Egh. It's fibrous. Finally managed to get it off in the most 
unprofessional manner possible. 


[Irrelevant data, including an examination of the subject's 
abdominal organs, has been excised.] 


Dr. Scott: Okay, that's that. [Dr. Scott sighs] Dr. Adler 
hypothesized that there may be anomalies in the 
sinuses. | guess there's only one way to find out. I've 
only done this on training cadavers back in med school. 
Need to cut open the skin... and break the bone. | hate 
the sound of that, because | always associate it with 
something having gone horribly, irreversibly wrong. 


I've exposed the bone to the air... the sinus should be 
under here. Just need to break it open and... 


Oh my god. What the fuck. What the fuck what the fuck 
what the— 


[Screaming, followed by the sound of the recording 
microphone hitting the floor, and Dr. Scott tripping the 
biohazard alarm.] 


Afterword: A large amount of [REDACTED] had 
emerged from the subject's sinus cavity when opened, 
and proceeded to cover the room. Dr. Scott was 
recovered from the room, suffering minor bruises as a 
result of being cut down from the [REDACTED], but was 
otherwise physically unharmed. 


Excerpt from the Audio Diary of Edgar Park: 


Park: It is January 1st, 2010. Happy New Year. 


I'm looking back on the case over the past year. We've 
managed to catch one perp, and we're in the off season. 
If this were a normal FBI task force, we'd be disbanded, 
hailed as heroes. But that's not gonna happen any time 
soon. 


This isn't the first time the FBI's had to deal with a 
paranormal serial killer. There was speculation that the 
original Binder killings were anomalous, but the Unit 
wasn't brought on in any official capacity. Before the 
Binder, there was the Smiler. He was called that 
because every single of of his victims died with a smile 
on their face, and their bodies were shown to be full of 
dopamine and endorphins upon death. They... died of 
happiness. That's the only way that we could describe it. 
Operated in the Midwest. 


The Smiler's spree lasted for only six years, but in that 
time, he killed nineteen and left seven more with 
permanent brain damage. We're still not sure how he did 
it, something to do with a brain tumor and air currents. 
Agent Clyde Zhang — he used to be in the Cincinnati 
division — ended up shooting him in the middle of 
Chicago, after he got the entire goddamn city to start 
laughing. We don't know how he got that powerful, but 
after Zhang put an entire clip into his chest... he got 
booted to desk work. Saved millions of people, and that's 
the thanks he gets. 


[Park pauses for several seconds] 


My resolution: don't end up like Clyde. Park out. 


Person of Interest: Melissa Portman: 


Foreword: Melissa Portman (b. 1979) was one of the 
Binder's last victims, and the sole surviving victim. 
Portman was abducted from her home near Salem, 
Massachusetts in early June of 1999, and injected with 
an unknown amount of pancuronium bromide’, the intent 


of which was to render her conscious but unable to 
move. However, Portman had recently been injected with 
atropine sulfate to treat mushroom poisoning, which 
acted as a partial antidote to the pancuronium; Portman 
describes the drug as having fully worn off "seconds 
before they stopped". 


After being placed in the trunk of a red sedan of 
unknown make, Portman was transported to near the 
New Hampshire border. As the individual removed 
Portman from the trunk of their car and began applying 
bindings to her hands, she headbutted her attacker. 
Portman then sprinted southwards for .8 km, through 
uneven terrain, and came upon a member of the 
Massachusetts State Police, who escorted her to safety. 


Upon arrival at a nearby hospital, Portman was found to 
be physically well, but had several spider bites upon her 
person, as well as a dead spider of the Latrodectus 
genus in their hair, which they could not account for. 


In May 2010, following the commencement of the 
SCP-3256 killing season, Agent Stella Abbey made 
contact with Portman, who had since moved to 
Minnesota. 


Agent Abbey: Okay, beginning recording. It is 4:00 in 
the afternoon on Tuesday, May 18th. | am in the ass-end 
of Nowhere, Minnesota, and the nearest airport is over 
the Canadian border. Portman really doesn't want to be 
found. 


She's coming out of her house. (Sounds of rustling and 
rummaging, and the car door opening and shutting) 
Excuse me, Miss Portman? Agent Stella Abbey, FBI. I— 


Portman: Have you caught him? 


Abbey: Pardon? 


Portman: Did you catch the son of a bitch who stuck me 
in the back of his car? The one who was going to 
[REDACTED] me? 


Abbey: Uh. No, but that's what I'm here to— 
Portman: Go fuck yourself. 


Abbey: Miss Portman, please, we have new details in 
the case and would appreciate your cooperation— 


Portman: Am | under arrest? 
Abbey: Um. No? 


Portman: If I'm not under arrest, then | don't have to tell 
you anything. Now move your fucking car. (Sneezes 
loudly) I'm going to the damn doctor. Move. 


Abbey: But— 
Portman: Either arrest me or move. 
Abbey: [Sighs] Fine. One sec. 


[Abbey is heard moving back into her car, pausing briefly 
to turn on the car.] 


Abbey: Wish my fucking camera worked. But... just like 
to state for the record? Portman's rooting around in her 

nose. |'m blown, but I'm going to advise the local PD to 

put a tail on her. 


| know that it's not supposed to affect women, but... 
something's not right here. My car's out of her driveway. 


[Extraneous recording regarding Abbey contacting the 
nearest police department to tail Portman's vehicle have 
been excised.] 


Abbey: Okay. God, | miss working Usher.19 So much 
easier to deal with abnormies than normies. 


| don't have probable cause, so legally, | can't break in. 
But, | can do other things. [Abbey exits the car again.] It's 
trash day, so I'm gonna go through the cans. Hold on. 


[The next several minutes are composed of sounds of 
grunting and rustling plastic as Abbey searches through 
trash cans. The sounds pause, and rapid footsteps are 
heard, followed by Abbey returning to her vehicle.] 


Abbey: Okay, so. Uh. Portman looked sick, going to the 
doctor. | found some tissues in her trash can. I-| bagged 
some and they are all filled with spiderwebs what the 
fuck. 


Postscript: Abbey returned to WEBCUTTER 
headquarters without incident, bearing the tissues as 
evidence. Tissues were found to contain large amounts 
of spider silk, with traces of human mucous. 


Melissa Portman's vehicle was found abandoned 16km 
away from her house. Portman herself was found a week 
later, having suffocated on spider silk. An autopsy 
concluded that Portman's death was a suicide. 


Excerpt from Audio Diary of Edgar Park: 


Park: It's Friday, May 21st, 2010. This is my forty-fourth 
entry in this diary. 


We're pretty fucking spooked. One of the Foundation's 
guys, Bloom, has been analyzing the meme more 
carefully. She's taken care, considering that... well, 
considering Portman somehow got canned by it. Christ. 


Sole survivor of the whole thing, and she... fucking kills 
herself with goddamn spider silk! How?! How does that 
even work? She was sneezing the shit, too. Like. What. 


We found out that Portman... her neighborhood was 
pretty abandoned. Everyone moved away because. Well, 


animals kept vanishing— cats, dogs, rabbits. There were 
telephone poles there painted with staples from all of the 
missing animal posters that went up over the past few 
years. 


They're going to do their autopsy tomorrow. This whole 
thing is freaky, and the tox screen they did— she was full 
of [REDACTED]. | looked that up, and there's none of 
those in the US! How?! 


I. | can't. Park out. 


Autopsy Report of Melissa Portman: 


Deceased: Melissa Portman DOB: 3/21/1979 DOD: 
5/5/2010 


Address: [REDACTED] State: MN Zip: [REDACTED] 
Age: 31 Sex: F 


Race: Caucasian 


Height: 162cm Weight: 122kg Hair Color: Brown Eye 
Color: Blue Build: Obese 


Scars and Amputations: N/A 


Description of Decedent's Clothing: Red long-sleeved 
T-Shirt, blood and mucus stains on right cuff; blue denim 
jeans, size 45; undergarments [REDACTED]. 


Manner: Suicide 


Cause: Suffocation by introduction of [REDACTED] to 
trachea. Envenomation. 


Dr. Adler: Run it again. 


Dr. Scott: | ran the tox screen through three different 
labs. 


Dr. Adler: Well, run them through the lab we have here! 
Their system is saturated with [REDACTED], which is 
completely fucking impossible— she's never been to 
Australia, and that [REDACTED] isn't in any zoo or pet 
shop in Minnesota. 


Dr. Scott: Maybe it's something else? Like— hold on. 
Open the inside of her mouth. 


Dr. Adler: We've already inspected her— what are you 
doing? 


[At this point, Dr. Scott is heard straining as she attempts 
to pull out Portman's left upper cuspid. It comes loose, 
and Dr. Scott brings it underneath a microscope to 
analyze it.] 


Dr. Adler: What are you doing? 


Dr Scott: Come over here and look at this. Does that 
look like human dental structure to you? Does it even 
look like a tooth? 


Dr. Adler: My god, what the hell? [Dr. Adler pauses] It 
looks... no, it can't be. 


Dr. Scott: It fits. The M.O., the presence of 
[REDACTED] at the crime scenes and in the bodies, and 
all of the weird shit that's happened with both this body 
and Planter's. I— | think that she's just more complete 
than him and Kingsmith. | think that whatever this meme 
is imprints the biology of a [REDACTED] onto a human, 
and... 


Dr. Adler: And rewrites the body? The DNA is 
conclusively human, for both her and Planter. But.... it 
does make sense, to a degree. 


[There is a long pause on the recording. Dr. Scott, at this 
point, had turned around to face the body of Melissa 
Portman. She screams. ] 


Interview SCP-418/3 


Interviewed: SCP-418. 


Interviewer: Mr Mellows (Navajo speaker) and Dr Lee (Assigned 
researcher) 


Also present: three (3) members of Foundation Security. 


Foreword: This is the third attempt at an opening interview. Both 
previous attempts were hindered by an apparent inability by 
SCP-418 to speak English. SCP-418's language of communication 
identified as Navajo. 


Interview intents are as follows: 


1. Gain base profile information on SCP-418. 

2. Ascertain the reason for SCP-418's intrusion into the 
Foundation. 

3. Ascertain a broad understanding of SCP-418's abilities to 
facilitate primary containment. 


SCP-418 was, at the time, referred to under its provisional reference 
code TCP (Temporary Containment Procedure)-AAZ1 on all 
transcripts. All such references have now been edited to SCP-418. 


This dialogue represents conversation translated from Navajo. 


Site is the housing site of SCP- which necessitates personnel to 
rotate a series of dietary supplement added to various water 
supplies designated A-F. 


<Begin Log> 


Mr Mellows: Very well Doctor, let's get started. Do you wish to direct 
the questioning or shall |? 


Dr Lee: | trust you Mellows, just get this guy to talk to me. 


Dr. Adler: What— oh Jesus Fucking Christ! 
Dr. Scott: What the fuck! What the fuck! 
Dr. Adler: Run for it. Take the tooth! 


[Dr. Adler takes the recording apparatus with him, and 
flees alongside Dr. Scott. After the autopsy lab is sealed, 
there is a minute of silence, before Dr. Scott speaks.] 


Dr. Scott: Please tell me you saw that. The body was... 


Dr. Adler: Made of spiders. 


Closing Statement: Testing of the tooth removed from 
Portman's mouth has determined that it was not a tooth; 
rather, it was the chelicera and fang of an unknown, very 
large spider of the Atrax genus coated in a layer of 
webbing resembling enamel. 


Following this, the remains of Melissa Portman and Linus 
Planter were both inspected; their cadavers, while 
retaining a humanoid shape, were found to be composed 
almost entirely of body parts and webbing from spiders 
from the Atrax and Latrodectus genus, respectively. This 
detail escaped both visual observation and electronic 
recording devices, suggesting that the SCP-3256 meme 
may be essokinetic in nature. 


It is currently unknown if this phenomenon extends to the 
bodies of victims of either SCP-3256-A or SCP-3256-B 
instances. As of June 2011, none of the victims' remains 
are accounted for. 


Footnotes 

1. Tricophagia and mucophagia are, respectively, compulsive 
disorders relating to the consumption of hair and nasal mucus. 
2. A pathological fear of insects. 

3. All listed episodes have been removed from circulation due to 
acting as a vector for SCP-3256. 


4. John E. Douglas, b. 1945, was one of the first criminal profilers at 
the FBI. 

5. The UNABOM task force was responsible for the investigation 
into bombings at American universities and airports carried out by 
Theodore Kaczynski between 1978 and 1995. 

6. Dennis Rader, the "BTK Strangler", was a serial killer active from 
1974 to 1991, named for his practice of "Bind, Torture, Kill". 

7. Dennis Rader was eventually arrested following the discovery of 
metadata on a floppy disk he sent to police. He is currently serving 
10 consecutive life sentences. 

8. Colloquialism referring to the Unusual Incidents Unit's British 
equivalent, The British Occult Service, or MI666. 

9. A muscle relaxant used in lethal injections in the United States. 
10. Refers to Usher House, an Autonomous Extradimensional State 
with entrances in Baltimore, Maryland, Providence, Rhode Island, 
and Bangor, Maine, population 4,481. Possesses a large subculture 
of horror writers. 


SCP-3257: A Priest in a Suitcase at Timbuktu 


Item #: SCP-3257 
Object Class: Safe 


Special Containment Procedures: SCP-3257 is to be kept ina 
secure item locker at Site-77. All SCP-3257-B instances are to be 
kept in a cryonic storage chamber at Site-77. Personnel are required 
to don Class | biological hazard attire when engaging in experiments 
involving SCP-3257-B's interaction with SCP-3257. 


To facilitate experiments involving SCP-3257-B's interaction with the 
Sistine Chapel or interviews with SCP-3257-A, Provisional 
Experiment Room 3257 (PER-3257) has been established 
underneath the Sistine Chapel in collaboration with the Holy See 
and City Council of Rome. PER-3257 is to be equipped with a 
ventilation system. PER-3257 is to be accessed via underground 
tunnels in Rome, Italy. Approval for the use of PER-3257 is to be 
obtained from the Holy See Liaison to the Foundation. Following the 
conclusion of experiments and interviews, SCP-3257-B is to be 
returned to Site-77. 


Description: SCP-3257 is a silver-coloured plastic suitcase. A label 
on SCP-3257 lists its destination as the Sistine Chapel in the State 
of the Vatican City. The interior of SCP-3257 is of pitch black 
colouration, and the bottommost point (regardless of the use of 
additional light sources) cannot be visually ascertained. 


SCP-3257-A is a sapient consciousness attached to SCP-3257, 
represented by vocalisations produced when SCP-3257 is opened. 
However, SCP-3257-A cannot perceive visual and auditory stimuli 
introduced to SCP-3257. Languages of SCP-3257's vocalisations 
are in Bambara, French, and Latin. 


SCP-3257-B refers to the reconstructed body of Dominique Dubois, 
a Roman Catholic priest of French-Malian descent. Dubois is 


currently declared missing following a surprise attack by jihadist 
organisation on / /2013.1 


The organs in SCP-3257-B are non-functional, despite being 
identical to a non-anomalous human body. When initially recovered, 
SCP-3257-B was fragmented into an assortment of bone fragments, 
pieces of skin, and pieces of various organs (see Recovery). 
SCP-3257-B displays two sets of anomalous traits when in proximity 
to either SCP-3257 or the Sistine Chapel respectively.