The house was plain brick, though it could use a re-facing. The yard 
was neat and uncluttered, or at least it had been before it was 
flooded, and there were flowers planted on either side of the front 
walk. A creaking wooden swing hung on the porch. The ragged, 
muddy mat in front of the door was emblazoned with the phrase 
“Wipe Here, You Uncultured Savages”. Rights collapsed her 
umbrella and wiped the wet mud off her tennis shoes. 


They're taking him away. She tries to fight them, but the 
man who spoke to her puts his gun in her face. “I’m 
sorry”, he says, in the way that meant that he was 
definitely not sorry. 


Minutes pass. The shock passes, at least a small 
amount. She puts on a t-shirt and shorts and goes into 
the kitchen. The light is on. 


Dr. Cabenwald is sitting at the little table in the kitchen. 
He has two cups of coffee with him; one in his hand and 
the other in the spot opposite him. He’s a big man, with 
no hair on top and a thick salt-and pepper beard on the 
bottom. He looks tired, but is smiling anyway. He 
motions to the empty seat and the cup of coffee. She 
looks around the room. Another man in a police uniform 
is standing by the apartment door. He’s reading a cheap 
paperback, but his eyes shift to look at her every few 
seconds. 


*What the flying fuck is going on?” She voices it more 
like a statement, with a glare that embodies ‘hell hath no 
fury’. 


Cabenwald smiles, and motions to the chair again. 


“Take a seat. | don’t know if | can explain it well enough, 
but I'd appreciate it if you’d hear me out.” 


A reluctant moment passes before she sits down. She 


sips the coffee. Black. Very black. 


“What happened to Mr. Matthews was nothing of his own 
fault. Had we known about him sooner, this whole 
incident could have been avoided.” He always talked 
about students like that: Mr. Matthews, Miss Rights. First 
name basis was given on graduation and not a moment 
before. 


She sips more coffee. Cabenwald continues. 


“Mr. Matthews was host to a non-standard bacterial 
infection of the brain and lymphoid system with 
underlying memetic hazard. We feared it had progressed 
to the end of the incubation period and so had to take 
immediate action to prevent outside infection. He’ll be 
taken to a secure facility, screened, and treated. This 
particular infection is usually fatal, unless treatment is 
applied quickly.” He swallows a mouthful of coffee.” He 
should survive.” 


She looks him in the eye, staring him down. 


“So he had some disease? You'll have to do better than 
that, professor.” 


“| have no reason to lie, Miss Rights, but | understand. 
The disease that Mr. Matthews was infected with was a 
disease completely unknown to ordinary science. Had it 
reached full maturity, he would have begun to 
experience vivid hallucinations, as well as the 
development of tumor-like growths which would 
eventually burst and spread the contagion. His mental 
state would deteriorate to the point of insanity, which 
would easily lead to mass murder before his own death.” 


“To tell the truth, | am in the employ of a certain 
Foundation, shall we say. And this Foundation’s purpose 
is to contain things like what infected Mr. Matthews and 
prevent them from reaching the world at large.” 


SCP-819-E Blue Blue Raspberry Aqueous and 
Vitreous Humors 

SCP-819-F Purple Grape Cerebrospinal 
Fluid 


The affected fluid is only drained while the lollipop is actively 
consumed, and levels return to normal per typical generation by the 
body, assuming the mechanism for generation was not damaged 
during the loss of fluid. There is no compulsion to eat the lollipops, 
nor a compulsion to stop once all fluid is drained, assuming the body 
can survive without. 


During testing, the only colors that produced fatalities directly from 
consumption were Red and Purple. It appears that the rate of loss is 
a consistent volume and not based on the total volume present in 
the body, as evidenced by the difference in times between fatalities 
in SCP-819-A and SCP-819-F. Where the fluids are displaced is yet 
unknown. Further testing will be performed as methods to trace this 
phenomenon develop. 


Cross research with SCP-466 indicates that fluids may be 
transferring into random people in various areas. See Experiment 
Log 819-466 for additional details. Research and requests unrelated 
to finding the means or system through which these fluids are 
transferred are on indefinite hold. Recommending reassignment to 
Euclid pending these findings. 


05-8 - Reclassification denied. Item and its effects are still under 
control with containment. 


Further research may include monitoring hospital and medical 
records for people showing the following symptoms after 
consumption of the noted lollipop. 


Designation Coior Symptoms 
SCP-819-A Red Extremely high blood 
pressure, arterial 
swelling or bursting, 
increased blood 
volume 
SCP-819-B Orange Severe acid reflux, 


“Give me proof.” 
Cabenwald smiles. 
Rights knocked on the door. 


“Come in!” An elderly voice shouted from inside. She opened the 
door. 


The man sat at his kitchen table, with a half-eaten ham sandwich 
and a half-completed game of solitaire on the checkered tablecloth 
in front of him. He was large in build and portly around the waist, 
with a completely bald head and a brilliantly white beard. He could 
have passed for Santa Claus. 


“Thought you could use a visitor, Greg,” Rights said as she stepped 
into the kitchen. 


Dr. Cabenwald’s face lit up. 


“A pleasure as always, Agatha. Got time for a round or two?” he 
collected the cards and began to shuffle. 


“It’s my day off.” She took the chair opposite him. “I've got a full 
twenty-four hours of time.” 


“Where’s the little one?” 


“With daddy for the day. | wanted to bring her with me, but he went 
and said “It’s your day off, | can take care of her!" Between you and 
me, | just think he wants to show her off to the guys at the office.” 


“You better have pictures for me then.” Cabenwald dealt the first 
hand. 


“| do, don’t worry.” Rights smiled. 
“Never trust in anyone unless they can give you proof. A 
+ for you, Miss Rights.” He digs in the pocket of his 
jacket and takes out a photograph. He hands it to her. 


The photo is recent, and incredibly clear. A large green 


shape, like some sort of twisted dinosaur, can be seen 
tearing apart a man in an orange jumpsuit. Three men in 
black uniforms are firing guns at it, to no noticeable 
effect. It could not and should not be real, but it is, down 
to the individual blood flecks. No fake could be this 
detailed. 


“SCP-682. One of our more dangerous charges.” He 
takes the photo back. 


“Why are you telling me this?” 

He finishes his coffee and folds his hands on the table. 
“Because you're coming with us. 

What? 


“The chance for infection was low, but we can't be too 
careful in these sorts of situations.” Cabenwald stands 
up. “You're a loose end, and the Foundation likes to ties 
those up quickly. We always keep a few open slots on 
the personnel list, just in case.” 


“I’ve been keeping a look after Edward,” Cabenwald said. “He’s 
doing all right. Got any threes?” 


“Go fish.” 


“He never recovered mentally, but he’s managed to hold down a 
janitorial job near here, and he has a few people who come in to 
check on him every now than then.” 


“Think he remembers me? Sixes, please.” 
“Damn it. No, | don’t think he would. Got any kings?” 


“Go fish.” Rights chuckled. “It always gets me how | came to the 
Foundation by sleeping with someone. Got any queens?” 


Cabenwald grumbled and inverted the avian at his former protégé. 


Clowning Around 


The following is a transcript of a segment of the fourth episode of the 
12th season of SCP-1257, titled "Clownin' Around." Despite the 
potential appearance of the "Bobble the Clown" entity, the episode 
does not display any properties of SCP-993, and can be watched by 
any individual. The plot of the episode consists of Danny attempting 
to find an individual to perform at the Birthday Party of Janice's! 
Nephew after he accidentally administered an Class-A Amnestic to 
the magician she had hired. 


Commercial Break Ends 


Unnamed Doctor: Sorry Danny, you can't "borrow" 
SCP-846. 


Danny: But it's an emergency! 


Unnamed Doctor: You said that last time, and we're still 
trying to clean up the Robo-Radiation. 


[AUDIENCE LAUGHS] 
Danny: Fuddlesticks2. 


Danny travels down hallways of Site, ignoring other 
personnel. 


Danny: What am | going to do? Janice is going to be so 
mad... | need somebody, anybody, that can take over 
the party for him... maybe Cassey can help. 


"Bobble the Clown" appears on camera, holding a 
banana. Note that it is an unidentified human dressed as 
"Bobble" rather then an animated character. 


Bobble: Did somebody say Party? 


Danny: Uh, | did. Can you help? 
Bobble: Sure | can, | love kids! 


Danny: Awesome! Thanks a bunch uh... what's your 
name? 


Bobble: I'm Bobble the Clown! 
[AUDIENCE CHEERS] 


Danny: Well thanks Bobble, | was in a real... bind... 
Waaaattt a minute. Aren't you from SCP-993? 


Bobble: Some people say that | guess. | think it's a 
rather rude nickname. Something funner would be better 
| think! 


Danny: Containment Breach! 


Danny runs down the hall in an attempt to sound the 
Containment Breach alarm. Bobble unpeels the banana 
itis holding, and throws it in front of Danny. This causes 
him to slip over the peel and fall off camera. 


[AUDIENCE LAUGHS] 
Bobble looks directly at the camera. 
Bobble: You see kids, running never helps. 


Scene fade's out. Upon fading back in Danny, still 
unconscious, is handcuffed to a chair in an interrogation 
room. 


Bobble: Wakey wakey Danny. 


Bobble dumps a bucket of water over Danny's head, 
causing him to sputter and awaken. 


[AUDIENCE LAUGHS] 


Danny: Whaaa... hey you're still here. 


Danny attempts to stand up, but fails upon noticing the 
restraints. 


Danny: Fud- 


Before Danny can finish speaking Bobble slaps him in 
the face. 


Bobble Don't even think of saying that stupid phrase! 
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS] 
Bobble turns to face the camera again. 


Bobble: Well hey there boys and girls. I'm Bobble the 
Clown, special guest star here at "Agent Danny of the 
SCP Foundation!s" 


[APPLAUSE] 
Danny: What are you talking about? 


Bobble: Danny, Danny, Danny. Don't you remember? 
Watching me with Tyler? All the fun we had? 


Danny: You know my dad? 


Bobble: Why wouldn't |? There's little | don't know after 
all. Just a few things | don't know, which is why I'm here 
Danny. 


Bobble slaps Danny in the face again. 
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS] 


Bobble: Today kids, we're going to learn about a stupid, 
awful show. A show that, for some reason, continues to 
exist. While MY SHOW is censored. Talk about 
executive meddling am | right? 


Danny: Well maybe if you weren't such a jerk maybe 
people might watch your show! 


Bobble Shut the fuck up.4 


Bobble punches Danny in the eye. However other then a 
shout of pain, there is no sign of injury once its fist is 
withdrawn.° 


[AUDIENCE LAUGHS] 
Danny: Ugg... this isn't how it's supposed to go. 


Bobble: Well there we go! Here's today's lesson kids; 
you don't always get what you want. | want to teach boys 
and girls all over all the IMPORTANT things they need to 
know, and you want to do whatever inane plotline you 
have running. I'm not getting what | want right now, and 
soon enough you won't be either. 


Bobble grabs Danny by the hair. 


Bobble: You're a bit upset now, but don't worry. You 
won't have the energy to feel anything like that by the 
time I'm done. Because you see Danny... 


Bobble slams Danny's face into the table, it then repeats 
this following each word it says next. 


Bobble: |. Am. Going. To. Break. You. 
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS FOR TWO MINUTES] 


Bobble continues to slam Danny's face into the table until 
the audience stops laughing. 


Bobble: Now then, what have you begun to learn 
Danny? 


Bobble lifts up Danny's head, looking straight into his 
face. 


Danny: | learned that your shoe's untied. 


Bobble looks down, he is then headbutted by Danny. 


This knocks Bobble roughly a meter away. 
Danny: Code Forty Four Zulu!® 

Bobble's clown nose is visibility bleeding. 
Bobble: You ugly, STUPID, UNFUNNY LITTLE- 


The door to the interrogation room opens, and an 
individual who had repeatedly appeared in the 
background but lacked a speaking role enters the room. 
Upon entering the room he fires a taser at Bobble. 
Bobbles reaction is exaggerated as electricity flows 
around it, before falling unconscious. 


Danny: Wow, thanks Agent Fred! 


Agent Fred then removes the unlocks the handcuffs, 
allowing Danny to stand. 


Agent Fred: No problem Danny. Let's get this clown 
back into containment 


Scene fades out, upon fading back in Danny and Agent 
Fred are standing outside of what appears to be Site 's 
Video Archive. 


Danny: Fuddlesticks! | forgot! | need to find something 
for the party! 


Agent Fred places his hand on Danny's shoulder. 


Agent Fred: Don't worry about it. Why not do the 
entertainment yourself? 


Danny: You know, that's not such a bad idea... 


The remainder of the episode continues without any deviation from 
the usual SCP-1257 episodes. Danny manages to successfully 
entertain all the children at the birthday party. However, he 
accidentally reveals classified Foundation Intelligence in the 


process. As such, all the children are administered Amnestics, and 
do not remember the party. 


Footnotes 

1. A Research Assistant introduced last season and currently 
serving as a love interest for Danny. 

2. Danny's "catchphrase," having used it since the show was titled 
"Raising Danny" 

3. This is the only known instance in which the "SCP Foundation" is 
refereed to by its proper name in any episode of SCP-1257 

4. This is the only instance of profanity in any episode of SCP-1257 
5. This is consistent with other episodes of SCP-1257. While 
"slapstick" violence occurs, no lasting injuries are ever shown on 
screen unless the plot of the episode requires an element like a 
broken limb. 

6. A spoken code to be used in the event a hostile individual is loose 
in an interrogation room. The computerized recorders will 
automatically sound the alarm in the event it is spoken. 


ClusterfREDACTED 


The muffled sound reminded her of fireworks. A dull "boom, boom" 
in the distance that echoed over the landscape. She was half-asleep 
when it happened, before her phone rang. Groaning, she rolled 
over, vaguely noting that her husband wasn't in bed, and placed it to 
her ear. 


"H'lo?" She grumbled, musing over the cottony mouth she got from 
sleeping. Gears' voice answered, dead as always. 


"Doctor Rights, we are requesting that you return to Site 17 for 
immediate safehouse procedure Gamma-Phi-18." 


Her brain sluggishly tried to recall what the hell that was. There was 
a long silence. Fireworks again. Finally, he repeated himself, 
monotone. 


"Gather your family, and come to work." He hung up. 
"...Kay, Gears." 


Was this a weird dream? She looked at the clock. 4:15. Nope, just 
really goddamn early. And who the fuck was shooting off fireworks? 
The dull booming was constant, now, and she struggled to get up 
and pull on sweatpants, making her way downstairs. The TV was 
on, her husband before it, and she went to put a hand on his 
shoulder.