FBI_ Official: Sounds like it's gonna be the 
Janitors' problem sooner rather than later 
bluntfiend: If it's who | think it is, | almost can't 


help but feel sorry for these guys. 
bluntfiend: ...Only almost, though. 
lesbian_gengar: in that case we should 
probably be on our guard just in case they try 
to pin it on us. 

tacticalCannabinoid: good idea 
FBI_Official: Ye 

polaricecraps: zoned out for a bit 
polaricecraps: but ftr i'm going with velveeta 


Document 3869-A: A brute force attack was utilized to access the 
contents of "heyjude.zip." Inside the archive was a short text file, 
presented here in its entirety. 


+ Input password 


You always find yourselves on the edge of 
something great, but never seem willing to 
take the final step towards brilliance. There is 
no room for cowardice in the world of anart, so 
consider this a one-time courtesy—a nudge in 
the right direction, if you will. We know you 
have it in you, but if you don't want to leave a 
lasting impression on your audience, we'll be 
more than happy to do it for you. 


You call yourselves gamers, but we can play 
your games, too. 


Are we cool yet? 


SCP-3870: The Ice-Cream Vigilante 


Item #: SCP-3870 
Object Class: Keter 


Special Containment Procedures: A specialized surveillance team 
of at least fifteen personnel is to be assigned to monitor news 
reports and traffic camera accident footage for SCP-3870 
appearances in public areas. Should SCP-3870 be identified with 
relation to any accidents involving injury or property damage, the 
surveillance team is to distribute misinformation in the area 
accordingly and administer amnestics as necessary. Any individuals 
determined to have encountered SCP-3870 are to be monitored for 
unusual behavior. 


Any companies associated with ice-cream products within 100 
kilometers of SCP-3870's current ICU location are to be routinely 
evaluated for pertinent information. Incidents of severe employee 
injuries are to be reported and investigated by the surveillance team. 


The physical comatose body of SCP-3870 is to remain in the 
intensive care unit of a Foundation-affiliated hospital.! The room 
SCP-3870 is assigned to is to be equipped with hidden cameras, 
and staff caring for the patient are to ensure that the room is empty 
of visitors for at least one hour each day. All expenses required for 
ongoing treatment are to be paid for under the guise of a 
philanthropist fund for medical research. Any family members 
seeking to visit the ICU are to be properly screened and 
administered low-dose amnestics upon departure. 


Encounters with SCP-3870-1 are to be documented in detail. Should 
any Foundation personnel be approached by SCP-3870-1, they are 
to refuse all offers of contractual agreements or discussion unless 
properly trained in the relevant interviewing technique. A dossier of 
acceptable terms and conditions for negotiation is to be provided to 
all staff assigned to the SCP-3870 case, and kept updated as new 


information on SCP-3870-1 is acquired. 


Description: SCP-3870 is a Japanese-American human male, 
appearing approximately 13-14 years of age, currently rendered 
comatose due to a traffic accident? involving an ice-cream truck 
collision. Despite its apparent non-responsive state, SCP-3870 is 
noted to periodically disappear from and reappear in its ICU room at 
the Hospital. 


During the periods of disappearance, sightings of SCP-3870 in 
public locations have been observed. These sightings usually 
involve the individual riding a bicycle identical to the one recovered 
from the scene of the aforementioned accident. While SCP-3870 
manifestations tend to occur within a 65-kilometer radius of the 

Hospital, it is currently unknown if there is a maximum range of 
its manifestation ability. The fastest soeed SCP-3870 has been 
observed to reach while on its bicycle is 20 km/hour. 


Attempts to accost SCP-3870 while manifested outside its ICU 
facility have indicated that it is highly resistant to most types of 
physical damage when active, and can trigger a return to its 
comatose state and location if fatigued. The minimum amount of 
time in-between successive manifestations is noted to be 
approximately 11 hours. While active, SCP-3870 does not respond 
to any attempts to communicate with it. 


SCP-3870 exhibits aggressive behaviors towards specific 
individuals, namely workers associated with some form of ice-cream 
product. The aggression (exhibited in the form of stalking, bodily 
harm, attempts to cause vehicular accidents, and framing individuals 
for additional crimes) seems to be directed equally at all of the 
aforementioned individuals regardless of their background history. 


Based on current Foundation records, the most common tactic used 
by SCP-3870 to inflict harm involves simply colliding with its target$ 
while riding its bicycle at high speeds. Thus far, the Foundation has 
attributed life-threatening injuries to SCP-3870. 


Occasionally, SCP-3870 will severely injure a worker instead of 
attempting to completely incapacitate them. This is believed to occur 
in order to aid SCP-3870-1. 


SCP-3870-1 is the designation assigned to an entity that has been 
briefly observed following SCP-3870 encountering and non-fatally 
dispatching one of its targets. SCP-3870-1 appears to be an 
androgynous humanoid, possessing a series of small irregular sharp 
protrusions along its forehead and shoulders. SCP-3870-1 is 
typically attired in various suits, apparently following the dress code 
of a Japanese salaryman. SCP-3870-1 has been noted to 
spontaneously appear and communicate with the worker targeted by 
SCP-3870, speaking for a few minutes before offering a handshake 
and departing on foot. 


Attempts to track SCP-3870-1 following these interactions have 
proven unsuccessful. When questioned by Foundation agents, 
injured civilians who encountered SCP-3870-1 reported only 
remembering that "a nice person" offered them assistance. Follow- 
up interviews have only uncovered minimal details, though affected 
individuals consistently respond that SCP-3870-1 provided them 
some form of treatment that allowed them to recover from their 
injuries quickly. None of the interviewees could ascertain how they 
were able to compensate SCP-3870-1 for the service, but all 
individuals interviewed expressed a satisfaction with the transaction 
and a desire to seek further assistance from SCP-3870-1. 


Very little information is known about SCP-3870-1, and as such 
communication has not been established. (Refer to Addendum 
SCP-3870-2.) 


Addendum SCP-3870-1: SCP-3870 was first brought to Foundation 
attention following a series of 911 emergency calls intercepted over 
the course of three months, mentioning a child on a bicycle 
appearing and colliding with an ice-cream truck. In all recorded 
cases, the driver of the vehicle sustained serious injuries, but was 
noted to have recovered unusually quickly. 


Subsequent investigations of the incidents revealed a consistency in 
the reported physical appearance of the child individual involved. 
Using this information, cross-referenced with prior accident records, 
the Foundation was able to match the physical description of the 
child to the comatose body of SCP-3870. 


The legal guardians of SCP-3870, who remained uninvolved in the 


media coverage of these accidents, did not present any resistance 
to the transfer of the individual to a Foundation-owned hospital. 


Addendum SCP-3870-2: On / /20 , SCP-3870-1 spontaneously 
manifested in the room where the comatose body of SCP-3870 was 
held. Dr. Brickston, a Level-2 researcher assigned to the case, was 
present during the manifestation. Foundation specialists were later 
brought in to routinely provide guidance on how to best interact with 
the entity. 


Following a period of negotiation with the support of a Foundation 
legal team, Dr. Brickston has since negotiated an ongoing contract 
with the entity: it was agreed upon that in exchange for SCP-3870-1 
being present for 30 minutes of interview time every 30 days, 
Brickston would provide a detailed account of SCP-3870's current 
health and any medical developments. 


Addendum SCP-3870-3: SCP-3870-1 has since manifested 
approximately once a month for recurring interviews. The following 
excerpt is from the third interview, in which the Foundation was first 
able to obtain additional information regarding SCP-3870's 
motivations. 


+ Show audio log excerpt 


Dr. Brickston: Did you make a deal with this 
boy? 


SCP-3870-1: Yes. But if you want to know 
more, you will tell me more about yourself. Tell 
me why are you keeping him. 


Dr. Brickston: It's my job to take care of him. 
If |can learn more about what happened to 
him and what he can do, that will help me keep 
him in good health. Tell me about how you 
make your deals. 


SCP-3870-1: Hmm... why are you his 
caretaker, rather than his family elders? | want 
your promise that you will not harm him. Then | 


will tell you more about myself. 


Dr. Brickston: | promise that | won't hurt him. 
Tell me what kind of deals you make? 


SCP-3870-1: All sorts. | can bring favor in 
riches, heal illness, give muscular strength, 
great beauty. Make people forget, make 
people disappear. Bring back the too-soon 
dead, for a good price. No immortality or 
flawless love, no human can pay for those. 


Dr. Brickston: If you're so powerful, why do 
you make deals? 


SCP-3870-1: When | collect a payment, | am 
granted the power to fulfill the contract. | am 
just a means of exchange. Most of the 
payments go to those | serve. 


Dr. Brickston: What did the boy pay you? 


SCP-3870-1: This boy... | made my first 
exception for. He has a special contract. 


Dr. Brickston: Why did you let such a young 
boy make a special contract? 


SCP-3870-1: The boy wanted more than he 
could pay for, and he asked if he could assist 
me. He is the first to ever ask. The boy isa 
good worker, even if his parents have 
forgotten my kind, even if he does not know 
what | am. 


Dr. Brickston: Did he ask you to heal his 
injuries? 


SCP-3870-1: No, he desired something else. 
What will you offer me to tell you? 


Further discussion is ongoing regarding how to continue low-risk 


affected by the substance it comes into contact with and the amount 
of SCP-505-1 present. Quantities of SCP-505-1 have been shown to 
increase at rates between 0.5 and 540 mL per second. Standard 
ink-removing chemicals are able to partially remove SCP-505-1 and 
inhibit its spread; however, sodium hydroxide is necessary to 
remove SCP-505-1 contamination completely, and has shown to be 
ineffective in environments with particularly high SCP-505-1 
concentrations. Fortunately, the growth rate of SCP-505-1 appears 
to be inversely proportional to its quantity at high concentrations. 
Whilst the observed effects of this are negligible in most cases, this 
inverse growth phenomenon provides the only explanation for the 
partial containment of SCP-505-1 despite a number of cases of 
large-scale environmental contamination which were projected to 
otherwise lead to an NK-class end-of-the-world scenario. 


Whilst SCP-505-1 exhibits no unusual properties other than its 
constant spread and partial resistance to removal, it nonetheless 
poses serious difficulties for control. SCP-505-1 will flow across non- 
absorbent surfaces and pass through porous surfaces in an identical 
fashion to normal ink. All liquid or solid objects or beings in contact 
with SCP-505-1 will be contaminated. SCP-505-1 will still adhere to 
non-porous surfaces such as metals, but newly produced 
SCP-505-1 will constantly flow off. Non-porous materials are thus 
catalysts for SCP-505-1 spread and all SCP-505-1 contamination 
should be covered in porous materials such as blotting paper for this 
reason. It is not possible to permanently contain SCP-505-1 ina 
non-porous container as said container's contents will gradually 
increase in quantity, leading to increased pressure and subsequent 
rupture. All containers being used to contain SCP-505-1 must 
therefore be drained periodically to prevent a containment breach. 


SCP-505-1's effects on its environment are identical to those of an 
equivalent quantity of standard fountain pen ink. SCP-505-1 
exposure will inevitably lead to the death of living organisms; plant 
matter will be killed due to inhibition of photosynthesis, whereas 
animals will be killed due to chemical poisoning. In humans and 
other mammals, SCP-505-1 contact will most likely be via the skin, 
where it will spread until it reaches an orifice or a break in the skin 
and subsequently enter the vascular system through mucous 
membranes. SCP-505-1 will soread through the vasculature and 


interaction with SCP-3870-1. At present, the Foundation's foremost 
concern is finding some means of intervention to prevent further 
casualties caused by SCP-3870, without violating contractual 
agreements set by SCP-3870-1. 


Addendum SCP-3870-4: On / /20 , SCP-3870-1 did not manifest 
for its scheduled monthly interview, and SCP-3870 disappeared 
from its room during the usual interview time. After running a facial- 
recognition satellite sweep of the surrounding area, the surveillance 
team assigned to SCP-3870 reported that both SCP-3870 and 
SCP-3870-1 had been found at a cemetery in close proximity to the 

Hospital. SCP-3870 and SCP-3870-1 appeared to be 
speaking together while visiting a grave, later identified as belonging 
to the deceased brother of SCP-3870. 


Due to the parents of SCP-3870 not being involved with the lives of 
SCP-3870 and the subject's brother, discussions have arisen 
regarding placing SCP-3870 in Foundation custody. Thus far, no 
actions have been taken regarding these discussions. 


Addendum SCP-3870-5: On / /20 , when SCP-3870-1 
manifested for its usual interview, it was accompanied by a young 
male child later confirmed to be the formerly-deceased brother of 
SCP-3870. SCP-3870-1 stated that SCP-3870 had fulfilled its first 
contract, and related a request from SCP-3870 to Dr. Brickston 
regarding the care of SCP-3870's brother. The brother of SCP-3870 
has since been brought into Foundation custody, and has been 
tentatively classified as POI-3870. 


To reflect these recent events, a proposal has been made to change 
the object class of SCP-3870 to Neutralized. 


Footnotes 

1. Currently, the Hospital of Kentlands, Maryland. 

2. Recovered records indicate that the individual's younger brother 
(age 7 years old) was also involved in the accident, and passed 
away before reaching the hospital. 

3. SCP-3870 has been observed to engage targets that are traveling 
either on foot or by ice-cream truck. 


« SCP-3869 | SCP-3870 | scp-3871 » 


SCP-3872: Consult an Alchemist 


Item #: SCP-3872 
Object Class: Safe 


Special Containment Procedures: SCP-3872 is to be contained in 
a standard humanoid containment cell furnished with furniture 
predating 1930, to minimize distress to SCP-3872. Additional 
requests may be approved by Dr. Jamesson as required. 


The following items were requested, and approved by Dr. Jamesson 
on the grounds of the improvement of SCP-3872's mental stability: 


¢ A phonograph. A modern replica was approved, and provided 
to SCP-3872 for use during recreation hours. Several period- 
appropriate records have been provided. 

* Several fountain pens, and notebooks. Modern reproductions 
of vintage-style fountain pens were provided, with an 
assortment of modern inks. 


Psychological counseling sessions shall take place with Dr. 
Jamesson on a biweekly basis. 


Under no circumstances is SCP-3872 to be informed of the 
existence of, nor introduced in any fashion to, SCP-2045.