"...down the drain... could be lying...? years... damn it... my only 
option... dark" 


He moodily stomped outside. Ashley returned her attention to 
breakfast. Normally, dryads didn't need to eat more than two or 
three times a moon. They did so for pleasure, normally, but she felt 
odd. It felt like she hadn't eaten in years. She obviously needed 
more sustenance than her tiny seedling could supply her. 


It made sense- it had taken her decades of growth in her tree to be 
able to manifest a humanoid form. Hopefully she would be able to 
sustain herself by eating and whatever her seedling could supply. 
And, she reflected disgustedly, hopefully other food would actually 
have flavour. 


nN 


They stayed the night in a motel. It was clearly Ashley's first 
experience with a bed. She lay, face down, sideways across it. She 
was still clutching the stick in one hand and the seedling in the other. 


Bryan himself couldn't help but pace, nerves overwhelming what 
little self control he had left. He had been warned away from these 
people so many times by his mentors in the Serpent's Hand. They 
had no morals or ethics, caring only for the power and money they 
could accrue. His mentors had told him how to avoid them. He'd 
used that information to contact one of their agents. 


It was against everything the Serpent's Hand stood for and he would 
need to run after this. He would definitely have the resources if he 
could pull this off. It would be worth it. 


Because he had realized something. 
She couldn't empower him because she was alone. 


And he knew the people at Marshall, Carter, and Dark would pay 
well for the last of a kind. 


End of Part 2 


« Ash and Maple ~ Part 1 | Ash and Maple ~ Part 2 | 


Ask Doctor Mann 


Welcome to Ask Doctor Mann, where | will be answering any 
questions that you, the reading public, have for me. If you have 
questions you'd like answered, please submit them via the 
discussion page. 


"Dear Doctor Mann, what's it like working for the Foundation?" 
—Eager in Site 19 


I'm so glad you asked! Working for the Foundation is full of 
exciting challenges and fascinating puzzles. You will 
travel to exotic locales and work with some of the most 
intelligent, experienced researchers in the world. Get 
ready fora professional working environment where you'll 
be given responsibility and fast promotion 
opportunities. 


Take advantage of this opportunity now, before we're forced to 
erase your memory or kill you. 


“Papa Mann, my next door neighbor has a creepy boyfriend 
that comes over fairly often, and the combination of stupidity 
and nausea he radiates is destroying my will to live and 
bothering the cat. Any ideas?" —Creeped Out in Calamazoo 


Have you considered that this poor fellow might have a problem? 
Many people seem disturbing, but quite often there's nothing wrong 
with them that drug-enhanced electro-shock conditioning can't cure. 
In rare cases, direct neurosurgical intervention may be necessary. 
Consult your neurologist before making any incisions. 


"Where am I?" —Concerned in Laboratory 14 
Strapped to a table in my laboratory. 


"Who are you?" —Still Concerned in Laboratory 14 


Doctor Everett Mann, surgeon and researcher. 


“What are you doing here?" —Very Concerned, Actually, in 
Laboratory 14 


Operating on you. 


"What's this syringe doing in my foot?" —Growing More 
Concerned by the Minute in Laboratory 14 


Sedating you in three, two, one... 
"Where do babies come from?" —Naive in New York 


Well, you see, Naive, when a mommy and daddy love each other 
very much, they're kidnapped by black helicopters and transported 
to Site 84, where they're rendered down into their contituent tissues. 
Their reproductive organs are harvested and used to create a 
zygote inside of a test-tube. It's grown in a vat of nutrients until it's 
ready (four to nine months, depending on the necessity of organ 
integrity), at which point it's used for whatever experiment requires 
babies. 


"Is dropping me into a general processing pit via a previously 
hidden trap door in the floor upon demotion to D-class really 
necessary?" —Falling Fast in Site 23 


No, but really, who doesn't enjoy a good laugh now and then? 
"Is there porn here?" —Licentious in Laboratory 14 
Do anatomical diagrams count? 


"How long does it take to make the perfect al dente pasta?" — 
Hungry in the Site 23 Kitchen 


Anywhere from around 13.6 to 13.9 billion years (for the purpose of 
inventing the universe), plus 7-10 minutes depending on the 
amount. 


"Dr. Mann, why won't the Foundation let me use my own 
personal firearm?" —Second Amended in Site 23 


Because nerf munitions are insufficient against all known enemy 
groups except the Revolutionary Guard. 


"Dear Dr. Mann, since my arrival at Site-023 I've learned that 
you are Director of Human Resources and a respected member 
of Site-023. How would you suggest | go about encouraging 
cooperation among our peers? They've been terribly belligerent 
despite my best efforts."-Distressed About D-Class 


Dear Distressed, | find that it helps to remove the part of their brain 
that allows them to be uncooperative. 


“Dear Dr. Mann, what should | do about this ukelele in my living 
quarters? I'm certain that it belongs to somebody else, but it's 
certainly a very nice instrument." —Curious in Cell 23. 


Curious, have you ever considered suicide? It may be helpful in your 
situation. 


“Dear Dr. Mann, shouldn't you be working on project Beta 12 
right now?" —Pondering Pressing The Button, Three Floors Up 


| am working on Project Beta 12. That's why the potatoes in the 
cafeteria taste different now. 


“Dear Dr. Mann, what are your views on the sovereign debt 
crisis in the European Union? Please be concise." — 
Foundation News at Eleven 


| blame the decline of proper, well-maintained facial hair in the 
general public. It leads to degeneracy and general lack of moral 
fiber. 


"Dear Dr. Mann, what is your view on the so-called 'Serpent's 
Hand’? Do serpents really have hands? How does that even 
make sense?" —Susurrus from Site Sixty 


These long-haired recalcitrants oppose the natural order of 
progress. They believe themselves enlightened but are unwilling to 
make the sacrifices necessary for mankind to take its next step into 
the cosmos. Their bleeding-heart philosophy combined with their 
guerrilla tactics make them dangerous. As to the handiness of 


serpents, | maintain that while it is a well-known feature of the 
suborder Serpentes, it is by no means an essential one. A point my 
snake-men will make at the next Herpetology Super Expo. This 
year, the blue ribbon shall be mine! 


"Dear Dr. Mann, what's up with teenagers these days? Why are 
they so wierd?" —Curmudgeonly in California 


There are a number of theories, but perhaps the most likely is 
malevolent control by the Chaos Insurgency. Knowing full well that 
the battle of the future will take place in the hearts and minds of our 
youth, they've prepared the battlefield by sprinkling their nihilistic 
propaganda into the media. This has twisted their minds, turning 
them from once-happy children into something dark and 
unrecognizable. 


Well, it's that or their dratted rock-and-roll music that they seem to 
fancy. One or the other. 


"Dear Dr. Mann, could we potentially use the labyrinth to store 
Euclid but immobile SCP's?" —Amazed in Anchorage 


The proposal was briefly considered, but ultimately cut because of 
twine shortfalls in the budget. 


“Dear Dr. Mann, what does 173 look like on camera? —D-Class 
tasked with cleaning 173's pen 


About ten pounds heavier. 


"Dear Dr. Mann, my name is Abayomiolorunkoje, and |am a 
prince in my home country of Nigeria. | need to get ten million 
dollars to the US, but my bank accounts do not allow it. If you 
you let me store it in your account by giving me full access, | 
will give you twenty percent. Would you do this for me?” — 
278hd3q81n5zd at hotmail.com 


A prince of a republic? What a fascinating accomplishment. | am of 
course very interested in helping you. However, | feel it would be 
best to do business face-to-face. Fortunately, | will be traveling to 
Nigeria in a month on business. I've a few questions first, however. 


On a scale of one-to-ten, how healthy are your organs? And do you 
have any friends with particularly healthy or otherwise interesting 
organs? If so, please feel free to bring them along to the meeting. 
Thirdly, do you have any unusual reaction to chloroform? Please 
respond soon. | look forward to discussing business with you. 


“Dear Dr. Mann, I've recently discovered that | have a third 
kidney. It's fully functional, and my doctor tells me that | don't 
really need it. | was wondering if | could donate it to you, and in 
addition, get a day pass? Thanks." —Agent , Site 14 


Naturally! And | hope your colleagues remember your example the 
next time they request time off. 


“Dear Dr. Mann, What is the difference between a duck?" —Pair 
of Docs at Site 19 


That depends. Are we talking about, say, a rosy-billed pochard, or a 
baikal teal? 


"Dear Dr. Mann, An SCP is offering me magical powers if | 
release it. What should | do?" —Gullible at Site 19 


Please report to Medical Station 13 for a new brain. The one you're 
using it clearly defective. 


“Dear Dr. Mann, | am glad to report that despite breaching 
containment no less than twelve times over the past week, 
SCP- has been temporarily incapacitated and moved to 
Storage Site 49. However, during the last containment breach | 
and a number of my staff suffered minor to severe injuries as a 
result of SCP- 's area of effect, including [DATA EXPUNGED] 
nitrogen narcosis. What first-aid methods do you 
recommend?" —Rapidly Bleeding Out at Site 49 


Immediately lower the temperature down past freezing. With luck, at 
least some of your more useful organs can be salvaged. 


"Dear Dr. Mann, What can I do to be more like you?" —Jealous 
in Jersey 


A noble and worthy goal, Jealous! The first thing is to obtain a 


medical degree. The second, and this cannot be stressed enough, is 
to find a good, reliable mustache wax. Now, dabblers will use pre- 
made mustache waxes like Mr Natty Twizzle Moustache Wax, but | 
find that the best result is to learn to create your own mix, so that 
you can fine-tune it to your own hirsutorial needs. You'll need to find 
a supply of bees wax, gum arabic, oil soap, and human stem cells. 
Add in any essential oils for scent purposes. 


"Dear Dr. Mann, Is craving for human flesh normal? | mean, 
ever since that D-Class jerk bit me, all I've done is to crave for 
it." —Dr. Brians at Site-19 Cafeteria. 


While not strictly normal, the Foundation is accomodating to a wide 
variety of dietary needs. However, it seems as though your 
cannibalism may have a medical basis. Therefore | recommend a 
treatment of 1 CC of lead applied directly through the forehead. 


“Dear Dr. Mann, The other lunch room girls at Area-14 tell me 
that Mr Fernand is a great kisser. Do you think it would be 
alright for me to accept his offer of a dinner date?" —Shy 
Ronery Lass 


| would recommend that you find other plans for your evening. While 
dinners with Fernand are indeed lively and "happening," they 
inevitably end up as dinner-for-one affairs. 


"Dear Dr. Mann, In your professional opinion, if we released all 
sentient Euclid and Keter SCPs into a pocket dimension and let 
them fight to the death, who do you think would come out on 
top, assuming 682 lost?" —Needs to Settle a Bet at Site-19 
Break Room 


Dear Need, the obvious answer is SCP-1013-J. Think about it. 


"Dear Dr. Mann, Is it OK to use D-class personnel to fill in 
paperwork, provided I| terminate them before they can leak the 
information? That short snotty guy from Ethics Commitee 
keeps bugging me about it, and I'm in need of some serious 
arguments." —Busy from Bio-Containment Unit-21. 


Let me make sure | understand your plan correctly. You intend to 


events, where massive amounts of water will pour from SCP-791. 
SCP-791 retains its properties during these events, and “Draining” 
can last between several hours to four months. 


Items will sometimes exit SCP-791. It is unknown where these items 
originate from, though most appear to be “oceanic” in origin. Items 
resembling seaweed, fish, ; , plankton, [DATA EXPUNGED] 
note possible awareness. 


The -like entities have occurred multiple times, and have 
[DATA EXPUNGED] unknown. Communication via and similar 
alternate realities observed via SCP-2684, SCP-3374 or indirectly 
through SCP-257. 


« SCP-790 | SCP-791 | SCP-792 » 


have Class D personnel fill out your paperwork. These are, by and 
large, condemned criminals. They are largely from the lower rungs 
of society, with poor educations and often broken literacy. They tend 
towards sociopathy. They tend to hate those who hold them here. 
And you will trust them with your paperwork, which not only contains 
information that they might use to attempt escape or sabotage, but 
has to be filled out correctly and completely to Foundation 
standards, or else will reflect poorly in your performance reviews. 


Well. Good luck with that. 


"Dear Dr. Mann, | bet 682 would be jealous of your 'stach. You 
should challenge it to a good round of fisticuffs." —Curious in 
Site 19 


Sadly, 682 refuses to abide by Queensbury rules. 


"Dear Dr. Mann, Which employee of Site 17 would win a dance- 
off?" —Bored in the Break Room 


Dear Bored, the current champion is Agent Yoric. However, once 
I've completed work on my electronic trousers of cybernetic funk, it 
shall be | who will be crowned the true lord of the dance! 


"Dear Dr. Mann, HAVE MY BABIES!" —Bromance in Bermuda 
Dear Bromance, WHAT HAVE YOU HEARD? 


Er, ahem. That is to say I'm quite flattered, but | have to politely 
refuse your offer at this time. Good day. 


"Dear Dr. Mann, Help." —Locked in an empty cell at site-19 


Dear Locked, we are helping you. That's why we have you 
restrained, and have removed most of the parasites. 


"Dear Dr. Mann, | have been working for the Foundation for six 
years now. In that time | have received precisely one cost-of- 
living increase, four years ago, that even at the time was not 
commensurate with the actual cost of living. Who should | talk 
to to amend this situation, and if talking doesn't prove effective, 
do you recommend blunt trauma or shallow incisions?" — 


Below the Poverty Line in Site-19 


Dear Below, if the cost of your living is too expensive, please come 
see me so we can discuss alternatives. 


“Dear Dr. Mann, | was born a human but | want to be a robot, do 
you know who | have to ask to get this done and if | do it can | 
give you my organs afterwards?" —Metal Curious from 
Sector-28 


Dear Metal, I'm afraid your insurance won't cover full-body 
cybernetic replacement. The best we can offer is to transplant your 
brain into this blender's control unit. | realize this is something of a 
step down from your current goal, but you'll have six settings and 
stainless steel, dishwasher safe blades. 


"Is it possible to chain breed SCP-504's joke-hating qualities 
into other vegetables? Like, say, peppers?" —Vegetariable in 
Vegas 


You're not the first to attempt this project, though so far Foundation 
horticulturalists have little to show for it, aside from a few potatoes 
that quiver at the sound of knock-knock jokes. 


"Dr. Mann, how much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a 
wood chuck could chuck wood?" —Chuck from Site 23