and populated areas, those who aren't in favor with the main Senior 
Staff regime are roaming the countryside, minding their business 
and trying not to incur the wrath of the Clefs and Kondrakis of the 
world... with varying success. You might find some ordinary people 
working in bombed out office buildings and living in the crumbling 
ruins of a place they called home. 


Feel free to write up any additional locations you make in your 
stories! 


People: 


The Senior Staff: The author avatar characters, now turned into 
reality benders. They passively change the world around them to be 
what they want it to be: Praising them, and encouraging their 
exploits. They spend their days interacting with various skips and 
each other, in the coolest way that they can imagine. 


Groups Of Interest: Most of the classic groups of interest will be 
going by their original motivations: 


¢ Global Occult Coalition: Destroy! Destroy! KILL! Also used 
as cannon fodder, similar to the Chaos Insurgency. 


Serpent's Hand: Spies who infiltrate the Foundation and steal 
humanoids, destroy stuff sometimes. 


¢ Chaos Insurgency: Their agents more or less apparate out of 
nowhere whenever the senior staff feel a need to have any 
sort of antagonist. 


Church of the Broken God: Heretics that have spies that 
infiltrate the Foundation to get their "pieces of God" back. Can 
also be used as cannon fodder. 


¢ Are We Cool Yet?: Skips with this phrase tend to be artsy 
and destroy stuff a lot. 


¢ Unusual Incidents Unit: Bumbling buffoons. 


Other groups of interest don't have obvious ways to act for 
lolfoundation... maybe somebody could write a story about them? ;) 


SCPs: The senior staff weren't the only ones to be given reality 
bending powers. The well known SCP articles, like 076 and 682, can 
also reinforce their badassery in the real world through perception. 
Of course, this means we encourage the articles more well known to 
be used in this canon, but this doesn't mean you can't use newer 
stuff if you think of a good way to use it. 


WHO CAN ADD THINGS TO 
THIS CANON? 


Anybody! 


Canon Stories 


Long Live The King by Roget 

My Brother The Ape by Roget 

Send in the Clowns by ihpkmn 

In God's Name by TroyL 

Through the Out-Land and What David and Tim Found 
There by Eskobar 

No One Else Will Protect Us by Roget 

Free Reality Check!: Press Button by FortuneFavorsBold 
Overview of MTF Psi-7 "Home Improvement" by Roget 
The Czar Cometh by Gargus 

Private Hell by Clef 

Sparkle Spectacular by ksaid 

Waffling About by Blaroth 

In Case You've Ever Wondered by pooryoric 

New Kid on the Block by Anaxagoras 

Funfiction by TobiasTheTapir 

Date Night by Hercules Rockefeller 

The Most Dangerous Game by DrMagnus 


© Happy Birthday From Nobody A prequel by 


DrMagnus 

© When All You Have is a Hammer A sequel by 
DrMagnus 

© Legends Never Die A sequel by DrMagnus 

© Directive Legends The conclusion by DrMagnus 


¢ Bad Dreams by Thefriendlyvandal 

* SCP-3621 Best Intentions by DrMagnus 

¢ (The Engine of A Film)/(The Fine Game of Nil) by ojkaktus 
and LordStonefish 

* Descent by Bryx 

¢ Interviews with Prospective Groups of Interest by 
MrWrong 


Please add tales in order of posting, unless it's a sequel or prequel 
to an existing story, in which case it should be listed as: 


* Tale 


© Sequel/Prequel 


New kid on the Block 


One day, Jacob realized that the Foundation was the place for him. 
It was the day the pretty girl from his high school’s Alto Clef Fan 
Club died in his arms, telling him how wonderful his long, raven- 
black locks of hair looked as they framed his perfectly symmetrical 
face. Jacob smiled a flawless smile, as he was especially proud of 
those long, raven-black locks of hair. It had taken him hours in front 
of a mirror to make them look convincingly like hair. 


As she died, Jacob screamed in anguish, pain, and grief and vowed 
revenge against the robotic servants of the Church of the Broken 
God that had killed her. Channeling the full might of his incredible 
power over vegetation, Jacob enshrouded his school in a blanket of 
vines, and commanded them to collapse inwards, destroying the 
building and all the cybernetic cultists inside, sparing only the pretty 


girl. 


Her body was borne aloft above the devastation on a bower of 
vines, which burst into flower as they brought her to rest in front of 
Jacob. On reviewing the corpse, he opted to make a few minor 
cosmetic improvements, to honor her memory. 


With everything he had ever cared about lying in ruins around him, 
Jake Son-of-Gaia set off on the journey to Site 19, where he knew 

he would find people able to aid him in his vendetta against the foul 
Broken God. 


Oh, and his parents were probably dead too. 


At the gate to Site 19, Jacob encountered a man in the shape of a 
dog. 


“Hello there,” Dr. Crow said. “I saw you were coming. Welcome to 
Site 19.” 


Jacob stared up at the towering glass and marble building in front of 
him. It had twenty-nine stories, just as he had imagined it, topped 
with three huge letters, maybe 9.144 meters tall. It was heaven. As 
soon as he could contain his excitement, Jacob launched into his 
introduction. 


“lam Jake Son-of-Gaia. Sinister cybernetic servants of the Church 
of the Broken God killed my family and my one true love, though | 
was able to best them in combat with the help of my brothers, the 
trees and vines. But the cultists | destroyed were only a fragment of 
the might of the foul Broken God. Only the SCP Foundation knows 
where | can find the rest of the unnatural Broken God to destroy it. | 
promised over the dead bodies of my family to avenge their loss, so 
| came here.” 


Kain chuckled. “You'll fit right in, Jake Son-of-Gaia. I’m Dr. Kain 
Pathos Crow. Pleased to meet you.” The two shook hands. 


“Can | be a doctor too? I’ve heard so much about you. | want an Egg 
Walker too, but it would be able to heal itself if it got damaged 
because it would be made of living plants and vines.” 


“Ah, | don’t think so. Controlling plants sounds awfully paranormal to 
me. That’s the kind of thing we need to test and make sure the rest 
of the world doesn’t know about. | think you’d do better as an SCP 
than as Senior Staff.” 


“What about Clef and Bright and Gerald? They’re anomalous too.” 


Dr. Crow shook his head. “They've been doing this a lot longer than 
you have, Jake. They’ve always been staff. There never was a time 
when they weren’t Senior Staff. We can’t just make them SCPs now. 
Don’t worry. Being an SCP is a lot of fun too. Come on, let’s go 
inside.” 


Jake Son-of-Gaia and Dr. Kain Pathos Crow walked up to the 
looming gate to Site 19. Dr. Crow paused. “You'll have to get it for 
me,” he said. “I don’t have any hands. I’m a dog.” 


The third floor stretched before Jacob, a final gallery of marvels 


before he reached the hall he’d be staying in. He was to be 
SCP-422, because April 22 was Earth Day. Keter class, of course. 


Dr. Crow led him through, pointing out SCPs of particular interest, 
such as SCP-307, the carnivorous ivy (Kondraki had five plantings in 
the waiting room for his office. They claimed a secretary a week). 
Jacob stepped forward, keeping pace with Dr. Crow, and — 


Jacob opened his eyes. He was in a dingy room of weathered walls 
that had perhaps once been white. In one corner of the room, motes 
of light swam in a bell jar. A thick plexiglass window looked out onto 
a gray wasteland crossed by scattered cracked roads. An aging man 
sat on a wooden chair at a desk in front of him, and his eyes 
matched the room. 


“Hello there,” SCP-343 said. “I saw you were coming. Welcome to 
Site 19.” 


Jacob looked around him. The cell he was in bore no resemblance 
to the wonderland that was going to be his new home. What was the 
meaning of this? “This isn’t Site 19,” he said, “And I, Jake Son-of- 
Gaia, demand you return me there now!” Jacob commanded vines 
to sprout forth from the ailing walls to ensnare his foe. 


No such vines emerged. The man shook his head and said, “None 
of that. You’re Jacob Glaser, playing a demigod. In my room, I'll 
have things the way they really are.” 


“Who are you? Why are you doing this?” 


“These days, I’m SCP-343. I’ve brought you here to warn you, and 
to tell you what Dr. Carrow — Kain — won't. I’d bet you’re used to 
things going your way, right? And how long has it been since you’ve 
worn your own hair rather than that black stuff? The plant command 
too. Guess you're a literal type green, then. 


“Here, there’s a lot of people like you. The staff, the major SCPs, 
they can all do what you can. They’re used to things going their way, 
just like you are. If things don’t work out between you and them, you 
could be in danger. | can keep an eye out for you, but —” 


“What are you talking about? The staff all like me. This is the safest 
place in the world, because the Foundation stands for ‘Secure 


aed) 


Contain Protect’, not ‘Destroy Destroy Destroy’. 


SCP-343 sighed. “Well, we'll see. Unfortunately, you might well fit 
right in. Which is the other thing | wanted to talk to you about. You 
need to stop killing people. Your family, your school... | know you 
didn’t realize, but you have to understand what you do to people 
around you.” 


A surge of indignation and sheepishness? went through Jake. “I 
save people! That’s what | do. From the foul servants of the Broken 
God, who are the ones who killed everyone | hold dear.” 


“Jacob, they died to give you a tragic backstory. Where do you think 
those poor cyborgs came from? Around you, everyone’s just a 
puppet, a prop, an extra. But leave them alone and they’re as real 
as you are.” 


“That’s not true. | just don’t want anyone else to have to go through 
the harrowing and awful trials | have suffered.” 


“Anyone else! Let me tell you something, Jacob. Oh, you'll have 
more chances here to save people from cultists. But those cultists 
will be just whatever unfortunates were near when you and your new 
friends decide to play a game. You're just going to be another 076, 
another Kondraki.” SCP-343 rose from its chair, a look of revulsion 
on its face. It was no more a man than Kain was a dog. 


“You've never seen anybody but extras,” it continued. “But you’ve 
met Kain, you’ve met me, and you'll meet more. You'll have your 
fun, and people will die for it when they’re cast in the story of your 
life. We're all the same. 


“Go, Jacob Glaser. Go and play as Jake Son-of-Gaia. Die a 
solipsist.” 


— then he continued down the hallway towards the elevator to the 
next level, shaking. 


When they reached room 422, Kain stopped. “Here we are then. 
The chamber’s outfitted with standard accommodations. Well, sans 
the wine cooler, since you’re under 21. If there’s anything else you 
want, just add it to your containment procedures. It’s good to have 
you with us, Jake.” Dr. Crow barked once, and the egg walker came 
tromping down the hallway, holding some ungainly creature that 
gave Jacob a doleful look through mismatched eyes. Dr. Crow rode 
off, and Jacob entered the containment chamber and sealed the 
door. 


In the middle of the culmination of all his dreams, the words of 
SCP-343 lingered. Could he trust the opulence surrounding him? 
Jacob focused, and for a second the room became a small, barren 
cell with a cot and a chair and a table, but it was too much, so Jacob 
fell back on the feather bed and let the sound system lull him to 
sleep. 


Incident 422-01: On 10/31/ , while transporting objects 
associated with the Church of the Broken God past 
SCP-422’s containment cell, D-2663 and D-7529 were 
heard to remark that “It should be perfectly safe to leave 
these Broken God artifacts in the server room while we 
go get pizza, right D-2663?”, and “Absolutely!”. On 
hearing this, SCP-422 used pumpkin seeds he’d been 
storing since Thanksgiving to burst open the door to his 
cell, and attempted to take the Church artifacts. Dr. 
Bright was also in the hall, however, and ordered the D- 
class personnel to stop SCP-422. 


In the ensuing struggle, Dr. Bright and D-2663 were 
injured. Dr. Bright then transferred himself to D-7529 and 
called for security personnel as he launched pursuit of 
SCP-422. SCP-422 summoned vines to entangle 
security, and approached the Site 19 entrance, with 
Bright still in pursuit. He threw the remaining pumpkin 
seeds behind him, and within seconds the corridor filled 
with a wall of pumpkins. 


As SCP-422 fled the facility, Dr. Bright is observed to be 
slowly dismantling the wall of pumpkins, then rolling 


them outside. Security footage captures Bright tying 
approximately eight (8) pumpkins together by the stems 
into a roughly humanoid figure. He then removed 
SCP-963 and dropped it onto the assembled pumpkins. 
The mass animated and the head pumpkin 
spontaneously carved itself into a jack-o-lantern. Dr. 
Bright then ran after SCP-422 in his new body. 


Seeing Dr. Bright approach, SCP-422 tried to use his 
powers, but succeeded only in growing Dr. Bright even 
larger. SCP-422 recaptured and returned to his 
containment chamber. Dr. Bright agreed to return to a 
human body when pointed out that the pumpkins were 
too big to eat from SCP-458. 


Jake Son-of-Gaia is a very dangerous SCP. It’s fortunate 
for us that he was motivated to prevent the dangerous 
handling of the Church of the Broken God items. Who 
knows what horrors from the forge of the Broken God 
would be unleashed on Site 19 had he not acted so 
early? 

~Dr. Bright 


Jacob couldn’t recall ever having had so much fun. He couldn't 
believe he had waited almost a month to breach containment. It was 
probably the caviar and television, he mused, far sturdier than any 
walls or locks. Nothing to do with his chat with 343. 


Incident 422-20: On 3/29/ SCP-422 was provided with 
meat loaf for his dinner, in contravention of his 
preferences outlined in his containment procedures. 
SCP-422 protested to the guards, and vowed to go ona 
hunger strike until he was given a natural, vegan diet like 
humans are supposed to eat. When given a metal block 
the next day, SCP-422 entered a rage state and 
attempted to breach containment. 


[DATA EXPUNGED] but Kondraki was able to outfence 
and destroy each of the four (4) remaining plantings 


If SCP-669 is exposed to a suitable light source of sufficient 
brightness (see Experiment Log-669), it proceeds to move into next 
further orbit. If no such orbit exists, SCP-669 will either deactivate, 
or proceed to fly at a tangent to its original orbit until colliding with 
another suitable object. 


Pushing SCP-669 into an orbit closer to an object it orbits requires a 
force of approximately 50N, and is accompanied by a brief 
photoemission of seemingly random frequency from SCP-669's 
surface. 


Recovery Log: SCP-669 was recovered from the depositary of 
Istanbul Modern Art Museum on April 4, 195 having been previously 
exposed in the annual "Current Eastern European Sculpture" 
retrospective, as a part of an exhibit titled "Rutherfordian Atom - A 
Didactic Perspective".2 SCP-669 was not listed in that exhibition's 
catalog and neither its purported artist, oneG  P , nor 
"Lomonosov-Makarenko Institute for Scientific and Political 
Education" appear to figure in any official records. 


Incident 669-1: 


On / /196 during the course of an experiment led by 
Researcher Arnold Scheiner, SCP-669 deactivated after 
a minor collision. Within 15 seconds of reactivation, 
SCP-669 suddenly developed an electric field sufficient 
to strip electrons from objects within a radius of 
approximately half a metre, resulting in the death of 
Researcher Scheiner, and extensive damage to 
electronic devices in the laboratory and adjacent areas. 
Containment procedures updated. 


Footnotes 

1. SCP-669 always orbits at one of a set of four to nine discrete