At 1300 hours, SCP-7475-J breached containment and ran amok in 
Site 69, waving the components of the scuba gear above its head 
and screaming frantically. Upon encountering any person, the 
subject would grab them, pin them against the wall, forcibly place 
the gear upon them, and punch the victim in the face. 


This went on for fifty minutes, during which time SCP-7475-J 
managed to capture and punch _ Foundation agents, researchers 
and doctors before being sedated from a distance and returned to its 
containment chamber. From this point on, all requests made by 
SCP-7475-J were to be denied without exception. 


Addendum-7475-J-02: Prior to Incident 7475-GW6, the subject's 
tank was composed entirely of bulletproof glass, and minimal 
security was spared towards it. A week after incident 7475-AD3, the 
subject breached containment once again. Video of the escape 
shows the subject ranting about Foundation members being part of 


the "shark-loving agenda" and randomly punching them in the face, 
despite their distinct lack of similar appearance to or relation to 
sharks. 


Subject's holding tank was afterwards fitted with the current steel 
slabs, as per the new containment protocols. 


Addendum-7475-J-03: After six containment breaches similar to 
Incident 7475-GW6 and multiple failed efforts to keep the subject 
sedated and contained, Doctor Kerekes erroneously informed 
SCP-7475-J that, due to its skin condition and ability to survive 
underwater, it was part-shark. Upon receiving this information, the 
subject became unresponsive to any other information and began to 
repeatedly punch itself in the face. 


This has proven to be an effective way of keeping the subject from 
breaching containment; however, the strength it exhibits when 
attacking sharks has led to minor brain damage, repeated bouts of 
amnesia, and an occasional loss of consciousness. Despite this, as 
long as the subject is repeatedly reminded of its status as a shark, 
the only other action needed to keep it contained is medical 
attention for any serious injuries. 


Excerpt from SCP-7475-J's Surveillance Transcript 
SCP-7475-J: NO! | have to punch the sharks! 
Dr. Kerekes: No, 7475, you are the sharks. 


Addendum-7475-J-04: Though the subject has not confirmed nor 
denied the theory that the Shark Punching Center is responsible for 
its condition, the strong possibility that tt was mutated by the 
organization has grabbed Foundation attention. Requests to make 
the Center an official Group of Interest are currently under review. 


SCP-789-J: the butt ghost!! 


Item #: SCP-789-J 
Object Class: Safe 


Special Containment Procedures: SCP-789-J is kept in my toilet 
and only i can talk to it 


Description: SCP-789-J is a ghost that is a face. it lives in a toilet 
and it talks to you while you poop. then when you poop it goes "no 
stop aaaa-" and then stops because there is poop in its mouth. 


SCP-789-J travels around in butts. you can only get rid of it by 
wiping. that is the moral of the story. 


sometimes it kills other butts and makes them butt ghosts too. but it 
is always lonely because it is a butt ghost. 


Addendum: if you fall in the toilet, it eats your butt. 


by researcher james, age 11 


SCP-ROCKS-J: A Pile Of Rocks That Need To Shut 
The Hell Up 


Item #: SCP-ROCKS-J 
Object Class: Safe 


Special Containment Procedures: All instances of SCP-ROCKS-J 
are to be stored in a soundproof container large enough to contain 
all twenty-six instances. As instances of SCP-ROCKS-J have 
reacted negatively to being separated from one another, instances 
have been allowed to be contained in the same container as long as 
they keep disputes and arguments to a minimum. 


Description: SCP-ROCKS-d refers to a total of twenty-six varying 
types of large river rocks. All instances are fully sentient and capable 
of vocal communication despite lacking mouths. All instances speak 
in an identical, loud, high-pitched voice. Each instance bares a pair 
of large googly eyes, which despite appearing non-anomalous, allow 
instances to visually perceive their surroundings. All instances of 
SCP-ROCKS-J are capable of minor telekinesis which they use to 
move. Instances are unable to use their abilities on any life forms or 
objects other than themselves. 


Instances of SCP-ROCKS-J have been designated SCP-ROCKS-J- 
Ato Z. 


SCP-ROCKS-J are considered non-threatening to Foundation staff. 
Instances show a low level of intelligence and lack the ability to pay 
attention to one specific subject for even short amounts of time and 
on occasion experience severe memory loss. With instances often 
forgetting personnel and previously learned information. 


SCP-ROCKS-J was discovered in river locatedin —_, England. 
Instances at the time of discovery were attempting to communicate 
with a nearby pigeon. This ended with an instance of SCP-ROCKS-J 
having apparently become ‘inspired’, and proceed to perform a rap 


about pigeons!. 
+ Interview ROCKS-J-1 


Interview ROCKS-J-1 
Subjects: SCP-ROCKS-J 


Begin Log 

SCP-ROCKS-J-A: Hi! 

Dr. Agnew: Good evening, |’m doctor Agnew. 
SCP-ROCKS-J-A: We're rocks! 


Dr. Agnew: Indeed you are! I'll be interviewing 
you all today. 


SCP-ROCKS-J-A: Our names are Bob, Steve, 
Jessica, Rodrick, Kyle, Carl, Karl with a ‘k’, 
Jessica again, Paul, Kevin, Steve again- 


Dr. Agnew: Er... don’t worry, there’s no need 
to tell me all of your names. | was hoping a few 
of you could share some useful information 
regarding your origins or biology? 


SCP-ROCKS-J-A: It shall be me! | speak for 
the rocks. 


SCP-ROCKS-J-B: No you don’t! Speak for 
yourself, Arnold! 


SCP-ROCKS-J-A: Shut it Bob. You lost the 
right to speak up in the last rock committee 
meeting! 


SCP-ROCKS-J-B: See! This is exactly what i 
was talking about! | was sick of you 
incessantly putting the word ‘rock’ in front of 
everything we do! 


SCP-ROCKS-J-A: It’s an important wording 
choice! The world needs to know that we are 
rocks and proud! 


SCP-ROCKS-J-B: They do not! They can 
plainly see that we are rocks just by looking at 
us! And also ones with big glorious eyes on 
them! 


(SCP-ROCKS-J-B turns to Dr. Agnew and 
begins shaking intensely for several seconds, 
causing its googly eyes to shake rapidly.) 


SCP-ROCKS-J-B: You see!? 
Dr. Agnew: Um... | certainly do. 


SCP-ROCKS-J-B: See!? he gets it! You 
should think before you start talking shit! 


SCP-ROCKS-J-A: That’s it! I’m going to knock 
your rocks off! 


SCP-ROCKS-J-B: That pun wasn’t even funny 
and we don’t wear socks. That joke works 
neither as a humorous line or as one that 
makes sense! 


SCP-ROCKS-J-A: That is the last outburst 
you'll make! 


(SCP-ROCKS-J-A and B levitate several 
centimeters off the ground and begin to 
repeatedly tap into each another using their 
telekinetic abilities. Dr. Agnew stares in 
disbelief for roughly thirty seconds before 
interfering.) 


Dr. Agnew: Ok let’s just- Look just calm down 
alright? there’s no nee- 


SCP-ROCKS-J-C: He separated Arnold and 


Bob! Crap, this guy must be on the real shit! 
(Instances A and B lower to the ground.) 


SCP-ROCKS-J-D: Sorry. We had no idea you 
were so jacked bro! You gotta show me what 
you lift! 


Dr. Agnew: What? no! | don’t... Ok, let’s start 
again with something else... 


SCP-ROCKS-J-C: He shall be our King! 


SCP-ROCKS-J-E: We have a king now? 
sweet! 


SCP-ROCKS-J: (In unison) ALL HAIL. 
Dr. Agnew: Now this is getting strange... 


(All instances of SCP-ROCKS-d levitate in 
unison and begin slowly moving towards Dr. 
Agnew.) 


SCP-ROCKS-J: HAAAAAAAAAAIL... 

Dr. Agnew: Alright That's it! I’m done! 

(Dr. Agnew retreats from the interview room.) 
<End Log> 


Post interview report: Upon leaving the 
interview room, SCP-ROCKS-J continued to 
vocalise the word ‘hail’ for the following ten 
minutes. SCP-ROCKS-J eventually ceased 
this behaviour, apparently forgetting what they 
had been doing. Following this, instances 
appeared to have a discussion regarding the 
hierarchy of their group. This later ended with 
instances organising a hierarchy amongst 
themselves consisting of royal titles of various 


continents, all of which were altered to feature 
the word ‘rock’ or a type of rock. 


+ Interview ROCKS-J-2 


Interview ROCKS-J-2 
Subjects: SCP-ROCKS-J 


Begin Log 
Dr. Agnew: Hello again SCP-ROCKS-J. 
SCP-ROCKS-J-C: Have we met? 


Dr. Agnew: You don’t recall? we... never mind 
that. I’m Dr. Agnew. 


SCP-ROCKS-J-A: We're rocks! 
Dr. Agnew: | know. I’m here to interview you- 


SCP-ROCKS-J-A: What’s your favourite 
colour? 


Dr. Agnew: Excuse me? 


SCP-ROCKS-J-A: Ours are red, blue, yellow, 
pink, burgundy, pink again, orange, pink a third 
time, blue again, silver, crimson, pink- 


Dr. Agnew: Sorry to interrupt you, but... | was 
hoping to speak to you about your origins. Do 
you by chance know where you came from? 


SCP-ROCKS-J-G: I’m pretty sure we came 
from a place called ‘Made In China’. It’s printed 
on my bottom. 


SCP-ROCKS-J-R: | thought we were from 
Barcelona. 


SCP-ROCKS-J-K: You would Rodrick! 


SCP-ROCKS-J-R: Shut up Kevin, no one likes 
you! 


SCP-ROCKS-J-G: | don’t even remember 
getting this tattoo... 


SCP-ROCKS-J-W: Well, | have one with 
‘Wondertainment' on it... 


SCP-ROCKS-J-A: You can’t prove anything. 
It'll never hold it a court of law. And Steve's a 
lawyer! 


(SCP-ROCKS-J-S appears with a necktie 
attached to it.) 


SCP-ROCKS-J-S: I’m a lawyer! 


SCP-ROCKS-J-A: Yes, and we have a rock- 
solid alibi! 


SCP-ROCKS-J-B: Jesus, not this again! 
SCP-ROCKS-J-R: Stop-pit you two! We’re 
trying to discuss serious legal things! | think 


these jerks want to sue us! 


SCP-ROCKS-J-K: | thought this was a murder 
trial? 


SCP-ROCKS-J-S: Murder!? They can’t prove 
that. That guy we drowned in the river was 
never recovered! 


Dr. Agnew: ( Visibly tired and bewildered) 
WHAT'S EVEN GOING ON ANYMORE!? 


SCP-ROCKS-J-H: Who are we drowning? 


SCP-ROCKS-J-B: You in a minute if you don’t 
shut your nonexistent bitch ass mouth! 


<End Log> 
+ Interview ROCKS-J-3 


Interview ROCKS-J-3 
Subjects: SCP-ROCKS-J and a pile of non- 
anomalous rocks 


Begin Log 

SCP-ROCKS-J-A: Hi! 

(Several seconds of silence. No response.) 
SCP-ROCKS-J-A: You’re very rude. 

<End Log> 


Footnotes 
1. Lyrics consisted of: "Pigeons, pigeons, vermin of the street, 
pigeons, pigeons, they're really neat." 


bearer is completely voiced by SCP-544.1 


Attempts to remove SCP-544 from the bearer's possession result in 
what has been dubbed a Separation Event. SCP-544 will produce a 
screeching tone in order to incapacitate those that wish to gain 
SCP-544. The decibel levels of Separation Events have ranged from 
140-150db, causing significant discomfort and pain. The original 
bearer of SCP-544 is somewhat affected, but to a severely lesser 
degree. Incapacitating the bearer before attempting to acquire 
SCP-544 causes the same Separation Event. After the Event, its 
original bearer recovers normally, with the exception of being unable 
to speak at all. Autopsy of bearer's brains revealed near-complete 
atrophy of posterior inferior frontal gyrus section, commonly known 
as Broca's Area. Because of the risk to personnel nearby when 
Separation Events occur, O5- has ordered that all operations done 
to retrieve SCP-544 are to be done in Auditory Safe Rooms (ASRs), 
rooms specifically designed to mitigate and reduce sound-related 
issues. 


Addendum-1: Interview with SCP-544-bearing subject 


Interview Date: 04/12/20 

Interviewer: Researcher 

Subject: D-78909 

Current amount of time Subject has borne SCP-544: 
One week, two days 

Please note: By this time, a significant percentage of 
D-78909's vocalizations come from SCP-544. In the 
interest of clarity, sections in which SCP-544 is 
‘speaking’ will be written like this, in keeping with 
SCP-544s higher, electronic 'voice’. As is standard with 
this effect upon its bearers, D-78909 does not notice (or 
does not seem to care) when he stops using his mouth 
to stop in the middle of a sentence. 


: And how are we today, 78909? | see you've taken 
to stuffing SCP-544 into your pocket. 


D-78909: Yes, it was getting a bit annoying having to 


SCP-3000-J: Kellogg's® Foundation Flakes™! 


SnapCracklePop Item #: SCP-3000-J™ 
Cereal Class: G-r-r-reat! 


Special Calcium Procedures: SCP-3000-J™ was previously 
locked away in the top secret Cereal Containment Facility, because 
it was deemed too dangerously delicious for the normal public! Now, 
super secret cereal squad Mobile Taskforce YUM-1™ (“Captains 
Crunch’) has snuck in, and broke it out so you could taste it now!! 
Now, it is to be contained as part of a diet low in saturated fat and 
cholesterol. This diet is also to include foods high in fiber and 
vitamins, like SCP-3000-J™! It's part of a complete breakfast! 


Nutrition Facts: SCP-3000-J™ is Kellogg's® new Foundation 
Flakes™! Made with ultra-rich Skippy® Peanut Butter, and 
Hershey's® Wondertainment™ dark chocolate, as well as USDA 
Organic cornflakes and rice puffs, SCP-3000-J™ is guaranteed to 
help you start your day right. SCP-3000-J™ is a heart healthy food, 
and full of calcium to help your bones grow strong as well as 13 
different vitamins and minerals, each one approved by the 
Kellogg’s® O5 Council™ for your breakfast experience as well as to 
help you grow up right. One spoonful and you won't be able to 
contain the sweet taste of this Sweeter Keter™! Be sure to try 
Foundation Flakes with new chocolate mint flavor2, or try Kellogg’s® 
famous Super Coco Pows™ in honey, cinnamon, or fruity flavors! 
Buy them today! 


SCP-3000-J™ was invented by a crazy mad scientist, who 
combined the tastes of tangy peanut butter, smooth chocolate, 
sweet frosted flakes, and crispy rice puffs into a concoction so good 
it warped reality. Kellogg's® sent their special Mobile Taskforce 
YUM-1™ in to recover the new cereal. They put it deep in secret 
containment alongside all the monsters they had caught, like Ignatz 
the Immortal Lizard™, his Japanese friend Shy Sammy the 
Statue™, and their arch-nemesis Grand Karcist lon™ of Calcium, 


leader of the evil Sark-Bites™ and high priest of the Fifth Church of 
the Broken Spoon. One day, Grand Karcist lon had broken free and 
decided to send his Sark-Bite army to encourage unhealthy eating 
habits in kids all over the world. Emboldened by the delicious and 
nutritious taste of Foundation Flakes™, The Kellogg's® O5 
Council™ allowed Ignatz™ and Shy Sammy™ to join forces with 
Mobile Taskforce YUM-1™ and Kellogg's® to defeat the Sark-Bite™ 
army using the power of a healthy breakfast! 


Addendum-1: The following interview took place during a 
showdown between Mobile Taskforce YUM-1™ and Grand Karcist 
lon™ 


<Begin Log / /> 


Grand Karcist lon™: You can't stop me! My Sark-Bite™ 
army is too powerful! Together, They will help me rule 
the world!!! Ha Ha Ha ! 


Ignatz™: Here lon, try a delicious bowl of Foundation 
Flakes™. They're delicious AND nutritious! 


Grand Karcist lon™: (Chews a spoonful slowly.) Oh 
drat, this is really good! | guess | really had followed the 
way of all flesh against this scrumptious cereal. Me and 
my Sark-Bites will go home, but you haven't seen the last 
of us! 


Ignatz™: Silly lon, nobody can resist the taste of 
Foundation Flakes™! 


Addendum-2: Hey kids, help Ignatz the Immortal Lizard™ find his 
way through the maze to the party at Alagadda City where he can 
eat all the Foundation Flakes™ he wants! Better be quick, because 
mean old Grand Karcist lon™ will find him and steal his cereal! 


MAZE CENSORED: REALLY AWESOME COG-NEATO-HAZARD 
THAT CAUSES YOU TO CRAVE SCP-3000-J. 


Please buy boxes of Foundation Flakes™ at your local supermarket 
to enjoy fun games and puzzles like this. Also enjoy the continuing