Researcher _: Maybe when he was a roach larva Roy 
Orbison was his hero because whenever his mom and 
dad fought he would run to his corner and watch Roy 
Orbison on the TV so he wouldn't hear them yelling. And 
one day his parents fought so loud that Sad Roach ran 
away and bought a bus ticket to Nashville to learn guitar 
like Roy Orbison. But when he got there the music 
teacher took one look at him and said that he could 
never play guitar because he had six legs and no hands 
or fingers. And he went to live in a diner and waits for the 
radio to play one more Roy Orbison song and thinks 
about what a fool he's been because he can't play guitar 
because he is a roach. 


Technician : | saw it on my keyboard yesterday and 
thought "it must be tough to be that ugly." 


Upon initial contact, SCP-723-J was found on a railing in Site-19 
staff parking structure 39-K. Site maintenance was informed, but 
SCP-723-J disappeared during the time taken for dispatched 
personnel to arrive. SCP-723-J was later sighted in the second-floor 
laboratory rooms, and most frequently in the lab's utility closet. Staff 
has agreed per consensus to allow SCP-723-J to live out his dreams 
to be a janitor with the cleaning supplies, as it is a much better 
alternative to the roach motel he previously worked at and he needs 
some time away from his delinquent younger brother. 


It is currently unknown how SCP-723-J manages to sustain itself, as 
all edibles in close proximity to its containment are held in secure 
storage. Nevertheless, SCP-723-J sightings remain a relatively 
common occurrence, though SCP-723-J has been observed to flee 
immediately upon confrontation. 


Addendum: Due to an accident caused by misunderstanding, 
SCP-723-J was involved in Incident 723-1. See excerpted log of 
incident: 


SCP-550: The Ghal 


Item #: SCP-550 
Object Class: Euclid 


Special Containment Procedures: SCP-550 is to be held ina 
standard-sized humanoid cell. SCP-550 should be provided with a 
human corpse on a bi-weekly basis. Any remaining materials are to 
be cleaned and removed from the containment chamber after 
provision. All personnel handling SCP-550 are to wear provided 
chemical resistant gloves and Hazmat suits at all times. Directions 
made toward SCP-550 may be broadcast from speakers installed in 
its containment chamber, and should be used for transportation, 
maintenance, and testing. 


Description: SCP-550 is a humanoid composed of wood shavings 
from Fraxinus excelsior (European Ash), measuring 2.1 meters in 
height and 70 kg in weight. SCP-550 closely resembles a human 
male suffering from advanced muscle atrophy, though it lacks all 
exterior and bodily organs. SCP-550 is mainly compliant to human 
subjects, though it is restricted to following simple commands. 
Conversation through alternative systems of communication has 
been unsuccessful in determining if SCP-550 is sapient. SCP-550 is 
able to smell despite the lack of any sensory organs, and does this 
solely for the purpose of locating human corpses. 


SCP-550 is mainly drawn toward corpses in early stages of 
putrefaction. If no such cadaver is in the vicinity, it will attempt to 
locate one itself through bipedal locomotion. Upon finding a cadaver, 
SCP-550 will unravel itself to create a wide split in the area where a 
chest would be, and will kneel over the cadaver and make physical 
contact with the cavity. This cavity does not appear to be different 
from SCP-550's exterior, and it secretes high concentrations of 
hydrochloric acid. The acid produced by SCP-550 does not dissolve 
the wood it is covered in. 


Dr. : [extraneous dialogue removed] So how did the 
briefing go? 


Agent _ : Decenitly. I hang on, there's something 
under the cabinets. 


Dr. : What? Which cabinet? 


Agent — : The one with the snacks. Looks like a roach. 
I'll get it. 


Dr. : Wait, that could be sad roach! [Agent _ swiftly 
approaches and crushes SCP-723-J using standard 
Foundation-issue footwear] Be careful with sad roach! 


Agent :...the cockroach that you and Dr. were 
talking about last month, that neither of you could squish 
no matter how hard you tried? | just thought it was fast 
as hell and you couldn't catch it. They're health hazards, 


you know. 
Dr. : [pause] After all this time, that’s how he went 
out... 


Agent _ : If it makes you feel better, it was, uh, a worthy 
foe. But I'm just going to scrape this into the trash now. 


Dr. : SAD ROACH NOOOOOOOO0O0 


Asof //  ,SCP-723-d is confirmed neutralized. Due to a 
perceived record of intense hardship, SCP-723-J was posthumously 
awarded the Dr. Blattodea Lifetime Achievement Award and the 
E-112 Marine Incineration Protocol. As Foundation interns were 
unable to fully retrieve SCP-723-J or its remains from the wastebin, 
the boot used during SCP-723-J's improvised non-emergency 
termination was burned following a brief, informal closed-shoebox 
ceremony. personnel were in attendance. 


Kiryu Labs Roach Wrangling Log 


Note to all Researchers Roach Wranglers: Please include your 
name and department on all records, along with brief description of 
the Roach Instance observed. Be sure to correctly process any 
Roach Instance encountered. Kiryu Labs is not responsible for any 
irresponsible Roach Wrangling. 


Refer to documents SCP-723-J and/or SCP-724-J as necessary. 
Interview logs are optional. 


Kiryu Labs thanks you for your assistance with anomalous item 
cache processing, and is always welcoming to new interns and 
researchers who wish to gain additional experience within the 
Foundation experimental chamber environments! For additional 
assignments, please contact Dr. Riven Mercer. 


Display test log format coding. 
“Encounter #:** 
*“Roach Instance:** 
*“Personnel Name/Dept:** 
“Description:** 


Interview log format: 


__**Roach Name Intake Log Interview**__ 
| Dies, INES 2s 

**Roach Name: ** 

Digi INGheS 


**Roach Name: ** 


VIN WIN NN NON NN 


> **Dr. Name:** Roach name, no/no.../NO!/NOOO 


Show Roach Logs, Encounters 1 - 10 


Encounter #: 1 

Roach Instance: Fad Roach 

Personnel Name/Dept: Dr. Riven Mercer, Kiryu Labs 
anomalous item processing 

Description: Fad Roach's anomaly manifests in its 
unusual preoccupation with following popular human 
behavioral trends, such as dieting, specialized exercise 
regimens, and intelligent technology for the home 
environment. Individuals who encounter Fad Roach will 
take note of its overzealous desire to be seen as hip and 
stylish. 


Fad Roach Intake Log Interview 


Dr. Mercer: Where did you get that? Are you 
sure it’s good for your digestive system? 


Fad Roach: [eats] 


Dr. Mercer: Do you think Sad Roach would be 
happy that you’re so obsessed with dieting? Is 
this new cleanse really necessary? 


Fad Roach: [eats] 


Dr. Mercer: Isn’t this the third diet you’ve tried 
in the last week? 


Fad Roach: [eats] 


Dr. Mercer: Fad Roach, no. 


Encounter #: 2 

Roach Instance: Rad Roach 

Personnel Name/Dept: Dr. Taylor Itkin, [REDACTED] 
Description: Rad Roach's anomaly manifests in its 


ability to skateboard and do skateboard tricks. 
Individuals who come into contact with Rad Roach will 
often describe it as "sick" or "wicked cool." 


Rad Roach Intake Log Interview 


Dr. Itkin: Where did you even get a 
skateboard that small? 


Rad Roach: [skateboards] 


Dr. Itkin: Are you at least wearing a helmet? 
Skateboard safety is a very important thing, 
are you taking it seriously? 


Rad Roach: [does a sick kickflip] 


Dr. Itkin: Rad Roach, no. 


Encounter #: 3 

Roach Instance: Pad Roach 

Personnel Name/Dept: Dr. Graham 

Description: Pad Roach lives in Brookland, USA, and 
has a wife and two kids. Pad Roach makes a living 
selling vinyl padding to nearby apartments and shops. 


Pad Roach Intake Log Interview 
Dr. Graham: Hello, Pad Roa— 


Pad Roach: Why hello! Would you be 
interested in purchasing these state-of-the-art 
vinyl pads? They keep rain, mud, and other 
bothersome substances away from your 
building's interior. All you have to do is place 
the, by your door and BOOM! Your home is 
instantly free of dirt and water leakage! 


Dr. Graham: ... |, uh— 


Pad Roach: Great! That will be— 


Dr. Graham: Pad Roach, NO! 


Encounter #: 4 

Roach Instance: Chad Roach 

Personnel Name/Dept: Dr. Broseph Broski 
Description: Chad Roach's anomaly manifests in how 
awesome he is. He's such a bro and everyone loves him. 
Whenever anyone is around Chad Roach, they better be 
prepared, because it gets wild wherever he is! Those 
near Chad Roach will also experience an undying 
devotion to the fraternity Rho Omicron Alpha Chi. Chad 
Roach wears a small, roach-sized baseball cap 
backward on its head. 


Chad Roach Intake Log Interview 


Dr. Broski: Bro, you need to not drink so 
much. 


Chad Roach: [drinks beer] 


Dr. Broski: Bro, for real, man, that's like your 
hundredth beer. 


Chad Roach: [passes out from alcohol 
content] 


Dr. Broski: CHAD ROACH 
NOOOOOOOOO0000 


Encounter #: 5 

Roach Instance: Vlad Roach 

Personnel Name/Dept: Dr. Reynard, Goetics 
Description: Vlad Roach's anomaly manifests in its 
taste for human blood, as well as its unusually dark 
coloration, bat shaped wings, and abnormally large 
mandibles. Viad Roach wears a roach sized black cloak 
at all times, and never drinks... wine. 


Vlad Roach Intake Log Interview 


Dr. Reynard: What do you have to gain by 
drinking blood, Viad Roach? 


Vlad Roach: [continues to drink Dr. Reynard's 
blood] 


Dr. Reynard: Please stop sucking my blood, 
and answer the question, Vlad Roach. Was 
your unholy pact with dark forces what drove 
Sad Roach to that dark place in his life? 


Vlad Roach: [continues to drink Dr. Reynard's 
blood] 


Dr. Reynard: Vlad Roach, n- (Dr. Reynard is 
rendered unconscious due to blood loss.) 


Encounter #: 6 

Roach Instance: Tad Roach 

Personnel Name/Dept: Dr. Benny Ferris-Reiner. 
Description: Tad Roach's anomaly manifests in it's 
ability to convince all personnel interviewing it, 
regardless of prior characteristics, that they are a father 
in the 1950s and Tad Roach is their son. Other 
characteristics include its small size, quiet weedy voice, 
stupid beanie hat and hangdog look, as well as 
persistent failure at sports and other manly athletic 
activities 


Tad Roach Intake Log Interview 


Dr. Ferris-Reiner: Now, why do you keep 
dawdling on the sidelines instead of being a 
team player? 


Tad Roach: | dunno, dad. 


Dr. Ferris-Reiner: No son of mine is gonna be 
a ween! Are you a filthy ween, Tad Roach? | 


don't want to see my son end up a sports- 
hating ween! 


Tad Roach: No, dad! I'm not a ween! | just 
wanna do something else besides sports! 


Dr. Ferris-Reiner: Tad Roach, no! 


Encounter #: 7 

Roach Instance: Plaid Roach 

Personnel Name/Dept: Dr. Westrin 

Description: Plaid Roach anomaly manifests in its 
excessive cursing and the ability to generate tiny roach 
sized plaid kilts out of nowhere. 


Plaid Roach Intake Log Interview 
Dr. Westrin: Hello Plaid Roach. 


Plaid Roach: [Tiny, high pitched noises are 
heard from Plaid Roach, most of them being 
extremely creative insults about Dr. Westrin's 
ancestor's goats.] 


Dr. Westrin: How dare you, Plaid Roach! 
That's it, no more kilt for today! 


Plaid Roach: [Plaid Roach pulls out a very 
tiny set of bagpipes and begins to violently 
assault Dr. Westrin's ears.] 


Dr. Westrin: Plaid Roach, no! 


Encounter #: 8 

Roach Instance: Ad Roach 

Personnel Name/Dept: Agent Gummy Dragon 
Description: Ad Roach's anomaly manifests in its ability 
to convince humans to purchase any item. It wears a 
roach sized business suit. Any items purchased will 
invariably be of poor quality, and any attempts to buy 


replacements will result in additional purchases. 
Ad Roach Intake Log Interview 


Agent Gummy Dragon: Do you realize how 
much money we've spent buying your stuff? 
The coffee machine and microwave you sold 
us broke down in seconds! 


Ad Roach: If you don't like them, we'll replace 
them for free! 


Agent Gummy Dragon: That actually sounds 
great! 


Ad Roach: And for today only, we'll throw ina 
water cooler for just $99.99! 


Agent Gummy Dragon: Ad Roach, no! 


Encounter #: 9 

Roach Instance: Grad Roach 

Personnel Name/Dept: Dr. Taylor Itkin, [REDACTED] 
Description: Grad Roach graduated from Really 
Organized and Awesome College of Hard-Work 
(ROACH) in the year __. Grad Roach is the brother of 
SCP-723-J and the son of Dad Roach. Grad Roach has 
no observable anomaly. It wears a tiny, roach-sized 
graduation gown and cap. 


Grad Roach Intake Log Interview 


Dr. Itkin: We're all proud of you, Grad Roach. 
| know Dad Roach is proud of you. 


Grad Roach: [tosses tiny, roach-sized 
graduation cap into the air] 


Dr. Itkin: Sad Roach would have been proud 
too. 


Grad Roach: [sheds a single, roach-sized 
tear, looks at tiny, roach-sized diploma] 


Dr. Itkin: [pats on back] Grad Roach...no. 


Encounter #: 10 

Roach Instance: Notepad Roach 

Personnel Name/Dept: Dr. Westrin 

Description: Notepad Roach's anomaly manifests as 
the ability to carry objects of any size and mass without 
difficulties. However, Notepad Roach chooses to use its 
incredible abilities to carry around a pencil and notepad, 
and is Dr. Westrin's assistant. 


Notepad Roach Intake Log Interview 


Dr. Westrin: Okay, Notepad Roach, | have an 
idea: Write down "Book Idea: Humans go to 
space and they find a large planet full of 
different types of Roaches that rhyme with 
"sad". 


Notepad Roach: [Writes down Dr. Westrin's 
book idea.] 


Dr. Westrin: Oh! Write down that they make 
friends with the roaches, and they go off to 
defeat the evil Beetle King and save the 
universe! 


Notepad Roach: [While attempting to write Dr. 
Westrin's idea, the pencil's graphite breaks 
because Notepad Roach accidentally pushes 
too hard on the paper.] 


Dr. Westrin: Notepad Roach, no! 


Show Roach Logs, Encounters 11 - 20 


Encounter #: 11 


Roach Instance: Comrade Roach 

Personnel Name/Dept: Researcher M. Inselmann 
Description: The radical anti-capitalist views espoused 
by Comrade Roach pose a threat to our way of life. 
Establishment of an insect socialist Soviet is considered 
to be unacceptable by the Foundation and O5 Council. 
Comrade Roach was interrogated regarding its goals. 


Comrade Roach Intake Log Interview 


Researcher Inselmann: Comrade Roach, 
please elucidate for the record your political 
views. 


Comrade Roach: [Skitters around table] 


Researcher Inselmann: Subversive 
nonsense! What link do you have to 
SCP-1006? 


Comrade Roach: [Overthrows Capitalist Pig 
Foundation, establishes glorious Blattodea 
Worker's Soviet.] 


Researcher Inselmann Comrade Roach, no! 


Encounter #: 12 

Roach Instance: Bad Roach 

Personnel Name/Dept: Dr. D. Derekson 

Description: Bad Roach is one anomalously tough 
motha. It is passionate about overthrowing what it 
percieves as "The Man," Bad Roach's overarching term 
for Foundation personnel and infrastructure. In repeated 
double-blind tests, Bad Roach has displayed actions 
consistent with being a roach that won't cop out when 
there's danger all about. 


Bad Roach Intake Log Interview 


Dr. Derekson: Okay, Bad Roach: Who's the 


SCP-550 is capable of incorporating simple molecules and 
compounds through its cavity. The hydrochloric acid it produces is 
used in breaking down organic substances located in corpses, 
allowing it to take nutrients through pores in the wood it is composed 
of. SCP-550 mainly intakes amino acids and various proteins, 
though it is unclear in how it uses them to maintain itself.