Special Containment Procedures: Social media platforms and 
video hosting websites are to be monitored by Foundation-operated 
web analysis bots for posts advertising a "try not to laugh" video 
compilation. These video compilations are to be recorded for fifteen 
seconds and sent to a manual observer on-site. Should the recorded 
fifteen seconds consist of blank footage, the observer is to flag it and 
have the video taken down immediately. Web analysis bots must 
operate 24/7 and are to be checked for defects on a weekly basis. 


Description: SCP-3384 is a video often posted to social media and 
video hosting websites advertising a "try not to laugh" challenge 
titled "You laugh, you go to Hell", "You're going to Hell if you laugh" 
or similar titles involving the term Hell. SCP-3384 typically appears 
as a post by popular users with high follower or subscriber counts, 
though no user has ever expressed knowledge of posting or 
uploading SCP-3384. 


Viewers of SCP-3384 report seeing eleven minutes and six seconds 
of compiled video clips tailored to their subjective sense of humor, 
and are considered to be funny by 100% of exposed subjects. All 
attempts to record or view SCP-3384 through live feed have resulted 
in blank footage. 


Should a viewer "laugh" at the content of SCP-3384, they will 
instantly be engulfed in flames that encompass a diameter of three 
meters, charring and leaving burn marks on the subject's 
surroundings, as well as emitting a distinct smell of sulfur. These 
flames have been measured to reach a maximum temperature of 
462 °C. Sounds of distressed screaming originating from within the 
flames have been recorded and analyzed, revealing the screaming 
to be made up of several different voices including that of the 


certain instances via dental records taken 
before 1991. 


| don't think your Pols are the campers, 
Jeremiah. | suggest we sub-designate them as 
part of SCP-437. As for the SCP-437-A 
instances themselves — | want to look into the 
possibility of euthanizing them. 


They've been in there for twenty years. When 
you press your ear against the bark, you can 
hear them. 


It's low and muffled, but you can hear them 
just fine. 


« SCP-436 | SCP-437 | SCP-438 » 


subject. Subjects will invariably disappear before the flames have 
dissipated. No subject has ever been found or recovered. 


Addendum: Incident report 3384-1 
Incident 3384-1 
SCP involved: SCP-3384 


Personnel involved: Head Researcher Kijuro & Security 
Officer Bates 


Description: Head Researcher Kijuro was held at 
gunpoint by Security Officer Bates at 11:34am on 
02/11/2017 during routine testing of SCP-3384. Officer 
Bates barricaded himself and Researcher Kijuro inside of 
the designated testing room, then proceeded to handcuff 
Researcher Kijuro to a chair and forced him to view 
SCP-3384 several times before Kijuro was engulfed in 
flames and vanished. Officer Bates surrendered to the 
responding security team soon after. 


Security Officer Bates was interrogated, during which he 
made allegations against Head Researcher Kijuro, 
accusing him of conducting unethical tests with 
SCP-3384 using several D-Class personnel. Officer 
Bates was made to elaborate on these accusations, to 
which he said that Researcher Kijuro compelled up to 
eight D-Class personnel to view SCP-3384 and ordered 
them to refrain from laughing. These tests were allegedly 
conducted to pinpoint what SCP-3384 considers to be a 
laugh. 


Security Officer Bates was terminated shortly after 
providing this final statement: "Should | have done it? 
Probably not. But it's done, and | have to stand by my 
actions. I've seen horrible shit done to the Class-Ds, and 
I've always accepted it as a necessary evil. But this is 
different from turning them inside out, or sending them 
into some fucked up place with a monster inside. We're 
dealing with people's souls here, not just their lives, and 


if that video actually does what it says it does, then we're 
damning people to an eternity of misery just to figure out 
what a fucking laugh is. Fuck that! He deserved it, and 
I'm not gonna be a part of this bullshit anymore." 


SCP-3385: Equine Mondegreen 


Item #: SCP-3385 
Object Class: Euclid 


Special Containment Procedures: In the event of an SCP-3385 
event, MTF-Epsilon-48 (Ghost Riders) is to be immediately 
dispatched to the affected region. Capture and containment of 
SCP-3385-1 and -2 instances are to be made a priority, with 
amnestics to be administered to any civilian witnesses as required. 


Instances of SCP-3385-1 are to be housed in Site-66's stables, and 
SCP-3385-2 instances in reptilian housing cells, and be fed in 
accordance to non-anomalous members of their species. 
Interactions between 3385-1 and 3385-2 are to be allowed ona 
biweekly basis; testing involving either requires SCP-3385/2 
clearance. 


Due to the cultural spread of it making complete containment 
impossible, agents are to be embedded within local and global 
event-planning groups to minimize further exposure to SCP-3385's 
vector. 


Description: SCP-3385 is the designation for a auditory 
cognitohazard that affects % of the Equus ferus caballus' 
population. The vector for SCP-3385 is the bridge of Starship's? "We 
Built This City". Purely vocal or instrumental covers have been 
determined to be equally as capable of triggering the effect as the 
song itself. 


When susceptible members (designated as SCP-3385-1) are 
exposed to SCP-3385, they will immediately cease any prior activity 
and gallop in a direction dependent on their location. SCP-3385-1 
instances in this state exhibit anomalous, significant increases in 
speed, strength, and endurance, with most horse tranquilizers 
being ineffective as a result. 


Instances of 3385-1 will halt as soon as they make contact with a 
member of the genus Dendroapsis*. As the species are commonly 
native to Sub-Saharan countries, 7% of 3385-1 will instead make 
their way to any zoos or enclosures that house them in the region. 


Once contact is made, any mambas in the vicinity will become 
instances of SCP-3385-2. As a result of this, they exhibit docility 
towards 3385-1 instances, which will then proceed to press down on 
them with their hooves and "play" a variety of melodies on them. 
SCP-3385-2 instances show no signs of pain or discomfort during 
this, and instead let out musical tones depending on the hoof's 
placement. This will continue until the instances are separated. 


Discovery Addenda: SCP-3385 came to Foundation attention on 
7/4/199 when _ horses from the Police Department broke 
away during an Independence Day parade, after which they headed 
towards the local zoo and broke into the Reptile House therein, 
affecting all mambas in the process. Interviews with parade-goers 
revealed that the horses had "gone into a frenzy" whilst the 
marching band was performing a rendition of "We Built This City" 
during an intermission. Class-B amnestics were administered to all 
citizens who witnessed the event, and a cover story of the horses 
becoming agitated as a result of fireworks was put into place. 


A collective interview with Starship members involved in the song's 
production provided little information to ascertain SCP-3385's origin. 
John Michael Thomas® was adamant that "it's Marconi", and in the 
midst of questioning commented to Dennis Lambert "I told you it 
was supposed to be 'mambo', but you wouldn't [EXPLETIVE] listen", 
after which an argument between Thomas, Lambert, and the other 
songwriters ensued. The interview was subsequently terminated, 
with all parties amnesticized and released. As a result, it's currently 
hypothesized that the cognitohazard was an unintentional creation 
on Starship's part. 


Footnotes 

1. Domestic horse. 

2. Anew-wave band composed of former members of Jefferson 
Starship, which was in turn made from former members of Jefferson 
Airplane. 

3. Up to 104 kmh. 


4. Mamba. 
5. Known by his stage name Mickey Thomas. 


SCP-3386: Night Owls 


Item #: SCP-3386 
Object Class: Keter 


Special Containment Procedures: A thaumaturgical research 
team is to be assigned to the ritual site associated with SCP-3386, 
and tasked with determining a means to reverse the summoning 
process. 


A population count of observed SCP-3386-1 instances is to be made 
once a week. Should SCP-3386-1 exceed 50 individuals, the Senior 
Researcher assigned to the SCP-3386 case is to be informed 
immediately, and more stringent containment procedures 
implemented. 


Discovered instances of SCP-3386-2 are to be kept in custom- 
designed humanoid containment apartments in Hinyankaga, 
Missouri, assigned employment close to the area, and allowed to 
continue with their daily activities. Foundation agents are to be 
dispatched to initiate the relocation from these individuals’ previous 
areas of residence and ensure limited contact with other individuals; 
amnestics may be applied to facilitate these transfers. SCP-3386-2 
instances are to be informed that SCP-3386-1 are a species of 
legally-protected birds, and instructed not to display any signs of 
aggression or panic when in close proximity to SCP-3386-1. The 
Foundation-affiliated landlord is to conduct brief monthly interviews 
with SCP-3386-2 instances under the guise of regular housing and 
facilities checkups. 


Two D-class personnel convicted of murder are to be kept in the 
Hinyankaga, Missouri, Foundation apartments and assigned to the 
SCP-3386 case. Upon the death of any instance of SCP-3386-2, 
one of the D-class individuals is to be exposed to the SCP-3386-1 
population immediately, and then designated the replacement 
instance of SCP-3386-2. 


SCP-3386-3 instances are to be retrieved upon manifestation, and 
allocated to the thaumaturgical research team for their investigation. 
SCP-3386-3 instances may only be handled by staff who have not 
been directly involved in causing the death of another human being. 
Should an instance of SCP-3386-1 attempt to retrieve an 
SCP-3386-3 instance from a staff member, action should not be 
taken to prevent this. 


Foundation staff assigned to the SCP-3386 case are to attend twice 
yearly counseling sessions, with additional meetings allotted for any 
stress induced by proximity to SCP-3386-1 instances. Requests to 
be rotated out of the assignment will be honored if a replacement 
has been confirmed prior to the proposed rotation date. 


Description: SCP-3386 refers to several correlated anomalies, 
believed to originate from an occult ritual site in Hinyankaga, 
Missouri, designated as follows: 


* SCP-3386-1 are small avian entities closely resembling 
Barred Owls (Strix Varia), possessing feathers that absorb 
almost all visible light, resulting in a distinct pitch-black 
appearance. SCP-3386-1 have demonstrated the ability to 
pass through solid objects to approach otherwise inaccessible 
targets. No effective means of dispelling or physically 
containing these entities have been determined. 

* SCP-3386-2 refers to any human individual associated with 
the manifestation of SCP-3386-1 instances, and subsequently 
targeted by them. There are currently SCP-3386-2 
individuals identified by the Foundation. 

* SCP-3386-3 refers to small pellets disgorged by SCP-3386-1 
instances, composed of highly compacted human bone. Lab 
analysis confirms that bone samples correspond to deceased 
SCP-3386-2 individuals. 


While the exact prerequisites regarding SCP-3386 manifestations 
are unknown, individual SCP-3386-1 entities are typically observed 
during nighttime hours, trailing SCP-3386-2 instances and perching 
within viewing distance of their targets when possible. 


Instances of SCP-3386-2 vary in age, gender, and physical 
characteristics. Based on current Foundation investigation, the sole 


constant between cases is that all SCP-3386-2 individuals have 
been convicted of or associated with crimes involving the death! of 
a human victim. It is believed that SCP-3386-2 targets are selected 
upon sight rather than as a preexisting condition, as SCP-3386-1 
instances have been observed peacefully roosting near densely 
populated apartment complexes without following any of the tenants 
occupying the homes. 


SCP-3386-3 pellet instances are produced following the expiration 
of an SCP-3386-2 target. Upon appearance, the pellet will then be 
cared for by SCP-3386-1 instances, which will surround the pellet 
and rotate shifts sitting on it until two to eight days have passed. 
During the next night, the pellet will "hatch" into a new instance of 
SCP-3386-1. The entities will typically react defensively to attempts 
to approach SCP-3386-3, but personnel who are not SCP-3386-2 
targets have been able to safely handle the pellets. 


The standard progression of the anomalous activity involving 
SCP-3386 is as follows: 


* An SCP-3386-1 instance selects a human target (an instance 
of SCP-3386-2). When questioned, these persons report 
awareness of all instances of SCP-3386-1 targeting them, and 
a constant feeling of being observed, which in some cases 
may lead to sleep deprivation and emotional instability. 

During nighttime, a large group of SCP-3386-1 individuals will 
congregate and begin to amass around the SCP-3386-2 
target's place of residence. 

Should an SCP-3386-2 individual display any form of 
aggression towards SCP-3386-1, or attempt to drive them off 
using physical force, SCP-3386-1 instances will move 
progressively closer to the target, often passing through 
obstacles to do so. 

Eventually the SCP-3386-2 individual will be completely 
engulfed by the SCP-3386-1 instances, which will proceed to 
consume the individual. At the conclusion of the feeding, 
SCP-3386-1 instances will then disperse, carrying the remains 
of the body (typically scraps of clothing, personal accessories, 
locks of hair, whole fingernails, and fingers severed at the first 
knuckle) in their beaks and talons. 


* SCP-3386-1 instances return to the Hinyankaga recovery site 
and deposit the bodily remains in the ritual circle. An instance 
of SCP-3386-3 is then regurgitated for incubation in the circle, 
amidst the human remains. During this time, the SCP-3386-1 
individuals remain at the ritual site, and do not actively seek 
out new SCP-3386-2 targets. 

Following the incubation of an instance of SCP-3386-3 and 
the manifestation of a new SCP-3386-1 instance, the 
population of SCP-3386-1 will then seek out a new 
SCP-3386-2 target. 


Recovery: The Foundation was first alerted to the existence of 
SCP-3386 on 9/24/_ , when a flock of SCP-3386-1 was 
photographed and featured by local Missouri newspapers. In the 
following weeks, several inhabitants of Hinyankaga and surrounding 
towns were reported missing, and the flock was sighted several 
additional times. Shortly after, a recovery team was dispatched to 
secure the anomaly and distribute amnestics. During subsequent 
investigation, the team discovered a recently abandoned cabin ona 
mountain outside of town, with a large occult sigil etched into the 
ground outside. 


Attempts to remove the sigil and ritual site using physical means 
proved ineffective; Foundation specialists were later assigned to the 
site in the hopes of determining a procedure to neutralize the 
SCP-3386 anomaly. 


A damaged but intact pocket notebook was recovered among the 
various human remains and personal effects discovered within the 
ritual site. Several notable excerpts were transcribed for Foundation 
records-keeping: 


+ Show excerpts 
August 9th 


It's been a month now since she was 
murdered in cold blood. The police still haven't 
found the bastard who did it yet. Useless. | 
don't even know why we pay taxes. I'm going 
to use the life insurance to hire a private