The woman looked at him distrustfully, her finger running down the 
page. She eventually stopped, looking up at him smugly. 


"There is no Doctor Rights on the Site-19 roster." 
Burns frowned. 
"Are you sure?" 


The woman spun the book around with the skill of one accustomed 
to such questions and laid it at the front of the desk. Burns looked 
down the list, frowning. It went straight from Rath, to Rapp, to Sharp. 


He turned away from the desk, muttering an absent minded thanks, 
as the wheels in his head began to turn. There was no way she had 
been transferred. Any transfer would have required some sort of 


SCP-905: Mr. Chameleon 


Item #: SCP-905 
Object Class: Safe 


Special Containment Procedures: SCP-905 is to be contained ina 
six (6) m x six (6) m x three (3) m containment cell, painted matte 
black. This cell is to be devoid of any mirrors or windows. Two LED 
arrays are to be installed in cells housing SCP-905. Every four 
hours, SCP-905 is to be fed for twenty (20) minutes. 


As of current regulations on "Misters", SCP-905 is to be contained in 
Hall of Site- . 


Description: SCP-905 is a sentient entity composed of photons. 
These photons form a humanoid shape that has been described as 
“fuzzy, but definite”. It is roughly 1.75 m tall; however, its mass is 
immeasurable. SCP-905 has shown the ability to speak through the 
manipulation of air particles, but its mechanism to perform this is 
unknown. 


SCP-905 is capable of the same movement as a human male of the 
same body structure, but due to its photonic nature, is unable to 
manipulate solid objects aside from emitting weak electromagnetic 
radiation. Solids such as doors must be moved for SCP-905 before 
it can leave or enter a room. 


SCP-905 has the ability to pass through windows and other 
transparent objects. The photons SCP-905 is composed of follow 
the usual laws of probability in this case, and will reflect back from 
the transparent object at a rate of ~5%, separating any reflected 
photon from SCP-905's influence. SCP-905 describes this as painful 
but bearable. 


SCP-905 sheds its photons at a constant rate of approximately 
0.001% of its body volume per second. These photons are emitted 


approval, a transfer of records, probably a party in Agatha's case. 


In a few minutes, he'd returned to his office. As he walked in and 
turned, preparing to put his coat on the hook by the door, his eyes 
passed over his scheduling calendar. The day was blank. 


Something had happened, something had gotten loose, broken free. 
Something had happened to her. 


His mind whirled with the different possibilities. He ran through the 
SCPs he knew she was working on: the weird surgeon, the tiny 
pterodactyl, nothing that could cause this. A temporal anomaly? 
Probably not, as he wouldn't remember her at all then. Maybe it had 
something to do with— 


A sharp knock on his door broke his reverie. He walked toward it 
cautiously, carefully turning the lock and peering out into the 
hallway. 


A slender, young woman with purple eyes looked back at him, 
smiling in her Foundation fatigues. "Dr. Burns?" 


"Yes," he answered quietly. 


"Your mail, sir," she said, holding up a pile of envelopes and 
memos. "You should really come down to the mail room to get it, 
sometime." 


"We have a mail room?" asked Burns. 
She smiled, shrugging her shoulders. 


She made to slide the letters through the crack in the door. "No!" 
yelled Burns, starting her. He looked at the pile of mail in her hand 
and back at her. 'Of course,’ he thought. 'A memetic.' 


"How do | know you're legit?” he asked. 


Apparently, she'd been there long enough to get used to this 
question. "Listen," she said. "I'm just going to put his down here." 
She gestured toward the floor. "You can get it whenever you like." 


Burns eyes twitched through the crack. "Fine. Fine, that's fine," he 
said, watching as she slowly lowered the pile of envelopes to the 
ground, took a slow step back, and turned away from the door, 
moving at a brisk gait back down the hallway. 


Burns opened the door and poked the stack of letters slowly with his 
foot before jerking it back again. He repeated this process a few 
times before carefully stepping over the letters into the hallway, 
watching them. He sidled down the hall, carefully keeping watch on 
them as he moved toward the corner. 


He took another, long hard stare at the pile of envelopes and 
dashed around the corner, running headlong into a hoard of 
butterflies. 


He nearly inhaled one before stumbling out of the swarm, leaning 
himself against a wall as he coughed. He felt a hand slapping him 
hard on the back, followed by a deep laughter. 


"Burns, do try not to eat the SCPs," smirked Kondraki, laughing as 
the bald man standing next to him looked at Burns impassively. 


"Are you alright, Doctor Burns?" asked Dr. Gears. 


"Gears!" he cried, "Thank God. Listen, | think something is wrong. | 
can't find Rights! Something has happened. No one | talk to 
remembers her at all!" 


Gears set down his plate and walked closer to Burns. "Are you 
alright, Doctor?" 


"I'm fine! I'm perfectly fine! One minute, I'm scheduled to meet with 
her, and the next she's gone! | can't find her!" 


Kondraki licked his fork and turned his head sideways. "Who are 
you talking about, Burns?" 


Burns felt the blood drain from his face. His eyes narrowed. "They 
got to you." 


Gears turned and looked at Kondraki, who shrugged in return. 


"They got to you two, too, didn't they?" screamed Burns. 


Kondraki smiled. "Too much stress, Burns? Did your imaginary 
friend run away?" 


Burns felt himself backing away. This had to be a joke. It had to. 


"This is because | put that Class-D's hand in her chair, isn't it?" he 
yelled. "| swear, | thought she'd notice before she sat down! 
Seriously, this is getting ridiculous!" 


"Are you alright, Doctor? Would you like a mild sedative?" asked 
Gears. 


"What the fuck is going on?!" scream Burns, his eyes wide. "What 
the hell is wrong with you people? What happened to Agatha?!" 


Kondraki and Gears both took short steps toward Burns, who found 
himself backing away faster, eyes twitching. "Don't touch me." 


"I'm afraid | do not understand what the problem is, Doctor Burns." 
"Fuck, Burns, have you been dipping into company assets?" 


Burns pulled away from them, twisting. "Get BACK!" he barked, 
sharply, feeling his way along the wall. He felt the cold, stainless 
steel of the cafeteria doors, and turned sharply, running into them, 
looking to escape whatever had managed to free itself and— 


"Burns? What's the problem?" 


Burns was standing in a pile of confetti, looking across a nearly 
empty room at a woman in a smart, sharp business suit. She smiled, 
winningly, and waved at him. 


"Agatha?" 
"Hello, Burns! | wasn't sure you'd make it." 


Burns walked forward, half tempted to reach out and poke her to 
make sure she was there. "Agatha?" 


"Yes, Burns. You almost forgot to come to my party!" 
"Party? What... what party?" 

"My birthday, Burns. | sent you an invitation and everything." 
"Oh, |... | must not have gotten it." 


"Here," she said. "Have a piece of cake." 


Burns walked out of the cafeteria, smiling and chewing. It really was 
very good cake. He saw Kondraki and Gears staring at him, waved 
cheerily, and continued eating. He was supposed to meet with... 
with somebody this afternoon. He'd have to check his calendar. 


O5-2 sat down in her chair, looking at the monitor, drumming her 
fingers softly on the chair's leather arm. With a few quick keystrokes, 
she completed the process. Agatha Rights was quite thoroughly 
expunged from the Foundation. She smiled, leaning back into the 
comfortably overstuffed chair. 'Weird way to get promoted,' she 
thought. ‘Killing yourself.’ She laughed. Only one thing left to do. 


She reached over for the plate and picked it up, happily sinking her 
fork through the creamy chocolate frosting. 


It really was very good cake. 


Mary Sue Who 


Agent Doctor Merry Soo was the greatest researcher and operative 
the Foundation had ever known. And at the age of seventeen, she 
was also the youngest! Joining the Foundation straight out of her 
amazing year at West Point, where she simultaneously managed 
four years' worth of study at the top of her class and stood out as the 
absolutely most physically perfect student. 


The Foundation was lucky to have her. Almost all of senior Staff said 
so! "She is true credit to spirit of working operative!" Captain 
Strelnikov was often heard to remark. "No one can handle an SCP 
like her! And she knows just the spot behind my ears to scratch to 
make my leg thump!" Doctor Crow was known to say. "She's not 
bad." Doctor Snorlison once remarked. He was immediately given a 
stern talking to by the site staff, after which he requested to change 
his comment to "We wouldn't be able to do all this without her!" 


And, although it's not something she liked anyone to judge her by, 
she was also the prettiest girl on site! The other women on site knew 
it too. "| could never be as pretty as Agent Doctor Soo." Rights had 
been heard to lament. But Merry was such a good person, they 
couldn't hold it against her. They loved her! Even Dr. Light, a well 
known sour-puss, had said, through oddly clenched teeth, "We 
could never hold that against her. She's such a good person. We 
love her." 


It was Agent Doctor Soo who figured out how to keep the D-class 
from having to be terminated every month! After all, a simple 
memory wipe, and a piece of SCP-500 (which she had also figured 
out how to easily replicate) and the Foundation no longer had to kill 
anyone! And then she was assigned to SCP-231, where she was 
able to rescue that poor girl, and stop her from undergoing those 
HORRID experiments. She had a stern talk with SCP-082, and 
convinced him not to eat human flesh anymore. Of course, her 
greatest achievement was when she confronted SCP-173. All he 


ever really wanted was a hug, and some SCP-500 to stop that 
horrible blood in the feces problem of his. She also got a sculptor in 
to make him look a little friendlier. She was even the only one to 
point out how that old man seemed to always be around, but he just 
patted her on the head and walked away. 


But Agent Doctor Merry Soo did not lead a life free of worry, oh no! 
She had many, many, horrible problems! She would often cry about 
them to her many lovers. "It is so awful!" She cried, her head resting 
gently against Kondraki's chest. 


"What is?” Dr. Kondraki would have frowned, but he could never 
frown around the delightful Merry. No matter how much he might 
have wanted to. 


"My horrible, awful secret! If you knew it, you would not love me 
anymore!" And she cried against his manly chest. 


"Oh." Kondraki exclaimed. It took a few more minutes of her telling 
him about how he would not love her, and how horrible her secret 
was, before he finally had to, really had to, ask her "What secret?" 


"Oh! My love! It is terrible!" And she threw herself from the bed 
weeping. Another hour or so of such passed, before she finally 
deigned to tell him the secret. "You see my dear, sweet Konnie, | am 
half dragon! | know this does not make me an SCP, as | am only 
half, but it is terrible, and awful! Also, occasional scales in weird 
places." 


"Well, | guess that explains why your mouth is so hot when you..." 
But that was not the least of her problems! NO! Merry Soo had many 
more problems! 


"They can never know, my truest love!" she exclaimed as she 
cuddled up next to Able. The once horrible SCP, turned loving 
boyfriend, grunted in response. Despite their true love, and the 
feelings only they had for each other, or perhaps, because of the 
depth of such emotions, Able found he could barely talk in her 
presence. The fact that he could not keep his hands from clenching 
either bore no impact on this story. 


"They can never know that | bear your child! It is with love | bear it, 
and thanks to my keen use of SCPs, | will not look it, but our child 
will be here soon!" She quickly fled his presence. Soon after she left, 
Site-52 was destroyed in a Keter Class outbreak, but that doesn't 
matter. 


Doctor Clef would have been her lover, but for some reason he 
vanished before she could talk to him. Weird. 


"My sweet, sweet Gearsy-poo!" She stroked his head as it lay upon 
her chest. Dr. Gears' mouth twitched upwards, in a bizarre smile. It 
was true, she was the only one who could still reach his cold, cold 
heart. She made him happy, truly she did. "| have to thank you!" 


"For... For What?" Dr. Gears always had trouble getting his words 
out around dear, sweet Agent Doctor Merry Soo. It was a fight, to 
get them out at all, as if his brain wanted to say things his heart 
would never speak. "For keeping the dreadful secret of mine my 
sweet! The other Senior Staff must never know that my father was 
the Fis-" But she was not a girl to be defined by her loves, many 
though they were! She was also a first-class researcher! 


"Thank you Merry!" Gerald was oft heard to exclaim. No one quite 
knew how to put out a head fire like sweet Agent Soo! And her 
dutiful Assistants, Agent Elroy and Dr. Mann were always glad to be 
working under such a renowned scientist! "She really showed me a 
thing or two about anatomy!" Mann remarked to Yoric. "And she's 
saved my life so many times! It seems like | can't do anything but 
screw up!" 


"She's perfectly sane," Dr. Glass once said. "Perfectly. Do you know 
how odd that is?" He then had to go lay down to stop his nose from 
bleeding. 


But it was her relationship with her Mentor, Dr. Bright, that was most 
important to her. "Oh, Jack!" She remarked, as she stroked his soft 
fur. "Do not worry. One day, | will find a way to free you from that 
cursed amulet." 


The Monkey smiled up at her, proud of the work his star pupil had 
done. "So, uh, | get some nookie now too, right?" he asked with a 


leer. 


Soo could not help but blush. "Oh, Dr. Bright, | could never, not with 
you! You are like a father to me! A hairy, weird, kinda smelly father, 
who keeps touching my butt, but still a father!" Bright just rolled his 

eyes, and nodded his head to someone just out the door. 


"Doctor Agent Merry Soo!" Agent Break called out, rushing in, 
looking worried. "We have a problem, one only you can fix! We need 
you, and we need you now!" 


Dr. Soo rushed to follow Break, to notice the rest of the Senior Staff 
gathered round. It was Heiden who stepped forward, for some 
reason, with half of a straw clutched in his left hand. "Dr. Soo, thank 
god you're here!" He pointed down the hall. "Something weird is 
happening, you have to stop it!" 


Agent Doctor Merry Soo rushed down the hall to the room in 
question, as the other Senior Staff rushed into a nearby safe room/ 
observation chamber. The room Merry found herself in was huge, 
but she could see the Senior Staff watching her from way up above. 
She waved to them, even as she heard the sound of a door opening 
behind her. Wait... When did Clef join them? 


What she thought didn't matter. One snap, two bites, and little miss 
Merry Soo was gone, vanishing into the gullet of the beast known as 
SCP-682. 


Up above, Clef hit a second button, turning on the acid sprayers, 
driving 682 back into its pit. The other Senior Staff sighed, patted 
each other on the back, thanked Clef, and walked away, many of 
them to take long hot showers. 


In the end, it was just Clef and Bright watching 682 dissolve under 
the spray of acid. "That was some quick thinking there, Alto," the 
monkey commented. 


"I've seen too many of them come through here, trying to beat us by 
joining us. They can never keep under the radar." 


"Never?" Bright spared a knowing look for his old comrade. 


"Well." Clef couldn't help but grin. "Maybe once."