Special Containment Procedures: Automated crawlers 
programmed by a Foundation personnel are to be utilized in the 
event of new instances of SCP-2267. Existing instances are to be 
downloaded into an encrypted Foundation network for study and 
subsequently removed from public view. Personnel are to update 
crawler search protocols weekly. 


Description: SCP-2267 is an entity or group that uploads 
anomalous content to video-sharing sites, including youtube.com 
and vine.co, under a series of unrelated and apparently nonsensical 
online handles. The accounts themselves have proven untraceable. 
Uploaded videos contain footage of musical performances, 
interviews, and advertisements featuring unknown musical artists 
and related figures. Despite the depicted popularity of these artists, 
personnel have concluded these recordings are not being produced 
in the Foundation's standard timeline and/or reality. 


Footage of performances depict fantastical and surrealistic venues, 
as well as the utilization of technology beyond current mundane 
capability. Analysis of these recordings has produced a list of 
reoccurring artists and their musical styles, as well as occasional 
biographical information presented in interviews (see Document 
2267-A). Researchers have also verified the date in which 
SCP-2267's home reality diverged from the standard timeline (see 
Document 2267-B). 


+ Partial Recording Log 


Title: Herewitz Interview 8/ 
Runtime: 04:56 
Description: Interview with a Caucasian male identified 


as "Jake Herewitz". Herewitz describes his childhood in 
Touchdown and early interest in music. No record of a 
city or geographical area known as "Touchdown" exists. 
Herewitz concludes with the interview with a song from 
his latest studio aloum, "Firefly Discoteque", consisting of 
orchestral rock and electronic elements. Of notice are 
the unusual idiomatic phrases and dialects heard in the 
interview which have no real-world analogues. 


Title: Kaylee live at 

Runtime: 20:45 

Description: Footage of concert in large domed arena in 
unidentified city. Unknown artist is performing a song 
borrowing from an eclectic variety of electronic sub- 
genres. Members of crowd can be seen holding up an 
object in the shape of a bowling pin at various points. 
Personnel could not deduce function of object until the 
"drop" of an apparent single, during which it was 
observed stage machinery produced multi-colored 
beams of light that were attracted to these objects, 
allowing choreographed manipulation of the beams' arc 
with movement. Researchers described the effect as 
"hypnotic" and "mesmerizing". 


Title: GREAT SHOW AT —s!!! MUST WATCH 
Runtime: 08:46 

Description: Footage of concert in what appears to be a 
traditional orchestral hall built from a slightly luminescent 
metal. Personnel described the on-stage figure as being 
seated in an elaborate machine similar in appearance to 
a gyroscope. The figure did not exhibit any signs of 
distress. Although they were not observed to vocalize or 
produce sounds through instrumentation, unstructured, 
harmonic tones were clearly audible. Subjects 
unanimously described the sound as beautiful and 
intoxicating. 


Title: [REDACTED] 
Runtime: 00:57 
Description: Advertisement for what appears to be the 


was moved to another room for continued study. 

Note 1: This appears to be normal behavior for the stone when it is 
not removed from target following death. Other experiments 
confirmed that penetration of a wood coffin and 1.8 m (6 ft) of soil 
requires a little more than 72 hours. 

Note 2: Due to the failure of this method of containment it is not 
recommended that SCP-260 be utilized as a power source. 


Scenario 3: SCP-260 was lured into a hollow, transparent, smooth 
plastic sphere (hereafter "hamster ball"). 

Result: While SCP-260 was prevented from climbing walls and 
deterred from teleportation, target motion allowed the SCP to 
negotiate around various obstacles and did not prevent it from 
beginning penetration once the hamster ball achieved physical 
contact with the target. At this point target panicked and attempted 
to leave the premises and was detained and terminated by 
Foundation agents. SCP-260 flickered as before, but immediately 
targeted Agent _ _, who had first shot the target and changed 
motion accordingly. Agent was removed from the vicinity and the 
hamster ball was destroyed by gunfire. SCP-260 was unharmed. 
Note: Prior to the target's termination the hamster ball containing 
SCP-260 fell over the edge of an embankment during its pursuit. 
Observers noted that the ball fell normally (rather than gripping the 
wall and maintaining its soeed as SCP-260 usually does) and 
retained its momentum at the bottom, causing SCP-260 to follow the 
target at much higher speeds. 


Agent has been relieved of his duties and is currently subject to 
transportation between sites off the coast of Asia and North 
America, in order to keep SCP-260 on a geodesic on the floor of the 
Pacific Ocean that runs through Challenger Deep. 


« SCP-259 | SCP-260 | SCP-261 » 


above venue. The performance’ is described as a 
musical tour of "vibration", and lists persons of various 
vocations, dispositions, and life experiences, such as a 
decorated police officer, a social worker, and a mystic, 
as well as various community and religious leaders 
lauded for their chastity and temperance. The headline 
act was described as a woman raised in a secluded 
natural environment and only allowed to consume 
specially cultivated vegetation and honey. 


Title: [REDACTED] 

Runtime: 06:46 

Description: Recording of performance in nightclub. 
Singer appears to be able to project her voice without the 
use of a microphone. Singer was also observed to 
change tone, inflection, and timbre of voice with 
remarkable ease and fluidity. 


Title: haunting stuff! @ [REDACTED] 

Runtime: 06:21 

Description: Footage of performance in expansive 
domed venue. A view of a city skyline from a high 
altitude is clearly visible outside, which led subjects to 
conclude the concert is taking place in a dirigible-like 
craft. The performer in question is only visible as a 
silhouette behind a shaded screen on stage. An 
elaborate apparatus comprising multiple microphones 
surrounds this screen. Despite the presence of a single 
silhouette, multiple voices singing in harmony are clearly 
audible. One subject claimed to have observed unusual 
movement on the singer's neck and shoulder area but 
could not confirm due to poor image quality. 


Title: [REDACTED] 

Runtime: 02:23 

Description: News broadcast detailing the construction 
of what appears to be a large, black speaker-like 
structure, approximately 1 KM wide located an 
uninhabited expanse of desert. The broadcast is in an 
unknown language. 


Title: MESMERIZING!!! test run [REDACTED] 
Runtime: 04:11 

Description: Footage of what appears to be a large, 
rounded multi-colored glass structure high in the 
atmosphere. The structure is positioned at an altitude 
that allows it to fully cover the sun, which subsequently 
projects a hyper-realistic environment on the flatlands 
below. The projected environment is mandala-like in its 
complexity, and rotates in an hypnotic fashion. Excited 
vocalizations, presumably made by the camera operator, 
are clearly audible. 


Title: Monster show @ — !! DOWNLOAD LINK IN 
DESCRIPTION 

Runtime: 11:45 

Description: Footage of various figures in white clothing 
seated in previously seen gyroscopic devices. The 
constructs are on a raised marble dais in the center of 
the stage. Lights positioned above each apparatus 
appear to signal which device the audience is currently 
hearing. Five other figures in clothing ranging from gray 
to black are on a lower portion below the stage, also 
seated in these apparatuses. Audible music appears to 
be a product of these devices producing various tones 
and chords at different intervals. Figures on stage noted 
to have produced pleasant, harmonic sounds, while 
lower stage persons produced dissonant tones 
occasionally utilized in the main piece. 


+ Interview Transcript 


On [REDACTED], the entities responsible for SCP-2267 
uploaded studio footage of a radio interview with a 
person referred to as "John Steckler", an apparently 
leading figure in what the interviewer describes as 
"pneuma-acoustics". Transcript below. 


Interviewer: And the scientific community, 
there was no trepidation about this at all? 


Steckler: Well, there was definitely some of 


that. One of the, uh, analysts in the, uh, 
beginning, he quit as soon as he found out we 
were going in. He was out of there. But it, it 
was a shock to us, too. The ones who stayed. 
It really was. 


Interviewer: What was it like, being one of the 
first researchers to arrive on site? 


Steckler: [laughs] The story's been told a lot 
better in the movies. It — 


Interviewer: Yes, but — 


Steckler: — it didn't feel as earth-shattering to 
us. | know how, uh, how ridiculous that 
sounds, but a lot of people don't understand 
the kind of pressure we were under. We had to 
do it right. We had to have a kind of tunnel 
vision about the whole thing. Just working on 
what's in front of our noses. But | definitely 
don't remember any of the men kind of, 
shouting and crying and having these, these 
grand epiphanies like you see in all the 
movies. [laughs] We just had to do our jobs. 


Interviewer: Any details you can share with us 
that's never made it into those movies? 


Steckler: Oh, wow. Definitely the, definitely 
the smell of the ship. You can't get that across 
on screen. | know they keep trying. [laughs] It 
smelled like ammonia, and mint. And honey. 
[pause] It wasn't what we expected. 


Interviewer: What do you think happened? 


Steckler: [pause] Well, it's fair to say we don't 
know for sure. | know one of the soldiers on 
the detail, he's always supported one of the 
more definitely outlandish theories out there. 


[laughs] We found the original of what a lot of 
people know as a, uh, as a gyro - but what we 
in the parlance call a pneumatic acousticizer - 
we found a huge one, right in the belly of the 
thing. Right there. There was stuff there we 
still haven't cracked. 


Interviewer: Do you mean to say gyros can do 
more than translate psychological states into 
sound? Are you holding out on us? [laughs] 


Steckler: Well, no. It's just the one we found 
was designed to work on a much larger scale 
than the ones you're used to in, uh, a club or 
hall. Who knows who they were, why their ship 
was broken on arrival, where they disappeared 
to. If it was even supposed to be manned in 
the first place. 


Interviewer: How do you feel about this 
technology in the hands of law enforcement? 
Data has found pneumatic acoustizers being 
95 percent accurate in diagnosing mental 
disorders and predicting convict recidivism. Do 
you think we are using the fruits of this 
technology in the right way? 


Steckler: Maybe there is no right way. Some 
of these club owners, they've taken the more 
fringe stuff we found and given 'em spins | 
wouldn't have imagined in my wildest dreams. 
It really is something. 


Interviewer: Briefly, Dr. Steckler, before we 
wrap up: Do you believe there is a chance we 
might have a repeat of the Touchdown? 


Steckler: That soldier | was telling you about. 
He thought the acousticizer on the ship was 

meant for the whole planet. Something like a 
cosmic lie detector, except accurate. [laughs] 


What do you think would have happened if the 
ship came through intact? And they used it on 
us, the whole planet? It'd be the supreme 
diagnosis. [laughs] [program cue music begins 
to play] Imagine them hooking it up and 
hearing the garbled, dissonant mess we hear 
when we hook up repeat offenders. With 
technology like that, you'd have to be a 
moralist. Or a doctor. [laughs] It's a scary 
thought. | don't want to think about it. 


END TRANSCRIPT 
« SCP-2266 | SCP-2267 | SCP-2268 » 


SCP-2268: Loaf Page 


Item #: SCP-2268 
Object Class: Safe 


Special Containment Procedures: All current and upcoming 
antivirus softwares are to contain a patch redirecting users away 
from SCP-2268 by claiming that the website has been infected with 
a virus. Periodic checks are to be made to ensure that the website 
remains contained. In addition, Foundation webcrawlers are to 
ensure that no additional domains contain the anomalous program. 
Due to safety concerns, all pages and subject matter must be 
approved by a Level 3 researcher before testing with D-class 
personnel. 


Description: SCP-2268 is an anomalous website under the URL 

. The page superficially appears similar to non-anomalous 
search pages. However, instead of conducting an internet search, 
the input bar instead loads pages from any URL. The pages loaded 
will contain no advertisements or other distractions from the primary 
information.1 Once a page has been loaded, an alert window will 
prompt the user to "loaf page" (sic) by inserting a slice of bread into 
the disk drive. Experimentation has revealed that anything the user 
considers to be bread will work for the purposes of insertion, even if 
it would normally damage the bread or disk drive to insert it. 
Anything that is not considered bread will react in a non-anomalous 
manner. Upon insertion of the bread slice, the page will show a 
loading screen with the words "downloafing" (sic) displayed above a 
loading bar in the shape of a baguette. While "downloafing" is taking 
place, the page will be unresponsive to user input. During this 
process, the bread inserted into the disk drive will be toasted. It is 
unknown how the toasting occurs, as unmodified disk drives do not 
reach the temperature necessary to begin the Maillard reaction. 


Bread toasted in this manner appears to be non-anomalous when 
analyzed, or when eaten by anyone except the user. When the user 


eats the toast, they will anomalously acquire all the information on 
the page loaded on the website. Amount of information acquired 
directly corresponds to the amount of bread eaten. This only applies 
to the images and text on the page at the time of the browser 
freezing. Attempting to internalize videos will result in only the still 
image shown at time of freezing being internalized. For a week after 
consumption, the information cannot be erased by any means, 
including the use of amnestics. After this week, information can be 
forgotten with normal memory degradation. 


Attempting to use SCP-2268 on a device without a disk drive will 
result in a 405 error occurring. The only way to circumvent this is by 
using a disk drive attachment, in which case SCP-2268 will perform 
as described above. 


Use of SCP-2268 to study anomalous webpages, including 
SCP-1584, is currently pending review. 


Footnotes 
1. For example, a social media page will have had the 
recommendation sidebar(s) removed. 


« SCP-2267 | SCP-2268 | SCP-2269 » 


SCP-2269: Grandma Spider 


Item #: SCP-2269 
Object Class: Euclid 


Special Containment Procedures: SCP-2269 is housed in a 
humanoid containment suite at Site-17 that has been modified with 
hermetic seals and filters designed to prevent the escape of any 
instances of SCP-2269-2. 


Routine interaction and communication with SCP-2269-1 is to be 
performed using the intercom system whenever possible. Personnel 
entering SCP-2269's suite are to observe BSL-4 protection at all 
times and undergo decontamination when entering or exiting the 
area, and all personnel interacting with SCP-2269-1 are to maintain 
the cover story that its current housing is an advanced medical care 
facility for the elderly.