Dr. Gears observed SCP-3467 to emit a loud, extremely high- 
pitched scream not unlike a small female child. SCP-3467 
proceeded to whimper like said small child and ask for “Mommy”. 
SCP-3467 was instructed to “bark like a dog” if he wished to exit the 
booth. SCP-3467 proceeded to bark like a small, frightened canine 
for 48 seconds, after which the security door was opened. 


It was observed that SCP-3467 had defecated himself at some point 
during the event. 


Recordings of event are available via a request to Central Records, 
or Dr. Gears. 


“He got on all fours when he barked; | didn’t even ask him to do 
that!” — Dr. Gears 


SCP-1981-J: Just A Small Town Girl 


Item #: SCP-1981-J 
Object Class: Euclid 


Containment Procedures: SCP-1981-J-1 is to be kept in a lonely 
world. Once per week, it is to be escorted by a contingent of agents 
from MTF Eta-10 (Perry’s Pipers) onto the midnight train going 
anywhere.! SCP-1981-J-2 is to be contained in South Detroit, where 
it was born and raised. It is also to be escorted by MTF Eta-10 onto 
the midnight train going anywhere. No contact is to be allowed 
between SCP-1981-J-1 and -2 until they arrive at their destination. 


Once SCP-1981-J-1 and -2 arrive at their destination, they are to be 
kept in a smoky room, which contains a singer, the smell of wine 
and cheap perfume. Should SCP-1981-J-1 smile at SCP-1981-J-2, 
or vice-versa, after 6 PM, ESCAPE Protocol is to be enacted 
immediately.2 


Description: SCP-1981-J consists of two shadows, searching in the 
night. They were discovered up and down the boulevard in ; 
Ontario, by strangers who had been waiting for the bus. SCP-1981-J 
are predatory metamorphic organisms, capable of altering their 
forms at will; however, they both have forms which are highly 
preferred. SCP-1981-J-1 most commonly takes the form of 
streetlights, while SCP-1981-J-2 prefers the form of people. It is 
currently unknown if SCP-1981-J are alive; they are able to 
communicate, and their metamorphic abilities allow for facial 
expressions and body language, but they posses no vital signs, and 
are unwilling to cooperate in experiments. Current theories suggest 
that SCP-1981-J are living just to find emotion. Interviews with 
witnesses to SCP-1891-J's capture suggested that there were 
additional instances hiding somewhere in the night; MTF Eta-10 is 
on the lookout, but has not found any evidence to suggest this. See 
Incident 1981-J-A. 


Audio Acquisition Log 1981-J 


Eta-10 Lead: Alright boys, work hard out there 
tonight. There's at least two of these things out 
there, and I've got my fill of chasing anomalies 
around the city. 


Eta-10-5: | don't really care what happens. | 
just want a thrill. 


Eta-10-7: Me too. 
Eta-10-6: Me three! 
Eta-10-3: Shut up, Probies. 


Eta-10 Lead: Let's split up, team. Three, Five, 
and Six, with me. Two, Four, and Seven, you 
go down the boulevard. 


Eta-10-2: Copy, boss. Time to roll the dice, 
just one more time. 


SCP-1981-J-1: Some will win. 
SCP-1981-J-2: Some will lose. 
Eta-10-5: W-what was that? 


Eta-10 Lead: Seems like they came to us. 
Alright, remain calm, and follow the plan. 


SCP-1981-J: (simultaneously) The movie 
never ends!!! 


Eta-10 Lead: Floodlights on! 
Eta-10-2: And On! 
Eta-10-3: And On! 
Eta-10-4: And On! 


SCP-1981-J screeches and hisses 
Eta-10 Lead: Don't stop! 
Eta-10-6: | can't believe it's working! 


A blast of wind originating from SCP-1981-J 
hits MTF Eta-10, pushing several members 
into and up the wall. 


Eta-10-2: Five, hold on to that ceiling! I'm 
coming for you! 


SCP-1981-J: Streetlights! People! 
Eta-10-5: | can't hold on! 
Eta-10-2: Don't stop! 

End Log 


Incident SCP-1981-J-A: On May 19 2009, numerous instances of 
SCP-1981-J were discovered on the set of the television show __, 
resulting in fatalities before containment could be enacted. Due to 
the publicity surrounding the show, amnestics were distributed to the 
surviving cast, and Agents Morrison and Lynch were inserted to 
replace actors slain by SCP-1981-J. Upgrade to Keter is pending 
approval. 


Note from Agent Morrison: Please get me out of here. A man can 
only listen to so much a cappella. 


Footnotes 

1. Provided that the destination has a Foundation facility nearby. 

2. Protocol kept separate from this document for brevity; it goes on 
and on and on and on. 

3. It is currently unknown if these statements were predictions of the 
future or simple threats. However, it has since been discovered that 
some were in fact born to sing the blues. 


SCP-543-J: Tweetle Beetles 


Warning: The Following SCP Has Been Classified a 
Tricky SCP 


Personnel are warned that it will try to get your tongue in 
trouble. 
Caution is advised. 


Item #: SCP-543-J 
Object Class: Grinchlike Constantinople 


Special Containment Procedures: All SCP-543-J specimens 
currently known to The Foundation are to be contained within a 
corked glass bottle, which is to be kept in a secured containment 
chamber located at Site-123. The specimens have shown no desire 
to escape so long as their combat is uninterrupted. 


Description: SCP-543-J designates members of the species 
Nicrophorus seussical (commonly referred to as "Tweetle Beetles"). 
For yet unknown reasons, when two or more specimens are brought 
into contact, all specimens in the immediate area will disperse into 
two smaller, similarly numbered "teams" and engage in combat, 
utilizing properties of the setting around them or any weaponry at 
their disposal in an attempt to claim a strategic advantage over the 
opposing team. Specimens have shown to be invulnerable to 
damage, and combat only ceases when all Tweetle Beetle 
specimens are forcibly removed from the event and separated. 


Tweetle Beetle combat often results in large-scale collateral damage 
if allowed to occur in an uncontained environment. When Tweetle 
Beetles fight outside of containment, it's designated an XK-Tweetle- 
Beetle-Battle-Breaching-Bottle Situation. 


In the event of an XK-Tweetle-Beetle-Battle-Breaching-Bottle 
Situation, Mobile Task Force Epsilon-11 ("Nine-Tailed Fox in 
Socks") will be deployed to recontain all specimens, while Mobile 
Task Force Gamma-5 ("Red Herring Blue Herring") will lead efforts 
to suppress public knowledge of the creatures and cover up any 
collateral damage with false claims. Protocol Green Eggs and 
Hamnestics may be enacted to suppress wide-spread knowledge of 
SCP-543-J should an information breach occur. 


Experiment Log 543-Sierra-Sigma-J 


Experiment-543-J-01 

Test Supervisor: Dr S 

Experiment Parameters: An attempt to contain the event 
previously designated Tweetle-Beetle-Battle-Beta-23. MTF 
Epsilon-11 successfully introduced all SCP-543-J specimens into 
the containment deemed most appropriate, a glass bottle. 
Results: Upon containment in the bottle the Tweetle Beetles kept 
on battling but the bottle wasn't breaking and containment was not 
breached. The bottle wasn't brittle and the battle didn't break it so 
the beetles and their battles in the bottle we will keep. 

Event redesignated: Tweetle-Beetle-Bottle-Battle-Beta-66 


Experiment-543-J-02 

Test Supervisor: Dr S 

Experiment Parameters: 4 metric cups of water were introduced 
into the containment to attempt to subdue the specimens. 
Results: The Tweetle Beetles battled in the puddle in the bottle but 
were bitter that the litre didn't bring the other beetles down. The 
puddle in the bottle brought the battle to a break when the Tweetle 
Beetle leaders formed a huddle with their teams and the Tweetle 
Beetle battlers planned for battling in the lake. 

Event redesignated: Tweetle-Beetle-Puddle-Bottle-Battle- Huddle- 
Beta-66 


Experiment-543-J-03 

Test Supervisor: Dr S 

Experiment Parameters: The Tweetle Beetle battle contained 
within the puddle bottle was exposed to a pair of ping pong paddles. 
Results: Upon exposure of the paddles to the Tweetle Beetle battle 


the beetles in the bottle were in the middle of a muddle because the 
beetles they were battling caused them trouble with their paddling. 
The beaten beetles in the puddle had no rebuttal to the muddle. 
Event redesignated: Tweetle-Beetle-Puddle-Bottle-Paddle-Battle- 
Muddle-Beta-66 


Experiment-543-J-04 

Test Supervisor: Dr S 

Experiment Parameters: The puddle bottle full of beetles was 
introduced to a member of the species Canis lupus familiaris, breed 
poodle, and observed for any effect. The test subject was, at the 
time of testing, consuming and ingesting noodles. 

Results: When the Tweetle Beetles fought their battle with their 
paddles in the puddle with the puddle in the bottle and the bottle on 
a poodle and the poodle eating noodles, the Tweetle Beetle 
paddlers and the beetles they were beating kept the beetle battle 
going and the litre puddle flowing. The poodle eating noodles with 
the bottle on its back didn't seem bewildered by the beetle's big 
attack. The branding of the noodles being eaten by the poodle as 
the Tweetle Beetles battled in the bottle on its back did not get noted 
down because the branding of the noodles being eaten by the 
poodle during testing was redacted. 

Event redesignated: Tweetle-Beetle-Poodle-Paddle-Bottle-Puddle- 
Muddle-Battle-Beta-66 


SCP-008-J: Geoff 


Item #: SCP-008-J 
Object Class: Euclid 


Special Containment Procedures: All attempts to contain 
SCP-008-J have met with failure for apparently unrelated reasons. 
However, SCP-008-J repeatedly returns to Foundation sites, 
seemingly unintentionally. 


Description: SCP-008-J has been registered as an SCP ona 
probationary basis, until Commander Price is able to prove that it 
possesses anomalous properties. 


SCP-008-J is a 23-year-old Caucasian male, who answers to the 
name Geoff, who, by a series of seemingly non-anomalous 
coincidences, frequently gains access into high-security areas of 
Foundation sites without intent or knowledge. SCP-008-J resists 
containment by similar means. 


Below is a list of SCP-008-J sightings. In all instances, Commander 
Price is the first staff member to encounter SCP-008-J. No evidence 
has been found to suggest that this isn’t just another coincidence. 


Incident 008/1 
Incident: 008/1 
Date: / / 


Description: SCP-008-J was hired for his 
expertise as an electrician, to repair the lights 
at Stephany’s Classy Posies, the florist which 
acts as a front for the Site. Due to a minor 
containment breach, the shop was unstaffed 
when SCP-008-J arrived. Moments later, 


Subject: D-Class 546-3950 
Sheet: 55 

Date: 03/24/ 

Phrase: ”555-1234” 


Subject 546-3950 is a deaf individual who lost his hearing a few 
years before arriving at the Foundation. Although written text follows 
the same pattern as above, his ability to sign was never affected. 
After several weeks of monitoring 546-3950, it was determined that 
his ability to use sign language was unaffected by SCP-546. 


"Sign language classes are being provided to subjects 546-3931 
and 546-3880 to further study the effect of SCP-546." ~Dr. 


« SCP-545 | SCP-546 | SCP-547 » 


SCP-008-J was found, aimlessly wandering 
the halls of the Site’s restricted corridors. 


Transcript: 


Commander Price: (Talking over radio) 
Alright, Alpha Team, spread out on the south 
corridor and make as much noise as possible. 
Beta, try to get the jump on it. Knockout gas is 
for last resort only, we all know what this thing 
is like when it’s sleepy! 


SCP-008-J: Hey! Excuse me! 


Commander Price: (Startled) Who the hell 
are you!? 


SCP-008-J: Alright, mate? I’m Geoff. I’m here 
to fix the lights. Sorry, there was no one in the 
shop. 


Commander Price: No one in the... How did 
you get back here!? 


SCP-008-J: (Confused) Erm, | walked? 


Commander Price: There are three ID card 
readers between here and the shop! 


SCP-008-J: Right... Yeah... Look mate, I’ve 
got five other people to see today. Do you 
want me to have a look at your lights, or not? 


Closing Statement: SCP-008-J was placed in 
the custody of Agent while the 
containment breach was suppressed, 
however, Agent suffered a fatal aneurism 
moments later, prompting SCP-008-J to return 
to Stephanie’s Classy Posies, call for an 
ambulance, and leave a note, instructing 
Commander Price to contact him when he is 
ready to have his lights repaired. 


Incident 008/2 
Incident: 008/2 
Date: / / 


Description: SCP-008-J is seen at the 

City Foundation carpentry front, Super 
Craftsmanship Protocols. After requesting to 
use the on-site lavatories, SCP-008-J mistook 
the directions given to him, and made his way 
through a door to the Site’s containment 
facility. The electronic lock had recently been 
destroyed by an agent of the Chaos 
Insurgency, who began hacking into the 
Foundation’s mainframe, moments after 
SCP-008-J’s arrival. 


Transcript: 


Commander Price: Alright people! | want this 
site on lockdown and every room powered 
down but this one! If that stolen data gets 
transmitted it’s all our asses on the — 


SCP-008-J: Hey man! Long time no see! 
Commander Price: What the... 
SCP-008-J: Don’t you work at a florist? 
Commander Price: How did...? 


SCP-008-J: Looks like you’re busy. Sorry, | 
just got lost on my way to the gents. 


Commander Price: This is a top-secret 
military installation! How the hell do you keep 
doing this? 


SCP-008-J: You don’t make a lot of sense. 
Anyone ever tell you that? Anyway, | mention 


the gents cause I’ve kinda gotta pee. Couldn't 
be a pal and point me in the right direction, 
could you? 


Closing Statement: While personally leading 
SCP-008-J to a containment cell, Commander 
Price was confronted by the Chaos Insurgency 
agent, and both were taken hostage, under the 
threat of detonating a handheld explosive. 
Once clear of the facility, the agent was 
extracted by car, leaving Commander Price to 
attempt to capture SCP-008-J at gunpoint, 
before being arrested by local authorities, 
allowing SCP-008-J’s escape. 


Incident 008/3 
Incident: 008/3 
Date: / / 


Description: SCP- began to show signs of 
awakening from its 2,000 years of hibernation. 
Because of his nautical combat experience, 
Commander Price is relocated to the Site, 
beneath the Atlantic Ocean, overlooking the 
fissure in which SCP- resides. The means 
by which SCP-008-J came to be at the site are 
unknown. 


Transcript: 


Commander Price: Alright people, it’s go 
time! | want suppressing fire on this thing 
NOW! Neptune squadron, hit it with everything 
you've got! If this thing gets one claw to the 
surface, then... 


SCP-008-J: Hey, | remember you! 


Commander Price: (Exasperated and 


enraged) FUCK! 


SCP-008-J: Can you help me out? I’m a bit 
turned around. I’m trying to get to Grays 
Street. 


Commander Price: WE’RE 3,000 METERS 
UNDER THE FUCKING OCEAN! 


SCP-008-J: (Produces smartphone) Well that 
explains why my map won't load. 


Commander Price: WHO THE FLAMING 
CHRIST ARE YOU!? 


SCP-008-J: Geoff, remember? Hey, are you 
on Facebook? | feel like | keep running into 
you! We should be friends! 


Closing Statement: Due to the absence of 
holding cells on Site , SCP-008-J was 
secured in an escape pod, since departure is 
permitted only with a pass code or ID card. 
However, after the site suffered a blow from 
SCP-_ , the escape pod malfunctioned and 
launched from the facility, failing to collide with 
17 0f SCP- ’s active tentacles, before 
progressing to open waters. 


SCP-008-J was lost at sea and presumed 
dead, until two days later, when Commander 
Price received a Facebook friend request from 
SCP-008-J, along with a message, which read, 
“Sorry about the pod. | left it somewhere in 
Florida. Hope you get it back ok! :D” 


SCP-3999-J: Talloran's Sacrifice 


Item #: SCP-3999-J 
Object Class: Keter