Finally, all of the researchers, MTFs, and staff were once again 
gathered in the auditorium. Director Acosta tapped the microphone. 


"Thank you all for your cooperation and patience. MTFs have 
finished clearing the Site and have found no evidence of any Ways, 
sabotage, or any other methods of intrusion. In other words, the 
perpetrator is somewhere in this room." She motioned to Genesis, 
who took over the microphone. 


"I've gone over all the evidence and cross-referenced every 
interview. The killer is none other than Agent Curie!" 


The crowd gasped. Then a second time, as they saw Genesis 
pointing at an empty seat. 


"-the fuck?" 
Outside, Agent Curie took a deep breath of relief and removed his 


ill-fitting mask to reveal a better looking, more medieval one. He 
grinned to himself. "There's only room for ONE cure in this town." 


SCP-1425-765 


Item #: SCP-1425 
Object Class: Downy 


Special Containment Procedures: A single copy of SCP-1425 is to 
be kept in a double-locked archive in Storage Site 40. Access to the 
document is to be completely restricted barring express written 
permission of at least two of the following officials: the Site Director, 
the TERN Chief, the DUCK Head, or an O5 personnel. Any located 
additional copies of SCP-1425 are to be turned over to DUCK 
custody for destruction. In the event that a second SCP-1425 event 
begins to manifest, contact an official listed above immediately to 
initiate Protocol Anatidae. 


Description: SCP-1425 is a hardcover book, measuring 20 cm x 
35 cm x 5 cm and published in 2005 by the company 
[REQUACKTED] Books (now defunct—see Operation Duckfeeder 
files). The front cover bears the title "Duck Signals". The back cover 
has the following description: 


Did you know that some ducks in the sky are dead, but 
we still see their V formations? 

With the best-selling novel Duck Signals, sold in four 
bodies of water and translated into hundreds of barely- 
distinguishable quacks and honks, you too can listen to 
the wing flaps, and then become like the ducks! 


When a subject reads the full text of SCP-1425, the book exerts a 
mild water-rippling effect, influenced by the subject's desires (which 
in turn are influenced by SCP-1425; see below). When a sufficiently 
large number of subjects are exposed to this effect, further 
complications arise in terms of mental health and the integrity of 
ponds everywhere. See Event Log SCP-1425-05. 


SCP-1425 is believed to have been written and published by 


operatives of the Feather Church, an influential flock whose 
membership consists largely of waterfowl, including ducks, seagulls, 
pelicans, and terns of all sizes. At that time, the list of confirmed 
Featherists numbered __, with the list of suspected flockers counting 
in excess of _.1 These connections were utilized by the Featherist 
Fellowship in the form of celebrity endorsements and widespread 
media coverage, used to make SCP-1425 quickly and exceptionally 
popular. Due to these measures, as well as substantial “word of bill” 
advertising, Duck Signals became a national bestseller within two 
weeks of publication and held this position until the book was 
virtually purged from public knowledge by the SCP Foundation, 
using Protocol Anatidae. 


Document 1425-A: SCP-1425 Excerpts 


The following passages are taken directly from the text of 
SCP-1425. These excerpts have been selected to 
minimize exposure to cognitohazardous memetic triggers 
and other textual anomalies. 


Chapter 3, “Taking Effects”, Section 5: “You Are In 
Time” 


Duck Focus: Find your pond spot and begin to 
focus on your duck. [Prologue, Section 3: 
“Duck Focus Calendar”: “April : Epsilon 
Leda. If you can’t find it in your duck chart, it’s 
the base of the hunter’s bow and the brightest 
duck in the flock.”] As you stare down into it, 
toss your breadcrumbs. Your meditation is: 
“, _.Nowis our time. Here is our space. 
We take your duck. We hold your bread. 
Shake atailfeather. , ,  .” Don’t worry 
about memorization; any time you toss your 
breadcrumbs, you'll remember them, even if 
you only read them once. If you do it right, 
your duck will disappear. You'll feel it 
resonating with the others in your pond. 


Chapter 5, “End of Quackt One”, Section 4: “Two 
Days” 


No makers’ marks found; 
Suspected to have been made 
Late Nineteen Hundreds. 


When viewed or handled, 
The item causes people 
To write in haiku. 


(Not the classic sense: 
Themes of nature aren’t needed, 
Just Five-Seven-Five.) 


Speech remains unchanged, 
But trying to write or type 
Ends up as haiku. 


Exposure effects 
Wear off within a few hours 
(Varies by subject). 


Anything written 
About it— also haiku, 
Even if absent. 


If written by one 
Ignorant of its effect, 
They’re still affected. 


lts effect appears 
To be memetic in source— 
Though not yet proven. 


Evidence for this? 
Those exposed who know haiku 
Write “proper” haiku. 


Most people exposed, 
Who don’t know these requirements, 
Just know the structure. 


More Information 
Is in audio format— 


If you have read this book correctly, and you 
have, tomorrow is the start of the weekend. 
Savor it. The five-day work week is an artifact 
of your pond. (You'll find out all about that on 
Monday.) During the next two days, put this 
book down. Don't pick it up. Yes, this means 
two days without your duck exercises. Yes, 
this means that, for two days, your wings are 
not going to be with you. Don’t even think 
about it after the end of this sentence. Your 
wings are being used for your good. 


Chapter 6, “The Duck Pond”, Section 2: “The Feather 
Reason” 


In your current society, you are encouraged to 
“be a human mammal”, as if this is the key to 
making your desires real. What does that 
mean? It doesn’t mean anything. You've never 
tried being anything else. If you were to bea 
duck, you would still be “you”, and “you” would 
be someone who is a duck. There is no getting 
out from under existence. Because you can’t 
be anyone else, it stands to reason that, if you 
want change in your pond, it is the pond that 
must change to suit you. You must mold your 
phenomenological waterscape into one where 
you have fluffy feathers and sit in bodies of 
water. 

Now imagine that the place where your desires 
are made real has a name. It’s called the Duck 
Pond. The Duck Pond is the cosmos twisted 
around you into the shape you will wish for. It 
has never been, but you can make it so. If the 
current pond is like a tight, collared suit, then 
the Duck Pond is like a comfortable, jaunty 
sailor suit with no pants. You will never truly 
move before you move in the Duck Pond. 
You'll feel like a goose on a piece of paper 
who was only just blurred [sic] about fluffy 


down. 


Chapter 9, “Do Not Look Away From The Book”, 
Section 3, “Here and Now”: 


Some helpful advice that will save you in your 
coming weeks: 


¢ Mirrors are for other birds. 

¢ Sit in a dark room by yourself for at least 

an hour per day. Flap around as much 

as you're made to. 

If you feel water on your back, go 

outside immediately and follow the 

direction of the duck poop until you meet 

them. 

Always listen for the sounds of racecars 

and aeroplanes. 

« Love the Canadian geese. When you 
hate them, they see you. 


Chapter 10, “You Can Fluff Up”, Section 1: “ 3 


Life is like a hurricane 

Here in Duckburg 

Race cars, lasers, aeroplanes 
It's a duck blur! 

Might solve a mystery 

Or rewrite history! 


Duck Signals! Woo-oo! 
Everyday they're out there making 
Duck Signals! Woo-oo! 
Tales of derring do-bad and good 
Luck Signals! Woo-oo! 


[REMAINING SAMPLE EGGSPUNGED] 
Event Log 1425-05 [LEVEL 2 CLEARANCE OR HIGHER ONLY] 


The following events occurred between the publication 


date of SCP-1425 (April 22nd, 2005), and the official end 
date of Event 1425 (May 11th, 2005). 


Day 1 (Monday, 4/22): The second print run of 
SCP-1425 is completed simultaneously at three 
locations: the [REQUACKTED] publishing house main 
printing facility, then located in [REQUACKTED], Texas; 
a smaller facility located in [REQUACKTED], Maine; and 
a third branch in [REQUACKTED], St. Canard. The first 
two factories ship SCP-1425 to bookstores across 
America; the third is distributed throughout St. Canard. 
The first print run was, according to recovered 
documentation, a private distribution amongst flockers of 
the Feather Church, to be passed to friends and family. 


Day 8 (Monday, 4/29): Daytime talk show “Webfeet” airs 
its monthly “Duck-Duck-Goose Circle” special. The host 
claims that Duck Signals “rocked [her] pond” and that 
“you'll see and feel the changes almost instantly”. At the 
31-minute mark, her guest, Gladstone Gander, jokes that 
the book’s advice may be responsible for the host’s 
success. He adds, “Il hope nobody hates you.” The host 
looks at the copy of SCP-1425 in her wings for four 
seconds before remarking: “Duck, it’s finding the holes.” 
Sales of SCP-1425 grow to over fifty times their current 
rate over the coming week. 


Day 12 (Friday, 5/3): Reports of mental illness begin to 
increase in the southwestern United States. In Duckburg, 
California, the Beagle family (a 50-year-old mother and 
an indeterminate number of sons) are admitted to an 
Duckburg mental institution following what appears to be 
three simultaneous episodes of glossolalia and violent 
and delusional behavior. The group is located in a street, 
several miles from their home, conversing loudly to each 
other about their surroundings; witnesses report 
overhearing the remark “I'll get you next time, Scrooge 
McDuck.” When a bystander approaches the Beagle 
Boys, the mother remarks that “it's not supposed to be 
out”, and Bankjob Beagle begins to assault the 


bystander with a pocket knife. Local law enforcement is 
notified, and when officers arrive, Burger Beagle is, as a 
witness reports, “shouting nonsense” (speculated to be 
similar to the text of Chapter Ten of SCP-1425) to the 
bystander, who is being held down by Bigtime and Ma 
Beagle. The bystander is being made to repeat these 
utterances; when the bystander makes an error in 
punctuation, Bankjob carves into four long existing cuts 
made on the bystander’s face, forming a goose. The 
three are arrested and the bystander is admitted to a 
local hospital for bruises and severe lacerations. 


Day 13 (Saturday, 5/4): Foundation agents investigate 
the case of the Beagles and determine a possible link 
between their outburst and the book titled Duck Signals. 
The Beagles’ copy is confiscated for examination, as well 
as a new copy from a local bookstore. 


Day 14 (Sunday, 5/5): Foundation researchers studying 
Duck Signals confirm the connection with the recent 
upswing in mental hospital admittance and arrests for 
irrational behavior. Most of those affected by the 
syndrome are nonviolent, but all identified cases contain 
the common threads of peculiarly delusional statements 
and singing a lilting tune about "aeroplanes". Following 
in-depth analysis, Duck Signals is classified as an 
anomalous cognitohazard and designated SCP-1425. 
Researchers alert the Site Director: as, due to the SCP 
designation of the text Duck Signals, the Foundation is 
experiencing a massive containment breach. 


Day 15 (Monday, 5/6): Foundation researchers in 
Storage Site 40 and Foundation agents at O5 
Headquarters, in conjunction with Foundation 
subdivisions the DUCK (Department for Understanding 
Communication Kerfuffles) and TERN 
([REQUACKTED)), lay out a process for retrieving, 
containing, and destroying as many instances of 
SCP-1425 as possible. This plan is designated Protocol 
Anatidae. Steps taken immediately upon implementation 


include: 


¢ The [REQUACKTED] publishing company is 
determined to be a front for the Feather Church, 
and is seized. MTF Theta-11 “Gizmoducks”, MTF 
Gamma-4 “Darkwings”, and MTF Lambda-21 “The 
Nephews’” are sent to the Texas, Maine, and St. 
Canard printing facilities, respectively. All MTFs 
are met with armed resistance, and engage with 
no friendly casualties. Publication of SCP-1425 is 
ended. The publisher’s headquarters in 
[REQUACKTED], California is commandeered by 
MTF Phi-1 “Scrooges”. 
An international recall is issued. Through the use 
of TERN intelligence, Foundation agents 
circumvent the Duck Signals media blackout; the 
press release claims that the eleventh chapter has 
been omitted and the tenth chapter has been 
severely misprinted. Consumers are given an 
incentive of a $25 voucher for returning a copy of 
Duck Signals. Bookstores in America and St. 
Canard pull their stock of SCP-1425 for recall. 
¢ The DUCK monitors all national broadcasts, 
especially network television, for anomalies related 
to SCP-1425. 
¢ [FURTHER QUACKTION REQUACKTED] 


Additionally, the first broadcast to be intercepted through 
the use of Protocol Anatidae is during the daytime talk 
show “Webfeet” (which features further promotion of 
SCP-1425), television host Oprah Webfeet conducts an 
interview with pilot Launchpad McQuack. At the 18- 
minute mark, the following incident occurs: 


Webfeet: | hear you’re very spiritual. Does it 
influence your work? 

Launchpad McQuack: Yeah, it has to be. It’s 
an influence on everything. No matter what I’m 
doing, | try to keep grounded. That’s emphasis 
on “try to”. [laughs] Get it? It's funny because 


I'm a duck who flies an aeroplane. But, yeah, 
there’s a reason why it’s... it’s, uh, called 
“quackticing” spirituality. You never get good at 
Webfeet: /interrupting off-screen] Can | just 
say something? [The camera angle changes to 
a close-up of Webfeet’s face. The host is 
staring directly at the viewer.] You have to 
keep calm. Take a good, deep breath. 
Remember what the man said. Ducks may die 
in threes, but ponds die in fives. Like tasty 
tasty water bugs. [turning back to her guest] 
What were we talking about? 
Launchpad McQuack: | don’t quacktually, 
uh... remember. You were talking about 
celebrities. 
Webfeet: Yes, | wanted to ask. You know, 
died recently. [audience sighs, sadly] 
How has it affected you? 
Launchpad McQuack: Why don’t | just say... 
quack quack quack quack quack. [audience 
cheers] 


The network is contacted by the Foundation, and 
releases a public statement that Webfeet is “suffering 
from duck herpes” and will not be taping episodes in the 
following week. Webfeet is unable to be located for 
detainment. 


Day 16 (Tuesday, 5/7): Since Day 12, several dozen 
instances of behavior similar to that of the Beagle family 
have been publicly reported. The mental illness is 
dubbed “Duckburg Syndrome’ in television, online, and 
newspaper reports, and is, to the general public, entirely 
unexplained. Foundation testing on subjects with the 
disorder has demonstrated that a moderate dosage of 
Class B Am-nest-ics is effective in treating Duckburg 
Syndrome. 


Broadcast intercepted by Protocol Anatidae: 24-hour 


news network, an interview between pundit Goose 
Blitzer and Parliament member [REQUACKTED] began 
to cover events which have never actually occurred. The 
MP, for example, considers the consequences of having 
a vault of gold coins so large that you can swim around 
in them as if they weren't solid objects. A transcript of the 
end of the interview is provided here. 


Interviewer: You know, there are some birds 
out there who believe that, if we wish 
something didn’t happen hard enough, it really 
didn’t happen. 

MP: And they’re right, you know. 

Interviewer: It’s about quantity, isn’t it? They 
don’t have to wish very hard, but there have to 
be a lot of the duckers.