Item Description: A heart-shaped Valentine's Day card that 
appears to throb like a real human heart. Anyone who watches it 
gets a better understanding of the concept of love. 

Date of Recovery: 02-14-2010 

Location of Recovery: A house in Seattle, Washington. 
Current Status: In storage. 


Item Description: A small brown glass bottle, with approximately 
250 ml of unknown hallucinogenic liquid inside. The item has a 
faded label made from paper, Liquid has been described as being 
clear, odorless and tasteless. Liquid is of an unknown chemical 
composition, not matching any known pure elements. 

Date of Recovery: - - 

Location of Recovery: The lab of Dr. and Dr. in the 
country 

Current Status: In dark, cold storage unit at Site- 


Item Description: A headpiece accessory for a costume resembling 
a set of bull horns. When worn, the subject feels unreasonably 
furious against red objects and tries to charge into them. 

Date of Recovery: 06-05-199 

Location of Recovery: A costume shop in , Spain. 

Current Status: In storage. Investigating if it is actually a piece of a 
bigger costume. 

Note: Why the @#! have we got red walls?! Seriously! - Agent 


Item Description: | Poodle. | have brown hair. When | talk about 
me, | talk in first-person perspective. | also talk in weird voice. 
Date of Recovery: 04-21-201 

Location of Recovery: | found in pet shop in [REDACTED], Hong 
Kong. 

Current status: | live in Site 45. | no like. 

Note: Cat keep going away. | no like. 


Item Description: A one dollar bill (US currency) that, upon 
insertion into a vending machine, will dispense the item that is 
chosen, then return to the owner, as if it was never accepted. 

Date Of Recovery: - -20 

Location of Recovery: Unknown as to its original discovery. It was 
found to exist by Dr. [REDACTED], while inserting the bill into a 
drinks vending machine in [REDACTED], Wisconsin. 


Current Status: In possession of Dr. . He is testing its other 
anomalous effects, including the occurrences of sold-out items and 
items costing more than $1 US. 

Note: This bill is not to be used to pay for items, and should be A) 
kept out of wallets, and B) marked with an SCP logo, to eliminate 
confusion. 


Item Description: A 17x17x20 cm birdhouse. Any non-avian animal 
coming into contact with it is immediately launched into the 
stratosphere at a velocity of 3 km/s. 

Date Of Recovery: 01-23-2017 

Location of Recovery: Toronto, Canada 

Current Status: Incinerated. 


Item Description: The ashes of the the previous AO. Presumably, 
any non-avian animal coming into contact with it is immediately 
launched into the ground at a velocity of 3 km/s. 

Date Of Recovery: 01-27-2017 

Location of Recovery: Canadian Outpost-03 

Current Status: Dispersed and neutralized on impact. 

Note: Significant structural damage to Candian Outpost-03 has been 
sustained. Researchers Barrow, Smithson (the handler), and Zurrey 
expired. Cover story of a military ordnance failure disseminated. 


Item Description: Two lightswitches connected to a single circuit. 
When in use, any human who interacts with the object will select the 
switch opposite of the one they intend to. 

Date of Recovery: 04-13-2013 

Location of Recovery: Apartment 12-A, Hoosegow Developments, 
Milwaukee, Wisconsin 

Current Status: Installed in Researcher Smith's office on request. 


Item Description: An inanimate empty space in the approximate 
shape of a baggy shirt, wide trousers, and a long cape. When a 
human walks into the space from behind, it will move and act as 
worn clothing. Despite being perceived as intangible and 
transparent, subjects are incapable of recalling details of anything 
that would normally be obscured by clothing of the same shape. 
Date of Recovery: 02-09-1967 

Location of Recovery: On top of Hadrian's Wall near Whitby, 
Yorkshire 


Current Status: Mannequin in Site-45's Anomalous Clothing 
Storage. 


Item Description: A bag of brand chips that duplicates every 7 
hours. Duplications exhibit this property. 

Date of Recovery: 04-16-2 

Location of Recovery: Site- Canteen 

Current Status: Used as snacks in Site- . 


Item Description: A water fountain located in Gilbert Arizona. When 
an American coin of any value is thrown in and the user makes a 
wish, said wish will come true exactly 24 hours later. (Effect will only 
happen if the user does not say what wish is within the timespan 
leading up to it coming true) 

Date of Recovery: 11-12-2014 

Location of Recovery: Gilbert, Arizona 

Current Status: Located in Dr. Lang's office at Site-12. 


Item Description: An empty bottle of brand soda that will cause 
any liquid poured out of it to instantly relocate to the users stomach. 
Liquids pass through the users digestive system non-anomalously. 
Date of Recovery: 03-10-2015 

Location of Recovery: Soda Factory in Waco, Texas 

Current Status: In the cupboard of Dr. _ 's office at Site-44. 

Note: You can't even taste the soda you're trying to drink. You're 
getting all of the sugar and none of the flavor. Talk about a lose- 
lose. -Dr. 


Item Description: A patch of skin formerly present on the left calf of 
an adult Caucasian male. A tattoo is present on the object that reads 
"Mr. Just Has The Tattoo, by Gamers Against Weed". This tattoo 
has resisted all attempts at removal. Skin was removed during a 
grafting procedure. Previous owner has assumed a completely new 
identity since the procedure and claims to have no memory of his 
time with the tattoo. 

Date of Recovery: 05-02-2016 

Location of Recovery: Richmond, Virginia 

Current Status: In cryogenic storage. 

Note: The tattoo's previous owner possessed a list similar to other 
"Misters Against Weed". The document is included below. 


Additionally, while the tattoo was still present on its owner, the 
subject claimed to have no memory of receiving the tattoo and that it 
had been present since birth. 


Display Document 


Holy Heck! You've just found yourself your 
very own Mr. Just Has The Tattoo by Gamers 
Against Weed! There isn't even a blurb for this 
One, it has that little substance. Who is Dr. 
Wondertainment? 

Collect them all and become Mr. Gamer! 


01. Mr. Literal Serial Killer 

02. Mr. Normie 

03. Mr. Bernie Sanders 

04. Mr. Get Anything For Free In Any Shop 
20. Mr. Sex Number 

21. Mr. Heavenly Virtues 

22. Mr. Deadly Sins 

23. Mr. Original Character 

24. Mr. D.A.R.E. 

25. Mr. Gentrification 

26. Mr. Mad About Video Games 

27. Mr. Meme 

28. Mr. Ominous (discontinued) 

29. Mr. Destiny 

30. Mr. Monty Python And The Holy Grail 
31. Ms. Zapatista 

32. Mr. Hax 

33. Mr. Just Has The Tattoo Y 

34. Mr. Top Text and Mr. Bottom Text 
35. Mr. Finale 


Item Description: Cool. 

Date of Recovery: 09-02-2017 

Location of Recovery: Retrieved during a raid on a known anartist 
exhibition in Sydney, Australia. 

Current Status: Not. 


Item Description: It is not a shape that does not make any mention 


of it opposite. It doesn't do that. 

Date of Recovery: 03-06-2012 

Location of Recovery: Definitely not ; ; 

Current Status: | can guarantee it isn't located in Site- 's Low 
Value Containment Area. 


Item Description: Two physically non-anomalous humans Arin 
Hanson and Dan Avidan. Any content uploaded by either of them 
onto the internet will immediately receive approximately 200-300 of 
what the platform's way of sharing or enjoying something is, such as 
"likes" on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr and YouTube. This will occur 
despite the page they uploaded not being viewed by anything. 

Date of Recovery: 05-26-2015 

Location of Recovery: Twitter; the anomaly was discovered by 
Web crawler XIO-177 and was automatically marked as an anomaly. 
Current Status: Currently hosting several popular internet web- 
series. No online comments regarding the anomaly have been noted 
since discovery. 


Item Description: A lunchroom vending machine that dispenses 
golden and silver dollars as change, despite no coins being present 
within the machine. 

Date of Recovery: 02-03-2017 

Location of Recovery: High School, , Rhode 
Island 

Current Status: Kept in Site- 's cafeteria Kept in storage. 

Note: Under no circumstances are personnel to use the vending 
machine. | understand that these coins are worth more than what 
the machine values them as, but that is no excuse for a get-rich- 
quick scheme. - Dr. 


Item Description: A pack of 19 hot dogs of the Company that, 
when eaten, produces a scream described by research staff as 
"agonized", despite no sound producing apparatus being present in 
the hot dogs 

Date of Recovery: 09-07-2014 

Location of Recovery: Site- staff barbecue 

Current Status: In cold storage. 

Note: Aside from the screams these were some pretty damn good 
hot dogs. - Agent 


Item Description: A class III (Low Threat) concept, in which 
personnel infected believe they have "level 6 clearance" and are 
capable of accessing every file in the database. The concept is 
spread through specific software malfunctions that can occur within 
the database. 

Date of Recovery: 01-27-2010 

Location of Recovery: Site-551. 

Current Status: The malfunctions that are capable of spreading the 
concept have been fixed. A single terminal that still carry the 
malfunctions is kept at Site-49 for study. 


Item Description: An unshuffleable deck of 52 playing cards. Any 
card taken ‘at random' from the deck will reveal itself to be the 3 of 
hearts, regardless of where in the deck it was originally situated. 
Date of Recovery: - -2015 

Location of Recovery: , England 

Current Status: Held in low-value item storage at Site-32. 


Item Description: A self replenishing dirty clothes bin. Individuals 
who notice its presence will feel the urge to wash said clothes as to 
empty the bin, to no effect. 

Date of Recovery: 12-12-2011 

Location of Recovery: Auckland, New Zealand 

Current Status: Foundation humanitarian help facility in Central 
Africa; used to provide clothing to local population. 


Item Description: A standard, unmarked white cotton glove which 
has a uniform colour gradient across its entire surface, devoid 
completely of any shadows, as well as a large black outline across 
its edge regardless of viewing angle. These effects lead to it 
appearing to have a "cartoon" style. 

Date of recovery: 07-11-14 

Location of Recovery: , Florida 

Current Status: In the office of Dr. 


Item Description: A set of curtains that, when hung over a bedroom 
window, will prevent anybody within the bedroom from entering a 
state of sleep before 01:30 AM and after 09:00 AM, regardless of 
local time. 

Date of Recovery: 11-04-2002 

Location of Recovery: Seoul, South Korea 


Current Status: Hung over a window in the observation room of 
SCP- after too many reports of personnel falling asleep. 


Item Description: An alarm clock that will say the phrase "Stop 
ignoring me" in an unidentified male voice at 3:57 AM every night. 
Effect occurs regardless of whether the object is powered. 

Date of Recovery: 5-18-2005 

Location of Recovery: Apartment complex in Atlanta, Georgia 
Current Status: In storage. 


Item Description: An adult size Spider-Man Costume. Memories 
involving direct visual exposure to the object cannot be forgotten 
and will override existing memories after prolonged exposure. 
Date of Recovery: 11-13-07 

Location of Recovery: Nashville, Tennessee 

Current Status: In storage. 


Item Description: A sheet of white paper with the word "bimonthly" 
written on it in black marker. When viewed by two or more people, 
an argument will begin between the viewers as to whether the word 
means "twice a month" or "once every two months". This argument 
may escalate into violence without intervention. This effect persists 
even when subjects are told not to argue over the definition of the 
word. 

Date of Recovery: 02-11-1994 

Location of Recovery: Wicklow, Ireland 

Current Status: Destroyed in a particularly heated debate between 
two senior researchers. Both have been reprimanded. 


Item Description: A fractured skull of Felis catus or common house 
cat. The skull secretes a dark black liquid similar in composition to 
blood though the makeup is mostly unknown. Upon a person 
touching the liquid with exposed skin they will experience intense 
distrust and paranoia of cats or cat-like objects for four to seven 
hours. When questioned, all infected individuals beg to "make them 
all stop talking." 

Date of Recovery: 09-09-1992 

Location of Recovery: Mr.J —_'s High School Biology classroom 
in Ithaca, 

Current Status: Contained in cold storage. Cleaned weekly. 


Item Description: A box set for the first season of the American 
situational comedy "Seinfeld". When viewed for more than 15 
minutes, viewers will say nothing except observation based stand-up 
comedy. Effect has been shown to last in excess of 100 minutes. 
Date of Recovery: 02-05-2011 

Location of Recovery: , Illinois 

Current Status: In Site-34 low security item storage. 


Item Description: A visual cognitohazard affecting approximately 
20% of sapient viewers. Object compels the viewer to seek and 
consume the nearest unopened slice of American cheese. 

Date of Recovery: 03-18-2013 

Location of Recovery: Sydney, Austrailia 

Current Status: In storage. Cheese kept on-site in the event of 
accidental exposure. 


Item Description: A 335 ml glass cup that causes waitstaff of any 
location to compulsively fill it to the brim. 
Date of Recovery:3-29-2016 


location of Recovery: , Atlanta, Georgia 

Current Status: Broken after staff in kitchen raced to fill it up. 
Notes: Remnants reformed into bowl on orders of Dr. , effects 
remain. 


Item Description: A brand laptop with no signs of wear. Battery 
is included but no other accessories have been found. All male 
humans of Caucasian descent exposed to the object report an 
inability to perceive color displayed in its screen. 

Date of Recovery:12- -20 

Location of Recovery: Raid of Gol- base in , Brunei 
Darussalam. 

Current Status: In low-security item storage. 


Item Description: A school notebook that, when opened by an 
individual, will teleport said individual to Site- under all 
circumstances. 

Date of Recovery: 2- -201 

Location of Recovery: Middle School 

Current Status: Incinerated 

Note: Son of a bitch, whose idea was it to store the damn notebook 
near the fireplace of the Site- lounge!? Fire and paper doesn't do 


good, so if there is another magical notebook, don't put it near a 
goddamn fire! - Researcher 


Item Description: Adult specimen of Phidippus audax also known 
as a ‘jumping spider’. Spider is biologically normal except for the fact 
that it emits a high pitched repetitive sound similar to a girl laughing 
manically. 

Date of Recovery: - -20 

Location of Recovery: 's Bedroomin , 

Current Status: Contained in sound proof terrarium. 


Item Description: A piano. Anyone who sits down to play it, will 
start playing Maple Leaf Rag by Scott Joplin automatically, even if 
the individual has no piano experience or knowledge of the song. 
Date of Recovery: 3-27-199 

Location of Recovery: Virginia City, Montana 

Current Status: In storage at Area- 

Notes: Wait, what song was Dr. playing on that piano? - Site 
Director 


Descriptive: Penny-sized, green, circular. Anomalously causes 
immediate dying if non-descriptives or non-actives are used in 
describing. 

Recovered: - -20 

Currently: Held securely. Termination requested. 


Item Description: Water contained in a plastic case. Water will not 
turn into steam when boiled, or freeze when exposed to cold 
temperatures. 

Date of Recovery: - -19 

Location of Recovery: Burger King in Los Angeles, California 
Current Status: In storage at Area- 


Item Description: A brand Go-Kart that leaves footprints 
instead of tyre tracks. Radio will only play the sound of an 
unidentified male weeping. 

Date of Recovery: 09-03-2013