Document #541-19: During continued "growth" testing SCP-541 
goes into arrest and cannot be revived. Following its "death," the 
remains of SCP-541 dissolve into a fine powder within minutes. 
Cultures stagnate and no clones of SCP-541 are produced. 


Addendum: Lab technician # - administered a drug dose 
appropriate for a normal human being of the age, height, weight and 
fitness of SCP-541, as determined by tests recounted in Document 
#541-12 and 13. This proved fatal to SCP-541 as the subject was 
not a complete organism and the dosage should have been adjusted 
accordingly. Technician was reprimanded and moved to bottom- 
level duties with restricted opportunities for advancement and 
promotion. 


Addendum: Fine powder that remains of SCP-541 and coffin are 
contained at Storage Site . There has been discussion of 
attempting to reassemble SCP-541 by the use of SCP-914, but 
some concerns have been expressed about whether or not the 
powdered remains of SCP-541 represent the entirety of the subject 
and whether or not it would be able to survive the shock of 
reanimation. 


« SCP-540 | SCP-541 | SCP-542 » 


SCP-300-J: “Fool, acknowledge your one and 
only Ruler.” 


Dr. Donald: “I am not worthy of y- fuck... | am 
not inclined to do that, SCP-300-J. Please tell 
us, which kingdo- urrgh... where do you hail fr- 
ah come on!” 


SCP-300-J: “You wish to know of the kingdom 
from which | hail. Yet you do not understand 
that | am the one hailed. You'd better get this 
straight, my rule is beyond measure!” 


Dr. Donald: “Right, | think that's enough. 
Ending prais- urgh fuck this thing. Ending 
interview.” 


SCP-300-J: “Tell that damned crown to stop 
stealing my glory! This is where I'm drawing 
the line! Give a crown an inch and he thinks 
he's a bloody ruler.” 


Dr. Donald: “Oh god.” 


SCP-017-J: Narcissistic Time Displacement Field 


Item #: SCP-017-J 
Object Class: Euclid Safe 


Special Containment Procedures: SCP-017-1-J is to be cordially 
uninvited from all events, get togethers, and special occasions. If 
SCP-017-1-J makes contact with intent to be at a function or event, 
the event should take place as intended and no changes should be 
made. However, all attendees of said event should be informed not 
to mention the existence, or the effects, of SCP-017-J to 
SCP-017-1-J, and just pretend to be overjoyed that she showed up 
in the first place. 


Description: SCP-017-J is a temporal anomaly which is, in 
essence, a field of time displacement. The effect of SCP-017-J 
varies with no known causality, but the field can cause time 
displacement in measures varying from 15 minutes to 3 hours. The 
field itself is geographically locked to the residence located at 

, Dayton, OH. The only subject seemingly affected by the 
field is SCP-017-1-J. 


SCP-017-1-J is a human female named Barbara _ . She is 67 years 
old of above average means and is in annoyingly good health. She 
has the seemingly preternatural ability to externalize blame, 
particularly on members of her family. The subject also displays a 
remarkable inability to read a clock or watch. Her residence falls 
within the area affected by SCP-017-J. 


When the subject is intending to leave her residence, the temporal 
field activates. She then experiences the time displacement, making 
her between 15 minutes to 3 hours late to every god damned thing | 
have ever invited her to. 


Logs 


5/20/16- SCP-017-1-J is one hour and 45 minutes late for a college 
graduation ceremony for her own fucking daughter a post-graduate 
doctoral valedictorian. When asked, she dismisses it and instead 
blames University, insisting that if they had received all of that 
tuition money, then they could at least check to make sure 
everyone's family could be there. SCP-017-1-J is summarily 
reminded that she did not have to pay any tuition money since the 
graduate was the recipient of a full scholarship. 


11/23/17- SCP-017-1-J is late for Thanksgiving dinner by two hours 
and 45 minutes. The subject swears that she "left the house on 
time" when asked, and blames the traffic. She then laments that the 
best part of the turkey has already been eaten, and then blames Dr. 
Connors for eating it. The subject rudely reminds Dr. Connors that 
she should be on a diet to lose weight if she ever wants a man to 
marry her and give the subject grandchildren, in front of the ENTIRE 
FAMILY. Dr. Connors believes that to be a bunch of bullshit and that 
SCP-017-1-J is being a huge bitch to her in her own home. 
Furthermore, she's focusing on her career and SCP-017-1-J should 
maybe have Thanksgiving by her damn self next year since nothing 
that Dr. Connors ever does is good enough for the subject. 


12/20/17- Christmas is cancelled- Contact with SCP-017-1-d is lost 
until the subject decides to be involved in further research. 


SCP-4445: Disinformation Campaign: Operation 
Trident Valley 


Item #: SCP-4445 
Object Class: Safe 


Special Containment Procedures: None required. Monitor all web 
traffic from this location. Human Resources is encouraged to draw 
upon personnel drawn from SCP-4445 in first-stage recruitment for 
personnel, D-Class or otherwise. 


Description: SCP-4445 is a website, masquerading as a repository 
of common tropes from popular culture, that serves as a 
clearinghouse for the recruitment of SCP Foundation personnel from 
the general population. The website may be found here: http: // 
tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki .php/Wiki/SCPFoundation 


A Class Seven Memetic Filtration Program has been incorporated 
into every third letter in the article at the top of said page, and will 
trigger immediate feelings of revulsion (also known, in technical 
parlance, as "squick") in 90% of the human population. The 10% 
who have the mental fortitude to deal with world-shattering artifacts 
on a daily basis will proceed to the public repository, where a psionic 
compulsion will be implanted into their minds in order to encourage 
them to cooperate with Foundation interests. 


Addendum 4445-01: Personnel being recruited from SCP-4445 are 
encouraged to study the Employee Handbook before beginning 
their careers with the Foundation. 


Addendum 4445-02: Recent data suggest a correlation between 
prolonged exposure to SCP-4445 and marked psychological 
changes in the subject. These include: 


« Mild to moderate dependence, 
¢ Diminished ability to enjoy popular fiction, mostly due to: 


¢ Limited clairvoyance (After exposure to SCP-4445, subjects 
can successfully predict the endings of media to which they 
have had no prior exposure.) 

« Tendency to lapse into impenetrable jargon, 

¢ Diminished ability to distinguish between fiction and reality. 


These symptoms abate with psychological counseling and the 
cessation of exposure to SCP-4445. (Claims from the subjects that 
this SCP "will ruin your life" are presumed to be hyperbole.) 
Nevertheless, all personnel recruited via this channel are strongly 
encouraged to forgo further exposure. 


SCP-724-J: Bad Roach 


Item #: SCP-724-J 
Object Class: >:3 
Fucks Given: n/a 


Special Containment Procedures: SCP-724-J is to be kept ina 
standard containment locker. Staff are advised not to interact with, 
feed, or otherwise encourage the continued existence of SCP-724-J. 


In addition, SCP-724-J is to be continuously /oaded like a freight 
train, flyin' like an aeroplane, feelin' like a space brain one more time 


NIGHTRAIN fill mah cup I'M ON THE NIGHTRAIN ready to crash 
and buuuuurn | NEVER LEEEARN SCP-724-J is no longer 
permitted within 5m of a computer keyboard. 


Description: SCP-724-J is a Periplaneta americana (American 
cockroach) believed to be the younger brother of SCP-723-J. 


SCP-724-J's anomaly manifests in its complete disregard for 
morality, the feelings of others, the rules, and proper hygiene. It has 
developed asthma from its tobacco addiction, has failed to file tax 
returns for seven years in a row, has been implicated in a string of 
shoplifting incidents in Texarkana, and has been known to drive its 
1997 Harley-Davidson FLHR Road King while drunk from Costco 
store-brand whiskey. 


Dr. _: /'mnot gonna mince words here - he needs to 
get his act together. We're all very worried about him. His 
brother must be rolling over in his grave. 


Dr. : You know what, | think he’s the reason why his 
brother was so sad. Maybe if he gave Sad Roach a 
better chance to connect with his only living family 


member, both of their lives would have been improved. 
But 724-J won't open up to anyone because he thinks 
he'll be emasculated, and it just makes me angry. 723-J 
deserved better family members than this. 


Upon initial contact, SCP-724-J was seen leaving a "roach motel" 
pest trap at Site-19, along with SCP-72 -J.! After a five-hour firefight 
with security staff with a total of 18 Foundation casualties2, primary 
containment was established upon apprehension. 


SCP-724-J Intake Log 
Interviewer: Dr. Lisle Naismith 
Interviewed: SCP-724-J 
<Begin Log> 


Dr. Naismith: Do you think this kind of behavior would 
have made your brother proud? 


[silence] 
Dr. Naismith: Well? | can sit here all day, if | need to. 
[silence] 


Dr. Naismith: Wait a minute... how did you get tiny 
sunglasses? 


[D-2999 enters] 


D-2999: Sorry to interrupt, but some guy from Pizza Hut 
says he has $5,000 worth of extra-large plain pizzas to 
deliver to Dr. Lisle Naismith? 


Dr. Naismith: How the hell— 
SCP-724-J: pony up, motherfucker 
Dr. Naismith: BAD ROACH, NO! 


Footnotes 


1. "Hooker Roach" has not yet been contained. 
2. "Where did it get a human-size shotgun?!" - O5-11 


SCP-7394-J: HILARIOUS FARTING FROG CLICK 
NOW TO SEE 


Item #: SCP-7394-J 
Object Class: Keter 


Special Containment Procedures: SCP-7394-J is to be kept ina 
small box in Janitorial Assistant James's closet, who will tweet every 
time SCP-7394-J lets rip a hilarious one. Janitorial Assistant James 
is to use the hashtag #keterfrogfarts. 


Description: SCP-7394-J is small tree frog (species unknown) with 
the ability to [DATA EXPUNGED], causing massive internal bleeding 
and psychological trauma in subjects caught within a 2 kilometer 
radius of SCP-7394-J. Approximately 259 deaths have been traced 
back to SCP-7394-J. 


This effect is overshadowed, however, by SCP-7394-u's hilarious 
ability to fart whenever it hops. Researchers have concluded that 
this fucking beast just won't stop letting them rip, and SCP-7394-J 
has been a major hit at almost every party. It is pretty much the 
funniest thing you'll ever see. Just trust researchers on this. 


Although certain recommendations towards creating stricter 
containment have been voiced, these have been downplayed in 
favour of increasing exposure to SCP-7394-J's humorous gaseous 
melodies. Personnel voicing these precautions obviously have no 
sense of humor and if they would just watch SCP-7394-J farting at 
least once, researchers hypothesize they'll finally understand why 
this is so fucking entertaining. 


Addendum 7394-J-1: Incident log (Abridged due to length): 


/ / :SCP-7394-J breaches containment from Site-44. 21 
personnel casualties, 3 civilian. Nuclear failsafe deployed following 
breach of SCP- ,SCP- andSCP- .Last message from Site-44: 


"Did this really loud beer fart. We all lost our shit." 


// :SCP-7394-J lets out "silent but deadly” fart. Hilarity ensued. 
personnel left permanently disabled. 


/ / :Aceasefire is called at Site- during an attack by Chaos 
Insurgents, in order to allow the insurgents to hear SCP-7394-J. 
Insurgents later admitted "that was all we really came to do. It lived 
up to all our expectations.” Fighting resumed, resulting in 
estimated casualties. 


/ | :SCP-7394-J breached containment, and managed to enter 
the site cafeteria. It subsequently began to consume a plate of 
SCP-666/2-J while it was located there. The result of this incident 
has been deemed a memetic hazard, and has not been transcribed 
here, and SCP-2000 was activated shortly after. However, Janitorial 
Assistant James describes the incident as "10 Gulf War oil spills, 
with each drop of oil being imbued with pure uranium. The fart was 
still hilarious though. #apollyonfrogfarts" 


Addendum 7394-J-2: Audio Log recorded by Dr. Mayreder: 
Footnotes 


1. By Charlesjsharp (Own work) [CC BY-SA 3.0 (http:// 
creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)], via Wikimedia Commons 


SCP-542: Herr Chirurg 


Item #: SCP-542 
Object Class: Euclid 


Special Containment Procedures: SCP-542 is to be kept in a 8m x 
8m room with small adjoining bathroom, and may submit requests 
for furnishings barring anything that could be modified into surgical 
tools. Notable requests by SCP-542 include: 


* One queen size bed, no blankets or sheets, bare mattress 
(Approved) 

« Two large work desks (Approved) 

¢ One large wardrobe (Approved) 

¢ Aselection of heavy coats, lab jackets, and pants (Approved) 

Several full-length mirrors (Denied) 

A selection of sewing supplies, along with bolts of cloth 

(Approved initially, revoked after Incident 542-B-03.) 

Several large bookcases, filled with anatomy and medical 

texts both old and new (Approved) 

A chess set (Approved) 

Blank-paged notebooks and various writing utensils 

(Approved) 

Regular supplies of German-language crossword puzzles 

(Approved) 

Industrial-grade deep sinks (Denied) 

Steel nail file (Denied. Given wooden/sandpaper emery board 

in replacement.) 

Nail Clippers (Denied) 

Access to his personal surgery kit (Denied except in cases of 

testing. See Addendum.) 


The room is to remain locked, dead-bolted, and barred with at least 
two Class D guards on duty at any time. SCP-542 is to be fed two 

meals per day, delivered by Class D personnel, and as per request, 
will be given a transfusion of fresh blood (1 pint, any type) per week. 


SCP-222-J: Contagious Biophysical Behavior 


Item #: SCP-222-J 
Object Class: Keter 


Special Containment Procedures: SCP-222-J cannot be 
contained with currently available levels of technology. Efforts are 
being made to devise a method of containment. 


Description: SCP-222-J is an incredibly contagious biophysical 
memetic phenomenon, capable of infectious transmission between 
multiple victims over distances both long- and close-range. 
SCP-222-J can infect any vertebrate in the animal kingdom, but is 
more prevalent among higher life-forms, including felines, canines, 
equines, reptilians, and avians. SCP-222-J is most virulent in 
humans. SCP-222-J was only recently discovered by the 
Foundation, but further research has led to the fact that it has been 
known about since the early th century. 


SCP-222-J takes the form of a sudden and extremely prolonged 
inhalation of air by the affected subject, after which is a shorter, 
harsher exhalation. Subjects may stretch their bodies or limbs during 
SCP-222-J's occurrence, stopping in their tracks as they are 
overcome by its effects. Subjects may even attempt to cover their 
mouth while SCP-222-J is taking place. Researchers theorize this is 
an instinctive behavior to prevent the subject's soul from escaping. 
Another leading theory states that SCP-222-J is evidence of 
demonic possession, and that the subject must be exorcised. 


SCP-222-J can be transmitted through virtually any form of media, 
including long-distance audio, visual stimuli, and in-person 
interaction. Mass media shows high rates of transmission, with 
approximately % of exposed subjects infected within seconds. 
SCP-222-J is especially virulent in subjects with major sleep 
deprivation or boredom. One subject infected with SCP-222-J can 
infect any number of other subjects - research has not found an 


upper limit.