Description: SCP-2060 refers to multiple 15 cm tall duplicates of 
various [former] politicians and popular celebrities, (such as Pele, 
William Clinton, M.S. Subbulakshmi, Nicolas Cage, Nelson Mandela, 
etc.). Each duplicate is dressed in the same attire: a unmarked black 
dress suit with a small circular badge (depicting flags of their 
counterpart's nationality) pinned to the lapel, a white undershirt (on 
which unknown symbols have been sewn), a red and white plaid tie, 
and black dress shoes. Standard animal intelligence testing has 
shown SCP-2060 instances to have cognitive functions 
approximately equivalent to the common brown rat (Rattus 
norvegicus). Dissection has shown that instances of SCP-2060 are 
genetically and biologically identical to their human counterparts. 


Despite being miniaturized to the point where higher brain and 
bodily functions would be nonexistent, instances of SCP-2060 show 
no ill effects, and are capable of locomotion, typically wandering and 
exploring their enclosure. SCP-2060 instances are able to speak, 


but only repeat quotes that are on the public record as having been 
spoken by their larger counterparts, and do not respond to actual 
speech. Occasionally, instances of SCP-2060 may repeat the 
phrase "Help me! Save me! Stop this!" and then quickly revert to 
their normal speech patterns. Instances of SCP-2060 generally die if 
not used within 45 days, although this length may be extended by 
being fed unspoiled tobacco. 


Instances of SCP-2060 may be used as cigarettes. When the head 
of an instance is ignited and the feet placed in the mouth, the user 
will experience the effects and taste of smoking a cigarette, up to 
and including nicotine addiction. Instances of SCP-2060 will 
continue to burn up to the lower torso, down to the bone until 
scorched; they do not burn past the waist. SCP-2060 instances 
appear to feel pain, reacting in a manner similar to normal humans if 
ignited or masticated, but continue to utter phrases spoken by their 
counterparts. The phrase "Help me! Save me! Stop this!" will appear 
with greater frequency and at a higher pitch. Users describe 
observing SCP-2060 burning as satisfying and calming. 


While an instance of SCP-2060 is being used, the user will either 
sympathize with the political affiliation of the smoked instance's 
counterpart or express greater proficiency in and appreciation of 
their artistic talent, depending on the instance used. Initially, the 
effect only lasts while an instance of SCP-2060 is in use, but lasts 
longer as more instances are used, eventually becoming permanent. 
In the event that instances with different political affiliations are used 
consecutively, the user will experience what appears to be a form of 
dissociative identity disorder, expressing solidarity with the political 
affiliations of all smoked instances simultaneously. Users are 
ignorant of these effects, and will claim to have always supported 
said political affiliation, even when confronted with proof of the 
discrepancy. 


Acquisition Log: 


SCP-2060 was acquired along with several other SCPs following a 
raid on the curio shop "Curios of the Worlds" in . Several rows 
behind the counter were lined with cigarette packs containing 
instances of SCP-2060. Each pack was labeled in a variant of 
Swedish that transliterated into Sanskrit. 


The front side of each pack containing a politician reads: 


MARLBORO LEGACY EDITION TM 
FILTERED NICOFLESH 

SPECIAL EDITION SINGING POLITICIAN 
Dihydrogen monoxide seriously damages health 


The front side of each pack containing a celebrity reads: 


MARLBORO LEGACY EDITION TM 
FILTERED NICOFLESH 

SPECIAL EDITION RELIGIOUS FIGURES 
Dihydrogen monoxide seriously damages health 


The back side of all packs read: 


SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: SMOKING KILLS. 
SMOKING MAY EFFECT IRREVERSIBLE POLITICAL 
OR RELIGIOUS CHANGE THAT MAY ALIENATE 
NEIGHBORS, COLLEAGUES, AND LOVED ONES. 
SMOKING INCREASES THE RISK OF 
UNCONTROLLED BINARY FISSION. GANDHI 
SMOKED IN THE PUPA. 


Property of Phillip Morris UBC 
Addendum: Incident 2060-1: 


On // ,aninstance of SCP-2060 resembling Nicolas Cage 
escaped its terrarium. It entered the ventilation system and 
proceeded through Site-42, wreaking havoc on various non- 
essential electrical systems within the ventilation. The instance 
caused a fire when it entered the Hazardous Materials Testing 
Ground. D-14542, a heavy smoker and previous tester of 
SCP-2060, incapacitated the instance by stepping on it, then placing 
its head into a fire and smoking it. While being smoked, D-14542 
reported that the instance repeated the following phrases until its 
head was burnt up: 

"| want to be Bob Denver on acid playing the accordion! From 
somewhere else! We burn every day! Kill us! Killing me won't bring 
back your god damned honey! They promised us immortality! A 


legacy! Put the bunny back in the box! 1010101 Westminster Abbey, 
New London, United British Colonies! This isn't what we were told! 
They aren't us, they aren't us! Shoot him again, his soul's still 
dancing!" 


No other instance of SCP-2060 has ever repeated the same 
phrases, nor tried to escape since. Observation of SCP-2060's 
counterparts has shown no abnormalities besides an increased 
average Hume reading (although all readings fall within acceptable 
parameters). No 1010101 Westminster Abbey has ever been 
located. 


« SCP-2059 | SCP-2060 | SCP-2061 » 


SCP-2061: "Entire Local Family Chokes To Death On 
Single Calculator" 


Item #: SCP-2061 
Object Class: Safe 


Special Containment Procedures: SCP-2061 is kept in a standard 
containment locker at Site-76 in a secure container. Experimentation 
on and access to SCP-2061 is currently suspended indefinitely. 
Future experimentation with SCP-2061 is to be led by Foundation 
personnel employed as contractors by the Sharp Corporation. 


The three living 2061-Positive individuals are currently housed in 
Foundation-affiliated offsite inpatient psychiatric facilities, listed in 
Document 2061-C. Professional care at these facilities has been 
directed at avoiding visual contact between 2061-Positive individuals 
and objects capable of performing user-facing electronic 
mathematical calculations. 


Description: SCP-2061 is a late-1970s Sharp ElsiMate EL-1185 
electronic printing pocket calculator. SCP-2061 produces a 
compulsive effect in >99% of humans viewing it? in person, within a 
range of approximately 20 meters. This effect is nullified if there is 
any solid physical object between SCP-2061 and the viewer, even if 
the object is transparent. Windows, plastic bags and other clear 
objects have proven sufficient to prevent the manifestation of 
SCP-2061’s effect. 


The compulsive urge manifests as an irresistible desire to insert any 
object capable of performing user-facing electronic mathematical 
calculations into one’s own oral cavity, as deeply as possible. This 
urge manifests regardless of the harm caused by its being acted 
upon, and a number of fatalities and severe tracheal injuries were 
caused by SCP-2061 prior to the object’s transfer to SCP 
Foundation containment. 


SCP-2061’s cognitohazardous effect does not appear to manifest on 
any individuals who meet the following criteria: 


¢ Criterion A: Individuals who have received payment from the 
Sharp Corporation or any of its subsidiaries at any point in 
their lives 

¢ Criterion B: Individuals who have had unprotected sexual 
intercourseS with those meeting Criterion A. 


Individuals having sexual intercourse with those meeting Criterion B 
but not Criterion A do not have immunity from SCP-2061’s effects, in 
four known instances. 


Interviews with Sharp Corporation executives and investigation into 
corporate records has thus far unearthed no purposeful connection 
between Sharp and SCP-2061. 


Recovery: SCP-2061 was initially contained by the Trenton Police 
Department, after a family of five died of asphyxiation from inserting 
SCP-2061 into their oral cavities in turn. Initial responding officer R. 
Allen was able to insert SCP-2061 into a sealed evidence bag, as 
she met Criteria B for SCP-2061 immunity. This prevented discovery 
of SCP-2061’s anomalous effect until two investigators from the 
department died and one was hospitalized from its effects after 
removing SCP-2061 from its evidence bag, at which point the 
Foundation was notified. 


Initial press reports from the Trenton area were censored by Local 
Task Force 609-Semkath (“Super Bowl Three”). An excerpt of a 
Trenton Times article from 1976 regarding the first known 2061 
event is reproduced below: 


Footnotes 

1. Since SCP-2061’s initial containment in 1979, this category of 
objects has dramatically expanded, including phones, PDAs and 
other objects listed in External Containment Guidelines. 

2. Those able to be impacted by this compulsive urge are known as 
2061-Susceptible individuals. 

3. The requirements of “unprotected sexual intercourse” for the 
spread of SCP-2061 immunity are currently not fully understood, 
beyond direct bodily fluid contact. Further study on these 


requirements is currently proposed by Foundation demographic 
researchers. 


« SCP-2060 | SCP-2061 | SCP-2062 » 


SCP-2062: Kronecker 


Item #: SCP-2062 


SCP-2062 also affects any article labelled with the following code. 


*xObject Class:** Kronecker 


SCP-2062 does not affect the actual subject of any documentation, 
only the documentation itself. 


Die ganzen Zahlen hat der liebe Gott gemacht, alles 
andere ist Menschenwerk. 


God made the integers, all else is the work of man. 


« SCP-2061 | SCP-2062 | SCP-2063 » 


SCP-2063: A Past Vision of the Future 


Item #: SCP-2063 
Object Class: Euclid 


Special Containment Procedures: SCP-2063 should be mounted 
on its stand when not being tested, and stored in a secure enclosure 
no smaller than 3m x 3m x 3m. The stand itself should be securely 
mounted atop a 1.5 meter tall pedestal affixed to the floor, or 
otherwise securely fixed in the center of the room. Other than during 
approved testing, no object or obstruction other than the plastic 
stand is to come within a 1 meter spherical radius, centered on the 
point of contact between the ship and the stand, unless that object 
directly supports the stand itself. 


At least once every 60 days, SCP-2063 is to be removed from its 
plastic stand, carried around the enclosure for a period of 5 minutes, 
and then placed back onto its stand. This procedure has been 
demonstrated to prevent SCP-2063 from acting autonomously. 
However, in the event that SCP-2063 spontaneously attacks 
personnel or raises its "shields," personnel are advised to 
immediately put down any tools or weapons, move more than 2 
meters away from SCP-2063, and wait for SCP-2063 to lower its 
shields. (This typically occurs after 5 minutes of inactivity.) When its 
shields are down, SCP-2063 is generally considered safe to 
approach, and can be manually retrieved. 


SCP-2063 should be continually monitored by electronic means for 
EM and radio transmissions, as well as movement, and any 
unscheduled autonomous activity should be logged. 


All tests involving Landing Events must be scheduled in advance, 
and approved by Site management of Level 3 or higher, and should 
only be attempted within SCP-2063's secure enclosure. Outdoor 
testing is expressly prohibited. Landing Events involving maps, 
globes and other depictions of real locations are forbidden except as 


required by O5 Command. Destructive Materials Testing is currently 
prohibited, see Addendum 1 below. Deliberate observation of 
SCP-2063's autonomous behavior requires prior written approval 
from the site's Security Director. 


Description: SCP-2063 is a resin model of the USS Enterprise 
NCC-1701, resembling the ship of the same name from the 1966 
American television show, Star Trek. It measures approximately 28 
centimeters in length at its longest point. It includes a battery 
enclosure (currently empty) with a removable cover, and a black 
plastic display stand. 


Materials testing has revealed that the main bulk of the model is a 
solid mass of polyoxymethylene, laced with trace amounts of various 
heavy metals, including some radioactive isotopes (which have not 
been observed to lose mass as they decay,) as well as traces of 
Cibacron F Scarlet dye and human DNA. 


SCP-2063's primary anomalous effect occurs when the ship is 
removed from its stand. Subjects handling the ship report auditory 
hallucinations consistent with the main theme of the original Star 
Trek television series, as well as various iconic sound effects 
reminiscent of the show. If the ship is then placed onto any object in 
the room other than its stand, the room containing SCP-2063 
undergoes a Landing Event, as outlined below. 


In an SCP-2063 Landing Event, the room containing SCP-2063 
becomes "separated" from the facility, appearing black and 
impenetrable and emitting no radiation, except for a constant 
surface temperature of 20 degrees Celsius, and radio waves, which 
propagate normally between the interior of the room and the 
surrounding area. This makes it possible for researchers to 
communicate with test subjects inside the room during a Landing 
Event. 


Subjects in the room with SCP-2063 during a Landing Event 
likewise no longer perceive the outside world, other than the 
aforementioned behavior of radio waves. Instead, beyond the door 
and any windows, subjects report vistas of alien worlds, often 
corresponding either visually or thematically with the object 
SCP-2063 was placed upon. Furthermore, placing SCP-2063 on 


similar objects often results in the room "visiting" the same world in 
successive tests. Examples of worlds that can be reliably accessed 
in this manner include: 


Experiment ID# SCP-2063 placed Resulting 
upon: Xenoscape 
LE-003 Standard conference A grey cityscape 
tabie devoid of life. 
LE-005 Balsa wood dresser | A series of flat mesas 


apparently made of 
balsa wood. Constant 
pecking noises were 
audible, coming from 
underground. 

LE-018 Pepperoni pizza (hot) A series of vast 
underground chasms 
lined with pulsating, 
apparently organic 
masses. Molten lava 
visible at the bottom of 
the largest chamber. 

LE-019 Pepperoni pizza Same as previous 

(cooled) test, except lava 
replaced with volcanic 
rock and wall growth 
dead and decaying. 
Flag planted by test 
subjects in LE-018 
was still present, but 
appeared “chewed.” 


LE-023 Poster depicting an | Room connected to 
annotated map of Earth's actual moon. 
Earth's moon D-class were 


immediately sucked 
out of the room by 
explosive 
decompression. Later, 
Mare Imbrium Outpost 
personnel confirmed 
the presence of 


human remains; 
initiated cleanup. 
Containment 
procedures updated to 
preclude the use of 
maps without O5 
Approval. 


Please refer to Document 2063-LE-L for a comprehensive list of 
worlds visited to date. 


Subjects within the room during a Landing Event can exit the room 
normally, walk around on the extraterrestrial landscape, and even 
retrieve objects and artifacts. However, all foreign objects so 
retrieved dissolve without trace within 20 seconds after the 
termination of the Landing Event. 


A Landing Event terminates when SCP-2063 is picked up again by a 
human subject, or when all subjects affected by the Landing Event 
have been terminated. Upon termination of a Landing Event, the 
room is again visible and physically accessible from its original 
location on Earth.