Hooked tentacles Instances were 
protruding from | observed to prey 
the sediment; the on SCP-3409-2 
nature of the main occasionally. 
body is unknown. 

The longest 

instance is 

estimated to be 

over 15 m jong. 

Large, flat, carpet- None. 

like organism that 

crawls over the 


sediment. 

Floating mass of} Instances 
tentacles appeared 
possessing an infrequently, with 
apparent bladder, only 3 recorded by 
filled with a the drone. 


buoyant gas of 

undetermined 

composition. The 

gas bladder 

appears to be 

protected within a 

shell of 

undetermined 

composition. The 

organism is 

believed to absorb 

nutrients by filter 

feeding. 

Large, unidentified Only one instance 
floating organism, was observed. 
obscured by 


particles in the 
atmosphere. The 
organism is 
estimated to be 
over 1 km long. 

SCP-3409-7 Large, hooked Similar in 
tentacles, of appearance to 
undetermined SCP-3409-3; the 
origin, observed to relationship 


span over the between the two 
upper atmosphere.instances is 
unknown. 
SCP-3409-8 Bipedal organism Only one instance 


[REDACTED]. was recorded. 


The personnel maintaining the facility exhibit no anomalous 
properties. Their bodies display signs of ritualistic mutilation, along 
with tattoos of symbols depicting what appears to be a cacao tree, 
surrounded by three interconnected rings. The subjects were 
identified as missing civilians. Additionally, 12 children were 
recovered from the site, detained in cages outside the facility. 


SCP-3409 came to the attention of the Foundation after 
investigating numerous reports of unexplained disappearances of 
civilians and police officers in adjacent towns. Undercover agents 
followed a family of infected civilians to the facility, and its 
anomalous properties were confirmed after subsequent 
investigations. 


+ Interview Log 3409-1 
Interviewed: POI-3409-21 
Interviewer: Researcher 


Foreword: The subject was identified as 
Lozano __, a biochemical researcher formerly 
employed at Industries. The subject had 
reportedly gone missing a month earlier. 


<Begin Log> 


Researcher  :/ have some questions for you 
regarding your work at the structure. 


POI-3409-21: Fuck you. (spits) Blessed father 
Garrison warned us that you heretics would 
interfere, but we are prepared to die as 
martyrs. 


Researcher — : Explain the nature of your 
operations within the facility. 


POI-3409-21: We are preparing for the second 
coming of the chocolate gods. They are 
angered by the delay of the glorious sacrifice, 
which you sinners are responsible for. What 
we have been doing is an effort to appease 
our overlords, who will strike you heretics 
down with righteous judgment when they 
reenter our world. 


Researcher — : Explain the nature of your 
‘overlords’. What is their nature? 


POI-3409-21: You will refer to them as the 
chocolate gods. 


Researcher =: You mentioned these entities 
wish to enter our world? 


POI-3409-21: Reenter; they were here before. 
They need us as much as we need their divine 
guidance. Their world is dying and they are 
weakened by the great conflict of the deities. 
They blessed us with the secret of chocolate, 
and ask for our devotion in return. They gave 
us the message, SO we may open a gateway 
between our worlds. They wish for our 
festering species to transcend into the 
chocolate realm, so we may be reborn and 
made whole. It is our duty, as the spiritual 
children of the chocolate gods to restore them 


to their former glory. Life eternal will be ours. 
Repent, sinner. Change your ways and you 
too shall be rewarded. 


Researcher — : Explain what you were doing 
with the subjects within the facility. 


POI-3409-21: You speak of the martyrs. Their 
essence appeases the chocolate gods, and 
their harbingers within the chocolate realm. 


Researcher — : What about the children 
discovered on-site? What were you planning to 
do with them? 


POI-3409-21: They were young and would 
have never survived the process. It would 
have been a waste of life; an abomination. 
They would have been raised as one of us; 
trained to be devotees of the chocolate truth. 


Researcher — : What is the nature of the 
spatial anomaly located within the facility? 


POI-3409-21: Proof of your impending 
judgment. 


Researcher _ : Answer the question. 


POI-3409-21: Or what? You'll shoot me? Go 
ahead. Unlike you, we do not fear death. But 
seeing as you will find out either way, | will 
humor you. What you found within the temple 
is an incomplete, false gateway to the 
chocolate realm. Home of the chocolate gods, 
Our gracious overlords. 


Researcher — : How was the anomaly 
created? 


POI-3409-21: The chocolate gods work in 
mysterious ways, but they have bestowed 


much of their secrets to our blessed father 
Garrison. It is through him that we are shown 
the nature of the chocolate realm. 


Researcher : We will discuss your leader in 
a later interview. For now- 


POI-3409-21: Our leader exists in many 
places, in many forms. Using the chocolate of 
transference, he has eyes and ears 
everywhere. Even before you, as we speak. 
He sees through us, and lives through us, just 
as we will live through the chocolate gods. You 
will fail to capture him. 


Researcher — : Explain the nature of your 
loyalty to this person. 


POI-3409-21: The blessed father showed me 
the truth. He showed me that the genetic 
structure of the cacao tree, the giver of 
chocolate, cannot possibly have originated on 
this world. It was a gift from the chocolate 
deities, for which we must be eternally thankful 
for. | did not hesitate to eat his chocolate of 
salvation. If you were truly a man of science, 
you too would realize this truth. 


Researcher ~ : Alright, let's try something 
else. You were harvesting the substance 
produced by the subjects imprisoned within the 
facility. What, exactly, do you hope to achieve 
by distributing it to civilians? 


POI-3409-21: You speak of the chocolate of 
repentance. The sacred blood of 
<UNKNOWN: "Shimbul'liera">, the giver of life, 
and blessed mother of <UNKNOWN: 
"Narzeil'larmarg">, the fallen, youngest of the 
chocolate gods, but in no way the least of 
them. The accursed false gods tried to destroy 


his body during the conflict of the deities, 
millennia ago, but failed to destroy him 
completely. Such is the magnificence of the 
chocolate gods. We shall use it to bring 
salvation to humanity and restore the fallen 
one. 


Researcher — : | don't understand what that 
means- 


POI-3409-21: You will. If you wish to be saved, 
you would be wise to eat it, and feed it to the 
rest of the desecrators. Soon, chocolate will 
rain from the heavens, and the holy denizens 
of the chocolate realm will pour through, and 
claim what is rightfully theirs. Prepare, sinner, 
for his judgment is most severe. 


<End Log> 


Closing Statement: POI-3409-21 refused to 
answer subsequent questions, even when 
subjected to enhanced interrogation. 


+ Interview Log 3409-2 
Interviewed: POI-3409-22 
Interviewer: Dr. 


Foreword: One of the children recovered from 
the site of SCP-3409 was interviewed to 
determine the nature of their detainment. The 


subject was identified as , aged 10 
years. 

<Begin Log> 

Dr. :Good day, . How are you feeling? 


POI-3409-22: Who are you? Where is this 
place? 


Dr. : I'm a doctor. This is a hospital. I'm 
here to help you, but you need to tell me what 
happened so | can understand how to help 
you. 


POI-3409-22: Have you seen my parents? 
They were taken into the building by the 
people who caught me. 


Dr. : Yes, we have doctors treating them. 
Can you tell me what happened? 


POI-3409-22: | don't know. My family started 
getting sick one day. | woke up in bed, and my 
whole body was sore like | had the flu. The 
next thing | remembered was that | was at the 
building. There were other children. I- | thought 
| was dreaming, but | knew it was real. My 
hands looked all weird. There were these 
people talking. Then they took all the kids one 
by one and fed them some chocolate. After | 
ate it, | started feeling better. But they put us in 
cages and wouldn't tell us anything, or let us 
see our parents. But they said that they were 
our new family, and | got really scared. 


Dr. : It's okay. you're safe now. Can you 
tell me what happened during the time? 


POI-3409-22: They sometimes talked ina 
weird language so we couldn't understand 
them, and they just gave us nothing but 
chocolate to eat. They forced us to say, uh, 
prayers in their language, and told us we 
wouldn't get to eat if we refused. | saw them 
drag a police officer into the building once. He 
was, like, half asleep or something, and 
couldn't fight back. | don't know what 
happened to him. After two days the police 
came... and then- and then- there was 
shooting- 


attack again, but | don't want to be in their nesting areas anymore, if 
that's alright with you. I've got no interest in reinforcing the idea to 
these lovelies that us apes are threats... any more than we already 
have, that is. 


B-6335 was allowed permission to leave, and reported being 
observed but unmolested by four instances of SCP-440-3. 5m from 
the airlock, he discovered the corpse of D-58243, who had tried to 
crawl away. As per standard procedure, both B-6335 and D-58243 
were stripped and decontaminated of all SCP-440 grains. 


Footnotes 

1. D-6335 was 'promoted' from the D-Class ranks on 10/2/ by 
order of O5- . A highly unorthodox decision; O5- cited D-6335's pre- 
incarceration history of hunting large game and repeated successes 
interacting with SCP-440 and its denizens made him vital to 
understanding and containing SCP-440. As the exact terms and 
scale of his promotion are currently under consideration, he has 
been given the interim title of 'Beta Class’. 

2. SCP-440-2, a species resembling a rocky cephalopod. 

3. SCP-440-1, a small bug-like creature. 

4. Specimens of SCP-440-1 live in hollowed-out floating rocks, 
chained to the floor via 'ladders' of SCP-440-1. Colonies undulate 
consistently, collectively agitating the ambient SCP-440 into tight 
‘jetstreams' of SCP-440. 

5. The informal term for the large rocks composed of coalesced 
SCP-440 that float aimlessly in the enclosure 

6. At no time did the Foundation authorize the capture of any 
SCP-440-3. It was not until this exploration that the species were 
known to the Foundation. 


Dr. : It's alright, |. Take your time. 


POI-3409-22: Then the police found us and 
took us here... | want to see my parents. 


Dr. : Thank you for your time, _ . I'll see 
what we can do. 


<End Log> 


Closing Statement: Subsequent 
investigations of the subject's residence 
revealed unmarked candy wrappers. Analysis 
indicated traces of chocolate contaminated 
with SCP-3409-A. 


Addendum 3409-1: The following document was discovered in the 
office of SCP-3409. Investigations indicated that the handwriting 
belonged to confectioner Garrison.‘ All attempts to locate the 
subject has been met with failure. The document is listed as follows. 


No. Your "best" isn't good enough. 


You will ask the chocolate gods for repentance for 
uttering such insolence to me, their blessed messenger. 
No more excuses; gather more sacrifices. They are 
growing impatient. Your faith is strong. | felt it the 
moment | chose you. As such, you must not fail me. We 
must complete this project as soon as possible, as time 
is precious. The chocolate gods are dying, because of 
our infidelity. Because of those accursed heretics. A 
future without the light of the chocolate gods is a dead 
future. They breathed their life into us with the gift of 
chocolate and our diseased species thanked them by 
spitting in their faces and shutting them out. Does that 
not sicken you? Don't you dare call yourself my acolyte, 
unless you are going to give your absolute best to further 
Our cause. 


Find more martyrs by any means necessary. We need at 


least a hundred. Spare any children captured. Sacrificing 
them early would be a waste of potential; the adults 
would make better sacrifices. If need be, sacrifice some 
of the devotees under your command. Gain the trust of 
the children, and enlighten them with the chocolate truth. 
More followers will undoubtedly please the chocolate 
gods, and replace the ones that were martyred. 


Stay strong, my children, and you will be rewarded with 
eternal life. We must find enough martyrs to awaken the 
blessed harbinger of the chocolate realm, the mighty 
Narzeil'larmarg, the incarnation of the living message. 
Once we retrieve what was ours, we shall pave the path 
for the rest of the chocolate gods. This world will soon be 
made clean once more. 


Holy, holy, holy, are the denizens of the chocolate realm. 
Sing praise to the chocolate gods, feast upon the 
chocolate of salvation, and give offerings to 
Shimbul'liera, my children. The great reckoning is nigh. 


Garrison, messenger of the chocolate gods. 


Footnotes 

1. This group consists of 21 missing civilians,7 homeless individuals, 
5 police officers, and 3 cult members. 

2. The subjects chant repeatedly as a result of the infection, ignoring 
all external stimuli. 

3. With the exception of light originating from the terrestrial side of 
SCP-3409-B. 

4. The subject is listed as a person of interest regarding an 
additional anomaly, designatedSCP-3974. Personnel with the 
appropriate clearance level may consult the documentation for the 
event for more information. 


SCP-3410: "It's just fucking golf!" 


Item #: SCP-3410 
Object Class: Euclid 


Special Containment Procedures: SCP-3410 is to be kept in an 
inanimate item storage locker equipped with motion-sensing 
devices. When vibration is detected, the liaison at the Unusual 
Incidents Unit's Foxburg office must be immediately notified of the 
activation event. The object is housed at Site 179 due to the Site's 
proximity to SCP-3410's target area of activation. 


Site 179 staff must include at least one individual who is able to play 
a nine-hole game of golf, and who owns at least one share of stock 
in the Quaker State oil company. It is recommended that multiple 
personnel fulfilling these criteria be available. Qualifying personnel 
must familiarize themselves with Procedure 410-Charleston. As 
repeated exposure has been found to increase an individual's 
susceptibility to the item's influence, no individual should be a 
participant in Procedure 410-Charleston on more than three 
occasions. 


Description: SCP-3410 is a hand-hammered gutta percha rubber 
golf ball, a type commonly used near the end of the 19th century. Its 
surface is marked with a semi-regular rectangular grid pattern; the 
initials MC&D are stamped along one seam. It shows signs of wear 
consistent with occasional use, but has not noticeably aged since its 
acquisition by the Bureau of Investigations in 1931. 


Activation events occur between three months and three years after 
the most recent activation event. SCP-3410 will begin to vibrate, 
producing an audible rattle or rustle against surfaces or within 
containers. After approximately 24 hours, this vibration will abruptly 
cease, and SCP-3410 will translocate into the vicinity of the current 
owner (hereafter SCP-3410-A) of the Foxburg Country Club in 
Foxburg, PA. It will continue to reappear in this manner while active, 


regardless of having been damaged or destroyed.