Special Containment Procedures: The entire known supply of 
SCP-3802 is contained in a secure container at Site-42 awaiting 
transport to Site-81. Testing of SCP-3802-Alpha has been 
suspended due to the consistency of its anomalous effect. Testing of 
SCP-3802-Beta has been suspended due to resource concerns and 
is pending approval before resuming. 


Investigation into the parapharmacologist/Pol known as “dado” is 
ongoing. 


Description: SCP-3802 is an anomalous, low-viscosity liquid with a 
pink coloration contained in a white plastic bottle. The bottle has 
been labeled "hare growth by dado" in black permanent marker. 


SCP-3802’s anomalous effect manifests in two fashions: 


Alpha: When SCP-3802 is applied to the scalp of a bald child, a 
large tumor rapidly grows on the subject's scalp over the course of 
thirty seconds to one minute; this process is painless to the subject. 
This tumor takes the shape and size of an infant hare (genus: 
lepus), animates, grows fur, and separates from the subject.! This 
separation has left no scarring in 100% of test cases. Upon 
dissection, it has been found that these hares are physically 
identical to non-anomalous hares, yet are shown to be genetically 
identical to their human host. 


SCP-3802-A instances are strongly bonded with their host; they 
exhibit lavish affection and playfulness with their host and extreme 
duress when separated from them. 


Beta: When SCP-3802 is applied to the scalp of a bald adult, 


multiple large tumors rapidly grow on various parts of the subject’s 
body over the course of one hour; this process is extremely painful 
to the subject. These tumors take the shape and size of fully-grown 
Flemish Giant rabbits (genus: O. cuniculus domesticus), animate, 
grow fur, and separate from the subject.2 This separation completely 
removed the crown of the head as well as other separation points of 
the subject. Dissection and genetic testing results were identical to 
SCP-3802-A instances. 


The SCP-3802-B instances are similarly bonded with their host; this 
is despite the fact that their host died during separation and without 
regard to their own cleanliness. 


Instances of SCP-3802-A and SCP-3802-B both display 
anomalously rapid growth of fur, far beyond that of their non- 
anomalous counterparts. It is unknown if this effect was intentional. 


Addendum SCP-3802.1: Discovery 


SCP-3802 was discovered when Foundation agents monitoring local 
news sites came across the headline, "You Won't Believe What 
Hopped Out of This Boy's Head!" on the website of Minneapolis, MN 
news affiliate KARE.° Foundation agents traveled to the hospital 
where the event was said to have occurred and found a ward full of 
children playing with hares. A parent demonstrated SCP-3802 in 
action on his child for the agents and described a nurse giving him 
the phone number that led him to order the bottle of SCP-3802. All 
present were amnesticized and all SCP-3802-A instances were 
removed from the scene. The nurse was not found. 


Addendum SCP-3802.2: Transcription of Phone Call 


Foundation agents were able to retrieve a recording of the phone 
call between the parent and dado. 


[BEGIN LOG] 
Phone ringing 


Unknown Voice: Yes hello, you have reached dado, 
home of fine dado product and also eat-at-home 


restaurant. What are you to be needing today? 
Parent: Ummm.. hi? | was given this number by- 


Unknown Voice: Yes good, dado has many friends who 
get the people who need the products to the number that 
has the products from dado, what products from dado 
will you want to be needing? 


Parent: Well, my daughter had cancer, and- 


Unknown Voice: So you want dado to cure the cancer, | 
see what you are saying and although this will be very 
tricky for dado, dado is the cleverest thinker so I- 


Parent: No, that's not what I'm saying, | know that's not 
possible. My daughter has already had her surgery and 
is going through chemo, and all of her hair has fallen out. 
She's being as strong as she can be, but she's only 
twelve, and | know how kids can be to a girl who's lost 
her hair. 


Unknown Voice: Ah! You want dado to make the grow 
the hare, make her very smile instantly, yes? 


Parent: Can you do it? 


Unknown Voice: Of course can dado do it; you need to 
trust dado! 


Parent: Oh my gosh! Thank you so much!! 


Unknown Voice: dado will send you Amazon Prime 
tomorrow, no need to pay, dado do this for you bone pro 
no. 


Parent hangs up phone 
Clattering sound 


Unknown Voice: (slightly muffled) Single bottle for rush 
order, simple, mix the scale, the hare for the kid, and 


dado no need to worry because it not to be used on 
adults no way. 


Phone cuts out 
[END LOG] 
Addendum SCP-3802.3: Related Extranormal Event 


One week after recovery of SCP-3802, multiple billboards in the 
Minneapolis area were anomalously altered to include 
advertisements for the “hare club for kids by dado.” The agencies in 
charge of the billboards were unaware of the change and had no 
record of communication from dado.§ 


Footnotes 

1. Instance is now known as SCP-3802-A. 

2. Instances are now known as SCP-3802-B. 

3. This was seen as cause to suspend further testing pending 
review. 

4. Fur growth does parallel that of angora rabbits. (genus: 
Oryctolagus) 

5. Disinformation Campaign Status:In Progress 

6. Disinformation Campaign Status:In progress 


shortly after reconstitution. 


Memo 493-BA: "Request by Dr. to 'show him what an 
unpleasant death is' denied. No, | don't care that he'll survive it; we 
don't need even more of these running around." 


« SCP-492 | SCP-493 | SCP-494 » 


SCP-3803: Custom-Made Business Cards, On the 
Go! 


Item #: SCP-3803 
Object Class: Safe 


Special Containment Procedures: SCP-3803 is currently held ina 
secure container within Site 55's Low-Risk Item Storage. All 
instances of SCP-3803-1 are to be incinerated after testing is 
concluded. 


Following Incident 3803-1221, testing with SCP-3803 may only be 
conducted with written permission from three Level-4 Personnel. 
SCP-3803 is currently being held shut with a rubber band to be 
placed within a custom-made container with secure notches and an 
overhead weight to ensure the object remains shut while contained. 


Description: SCP-3803 is a standard size portable business card 
case made of brushed aluminum with a felt interior. The exterior is 
silver in color and decorated with a small engraving of the object's 
manufacturer; "APP Inc". SCP-3803 opens and closes with an 
interference fit latch, the tab of which has become unreliable 
following a containment breach (See Incident 3803-1221 for details). 


When SCP-3803 is opened it will produce 10 business cards unique 
to the subject opening it, referred to as SCP-3803-1. Instances of 
SCP-3803-1 are made of high-grade cardstock, possess simple 
designs, and are double-backed. The contents of SCP-3803-1 list 
professional information of the subject; listing one's affiliation and 
position in the front, with contact information on the back (if 
applicable). SCP-3803 will continue to produce instances of 
SCP-3803-1 containing the information of the subject who opened it, 
with more instances manifesting if the object is kept open. Additional 
instances manifest in tens every thirty seconds. 


Addendum 1: Testing Logs 


+ Show Testing Logs 


Note: Foundation personnel's contact information; 
typically appearing on instances of SCP-3803-1, has 
been expunged from records for their privacy. 


Subject: Researcher Bellus 

Title on SCP-3803-1: Level-3 Researcher, 
SCP Foundation 

Instances Produced: 10 


Subject: Dr. Xuen 

Title on SCP-3803-1: Containment Specialist, 
SCP Foundation 

Instances Produced: 10 


Subject: Junior Researcher Callaway 

Title on SCP-3803-1: In Over Her Head, SCP 
Foundation 

Instances Produced: 10 

Note: This is the first occurrence of SCP-3803 
producing an instance of SCP-3803-1 not 
reflecting an accurate title. It is possible that 
SCP-3803 is capable of sensing one's 
perceived position as opposed to 'knowing' 
one's official title. 


Subject: Researcher Palacio 

Title on SCP-3803-1: Level-4 Researcher/ 
Catering Expert 

Instances Produced: 20 

Note: Researcher Palacio is a self-admitted 
amateur chef. SCP-3803 was held open for 
longer than any previously performed test and 
is the first recorded instance of producing 
more than 10 SCP-3803-1 instances. 


Subject: Dr. Jonas 

Title on SCP-3803-1: Traitor, GOC 
Instances Produced: 10 

Note: Dr. Jonas defected from the Global 


Occult Coalition in 20 , and expressed 
discontent with the results of the test. Dr. 
Jonas requested a repeat of the test. 


Subject: Dr. Jonas 

Title on SCP-3803-1: Quisling, GOC 
Instances Produced: 10 

Note: Dr. Jonas requested a third attempt to 
repeat the test. 


Subject: Dr. Jonas 

Title on SCP-3803-1: Judas, GOC 
Instances Produced: 10 

Note: Dr. Jonas refused another attempt at 
testing. The results of the most recent 
experiments further belief in what was 
hypothesized following the Callaway 
experiment. 


Subject: D-99963 

Title on SCP-3803-1: Serial Arsonist/ 
Cashier 

Instances Produced: 20 

Note: The instances of SCP-3803-1 
possessed the location of D-99963's Cell 
within Site 55 instead of contact information. 
SCP-3803-1 also displayed the subject's birth 
name and D-Class designation. This remains 
constant for almost all further tests performed 
with D-Class subjects. 


Subject: D-99963 

Title on SCP-3803-1: Serial Arsonist/Human 
Guinea Pig 

Instances Produced: 10 

Note: D-99963 was administered Class C 
Amnestics to erase memories of her criminal 
activities before coming under Foundation 
control. The produced instances of 
SCP-3803-1 still listed her as a ‘Serial 
Arsonist', but also added 'Human Guinea Pig’. 


The subject's birth name was no longer listed 
on SCP-3803-1, only their D-class designation. 
It is possible that SCP-3803 may, in fact, 
possess a level of omniscience. 


Subject: D-008 

Title on SCP-3803-1: Cannibal/Human 
Guinea Pig 

Instances Produced: 10 

Note: D-008 was not administered amnestics 
prior to the experiment. 


Subject: D-627 

Title on SCP-3803-1: Innocent/Accountant, 
Bank 

Instances Produced: 10 

Note: Investigation on D-627's background 
produced an extensive legal battle over the 
subject's involvement in the murder of 4 
individuals in , Virginiain2 . Itis 
currently unknown if SCP-3803's labeling of 
D-627 as ‘innocent’ means the subject is 
actually innocent or if the subject only believes 
himself to be. 


Subject: D-5400 

Title on SCP-3803-1: Human Guinea Pig/ 
Business Card Extraordinaire 

Instances Produced: 3,500 

Note: SCP-3803 seemed to be aware of the 
intentions of the test with D-5400; to test the 
yielding capacity of the object over an 
extended period of time. 


Subject: D-743 

Title on SCP-3803-1: Human Guinea Pig/ 
Business Card Tycoon 

Instances Produced: 8,000 


Subject: D-1221 
Title on SCP-3803-1: Absolute Buffoon/ 


Enemy of Nature 

Instances Produced: 12,000 Estimated over 
2 billion 

Note: See Incident 3803-1221 Report. 


Addendum 2: Incident 3803-1221 Report 


+ Open Report 


Following the last experiment with D-1221 utilizing 
SCP-3803, the object was placed in its designated 
container and stored. D-1221 failed to properly shut the 
object, as its latch had not locked into place fully and 
was slightly ajar. As SCP-3803 remained in an active 
state, it continued to manifest instances of SCP-3803-1 
and quickly filled its container beyond capacity; ultimately 
leading to the destruction of the container. 


Due to the minimal security measures in Site 55's Low- 
Risk Item Storage and the low foot traffic in the area, the 
continued production of SCP-3803-1 instances went 
unnoticed for several days until Dr. Everwood attempted 
to enter the Low-Risk Item Storage and was buried 
under thousands of SCP-3803-1 instances. Dr. 
Everwood sustained minor injuries and was rescued by 
responding security personnel. Through the combined 
efforts of 2 security and 5 D-Class personnel, SCP-3803 
was recovered and production of SCP-3803-1 stopped. 


The object was examined following retrieval; it was noted 
that the latch used in SCP-3803's open-closing 
mechanism had been bent as a result of its constant 
manifestation of SCP-3803-1 instances. Though the 
object will still shut, it has difficulties remaining closed 
and will often come ajar. The creation of a custom-made 
case to keep SCP-3803 from opening while not under 
direct supervision has been commissioned. SCP-3803 is 
currently being held shut with a rubber band. 


All instances of SCP-3803-1 from incident 3803-1221 
contain the same information as the previously recorded 
12,000 instances from the last test. All recovered 
instances from the incident have been incinerated. 
Following the incident, Site 55's Low-Risk Item Storage 
has been outfitted with security cameras and guards 
have been assigned to patrol the area. 


Update: On / /2006, satellite images of the Amazon 
Rainforest in Rond6énia, Brazil were brought to the 
Foundation's attention. The images display a 
dramatically accelerated rate of deforestation in the area 
over a short period of time. The captured images are 
dated / /2003 (five days before SCP-3803 was 
contained) and / /2005 (fourteen days after Incident 
3803-1221). 


It is currently unknown if SCP-3803 and Incident 
3803-1221 are the cause of the sudden mass 
deforestation. Additional tests to confirm a correlation are 
currently pending approval. Investigation of the logging 
activities in Rondénia's Amazon basin revealed supplier 
contracts with Avelar Professional Products 
Incorporated, shortened to 'APP Inc’. The Foundation is 
currently in talks with the Brazilian government to 
negotiate the cessation of all logging in the area to allow 
a more thorough investigation. 


SCP-3806: | AM AWAITED IN VALHALLA! 


Item #: SCP-3806 
Object Class: Safe 


Special Containment Procedures: Instances of SCP-3806 are to 
be secured with padlocks and automated surveillance systems. 
Should any unauthorized individuals gain or attempt to gain entry to 
any SCP-3806 instance, they are to be apprehended, debriefed, and 
administered Class-A amnestics. 


Test subjects must be psychologically screened. Individuals with a 
recent or current history of depressive disorders and suicidal 
ideation are ineligible for testing. Foundation personnel may 
volunteer for testing, with preference being given to the terminally ill, 
elderly, and those working in fields with high mortality rates. 


Description: SCP-3806 are mausoleums approximately the same 
dimensions as a telephone booth, with a 13-digit phone number 
inscribed above the entrance. These mausoleums are always found 
in cemeteries or graveyards where their appearance is 
unremarkable, with known instances worldwide. 


Within each instance is a rotary payphone, circa 1950, unconnected 
to any phone lines or power source. If an individual places a fiat coin 
of any denomination into the coin slot and dials the number written 
above the doorway, they will be connected to SCP-3806-A. No 
detectable signals are transmitted or received during these calls. 


Auditory analysis of SCP-3806-A indicates it is most likely female, 
between the ages of 65 and 85, and suffers from Reinke's edema, 
presumably caused by long-term tobacco use. It will always speak to 
the caller in their native language and dialect. Simultaneous testing 
has resulted in callers being put on hold', suggesting that 
SCP-3806-A is a singular entity confined to normal space-time.