Finally, while SCP-2103 is speaking with a given person, it may 
occasionally display seemingly random images on its monitor. 
Reactions by testing staff have ranged from highly amused to 
visceral horror. For more information regarding conversations with 
SCP-2103, see also attached document 'Log 2103-A’. 


Log 2103-A 


The following is a series of conversations recorded with and tests 
conducted on SCP-2103, including the most noteworthy snippets 
(when applicable) and the researchers’ reactions to them. Due to the 
nature of 2103, it is highly suggested that researchers keep 


themselves from revealing information which is either too personal 
or too strange. 


Okay, I'm going to have to put this here so | can make my stance 
clear. Could you guys PLEASE stop telling SCP-2103 your entire 
lexicon of sex jokes? And yes, that includes you, Dr. Rights. All 
these random raunchy phrases are just driving everyone up the wall. 
And | don't even want to know the punchline involving the water 
balloon, the nun and the hot potato. -Agent Schism 

Personnel: Agent 

Timeframe: One hour 

Subject: Political discourse 

Result: 

Throughout the course of the conversation, Agent became 
increasingly agitated, eventually devolving to shouting obscenities at 
SCP-2103. Agent appeared to be infuriated primarily by the 
even and undisturbed manner in which SCP-2103 delivered its 
responses. Before long, Agent began to pound on the glass, at 
which point he was restrained by the guards and escorted out. Later, 
Agent claimed sadly, "I really don't know what came over me 
there." 

Personnel: Doctor 

Timeframe: Six hours (with a 15 minute break at the 3 hour mark) 
Subject: Shakespeare 

Result: 

In the interest of further testing, Doctor began to read, in as 
‘hammy' a manner as possible, sections from Romeo and Juliet, The 
Taming of the Shrew, and King Lear, alongside other such works. 
After some time, SCP-2103 began to [DATA REDACTED] a decent 
publisher. 

Commentary: That was just incredible. | nearly cried. -Agent 
Personnel: Security Assistant Break 

Timeframe: Twenty minutes, sixteen seconds 

Subject: Unlogged 

Result: 

At twenty minutes, subject became enraged and drew a pistol. With 
the first shot, the plexiglass window shattered and the bullet was 


SCP-545: Liquid Life/Totenkinder 


Item #: SCP-545 
Object Class: Euclid 


Special Containment Procedures: SCP-545 is considered to be 
three individual parts, and thus each part may be stored differently. 


SCP-545-A is to be kept in a two-room, residential containment unit 
at Site 17 furnished to her liking. To date, she has not requested a 
TV, radio, nor any contact with the outside world beyond a walk 
through a park or woods at least once per week, available to her 
upon request. During said excursions she is to be accompanied by a 
team of 4 armed security personnel and at least one researcher 
familiar to her. SCP-545-A is allowed to leave her containment and 
spend time in Level 0 and common areas, provided that she notify 
two Level-2 security personnel ahead of time and is supervised 
during the duration of her leaving her room. SCP-545-A poses no 
immediate threat to any personnel, provided that they are reminded 
not to make assumptions about her strength, speed, or intelligence 
based upon her appearance. 


All samples and bottles of SCP-545-B are to be packaged and 
placed in the appropriate storage unit, under lock. Only authorized 
Level-4 security personnel or higher may be allowed to handle, 
transport, or study SCP-545-B. Drinking SCP-545-B is strictly 
forbidden and punishable by immediate termination, unless under 
testing protocol. All requests to study and test SCP-545-B must be 
submitted at least a week in advance, and approved by a head of 
Site research, if not an O5-level operative. 


SCP-545-A's unit is also to contain a small garden under sunlamps, 
available for her to work in. No poisonous plants are allowed after 
Incident 545-6b. 


SCP-545-C is to be locked in a quad-locked secure storage vault in 


lodged in the faux turbine of SCP-2103, which later required medical 
attention for purposes of further testing. Subsequent shots lodged in 
SCP-2103's outer shell and were later deemed unworthy of removal 
because 'It'd take too long, and besides, they do look cool’. Subject 
was not disciplined largely because SCP-2103 was judged to be 
‘taunting them’. 

Personnel: Agent Schism, attending. 

Timeframe: Nine hours, twenty minutes, twelve seconds 

Subject: You know, | keep looking over this, and can't tell. -Dr. 


Result: 

SCP-2103 was introduced to an ELIZA-type bot installed on one of 
the Foundation laptops, paired with a Vocaloid-style linguistic 
sequencer. The opening phrase was "How are you today?" At 
roughly 1 hour and 48 minutes, both the bot and SCP-2103 
appeared to reach a kind of homeostasis, at which point 
conversation became increasingly esoteric, centered more about 
small textual scraps and flower arrangements. At roughly 7 hours, 
conversation devolved into almost unfathomable blips and scraps of 
text. At the end of the test, attending staff member complained of a 
headache. 

Commentary: Can we NOT do that again? At least with me holding 
the computer? Please? -Agent Schism 


Standard Form For Downvotes 


In order to simplify downvoting for common reasons, and to make it 
feel less personal, | have created: 


SCP Foundation Standardized! Downvote Form 1040-EZ 
| am downvoting your SCP because: (check all that apply) 


[ ] You forgot to spellcheck. 

[ ] You forgot to proofread. 

[ ] You did not read, or decided to ignore "How to Write an SCP." 

[ ] You posted an incomplete SCP to the main site. 

[ ] Your formatting is incorrect. 

[ ] You do not know the difference between its/it's; your/you're; there/ 
their/they're. 

[ ] | am not sure if you know how to write in English. 

[ ] There is a severe deficiency in clinical tone. 

[ ] You appear to have accidentally posted an article intended for the 
Shark Punching Center (SPC). 

[ ] Self-upvotes are bad form; don't do that. 

[ ] If you had posted your idea in the Forum, 20 people would have 
told you not to write it. 

[ ] If you had posted a draft in your sandbox, 20 people would have 
told you not to post it on the main site. 

[ ] Your SCP is too much like SCP-__, and is not written well enough 
to get away with it. 

[] Your SCP is a straight rip-off of __. 

[ ] Your SCP is on the Cliche List, and is not written well enough to 
get away with it. 

[ ] You need to send your D & D monster/artifact/magic item/cursed 
magic item back to the Forgotten Realms. 

[ ] Rape is just not a good SCP topic/effect. 

[ ] Neither is necrophilia. Your SCP should keep me up at night, but 
not because I'm wondering when you'll be arrested. 

[ ] There is no hook. 


Meh. 

It just didn't grab me; sorry about that. 

our -J isn't funny. 

Your -J is really just a bad mainlist SCP. 

Your "Keter" SCP is just dangerous, not interesting. 

[] The Description area doesn't describe your SCP. 

[] If your SCP "appears to be" an X, it should not actually be an X. 
[ ] | had to read half of your SCP before | could figure out what it 
does. 

[ ] | read your entire SCP and still don't even know what it IS. 

[ ] You [REDACTED] part of the containment procedures. 

[ ] You [REDACTED] an entire incident report. Just because 
SCP-087 did it doesn't mean you should. 

[ ] You [REDACTED] your main effect. Just because SCP-231 did it 
(more or less) doesn't mean you should. 

[ ] You [REDACTED] the hook. 

[ ] You [REDACTED] other things in a way that is silly. 

[ ] You keep using the word "memetic.” | do not think it means what 
you think it means. 

[ ] Your SCP compels people to use it for no reason. 

[] Your SCP is justa___ that kills people. 

[] Your SCP is justa__ that makes the user crazy. Or makes them 
crazy and then kills them. 

[ ] Your "real life" SCP is less interesting than the real thing that it is 
based on. 

[ ] Your SCP is a lame attempt to explain: [ ] Katrina [ ] Fukushima [ ] 
Tsunami in Indonesia [ ] (some other real-life disaster) 

[ ] The dialog in the interview log makes all of humanity look like 
complete morons. 

[ ] The lack of common sense by all characters portrayed makes me 
want to light fire to my computer. 

[ ] Your SCP enters a "rage state" and you were not writing about it 
visiting New Jersey. 

[] The story of how your SCP was found is unbelievable. 

[ ] You included writings translated from an ancient language ...that 
somehow still rhyme in English. 

[ ] Please remove: 

— [] the incorrectly-edited title 

—[] the boring test log 

— [] the boring supplemental pages 


Ces es A oe ee 


— [] the non-metric measurements 

— [] the lolFoundation addendum 

—[]the "Tags" that you made up yourself 

—|[] the Telekill reference 

— [] the crosslink to SCP-173/500/682/914 (circle as appropriate) 
—[] the random/excessive references to Clef/Bright/Gears/Rights/ 
Kondraki/(insert other misused "canon" character here) 

—|[] the lame joke about sharks and/or bees 

[ ] Your SCP breaks my suspension of disbelief. Specifically, 
because of: 

— [] Incorrect science 

— [] Technobabble 

—[] Anachronisms 

—[] The combat scene that should have "Yakety Sax" playing in 
the background. 

—[] an Agent finding the SCP: on his doorstep/in a weird little shop/ 
on the beach while vacationing/(insert ridiculous story here). 

— [] Other: 

[] Your SCP has a containment area that is: 

—[] a vastly-oversized cube 

— [|] 2-dimensional 

— [] 6-dimensional 

— [] made of titanium (or other inappropriate materials). 

—|[] excessively specific for no reason 

—[] nonexistent; the SCP is allowed to wander around the site. 
[ ] The containment procedures make no sense, or are completely 
inappropriate to what the object does. 

[ ] Your SCP is only "uncontainable" because you were too lazy to 
think of something. 

[ ] Your humanoid SCP is: 

—[] an "X-Man" or super-villain. 

—|[] just another D & D monster. 

— []abad self-insert/"Mary Sue." 

—[] something really obvious from another medium, in SCP form. 
Slenderman, this means you. 

—|[] using the Foundation like it was a hotel. 

—[] getting what it wants because we wouldn't like it when it's 
angry. 

[ ] Your picture is: 

—[]A hand-drawn "artist's impression" of your SCP. 


— []27MB, and hosted off-site. 

—[] Something another SCP already uses. 

—[] Completely different from what is described in the text. 
—[]A movie still, or some other well-known thing. 

— [] Watermarked. 

— |[] Borked. 

— [] Obviously computer-generated. 

—[] Too photoshopped. 

—[] Not photoshopped enough. 

—[] Not photoshopped at all, but looks photoshopped. 


Staff Notice: Please note, actual use of this form in 
discussion threads will not be tolerated. 


Footnotes 

1. This is a joke, not standard, and should not actually be used in 
the Forums. However, all the reasons listed for downvoting things 
are 100% real. Do not mail this form to the IRS. Do not taunt Happy 
Fun Ball. 


SCP-1000-J: Old Wives' Town 


Item #: SCP-1000-J 
Object Class: Euclid 


Special Containment Procedures: A four (4) kilometer perimeter is 
to be set around SCP-1000-u's town limits. Entry into SCP-1000-J is 
only to be allowed to personnel with a security clearance level of two 
(2) or higher. 


All personnel entering SCP-1000-J are to bring with them one 
square piece of wood measuring ten (10) cm x ten (10) cm x two (2) 
cm. Personnel encountering SCP-1000-u's effects are to lightly tap 
their knuckles on their issued planks. Under no circumstances are 
any mirrors, umbrellas, ladders, felines that could be considered of 
dark hue, video games, or containers of salt to be taken into 
SCP-1000-J. Any personnel with a still-living biological mother are to 
be warned to avoid damaged cement. 


Any area within a five kilometer radius of SCP-1000-J is to be 
evacuated on any date that lies on the thirteenth of a month and a 
Friday. Any clovers with four-leaves sighted within SCP-1000-J are 
to be reported to Dr. . Several preserved limbs of Oryctolagus 
cuniculus are to be kept for handling in emergency situations. 


Upon the birthday of any personnel on-site, [DATA EXPUNGED] 


Description: SCP-1000-J is a small town in Missouri, apparently 
called . The town appears to have been abandoned circa 
1975, possibly due to its anomalous effects. SCP-1000-J manifests 
several effects within its town limits. 


SCP-1000-J causes an apparent increase of probability towards 
misfortune if the following actions are performed: 


¢ Any umbrella, parasol, or similar device is opened in what can 


be considered to be an indoor area (this does not include 
structures that are missing more than 50% of their roofing) 
Any object with the specific purpose of reflection is broken 
Any person walks, crawls, limps, or otherwise moves 
themselves underneath and past any metal, wood, or 
fiberglass rigid ladder or rope ladder 

Any member of the family Felidae with a black or otherwise 
dark fur patterning passes by a person by its own means 
Any hat, bandana, visor, or other form of headgear is placed 
on a bed, hammock, or futon 

Exiting a bed, hammock, or futon from the opposite side of 
entry 

The name is spoken in SCP-1000-J's theater 


SCP-1000-J causes permanent damage to either or both eyes, 
or unexplained permanent blindness if the following actions are 
performed: 


Any air based or BB firearm is used 
Any television set is watched for longer than three hours 
Any stick is used for recreational activity 


SCP-1000-J also causes a number of other effects: 


Self-gratification causes the growth of an abundant amount of 
hair on the palms of the subject (regardless of whether or not 
they used hands). 

Urination in a body of water causes a large amount of dark 
liquid to be released around the subject. 

Making an odd face and keeping it in that position for longer 
than approximately 10 minutes causes the subject to have 
their face stuck in that position. Removal of the subject from 
SCP-1000-u's limits reverses the effect. 

The viewing of any electronic screen closer than 0.35 meters 
for approximately 5 minutes will cause the subject's eyes to 
dislodge themselves from the subject's eye sockets. Removal 
from SCP-1000-u's limits does not reverse the effect. 

The playing of a video or computer game causes the 
immediate decomposition of brain matter. Removal from 
SCP-1000-u's limits does not reverse the effect. 

Participating in any swimming following the ingestion of food 


before a thirty minute wait period is over causes the drowning 
of the subject involved, regardless of assistance by others 
present or shallowness of the water. 
¢ Stepping on a crack measuring more than 2 cm in width ina 
sidewalk or street within SCP-1000-J causes [DATA 
EXPUNGED]. 
All food stuffs dropped from a plate or table onto the floor 
remain sterile for the first five seconds following contact with 
the ground. (See SCP-7800-J for more information on similar 
phenomenon.) 


Addendum 1000-J-A: 


Upon further investigation of SCP-1000-J a corpse was 
found in a local diner, slumped over a dining table. Upon 
the table lay an overturned salt shaker. The corpse had 
slashes to the carotid arteries. The body was later found 
to be completely exsanguinated. Only approximately 

ml of blood was found nearby, only accounting for % of 
the missing blood. 


Researchers, based on the context of the other 
abnormalities, hypothesized that the overturned salt 
shaker was related to the cause of death. 
Experimentation was approved by O5- on / /20 . 


The salt shaker and the salt contained within it were 
examined and found to be mundane. 


Experiment Log 1000-J: 


Experiment 1000-J-1 


Subject: D-49812 

Date: / /20