Footnotes 
1. Up to and including showing identifying features of the subject 
and the interiors of their dwellings. 


SCP-3270: The Painting That Makes You A Furry 


Item #: SCP-3270 
Object Class: Safe 


Special Containment Procedures: SCP-3270 is to be kept within a 
storage locker on Site-64. All photos of SCP-3270 are to be deleted 
upon discovery, excluding photos of any copies of SCP-3270. 
Instances of SCP-3270-1 are to be kept at Site-88, but otherwise are 
allowed to roam the facility freely, with the exception of areas limited 
to Foundation personnel. Instances of SCP-3270-1 are to be fed 
cooked fish and milk at regular intervals. Requests for toys and 
other amenities are to be approved by 3 Class B Personnel on 
Site-88, though requests cannot exceed 30 (Thirty) US Dollars in 
cost. 


Description: SCP-3270 is a painting, depicting several cats dancing 
around various devices capable of playing music. Viewing 
SCP-3270 directly or indirectly causes the viewer to undergo various 
physical and mental changes over the course of several months. 
(See Document-3270-1) This effect does not apply to copies of 
SCP-3270, either through printing or recreation. Viewers of 
SCP-3270 are to be classified as instances of SCP-3270-1 


Document-3270-1 


Initial Viewing: Viewers will express admiration for 

SCP-3270. Viewers who viewed a copy of SCP-3270 
and expressed apathy or disapproval before viewing 
SCP-3270 will still express admiration for SCP-3270. 


1 Hour After Initial Viewing: Viewers will exhibit 
increased enthusiasm, curiosity, and generally have a 
more positive outlook on life. 


1 Day After Initial Viewing: Viewers will show increased 


interest in felines, through looking at pictures/videos of 
common house cats, purchasing clothing, furniture, or 
other objects depicting cats, or adopting pet cats. 


1 Week After Initial Viewing: Viewers will begin 
recommending others begin adopting cats as pets, as 
well as recommend viewing SCP-3270. 


3 Weeks After Initial Viewing: Viewers will begin 
exhibiting cat-like behaviour, such as licking themselves 
as a Substitute to more formal means of bathing, 
preferring to eat food on the floor, and walking using both 
their arms and legs. 


2 Months After Initial Viewing: Viewers will show 
increased body hair growth. 


4 Months After Initial Viewing: Viewers’ skeletal 
system will begin to shrink, with their muscles and skin 
doing the same. 


5 Months After Initial Viewing: Other miscellaneous 
changes to the viewers’ body will occur, such as ears 
changing shape and location, eyes restructuring to 
resemble those of house cats, and loss of thumbs and 
fingers, in place of phalanges typical of house cats. 


6 Months After Initial Viewing: Instances of 
SCP-3270-1 are physically identical to a non-anomalous 
house cat, though are able to still soeak, despite not 
having the needed organs to do so. The psychological 
effects of SCP-3270 listed above have dissipated at this 
point. Instances of SCP-3270-1 will have the lifespan of 
an average human, though are able to be terminated by 
normal means. 


Interview-3270-1 
Interviewed: Doctor Allison, An Instance Of SCP-3270-1 


Interviewer: Doctor Glenrowan 


Foreward: Doctor Allison willingly viewed SCP-3270. 
This interview was conducted 8 months after initial 
viewing. 


<Begin Log> 


Doctor Glenrowan: Why did you willingly view 
SCP-3270? 


SCP-3270-1: Curiosity, mostly. 


Doctor Glenrowan: How would you describe the 
process of transforming into an instance of SCP-3270-1? 


SCP-3270-1: It felt alright at first, like I'd found a new 
hobby. Then when it got to actually turning into a cat, it 
got excruciatingly painful. 


Doctor Glenrowan: What is your opinion on SCP-3270? 
SCP-3270-1: It ruined my life. 


Doctor Glenrowan: I’m speaking of the artistic quality of 
SCP-3270. 


Doctor Glenrowan passes a copy of SCP-3270 to 
SCP-3270-1. 


SCP-3270-1: Oh, yeah. | guess it’s cute. 


<End Log> 


SCP-3271: It Was A Dark And Stormy Knight 


Item #: SCP-3271 
Object Class: Euclid 


Special Containment Procedures: SCP-3271 is to be contained in 
a 5m x 5m x 5m humanoid containment chamber, which is to be 
kept under guard by two security personnel at all times. This 
containment chamber is to be equipped with a drainage system to 
prevent accumulation of rainwater. In order to prevent uncontrolled 
lightning strikes in the containment chamber, SCP-3271 is to be kept 


gagged. 


Any objects or entities emerging from SCP-3271 are to be subdued 
and brought into secondary containment pending further analysis. 
All feeding of SCP-3271 is to be done intravenously in accordance 
with Nutritional Chart 3271-1. 


Description: SCP-3271 is a thirty-five year old male named Adrian 
Knight, whose body holds an extra-dimensional space containing a 
perpetual and severe thunderstorm. The presence of this space 
seems to cause no biological difficulties for SCP-3271, who is still 
able to undergo bodily functions normally. However, some physical 
abnormalities have become apparent as a result of the space's 
presence. 


SCP-3271's skin constantly expels copious amounts of rainwater, 
presumed to originate from within the extra-dimensional space. 
Similarly, bolts of lightning have been known to emerge from 
SCP-3271's mouth while it is open. While these physical 
abnormalities cause SCP-3271 a great deal of distress, they do not 
appear to be capable of physically harming it. 


On several occasions, objects resembling miniature versions of 
vehicles such as planes and helicopters have also been known to 
appear within SCP-3271's mouth. While these vehicles are 


extremely accurate in terms of engineering and structure, they have 
been completely empty in all cases. 


The origin of SCP-3271 is unclear, as it claims to possess no 
memories apart from its name before its sudden appearance in 
Tallahassee, Florida. Upon it reporting its situation and abnormal 
physical qualities to local police, Foundation agents in the area 
quickly intervened and brought SCP-3271 into containment. 


Addendum 3271-1: On 02/03/2017, what appeared to be a 
miniature version of an unmanned Foundation probe emerged from 
SCP-3271's mouth and began inspecting the containment chamber. 
Due to its small size and resultant fragility, containment of this object 
resulted in minor damage to it. Nevertheless, the following data was 
successfully recovered from the probe: 


« An image of the 'Hollywood' sign in Los Angeles. It is raining 
heavily. The sign has been partially crushed by a piece of 
what appears to be a bacon sandwich. ! 

« An image of Times Square in New York. It is raining heavily. A 
great number of people appear to be fleeing from a wave of 
substantial size that is moving up the street. 

¢ An image of a large group of boats and ships in the middle of 
the ocean. It is raining heavily. The top of a skyscraper can be 
seen emerging from the water. 

¢ A two-minute video clip of an individual identical to SCP-3271 
speaking into the camera, taken in some form of laboratory. 
While audio of this clip has been lost, he is speaking quickly in 
what appears to be a panicked manner. A large conical 
machine is visible behind the man, and the video ends ina 
flash of light when he pulls a lever on the side of it. Outside a 
window in the background, it can be seen to be raining 
heavily. 


Footnotes 
1. Following recovery of this image, current feeding measures for 
SCP-3271 were implemented. 


SCP-3273: Self-Performed Brain Editing Manual 


A close image displaying the various packaging and 


tablets discovered with an instance of SCP-3273 while 
imitating a widely-distributed ingestible analgesic. 


Item #: SCP-3273 
Object Class: Keter 


Special Containment Procedures: All recovered instances of 
SCP-3273 are currently in storage at Site-128 in Locker 5-54. No 
personnel are to handle the packaging or individual tablets of 
SCP-3273 to prevent accidental inhaling of residual dust from the 
tablets. 


By order of the Ethics Committee, all instances of SCP-3273-1 are 
to be immediately destroyed. 


Description: SCP-3273 (referring to a single instance) is a plain 
container of prescription painkiller tablets for swallowing and 
ingestion. Chemical analysis reveals that SCP-3273 is a form of 
opioid drug. Packaging of all instances is printed with dosage 
information which refers to SCP-3273 as the "self-performed brain 
editing manual", and advises the user to only take if they "have a 
drill". 


Anomalous effects of SCP-3273 occur approximately 35 minutes 
following ingestion, hereby referred to as ‘exposure’, to an instance 
of SCP-3273. The affected individual (designated SCP-3273-1) will 
begin to experience a gradual loss in all physical sensations of pain. 
Distress from physical injuries, lacerations and burns will become 
increasingly difficult for SCP-3273-1 to notice or register. The rate of 
this process is determined predominantly by dosage size - a single 
tablet from SCP-3273 should be capable of preventing an adult male 
SCP-3273-1 from recognising any form of injury within 2 hours. 


SCP-3273 is proven to be a highly-addictive substance, with 


significantly higher addiction rate when compared to similar 
substances such as heroin. Most instances of SCP-3273-1 commit 
to overdosing in SCP-3273 within approximately 3 days following 
initial exposure. 


Instances of SCP-3273-1 who overdose in SCP-3273 will 
experience a gradual inversion of pain lasting 24 hours. At an 
indefinite point in this period, instances will discover that the 
experience of pain now induces sensations of emotional calm and 
satisfaction. Once SCP-3273-1 is aware of their state, SCP-3273-1 
may come to enjoy physical injuries, and gradually inflict intended 
harm upon themselves. The effects of an overdose of SCP-3273-1 
appear to be irreversible, unlike regular intake of the substance. 
Most instances of SCP-3273-1 are observed to expire from injuries 
inflicted by themselves, and deaths from SCP-3273-1 are frequently 
abandoned as cases of suicide. 


SCP-3273 is suspected to influence its subjects through chemical 
editing of the brain, and severe alteration of opioid receptors in the 
peripheral nervous system. This has been observed to interrupt 
specifically the line of communication between the thalamus and the 
cerebral cortex. Analysis of chemical composition of SCP-3273 
samples reveal that the object is a form of opioid drug similar to 
heroin, containing an unidentifiable biological material which acts as 
a blocking agent, disrupting or preventing nerve signals from 
passing. 


Distribution of SCP-3273 is widespread, having infiltrated all areas 
of drug use including hospital surgery, prescription painkillers, 
sedatives and narcotics. SCP-3273's primary method of entering 
these markets is through imitation of other opioid substances. It is 
unknown where SCP-3273 is entering the pharmaceutical network 
or the narcotics trade, but investigation is ongoing. Due to this, 
SCP-3273 stands as officially uncontained. 


Addendum 3273-a | Evidence File 3273-1 


+ Access, evidence file: Russia, Arhangelsk: Dr. Rayt Dividsky (54) - 
16th instance 


Some of the most extreme capabilities of SCP-3273 


were first demonstrated by Dr. Rayt Dividsky (54); a 
renowned Russian dentist and retired practitioner. He 
was exposed to SCP-3273 presumably due to the 
handling of several variants of dentistry painkiller while 
applying them to patients. Most notably, SCP-3273 was 
suspected to be a pre-packaged syringe for injection of 
the substance, imitating morphine. 


The Foundation was first notified of Dr. Dividsky's 
behaviour after reports from neighbours to the local 
police that they had witnessed him mutilating himself 
through a window in his study. 


[START EXTRACT 00:00:00] 


(00:00:05) Dispatcher: "Yerinkat Police 
Department." 


(00:00:13) Caller: "Hey, err- | don't know if | 
should be calling you directly but my Mr. 
Dividsky from next door is in his bathroom- | 
think, and he's... [pause] ...1 don't know, but 
he looks like he's cutting himself or 
something.” 


(00:00:25) Dispatcher: "Ok... could you, 
expand on that." 


(00:00:34) Caller: "| don't know what he's 
doing. | just noticed it through the window this 
morning, and | stopped and looked and he's 
still there with a knife or something- he's doing 
something with his face and his mouth- | don't 
know. | think he may be bleeding or 
something." 


(00:00:45) Dispatcher: "Did you go into the 
house to speak to him?" 


(00:00:51) Caller: "I tried. His door was 
locked. He wasn't making any noise." 


mutated skin. 


« Phase 5: 1-2 days after phase 4. Phase 4 and 5 may overlap 
significantly, with different portions of the skin entering phase 
5 faster than others. The twitching/writhing skin activity gives 
way to organised motion. The skin can now be considered a 
separate organism from the host; it moves the body like a 
puppet (albeit slowly), and exhibits extremely rudimentary 
intelligence. It is a scavenger organism and opportunistic 
predator. The skin digests food by excreting a clear 
enzymaceous fluid onto proposed food, leaving it to digest, 
and then folding the food into itself. Ingested food is taken into 
folds lined with thick, heavy, hairs and keratinous plates 
leading down into the 'throats'. Inside this mouth, a grinding 
net of keratinous plates break down food, which is then filtered 
and absorbed into the host's blood. Activity scans of the brain 
show many hosts, at this stage, have gone insane. Some, 
however, seem relatively calm, and are processing input from 
eyes and ears normally. 


¢ Phase 6: Most infected remain at phase 5 indefinitely; the 
trigger which causes a shift into phase 6 is unknown. The skin 
begins rapidly growing hair and keratinous "teeth", increasing 
in mass, and [DATA EXPUNGED]. Infected patients who 
appear to be entering phase 6 should be destroyed 
immediately by total incineration. 


Treatment: SCP-420-2 can be treated in phase 1 by aggressive 
radiation and chemotherapy, coupled with constant intravenous 
administration of formula 420-a09t-t174b (see Medical Document 
420a-4 for pharmaceutical and chemical properties and therapy 
description). This treatment has a 73% success rate (full removal of 
SCP-420-2) and 21% fatality. From phase 2 onward, constant 
administration of 420-a09t-t174b will slow the progression by two to 
tenfold, but rarely removes it entirely (Success rate of full removal of 
SCP-420-2 drops by about 25% per day after the onset of phase 2). 
Additionally, 420-a09t-t174b appears to be at least part of the trigger 
to entering phase 6: 420-a09t-t174b treatment should be halted in 
phase 5. 


Recovery Log 420: SCP-420 was found in the possession of an 


(00:01:55) Dispatcher: "Did you call for him?" 


(00:02:02) Caller: "Yes, | tried- Christ- 
there's... [pause] ...blood on... what's he 
doing?" 


[Pause.] 


(00:02:13) Dispatcher: "Well... we've sent 
someone. Stay on the line for a minute with 
us." 


[END OF EXTRACT 00:02:20] 


When police arrived they reported finding some of Dr. 
Dividsky's teeth and hair in a bowl of milk downstairs. 
Upon heading upstairs to confront Dr. Dividsky, he 
attacked and killed both armed officers with a fire 
extinguisher. Dr. Dividsky by this point had managed to 
survive a total of 15 days after exposure to at least 27 
individual tablets from SCP-3273. When Foundation staff 
were notified, the house was again breached and Dr. 
Dividsky was neutralised.