Description: SCP-2730 is a mallard-like humanoid that humans 
perceive to be the American actor and comedian Gilbert Gottfried. 
This perceptive effect extends to the naked eye and ordinary 
camera viewing. Sonar, infrared, and thaumaturgic viewing indicates 
that SCP-2730's true form is that of a human-sized mallard. It has 
webbed feet and abnormally long, cylindrical wings, with tumor-like 
protuberances for hands. SCP-2730's head is mostly similar to that 
of anormal wild duck's, although the beak has been severely 
deformed and forced against the craniofacial area to simulate a 
nose and mouth. DNA samples taken from SCP-2730 indicate that it 
is a member of the mallard species (Anas platyrhynchos). 


SCP-2730 was initially discovered in 2005, during filming of the 
documentary The Aristocrats. The actor was being 
investigated for anomalous properties; however, sonar and infrared 
analysis inadvertently revealed SCP-2730's anomalous status 
instead. SCP-2730 was quickly taken into custody and replaced with 


a biological facsimile’. 


It is unclear how long SCP-2730 was imitating Gilbert Gottfried; at 
the time of capture, it was found to be wearing a face mask made of 
skin, designated as SCP-2730-1, that enabled SCP-2730 to 
resemble Gilbert Gottfried. Analysis of SCP-2730-1 indicates that it 
is genetically identical to the real Gilbert Gottfried? and was at least 
ten years old in 2005. 


Addendum: 
+ Interview 2730-01 


This interview was taped using both a regular 
and an infrared security camera. 


Date: July 16, 
Interviewer: Dr. Rothfuss 
[BEGIN LOG] 


Rothfuss: Good morning. | am Doctor 
Rothfuss. If you cooperate with me, | can 
shorten your stay here and make sure your 
time spent here is as comfortable as possible. 


SCP-2730: Do you know who | am? I'm Gilbert 
Gottfried! | demand to see my lawyer! 


Rothfuss: Why were you pretending to be 
Gilbert Gottfried? 


SCP-2730: Pretending? What the hell do you 
mean? You have no right to keep me here! 


Rothfuss opens a laptop on the table and turns 
it towards SCP-2730. It contains real-time 
footage from the infrared camera in the 
interview room. SCP-2730's true appearance 
is clearly visible. 


Rothfuss: You are a duck pretending to be 
Gilbert Gottfried. 


SCP-2730 is silent. 


Rothfuss: Please cooperate. | want to help. 
SCP-2730: I'm the real Gilbert Gottfried! 


Rothfuss: If you tell me the truth, then | can let 
you go. How are you able to make yourself 
look like Gilbert Gottfried? 


SCP-2730: Because | am Gilbert Gottfried! 


Rothfuss: There is no point in lying to me. I'll 
keep going. Why are you pretending to be 
Gilbert Gottfried? 


SCP-2730 is silent. 


Rothfuss: Why are you pretending to be 
Gilbert Gottfried? Where is the real Gilbert 
Gottfried? 


SCP-2730 is silent. 
Rothfuss: Where is the real Gilbert Gottfried? 


SCP-2730: Maybe I'm a duck. Or maybe... 
you're the duck. 


Rothfuss: Excuse me? 


At this moment, the camera feed is disrupted 
for two seconds. When the feed resumes, the 
infrared feed shows SCP-2730 as Gilbert 
Gottfried, while Rothfuss appears to be an 
instance of SCP-2730. SCP-2730 turns the 
laptop back towards Rothfuss so he can see 
the feed. 


Rothfuss: How did you do that? 


SCP-2730: It's clear to me now. You're a duck. 
You're trying to trick me into becoming a duck. 


Rothfuss: Please don't try to trick me. How 
did you do that? 


SCP-2730: | won't go back. Oh, they'll try to 
pull me back... but it's going to be you now, 
won't it? Since you're the duck? 


Rothfuss: |'m not a duck. My name is... is 
Edward Rothfuss. 


SCP-2730: You are a duck pretending to be 
Edward Rothfuss. 


Rothfuss: Have you done something to me? 


SCP-2730: The better question is what did you 
do? What did you do with the real Edward 
Rothfuss? 


Rothfuss: I'm the real Edward Rothfuss! 
Security, please be advised... | think | have 
been compromised. 


SCP-2730: Tell me the truth! What did you do 
with the real Edward Rothfuss? 


Rothfuss: Nothing! | am Edward Rothfuss! 


SCP-2730: How are you able to make yourself 
look like Edward Rothfuss? 


Rothfuss: Because | am Edward Rothfuss! 


SCP-2730: Prove it. Take off your god-damn 
mask and show me that you're the real 
Edward Rothfuss. 


SCP-315-1 was able to tell that he had been paused. SCP-315-1 
then demonstrated the ability to respond, when resumed, to 
questions that had been asked during pause. 

Rewind: Entire scene rewound, including SCP-315-1. When 
resumed, DVD played back SCP-315-1's side of previous 
discussion. SCP-315-1 did not respond to questioning until video 
had once again reached the furthest watched point. He then 
resumed normal conversation and requested not to be rewound 
again. 

Fast forward: Whole scene fast-forwarded, including SCP-315-1, 
who sat still during sped-up play. SCP-315-1 picked up conversation 
immediately afterward, and requested not to be fast-forwarded 
again. 

Slow forward: SCP-315-1 was able to react to conversation during 
slow play, but was slowed down himself. When normal playback 
resumed, he identified that he had been in slow motion, but noted 
that it made no perceivable difference to him. 


Addendum 315-02: 

Attempted to copy one of the unwatched DVDs. Was unsuccessful - 
disc contains some form of copy protection that nobody seems to be 
able to break. SCP-315-1 showed awareness of this attempt when 
next consulted, and made reference to "cheating”. 


Addendum 315-03: 

SCP-315-1 made reference to discs possibly being pre-recorded. To 
attempt to disprove, played a disc "out of sequence", i.e., played a 
disc from the middle of the pile rather than in the top-to-bottom order 
previously used. No apparent effect - SCP-315-1 was still able to tell 
the current, real-world time, conversed normally, complimented 
researcher on guile. 


Addendum 315-04: 

Further attempt to prove or disprove pre-recording theory. A pseudo- 
random number generator was used. Displayed number to television 
screen. SCP-315-1 was able to read out the number. If video is pre- 
recorded, the algorithm used for event prediction is almost 
impossibly accurate. Seems far more likely that effect is due to 
some paranormal phenomenon in the discs themselves, although 
further suggestions to try and prove either hypothesis are 


Dr. Rothfuss puts his hands to his face and is 
able to peel the skin of his face away. As the 
skin peels away, Rothfuss is revealed to be an 
instance of SCP-2730 on the non-infrared feed 
as well. At that moment, the on-duty security 
team enters the room and terminates the 
interview. 


Addendum: 


Following the events of Interview 2730-01, Dr. Rothfuss was 
designated as an instance of SCP-2730. Due to his positive history 
with the Foundation, Rothfuss has been allowed to keep his 
instance of SCP-2730-1 and remain in Foundation employ as a 
Class-E personnel with Level 2 clearances. 


Footnotes 

1. This procedure, while unorthodox, was adopted for the purposes 
of testing in-development biomedical and surveillance technologies 
in a real-world setting. 

2. DNA testing was accomplished with a sample of Gottfried's 
semen acquired in 1985 (the last known point when he was 
confirmed to be alive). 

3. In accordance with standard Humanoid Containment Protocols, 
Rothfuss has been implanted with a subdermal GPS tracking chip. 


« SCP-2729 | SCP-2730 | SCP-2731 » 


SCP-2731: When Hell Freezes Over 


Item #: SCP-2731 
Object Class: Euclid 


Special Containment Procedures: The floor containing SCP-2731 
is to be covered at all times in a cast-iron platform that conceals and 
protects SCP-2731. The platform is to be coated in nonslip padding 
and fitted with a bolted trap door that can be unbolted and opened to 
reveal the second layer, a cavity containing SCP-2731 and 
protected by a secondary door only accessible with Level 2 or above 
object clearance. 


The shaft inside SCP-2731 is to be capped with a padded iron insert 
that can be removed from above. Do not dig into, drill into, or 
otherwise damage the SCP-2731 shaft from within. 


Description: SCP-2731 is an aperture built into the floor of a stock 
room of [REDACTED], a grocery store in Asheville, North Carolina. 
The aperture is concealed by a square iron door which is 2cm thick, 
.7m wide, and designed to be flush with the surrounding floor. The 
floor in the room containing SCP-2731 slopes down toward the 
aperture in all directions, possibly to allow for drainage. 


SCP-2731 connects to a shaft which extends downward for 
approximately 40 meters before opening into an extensive artificial 
cavern system [see Exploration Log 2731-1-1999]. As all imaging 
and exploratory measures taken have been unable to locate the 
cavern system, it is believed to be extradimensional. 


A plaque is affixed to the underside of SCP-2731 which reads as 
follows. 


THIS PORTAL INSTALLED SEPTEMBER 1951 
UNDER CONTRACT FOR 
RICHARD AND SONS GATEWAY SERVICE 


According to interviews with owners and employees of the business, 
SCP-2731 was inactive or inaccessible until August 10th, 1998, 
when it was altered by members of Richard and Sons, the same 
organization which originally placed it. [See the Groups of Interest 
file appropriate for your clearance level.] The Foundation has 
attempted to contact Richard and Sons via the telephone number 
provided on the business card provided to the attending cashier, but 
received an automated report stating that the number is out of 
service. 


Closed-circuit surveillance records of Richard and Sons' time inside 
the premises housing SCP-2731 have been obtained and cataloged. 
A transcript follows. 


Incident recording begins, time 3:20 


[Two Richard and Sons agents, designated here as 
Operative A and Operative B, enter the building and 
approach a cashier.] 


Operative A: Ma'am, could you please direct us to your 
storeroom? 


Cashier: Excuse me? 


Operative A: We received a call about a stuck Avernus 
cover in your premises. We're here to repair it. Here's 
our card. [Operative B produces a business card from his 
shirt pocket and hands it to the cashier.] Those are the 
new ones with the right number, aren't they? 


Operative B: I'm pretty sure. 
Cashier: I'm going to have to talk to the manager. 
Operative B: That's great. 


Operative A: That's fine. We'll be right here. [The 
cashier walks to her station.] What was that? 


Operative B: The... | was just trying to be friendly. 


Operative A: | can handle it. [The store manager 
approaches. ] 


Manager: What's this about? 


Operative A: We're here to repair a stuck Avernus 
cover, sir. Did you get... here, have a card. [Operative 
produces a business card and gives it to the manager.] 


Manager: Alright, so you're repairmen here to fix a 
furnace cover? 


Operative A: Avernus cover. You can't leave it stuck, 
could cause all kinds of problems. 


Operative B: It can be a health code violation. 
Operative A: He's actually right. 
Manager: How long is this going to take? 


Operative A: Ten, fifteen minutes tops to make sure 
everything's working. We'll be in and out. 


Manager: Well, alright. | can take you to our heating 
controls. 


Operative A: No thanks, sir, we can find it from here. 
[The two operatives walk toward the storeroom.] 


Operative B: Oh, | just remembered. | got a call from 
someone looking for some major installation work. 


Operative A: What's the site? 


Operative B: | think it's a Satanists club or something 
out in Hendersonville. 


Operative A: Jesse? [Operative A stops at the door to 
the storeroom.] | gotta ask you a question. Do you 
remember what it says on our van? [Operative A points 
with his thumb toward the parking lot.] 


Operative B: Uh. "Richard And Sons, serving Greater 
Asheville for generations, we give you a hell of a deal." 


Operative A: Greater Asheville. Do you know what that 
means? 


Operative B: | guess it starts at the library— 


Operative A: It means greater got-dang Asheville. We're 
a local business. Family-run. We provide a niche service 
to a very specific area. Are you going to pay your own 
goddamn gas money and van maintenance to head out 
into the fucking sticks to open a demonhole at some 
redneck's cabin? 


Operative B: N-no, sir. 


Operative A: You worked at Domino's before this, you 
should know this shit. [The operatives enter the 
stockroom.] Open that toolbox and get the gauge. 
[Operative B hands Operative A an electronic device. 
Operative A activates it.] 


[Remaining surveillance footage unusable due to radio 
interference. ] 


Incident recording ends, time 3:27 


Exploration Log 2731-1-1999: As interference within SCP-2731 
makes the use of unmanned reconnaissance devices and video 
surveillance unfeasible, an agent was sent into the SCP-2731 shaft 
with an analog audio recording device. Transcript follows. 


Coming down. These walls look and feel like sandstone. 
| bumped into it a few seconds ago, and it scraped like 
hell. 


I'm in an antechamber now. The floor is covered in liquid 
up to my toes. Something pinkish and viscous. 
[Squishing sounds are audible.] Hear that? That's my 
boots. 


Massive door in front of me. Inscription reads "Dulcis 
casus ad inferna”. If I'm remembering my Latin 102, 
that's "the descent to hell is sweet". [A creaking sound is 
audible. ] 


Christ. Cold air just smacked me in the face, but | think 
the smell is worse. Proceeding through. 


That smell's not going away. It's sickly-sweet and 
chemical. Like... sticking your head in a freezer that's 
been broken for a week. I'm in a long, narrow hallway, 
and the walls are lined with rows of tiny metal prongs. 
Melon baller things. There's sticky residue on those, too. 


Shit, | glanced back and saw something cross through 
the walkway at the end. | think I'll go left and avoid it. | 
see a plaque over the entryway. It says "Destructores 
dentium". "Destroying teeth"? All capital letters. 


Okay. This is... this is massive. The hall circles around a 
column here, and | can see rooms with four-meter 
ceilings, at least. There's vats of... something down 
there, and creatures milling around them. If | can get a 
good look without being noticed... 


The workers here are stout little bastards, maybe one 
and a half meters tall. Wedge-shaped, white, lumpy. No 
necks. Their little white heads have these red and blue 
pustules and... | think those are horns. | can see their 
breath. Some are operating machinery, some are just 
watching and laughing. A lot of them are holding pole- 
arms with concave hollows on the end. Giant spoons. 


There are chutes running down from the ceiling over the 
vats, and every so often a worker pulls a lever that 
releases something into them. I'm seeing... is that 
broken glass? That one has syringes. Something 
covered in mold... and teeth. And then they stir the vats 
with their paddles and go again. 


There's an opening in the central column here, and a 


spiral stairway inside. The pathway's clear, so I'm 
heading down. 


It's warming up as | go. | can feel my fingers again. I'm at 
the next floor down, and it's probably thirty-five, forty 
degrees in this room. Plaque over the entryway says 
"Purgamenta crassificantia". "Fattening garbage"? Hope 
I'm pronouncing these right. 


The structure's the same, but the workers are a little 
taller and ganglier here. About my height. Still paying no 
attention to me. | guess I'm being pretty quiet, | can't 
hear myself over that grinding metal. | think everything is 
here is made of rusty iron.