Description: SCP-3868 refers to an annually recurring event that 
occurs on the 17th of January and has occured every year since the 
official codification of the Constitution of New Zealand in 2009. 
During an SCP-3868 event, all extant physical and digital copies of 
the Constitution of New Zealand are replaced with modified 
versions, designated SCP-3868-A; in addition to this, one currently- 
serving political officer of the New Zealand Parliament will be 
replaced by a non-anomalous human designated SCP-3868-B. 


SCP-3868-A's text varies from that of the non-anomalous 
Constitution of New Zealand by the addition of a singular section; 
this section allows the Foundation to take emergency control of the 
New Zealand army in the event of certain circumstances designated 
"Contingency 73-Waitangi". Only partial information about 73- 
Waitangi is available, in the form of excerpts of the specification 
quoted in SCP-3868-A: examples of circumstances falling under 73- 
Waitangi include 


¢ The re-election of deceased Prime Minister Richard Seddon 

¢ The successful, legally-endorsed secession of Victoria and 
Tasmania from Australia 

¢ The official declaration of war between Montenegro and New 
Zealand 


While excerpts of the specification for 73-Waitangi match the official 
format of other Foundation contingencies, no such contingency 
exists at the time of writing. Whatever anomaly 73-Waitangi is 
associated with or designed to protect against is unknown to the 
Foundation at present: the only source of information available to 
the Foundation regarding 73-Waitangi is the SCP-3868-B instances 
themselves. 


SCP-3868-B instances universally claim to be staff of the 
Department of Temporal Anomalies, assigned to ensure that the 
Constitution of New Zealand is altered so as to avert a K-Class 
Scenario caused by lack of preparation against 73-Waitangi. Their 
claim to be Foundation employees is corroborated by their 
possession of employee ID numbers that are valid, although they 
correspond to no known members of personnel currently on 
RAISA's employee roster. 


Due to their purported inability to carry physical objects with them 
during the replacement caused by SCP-3868, specifics about the 
anomaly's location, mechanism of effect and containment 
procedures not pertaining to 73-Waitangi are highly limited. Several 
key points about the 73-Waitangi anomaly agreed upon by all 
SCP-3868-B instances to date include the following pieces of 
information: 


« The anomaly in question is "royally bound" (through geas or 


another unknown anomalous method) by the Governor- 

General to the text of the Constitution of New Zealand. 

Investigation of current and past Governor-Generals has 

shown no concrete signs of anomalous involvement. 

First signs of the K-Class Scenario include the use of an 

obscure constitutional loophole to deploy the New Zealand 

Army, necessitating the powers granted by SCP-3868-A 

iterations. 

« The New Zealand national rugby team is correlated in some 
way to the anomaly. As of the time of writing only one player 
in the New Zealand national rugby team has demonstrated 
concrete evidence of anomalous properties: he was 
neutralised in 2003 by Global Occult Coalition forces 
masquerading as Australian rugby players. 


Currently, the Department of Temporal Anomalies is conducting 
research using anomalies such as SCP-711 to try and ascertain 
further information on the K-Class scenario and anomalies involved 
with 73-Waitangi, with additional assistance provided by the 
Department of Theological Affairs' contacts in Gol-O55Y ("Australian 
Church of Australia"). Attempts to negotiate Global Occult Coalition 
support in the event of an NZK-Class (SCP-3868-Caused) Scenario 
are ongoing. 


SCP-3869: High Quality Ripoff 


Item #: SCP-3869 
Object Class: Euclid 


Special Containment Procedures: Mirrors of the websites 
YouTube and Bandcamp are to be hosted on an isolated server 
farm located on Site-15. Foundation agents implanted in internet 
service providers around North America are to monitor web activity 
from the 203.0. . family of IP addresses. When the public 
instances of the aforementioned sites are requested by these 
addresses, they are to be redirected to the foundation-hosted 
mirrors. 


Description: SCP-3869 is an anomalous YouTube channel by the 
username "Mr. High Quality." The videos on the channel feature still 
images of video game logos, as well as music playing in the 
background (hereafter SCP-3869-1) which functions as a low-grade 
cognitohazard. Instances of SCP-3869-1 often vary greatly from the 
music that the upload titles and descriptions claim them to be, and 
are at times wholly unrelated to the original piece. 


SCP-3869's anomalous properties manifest when an instance of 
SCP-3869-1 is opened and allowed to play, at the minimum, to the 
point where the instance diverges from the original track. If an 
affected subject engages with the video game from which the 
SCP-3869-1 instance is claimed to originate, the audio from 
SCP-3869-1 will replace the original track within the game through 
anomalous means. At this point, secondary anomalies will manifest, 
often relevant in nature to the edits featured in the anomalous video. 
Though the primary anomaly can be observed regardless of prior 
exposure to SCP-3869-1, the replaced music in the context of the 
game does not act as its own instance of SCP-3869-1. 


Addendum 3869-1: On 05/22/17, the "channel description" area of 
SCP-3869's profile, which was previously blank, updated to contain 


the following text. 


Holy hell! You've just found yourself your very own Mr. 
High Quality by The Gamers Against Weed! Please 
read the channel description. Who is Dr. 
Wondertainment? 


Find them all and become Mr. Gamer! 


01. Mr. Literal Serial Killer 

02. Mr. Normie 

03. Mr. Bernie Sanders 

04. Mr. Get Anything For Free In Any Shop 
05. Mr. High Quality ¥ 

20. Mr. Sex Number 

21. Mr. Heavenly Virtues 

22. Mr. Deadly Sins 

23. Mr. Original Character 

24. Mr. D.A.R.E. 

25. Mr. Gentrification 

26. Ms. Mad About Video Games 

27. Mr. Meme 

28. Mr. Ominous (discontinued) 

29. Mr. Destiny 

30. Mr. Monty Python And The Holy Grail 
31. Ms. Zapatista 

32. Mr. Hax 

33. Mr. Just Has The Tattoo 
34. Mr. Top Text and Mr. Bottom Text 
35. Mr. Finale 


Addendum 3869-2: Unless otherwise indicated, testing was carried 
out featuring an unmodified version of the game in question, on an 
unmodified version of the relevant platform. For each test, one D- 
class was exposed to SCP-3869-1 before testing, and one was used 
as acontrol group. 


+ Show notable test logs 


Test 1 


SCP-3869-1 instance title: Overworld - Super 
Mario Bros. 

Differences from original track: Vocal track 
added, identified as "Drop It Like It's Hot" by 
Snoop Dogg, edited to match the tempo of the 
background track. 

Test results: Subject became easily agitated 
by discussion related to the use of narcotics, 
but personality remained otherwise 
unchanged. 

Miscellaneous notes: N/A 


Test 2 


SCP-3869-1 instance title: Snake Eater - 
Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater 
Differences from original track: Vocals 
recreated with poorly-modulated text-to- 
speech software. 

Test results: Subject's voice replaced with 
one bearing striking resemblance to poorly- 
modulated text-to-speech software. 
Miscellaneous notes: N/A 


Test 3: 


SCP-3869-1 instance title: Let's Go Shopping 
(Beta Version) - PAYDAY 2 

Differences from original track: All tones 
produced by the lead synth normalized to the 
note of C3. 

Test results: Inconclusive. 

Miscellaneous notes: Testing concluded that 
the different "versions" of a song are indicative 
of a non-standard context. Beta version of 
PAYDAY 2 could not be secured for further 
testing with this instance. 


Test 4 


SCP-3869-1 instance title: Last Surprise 


SCP-505: Ink Stain 


Item #: SCP-505 
Object Class: Keter 


Special Containment Procedures: SCP-505 is contained in a 50 m 
x 40 mx 10 m room at Site- . SCP-505's containment area is to be 
sealed other than one secure airlock and a series of pipes allowing 
transport of SCP-505-1 to storage tanks in the event of SCP-505-1 
reaching levels in which it poses a danger to containment. Sprayers 
for 4 M NaOH are to be available through SCP-505's containment 
area and the rest of Site- to combat a containment breach. In the 
event of a spill of SCP-505-1, the affected area should immediately 
be covered with an absorbent material (commercial blotting paper is 
currently standard for this purpose) and doused with alcohol or 
acetone if NaOH is not immediately available. NaOH immersion is 
the method of choice for SCP-505-1 containment, followed by 
incineration of affected material if practicable. 


There are currently instances of SCP-505-1 points of secondary 
contamination outside SCP-505's primary containment area. 
Containment in these areas is variable but efforts have been made 
to make procedures as similar to those of the primary site if 
possible. Of these secondary contamination zones, are unable to 
be fully contained at this time resulting in the spread of SCP-505-1 
throughout the environment. These sites are to be monitored at all 
times and countermeasure development is of the highest priority. 
For a complete list of SCP-505-1 secondary containment sites, see 
Document 505-14A- 


Description: SCP-505 is a Model _—-Faber-Castell fountain pen, 
produced in 2001. For documentation of its acquisition by the 
Foundation, see Addendum 505-2. It is identical in all respects to a 
standard fountain pen apart from its association with SCP-505-1. 
SCP-505-1 is the black ink produced by SCP-505, which exhibits the 
property of self-replication. SCP-505-1 spreads at a variable rate, 


(OST Version) - Persona 5 

Differences from original track: Continues 
normally until the first line of the chorus, during 
which the vocals cut out mid-sentence, and the 
image in the video cuts to a blank screen. 
Test results: Subject reported vision rapidly 
degrading at the point of divergence from the 
original song, resulting in total loss of eyesight. 
Blindness persisted after playback was 
stopped. 

Miscellaneous notes: Anomalous effects did 
not activate while playing the game in 
question, and instead manifested while playing 
an album featuring the game's original 
soundtrack. This confirms the hypothesis 
posited after Test 3. 


Test 13 


SCP-3869-1 instance title: BFG Division - 
DOOM 

Differences from original track: Japanese 
vocal track added, belonging to a separate, 
unidentified song, which does not match the 
instrumental in key, tempo, or time signature. 
Test results: Subject reported a steady, 
continuous increase in ambient temperature 
despite the control subject reporting no such 
alteration. Subject lost consciousness, 
displaying symptoms analogous to frostbite. 
The onset of hypothermic symptoms was able 
to be slowed, but not reversible through 
conventional means until after the duration of 
the song had elapsed. Subject likely would not 
have recovered normally without direct 
intervention. 

Miscellaneous notes: Control subject played 
game while exposed subject watched. Control 
subject experienced no adverse effects. 
Replacement phenomenon found not to act on 


its own as an instance of SCP-3869-1. 
Test 20 


SCP-3869-1 instance title: Slow Ride - Guitar 
Hero III: Legends of Rock 

Differences from original track: Track 
gradually slows down to a minimum of 25% of 
original speed. 

Test results: Subject reaction speed 
increased at a rate consistent with song's 
reduction in tempo. Testing stopped before the 
song could play to completion, but effects 
continued even after the console was 
unplugged. Subject expressed anxious 
behavior before attempting to escape. Subject 
moved at superhuman speeds, and avoided 
small arms fire from security team, but 
ultimately collapsed from a grand mal seizure. 
Subject's heart rate rapidly increased until 
chest cavity exploded after minutes of 
unconsciousness. 

Miscellaneous notes: Testing put on 
temporary standby. 


Addendum 3869-3: On 5/30/2017, the Foundation took notice of a 
video on SCP-3869 determined not to be cognitohazardous in 
nature. Instead, it directed the viewer to a page on Bandcamp, 
which featured an album of self-proclaimed "Greatest Hits" from the 
channel available for free download. The Foundation secured the 
album in .zip form before taking the page down. Containment 
protocols updated to include a locally-hosted mirror of Bandcamp in 
addition to the existing YouTube facsimile. 


The tracks on the album also function as effective instances of 
SCP-3869-1, with the difference that the tracks, rather than being 
attributed to the source game's composer, are attributed to various 
miscellaneous usernames, likely the users who contributed the song 
edits; this would mean that SCP-3869 is not the work of an 
individual, but rather a collaborative project. Further analysis 
indicates that the authors credited on the album do not match any 


known users found in any Gamers Against Weed chat logs in the 
Foundation's possession. 


Along with the listed tracks on the album, an additional password- 
protected archive labeled "heyjude.zip" (detailed in Document 
SCP-3869-A) was included inside the album's own archive. 


Addendum 3869-4: The following is an excerpt from existing chat 
logs stored on the Foundation database, found to pertain to 
SCP-3869, from a private chat room hosted by Gol-#5869 "Gamers 
Against Weed." 


+ Show chat log 


May 23, 2017 

bluntfiend: Okay, let's put this one to rest 
once and for all. 

bluntfiend: Gun to your head, which would 
you rather have on a pizza instead of real 
cheese: Velveeta, Easy Cheese, Cheez Whiz, 
or Kraft Singles? 

FBI_ Official: I'd take the bullet 
lesbian_gengar: jude, what the fuck. 

User tacticalCannabinoid has joined the 
channel. 

bluntfiend: I'm just asking the hard questions. 
tacticalCannabinoid: hey any of our resident 
coghaz experts online 

tacticalCannabinoid: i have some Big 
Questions 

lesbian_gengar: present. 

bones: How about we put a hold on the pizza 
discussion for now? Sounds like TC's got 
something important to ask about. 
lesbian_gengar: what kind of Big Questions 
are we talking? 

tacticalCannabinoid: which one of yall came 
up with the half-baked siivagunner ripoff 
tacticalCannabinoid: because there are... 
tacticalCannabinoid: so many things wrong 
with this i dont know where to start 


FBI_Official: Um 

lesbian_gengar: what. 

tacticalCannabinoid: no dont "what" me you 
know exactly whats going on 

bones: Sorry, but we really don't. 
lesbian_gengar: i wasn't playing coy, tc. 
lesbian_gengar: i mean "what" as in "what 
are you talking about?" 

tacticalCannabinoid: mr. high quality 
bluntfiend: This is the first I've heard of a "Mr. 
High Quality.” 

bluntfiend: And as far as | can tell, we aren't 
starting a new series of Misters when we really 
haven't even finished the first yet. 

bones: Not seeing anything like that in a quick 
search of the older logs. 
tacticalCannabinoid: https: // 

youtube .com/channel/ 

FBI_Official: You'd think someone would've 
mentioned it here or at /east said something 
cryptic 

FBI_ Official: Lemme see 

lesbian_gengar: this is some downright 
amateurish shit here, really. 

lesbian_gengar: they didn't even get the 
"misters against weed" format right. 
lesbian_gengar: the gamers against weed? 
lesbian_gengar: ouch. 

FBI_Official: Someone tell this dunkass how 
to count from 4 to 20 

tacticalCannabinoid: ok we can pick their 
style apart all day long but our names are on 
shit that we dont want our names on 

FBI Official: Well, judging that some of the 
uploads have already been taken down via 
copyright strikes from "Smith Copyright 
Protection"