SCP-2670-1: And see here, this great finale of this 
presentation! Look, like the wondrous and powerful 
Enola Gay, we too have crafted the cleansing fires. See 
now the devastation! 


A loud buzzing is heard, and the scene pans to see 
approximately 75 flying machines, styled after American 
bombers, moving slowly towards the large city in the 
distance. As they approach, they each begin to release a 
stream of large, dark objects from their interior. As the 
objects come in contact with the ground, they explode. 
Post interview analysis of the footage has concluded that 
it is likely these bombs, nuclear in design, all exceeded 
30mt. In the wake of the explosions, a massive crater is 
all that remains of the city. 


[END LOG] 
Addendum 2670-D: Foundation Protocol Paramount Regal 


NOTICE: Information pertaining to Protocol Paramount Regal is 
restricted to individuals with Level 2670/3 clearance. 2670/3 
Authorization codes required to access this document. 


+ Input 2670/3 Authorization Codes 


Foundation Protocol 
Information 


Codename: Paramount 
Regal 


Authorized by: Dir. Aktus, Site 81, O5-3, 
O5-4 


Date: 09/14/1984 


Overview: The following information is crucial 
to the ongoing containment of SCP-2670. 
Below is listed information regarding 
SCP-2670 that has led to the creation of this 
document. It was gathered by various drone- 
based observations of the interior of SCP-2670 
in light of the conflicts by the United States in 
Vietnam and with the USSR, and 
conversations with SCP-2670-2 away from 
SCP-2670-1. 


- It is currently believed that Group of Interest 
Beta-9 "Xadromius Prime" were, prior to the 
arrival of the structure referred to as the 
"Spire", a species of aquatic slug inhabiting a 
brine ocean, called the Xandromian Sea. 

- It is currently believed that the planet that the 
Xandromians call Xandromius was once 
referred to by a different name by the 
dominant species of the world, both currently 
unknown. 

- It is currently believed that, due to the 
anomalous effects imparted on the 
Xandromians by the "Spire", the Xandromians 
experienced a massive alteration of their 
original biology, resulting in increased mental 


capabilities, significantly improved speed, 
strength, and durability, and massively 
increased lifespan. 

- It is currently believed that, in an effort to 
completely emulate human culture, the 
Xandromians have caused the deaths of more 
than one billion sapient entities, primarily 
drawn from the previous dominant species of 
that world. 

- While currently there is no expected threat to 
Earth, the Foundation Ethics Committee has 
expressed a moral obligation to do what is 
required in order to end the suffering of 
afflicted entities on Xandromius Prime. 


To this end, the following script must be strictly 
followed during interactions with SCP-2670-1 
and SCP-2670-2. Failure to convince either 
entity of the truth of these statements may 
result in further devastation on Xandromius 
Prime, or retaliation against humans by the 
Xandromians. 


1.) The nations of Earth are at peace, and will 
remain at peace for the foreseeable future. 


2.) The nations of Earth have denounced the 
destruction of natural resources for gain. 


3.) The forests of the Earth are growing back 
to their former level of health. 


4.) The hoarding of wealth has been 
denounced, and all peoples of Earth are 
expected to care for and maintain the health 
and well-being of all other creatures on Earth. 


5.) All religions have been dissolved, and a 
global culture of humanistic virtue is being 
fostered. 


6.) Due to the nature of Earth's atmosphere 
away from the , it is imperative that 
neither SCP-2670-1 or SCP-2670-2 go further 
than 50m from SCP-2670, for their own safety. 


7.) Additionally, due to concerns about the 
nature of Earth's atmosphere in the light of 
recent ecological events, the Xandromians 
must not use the Spire to view any other part 
of Earth, outside of the area directly around 
SCP-2670. If asked, personnel are required to 
state that humanity does not want to bring any 
harm to the inhabitants of Xandromius, and 
that this is especially important. 


8.) The changes expressed in this document 
are unanimously seen as a positive 
improvement by the population of the Earth. 


Footnotes 

1. The reference point in time has not been static, and it is currently 
believed that the Xandromians have viewed Earth at various points 
throughout its history 


« SCP-2669 | SCP-2670 | SCP-2671 » 


SCP-2671: My buddy, the bird 


Photograph of SCP-2671 taken before containment. 


Item #: SCP-2671 
Object Class: Safe 


Special Containment Procedures: SCP-2671 is to be stored ina 
standard storage container, and placed on a pedestal which is to be 
bolted to the center of the cells floor for testing purposes. All 
experiments conducted utilizing SCP-2671 must be approved by at 
least one personnel with Level 3 clearance Project Director Dave 
McCree (See Addendum 2671-02). SCP-2671 is not to be removed 
from its containment cell as it is the designated room subject to 
SCP-2671 effects and may cause unknown alterations to spaces 
other than its cell. In the even that this does occur, refer to 
procedure 2671. 


Procedure 2671: In the event that SCP-2671 has been moved out 
of its containment cell, 

personnel are to immediately recover SCP-2671. If this is not 
possible due to an anomalous effect caused by SCP-2671, 
personnel are to leave the room for a period of 5 seconds until 
SCP-2671 has produced another effect. This process is to be 
repeated until movement of SCP-2671 is possible, afterward, two or 
more designated personnel (maintaining direct eye contact at all 
times) are to move SCP-2671 back into its containment cell. 


Description: SCP-2671 appears to be a standard "dipping bird" toy 
manufactured by the TEDCO toy company. It possesses several 
scratches along the toy as per normal wear, and its internal fluid has 
shifted color from its marketed color blue to yellow possibly due to 
long UV ray exposure. Despite the toy being in a workable condition, 
it does not preform a dipping cycle when used. 


SCP-2671 was discovered on 10/ /14 in the abandoned family 


SCP-303: The Doorman 


Item #: SCP-303 
Object Class: Euclid 


Special Containment Procedures: As SCP-303 has not yet been 
known to travel beyond the boundaries of Site, the entire area of 
Site is currently considered SCP-303's containment area. All 
rooms in Site are to be altered where possible so as to have two 
entrances separated by a distance of 10m or line of sight. Personnel 
are to be distributed evenly throughout the facility, with available 
radio or intercom contact, so that encounters may be resolved 
quickly. Personnel who witness SCP-303 are to be submitted for 
immediate psychiatric evaluation. 


All SCP objects housed at Site since before 6/4/10 are to be 
transferred to Site -B one ata time. Each SCP object will be 
transferred again to Site -A once it can be verified that SCP-303 
has not migrated from Site with it. Once SCP-303 either migrates 
to Site -B, or remains present at Site once all SCPs in question 
have been transferred to Site -A, containment procedures will be 
updated as appropriate. 


Description: Witnesses describe SCP-303 as a nude, sexless, 
emaciated humanoid figure with reddish-brown skin. Instead of 
normal facial features, its head is dominated by an extremely large 
mouth, which bears a set of oversized human teeth. It continually 
vocalizes a wheezing noise, loud enough to be heard from the other 
side of most solid doors. All individuals who have had encounters 
with SCP-303 are capable of describing it in full, including 
individuals who have not physically seen any part of it. 


SCP-303 will periodically materialize behind any closed door, hatch, 
or other entryway barrier opposite a sentient observer, chosen by 
unknown means. SCP-303 will then remain behind the door for an 
indeterminate amount of time. Any individual attempting to open the 


home of the [REDACTED] family in Texas. Files recovered 
from the City Hall had indicated that the residence had been 
condemned earlier on / /14, due to major fire damages. How the 
fire was started, and the current location of the [REDACTED] family 
is still unknown. Interviews with two fire investigators who were 
involved in the recovery site of SCP-2671 confirmed they had 
become witness of SCP-2671's effects. However the interviews 
weren't conclusive, and the investigators were administered class C 
amnestics. SCP-2671's original box was also recovered from the 
site, but depicted blue-tinted fluid instead of its current shade of 
yellow. 


SCP-2671's effects will engage after both of the following terms 
have been satisfied. 


(1). One human subject has entered a room along with SCP-2671 
(2). Prior to said person entering the room, there must be a5 
second period of no line of sight contact made with SCP-2671. 


Once satisfied, the effects of SCP-2671 will not cease until the 
subject has left the room. If there is more than one subject present 
in the room, SCP-2671's effects will not activate whatsoever. 
Surveillance cameras placed in SCP-2671's containment chamber 
have captured the anomalous transitions of its effects between 
frames. Its transitions are virtually instantaneous, even with 
examinations of light-speed camera footage capable of capturing 1 
trillion FPS. 


The Anomalous effects of SCP-2671 are not specific, and has 
shown a variety of different anomalous effects with no repetition so 
far. It is however sapient, and has demonstrated the ability to 
respond to questions offered to it, express emotion, and make 
comedic references. A list of all experiments conducted have been 
documented below.! 


Test Log 2671 
Test 2671-01 : Default Procedures, See Footnote 1. 


Test Results 
The inside of SCP-2671's entire containment unit 


becoming covered completely with pictures of 

itself in front of a white background. Each had a different 
size with an average of 5cm X 5cm. The pictures were 
painted instantaneously onto the walls of the cell via an 
unknown process. 


Test 2671-02 : Default Procedures, See Footnote 1. 


Test Results 

SCP-2671 was turned completely upside down while 
floating 8 centimeters above it's pedestal for the period 
that the subject remained in the room, reverted to its 
normal position 10 seconds after the subject left the 
room. 


Test 2671-03 : Default Procedures, See Footnote 1. 


Test Results 

The pedestal on which SCP-2671 was originally placed 
had been moved with nothing anchoring it to the right 
wall adjacent to the container's door. The four bolts 
attaching the pedestal to the cell floor were delicately 
balanced on top of each other on the top hat of 
SCP-2671; SCP-2671 was found placed on the floor. 


Test 2671-04 : Default Procedures, See Footnote 1. 


Test Results 

SCP-2671 had been stretched over 40 times its normal 
width to have its ends touch the left and right walls to it, 
however its height and depth remained constant. 


Test 2671-05 : Default Procedures, See Footnote 1. 


Test Results 

The inside of SCP-2671s containment chamber had 
become a glass room similar to that of the inside of 
SCP-2671 fluid bulb, however, it did not include any of its 
fluid. The background presented outside of the glass 
bulb depicted what is believed to be an enlarged version 
of bedroom in the [REDACTED] family home. The room 


contained what appeared to be paraphernalia relating to 
that of a 10 year old boy. The pedestal on which 
SCP-2671 was placed had a miniature steel replica of its 
containment chamber, constructed to .02% of the cell's 
actual scale. 


Test 2671-06 : Default Procedures, See Footnote 1. 


Test Results 

The inside of SCP-2671's containment chamber became 
completely transparent, but seemed to 

replicate the effect of one-way glass. Subjects inside the 
cell could see the personnel outside, but personnel on 
the outside saw the containment cell as normal. 


Test 2671-07 : Default Procedures, See Footnote 1. 


Test Results 

Everything left unchanged inside SCP-2671's 
containment cell, except SCP-2671 itself, which had 
become animate and hopped slowly while making small 
vocalizations. Its calling and actions were similar to that 
of Cyanocitta Cristata. It did not at any time attempt to fly 
or escape the room, even when compelled out of the 
chamber with bird seed. 


Test 2671-08 : Default Procedures, See Footnote 1. 


Test Results 

SCP-2671 showed no anomalous properties while the 
subject remained in the containment chamber. 
SCP-2671 functioned as it was designed with the cup of 
water provided by a researcher. 


Test 2671-09 : Default Procedures, See Footnote 1. 


Test Results 

SCP-2671 had generated an unknown amount of 
observably identical replicas of itself in a row placed to 
its left side. Each replica had decreased in scale by a 
factor of 2. Closer examination with an electron scanning 


microscope had identified that the replicas had been 
generated down to the cellular level, the row ceased at 
approximately 8.84 um when duplicates of SCP-2671 
were no longer possible. 


Test 2671-10 : Default Procedures, See Footnote 1. 


Test Results 
SCP-2671 had trans-materialized into a concrete 
sculpture of itself. 


Test 2671-11 : Default Procedures, See Footnote 1. 


¢ Test Results A 

SCP-2671's eyes had been replaced with two different 
stickers in a worried expression. The door 

was closed for 5 seconds then the same subject was 
prompted to re-enter the containment 

chamber. Test 2671-11 Result B occurred afterward. 


* Test Results B 

SCP-2671 laid face up on its pedestal with its base 
pointing toward the ceiling, the previous 

sticker-eyes were replaced with eye closed expressions. 
The liquid contained inside of SCP-2671 

had been completely spilled out from a crack located in 
SCP-2671's base bulb. 


Test 2671-12 : Default Procedures, See Footnote 1. 
Test Results 


SCP-2671 had filled the room with approximately 40,388 
standard ping-pong balls. They did not spill out from the 
doorway, and made a wall up to the point where the 
doorway ended. 


Test 2671-13 : One D-Class subject walking into the 
containment chamber backwards. 


Test Results 


SCP-2671 appeared wearing a miniature tooled leather 
vest and held a miniature "Bang gun" toy which deployed 
.05 seconds after the subject turned around. 


Test Comments 
"I'll admit that one was pretty gooa" - Dr. 


Test 2671-14 : One D-Class subject sent into the 
containment chamber with a video camera. 


Test Results 

SCP-2671 had been found with a red pair of plastic arms 
with white gloves attached to its central glass tube, they 
had been posed in an eye-covering position. 


Test 2671-15 : One Border Collie placed into the 
containment chamber. 


Test Results 
No effect, SCP-2671 was confirmed non-responsive to 
non-sapient organisms. 


Test 2671-16 : One D-Class subject holding a peice of 
paper, printed with the math problem presented below. 


If a right triangles long leg is 10 inches, and its 
short leg is 6 inches, what is the length of the 
hypotenuse rounded to the nearest 
hundredth? 


Test Results 

The instant the D-Class subject entered the room, 
SCP-2671 had 2 plastic arms similar to that described in 
test 2671-14. SCP-2671 held a 1*2 inch white board with 
the number 11.66 written in blue marker onto it. 


Test Comments 

"Well, it can do math. It seems to almost play with us as 
we test it. These experiments seem to be showing signs 
of sapience in this thing too, perhaps we should ask it 
some questions." - Dr 


Test 2671-17 : One D-Class subject given a written 
paper asking "Who are you?". 


Test Results 
SCP-2671 was turned around toward the back wall. 


Test 2671-18 : Procedure in test 2671-17 repeated. 


Test Results