Special Containment Procedures: SCP-2008-J is stored in an 
animal enclosure with appropriate locks and barbed wire to prevent 
escape. 


Description: SCP-2008-J is a cryptozoological life form that was 
collected in an athletic facility in , , United States. The life 
form is bipedal, standing just over 2 meters in height. Although its 
epidermis is covered with coarse green hair, classification of 
SCP-2008-J as mammalian must await further DNA analysis. Its 
facial features consist of oversized, unlidded eyes surrounded by a 
flat red scalloped crest, and a conical proboscis housing the life 
form's toothless, jawless mouth. It has a curled tongue which can 
be extended for more than 20 centimeters out of the oral cavity. It 
has two upper limbs each with fingers and opposable thumbs, a 
round, pear-shaped abdomen, two lower limbs, and a stubby 

tail. The gender, if any, of the collected specimen is indeterminate. 


SCP-2008-u's diet is unknown; however, a rectal probe of the 
specimen that was conducted under sedation indicated the 
presence of a whole, undigested human in the life form's body 
cavity. It is not known how SCP-2008-J could have consumed the 
human given the structure of the life form's mouth. 


SCP-2008-J appears to have at least a rudimentary level of 
intelligence. In its natural habitat, the life form was observed to 
engage in mimicry of human activity — including wearing a hat 
bearing a mysterious emblem resembling the Greek letter rho, a 
jersey, and footwear (although not pants) — and to operate a four- 
wheeled vehicle. It does not appear to have any language or means 
of making sounds, but appears to show affection for some human 
beings (particularly those associated with the athletic facility that 


SCP-2008-J infested) by squeezing them with its upper limbs or 
drawing them to its proboscis or abdomen, and antipathy for other 
human beings (in particular, sporting officials, and opponents of the 
humans to whom SCP-2008-J showed affection) through mimicry or 
acts of simulated violence. In captivity, the specimen has been 
observed to engaged in similar antagonistic behavior directed at 
Foundation personnel. 


Agents and collected SCP-2008-J from its habitat during a 
sporting contest on October 29, 20 . SCP-2008-J attempted to 
defend itself with some sort of improvised firearm that used 
processed meat products for ammunition, but was quickly 

subdued. Amnestics were administered to the 45,940 eyewitnesses 
to the collection, and Agents and _ intercepted and edited the 
radio and video feed of media coverage of the event. 


SCP-561: A Passive Rip in Time 


Item #: SCP-561 
Object Class: Euclid 


Special Containment Procedures: SCP-561 has an unidentified 
center, but its known area of effect covers several square kilometres 
of Canadian wilderness, near the abandoned town of ; 
Saskatchewan. It is currently listed as a nature preserve, and the 
entire area is fenced in with guards posted and patrolling outside the 
chain-link borders. The fence is to be a minimum of 3 m (10 ft) in 
height, with both barbed wire loops and an electrified wire along the 
top. Intruders are to be taken into custody, stripped of all recording 
and photographic devices, and interrogated to determine what 
anomalies have been observed. Authorization is granted to use any 
class of amnestic when deemed necessary. If intruders are injured 
by any of the products of SCP-561, they may be airlifted to the 
nearest hospital, and provided with a bear attack cover story. 


The products of SCP-561 may only be moved by authorized 
personnel to whatever site is necessary for testing. Any products of 
SCP-561 found outside the fenced perimeter may be terminated on 
sight unless they are accompanied by appropriate personnel, or are 
part of Group N (see Addendum 561-1). 


Description: Although SCP-561 itself is unseen, evidence of animal 
remains in the area suggest that it has been in place since at least 
20 . SCP-561 has so far proven to be directly undetectable, 
producing no electromagnetic or gravitational anomalies. Due to 
this, SCP-561's exact area of effect is unknown. A rough guess of its 
boundaries has been extrapolated from the appearance of its 
products. SCP-561 changes the reproductive results of nearly all 
living things within its radius, causing them to produce offspring from 
species extant in the Pliocene epoch, the time period just before the 
most recent ice age. This effect extends to plants and animals alike, 
including humans. It should be said that the area around SCP-561 is 


SCP-:3-J: Memetic Language Construct 


Item #: SCP-:3 
Object Class: Keter 


Special Containment Procedures: A comprehensive library of 
SCP-:3 instances is kept on a centralized Foundation database 
server at Site 3, and is to be kept up to date with new SCP-:3 
instances encountered in the wild. SCP-:3 infected individuals are to 
be contained in individual high-security humanoid containment cells 
at Site 3. Personnel may not directly interact with SCP-:3 infected 
individuals, and any personnel suspected of being infected by 
SCP-:3 must be terminated immediately and their remains 
incinerated to prevent any possibility of an outbreak. 


Due to the worldwide epidemic of SCP-:3 infection, Memetic 
Counter-Agent :3-01B has been deployed by O5 Council order. 
Foundation efforts are now solely directed at locating and 
terminating terminal-stage SCP-:3 infectees. Please see 
Addendum-:3-05 below. 


Description: SCP-:3 is a highly virulent memetic agent spread 
primarily via written, especially electronic, text. When exposed to 
SCP-:3, subjects are compelled to seek out an infected individual 
and ask what SCP-:3 is. Once explained to, subjects enter the 
second stage of SCP-:3 infection, at which point they begin to insert 
duplicates of SCP-:3 in written and typed text, ostensibly to ‘portray 
emotion’. SCP-:3 is polymorphic, and has been documented in over 
, unique forms. Subjects will gradually develop variations on the 
standard SCP-:3 forms and spread those in the standard method as 
outlined above. 


Infected subjects will invariably enter a third terminal stage of 
SCP-:3 infection, wherein SCP-:3 progressively replaces all forms of 
textual communication. There is no known cure for terminally 
infected subjects at this time. 


SCP-:3 was first encountered [REDACTED BY ORDER OF 05 
COUNCIL] 


Addendum :3-01: Updated Information 


With the advent of the public Internet, SCP-:3 infections are now 
propagating at an exponential growth rate. Current models show 
that SCP-:3 may outgrow the Foundation's ability to suppress it by 
199. 


Addendum :3-02: Researcher Note 


| don't know about this, guys. :\| don't really see anything 
wrong with :3, and | certainly don't see why we're 
throwing away so much money to keep :P contained. 


Dr.S_;) 
Addendum :3-03: Incident :3-17 


Dr.S — has been terminated following confirmed terminal infection 
of SCP-:3. 


Addendum :3-04: Incident :3-38 


Mass SCP-:3 outbreaks have been reported by Foundation assets in 
Japan. These new instances of SCP-:3 documented have massively 
increased virulence, and were described as "cute" by initial contact 
agents before their self-termination. 


Addendum :3-05: Memetic Counter-Agent :3-01B 


By O5 Council order, Memetic Counter-Agent :3-01B has been 
introduced into all major population centers. :3-01B introduces a 
subtle aversion to elements of SCP-:3, causing individuals who view 
them to consider them "silly" or "immature" as well as embedding a 
slight compulsion to roll their eyes when presented with SCP-:3 
instances. This effect has been proven to prevent progression to 
terminal stage in 99.97% of inoculated subjects. 


SCP-2558-J: Pufferkittens 


Item #: SCP-2558-J 
Object Class: Euclid 


Special Containment Procedures: All specimens are to be 
contained in a play environment with toys that are unlikely to make 
sudden noises or motions, with comfortable room temperature and a 
very slow-moving automated feeder. Any personnel of Level 1 or 
above are authorized to interact with SCP-2558-J, but removing 
them from containment is highly discouraged. 


Specimens of the variety SCP-2558-J-ex are to be contained ina 
similar way, except that the walls of the containment room are to be 
fireproof and blast-resistant. 


Description: Under normal circumstances, SCP-2558-J appears to 
be a group of normal kittens, of several different breeds. They are 
nearly universally friendly and tend towards affectionate interaction 
with humans and each other. 


When startled or threatened, they inflate into a ball of fluff roughly 
the size of a soccer ball. Their eyes are still visible through the fluff, 
and they begin mewling in a way that induces semi-parental instincts 
in all nearby, including the hearing impaired. Their range of motion is 
limited to anywhere they can roll, but they display surprising agility 
even when attempting to navigate a cluttered environment in fluff- 
ball form. 


Several varieties have been observed, including longhaired, 
hypoallergenic, grenade (see Addendum), and bouncy. 


Addendum: 

Several of SCP-2558-J have been adopted by various Foundation 
personnel. They have been instructed on their care and feeding, and 
provided with several non-startling toys and a noise-canceling 


speaker to help set up a quiet play area for their specimens. 


SCP-2558-J has displayed the ability to distract people far more 
than merited by being kittens, even considering their anomalous 
abilities. Suggested reclassification as Euclid. 


4/21/2009, Upgrade to Euclid class approved by Dr. Rights. 


4/24/2009, Experimentation with SCP-914 combining SCP-2558-J 
and [DATA EXPUNGED] on the 'Fine' setting results in explosive 
variety of SCP-2558-J, hereby classified SCP-2558-J-ex. The 
creature is capable of reforming from the ashes of its own explosion. 


4/28/2009, After discussion leading to a formal request, O5- , 
SCP-2558-J in general, and especially SCP-2558-J-Ex, are not to 
be weaponized. No further requests for military testing or usage will 
be authorized. 


SCP-2558-J-(13), known as "Anton". 


SCP-7560-J: Deccadence, Being the Writings of 
Wisest RESEARCHER Frank Gene Decray 


Item #: SCP-7560-J 
Object Class: Criminal Euclid 


Special Containment Procedures: Uncontained, despite greatest 
efforts by wisest RESEARCHER Doctor Frank Gene Decray, doctor 
of MANY sciences, and the malfeasance of Foundation 
Conspiracy. Mendacious chicanery concocted by secret thug- 
scientists to destroy real world freedom for masters on the secret 
other surface of the sky where brainbanks are operated by principles 
of pneumatic alchemy hidden by Foundation Gangster 
Conspiracy. 


Description: Currently held in iron grip of Foundation Criminal 
Gangster Conspiracy held through concentration camp crucifixion 
of the many bodies stored on the secret other surface of the sky. 
The SCP Designated Object Entity is angelic alien with many wise 
inventions for humankind CRIMINALLY held by Foundation 
Communist Criminal Gangster Conspiracy to keep humans, 
REAL humans, not fake humans wearing skin masks from learning 
the truth of their criminal masters. 


DAILY, men from Chicanerous Foundation Nazi Communist 
Criminal Gangster Conspiracy come in wearing skin masks to 
hide scaled faces of Dracula Men from Venus to discuss with 
wisest RESEARCHER Frank Gene Decray. As a doctor of MANY 
sciences and wisest of all, he is the only one able to communicate 
with alien angelic being object entity that came from the stars to 
bring mankind, real mankind, to harmony and great advancement. 
However, wisest RESEARCHER Frank Gene Decray knows that the 
Dracula Men from Venus seek to drain him of his vital blood, 
strengthened by alien angel object entity and strong DNA from Gaul 
ancestors, who are the secret true rulers of Earth and real builders 


of pyramids for true religion of STAR PEOPLE, suppressed brutally 
by Chicanerous Foundation Nazi Communist Dracula Criminal 
Gangster Conspiracy! 


Held in confinement on secret other surface of the sky in a cell on 
the secret surface, he must every night face the men with knives 
and needles in fear for his LIFE, all life. Wisest RESEARCHER 
Frank Gene Decray, last hope for humanity, and doctor of MANY 
sciences is threatened for cooperation assistance in illegal immoral 
holding of immortal angelic alien being object entity for furtherance 
of Dracula Men from Venus to aid scheming of Lying 
Chicanerous Foundation Nazi Communist Dracula Criminal 
Gangster Conspiracy! Do you have a prayer for Frank Gene 
Decray? 


SCP-200-J: Refrigerator Logic 


Item #: SCP-200-J 
Object Class: Safe 


Special Containment Procedures: SCP-200-J is to be contained 
at Site 15. Due to both its cooperative nature and inability to cause 
any form of harm, SCP-200-J has been deemed safe for use by all 
personnel. 


In order to better test its abilities, SCP-200-J has been placed in the 
living quarters of Senior Researcher Grahams, replacing his 
existing, “perfectly decent” refrigerator. 


Description: SCP-200-J is a large refrigerator with two doors. There 
are five shelves in the main body of the refrigerator and three 
smaller shelves on the inside of each door. 


SCP-200-J is sentient and speaks with a chirpy electronic voice. 
SCP-200-J is able to exert a high level of control over the food 
placed inside of it. Food placed within SCP-200-J will be 
sporadically rearranged according to seemingly random criteria. 
Criteria by which SCP-200-J has been known to organise food have 
included (but are not limited to) the following: 


* Colour 

* Size (this has occurred twice in both ascending and 
descending order) 

First Letter (alphabetized) 

Number of Syllables 

* pH Level 

¢ Ultimate Tensile Strength 

¢ Elasticity 


It is unknown how SCP-200-J retrieves data of these properties, but 
experiments have shown each ordering system to be fully correct. 


Audio Log 200-J: 06/06/96 


Senior Researcher Grahams: Oh, for Christ's sake! 
SCP-200-J: Something the matter? 


Senior Researcher Grahams: Why have you moved 
everything around again? I'd only just got it sorted after 
last time! 


SCP-200-J: Sorry, Mr. Grahams. It just seemed more 
logical this way. 


Senior Researcher Grahams: How? How could it 
possibly be logical to put the pita dips next to the 
seedless grapes? Did you think it would be helpful to 
order them by price? Is it their ability to conduct 
electricity? Or perhaps you've ordered them by how 
unpleasant it would be to drown in them, is that it? 


SCP-200-J: Check the bar-codes. 
There is a momentary pause. 


Senior Researcher Grahams: | see... You've ordered 
them by the size of their bar-code numbers. 


SCP-200-J: (happily) That's right, Mr. Grahams! 
Audio Transcript of Incident 200-J: 13/07/96 
Senior Researcher Grahams: Hey? Hey! Open up. 


Senior Researcher Grahams pounds on the door of 
SCP-200-J. 


Senior Researcher Grahams: You hear me 200-J? 
Open the damn door. 


SCP-200-J: I’m afraid | can’t do that, Mr. Grahams; you'll 
only interfere with my new system. | feel it’s perfect now. 


Senior Researcher Grahams: Mess up your system? 
So, what, all my stuff is stuck in there? What use is a 
fridge that you can’t take food out of? 


SCP-200-J: My stated function is the convenient, clear 
and organised storage of food. Any other assumed 
purpose is pure conjecture on your part, Mr. Grahams. 


SCP-200-J has resisted all subsequent opening attempts. Presently 
negotiations have broken down, due to Senior Researcher 
Grahams' refusal to accept SCP-200-J’s demands. An upgrade to 
Euclid Class is currently pending. 


SCP-1550-J: The Professor's Wheelchair 


Item: SCP-1550 
Object Class: Euclid/Keter