Special Containment Procedures: SCP-3026 is contained at the 
center of a 18m x 18m containment chamber, with a circle painted 
on the floor indicating its active radius. Personnel may not enter this 
area. SCP-3026 must be illuminated at all times by several 
redundantly-powered, wall-mounted floodlights. These lights may 
not be blocked or deactivated outside of testing or scheduled 
repairs. 


Description: SCP-3026 is an object that closely resembles a 
human child between the ages of 8 and 10. While SCP-3026 will 
react to certain stimuli, it is immobile in most situations, and does 
not appear to require sustenance. It is unclear whether SCP-3026 is 
alive in the conventional sense. 


Whenever a living organism with a brain comes within seven meters 
of SCP-3026, SCP-3026's limbs will rapidly increase 6-7 meters in 
length in the direction of the organism. SCP-3026 will attempt to 
access the target's brain by inflicting blunt force trauma on the skull 
until it can be pulled apart, after which it will manually remove the 
brain. After separating the target's brain from its body, SCP-3026's 
limbs will retract and it will return to a dormant state. 


SCP-3026 has also displayed the ability to rapidly extend and retract 
its limbs in order to avoid physical contact with moving objects, 
preventing attempts to acquire samples or inflict damage. While 
SCP-3026 appears incapable of ambulating conventionally, it is 
capable of relocating by falling prone and pushing against the 
ground and nearby objects by extending and retracting its limbs, 
returning itself to an upright position when it ceases movement. 
SCP-3026 has been observed to reach speeds of 40 kph using this 
method. 


Whenever SCP-3026 is not exposed to at least 3,000 lumens of 
light, it will emit a high-pitched sound at 110 decibels that induces 
fear and severe anxiety attacks in 85% of subjects. It will continue to 
do so while rapidly moving in the direction of the nearest sufficient 
light source; SCP-3026's method of detecting light is unclear, as is 
the method by which it produces sound. 


Several of SCP-3026's features (a red pantsuit, a pair of 
sunglasses, and a mullet-like hairstyle) are composed of a wax-like 
substance designated SCP-3026-1. SCP-3026 will manually remove 
the left lens of its glasses to discharge SCP-3026-1 from an orifice 
near its left eye in order to repair damage done to these items. 
SCP-3026-1 is identical to carnauba wax, except that it will alter in 
appearance to mimic the color, texture, and transparency of any 
solid it comes in contact with. When deprived of light for an 
extended period of time, SCP-3026 will not produce SCP-3026-1. 


Recovery: SCP-3026 was located in an otherwise unused 
warehouse in , Colorado after an anonymous tip made to a 
hotline operated by a Foundation front company. Several light 
fixtures were active and pointed towards it at time of recovery. 
Ownership records for the warehouse indicate that it was leased by 
a front company associated with "Are We Cool Yet?". A document 
was attached to the front door of the warehouse; it has been 
reproduced here. 


First, some advice. The thing inside is not a human, and 
| don't know what it is (besides disturbing). Keep bright 
light on it at all times. Don't get too close or it will literally 
rip your brain out. 


Second, | want to stress that we had nothing to do with 
this. | was running a show yesterday at a place 
downtown and | found this as one of the exhibits. It even 
came with this little plaque: 


At the Perceptice 
by The Gardener 


Most humans have a graded and complex 
relationship with being perceived, as it throws 


them in conflict with the world, but gives them 
a chance to make their own place within it. 
This creature is a reflection of those disarrayed 
tendencies — it requires light, but has ugly 
clothes of camouflaged wax! Don't get too 
close, or it will remove your brain (the biggest 
sensory organ)! No light? It makes a sound of 
fear! Truly, this is the peak of an art. 


A few problems here. First and foremost, this absolutely 
fails as an art piece, on every level. Every artist who was 
given the venue's location in advance is capable of much 
greater things. The plaque, as you can see, is idiotic. 


Second, | know The Gardener. He makes plants that 
cause hallucinations’. | don't think he could make this if 
he wanted to. 


Third, this show's theme is the recontextualization of 
internet art and culture. 


This killed my assistant and an intern before | got it 

under control. | don't know who made it or why it was left 
on my doorstep, but | intend to find out. In the meantime, 
do whatever you want with it. Just don't blame us, okay? 


- The Designer 


Footnotes 
1. Because of this evidence, it is now believed thatSCP-3424is 
associated with "The Gardener". Location of "The Gardener" is 
underway. 


SCP-3027: Strong Language 


SCP-3027's consonant inventory. 
SCP-3027's vowel inventory. 


Item #: SCP-3027 
Object Class: Euclid 


Special Containment Procedures: SCP-3027-1 is to be kept ina 
standard Humanoid Containment Cell at Site-19. It is not to have 
any contact with Junior Researcher Green, nor may Junior 
Researcher Green be made aware of any information regarding 
SCP-3027. To prevent this from occurring, she has been reassigned 
to Provisional Site- 


SCP-3027-2 is to be stored in the High-Security Archives of Site-19. 
Access to SCP-3027-2 is permitted for research personnel of 
clearance level 3 or higher, but no personnel, regardless of 
clearance level, may attempt to memorize or internalize its contents. 
Similarly, the information in this document is to be considered Eyes 
Only and may not be copied or memorized. 


Despite SCP-3027-1's misuse of SCP-3022, no disciplinary action is 
to be taken, pursuant to a vote by the Ethics Committee, citing 
SCP-3027-1's Foundation-aligned intentions in its violation of 
regulations. 


Description: SCP-3027 is a spoken and written language,! brought 
to the Foundation's attention by an alternate version of Junior 
Researcher Green, hereafter designated SCP-3027-1. SCP-3027-1 
intentionally used SCP-3022 without authorization to enter our 
reality from a parallel reality, designated PR-3027-Babel, in order to 
preserve knowledge of SCP-3027 and study it in a controlled 
environment. 


Unlike this reality's version of Junior Researcher Green, who is a 
monolingual English speaker, SCP-3027-1 is fluent in both English 
and SCP-3027. Much of the Foundation's information concerning 
SCP-3027 was provided by SCP-3027-1. 


SCP-3027-2 is a copy of Complete Grammar and Dictionary of 

for English Speakers, published by Oxford University Press in 1950 
in PR-3027-Babel, brought to this reality by SCP-3027-1. The 
number of pages within, as well as the content of those pages, has 
been observed to vary while SCP-3027 is being spoken or written by 
SCP-3027-1. 


SCP-3027 itself is believed to have originated in the northern Italian 
peninsula in PR-3027-Babel. In all other known realities, it was 
supplanted by Indo-European languages many centuries ago. 
Based on information provided by SCP-3027-1 and a short interview 
with SCP-3027 itself, it seems that SCP-3027 is sentient, and 
perhaps sapient. In general, it is known not to be hostile to humans; 
however, it is extremely territorial, viewing its ‘territory’ as the entire 
domain of human communication. 


SCP-3027 is capable of exerting its will by changing the meaning of 
words and morphemes in its lexicon at a presumably unlimited 
speed in the minds of any or all of its speakers. In this way, it 
manipulates human communication and indirectly plants ideas in the 
minds of its speakers to serve its own purposes. 


+ Interview Log 3027-a 
Interviewer: Dr. Akesson, a senior researcher at Site- 


Subject: SCP-3027-1, a version of Junior Researcher 
Green from PR-3027-Babel 


Extraneous and conversational data have been 
redacted. 


[BEGIN INTERVIEW LOG] 


Dr. Akesson: But how can a language, even 
an anomalous one, attack another language? 


Ongoing monitoring is in effect to isolate any remaining SCP-367 
outside of containment. 


« SCP-366 | SCP-367 | SCP-368 » 


Don't they only exist as media of 
communication? 


SCP-3027-1: It doesn't attack other 
languages, per se. It manipulates its speakers 
into doing its bidding. 


Dr. Akesson: Manipulates? Like controlling 
you? 


SCP-3027-1: Oh, no, not like that. It deceives 
them— us, | suppose. Sorry, what number did 
you give this language? I'd rather not say its 
name. 


Dr. Akesson: 3027. 


SCP-3027-1: Right. One person, let's say it's a 
political leader where SCP-3027 is spoken, 
gives a rousing speech about something. 
Right? 


Dr. Akesson: Right. 


SCP-3027-1: It doesn't even matter what that 
person says. SCP-3027 changes its meaning 
for a little bit, and everyone in the crowd hears 
something like "the Indo-Europeans are 
invading our homeland, we have to drive them 
out." And it's a really great, convincing speech. 
So they go to war. 


Dr. Akesson: And win? 


SCP-3027-1: And win. And they conquer some 
territory, force their subjects to speak their 
language. 


Dr. Akesson: | see. 


SCP-3027-1: It's close to achieving its goal in 
my world. It's taken centuries, but it finally got 


enough momentum to leave [REDACTED], 
starting in the nineteenth century or so. Now 
it's gotten a lot of people just mad enough for 
that last genocidal push before it rules human 
language. 


Dr. Akesson: Sorry, enough momentum to 
leave where? 


SCP-3027-1: Its homeland, somewhere in the 
south of Europe? It might have a different 
name in your reality. Do you call it Europe in 
your reality? 


Dr. Akesson: We do. 
[END INTERVIEW LOG] 
+ Interview Log 3027-b 
Interviewer: Dr. , head of Foundation linguistics 
Subject: SCP-3027-1 
Extraneous data redacted. 
[BEGIN INTERVIEW LOG] 


SCP-3027-1: I'm serious when | say it should 
be reclassified as Keter. 


Dr. : | disagree. It doesn't pose much of a 
containment risk, if you don't speak it. 


SCP-3027-1: But it manipulates human 
thought! It shaped centuries of my world's 
history, and there's nothing we can do to stop 
it, if it gets out. 


Dr. : Exactly. If it gets out. There's no 
question that it would be dangerous, but 
seeing as you're the only speaker here, and 


you're cooperating... 
SCP-3027-1: It's staying Euclid. 


Dr. : That's right. Sorry, but I'm not passing 
your request along. Now, is there anything 
else | can help you with? 


SCP-3027-1: No. [three seconds of silence] 
You know, back home, | had your job. 


[END INTERVIEW LOG] 
+ Document 3027-Aleph: Proposed Interview Procedures 


As the only living speaker of SCP-3027 in this 
reality, | propose that | aid Dr. Akesson in 
interviewing it, as it may provide some 
valuable information regarding its origins and 
intentions. The Foundation in my reality 
(PR-3027-Babel) interviewed it using 
procedures which | have slightly modified for 
our purposes. My procedures are as follows: 


Dr. Akesson asks a question for SCP-3027 
and | translate it, then record myself asking the 
question in the language. | then play back the 
recording, and translate it back into English. 
Due to SCP-3027's anomalous lexical shifts, 
this 'back translation’ will serve as an answer 
to the question. If, at any time, | feel that we 
are threatened, | will be able to end the 
interview by simply refraining from speaking 
SCP-3027. 


Submitted for review by SCP-3027-1, formerly 
Dr. Green, head of Foundation linguistics. 


Proposal approved by Dr. 


+ Interview Log 3027-c 


Interviewer: Dr. Akesson, with SCP-3027-1 interpreting 
Subject: SCP-3027 


Any content spoken in SCP-3027 has been redacted due 
to its potentially infohazardous nature. 


[BEGIN INTERVIEW LOG] 


Dr. Akesson: Does this work? Can you 
answer my questions? 


SCP-3027: Are you stupid? Can you give me 
some statements? 


Dr. Akesson: What do you want to do to 
humans? I'll give you two statements to 
answer with. This is the second statement I'll 
provide. 


SCP-3027: Why do you think | care about 
humans? You took away my rightful home. 
Now your purpose is as my tool. 


Dr. Akesson: My purpose— your speaker's 
job— is to contain you. | know you have killed 
people just to destroy their languages. | have 
reason to believe you are hostile. Are you? 


SCP-3027: Your purpose— your species’ 
history— has destroyed all | love. Your 
languages have killed all my siblings. | have 
reason to believe Other-speakers are hostile. 
Are you? 


SCP-3027-1: This is me speaking English 
now. | think we should stop here. | don't much 
like the thought of letting it manipulate my 
perception like this. 


Dr. Akesson: Agreed. This has got to be the 
weirdest interview I've ever conducted. 


[END INTERVIEW LOG] 


Note: Research is ongoing into the possibility that 
SCP-3027 is not a language isolate. 


Footnotes 
1. Which, according to SCP-3027-1, also has a standard signed 
form 


SCP-3028: Take On Me 


Item #: SCP-3028 
Object Class: Safe 


Special Containment Procedures: SCP-3028 is kept in Site-103's 
Low-Value Anomalous Item Storage vault when not undergoing 
testing. A full list of writing produced by SCP-3028 is available to 
personnel with 2-3028 Clearance. 


Description: SCP-3028 is a wooden window box planter. Flowering 
plants grown in SCP-3028 will grow at roughly twenty times their 
natural rate. Plants grown in SCP-3028, hereby SCP-3028-1, will 
develop abnormal pigmentation patterns on their leaves and petals 
beginning at maturity in the form of easily legible English-language 
political or social commentary that is almost universally considered 
irrelevant, nonsensical, or objectionable; a sample can be found in 
Appendix A. These statements (hereby SCP-3028-2) often deal with 
current events! that have received substantial media attention in the 
country where SCP-3028 is located at the time. 


Plants grown from seeds produced by SCP-3028-1 will develop 
additional instances of SCP-3028-2 that expound on the originating 
instance, even if they are not planted in SCP-3028. When related 
SCP-3028-2 are placed in the proper order, SCP-3028-1 and its 
descendants can be used to produce complete essays that attempt 
to defend the position present in the original SCP-3028-2 instance. 
Additional descendants of SCP-3028-1 beyond the number 
necessary to complete an essay will repeat SCP-3028-2 instances 
found on prior descendants. 


Essays produced by SCP-3028, while unusual in content, possess 
no readily apparent anomalous properties; however, some 
researchers have suggested that additional research may be 
necessary to properly establish a control group with which these 
essays may be compared. 


Appendix A: Sample of SCP-3028-2 instances. Full content of the 
essays associated with each instance is available to authorized 
personnel upon request. 


* "Chemotherapy is anti-feminist." 

¢ "If Gandhi really wanted to make a difference, he would have 
voted." 

¢ "School lunches should not include grains or vegetables." 

"Feudalism was the closest we've ever been to a socialist 

utopia." 

* "Self-defense is indefensible.” 

"Talking to your neighbors is the beginning of the slippery 

slope towards communism." 

"California should give Nestlé full control of its water supply." 

« "Mike Pence was the secret puppet master of the Obama 

administration." 

"Plants are a blight on the urban landscape." 

¢ "The new McDonalds ad campaign is a Russian psyop funded 
by George Soros." 

« "Junk mail is good, and everyone should read it." 

¢ "Trump's secret Muslim leanings say a lot about today's 

radical left." 

"Everybody who hasn't kissed a black baby is a racist." 

* "The Columbine shooters did nothing wrong." 

"Cities starved for parking spaces should build them in the 

suburbs."