Item description: "Malinalxochitl's Xocolatl." A small aluminum can, 
with a label in what appears to be the Aztec language, illustrated 
with a stylized female mascot clad in traditional Meso-American 
dress smiling and holding up a cup emitting steam. Bottom of can 
has self-heating filament; activating it heats the liquid. Tastes faintly 
of chocolate, but is bitter and slightly spicy. 


Money entered: 300 yen 

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered 

Item description: "Philosopher's Figs 'n Honey." A small lidded 
ceramic box similar in style to ancient Greek pottery. The Greek 
label indicated there was a "special Philosopher prize" inside. Box 
was separated by a ceramic divide down the center. One half 
contained honey, and the other half contained several fresh figs. 
Honey described as "clovery". The prize inside was a miniature 
marble bust of Plato. 


Money entered: 500 yen 

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered 

Item description: "FairyFairy [sic] Alchemy Coins." A white 
package of cracker-like medallions, quarter-sized, with alchemical 
symbols inscribed on their surfaces. Label, which is in Middle 
English, has a few cartoon fairies waving magic wands over the 
crackers. Crackers containing gold and silver had their innards 
extracted. D-class ate the cracker shells of both and noted that they 
were similar in taste and texture to saltines. Other crackers 
contained vitriol, hydrochloric acid, antimony, mercury, and lead. 


Money entered: 535 yen 
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered 


maybe eleven or twelve, and | was holding the sword 
with both hands. | took it out just so | could fight in some 
tournament that my brother had gotten sick for. People 
pointed at me as | went, and | thought | was in trouble. 
Then some old guy with a horse head over his face 
came up to me and said | was a ruler. Son of a bitch. 


Statement 2307-42: 


| was an old man, and I'd been walking for a long, long 
time. | eventually walked up to a rock with a sword in it, 
just sitting there in the middle of nowhere, and | touched 
it. Then, BAM! | was knocked on my ass by lightning, 
and something spoke to me. It told me to find a boy to 
make king, and to spread her word all over. | said that | 
would. 


Then... this is the first time this has happened. | was 
somewhere else, talking with the boy, who was now a 
man. | tried to persuade him to change his religion, but 
he said he would banish me if | tried teaching him my 
“pagan faith" again. | don't know what | was even 
preaching; something about machines, | think. 


Statement 2307-51: 


| was some kind of religious guy; monk, maybe? | 
remember | had itchy robes. | found the sword after it 
had washed up on the shore, and then | figured out it 
wasn't a sword. It was, like... the tip of a giant pen. A 
stylus, | think | called it? 


| ran back to the monastery with it, and when | got 
there... | found that scrolls that | had written had 
changed. We cried out about apocrypha and an unholy 
force altering the scrolls. We tried to destroy the pen, 
piece by piece, but the more we destroyed, the more 
things we had altered. And then the lightning started. 


It struck all over the place, and friends and other monks 
were dying. It was horrible. Eventually, the monastery 


caught fire, and | was the only one to escape. A voice... 
something grinding like nails on a chalkboard mixed with 
rusty gears- told me what to do with what was left over of 
the pen. | took it to a blacksmith, and he made it into a 
sword for me. | then just... stuck it in a rock in the middle 
of a stone circle, where | thought that nobody would ever 
find it. From what I've seen... this me was an idiot. 


Statement 2307-57: 


| was that... weird water woman, this time, the one | told 
you about in the one where | died. | had lived in the lake 
all my life. Some monks- | think they were from the same 
order as the last guy- came to me, asking me to keep 
something safe for them. They begged and bargained 
with me, saying that something unholy was upon the 
land. | told them | "did not care of their mortal ways" -her 
words, not mine-, and then they said a name: 
MEKHANE. 


| told them | would agree to whatever they wanted me to 
do. They had sent someone disguised as the son of the 
king who had the sword- who had apparently been made 
with his half-sister, ew- to kill him in battle. They said that 
they would... bless my lake, and one of my sister's lakes, 
to hold the sword of MEKHANE in it, so that it couldn't 
make new legends, whatever that means. In exchange, | 
would be written about as a queen among fairies- er, fae, 
or whatever. The Lady of the Lake, they called me. | 
liked the sound of that. Son of a bitch. 


Statement 2307-59's: 


| was writing the word of the world, on a beach, using 
lightning. My people ran around below me, gathering up 
the glass from where the lightning struck, and 
transcribing my word onto their own scrolls, where they 
would make my holy books. Then, one day, | was hit 
by... something, and my pen broke. | managed to make 
most of it land on the beach, but... some of it didn't. 


A big chunk of my pen landed a quarter of the way 
across the world, somewhere where | didn't care about it. 
And then they tried to break it. | didn't like that, so | tried 
to burn them with lightning and eventually, they gave in. 


I've probably told you the rest of this, but from different 
perspectives. One thing | remember, though... 
remember that Lady of the Lake girl? | remember doing 
something to the sword- her kind didn't like iron- so that it 
wouldn't hurt her, or anyone like her. | don't know why | 
did it; | kind of remember thinking it was for safekeeping. 


And then | saw... myself, holding the sword with that hat 
on, and then | saw the whole thing over again, and over, 
and over, and over, and over... until | finally dropped it. 


Footnotes 

1. Lakes in Cornwall, UK and North Wales, respectively 

2. Phonetic translation has shown this to be the a Welsh phrase, 
"Bydd pwy bynnag tynnu cleddyf hwn fod brenin y tir", roughly 
translated to mean "He who pulls this blade shall be the land's king" 


« SCP-2306 | SCP-2307 | SCP-2308 » 


SCP-2308: Futures Trading 


NOTICE FROM THE RECORDS AND INFORMATION 
SECURITY ADMINISTRATION 


This document describes an anomaly that was neutralized prior to 
its identification and classification. This record is maintained for 
the benefit of historical and scientific reference, in accordance 
with RAISA-3010 ("Archival of Documentation for Neutralized 

Anomalies"). 


Item #: SCP-2308 
Object Class: Neutralized 
Special Containment Procedures: N/A 


Description: SCP-2308 was a line of high-performance consumer 
automobiles manufactured between 1999 and 2009, and sold from 
1998 to 2008, by Argo Automotives!. Automobiles from the 
SCP-2308 model line possessed no anomalous properties of their 
own, except for being manufactured a year after they were sold. 


Through the use of a currently unidentified temporal anomaly, Argo 
Automotives created a Temporal Self-Investment Loop2. 
Automobiles were manufactured using then-current non-anomalous 
technology, then were sent one year into the past to be sold as high- 
technology, high-performance vehicles. The money from these sales 
was then used to fund the development and manufacture of the 
vehicles that had just been sold. 


Argo Automotives profited greatly from this strategy, up until the 
global financial crisis of 2008. Faced with a drastic drop in demand 
for automobiles, Argo Automotives found itself unable to sell its 2009 
year model, and was thus unable to attain the necessary funds to 
develop and manufacture the 2009 year model. Despite this, Argo 


Automotives began manufacturing the vehicle in-order to prevent a 
potential temporal paradox. While the company succeeded in 
producing and delivering all of the necessary vehicles, the effort left 
Argo Automotives bankrupt. 


The Foundation first became aware of SCP-2308 in 2010, during the 
liquidation proceedings for Argo Automotives, when several of its 
former manufacturing employees were hired by a Foundation front 
company. An investigation was immediately launched to determine 
the full extent of the Temporal Self-Investment Loop involved, as 
well as identify any potential paradoxes it may have created. 


This investigation found that the loop was relatively self-contained, 
and identified no paradoxes’. However, the temporal anomaly used 
in the production of SCP-2308 could not be found; it is believed to 
have been surreptitiously sold to an unknown buyer prior to the 
liquidation proceedings. Efforts are ongoing to locate it. 


Footnotes 

1. Formerly Prometheus Automobile Group, a subsidiary of 
Prometheus Laboratories that became independent when the 
Prometheus conglomerate collapsed in 1998. 

2. A paraeconomic investment strategy involving the use of future 
assets to fund past developments. Most notably used by 
Prometheus Labs between 1980 and 1992 to fund their 
paraweaponry programs; the disruption of this loop by the end of the 
Cold War was one of the contributing factors in the breakup of the 
Prometheus conglomerate. 

3. Whether this is due to precautions taken by Argo Automotives or 
due to neutralization of paradoxes by an alternate timeline 
Foundation is unknown. 


« SCP-2307 | SCP-2308 | SCP-2309 » 


SCP-2309: Iron Wall of Dhul-Qarnayn 


Item #: SCP-2309 
Object Class: Euclid 


Special Containment Procedures: In order to prevent 
unauthorized access, the area surrounding SCP-2309 has been 
enclosed by a chain-link fence and given the public designation of a 
proving ground used by the Georgian Land Forces. A team of 
observers is to be stationed at SCP-2309 at all times to regularly 
report on the structural condition of SCP-2309. Any breach in 
SCP-2309 is to be reported immediately and considered a potential 
SK-Class dominance shift scenario. Upon receiving such a report, 
Foundation military assets stationed in the Middle East are to be 
activated and deployed according to Contingency Plan-2309, to 
assess the situation, and, if applicable, engage any hostile forces 
that appear. 


Description: SCP-2309 is an approximately 20 m tall and 5 m thick 
wall, constructed from blocks of iron covered in a thin layer of brass, 
standing between the walls of the Pass in Region, Georgia. 
Although SCP-2309 is not susceptible to damage by conventional 
means, SCP-2309 continuously deteriorates through an anomalous 
process in which pieces of metal disappear from the north-facing 
side of SCP-2309, leaving a variety of patterns generally similar to 
claw marks in appearance. This process of deterioration, which 
occurs between sunrise and sunset, will continue until the thickness 
of the wall is reduced to as little as 5 cm in some sections. Between 
each period of deterioration, SCP-2309 will regenerate the lost 
material at a rate of approximately 0.5 mm/s, such that all of the lost 
material will have been regenerated before the next period of 
deterioration. 


Foundation historians believe that SCP-2309 was constructed 
during the 6th century BCE, under the sponsorship of Cyrus the 
Great, founder of the Achaemenid Empire. The historical existence 


of SCP-2309 has been attested by various written sources dating 
from as early as the 1St century CE1; publicly-accessible versions of 
these sources have been modified accordingly to obscure the 
existence and location of SCP-2309. Of particular interest among 
these sources is the following first-hand account of SCP-2309, given 
by Sallam at-Turjumani, an official serving in the court of caliph al- 
Wathiq of the Abbasid Dynasty, during the early 9th century CE. 


Open "Report on the Iron Wall" by Sallam at- 
Turjumani (Department of Antiquities: 1908.99.58) 


After the caliph reported a dream in which he 
saw the Iron Wall of Dhul-Qarnayn2 being 
breached by Yajuj and Majuj3, he dispatched 
me to investigate the matter. Heading 
northwards to the Caucasus, | arrived in Tbilisi 
after six months of travel. There | made 
inquiries concerning the state of the Iron Wall, 
and found an old Magian4 who told me that he 
had seen the Iron Wall, and that it still stood. | 
then offered him twenty dinars to lead me to 
the lron Wall, and without comment he led me 
further northward, to a pass between the 
mountains of and. There | beheld the 
Iron Wall, and to the relief of both the caliph 
and myself, | found that the Iron Wall still 
stood, and that Dhul-Qarnayn's construction 
equipment remained intact, scattered about 
the site. 


What | found strange, however, was that | 
could see the scratches made by Yajuj and 
Majuj on the Iron Wall, but | could not see 
Yajuj and Majuj themselves. When | expressed 
my confusion to the Magian, he told me that 
the people of Yajuj and Majuj lie hidden 
beyond the Iron Wall. He then placed his hand 
on my shoulder, at which point | saw the horde 
of Yajuj and Majuj streaming towards us as 
they tore at the Iron Wall. They were as 


gruesome as | had imagined, for their 
nakedness was not even hidden by skin, and 
their hands ended not in nails, but vicious 
rending claws. 


Behind the horde of Yajuj and Majuj, | saw 
only devastation: every tree and plant had 
been uprooted, and the only beasts that 
survived their onslaught were flies, maggots, 
and roaches. Examining the disposition of the 
forces of Yajuj and Majuj more closely, | saw 
two masked men, cloaked in red robes like 
those of Roman bishops, presiding over the 
horde from atop flesh-crafted towers. Before 
them stood a massive, four-legged beast that 
was larger than five elephants and had only a 
bony plate for a face. Raising their staves 
towards the air, they guided the beast as a 
performer might guide a puppet. Responding 
to their every gesture, the beast began to 
charge toward the Iron Wall, trampling 
underfoot the Yajuj and Majuj that strayed into 
its path, before its head slammed into the Iron 
Wall, which emerged largely unscathed. 


| questioned the Magian as to why Yajuj and 
Majuj continued this futile effort to penetrate 
the lron Wall, when they could have 
undermined it or built a scaffold. He replied 
that where Yajuj and Majuj stood, the ground 
was harder than Damascus steel and the 
ceiling of heaven was exactly at the height of 
the Iron Wall, so that even the most 
insignificant insect could not fly over it. | told 
the Magian that | had seen enough, and he 
removed his hand from my shoulder. As Yajuj 
and Majuj disappeared from my sight, he told 
me that the caliph and the rulers of every 
civilized land must heed the threat of Yajuj and 
Majuj. Sometimes | question whether my 


vision was a sign from Allah or a Magian trick, 
but | am inclined to believe that | was not 
deceived, for Allah is Knowing and Seeing, 
and | saw only what had already been 
revealed. 


Foundation archeologists began excavations of the area 
surrounding SCP-2309 in 1992. Among the articles of interest 
discovered were: 


¢ Acache of approximately one thousand Lydian coins. 

¢ A large number of iron and bronze fragments from 
Achaemenid weapons and armor. 

A collection of gears and other machine parts, probably used 
in the construction of SCP-2309. Many are stamped with the 
seals of the Mekhanite temple-cults of the lonian city-states. 
A mass grave containing skeletons with humanoid body 
structures largely similar to those of baseline Homo sapiens 
sapiens, deviating from the baseline in that their skulls largely 
consist of a vertically aligned pair of sharp jaws, and that their 
fingers end with bony claws. These specimens have been 
noted to resemble captured instances of SK-BIO Type B. 

A large clay cylinder, containing the following record, written in 
Old Persian, of the construction of SCP-2309 and the 
circumstances in which it took place.