* Exposure to any part of the Description, however briefly 
¢ Failure to close this article within eighteen seconds of 
exposure without code-word clearance 


Shut off your monitor now, notify the Breach Desk that 
you and your workstation have DAMMERUNG 
contamination. Await MTF processing. 


+ DAMMERUNG EYES ONLY 


Agent Instructions: the breach to which you are 
responding has already been mostly contained by an 
automated system, and containment will be complete 
when you restart this terminal. However, your orders are 
to attempt to improve the current containment 
procedures by any means possible, within the time 
allotted to you. You have been temporarily granted 
Administrative network access from this terminal. Use 
any resources you deem necessary to fulfill your 
mission, but DO NOT expose yourself to the 
cognitohazard in the Description. The following technical 
details will help you in your task: 


As noted above, this article ignores the delete command; 
it cannot be extricated from the database without 
extensive collateral corruption of other critical systems. 
Instead, the containment strategy is to minimize the 
probability of a user discovering this entry by chance. To 
this end, an un-haltable mainframe process (ID 9000013) 
repeatedly switches the ordinal designation of this article 
with that of another randomly selected entry. Normally, 
when two article numbers are exchanged for 
administrative purposes, the two entries disappear from 
the index momentarily. A kernel exploit of Processor 
Erratum 23 allows us to delay completion of the 
subroutine by deeply recursing the article renumbering 
with an intentionally terrible algorithm (currently 
Bubblesort Stoogesort Bogosort) against a known 
corrupt stack in extended memory until the thread aborts 
catastrophically, the index swap completes, and the 
process restarts. This artificially inserts a delay on the 


order of 1017 clock cycles between visibility, when a link 
to this article becomes momentarily visible and 
accessible from the article index before the process 
repeats. 


Breach will only occur in the unlikely event that a user 
with index privileges loads the main list at precisely the 
correct moment and, despite need-to-know best 
practices, follows the link to this entry, ignores the 
warnings, and reads past the first paragraph. The 
intervals between visibility are indeterminate but finite. 
On average, the interval will grow larger (by order O(n2)) 
as the number of available articles grows, but shorter as 
the mainframe's hot-swappable processors increase in 
FLOPS. 


This kludge has a gravely serious side effect: the SCP 
article randomly selected for the swap also disappears 
from the list for the same period of time, until 
reappearing under a new ID. While O5 has authorized 
this detrimental effect as an acceptable consequence of 
containment, you are ordered not to verify it through the 
chain of command, as no other living person is currently 
aware that this article, this process, or this authorization 
exists. If validation is required, an inline O5 authorization 
of this order follows. 


Version: 12.1.0.007 


PfzeFwCACRTLzZPK/K2T7y9jza9AVPav7nnbcvsasyOQmMOONEWa! 
4LdnKWES 8aEi Ir2erHUOEH4NrNKKi jYOQ19cXJr/Gr8wCCwwsOQr! 
VX/Y7QnNYZx+BiTAT7EpH3yAgq/BoL9zvwg0xPDZvLhGONk 6erve 
hJRiAaORVRTzZiZaVC5i8J1LFVtGm5d6 3NU3mKC51KilEYGHA4MBI 
c93gyYohl0ycrhBt1lbzQgWBd5sdPa7PRit+tvJxChjNnyosbzR7T:s 
dKSmCVdilkDOBMmT+=vYhx 


You are subject to summary termination by Trinitite-class memetic if 


you proceed past this point. 


looking directly upwards, or by a recording device above the 
targeted prey. 


So long as this core remains unobserved, SCP-312 will remain 
docile, and seems capable of surviving indefinitely without feeding, 
although feedings do increase its mass and movement speed as 
well as the number [REDACTED]. However, if a prey animal makes 
eye contact with the core, SCP-312 will become active, generating a 
narrow, controlled vortex with the appearance of a long tube of cloud 
connecting the lenticular cloud above with the ground. The prey is 
pulled into SCP-312's tentacle mass by a strong updraft within the 
vortex, paralyzed by a venomous sting by the tentacles, then 
digested. Within about a week, partially digested remains of the prey 
will fall from the sky where SCP-312 disappeared. After a successful 
hunt, SCP-312 will drift aimlessly until another prey creature comes 
nearby. 


Based on incident reports, the Foundation believes there are at least 
three (3) uncontained instances of SCP-312 in the wild. Recovery 
efforts are difficult because SCP-312 often follows a single person 
for months or years before its effect is triggered. 


« SCP-311 | SCP-312 | SCP-313 » 


Editor's note: | had to throw that killsprite together in a 
hurry. The one constructed and installed by my 
predecessor was Clearly defective — instead of the 
donkey kick | expected from a standard inoculation 
interdiction, | barely registered minor eyestrain. Of 
course, under the circumstances | suppose we're limited, 
aren't we? To a contaminated workstation and barely 
adequate tools. Anyway, if you survived that memetic, 
hopefully it’s because you have code-word clearance, 
and not because | didn't get it right either - in that case 
you're probably boned pretty bad, and | apologize for not 
killing you in time. 


But cut me some slack: when we looked them up ninety 
minutes ago, the only procedures for this code-word read 
“Randomly select one mainframe-qualified coder from 
the Experimental Containment Research Group with 
Level 3 clearance. Supply the designee with a 
Behemoth-class amnestic, and dispatch them to the 
affected terminal. They will find instructions there. If they 
fail to complete their task within two hours, or if, upon 
return, they can remember the year or name the current 
U.S. President — terminate.” Guess what? That's a pretty 
small subset of personnel to choose "randomly" from. 
Well, Spock smashes scissors, but Paper disproves 
Spock, so now in return for containment duty, | get to 
blow a sizable chunk of my life out of my skull. At least | 
won't have to remember them "processing" the looky-loo 
who caused this breach. 


Assuming you're ECRG like me, you never heard of 
DAMMERUNG before today either. Here’s what | can tell 
you: from the look of the source code and comments, 
you're probably the fourth or fifth to respond to this thing 
since inception. | made a couple of minor edits to the 
documentation above, but mostly spent my time trying to 
slow the algorithm with the worst patterns | could think 
of. In the end, | was only able to deoptimize the existing 


recursion by a factor of two. Unfortunately, | don’t know 
enough about the underlying hardware or how often 
users follow unfamiliar links from the main list to guess 
how much difference that makes. I'm sure, on first 
implementation, they thought they had five, maybe ten 
years between breaches, but | know for a fact that 
they've introduced at least one quantum processor to the 
grid, which will deprecate this approach faster than you 
can say REDACTED. Hopefully you’ve got a better idea 
for a slower algo than | or the last three did. Maybe 
upgrade to a Quantum Bogosort of the article numbers? 
On this hardware, that might technically be an XK 
algorithm and therefore forbidden. | dunno. I’ve used up 
most of my time already, and | can’t risk another 
recompile in the few minutes remaining before | have to 
commit these changes and wash down this stick of 
dynamite with warm, backwashy Mountain Dew. 


-Andrews out 


Nn NN 


p.s. | guess | got to thinking my brain was hosed either 
way so what the hell and i don’t know why but i just went 
ahead and did it - couldn't help myself really - RESIST 
THE URGE - it’s clearly a Fridge-class cognitohazard 
and already it’s starting to sink in so this horse pill better 
work right quick 


Description: 


> Play 


[BEGIN RECORDING] 


<microphone tapping> 
<chair sliding> 


There you go, Ma’am. This interpreter is new technology, 
but it will allow you to forgo the use of a keyboard for 
article creation. Just speak naturally into the microphone. 
We can go back and revise any errors after you have 
finished. 


| don’t think so, young man. There won't be time. This 
must also be a permanent record, access restricted to 
L-3s and up. Can you prevent anyone from tampering 
with this entry later? 


Um... anyone, Ma’am? 


Anyone and everyone. You understand me. If there is 
ever but one article left in the database, this had better 
be it. 


Well... I’m not senior enough to select the most 
appropriate technique to accomplish that. Maybe if we 
got Gephart involved - 


| want you to make an executive decision. I’m confident 
in your ability. We cannot delay. 


Okay, okay... um, there is a mechanism | could take 
advantage of — it’s actually designed to protect against 
anomalous data corruption, but it would have the effect 
you're looking for. If you’re certain, Ma’am, | could make 
this section of the article write-once, and splice it into the 
database runtime. However, that means no editing 
whatsoever will be possible. If you misspeak, you'll just 
have to clarify and keep going. 


Very well, do so. Fortunately, | am a world-class dictator. 


For the degree of security you have in mind, Ma’am, I'll 
need to borrow your credential token. Thank you. One 
moment, please. 


<keyboard sounds> 
There. That's done it. 


You've been very helpful. That will be all. For your own 
safety, | am ordering you to obtain amnestic treatment as 
soon as possible, enough to forget this entire morning. 
Do you understand? 


I, uh, do. 


Good. You will likely be subjected to enhanced 
interrogation within a day or two. It will go easier for you 
if you have no memory of this. 


Ohhh. Oh boy. 


As a literal token of my gratitude for your loyalty, why 
don’t you hold on to those credentials? | won’t be 
needing them. If you act quickly, | suspect you can think 
of a way to put them to good use before they are 
revoked and you are detained. 


Y-yes, M-ma’am. 


Now go. | foresee that you have a fine career ahead of 
you. We will not speak again. 


Thank you, Ma’am. Goodbye. 
<door opening> 
<door closing> 


<extended sigh> 


My name is Miriam Prayther. | have been O5-7 for 


seventy-seven years. 


| will remain so for perhaps seven minutes more, and 
that is not enough time to devise adequate Special 
Containment Procedures myself. | leave that to you. 


Over the course of my tenure, | have witnessed nineteen 
distinct anomalous methods to restore life. The devices 
and entities responsible take vastly different forms, but 
when you look past the science, the magic, the razzle- 
dazzle: there are fundamentally two broad, but simple 
categories: the first type is replication, whereby a clone, 
simulacrum, or other copy is made of the subject's mind 
and body as it existed at some point during life. The 
second sort is temporal. With this approach the space- 
time paths of the subject's constituent particles are 
reversed, and events literally undone, until the subject is 
restored to a functional state. 


These two categories have a crucial commonality: the 
restored individual has no memory or experience of 
death. To put it another way: despite 2.4 million years of 
hominid speculation, Foundation records contain no 
reliable first-hand testimony regarding what happens to 
us after we die. 


We have other sources of information, naturally. But in 
light of recent events, | believe that the SCPs we have 
interrogated on this topic over the years are guilty of 
either ignorance or deceit. 


For you see, we invented an exception. 


Six months ago, we resurrected Roger Sheldon, formerly 
05-11, with a novel procedure. The theoretical 
groundwork had existed for some time, but for a litany of 
reasons: the complexity of the process, the technical skill 
required, the systemic risks, not to mention the 
enormous Cost - only direst need justified the attempt. 


At seventy-three, Roger was the youngest Overseer 


when he died. He had two habits that were peculiar for 
an O5, only marginally tolerated by the rest of us at the 
time, and now forbidden. The first was an obstinate 
refusal to fortify (as we call it) — to enhance his longevity 
with the supplements available to those of our station. 
The second was a penchant for taking his holidays 
unannounced and in utter solitude. When a stroke ended 
him eighteen years ago, he was perched on a rocky 
promontory above marine iguana nesting grounds on 
Espanola Island. 


It took fourteen years to find his remains. We would not 
have gone on looking for so long, but for two reasons: he 
kept on his person a certain key — of which | shall not say 
more, except that it could not be allowed to stay lost; and 
that he held in his brain a secret word, without which we 
could not replace him. 


The alternating Galapagos rains and bright sun (and 
perhaps hawks) had reduced him to a moldering ruin of 
bone fragments and only the stubbornest sinew. The 
recovery crew used brooms and bags to collect as much 
of him as remained. The artifact was retrieved, to our 
relief, but we were still faced with the daunting task of 
extracting his shibboleth. With so little original material to 
work with, none of the time-tested methods of recovery 
were feasible. 


It distresses me to say so, but it is unlikely that any 
records of our methodology will survive the impending 
purge. Suffice to say that having gathered his diaspora, 
we set out to reconstruct a quantum approximation of 
him - physically, chemically, electrically - with sufficient 
accuracy that his heart would resume its beat, his 
synapses would fire, and his mouth would move, if 
briefly. 


As we required but one iota of information from him, we 
hoped, at best, that he would survive long enough to 
provide it, and then simply expire again. However, as is 
so often the case, we outdid ourselves. All the king's 


horses and all the king's men could indeed put him back 
together again. 


Roger was perfectly reanimated. He emerged from his - 
cocoon - looking a bit younger and healthier than my last 
memories of him. He sobbed uncontrollably for some 
time, unresponsive to any stimulus, yet after about half 
an hour he relaxed, his expression suddenly turned to 
utter serenity, and he spoke two unintelligible, but clearly 
joyous words. He was swiftly interrogated, but he 
responded to our questioning with candor, enthusiasm, 
and an unmistakable relief. We kept him under 
quarantine in a containment unit for thirty days. He 
offered no objection, and cooperated completely. He 
behaved as any of us might under the circumstances, 
and in the end, after some light debate, we unanimously 
restored him to office. We were the ones who'd remade 
him, after all, and wouldn't each of us expect the same? 
He rewarded our hubris by resuming his duties with an 
inspired vigor, consistently displaying deeper insight and 
wisdom than ever before. 


In particular, we welcomed some of the changes to his 
habits. As soon as the rest of us allowed it, he began 
regular fortification treatments for the first time. He 
appointed a sensible entourage of medical staff and 
bodyguards that were never far from his person. 
Previously, empathy for his fellow man had never been 
his strong suit, yet suddenly he displayed renewed 
interest in the safety of our containment protocols, the 
healthcare benefits of Foundation employees, and a 
profound distaste for the sacrifice of D-Class. Under the 
circumstances, none of this struck us as particularly 
alarming behavior. 


But it should have.