Incident 1040-J-9212 
Vehicle: 1965 [DATA EXPUNGED] 
Driver: [DATA EXPUNGED] 
Description: Subject 9212 
, followed by Foundation 
researcher Dr. D. 


Addendum to Incident 1040- 
J-9212. Level 4 and above only. 


Special Instruction: The remains of Dr. 
Derekson's Corvette are to be removed to 
Disposal Area 056-B and crushed. Also, if 
anyone knows of an area body shop that does 
quality work on vintage roadsters, | would 
appreciate the tip. — O5-9 


Footnotes 

1. Derekson, D.,An Insidious Contagion,Proc. SCP Fndn. 1998, 
14(5), 65-67 

2. Driven by Foundation researcher Dr. D. D 

3. See Citation 1 above. 


SCP-123-J: Amazing Butter-like Substance! 


Item #: SCP-123-J 
Object Class: Safe 


Special Containment Procedures: Any instances of SCP-123-J 
are to be contained within the staff refrigerator at Site . Staff use is 
allowed; however, staff are warned that ingestion of SCP-123-J and 
subsequent information of its composition can result in shock, 
paranoia, and a healthier lifestyle. 


If personnel come across an instance of SCP-123-J, they are to 
purchase it and preferably some instances of SCP-123-J-2. 


Description: SCP-123-J-1 is a small plastic tub with the brand label 
“| Can't Believe It's Not Butter” on its cover. Investigation has been 
made into Becel company, creators of "I Can't Believe It's Not 
Butter"; however, no links to any occult organizations have been 
found. 


Contained within SCP-123-J-1 is a compound of oils forming into an 
edible substance, designated SCP-123-J. When a subject spreads 
SCP-123-J on any grain product and ingests it, they report 
SCP-123-J to have a taste similar to butter. When informed that the 
substance is not organic butter, subjects typically report disbelief. 


SCP-123-J melts when exposed to heat higher than room 
temperature. When left refrigerated SCP-123-J slowly solidifies into 
its original, spreadable state. 


SCP-123-J was originally purchased by AgentC ina Safeway 
supermarket located in , Maryland. Upon ingesting it through the 
use of a SCP-123-J-2, the Agent handed SCP-123-J to Agent F_ , 
urging confirmation that the substance was butter. Agent F 

ingested the remaining portion of SCP-123-J-2 and alerted the 
Foundation. Although initially suspected of misinformation, Agents 


C  andF_ were later promoted. 
Addendum 123-J-A: 
Interview 123-J-A 
Interviewed: D-6539 
Interviewer: Dr. 


Foreword: D-6539 had just ingested SCP-123-J after it 
was spread upon an instance of SCP-123-J-2 


<Begin Log> 
Dr. : Howare you feeling? 


D-6539: Like | have obtained my recommended amount 
of nutrients and vitamins, and all at a very low price! 


Dr. =: What if | told you SCP-123-J was not butter? 


D-6539: Really? (Turns to Security Camera 1) | can't 
believe it's not butter! 


Dr. —: (Lets out small chuckle) That's right, SCP-123-J 
is actually composed of vegetable oils. Without the 
addition of all that pesky saturated fat you find in organic 
butter, you can trust SCP-123-J to deliver the flavor 
you're used to, but with a lower price and a healthier 
heart! 


D-6539: Wow! 
<End Log> 


Closing Statement: Although D-6539 was still sent in 
for month-end termination, he did so with the confidence 
that he had reduced his cholesterol intake to a healthy 
standard thanks to SCP-123-J. 


SCP-006-J: WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THING 


Item #: SCP-006-J 
Object Class: KETER OH GOD KILL IT 


Special Containment Procedures: Any instances of SCP-006-J 
that are discovered by Foundation personnel are to be left the fuck 
alone. Personnel are to contact Mobile Task Force Alpha 21 
"Husbands" in order to dispose of the instance of SCP-006-J ina 
humanitarian manner.! MTF Alpha 21 is to be provided with twelve 
(12) glass cups and twenty (20) slips of paper at all times. 


Examination of any instance of SCP-006-J requires steady and 
careful movements. Any surprise of SCP-006-J may caOH SHIT 
IT'S ON YOUR FACE 


Description: SCP-006-J is a collection of insectoid creatures that 
researchers agree are scary as balls. We're pretty sure it's memetic, 
but we're sure as hell not going near these things. | think | sawa 
stinger on one. 


Discovery: I'm just walking through the hallway to my room, when | 
look in the corner and | see SCP-006-J- . And this thing has these 
gigantic fucking eyes. Just staring at me like "I'm gonna fucking eat 
you." And | just get the fuck out of there. 


Addendum 006-J: Guys, it isn't even that big, okay? Look, I'm going 
up to it and it hasn't attacked me yet. - Dr. 


Dr. has been promoted to Site Director. - O5- 


Footnotes 

1. Recommended actions are throwing the instance out of the 
window or outside. Disposing of the instance through any plumbing 
willnotbe tolerated. , IT'S STILL ALIVING CREATURE, DAMNIT! 


SCP-009-J: Where Is It? 


Item #: SCP-009-J 
Object Class: Fun for ages 2 and up 


Special Containment Procedures: This book belongs to 
___aLFia JaCOBs __.. 

A Foundation First Readers Book, © 2013 Dr. Wondertainment 
Press. 

Description: 

SCP-009-J is missing. Where has it gone? 

Is it under the table? 

Was it sat upon? 

Is it there on the ceiling? 

Is it under the rug? 

Was it gobbled right up by a quantum pillbug? 

Did it run through the tunnel? 

Did it fall down the stairs? 

Was it sent back in time to a carnival fair? 

Did it get on a train to a far-away place? 

Is it locked in a falsified beacon from space? 

Did it fall in the oobleck and [DATA EXPUNGED]? 


If it clogged up the sink, will it have to be plunged? 


Just where has SCP-009-J gotten to? 
Oh wait, that's right! 


SCP-009-J is you! 


SCP-1026-J: Mr. Somebody 


Item #: SCP-1026-J 
Object Class: Euclid 


Special Containment Procedures: SCP-1026-J is to be contained 
in a standard humanoid containment cell. Personnel tasked with 
studies of SCP-1026-J do not need specialized equipment, as 
SCP-1026-J is easily subdued when not cooperative. Personnel are 
recommended to avoid referring to SCP-1026-J by any name to 
avoid passive-aggressive verbal hostilities, and the potential for 
SCP-1026-J's aggression to cascade to SCP-118-J levels. 


Description: SCP-1026-J is a vaguely humanoid entity with 
anomalous properties that appear to affect memories and 
information regarding its appearance. Its antimemetic properties 
manifest primarily around its preferred name, which is apparently 
impossible to remember. Subjects who converse with SCP-1026-J 
believe to know its name, and will often refer to it by this name in 
conversation, though this name is usually incorrect and often 
frustrates attempts to communicate with SCP-1026-J, as it will 
complain whenever someone gets its name wrong. Written and 
digitally recorded information regarding SCP-1026-u's specific 
appearance and name is usually corrupted or accidentally 
destroyed, making it as-of-yet impossible to complete a full 
description of SCP-1026-J. 


Addendum 1: 
Interview log 1026-J-1: 


Dr. Dediscos: Could you tell me your preferred name, 
for our records? 


SCP-1026-J: [DATA LOST] 


date its presence to the late 1970s. 


The structure's exterior is composed of partially oxidised iron plates 
and concrete - radiography suggests its interior to consist of a large 
number of complex mechanical components. A rusted iron ladder 
permits access to the structure's roof, though as far as can be 
determined there is no instrumentation or access to the interior 
anywhere on SCP-554's exterior. 


A human corpse, designated SCP-554-1, wrapped in a black plastic 
refuse bag, is visible in the space between the concrete beams on 
which SCP-554 is supported. When SCP-554-1 is viewed by a 
human subject, designated SCP-554-2, the previous individual to 
view SCP-554-1 will disappear the next time they are out of sight of 
any observer; this event is designated 554-Boojum. 


Mechanical observation appears insufficient to prevent this effect; 
they will disappear between frames unless a sentient observer 
maintains unbroken line of sight to a live visual output of the subject. 
If SCP-554-1 is removed from SCP-554 and identified it will be 
discovered to be the corpse of the previous SCP-554-2 - the cause 
of death is invariably multiple stab wounds to the chest and 
abdomen and the corpse exhibits a level of decomposition 
consistent with remaining undiscovered for approximately 72 hours. 


Individuals who undergo 554-Boojum are erased from all written and 
electronic records within approximately 120km; this has led to 
significant difficulty identifying victims of SCP-554. It is not presently 
believed that human memory is subject to this effect, though this 
cannot be ruled out: it can be established only that in some cases 
memories of the affected individual are not erased, as the 
Foundation has re-recorded the identities of numerous individuals 
who have been subject to 554-Boojum. 


When SCP-554-1 is viewed by a human subject, activity from within 
SCP-554 has been detected, including mechanical noise and 
vibration. Markedly increased activity from SCP-554 has been noted 
in the case of individuals about whom a significant amount of 
information might be expected to be stored externally. 


If SCP-554-1 is removed from SCP-554, the next time the space 


Dr. Dediscos: Thank you, Bob. Now can you- 
SCP-1026-J: No, it's not Bob, it's [DATA LOST]! 
Dr. Dediscos: Alright, Larry. So, wh- 


SCP-1026-J: For goddsake, my name is 
[indecipherable]! It's not even an unusual name! 


Dr. Dediscos: Would you mind writing that down? 


SCP-1026-J writes name on paper and hands it to Dr. 
Dediscos. 


Dr. Dediscos: Oh. It's just [DATA EXPUNGED]? That is 
a pretty common name. Now, Fred, could you- 


SCP-1026-J: OH FOR THE LOVE OF- 


Endnote: The paper SCP-1026-J's name had been 
written on was accidentally incinerated after it was 
mistakenly filed with documents set aside for destruction. 


Interview Log 1026-J-2: 


Dr. Francis: It appears you've been uncooperative in 
interviews, SCP-1026-J. Would you care to explai- 


SCP-1026-J: What? That's not even a name, it's just 
some numbers and letters! You guys aren't even trying! 


Dr. Francis: Sir, I'm gonna need you to- 


SCP-1026-J: Fine, if you people can't be bothered to 
remember a name like [DATA LOST], then just call me 
Dr. [REDACTED]! Maybe you people won't forget THAT 
one! 


Dr. Francis: While a pseudonym like Dr. [REDACTED] 
might work in causal conversation, I'm afraid that I'm 
going to need your real name, SCPeter. 


SCP-1026-J: What the hell is wrong with you people? 
Addendum 2: 

Testing log 1026-J-1: 

Subject: Dr. Dedisco 

Procedure: After interviewing SCP-1026-J, Dr. Dedisco 

was asked to describe SCP-1026-J's visual appearance 

to other researchers. 

BEGIN LOG 


Dr. Dedisco: "Well, he was standardish | guess. He had 
two legs, two arms, two hands..." 


Dr. Waterstradt: "Two eyes?" 


Dr. Dedisco: "No | don't think so. But he was pretty 
average looking. Two eyes, arms, legs." 


Dr. Waterstradt: "You just said he didn't have two eyes." 
Dr. Dedisco: "Oh, | think | meant ears." 

Dr. Waterstradt: "How many ears does he have?" 

Dr. Dedisco: "| think his hair was covering them." 


Dr. Waterstradt: "So you don't think he had ears, but he 
had hair?" 


Dr. Dedisco: "Probably." 

Dr. Waterstradt: "Any distinguishing features?" 
Dr. Dedisco: "He had a shirt on." 

Dr. Waterstradt: "Did he have anything else on?" 
Dr. Dedisco: "I'm pretty sure he had shoes on." 


Dr. Waterstradt: "If SCP-1026-J was in a group of 
people, how would | find him?" 


Dr. Dedisco: "Call his name?" 


Dr. Waterstradt: "We've already established that that is 
not a viable option. Please, do you remember anything 
specific about what he looked like? Hair color, skin tone, 
anything." 


Dr. Dedisco: "| think something was yellow. And his hair 
was maybe brown or something?" 


Dr. Waterstradt: "And his skin tone?" 

Dr. Dedisco: "It was a color..." 
Addendum 3: 

Incident Log 1026-J-01: 


Several days after site evacuation due to a large scale 
containment breach, Junior Researcher Haley 
rediscovered SCP-1026-J after hearing loud calls of 
distress emanating from SCP-1026-u's holding cell. A 
remote audio feed recorded the following conversation: 


Researcher Haley: Wait, guys, we have an SCP-1026- 
J? 


Dr. Francis: Oh yeah, he's the- 


SCP-1026-J: You forgot to feed me for FIVE DAYS! If 
you can't be bothered to remember my name, you could 
at least remember that | fucking EXIST! 


Dr. Francis: Sorry Ralph, there was an emer- 


The rest of the audio feed was comprised of 
indecipherable screaming. 


SCP-1013-J: Tree Rats 


SCP-1013-J-94588702 (“Miffy’”), believed to be the world’s 


foremost authority of nuclear acorn technology. Note the modified 
solar collectors in the foreground. 


Item #: SCP-1013-J 
Object Class: Keter 


Special Containment Procedures: Because of the sheer size and 
global distribution of SCP-1013-J, containment in the strictest sense 
is impossible. As such, containment of SCP-1013-J consists of 
constant monitoring of SCP-1013-J’s activities and suppressing 
information about the true nature of SCP-1013-J. 


Any official contact with SCP-1013-J must be performed by 
members of Mobile Task Force Zeta-00 (“Fuzzbutts”); all other 
Foundation personnel are strongly advised to avoid interaction with 
members of SCP-1013-J. Current and former rosters of Zeta-00 are 
restricted to personnel with O5 clearance or equivalent. 


Personnel who find that they have accidentally run over a member 
of SCP-1013-J with their vehicle should vacate the area as quickly 
as possible. Personnel are strongly advised to not attempt to run 
over members of SCP-1013-J on purpose, as the consequences 
may be catastrophic to the individual in question (see also Incident 
1013-44). 


Description: SCP-1013-J is composed of most (if not all) members 
of several species of genus Sciuris, mainly the eastern gray squirrel 
(S. carolinensis), the fox squirrel (S. niger), the red squirrel (S. 
vulgaris), and the western gray squirrel (S. griseus). Members of 
SCP-1013-J are significantly more intelligent than are widely 
believed, and are suspected to be carrying out a plan to take over 
the world from a vast underground/arboreal complex. Most details of 
this plan have yet to be uncovered; however, reconnaissance 
agents have reported widespread combat training with a variety of 


weaponry and martial arts. 


AgentsC ,S ,andB __ from MTF Zeta-00 performing field 
observations of SCP-1013-J from a secure location. 


Because of the ubiquitous presence of SCP-1013-J around human 
habitation, a dedicated Mobile Task Force, Zeta-00 (“Fuzzbutts”), 
has been established to provide reconnaissance of and, when 
necessary, a conduit for communication with SCP-1013-d. 
Membership in Zeta-00 is currently restricted to members of Canis 
lupus familiaris and Felis catus; proposals to expand membership of 
Zeta-00 to other species friendly to humans are currently under 
consideration. 


Incident 1013-44, 03/15/1992: Billy Hoffman, 19, from Athens, GA, 
was found dead in his bedroom, bound with vines, with his mouth 

stuffed full of BBs. Cause of death was determined to be blood loss 
from hundreds of scratches and bites on his person. Neighbors told 
authorities that Hoffman’s favorite pastime was shooting at squirrels 
with his BB gun. The Foundation was alerted to the unusual method 
of Hoffman’s passing, and quickly established a link to SCP-1013-J. 


Show Transcript of Interview Log 1013-7947 


Interview Log 1013-7947 


Interviewers: AgentR (R)andAgentO (O) 
Interviewee: SCP-1013-J-24698535 (S) 


R: Ahr! Ahrahrahr ahr ahr! Ahr 
ahrahrahrahrahr ahrahr ahr! 


S: Ch! [shakes tail] Chchchch cheee-aaah! 
[shakes tail] Chch chch, chchchchchch cheee- 
aaah! 


R: [jumps] Ahrahrahr! Ahrahrahrahr ahrahrahr, 
ahrahrahrahr! Ahr ahr ahr! Ahrahr! 


O: Mrow.