Agent Shen shrugged. “They wanted you to go in with a blank slate. 
More genuine reaction. You focus on observing some things, while | 
keep track of others. Fuller report.” He paused in his apple peeling, 
and frowned a bit when the slice didn’t carve evenly. He shrugged 
when he noticed Riven staring. “I’m better with turnips.” 


“... turnips?” 
“Yes. Turnips.” 


There was a resulting silence that could be considered comfortable. 
Riven still felt like he had much more to say, though Shen looked 
perfectly happy to resume carving the apple into little rabbits without 
a word. 


The lack of noise got to Riven. And frankly, he was curious. “Hey, 
Tai?” 


“Yeah?” The agent flicked a bit of apple skin off the knife’s blade. 


Riven couldn’t help but ask. “What was your favorite thing from the 
museum?” 


Shen grinned, and for once it didn’t look like it took an effort. There 
was a hint of wistfulness in the expression. “The phoenix. Did | ever 


tell you | minored in Art History?” 


A Sort of Challenge 


It was eight in the morning and researcher Riven Mercer was on fire. 


That fact was probably something he should be more worried about, 
he thought to himself as he walked a pace and a half to his right and 
reached for the cold water tap of the lab sink. It was just too damn 
early to be in the experimental rooms. Dunking his now gently- 
smoking lab coat sleeve into the stream of icy water, Riven leveled 
an unamused glare at the lava-burping rainbow lorikeet sitting on a 
perch a few feet away. The bird had the cheek to blink innocently 
back at him. Riven caved and reached over to ruffle the bird's head 
feathers before he looked over his lab notes. "There's a good birdie." 


Maybe he’d be more impressed if he hadn’t seen that tortoise with a 
shell that could be used as a barbecue grill. That was part of the 
cache from six months ago. 


Grabbing a pen and scribbling down a series of observations about 
the bird, Riven glanced warily at said bird and wondered if he should 
relocate to the combustion lab in case lava wasn’t the only thing the 
lorikeet could barf out. He flipped through the initial data collections: 
the bird’s diet wasn’t anything out of the ordinary, but it was 
reputedly brought to the mainland after being purchased somewhere 
near a Hawaiian volcano from someone shady-looking... okay what 
the hell, the bird was coughing up black pellets onto the 
experimental lab floor. 


Riven put down the notes and dove for the broom and dustpan. 


It was nine-thirty in the morning and Riven had found a new intern to 
watch (observe, engage in experimental scrutiny with, poke until 
something interesting happened, etc.) the bird. Riven was now 
sitting in the spare room adjacent to the experimental labs, sipping 
from a cup of tea (lukewarm, getting colder by the second) and 
reading through the current list of anomalous items assigned to 


Kiryu Labs. 


The bird was something Mark had been nice enough to assign to 
him, Riven thought. He liked animals. He’d studied behavioral 
biology, and his eventual doctorate (courtesy of accelerated 
Foundation programs) would be about that topic. Level-2 
researchers were rarely given charge of creatures that merited 
special containment, so being able to study the less-dangerous 
animal anomalies was something Riven constantly looked forward 
to. 


The door opened, and Agent Tai Yang Shen walked in. Riven made 
eye contact and suppressed the subconscious urge to spit out the 
tea in his mouth so he could ask if it was time to go on another 
offsite field trip. Agent Shen rarely, if ever, showed up at the Labs, 
and when he did show up, it meant an interesting assignment 
outside the experimental rooms. 


“Did Mark page you?” Shen eventually asked. Riven shook his head 
and mentally cataloged the agent’s appearance: plain slacks, white 
collared jacket, light briefcase... Maybe they were headed to an 
anomalous bank? Or some corporate agency? Would he get to go 
undercover? He'd never gone on an undercover outing! Maybe he'd 
have an alias and alternate identity and everything! 


Shen was sporting a small, though rather amused grin when he 
handed Riven a sheet of paper. It appeared to be a printout of a 
transcripted note. “You should read this before you ask any 
questions.” 


READ ME IF YOU DARE 


This is a message to all of you that work at SCP, as a 
sort of challenge. 


My name is the Grinner, and | am an "anomaly" of sorts. 
For you see, | devour the flesh of any creature with a 
heart beat, and it has led to the deaths of hundreds upon 
thousands of people, luckily at times where war was 
afoot. But | digress, | will continue to devour the flesh 
until my untimely capture. 


Perhaps, | should enlighten you on what | am, as a way 
of making things easier for you scientists, if | am 
captured. I'm 10 feet tall, and my neck is bulbous in size, 
and about 4 feet long. | appear to wear a mask with a 
huge grin on it (it's pure white, and is my face). | speak 
through my teeth eloquently, and only open my maw 
when consuming flesh. | am not satisfied until my face 
becomes completely red and dripping with crimson. | 
have massive fists for mashing and smashing, but a 
small set of legs. Oh, | forgot to mention, | also have a 
long, black mane! It's quite luscious, | assure you. 


But to make things quick, since it's almost time for my 
2:30 meal, | leave you with this: If you dare to find me, 
you'll have to search all of canada, and pray that you 
have some powerful tranquilizers, unless you really want 
me to feed so badly. 


Sincerely, The Grinner. 


“So we’re looking for a reverse T-rex with a thing for face paint?” 
Riven flipped the sheet over, then flipped back to the note and 
scanned it again. “Well, they signed it ‘sincerely’. | suppose that’s 
got to count for something.” 


“That letter is actually about ten meters long,” Shen opened the 
briefcase and took out a series of photographs, handing them over 
to Riven. “It was found by Foundation recon during a routine sweep. 
There’s an old abandoned office building a few kilometers from the 
site, and the entire parking lot was turned into a calling card.” 


Riven stared at the photos. It looked like a preschooler the size of a 
building had scrawled giant letters across the formerly neatly- 
partitioned lot, in what looked like dried glue. “Did anyone run 
analysis on the area? What the writing ink stuff was, or if there was 
any other evidence left at the scene?” 


Shen nodded. “The writing was done entirely in some sort of opaque 
white substance, similar in chemical composition to, well, snail 
slime. We’re not sure how long it had been sitting there, but the 
team that discovered it put a tarp over the words so we don't get 


curious helicopters landing near the suspicion area.” 


Flipping through the photos again, Riven spoke up, “So how does 
Kiryu Labs relate to this thing?” 


“A secondary team was sent out to scout the area. They’ve identified 
a building with trace residue at the entrance and a few inner rooms. 
That residue matches the samples collected from the giant parking 
lot letter.” Shen took the photos back and closed the briefcase. 
“Infrared scans are pretty inconclusive at the moment, but there’s 
some sort of entity in the building. It’s small, but it’s there.” 


“So both of us are being sent in?” 


Shen sat down on one of the sofas. “Yes. You’ve done some good 
animal behavior work and your biology background makes you ideal 
for this task.” The agent glanced at his watch. “You’ve got half an 
hour to come up with a list of sedatives and any other equipment 
you think you'll need. I'll wait here for the moment, but remember—” 


Riven was halfway out the door. “Gotcha. I'll be back with five 
minutes to spare, Tai.” 


“—to pack light.” Shen watched the door swing shut. 


Twenty minutes later, Riven was staring at a row of syringes neatly 
arranged by dosage on the lab bench in front of him. Tai had even 
provided a handy carrying case for the capped needles, clearly, the 
man had access to all kinds of strange things. Foundation gear 
could be oddly specific. 


Riven would later find out that he did not need an alias for the 
assignment. This disappointed him somewhat, but he was given a 
just-in-case cover story: he was an environmental specialist 
traveling with his entrepreneur friend Shen to “inspect” the 
abandoned office facility. 


Riven began to consider all sorts of potential dialogues until Shen 
told him that it wasn’t likely they’d encounter any other humans. So 
Riven switched to rehearsing in his head rather than out loud. He 


also thought it was a little unfair that Shen got to carry a Taser and 
he didn’t. Then again, Riven had enough sedative in his pockets to 
knock out a small herd of elephants. 


The transport dropped Riven and Agent Shen off at the very edge of 
the abandoned office complex’s parking lot. The tarp stretched over 
the message to the Foundation was an off-yellow, boring, and 
probably doing its job well. 


“We’re looking for the main center plaza,” Shen said as he began to 
walk towards the offices. “Let me know if you start seeing anything 
weird.” 


“Sure. | brought my field kit, so | can nab some samples if we have 
the time.” Riven increased his stride slightly to match the agent's. He 
began to notice that Shen was paying more and more attention to 
the ground than the old, worn-out buildings they were walking 
amongst. 


After about five minutes of staring at Shen staring at the sidewalk, 
Riven began to spot patches of shining pale mass, crystallized an 
amorphous, glossy white and gleaming in the sunlight of late 
afternoon. “We're close?” he asked. 


Shen bent down and examined a patch of dried slime, eyes 
following a splattered pattern further on. “It looks like a trail begins 
near those double doors.” 


“Old places like these give me the creeps,” Riven confided as he 
and Shen stalked through the remains of old filing cabinets, shelving 
units, and rickety tables. Mildew speckled the walls, and Riven 
stepped away from Shen at the moment to examine a small patch of 
mold that looked like it had been scraped at. “So much for the eating 
human flesh bit. If there’s anything alive and eating here, it’s gotta 
be an herbivore. The most it’d find around here is maybe the odd 
mushroom.” 


“That’s reassuring,” Shen replied evenly as he used his foot to scuff 
at a patch of slime. It made an unpleasant sucking sound. “Hmm.” 


The faint shafts of sunlight filtering in through the dusty windows 
cast the room in a greyish sort of haze, and Riven paused in his 
somewhat-dazed examination of a withered office plant. “Is that...?” 


Shen was using a silver-colored stick-like implement (probably the 
latest in Foundation investigative poking-tech) to jab at the mucus. 
Unlike the dried and slightly crumbling remains they had 
encountered before, this blob was softer, and gave way. “I think 
we're close.” 


The trail of fresh off-white mucus grew thicker down the hallway, and 
about three-fourths of the way through veered off sharply into one of 
the adjoining rooms. 


“I’ve notified a backup team to be on standby,” Shen whispered as 
they slowly approached the open door. He was slipping his phone 
back into his pocket. “If I’m not out in ten minutes, leave the 
building.” 


Shit, | hope it never comes to that. Foundation protocol is scary 
sometimes, Riven thought as he nodded in reply to Shen. Shen’s 
probably said that line a million times, though. | wonder if he ever 
thinks he won't actually make it out. 


The agent slipped into the room on silent feet, walking smoothly as if 
he had every reason to be in an old abandoned office complex. 
Riven waited. 


There was a muffled squeal and a slightly wet sounding squishing, 
as if someone had stepped in a bucket of far-too-overripe fruit. 
Riven shuddered and patted the pocket his case of syringes was in. 
He waited a few heartbeats more. There was a muffled noise of 
surprised, and a single spoken “huh.” 


Riven decided he was done waiting. “Shen? You there?” He called 
cautiously into the hallway. 


“Normally, I'd tell you never to reveal yourself unless told to, but | 
think you should just come in.” To Riven’s relief, Shen sounded as 
unruffled as ever. “Our terrifying monster was, ah, a bit 


exaggerated.” 


Riven dashed into the room and paused when he saw its anomalous 
occupant. 


Shen wasn’t quite kidding. The entity they both were looking at 
seemed more like an overgrown garden slug with stubby legs than 
what Riven had been expecting—though it seemed like the 
statement about the four-foot long neck was accurate, at least. It 
was a dull, pasty white, and the face at the end of the neck was 
smooth and featureless, save two eyes and a mouth. When on its 
feet with its neck low as it was currently standing, it barely came up 
to Riven’s knees. 


Upon Riven’s sudden appearance, the creature reared up in alarm, 
surprising Shen into reaching for his Taser, when it screeched in a 
slightly gargled-sounding voice, “You'll never take me alive!” and 
attempted to throw itself out the nearest window. Its neck prevented 
it from getting far. Apparently, Riven deduced, speaking long vowels 
with its mouth open caused its neck to inflate rapidly. The creature 
unbalanced itself and flopped over backwards, deflating rather 
sullenly as it lay on the ground. 


Agent Shen poked it with his foot. “Are you really this alleged 
Grinner?” 


The creature burbled something resentful, and then replied, “No. 
That’s my big brother. He’s the rea/ Grinner. He’s real. He’s going to 
come and eat you all. Be scared.” 


Riven and Shen exchanged looks. 


Rocking itself from side to side, the creature struggled to right itself 
back onto its stubby appendages. “You'll be sorry you messed with 
me. I’m dangerous too.” Fluid was leaking from its eyes and dripping 
into a sloppy, soggy puddle near its face. 


Shen opened his mouth to speak, but Riven beat him to it. He 
stepped smoothly in front of the sluglike entity and made a show of 
uncapping one of the syringes he was given. “Okay, if you’re the 
Grinner’s little brother, we’re going to need to take you into custody. 


If you cooperate, | won’t have to use this.” He shook the syringe so 
the fluid within sloshed noticeably. 


There was a shriek and the creature’s neck began to inflate again. 
Riven put the needle away, glanced at Shen (the Agent nodded), 
and continued, “You’re a danger to the human race, and it’s our job 
to protect them. And we're going to find your brother too, and give 
him a serious talk about threatening people.” 


The creature deflated again. It lay on its side and sniffled a bit. 
“You’d better find him.” 


It took all of one and a half minutes for the backup team to arrive. It 
took half a minute for them to restrain and sedate the alleged 
Grinner’s little brother, and twenty minutes to haul it out of the 
building and into the waiting transport. Apparently it was much 
heavier and slimier than it looked. 


“Your perseverance with this case was appreciated,” Shen 
commented afterward as he and Riven raided the Kiryu Labs’ not- 
so-secret spare room snack stash. Riven was chomping his way 
through a bag of cookies while Shen, health nut that he was, peeled 
a tangerine. The mission debriefing hadn't taken long at all, and now 
the two of them had about an hour or so before they needed to 
report for further instruction regarding the entity now in Foundation 
custody. 


“Do you think the Grinner actually exists? Or that there’s actually a 
big brother involved?” Riven asked as he brushed some crumbs off 
his sleeve.