Addendum A On [REDACTED] For god's sake Jillian, stop 
redacting my notes no, it was discovered that both the cable box 
and the Roku have smartphone apps, which can control both 
devices. Researcher Benson kindly installed these apps, and set 
them up on both his, and Researcher Benson's smartphones Both 
applications were installed, and SCP-027-J's effect now appears to 
extend to Researcher Benson's phone now too, since that's either 
dead or missing all the time For fuck's sake Phil, it's not that big of a 
deal, when I'm home. Just stop losing the goddamned remotes! 
Research in to the spread of SCP-027-u's effect and Jillian's inability 
to keep track of a THOUSAND DOLLAR PHONE It was 450, you 
giant crybaby. is ongoing. 


Dr. Lornth's Note: 
Jesus christ, would you two PLEASE get some counselling? 


SCP- -J: Procrastinati 


Item #:SCP-_ ss -J 

Object Class: 

Special Containment Procedures: In a box in my office. 
Description: It's a rock that makes you procrastinate. 
Addendum: Probably memetic or something. 


I'll finish writing this up later.- Dr. Vang 


SCP-031-J: Evening of Terrors 


Item #: SCP-031-J 
Object Class: Euclid 


Special Containment Procedures: On October agents are to be 
given an assorted amount of candy and placed strategically in each 
city. When approached agents are to distribute the candy so as to 
avoid hostilities. Agents are urged to not distribute items pertaining 
to dental hygiene. 


Description: SCP-031-J is an event that occurs annually. Analyses 
of trends have pinpointed the event to fall on October , however 
minor fluctuations are suspected. The trend of appearance of the 
event mainly occurs in North America and Western Europe, however 
rogue instances of SCP-031-J may manifest in various cities 
worldwide. 


At the time of an SCP-031-J event, several instances of SCP-031- 
J-1 will manifest on various city streets. Appearances of instances of 
SCP-031-J-1 vary wildly, however they have been described as 
mainly grotesque. Documented instances have resembled historical 
figures, pop culture icons and occasionally instances of SCP-777-J, 
SCP-1344-J and SCP-2008-J. Typically instances will be much 
shorter than an average adult, with an average height of ~1.4 
meters. 


Instances of SCP-031-J-1 will approach households in an ordered 
fashion and exclaim" or  ". The exact meaning of this phrase 
is unknown, however researchers have suggested that this may 
indicate that the instances will damage the household or owners 
unless they are given some form of appeasement. This is verified by 
the giving of candy to instances of SCP-031-J-1, which appears to 
appease them until the next household. 


Shorter instances of SCP-031-J-1 show a tendency to place various 


adult humans in a trance state. Subjects act with a spirit of 
benevolence towards instances, and will fiercely defend instances in 
case of attack.1 


SCP-031-J also has several other effects: 


« Adolescents, especially males, show a marked tendency to 
vandalize households through creative uses of toilet paper 

¢ Pumpkins displaying faces of varying delight and malevolence 
appear on the doorsteps of households 

¢ The transformation of various households into what 
researchers have described as "terrifying." Normal 
households may gain cobwebs, graves, whisk brooms, and 
animate humanoid corpses? along their exterior. 

¢ Larger instances of SCP-031-J-1 showing signs of inebriation 


Addendum 031-J-1: Interview Log 031-J-1: 
Interviewer: Dr. 
Interviewed: Instance of SCP-031-J-1 


Background: This instance of SCP-031-J-1 was quickly 
intercepted by Dr. during an SCP-031-J event. The 
instance was quickly interviewed before hostilities 
emerged. 

<Begin Log> 

Dr. : Hello? 

SCP-031-J-1: Helloooooo! 

Dr. : What... what are you? 

SCP-031-J-1: I'm a ghoooooost! 

Dr. : You're a departed spirit? 


SCP-031-J-1: No, I'm a ghooooost! Ooga booga booga! 


Dr. : (Aside to researchers) Note possible hostility. 


90% of damaged areas. 


« SCP-539 | SCP-540 | SCP-541 » 


(To SCP-031-J-1) | mean, are you dead? 
SCP-031-J-1: D-dead? 
Dr. : Yes, were you formerly a dead person? 


SCP-031-J-1: No... I'm just... (Begins emitting high- 
pitched wailing noise) 


Dr. : Shit! It's hostile, run! 
<End Log> 


Smaller instances appear to be more aggressive - Dr. 


Interview Log 031-J-2: 
Interviewer: Dr. 
Interviewed: Larger instance SCP-031-J-1 


Background: This instance was approached following 
its liberal use of toilet paper on a vehicle. 


<Begin Log> 


Dr. : Why have you decorated that vehicle in such 
an odd way? 


SCP-031-J-1: Who the fuck are you? 
Dr. : Does it appease your god? 


SCP-031-J-1: What? No. You aren't going to call the 
cops are you? 


Dr. : (Consulting with research team) No, we will 
not. Now, what are you? 


SCP-031-J-1: I'm Hugh Hefner, what does it look like? 


Dr. : My research team has just checked. Hugh 


Hefner is currently in his mansion in [REDACTED] 


SCP-031-J-1: Are you retarded or something? Look, I've 
got the pipe and the robe. 


Dr. : My god! 
<End Log> 


Possible case of bilocation. Further research is required. 
- Dr. 


Footnotes 
1. This has made retrieval of instances of SCP-031-J-1 difficult. 
2. Corpses do not appear capable of full locomotion 


SCP-1472-J: Scranton Realty Anchors 


Item #: SCP-1472-J 
Object Class: Safe 


Special Containment Procedures: Each SCP-1472-J instance is 
to be either in use at one of SCR's properties or stored at any 
Foundation site with an adequate Safe-class containment area at 
any given time. During transportation, SCP-1472-J instances are to 
be secured in the back of the vehicle and covered with a protective 
opaque tarp. To deter civilian inquiries and tampering, the vehicle in 
question is to be flagged with standard transport warning ‘corrosive’ 
and 'radioactive' placards. 


The front cover of the South Coast Realty Guaranteed Listings 
Informational Flier!™ Click to enlarge! 
When installing an SCP-1472-J instance on-site on one of SCR's 


properties, the area is to be secured by no fewer than three qualified 
Foundation personnel equipped with the following: 


¢ At least one flashlight; 

¢ At least one handheld radio, standard Foundation network cell 
phone, or similar communication device; 

¢ At least one Mark IV (or higher) Miniaturized Portable 
Scranton Reality Anchor! (Mk. |V MPSRA)? rated to at least 
eight Humes; 

¢ At least three copies of the South Coast Realty Guaranteed 
Listings Informational Flier!™: 

¢ At least two spray cans of Class-A amnestics, in case of 
civilian intervention. 


Description: SCP-1472-J is any one of 35 instances of a large, 
primarily metallic device’ which, when activated, emits a faint red 
light, low levels of microwave and infrared radiation, and a Hume 
resistance field of anywhere from one to seven Humes. 


SCP-1472-J instances are anomalous in that they do not require a 
constant power supply despite using an estimated 2,000 watts when 
powered on; they instead function reliably for several years at a time 
with no electrical input other than that of the initial input. Site-81 
R&D personnel cite never having installed capacitors capable of this 
level of power conservation during prototype stages, and it is not 
understood how SCP-1472-J instances developed this function. 
Further research is ongoing.4 


Currently there are 35 registered SCP-1472-J devices; two are 
derelict and no longer safe for field application, 27 are in use at SCR 
properties, and six are held in storage at Sites -81 and -12. SCR has 
27 listed properties across the continental United States, all of which 
are former sites of anomalous activity purchased by the Foundation 
for research. 


SCP-1472-J instances are used on-site at properties listed by South 
Coast Realty for the purposes of continued protection from reality- 
affecting anomalous events, stabilization of the area®, and increase 
of property value. 


+ show five most recent SCR listings 


SRA Location On-Site: Upper right corner of 
lot, installed one meter underneath new 
landscaping (inaccessible; estimated life of 
device is ~17 years) 

SRA in Use: #02 

Baseline Hume Level Set: 3.3 

Date of Installation: 02.01.17 


SRA Location On-Site: Driveway, installed 
two meters underneath new concrete, 
accessible from padlocked access gate in 
nearby city sewage system 

SRA in Use: #10 

Baseline Hume Level Set: 4.6 

Date of Installation: 01.24.17 


SRA Location On-Site: Underneath garage, 
accessible from keycard-locked hidden door in 
basement 

SRA in Use: #08 

Baseline Hume Level Set: 1.7 

Date of Installation: 01.15.17 


SRA Location On-Site: East side of lot, 
buried under two meters of fresh soil and 
bushes (inaccessible; estimated life of device 
is ~15 years) 

SRA in Use: #14 

Baseline Hume Level Set: 3.1 

Date of Installation: 01.08.17 


SRA Location On-Site: Underneath garage, 
accessible from keycard-locked hidden door in 
basement 

SRA in Use: #20 

Baseline Hume Level Set: 2.4 

Date of Installation: 12.31.16 


History: The first intentional SCP-1472-J prototype was developed 
in 2009 as a joint effort between Site-81 R&D and South Coast 
Realty” in order to facilitate an organized, consistent, and safe 
manner of confirming property which was formerly anomalous can 
indeed be safely sold to the public Foundation personnel, retired 
Foundation personnel, or members of neutral or non-hostile Groups 
of Interest. 


SCP-1472-J was originally planned for development as the Mark VIII 
iteration of the Foundation standard Scranton Reality Anchor, but 
through errors in development was found to be dysfunctional, with 
an upper containment limit of only seven Humes® Thus, the blueprint 
and all related research was scrapped, and a new iteration of the 


Mark VIII standard SRA was developed. However, the failed 
prototype was then picked up by agents of South Coast Realty, who 
cited its large size and low Hume control capabilities as being 
“perfect for that shitty-ass lot out in SCP- _'s area; god, | fucking 
hate that place, but if | can close it at 275 grand during this housing 
market crash, I'll win the monthly company competition, so I'll be 
damned."9 Following this, Site-81 R&D oversight approved 
collaborative research efforts between themselves and Foundation 
front company South Coast Realty, and signed over all internal 
Foundation usage and development rights to SCR agents. Following 
this, SCP-1472-J instances were put into use with approval from all 
involved departments. 


Footnotes 

1. Not to be confused with SCP-1472-J instances, which are 
commonly referred to as "Scranton Realty Anchors" 

2.Blueprint Information:Mk. IV Miniaturized Portable Scranton 
Reality AnchorMk. IV MPSRA V 1.1 released to Foundation records 
database 02.07.17Released by creator ( ) under Foundation 
standard CC-by-SA-3.0 parametersDeveloped by for 
Foundation R&D Dept. 03 Site-81 Click here to enlarge.For more 
information, pleasesearch Site-81 R&D archives. 

3. See History. 

4. But why bother, when this meansGuaranteed Closings!™? 

5. When a piece of land is found to show anomalous activity, the 
Foundation will often purchase the land(_, .History of 
Foundation Methods and Containment.Site-19, 2008.) in order to 
safely observe it and prevent government or civilian interference, 
before declaring it safe or unsafe and reselling it or condemning it, 
respectively. 

6. Shaw, Agent R.All Anomalous Events in Existence and Their 
Sources Can be Summarized by the Existence of Humes and Those 
of You Who Say Otherwise Can Suck My Dick.Site-12, 2012. 
7.The Foundation's real estate company, formed in 1997 with the 
goal of remodeling and selling formerly anomalous land and homes 
upon post-containment confirmation of safe or no anomalous 
activity. 

8. For comparison, modern full-size Scranton Reality Anchors have 
a capacity of up to 65 Humes. 

9. Sawyer, Agent J. (2009, July 20). Personal interview. 


SCP-1994-J: THE BAAAAAAAAAAALLLLL 


Item #: SCP-1994-J 


WE HAVE TO GO TO THE PARK TOO! CAN WE GO TO THE 
PARK? PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE CAN WE GO TO THE 


Description: IT'S A BIG SHINY GREEN BALL AND | LOVE TO 
PLAY WITH IT! SOMETIMES HE TRIES TO TRICK ME WHEN HE 


WE GO OUT IN THE FRONT LAWN AND HE THROWS IT BACK 
AND FORTH AND IT'S AWESOME AND- 


what's that motherfuckin' mailman doing here? 


yeah, you better go away. motherfucker. 


WILL YOU THROW IT IN THE POOL??!?!?!?! 


PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE | LOVE WHEN YOU THROW THE 
BALL IN THE POOL AND | GO GET IT AND YAAAAAAAAAAY ! 


Addendum: | LOVE THE BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLL 


SCP-2950-J: THE POSTCARD 


Item #: SCP-2950-J 
Object Class: Safe 


Special Containment Procedures: SCP-2950-J is to be housed in 
a standard storage container in Site-68. No further containment 
procedures are required. 


Description: SCP-2950-J is an American postcard, the design of 
which depicts the phrase "HUMENS SUk" in bold black ink. When 
read by subjects, they will continually express a negative opinion of 
the human race. This effect recedes after 12 hours. 


+ Enter O5 Credentials 


WARNING WARNING WARNING. 
ATTEMPTING TO IMPERSONATE A MEMBER 
OF THE O5 COUNCIL IS PUNISHABLE BY 
TERMINATION, SUPER TERMINATION, AND/ 
OR NECROTIZING FUCKTROCUTION. IF YOU 
ARE NOT A MEMBER OF THE O5 COUNCIL, 
CLOSE THIS PANEL IN THE NEXT FIVE 
SECONDS OR FACE IMMINENT 
DEPLOYMENT OF A FRITO/BANDITO-CLASS 
LETHAL COGNITOHAZARD. YOU HAVE 
BEEN WARNED, AND THIS IS THE LAST 
TIME THAT YOU WILL BE WARNED. YOU 
WILL NOT BE WARNED A SECOND TIME. 
THREE WARNINGS ARE RIGHT OUT. ENJOY 
YOUR DESICCATED CORPSE, NERD. 


Hello, new member of the O5 Council. If you are reading 


this, you have been inducted into the Council and will 
now be informed about the true nature of SCP-2950-J. 


It literally does exactly what it describes, and nothing 
else. 


You may have heard a bunch of rumors about this thing 
secretly being an ZXK-Omega-Black End-of-the- 
Freaking-Everything Scenario waiting to happen, and 
some weird shit about perception-based shapeshifting 
and the like, but | can assure you, this thing is just a 
postcard that induces a half-day of misanthropy and 
nothing more. In fact, this collapsible is pretty much just 
to keep the Level 4's and lower on their toes. A nervous 
researcher is a productive researcher! 


You can go about your business. And congrats on the 
promotion. 


- 05-4 


+ Does the Black Moon Howl? 


AND IT'S HOWLING FOR YOU TO FUCKING CHILL 
ABOUT THIS STUPID POSTCARD. 


I'm pretty sure a tablespoon of non-anomalous couch lint 
is deadlier than this fucking postcard. You could at least 
choke on the former in its present form, and you'd have 
to really work at the latter to get it in a choke-on-able 
state. 


We have literally thousands of bigger things to worry 
about. Y'all are stupid. 


- 05-4 


+ 38SOTERIC//// NeCrOmAnCy DrAgOn5d - 
2222? Omega//342-----Encrypt!on k3y? 


Alright, you persistent little turd. You think this is another 
thing like that goddamn air coupler, don't you? 


Look. We had to go through some sources familiar with 
anomalous objects - even our enemies - all so we could 
all collectively stop bitching about this postcard being the 
Antichrist or something. Here are the unanimous results 
about whether or not this SCP-2950-J is dangerous: 


Global Occult Coalition: "Meh. I'd still blow it up 
though." 


Serpent's Hand: "Big deal, we've got like 500 of these in 
the Library." 


Chaos Insurgency: "| mean, we could use it to destroy 
the Universe, but we'd have to add a lot of antimatter. 
Which pretty much goes for all other matter." 


Oneiroi Collective: "Not worth dreaming about."