To disengage the lock, Completed by 
a subject who is of | accident 
welsh decent must 
perform a two-man 
version of William 
Shakespeare's 
Macbeth with the help 
of a trained Grizzly 
Bear no more than 12 
years of age, while 
simultaneously 
gargling Listerine- 
brand mouthwash on 
a prime-numbered day 
of the month during an 
ongoing containment 
breach of SCP- _, but 
only when it is an 
overcast in Phoenix, 
Arizona unless Dr. 
Alto Clef is within 6 
feet of a beagle 
wearing a "Groucho 
Marx disguise" 


Name: Advanced Al+NCD 


Lock Type: 
SCP-789-J 


Name: Dr. Brim 
Lock Type: 


A tin of Altoids 


Name: Dr. |zza 


information on Loc Notes: 
Must interact with See Footnote 1019 
SCP-789-J 


information on Loc Notes: 
Dr. Clef must Complete, no 
consume an entire tin survivors?! 

of Altoids in one sitting 


payment of rent. Police dismantled antenna structure to retrieve the 
body. Examination of crime scene photos and investigation of _'s 
behaviour show the wires were placed in four stages over the 

days before his death: 


Stage 1. Coat hangers attached to antenna with scotch tape. 

hours of VHS tape. 

Stage 2. Reel of 6-gauge wire and duct tape purchased from local 
hardware store. hours of tape. 

Stage 3. Waste wire scavenged from construction sites (_ _—had lost 
his job at due to persistent absenteeism). hours of tape. 
Stage 4. Apartment ransacked. Springs removed from mattress, 
appliances dismantled for wiring. Exits blocked. One tape, 
unlabeled, found in the VCR by police. 


Addendum 543-1: Summary of SCP-543 observation logs (D-671) 


Personnel D-671 was given a random selection of tapes (hours in 
total), viewed in chronological order with VCR and television of the 
same model as _ 's. Steel mesh fitted over screen as a precaution. 


In tapes made during Stage 1, D-671 identified the image as 
unremarkable "TV noise". Later she claimed to discern an image 
and requested that it be "tuned in”. 


In Stage 2 tapes, instead of a two-dimensional "wall" of snow D-671 
claimed to see a vast, three-dimensional space. She stressed the 
size of the space - "bigger than anything you've seen," "bigger than 
anything ever". Beginning of claustrophobic tendencies. 


D-671 reported Stage 3 tapes as "clearer and sharper". She now 
claimed to see "things" occupying the immense space. Whether they 
were animate, or indeed whether they were entities or events, is 
unclear. Once again she emphasized their size, becoming agitated 
when interviewers "did not get it". Severe claustrophobia, anxiety, 
night terrors. 


After viewing minutes of the final, unlabeled tape D-671 attempted 
to remove the mesh over the screen, stripping three fingernails and 
breaking her nose before being restrained. Currently isolated in four- 
point restraints. Cooperates with interviewers but answers are 


Lock Type: 
"Always look on the 
bright side of life" by 
Eric Idle 


Dynamite 
SCP-666-J 


SCP-001-J 
Name: Y. P. L 


Lock Type: 
Miniature SCP-2719 


Name: Dr. Walker 


Lock Type: 
Limes 


Apple seeds 


Orbit 


information on Loc Notes: 

"Always look on the | Attempted. Result: 

bright side of life" wil] Incomplete!2 

be played for 10 hours 

without pause 

Two kilograms of TnT No survivors13 

dynamite will be lit on 

fire with one lighter 

Dr. Gerald will drive a No survivors with the 

bicycle near the box) exception of Dr. 
Geraid'+ 

SCP-001-J will be Incomplete!5 

pushed 


information on Loc Notes: 
Use SCP-2719 to go Completed'6 
inside something 


information on Loc Notes: 
Five limes dispensecl Completed 

from hole in box, 

along with a note 

reading "Go suck a 

lime, assholes". 

Having all five 

members of research 

team suck on said 

limes disengaged 

mechanism 

Roughly eighty (80) | No solution found’? 
tonnes of apple seecis 

exhuded from 

SCP-????-J's 

container 

Box rapidly gains No solution found 
density, causing smaill 

objects to orbit 


Name: Dr. Narinski 


Lock Type: 
Large steel vault door 


container Use of 
SCP-536 on 
SCP-????-J's 
container approved by 
O05 council'8 


information on Loc Notes: 

A Hilti dd350 core drill Completed, (2°), (21) 
materialized onto a 

vulnerable point of the 

vault door when 4 

personnel stool in 

specific pattern!9 

100m away from the 

door 


Name:[REDACTED FOR PRIVACY] 


Lock Type: 
3 cm radius hole with 
two LEDs above it22 
SCP-005 must be 
inserted into standard 
locking mechanism 


Name: Dr. Spooks 


Lock Type: 
Satisfactory Speech 


information on Loc Notes: 
Can be opened by anyCompleted, easily 
key, except SCP-005 
Upon discovery of 
lock, SCP-005 
disappeared from 
containment. The only 
reason the foundation 
knows that SCP-005 
must be inserted into 
the keyhole is a note 
next to the hole saying 
"Please insert 
SCP-005 to continue." 
Incident labeled 
(SCP-?222?-J/ 


Incomplete. SCP-005 
still not retrieved 


SCP-005)-DIS. 
information on Loc Notes: 
Personnel are to Completed23 


please SCP-????-J's 


Sports 


container through 

speech 

12 personnel are to | Completed24 
play any sport they 

may prefer for five 

hours without pause. 


Name: Dr. Whomst'd've 


Lock Type: 
ball throw 


ball catch 


ball run 


information on Loc Notes: 
A Foundation Complete 
standard-issue softball 

was thrown at 

SCP-7777-J 

A large and Complete 
handsomely muscular 

humanoid arm 

appeared sticking out 

of SCP-??22?-J, 

covered in an intricate 

full-sleeve tattoo 

depicting SCP-????-J 

engaging in various 

sordid and vile acts 

with SCP-527. The 

arm proceeded to 

manifest a Foundation 

standard-issue softball 

and throw it at the 

nearby Security 

Officer 

McSecurityofficerface, 

who caught it in mid- 

alr 

SCP-????-J Incomplete. Security 
manifested a large Officer 

exercise ball, witha | McSecurityofficerface 
loud and and quite | was promptly 
rude robot voice instructed to stop 
instructing the nearby skipping leg day 
Security Officer 


ball kick 


shoot ball 


McSecurityofficerface 
to "run on the ball like 
SCP-????-J 
manifested a pair of 
large and handsomely 
muscular humanoid 
legs wearing a pair of 
equally large and 
equally handsome 
high heels and a pair 


of perhaps even larger 


but slightly less 
handsome hammer 
pants. Legs were 
promptly kicked in the 
crotch by a nearby 
Security Officer 
McSecurityofficerface, 
who had entered a 
rage state after falling 
off an exercise ball 
SCP-??2??-J 
transformed into a 
Suomi KP/-31 
submachine gun, 


Complete 


Complete. Dr. 
Whomst'd've's left 
testicle has been 
declared KIA, and was 


modified to include the posthumorously 


actual damn box in 
place of the cartridge. 
A nearby Security 
Officer 
McSecurityofficerface, 
who had entered a 
rage state after falling 
off an exercise ball 
again, aimed the 
patriotically named 
submachine gun 
between the legs of 
Dr. Whomst'd've and 


nominated for the Alto 
Clef Award for Itching 
Horribly at the Most 
Inappropriate of Times 
before being buried in 
a Foundation 
standard-issue 
testicular burial 
ceremony attended 
only by Dr. 
Whomst'd've, his 
closest friends and 
family, and that one 


dong touch 
memes 


Name: Y. P. L 


Lock Type: 
SCP Joke 


Lock Type: 
Super Meat Boy 


WW 2K17 


pulled the trigger creepy Ethics 
Committee member 
who looks like former 
Finnish president Urho 
Kekkonen if former 
Finnish president Urho 
Kekkonen had sniffed 
glue since preschool 
and who always 
shows up for 
Foundation standard- 
issue testicular burial 


ceremonies 
[DATA EXPUNGED] Ew 
Security Officer Complete. Security 


McSecurityofficerface, Officer 

along with his buddies McSecurityofficerface, 
Dr. van Doctorbutt andalong with his buddies 
Janitor Janitorarmpit; Dr. van Doctorbutt and 
Jr, wrote and Janitor Janitorarmpit 
performed a five-act} Jr, were all demoted 
theatre production to D-class by Dr. 
based on a rage Whomst'd've25 

comic from like 2007 


information on Loc Notes: 
One researcher must Complete26 
tell a joke involving an 

SCP to a wall- 

mounted face 


information on Loc Notes: 
Should play Super | Failed.27 

Meat Boy and get past 

Dr. Fetus 

Must fight Brock Failed28 
Lesnar with The 

Undertaker on 


WrestleMania 30 


Name: Dr. 
Lock Type: information on Loc Notes: 
List of SCPs Had to list every sinclelmpossible due to 
SCP's number, name, certain SCPs90 
and give a short 
description?9 
Name: Dr. 
Lock Type: information on Loc Notes: 
Spell ICUP. Digital display showed Complete?! 


the phrase: “SPELL 
ICUP”. Dr. Sherman 
enunciated the phrase 
"T see you pee.” 
Distracted Driving. An entire (inflatable); Incomplete Impossible 
driving simulator 
apparatus with a built 
in screen pushed itself 
out of the side of 
SCP-????-J. One 
person was required 
to pass the driving test 
while also being 
distracted by the fact 
that in 1998, The 
Undertaker threw 
Mankind off Hell In A 
Cell, and plummeted 
16 ft through an 
announcer’s table. 
“Drink Me’. SCP-????-J Complete 
manifested a cup filled 
with an amber brown 
liquid, with “DRINK 
ME” printed on the 
side of the cup. 
D-94509 was 
instructed to drink the 


Insult booth. 


The 29 minute 
Guarantee. 


Name: Dr. Unfist 


Date: 25.10.2017 


trout 


Lock Type: 


liquid, and soon after 
said “Ouch oof owie”, 
reporting severe pain 
in his skeletal system. 


A curtained area 
similar to a photo 
booth labeled 
“INSULT BOOTH” 


erupted out of one of 


the sides of 


SCP-????-J. D-94510 
was instructed to enter 


the photo booth. 
When inside, he 
pressed a large and 
prominent button, 
which dispensed a 
ticket.32 

A stack of pizzas33 
was dispensed from 
SCP-????-J. A 
computerized voice 
emanating from 
SCP-????-J stated 
"You must go 42 
blocks in 7 and 1/2 


minutes, or your ass is 


fired!". With no 
destination given, 


researchers failed to 


deliver the pizzas. 


information on Loc 


Gottem 


Just give me another 
chance. You're 
FIRED.34 


Notes: 


a trout, subject ate the mmm trout35 


trout, it was yummy 


and good in his tummy 


mmm 


SCP-055 


Name: Dr. Crocket 
Date: 18.12.17 


Lock Type: 


Use outdated Memes 


Name: Dr. Wesirin 
Date: 18.12.17 


Lock Type: 


List all Known XK 
scenarios 


Name:Dr.Henry 


Lock Type: 
Hippocratic chicken 


Name: Dr. Doctor 


Lock Type: 
Practical Joke 


Give a full explanation impossible?36 
of SCP-055 


information on Loc Notes: 
Subject was required Completed3” 
to: "Do the Harlem 

Shake while the 'Nyan 

Cat' song plays while 

wearing a 'Harambe' 

mask and spinning 


‘Fidget Spinners". 


information on Loc Notes: 
Subject was required Completed38 
to list every single XK 

scenario that the 

Foundation have 

documented. 


information on Loc Notes: 
perform one surgery) Completed39 
and completely fail to 

uphold the Hippocratic 

oath while succeeding 


Notes: 
Not Completed40 


information on Loc 
A thumbtack was 
dispensed from 
SCP-????-J. Subject 
had to place 
thumbtack on any 
Obd's chair. 


Mario Odyssey Jump SCP-????-J Theoretically 


Rope 


Name: Dr. L 


Lock Type: 
Bait 


Name: Dr. Bright 
Date: / / 


Lock Type: 
SCP 3301 


Don’t worry about it 


Stop It 


Name: Dr. Cad 


dispensed a Nintendo impossible 
Switch, pre-loaded 

with Super Mario 

Odyssey. Subject had 

to attain a score of at 

least 300 on the 

"Jump-Rope 

Challenge" without 

cheating. 


information on Loc Notes: 
Subject was requiredl Incomplete. 17 
to descriptively tell Casualties so far. 
SCP-????-J about 
00|00000\00|'0 


information on Loc Notes: 
Must Beat Able and Completed 
Researcher Talloran 

ina Game Of The 

Foundation Board 

Game By Doctor 


Wondertainment 
Must listen to the songCompleted but very 
*Welcome to Yog- annoying 


Labs” by the Yogscast 
for twenty-four hours 


straight 

Dr. King must interact Theoretically 
with an anomaly impossible414243 
without getting apple 

seeds 


Date: 2008-09-02 


Lock Type: information on Loc Notes: 
| li Il | 
Name: Doctor Methusela 
Lock Type: information on Loc Notes: 
Oral Researcher Benjamin Lock opened after the 
Lyleton must explain| first five minutes. 
Memetics in a way Lyleton placed on 


that is equal to or disciplinary leave 
greater in length than immediately 
Doctor Sort's afterwards on charges 


dissertation on the of unnecessary torture 
subject. Lyleton stood of subjects. 
up in front of an 

auditorium of all the 

on-site staff, picked up 

a mic, and proceeded 

to go on a six-hour 

tirade on how, really, 

memetics is all about 
comprehension and 

meaning. 


Namesplapped: Dr. Spanko 


Date: Cack 

Lock Type: Explainerate: Notes: 
Stranglefruit Stranglefruit for Shallforth happenated. 
Consumption mouthstuffs, elaborate 


on Kentucky? Cack! 
Galpitate the string- 
wing and cease. 
Profound appeasment 
to gargle bare o' 
square! 


Name: Dr. |zabe 
Data: 9/7/12 


repetitive (see Addendum 543-2). 


Addendum 543-2: (partial transcript of interview w/ D-671, 1015h_ / 
/) 


Dr : Why did you do it? 

D-671: Because here isn't big enough. Not when you've seen there. 
Dr : Big enough for what? 

D-671: (pause) Why do you think the TV can see them? 

Dr ; 

D-671: Because they're everywhere. They're all through us. And 
we're not big enough. And it hurts. 


« SCP-542 | SCP-543 | SCP-544 » 


Lock Type: information on Loc Notes: 

Bottledick The “Four Horsemer Completed VERY 

of the Foundation” reluctantly 

must insert their 

reproductive organs 

into a class 3 plastic 

liquid containment 

vessel.44 
Footnotes 
1. Good thing Dr. is such an avid Spongebob fan! 
2. But where did they get the money? 
3. Actually, | can't remember if we solved it or not. 
4. What do you mean, Pluto isn't a planet? -Dr. Brim 
5. To her everlasting shame. 
6.Holy [EXPLETIVE], he did six footnotes for an X-Men skip?!? 
What reality is this? We don't even have a website! Wait, do we h— 
Advanced Al-NCD 
7. Fucking hell! How am | supposed to distinguish all these 
carbonated beverage flavors? -Dr. Brim 
8. Due to it appearing to be completely docile, we might be able to 
use this miniature version of 682 for better tissue test results. 
Knocking down two birds with one stone, if it kills this it might kill the 
real thing, AND we open the lock. -Dr. Brim 
9. Media suppression tactics have been enabled to help explain the 
, broken fingers necessary to complete mechanism. 
10.Incident-????-789-J-A Report:look, the butt ghost eated that 
[REDACTED]!!!by researcher james, age 11It is currently unknown 
how Researcher James was able to know SCP-????-J appearance. 
A request was sent to reclassify Researcher James to SCP-JAMES- 
J. 
11. Result: [DATA EXPUNGED] Notes: What the absolute fuck? -Dr. 
Brim 
12. The box did not appear happy, or unlocked. 
13. "Sorry, | thought the blast radius was smaller."-Dr. Izza 
14. "Sorry, | just love explosions."-Dr. Izza 
15. Dr. lzza was fired. 
16. Dr. tried to "Go Inside" his girlfriend... yeaaaa, didn't work out 
too well. -Y. P.L 
17.Who let Dr. King out of his containment cell?! Guards!- Dr. 
Walker 


18. What? Who the fuck told you that? Denied. Denied. Denied.- 
O5-1 

19. 2 persons standing 100m south of the drill with the person to the 
left of the center one 10m away from them, another person opposite 
of center one facing the first person, a final person adjacent of 
center person facing the person 10m away from the center person. 
20. Vault door opened approximately 30 minutes after initial 
materialization of drill. Drill seemed to dematerialize as soon as the 
vault door opened. Vault door disappeared approximately 10 
seconds after opening. 

21. 30 minutes for that? | expected a reward at least, like 
$100,000,000 in gold! -Dr. Narinski 

22. LEDs emit red light and green light. Colors correspond to locked 
and unlocked, respectively.