Description: SCP-1385 is a ring composed of concrete, measuring 
19mm in diameter and weighing approximately 1.4 grams. The 
object has many superficial flaws in the form of cracks and air 
bubbles, though it has been coated with a polyurethane resin 
resulting in a glossy texture. 


SCP-1385's anomalous properties become evident whenever a 
living human wears it on any part of their body. The most 
immediately evident effect is the spontaneous and instantaneous 
appearance of fully grown specimens of Si/ybum marianum (Milk 
Thistle) on any surface the subject's feet contact. This includes the 
soles of any footwear the subject attempts to wear. Because of the 
presence of spines typical of Si/ybum marianum, this invariably 
results in minor injury to the subject's feet and great discomfort 
when attempting to walk. 


Secondary effects of SCP-1385 are not immediately noticeable due 
to both the length of time required for them to be observed, and the 
specific conditions required for their emergence. The first of these 
effects causes a rapid increase in the growth of the subject's hair. In 
just three days of contact with SCP-1385, hair growth can exceed 1 
meter. The hair weaves itself into a net-like pattern, after which the 
subject gains conscious control of the hair. These "nets" can be 


used by the subject to scoop up objects they would normally be able 
to pick up with their hands. The forces holding the weaves intact are 
not currently understood, nor those which allow the subject to 
voluntarily control them. 


Finally, subjects under SCP-1385's influence have an unexplained 
effect on crustaceans of the family Nephropidae, and some species 
from family Homaridae (Clawed Lobsters)!. Affected specimens will 
invariably attempt physical contact with the subject with no regard to 
self preservation. Subjects in tests have expired from asphyxiation 
before breaking contact. This effect is more easily observed if the 
subject is submerged in water along with several specimens. 


Addendum 1385-A: SCP-1385 was discovered on April 22, 20 in 


an abandoned warehouse in ; . The warehouse had 
apparently been taken as a place of residence by an unknown party, 
later to be identified as , had left the premises 


several days prior on April 19, but had left behind a majority of his 
equipment and possessions. The equipment is highly eclectic in 
nature, ranging from scientific instruments to religious paraphernalia. 
More notable objects include: 


¢ 1 argon ion laser. 

¢ 1 iron Thor's hammer amulet. 

* 1 booklet containing three (3) instances of SCP- 

¢ 34 liters of kombucha tea. 

* 3 vertebrae of an unknown species. DNA analysis proved 
inconclusive. 

¢ The crushed remains of 42 concrete rings nearly identical to 
SCP-1385 in dimensions. 


Addendum 1385-B: A 300-page journal belonging to was 
discovered at the site of SCP-1385's recovery. 249 of the pages 
contain either writing, sketches, or both, with the remaining pages 
being blank. The following are notable excerpts from the journal. 


Page 1: 
Day 1 


Today | set out to create something I've never attempted 
before. I'm confident | have the skills to pull it off, but to 


be sure I've brought plenty of supplies in case | screw it 
up and need to try again. Soon enough, I'll be sitting 
pretty with a conjuring ring. | can't wait to see the look on 
their faces when | show it to them. 


Page 134: 


Day 24 

| think I'm getting close now. The last ring was a failure 
like the rest, but at least it didn't turn my earwax into 
maggots. | wonder if it had something to do with the 
placement of the basalt soheres? Reminder: See if you 
can't contact Phenylalanine for some advice. 


Page 222: 


Day 47 

This is getting more than a little frustrating. | just can't 
seem to achieve the desired effect. | don't know what I'm 
doing wrong, it should be working. Everything's in place 
from what I've been taught. The laser, the skull, the 
helium-3, it's all exactly where it's supposed to be. I'm 
gonna call it a night and review my notes? tomorrow. 


Page 249: 
FUCK IT! 
Note: This entry was written in large letters across the page. 
Footnotes 
1. See Addendum 1385-C for a complete list of affected species. 


2. Attempts at duplicating SCP-1385 using 's notes are ongoing, 
but have thus far yielded no anomalous results. 


« SCP-1384 | SCP-1385 | SCP-1386 » 


SCP-1386: Sentient Ice Cream Van 


Item #: SCP-1386 
Object Class: Euclid 


Special Containment Procedures: SCP-1386 is currently located 
in an evacuated four-block neighborhood surrounded by a 10-meter- 
high reinforced concrete containment wall in , , okilometers 
from the nearest inhabited neighborhood. Due to the incident with 
Doctor F on 4/17/12, it is to be kept under constant surveillance, 
and must only be approached by D-class personnel. 


Any individual that comes within a 3-meter radius of SCP-1386 must 
give the appearance of being happy, such as by smiling or laughing. 
If it is approached by someone who does not appear happy, the 
subject will feign hostility, emitting a low growl from its interior, and 
refuse to interact positively until the individual's demeanor changes. 
It is as of yet unknown if SCP-1386 will act out on its aggression if 
exacerbated. 


When making contact with SCP-1386, it is strongly advised to have 
at least twenty dollars of American currency in hand and in plain 
view of it. If SCP-1386 does not sense currency on the individual 
approaching it, a siren that has been known to cause bleeding of the 
inner ear will blare from its undercarriage for the next 24 hours. All 
attempts to silence the siren have failed, and once it has begun, the 
subject will refuse to move from its current location until the 24-hour 
period has passed. Any attempts of interaction with SCP-1386 
during this period have been known to momentarily increase the 
intensity of the siren. 


Description: SCP-1386 is a white “Good Humor’-brand ice cream 
truck, in poor condition and lacking any images or descriptions of the 
products it sells. The van appears to be sapient, as it drives without 
a person behind the wheel; after the investigation of 3/15/12, it has 
been concluded that none of the doors or windows on the vehicle 


open through conventional means. The van plays instrumental 
melodies of “Pop Goes the Weasel” and “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star” 
24 hours a day, alternating between the two every four hours. On 
occasion, it has been known to play a version of “Greensleeves,” but 
will immediately switch to another song when in the presence of 
customers. 


SCP-1386 has a thin slot in the middle of its driver-side door, which 
only becomes visible when it dispenses the various ice cream 
products it sells. Along with the ice cream, the van slides out a small 
slip of receipt paper with a price written on it in what has been 
described as “very sloppy, but legible” handwriting. The van receives 
payment through the same slot it delivers ice cream from, and will 
drive away as soon as it is paid. The prices and flavors of the ice 
cream products it sells fluctuate daily, but it never runs out of its 
stock of items. Notable tests of the van are as follows. 


3/30/12 - Doctors R andD_ each requested one cookies and 
creme smoothie, and they were dispensed as asked. However, one 
smoothie was marked with a handwritten M and the other a 
handwritten G. The receipt was for $4.89, and was paid without 
incident. 


4/1/12 - DoctorD requested one Neapolitan ice cream sandwich. 
After several seconds, the van slid out what appeared to be a meat 
and cheese sandwich with tomato. The sandwich was made out of 
chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry ice cream, respectively. The 
receipt given read “april fool’s!” and the van drove away before 
Doctor D could inquire about payment. 


4/12/12 - DoctorD asked for a single-scoop vanilla ice cream ina 
waffle cone. The product was dispensed as asked, with a receipt 
that read $0.72, and was paid without incident. 


4/17/12 - Doctor F requested one peach push-pop and received 
it, along with a receipt of $16.27. Doctor F expressed 
disapproval at the price for the ice cream and refused to pay the full 
amount, instead paying a total of $3.75 in quarters. When Doctor 

F attempted to walk away, the van opened the slot in its door to 
an approximate height of six feet and dragged Doctor F inside of 


it by use of a large and rusted steel trap. The van then returned its 
slot to its former size and proceeded to spew out a pink substance 
from its slot for five straight minutes before then driving away with no 
further incident. Upon inspection of the pink substance, it was found 
to consist of blood, skin tissue, and bone fragments whose DNA 
signature matched that of Doctor F 


Due to the incident of 4/17/12, all further attempts to interact with 
SCP-1386 must be through D-class personnel. 


4/27/12 - Personnel D- asked the van for a cherry Popsicle, 
adding: “with nuts.” The van seemed to wait several seconds, then 
dispensed a single cherry Popsicle, unwrapped, with nuts 
embedded in the ice. The receipt given read “$2.20 you’re nuts!” and 
D- was recorded as chuckling as he read the paper. The van was 
paid without incident. 


4/30/12 - Personnel D- requested a "Caesar Salad flavor" 
Popsicle. After a few moments, the van dispensed a Popsicle with 
an off-green coloration which was noted to taste of "lightly dressed 
lettuce with a hint of croutons." The receipt was for $4.56 and was 
paid without incident. 


5/4/12 - Personnel D- asked for a "Dark Chocolate Fudge Pop," 
and received it with a receipt of $1.38, paid for it with two single- 
dollar bills. After receiving payment, the van made a sound akin toa 
cash register from within what is presumably the area in which ice 
cream is stored, and then dispensed a small factory-wrapped 
package. There was no written indication of what was contained 
inside the package, but on the front there was a crudely-drawn 
image of what appeared to be various coins, all of American 
currency. The van drove off once the package was dispensed. At 
the urging of DoctorJ ,D- was then assigned to inspect the 
contents of the package. The package was found to have a total of 
$.62 in American currency. When the coins were considered safe, 
D- asked if he could keep the change; request was denied. 


5/10/12 - Personnel D- asked for an ice cream Kinder Egg which 
was dispensed along with a receipt for $3.87 and was paid without 
incident. The Kinder Egg appeared similar to the kind popular in 
Europe, though made of ice cream instead of chocolate; D- 


reported the exterior to be made of coffee ice cream and the interior 
of french vanilla. However, there was no toy inside as ordinary 
Kinder Eggs have. Instead, there was a small slip of parchment 
paper that read "i.o.u. one toy." 


5/16/12 - Personnel D- requested the following, in order: one 
cherry ice lolly, one cherry ice pop, one cherry popsicle, and one 
"cherry-flavored drink, frozen." The van made what D-_ described 
as "a real unnerving sound, like someone skinning a cat in reverse" 
for several seconds before flinging out of its slot red sticks of 
unwrapped ice, shattering them on the pavement. Moments later, it 
dispensed a large styrofoam cup full of a frozen green liquid. D- 
was noted as asking the van "What do | owe you?" and was given 
no response before the van drove off. Upon inspection of the shards 
of ice from the first three sticks, it was discovered that the frozen 
substance was made up of two parts water, one part arsenic, and 
red food dye. The styrofoam cup was found to contain an unknown 
substance with a melting point so high it is impossible to thaw with 
current technology. The substance and the cup are presently being 
held for further examination. 


5/20/12 - A new procedure has been tested. Personnel D- 7, mute 
but able to write, requested a "vanilla cone in chocolate" through use 
of pencil and paper. The request was raised to the area where the 
dispensing slot usually appears. After a full minute, the van opened 
another slot three inches lower than the normal one. A thin, flesh- 
colored appendage slid out of the slot to retrieve the paper before 
retreating and closing the slot. Moments later, the normal slot 
opened and the ice cream was received. The receipt was for $.97, 
and was paid without incident. When questioned about the 
transaction, D- 7 responded in frantic sign language. It is 
transcribed as follows: 


It was a hand. Not human. Two fingers and a thumb. It 
was bony like a dead body. And it smelled. It smelled 
dead. 


D- 7 refused to eat the ice cream that was received, claiming they 
had "lost [their] appetite.” 


5/30/12 - Following the events of 5/20/12, Personnel D- 5, who is 


not mute, was given the order to repeat the same test, writing their 
request on paper and giving it to the van. The van received the 
paper through its secondary slot by use of another flesh-colored 
appendage, and completed the transaction as requested. The 
receipt was for $.86, and was paid without incident. When 
questioned about the transaction and the appendage in particular, 
D- 5 responded: 


| don't see what B_ was getting all worked up about. It's 
just a hand, you know? There's probably just some guy 
in there, handing out ice cream. Sure, it's weird, but what 
here isn't? 


6/4/12 - Personnel D- 2, also not mute, was given the order to write 
a new request on paper and give it to the van. The request was for a 
banana sundae with hot fudge. As in previous tests, the van 
accepted the paper through a secondary slot by use of its "hand" 
and processed the request. The receipt was for $2.78, and was paid 
without incident. When questioned about the transaction, D- 2 
stated: 


There's got to be somebody in there. | could swear | 
heard somebody cough, like they had a cold or 
something. 


When the topic of the "hand" was further pushed, D- responded: 


Look, it's not that big of a deal. Just a hand. Got all five 
fingers, looked healthy, certainly not dead or whatever. 
B's just lost it. Never trusted that guy much, anyway. 


6/6/12 - No test. Personnel D- 7 [logged at 5/30/12] was found dead 
in their holding block at 07:40. Approximate time of death is 04:30. 
Autopsy shows that D- 7 died of strangulation, and light bruising on 
the neck confirms this. D- 7's death has been marked as suicide as 
they did not share a cell with any other personnel and their cell door 
showed no signs of forced entry. 


« SCP-1385 | SCP-1386 | SCP-1387 » 


SCP-1387: Giant Seagull Airlines 


Item #: SCP-1387 
Object Class: Euclid 


Special Containment Procedures: SCP-1387 is currently 
contained in Area-55. Primary containment consists of a 100m x 
100m x 30m steel reinforced concrete hangar. SCP-1387 is to be 
restrained in this hangar with 30 high tension steel cables at all 
times, and is to be under constant surveillance. At least 10 armed 
guards are to be on standby in case of a breach. Once per month, 
SCP-1387's wings are to be clipped. 


A 15m high electric fence is to be maintained around the perimeter 
of primary containment hangar. Fence is to be charged to 5 kV at 
1A. During maintenance, fence is to be powered down to 3 kV. All 
personnel involved in maintenance are to observe standard live-line 
working procedures.