On 01/ /20 , During an attempted capture of SCP-963 by Chaos 
Insurgency agents, Dr. Bright made use of 963's intrinsic capabilities 
to make fools of the attempted kidnappers. When Bright returned to 
his office, he found a monkey statue waiting for him. His office had 
been tidied in his absence, and everything filed away, which came 
as something of a shock for the naturally messy Dr. Bright. 


Upon further investigation, it was found that — despite the apparent 
tidiness of his office — all of his pens had been drained of all but the 
last bit of ink, and several important documents had been translated 
into Aramaic. 


Dr. Bright immediately began the usual testing of this new SCP, but 
found himself going nowhere, until Dr. Rights, as payback for 
something unspecified, smeared his desk with one half of a 
compound epoxy, and applied the other half of the compound to his 
utensils. At this point, SCP-050 vanished from Dr. Bright's office, 
reappearing in Dr. Rights' office, whereupon 050 began the cleanup 
again. 


After several tests, it became apparent that SCP-050 was easily 
contained, as long as no one outside the Foundation proved to be 
cleverer than the Foundation scientists. Of course, this led to many 
of the Foundation scientists seeking to claim the title of 'Most Clever 
for themselves. 


And thus began the "Great Researcher Prank War of ' . 


Memorandum 050-A: No good will come of this. — O5- 


Entry 1: Bright -> English 


Entry 1: Dr. English accesses SCP-705. 705 is allowed 
access to approximately one hundred pounds of similarly 
colored play dough. After several minutes 'conversation’, 
the new army retreats to the ventilation shafts. No 
footage of Dr. Bright's room exists, but several hours 
later Dr. Bright stumbles out, covered in little red welts, 
and red play dough, swearing and muttering. SCP-050 
transfers ownership to Dr. English. 


Entry 2: English -> Isendorf 


At11:30 pmon //_ , Agent Strelnikov is seen exiting 
his room in full rage, carrying a machine gun. Smoke 
pours from the open door of his quarters. 


Senior Researcher Isendorf is later found to be in 
possession of 050, proving that a good enough prank will 
attract 050's attention no matter the target. 


Entry 3: lsendorf -> Kondraki 


At10:25am //_ , Dr. lsendorf returned from a brief 
coffee break to discover a typed note sitting on his desk, 
rewritten here. 


Dr. Isendorf, 

It seems there was a problem with the Class-A 
Amnesiac you requested following your 
SCP-231 assignment. Please hop on the next 
plane leaving from the site, and wait until 
someone comes and picks you up so that we 
can get this all sorted out. 

Cheers, 

O5- 


Despite factual and stylistic errors in this note 
(inappropriately informal style, the fact that there is no 
Overseer 3.14), Dr. Isendorf apparently took the note 


seriously and became highly distressed. Dr. Isendorf 
boarded the next airplane leaving Site-23, which turned 
out to be a regularly scheduled flight travelling to Site-19. 


Dr. Isendorf apparently did not realize this until landing, 
at which point he still waited over eight hours outside the 
site, before a guard found him and asked him what he 
was doing. Dr. lsendorf soon confirmed that he had 
never been asigned to SCP-231, and quickly worked out 
what had happened. 


SCP-050 was observed in the office of Dr. Kondraki later 
that same day. 


Entry 4: Kondraki -> Kald 


At 7:28 pm, / /2009, Dr. Kondraki was called away by 
Assistant Researcher Haus, under the pretense of a 
SCP-173 containment breach. Security cameras 
recovered footage of the ensuing prank. 


Upon returning to his office, Kondraki pauses briefly 
when he reaches his door. Moments later, he is seen 
backing slowly out of his office, keeping his eyes fixed on 
something inside. 


It was later revealed that Dr. Kald had placed a replica of 
SCP-173 in Kondraki's office, positioned in such a way 
that it faced the door, establishing "eye contact" with 
whoever might enter the room. Kondraki continued to 
retreat until slipping on a hitherto unnoticed puddle of 
cooking oil. 


The replica of SCP-173 (made of wire frame, papier 
mache and spray-paint) was relocated to Doctor Josef 
Kald's office, shortly followed by SCP-050. 


Entry 5: Kald -> Yoric 


Upon returning to his office on //2009, Dr. Kald was 
surprised to find the statue replaced with a note, reading: 


"| can't believe no one's thought of this!" The statue was 
later located in the staff locker of Agent Yoric, who had 
simply stolen it. 


Entry 6: Yoric -> Kald 


Statue returned to Kald. Yoric's living space in utter 
disarray. Agent Yoric is found unconscious, the words 
"TO BE EARNED" tattooed on his forehead through 
unknown means. 


Entry 7: Kald -> Light 


From / /2009to / /2009, maintenance teams were 
called twenty-seven times to Dr. Kald's office while he 
was out, all having received orders to install, repair, or 
remove a piece of furniture from the office, apparently at 
random. Dr. Kald became increasingly paranoid about 
these intrusions, considering his possession of SCP-050, 
andat : of / /2009, decided to bring his paperwork 
and the SCP back to his quarters and work from there. 
Upon entering his quarters, Dr. Kald was doused by the 
contents of a bucket carefully balanced on the entrance's 
doorjamb. 


Ownership of SCP-050 changes to Dr. Light. 
Entry 8: Light -> Coleman 


On / /2009, Dr. Coleman was seen pinning a notice to 
the breakroom notice board which read, "Due to the 
effects of SCP- all personnel who have received an 
amnesiac of any kind within the past six months are 
required to report to Dr. Light immediately." This was 
signed and notarised by no fewer than 17 members of 
O5 command and senior staff. After seeing this an email 
was immediately sent out retracting the information and 
causing mass panic among some of our more paranoid 
employees. After what can only be described as a "bum 
rush" on Dr. Light's newly refurbished office resulting in 
the destruction of many items contained within, SCP-050 


was found on Dr. Coleman's desk. 
Entry 9: Coleman -> Okagawa 


On / /2009, Dr. Coleman was called out of his quarters 
by an email from an unknown source. Five minutes later, 
security footage showed Dr. Okagawa entering 
Schumacher's quarters, carrying a bag with unknown 
contents, and leaving the room a few minutes later 
without the bag. 


Upon returning, Coleman discovered a dead rodent 
which appeared to have been slathered in the secretions 
of SCP-447. Personnel in adjacent rooms reported 
hearing a stream of profanity, followed by a thud. 
Worried researchers found him passed out on the floor, 
while the slime was later identified as green gelatin from 
the kitchen, and the "dead rat" as a rubber toy. 


SCP-050 was later found in Dr. Okagawa's office. 
Entry 10: Okagawa -> Chepelskii 


Video Log: / /2009, 12:34 PM. Dr. Okagawa leaves for 
the cafeteria (presumably for lunch/late breakfast). 
Researcher Chepelskii is seen entering Dr. Okagawa's 
office, carrying several testing vials and SCP-_. Left the 
office five minutes later, closing the door behind him 
rather hurriedly. 


Okagawa returns ten minutes later, opens the door, and 
is snagged by a large tentacle which pulls him into the 
office and shuts the door behind him. 


A security team is dispatched to Okagawa's office, and 
discovers him entangled by a giant squid. The team is 
seen trying to neutralize the cephalopod and free 
Okagawa. The animal's remains were subsequently 
destroyed. 


SCP-050 has been located in Researcher Chepelskii's 


office. 


Entry 11: Chepelskii -> Jones -> Chepelskii -> Jones - 
> Bright 


Entry 11-1: 


On / /2012 Researcher Chepelskii came into work at 
approximately 0800 and promptly received a pie in the 
face, courtesy of Project Director Jones. 


SCP-050 was found on Project Director Jone's desk later 
that afternoon. 


What? That wasn't original at all! -Dr. Bright 
Entry 11-2: 


On / /2012 Project Director Jones reported to his post 
researching SCP-_ . Upon entering the facility he was 
met by Researcher Chepelskii, who threw two pies at his 
face. 


SCP-050 was found in Researcher Chepelskii’s office 
ten minutes later. 


Entry 11-3: 


On / /2012 Chepelskii entered his office to find Project 
Director Jones waiting for him with three pies, which he 
promptly threw at the researcher’s face. 


SCP-050 appeared in Jones' workplace that evening. 
Guys, | think we broke it. - Project Director Jones 
Entry 11-4: 


In the middle of the work day, Dr. Bright entered Jones' 
research lab with four pies, which he threw in his face. 

As he was leaving security footage records him saying 

“This better not fucking work!” 


SCP-050 was on Dr. Bright’s desk upon his return. 


Notes: 

God DAMMIT - Dr. Bright 

Okay. No more fucking pies, alright? - Project Director 
Jones 


Entry @#: Bright -> SCP-732 


On / / 2012, an error occurred in the Foundation Main 
Database, reassigning System Technician Kent to a 
squad dea #&@Stoping teh dred lord asaTofh!!1! 
\)##*@gside the cleaning crews. During the /(*@seging 
of castul helfire*!(#gnment, Joshua Kent was ordered to / 
+= '~Save th princes aShlye from the barron Blakstaf!!1 1! 
2!{\@(aw sewage, with several gallons of feces, 
43~_>,GOLD AND PLATINUM$9(=1#on his head. 


During the second half of the assignment, /O&@Sir Ketn 
and his freinds the magikal night bob*!! had to test 
several *%@# super majick wepons!)!$ despite the odor. 
During this time, a routine system sweep had found a(@ 
$!barrel of pur AWESUMNESS@$%@ in the Database. 
Despite the numerous nearby systems that could have 
been infected, SCP!)$@- 1337 fout the dred lord ona 
volcanno!!1@(%* concerning System Technician Kent's 
assignment. 


System Technician Kent was returned to Site 23 largely 
unharmed. SCP-050 was discovered sitting by a hard 
drive heavily infected with SCP-732, with the statue 
seeming to consider the virus its new "owner." 


Entry 13: [DATA EXPUNGED] 
[DATA EXPUNGED] 
Entry 14: [DATA EXPUNGED] 
[DATA EXPUNGED] 


Entry 15: SCP-732 -> Light 


On / /2012, Dr. Light connected the SCP-732-infected 
hard drive to a scanner, and asked 732 if it could 
produce "LOLCAT" images on request. Its response, 
presented in the form of an 8000-word erotic story 
featuring itself (in the form of aman named "Lord 
Kickass"), Dr. Light, and [REDACTED], was that with the 
help of SCP-050 it can do anything. 


Dr. Light provided SCP-732 with scanned photographs of 
SCP-577, SCP-529, SCP-607, and two instantiations of 
SCP-331. SCP-732 produced 10 "LOLCAT" images for 
each photograph. 


Dr. Light then provided SCP-732 with SCP-637 in the 
form of a drawing by SCP-637-2. As a result of this, 
SCP-732 was rapidly overwritten with an estimated 

63 GB of text describing SCP-637's actions and 
appearance; whether this information could have filled all 
available computer memory is unknown, as the last 
actions of the "Lord Kickass" instantiation were to induce 
total mechanical failure to its hard drive, accompanied by 
catastrophic uncontrolled oxidation. 


SCP-050 was found in Dr. Light's office the next 
morning. 


Note: SCP-637-2 reports that SCP-637 was not harmed 
by its venture into SCP-732, but that its fur was "really 
messed up". 


Note: Other copies of SCP-732 seem unaffected by the 
suicide of "Lord Kickass". 


SCP-051: Japanese Obstetrical Model 


Item #: SCP-051 
Object Class: Safe 


Special Containment Procedures: SCP-051 and SCP-051-A are 
to be kept in a sealed containment facility. SCP-051-A is kept within 
a locked, climate-controlled document box with a viewing window, to 
prevent degradation of its material. Any personnel (with the 
exception of pregnant or non-sterile female personnel, who might 
not be aware of an early-stage pregnancy) may access SCP-051 as 
long as a request is placed before-hand and cleared by site 
administration. 


Description: SCP-051 is a 25 cm (10 in) anatomically correct model 
of a human female, carved out of ivory, with typically Asian features. 
Microscopic analysis shows that the head hair is human hair. The 
doll is jointed at the shoulders, hips, and knees. The 'stomach' area 
of the doll is fully removable as a 'cap' of ivory, exposing a detailed 
ribcage and organs, and a 2.5 cm (1 in) ivory fetus connected to the 
main figure by a leather cord umbilicus. 


When brought into the presence of a pregnant human female, 
SCP-051 has various deleterious effects upon the pregnancy, 
generally resulting in miscarriage of the fetus. Reports include a 
gentle compulsion to handle the model, open its stomach cap and 
take out the fetus. This results in nausea and cramping within 5 
minutes, vaginal bleeding that begins as spotting and may progress 
to hemorrhage within the next half-hour, and miscarriage within 2 - 
24 hours in most recorded cases. Medical records indicate that the 
aborted fetuses bear moderate to severe defects. Pregnancies 
carried to term after exposure to the model have resulted in severely 
deformed live births, including deaths of the mothers and _ infants 
terminated after birth by the delivering physician (see interview 
051-1 below). Witnesses to these live births showed signs of severe 
emotional trauma that was alleviated, after Foundation interviews, 


by administration of a Class A amnestic. 


SCP-051-A is a fragment of text on rice paper that was discovered 
with SCP-051. The surviving text is written with plant-derived ink 
test-dated to the 12th century, and the characters have been 
identified as a known early dialect of Japanese. Translation reveals 
the text is part of a prayer or spell against ‘demons’ that attack 
unborn babies. The incantation orders these forces or demons into 
the model, instead of a pregnant woman, and claims to trap them 
there. However, centuries have degraded the paper and ink so that 
the full incantation and instructions, if any, cannot be deciphered. 


Addendum: SCP-051 and SCP-051-A were discovered in a box of 
early Japanese artifacts delivered anonymously to the 

Museum in 1938. After 60 years and a number of incidents resulting 
from contact by female secretaries, researchers, and students, an 
Agent on staff in the museum's archives learned of its properties 
and obtained it for Foundation study. 


Interview 051-1 


« SCP-050 | SCP-051 | SCP-052 » 


Interview 051-1 


Interview 051-1 
Interviewed: Dr. David Ehrenfeld 
Interviewer: Agent 


Foreword: Dr. Ehrenfeld was the attending physician at the death of 
MarthaR , museum, 02 January 1942. This interview was 
conducted off-site as Dr. Ehrenfeld was a resident of nursing 
facility; at the time of interview he was 95 years old and physically 
infirm, though retaining most of his mental faculties. A class "A" 
amnestic was administered after the interview. 


<Begin Log, October 20 > 
Interviewer: Thank you for seeing me, doctor. 


Dr. Ehrenfeld: You are welcome. | have outlived most people who 
would care to hear such stories. Then again, they surely would have 
thought | was telling lies, or slipping into dementia. Now, you may 
think the same, but at my age, | do not care [thin laughter]. 


Interviewer: Can you tell me what you remember of the events of 
January second, 1942? 


Dr. Ehrenfeld: It was...an ugly day. Cold and ugly. canbea 
wonderful city sometimes, but winter is a bad season. It was late in 
the evening when my housekeeper told me | had been called. | was 
tired, but... a birth is always a wonderful experience. | thought it 
would cheer me. [coughing; sound of the doctor sipping liquid] 


| had a nurse with me, but the girl never came back to my office after 
that night. 


Fifteen minutes, perhaps, for the cab to reach the museum from my 
house? I'm not certain, but | think so. The doorman was waiting for