Researcher Fenton: Some went with them. They're not 
people anymore, of course. How could they be? Things 
didn't go as clean as expected when the thirteen 
expelled these things. Thought without body. Sexier than 
you might think. 


Manu Thirteen: Expelled. What do you mean by that? 


Researcher Fenton: Ejected. Forced out from us long 
before anyone could write this stuff down. Thank God for 
that. Permanent records of these things? Fuck that. 


Manu Thirteen: Is there a physical entrance to 
SCP-2474, Jacob? 


Researcher Fenton: TRANSCRIPT ALTERED FOR 
READER PROTECTION | hope that whoever ends up 
out there doesn't find it. 


Manu Thirteen: That would seriously jeopardize any 
planned research missions. 


Researcher Fenton: Good. 
Manu Thirteen: The site security officer informs me that 


all systems are cleared for deployment. We will now 
commence. 


[EIGHT SECONDS OF SILENCE. RESEARCHER 
FENTON HUMS IN THE BACKGROUND. STEADY 
ELECTRONIC BEEPS FROM HEART RATE MONITOR 
ATTACHED TO LEAD RESEARCHER SEUNG'S 
HOSPITAL BED] 


Manu Thirteen: It is as we discussed. Anjali will 
meditate upon her experience with SCP-2474. She will 
call out a mantra. Respond as you will. Technician Ishii, | 
must ask again. You are willing to serve as the receiver 
for contact? 


Technician Ishii: Yes. 
Manu Thirteen: Please proceed, Anjali. 


[THREE MINUTES EIGHTEEN SECONDS OF SILENCE 
AND BACKGROUND NOISE] 


Researcher Mannava: Exile. 
Researcher Halvorsen: No. | need these beings. 


[ONE MINUTE NINE SECONDS OF SILENCE AND 
BACKGROUND NOISE] 


Researcher Mannava: Exile. 


Researcher Halvorsen: They are calling it New 
Shambhala. It was always in you. You want us. 


[FIVE MINUTES THIRTY-THREE SECONDS OF 
SILENCE AND BACKGROUND NOISE] 


Researcher Mannava: Birth. 


Researcher Fenton: [HIGH PITCHED, DISTRESSED 
KEENING] 


Researcher Mannava: Birth. 


Researcher Fenton: [CONTINUES HIGH PITCHED 


KEENING NOISE] 
Researcher Mannava: Life. 


[KEENING STOPS. TWO MINUTES, EIGHTEEN 
SECONDS OF SILENCE] 


Technician Gryboski: That ain't life. That can't be alive. 
Researcher Mannava: Enter. 


Lead Researcher Seung: No’. [AUDIBLE DISTRESS 
FROM SEVERAL STAFF] 


Researcher Mannava: Enter. 


Technician Ishii: TRANSCRIPT ALTERED FOR 
READER PROTECTION 


EIGHTEEN MINUTES FORTY-SEVEN SECONDS 
MISSING FOR READER PROTECTION 


Manu Thirteen: [ALARM SIRENS IN BACKGROUND] 
Please flush the HVAC system now, the aerosolized 
amnestic is approaching unsafe levels. Immediately. 


Manu Thirteen: [ALARM SIRENS IN BACKGROUND] 
Tell the medics to hurry, Kiemon doesn't have long. 


Manu Thirteen: Why was it tied to one person? The 
research suggested that the entities make no 
differentiation between individuals. 


Researcher Mannava: | don't know, Manu. | think this is 
beyond us. 


Manu Thirteen: That is a strange sentiment for 
someone like you. 


[THIRTY-EIGHT SECONDS OF SILENCE] 


Researcher Mannava: We heard about the launch, 


Manu. Even in a sealed A3 environment we heard about 
that. About the First Thousand. Humanity's greatest 
achievement and that's what's waiting for them. 


Manu Thirteen: It will be approximately one year before 
the mission reaches Venus. Command is working on 
containment. This is why you were all pushed so far. The 
data is very valuable. 


Researcher Mannava: Poor Kiemon. 

[SEVENTEEN SECONDS OF SILENCE] 
Researcher Mannava: They should let us brief them. 
Manu Thirteen: Whom do you mean? 


Researcher Mannava: You're even worse at bullshit 
than humans. | know they're sending a task force. They 
have to be. They should have let us talk to them. 


Manu Thirteen: You know why that is impossible. 


Researcher Mannava: Yeah, | know. So what. This isn't 
documentable. They need to feel this. Walking into 
something like that. They- 


Manu Thirteen: ...Anjali? 


Researcher Mannava: ...they're sending you, aren't 
they? 


Manu Thirteen: Yes. 


Researcher Mannava: ...yeah. Right, how could they 
not. 


[THIRTY-TWO SECONDS OF SILENCE] 


Researcher Mannava: Manu, I...! have one piece of 
information, | think. Before we wrap this up. 


Manu Thirteen: Please share. 


Researcher Mannava: When Kiemon...when that thing 
came through, the amnestics. | don't think it just 
disappeared back to whatever space it inhabits. 


Manu Thirteen: No? 
Researcher Mannava: | think we killed it. 
Manu Thirteen: ...oh. 


Researcher Mannava: Whatever lives in the anomaly, | 
don't think they understand what it means to be tied to 
physical space. But killing one? | think we...instructed 
them, somehow. | think we helped them to understand 
us a little more. 


Manu Thirteen: Perhaps understanding is a positive 
result. 


Researcher Mannava: ...God. Be careful out there, 
Manu. 


Footnotes 

1. The "Cogwork Orthodox Church" 

2. Believed to be the term for "form" in an archaic form of the Yoruba 
dialect in this context. 

3. Despite this event, EEG monitors detected no brain activity at this 
time. Lead Researcher Seung has remained in a permanent 
vegetative state since this incident. 


« SCP-2473 | SCP-2474 | SCP-2475 » 


SCP-274: Graffito 


Item #: SCP-274 
Object Class: Keter 


Special Containment Procedures: Any buildings found to be 
infected with SCP-274 are to be reported immediately to a superior 
and the leader of Mobile Task Force Pi-1 (“City Slickers”). MTF Pi-1 
is to incinerate cases of SCP-274-1, and secure the infected 
building(s) by forming a quarantine with a 1 kilometer radius under 
the guise of the local police and fire department. MTF Pi-1 is to 
terminate any cases of SCP-274-2 through the use of high-pressure 
fire hoses. Civilians insisting on entering an instance of SCP-274-1 
are to be detained, and have one class B amnestic administered. 
Any apparatus used to contain or handle SCP-274 should either be 
incinerated, or entirely composed of metal or glass, and washed 
thoroughly immediately after use. The cover story for a containment 
breach of SCP-274 should be gang-related arson. 


Description: SCP-274 is a paint of variable color. Buildings inflicted 
with SCP-274 appear to have large amounts of graffiti covering the 
sides of the building, and often have large, disturbing designs to 
them (see addendum-274). While its consistency is that of normal 
paint, its composition reveals it to be 28% hemoglobin, 12% gastric 
acid, and 60% common components consistent with Krylon brand 
spray paint. 


When SCP-274 is applied to a wall, it will begin to spread until it has 
covered the wall and any walls attached to it. SCP-274 is unable to 
spread on metal, glass, and horizontal surfaces. While SCP-274 
spreads on buildings, it will convert the interior of a wall into a large 
mesoglea, the interior walls into a gastrodermis, and the exterior 
walls act as a protective shell and epidermis. Buildings coated 
entirely with SCP-274 will become cases of SCP-274-1. 


SCP-274-1 exhibit signs of life, react to stimuli, and behave ina 


SCP-2475: Culinary Deduction 


Item #: SCP-2475 
Object Class: Euclid 


Special Containment Procedures: At least one Foundation agent 
is to be employed by the Conan Doyle for surveillance purposes. 
Foundation agents under the authority of the Region 41A (Scotland - 
Lowlands) Director will monitor local and national news about 
escaped felons or persons under investigation by authorities, and 
will convey this information to the embedded agent to deny entry to 
said individuals. Should SCP-2475 be activated, the Region 41A 
Director will have discretion over the possible use of amnestics to 
cover up the containment breach. 


Description: SCP-2475 is an anomalous phenomenon affecting the 
Conan Doyle, an upscale pub and restaurant located in Edinburgh, 
Scotland. The Conan Doyle was first established in 1873, but did not 
exhibit anomalous properties until 1987. 


Whenever any individual who has committed a violent crime or 
robbery enters the Conan Doyle and orders food or a drink, local 
authorities will be alerted to their location. The way in which they are 
alerted takes a variety of forms; methods used in the past have 
included anonymous phone calls!, emails, text messages, and even 
obsolete methods of communication such as telegraph messages. 
Despite numerous attempts, no form of communication used by 
SCP-2475 has been successfully traced back to a person or 
person(s). 


The effect occurs regardless of whether or not the individual has 
been convicted of the crime; how SCP-2475 obtains its information 
is currently unknown. Possible use of SCP-2475 to assist local law 
enforcement is pending review by the Ethics Committee. 


Addendum: On 22 Oct 2001, an individual (who was later 


discovered to have been responsible for a local robbery) entered the 
Conan Doyle with a copy of A Study in Scarlet, the first book in the 
popular Sherlock Holmes series. Local authorities were not alerted 
to his presence; instead, upon ingesting food he had ordered, he 
suffered an allergic reaction and died en route to a local hospital. 
The individual did not have any medical history related to allergens 
used to prepare his meal. 


Footnotes 

1. The voice on these calls is always scrambled; attempts to make 
the voice clearer with audio analyzing equipment have been 
unsuccessful. 


« SCP-2474 | SCP-2475 | SCP-2476 » 


SCP-2476: | Didn't Expect That 


Personnel Warning 


The following document was created under the influence 
of a cognihazardous effect specializing in the alteration 
of perceived information. Information in this document is 
not to be discerned as truth. A revised document has 
been made available to personnel with clearance. It is 
advised to those assigned to this SCP item to read this 
document in order to acquire a better understanding of 
its cognihazardous components. 


Knight #: SIR-2476 the Safe 


Special Chamber Requirements: SIR-2476 is kept in a humanoid 
containment tower at Site-17 castle. Questioning in interviews with 
SIR-2476 are to kept to a minimum, in order to prevent the activation 
of its primary enchantment. SIR-2476 is to be fed on a diet 
consisting of ham, canned pork and any type of jam as a condiment. 
SIR-2476 has been allowed to keep a potted shrubbery in its 
chamber of its own request. 


Description: SIR-2476 is a human male in its early thirties, 
biologically identical to the late film actor Graham Arthur Chapman. 
SIR-2476 is prone to occasional episodes of hostility, where it will 
insult personnel in a French accent and insist they leave its 
presence, under the threat of further taunting. Apart from these 
episodes, SIR-2476 is generally cooperative with Foundation staff. 
The words "Mr. Monty Python And The Holy Grail, by Gamers 
Against Weed” are tattooed across SIR-2476’s left thigh. 


SIR-2476 displays a number of enchantments relating to the 1975 
film 'Monty Python and the Holy Grail’ by the British comedy group, 
Monty Python. SIR-2476 is only capable of verbal communication 
through the use of words used in the manuscript of the film. 
SIR-2476 is able to recite the script of the film in its entirety, 


including dialogue, descriptions, actions and both beginning and 
ending credits. SIR-2476 is unable to speak any words outside of 
the script, despite multiple attempts. 


When speaking for extended periods of time, SIR-2476 will begin 
dictating lines from the films script in-order, and proceed to recite the 
remainder in its entirety. SIR-2476 will begin reciting from a point in 
the script where the last word(s) it sooke was used. Anyone 
speaking with SIR-2476, or anyone else involved in the conversation 
at the time of the effects activation will join in with the recital. 
SIR-2476 and those affected will soeak the dialogue of a varying set 
of characters through the entire recital. Subjects will take turns to 
speak the script's descriptions and actions. The beginning and 
ending credits will always be recited by SIR-2476. Those affected 
are unable to recall the events which took place while under 
SIR-2476’s effects. 


Initial interview log 
The following is a partial interview performed by Brother Belle 
shortly after the recovery of SIR-2476. 


+Interview Log 2476-1 


Brother Belle: Alright. Sir 2476, do tell me, 
what are your earliest memories? And what 
did you do to those peasants in ? 


SIR-2476: | remember walking around and 
knocking into someone. | said sorry. They 
were nice to me. We started to talk about 
funny things. 


Brother Belle: What did you discuss? 
SIR-2476: Monty Python. We both like it. 


Brother Belle: How did you know about the 
film beforehand? 


SIR-2476: | knew it when | appeared. 


Brother Belle: Alright. How did you make 


them do what they did? 


SIR-2476: It started after a little while. He 
brought up the spanking scene and | 
remembered it being fantastic. So we started 
saying it! 


Brother Belle: That was the trigger? 


SIR-2476: Yes, it was rather fun. Did | do 
something wrong? 


Brother Belle: No, no. You have nothing to 
worry about. 


SIR-2476: Oh ok, thank you. | was afraid I’d 
done something bad. 


Brother Belle: Do you enjoy comedy films? 


SIR-2476: Yes! | haven’t seen them but | know 
they are good! Could | watch some? 


Brother Belle: We'll see. If you can help us 
out some more. I'm sure it can be arranged. 


SIR-2476: Thank you! | get to watch it 
properly! With all the dancing and singing. 
(SIR-2476 pauses for a few seconds) 


SIR-2476: And cheery music would be 
required to make it seem homey. Luckily, that 
is just what we get. Knights. Singing. 


Brother Belle: We’re Knights of the Round 
Table. We dance whene’er we’re able. 


SIR-2476: Knights leap on table. 


Brother Belle: We do routines and chorus 
scenes with footwork- 


At this point, the interview was immediately terminated 
and SIR-2476 was returned to its holding chamber. Both 
SIR-2476 and Brother Belle continued to recite the script 
of Monty Python and the Holy Grail in its entirety, despite 
being held in separate locations. They got better. 


Document 2476-8745 


The following document was recovered from the village of upon 
locating SIR-2476. It is reproduced below in its entirety. 


Jesus Christ! You've just found yourself your very own 
Sir Monty Python And The Holy Grail by the Holy 
order of Knights Against Weed! It's only a model. Who is 
King Wondertainment? 


Gather them all and become Sir Gamer! 


01. Sir Literal Serial Killer 

02. Sir Normie 

03. Sir Sanders 

04. Sir Get Anything For Free In Any Shop 
20. Sir Sex Number 

21. Sir Heavenly Virtues 

22. Sir Deadly Sins 

23. Sir Original Character 

24. Sir D.A.R.E. 

25. Sir Gentrification 

26. Lady Mad About Video Games 
27. Sir Meme 

28. Sir Ominous (discontinued) 

29. Sir Destiny 

30. Sir Monty Python And The Holy Grail Y 
31. Lady Zapatista 

32. Sir Hax 

33. Sir Just Has The Tattoo 
34. Sir Top Text and Sir Bottom Text 
35. Sir Finale 

36. Sir Not Appearing In This Series 


Item #: SCP-2476 
Object Class: Euclid 


Special Containment procedures: All information regarding 
SCP-2476 may only be made available to Level 3 personnel who 
are currently studying SCP-2476. Personnel studying SCP-2476 are 
to first be directly shown SCP-2476's anomalous properties directly 
in-order to prevent the spread of its SCP-2476-1. 


SCP-2476 is kept in a humanoid containment cell at Site-17. 
SCP-2476 has no special medical or dietary requirements. 


Description: SCP-2476 is a human male in its mid-twenties. 
SCP-2476 is prone to occasional episodes of extreme hostility, 
where it will demand personnel to conform to its desires, under the 
threat of extreme violence. Apart from these episodes, SCP-2476 is 
generally cooperative with Foundation staff. The words "Mr. Spanish 
Inquisition, by Gamers Against Weed” are tattooed across 
SCP-2476’s left thigh.