At least she was good at describing.. we recognised the house 
outright. Belonged to a grandpa, thought those youngsters might be 
his family... or he did business to make a bit on the side of state 
pension. We knocked with no reply, then Fyodor managed to pick 


the lock - he learned it in the army and it was better than kicking it in, 
anyways. At least you could write that it was open already into the 
report - like anyone would check too much. As the door opened, we 
heard some noise, we rushed in, that sort of odd mix of eager and 
angry you get in such cases. "Hands up, eagles!".... 


What we seen in the room made me throw up, and that's me - back 
during military service, | won a bet eating a rat. There was a strange, 
sweetly smell, candles, odd diagrams. The three fucks were nude.. 
with faces like they'd been picking strawberries, and in the centre of 
the room... well, let's say that what was there, all carved up, wasn't 
a pig. 


It's odd how much strength seeing something like that gives you. 
They got nightstick over head, and irons over arms, and we dragged 
them straight to the station, followed by kicks and punches... Falling 
down the stairs, they call it in an arrest report. 


The commander filed in papers, made phonecalls... lvan and Josif 
looked at us like at a golden calf... We went off to have some drinks. 
| had a bad feeling , went to check them.. two were sitting in their 
cells allright, but the third one of them pulled something strange 
from...the thing must have been sewn into his forearm. Oddly, he 
didn't bleed that much. | went to the commander. "You got to think in 
new ways, not superstitious nonsense... just go in there and give 
him a few calming whacks, and handcuff the fuck so he doesn't kill 
himself". And so | did. 


When | opened the door, the fuck was no longer alive. Instead there 
was.. it looked like the inside of.. | crossed myself, pulled out my gun 
and shot at it. A part of it tore away, something sparked... 


| woke up surrounded by a bunch of folks in lab coats, and army 
uniforms. One of them, a young girl which | would have swore | seen 
in one of the pubs before gave me an injection. Then, three of them 
came and asked questions. | told them everything | knew and 
remembered, and things | thought | haven't... hell, even things | 
wouldn't say to my brother... bribes, fines | pocketed.... Oddly 
enough, they didn't seem to care. 


| suppose | was lucky in a way ... two years later, a western defector 


brought in amnestics and plans how to make them, and that made it 
easy... I'd be still a militionary, thinking a gas line burst. Instead one 
of the uniformed folk said a lobotomy would be a waste of a good 
man with quick aim, took my papers, and asked the medics 
something. He then asked me if I'm in the party. | nodded, he 
remarked "Well, then you know Lenin said, 'to learn, to learn, to 
learn", dropped a large grey binder on my bed, and told me to go 
over it in the next five days. It was a brick to get through - at least 
Tania, that medic who supervised me, helped with some of the 
heavy words. At least about half of it were political matters - the 
estabilishment of Fourth Department Abnormal Occurences 
Comission by a direct decree from comrade Stalin following the 
murder of S.M.Kirov, its expansion into Division "Il" - during the war 
as a response to psychotronic threats to people's democratic 
estabilishment from the SS and later, Vatican agents, as well as with 
whatever odd cropped up at home. The rest.. standard protocols, 
emergency protocols, my immediate superiors... 


| started as a guard on Objekt I1-3 - a steelworks somewhere near 
Ural. They brought new people in, almost every week, we had to 
supervise their off-loading and make sure they stayed in a room with 
an odd statue for the right amount of time - what Katia, one of the 
academicians working in there told me over a glass was, that they 
were special prisoners, troublemakers or even counter- 
revolutionists, and that a few hours spent in front of the thing every 
day made it easier to get answers from them. Well, until it messed 
up with that Afghan fuck... but hey, three of us got a medal from it. 


Some days, | think that atheisation would have went so much easier 
if at least some of the stuff we took in, documented, and tried to use, 
store, or destroy had been put into textbooks and shown to the kids 
at schools. | mean... | heard that in one of the republics near 
Germany, they had to demolish maybe a fifth of the capital because 
of some thing that infected buildings, made them grow and fall 
down. | had to know this time, though | guess Lena would have told 
me even if | wasn't the director of security. She had pretty legs, a 
beautiful smile and was the head researcher on its weaponisation 
project. We did that to a lot of things... combat first-aid kits imitated 
from an old Kazakh whose blood lived on its own, an experimental 
reactor made with help of tapeworms that could crawl across 


people..... At those times, | looked at the bust of Lenin on the hall 
across from my office, and thought to myself the days of the 
imperialists were over. 


| was badly mistaken. Thinking... .| wonder we lasted through 
Gorbacov as well as we did. The man was a fool but his 
modernisers somehow skipped over our section... | heard an 
operation of ours saved his life twice. However, once he gave up 
and Jelcin came, it all went to hell. Even Objekt [1-3 was 
decommissioned, and sold to a dummy company owned by a 

foreign shadow group.. SCP or something , they called themselves. | 
think Lena joined them after her section was removed from the 
budget. See, after the coup, the new rich and their politicians had no 
trust for organisations filled with siloviki. "You got to think in new 
ways" a man in a suit called. "We have nothing to fear from the west 
anymore, and the integration with the GOC is just the first harbringer 
of modern, international Russian Federation more than ever able to 
respond to anomalous threats..." But this time, | didn't need his 
words... | have learned to think in new ways myself. 


The middle-aged officer was disturbed from his thoughts by a tall 
man with clean-shaven head and an Armani suit. He stood up. 

"The object's verification has been completed, Mr. Bezukladnikov. 
Here's our part of the deal - eighty thousand dollars, ten thousand 
rubles, a Czech ID and passport with US visa and plane tickets." 
The man smiled as Grigorij Bezukladnikov immediately began 
looking over the documents, his hands shaking slightly. 

"I'm sure you will find them no less valid than the border officials, 
comrade lieutenant colonel. After all, Mr. Marshall believes in honest 
business." 


Ketergrams 


Fatalities for 2014 


Ketergrams are part of the Safety Subcommittee's program to 
promptly disseminate facts and outlines of events that have resulted 
in the deaths of Foundation staff in the line of duty. The data 
provided is based on preliminary investigations only, and does not 
represent final determinations or conclusions with respect to these 
events. Most bulletins recommend one or more "best practices", 
deemed likely to have prevented or mitigated the associated 
fatalities. 


Information contained within these bulletins has been redacted as 
necessary and is approved for general use by L-1 staff and above 
who do not have specific prohibitions against such exposure. 
Administrators are asked to post these bulletins as soon as 
practical, in appropriate areas where staff congregate or frequent. 


This annual summary of the previous calendar years’ bulletins is 
provided to allow staff to review incidents they might have missed 
due to workload, vacation, or incapacitation. 


Individually, you are encouraged to discuss the information within 
with colleagues, and contemplate how you might have prepared 
differently for, or responded differently to the events that unfolded. 
Supervisory staff are asked to recognize and forward practical 
suggestions, both general and specific, to the Safety Subcommittee. 
Our mission is to systematically improve the safety of Foundation 
operations. 


MEMETIC FATALITY 


On Saturday, February 22, 2014, a 22-year old Level 1 researcher 


Pitman shorthand, indicating that the statute had been recited by a 
speaker with a strong Minnesota accent. 


Sample 887-2690: Several versions of a description of the path 
taken by an ant walking across a floor in SCP-887's containment 
chamber. These include narrative descriptions in Serbian, in Haitian 
Creole and in Vietnamese; a long series of programming commands 
in the Logo programming language; an extended figurative 
description in Sanskrit mimicking the style of the Mahabharata; and 
a series of arithmetic functions using Mayan notation to express 
numbers. 


Sample 887-2691: A fatwa, written in Farsi, discussing the times 
when an observant Muslim should pray and the direction he should 
face while traveling through seven-dimensional space-time in 
excess of the speed of light. 


Sample 887-2692: A jeremiad, written in the Swampy Cree 
language (transliterated into Manchu script) that condemns a shade 
of blue described by the hex triplet #1034A6, and blames that color 
for the lax standards of morality of today's youth. 


Researcher: Dr. 


Sample 887-2704: A perfect copy of text of the English-language 
Wikipedia article on the Battle of Bunker Hill, consistent with an edit 
dated / /2010. 


Sample 887-2705: A photo-realistic sketch of the former US 
politician with writing in English around the image claiming 
that Mr. was a ‘lying son-of-a-bitch', had been complicit in the 
destruction of evidence related to [REDACTED], and was ‘going to 
burn in hell’. 


Sample 887-2706: A list of all people currently on the Electoral Roll 
for the British constituency of , along with their past voting 
history. Written in German. 


Sample 887-2707: A running account of the moves performed in the 
final match of the 1997 chess match between Garry Kasparov and 


with three weeks of experience self-terminated after discovering a 
previously unknown memetic hazard within a site of interest being 
explored for anomalous data. 


The victim had been hand-restoring a 4th century BCE plaster 
fresco attributed to Aristippus, depicting an unknown (outside the 
Foundation) geometric proof. According to surveillance footage, the 
entire fresco suddenly crumbled and collapsed in a thick cloud of 
dust, briefly revealing a mosaic beneath before the lens was 
obscured by dust and detritus. Audio records the victim sneezing 
and gasping for twenty seconds, followed by eight seconds of 
complete silence. Next, a barely audible utterance (perhaps ‘avaunt 
ye') is whispered in a guttural voice, presumably the victim's. This 
was followed by eight minutes and twenty seconds of rapid, shallow 
scraping sounds, punctuated by irregular, incoherent moans from 
the victim. 


The response team found the victim unresponsive on the floor in 
front of the artwork, with his nose, mouth and the palms of both 
hands severely abraded. Evidence suggested that the victim had 
obtained the injuries by rubbing his face and hands - rapidly, 
repeatedly, and with substantial strength - across the jagged onyx 
tesserae comprising the mosaic. Efforts at resuscitation were 
unsuccessful. 


BEST PRACTICES 


¢ When performing research within a site of interest, obtain 
basic inoculation against well-known memetic tropes. 

¢ When practical, wear auto-darkening safety goggles whenever 
there is a risk of exposure to anomalous imagery. 


BREACH FATALITY 


On Wednesday, April 30, 2014, a 32-year-old Euclid-qualified SCP 
researcher at Site-66 with eighteen months of research experience 
was fatally injured while traversing Containment Sector Foxtrot when 
he was struck in the chest by a proboscis of SCP- after it 
penetrated Containment Cell No. 26. 


The victim was not assigned to SCP- __, but passed containment 
chamber No. 26 on his way back to his office from the cafeteria. 
Ordinarily, the victim would have taken approved pedestrian route 
No. 6, which did not pass through any containment sectors, but 
earlier that day an unrelated breach had left a disagreeable odor in 
the approved route. 


The assigned, active researcher, wearing a standard bio-signature 
suppression suit, and operating a hydraulic entity probe arm directly 
attached to the containment wall, gestured to the victim for 
assistance in clearing a jam. 


As the unprotected victim approached the assigned researcher, he 
crossed the yellow warning stripe positioned 5 meters from the 
containment wall. Almost immediately, a toothed proboscis 
breached through 5cm thick steel plating, pierced his heart, and 
exsanguinated him. 


During the subsequent investigation, it was discovered that the 
victim was carrying two peanut butter cookies, baked in the cafeteria 
kitchen only an hour before, in the breast pocket where he was 
struck. 


BEST PRACTICES 


Use only approved pedestrian routes for travel between safe 

areas within a site. 

Follow standard procedures for servicing failed equipment; do 

not enlist help from staff unfamiliar with your assigned SCP. 

* Heed all warning indicators, lamps, and signs, their placement 
is precise. 

¢ Never bring foodstuffs into containment zones. 


BREACH FATALITY 


On Saturday, May 2, 2014, two Keter qualified SCP researchers 
with 15 and 12 years' hazardous research experience at remote 
Site-307 were transmuted into an organic substance similar to 
alburnum, and then fatally incinerated after four redundant 


suppressant lamps failed within thirty seconds of one another. 


Facility records showed that the bulbs in all four lamps had been 
installed and illuminated on the same date about 30 months earlier, 
when the special containment procedures had been revised. 
Subsequent review of the manufacturer's specifications indicated 
that the bulbs had a mean lifetime of 21925.7 hours, with a standard 
deviation of .1 hours. Supply manifests indicated that 24 spares 
were on hand, and that none had been used since the original 
installation. 


The victims had been assigned to Site-307 for forty-four months 
without incident, and were performing routine weekly vivisection of 
SCP- when the breach occurred. 


BEST PRACTICES 


¢ Replacement schedules of redundant consumables should be 
rotated to stagger MTBF. 

¢ Attending annual pain threshold training may considerably 
increase survivability in breach scenarios. 


CONTAINMENT FATALITY 


On Saturday, July 5, 2014, a 63-year old Conflagration Specialist 
with thirty-seven years of experience was killed while attempting to 
contain a novel anomaly. 


The victim was attached to MTF Delta-2 ("Rocky Mountain Spotted 
Oysters"), in pursuit of multiple Euclid entities that had emerged 
from geothermal vents west of Cody, Wyoming. The Specialist's 
primary containment role was the suppression of fires (this was a 
particularly flammable environment), and his secondary role was 
coordination of threat-tuned artillery and airstrikes. 


In this case, the offensive payload was experimental anhydrous 

at 270° C, which has since been conclusively demonstrated an 
effective immobilant of flame-based SCPs. When used as directed, 
it carries a low risk of direct harm to approved targets; however, the 
molten state tends to ignite incidental fires.