Following failure of payment, an amount of money equivalent to the 
premium will disappear from the signee's possession within thirty 
days. This amount doubles each time, and appears under utility bills 
as" Insurance late fee". In addition, a form will appear in the 
presence of the policyholder, entitled "Late Fee Appeal", with 
instructions to fill out the form and bring it to SCP-2210 for an 
appeal. In the event that the policyholder lacks enough money to 
pay the late fee, object(s) of equivalent value will begin to disappear 
from their home or person, the "Late Fee Appeal" form appearing in 
said object's place. High-speed camera surveillance shows 
unknown individuals entering the residence, leaving the appeal form, 
and carrying off objects and possession that equal the value of the 
late fee. If the policyholder runs out of possessions and money, they 
will be accosted by an unknown individual in a business suit and 
mask, who will proceed to abduct them and carry them through the 
nearest doorway, whereupon the two will disappear. Victims of the 
full process have been observed working in SCP-2210, but ignore all 
attempts at interaction. 


If the signee tries to end the contract or brings in the late fee appeal 
form, they will be given a "Termination Regulation Information" form, 
and asked to fill it out completely and take it to another instance of 
SCP-2210-1 at a different office within the complex. The form uses 
complex jargon and terminology from various profession to request 
esoteric and seemingly useless personal information from the 
signee, such the blood type of the signee's paternal great- 


grandmother, the breed of the sire of their dog, and the country in 
which the transistors of their phone was manufactured. Although the 
questions have some pertinence to the signee, more often then not 
they appear to have been chosen at random. If any the questions on 
the form are not completely answered, the form will not be accepted 
by the next instance of SCP-2210-1, which will request that the form 
be fully completed. 


If the form is successfully handed in, the instance it is handed to will 
claim that eight weeks are needed to process the form, and ask the 
signee to leave and return after eight weeks. At the end of the eight 
weeks, the instance will claim that a bureaucratic incident has 
nullified the form, give the signee a similar form with different 
questions, and ask them to repeat the process. Successfully filling 
out this form has the same results, and so on and so forth. Attempts 
to terminate the contract are also hindered by the nature of the 
space inhabited by SCP-2210. Although it resembles an ordinary 
office complex, it is a large, labyrinthine complex that adheres to 
neither Euclidean geometry nor conventional time. Among other 
spatial paradoxes, it is possible to simultaneously enter and exit a 
room, walk on the ceilings and floor, and climb Penrose stairs. 


Addendum: " Policy #40535: Anomalous Intelligence" 

After researching various facets of SCP-2210, Dr. T __, the lead 
researcher assigned to SCP-2210, proposed using SCP-2210 as an 
intelligence-facilitating measure. The proposal was accepted 
following an 8-5 vote from the O5 council, and steps were taken to 
obtain a possible contract with minimal risk to Foundation assets. 
Using [DATA EXPUNGED], D-18272 was convinced of his identity 
as Foundation Agent , and ordered to accept an offer from 
SCP-2210 pertaining to anomalous intelligence. D-18272 was 
offered "Policy #40535: Anomalous Intelligence ", and accepted. 
Immediately following his acceptance, multiple documents were 
added by an unknown party to the server in Site-42's Archive Wing. 
Said documents are abstracts of insurance policies that appear to 
have been made with SCP-2210 by other Groups of Interest. Each 
week, the abstracts disappear through an unknown process and are 
replaced by new abstracts. 


The following list contains the policy abstracts provided during the 


current week. Copies of previous abstracts are located at the Site-42 
Archive Wing. 


Policy #2779915 (Are We Cool Yet?) 


Policy: Replacement of Kim Song-ju's Parietal 
Lobe 
Monthly premium: 2111 yuan 
Description: Kim Song-ju, the current Prime 
Minister of North Korea, is to have his parietal 
lobe removed and replaced with a modified 
Arduino microcontroller that replicates its 
functions. The wireless portable computer that 
connects to the microcontroller will also be 
provided to William Shao, the policyholder. 
Insurance will also uphold the 
warranty on Kim Song-ju, the microcontroller, 
and the computer, to fix or replace them if 
necessary. 
Status: Contract terminated following death of 
William Shao via cardiac arrest. 


Policy #167032 (Marshall, Carter, and Dark) 


Policy: Specialized Android Security Force 
Monthly premium: $5023 

Description: Jonathan Franks, the current 
CTO of , is to be guarded at all 
times by Android Security Force #15. Security 
Force #15 has been supplied with flesh suits in 
order to remain inconspicuous. 

Insurance will program the security force 
according to Franks' demands, and will 
perform periodic inspection and maintenance 
of each android. 

Status: Contract is active. 


Policy #95,684 (The Serpent's Hand) 


Policy: Supply of Hearts 
Monthly premium: 6841 Swedish kroner 


Description: Each week, 300 formaldehyde- 
preserved human, ostrich, tiger, penguin, 
rattlesnake, baboon, anteater, and wild boar 
hearts each are to be delivered to The Cult of 
Amaan Masapi for use in the banishment ritual 
of Amaan Masapi, That Which Devours the 
World. 

Status: Contract terminated following failure of 
payment by The Cult of Amaan Masapi, who is 
currently appealing the late fee in Customer 
Service. 


Policy #8741 (Herman Fuller's Circus of the Disquieting) 


Policy: Escapee Retrieval 

Monthly premium: $263 

Description: Each performer in Herman 
Fuller's Circus of the Disquieting has had 
tracking devices implanted within their sternum 
or approximate body area. If a performer flees 
the Circus, Insurance Retrieval Team 
will track down, capture, and return the 
performer to the Circus with minimal 
casualties. 

Status: Contract is active. 


Policy #734 (Wondertainment Industries) 


Policy: Test Subjects 

Monthly premium: $2767 

Description: Each week, ten Standard Issue 
Broad-Spectrum Adolescent Human Test 
Subjects, with fear and pain responses 
removed, are to be manufactured and shipped 
to Wondertainment Industries for Quality 
Control Testing. Dr. Wondertainment is to be 
kept unaware of this policy. 

Status: Contract is active. 


« SCP-2209 | SCP-2210 | SCP-2211 » 


SCP-2211: A .wmv, a .wav, an .exe, and a Coffee 
Machine 


Item #: SCP-2211 
Object Class: Safe Euclid 


Special Containment Procedures: SCP-2211-1, -2 and -3 are kept 
on separate thumb drives in a standard small item containment 
locker. Due to space constraints, SCP-2211-4 is currently kept in a 
separate small item standard containment locker. Permission for 
testing SCP-2211-1 through -4 can be obtained from the Digital 
Anomalies Department by any relevant Level 3 personnel and 
above. 


As of 09/10/2014, SCP-2211 has been designated as Uncontained. 
Site resources will be dedicated towards discerning the true nature 
of SCP-2211, as well as reestablishing containment. 


Description: SCP-2211 is was a collection of four related anomalies 
first discovered in the offices of Hewlett-Packard in Shanghai. 


SCP-2211-1 is a 932 MB video file titled longsmile.wmv. When 
played, it shows a pair of smiling lips at the right edge of the screen, 
which open to reveal teeth. The camera then pans right throughout 
the rest of the video, continuously revealing more teeth. Though 
SCP-2211-1 is listed as being 55 seconds long, it will continue 
playing for more than 150 hours, the upper limit determined before 
testing was halted. SCP-2211-1 lacks an audio track. 


Playing SCP-2211-1 for more than 59 minutes and 20 seconds 
results in the device used to play SCP-2211-1 secreting a small 
amount (5-10 ml/min) of what has been determined to be human 
saliva. DNA testing has returned no positive matches with any 
known individual on record so far. 


SCP-2211-2 is a 2.0 MB audio file titled eyee(79).wav. Its contents 


vary with each playthrough, but generally consist of modulated static 
that cuts off occasionally every 2-10 seconds for approximately 0.3 
seconds. Like SCP-2211-1, SCP-2211-2 plays for more than 150 
hours, despite being listed as 3 minutes and 3 seconds long. Minor 
fluctuations of the static are detected at an approximate rate of 3 per 
second; this rate increases to 5 per second when SCP-221 1-2 is 
played on a device with an attached camera. 


Playing SCP-2211-2 on a device for more than 59 minutes and 20 
seconds results in the device secreting a clear fluid at a rate of 20 
ml/min, identified as a mixture of water and sodium chloride, with 
trace amounts of amino acids, glucathione, ascorbic acid and 
human collagen fibres. 


SCP-2211-3 is a 599 KB executable titled H.exe. When run ona 
computer, SCP-2211-3 uses a significant amount of memory, 
resulting in overheating and causing the built-in fans of the affected 
computer to speed up. Despite the damage caused by overheating, 
the affected computer will continue to run until it is forcibly 
disconnected from its power source. 


When run for more than 59 minutes and 20 seconds, air processed 
through the built-in fans of the affected computer begins to smell 
strongly of earwax. However, no traces of biological matter have 
been found in the processed air. The smell is undetectable below 
100 ppm, and this effect is absent when SCP-2211-3 is runona 
computer without a fan-operated cooling system. 


While SCP-2211-1 through -3 can be moved from one file directory 
to another without affecting their properties, copies of SCP-2211-1 
through -3 lack anomalous effects: copies of SCP-2211-1 will result 
in the video ending at the expected time, copies of SCP-2211-2 
consist entirely of unmodulated static ending at the expected time, 
and copies of SCP-2211-3 invariably fail to run. 


SCP-2211-4 is a coffee reheater powered by a USB adapter. When 
SCP-221 1-4 is plugged into the USB port of a computer, any liquid 
placed in its container will be heated to about 65°C, while also being 
transmuted into mucus at an average rate of 1 ml/min, regardless of 
whether said computer is powered on or not. Occasionally, 
SCP-221 1-4 will produce strands of human nose hair. DNA analysis 


reveals a match with the saliva produced by SCP-2211-1. 
Addendum SCP-2211-01: 


Transcript of Surveillance Log 20141006-B2-A4, 
0320h-0401h 


Begin log 


Sound of banging metal detected near 2nd floor of Wing 
B. Door of small item containment locker DAD-2838 is 
heavily deformed outwards, and has experienced a 
heavy impact from its inside. 


The sound of banging metal persists for the next 3 
minutes as the door of containment locker DAD-2838 
begins to burst outwards. Security teams are deployed to 
cordon off the area and manage the situation. 


Containment locker DAD-2838 is fully breached from the 
inside when a segmented humanoid arm emerges, 
extending to reveal numerous joints along its length. 
Security teams begin opening fire on the arm, to little 
effect. While the video feed shows that the arm 
terminates in a seven-fingered hand, personnel present 
on the scene reported a number of fingers ranging from 
five to "approximately thirty”. 


The arm repeatedly strikes, and breaches, the 
containment locker containing SCP-2211-4, 
approximately 5m from containment locker DAD-2838. It 
subsequently reaches for SCP-2211-4 and pulls it back 
into containment locker DAD-2838. 


No further activity detected. Arm presumed to have 
dematerialised. 


End log 


Upon examination of containment locker DAD-2838, no traces of the 
arm were discovered. 


to manipulate objects in the manner similar to that of a normal 
human of average strength and coordination. SCP-254-1 will adopt 
the appearance and persona of a model employee, based on an 
area’s memetic consensus. Once SCP-254-1’s appearance has 
been established, an image of SCP-254-1 that appears to be an 8 x 
10 glossy photograph fills the empty picture holder, and it will not 
change until SCP-254 is moved to a new location. Across the 
bottom of the photograph, in print, is the newly assumed name of 
SCP-254-1. The photograph cannot be removed from the picture 
holder by any known means, but it can be torn or ripped. Doing so in 
an aggressive or purposeful manner results in a violent reaction 
from SCP-254-1 (see attached recording SCP-254-a: [DATA 
EXPUNGED] the / / _ incident). 


Regardless of appearance, SCP-254-1 maintains a cheerful 
demeanor at all times. SCP-254-1 is able to carry on conversations 
about the weather, traffic, the previous night’s TV shows, sports, and 
other such topics, although SCP-254-1 will never discuss topics of 
which present individuals have no knowledge. Personnel assigned 
to work in an area where SCP-254 is in use do not appear alarmed 
by SCP-254-1’s incorporeal nature or sudden appearance, stating 
that SCP-254-1 “works here.” Due to local personnel’s reluctance to 
remove the plaque, or inability to remember to remove the plaque, 
removal is to be scheduled and performed by off-site personnel. 


SCP-254-1 is capable of performing menial tasks quickly and 
efficiently. When given tasks that require specialized training, 
although SCP-254-1 does not possess the required expertise, (s)he 
will attempt them with the usual good attitude, but will perform as 
well as an average person could be expected to perform. 
SCP-254-1 will continue to perform as exemplary an employee as 
possible for a length of time between 28-46 work days, usually 
ending at the conclusion of a calendar month. If SCP-254 is placed 
in a workplace several days into a calendar month, SCP-254-1 will 
act as an effective employee until the end of the following month, 
although due to the dangers posed by shifting memetic consensus, 
no use of SCP-254 for longer than 26 days is permitted. 


After the “month” has passed, if SCP-254 is not removed, 
SCP-254-1 will begin to degrade in performance, beginning with an 


Examination of containment locker DAD-2838 revealed that 
SCP-2211-1, -2 and -3 had been erased from their respective 
storage media. Furthermore, SCP-2211-4 ceased to exhibit any 
anomalous behaviour whatsoever. 


In light of this, SCP-2211 was tentatively declared Uncontained on 
08/10/2014 by Head Researcher Min. 


Addendum SCP-2211-02: 


Untitled .txt file found on SCP-2211-1's USB drive 5 days after the 
events of 06/10/2014. 


got my my nose ::00)) 


« SCP-2210 | SCP-2211 | SCP-2212 » 


SCP-2212: [MASSIVE DATABASE CORRUPTION] 


« SCP-2211 | SCP-2212 | SCP-2213 » 


SCP-2213: Cat People 


Item #: SCP-2213 
Object Class: Euclid 


Special Containment Procedures: Should SCP-2213's cover 
begin to show any structural damage related to stress fracturing, the 
site director must oversee Operation Mu-4, unsealing the object and 
replacing the cover. 


Operation Mu-4's details may only be accessed by Site-131's 
director. Class C amnestics must be administered to the site director 
and any personnel involved in the execution of Mu-4 following the 
conclusion of the operation. 


Any SCP-2213-1 instances in Foundation custody are to be 
immediately terminated. Any future SCP-2213-1 instances are to be 
terminated through incineration immediately upon production 
(except as outlined in Operation Mu-4). 


Description: SCP-2213 is a door which, if uncovered, will produce 
an individual (referred to as an SCP-2213-1 instance) at intervals 
approximately two minutes apart. Beyond this production, the 
doorway appears entirely mundane, being composed of oak wood.