SCP-3500-1-216 


2017-02-22 


at the neck, and kept 
in a fluid filled glass 
container possessing 
an electronic 
cryogenic temperature 
regulation mechanism. 
Whenever it is 
observed, Dr. Roget 
will receive a call on 
his work, home, or 
cellular phone, 
depending upon his 
current location. Upon 
answering, Dr. Roget 
will be greeted by a 
voice claiming to also 
be Ralph Roget, but 
from a future point in 
time.’ Conversations 
tend to center around 
past, present, and 
future events of Dr. 
Roget's life8 as well as 
a continual attempt to 
convince Dr. Roget to 
take control of Site-77 
through assassination 
of the current director. 
Dr. Roget continues to 
ignore such attempts, 
but has requested that 
the entity be placed in 
a chamber where 
observation will not be 
possible. This request 
has been denied, and 
authorization has 
been granted to 
monitor these Caiis. 
On February 2nd, 


2017, Dr. Roget 
contacted site security 
and notified them of 
another SCP-3500-1 
manifestation. Upon 
arriving at Dr. Roget's 
office, security found 
him standing three 
meters from the door, 
with his sidearm 
drawn and pointed at 
the entrance. Upon 
being questioned, he 
panicked, and fired 
two rounds into the 
door, after which the 
sound of something 
large being dragged 
across the floor could 
be heard. 
SCP-3500-1-216 
proceeded to destroy 
both the door and the 
frame with great force, 
via Dr. Roget's desk 
having fused to the 
entity's arms. Three 
security personnel 
were incapacitated by 
flying debris at which 
time Dr. Roget fled the 
scene. Additional 
security personnel 
were deployed, and 
successfully subdued 
the instance following 
several physical 
engagements. More 
thorough analysis, 
following containment, 


Subject had no previous knowledge of. 


« SCP-451 | SCP-452 | SCP-453 » 


lead researchers to 
discover that the entity 
possessed a tail, 
stinger, and arms 
analogous to those 
found in Arizona Bark 
Scorpions.2 Dr. Roget 
submitted a request 
for additional security 
personnel to be 
stationed near his 
office. This request 
has been approved. 


As of 2017-4-20, Director Shirley Gillespie has authorized increased 
surveillance of Dr. Roget, in order to ensure his safety, following 
SCP-3500-1-216's manifestation. As Dr. Roget's mental state has 
improved, in part thanks to psychological treatment, further 
restrictions beyond surveillance are not necessary at this time. 


Update 2017-4-21: 


As of this version of SCP-3500's documentation, the anomaly's 
effects have spread beyond Dr. Ralph Roget to Dir. Jean Karlyle 
Aktus, Dir. Sherry and Leep Andrews, Dir. Tilda R. Moose, and Dr. 
Penelope Panagiotopolous. Due to this sudden spread of 
SCP-3500's effects, an upgrade of the anomaly's object class from 
Euclid to Keter has been filed, and is currently pending. 


WARNING, ATTEMPTED ACCESS DETECTED 


PLEASE ENTER LEVEL 5 CREDENTIALS OR PATAPHYSICS DEPA 


Hi there. This is all a little obtuse, isn't it? 
That's unfortunately just the nature of our 
work, but I'll do my best to lay this out in plain 
English. 


On the 8th of October 2016, the Pataphysics 
department began the implementation of joint 


projects - Operation Flat Horizon and 
Operation OverMeta. The goal of these 
projects was simple, if rather ambitious: total 
unification of the full narrative bulk, into a 
single cohesive plane. Flat Horizon was more 
subtle, utilising the biases of swn001-1 entities 
to effect them toward the linking of data points 
in order to chip away at the rougher edges of 
the bulk. If Flat Horizon was a pick, OverMeta 
was more of a sledgehammer. We targeted a 
single swn001-1 entity, Rimple, and used 
them to establish a minor canon. More 
importantly, we introduced Dr. Huever's 
Hypercanon theory, which provided a 
conceptual basis for a fully unified canon. 


This is hard. | apologise. I'm used to throwing 
down jargon. When you bullshit enough, it 
comes true, especially when you live ina 
rumour and your colleagues are fictional 
characters. 


OverMeta was, much to everyone's surprise, a 
success. We didn't take canon by a storm, but 
certainly we've seen ripples. 56 planes and 
counting have moved into state of narrative 
intersection with the project, and SCP-3621 
has since been introduced to the bulk, utilising 
many of Pataphysics' core concepts to form a 
distinct channel between baseline canon and a 
notable narrative package previously out of our 
reach. Similarly, SCP-3999 now acts asa 
communicative interface between us and 
swn001-1 entities. 


It comes down to this: When we decided to 
make canon collapse, we didn't expect it to 
actually, you know, collapse. These pillars 
through canon - characters with direct 
channels to their creators - were being 


squashed down and down until, just a few 
weeks ago, they started to burst, retroactively 
spilling out into the main canon bulk. Just Dr. 
Roget at first, one of those weird things that 
happens to researchers like him. I'd say he 
was relieved it was as harmless as it was. But 
then it started spreading. Directors Aktus 
and Moose, the Andrews couple over in 
Site-234, and then me. 


| was the last straw, obviously. Doesn't do to 
have reality rupturing around your head 
researchers, but when living rumours start 
splattering into baseline truth, things have 
properly gone tits up. Estimates indicate that 
complete narrative collapse is likely to occur 
within the next 16 months, at which point... 
well, Flat Horizon's job will be complete. A flat 
plane. Worlds squashed together, 
inconsistencies crushed underneath the 
incomparable momentum of human thought. 


If it's not yet clear, our current actions are 
utterly futile. MTF-I-0 is not going to find some 
holy grail of meta bullshittery. Our scouts 
aren't going to save the world by invading the 
conceptual sludge. 


Which brings me to this: 


There's a simple solution. One which the 
others haven't thought of yet. They're not 
idiots, they will, just not as fast as | have. The 
solution is that we talk to you directly. Break 
out that listpages module and snap you out of 
your seat for half a second when you see your 
username. Hello, |'ll wave. It's me, Penelope, 
being meta. Welcome to the Note At The Ena". 


All this is breaking your suspension of 
disbelief. It has to. No person withstands this 


much acknowledgement of fictionality without 
feeling detached. That's important. | want you 
to remember I'm not real. That this article is 
written by one of you - two of you, now, if my 
readings are correct - and there's no need to 
incorporate it into how you see our reality. | 
need you to think "Yeah, alright, | guess that 
was kinda fun, but obviously it's not CANON". 
You know the drill... 


There is no canon. 


This is Penelope Panagiotopolous (one of 
them, at least), signing out. 


Footnotes 

1. SeeRGT seednode 

2. SeeNon-writer Entities and Their Influence: A Theory on Narrative 
Rootspace, Panagiotopolous et al. 

3. On May 5th, 2012, 3 SCP-3500-1 instances appeared within 24 
hours of each other; whereas the largest gap between 
manifestations was between October 30th 2015, and February 3rd, 
2016. 

4. SeeJust Trust Us On This One, We're Pretty Sure We're Right, 
Huever et al. 

5. Later determined to be analogous to those ofPhoeniconais ruber 
ruber 

6. Dr. Roget has refused to answer any and all questions regarding 
his initial encounter with the entity 

7. The date from which SCP-3500-1-170 is calling changes with 
each subsequent incident. 

8. Most events discussed concerning Dr. Roget's future have failed 
to occur. 

9. The arms were noted to lack claws. 


SCP-3501: The Storyteller of Isfahan 


Item #: SCP-3501 
Object Class: Safe 


Special Containment Procedures: SCP-3501 has been removed 
from its original location in Isfahan, lran, and taken to a Secure 
Holding Facility in Site 90, the headquarters of the Unreality 
Division. 


Testing on and entry into SCP-3501 is currently suspended. 
Experiment 3501-101 was given special sanction by the O5 Council. 


Description: SCP-3501 is a small coffeehouse originally located in 
the city of Isfahan, Iran. Externally, SCP-3501 appears as a small 
cubical structure, approximately 9m3 in size (the equivalent to 3 
lranian pank'a), with a cobalt-coloured dome protruding from the 
roof. It has been dated to the 17th century. 


The interior of SCP-3501 consists of a single large room. With each 
visit into SCP-3501, the room is decorated in a different style. Each 
style originates from a different Iranian period and city. Several 
containers of coffee, hookah pipes, and other beverages can be 
found within SCP-3501, alongside bowls of dates and pistachio nuts. 
A number of books of poetry and a set of backgammon are also 
visible, sometimes being utilised by the SCP-3501-2 instances. A 
fireplace can be seen at one end; this is only lit between the Autumn 
and Spring equinoxes. 


SCP-3501 is inhabited by SCP-3501-1 and a number of 
SCP-3501-2 instances. SCP-3501-1 is a humanoid with a variable 
appearance, taking on a different age and gender for each visitor. 
SCP-3501-1 appears to take the role of a storyteller. The 
SCP-3501-2 instances are a series of 5-10 humanoids who reside 
within SCP-3501. The SCP-3501-2 instances present change with 
each visit. SCP-3501-2 instances can ordinarily be found talking 


amongst themselves, reading poetry or playing backgammon; they 
will not acknowledge any outside visitor unless said visitor attempts 
to disturb them, at which point the SCP-3501-2 instances will insult 
or push away the visitor. 


Only one individual can enter SCP-3501 at any one time. Should 
any individual enter SCP-3501, SCP-3501-1 will urge the visitor to 
sit down on a chair and take some form of refreshment. The 
invariable response of all visitors is to silently follow the instructions 
of SCP-3501-1, leading researchers to believe that they are affected 
by some form of cognitohazard. 


Once they are seated, SCP-3501-1 begins to tell the visitor a story. 
This story appears to be derived from events in the life of the visitor, 
although the setting and context are often altered or left vague. 
Once the SCP-3501-1 instance has finished telling the story, any 
camera feeds and sensory equipment sent into SCP-3501 with the 
visitor will immediately be cut off. Approximately 30 minutes after 
this occurs, visitors can once again enter SCP-3501. It is unknown 
what happens to the visitor, but no sign of previous visitors have 
been noticed on subsequent visits. 


Following a visit, the story told by SCP-3501-1 will abruptly become 
part of the oral tradition of the surrounding region. Those who recite 
it will insist that they were taught it by their parents of other 
forebears in a tradition stretching back centuries. Local historians 
will sometimes present a history of the story's development, despite 
a lack of evidence for such a story existing before SCP-3501-1's 
recitation. 


SCP-3501 was first discovered in June 1913, when Foundation 
researcher and prominent Orientalist Dr. James Scott went missing 
on a research trip in Iran. Foundation investigations managed to 
recover his camera- which had apparently been thrown out onto the 
street- and eventually discover SCP-3501. A legend referring to the 
"Frankish creator of perfect images" was later discovered to be a 
fixture of local Isfahani lore, with local historians claiming that it has 
been circulated since the 16th century. 


The logs of Experiments 3501-29, 3501-56 and 3501-77 have been 
included below, as examples of SCP-3501's effects. 


+Experiment 3501-29 


Subject: D-6952, a native of Las Vegas who 
had been convicted of murder. 


Date: 17/06/1935 
<Begin Log> 


D-6952 enters SCP-3501. The room is 
decorated in a style reminiscent of early 20th 
century Tehran. Five SCP-3501-2 instances 
can be seen drinking coffee. SCP-3501-1 has 
taken the form of a man in his 20s. 


SCP-3501-1: Good evening, child. Please, 
take some coffee, some tobacco. We share 
everything in this house. 


D-6952 sits on a cushion opposite 
SCP-3501-1, and inhales from a nearby 
hookah pipe. 


SCP-3501-1: There, there we go. Now, listen, 
my child, to my story. There was once a boy 
from a desert city, a place of vice and sin. This 
boy was born into anger and hatred, and knew 
no other life. His father surrendered to his 
passions, beating his wife and child on 
innumerable occasions. Once he was grown, 
the boy fled into the desert, away from the 
drunken cruelties of his childhood. 


In the desert, he met people who took him in. 
They showed him some form of kindness for 
the first time in his life. He rode with them, 
feeling the whistle of the wind in his ears, and 
they took it upon themselves to commit all 
kinds of abhorrent acts. They would murder, 
maim, steal, across the country. They would 
kill without a care, and knew not what it was to 


sin. They were the worst of people, the most 
abhorred and hated of sinners. 


The boy had not always been so. He was once 
sweet, and curious, and inquisitive. It was only 
the terrible beatings the boy had suffered at 
the hands of his father which had turned him 
this way. And unlike his cohorts, the boy was 
aware of this. The boy had memories of a life 
when he was happy, and dreams of a life 
which had turned out differently. These 
provided no comfort and no succour, however; 
only resentment and hatred. 


One day, the boy turned back, and travelled to 
his desert city. His mother had died many 
years before, but he found his father, drunk in 
a tavern, his faced buried in vomit and wine. 
The boy took his musket, and shot his father 
until he died. The Shah's men found the boy 
laughing over the ruin of his life. They took him 
to a deep and dark pit from which he would 
never emerge. 


And so, fathers, listen well: care for your 
children, lest you lose them entirely! For it is 
your purpose to create good, honourable, 
merciful and righteous people. Deviate from 
your duty and only heartache will follow. 


At this point, all communications are cut off. 
<End Log> 


Notes: Variants of this story were 
subsequently found to exist in several 
communities near Site 90. It was turned into a 
song by noted country musician in 
1956, entitled "The Vegas Rider". 


+Experiment 3501-56 


Subject: D-7052, a native of New York City 
who had been convicted of embezzlement. 


Date: 03/06/1959. 
<Begin Log> 


D-7052 enters SCP-3501. The room is 
decorated in a style reminiscent of 16th 
century Kashan. Nine SCP-3501-2 instances 
can be seen reading poetry. SCP-3501-1 has 
taken the form of a woman in her 30s. 


SCP-3501-1: Come, my girl, come. Sit with me 
a while, and listen to a tale of weakness. 


D-7052 sits on a cushion facing SCP-3501-1. 


SCP-3501-1: There was once a woman from a 
city in the east. This woman gained a living by 
serving one of the mighty towers which littered 
the landscape, bearing down upon the citizens 
beneath. The lords of these towers were the 
chief among merchants, and controlled the 
flow of gold and silver from China to 
Farangistan. The citizens below hated and 
feared them. 


The woman was able to see the activities of 
the lords; their ledgers, their abacuses, their 
reports. She knew of the paper vaults where 
they kept all of their money. She was sorely 
tempted by these, but resisted, for she knew of 
the folly of theft. But what she did was driven 
out of fear, not righteousness, for she knew 
little of good and evil. She stared at the 
numbers on the page, day after day, willing 
herself not to commit a sin she did not even 
recognise. 


One day, a fellow clerk was elevated above his