he was beautiful and yoric loved him at first site. he did everything 
he could to get close 2 kaktus carlylsley actus and aeventually they 
were in the same art club. it was pretty cool and carlilly achtung was 
an awesome at painting and stuff. hs art came alive like an scp 
magic thing. 


months later and he was fast friends with carry anderwood but he 
couldn't bnring himself to explain his feelins to the won he loved. 
they were cleaning up the art room after schoool was over nd they 
had just put the last canvise away. Carly Ambrose turned to him and 
said "yoric lelroy i have something i wnat to 2 tell u" 


"wat" sed yoric. 
"| love you" said chimicanga alfonso. 


yorics heart grew tghree sizes larger. then chibodino ambibly 
strepped cloiser. "how do you feel about me yoric strelnkibo elroy 
dawkins?; nd yoric paused. he bit his lip, eyes shining brightly in the 
afternoon sun. locusts played softly outside like a chorus or smthing. 


yoric pauised nd looked away and then he looked back at candy 
axew nd he said "I love you 2. i have always since i saw u a month 
ago nd i will love uy forever." 


"oh yoric" said Chumbawumba Acting and then he threw his arms 


around yorics brawny shoulders nd kissed him. it tasted like cactus. 
yoric kisseed him back and their tonges intwined. Christmas 
Achewood mooned softly into his mouth. "ive been waiting for this 
for so long he said." 


His hand slowly moved towards yoric elroyu strelnikov dokins light 
rights the third's belt buckle. he began to unblick it slowly while 
kissin him on the mouth really sexy. yoric started to blush nd said "r 
you sur you want 2 do this Chichinltza Altitude?" and Caramel 
Ambivilant said "Yes. lve wanted to do this for so long." 


but then yoric richard elegent vampire the excellent fifteenth said 
"wait i have somethin else 2 tell u." 


"wat" said Chipmunk Alfredo 


"im a snake" said yoric dawnkins strelnikov rights lighjt richard 
elengent the third fiftheenth 


and hje was. then he bit Chilly Argentina in the arm and slithered 
away and Crabpot Alucard got poisoned and died. cause he was a 
stealre and he did a bad thing, the end. 


Cucumber sandwich made with fresh cucumbers, white bread, 
and 2 cc butter - Fried egg sandwich (pictured above). 


Vegetarian Patty with fresh lettuce, tomato, and onion, with 4 
cc ketchup, 4 cc mustard, and two slices dill pickle on a 
whole-wheat bun - "Luther" burger served on two Krispy 
Kreme donuts with three beef patties consisting of a total of 
0.5 kg of beef, served with lettuce, tomato, onion, 8 cc 
ketchup, 8 cc mayonnaise, 8 cc mustard, with a fried dill pickle 
on the side. 


Luther Burger - [DATA EXPUNGED]. Further testing of high- 
fat foods with SCP-807 has been suspended due to the high 
number of casualties. 


« SCP-806 | SCP-807 | SCP-808 » 


Casefile for Simferopol 


THIS DOCUMENT IS CLASSIFIED 


RESTRICTED 
MERCURY 


FILE CONTROL NO.: CDR-4396 #7 
HANDLING OFFICE: DIRECTORATE OF TASK FORCES 


WARNING 


This document is intended for Task Force Mercury personnel eyes 
ONLY. It contains information considered to be sensitive to the 
security of the Foundation and its operations. Contents may not be 
disclosed without specific authorization from the Directorate of Task 
Forces. 


All information concerning Task Force Mercury is CLASSIFIED, and 
restricted to personnel with either Restricted Mercury or Level 4 
clearance. Discussion of any element of the constitution or 
operations of Task Force Mercury will be considered an information 
security breach, and perpetrators will be dealt with accordingly. 


HANDLERS OF THIS DOCUMENT ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR: 


¢ Entering on the form provided their name, ID, clearance, and 
the time and date of retrieval from the handling office, 

¢ Exercising the necessary safeguards for the prevention of the 
inadvertent disclosure of the contents of this document, 


¢ Storing this document as prescribed by Foundation security 
protocols, 
¢ Transferring this document only to those who have received 
clearance from the handling office, 
* Obtaining a receipt when relinquishing possession of this 
document. 


Basic Foundation information security requirements are contained 
within document OMA-1219 (CLASS/FIED DOCUMENTS — 
SECURITY AND YOU, Records and Information Security 
Administration 2008). 


VIOLATION OF FOUNDATION SECURITY PROTOCOL WILL BE 
MET WITH PUNITIVE ACTIONS, UP TO AND INCLUDING: 


¢ Revocation of all security clearances and handling privileges, 
‘ Demotion, 
7 Termination of employment. 


CLASSIFIED DOCUMENTS MAY ONLY BE REPRODUCED WITH 
THE CONSENT OF THE HANDLING OFFICE 


RESTRICTED MERCURY 


ON SECURITY 
ASSURANCES 


Welcoming the accession of Ukraine to the Treaty on the Non- 
Proliferation of Nuclear and Para-scientific Weapons as a non- 
destructive-weapon State, 


Taking into account the commitment of Ukraine to eliminate all 
nuclear and para-scientific weapons from its territory within a 
specified period of time, 


Noting the changes in the world-wide security situation, 
including the end of the cold war, which have brought about 
conditions for deep reductions in nuclear and para-scientific 

forces, 


Confirm the following: 


1. The Russian Federation, the United Kingdom of Great Britain and 
Northern Ireland and the United States of America reaffirm their 
commitment to Ukraine, in accordance with the principles of the 
Final Act of the Conference on Security and Cooperation in Europe, 
to respect the independence and sovereignty and the existing 
borders of Ukraine; 


2. The Russian Federation, the United Kingdom of Great Britain and 
Northern Ireland and the United States of America reaffirm their 
obligation to refrain from the threat or use of force against the 
territorial integrity or political independence of Ukraine, and that 
none of their weapons will ever be used against Ukraine except in 
self-defence or otherwise in accordance with the Charter of the 
United Nations; 


3. The Russian Federation, the United Kingdom of Great Britain and 
Northern Ireland and the United States of America reaffirm their 
commitment to Ukraine, in accordance with the principles of the 
Final Act of the Conference on Security and Cooperation in Europe, 
to refrain from economic coercion designed to subordinate to their 
own interest the exercise by Ukraine of the rights inherent in its 
sovereignty and thus to secure advantages of any kind; 


4. The Russian Federation, the United Kingdom of Great Britain and 
Northern Ireland and the United States of America reaffirm their 
commitment to seek immediate United Nations Security Council 
action to provide assistance to Ukraine, as a State party to the 
Treaty on the Non-Proliferation of Nuclear and Para-scientific 
Weapons, if Ukraine should become a victim of an act of aggression 
or an object of a threat of aggression in which nuclear or para- 
scientific weapons are used; 


5. The Russian Federation, the United Kingdom of Great Britain and 
Northern Ireland and the United States of America reaffirm, in the 


case of Ukraine, their commitment not to use nuclear or para- 
scientific weapons against any State party to the Treaty on the Non- 
Proliferation of Nuclear and Para-scientific Weapons, except in the 
case of an attack on themselves, their territories or dependent 
territories, their armed forces, or their allies, by such a State in 
association or alliance with a nuclear / para-scientific State; 


Ukraine, the Russian Federation, the United Kingdom of Great 
Britain and Northern Ireland, and the United States of America Will 
consult in the event a situation arises that raises a question 
concerning these commitments. 


This Memorandum will become applicable upon signature. 


Signed in four copies having equal validity in the Ukrainian, 
English and Russian languages. 


For Ukraine: 
(Signed) Leonid D. KUCHMA 


For the Russian Federation: 
(Signed) Boris N. YELTSIN 


For the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland: 
(Signed) John MAJOR 


For the United States of America: 
(Signed) William J. CLINTON 


RESTRICTED MERCURY 


RESTRICTED MERCURY 


LEASE OF MILITARY 
FACILITIES 


& INSTALLATIONS 


AGREEMENT 


The agreement reached, being between Ukraine and the S.C.P. 
Foundation for the lease (subject to terms to be agreed upon by the 
two Parties) to the Foundation of military installations and facilities in 
Ukraine for para-scientific containment operations, is declared as 
follows: 


Article | 


Ukraine hereby leases to the S.C.P. Foundation, for the time 
required for the purposes of containment of para-scientific and 
preternatural phenomena, the following areas in Ukraine (refer to 
Addendas | - IV): 


- Described facilities within the 13th Photogrammatic Center of the 
Central Military Topographic and Navigation Administration, 
Simferopol, Crimea (see Addendum 1); 


- Described facilities within Havryshivska airbase, Vinnytsia Oblast 
(see Addendum Il); 


- Described facilities within Bagarovo airbase, Crimea (see 
Addendum III); 


- Described facilities within Chuhuiv airbase, Kharkiv Oblast (see 
Addendum IV); 


- Shestovytsia airbase, Chernihiv Oblast; 
- Konotop airbase, Sumy Oblast; 
- Cherlyany airbase, Lviv Oblast. 


Article Il 


The grant of the foregoing Article shall include the right to do any 
and all things necessary to fit the premises for use as para-scientific 
containment facilities or Foundation operating bases. 


While the Foundation recognizes the sovereignty of the state of 
Ukraine, all areas described within the Article shall fall entirely within 
the jurisdiction of the Foundation, and, for the period agreed upon, 
are not to be considered the sovereign soil of Ukraine. 


For Ukraine: 

(Signed) Leonid D. KUCHMA 
For the S.C.P. Foundation: 
(Signed) Mansfield HART 


RESTRICTED MERCURY 


RESTRICTED MERCURY 


INCIDENT REPORT 
WT-0323 


2014/03/18 
LOCATION: SITE-991 (SIMFEROPOL, CRIMEA) 
ANOMALIES INVOLVED: 


-SCP- [SAFE], 
-SCP- [SAFE], 
-SCP- [SAFE], 


-SCP- [EUCLID], 
-SCP- [SAFE], 


7 ( ’ i 


- Various uncatalogued acquisitions. 


On Thurs. 18 March, unidentified forces approached the Ukrainian 
Army 13th Photogrammatry Center and SITE-991 at approx 15:00 
local time in two (2) unmarked URAL-4320 trucks flying Russian 
Federation flags. Fifteen (15) masked gunmen disembarked from 
the vehicles and approached the gate to the facility, demanding 
entrance. Ukrainian servicemen denied the gunmen entrance to the 
compound and demanded identification. 


The gunmen identified themselves as self-defense forces of the 
Republic of Crimea and demanded full surrender of the base and 
the persons therein. The Ukrainian servicemen again declined to 
admit the individuals into the compound; both parties, respectively, 
assumed threatening postures. 


; , self-defense militiaman, began scaling the perimeter 
fence. Ukrainian servicemen stated and re-iterated that trespassers 
on military premises would be shot. continued to scale the 
fence. , , stationed on a watchtower overlooking the fence, 
opened fire with an automatic rifle, to fatal injury. was then shot 
(also fatally). 


Both parties began to allege the responsibility of the other for the 
incident. Ukrainian servicemen — while monitoring the militiamen 
closely — withdrew, barricading themselves within the installation. 
The militiamen scaled the fence, opened the gate, and took up firing 
positions in the construction site opposite the installation. 


AGENTS , 5 & , having heard gunfire, proceeded to 
contact FOUNDATION OPERATIONAL CONTROL EASTERN 
EUROPE (FOCEE) via phone-line, and, under FOCEE 
recommendation, quit SITE-991 and began negotiations with the 
militiamen. Identifying themselves as Ukrainian servicemen (in 
accordance with Foundation security protocol), the respective 
agents surrendered their sidearms and granted the militamen 
access to SITE-991. The agents stressed de-escalation. 


Special Recovery Team _ investigating uncontained SCP- 
memetic action. 


[CONFIDENTIAL LEVEL 5] 


An unmarked jeep of the UAZ-469 type arrived on site approx. 16:30 
local time; four (4) individuals in Berkut special police uniform, 
wielding AS Val assault-rifles and one (1) VSS Vintorez sniper-rifle, 
disembarked from the vehicle. These individuals identified 
themselves to AGENT as FSB DIVISION P, SPECIAL 
RECOVERY TEAM . The team began removing computer hard 
drives and external harddrives, acquisition containment cells, 


[CONFIDENTIAL LEVEL 5] 


AGENTS , »& were detained, restrained and blindfolded, 
forced into the vehicle, and transported approx. miles from 
SITE-991, where they were transferred to a helicopter, in which they 
were appropriated to , and subjected to an expanded 
interrogation. 


FOCEE containment group continuing classification 
operation 2014/03/19. 


A FOCEE containment group arrived on-site at approx. 17:45 local 
time, and began a classification operation. : 

. The Ukrainian servicemen - 
barricaded in the second story of the nautical building - surrendered 
following the application of aural memetics. Amnestics were 
distributed on-site. 


[CONFIDENTIAL LEVEL 5] 


AGENTS , »& were returned to the Foundation on 
2014/03/26, released from DIVISION P custody at approx 13:00 
local time. All three agents have received two months of paid leave 


and$ , USD as compensation. The FSB has declined to return 
anomalies , , , ,  ,or , however, it has issued a formal 
apology. 


Signed, Agents , »& 


Signed, Director 


RESTRICTED MERCURY 


Cat In A Box 


Alan stumbled through the doorway, tripped, and fell into the foyer 
on his side. 


"Shit! My fucking back!" 


The door slammed behind him and whatever dim light peeking 
through was quickly snuffed. Alan's ragged breath was stunted by 
his lungs breathing the choking particulate within the house. 
Everything was covered in a half inch layer of the fluffy grey dust. 
Not as coarse as ash and not as fine as flour, somewhere in 
between. The air stunk like an old Tupperware container to boot. 


"The hell is this place?" Alan gripped a coat rack to steady himself 
up onto his feet while rubbing his sore left flank. First thing he tried 
was the light switch on the wall, which of course was dead. Not 
surprising at all to Alan. 


«D-3454, do you copy?» 


Alan jumped at the noise before realizing it was the radio on his hip. 
He didn't remember being given that, but that was the least of his 
concern right now. He responded to the scratchy voice. 


"Yeah?" 


«Proceed into the building and report your observation. Instructions 
will follow.» 


"Okay, but it's fucking dark in here. Can't see shit." Alan looked 
down at his arm to notice he was wearing a very plain looking Casio- 
ish watch with no buttons. It wasn't keeping time, but was in 
stopwatch mode. Only 22 seconds were recorded so far. 


«You've been given a small flashlight as well. Should be attached to 
the radio.» 


SCP-808: The Mechanical Choir 


Item #: SCP-808 
Object Class: Euclid 


Special Containment Procedures: SCP-808 is currently unable to 
be moved from its original location. As such, Armed Containment 
Site-27 has been built around the area in which it was found. 


SCP-808 is contained within a six (6) meter by seven (7) meter by 
seventeen (17) meter containment tank. Unit is constructed from ten 
(10) centimeter thick walls of polyvinyl chloride (PVC), covered by 
twenty-five (25) centimeter thick acoustic foam. Furthermore, 
wooden sound dampeners are constructed three (3) meters from the 
container, to further insulate the object. These dampeners are 
susceptible to regular degradation, and as such are to be replaced 
by Class-D personnel.