SCP-3161-1 has been authorized for residence within SCP-3161, in 
fear that SCP-3161-1's removal from this location will result in its 
termination. If SCP-3161-1 attempts to physically injure any member 
of personnel, it is to be dismantled and monitored until self 
reconstruction. 


Description: SCP-3161 refers to a man-made subterranean tunnel 
system discovered beneath the countryside of Shropshire, England, 
consisting of a network of walkways and arches carved out of 
sandstone. Architecture places construction between 100 BC and 50 
AD. At the time of writing, 2600 m2 of SCP-3161 have been 
explored. However, it is soeculated to cover approximately 3000+ 
m2. The sediment making up SCP-3161, as well as that of the 
surrounding area, is impenetrable. There is no significant sign of 
degradation from age or use. 


Guarding the entrance and interior of SCP-3161 is an animate 
human skeleton, adorned in a full set of 15th century English armor, 


and equipped with a broadsword, halberd, and wooden shield. This 
entity has been designated SCP-3161-1. 


Despite complete lack of vital internal organs, SCP-3161-1 is 
capable of speech, movement, and sentience. SCP-3161-1 has also 
demonstrated capability of detachment and reattachment of any 
singular portion of its composition. Removed portions remain 
capable of motion independent of SCP-3161-1. However, 
SCP-3161-1 posses little physical strength and durability. Armor and 
equipment carried by SCP-3161-1 encumbers it, causing the subject 
to move slowly. In moments of aggression, SCP-3161-1 displays 
difficulty in attacking effectively. 


Upon initial discovery, SCP-3161-1 was observed to be hostile 
toward all personnel within SCP-3161, vocalizing threats in what 
was determined to be Middle English. SCP-3161-1 has since 
become docile, as an ongoing process has begun to facilitate 
communication with the entity. 


Addendum 3161.1: The following is an interview conducted several 
weeks after SCP-3161's initial discovery, translated from Middle 
English. This interview was preformed by Doctor John R. Reuel, a 
lead researcher of the Foundation's Linguistic Division. 


Interview Log 3161-001 <open> 
Interviewed: SCP-3161-1 
Interviewer: Dr. Reuel 


Foreword: SCP-3161-1 has given consent to 
a dialogue, but has still refused to leave its 
position. A folding table, two folding chairs, 
several lamps, and a single audio recorder 
have been set-up to facilitate interview. Dr. 
Reuel and SCP-3161-1 are seated. 


<Begin Log> 


Dr. Reuel: Hello, SCP-3161-1, thank you for 
speaking with me. 


protected by a layer of cartilage reminiscent of the trachea. At the 
end of each root is a fully formed upper and lower jaw, complete 
with muscles, lips, and the prehensile tongue first witnessed by 
agents in the field. The tongue seems to be used as a digging 
implement and as a snare for food, ranging from burrowing animals 
to edible fungi and plants. All of these roots ultimately lead to a 
single stomach. This, along with a fully functional, though unusually 
long, intestinal tract, work to absorb ingested nutrients. Solid waste 
is eliminated through a sphincteral orifice on the side of the trunk. 
No roots are found in the area immediately beneath this spot. 


The branches, as initial observations suggested, are human arms. 
They extrude themselves from the bony trunk but have no bark 
themselves. Some will split at the elbow so that they may have two 
or even three forearms. The palms of its hands all face upward and 
the tip of each finger has a human eye growing from it. The iris of 
each eye is hazel. Dissection of the eyes shows that they are all 
myopic, though they do react to light stimuli as a normal eye would. 
Though the chemical process is not yet understood, the retinas carry 
on a form of photosynthesis which transforms carbon dioxide and 
water into oxygen and glucose. It is generally agreed that the eyes 
are myopic in order to prevent excessive damage to the retina from 
direct sunlight. Chemical analysis of the lungs shows that there is a 
higher oxygen content when SCP-401 exhales than when it inhales. 


During spring, SCP-401 will go into bloom. Though it is genetically a 
human male, it will grow female sexual organs. The vaginal 
openings are located on the palms of its hands, with canals 
extending 18 cm along each wrist to a bulge which contains a fully 
formed uterus and ovaries. Five days after the formation of the 
organs, menstruation occurs, at which point male sexual organs 
begin to develop in their place over a period of ten days. Once fully 
formed, they will remain for one day before they are shed and eaten 
by the roots. During this phase, SCP-401 will attack human females 
for the purpose of reproduction. 


Experiment Log 401-1: 

The fact that SCP-401 is genetically human, combined with the 
violence exhibited against women during its male phase, suggests 
that it may be compatible with human beings. A number of breeding 


SCP-3161-1: The joy is mine! It does my heart 
good, more than you can imagine, to finally be 
able to speak with someone! However, this 
title you have bestowed upon me - | don't 
understand it. It is unnerving. 


Dr.Reuel: Well, what would you prefer | - 


SCP-3161-1: | am Sir Gregor Tudor the Holy, 
Loyal Servant of the King, Champion of 
Bosworth, Finder of Fortunes and the Last 
Sentinel of God's true place. 


Dr. Reuel: Will Sir Gregor do? 


SCP-3161-1: Yes, that is acceptable. How 
may | refer to you? You all appear to be 
learned individuals; surely you must hold titles 
of your own, and | would not wish to show 
disrespect. 


Dr. Reuel: Doctor will be fine for now. I'll try to 
be blunt with you so as not to confuse you any 
further. 


SCP-3161-1: Good; | prefer it that way, doctor! 
Very long | have been waiting in this place. Let 
us be true and honest with one another. 


Dr. Reuel: Sir Gregor, how is it that you can 
move and speak even after death? 


SCP-3161-1: /aughs Dead, am |, doctor? Do | 
not speak to you? Can you not see me here, 
standing in my post? Could a dead man 
accomplish such a task? 


Dr. Reuel: ...Are you aware that, in your 
current physical state, you are a skeleton 
inside of armor? 


SCP-3161-1: You are correct, my body, it has 


wasted away. My soul, however, remains 
alive! 


Dr. Reuel: | reiterate, then: How is that? 


SCP-3161-1: A vow | took to my king. He put 
on me a blessing from the Almighty, that | 
might remain in this place, and be its protector. 
Deep in its tunnels can be found the power 
which gave unto us the strength for victory! 


Dr. Reuel: | see. So if | understand correctly, 
Sir Gregor, you found something in these 
caverns- 


SCP-3161-1: A gift from our Lord himself! 
Chosen! We were chosen to receive it! 


Dr. Reuel: -yes, and this gift is what keeps you 
alive? 


SCP-3161-1: | know, and | alone know where 
it lies. A secret that shall be kept until my true 
death, when he who is worthy arrives to relieve 
me of my post. | shall lead him there, to our 
gift, and then | shall perish, knowing | have 
kept my vow. 


Dr. Reuel: Alright. So, this worthy person, how 
will you know when he arrives? 


SCP-3161-1: Aha; this is why | am so excited 
to be able to speak clearly with you, doctor! A 
riddle | hold. All who hear it must answer. If 
you are correct, | shall give you my secrets. If 
you are wrong, | give you only the edge of my 
blade. 


SCP-3161-1 stands up and slowly unsheathes 
its broadsword. 


Dr. Reuel: A riddle? | don't- 


SCP-3161-1: Shouting Prepare all your wits. 
Your time in the eyes of the Holy Father 
himself has come. Prove yourself worthy, and 
life eternal shall be yours as well! Do you, my 
friend, accept the challenge? 


Dr. Reuel: motions for guards not to interrupt | 
accept. Why not. 


SCP-3161-1: Then hear me, and decide your 
fate! A fox prowls the forest, in search of prey. 
He spots a rabbit and gives chase... 


Pause 


SCP-3161-1: Or was it a wolf? Yes, | had it 
wrong. A wolf prowls the forest, in search of 
prey. He spots a rabbit....No that’s not right. 
He smells the rabbit...or was it the fox? 


Dr. Reuel: Is something wrong Sir Gregor? 


SCP-3161-1: My apologies, doctor. You are 
the first in very long to attempt the challenge. | 
simply needed a moment to remember back all 
those years past. Now; a fox prowls through 
the forest, in search of prey. He smells a rabbit 
and gives chase. And... and... 


Pause 


SCP-3161-1: He gives chase to the rabbit...| 
know it ends at a tree. He chases the rabbit to 
a tree...no, it was a river first. Or was the river 
last? 


Dr. Reuel: Sir Gregor, you appear to be 
having difficulty with this riddle. 


SCP-3161-1: Yes...well...shouting It has been 
many lifetimes since | was given this riddle! A 
time when | was still of flesh and blood! Here 
have | waited for someone, anyone, to arrive! 
Someone to relieve me of my duty or for me to 
put to the sword in glorious combat! But did 
they arrive? No! No one did! Not until you. Not 
heroic knights but strange alchemists that 
speak some strange bastard English | cannot 
even understand! Now please, doctor, just give 
me a moment! I’m sure the memories will 
return to me! 


Dr. Reuel remains silent 


SCP-3161: Now, where was I...ah yes, the 
river....or was it a lake? 


<End Log> 


Closing Statement: Behavior of SCP-3161-1 
was observed to become increasingly 
aggressive towards staff following this 
interview, reciting several versions of the prior 
riddle before attacking. Despite this, no 
member of personnel has been seriously 
injured or obstructed by SCP-3161-1. As of 
yet, no other anomalous object or entity has 
been discovered within SCP-3161. 


SCP-3162: Social Life 


Item #: SCP-3162 
Object Class: Safe 


Special Containment Procedures: SCP-3162-A is to be housed in 
a secure Site 19 storage locker. When not in use, SCP-3162-A is to 
remain unplugged and disconnected from all peripherals. 
SCP-3162-A may be powered on and connected to a mouse and 
keyboard only for testing by Class-D personnel or researchers with 
appropriate clearance. 


Records of past SCP-3162 entries are to be archived for further 
study and testing. Under no circumstances are Foundation 
personnel to use information gleaned from archival SCP-3162 
entries to guide or influence their interpersonal relationships. 


Description: SCP-3162 is a non-sapient, digital entity housed within 
SCP-3162-A, a Lenovo M910 desktop computer. Prior to its transfer 
to Containment, SCP-3162-A was in use in room S19-422, the office 
of senior researcher Isaac M__. SCP-3162-A operates as a normal 
workstation in all respects save for the anomalous effect of 
SCP-3162. 


SCP-3162 is a class-1B cognitohazard, capable of temporarily 
altering the behavior of humans with whom it is in direct contact. 
While operating SCP-3162-A, users believe that they are an entity 
designated as SCP-3162. Those exposed to SCP-3162 feel 
compelled to write an SCP entry for their own containment, 
complete with an accurate summary of their own Foundation 
security protocols, a heavily abridged autobiography focusing on 
past and present interpersonal relations, and personal commentary. 
To date, five such documents are known to exist. 


No deleterious long-term psychological or physiological effects have 
been observed in users exposed to SCP-3162. However, there exist 


anecdotal reports of post-exposure interpersonal conflict between 
users of SCP-3162-A. A correlation has been noted between past 
exposure to SCP-3162 and interventional mediation sessions with 
HR. 


+ SCP-3162 ARCHIVE [obsolete] 10/22/20 
Item #: SCP-3162 
Object Class: Safe 


Special Containment Procedures: SCP-3162 is to be 
allowed level employee restricted access to Site 19, 
Site 1 , and Site 2 , as well as level restricted access to 
Site 41. SCP-3162 is subject to standard Foundation 
personnel observation protocols and annual performance 
reviews. 


Description: SCP-3162 is an adult human male, born in 
the year 19 . It refers to itself by the names "IsaacM_" 
and"DoctorM __ ," and on rare occasions by "Izzie," 
usually in informal contexts. SCP-3162 was acquired by 
the Foundation in 198 , when it was scouted by Talent 
Acquisition personnel in a sweep of Sandia National 
Laboratory and offered a position within the Foundation. 


SCP-3162 was married in the year 198 to a human 
female named "IsabellaD —_," who changed her name 
upon marriage to "IsabellaM  ." SCP-3162 and 
IsabellaM have remained married for years, and by 
mutual agreement they have decided to forgo having 
children. SCP-3162 had a brief affair with Foundation 
junior researcher Michelle Nin the year 20 , an 
indiscretion that has been kept as a closely guarded 
secret. While SCP-3162 still harbors a romantic 
emotional attachment to junior researcher Michelle N_, 
SCP-3162 prioritizes the stability of its marriage to 
IsabellaM over a potential partnership with junior 
researcher Michelle N 


At the time of this writing, SCP-3162 is directly 


responsible for the supervision, containment, and testing 
of SCPs, including SCP- ,SCP- ,andSCP- .In 
the course of a routine review of SCPs under its 
responsibility, SCP-3162 discovered that its own entry 
was missing entirely from the SCP database, an 
omission which is currently being corrected. SCP-3162 
speculates that in the process of upgrading the computer 
terminal in its office, room 422, its entry was 
inadvertently deleted. 


+ SCP-3162 ARCHIVE [obsolete] 10/29/20 
Item #: SCP-3162 
Object Class: Safe 


Special Containment Procedures: SCP-3162 is 
granted access to Sites 19 and 1 . SCP-3162 is not 
subject to extraordinary monitoring or containment, save 
for level- security clearance and annual performance 
reviews. 


Description: SCP-3162 is an adult human female, 
approximately twenty- _ years of age at the time of this 
writing. SCP-3162 insists upon specific appellations 
appropriate to given social contexts, including, but not 
limited to, "Michelle N _ ," "junior researcher Michelle 

N ,"and"DoctorN_ .£" SCP-3162 is not to be referred 
to as “Mickie.” SCP-3162 was acquired by the 
Foundation in 20 , when it was noted as a potentially 
valuable employee following the completion of its PhD 
thesis at University. 


SCP-3162 enjoys outdoor recreation, predominantly 
hiking and rock climbing. The surrounding environment 
of Site 1 provides ample opportunity for it to pursue its 
hobbies. SCP-3162 is currently in a romantic relationship 
with fellow junior researcher Austin C __, and is hopeful 
that their current status will, in time, transition into a long- 
term companionship. SCP-3162 has had four (4) 
unsuccessful romantic partnerships within the past three 


(3) years. However, its current relationship with junior 
researcher Austin C __ is thus far stable and mutually 
beneficial. SCP-3162 believes that within the next one 
(1) year, junior researcher AustinC —= may be receptive 
to the idea of cohabitation and, within the following four 
(4) years, that he would be willing to discuss marriage. 


SCP-3162 was testing the recently-upgraded computer 
terminal in the office of its supervisor, senior researcher 
Isaac M __, when it discovered an extremely inaccurate 
description and inadequate containment protocols for 
itself. This prior entry for SCP-3162 appeared to be a 
factually accurate biography of senior researcher Isaac 
M __ ,asconfirmed by a study of public records, 
personal correspondence, and a qualitative analysis of 
senior researcher Isaac M__’s demeanor in the 
presence of SCP-3162. 


SCP-3162 had been under the impression that its brief 
romantic affair with senior researcher Isaac MM ___ was of 
no emotional significance to senior researcher Isaac