Item Description: Dollar bills-ranging from $1 to $20-that scream 
loudly when placed next to foreign currency. 

Date of Recovery: - -19 

Location of Recovery: Bank, 7 

Current Status: Shredded in paper shredder; strips showed no 
anomalous properties. 


Item Description: A snow globe containing an 11-second time loop 
of a snowman murdering a bystander with an axe. 

Date of Recovery: 12-25-20 

Location of Recovery: Ski Resort, , USA 

Current Status: On Research Assistant Goldsheiner's desk, for 
aesthetic purposes. 


Item Description: A -brand bobblehead that, when bobbled, 
causes the user's head to bobble with it. Can create neck injuries if 
bobbled too hard. 

Date of Recovery: - -19 

Location of Recovery: Seattle, Washington 

Current Status: On Dr. Roget's office desk In Dr. Roget's office 
safe. 


Item Description: An early 19th century cannon of Russian 
manufacture. Cannon will prime, load and fire blanks (with no visible 


source of powder) if the finale of Tchaikovsky's 1872 Overture is 
played within audible range of the artillery piece. The timing of the 
shots is slightly off and inconsistent with the music. 

Date of Recovery: - - 

Location of Recovery: Napoleonic Wars exhibit, Museum, 


Current Status: Maintained as a lawn ornament in the staff garden 
at Site 12. Tchaikovsky's 1872 Overture added to Site Blacklist of 
restricted materials. 


Item Description: A glass dinner plate, 11 inches across. When 
organic material is placed on the plate, it begins to secrete digestive 
enzymes (mainly proteases and cellulases) which produce foul- 
tasting waste products and an unpleasant appearance in food. 

Date of Recovery: - -20 

Location of Recovery: Site 19 cafeteria, discovered by Junior 
Researcher , who initially believed the kitchen staff were 
attempting to poison him. 

Current Status: Currently under investigation by Dr. 


Item Description: A white coffee mug that, at 3:00 AM local time, 
will replace all fruit juices in its interior with grapefruit juice. 


Date of Recovery: - -20 

Location of Recovery: , Minnesota 

Current Status: In the possession of Research Assistant Jacobs. In 
storage. 


Notes: Effect has consistently failed to manifest after RA Jacobs 
filled the item with grapefruit juice nineteen days after recovery. 


Item Description: A pair of cordless headphones that constantly 
play songs by The Beatles despite the lack of a music or energy 
source. 

Date of Recovery: - - 

Location of Recovery: concert, California, United States 
Current Status: In storage. 


Item Description: A ballpoint pen. Decimal points in numbers 
written with the pen will periodically move for the next 314 days. 
Date of Recovery: 11-03-20 

Location of Recovery: Accounting department at Site-11. 

Current Status: Stored in Low-Value Item Wing of Storage Site-23. 


Item Description: A computer file with the name "~DFFF1C.tmp". 
The file has a negative filesize of -2 bytes; its presence on a storage 
medium increases the space available. Copies of the file retain this 
property, but editing the file changes its size to 0 bytes. 

Date of Recovery: 05-21-20 

Location of Recovery: Dr. ‘s home computer 

Current Status: Storedin Dr. 's computer, with several backups 
on portable media. 


Item Description: A three-sided die; no matter how it is observed, 
subjects will report that it definitely has three sides, despite this 
being physically impossible. 


Date of Recovery: - -20 
Location of Recovery: A tabletop gaming convention in 
[REDACTED]. 


Current Status: Sliced in half, yielded two one-sided dice. 


Item Description: An adjustable-height stainless steel floor fan of 
unknown make and manufacture. The fan will only function when 
exposed to music written by an artist or artists that no persons within 
hearing range have knowledge of. 

Date of Recovery: - -1997 

Location of Recovery: Jacksonville, Florida 

Current Status: In storage. 


Item Description: A pound cake that emits the sound of a young 
girl laughing when being cut. 

Date of Recovery: - -2012 

Location of Recovery: —'s Bakery Shop in Wyoming 

Current Status: Kept in cold storage at Site-17 


Item Description: A slate sculpture of a human hand and a section 
of forearm, standing approximately 0.5m tall and weighing 50kg. The 
object's orientation cannot be changed and acts as a perfect 
compass - the thumb always points due magnetic north. 

Date of Recovery: - -2012 

Location of Recovery: Raid on a Marshall, Carter & Dark Ltd. 
warehouse in London, UK. 

Current Status: Staff gardens at Sector-25. 

Notes: Accompanying recovered documentation indicates that 
MC&D was having difficulty finding a buyer for the object. 


Item Description: A 235-kg -brand moped. When traveling at 
speeds in excess of 30 km/h, it displays inertial qualities consistent 
with an object of significantly higher mass, generally between 350 
and 600 kg, depending on speed. 

Date of Recovery: - -1999 

Location of Recovery: , Germany 

Current Status: In storage 


Item Description: A large whiteboard. Should a subject write a 
problem on the white board, it will immediately begin to form a chart 
organizing the information pertinent to that problem. The object will 
then form connections between the information and attempt to come 
up with a solution. However, it will also write comments regarding 
the subject's intellect and physical appearance. These are almost 
always derogatory. 

Date of Recovery: - - 

Location of Recovery: , Texas 

Current Status: In storage. 


Item Description: A Nokia 1208 cell phone with exactly 2 bars of 
reception at all times, regardless of location, situation, or condition of 
the phone. Other functions do not differ from normal cell phones. 
Date of Recovery: - - 

Location of Recovery: village, Astrakhan district, found in 
possession of [DATA REDACTED] 

Current Status: In storage. 


Item Description: A purple stress ball that when squeezed causes 
the person to become contemplative about their recent successes 
and failures in life. 

Date of Recovery: - - 

Location of Recovery: In the office drawer of a psychiatrist by the 
name of Dr.P Laymond. 

Current Status: Torn to shreds by a loose pet corgi. Reconstruction 
is under consideration. 

Notes: Is this thing even necessary? Why did we even take it in the 
first place? Why did Rachel dump me last night? WHY??? — Agent 
R 


Item Description: A Basset Hound capable of limited human-like 
speech - only vocalization is the word "dude", in various accents and 


tones of voice. 

Date of Recovery: - - 

Location of Recovery: __, California 
Current Status: Held in Site 33 kennels. 


Item Description: A skee-ball arcade game dating to the late 
1930s. Whenever 850 or more points are scored in a single frame, 
the ticket dispenser releases that number of live cockroaches. 
Date of Recovery: - -1943 

Location of Recovery: & Sons Games, Coney Island, New 
York 

Current Status: In containment. 


Item Description: A key that can unlock the door to any empty, 
unmonitored room, but with the side effect of a skeleton of a random 
small mammal appearing inside the room and falling out the door as 
it is opened. 

Date of Recovery: - -2006 

Location of Recovery: , London 

Current Status: In containment. 


Item Description: A treadmill that will suddenly increase the speed 
to the maximum (15km/h) whenever stopped before the pre- 
programmed session is over. Unplugging the machine gave the 
same result. 

Date of Recovery: - -2012 

Location of Recovery: Health Center, Seoul, Korea 
Current Status: On - -2012 object was found to be broken, and it 
was revealed that many agents had used it for exercise since its 
containment. After the repair, object did not display anomalous 
properties any longer, and thus relocated to Foundation health 
center. 


Item Description: A generic baseball cap that can only be worn 
‘properly’. Any attempts to wear it sideways or backwards cause it to 
forcibly remove itself from the wearer's head. 

Date of Recovery: - -20 

Location of Recovery: , New York 

Current Status: In storage. 


Item Description: A single copy of the book The Principles of 


cell and terminated via asphyxiation, which took 
approximately twenty minutes. No autopsy was 
performed on Knight due to examiner's inability to pierce 
his skin with medical instruments. 


Upon reaching SCP-896’s containment cell, Warlock told 
Berserker to open the cell. Berserker was able to rip the 
Foundation security door off its hinges before dying. 
Autopsies indicate the force required to remove the 
Foundation security door shattered bones in his body, 
and snapped his spine in three places. Although 
Berserker was able to generate enough force to 
accomplish this feat, his body could not handle the 
door’s weight or the effect of Newton’s third law. 


Warlock entered SCP-896’s containment and proceeded 
to access the game. It took approximately seven minutes 
for him to decipher SCP-896’s source code and edit the 
hexadecimal code containing his character’s statistics. 
Upon editing his stats to the maximum value allowed, 
Warlock vanished from containment. To this date, 
Warlock or his remains have not been found. Upon 
reviewing Warlock’s account information contained on 
SCP-896, researchers discovered a customer service 
notation simply stating “User has been banned for 
hacking.” 


Cleric has escaped containment, and his whereabouts 
are unknown at this time. Cleric is most likely responsible 
for the breach as the other subjects lacked the 
necessary ambition or planning to attempt this sort of 
escape. Researcher is also missing. It is believed 
during the distraction caused the containment breach, 
Cleric gained access to SCP- with the help of 
Researcher and used SCP- to escape. 


Test Log SCP-896-B: 

Dr. ,alevel 3 researcher, was conservatively using SCP-896 to 
augment his abilities. Dr. | was increasing his stats uniformly to 
avoid any negative effects. Dr. | was 53 years old and in good 
health, and his strength and IQ had increased 7% since beginning 


Knitting. When the chapter detailing various problems encountered 
while knitting is read, the user experiences these problems the next 
time they attempt to knit. Problems extend to types of knitting not 
otherwise possible in three dimensions, leading to widespread 
tangling. 

Date of Recovery: - -2012 

Location of Recovery: Baltimore, MD, USA 

Current Status: In storage. 


Item Description: A shipment of 350 pre-packaged loaves of sliced 
potato bread consisting only of end slices. Viewing the bread causes 
disorientation and vestibular dysfunction. 

Date of Recovery: - -2010 

Location of Recovery: Salt Lake City, UT, USA 

Current Status: Shredded during containment breach. Shreds only 
caused slight ringing in ears in 11% of test subjects. Remains in 
storage. 


Item Description: A VHS recording of the 1992 vice-presidential 
debates, in which Vice President Dan Quayle appears to have been 
replaced with a brown quail (Coturnix ypsilophora), which displays 
normal avian behavior on the recording. Behavior of the other 
subjects on the tape is unaltered. Forensic video analysis has not 
revealed any evidence of editing. 

Date of Recovery: 11-17-2012 

Location of Recovery: Ft. Lauderdale, Florida 

Current Status: In Dr.Q _ 's office. 


Item Description: A yellow "rubber ducky" bath toy. When a subject 
explains in detail a practical problem to the item as though it were a 
living anthropomorphic duck, they will feel that they have a better 
understanding of said problem, and are often immediately able to 
come up with a solution. 

Date of Recovery: - -199 

Location of Recovery: , CA, USA. 

Current Status: In display at Site-17's Office Block, for use by all 
personnel. 


Item Description: A swan goose (Anser cygnoides) which 
extinguishes fires around it in a radius of 32.444 meters. Effect 
expands to 101 meters on the night of the first quarter moon. 


Date of Recovery: - - 
Location of Recovery: Altai, Mongolia 
Current Status: In animal containment. 


Item Description: A hardcover book that, when read, makes 
everything a person touches feel like a certain designated texture, 
depending on the page read. 

Date of Recovery: - - 

Location of Recovery: Cartersville, Georgia 

Current Status: In the desk of Dr. Raye. 

Note - | like the fluffy kitten page. - Dr. Raye 


Item Description: Ten (10) glass sculptures of Queen Angelfish 
(Holacanthus ciliaris) that animate when placed in water. Sculptures 
require all the needs of a regular fish, except oxygen. 

Date of Recovery: - - 

Location of Recovery: , lreland 

Current Status: Kept in the aquarium in the 2nd floor break room at 
Site-17. 


Item Description: A china statuette of British cartoon characters 
Wallace and Gromit that, upon observation, causes the observer to 
have a mild craving for cheese. 

Date of Recovery: - - 

Location of Recovery: Recovered with SCP-  inaraidona 
Marshall, Carter and Dark auction. 

Current Status: In storage. 


Item Description: A set of chess pieces carved from white and pink 
marble. When used to play a game (rather than normal handling), 
the pieces transform into humanoid figures in the shapes of 
individuals important to the players. The king's knight is always in 
the shape of the player, regardless of gender. 

Date of Recovery: 04-26-19 

Location of Recovery: Found abandoned on a public chessboard 
in Central Park, New York City, NY, USA. 

Current Status: In storage. 


Item Description: 32 printed copies of John Cage's 4'33”. When 
performed by any number of musicians, the sound of a euphonium 
practicing various atonal music pieces can be heard softly 


emanating from each copy. 


Date of Recovery: - -20 
Location of Recovery: Band room of High School, located in 
Oahu, HI. 


Current Status: In storage. 


Item Description: A replica of a human skull made out of gelatin. 
Item has not been shown to decay as per standard gelatin. Item 
plays music every October 31st. All music has been confirmed to be 


identical to that played by the band at their annual concert 
at the Zoo. 

Date of Recovery: - - 11 

Location of Recovery: Zoo Amphitheater. 


Current Status: On the desk of Dr. 
Notes: | would feel a little bad about this, but the concert is free 
anyway. -Dr. 


Aitem Deskripshun: A dikshunnarree that alturs ennee tekst 
deskraibing it too rezembul the langwej's fonetik form, tho nawt in 
ennee rekognaizd format. 

Dayt uv Rekuvurree: - -20 

Lokayshun uv Rekuvurree: Shikago, Illinoy, Yoo-Es-Ay 
Kurrent Status: In a standurd kontaynment lokkur at Sait-59. 


Item Description: A bronze statue of a mermaid. Causes 
kleptomaniacal compulsions in mammalian subjects continually 
exposed to it. 

Date of Recovery: 06-30-1967 

Location of Recovery: ; 

Current Status: Replaced with a replica. Original in storage. 


Beskrivning av foremal: 


Item Description: The word [REDACTED], a 9-letter imaginary 
word which is defined as "the opposite of a sieve." The definition is 
known as soon as the word is read or heard. Only one written 
instance of the word exists at any given time; the previous instance 
is erased when the new instance is written, although the word 
transfers at roughly 1808 km/s. The word reportedly feels natural 
and fluid to pronounce, and so may potentially be easy for unknown 
independent parties to create and write down. It is otherwise 


mundane. 

Date of Recovery: - -20 

Location of Recovery: Word Generation And Verification 
Subroutines, Site-18 Data Banks 

Current Status: Written on a piece of paper stored at Site-19. In the 
event that an unknown independent party writes the word, one of 
several researchers will be on call to write the word down again.