He'd been expecting a typical ambulance, a van, although in 


hindsight he realized the Director had never specified. 


A pair of EMTs rolled a gurney over to the car. The technicians 
opened the passenger-side door of the Camry and gingerly placed 
the woman on the stretcher. They looked disapprovingly from her 
bound wrists to Nathan. Nathan glowered back through the cowl and 
dared them to say anything. Perhaps from a sense of self- 
preservation they chose to remain silent, wheeling her up a short 
ramp into the clamshell doors of the helicopter. As soon as they 
were out of sight the car's wheels kicked up a fan of gravel. Levine 
steered the car onto the road and headed north, back they way 
they'd come while avoiding the same streets. 


Let's hope that's the last | ever see of her, Nathan thought to 
himself. 


Part One 


kill 682 


Dr. Bright stirred his coffee with a spoon, taking a long moment to 
savor the aroma. One unusual aspect of his bond with 963 is that 
certain sensations were different in each body he occupied. Colors 
were slightly different, smells triggered different emotions, and 
coffee... cheap instant coffee was unusually good in this body. Who 
knew that a chimpanzee's taste buds and instant coffee got along so 
well? 


"Good morning, old chap." Dr. Kain's nails clacked on the tile floor 
as he trotted into the break room. "Got some good news and some 
bad news. First the good news: 682 escaped again last night." 


"How the hell is that good news?" 


"Well, after killing 792 guards on his way out, he stole a car and 
went on an alcoholic bender across two states." 


Dr. Bright furrowed his brow. "You're pulling my leg. If that is the 
good news—" 


Kain barked happily. "I'm not done yet! 682 wrapped the car around 
a tree at 150mph. The airbag did not deploy. The big bad lizard is 
dead." 


"Of course!" Dr. Bright said. "Drunk driving! Why didn't we think of 
this sooner! Well, what is the bad news?" 


"It was your car." 


DRUNK DRIVING DESTROYS LIVES DON'T DO IT 
OKAY 


BROUGHT TO YOU BY MADD(itcwys) 


MONKEYS AGAINST DRUNK DRIVING (in their car 
which you stole) 


King Greenshield: A Fairy Tale 


Once upon a time, in a village in Kent, there lived a girl named Mary, 
of noble birth and gentle spirit. She was known throughout the town 
for her kindness and beauty. In time Mary became a woman and 
was married to John, a knight of the county in service to the good 
Duke. John was known by the people for his fairness and wisdom as 
well as his prowess in battle, and in time became a favorite of the 
Black Prince. One day it came to pass that the Black Prince was 
called on to lead the army against the French, and he called upon 
John to ride at his side in the battle. Though John was loath to leave 
his wife behind, he said his tearful goodbyes to her and boarded the 
Prince's ship. 


After John had gone to war, Mary found her heart constantly full of 
sorrow and worry. Though she knew not the ways of war herself, 
she had heard stories told by the knights and men and was 
constantly in fear that her husband would not return. At night she 
found it hard to sleep and worried for his safety, walking the halls of 
the keep for hours in deep thought. Every day she waited for the 
messengers to bring news from France, but never did she hear a 
word of John's doings. 


After four fortnights had passed without word from John, Mary 
became so worried and desperate that she sought out the witch of 
the woods to ask for her help. "Fair lady of the woods," Mary said to 
the crone as she offered her a purse brimming with silver, "four 
fortnights has it been since my dear husband has been away at war 
and | have heard no news of his fate. Know ye any way to scry if he 
be alive or dead?" 


"Perhaps," said the witch. "Know ye of King Greenshield?" 
"| do not," Mary answered. 


"They say King Greenshield is a prince of the fairies," the witch said. 
"He holds court at the cliffs near Dover, and watches the sea and 


the distant shores day and night. If you go to the right place, and ask 
of him, an ye know how to listen, he will tell you what he sees." 


The witch taught Mary how to recognize the proper place, and the 
next morning she left the keep and rode to Dover. Mary searched up 
and down the cliffs for hours before she found the right spot. Mary 
placed her ear to the ground and spoke; 


King Greenshield, King Greenshield, | beg of ye please, 

Hath you seen my husband since he crossed the seas? 

Two months hence he sailed with the Black Prince to France, 
Tell me, King Greenshield, have you seen him perchance? 


At first Mary heard nothing but silence, and wondered if she had 
come to the wrong place, or spoken wrongly, or if the witch had 
deceived her. But soon, the ground rumbled and a voice low and 
sorrowful responded; 


Fifty-seven days past he sailed with the Black Prince; 
| have waited and watched, but have not seen him since. 


Mary was saddened to hear that King Greenshield had no news of 
her husband, but found it calming that he could see the shore and 
was watching what happened across the ocean. With the silver she 
had brought from the keep, Mary took a room in the public house in 
Dover and spent the night alone, worried but hopeful. The next 
morning she rode again to the cliff, placed her ear to the ground, 
and asked; 


King Greenshield, King Greenshield, | beg of ye please, 

Hath you seen my husband since he crossed the seas? 

Two months hence he sailed with the Black Prince to France, 
Tell me, King Greenshield, have you seen him perchance? 


And King Greenshield replied; 


Fifty-eight days ago he sailed with the Black Prince; 
| have waited and watched, but havenot seen him since. 


For nearly a year, Mary returned to the cliff every day and asked 
King Greenshield if he had seen John, and every day King 


Sample 887-9586: A description of a small house in Madrid, Spain, 
written in Georgian, extending for 79 pages. Grammar gradually 
diverges from standard Georgian, eventually becoming similar to 
that of the Lakota language. 


Sample 887-9587: A 3-page transcript of a debate in Belgium's 
Chamber of Representatives over building an embattled wall 
between Baarle-Hertog and Baarle-Nassau. At various points in the 
debate, plans to introduce trained barred owls (Strix varia) as guards 
are mentioned. 


Sample 887-9588: A photorealistic drawing of a western burrowing 
owl (Athene cunicularia) flying over a field of sunflowers. The 
reverse of the paper contains a poem in Spanish declaring a love for 
strawberries. 


Sample 887-9589: A 35-page plan, written in English transcribed 
into the Hebrew alphabet, to replace the Statue of Liberty with an 
anthropomorphic lion, while keeping the crown, tablet, and torch 
intact. 


Greenshield answered no. The people of Dover took notice of Mary 
as she rode out to the cliffs every day. The village children mocked 
her upon leaving. "Look at that lady, off to talk to the cliff again," they 
said to each other. "Doesn't she know her husband must be dead by 
now? We should play a trick on her and teach her a lesson." 


The next day when Mary rode out to the cliff, the children hid ina 
bush near the spot she went to to talk to King Greenshield. She put 
her ear to the ground and called out; 


King Greenshield, King Greenshield, | beg of ye please, 
Hath you seen my husband since he crossed the seas? 
A year hence he sailed with the Black Prince to France, 
Tell me, King Greenshield, have you seen him perchance? 


Before King Greenshield could answer, one of the children shouted 
in a deep and booming voice, saying; 


This morning he fought at the Black Prince's side 
A Frenchman's blade found him, he fell and he died. 


Mary cried out in anguish when she heard the voice and raised her 
head from the ground before she could hear King Greenshield's true 
response. So great was her sorrow that she ran to the cliff's edge 
and jumped, her body breaking on the rocks below. The children 
were startled to see such a grave act, and walked solemnly home 
and told no one what they had done. 


A fortnight later, the Black Prince's army won the day against the 
French, and victorious he returned to England with John, alive and 
well, in his company. News of his wife's death had reached the keep 
by the time he returned, and he was overwhelmed with grief. He 
learned she had spent much of the year he was gone in Dover, and 
when he traveled there he learned of her trips to the cliff. John was 
not a superstitious man, but he had learned tales of King 
Greenshield when he was a boy, and knew why she had gone. 


Riding out to the cliff in his sword and armor, upon his favorite steed, 
John found the spot and put his ear to the ground, and called out; 


King Greenshield, King Greenshield, oh why has my wife 


Leapt from thy brow and forsaken her life? 
They tell me she watched here and waited for me 
Tell me, King Greenshield, what fate did you see? 


And King Greenshield replied; 


The children pretended and told her you died 
She took her own life because of their lie. 


John was furious, but John was clever. He hatched a plan to take 
his revenge on the ruffians who had driven his wife to jump. As she 
had done, he took a room in the public house, and every day he 
rode out to the cliff, in his sword and armor, upon his favorite steed. 
Every morning, he knelt to the ground and called out; 


King Greenshield, King Greenshield, oh why has my wife 
Leapt from thy brow and forsaken her life? 

They tell me she watched here and waited for me 

Tell me, King Greenshield, what fate did you see? 


And every morning, King Greenshield replied; 


The children pretended and told her you died 
She took her own life because of their lie. 


Before scarcely a fortnight had passed, the same children took 
notice of John's behavior. "Look at that fool!" they cried. "Does he 
think that calling out will bring her back? Let's see if he’s as easy to 
fool as she was." 


The next day, when John rode out to the cliff, the children were 
hiding again in the bush. John put his ear to the ground and called 
out; 


King Greenshield, King Greenshield, oh why has my wife 
Leapt from thy brow and forsaken her life? 

They tell me she watched here and waited for me 

Tell me, good King Greenshield, what fate did you see? 


And before King Greenshield could answer, one of the children 
shouted; 


She has left you, my friend, for another lord's arms 
Fled off to Scotland, away from all harm. 


As soon as John heard the voice, he knew King Greenshield had 
told the truth. Drawing his sword, John leapt upon the children in the 
bush in a frenzy, and mercilessly hacked the knaves to bits which he 
tossed, piece by piece, over the cliff. His sword and armor covered 
in their blood, John rode back into Dover to the chapel and told my 
grandfather's grandfather, the parish vicar, what he had done. He 
gave his final confession and paid penance to the Church, and 
satisfied that he had done his duty, he rode back to the cliff and 
jumped off, his body breaking on the rocks below, to meet his wife in 
Christ's embrace. 


They say that King Greenshield holds court to this day at the White 
Cliffs of Dover, and that if you find the right spot and ask of him, and 
know how to listen, he will tell you what he has seen. But whether 
the story | have told is true or not, he will not say; and if you seek his 
counsel, you should first and foremost make certain it is his voice 
you hear. 


Memo from Dr. Samesh: The above story was published in an 1892 
edition of Andrew Lang's Fairy Book, an English collection of fairy 
tales compiled from various sources. All known extant copies of this 
edition are currently owned by the Foundation. Based on our 
research, variants on the above tale have been part of the oral 
tradition of southeastern England for several centuries; as such, full 
suppression has to date proven impossible, though our efforts at 
keeping it out of print have marginalized public awareness thereof. 
In Interview 1588-33, wherein SCP-1588 was asked about the 
provenance of the story, it stated that it is aware of the story's 
existence, and that numerous people have committed suicide by 
jumping from the cliffs above it in the time it has existed, but it 
refused to state whether or not the story was true. 


Kingdom Of Stone: A Monolithic Species 


Hagne-Allon had caught up with the mass of former miners just 
before they could begin to dissipate into aimless hordes. She hadn't 
given much of a speech... but then, she hadn't had to; the promise 
of asylum was its own message, when they had no other options. 
Now, she roamed ahead of them, waiting for them to move past, 
before picking up and moving ahead again. She had given them 
general directions, but doubted their ability to find their way amongst 
the thickets of woodland and rock, all tending to blur together the 
longer one looked. 


They have no sense of proper etiquette or hierarchy. 
Women are seen as often hunting for game as men are 
washing clothes and caring for children. You could hardly 
tell some apart until they took their clothes off to wash. 
They are beautiful specimens all — lithe, wiry, fit and 
firm. Comes from a lifetime of hard labor, | imagine. Now 
they put that experience to use every night, setting up a 
camp that could, but for the right materiel, be called a 
town proper. 


She looked up from her writing, smiling at the sight of a young 
woman about her age, skin dark as coal, laughing and chasing 
another woman who had apparently snatched an apple from her. At 
some point, the dark woman dove for the other, knocking the apple 
aside, and began to kiss the other one with a deep, longing passion. 
Hagne's eyes widened, and she smiled. 


There's a beautiful purity in their ignorance. Or perhaps 
naiveté in their society. | had initially suspected it to be 
mere joy earlier, but the longer you observe them, you 
notice men pairing with men, women pairing with 
women, not a care for offspring or proper mating ritual. 
They love whom they will, and all accept it. | know you 
are a strong and long-lived woman, Overseer, so | dare 


not question your judgment, but after having witnessed 
this group in battle, | cannot imagine that any attempts at 
reforming their primitive little society will be beneficial in 
the long term. 


She had assumed the gathering group of people in the corner of her 
eye had been gathered for food, but the longer she listened, the 
more she heard voices rising in a cacophony of noise that began to 
sound belligerent. She rose, and rushed over to the mass. The 
miners parted for her, as they usually did to those deemed authority 
figures, to reveal the center of the conflict. 


It was a woman, young-looking, but with the far too clean look and 
slightly unnatural sheen of a panacea-user. She flashed a smile at 
Hagne, showing teeth far too perfect to be natural. Her hair was red 
as blood, and close to the roots, Hagne could make out a pattern of 
stitching on her scalp. Her eyes were big, beautifully so, and 
unnaturally blue. Everything about her screamed of some manner of 
fraudulence or another. 


"What is this? Another huckster?" Hagne snarled. 


The woman leapt to her feet with easy grace. She was shapely, 
indicative of very good health, compared to the lean and sometimes 
malnourished forms of the miners. 


"Huck? Huck... Huck, rhymes with fuck!" The woman grinned those 
blindingly white teeth again. 


Hagne grunted and stepped up to her, clutching her spear close at 
hand. The woman seemed not to notice, "These people are under 
the protection of the Eighth Overseer. | am tasked with ensuring 
they reach Whore's End safely and unmolested. What manner of 
trinket are you shilling? Miracle cures? Low-cost panacea?"