But Research was specific. That Zank guy in particular. Has to be 
these two, he said. It's always these two. 


Zeke was trying to stay stoic, but the weight of the backpack was 
really starting to get to him. "Here, swap out with me," Matthew said. 


Zeke didn't even feign protest, gingerly slipping the straps off and 
passing it to Matthew, who traded him his own pack with mere 
incidentals like food and equipment. They were near the final hill. 


Peaking the hill, Matthew and Zeke saw two sights that were 
somewhat unusual, even for this last day of the bizarre closing act of 
human history. Hovering in the air next to a swingset, about twenty 
meters off the ground, was what was, unmistakably, a spiky purple 
rubber ball. 


Directly underneath the ball was a teenage boy, poking at what 
appeared to be a small Kindle Fire. Matthew hadn't seen one of 
those in years, at least not one of the civilian kind. They approached 
the sitting form. 


Standing less than a meter away, Zeke cleared his throat. 


"Shh shh shh shh shh shh shh," the teenager said. "Shut the fuck up 
for a minute. Don't say shit to me right now, dude. I'm about to get 
this shit." 


Filthy, smelling like God knows what, tired to death, Zeke and 
Matthew both sat down in front of the teenage boy as he poked at 
the tablet. Zeke looked at his watch and mouthed to Matthew. Forty- 
five minutes, he said. 


Matthew looked at the tablet. The kid was poking at something on 
the left side of the screen, then dropping that thing off in the middle 
of the screen, where it started shooting at little forms marching in 
from the right side of the screen. The people on the right side of the 
screen were gaining ground slowly, and judging from the little sound 
effects, eating their way through the things the kid was dropping off. 
But the things kept shooting, and the stream of forms coming in from 
the right slowed down. Then the kid hit one thing on the left and 
dropped it right on the forms on the right, and they seemed to blow 
up into dust. A trophy emerged on the screen, the kid tapped on it, 
and the screen went white. 


"FUCK YES," the teenager yelled to the heavens. 
"WHOOOOQOOOO0O0O0O00"" He flipped the cover back onto the 
tablet, pushed the power button, and set it off to the side. 


"Sorry, finally beat that thing,” he said. "Been playing it for most of 
the time I've been sitting here. You guys are slow as shit." 


Zeke was too grateful to be sitting down to be pissed. "Well, how 
long have you been sitting here?" 


The teenager shrugged. "I quit counting after the third year or so. 
And I'm pretty sure they canceled time last month anyway, so it 
doesn't really matter." 


Matthew nodded. "So are you, uh...are you our spirit guide or 
something?" 


"Something like that, | guess," the teenager said. "I'm Tyler, | lived in 
this town for years, | ascended to a higher plane of consciousness 
thanks to some aliens who blew up part of the elementary school, 
then | got spit back when they gave up on this universe. That was 
2017 or so, | think. You know anything that happened around that 
time that scared them off?" 


Zeke looked at Matthew. "Yeah, sort of. You know how dangerous 
people are kept in prisons?" 


"Kind of," Tyler said. "I think | remember hearing about those when | 
was human the last time. Why, did something break out?" 


"Kind of," Matthew said. "Everything broke out. A couple things at 
first, then some attacks from some other groups, then a war, then 
some more things, then some more attacks, then another war, then 
everything blew up. Most of the species is dead. But we're going to 
fix it, we think? | dunno. | think you're involved somehow." 


"Oh yeah," Tyler said. "Xyank told me all about it." 

"Of fucking course he did," Zeke muttered. 

"This is the spot right here," Tyler said. "Set up the Scranton anchor, 
point it right at that house — " he pointed at a house across the 


street "— and fire it up. It'll connect with the others within the hour." 


"Dude, we don't have that kind of time. The window's going to close 


"There's no window," Tyler said, cutting Zeke off. "Xyank just told 
you there was to motivate you to move faster. Not everything he 
says is strictly...true, so to speak. He's very liberal with what he 
says to get what he wants." 


"That's comforting," Matthew said. 


"Eh, who gives a shit," Tyler said. "What are you gonna do, leave 
this world like it is? May as well do what has to be done already." 


Zeke shrugged. Matthew shrugged. Tyler shrugged. The three of 
them began assembling the Scranton anchor. 


Kk 


Zeke punched in a four-digit code into the keypad, then the pound 
key. Matthew punched in another and hit the star key. Green lights, 
whirring. 


"Did we just fucking do it?" Zeke asked. 
"| think we just fucking did it, man," Matthew said, looking at Zeke. 


"Aw, shit," Zeke said, then grabbed Matthew around the shoulders 
and kissed him. The two made muffled sounds for a few seconds. 


"That's sweet as hell," Tyler said. "That's a good way to go out." 


The kissing slowed, slowed, stopped, separated. Both men looked 
at Tyler. 


"What the fuck do you mean, 'go out'?" Zeke asked. 


"He just means, like, before the thing resets or whatever and we go 
back to our regular universe. Before the big reset, when we go out 
and go back to like it was before. Right?" Matthew said, looking at 
Tyler, his heart sinking. 


Tyler continued to look at the two men, lips pursed, then he burst out 
laughing. "Oh, shit, Xyank really fucked you two, huh? Is that what 
they told you this was about?" 


The Scranton anchor began rattling, then smoke came out of it. A 
high pitched whirring sound grew louder, louder, louder still, then all 
the lights on the Scranton anchor died. The central ball opened and 
retracted. Nothing seemed different. 


Zeke looked at the anchor, walked around to the other side. "What 
the fuck is th —" 


An otherworldly screech, then a dull, multicolored blast streamed out 
of the middle of the Scranton anchor, right at Zeke's chest. It started 
out narrow, like a firehose stream, but then it widened to three 
meters wide suddenly and blew Zeke down the hill into the road. 
Zeke was slammed into the asphalt, Matthew seeing his back and 
then the back of his head flattened out against the black street. 
Matthew saw the blood spurting out of the back of Zeke's head 
before the stream covered him up completely. 


Matthew turned to Tyler. "What the fuck is this?" he said. 
"What?" Tyler yelled over the roaring sound of the stream. 
"What the fuck is this?!" Matthew repeated, louder. 

"It's the fucking end, dude!" Tyler yelled. 

"| thought we were fixing this!" Matthew yelled. 


"There's no fix, dumbass," Tyler replied. "The damage is too deep 
now. There isn't always a way to save things. You gotta just pick 
how you go out. Planetary euthanasia. Overwatch picked this one." 


Matthew turned back to the stream. A dull color was spreading out 
across the ground. Matthew noticed some movement from the 
landing spot. The stream was alive, made up of something that was 
crawling away from the point of impact. The living things were 
bouncing off one another and plopping into the grassy ditch on 
either side, crawling over one another. 


Some of the creatures were meandering up the hill. Matthew saw 
more clearly once they got closer. 


"What the fuck...kittens?" 


"Yeah, kittens," Tyler said, the roar continuing. "Whole universe full 
of nothing but kittens. Immortal, self-sustaining kittens. We're gonna 
drown in them. They don't eat, they don't need to feed, they don't do 
anything but meow. Even in complete vacuum, they just meow and 
crawl over one another. Enough kittens to immobilize a perpetually- 
healing dragon. Enough kittens to put out a lethal star. Enough 
kittens to choke the Devourer of Worlds in fur and purring. We die, 
they either die or spend eternity in feline hell. | guess it's revenge?" 


Matthew just stared as the stream widened more. "How much bigger 
is this gonna get?" 


Tyler shrugged. "Everywhere you put out Scranton anchors? They're 
all doing the exact same thing. All the rips are gonna link together, 
tear together, form one big one. A three thousand mile wide 
episiotomy straight to the kittenverse. Xyank even had a formula for 
the...oh, what the fuck did he call it? 'Felidae gradient’? The planet'll 
be kittens all the way up and down, from Ciudad de Marianas clear 
to the Lagrange points, in less than a day. And then the kittens'll 
keep going, out to space, out of the solar system, out to the Oort 
Bakery. | hope the furry fuckers like cake." 


Matthew had no capacity for surprise anymore. "When will they link 
up?" 


"| told you, dude. Less than an hour. | give it probably half that, 
judging from the stream." 


Matthew half-sat, half-collapsed to the ground. Tyler sat beside him. 


"Xyank told us we were special. Told us we always did this, in all the 
other universes. It was always us two that went out to stop the 
apocalypse. We always saved the world." 


"Xyank may have been full of shit, or he may have just phrased 
things differently than you remember," Tyler said. "I saw some 
things in other universes when | was...something other than human. 
| saw you guys do your thing. He wasn't completely off. Whenever 
the world was ending, you guys were always there. But I'm pretty 
sure it always ended this way. One of you dead, the other one 
watching. It's not a happy story." 


A kitten strolled up the hill towards Matthew's feet. He thought about 
stomping the little white fuzzball, then thought better. Not like it's his 
fault, Matthew thought, rubbing his head. 


"| think | should name it," Matthew said suddenly. 


"Please don't name it Zeke," Tyler said immediately. "Don't make my 
last action be punching you in the balls, which is what | think Zeke 
would want me to do." 


"You didn't know him," Matthew said. 


"| did not," Tyler admitted. "Either way, something more creative 
than that." 


Matthew turned to his backpack, rustled up a black Sharpie marker. 
The stream of kittens flowing into the street widened a little further, 
began to buckle. Only a couple of minutes left, Matthew thought. He 
grabbed the kitten and carefully wrote something on its forehead, 
then chucked the kitten into the growing pile down the hill. 


Tyler looked. "You made a decision?" 


Matthew nodded. "| named it ‘Centralia Bound." | hope the balrog 
chokes on him first." 


They sat in silence until the world roared and went black. 


Stormmaster 


He was a dark and stormy knight. Stormmaster, as no one but he 
called himself. Today was the day of the Grand Melee, which meant 
today was the day Stormmaster would make his name known. He 
donned his navy blue armor and polished his Aquarius, before 
catching a Road to the town square. 


The Colossos towered over the thousands of warriors below. The 
releasement of its barrier and the clearing of its Road marked the 
opening of the tournament. Stormmaster would have one hour to 
prepare before he entered the fight of his life. He exchanged 
pleasantries with other knights whom he knew by name and 
examined those whom he did not. The top fighters were notably 
absent from the initial stream of contestants, which was most likely 
to prevent them from getting swarmed. They were undoubtedly 
already inside the Colossos, preparing to compete. 


Stormmaster was worried less about the small number of elites and 
more about any potential wildcards that he could encounter. He 
could hold his own against someone like Ursa, but a direct counter 
to him would end any hope he had of winning the tourney. He took 
his place in the hub of the Colossos, almost twitching with 
anticipation. Upon the third bell toll, the Grand Melee would begin. 
He readied himself, praying to his Aquarius to give him strength. 


The first bell toll. He could feel his skin bristling with mana. The 
interior shielding of the Colossos was about to disengage, and he 
had to act fast if he wanted to come out ahead. 


The second bell toll. He glanced around, knowing that, in 
participating in the Grand Melee, he risked death or even capture. 
Anyone standing next to him could be his end. 


The third bell toll. He felt a moment of nausea but quickly recovered. 
After blinking several times, his vision cleared. 


He was standing on a grassy hill off to the side of a plain. 
Stormmaster was grateful for the high ground, even if it put him out 
in the open. In the distance, he could see Ursa Major forming a 
protective seal around Ursa Minor, but he quickly brought his focus 
back to himself. He had to concentrate if he was going to get this 
right. 


Taking deep breaths, Stormmaster summoned every ounce of his 
being into his body. He found the faintest scratch in the membrane 
and began to pour millions of gallons into breaking it open. Just 
when it seemed like he had wasted his mana, the smallest tear 
opened in the sky. He watched as a single raindrop fell on his visor. 
Ecstatic, he felt a light misting descend on the battlefield. This was 
more successful than he could ever have hoped for. As the ceiling 
began to darken ever so slightly, Stormmaster ran down the hillside 
to find cover. 


A shrill cry brought Stormmaster’s attention to the plateau in the 
distance, and he climbed up a tree to safely observe. His heart froze 
when he saw the cause of the scream. Chrysalis, the warlock, had 
made her return to the Grand Melee. Stormmaster had only heard 
stories, legends of Chrysalis, but never in his life did he think he 
would ever meet her. Petrified, he watched as hundreds of fighters 
froze in a translucent crystal and began to orbit around a glowing 
sphere, which got bigger and brighter with every passing second. He 
practically fell out of the tree as he fled away from the plateau. 


Stormmaster found a cave in which he could stay hidden from the 
disastrous conflict that was occurring on the plains. The rain was a 
light drizzle now, and the cave acted as a natural funnel which he 
used to fill up his leather pouch. If he wanted to maintain the 
downpour, he would have to rehydrate himself. He drank as he 
watched Ursa Major get torn apart by the ferocious storm of crystals. 
While Ursa Major had size, Chrysalis had firepower. It wasn't long 
before Ursa Major began to break apart, as crystals had grown in 
the deep gouges left in the ethereal skin, pushing them even farther 
apart. He watched as Ursa Major was destroyed and Ursa Minor 
was added to the unending storm surrounding Chrysalis. 


A heavy rain started to fall, and Stormmaster thought he might have 
heard some thunder, but he was too focused on staying hidden. 


Chrysalis was bright enough to be seen from any point on the 
battlefield, and he doubted if more than a hundred people remained. 
She never killed anyone, only captured and ransomed any fighters 
back to the families who were able to pay. If someone like him was 
captured, he doubted he’d have anyone who would pay to get him 
back. He watched as all the elites were taken down one by one, all 
of them being frozen solid and swept up by the incessant storm of 
crystal. His stomach started to hurt, but he kept on drinking. 


Lightning struck in the battlefield. Stormmaster was having trouble 
keeping water down, but his storm had built up to the point where 
the sky was almost pitch black and the rain was a heavy downpour. 
This was his moment, any second now he would get a chance to 
defeat Chrysalis.