Clef: Oh Kon-chan, do you despise me so much that you wish me to 
not exist? 


[The surroundings shift, with walls and the floor melting into an off- 
white substance. Clef slowly stands up. Kondraki is losing his footing 
in the changing surroundings.] 


Clef: UNLIMITED CHOWDER WOK! 


But more so previously on SCP The Anime, part 1! 


No one in Hiroshima expected Little Boy in August. 


[It is a peaceful morning somewhere in North America. Site-19 is 
graced by the morning light and all is normal in the world. But 
suddenly, Site-19 mysteriously blows up in a mushroom cloud.] 


[The O5 Council convenes at their table, debating with one another 
as usual.] 


O5-3 Everyone-san, 19's gone. Although nobody died in the blast, 
including the SCPs and D-class. 


05-2: Three-san, what's with the Japanese honorific? 
05-3: Two-san, you're doing it too. 
O5-1: Never mind the honorific! As for 19, we'll just rebuild. 


[In the same land where Site-19 once stood, Neo-Site-19 stands. 
The building only looks more gritty, contrasting well with the lights at 
nighttime.] 


05-1 (V.O.): Given the highly public nature of recent anomalies, we 
will be reclassifying a significant portion of them as Explained. 


[In Neo-Site-19, Gears and Iceberg are seated adjacent to each 
other. Both are typing on their respective computers, filling the air 
with typing sounds.] 


Iceberg: Gears-senpai, is it just me or are the girls nowadays a bit 
tighter on the chest? 


Gears: The average bust size of women worldwide has increased 
inexplicably, that's SCP-906090-EX. 


[Iceberg's hand reaches out towards Gears’ keyboard.] 
Gears: Iceberg-san, what? 
Iceberg: Senpai, I'll never let have those boob fiends touch you. 


[Closeup of Iceberg's eye staring emptily on the screen. ] 


Iceberg: No... not even this. 


[Blacks out. Sound of clashing metals.] 


This is currently SCP the Anime, part 4! To conclude today's 
episode, a word from the screenwriter himself. 


To bring our audience-sama up to speed with a series 
they know nothing about, we? have taken the "liberty"3 of 
using a clip show of previous episodes' scripts. Do 
patronise us by watching the previous episodes here. 
This concludes today's episode of SCP The Anime. Bye- 
bye. 


Footnotes 

1. (often lowercase) any place that many people visit or hope to visit 
— Amerika English Dictionary 

2. By "we", | mean "I" (singular). There's supposed to be the series 
creator, but he's quite hands-off. Heck, | never even met him! 

3. Correction,we arel am on a tight budget and I'm too busy with late 
semester work to even hire animators or voice actors. 


Antarctic Exchange Hub 


We, the Throne of Her Royal and Illuminated Highness, 
The Lady of Lands, Queen of Queens, Empress Utmai 
Cjen, Sixth of Her Name and Fourteenth of Her Line, do 
hereby approve this exchange of scholars between the 
Imperial Institute of Paranormal and Esoteric Study and 
the Foundation, so as to foster the sharing of knowledge 
and greater companionship between the Realm of the 
Empire and the Lands of the Uncharted North. So We 
approve the articles proposed and attached, and deliver 
Our blessing upon this venture. 


We seal this in the Imperial Name, this Tenth of Radeyt, 
in this Year Four-Hundred and Eighty-Seven of the Third 
Imperial Age. 


Now, you might be thinking to yourself “Self, there is no way | can 
add to this canon: all the characters are set and the plot is already 
there and | can’t do anything without the continuity getting all 
awkward." 


Never fear! For you see, the group that you see featured in these 
tales were not the only Antarcticans to be sent to the Foundation. All 
told, perhaps a hundred researchers from the Institute were sent to 
the Foundation, spread throughout over a dozen sites: The tales 
featured for the contest involved only those stationed at Site-19. It’s 
a simple thing to add more characters at other sites, having their 
own adventures. 


Alternatively, you could always write about the Foundation 
researchers studying in the Empire, because that is most certainly a 
thing. 


The Tales 


Site-19 Exchangees 

* Last Plane Out of the South by Djoric, Dmatix, Azzleflux, and Zyn 
* Turn a New Page by Djoric 

* Collecting by Azzleflux 

* From On High by Djoric 

* Impressions by Zyn 

* Memory of a Memory by Dmatix 


Into the Empire 
* On the Other Side of the Coin by Bryx 
* A Merry Fellow by Ihpkmn 


Notes 


The Empire - The Third Empire is a strange, wonderful place, both 
very much different from the world we are used to, and at the same 
time, little changes. The various provinces have their own unique 
cultures, but there is an overlaying Imperial culture that all citizens 
belong to, which focuses on the worship of the Empress, reverence 
of her chosen servants the Menders and Watchers, and paying your 
taxes and tithes on time. Beyond that, there's room for whatever 
cool things you want to add. Deep-desert nomads who ride giant 
carnivorous penguins, for example. 


The Institute - The most important things to remember are that the 
Institute focuses more on the humanities over the sciences, and that 
it is public the extent that it is safe and reasonable for the public to 
know. The Institute often works with smaller organizations, and 
many exchanges may be working for the institute in this capacity. 


Many of the exchangees aren't strictly scientists. They might be 
historians, theologians, philosophers, artists, effectively anything 
that would fall under that catch-all term of “culturalist”. Scientists 
from the Empire are generally not as strictly defined as we are 
familiar (he’s a biologist, she’s a physicist, etc): instead, they will 
have knowledge of a much broader spectrum of fields. 


Dealing with Castes 


* Summer Court - The default Antarctican. Now, there are 


many shades of social position in the Summer Court, 
generally divided along family lines, occupation and where 
you're from: Those from the central provinces or Rootrel itself 
are higher on the ladder than those who live elsewhere. 
Black Court - Black Court culture has a general laissez-faire 
attitude towards life, often leading to trouble with everyone 
else. They don't fit into the typical caste hierarchy, viewing 
(and referring to) everyone as family. The Black Court is 
generally viewed with disdain by the Menders and upper-class 
Summer Court. 

Menders - The great bureaucracy of the Empire. Menders are 
of higher station than the highest of the Summer Court, 
despite many sub-orders renouncing material wealth or 
property. Menders will generally treat lower castes with pity, 
condescension, or apathy. They have a few alterations from 
the Blessings of Aqum generally with memory and clarity of 
thought. All Menders will have some experience in facing the 
Feastlings and Maws of Eser. 

Watchers - The highest of castes and the chosen of the 
Empress. Watchers do not interact with the Summer or Black 
Courts outside of official rituals except in the rarest of cases 
(such as Lucrezen’s), interacting primarily with the Mender 
caste. All of these interactions will involve a lot of bowing and 
scraping, and the majority of Watchers will see this as right 
and proper. Watchers have various, though subtle, 
augmentations from the Blessings of Aqum. These include 
comprehension of languages, perfect recall, clarity of thought, 
and other things of that manner. 

Minor Castes - There are quite a few minor castes from the 
outer provinces. They are generally considered of slightly 
lower station than the Summer Court: however, they still have 
the basic legal rights of citizens. 


Last Plane Out of the South 


There was an airplane cruising over the Atlantic Ocean. For all 
intents and purposes, this airplane did not exist, though that fact is 
neither here nor there and is generally irrelevant to the point at 
hand. That point, though it is undecided as to whether it is at the 
right or left hand at this time, is the people on the plane, which is a 
far more important subject than the plane itself. 


These people consisted of two groups, both very distinct. One group 
consisted of rather plain-looking people in button-down shirts and 
ties, blouses and skirts, or Kevlar vests. The other group consisted 
of several people with too many arms, two walking carpets, and all 
of them were wearing clothing that looked like the Catholic Church 
and the Ming Dynasty got drunk and decided “Hey, let’s try this 
parenting thing, it can’t be that hard’. 


They are the focus. The plane will eventually be scrapped in 2024 
due to unfortunate and classified circumstances, but once again, we 
are not talking about the plane. 


The Adviser 


Wisdom, Honor, Dignity. Those were the words of House Surten, 
passed down the ancient line since the dawn of the First Empire. 


Sakarn Var Surten looked at his traveling companions, and found 
precious little of the three. The interior of the small aircraft they were 
assigned would have been small and uncomfortable for someone of 
his standing even if he didn’t have to share it with this miserable lot 
of invalids, buffoons and castouts, and the entire affair was 
beginning to make him quite cross. 


“Snow! Where are you, boy?” 


“lam here, Lordship.” 


Sakarn nearly jumped out of his seat, but managed to hide his 
surprise with his usual courtier’s skill. Shifting Snow had a habit of 
appearing behind him silently and startling him, and Sakarn 
suspected the accursed servant was enjoying it. 


“| do wish you would stop doing that, summerling.” 
“| apologize, Lordship.” 


“Nevermind your apologies, just get me a drink. | am utterly parched, 
and these northerners clearly know nothing of proper dining 
etiquette.“ 


“As you wish, Lordship.” 


As the boy slowly wandered towards the drink tray, Sakarn reflected 
on how terribly difficult it was to find decent help and 
companionship. When he was the Grand Adviser in court, sitting on 
his seal-tusk chair at the Empress’ side, things were different. Oh, 
what wonders he had seen at the Argent Hall, as he drank nectar 
from crystal goblets and listened to the music of the heavens. He 
promised himself he would hear it again. He would bring honor to 
the Empress, and regain his own. He would make her forget his... 
indiscretion. 


“Your drink, Lordship. | apologize for the Styrofoam cup, but Trighit 
had apparently appropriated all of the glassware for some 
experiment. Should | ask him for one?” 


“You'll ask for nothing. | won’t have anything to do with that Black 
Court simpleton. The drink, boy.” 


“Yes, Lordship.” 


The boy handed him the plain Styrofoam cup, which was filled with 
some kind of foul, mud colored beverage. 


“What... what is that?” 
“| believe it is called coffee, Lordship. It is made from a bean.” 


“They would have a Mender drink beans!? By my honor, this is a 


sordid state of affairs indeed. | hope they at least served the 
Superior something appropriate of her standing? Surely, she would 
never accept such a treatment!" 


“She seems to be enjoying the drink, Lordship. She recommends 
you add sugar to it.” 


Sakarn sighed. It was difficult to look up to your betters when they 
worked so hard at degrading themselves. 


"Yes, of course she does." 


From drinking nectar with the Empress, to drinking beans with 
northerners, Black Court upstarts and provincial exiles. Oh, how the 
mighty have fallen. 


The Scholar 


“Can you show me where you are from?” Alai LoCaen thrust a map 
of the world at the man, beaming with excitement. 


“Um...Right...here. Dead center of Indiana.” He pointed to the blob 
that served as North America on the map, roughly where the 
Midwest should have been. Alai looked at his finger with a wide- 
eyed stare of amazement. 


“Amazing! Byr Lasell’s exploration of that region in 2-1023 claimed 
the area was completely uninhabitable! Tell me, what is the primary 
export of your region?” 


“Corn.” 
“Please explain: | do not know what corn is.” 


“Well, it's a vegetable, ‘s got a really tall stalk with these...we call 
them ears, but they don’t look like them...these big cob-things 
sticking out of it, and those have kernels on them, and you eat 
those.” 


“Excellent, excellent, wonderful.” Alai scribbled a note down in her 
logbook: Corn — tall with ears: eat kernels. “Now then, what is your 
mother’s profession and caste?” 


“She’s a pharmacist, uh...works with medicine.” 


“And you are a soldier? Did you choose your father’s caste? Or is it 
a woman’s union?” 


“Don’t really have castes...” 


“Oh, right, right, I’m sorry, very sorry.” All of this was so exciting, so 
wonderfully strange, she could barely contain herself. The plane was 
strange, the food was strange, the inhabitants strange: Pale- 
skinned, like one minor caste she had seen in The Imperial 
Naturalist. No castes, multiple nations, esoteric secrecy. And all of 
this after only a few hours on the other side of the portal. “In that 
case, could you please explain the raising of children, their 
education, and how professions are determined?” 


” 


“Erm... 
“No, wait, food. Tell me about food.” 

The Servant 

"So you cover the swine-flesh tube with corn? Fascinating!" 
"Err, | suppose that's one way to put it..." 


Shifting Snow had to admire his cousin's ability to extract 
information, and out of a trained agent, no less. He never would 
have imagined wide-eyed enthusiasm could be so effective. Alai 
could have been a useful agent for the Frost, had she been born 
with a more useful disposition. We each had our talents, he 
supposed. 


"Snow, this beverage is cold. Fetch me another." 


Instinctively, Snow entered Rapid Assessment. The fifteen years he 
has spent since giving up his name to become a member of the 
Frost, the Empress personal information gathering force, had made 
ita second nature to him. 


Objective: acquire drink 


SCP-580: Shi Huang Ti's Five Heaven Chariot 


Item #: SCP-580 


Object Class: (Keter) Due to a review of current documentation as 
of January 5, 2009, this SCP has been reclassified as Euclid. 


Special Containment Procedures: Due to the nature of SCP-580 
and the environment that it is normally found in, the following 
protocols are to be observed at all times of contact. Note that this 
document covers both the item itself (hereafter referred to as SCP 
580-01) and the crew found inside (SCP 580-02). 


1. At least one Foundation Agent who is fluent in Mandarin and 
is of obvious Chinese descent must be present; during an 
emergency, the former requirement is of higher priority. (For 
the purposes of this document, this person shall be referred to 
as the Contact Leader.) All communication occurring between 
the Foundation team and SCP 580-02 must go through the 
Contact Leader, as SCP-580-02 will not respond to any other 
interaction. 

2. Communication must be kept at a non-hostile level; no 
aggression must be displayed by the contact team at any 
time. The Contact Leader must state their team’s current 
mission and agenda as truthfully as possible, both conscious 
and unconsciously (i.e. body language, stress indicators). 

3. The team must apologize for “Interfering with a military 
operation on Imperial territory” and state that they are leaving 
immediately. If in doubt, the Contact Leader may ask for 
directions to the nearest “neutral area” from any member of 
SCP-580-02’s group, preferably the one that they interacted 
with the most. Care must be taken that the team give the 
impression that they are leaving immediately; further contact 
with SCP-580 within a 24 hour period from departure is not 
recommended due to prior hostile behavior at such actions. 

4. Should hostilities commence, the Foundation Team is to leave 


Operator: Sakarn Var Surten, former Grand Adviser and insufferable 
twit