"You win! | see what the old duff sees in you now. I've nothing else 
to say. Run along now, child!" 


“Mother of God.” 


"Ah! | heard about you, DJANGO!” 


“Yes, yes, Lance the Dragon Trainer. Blah blah...” Bridge groaned. 
He looked around the penultimate room; huge statues of 
nondescript dragons adorned the walls, with brass torches hanging 
from the ceiling. As he took in the sight, an errant quote passed 
through his mind. 


...During this transformation process, SCP-826, along with the 
contained book, will relocate to another part of the book's 
setting, showing a preference for places where books are 

normally found (libraries, studies, etc)... 


“Preference. Preference implies that this isn’t a hard and fast rule, 


just the prevailing behavioural trend that a creative object will show 
in a particular situation during testing.” Bridge murmured to himself; 
in a moment he caught a glimpse of silver-grey against the bronze 
walls behind Lance. The Bookends. 


“You know that dragons are mythical Pokémon! They’re hard to 
catch and raise, but their powers are superior! They’re virtually 
indestructible! Well, are you ready to lose? Your League challenge 
ends with me, DJANGO!” 


The battle began. 


ELITE FOUR LANCE sent out GYARADOS! 

Go! WELKER! 

Enemy GYARADOS’s INTIMIDATE cut WELKER’s ATTACK! 
WELKER’s INTIMIDATE cut enemy GYARADOS’s AT TACK! 
Enemy GYARADOS used HYPER BEAM! 

The attack missed! 

WELKER used CRUNCH! Critical hit! 

Enemy GYARADOS used LEER! 

But it failed! 


It's super effective! Enemy GYARADOS fainted! 


The 939 crawled over Gyarados, each of the monsters somehow 
scaring the others with their terrifying jaws. A rogue Hyper Beam 
crashed through the ceiling as Welker crunched down on Gyara’s 
throat, delivering a bolt of lightning into the serpent; a stronger bolt 
followed shortly and the serpent fell. 


ELITE FOUR LANCE sent out DRAGONAIR and DRAGONAIR! 
Good job WELKER! Come back! Go! PAZUZU and SHERMAN! 
Enemy DRAGONAIR used DRAGON RAGE! Enemy DRAGONAIR 
used DRAGON RAGE! 

PAZUZU used BOUNCE! SHERMAN used RAZOR LEAF! Critical 
hit! 

Enemy DRAGONAIR used AGILITY! Enemy DRAGONAIR used 
AGILITY! 

PAZUZU used BOUNCE! Critical hit! SHERMAN used LEAF 


Enemy DRAGONAIR used SLAM! Enemy DRAGONAIR used 


SLAM! 

PAZUZU used X-SCISSOR! SHERMAN used FRENZY PLANT! 
Critical hit! 

Enemy DRAGONAIR fainted! Enemy DRAGONAIR fainted! 


The twin Dragonairs slithered out of the light, spitting blazing blue 
fire. Welker vanished, replaced by Pazuzu the horrid, twitching, 
choking corpse-spider-monster and Sherman the giant pile of sticks. 
Immediately, the marionette leapt out of the way and clung to the 
ceiling, and the Sherman cried out, shooting razor-sharp foliage in 
every direction. The Dragonairs, badly cut, slithered in unison, 
moving quicker and quicker into a pair of silvery blurs... until Pazuzu 
impaled both into the floor and Sherman ran them over like a 
runaway cyclone of conifers. In one last ditch effort, the serpents 
slammed their tails in unison against the spider and stack, before 
being diced and smashed to soup. 


ELITE FOUR LANCE sent out AERODACT YL! 

Good work, PAZUZU and SHERMAN! Go! LAZERBEAK! 
Enemy AERODACTYL used BITE! It’s not very effective... 
LAZERBEAK used STEEL WINGT it’s super effective! 
Enemy AERODACTYL fainted! 


The stone dino-ptero-dragon clashed with the bronze and steel 
hawk, biting down. Ouch. The hawk flapped its wings and cut 
Aerodactyl’s head right off. What a let down. 


ELITE FOUR LANCE sent out DRAGONITE! 

Good work, LAZERBEAK! Go! BOB! 

Enemy DRAGONITE used HYPER BEAM! Critical hit! 
BOB used ACID ARMOR! 

Enemy DRAGONITE must recharge! 

BOB used GIGA IMPACT! 

Enemy DRAGONITE fainted! 


A blazing, incredible blast of energy scoured the scene, cutting a 
trench across the floor - the snail didn’t even notice. Instead, it 
busied itself with... sweating. The Dragonite fell to one knee, taking 
a breath, exhausted by its effort... until it was messily decapitated by 
the snail launching itself like a cannonball across the field, its whole 
weight and caustic slime liquefying the dragon’s skull, Lance’s skull, 


and burning a hole through the door beyond. 


Agent Dodridge sat there, expressionless, staring at the screen for 
several seconds. With an annoyed grunt he suddenly stood up and 
flipped the table. 


“I’m going to go bang my hot wife. Debrief this loser. Smell ya later.” 
he called to Lament. 


“Hey, don’t get angry. It’s not his fault Charizard’s not a real dragon.” 


Dodridge turned and walked out, fists clenched. He never swept 
Lance like that. He always spent fifteen or twenty Max Revives on 
his team. It’s not fair. It’s not fair. 


Dr Bridge looked down at the Bookends. Between them sat a copy 
of a Pokémon Red Version game kart, and the Official Pokémon 
Red/Blue Strategy Guide. The mission says take it and leave... but 
he’s so close to being the very best there ever was... 


Welker pried the final doors open, and Bridge stepped inside. This 
room was much bigger on the inside, opening to the night sky; an 
actual stadium, a coliseum, stood before him, with one single figure 
under the lights. 


"Hey! | was looking forward to seeing you, DJANGO! My rival should 
be strong to keep me sharp!” 


Quietly, Bridge considered what the fastest route to victory would 
be. 


“...DJANGO! Do you know what that means? I'll tell you! | am the 
most powerful Trainer in the world!" 


“Nope.” 


Agent Lament got comfortable, turned up the volume on the monitor, 
and cracked open a Coke. This was going to be good. 


Go! LAZERBEAK! 

Enemy PIDGEOT used WING ATTACK! it’s not very effective... 
LAZERBEAK used STEEL WING! 

Enemy PIDGEOT used WING ATTACK! it’s not very effective... 
LAZERBEAK used STEEL WING! 

Enemy PIDGEOT fainted! 


The birds circled each other, dive-smashing each other with their 
wings; Lazerbeak landed one right in Pidgeot’s face, shattering its 
beak and throwing it into the wall. 


That’s enough, come back LAZERBEAK! Go! PAZUZU! 
PAZUZU used SUCKER PUNCHI It’s super effective! 
Enemy ALAKAZAM fainted! 


Pazuzu rushed the Alakazam as it readied a Psychic attack, running 
it through with three spear-legs and cutting it apart. 


CHAMPION GARY sent out RHYDON! 

Return, PAZUZU! Go! SHERMAN! 

Enemy RHYDON used HORN DRILL! 

But it failed... 

SHERMAN used FRENZY PLANT! it’s Super effective! 
Enemy RHYDON fainted! 


Rhydon charged forward, spinning death-horn shearing through 
Sherman to no avail. The sticks scattered for a brief moment, thrown 
by the horn’s inertia; they rushed together and smooshed the 
dinobeast underneath the whole one-tonne heap. 


CHAMPION GARY sent out GYARADOS! 

SHERMAN must recharge! 

Enemy GYARADOS used HYDRO PUMPT It’s not very effective... 
SHERMAN, that’s enough, come back! Go! BOB! 

BOB used GIGA IMPACT! 

Enemy GYARADOS fainted! 


The sticks struggled to roll back together as the fucknormous sea 
serpent flooded the field with an incredible torrent of water. 


Swearing under his breath, Bridge called Sherman back to its ball 
and threw Bob into the water, waiting a moment for it to wake up 
and crash into through Gyarados’ mouth entire body. 


CHAMPION GARY sent out EXEGGCUTOR! 

BOB must recharge! 

Enemy EXEGGCUTOR used STOMP! 

Return, BOB! Go! JOHNNY! 

JOHNNY used INFERNO! It’s super effective! 

Enemy EXEGGCUTOR fainted! 

Bob lodged itself into the ground, leaving itself open for Exeggcutor 
to stomp it ineffectually. The tree checked its foot, assuming the 


snail was dead, before being completely, instantly incinerated by 
Johnny’s pure raging hunger. 


Enemy CHARIZARD used FIRE BLAST! WELKER was burned! 
WELKER used THUNDER FANG! It’s super effective! WELKER 
was hurt by its burn! 

WELKER used CRUNCH! 

Enemy CHARIZARD fainted! 


The Charizard and 939 stared each other down, the dragon 
shuddering upon its remembrance of their first battle. Welker began 
to sing nursery rhymes as Charizard froze in brief terror. A shudder 
turned to a growl, and recoil turned to rage; Gary’s starter launched 
a huge five-pointed star of fire at Welker, crashing the red beast like 
a truck. 


On fire, the Welker leapt at the dragon, crunching down with a 
mouth full of lightning. Charizard returned with a slash, hewing a 
side of flesh right off Welker; the burning demon returned with a 
predatory bite to crush the skull. Charizard fell. 


"NO! That can't be! You beat my best-” 


Bridge returned Welker and turned to leave, snatching up 826 


before the ingame script made him hit the “The End” screen. 


Dr Bridge stepped out of the doorway, holding a belt of SCPokéballs 
and the Bookends. Two Agents rushed in, one throwing the belt into 
a high-security storage container and the other carefully placing the 
Bookends on a cart. Agent Lament stood off to one side, waiting for 
him. 


“Excellent work, Doctor.” Agent Lament shook his hand. “You did 
very well.” 


“Thank you, Lament. How were the nicknames?” 

“Great.” 

“Am | gonna turn into a spider monster?” 

“Nope!” 

They high-fived. 

Later that night, Bridge sat back in his office, relaxing. Listening. 
Glancing at local security feeds on his desktop. 

He quietly reached into his pocket, and placed a small, spherical 
object on his desk. Pressing a button, it grew to the size of an 


orange. 


For you see... He did, indeed, have a hacked team. But nobody said 
he couldn’t have a starter too. 


Hephaestus 


"He wants to do the prayer," Antigonus complained. "Where in Pluto 
is there place for prayer here?" 


Porphyrios of Alexandria sighed. Antigonus was never going to get 
off of the subject of natural philosophy and revealed theology, and 
specifically how the two should never be in the same room together. 
"Look, he has seniority over us. He's a little old fashioned, but it's not 
as though he's demanding we slaughter a goat next to the 
counterform reactor. He wants a short invocation, and the supervisor 
is willing to allow it, so you should simply get used to it." 


"But...| really fail to see the connection between Hephaestus and 
interplanar transition," Antigonus said. "Hermes, maybe, but the 
volcano god?" 


"Tradition dictates, young man," Methodius of Novoromae said as 
he entered the room, "that Hephaestus is to be invoked before the 
successful use of advanced technology. A prayer to Hermes would 
make us little more than postmen with the tools of the Gods. 
Hephaestus, however, is a God of leaders of men. And if we 
succeed in today's quest, if we are able to open a stable porthole 
between our world and the alien universe adjoining ours, leaders of 
men is exactly what we may become. Alexandria, the Alexylva 
campus, this very room will become the center of a new world. A 
world that we shall control. 


"Now, are you read to begrudge the gods their due?" The gray- 
haired elder philosopher glared at his younger counterpart. 


Antigonus swallowed. "No, sir. Please, proceed with the invocation." 


"Thank you for your permission. Now bow your heads," Methodius 
replied dryly. "High Lord Hephaestus of Mountains, we children of 
the forests beseech your aid. We beg your aid in today's endeavors, 
which may bring us many steps closer to bringing your words and 


holy fire to the sorrowful masses of the alien world. Milephanus 
delenda est, and we thank you for your time." 


"Well spoken, sir," Porphyrios said. Antigonus glared at the 
brownnoser. 


"Let us proceed. Antigonus, please activate the counterform reactor. 
Porphyrios, input your calculations into the director assembly. | will 
take the transplanar controls." 


The three men went to their stations. Within minutes, the 
counterform and properform mass reaction was active and stable in 
the reaction chamber, providing power for what was to come. 
Antigonus said "Power at maximum. Porphyrios, are you ready?" 


"Calculator assembly ready, coordinates set. Transferring controls to 
transplanar station." 


Methodius sighed. "Very well. Gentlemen, prepare to put Alexylva 
University in the history books. Activating transplanar matrix." 


"What, may | ask, just happened?" Methodius said through clenched 
teeth. 


"Well, sir, if | were to guess, that is, if | were to simply...describe the 
events of the past ninety seconds," Porphyrios stammered, "I would 
have to say that..." 


"Would it not be safe to say," Methodius growled, "that NOTHING 
WHATSOEVER happened, young pest?" 


"Not quite, sir, though | can understand the, erm, confusion. We did, 
in fact, open a porthole between two universes. And one of them 
was the alien world." 


"What was the other one, little worm?" 


"We...well, we can't really...um, know. We can't know at all. Nor can 
we know how long this will last." 


The room grew silent. "| said we should have invoked Hermes," 


real sky ... | think he must have been exhausted, a man 
his age.... He saw the clouds and just smiled and 
stopped holding on for a second and just fell. Nothing we 
could do. We heard the pilot telling us through the PA 
that we could close the door now, and to take a seat and 
put on the oxygen masks until we landed... 


Antigonus muttered. 


The moon was barely visible through the clouds as 3rd Platoon, 
Mobile Task Force Delta-5 swarmed through the forest. 


"Move! Move!" Lieutenant Samson shouted. He loved abandoned 
areas. He hated being quiet. "Let's go, let's go! We gotta find this 
before someone else does!" 


The rest of the task force groaned. Two hours in the woods was bad 
enough when you knew what you were looking for. Getting 
instructions that amounted to go find a needle in a barn full of 
haystacks was worse. Samson didn't know more than the rest of 
them; he tried to act as though the orders were just classified, but 
his men knew when their commander was bluffing. They were 
looking for "an unspecific quantum phenomenon" emanating from a 
forest in West Tennessee, whatever that meant. But there were 
some clues. 


Samson raised his hand to order silence. He heard rustling 
somewhere up ahead, over the next hill. Sounds of people beating 
their way through the woods, along with shouting in what sounded 
like...a British accent? He waved two of his scouts forward to 
evaluate. They rushed forward, examined the scene, and called the 
rest of the troops ahead. 


The task force swarmed to the top of the hill to see what was 
happening. A softly glowing aperture floated a few feet above the 
ground. Seeing this, Samson knew they had found what they came 
for. But what was the shouting? 


More talking. Samson raised his hand to order silence again before 
realizing that the sound was coming from ahead. He squinted to 
block out the light from the portal to see where the voices were 
coming from... 


"What happened next, Lieutenant?" Major Brooks asked. The 
commander of MTF Delta-5 couldn't have phrased the question in a 
more threatening way. 


"Sir, we were sent in with the understanding that it would not be 
unlikely that other Groups of Interest would attempt to secure 
the...'quantum phenomenon’ for themselves," Samson replied. "So 
when | saw multiple individuals in what appeared to be black 
uniforms, | presumed them to be hostiles." 


"Did you call for backup? What were your orders?" 


"Well, there were about as many of them as us, but | didn't see any 
weapons, so | ordered an advance. | told the hostiles to put their 
hands up." 


"What happened next?" 


"I'm not entirely sure, sir. They opened fire on us with concealed 
weapons they had been holding while shouting at us. The 
shouting...it vaguely resembled Latin, but | didn't recognize what 
they were saying." 


"That matches what we know of University protocol. What else?"