MEKHANE and Yaldabaoth mated before tearing each other apart; 
and | am still a toaster. 


Once in the Great Abyss there was a place of joy, where 
gods gathered and— No, you know what DEER, this is 
just stupid, | don't even care if those two actually got a 
room. I'm outta here. 

-Pangloss 


Party Of The Year 


“| don't see why you even like her,” said Lila. She took another drag 
and passed the joint to Minh. “She's a bitch.” 


Minh sighed and began smoking. “She is not. | don't know why you 
hate her so much.” 


“She's so fucking smug. Like she's the queen of the entire campus. 
Like, just ‘cause she's rich we're all beneath her or something.” 
Behind them, the party rumbled on. The two had separated 
themselves from it 30 minutes ago. Easier to have an actual 
conversation. 


“How much time have you spent talking to her? She is nice. Just 
because she's rich doesn't mean she is not nice.” 


“It means she's never had to work a day in her life. Not like we've 
had to work. She just fucking coasts.” She plucked the joint from 
Minh's fingerprints and took another puff, leaning back to stare at 
the stars. 


“That's not true.” 
Lila stared at him for a moment, then laughed. “You're such sheep.” 
“Me?” 


“All of you guys. Men, man. You see something you want to fuck, 
and it doesn't matter how horrible they are, you start rutting.” She 


giggled. 
“I'm not rutting,” said Minh. 


“You're totally rutting. Like a sheep. Baaaaaaah.” She doubled over 
laughing. 


“You're terrible,” said Minh, scowling. “This is why | need to be high 


to talk to you about this kind of thing.” 


Lila wiped tears from her eyes. “Nah, that's because you've got the 
emotional maturity of a wastebasket. Opening up is good for you.” 
She pushed herself to her feet. “And if you've gotta be wasted for 
that, I'm gonna try to snag some beer. Don't killed without me, 
loser.” 


She walked into the house, leaving Minh to finish off the remains of 
the joint. He stared at the lawn as he smoked. It was a nice lawn. 
Manicured to perfection, green as any advertisement, with a solitary 
tree rising up from the center. The tree was perfect too, with strong 
branches and full leaves. It was a kind of lawn he'd never had. He'd 
always had to be content with dead grass and dirt. 


Should they just leave? There wasn't much point in staying. He'd 
only come because he'd thought Isabel would be here, but hadn't 
seen her so far. He sighed. It would have been better to stay at 
home, or go to the docks with Lila, and not have to deal with all this 
freaking noise. Well, this way there was free weed and beer, so it 
wasn't a total waste. 


He frowned. Did something in the yard just move? It looked like 
something was crawling around the base of the tree. Did the 
Weston's have a dog? He hadn't seen anything in the house or 
porch that made it seem like they did. Maybe it was a squirrel. 
Whatever it was, it was avoiding the light. It slunk through the 
shadows, just outside of the porch bulb's glare. It seemed a bit 
bigger than a cat, and moved like it was pulling itself through a thick 
sludge. Sometimes it would stop and shudder, like it was trying to 
shake something off its back. 


«Hey there,» said Minh. He knelt and crept forward. Whatever it was 
paused. «Hey, I'm not going to hurt you. You wanna come here?» 


It shook, and a shriek tore through the air. Something flashed 
towards him, and the world went black. 


Samuel lifted the cup to his lips and grimaced. Shitty beer. They 
always had shitty beer at parties like this. But he was strapped for 


cash, and if tolerating shitty beer at shitty parties with shitty people 
was what it took to get drunk these days, so be it. He wouldn't care 
about flavor after a few more. So he drunk it in one gulp, trying not 
to taste it, and went for a refill. 


As he was about to drink, something bumped into his shoulder. The 
plastic cup fell from his hand and clattered to the ground, splattering 
his pants and shoes with warm beer. He spun around and saw a 
short woman looking embarrassed. 


“Fuck, I'm sorry man,” she said. “I'll try to find some towels.” 


Samuel shook his head. “Don't bother, it's fine.” He slid off his shoes 
and socks. “I was planning to do the laundry tonight, anyway.” 


She stared at the legs of his booze-soaked jeans. “You sure? | 
mean, that can't be comfortable.” 


He shrugged. “I've had worse. It doesn't bother me.” 


“Um, alright,” she said, reaching for a cup on the counter. “Well, can 
| at least get you a refill?” 


“That'd be fine,” he said, smiling. She filled the cup and passed it to 
him. 


“You a student or what? You look a little old for it, if you don't mind 
me saying.” She didn't look older than 20, with dark skin, short, curly 
brown hair, and bloodshot eyes that darted around the room as she 
spoke. 


“I'm a freshman. | just started a little late.” He stuck out his hand. 
“The name's Samuel.” 


She shook it and laughed, then grabbed two cups from the counter. 
“Lila. Short for Lilac, but nobody calls me that except douchebags. 
Nice to meet you, man.” As she spoke, she began filling the cups. 
“Listen, if you don't have anything else going on, and friend and | are 
hanging out back. Wanna join us?” 


Samuel thought for a moment, then nodded. “Alright.” He drained his 
cup and refilled it. “Lead the way.” 


They threaded through the house. Pushing past the drunk students 
was like crawling through mud, but finally they made it to the door. 
At one point, someone in a black hoodie slammed into him and tried 
to grab his arm, mumbling something. Samuel wrenched away and 
darted past him. 


He got to the porch and found Lila already there, looking around. 
“Where's your friend?” he asked. 


“He was here when | left. Fuck, | hope he didn't wander off too far.” 
She stepped out onto the lawn. “Minh! Minh, where the hell are 
you?” 


No response. She walked towards the tree in the center of the lawn. 
Samuel followed, scanning the grass. He looked up when he heard 
Lila scream. 


“What the fuck!” she said as he rushed over. She was kneeling, 
staring at the base of the tree. It was smeared with blood. Mixed in 
chunks of trembling black goo. As Samuel watched, they slid 
through the blood, towards the center of the stain. 


Lila looked pale. “Minh!” she called, standing and spinning to look at 
the yard. “Minh, can you hear me?” 


A scream came from inside the house. 


Isabel figured she must have been the only person in the school 
who didn't drink. It seemed like the entire campus had come out for 
the party, and they were all hammered. She'd wanted to just go see 
a movie, but Rachel and James insisted that they come here. “The 
party of the year,” they'd described it as. 


She sighed. This whole thing was stupid. They'd only just arrived, 
and already Rachel and James had been sucked into the crowd 
while she stood on the outskirts, sipping a Coke. A man in a red t- 
shirt and cargo shorts approached her, sporting what was supposed 
to be a grin. “Hey,” he said. “Wanna dance?” 


“No,” she said, and started to walk away. He followed her. 


“Come on, this is the best song. Just one dance.” 

“I'm not interested,” she said. “Leave me alone.” 

“It'll be fun!” 

“Fuck off,” she said, and poured her coke on his head. 
Gaping at her, he snarled “fine, fuck you,” and stormed off. 


It was the first of what she knew would be many such encounters. 
She didn't know what Rachel thought was so great about this kind of 
thing. There were a lot of things she thought were fun, but getting 
drunk, vomiting, and hit on by creeps wasn't on the list. 


She wandered towards the fridge, hoping they might have 
something to drink besides beer. As she approached she saw 
something odd. Someone in the kitchen was kneeling on the floor. It 
looked like he was vomiting, but nothing was coming out, and there 
was nothing around him. The veins in his neck were bulging. As she 
got closer, he began to convulse. Thick, black liquid dripped from his 
mouth. He tried to catch it and shove it back in, but more kept 
pouring out, covering the floor, making a puddle that oozed out. A 
friend grabbed his shoulder and said something, but he didn't 
respond. 


The liquid covering the ground twitched and tremble, and Isabel 
fought back the urge to vomit. What the hell was going on? A bad 
drug reaction? A bigger crowd was beginning to form around the 
man. More people tried to talk to him, but he didn't react, just kept 
miming coughs and trying to grab the liquid. He fell forward, planting 
his hands in the puddle and beginning to smear it across the floor. 
Isabel wanted to look away, but she couldn't. 


People were beginning to yell now. The man's skin was becoming a 
mottled grey. His eyes rolled into the back of his head, and he 
looked up, gurgling as the liquid poured out of his mouth. It looked 
like he was trying to speak, but the emesis blocked the words. 
Someone grabbed him from behind and pulled him, turning his head 
to the side. The fluid kept dribbling out. 


Someone yelled. The puddle on the floor was moving. It was beating 
in time, like a heart. Isabel gasped and covered her mouth. The 
liquid pulsed higher and higher with each beat. People were backing 
away, scrambling to get as far from it as possible. The one holding 
up the vomiting man tried to drag him back, but couldn't. 


From behind her came a scream, accompanied by a wet smacking 
noise. She turned to look and immediately regretted it. In the center 
of the living room a large, person-shaped blob was pulling itself 
across the ground. It left a trail of gray slime behind it that squirmed 
outwards. More people were screaming now. They scrambled to try 
to get away. As one man ran by, the creature reached up and 
wrapped an arm around his leg. He fell, and the creature enveloped 
him. For a few seconds, you could still see his silhouette struggling 
to escape, before it stilled. The creature continued forward. 


Finally the vomit came. Isabel doubled over and wretched. This 
couldn't be real. She was asleep, and this was a nightmare. She'd 
been drugged somehow. The creep from before had slipped 
something into her drink and she hadn't realized it. It would be over 
in a second. She would close her eyes, and when she opened them 
everything would be normal. 


Someone slammed into her from behind. She sprawled to the floor, 
and was kicked in the leg. More people rushed by her. There was 
barely time to duck out the way before a foot landed where her head 
had just been. The party had devolved into chaos. The man in the 
kitchen was lying on the floor in a pool of black liquid, not moving 
except for his mouth and tongue, which lapped at the puddle. The 
creature in the living room had snared three more people, and was 
drawing them into its bulk. More people lay on the floor, black liquid 
pouring from their mouths. 


She pushed herself to her feet. This wasn't right. It was a 
hallucination, a dream. It couldn't exist. She felt the urge to vomit 
pushing itself back up, but forced it down. Escape. That's what she 
had to do. She had to find a way out of here. 


The creature swung its head towards her. She froze. Could it see 
her? No, that was impossible. It didn't have eyes, it didn't have ears, 
it didn't have any way to tell where she was. But it was still moving 


killed with only minor paper cuts to Dr. P 


Name: Dr. Dextrainia 

Date: 11/ /17 

Total Items: one (1) Remington 870 shotgun (no bullets 
chambered), fifteen (15) 9mm bullets, and one (1) 
Beretta M9 handgun. 


Input: One (1) Remington 870 shotgun 

Setting: Fine 

Output: One (1) Mossberg pump shotgun. When fired, 
acted normal for a mossberg and was discarded to the 
armory locker after testing and no other anomalies were 
found to be present. 


Input: Fifteen (15) nine (9) millimeter bullets 

Setting: Very Fine 

Output: Nine (9) millimeter bullets that when fired from a 
Beretta M9 handgun home to the nearest signs of life. In 
the event of testing, a security guard was hit and killed. 
The cause of death was not from a wound, but from 
cardiac arrest. The bullets were discarded. 


Note: I'm not sure if the bullets should be used as actual 
ammunition as they pose a huge threat to other 
personnel. I'm requesting that testing of bullets on very 
fine is prohibited. -Dr. Dextrainia 


Extra Note: Granted. -O5-7 


Name: Dr. Simonson 
Date: / /2017 
Total Items: Three (3) jars of crude oil 


Input: One (1) jar of crude oil. 
Setting: Rough 
Output: One (1) jar of solid asphalt. 


Note: The jar was unharmed, strangely. 


towards her. Somehow, it knew she was there. She turned to run, 
but slid in the puddle of goo and fell to the floor. Before she could 
stand back up, something wrapped around her leg and began to 


pull. 


Growing up in a rough neighborhood, Lila seen her fair share of 
gunshot wounds and dead bodies. She liked to think that she was 
used to that sort of thing, that it didn't bother her the way it did other 
people. But looking at the thing in the living room, all that went away. 
She felt like a little girl again, staring at her brother's brains leaking 
out of his skull. 


“What the fuck,” she said. “Jesus Christ, what the fuck is that thing?” 


The living room was empty except for about 15 people. They lay on 
the floor, black goo dripping from their mouths. In the kitchen, a 
massive glob of the same goo was squirming across the floor. An 
unconscious woman was stuck in it, slowly being sucked in. In the 
back of Lila's mind, she realized it was Isabel, but the thought didn't 
register in the rest of her brain. Nothing did, except he urge to 
scream. She swallowed it. 


Samuel was already moving. He sprinted to the kitchen, grabbed 
Isabel's arm, and began to pull. She didn't budge. “Come here!” he 
yelled at Lila. When she didn't move, he yelled again, “| need your 
help!” 


What the hell are you doing? The thought came from deep within 
her mind. Just standing her like an idiot? Yes. She couldn't just 
stand around. She had to do something. Stepping past the bodies 
on the floor, she raced to the kitchen and grabbed one of Isabel's 
arms. They heaved back, and for a second nothing happened. Lila 
gritted her teeth, braced her feet, and pulled with everything she 
had. There was a slow sucking noise, and Isabel began to slide out 
of the beast. Her body thudded to the floor. Samuel scooped her up 
and ran to the back door. Lila followed. 


“Do you have any what the fuck that thing is?” she managed to say. 


Samuel shook his head. “No idea.” He looked through the door and 


cursed. 
“What?” 
“It's coming this way,” he said. 
“Are you fucking kidding me?” 


“No. Hell, that thing's fast.” He squatted down and slung Isabel over 
his shoulder in a fireman's carry. “Let's go.” 


They rushed to the gate by the side of the house. Lila tried to open 
it, but it was stuck shut. 


“Stand back,” said Samuel. He lashed out with his foot, kicking the 
gate twice, but it still didn't budge. A groan came from behind them. 
The monster had rounded the corner. 


“Climb over the fence,” said Samuel. “I'll pass her up to you, and 
climb over myself.” 


Lila nodded and scrambled up the gate. Samuel hoisted Isabel 
upwards. “You have a good grip?” he asked. She nodded. Samuel 
let go, she fell back. She crashed into the ground, Isabel landing 
next to her, and popped back up to her feet. Samuel was already 
almost over the fence. Before he could swing his foot over, he was 
yanked back. 


“Fuck!” yelled Lila. She rushed to the fence and thrust a hand out. 
“Grab on!” When he had a grip, she began to pull back. Nothing 
happened. She braced a foot against the fence and pulled harder. 
Still nothing. She jumped, grabbed his color, and yanked 
downwards. There was a popping noise, and the two of them 
tumbled down. 


“You alright?” she asked.