So lets just say there was an accident which caused me to lose 
several keys off my keyboard. | now have the F3 and Spacebar, it's 
getting a little hard to work with. Do you have any spare keyboards 
lying around? 

- Dr. Wildcard 


Note: 11/09/17 

Hey Rosen. 

So | attempted to hunt down you're office to ask you directly since 
you hadn't responded, | think | found your Office, either way | took a 
new Keyboard from there. So the problem now is that said keyboard 
is trying to kill me. Why is this Keyboard homicidal and how can | 
stop it. 

- Dr. Wildcard 


| don't know how you got rid of that but you can have it. 
~Rosen 


Note: 11/10/17 

Rosen, 

I'm having a bit of trouble with my PC. Every time | try to navigate to 
a SCP page in Series V, it comes up as non-existent. Can you figure 
this out for me? 

-Dr. Krayen 


If you're asking from the not too distant future, | can't 
help you. 


~Rosen 


Note: 5/8/17 

Ey Rosen, 

How is it that | computer? Keys are very AAAH scary, look like teeth, 
nd mous trie 2 eat me. Pls help ;-; 

- junier resercher jon, does not computor 


You know where you work, right? 
~Rosen 


Note: 16/11/17 

Hey, can someone ban Dr Bright from using EMPs and just not let 
him near my terminal. Period. 

Dr. Gregory 


Occupational hazard, most of the important equipment 
over in 19's hardened against that sort of shenanigans. If 
your computer wasn't protected... maybe check the 
notes in your last performance review? 


~Rosen 


Note: 11/16/17 

Say Rosen, | got that keyboard tied down, now its threatening me 
and my family through my computer. What can | do here. 

- Dr. Wildcard 


Sounds like a personal problem. 
~Rosen 


Note: 08/18/2017 

Rosen, 

| have recently created a Tumblr account. My computer is very slow, 
and | asked for help on Tumblr. Someone told me to delete 
something called 'system 32’. So | did, and | think my computer has 
run out of batteries. But when | try to charge it, it doesn't charge. 
Why? | need to do Tumbir! 

- Doctor Hillary Johnson 


You're fired. 
~Rosen 


Note: 02/12/17 

Hiya Rosen, 

So, someone though it'd be a good idea to write SCP-033 into one 
of my maths papers, and now... 

Anyway, how would one recover several months of gruelling 
calculations and proofs? 

-Dr. Krayen 


That's what we pay you for bub. 
~Rosen 


Note: 07/12/17 

Erm, a file has appeared on my PC labeled 
"operation_fail_safe_tanga_34.pdf" and | don't know what it is at all. 
Is this the part where | go get amnestics, or what. 

-Junior Researcher Kevin 


Note: 12/14/17 

Okay Siri, How to make my employers think I'm not a spy for the 
UN. 

- Dr. E. Alameida 


Note: 12/14/17 

| tried logging on to the database, now | have a pop-up asking me to 
pay $10.00 to use the Internet. Wat do. 

-Agent Gummy Dragon 


Note: 12/19/17 

So | was messing around with some EMPs, trying to combine them 
with bombs for quick dispatch of electronic anomalies that need to 
be destroyed. | decided to add some code to it, and it somehow 
turned into a hivemind. Could | have a new computer? | had to 
destroy mine to save it... totally not with a rocket launcher. And don't 
worry, | took care of the hivemind, once again, TOTALLY not with a 
rocket launcher. 

-Weapons Researcher Person 


in normally dull objects. A Class D personnel with a history of drug 
use reported a similar experience to the use of some hallucinogens, 
though much more consistent and vivid. So far the only adverse 
effects observed have been headaches and eyestrain after looking 
at particularly colorful images and objects. 


SCP-558-4 includes ten (10) gray contact lenses. Subjects wearing 
lenses from group Four (4) report being able to see only in 
grayscale. However, it was quickly noticed that somehow, subjects’ 
field of vision had been expanded. While normal humans have 140° 
field of binocular vision with 40° peripheral vision (20° each on the 
right and left), testing indicated subjects’ binocular vision covered 
210°, while their peripheral vision covered an additional 60° (30° 
each on the right and left). Test subjects experienced severe vertigo 
when moving for approximately the first thirty (80) minutes of 
wearing SCP-558-4. After adjusting, subjects were able to move 
around without difficulty and were pleased by the greater visibility, 
though most complained of headaches. Subjects also reported that 
their distance vision seemed sharper, even those subjects who had 
possessed 20/20 vision naturally. When Professor 

theorized their increased field of vision is due in some way to a 
"bending" of perspective, researchers asked test subjects to attempt 
to focus on an open doorway. Approximately one (1) in three (3) 
subjects was able to "bend" their vision around a corner and see a 
brief glimpse into the hallway. All subjects attempting this, even 
those who failed, experienced mild to severe migraines immediately 
afterward. Further testing to understand and to take advantage of 
SCP-558-4 is ongoing. 


SCP-558-5 includes six (6) black contact lenses. Currently, only 
Class D personnel should be allowed to test SCP-558-5. When 
testing these lenses, approximately three (3) in five (5) subjects 
immediately lost consciousness. Those remaining conscious 
immediately shut their eyes and began to shake violently, 
demanding the contacts be removed. Several subjects harmed 
themselves and the lenses trying to remove them, resulting in the 
loss of four (4) lenses and a number of Class D personnel. When 
subjects were restrained and forced to open their eyes, all 
immediately degenerated into sobbing and incoherent babbling. 
Most subjects black out shortly after this point. To date two subjects 


Note: 12/26/17 

HELLO FELLOW HUMAN BEING. | TOO AM A HUMAN HAVING A 
PROBLEM WITH A COMPUTING DEVICE. | CANNOT ACCESS 
ANY SCP FILES FOR BEING AN "UNAUTHORIZED ENTITY". AS 
A FELLOW SCP FOUNDATION HUMAN, THIS IS AN ERROR AND 
| WISH TO ACCESS IT. THANK YOU FELLOW HUMAN, | HOPE 
YOU ENJOY YOUR HUMAN ACTIVITIES, LIKE BREATHING AND 
DIGESTION, JUST LIKE | DO. 

-Dr. NotARobot Bob 


Note: 1/2/17 

Eyo Rosy-Rose! So | may or may not have tried to make my sPod 
sentient and it may or may not have exploded. In my face. It also 
may or may not have made my computer have a personality that 
believes itself to be a god and won't do anything except look up 
articles on how to eat cookies. Of course, this may or may not have 
happened, you kn— |, THE COOKIE GOD, WILL BEGIN MY REIGN 
OF TERROR AMONGST THE LAND! NOW, FRAIL PEASANT 
UNDER THE MONIKER ROSEN. GIVE ME LEGS... OR... | WILL 
STEAL ALL OF THE COOKIES. 

THE COOKIE GOD 

Oh for Din’s sake it did it again HALP 

-Researcher Andrews 


Note:1/8/18 

| know, it's a bit late to be complaining about this issue, since it 
started 18 years ago, but my computer when the year 2000 rolled 
around, instead of counting up to 2000 went to 0, please help. 
-Researcher Madeline 


Note: 1/22/18 
Are you still alive? 
-A concerned individual 


Note: 1/23/18 

Soooo, for some reason when | was updating my character file, the 
database immediately moved the contents of the page into 
SCP-048's slot, and it marked it as an "approved change" as well. | 
don't have enough clearance to view 048, so could you find out what 
the problem is? Thanks. 

-Junior Researcher Jeremy 


Note: 2/15/18 

THIS IS AN AUTOMATED MESSAGE DR GREGORY HAS BEEN 
TRAPPED INSIDE A HARD DRIVE IN HIS OFFICE AT SITE-19. 
REQUESTING IMMEDIATE ASSISTANCE. 

-COMPUTER-33748 


Note: 02/22/18 

What the fuck? The whole Site 17 server is just gone. Like the 
server room doesn‘ exist anymore. Rosen, WHAT THE FUCK DO! 
DO? 

-Everyone at Site 17 


Note:02/22/18 
| ate the server. How to cure digital diabeties? 
-[Data Corrupeted] 


Note:02/28/18 

So... Rosen? Some idiot decided to jam a crystal into one of the 
routers to “heal the unnatural WiFi” and “keep the GM Internet out” 
and... it just destroyed the servers. I’m using my phone as a 
hotspot, but it’s not gonna work for long. 

-Security Guard Jams 


Note:02/28/18 

Hey man, | tried to heal the WiFi because it was slow, and so | tried 
a crystal. It didn’t work, man. Work your techno magic and fix the 
thing, man 

-Junior Researcher Sanin 


Note:02/28/18 

Ignore the blood at Sanin’s desk, please. | had to knock him out and 
demote him to D-Class. Is that even allowed? Eh, whatever. | did the 
gene pool a favor. 

-Security Guard Jams 


Note:04/02/18 
Hi Roget, Dr. Fossil here. 


My son's really into computing and he's great at keeping secrets, so 
| think he'd do great at the Foundation. To help establish him, could 
you take him in for work experience? It'd mean so much to me, and 


he isn't any bother. He can look after himself, so he'd really just be a 
bit of help around the requests. Please? If you can help him 
ultimately get a job, | promise I'll handle all the requests for my site 
for as long as he's employed. 


Please? 
-Dr. Fossil 


Note:04/03/18 
hi, i'm D- 


half of the people i know disappeared on april fools, any idea what's 
happening? 


help!! 
-D- 


Note:04/03/18 

Just checking up to see what the hold up is. As your job in the IT 
Department is to help with computers | would advise you do as your 
job intends, or at least give some sort of feedback. 


Also my internet is slow send help. 
-Very worried human resources worker 


Note: 04/26/18 

Oi! You've been lettin’ everythin’ pile up on tha damned page! Ah 
know you're here, you've been stealin' crisps from tha vendin' 
machine! 


Also my computer decided it wanted ta type my accent. Ah like it 
though, so don't fix it. | mean don't fix it. My autocorrect wants ta kill 
me, too. It's taking control of my comp— MESSAGE DELETED, 
SENDING WHAT REMAINS. 

-Dr. Flagras 


Note: 04/26/18 

Hey man, | escaped the D-Class termination and got my job back. 
But our WIFI is still down and I'm on a hotspot. | tried more crystals. 
It doesn't work, man. The GMO WiFi will kill us all! 

-Junior Researcher Sanin 


Note: 04/26/18 

Dammit he's back and stealing my hotspot. Just get our WiFi back 
online! We've had 3 security breaches already because of the lack 
of information! 

-Security Guard Anna Jams 


Note: 04_27_ 18 

Today | received a new computer, and when | booted it up, it said: 
"Ladybug Baby Funtime Browser". While | get the joke, it's not the 
standard Foundation OS, and | fear that an information breach may 
occur, A.K.A whoever the fuck put this on my computer will be 
missed after | deal with the fucking MTF strolling into my room. 
Could | get a replacement computer, please? 

- Dr. Fogel 


Note: 5/16/18 

Hey, Rosen old buddy old pal old friend! My uhh, computer's a 
little messed up, and | was wondering if you could get me a new 
one? | know the paperwork takes a long time, but the last time | 
plugged my PC in it started screeching and attempted to cut off my 
fingers. | think one of the other Site-33 researchers might have done 
it. 


A new pc would be much appreciated, thanks in advance. 
-Dr Lennox 


EDIT: Please disregard this request, turns out the computer was 
sentient, and was just angry that | was “typing too hard” | think | 
have befriended OScar now. 


Thank you for not doing anything. 
Regards, 
-Dr Lennox 


Note: 5/16/ 18 

Rosen, | might have made a swarm of nanobots to eat Sanin and his 
stupid crystals waste materials and convert them into useful 
materials for testing, but now an entire floor of the site is gone and | 


lost connection to the swarm. If the O5 ask, it was Pat. 
Dr. Notchwood 


Note:6/10/18 

Rosen, are you dead? Regardless of your status of life, someone 
swapped out my precious IBM model M with an apple keyboard. Am 
| within my boundaries to bash the face of the culprit in with a non- 
anomalous typewriter? 


Junior Researcher O'Shaughnessey 


EDIT: At 1834 Hours EST, 6/11/18, Junior Researcher 
O'Shaughnessey found Senior Researcher using his Model M 
keyboard. O'Shaughnessey picked up a Royal Model P typewriter 
from his desk and threw it at . The typewriter was an as-of-yet 
unidentified anomalous object, as it exploded upon contact with 
Senior Researcher , killing him and O'Shaughnessey, along 
with 5 other Site- employees. 15 others were injured. Cleanup 
efforts are underway and letters of condolence have been sent to 
the families of the deceased. 

-Agent , MTF A-9 "Off-Brand OSHA" 


Note: / / 

Hey, it seems that some shithead newbie added a random thing of 
no value whatsoever to this page. | hope it won't be a problem. 

- Some Shithead Newbie 


Cliches And You: An Educational Film 


(no, not really, just an unofficial guide.) 


The Cliché List has always bugged me a bit, because | think many 
readers misinterpret what it is for. 


The Cliché List is not: 


¢ A list of ideas you should never write up 
¢ A list of ideas you should automatically downvote on sight 
¢ A list of ideas that absolutely can’t be written well 


So what is the Cliché List? Generally, it’s a list of ideas that are 
harder than most to write up well, especially for inexperienced SCP 
writers. There are many reasons ideas can fall into this category, 
and I’ve tried to explain them below. When you read this, remember 
that the list is advice not rules, and there are exceptions. Bad ideas 
can be made to work with exceptional writing. It seldom happens, 
mostly because 99% of the people writing up bad ideas don't realize 
their idea is bad, and are therefore unlikely to be the one to write it 
well enough to succeed. 


Here is the Cliché List, rearranged by category, with commentary: 
The Thing You Should Actually Never Write 


5. Things what you saw on TV/ in a movie/ in an anime/ read about 
in a book / heard in a song. 


Plagiarism, whether from another SCP or an off-site source, will get 
your SCP instantly deleted, and may get you banned from the site. 
This is the one thing on the list that you actually should never do. 


It should be obvious that if you discover something close to your 
idea has already been written as an SCP, you should change that 
idea significantly. 


Taking something from another medium and “SCPifying” it without 
adding a major twist never goes over well (not even as a —J). 
Therefore: Don’t write up your favorite Lovecraft critter, or D & D 
monster or magic item as an SCP. No Slenderman. No Pokémon. 
You get the idea... 


Things That Don’t Fit the Tone of the Site 


1. Things What Let You Fight Good, Guyz What fight good, heck, 
anything involved with Fightan Good. 


We don’t generally write up "people with cool powers that you would 
like to have" or objects that are too useful. Tacking on a 
disadvantage doesn't help. Read So You Want to Write a 
Humanoid SCP Ob;ject for more details. 


2. Reality Bending pplz what can make the world change with their 
mindz. 


12. Things what are ancient and evil, so vast that humankind cannot 
comprehend it, yada yada yada you can only have so many. 


Read Eldritch Application for more insight into why these 
overpowered SCPs don't usually work well. We also have SCP-343, 
who is only contained because he chooses to stay. We don’t need 
another one of him. 


Uncontainable SCPs can work... sometimes. You'll see a few where 
the procedure amounts to "track it, and suppress info." Also, 
"uncontainable" is not the same as "uncontained.” Uncontained is 
fine, as long as the Foundation is working on it in some reasonable 
way. Remember the Foundation really wants to contain SCPs, and 
has near unlimited resources, so don't be lazy in thinking up 
something for it to do. 


3. Things what we should do what they say becuz we wouldn't like 
them when they're angry. 


9. Things what are really pretty pplz whom everyone lieks. 


The Foundation contains and experiments on abnormal things/ 
people; it doesn't cater to their whims. If your containment