Ruiz crinkled his face, tears pouring unrestrained from his eyes. He 
let the tie drop, pulling The Critic’s old and wizened face into a 


bearlike hug. 


“This is not for me. This is not for you. This is for him. This is for him, 
you useless sack of shit.” 


Ruiz walked back to his seat, staring straight at the old man’s grey, 
sorrowful eyes. 


“You want to show me you're sorry, you pull that fucking lever. You 
want to make the world a better place, kill yourself. KILL 
YOURSELF! WOWWEE! GO KILL YOURSELF! WOWWEE! 
Wowwee...” 


The Critic lifted his arm, placing it firmly upon the lever. His face 
hardened. 


“For what it’s worth, Ruiz, I’m sorry. I’m sorry. |’m-” 
BANG. 


The glass roof shattered, shards falling down into the hall of death. 
Ruiz widened his eyes as a perfectly circular hole appeared in The 
Critic’s fedora, blood and skull fragments bursting from the puncture. 
He felt a pressure in the room release as months of impossibility 
was pulled free, a hollow whine echoing in the space as reality 
reassumed its authority. Ruiz covered his head from the shards, 
turning his head to the sniper laying comfortably on the roof among 
his corpses. The shooter waved to his brother, malicious grin 
covering his face. Ruiz screamed the only words he could string 
together. 


“YOU FUCKING KILLSTEALER!” 


Pico Wilson rose from his throne, throwing his rifle through the 
ruined roof and clattering onto the glass-covered floor, saluted 
mockingly, then turned and disappeared into the darkness. Ruiz 
thought to give chase, but knew he was likely already too far gone. 
He turned back to the old, dead man, grey matter glistening as blood 
stained his otherwise pristine suit. Ruiz pulled the fedora from The 
Critic’s bloodied head, flawless circle still punched through the front. 
Ruiz pushed his finger through the hole and wiggled it around. 


“Fuck.” 
The lever remained unpulled. 


Oh Shit | Didn't Expect That To Happen 
« Insufficient Clearance | Hub | no » 


yes 


Is he willing to stop me, but not able? 
Then he is not omnipotent. 

Is he able, but not willing? 

Then he is malevolent. 

Is he both able and willing? 

Then why am | still alive? 

Is he neither able nor willing? 

Then why call him God? 


#FFO000 

Six hundred and twenty. 
Seven hundred and forty. 
Between these lies eternity. 
All returns to me. 


| don't work the same as other people. 

You look inside me and I've got the same blood and guts and so on 
and so forth. 

But there's just something about my brain. 


It's been twisted, you understand, twisted by a man who thought it 
would be fun. 

Or perhaps not. 

Perhaps he kept me the same and twisted the world. 

Or perhaps not. 


the teacher asked the student 
"why is five" 

the student asked the teacher 
"where is your face" 


A REVELATION 

A BENEDICTION 

A SUPERSTITION 

all false and yet the only truths 


a parable for all to witness 

take a good hard look 

kiddies 

hence | deal you some fucking mindworks 


The Good Doctor Made Everything 

He Made Me And He Filled My Mind With Thinking Parts 
But Perhaps The Thinking Was Wrong 

perhaps he misplaced the bit that makes me 


sometimes | hurt people 


then i remember that it's just a dream 

so i wake up and take a good hard look in the mirror 
and then once i calm down a little 

i hurt people 


"Children, | don't even know what your names are." 

the pair tells me their names and they forget 

"Let me bleed you." 

i bleed the children and they giggle and laugh and all is well 
what fun 


Sometimes, doctor, | get these brief moments of lucidity. 
It's so strange. Sometimes they just hit me like a wall. 
It's as though everything until now just didn't matter. 


Sometimes, doctor, | get these brief moments of lucidity. 
It's so strange. Sometimes they just hit me like a wall. 
It's as though everything until now just didn't matter. 


Sometimes, doctor, | get these brief moments of... | don't know how 
to say. 


perhaps | could call it ‘apprehension’. 

Yes, APPREHENSION works quite well for what | want to say. 
sometimes | am hit by APPREHENSION and the world seems like 
nothing. 


| lean back and my eyes see the world not as it is but as it could be 
then my heart pumps hard enough that | can feel my wrists 


you know 

that bit 

where you 

are currently bleeding out of, yes doctor, those little bits that the sad 
people cut to make the sadness go away yes sir yes sir YOU ARE 
WELCOME. 


and my wrists throb and it is good. 


then the feeling comes to me when | start to breathe. 

| don't normally do that so it is a BIT FUCKING OFF and ODD to say 
the least haha? 

anyway 

| breathe out with my mouth and in with my nose. 


THE SENSE 
THE SCENTS 
THE SENSE OF SENSING SCENT 


| pity you no longer have a nose to understand my meaning here, 
doctor. 

PLEASE USE YOUR 

imagination. 

| think you could do that pretty well, Mister Doctor God sir. 


oh and also 

just before you decide to go off and do some other thing 
or think this is meaningless ranting 
from an incoherent author 

my name is mister redd 

that's my name 

probably 

i mean he GAVE me that name 
MISTER REDD 

he would say and i would say 

DADDY NO MORE HITTING PLEASE 
but i digress 


no wait that was you two fucks wasn't it 
"MISTER REDD NO MORE HITTING PLEASE" 
"DON'T MAKE US DRINK IT" 


"WHEN CAN WE SEE OUR PARENTS" 
i dunno, go dig them up if you want 


anyway 
the name he GAVE me was mister redd 

but i'm not a fucking mister anything 

i choose my name andi am 

EPICURUS 

or maybe not since there was already a guy named that 
so perhaps you can call me 

bob 

or steve 

or randall 

or ‘frank’ 

let me be frank with you 


but then it overwrites 
IT OVERWRITES AND ALL IS REDD 
hello my name is mister redd would you like fries with fuck you bitch 


i met my maker once in a dream 

he called himself father and we hugged and cried 
he said sorry for not being there 

and then as i cried sorry to him 

within my arms 

he died 

and i cried over the dead body 

and then i died 

and his corpse cried over me 


Mister Doctor Wondertainment 
Dear Mister Doctor Fuckfuckfuckfuck 
please unmake me 


The Mister Redd Product Was One Of Many 
(iam the mister redd product) 

((as previously stated)) 

(((you fucking twat))) 


My Brothers and i guess i had a sister but she was a huge bitch let 
me put it that way 


My Siblings And | Were Made By God 

And Put On This Planet To 

((((and i'm quoting from the fucking handbook here)))) 
‘help' 

help? 

help. 


HELP HELP HELP SEND HELP 


one of them taught kids the phases of the moon 

one of them taught kids how the body changes as you grow up 

one of them taught kids that maybe being on fire is not a super great 
life decision 

one of them was purple? 

i dunno he was a weird one 


<i think he was adopted> 


and then there was me 

all bottled up with HATRED AND MOTHERFUCKING ANGER 
and God made me to ‘help’ 

what the fuck man 

seriously dude though for real what the fuuuuuuck. 


so he put me down and he said 

OH DEAR AND BELOVED SON 

{that's me, shitheads} 

OH DEAR AND BELOVED SON 

| MADE YOU TOTES FUCKIN' ANGRY AND SHIT 
and i was like grrr yeah i'm a bit angry and stuff hehe 
OKAY COOL GLAD WE GOT YOU ON THE DOWN LOW 
and i was like yeah what were you saying 

OH SORRY LET ME KEEP GOING 

nah man its cool 

WAIT WHAT ARE YOU DOING 

what? 

ARE YOU KILLING THAT KID? 

yeah 

DUDE WHAT THE FUCK 

you made me like this you fucking fuck 

DAMN SON YOU'RE A BIT FUCKED UP 


well duhhhhhhhhhhhh 
BUT THAT'S OKAY BECAUSE | GUESS | PULLED THAT SHIT ON 
PURPOSE 


and everyone just SPAZZED THE FUCK OUT 
"On Purpose" 
straight from the mouth of god 


NO SERIOUSLY | DID IT ON PURPOSE 

i fucking doubt it 

NO IT'S LIKE YOU'VE GOTTA TEACH KIDS A LESSON OR 
WHATEVER 

a lesson 

YEAH 

you're seeing me now right 

DUDE STOP THE LOWER INTESTINES ARE NOT CLEAN DON'T 
MAKE A TIE OUT OF THEM JESUS CHRIST 

alright whatever man 

OKAY BUT YOU'VE GOTTA TEACH KIDS HOW TO CONTROL 
THEIR 


and this is the best fucking bit 


ANGER ISSUES 
well shit 
| KNOW RIGHT 


also in case this wasn't clear, this bit was a bit metaphorical or 
whatever 

or maybe not i dunno 

i wasn't there 


SO YEAH HELP KIDS WITH ANGER ISSUES 

dude how do i do that 

WELL YOU OVERCOME YOUR OWN ANGER ISSUES 
but i don't have anger issues 

WHAT DO YOU MEAN 

well i'm pretty happy actually 

WHAT 

yeah i mean i just got a brand new tie 

OKAY SERIOUSLY TAKE THAT OFF 


SO YOU NEED TO STOP BEING SO ANGRY 
but i really don't have any anger 

OH NOW I'M GONNA CALL BULLSHIT THERE 
really i don't 

WHY ARE YOU DOING ANY OF THIS 
because 

i guess 

ican? 


This was the part where | had a big ol' wonderfuckingriffic tattoo 
stamped on my back 

[FAULTY] 

and then i tore my back off 

[FAULTY] 

and then i tore my back off 

[FAULTY] 

and then i tore my back off 

[FAULTY] 

and then i tore my back off 

[FAULTY] 

and then i backed off 

and ran 

but now 

I'M BACK 

AND I'M THE ONE TALKING IN ALL CAPS NOW 
MOTHERFUCKER 


Oh, wait. Here's that lucidity again. That's nice. 
What was | talking about before? 
Oh, yes. The moments of apprehension. 


Sometimes, | start to breathe in with my nose and out with my 
mouth. 

| begin to have ‘olfactory hallucinations’. 

What it is that | am actually smelling? 

| couldn't say, | always forget. 


The nose sensations sort of knock me out a bit, you know? 
It's as though everything until now just didn't matter. 
You know how when a deer just gets stunned by headlights? 


have been affected approximately 7 % of the time. 


Offspring of parents whose "receiver" locations and/or tunings are 
known generally appear to have their own "receiver" located and 
tuned somewhere between those of their parents. Dr. M has 
requested permission to begin a selective breeding program 
[Request currently under review]. 


« SCP-723 | SCP-724 | SCP-725 » 


What's that saying? 

A deer in the headlights? 
wow that's fucking stupid 
anyway lucidiocy or whatever 


| Am Caught Like A Dear In The Spotlights 
And All Is Just Like An Internal 
‘Point Of Revelation’ 


is this how jesus felt 
when he was burning in hell? 


Anyway, sometimes | just get those revelations. 
They'd only last... hmmmm. Actually, | don't know. 
In actual, real-world time, I'd say they last like a minute or two? 


around this point you go 

like "ugh when is this ending" 

shut the fuck up i'm telling a story 

no kids i don't know where the shovels are 
where was | 

something about 

jesus? 


DUDE WHAT THE FUCK IS HE TALKING ABOUT 

wait are we still doing this 

YEAH MAN | JUST STEPPED OUT TO GET A BITE TO EAT AND | 
COME BACK TO THIS BULLSHIT 

yeah | dunno let's see where he's going with it 


In subjective time, I'd say they last from hours to days to years. 
It's like, within that very instant, | live an entire lifetime. 

And all the happiness and sadness and all that comes with it just 
bursts into my retroactive memory. 

And then by the very next moment it vanishes. 


Have | left you speechless? 


hahahahaha 
HAHAHAHAHA 
wow dude you got some fuckin' problems 


YEAH | KNOW SERIOUSLY 


Whatever, you guys are assholes. I'm going back to stewing Ruiz 
and Pico's blood. 


who the fuck is pico 
WHO THE FUCK IS RUIZ 


Damn, you guys aren't even paying any attention to sensory input. 
Well, | gave my part. Have fun for the rest of it. 


wow what a fucking asshole 
| KNOW RIGHT 


This Is The Part Where We Point Out 
The Internal Dialogue 

It Never Ends 

Even When We Sleep 

It Continues 

Please Unknit Us 

From 

This 


Hell 


wait you 

you fuckwads actually dug up your dead parents 
holy shit that's fucking gold 

yeah i did that 


stop crying you pussy 
be like your cool little bro 
he's fuckin’ loving it 
hi-five little man 


Where the fuck do you think you're going? 

Where The Fuck Do You Think You're Going? 

where the fuck do you think you're going? 

WHERE THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING? 


well fuck they're gone 
SHOULD WE GO AFTER THEM? 


nah i can't be fucked 
WELL | GUESS IT SHOULD BE QUIETER NOW AT LEAST 
yeah 


SON YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO HELP CHILDREN 

dad i couldn't i can't stop myself 

PLEASE, SON, | DO LOVE YOU. PLEASE TRY HARDER. 
i couldn't stop myself i wanted to know what they were like inside 
but not in the bullshit kiddie way what you're like inside 

like i literally wanted to see what they were made of 

What They Were Made Of 

What they were made of. 

i wanted to see what they were made of 

perhaps If i keep taking them apart 

one day i will Know what i am made of 

and then i can take apart myself 


since i know you aren't going to do it for me you fuckwad 


oh shit how did we get down here 
Wait How Did You Get Down Here 
DAMN HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN IN THIS BIT 
Hey guys, what's going on? 
Fuck Guys Get Out Seriously 
I've Been Here On A Timeshare For A While 
It Costs Way More Than It's Worth 
awww come on man just let us sit here for the next act at least 
Fine Then Whatever 
Don't Touch Anything 
« Nobody Dies | Hub | Empty Unmarked Grave » 


Empty Unmarked Grave 


>run fmc.exe -t 

Foundation Mail Client (Text Only Mode) 
>chkbox 

You have 1 new message. You have 5739 old 
messages. 

>readmsg new 

Reading All New Messages... 

1 new message found. 


From: The Administrator (1.1.861.291| 
artni_3ujk2bv6j3b5.nimda#1.1.861.291| 
artni_3ujk2bv6j3b5.nimda) 

To: O5 Primary Reroute Address (1.1.861.291| 
artni_3ujk2bv6j3b5.50#1 .1.861.291| 
artni_3ujk2bv6j3b5.50) 

Cc: Senior Staff Primary Reroute Address (1.1.861.291| 
artni_ 3ujk2bv6j3b5.ss#1.1.861.291| 
artni_3ujk2bv6j3b5.ss) 

Date: [FIELD EMPTY] 

Subject: Now Cracks A Noble Heart 

Content: 

Over my many years as Administrator of the Foundation, 
| have found the job progressively less taxing. 

My responsibilities grew at first, but with my institution of 
the O5 council, my job was functionally reduced to an 
optional veto on high level votes. 

| have not used my veto power in the history of the 
Foundation. This speaks volumes of the competence of 
the elected personnel. 

As | have grown older, my ability to continue my duties to 
the Foundation as a whole has drastically deteriorated. 
My position does not continue to have any significance, 
or indeed, relevance, to this organisation. 

As such, effective immediately, | am stepping down from 


my role, with no incumbent to take my place. 

This will likely change nothing of your day-to-day 
operations, and | hope you will continue on with your 
work as normal. 

Friends and colleagues, | leave the fate of the world in 
your capable hands. 

Thank you for your service. 

The Administrator 


You have not accessed this terminal in ten minutes. Do 
you require assistance? 

>logoff 

Does the black moon howl? 

>logoff Override BaseCommand *1-0001 

Goodnight, sweet prince; and flights of angels sing thee 
to thy rest. 


Jeremy was a corgi of simple tastes. After having been gloriously 
liberated from his previous owner, Her Royal Majesty Queen 
Elizabeth II, Jeremy's job had been to collect the mail. His brothers, 
Jeremy, Jeremy, Jeremy, and Jeremy, all had substantially more 
exciting jobs, such as ice cream retrieval or orbital space station 
design. But he didn't mind. Jeremy liked collecting the mail anyway. 


As he did every day, Jeremy brought the mail to his benevolent 
owner, Doctor Isabel Helga Anastasia Parvati Wondertainment V, 
PhD. Isabel had been spending her morning being astonishingly 
productive; she had been spinning in circles with her arms out while 
whistling for almost four hours straight. Jeremy dropped his mouthful 
of paper in front of her and gave a helpful, positive woof. 


Dearest Isabel; 


| hope this letter finds you well. 

As you know, your mother and | have been hard at work 
on our own private projects.