minutes before 
transforming back. SCP-1459-1 seemed to suffer no ill effects. A 
pair of mechanical hands emerged from SCP-1459's ceiling with a 
copy of Dianetics by L. Ron Hubbard, which was used to bludgeon 
SCP-1459-1 to death. 

Note: Cookie dispensed was mint and in a star shape. Had a 
burned taste, as if over baked. 


Player: Dr. Verzweiflung 

Statement: "Antimatter." 

Result: SCP-1459-1 crushed to death by a miniature replica of a 
quadrupole magnet from the CERN Antiproton Decelerator. 


Player: Dr. Verzweiflung 

Statement: "Titanium." 

Result: A horizontal slot appeared on one side of SCP-1459 and 
ejected at high speed a silvery disc, which cleanly sliced off the 
head of SCP-1459-1 before shattering against the opposite wall of 
the enclosure. Subsequent analysis of video footage identified the 
disc as a CD single of the song "Titanium" by the French musician 
David Guetta. 


Player: Dr. Gordon 

Statement: "Spine rip.” 

Result: A 75-centimeter-tall door opened, allowing a similarly sized 
duplicate of the Mortal Kombat character Sub-Zero to enter 
SCP-1459. Sub-Zero gripped SCP-1459-1 by the back of the neck, 
tore SCP-1459-1's head and spine from its body, then held up the 
head and spine like a trophy, while a deep voice was heard 
declaring, "Sub-Zero wins! Fatality!" 


Player: Dr. Davidson 

Statement: "Jitanic reenactment." 

Result: The chamber was partially flooded with water and 

icecubes were dropped into water. A small wooden raft and total of 
two instances of SCP-1459-1 were produced. Cocker Spaniel 
instance was placed on the raft, while a gray mutt instance was 
dropped into the freezing water. After an exchange of few barks, the 


swimming instance sank and drowned. The second instance was 
terminated via the default bludgeoning method before chamber 
drained itself. 

Note: A single cookie of seafood flavor was produced. 


Player: Dr. Davidson 

Statement: "300 reenactment." 

Result: Two instances of SCP-1459-1 were produced and the 
bottom chute automatically opened. Both instances bark at each 
other. One then gives three loud distinctive barks and pounces the 
other instance into the open chute. The remaining instance was 
terminated via the default bludgeoning method. 


Player: Dr. Davidson 

Statement: "Puppy centipede." 

Result: One Shiba Inu instance of SCP-1459-1 and two Cocker 
Spaniel instances of SCP-1459-1 were produced. A mechanical arm 
then proceeded to [DATA EXPUNGED]. The middle instance was 
then terminated via the default bludgeoning method. 

Note: Two cookies were produced, resembling chocolate chip 
cookies, but with corn instead of chocolate chips. 


Player: Dr. Davidson's assistant 

Statement: "Jesus Christ!" (statement uttered in shock after hearing 
an explanation of SCP-1459's function) 

Result: Several instances of SCP-1459-1 were produced. 
Mechanical arms then placed three upright standing crosses in the 
middle of the chamber and bolted three of the instances, each to 
one cross. SCP-1459 then produced a scalpel sized polearm and 
one of the mechanical arms poked a side of the instance bolted to 
the middle cross, while another arm equipped the same instance 
with a thorn crown. All three instances were terminated 6 hours later 
due to their injuries. All remaining instances were terminated via the 
default bludgeoning method. 

Note: Three cookies were produced, one of them dipped in wine. 
According to security footage, days later SCP-1459's bottom chute 
opened on its own and instance of SCP-1459-1 identical to the 
instance bolted to the middle cross crawled out of the chute. 15 
minutes later SCP-1459 proceeded to its default bludgeoning 
method of instance termination. 


Player: Dr. Gallagher 

Statement: Dr. Gallagher did not state a method, and instead 
screamed inarticulately for the entirety of the 15-second countdown. 
Result: After a single instance of SCP-1459-1 was produced, a 
miniature version of Dr. Gallagher manifested, and proceeded 
bludgeon the SCP-1459-1 instance in a manner similar to 
SCP-1459's default method of termination, while screaming at 
approximately 100db for 5 minutes. 

Note: The cookie produced was of the chocolate-chip variety; 
testing revealed it to contain toxic amounts of capsaicin. 


Player: Research Assistant Taylor 

Statement: "Time travel." 

Result: A sound played from SCP-1459 indicating that this method 
had already been attempted. 


Player: Dr. John 

Statement: "Emptying the recycle bin." 

Result: A trash bin was dispensed then emptied into a trapdoor 
despite being already empty. SCP-1459 then proceeded to default 
bludgeoning method 


Player: Dr. B e 

Statement: "The power of rock." 

Result: A single instance of SCP-1459-1 was lowered into 
SCP-1459, where-in it was promptly crushed by a large stone 
released from the top of the machine. As the remains of SCP-1459 
where flushed down the trapdoor, a fragment of the song " : 
by / was heard by observers. SCP-1459 then released one 
peanut butter cookie. 


Player: Agent Fleir 

Statement: "Limit break." 

Result: 2 instances of 1459-1 were deposited on opposite sides of 
the box, one terrier with a gray wig with hair that covers the sides of 
its head and one golden retriever with its fur sticking up so that it 
resembles what appears to be blonde hair. The terrier was clutching 
a Masamune sword in its teeth, while the golden retriever was 
likewise wielding an unidentified, much larger sword. The two 
instances stared at each other for several seconds, then rushed at 
each other and began growling and fighting. Both instances 


experienced serious sword-related injuries, with the terrier being 
defeated and killed. Several seconds later, the golden retriever died 
as well, apparently of exhaustion. 


Player: Junior Researcher Kim 

Statement: “Did you know that world-renowned writer Stephen King 
was once hit by a car? Just something to consider.” 

Result: A single instance of SCP-1459-1 (St. Bernard) was 
generated, wearing eyeglasses, and seated at a typewriter. A car 
then emerged from the left wall and drove over the instance at high 
speed, before disappearing through the right wall. Typewriter and 
eyeglasses were undamaged. Cookie was a typical frosted sugar 
cookie with the letters "LOL" written in frosting on top of it. 


Player: Mr. Mox 

Statement: "Something that will show us how to kill SCP-682." 
Result: SCP-1459 played a sound effect indicating the method of 
extermination had been previously used. 


Player: Mr. Mox 

Statement: "Fine, give me something I'll enjoy." 

Result: SCP-1459 deployed a film projector. The 1979 film Alien 
played, but with SCP-1459-1 instances in place of the human and 
android characters. All dialogue was replaced with barking and 
growling. SCP-1459-1 instances were killed at the appropriate 
places in the film. The remaining instance (Ripley) was terminated 
via the default bludgeoning method. 

Note: Cookie was in the shape of the "Alien" egg from the film. 
Contained a gummy "facehugger" within a sugar cookie exterior. 


Player: Junior Researcher Kim 

Statement: "Bludgeoning, but the puppy is only to be hit exactly 7 
times, and once this is completed, exactly 33.55 kg of Kingsford 
brand charcoal is to be placed on the puppy. 3 Samsung Galaxy s6 
mobile phones are to placed around the puppy in a triangular 
formation, and each phone is to have both "Premium Tetris" and 
"Dog Barking Translator" installed on them. Once this is done, put a 
thermonuclear bomb inside the machine that is exactly 3 cm in width 
and 10 cm in height, and it is to be placed on the second Samsung 
Galaxy s6 placed in there. It is to be detonated using a functioning 
remote control made entirely out of sausages." 


Result: SCP-1459 played a sound effect indicating the method of 
extermination had been previously used. 


Player: Dr. Langford 

Statement: "Classical music." 

Result: Ceiling hatch opened and dropped a miniature grand piano 
onto SCP-1459-1, killing it instantly. A second instance was placed 
into the chamber by mechanical arm. Second instance played the 
entire piece of 'The Marriage of Figaro’ by Wolfgang Amadeus 
Mozart on the mostly intact piano. Concluding the piece, two 
mechanical arms emerged from the top hatch and applauded for 
seven seconds before terminating the instance via the default 
bludgeoning method. 


Player: Junior Researcher Mike 

Statement: "Forbidden Basement" 

Result: An instance of SCP-1459-1 was generated, as well asa 
latch on the floor leading down a stairwell. SCP-1459-1 started to 
whimper as he was forced to walk down the stairs by a mechanical 
arm. The latch shut when SCP-1459-1 instance was out of sight, 
and SCP-1459-1 was heard barking, then suddenly yelping. 
SCP-1459-1 instance became silent. Latch disappeared along with 
the mechanical hand. 

Note: Cookie took 2 minutes to dispense, during which Junior 
Researcher Mike became uncomfortable. Cookie flavor was hard to 
determine but testing concluded that it was a vegan diet style 
cookie. 


Player: Dr. Chris "Ox" Moran 

Statement: "A four-sided triangle." 

Result: An instance of SCP-1459-1 was generated, and 
immediately beaten to death with a four-sided triangle. 

Note: Dispensed cookie was in the shape of a four-sided triangle. 


Player: Junior Researcher Jenkins 

Statement: "The last means of disposal this machine will ever use." 
Result: An instance of SCP-1459-1 was generated, as per the 
norm, only to drop immediately through the trapdoor unharmed. 
Note: Instead of a cookie, SCP-1459 produced an index card with 
the words "IOU 1x Oatmeal Raisin Cookie". 


Player: Junior Researcher Jenkins 

Statement: "The last unique means of disposal this machine will 
ever use." 

Result: An instance of SCP-1459-1 was generated, as per the 
norm, only to drop immediately through the trapdoor unharmed. 
Note: Instead of a cookie, SCP-1459 produced an index card with 
the words "IOU 1x Unique Oatmeal Raisin Cookie". 


Player: Dr. Fleming 

Statement: "I like trains." 

Result: A wooden train similar to SCP-737 plowed through the 
chamber at high speed, impacting SCP-1459-1 at approximately 
750 km/h. 

Note: Cookie was in the shape of a locomotive. 


Player: Dr. Burns 

Statement: "Rage." 

Result: Two SCP-1459-1 instances were generated. One 
proceeded to attack the other. The attacked instance turned green, 
tripled in size, and mutilated its opponent. Three robotic arms, all 
thicker than usual, were required to restrain the instance as it was 
forced into the trapdoor. 


Player: Dr. Burns 

Statement: "Magnetism." 

Result: SCP-1459-1 was crushed between what appeared to be two 
large neodymium magnets. 

Note: Cookie was colored to reflect raspberry and grape flavor. 


Player: Dr. Burns 

Statement: "Dreaming." 

Result: A large amount of sand poured from the top hatch, which 
quickly buried SCP-1459-1, suffocating the instance. 

Note: Cookie had trace amounts of melatonin. Consumption did not 
result in any remembered dreams. 


Player: Dr. Davidson 

Statement: "Gordon Ramsay." 

Result: Two instances of SCP-1459-1 were produced. Instance, 
which was described to be a white-brown bulldog equipped with a 
chef hat subdued the other instance. Mechanical arms then placed 


the subdued instance into an oven. The remaining instance was 
terminated via the default bludgeoning method. 
Note: A donut was produced instead of a cookie. 


Player: Research Assistant Taylor 

Statement: "Super Mario Brothers" 

Result: An instance of SCP-1459-1 wearing a costume of the video 
game character "Mario" and a large yellow floating block with a large 
white Question Mark embossed on each face were produced. The 
Instance jumped up, striking the bottom of the block and causing a 
large specimen of Amanita muscaria to be expelled from the top of 
the block. Instance consumed the specimen, and expired 15 
minutes later with symptoms consistent with A. muscaria poisoning. 
Note: Cookie was shaped like mushroom; analysis showed no 
traces of toxins. 


Player: unknown individual