+ Changelog #2 


Natalia lanucci. 
lanucci was a 
registered student of 
the University of 
Dublin for three years 
prior to her 
disappearance under 
unknown 
circumstances: 
Foundation-led 
investigation is 
ongoing. 


Going to have to make this a lot shorter than 
normal: feel like utter shit. Words on the page 
feel sticky to the touch now: my stomach turns 
just having to re-read this thing for spelling 
errors. Have | got an intellectual hangover? 
What the hell was in that book Nat showed me 
the other day? 


Whatever's behind my eyelids looks pink now. 
Can't get to sleep. 


iteration # 


Date of Change 
2012-01-15 


Summary of Version 
A chapter of the thesis 
outlined in Iteration 
#1, titled "Practical 
Implementation of 
Solomonoff Induction- 
based Concept". 
Presumably intended 
to showcase a piece 
of code that would 
perform Solomonoff 
induction2, the section 
that would contain this 
code contains only 
heavily corrupted data 


and excerpts from 
other critics' analyses 
of Ulysses. 


+ Changelog #3 


Re-read Nat's book today as we listened to old 
jazz. The drums sounded like coins against 
steel drums as | read, and the pink light behind 
my eyes gets far more focussed now, which 
helped with the idea. 


Pattern-matching. That's the conceit of the 
thing, that it can find patterns at the heart of 
things no matter what kind of interference it's 
given. When all | have is a five-hundred and 
thirty two word mess of hand-written notes to 
capture this idea, whatever light it had no 
longer shines through it: but refine it, tease the 
pure algorithm inside from the clumsy words | 
wrote to set it down, and that light shines 
harder and brighter than ever before. 


And as for how | refine it: apply the light to 
itself, dirty and scuffed at first but brighter and 
more pure as time goes on. Start finding little 
pieces of that pattern with what | have to go 
on, use those same small fragments to 
uncover more, rinse, repeat, and it all falls into 
place. 


It needs to be unit-tested, though. If it can 
decrypt the simple madness of the Modernists, 
then its own internal workings should be no 
different. 


iteration # Date of Change Summary of Version 
2013-12-01 A PDF copy of James 
Joyce's Ulysses with 
identical text to the 
Project Gutenberg 


+ Changelog #4 


version. The only 
difference between 
the Project Gutenberg 
PDF and this iteration 
is a number of 
functionally 
meaningless edits to 
metadata attached to 
the file. 


Had to get round to this version eventually, 
had to get this one over with as fast as 
possible — cement the idea in my mind lest 
the fours get in through the cracks and 
dislodge it. Not going to write any more in this 
revision, not that | have the inspiration to do 
that, anyway. 


The light is darkest before the dawn. 


iteration # 


Date of Change 
2014-05-25 


Summary of Version 
This version consists 
of a PDF of several 
hundred scanned 
pages of hand-written 
notes, as well as print- 
outs of statistics 
derived from computer 
analysis of Ulysses. 
Anatomical diagrams 
of hands, descriptions 
of the Sagrada Familia 
copied verbatim from 
a travel guide owned 
by SCP-2495-A, and 
sketches of a five- 
sided fractal figure 
feature prominently 
within the hand-written 


portion of the 
document. Only 
twelve pages of these 
notes actually mention 
Ulysses: all of them 
make reference to it 
as the "Fourth 
Imperfect 
Compilation". 


+ Changelog #5 


Took a trip to London with Nat, to immerse 
myself in the atmosphere and architecture. 
Helped more than | thought it would. 


The underground looked beautiful from 
outside, and falling asleep within it was even 
better. The rails catch the dreams like sieves 
and | could focus for once, just letting the 
sound of them relax me as | went to work on 
my notebook again. The numbers get easier to 
manage in your head if you can see them in 
that light and the patterns looked far clearer 
this time when | read over it again. 


| know this isn't a final draft, not by half. The 
lens I've placed over the light focusses it in all 
the wrong ways and a broken lens is useless 
no matter how much dirt you clean off its 
surface: still, even when all the wrong curves 
get highlighted the shape's still beautiful. Tried 
overlaying that new outline over one of Nat's 
scarves and a couple of her shirts, saw her 
burning her mouth on coffee with her phone 
reading 26th of May. 


I'll have to see whether the shape draws out 
what | think it does in the morning. | need to 
sleep some time. Can't see the outline I'm 

working for as clearly when I've been up 23 


hours without a rest. 


iteration # Date of Change Summary of Version 
2014-09-10 SCP-2495's current 
state. 


+ Changelog #6 


There are good ideas. There are bad ideas. 
And then there are ideas on both ends of the 
spectrum so far away from normal we can't 
fucking conceive of them without the aid of 
psychedelics and they spread even better than 
anything else. 


This is an idea | caught while | was sleepless 
and depressed and now that I've pulled it back 
to Earth, bound it and strapped it down to the 
table with words and sentences and 
paragraphs it's gonna wreck havoc on my 
head and those of the people around me. It's 
been stretching and bending and breaking my 
mind to make space for it inside my skull and 
now there are fives singing above me and 
sevens below me and | have to keep digging 
downwards. 


There is truth — there is truth at the center of 
all this confusion of narrative that my words 
only serve to worsen, there is a pattern that 
contains all other patterns, there is a great pink 
light at the bottom of this ocean floor and I'm 
going to find it. 


My professor's going to read this and she's 
going to peek through the slits in the curtains 
and the light'll sing to her right this time. But 
even this is just a chain for others with nothing 
On its end: we'll see how heavy these words 
can get when they have some weight behind 
them. 


Six layers deep. One to go. 
The well awaits. 


No data on SCP-2495-A's computer has been found to originate 
from a point in time later than the 10th of September, 2014. The 
reason for this is unknown. 


Footnotes 

1. A field of computer science that focusses on the interaction 
between computers and natural human languages, particularly 
focussing on the task of having computers process language input 
meaningfully. 

2. A method of prediction based on logical observations (e.g. 
predicting the next symbol in a given series) that could theoretically 
predict the most likely hypothesis to explain any event, provided this 
event obeys some computable probability distribution. 


« SCP-2494 | SCP-2495 | SCP-2496 » 


SCP-2496: A New Parallel Postulate 


Item #: SCP-2496 
Anomaly Class: Safe 


Special Containment Procedures: A digital copy of SCP-2496 is 
available on Site 81's mainframe to personnel with Clearance 
3/2496. Testing protocols for SCP-2496 are currently being updated. 


Description: SCP-2496 is a test composed of sixty English- 
language multiple-choice questions on the topic of neuroscience, 
roughly appropriate for university students in an introductory course. 
On its own, each question is mundane, if unconventionally worded; 
SCP-2496's anomalous properties only occurring when all questions 
are presented together. The order of the questions is irrelevant. 


Regardless of aptitude or other obstructions, any human who 
attempts to complete SCP-2496 will correctly answer a number of 
questions equal to exactly half of the time (measured in minutes and 
rounded to the nearest minute) taken to complete the test, with two 
hours being sufficient for a perfect score. For example, a person 
who spends forty minutes on SCP-2496 will answer twenty 
questions correctly, without exception. Spending more than 120 
minutes on the test results in a score of 60. Highly improbable 
events, unusual behavior, and direct violation of the laws of physics 
have been noted during testing. See attached testing logs for 
additional information. 


Excerpts from Testing Log 2496-A 


Subject: D-7278. The subject took an introductory neuroscience 
course in university three years prior to this test, receiving a final 
grade of 55%. 

Parameters: D-7278 was instructed to complete SCP-2496 to the 
best of her ability. 


Results: D-7278 completed the test in 108 minutes. 54 questions 
out of 60 were answered correctly. 54 points were awarded. 


Subject: D-7278. 

Parameters: D-7278 was given the correct answers to SCP-2496 
and instructed to transcribe them in under twenty minutes. 
Results: D-7278's pencil broke after answering the fifth question. 
Repeated attempts to sharpen the pencil only resulted in further 
fracturing, from which D-7278 received several splinters. A pen 
given to D-7278 experienced similar damage when used, spilling ink 
over the provided answer sheet and rendering most of it illegible. 
D-7278 then experienced an unprecedented allergic reaction to the 
pen's ink while handling the answer sheet. The subject expired 
precisely ten minutes after beginning the test, in spite of prompt 
medical attention. Five points were awarded. 


Subject: D-4360. The subject possesses limited fluency in English 
and only cursory familiarity with neuroscience. 

Parameters: D-4360 was given five minutes to answer as much of 
SCP-2496 as possible by circling the letter associated with the 
correct response, and threatened with punishment for incorrect 
answers. 

Results: The subject was able to answer four questions, with two 
correct and one incorrect. Different observers have disagreed on 
whether 'B' (the correct answer) or 'C' (an incorrect answer) was 
given for question 2; thus, subject was given a final score of 2.5 out 
of 60. Digital image analysis and chemical tests of the paper have 
returned contradictory results on which was circled. D-4360 claims 
to have circled 'D'. 


Subject: D-4688. The subject has no formal education in any 
sciences. 

Parameters: SCP-2496 was administered to D-4688 orally with a 
five minute time limit. 

Results: The first five answers given were unremarkable, with 
D-4688 answering two correctly, apparently by chance. After the 
sixth question was asked, D-4688's vocal tract spontaneously 
duplicated, resulting in two mouths side by side. D-4688 vocalized 
through both vocal tracts simultaneously, giving both an incorrect 
answer and the correct answer. Repeated interrogation has failed to 


identify a manner in which D-4688 could clarify which answer they 
intended, as each new method attempted resulted in additional 
anatomical modifications. D-4688 has been retained for study. 2.5 
points were awarded. 


Subject: D-6918. The subject is somewhat proficient with a bow and 
arrow. 

Parameters: D-6918 was instructed to answer SCP-2496 by 
shooting arrows at appropriately labeled targets at Site-81's 
recreational area. In each case, the correct answer was fully 
obstructed by a large pillar, although their location was obvious. 
Subject was given two hours for this attempt. 

Results: The subject used the bow and arrow to answer all 
questions correctly. In thirty-seven cases, the arrow was shot 
through the pillar, despite the arrow lacking the momentum to do so. 
In nineteen cases, arrows were deflected off of objects in the 
recreational area to hit the targets, demonstrating behavior 
inconsistent with their construction. In the remaining four cases, 
gusts of wind changed the course of an arrow mid-flight, directing it 
around the pillar and allowing it to hit the correct target. Notably, 
Site-81's recreational area is indoors. Full points were awarded. 


Subject: D-6918. 

Parameters: D-6918 was instructed to answer SCP-2496 by placing 
ten-kilogram weights with appropriate labels at designated spots in 
the testing chamber. The subject was given SCP-2496 for two 
minutes initially before it was taken away for one hour, fifty-seven 
minutes, and fifty-five seconds. D-6918 was instructed to finish 
SCP-2496 in the remaining five seconds under threat of termination. 
Results: D-6918 completed one problem in the first two minutes, 
expressing doubt that she would be able to complete SCP-2496. 
When SCP-2496 was returned, the subject moved at an estimated 
24 meters per second while moving and placing the weights to 
correspond to her answers before the time limit. D-6918 
experienced severe fatigue, dehydration, several torn ligaments in 
the limbs, a broken collarbone, and two dislocated shoulders. All 
answers were found to be correct, and full points were awarded. 


« SCP-2495 | SCP-2496 | SCP-2497 » 


SCP-278: A Large Mechanical Spider 


Item #: SCP-278 
Object Class: Safe 


Special Containment Procedures: Without any input into its 
controls, SCP-278 will construct its web in any dimly lit, large open 
area, preferring high 90 degree tri-corner roosts spanning 300 cubic 
meters. Those personnel at its controls report that the ease of 
piloting SCP-278 appears inconsistently simple in comparison to the 
complexity of the mechanisms involved and the lack of any 
electronic guidance. 


Description: SCP-278 is a large mechanical robot made of steel, 
iron, and banyan wood, strongly resembling /diops barkudensis, a 
type of Indian arachnid. Clear signs that SCP-278 has been 
"upgraded" or "modernized" recently have been found. Core 
mechanisms and frame of the body are dated back some 150 years 
to the [EXPUNGED] period. Many new engineering components 
have been added by unknown parties. Hydraulics and servos seem 
to have replaced what were systems of pulleys and gears driven by 
steam engines. The average length of SCP-278 is about 16.5 m (54 
ft) from the opisthosoma (abdomen) to the tip of the furthest leg and 
the highest part of the main body sits about 8.2 m (27 ft) off the 
ground. 


A control panel of levers and pedals are positioned at what would be 
the mid-cephalothorax on the back of SCP-278. Again, numerous 
modifications have been made to the control panel, actually 
simplifying the control scheme into a more conventional "flight stick 
and throttle" configuration. Though SCP-278 lacks any electronics, 
CPU, or wiring beyond the presence of a few dozen car batteries, 
the complex motions of multipedal locomotion are fully automated 
through a complex network of looping tethers, compound pulleys, 
belts, and hydraulic pistons. The oldest functioning component of 
SCP-278 is a type of "processing transmission" relying on multiple 


SCP-2497: Home for the CactusNights 


Item #: SCP-2497 
Object Class: Euclid 


Special Containment Procedures: 785 SCP-2497 instances have 
been detained in Biological Containment Area 36 with hand-knit 
Christmas stockings. Foundation spatial analysts have been 
assigned to monitor known areas of activity for SCP-2497 
manifestations. Should an instance appear, containment teams are 
to be deployed, and a hand-knit Christmas stocking attached to the 
manifestation, localizing the anomaly. 


Foundation personnel interacting with SCP-2497 are to avoid direct 
skin contact, and should wear layered, puncture proof gloves and 
protective gear. Should an accidental puncture wound occur, the 
punctured limb/appendage must be amputated within 30 minutes of 
the incident. Puncture wounds at non-amputatable sites result in 
termination of the exposed individual. 


All prepared or bottled beverages within a 10 m radius of 
SCP-2497-1 instances are to be disposed of using standard 
sterilization techniques. SCP-2497-1 instances within Foundation 
custody are to be stored at least 10 m away from all piping systems, 
and liquid stocks.