| was coming into work one day, a few days after the whole thing in 
Korea. You remember that there was that one brief gap between it 
happening and the Masquerade really breaking, right? It wasn't 
immediate, like everyone seems to pretend it was. Hell, Korea 
barely had anything to do with the end of the Masquerade. 


When | came in, all of my staff were huddled around one the TV in 
the break room. One turned her head up with the most sullen look 
on her face. 


"You need to see this." 


I'm not sure what | was expecting, but it sure as hell wasn't the 
words "SCP Foundation" plastered across the banner of CNN. Total 
information release about the Foundation, all of the files dropped 
onto the internet. To this day, they still don't know who did it. Did you 
know that? Our world was flipped on its head, completely shattered 
and we don't know who to thank for it. 


| wonder if they're still alive. They wouldn't be if the Foundation got 
ahold of them. 


Twenty years in the Foundation, at that point. | had gotten used to 
the idea of living in the dark for the rest of my life, and never actually 
finding out who or what | was working for. But there it was, on the 
screen, loud and clear: the Foundation was real and they were here 


to stay. 


You have to remember that our situation was very different from 
almost the entire rest of the world. Those stationed at Crater Lake 
knew about the Foundation, but we only need the numbers of two 
anomalies. There were hypothetically a thousand more, but they 
were only ever alluded to. 


So we weren't like the rest of the Foundation, because of how 
unfamiliar and clueless we were about the Foundation when the 
Masquerade broke. And we weren't like the rest of the world, 
because we weren't quite as clueless as they were. We had, at the 
very least, heard about their mission statement before. We knew the 
anomalous existed, we just didn't know anything more concrete than 
that. 


There weren't many people in the world who had the same 
perspective as us. There were other people had the same situation 
as we did, but they were few and far between. I've had the chance 
to meet a couple of them over the years, but that was a while after 
the Masquerade broke. 


And fuck if the Foundation was going to give a shit about us. 


2014: When the Storm Broke 


I'm sure that you're aware of that whole phenomenon were the Sites 
got swamped by protesters and onlookers, right? That was a major 
problem for a lot of them in the early days after the Foundation went 
public, but for the most part they were ready for it. 


Us? Ha, good luck. There weren't nearly as many people coming to 
Crater Lake, but we had a noticeable surge in activity. Some people 
were just trying to get a look at the Old Man (I had made a decision 
to stop any non-Foundation lake travel to stop that), but there were 
those people who tried to use us as a way to get into the 
Foundation. 


They never believed me when | told them that | knew jack shit about 


Notes (2): We're all thinking it and I'll be the one to say it. 
This is eerily similar to SCP-1048. Requesting it be fitted 
with a tracker. -Dr Clinton 


Name: Agent Acal 
Date: 30/4/17 
Total Items: Five (5) bottles of Johnnie Walker whiskey 


Input: One (1) bottle of whiskey 
Setting: Fine 
Output: One (1) bottle of Lagavulin Scotch 


Input: One (1) bottle of whiskey 
Setting: 1:1 
Output: One (1) bottle of vodka 


Input: One (1) bottle of whiskey 
Setting: Fine 
Output: One (1) bottle of Balvenie 40-year-old whiskey 


Input: One (1) bottle of whiskey 

Setting: Very Fine 

Output: One (1) unmarked 500ml glass bottle, filled with 
a Clear, purple-flecked liquid. Liquid tastes like high-class 
bourbon and has an alcohol content of 55%. Subjects 
who ingest liquid report extreme euphoria. 


Input: One (1) bottle of whiskey 

Setting: Coarse 

Output: A pile of glass shards and a puddle of water and 
malt. 


Input: One (1) bottle of vodka, from a previous test 
Setting: Very Fine 
Output: Five (5) miniature bottles of Kors Vodka. 


Name: Dr. Hadian 
Date: 20/3/2017 
Total Items: Three (3) unsolved Sudoku puzzles and 


the Foundation, and | really can't blame them. | wouldn't have 
believed myself either — my name was in the personnel directories, 
right there with a 4/3310 Clearance. (Nevermind the fact that 
everything else was Level 0.) How could somebody that high not 
know what's going on? How could they not have answers? 


But the journalists and the reporters — don't even get me started on 
that hack Information Breach — weren't the worst of our problems. 
The files on 3310 were released to everyone — not just the general 
public, but also to those "Groups of Importance." | had never even 
heard of any of them prior to the Masquerade, only that one 
American Secure Containment Initiative, because it was in the 3310 
documentation. And they don't exist anymore! 


Sarkics were the first to attack us. At the time | didn't know anything 
about them, but I've done a little research of myself. The 
Foundation's databanks are very informative, not that my position 
gives me any access to them. 


It was a small group of Neo-Sarkics, only about eight of them. When 
they rolled up, we pretty much just rolled and let them take over the 
park. They struck at night, and we were just a night shift. Not many 
of them, but even fewer of us. We were just Park Rangers, and they 
were armed to the teeth — a few of them armed with teeth. 


That's what caused the eighth activation of 3310, those idiots. They 
pulled the Old Man out of the lake, and immediately the skies turned 
dark. The Gammas looked like insects that time. They climbed out of 
the ground and started charging the lake. Awful, still get nightmares 
about them. 


The bugs started getting zapped with lightning coming from the 
clouds, just like normal. The Sigma event stops the Gamma until 
somebody can throw the Old Man back into position and let him do 
his thing. It's not looking good, however: there are way too many of 
the insects, and Skell's getting overwhelmed. Can't kill them all. 


But then something unexpected happened — eight bolts, all at once, 
fucking smote those Sarkics. Instantly dead, all of them. Skell's 
smart — he realized what he needed to do. | swear | heard 
something chuckling right after, this warm laugh that fills your soul. 


Skell's a real proper god, not like that Yaldy. Looking out for his 
devotees and servants, saving them from the heretics. You can't 
convince me that the Sigmas aren't targeted. Ever one to return to 
the favor, | gave the Old Man a push back into Crater Lake and 
saved the day. 


That was enough for the Foundation to up our security detail. The 
Chaos Insurgency attacked a couple months later, and for about a 
year afterward the whole park was swarming with black ops. | 
managed to stay in control of operations thanks to a twenty year 
service record, but | never really was in control. How can you tell a 
man with a gun you outrank him? 


2022: When | Gave Up 


After thirty years of Foundation, | decided that | had enough. Things 
had mostly normalized around Crater Lake, but after the latest 
scandal — | can't even remember what it was, there were so many 
— the camel's back broke. I'd found a job in the private sector, 
uninvolved from the anomalous. They agreed to hire me, and | 
submitted my two weeks to both the Foundation and the Parks 
Service. 


Parks Service was the easy ones. | feel like what I've said to you 
may not have really represented my employment status the best — | 
was firstly and foremostly working for the Parks Service. The 
Foundation came up infrequently, but you couldn't ignore it when it 
did. So | had dealt with the Parks Service plenty of times, | knew 
what to expect. 


But the Foundation? Give me a break. Their entire idea is secrecy. | 
was shocked when | got a response after quitting, and then it was 
invitation to Site-—64. Now that was the cruelest twist of fate: only 
when you quit do you get to go to a Foundation site. 


Once | had packed up and everything, | made the drive up to 
Portland. Fortunately, it was on the way to my next job, and | didn't 
have to go out of the way. | like the fact that | didn't have to give 


anything more to the Foundation at the end. 


I've heard that in the days before the end of the Masquerade, 
Site-64 was subterranean and under a park in Portland. Now there's 
an above ground entrance, maximum security and it looks like a 
military base. They probably bulldozed the park to make room for all 
that. Fuckers. 


I'll never forget the look on the guard's face when | handed him a 
Level 4 ID card. Sure, that level was only for one item, but my card 
still was still orange and emblazoned with a 4. Not many Level 4s 
drive a car like mine, or look like me. They're stuck up in the labs. 


The reason | was there was because the Site Director — Holman 
was his name, | think — wanted to meet with me to discuss 3310. 
Apparently 64 was the closest Site and had been overseeing our 
containment to a little degree. Our meeting would be recorded, and 
sent off to the O5 Council. 


I've already talked about how | don't like the concept of the Od5s, 
right? Good. 


The talk went pretty well. | told him everything | knew about the 
anomaly, and what he needed to brief the next poor sap to get my 
job. The little things | had picked up along the way, nothing major. | 
gave him a recommendation among the staff, and it was all so 
pleasant. 


It was clear to me that the Site Director had only vaguely heard of 
3310, and it was nothing more to him than another cog in his well- 
oiled machine. | had spent my entire life working to make sure it 
never activated, and he spent five minutes every other year to briefly 
review any updates. He didn't even remember the mythological 
context, the entire frame under which containment had been pitched 
to me all those years ago. To him, it was just a log that caused a 
storm. 


At the end, | asked one final question, doing my best to frame it as 
innocent curiosity and nothing more. Right after we had made our 
final goodbyes and formal closures. 


"How many anomalies do you oversee containment of here?" 


"Oh, approximately forty directly in the site itself, a couple hundred 
anomalous objects, and then many more in the surrounding area, 
like yours." 


| nodded and smiled. That was all | needed to know to make my final 
judgement about my total, unseen masters. | gave the Holman my 
ID, and formally ended my tenure with an international, monolith, all- 
powerful conspiracy. 


The elevators took me to the surface, and | stepped outside. | was 
done dying in the dark, and now was my time to live in the light. 


On The Seventh Day Of Christmas 


"Doctor Malley." 
"Doctor Kurtz?" 
"Come look at this." 


"Is there a problem? Today's bed check isn't for another three 
hours." 


"What does it have there?" 


"Oh. He really wanted a notepad, so | requisitioned one. ...Settle 
down, Kurtz. | cleared it with the head researcher." 


"Of course you did. You've got Pearson on board with every whim 
you hear out of it." 


"Maybe he sees the same untapped potential for study that | do." 
"'Untapped potential’ my ass, Malley." 


"Watch your language around him. | want to expand his vocabulary, 
but not like that." 


NAME: SKIP 16 


"Listen to yourself. A pet project is fine, but you're emphasizing ‘pet' 
so much more than 'project' with this one." 


CLASS: SAFE FAST 


"If you have a problem with my focus, take it up with Doctor 
Pearson." 


"What's the point? He's as infatuated with it as you are." 


"SCP-1802 is the most intriguing Safe-class we have. He's worth 
taking some risks." 


SPECIAL CONTAINER: A sandwich bag 


"SCP-1802 is the only intriguing Safe-class we have. Ninety percent 
of Area 24's resources are spent keeping the Blue Room under 
control. Pearson only leads the Safe wing, all three rooms of it, and 
his only job is ferrying captured Safe objects to facilities designed to 
deal with them. It's either that toy or the self-eating orange." 


"My point exactly." 


SPECIAL CONTAINER: A sandwich bag A jar with holes 
in the lid 


"But this is all academic, Malley. It's going to be shipped out to 
Research Facility 5 as soon as the application goes through." 


"Eventually, yes." 


"But it should have happened April 28th. That was a week ago. ... 
Damnit, did you even send in the application?" 


The lizard should be 


"Of course | did, Kurtz. But it's been suspended for the next week, 
and may be postponed after that." 


"By Pearson. Because you two can't give up the son you never had." 
"It's not that." 
"The toy you always wanted for Christmas?" 


The lizard should be Skip 16 should be caught and 
returned to its container as soon as possible. 


"Doctor Pearson and | feel that disturbing the system that 1802 has 
set up would be detrimental to studying his behavior." 


"1802's 'system' is a little row of area personnel's garbage that he 


keeps under his bed." 
"A row that's organized by size, Doctor Kurtz." 


At this time, Skip 16 is too fast to catch. | can only walk 
after it with graspers extended and while asking Skip 16 
to stop crawling. Skip 16 will not stop crawling when 
asked. 


"You think that if you can prove he's doing something important in 
there, you can keep him around?" 


"That's how Pearson sees it." 

"Don't you understand what's going on, Malley?" 

"| should ask you the same question." 

"This thing is... it's a bad joke they're playing on us." 


"I'm still not sure they had anything to do with it, no matter what the 
rest of Research thinks." 


"Then the joke's on you, Doctor Malley." 


Skip 16 should be returned to its jar with holes in the lid 
as soon as possible. The jar with holes in the lid has a 
stick and a leaf in it that were found next to Skip 16. The 
jar with holes in the lid is in my fourth spot. The fourth 
spot is hidden under a box marked "ORANGES". | call 
this spot the Oranges Spot. 


"Kurtz... who does he remind you of?" 

"He's a pathetic imitation of—" 

"No. Who, specifically, does he remind you of?" 

"His voice sounds kind of like Jeff Goldblum trapped in a mailbox." 
"Nevermind. Maybe if you had talked to Goggles more often." 


"Malley, you're calling him Goggles now?" 


"1802? No, I'm not." 


THE THING: Skip 16 is a lizard. | looked Skip 16 up ina 
book in a library, and his name is Hemidactylus frenatus, 
but his name is also a gecko. Skip 16 is not very smart. | 
do not think that he realizes that he needs to be in his 
container. Skip 16 does not like his container and he 
does not like me. It does not matter to me because | am 
doing my task. Skip 16 is much faster than | am, and can 
crawl up walls. | have seen him stop to eat a fly, so | 
know one thing that Skip 16 eats. This means that | 
could feed Skip 16 if | contained him, because if | could 
catch him, | could also catch flies. 


EXTRA NOTE: | talked with Skip 16. Here is the 
conversation. | remember all of it. 


Skip: Skip 16, get over here. 
Skip 16: Nothing 


Skip: Skip 16, you should get back in your container in 
the Oranges Spot. 


Skip 16: Nothing 


Skip: Come down from that wall. | have a stick and a leaf 
for you. 


Skip 16: Nothing 

Skip: | am coming closer. 

Skip 16: Nothing. Skip 16 runs away. 

Skip: | should not be talking to you. You are a lizard. 


EXTRA NOTE PART 2: | should not have written that 
down. It does not really tell you anything about Skip 16. 


"What's he writing there, anyway?" 


"Maybe he's trying to tell us something, Kurtz." 
"I'm going to find out." 
"Technically, you don't have clearance to test 1802." 


"Technically, that toy should be sitting in a locker in Fresno right 
now." 


"Fine, Kurtz."