[MTF-S-88 enters the kitchen. The counters 
and table are littered with discarded food and 
prescription pill bottles. November nudges a 
puddle of crushed packets of cake mix and 
milk with the barrel of his gun. The puddle is 
lifted from the table, having solidified over 
time. Charlie motions to a window directly 
across from the overflowing table. It has been 
smeared with an unknown substance. ] 


Charlie: That's dog shit. It's been sitting here 
for a while. | can smell it past the rotting fridge. 


November: And they're saying someone lives 
in all this filth. 


Bravo: What was the stage designation of 
Perry, sir? 


November: They told me four. I'm beginning 
to think that was a lie. 


[MTF-S-88 navigates into the hallway with 
caution. They are notably slowed by the piling 
debris as they approach what is assumed to 
be Perry's bedroom. November knocks heavily 
on the door.] 


November: Hello, Mister Perry? Are you 
home? 


Perry: Heh... Hewwo? 
Bravo: Shit, he's in there. 


November: Mister Perry, we're going to ask 
you to lay on the ground with your hands up. 
Do not make any sudden movements. Failure 


to comply can and will get you shot. 
Perry: Hi! Fwiends, come pway wiff me! 
Charlie: Sir, | don't think he understands. 
November: Let's hope to God he does. 


[MTF-S-88 breaks down the door and rushes 
into the room. The room is pitch black, and the 
majority of the surfaces are covered in bodily 
fluids and mold. The remnants of Perry's 
computer are dangling off of the desk, now 
encrusted with unidentifiable substances. The 
mattress from Perry's bed is shredded, and the 
bed frame splintered. Perry himself is barely 
visible behind piles of rotting food, soiled 
clothes, and destroyed furry paraphernalia. He 
is curled against the corner of the wall, 
wearing a grimy sweater and the torn threads 
of a costume tail. His hair is greasy and 
unkempt, and his eyes are bloodshot. Light 
from a flashlight shines onto him. He hisses 
and crawls to his hands and feet. MTF-S-88 
train their guns onto him. Despite his 
circumstances, Perry wears a large grin and 
wide eyes. |] 


Perry: Hewwo! What awe you doing? 


November: Put your hands in the air where 
we can see them. 


[Perry crawls forward. He is now visibly 
shaking, but his expression has remained the 
same.] 


November: Sir, comply or we will be forced to 
shoot you! 


Perry: Pwease hewp me, mistew powice man! 


Pwease hewp! 
Charlie: What the hell — 
Perry: Pwease, hewp me! 


[Perry abruptly lunges at November and clings 
onto him. Bravo and Charlie turn and 
immediately open fire with tranquilizer guns on 
Perry. The camera lens cracks, and the 
recording footage turns black. Perry's voice 
can be heard giggling distinctly among the 
shouting, as well as wet squelching noises.] 


[END LOG] 


Footnotes 

1. The URL (www. . ) is inaccessible when directly 
typed. Recovered links to the website have been discovered 
circulating on social media platforms such as Twitter, Tumblr, and 
Reddit, perpetuated by dummy accounts and shared by individuals 
Stages 1 through 3. 

2. The amount of time that it takes to progress through a stage is 
specific to the individual, and a stage may persist indefinitely. 

3. When interviewed, all surveyed Stage 3 individuals showed 
recognition of the name "olliefox". Reactions to the name range from 
ecstasy to utter disgust. 

4. Notable occurrences include the discovery of the body of Jamison 
V P in county, California, on 09/12/  .Mr. P suffered 
from Type 1 Diabetes and perished following a two-day diet 
consisting solely of | -brand chocolate candy. 

5. Removed image; illustration of a red panda, albeit with 
monochrome colors. 

6. Removed image; assumed to be the logo of www. 


SCP-3313: Poor Richard 


Item #: SCP-3313 
Object Class: Keter 


Special Containment Procedures: SCP-3313 is, once recovered, 
to be kept in a high value containment chamber on floor 46 of 
Site-88. This chamber should utilize at least 2 of the extant 
overlapping Scranton Reality Anchor fields on that floor to suppress 
the reality altering effects of SCP-3313. Individuals are not allowed 
to come into direct physical contact with SCP-3313. 


Until recovered, communications from any national or private space 
program's orbital assets are to be reviewed by Mobile Task Force 
Kappa-12 ("The French Courtiers") for information regarding 
SCP-3313. Any information recovered in this manner is to be utilized 
in locating and recovering SCP-3313. 


SCP-3313-1 is, once recovered, to be kept in a standard humanoid 
containment cell at Site-19. 


Description: SCP-3313 is the severed penis of Benjamin Franklin 
(hereby referred to as SCP-3313-1). Despite having no biological 
support system, SCP-3313 appears resistant to both damage and 
decay. When in physical contact with any individual, SCP-3313 
provides that individual with reality altering capabilities roughly 
analogous with that of a Class II reality altering entity. 


SCP-3313's provided reality altering capabilities are vocal in nature, 
and individuals incapable of verbally communicating requests are 
believed to be incapable of utilizing the object in this manner. 
Requests made by individuals in physical contact with SCP-3313 
are, when within SCP-3313's capacity to grant, fulfilled immediately. 
These requests are generally fulfilled in an exact and literal manner. 


SCP-3313 was recovered as part of a previously unknown collection 


scans showed that Mrs. 's brain had a massive lesion in the 
shape of a nonagon in her parietal lobe. She was otherwise fit and 
there was no evidence as to how she suffered this injury. Mrs. 

was placed under medical observation. On 08/16/1971, Mrs. 

began to speak in an unknown language for a period of 8 minutes. 
When questioned, she was unable to explain why or what she had 
said. On 08/24/1971, Mrs. left her room in the medical wing, 
walked to the nearest blackboard, and drew an extensive and 
impressive astronomical map of an unknown region of space. After 
she completed the map, she collapsed to the floor and died. Autopsy 
results showed no biological reason for death, and study of her 
parietal lobe showed that the nonagonal lesion had ceased to exist. 


« SCP-424 | SCP-425 | SCP-426 » 


of SCP-3313-1's personal effects from his time in Paris, France. The 
object's anomalous properties were immediately discovered once 
the object itself was identified. Foundation DNA testing confirmed 
the object belonged to either a close relative of SCP-3313-1 or 
SCP-3313-1 itself. Incident Omega 54, however, has provided 
enough context to conclude that SCP-3313 was in fact 
SCP-3313-1's penis. 


+ Show Excerpt of Incident Omega 54 Documentation 


Incident Omega 54 
Documentation Relating to 
SCP-3313 


On July 3rd 2017, the Chaos Insurgency 
completed a ritual to resurrect several of the 
United States' founding fathers in an effort to 
complete a coup of the US Government. 
Included in this ritual were George 
Washington, Thomas Jefferson, John Adams, 
Alexander Hamilton, and SCP-3313-1. 


Current dossiers recovered by the SCP 
Foundation indicate that in addition to various 
anomalous properties possessed by these 5 
individuals, SCP-3313-1 possessed no penis. 
Further information on these anomalous 
properties may be found in Document Omega 
54-J. 


All 5 individuals escaped Chaos Insurgency 
custody by July 6th, and are currently at large. 
Prior to this incident, SCP-3313 was kept ina 
standard containment chamber in the low 
value containment division of Site-88. On July 
9th, SCP-3313-1 gained access to Site-88's 
low value containment division and was 
allowed to come into contact with SCP-3313. 


The methods by which this was achieved are 
still unknown and audio records of the incident 
are not available. 4 seconds after physical 
contact was achieved SCP-3313 began to 
generate thrust in a similar manner to that of a 
chemical rocket engine and both SCP-3313 
and SCP-3313-1 escaped the site upwards. 
This escape damaged all 8 of the above floors, 
though SCP-3313-1 appears to have avoided 
physical harm. 


Current calculations indicate that SCP-3313 
and SCP-3313-1's acceleration was 
insufficient to gain true escape velocity, though 
the parabola will take several months to 
complete. The projected landing location is 
currently unknown. 


SCP-3314: Paintings From a Homesick Painter 


Item #: SCP-3314 
Object Class: Safe 


Special Containment Procedures: SCP-3314 paintings are to be 
kept in a climate controlled cooler in order to prevent deterioration. 
Testing, experimentation, or other use involving SCP-3314 can be 
initiated by personnel with a clearance level of 2 or higher. 


SCP-3314-C 


Description: SCP-3314 is the collective designation of 7 oil 
paintings (SCP-3314-A through SCP-3314-H) by the realism artist 
Antonio Russo. The paintings are a series titled "Ricordi Del Mondo 
Precedente" (translation: "Memories Of The Previous World") which 
were painted following Antonio Russo's immigration to New York, 
USA, in 1847. Dating of the paintings indicates that they were 
painted between 1855 and 1875. All 7 of the paintings depict various 
areas of Genoa, Italy, the birthplace of Antonio Russo. 


The anomalous effects of SCP-3314 paintings manifest when a 
human is within 1.5 meters and is actively observing one of the 
paintings. When these criteria are met, the individual will begin to 
experience auditory and olfactory hallucinations analogous to the 
subject matter of the painting. The intensity of hallucinations has 
been reported to grow stronger the longer an individual is observing 
the painting. 


Observation Logs: 


Painting Description: SCP-3314-C depicts a 
marketplace where various plants are being sold. 
Setup: D-98019 is placed in front of SCP-3314-C as 
instructed to report what he is experiencing. 

Results: D-98019 reports that he can smell flowers of 


some sort, as well as the faint scent of fruit. D-98019 
also reports that he can hear what sounds like people 
talking, and the sound of a broom being brushed across 
stone. 

Notes: N/A 


Painting Description: SCP-3314-E depicts a tree with a 
house behind it. 

Setup: D-17282 is placed in front of SCP-3314-E as 
instructed to report what she is experiencing. 

Results: D-17282 reports that she can hear the sounds 
of the leaves rustling on the tree, and can smell manure. 
Notes: N/A 


Painting Description: SCP-3314-H depicts a room 
inside of a building. Within the room is period-appropriate 
furniture for a bedroom. 

Setup: D-64801 is placed in front of SCP-3314-H as 
instructed to report what he is experiencing. 

Results: D-64801 reports that he can faintly smell 
mildew. After 1 minute, D-64801 reports that he can hear 
what sounds like a conversation between 2 people, a 
man, and a woman. Though he cannot speak Italian, he 
does note that he repeatedly heard the name "Antonio" 
mentioned. 

Notes: Subsequent tests utilizing personnel who 
understand Italian have been unsuccessful, as the 
conversation between the man and the women was 
never heard again. 


Addendum 3314.1: On 5/26/1974, the Foundation conducted a 
search of the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York, USA. As part 
of the search, Foundation personnel examined texts written by 
Antonio Russo which referred to SCP-3314. Among the texts, the 
following was found. (The following text has been translated from 
Italian into English.) 


When | paint, | feel what | am painting. Each stroke of my 
brush is a step toward completion, not only of my 
painting but of a new piece of myself. | only wish I could 
share my artwork with my family. | often stir in my bed, 


wondering what they are doing. Looking out my bedroom 
window, | wish only that | could see the rolling hills of 
Genoa instead of the stone behemoths of this city. When 
| paint, | feel emotions I've never felt before. When | look 
into my paintings, | feel like | am home. 


SCP-3315:p e rseverance 


Item #: SCP-3315 
Object Class: Safe 


Special Containment Procedures: SCP-3315 is to kept ina 
standard inanimate object locker when not used during testing. All 
personnel interested in research with the object must first obtain 
approval from project head prior to experimentation. All testing is to 
be recorded and observed from within Site-55's experimentation 
chambers, which are to be retrofitted with T-3 thermal insulation 
pods and inspected daily by members of research staff. 


Description: SCP-3315 is a 1m black metal ice pick with "persev 
erance"! engraved onto its handle. The object is abnormally cold, 
registering in at about 193K (approximately -79.4 °C) and requiring 
use of protective equipment when handling the device. On the ring 
of the handle is a single written note, laminated and attached via zip 
tie. The note reads as follows: 


O wonderer, struck forth on heaven's eye 
What mysteries do yonder frozen ridges hide? 
Don't seal your fate with the pick on high 
When you climb to reach perseverance's side 


Once a subject firmly grasps and lifts SCP-3315, they will disappear 
from all visual and global positioning systems, only retaining audio 
broadcasting for the duration of the event. The subject will then be 
translocated to an alternate locality defined as SCP-3315-1. If 
multiple subjects grasp SCP-3315 simultaneously, they will all 
appear within SCP-3315-1 together. 


Once the subject appears within SCP-3315-1, they will be 


unrecoverable until they expire, whereupon they reemerge alive and 
unscathed within SCP-3315's original location. During the event, 
subjects are unable to die of hunger, thirst, or asphyxiation?, nor will 
they be able to intentionally lose SCP-3315. All other forms of 
termination seem to work without issue. 


SCP-3315-1 appears to be a single mountain range of unknown 
size, subject to a dense fog that obscures the surrounding area. 
Topological expeditions of SCP-3315 have yielded inconclusive 
data, suggesting that SCP-3315-1 is not located on Earth and is 
randomly generated with each instance of its manifestation. Despite 
this, certain items and features have been shown to reappear in 
different manifestations of SCP-3315-1. Research into how 
SCP-3315 constructs its reality is still under analysis. 


Addendum-3315-A: Discovery and Recovery Log 


SCP-3315 was brought to Foundation attention on 05/11/02 after the 
hospitalization of trailer park supervisor Francis , who had 
claimed to have suffered several delusional/psychotic episodes in 
which he had found himself with lost time and in an unknown 
location. states he had been cleaning out the unit of a tenant 
who had gone missing a week prior, whereupon he was transported 
to SCP-3315-1 and perished rapidly due to hypothermia. After 
reappearing, he had attempted to return to work several times 
before finally admitting himself to a nearby hospital. A Foundation 
agent stationed as a nurse reported the claims and an official 
investigation was deployed. 


's tenant records were seized and determined that the lot in 
question had belonged to a [REDACTED}]- it is unknown if this is a 
real name or not, as no other records of such individual were 
registered within County nor any of the surrounding 
counties. was unable to provide any further details about the 
individual, stating that they were invalid and had rarely interacted 
with the person in question. 


Foundation efforts to properly identify SCP-3315 took place over the 
next three days, during which its anomalous properties came to 
light. Anomalous Items Recovery Unit 33B ("Scavengers") was 
assigned to the location. Records of their debriefing can be found 


below. 
« Access AIRU-33B Debrief Transcript 
AIRU-33B/SCP-3315 Debrief Log 001