| got the house by the way, just in case. How lucky was 
1? Same as usual. It was perfect timing, also as usual, as 


| got word from some friends (and this is just a rumor, but 
you know how rumors are) that the jailers might be 
raiding someone soon, probably you.4 So I'd advise 
being prepared to bolt if things go to shit. Cim will set you 
up; he's moving stuff in right now as we speak. 


I'll be moving soon, | think. | grew up in this place most of 
all my life, and I'm sick of it. Time to be a loner 
elsewhere. Might not be on chat for a few days; I'll 
probably chill in the Library until L_G is able to clear 
enough of her place out for me to chill while | find a new 
place. Need to lay low anyway. The sooner | get out of 
here, the better. Bernie can be my last connection to this 
town. Hasta la vista, assholes. 


Document 3015-C: 


P.S. Here's your early birthday present. Not mine, but it's 
the sentiment that counts. 


hear is the lick 
Document 3015-D: 


So the safehouse is mostly cleaned out. | sent you 
Bernie, and now I'm gonna drop out for a bit in case the 
jailers somehow manage to find it first and see | sent it. 
It's cool; they won't know | sent it to you. For real though, 
| want you to imagine some poor Foundation guy testing 
to see how many ways he can climb up an asshole while 
his asshole friend goes off solving world crime and magic 
mysteries. | Know you literally, for real, absolutely, 
9001% never smile, which is also the reason why I'm 
sending you him. So you can imagine that happening 
and crack one. 


| think you'd dig the Library though; that sort of magic shit 
is right up your alley. I'm just there because it's 
convenient. And books too, | guess? When we meet up 
again I'll let you know how to join the magic club. 


While I'm typing out this shit and sending you a PM 
instead of just, you know, calling you, | should bitch a bit. 
Sometimes you feel like you don't quite fit into a group, 
you know? It's fucked, and | know this is to reorient 
myself and be chill and fine, the cool-ass dude in the 
group, but something's fucked with me that I'm not 
having as much fun with everyone. | thrive on that online 
social interaction but | didn't even get online all of 
yesterday. | consider uninstalling everything and just 
being a hermit; knowing how the Wise Karmic Gods That 
Rule Over The Entire Universe work, that'd work out 
wonderfully for me, which is why | don't do it. Fuck, too 
bare too quickly. Pulling out. 


Let me know what goes on in chat. If anyone asks, I'ma 
Juggalo monk now. See you when your house is clear, 
gaylord. 


Document 3015-E: 


Holy Heck! Here's the joke; Mr. Bernie Sanders by 
Gamers Against Weed! We already did the other Bernie 
thing, so fuck it, here you go. If you're gonna barge in 
there anyway, you might as well just not make a mess. 
Who is Dr. Wondertainment? 


Find them all and become Mr. Gamer! 


01. Mr. Literal Serial Killer 

02. Mr. Normie 

03. Mr. Bernie Sanders (W??) 
04. Mr. Get Anything For Free In Any Shop 
20. Mr. Sex Number 

21. Mr. Heavenly Virtues 

22. Mr. Deadly Sins 

23. Mr. Original Character 

24. Mr. D.A.R.E. 

25. Mr. Gentrification 

26. Mr. Mad About Video Games 
27. Mr. Meme 

28. Mr. Ominous (discontinued) 


29. Mr. Destiny 

30. Mr. Monty Python And The Holy Grail 
31. Ms. Zapatista 

32. Mr. Hax 

33. Mr. Just Has The Tattoo 

34. Mr. Top Text and Mr. Bottom Text 
35. Mr. Finale 


Document 3015-F: 


Video transcript recovered 02/12/17. Video titled 
goddamnyouvine.avi. 


0:00: [Shot of an open field, location unknown. Speaker 
hidden behind camera, presumably a cell phone 
recording. Speaker coughs and talks in a subdued 
voice.] Let's test this one, boys. Ahem. 


0:03: "Feel the burn." 


0:04: [Speaker is instantly transported to the safehouse.] 
Nice, now L_G gets to see his ass. 


0:06: [Speaker's voice is raised with excitement, though 
still at the same volume.] Just my luck. 


Footnotes 

1. Currently, only AO- ,AO- ,andSCP- are contained there 
due to their anomalous properties. 

2. Some similar phrases, such as "It's time to feel the burn" and "I 
feel the burn" also work, but not all phrases that contain it work, 
such as "You feel the burn" or "Let's feel the burn". 

3. This was not included in the original message sent, as shown by 
a document's revision history. 

4. While the exact date of this document is uncertain, the 
Foundation raided Pol-6870 ("bluntfiend")'s apartmenttwo months 
prior on 02/12/17. 


SCP-3016: Perpetual Motion Run Amok 


Item #: SCP-3016 
Object Class: Euclid 
Special Containment Procedures: 
+ EXPAND Standard Containment Procedures 


SCP-3016 must be stored within a vacuumized 
containment chamber that has been fitted with 
an array of permanent magnets capable of 
holding the object stationary in space, and out 
of contact with any solid surfaces. Two 
electronically actuated clamps must be 
installed, to be used as brakes with the aim of 
limiting the rotational velocity of SCP-3016 to 
500 rpm. This brake must be inspected at least 
once per week and replaced as needed. The 
second clamp is to be used to limit the motion 
of SCP-3016 while the primary brake is 
undergoing maintenance. These clamps must 
be connected to a backup battery, capable of 
maintaining the operation of the clamping 
mechanism for at least 24 hours without power 
from the Site's main generator. 


NOTE: By Order of the Deputy Site Director, the above containment 
procedures have been discontinued. Until such time as it is safe for 
them to be reinstated, the temporary measures outlined below are to 
be utilized instead. 


+ EXPAND Temporary Containment Procedures 


SCP-3016 has rendered Level 7 of Site-55 
uninhabitable due to extreme heat. As a 


temporary containment measure, all doors to 
Level 7 has been closed off, all elevators have 
been programmed to avoid stopping at the 
affected level, and thermal insulation has been 
applied in any essential stairwells passing 
through. All ventilation shafts connected to 
Level 7 must be redirected to lead outside the 
compound in an attempt to release the 
generated heat. Research into a means of 
reestablishing original containment is ongoing. 


Description: SCP-3016 is a highly-polished spinning top, appearing 
to be made of steel or iron due to its magnetic properties, that 
experiences rotational acceleration with no known force acting upon 
it. This acceleration varies wildly, from 0.5 rads/s? to [REDACTED], 
with no recognized pattern. The source of the required kinetic 
energy for this to take place is unknown. 


SCP-3016 displays incredible durability, and while materials testing 
has been limited, the object has yet to receive even minor abrasion. 
Long-term application of a speed-limiting clamp has yet to damage 
SCP-3016 at all, despite the need for the clamp to be replaced 
times since recovery. 


While SCP-3016 can be picked up and held immobile, it will 
continue to exert a torque on anything holding it in place. This 
torque, like the object's usual acceleration, varies wildly, and has 
been known to cause damage to any agent resisting it. Because of 
this, SCP-3016 can only be restrained for short periods of time. 


Addendum 1: Site 55 Containment Breach 


At0855 on / /_ , eight of Site 55's Keter-class entities were able to 
breach containment, causing a failure of both primary and backup 
generators throughout the facility, and resulting in the loss of 
personnel. While power was disabled, both the primary and 
secondary brakes restraining SCP-3016 shut down, and the object 
was able to accelerate uncontrollably for several hours. 


Upon the successful restoration of power to the facility, all escaped 


entities save SCP- _ had been recontained, with minimal further 
casualties. 


During the outage, all telemetry on SCP-3016 was lost. A 
maintenance unit consisting of two personnel is sent to look into the 
feasibility of restoring full containment. It is to be noted that due to 
the variable acceleration of SCP-3016, its rotational velocity at this 
point in time is unknown. 


Both personnel arrive at the SCP-3016 containment chamber, and 
reported that containment was stable, although not intact. The object 
was at this time suspended in space by the magnets, and it 
remained within a vacuum, but both clamps melted upon being 
engaged. Shortly thereafter SCP- was sighted on Level 7, and 
both personnel donned vacuum suits and attempted to take refuge 
within the SCP-3016 containment chamber. 


SCP- was able to detect the personnel, however, and managed to 
breach the vacuumized unit. The resulting implosion resulted in the 
destruction of much of the chamber itself, as well as the loss of both 
maintenance personnel and the apparent termination of SCP- 


Addendum 2: SCP-3016 Post-Breach Investigation 


At the time of the explosive decompression of the SCP-3016 
containment chamber, the object had already reached an unknown, 
but dangerously high, rotational velocity. Within five minutes of the 
collapse, the ambient temperature within Level 7 had risen by 10°C, 
and continued to rise from that point. 


The Temporary Containment Procedures listed above were put into 
place within five hours of the final breach. Three members of MTF 
Beta-7 ("Maz Hatters") were called in to examine the affected floor in 
greater detail. This team was supervised directly by Site Director 
Jacob Cole. 


+ EXPAND Audio Log: SCP-3016 Post- 
Breach Exploration 


[BEGIN LOG] 


Alpha: Command, this is Alpha. We're on 
Level 7, just in front of the insulation. 


Command: Acknowledged. Sound off. 
Alpha: Alpha, check. 
Bravo: Bravo, check. 


Delta: Delta, check. You got any idea what it's 
like in there, Command? 


Command: We know it's hot in there, but not 
much else. CCTV and about all other sensors 
melted a while ago. 


Alpha: Acknowledged, Command. Proceeding 
on your orders. 


Command: Beta-Seven, you may proceed. 
Alpha: We're moving into the red zone now. 


Delta: I'm reading over 200 degrees 
Centigrade, Command. You may have a bit of 
a problem. 


Bravo: And still climbing, but pretty slowly. It's 
a bit hotter over that way - guess we know the 
skip's still where it's supposed to be. 


Beta-7 personnel move for several minutes, 
following the temperature gradient to its 
source. As they approach, a reddish glow is 
visible down one of the corridors. 


Alpha: We have visual on the skip, command. 
More or less. 


Bravo: Yeah, that's some intense black-body 
radiation. 3016 must be spinning pretty quick 
to do that. 


Delta: We're actually getting pretty close to the 
heat tolerances on these suits. | read 400 
Celsius. 


Alpha: We're still pretty good for a while, 
Delta. They can take a little past 500 before 
they start to break down. 


Bravo: Hang on a second, is that... 


Alpha: Looks like it. Command, we've got 
positive confirmation that SCP- has been 
neutralized. 


Delta: Wow, charred to the bone. Don't see 
that every day. 


Alpha: Which means that over there must be 
what's left of the chamber. 


Bravo: Jesus, that's bright. Command, this 
skip has managed to heat the air by quite a bit. 


Delta: My thermometer reads - Wow, it's... 
uh... melted, actually. We should probably 
head out pretty soon. 


Command: Beta-Seven, get out of there. 
Delta's right. 


Bravo: Hold up a second. You all read the old 
procedures for 3016? 


Alpha: 'Course we did. 


Bravo: Didn't they say something about a 
backup battery? I'm not seeing one. 


Command: Beta-Seven, return to base, now. 


Alpha: Just one more thing, Command. The 
battery should be right about... there. But 


SCP-365: Pool Noodle 


Item #: SCP-365 
Object Class: Euclid 


Special Containment Procedures: SCP-365 is to be stored ina 
storage locker at Storage Site-23. SCP-365 must be kept away from 
any body of water except for testing purposes. SCP-365 is to be 
kept in its testing pool at all times. The door to the pool is to be 
locked and guarded by one security guard (See Addendum 365-02). 
Experiment requests must be approved by a Level-3 researcher. 


Description: SCP-365 is a green pool noodle made of polyethylene 
foam. By itself, it displays no unusual properties and is physically 
identical to a typical noodle of similar size. SCP-365's unusual 
properties manifest only when it is placed in a body of water. When 
a subject completely submerges in said body of water, they become 
unable to get out. 


Subjects report a sense of dread, and describe themselves in an 
infinite sea, swimming endlessly in a direction and finding only more 
water (see Audio Log 365-03). It is important to note that to outside 
observers, the subject simply seems to be flailing in place. 


The only way to remove a submerged person from the water is to 
remove SCP-365, negating its effects. All other methods of rescue 
have failed; cables and ropes have exhibited an unnatural 
resistance and snapped, drainage systems have failed, and human 
intervention has led to [DATA EXPUNGED]. 


Addendum 365-01: SCP-365 was discovered in ; ,on / 
/19 . Retrieval personnel found it at the Public Pool along 
with the bodies of civilians. Because SCP-365's properties were 
unknown at the time, agents lost their lives. SCP-365 was 
eventually found and removed from the pool, and carbon monoxide 
from an improperly maintained water heater was used as a cover 


there's just empty floor. 


Command: Beta-Seven, get out of there. 
That's an order. 


Alpha: Acknowledged. We've seen about all 
there is to see here. We're on our way out. 


[END LOG] 


After the Beta-7 team described the observed lax containment 
procedures in their final report, the Ethics Committee conducted a 
full investigation. After confirming that Special Containment 
Procedures had not been correctly followed, it was also discovered 
that several additional Safe and Euclid class objects had been 
contained improperly. 


The Ethics Committee requested an audit of the financial records of 
Site 55, and discovered that a portion of the funds allocated for 
containment were unaccounted for. A further investigation recovered 
paperwork implicating Site Director Jacob Cole, who later confessed 
to embezzling Foundation Resources for personal gain. Director 
Cole was immediately removed from office, amnesticized, and 
released into life as a civilian with no memory of his career with the 
Foundation. 


Research into a means of restoring containment to SCP-3016 is 
ongoing. CCTV Capability on Level 7 has yet to be reestablished. 


SCP-3017: Person of Interest 


Item #: SCP-3017 
Object Class: Euclid Neutralized 


Special Containment Procedures (Updated): Frasier Melbrook's 
cremated remains have been scattered over locations, all of which 
are under automated surveillance. The locations are stored in 
individual files under separate subdirectories under Level 
Clearance. Any attempt to access any of the files pertaining to the 
location of the remains, intentionally or otherwise, will automatically 
alert RAISA administrators. All personnel attempting to access these 
files are to be administered Class-A amnestics and removed from 
active duty for a period of no less than 2 weeks. 


If symptoms of SCP-3017-A appear in any Foundation personnel 
and persist following administration of Class-A amnestics, 
SCP-3017 will be redesignated as Euclid, new procedures will be 
drafted, and all affected personnel will be given further amnestic 
therapy on a case by case basis. Symptoms of exposure may 
include repeated or prolonged access to this file and related files, 
attempting to access files pertaining to the location of Melbrook's 
remains, attempting to access the remains themselves, creation of 
additional material related to SCP-3017, and any attempt to violate 
these containment procedures. 


Archived Special Containment Procedures, Void as of 1/1/20 7