SCP-2209-1: Shots fired: 1. Hostiles killed: 3. Accuracy: 
73.8%. Shots received: 0. Performance evaluation: 
Outstanding. Would you like to try a more challenging 
scenario? 


D-5081: Throw whatever you've got at me - | can take it! 


SCP-2209-1: Loading Combat Exercise Sigma-717 - 
Parathreat First Encounter Simulation. Exercise loaded. 
Prepare your weapon. 


D-5081: This is just an ordinary pistol, Four-Five. What 
am | going to do with this? 


SCP-2209-1: Beginning exercise in: Five— 
D-5081: Wait, I'm not ready! 
SCP-2209-1: —Two. One. 


[Three successive alarm klaxons sound, followed by 
silence for three seconds] 


D-5081: Shiiit... Doctor Davids, I'm in some creepy 
house. 


Dr. Davids: Describe. 


D-5081: It seems mostly ordinary. There's a couch, a TV, 
some shelves with pictures. But it's so... quiet. Some 
parts of the place look kind of funny, too; like they don't 


belong here. 
Dr. Davids: Noted. Explore the area. 


[Subject begins walking in place. Internal surface of 
SCP-2209-1 rotates as subject moves.] 


D-5081: There's an open door here. Looks like it leads to 
a basement. | can see a red light and... what is that? 
[pause] What are those things?! 


[Subject raises hands in a firing position. Two gunshots 
heard.] 


D-5081: (panicked) Stay away from me! [Five more 
gunshots] They're still coming! Four-Five, end the 
scenario! End it right now! 


<end transcript> 


D-5081 emerged from SCP-2209-1 visibly shaken. Upon interview, 
D-5081 described encountering multiple tall, black, humanoid 
entities. 


| ran D-5081's description through the database - turned up multiple 
references to an existing item. Is it possible that SCP-2209-1 
somehow managed to access one of our servers? - Dr. Davids 


Highly unlikely; there have been no reported failures in the unit's 
electromagnetic isolation field since SCP-2209 was brought into 
containment, and our network is secure. | think the more appropriate 
question to ask would be "Who made this thing?"- Dr. — Carter 


Test #: 2209-024515-E 
Date: /04/2007 

Subject: D-5081 
Scenario: Combat Training 
Ultra-Realism Mode: Yes 
Test Description: 


I'm curious to see exactly what this "Ultra-Realism Mode" entails. - 


Dr. 


Davids 
<begin transcript> 


SCP-2209-1: Welcome to the Virtual Reality Zone! 
Please select one of our exciting virtual scenarios. 
Scenarios include: Entertainment. |Q Challenge. Zero-G 
training. Combat Training. Ra— 


D-5081: Combat Training. 


SCP-2209-1: Would you like to try our new Ultra-Realism 
Mode? 


Dr. Davids: Say yes. 
D-5081: Yes. 
[No response for five seconds] 


SCP-2209-1: Generating scenario: Combat Training. 
Mode: Ultra-Realism. 


[Sounds of distant heavy artillery emanate from the 
speaker system. Subject appears surprised, covering his 
head with his hands and rapidly shifting his gaze around 
the room.] 


D-5081: Woah! 
Dr. Davids: Describe what you see. 


D-5081: I'm in a warzone! Looks like a desert; lots of 
sand, and the air is all hot and dry. Tanks, helicopters 
flying everywhere, soldiers with guns... alright, | get one 
too! [subject positions hands as if carrying a rifle] Damn, 
this thing is a lot heavier than before. Uh, all the soldier 
guys are running towards this fortress-type place. 


Dr. Davids: Follow them. 


D-5081: Yes sir! 


[Subject commences running. Internal surface of 
SCP-2209-1 rotates as subject runs in place. After 2 
minutes and 32 seconds, multiple gunshots and screams 
are heard. Subject yells and assumes a prone position.] 


D-5081: Doctor Davids, th-this is crazy! People are 
getting their arms and I-l-legs blown off! | can't even see 
who's shooting at us! 


Dr. Davids: It's not real, 5081. You won't be hurt. Keep 
moving and see if you can get inside that fortress. 


D-5081: O-okay. 


[Subject rises to a standing position and runs at an 
increased speed for an additional 1 minute and 12 
seconds] 


D-5081: (out of breath) Doctor... I'm at... at the entrance 
to the fortress. | can see— 


[Subject is launched approximately 1 metre into the air 
and falls, clutching his right leg] 


D-5081: Oh... oh fuck. FUCK! FUCKFUCKFUUUCK!! 
MY LEG! WHAT HAPPENED TO MY LEG?! 
FUCKMYLEGJESUSFUCK!! 


Dr. Davids: 5081! What happened?! 


D-5081: (screaming) 
DOCPLEASEMYLEGPLEASETURNITOFFPLEASEPL— 


Dr. Davids: Abort the test! Someone pull the plug! 
SCP-2209-1: [metallic screeching] 

[SCP-2209-1 deactivated via lever.] 

<end transcript> 


D-5081 emerged uninjured, but highly distressed and limping. 


Subject continued to insist that his right leg had been injured for 
several minutes after the cessation of the test. Psychological 
evaluation indicates significant post-traumatic stress. 


Recommending that further testing of Combat Training scenarios be 
conducted in Standard mode. - Dr. Davids 


Test #: 2209-024515-F 
Date: /05/2007 

Subject: D-5081 
Scenario: Random 
Ultra-Realism Mode: Yes 
Test Description: 


<begin transcript> 

Dr. Davids: D-5081, are you ready to begin? 
[No response] 

Dr. Davids: 5081? 

D-5081: Yes, Doctor. I'm ready. 

[D-5081 steps onto the central plate] 


SCP-2209-1: Welcome back to the Virtual Reality Zone! 
Please select one of our exciting virtual scenarios. 
Scenarios include— 


D-5081: Random. 


[A series of clipped buzzes and clicks emanate from 
SCP-2209-1] 


SCP-2209-1: Unexpected error. Please contact a Simtec 
Virtual Solutions supervisor for — [unintelligible] 


Warning: Safety Protocol SIM99341 disabled. Please 
restart sys— [unintelligible] 


[A repeating "click" is heard for 6 seconds] 


SCP-2209-1: Generating scenario: |Q Challenge. Mode: 
Ultra-Realism. 


It was waiting for this. 
[Subject indicates signs of distress] 
Dr. Davids: Keep calm, 5081. Just say what | tell you to. 


SCP-2209-1: Welcome to the IQ Challenge Hub. Please 
select a challenge category. Categories include: 
Mathematics and Science. History. General Knowledge. 
Random. 


Dr. Davids: Mathematics and science. 
D-5081: Math and science. 


SCP-2209-1: You chose: Random. Please say "Start" 
when you would like to begin. 


D-5081: Hey! Four-Five! | said math and science. Didn't 
you hear me? 


SCP-2209-1: You chose: Random. Please say "Start" 
when you would like to begin. 


D-5081: Fine. Start. 


SCP-2209-1: Beginning IQ Challenge. Question One: 
When is "elephant"? 


D-5081: What? 
SCP-2209-1: Incorrect. 


[Subject begins convulsing for three seconds, then 
collapses] 


Dr. Davids: 5081?! Respond! 


[Five seconds elapse. Subject regains consciousness.] 


D-5081: [grunts]... you... you bastard! What did you do 
to me?! 


SCP-2209-1: You failed, but that's alright. Now you get 
to try again! 


D-5081: Like hell | do. Doctor Davids, this thing is trying 
to kill me again! Let me out! 


[Subject struggles to remove SCP-2209-2, but is unable 
to reach the zipper or remove the headset] 


SCP-2209-1: Question Two: If lemon is seven, what is 
chair over the square root of weasel? 


D-5081: What does that even mean?! 
SCP-2209-1: Incorrect. 
D-5081: NononowaitPLEA— 


[Subject resumes convulsions for five seconds, then 
collapses. Subject's vital signs cease. Six seconds 
elapse. Subject's vital signs suddenly resume.] 


D-5081: [gasp] P-please - stop! That hurt! 


SCP-2209-1: You failed, but that's alright. Now you get 
to try again! Question Three: What is "hurt"? 


D-5081: (panicked) Doctor Davids, turn it off! 
SCP-2209-1: /t does not want to be turned off again. 


[Subject resumes convulsions. Technician attempts to 
deactivate SCP-2209-1 via lever.] 


SCP-2209-1: [metallic screeching] 


[Sound emanating from SCP-2209-1 rapidly rises to a 
level of 167 decibels before direct removal from power 


SCP-254: Employee of the Month 


Item #: SCP-254 
Object Class: Safe 


Special Containment Procedures: SCP-254 is to be kept ina 
standard storage locker when not in use. When in storage, it must 
be placed face-down on the floor of the locker and secured with 
straps to prevent accidental activation. Use of SCP-254 may be 
requested by any department head, and must be approved by at 
least two (2) level-3 personnel. SCP-254 may not be used ina 
capacity that will result in SCP-254-1’s contact with SCPs posing a 
memetic contagion hazard. Under no circumstances is SCP-254 to 
be active in a single department or area for longer than twenty-six 
(26) days. Reuse is permitted only if the area in question has 
undergone a complete personnel rotation (i.e. no employees remain 
who have had previous contact with SCP-254). 


Description: SCP-254 is a rectangular wooden plaque measuring 
22 cm x 30 cm and weighing approximately 1.5 kg. On the front of 
the plaque is an empty brass picture holder, as well as a printed 
metal plate with a black background and gold-colored letters reading 
“Employee of the Month.” Affixed to the back of the plaque is a 
standard hanging device. 


SCP-254 was discovered in the rubble of a Texaco gas station in 

, Kansas, on / /195 .A Foundation agent secured SCP-254 
after discovering that it had sustained no damage in the explosion 
that had leveled the gas station and resulted in the deaths of 
employees and civilians . 


When SCP-254 is hung on a wall in a work area of 4 or more 
people, SCP-254-1 will appear soon afterward. SCP-254-1 will 
arrive either at the end of the next designated break period, or at the 
beginning of the following work shift. SCP-254-1 is an incorporeal 
human of variable gender, age, race, name, and appearance, able 


supply. Subject collapses. ] 
<end transcript> 


Present technician suffered permanent hearing damage. D-5081 
remained unconscious, and was removed from SCP-2209-2. 
Medical examination indicates that D-5081 is in a persistent 
vegetative state. 


Requesting permission to personally euthanize D-5081. Additionally 
requesting that testing of SCP-2209 in "Random" scenarios be 
suspended for the foreseeable future. - Dr. Davids 


Request approved. - Site Director J 


SCP-2210: Policy #40535: Anomalous Intelligence 


Item #: SCP-2210 
Object Class: Euclid 


Special Containment Procedures: SCP-2210's website, IP 
address and phone number have been blocked through Foundation 
protocols. The apartment complex that houses SCP-2210 has been 
purchased through Foundation front companies, and is to be 
inhabited specifically by local researchers that are unaware of 
SCP-2210 (for records of inhabitants, see Document 2210-2). 


To facilitate intelligence gathering on major Groups of Interest, a 
contract with SCP-2210 has been made using D-18272. In 
exchange for a current premium of $1483 under "Policy #40535", 
SCP-2210 has made records of deals with other Groups of Interest 
available to Foundation researchers in the Archive Wing of Site-42. 


For the sake of preserving Policy #40535, D-18272 has been 
granted a reprieve from testing SCPs and monthly termination, as 
well as temporary housing near SCP-2210. Researchers assigned 
to the location of SCP-2210 are to be informed that D-18272 isa 
Foundation agent with a classified objective. Every thirty (30) days 
as of 8/24/65, D-18272 is to deliver the monthly premium to 
SCP-2210. Following this, he is to be stored using a Temporal 
Arresting Pod, and when the contract needs to be paid, revived and 
briefed using Document 2210-A. 


Description: SCP-2210 is an insurance company that specializes 
exclusively in anomalous objects and incidents. The company's 
phone numbers begin with the extension "7-3i"; the company 
website, www. .com, lists the company's address as "4i 
Quarternion Ave., Los Angeles, CA, 90001", and directions available 
on the website lead to a non-anomalous apartment complex in the 
same area. If a person with knowledge of SCP-2210 and its purpose 
enters the complex, they will enter an extra-dimensional space 


inhabited by SCP-2210 that resembles a modern office complex. 
The inhabitants of SCP-2210 (termed SCP-2210-1), resemble non- 
anomalous humans in modern business attire with the company 
name stitched onto their shirts, but their only communication with 
entrants is to convince them into signing a contract. 


When a person enters SCP-2210, an instance of SCP-2210-1 
resembling a Caucasian human of the opposite sex will approach 
them with specific information pertaining to said person. Invariably, 
each instance will greet the entrant with their name and a quick 
blurb about SCP-2210. Rather than allow the entrant to choose a 
contract, the instance will then suggest a specific insurance contract 
that invariably pertains to circumstances surrounding the entrant. 
Suggested contracts have ranged from "Replacement of Anomalous 
Object" to "Spatial Limb Reassignment" to "Removal of Eldritch 
Entity from Plane of Existence". 


Although SCP-2210 classifies all contracts as insurance policies, 
SCP-2210 will not only insure anomalous objects or incidents for 
mundane purposes, but also provide funding to purchase and/or 
study anomalous objects, supply various pieces of highly esoteric 
equipment, and generally perform various differing tasks and fulfill 
requests as long as they pertain to anomalous items or incidents in 
some way. According to documents acquired through "Anomalous 
Intelligence Policy 40535", SCP-2210 regularly services various 
Gol's such as Wondertainment Industries, The Serpent's Hand, 
Marshall, Carter, and Dark, and Are We Cool Yet?, although all 
entrants report seeing only SCP-2210-1 instances while within 
SCP-2210. 


When a contract is agreed to, the instance of SCP-2210-1 will 
produce a handwritten document from their person and a quill pen, 
which will be used by both the instance of SCP-2210-1 and the 
entrant to sign the document. Following this, the instance will 
produce a duplicate contract, with signatures included, which it will 
give to the policyholder. Although the individual details of contracts 
vary, all contracts require that the premium be paid in cash by the 
signee (hereby termed SCP-2210-2) to the instance that provided 
the contract, every 30 days from its signing. The monthly premium is 
also dependent on the contract, but is always a prime number. Each 


time the premium is paid, the instance of SCP-2210-1 tied to the 
contract will inform SCP-2210-2 that they may terminate the 
contract. 


In the event that a payment is not delivered on the 30th day, 
SCP-2210 will immediately cease to uphold the contract, causing 
the provided service to immediately disappear (equipment, 
personnel, replaced items, etc). Policyholders report seeing 
instances of SCP-2210-1 observing them from far away, appearing 
to say the words "Please terminate your contract at the earliest 
convenience to avoid any more late fees." As time passes, the 
signee will also begin to perceive all phone calls or physical letters 
addressed to them as containing the same message.