But, | can't believe I'm even writing this, what if 
we half kill a thing. Ok, yes that is as dumb as 
it sounds, but, we want to send something in 
there to help Tony. We don't have another 
agent who was as willing as him to take up this 
assignment, and I'll be damned if we lose our 
best shot at exploring this place. | don’t know if 
Tony has things, or how inanimate objects 
really work on the other side. But we're 
grasping at straws anyways. 


Jared figured if we’re going to send him 
something, we should send him some form of 
self-defense. Unfortunately, we're a little short 
handed in terms of weaponry. So we're going 
to send him the next best thing - a lighter. 
Bugs don't like fire, right? | mean, maybe 
they're not literally bugs, but fire is generally 
effective against things. Either way it'll work 
fine to test it. 


Procedures: 
1. Partially disassemble the lighter. 
2. Place lighter in SCP-3448. 


3. Activate SCP-3448, and at the same time 
try to finish disassembling the lighter? (maybe 
use like a firecracker for this? Or like a 
mousetrap? | don't know, we'll figure it out) 


God, killing a lighter sounds so dumb. But fuck 


it we’re gonna try. 


SCP-3448 Day 9 Imaging Results: 


<04:00 — 04:04> Formed at 0400. A man 
running through a garden carrying a lighter in 
one hand, and pulling a girl behind him with 
the other. As the man runs, he looks 
confusedly at the device. After four minutes, 
he pockets the lighter. 


<10:04 — 10:29> A teddy bear the size of an 
average human sits against a door to a room. 
The walls consist of mud and dirt, with bones 
and roots sticking out. The girl from the 04:00 
—04:04 sits at the opposite end of the room 
with her legs pulled against her chest. She 
rocks back in forth slowly for three minutes 
before walking to the teddy bear. She begins 
to speak as she tugs on the teddy bear's legs. 
The girl appears to age rapidly the more she 
begs. The teddy bear does not move. 


<16:29 — 16:31> A man is standing ina 
garden. He is constantly stung/bitten by a thick 
swarm of insects. A girl screams at him from 
nearby, ignored by the insects. The man looks 
at the girl, screams something back, and then 
reaches into his pocket. 


<16:31 — 17:31> Red static. 
<17:31 — 17:54 A bonfire. 
<17:54 — 20:54> Grey. 


<20:54 — 23:54> A girl repeatedly stabs a 
man lying on the ground with a sharpened 
femur. They are surrounded by burnt insect 
corpses. 


SCP-3448 Day 9 Lab Notes 
Holy fuck. 
It worked. 


And then he... fuck | don't know what really 
happened. This entire past week has felt like 
I've been watching someone's acid trip. 


Ok, we still don't know what that girl is, but 
stabbing Tony means she's hostile, which 
means we need to do something. | called ina 
favor and got a handgun delivered here. Same 
procedure as with the lighter. 


SCP-3448 Day 10 Imaging Results 


<01:54 — 03:01> An old woman beats a man 
lying on the ground with a femur. They are 
surrounded by burnt insect corpses, some of 
which are moving. 


<03:01 — 04:01> A little girl is straddling a 
man with her arms in the air. The man aims a 
handgun at her. They are surrounded by teddy 
bears, all of which are looking at the girl. 


<04:01 — 04:03> A cocoon sits on a tree 
branch where all of the leaves are replaced 
with hands. The cocoon breaks open, and a 
moth exits. 


<05:00 — 05:02> Same as the 03:01 — 04:01 
image, except the teddy bears are all grasping 
lighters with the flames exposed, and all of the 
garden is on fire. A bullet can be seen halfway 
between the handgun, and the girl's head. 


<05:02 — 06:00> Bright red. 


<06:00 — 06:00> Same as previous image, 


except the flowers are replaced with chains, 
which are still burning. The girl has been 
replaced with a skeleton, but her hair remains. 
The man has become further emaciated and 
also resembles a skeleton. A chain wraps itself 
around both the man and the skeleton of the 
girl. Teddy bears look on from the darkness. 


<06:00 — 07:00 Dark red. 


<07:00 — 07:02> The bullet penetrates the 
girl's head. 


<07:02 — 13:02> Static. 


<13:02 — 13:16> A man stands in the middle 
of a garden. All of the flowers that can be seen 
are blooming. Insect corpses rain from the sky. 
The girl is no longer present. A stuffed animal 
crow lies next to Tony with a bullet-sized hole 
in its head. After thirteen minutes the following 
words appear at the bottom of the screen: "| 
hope you enjoy your hike, dad." 


SCP-3448 Day 10 Lab Notes 
Oh fuck. 

What even just. 

Shit. 


| don't think I've ever been so torn over one of 
my experiments working twice in a row. 


But still he— he shot her. | mean of course he 
would, we gave him the gun but | can't believe 
it. Like, | didn't actually think that was going to 
happen. Again, what else was going to 
happen? But just... FUCK 


Then like, five minutes later the calls started. 


First it was from Joyce talking about how her 
father wasn't dying. I'd told her to contact me if 
anything strange started happening with her 
family which might be related to Tony but this 
wasn't a calm informative call. She was just so 
excited panicked ecstatic terrified | don't 
fucking know. 


After that was the call from O5-4. Only council 
member that knew about our little project. 
Signed off on the funding and everything. He 
congratulated me on our success, and then 
told me to burn it all. That's probably when it 
sunk in. It really should've been apparent from 
the start. It was in our contracts, it's what we 
told people on their first day: "This project has 
a single objective - contain the Dammerung 
Class cognitohazard known as death". 


We did it? No, we really didn't do it. All those 
years of theorizing and studying the data, 
scouring anomalous burial sites and hauls 
from MTF raids. And finally, we come face to 
face with the reaper. And what do we do? We 
fucking shoot him her. Now all we have is a 
tombstone reading Rest In Peace: Resting in 
Peace. 


We fucked up. 
We didn't contain death. 
We neutralized it. 


Footnotes 

1. Death here is referred to as a conceptual form of death. This is 
distinct from any notion of afterlife, and is not restricted necessarily 
to organisms. 

2. This means that the residual signals reflect the activity of the brain 
if it were exposed to the same stimuli as the conceptual 
representation of the subject. 


SCP-3449: The Things Left Unsaid 


NOTICE FROM THE RECORDS AND INFORMATION 
SECURITY ADMINISTRATION 


You are currently viewing an out of date version of this file that 
has been preserved for posterity. Please note that information 
presented herein may be misleading or incorrect. 


Item #: SCP-3449 
Object Class: Safe 


Special Containment Procedures: SCP-3449 is to be housed in a 
staNdaRd Safe-level object storage locker in Site-19. Due to the 
nature of the anomaly, further containment measures are currently 
not necessary. Testing is curteny underway to determine the long 
term containment requirements of SCP-3449. 


A request to reclassify SCP-3449 as an anomalous item is p3nd!Ng 
approval from Site Director Panthe. 


Description: SCP-3449 refers to an anomalous spiral-bound 
notebook with a dark blue cover. Due to the formatting of the writing, 
six pages of the notbok appear to contain normal diary entries, 
however the words used are incoherent and often ispemlls. Other 
pages of the diary are either torn, or left blank. 


SCP-3449's anomalous property manifests in documentation about 
SCP-3449. All writing about SCP-3449 will contain arbitrary 
capitalization, misspellings; and other SYntactlical errors. Attempts 
to revise or correct the writing will either fail to remove the errors, or 
create new errors. 


SCP-3449 has shown no further anomalous properties. Contact 
Researcher Niklo Gerdinel for additional details regarding SCP-3449 


testing. 


SCP-3449 was recovered by MTF Epsilon-6 (:Vil3yge !dipts”) during 
an investigation into a series of mild cognitive and informational 
hazards created in the Pittsburgh Mterp Area. It was found inside a 
storage unit along with a number of other anomalous objects (see 
Field Report Delta-546 for a full list of recovered objects). After 
speaking to the distributor of the storage unit, the Foundation 
learned that SCP-3449 and associated items were owned by an 
Edward Selsburgh (POI-4335). 


Page revision from 
04/21/2025 


Next iteration from 
05/12/2025 


SCP-3450: OC DO NOT STEAL 


Item #: SCP-3450 
Object Class: Safe 


Special Containment Procedures: The flash drive containing 
SCP-3450 is to be kept in a standard low-value containment locker 
at Site-73. Foundation personnel embedded within the fan fiction 
community are to monitor the Internet for further instances of 
SCP-3450. 


Addendum 05/1 1/2017: Following the discovery of SCP-3450's 
secondary effect by Junior Researcher Rivera, direct access to 
SCP-3450 is to be restricted to D-Class personnel. 


Description: SCP-3450 is a text document containing a work of fan 
fiction featuring characters from the Kirby video game series. 
SCP-3450 was originally posted on the site net, where it was 
discovered by Foundation agents following numerous, often 
contradictory reports of intellectual property theft by readers. 


SCP-3450's anomalous properties manifest in the second chapter of 
the document. When any individual views this portion of SCP-3450, 
one original character created by the reader in an existing fictional 
narrative will appear in the document and participate in the events of 
the story. In all recorded cases, this character appears as an ally to 
King Dedede (a primary antagonist in the Kirby franchise). After a 
brief combat sequence, the character is inhaled and consumed by 
the protagonist, who then replicates one or more of the character's 
defining characteristics. SCP-3450 has not been observed to 
manifest the same original character more than once. 


Addendum 05/1 1/2017: SCP-3450 has been demonstrated to 
possess a secondary anomalous effect which only manifests after 
repeated readings of SCP-3450. Details are available in Document 
3450-01. 


+ Document 3450-01 


The following is an abbreviated version of the testing log 
of Junior Researcher Rivera. Full documentation is 
available from Site Director upon request. 


Date: 04/04/2017 

Summary: Initial testing of SCP-3450 
SCP-3450 Excerpt: 

All of a sudden, a beutiful unicorn jumped out 
from behind the bushes! Hahaha said dedede, 
you will never defeat my number one 
henchman, Sugarcoat the magical unicorn 
princess! The unicorn shot a beam of candy 
magic at Kirby but he didnt get turned to candy 
because he had some more health left and 
didnt die. Than all of a sudden kirby ran up to 
Sugarcoat and sucked her up with his breath! 
He swallowed her and started shooting candy 
lasers at Dedede. Aaahhhh said dedede as he 
ran away but the laser hit him and he got 
turned into a gummy Dedede. Kirby ate the 
gummy dedede and thought it was very tasty. 
Remarks: 

The abilities manifested by Sugarcoat in 
SCP-3450 appear to coincide with those she 
exhibited in the original documents, as far as | 
can remember. At this point, it is unclear if the 
literary quality of the work is innate, or if it is an 
attempt to simulate my own writing style when 
| was, what, seven? Eight? 


Rather than dredge up more of my childhood 
embarrassments creations, | intend to write 
additional characters specifically designed to 
test the limits of SCP-3450's anomalous 
capabilities. Each subsequent test of 
SCP-3450 will be preceded by the composition 
of one short story featuring said character. 


On another note, here's to my first official 


assignment as a Foundation researcher! The 
first of many to come, | hope. 


Date: 04/05/2017 

Summary: Testing of SCP-3450's self- 
awareness 

Character created: Jennifer Harwell, 29-year- 
old author. Subject is the protagonist ina 
heavily metafictional narrative in which she is 
aware of her fictional status. Subject is 
described as being capable of modifying her 
reality by directly interacting with the text 
comprising her existence. 

SCP-3450 Excerpt: 

All of a sudden, a woman jumped out from 
behind the bushes! Hahaha, said dedede, you 
will never defeat my number one henchman, 
Jennifer Harwell! Jennifer got out a pencil and 
wrote in this story "Kirby tripped on a rock and 
got hurt.” All of a sudden, Kirby tripped on a 
rock and got hurt! Jennifer laughed, but while 
she was laughing Kirby ran in and sucked her 
up! After he swallowed her, he realized there 
where words all around him! He eraced the 
part where | said he got hurt and wrote "kirby 
ate a maxim tomato and got healthy." Then he 
wrote "dead" right before where | said dedede 
in the second sentence so now Dedede was 
dead and Kirby won. 

Remarks: 

SCP-3450 is indeed capable of recognizing its 
nature as a work of fiction. Furthermore, the 
writing style appears independent of the 
source material. 


Date: 04/06/2017 

Summary: Testing of SCP-3450's intelligence 
Character created: Dr. Syed Khan, 62-year- 
old physicist. Subject is a highly decorated 
Cornell professor and Nobel laureate 


Notes: "This would make a good chlorine substitute for swimming 
pools; all the cleanliness of chlorinated water without the bleachy 
smell or hair discoloration. Too bad some swimmers are careless 
and turn into dead bodies."—Dr. Ray A 


Date: / / 
Test Subject: one (1) pizza produced by SCP-458 


Procedure: One (1) small sauce cup of SCP-447-2 is held in one 
hand by Agent Palhinuk, while the other holds SCP-458. 


Results: No outward change in the composition of SCP-447-2 is 
evident. SCP-458 produced a hamburger pizza on a cheese-stuffed 
crust. After dipping a slice in SCP-447-2 and ingesting, Agent 
Palhinuk noted the taste of the substance was like a creamy Italian 
dressing. Following his consumption of the pizza, Agent Palhinuk's 
breath was said to be minty fresh. He then proceeded to hoard the 
pizza box to himself for a few hours. 


Notes: "Though this brings up new indication into the nature of 
SCP-458, nothing remarkable has come to attention from this, other 
than Pal's tendency to overeat. Slight psychological therapy may be 
in order." - Dr. del Morrino 


"I'd suggest we market this stuff as a dressing, but people eating lots 
of pizza on a regular basis tend to become dead bodies, so..." - 
Agent Palhinuk 


Date: / / 
Test Subject: one brand cellular phone 


Procedure: phone is placed in one (1) small plastic container 
holding one (1) liter of SCP-447-2 and left to sit for five (5) minutes 
with power off and battery disconnected. 


Results: phone is ruined and subsequently destroyed ina 
nearby furnace. The ashes and fumes from the burning phone 
were reported to be green and minty in scent. 


specializing in particle physics 
phenomenology. Subject delivers a 38-page 
monologue summarizing modern 
developments in quantum gravity ata 
postgraduate level. 

SCP-3450 Excerpt: 

All of a sudden, a man jumped out from behind 
the bushes! Hahaha, said Dedede, you will 
never defeat my number one henchman, Syed 
Khan! The man got out a chalkboard and 
started writing equations. There was so much 
sceince that Kirby's head started to hurt all of a 
sudden! But Kirby closed his eyes and sucked 
up Dr. khan. When he swallowed, he had a 
super smart sceince brain! He said some big 
physics words like "PROTON" and caused a 
particle beam! The beam hit Dedede and 
defeated the boss. 

Remarks: 

| really don't know why | expected anything 
different. 


[Superfluous tests omitted] 


Date: 04/20/2017 

Summary: Further testing of SCP-3450 
Character created: Thermodynamic Man, 31- 
year-old crimefighter. Subject is capable of 
adding or removing heat to nearby objects at 
an approximate power of 350 kW. 

SCP-3450 Excerpt: