"For you early birds getting up now, good morning from Classic 
Stone FM. Today is September 13th. For, um, those of you getting 
up just now, you may want eat sooty: and relaxing. Well, 
back in '65, The Beatles... well, ; 

September 13th. It's my birthday... 


She slammed the radio off the moment Paul McCartney's singing 
tried butting in. 


6:25 A.M. 


Labelle tried making pancakes for breakfast. Lost in her train of 
thought, she slammed her hand upon the stove. 


"Fuck!" 


9:20 A.M. 


"Aww, what's the matter, Belle? It's your birthday!" 


"Put a sock in it." She shot a sideways glare at Jeffery Ash, wanting 
to fully swing to the side to convey the extent of her annoyance, but 
the chairs loaned to them made it too uncomfortable to do so. 


The two, collaborators first and foremost, were working on a project 
involving faster methods of detecting and taking down videos related 
to the Andronika anomaly, as well as locating a possible origin. 
Since the project was expected to last for a minimum of two weeks, 
having now gone on for more, the two were put in a barely furbished 
room in Site-19. 


Ash and Labelle had been noted as being commendable partners 
who were able to work well on projects and get work done in a quick 
and timely fashion. Their shared programming backgrounds made 
them an ideal match as partners. 


The only thing missing from their dynamic was the social aspect. 


"Come on, you're 33!" he exclaimed. "You're not old enough to hit 
your mid-life crisis, but old enough to have a little experience. It's the 
sweet spot of aging. What's not to like about that?" He grinned, as 
though trying to lighten to mood. 


"lam really even less up for this," she snapped back at him. 


"What's wrong with your birthday? You don't feel like you're getting 
that old already, right?" 


"You do remember that Jade and | broke up a couple months ago, 
right?" 


"So...?" Ash looked at her quizzically. Labelle frowned and stopped 
her typing, turning around to face him. 


"Remember how we share the same birthday? | told you to 
celebrate hers afterwards because we both wanted to celebrate our 
birthdays separately. Did you not remember that?" 


"...oh. Right." His voice sounded awkward. "We should probably 
type up the report on this Andronika thing and finish working on 
resources for securing the IPs, right? No way we're going to locate 
this thing's source." 


Labelle made a noise of approval and nodded at her screen as she 
went to open up her word processor. "Another week and we should 
be good. You wanna handle the report? | can tackle the bulk of the 
coding for now. | dunno how good I'd be at speaking with others. 
That's more your thing anyway." 


Ash nodded at his screen. 


10:30 A.M. 
"Hey you, you got a cigarette?" 
".,.another one?" 


"You know | know that you got one on you." Ash sighed and handed 
Labelle another shark-branded cigarette as they stood outside, 
watching a flock fly overhead on the breeze. 


1:00 P.M. 


As soon as Labelle walked into the cafeteria on her lunch break, she 
spotted her corner of friends/acquaintances, surrounding a cake and 
smiling at her. She froze like a deer in headlights, praying that 
everyone would not notice her. 


"Haaaaappy birthdaaaay toooo yooooouuu! Haaaaappy birthdaaaay 
toooo yooooouuu!" 


Of course, everyone had stared. Some even joined along in singing. 


"Happy biiiirthdaaaay deeeaaarrr Rooooossseee... Haaaaappy 
birthdaaaay toooo yooooouuu!" 


"Uh, thank... thank you guys? | uh, | appreciate it." She forced a 
smile and nodded as one of the singers, whose name she could 
never remember, got up and dragged her to the table. 


"Come on, make a wish, Rose!" someone exclaimed. 


"S... Sure." She closed her eyes to think of a wish, ignoring the 
feeling of all eyes on her. After dragging out the wish-thinking for as 
long as she could possibly do so, she settled on something. 


She blew out the candles, wishing for lunch break to be over as 
quick as possible. 


3:45 P.M. 


"| still don't understand how we're supposed to be analyzing when 
these videos pop up if we can't even pinpoint the origin of this," Ash 
questioned, his eyes following Labelle as she took to playing hackey 
sack with her stress ball while they talked. 


"Well, all the videos are consistent in titling, content, and anomalous 
properties." Labelle managed to keep enough of a steady rhythm to 
rarely mess up. 


"So the program looks for new uploads titled 'Ventrilo' or 
‘Soundboard’ or whatever, does an audio scan for any sudden 
bursts of static, and once it does..." He continued to watch, mouth 
agape and body language indicating a half-assed attempt at 
listening. 


"It goes through a process of taking the video down. It happens 
during processing, before the video is even viewable." 


"Well yeah, didn't we already have that kind of technology?" 


"In a sense, but the programs we already have don't do it 
automatically and crawl through processing videos. By the time it's 


detected, the video's been up for long en—" The ball flew and hit 
Ash on the forehead, and he fell back and made a noise of surprise 
and pain. 


"Jesus!" 


"Shit, sorry! Are you OK?" Labelle stood and gawked at Ash's 
forehead from afar. The bruise wasn't too remarkable, though she 
was surprised she was able to kick it hard enough to leave any kind 
of bruise at all. 


"Ugh, yeah. I'm fine. You can keep talking. I'll go see if we have ice 
in the mini-fridge though." Ash got up from the floor and headed 
over to the fridge. 


"No, no, it's fine. There's nothing more to say, really. Shit, I'm sorry." 
When she stopped staring at Ash's forehead, she picked up the 
stress ball and went back to playing with it. "I'm just hoping that if 
God loves us, we'll be off this project in a couple of weeks." Even as 
she spoke, she couldn't help but look over repeatedly at Ash to 
make sure he was alright. She was relieved to see him duck up with 
a bag of ice over his head, and stopped the hacky sack when he 
came back to his seat. 


"That'd be real nice. You're sharing the source code with me before 
we leave, right?" 


"Yeah. Just gonna make some preliminary changes while you get in 
touch with higher-ups and work on disseminating those urban 
legends." Labelle punctuated the statement with a nod and sat 
down, going back to work on programming as Ash took the bag of 
ice off his head every so often to send emails to project heads. 


The atmosphere was quiet, neither speaking to the other, with both 
trying to figure out how to break the silence. After a couple of hours 
of silence, and 15 minutes until the end of their work day, Labelle 
was the first one to speak up, looking over to Ash and being 
cautious with her words. 


"Wanna come over my house and drink to celebrate?" 


"Celebrate what?" 


"My birthday. | can't have a party with one person, and you're here 
anyways." Labelle went back to typing, as Ash looked at her with 
curiosity. She hadn't invited him to anything since her last birthday 
party, but it wouldn't hurt to invite him. He seemed receptive to the 
idea anyway. 


"Sure. You have beer, right?" 


"You know it." 


10:05 P.M. 


The two sat on Rose's floor in front of Ash's laptop dedicated 
exclusively to music, a cooler's worth of cheap (both in price and in 
quality) beer within arm's reach. It certainly got them drunk faster 
than they planned, but with the day off tomorrow, there wasn't any 
real worry. The laptop was currently playing generic, bullshit indie 
folk (that's what Labelle had thought anyway), but it at least filled the 
silence whenever the two couldn't find anything to talk about. 


Fortunately, that rarely was a problem. 


"Coooome oooon Ashy, you remember Mrs. Chandler back in high 
school, right? She was a total bitch!" Labelle smiled as she spoke, 

radiating energy. "I remember her, uh, yelling at you after class one 
time! Something about a fucking, uh... do you remember?" 


"Nah. Think | tried drawing pictures and she saw. Good thing too, 
I'm shit at drawing." 


"Draw me something! Here, let me get you some um, something to 
work with." She got up and carefully walked over to the end of the 
living room, locating paper and pencils to bring back for Ash. When 
she found them, she grabbed it and tried carefully to walk back, 
making sure not to fall or hit any of the beer cans still lying around. 


"Ugh, sorry for that. | took forever | think... Maybe an hour at the 
most." She sat back down and handed Ash the materials, and 
looked at the laptop, frowning. The current song they had played 
barely progressed at all, and she knew her senses were more off 
than she realized. "...oh. | was probably running, wasn't |?" 


"Yeah, certainly Miss Graceful." He let out a laugh that was an 
obvious failed attempt at being stifled, as she scowled. "What do 
you want me to draw?" 


"Hmm..." It took a bit for her to think of something, and to make sure 
she didn't spend forever, she checked the laptop. The song got 
through its chorus in the time she took to think. "A dragon." 


"Okay." 
".,.eating pancakes." 
"...eating pancakes?" 


"Yes," Labelle said with deadpan seriousness. Ash tapped the pencil 
against his chin, the look on his face taking on heavy seriousness. 


"Okay." He then took to drawing a dragon eating pancakes. Labelle 
was enthralled with watching Ash draw. She was surprised that he 
was doing a very good job drawing such a silly thing while drunk. 
For a brief moment, all she could do was stare in amusement. The 
music eventually shifted off from generic indie folk to generic bullshit 
trap. The music didn't bother her, though. She was having fun with 
him outside of work, so what did it matter? 


After a couple albums of music burned through, Ash finished his 
drawing of a dragon eating pancakes and held it up. 


"So, what do you think?" He looked at her with caution. As she 
examined it, a thought popped into her head and a grin formed on 
her face. 


"It needs to be in space." 


"In sp — wow. Goddammit, Belle." He sighed and she giggled while 
he got back to drawing lazy stars and a lazy, light scribble with the 


pencil to signify the blackness of space. 


"And what are you, uh, gonna call your masterpiece?" She pitched 
the question to him, going back to watching him draw. After he 
finished the lazy space background, he initialed his name on an 


empty corner with the title in quotes: 
"scp-billion" 


Labelle smiled. 


1:03 A.M. 
"Okay, okay, but how about this? 


"How does it feeeeeel? 
How does it feel? 

To be on yooourrr ooown? 
With no direction hooome? 
A complete unknoown? 
Like a rooolling stone? 


"Weillll?" 


"Ash, you look like a goddamn dork singing that." 


09/14/2013 


3:00 A.M. 


Labelle moved Ash's body on the couch to make sure he didn't 
sleep on his back. Neither of them could drive back home, nor knew 
anyone who'd be willing to go to their house and watch over them at 
3 AM, so this was the next best option. The only thing remaining 
was the music, which she shut off. The playlist got better, but what 
good was enjoying someone else's library without that person? 


She went to her room to pull out a sleeping bag and pillow, dragging 
it to the living room so she could sleep by him in case of an 
emergency on either of their parts. Though she had fun, the night 
felt a bit hollow. 


With a sigh, she went to find her sleeping pills, undoing the pill bottle 
top and taking enough to fall asleep for the night. After feeling them 
crawl down her throat, she went to lay in the makeshift bag, scooting 
her body in to feel snug. Thoughts idly drifted into her head, until 
they inevitably came back to Jade. She curled in on herself, trying to 
calm down enough to sleep. 


¢ A large humanoid figure about 4.57m (15ft) tall, made up of a 
transparent and highly acidic substance. Has appeared twice, 
both times after interviews with personnel other than Dr. 
Glass. Tends to grapple SCP-781 in its arms until death due 
to major acid burns or suffocation. 


A large floating mass with several tendrils bearing sharp 
needle-like spines, which forcibly drew SCP-781 into it. 
SCP-781 died two hours later from blood loss. Appeared three 
times in the space of a month, but has not been seen since. 


¢ An old woman with rotting flesh, which attacks SCP-781 with 
her teeth and nails. Typically SCP-781 is able to fight back, 
but almost always sustains heavy wounds which require it to 
be euthanized by personnel. Has appeared three times. 


« Aman wearing a surgical mask, who straps SCP-781 to its 
bed and proceeds to slice its abdomen open with a scalpel, 
removing several organs. Has appeared three times, each 
time after an autopsy was performed on SCP-781. 


¢ A statue resembling [DATA EXPUNGED]. Is not observed 
physically harming SCP-781, but seems to cause the subject 
great distress, and often SCP-781 has passed out from 
hyperventilation at the sight of this manifesation. This 
particular manifestation has appeared four times now, starting 
on the day SCP-781 was exposed to [DATA EXPUNGED]. 


Addendum 781-01: See Evaluation Log 781 for extended 
psychological evaluation and testing. 


Addendum 781-02: When introduced to SCP-452's presence, both 
SCP-781 and SCP-452 showed signs of agitation and distress. 
When questioned, SCP-781 merely stated that spiders made him 
uneasy. When SCP-452's web was introduced to SCP-781 for the 
purpose of stopping SCP-781's dreams, testing had no unusual 
results until [DATA EXPUNGED] resulting in twelve (12) personnel 
casualties. Further testing between SCP-781 and SCP-452 are 
discontinued, and SCP-781 should be kept from making physical 
contact with SCP-452's webs at all cost. 


All That | Am 


WARNING: 
This file has alerted Informational Temporal 
Disruption Textual Analysis (ITDTA) programs 
embedded in the network to the presence of 


a potentially anomalous file origin. 


CODE: 


AC-3: MEMETIC HAZARD: TYPE V 


This file was archived and flagged as 
potentially hazardous on July 22nd, 2017. 
If you do not recognize this file, do not proceed 
without the inclusion of one or more 


approved textual analysis scripts. 


retrieving... 


loading original page content... 


...file analyzed. Show hazard filters? 
Y/N 


Your Answer: N 
Accepted. Displaying text... 


If you're in these pages looking for facts and logic, | can 
give you a little of both. 


Remarkably, | can tell you that there was no "first SCP", 
because | wasn't there for it to happen. The first 
anomaly, of course, was long before us, and the 
document format came long after we figured out what we 
were doing anyway; the more | ponder it, the more | 
realize that perhaps it was also several decades before 
there was even a 'we' to begin with. This organization 
wasn't formed out of bureaucracy, but rather out of a 


unanimous agreement among humanity that it simply 
needed to exist. The world wasn't safe without us, and 
thus, the world brought us together and formed us out of 
a need for self-protection. We didn't have a name until 
years later. 


Of course, someone had to lead us. Several admirable 
public figures in industry and government alike stepped 
up during that time period. A few of them are still 
Overseers to this day. In the early years, we entrusted 
the oligarchical nature of the O5 Council with leading us 
in a manner as safe and levelheaded as was possible, 
and for the first several decades it worked. Sites were 
built and reports were made and things were contained 
and people were killed and we got everything into 
working order, seemingly under the balanced and equal 
guidance of twelve — or thirteen, depending on who you 
ask — people.