"Get the switch goddamm-" 


11:33 PM, July 25th, 2022. 
Provisional Site-136 was a smoldering, radioactive mess. 


At that time, unbeknownst to the men, a containment van driven by 
Captain Quayle was carrying several clusters of SCP-3916. 


11:35 PM. 


There was no driver, no engine, no van. Only the bones of one MTF- 
6-17 Captain Travis Quayle, baking in the Nevada sun. 


The Last of LARPA 
Insect Hell 


Entomophobia 


Ziggy the Extra Special Bush Baby 


Hello, my name is Ziggy. Well not really, my mother never gave me 
a real name, but Ziggy is what the doctors here named me and i 
think it is a good name so you can call me Ziggy. | am a bush baby 
and i am 2 years old, i was born in africa but now i live in america in 
a big building called the foundation that has lots of doctors and 
scientists, who spend lots of time studying extra special things and 
people and animals like me. The doctors asked me to write this so 
they can learn about my life and try and figure out if there are any 
more extra special animals like me where i came from. Im sorry if 
my writing is not good, im just learning to write and i dont have big 
hands like people do but the scientists made me a special keyboard 
so | can type. 


Ever since i was born i knew i was smarter than the other bush 
babies. My mother and my brothers and sisters couldnt even 
understand me when i tried to talk to them, they could howl and 
screech about little things but they werent smart like me. The other 
bush babies knew i was different, theyd stay away from me when i 
was around. Mother protected me from them when they tried to hurt 
me but | think she didnt even know what to do with me either, so i 
spent lots of time alone as soon as i was old enough to wander 
around without her. | liked to sneak into the villages where people 
lived and watch them. | got really good at hiding because most of 
the people when they see a bush baby they get all angry and try to 
chase you away. | watched them for a long time when they were 
farming or cooking or eating or talking or doing other things, thats 
how i learned to talk the way people do. Doctor Samesh says the 
way i talked when they found me is called french, but most of the 
people at the foundation talk a different way thats called english so i 
learned how to talk that way too. 


One day about a year ago there was a big fire, i was asleep and i 
woke up when | heard all the other bush babies screeching. All the 
trees were burning and everything smelled like smoke and mother 


was screaming for all of us to run. So i ran andi ran and i ran and i 
dont know how far i went because the sun was bright and there was 
smoke everywhere and i could barely see, but i ran until i was too 
tired and i fell over and went to sleep. When i woke up i didnt know 
where | was, there werent any trees just tall grass and bushes and a 
village far away, and i couldnt hear any other bush babies 
anywhere. | tried to call for mother and she didnt answer, i must 
have run in the other way from the way they went and now i was 
lost. | was too scared to go back the way i came because i could still 
smell the smoke and i was so hungry and thirsty i had to find food. 


| found a stream to drink from but there wasnt any good food 
anywhere so i snuck into the village and stole some food from one of 
the peoples houses. | know its wrong to steal but i was all alone and 
i was so hungry | thought i was going to starve. | didnt know where 
to go so i found a place to sleep by the village and at night id sneak 
in and find food to eat. | did that for a couple weeks but then one 
night i got into a house and one of the people saw me and yelled at 
me. | was scared but i was really hungry so i asked him can i please 
have an apple or some berries im so hungry? But then he got 
scared and he started screaming that i was a witch, and other 
people came and chased me and i ran out into the fields and hid. 


| dont know what a witch is but i know im not one because witches 
are bad people and im just a bush baby. It got pretty bad after that, i 
couldnt even get into the village any more because the people were 
always looking for bush babies and they were killing them all. | tried 
to go to a different village and i couldnt get in there either, i even 
found a forest like the one i grew up in and people were killing all the 
bush babies there. | had to hide all the time, they set traps all over 
the place to catch bush babies but i stayed away from them because 
i was smart. | couldnt find any good food though, i got thin and sick 
and i thought | was going to die. 


One day people came who were different than the people in the 
villages. Their skin was white instead of black and they wore big 
bulky clothes and they had guns. They started setting traps and 
capturing bush babies too and their traps were better hidden than 
the ones the people in the villages made. They caught me 
eventually, i thought i saw a good place to hide for the day but when 


i went in it was a cage and it snapped shut on me. | was stuck in 
there for hours and couldnt get out, i was so scared they were going 
to kill me. One of the men came eventually and i started crying and i 
said please sir let me go | didnt do anything wrong. | thought the 
man would get scared when i said that but he looked happy and 
then he yelled hey guys i found the skip. | didnt know what a skip 
was but Doctor Samesh says it means something which is extra 
special. The man said he wasnt going to hurt me and that they were 
going to make sure i was safe from now on. 


They put me in a car, i was scared because every time i ever saw 
animals going in cars they never came back, but they gave me food 
and water and told me not to be scared. They took me to a big city 
with more people than any of the villages i ever saw, then they put 
me on a plane and took me high in the sky for a long time. One of 
the people held my cage up to a window and all i could see was 
water. 


| live at the foundation now, they made me a special room with a 
tree and rocks and lots of places to curl up and sleep, and they give 
me food and water when i need it and there are men in orange suits 
who clean the room every couple days. There are lots of doctors 
and scientists who talk to me and ask me questions, and sometimes 
they poke me with needles or put me in big scary machines which i 
dont like but they say they need to learn as much as they can about 
me. Doctor Samesh is the one who talks to me most of the time, he 
is very nice and friendly and he taught me to read, and sometimes 
he brings me snacks or toys like the stuffed monkey i like to curl up 
next to when i sleep. 


| get lonely sometimes because there arent any other animals in 
here, but Doctor Samesh told me that i am extra special and they 
want to learn about me because they have other animals that are 
smart like me and they want to know if im like them or if there are 
more in the forest where i came from. He says there is even a whole 
bunch of them that live together, and they have a king and knights 
like in some of the story books he gave me to read. He says maybe i 
could live with them someday if i wanted to but i would have to be a 
christian or they wouldnt like me. | dont Know what a christian is, 
Doctor Samesh said theres a book that explains it but i saw it its 


very long and has lots of hard words so ill have to get better at 
reading before i can figure out if im a christian or not. He says there 
are also bad animals here, like a big lizard that hates everybody 
even if youre nice to him, but when they find animals like that they 
take care of them too and keep them so they cant hurt anyone. 


| hope this helps you understand me, i like the scientists and doctors 
here because they are nice and good and help extra special animals 
like me and i want to help them do their job good. | Know im just a 
little bush baby but maybe someday i could be a scientist too and 
help other extra special animals that are scared and hungry. Doctor 
Samesh says that there is a dog and a slug in the foundation who 
are scientists, so maybe if i get better at reading and study hard 
someday i could be one? | hope so. 


Zyn: kaiju butterfly ninja master 


SCP-682 barreled down the hallway, its tail swinging to and fro like a 
Newton's cradle of thunderous destruction. Its roar turned the 
hallways into tremulous noise-affected goop as the staff of Kiryu 
Labs ran out into the hallway, being the only lab with the power to 
stop its rampage of devastating debilitation and destruction. 


Mark Kiryu gawped at the reptile, which was currently feeding on the 
tattered remains of Abel for the seventy-sixth umpteenth time in a 
row today. He was currently wearing a turtleneck made out of the 
remains of butterflies. "Zyyyynn," he whined, "682's coming to kill my 
pot plant!" Just the very thought of his precious bamboo plant being 
defiled by such a disgusting creature threatened to make him bawl 
into his bamboo's stalky absorbency. 


"Yes, Mark, | know," Zyn Kiryu sighed, brushing back her straight 
black hair in regulation with Foundation protocol. 


"Hey, Zyn." Mark was currently wearing three jars as a hat, with 
three butterflies condensed into the one butterfly's position in 
spacetime. "Zyn, I'm wearing butterflies as a hat." 


"Yes, Mark, | know." 


"Aw, why do you have to be such an Overseer's girl?" Mark whined. 
"Can't you be more funny like me?" 


Water gushed outside in a flood of Biblical proportions and 
continued flowing away from the main characters. Then 682 realised 
the set-up for a religious joke and left to go find the nearest Christian 
SCP. Mary-Sue Ann and Salah, though completely unrelated to the 
plot, somehow found their way into the tale using several kilograms 
of cocaine and thirteen rappers’ worth of hundred dollar bills, and 
promptly left to go kill it. They failed. 


"Hey. Hey Mark." Riven sidled up to Mark. "You know how Zyn isn't 


actually paying attention to you in the slightest?" he said, doing his 
best impression of Brock. 


"No." 


"You don't have to be so dino..." Riven put on the telekill goggles he 
had prepared earlier. "Sore about it." 


Seventeen sloths and one Sophia Light somewhere in the Amazon 
died of spontaneous and simultaneous heart attacks and 
aneurysms, but that was completely unrelated to the pun. 


"Look, guys, would you please shut up?" Zyn snapped, taking 
charge like the strong and dominant female protagonist she was. 
"We've got a serious containment breach on our hands, and making 
jokes isn't going to help us solve it." 


"So then what do we do?" Riven asked. "Do we—" 


"We have to do it." Zyn breathed a deep sigh. It would require her to 
breach containment, but for the good of the Foundation, she would 
do it. 


With piercing emerald eyes she called forth a secret power that had 
been bestowed upon her by the SCP that had visited her in her 
dreams. Summoning the energy from deep within her core, she 
released a pulse of magic thaumic energy that awakened the god 
humanoid anomaly in the underground facility of Site 19. 


"| summon..." 


[Transformation Theme from Yu-Gi-Oh! plays] 


GRIFFIN LOVECRAFT! 


ATK: 2 DEF: 2 RANK: KETER 


The crack of lightning striking the earth was heard even as Zyn's 
cold exterior shell was pierced with the power of such a strong force 
of irresistible dominance with severe character flaws that would 


SCP-1005: The Painted Man 


Item #: SCP-1005 
Object Class: Safe 


Special Containment Procedures: SCP-1005 is to be maintained 
at Site-17 in a 3m x 3m x 3m holding room, equipped with dim 
lighting. SCP-1005 has no nutritional requirements aside from a 
need to maintain hydration levels; humidity in holding chamber 
should be kept at a minimum of 70% when possible, and at least 
one (1) liter of water provided for consumption daily. SCP-1005 also 
does not need to sleep, but has requested a chair in which to relax 
when not undergoing study (granted). SCP-1005 also does not 
produce any waste, losing water only to evaporation, thus minimal 
cleanup is required; SCP-1005 has volunteered to give its chamber 
a monthly cleaning to prevent buildup of paint residue (under 
consideration). 


Due to ongoing good behavior and amicable attitude, SCP-1005 has 
been granted permission to explore non-secured sections of Site-17 
and utilize social rooms, provided it is accompanied by at least one 
(1) level 2 researcher and one (1) level 1 security agent. [UPDATE] 
By request of maintenance crews, SCP-1005 is required to wear 
coverings over its feet when leaving its chamber. 


Description: SCP-1005 is a sapient humanoid entity composed of 
semi-solid blue paint, with exact shades ranging from near-white to 
deep navy. The surface of SCP-1005 has an average tensile 
strength approximately 75% that of human skin; this includes its 
"clothing". SCP-1005 is unable to consciously control the viscosity or 
shape of its overall form beyond the normal locomotion of a 
humanoid body; it can, however, control its outer layer to a point 
where it can choose whether or not its paint will smear on contacting 
surfaces. The degree to which SCP-1005 is able to control itself in 
such a manner becomes lessened if over-hydrated. 


curtail his supposed perfection. 


"Wow," Riven sniggered, wiping snot from his nose. "Zyn, you really 
didn't need to get your breaches in a twis—" 


Zyn promptly caused his testicles to ascend, before turning her 
awestruck gaze to Griffin's handsome but irreparably scarred 
features. "Griffin! | knew you would hear my call!" she said happily, 
glad of his presence in such a stressful time — before realising that 
she needed to maintain decorum around the s-stupid anomaly. 
"We've got an SCP-682 breach," she said coldly. Griffin's shoulders 
slumped. 


"I'm aware, ma'am," he said ever-courteously, his amorality-colored 
cape flapping in the breeze let in through the giant cracks in Site 
19's walls. "Only such a hideous being would be enough to put a 
scowl on your lovely face," he added, in the hope of someday 
impressing her. Maybe someday she'll return my affections? 


"Are you hitting on me?" Zyn scowled and promptly butterfly- 
backhanded him, sending him collapsing to the floor. "Rule number 
66-B: A professional distance must be maintained between all SCPs 
and researchers, idiot!" 


Griffin saw the small hint of pink on her face, but quickly got up 
before a conveniently revealing wind could lift Zyn's professional 
grey skirt. His haemophilia would cause even the smallest 
nosebleeds to be fatal. 


"Right. You don't have to remind me. But something tells me..." 
Griffin breathed in, channeling the Keter Field that penetrated and 
bound the Site, all in search for a particularly reptilian disturbance. 
"This threat is too big for me alone to handle." 


"You're not implying..." Zyn paled. "You're not going to ask me to 
invoke it. Even just speaking the name of the Haiku—" 


Somewhere in this tale, Dr. Xyank suddenly dropped out of thin air. 


"Huh. | wondered where the I-beam went," he mused, before 
disappearing once again. 


"could cause irreparable damage to the space-time continuum and 
potentially result in a 3-lota Class XK Event!" Zyn was completely 
taken aback by his flouting of the rules, and drew herself up to her 
most protocol-abiding height. "It's instrumental that | avoid 
unleashing my..." 


Griffin held his hand up in silence. "But the threat of SCP-682 is too 
great for us to continue to abide by Foundation protocol. Even if it 
means breaking the rules, we have to work together. To overcome 
the crippling Achilles heel that would inevitably cause me to fail ina 
humiliating manner."