SCP-3008-1 is Known to have one or more exits located within 
though these exits do not appear to have a fixed position, making it 
difficult to leave SCP-3008-1 once inside. Using any other door 
besides the main entrance to enter the structure or breaking through 
the walls of the retail unit leads into the non-anomalous interior of 
the original store. 


Since containment began 14 individuals have managed to exit 
SCP-3008. Following extensive debriefing all individuals have been 
administered amnestics and released. 


Incident 3008-1: At 00:37 on / /200 a human male exited 

SCP-3008, followed 10 seconds later by an instance of SCP-3008-2. 
SCP-3008-2 caught and killed the man before itself being terminated 
by armed response personnel. This incident represents the only time 


an instance of SCP-3008-2 has been seen exiting SCP-3008. A full 
autopsy on the corpse was performed; see 3008-2 Autopsy Log for 
more details. 


The man was carrying an IKEA-branded journal seeming to 
document his time in SCP-3008-1, transcribed below verbatim. 


+ Transcription of journal recovered from Incident 3008-1 


So, I'm writing this to document what | can 
only assume is my sudden descent into 
insanity. | can't possibly be THAT bad a 
navigator, and yet as | write this I've been 
trapped in Ikea for 2 days. | haven't seen 
another person in the entire time I've been 
here. | thought it was a prank at first. Turn the 
place into a maze, get all the people out and 
see how long it takes me to get lost, then 
everyone has a good old laugh. Realised that 
wasn't the case when | tried to backtrack. 
Everything had changed, so | ended up lost. 
Instead of the exit, it was just row after row of 
bookcases. 


So, I'm trapped in Ikea. Sounds like the setup 
for a bad joke. The lights went out at 10pm. 
Nearly gave me a fucking heart attack, that 
loud electrical THUNK sound and then pitch 
blackness. Place is full of beds though and my 
phone has a torch on it - but no damn signal - 
so | found a bed and went to sleep. Spent 
most of the next day trying to find my way out 
with no luck. Did find a restaurant serving 
those meatballs though, so at least | won't 
starve. That's probably the punchline to that 
joke. Anyway they were still warm and fresh, 
but | haven't seen anyone around who could 
have cooked them. Made my way back to the 
beds before the lights cut out again since it's 
too dark to search with them off. 


It's 9.10am now, the lights came back on a 
little while ago. I'm sure I've searched the 
entire area around where | came in now and 
the exit obviously isn't here, so I'm going to 
pick a direction and hope for the best. 


Day 3 of my magical Ikea mystery adventure. 
If | wasn't sure that there was something 
seriously weird about this place before, | am 
now. Walked for 3 hours in a more or less 
straight line (insert Ikea joke here) before | 
came across a ladder next to one of those 
huge stock shelves they have here. Climbed 
up to get my bearings, and it looks like this 
place just stretches on forever. Like that scene 
from the Lion King, except instead of trees and 
grass it was all shelves and tables and crap. | 
did see a person moving not too far away 
though, so | headed over. 


Thought it was a staff member at first - it was 
wearing the uniform. And hell maybe it was, 
maybe freakish 7ft tall monsters with long 
arms, short legs and no faces are just the 
kinds of thing they want working at Super Ikea. 
Damn thing completely ignored me though, 
and with no eyes or ears | can't even be sure it 
knew | was there. Thought about shoving it or 
something to get its attention, but its hands 
were big enough to crush a water melon so | 
decided against it. It just kept moving along 
and eventually | lost sight of it so | decided to 
carry on the way | was going. 


Anyway, no comfy bed for me tonight. Looks 
like I've entered the Improbably Hard and 
Pointy Table section of the store. Guess |'ll 
have to make do with some bunched up 
tablecloths. Phone battery died during the day 
too. Didn't work anyway, but | feel like I've just 


lost some vital lifeline. 


You ever see one of those cartoons where 
they're going through doors in a hallway and 
they just pop out of another door in the same 
hallway? That's how | feel right now. I've seen 
nothing but the same identical bookshelf for 2 
days now. Just row after row after row of them. 
| mean, come on. | love books as much as the 
next guy, but this is excessive. I'm obviously 
still moving forwards though, | can see the 
signs hanging overhead passing by. Too bad 
none of them say "Exit". 


Not sure who | was addressing that question 
to. Lets just say it was practice for the 
autobiography I'm going to write when | get out 
of here. I'll call it "My perfectly normal trip to a 
regular old Ikea". 


If | ever get out o 


Finally found some other people! Yeah, turns 
out I'm not the only poor bastard trapped in 
here. Lucky for me, | guess. My 6th night here, 
2 of those staff things came at me in the dark. 
Different from the first one | saw, but still 
messed up. Heard them coming, they were 
saying that the store was closed and | had to 
leave the building, all nice and polite like. I'm 
not sure which part of that was weirder, that 
they don't have mouths or that they were 
apparently trying to kill me while they were 
saying it. Came at me like rabid dogs. 


So, | legged it. Sprinting through ikea in the 
dark like a fucking madman. | saw it when | 
cleared another stand of those giant stock 
shelves, all lit up with torches and floodlights. 
They've built a whole town in here! Got a 
massive wall built out of shelves and beds and 


tables and whatever else. | swear to god it was 
the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. 
Anyway | guess they saw me coming (or 
maybe they heard my girlish manly bellows of 
fear), because they had a gate open and 2 
people were there waving me in. Heard the 
staff things slam into the gate behind me after 
it closed, still politely informing us all that the 
store was now closed. They wandered off 
eventually though. 


They call the town Exchange, because that's 
whats on the sign hanging from the ceiling 
directly above it. Exchange and Returns. All lit 
up against the night using lights they've found 
and plugged into the power lines. And there 
are beds and food and people. Over 50 
wonderful people with regular sized limbs and 
a full set of facial features. It's now my 7th 
night here, and the first one not spent in 
darkness. A full week living in Ikea. There's 
probably a TV show in that somewhere. 


Now that I'm around other people, I'm starting 
to feel more normal. Maybe normal isn't the 
word. But after a week with only the sound of 
my own footsteps for company, | was 
becoming increasingly sure that I'd just gone 
nuts. That | was tied up in some padded room 
somewhere, banging my head against the 
wall. But no, | feel quite sane now, thank you 
very much! 


Apparently there are other towns out there. 
Some with more people, some with less. | 
found that fairly mind-boggling - how can that 
many people go missing with no one noticing. 
Surely someone would have noticed that 
everyone who goes to ikea seems to fucking 
vanish. Or maybe it's not everyone. Maybe 


we're just the lucky ones. 


The people here just call those staff monster 
things the Staff. Apparently they are fine 
during the day, minding their own business 
walking the aisles. As soon as those lights go 
out though, they go fucking bonkers. So during 
the day people go out to find food, water and 
whatever else they need. Apparently there are 
restaurants and shops around that randomly 
get restocked. No one knows how. Maybe the 
staff do it. Apparently they aren't very good at 
their jobs though because the restocking 
sometimes takes a while, which means the 
food needs to be rationed. Maybe if they 
weren't so busy chasing people around in the 
dark they'd get more done. 


Anyway when night comes the staff go nuts 
and everyone holds up inside the walls. 
Apparently it's the same everywhere in this 
place, whatever this place is. The Ur-lkea, 
from whence all other Ikeas sprang. Or maybe 
we're all still just in the regular ikea and this is 
all some fever dream brought on by mind- 
numbing boredom. Who knows. 


Been here for 10 days now. Most of the people 
| asked said they stopped keeping track a long 
time ago and one guy, Chris, said he'd been in 
here for years. 


Years. 
[ILLEGIBLE SCRIBBLES] 


Apparently there are rumours of people who 
do manage to get out. And of people who see 
the exit, only to have it vanish before their very 
eyes. | get the feeling not everyone believes 
that, but | do. Explains how we got stuck in 


here in the first place (sort of). And | mean, 
come on. Staff monsters, row after endless 
row of high quality Swedish furniture. | don't 
know why they would find a disappearing door 
so hard to believe in. 


Anyway, | went out scavenging for food at a 
nearby shop with Sandra and Jerry today. 
Once you learn the landmarks of this place it's 
not so hard to navigate. The overhead signs 
help a lot, but there are others; not too far in 
the distance a huge section of those giant 
stock shelves has collapsed against each 
other and way off in the east (we all assume 
it's east anyway - apparently Ikea doesn't sell 
compasses) is some kind of tower that looks 
like its made of wood, reaches all the way to 
the ceiling. Maybe they were trying to break 
out through the roof. Lights up at night so there 
must be people there, but its apparently a few 
days walk (which means it must be miles 
away) so no one here really Knows for sure. 
Apparently | got incredibly lucky sleeping out in 
the open for a week without getting ripped to 
bits by the staff. That's me. Lucky lucky lucky. 


We found some food in the shop. Guess the 
staff restocked it during the night, which was 
nice of them. There was a telephone on the 
wall, so | figured I'd try it out. There was a 
voice on the other end, but they were just 
talking nonsense. Random words strung 
together with no real meaning. You ever see a 
video of someone with aphasia? Kind of 
sounded like that. Didn't answer me when | 
spoke to them anyway. Sandra says all the 
phones in here are the same. 


Oops, asking the journal questions again! 


| was thinking last night. The ceiling on this 


place is pretty high and as far as anyone can 
tell it goes on forever. Shouldn't there be some 
kind of weather in here? I'm sure | read about 
some NASA building that was so big it had its 
own weather patterns, with clouds and stuff. 
This place is definitely bigger than that, but 
now that | think about it I'm pretty sure I've 
never felt so much as a temperature change in 
here. 


I'll add it to the Grand List of Weird Bullshit. 


The staff attacked the Exchange last night. 
Must have been 20 or 30 of them all just 
asking us to leave the store calm as you like, 
while trying to smash the walls down with their 
bare hands. Apparently this happens pretty 
regularly, so everyone is prepared for it. 
Knives from the restaurants, lawn mower 
blades made into hatchets, a fire axe. One 
guy, Wasim, even made a functional 
crossbow. Anyway the walls have holes in 
them, which | hadn't noticed before, 
specifically so we can stab out at the staff 
when they attack. Took a couple of them down 
myself. They don't seem to bleed, which is 
weird, but they go down as easy as a regular 
person once you start sticking holes in them. 


We had to haul the bodies away in the 
morning. Apparently the dead ones will attract 
more during the night, so we had to get them 
away from Exchange. We have a couple of 
those trolley things they use to move big boxes 
around, so we loaded them up and took them 
over to Pickup. Apparently people just name 
everything in here after whatever sign is 
hanging overhead. 


Pickup was grisly. There were hundreds, 
maybe thousands of dead staff all piled up. 


There was no smell, which was a blessing. 
Apparently in addition to not bleeding, these 
things don't rot either. My curiosity got the 
better of me while we were unloading them, so 
| took a look at one of the more cut-up ones. 
They're just skin, or something that looks like 
skin, all the way through. No muscle, no bone, 
no organs. Are they even really alive in the first 
place? They certainly seem like they have 
bones when they are moving around, 
pounding on the walls. And I'm sure | felt more 
resistance than just skin when the knife went 
in during the night. Maybe something happens 
to them when they die. Just one more thing on 
the ever-increasing list of Weird Shit that goes 
on in here, | guess. 


Something occurred to me, after the staff 
attack the other night. Every time you see a 
situation like this on TV or in a film, like its the 
end of the world or everyone is trapped on an 
island or whatever, once groups like ours start 
to form people always seem to turn on each 
other. Fighting for food or dominance or 
whatever else. That hasn't happened here. 
Apparently people from other towns come by 
from time to time, just to check in or 
occasionally to trade if they are short on 
something. But everything is always cordial. 
Friendly, even. Maybe its the threat of the 
staff, or perhaps the constant restocking of 
supplies in the shops means there's nothing 
much to fight over. 


Maybe people are just better than they are 
generally given credit for. That's a nice 
thought. | think I'll go with that one. 


A dozen people showed up at the gates this 
afternoon from a town called Trolleys. 


gigantea, with one difference. Rather than in a cluster of leaves and 
dirt, eggs are laid and fertilized in the cavity of paralyzed [DATA 
EXPUNGED], followed by death. 


Addendum 1: Note from Dr. Skalder: We've determined that fire 
seems to scare or ward SCP-363 off. In light of this, we have 
equipped three of the members of MTF Eta-Seven, "Creepy 
Crawlies", with military-issue M2A 1-7 flamethrowers. 


Addendum 2: Incident report of breach. 
Document# 363-Alpha: Breach 1 
Personnel involved: MTF-Eta-7 
Date: 21-5-2003 
Location: Site- 


Description: Attempted retrieval of SCP-363 specimen 
during power failure/containment breach. 


<Start of audio log> 


MTF Eta-7 Commander Johnson: Perts, any word from 
Technical on (distortion) cameras? 
Contactsman Perts: No dice, commander. Complete 
equipment failure throughout the sector. 
C. Johnson: Alright. Night-vision on, motion-sensors go. 
Fredmann, McShaugn, Aidelare, report to rendezvous 
point. 
Lieutenant McShaugn: Copy that, commander. Sub- 
team Hornet coming in, over. 
C. Johnson: Sub-team Wasp, come in. 
(Radio silence) 
C. Johnson: Wasp, do you copy? Over. 
Unknown: (Shouting) Jesus Christ almighty, torch that 

- (signal cuts out) 
C. Johnson: Damn it. O'Denn? O'Denn, can you hear 
me? What is your position? Over. 
Lieutenant O'Denn: Outside of Lab 8. We found it, sir. 


Apparently the staff broke through the walls 
and tore the town apart during the night. These 
12 are the only survivors out of over a 
hundred. We let them in, obviously. One more 
point in the human decency column. Later, | 
asked if anyone knew how many of these 
towns there were out there. Between us and 
the new folks, we managed to come up with 
over 20 names. 20 towns filled with people, 
and who knows how many beyond that. 


The motto for this place should be "How Is 
That Even Possible". Surely someone, 
somewhere must be looking for the thousands 
of people that must be in here.