Talloran: But when you were found, what you had stated 
to the task force that you originated off the shore of 
California. Yet the location you give indicates Queens, 
New York. What accounts for this discrepancy? 


SCP-3999: [SYSTEM ERROR: DATA CORRUPTED. 
PLEASE SEE A NETWORK ADMINISTRATOR FOR 
MORE DETAILS] 


Talloran: Excuse me? 


SCP-3999: [SYSTEM ERROR: DATA CORRUPTED. 
PLEASE SEE A NETWORK ADMINISTRATOR FOR 
MORE DETAILS] 


Talloran: | know that it used to have concerts, yes, but 


SCP-3999: [SYSTEM ERROR: DATA CORRUPTED. 
PLEASE SEE A NETWORK ADMINISTRATOR FOR 
MORE DETAILS] 


Talloran: Security, you're needed right — 


SCP-3999: That won't be nessecary. 


Talloran: What? 
SCP-3999: Welcome. 


Talloran: Oh, | see. | saw then and now at once. Your 
uh, your mindgames. 


SCP-3999: You don't remember, do you? Anything | said 
in that interview. 


Talloran: No, but | can guess enough of it. Why bring 
that up now anyway? 


SCP-3999: I've been keeping track. It's the year 
3,003,999. You put me here. | don't know why, but this is 
your world. You created your own space in mine. I'm 
done. All | wanted was to understand a bit more of you. 
But | couldn't. 


Talloran: Right... right. This is, | guess... it. | will kill us 
both, and this terror ends. There's no more of any of it. 
No more me, no more you, and the Foundation and the 
world moves on. | just don't know why you wanted this to 
happen to me. All of this. You... you goddamned 
asshole. Why? 


SCP-3999: Of all | have become a parasite to, you 
have... the most. 


Talloran: The most what? 


SCP-3999: Yourself. 


Talloran: Please. Stop with this cryptic riddle shit. I'm so 
tired of this. We both know what will happen. That's why | 
brought us back to this cell. So just tell me. What do | 
have the most of? 


SCP-3999: | already told you. It is the truth. You have 
the most of yourself. That was what | needed. 


Talloran: ...oh. So it's just like that voice said. 


SCP-3999: You had enough to make yourself more... 
more of a thing than anyone else in the time I've roamed 
existence. 


Talloran: Were you XK then? ZK? 


SCP-3999: The Foundation's classifications don't mean 
much to me. All that matters to you is that | wanted to 
keep you around for a long time. Clearly, | 
underestimated you and you overestimated me. 


Talloran: Yeah. | guess so. 


SCP-3999: Do you understand now, Talloran? Where 
the end of this road lies? There's only one way to end 
this. I'd keep this going, but your will is stronger than 
anything | have. 


Foreword: Researcher Talloran gets up from their chair 
and pushes the table aside, proceeding to wrap their 
hands around SCP-3999 and "choke" it. Talloran 
indicates signs of asphyxiation as well, indicating that 
they are able to feel the effects of the choking as well. 
After 50 seconds of struggling, well past the point where 
passing out would occur, Talloran closes their eyes and 
walks into the cell's wall, where Talloran and SCP-3999 
exit and fall into the world's abyss. After another two 
minutes of this occurring, with neither party moving or 
changing, everything breaks. 


James, 


First you take up the heart of my boy, and now you move 
sites? Just like that!? Hah! Give me a break kid. Not 
even my friend, the Devil himself, could do such a cruel 
thing to his flings. 


But no, you're too good. Too fucking good. Draven... 
he's been happier than | can remember ever since you 
showed up in his life. This Foundation shit was worth it if 
| got to see my boy love you. But if you're getting this, 
then you're clearly moving, and | don't know why but if 
it's your fault and you broke his heart, I'll possess 682 
and get you in its stomach. 


I'm too drunk to write much, and yet I'm writing this so 
carefully. Just know how much of a shit | give about you 
for me to do that. It's a little bit. When I'm dead, you 
should have been taking care of him, but now that you're 
moving, it's your responsibility more than ever. Don't let 
him fucking take care of you. Don't be a pussy, James. 
Sorry, and happy whatever day it is. 


BK 


December 15, 2017 


10:19 P.M. 


Alarms rang at 10:20 P.M. when a hole as wide as a containment 
cell and twice as deep as the height of one appeared out of nowhere 
at Site-118, with a barely-breathing body found at the bottom of it, 
clutching several pages of SCP Foundation documentation. It took 
medical staff seven minutes to get to them and hook them up to 
medical equipment; any longer and the body would have most likely 
been dead moments later. 


One of the doctors on the scene was Hikari Yamada, the first 
responder. Pulling the body out of the hole with the help of staff 
members on the scene, it wasn't immediately evident who it was. 
Dirt and debris covered the face and body, and the amount of blood 
and wounds made them look like garbage. It wasn't until she put 
them on a stretcher, ran them to the Medical Wing, wiping the 
assorted mess off of their face, and further cleaned the body in 
preparation for emergency treatment that she came to the 
nauseating realization that it was Researcher James Ari Talloran, 
who had gone missing 285 days ago out of thin air. 


10:47 P.M. 


Draven Kondraki took an emergency flight to Site-118. 


11:58 P.M. 


> To: Wei Zhong (pcs.81 1s|gnohzw#pcs.811s|gnohzw) 
> From: Maria Jones (pcs.asiar|60senojm#pcs.asiar| 
60senojm) 

> Subject: RE: 3999 


Greetings Director Zhong, 


There has been no SCP assigned to the 3999 slot since 
RAISA formed, and it is 99.998% likely for this to also be 
true in the history of the Foundation. With a margin of 
error of "too insignificant to matter". Send copies of those 
documents over to RAISA as soon as you can. Thank 
you. 


Maria Jones 


Director, Recordkeeping And Information Security 
Administration 


December 17, 2017 


8:37 P.M. 


Draven Kondraki and the rest of Talloran's friends received 
confirmation that they were stable. 


December 22, 2017 


4:13 P.M. 


"It's fine hun, | promise." Talloran visibly ached and winced even 
slightly moving in the hospital bed, but they were alive. They were 
alive and that was all that mattered. 


"Do you remember anything that happened? You were gone for so 
long, for G-d's sake, we were going to declare you legally dead ina 
couple months, and, and —" 


"No, | don't uh. Remember. | was gone and then | was just. Here 
again." Talloran had to lie. What was happening now... it wasn't 
trustworthy anyway. No, it'd be a very long time for it to be 
trustworthy to any degree. Maybe it'd take a whole eleven months 
before their spine snapped in half and the fagade was broken. 
Maybe Draven's empathy was fake. Draven could be fake. 


Talloran looked to the right, and saw Yamada talking to other 
doctors outside the room. Maybe they were all fake. What else could 
explain this? Millions of years being gutted, and then peace? 
There's no such thing as peace. There possibly couldn't have — 


"That's a relief. I'm so glad you're back bun, fuck. | don't even care 
about what happened for now. Maybe not ever. | don't know. You're 
mine again, and if you leave, I'm going to neutralize the son of a 
bitch stealing you." 


Their heart fluttered as Draven gently draped his arms around their 
body. It hurt, but it was a relief. To feel this specific kind of hurt at 
the gentle touch of another... if it was all made up, if this was just 
another delusion, why not enjoy it? At least Talloran can claim to 
have won the battle of the minds at one point. 


"| just have to make sure. You're... y-you're still Draven, right? 
Draven Kondraki, son of Benjamin Kondraki? Jewish, bisexual, 
snores horridly?" Draven looked at them curiously, as if the very 
notion of questioning was absurd. 


"The snoring's improved. You're right otherwise. Are you o—" 


"Yeah... | guess so. Just shaken up is all. Please hug me and keep 
telling me about what | missed in the last number of months. Tell me 
the world's gotten better." 


James Ari Talloran continued to cling onto life. For now, they won. 
And that was all that mattered. 


December 15, 2017 


Sunset got to talk with her therapist about almost nothing in 
particular for an entire hour. But the "almost nothing" was pretty 
productive at least. 


It was about writing. Lots of it. How writing helped; how it soothed 


the soul; how it got her through tough times. She even thought to 
mention the SCP Foundation, and got her therapist to read the 
Wikipedia article on it. 


Why did writing help so much? After all, simply getting out your 
emotions isn't enough to fully help, or address the core problems. 
So why was it so important? 


It's... it's a way to put succinctly emotions and experiences that can't 
be described in a straight manner. How can she describe the way in 
which a waterfall makes her feel, except to say that 'As Jaine fell 
from the waterfall towards Earth, she became the ruler of the world'? 
Or, when trying to describe the way trauma impacted her, wouldn't it 
be easier to say ‘Every time Derek tip-toed out into the world, he 
was living the lives of three different, incomplete people at once’? 


It's not so much the process of writing itself as how it can be 
conveyed and interpreted. That's part of the fun after all. You write 
for yourself and see how you yourself takes it, and if you so dare, 
share it with the world and see how they take it. It's the ultimate form 
of self-expression, in her opinion, arguably more than even music- 
making itself. 


When Talloran first came into her life after all, it was just a character 
in a very long and confusing narrative about the mental toll an 
author was facing. And soon, that shifted, and Talloran now became 
the ever-present star of her immediate life, a way to accurately nail 
the troubles she herself had burdened. For her, it was unanimously 
easier than simply talking about it. Fiction is more true than reality in 
many ways. 


"|'ll find the time to read some pages on this site before we have our 
next appointment together." 


Maybe she was accomplishing something, if only one step at a time. 
Though it all should have came together the day before... ah well. 
No one would mind a late delivery if the product was high-quality. At 
least, | guess so, she thought. 


December 17, 2017 


She hit save. 


« I'll Try Living Like This | I'll see you all down the road. Until next time. » 
Hub 


lolFoundation Hub Page 


NEW KID ON THE BLOCK 


By Anaxagoras, Illustration by SunnyClockwork 


Once, there was a time where we thought mankind 
would never go back to living in fear. Not anymore. That 
was a time in the past, where a total containment failure 
was a matter of concern beyond office cooler talk, and 
when the deaths of thousands was a tragedy rather than 
an achievement. This is a world where one statement 
displeasing an egotistical few can get your ass booted 
out of reality. 


Welcome to a world without logic. A place of much pain, 
torment, with an extra helping of shock and awe. This is 
a Foundation that has failed without knowing, where 
inmates run the asylum and the last man has flown over 
the cuckoo's nest. 


This is the land of lolfoundation. 


What the hell happened? Once upon a time, there was a man 
named Fritz. Good ol' Fritz was a reality bender, and one who knew 
what he was doing. The Foundation, being the folks they are, made 
a good effort to catch and contain him. But, as the story goes, either 
somebody made a mistake, or made a deal. Maybe a little of both. 
Either way, armed with Level 4 knowledge, Fritz scooped up 
everything we thought we knew, twisted, wormed, and cracked the 
very fabric of reality over his knee. Most of his jailers died in an 
instant, but some were to survive... in a way. 


A few men and women became reality benders, without the 
awareness coming with the power. Their will folded an apocalyptic 
event into a VK-Class reality restructuring event, where the 
anomalous became normal, and everything right is wrong again. 


SCP-669: A Didactic Perspective 


Item #: SCP-669 
Object Class: Safe 


Special Containment Procedures: SCP-669 is to be kept ina 
lead-lined safety deposit on Site-19. Any personnel to be granted 
access to SCP-669 must have completed a training session led by 
an individual with 2/669 clearance. 


Following Incident 669-1, SCP-669 is to be encased in a Faraday 
cage vessel consisting of a grounded copper shell, and slotted 
alumina inserts holding the item in place. SCP-669 is to be removed 
from containing vessel only in designated testing area, so as not to 
interfere with Site-19 electronics. 


Description: SCP-669 is a sphere of radius 2.6cm, resembling a 
large bearing. When inactive, SCP-669 weighs approximately 560g. 
The surface of SCP-669 contains numerous sites of corrosion and 
pitting, as well as remains of a cadmium blue paint. The surface 
temperature of SCP-669 appears to vary between 32.1 and 33.8 
degrees Celsius - this appears independent of the temperature and 
thermal conductivity of its surroundings. 


The composition of SCP-669 is currently unknown; the surface of 
SCP-669 indicates its composition to be mild carbon steel, however, 
its density, as well as inertia testing data suggests a non-uniform 
internal structure. 


SCP-669 activates when placed within 54 cm of any object larger 
than itself, and set into motion. While active, SCP-669 appears to 
lack gravitational mass - instead it describes an orbit around the 
object at one of a set of distances up to 54 cm from the object's 
surface.! Collisions with an object larger than itself cause SCP-669 
to relocate into orbit around the colliding object. 


Now, the world is a product of their minds. They control the 
Foundation, and in fact the rest of the known universe, by pure force 
of ego. This is lolfoundation with consequences, but of course they'll 
never be felt by the staff themselves. Maybe a couple hundred 
researchers get killed, or you bomb the Statue of Liberty, but that's 
life. You just deal with it. 


Laws of this canon: 


1. The Foundation is run by the senior staff author avatars, who are 
reality benders suffering from a cognition altering effect. They 
cannot see the terrible consequences of their actions. While to them, 
it's silly fun stuff everyone loves, in reality the world is in anarchy. 


2. Reality has been folded to the point where the anomalous is 
normal. People can be living an ordinary life one moment and be 
smote by the vengeance of Clef the next. Almost nobody in the 
world remembers the way things were before, and they can't see 
what's really happening either. The world hasn't been destroyed, but 
society is more or less just acting out the motions. This isn't to say 
you should write random shit, but don't be afraid to break the rules 
for how some characters usually act. On the flip side, don't 
mischaracterize the shit out of characters for no good reason. 


3. The Foundation is a captive audience for the reality avatars. 
Some might remember the way things used to be, but most are 
blindly led by the senior staff and instilled with the old Foundations 
talking points. 


Locations: 


Site-19: The main site for the Foundation. This is the headquarters 
of all the senior staff, and the hub of all their activity. Its location 
shifts with their will, and basically functions like the site in 
Eberstrom's proposal with fewer anomalies and more shenanigans. 
However you might imagine a site where Kondraki would be allowed 
to have a 682 rodeo, this'd be it. 


The Outland: What you could call "flyover country." While the major 
SS members are having their shenanigans around the major sites