"| have," he said, blowing a puff of smoke. "Initially, it appeared as 
though some vast and unknown conspiracy had managed to 
penetrate every major organization operating behind the Veil. But 
that turned out not to be true. The information discovered in the 
warehouse was carefully prepared bait, gathered by a few 
individuals with access to nearly omniscient intelligence 
apparatuses. After one of the key conspirators called Director 
McDonnell's direct line from an untraceable number, Robert 
swallowed it hook line and sinker. Being the by-the-book operative 
he has always been, he reported it to his direct superior: O5-5. Five 
had, for years, handled counterintelligence, while you handled 
intelligence collection, until his untimely demise left a skill vacuum 
on the Council you offered to satisfy until the appointment of a 
replacement Overseer could occur, likely after the holidays." 


Seven frowned slightly. The report was not going as expected. 


Taking a breath on his cigarette, Harper continued, "The death of 
Five and Director McDonnell was easy enough for the conspirators 
to arrange, for they had knowledge of a device which could 


explosively detonate a mundane-looking object from half a world 
away. This device, the explosive coins and their associated atlas, 
had been used by the Foundation once before to destroy an 
American naval vessel, causing a war that directly benefited this 
organization. Unfortunately, the coins had been stolen by Marshall, 
Carter and Dark after Fidel Castro had nationalized the site where 
they were stored. This presented little obstacle for the plotters, 
however, for they had inside access to the club's records. Whether 
Lord George Smith-Cumming was a willing member of the plot or an 
unlucky pawn sacrificed for the game, or even, indeed, if he had 
actually ever owned the coins at all, we may never know. But the red 
herring was there to confuse anyone who made it that far." 


Seven swallowed. Her right hand ever so slowly slid towards the 
pistol concealed in the small of her back, moving carefully to avoid 
notice. 


Harper exhaled, and said, "The conspirators were clever, really, for 
they held positions from whence they could not only monitor the 
investigations, but they could direct it. They could play both sides off 
the middle, and for a while it worked. My investigation took me to 
Europe, the Middle East, and the Soviet Union, while I'm sure the 
Global Occult Coalition's investigations required similar 
globetrotting. | was sent chasing the illusive C. In the meantime, the 
conspirators worked to either secure, or look as though they were 
securing, some SCPs with the capacity to not only inflict significant 
collateral damage if turned loose in a populated area, but also 
lacked stringent protective measures preventing their being seized 
with relative ease." 


Seven's fingers felt the grip of her pistol. 


"| would rather you didn't do that," Harper said, producing a weapon 
of his own with his right hand, his left still holding a cigarette. "I'm not 
finished yet," he said coolly. "You came to an agreement with 
Regional Deputy Director Keith Bain at the GOC, another of the key 
conspirators," Harper continued, "having him hire a drunk to kill my 
family ten years ago, so that | would agree to take a promotion that 
would eventually land me here: as the investigator who would be 
keeping you apprised of your own conspiracy to seize control of the 
Foundation. Unfortunately, Bain made a mistake. The drunk he hired 


was his bodyguard's twin brother - the same bodyguard he used to 
assassinate 05-3 and his own direct superior as part of the 
conspiracy. By shooting his bodyguard, he neatly prevented the 
assassin from giving up the secret of his employer, while 
simultaneously becoming the hero of the situation for the GOC." 


"Foundation-Coalition relations will be set back decades because of 
this," Cornelia said. 


Harper shook his head, "Possible, but unlikely, given that the O5 
Council provided the Coalition's leadership with incontestable 
financial proof of Bain's treachery. Greedy bastard, Bain. | 
understand they have placed him under arrest." Cornelia looked 
slightly ashen. Harper paused to take a breath on his cigarette, then 
continued. "| don't know who in the Chaos Insurgency you were in 
bed with, but having them hit Research Site-29 right after | left was a 
nice touch, as was leaving Ford around to say what had been taken. 
And, if he took the blame for the attack, so much the better." 


If looks could kill, Harper would long since have been blasted 
backwards through the tinted window behind him. He was relatively 
unconcerned with dirty looks, however, as his pistol was leveled 
neatly at his adversary's chest. "| have been cleared to know the 
truth about SCP-006. Clever bit of acting, buying Sir James' service 
in the conspiracy with water from the fountain of youth. 
Unfortunately for you, | determined the real identity of C, Cornelia." 


Cornelia Dark let out a quick, barking laugh, "You know nothing." 


Harper smiled, "Sir James mentioned how you and he had first met: 
‘in university, one giving a lecture the other attended,’ he said. | 
realize now that you were the lecturer, not him, despite the 
appearances of your ages. You've been planning this for a very long 
time. It's over now. You will spend the remainder of your natural life 
in as cold, dark, and damp a hole as the Foundation can find." 


"Like Hell!" Cornelia snarled. With astonishing speed, a tiny pistol 
appeared in her hand out of the sleeve of her suit jacket. She raised 
her arm to fire. Two shots rang out, and Cornelia Dark, née 
Roosevelt, formerly O5-7, fell to the floor dead, two bullet holes 
through her heart. 


form of infection is currently considered a minor concern. 


These peculiarities have given rise to a series of questions 
regarding the possible origin of the infection in conjunction with the 
failed [DATA EXPUNGED]. Containment protocol remains at a 
scorched earth policy at this time and no concern for transmission 
via water or air at infection parameters exists barring situational 
changes in the field. 


Description: Initial reports of SCP-610 came direct from the 
Russian government through undisclosable channels. These reports 
consisted primarily of disappearances of farmers in the region and 
were not considered until the local police, followed by the regional 
police, and finally a government dispatched agent all failed to report 
in within a 72 hour period. A small military contingent was 
dispatched to the area and quickly withdrew at which point The 
Foundation was contacted to investigate. 


The area SCP-610 affects is close to Lake Baikal in Southern 
Siberia. Areas of known infection are marked on a map provided to 
uS here. Containment perimeters are marked in blue surrounding 
these infection areas and as of present no further locations have 
been identified. Incursions into the perimeter must be reported prior 
to conducting, confirmed during exploration, and debriefed on 
immediately following return. 


SCP-610 appears to be a contagious skin disease at first with 
symptoms including rash, itching, and increased skin sensitivity. 
Within 3 hours the disease will cause blemishes resembling heavy 
scar tissue to form in the chest and arm areas, spreading to the legs 
and back within an additional hour, consuming the victim completely 
within five hours. Exposure to higher temperatures vastly decreases 
the time for the contagion to spread and complete infections have 
been recorded occurring in as little as five minutes. 


After the completion of the infection occurs the victim's life functions 
will cease for approximately 3 minutes after which time they will 
restart at 2-3 times the activity rate of a normal human. Following 
this, the scar tissue on the victims will start to move of its own 
accord and grow at a rapid rate. Normal human features start to 
disappear at this point under the infection and the path of mutation 


"A pity,” said a low voice. "It would have been nice to know who her 
contact in the Insurgency was." A figure stepped out of the shadows 
in the corner of the room. A nondescript man, unremarkable in 
nearly every facet of his appearance, he was O5-1, the first among 
equals of the O5 Council. 


"| apologize, sir," Harper said respectfully. 


O5-1 replied, "You need not worry, it was self defense. The cleaning 
crew has had more substantial messes than this to clean - they are 
getting quite remarkable at getting blood out of carpet." 


"Yes, sir," Harper said. 


"Now, Mr. Harper, | have spoken with the other Overseers," O5-1 
said, "and we would like you to assume the duties of O5-7, effective 
immediately. Do you accept?" 


Me? An Overseer? Harper thought to himself in surprise. He took a 
long moment to consider, then answered, "Yes." 


"Very well," 05-1 said, producing a black identification card with a 
gold border, Harper's photograph, and '05-7' printed in gold. 
"Welcome aboard, Seven. The Council's first assignment for you is 
to oversee the closure of this conspiracy investigation. Allow me to 
make something perfectly clear: this never happened. There was 
never a plot to overthrow the Council or to seize control of the world 
behind the Veil. Your predecessor was not shot; she retired. Please 
see to it that Mr. Muir and Ms. Daniel understand how events took 
place, and see to it that all documentation reflects what happened 
accurately." 


"Yes, sir," the Foundation's newest Overseer said. 
"One more thing, Seven," O5-1 said, turning to leave. "Make sure 


you got them all." 


« Part XII | HUB | Epilogue » 


Cool War 2: Ruiz From Your Grave 


>unzip COOL_war_2_ruiz_frOm_yOur_gr4ve.7z 
Extracting 232 Files... 

Extracted! 

>del COOL_war_2_ru1z_frOm_yOur_gr4ve.7z 
Deleting... Deleted! 

>dir 

> 001. Cool War: Death & Rebirth (Summary) 
> 002. The Dawn Of A New Era 

> 003. Where Fearful Feet Dare Not Tread 

> 004. wowwee un kill ursefl 

> 005. Deconstruction Of A God 

> 006. Art Is A Gateway Drug 

> 007. The Snipper Reborn 

> 008. Joey And Overgang And Rita And Molly And 
Zombies 

> 009. You Did What? 

> 010. Fifty Percent Off Everything 

> 011. Potential Tradeoffs 

> 012. The Second Cool War Begins 

> 013. | Can See The Light 

> 014. The Madness Sets In Fast 

> 015. Antidisestablishmentarianism 

> 016. Pork Crackling Is Repulsive 

> 017. The Characteristic Dipole 

> 018. Messages Transmitted And Recieved 
> 019. Anusparade Assholes 

> 020. A Series Of Changes 

> 021. A Broken Bookshelf 

> 022. Raptor Orgies Are More Fun Than You'd Think 
> 023. But Less Than You'd Hope 

> 024. Actually A Lot Less Than You’d Hope 
> 025. Allegory Of The Two Bothers 

> 026. A Time Independent Algorithm 

> 027. Noxious Fumes Fill The Area 


> 028. 
> 029: 
> 030. 
> 031. 
> 032. 
> 033. 
> 034. 
> 035. 
> 036. 
> 037. 
> 038. 
> 039. 
> 040. 
> 041. 
> 042. 
> 048. 
> 044. 
> 045. 
> 046. 
> 047. 
> 048. 
> 049. 


The Byzantine Empire Was Secretly Aliens 
The Obligatory Fanservice Story 
Tumultuous Times And Nothing To Think About 
Can | Taste Your Pupils 

Agent Green Cartwheels Into The Story 
Rice Paper Fish Catcher 

Paper Burns Quite Well 

But Not Underwater 

The Barton Prophecies 

An Uncomfortable And Awkward Handshake 
Another Juan Bites The Dust 

Nobody’s Home 

Cutting Coats And Throats 

Mikan 

This Statement Is Metaphorical 

Nothing Is Canon, Everything Is Permitted 

A Butt Too Fart 

Getting To The Crux Of Things 

Overgang Dood Eats A Sandwich 

The World Seems Like Nothing 

This Chapter Intentionally Left Blank 

Rita Learns About The Birds And The Bees In 


The Worst Way 


> 050. 
= O51: 
> 052. 


Blind 


> 053. 
> 054. 
= 055: 
> 056. 
> 057. 
> 058. 
2059: 
> 060. 
> 061. 
> 062. 
> 063. 
> 064. 
> 065. 


Tsun Tsun Dere Dere 
Get Booked In To The Priory 
An Eye For An Eye Leaves The Whole World 


As Would Masturbating Endlessly 

Suddenly, NINJAS 

Agent Green Disapproves Of All This Nonsense 
DISCONNECTION ERROR 
RECONNECTING 

Nothing Is Better 

Mared Gretchen Hosts A Rave Party 

Seven New Characters Are Introduced 
Seven Characters Die Unexpectedly 
Conservation Of Momentum 

Better To Have Nothing Than Everything 
Some People Get Angry About Video Games 
The World Collapses From Its Own Weight 


> 066. 
> 067. 
> 068. 
> 069. 
> 070. 
= 071. 
> O72: 
> 073. 
> 074. 
= O75. 
> 076. 
> 077. 
> 078. 
079: 


Maybe Capitalism Is A Bad Idea 

No, Never Mind, Better Than The Alternative 
Futanari Titwhore Fiasco: Live In Crimea! 
The Warmup Act 

Et Tam Deum Poopy 

The Life And Times Of Terry Shultz 

A Slice Of Delicious Pie 

War Criminals 

Whore Criminals 

Water On The Knee 

"Legally Acquired Software" 

A Dog Is Put Down 

Because It Was Too Heavy 

And Its Weight Resulted In Incurable 


Physiological Problems 


> 080. 
> 081. 
> 082. 
> 083. 
> 084. 
> 085. 
> 086. 
> 087. 
> 088. 
> 089. 
> 090. 


It Was All Just The Dream Of An Angel 

Anime Is Art Too, Guys 

A Light Read Before Bedtime 

I’d Rather Not Think 

Someone Steals Aldon's Penis 

Lacerations To The Sternum 

This Is Not A Joke 

Tremolo And Crescendo 

Agent Clef Appears, Nobody Likes The Cameo 
Nobody Appears, Agent Clef Likes The Cameo 
You Can’t Have Your Cake And Eat It Without 


Getting Fat 


SND 


Here 


> 092. 
> 093. 
> 094. 
> 095. 
> 096. 
> 097. 
> 098. 
> 099. 
> 100. 
> 101. 


Eris, Anima, And Timothy Wonder How They Got 


Wait Was That A Walrus 

A Twisted Copper Wire Pair 

37 Years Of Backpay 

A Library But Not, You Know, THE Library 
Agent Green Shoots A Gun 

Ruiz Dies Again 

An Intermission To Keep You Hanging 
Mutually Artsured Destruction 

Why Aren't You Helping? 

Overgang Loses Every Pair Of Glasses But 


Nineteen Of Them 


> 102. Some More Events Transpire 

> 103. This Isn't A Spelling Mistak It Is Never A Spelling 
Mistak 

> 104. Fights 

> 105. Knife Fights 

> 106. Running Up A Bunch Of Stairs 

> 107. Knife Fights On Top Of A Skyscraper 

> 108. The Skyscraper Is Also A Rocketship 

> 109. Knife Fights On Top Of A Rocketship Skyscraper 
> 110. Everyone Dies Of Asphyxiation 

> 111. A Mysterious Walrus Saves The Day 

> 112. Cracking Knuckles Can Kill The Cartilage 

> 113. Agent Green Is An Ineffectual Badass 

> 114. Not On Opposite Day 

> 115. Jesus Appears, Hi-Fives Everybody 

> 116. Ruiz Gets Better 

> 117. A Computer Mouse That Is Also A Biological 
Mouse 

> 118.1 Think | Lost My Keys 

> 119. Fred Enters The Story, Shakes His Head 
Disappointedly, Then Leaves 

> 120. Nested Loops 

> 121. Do Not Pass Go 

> 122. Pan To Left, Watch Tumbleweeds 

> 123. Quantum Immortality 

> 124. A Stylistic Decision 

> 125. Cool Is In The Eye Of The Beholder 

> 126. A Lull In The Middle 

> 127. A Bulge In The Middle 

> 128. Joey And Overgang Totally Make Out But No 
Homo 

> 129. Scarlet Ninth Was Adopted 

> 130. Your Mom Is So Fatwah 

> 131. The Virus Spreads To The World 

> 132. The Following Statement Is False 

> 133. The Previous Statement Is True 

> 134. Words In An Interesting Order 

> 135. If A Bear Shits In The Woods, Does It Make A 
Sound? 

> 136. Even Murderers Have Mothers 


> 137. Rita Adopts A Stray Walrus That Seems A Bit 
Familiar 

> 138. Eroticism Is Actually Communism 

> 139. A Post Scarcity Utopia 

> 140. Vomit Twice Removed 

> 141. What’s A King To A God 

> 142. The Prescription For Sadness 

> 148. Molly Stares Into The Void And The Void Goes 
Mad 

> 144. Nothing Of Importance Happens In This One, Just 
Skip It 

> 145. Ruiz Dies Again, Again 

> 146. A Small Man Dances In A Red Room 

> 147. Intermission That You Won't Understand, Plebian 
> 148. The Friday Exhibitionist 

> 149. Exclusive And Gate 

> 150. Gotta Catch Them All 

> 151. Also, Mew 

> 152. [WAS THIS FUNNY THE FIRST TIME] 

> 153. Joey Steals The Declaration Of Independence