S: [shakes tail] Chchchch, chchchch ch ch 
chch cheee-aaah! [darts up tree] 


O: [yawns] 
R: [wags tail] 


Note: due to the tireless work of MTF Zeta-00, the water 
supply of Portland, OR, was spared. 


SCP-173-J: The Original "The Sculpture" 


Item #: SCP-173-J 
Object Class: Euclid!2 


Special Containment Procedures: Item SCP-173-J is to be given 
a container to act as a central living area. As SCP-173-J is basically 
harmless, is to be permitted to move freely about Facility-17. The 
Site Director foresees no adverse consequences from this policy. 


UPDATE: Following disastrous unforeseen consequences, new 
containment procedures are in development. See Incident Log 
8/17/92. 


Description: Contained in Facility-17, as of 19923. Origin is as of 
yet unknown. It is constructed from concrete and rebar with traces of 
Krylon brand spray paint, as well as what appears to be state-fair- 
grade water-based face paint in a "cat face" pattern. SCP-173-J is 
animate and extremely playful. The object cannot move while within 
a direct line of sight. Object is reported to initiate interaction by 
standing uncomfortably close to subjects. Some personnel have 
reported low, asthmatic-sounding sniffling noises; these are 
presumed to be imaginary, or memetic, or something. SCP-173-J's 
primary motive seems to be seeking attention; for example, if 
SCP-173-J encounters a researcher working on a computer or 
reading a document, and the researcher blinks, the sculpture will 
stand on the object in an attempt to gain the researcher's focus. If 
SCP-173-J is in a room possessing a window, it will sometimes take 
hold of a researcher's head and move it to face the window. This 
has been construed as SCP-173-J earnestly requesting to play 
outside. The established procedure for handling these situations is 
to pat SCP-173-J in a friendly manner and say "Run along now, you 
little scamp." 


Note that SCP-173-J’s action occurs too quickly for subjects to 
respond; when at full speed, the object is capable of completing 


three (3) shenanigans per second. 


On 7/20/92, SCP-173-J appeared wearing a sombrero. The object 
entered a "fiesta state" in which, according to audio analysis, it 
produced and rapidly shook a pair of castanets while running in 
unoccupied rooms or hallways. The origin of this hat-based 
secondary phenomenon is unknown, but the Site Director 
determined that confiscating it or investigating the event in any other 
way would be, to quote the official directive, "interfering with forces 
beyond our comprehension". Facility-17 staff have reported in 
official transcripts that this phenomenon was "loads of fun" and "like 
Christmas, Cinco de Mayo, and Free Pretzel Day at the cafeteria put 
together". Any staff who attempt to induce a "fiesta state" in 
SCP-173-J will be assigned to toilet bowl duty. 


Personnel report the sound of scraping stone originating from within 
the container when no one else is present inside and the object is 
not under video surveillance. Freelance stone-scraping analysts 
have determined that SCP-173-J is practicing the dance of its 
people. This is considered normal, and any change in this behavior 
should be reported to the acting HMCL supervisor on duty. 


The thick, brown substance on the floor of SCP-173-J's dwelling is 
[DATA EXPUNGED]-O brand chocolate pudding. Origin of this 
material is unknown. The substance poses no apparent danger, and 
is allowed to accumulate freely. UPDATE: SEE INCIDENT LOG 
8/14/92. 


Incident Log 8/14/92: 


Assistant Researcher Bramwell was assigned to inspect 
SCP-173-J for physical changes. Researchers Murphy 
and Nichols spoke to him using a two-way handheld 
communicator. The following is a transcript of the 
communication transmitted during the inspection. 


Bramwell: Guys? This floor is really... really slippery. 
Murphy: Man, | bet. 


Nichols: No surprise there, it’s all puddingy. 


Bramwell: No, | mean | don’t think | can even get over to 
the sculpture. This stuff is a few inches deep. 


Nichols: You mean “a few centimeters deep”. 


Murphy: This is probably going on the record. At least 
try to be professional. 


Bramwell: [EXPLETIVE]! /A collision is heard.] \t’s in my 
eyes—Oh, [EXPLETIVE]! 


Murphy: Didn’t you hear what he just said? Watch your 
language, Doctor. 


Bramwell: It's standing over me, just... just waiting, | 
think. 


Nichols: It sounds like he's up for a pudding wrassle 
[sic]. \t's okay, I'm pretty sure you can take him. 


Bramwell: Oh, god, | just blinked and he's leaning 
toward me— /A muffled scream can be heard.] 


Nichols: Don't worry about language. It'll probably just 
be taken out in the transcript. 


Bramwell: It’s on top of me! | can’t see, and it’s crushing 
my [unintelligible] 


Murphy: It's just a pin, man, you can reverse it! Wait, 
they can do that? 


Nichols: Sure. It’s called redaction. 


Bramwell: | can't! He must weigh /gurgling cough] four 
hundred (400) pounds! 


Nichols: Nice clinical tone! You got this! 


Murphy: Redaction, huh? [EXPLETIVE], that’s fantastic. 
[chuckles] | said [EXPLETIVE]. Seriously, how have | not 
heard about this? 


Nichols: They only just started doing it. It’s actually 
encouraged, since it apparently makes the 
documentation more interesting and suspenseful if you 
leave out the scary or salacious bits. 


Bramwell: I'm losing consciousness! 


Murphy: Nichols, that’s really nice of them. There might 
be children reading this. 


Nichols: Sweep the leg! 
Incident Log 8/17/92: 


Following the recovery of Assistant Researcher 
Bramwell’s body, it was determined that the storage 
container required a thorough cleaning to facilitate 
access to its resident. SCP-173-J was monitored 
carefully while high-pressure showers and a large drain 
grate were installed in the chamber. On 8/17, the 
following incident occurred. 


02:00:40: The showers in SCP-173-J’s chamber are 
activated. The pudding is scoured from the floor. 


02:01:34: Researcher Murphy notes that the water- 
based face paint on SCP-173-J is also being washed 
away by the sprinklers. 


02:05:18: The showers are turned off. 


02:20:04: The video feed monitoring SCP-173-J 
deactivates and becomes unresponsive. The interior of 
the chamber is silent. 


02:28:11: The HMCL supervisor is called. 


02:31:46: The HMCL supervisor arrives, takes inventory 
of the situation, and shrugs. 


02:31:52: The HMCL supervisor is fired. 


beneath SCP-554 is out of line of sight of any observer a new 
instance of SCP-554-1 will be generated. Only instances that have 
not yet been moved appear to spread the SCP-554 effect. 
Approximately 10% of all images of SCP-554-1 jin situ cause the 
effect when viewed. Contaminated images and all footage of 
SCP-554-1 are to be destroyed as a matter of course. 


Addendum SCP-554-01 


SCP-554 has been known to the Foundation since 1981 at the 
latest. Due to the secondary effects of SCP-554 the recovery log 
initially attached to this document was lost in its entirety at some 
point prior to 05/07/2005, when the loss was successfully 
documented. Attempts to reconstruct the circumstances by which 
the Foundation became aware of SCP-554 via interviewing staff 
involved with the object at the time are ongoing; the reconstructed 
Recovery Log appears below. Note that to safeguard further 
information pertaining to SCP-554 the primary hard copy of this file 
is stored at Site-33 with a further copy at Site-60. 


Reconstructed Recovery Log 554 


Agent __, nowretired, testifies that SCP-554 was brought to the 
Foundation's attention in early 1979 as part of an investigation into a 
Jonathan, John, or Jeremy , who confessed to a number of 
murders taking place in the 1970s on the Isle of Wight and the south 
coast of England. told police that he had hidden the bodies 
below an old ‘septic tank' on the Culver Downs. 


On arrival police discovered a single body, which was removed and 
found to be that of himself, who had apparently escaped from 
police custody with the destruction of all paperwork relevant to his 
case. Embedded Foundation assets were activated when the officer 
who had made the initial discovery was subsequently found 
murdered in the same location, preceding a string of 
disappearances. Professor , afield agent at the time, recalls 
several Foundation personnel were lost before SCP-554's properties 
were established and believes the identities of these individuals 
were redocumented in a separate file. 


Note: Dr. testifies that several police officers were committed 


02:33:07: Researchers Murphy and Nichols are assigned 
to investigate. 


02:33:51: The two doctors enter the chamber. 
Researcher Nichols notes via two-way communicator 
that the floor near SCP-173-J appears to be tinged dark 
red. Dr. Nichols takes a sample of the coating and 
remarks with extreme surprise that it does not taste like 
pudding at all. 


02:34:01: A song is heard faintly in the background.4 
Researcher Murphy remarks: “I think | have a text 
message.” 


02:34:12: Dr. Nichols groans audibly. Dr. Murphy is 
heard remarking that the sender is most likely Kelly, who 
was previously speculating about breaking up with her 
boyfriend Mark. Dr. Murphy indicates an imperative need 
to discover whether such a procedure has been enacted, 
and if so, whether he can hit that on the rebound. 


02:34:19: Dr. Nichols announces that he will maintain 
line of sight on SCP-173-J by closing one eye at a time. 
[This never works.] 


02:34:26: A snapping sound is heard in the audio feed. 


02:34:28: A second snapping sound is heard in the audio 
feed. 


[REMAINING LOG EXPUNGED] 


Following this event, SCP-173-J’s containment procedures are 
scheduled to be completely revised. The new procedures will 
stipulate that SCP-173-J be kept locked in his containment area, 
which will be cleaned by hand. Any implication that SCP-173-J's 
containment documents should be revised will be denied, as 
SCP-173-J represents the classic roots of the Foundation which 
persist no matter which direction the organization has taken in the 
meantime. 


Before this revision was ordered, the Site Director requested that 
Foundation Senior Staff decommission SCP-173-J due to its new 
properties, as the staffers are, to quote the Director’s requisition 
letter, “awesome and dreamy and wacky”. However, the request 
was denied; all Senior Staff were too busy chatting with, seducing, 
wielding, playing practical jokes with, or riding to victory various SCP 
objects. The Site Director identified this setback as “disastrous to the 
safety and integrity of the Foundation, but exactly as hilarious as 
they think it is”. 


Footnotes 

1. Following Incident 8/17/92, SCP-173-uJ's object class may have to 
be revised. 

2. On 8/21/92, the action to which footnote 1 referred was made 
unnecessary, as the object class Euclid has been altered, and no 
longer refers to items with cat faces. 

3. Spaces were not added to containment site names until 1995. 

4. This is later determined to be an eight-second clip of “Rock You 
Like A Hurricane” by The Scorpions. 


SCP-049-J: The Plague Fellow 


Item #: SCP-049-J 
Object Class: Euclid 


Special Containment Procedures: SCP-049-J is contained at 
Site-19 Site-101 Site-17 Site-81 Site-13 Special Restricted High 
Security Top Secret MK-Ultra Area Region Landmass 101.5 WFML 
near Richmond, VA. SCP-049-J is permitted to leave its holding cell 
only under supervision of two (2) (II) (#1) (dos) guards armed with 
AR-15 rifles and stun batons. 


Due to olfactory concerns for staff assigned to SCP-049-J, the entity 
is no longer allowed to remove its mask. 


Description: SCP-049-J is a humanoid entity wearing the period 
appropriate garb of a medieval plague doctor. Further analysis of 
SCP-049-J has revealed that under its robes, the entity is composed 
mostly of moss, wads of tissue, and other, smaller plague doctor 
masks. It is generally compliant with Foundation staff, but will 
sometimes lie and occasionally sweat profusely for no reason 
whatsoever. 


During SCP-049-J’s time in Foundation custody, it has continually 
claimed to be a powerful magical doctor wizard, capable of “curing” 
that which “ails mankind”. To date, it has been unable to cure 
literally anything, and typically only exacerbates conditions 
considerably. 


While this alone would not be enough for the Foundation to hold 
SCP-049-J indefinitely as an anomalous entity, it has also proven 
capable of somehow always evading capture and escaping from 
Foundation sites after its true lack of capabilities are revealed. 
Because of this, and because of staff's unwavering curiosity as to 
whether it has any of the self-proclaimed magical healing abilities it 
describes, SCP-049-J is to be housed and treated as an anomalous 


entity. 

Addendum 049-J.1: Interview 
[BEGIN LOG] 
Dr. Baker: Hello SCP-049-J, welcome to- 
SCP-049-J: | am a doctor. 


Dr. Baker: -uh, yes, I’m aware. We're just doing this as 
a- 


SCP-049-J: | have the cure. 


Dr. Baker: (Pauses) ...yes, well, we'll get to that. First 
off, can you tell me your name? 


SCP-049-J: Yes hmm quite very well | have the cure 
good sir indubitably yes | am a doctor. 


Dr. Baker: ...what? 


SCP-049-J: Bring me to the patient, | will heal them. 
(Gestures with pointed doctor stick) 


Dr. Baker: Jesus, watch- fuck, watch where you’re 
swinging that. 


SCP-049-J: | am the cure. 


Dr. Baker: What in the world are you- ohh, | get it. 
You're sort of a moron, aren’t you? 


SCP-049-J: No good sir | am most effective. | mean, my 
cure. | am the cure. Very effective. The most. Because | 
am a doctor. 


Dr. Baker: Right, we were going to look into that. Let’s, 
uh- (gestures for assistants) 


Two researchers wheel in a patient on a table. 


Dr. Baker: So this patient- 


SCP-049-J: (Sniff) -has the pestilence yes mmmmmmm 
| can smell it. 


Dr. Baker: ...has a sore throat. We were wondering if 
you know of any cures to fix their ailments. 


SCP-049-J: |... (oauses) yes, of course. | am a doctor 
after all. (Subject begins to dig around in their doctor bag 
for some time.) 


Dr. Baker: Need any help over there? 


SCP-049-J: NO! (Muttering) He is not the cure. | am the 
cure. (Pauses) Ah, yes. This will do the trick. 


Dr. Baker: That is a shoe. 
SCP-049-J: Yes. 

Dr. Baker: That will heal this person? 
SCP-049-J: It is the cure. 

Dr. Baker: Alright, go ahead. 


SCP-049-J proceeds to gesture dramatically over the 
patient before violently beating the patient’s throat with a 
shoe. 


Dr. Baker: Whoa, fuck! What are you doing? How is this 
supposed to help? 


SCP-049-J: (Shrieking incoherently) 


After a moment, the entity stops. The patient lies 
mutilated and dead on the tabletop. 


Dr. Baker: ...what the fuck was that? 


SCP-049-J: (Dramatic gesture) Patient is healed. 


Dr. Baker: What? No she’s not! You just crushed her 
throat with a shoe! 


SCP-049-J: No patient is very well now yes | am the 
cure. 


Dr. Baker: Look at all this blood! Moral atrocities aside 
this is going to take hours to clean up! You just killed a 
person! 


SCP-049-J: No they are cured yes watch (Grabs the 
corner of the patient’s mouth and begins to move it while 
speaking out of the corner of his own.) Hello yes | am the 
patient good sir and | am cured most effective thank you 
doctor you did a good job you are the best doctor 
mmhmm mmhmm. 


Dr. Baker: Now look here, | see your hand down there. | 
know that isn’t the patient talking. What is this supposed 
to be? 


SCP-049-J: (Pauses) Uh. (Pauses) Oh look, more 
pestilence over there. (Points behind Dr. Baker) 


Dr. Baker: (Turns to look) What? Whe- oh for fucks sake 
he’s gone again. God dammit.