SCP-1840-J: Well, he had to go inject himself 
right away, didn’t he? | was barely a block 
away when | heard the screams. | was 
horrified. | looked back. Park was awash with 
blood. Cars torn apart. Survivors screaming for 
help. It was just terrible. | mean it, | really do. | 
can't live with myself. | just can’t live with 
myself knowing that I’ve made it even easier 
for the Harlequin to find me. God, can you 
imagine how | feel right now? 


Dr. Richter: Yes, your drug appeared to have 
accelerated Mr. T. Wales through several 
million years of evolution into a sort of 
mammalian super-predator, before causing 
him to detonate. | suppose you realise thirteen 
people died? 


SCP-1840-J: Jeez, man, you don’t have to rub 
itin. | feel awful. | really do. | can see the park 
from my apartment. They still haven’t finished 
repairing the damage. It’s a constant reminder. 
A constant reminder that the Harlequin is 
closing in on my sweet ass. 


Dr. Richter: Thank you. We will resume this 
tomorrow... 


+ Interview Log 1840S (Item: SCP-1840-D) 


[This log has been cross-filed with Incident Report 1840- 


A] 


SUBJECT: SCP-1840-J 
INTERVIEWER: Dr. Richter. 
TIME/DATE: 9:07 24/09/ 


SCP-1840-J: Well slap my thigh and call me 
Susan, if it isn’t Dr. Richter himself! The man 
of action! The man of mystery! Please, regale 
me with some tale of your magnificence, my 
liege! 


Dr. Richter: Good afternoon. | have a strange 
feeling you’re going to try and sell me 
something. 


SCP-1840-J: Right on the money. I’d like to 
open this with a little mental image. Imagine, 
doctor, a desert. Wide. Endless. A huge infinity 
of sand. Nothing but the endless animal 
silence. But as you look around you, you see a 


small black speck crawling up one of the sand 
dunes. A baby camel. Lost. Staggering 
pointlessly onwards. The hot sand blowing in 
its eyes. Bleating for help. It staggers. Crawls 
back to its feet. Stumbles forward again. 

And then high above in the azure sky, a small 
dark speck begins to circle. Then another. And 
another. Vultures. Preparing to feed. They 
circle lower...and lower...and the camel finally 
slumps into the dust, chest heaving, eyes 
staring, getting dim...and the first vulture 
settles on top of its exhausted body-cruel beak 
arching forward— 

And that, Dr. Richter, is when the lamb bleats 
faintly—and then rips the head off the nearest 
vulture! It runs amok, killing left and right, until 
all the foul scavengers are mere piles of 
twisted flesh and settling feathers! For this is 
no ordinary baby camel, Dr. Richter, this is the 
Axtria Mock Camel, a strange creature that 
cunningly looks and acts like a starving baby 
camel in order to lure vultures to their untimely 
doom! 


Dr. Richter: | see. And why should | buy one? 


SCP-1840-J: I’m not asking you to buy it. I’m 
asking you to take it off my hands. | can’t 
control it. I’ve tried to kill it more times than | 
can count. It looks like a clumpy awkward 
quadruped but it moves like a snake. You 
should try getting it past customs. | can usually 
pass it off as a camel, but not when it’s 
gnawing on the bones of sinners. 


Dr. Richter: Refer your offer along to Dr. 
Seaward, as usual. Now. | believe you are 
about to discuss the fourth and final sale you 
made. 


SCP-1840-J: Sure, sure. So the final sale was 


just a week ago, actually. Best one yet. Except 
for the first one. That was the best as well. 
Sold four items at once. | got a call. You're 
gonna love this. A D-Class had fallen in love 
with one of her Researchers. Real sweet. Ahh, 
true love. Who can understand its ways? | 
personally would have a few reservations 
about the man sending me into almost certain 
death against ravening sea serpents, but, 
ehhh, who am | to talk. Anyway, she wanted to 
bust herself and the Researcher out of here. 
She’d got it all planned. But she needed 
weapons. Explosives. A escape vehicle. A 
distraction. Yes, yes, yes and YES, Doc, | had 
those. 


Dr. Richter: Am | to understand that a D-Class 
is preparing to breach a Foundation facility? 
My—my God! What did you sell her? Where is 
she? 


SCP-1840-J: Oh it was amazing. Didn’t have 
the nerve to charge her. Who am | to stand in 
the way of love? So | gave her the deadliest 
stuff | had. Great to finally get rid of it. She said 
‘Weapons’, and | said ‘Ex-Soviet Cyclic 
Charge Projector’. She said ‘Explosives’ and | 
said ‘Matter Negating Gauntlet’. She said 
‘Escape Vehicle’ and | said ‘The Wainwright 
Teleport Array’ She said ‘Distractions’ and | 
said— 


Agent Ness: Uhh, Doctor? This camel isn’t 
supposed to be contained or anything, is it? 


Dr. Richter: Oh. Oh my— 


SCP-1840-J: | had to. The females are the 
worst. | thought they were going to start 
breeding. Don't scream, or you'll excite it. 


Agent Ness: Jeez, is it supposed to have that 
many—AHHHHHHH! 
AlMMNEEEEEEEEEEEE! MY ARM! IT TOOK 
MY ARM! AHHHHHHH-ughhh... 


[CLOSE EXPLOSION. CLOSE GUNFIRE. 
SILENCE. DOOR OPENS] 


D-27893: Come with me, Doctor! Come with 
me and we shall vanquish all foes with our 
love! 


Dr. Richter: I’m not sure—| don’t—uh—| 
mean, yes! YES! I’m coming, Sophie! 


[D-27893 SHOOTS OUTSIDE] 


D-27893: Take this, Erik! If we should fail, my 
love, then | will gladly die beside you than live 
a life apart! 


Dr. Richter: M—Matter Negating Gauntlet! 
YES! ‘TWO-CHAIRS’ WAS IT, ALAN? I’LL 
SHOW YOU ‘TWO-CHAIRS!’ 


[ELECTRONIC BUZZ. COLLAPSING 
MASONRY. SCREAMING] 


D-27893: Ha! They run like bugs! Shoot the 
pillar, darling, we have to seal off the Task 
Forces! 


Dr. Richter: Make me reorganise my filing 
system, would you, ‘sir?’ Here’s what | think of 
YOUR system! 


[ELECTRONIC BUZZ. COLLAPSING 
MASONARY] 


Dr. Richter: Oh, to think | spent months 
reorganising my filing system! Oh, what a 
hugely advanced perspective on life a 


« SCP-536 | SCP-537 | SCP-538 » 


murderous woman and an arcane super 
weapon gives you! 


D-27893: Teleporter’s charged! Take my hand! 
[KISS. TELEPORTER ENGAGED. SILENCE] 


SCP-1840-J: Hello? Guys? [silence] | 
wondered if you wanted this genuine homing 
tomahawk. Proper Native American stuff. 
Seeks out its target. Great for parties. 
Knocking apples off people’s heads and stuff. | 
thought it would be a great wedding present! 
No really, its on me. All the best and that. 
Impress the new lady with inexplicably great 
axe-throwing skills, eh, Doc? Doc? [silence] 
Damn. 


[CALL ENDS] 


SCP-1595-J: Sweethearts 


Item #: SCP-1595-J 
Object Class: Euclid 


Special Containment Procedures: SCP-1595-1 and SCP-1595-2 
are to be kept in separate standard humanoid containment cells 
under constant surveillance. Personnel monitoring them must have 
an ample supply of insulin and a syringe on their person at all times. 
Additionally, these personnel are advised against eating shortly 
before and after their shifts. Under no circumstances may 
SCP-1595-1 and SCP-1595-2 be within eyesight of each other, as a 
mere wayward glance has been proven lethal. Personnel handling 
SCP-1595-J must wear ear protection to avoid fatal auditory 
exposure. 


SCP-1595-1 and SCP-1595-2 are permitted to send each other 
messages, designated SCP-1595-3. However, personnel are to 
avoid looking at SCP-1595-3 and their contents. SCP-1595-3 will be 
delivered by hand in envelopes marked [REDACTED] for 
SCP-1595-1 and SCP-1595-2 to read, followed by SCP-1595-3's 
incineration, as the sight of large quantities of SCP-1595-3 is 
hazardous. 


In the event of a containment breach by SCP-1595-1 and 
SCP-1595-2, a recovery team must be sent equipped with 
[REDACTED] to avoid lethal visual exposure, as SCP-1595-J will 
most likely be engaging in romantic or sexual activities. 


Description: SCP-1595-J is a young couple named R-=s and J 
respectively designated as SCP-1595-1 and SCP-1595-2. Both 
appear to be Caucasian and in their mid- s. SCP-1595-1 and 
SCP-1595-2 are constantly infatuated with each other. Because of 
this as well as the fact that auditory exposure to both of them 
together is lethal, Dr. —_ theorized that all they ever talk about is how 
much they love each other. They are able to draw the loosest 


es 


associations between anything and their relationship. When 
together, they are in a constant state of kissing, cuddling, hand- 
holding, skipping, spinning, hugging, giggling, flirting, dancing, or 
coitus, sometimes all at once. 


Observing SCP-1595-uJ's public displays of affection triggers a near- 
spontaneous neurochemical and hormonal imbalance in the 
observer. Witnessing the pair expressing their feelings for each 
other leads to a dramatic increase in flow of dopamine throughout 
the nervous system as well as a sudden total loss of insulin in the 
bloodstream, resulting in euphoria, cognitive failure, and eventually 
a comatose state or expiration from severe hyperglycemia. 


Discovery: SCP-1595-J was found slow-dancing to their favorite 
song, _ , in the middle of Club at approximately 2200 hours, 
// in , Arizona. They were surrounded by an estimated 

[REDACTED] dead clubbers who had witnessed the couple's 
outward affection for each other. The Foundation was notified 
immediately after local law enforcement discovered the club full of 
deceased save for the lone couple who were still dancing. 


Interview # 


[overhead light heard flickering] 

Dr. : Howare you feeling today? 

SCP-1595-1: Dead inside without my J __. My heart 
beats for her like the flicker of that light! It's like the 
mosquito of passion that buzzes in my ear! 

Dr. —_: Kill the lights. 

[light switch heard clicking] 

SCP-1595-1: How dark the world seems without her 
now, as though | can see the glow of our hearts no 
longer. 

[Interview ended by Dr. __, as his blood sugar level had 
started to spike along with his irritability] 


Interview # 


Dr. —: Where did you come from? 
SCP-1595-2: [crying] It's been so long since I've heard 
from him. 


Dr. : When did you last receive a letter? 
SCP-1595-2: [sob] Two hours ago. He said my kiss was 
sweeter than agave syrup— 

Dr. : Oh, no. 

SCP-1595-2: and that he'll always be there for me, and 
that I'm cute, but | told him he's cuter. 

[armed personnel fire two tranquillizer darts] 

Note: At this point, Dr. was beginning to show signs 
of sudden severe hyperglycemia, including fatigue, 
headaches, and blurred vision. 30 units of insulin 
administered. 


Interview # 


SCP-1595-1: Do you believe in true love, doctor? It's like 
life's opera— 

Dr. —_: What's the first thing you remember? 
SCP-1595-1: The most beautiful face in the world. | had 
not lived before | beheld such hotness. 

Dr. _: We need to try something else. 

SCP-1595-1: The moment we locked eyes (such deep, 
rich jewels, those eyes), our destinies revealed 
themselves to us. 

Dr. —_: [unintelligible] ... word choice. 

SCP-1595-1: Only the cosmic jaws of life could break the 
link between us. 

[SCP-1595-1 heard being taken back to its cell while 


emergency medical assistance is providedto Dr. __.] He 
was later diagnosed with Type- diabetes, requiring 
dialysis. 

Interview # : 
Dr. :J  , please remove your finger from your nose. 


SCP-1595-2: We used to pick each other's noses. 

Dr. _ : That's disgusting. 

SCP-1595-2: Then we'd wash our hands together, letting 
our sudsy fingers entwine under the cool running water. 
Reminds me of the time we floated by a waterfall holding 
hands like little otters. 

Dr. =: Help! 


Note: Dr. has concluded that the visualization of 
SCP-1595-uJ's public displays of affection initiates the 
anomalous effect to a lesser but still significant extent 
than from observing it firsthand. Requests for additional 
interviews have been denied, and they will continue to be 
denied as the interviewer will expire if he has to hear 
SCP-1595-J talk about each other one more goddamn 
time. He only has one foot now. 


SCP-2128046979-J: You don't know her, she works at 
a different Site! 


Item #: SCP-2128046979-J 
Girlfriend Class: Real 


Special Containment Procedures: Staff assigned to Site 534 or 
offsite projects with Junior Researcher Jimmy are to be periodically 
reminded that SCP-2128046979-J is, in fact, real, and his girlfriend. 
Staff who question the validity of either of these claims are to be 
immediately remanded for psychiatric evaluation and, if found to be 
affected by SCP-2128046979-J's anomalous effects, are to be 
subjected to intensive reeducation to reaffirm their belief in 
SCP-2128046979-J's reality and romantic relationship. Failure to 
reaffirm belief in SCP-2128046979-J might result in an EXGF-Class 
End Of Relationship scenario for Junior Researcher Jimmy. 


Description: SCP-2128046979-J is Junior Researcher Jimmy's 
girlfriend. SCP-2128046979-J is believed to be affected by a 
combination of antimemetic and causality-related phenomenona that 
prevent her from physically interacting with all Foundation personnel 
stationed at Site 534 except Junior Researcher Jimmy, and 
obscures most information about her. For example, colleagues who 
converse with Junior Researcher Jimmy have proven incapable of 
gleaning information about her whereabouts, instead perceiving only 
the answer that "she works at a different Site.” 


Although SCP-2128046979-J's antimemetic effects affect details of 
the information about her, less specific information appears to be 
immune to the effect, to a degree currently under testing. The 
following facts about SCP-2128046979-J have been ascertained 
about SCP-2128046979-J through interrogation of Junior 
Researcher Jimmy, who is dating her: 


* SCP-2128046979-J is involved in a romantic 
relationship with Junior Researcher Jimmy. 


SCP-2128046979-J works for the Foundation, at a 
Site that is not Site 534. 

SCP-2128046979-J is extremely attractive. 
SCP-2128046979-J has frequent sexual liaisons 
with Junior Researcher Jimmy. 
SCP-2128046979-J's name is either Monika or 
Monica; inconsistency is assumed to be a result of 
SCP-2128046979-J's antimemetic properties. 
SCP-2128046979-J does not have a phone, or 
email address, and the site she works at is super 
secret so we can't know its address and send her 
letters. 


Addendum 2128046979-J-1: On / /2018, Junior Researcher 
Jimmy responded to accusations of SCP-2128046979-J not being 
real by showing Agent Marcos a picture of her. Agent Marcos was 
remanded for psychiatric evaluation while Junior Researcher 
Jimmy's phone was seized to research the picture. Upon future 
investigation, said picture was determined to be an image of cosplay 
model ; it is believed that this is a result of SCP-2128046979- 
J's properties, and that Junior Researcher Jimmy is the only subject 
who can see the real image. 


SCP-2029-J: Artificial Unintelligence 


Item #: SCP-2029 
Object Class: Euclid 


Special Containment Procedures: SCP-2029 is stored ina 
soundproof, climate-controlled storage locker at Site 19. SCP-2029 
must be kept isolated from network connections at all times, and 
direct experimentation with may only be performed with prior 
permission from Level 3 senior research staff and under the direct 
supervision of Site 19 technical staff. 


Description: SCP-2029 is an Alienware M-15X laptop computer 
built circa 2008. The identifying nameplate on the bottom casing has 
been removed, and it appears to be able to operate indefinitely 
despite the lack of battery or AC power. 


SCP-2029 appears to contain a heavily modified Windows operating 
system that behaves as a sentient, sapient artificial intelligence that 
is capable of conversing with personnel. SCP-2029 uses the 
laptop's webcam to see, its built-in microphone to hear, and its 
speakers to synthesize a male voice.