Notes: Side-by-side presentation of song lyrics in English, Latin, 
and English pronunciation guide to Latin lyrics for ease of 
comprehension. Latin lyrics fit original music with little deviation. 


Index #: 45-G 

Contents: Foundation documents written by Dr. on various 
SCPs. 

Notes: Exact replicas of documents lost during Incident 1326- , as 
well as additional notes by Dr. not present in the original copies. 
Index #: 46-G 

Contents: Autobiography of Dr. 

Notes: Life of Dr. recorded in great detail, recorded up to 
Incident 1326- , where it ceases abruptly. Includes a great deal of 
personal and private information about Dr. , including his inner 


thoughts about various people and events encountered during his 
lifetime, as well as private moments. 


Index #: 172-C 

Contents: Beginner's Guide to Memetic kill Agents, by 

Notes: Research Assistant Greene managed only to read past the 
words "Chapter One" aloud before suffering a grand mal seizure and 
dying of multiple brain aneurysms. All subsequent readings of 
SCP-1326 to be carried out by D-class personnel only. 


Index #: 263-F 

Contents: Pressed flowers of the Rosaceae family organized 
alphabetically by species name, then genus name. Every known 
genus of Rosaceae was represented in addition to several 
previously unknown variants. All specimens were bonded to the 
pages of SCP-1326 by unidentified means, and could not be 
removed or defaced. First recorded instance of SCP-1326 producing 
objects as part of its content. 


Index #: 45-E-45-G 

Contents: The Secret Lives of Centipede Nymphs, author unknown 
Notes: Documentary of the culture and religion of a species of 
sentient, semi-humanoid arthropods in their native habitat. Accessed 
by accident after inputting the incorrect index for Dr. 's notes, 


then inputting the correct index without opening SCP-1326. Inputting 
multiple index combinations into SCP-1326 found to yield different 
results than inputting either single combination. 


Index #: 1-A-1-A-1-A-1-A-1-A-1-A 

Contents: Are We There Yet?, author unknown 

Notes: The two sentences "Are we there yet? No." repeated exactly 
40,000 times. 


Index #: 12-G-12-C-7-F 

Contents: Fourteen Fun Knitting Projects, by 

Notes: An illustrated guide to fourteen (14) knitting projects written 

in a child-friendly format. Notably, illustrations and text indicate that 
people attempting said knitting projects will have eight (8) fingers on 
each hand. 


Index #: 9-A-10-C 

Contents: The Gentlewoman's Guide to the Perpetration and 
Proper serving of Castaway Squirts, by Lady of Derbyshire. 
No such individual has been historically recorded. 

Notes: A description of how to capture, identify from human 
castaways and prepare for human consumption creatures 
resembling SCP-1014. Also contains tips for ideal table settings 
while serving. 


Index #: 238-B 

Contents: User's Guide to HOGMA Knish-8 with Vapidity, by 
JASTRE019R45R0722-110 

Notes: User's manual describing the installation and capabilities of 
a piece of software (Knish-8) for a device (the HOGMA) which 
allows the user to genetically modify "hollow" (undifferentiated?) 
plant material to produce cultivated plants with desired qualities. 
"Vapidity" may be a form of digital rights management. Textual clues 
indicate authorship by a non-human (robot?) in the Canadian Nation 
of World Peace, Triumphant, in the year 112 (approximately 
2220-2250 by the Gregorian calendar). 


Index #: 35-A-35-B-35-C-35-D 

Contents: Moj ulubiony marsjanin, no author listed 

Notes: Transcripts of 15 episodes of My Favorite Martian (episodes 
1,5, 7, 17, 22, and 38-47) translated into Polish. Retranslation 


reveals the adaptation as highly faithful, save that all lines sooken by 
Ray Walston's character "Uncle Martin" have been replaced with 
lines spoken by Robin Williams's character "Mork" from Mork and 
Mindy. 


Index #: 180-C 

Contents: The Epic of Gilgamesh, one of the earliest surviving 
literary works known to man. 

Notes: Abridged translation of the original Babylonian script, written 
in modern English. Translation mostly accurate save for the removal 
of some descriptive lines deemed "redundant" by the editors. 


Index #: 111-A-111-A 

Contents: Engineering Blueprints for an unknown device, author 
unknown 

Notes: Visual blueprints for an elaborate robotic device, somewhat 
resembling SCP-753. Text exists but is not in any language which 
has so far been translated by the Foundation. 


Index #: 12-C-13-A 

Contents: Common Application Format for a patent from the United 
States Patent and Trademark Office (USPTO), by the United States 
Patent and Trademark Office (USPTO) 

Notes: Not filled out. 


Index #: 4-G-4-G-4-G 

Contents: Theological material of the Church of the Hanging God, 
author unknown 

Notes: Theological material for an unknown religious cult claiming 
that as life is suffering, all faithful should simply commit suicide to go 
directly to the afterlife. Notable in a difference from most suicidal 
cults, the document claims it is a sin to attempt to kill others than the 
faithful as a method of conversion. 


Index #: 9-A-10-B-11-C 

Contents: The Tale of Theadora the Teddy Bear, author unknown 
Notes: A children's picture book involving the adventures of an 
anthropomorphic teddy bear named Theadora. Normal apart from 
the ending in which a group referred to as "Secretive Creepy 
People" kidnap Theadora. 


Index #: 238-C 

Contents: The Disinfection and Sterilization of Prion-Contaminated 
Medical Instruments, author unknown 

Notes: 3 pp. pamphlet apparently adapted for public dissemination 
from original scientific research. CDC logo at top of first page, no 
other publication data given. 


Index #: 9-A-19-G 

Contents: Lifeburst, Jack Williamson 

Notes: Science fiction novel printed by Del Rey (October 12, 1985). 
Matches published version apart from an absence of page numbers. 


Index #: 222-G-222-G 

Contents: The Balled of the [UNTRANSLATED] Side, author 
unknown 

Notes: Apart from title, handwritten in [DATA EXPUNGED] on the 
inner cover, contents consists entirely of unidentified symbols 
vaguely resembling those carved into SCP-093 and illustrations, 
apparently produced via oil paint showing a vaguely humanoid 
creature wearing robes which prevent observation of details. Based 
on background details in said pictures, it is assumed that said 
humanoid is at least four (4) meters in height. 


Index #: 359-A-260-B 

Contents: Poetry about Fish™, FishWrite™ Corporation 

Notes: Assorted poetry regarding fish. Said poetry is generally of 
poor quality. 


Index #: 22-B 42-C 69-A 

Contents: Ballad of John Klaxtorfon[sic], author unknown 
Notes: Contents were completely incomprehensible, save for the 
title. Archived for reference purposes. 


Index #: 22-C 99-A 

Contents: 7,200 Ways To Die Involving Fire, But Not Involving A 
Lighter, author unknown 

Notes: A list of exactly 1,200 death scenarios involving fire. The 
word lighter, or anything pertaining to a lighter, was never mentioned 
in the list. 


Index #: 2-A-2-G-9-G 


Contents: Book of Long Shadows, author unknown 

Notes: A collection of rhyming poems expressing human misery. 
Several sections are prefaced with a warning not to read the poems 
within aloud. 


Index #: 1-A 

Contents: De finibus bonorum et malorum, Cicero. 

Notes: The famous section "-/lorem ipsum quia dolor sit amet, 
consectetur, adipisci velit" begins at page 7, with the "do" of the 
initial "dolorem" cut to page 6. The last page has a single phrase, 
centered: "factum est". 


Index #: 5-C-5-C-5-C 

Contents: Novomundus Transcontinental Railroad - Ticket Types, 
Novomundus Regent Board of Transportation 

Notes: Fourteen (14) differing types of railroad tickets written in an 
altered format of Latin. 


Index #: 12-A-13-D-1-G 

Contents: Twenty Flightless birds of the Ravelwoods, author 
unknown 

Notes: A guidebook referring to twenty (20) species of flightless 
birds. Apart from the common turkey, none are presently known to 
science, although if captured , and would be considered to 
require SCP classification. 


Index #: 17-F 

Contents: Lord Blackwood Meets The Dread-Mother, author 
anonymous 

Notes: Describes the encounter of British explorer and naturalist 
Lord Blackwood with SCP-597 or a similar creature. Surprisingly 
tasteful. 


Index #: 1-B 

Contents: Pest Control for the Imaginative Mind, D.|.Y. Adventures! 
™ 

Notes: A 32-page pocket guide detailing various non-traditional 
ways of controlling insect infestations. Of the 1,024 methods listed, 
only 533 were proven to be safe for indoor use. 


Index #: 5-A 


Contents: A heavily modified version of the Torah, written in original 
Biblical Hebrew. 

Notes: The Book of Leviticus is missing, Deuteronomy has been cut 
down and merged with Numbers. Genesis has been heavily altered. 
The story of the world's origins includes the creation of "wild men" 
alongside with Adam and Eve, a far larger emphasis on Lamech and 
his family and the extermination of the "wild men" by the hands of an 
entity named "Mit'har". The story of Noah and his ark is almost three 
times as long. The Nephilim are described in a far greater detail, and 
play an active role throughout the book. Copy of the book was sent 
to the Foundation's theological research department for further 
analysis. 


Index #: 4-B-3-G 

Contents: One Thousand and One Years, Ackerman 

Notes: Features 1001 short stories, all of which span exactly one 
year. Most stories follow the themes of captivity, torture and 
needless physical experimentation. About 800 of the stories include 
or hint at an all-powerful male character named "Ackerman". 


Index #: 8-C-8-D-8-E 

Contents: London's Many Secrets, Andrew D. Paull 

Notes: A tourist's guide to the city of London, published in 1899. 
Two of the book's chapters deal with secret underground complexes 
beneath the city. No such complexes were ever found, even when 
following the book's exact directions to them. 


Index #: 360-G 

Contents: A single untitled limerick about cats and penguins 
Notes: Reading the limerick induces gustatory synesthesia 
regarding the limerick. All readers have agreed that the limerick 
tastes like bacon flavored ice-cream. 


Index #: 297-D-253-F 

Contents: Young Alchemyst's Guide to Chemikals by Nikola Flamel 
Notes: Illustrated in the 17th century style and written in archaic 
French in a format apparently intended for 10-15 year old children. It 
describes the alchemical symbols and the chemicals associated with 
them, along with the Philosopher's Stone and a universal solvent. 
Notably, mercury is not mentioned, and its place is taken by silicon. 


Index #: 10-W 

Contents: Poo! Loop, author unknown 

Notes: A single page with the palindromic phrase "In words, alas, 
drown I" written in blue ink. When read aloud, the lungs of reader 
will begin to fill with water until the reader drowns. personnel have 
died, resulting in Dr. requesting SCP-1326 to reconsider the 
containment procedures, with a response pending. 


Index #: 360-F 

Contents: How to do the coolest stunt and impress all of your 
friends©, by John Fresh McKoolest 

Notes: Several pages filled with complex instructions for a single 
"epic" trick. All attempts at following instructions have failed due to 
manoeuvres that are thought to require the ability to manipulate 
time. Regardless of that fact, the end result is expected to be a 
"Front-side 360". 


Index #: 18-10-A 

Contents: Aframos Longjourney's Abridged Journal, Author's name 
is written in an unknown script. 

Notes: The story, about two individuals traveling through a 
seemingly anomalous forest, appears to be a parody of a larger 
work. 


Index #: 567-89-24-B 
Contents: 2,000 Things You Should Never Write, by Johana 
Gregorio 
Notes: Many pages filled with sentence and words from different 
known and unknown languages enumerated in line from 1 to 2,000. 
Reading such lines will cause no effect more than a faint dizziness 
in the subject, although writing them will provoke reactions that go 
from sudden decapitation to forgetting how to write at all. At the time 
of the experiment, no word has affected any person other than the 
writer. However, due to the dangerous nature of these words, Dr. 
joined Dr. request to reconsider the containment 
procedures of SCP-1326. Response is still pending. 


Index #: 42-E 

Contents: Esperanto translation of Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, 
by Douglas Adams. 

Notes: Translation has numerous errors. 


SCP-1327: Intelligence Switcher 


Item #: SCP-1327 
Object Class: Safe 


Special Containment Procedures: SCP-1327 is to be kept in High- 
Security Storage Locker J-21b at Site 19. Any further testing 
requires written approval from supervising researcher. 


Description: SCP-1327 is an English-language intelligence testing 
kit which superficially resembles the Wechsler Adult Intelligence 
Scale (3rd revision). It comprises nine testing booklets of varying 
sizes containing a variety of tasks meant to assess various 
components of intelligence, designated SCP-1327-1 through 
SCP-1327-9; a set of coloured wooden blocks intended for use in a 
spatial reasoning task, designated SCP-1327-10; and a pad 
containing instructions and scoring sheets, designated 
SCP-1327-11. 


The anomalous properties of the object manifest upon completion of 
any of the individual tasks. Within 500 milliseconds of task 
completion, both the test-taker and the person administering the test 
will lapse into a bilateral complex partial seizure lasting 
approximately 8 seconds, during which time EEG waves show 
temporal lobe activation consistent with . Upon emerging from 
the seizure state, the test-taker will have the capabilities of the test 
administrator in the domain of intelligence that was just tested and 
vice versa. Neither the test-taker nor the administrator claims to 
have any knowledge of an 8-second gap, and barring any radical 
change in intelligence, both generally proceed as though nothing 
unusual had happened (see Experiment Log 1327-1). 


The test materials themselves show overt differences from the 
standard WAIS-III as follows: 


¢ SCP 1327-1 (analogies task): No divergence from WAIS-III. 


SCP 1327-2 (vocabulary task): Several words are given 
nonstandard spellings. 

SCP 1327-3 (general knowledge task): In place of their usual 
content, all prime-numbered questions concern fairly obscure 
chemical and metallurgical knowledge such as the freezing 
point of mercury and the proportion of copper to zinc in brass. 
SCP 1327-4 (arithmetic task): No divergence from WAIS-III. 
SCP 1327-5 (numerical working memory task): No divergence 
from WAIS-III. 

SCP 1327-6 (symbol search task): In addition to the 
alphanumeric and Boolean operand characters used in the 
standard WAIS-III, the symbols used in this task include 
nonstandard symbols resembling alchemical characters used 
in the 17th-century Holy Roman Empire. 

SCP 1327-7 (digit symbol-coding task): see SCP 1327-6. 
SCP 1327-8 (matrix reasoning task): The numbers provided in 
the matrices are different from those in the WAIS-III, but with 
no obvious pattern. 

SCP 1327-9 (picture completion task): The provided pictures 
are line drawings which appear to represent scenes from The 
Chymical Wedding of Christian Rosenkreutz. 

SCP 1327-10 (block design task): The design which test- 
takers are meant to duplicate is impossible to achieve with the 
blocks provided within the allotted time, resulting in failure 
regardless of the test-taker's aptitude. 

SCP 1327-11 (instructions and scoring sheets): No 
divergence from WAIS-III, other than that scoring guidelines 
for the anomalous tasks are included.