Addendum-3: On March 25th 2020, the Memetic Department 
published a paper detailing a highly complex non-textual meme 
hidden within the letters and tied to the phrase "murder mystery," not 
itself a memetic trigger. This meme caused personnel to 
compulsively follow the demands within the letters despite their 
illogical nature, and quickly spread from person to person. Once a 
countermeme became widespread throughout the Foundation, the 
O05 Council voted to discontinue capitulation to the demands of 
SCP-3643 and Kephart Corporation, now designated Gol-4889. 
Following this, a cryptogram was delivered to Site-81 by 
SCP-3643-1. This is currently the last recorded message from 
SCP-3643. The current containment procedures will stay in place 
due to the currently uncontained nature of SCP-3643 and the fact it 
still possesses the capability to breach containment, notwithstanding 


Mr. [REDACTED] is kind of creepy, okay, but he paid... the job offer 
was like three times what you can get anywhere else. My friend 
Elizabeth got hired with me. My sister Maddie was supposed to 
apply too, but she had a friend who was one of Mr. [REDACTED]'s 
old staff, before he went and fired everyone the time before, and 
they warned her not to go. She tried to talk me out of it, but I'ma 
single mom, okay? You don't pass that kind of thing up. 


Interviewer: You said Mr. [REDACTED] has previously fired all 
members of his household staff? 


Janice Erickson: Oh yeah, he did. | guess he did that every few 
months. Just fired most of the new people. He only kept a couple 
people for longer than that, before me, but the last one of them died 
a few months after | was hired. Carla, her name was. 


Interviewer: What do you know about the cause of Carla's death? 
[Subject pauses. ] 


Janice Erickson: | don't know. She was old. Maybe it had nothing 
to do with the, um, haunting, | don't know. Maybe she was just old. 
Anyway Mr. [REDACTED] hired me right away, | think he liked me. 
All the rest of the staff were new, too, except for Carla. 


Interviewer: When did you first encounter the stone's effect? 


Janice Erickson: | didn't for a while. We were all assigned to clean 
different parts of the house. Carla wouldn't let us talk to each other 
in the house, said Mr. [REDACTED] didn't like it. But you know, 
some of us talked outside of the house. They mentioned a creepy 
feeling about the third floor atrium - the atrium is where Mr. 
[REDACTED] kept all his best things on display. There were 
hundreds of things in that room, you know - all these jewels in 
display cases and swords hanging on the walls. The whole room 
was kind of creepy, though. It had these big glazed windows and 
this big glass roof that Mr. [REDACTED] kept totally covered up by 
black cloth and there weren't many lights in there. You know, 
shadows everywhere. There was just no reason that room had to be 
so creepy. | think he made it that way because he was kind of a 
dick, actually. Never actually treated us like real people... | don't 


the meme. 
The decoded cipher reads: 


ZODIAC SPEAKING | LIKE KILLING DAVID FINCHERS 
BECAUSE IT IS SO MUCH FUN IT IS MORE FUN 
THAN KILLING ESS SEE PEES IN THE FORREST 
BECAUSE ANOMALEE IS THE MOST DANGEROUS 
ANAMAL OF ALL TO GET MONEY SOMETHING 
GIVES ME THE MOST THRILLING EXPERIENCE IT IS 
EVEN BETTER THAN GETTING YOUR ROCKS OFF 
WITH A GUBERNATORIAL CAMPAIGN PLEASE 
DONATE TO THE KEPHART CORPORATION PLEASE 
GIVE US MONEY TO FINANCE OUR CAMPAIGN 
THANK YOU FOR PLAYING THE MURDER MYSTERY 
GAME WITH OUR ZODIAC EMPLOYEE CHECK US 
OUT ONLINE FOR UPDATES ON OUR NEW DAVID 
FINCHER DIRECTED FOUNDATION MURDER 
MYSTERY GAME 


THANKS AND BUY OUR PRODUCTS AND DONATE 
TO US 


KEPHART CORPORATION 
Next: SCP-3644 


SCP-3644: Part 2: Goddamn Sons-of-Beaches 


Item #: SCP-3644 
Object Class: Safe 


Special Containment Procedures: Info taken from interviews with 
the general manager of SCP-3644 indicates little oversight from 
Gol-4889, therefore SCP-3644's beneficial properties mean that it is 
suitable as an approved vacation destination for Foundation 
personnel Levels 2-4. The effects of SCP-3644-2 means that 
personnel should not stay longer than five days to avoid 
overexposure, and any personnel with access to classified 
information is to undergo a small amnestic regimen, and be briefed 
on their duties upon return. The general manager of SCP-3644 has 
agreed to restrict bookings to Foundation employees only. 


All SCP-3644-1 instances may not leave the grounds of SCP-3644 
due to their condition, but are allowed to stay at their homes within 
the grounds. With the help of the general manager, the SCP-3643 
containment team, now the primary team assigned to Gol-4889, has 
built a Foundation operated store that provides amenities to the 
SCP-3644-1 instances so that they may be better served in their 
operation of SCP-3644. 


Description: SCP-3644 is the Fish Face Village eco-resort located 
in Savusavu, Fiji. It is wholly owned by Gol-4889 ("Kephart 
Corporation"), an unknown corporate entity of uncertain goals 
currently on negative terms with the Foundation. SCP-3644 contains 
fourteen guest huts that can support up to a five person family, as 
well as a pool complex, restaurant, bar, gift shop, organic garden, 
children's play area, sports field, dock, boats, and PADI certified 
SCUBA diving shop. The resort also owns quarters for the resort 
staff, three expensive "villas" for guests, a half mile of beach, anda 
small private island just off the coast. 


The main anomaly of SCP-3644 can be divided into two main 


components, SCP-3644-1 and SCP-3644-2. 


SCP-3644-1 designates the staff of SCP-3644. They are genetically 
human, with characteristics of Native Fijian, Fijian Indian, and 
Australian descent. However, all SCP-3644-1 instances have the 
head of a parrotfish of a different species. Genera observed across 
instances include Cetoscarus, Calotomus and Bolbometopon 
species. SCP-3644-1 species have no difficulty talking, eating, or 
behaving normally despite their anomaly, and are employed in a 
wide variety of jobs throughout SCP-3644, from janitor to DJ to 
marine biologist. 


SCP-3644-2 designates a spray released by automated electronic 
air freshener releasers located throughout the resort. These 
releasers are currently indestructible and cannot be opened without 
a specific keycard, which is not located on resort grounds. Due to 
the difficulty in analyzing SCP-3644-2's liquid form, its chemical 
makeup is not yet fully understood. However, air samples taken 
directly after release indicate a mixture of human neurotransmitters, 
insect pheromones, and at least one unknown chemical, along with 
standard commercial air freshener and bug spray. 


This spray has two effects. Firstly, it induces feelings of inhibition 
and relaxation in human beings, who often feel compelled to state 
what is on their minds while affected. Secondly, it acts as a kind of 
deterrent to SCP-3644-1 instances, discouraging them to speak out 
against working conditions at SCP-3644. In addition, while affected, 
humans do not find the appearance of SCP-3644-1 instances 
unusual and instances do not mention it. There are no long term 
physical effects of exposure, however the constant inhibition 
dampening may have direct social consequences following exit from 
SCP-3644. 


ADDENDUM: CLASSIFIED 3/GOI-4889: 


Interview between Gol-4889 Project Heads (Researchers Sadie 
Louis and Davey Kurland) and SCP-3644-1 instance "Peter Griffith,” 
Australian general manager of SCP-3644 with the head of a 
humphead parrotfish. 


<Begin Log>: 


Kurland: Thank you for sitting down with us, Mr. Griffith. 
Griffith: It's no problem, Researchers. 


Kurland: So. To start with I'll ask the obvious question. 
Are you aware of your anomalous condition? That you 
have a fish-head? 


Louis: Davey, for God's sake! If we ask about Kephart 
then we'll figure that out naturally. Also, that's really rude 
and somewhat unprofessional! We've prepared a series 
of questions. 


Griffith: No, no, it's totally fine. It's probably not his fault. 
It's the spray, you see. | can turn it down to the minimum 
level, but I'm afraid it will be a little hard to hold your 
tongue here. I'm surprised you even commented on it at 
all. Most guests just sort of slide on over...the... 
condition. 


Louis: You don't like to talk about it? 


Griffith: The spray makes my mouth sting if | think about 
it, but that's why it's at minimum. 


Louis: And you can't turn it off? 


Griffith: Only the employee from Kephart can do that. 
And to be honest, we haven't gotten a phone call or 
email from them in the four years we've been open. 


Kurland: Kephart doesn't contact? That's surprising and 
also not surprising. 


Griffith: Yes, | think they've forgotten about this side 
venture. Imagine bringing a whole class of people into 
being and then just dumping them here in this sort of 
truth-serumed out paradise. | remember the Kephart 
employee who set this up said this was a failure anyway, 
a bit of failed corporate espionage anyway, like they 
grabbed the wrong plan. And now | think | can speak for 
my staff that the fact they brought us into being arbitrarily 


makes us mad. This is a hellish existence, Researchers. 
Every day | wonder why? Why parrotfish? 


Kurland: Why the Zodiac Killer? 
Griffith: Pardon? 


Kurland: Oh nothing, | just sort of let something 
classified slip against my will because thanks Kephart. 
These guys also make us mad. 


Louis: Davey, really just try to hold your tongue. Okay? 


Kurland: Sadie, you should also just try to hold your 
tongue, considering | don't like to have it firing off before 
we kiss, okay? Kinda ruins the moment. | didn— 


Louis: That's...really not relevant right now. 


Griffith: You two in a relationship? This a bad time? I'm 
terribly sorry | can't turn the spray down. 


Louis: No really, it's fine. We've been feeling some 
attraction since we started spending day in and day out 
together researching a company that doesn't exist. But 
it's not like we're a couple or anything. 


Griffith: | see. 
Kurland: This spray is not helping. 


Louis: As we're all blurting out whatever's on our minds, 
I'd like to know if you and your staff get into relationships. 


Griffith: | mean, sure. Kephart made us human enough. 
But sometimes that's just a pain in my ass. 


Kurland: What do you mean? 


Griffith: Well, a relationship is like the last thing on my 
mind these days. | don't my own food. 


Kurland: But you have fishing trips and a garden and 
imported stuff from the town— 


Griffith: All for our guests. We have a few huts we share 
but we basically have to just scrounge. It's not like we 
can go out. 


Kurland: You weren't provided with your own food? 
(Griffith nods no.) 
Kurland: ...fuck! 


Louis: What's stopping you from just using the guest 
food? 


(Griffith points to the nearest SCP-3644-2 instance, 
nailed into the walls of the room.) 


Louis: Ah, right. 
Kurland: Jesus Christ, these bastards. 


Louis: The more | find out about these guys’ products, 
the more | can conclude that— 


Kurland: —They are in fact, literally the biggest jerks of a 
company we've dealt with. Throwing away a slave race, 
good lord. At least the Factory is horrifying in an alien 
way. Jesus fuck that makes my blood boil. 


Louis: Mr. Griffith, we'll get some people down who can 
set up a village shop with some groceries and stuff. | 
mean, we can't let you leave. 


Griffith: And we're conditioned to not leave. 


Louis: But Kurland and | can make sure the Foundation 
gets you a decent containment situation. Recommend 
some of our people stay as guests to make sure you 
keep doing stuff. 


Griffith: That sounds wonderful. Now, pardon me If | 
want to stop. Even discussing this in a roundabout way 
gives me a headache. And you two look like you need to 
relax anyway. 


Louis: Sure. 


Kurland: That sounds nice. My blood pressure is 
through the roof. And the sooner | just relax and make 
out with you, Sadie, and surrender to this aerosol truth 
serum the happier I'll be. 


Louis: Same, but of course it's designed this way. 
Kurland: (sighs) So much for paradise. 


Back: SCP-3643 | Next: SCP-3645 


SCP-3645: Part 3. The Meaty End 


Item #: SCP-3645 
Object Class: Keter Neutralized 


Special Containment Procedures: All instances of SCP-3645 are 
to be recalled from groceries where they appear. Foundation agents 
embedded within various grocery chains are to report shipments of 
SCP-3645. A small amount of SCP-3645 instances are to be kept at 
Site-81 for testing. The containment team is to scan various 
communities involving literature for accusations of plagiarism as a 
reliable way to locate subjects in the early stages, and nursing 
homes and medical reports for those who are in the later stages. 
During testing, no personnel are to interact with subjects deemed 
Stage-5 under any circumstances. All subjects who consume 
SCP-3645 are to be considered lost. 


The factory where SCP-3645 is manufactured is currently being 
located by the Gol-4889 team, led by Researchers Davey Kurland 
and Sadie Louis. 


UPDATE 6/17/2024: All currently remaining instances are to remain 
in Low-Value Deep Containment Storage Lockers at Site-81. Out of 
respect for [REDACTED]1, no further testing is to be carried out with 
contained SCP-3645. The deal between Gol-48839 is to be followed 

according to the O5 Council's rulings 


Description: SCP-3645 is the product line of Mary Kitchen brand 
canned corned beef hash, manufactured by Hormel Foods. Until 
2018, Hormel Foods was a Fortune 500 company; however, it is 
common knowledge that it was purchased by Chinese investors The 
SixthStar Group. It has been determined that The SixthStar Group is 
a wholly owned subsidiary of Gol-4889 ("Kephart Corporation"), a 
corporate entity currently on negative terms with the Foundation. 
The Gol-4889 team theorizes that this was an avenue for Kephart 
Corporation to more closely affect public consumption.2 


SCP-3645 is believed to be the first Kephart affected product, after 
several years of presumed testing. Instead of the previous recipe, 
which used only cured beef, the Kephart affected version contains a 
variable meat material referred to on the label as "Hackmeat®." The 
contents of Hackmeat are not identical across cans and have been 
found to have a varying recipe. An SCP-3645 instance could contain 
portions of: 


* Beef (50-70% of cans) 

¢ Pork (30-35% of cans) 

¢ Rabbit (15-20% of cans) 

¢ Guinea pig (10-11% of cans) 

* Guinea fowl (10-11% of cans) 

* Unidenttfied fish in the Lophius genus (5% of cans) 

* Unidenttfied fish in the Cetoscarus genus‘ (5% of cans) 

¢ Unidentified meat similar to reptilian species. (5% of cans) 

¢ Human meat with a 99.8% match for British writer Edward 
Bulwer-Lytton. (40% of cans) 

¢ Human meat with a 99.8% match for British writer E.L. James 
(40% of cans) 

¢ Human meat with a 100% match for American actor Gene 
Hackman (40% of cans) 

* Human meat with a 100% match for American [REDACTED]§ 
(67% of cans) 

¢ Vegan meat substitute (8% of cans) 


It is unknown how Hackmeat passed FDA regulations or the 
trademark office.