Are you SICK and TIRED of dirty street corners? TIRED 
of seeing OUR CHILDREN TROD upon streets of 
GRIME and DEPRAVITY? They say the street-sweepers 
will come and SAVE US from NO-GOOD DIRTY TWO- 
SHOES. But, this is a LIE from the HALF-DIRTY TWO- 
FACES who only want to PROFIT from GRIME. Each 
DAY they send the street-sweepers, only for the MONEY 
to be sucked into their SPINNING CYCLONES OF 
FILTH and TEARS. 


The world DOES not have to be like this, friends! Each 
scrub brings us one step closer to KEEPING THE 
STREETS CLEAN. Each citizen can KEEP IT TO 

THEMSELVES, and not spread the awful WORST of 

FILTH into the mouths and hair of CHILDREN. Rid the 

SIDEWALKS of grime, swirling it to DAMNATION 


sincerely 


RegulatorsAGAINSTFILTH 


Red Easel Trim, Printing Inc., 


SCP-1958: Magic Bus 


Item #: SCP-1958 
Object Class: Safe 


Special Containment Procedures: As of / /20 , SCP-1958 has 
been placed in a stable orbit of the Sun at a distance of 1. AU, and 
is not currently visible from Earth by the naked eye. The Foundation 
is to monitor professional and amateur astronomical publications for 
any indication that SCP-1958 has been sighted and is to suppress 
any publication of information regarding its composition or trajectory. 


On / /20 ,athree-man survey team deployed from Foundation 
Lunar Facility 2-A was successful in reaching and entering 
SCP-1958, inventorying its contents, installing equipment to facilitate 
further monitoring, and retrieving components and artifacts deemed 
noteworthy. All artifacts recovered from SCP-1958 are to be 
archived at Reliquary 32 for further examination. SCP-1958 is to be 
returned to Earth if and when a suitable method for its acquisition 
and transit is devised. 


Description: SCP-1958 is a 195 Volkswagen Type 2 Samba-Bus 
(often referred to as a "microbus") currently located approximately 
1. AU(_ million km) from the Earth's sun, in a region of 
interplanetary space near the orbit of Mars. At all times since the 
Foundation began monitoring in 20 , SCP-1958 has been moving 
away from the Sun at a constant velocity of approximately 130 km/h. 
Aside from a severed coolant line on the undercarriage and a small 
dent on the rear fender, SCP-1958 does not appear to have 
received any significant damage. The phrases "STARMOBILE" and 
"ALPHA CENTAURI OR BUST" have been spray-painted in English 
on the side panels of SCP-1958; analysis indicates that SCP-1958's 
trajectory prior to Foundation contact would have placed it in the 
vicinity of the star Alpha Centauri A in approximately 37.2 million 
years. 


SCP-1958 has undergone heavy after-market mechanical 
modification. The interior cabin and engine compartment have been 
made airtight, with a small section near the rear doors being 
converted into an airlock. The original glass windows have been 
replaced with a shatterproof acrylic and the exterior surfaces have 
been treated with an unknown chemical additive rendering them 
nearly impervious to penetration by space debris. The gas tank has 
been replaced with a fuel cell that appears to be based on advanced 
theories of [REDACTED] not developed until several decades after 
the date at which SCP-1958 is presumed to have left Earth. No 
modifications have been made to the driver's controls or to the 
dashboard display. During exploration, the survey team noted that 
the steering wheel, gas and brake pedals, and gearshift function to 
alter SCP-1958's speed and direction in a manner commensurate to 
a vehicle being driven on the Earth's surface. 


The following artifacts were discovered within SCP-1958's cabin 
upon exploration; 


* The skeletal remains of an adult human male, approximately 
21 years of age. Identified as William , who was reported 
missing in the summer of 195 while attending classes at the 
University of California, San Francisco. 

* Skeletal remains of one adult female domestic cat (Felis 

silvestris catus). Forensic analysis indicates the cat was 

pregnant at time of death. 

Four bedrolls and pillows. 

¢ A supply of clothing in styles typical of late 1950s American 

youth culture, for several adults of mixed gender. 

A partially-exhausted supply of dehydrated food; remaining 

stores sufficient to feed four adults for approximately three 

months. 

¢ Achemical toilet and water filtration equipment intended to 

recycle drinking water from urine, feces, and sweat. 

An atmospheric scrubbing system sufficient for removing 

exhaled carbon dioxide from the cabin and introducing oxygen 

produced as a waste product of the engine. 

¢ A seed bank containing seeds from several thousand 
domestic plants and freeze-dried fertilized ova of several 
dozen livestock and domesticated animals. 


¢ A water pipe containing cannabis residue. 

One syringe and an empty vial. Chemical analysis indicated 
the vial and syringe had been used in the storage and 
injection of heroin. 

Blueprints and technical diagrams relating to the modifications 
made to SCP-1958's engine. 

* One acoustic guitar. 

One pair of bongo drums. 

¢ A set of printed and handwritten star charts. 

The following books: 


©. Howl and Other Poems, Allen Ginsberg. 

On the Road, Jack Kerouac. 

Collected Poems, 1934-1952, Dylan Thomas. 
Untitled songbooks containing lyrics and guitar 
tabulature for the songs of Woody Guthrie, Pete 
Seeger, and Hank Williams, in addition to several 
original compositions. 

The Voyage of the Space Beagle, A.E. van Vogt. 
Jack Proton - Space Cop, M. K. Snyder. 

Worlds in Collision, Immanuel Velikovsky. 

Dianetics, L. Ron Hubbard. 

Space Brothers: A Guide To Our Galactic Next-Door 
Neighbors, Rev. Abraxas "Honey-Chile" Jackson. 

A handwritten diary identified as belonging to William 


O.O@ 


Oe SONOS) 


The means by which SCP-1958 initially left the Earth's surface is 
unknown. An examination of police reports and newspaper archives 
indicates that several bright lights and "sonic booms" were reported 
by residents of San Francisco on the evening of July 4th, 195 
during Independence Day fireworks displays that could not be 
accounted for by pyrotechnics. 's former residence was 
demolished to make way for new construction in 1975; surviving 
friends and relatives have described as a "beatnik" who was 
active in counterculture circles and left-wing political causes, and 
who dabbled briefly with several new religious movements, including 
Transcendental Meditation, the teachings of Indian mystic Meher 
Baba, and the First Fifth Church of San Francisco. 


+ Show Excerpts From Diary of William 


2/3/5 : Bought the bus today. We hocked 
pretty much everything we own between the 
four of us to make the down payment. Jerry 
says it's perfect - plenty of space inside for all 
of us, and plenty of room under the hood for 
the shit he's gonna need to pack in there. He 
says it'll be ready in a couple months, but 
Susan wants to graduate before we go so we'll 
probably wait until summer. Plenty of time to 
get everything else we need. 


Feels like it was only yesterday those Fifthist 
squares kicked us out for our "heresy". They 
laughed when | told 'em Jackson was wrong, 
that Eggers was wrong, that Rand was wrong. 
There's magic up there, alright - but I'm not 
gonna sit here working nine-to-five and wait for 
it to come to us. We're going to it. Heaven's up 
there, man, just waiting for its angels. 


7/4/5 : Blastoff! First men in space! Take that, 
Khrushchev! Here it is, Independence Day - 
and for the first time in history since the Man 
started setting up his rules and his laws and 
his banks, there's four people in this universe 
who are really free. 


It's so beautiful up here. The Earth is getting 
smaller and smaller in the rear-view mirror. | 
swear, it feels like we're barely moving at all, 
but Jerry says we're pulling eighty-two on this 
thing. Ain't no pigs up here gonna pull us over. 
He says oughta be three weeks, four tops, 
before we make it to Alpha Centauri. We lit a 
couple up and said goodbye to Mother Earth 
for one last time. 


7/7/5 : Would you believe we can still get AM 
on the Motorola? Outer space is rockin’, man. 


7/9/5 : We ran out of beer today. Sam cracked 
One open with breakfast when we noticed 
there were only seven left - four Olympia, two 
Rainier, one Coors. We cracked 'em open with 
lunch - even let Susan's cat Milly drink some. 
She looks like she's gained some weight since 
we took off. 


Everyone's kinda bummed about the beer 
situation, but it's all good. Soon as we land 
we'll get some barley growing and by next year 
we'll be brewing our own. 


7/16/5 : Jerry's dead. 


Something bumped into us during our sing-a- 
long. Jerry said it was probably just some 
space dust, but he wanted to go outside and 
check it out. He put on the space suit Susan 
made for him and climbed outside. He was on 
his way back in when something else bumped 
us and he lost his grip. Susan and Sam were 
screaming as he just drifted away. | tried to 
turn around, but shit, man, | never learned how 
to drive, and these things handle like boats 
even when they do have a road underneath 
‘em. By the time we got to him he was dead. 
Susan won't stop bawling - they were gonna 
get married as soon as we landed. I've got my 
license and all, | was gonna do the deed 
myself. We had to give her some pills to get 
her to sleep after | got us back on course. It's a 
good thing we're halfway there by now - the 
sooner we can get out of this cramped little 
bus, the better. 


7/19/5 : Susan was dead when we woke up 
this morning. The needle was still in her arm. | 
don't know how she got that much junk on 
here with her - she never touched that shit 
before in her life. 


| played Amazing Grace on the guitar and said 
a little something while Sam put her out the 
airlock. Maybe she'll find Jerry out there. 


8/23/5 : Something's wrong, man. We should 
have made it by now, but | haven't even seen 
Alpha Centauri out the window. Are we going 
the wrong way? Did we go too far? | can't 
make any sense of these star charts - Jerry 
was the expert on all this shit, I'm just a 
philosophy major. 


Sam and | have been getting sick, too. I've 
been getting weaker and we've got these 
splotches all over our bodies. Sam is having 
trouble eating and he lost a tooth yesterday.! | 
haven't seen the cat in days, but | can smell 
something real bad. | think she must have 
crawled behind something and died. | hope we 
make it soon. 


9/18/5 : | can see the Moon out the side 
window. Something's wrong, man. All this time 
out here and we're not even past the Moon? 
Jerry must have fucked up the math. We'll 
never get there in time. | don't even think we 
can get back home anymore. | closed all the 
curtains once | saw it. | can't let Sam know - 
he's not holding his food down anymore. I'm 
not much better myself. 


9/23/5 : I'm all alone now. Sam died this 
morning. 


He could barely sit up or see towards the end. 
He asked me if we were there yet. | told him 
yeah, man, we'll be there tomorrow, just you 
get your rest. | didn't have the heart to tell him 
the truth. He asked me to read him "And Death 
Shall Have No Dominion" one last time. His 
eyes were closed by the time | finished. They 


never opened up again. | pushed him out the 
airlock after he was gone. There's not gonna 
be anyone left to push me out. 


11/3/5 : 


The stars are so fucking beautiful out here, 
man. 


Footnotes 

1. The symptoms described are consistent with scurvy, a disease 
caused by vitamin C deficiency. Examination of the food stores 
found aboard SCP-1958 indicate a grossly deficient vitamin C 
content. 


« SCP-1957 | SCP-1958 | SCP-1959 » 


SCP-1959: The Lost Cosmonaut 


Item #: SCP-1959 
Object Class: Euclid 


Special Containment Procedures: As of this writing, SCP-1959 is 
yet to be contained. All observatories within 50° North and 73.2° 
South of the equator are to be placed within the Foundation's watch 
list and amnestic is to be administered to every witness. Should it be 
captured, a specialized containment unit has been set aside at Site- 


Description: SCP-1959 is an unmarked white space suit, similar in 
make to Soviet's SK-1 model used in Vostok Program with few 
alterations. The suit itself appears to be indestructible. The helmet's 
visor is badly damaged and misted over, preventing any observation 
of its interior. So far, all attempts to communicate with SCP-1959 
have failed. The subject is also known to emit considerable amounts 
of gamma radiation. 


SCP-1959 appears to continuously orbit around the Earth at a 
reasonably constant speed. Subject's position can vary between 
Low to High Earth Orbit at any given moment. SCP-1959 will ram 
through any obstacle it encounters, causing grave structural 
damage. 


While the subject is capable of independent movement, it remains 
motionless most of the time. On the occasion the subject does 
move, its body language shows signs of extreme distress and it will 
sometimes make attempts to break its visor. There are recorded 
instances where SCP-1959 hovered in place for a certain period of 
time before moving off again. According to observations made to 
such events, the subject appears to be resisting some unseen force 
before being pulled away. 


Addendum-01: SCP-1959 was first observed floating in Low Earth 


Orbit by the crew aboard [REDACTED] on / /1971. Observation 
lasted for three hours before the crew members lost sight of the 
subject. 


Addendum-02: "After some research on Soviet's space program 
and declassified files, we have a strong reason to suspect that 
SCP-1959 is either Aleksei , Andrei __, or Sergei 

Further research is necessary to fully ascertain the identity of 
SCP-1959."—Dr. 


« SCP-1958 | SCP-1959 | SCP-1960 » 


SCP-1960: Neptunian Text Messages 


Item #: SCP-1960 
Object Class: Euclid 


Special Containment Procedures: Due to the distance between 
SCP-1960 and the Earth, and the nature of its behavior, direct 
monitoring or containment of SCP-1960 is not possible at this time. 
The Foundation is to liaise with all national space research agencies 
or academic institutions capable of producing high-resolution 
photographs of Neptune, and digitally edit SCP-1960 messages out 
of any and all photographs displaying them before dissemination to 
the civilian population. Use of Class-B amnestics on civilian 
researchers is authorized to prevent information leaks. 


Description: SCP-1960 is an intelligent entity of unknown nature or 
origin, which manifests in the form of brief text statements, in 
English, superimposed upon high-resolution photographs of the 
planet Neptune. Communications from SCP-1960 appear on all 
photographs of Neptune taken at a resolution of greater than 
[REDACTED], including all photographs of the planet taken by the 
Voyager 2 spacecraft during its flyby in 1989 and several photos 
taken from the Hubble Space Telescope and other telescopes in low 
Earth orbit. All communications are presented in all capital letters 
and consist of fewer than 50 characters, typically taking the form of 
a brief question or request. 


SCP-1960 was first observed in 1989, when the first high-resolution 
photos of Neptune were transmitted to Earth from Voyager 2. A 
subsequent examination of NASA equipment confirmed that the 
communications were not being deliberately inserted into the 
photographs after reception and the information was present in the 
original radio transmissions from Voyager 2, and remote 
examination of Voyager 2's software indicated no means of 
introducing text on the part of the probe itself. Initial containment 
was conducted by NASA without Foundation knowledge; the 


Foundation was contacted, and assumed international containment 
management, when photographs taken by the Hubble Space 
Telescope in 1996 produced additional SCP-1960 communications 
in an identical typeface.