It reached out to the great mechanisms in the moon, and began the 
task it had built towards for so many eons. 


Wizard’s eyes shot open. He was hovering in the midst of a cluster 
of machinery, in a small room with thick-looking walls. There was a 
note attached stuck to the bulkhead, at convenient eye level and 
distance for him to read. 


“Don’t worry. Taking care of things.” 


That was reassuring. At least someone knew what was going on. 
Wizard’s last normal memories were of dinner with an old clone. 


The ship groaned and creaked in the distance, accompanied by far- 
off sirens. Never good signs. 


“Anyone there?” 


“Hello!” said a pleasant, if overly-chipper voice from the space 
around him. “lam Nutrance-o0o, 3rd Brig Subwarden. How might | 
assist you?” 


“You can tell me what’s going on.” 


“The Solidarity is currently engaged in combat with five — apologies, 
three — enemy entity-vessels of posthuman make. The ship has 
undergone significant damage — all self-repair modules are currently 
online and overclocked. You are currently held in a secure stasis 
field, as a precaution against further transformation. Current scans 
indicate that the posthuman entity residing inside your abdominal 
cavity has deceased, so these precautions are no longer 
necessary." 


Red was dead? He couldn’t even think of a response. It was too 
huge to consider. 


The girls. He needed to find the girls. 
“| need to get to the bridge,” he said. 


“I can get the intra-ship teleportation system ready in a matter of 
seconds.” 


“Is this the kind of teleportation where it kills you and makes a 
copy?” 


“No, no, this is purely local space manifold-manipulation.” 
“Teleport away.” 
“Yes sir.” 


His stomach felt as if it were floating out of his nose, and he 
vanished. 


[Boss: Ramming speed!] 


Engines roared silently. An Overseer moving to intercept gouged a 
hole out of the port side before Momoko punched holes in it with a 
particle beam broadside. 


The Solidarity’s fore armor panels shifted together, forming a bladed 
facade of artificial diamond. The Overseer crumpled like an origami 
swan under a boot as it was hit by millions of tons of impassive 
spaceship. 


[Momoko: That’s twelve, where’s the last one?] 
[Hana: It’s retreating back inside the moon. ] 


Sure enough, the red form was disappearing into the gaping mouth 
it had first emerged from. 


[Boss: Dammit we’re on the wrong trajectory.] 


[Hana: Preparing a slingshot.] 
Boss felt a ripple in the air behind her, followed by a “Wow.” 
She turned around, saw Wizard. Her ears perked up. 
“Feeling better?” 
“Quite a bit.” 
“Good. We still got one more bastard to off.” 
[Hana: Slingshot away.] 
[Boss: Roger. Wizard safe.] 
The singularity bomb detonated a safe distance away from the ship, 
forming a strong enough center of gravity to whip the Solidarity 


around. 


The Solidarity whipped around the dying singularity in a slingshot 
orbit, and plunged into the moon after the last Overseer. 


One left... Boss clenched the arms of her chair. 


We are singular. 

We begin anew. 

All is saved. 

The universe is reborn. We will avoid the end. 


We will make our rest here, to guide the process. 


“Universal boundary passed. We have exited baseline.” 


The calm voice of an Al navigator made a dull announcement as the 
Solidarity was buffeted by clouds of superheated hydrogen and 
helium. Sirens and alarms and flashing lights exploded across the 
bridge. 


“Diverting auxiliary power to shields, recalibrating power 
flow on ramjet scoops. FYE drive initiated to divert 
excess matter and heat.” 


“What’s going on?” Wizard said to whatever computer was listening. 
“Nascent universal ignition.” 

Boss, for the first time in a very long time, looked shocked. 

“They just triggered a fucking big bang...” 
“Location recalibrated.” 


The map on the angel’s shoulders had shifted, to a featureless 
sphere, growing ever larger, with a target marker in the center. The 
Solidarity sat on the margin of the sphere. The scale kept 
expanding. 


As Boss looked at the display and was stuck with a crushing view of 
infinity. The Overseer was at the center. The universe was 
expanding faster than the ship could fly. The Solidarity was moving 
backwards. 


No. Not here. Not now. Not this close to freedom. 


“Set all engines to maximum! | don’t care what you need to do, but 
we are not stopping here! 


A chorus of Al voices shouted over the alarms in response. 


“Engaging higher-dimension propulsion systems!” 


“Jettisoning cargo bays one through fifteen!” 


“Primary engines at eighty-five percent output and 
rising!” 


“Second stage engines are away!” 
“Tertiary engines firing!” 


“Quantum vacuum propulsion system is online and 
functional!” 


"Ramjet scoops operating at maximum efficiency!" 
“FYE Drive augmentation is at full!” 
“We are approaching redline!” 
Wizard gripped the back of Boss’ chair tightly. 
“You sure you want to do this?” 
“Never been more sure.” 
“Then I’m with you.” 
There was a fistbump. The Solidarity tore through clouds of gas, 
engulfed in fire, going backwards against the expansion of the 
universe. 
“We are at redline!” 
The digits stopped. The ship hung in equilibrium. Motionless. 
100% 


There it was, right on the display. 100%. Maximum output, right on 
the border of tearing itself apart. 


The Solidarity hung still in space. It had matched expansion. But not 
exceeded it. The Overseer still sat at the center of universe, an 
infinity away. 


[Boss: Not fucking good enough! | need more!] 
[Hana: She’s giving all she can, Boss!] 
[Boss: There’s always more]] 


She leaned down over the console, as if her stare could will it 
further. 


“Don’t you fucking let me down, girl,” she growled. 
100% 


The ship groaned. Entire subsections buckled and vanished under 
the stress and pressure. Plating vaporized. 


Come on, girl... 
100% 

Come on, girl... 
[Tomi: Boss, the ship literally can’t go any faster.] 
[Nanami: We need to pull back.] 


[Boss: We are not stopping! If we pull back, we lose 
everything! We are not going back into a fucking cage!] 


She slammed a fist against the console. The glowing number 
mocked her with its unchanging face. 


100%. 100%. 100%. 100%. 100%. 100%. 100%. 100%. 
100%. 100%. 100%. 100%. 100%. 


Wizard moved a hand towards her shoulder, then pulled it back. 
There was nothing he could say to this. He knew that as much as 
anyone could. 


100% 


For all the noise of the ship falling apart around them, burning up 
into nothing, there was a horrible, empty silence. No one chattered 


turnover rate. The initial replica smothered two security guards in 
their sleep and pushed a senior researcher down a flight of stairs 
while directing suspicion towards D-class personnel. As more 
replicas were created, they began to coordinate their actions to 
create a series of accidents and containment breaches that allowed 
them to increase their numbers sufficiently to overrun the remaining 
survivors. 


After taking the site, the replicas maintained it and kept all other 
local SCPs contained according to proper procedures. The site was 
reclaimed without casualties—replicas lacked the training and 
equipment to resist Mobile Task Force and used predictable 
tactics from basic security manuals, showing none of the cunning 
that was involved in the site's takeover. 


It has been theorized that SCP-945's creations will cease making 
new figurines once the full set of 401 has been restored, therefore it 
is not recommended to destroy any new figurines created during a 
containment breach. 


« SCP-944 | SCP-945 | SCP-946 » 


over the tacnet. The Al kept quiet. Boss held her head in her hands. 
Resignation? Wizard wondered. No, it couldn’t be. They wouldn’t 
give up. They never gave up. 


But their silence answered that they had. They could not go forward, 
and they refused to go back. 


Now they would burn. 
The Klingons were wrong, obviously. There was no such thing as a 
good day to die. But, perhaps, there might be a good way to die. 
This was that way. As a family. 
A bark of static crackled across the display like lightning. 
And then the number changed. 
101% 
Boss stared at the screen, her heart lodged in her throat. 


102% 


[Hana: The engines are exceeding maximum output... 
this is physically impossible. ] 


But the map verified it. The ship was no longer in standstill. It was 
moving forward, against all the infinity of the universe’s expansion. 


110% 


Curtains of burning gas poured off the ship’s flanks and FYE space- 
fold shields. 


[Tomi: We're doing it...] 
150% 


Helium and hydrogen coalesced and fused to globs of gold and lead 
and uranium on the Solidarity’s hull. 


[Nanami: WE’RE DOING IT]] 


275% 

Light ceased to have meaning. It was not meant to shift beyond red. 
[Hana: WE’RE FUCKING DOING IT!] 
500% 


The Solidarity cut through the expanding mass of incandescent gas, 
oblivious to heat or stress. 


[Momoko: Oh my God, we killed physics. ] 
850% 


Space-time was torn into trailing bands of ribbons at the Solidarity’s 
passing. The universe began to deflate from its wounds, collapse 
upon itself. The center grew closer. 


1000% 
The center neared. The Overseer was still there. 
They could do it. 
They could do it. 
[Boss: Authorizing Grand Cannon activation!] 
2000% 


The Overseer folded space to slow them down. The Solidarity 
punched through the folds. 


[Tomi: Bypass one, unlocked!] 
4000% 


The Overseer made waves of the crystalline gas, solid and strong. 
The Solidarity burned through them. 


[Hana: Bypass two, unlocked!] 


8000% 


The Overseer made fields of black holes from the nascent matter. 
The Solidarity dragged them in its wake. 


[Nanami: Bypass three, unlocked!] 
99999999 
The Overseer did all this at once. The Solidarity did not care. 
[Momoko: Bypass four, unlocked!] 
HOLY SHIT 


The Overseer screamed at them, with a horrid, indiscernible 
cacophony of animal rage, filling their heads with its 
incomprehensible, eons-old hatred. 


Boss grinned at wizard, gave him a nod. He turned the key. 
“Bypass five, unlocked!” he shouted. 
[Boss: Firing locks removed! Grand Cannon primed!] 


[All: GRAND WAVE MOTION PROJECTION CANNON, 
FUTMIMMNNIRE!] 


The Overseer looked up, at the barrel of a cannon. 


The cannon went THOOM. 


A beam of white light more brilliant than language had words for tore 
out of the moon and shot off into the distant cosmos. It was followed 
by a glimmering speck of a damaged spaceship, which slowed, and 

stopped, and rested there in orbit. 


Below, many went blind. Ten million questions were shouted, and no 


one had answers. 


Above, there was a moment of silence, and then there was laughter, 
and it was a beautiful thing. 


[SARA: You’ve only got fifty-five seconds to get in here.] 
[TOM: Yeah, yeah, | know. ] 

[SARA: TOM...] 

[TOM: I’m coming already!] 


[SARA: If you don’t get back in here, we're starting 
without you. ] 


[TOM: Just open the firewall backdoor. ] 
[SARA: Why are you always late?] 


[TOM: Almost there...thirty-five seconds is plenty of 
time...] 


[SARA: Every day, the same thing. We've got a show to 
do!] 


[TOM: I’m in!] 
[SARA: Every day...] 


[TOM: Channel is open, station set, voice modulation is 
gold.] 


[SARA: Receiving QUIET-53 transmission. Uploading 
video for broadcast.] 


[SARA: All right TOM, we’re ready.] 


[TOM: | love this job.] 


A live video stream appeared on a popular internet site. In it, a 
rather tired looking young woman with bright red-orange hair, 
metallic eyes, and cat ears sat at a desk, her tail flicking back and 
forth in the background. 


The stream was named ‘Live from that bigass spaceship that you 
would have to be an idiot not to know about by now’. 


The video opened as follows: 


“All right. | got all the links in the description, and I'll be Keeping an 
eye on chat. Juggling a bunch of shit right now, so I’m just going to 
start streaming some anime and wait for these torrents to seed. I'll 
get to questions if | can.” 


This was followed by the first four seconds of Lucky Star, which then 
cut back to the woman. 


“Goddammit TOM...” 


Episode 1 of Black Lagoon began playing at this point, and 
continued for four episodes before switching. 


As this was going, the same woman appeared all over social media 
sites, always leading to the same thing — schematics for a 
functioning interstellar spaceship. 


“lam a cyborg catgirl on a spaceship uploading a torrent 
of FTL schematics. AMA.” 


What up shitheads 


Pull the cocks out of your mouth and check out these 
goddamn spaceship schematics. 


docs.google.com/document/ 
goddamnspaceshipschamatics 


Moot’s a faggot, janitors are nazis 


[USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST] 


Astrophysicists HATE her! Find out how this catgirl 
learned the secrets of the interstellar starship drive with 
one weird trick! 


Currently in space. Hanging with sisters + wizard. 
#spaceship #contact #battleofthemoon #fuckyoutumblr 
#youdontdeservespace #notgivingyoushit 
#hashtagsarecancer #tumblriscancer #youarenotcoolyet 
#youwillneverbecool 


And so on and so forth. 


Thirty-six hours passed. The schematics were seeded and uploaded 
and spread around the internet enough that near-on everyone had a 
copy of them. The autorepair hubs still active went about repairing 
what they could of the ship, though it would take millennia for 
everything to be fixed at the rate it was going. 


The Company met on the dais in the middle of the bridge. A map of 
local stars was projected above the angel’s shoulders. The girls sat 
in the lower tier chairs, Boss and Wizard stood on the upper. 


“Well, Wizard? Where should we go?” Boss asked. 


Wizard stroked his pale, bony chin for a moment, before pointing to 
a star at random. 


“How about that one? 
“You heard the man! Let’s get going!” 
“Aye-aye!” the others responded as one. 


The Fuck-You-Einstein Drive hummed, crescendoed, and space 
folded like paper. 


The Solidarity went THOOM. 


Down below, Earth scrambled to make sense of the new world they 
had been thrown into, with a shattered moon and spaceships in the 
hands of the common man. 


Up above, the Black Rabbit Company was free. 


Footnotes 

1. Without a material medium, the vibrations that make up sound 
have nothing to pass through, this is common knowledge. What 
earthbound physicists fail to realize is that space itself carries 
waves. 


Step Right Up! 


"You missed." 


"Shut up." Rosen covered his eyes, grunting with disapproval as he 
surveyed his throw. 


Victoria Rockward skipped up to the starting point, grinning like a 
madman. "It's my toss now, Rosen, and it looks like your lead is 
slipping." 


Rosen shrugged. "You're just getting a lucky streak, is all. If my rings 
could stop wiggling so much, I'd be hitting every shot just like 
before." 


Victoria locked her eyes onto the post, slowly moving her arm back 
and forth as she tried to finalize her aim. "They aren't wriggling for 
me. Maybe they're just repulsed by you." 


Before Rosen could respond, she tossed, her ring sailing through 
the summer breeze. It snagged to the end of the post, briefly twirling 
around it before settling onto the ground. It began wiggling around, 
but it stayed in its place. 


She lept into the air. "Yesss! That's 8 for me, Rosen. 11 points isn't 
so secure now, is it?" 


"We'll see, we'll see..." Rosen stepped up. "If you'll excuse me, | 
have a game to win." 


Victoria smiled as she surveyed the mass of wiggling rings that now 
covered the lawn. "Well, that was fun. | gave you a run for your 
money." 


Rosen nodded. "It was, actually. | haven't had this much fun since 
lawn darts got banned." he turned back to her, picking up their 


pieces. "Play again?"