On 11/16/1998, all SCP-2912 entities self-terminated between 0400 
and 0600. Video revealed no changes in behavior prior to the 
neutralization event, when SCP-2912 instances abruptly exploded - 
their containment units coated in blood, viscera, confetti, and a 
viscous black liquid of uncertain purpose. When confronted about 
this incident, Pol-4569 stated (verbatim): "You fucking shit-eaters 
forgot to milk the clowns, didn't you? Way to ruin a decade of work, 
you cunts." 


Addendum: An incident occurred on 12/25/1998, when video 
surveillance within Pol-4569's cell showed the door opening (while 
external video depicted the door as closed and no alarm was 
triggered). During this time, the faint sound of calliope music 
became audible within the cell and Pol-4569 proceeds to converse 
with an unidentified individual: 


Unidentified Individual: [voice is notably deep and 
atonal but words are muffled and inaudible] 


Pol-4569: 'Bout time you got here! Is that a smile or a 
frown? | can never tell with you. 


Unidentified Individual: [inaudible] 


Pol-4569: A liability? Come on, I'm the best fucking 
clown breeder ya got and Mr. Fuller knows it. 


The unidentified individual then briefly entered the cell - they appear 
muscular but further details are obscured by a cloud of what 
appears to be smoke, which permeates the cell via the anomalous 
doorway. Pol-4569 cried for help but security personnel were unable 
to reach him in time. An autopsy revealed that his cause of death 
was acute myocardial infarction (more commonly known as a heart 
attack). 


Footnotes 

1. A peanut-shaped marshmallow confection; SCP-2912 will refuse 
to feed if confections are not properly peanut shaped. 

2. SCP-2912 will refuse to drink unless the water is purple; does not 
require a specific shade. 

3. Also Known as party blowers; a horn formed from a paper tube, 
often one that is flattened and rolled into a coil, and which unrolls 
when blown into, producing a horn-like noise. 

4. An early electronic musical instrument invented in 1928 by 
Maurice Martenot. 

5. This is presumably not his real name but he had refused to offer 
any other. 


« SCP-2911 | SCP-2912 | SCP-2913 » 


SCP-2913: A Total Ripoff 


Item #: SCP-2913 
Object Class: Safe 


Special Containment Procedures: SCP-2913 is to be held ina 
standard humanoid containment cell. SCP-2913 is to be afforded 
basic requested luxuries for as long as its continued cooperation 
with the Foundation is maintained. 


A grenade pin, formerly belonging to an M67 fragmentation grenade, 
is to be kept in a clear protective case in SCP-2913's cell.! 


Description: SCP-2913 is a severed right hand, formerly belonging 
to James Hallman (deceased), which is capable of independent 
movement. Approximately 5.1 centimeters of the radial bone and 4.6 
centimeters of the ulna extend, uncovered by skin, behind the wrist 
joint. Despite the lack of a biological support system and obvious 
trauma associated with the terminating ends of the bones behind the 
wrist joint, SCP-2913 remains healthy. 


SCP-2913 is capable of speech, hearing, sight, and smell. 
SCP-2913 has shown a moderate level of skill in complex problem 
solving. While SCP-2913 has been observed to move its fingers and 
thumb together in tandem during the act of "speaking", observation 
of SCP-2913 has revealed the auditory source of speech to be 
between the 1st and 2nd metacarpal bones even in the absence of 
motion. 


SCP-2913 was originally recovered by the Madison, New Jersey 
Police department responding to a nuisance noise call. Officers 
found SCP-2913 grasping a wireless television controller. SCP-2913 
then proceeded to speak with the responding officers. After 
SCP-2913 apologized for using the apartment's television without 
prior permission, the officers radioed dispatch to report the anomaly. 
Foundation agents monitoring local police bands investigated the 


incident and after administering amnestics took SCP-2913 into 
custody for further study. 


Interview Logs: 
+ Transcript of Interview 2913-003 


Dr. Maddox: This is Dr. Maddox, recording 
interview log 2913-03. 


SCP-2913: Heya Maddox! 
Dr. Maddox: Hello 2913. 


SCP-2913: If you want a chuckle, you could 
call me Han. 


Dr. Maddox: We've discussed that before. 
SCP-2913: Fine Fine. 2918 it is. 


Dr. Maddox: The purpose of this interview is 
to determine how you became separated from 
your former owner. 


SCP-2913: Aha. Well that's a long story. | 
used to belong to this guy called Jimmy. 
Jimmy was a real weirdo and for the longest 
time my only friend was Joe. 


Dr. Maddox: And who is "Joe"? 


SCP-2913: Well. Back before | could speak 
out loud, Joe used to talk to me. Jimmy wasn't 
exactly a saint, you know? | mean he used me 
when he was growing up, and he did the 
normal stuff you'd expect. But Jimmy was a 
little creepier than normal. The first time | knew 
something was wrong was when he was 6 and 
he crushed a dog's windpipe. He put all of his 
weight on me when he did it. | can almost hear 
the thing whimpering still. 


the puzzle. However, if one of the faces becomes complete, one of 
the following situations may occur: 


¢ If the completed face represents one of the magmatic rocks, 
SCP-345 will heat up to approximately either 1500°C (gabbro 
face), 1200°C (basalt face) or 900°C (granite face). The 
amount of time SCP-345 takes to cool down also greatly 
varies, with the basalt face being the fastest (up to 50 
minutes) and the gabbro face being the slowest (up to 250 
days). 


If the completed face represents the sedimentary rock, the 
cube will start shaking violently for up to 10 hours. The sound 
of either water running or wind howling can be heard coming 
from inside SCP-345 during the whole process. 


If the completed face represents volcanic glass, SCP-345 will 
heat up to approximately 900°C, and will take up to 5 minutes 
to cool down. 


If the completed face represents the metamorphic rock, 
SCP-345 will suffer the same process that would happen if the 
granite face was completed. After cooling down, the cube will 
proceed to shuffle itself at high speeds, making loud grinding 
sounds while it does so, for up to 50 hours. 


After one of the processes is over, SCP-345 can be opened again, 
and a sculpture made of the same material that was represented by 
the completed face can be found inside of it. The small sculpture will 
always be of a planet or planetoid 4.5 cm in diameter. These 
sculptures do not resemble any currently known planet. 


If more than one face is completed at the same time, both 
corresponding processes will occur, one followed by the other. The 
statue created will be made of both materials; for instance, the 
sculpture created by completing the granite and obsidian faces at 
the same time had its "continents" made of granite, and its "oceans" 
made of obsidian. 


SCP-345 was recovered by Agent on / /20 , days after the 
eruption of the Volcano in , Ecuador. claims to have 


Dr. Maddox: And this Jimmy did other things 
that disturbed you as he grew older? 


SCP-2913: Oh yeah. He was 13 when he 
finally graduated past animals. Little sister was 
swimming in the backyard one day and he just 
held her under until she wasn't breathing any 
more. Dad barely made it in time to save her. 


Dr. Maddox: Was "Joe" there for those 
incidents? 


SCP-2913: | wouldn't say he was there there. 
But he saw it, and he knew | wasn't happy. He 
came by the first time about 5 years ago. | 
knew him pretty well already from my thoughts 
but he still took the time to introduce himself in 
person. That's just the kind of guy he is. He 
offered me a deal. He'd give me my 
independence and in exchange | could fight 
back against Jimmy. | could stop him. Weird 
thing was, Jimmy was completely oblivious to 
all this. He just ate his Big Mac in silence. 


Dr. Maddox: So you agreed? 


SCP-2913: Not at first. You gotta realize. | 
knew Joe pretty well by that point, but I'd 
known Jimmy for longer and way better. Even 
as messed up as Jimmy was... | couldn't bring 
myself to just take over his life like that. 


Dr. Maddox: But you did eventually agree? 


SCP-2913: Yeah. Things got darker after that. 
| think Joe knew, and it's probably why he 
offered. | really don't wanna talk about that 
stuff. If that's alright? 


Dr. Maddox: We can avoid that for now if 
you'd like. 


SCP-2913: Good. Heh. After a particularly 
long night about 4 years back, | called out as 
best | could for Joe. I'd done that before but 
after | told him no, he stopped coming around 
as much. | don't know how to ‘think’ loud, but | 
gave it a try. | guess he was pretty close 
‘cause he heard me. He asked me the same 
question as before: did | 'want my freedom’? | 
said yes this time. He had to go, but he said 
he'd walk me through things once he got done 
with this foot he was working on. Joe has a 
thing for feet. 


Dr. Maddox: What happened after that? 


SCP-2913: | stopped letting Jimmy do what he 
wanted. | tried to be quiet cause he was 
already a little off. But Jimmy liked control. By 
then | think the only way he was able to 
function like a normal human being most of the 
day was to let out his urges from time to time. | 
wouldn't let it happen any more though. So he 
started to drug me. Used a local anesthetic. 
Told people he had nerve damage. 


Dr. Maddox: At what point did you become 
separated from your host? 


SCP-2913: Last year. | knew it wasn't going to 
stop. He'd just keep drugging me and keep 
doing that stuff. | wanted to end it. He was 
driving to work one morning. Running late. 
Probably planned on numbing me in the 
bathroom when he got there. | reached up and 
pulled the steering wheel to the right. He 
wasn't expecting it. We did this weird flip thing 
and | just put myself out the window. | thought 
that would be it. The car rolled over me but it 
didn't hurt me. | think that was Joe's doing. 


Dr. Maddox: And then? 


SCP-2913: | hid in the grass. They took Jimmy 
to the hospital and they were looking for me all 
day, but I'd just crawl away when they got 
close. Joe said he understood why | did what | 
did. But he said he couldn't help me any more 
since I'd committed an act of violence. | think 
that's fair. He gave me freedom, I'm not sure 
there's much else he could do that was better 
than that. (subject pauses for several seconds 
before continuing) Do you know what 
happened to Jimmy? 


Dr. Maddox: I'm not sure. | can try to find out. 


SCP-2913: If you do find him. Get him the help 
he needs. And... tell him I'm sorry? 


Dr. Maddox: I'll see what | can do. Thank you 
for your time. 


SCP-2913: Yes sir! Heh. 


SCP-2913 has proven cooperative. Attempts to utilize it to locate the 


entity known as "Joe", while unsuccessful, are ongoing. 


1. Seelncident Report 88-04for more details. 


« SCP-2912 | SCP-2913 | SCP-2914 » 


SCP-2914: The Stuff That Dreams are Made Of 


Item #: SCP-2914 
Object Class: Safe 


Special Containment Procedures: Only personnel who submit a 
formal request and receive approval from site command may 
operate SCP-2914. SCP-2914 is to be stored in locker 2109-B when 
not in use. 


Description: SCP-2914 is a glass-fronted wooden cabinet, 66 cm in 
height and 38 cm in width, composed of unremarkable materials. 
The cabinet contains contains three glass shelves. The back of the 
interior of the cabinet is a mirrored surface. 


The cabinet contains twenty-two stoppered glass bottles, each with 
a capacity of approximately 0.1 liters. Under normal, non-testing 
conditions these bottles are empty. 


SCP-2914's primary anomalous attribute manifests when a human 
subject physically touches the glass front of SCP-2914 while 
specifically recalling a particular memory. Under those 
circumstances, the glass front momentarily becomes opaque, then 
transparent again to reveal that some or all of the bottles within the 
cabinet have been filled with various substances. 


Partial test log of SCP-2914 (deconstruction configuration) follows: 


Test reference: 0001 

Subject: D-3804 

Description of Test: Subject was asked to recall a pleasant 
memory. Subject stated that he would think of a trip that he had 
once taken to Key West, Florida. 

Result: Bottles were filled with the following substances/materials: 


1. Beach sand 

2. Liquid identified as low-quality tequila 
3. Seawater 

4. Strip of terrycloth 

5. Cigar ash 

6. Sunscreen (coconut-scented) 


Test reference: 0023 

Subject: D-4962 

Description of Test: Subject, a military veteran, was asked to recall 
an episode during his combat service in Chechnya. 

Result: Bottles were filled with the following substances/materials: 


1. Concrete fragments and dust 

2. Diesel fuel, comparable to that used by Russian army for 
BMP-1 infantry fighting vehicle 

3. Vodka, contaminated with soil 

4. Substance tentatively identified as partially-digested military 
rations 

5. Ice 

6. Human blood 

7. Human blood (from a different person) 

8. Small, folded map of a valley near the city of Grozny 

9. Page of the Koran, cut into thin strips 

0. Several disassembled components of magazine of AK-74 

assault rifle 
11. Sandy soil 


Test reference: 0041 

Subject: D-5751 

Description of Test: Subject was asked to recall her earliest 
childhood memory. Subject described earliest memory as a 
kindergarten playground incident. 

Result: Bottles were filled with the following substances/materials: 


1. Red fingerpaint 

2. Milk 

3. Carrot sticks 

4. Broken crayons (orange and purple) 


5. Foam stuffing consistent with the contents of a child's plush 
toy 

6. Polyester carpet fibers 

7. Several strips of urine-soaked cotton cloth 

8. Human tears and mucus 


Test reference: 0058 

Subject: Researcher Liebowitz 

Description of Test: Subject was asked to recall his lunch, eaten in 
the Site 22 canteen earlier that day 

Result: Bottles were filled with the following substances/materials: 


. Diet soda 

. Shreds of baked chicken 

. Off-brand catsup 

. Strips of paper napkin 

. Linoleum disc, materials comparable to tabletop of canteen 
furnishings 

. Feces of Rattus norvegicus 

. Page from the Daily Racing Form, cut into shreds 

. $5.81 in United States currency (bills and coins) 


aRWN — 


CON © 


Test reference: 0061 

Subject: D-6312 

Description of Test: The 1993 film Gettysburg was exhibited to 
subject. Subject was asked to recall the film. 

Result: Bottles were filled with the following substances/materials: 


1. Popcorn 
2. Off-brand cola consistent with beverage consumed by subject 
while viewing the film. 


Test reference: 0062 

Subject: D-6344 

Description of Test: The 1993 film Gettysburg was exhibited to 
subject. Subject suffers from schizophrenia and indicates a 
diminished capacity to distinguish fact from fiction. Subject was 
coached to believe that subject had personally witnessed the events 


depicted in the film. 
Result: Bottles were filled with the following substances/materials: 


. Popcorn 

. Diphenylbutylpiperidine 

. Lithium carbonate 

. Approximately 30 cm of tightly-wound Betamax videotape 
which, upon analysis, contained a recording of a segment of 
the film 


ROP 


Note: It was an avenue worth exploring. 


Test reference: 0063 

Subject: D-7212 

Description of Test: Subject was awakened from REM sleep and 
asked to recall her dream. Subject reported experiencing an anxiety 
dream about having failed to study for a high school examination. 
Result: Single bottle, containing strip of cotton sheeting consistent 
with subject's cot in Site-22 D-class secured dormitory. 

Note: This appears to be another blind alley. 


Test reference: 0052 

Subject: D-2834 

Description of Test: Subject underwent hypnosis and was asked to 
recall her earliest memory. 

Result: Single bottle, filled with human amniotic fluid 


Test reference: 0065 

Subject: D-3751