Good choice. 


Okay, tubby. What's your question? How do you get in one of the 
groups with coffee an' donuts? You go fuck yourself, that's how. 


Okay, the skinny twerp with the goatee. Clef? He's a researcher 
slash agent slash | don't know what the fuck. Seriously, most of the 
stories you hear about him are bullshit. The rest are also bullshit, but 
may be based on something that kinda happened once if you squint. 
In any case, you ain't Clef, so don't get any ideas. When you've 
been around a while, then you can start thinkin’ about emulatin’ him, 
except you'll be too smart to. 


Okay, the dame by the door. The monkey? That's Doctor Bright. 
He's harmless. That bein’ said, you got a taser. He has genitalia. 
You do the math. 


So that concludes my briefin'. Since you been so good, | arranged to 
get punch an' cookies. It ain't as good as coffee an' donuts, but 
hey... ours ain't fulla laxatives. 


Trick or Treat 


Hey, pal, nice costume. Yeah. | like the way it's just your face with a 
couple of strings attached. 


Okay, that's far enough. Yeah, it's a real piece, so why don't you 
come along quiet-like? That's the ticket. Just over here, an' we can 
have a little talk. 


So, the reason I'm here is—stop that. It ain't gonna work. We had 
plenty of time t'figure out what it was you did, an' we got a fix for it. 
So you can just relax. You're collared, so you might as well find out 
who by. 


Anyway, the reason I'm here is that I'm part of a group what contains 
objects or people what are of an unusual nature. Yeah, like yerself. 
Sucks t'be you, | know. 


Now, you could try t'run, but this gun'll stop you before you get too 
far. Won't kill ya, but you'll get a helluva headache when you wake 
up. This'd drop a horse, an' you weigh a helluva lot less than a 
horse. 


So, | came here t'find out if the rumors were true, an’ there really 
was somethin’ here matchin' your description. We saw you a couple 
days ago, but | figured we'd see you out on the town t'night. 


| always liked Halloween. | could have any face | wanted. You got a 
face like mine, you look forward to wearin’ a mask. So | sympathize. 
Only time of the year you get to come out an' mingle. 


Anyway, we just been waitin’ fer you to come out where we could 
nab ya. My partner's watchin’ us, an' pretty soon we'll go for a ride in 
our van to yer new home. 


Ain't fair? Yeah, | know. | get that a lot. An’ yer right, it ain't. This 
were an ideal world, we could all live in peace. Unfortunately, you 


an' me were born in a cold bastard of a universe what doesn't give a 
fuck about fairness or justice. All we got is the best we can do. 


Yer ma? I'm sorry, kid. We can't go back to see her. I'll make sure to 
get someone t'talk to her so she don't worry too much. Honestly, 
she's probably not gonna remember a whole lot of this. It's one of 
the things we do. But we'll make sure she's okay. You got my word. 
Hell, tell you what. We bring you in, we'll say you agreed on 
condition we get some cash to her, make sure she's nice an' comfy 
for the rest of her life. The higher-ups will buy it. First lesson for ya. 
Skips who cooperate have life a hell of a lot easier than the ones 
who fight back. They'll get what they want no matter what, but you 
could make things easier on 'em. They ain't stupid. They'll reward 
good behavior. 


| can't let you go, kid. Yer in too deep. Yeah, you say you won't hurt 
nobody, an' | believe ya. But we ain't the only ones out there. 
There's other folks in this game. Only they don't want to keep you 
contained. They wanna kill you, or worse, turn you into a weapon. 
They could make you hurt people. | seen it done. An' they'll hurt 
people t'get to you. People like yer ma. 


See, there's a lot of threats out there. Some of 'em are other people. 
Some of 'em are things that would destroy the world if we let 'em. 
I've seen what's out there, an’ it ain't friendly. Some of it's wonderful, 
some of it may help us, but some of it sincerely scares the shit outta 
me, an' | don't scare easy. There are so many things out to get us, 
someone's gotta be out there on humanity's side. 


Nobody's on your side? ...Yeah, but I'll tell ya what. You have any 
real problems, you think your bein’ treated too cruel, tell yer guard to 
get word to Max Lombardi. | don't got a whole lotta pull myself, but | 
could maybe put a word in the ear of someone who does. Ain't 
gonna promise nothin’. Nobody's gonna make everythin’ right, 
y'know. We just do the best we can. 


Command Performance 


Fuck! Mother fucking... 

Open fire! Open fire! 

Shit! It's still coming. 

Don't shoot it in the head. I... Kimura! Fuck! 

Shoot the legs! Shoot the fucking legs! 

Shin, get the blast doors! Pull back, you sons of bitches! 
Okay. We got some breathin' space. Let's see the damage. 


Kimura, yer gonna be okay. | seen worse. Just lie back a few. We'll 
see to ya. 


Awright, hunker down, you assholes. Sir, orders? 


Sir? Boys, secure the perimeter. Me an' the Captain need to have a 
chat. 


Sir, you gonna be okay? No, excuse me. With all due respect, sir, 
you are gonna be okay. Because my boys are countin' on you to get 
us outta this. So what are yer goddamn orders. 


Okay. Get things secured. I'm gonna go do that. You just get yer 
head right, okay? First time on a bug hunt like this, yer bound to get 
a little freaked. It's okay. 


Jones, Hammouddi. Report. 


Backup power's gonna last at least another hour. Plenty of time. 
Don't worry. We got this. Ain't we the baddest motherfuckers in the 
land? Keep yer eyes sharp, your heads down, an’ we'll make it out 
okay. 


Jackson, how's Kimura? Okay. Just stick with him, long as possible. 
We'll keep you covered. Don't leave him alone until... Well. He 
shouldn't oughtta be alone right now. 


Zimmer, keep workin' on comms. We gotta figure out what the fuck 
the rest of the site's up to. See if they're workin’ on power, or if we're 
on our own. 


Awright, Captain. How ya doin'? 


Look. Didja think this shit was gonna be easy? I'm gonna be frank 
with ya. This is what the real world's like. This is what me an' my 
boys deal with. You wanted combat experience, this is it. You 
maybe thought you'd just keep yer head down, get enough 
experience t'get promoted, but that just ain't gonna happen. Yer in 
this unit, you get in the blender, just like the rest of us. 


So, here's the situation. We ain't seen the insurgents since the first 
attack. We've heard lots of gunfire, though, so whatever they're 
after, they ain't got it yet. | think they're on this level, but | can't be 
sure until we make contact. The ugly fucker's tryin’ to get through 
the blast doors. | don't think it'll manage for a while. Even when the 
aux power goes out completely, the blast doors'll be sealed shut. 
However, | don't wanna count on it bein' stopped cold. More, if it 
can't get through this way, it's gonna go somewhere else, maybe get 
away. Aux power's gonna go down in maybe forty-five minutes, an’ 
we'll have even more breaches. We need to get power back online, 
an' keep its attention so it doesn't try t'get offsite. Once we got 
power, the automatic systems should let us trap it pretty easy until 
help arrives. 


So, what're your orders? 


The... Sir, we can't set off the fuckin’ nuke. That's a last fuckin' 
resort. Even if we get a major breach, we ain't the only assets in the 
area. Site 34's... 


No, sir, we haven't been able to contact 'em, but that's because 
we're underground, an' the comm system's out. Yes, I'm sure 
they're... Yes sir. Yes, | understand. I'll give the orders. 


Jones, yer squad's goin’ with the Captain. You gotta get him to the 
shelter. Take him through the tunnels. It'll take longer, but the fucker 
can't fit through there, so you should be safer. Keep yer heads 
down, though. We got insurgents runnin’ around, and God only 
knows what the fuck else they let outta their cages. The rest of you 
are gonna move down to Hall 42. Make a ruckus, get fugly's 
attention. Be ready to shut the blast doors soon as it gets close. 
Barnes, yer with me. 


Yes, Captain? No, sir. | ain't goin’ with you. I'm gonna go make one 
more try to fix the power. An’ then | won't get into the fuckin’ shelter 
until every last one of my boys is there. 


Yes sir. | see. | still ain't goin’. Don't give that order. We'll both regret 
it. 


Thank you, sir. I'll have power back up by the time you get to the 
shelter. | don't, then you can think about settin' off the nuke. 


So, after that, me an' Barnes, we went to get the power turned on. It 
was a longshot, but if the Captain wasn't gonna wait for my boys, | 
was gonna give 'em the best chance possible. 


Yes sir, | know my place is with my men, especially with our 
commandin' officer out. But I'm an engineer. | was the only one who 
could get the power runnin’. Like | said, the best chance they had. 
Barnes was with me every step... Well, almost every step. 


Yes, | did leave him, but it was for ten, fifteen minutes tops. | had to 
get some breakers reset, an' | needed him watchin’ the doors. 


Anyway, it took us some time, but we got the power back on. Once 
we did, we were able to get ugly contained pretty easy, an’ the 
reinforcements from Site 34 cleaned up the insurgents. 


Jones told me he was ordered by the Captain to cover his retreat 
down the tunnels after he got pinned down by insurgents. We found 
the Captain dead in the shelter. Never got to the button, doesn't look 
like. 


SCP-731: Rathole Cover 


Item #: SCP-731 
Object Class: Euclid 


Special Containment Procedures: A system of decommissioned 
utility tunnels at Site 9 was sealed off and converted into a mock 
sewer system covering an area approximating six city blocks, with 
seventeen "street-level" access points sized to fit SCP-731-1. D- 
class personnel are sent to "check the manhole covers" every one to 
two weeks to ensure that SCP-731-1 does not attempt to stray 
farther afield. All other horizontal access hatches or aperture covers 
within a five-kilometer radius have been sealed or retrofitted to a 
form factor incompatible with SCP-731-1. 


The mock sewer system is to be kept impenetrable to the entrance 
or exit of any vermin or other small creatures. A mixture of simulated 
wastewater and refuse is to be cycled intermittently through the 
system via pumps. Human access to the sub-street level system is 
via decontamination locks; the sub-street level is not considered 
hazardous but care must be taken against any unexpected tricks or 
traps that may be set by the SCP-731-2 contained within. 
SCP-731-2 is classified as Safe. 


Description: SCP-731-1 is a steel disk 63 cm in diameter, 
approximately 3 cm thick, weighing 55 kg. On its upper side it 
resembles an ordinary manhole cover with two apertures for the 
insertion of lifting picks and a traction pattern embossed in its 
surface that resembles a maze. A logo in the center consists of two 
short bars with arcs extending from their midsections. The 
appearance of the cover does not correspond to any known utility 
system or manufacturer, though the logo could potentially represent 

or . On the underside of the disk is an intricate 
geometric pattern of etched curves whose purpose or meaning is 
unclear. 


No sir, | didn't know the shelter's cameras were workin’. What'd they 
pick up? 


Tall fucker in a trenchcoat. Sounds like Nobody. Wonder what the 
fuck he was doin’ there? I'll talk to security, get a rundown of 
everything missin’. No sir, | don't know how he got through all of us. 
I'll talk to the boys, see if anyone saw anything. Take it from me, 
though, | bet they didn't. You don't see Nobody unless he wants you 
to see him. 


Almost like he was tryin' to make a point or somethin’. 


Hiccup Jacet 


Heh. It's funny. | always tell my boys, don't give your life fer the 
Foundation. Make some other bastard give his. But here | am. 
Fuckin' hypocrite, that's what | am. But nobody ever promised me 
retirement, so that's okay. 


| figure | got another ten minutes before they make it through the 
door. Closest backup is fifty miles away, an' | know Barnes ain't 
gonna make it to ‘em in time. Hey, Barnes, if yer still listenin’, you 
better make it, you fuckin’ asshole. You hear me? 


This place is gonna blow pretty soon. There are plenty of safety 
protocols in one of these plants, but I'm an engineer. | Know exactly 
the wrong things to do an’ in what order. | don't know just when, but 
it'll take out a good chunk of the countryside when it does. Wait 'til 
after before you come in. There ain't time for anyone to come get 
me. Nobody's gettin’ outta here alive, if | have anything t'say about 
it. Got one last bullet, an' damned if I'm gonna waste it on those 
assholes. 


So, | don't know who else can hear me. Fuckers broke the receiver, 
but so far as | can tell, the transmitter's still good. So, | wanna say 
somethin’ to the rest of you. 


We are the ones who save the world. Not the doctors, not the 
council, no one else. Us. We're the last line of defense. The only 
line. Remember that. Don't die for the Foundation. Don't fight for the 
Foundation. Fight for the six billion folks who won't wake up 
tomorrow if you don't. That's worth dyin’ for. Some old fart wants to 
play with skips? He can go fuck himself. 


You ain't machines. You ain't tin soldiers. You're people, men an' 
women who do the shit nobody else can do. An' people make a 
choice. There's a damned big difference between doin’ the job 
because you were told to, an' doin’ it because it's gotta be done. | 
don't care if it's the same fuckin’ job, there's a goddamned 


difference. There's gotta be, or what the hell else are we fightin’ for? 


An’ | want you to remember, each and every one of you, that you 
ain't alone. You understand? None of us are ever alone. We got 
each other. Every agent that's alive is there t'watch your back. No 
matter what happens, you're one of us. Doesn't matter if you're a 
saint or an asshole, you're family. You got hundreds of brothers an' 
sisters right there in the shit with you, ready to pull you out. 


An' when you're alone, you're still not alone. Every agent who came 
before, every one who's comin’ after you, they are with you. 
Everyone you ever trained with, everyone who's watched your back 
or bitched to you at meals is with you. You carry them with you, so 
long as you remember that you ain't alone. And you pass that on to 
everyone you meet. When we die, we deserve to know that we ain't 
alone. No matter what happens. We got each other. 


Oh, an' one last thing. I'm proud of ya. If we ever worked together, 
no matter what else | said to you, I'm proud of you. Even if | ain't 
never laid eyes on you, just for doin’ the job, I'm proud of ya. 


It's been an honor, guys. An' when you come in, if this don't finish 
‘em off... Give 'em hell for Max Lombardi. 


The Man Who Wasn't There Hub 


Yesterday upon the stair 
| met aman who wasn't there 
He wasn't there again today 
| wish, | wish he'd go away 


-Antigonish, by Hughes Mearns, 1899 


The Life and Death of Iteration 
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