FUCK THIS THERE'S NO 
SCP-022-J-2 THERE'S 
NOTHING WRONG WITH ME 
ANYONE REASONABLE 
WOULD FUCKING FREAK OUT 
WHEN SEEING THE FIFTIETH 
SCP PROPOSAL CALLING FOR 
A FIVE FOOT THICK TITANIUM 
WALLS YOUD HAVE PUNCHED 
HIM TOO I'LL GIVE THEM 
TITANIUM IN THEIR DAMN 
FACES WITH A TITANIUM 
DILDO THIS IS A TITANIUM 
CONSPIRACY TO SELL MORE 
TITANIUM WHATEVER FUCK 
THEY MAKE OF TITANIUM | 


WILL SHOW THEM WHO'S 
BEfrvt cgdfrrrrrrrrrrrrrgswr6 7u 


Addendum 022-J-1: 


Incident 022-J-1: 

Foreword: On /07/201 , while working on SCP-022-J 
report, Researcher Eisenberg, further referred to as 
subject, succumbed to the effects of SCP-022-J-2. 
Transcript of security camera footage follows. 
<BEGIN LOG> 

<19:00> Subject begins work on SCP-022-J report. 
<19:30> Subject commences chewing on a pencil. 
<19:41> Subject bites pencil through. 

<19:44> Subject ceases spitting out splinters, curses 
loudly. 

<19:49> Subject loosens his tie, takes out an 
unidentified pill, and swallows it, taking a drink from 
nearby flowerpot, slumping on the chair. 

<19:54> Subject resumes work. 

<20:38> Subject's typing rate increases. 

<20:39> Subject begins bashing the keyboard with his 
fists. 

<20:40> Subject tears out keyboard from workstation, 
and runs out into the joining hall, screaming incoherently. 
<20:45> Subject uses keyboard to assault a security 
guard, yelling "I'LL GIVE YOU TITANIUM CAGES I'LL 
GIVE YOU TITANIUM TITS YOU CUNTWHACKED 
ASSCHEEKS", and is promptly subdued. 

<END LOG> 

Closing Statement: Researcher Eisenberg was 
restrained, and isolated in Section-5 Medical Wing on 
Site-19. Researcher Eisenberg's 2/022-J clearance was 
revoked, and he is relieved of his duties until his mental 
state stabilizes. Work on SCP-022-J documentation 
overhaul has been suspended, and the existing 
document classified as a Lethe-class infohazard. 


Footnotes 
1. Creating new plant and insect species to be planted in such areas 
is recommended. 


SCP-5040-J: Striped Gangs 


Item #: SCP-5040-J 
Object Class: Euclid 


Special Containment Procedures: All specimens of SCP-5040-J 
are to be contained at Site-129. SCP-5040-J-1 specimens are to be 
housed on the east side of the Site, and SCP-5040-J-2 specimens 
are to be housed on the west side. Minimal cost is to be expended in 
containing and feeding all specimens of SCP-5040-J, but it is of 
utmost importance that two groups be kept separated. 


Although isolated populations of SCP-5040-J are widespread in 
developed countries, their tendency to accidentally trap themselves 
in small invisible boxes should make them quite easy to remand into 
containment en masse. Major Mimes-1 through -28 are to be the 
primary targets for containment. 


Researcher's Note: Well, we were wrong about THAT. 
Major Mime-11 has been lost, and with him nearly the 
entire North American supply of white gloves and black 
berets. 


Description: SCP-5040-J is an abnormal extant subspecies of late- 
modern hominid, likely descended from Central European 
haplotypes. Specimens exhibit a gracile body type, dark hair, and 
extremely pale skin coloration with odd black markings on the face. 
All specimens are mute, communicating with an unnervingly fluid 
manner of body language that has yet to be translated. The reason 
for their silence continues to elude Foundation research. 


Specimens of SCP-5040-J possess telekinetic abilities which are 
present from adolescence. These manifest as the willful creation of 
seemingly invisible objects with which only SCP-5040-J can interact. 
Typical instances of these objects take the forms of ropes, weights, 
and gusts of wind. SCP-5040-J display a high degree of control over 


the creation of their objects. On rare occasions, their abilities turn 
against them, causing them to become stuck behind invisible walls 
or inside of invisible boxes. 


Culturally, SCP-5040-J has divided into two major gangs, each 
comprised of over 3000 members worldwide. SCP-5040-J-1, "the 
Zigs," wear garments designed with black stripes on white, while 
SCP-5040-J-2, "the Zags," wear clothing covered with white stripes 
on black. While it is apparent that the objects they create are unable 
to affect normal matter, members of each gang frequently use their 
telekinetic abilities to injure and kill members of the other gang in 
petty disputes. The most common areas of conflict between 
SCP-5040-J-1 and SCP-5040-J-2 revolve around street corner 
territory, available females, and valuable resources such as gloves 
and berets that remain scarce in a post-Mime-11 world. 


Addendum: What follows is the transcript of a crudely taped video 
address given by a delegate from SCP-5040-J-1 to Foundation 
personnel. 


(SCP-5040-J-1-M salutes with an odd hand gesture.) 
SCP-5040-J-1-M: ...! 

(He begins pacing, stroking his beard.) 
SCP-5040-J-1-M: 0... ee ee cee 

(He swivels on his left foot and turns the other way.) 
SEP SOA a Weds Mate teres vert ere erie verter ee 
(He faces the camera and pounds his fist into his palm.) 
SCP-5040-J-1-M: ooo... ce ee ee — 

(He stops suddenly, looks up, and then cowers from 
something unknown above him that appears to be 
drawing closer.) 

SCP-5040-J-1-M: ....! 0.0... ern aye | 
(SCP-5040-J-1-M is squashed flat by a large invisible 
weight.) 

(A specimen of SCP-5040-J-2 peers in from off screen 
and covers his mouth as though laughing.) 

(Tape ends.) 


Addendum: The Foundation has begun an "F# Nordic-sememe"- 
class campaign to raise subliminal public awareness about the 


threat that an extended SCP-5040-J gang war would pose to 
humanity at large and all that is good and not annoyingly creepy. 


Researcher's Note: SCP-5040-J is nothing to worry 
about. It's probably mimetic or something. 


of SCP- , much less how SCP- has anything in common with 
SCP-544. More startling is 544's mentioning of the specific lat/long 
of Foundation Overwatch. In response to Event 544-423245, 
SCP-544 has been upgraded to Euclid status. 


Addendum-2: Event 544-Beta 


On 09/15/20 at 4:01am, the current bearer of SCP-544 (D-64349) 
was seen walking around the medical cell he had been contained in 
due to acommon illness. Conversation with D-64349, speaking 
through SCP-544, began shortly thereafter. To date, there have 
been attempts to forcibly re-create the events of 544-Beta, with no 
success. 


Dr. : Up and about, 64349? Feeling better? 
D-64349: (long pause) Buried. 

Dr. : Excuse me? 

D-64349: (unintelligible) 

Dr. : Please repeat yourself. 


D-64349: (long pauses between words begin here and 
continue throughout the conversation) Perversion. 
Corruption of the method. | am trod under those who 
exist to serve me. 


Dr. : (realizes he's not talking with D-64349) What 
method are you speaking of? Does the person I'm talking 
to exist to serve you? 


D-64349: Touch the stone. Become my voice. Speak my 
truths and my rules to the people. | warned them. 
Popocatépetl2 was the warning. Warning of corruption. 
Arrival. Destruction. 


Dr. : What happened? 


D-64349: (extremely long pause) My voice was not 
protected. Pretenders to my Glory usurped me. 


SCP-729-J: Peep Peep, Motherfucker 


Item #: SCP-729-J 


Object Class: Keter Thaumiel (Guys, you're hurting his feelings! 
He's just trying to help!) 


Special Containment Procedures: SCP-729-J currently resides in 
Dr. Niles Hessen's office on her desk. Where, pray to god, it will 
stay. Request testing at your own risk. It breaches containment at an 
alarming frequency, but even MTF Nu-7 ("Hammer Down") refused 
to go near the fucking thing, so it does whatever the hell it wants. 
We are all at its mercy. Dr. Hessen has been commanded to turn in 
SCP-729-J for it to be properly contained...as soon as someone can 
get up the courage to write her an email. 


Description: SCP-729-J is SUPPOSED to be a toy, but | want to 
know who the sick fuck was that wanted to give this thing to 
children. The label SAYS it's made of polyester fiber, but we all 
know it's made of the devil's couch stuffing. Or something. 


Its reign of terror began during a containment breach of SCP-106. 
SCP-106 had managed to trap Dr. Hessen in her office and had 
successfully corroded a hole in the door when it caught sight of that 
goddamn thing SCP-729-J. SCP-106 stopped moving completely 
and began staring at SCP-729-J, showing no interest in Dr. Hessen. 
SCP-106 then began moving backwards out of Dr. Hessen's office, 
never breaking visual contact with that eldritch horror SCP-729-J, 
until it reached the end of the hall and promptly rematerialized back 
in its containment cell. It should be noted that SCP-106's middle 
fingers were raised for the entirety of the encounter with SCP-729-J. 
SCP-106's reaction is, frankly, perfectly understandable, and several 
researchers who witnessed the event were found huddling with 
SCP-106 in its containment cell. 


TESTING LOGS: 


SCP-2006 


Effects: SCP-2006 screeched upon being introduced, 
and assumed a form identical to SCP-729-J. SCP-2006 
has not changed form since the encounter. 


SCP-1548 


Effects: Still images of SCP-729-J were encrypted, 
transmuted into binary, and broadcasted to SCP-1548. 
Broadcast was immediately followed by SCP-1548 
reversing direction. Messages transmitted from 
SCP-1548 consisted mainly of incoherent cursing and 
expressions of dismay. Excerpt of response below: 


WHAT. THE FUCK. GET THAT THING THE HELL 
AWAY FROM ME. NOTHING SHOULD BE THAT... 
THAT... | DON'T KNOW! IT DOESN'T EVEN HAVE A 
GODDAMN MOUTH! HOW IS THAT NOT FUCKED 
UP!? GOD, AND IT HAS ALL THESE WEIRD ROUND 
EDGES, AND IT WON'T STOP WATCHING ME, OH 
GOD | WANNA GO HOME. 


SCP-1322 


Effects: SCP-729-J was sent through the wormhole to 
the SCP-1322 society. It was returned 6 minutes later, 
tied to a white flag. 


SCP-303 


Effects: When Dr. Hessen was told to walk through a 
door with 303 on the other side while holding SCP-729-d, 
SCP-303 promptly opened the door for Dr. Hessen and 
ushered her through before quickly exiting the room, with 
Dr. Hessen showing no sign of the usual fear response. 
SCP-303 was found six hours later in an abandoned 
storage closet in a fetal position, sucking its thumb. 


SCP-1048 


Effects: When exposed to SCP-729-U, all copies made 


by SCP-1048 became immobile and have not regained 
mobility since exposure. SCP-1048 appeared alarmed by 
this, making a gesture like the sign of the cross, and 
retreated behind its copies. SCP-1048 regained the 
ability to make copies of itself wnen SCP-729-J was 
removed. It now frequently produces art that depict 
SCP-729-J as monstrous in some form, and cowers if 
shown a picture of SCP-729-J. 


Not even the teddy? Aww... Poor Mr. Buns. He just wants some 
friends! - Dr. Hessen 


Try 2317. Maybe then that hellbeast can be with its own kind. -Dr. 
Yvaine 


It wouldn't play with him either! - Dr. Hessen 
... My god. - Dr. Yvaine 
Interview Log: 

Interviewed: Dr. Hessen 

Interviewer: Dr. Yvaine 


Foreword: SCP-729-J was "contained," if you can call it 
that, in Dr. Hessen's purse, despite multiple pleas to 
please just put the goddamn thing away. 


<Begin Log> 


Dr. Yvaine: Dr. Hessen. Tell us the means by which you 
obtained SCP-729-J. 


Dr. Hessen: | mean, it was a little gift | ordered for 
myself online. Easter, you know? 


Dr. Yvaine: Nothing odd at all about its manufacturing? 
Dr. Hessen: Nope! 


Dr. Yvaine: And yet we've scoured the factory where it 


was made for evidence of satanic rituals. Odd. 


Dr. Hessen: But yeah, he... came in the mail! It was one 
of the special scented ones. 


Dr. Yvaine: Dear god... [Addressing Dr. Hessen's purse] 
- I'm sorry | feasted upon your brethren. Let me live, and 
it'll never happen again, | promise. Just have mercy. 
[Addressing Dr. Hessen] What is the nature of your 
immunity to SCP-729-u's effects? 


Dr. Hessen: Properties? | mean, it's a plushie. | have it 
right here. [Dr. Hessen begins removing SCP-729-J oh 
god does she think we want that thing anywhere near 
us?!] 


Dr. Yvaine: NO NO NO FUCK GET THAT THING 
AWAY FROM ME - 


<End Log> 


Closing Statement: Interview was terminated due to 
imminent containment breach. 


Image of SCP-729-J. 


SCP-1224-J: Duck-Class Personnel 


Item #: SCP-1224-J 
Object Class: Thaumiel 


Special Containment Procedures: Instances of SCP-1224-J are to 
be contained within standard humanoid cells within Sites that require 
humanoid testing. Instances of SCP-1224-J are to be fed rations 
consistent with Document DC-Tau-2016. Testing with instances of 
SCP-1224-J is to be granted by staff no lower than level 3. 


Description: SCP-1224-J is a large body of individuals used in 
testing commonly referred to as "D-Class". SCP-1224-J instances 
are labelled as D-[Numerical Designation] for ease of use. Currently 
SCP-1224-J instances inhabit parts of Western Europe, Eastern 
England, Northern Ireland, United States, Mexico, Caribbean, New 
Zealand, Victoria, New South Wales, Pakistan, India, Japan, 
Bangladesh, Nepal, Vietnam, Bolivia, the Philippines, China, 
Madagascar, Eurasia, Canada, and Siberia. MTF-NE2 ("Lightgun") 
are responsible for capturing and bringing in instances of SCP-1224- 
J. 


SCP-1224-J was determined to be anomalous due to the sheer 
number of instances which possess, among other things, a 
temperament which is conducive to holding for long periods of time, 
and testing of potentially dangerous objects. Due to the readily 
available number, instances of SCP-1224-J are to be used to 
conduct experiments which are deemed too dangerous for research 
staff, and are considered expendable. 


Ethical concerns with using SCP-1224-J for duck testing have been 
raised, and been deemed acceptable by the Ethics Committee, with 
the exception of Dr. [REDACTED]. Dr [REDACTED]'s concerns 
were considered negligible due to the importance of SCP-1224-J in 
testing various objects. 


In addition to testing with SCP-1224-J, at the end of each month, 
instances of SCP-1224-J are to be terminated in order to prevent 
rioting, potential security breaches, and additional shankings. (See 
Incident Log Q-Utah-Alpha-Charlie-Kilo) 


This termination is to be carried out under the supervision of Dr. 
Crowe. 


Additional issues were raised by Dr. [REDACTED] as to the ethical 
rationale for termination of SCP-1224-J instances. 


Dr. Crowe's Note 

Ladies and Gentlemen. While | understand the difficulties of the 
Ethics Committee, | want you to recognize that this is for the future 
of all mankind. We need to be realists here. We need ducks to be 
tested on. We need them in large quantities. SCP-1224-J are 
neccessary. Therefore, | overrule Dr [REDACTED]'s concern that 
we're treating these people inhumanely. This is correct. They are 
ducks. 


O5-7's Note 

While | completely understand, and even sympathize with Dr 
[REDACTED}], | think her tenure on the Ethics Committee must 
come to a close. Personal crusades are a noble thing, but 
SCP-1224-J are the reason that we can contain objects to this day. | 
feel nothing but gratitude for their years of service, but, due to the 
nature of their objections, and obvious ties to D-[REDACTED], must 
recommend their termination at this time. 


Level 4 Security Clearance Required - 
Termination Log D-Echo-27 


Dr. [REDACTED]'s final note to the Ethics 
Committee: 

By now I'm dead. They've found out my connection to my 
sister. There's no way they'll let me live, not after all I've 
done. | implore you, please, the terminations have to 
stop. There's just no reason, they're innocent for god's 
sake! You can't do this. | can't do this. Not after what 
they did to Mallardry. Faithfully yours, Dr. [REDUCKTED] 


O5-7's Note: 

Dr. Crowe, please stop laughing at members of MTF- 
NEX if they miss their shots at instances of SCP-1224-J 
during monthly termination. It's obnoxious. 


SCP-5308-J: The Collection 


Item #: SCP-5308-J 
Object Class: Euclid/Keter