Interviewer: Agent Poltake 


Foreword: The following is the recorded 
exchange that took place between Pol-1695-A 
and Agent Poltake immediately after Pol-1695- 
A was released from SCP-1695-1. Portions of 
Pol-1695-A's speech were unable to be 
recorded properly due to the quiet and hoarse 
quality of the subject's voice. 


<Begin log> 


Pol-1695-A: Please help (inaudible) the 
ground. 


Agent Poltake: Can you walk? 


Pol-1695-A: Don't put me back. Don't put me 
back. 


Agent Poltake: We're not going to put you 
back. Do you need help standing up? 


Pol-1695-A: Don't put me ... (Pause.) Tell the 
Ringmaster I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, | don't 
remember. 


Agent Poltake: You don't remember what? 


Pol-1695-A: The ground. | don't remember. 
I'm so sorry. Please don't. 


Agent Poltake: Hey, help me get this guy to 
his feet. 


Agent Farbold approaches Pol-1695-A, who 
recoils. 


Pol-1695-A: No! Please, I'll give everything 
back. Just let me go. Don't put me... 


Agent Farbold: Hey, hey. We're not going to 
hurt you. Just put your feet—yeah, like that. 


Agent Poltake: | don't think he's strong 
enough to stand up on his own. 


Pol-1695-A: I'm sorry. | can't. | don't 
remember. 


Agent Poltake: How long were you in that 
thing? 


Pol-1695-A: I'm sorry. | don't remember. The 
(inaudible) never heard me screaming. Tell the 
Ringmaster I'm sorry for stealing. | thought it 
was just a circus. 


<End Log> 


Afterword: Pol-1695-A lost consciousness 
shortly after entering Foundation custody and 
died of heart failure before a more 
comprehensive interview could be conducted. 


+ Interview Pol-1695-B 


Interviewed: Leljud Kozlovsky, Pol-1695-B, 
alleged creator of SCP-1695-1. 


Interviewer: Dr. Khansa 


Foreword: This interview was conducted on 
05/20/ __, the day after Pol-1695-B was taken 
into custody. 


<Begin log> 


Dr. Khansa: You claimed yesterday during 
your arrest that you created SCP-1695-1. Do 
you stand by this statement? 


Pol-1695-B: It is my work. My crowning 
achievement. 


Dr. Khansa: What led you to create the 
machine? 


Pol-1695-B: The circus needed an exciting 
new attraction to draw in the younger crowd, 
but roller coasters are too large and heavy to 
transport. So | say to the upside-down man, "I 
will make a ride we can take anywhere." Is still 
heavy, but we can move it. 


Dr. Khansa: Yet you were left behind with it in 
Estevan. 


Pol-1695-B: The upside-down man is very 
impatient. With him it is hurry, hurry, hurry, all 
the time. "SCP is coming! SCP is coming!" 
Pah. He said we did not have time to load up 


the machine, so he sent some men to destroy 
it. | stayed to stop them and the circus left me. 


Dr. Khansa: By "the circus", are you referring 
to the Circus Of The Disquieting or the Meat 
Circus? | understand you have ties to both 
groups. 


Pol-1695-B: Herman Fuller's Circus is a 
circus. Meat Circus is not a real circus. 


Dr. Khansa: "Not a real circus"? 


Pol-1695-B: In Moscow, there were men who 
called themselves the Meat Circus. | was 
among them. We were scientists and 
inventors. We created beautiful works of art. 


Dr. Khansa: My colleagues tell me that the 
Meat Circus specializes in anomalously 
altering human physiology. Is this what you 
consider to be your "art"? 


Pol-1695-B: The medium of the sculptor is 
clay. The medium of the painter is oil. The 
medium of the scientist is flesh. Sometimes we 
would sell our art, sometimes we would set it 
free. But that was many, many years ago. The 
upside-down man came to me and offered me 
a place at the Herman Fuller Circus, a circus 
with the ... the elephants and the clowns. A 
real circus. | continued to be an artist, but | had 
a sponsor. A patron to exhibit my work. 


Dr. Khansa: Please explain the process by 
which SCP-1695-1 functions. 


Pol-1695-B: No. 


Dr. Khansa: Mr. Kozlovsky, as we discussed 
earlier, things will be much easier for you in 


the long run if you cooperate with us now. 


Pol-1695-B: | know. | know your kind. I've 
seen it before. | am an ass to you. You hold 
out a carrot in front of my nose and a whip 
behind my back. | know your game and | will 
not play. 


Dr. Khansa: If you are aware that you will be 
rewarded for cooperation and you understand 
the consequences if you don't, why not make 
things easier for yourself? 


Pol-1695-B: Why? (Subject appears extremely 
agitated.) Because fuck you, that's why! 


<End log> 


Note: According to surviving witnesses 
present in the interviewing chamber at the 
time, Mr. Kozlovsky extended his tongue after 
making his final outburst. This was initially 
interpreted as a gesture of animosity; however, 
shortly afterward Mr. Kozlovsky removed his 
shoes and socks without the use of his hands 
(as they were bound behind his back), pinched 
his tongue between the toes of his left foot, 
and extracted his tongue from his mouth. 
Several seconds afterward, Mr. Kozlovsky's 
abdomen erupted as a result of an apparent 
explosive decompression. The blast destroyed 
the reinforced glass divider in the interview 
chamber, killing Dr. Knansa instantly and 
injuring several junior researchers who had 
been observing the interview. Samples of 
confetti were recovered from the blast site and 
inside Mr. Kozlovsky's remains. 


Footnotes 
1. Testing has shown that this is the same material found in SCP 
instances originating from Gol-192 (MacHOou YNpK, "Meat Circus" in 


English). For more information, please refer to documentation in 
theRussian database. 

2. The distal, intermediate, and proximal phalanges are the three 
sections of bone found in human fingers. 

3. A fibrous structural protein that makes up hair, fingernails, talons, 
and hooves. 


« SCP-1694 | SCP-1695 | SCP-1696 » 


SCP-1696: Dr. Wondertainment’s Little Big-Banger™ 


Item #: SCP-1696 
Object Class: Safe 


Special Containment Procedures: SCP-1696 is kept in the 
Research and Development Laboratory at Site-17. Level 3 approval 
is required for all experimentation with SCP-1696. After incident 
K-1696-3, experiments involving a negative baryon number violation 
are not permitted. 


Description: SCP-1696 consists of a one-meter-cubic box 
composed of an unknown clear polymer, plus an associated remote 
control device containing 12 numeric settings, in addition to "Stop," 
"Start," and "Reset" buttons. The outer packaging describes the item 
as Dr. Wondertainment’ s Little Big-Banger'™, and indicates it 
is an upgrade to Dr. Wondertainment’s Universe-in-a-Box™.1 


When a set of parameters is chosen on the remote control and the 
Start button pressed, a new universe is produced from a singularity 
within the SCP-1696 container, using the chosen parameters.2 The 
Stop button freezes any ongoing activity, and the Reset button 
dissipates the existing universe, allowing the experimenter to 
choose new parameters. 


The universe within SCP-1696 appears to be on a scale of 1m = 9.2 
x 1011 light years. Expansion occurs at an accelerated rate of 1 day 
= 1.965 billion years. 


SCP-1696 requires a refill of [REDACTED] after approximately 150 
experiments. A reorder card is included in the packaging. Although 
the address on the card is nonexistent, the Foundation has 
successfully ordered refills of [REDACTED] twice. Calls to the 
Technical Support division of Dr. Wondertainment have not revealed 
any significant information about the company. The calls have 
proven to be untraceable, and any questions about the company, its 


personnel, or other Dr. Wondertainment products are ignored. 


The box containing SCP-1696 activity has resisted all attempts at 
opening or gathering a sample of the material. In this regard, it 
resembles the outer substance of SCP-_ . Unopened, it has proven 
shatter-proof, radiation-proof and resistant to any temperature the 
Foundation can produce. 


Addendum: The following instructions were included with 
SCP-1696: 


Calling all teenage Physicists! Who needs a 
supercollider? Now with Dr. Wondertainment’s Little Big- 
Banger™ 

you can create and test your very own universes, in the 
privacy of your home. 


Just set your parameters and hit the Start button. BANG! 
You’ve just created your very own universe! 

Hit the Stop button to observe it closely, or just let it 
expand. If your universe isn’t entertaining enough, press 
the Reset button and try again... 


Your Dr. Wondertainment’s Little Big-Banger is best 
observed in a dark room, using Dr. Wondertainment's 
Hyper-Zoom Glasses! (included) 


Your Dr. Wondertainment’s Little Big-Banger™ allows 
you to change the following settings carried over from 
our previous 

Dr. Wondertainment’s Universe-in-a-Box™: 


¢ N = ratio of the strengths of gravity to that of 
electromagnetism; 

¢ Epsilon (¢) = strength of the force binding nucleons into 
nuclei; 

* Omega (W) = relative importance of gravity and 
expansion energy in the Universe; 

« Lambda (A) = cosmological constant; 

* Q =ratio of the gravitational energy required to pull a 
large galaxy apart to the energy equivalent of its mass; 


¢ D = number of spatial dimensions in spacetime. 
Along with 6 new settings: 
[DATA EXPUNGED] 


Why not try making a copy of YOUR universe within your 
Little Big-Banger™? 

Set the controls to [DATA EXPUNGED] and it will only 
take about a week! 


For additional safety, expansion of your universe will 
automatically stop when its border reaches 5cm of the 
outer container. 

To avoid interference with automatic sensors, do not 
bring magnets within 1 meter of your Little Big-Banger™. 


Cautions: Not recommended for use by children under 
the age of 9. 


Do not attempt to open the Dr. Wondertainment’s Little 
Big-Banger™ outer casing. 


Use only approved Dr. Wondertainment refills, hoses, 
and connectors with this product. 


Dr. Wondertainment is not responsible for the release of 
plasma, antimatter, dark matter, radiation (known and 
unknown varieties), or subatomic particles (including 
quarks, neutrinos, and Higgs bosons). In case of local 
quantum disturbances outside of container, call the 
Technical Support line at [REDACTED]. Production of 
sentient and/or sapient beings within universe may 
require a license in your local area. 


Footnotes 

1. The latter item has not, to date, been recovered by the 
Foundation. Field Order 1696-3 has been issued indicating any 
specimens found should be contained. 

2. Research into the similarity of function between SCP-1696 
andSCP-3049is pending. 


« SCP-1695 | SCP-1696 | SCP-1697 » 


SCP-1697: The Ecorché Father 


Item #: SCP-1697 
Object Class: Safe Neutralized 


Special Containment Procedures: SCP-1697 is to be contained in 
a standard humanoid containment cell. Given its anatomical 
deficiencies, measures have been taken to alleviate most 
discomfort, and provide simulated faculties of the integumentary 
system. A tissue-hydrating lotion is provided to maintain functioning 
musculature, and a superficial injection of a lidocaine solution is 
granted in moderation and at the discretion of project head. 


SCP-1697 is to be granted rehabilitation treatment for symptoms of 
extensive muscular acidosis. Certain equipment and secure areas 
have been authorized for use by the subject, during supervised 
exercise periods, granted twice weekly. These are all considered 
privileges, and may be revoked if the subject refuses cooperation, or 
at the discretion of the project head. 


Description: SCP-1697 is the animated body of the deceased Dr. 
Charles Lexi, former head of the Science Museum of Minnesota’s 
‘Body World’ exhibit, a public gallery dedicated to the function and 
display of the human body. In March of 2012, Lexi was diagnosed 
with cancer, at which time the tumors had spread beyond the point 
of treatment. Upon his death, the body was prepared for display in 
the museum, and its skin removed. Per the subject’s request, it was 
posed at a chessboard across from another body, in a ‘thinking’ 
stance, with its left leg crossing its right, its right arm gripping its calf, 
and its left arm leaning on its leg, with its head turned sideways. As 
part of the demonstration, a quarter of the subject’s skull was 
removed to reveal the brain. 


After being treated and put into position with a series of wires, the 
subject was in exhibition for six days, before experiencing a return to 
consciousness.! Upon Foundation intervention, SCP-1697 was 


recovered and emergency surgery was performed to mitigate any 
damage caused to it. Currently SCP-1697 is blind in one eye and 
suffers from damage similar to hypoxia in some regions of muscle 
tissue. Surgery performed includes the sculpting of an artificial skull- 
cap and the removal of all harnesses and wiring used to secure the 
subject for display. 


SCP-1697 does have a functioning circulatory system, although its 
blood is almost entirely composed of plasma. Testing reveals a 
small number of erythrocytes, well beneath the minimum hematocrit 
for bodily respiration. Electrolyte and plasma protein levels appear to 
be consistent with typical human blood, as well as hormones 
produced by a man of the same age as the subject. No leukocytes 
or platelets appear in blood samples, but despite this, SCP-1697 
has not experienced any illness, infections, or further adverse 
consequences resulting from its conditions since containment, 
besides the ones already mentioned. 


Notably, no tumors or remnants of the cancer that killed Charles 
Lexi are present in SCP-1697. 


Addendum 1697-1: Interview with SCP-1697, January 3rd, 2013 


Interviewed: SCP-1697, Dr. Charles Lexi, PhD 


Interviewer: Senior Researcher Dr. David Holmes, Level 
3, project head 


Foreword: This interview was held to establish a 
backstory on SCP-1697 and to uncover any information 
it might have on its current condition. 

<Begin Log, 18:32:28> 

Holmes: Good evening, 1697. 

SCP-1697: Good evening, Doctor Holmes. 

Holmes: We’re going to begin with your account of how 


you woke up. Afterwards we can discuss your personal 
history. 


SCP-1697: Phenomenal. I’m a fan of your 
professionalism, Doctor. 


Holmes: What is the last thing you remember before 
your condition? 


SCP-1697: By the time | was speaking to my family, the 
tumor had metastasized and spread through most of my 
body. The last thing | did while my head was clear was 
draft a few professional letters and say good bye to my 
wife. Then they put me on pain killers, and | fell asleep. 


Holmes: How did you wake up? 


SCP-1697: | wonder if there was morphine left in my 
system; it felt like | was coming down off of hard drugs. 
[laughs] | wasn't even in pain until | realized that | should 
be. No eye-lids, and such. Not as uncomfortable as you'd 
think, but | suppose most of the pain receptors are in the 
skin, so there you go... | come to in a rush, people see 
me moving, start screaming. | tried saying 'Well butter 
my biscuits and call me Sally, where's my skin’, but most 
of them seemed really put off by that. 


Holmes: Is there anything you can say that might be 
helpful in learning about what happened to leave you like 
this? 


SCP-1697: I’m fairly certain that I'm dead, mostly. It 
doesn’t feel the same, besides having the physical 
feeling. There are no words for it, | don’t think. 
[SCP-1697 hesitates for several seconds] It doesn't feel 
like being alive. It’s not, ah, frustrating. Or, empty. It only 
is, | guess. | have my memories, and | think | have my 
personality, and my heart keeps pumping, irrationally, 
but | don’t feel like | have what | had before. If it’s a soul, 
that I’m missing, | mean. | think that’s what’s moved on. 
And that’s fine. | don’t know what else to say, but | just 
am again. And that doesn't bother me anywhere near as 
much as you'd think. 


Holmes: Is there anything else we should know?