“Oh yes, though it was many years ago, and | don’t recall seeing you 
there.” 


“Well, the Circus is super old. It’s over a hundred years older than | 
am. | bet you saw Manny when you were there though. Hard to miss 
a guy with an upside-down face; plus he’s been with the Circus 
forever, like since the very beginning.” 


“Well, not quite,” the man said. “Do forgive me for being nosy, but | 
happened to overhear the end of your conversation with the other 
gentleman and | couldn't help but wonder if you might be the 
paramour of a Clown by the name of Icky?” 


Lolly beamed a proud smile. 
“Why yes, I’m the Ringmaster’s playmate. Do you know Icky?” 
The man’s cheek twitched at the naming of Icky as Ringmaster. 


“Indeed | do. Better than you do even. For longer, at least. In fact, 
you could even say she wouldn't be where she is today without me.” 


Lolly’s face suddenly froze in horror as she realized why this man 
looked so familiar. She had seen his image every day since she was 
seven years old. The moustache of his beard was still slightly curled, 
the squashed hat on his head bore the crumpled monogram of HF, 
and the back of his faded red coat had the tails of a Ringmaster’s 
costume. 


“Fuller,” she whispered softly. The man smiled widely at her, 
chuckling. “Victor, run! Get out of here!” 


“Now now now Miss Lollipop there’s no cause for alarm,” Herman 
said. “It is Lollipop, isn’t it? Oh, I’ve heard about you too. Icky’s 
lovely and beloved assistant. I’m sure you two put on quite a show. | 
really do just want to catch up and get to know the new additions like 
yourself. Perhaps over some Clown’s Milk and animal crackers at 
my place? I’ve got the howler monkey crackers: quite the delicacy.” 


“Get away from me!” Lolly screamed as she backed away, unwilling 
to take her eyes off him. 


sensation to explode onto the international scene. Her upbeat lyrics, 
infectious beats, sparkling melodies, and perky stage presence are 
sweeping the pop world. An up and coming idol not to be missed! 
Music Results: 4 albums' worth of cookie-cutter A-Pop music, 
bouncy and upbeat, with catchy pop hooks, and high-pitched girly 
vocals. Mostly musings on love and relationships, descriptions of 
activities with friends, and one album of music for an animated 
harem-comedy series. 

Subject Comments: "Oh [EXPLETIVE REDACTED] no! If | ever 
end up doing any [EXPLETIVE REDACTED] thing anywhere 
[EXPLETIVE REDACTED] close to that, just [EXPLETIVE 
REDACTED] feed me to 682! [EXPLETIVE REDACTED]!" 


Note: This just makes me wonder how SCP-624 determines the 
music the user potentially creates: especially if it clashes with their 
personality. -Dr. Z 


Subject: D-861. Subject is deaf and cannot hear. 

Artist Profile: [NAME REDACTED]. Listen. 

Music Results: A series of tracks with names like "Ohz-10khz," 
"1Okhz-10ghz," and most peculiarly, "[REDACTED]." Selecting any 
of the tracks resulted in a loud feedback noise that made everyone 
but Subject D-861 cover their ears. Testing personal proceeded to 
listen through the headphones: audio was a sharp, tinny version of 
the noises within the room. When Subject D-861 put on the 
headphones, he was visibly stunned and began shouting how he 
could hear for the first time. Subject D-861 proceeded to converse 
with the other staff, finally able to hear his own voice and the voices 
of those around him. Subject was then asked to listen to the other 
tracks. The track "10khz-10ghz" sent the subject into a state of brief 
shock, but would not describe what he was hearing: he quickly 
switched back to "Ohz-10khz." Other tracks carried other anomalies: 
tracks that could hear everything in other languages, that cancelled 
out reverb, that censored foul language, and more. Finally, Subject 
D-861 listened to "[REDACTED]." Subject shows no reaction at first, 
but gradually begins screaming at what he hears, throwing the 
headphones off. 

Subject Comments: According to his interpreter, Subject D-861's 
last words were, "So many voices, and they finally heard us." 


“Sir, you’re upsetting her. You need to leave,” Victor said, placing his 
hand on Herman’s shoulder. Herman snarled at him, and then blew 
a stream of air as cold as liquid nitrogen onto Victor's hand. It 
instantly froze solid, and Victor fell to the ground screaming in 
agony. 


“Straight from my icy, icy heart,” Herman said, brushing the frost off 
his shoulder. “Also, | smoke menthols.” 


"Guards!" the water merchant cried, running off for help. 


Lolly gritted her teeth, her eyes burning a fiery red, and pulled out a 
war hammer sized wooden mallet from her pockets and charged at 
Fuller, swinging wildly. Herman effortlessly dodged each blow, 
ducking and bobbing like a champion boxer. 


“Move like a butterfly, sting like a bee, if you’re going to fight dirty 
you should swing for the knees!” Herman slipped behind her and 
then knocked her down with a kick to the back of her knees. She fell 
to the ground and dropped the mallet. When she looked up she saw 
Herman towering over her, holding the enormous hammer over his 
shoulder like he was playing crochet. “Last chance for those animal 
crackers.” 


Lolly sprinted off down the alley as quickly as she could. 


“Worth a shot,” Herman said, pulling out a walkie-talkie and 
speaking into it. “Looks like we’re doing this the hard way, Tom. I'll 
drive her to you.” 


“Understood,” Tom radioed back. 


"There, that's him!" the water merchant shouted, pointing at Fuller. 
She was now accompanied by a pair of masked guards in leather 
armour and hooded cloaks. Fuller glanced around for potential 
weapons or distractions, and saw that a nearby produce merchant 
was Selling critical tomatoes. 


"Hey, did you hear about the Sarkist who lost his copy of the 
Valkzaron? " he asked loudly. "He should've kept a better /on it." 


The tomatoes immediately shot towards Fuller at a dangerous 


velocity. He rolled out of the way at lightning speed, leaving the 
guards, merchant and Victor to be mercilessly pelted for his pun. 


Herman slipped off in the chaos and sped off after Lolly, zigzagging 
around stalls and merchants as he raced down the winding alley. It 
didn't take long to catch up with his quarry, and when she saw him 
she ducked into the food court to try to lose him. She dropped to her 
knees and crawled between rows and under tables to avoid his 
gaze. 


Herman immediately starting knocking over tables and chairs with 
the mallet. The diners screamed and shouted, and he knocked over 
several cans of Diet Ghost so that spirits were flying around like 
swarms of flies, driving most everyone else away in terror. 


This quickly attracted the attention of the food court’s judge, leaping 
from atop its pedestal of the Starbuck’s sign and descending upon 
Fuller. The blindfolded being, in its damask robes and powdered 
wig, towered over Fuller and unleashed a deafening, unholy howl 
that signified that he should clean up his mess and reimburse the 
other patrons whose meals he had destroyed, roughly translated. 


“Hey, if you’re the judge, then how come I’ve got the gavel?” Fuller 
asked as he brought the mallet down upon the judge’s head, 
smashing it like a watermelon. The rest of the body fell limp and 
showed no signs of regeneration. “Yes! In your face Gallagher! Wait, 
what was | doing? Crap, Lolly!” 


Lolly had already vanished from the food court in the confusion, 
having run down a stray, deserted alleyway. Not daring to stop, she 
pulled out her phone and speed dialled Gary. 


“Hey hey, you’ve reached Herman Fuller’s...” 


“Gary, it’s Lolly! I’m in trouble! I’m at the Utterly Bazaar and so is 
Fuller! He’s after me!” 


“What?” 


“| know there’s a Way into the Library here somewhere, I’m going to 
try to get to it. Tell Icky and Manny or anyone that | need help now! 


Tell Icky | love her, tell everyone | love them!” 


Lolly screamed as she was hoisted up into a net, dropping her 
phone to the ground. 


“Lolly? Lolly? Zoltan, go find Icky and Manny and tell them that 
Fuller’s at the Bazaar and he’s after Lolly!” 


Gary could hear Fuller’s laughter over the phone as he skipped 
towards his prize. 


“Child, oh child, now don’t you fret. 
There is no need for curses and threats. 
! wouldn't dream of hurting you - yet. 
Not ‘til you’re my merry, merry marionette. 
Oh, my merry, merry, marionette, ” 


Herman sang, bending down to pick up the phone. “Gary old pal, is 
that you? Listen, I’m sorry about the last time we talked. | was under 
a lot of stress at the time, but I’m in a much better place now. No 
hard feelings?” 


“Are you out of your mind? Do you know who you’ve got? Icky will 
send the whole Circus after you to get her back!” 


Herman only chuckled, tapping a red phone icon on the screen. 


“I’m counting on it,” he said as he went to put the phone in his 
pocket. 


“What?” he heard Gary ask. 


“Oh crap, did | not hang up? Curse these modern phones. The red 
button’s ‘end call’ right?” 


“You can’t just tap it, | have it set so you have to hold it for a second 
so | can’t hang up by accident,” Lolly replied, bobbing up and down 
in her net. 


“Ah, thank you,” Herman said, successfully disconnecting the call 
this time. “Excellent work Mr. Brenneman.” 


Herman’s accomplice emerged from the shadows. Even in the dim 
light, he was not pleasant to look upon. He was skinny, but unevenly 
so, as if parts of him were missing. His cheeks and eyes were 
deeply sunken, and his face was heavily and randomly scarred. His 
grey hair was limp, and his eyes looked like they had seen far too 
many horrible things. 


“Wait, Brenneman? Tom Brenneman? Manny told me about you! 
You're the one who tried to kidnap Elisa, aren’t you?” Lolly asked. 


“| tried to save Elisa!” Tom shouted, coming right up to her face. 
“And do you know what The Man with the Upside-Down Face did to 
me for that? He tossed me to your kind! I...1 can still hear them 
laughing, do you know that? | barely sleep, and when | do | wake up 
screaming. Do you want to know something else? Your Icky was 
there too, as monstrous as the rest of them. | wonder if you would 
still think she's so wonderful if you knew what she did to people who 
get on her bad side, what she did to me.” 


“| Know exactly what Icky does to freak killers and traitors,” Lolly 
assured him. She blew a bubble of spit out like it was bubble gum; 
bigger and bigger until it finally popped like a balloon, showering her 
abductors in spittle. “You obviously weren’t inflated, so you got off 
easy.” 


“You think so? That wasn’t even the end of it. | obviously wasn’t too 
happy with Icky or Manny after that, so when they turned against 
Fuller | took his side, and they tossed us both into the Darkness 
Between Dimensions! We were there for years! In the Darkness, | 
could see the faces of all the vicious Clowns Manny sicced on me!” 


He pulled the net closer to him and cocked his fist. 


“Easy Tom! Easy,” Fuller said. “Remember: she’s bait. We get her 
back to the Matinee, then the Circus comes to us and we can have 
our revenge. Alright?” 


“Right boss,” Tom nodded, releasing the net. 


“Lower the net. We've got to get moving.” 


“What the hell is this net made of anyways?” Lolly asked as she 
struggled against it, noting that it seemed to be suppressing her 
magic. 


“Oh, just some electro-thaumic conductive alloy. Ed & Al's sold me a 
60-mile reel for 99 thousand inklings. It's amazing what you can buy 
in bulk.” 


“I know, right? Just like a week ago | got a huge tub of Antabuse. | 
used it on an elephant!” 


The net was carelessly dropped to the ground, and Tom picked it up 
and slung it over his back. 


“Lead the way, Fuller.” 


“Where are you taking me? And how did you even get here without 
a Kaleidoscope?” Lolly asked as they hustled through the alleys. 


“Who do you think made the Kaleidoscope my dear? | know 
everything there is to know about Ways, and a Kaleidoscope is just 
a device to create temporary Ways to any door you want. That’s why 
it needs calliope music. That’s the Knock that lets you through. Of 
course, | also put other security measures into it, like making it 
impossible to accept incoming Ways unless you had a valid key, 
which | don’t anymore, and charmed the whole Circus to prevent 
anyone outside creating Ways in through ordinary doors, so it 
seems | was too prudent for my own good. 

“No matter, no matter. | can still create Ways on my own, which is 
how | got here. It’s also how we'll get back to the Matinee, assuming 
| can find it. All these alleys look alike.” 


“What is this Matinee you keep talking about?” Lolly asked. 


“| wouldn’t want to spoil the surprise, but | assure you it is the 
most...” 


“LOLLY!” Icky’s panicked scream echoed through the Bazaar. 
“...that ain’t good.” 


“ICKY! ICKY I'M HERE!” Lolly screamed back. 


“Goddammit, move Tom, move!” 


The pair of Clown-nappers sped down alleyways more or less at 
random, but always away from the sound of Icky’s enraged 
screams. 


“LOLLY! LOLLY WHERE ARE YOU?” 
“IN THE ALLEYS! FOLLOW MY VOICE!” 


“Boss, we aren't going to be able to outrun her. We should drop the 
girl and get out while we can,” Tom said. 


“The hell we should! I’m not giving up now, not when I’m this close 
to getting my Circus back!” Fuller snapped. “Just duck into a 
building. The stone walls are thick enough to be soundproof, so she 
won't find us no matter how much her little urchin screams.” 


Tom grabbed the knob of the first door he saw, but it was locked. As 
was the next one, and the one after that. 


“FULLER!” 


“We don’t have time for this!” Tom shouted, growing increasingly 
panicked by the growing proximity of Icky’s psychotic screams of 
fury. 


“Stand back!” Fuller ordered. He took a running start at the door, 
slamming it multiple times with the mallet, but to no avail. “Oh, the 
tragic irony! Herman Fuller; master of interdimensional doorways, 
barred by a mundane one. No matter. This moment was inevitable 
anyway, that the once and future Ringmaster should have to duel 
his usurper to reclaim his Circus. Icky! Let us battle! Let our skills of 
spectacle be put to the test! Let nothing less than the fate of the 
Circus be decided by the pitting of our two great...” 


While he was talking Icky ran up from behind and snapped his neck 
180 degrees. She shoved the body out of the way and stared down 
Tom with murderous intent. Tom immediately dropped Lolly to the 
ground and raised his hands in surrender. 


“Icky, it was all Herman. | didn’t want to help, | had no choice, I...” 


Icky grabbed the mallet and swung it upwards, knocking Tom’s head 
clean off and sending it flying into the nearest building. His head 
struck the wall with so much force it splattered, leaving a Rorschach 
test of blood and brains stained upon it. 


Icky dropped to her knees and untied the net, then clutched Lolly as 
hard as she could without hurting her. She broke down into 
unrestrained sobbing. 


“Lolly. Lolly,” she whimpered. 


“It’s okay. I’m okay. They didn’t hurt me. They didn’t have a chance. 
You got here so fast! You saved me! You were incredible! I’m safe, 
thanks to you. Icky, you’re shaking. It’s over now, try to calm down. 
Deep breaths, okay?” 


As Icky attempted to regain a modicum of composure, Manny finally 
caught up with her. He came to a stop over the body of Fuller, 
bending over to examine it. 


He jumped backwards when Fuller started laughing. 


“Why didn’t | think of this sooner? The Man with the Upside-Down 
Face and Backwards Head Guy! What a duo we’d make!” Herman 
said, rising to his feet. 


“Fuller!” Icky screeched, charging at him to tear him limb from limb. 
He somersaulted into the air to avoid her, landing on his feet and 
then snapping his head into its proper position. 


“I’m going to have a hell of a time explaining that one to my 
chiropractor,” he said.