Both sexes are highly resilient to firearms, incendiary devices, 
and insecticides. Asphyxiation by oxygen-deficient air has 
proven uniformly successful. 


Microscopic analysis has revealed that the exoskeleton is not 
primarily chitin, as with other insects, but a complex matrix of 

chitin, hydroxyapatite, and a fullerene hitherto undocumented. 
Further research is planned. 


« SCP-771 | SCP-772 | SCP-773 » 


Could you get back to me with 
regards to whatever's going on 
here? 


Thanks, 
Andrew 


~ *, Adilen Khayyam 

From: Senior Researcher Samuel 

~ organ 

~ sence 

~ th of March, 2015 
Message 

Dear Dr. Khayyam: 


Could | ask you when we'll be 
expecting Scott back? | 
understand he needs time to 
grieve, but we're currently behind 
on about six weeks of anomalous 
item processing and several 
critical pieces of work with some 
memetic anomalies we need to 
close before they can continue to 
balloon further out of control. He's 
one of our primary specialists 
here at Memetics and his 
absence is felt heavily every day. 


Please let me know ASAP when 
Scott will be available for work 
again. 

Regards, 


Sam 


“drew Gerson 
~ *, Adilen Khayyam 


Re: Re: Checking in with you about a 
~ Ww prescriptions 
~ th of March, 2015 
Message 
Hey Michael, 


No, | don't think I've told him to 
change the dose. Thanks for 
letting me know: this could get 
really worrying really fast. I'm 
going to ask the Medical staff to 
have him transferred to the 
Medical ward full time, just in 


case. 
Thanks, 
Adileh 
- ~ *, Adilenh Khayyam 
wv ~ sposablie Account 20371 
7 ~-338T0] PASS THIS ON 
3 ~ 9th of March, 2015 
Message 
Hey, 


You told me to get in touch when | 
could and you were right — | told 
Jake that you'd asked for me to 
get the laptop and he practically 
jumped out of his damn seat to 
get me one. Thanks for that. 


First things first: I'm gonna really 
miss Gracie. She was one of the 
few vets they had in the barracks 
here and she was a goddamn 
great girl, all things considered. 
Had crazy shop talk, kept on 
smiling even when we were all 


about to piss ourselves. A few of 
the other people here asked me 
to tell you that they wanted to say 
thanks for letting them go to the 
funeral. 


Second: tell the doctor I'm sorry. | 
didn't know Ari, never met the guy 
myself, but | saw him crying that 
day. 


| don't think anyone would cry that 
way over someone they didn't 
miss that much. 


| think that's all I've got to say at 
the moment. I'll talk to you again 
next week when the guards let 
me on the laptop again. 

= ~ *, Adilen Khayyam 
“drew Gerson 

~ 3: Leave 

~ th of March, 2015 


Message 
Sorry to bother you again, Adileh, 
but this Sam guy keeps picking 
on me whenever | tell him that 
"no, Scott's not coming back this 
week." Could you get someone 
upstairs to tell him to bugger off if 
he keeps asking? Thanks. 


> From: Samuel Morgan 

> To: Andrew Gerson 

> 

> Dear Mr. Gerson, 

> 

> A few of my colleagues have 
reported seeing Dr. Fletcher 


outside of work. They mainly 
report that he looks like he's well- 
recovered from last week's shock, 
and | have no reason to argue 
against them. Could you please 
provide me with some more 
concrete evidence of his 
continued need to be on leave? 
> 

> Thanks, 

> Samuel 


Thanks for following this up, 
Adileh. 


~ sposabie Account 20371 
~ *, Adilen Khayyam 
~ 3: [D-338T0] PASS THIS ON 
= : ~’th of March, 2015 
Message 
I'll try to get in touch with him the 
next time | get the chance. If | can 
arrange a meeting between the 
two of you, would that help? 
a “drew Gerson 
~ *, Adilen Khayyam 
~-cking This Upstairs 
a ; ~ th of March, 2015 
Message 
At this point, I'm seriously 
considering filing this as a proper 
complaint to the Ethics 
Committee. I'm seeing "no reason 
to argue against it". 


Technical Report (30th of March, 2015) 


~ 82931230 


gh 
~ 3curity Officer Malcolm Wethers 
Complaint 
Site-43's temporary email account 
appears to have been disabled by 
Level 4 Command, despite no 
known order to disable the 


Response 
Hi Malcolm, 


Seems like the account got 
forcibly closed just yesterday 
under suspicion of memetic 
contamination, which is probably 
why you didn't get told about it. 
Have you checked the LASHLEY 
infohazard scans to see if there's 
any leftover memetic bugs in the 
email's inbox? There's a one ina 
million chance that it won't send 
an alert to the tech staff, though 
we're working on eradicating that 
bug once and for all. If it does turn 
out you fell victim to that particular 
glitch, I'd say you'd be best off 
going through the logs yourself. 


Alternately, you could file a 
Mishandled Shutdown Form 
(available here) to try and 
reactivate the account. Failing 
that, you're just going to have to 
wait for another few weeks while 
we get the email all cleaned out. 


Private Message Recovered From Dr. Khayyam's Inbox (31st of 
March, 2015) 


Message 
Adileh, something's seriously 
wrong with Sam. 


The man's been asking to 
prescribe pretty goddamn strong 
amnestics to Scott under 
suspicion of a "memetic 
infection", and the only way | 
could get him off my goddamn 
back was by telling him he could 
come to the group therapy 
session next week if he didn't 
believe me. 


Could you send the attached 
security video to the Ethics 
Committee? Let's just say | have 
a strong feeling that if they get 
wind of this development they're 


not going to like Sam very much. 


Andy 


“drew Gerson 

~*~, Adilen Khayyam 

~ 1 my god 
~ed18_1130_1200.mp4 


Disciplinary Report for D-33810 (1st of May, 2015) 


Notes: 


2382-10223 

~~arning 

D-33810 was reprimanded for 
causing a disturbance after being 
notified of several technical 
issues which had occurred earlier 
in the week. These technical 
issues led to the temporary 
suspension of her communication 
privileges, believed to be the 


reason for her erratic behaviour. 
As per standard disciplinary 
escalation, further disruptive 
behaviour should result in a 
revocation of such privileges. 


Excerpted Security Feed Transcript (2nd of May, 2015) 


[CAM FEED 8] 


28:25: Alert sounds. Officer Wethers immediately moves 
to assist medical team. Member of medical team (Dr. 
Brooke Winters) warns Officer Wethers away. 


28:28: Medical team enters Room 16 of the Medical Bay, 
hosting Dr. Scott Fletcher. 


28:51: Dr. Winters exits Room 16 of the Medical Bay. 
Winters and Wethers converse for some time. 


[CAM FEED 3] 

28:53: Wethers attempts to converse with D-33810. 
28:55: D-33810 appears to dismiss Wethers. 
28:56: Wethers exits Room 3. 

[CAM FEED 8] 

29:01: Alarm ceases sounding. 

29:02: Medical team exits Room 16. 


<END TRANSCRIPT> 


A Most Unfortunate Reunion 


Dr. Matthew Eggers, special assistant for sapient animal research at 
Site 19, sat at a bare table in Interview Room C, a notepad in his 
hand. In front of him, crawling back and forth across the table, was 
the creature that had occupied so much of his time for the last six 
months - SCP-1867, a telepathic, English-speaking sea slug that 
claimed to be Lord Theodore Thomas Blackwood, a 19th century 
British gentleman and explorer in a severe state of denial about his 
physical form. "Lord Blackwood", as he insisted on being called, was 
relating yet another fabulous and improbable tale of his adventures, 
and as he had done three times a week for months now, Eggers 
was taking down the self-proclaimed scientist's words on his 
notepad. Thus far, the Foundation had yet to decisively verify a 
single one of his anecdotes - but if even half of his claimed 
encounters with other contained objects were true, then there was a 
wealth of information in the slug's head that would be of great use in 
the Foundation's work. 


"There | was!" Lord Blackwood exclaimed. "Thousands of feet above 
the forests of Baden, my eyes level with the peak of the Feldberg 
itself, my legs wrapped for dear life around the neck of an Austrian 
green dragon, one hand feverishly clutching the reins as | struggled 
to bring myself about. The saddle had fallen to the ground when | 
cut it loose, taking the beast's Prussian rider with it. | had expended 
my last rounds of ammunition fleeing Count von Zeppelin's airborne 
war machine before it caught aflame and fell to the Earth. | managed 
to cajole the dragon into turning back towards the east, and that's 
when | caught sight of a truly massive dragon - one of the rare 
Grand Romanov breed, imported from Russia - bedecked in 
burnished steel armor that shone impossibly bright as it caught the 
last rays of the evening sun. There, upon its back, | saw my quarry - 
Kaiser Frederick III himself. On any other day, | would never have 
dared to test my prowess against the man who was after all the 
husband of our dear queen's daughter. But now that the Eye of 
Lakshmi itself - that famed Hindustani amulet with the power to carry 


a man's soul into a new body after death - was in the hands of the 
Second Reich, | was left with no recourse. 


"| drove the dragon straight at the Kaiser's and called forth from its 
lips a burst of flame that the Hun barely evaded. As | turned about to 
make another pass, | saw him blow into a massive hunting horn that 
echoed across the mountains and valleys of the Schwarzwald - and 
to my horror, another half-dozen dragons rose out of the opaque 
canopies below, fresh and ready for the fight. | was outnumbered 
and outgunned - the last of England's finest drake-men had been 
felled by von Zeppelin's contraption, our fusiliers on the ground 
forced to retreat by the German cavalry advance. | had only one 
hope to win the day. Holding on to the reins for dear life, | reached 
into my pack and carefully withdrew the oddly-shaped red vase that 
housed the most unusual of benefactors..." 


"I'm sorry, Lord Blackwood," Dr. Eggers interrupted, "but I'm going to 
have to cut you off there. It's going to take me the rest of the day to 
translate all this from the shorthand, and the rest of the week for the 
staff to go over it. We'll have to finish the story during the next 
interview. Alright?" 


"Dash it all!" Lord Blackwood replied. "| was just getting to the good 
part. Very well, | suppose I'll have to leave you in suspense for 
another week." 


"I'm glad you understand," Eggers said, as he rose from the chair 
and made his way to the door. "Just wait right there and Dr. 
Andrews will be by in a few minutes you take you back to your tank." 


"About that, my dear boy," Lord Blackwood said. "Do you think you 
could finally see your way to draining all that excess water out? | 
appreciate a good swim as much as the next fellow, but my skin has 
become far too wrinkled as of late." 


"I'll pass that on to the director," Eggers said. The door closed 
behind him and Lord Blackwood was alone - or so he thought. From 
the air vent near the ceiling of the room, an interloper had been 
observing in secret the conversation between the doctor and the 
slug, waiting for exactly this moment. As Lord Blackwood turned his 
back to the vent, idly crawling about and humming "Land of Hope 


and Glory" to himself, he made his move. Slowly and silently, he 
exited the vent and made his way down the floor and to the table. 
Inch by inch, minute by minute, the unexpected guest made his way 
across the wooden surface, following Lord Blackwood's slime trail 
until he was almost right behind the slug at the table's edge, and 
then... 


"Ol! TOMMY!" 


Lord Blackwood had moved on to singing bits and pieces of "The 
Pirates of Penzance" when the silence was broken by a loud cry ina 
vulgar London patois. The nudibranch half-instinctively attempted to 
reach for his hip before recalling that he was not carrying a gun, and 
instead turned himself around as fast as one in his condition could 
do so and found himself face-to-face with the last thing he had 
expected so rude a call to emanate from - a common snail, its 
pulsating eyestalks fixated directly on him. 


In all his years of adventuring, Lord Blackwood had never 
encountered so bizarre a thing as a talking snail. Nonetheless, he 
took a deep breath and gave the creature a stern glare of his own as 
he replied, "Who the Devil are you and how do you know my 
name?" 


"Oh, come on, Tommy," the snail replied in a dialect that made Lord 
Blackwood cringe. "Surely you 'aven't forgotten the face of your dear 
old 'friend' Georgie, ‘ave ya?" 


"George Phillip Harris the Fourth," Lord Blackwood sneered. "| 
should've recognized that guttural nonsense you have the audacity 
to call English right away. What are you doing here? Need to borrow 
money? On the run from the Swiss Guard? Perhaps you've 
concocted another ridiculous scheme to defraud the Americans out 
of the territories?" 


"You and | got some unfinished business to settle, Tommy," Harris 
said. "You killed me back in '55! You think a man just forgets a thing 
like that?" 


Lord Blackwood rolled his eyes. "Not this rot again. | thought we 
settled this after that business in Patagonia." 


SCP-773: Voodoo Dartboard 


Item #: SCP-773 
Object Class: Safe 


Special Containment Procedures: SCP-773 requires no special 
containment procedures at this time, and is to be held at Site- in 
secure storage until further notice. 


Description: SCP-773 is a standard English style dartboard with a 
diameter of 451 mm. It is divided into the standard twenty segments 
and an inner and outer bulls eye ring, along with the standard 
double and triple bands. SCP-773 was acquired by Agent from 
a Mr. of Gloucester, England residence, after an anomalous 
police report came to the attention of the Foundation. Mr. was 
found dead in his home, with several ruptured blood vessels, and a 
heart attack which proved fatal. Police were unable to identify any 
cause of death. 


After investigation into the death by Agent , it was discovered 
that the dartboard in his study had been acquired from the 
organization known as Marshall, Carter, and Dark Ltd recently, after 
wiring a large sum of money to the organization three weeks prior. 
Upon recovery of the object a set of instructions were recovered 
from a panel in the rear of the board, which also contained a set of 
diamond tipped darts with a space to insert small strips of paper. 
The instructions were handwritten and signed a Mister 


According to the instructions, when a dart is thrown onto the board, 
from a distance of at least three meters, and the name of a person is 
written upon the dart, it will cause harmful injury to that person, 
depending on where the dart impacts the board. The higher the 
number on the board, the more severe the injury, ranging from a 
simple sprain of the elbow, to as severe as a complete rupture of the 
aorta. The instructions explicitly state that the person must be 
written clearly on the dart, and that the rules are observed, or the 


"And yet, ‘ere we are," Harris said. "Ow many times ‘ave | gotten 
meself turned inside-out because you were too busy 'ogging the 
glory to save your old pal from Godolphin 'ouse?" 


"I'll tell you the same thing | told you then - you brought all of that 
upon yourself when you decided to try and smuggle the Crown of 
Sutekh up the Nile." 


"You're a pint o' bitter if | ever seen one." Harris spat on the ground. 
"And where were you when 'alf the mummies west of the Nile were 
after me? 'Alfway back to London to kiss the Queen's knickers?" 


"| was in Alexandria helping the Patriarch, the Coptic Pope, and the 
Grand Mufti arrange the biggest exorcism conducted in Egypt since 
the fall of the Abbasids!" Lord Blackwood responded, the impatience 
in his voice mounting. "Were it not for what we pulled off, Africa itself 
would have been lost to the British Empire because of your foolish 
attempt at larceny."