Still, | hope they don't turn out to be similar to a certain late doctor. | 
know it's rather rude to speak ill of the dead, but the man was 
completely stupid. | mean, | take risks at times, but | temper them 
with judgment of the situation. But doing what he did? That was 
practically suicide, even if Clef hadn't been involved. Bah, enough 
talk of a dead fool. 


The experimentation on the excavation site has finally been fully 
authorized to commence, as it had been postponed due to the 
absence of the lead project director, (i.e. me). It will begin tomorrow 
at 0800 hours. Staff will be at full alert, and several of the test 
Olympians will be mobilized and ready for action should anything 
happen. This should be... interesting, to say the least. 


269 


“Explain to me why we're hiding in somebody’s old, abandoned 
crap-shack, son.” 


Neil R. Ghost (age twenty-eight) had never imagined that he would 
find himself in the situation that he was in presently. Sitting on a 
patch of rotted floorboards, with his back to the equally rotted door, 
he was regretting some of the decisions he had made with his life. 
However, there was no time for introspection, as his companion, a 
field researcher by the name of Kevin Starnes (age nineteen), 
replied, “That would be because of Two-Sixty-Nine, sir.” 


“Yes, and what exactly is Two-Sixty-Nine?” 


Quickly checking a paper from the sheaf of files that he was holding, 
Starnes read, “The files aren’t very clear, as no one’s been able to 
catch the thing so far, but this one says, ‘What has been determined 
is that the large creature was roughly humanoid with distinct moose- 
like features. The creature was described in a wide range of 
attributes, as with many cryptids, although all reports indicate the 
creature is bipedal with two arms, moose-like antlers, and a towering 
stature.” 


“So, basically, what we’re looking at here is a moose man?” 


” 


“Yes. 


“And we haven't tried just shooting it, or drugging it, or anything like 
that?” 


“Well, we opened fire with the tranquiliser darts when we found it, 
but then it just started chasing us. We ran back the way we came, 
right past your research team, and then scattered.” 


“And that’s how we ended up here. Fantastic. I’m going to go urinate 
in the corner now, before | have a chance to actually get the piss 


scared out of me, eh.” 


Trundling over to what he assumed to be the corner of the dank 
former dwelling, Neil went about his business with gusto, humming a 
jaunty tune as he relieved himself. Turning his head just enough to 
keep an eye on both Starnes and the door, Neil inquired, “So, as 
long as we’re here, do you think you could tell me why there were 
multiple research teams sent to investigate this thing? | mean, 
maybe an armed Mobile Task Force would be able to handle a man- 
eating monstrosity better than a bunch of nerds in lab coats and 
hiking gear.” 


"Well, technically speaking, with the dentition of a moose, it’s highly 
unlikely that Two-Sixty-Nine would be able to properly consume any 
kind of meat, much less human flesh.” Unfortunately, this was all 
that Kevin Starnes had a chance to Say in reply: a particularly large 
hoof impacted the opposite side of the door, splintering the damp 
wood, and driving itself through four tenths of his spinal column, five 
ribs, and several of the more important organs in his thoracic cavity. 


Bursting through a previously unnoticed back door into the twilit 
woods, wang in hand, Neil ran as fast as he could manage from a 
grisly array of odours, and what he was sure would be an 
embarrassingly moose-related death. Hastily repackaging his groin- 
bound goods, he tried not to focus on the approach of the oddly- 
proportioned creature, its swift hooves making dull thuds in 
response to the moist squishing of his feeble-by-comparison footfalls 
on the mossy, rain-damp ground. Cursing with what little breath he 
could muster, it came as somewhat of a surprise to the other people 
in the pit when he fell in with an astonished “Assnugget cuntface.” 


Neil R. Ghost had found the rest of his original research team. Well, 
they had found him, but no one was about to play semantics. He 
had, in fact, been pulled into a hollow formed by the roots of a long- 
dead cedar, by one Doctor Owen Hamilton (age thirty-nine), and 
silenced with a hand over the mouth from researcher Andrea 
Barclay (age thirty-two), two of his initial five-man group of scientists 
and researchers. The three waited for Two-Sixty-Nine to pass 
overhead before even breathing. 


Once they could no longer see its shadow, Barclay pulled her hand 


SCP-764: The Obscene Show 


Item #: SCP-764 
Object Class: Safe 


Special Containment Procedures: SCP-764 is to be kept in 
Hazard Vault MT-_ , with unlocking mechanisms only operable by 
two Class 1 Researchers or higher working in tandem. No personnel 
are to enter without proper safety precautions, and no personnel are 
to be in Hazard Vault MT- unless under the direct orders of Level 4 
personnel or as part of an approved destruction attempt. Personnel 
entering Hazard Vault MT- are to wear the locking gauntlets in 
Containment Supply 313, size 14, and the key is not to be brought 
into the vault. The gauntlets physically prevent attempts to don 
SCP-764 due to their size, and therefore permit SCP-764 to be 
handled with a modicum of safety. 


Description: SCP-764 is a pair of Punch and Judy puppets that 
display no exceptional characteristics upon visual inspection. When 
observed by individuals with no barrier between them and 
SCP-764-1 or SCP-764-2, a compulsion comes over a single person 
to ‘put on a show ' utilizing the puppets, even if none present have 
any skill, talent, or training regarding puppeteering. All others feel an 
overwhelming urge to watch the show, regarding all events taking 
place as the height of entertainment until the show is over. As the 
subject dons SCP-764-1 and SCP-764-2 (in no circumstances have 
SCP-764-1 and SCP-764-2 been seen placed on separate 
performers), any individuals without physical barriers between 
themselves and SCP-764 will find themselves compelled to sit and 
watch the show. The show begins as a normal Punch and Judy 
show, with light slapstick comedy and violence occurring between 
the puppets. 


After a period of three to five minutes, an individual will be chosen 
from the audience and brought forward, participating in a part of the 
show (typically playing as a police officer or constable, but in 


away. “Where is researcher Shekhar?” she demanded in a hoarse 
whisper. 


“Beats the piss out of me,” Ghost replied softly. “Is Doctor Tjaard 
dead?” Catching a shallow nod from Hamilton, he continued, “Right. 
Either of you have a gun?” 


“Just this thing,” Hamilton said, motioning to a not-very-new rifle at 
the edge of their hiding place. “Though judging from the past few 
hours’ experience, I’d say it’s not going to do much good.” Before 
he’d even finished the sentence though, Ghost had grabbed the gun 
and leapt out of the pit. 


“Hey you,” Ghost yelled. “You smelly, belligerent pile of crap, come 
on over and kick my face in. Hard target to miss.” He didn’t have to 
shout; Two-Sixty-Nine had only passed the hiding place by twenty- 
five metres, and it had excellent hearing. It lowered its head to 
charge as Ghost raised the rifle, and after only four of the familiar 
thudding hoofbeats, there was a resounding crack, and the long- 
hunted moose man fell, a slow trickle of red running down its 
muzzle. 


“Congratulations, you’re a hero now,” Ghost quipped, passing the 
warm weapon to Hamilton. “ And if you tell any of the investigating 
Foundation personnel anything else, I'll have you dropped like 
Rancid McGee out there.” 


“Is it dead?” 


“Nope. Your average moose has a pretty thick skull, but | don’t think 
| could’ve cracked that one even if I'd wanted to, eh.” 


“Alright then. Doctor Barclay, call the base monitoring station, if you 
would.” 


Two hours later, Hamilton was driving a rented subcompact, Ghost 
in the passenger seat, down one of those long stretches of boring 
woodland highway that traced the mainland. The trip had 
progressed in utter silence until a muted crackling from the dash 
mounted two-way radio snapped them both from their torpor. From 
what they could gather, the U-Haul truck that the Foundation had 


rented as an impromptu transport for the unconscious Two-Sixty- 
Nine had crashed. None of the crew that had gone with it, including 
Doctor Barclay, had been heard from, and it was to be assumed that 
the creature had escaped into the surrounding woodland. 


“You know, Hamilton, | hope they had the sense to actually secure 
the thing. With rope or chain, preferably.” 


“| have the niggling feeling that they didn’t, Neil.” 


“Me too, eh. You know, | saw it kill Starnes. | don’t think it even 
planned on eating him or anything. It just wanted him dead.” 
“Do you want to turn back and finish it off?” 


“Fuck no. Get me an elephant gun and a bottle of whiskey and we'll 
talk.” 


“Why did you shoot it? You knew about the skull, but why take the 
risk?” 


“I’m sure you want me to tell you that | was overcome by a sudden 
swell of bravery, or that having so many of my teammates brought 
down made me angry enough to unleash my inner Rambo, but 
honestly? | was just fed up with its shit, and the smell. Let a properly 
equipped team deal with it.” 


“Back to base, then. Do you think the Foundation’s going to consider 
this a huge loss?” 


“As long as we don't have anything to contain, the Special 
Containment Procedures Foundation isn’t going to give a shit, eh.” 


“| guess the first drink’s on Barclay.” 


“And the last one’s on Starnes.” 


Tales 3 


Third Vesta Donation 


Graciously donated by the Vesta Conglo 
Of Human Societi 


Of Interest: User-friendly, structural development, facilities, non- 
hazardous microorganism, POTENTIAL ENVIRONMENTAL 
HAZARD, abnormal entropy, ongoing research, ongoing 
programme, donation 


Asset Summary: A relation of MWB Newsletter entries, 
written by Dr. J. Torres, Executive member of the Mission Branch, 
as Internal Reports, follows: 


Entry Ref: 006/12/01-8-Infrastructures and L 


After carefully studying the 3'VD, | can confirm two things: first 
build with it; second, any stable ground the Vesta Seeds are pla 
growth, no matter what they have to grow into. 

| must admit, it is an impressive sight — seeing a mass of irregt 
into a wall, or a temple, or a home... in a matter of hours. The K 
incredible sight. The growing structures may look ghastly at first 
their capacities make up for any inconveniences! The thought of 
shiver. 

Past week | gave you an impression on the characteristics of th 
Laviano Grid; while | can't confirm it at the time, Ruperts-2 suspe 
Mold, an organelle it lacks. | also believe it has other functions w 
process that allow us to connect the VESTA application to it and 
based on the Grid. 

Today, however, | want to talk about the two problems we face ' 
evident: we must be discreet and this donation makes that hard | 
down because growing cities draw too much attention and, expe 


cooperation from local authorities. 

To avoid that security problem, | recommend we use the 3'¢VD 
seeds with smaller, individual structures instead of large, sprawli 
buildings may be erected in days (or weeks, at most) this way. 
The second problem is the safety concerns inherent to the 3'dV 
VESTA v.3.0.1 software, but not controllable at a cellular scale; ¢ 
Conglomerate produces wonderful Abnormal Assets, we must re 
Donation and its effects when it passed over to something so inc 
While we have confirmed the 3'VD is incapable of affecting pla 
animals. However, our colleagues at Ruperts-2 warn us that its i 
possible while the desired building grows. Special care is to be ¢ 
mammals, from reaching the growing 1-Vesta items. We are tolc 
Today we managed to grow a small, cubic room with a metal dc 
the result of an overriding of the original designs of the v.3.0.1 s¢ 
and no way to cycle its air. 

We will be working on that. Tune in for next entry in three days o 


-COMMENTS: 3- 


Enjoy this while you can, | have no doubt t 
shit working, the more likely you are to get 
gentlemen dressed all in black. 


no doubt there's plenty of little men in big : 
this and will do anything they can to make 
thetruthisoutthereUSA 


(no responses) 


ever since getting this for my new house, i 
where a real FUNGI hangs out. Get it? - O 


(3 responses) 
that was terrible. - atroperguy 


| concur with troper guy. | think you j 
MISSIONWATCHADMIN 


u guyz have no sense of humor. - O| 


Hey MORONS get ready to get a visit fron 
two - “\boweforthewin/4 
(1 response) 


Hey, SCP idiot SCP calling SCP us. 
there's SCP no SCP such SCP thinc 
Foundation. Those knocking your d 
normal cops busting you for being st 


Comment thread closed by MISSIOI 
mate. Sure. By the way, how do you 
candy or just jabbed? - Also, Opal, c 
calling a thousand skipperbots with | 
It's hard enough to set parallel aethe 
economy to have to change them ev 
being funny.)) 


Entry Ref: 006/12/10-2-Infrastructures and LC 


Apologies for the late update. We had several run-ins with an In 
While we had to resort to calling local law enforcement, which at 
managed to evade further trouble by activating the self-terminati 
Fortunately enough, there have been advances. We have fixed 
cycling problem out, of all people; a few lines of poorly written cc 
Conglomerate is not known for making user-friendly assets, but | 
to handle. In any case, we have managed to grow ‘cubes’, our b: 
operation. 

Also, we can confirm Ruperts-2 assessment: the Mason Mold g: 
available matter. 

| will try to tune in during the next ten or eleven days. Thanks fo 


-COMMENTS: 2: 
"Therefore this is what the LORD says: 'l v 


mercy, and there my house will be rebuilt.’ 
God loves you! - Father Robertson 


(1 response) 
<random bible quote> - OPALINE87 


Hey, Jacob! 

Been following your work for a while. Your 
8VD is amazing, if a a bit dense. | have at 
configured items and the way to modify the 
you receive a message from someone wh 
recruited, it'll probably be me. 

Have a nice one! - gret4line 


(1 response) 


(hidden by author) 


Entry Ref: 007/01/02-1-Infrastructures and LC 


Happy New Year! And, again, please excuse my delay. 

We have figured out almost every piece of the code. A friend of 
up a coding-rendering application that will go alongside the VES 
create new structures adapted to any needs of any programme, 
Only a few mind-affecting parts of the code are still beyond us, 1 
likely not run by humans, but | feel betrayed for the lack of warni 
a row and Skipper still jumps when he sees the word 'print.' 

But it will be worth it. 

We have been assigned to a programme in Sudan. There seem 
"the Sour" by the locals, and it's swamping local resources; Cont 
done with the current Programme to deal with it. It won't take lon 


-COMMENTS: 4- 


random bible quote lol 
also first - DRFREEMAN 


(1 response) 


"And the hilt also went in after the bl. 


over the blade, for he did not pull the 
and the dung came out." Judges, 3-: 
In other words: get a life, noob. >:P - 


Torres, please contact me as soon as you 
THAT part of the code and | don't know wt 


(1 response) 

(hidden by MISSIONWATCHADMIN 
| don't trust you. - anonymous 
(no responses) 


After living thre years in the ruins of mi old 
a hom. 

Now mi family and | can live in peace with 
with water, a clean, safe place with four be 
| can ever thank you enoug for what you d 
Bles you. : ) - (hidden by MISSIONWATCI 


Dear sir or madam, please do not ac 
unmasked or not-intelligence-enhan 
will be easily traced back to you. Thi 
being monitored, and any communic 
I've expanded the FAQ entries in yo 
Watch Hub to give you some pointer