But the man's expression only darkened. "Don't fucking 
lie to me, you little shit. | know my girlfriend when | see 
her." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a knife. 
Distantly | heard the panicked exclamations of 
passersby. It all seemed so far away. "I'm tired of your 
shit. Step away from Jasmine." 


Sweat trickled down my face as | swung my gaze from 
the man to Nicole. Why wasn't she saying anything? | 
reached out my hand to comfort her, to try to coax some 
words from her. Too late, | registered the snarl of anger 
and the glint of the knife blade flashing towards me. 


And then | died. 


(Solved!) 


Round 15: Davsto 


| walked through the forest. The red sky of dawn shone 
through the trees. The forest was lush and green, with 
moss growing up the trunks and animals everywhere. It 
was if no human had been here for years. | stopped to 
admire the reflection of the sky in a shimmering lake. 


That lake. 
Oh God. 


| had to do it. Years ago. | was walking with a friend of 
mine, an old friend I’d known for years, and her son. | 
knew what | was going to do. | needed to do it. There 
was a struggle, a splash, tears, and then nothing but 
ripples on the surface of the water. | had walked away, 
alone. 


| sat down with my head in my hands and wept as the 
memories came back to me and guilt overrode all my 
other emotions. 


But | hadn’t done it properly, had |? It hadn’t gone quite 
right. And there was no-one here to do it with now. | ran 
and jumped, and felt the cold water stiffen my body and 
fill my lungs. | reflexively flailed, trying to escape. My 
throat tightened in the cold, and gradually my struggling 
slowed to a stop. 


And then | died. 
(Solved!) 


Round 16: sirpudding 


He handed me my business card, | read it, and then we 
all got to talking. 


"So, | went to high school in Minnesota." 


"Yeah, that's right." 


"| had a girlfriend named Stacy." 
"Cindy." 
"Stacy." 


"Cindy was a girl | dated once, but Stacy and | were 
pretty serious through college." 


"Yeah, | remember that." 

"| hate bananas." 
"Definitely." 

"My dad worked at a factory." 
"Yeah, a factory." 

"Mom taught middle school." 
"Kindergarten." 

"Middle school." 
"Kindergarten." 


"She taught kindergarten for a couple of years, but then 
got a job at the middle school; seventh grade." 


"Sure, that's right." 

"My first job was a car wash." 
"McDonalds." 

"No, it was the Wash 'N Go." 

"It was definitely McDonalds." 
"lL agree with me," | said. 


"Same here," says another me and that's how it started. 


It got pretty ugly there for a while. | vandalized their 
Facebook. They spread horrible rumors about me at 
work. | got some of them arrested. 


Early one morning | woke up. My hands and feet were 
duct taped together and my mouth was taped shut. 
Some of them were there and started talking to me about 
that first job. Well, after | heard all the details, | 
remembered | was right and | totally had worked first at 
the Wash 'N Go. 


And then | died. 


(Unsolved!) 


Round 17: sirpudding 


"Well, it's been a pleasure", | typed, pressed enter, and 
then closed the chat window. Nothing to do now, but 
wait. 


| took out my pill case and shook out a big pink hexagon 
with an "F" printed on it. As | reached for my glass of 
water, | changed my mind and tossed the pill in the trash. 
I'm not going to have to remember for very long, 
regardless. 


| heard the door of the lab open. Somebody was loudly 
weeping nearby. A long orange furred arm holding a 
bottle poked in. "Zack, we were going up to the roof to 
watch. You wanna come? I've been saving this 60 year 
old single malt. No occasion more special than this", he 
said. 


"Yeah, Jack. | think | will. Sounds better than sitting here 
and watching this duplicitous mutt." 


Up on the roof, as | split the bottle with an orangutan, we 
watched a couple of people jump. Nearby, somebody 
was playing a violin and a couple was slow dancing to it. 


Then Jack pointed up, with a beatific expression full of 
awe and sorrow and | followed his finger. Up in the sky 
the stars were winking out as though a shadow were 
passing over them. 


And then | died. 


(Solved!) 


Round 18: rumetzen 


The day had been good to us. Through a crack in the 
ice, we had been able to ambush a large group of prey, 
and gorged ourselves for the first time in months. The 
little ones, always eager to learn, had even managed to 
catch a few for themselves under our watchful eyes. 
Now, our bellies full, we drifted through the waters. My 
mate swam by, her song echoing through the sea. 


A noise came from the side. Turning, | saw, in the 
distance, something large and white cutting across the 
surface of the water, a stream of bubbles trailing behind 
it. With a kick of my tail, a surged forward to get a closer 
look at this strange visitor. My mate called to me, 
nervous, but | ignored her and swam on. 


The creature was like none other | had seen in these 
waters. Almost as long as | and several times as broad, 
the only part of it that moved as it swam was a small tail 
in the back. It swam slowly, and didn’t turn or move away 
as | approached, as if it didn’t even notice my presence. 
Curious, | swam up to give it a nudge. 


And then | died. 


(Unsolved!) 


Round 19: djkaktus 


After my parents split up, my mom and | moved to 
Kansas because her parents lived there. | love my nan 
and pap, but goddamn if it wasn't the most dull 
experience of my life. School hadn't started yet, | didn't 
know anyone in town, and my only familial relations were 
either working all the time or geriatric. 


That's why | got the job at the restaurant. It was only a 
temporary gig, | figured a week or so, while | was waiting 
for a position to open up at the company my pap used to 
work at. He had some strings to pull and the job there 
paid better. My mom was supportive throughout the 
whole thing, told me I'd make friends pretty easily. 


It was one of those old fashioned places, like you see in 
the movies? | think my mom thought I'd be making 
friends my own age, but that was a joke. Nobody who 
frequented that place was under the age of sixty. 
Pleasant enough people, though. | enjoyed myself there. 


On my last day of work, they were doing some work on 
the front doors and had us closed for a few hours before 
dinner. | was cleaning the counter and noticed some kind 
of commotion outside. Didn't understand why anybody 
would want to make a big deal about it; it was only for a 
few hours. 


| hear a crash from the back and saw that Julio had just 
collapsed on the floor. As | was running back to help him 
up, | eyed a container of bleach sitting on the shelf. | was 
thirsty, | realized, so | took a drink. Took a couple of 
drinks, actually, then passed it to Amy and she finished 
the bottle. Helped myself to a brick of soap after that. 
Can't tell you why. 


Anyway, and then | died. 
(Solved!) 


Round 20: spacecadet 


It's early in the day, | think, when the colonel comes in 
asking my authorization for the latest plan. 


| don't really follow the details. And | don't really have to. 
At this point there's just enough left of my mind that | 
know how much of it is gone forever. The colonel is 
really running the show, because | can't. Even as a 
young woman our mission would have been an 
intolerable strain, and | haven't been young for many, 
many years. How old? At least twenty years older than 
the colonel, who himself would have been ordered to 
mandatory retirement under the old order. 


| let my mind wander again as the colonel talks about 
Cernekov radiation this and anamolous semicrystalline 
condensates that. | go back to them. Back to my 
husband and children. | like best to remember the kids 
how they were in good health, not so much at the end. 
We tried to have more, of course. 


The colonel interrupts my thoughts by asking for my 
formal approval. | make a noise that he interprets as 
assent, and sign the paper he presents. He tells me, as 
always, that this time he thinks we'll get the bastards. 

| go back in my head to my family. 

Soon even that becomes impossible. 

And then | died. 


(Unsolved!) 


Round 21: Decibelles 


We had sailed back from the Callahan-Willow Sector, from the 


galaxy previous. After several ordeals resulting in battered men ina 
battered ship, we were all relieved to head back into Earth's major 
port for repairs. A long journey was coming to an end, and maybe 
this time, we would be able to rest for a few months more before 
heading off again. 


No sooner had we sailed near the Moon than we heard the calls 
from a barbaric sort of group. Their ship was approaching ours, and 
though they did not raise their weapons, they had put on an aura of 
intimidation, and the attempts to reach us via communications had 
left us thoroughly puzzled. 


"Can you make it out, Captain?" the young lad questioned. | let the 
words flow through my ears as | looked through the references on- 
hand, trying to decipher what | could. 


"It's some sort of ancient, near-extinct dialect. Given the language 
and the materials their ship are made out of indicates that they have 
been around for far longer than expected... and potentially easy to 
overcome." They had all looked at me with doubt and surprise in 
their eyes, but | know my men and their capabilities. It would be 
nothing for them, even in our condition. 


We sent out two pods of men to their ship, and | had elected to 
follow them. The combined firepower we carried would most 
certainly prove to be enough to take down theirs, and we would 
return home with more than we had set out for. The brutes had even 
seemed to take no mind in us approaching and safely going onto 
their ship, despite the differences in technology. 


As we approached the group waiting for us, it struck me that they 
were made entirely of some type of earthenware, one | had rarely 
been able to view up close at home. It was exotic, and the fact that 
they were animate no less... it made me lose my train of thought. 
There was no time to admire these wonders, however. As their 
supposed general finished speaking, | nodded to my right-hand shot, 
and he raised his weapon and blasted the man's head into pieces. 


The next thing | felt immediately was a blade traveling through and 
out my stomach. | only had time to look down at it for a brief second 
before all sound and light drained from me. 


And then | died. 


(Solved!) 


Round 22: minmin 


| begin to smell the incense and know that they've started for real. 
My eyes are blindfolded, but firelight peeks in through the edges. 
Though | can feel the weight of the ornaments in my hair - solid gold, 
no doubt - the cloth of the blindfold is rough, almost like tree bark. 
Idly, | wonder if they couldn’t have at least prepared something more 
comfortable. At any rate, it’s too late for complaining now. 


The stone beneath me is cold, but not unpleasant. | trace the ridges 
with my index finger, feeling familiar patterns I’d only ever been 
allowed to see, not touch. The sensation is strangely 
underwhelming. Is this it? Can this be it? 


Will they miss me? 


There’s a voice above me. It’s not mom’s or dad’s. Drier. Older. | 
recognize it as the elder’s, rising and falling in a gentle cadence of 
archaic syllables. | used to be scared of this when | was younger, 
clinging tightly to mother as the elder rolled his eyes and chanted 
and chanted and rocked back and forth. Yet today it is somehow 
familiar. Comforting. Perhaps it is the spirits at work. Perhaps it is 
the incense. 


Even though my vision is mostly pitch-black, | can already see the 
scene in my mind’s eye - the incense bowl should be above my 
head by now, about three hands up and slightly to my right. | can 
almost feel the worms, wet with river water and fat as tubers, as the 
maidens slide them into the ridges of the stone slab. They tickle my 
back and | almost smile, but control myself. /t is very important to 
keep still during the ceremony, said father before we'd left in the 
morning. Be still like rocks on the river floor. Only then will the river 
accept you as one of her own. 


We’re proud of you, our child, added mother. 


containing the phrase “Uncle Ss ”. The restaurant name is 
designated SCP-785-1; the actual restaurant is designated 
SCP-785-2. 


Propagation of SCP-785’s effects will begin if SCP-785-1 is 
mentioned during conversation in a large public area, such as a 
movie theater or sports arena. Within one to six months after this 
occurs, an individual who had been present at the location where 
initial seeding was performed will establish an instance of 
SCP-785-2. It will be located within half a kilometer of the location 
where SCP-785-1 was first mentioned. The personal preference and 
ethnicity of the founder influences the resulting instance of 
SCP-785-2, allowing for a wide range of possible restaurants (for a 
complete listing, see Document-785-__). Following initial seeding, a 
separate founder will not create a new instance of SCP-785-2 
unless all previously existing and publicly known instances have 
been shut down. 


Left unchecked, the popularity of SCP-785-2 will grow unusually 
quickly. The Foundation has never observed fewer than 14 new 
instances within 9 months. The spread of SCP-785-2 is not limited to 
its home city: when first discovered, instances of SCP-785-2 were 
found in three separate cities. 


The effects of SCP-785 will manifest annually on the first Friday of 
May, when SCP-785-2 will advertise a "Spring Special.” All 
customers and employees of any existing instances of SCP-785-2 
will be affected. Starting between 1600 and 1830 hours, any 
customers who had previously consumed any of SCP-785-2's beef 
or bread during that particular day, designated Group A, will report 
to SCP-785-2. Customers physically unable to report are exempt 
from SCP-785-2's effects. Staff will proceed to stab the members of 
Group A twelve times, always using a bronze-tipped spear coated 
with [DATA EXPUNGED] (all materials save the [DATA 
EXPUNGED] can be found in a typical chain restaurant). After all 
members of Group A have expired, employees will place their 
bodies on the floor. They will then turn off all appliances and 
produce six polyvinyl chloride (PVC) basins of water. All customers 
still living, designated Group B, will be issued a large knife, which is 
invariably composed of a bronze and compound. 


It's happening at last - the worms start to move over me, tentatively 
feeling for, then wrapping around my skin. The bag of keepsakes 
resting on my bare chest - mother even insisted | pack the comb - is 
also soon engulfed in the shifting wetness, which presses it into my 
skin and digs it into my ribs. | try to gasp for air, but find that my 
chest is too tightly restrained. Soft, damp appendages soon cover 
my face, and now | am unable to breathe at all. Somehow, | don't 
feel panicked. And despite most of my past few months leading up 
towards this moment, | don't feel ecstatic, either. 


There is a sense of being lifted up, gently, reverently. | hear the 
sound of flowing water. My vision fades to white. Before | go 
completely, the soft damp coils around me seem to widen - not in 
size, but in a kind of presence. Is this what She feels like? 


Yes, comes the answer from a thousand tiny teethed mouths around 
me. You come into good hands, little girl. 


We protect you now. 
And then | died. 


(Solved!) 


Round 23: Agent MacLeod 


Everything I'd ever done had been leading to it. Every sport | was in, 
from elementary clear through until then, every mile ran and every 
exercise out on the field. Every locker room pep talk, every 
touchdown made, every good and every bad tackle. All of the 
injuries. All of it had been leading to that.