Mary, standing on her tippy-toes, put the steak into Big Bear's 
mouth. "Hello, Big Bear." The little girl stepped back, and the carving 
closed its mouth, its eyes lighting up. Mary gasped. Big Bear was 
magic... 


"All right campers," Counselor Dan said, "The bad things in the 
woods can't get us now! You're all safe to run around camp at dark, 
but don't let us catch you!" The campers cheered. 


Mary couldn't sleep. She missed her mom and dad, and woke up 
crying. Why was she here? She knew she asked, but she didn't 
know she'd be so homesick... and she needed to go to the 
bathroom. 


She stepped outside of the girl's cabin quietly, and onto the lantern- 


lit walk to the toilet. She was glad Big Bear was watching over the 
camp; it was scary at night, but the lights and Big Bear made it not 
SO SCary. 


After she came out of the restroom, she saw something near the 
path. It was the chainsaw man, from the movie her brother made her 
watch before she came here, but chainsaw man wasn't real it was 
just a movie. "Mommy..." 


Big Bear came out of nowhere and ate the chainsaw man right up. 
He then walked with Mary back to the cabin. 


Mary woke up just then, still in her bed. She didn't need to use the 
bathroom, and realized that she had been dreaming. She didn't 
remember what the dream was about by the time the morning came. 


Tuesday was Arts and Crafts. They were supposed to help decorate 
Big Bear, make him scarier so the bad things wouldn't hurt the 
camp. She knew it was all pretend, but it was still fun. She got to 
paint a big scary face on Big Bear's chest, and gave him a medal 
that said "Best Bear Ever". 


Camp wasn't so bad, that night. She slept and dreamed that she 
was with Big Bear, riding him through the forest and helping him 
fight the bad things. 


Wednesday was a nature walk. It was fun. She found a big footprint 
that her camp book said was a Bear Track! "Look counselor Dan, 
look! It's one of Big Bear's!" 


"Right you are, Mary! Right you are." He pointed to another footprint 
next to it, this one a triangle. "Looks like he was going after a bad 
thing. | hope he got it." Counselor Dan showed them about how to 
hide yourself from bad bears that weren't Big Bear. 


On Thursday, Mary slept. At least, she thought she slept; she 
couldn't remember doing anything. 


Big Bear was gone. Nobody knew what happened. He had just... 
gone. The counselors said they had called the police, and Counselor 
Dan was scared of something. Mary didn't know why; it was all 
pretend. The bad things weren't real. 


Counselor Dan did a magic trick after dinner, and made himself fly; it 
wasn't a very good trick, though. Nobody was around to see it, and 
you could see him hanging by the rope. 


The other counselors said that Counselor Dan had hurt himself 
doing his trick and had to go home, now. They would be sending the 
campers home tomorrow. 


"I'm here at Camp Krakkow, where dozens of parents arrived this 
morning to a gruesome sight. Over 50 people are believed to be 
dead, most of them children. Parents arrived here to pick up their 
children early after a camp counselor reportedly died of unknown 
circumstances. The FBI is investigating, as are local police, who 
refuse to disclose any details, except for the absence of the camp's 
mascot 'Big Bear’, a statue kept in the dining hall. There's a truck 
pulling up now from the Southern Camping Partnership, which 
recently purchased Camp Krakkow... Sir? Sir! Wendy Dolittle, 
Channel 4 News, can we get a comment?" 


|Hub| 


Life in the Multiverse 


"Portal's stabilized. You're good to go. Say hi to 507 if you see him." 
The operator of the portal chuckled at his joke. 


Trevor Bailey stepped through the portal to F-601432-Gamma; he 
emerged in the equivalent Site 87 on the other side, run by the 
Manna, Siskel, Parker, and Cooper Charitable Trust. The MSCPCT 
had decided that it was going to use anomalous artifacts for the 
good of the people, but it couldn't do it alone; while Foundation 
policy was to secure, contain and protect in this universe, the 
MSCPCT was "Save, Provide and Create for a better world." 


In this universe, citrus was inedible (Vitamin C was a toxin if 
ingested) and instead used as a cheap biofuel; however, citrus had 
largely gone extinct in the 70's, and was now heavily regulated by 
the Brazilian government, who refused to export to the USA. The 
MSCPCT would give some petroleum in exchange for a large 
shipment of Florida orange juice. 


All Trevor could think about was how nobody in this universe ever 
caught scurvy. 


Tom Bailey stepped into the shadows of the evening sun, onto a 
prairie, in a brand new world. The difference here was quite obvious: 
all flora around him was shades of red as opposed to green. Also, 
there appeared to be elephants in the distance, co-existing with 
what seemed to be American Bison. Birds as big as Jet liners circled 
overhead harmlessly; they ate only the mega-insectiods that flew 
with them. It was raining, and a balmy 70 degrees. He'd be camping 
here for the next 24 hours, taking soil and plant samples, and even 
collecting fauna, if he could. "Excellent." 


Tom loved worlds like this. It always made him feel like a kid again, 
going into worlds that seemed almost imaginary. Maybe that's what 
this universe, and several others were: imaginary. Just pictures 


drawn by a kid on a rainy day, and put up on a fridge. The universe, 
in a crayon drawing. 


Tristan Bailey looked outside at the New York skyline. It wasn't his 
New York, of course; the Twin Towers were still standing, but the 
Chrysler Building was gone from sight. Two of Earth's moons were 
visible beyond the WTC; the third would be rising in about an hour, 
and the fourth wouldn't be seen until morning. 


He always felt uneasy on urban assignments; he was meant only to 
observe, and observing he was, at an anart exhibition in the MoMA. 
Or rather, about half a mile above the MoMA; the centerpiece of this 
gallery was Temptation, a giant piece of lodestone suspended 
above New York. It came complete with a ledge to (bungee) jump off 
of. 


"And now, to begin our journey through the world of Larts 
Dimpossible, the Curator of the Museum of Modern Art, Alfons 
Hitler!" Tristan almost spat out his drink at that, and suddenly 
remembered that there had only been one World War in this 
universe. 


This night was going to be interesting. 


As far as Trevor was concerned, A-2190-Omega could go fuck itself. 


A-2190-Omega had swapped time zones, and in addition to that, the 
Earth spun the wrong direction. He had to wake up at 1:00 AM to go 
to a meeting at 1:00 PM in this universe's Site 87. The coffee was 
unbearably sweet, the energy drinks were bitter, and they had 
destroyed their ozone layer, so natural light was a no-no. 


Trevor envied his brothers; the most he got to see was the inside of 
other universe's SCP sites, while Tom got to go exploring, and 
Tristan? Tristan could do what he wanted for the sake of research. 
He had even taken over Trevor's duties as a diplomat once. 


"Mr. Bailey, if you are going to sleep, then please go to the dormitory 
in your native universe." The room let out a cackle. Trevor sighed; 


why was it that in every universe, people with blue skin were 
absolute dickheads? 


"Anything eventful, Doctor Bailey?" 


"It's fascinating! In this universe, the English language developed a 
word that rhymes with both purple and orange! I've written it 
down..." 


"We'll run it by memetics before sending it to linguistics. Anything 
else?" 


"Well, the First President of the United States was hermaphroditic. 
So there's that." 


Bailout: So, that's how Booth would've killed Lincoln. 
HerstriOnix: bullshit. 

sirsolmanhandyman: why would Booth even want to kill 
Lincoln? Booth was an abolitionist. 

snickeringsnicket: that's the biggest load of bullshit i've 
heard since the time westmarkhero suggested a world 
without Batman comics would've exploded due to Bill 
Finger becoming a nuclear scientist or something 
MarvelRoxDCSux: DC RIPPED OFF BILL FINGER! 
MarvelRoxDCSux has been booted from 
#historitdidnthappen by HerstriOnix (freaking 10-year-old) 
snickeringsnicket: still, i did like the bit where you 
talked about people being surprised about the ending to 
the movie lincoln in your scenario 


Tristan rolled his eyes and sighed. For the sake of "research", he'd 
joined a historical speculation chatroom in this universe, and he was 
severely regretting it. Still, it was educational, if painful; the First 
Moon Landing occurred in 1962, for one, but they didn't go public 
until 1970. 


Bailout: Fine, that was a bit speculative, but how about 
this: The Hindenburg caught fire. 
HerstriOnix: I'm listening... 


Tom took off his breathing apparatus as he joined his brothers in 
Tristan's quarters. "| was just in a universe where the air was pure 
ethanol, but doesn't ignite." He grinned. "| got someone in chemistry 
making a liquor out of it as we speak. Assuming the lab animals 
don't die, we'll have trans-universal hooch by the weekend." 


Tristan let out a snort. "| was in the universe you found last month, 
F-90241 -Phi; as it turns out, Isaac Newton figured out a way to 
convert lead into platinum. It involves a Hell of a lot of radiation, and 
as a result, cancer is the number one cause of death in the world." 


Trevor sighed. "I got sucked into negotiations with the Republic of 
Australia-Hungary." 


Tom blinked. "Don't you mean Austria?" 


"No. Australia. As in kangaroos, Steve Irwin, G'day mate... they 
wanted to trade a plant that grew fucking Vegemite for the 
introduction of the hazelnut to their ecosystem." He sighed. 
"Sometimes, | don't know if we have the best job in the world, or the 
worst." 


"Think of it this way, Trev." Tristan said. "Within the next few 
months, you'll get to have a nice, cozy office at Site 19 instead of 
working in the backwoods town of Backwoods." 


Trevor snorted. "| hope you enjoy having my old position, bro. You'll 
be stuck here with Tom Bombadill." He smirked at Tom, who threw a 
small, metal canteen at his head in response. 


The mountaintop was the only piece of land he could see for miles. 
And he was on top of it. 


lt was warm, and pleasant. The sun overhead was red, but not a red 
giant, it was just the way the atmosphere was coloring it. Perfectly 
breathable oxygen, just dyed a different shade. Tom looked around 
the air on the mountaintop, taking pictures of the aether around him. 
He didn't care if this was just a Floater world; he always found the 
floaters to be 12 times more fascinating than any Hub or Branch 


world. 


Circling around the mountaintop were large creatures, resembling 
saw-toothed fish. They were big enough that you could fly a zeppelin 
into their mouths and not come out the other end for a week. He 
took as many pictures of those as he could and let out a contented 
sigh once he ran out of space on his camera. 


"Dr. Bailey? Come back through. We're going to close the portal in 
10 minutes." 


"Just a little longer, if you don't mind." 


"I'm sorry, but negotiations cannot continue between our universes, 
as your universe is about four times normal Earth gravity over here. 
Either you come here, or no dice." 


"Then | guess it's no dice." The other side cut off connection, and 
Trevor sighed with relief. Of course, he could have just used an 
exoskeleton, but that made signing papers so much more difficult 
than it needed to be. 


Tristan rubbed his hair and looked through the stable window into 
the other universe. "Wait... so, in this reality, Earth is a gas giant?" 


Tom nodded, looking through the portal. "Solid core, though. 
Pressure's not too high, and gravity's normal; you can walk on the 
surface without getting crushed, theoretically." 

"How big is this core?" 

"About a Kilometer across." 

"Talk about a short horizon." 

"Yeah." 

"Any life?" 


"No, there isn't. Just a Floater, I'm afraid." 


"...you want to explore it anyway, don't you?" 


"Does a cat eat mice?" 


"Hello, my name is Trevor Bailey. | am speaking to you through a 
telepathic communicator developed by the SCP Foundation..." 


Trevor looked around the entry to the other Site 87, where several 
green-skinned humans looked at him in confusion. "The what CP 
Foundation?" 


"Esss Cee-" 


The head of the person closest to Trevor suddenly exploded. He 
jumped back through the portal, and closed it behind him, spattered 
in blood. 


"What the he// kind of a universe is it when people don't evolve the 
ability to comprehend the letter "S"?!" 


"Wait... animals evolved alongside humans. How does that work?" 


"Honestly, if you're not an evolutionary biologist, or at the very least 
a geneticist, it's very hard to explain." The talking coyote was not the 
most bizarre thing that Tristan Bailey had ever seen; it wasn't even 
in the top ten. The fact that it walked on its hind legs maybe put it in 
the top 50, the opposable thumbs in the top 30. It was the labcoat it 
was wearing that pushed it into the top 20. "Suffice to say, there 
may have been some inter-species breeding at some point." 


Tristan closed his eyes and grimaced. "Ew." The coyote simply 
snorted and muttered something about racism. 


"Gravity appears to be non-existent in this universe," Tom said into a 
tape recorder. "However, the very fact that | am recording this 
indicates that other forces, such as magnetism and the strong and 
weak forces, do exist." 


"Although," Tom said, looking down at the world below him (if the 


SCP-732: The Fan-Fic Plague 


Item #: SCP-7“@$#OVAR 9000!!!1!!"(#$ 
Object Class: Ke@#%” SUPR1337KETERI!!! 17 1/1111 1/#$%?" 


Special Containment Procedures: SCP-732 is currently uncont@! 
#%$ U CANT HES INVINCABLE!!!11!1!1!111/@#$wever, if 
containable, let alone contained, SCP-732 should be kept away from 
all vital records and should be @#$%3’@4167 Subject must be 
provided with a 1500 room mansion and a secret lab with which to 
combat crime and villainv@#$5$%86& ‘ll compromised records must 
be destroyed to avoid further contamination of our database. 


Description: SCP-732 is a force or entity whic#%“&@Subject is 
impossibly witty and charming’&*(%@nges our records into fan- 
fiction ramblin$%’& Subject has psykic powers and can blow peple 
up with teh blink of an eye#$%"bouts are currently unknow@#$% 
HES WITH ALL THE KEWL SCPS@#$%@$auiries into the nature 
of SCP-732 have met with little success 48% TEH HOROR!!!1!!11/! 
TEH ELdRICH HOROR!!!111///11!//@#hile there is no certain 
evidence, it is theorized tha#$%"$ Subject likes cult classics %”8&* 
%of our records have been compromised by SCP-732. 


ADDENDUM-732-01: A recent breach in SCP-/ 
@z#i'manorphanwithnofamilybutlotsofmone ybwahahahaha!@'s 
containment, which should have warranted the simple and safe 
procedure of [DATA EXPUNGED], -somehow- led to the deployment 
of Mobile Task Force Omega-7. SCP-076%”“kicked abel's ass and 
now he's my bestestestfirend evar!|@# was quite displeased when 
he found that the "elfin death god" he was sent to contain was not a 
death god of any sort at all. Quite $$0nadatewithSCP- 105! 
%displeased.. For the sake of our remaining budget, it is strongly 
advised that more effective methods be found for countering 
SCP-732's corruption’ %$fgsfds!@#. 


—Dr. 


word "below" even applied here), "It is troubling to wonder how this 
planet continues to orbit the sun without any gravity, let alone how 
the sun formed without gravity." 


Trevor sighed and drummed his fingers against the desk, watching 
the two-headed being sitting across from him. "You seem troubled," 
They said through the translator. "Is everything amicable with the 
current situation?" 


"I'd just like to take a break, is all."