We regret to inform you that several of your employees have been 
terminated due to gross negligence in the shipping of your products. 
We were able to recover the products and they are now being 
distributed, but we would recommend that next time your shipping 
personnel come unarmed as we requested. 


Carter 


Dear Pigheaded Corporate Scum, 


This is your final hour. You may have killed our friends, but we still 
stand strong against the inhumane oppression you propagate 
against us. As you are reading this a 10 megaton nuclear warhead 
is being aimed at your factory, and be re-assured we will not 


hesitate to blow this place to hell if you don't meet our demands. 


Fuck you 


Dear Mortimer, 


We've recently been getting reports of your employees attempting to 
engage in nuclear warfare. While we are not concerned with your 
internal affairs, it is rather bothersome to cover up a nuclear 
explosion. We've stopped them now, but next time, keep your 
subordinates in line. 


Franz 


President Phillips, 


We've filled out your request to install software allowing you to see 
the previous edits of memos. 


Maintenance 


Morty, 


Hey, you know that hot chick from Corporate? Well I've been hitting 
on her a little much lately and she's filed for sexual harassment with 
HR. All | did was send her a picture of my nads something pretty 
cool looking. Could you let this one slide? Pretty please? 


Jim 


==ATTENTION ALL PERSONNEL== 
This is an automated message. There has been an explosion 


somewhere in the WEST WING. It is recommended that you avoid 
the area for the next THREE days. 


Hey boss, 


mould would spread quickly, and the Earth’s biosphere would be 
rendered un-inhabitable after approximately months. Sterilisation of 
affected areas via nuclear weapons may be a viable option; 
however, should SCP-770 survive the initial blast, then fallout would 
provide a tremendously rich growth medium. 


Historical note: SCP-770 was recovered from a large series of 
deep caves beneath in the former Soviet Union, in 1957. A lack 
of viable isotopes in a geological stratum that should have been 
uranium bearing implies that SCP-770 has been active in this cave 
system for a prolonged period of time, possibly up to years. 
Shock damage, partial vitrification and a build up of radioactive 
gasses in one of the caverns indicate that SCP-770 may have 
undergone a [DATA EXPUNGED] event at some point in the last 
years. A publicly owned mining industry broke into the cave system 
in 1957, resulting in the [DATA REDACTED]. Fortunately, no spores 
of SCP-770 left the cave system, allowing the caverns to be purged 
when the incident was discovered by the Foundation. Estimates 
made after ascertaining SCP-770’s growth rates project a breach of 
the cave system would have been possible after years, had the 
mould not been brought to the Foundation’s attention. 


« SCP-769 | SCP-770 | SCP-771 » 


| kind of messed up on that jacuzzi installation. Can | try the East 
Wing instead? 


Reggie 


President Phillips, 


We are currently undergoing some re-configuration of wages as our 
replacement employees are discussing unionizing. 


Corporate 


Mort, 
We're over. 


Janette 


President Phillips, 


We have filled out your request for the termination of Janette 
Wesley. 


Security 


Morty, 


| heard you got rid of Janette. Could you at least wait a few days 
next time? You know how good | am with rebound chicks. 


Jim 


Morty, 


Hey, you asshole. What the fuck are you doing, sending your goons 
on me? Hey, what was with those guys in my office today? We're 
friends, right? | won't bother you again, promise. 


Jim 


Hey boss, 


| found Jim in your jacuzzi today. He said you let him. Just thought 
I'd make sure. 


Reggie 


President Phillips, 


James Killborn has been demoted to assembly line duty, at your 
request. 


Human Resources 


A Fitting End 


It's not every day that the Foundation hosts a funeral. Occasionally, 
a loyal agent or staff member receives a small ceremony and a 
burial on Site 19, but not often. The family might get the belongings 
and a letter of consolation. Never the body, though. Most times they 
wouldn't want it. The D-class get nothing but standard termination 
procedures at the end of the month. 


But this was just plain unheard of: not only the funeral of a senior 
staff member, but the funeral of Dr. Alto H. Clef. Everyone not 
needed to keep security up was there. Some, I’d presume, were 
there because they were afraid that Clef would haunt them if they 
didn’t. The eulogies were what could be expected, from some of the 
senior staff and a few members of the O5: reminiscing on old 
missions, glowing testimony to his accomplishments, and the like. 
Mostly just for show, because you can’t really eulogize a man like 
Clef. 


| didn’t find it very strange that everyone had dry eyes: Clef was 
more valuable as an employee than a person. He was dangerous, 
unpredictable, and clearly insane, causing millions in damages, 
numerous personnel deaths, and just barely avoiding several XK 
events, but he was also responsible for dozens of successful 
recoveries and several critical decommissions, and that was at least 
worth something. Sure, there would be those who would miss the 
humor he lent to near-death situations, or his enigmatic, genre- 
savvy ways, but for the most part, no one cared about him 
personally. Clef’s funeral was practically equivalent to presenting 
him with an “Employee of the Month” plaque. 


However, there was one thing that made it all stand out, one final act 
to cement Clef into Foundation legend. When the eulogies had been 
finished, the silhouette of O5- on the monitor cleared his throat and 
announced: 


“As per Dr. Clef’s final wishes, his body will be fired out of 


SCP-1543-J.” 


A Friend's Words 


A tall girl walked along the shore of the beach carrying a green glass 
bottle. Inside the bottle was a note she wrote. She walked into the 
water and threw the bottle as far as she could. 


She had done this countless times over the past few years, and 
every time the bottle returned to her in the next day with another 
note from someone she had come to think of as a friend. 


The girl returned home to wait for the message from her friend. She 
collected copies of the notes she has received inside a USB drive 
and thrown away the physical copies so as to not attract her parents’ 
attention. 


As the girl went to bed, she wondered about the place her friend 
lives in and about what she must be like. She has received notes 
describing everything from the weather and the plants to the people 
and animals. All of these varied in description but seemed to have 
come from a child’s mind. The girl had a hard time believing most of 
what she was told, but then again, she had exchanged messages 
like this for the last few years. Sometimes she suspected that none 
of that was true, and that she was simply the victim of a prank or the 
correspondent of a person with a troubled mind and too much free 
time. 


She fell asleep and dreamed of the possibility of visiting another 
world. 


The next day’s first rays of sunshine touched the girl’s face through 
the window of her room. She opened her eyes and looked around, 
trying to remember her dream. She could recall crossing the ocean 
on the back of a rainbow colored dolphin and reaching a gigantic 
island-city in the middle of nowhere. She flew through streets and 
saw curved, pastel colored houses and people selling everything 
from dancing plants to a baby’s first laughter. The dream ended as 


she touched the knob of the front door of a house that she knew 
belonged to her friend. 


Still somewhat sleepy, the girl got up from her bed and noticed that it 
was still 6:30 in the morning. She knew her parents were still 
sleeping, so she changed her clothes and went down the stairs from 
her room quietly. She left the house and headed straight to the 
beach to see if the bottle had returned. 


Sure enough, it was there when she arrived, just like always. She 
ran excitedly and grabbed the bottle from the sand. She used the 
bottle opener she brought with her and took out a rolled up paper, a 
necklace and some seeds from inside the bottle. She unrolled it and 
read the message, written with what seemed to be a typewriter. 


Hi Jane. So, you are turning fifteen? That’s great! Happy 
birthday to you! About your question regarding what kind 
of things | saw people selling during this year’s Rebirth 
Celebration, it was wonderful! There were these sweet 
red fruits called holiboms that fill your mouth with smoke 
that you can spit out and then control their shapes and 
directions with your thoughts. There were also emerald 
sculptures for decorating lawns, several types of horned 
ice beasts from the Frozen South, necklaces made of 
large seeds which you could ask to paint with any 
drawing you wanted and many pop-up books with tiny 
sound machines. 


| also saw people from some of the poorer 
neighborhoods helping each other pay for some products 
by making a spectacle a few days before. They gathered 
in a plaza and reenacted the Third Great War's final 
conflict in the Wild Daimojo Plains. The people 
interpreting the Warrok army wore leather masks and 
some home-made armor painted so well that it looked it 
was made of real steel! | almost cried during the scene in 
which they showed the soldiers of the various regions 
mourning their fallen comrades. 


These were the new things | saw. The rest you know, 
although | didn't see anyone selling those dancing 


flowers you said you liked so much. They say the 
gardens where they grow those were attacked by fire 
bats. They have been reproducing like crazy lately, but 
no one knows why. Some think it has something to do 
with the smoke released by the lightning works. That 
hasn't been confirmed, however. | don't know much 
about chemistry, so | can't tell you if that is plausible or 
not, but if it's true, the government should create a law 
forbidding their use, or at least demanding new formulas. 
Those damn bats are harming the businesses and crops 
of everyone, and safety should come before fun, don't 
you think? 


Inside the bottle is one the necklaces | told you about. 
You said you like flowers, so | got one with flower 
drawings for your birthday. There are also some seeds 
and instructions for you to grow your own holibom tree. 
Well, that's all. Until next time! 


Jane rolled up the note and put it back inside the bottle. She hurried 
back home and added the new note to her pen drive and stored 
away her birthday gifts. She quickly wrote a response and put it 
inside the bottle. She then went back to the beach and tossed it into 
the ocean. Since it was a Saturday, she returned home and went 
back to sleep. 


The bottle drifted through the ocean for some time before 
disappearing. It reappeared on the red shores of another world's 
beach. An old woman walked up to it an picked it up. She opened it 
and unrolled the note. 


Hi Gedril! Thank you for wishing me a happy birthday 
and giving me this wonderful gift! This year's Rebirth 
Celebration sounds like it was a lot of fun! I'm just sad to 
know they aren't selling the dancing flowers. | agree with 
you, they really should make those laws if that is true. My 
parents are taking me to Disneyland this year to 
commemorate my fifteen years! Once we come back, I'll 
send you some pictures of Disneyland. 


The old woman smiled and put the note back inside the bottle. She 
returned to her S-shaped, blue and pink house on a street filled with 
similar letter shaped homes covered in pastel colors. 

She opened the front door and went to the room where she kept all 
of Jane's letters, organized neatly by date. She wrote a response, 
threw the bottle into the ocean and went back to her home. 


The old woman then went to her kitchen and prepared some tea. 
Someone knocked on her door. 

She went to answer it and was greeted by two identical men 
equipped from head to toe in fishing gear. 


"Well, hi Galbo and Ridnim! Going to watch some birds, | presume?" 
She laughed at her own joke. 


"Nope! Good guess, though!" replied the man on the left. 


"We're going to the Beauties’ Lake to fish. Wanna come with us?" 
invited the man on the right. 


"Oh, | am sorry boys, but it'll be dark soon, and you know what the 
night's air does to me." 


The men looked at each other and sighed simultaneously. 


"Really, Gedril?" asked the man on the right. "You don't have to stay 
for the whole trip if you don't want to. You can leave any time you 
want. Let's catch at least one fish!" he insisted. 


"I'd love to, but today is the last day | have to return some books | 
haven't finished, and | don't want to pay any fines," said Gedril. 


"Ok then. We'll invite you to go fishing during the morning next time,” 
said the man on the left. 


"Of course, that sounds much better," answered Gedril. 
"Alright then. We're leaving." 
"Have fun with your books." 


The men turned around and walked away, once again 


simultaneously. 


Gedril closed the door. This was not the first time she had been 
invited to something she couldn't go to due to her condition, and it 
wouldn't be the last. She sighed and returned to the kitchen to finish 
her tea. After she was done, she picked up a history book, sat on an 
armchair and started reading. 


As she read, she could see the day's light slowly starting to go 
away. She felt nervous and read faster to finish the book. She didn't 
make it, however, and had to leave her house and go to the library. 
She returned the book without talking much to the librarians and 
returned home as fast as possible. When she arrived, Gedril was 
sweating and panting. She looked at her wrist watch. It was 6:57 in 
the afternoon. 


She locked all the doors, closed the curtains, took off her clothes, 
went to her room and waited. Only three minutes left until it started 
like it did every day. 


When the room's watch hit 7:00, Gedril began to feel it. She started 
to convulse and sweat intensely. She felt an itch through her whole 
body, as if ants were crawling over her. Long strand of purple hair 
came out of her skin. Soon, Gedril was covered in so much purple 
hair that she looked like an overgrown, human shitzu. 


Gedril slowly opened her eyes and looked around. There would be a 
lot of hair to clean up the next day. 


She picked up another book and sat on an armchair. She carefully 
opened it and flipped the pages, having a bit of difficulty due to her 
hairy fingers. She read until she felt tired and went to bed. 


The next day, Gedril woke up as a normal person, as she always 
did. She cleaned up the hair, went to the beach and saw the bottle 
on the sand. She picked it up and read the note. 


It was from Jane. It said that she and her family had some problems 
and couldn't go to Disneyland this time, so there were no pictures. 
Gedril replied as she usually did. This cycle repeated itself for 


several days. Gedril noted something strange about the notes she 
received. Jane started asking questions that she normally wouldn't 
and used words that she didn't before. 


Little did Gedril know, Jane no longer remembered anything about 
her. Jane had forgotten to follow the instructions for the holibom 
trees thoroughly one day. The tree ripped itself from the soil and 
started walking around on its roots through the neighborhood, 
alerting a group of strange men who came to Jane's house asking 
about the bottle.