Mobile Task Force Rho-66 “Road Hogs’ will maintain continual 
ground and aerial patrols of the American Southwest. When alerted 
by Foundation listening network PANOPTICON, MTF Rho-66 assets 
will engage SCP-3884. If SCP-3884 is stationed in a heavily- 
populated area, Foundation assets will establish an observation 
cordon around SCP-3884 and immediately confiscate any items 
distributed to the populace by SCP-3884-01 while deflecting local 
law enforcement involvement. MTF Rho-66 will then track SCP-3884 
until it has cleared the population center, then engage. Resultant 
explosion will be publicly designated a vehicular accident. 


All civilians and local law enforcement personnel exposed to 
SCP-3884 will be amnesticized. 


Under no circumstances are Foundation personnel to attempt to 
acquire or redeem Civil Defense Points. 


Description: SCP-3884 is a black Industrieverband Fahrzeugbau 
(IFA) W 50 cab-over truck that displays a number of anomalous 
properties. 


SCP-3884's performance capabilities exceed that of a standard 
cargo truck. It has shown the ability to attain speeds of over 270 
kilometers per hour, and exhibits effects characteristic of a Class 2 
reality distortion field, including spatiotemporal translocation and the 


spontaneous manifestation of matter, described in further detail 
below. 


SCP-3884 will typically manifest within the outskirts of a population 
center, then drive to a local gathering point such as a strip mall, 
market, fairground, parking lot, or downtown area, whereupon 
SCP-3884-01 will exit the vehicle, lower its rear hatch, and attempt 
to distribute its wares. If approached by an element that intends to 
detain or obstruct SCP-3884-01's activities, SCP-3884 will explode, 
and SCP-3884-01 will vanish. SCP-3884 will then remanifest 
elsewhere in the southwestern United States after a variable amount 
of time. 


SCP-3884-01 visually resembles an emaciated, significantly 
decomposed humanoid figure, typically wearing a stahlhelm, leather 
trenchcoat, and combat boots. SCP-3884-01 will loudly advertise its 
products and attempt to give them to any passersby within arm's 
reach, or simply throw them on the ground in a pile near SCP-3884 
in the frequent event that no civilians accept them. These items 
have thus far included fully-automatic machine guns, high-powered 
anti-materiel rifles, rocket launchers, flamethrowers, anti-personnel 
and anti-vehicle mines, and, in one instance, a Nerf brand toy rifle, 
spray-painted black and given to a small child. 


Each individual instance of weaponry will have a flyer crudely affixed 
to it with duct tape. Text follows. 


IT’S TIME TO LOCK 
AND LOAD, CITIZENS! 


DO YOU WANT TO BE SAFE? 
DO YOU WANT TO SHOW 


THOSE BASTARDS HOW 
TOUGH YOU ARE? ARE YOU 
AS FUCKING TERRIFIED AS | 
AM? NOW YOU CAN DEFEND 

YOURSELF AND YOUR 
LOVED ONES WITH THESE 
EXCELLENT SHOOTERS AND 
BLOWEMUPS! | MADE THEM 
MYSELF AND THEY'RE REAL 
GOOD!!! 


THIS IS NOT A DRILL! CIVILIZATION IS 
UNDER ATTACK RIGHT NOW BY SOME 
NASTY CHARACTERS THAT ARE 
DEFINITELY NOT FROM AROUND HERE! | 
CAN MAKE THESE THINGS OUT OF THIN AIR 
LIKE SOME KIND OF GODDAMN SHOTGUN 
WIZARD FOR REASONS THAT ARE BEYOND 
MY UNDERSTANDING AND I'M PASSING THE 
SAVINGS ON TO YOU!!! 


COLLECT ENOUGH CIVIL DEFENSE POINTS 
AND EARN SOME SUPER SPECIAL PRIZES 
TO FIGHT THAT EVIL EVEN HARDER! WHAT 
ARE CIVIL DEFENSE POINTS YOU ASK??? 
HERE'S A HANDY LIST TO GET YOU 
STARTED! HA! HA! HA! 


Grab a weapon from your pal, Gunmetal Gary! 


- 1 point each! 
“TO BE FOREARMED IS TO HAVE AT LEAST FOUR 
KINDS OF ARMS» 


Stop a crime! - 5 points! 
“TAKE THAT, BAD GUYS! NOT IN OUR BACKYARD! 
EVILDOERS DON'T DESERVE KNEECAPS> 


Muster a militia! - 20 points! 

«LEAD YOUR SQUAD TO VICTORY AGAINST EVIL! IF 
YOU'RE GOING TO GET EATEN YOU MIGHT AS WELL 
GO DOWN TOGETHER 


Neutralize an adversary! - 30 points! 
“YEAH, FUCK THAT GUY! 


Slay a beast of the MOTHER - 50 points! 
“SHE'S NOT WELCOME HERE! THE ONLY WAY TO 
DEFEND YOUR CHILDREN IS BY KILLING HERS} 


REDEEM YOUR POINTS FOR AMAZING 
PRIZES, AND TAKE THE FIGHT TO EVIL'S 
DOORSTEP! DONT WORRY, FOR SOME 
REASON | ALREADY KNOW WHERE YOU 
ARE, AND YOUR PRIZE IS ALREADY ON THE 
WAY! 


5 points — Limited edition GUNMETAL GARY 
body armor! 

“MAKE YOUR HIDE AS TOUGH AS STEEL! HECK YEAH! 
KEEP YOUR GUTS WHERE THE BIG BOSS PUT EM 


50 points — One of Gunmetal Gary's patented 
CREMATOR™ flamethrowers! Three barrels of 
white-hot justice, fuel canisters included! 

“OUR ENEMY DOESN'T FEAR FIRE, BUT IT SURE 
MAKES ME FEEL BETTER ANYWAY! LIGHT THOSE 
THINGS UP LIKE A GODDAMN CHRISTMAS TREE! 
FEEL THE HEAT! WOAH BABY? 


200 points — 12-pack of Gunmetal Gary's 
signature PERDITION™ signal grenades! Just 


pull the pin and throw, and your airstrike is 
inbound, soldier! Never fear, Gary's got your 
back! 

«LET THEM LOOK UPON THE SKY WITH TERROR! 
THEY'VE GOT THE OCEANS, BUT THEY SURE AS 
FUCK CAN'T FLY! YET! JEEPERS WOW 


500 points — One IRON DEVASTATOR™ 
assault vehicle, designed by yours truly! With 
hardware like this, EVIL doesn't stand a chance! 
“HOLY CRAP LOOK AT THIS HOT MAMA! YOU ARE 
HUMANITY'S STEEL-CLAD SALVATION! YOU ARE 
HEAVY METAL THUNDER! THEY SAID A TANK THE 
SIZE OF A HOUSE WAS TOO MUCH! I SAID GO FUCK 
YOURSELF! 


100,000 points — You are beyond war. Your time 
has come. 


As SCP-3884's activities invariably attract local law enforcement 
attention, its attempts to supply weaponry to the populace are brief 
and swiftly interrupted. To date, civilians have reacted negatively to 
all SCP-3884 appearances and none have willingly accepted any 
items given by SCP-3884-01. As a result, none have participated in 
its rewards program, thus information regarding the aforementioned 
“prizes” is limited. 


Efforts to successfully detain SCP-3884 or SCP-3884-01 are 
currently underway. 


SCP-3885: The High-Octane Full-Throttle Adventures 
of the Exploding Zombie Gearheads 


Item #: SCP-3885 
Object Class: Euclid 


Special Containment Procedures: As Vulture Gulch is officially 
designated a ghost town by Maricopa County, little administrative 
containment is required. A perimeter of reinforced concrete 
barricades surrounding SCP-3885 will be maintained and monitored 
by a permanent armed security contingent under the guise of 
ongoing hazardous material cleanup. 


To incentivize continued good behavior, SCP-3885-01 are to be 
provided three inoperable or decommissioned automobiles per 
month. 


Description: SCP-3885 is the small mining town of Vulture Gulch, 
located in Maricopa County, Arizona, United States of America, 
which was officially declared abandoned on July 9th, 1973, primarily 
due to concerns over the amount of radon gas being produced by 
the uranium deposits present in nearby Vulture Gulch Mine. 


SCP-3885 occupies an area of less than 6 km?, and was home to 
359 inhabitants at its most populous. Currently the majority of the 
town remains intact albeit in dilapidated condition, despite the 
activities of SCP-3885-01. 


SCP-3885-01 is the collective designation for the current residents 
of SCP-3885. 


SCP-3885-01 are humanoid entities confirmed to be genetically 
human, but with a number of anomalous properties. SCP-3885-01 
outwardly resemble humans in a state of significant decomposition 
and desiccation. Many exhibit signs of bodily trauma, such as 
missing body parts or significant laceration; however, some others 


display apparent mutations such as highly increased muscle mass 
or additional limbs. All SCP-3885-01 entities demonstrate greatly 
enhanced physical strength and durability regardless of body type. 
How SCP-3885-01 exhibit these properties despite their apparent 
state of physical decay and lack of conventional biological vitality is 
unknown. 


These entities inhabit the ruins of SCP-3885 and appear to adhere 
to a loosely-structured communal society which centers around the 
construction, repair, maintenance, and utilization of heavily modified 
automobiles. Prior to containment, SCP-3885-01 were observed to 
periodically drive to surrounding townships, whereupon they would 
locate and steal vehicles from garages, auto parts suppliers, and 
dealerships (in addition to miscellaneous parts and tools) before 
returning them to Vulture Gulch to be scavenged and mechanically 
altered. While several instances of these raids were observed, and 
SCP-3885-01 entities would frequently threaten civilians with 
violence if their goods were not surrendered, there is no recorded 
instance of SCP-3885-01 having carried out any act of physical 
assault against any member of the surrounding populace. 


SCP-3885-01 display low overall intelligence, and exhibit only 
rudimentary understanding of automotive mechanics or engineering 
in general. As a result the vehicles produced by SCP-3885-01 
invariably range from merely structurally flawed and inoperable to 
extremely hazardous, with 43% of observed creations suffering 
catastrophic mechanical failure via conflagration and explosion. This 
is typically the result of SCP-3885-01 attempting to utilize 
superfluous vehicular modifications such as dramatically increased 
fuel reservoirs, multiple interlinked engines, poorly-constructed jet 
boosters, and high-pressure flame-based weaponry. 


These entities are aware of the Foundation and their containment, 
but have yet to express overt animosity or ill will toward Foundation 
personnel and have not attempted to breach containment. They can 
be freely interacted with and are not currently considered to pose an 
active threat to individuals assigned to SCP-3885 containment. 


Addendum 3885-01: Examples of SCP-3885-01 vehicle production. 


Date Vehicie Descriptio Performance 


18 July 2003 


04 January, 2007 


12 April 2011 


Heavily armored 
Pontiac Firebird, 
modified to 
accommodate two 
extra engines (both 
turbocharged) 
connected to 
reinforced 
transmission linkages 
with wheel wells 
widened to house 
greatly oversized tires. 


Volkswagen Type 2 
van, wrapped with 
concertina wire and 
equipped with 
seventeen improvised 
flamethrowers. 


2010 Ford F-350 
pickup truck, with jet 
turbine placed in bed. 


Excessive torque 
provided by multiple 
engines causes 
gearbox and 
transmission to 
instantly shear, 
launching metal 
shrapnel in all 
directions. Multiple 
cylinder misfires 
combined with a 
missing air filter 
results in catastrophic 
cylinder failure and 
subsequent 
conflagration. 
Immediate explosion, 
due to electrically 
linking all 
flamethrower triggers 
to activate 
simultaneously with 
vehicle's ignition 
system and the 
placement of vehicle's 
expanded fuel 
reservoir directly 
adjacent to 
uninsulated wiring. 
No result upon 
ignition, due to jet 
turbine being 
constructed of scrap 
metal harvested from 
no less than 37 
separate sources and 
exhibiting no clear 
adherence to jet 
propulsion scientific or 
design principles. Item 


Description: SCP-507 is a Caucasian male with blond hair and 
green eyes, sporting no other outstanding characteristics besides 
being somewhat overweight and speaking with a vague accent of 
disputable origin. Although SCP-507 has an already-established 
name due to its unremarkable upbringing, it seems to find 
entertainment in forcing those it meets to give it a nickname in lieu of 
divulging this information. Thus SCP-507 will now respond to the 
names Tommy, Steve, Bruto, Guy, Houdini, and Grabnok the 
Destroyer. 


SCP-507 was originally recovered from the asylum, when 
standard surveillance following repeated successful escape 
attempts brought its abilities to light. All records of this incident were 
confiscated, and SCP-507 was taken into custody under the 
pretense of moving it to a more secure facility. 


The original theory was that SCP-507 possessed some form of 
teleportation ability, as it would suddenly disappear and eventually 
reappear in a different location. Subsequent interviews with the 
subject did verify that its ability could be used in such a manner, but 
that it was merely a side effect for its main affliction. SCP-507 holds 
that during its periods of “disappearance” it is actually displaced into 
a random alternate reality; the landscape generally stays the same, 
but the inhabitants and climate of the parallel world often do not. 
SCP-507 also insists that it has no control over the time and 
duration of these shifts; this has more-or-less been confirmed by the 
subject being known to “displace” at inconvenient times such as 
mid-sentence, while sleeping, or even while using on-site public 
facilities. If SCP-507 moves about in the alternate world, the 
eventual shift back will then place it at the corresponding area in our 
reality. A sample list of SCP-507s descriptions of alternate realities 
can be found in Document 507-00. 


Mentally, SCP-507 shows no large deviations from the psychological 
profile for a normal person. It has confessed to have always had a 
great interest in the paranormal and mythological, which has directly 
led to its eventual permission to interact with relatively harmless 
SCPs. SCP-507 especially enjoys meeting with other sentient SCPs, 
once going so far as to request a small “vacation” to visit SCP-082. 
The request was eventually granted after persistent pleading from 


then detonates due to 
improperly prepared 
propellant in 
conjunction with 
multiple poorly- 
installed fuel line 
gaskets. 
27 November 2015 | Monster truck, each| Vehicle completely 
wheel replaced with | nonfunctional; 
an entire 1965 Ford | however, sound 


Mustang. Central system successfully 
chassis armored, plays a rotating 
spiked, and equipped selection of heavy 
with four metal music 
flamethrowers, a (including, but not 
sound system limited to, Metallica, 


consisting of nineteen Motley Crue, 
haphazardly-placed | Testament, and Rob 
guitar amplifier stacks, Zombie) at a volume 
and an ice cream of over 120 decibels. 
dispenser. Described by one 
SCP-3885-01 instance 
as “the most metal ice 
cream maker in 
fucking history”. 


Addendum 3885-02 - SCP-3885 surveillance expedition. 


Observation Element: Remote-operated aerial 
drone ROAD-09, equipped with reactive 
camouflage plates. 

Mission Parameters: Observe SCP-3885-01 
behavior in situ. 


ROAD.-09 flies over concrete containment 
barricade, activating stealth system. Drone 


begins observations at south end of Gold Street, 
Vulture Gulch's main avenue. 


Multiple SCP-3885-01 can be seen, engaging in 
various activities. A circular gathering has formed 
in the center of the road, where one 
SCP-3885-01 can be seen repeatedly dunking its 
head into a trough of gasoline and setting itself 
ablaze with a lighter, apparently for the 
amusement of the others. This continues for 
twenty minutes, with each instance of self- 
immolation being met with consistently 
enthusiastic applause and cheering from the 
audience. 


ROAD-O09 continues down the street. Outside one 
of the many impromptu garages established by 
SCP-3885-01, one entity can be seen sitting on 
the ground, smoking three cigarettes 
simultaneously and performing maintenance on a 
partially-disassembled car engine. The 
SCP-3885-01 is unsuccessfully attempting to 
insert an improperly-assembled cylinder 
assembly into the engine's cylinder head, due to 
the aforementioned being too large for its 
intended recess. The SCP-3885-01 stands and 
attempts to force the overlarge piston into the 
cylinder head with a sledgehammer, which 
results in the piston deforming and becoming 
percussion-welded in place. The SCP-3885-01 
then shouts various obscenities at the engine for 
two minutes before picking it up and throwing it 
30 meters through the wall of a building on the 
opposite side of the street.