Dr. Telford: There are these pyramids of that 
green stuff, full of ladybirds and millipedes 
being shot off into space. They're just being 
launched from the body of this creature. | can 
see it, they're boarding them and they are just 
thrusting away. SCP-3770 and SCP-2794. | 
can't believe it. 


[pause] 


Dr. Telford: I-| see more of them in the 
distance, green with bright white spots. More 
ladybirds- or planets. They are everywhere 
now, like a swarm... There's a sign in the rock. 
It's translucent, | can make out the writing. 
"Testing Zone 02: Site-94". Oh my word. 


[hallucination ends] 


Footnotes 

1. Mozambique fire millipede 

2. if said material, or any similar substance is available. If not, the 
3770 1A event will cease. 

3. Vietnamese giant centipede 

4. Madagascan hissing cockroach 

5. wasp spider 

6. carpenter ant 


SCP-3771: Americans Be Eating Cheesed Burger 


Item #: SCP-3771 
Object Class: Safe 


Special Containment Procedures: SCP-3771 is to be monitored 
through a live video feed at all times. In addition, two guards are to 
be posted at the entrance of SCP-3771 to prevent civilian access. 
Should any civilians attempt to enter SCP-3771, they are to be 
turned away politely, only using force should they attempt to enter 
regardless. 


Should Foundation personnel wish to eat any food from SCP-3771, 
they are to not eat any menu items that the Foundation deems 
potentially lethal. 


Description: SCP-3771 is a restaurant located in , Hawai'i 
known as "Burger Island". Subjects who enter SCP-3771 are 
typically greeted by the restaurant's owner, a Polynesian woman 
aged 58 years old by the name of A__— Bueno designated Pol-273. 
Should a subject request to dine at SCP-3771, Pol-273 will escort 
them to a table and hand them a menu (See Table below) with 
various food items for order. No prices are listed for any items on the 
menu. 


No other employees have been seen at SCP-3771, but despite this, 
all food ordered will be given to the customer approximately 10 
minutes after ordering. While any food served visually appears to be 
what the subject ordered, consumption of the food results in the food 
transforming into a different and objectively healthier food related to 
what was consumed. 


Food ordered cannot be removed from the perimeter of SCP-3771, 
as any attempt to exit SCP-3771 while in possession of uneaten 
food will cause the food to disintegrate. Leaving without ordering any 
food will not have any adverse effects. 


Below is a list of select menu items and their effects. 


Menu item Transformation Notes 
The Hawaiian Dream Upon consumption, a Typical result after 
Burger, a beef patty | whole pineapple formsconsumption is death 
topped with rum- in place of the food | due to internal 
cooked pineapple consumed. bleeding. 
rings, American 
cheese, barbecue 
sauce and onions. 
Served on a sesame 
seed bun. 
The Chutney Burger} Upon consumption, a Subjects feel 
a ground pork patty | papaya puree forms indiscomfort at the 


topped with papaya | place of the food immediate liquidation 
chutney, red peppers, consumed. of the food as it 
onions and a lime- digests. 


infused mayonnaise. 
Served on a sesame 


seed bun. 

The Hawaiian Sunset Upon consumption of Has caused choking, 
Wings, a plate of each individual wing; ahowever the entire 
bone-in chicken wings portion of chicken meal can be 

coated in a sauce breast replaces the | consumed without 
consisting of soy food consumed. death. 


sauce, ketchup and 

pineapple juice. 

Sweet Potato Fries, | Upon consumption, | Subjects report a loss 

deep fried sticks of | each fry loses any salt of most of the flavor in 

sweet potatoes tossedand oil that remained. the food, however 

with salt. Served with If it was consumed report little problems 

ketchup. with ketchup, the in the consumption 
Ketchup evaporates. itself. 

A Standard Margarita, Upon consumption, all Subjects reported 


made with two ounces alcohol content is experiencing no 
of tequila, one ounce removed from the difference aside from 
of Cointreau and one drink. the lack of inebriation. 


ounce of lime juice. 
Served in a glass with 
a Salt rim. 


Addendum: 


Below is an interview with Pol-273, conducted by Agent Willamette 
Cooper on 9/28/ 


<Begin Log> 


Agent Cooper is seated in a booth located on the eastern 
side of SCP-3771. Pol-273 hands her a menu and 
begins to leave. 


Agent Cooper: Um, miss, | actually already know what | 
would like to order. 


Pol-273: Oh! You certainly decide quick, don't you? Well, 
what would you like, then? 


Pol-273 takes a pad of paper from her pocket and 
prepares to write. 


Agent Cooper: Well, | actually have a few questions, 
first. Just, just to be sure | get what | want to order. 


Pol-273: Oh, certainly! Anything that could make your 
time here more enjoyable. 


Agent Cooper: Well, ah, | heard that eating a few things 
on this menu can cause some, ah, adverse effects. Do 
you know anything about this? 


Pol-273 snorts. 


Pol-273: Adverse? As if anything | make doesn't help 
people out for the better. People love my food! 


Agent Cooper: So you know about how people here die 
sometimes after eating here? Particularly from food 
suddenly appearing in place of what you served them? 


Pol-273: Oh, some recipes are a bit old, but | don't have 
the heart to remove them. I've been running this place for 
years, | don't intend to suddenly change the menu and 


confuse the regulars. 


Note: No other customers other than Foundation 
personnel have been seen in SCP-3771. 


Agent Cooper: So it's on purpose? What possible 
reason would you have to make food that kills people? 


Pol-273: Oh, / don't make food that kills people, it's 
those dirty, greasy fast food places that are killing 
people! So often are people subjected to eating cheap, 
unhealthy food that just makes them fatter and fatter 
while the price of healthy food is jacked up to kingdom 
come! It's why everything | offer here is organic, locally- 
grown, and of course, free! 


Agent Cooper: But you serve people burgers and 
alcohol and chicken wings? 


Pol-273: Well, when people are so used to eating the 
unhealthy stuff, sometimes people need to ease into the 
good stuff! It's like taking a pill with a glass of water; it 
just makes it easier to go down. 


Agent Cooper: This whole thing, this whole restaurant is 
just a health joint in disguise? 


Pol-273: You say that like it's a bad thing! Everyone 
deserves to be healthy at a good price. Now, are you 
going to order anything? 


Agent Cooper looks back down at her menu. 
Agent Cooper: Which of these are newer recipes? 
Extraneous dialogue expunged. 


<End Log> 


SCP-3772 


Item #: SCP-3772 
Object Class: Safe 


Special Containment Procedures: As SCP-3772 is considered 
dormant, and can be easily disregarded as non-anomalous, 
containment focuses on suppression of discussion surrounding its 
method of distribution. Contacts in all major media-sharing platforms 
are working alongside the Foundation to assist with pre-emptive 
removal of media meeting SCP-3772's parameters, under the guise 
of content-protection rules. 


Description: SCP-3772 is a phenomenon whereby internet content 
meeting certain criteria will convert to a video or infographic relating 
to the death of Faith Bassen in 2020. This conversion only affects 
end-user machines, and does not alter the media for others who 
have not triggered the phenomenon. The primary parameter 
ascertained is that the content is not owned or created by the poster, 
and a caption of or within the content alludes to a desire to discover 
the content's creator, whether or not said desire can be judged to be 
genuine!. Chances of SCP-3772 occurring are greater when a user 
is on US geopolitical territory, and particularly as a user approaches 
the census-designated place of Comfort, Texas. 


Most commonly, SCP-3772 manifests as a static image of Faith 
Bassen with captioning providing details of her disappearance and 
the discovery of her body, with a strong focus on the lack of an 
official investigation by the local police force. When manifesting in 
video form, this information will commonly give way to phone 
camera recordings of Faith, with the names and faces of others 
appearing in the footage digitally censored. This footage is 
interspersed with graphic and provocative descriptions of her 
injuries, threats towards the perpetrators and the repeated line 
"FAITH BASSEN WAS MURDERED", which doubled as a hashtag 
for the movement to press the local police force to investigate the 


death. 


The first known instance of SCP-3772 came to the Foundation's 
attention on 8/12/2020, two months after the death of Ms Bassen. 
After confirmation of anomalous nature, initial containment focused 
on suppression of discussion and investigation of SCP-3772's 
trigger parameters. The Unusual Incidents Unit took over 
management of the investigation following Foundation prompting, 
and suspects were successfully brought to trial between May and 
July 2021. Following this, the incident rate of SCP-3772 
manifestations dropped almost completely. 


Addendum 1 


Analysis of existing archived chatlogs for Gol-5869 ("Gamers 
Against Weed") show a number of conversations related to this 
issue, primarily involving the users warysue and tiedyeduck in a 
sidechat labelled wip. As chatlogs are only available from the laptop 
of a member of the Gol who had little interaction with warysue, the 
majority of these conversations are contextless or incomplete. 


+ Snippet 1: 11/17/2020 


-> you joined 

gaycopmp4: that all sounds doable yeah but 
we'll need to work on the specific vids you 
wanna include 

bluntfiend: You're really going for this, huh? 
-> Quavo joined 

warysue: we are. It's Important 

Quavo: glah 

gaycopmp4: strip out identifiers etc we don't 
want people complaining you're spreading 
their image 

gaycopmp4: we'll leave 4chamber's in obv 
warysue: just call her Faith . not 

warysue: not like her privacy matters now 
<- Quavo left 

tiedyeduck: Can | just go on the record as 
very fucking against this 

warysue: Fuck You 


bluntfiend: I'm inclined toward tiedye- Whoah 
ok. 
warysue: she's dead and I'm the Only One 
trying to do something about it 
tiedyeduck: | was going to elucidate my point 
but if you're going to be like this it'd be futile 
warysue: and gcm . 
bluntfiend: Ok, listen up. 
bones: I'm going to preemptively ask that you 
move this conversation to PMs. Warysue, 
while | understand your pain, it would serve 
you well to give benefit of the doubt in this 
context. 
bluntfiend: Never mind, bones is on it. 
warysue: noted, and Fuck that 
warysue: gaycopmp4: lemme know on the 
discord if you've 
warysue: got more questions . I'll work on 
fuzzing out faces And Shit 
<- warysue left 
tiedyeduck: Look, I'm not saying the idea is 
fundamentally bad, but the execution you're 
discussing is just crass. 
gaycopmp4: she's gone 
tiedyeduck: yeah 
tiedyeduck: :/ 
bones: She is grieving a close friend. Her 
behavior may be more extreme for a time, but 
remember that she is working through a 
trauma. | believe you know what that feels like. 
tiedyeduck: We all do, bones. 
tiedyeduck: This is gonna be a clusterfuck, 
isn't it? 

+ Snippet 2: 11/22/2020 
-> warysue joined 
lesbian_gengar: | /could/ do that but what 


would be the point 
warysue: hey All 


should an insect be on or nearby them when attacking, usually 
resulting in severe injury or death should said organism(s) fail to 
move in time. However, due to the number of objects moving at 
once, SCP-489 often fails to reach the target at all, instead having 
individual parts impede one another's movement. If SCP-489 fails to 
kill the insect(s), individual items on SCP-489 become hostile to one 
another and begin hitting objects adjacent to them. When not in the 
presence of an insect, SCP-489 is relatively docile, making study of 
it easier. 


Should SCP-489 successfully terminate an insect, objects capable 
of handling it safely (e.g. tweezers, shovels, etc.) will retrieve and 
pass the insect along the edge of SCP-489 towards the storage 
space of SCP-489; during this time, it becomes possible to see the 
transit van without imaging due to items moving out of the way to 
open the doors. The storage space of the van in SCP-489 
possesses extradimensional properties, containing dozens of rows 
of glass jars stored on wooden shelves; every jar is full of various 
dead insects. 


If presented with new objects that would be considered "bug-killers", 
SCP-489 will readily attempt to incorporate them into itself; however, 
this habit makes its goal of exterminating insects even more difficult 

with the newly acquired mass. Newly added items immediately show 
signs of sentience. 


When new items are introduced to SCP-489, other items will enter 
the van's storage space and bring numerous jars containing 
disproportionately large specimens to the front of the storage space. 
These samples appear to serve as trophies for SCP-489; each jar is 
labeled with a date, and how the insect was obtained. Newly added 
items will gather around these jars in apparent admiration. Below is 
a list of several soecimens SCP-489 has presented: 


+ Show: List of specimens in SCP-489 


Description: Three beetle-like creatures each 
measuring ~1.5 meters in length. The abdomens are 
covered in large thorn-like protrusions. 


The Savage Spine-Shooting Beetles! 


harmpit: comn gnengar you knwo itsll be 
funny as hsit 

kkrule: hey sue i think duck was looking for 
you earlier 

kkrule: tiedyeduck: ping ping 

warysue: | Don't want to talk to 

harmpit: mr fucking olbiquly refranced will 
risse from the asehs 

warysue: to him 

tiedyeduck: | just wanna say I'm sorry. 
lesbian_gengar: talk to gaycop about this 
she's better with computer stuff 

tiedyeduck: | came in too strong the other day 
- | want to help, | just think you're going about 
it the wrong way. 

warysue: that's a shitty apology 

tiedyeduck: Come on. 

kkrule: uh sorry i didnt know you were fighting 
warysue: no you Come On. I'm going about it 
Exactly the way Faith would have wanted it. 
harmpit: ccol cool ill tdo that but fi she says no 
ii can comc bank to you righu 

kkrule: i thought he wanted to do over watch 
or something 

tiedyeduck: Exactly what she would have 
wanted? I've seen your demo posters. The 
places you're intending these to end up, she'll 
end up in the hands of people who'll make her 
a target for ridicule. 

warysue: 1 . | know there's Awful People out 
there that's why Faith is fucking dead and 2. | 
thin 

warysue: 2. | think there's more people out 
there who'll listen and tweet 

kkrule: god im really sorry waysue 

warysue: it's ok kkrule just Ssh 

tiedyeduck: Is that worth it, though? Her face 
getting used for awful jokes, becoming 
synonymous with all the other dead trans girls 
they fucking meme about. She's not gonna 


come back. 

warysue: | can't believe you'd fuck 

warysue: fucking say that , of course its Worth 
It to catch whoever did it 

harmpit: i ccant beleieve youd fcuck haaaaaa 
bones: Inappropriate in the context, harmpit. 
tiedyeduck: You really think it'll achieve that? 
Even if the cops do start an investigation, it's 
been weeks and she was found on a 
riverbank, there's no evidence to examine. 
Maybe if they'd done a proper autopsy they'd 
have something to work on, but they couldn't. 
kkrule: yeah not cool harmpit come on 

-> you left (Timeout) 


+ Snippet 3: 12/9/2020 


orbhorse: pee is stored in the galls 

-> warysue joined 

heartshapeddoxx: ob dude you're the worst 
bones: Warysue, you should know that The 
Daily Dot published a short article about 
#FaithBassenWasMurdered 23 minutes ago. 
warysue: | was just about to link it, yeah ! 
bluntfiend: Shit my guys, | think | just 
swallowed a whole chicken wing.