M__ ,abelief that is contradicted by the prior entry for 
SCP-3162. This revelation is the cause of significant 
emotional distress for SCP-3162, who must now re- 
evaluate the state of its professional and personal 
relationship with senior researcher Isaac M 


At the time of this writing, SCP-3162 is updating its own 
entry for the sake of accuracy and safety. 


+ SCP-3162 ARCHIVE [obsolete] 11/4/20 
Item #: SCP-3162 
Object Class: Safe 


Special Containment Procedures Subject to level- 
employee clearance, SCP-3162 is allowed access to Site 
19 and Site 1 . SCP-3162 is subject only to surveillance 
and performance review as befitting a Foundation junior 
researcher. 


Description: SCP-3162 is a human male, born in the 
year 19 . It was acquired by the Foundation following its 
assistance in re-capturing the escaped SCP- _ _duringa 
containment breach in 20 . SCP-3162 preferentially 
requests to be "Doctor C __ ," but will additionally 
respond to "Austin" and "AustinC  ." 


SCP-3162 is, at the time of this writing, in a romantic 
partnership with junior researcher Michelle N 

SCP-3162 and junior researcher Michelle N became 
close friends due to their mutual appreciation of outdoor 
recreation and, after engaging in several hiking trips 
during the summer of 201 , entered into a relationship at 
the summit of Mount .SCP-3162 has been generally 
satisfied with the progression of their relationship, 
however, it is of the belief that junior researcher Michelle 
N _ is potentially interested in more serious future 
relations than SCP-3162 is prepared for, up to and 
including cohabitation and/or marriage within the next 
one (1) year. As a result, SCP-3162 is considering 
ending its romantic partnership with junior researcher 
Michelle N _ in the near future. 


SCP-3162’s suspicions of junior researcher Michelle 

N_ ’s intentions were confirmed during a routine review 
of SCP entries maintained by its supervisor, senior 
researcher Isaac M_ __. SCP-3162 was surprised to find 
a biography of junior researcher Michelle N _ in place of 
its own entry, and while the data therein remains 
unverified, anecdotal evidence suggests that it is largely 
accurate. SCP-3162 had been reassured by junior 
researcher Michelle N on numerous occasions that 
she and senior researcher Isaac M__had never 
engaged in romantic relations. However, information 
gleaned from prior entries of SCP-3162 suggests 
otherwise, a fact that is currently the source of 
considerable emotional distress for SCP-3162. 


In light of this false entry, as well as a similar false entry 
that described the life of senior researcher IsaacM _ , 


SCP-3162 hypothesizes that SCP-3162 itself is a non- 
human memetic construct and potential cognitohazard 
rather than AustinC  ,ahuman. SCP-3162 believes 
that SCP-3162 inhabits the newly-upgraded computer 
terminal located in the office of senior researcher Isaac 
M_ , room 422 of Site 19. 


+ SCP-3162 ARCHIVE [obsolete] 11/6/20 
Item #: SCP-3162 
Object Class: Safe 


Special Containment Procedures: SCP-3162 is to be 
secured in the Class-D housing facility at Site 19, where 
it is subject to all standard Class-D personnel security 
protocols. SCP-3162 is subject to monitoring by a 
standard Class-D subcutaneous tracking implant and 
routine camera surveillance. 


Description: SCP-3162 is an adult human male, born in 
the year 19 . SCP-3162 refers to itself as "T-Bone" or 
"Big T," though a review of public records indicates that 
its legalname is "Timothy R_ ." SCP-3162 was offered a 
position as a Class-D employee at Site 19 as an 
alternative to its impending execution inthe Texas 
Penitentiary. 


Prior to its incarceration in Texas Penitentiary and its 
employment at Site 19, SCP-3162 had never engaged in 
a romantic relationship that lasted for a period exceeding 
five (5) months, with a mean of three (3) weeks (sample 
size N=12, discounting outliers of one (1) day or less). 
During the period of its employment at Site 19, 
SCP-3162 has publicly expressed superficial sexual 
attraction to junior researcher Michelle Non multiple 
occasions, predominantly in her presence. 


At the time of this writing, SCP-3162 is of the opinion that 
senior researcher Dr. Isaac M __ , junior researcher Dr. 
Michelle N_ , and junior researcher Dr. AustinC , 


experiments have been proposed to test this. 

Date: - - 

Subject: Female D-class personnel D-2055 

Procedure: D-2055 was artificially inseminated with material 
produced by SCP-401 during male phase. The product of this was 
allowed to gestate. 

Details: Nine months after conception, D-2055 gave birth to a 
normal human male infant. Though healthy and lacking in any 
unusual physiology, the child has been found to suffer from severe 
myopia, comparable to what was estimated with the eyes of 
SCP-401. The child has since been adopted by AgentR’  F 

who has agreed to bring R-_ Jr. to a Foundation-approved doctor 
for monthly physical examinations. 


Experiment Log 401-2: 


Date: - - 

Subject: Male D-class personnel D-2067 

Procedure: D-2067 was ordered to donate genetic material which 
was used to artificially inseminate SCP-401 at the beginning of its 
female phase. This was allowed to gestate. 

Details: 12 hours after insemination, the uterine bulge in the wrist 
increased in size by 300%. While the other branches continued to 
develop normally for the next two weeks, the inseminated arm 
retained its uterine bulge and vaginal canal. 24 hours prior to 
maturation of male organs, the uterine bulge began contracting until 
a mass of tissue was extracted from the palm. This was thrown over 
the edge of the courtyard by the arm which had given birth. The 
appendage was then shed and absorbed by the roots minutes later. 
After five hours of searching, personnel found the item which was 
thrown: a human urinary bladder with a foetus nestled inside, 
consistent with one that had been gestating for two months. The 
bladder was planted in soil. It germinated two days later and 
became a seedling, equivalent to SCP-401 in structure. The 
organism died of malnutrition one week later, despite being fed 
nutritional supplement 401-NS-3. 


Experiment Log 401-3: 


Date: - - 
Subject: Female D-class personnel D-2081 


have engaged in unjust and potentially abusive actions 
by demanding that SCP-3162 participate in the testing of 
SCPs that it considers unsafe. In addition, SCP-3162 
has noted that deteriorating interpersonal relations 
between the above-mentioned researchers may be 
compromising their judgment, leading to irrational 
behavior and subsequent elevated risk to life and limb for 
SCP-3162. 


SCP-3162 is further of the opinion that given that Drs. 
Isaac M __ etal. have spent the past three (3) hours 
engaging in heated discourse of a sensitive, personal 
nature in the open presence of SCP-3162 and several 
Site 19 security officers, all three of the above-mentioned 
researchers are unqualified to conduct professional 
research of any kind, and would be best relegated to less 
demanding employment positions among the Class-D 
personnel. SCP-3162 posits that the above-mentioned 
researchers would be of best use to the Foundation, and 
society at large, as feed for one of the many carnivorous 
SCPs housed in Site 19. 


SCP-3162 is at this moment verbally expressing these 
opinions at high volume, and appears to be unconcerned 
at the presence of the Site 19 security personnel posted 
in room 422, armed with standard-issue stun batons. 
SCP-3162 believes th 


+ SCP-3162 ARCHIVE [obsolete] 12/22/20 
Item #: SCP-3162 
Object Class: Safe 


Special Containment Procedures: Though SCP-3162 
retains level- employee restricted access to Site 19, it 
has been informally instructed by Oversight to constrain 
its research activities to Site 1 , Site 2, and Site41 asa 
condition of continued employment. 


Description: SCP-3162, referred to as "IsaacM __," 


"Doctor M _ ," or "Izzie," is a senior researcher stationed 
at Site 19. Following a series of complaints by junior 
researchers AustinC and Mickie MichelleN ,anda 
subsequent breakdown of productive communication 
during HR mediation sessions, SCP-3162 was recently 
removed from its position as research team supervisor. 


SCP-3162 was previously married to a human female 
designated as "IsabellaD _." 


SCP-3162 has noted that while the allegations leveled by 
junior researchers Austin C — and Mickie Michelle N 
are largely truthful, SCP-3162 has been treated unjustly 
by Oversight. SCP-3162 believes that its years of 
dedicated service to the Foundation merit greater 
consideration than it has been afforded. SCP-3162 also 
believes that the employment of junior researchers 
AustinC — and Mickie Michelle N should be 
terminated, and that they should be administered doses 
of a class-D amnesiac and released into the general 
population. Furthermore, SCP-3162 believes that its 
previous authority of research team supervisor should be 
reinstated. Instead, as of 12/25/20 , SCP-3162 will be 
relocating to Site 2 at the strong encouragement of 
Oversight. SCP-3162 is aware that it will therefore be 
spending Christmas day alone, and has requested that 
junior researcher Mickie Michelle N cease reminding it 
of this fact. 


While SCP-3162 has decided to keep its opinion of 
Oversight’s decision private, SCP-3162 suspects that 
impending senility may be affecting the judgment of 
several Overseers. SCP-3162 is aware that voicing its 
suspicions would result in immediate retaliation, up to 
and including termination of employment. SCP-3162 will 
therefore keep its opinions to itself. 


SCP-3162 is regretting its decision to run a final test of 
SCP-3162 before its relocation. While SCP-3162 did 
achieve its goal of reaching emotional catharsis, 
SCP-3162 is apprehensive that its candid thoughts 


regarding Oversight may reach certain individuals who 
have ignoble intentions regarding SCP-3162’s continued 
employment. 


SCP-3162 refuses to apologize. 


SCP-3163: The Almanack 


Item #: SCP-3163 
Object Class: Safe 


Special Containment Procedures: SCP-3163 is to be kept in a 
secure Site-19 storage locker. On the first of every month, the full 
text of SCP-3163 is to be recorded and correlated with current 
astronomical and meteorological data, as observed from central 
Pennsylvania. SCP-3163 is to be monitored on a daily basis for 
unexpected edits or updates, and any such deviations are to be 
appended to its monthly record. 


Description: SCP-3163 is a hardbound book, entitled 
"GLATTFELDER’S NEW NORTHTON ALMANACK." SCP-3163 
displays significant signs of wear and use, the most prominent of 
which are overlapping stains on the rear cover, identified as coffee, 
beer, and blood. While the anomalous nature of SCP-3163 
precludes precise dating of its year of publication, chemical and 
historical analyses of the book indicate that SCP-3163 was 
manufactured in late-nineteenth or early-twentieth century America. 


The interior and cover texts of SCP-3163 are mutable, though they 
consistently maintain the semantic structure of a farmer’s almanac. 
The interior text updates itself on the first day of the month, and 
while the title text itself never changes, the year indicated by the 
subheading increments by one every January 1st. As of 01/01/2017, 
the subheading reads "TRUE AND USEFUL PREDICTIONS FOR 
THE YEAR OF OUR LORDE’S ASCENSION, TWO-HUNDRED 
AND FORTY-SIX." 


The first page of SCP-3163 takes the form of a short message, 
addressed to "My Dearest Acolytes and Friends" and signed by 
"Henry lan Glattfelder." There are no records of a Henry lan 
Glattfelder residing in the United States of America, living or 
deceased. The text of the message, reproduced in full in Research 


Log 3163-A, has remained constant through each update. The text 
of the message was observed to change into its current 
configuration on 09/01/2017. Research Log 3163-A has been 
updated to reflect this anomaly. 


There are no records of a town or county named New Northton in 
the United States of America, though astronomical and 
meteorological predictions within SCP-3163 indicate that New 
Northton should be located in central Pennsylvania. However, while 
the timing of real-world eclipses, planetary transits, and lunar cycles 
are consistent with the text of SCP-3163, the item contains 
additional references to "Nyx, the Void-Star of Our Lorde." 
According to SCP-3163, Nyx should occupy a solar orbit between 
Saturn and Uranus. No such object has been detected by historical 
or modern astronomical surveys. 


Though the monthly horoscopes given by SCP-3163 usually offer 
the mundane platitudes and suggestions typical of the genre, some 
unusual entries have been noted. A sample of such entries is listed 
below, in Research Log 3163-B. 


As of 09/25/2017, Foundation astronomers and meteorologists have 
pinpointed the hypothetical location of New Northton to within a 
3000 square kilometer area. Mobile Task Force is prepped to 
explore this area and, if possible, infiltrate New Northton in late 
October, 2017. 


Following loss of contact with Mobile Task Force , Mobile Task 
Force _ is to be deployed for reconnaissance and armed 
intervention to the coordinates provided by Mobile Task Force prior 
to their disappearance. 


Following loss of contact with Mobile Task Force _ , the O5 Council 
initiated Protocol Tipsy Eagle. The United States Bureau of Alcohol, 
Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives has been alerted through back- 
channels to the presence of large weapon stockpiles in the 
suspected area of New Northton, and Mobile Task Force will be 
deployed for non-combat cleanup operations following Federal 
intervention. 


+ Research Log 3163-A: Introductory text 


Introductory text of SCP-3163, pre-09/01/2017 
My Dearest Acolytes and Friends, 


As the Lorde of Nocturne did bestowe the 
Wisdome of Ages unto Me, so too do | 
bestowe unto You, Citizens of New Northton, 
this modest Almanack. The astronomical 
Calculations and Predictions contained herein 
shall aid You in the Upkeep of your Farms, 
ensure the Prosperity of your Shoppes, and 
guide You in the Businesses of Family, 
Commerce, and Worship. 


Those who have kept the Faithe of Our Lorde 
of Nocturne alive and well into the Modern 
Worlde are, indeed, blesséd in His Sight. Good 
Citizens of New Northton, my Friends and 
Students in the Way of Our Lorde, | beseech 
You to hold that Faithe dear in your Hearts, for 
then surely You will prosper and flourish in the 
World that is to come. Though we know not 
the Daye of His Arrival, the Void-Star grows 
ever brighter Night after Night, a sure Sign of 
His burgeoning Immanence. Praise Him, 
Worship Him, and guide your Neighbors in 
such Activities befitting of His Glory. 


With the aide of this holy Book, whose Text is 
inspired in Me direct from the Light of the Void- 
Star, New Northton has been a prosperous 
Township since its Founding in the First Year 
of Our Lorde. As we are now a goode and 
respectable Beacon of Faithe on this 
blasphemous Earth, we shall be raised unto 
the Greatest Glory of Our Lorde when he 
returns from the deepest Reaches of the Void. 
Truly, as His Children, we are the most 
fortunate little Towne in all of America. 


Your Neighbor, your Mayor, and your highest 


Priest of the Lorde of Nocturne, 
Henry lan Glattfelder 


Updated introductory text of SCP-3163, as of 
09/01/2017 


My Dearest Acolytes and Friends,