Notes: The autopsy revealed that the subject’s whole body, while 
physically unchanged outside, had been converted inside into a 
series of linked organs that allowed the subject to create massive 
amounts of sperm and release it via existing orifices at a high rate. 
Initial soasms and convulsions were apparently a series of near- 
continuous orgasms suffered by the patient. The expelled semen 
began exiting the body through all major orifices, and the autopsy 
also shows that channels were forming beneath the subject's skin, 
perhaps eventually leading to expelling of the seminal fluid through 
the pores as well. It is theorized by researcher that the 
severity of the subject’s Satyriasis may be a factor in its mutation 
rate. Testing on the collected seminal fluid indicated that it was 
completely sterile. Observers reported during post-observation 
interviews that they have become aroused more easily then normal, 


Though we respect your decision to remove 
them from our possession, we have since 
constructed an altar to help us worship and 
develop a stronger connection our saviour, 
which should suffice for worship. Permission to 
conduct periodic pilgrimages to their resting 
place would be a great boon to our order, 
although given our recent conduct | 
understand if you deny us that privilege. 


As a gift, and some small manner of 
recompense, the attached package contains a 
fine bottle of Marrow and a complimentary 
zipper (on the off chance that you ever feel like 
opening up). 


Yours faithfully, 
Ischium 


Footnotes 

1. 2508 of which are currently possessed by the Foundation 

2. While MTF Chi-9 ("Page Turners") was initially employed to 
remove such media from public circulation, the abnormal nature of 
said media seems to result in 97% of subjects believing it to be 
fictional. 

3. Created by unbelievers (the Skinned) to turn others away from 
faith. 

4. A title given to the senior lama of a Buddhist monastery, and often 
equated with the Christian title of ‘Abbot'. Presumably referring here 
to SCP-3716-A-1 

5. Later identified as "Dippy", an exhibit that had been touring the 
UK for some weeks previously. 


SCP-3717: Pickl'd Punkz 


Item #: SCP-3717 
Object Class: Safe 


Special Containment Procedures: Outside of testing, all instances 
of SCP-3717 are to be kept together in a small Humanoid 
Containment Chamber within the low-security wing of Site 17. Media 
devices provided to SCP-3717 must be voice controlled. 


Twice daily, one scoop (28 grams) of powdered baby formula is to 
be sprinkled into each instance’s jar. Instances are permitted to 
select from available flavours. Personnel assigned to this task are 
encouraged to engage SCP-3717 in conversation and report any 
requests or concerns to Dr. Valdez. 


Psychiatric sessions are to be conducted on a bi-weekly basis. As 
an incentive for cooperation, SCP-3717 may be placed ona 
customized secured dolly and taken on excursions around their 
containment wing. Supervised interaction with other residents of Site 
17 is permitted. 


Description: SCP-3717 is the collective designation for three 
stillborn, malformed infants preserved in glass jars filled with an 
anomalous solution of formaldehyde and amniotic fluid. 


Although dead on a cellular level, each instance possesses adult 
level human intelligence and sensory capabilities, which do not 
appear to be impeded by their fluid environment. SCP-3717 are 
capable of producing speech by inducing their jars to emit sound 
vibrations via an unknown method. Instances are also capable of 
limited movement within their jars. Powdered food placed within their 
jars appears to be absorbed through the skin, though no waste 
products have been observed to be excreted. 


Instances claim that they will ‘suffocate"' if removed from their 


solution. This has not been confirmed via testing. 


SCP-3717-01 is a hermaphroditic infant that appears to possess 
craniotomy scars along the top of its head. Neuroimaging has 
revealed that SCP-3717-01's cranium is filled with several marbles. 


SCP-3717-02 is a male infant missing the left half of its cranium, 
with its brain having been replaced with a mass of dust, lint, dead 
skin cells and spider webs. 


Notably, neither SCP-3717-01 or -02 seem to suffer any cognitive 
impairment because of their missing brain matter. 


SCP-3717-03 is a pair of female syncephalus? conjoined twins. Skin 
pigmentation is entirely absent. It is unclear (possibly even to itself) 
whether SCP-3717-03 possesses a singular consciousness or two 
distinct but similar minds. 


DNA analysis of SCP-3717 has revealed that they are genetically 
human as well as half-siblings, all possessing the same father. 


Recovery: SCP-3717 were discovered inside of a leather strongbox 
on the County fairgrounds by Mobile Task Force Kappa 14 “AH! 
Sideshow Bob!” who were investigating reports of recent Gol-233 
activity. Adjacent promotional material referred to SCP-3717 as 
“Papa’s Precociously Provocative Pickl'd Punkz!”. 


Initial Containment Interview: 
Interviewer: Junior Researcher Luna Valdez 
Interviewees: SCP-3717 
<Begin log> 


Dr. Valdez: Hello there. My name is Dr. Valdez and I'll 
be overseeing your containment for the— 


SCP-3717-01: | want my phone call! 


Dr. Valdez: ...| beg your pardon? 


SCP-3717-01: | know my rights, Essie! | want my phone 
call! 


Dr. Valdez: Prisoners don’t actually have a legal right to 
a phone call, that’s just a common courtesy. More 
importantly, this is not a prison. Think of it more like a 
long-term care facility. Your health and well-being are 
our utmost— 


SCP-3717-02: Do people make wine in the toilets? 
Dr. Valdez: It’s...been known to happen. 
SCP-3717-02: Yeah, we’re in prison. 


SCP-3717-01: | demand a lawyer, or an actor who’s so 
method they actually got a law degree! 


Dr. Valdez: You’re not being charged with anything. 
We're not a prison. We're here to help. 


SCP-3717-02: Then why are you behind bulletproof 
glass? 


Dr. Valdez: It’s just standard procedure for new 
anomalies. We don’t know what you’re capable of. 


SCP-3717-01: We're frickin’ babies! We’re in jars! Child- 
proof jars to boot! 


Dr. Valdez: | realize you're likely harmless, but we need 
to do some observations and tests before we... 


SCP-3717-01: Oh God, they’re gonna vivisect us! We’re 
in Harry Harlow's lab! 


Dr. Valdez: No, | assure you all the tests will be 
minimally invasive. A biopsy will be the worst of it. For 
the moment, I’m just gathering some intel on you. 


SCP-3717-01: God Almighty! They told us Essie was 
evil, but | never thought you would stoop to 


waterboarding babies! Torture me all you want! I'll never 
crack! 


Dr. Valdez: No one is going to torture you. I’m just going 
to ask a few questions, and you’re free to answer them 
or not as you choose. My first question is how did you 
end up with the Circus of the Disquieting? 


SCP-3717-02: | guess you could say we were born to it. 
None of us remembers anything before waking up in 
these things. 


Dr. Valdez: Did you never ask where you came from? 


SCP-3717-03: Oh sure, lots of times. Herman would say 
that after having some fun with a lady friend sometimes 
they'd have an accident, and she would come trying to 
get some money out of him for it. 


SCP-3717-01: | ain't sayin’ they were gold diggers, but 
they weren't messing with no broke— 


SCP-3717-03: Spratz, you can't say that! We've been 
over this! 


SCP-3717-02: Herman said that where lesser men 
would flee — or worse, succumb to the manacles of 
matrimony — he saw an opportunity. 


SCP-3717-03: After putting his lady friend 'in her place’ 
as he called it, he'd take her to the Amazing Zoltan, our 
alchemical consultant, and after a little razzmatazz the 

lady would have no cause to pester him for money and 
he'd have a brand new attraction. 


SCP-3717-01: We've been disgusting visitors in the Den 
of Freaks ever since! 


Dr. Valdez: (pauses) You're saying that you’re all... 


SCP-3717-02: The aborted bastards of Herman Fuller, 
dear old dad. 


SCP-3717-03: Not that we were ever allowed to call him 
that. 


SCP-3717-01: He wasn't all bad though. He did teach us 
some barbershop songs. 


Dr. Valdez: |'m sorry, barbershop songs? 
SCP-3717-01: Hit it! 
All instances of SCP-3717: 


Mr. Sandman (bum, bum, bum) bring me a dream 
(bum bum bum bum) 
Make him the cutest that I've ever seen 
(bum bum bum bum) 
Give him two lips like roses and clover 
(bum bum) 
Then tell him that his lonesome nights are over 


Mr. Sandman— 


Dr. Valdez: That's sufficient. | don't need a 
demonstration. That was your act at the Circus? 


SCP-3717-02: Not at first. Herman just wanted us to 
creep people out. But after he got the boot, Icky 
reimagined the Den a little. She wanted the Freaks to 
proudly display their talents, wanted us to be proud of 
what we were, have some dignity. We liked to sing, so 
she let us sing. 


Dr. Valdez: Speaking of talents, do you three have any 
active anomalous properties we should know about? 


SCP-3717-01: | may have been Grover Cleveland in two 
nonconsecutive past lives. 


SCP-3717-02: Sorry doc, no magic powers here. What 
you see is what you get. 


Dr. Valdez: Any special needs? We're able to meet most 


reasonable requests. 


SCP-3717-01: Does a mind-controlled, fusion-powered 
mech-suit count as reasonable? 


Dr. Valdez: (pauses) No. 


SCP-3717-01: Fine, it can be fission-powered, but I'm 
not responsible for disposing of the radioactive waste! 


SCP-3717-02: An ounce of formula twice a day is all we 
need. A little company now and then wouldn't go 
unappreciated either. We're good with people. 


SCP-3717-03: Well, mostly, but Spratz does sometimes 
get on people's nerves. He goes a little heavy on the 
dead baby humour. 


SCP-3717-01: We're dead babies! It's appropriate! 


SCP-3717-03: You know, life wasn't half bad at the 
Circus, at least not under Icky and Manny's rule. People 
would take us for walks sometimes, decorate our jars, 
and Lolly liked to read to us when she'd visit the Den. 


SCP-3717-02: I'll miss Yume’s flowers, and Quincy’s 
butterflies. 


SCP-3717-01: But not Gabriel’s fish! | hate it when he 
stuck those slimy bastards in my jar! 


SCP-3717-03: You don’t think they left us behind on 
purpose, do you? 


SCP-3717-02: They just left in a hurry. You heard Manny 
shouting "Essie P is coming!". He's been especially 
worried about Essie since...well, just lately. Our box is 
easy to overlook. 


Dr. Valdez: We can talk about your associates at the 
Circus another time. | understand that this may be a 
difficult adjustment but | assure you that you will be 


treated just as well here, if not better, than you were at 
the Circus. Once we've finished our assessments you 
might even be cleared to interact with fellow residents. 


SCP-3717-01: Show me the biggest guy here! I'll shiv 
him, show him who's boss! 


Dr. Valdez: Violence against staff or residents will result 
in solitary confinement and psychiatric assessment. And 
the 'biggest' guy at this site is an immortal, invincible, 
thaumatological cyborg. 


SCP-3717-01: (pauses) So you'll make sure my mech- 
suit can take him, right? 


<End Log> 


Footnotes 

1. Instances of SCP-3717 do not appear to require oxygen. The 
solution they are kept in is also unoxygenated. 

2. SCP-3717-02 claims it was born without a brain and an unusually 
large 'dust bunny’ was the only on hand substitute at the time. 

3. Fused at the face and head, but possessing separate bodies. 


SCP-3718: An Environmental Cat-astrophe 


Item #: SCP-3718 
Object Class: Keter 


Special Containment Procedures: Any SCP-3718 instances 
discovered in the wild are to be sedated! and brought in for 
containment, or neutralized if the current number of contained 
SCP-3718 instances is greater than twenty. Foundation personnel 
are to monitor websites and animal control hotlines for mentions of 
potential SCP-3718 activity, as well as reports of individuals being 
attacked by cats, or seeing 'monster cats’. Any area that has seena 
significant decline in local wildlife population in a small time frame is 
to be investigated for SCP-3718 activity. MTF Kappa-14 "AH! 
Sideshow Bob!" has been instructed to examine areas where 
Gol-233 has appeared for stray SCP-3718 specimens. 


SCP-3718 instances in containment are to be kept in a large feline 
habitat at Site-23, and require at least three times the normal daily 
intake of food compared to a normal Felis catus. Personnel entering 
the enclosure are recommended to only do so when the SCP-3718 
population has been recently fed or sedated. 


Description: SCP-3718 is an unidentified species of organism, 
outwardly resembling individuals belonging to the species Felis 
catus (the domestic cat). While SCP-3718 instances are visually 
identical to non-anomalous Felis catus, when viewing the reflection 
of an SCP-3718 instance, a large, tripedal organism can be seen in 
place of a reflection. 


These organisms are an average of 75cm tall at the shoulder, 
exhibit numerous bioluminescent patches along the body, and are 
otherwise dark in coloration. These organisms posses no 
observable eyes or ears, but exhibit multiple orifices across the 
body, which are used in feeding. These organisms also possess 
highly sensitive vibrissae2 which run the length of their body, 


allowing for instances to observe their surroundings by sensing 
changes in air flow. This organism cannot be directly interacted with, 
as it does not seem to occupy any space that it would take up 
around the Felis catus body. 


SCP-3718 instances are active predators, and have been observed 
in packs hunting prey as large as elk, and consuming most of the 
kill. When feeding, SCP-3718 instances have been observed to 
cause a Class C-3 spatial anomaly. During this, the Felis catus 
appearance will contort up to three times in normal size, and orifices 
corresponding to those on the appearance of its reflection will open, 
and discharge pressurized digestive enzymes onto the kill. Once the 
digestive enzymes have had their effect, the orifices are used to grip 
parts of the prey, and deliver it into the digestive system through 
rows of teeth. 


Packs of feral SCP-3718 have been observed across the North 
American continent*, breeding rapidly. Due to their increased 
hunting activity, SCP-3718 has become a threat to natural wildlife in 
some cases, drastically decreasing the populations of many species, 
including birds and deer. Currently, at least three species native to 
North America have been reclassified as critically endangered due 
to the presence and rapid growth of SCP-3718 populations. 
Because of this, SCP-3718 is currently considered an invasive 
species, and containment is considered a high priority due to the 
increased spread and risk of discovery. 


Addendum: Discovery, and Gol Connections 


SCP-3718 was discovered following numerous online mentions of 
packs of feral cats killing abnormally large prey, as well as mentions 
of 'monster cats' that could only be seen in reflective surfaces. This 
was in conjunction with sudden decreases in many wildlife 
populations in certain areas, leading to an outcry from 
environmentalist groups. Embedded agents in these groups were 
able to capture several SCP-3718 instances, leading to subsequent 
discovery of their anomalous effects, and containment. 


SCP-3718 is believed to have been originated from Gol-233, as an 
attraction for its 'Menagerie of Mayhem’. Several solitary SCP-3718 
instances have been located at or near areas where Gol-233 has 


this effect appears to have worn off after days.