(Extraneous footage redacted for brevity. Subject 
complied and reported the different flavours assumed by 
SCP-3329, all of which were consistent with those listed 
in Document 3329-01. At several points, the subject 
attempted to bite down on SCP-3329 but was unable to 
break it. After approximately 110 minutes, SCP-3329 has 
been sufficiently reduced in size to enter its 'rainbow 
core’ phase.) 


D-97605: Something's happening. Is it supposed to be 


doing that? 


Dr. Oswald: We believe so. Please consume it and 
report the results. 


D-97605: Understood. Tasting the rainbow. 


(Subject places SCP-3329 in her mouth and bites down, 
this time successfully removing the candy from the stick.) 


D-97605: Okay, it's melting. It's very sweet and it's a 
medley of all the other flavours. The taste isn't going 
away. 


(Subject sticks out her tongue and looks at her reflection 
in the one-way mirror, revealing her tongue to be coated 
in a luminescent rainbow swirl. This is believed to be the 
initiation of the Barnum Event.) 


D-97605: Oh, awesome. I've got a gay pride parade in 
my mouth. 


Dr. Oswald: An entire parade? That's certainly a first. 
Please describe it in more detail. 


D-97605: Huh? 


Dr. Oswald: The parade inside your mouth. Tell me 
more. How big is it, is it causing you any discomfort, and 
why are they having a pride parade at this time of year? 


D-97605: Are you fucking with me or...ah, well they're 
mouth people so they don't go by a solar calendar. 
Seasons are based around coffee flavours: Pumpkin 
Spice, Peppermint Mocha, you get the idea. 


Dr. Oswald: Intriguing. We should call the anthropology 
department and inform them of this development. I'm 
sure they'd like to study the inhabitants of your oral 
Cavity. 


D-97606: Sure. Sure. Hey, speaking of cavities, | have a 
literal sweet tooth. One of my molars is comprised 
entirely of compressed sucrose. It's not even an 
anomaly, just a weird quirk of nature. What do you think 
about that? 


Dr. Oswald: It is fascinating, but for the moment | think 
we should remain focused on the pride parade. 


D-97605: (smiles) Whatever you say. Actually, as much 
as | wish we could keep studying this, today's the day I'm 
getting discharged. 


Dr. Oswald: Oh. | apologize. Congratulations. | don't 
know why | wasn't informed. 


D-97605: Don't worry about it, | Know what a 
bureaucratic nightmare this place is. Yeah, | was 
pardoned by one of the Overseers for good behavior, 
and they said that as a reward for that good behavior you 
guys were to just take me down to the Site garage and 
give me a vehicle, one without a tracker, as well as 
civilian clothes, whatever cash you have on hand and let 
me drive out of here. Right now. 


Dr. Oswald: That's hardly standard protocol, but | can't 
afford to get into anymore trouble with the O5s. They'd 
better reimburse me for the cash at least. 


D-97605: Yeah, I'm sure they will. If we don't go right 
now though you won't be able to file the expense report 
in time for this month's rebate, or whatever you call it. 


Dr. Oswald: They changed the deadline without so 
much as a memo? Typical. We'd better get going then. 
I'd rather not be short that much money any longer than | 
have to be. 


(Dr. Oswald opens the door to the testing chamber, and 


the guard on duty makes no objection.) 
D-97605: Oh my god. 


(D-97605 pockets all the SCP-3329 instances present in 
the testing chamber and allows the guard and Dr. 
Oswald to escort her out.) 


<End Log> 


Post Incident Report: According to witness testimony and security 
footage, Dr. Oswald and Agent Rourke escorted D-97605 to the 
parking garage per her request. She was evidently able to convince 
anyone who questioned this that she was indeed being released. 
She absconded with a black sedan and several thousand dollars in 
cash!. She also, evidently, convinced everyone that her release was 
classified and that they were not to tell anyone about it, thus 
confounding investigations into her disappearance for several days. 


The vehicle in question was later recovered at a local used car 
dealership, having been purchased for nearly 12 times its value2 
with no paperwork. D-97605 and 11 instances of SCP-3329 remain 
at large. 


Dr. Oswald was subjected to disciplinary suspension and demotion 
due to the inadequate testing protocols which resulted in the loss of 
a D-class and 11 instances of SCP-3329. Testing and containment 
procedures have been updated accordingly. 


Addendum: Subsequent testing of SCP-3329 has revealed that 
when a subject consumes the item's rainbow core and triggers a 
Barnum Event, other individuals are incapable of applying critical 
thought to any claims made by the subject and accept whatever they 
say as unquestionable fact. This applies whether the subject is 
being intentionally deceptive, unknowingly mistaken, or simply non- 
literal or hyperbolic. 


This effect is observed whether information is communicated 
verbally or textually, in person or via telecommunication. 
Secondhand tellings of the subject's statements, either by humans 
or Als, seem to negate this effect. Recordings of subjects only retain 


their infohazardous effects for the duration of the Barnum Event. 


Barnum Events appear to last for approximately as long as a visible 
coating remains on the tongue of the subject. This varies 
significantly depending on the amount and nature of food and 
beverages consumed, engagement in oral hygiene, among other 
factors. 


Recovery: All 144 instances were recovered inside of a paper bag 
with the word 'DISQUIETLY DISCONTINUED ' written in purple pen. 
Although it initially aopeared that the bag had been anonymously 
sent to Site-64's P.O. box, during the inquiry into D-97605's escape, 
Dr. Oswald confessed that he had violated Foundation protocol by 
personally seeking out anomalies for the purpose of advancing his 
career. He allegedly purchased SCP-3329 fora sumof$ USD 
from a currently unidentified individual who claimed to have stolen 
them from a supply trailer at a 'magic carnival’, presumed to be 
Gol-233 (Herman Fuller's Circus of the Disquieting). 


In addition to his suspension and demotion, Dr. Oswald is now 
under surveillance by the Internal Security Department for this 
breach of protocol. 


Found within the same bag as SCP-3329 was a folded 60cm by 
90 cm poster, which appears to be promotional material for the 
anomaly. 


Document 3329-01: 
Step Right Up For Your Chance To Win 
LI'L LOLLIPOPS LITTLE LOLLIPOPS! 


Watch In Awe As They Morph Between All 12 
Different Flavors: 


GREEN ~ APPLE 
AMBER ~ CINNAMON 
ORANGE ~ ORANGE (DUH) 
WHITE ~ VANILLA 
GOLD ~ PEACH 


RED ~ CHERRY 
BROWN ~ COLA 
YELLOW ~ BANANA 
PURPLE ~ GRAPE 
BLUE ~ PEPPERMINT 
PINK ~ KIWI WATERMELON 
INDIGO ~ WILD-BERRY 


[the following text was presented in a speech bubble 
attached to a cartoon of a female clown] 


"Hello guys, gals and non-binary pals! Li'l Lollipop 
here with a special treat for you! A chance to win 
some suckers from my private stash! | get bored real 
easy, so The Ringmaster had these made especially 
for me. They constantly change flavor, with a new 
sucker born every minute! They come in all my 
favorite flavors, and with every change a surprise 
there are dozens of different combinations! That's 
enough to even keep my attention! Plus there's a 
special surprise waiting at the center of each and 
every sucker, a surprise so spectacular you won't 
believe it!" 


Fun Fact: Did you know that while the phrase 
"There's a sucker born every minute" is often 
attributed to P.T. Barnum, there's no evidence he 
ever actually said it? That's because it was our own 
Herman Fuller who coined the phrase, and by gum it 
was a motto he lived by right up until his mysterious 
disappearance. It sure was a good thing he never 
had any of these. That definitely would've sucked! 


Footnotes 

1. this money was taken from at least four individual staff members 
as well as the Site-64 petty cash fund 

2. D-97605 was allegedly able to convince the dealer that it formerly 
belonged to Hollywood actor Nicolas Cage 


SCP-3330: Etudes for the Universe 


Item #: SCP-3330 
Object Class: Euclid 


Special Containment Procedures: A single unedited collection of 
SCP-3330 is to be kept in a paper medium and held in a storage 
locker at provisional Site-64T, currently constructed within 
SCP-2400, which, in turn, is contained within Site-59. This decision 
was deemed appropriate due to the lack of apparent celestial bodies 
aside from the seemingly stationary sun located within the 
dimension outlined in its file. Doing so negates the effects of 
SCP-3330's cognitohazardous abilities. Furthermore, a proprietary 
Onsite Reality Event Protocol must be mandated. A system of three 
Scranton Reality Anchors must be placed in an equilateral triangular 
pattern around SCP-3330's chamber, as well as a Weak Force 
Lang-Scranton Stabilizer! (WFLSS) in order to maintain a consistent 
Hume level within containment and surrounding area at all times. 


Media outlets, music databases and archives must be monitored 
and purged of all anomalous copies of SCP-3330. Replications, 
modified to remove anomalous effects and memetic hazards, are to 
be distributed to the public in lieu of the original. Historical records 
involving the composition and events surrounding performances of 
SCP-3330 are to be altered and replaced with an appropriate cover 
story. 


Access to the instances in Foundation custody for study and testing 
is restricted only to level 5 clearance and higher. 


Description: SCP-3330 is the designation for the collective works of 
late composer and pianist John Milton Cage Jr. from the years of 
1961 through 1978. These compositions include the Atlas 
Eclipticalis (1961-62), Etudes Australes (1974-75), Freeman 
Etudes (1977-902) and Etudes Boreales (1978). Upon the time of its 
initial recovery, only recordings have ever been performed on any 


part of the collection and, due to the complexity of the pieces 
themselves, only have ever been recorded with the precision 
necessary to manifest SCP-3330's anomalous effects. 


SCP-3330 instances are presented in a series of short songs called 
etudes. For example, Freeman Etudes consists of 32 individual 
parts. 


Cage's style of play was well known as discordant at best. 
Experimental works involving randomness, striking and rubbing the 
body of the piano were considered his penchant. After 1960, 
however, John Cage's modus operandi became heavily dependent 
on complex astronomical charts, using imprints of the night sky to 
determine note placement. After the attempted live performance of 
Atlas Eclipticaluson // atthe Center for the Arts, 
Foundation agents were deployed and, during the subsequent 
investigation, it was determined that the use of these charts were 
the root of SCP-3330's anomalous properties. 


SCP-3330's effects become apparent when an individual listens to 
any of these selected works performed from the start, within a 99% 
accuracy. Recordings and live plays must be carried out by one 
individual using both hands. Sound waves performed 
synchronously as described within the parameters of the sheet 
music have a minor reality-warping effect, the strength of which is 
amplified the longer the pieces are played without error. 


While within the range of hearing SCP-3330, affected individuals 
aside from the performer experience an inexorable compulsion to 
face directly towards the origin of the sound. The reason for this is 
currently unknown, but it is believed to be a resultant effect of 
cognitohazardous glyphs created from the frequency of the sounds, 
essentially forcing the creation of an audience. Spectrographic 
analysis has revealed multiple instances of [DATA EXPUNGED] 
within the ambient noise of many recordings, which, upon visual 
contact, resulted in a minor Reality Event and a total loss of 
personnel. 


Subjects who survive witnessing an anomalous performance will 
unanimously describe the music as beautiful or poignant, and may 
attempt to expose themselves again if at all possible, despite any 


* SCP-430-2 is to be administered daily doses of aspirin to 
prevent vein thrombosis. SCP-430-2 is to be encouraged to 
perform light exercise within the limits of SCP-430's 
allowance. 

¢ While no Foundation staff is present in the containment cell, 
SCP-430-2 is to have control of the table position, the lighting 
and the hook-conveyor system by means of the slave 
controller, unless deemed otherwise by staff of clearance 
1/430 or higher. This controller is to be disabled from the main 
control panel prior to staff entering SCP-430 containment. 
SCP-430-2 is to be explained the functioning of the controls, 
and be ordered to transport their cell above the sand basin 
prior to urination or defecation. 

« The sand basin is to be cleaned daily. 


In the case of SCP-430-2 expiring, as represented by the lack of 
signal from SCP-430-2 heart rate monitor coupled with visual 
confirmation, no personnel is to enter SCP-430-3 until visual feed 
confirms the presence of former SCP-430-C inside SCP-430; 
subsequently, the remains of previous SCP-430-2 are to be 
removed from SCP-430, and the new SCP-430-2 briefed. 


Protocol Prometheus-11: Prior to being classified SCP-430-C, 
chosen D-class personnel is to sign a printed copy of the following 
document. 

Note: Following Incident 430-1, personnel are to ensure SCP-430-C 
has signed the document with their own name. - Researcher 
Eisenberg 


| hereby of my own will declare that | reject the divine 
mandate of our monarch, 

holding them to no more esteem than the lowest of 
peasants, 

for all men were born equal, and that | support and urge 
my countrymen to rise against feudal tyranny and 

fight for freedom, brotherhood and equality. 
Undersigned. 


Description: SCP-430 is a cylindrical gibbet approximately 3m tall 
and 0.7m in diameter, weighing ca. 800kg, composed of an 
unknown material - SCP-430 resists attempts to obtain bulk material 


and all negative effects experienced while listening to the songs. 
They may also attempt to expose others to the anomalous songs if 
they are around. 


Repeated or extended exposure can cause exceptional recall of the 
complexity of the melody, causing affected victims to hum or make 
noises in accordance to the songs’ layouts. This has been shown to 
propagate the effects to a lesser degree. These effects will in turn 
intensify with the number of affected individuals participating. This is 
considered a memetic hazard and proper dampening headgear is 
advised while interacting with anyone exposed to SCP-3330. 


A number of tests were performed to ascertain the exact effects of 
SCP-3330. Due to the extreme difficulty in performing the pieces, 
individuals were chosen based on prior experience in music theory 
and piano proficiency. Tests were performed in a sound-proofed 
containment chamber modified with Onsite Reality Event Protocol 
measures to minimize unwanted exposure to SCP-3330. 


View SCP-3330 Testing Logs 


Testing logs to be constructed in the following 
format: 

SPECIFIC WORK: 

SUBJECTS: 

DURATION PLAYED: 

TEST RESULTS: 

NOTES: 


SPECIFIC WORK: Atlas Eclipticalus 
SUBJECTS: One (1) D-Class Personnel, 
former concert pianist 

DURATION PLAYED: 5:12/3:15:00 

TEST RESULTS: Within thirty seconds of 
synchronous play, the area surrounding the D- 
Class began to dim, creating what appeared to 
be an inverted visual bloom. After about ninety 
seconds, the bloom faded into black smoke, 
concealing the performer. At exactly two 
minutes fifteen seconds into the test, the 
Hume rating of the surrounding containment