His hands shake a lot these days, in ways he can't stop, but they 
keep perfectly still now, running behind Ace's ears and over his 
head. "'Need to know,' Rose. | think I've said that before. What's with 
Ace's eye?" 


"Some thing you've got in here took it out. | never got the details. He 
can't do much work anymore, it's all those big hulking shepherds. I... 
mostly bring him around now 'cos he doesn't like to be alone. They 
like him here, too." 


"No, the other eye." He tilts the dog's head up, a little, to show her. 


"They get unfocused like that sometimes. When they get old. He 
sees fine with it, at least. It's the hearing, actually, that's going..." 
She sighs, "He'll be eleven soon. Missed our chance for films, | 
suppose.” 


Agent Nelson doesn't know what to say, so he just sits there, 
running his hands over Ace's fur. 


05/15/1930: 

McMillan's Proposal 

Introduce animal assets to major Foundation sites as 
means to improve employee morale. 


02/01/1931 
MTF-Lambda-9 dissolved, and Foundation Animal 
Assets Division established. 


Headquartered at Site-19, the Animal Assets Division 
specializes in the following: creation of containment 
teams which involve use of canine units; retrieval and 
transportation of SCP items which affect humans to a 
larger degree than animals; training of service animals 
for injured or disabled personnel; and use of animal 
assets in order to improve employee morale. 


Currently, the division consists of three animal trainers, 
twelve canines, one rat, a chimpanzee, two miniature 
horses, and a dolphin. 


06/07/1931 
Agent Andrew Nelson, the first member of MTF- 
Lambda-9, is killed in action while working with SCP- 


12/21/1931 - 01/03/1951 

Two K-9 teams are created and trained by the 
Foundation Animal Assets Division in order to contain 
SCP- 


There's nothing like watching Scout take down a bastard. The skip 


looks human from the outside, a young man with slicked back hair 
and the kind of smug expression Agent Harrison hates on these 
things. He's loved watching it realize that whatever ju-ju it was 
pulling over the staff isn't going to work on the dogs. 


The war had given him a healthy love of shepherds. The Foundation 
had given him a healthy hatred of things that pretend to be human. 
He doesn't come near it himself, as much as he's tempted 
sometimes, since they're figuring it's got a fairly large range of effect. 
So it's nice to see Scout's back legs hit the thing's chest and hear 
the thump as it hits the ground. 


"She won't bite hard if you don't try anything rash," Agent Harrison 
shouts through the megaphone. "You going to head back now, when 
you get up?" It is. Off, then, girl, walk it back to its cell. 


He can see how they'd been herding dogs. 


04/03/1932 

Four animal assets, trained and deployed by the Animal 
Assets Division, are used for detection of anomalous 
narcotics created by SCP- 


06/17/1939 

After four members of MTF- __-8 are stranded in the 
Mountains, presumed KIA or wounded, Animal 

Assets Division employs the first team of Search and 

Rescue canine assets used by the Foundation. 


The team, which initially consists for four canine assets 
of Newfoundland breed, is successful in recovering 
Agent M. Cooper and the body of Agent H. Fleming. 


02/25/1942 

After a proposal by Agent Keller, MTF-Gamma-_ briefly 
uses a messenger dog when engaging in warfare 
with . [REDACTED], which occurs due to the effects 
of SCP- .Later, [REDACTED] in Berlin, Germany. 


06/01/1942 all members of MTF-Gamma- are 
summarily executed for [REDACTED]. As with multiple 


other divisions, information about involvement of Animal 
Assets Division in the event is suppressed until 
01/05/1962. 


"Do you ever feel like it can't touch you?" 
"Excuse me?" 


"The war." There's something oddly vulnerable to the way Rose is 
standing, her back to him, hair spilling out of the bun. It's thin and 
grey and it sticks out, brittle and ugly like straw. Been years, but it's 
still odd to see her without the dog. "You know, my brother's fighting 
it. | think some of our boys here are too. But you never hear 
anything real." 


"I've got two nephews," Harrison doesn't get it. "And | knew Keller. 
It's just as real here as it is anywhere." 


"Here isn't real," She says, shaking her head. "Or anywhere isn't. | 
don't know anymore. We're gonna live forever, you know? Here's 
gonna live forever." 


That's the kind of talk that makes Harrison think she's going to have 
her dog back again real soon. 


11/26/1943 
Rose Emerson, the second member of MTF-Lambda-9, 
dies of ovarian cancer. 


09/31/1946 

Dr. Clarence Frost, one of the first professional 
psychiatrists hired by the Foundation, is transferred onto 
Animal Assets Division, where he works to launch 
Project-A-099 ("Everybody needs a pal"), the 
Foundation's first full service and therapy animal project. 


Everybody Needs Somebody» 


Oneirochemy 


“Misses Shao, There’s a fate better than death.” 


The man adjusted his thick, rimless bifocals. His toothy grin seemed 
to put her at ease, despite the bizarre circumstance of their meeting. 


“This sounds so strange to me.” She said, gesturing toward herself. 
“But | want to spend the rest of my life with Jason.” She quickly 
folded her hands together on the patio table. 


“Would you two like anything to drink?” Asked a waiter impatiently. 
“Yinzhen, please.” Asked the man in the glasses. 


Shao addressed the man in Chinese, and he nodded earnestly. 
“Very well ma’am.” 


“Misses Shao, | represent powerful individuals. This group has 
means that a good, normal person like yourself wouldn’t even 
consider. Believe me when | say, this is a wonderful opportunity for 
you.” He smiled again and took her hands in his from across the 
table. “You can stay with him forever, and at the same time, you can 
help protect the future of humanity.” 


Qi Shao smiled nervously. 


“Engaging abdominal gauss cannon!” Sci-Fi’s robotic voice 
screamed as she adjusted her torso to best target the massive, 
roaring lamprey-dragon above her. 


The dark, floating island was being torn apart by swarms of the 
dragon’s clones. Deathbell’s outer leaves began to disintegrate as 
his poisonous power sapped his remaining mental energy. It 
sprayed out of his orifices in violent, twisting streams at the clones, 
burning away their hard shells and revealing the nothingness inside. 


Qi Shao roared past Sci-Fi, leaving a trail of sticky black glitter. Sci- 
Fi leaned forward in pursuit, putting every ounce of concentration 
she had into her thrusters. Just as it seemed she was within her 
reach, Qi Shao performed a loop, diving directly toward Deathbell. 


“Urooj get out of the way!” 


Qi Shao’s spiraling mouth emerged from between the fog-covered 
columns of the desolate island, and from it emerged a long, sharp 
appendage. Deathbell turned and looked up to see Sci-Fi dashing 
toward him from in the frame of the moon, and felt a sharp pain in 
his chest. 


“| don’t think | could do that to Jason.” Said Shao, reading over the 
materials the man behind the glass had given her. “Why are you 
behind that glass all of the time? Why is that?” 


“Safety precaution, you'll understand soon why this barrier is 
required.” 


“Okay,” She said, flipping through the sheets. “‘Oneiroinautics’. You 
already have eight people who can do this? This is fantasy. Magic.” 


“What we’re beginning to understand is that it isn’t magic at all. 
Any... willing entity can do this. | am personally very excited about it. 
It means so much for psychology and human communications. Not 
just humans. Plants, animals. Zeitgeists. Did you notice the bit about 
the K-9 unit? It’s marvelous.” 


“This sounds like a big scam, but | am desperate. Let us continue. 
What is this right here?” She took the dull, gray pamphlet and 
pressed the black and white illustration against the glass. It depicted 
what looked like a dragonfly, only its face only had a circular mouth. 


The doctor began laughing softly. “Our artists can be a bit creative. 
It's a speculative drawing of what a nightmare creature could look 
like. Of course, they could look like anything, they reflect a person’s 
hopes and fears.” 


Shao eyed his silhouette behind the thick pane pensively. For just a 


moment she could catch the glint of his glasses. 


Qi Shao slowly plucked away Deathbell’s petals, placing them each 
in separate jars in the hollow grooves of the temple interior. “He 
loves me, he loves me not. Funny? Yes.” She said plainly, buzzing 
down from the impossibly tall shelf. 


Deathbell was incoherent; he had long lost his ability to concentrate, 
and it seemed like the only thing real now was the pain. All around 
him were thick piles of brown leaves. Skittering Xiupanians tended 
to them with plastic rakes. In his fever Deathbell imagined that these 
were his uninteresting parts. 


“Are you with the mister glass? Why are you here?” She asked 
calmly, plucking away the individual white bulbs that rooted in 
Deathbell’s skull. Luckily, escaping sap had quickly crystallized into 
a clear amber around over his eyes. “I think you are here to bother 
me. | think you are part of his funny game.” 


“Crazy bitch!” 


Qi Shao tilted her head at the small flower, conveying an expression 
in her mouth-face that he wouldn’t understand to be restrained 
amusement. She produced the sound of broken gears grinding 
meat. Tenderly, she brought the hairy stalk of one of her arms to the 
base of his stem. 


“lam not. You are. That does not bother me. That is why | am here.” 
“Fuck off and die! Kill yourself!” 


Qi Shao shook her head. “I am patient. | will give you one other 
chance. Answer this question. | think you are with Mr. Glass, and 
you are trying to manipulate me. Yes?” 


“Who the fuck is Glass?” 


“The man who talks to you from behind the glass. You know who | 
am referring to.” 


“I’m with the Collective, | don’t know shit.” 


Qi Shao scratched her head. “That is an ignorant lie. Transparent. 
You are not very learned,” Shao twisted his stem clockwise, then 
counterclockwise, maintaining surgical precision with her tiny 
fingertips. “You are a whole, tangible individual, with individual 
fears.” 


“You will have one less fear now, you are welcome.” Very tenderly, 
she brought her nails together and plucked away his stamen, 
tossing it on the ground. 


“Forever and a day ago we lost inside the spiral quarry.” 


The doctor’s voice filled Snhao’s chamber every night when she slept. 
A very slight electrical pulse ran through the bedframe when Qi 
wasn't sleeping according to the program, and each time, the doctor 
would repeat his mantra. Every night, he observed the spikes and 
loops that appeared on his view screen with morbid fascination. 


Qi Shao sat up and removed her eye mask. “Doctor? Is that you?” 


“Yes. This is part of the conditioning process. Ah, the thought 
training outlined in the materials.” 


“| thought sleep learning was a lie. | saw a show.” 


“It is a lie. Please try to go back to sleep now, misses Shao, or this 
won't work.” 


“Okay. Sorry.” 


The rotund slug creature rolled up the foot of the gargantuan seat. 
Across the vast distance sat Qi Shao. Hundreds of thousands of 
buzzing and chirping Xiupanians flooded the monolithic arches of 
the dining room, creating crawling windows. Moonlight escaping 
between their bodies caused the room to shift from dim to pitch 
black. 


“Thank you for taking the time to interview, miss!” The slug squirted 
happily. 


Setting: Very Fine 

Output: One (1) animated plush bear. Subject is 
harmless, and will "piggyback" on anyone that it is 
curious about. It then will proceed to show large amounts 
of affection to the carrier. Subject is currently being 
tested before clearing release to Dr. Margeon. 


Name: Dr. Grunsberg 

Date: 3/31/09 

Total Items: Five (5) DVD copies of 1999 motion picture 
"The Matrix" 


Input: One (1) DVD copy of 1999 motion picture "The 
Matrix" 

Setting: Rough 

Output: One (1) small pile of polycarbonate plastic in 
powder form alongside trace amounts of ink. 


Input: One (1) DVD copy of 1999 motion picture "The 
Matrix" 

Setting: Coarse 

Output: One (1) blank DVD-RW circa year 2000 


Input: One (1) DVD copy of 1999 motion picture "The 
Matrix" 

Setting: 1:1 

Output: Seven (7) celluloid film reels adding up to a full 
showing of 1999 film "The Matrix" plus trailers for films to 
release that same year 


Input: One (1) DVD copy of 1999 motion picture "The 
Matrix" 

Setting: Fine 

Output: One (1) damage-resistant DVD copy of 1999 
motion picture "The Matrix" 


Input: One (1) damage-resistant DVD copy of 1999 
motion picture "The Matrix" 

Setting: Fine 

Output: One (1) Blu-Ray drive readable copy of 1999 


“lam a misses.” She maneuvered a bit of lettuce out of her teeth 
with a toothpick, dropping it to the floor with an enormous crash. 


“And this lovely floral arrangement.” The slug man lifted a crown of 
white bulbs with its invisible limbs, placing the decoration on his 
head. 


“| made it myself. It should fit you. It is nothing. Tell me again, what 
is your name?” 


The creature slapped its own body several times, causing orange 
liquid to escape in drooping streams. “Lordite White Water the 
Fourth, PHD, Esq, of free consciousness, of course.” 


“You are a ‘deather’. That is what | gathered from you when our 
minds first met. It seemed prevalent.” 


“Oh but of course. You could kill me right now and | would be very 
happy.” 


Qi Shao nodded. 


“You could kill roughly five hundred thousand oneiroi and they would 
be very happy.” He added, wobbling earnestly. 


“That is interesting. | did not know such a sentiment existed. Even 
so, why would | do such a thing. What motivation would | have.” 


“Well, forever and a day ago we lost inside the spiral quarry, so to 
speak, and so on.” 


Shao paused, her eyes resting vacantly on the moon inside the 
churning windows. 


“So you'll do it then?” 


The Xiupanians all chirped in unison. Their bodies began to flood 
into the room and carpet the floor, causing the temple to be filled 
with soft moonlight. 


The slug ball chuckled, producing a pipe from thin air and plugging it 
into a large orifice. “Very well! I'll make my way back and spread 


word to my compatriots!” It rolled away, following the trail of slime it 
had left. Just as it reached the floor, it was ambushed by several 
Xiupanians, who with their incisors efficiently divided him like one 
might eighth a breakfast grapefruit. “Oh happy day!” It squealed. 


Qi Shao snorted, and bumped her head on the ceiling. “Okay, yeah.” 
she whispered, absently slurping the waterfall of drool that had 
descended from her mouth. 


Oneirocritic 


The exhibit was located in a small town in west Texas. On display 
there was a man, who supposedly had been asleep for his entire 
life. His name was Jeremy, and he was inside a lot of people. 


“This is an interesting subject, what do you suppose it means 
Urooj?” 


“| don’t know, Sherry, maybe it’s something about how we’re never 
really awake?” 


“There is a proverb or something that eludes me.” Sherry’s words 
were detached as she stared, wide-eyed at the naked, gaunt man 
before her. She was momentarily blinded by the flash of a hep girl’s 
camera. 


Jeremy softly moaned a string of unintelligible words. 
“Do you think he’s a dreamer?”