Lucas pulled three purple pills out of his pocket, handed one to each 
inheritor, moved over to the sink, opened the shelving below the 
sink, pulled out three clear glasses, stuck the glasses under the tap, 
filled each glass with water, put them to the side, took out the hot 
glue gun, shoved it up the tap - another slight bowing outwards of 
the windows, three, two, one, and the world is cured - put the hot 
glue gun away, picked up the three glasses (two in his left hand), 
walked over to the inheritors, handed them each a glass, nodded, 
then walked to the other side of the room, took out another piece of 
paper from his right pants pocket, and stared at it intently. 


"Don't come into my field of view. Stay exactly where you are. Don't 
say anything until | ask you to. Consume the pill as quickly as 
possible. Watch my left hand." 


Lucas put his left hand into the air, holding up five fingers, listening 
to the hum. 


74 Hz. Four fingers. 
71 Hz. Three fingers. 
63 Hz. Two fingers. 
55 Hz. One finger. 


50 Hz, and then a sudden silence. No fingers, and the inheritors felt 
their lips part. Iris threw the pill into her mouth and started draining 
her water immediately. Skitter had already been pushing the pill 
against his lips and the second it slipped through he pulled the glass 
up to his mouth and drank as fast as he could. Robert had no idea 
what was going on and was freaking the FUCK out a little but the 
crazy magic man told him to take the pill so he put the pill into his 
mouth and started drinking the water and he kind of choked on ita 
little and coughed up some water but kept drinking and drinking and 
"oh shit" he thought "do | need to lick that off the ground he 
emphasized that | needed to drink it all oh fuck but he told me not to 
move as well what do | do fuck it just keep drinking" and it never 
occurred to any of them, later, that finishing the glass was 
unneccessary for reasons other than proper hydration. 


Lucas Monaco started sneezing. One sneeze. Two sneezes. Three 
blood shot out of his nose and spattered onto the paper. He looked 
down and saw three blank squares where something had been 
printed which had now been irretrievably lost. Below that, though, 
was a handwritten scrawl. Lucas wiped the blood off his face and 
the note with his left hand, before putting his left hand into his left 
pocket and pulling out a Medusa M47 revolver and pointing it at 
Skitter Marshall's head - still staring at the scribbled handwritten 
note - before calmly saying: 


"Password." 

"What?" 

"Password. Tell me the password." 

"| have no idea what you're talking about." 


"Tell me the password." 


SCP-565 is not immune to the harmful effects of exposure to a 
watery environment, and has continued to decay as is normal for 
dead tissue. It is estimated that SCP-565's decay will have 
advanced sufficiently to neutralize it withi[REDACTED] 


Addendum 565-1 Forensics testing has linked SCP-565 
conclusively to the DNA and dental records of Edward Belltram, 
deceased 12/28/ , approximately two years before the first known 
sighting of SCP-565. Belltram was murdered by his wife Rebbecca 
by strychnine poisoning and blunt force trauma to the back of the 
head, with description of the murder wound matching the wound 
through which the exposed cranial matter of SCP-565 protrudes. 
Doctor Schaeffer has proposed that Belltram's body be exhumed for 
analysis. 


Addendum 565-2 Edward Belltram was exhumed by Foundation 
researchers on /9/ . The corpse had been beheaded, with 
wounds suggesting the head had been torn from the shoulders with 
extreme force rather than cut. Photographs taken by bereaved 
family members at Belltram's funeral show that the corpse's head 
was still attached at the time of burial, and the grave site showed no 
evidence of having been disturbed. Belltram's corpse was retained 
for study, and his grave restored with a substitute as per standard 
Foundation EMPTY CASKET protocols. 


Addendum 565-3 [DATA EXPUNGED]si-8 stationed on site 
reported no activity. 


« SCP-564 | SCP-565 | SCP-566 » 


"| still have no idea what you're talking about." 


Lucas pulled the trigger and the gun went CLICK but that was all. He 
pointed the gun at Robert Carter, still staring at the paper. 


"Tell me the password." 
"That gun's clearly not loaded." 


Lucas directed the gun downwards and pulled the trigger, and with a 
great BANG which made everyone's ears ring and the windows 
shake a little, a lead slug pushed its way into the wooden floor. 
Everyone's ears were ringing, but Lucas pointed it back at Robert 
Carter. 


"Tell me the password." 


Ears ringing, Robert Carter shouted "| DON'T KNOW ABOUT ANY 
FUCKING PASSWORD!" 


Lucas pulled the trigger, a click that nobody could hear over the 
ringing in their ears, and then pointed it towards Iris Dark. Before 
Lucas could say a word: 


"You're a time traveller, aren't you?" 

"Tell me the password." 

Iris grinned ear to ear. "That is absolutely wild." 
"Tell me the password." 

Iris looked at the other two. 


"Look, it doesn't matter what we say, he knows what we're going to 
say, it's written down on that sheet of paper. Arguably the longer we 
keep talking the more secure the password is. So | guess I'll just 
keep talking - maybe say some random words, | dunno, albatross, 
albania, southern comfort and screaming silences - it legitimately 
doesn't matter what | say because he hasn't written it yet. | think. Did 
| get it right?" 


Lucas directed the gun to the ground, and again a BANG and this 
time louder and ringing and Iris closed her eyes and when she 
opened them Lucas was pushing her against the wall and holding 
the gun against her head and she could hear him over the reinforced 
ringing and she watched his lips shape the words, still coated and 
dripping in blood that had spurted out of his nose: 


"TELL ME THE FUCKING PASSWORD!" 


"HAPPY ALICE WANDERED THROUGH THE FOREST AND 
THERE SHE SPIED A SPIDER WHENCE CAME THE RAINY 
WOLF AND EVIL POURED UPON THE BLACK PARADE AND THE 
HEAVENS CRIED THICK BLACKNESS AND WE DREAMPT THAT 
HER GRANDMOTHER'S TEETH WERE LONG and sharp and she 
screamed upon the flesh and we salted the wound and the world felt 
like nothing amen." 


Lucas released Iris, turned around, walked away, stared at the piece 
of paper, confirmed that all the words matched, then put the Medusa 
M47 back in his left pocket with his left hand and scrunched up the 
piece of paper before throwing it over his shoulder and nobody saw 
it land because it stopped existing before it hit the ground. 


"Okay. How long have we been in this room?" 


Lucas looked back at Iris who was leaking tears from her eyes and 
looking very angry whilst glaring daggers at him. He glanced at 
Robert, who was sitting down and shaking from psychosomatic 
hypothermia. He looked towards Skitter, who was checking his 
watch to give his response: 


"Maybe eight minutes?" 


"Alright, that's already too much not exposure. We need to get out of 
here before something notices." 


Lucas pulled a Kullback-Liebler warhead from his right pocket 
(though to Skitter it just looked like a fountain pen) then clicked out a 
pattern in Morse code through it. He threw it over his shoulder and 
nobody saw it land because it started dissipating mid-air and its 
payload began to propagate through the room and leak out the 


windows a little bit which made the things that weren't outside start 
paying attention to the room. 


"What's your name?" 
"Skitter Marshall." said Skitter Marshall. 


"Well, Marshall, grab the girl and pull her towards the door, because 
her and the other guy seem to have looked out the windows. | 
assume | told them not to." 


Skitter looked over to Iris and saw that she was now crying blood, 
frowning, staring towards Lucas Monaco. He grabbed her hand and 
pulled her towards the door. She looked down at her hand and saw 
an odd fleshy thing attached to her elbow instead, it wasn't her hand 
that had been grabbed, it was some fleshy five-fingered thing, she 
didn't have her hand yet, no, she was going to get that later. She'd 
have to saw this one off soon, to make room for her hand. She 
smiled and cried some more blood and started grinding her teeth 
together and she heard the whispers from inside her head. 


Robert Carter was cold and cold and cold and cold and then cold 
and he felt cold and Robert Carter was cold because he was cold 
and he was cold Robert Carter was cold it is cold he felt cold it was 
cold and he felt cold and Robert Carter felt cold and it was cold and 
it is cold and it is cold and Robert Carter was cold and then cold but 
cold and it is cold Robert Carter was cold and it was cold and Robert 
Carter was cold. Lucas Monaco grabbed Robert Carter is cold it is 
cold Robert Carter is cold and cold and cold and then cold and 
pulled him towards the door. 


The Kullback-Liebler warhead had knitted through the room and was 
going to tear it apart in a few minutes. 


Lucas Monaco grabbed the key that was jammed in the door, 
Twisted it widdershins, and then Lucas and Skitter and Robert and 
Iris were no longer in the room. 


The lights were still flashing imperceptibly at 50Hz and the fire 
alarm's red LED was still on and one of Thursday's Serpents sunk 
its teeth into the window and injected its slick spirited ethanols into 


the fabric of the warhead. It broke in and slithered and slid and ran 
into two pieces of paper and a fountain pen that were anchored in 
the wrong ways. The room was in a different place, the Serpent had 
pulled it out into the Not, where it would drift until the Kullback- 
Liebler warhead realised what was going on and sliced the Serpent 
into a trillion tiny hours which were wasted before it realised its life 
was gone. 


Meanwhile, Lucas and Skitter and Robert and Iris were in Paris, and 
Iris and Robert wanted to empty their stomachs but the pills refused 
to let them try. 


Oh, | got my cool on! (Tailormade!) 
I'm winning so they had to dump the Gatorade - 
And | don't give a fuck about my family name. 


« An Exploration of Dynastic Wealth|Hub| High 
Society » 


Some Rational Inheritance 


The A-78xD United Eidolonic Collective were a reasonable lot. Or 
one. They/it/we didn't really understand human languages. Always 
hung up on "nouns" and "adjectives" and "tenses" and whatnot. 
A-78xD didn't speak; it/we/they had no method of vocalisation, so 
typically relied on purely mental methodologies of communication. 
This resulted in a very strong understanding of legal procedures, 
since there is no "fine print" if the agreement is conferred by mutual 
comprehension. Unfortunately, due to the rather dismal construction 
of the human brain, psionic communication was impossible - human 
brains were criss-crossed by structural faults called "blood vessels", 
which would invariably burst upon first contact with A-78xD's 
overmind. The actual mechanical purpose of "blood vessels" 
escaped A-78xD; we/it/they thought it was some kind of backup 
communication system, just in case the neurons got destroyed. That 
was how Ruprecht always used them, anyway. 


Regardless, A-78xD was/were/are/is a reasonable lot/one/us/we/ 
them. And as such, they had prepared some convenient flash cards 
for ease of communication with the new inheritors; the inheritors 
presently seated in front of one of A-78xD's many bodies/friends/ 
allies/servitors. 


That particular instance raised the first card. 


greetings for Claimwise, subjective forthwith grain. 
statistical Contemplation? valid, inviolate 
Claimwise to be swift prompt 

(blood) vessels Comfortable? sustenance available 


The inheritors looked uncomfortable. Skitter Marshall shifted slightly 
on his seat. 


"Could | get some water?" 


On the morning of the 26th, Skitter awoke in an unfamiliar bed. 


He was expecting something strange and unusual to happen on the 
26th, and given the nature in which the letter was delivered, he 
didn't know what to expect. Skitter had been busy in the days 
leading up to this one. His mind went wild with possibilities; what 
was the "A-78xD United Eidolonic Collective"? Why had he never 
heard of "MARSHALL, CARTER AND DARKE LTD..", and why didn't 
a web search return anything about them? Why was the letter so 
incomprehensible? He was braced for surprise. 


Waking up in a different bed, then, was not especially astonishing 
for him. 


It astonished him a little when he sat up and was surrounded by 
twenty faceless nightmares in identical business suits. 


And it astonished him even more when one of them entered the 
room, a pink and flowery apron worn over the same style suit as the 
others, and delicately placed a tray with eggs, bacon, coffee, and 
buttered toast onto his lap. 


His eyes narrowed, surveying A-78xD one instance at a time. He 
deemed it was probably rude to express verbal thanks to things 
which didn't seem to be able to vocalise in return; though, since they 
all seemed to be staring at him (despite the lack of eyes), he 
surmised that they could probably see. He gave them a thumbs up, 
and at once the twenty-one A-78xD instances in the room gave 
forty-two upwards-pointing thumbs in return. 


The breakfast was delicious. 


Skitter sipped his water while the instance in front of him continued 
flipping through cards. It stopped, then pulled one from its stack and 
spun it around. 


some rational Inheritance of the company 
MARSHALL, CARTER AND DARKE LTD. 
is am wish to many. 


Robert Carter sighed. 
"Well, good. I'd hate to accidentally inherit anything irrationally." 


Skitter smirked a bit. The instance flipped up another card, holding it 
purposefully towards Robert. 


deepness for incomprehensible 


"Yes, yes, we've been over that." 


On the morning of the 26th, Robert awoke in an unfamiliar bed. 


His first observation, strange though it was, was that the room didn't 
smell like Vegas. It smelled a touch more like... ozone? And his 
tongue was a bit numb. 


First conclusion, before even raising his head from the pillow: Gas 
leak. Evacuate. 


He jumped from the bed and stood up before noticing that the room 
was not the one he went to sleep in, which he noticed shortly after 
coming face to not-face with an A-78xD instance. 


"Um." 


His eyes widened, he turned, and saw the other nineteen instances 
in the room. 


"Ahhhhhhhh." 


He wasn't screaming, nor especially scared. It was more of a dull 
groan of confusion. A dream? He bit the inside of his cheek, slightly 
drawing blood. Still, given the evidence of twenty faceless things 
sharing a room with him, his assessment of the world was erring 
more on the side of dream than reality. He looked at the suited 
things, then looked down at himself, dressed in nothing but the 
underwear he slept in. He shook his head a little. When faced with 
the extance of these impossible horrors, his biggest concern was 
that he was underdressed. 


They brought him the most comfortable suit he'd ever worn. 


manytimes Isn't the asking. 

factreel plane of MARSHALL, CARTER AND DARKE 
LTD. 

abundance with verve 


The instance flipped over the card. 


planesource Library for supplement? 
if confusion, Phone local and support 
elsewise technomancer 


The instance flipped over the same card. 


twist assistance from subnanoscale 
trivialities engender regret 
fortunatewise fork tines chewstyle 


The instance flipped over the same card. 
problem? 

Skitter turned to Robert. 

"How much of that did you follow?” 


"| can conclude that piece of paper has at least four sides. Beyond 
that, I've got nothing." 


"| think | might Know what it means about the Library? No idea past 
that." 


Iris interjected.