Foreword: On / /20 , SCP-1800 was on 
public display at the Museum in 
It had been on continual exhibition since / 
/19 without incident. According to security 
cameras, at 13:25, the interview subject 
approached SCP-1800 and placed an 
unidentified coin in SCP-1800’s lower drawer 
and closed it. SCP-1800 immediately entered 
an active state and selected SCP-1800-1 and 
SCP-1800-2 from the museum patrons. 
SCP-1800-1 immediately engaged in ritual 
rape, murder and dismemberment of 
SCP-1800-2. Three security guards were 
injured, one fatally, when they attempted to 
intervene. Ritual interaction was interrupted by 


police firing on and killing SCP-1800-1. 
Interview subject was taken into custody by 
police along with twelve other witnesses. 


<Begin Log, 02:30 / /20 > 


Agent J. : Now, | need to ask you a few 
questions. 


David Orwell: Sure. Hell of a day. You're 
American, aren’t you? FBI? Is this some sort of 
al-Qaeda thing? 


Agent : We're consultants, working with 
the police. 

Orwell: Ahhh. 

Agent : Your name’s David Orwell? 


Orwell: That’s right. 


Agent : You’re a student from 
[REDACTED]? 


Orwell: Was a student. The indoctrination was 
a bit much. 


Agent : So you stopped being an art 
student? 


Orwell: In that sense. | work for a small 
auction house in now. 


Agent : Long way from home. 
Orwell: So are you. 


Agent : [pause] So... Why did you put 
something in the statue? 


Orwell: | thought you wanted to ask about the 


guy killing his— 


Agent : Please answer the question, Mr. 
Orwell. 


Orwell: An offering to Mammon. 
Agent : Pardon? 


Orwell: Rendering unto Caesar. A metaphor. 
A protest. A penny on the eye of dead Art. 


Agent : I’m not following you. 


Orwell: [sighs] It was my way of saying that 
Mr. Salvador Dali was a pretentious little hack 
who lived off the same dozen visual non- 
sequiturs for a half-century. Mass-produced 
corporate art that diminishes in significance 
with each cheap copy. That statue, Le 
Minotaure, you know how many reproductions 
there are of it? | could get you one off eBay 
right now. All “official,” and still being produced 

years after his death. | have more respect for 
Thomas Kinkade. He never tried to convince 
anyone his kitsch was somehow transgressive 
or meaningful. 


Agent : You don’t like Dali. 


Orwell: There’s nothing worse than a 
revolutionary co-opted by the establishment. 
Art isn't a commodity. 


Agent : Were you expecting the statue to 
do something? 


Orwell: Like what? 
Agent : Move. 


Orwell: Huh? | was metaphorically tweaking 


the Dali industrial complex. It’s not a vending 
machine or an amusement park ride. 


Agent : You didn’t watch the statue after 
you closed that drawer? 


Orwell: | was paying more attention to the 
guards, who might have objected to my little 
protest. Then there was this slight issue of 
some German tourist killing his daughter and 
trying to— 


Agent : We have witnesses that say the 
statue raised its arms and pointed at Mr. 
and his daughter. 


Orwell: What? 


Agent : Are you certain you didn’t see the 
statue move? 


Orwell: It’s not a mannequin. That thing is 
solid bronze, no joints. It isn’t going to wave its 
arms like a pirate on a Disney ride. 


Agent : So you didn’t see anything? 


Orwell: You’ve got to be kidding. | was 
watching something a lot more horrifying and 
transgressive than that derivative, self- 
plagiarized excuse for a sculpture.8 


Agent : Thank you, Mr. Orwell. 
Orwell: [pause] So, uh, are we cool yet? 
Agent > Hmm? 


Orwell: Are we cool? Have you got what you 
need? Can | go? 


Agent : Uh-huh, see the nurse on the way 


out. 
<End Log> 


Closing Statement: As with all witnesses to 
SCP-1800’s active phase, David Orwell was 
provided with a prophylactic Class-A amnestic 
to suppress any knowledge of SCP-1800’s 
involvement in the case. Possible connections 
between David Orwell and any Groups of 
Interest were not perused until years later 
when a routine review of SCP-1800’s case 
files identified the phrase “are we cool yet?” 
Mr. Orwell's statement pre-dates official 
Foundation recognition of the “Are We Cool 
Yet?” collective by years. Subsequent 
attempts to locate Mr. Orwell for a follow-up 
investigation have yet to be successful. 


What, are we supposed to go back and re- 
investigate every piece of so-called art we 
have in containment now? It’s a god-damn 
coincidence— Agent J. , MTF- - 


Footnotes 

1. English translation: "What price is virtue?" 

2. Only metallic minted currency has this effect; printed money, 
jewelry, ingots of precious metal, non-currency tokens, or other such 
items have no effect. 

3. No external means of observation or measurement has been 
found to differentiate between SCP-1800’s inactive and pending 
states. 

4. Radius of effect is constant, regardless of any intervening 
material. 

5. Effects are independent of subject’s ability to perceive SCP-1800, 
and occur even if subject leaves the radius of effect within this 
timeframe. 

6. See note 5. 

7. SCP-1800-1 appears unaware of the seeking compulsion and will 
show no prior conscious knowledge of SCP-1800-2's location and 
identity beyond what was known prior to the effects of SCP-1800. 


8. Security camera footage confirms that Mr. Orwell was not facing 
SCP-1800 during its active phase. 


« SCP-1799 | SCP-1800 | SCP-1801 » 


SCP-1801: Sharing Sickness 


Item #: SCP-1801 
Object Class: Keter 


Special Containment Procedures: Due to the complexity of 
SCP-1801, it is so far proved impossible to isolate outside a host. All 
subjects infected with SCP-1801 shall be kept in the dedicated 
SCP-1801 Bio-Research Medical Facility at Armed Bio-Containment 
Area-14. The entire building shall be kept under Level 4 Biohazard 
containment protocols, and a 100m security perimeter is to be 
maintained around the structure under constant guard. Persons 
attempting unauthorized entry or exit of the secure perimeter are to 
be immediately terminated and the remains incinerated. 


No biological materials are to leave the SCP-1801 Bio-Research 
Medical Facility. All tests must be performed on-site, without 
exception. 


Physical entry to the SCP-1801 Bio-Research Medical Facility is 
limited to personnel with approval of the Site Director and only with 
full Level 4 containment gear. A pre-exit, 72-hour, on-site quarantine 
in the facility's dedicated sterile area is mandatory before any 
personnel are allowed back across the secure perimeter. 


All subjects infected with SCP-1801 shall be isolated and remain 
under observation in individual rooms in the SCP-1801 Bio- 
Research Medical Facility. As of Incident I-1801-24, no 
individuals infected with SCP-1801 are permitted to interact with 
other infectees outside a controlled experiment. 


While SCP-1801 itself has only been seen to transmit with direct 
blood-to-blood or sexual contact, many of its components are 
normally dangerous and can be transmitted through casual contact 
or airborne transmission. All individuals infected with SCP-1801 
must be treated as highly infectious. 


Description: SCP-1801 is a contagious syndrome that appears to 
be transmissible through a complex of agents that, in isolation, show 
no anomalous properties. To date, Foundation researchers have 
identified the components of SCP-1801 to include bacterial agents, 
viral agents, and prions ( of which have never been seen ina 
mammalian host outside of SCP-1801). All these agents are well 
known and documented in their effects outside their participation in 
a SCP-1801 infection. When participating in a SCP-1801 infection, 
their normal epidemiology and symptomatology no longer appear to 


apply. 


Symptoms of SCP-1801 infection will vary based on the vector of 
the infection, and whether the infected individual has subsequently 
infected anyone else with SCP-1801. There are three classes of 
infectee: 


¢ SCP-1801-1: An individual who becomes infected with 
SCP-1801 through contact with SCP-1801-2 or via 
[REDACTED] becomes SCP-1801-1. Despite hosting several 
strains of bacteria and virus that normally lead to fatal 
infections, SCP-1801-1 will remain apparently healthy and 
asymptomatic until infecting another individual with SCP-1801. 


¢ SCP-1801-2: An individual who becomes infected with 
SCP-1801 through contact with SCP-1801-1 or SCP-1801-3 
will become SCP-1801-2. Within 24 hours of infection, 
SCP-1801-2 will begin showing signs similar to an active 
infection by Staphylococcus aureus or Clostridium 
perfringens. However, rather than liquefaction and necrosis, 
the infected tissues vanish completely. Blood loss is minimal, 
as blood vessels close off as tissue disappears. Because of 
this, the victim does not suffer from toxemia or shock, and can 
survive much longer than typical for such a tissue-destroying 
infection, usually until vital neural or organ tissue is affected. 
(With the assist of a heart-lung machine and dialysis, one 
instance of SCP-1801-2 survived 16 days after onset of 
symptoms and the loss of 80% of muscle mass, all 
extremities, stomach, intestines, kidneys, liver, as well as the 
lower mandible, tongue and esophagus. The SCP-1801-2 
expired after 30% of brain mass was lost.) 


¢ SCP-1801-3: Once SCP-1801-1 has passed on SCP-1801 to 
at least one other person, SCP-1801-1 will cease being 
asymptomatic and begin transition to become SCP-1801-3. 
SCP-1801-3 will begin showing the onset of irregular mature 
teratomas. The onset of these teratomas will correspond with 
the onset of symptoms in the SCP-1801-2 that was infected 
before the transition. Mass and rate of growth of teratomas in 
SCP-1801-3 will correspond to the mass and rate of tissue 
destruction in SCP-1801-2. The rate of growth of tumors may 
accelerate if SCP-1801-3 infects new individuals with 
SCP-1801. In this instance, mass and rate of growth of 
teratomas in SCP-1801-3 will correspond to the collective 
mass and rate of tissue destruction in all instances of 
SCP-1801-2 so infected. Genetic tests on teratomas show 
genetic material from SCP-1801-2 rather than SCP-1801-3. 
Despite this, no incidence of tissue rejection has been 
observed. 


Teratomas growing on SCP-1801-3 show a much higher 
incidence of complex organ development than is typical; in 
addition to eyes, teeth and hair, there have been observed a 
complete kidney, a lung, a complete left hand showing some 
independent movement, a tongue, a [REDACTED]. While 
these growths appear random, they interlink with each other 
and, in advanced cases, show a circulatory, endocrine, 
[REDACTED] systems parallel and independent of 
SCP-1801-3’s original anatomy. SCP-1801-3 generally 
survives until tumor growth obstructs normal organ 
functioning. (In 55% of cases death is from asphyxiation due 
to airway blockage or lung collapse.) In cases where all 
associated SCP-1801-2 have expired before SCP-1801-3’s 
tumors have become life-threatening in size, tumor growth will 
cease and SCP-1801-3 may survive indefinitely before 
infecting a new SCP-1801-2 and tumor growth resumes. 


Addendum 1: Incident report regarding autopsy of instance of 
SCP-1801-3 


+ Incident I-1801-24 


Document# I-1801-24 
Personnel involved: Dr. C 
Date: 09/13/20 


Location: Surgical Theatre 12B, SCP-1801 
Bio-Research Medical Facility, Area-14 


Description: Dr. C was engaged ina 
routine post-mortem exam and dissection of a 
deceased SCP-1801-3. The subject had been 
the most advanced case of infection to date, 
with over 65% of its body mass composed of 
teratomas genetically linked to seven separate 
individuals. The largest individual tumor was a 
15 kg mass distending the abdomen on the left 
side. The following is a transcript of the data 
recording as Dr. C retracted the layer of 
tissue above the tumor. 


<Begin Log, [09/13/ 1330]> 


Dr. C. : |am now looking at an 
extremely large teratoma growing 
from the dorsal left of the abdominal 
cavity, displacing the liver. | see 
complex structures, skin, hair, an ear, 
an eye, what might be a partial 
mouth. [sounds of crashing] Holy =! 


Dr. C. : [After several deep 
breaths] Is this recording? The damn 
tumor blinked at me. [More deep 
breaths] I’m going to flush the 
incision and move the camera closer. 


Dr. C. : The teratoma is 
showing independent movement 
despite no vital signs at all in the host 
body. It is definitely looking at me. 


The partial mouth is moving as well. 
[Long pause] | don’t believe this. It’s 
trying to say something. 


SCP-1801-3: [indecipherable] 
Dr. C. : No. 
SCP-1801-3: [indecipherable] 


Dr. C. : ’'m going to move the 
mic closer, | think it’s responding to 
me. 


SCP-1801-3: [indecipherable] others. 


Dr. C. : Others? Other 
SCP-1801-3? 


SCP-1801-3: Must [indecipherable] 
what we have learned. 


Dr. C. : What have you 
learned? 


SCP-1801-3: [indecipherable] we 
[indecipherable] you are. 


Dr. C. : [long pause] What are 
we? 


SCP-1801-3: Our... flesh. 


Dr. C continued attempts to 
communicate, but no further intelligible 
statements were recorded before the teratoma 
ceased activity. 


« SCP-1800 | SCP-1801 | SCP-1802 » 


SCP-1802: "Skip" 


Item #: SCP-1802 
Object Class: Safe 


Special Containment Procedures: SCP-1802 is to be kept in 
Humanoid Chamber C-08 at Armed Containment Area 24 pending 
relocation to a Safe storage facility and monitored according to 
humanoid containment guidelines. Its cell is to be inspected 
regularly for concealed objects. 


Description: SCP-1802 is an artificial humanoid measuring 
approximately 30 cm in height. Its body has been crudely assembled 
from lacquered chicken bones, scraps of iron and leather, wire, 
heavy twine, and a tin can which serves as the creature's head. ! 
The object wears a square of white canvas fashioned into a 
semblance of a lab coat, and has safety goggles secured on its 
"head" using screws. SCP-1802 walks with an unsteady gait, but is 
manually dexterous and capable of using tools. 


SCP-1802 is sapient and capable of speech—mostly simple 
recitations of memory. It has a single-minded devotion to one 
particular task: the collection of miscellaneous, usually worthless 
objects. It gathers these items in whatever containers it can carry 
(sacks, small jars, sandwich bags), then creates caches nearby in 
which to store them, such as behind a dumpster or at the foot of a 
tree. SCP-1802 can remember the location and contents of each 
cache it has created. Examples of objects hidden by SCP-1802 
include a bottlecap, three acorns, a field cricket, half an ice cream 
sandwich wrapper, a coat button, and a gecko.2 SCP-1802's largest 
acquisition was a road sign indicating a deer crossing, removed with 
the use of stolen tools. Once the sign was removed, SCP-1802 was 
unable to relocate the item, and so attempted to conceal it in place 
with the use of fallen leaves. The object was discovered by a police 
officer and replaced within several hours. SCP-1802 was discovered 
by the Foundation when it attempted to remove a security camera 


installed on the gate of Armed Containment Area 24. During the 
process, it was noticed by a guard, at which point it was captured 
and taken in for examination. 


Researchers assigned to SCP-1802 are permitted to provide the 
object with pieces of trash so that it remains cooperative during 
interviews and experiments. SCP-1802 spends its time studying 
these objects, taking a mental inventory of previously-gathered 
objects, lying on its bed and twitching, and making unsuccessful 
attempts to penetrate its head using its graspers.3 


Interview Log 1802-2 
Date: 10/04/ 

Time: 03:10:00 
Subject: SCP-1802 
Interviewer: Dr. 


SCP-1802 spent the duration of this interview sitting 
politely on the interview table. Its voice is a little muffled, 
because it seems to be coming from inside the can, but 
at least it enunciates well. —Dr.