Item #: SCP-897 
Object Class: Safe (formerly Euclid) 


Special Containment Procedures: SCP-897 is allowed full access 
to all Level 0 regions of the facility. It may not engage in any 
activities that have the potential to be physically harmful in any way 
(directly or indirectly), and is required to undergo a comprehensive 
medical exam daily. If SCP-897 is found to be at risk of any kind of 
organ failure, it is to be confined to a cell and provided with a D- 
class personnel in order to restore itself. 


Description: SCP-897 is an effectively immortal person of variable 
height, weight, and build, and indeterminate age, race, and gender. 
lt claims to be , an Estonian man on record as having 
died in a house fire in Reval (now Tallinn) in 19 , aged 70. If this 
were true, it would make SCP-897 years old. 


When one or more of SCP-897's vital organs is compromised 
(usually as a result of trauma or disease related injury, but 
sometimes as a result of age related wear and tear) said organ will 
spontaneously switch places with that of whichever human subject is 
in closest proximity to SCP-897 (provided they are in good health) 
via teleportation. This saves SCP-897's life, but at the expense of 
the subject (to whom the process is fatal in % of cases, and 
severely debilitating in the other %). The process is entirely 
involuntary and does not require SCP-897 to be conscious in order 
to work. 


MRI scans and medical tests indicate that the transplanted organs 
are seamlessly integrated into SCP-897's body (regardless of 
genetic disparity) and function as normal. SCP-897 has been found 
to contain DNA from atleast different people (including 
Foundation personnel). It is estimated that no more than % of its 
original body mass remains. Why its immune system (which itself 


firearm, capable of chambering and firing .838 Lapua Magnum 
cartridges. 

Date of Recovery: 07-16-2000 

Location of Recovery: Sandford, Somerset, England 
Current Status: In storage. 


Item Description: A running car made entirely out of paper scraps. 
No motor has been found. 

Date of Recovery: - - 

Location of Recovery: , Texas 

Current Status: Kept in a garage with various other non-dangerous 
cars and such in Site- . 


Item Description: The exact phrase " ", when used as a 
username on any website. Accounts by this name cannot be banned 
or deleted, and content uploaded or posted by them cannot be 
removed, due to computer errors that spontaneously occur during 
attempts. 

Date of Recovery: - -2007 

Location of Recovery: N/A. First instance identified on social 
media website Reddit. 

Current Status: The operators of the known accounts by this 
username have been located and amnesticized to prevent usage of 
these accounts. The username has been registered by the 
Foundation on as many other sites as possible. 


Item Description: A standard coin counting jar with no identifiers of 
its manufacturers. The jar runs on one (1) triple-A battery, and works 
as expected, correctly counting the amount of coins placed within. 
However, all coins placed inside will become pennies of equal 
amount (e.g., a dime placed inside will become 10 pennies). 
Outwardly the jar appears full of pennies. If the lid is removed, the 
coins can be removed as normal, though they still appear as 
pennies within the jar. 

Date of Recovery: 11-11-2011 

Location of Recovery: A Walgreen's store at , Florida. 
Current Status: On the desk of Dr. 


Item Description: A stack of three-hundred and sixty-four (364) 
pieces of personalized stationery. "Messages for Bertrand Bartleby" 
is inscribed at the top of each. When folded in half, stationery will 


inscribe itself with the name, physical description, and a 
chronological record of actions taken by anyone in proximity to the 
folded paper, using terminology and slang common to turn-of-the- 
century London. 

Date of Recovery: 02-15-2015 

Location of Recovery: 412 Missionary Street, London, England. 
Current Status: Missing. 

Notes: On 06-20-2015, all but one (1) piece of the acquired 
stationery were reported missing from storage. The remaining piece 
had been folded in half and left in the empty locker. 


+ Contents of Remaining Folded Paper 


Fifteen Minutes After Third Bell, Evening 
Bertrand Bartleby enters. Pale, stout, and 
doughy as a Yorkshire Dumpling. Dress of fine 
quality. Posture of a well-bred and educated 
gentleman. 


Sixteen Minutes After Third Bell, Evening 
Bertrand Bartleby recovers all but one of me. 
He expresses polite amusement at my 
recovery. 

| am folded in half. 


Seventeen Minutes after Third Bell, Evening 
Bertrand Bartleby requests that | begin 
recording retroactively from the moment he 
arrived. Additions are made. 


Eighteen Minutes after Third Bell, Evening 
Bertrand Bartleby exits. 


Twenty-Two Minutes after Seventh Bell, 
Morning 

Quartermaster Victor Louis enters. Tall, 
athletic, with a distinct mix of European French 
and African Negro. Dress and posture of 
unsightly quality. 


Twenty-Three Minutes after Seventh Bell, 


Morning 

Victor Louis recognizes that the rest of me is 
missing. He emits vocalized expressions of 
vulgarity, suggesting surprise and/or anger 
typical of lesser upbringing. He approaches 
with intent to open me. 


Item Description: A brand mountain bike that, while 

mounted, experiences a headwind of random speeds from m/s to 
m/s, even in enclosed buildings. 

Date of Recovery: - -2014 

Location of Recovery: , Denmark 

Current Status: Research ongoing for possible wind power 

generation. 


Item Description: A brand digital camera. When a photograph 
is taken, resulting photograph reveals scene of photo approximately 
4.5 seconds before the exposure took place. Videos taken that are 
under 4.5 seconds in length are also affected. 

Date of Recovery: 04-10-20 

Location of Recovery: Die Fotografie at , Germany 
Current Status: In Dr. B _ 's office. 


Item Description: A VHS tape with a recording of the music video 
for "Once in a Lifetime" by the band Talking Heads. The segment 
with the repeated line "Same as it ever was" continues from 
timecode 1:57 for two hours of non-repeating footage, with David 
Byrne repeating the line and looking increasingly distraught as 
hands grip his head. 

Date of Recovery: - -1980 

Location of Recovery: 

Current Status: General media storage. 

Notes: Crew who worked on the original filming were interviewed. 
They all agree that no extra footage of this segment was shot. 


Item Description: A controller for the console that causes 
anyone holding it to write/type in '1337’', a ‘language’ that replaces 
most alphabet letters with alternative ASCII numbers and symbols. 
Date of Recovery: 04-15-20 

Location of Recovery: , Illinois, USA 

Current Status: In Dr. Albae'’s Personal Locker. 


Item Description: A scorpion that imitates various human 
mannerisms and speaks fluent English in a British accent. 
Date of Recovery: 01-28-2010 

Location of Recovery: , Texas, USA 

Current Status: Contained in standard terrarium, heat lamp 
included, at Site 

Notes: He appears to like tea, despite normal scorpions being 
strictly carnivorous. - Dr. Henry 


Item Description: A pennaceous feather resembling a tail feather 
from an unknown species of family Accipitridae (hawks, eagles, and 
vultures). It is brown with white banding, appears to have naturally 
fallen from its host, and measures 4m long by 1m wide. 

Date of Recovery: 09-14-2011 

Location of Recovery: Steppe land approximately 500 km west of 
Astana, Kazakhstan. 

Current Status: In storage. 

Notes: So we have a giant egg and a giant feather in storage. 
Where's the giant bird? And why doesn't anybody know about it? - 
Dr. Argent 


Item Description: An unbranded data cable for Android devices. 
When connected to a compatible device, the device will charge itself 
even though the data cable is not attached to a visible power supply. 
Date of Recovery: - -20 

Location of Recovery: Sent as "Promotional Material" through __to 
Site- , return address of mail is currently under surveillance by 
Foundation operatives. 

Current Status: Kept in storage in Site- for personnel to use. 


Item Description: Twelve (12) quill pens that, when placed inside a 
suitable salt water environment, will animate and behave like a Sea 
Pen (Pennatulacea). When taken out of water, it will revert back to 
its original state. The items were discovered after a report of living 


pens. 
Date of Recovery: 08-23-2015 

Location of Recovery: A small tank inside , san Diego. 
Current Status: Placed in an aquarium at Dr. 's room. 


Item Description: A commercial electrician's 22 piece tool set 
manufactured and sold by . Any attempt to take any of the 


tools in the set without looking directly at it will cause the tool to 
instantaneously transport a few meters away to a random location. 
After 5 attempts to retrieve a tool, all tools in the set will transport to 
a location suitable for them to arrange themselves in an order 
resembling the ";)" emoticon. 

Date of Recovery: 04-18-2013 

Location of Recovery: Construction site for Containment Area- 
Current Status: Site-45's Low Priority Containment wing. 


Item Description: A writing pad with the words "Do not swaer" [sic] 
written on every page. Whenever the object is written about, any 
expletives in the text will automatically be replaced with similar 
words. 

Date of Recovery: 09-08-2015 

Location of Recovery: A classroom in the school in : 
Australia. 

Current Status: Kept on a papertray in Researcher 's room. 


Item Description: A pair of black men's gloves made of an 
unknown material. If the items are worn while punching a living thing 
or inanimate object, large words depicting the sound made will 
appear for 1.7 seconds within 1 meter of the wearer. 

Date of Recovery: 09-08-2015 

Location of Recovery: A prop house in Walla Walla, Washington, 
United States. 

Current Status: In Dr. 's office display case. 


Item Description: A pencil sharpener that adds back layers of wood 
to any pencil inserted until it is indiscernible from its original 
unsharpened form. 

Date of Recovery: -11-2015 


Location of Recovery: A classroom in ‘ Africa. 
Current Status: In a staff supply closet for reusing pencils. Ina 
locked container in Dr. 's office. 


Item Description: A 1-gallon tub of Ben and Jerry's Vanilla Ice 
Cream. The ice cream itself is continuously kept at 12°C, despite 
temperature surrounding it. Consumption of the ice cream will cause 
the taste to change to a random flavor of existing ice cream flavors. 
However, consumption will automatically trigger an "ice cream 
headache". The ice cream does not regenerate after consumption. 


Date of Recovery: 03-14-19 
Location of Recovery: 's Freezing Goods. 
Current Status: Area 23 frozen storage. Consumed. 


Item Description: A human skull that, when held, will cause the 
holder to walk around the room with the skull, acting out the play 
"Hamlet" by William Shakespeare. After finishing, the holder will 
place the skull to its original position, and return to normal. When 
questioned, subjects usually respond with lines from the play. 
Date of Recovery: 09-14-2002 

Location of Recovery: A drama hall in London, England. 
Current Status: A locked display case in Dr. Moreau's office. 


Item Description: A male blue shark (Prionace glauca) that swims 
through the air like it would through water. 

Date of Recovery: 11-16-2013 

Location of Recovery: Miami, Florida 

Current Status: On-Site terrarium at Site-B14 

Notes: Will eat anything a normal shark would, but seems to prefer 
dog food. - Dr. Uhiman 


Item Description: A stovepipe style hat that, when worn by a 
human and viewed by one or more penguins, will exert a force on 
the wearer accelerating them upward at a rate of 1 m/s2 per 
observer. Under normal circumstances, 10 or more observers are 
required to overcome the forces of gravity. 

Date of Recovery: - -20 

Location of Recovery: ZOO, , 

Current Status: Site-37 storage wing. 


Item Description: A double-six domino that cannot be knocked 
over. When pushed with a great amount of force, it knocks down the 
object that pushed it with a similar amount of force. Should a human 
push it, it bends the finger(s) that pushed the domino downward. 
Date of Recovery: 03-28-1996 

Location of Recovery: Boston, Massachusetts 

Current Status: Placed against the wall in Site-4's storage 
compartment. Shot by Agent [REDACTED] in an attempt to knock it 
down, and thus it was broken into multiple pieces. Pieces displayed 
no anomalies, even after being super glued together. 


Item Description: One cassette tape entitled The Best of Queen. 
When left unobserved in close proximity to other cassette tapes, 
item will transmogrify the tapes into exact copies of itself. 

Date of Recovery: 09-20-1982 

Location of Recovery: The floorboard of Agent 's Car. 
Current Status: Site-88's music wing. 


Item Description: A gray analog alarm clock that sounds like the 
owner's primary maternal figure when reaching its set specific time. 
Date of Recovery: 10-28-2015 

Location of Recovery: Ithaca, New York 

Current Status: Kept in storage. Destroyed by Agent . Agent 
reprimanded. 


Item Description: A seemingly standard U.S. quarter. When 
flipped, it has a 33% chance of landing on a third side not normally 
visible. This third side depicts an engraving similar in appearance 
and format to the special state quarters; however, it depicts a state 
that does not exist. The state depicted is called "New Caulde", and 
according to the coin, was founded in 1919. The engraving depicts a 
hammer and a nail over a stylized image of a tree. 

Date of Recovery: 03-10-1989 

Location of Recovery: Las Vegas, Nevada 

Current Status: In storage. Testing must be approved by Dr. Cox. 


Item Description: A table with a circular area approximately 20 cm 
in diameter that remains at a constant 37°C, no matter the 
surrounding temperatures. 

Date of Recovery: - - 

Location of Recovery: Atlanta, Georgia, USA 

Current Status: In the Site-19 Break Room for use by staff (request 
to move to storage pending) 


Item Description: A relatively small maple tree that shows effects 
opposite to the season currently underway. There are no ill effects 
on its health in spite of being unable to sufficiently photosynthesize 
due to the anomaly. 

Date of Recovery: 07-21-1984 

Location of Recovery: A park in 

Current Status: Relocated to an outdoor compartment of Site- . 
Object retains anomalous property after relocation. 


Item Description: A complex ritual which, when performed 
correctly, causes the manifestation of a single pepperoni pizza. 
Ritual was originally written on a receipt from a local pizzeria for one 
large pepperoni pizza. 

Date of Recovery: 11-16-1993 

Location of Recovery: Phoenix, Arizona 

Current Status: Original receipt is kept in a low security filing 
cabinet at Site-17. 

Notes: Investigation of pizzeria showed no signs of further 
anomalous activity. 


Item Description: A colony of lesser flamingo (Phoenicopterus 
minor), numbering 1441 in population at time of recovery, whose 
members were mutually intangible. Breeding attempts resulted in 
completely intangible offspring. 

Date of Recovery: 04-18-1952 

Location of Recovery: , Namibia 

Current Status: All known members are deceased. The remains 
displayed no anomalous properties and were incinerated. 


Item Description: An animate common iguana made completely of 
plant matter. Iguana was unable to reproduce as no female version 
of the creature had been found. Consumed insect matter. 

Date of Recovery: 04-12-1983 

Location of Recovery: Sewers beneath 

Current Status: Died at average age; genetic information stored at 
Site- .