Special Containment Procedures: SCP-1648 are to be keptina 
flame-retardant foam-lined humanoid containment chamber. The 
chamber is to be equipped with an exhaust fan in the ceiling for the 
removal of smoke. SCP-1648-A is to be fed 3 cuts of pork once 
daily. SCP-1648-B is to be fed 3 cuts of beef once daily. SCP-1648 
and their chamber are to be inspected daily for uneaten food; any 
found is to be discarded. Personnel are not to bring extraneous 
materials into the containment chamber outside of scheduled 
testing. Personnel are not to leave any living organism or portion 
thereof unattended in the presence of SCP-1648. 


Description: SCP-1648 are a pair of roughly humanoid bipedal 
creatures, henceforth denoted as SCP-1648-A and SCP-1648-B. 
The creatures are covered in colorful, feather-like fur and have 
distended abdomens, long flexible arms, and short legs. Their faces 
are reminiscent of Phyllostomidae (leaf-nosed bats), with many 
small, sharp teeth, as well as ears resembling the tufts of Bubo 
(horned owls). The creatures are obligate carnivores — SCP-1648-A 
can only digest pork, and SCP-1648-B can only digest beef. They 
can temporarily store inorganic items in their stomachs. SCP-1648 
excrete by belching fire and smoke. 


SCP-1648-A, which refers to itself as "The Hunch", has indigo fur, 
stands 155 centimeters tall and weighs 80 kilograms. SCP-1648-B, 
which refers to itself as "The Huzzara", has violet fur, stands 199 
centimeters tall and weighs 95 kilograms. Each creature wears a 
dark gray bowler hat which reappears in its original place if it is 
removed, although the previous instance does not disappear until 
unobserved. SCP-1648 claim to be related to one another, but they 
are unable to quantify to what degree, often listing off a lengthy 
series of relatives. In conversation, they finish each other's 


sentences. If significant separation of SCP-1648 is attempted, 
SCP-1648-A will jump into SCP-1648-B's arms and their fur will knit 
together, making them impossible to physically separate. 


SCP-1648 possess the ability to construct machines from nearly any 
materials presented to them and to predict obstacles and 
circumstances that would prevent the machines from being 
constructed. Construction takes place in a silent dance-like state in 
which materials are thrown from one entity to the other and 
assembled in a faster and more convoluted manner than the human 
eye Can perceive, even when viewed with a high-speed camera. 
During construction, SCP-1648 demonstrate feats of extreme 
strength that they cannot replicate in other conditions. 


SCP-1648-A and SCP-1648-B infrequently request specific 
materials with which to build machines. The entities seem to lack an 
understanding of the difference between life and death, and 
infrequently incorporate living organisms or portions thereof into 
their machines. They may incorporate their food rations into 
machines if oversupplied. 


Excerpts from SCP-1648 Machine Construction Test Log 
Test Subjects: SCP-1648-A and SCP-1648-B 


Test: SCP-1648-Test-01 

Materials Provided: 20 oak wood 2x4s, 100 grams of 
aluminium, 1 hearing aid (located in SCP-1648-B's 
stomach before testing began) 

Time Elapsed: 77 seconds 

Result: A crude cello that autonomously played a 

466 Hz note at approximately 180 decibels for 0.5 
seconds before combusting from the sheer mechanical 
stress. 

Notes: SCP-1648 informed researchers that this was a 
perfect performance of a song called "Un" from their 
place of origin, though they did not elaborate on the 
subject. SCP-1648 do not appear to understand the 
concept of hearing loss and were uninjured. 


Test: SCP-1648-Test-03 


Materials Provided: 1 cardboard box containing 28 
model race cars 

Time Elapsed: 3 seconds 

Result: N/A 

Notes: SCP-1648 refused to construct a machine with 
the provided materials. 


Test: SCP-1648-Test-07 

Materials Provided: 1 Dalmatian dog in an iron cage 
with a linen sheet, 2 kilograms of lead, 1.5 (specifically 
requested as "one and a half") helical CFL light bulbs 
Time Elapsed: 212 seconds 

Result: A hexapodal, headless and tailless Dalmatian 
wearing a metal exoskeleton over a linen cloth jumpsuit. 
In place of a head, it has a toaster-like device designed 
to toast bread products and then eject them at nearly 
1200 kph. The origin of the two additional legs is 
unknown. Its brain is located in its chest. 

Notes: SCP-1648-A and SCP-1648-B were quick to 
inform researchers that it responds to the name 
"Malarkey." 


Document-1648-Interview-Log-11 
Interviewed: SCP-1648-A, SCP-1648-B 
Interviewer: Researcher Julio Martinez 


Foreword: SCP-1648-A and SCP-1648-B had just 
completed Test-07. 


<Begin Log> 


Researcher Martinez: What else can you tell me about 
this creation? 


SCP-1648-A: Mmm, it's more machine than 
SCP-1648-B: Dog. The whole skeleton has 


SCP-1648-A: Been redesigned. The jumpsuit is 


SCP-1648-B: Used to keep the exocage from 
SCP-1648-A: Irritating the skin. 


Researcher Martinez: Why remove the head and tail, 
though? 


SCP-1648-B: Firing the bread sticks causes a 
SCP-1648-A: Significant amount of 

SCP-1648-B: Recoil. Mmm, we needed to 
SCP-1648-A: Stabilize it, and the head and 
SCP-1648-B: Tail got in the way of that. They were 
SCP-1648-A: An obstacle. 

Researcher Martinez: Why the name "Malarkey?" 
SCP-1648-B: What else would you 

SCP-1648-A: Call a headless dog? Mmm! 
SCP-1648-B: Mmm! 

<End Log> 


Closing Statement: "Malarkey" was classified as 
SCP-1648-C and taken from SCP-1648-A and 
SCP-1648-B for study. The next morning, SCP-1648-C 
was found to be dying of starvation. When questioned, 
SCP-1648 explained that they "didn't think a mouth was 
all that important." SCP-1648-C has been put on IV while 
attempts are made to locate the entrance to its digestive 
tract. 


« SCP-1647 | SCP-1648 | SCP-1649 » 


SCP-1649: Heck and Becker's Timely Hour 


Item #: SCP-1649 
Object Class: Euclid Neutralized 


Update 23/7/2012: It has been proposed that SCP-1649 
be removed from Foundation general records and 
archived by research team director Dr. Charles 
Anborough. In accordance with Statute-102-C, any 
removal of a neutralized SCP object from Foundation 
general records requires the approval of O5 Command 
via majority vote. As SCP-1649 was previously classified 
as Euclid, a two-thirds majority (9/13) is required. 


Update 25/7/2012: In accordance with the 2-11 vote of 
O5 Command, the proposal for archiving of SCP-1649 is 
denied. 


Update 27/7/2012: Dr. Charles Anborough, it is the 
opinion of the council that your motivations for both 
assuming custody of SCP-1649 and archiving the object 
are concerned with the release of Clearance 5/1649 
expunged materials in its documentation. Any personal 
motivations regarding SCP-1649 (and by extension, 
previous personnel assigned to it) are not an appropriate 
reason for the archiving of a neutralized object, and your 
proposal has thus been denied. This memo is not to be 
considered a reprimand and no disciplinary action will be 
taken regarding the incident, however, further proposals 
of this nature are not advisable. 


O5-5 


Special Containment Procedures: SCP-1649 is considered 
neutralized and as such does not require active containment 
protocols. Any evidence that further broadcasts of SCP-1649 exist 


are to be investigated promptly. Non-anomalous recordings of 
original SCP-1649 broadcasts remain in storage. 


Description: SCP-1649 is an American radio talk-show known as 
Heck and Becker's Timely Hour. The show originally aired in 1973 
and possessed a comedic tone with references to American popular 
culture. Heck and Becker's Timely Hour was cancelled after only 
three weeks of broadcasting, as a result of Foundation efforts. 
Impact from the broadcasts' memetic effects was minimal, mainly 
due to a relatively small listener base and low communicability of 
SCP-1649's memetic properties. 


SCP-1649's anomalous properties only occur when its broadcasts 
are heard live (recordings and text-based versions of the broadcast 
demonstrate no abnormalities). References to American popular 
culture in the broadcast confer a perception-altering effect when 
they are recognized by the audience. The exact parameters of this 
property, including the definitions of "American popular culture" and 
"recognized" are speculative; however, the memetic communicability 
of SCP-1649 to an appropriate listener is approximated at only 17%. 


SCP-1649's perception-altering effects cause the listener to believe 
that the event or subject referenced in the broadcast is different from 
its factual/historical record. The primary difference concerns the 
presence of an entity designated SCP-1649-1, referred to as 
[REDACTED] by affected subjects. For example, individuals affected 
by SCP-1649 during a reference to Charlie Chaplin's film The Great 
Dictator will believe that SCP-1649-1 starred in said film instead of 
Chaplin (see DOCUMENT-SCP-1649-13 for details). Other changes 
are of similar nature, with SCP-1649-1 replacing important figures in 
American history (including Elvis Presley, Howard Hughes, Abraham 
Lincoln, [REDACTED], etc). Amnestic treatment has been 
successful in eliminating memetic contamination by SCP-1649. 


SCP-1649 was discovered after Foundation agent Luke Morris was 
affected by the anomaly during its second broadcast. Foundation 
agents subsequently were deployed to the FM broadcasting station 
(Kansas City, MO) responsible for airing the show and arranged for 
the program to be removed from the schedule. The individuals 
responsible for creating Heck and Becker's Timely Hour were never 
captured and have not made any known reappearances to date. The 


total number of individuals affected by the anomaly is unknown, but 
is believed to be fewer than a hundred, and all discovered cases 
were administered amnestics successfully. 


Addendum [1649-001]: Investigation and Findings 


+ DOCUMENT-SCP-1649- 
CM (CLEARANCE 4/1649 REQUIRED) 


7/4/1974: Broadcasts of SCP-1649 make no 
references to [REDACTED] or any other 
abnormal subjects; it is our operating 
assumption that the creators intended the 
show to be indistinguishable from common 
American programming of the time. We 
believe that SCP-1649's memetic effects were 
entirely intentional and designed to be as 
covert as possible. The objective, it is 
presently thought, was to establish 
[REDACTED] as a constant and important 
figure in American history. For what purpose is 
unclear, however [DATA EXPUNGED}]. 


- Dr. Brian Anborough 


An apartment in Kansas City, MO believed to be 
connected to the individuals "Heck" and "Becker" was 
discovered on 23/5/1974. Initial raid discovered written 
scripts for further broadcasts of SCP-1649, analyses of 
the anomaly's present memetic transference rate, plans 
for improvement of the memetic transference rate 
(detailing [DATA EXPUNGED)), and several texts in an 
unknown language. Also discovered were two 
anomalous devices (now designated SCP- and SCP- 

). SCP- appears to be a weapon, utilizing an M16 
automatic rifle and unknown technology. SCP- 
resembles a flashlight, which when activated produces a 
space-time aperture of variable size on the surface 
toward which it is directed (this only functions on 
inanimate flat surfaces). The area accessible via SCP- 
[DATA EXPUNGED]. For further details, see 


DOCUMENT-SCP-_ and 


Observation of the apartment and its surrounding area 
was maintained following the removal of all materials 
therein. On 3/6/1974, an unknown individual was seen 
watching the window of the apartment from the sidewalk 
for several minutes. The individual (now designated 
SCP-1649-A) was successfully detained by Foundation 
agents and subsequently interrogated: 


Interviewed: SCP-1649-A 
Interviewer: Dr. Brian Anborough 
Foreword: First interview with subject. 
<Begin Log> 


Dr. Anborough: Please identify yourself. 
SCP-1649-A: Declined. 


Dr. Anborough: Very well, then, "Declined", 
please explain what you were doing staring at 
that apartment? 


SCP-1649-A: ...You know what, | like you. 
You should become part of our group. 


Dr. Anborough: I'm disinterested. 


SCP-1649-A: Well, "Disinterested", why are 
you so comfortable with not exploring your 
horizons? 


A slight pause follows this question. 


Dr. Anborough: I've learned to leave some 
stones unturned. 


SCP-1649-A: Including the one you live 
under? 


Dr. Anborough: What or who is 
[REDACTED]? 


SCP-1649-A: Persistent, aren't you? 
Dr. Anborough shrugs. 


SCP-1649-A: [REDACTED] is many things. To 
us..."he", | Suppose, is our sovereign leader. 
To you, he could be a whole new world. 


Dr. Anborough: I've encountered several. 
Most of them aren't worth the investment. 


SCP-1649-A: Then you don't know where to 
bury your gold. 


Dr. Anborough: Enlighten me. 


SCP-1649-A: Place your trust in 
[REDACTED]. He will even help you with your 
wife. 


Dr. Anborough: ...| don't- 


SCP-1649-A: -Have a wife? You've met her 
though. She's beautiful, isn't she? 


Dr. Anborough: | think that's enough for now. 


SCP-1649-A: | haven't even told you about 
[DATA EXPUNGED], surely you'll want to 
know how to save him? 


Dr. Anborough: This interview is over! 
<End Log> 


SCP-1649-A expired of unknown causes 47 hours later. 
Autopsy revealed the absence of most organ systems, 
and the presence of what is believed to be a biological 
analog for the technology presentinSCP- and_ . The 
function of this organ/device is currently unclear as 
SCP-1649-A disintegrated within five days of its death. 


No further SCP-1649-related activity has occurred. 
Addendum [1649-002]: Records Update 15/5/1994 
By order of O5-5 (and approved by O5-3, 4, 8), SCP-1649 has been 
reclassified to Neutralized. In addition, information pertaining to 


[DATA EXPUNGED}] is to be transferred to Secure-File- 
Thanatos-1649 and be reclassified to Clearance 5/1649. 


« SCP-1648 | SCP-1649 | SCP-1650 » 


SCP-1650: Macabee Oil 


Item #: SCP-1650 
Object Class: Safe 


Special Containment Procedures: SCP-1650 is to be held in a 
standard artifact containment unit in Site-19's High Value wing. Due 
to special interest in obtaining SCP-1650 expressed by hostile 
Groups of Interest, security details for it are to follow Defense and 
Concealment Protocol Epsilon-168. Any use of instances of 
SCP-1650-1 must be authorized by project supervisor Dr. Dunson. 


Description: SCP-1650 is a clay oil pot, dating to Hasmonean 
period Judea (circa 170 BCE). On the bottom of SCP-1650 is an 
inscription in Hebrew, which has experienced significant wear due to 
the age of the artifact: 


ONYX OwWwWI —N 1°37) Fw Vy yawn nd —? 1 7N71 
WIP NI WN? O23 OF —1 DN JM‘ oyn , naw vy 
Toomy) my22 ,770nN 


When in an upright position, SCP-1650 appears to be empty, but 
when tilted and held at a specific angle for thirty (30) seconds, 
various types of oil (henceforth SCP-1650-1) will be poured from it: 


¢ 45° (SCP-1650-1-A): Olive oil, virginal. Oil produced is 
consistent of manufacturing techniques and olive breeds used 
in Judea in the second century BCE. 


50° (SCP-1650-1-B): identical to 45° while SCP-1650-1-B 
appears identical to SCP-1650-1-A (smell, texture, taste, 
molecular structure), ingesting it caused nausea, abdominal 
pain, and vomiting, followed by cardiac dysrhythmia, tremors, 
seizures and finally death in 87% of test subjects, permanent 
brain damage in 12% and no effect in the remaining 1%. 
Autopsies revealed the cause of death to be severe oleandrin 


poisoning, though no traces of oleandrin or Nerium oleander 
were found in the oil prior to ingestion.