SCP-2698-A: Pardons, | wish not to enrage 
Your Greatness. 


Please forgive me for defiling the divine 
language with obscenities. 


O Great One, please receive my confession in 
words. When | awoke, | see many things in the 
ocean. Among them, | see caricatures in the 
likeness of a priest fornicating with... la-larvae. 
They are mockery to Your Greatness and the 
priesthood. Great One, please know that such 
mockery is but a gross stereotype that does 
not reflect the priesthood. A true priest of the 
Great Ones will never conduct hectocotylus on 
a larva. This is my confession to Your 
Greatness. 


Dr. Yamato: Understood, SCP-2698-A. 


SCP-2698-A: It is by Your Greatness’ will that 
| do so. 


Dr. Yamato: | see. Thank you, | think that will 
be all for today. 


SCP-2698-A: Yes. Glory to Your Greatness. 
<End Log> 


Footnotes 

1. Said appendages must be part of a depicted organism or 
automaton. 

2. Despite the CDO's self-proclaimed knowledge in summoning 
extra-universal entities, SCP-2698-A appears to be its only 
successful attempt to summon such entities thus far. 


3. Partial recitation of said incantation does not pose any health 
hazard to reciters. Pending approval for a full recital of the 
incantation. 

4. Refers to the novel seriesThe Laundry Filesby Charles Stross, 
which involves the summoning of extra-universal entities via 
computation and mathematics. Controlled testing indicates that 
summoning techniques described inThe Laundry Filesare incapable 
of summoning any extra-universal entities. 

5. In original transcript, SCP-2698-A uses the word "44" (watashi), a 
first-person pronoun typically used in formal and polite occasions. 


« SCP-2697 | SCP-2698 | SCP-2699 » 


SCP-2699: Counterfeit Creatures 


Item #: SCP-2699 
Object Class: Safe 


Special Containment Procedures: Due to the nature of SCP-2699, 
each instance requires different containment protocols. 


SCP-2699-1 must be contained in a small mammal enclosure. It is 
to be fed a similar diet to what a striped skunk (Mephitis mephitis) 
would require. SCP-2699-1's front paws are to be checked every 24 
hours for any wounds or infections, and if any are found they must 
be treated immediately to prevent further damage. SCP-2699-1-a is 
to remain in archaeological storage unless required for analysis. 
Care is to be taken when removing this object from storage as it is 
very fragile. 


SCP-2699-2 must be contained in a padded cell. SCP-2699-2 is to 
be placed in a harness, allowing it to stand upright but not allowing it 
to move around its cell. To prevent muscle atrophy, at least 2 
personnel are to take it out of its harness and move it around its cell 
twice a day for at least 5 minutes. SCP-2699-2 can be fed a 
standard human diet; however, it will require assistance with eating. 
SCP-2699-2 must be checked each day for any damage or 
infections sustained, especially on its rear side. SCP-2699-2-a are to 
remain in secure clothes storage unless required for analysis or 
testing. 


SCP-2699-3 must be contained in a large amphibian enclosure; 
however, it is allowed outside on Foundation controlled grounds 
once a day. SCP-2699-3 is to be fed the same diet that an African 
elephant (Loxodonta africana) would require. 


SCP-2699-4 must be contained in a large reptile enclosure and is to 
be fed cow, pig or horse meat. SCP-2699-4 must be tranquilised 
before entering its enclosure. 


SCP-2699-A is to remain in secure warehouse storage. 


Description: SCP-2699 is a collection of 4 sentient creatures of 
varying species. The creatures have similar appearances to known 
species; however, they appear to be heavily mutated. 


SCP-2699-1 is a specimen similar in appearance to a striped skunk. 
The most notable physical difference between the two species is 
that the white stripe of fur on the back of SCP-2699-1 veers off to its 
right side rather than staying central. Another noticeable difference 
is that SCP-2699-1 has no tail (at first it was believed that the tail 
had been removed but further analysis confirms that a tail was never 
present). The anal scent glands of this specimen seem to give off a 
smell that is recognisable as lavender rather than the usual 
unpleasant smell that skunks are known for. SCP-2699-1's front 
paws have all digits fused to the paw at both ends creating a small 
hole between the digits and the paw, which seems to cause 
SCP-2699-1 some minor discomfort. 


When SCP-2699-1 was discovered, a stone tool (SCP-2699-1 -a) 
was in its right paw which, after analysis, has been confirmed to be 
similar in appearance to Stone Age tools (specifically stone age 
axes). The tool appeared to have been pushed into the paw with 
some force, as the paw had open wounds when discovered. The 
tool itself is very fragile and suffered minor damage when removed 
from SCP-2699-1's paw. 


SCP-2699-2 is a humanoid creature similar in appearance to a 
South American male human. SCP-2699-2 has skin only on its front 
side, with exposed muscle and other tissue on its rear; however, this 
does not seem to cause any pain to SCP-2699-2. It does, however, 
considerably increase the chance of SCP-2699-2 catching 
infections. SCP-2699-2 has no knee or elbow joints and, after X-ray 
analysis, it was revealed that its legs and arms contained one large 
bone rather than the standard upper and lower bones of human 
limbs. Due to this lack of joints, SCP-2699-2 has difficulty standing 
upright and will often fall over, requiring help to stand upright again. 
SCP-2699-2's intelligence is considerably lower than that of an 
average human; it seems to have a basic understanding of its 
surroundings but is not capable of communication or solving simple 
logic puzzles such as opening doors. 


SCP-2699-2 was originally found in a Mexican style poncho, large 
sombrero hat and a fake moustache that had been stuck to its face 
and maracas which had been glued via unknown means to its hands 
(all of which are contained as SCP-2699-2-a). SCP-2699-2-a were 
removed from SCP-2699-2 successfully without causing damage to 
either SCP-2699-2 or SCP-2699-2-a. 


SCP-2699-3 is a creature similar in appearance to a juvenile African 
elephant; however, a few differences have been noticed. The 
entirety of SCP-2699-3's skin appears to be much thinner than an 
elephant’s skin and is in fact much thinner than any mammal, bird or 
reptile's skin, being more akin to that of amphibians. 


The only other noticeable difference between the two species is that 
SCP-2699-3 has compound eyes rather than refractive cornea eyes 
present in African elephants. 

SCP-2699-3's behaviour patterns are typical of a juvenile African 
elephant and can become increasingly stressed when in 
containment. It was decided that SCP-2699-3 would be allowed 
some minor freedom on Foundation-controlled grounds outside of 
containment to relieve its stress. 


SCP-2699-4 is an unidentified species of reptile resembling 
Velociraptor mongoliensis as depicted in the popular movie 
"Jurassic Park". X-ray analysis shows that the bone structure is also 
very similar to the fossils of a Velociraptor, but it is much larger, 
standing at around 3 metres rather than 1 metre. Additionally, it 
does not have any feathers, despite evidence from recent fossil 
finds. SCP-2699-4 appears to be completely healthy and shows no 
abnormalities other than its appearance. Its behaviour is similar to 
that of a domestic house cat; it is very friendly to anyone who enters 
its containment cell, however, it seems to be unaware of its own 
strength, often causing minor injuries to staff. 


Due to injuries caused to staff through scratching and biting, 
containment procedures were changed so that SCP-2699-4 had to 
be tranquillised before entering the enclosure. The amount of 
tranquiliser required was estimated based on the amount required to 
be effective on an ostrich (Struthio camelus). 


Update 25/09/2014 - It has been discovered after a minor power cut 


in Building B5 of Site-131 that SCP-2699-4 becomes luminescent 
under low light conditions. It is unknown how SCP-2699-4 is able to 
do this or why it does at this time. Further testing is required to 
understand this effect. 


SCP-2699-A is the intermodal container that SCP-2699 was 
discovered in. It is approximately 17.1m in length and 2.5m in height 
and width. Apart from the outside paint work, it is identical to a 
standard intermodal container. It is unknown if the container itself is 
anomalous, as it is not known how it arrived at its discovery location 
(see addendum), and until further analysis can confirm its 
anomalous status it is to remain in secure storage. 


The outside paintwork is a mostly cream colour with the words 
"Eden Creations" on the centre of the longest sides and stock 
pictures of humans and animals are located on all sides of the 
container. 


Addendum: 


SCP-2699 were discovered after , living in Norfolk, England, 
had reported to local authorities of a shipping container (SCP-2699- 
A) having been delivered outside his house. The container 
contained what he described as "monsters," and appeared to cause 
him and the local authorities who responded to the call a large 
amount of distress. The Foundation investigated and then contained 
SCP-2699, administering Class B amnestics to Mr and all local 
authorities involved. 


Upon investigation of Dr , it was found that he had a channel on 
the website YouTube with a large number of viewers. Videos on this 
channel were largely of Dr reviewing counterfeit objects ranging 
from toys to electronic devices. Shortly after it was discovered that 
their address was available on [REDACTED]. 


Investigations into SCP-2699-A's origins have so far been 
unsuccessful. 


Documentation that had been sent alongside SCP-2699-A was 
recovered along with SCP-2699: 


Dear Mr 


I'm sending you this letter along with 4 items on request 
of my employer. My employer (hallowed be His name) 
has requested that | get these goods reviewed by a 
counterfeit goods watchdog as they seem to be 
counterfeit goods based on our company's creations. | 
have reviewed your website and feel that you would be 
the appropriate person to send these goods to. 


Attached to this letter is a list of defects that my employer 
has noticed to help you in your evaluation of these 
products. We'd appreciate it if you could look at these 
products and investigate who created these products 
and please let us know so we can take legal action. 


My employer wishes for this matter to be dealt with 
urgently so | ask if you could make this a priority. | also 
ask if you could send any updates on the investigation to 
the email address supplied below. 


Best Regards 
Larry Filmore 
Production Intern 
Eden Creations 


u.snoitaercnedeleromlif.yrral#u.snoitaercnede| 
eromlif.yrral 


Attempts to contact the email address have so far gained no 
response. Attempts to trace the email address have also failed. 


Below is the list of defects which were attached to the letter. 
List of defects we have noticed: 


"Stone age Skunk" based on the Small Mammal - Skunk 
Model #475921 


¢ The skunk's stripe has been poorly painted. 

¢ Part 65 A is missing from the skunk. 

¢ Accessory #5738_B for the Stone Age Human line 
seems to have been copied. 

¢ Paws on the skunk seem to have been moulded to 
allow the axe to be held. 

« Axe does not actually fit into the paws and 
required some force to place in the paws. 


"Pedro the Human" seemingly based on Homosapien - 
Latino Model #92927202 


* Clothes are incredibly stereotypical with 
accessories from the Mexican Party line having 
been copied. 

¢ The human has had no skin work applied to its 
rear side (it's possible it was cheaper just to do the 
front). 

¢ There is no articulation in the legs or arms. 

¢ Software is very basic in comparison to the actual 
model. 


"Frogaphant" based on Large Mammals - African 
Elephant Model #416863 


* Skin is entirely made of a cheaper amphibian skin. 
¢ Eyes used are cheaper compound eyes. 


"Clever Raptor" seems to be based more on the raptors 
from the film "Jurassic Park" which in turn are based on 
the discontinued Cretaceous Dinosaurs line - 
Velociraptor Model #348598. Possibly suggests that the 
creator of this model had never seen the Cretaceous 
Period. 


¢ For reason mentioned above, it is much larger 
than the actual model. 

¢ Lacks feathers (possibly both due to expense as 
well as wrong source material). 

* Software is based on Housecat 5.63 rather than 
the actual Raptor software. 


Update 01/02/2016 - A further letter addressed via UK Post Office to 
the original recipient of SCP-2699-A, was retrieved from Norfolk 
police station during a routine check. Please see the following 
document for more information: Document-2699-EFF13 


« SCP-2698 | SCP-2699 | SCP-2700 » 


Articles 2700-2799 


pain reaction, but survived repeated laceration, evisceration, 
exsanguination, burns over 90% of body surface, multiple gunshots, 
electrocution, and lobotomy. Subject terminated by blunt impact 
trauma destroying the heart. 


Subject: D-43895 

Condition: Stage 4 small lung cell carcinoma 

Summary of Results: Subject continued to worsen post-exposure. 
Regular breathing ceased 3 days after exposure due to extensive 
tumor growth, but subject retained consciousness. Tumor infiltrated 
renal system, leading to external growths approx. 13 cm in diameter 
in the area by 14 days. Secondary tumors occlude vision and 
infiltrate the brain by 19 days. Upon the final ceasing of biological 
function at 52 days, metastatic tumors were evident over 70% of the 
body's surface area and had infiltrated every organ system including 
the heart (which was the cause of subject's death). 


Subject: D-34892 

Condition: Head and heart surgically removed from the rest of the 
body, keeping attached vasculature intact. 

Summary of Results: Subject revived and apparently conscious, 

though apparently in too much pain to communicate meaningfully. 

Applied painkillers had no visible effect. Research ongoing. 


Subject: Agent 

Condition: Terminated in the line of duty recovering SCP- 
Summary of Results: Animated for debriefing. Subject requested 
and was granted 2 weeks to prepare a post-action report before 
termination. After 9 days, subject's nightly request for access to 
SCP-308 was denied. The following morning subject escaped 
containment by murdering a technician, and proceeded to 
SCP-308's containment area where she was terminated by guards 
on station with a bullet to the heart. 


Subject: D-34877 

Condition: Expired from myocardial infarction 

Summary of Results: Subject was recovered from the artifact inert 
with massive trauma to the chest, through which the heart had been 
expelled or ripped. The heart was beating regularly but the subject's 
body showed no signs of life. Subject's medical background 
indicated that he had received a heart transplant 3 years prior. 


SCP-2700: Teleforce 


Item #: SCP-2700 
Object Class: Safe 


Special Containment Procedures: SCP-2700 is held at Secure 
Bunker-  . Only personnel with 4/2700 Clearance are permitted 
access to the bunker. SCP-2700 is contained in a 10m x 5m x 10m 
concrete vault and is not to be transported or tampered with under 
any circumstances. 


Description: SCP-2700 is a complex mechanical device, believed 
to be a sophisticated directed-energy weapon developed by Serbian 
physicist and inventor, Nikola Tesla. The device was discovered in 
1946, and recovered from a defunct but heavily secured research 
facility utilized by Tesla in [REDACTED] during 1934. 


SCP-2700 consists of three components, the interface 
(SCP-2700-1), the accelerator (SCP-2700-2), and the core 
(SCP-2700-3).