"To settle home and hearth and clean-swept floor. 

"| Know you've thought of leaving—please don't lie. 


« SCP-934 | SCP-935 | SCP-936 » 


"| Know you think our love is all askew. 

"But darling, | can change, or | can try, 

"And more importantly you can change too. 

"| Know you've thought me to be quite the jerk 
"Insisting on tradition; now | plea, 

"| think I've found a way to make this work 
"So please, my darling, won't you marry me?" 
"Yes," she cries, so thrilled to end her wait 
And ring upon her finger seals her fate. 


The Dungeon 

There's water softly dripping from the roof 

And with conviction six feet step in time 

While two of them are quiet and aloof 

The third is wailing, telling of his crime 

His jailers are unsympathetic, taut 

Unwilling to think of him as human 

A person who had done wrong and been caught 

And now was lead through their stone-wrought lumen 
"| didn't want to!" he cries through his tears 

"They said that | would have to take the blame 

"They played on all my loves, and all my fears, 
"Please tell me, would you not have done the same?" 
The chains snap out and drag him to his fate 

To quench a thirst for justice we can't sate. 


The Lost Child 

The doctor rests his hands upon her cell 

On glass that separates the child from him 
He waits for her to loose her words and tell 
What he can't find upon a paper skim 

She watches him with eyes that tell of grief 
Of children just like her who passed away 

Of sadness, terror, sorrow and relief 

Of babies who were lost or gone astray 

He cannot speak now, he has no more words 
He only waits in dark solemnity 

For his son's speech to fly her mouth like birds 
Assuage the guilt he's felt so endlessly 


Her mouth will give him words to help him grieve 
While lifted hands cry out for him to leave 


Anomalous Typeface 

For real, my dudes, | do not understand 

Why we can't just be chill about this font 

It's just a typeface! Nothing to be banned 

And purposely designed to never daunt 

| think it's truly silly, really, now, 

That we've allowed ourselves to be so cowed 
By this. Do we think our collective brow 

Is so high that some letters aren't allowed?! 
We're better than this, look inside your heart 
And see that we can end this petty spat 

That's driven kerning nerds and friends apart 
So just believe that we—oh dear, what's that? 
NO WAIT I DIDN'T MEAN TO MAKE IT SHOW 
I'LL MAKE IT STOP DON'T TOUCH ME NO NO NO! 


« First Quarto | Second Quarto » 


Secret Of The Goldfish 


Speaker turned into the alley with the calm purposefulness of a 
person that was clearly justified in whatever they were doing. The 
suit helped too, but they had found that body language was the key 
to getting along in a physical form. And going into a dark back alley 
meant that no one would notice whatever splash of purple their other 
forms might have. Speaker was very fond of purple, and less fond of 
sticking to a single form. Today they looked like a vaguely middle- 
eastern man with violet eyes. Next week they might look like 
someone else. But today they had a delivery to make, resting 
soundly in the grocery bag hanging from their arm, and it was critical 
that they not be stopped. 


The door marked with the carp transforming into a dragon was a 
relic of the old fish store, but now it showed the way into Esena 
Sushi, and into the demiplane they were traveling to. Entering the 
plane was a simple matter. Insert the magic key, open the door, and 
close it once again. It wasn’t like they needed to use this particular 
door. Any door would have been sufficient to work the little magic 
needed to enter the demiplane linked to Laurie. But Speaker had a 
sense of humor which made them more than willing to go far out of 
their way just to use a door with a fish on it. 


And as their eyes adjusted to the dim light of the first room, they 
noticed the first of the fish guarding this plane. It was a jet-black 
catfish, a meter long wall of muscle with three pairs of whiskers 
trailing along the floor. Its fins were clawed and abnormally 
muscular, and it had an extra pair to help it travel along the metal 
floor. Soeaker knew this particular one well, and was well aware of 
the painful electric shock it could produce. 


“Wattson, how have you been?” Speaker reached into the bag and 
pulled out a can of wet cat food. “I brought you your favorite treat!” 


The catfish watched steadily as Speaker walked over to the pond in 


the center of the room, and dumped the cat food into the water. It 
waddled over, continuing to keep a close eye on them as it carefully 
tested the water with its barbels. Satisfied that this food was the 
fancy whitefish and tuna blend it loved so much, it flopped 
ungracefully into the water and began to eat. Speaker took their 
leave, heading through the next door before Wattson changed its 
mind. 


In the course of their existence, Speaker had seen many creatures 
more powerful than any human. They'd watched twisted entities 
shape biological creatures into forms which most humans would 
cower away from, and beings worshipped as gods in return for the 
power they imbued into mortal forms. They'd eaten more than a few 
of them, even. In their educated opinion, Laurie Hicks could hold her 
own with the most profane of the beings that wove flesh like thread. 
What she lacked in sheer power, she made up for with connections 
and techniques that they suspected would have been lost on the 
"gods" that they'd met and consumed. It made it all the more 
peculiar that they appreciated her company, instead of seeing her as 
a threat. But no matter. 


The next room appeared to be made of fish tanks instead of the 
metal tiles which covered the floor and walls. Colonies of loaches, 
from spiny loaches to weather loaches to the Pangio loaches, 
colonized each tank. Some of the tanks had sticky notes on them, 
locations where this colony or that colony would be sent upon 
payment. When telepathically linked to an owner they would be an 
effective, if loud, alarm system. But unlinked, they simply whispered 
out their thoughts to the other loaches. Speaker made their way 
through this room quickly. If they lingered, the loaches would only 
get louder with each echo of thoughts back to each other. It was 
enough to give anything a headache. 


Laurie wouldn't have been in the first two rooms, and it appeared 
that she wasn’t in the third one either. Speaker would just have to 
wait. They were a visitor here, and despite their own powers, Laurie 
was the ruler of this demiplane. They physically couldn’t enter the 
other rooms without her permission. They patted the side of the 
grocery bag in an attempt to soothe their delivery, and looked 
around. 


This room also had an abundance of fish tanks, but none of them 
loaches. Softly glowing tetras flickered in one tank, scales flashing 
almost hypnotically. Another held photosynthetic corydoras catfish, 
another cichlids with scales which changed colors on a whim, a third 
an arowana with a cat’s intelligence and personality. Even more 
tanks held fish with changed forms, changed minds, or simply for 
use as decorations. One tank which caught their eye had an inky 
black moray eel, lazily fading from a solid form to a dark liquid which 
swirled in the water and back again. 


Memory stirred within them. Another time, another place, in parallel 
space, they had seen something like that eel before. Too large to 
eat, too powerful to parasitize, and too dangerous to live near. She'd 
made them flee, even across dimensions, just to escape her hunger. 
Flee to here, where they had to stay linked with a physical form or 
risk dissolution. But there were an abundance of beings here, 
enough to eat and to feed upon until they grew powerful enough to 
return. They'd devour her, someday. But not today, and not while 
they had Laurie to work with. 


A snarl unconsciously formed on their face as they watched the eel 
change forms. What a hideous, ugly, disgusting thing. It would be 
easy, So easy, to reach in there and destroy its life force for good. 
That was a good idea, just quickly destroy the creature before it 
could do anything more. They let their hand creep to the lip of the 
tank. 


“Don’t even think about putting your hand in those tanks, Speaker.” 


They turned around, bowing gallantly to the woman who had just 
limped in. She wasn’t supposed to have a physical form. Normally 
upon conclusion of the genius loci spell, she would have lost it in 
return for complete power over the demiplane. But a mistake had 
been made somewhere along the line, and while she still had a 
physical form, she lacked the omnipresence she would have gotten 
in exchange. And she still wasn't capable of leaving the plane, which 
Speaker considered to be a rather poor deal. 


“Laurie, you look just as wonderful as ever.” 


Laurie stared them down, finally crossing damp arms over a shirt 


soaked with tank water. “And you're just as shameless. What do you 
want?” 


“Companionship, a nice conversation, maybe a dinner da-,” Speaker 
held up their hands in surrender as she reached down to unfasten 
her prosthetic leg. “Sorry, sorry! But | did have a reason for coming 
here.” She rolled her eyes, and they thought once more about how 
her fiery red hair complemented her personality. 


“Alright,” She grumbled, leaning against a doorframe. “What’re you 
here for, really? Don’t forget, I'll smack you if you go back to that 
dating crap.” 


They sighed, but wisely chose not to comment on the last sentence. 
“The circus was in town the other day. | picked up a new friend for 
your collection. | offered to buy the entire stock, but they were quite 
insistent that | play to win the fish.” 


Laurie’s eyes blazed with indignation when she saw the goldfish 
they pulled from the bag. “They tattooed it! Those jack- Those jerks, 
you don’t do that to a fish!” She took the container from their hand, 
and limped to the trapdoor. “Come on, sweetheart. I'll get you all set 
up in the hospital pond. You'll be fixed up and put with friends in no 
time.” 


Speaker smiled. It was an annoyance that she was immune to being 
eaten for the moment, but they never imagined that a human would 
grow on them like this. She was still prey, naturally, but prey that 
they didn't mind not being able to eat. It was more interesting to let 
her do what she would, after all. 


“Laurie!” They pretended that they hadn’t been smiling slightly when 
she turned around. “Laurie, do you need anything from me? If the 
circus is still in town, | might stop in and win another fish.” 


“Yeah,” They noticed that she was rolling her eyes again, and 
wondered what she was about to say next. “Can you tell my latest 
client that he’s a fucking moron?” 


They made a quiet choking noise. “What?” Composing themselves, 
they tried not to stare at her in disbelief. “What did this client of yours 


do to deserve that?” 
“Bichir.” 
“Bichir? | think | have heard that somewhere...” 


“They're also called dragonfish.” She snorted as their face paled in 
realization. “Yup, this idiot wants a fire-breathing fish. With wings! 
Can you believe it?” 


“Unfortunately, yes.” Speaker sighed, reminded once again of how 
utterly stupid humans could be. “I assume you agreed to do this for 
them?” 


She shook her head. “No, not yet. I’m trying to convince him that if 
he really needs a fish that’s a dragon, to go with a school of koi. 
Those have practically been bred to change into eastern dragons at 
this point. But | think he just wants to look cool.” 


“So...” Speaker paused for a moment. 


“Yeah, if you could go look and make sure that no one’s ever 
actually turned a bichir into a dragon like he wants, that would be 
great. It looks bad when | do something for an idiot that ends up with 
them burning their faces off, but it'll look worse if he tries to do it 
himself and screws up.” 


“Your every desire is my command,” They murmured, trying not to 
smile as she flipped them off. “I suppose | will be taking my leave, 
then. | will be back in a week to check up on the goldfish, maybe 
with a new friend if the circus is still here?” 


“Whatever.” 


Speaker bowed once again, and left. Their delivery ought to be in 
good hands with Laurie. She was harsh on anything that wasn’t one 
of her beloved fish, but they knew that she treated those fish like 
little lords of the water. They'd never thought that they would 
consider a human anything more than easy prey, much less respect 
one. But Laurie was something else, something worth respect and 
interest. They would understand her, someday. Maybe that would be 
enough to convince them that she was still prey. 


Changing form, changing shape, even changing their mind, but 
never changing who they were, Speaker would grow stronger and 
more powerful. They would learn, and shift, until they could finally 
fulfill their goals at last. For now, it was best to be considered just a 
human shapeshifter, just someone who sought knowledge, nothing 
more. It was dangerous for people to Know what sort of being they 
really were. Some humans might decide to worship them as a god, 
and gods gained all sorts of unwanted attention. Powerful attention, 
even. Besides, those humans might not take it well when they 
realized that the object of their worship was really just a cosmic 
lamprey. Humans were so fickle like that. 


If they wanted to sneak back into the circus and grab another fish, 
they would need to hunt down some food to give them that energy. It 
would be easiest continue to lurk around the alleys. One never knew 
what they would find in there. A quick human would be enough to let 
them change their form, and maybe they could grab some more to 
bolster their stores. Then they could continue their work. 


SECURE 


Something is amiss 

The balance of reality 
Changes and suddenly tips 
No longer fifty-fifty 


Existence here is wrong 

The sight, the sound, the feel 
Like some melodious song 
Created with notes unreal 


Corner the anti-existing 

Its presence itself is malign 
Follow the non-thing twisting 
The straight reality line 


Ultimately it is malicious 
Intent has no control 

The good are the pernicious 
The evil are clear vitriol 


Remove it from the ignorant 

Where its harm has the greatest effect 
Do not let it run errant 

This existential reject 


Erase its presence from 

The memory of Possibility 

Since complete removal will become 
An exercise in futility 


Security Camera# Log 


PLEASE NOTE: Only the anomalous moments recorded by 
Security Camera# have been transcribed into text. The times of 
the specific incidents have been noted. 


02/21/20 : 3:12 AM 


One of the double doors separating Foundation 
Relaxation Annex #4435 (FRA4435) from the corridor, 
originally closed, opens approximately 10 degrees. After 
three minutes, the door closes. 


02/25/20 : 12:25 PM 


Doctor is seen, through the doors, attempting to sit 
down on a Chair within line-of-sight of the camera. The 
chair moves a foot behind him. Doctor lands on 
the floor. As gets up, with the assistance of other 
off-duty staff, laughing and cajoling is heard about 

's alcohol consumption. 


02/28/20 : 7:23 PM 


Agent is seen in the hallway outside of FRA4435 
doing wall flips. is muttering and cursing to himself. 
During his third jump, _'s right foot appears to become 
stationary at is highest point for half a second, before the 
agent is dropped downward with force. does not 
seem to notice this, and treats the event as if he simply 
failed to make a full rotation. 


03/02/20 : 2:43 PM 


The doors to FRA4435 are open. A small object (later 
identified as a ping-pong ball) rolls into frame, out of the 
Annex. When the ball reaches the midpoint of the 


SCP-936: Fruit of Man 


Item #: SCP-936 
Object Class: Euclid