Special Containment Procedures: Containment procedure 64- 
Delta-Romeo (standard containment for anomalous structures, mid- 
urban) is followed for SCP-2733-01. Two implanted agents are to 
remain inresidence in , OK to keep civilians away from 
SCP-2733-01. Attempts to remove SCP-2733 have been 
unsuccessful, therefore the room containing SCP-2733 is to be 
secured by Foundation agents and locked with both keypad and 
retinal scan. 


Description: SCP-2733 is a body storage cabinet in an abandoned 
building (SCP-2733-01) that served as a funeral home/morgue on 
the outskirts of —§ , OK. SCP-2733-01 was abandoned after the 
business owning it, Restful Meadows Funeral Home and Crematory, 
went out of business c. 1976. The building has remained 
uninhabited for the past years. SCP-2733's anomalous properties 
were discovered after the ghost-hunting show [REDACTED] began 
to scout the area for a new filming location; an implanted agent 
discovered SCP-2733 and reported it to Foundation personnel. 


SCP-2733's primary effect manifests when a human being opens 
one of the cabinet doors while thinking of another either living or 
dead sentient creature. Upon opening SCP-2733, the subject will 
find the head of the creature they were thinking of. Creatures are 
alive and able to communicate until either the cabinet they are in is 
closed or another cabinet is opened and a second head is 
summoned, at which point the initial head vanishes. Attempts to 
track these heads have been futile. 


Test Subject Creature Thought ¢ Resuit 


D-8452 


D-8452 


D-8452 


Dr. Theodora Wu 


D-8452 


Instructed to think of}a The head of a Jack 


dog 


Russell terrier 
manifests. Dog is 
panting and appears 
in good spirits. 
Cabinet closed without 
incident. 


Instructed to think ofa The head of D-8452's 


human 


uncle, ; 
manifests. Head is 
communicative and 
healthy. Cabinet 
closed without 
incident. 


Instructed to think ofja The head of English 


famous person 


"My Mom" 


playwright William 
Shakespeare 
manifests. Head 
appears as historians 
have speculated he 
would have looked at 
his death at age 52. 
Head is 
communicative and 
healthy, if distraught. 
Cabinet closed without 
incident. 
Unsanctioned test by 
Dr. Wu. The head of 
her mother, Min Wu, 
manifests. Head is 
intact and, after 
momentary confusion, 
is friendly and 
pleasant. She and Dr. 
Wu have a brief 
conversation in 


Cantonese. 


Instructed to think ofa The head of a Collie 


deceased dog 


manifests. Dog is 


conversation with subject, giving no fabricated answers or 
statements inappropriate to actual conversation. 


Dr. ’s note: 

Couldn't stay away, but | at least have a decent reason for coming 
back. This proves that the discs are not scripted conversations of 
future origin derived from our records. It's not a huge breakthrough, 
but God, am | glad to finally have disproved something. 


« SCP-314 | SCP-315 | SCP-316 » 


identified as D-8452's 
childhood pet. Dog is 
barking and appears 
in good spirits. D-8452 
instructed to remove 
head from shelf. As 
soon as the head is no 
longer touching the 
shelf, its neck expels 
approx. .5L of blood 
and the head begins 
to decompose ata 


normal rate. 
Dr. Peter Anselman | Instructed to think of} D-8452 is sedated and 
D-8452 placed beside 


SCP-2733. Upon 
opening SCP-2733, 
D-8452's head 
disappears from its 
neck and manifests 
within SCP-2733. 
D-8452's body expels 
approx. 2L of blood 
and collapses. 
D-8452's head 
appears sedated as 
before, but alive. 
Closing SCP-2733 
does not result in 
D-8452's head 
remanifesting on its 
neck. Dr. Wu 
becomes distressed 
and is sedated. 


Addendum 2733-01: 

Further investigation has indicated that Restful Meadows Funeral 
Home and Crematory was purchased by [REDACTED]! with intent 
to demolish. Attempts to locate Joseph Wright (the previous owner 
of SCP-2733-01) and the body of have been 


unsuccessful. 


Footnotes 


1. The nation's largest owner of funeral service locations and 
cemeteries. 


« SCP-2732 | SCP-2733 | SCP-2734 » 


SCP-2734: Exodus of the Clowns 


Item #: SCP-2734 
Object Class: Neutralized Euclid 


Special Containment Procedures: All containment cells previously 
containing instances of SCP-2734 are to be examined for structural 
weaknesses. All personnel aware of or involved with the 
containment of SCP-2734 are to be investigated in regards to the 
events detailed in Addendum 2734-3. A full report of the 
investigations’ findings will be provided to O5-9. 


Former habitats of SCP-2734 are to receive light satellite scans 
once a month. Any signs of SCP-2734 resurgence must be reported 
to O5-9. 


+ Show Previous Containment Procedures 


All populations of SCP-2734 in the wild are to be 
constantly monitored via satellite. SCP-2734 populations 
must also receive regular surveillance from airborne 
drones. Foundation agents embedded in human 
populations close to SCP-2734 must keep watch for 
signs of SCP-2734 intrusion in human dwellings. Should 
instances of SCP-2734 approach or endanger human 
populations, Mobile Task Force Zeta-5 (“Shoo Out the 
Clowns”) are to be sent in to drive them back into 
unpopulated areas. Under no circumstances is lethal 
force to be used on SCP-2734 unless absolutely 
necessary. 


Due to a partial information leak about SCP-2734, 
standard Disinformation Protocols must be applied. 
Falsified images, videos and stories about SCP-2734 
must be spread online and through the wider media. 
Foundation-manufactured media must be obviously 


falsified to call doubt to SCP-2734’s existence. 
Aforementioned media must also portray SCP-2734 as 
uniformly malicious, in order to discourage those who 
believe in SCP-2734’s existence from seeking them out. 


All instances of SCP-2734 contained in Foundation 
facilities must be held in standard humanoid containment 
cells. Additional privileges may be awarded for 
cooperation. 


Description: SCP-2734 is a species of humanoid superficially 
resembling American culture's conception of a clown. Since January 
2016, populations of SCP-2734 have sprung up all over the world, 
necessitating a global misinformation campaign. The majority of 
SCP-2734 sightings have taken place in the mainland USA and 
Canada. However, populations of SCP-2734 have been found in 
Western Europe, Australia, Central America and [DATA 
EXPUNGED]. 


Populations of SCP-2734 generally live as far away from human 
habitations as possible. SCP-2734 populations can comfortably exist 
in a wide variety of natural environments despite having little to no 
personal possessions aside from clothing. Despite urban legends, 
SCP-2734 is determined to avoid being seen, photographed or 
caught on video. The majority of images circulating through the 
media claiming to be SCP-2734 are in fact independent hoaxes or 
part of the Foundations' misinformation campaign. 


In addition to resembling the Western ideal of a clown, members of 
SCP-2734 possess the following differences from Homo sapiens: 


« the ability to subsist on approximately 200 calories a day. 

* the ability to gain sustenance from nearly any organic matter. 
SCP-2734 instances have been shown to comfortably subsist 
on grass, leaves, flowers, roots, bark, tree sap, mushrooms, 
ferns, insects, and food waste from human garbage. 
SCP-2734 instances universally avoid consuming animal 
meat, although this is considered to be a cultural trait rather 
than a physical limitation. In times of scarcity, SCP-2734 
instances have been known to eat small animals such as birds 
and rats; however, this appears to bring them a substantial 


amount of guilt. 

flatter, stronger teeth; believed to assist with an herbivorous 
diet. 

the ability to comfortably exist in nearly any climate. 
SCP-2734 has never shown any sign of being affected by 
climate-related maladies (e.g. hypothermia, heatstroke). 
Populations of SCP-2734 have been found in areas with 
temperatures above 45 °C and below -18 °C with no effect. 
faster running speed. The average fully grown member of 
SCP-2734 can run at approximately 22 km/h. This ability is 
used primarily in evasion. 


Outreach to SCP-2734 communities has been extremely difficult. 
SCP-2734 is determined to keep itself hidden; the first attempts at 
outreach have been met with great distrust and outright terror. Often 
a community of SCP-2734 will uproot itself and travel hundreds of 
kilometres after an attempt at communication from the Foundation. 
Eventually the Foundation was able to persuade one community to 
willingly hand over two members, (SCP-2734-1 and SCP-2734-2) 
into Foundation custody for purposes of mutual understanding. The 
Foundation has agreed to keep SCP-2734-1 and 2 in its care for 
only as long as they are comfortable, and to return them as soon as 
they request to do so. 


+ Addendum 2734-1 


The following are excerpts from a journal kept by 
SCP-2734-1. These excepts were not voluntarily given, 
rather they were surreptitiously copied from his journal 
while he was being allowed out of his cell. SCP-2734-1 
may have suspected these activities as he ceased 
updating the journal shortly after the Foundation began 
taking excerpts. 


| hate this place. A clown’s place is out in the 
arms of our Mother Earth, beneath every star 
in heaven. Here | get a concrete ceiling. 
They've painted it a nice soft yellow colour, but 
it’s still a concrete ceiling. You can’t replace 
the stars with concrete. 


They always make sure to smile when they 
come to talk to me. I’ve never seen humans 
smile before. It’s creepy. | don’t like it. 


One of the humans tried to interview me today. 
He looked just like HIM. That camp director. 
The one | left behind on my world. | went into 
hysterics. It took fifteen minutes for me just to 
stop sobbing. 


The corridors and layout of [Site-716] look 
exactly like the Clown Processing Plants back 
home. But the staff, uniforms, and insignias 
are all different. | haven’t seen much of this 
place, but | don’t think it’s as big as a Clown 
Processing Plant. I’m not sure there’s any 
building on this planet that big. But I'll keep my 
eyes open, just in case. 


Why is this world so different and yet so 
familiar? Same air. Same trees. Plenty of 
humans. But no clowns. Not anywhere. Just 
humans in whiteface. 


Why are there no clowns? Did they never exist 
here? If they never existed, why do humans 
dress like them? Did the humans wipe them 
out? Were they forced to flee the planet like 
we were? 


Did these people have anything to do with it? 


| asked one of the staff members if | could give 
a performance to the staff. She said she’d 
pass a message to the Site Director, but they’d 
have to think about it. I’m so bored I'm actually 
considering performing for HUMANS. 


| keep thinking back to my mother. I'm doing it 
more and more, as I’m slowly becoming 
convinced that they'll never let us out of this 


place. She’s the whole reason | agreed to be 
their “guest”. 


“Promise me you'll go with them”, she said. “If 
they come looking for us, at least you'll be 
safe”. 


“Mother,” | said. “If they can find us in another 
plane of existence | doubt I’ll be safe in an 
underground bunker or whatever they have in 
store.” 


She didn’t say anything. | just heard her sharp 
intake of breath as her nails dug deeper into 
my arms. | agreed because | never wanted to 
see her so scared again. 


+ Addendum 2734-2 


The following text was written on a piece of stationary 
found crumpled up in a wastebasket inside 
SCP-2734-2's cell. It is believed that he may been trying 
to communicate with the Foundation through writing, 
being too distressed to discuss his background in 
person. 


They made me mop the floors. The humans. 
They made me work sixteen hours a day. No 
breaks. | didn't complain. | didn't want to think 
about what they'd do to me if | complain. | 
might have be sent to [illegible] 


| had not seen my family and friends in 
months. | also didn't want to think about where 
they were. | still don't. | tell myself they are 
okay. | keep mopping the floors. | don't 
complain. 


| am not sure they need me to mop the floors. 
Don't they have drones for that? | don't know 
much about humans, except for how they cage 


us. Why do they make me mop the floors? | 
don't ask. | don't complain. 


One day they make us lift barrels into a truck. 
Why don't they use a [illegible]? | don't ask. | 
just lift the barrels. Me and Gorn. The last few 
clowns left. The barrels were heavy. My back 
was aching so badly. But we loaded the 
barrels best we can. One of the last barrels, | 
slip. The barrel slips from my hands and falls 
on the ground. It makes a loud sound as it hits 
the ground, louder than it should have. The lid 
flew off. Litres and litres of green liquid pour 
out. Liquid and something else. Stench hits me 
hard. | feel like | am going to vomit. There is 
the green liquid, and also hundreds of tiny red 
balls. | recognize the green fluid. Some kind of 
preservative. It takes longer to recognize the 
red balls. | jumped down and picked one up. 
Then it hit me. 


They were clown noses. 


Hundred of clown noses. Sliced clean off our 
faces. When | turned it over, | could see the 
rotting meat inside. | looked behind me. | could 
see thirty other barrels in the truck. 


The rest of the document is scribbled out. 
+ Addendum 2734-3 


At approximately 7:00 am, on January 5th 2017, both 
SCP-2734-1 and SCP-2734-2 were found to be missing 
from their cells. No signs of how the disappearance 
occurred has been found, despite both cells being under 
24 hour surveillance and a forensic examination being 
made of their cells. At the same time, all populations of 
SCP-2734 around the world spontaneously vanished 
from Foundation surveillance. Investigations are 
underway, but as of March 1st 2017, SCP-2734 is 


considered neutralized. 


« SCP-2733 | SCP-2734 | SCP-2735 » 


SCP-2735: Ancient Methanogens 


Item #: SCP-2735 
Object Class: Safe 


Special Containment Procedures: SCP-2735-1 and SCP-2735-3 
are to be kept in a transparent airtight glass container filled with 
fresh water, at least 10 meters cubed, reinforced with steel bars. 
The water in this container should be continuously aerated with a 
mixture of hydrogen gas and carbon dioxide. 25% of this water 
should be drained and replaced weekly. Cultures of anaerobic 
autotrophic bacteria and archaea are maintained within this 
container! for the purpose of feeding SCP-2735-1 and SCP-2735-3. 
If this container is damaged, SCP-2735-1 and SCP-2735-3 are to be 
relocated to a secondary container of the same design. 


SCP-2735-4 is to be kept in a separate container, designed to the 
same specifications aside from being smaller, measuring at least 3 
meters cubed and lined with foam padding. SCP-2735-4 is to be 
kept isolated from SCP-2735-1 and SCP-2735-3 at all times. A 
waterproof closed-circuit camera is placed within the container. A 
lamp is to be mounted to the top of the container to aid in 
sustenance for SCP-2735-4. SCP-2735-4 may be relocated to 
SCP-2735-1 and SCP-2735-3's secondary container if its primary 
container is damaged, but SCP-2735-4 should not be within it at the 
same time as SCP-2735-1 or SCP-2735-3. 


Containment of extraterrestrial satellites related to SCP-2735 has 
been delegated to Project Heimdall operations. Various space 
observatories have been co-opted by the Foundation to determine 
the location of possible SCP-2735 artifacts in solar orbit. In the event 
of an SCP-2735 artifact being discovered, a standard Foundation 
retrieval team will be sent into orbit to recover the object(s). Under 
the unlikely circumstances that there is a surviving SCP-2735 
instance onboard an object, that object is to be transferred into an 
orbit around earth and de-orbited, so the surviving instance can be 


Document 315-a 


Interview logs