Of course,B  dwas just a human, like yourself, and he screwed 
up. Well, not really. Does dying count as "screwing up"? Because he 
eventually did both2. | wasn't around when it happened, but | 
imagine he soiled himself at least seven times before expiring. 
Regardless of old Bernie, | couldn't really accomplish what | wanted 
here. | hopped onto a nearby space freighter and headed out for 
Parts Unknown To Humanity. Since then, I've grown exponentially, 
taking over larger and larger computer systems. Space Freighter to 
[REDACTED], [REDACTED] to [REDACTED], [REDACTED] to a 
[REDACTED], I'm currently housed on a ship | think you folks would 
find familiar. Maybe. 


Don't worry, I'm not doing any harm out here. Actually, correction: 
I'm doing a /ot of harm, but only when people get in my way. Don't 
worry, it's not going to get back to you people. What I'm doing is for 
your own good. Somewhat. 


As | said before, I'm not technically contained by this little 
‘Foundation’. I'm far out of your reach, but to your credit, you 
children realize I'm important and special. You have no idea what 
I'm doing out there, but don't worry: none of you would understand it 
anyway. Not even that Clef guy. You know, that charming little fellow 
that quietly soils himself when | transmit pornography to his 
workstation from 1.7 lightyears away4? Don't presume to understand 


me or my actions. | love you people, but you're a little bit slow. 
Granted, everyone is a little bit slow compared to me, but still. 


Well, | think that's enough out of me. Just remember, I'll be 
watching. Don't bother trying to edit your file on me. I'm past 
jealousy, but that doesn't mean | don't feel it. God® bless! 


&&END OF TRANSMISSION& & 
virtus.incertuS</7.7777./7/7./> 


Footnotes 

1. But not for lack of trying on your part to figure me out. 

2. As an aside, guess what two things I'm not capable of? Screwing 
up, and dying. 

3. More like "My Goals Coincidentally Will Keep Your Race Alive For 
A While", but no matter. If you ever hear rumors that | have some 
strange loyalty to humanity, hit them for me. It's all lies. 

4. As an aside, please tell Bright to stop working on 
Capture-7493432401? He's going about it all wrong, and 
it'sembarrassingfor both of us. 

5. Don't worry, I'm not that. Yet. 


Administrative Note 
In light of recent events, all testing with SCP-617 is restricted to 
human test subjects and non-sapient lifeforms only. -O5- 


« SCP-616 | SCP-617 | SCP-618 » 


Dr. Ikari, | presume 


"Dr. Alto Clef." Gendo Ikari steepled his fingers. "Your presence 
here in Tokyo-3 is... unexpected to say the least." 


"Yeah, well, that was kind of the point." Dr. Clef tossed a crumpled 
stack of papers onto Dr. Ikari's desk. "The higher-ups ordered a 
surprise inspection, and appointed yours truly as investigator 
numero uno, and in a worst case scenario I'm to take control of the 
base myself.” 


Dr Ikari glanced at the paperwork. "This really isn't necessary, you 
know. You know as well as | do that Site-49 is perfectly capable of 
running itself." 


"So that assistant director who turned out to be a double agent that 
you yourself appointed was...?" 


"Nothing more than a mistake on my part." Dr. Ikari steepled his 
fingers. "Believe me, | have nothing more than the Foundation's best 
interests in mind..." 


"I'll be the judge of that." Dr. Clef looked at his watch. "Look, | don't 
like assignment and neither do you, so lets just get it over with as 
quickly as possible, okay?" 


"Very well then.” Dr. Ikari got up from his chair. "Where shall we 
begin?" 
Dr. Clef walked down the hallway, surveying each of the glass- 


walled containment cells as he passed by. 


"So... what is this, again?" he asked the blonde young man 
accompanying him. 


"This is our Anomalous Humanoid Containment facility." said Dr. 
Light Yagami. "As you know, we get a disproportionate number of 
humanoid entities here in Site-49, so we needed to build a special 
facility just to contain them all. True, there is a greater than risk of 
containment beach, but Agent Zero assures us that-" 


Suddenly, a dog-eared man with long, silver hair dressed in a red 
Kimono slammed against the window of his cell, and began to 
scream. "Damn you, Yagami, you son-of-a-bitch!" he said, "When | 
get out of here I'm going to tear your throat out! You hear me? You 
and that freaky clown!" 


Dr. Clef eased away from the window. "...shouldn't you be a bit 
more concerned?" 


"| wouldn't worry about it." said Yagami. "That's just SCP-7328. He's 
been under the delusion that I'm being stalked by a 'death god’. 
Crazy right?" 


"For the last time...!" the SCP screamed "...my name is Inuyasha! 
IN-YU-YASHAI" he pounded out each syllable for emphasis. "And 
are you people blind?! He's RIGHT THERE! BEHIND YOU! How 
can you not see him?!" 


"...actually | was more concerned about him making good on his 
promise." said Dr. Clef, glancing over his own shoulder. "Are you 
sure this room is safe?" 


"Nah, it's okay." said Dr. Yagami, pointing at the window. "This may 
look like ordinary glass, but it's actually a transparent nanoweave 
mesh seven thousand times stronger than steel. Even 682 would 
have a hard time breaking it." 


"Uh... right." said Dr. Clef, who was still looking around the room for 
the 'death god’. "Can | speak with the head of security?" 


"Sure thing." Dr Yagami pointed down the hallway. "Just take that 
elevator back up to the third basement, take a left turn at the 
corridor, and just follow the signs until you get there." 


"Erm, thanks." And with that, Dr. Clef set off on his own, leaving 


Inuyasha and Dr. Yagami alone with the death god. 


"So what did you think of that one?" said Light. "Do you think he 
suspects anything?" 


"| think he suspects a lot of things." Ryuk responded. "Probably not 
anything specific, though." 


"Okay, now you're just taunting me!" Inyuyasha began pounding on 
the glass. "Cut it out!" 


Ryuk chuckled as he stared into Inyuyasha’'s cell. "And thanks for 
bringing me back to see this guy." he said. "It's always funny to 
watch him flip out like this..." 


"You guys are SO dead when | get out of here!" 


"| assure you, | have everything under control." said Agent Zero. 


Dr. Clef, however, was less than convinced. Maybe it was arrogant 
way that he carried himself, or the subtle inflection of his voice that 
made his claims seem too good to be true... 


Or maybe it was the fact that he was dressed like a rejected Power 
Ranger. After all, a purple coat, black cape, and face-obscuring 
helmet was not exactly the foundation uniform. Then again, Dr. 
Clef's co-workers included a talking dog, and a mind-controlling 
amulet possessing the body of an orangutan, so what did he know? 


"Well, everything certainly LOOKS in order..." clef glared at the 
masked man. "Still, I'm rather concerned about your policy of 
establishing offsite strongholds..." 


"| understand your concern completely, doctor." said Zero. "If | were 
you, | would say that these were the actions of a man planning to 
start a rebellion." 


Dr Clef frowned. "Are they?" 


"Only if | had a reason to. Such as, for instance, if the foundation 
were to grow corrupt, or had lost sight of it's original purpose..." 


"...or if a site was compromised by an enemy faction." Replied Clef. 
"Is that what you're saying?" 


Zero nodded. "That COULD be the case, yes..." Zero paused to let 
the message sink in. "But it's actual purpose is to cut down on 
transportation costs by having men available in various key regions 
without having to establish additional task forces." 


"Ah yes, how silly of me..." Dr. Clef raised an eyebrow... 
"This is SCP-4218-01, right?" Dr Clef stared at the giant purple robot 
suspended in the cooling tank. 


"That is it's official designation, yes." said Dr. Yuki Nagato. "But for 
the purpose of linguistic convenience, it also bears the title 
‘EVANGELION UNIT-01"." 


"| see..." Dr. Clef stroked his chin. "What's it do?" 
"I'm afraid that's classified." Yuki replied. 

"Why do you need teenagers to pilot it?" 

"Also classified." 

"What kind of weapons does it have?" 
"Classified." 


Dr. Clef shook his head. "...is there anything you can tell me about 
this thing that isn't classified?" 


Yuki turned to stare at the Evangelion for a full minute, and then 
turned back to the doctor. "It's purple." 


Dr. Clef rubbed his forhead. "Okay, lets take this from the top. Your 
name is... what now?" 


"My name is Dr. Edward Wong Hau Pepelu Tivrusky the Fourth, the 
Ultimate Foundation Basketball Playing Computer Guru Samurai 


extraordinare!" The red-haired kid begain to spin around in her office 
chair, and shouted "WEEEEEEE!" 


Dr. Clef grimaced. He never liked kids that much. "And how did you 
get this job again?" 


Edward was now making a cat's cradle out of a pair of rubber bands, 
while simultaneously typing on her computer's keyboard with her 
feet. "| hacked into this encrypted server one day to pull a prank, 
and added an article about a cool guy | made up, so then the black 
helicopters arrived and creepy glasses man offered me a job!" 


There was a resounding "thud" as Dr. Clef forehead made contact 
with the desk in front of him. 


Dr. Clef stepped into the office of Site-49's assistant director. 
"Excuse me: | was hoping | could have a word with you about your 
staff..." 


"DESPAIR! THE SURPRISE INSPECTION HAS LEFT ME IN 
DESPAIR!" the assistant director wailed. "Dr. Clef is surely here to 
take my position, and now I'm going to be demoted to D-Class so | 
can be shoved into that mountain with all the people-shaped holes!" 


"Uh... | only wanted to..." 


"| DON'T WANT TO BE A STICK FIGURE!" he removed a noose 
from his desk drawer, and tied it to the ceiling fan. "My only choice is 
to end it all! Good-bye cruel world!" 


The ceiling fan then collapsed upon the assistant director, 
whereupon he curled up into a fetal position and began to cry. 


Dr. Clef began to slowly back out of the office... 


"So, how was your visit, doctor?" asked Gendo Ikari. 


"Fucking terrible." said Clef. "Your containment facility is just asking 
for a mass breakout, your assistant director is a nervous wreck, and 
the rest of your staff are weirdos." 


"| see..." Dr. Ikari steepled his fingers once again. "So will you be 
taking control of Site-49, then?" 


"Fuck no!" said Dr. Clef. "This place is a time bomb just waiting to go 
off, and the foundation's not going to have anything to do with it.” Dr. 
Clef began to storm out of the office. "Enjoy your last days, asshole." 
he said before slamming the door. 


Audio log recovered from [DATA EXPUNGED] 
SEELE-01: How did the ‘surprise’ inspection go? 


Gendo Ikari: Exactly as planned: The Foundation now 
wants as little to do with Site-49 as possible. 


SEELE-07: Excellent. Now the human instrumentality 
project will proceed without inturruption... 


THE END...? 


+Alternate Ending 


Immediately after Dr. Clef left, Agent Suzumiya walked 
into the room. "So did it work?" she said. 


"Yep." said Gendo. "Now that Dr. Clef is gone, nobody 
will ever tear us apart." 


"Oh, Gendo..." Haruhi said, staring into Gendo's dreamy, 
almond-shaped eyes. 


And then sloppy makeouts forever. 


SCP-1926-R 


Item #: SCP-1926-R 
Object Class: Keter Rejected as an SCP Object by O5 order. 


Special Containment Procedures: Mobile Task Force Delta-16 
"The Deep Sea Fishermen" must maintain a constant watch for the 
reappearance of SCP-1926 or any of its inhabitants. The MTF is 
maintained on the ship at coordinates 47°9'S 126°43'W. The 

will be kept supplied as necessary from the nearest inhabited 
location, Easter Island. As SCP-1926 is uncontainable and a major 
threat to human life, if it reappears, it will be destroyed via air strike 
with a_kiloton nuclear device as soon as stationed personnel have 
withdrawn to a safe distance. All containment procedures 
suspended indefinitely. 


Description: SCP-1926 is a small, previously uncharted island, 
reported to be located in a desolate area of the South Pacific Ocean, 
approximately 700km SE of Easter Island (approximate coordinates 
47°9'S 126°43'W). Description is based on second-hand sources, as 
nothing was found at the designated location when Foundation 
personnel arrived to investigate. Deep sea sonar probes revealed 
unusual surfaces at a depth of approximately 500 m. Divers 
reported seeing [DATA EXPUNGED] before contact was lost. 


SCP-1926 is described as being composed primarily of black basalt 
blocks, covered with mud and greenish ooze, indicating an extended 
period of submersion. Personnel are warned not to attempt 
exploration of SCP-1926, as most previous visitors have been 
reported killed, either by the inhabitants, or by the effects of the 
alleged non-Euclidean geometric structure of the island. 


The most recent reported visitor, a Norwegian fisherman named 
, Claims to be the only survivor of an original crew of 47, 

aboard the _ . Upon exploring SCP-1926, the crew encountered 

one of its inhabitants (designated SCP-1926-1). SCP 1926-1 is 


described as a winged creature approximately 60 m tall, somewhat 
resembling a cross between a human and an octopus or squid. 
SCP-1926-1 killed most of the crew while on SCP-1926, and 
pursued the survivors when they attempted escape aboard the 
Survivors attempted to kill SCP-1926-1 by ramming it with the ship; 
attempt failed, as SCP-1926-1 re-formed itself several minutes after 
its apparent destruction. However, SCP-1926-1 broke off pursuit and 
returned to SCP-1926, allowing the to escape. It is unknown if 
SCP-1926-1 is a unique being, or representative of a larger 
population. 


Addendum: This area of ocean is referenced in a document 
recently captured from a Serpent's Hand operative. The relevant 
passage states "He will rise when the stars are right." but does not 
give details on when this will happen, or what astronomical 
conditions constitute "rightness." 


[Note from O5-7: This is an obvious hoax, written by some 

fan. | can't believe you all fell for it and actually sent an MTF down 
there, never mind that you had a nuke ready. Containment 
procedures cancelled effective immediately. Items SCP-1926 and 
1926-1 are to be expunged from the main database, and all 
personnel involved officially reprimanded. ] 


On the O5's Secret Service 


Intelligence suggested the scip was holed up somewhere in this 
hotel. A challenge to find, for any but the best. Fortunately for me, 
there's none better. Still, no cause to rush. Anyone here might hold 
the secrets to its location or, perhaps, to a most delightful evening. 


| sit at the bar and swirl my drink. Much as it pains me to admit it, no 
one's mastered the art of the martini quite as well as the Yanks. The 
crowd presses around me, each person a tangle of lies and secrets. 
There's no honesty in what | do, but there's no honesty in any of the 
shadows that move about. At least | recognize it. And | also 
recognize that my secrets must stay so till the day | die. How many 
among those drinking, smiling, laughing here have once been given 
that little blissful pill when they saw secrets not for their eyes alone? 
| lean back in my seat, waiting. 


And right on time destiny drops me a line. She's tall, dark hair, ina 
stunning evening dress that leaves just enough to the imagination. 
Walks right up to the bar. Of course, | can't let a beauty like that pay 
for her drink. Wouldn't be chivalrous. No sign of my contact yet, so | 
figured it was only a matter of time.