unusually terrible bad luck (among other things, they owned several 
thousand dollars worth of shares in Enron, were struck by lightning 
five times, and lost a finger when their cell phone batteries 
exploded), two were middle managers, and one had served as an 
O5 for over fifty years. What this means is still hotly debated, and 
more research must be done. 


Since Hume concentration determines the ability to manipulate 
reality but not the individual states of objects within the area, 
then SRA's can't actually negate anomalies, right? As in, they 
can prevent reality benders from making further changes, but 
they can't actually negate existing anomalies that do not 
actively require low hume settings or changes in said settings. 
-Researcher T. 


Right. SRAs can only fix the ambient Hume level in its area of effect. 
Most anomalies cataloged so far are not exerting Hume influence on 
the surrounding area, or indeed demonstrating Hume variance at all, 
and so SRAs cannot be used as a one-size-fits-all negation device. 


First, what is the relationship (if any) between Humes and 
Thaumatological processes (as outlined in those seminar 
transcripts we got from the GOC)? Can said possesses interact 
with Humes? And finally, does the "Type Green" designation 
that the Coalition's headgear gives to reality benders have 
anything to do with their higher hume content? 

-Dr. Sh 


As of this time, research into (obviously inferior!) GOC reality-cum- 
bender meterology has not yet been implemented. If one's musings 
are inclined towards such topics, it might prove a fruitful field of 
further figurations. As for type greens...well, despite the (obviously 
inferior!) terminology, they are effectively reality benders; as such, 
all previous musings on the topic can be applied with little to no 
problems. 


Are Humes composed of matter? And if so, do they have 
mass? What state of matter are Humes? 
Dr. -Ws 


As far as we can tell, individual Humes are both massless and 


infinitely massed. 


This is not correct. Humes are not a particle; they area 
measurement. See below. 


Wait, | thought Humes were how reality stability was measured 
(like degrees and temperature), but now you're telling me 
they're particles? 

-Dr. Sh 


You are correct; Humes are a measure of reality, not a particle. The 
previous answer was in error. See above. 


I'm curious how these two concepts would interact, and indeed 
whether they are even reconcilable or whether, like some other 
pairs of theories (I forget which, relativity and quantum 
mechanics maybe?), they could both be accurate 
representations of the universe and yet contradict each other: 
the concept of Hume levels that can be measured on a linear 
scale, and the concept that the universes within the multiverse 
are layered on top of one another, with any universes "below" 
another one constituting what that universe considers "fiction". 
(Though if you look into the premises behind Operation 
OverMeta, they clearly aren't arranged in a neat stack, but 
more like a fractallizing, spiral web.) So: 


Q1: As you go down the stack from most real to most fiction- 
within-a-fictional, would you see a trend in natural Hume levels 
declining as the realities get less and less real? 


Q2: Do humans created via SCP-1304 exhibit abnormal Hume 
readings? Could a character use a device similar to an SRA to 
pump themselves full of an insane number of Humes and jump 
to a higher layer, effectively becoming an author-god to their 
home universe, but feeling no more powerful because the 
universe they can now rule just by rewriting it is nothing but a 
fiction to them? 


What if a real person tried that? 


Rambling1: Or could it be the other way around? Perhaps 


"fictional" universes and the "real" universe existed 
independently of each other from the start, but those we see as 
"fiction" are able to bleed into the minds of our world's authors 
because they're even more real than ours? That would certainly 
make SCP-1304 make more sense. 


Rambling2: The potential discrepancy between the theories of 
linear Hume measurements and layered realities arises when 
you connect them in reference to universes that aren't stacked, 
but rather tangled up like a web, as | mentioned earlier. For 
example, what if | wrote a story about three men, Abel, Brian, 
and Chris, and said that each wrote a story, and that Brian was 
a character within Abel's story, and Chris a character in Brian's 
story (therefore his reality is, to Abel, a story-within-a-story), 
and yet Abel is a character within Chris’ story. How can the 
three have Hume levels corresponding to their relative levels of 
reality when each one is simultaneously above and below the 
other two? Or would they end up all having the same Hume 
levels? Would the Hume levels be thrown into turbulence by 
the three realities competing for influence over each other due 
to their circularly-referential natures? 


Could that be the source of the anomalous fluctuations in the 
real world? 
-Mister J 


Humes have as much relation to metafiction as fish do to...not-fish? 
Humes only serve to describe individual realities, and cannot be 
used to compare separate realities due to their inherently subjective 
nature. Thus, there is no contradiction between metafiction and 
Humes; however, Humes also cannot be used to make any 
observations or assumptions about metafictional constructs. 


Q: East Asian thaumatologists such as Taoists or Shugenjas 
prefers to live in the high mountains. Isn't it contradictory to 
your explanation? 

- Dr. Relpek from Korea 


A: While high Hume concentrations make reality bending more 
difficult, they do not make it impossible. In this case, reality benders 
who live and train in high-Hume areas got the equivalent of strength 


anomalous attributes. 


Victims of SCP-783 attack exhibit gross deformations in their body 
structure as the result of dozens of compound fractures along their 
long bones and severely displaced vertebrae. These are healed via 
the rapid generation of excessive cartilage and osseous tissue. 
Victims display hyperelasticity of their epidermis and musculature to 
accommodate the extra tissue, with one subject's forearm extending 
over 2.4 meters, and another having a recorded height of 12.5 
meters. 


The end result of this malformation and elongation are subjects who 
visually present as being wholly serrated or gnarled. 


Despite the nature of these injuries, most victims are alive after the 
cessation of an SCP-783 attack, though they often suffer full-body 
paralysis or remain in a persistent vegetative state. Twenty-seven 
living specimens have been acquired and placed on life support - 
they are held in a wing of the local hospital requisitioned for 
Foundation use. 


The residents of Temby are aware of the existence of SCP-783, 
though speaking of it publicly is considered taboo. Researchers 
have documented a playground song shared among local youths 
regarding the anomaly: 


There lived a crooked man, who made a crooked deal 
He kept a crooked cane, and his catch in crooked creel 
He stole a crooked child, who cried a crooked squeal 
And that crooked little man was broken on the wheel 
Observation: 
(Incident Log Appended) 
A month prior to SCP-783's current period of activity, D-209 was 


selected from a group of volunteers to live in a Foundation-owned 
property in Temby. Audio/Video recording equipment was installed 


training. This made mountains an attractive place to live for reality 
benders, as it provided a way for them to improve their skills. The 
practical 90th percentile limit is 6000 metres; however, even after 
this point, reality bending is possible, if prohibitively difficult. Only at 
a concentration of 100 Humes is reality bending completely 
impossible. 


Q: Then, why the Western thaumatologists didn't do that? 
- Dr. Relpek 


A: Most Western wizards were frauds, liars, or not reality benders. 
While some wizards may have went to mountain ranges such as the 
Alps for similar reasons, it never developed into a persistent 
tradition. 


Q: What does a 0 Hume universe look like? How about a 100 
Hume universe? 
-DrL 


There is no absolute Hume scale. This means that a global Hume 
level of 0 is just the Hume level of the pocket universe we've chosen 
to be 0. It is the differences between local Hume levels that is 
responsible for Hume-based phenomena. A universe that has been 
globally set to an arbitrary value (see below for more on this) will 
look like our own, only with a greater or lesser imbalance in localized 
or individual Hume levels (meaning more or less reality bending). 


Q: Hypothetically, if the foundation was able to somehow 
change the universe's Hume levels to 1 for every person, place 
and thing, would all anomalies cease to exist or at least stop 
being created? 

- An Intern 


No; as mentioned above, it is the differences between localized 
Hume levels that result in Hume-based phenomena. It has been 
hypothesized that there is some inherent feature to reality benders 
that causes them to create a Hume imbalance in their surroundings; 
without addressing this feature, a Hume imbalance will still exist. In 
theory, if EVERY part of the universe was fixed at 1 Hume forever 
then all anomalies that involve Humes would cease to be 
anomalous; however, we have no ability to even comprehend what 


would be necessary to fix all Hume readings at the same level, and 
we have not been able to establish that all anomalies are due solely 
to Hume-based effects. 


This is a good time to announce that, following extensive 
study, the global Hume scale has been renormalized to a scale 
of 0-100! To see this in action, please visit the original paper 
here. For historical reasons mentions of centiHumes on this 
page have not yet been changed; however, please multiply 
them by 100 to get the proper Hume levels. 


Q: I've seen above that an entity which hume level is below 
average lives a really spectacular life. Is SCP-503 one of these 
examples? Or is it an independent anomaly? 

-Dr Hal 


Unfortunately, we have not studied SCP-503, and cannot draw any 
conclusions either way. More research in this area is definitely 
needed. 


From: Dr. Bob Grahai To: Doctors James 
Caldmann and 
Carlos Rzewski 
Subject: | Regarding Hume 
~ sturbances 
Q: 


If Humes are 
altered in sucha 
way that they 
become 
distorted and 
malformed (if 
possible), can it 
alter reality? If 
so, will it create 
anomalies (be it 
in phenomena, 
physical objects 
and/or entities, 
memetic 


anomalies, 
cognitohazards, 
etc.), alter 
certain objects, 
directly respond 
to pre-existing 
Hume-altering 
anomalies, or 
just straight up 
end the world? 


Apologies for the 
rather long 
question, but | 
am doing some 
crucial research 
right now, and it 
would be 
appreciated if 
you could 
respond as soon 
as possible. 


In a word, no. Humes are just a measurement scale. What you're 
proposing is analogous to modifying a Kelvin and making 
temperature end the world or something. Humes aren't a particle; 
they're a unit. 


An Unconventional Tail 


Electro-swing had never appealed to Agent Quinn MacAllister, but 
it's what she and her partner were stuck listening to in the car— 
unlike Crowley and Aziraphale, tapes in their car didn't transmogrify 
into Best of Queen when left unattended. They turned into tapes by 
bands she had never heard of- Caravan Palace, Whitney, Goldfish. 
She swore that the music professor at Wright State had cursed their 
vehicle during that botched exorcism in the student union. 


Life in the UIU had never been glamorous— mostly paperwork and 
looking into alligators in the sewers— but this felt like a brand new 
low for her. Darnell- her partner- had easily seen worse, but even he 
was groaning at the prospect. 


"Let me get this straight," he grumbled, undoing the cap on a bottle 
of chilled coffee. "These people dress up in hot, sweaty mascot 
costumes, to hang around with people who dress up in equally hot 
and sweaty mascot costumes?" 


"And there are apparently enough of them to warrant multiple 
conventions, nationwide," Quinn affirmed. The tape had started its 
next track— /n the end, you're just a friend, we'll take it day by day— 
"But, | think it's mostly harmless." 


"So, why are we being called out here?" 


Quinn's fingers drummed the steering wheel as she passed a sign 
that said "Indiana— Five Miles". "Because the director thought that 
we did an inadequate job on the last assignment." 


"Not our fault that Ohio University has more ghosts than students," 
Darnell sipped at his drink. "Shit, we should be getting medals, not 
assignments to..." A look of near-sickness crossed his face. "I really 
don't want to say it." 


"Assignments to furry conventions,” Quinn rolled her eyes. "It's just a 


bunch of kids and nerds. Worst we're going to see is a guy who 
holds onto a Lion King dakimakuras a little tight—" 


"Dakiwhat," Darnell spat, nearly choking on his coffee. "What the 
fuck is that?" 


Quinn decided not to tell him, for two reasons: 1) to spare him from 
the horror, and 2) in order to see the reaction on his face when he 
did figure it out. 


"Mac, I'm fucking serious," Darnell insisted as they stopped at the 
toll booth on the way into Indiana. "What the fuck is a dakithing?" 


Quinn had to hold back a laugh as the chorus to the song came in. 


When they went into the hotel, a slightly muscular man wearing a 
pair of cat-ear shaped headphones and a casual set of clothes 
looked them up and down. "Can | see your badges?" 


Quinn raised a brow, and then her badge, before her partner did the 
same. "How did you know we were FBI?" 


"FB- oh." He looked crestfallen, waving his hands around. "No, no, 
see, people have badges for their furso— characters so we don't 
have to call each other by real names. | thought you were here for 
the convention." He gave a series of several awkward laughs. "Um, 
yeah, you guys are set up in the Richard Griffin Room, second 
floor." 


"Thanks," Darnell said, putting his badge away and starting to the 
elevator. "| thought you said that it was just kids here?" 


"| mean, people have to grow out of it. Why?" 


"That guy had a wedding band, and | think | saw some gray hairs." 
He massaged his wrist. "Remind me to ask if the drinks here are 
free for us." 


"Noted," Quinn said, pressing the button on the elevator. When it 
came to the ground floor, out stepped a large wolf, with dark black 
fur and deep, red eyes, looking at Quinn as if it was about to tear her 


throat out. 


Quinn recoiled, her heart going into her throat, skin going clammy. 
She went for her gun in a holster located under her jacket— but 
Darnell put a hand on her wrist. "What the fuck." 


"Quinn, calm down," Darnell grinned. "It's a costume." 


She got a second look at the wolf, and realized that the eyes were 
plastic and the tail was slightly dangling. The size of the limbs were 
the biggest giveaway— wolves had far thinner legs than this, and 
this thing looked big enough to hold a person. Following it out of the 
elevator were several others, all on two feet instead of four- a white 
cat with a star design over one eye, eyes red and purple; a blue wolf 
of some kind, cloth horns coming from his head; a fox with... 
noticeable assets, and a flirtatious look permanently plastered on 
her face. Quinn was transfixed on the wolf. "...how do you see out of 
that?" 


"Poorly," the wolf responded, before walking off with its friends 
elsewhere. 


Quinn jumped into the elevator and hammered the button for the 
second floor, her face gone white. Darnell joined her, a hand over 
his mouth as he tried not to laugh. "Shut. Up." 


"Jesus Christ, though!" Darnell laughed as the elevator began to go 
up. "Your face, Mac!" He laughed into his hand and leaned against 
the wall of the elevator.