Finch: You must miss them very much. 


3960-1: It would be dishonest to say 
otherwise. Helping them out was my purpose 
in life. Having me locked up here leaves a little 
adrift. 


Finch: Adrift? | don't follow. 


3960-1: Let me paraphrase a show that was 
one of my creator's favorites then. Hobbys 
aren't made fumbling for meaning. We get 
created to help a specific person and serve as 
their companion. Take that person away from 
us and we're left without a purpose. 


Finch: But if you tell us who your creator is, 

we could reunite you. You have the power to 
give yourself purpose again Gizmo. You just 
need to act on it. 


3960-1: You don't think | realize that? The 
price is too steep, Mr. Finch. | cannot make 


myself pay it. 


Finch: Then it seems like you're the source of 
your own misery. 


3960-1: No more so than my creator is. 


Finch: Perhaps its time for you to act for 
yourself then. You're in a powerful position, 
Gizmo, and in the end the one thing that will 
pull you out of your existential quagmire is you. 


3960-1 looks down at the ground and remains 
silent. 


Finch: You'll find we have nothing but time for 
you to think on the matter, Gizmo. Just let us 
know when you're ready. 


<End Log> 
+ Interview SCP-3960-2 


The following interview was conducted as part 
of SCP-3960-2's initial containment 
proceedings. Similar interviews were 
conducted for SCP-3960-1 "Gizmo", 
SCP-3960-3 "Dungeon Master", and 
SCP-3960-4 "Johnny". 


Interviewed: SCP-3960-2 "Lula" 
Interviewer: Researcher Richard Andrews 


Foreword: The interview took place as part of 
the initial containment screenings of the 
animate SCP-3960 instances. SCP-3960-2 
was the most pristine animate instance of 
SCP-3960 recovered by the Foundation. 


<Begin Log> 


Andrews: Good morning, SCP-3960-2. 
Andrews quickly checks over paperwork Or, 
perhaps | should say Lula. I'm Researcher 
Andrews, | would like to ask you a few 
questions. 


3960-2: Lula is my name, yes. Tammy gave it 
to me. Isn't ita lovely name? 


Andrews: | suppose so. Tammy was your 
creator? 


3960-2: More than that - she was my best 
friend! The best friend anyone could ever 
have! 


Andrews: That's quite a claim. What did you 
and Tammy used to do together? 


3960-2: We practiced soccer. It was so much 
fun. Tammy was so good at it! 


Andrews: Aren't you a little small for that to be 
practical? 


3960-2: Well... a bit... but | still packed 
enough of a punch to return the ball. Besides, 
Tammy really didn't have a lot of kids to 
practice with, which is why she made me. 


Andrews: | see. What else did you and 
Tammy do together? 


3960-2: What do you mean? 


Andrews: | mean, she had you around for 
things besides soccer practice, didn't she? 


3960-2: Tammy made me to help her with 
soccer, and so | did that. What else could 
anyone ask for? 


Andrews: Well, let me rephrase, what did you 
do when you weren't playing soccer? 


3960-2: Tammy kept me in a little box in her 
closet. It was so nice and cozy, like a little bed. 
I'd wait there until it was soccer time again. 
Sometimes I'd get so excited just thinking 
about our next practice session. 


Andrews: She just kept you in a box? 


3960-2: Of course. That way she wouldn't lose 
me. It's a really smart idea. 


Andrews: But that's not much of an existence. 
Didn't that get boring? 


3960-2: Nope. | just stayed put, and looked 
forward to our next session. Its what Tammy 
wanted. 


Andrews: So... you just sat in the dark waiting 
for her to get you? 


3960-2: Well, not always. Sometimes | was a 
bit naughty, and I'd sneak out and watch her 
do homework, or cuddle with her when she 
slept. It took a lot of skill to make sure she 
didn't wake up or get disturbed. Last thing she 
needed was me pestering her. 


Andrews: But if you were her friend, why 
would it bother her if you were around? 


3960-2: It didn't bother her that | was around 
so much as it caught her off guard. | mean, if 
you placed your pen in a desk, and found it in 
your pocket later, you'd be a little creeped out 
too. One time | spooked her and she threw me 
against the closet door. 


SCP-3960-2 giggles to itself. 


3960-2: Guess that serves me right for not 
staying put. 


SCP-3960-2 pauses and looks toward the 
door. 


3960-2: Speaking of not staying put, will it be 
possible for me to get back to her soon? | don't 
want her to think I'm a bad friend. | must have 
missed a hundred practices by now. 


Andrews: I'll see what | can do. That'll be all 
for now, Lula. 


<End Log> 
+ Interview SCP-3960-3 


The following interview was conducted as part 
of SCP-3960-3's initial containment 
proceedings. Similar interviews were 
conducted for SCP-3960-1 "Gizmo", 
SCP-3960-2 "Lula", and SCP-3960-4 
"Johnny". 


Interviewed: SCP-3960-3 "Dungeon Master" 
Interviewer: Researcher Roland Ferro 


Foreword: The interview took place as part of 
the initial containment screenings of the 
animate SCP-3960 instances. SCP-3960-3 
was the most damaged unit recovered, with 
several gashes across its body anda 
functionless left arm. 


<Begin Log> 


Ferro: Afternoon. I'm Researcher Ferro. What 
may | call you? 


3960-3: My friend Leo called me, "Dungeon 


SCP-513: A Cowbell 


Item #: SCP-513 
Object Class: Euclid 


Special Containment Procedures: SCP-513 is to be suspended in 
a one cubic meter block of gelatin and contained within a 
soundproofed, climate-controlled cell. The gelatin must be inspected 
daily for any degradation or loss of integrity. An emergency 
inspection will be carried out immediately following any earthquake, 
explosion, or sonic event grade 2 or higher. Personnel performing 
the inspection are to wear earplugs and active noise-canceling 
earmuffs at all times while inside SCP-513’s cell. 


If the gelatin cube shows any signs of degradation (such as rips, 
tears, splits, liquefaction, or mold), SCP-513 is to be immediately 
removed and suspended within a replacement cube by a team of 
surgically deafened Class-D personnel. No other personnel are to 
enter the cell during this procedure. 


Any sentient beings exposed to SCP-513 are to be monitored by at 
least two security personnel at all times. Under absolutely no 
circumstances may exposure victims be administered sedatives or 
allowed to fall unconscious. Any victim who does fall unconscious is 
to be terminated immediately. 


Class-D personnel are to be terminated at the first sign of mental 
degradation. All other exposure victims may be terminated at their 
request. 


If possible, SCP-513-1 is to be apprehended on sight. 


Description: Physically, SCP-513 is an unremarkable, rusty 
cowbell. No marks or engravings are visible on its surface due to the 
large amount of corrosion. Attempts to remove the rust chemically or 
mechanically have had no success. 


Master" or "DM" for short. | would prefer it if 
you'd respect his wishes and did the same. 


Ferro: Dungeon Master, huh? Did you 
dungeon master? 


3960-3: Among other things. Leo liked to play 
games. Dungeons and Dragons was a 
favorite. He didn't have anyone else to play 
with. 


Ferro: Would you say Leo designed you to be 
good at board games then? Do you know what 
traits he instilled in you during assembly? 


3960-3: No more than your parents knew what 
traits you'd have when they conceived you. 


Ferro: Fair enough. Would you mind telling me 
more about Leo? 


3960-3: I'd love to talk about Leo. He was a 
great friend. Smart, shy, creative. Board 
games always brought out the best in him. 
Always made him happy. 


Ferro: You don't seem to have a shortage of 
nice things to say about him. 


3960-3: He was my best friend. Of course not. 
Ferro: Even though he tried to destroy you? 
SCP-3960-3 pauses. 


3960-3: | don't know what you are talking 
about. 


Ferro: DM, your left arm doesn't work. You 
have gashes all over your torso. We even 
have an email from one of your creators that 
said Leo tried to destroy you. Why would he do 


that? 


SCP-3960-3 looks down at the ground for 
several moments 


Ferro: ...DM? 


3960-3: Are you a religious man, Researcher 
Ferro? 


Ferro: Not particularly, no. 


3960-3: One of Leo's mother's friends is. One 
night, after Leo went to bed | overheard them 
talking. They were in a bit of a debate. Leo's 
mother asks "If God wants the love of his 
creations, but makes them so they can choose 
to not love him, why does He then punish them 
when they don't make the choice he wants. 
Wouldn't it be less cruel to make them so they 
have to love Him? That's kind of like a potter 
punishing the pottery when he doesn't make 
them correctly." 


3960-3: She responded with "What kind of 
love do you get when you create something 
just to love you? Wouldn't that be a kind of 
hollow love? You'd probably grow to resent it 
after a while." 


3960-3: The problem, Researcher Ferro, is 
that is the only love | know how to give. 


Ferro: | see... 
SCP-3960-3 looks around the room briefly. 


3960-3: You won't let me return to Leo, will 
you? 


Ferro: Don't you think its for the best if you 
don't? 


3960-3: Maybe, but | have to try. 
<End Log> 
+ Interview SCP-3960-4 


The following interview was conducted shortly 
after SCP-3960-4's construction, during which 
time it was allowed to interact with other 
SCP-3960 instances. 


Interviewed: SCP-3960-4 "Johnny" 
Interviewer: Agent Beatrice Ross 


Foreword: The interview took place following 
a week long period in which SCP-3960-4 was 
allowed to interact with other instances of 
SCP-3960 in containment. SCP-3960-4 
remains the only instance of SCP-3960 built by 
the Foundation, and was bonded to Agent 
Beatrice Ross, resident Thaumatologist of 
MTF Tau-51 ("Urban Brawl"). Personality traits 
selected for SCP-3960-4 during construction 
included: Loyal, curious, focused, tenacious, 
hard-working. 


<Begin Log> 
Ross: Hello Johnny. 
3960-4: Good afternoon, my friend. 


Ross: You've been given a long time to 
socialize with the other Hobby units. I'm here 
to debrief you on what you discussed together. 


3960-4: Not a whole lot, to be honest. We're 
toys after all. 


Ross: Maybe, but you are sentient toys. Never 
underestimate something because it seems 


mundane. What did you discuss with your 
fellow Hobby units? 


3960-4: Lula and DM are pretty preoccupied 
with returning to their creators. They didn't 
have much to say aside from ideas about what 
they would do if they could get back, and 
vague ramblings about escape attempts that 
could not work. Because they are toys. 


Ross: And Gizmo? 


3960-4: Gizmo was more... | guess the word 
to use would be... interesting? 


Ross: And how's that? 


3960-4: Well, Gizmo didn't have the 
attachment issues Lula and DM have. A need 
to get back to their creator. They seemed more 
introspective than anything else, and that 
made them interesting to me. 


Ross: What did you talk with them about? 


3960-4: Not much at first. But eventually they 
started asking me questions about the 
Foundation. Why they'd make me if it just 
meant one more thing to contain later— 


SCP-3960-4 pauses 


Ross: I'd take it you'd like an answer to that 
question, Johnny? 


3960-4: | mean, kind of? The Foundation 
making anomalies to contain anomalies does 
seem kind of counterproductive. You'd think 
fighting fire with fire would lead to a larger fire. 


Ross: Of course. But, sometimes, in order to 
understand something, and better be able to 


contain it and protect it, you need to replicate it 
at least once. You can set smaller, controlled 
fires, to burn away the hazard and save 
yourself from a larger blaze. 


3960-4: So... I'm a necessary evil? 
Ross: Do you consider yourself to be evil? 


3960-4: Well, no. | don't think there is sucha 
thing as evil. | guess I'm just confused. 


Ross: And that's understandable, Johnny. The 
thing to know is that the Foundation replicates, 
and uses anomalies, on a somewhat frequent 
basis to aid in containment. There were days 
in the past where there were hard lines against 
the practice, but... eh, enough casualties and 
those things erode. 


SCP-3960-4 nods in apparent understanding. 


3960-4: That reminds me, DM did mention one 
thing of interest. Well, | found it interesting at 
least. 


Ross: Oh yeah, what was that? 


3960-4: Are you familiar with the term 
"theodicy?" 


Ross: Why does God allow evil to exist? Sure. 
DM mentioned that? 


3960-4: They did. Do you think | should tell 
them, next time we are allowed to speak, that 
God allows evil to exist to better understand, 
and contain it? 


Ross pauses briefly. 


Ross: Sure, Johnny. Go right ahead. 


<End Log> 


Footnotes 
1. "Life to a friend" 


SCP-3961: Professor Taft 


SCP-3961 in its inactive state. 


Item #: SCP-3961 
Object Class: Euclid 


Special Containment Procedures: The University of Cincinnati 
College of Law main building is to be locked for the duration of 2400 
to 0500 hours. Any student attempting to gain access to the building 
during these hours is to be turned away, and asked to come back 
during open hours. 


At 2400 each day, Foundation agents are to place an imitation of 
SCP-3961 on the dais it occupies. This imitation is to be removed at 
0500 and placed in local secure storage. 


Any piece of writing modified by SCP-3961 is to be examined for 
anomalous content and then placed back in its original location. Any 
original writing produced by SCP-3961 is to be stored in the Site-19 
library. 


Description: SCP-3961 is a bronze statue of the twenty-seventh 
president of the United States, William Howard Taft. SCP-3961 is 
located in front of the University of Cincinnati College of Law 
building, and was placed there in 2007 to celebrate the 175th 
anniversary of the College, of which Taft was a graduate. 


From the hours of 2400 to 0500, SCP-3961 will animate and attempt 
to enter the College of Law building; the means through which it 
does so is unknown. If SCP-3961 is unable to gain access to the 
interior of the building, it will instantaneously de-materialize, 
reappearing within the Dean's office inside. Any attempt to remove 
SCP-3961 from its current location during its inactive hours will 
result in it de-materializing at 2400, and reappearing outside the 
College at 0500. 


During its active hours, SCP-3961 will patrol the interior of the 
building, occasionally stopping to write. If SCP-3961 encounters any 
piece of student writing, it will produce a bronze pen and provide 
feedback on the work. SCP-3961 is capable of learning, and actively 
seeks out information on world affairs and legal proceedings. 


Should SCP-3961 encounter a human during its active state, it will 
attempt to greet them with a series of hand gestures; SCP-3961 is 
believed to be unable to vocalize. Any individual that expresses a 
need or desire for information pertaining to law will be escorted to 
the College library, where SCP-3961 will assist them with locating 
any related books or materials. 


Once a year, on April 28th, SCP-3961 will leave a collection of 
papers on the desk of the current College Dean!. These papers will 
list all law students expected to graduate that year, and include 
encouraging personal statements for each student. 


Addendum: 09/27/2010 SCP-3961 Active State 


2400: SCP-3961 animates, and enters the building 
through the front door, holding the door open for waiting 
Foundation agents, who lock it behind them. 


2400-0100: SCP-3961 wanders the hallways, stopping to 
examine portraits of William Howard Taft, occasionally 
making dismissive gestures at particular instances. 


0100-0300: SCP-3961 spends several hours writing out 
a series of lectures titled "Beyond the White House: 
President Taft as Chief Justice", in which it discusses 
Taft's tenure as Chief Justice of the Supreme Court. 
Written content is noticeably more emotionally-charged 
than SCP-3961's usual writings.