Description: SCP-421 is an organism comprised entirely of 
driftwood and other oceanic waste. The exact configuration of the 
organism appears to be in constant flux, but typically consists of a 
centralized body of relatively tightly packed driftwood surrounded by 
a shoal of smaller organisms similar in appearance and behaviour to 
fish. Individual members of the shoal are regularly subsumed or 
created from the main body and have demonstrated no ability to 
reconfigure themselves while separated from the bulk of SCP-421. It 
is hypothesised that SCP-421 possesses a hive intelligence similar 
to that observed in social insects; members of the SCP-421 shoal 


Due to SCP-3275 manifestation seemingly being related to 
SCP-3275-2's lifestyle, provision of health and career counseling to 
SCP-3275-2 has been proposed. 


Addendum 3275-B: Foundation personnel performed regular 
interviews upon initial contact with SCP-3275-2. The first of these 
interviews is below. 


Show Interview 3275-1- - 


Interviewed: SCP-3275-2 

Interviewer: Dr. Ganz 

Foreword: Interview conducted on - -_ , 
date of Foundation personnels first in-person 
contact with SCP-3275-2. 


<Begin Log, 15:40:38> 


Dr. Ganz: Alright, | know we introduced 
ourselves to one another right before this, but | 
need you to state your name for the record, 
please. 


SCP-3275-2: Oh, uh...right, 
Dr. Ganz: Last name too, please. 


SCP-3275-2: Oh, shit, | didn't know | had to 
man, sorry. It's 


Dr. Ganz: Thank you. So, you know what this 
interview is about, right? 


SCP-3275-2: Man, me and those fucking 
pizzas, man. It's shitty for me too, honestly. 
Though | don't really get why this all is 
necessary, no. Like, what are you, like a cop? 
This feels like I'm really, like, being detained or 
something. 


Dr. Ganz: Right now we really just need you to 
answer some questions. You're not currently 


being accused of anything. 


SCP-3275-2: Alright, ‘cause | swear dude, I'm 
not messing with the pizzas. | swear. It's like 
I'm being, like, sabotaged or something. | don't 
think I've gotten a single one right. 


Dr. Ganz: Not one? Since the first day you 
worked there? 


SCP-3275-2: Not a single fucking one. And 
this just happens to me, ‘cause like, | asked 
my colleague _, and he's had, like, no 
problems like this. No one else that | asked 
did. Is someone out to frame me for 
something? Again, | don't really know what 
this, like, place is, but you gotta find a way to 
fix this, man. Why does this only happen to 
me? 


Dr. Ganz: Right, so you have no idea what 
causes this, correct? 


SCP-3275-2: | swear, my man, | don't. This 
thing, like, only happens when | deliver on the 
job. If I, like, pass my friend a box of 
chocolates, the chocolates don't change, know 
what | mean? Because he didn't order them. 
Though | don't know if it would happen with 
chocolates at all. I've only ever done pizza 
delivery. 


Dr. Ganz: So it's pizza delivery specifically 
that seems to be the problem here. Is there 
anything odd about this job in particular then? 
Anything that stands out to you in your 
memory that could be of relevance? 


SCP-3275-2: Nothing, man. This is the most, 
like, basic job ever. In fact, it being so fucking 
low-tier is why my mom hated it. 


Dr. Ganz: You're using past tense. About your 
mom. 


SCP-3275-2: Yeah, she passed away right 
before | started on my first day at this job. 


Dr. Ganz: I'm sorry to hear that. She hated 
this job, you said? 


SCP-3275-2: Well, it's like...she always 
thought | could do better, know what | mean? 
That I'm ‘underperforming’ by getting a job like 
this. That I, like, should aim higher or 
something. Thing is, I'm an adult, you know? | 
can make the choices about my own life. I'm 
not, like, living the dream or anything, but | 
could be happy where I'm at. But my mom 
used to tell me that, like, | should always be 
looking for what more | can do and stuff. How 
to, like, Keep getting better. 


Dr. Ganz: Did your mom mean a lot to you? 


SCP-3275-2: She did...and like, I'm really sad 
that she's gone, it's just...she was just so on 
my back all the time, you know?' __, clean 
this. , fix that. , gO run some more 
errands." Like there was always something 
else | had to do. Always more to worry about. 
Couldn't catch a break ever. 


Dr. Ganz: You lived with your mom then, 
seeing as she told you when to clean up? 


SCP-3275-2: | did. Judge all you want, but 
like, I've just always been short on cash. That's 
why | have to even have this shitty job in the 
first place. And | can't even get that right. 
Finding the job was hard enough but now this? 
And I've still got, like, bills and stuff. 


Dr. Ganz: Alright, that will be all then. Thank 
you. 


SCP-3275-2: No, wait, | have, like, a ton of 
things to ask about this, man. Is it really true 
that you're paying my boss to not fire me? 


Dr. Ganz: We can discuss further questions 
off-record. 


<End Log, 15:43:21> 


Discussion is underway regarding allowing SCP-3275-2 to transfer 
employment to a Foundation-owned catering company. Revision of 
containment procedures and allocation of specialty housing for 
SCP-3275-2 is pending. 


Footnotes 

1. Currently, Dr. Alex Ganz. Additionally, SCP-3275-2 has been 
provided with Dr. Ganz's contact information, and is also allowed to 
report incidents related to SCP-3275. 

2. The employers of SCP-3275-2 have been made aware that the 
Foundation regularly requests delivery specifically by SCP-3275-2, 
and have agreed to comply with Foundation activity in exchange for 
monetary compensation. 

3. Authorized researchers may request the phone number for 

Pizza from the SCP-3275 Project Head. 

4. For transcript of the full initial interview, see Addendum 3275-B. 
5. See also Addendum 3275-A for notable incidents and experiment 
log excerpts. 

6. A rodenticide, toxic to humans. 


« SCP-3274 | SCP-3275 | SCP-3276 » 


SCP-3276: Young Successful Independent Self- 
Employed CEOs 


Item #: SCP-3276 
Object Class: Keter 


Special Containment Procedures: Foundation web crawlers have 
been trained to detect and take down mentions of and 
advertisements for The Healing Company on social media websites. 
Posts made by personal or business accounts are to be tracked, 
and the poster, as well as their extended family and social circle, are 
to be investigated for instances of SCP-3276-1. 


Upon finding a subject, or a group of subjects, affected by 
SCP-3276 and pregnant with SCP-3276-1, Foundation operatives 
are to cut off all access to communication between subjects and 
SCP-3276. Traditional amnestic techniques have been found to be 
harmful to pregnant and postpartum subjects; instead, Foundation 
operatives are to form a support group under the cover of being 
fellow victims of multi-level-marketing schemes and offer civilian 
therapy techniques until SCP-3276's effects have mitigated such 
that subjects may make a conscious decision on SCP-3276-1. 
Survival rate for SCP-3276-1 subjects treated with this technique is 
upwards of 80% in the early months of pregnancy; however, survival 
rate rapidly worsens after the 8th month of pregnancy due to time 
constraints, lowering to 9% in subjects discovered at their 10th 
month of pregnancy. 


Since SCP-3276-1 instances display no further anomalous 
properties after being birthed, subjects are allowed to keep the 
instance as they see fit. Cover stories regarding sexual encounters 
are to be disseminated across friends and relatives of the subject; in 
the case of pregnancy that would have been anatomically 
impossible without SCP-3276, friends and relatives of the subject 
are to be convinced to attend support group family meetings, then 


surreptitiously amnesticized. 


Description: SCP-3276 is a multi-level marketing company by the 
name of The Healing Company. SCP-3276 sells a variety of 
ostensibly health-oriented products, many of which have little to no 
scientific evidence to support their claims of health benefits. 
Examples include bottled alkaline water, essential oil diffusers for 
aromatherapy, and meal replacement shakes with a variety of plant 
extracts. 


SCP-3276's anomalous effect manifests within a variable amount of 
the subject's initial purchases of bulk product from The Healing 
Company, sometimes as early as their first purchase. Upon 
completion of the order, the subject becomes pregnant (the 
corresponding fetus is hereby dubbed SCP-3276-1). If the subject 
does not have a uterus, they will manifest a uterus-like organ which 
SCP-3276-1 will inhabit, receive sustenance through and grow in. 
SCP-3276-1 is an identical genetic clone of the subject. Pregnancy 
with SCP-3276-1 proceeds normally until the approximate date of 
birth, upon which point SCP-3276-1 will not undergo the process of 
natural childbirth at any point, regardless of whether or not the 
subject possesses the necessary anatomy. 


As SCP-3276-1 continues to grow within the subject's body, it 
damages them according to the increase in SCP-3276-1's size and 
nutrition requirements. Death will occur if subject is left unattended 
for an extended period of time under the effects of SCP-3276; the 
most common cause of death is malnutrition. When confronted with 
proof of the pregnancy's anomalous length and negative effects 
upon their health, subjects will insist that it is a consequence of lack 
of a variety of pseudoscientific supplements. Subjects will then 
attempt to compensate this perceived issue by purchasing more 
product from SCP-3276, while continuing to market the virtues of 
said products and attempting to sell them as far as their condition 
will allow them to. If forced to undergo surgical childbirth or abortion, 
and/or upon being separated from SCP-3276 products, subjects 
become depressed and despondent to the point of lacking the 
energy to perform basic self-maintenance routines; this depression, 
though potentially lethal, has been found to be largely mitigated if 
the subject is allowed to make a decision regarding SCP-3276-1 


upon being separated from SCP-3276 products for a lengthy period 
of time. 


SCP-3276 spreads by both word-of-mouth and aggressive 
marketing campaigns on social media websites. This marketing 
contains no anomalous propagation properties, and primarily targets 
widowers, divorcees, spouses of military personnel and young 
women in the United States of America with an income averaging 
$12,500 a year. Attempts to communicate with the contact 
information provided in SCP-3276's advertisements have proven 
unfruitful, with all queries except explicit interest in becoming a 
contractor being summarily ignored. Interrogation with subjects of 
SCP-3276's effects have so far revealed that none of them have met 
an executive for The Healing Company in person, and all referrals, 
when provided, have only led to other subjects affected by 
SCP-3276. 


Recovery Log 3276: 


SCP-3276 was initially detected by Agent Rodriguez in 
March of 2015in __, Kansas, as it affected her 
acquaintances accrued during her deployment in a 
civilian cover. Initial containment was established under 
the belief that SCP-3276 propagated memetically. 


Nine civilian subjects were found to be affected by 
SCP-3276-1, with pregnancy terms varying from eight to 
eleven months. All subjects' homes were in a state of 
varying disrepair due to most of their daily routine being 
comprised of self-maintenance through the utilization of 
products from The Healing Company. Subjects 
universally suffered from malnutrition, chronic fatigue, 
irritability and had become isolated from their friends and 
family. Subjects pregnant from nine months onward had 
difficulties moving and presented muscle mass atrophy 
from carrying pregnancy weight without satisfying the 
corresponding nutritional requirements; subject at eleven 
months of pregnancy was incapable of moving on her 
own, and presented a constant state of distress from the 
resulting lack of capability to self-apply The Healing 
Company products. 


Civilians were treated with standard antimemetics and a 
series of cesarean surgeries; only two of the affected 
subjects survived the treatment. Agent Rodriguez was 
initially quarantined with the two survivors due to 
symptoms associated with isolation from SCP-3276, but 
was later released after it was determined that 
SCP-3276 lacks anomalous memetic capabilities. 


Agent Rodriguez requested a short leave upon exiting 
quarantine, citing the loss of her civilian acquaintances to 
SCP-3276 as grounds for bereavement. Upon 
examination by on-site therapists, she was determined to 
be suffering from major depressive disorder and post- 
traumatic stress disorder, and was instead granted 
extended medical leave on the condition that she attend 
a weekly therapy session. 


Footnotes 
1. Variants on amnestic treatments currently pend authorization for 
research by a Foundation and civilian joint research team. 


SCP-3277: Speak Softly And Carry A Big Stick 


Item #: SCP-3277 
Object Class: Euclid 


Special Containment Procedures: All seven instances of 
SCP-3277 are to be held in a high-value storage locker at Site-76 
when not in use. Each instance is to be securely affixed with a GPS 
tracking tag to enable rapid recontainment in the event an instance 
is stolen or translocated during testing. 


Research with SCP-3277 may only be conducted with permission 
from the Site Director, and experimentation must be overseen by a 
senior member of the Department of Thaumatology. To minimize the 
risk of collateral damage, all experimentation with SCP-3277 must 
be conducted at Site-76's bombing range. 


Description: SCP-3277 are a set of seven lacquered wooden 
walking sticks, ranging in height between 150cm and 175cm, with an 
average diameter of approximately 3cm. The type of wood used to 
make SCP-3277 is unknown, although genetic analysis has 
indicated a close resemblance to the Salix genus!. The wood tissue 
is reinforced by what appear to be naturally occurring carbon 
nanotubes, resulting in uncharacteristic (though non-anomalous) 
strength and dark colouration. 


Aetheric Resonance Scans have revealed that instances of 
SCP-3277 generate significant amounts of elan vital energy, or 
EVE?. Additionally, all seven instances of SCP-3277 are deeply 
engraved with numerous sigils, believed to be thaumatological in 
nature. It has been suggested by Foundation thaumaturgical experts 
that each sigil corresponds with a spoken invocation, and that 
uttering said invocation whilst holding an instance of SCP-3277 will 
produce corresponding anomalous results. 


As the sigils inscribed upon SCP-3277 do not correspond to any 


known thaumatological system, Foundation thaumaturgical staff 
have provided an extensive list of possible invocations for testing 
purposes. 


Testing has revealed that SCP-3277 instances produce erratic and 
inconsistent results when used as thaumaturgical aids. See the 
abridged test log for more details. 


Abridged Experiment Log 3277: 


Test # and Subjec Attempted Results 
invocation 
SCP-3277-A, Test Recites an invocation Researcher 
#14, Junior intended to grant them Emmerson became 
Researcher good health. violently ill; 
Emmerson uncontrollably 


secreting sweat, tears, 
blood, mucus, vomit, 
urine and excrement. 
An IV drip and later a 
blood transfusion were 
needed to prevent 
death. Upon recovery, 
it appeared that 
Researcher 
Emmerson's body had 
been completely 
purged of all potential 
pathogens and toxic 
agents. As a result of 
this test, the Site 
Director suggested 
that test subjects be 
switched to D-class, 
but Dr. Katherine 
Sinclair insisted only 
thaumatologists be 
used. 

SCP-3277-B, Test Recites an invocation Spell produced 

#34, Junior intended to produce ‘a approximately half a