The html file found through SCP-3697 was removed by the 
Foundation after SCP-3697's discovery, and previously contained 
the following text: 


Holy Heck! You just missed Mr. Sex Number by 
Gamers Against Weed! Should you bother calling back 
later? Who is Dr. Wondertainment? 


Find them all and become Mr. Gamer! 


01. Mr. Literal Serial Killer 

02. Mr. Normie 

03. Mr. Bernie Sanders 

04. Mr. Get Anything For Free In Any Shop 
20. Mr. Sex Number ¥ 

21. Mr. Heavenly Virtues 

22. Mr. Deadly Sins 


23. Mr. Original Character 

24. Mr. D.A.R.E. 

25. Mr. Gentrification 

26. Ms. Mad About Video Games 

27. Mr. Meme 

28. Mr. Ominous (discontinued) 

29. Mr. Destiny 

30. Mr. Monty Python And The Holy Grail 
31. Ms. Zapatista 

32. Mr. Hax 

33. Mr. Just Has The Tattoo 
34. Mr. Top Text and Mr. Bottom Text 
35. Mr. Finale 


Footnotes 
1. This includes indviduals who have no public records or evidence 
of sexual misconduct. 


SCP-3699: Memoirs of a Shingle Beach 


Item #: SCP-3699 
Object Class: Euclid 


Special Containment Procedures: SCP-3699 is to be cordoned off 
from public access, with Foundation personnel on-site to guard a 
perimeter within the marshland behind it. A dedicated taskforce is to 
track down any SCP-3699-1 instances in the possession of civilians 
and retrieve them, applying full amnestics to any civilians aware of 
SCP-3699's or SCP-3699-1's anomalous effects. 


Description: SCP-3699 refers to Cley Beach, Norfolk, England. 
SCP-3699 is a shingle beach, predominantly composed of small 
rocks and stones. SCP-3699's anomalous properties are not 
apparent unless a shingle stone is removed from SCP-3699. These 
stones are henceforth referred to as SCP-3699-1 instances. 


Approximately 10 days after being removed from SCP-3699 by a 
human, SCP-3699-1 instances will begin to vocalise English in a 
"Received Pronounciation" accent, despite possessing no 
mechanisms for speech. SCP-3699-1 instances have been 
described as highly intelligent and articulate, and have proven 
cooperative with Foundation questioning. 


SCP-3699-1 instances are sapient, and possess fully-realised 
personalities and memories. They ordinarily claim to possess names 
traditionally found in England. SCP-3699-1 instances are apparently 
capable of remembering their entire existence as a shingle-rock, 
while also remembering every larger object they were once part of. 


The origin of SCP-3699 is unknown. It is also unknown how 
SCP-3699-1 instances are capable of vocalisation, given how in all 
physical aspects they resemble ordinary pieces of rock. SCP-3699-1 
instances exhibit no other anomalous behaviour. Returning an 
SCP-3699-1 instance to SCP-3699 causes their anomalous 


properties to deactivate, until they are once more removed from 
SCP-3699. 


See below for samples of interviews with SCP-3699-1 instances. 
+Interview 3699-3 


Interviewed: SCP-3699-1-1, who goes by the 
name of "Roderick" and speaks with a male 
voice. 


Interviewer: Dr. Maria F , lead researcher 
on SCP-3699. 


Foreword: This interview was conducted 
22/06/20 . 


<Begin Log> 


Dr.F =: Could you tell us a little about 
yourself, please? 


SCP-3699-1-1: By all means. My name is 
Roderick. | am a small shingle stone. There 
isn't really very much to say about me beyond 
that. | first became me several hundred years 
ago, when a rock hit my mother. It was mildly 
traumatic, to say the least. 


Dr. F : ... Your mother? 


SCP-3699-1-1: Yes. Well, an approximation 
thereof. | mean the larger rock from which | 
was chipped off. | used to be her, and have 
memories of being her. It's a strange life, being 
a pebble of good breeding. 


Dr. F :/...see. 


SCP-3699-1-1: This must sound very strange 
to you. | apologise. You have all been so 
hospitable here. | don't want to alarm you with 


what must seem to be deviant practices. 


Dr.F —: Er, no, no, not at all... tell me about 
your life since then. How did you end up at 
Cley? 


SCP-3699-1-1: Oh, | couldn't possibly tell you 
all about it. I've been tossed onto shores all 
across the oceans. I've been swallowed by 
whales, spat out into Pacific waters, lain 
untouched on the shores of Africa, Asia, Peru. 
I've been skimmed over the waves by 
peasant-boys in medieval France, wedged into 
miniature sand-pavilions in 17th-century Siam, 
tossed to and fro along the sea. Most of the 
time, it's pretty boring. 


Dr.F =: And have you always been able to, 
erm, think? 


SCP-3699-1-1: Oh, | believe so. | remember 
so many things. Being wedged into the side of 
a wooden boat- the Mary-Rose, | think it was 
called. It sank, of course, and | along with it. 
Like a stone. Hah. 


Dr.F : When did you first arrive at Cley 
Beach? 


SCP-3699-1-1: Oh... several years ago now, | 
think. | can't remember the date precisely- you 
know how it is with these things. It's a nice 
place to live. We talk, debate, discuss good 
literature and where the best waters are. We 
count the stars, and remember when we... 
when we were them. Out in the void. 


| do apologise, Doctor- I'm feeling a little tired. 
Being a stone gets a little tiring after a while, 
you see. Could | take a rest? 


<End Log> 
+Interview 3699-18 


Interviewed: SCP-3699-1-2, who goes by the 
name of "Maud" and speaks with a female 
voice. 


Interviewer: Dr. F 


Foreword: This interview was conducted 
03/01/20 . 


<Begin Log> 


Dr.F =: Could you tell us a little about what 
you are? 


SCP-3699-1-2: Well, that seems like an 
awfully personal question. But | suppose that 
your intentions are pure. | am a small rock. 


Dr.F _: 1 was, erm, more referring to the fact 
that you're different from the other rocks. 


SCP-3699-1-2: Am |? Well, a girl does like to 
be complimented, but perhaps save that for 
the second date. 


Dr.F  :...Let's change the subject. 


SCP-3699-1-2: A splendid idea, my dear. So, 
have you ever been in love? 


Dr.F  :Wh-er, yes. |am married. 


SCP-3699-1-2: Ah, but your human coupling is 
so straightforward. It’s different for a small 
rock. You see, we are inanimate objects, 
which means that our love-life is entirely 
dependent upon random chance and 
circumstance. 


Dr. F : Sometimes | think ours is as well. 


SCP-3699-1-2: Hah! Perhaps you are right. 
Well, it is worse for us, I'm afraid, and mine is 
a sad tale. 


Many years ago, when | was younger and my 
surfaces less smooth, | found myself being 
tossed to and fro by fierce waves. It was 
somewhere off the coast of Spain, | think, and 
| ended up being tossed onto a beach in the 
Basque Country. Well, | wasn’t overly happy 
about this predicament. I’m not really one for 
sitting still. It’s an inconvenient habit when 
you're a rock. 


But then! Out of nowhere, the sea tosses over 
this limpet-shell, right on top of me. It was love 
at first sight. She was called Simone, and she 
was beautiful. 


Dr. F : You mean- you can talk, even when 
you haven't come from Cley Beach? 


SCP-3699-1-2: Oh yes. Only to one another, 
though. You lot can’t hear us normally. You 
can’t hear sea-shells either, but | don’t blame 
you. They have odd sounding voices. Very... 
curved, for want of a better word. Do you 
understand? 


Dr.F — : 1 think so. What was special about 
this seashell, then? 


SCP-3699-1-2: Oh, what a gorgeous creature 
she was. The limpet had died ages ago, so 
she was free, and happy. She’d fallen on top 
of me, and stayed there. Oh, the times we had! 
We discussed theology, history, the works of 
Sartre. She loved surrealist art, whereas | 
always preferred cubism. I’ve never met a 


seashell who was as brilliant, well-educated 
and serene. 


She always knew just how to keep me calm 
and sane, even when we were in danger of 
being washed away. We clung together in our 
little embrace for decades, laughing and 
talking and loving one another. It was perfect. 


Dr.F =: ...So what happened? 


SCP-3699-1-2: What always happens to us 
and ours. She was washed away. | wept for a 
week, hoping she’d return, but she never did. | 
was buried beneath the shingle for another 
year after that, before | was swept away too. | 
never saw her again- and if she’s even still 
alive, | likely never will. 


Mine is a sad song. But now | am here, in the 
company of a beautiful woman. It got lonely, 
on the beach, you know. Listening to the 
constant chatter of the land-dwellers and 
newcomers. | much prefer it here. 


Dr. F : ...| think we'd better leave it there. 
<End Log> 
+Interview 3699-26 


Interviewed: SCP-3699-1-1, SCP-3699-1-2, 
SCP-3699-1-3 (who goes by the name of 
"Christine" and speaks with a female voice) 
and SCP-3699-1-4 (who goes by the name of 
"Nigel" and speaks with a male voice). 


Interviewer: Dr. F 


Foreword: This interview was conducted 
29/11/20 . 


<Begin Log> 


Dr.F =: So, of all of the places you have 
visited, which do you prefer? 


SCP-3699-1-2: Cadiz was nice. 


SCP-3699-1-3: Ah, Cadiz! | remember the 
ships there. Coming in and out, towering over 
me. Things were different then. 


SCP-3699-1-2: Yes, they were. Waters were 
purer. People were more civilised. 


SCP-3699-1-4: No they weren’t! | remember 
what was on some of those ships. 


SCP-3699-1-1: Well, at least they were more 
civilised towards us. 


SCP-3699-1-2: Oh yes. 
SCP-3699-1-4: Quite. 


SCP-3699-1-3: They didn’t pollute the 
beaches with their bags and litter. 


SCP-3699-1-4: Urgh, yes. So vulgar. Metal 
cans clanking about the place. 


SCP-3699-1-2: And the chips... 


SCP-3699-1-3: Oh God, yes, the chips! Makes 
the seagulls flock around in their squawking. 
So vulgar. 


SCP-3699-1-2: Disgraceful. 


SCP-3699-1-3: It's a good thing we ended up 
at Cley, you know. Not as many people to 
bother us. 


While the effects of SCP-480 are undeniably 
distressing for those observing former co- 
workers, the correlation between presence of 
test subjects and reduced instances of 
containment breaches requires that personnel 
who would be lost to the Foundation in any 
subsequent scenario be employed to reduce 
risk to unaffected staff. 


For record keeping purposes, personnel who 
are affected by SCP-480 are to be immediately 
considered deceased. 


+ Addendum 480-3 
Addendum 480-3: Recorded results of SCP-480 events 


Incident Subject; Descriptio Length of 


Time before 
Expiration of 
Subject 
Incident D-84116 First scenario Eight weeks, 
480-3 consists of | three days, 
subject four hours 
describing 
being held in 
Site-415 per 
standard 
routine. No 
other 


personnel or 
test subjects 
are present in 
Site-415. 
Subject 
describes 
being stalked 
by an invisible 
presence, 
losing 
consciousness 


SCP-3699-1-2: Well, there is the constant 
chatter of newcomers. You know what they're 
like. The humans can't hear them yet, of 
course, but some stones never listen to what 
their elders and betters tell them, so they witter 
on regardless. 


SCP-3699-1-3: Quite! The humans can't hear 
them unless they're off the beach. Dozy bunch 
of shale. They hear of Cley's reputation and 
they come here, pig-ignorant, and quite spoil 
the place for the rest of us with their inane 
babble! 


SCP-3699-1-4: Shocking. Simply shocking. 


SCP-3699-1-3: Mind you... there are some 
good things about the modern day. 


SCP-3699-1-2: That’s true. Fewer shipwrecks. 


SCP-3699-1-1: Yes, they were always nasty. 
The sight of the bodies, the stench of the 
water... the fear in their glassy eyes... 


SCP-3699-1-3: The ones who lived were the 
worst. 


SCP-3699-1-1: The way they’d linger. 


SCP-3699-1-4: And the rocks are different too. 
Not so craggy. 


SCP-3699-1-3: Less blood. 
SCP-3699-1-2: More! 


SCP-3699-1-3: No, less. Maybe more gets in 
the water, but it’s not the same. It’s not like the 
rivers that would flow in devotion to some 
pagan deity. The blood of sacrifice. 


SCP-3699-1-2: Of faith and war. 
SCP-3699-1-1: Yes. Of faith and war. 


SCP-3699-1-4: Skies are still the same, 
though. 


SCP-3699-1-3: Indeed. The same greyness in 
the clouds. The same slightness as the sun 
shines through it. 


SCP-3699-1-1: Same darkness in the shadow 
of the sun. 


SCP-3699-1-3: Ah, we are old my dears, we 
are old. 


SCP-3699-1-2: As old as the universe. 


SCP-3699-1-1: Older, maybe. Memories get 
fuzzy around then. 


SCP-3699-1-4: Yes. The same memories. 
SCP-3699-1-1: Forever. 
<End Log> 
+Interview 3699-31 
Interviewed: SCP-3699-1-1. 
Interviewer: Dr. F 


Foreword: This interview was conducted 
31/12/20 . 


<Begin Log> 
Dr.F =: What is your earliest memory? 


SCP-3699-1-1: My earliest? Well, that’s a hard 
thing to work out. My earliest in my current 


form, do you mean? 


Dr.F : No, 1! meant the earliest memory of 
any form. Going back as far as possible. 


SCP-3699-1-1: Ah, well, that’s tougher. Things 
get so... mixed-up when you go that far back. | 
was me, and before that a larger rock, and 
then a larger, a larger, and so on. All the way 
back to the greatest rock of all; the earth. 


Dr.F  : The earth? You remember being the 
earth? 


SCP-3699-1-1: Oh yes. We all do. Most of us 
are from her originally, though there are plenty 
of space-rocks and moon-chips too. It was a 
good time. I-we-hurtled through space with the 
force of a thousand suns. | was on fire, burning 
through the heavens. Great startling lines and 
shapes of colour and fury went passed me. No 
life back then; just the roar, the endless roar as 
we plummeted through the cosmos. | was 
vast, limitless, glorious. And now I’m a small 
pebble. Funny how things work out. 


Dr.F :Do you remember being anything 
before the earth? 


SCP-3699-1-1: Larger rocks. Parts of separate 
rocks, merged together in the fire. Little rocks 
in between. Mostly... mostly | just remember 
fire and darkness, endlessly cycling together. | 
was many rocks. I... I’m sorry. This is proving 
hard to remember. 


Dr.F —: Just take your time. What is the very 
earliest thing you can remember? Before all of 
this? 


SCP-3699-1-1: |... there... there was one. Just 


one. Without knowledge or light or life. 
Compressed into a single instant. Forever, 
until suddenly it wasn’t forever. And | 
remember... 


I'm sorry, doctor. This is all hard to recall. A lot 
of our free time is spent gazing upwards, at the 
fires and lights in the sky, remembering when 
we were all together. We sometimes sit at 
twilight, just trying to make everything out ina 
time we barely recall... 


Dr.F — : It's alright. Take your time. 


SCP-3699-1-1: | remember... before. The 
ghosts. The things before matter. |... I... 


No. | don’t recollect anything. It’s not even a 
memory, you see. It’s just a- a feeling, you 
know? Like it’s on the tip of your tongue, but 
you can’t quite recall. Something different. 
Something strange. Something that was once, 
and will be again. 


Dr.F =: Will be again? 


SCP-3699-1-1: |... I'm sorry, doctor. | think 
we'll have to end it here. 


<End Log> 


Articles 3700-3799 


SCP-3700: Tides Of War 


Item #: SCP-3700 
Object Class: Hiemal 


Special Containment Procedures: Foundation Naval Task Force 
Delta-7 ("Northern Storm") is currently assigned to patrol an area 
800 km in diameter encompassing the Orkney, Shetland, and Faroe 
Archipelagos in the North Sea. 2 refurbished battleships, purchased 
from the United States military, have been assigned to this task 
force.! 13 destroyers, 5 cruisers, and 15 smaller support craft? are 
to accompany these vessels. Delta-7 has been instructed to patrol in 
a Spiral pattern, moving outwards from a central pre-determined 
location, known as the Origin. This pattern is to be maintained until 
Delta-7 either encounters SCP-3700-1, or reaches the edge of the 
designated 800 km zone wherein they will return to the origin and 
begin the process again.