TrainerDP: * 

TrainerDP: arrowblocked 


opossum: it's not even a good joke 

opossum: it's literally just "jjba is a good anime xddd" 
jockjamsvol6: | thought you were banned? | definitely 
remember you being banned. 

opossum: what so you're just openly sucking 
bluntfiend's dick now? 

DonDeLillo: BLUNTFIEND IS NOT FOR SEXUAL 
jockjamsvol6: Sure, why not. bones, mind doing the 
honors? 

bones: Gladly. 

bones has set mode +b *!*@borhood.spiderbitch 
bones kicked opossum 

kkrule: finally 

kkrule: they're definitely not going to get the joke though 
it's kind of obscure 

FreakyGhostBed: eh. so? it's not like they'd let us off if 
they did. 

lesbian_gengar: fuck those guys honestly, who cares 
what they think. 

_FuddruckeR_: <DonDeLillo> BLUNTFIEND IS NOT 
FOR SEXUAL 

_FuddruckeR_: wif 

_FuddruckeR_: throws away my bluntfiend dakimakura 
gaycopmp4: Imfao it already has like 340 views 
hetcopogg: those are all me actually 

hetcopogg: oh by the way, i got word from our missing 
boys. 

jockjamsvol6: ? 

jockjamsvol6: Do tell. 

hetcopogg: JoJo's Bizarre Adventure (Japanese: 3 
Y 3 Ov) BR Hepburn: JoJo no Kimy6d na Boken?) 
is a Japanese manga series written and illustrated by 
Hirohiko Araki. It was originally serialized in Weekly 
Shonen Jump from 1987 to 2004, before being 
transferred to the monthly seinen magazine Ultra Jump 
in 2005. The current story arc, JoJolion, started in 2011. 
JoJo's Bizarre Adventure is current 

hetcopogg: ly Shueisha's second largest manga series 
with its chapters collected into 117 tankobon volumes 
and counting. 


gaycopmp4: oh fuck 

hetcopogg: A _ six-volume original video animation 
adaptation of the later half of the series’ third story arc 
was released from 1993 to 1994 by studio A.P.P.P., 
followed by another seven-volume series covering earlier 
parts of the arc from 2000 to 2002. A.P.P.P. also 
produced a theatrical film of the first arc in 2007. In 2012, 
an anime television series produced by David Production 
began broadcast on Tokyo MX, 

hetcopogg: and covered the first two story arcs of the 
manga in 26 episodes. A second 48-episode season 
covering the third arc was broadcast in 2014 and 2015, 
and a 39 episode season adapting the fourth began in 
April 2016. 

tiedyeduck: @bones 

hetcopogg: The JoJo's Bizarre Adventure manga has 
over 95 million copies in print, making it one of the best- 
selling manga series in history, and has spawned a large 
media franchise that includes several novelizations and 
video games, action figures, a jewelry line, and even 
snack foods. From 2003 to 2005, Super Techno Arts 
released both OVA series in North America. Viz Media 
released a translation of the third 

hetcopogg: part of JoJo's Bizarre Adventure in North 
America from 2005 to 2010, and began publishing 
English versions of the first two arcs in 2015. 

bones has set mode +b hetcopogg@*!* 

bones: Presumably there is an antidote of some sort? 
jockjamsvol6: FFFFFF. 

lesbian_gengar: yeah but it's a pain in the ass. why the 
f would she even do that, she knew what would happen. 
hetcopogg is now known as ItWasAllACleverRuse 
kkrule: lol 

ItWasAllACleverRuse: >:3c 

lesbian_gengar: oh. 

polaricecraps: well played 

gaycopmp4: im breaking up with you 


« Ganja is for goons. | You are trash if you toke. | | will use my 
taser on you. » 


Shortage 


You get up. You shit, shower, and shave, because you have to go to 
work. Like everyone else, you hate going to work. 


It's not, generally speaking, all that bad. It's just stressful. You've got 
twenty or so people working with you, doing the work of fifty. Hell, 
they have enough cubicles for fifty. 


It's the same thing when you drive to work. Your subdivision has 
about forty people in it, but there's houses for twice that many. It 
makes a sick degree of sense, though. There's a labor shortage, 
and the government figures that if they pay people to build houses 
and workplaces, people will start having more kids. Nowadays, you 
can't even spit without seeing the commercials that talk about how 
great the houses are, and how easy it is to start a family with 
practically-free housing. It's passive-aggressive politics at its best: 
"We spent all this money making all of these cubicles and houses 
for you, the least you could do is populate them!" 


Halfway to work, you notice the fading post-it note by your radio, 
with a list of stations on them. You try each one, just like you always 
do, even though you can't remember the last time most of them 
were live. Sure enough, the only one with anyone on it is the last 
one. There's so many things that need doing in the world, and 
running a radio station isn't one of them. 


You stop to fill up your car. You see Rachel, filling up her car at the 
same. She lives in your subdivision. Pretty cute. You two fuck 
occasionally, but nothing serious. It's that pleasant time before one 
of you grows too attached, and you'll try to make something official, 
which'll ruin everything. You bet it'll be you that gets too attached. 
You wave at her, sitting on the ass-end of her car, listening to her 
MP3 player while her tank fills up. You make a mental note to ask 
her out, when you're done filling up. 


Again, the stupidity of the government smacks you in the face. 


There's eight fill-up spots. Can you remember how many times 
you've seen two Cars being filled up? Sure, you're experiencing one 
right now. Three? That'd take you a while. Four? Never. They've 
built too too many cubicles, furnished houses, and gas station fill- 
ups in the hopes that the populace will just jump into bed, squirt out 
kids, and find use for them. Disgusting. 


Your car fills up, and you close the gas flap. You turn back to the 
other car, and there's still nobody there. As you're about to get back 
in your car, you notice a MP3 player on the ground, underneath the 
other car's back bumper. 


You know how expensive those things can be, and how shitty it 
would be if you had backed up over your MP3 player. So you walk 
over to where it the thing lays. It's not broken, still playing that one 
band the government hadn't forcibly disbanded. You figure that the 
person is inside paying, and you realize that handing them back in 
person is going to make you late for work. You quickly wrap the 
player's chord around their car's antenna. If they don't notice it there, 
fuck them. 


Your good deed done for the day, you get back in your car and peel 
out. You've wasted enough time, and now you're going to be late for 
work. Your co-workers are going to be insufferable (well, even more 
so than usual) because of it. 


Your drive into work is uneventtul. It's too quiet, though, since 
there's nothing on the radio to listen to. 


Shot Down 


A walk to the shops. That’s all it was meant to be. Pop in and get 
some milk and maybe some of those biscuits Keegan liked if any 
were left. Just quickly there and back and Susan would be back in 
the house in roughly three minutes, she'd turn the kettle on and help 
Linsey finish getting ready. She always found tying her shoelaces 
difficult. It was Keegan's turn to drop her off at school, he’d take the 
car and be back in time for the tea just ready for pouring. Then 
they’d have the full day to themselves, maybe watch that new show 
everyone was going on about. 


Susan only had a second to wonder what the red dot was, suddenly 
hovering around her abdomen before landing on her stomach. Her 
thoughts immediately broke by the force of the bullet penetrating 
her, Knocking her down onto the middle of the road. Blind to 
everything around her other than the intense pain in her belly, it took 
her literally seconds before she noticed the thick crimson trailing 
down the road. 


Craig sat at his desk typing at two words a minute. The serene night 
sky did very little for the boredom currently throbbing throughout his 
skull. The library was mostly desolate save for a few employees at 
this hour. The coffee machine felt like it was miles away rather than 
mere steps. Agreeing to finish off the group report was the last 
mistake he’d make. Perhaps a pick me up of four pints would snap 
him back into shape once he’d finished? Daniel and Ben ‘Buzzcut’ 
Barker would definitely still be out drinking at this hour. Craig swore 
that they were the pubs biggest source of income. He could go for a 
brighter atmosphere over this stale and dreary one. 


Craig didn’t even notice the dot crawling up his trouser leg and 
settling on his crotch. He knew the moment the bullet hit him though. 
Luckily for him, the sudden state of shock and surprise was enough 
to distract him from the intense pain, even if it was just a little. 


Scott had no time to think straight. Before he knew it, his face was 
forced into the ground and the cuffs were around his wrists. Scott 
was just talking to her when it happened, he wasn’t threatening the 
poor girl, he was just handing her a pamphlet and a smile! She even 
smiled back at him! She seemed nice enough to give him a chance 
and listen to his words! They weren’t listening to him now though, 
‘Guns aren't even legal around here!’ But the girl had just fallen 
straight to the ground like that. And before he knew it, her blood was 
all over his shirt. 


There wasn’t a shooter in sight and he was the closest one near her. 
Someone had to be responsible. Someone else had to have taken 
the shot... 


258. 


That’s how many holes were in Claire. All at once, without warning, 
she was lit up by hundreds of those little red dots before they all 
exploded like miniature landmines. Harry didn’t know why, Robbie 
didn’t, Rachel would be told about this in a few years time when she 
could finally speak and listen coherently. She’d be told by Robbie 
while staring at his unmoving eyes, welling with tears and trauma. 


Did Claire even know? Well now she didn’t. 


Item Description: The website, 
"whatwouldhappenifiwasshot. ”. When accessed, it 
generates an accurate 3D model of the user, which can 
then be "shot" by clicking on any part of the body. 

Date of Recovery: 07-01-2017 

Location of Recovery: N/A. Discovered following a 
Reddit post on the "todayilearned" sub-forum. 

Current Status: Domain blocked from all major internet 
service providers. 


Showing the Way 


« Programmed to Receive | Faraway Voices Hub (TBA) | In the 
Master's Chambers (TBA) » 


"Missing." 


Both men fell silent as Janice leveled her unbelieving gaze at each 
of them in turn. 


"You /ost an Al." 


"Well, uh, see ... " Leroy started but trailed off when Director Wilson 
cleared his throat. 


"Let us be clear here, Dr. Bell," the older man said, looking not at 
Janice but at the image of Isanna Yamaguchi on the screen. "We 
are not yet at a juncture to assign or assume blame, if indeed there 
is any to be handed out. We are in an emergency situation. There is 
some small amount of time available to us before said situation goes 
critical, yes, but it is only after that time that, for good or for ill, 
fingers need to be pointed. Do you understand?" 


Janice had to bite down on the sharp retort that had risen to her 
tongue. Taking a measured breath, she stared hard at the side of 
the assistant director's head and said, "No, | don't. But ... fine, that 
may be because | still don't have all the facts. So give them to me." 


With a grateful nod, Wilson pointed up at the screen. The image of 
Director Yamaguchi - or rather, Janice reminded herself, the image 
that the Yamaguchi Al was using as an avatar - expanded and 
began to move. The background had become the trappings of an 
office, and the Al had been joined by four other people. They were 
presumably actual humans given they were all wearing augmented 
reality glasses so they could see and interact with the avatar 


standing among them. 


Wilson was one of the humans in the silent video clip. Janice didn't 
recognize the others, but given their style of dress and the way they 
were gesturing to each other, she easily figured they were other 
members of the site's administration. They were certainly pleased 
with themselves in a way that visibly pegged them as people in 
power. The Al, for its part, smiled pleasantly and participated in the 
conversation only sparingly. 


"She is the culmination of five years worth of work,” Wilson said. 
"Specifically created and bred for this facility. For all intents and 
purposes, she is Site-3408. Of course, since she and so much else 
here is experimental, | do have final say on all decisions should | 
choose to exercise it, and | am, for now, the 'public' face of the site 
when it comes to dealing with other parts of the Foundation. But I've 
mostly just been rubber-stamping her work. Since the opening of 
this facility, she truly has been the site director, and | merely her 
assistant. Everything was going fine. 


"Then, two weeks ago, she stopped talking to us. Eventually we 
went into the system to look for her, draw her out, and check her 
coding, but it was simply gone." 


"So who's running the show now?" Janice asked. 


"We, uh, we think that she still is," Leroy told her with a mystified 
shrug. "The computers act like her files never even existed, but 
somehow all of the things she used to do are still getting done. Er, 
sort of. Anyway, I've tried tracing the commands back to their 
source, but after a certain point | start getting nothing but error 
messages. Weird ones, like, ones that aren't in any of the 
documentation." 


"For example?" 


"Um, just word salad, mostly. Though some of it does sound like it 
could be for real, like the one | got that said there was a complex 
personality default in the upper buffers." 


"Hmm. And what did you mean things are 'sort of' getting done?" 


Wilson leaned forward. "Orders still come down for the janitors to 
clean, the security systems to scan, and the administrative Al to file 
paperwork, but there have been several instances where they'll be 
told to dump trash in the middle of an office, or turn the security 
plating off when it's not supposed to be, or put in requisitions for a 
metric ton of jellybeans. And then there are things like this." 


With a flick of his wrist, Wilson caused the icon for a text file to 
appear in his hand. He pulled at its edges to make it unfold into a 
piece of paper, which he then handed to Janice. She took the 
weightless document from him and began to read. 


"What the hell is this?" she asked after she had finished. "Some kind 
of brochure?" 


"It is the official documentation for SCP-3408. Thankfully there 
wasn't an anomaly officially given that designation yet, so it was 
easy enough to isolate from the rest of the system, but ... " The 
assistant director shifted uncomfortably and gestured to Leroy. 


"We've been trying to get rid of it," the technician said, "but nothing's 
worked so far. If we delete it, it just goes back up again. If we 
change it, the changes get reverted. If we lock the document out 
from outside changes, they happen anyway. I've tried everything | 
could think of, honest, but ... well, yeah. And things like this have 
been popping up all over the place around here." 


Janice frowned at the document. "Huh. It kinda reminds me of those 
TV ads that got out a little while back." 


"Yes, and that's one of the things we're most afraid of," said Wilson. 
"That this may be some kind of outside attack by a particularly 
clever anomalous hacker, perhaps even the same one responsible 
for the advertisements." 


"Okay," Janice said with a huff as she stood up from her seat. The 
strange document dematerialized as she tossed it to one side and 
turned to face the men. "Alright, so that is pretty strange. I'm 
convinced that y'all have a real mystery on your hands. But what | 
really need to know before | help you out is ... why me?" 


Initial Contact Log SCP-939