struggle, keeping the metal. Metal hated rain, 
but rain... rain is nice. Sun is nice. What is 


happening to us? 


SCP-1710-2: Identity crisis, | suppose. Oh, | 
know what will help! How about a nice cup of 
tea? 


SCP-1710-1: What is tea? 


SCP-1710-2: Why, tea is... huh. You know, | 
never really thought about what tea is to me 
now. Tea to a tree, now that's a philosophical 
question! Practically metaphysical. | bet our 
Jane would have a lot of fun with that. Such a 
bright girl she is, you'd have loved her, 
Maxwell. She went to study law, you know, but 
she said it was too dry for her, and | said so 
too, plus the robes looked rather silly on her, 
and she- 


SCP-1710-1: We are beginning to suspect we 
have made a grievous error. 


<End Log> 


Addendum 1710-B: following SCP-1710-2’s comments, the 
Foundation began a focused monitoring effort centered on local 
publications in the area. Onthe //  ,anad similar to that 
described by SCP-1710-2 was encountered. Foundation agents 
arriving at the address for the company listed in the ad (Skybound 
Antelope Reincarnation Services) found an empty office. The 
following printed pamphlet was found nailed to the office’s front 
door: 


Are you tired of living that same old life? Do you fear the 
cold, merciless embrace of death? Are you looking for a 
change? Look no longer! We at Skybound Antelope 
guarantee a new life for every customer or your money/ 
arcane secrets/tasteful nudes back! With our seven-point 
program, you too can experience perfect reincarnation, 
no fuss, no needless enlightenment: 


- Security: we use only the finest soul extractors, no 
dents, stains or irreparable sins! 

- Utility: a body specially chosen for your needs! 

- Confidentiality: old enemies or pesky grandkids will 
never know! 

- Kernel-centric: keep your old personality, minimal 
memory loss! 

- Emancipation: gender, race, species, quantum state 
not a problem! Be what you want to be! 

- Resource-efficient: no firstborn clause! 

- Simplicity: a new life is just a handshake away! 


Additionally, a handwritten annotation was found at the bottom of the 
pamphlet: 


Just so you know, that acrostic was a pain in the ass to 
write. Fucking K is always a bitch. Oh, the sacrifices we 
make for our craft. 


« SCP-1709 | SCP-1710 | SCP-1711 » 


SCP-1711: You Speak My Language 


Item #: SCP-1711 
Object Class: Euclid 


Special Containment Procedures: Instances of SCP-1711 are to 
be kept in Site-19's Storage Chamber 18, in opaque lockers. Due to 
SCP-1711-1's status as a Class-R Mind-Altering Material (Mild), all 
contact with it by Foundation personnel is to be held according to 
procedure 57-R-A. In case of accidental exposure to SCP-1711-1 or 
SCP-1711-2 instances used by an SCP-1711-1 affected individual, 
use of SCP-1711-3 may be authorized at the discretion of Site 
Director and depending on availability. All commercial materials 
found relating to SCP-1711 are to be removed. 


Description: SCP-1711 is the collective designation for three 
products sold by the "LingoBingo Mailorder Center of Individual 
Linguistics" on various social media outlets. The products 
(designated SCP-1711-1 to SCP-1711-3) each contain distinct but 
interconnecting anomalies, as follows: 


SCP-1711-1 is a thirty-five-page instructional manual titled "The 
LingoBingo Guide to a Liberated, Emancipated Self™". The front 
cover of SCP-1711-1 contains the following message: 


Seven billion people on the planet, and more every day. 
So many people who look the same way you do, act the 
same way you do, speak the same way you do. 
Sometimes, it can be difficult not to feel like you're just a 
cog in the system, and an easily replaceable one at that. 
Even your thoughts feel bland, simply recycling those of 
others. We understand that sometimes, all you really 
want is something to call your own, something truly 
unique. And here it is. A singular language, for your use 
only. The purest instrument of self-realization. Read on, 
and know what it is to become an individual. 


If read in its entirety, SCP-1711-1 will erase any existing knowledge 
of any spoken or written languages in the subject, and replace them 
with an individually constructed language only understood by them. 
Said language will bear no linguistic connections to any known 
language. Sign languages are not affected by SCP-1711-1. 
SCP-1711-1 creates a different, independent language in each new 
subject exposed to it. Notably, those affected by SCP-1711-1 are 
still capable of understanding the written material arriving with any 
instance of SCP-1711. 


Instances of SCP-1711-1 are usually priced between and USD 
or regional equivalent, and will always arrive with advertisements for 
SCP-1711-2. 


SCP-1711-2 are aerosol cans, branded "LingoBingo's 
Communication Enabler™". If sprayed by an individual previously 
affected by SCP-1711-1 on another individual, SCP-1711-2 will 
transfer SCP-1711-1's effects. Notably, the language received by 
subjects affected by SCP-1711-2 will always match that received by 
the SCP-1711-1 host that sprayed them, thus increasing the number 
of people speaking said language. SCP-1711-2 cans usually contain 
enough substance to affect between five and seven individuals, if 
used according to the attached instructions. The label on instances 
of SCP-1711-2 reads: 


You are your own person now. It is liberating, isn't it? But 
something is missing. Others are frustrated by your 
individuality, blinded by your shine. They just don't 
understand, do they? We understand. With our 
Communication Enabler™, you can make them all 
understand. A mere whiff, and they'll all soeak your 
language. No more loneliness, no more frustration. Use 
this, and your friends and loved ones will finally see who 
you truly are. 


Instances of SCP-1711-2 are usually priced between USD and 
USD or regional equivalent, and will always arrive with 
advertisements for SCP-1711-3. 


SCP-1711-3 are 100ml drip bottles, branded "LingoBingo Error 
Remedy™". If used on an individual affected by SCP-1711-1 or 


SCP-1711-2, SCP-1711-3 will restore the subject's linguistic 
capabilities to what they were prior to exposure. Additionally, use of 
SCP-1711-3 may cause moderate-to-severe stomachaches, 
headaches, mild fever, vomiting and dry heaves, and sleeping 
disorders for a period of 2-6 weeks following its use. SCP-1711-3 
bottles contain enough substance to affect a single individual, if 
used according to attached instructions. The label on instances of 
SCP-1711-3 reads: 


So you're your own person now, aren't you? Speaking in 
a language no one else can understand wasn't all that it 
was Cut out to be, wasn't it? We understand. So you 
wanted everyone else to speak your language, didn't 
you? We understand. But they weren't such big fans of 
you after you sprayed them with your 'uniqueness'’, 
weren't they? Didn't much appreciate the idea of being 
isolated from the rest of the world just to bask in your 
‘genius'? Got a tad miffed with you, didn't they? Heh, we 
sure do understand that. So you want to make things 
right, don't you? Not to look like the utter jackass you 
are, don't you? We can help. A bottle of "LingoBingo 
Error Remedy™, and you can all go back to being the 
ordinary cogs you used to be. Doesn't that idea sound 
swell? Yes, just like money in the bank. 


Instances of SCP-1711-3 are usually priced between and 
USD or regional equivalent. 


Attempts to locate the owners of LingoBingo have thus far proven 
unsuccessful. Orders arrive by air mail, carrying the return address 
of 435 Barren Rock Street, East Tethys. Foundation records indicate 
no such address exists. 


Addendum: The following note was found in a package of 
SCP-1711-3 ordered by the Foundation in order to treat several 
individuals affected by SCP-1711-1 and SCP-1711-2: 


A rose by any other name still has its horns. And no, 
that's not a typo. 


« SCP-1710 | SCP-1711 | SCP-1712 » 


SCP-1712: An Unusual Occurrence On August 11th, 
1959 


Item #: SCP-1712 
Object Class: Euclid 


Special Containment Procedures: SCP-1712-A is to be monitored 
by members of MTF-Kappa-11 "Red Barons". All images of 
SCP-1712-A picked up by satellite imaging are to be edited by 
Foundation personnel embedded in organizations capable of 
observing SCP-1712-A. Several probes have been launched by the 
Foundation from Thoth-1, in order to track SCP-1712-A's location. 
All information about SCP-1712-A gaining its anomalous 
phenomenon are to be suppressed, with the cover story of an office 
suicide having been disseminated. 


SCP-1712-B is to be held in a wildlife habitation unit, located in 
Site-77. The walls of this unit are to be made out of stone. No 
personnel are permitted direct contact with SCP-1712-B, and any 
contact made for the purpose of transportation or testing must be 
done with machinery. Prior to being moved, SCP-1712-B is to be 
sedated. 


Description: SCP-1712 designates two anomalous objects, labeled 
SCP-1712-A and -B. SCP-1712-A is a stone statue of aman named 
"Richard Boyd" a resident of Chicago, Illinois, in addition to half of 
an iron beam. SCP-1712-B is a tabby kitten with black and white fur. 
lt weighs 8 kilograms, and analysis has shown that it does not 
possess any internal organs, being one completely solid mass of 
flesh. On its exterior, SCP-1712-B displays no anomalous properties 
whatsoever. 


SCP-1712-A is rising at a rate of 20 kilometers per hour, with the 
speed increasing exponentially. Currently, it is located in the outer 
rim of the solar system, and is traveling out of observable range. No 
noticeable developments in its flight pattern have occurred since 


initial discovery, and the location Incident 1712-Prime occurred in 
has not displayed the same anomalous activity since. It is currently 
hypothesized that Incident 1712-Prime was not a random event, due 
to the fact that Richard Boyd had few family members, and the 
abnormally low number of witnesses. 


SCP-1712-B, when contacting living tissue, will immediately 
transform all surrounding tissue into stone. This transformation 
occurs instantaneously, and will also affect all non-organic matter 
the subject is making direct contact with, although it does not extend 
beyond this. SCP-1712-B does not appear to be aware of this effect, 
and displays behavior expected for a cat of its age. SCP-1712-B has 
not been noted to age during its time in containment. 


At present, the best reconstruction of Incident 1712-Prime is as 
follows: On the morning of August 11th, 1959, Richard Boyd was in 
his office when witnesses say he noted a "cat on the construction 
area"! and attempted to crawl out onto the construction area to 
rescue it, against the advice of others. After contacting the cat, 
Richard immediately lost his balance, fell, and then vanished from 
sight. Foundation personnel currently believe that this was the result 
of SCP-1712-A's anomalous effect initiating. 


MTF-Kappa-11 "Red Barons" was mobilized to track SCP-1712-A's 
location, but were not able to track it after it exited the operating 
range of their aircraft. Foundation personnel were able to recover 
SCP-1712-B from the area of the incident, and administered Class-B 
amnestics to all witnesses. The Foundation regained visual contact 
with SCP-1712-A in 1963, after tracking it with radar since its 
discovery. On 11/22/1961, SCP-1712 was classified as Euclid. 


In addition, the following note was found within SCP-1712-B's collar 
upon recovery: 


LOST CAT IF FOUND CONTACT [Renmar the 
Trebucher] CONTACTABLE IN [Kingdom of Suva] 


Gone to see her. My fault, have to rectify before it is to 
late. Will return if possible. 


R.M. 


Footnotes 
1. The building in which he worked was having an addition built 


« SCP-1711 | SCP-1712 | SCP-1713 » 


SCP-1713: Mechanical Curiosity 


Item #: SCP-1713 
Object Class: Safe 


Special Containment Procedures: Due to the immobile nature of 
SCP-1713, Site-71 has been constructed in order to contain the 
object, and to provide a proper processing unit for any materials 
entering into SCP-1713, or any objects that SCP-1713 may create. 
Any objects that are created must be inspected by containment staff. 
No personnel are to enter the core for any reason - any exploration 
will be performed by remote control robot. Any objects transported 
out of Site-71 must be cleared by at least three Level-3 personnel. 
Under no circumstances should personnel be on level eleven. All 
personnel must wear dosimeter tags while within SCP-1713. 


In the event of automatic start-up, all personnel are to immediately 
evacuate from levels six through twelve, while remaining out of the 
way of active machinery. Containment teams are to immediately 
report to the surface to receive any objects produced by the SCP. 


Description: SCP-1713 is a large underground factory complex that 
is constructed primarily of brick, steel and glass. This factory is 
dedicated to the construction of 18th century goods. Inside the 
complex is a variety of machines that are clockwork-based; these 
make up part of a large factory construction line. Disassembly of the 
industrial machines reveal complex assemblies, including gear 
trains, unseen types of transmission, and large steel timing chains. 
Chemical testing of the machines reveals the components to be 
composed of mostly iron (>95%), with the remaining elements 
composing of traces of carbon, manganese, chromium, nickel and 
tungsten. No abnormal properties have been observed with the 
machine parts. 


SCP-1713 is divided into 12 levels, with each level connected by 
elevators and large transport tubes. Ladders, crawl ways, stairwells 


and suspended catwalks allow for human access into the structure. 
All levels are connected by a large shaft which routes electricity, 
water, communication wires and pipes throughout the entire 
complex. Inside each level is a series of iron chain conveyor belts 
and tracks for autonomous machines to follow. The complex has 
been divided into the following: 


+ Open Floor Plan 


The surface structure is designed for mass storage 
and preparation for transport. It also provides a 
point where raw materials can be sent to the raw 
materials level. Models to be produced are 
designated from the control room situated within 
the building; 


The first level is the finishing level, where paint is 
applied, joints are lubricated, and general function 
of produced items are passed through a quality 
control system. Any items observed to have failed 
the forge's automatic quality control is sent down a 
chute to the recycling level; 


Levels two through five are assembly levels - 
machines at these levels are dedicated to taking 
components and constructing assemblies from 
individual components. Level 2 is dedicated fully to 
completing the products, and is equipped with 
advanced robotic arms and assembly machines. 


Levels six and seven are dedicated to the creation 
of components. Machines at this level are 
designed to work with extremely hot material, 
including molten steel and molten brass. Small 
machines create dies for larger machines to use 
for object molds. Example machines at this level 
include slag stirrers, automatic temperature 
gauges, oxygen blasters and robotic flyers that 
scoop up samples of the molten metal for quality 
testing; 


Level eight is a recycling level - any refuse from 
the higher levels of the complex is sent to this level 
to be sorted and melted down, before being re- 
processed. Insect-like robots have been observed 
to take apart faulty objects and sort them into large 
bins. Automatic carts take the bins and dump them 
into a large blast furnace, with stirring machines 
and air injectors keeping the mass settled. Liquid 
is transported from this level by large bucket to the 
seventh level for further processing;