Please note that, due to the nature of Operation Wilhelm and all 
relevant activities, information regarding this is to remain TOP 
SECRET per direct order of the President of the United States. Any 
information leaks shall be treated as existential threats to the United 
States and met with disciplinary action at the discretion of the 
USHRC. 


Sincerely, 


minted 2009 (one of the rarest coins in circulation, and 
highly sought after by collectors). 


Input: 1 "Britannia" Issue 50p coin, dated 1997 

Setting: Fine 

Output: 1 "Britannia" Issue 50p coin, dated 2008. Output 
is notably less tarnished than input. 


Input: 1 "Coat of Arms" 50p coin, dated 2012 
Setting: Fine 

Output: 6 coins, each of a different denomination of 
British Currency. All are in the post-2008 Coat of Arms 
style, although the date on each coin varies between 
2008 and 2014. 


Input: 1 "Kew Gardens" 50p coin, dated 2009 
Setting: Fine 
Output: 1 20p coin, with no date. 


Note: In 2008, due to a mistake at the Royal Mint, a 
single batch of 20p coins were minted without a date. 
These "dateless" 20p coins are highly sought after by 
collectors, in a similar manner to the input coin. 


Name: Agent Reed 
Date: 21/05/2017 
Total Items: (5) brand recording microphones 


Input: (1) microphone, as mentioned above 

Setting: Rough 

Output: A small pile containing coil, wire, and various 
metal sheets 


Input: (1) microphone, as mentioned above 

Setting: Coarse 

Output: Same microphone as mentioned above, heavily 
worn and rusted. 


Input: (1) microphone, as mentioned above 
Setting: 1:1 


Robert T. Mulligan 


Director, USHRC 


OPERATION WILHELM 


Overview: During the concluding years of the Second 
World War, elements of the United States government, 
specifically the United States Higher Research 
Committee and the Office of Strategic Services, became 
aware of remnants of the National Socialist Party 
infiltrating higher echelons of United States 
governmental entities with an unknown, though likely 
hostile, agenda. Through exhaustive investigation, it was 
discovered that many of these individuals were in 
possession of artifacts or items of potentially anomalous 
significance, either retrieved from former Nazi Germany 
prior to the dissolution of its government or stolen from 
agents of the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics. It is 
now understood that these items are being 
systematically identified and captured by another 
organization, referred to solely as "The Foundation", for 
unknown purposes. As the intentions of this organization 
remain unknown to the United States, it is now the 
responsibility of the USHRC and the FBI to retrieve such 
items before they can be used against interests of the 
United States or obtained by The Foundation, at which 
point they are to be treated as permanently lost. 


A log of all known items and their current statuses is 
provided below. Recovery efforts remain ongoing. 


Item Designation Description Current Status 
USHRC-OXI-01 Large metallic staff- | Possessed by Erwin 
like object capable of Schultz, a known 
being wielded by agent of the 
human personnel. Nationalist Socialist 
When directed at party 
another human 


USHRC-OXI-02 


USHRC-OXI-03 


subject, object emits a 

brilliant flash of light 

followed by 

restructuring of the 

target subject at the 

atomic level, resulting 

in an apparently 

random new being. 

Some beings are 

unknown to modern 

science and defy 

understood physical 

laws. 

Small object Recovered by the 
resembling a stuffed) Foundation; current 
elephant toy, origin | whereabouts unknown 
unknown. When 

thrown, dropped, or 

otherwise acted upon 

by an external force, 

object exerts a mass 

and force consistent 

with that of an adult 

elephant, often 

resulting in serious 

injury or death being 

inflicted upon any 

subject impacted by 


the object. 
A medium-sized Recovered by the 
wooden canoe USHRC 


believed to have been 
hand crafted by an 
unknown party. When 
any human subject 
enters the object, the 
bottom of the canoe 
dissipates, followed by 
the canoe inverting its 
position in the water 


USHRC-OXI-04 


and forming a film-like 
sheet of unknown 
composition around 
the head of the 
subject. Death usually 
occurs through 
drowning or 
suffocation within 
several minutes, at 
which point the head 
cannot be found. 
Research personnel 
have suspected that 
the object is a sentient 


predator. 

A collection of Recovered by the 
medically extracted | Foundation; current 
human organs, whereabouts unknown 


including eyes, lungs, 
a heart, a brain, and 
various bones. Each 
item is stored within a 
glass jar filled with an 
unidentified 
transparent liquid. 
When any human 
subject physically 
interacts with these 
jars, the 
corresponding organ 
immediately fails; after 
several seconds, the 
failed organ will be 
replaced through 
unknown means. In 
the case of the brain, 
this results in the 
subject developing an 
entirely different 
personality. 


USHRC-OXI-05 An African male first} Recovered by the 
encountered in Egypt, Foundation; current 
claiming to be "Jesus whereabouts unknown 
Christ" in the literal 
sense. Subject 
exhibits various 
anomalous abilities, 
chiefest among them 
being almost total 
invulnerability to any 
type of physical harm. 

Subject exhibits an 
uncanny knowledge of 
human history and 
religious texts, 
frequently discussing 
an event referred to as 
"The Judgment" 
believed to be of 
apocalyptic 
significance. There is 
no evidence 
conclusively proving 
the subject's true 
identity, though he is 
believed to have been 
initially captured by 
German forces in 
northern Africa and 
transferred to an 
unknown camp based 
on cursory analysis; 
after camp personnel 
were unable to 
neutralize the subject, 
he managed to 
escape through 
unknown means. 

USHRC-OXI-06 A prototype German; Recovered by the 
nuclear weapon USHRC 


USHRC-OXI-07 


incapable of 
detonation due to the 
lack of sufficient 
uranium. Object is 
sentient and will 
communicate with any 
other sentient entity 
nearby. In general, 
object exhibits an 
opinion on human 
warfare described as 
"colorful", with 
excessive use of 
expletives and insults 
believed to be of a 
derogatory nature. 
Object was quoted as 
being aware of its 
nature as a non- 
functioning nuclear 
weapon, but has 
stated that if it is 
capable of change, so 
too is humanity. 
Further research 
ongoing. 
Medium-sized rubber Unknown 
ball of German origin. 
Object exerts a 
repulsive force greatly 
in excess of its initial 
force and is capable of 
penetrating effectively 
any man-made 
material. Object was 
recovered by the 
USHRC and briefly 
contained until a 
security error resulted 
in the ball "bouncing" 


off a chamber wall, 
decapitating a security 
officer and resulting in 
the object departing 
the facility at a velocity 
believed to be 
approaching the 
speed of light. Though 
its current location is 
unknown, research 
personnel have 
speculated that the 
object has departed 
Earth's atmosphere 
and is now travelling 
through the solar 
system. 
USHRC-OXI-08 A bag of chocolate | Recovered by the 
candies of varying USHRC 
shape and color. Each 
candy is sentient and 
will request that it not 
be consumed; should 
a subject consume a 
candy, the remaining 
candies will exhibit 
considerable levels of 
anxiety and fear. 
There is no apparent 
end to the bag, as no 
evidence has been 
found suggesting it will 
ever be empty. A 
failed "revolt" by the 
candies shortly after 
capture was notable 
for its brevity, as 
security personnel 
simply consumed the 
candies after they 


began an ill-fated 
“protest”. 


This log will be updated as more items are brought to the USHRC's 
attention. 


Opossum 


The strangest thing about the situation, Andrew reflected, probably 
wasn't the geometry. (Though that itself was certainly noteworthy. 
Any cubical room where it's possible to roll a ball from the floor to 
the ceiling without crossing any of the walls has something going 
wrong.) It wasn't the bicycle, either; Azathoth knew, he'd seen 
stranger modes of transportation around the city. Soheroid wheels 
that squished too much for comfort were really quite commonplace. 


Even the sight of Great Cthulhu, still dreaming-dead, sleepwalking 
around the city — well, that was less ordinary, but it did happen. At 
least that meant that some of the wilder, more obnoxiously shrieking 
squamous things would cower quietly in corners instead of howling 
Andrew’s ears off as he passed. 


No, the strange thing about the procession careening down the 
impossible streets of R'lyeh was the fact that Cthulhu wasn't 
sleepwalking, He was sleepriding. 


On the bicycle. 
Pursued by, of all things, an opossum. 


Andrew stopped dead in the middle of the street, his feet planted 
squarely on the green decaying cobblestone, to let the sight sink in. 


Cthulhu. On a bicycle. The Elder's ponderous bulk, easily bigger 
than most of the buildings, completely dwarfed the tiny human 
contraption beneath Him. He looked, if the Great Cthulhu could ever 
be described as such, completely ludicrous. 


His great bony legs pistoned, cranking the grotesquely slender 
pedals. Judging by the possum's mad scramble, He was actually 
making very good time, probably rolling along at a good ten miles 
per qar'hrlg. His sheer size drowned speed, though: something that 
big couldn't look fast until it was outracing a flying Mi-go. 


Andrew stopped. Squinted. Something about the sleeping god 
wasn't right. 


As hard as it is to read expression from a writhing mass of tentacles, 
Andrew had had some little experience with that face. It never 
changed — not when He lay in His crypt, not when He stood and 
opened dead blank eyes to sleepwalk, not (they said) when He 
would wake to reshape the world for His Elders' coming. 


Now, though... The eyes were still dead, the tentacles still slowly 
creeping, the skin still mucous and sickly shining. But unless Andrew 
was completely mistaken, the taut batrachian skin of Cthulu's face 
was actually a little bit crinkled around the mouth and eyes. 


His Great Old One was afraid. 
Of an opossum. 


A pang of worry intruded briefly on the observer's shock. If 
something can shake Cthulhu, any denizen of R'lyeh has cause for 
concern. But the twinge faded as quickly as it came. Even gods 
have their nightmares, it seems. And not every dream has any 
meaning. 


Humans dream of showing up naked to work, Nightgaunts of being 
eaten alive by a thousand singing jeweled caterpillars. Andrew 
himself had an awful recurring nightmare involving the ancient 
depths of icy space and a rotten ham sandwich (extra mustard), 
which despite its farcical plot never failed to wake him screaming. If 
Cthulhu's dead dreaming involved being forced to flee small 
mammals while trapped on a bicycle, who was he to judge? 


He'd much rather get out of the road, sit back, and enjoy the show. 


Opportunity Knocks 


It is four thirty in the morning, and I've just woken up in the shower, 
laying in the tub with a fierce stream of hot water gone cold with time 
running frigid down my face. | have no idea how long I've been 
asleep. It doesn't really matter. 


Rising, | grab a towel from the pile on the floor, wrapping it around 
my body with an odd sense of gratitude, and move down the short 
hallway to my tiny bedroom. Looking around the clothes strewn 
about the floor, | find a T-shirt and pants | like (or maybe just choose 
them at random, I'm not really sure anymore...) and shrug them on, 
tug, zip, button, adjust for comfort. Ha, comfort. Ignoring the insistent 
tapping from the other side of the cardboard and duct-tape covered 
window (where my gaze lingers for a moment, but only a moment. | 
think.) | head into the kitchen for breakfast (soggy cereal with milk 
grown slightly warm from the broken refrigerator) and a demotivated 
perusal of the help wanted section of last weeks old newspaper. | 
used to get the newspaper every morning, searching diligently for a 
job, a task, anything to get me moving forward and upward, out of 
this shitty fourteenth floor loft in a slumhouse on the south side of a 
city that hasn't been worth living in by all accounts since the 
seventies, but it doesn't really feel worth it anymore. With a sigh, | 
dump the remaining cereal and set the bowl on the stack of 
unwashed dishes in the sink. | need to get out of here. 


Back down the hall and into my room to grab a jacket (it's freezing in 
here), and my eyes lock on that sheet of cardboard taped over the 
window. From behind it, softly, tap, tap, tap. She's still out there. She 
always is, as soon as it gets dark, until the sun rises, knocking 
gently on the window, fourteen stories up, hair blowing in the night 
time breeze, beckoning me to open the window, to let her in. / can 
change your life, she seems to say, if you'll let me. Shuddering, | 
look away. 


Nate (God | miss that kid) used to tell me that | was depressed, that 


Output: Different brand of microphone, slightly golden. 


Input: (1) microphone, as mentioned above 

Setting: Fine 

Output: Vintage microphone, confirmed to be from the 
1970's. Later confirmed to be identical to the microphone 
used at Elvis Presley's last concert. 


Input: (1) microphone, as mentioned above 

Setting: Very Fine 

Output: A highly reflective, blue microphone. Audio 
recorded on the microphone has no correlation to any 
nearby sounds. Audio is often completely random, 
containing popping, banging, ringing, etc. After 
prolonged exposure to these sounds, subjects report 
feeling nauseous and paranoid. 


Note: This could be used as some sort of interrogation 
device, I'll keep it in the Site- armory, if anyone wants to 
use It. 


Name: Dr. T 

Date: 11/25/17, 18/05/17, 25/05/17 

Total Items: 3 £10 notes. 1 will be used for each test. 
Each test will occur at 12:00pm GMT. 


Input: 1 (One) £10 note 
Setting: 1:1 
Output: HK$100 


Note: Hong Kong was previously British territory prior to 
1997. It is unknown whether SCP-914 chose HKD by 
chance or if it chose this currency due to Hong Kong's 
prior association with Great Britain, although the fact that 
it chose to use a note from the pre-handover era lends to 
the latter theory. Also of note is that HK$100 was, at the 
time of the test, almost equal in value to the £10 used as 
an input. 


Input: 1 (One) £10 note 


| was seeing things, that | should get help. Used to, till one day she 
came knocking on his window too. He called me then, breathless, 
apologizing for not believing me. He sounded strange on the 
phone... eager. | never heard from him again. | wonder if he's better 
off. 


When | first came here, it felt like life was amazing, like the world 
was one big opportunity stretching itself wide in front of me and just 
waiting for me to take that first step. I'd chosen this apartment, with 
its window view of the entire, sprawling, electric starscape of the city 
lit up at night like God's own fallen Christmas tree, just so | could 
look out and revel in that feeling, in that high. That feeling got me 
through the first few months. 


Gradually, though, the joy faded, and | was left with so many needs, 
and so many troubles, and never enough money, and so much time 
to think about it all, and | slipped into the bleak depression I've been 
in up till now. Then one day, she came.