<0:25:15> FTS-\9 is successful in returning 15 of the 16 
essences. As K-1 and K-2 continue consumption, their bodies 
convulse; their bodies assimilate energies from Sheol? and 
the 16th patron's essence. 


<0:26:19> FTS-9 deploys a portable electro-thaumic 
exorcism device and attempts to banish the entity. Due to the 
loss of the last remaining Elan-Vital essence, the entity 
cannot be banished. 


<0:26:51> SCP-3464-450 expands into the street, destroying 
the building in the process. External CCTV surveillance 
continues, displaying SCP-3464-450's manifestation of 
multiple arthropod appendages and leakage of a corrosive 


liquid similar to olive oil, which indicates the entity's 
heightening control. 


<0:27:36> FTS-9 attempts essence expulsion, fully 
sacrificing their EVEs to aid in the exorcism. 


<0:32:17> The entity is banished, absorbing the Elan-Vital 
essences of K-1 and K-2 as it de-manifests. SCP-3464-450 
erupts, dispersing garlic bread across the nearby Yonge- 
Dundas Square. 


<End Log, 01:58 PM> 


Over the next month, garlic bread within Italian-themed restaurants 
in Downtown Toronto vocalized with the voice of Don LaFontaine, 
warning about the dangers of garlic bread. A dedicated Foundation 
media coverup team implanted in Olive Garden has been charged 
with maintaining the guise of SCP-3464 being an elaborate social 
experiment conducted to raise food waste awareness. 


The Elan-Vital essences of FTS-'9, K-1, and K-2 cannot be located. 
Their bodies have been contained in the Humanoid Containment 
Wing of Site-82. 


On October 13th, 2018, the creation and dissemination of SCP-3464 
was confirmed to be the work of independent Dutch anartist Ignaas 
Markus (Pol-4312). Pol-4312, a known demonologist specialising in 
demonic edibles, is a rising figure in the North American anomalous 
art scene. His extensive use of infernal entities has made him a 
target of paranormal manipulation and sabotage. The hijacking of 
SCP-3464-450 by an unknown rogue faction is the latest in a string 
of attacks against Pol-4312's work. 


Footnotes 

1. It has been noted that establishments containing SCP-3464 
during anomalous expansion typically discover the loss of organic 
waste proportional to the amount of garlic bread generated. Persons 
consuming the garlic bread are unaware of this change. 

2. A dish made from the milk-filled intestines of a calf. 

3. Domestic goat meat. 


4. Notably, the two main orders do not exist in any Olive Garden 
restaurants worldwide and contain herbs used in sacrificial rituals. 
Surveillance footage reveals the orders spontaneously emerged 
from within the kitchen by esoteric means. The garlic bread has 
been identified as SCP-3464-450. 

5. Post-incident documentation reveals that FTS-'9 was dispatched 
to pursue K-1 and K-2 in an attempt to detain them, but was 
unsuccessful. 

6. Colloquially known as the "human soul". 

7. All members of the public were interviewed, amnesticized, and 
released following the incident. 

8. The ingestion of an incorporeal Tartarean entity would grant K-1 
and K-2 with the capability to absorb EVEs, the procurement of 
which appears to be their goal. 

9. Also Known as Hades, or Hell. 


« SCP-3463 | SCP-3464 | SCP-3465 » 


SCP-3465: Better Safe Than Sorry 


Item #: SCP-3465 
Object Class: Thaumiel! 


Special Containment Procedures: SCP-3465-A instances are to 
be contained inside an aquarium (or spread across multiple 
aquariums as necessary) able to accommodate a large population of 
turtles. SCP-3465 instances are to be fed a mixture of fish and 
lettuce twice a day. Research and testing on SCP-3465 is to be 
approved by Project Lead Dr. Rodney Ellars. Any new instances of 
SCP-3465-A are to be reported by Gol-466 (Wilson's Wildlife 
Solutions) and contained in a joint effort by Gol-466 and MTF Beta-4 
("Castaways") and then transported to Site-64. 


Description: SCP-3465 is an anomaly affecting Western Painted 
Turtles (Chrysemys picta) in Oregon, US. Roughly one in every fifty- 
five (or 1.82% of) Western Painted Turtles living in Oregon are 
affected by SCP-3465, and are thus classified as SCP-3465-A 
instances. SCP-3465-A instances are characterized by infertility and 
an area of effect? inside which animals will become significantly less 
aggressive. While inside this area of effect, brains of animals are 
found to increase releases of melatonin, dopamine, and leptin, 
effectively rendering animals tired, happy, and full feeling. It is 
believed that this is used by SCP-3465-A instances as a defense 
mechanism, as the effects of the area of the effect (including size in 
some cases) increase in potency when an SCP-3465-A instance is 
scared or threatened. 


Date Event 
01-03-2018 First instances of SCP-3465-A 
discovered, contained by Gol-466 
temporarily at their premises. 
09-03-2018 SCP-3465-A instances relocate to 
Site-64 upon the creation of an 


12-03-2018 


17-03-2018 


18-03-2018 


19-03-2018 


22-03-2018 


24-03-2018 


25-03-2018 


26-03-2018 


27-03-2018 


appropriate containment unit. 
Gol-466 claims containment 
rights due to SCP-3465's status 
as a Safe class anomaly. 
SCP-3465 containment deferred 
to Gol-466 under Foundation 
supervision. 

Unauthorized access of 
SCP-3465's files was detected. 
Investigation onto its origins 
begins. 

SCP-3465-A instances 
discovered outside of Oregon 
borders, disqualifying SCP-3465's 
status as an Oregon based 
anomaly. Containment duties 
attained by the SCP Foundation. 
Gol-466 cites their inclusion in the 
containment of SCP-3153, 
instances of which had also been 
discovered in northern California, 
as a counterargument to the 
deligitimization of their 
containment efforts. Tim Wilson, 
head of Gol-466, proposes an 
amendment to the Boring 
Agreement which would change 
wording from "based in Oregon" 
to “based mostly in Oregon.” 

Dr. Rodney Ellars refutes Tim 
Wilson's proposal, explaining that 
SCP-3153 is still housed within 
Site-64 despite Gol-466's access 
tO if. 

Tim Wilson proposes to meet Dr. 
Rodney Ellars in person to settle 
the dispute. 

Dr. Rodney Ellars denies Tim 
Wilson's proposal. 

Tim Wilson contacts Director of 


Containment Sophia Turner 
through MTF Beta-4 Agent Naomi 
Vasquez after discovering that 
letters sent were consistently 
getting lost or misplaced. 

29-03-2018 Sophia Turner held a meeting 
with the Asst. Director of 
Personnel, Asst. Director of 
Research, Asst. Site Director, 
SCPF Ambassador to Gol-466, 
SCP-3465 Project Lead, and Tim 
Wilson. It was concluded that Tim 
Wilson's proposed amendment to 
the Boring Agreement was 
approved, and would be properly 
amended within the month. 

01-04-2018 MTF Mu-3 ("Highest 
Bidders") found a collection of 
over a dozen SCP-3465-A 
instances being sold in a Gol-012 
(Marshal, Carter & Dark) held 
auction. 

08-04-2018 SCP-3465 reclassified to 
Thaumiel due to its newfound 
latent suppression of memetic 
influences. 

09-04-2018 During a count of SCP-3465-A 
instances, two are found 
unaccounted for. 

10-04-2018 Amendment to the Boring 
Agreement legislated. 


EDIT: The following message was recovered from corrupted data in 
the Site-64 servers. Apparently the document was meant to be sent 
on 20-03-2018 to the Board of Directors at Site-64, but never 
delivered properly. 


Hello, this is Tim Wilson, | would just like to say that though 
tensions have been running a bit high lately, | still consider us 
friends and am still willing to work under the supervision of 
you guys. You guys are great, actually. | have friends who 
have friends in your ranks, | have talked to a lot of the 
Castaways' guys, and you seem to be pretty well comprised 
of generally nice people. However, recently, as | said, 
tensions have been running high, and it's all been around 
these serenity turtles. I'm not worried about you guys, mostly 
just about this one guy. 


Rodney, or as his friends call him, Hot Rod, has been greatly 
interfering with what should be Wilson's Wildlife Solutions 
property. As per the fifth paragraph of the Boring Agreement, 
sentence three: 


"All fauna anomalies which the Supervisors designate Safe or 
Euclid class, based in Oregon, are to be contained by 
Wilson's Wildlife Solutions, with supervision by the 
Supervisors." 


Now, these serenity turtles, you see, are based primarily in 
Oregon, and | am pretty sure that | heard Safe being flung 
around there. We attained possession of the turtles for a short 
while, but then shortly after getting them all settled into their 
tank the Castaways found some turtles up in Washington. 
Now what is so suspicious about this to me is that nobody on 
Castaways who | know was on that mission, and when | 
talked to them they said that the mission seemed to come out 
of nowhere. They talked about how John Schut said they 
heard of "some reports of similar activity up north" and that he 
wanted a small group to come with him to check it out. All 
willing raised their hands and he picked only the ones who 
I've never met before. And then they found some turtles far 
outside of the original field. 


No more turtles have been found in that area. | checked 
myself. | and some friends fished up there for a little trip, one 
day, and we searched for those turtles. They weren't there. 
No turtles. | don't want to be caught on a technicality, and | 
just want to say that those friendipedes have been found 
outside of Oregon and we are still proudly a part of their 
capture and containment. | am sure you have more important 
things to contain at your site — we have tangentially heard of 
some pretty big things, you know. Scary stuff. Scary robot 
stuff. 


So, as per the Boring Agreement, it would be real nice if we 
could get those serenity turtles back. Oh, and | am certain we 
could give them better housing than that Rodney fellow, I've 
seen those tanks and they are filthy. 


— Tim Wilson 


Through investigation, SCP-3465 Project Lead Dr. 
Rodney Ellars and MTF Beta-4 Captain John Schut have 
been found guilty of the following infractions against the 
Special Containment Procedures Foundation: 


¢ Manipulation of postal communication and 
transactions in Site-64 

Interference with MTF Beta-4 actions and 
objectives 

Interference with Gol-466 actions and objectives 
Unauthorized editing of SCP-3465 documentation 
Unauthorized transportation of SCP-3465-A 
instances 

Unauthorized interactions and transactions with 
Gol-012 

Abuse of position for personal gain 


For this, both Dr. Rodney Ellars and John Schut will be 
removed from their positions and properly reprimanded. 
It is believed that over eight other individuals aided Dr. 


Rodney Ellars and John Schut or otherwise intentionally 
failed to report their behaviors for monetary gain. 
Investigation will continue to bring those who have 
worked with Dr. Rodney Ellars, John Schut, or Gol-012 
at Site-64 to light and all found guilty will be given proper 
punishment for their actions. 


It pains the Board of Directors to see such a lively 
community of defectors alive in Site-64. Following the 
reclassification to Safe, full containment of SCP-3465 will 
be transferred to Gol-466, as well as a formal apology. 


SITE-64 DIRECTOR EDGAR HOLMAN 


Footnotes 

1. Reclassification as Safe pending. 

2. Size differs between instances, maximum area found to be 3.6 
meters. 


SCP-3466: Only Birdbrains Live the American Dream 


Item #: SCP-3466 
Object Class: Euclid 


Special Containment Procedures: Full containment is deferred to 
Gol-466 (Wilson's Wildlife Solutions) as per the Boring Agreement!. 
In summary of the Fourth Amendment of the Boring Agreement, 
instances of SCP-3466 are to be provided with activities that 
emulate employment and provided pay. 


In case of a containment breach in which SCP-3466 is unable to be 
retrieved by Gol-466, Site-64's local MTF Beta-4 ("Castaways") 
is to assume full containment of SCP-3466 and keep them within the 
confines of Site-64's aviary enclosure. Site-64 is to implement 
Backup Containment Procedures, detailed further in the Fourth 
Amendment of the Boring Agreement. 


For more details on the Boring Agreement, contact Site-64 
administration for an up-to-date copy. 


Description: SCP-3466 is a large murder of American crows 
(Corvus brachyrhynchos) which makes permanent residence in 
Clackamas County, Oregon, in particular in the town of Boring. 
Testing on crows in this murder commonly yields higher-than- 
average scores in problem solving, communication, facial 
recognition and initiative, as compared to other crows of similar 
species in the same region. Instances of SCP-3466 also appear to 
have a heightened sense of currency and business, bordering on 
sapient though not confirmed. Whether SCP-3466 uses anomalous 
methods to obtain real estate, business licenses, and other legal 
papers required to run a restaurant in the USA is currently under 
investigation; the influence of an outside entity has not yet been 
ruled out. 


Initial reports of unusual behavior occurred on 3/16/2013, when 


SCP-448: Jack-in-the-Box 


Item #: SCP-448 
Object Class: Safe 


Special Containment Procedures: SCP-448 is to be kept in a 3m x 
3m x 3m room, decorated with colorful wallpaper, warm lighting, and 
several small children's toys scattered about. When not under 
observation, object is to kept on its pedestal at all times. Room must 
be kept clean and in good condition. All personnel entering the room 
(clearance level 2 and above and only one at a time) for any reason 
are reminded to smile and keep a cheerful disposition while in the 
presence of SCP-448. 


Description: Object appears to be a child's Jack-in-the-box toy. The 
box portion is 13cm along each side and is constructed of tin, with a 
colorful decal depicting a smiling clown on each facet of the box 
except for the bottom and right side, which holds the turn crank. 
When cranked, the toy plays "Pop Goes the Weasel", causing the 
"Jack" to leap out the top before the final five notes, as most toys of 
its kind normally do. 


The "Jack", however, transforms to reflect the mood of any person 
within 3m of the object. The strength of one's mood also affects its 
appearance, and every form it has taken has been unique. While the 
hand crank is functional, Object SCP-448 has been shown to 
randomly activate itself. Once out of the box, the "Jack" will stay out 
of the box until the lid is closed or the influencing person leaves the 
room. 


When approached by more than one person, object will stay shut 
and instead shake vigorously, becoming more and more violent until 
one or both persons leave its area of influence. In this state 
SCP-448 cannot be opened nor can it be activated, and can be 
dangerous the longer it stays in this state. Attempting to fake 
emotions, such as smiling when one is really depressed, delays the 


Gol-466 received (and shared) several phone calls asking for 
immediate help with aggressive birds. All callers were attacked 
outside their homes; many mentioned several takeout food boxes on 
their doorsteps. 


Transcript of Call-3466-6 


(Caller calls Gol-466. Employee of Gol-466 
picks up, hereby referred to as Respondent.) 


Respondent: Hello, you've reached Wilson's 
Wildlife. Is this about the birds? 


Caller: Yes, it — have other people been 
attacked? They're outside my house and 
pecking at the windows! 


Respondent: Please remain calm, a — 


Caller: They're smart. They're damn smart, 
they are. They baited me, they left Burger King 
outside my door and attacked when | picked it 


up! 


Respondent: Yes, some others have reported 
similar — 


Caller: They stole my money, they have my 
wallet — they took it right out of my pocket! 


Respondent: Yes, some others have reported 
similar occurrences. They should return your 
wallet. 


Caller: Oh. Okay. (Pause.) Wait, what?