"| know | always like it when our oral activities have an audience," 
Lolly added with a naughty smile and a pause for laughter, which 
was only filled with confused silence. 


"Lolly, we talked about this, these creatures aren't going to get any 
sexual references,” Icky whispered to her. Lolly nodded and went to 
fetch the prop for the act. 


"You see folks, most creatures where I'm from can't just absorb food 
through their outer membranes. They have to open their maws and 
force sustenance down their gullets!" 


This fact was met with a collective gasp of shock from the audience. 


"Horrifying, | Know, and we've got an exclusive demonstration set up 
just for you!" 


The lights dimmed and the spotlight fell on Lolly, who was now 
holding a long, green... thing, which wrapped around her forearm 
like a bracelet. After holding it up for everyone to see, she placed 
the green object on the ground. Icky took out her hat and pulled out 
a large, white rabbit. It wiggled its nose in an endearing way, eliciting 
a few ‘awws'from the audience. 


Icky crouched, allowing it to hop to the ground, where it inched 
towards the green thing. The mammal sniffed around it, not seeming 
to take much interest. Still, something felt wrong about the situation. 
The ground slowly began to rise, ensuring that all of the audience 
members would be able to see. The air was tense, as if something 
were holding its breath, waiting for a moment to strike... 


The audience began to whisper, confused by the lack of any 
apparent action. One or two of the aliens began to float upwards to 
get a— 


Moving almost too quickly to see, the green object jumped to life, 
ensnaring the rabbit's head in its mouth. For an instant the horrified 
audience thought it was going to bite the animal's head off, but 
instead it unhinged its own jaw in a display of pure body horror. Its 
head seamed to split in two, each half independently wriggling down 
the rabbit's body, its throat ballooning to grotesque proportions as it 
swallowed its victim whole. 


When the ordeal was finally over the green thing's jaws closed, 
sealing shut as if they had never been opened at all. The green 
creature was once again still as a statue, the only evidence of its 
crime being a massive bulge working its way down its digestive 
track. 


The audience gazed in horror as the lump worked its way down the 
corkscrew length of its devourer. After a moment of this, the rabbit 
squirmed out of the creature's alimentary canal - disheveled but 
alive. In a shimmer of light, the rabbit transformed into a Clown. 


"And the moral, boys and girls, is to always read your performance 


contracts carefully before you sign them," The Clown huffed in 
annoyance, marching out of the ring after being handed a towel. 


"Thank you, Eugene," Icky called to him as he pushed his way 
through the audience, the aliens rushing to get out of his way. Lolly 
couldn't help but giggle as they bumped into each other, sending the 
smaller ones flying like inflated beach balls. 


Icky picked up the green creature, where it coiled up on her hand. 
"Give it up for the marvelousssss, ssssspectuacular... 
Sssssssserpent!" 


The snake turned and seemed to give her a dirty look for a second. 
One of its eyes flashed an emerald color, before it disappeared as a 
cloud of green smoke, to another round of cheers. 


Icky and Lolly held hands, bowing deeply and springing back up. 
Icky tipped her hat, and turned as if to leave. "Alright, everyone, 
you've been a fantastic audience! But alas, all good— and 
disquieting— things must come to an end! It's time for us to bring 
this show to a close!" 


There was a chorus of sad wails, and pulsing, sloshing noises as the 
aliens shook in their odd bubbles. Lolly played along, turning to Icky 
and giving her a tearful puppy-dog look. 


"Aw, but Icky, don't we have time for just one other thing?" 


Icky raised her hand, bringing instant silence. "Alright, | give in. | 
suppose we still have time for one more trick!" 


On cue, a giant cylinder fell from above into the center of the Big 
Top, hiding Icky and Lolly from view. As it landed, there was a 
moment of confusion, as all the audience members could see were 
odd, distorted images of themselves. One or two aliens floated over 
to it, inspecting the odd monolith, which reflected their every move. 


There was a sudden series of gasps as a new figure came into view, 
prowling around the perimeter of the monolith, twice as tall as any of 
the aliens. It was darkly colored, covered in strange orifices and 
glowing eyespots. It poked its head around the ground, as if taking 


in its surroundings for a moment, before suddenly turning and 
leaping into the stands! 


Panic erupted as a dark, tripodal figure was seen running through 
the image, and escalated as two more appeared alongside it, 
sending aliens flying out of the Big Top in a panic as they felt 
something brush against their bubbles. The first dark creature 
roared triumphantly, before leaping into the monolith, shattering it 
into a thousand pieces. 


Within a few moments, the aliens had almost all fled, leaving nothing 
in the Big Top, save for a few small, orange cats, purring 
contentedly in the center. 


About a kilometer away from where the Circus had been mere 
moments ago, close to a river of dark purple liquid, Icky, Lolly, anda 
few crew members from the Nautilus and stagehands from the 
Circus were loading the last shipment of equipment back onto a 
small boat that would make its way back to the main ship. At the 
back of the boat, in the Captain's Chair, Nemo eagerly dug through 
a satchel filled with diamonds of every shape and size, a delighted 
expression on her face. 


Lolly sat on top of a box as it was loaded up, giggling and shaking a 
small snowglobe styled after the alien race they had performed for. 
Quietly, she whispered to herself, "Best. Road Trip. Ever." 


A small snake slithered up to the scene, before glowing a bright 
green color, and contorting in size and shape. In a matter of 
seconds, Munin stood where the snake had been. He glared at Icky 
silently, before spitting a tuft of rabbit hair out of his mouth. 


Icky chuckled and slapped him on the back. "Thanks for being such 
a good sport. They really enjoyed it." 


Munin huffed as he climbed aboard, a palpable tension in the air 
around him. From her perch on top of the box, Lolly smirked and 


called down to him. 


"Don't be such a sour face. I'm pretty sure it was harder on Eugene 
than it was on you!" 


« Freaks, Friends, and Fiends| Dread & Circuses Hub | A Circus 
Come To Not » 


A Circus Come To Not 


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Undead, Insane and Fully Loaded » 


“Pius, how do you keep getting us into these messes?” Eugene 
asked as he lurched over the side of the inflatable lifeboat, his face 
literally green from seasickness. 


Though, it would perhaps be more accurate to call it motion 
sickness, as they weren’t floating upon an actual ocean. The body 
they were bobbing upon undulated up and down slowly and without 
rhythm, like a super-viscous fluid being frothed around in a bowl. 
The surface was a perfect mirror, but instead of the sky, it reflected 
an ever-shifting mosaic of scenes from every corner of Reality, 
stretching onwards without a horizon and seemingly to infinity. 
Though it looked fluid, if Eugene tried to cup it with his hand it would 
float into the air like smoke and sift through his fingers like sand. The 
strange sea was neither gaseous nor liquid nor solid, but rather a 
substance wholly alien to the Known space-time continuum. As 
such, Eugene’s only perception of it was what optical illusions his 
brain would generate as it desperately tried to make sense of it. 


“| hardly see how this was my fault,” Pius replied as he calmly read 
over the survival guide he had found among the lifeboat’s effects. 


He glanced up briefly at the sky, which instead of a sun or moon or 
stars held a colossal, hyperdimensional tangle of multiverses, 
stretching from one end of the firmament to the other. Individual 
universes appeared primarily as midnight blue orbs stained with 
luminous webs, strung together like octopus eggs. 


“If it weren’t for me, you wouldn't even have the lifeboat and you’d 
be sinking all the way down to the Not Abyss. Do you know why this 
place is called the Not, Eugene? Because it’s Not our world, Not our 
universe, Not our multiverse and Not even our omniverse. We are 
outside of Reality itself, and the only reason it’s even remotely 


comprehensible is that this is just the surface of the Not and we can 
still see our own Reality from here. Now, if you go deep enough 
down that you can’t see home anymore, then your mind will shatter 
just from the sheer nature of the Not itself. Those are some truly 
unfathomable fathoms, let me tell you. Literally indescribable, utterly 
inconceivable and unimaginable, not a single mote of stuff down 
there that wouldn't drive you absolutely bonkers just trying to wrap 
your head around it.” 


Eugene retched, releasing a copious volume of glittery black Clown 
vomit out of his mouth and straight into the incomprehensible Not. 


“Okay, well now there’s Clown vomit down there, and that | 
understand,” Pius conceded. 


Eugene groaned as he flopped over on his back, his face still as 
green as a pickle. 


“You’re the one who shapeshifted into a mouse and sent Bubblegum 
into a panic while we were in the Nautilus’s passenger hold,” 
Eugene reminded him. 


“| thought she was passed out.” 
“Well, why would you turn into a mouse in the first place?” 


“It was cramped in there, so | turned into a tiny animal. It was a 
perfectly reasonable thing to do. It’s not my fault that a startled, 
hungover elephant accidentally knocked Danny over and his 
eternally enflamed head set the hold on fire. You were the one who 
screamed ‘abandon ship!’ and leapt out the porthole.” 


“You didn’t have to follow me!” 


“| didn’t, and neither did Bubblegum. If her head wasn’t stuck in the 
porthole, or she hadn't been trumpeting like crazy, someone might 
have noticed we went overboard.” 


“Well, like you said, at least you had this inflatable lifeboat on you. 
I’d probably be dead right now if it wasn’t for you.” 


“Thank you.” 


“What about the rest of the Circus? You don’t think they’re...” 


“Unlikely. There was at least one fire extinguisher in the hold and the 
blaze hardly seemed out of control. The Nautilus is probably looking 
for us right now.” 


“Fat lot of good that'll do us. Space and Time are meaningless here. 
For all we know, they’ve given up the search, gone home, and our 
universe has already expired from heat death. 


“Try calling Gary.” 

“| doubt we'll get a signal here.” 
“Just try it.” 

“Alright then.” 


Pius reached into his pocket, pulled out a French-style rotary phone 
and dialled Gary’s eleven digit number. 


Ring Ring 
Ring Ring 
Ring Ring 


Ring Ring 

“It’s ringing.” 

“| can hear it.” 

“Gary? Gary is that you?” the voice on the phone asked. 
“What? No, | was calling for Gary. Who’s this?” Pius asked. 


“This is Pius the Clown. Who’s this?” 


“You're not Pius, I’m Pius!” Pius objected. 
“It sounds like you,” Eugene claimed. 
“| do not!” the voice on the phone said. 


“Pius, it’s just pattern screamers, hang up,” another voice that 
sounded like Eugene said. 


“We're not pattern screamers, you're pattern screamers!” Pius 
screamed, in a very pattern like way, slamming the receiver down. 
“That’s why | like old phones; you can’t hang up angrily with a 
smartphone.” 


“| think we should take stock of our supplies,” Eugene suggested. 


“Good idea. We have one rotary aether phone that can only be used 
to call pattern screamers. We have this survival guide, How To 
Survive When Reality Doesn't by Dr. Alto Clef.” 


“Why is the cover just a crudely drawn bunny in a hat?” 


“It's memetic, or at least a meme. As for the essentials, we have 
1,2,3,4... 23 pints of Clown's Milk.” 


“You just carry nearly two dozen pints of Milk around on you now? 
Are you trafficking the stuff?” 


“Well we get lost a lot, plus since we started ultra-pasteurizing it we 
don’t need to worry about it spoiling.” 


“Pasteurized Milk is a Fun-Lover conspiracy to weaken us! Raw Milk 
is natural! Raw Milk is healthier! Raw Milk is delicious! Raw Milk 
is...” 


Eugene’s rant was suddenly interrupted by his cheeks ballooning 
with more vomit, which he promptly expectorated into the Not. 


“Uggghhh. Not that I'll be able to keep it down, but how are we set 
for food?” 


“Let’s see. I’ve got a bag of Circus Peanuts, some Cotton Candy, a 
couple boxes of Animal Crackers, still got some of Saccharina’s 
Sweets but | was hoping to hold onto them.” 


“You always were too sentimental.” 


“There’s Kettle Corn, Corn Dogs, Dog biscuits, Purple Fluffernutter 
Sandwiches (Lolly’s favourite) and... an apple.” 


“A caramel apple?” 
“No, just an apple.” 
“Gross.” 


“Plus, I’m sure you still have the Bazooka, so that’s an infinite supply 
of cream pies right there.” 


“Wait, that’s it! The Bazooka!” 
“What about it?” 


“We can use it as a rocket engine!” 


“Huh?” 


“It's Thermodynamics! We set it to make pies with extra inertia, fire 
them out the back, and that will propel us forward!” 


“That is the greatest idea you've ever had.” 


Eugene forced himself to his feet in spite of his motion sickness and 
retrieved the enormous bazooka from his tiny pockets. Mounting it 
on his shoulder and taking care to keep it level so they didn’t go 
plunging down into the Not or flying up towards the Is, he fired off a 
coconut cream pie. 


The pie erupted forward with so much force it sent Eugene, but not 
the boat, flying backwards. Thinking fast, Eugene immediately 


SCP-628: Flute Copse 


Item #: SCP-628 
Object Class: Euclid 


Special Containment Procedures: SCP-628 is contained in Bio 
Research Site-104, built on-site at . The perimeter of its 
containment is to be clearly marked by a circle of 3-m wire fence no 
less than 1 km from the perimeter of the copse. Non-Class-D 
personnel are not to enter the perimeter without appropriate hearing 
protection and seismic sensors. Protective gear sufficient for all 
personnel on-site must be available at all times. All structures on- 
site, and especially the listening post constructed just outside the 
perimeter fence, must conform to the stringent earthquake- and 
wind-proofing building codes laid out in Document 628-03. 


Personnel assigned to Site-104 should preferably be selected for a 
low absolute threshold of hearing. All newly-assigned personnel 
should be briefed on the visual and emotional effects of infrasound. 
A brief training course on distinguishing these effects from normal 
human affect is to be made available on-site. 


The weather at Site-104 must be monitored carefully. In the event of 
a sudden increase in wind speed, the presiding researcher is to be 
notified. In the event that any winds in excess of 50 km/hr are 
observed, all personnel are to evacuate to Site-104's soundproofed 
shelters. Observation may be continued via ground sensors, remote 
drones, or D-class personnel. 


Botanical personnel stationed at Site-104 are to monitor SCP-628 
and maintain it in good health. Regular consultation with MTF 
Theta-4 ("Gardeners") has been scheduled for this purpose. 


Description: Above the soil surface, SCP-628 consists of a copse 
of 31 large, hollow American sycamore (Platanus occidentalis) trees, 
with trunks from 224 to 455 cm in external diameter. The copse is a