allowed, upon 
request, to keep 
the document 
from this test. 
This was the first 
time that 
SCP-3715 had 
reacted 
negatively to any 
stimulus. Site 
staff had been 
using many 
types of tea for 
several weeks 
before this 
event. Staff are 
discouraged 
from giving 
SCP-3715 
licorice tea in the 
future. 
Researcher Tan 
had recently 
completed 
several blocks of 
code fora 
device designed 
to more 
efficiently 
contain SCP- 
Upon inspection, 
it was revealed 
that the code 
held several 
typos that could 
have kickstarted 
a series of 
containment 
failures. The 
errors were 


corrected. 


Discussion 
regarding 
SCP-3715's 
ability to find 
errors in 
Foundation 
documents is 
ongoing. 
Loose jasmine} Generic teapot This is very goodThe tea was 
tea leaves from tea! Thank you! shared amongst 
a nearby Next time researchers. 
specialty store though, try 
giving it to 
someone who 
needs it more 
than | do :) 
Imported Pu-erh Generic teapot 7??? [sic] Lab 4 was found 
cake (Retail to have been 
price of roughly deep cleaned 
$40 USD) overnight. A note 


was found on 
the lab bench 
reading 'l 
wouldn't feel 
right otherwise.’ 


Addendum 3715-A: SCP-3715 was discovered in 2014, when 
reports of a ‘tea ghost' made their way to Foundation agents in 
Alberta. Notably, the classroom was last inhabited by Bellview City 
teacher Betty Miles, who had attained mild popularity within the 
school due to her optimism and willingness to assist students. Miles 
had suffered a fatal heart attack in 2013 while in class. Anomalous 
reports began surfacing shortly after. 


Footnotes 

1. Bellview City High School has since been converted into 
Research Site-95. 

2. Suitable container defined as any clean wares intended to store 
liquid for human consumption 


SCP-3716: Boned Beyond Belief 


Item #: SCP-3716 
Object Class: Euclid 


Special Containment Procedures: Instances of SCP-3716 are 
currently stored in Safe-class Containment Locker 128-B in Site-42. 
Access is only permitted to individuals with Level 3/3716 or above 
clearance. Due to the large quantity of SCP-3716-A instances 
currently extant, no further testing is deemed necessary. 


All 62 SCP-3716-A instances are currently housed in Historical 
Site-229 ("Caldey Island Abbey"), as per Protocol 3716-002. The 
Cistercian monastery originally present on the island was largely 
abandoned in the late 1700s: a disinformation campaign is currently 
being employed to counter this, and maintain the public opinion that 
no such abandonment ever occurred. The eldest instance and de- 
facto leader of the group (SCP-3716-A-1) has agreed to maintain 
the secrecy of their order in exchange for the ownership of the land, 
which instances use primarily as a space of contemplation and 
meditation. A small security team of no more than six eighteen 
members is to be permanently stationed on the island, as well as a 
standard low-risk anomaly research team. 


To maintain cooperation, a monthly excursion has been agreed 
upon, during which SCP-3716-A instances will be allowed to visit the 
mainland and interact with the civilian population (0.08% of whom 
are embedded Foundation agents). Amnestic distribution should be 
employed following this, and a high rotation of resident civilians 
should be encouraged to prevent a resurgence of suppressed 
memories. MTF-Phi-Eolh ("Bag & Taggers") are tasked with 
apprehending and processing any civilians with knowledge of 
SCP-3716, SCP-3716-A, or the nature of the excursions. 


As a breach of SCP-3716-A could easily escalate into a Broken 
Masquerade scenario, maintaining high morale among instances is 


desirable — accordingly, any dissent or dissatisfaction is to be 
treated as a High Priority issue. 


Description: SCP-3716 is the designation for around 3000 metal 
zippers! that, when placed on the navel and rolled upwards to the 
neck, enable the user to extricate themselves from their entire 
integumentary system and most of their muscular system (with the 
exception of ligaments and joints) without blood loss, in a manner 
similar to removing an anorak and pants. Although their visceral 
organs, skeletal system, and other organ systems are wholly 
exposed, affected individuals (hereby termed SCP-3716-A) 
experience no adverse side effects. 


SCP-3716-A will repeatedly and persistently attempt to persuade 
others to use SCP-3716, but are pacifistic and do not make violent 
attempts at coercion. Persuasion attempts most commonly take the 
form of brochures, door-to-door salesmanship, timeshare sales 
pitches, and other such media?. 


All instances of SCP-3716-A have certain benefits compared to 
baseline humans, such as the ability to take on the appearance of 
another instance by wearing their skin, (even when their anatomies 
are incompatible), and extremely enhanced longevity. They 
subscribe to a monastic doctrine termed "Orthodox Osteonism", 
which contains elements of various philosophies and religions 
(including various branches of Christianity, agnosticism, Theravada 
Buddhism, and democratic socialism), along with elements 
borrowed from classical and modern literature. Although no two 
instances have expressed the exact same views, common themes 
involve the ideas that violence is sinful in any form, that the 
requirement of a nervous system in higher lifeforms is a myth, that 
all living things are part of the same "Metaphysical Skeleton", and 
that all invertebrate organisms are "worthy of our love and 
compassion, but ultimately irredeemable". Reverence for elder 
SCP-3716-A instances, particularly SCP-3716-A-1 (the oldest living 
instance at time of writing) is common, though not an element of 
official doctrine. 


If an instance of SCP-3716-A is unable to convert a new instance to 
the doctrine within a certain amount of time (usually a period of 
years), said instance's non-osseous tissue will start rapidly 


decomposing. The majority of their anomalous abilities are lost 
during this process, although basic life functions and all cognitive 
functions remain unchanged. Instances claim that successful 
conversions will nullify and reverse the degradation — it is for this 
reason that instances express desire to interact with the civilian 
population on a semi-regular basis. Amnesticisation of converted 
subjects has no effect on SCP-3716-A instances, as it seems to be 
the act of conversion, rather than the continued devotion to the faith, 
that halts the decay process. 


Addendum: Update Regarding "Orthodox Osteonism”": While 
initially manifesting as a loose collection of principles and ideals, the 
school of thought has apparently begun solidifying with the use of 
around fifty SCP-3716. Increased definition of what constitutes 
‘moral’ activity has been observed, and elements of false cultural 
history being accepted as truth by SCP-3716-A instances. Various 
rites and ceremonies seem to be in the process of development, as 
do certain holy sigils, signs, and other iconography, the majority of 
which are related to escaping the "trappings of the physical world", 
and achieving enlightenment or transcendence through the 
shedding of restrictions and unnecessary bindings. 


Protocol 3716-002 has been enacted, and Containment Procedures 
have been updated to reflect this. 


Observation log - Historical Site-229: The following documents 
are extracts from the research journals of Dr. John Weldon, 
compiled during their station at HS-229. They are included here due 
to their relevance both to SCP-3716 and Incident 3716-S. 


Date: 23/09/2017 


The monks have arrived, and seem happy. They feel 
right at home in the monastery, according to the liaisons, 
and are looking forward to settling in. The main Chapel 
(dubbed "The Cranium" — seems they have a sense of 
humour, at least) has proven adequate for holding 
worships, while the gardens and fields let them grow 
produce to sell on the mainland during their excursions. 
They have little care for the profits, however, donating 
most of it to charitable causes. Nice of them, all things 


considered. 
Date: 16/11/2017 


We have songs! Or rather, they have songs. Catchy, too, 
with a vaguely 'pop' vibe that's enjoyable to sing along 
with. It seems Cartiligism (or whatever they're calling it 
now) is growing into its own fully-fledged belief system; 
it's probably not a good idea to have it on record as an 
official movement, but worth noting nonetheless. 


Nothing else interesting to report: a few basic images 
mimicking rib-cages and a festival on the winter solstice 
are all that have developed in the past few months. 


Song-wise, my personal favourite is "Dead Men 
Walking". I've been humming it for days. 


Date: 03/01/2018 


Last week the Khambo lama‘, Ischium, commissioned 
the production of a “holy spirit" for use in communion. 
We had been supplying them with a weak solution 
commonly used in Christian practises but this was 
deemed, and | quote, "ineffective and rather ghastly". 


The brewer's first sample came in today. The acolytes 
are Calling it ‘Marrow’. It's an acquired taste, to be sure 
— around 30% Formaldehyde, according to preliminary 
analysis. 


Date: 11/02/2018 


Today is apparently a holy one in the skeletal calendar. 
The monks will be hosting a celebration to honour the life 
and death of all things. Foundation personnel such as 
myself were invited, but politely declined. 


The festival takes place at the rising of the moon anda 
large batch of 'Marrow' has been produced in 
preparation. 


Woke in the middle of the night to drunken chanting. 
Seems that even under the influence, they can 
remember that "the neck bone's connected to the head 
bone". It was funny for about five minutes, and Jared 
from the Horticulture Department even joined in at one 
point, but at this stage it's been going on for hours. 


There's not much | can do, | suppose. I'll let them have 
their fun. 


Date: 12/02/2018 

2:00 AM 

All the boats are gone. 

All the monks, bar one, are gone. 


We found them dozing on the grass, still clutching an 
empty bottle. They explained that they had left in the 
night to find the reincarnation of their deity, and bring 
them back to the Abbey, their new spiritual home. 


| don't know what they plan to do, but | imagine the 
paperwork will be nightmarish. 


The departure of SCP-3716-A instances from the island was verified 
shortly afterwards, and Incident 3716-S was formally designated a 
High-Level priority. The on-site security team, later discovered to 
have been overwhelmed by the instances, were disciplined severely 
thereafter, and a higher staff requirement introduced (see 
Containment Procedures). 


Update (12/02/2018): 
> Show Video Transcript 3716-009 


The following is external CCTV footage recovered from 
the Dorset County Museum, beginning at 06:29 a.m. 


<Begin Log> 


<00:00> Relevant footage begins. Muffled 
scraping can be heard from within the building, 
accompanied by several loud crashes. 


<04:03> Although blurry and indistinct, the 
footage reveals the main doors of the museum 
bursting open to a chorus of chants and 
mantras from gathered SCP-3716-A instances. 


<05:21> Instruments are produced, and a 
slightly atonal melody is played as a group of 
instances emerge, carrying a large object 
between them. The object appears to glow as 
the morning sunlight illuminates the museum 
hall — subsequently verified to be a non- 
anomalous optical illusion. 


<07:30> A crowd of monks gather on the front 
steps as one (later identified as SCP-3716- 
A-1) awkwardly mounts the object, which is 
off-white in colouration and tapers to a point at 
both ends. 


<10:01> SCP-3716-A-1 begins gesturing 
wildly at the rest of the group, vocalising 
loudly. While initially inaudible and slurred, the 
instance's voice begins to rise in volume, 
culminating in the phrase "OUR LORD! HE IS 
REBORN AT LAST! HE IS-" 


<10:12> The film cuts out abruptly as one 
SCP-3716-A instance loses its footing, and the 
object and monk collide with the camera. 


<End Log> 


Following reports of a disturbance at the aforementioned museum, 
and civilian reports matching descriptions of SCP-3716-A, MTF Xi- 
Kai ("Curators") was deployed to investigate. A group of 
approximately 70 SCP-3716-A instances were eventually located 


some two km west of the location, carrying what appeared to be a 
replica Diplodocus skeleton complete with explanatory plaque and 
support wires. The majority of instances had discarded their 
external coverings, several of which have yet to be recovered, and 
all entities involved appeared extremely inebriated. Vocalisations 
consisted of loud chanting about the reincarnation and ascension of 
their 'God' — note than no additional anomalous phenomena, divine 
or otherwise, were seen during the event. 


By the time the intervention squad arrived, the monks were escaping 
in a stolen yacht with "Dippy the New Messiah" haphazardly 
strapped in. Despite the instances' overall lack of coordination, poor 
weather conditions and a lack of immediately available Foundation 
watercraft meant that apprehension was not possible until late 
afternoon, by which time all SCP-3716-A instances had returned to 
HS-229. 


SCP-3716-A-1, who during the incident was observed seated on the 
skeleton's back, has since apologised for the damage and 
disturbance caused. The frequency of excursions is to be reduced to 
every three months as a reprimand, with the threat of termination 
should another such incident occur. Further updates to Containment 
Procedures are pending. 


> Show Document 3716-035.doc 


Non-anomalous document received via standard 
communication channels shortly after the 
aforementioned incident. Transcribed here for archival 
purposes. 


To our esteemed friends at the Foundation, 


On behalf of the Order, | apologise for the 
pandemonium we were responsible for 
recently. It was an embarrassing display, and 
does not reflect the disciplines we have come 
to practice here at the monastery. Devout faith 
and excessive alcohol do not seem to 
harmonise well. 


vision, but at the time were focused on the subject so did not note 
the experience. 


All future tests should have follow up interviews with researchers 24 
hours, 3 days, and 2 weeks after testing for potential lasting 
memetic effects. 

Dr. 


Test Number: 03 

Subject Gender: Male 

Subject’s Known Mental Illness: Satyriasis 

Medication: None 

Exposure (Alpha): Subject reported being “unable to get a boner”. 
Subject displayed signs of minor lethargy and lack of initiative in 
performing anything beyond sitting and looking around. Media of 
sexual nature was displayed to the subject, who expressed lack of 
interest in them. No other reactions were noted at this time. Initial 
stage lasted 3 hours, 17 minutes. 

Exposure (Beta): At 3 hours, 18 minutes subject started shuddering 
and began to spasm repeatedly. These reactions started occurring 
in increasing frequency and duration. At 3 hours, 39 minutes subject 
began convulsing violently and started expelling a white fluid from 
his mouth, visible to outside observers through the suit's mask. 
Termination order was given at 3 hours and 45 minutes after initial 
reactions observed.