No major containment breaches were 
reported. Attack repelled quickly and with 
minimum casualties. Site engineers work to 
restore power. 


18 hours after Chaos Insurgency attack, power 
finally reaches SCP-538 Containment Cell. A 
sobbing Doctor is escorted from the 
chamber, claiming he could "feel them 
crawling" all over him. 


Doctor undergoes psychological therapy for 


D-9 Eda: Harris, look! Vog has sprouted four sets of tiny 
legs and is getting away! We have to go get him! 


D-9 Harris: But... but | wanted my jar of lemons with a 
Sprite poured over it. 


Addendum 80s-J.3: Post-Incident Review Log 


Dr. Kenning: Let me get this straight. You two, both 
experienced containment personnel with thirty years 
between the two of you, were unable to contain an entity 
you had in the back of your truck, thanks to the efforts of 
four prepubescent children? 


D-9 Harris: Prepubescent is a stretch. The Chinese one 
had some hair on that upper lip, he was getting there. 


Dr. Kenning: | don’t even know how to— do you have 
any idea what you did? 


D-9 Eda: Well... | mean, it could be worse, right? 


Dr. Kenning: What? No! It literally could not be worse, 
we are literally currently evacuating the site. Vog the 
Mutilator has brought about the end of the world, and it's 
you two numbnuts’ fault. 


D-9 Eda: Mmmmmmmm yeah, | think it may have said 
something about the end of the world, but... | don’t 
speak Canadian, so | wasn’t sure. 


D-9 Harris: So what now? 


Dr. Kenning: What now? We’re running for our lives! A 
dark cosmic god is literally right now descending upon us 
with its legions of skinflayers! 


D-9 Harris: Ahhhh, gotcha, gotcha. Cool. (Pauses) | 
never did see Dr. Kenning or Eda again. | heard Eda got 
a job back home, in Rochester, and lived with her aunt 
who owned a lesbian tattoo parlor in- 


Dr. Kenning: Wh- what are you doing? Who are you 
talking to? 


D-9 Eda: / still think about Harris, from time to time. | 
saw in the paper a while back where they named a 
school after him back in Little Rock, in honor of his 
bravery. He was the bravest man | ever- 


D-9 Harris: -and | wonder sometimes about those kids, 
and the adventure they had. About the adventure we all 
had, really. We all grew up a little bit that summer, really- 


D-9 Eda: (Singing) Don't, you... 


D-9 Harris: -something we'd think about for years 
afterwards. And even though we all grew up and went 
our seperate ways- 


D-9 Eda: (Singing) -forget about me. Don't, don't, don't, 
don't... 


Dr. Kenning: Who are you talking to? Why are you 
singing? Who are you talking to!? 


D-9 Harris: -you know what? Maybe Vog was just the 
friends we made along the way. 


Dr. Kenning: (/ncoherent Screaming) 


Footnotes 

1. | hide nothing. 
2. He’s a big eater. 
3. | admit nothing. 


SCP-1-800-J: SUPPLIES ARE LIMITED 


Item #: SCP-1-800-J 
Object Class: LIMITED TIME OFFER! 


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permanent physical or mental trauma! 


Description: Are you tired of anomalous items CONSTANTLY 
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Companies like Marshall, Carter, and Dark Ltd. and Dr. 
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Addendum: To order, call 1-800- - . The SCP Foundation is not responsible 
for any accidents, injuries, or casualties caused by misuse of SCP-1-800-J. Please 
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Footnotes 
1. Even Grandma! 
2. Plus shipping and handling 


SCP-1394-J: Upside-Down Connector 


Item #: SCP-1394-J 
Object Class: Euclid 


Special Containment Procedures: SCP-1394-J escaped 
containment in 1995, and all attempts to return it to containment 
have been unsuccessful. Current containment efforts involve 
supplanting SCP-1394-J with a replacement standard (see Project 
Thunderbolt), which has met with limited success to date. 


Description: SCP-1394-J is any instance of a rectangular connector 
adhering to the Universal Serial Bus (USB) Type A standard, such 
as found on typical wired computer keyboards and mice. All known 
instances of SCP-1394-J demonstrate anomalous behavior when 
attempting to insert them into a corresponding USB Type A 

socket. No matter how carefully the user studies the orientation of 
SCP-1394-J and socket, during the initial insertion attempt 
SCP-1394-J will invariably be found to be upside-down. When the 
user flips SCP-1394-J over and attempts to re-insert it, it will again 
be found to be upside-down. In no case can SCP-1394-J be 
correctly inserted prior to the third attempt, and an average of four 
attempts are required before SCP-1394-J is oriented correctly. 


While this behavior does not directly harm users of SCP-1394-u, it 
requires users to spend additional time continually re-orienting 
SCP-1394-J in order to successfully connect it. The lost productivity 
due to this wasted time has been calculated at . billion USD. 


SCP-SPOOKY-J: A Veteran Of The Skeleton War 


Item #: SCP-SPOOKY-J 
Object Class: Safe Euclid 


Spooky Containment Procedures: SCP-SPOOKY-J cannot be 
faithfully contained due to the nature of its being. In the event that 
SCP-SPOOKY-J manifests outside of its containment chamber it is 
to be escorted back to its chamber and recontained. 


SCP-SPOOKY-u's containment chamber is a standard humanoid 
containment chamber with a single-lock security door to ensure 
simple recontainment. 


Description: SCP-SPOOKY-J is visually identical to a typical 
human skeleton standing 1.72 meters in height and weighing 5.44 
kilograms. The skull, face, and jaw structure of SCP-SPOOKY-d is 
completely flexible and grants it the ability to make a range of facial 
expressions despite its lack of muscles or flesh. As well, SCP- 
SPOOKY-J is capable of vocalization and sapient thought. 


SCP-SPOOKY-J is capable of vanishing and manifesting at will to 
any location within 66.6 meters from its original position during the 
month of any major commercial holiday. Individuals in the location of 
SCP-SPOOKY-u's manifestation often report a subtle rattling noise 
originating somewhere behind them. Individuals exposed to SCP- 
SPOOKY-J and its anomalous effects are to be administered class- 
A amnestics prior to recontainment of the entity. 


When interacting with living human subjects, SCP-SPOOKY-J will 
typically display verbally aggressive behavior often in the form of 
insults and challenges to physical altercations. Despite this 
behavior, SCP-SPOOKY-J has yet to seriously or purposefully injure 
a living subject out of observable malice. SCP-SPOOKY-J displays 
an anomalous understanding of individual subjects' mothers and 
sisters where these relations are applicable. 


+ Entry Incident 10/28/2016 


The following incident took place between Dr. 
Randy M. Filler and SCP-SPOOKY-J prior to a 
re-containment incident. 


Dr. Filler: WHAT THE FUCK. AGAIN? SCP- 
SPOOKY-J YOU INSUFFERABLE FUCK, 
STAY THE FUCK IN YOUR CHAMBER 
BEFORE | BEAT YOUR SORRY ASS! 


SCP-SPOOKY-J: YOU CAN'T TELL ME 
WHAT TO DO YOU SKIN SACK, DAVY 
BONES DOES AS HE PLEASES! 


Dr. Filler: DO YOU EVEN CARE ANYMORE? 
THIS IS WHY NOBODY VISITS YOU 
ANYMORE JESUS YOU'RE SO FUCKING 
ANNOYING. 


SCP-SPOOKY-J: SHUT YOUR DONG 
SLOPPER, FUCKBOY! YOU CAN'T RATTLE 
THESE BONES, YOU CAN'T RUSTLE 
THESE JIMMIES! 


Dr. Filler: SPOOKY-J IF YOU KEEP THIS 
SHIT UP I'M GOING TO CALL SECURITY 
DOWN HERE AND GET YOU TERMINATED 
IF YOU DON'T- 


SCP-SPOOKY-J: YOU'RE GOING TO WHAT, 
KILL ME? I'LL FUCK YOU UP, BITCH! THEN 
I'LL FUCK YOUR MOTHER! I'LL NOSCOPE 
YOU, | SWEAR TO GOD. 


Dr. Filler: WHY DO YOU HAVE TO DO THIS 
EVERY YEAR, JESUS YOU ABSOLUTE 
TWAT WAFFLE. 


SCP-SPOOKY-J: SUCK MY SKELEBALLS! 
SCP-SPOOKY-J and Dr. Filler proceeded to 


argue for several minutes before Dr. Filler 
was removed from the observation room 
and dismissed from active duty in Site-12, 
and has been placed on paid leave. 


+ Entry Incident 11/23/2016 


SCP-SPOOKY-J appeared in the cafeteria 
of Site-12 and began to collect all of the 
uneaten holiday food into several trash 
bags, before disappearing from staff 
perception. It then appeared in the quarters 
of Dr. Randy M. Filler, and smeared 
cranberry sauce across the surface of his 
desk before consuming large amounts of 
bread stuffing. 


SCP-SPOOKY-J: IT'S THANKSGIVING 
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! 


Dr. Filler: You asshole! You ruined my novel! 


SCP-SPOOKY-J continues to consume 
excessive amounts of stuffing where it 
exits SCP-SPOOKY-u's body through its rib 
cage and is now coating the floor. 


Dr. Filler: Why are you doing this?! You don't 
even have a stomach you fuckwit! 


SCP-SPOOKY-J: | DO IT BECAUSE | LOVE 
YOU DAD! 


SCP-SPOOKY-J throws the rest of the bag 
at the wall where it bursts open above Dr. 

Filler's bed and proceeds to run out of the 
room before security can arrive. Dr. Filler 

has hence requested a transfer to another 
site. Request pending. 


+ Entry Incident 12/24-25/2016 


19:50 SCP-SPOOKY-J exits its containment 
chamber undetected. 


20:30 The hub caps from all vehicles in 
Site-12's staff garage go missing and are not 
found for several hours. 


23:14 Dozens of large gift-wrapped boxes 
appear in the common area of Site-12 while 
the room is vacated. 


01:10 SCP-SPOOKY-J reappears in its 
containment chamber displaying erratic 
excited behavior. It is wearing a green Santa 
hat at this time. 


07:50 An announcement is made that staff 
vehicles have been vandalized, and on-site 
personnel display warranted agitation. 


10:35 Various personnel enter the common 
area of Site-12 and discover the gift-wrapped 
boxes. On the wall farthest from the doorway 
the statement "Merry Christmas fuckboys" is 
painted in expired gravy. 


10:55 All gift-wrapped presents are opened by 
an EOD team and are all discovered to contain 
the stolen hub caps from the staff garage. 


A request has been submitted to the 
administrative board on the topic of the 
termination and archival of SCP-SPOOKY-J to 
prevent future nuisances and possible hazards 
to Site-12. 


+ Entry Incident 02/14/2017 


Dr. Randy M. Filler received an anonymous 
package containing a human tibia, and a letter, 
reading: 


"This Valentine's Day, I'd like to be your 
fuckboy. From, Yours Spookily." 


Contents of the package have been moved to 
forensic storage. 


Dr. Filler has requested an indeterminate leave 
of absence after receiving this package. 
Request, again, denied. 


Footnotes 

1. Dr. Filler reported SCP-SPOOKY-J having been in his closet for 
several hours quietly singing the song Hound Dog, by Elvis Presley, 
replacing the phrase "Hound Dog" with "Fuckboy". 


his new-found arachnophobia. Containment 
protocol updated, Doctor was reassigned. 


« SCP-537 | SCP-538 | SCP-539 » 


SCP-2559-J: Portal to the Plane of Infinite Kittens 


Item #: SCP-2559-J 
Object Class: Keter 


Special Containment Procedures: As of this time SCP-2559-J is 
currently contained at the bottom of Site but when its outflow finally 
breaches the top of Site containment will rapidly become 
impossible. 


Description: SCP-2559-J is the result of the interaction between the 
use of SCP- andacareless researcher and can be used as a 
reminder of what can happen when research methods are not kept 
to. 


SCP-2559-J is a "rip" in space-time created when Dr. sliced 
through reality utilising SCP- .SCP- allowed the user to cut 
through to the reality of their choice and create a portal which matter 
could pass through. At the time of the creation of SCP-2559-J 

Dr. was supposed to be investigating a supposed "naziverse" 
that existed parallel to our own. 


When the slice was created and opened security logs show masses 
of kittens, of various breeds, filling up the portal before being ejected 
with massive force instantly killing Dr. and her team of 
assistants. Within moments the room had filled with kittens and they 
began to exert massive pressures on the surrounding doors before 
breaking through and began to fill Site . 


Fortunately Site was built inside the crater of Site , which had been 
destroyed a number of years previously during a possible XK class 
breach and so the portal was located some 5.6km (3.5 miles) below 
ground. Since the opening of SCP-2559-J kittens have been spilling 
out at a fixed rate of roughly 11.36l/s (8gal/s) with a massive amount 
of pressure. 


Foundation researchers have attempted to exterminate the kittens to 
reach and close SCP-2559-J but have found that the mass of 
kittens, or kitten-pile as it is commonly called, appears to be 
invulnerable to conventional weapons and can exist without 
impairment at massive pressures or temperatures. 


Any individual kitten removed from the pile becomes unremarkable 
in every way and merges seamlessly with the pile when returned. 
Due to this SCP-2559-J has received Keter level of Classification 
and unless a solution can be found soon it will become 
uncontainable. 


Addendum: 


According to Dr. Rights, considered by many to be The Foundation's 
foremost expert on kittens, SCP-2559-J is apparently a portal to 
"The Plane of Infinite Kittens." Apparently this dimension is nothing 
but an infinitely large kitten pile and may be the place from which all 
kittens come from. This would explain why the kittens were ejected 
from SCP-2559-J with such force as the pressure exerted by the pile 
on any given location would be astronomical. 


Attempts to reach the portal have so far failed as the kitten pile 
exerts a stupefying effect on anyone who enters it rendering them 
incapable of performing any action other than curling up and going 
to sleep until they sink to the point where the pressure exerted by 
the mass of kittens crushes them. 


Please note any and all attempts to cause mass termination or 
destruction of the kitten pile or Site has been met with massive 
levels of irrational violence on the part of Dr. Rights and Agent Tam. 
Caution is advised when attempting to pursue a solution to this 
problem. 


SCP-TLDR-J: An Easily Digestible Document 


Item #: SCP-TLDR-J 
Length Class: Too