Church of the Broken God: "In its master plan to unify 
the cosmos in a massive, ironclad equation, MEKHANE 
obviously had to generate surplus that would ultimately 
be useless in the long run. This postcard is one of such 
by-products." 


Sarkic Cults: "0/10 Doesn't even give me cancer." 


SCP-541: Living Thoracic System 


Item #: SCP-541 
Object Class: Euclid Safe Neutralized 


Special Containment Procedures: SCP-541 was kept in a plain 
pine wood coffin, some 1.98m (6.5ft) in length and with a 
stereotypical hexagonal construction. The lid to this coffin was kept 
affixed by means of four (4) padlocks, for relatively easy access to 
its contents. Keys were in the possession of the on-site Level 3 
technician heading research on SCP-541. SCP-541 could be 
removed from its coffin with care; the coffin could be moved with 
minimal limitations and security measures and proved by-and-large 
suitable for continued containment/storage of SCP-541. 


Description: SCP-541 was discovered in , Peru in 1988, in 
the crypt of a local Catholic Mission. The mission had been 
repurposed for several decades, and at the time of SCP-541's 
discovery was being converted into a youth hostel. The crypt 
beneath was being cleared for storage, with the corpses within being 
reburied locally. SCP-541 was discovered when the workers moving 
the coffin containing SCP-541 noticed "wet noises" coming from 
within. Investigation revealed SCP-541, led to local hysteria, then a 
brief fanatical following of SCP-541 (believing it to be supernatural 
or possibly saintly, akin to incorruptibility). The resultant attention led 
to a cursory investigation by our agents, followed by a total media 
blackout, confiscation of SCP-541, and extermination of those close 
to the object. 


SCP-541 is an intact set of human thoracic organs, including the 
lungs, heart, digestive system, etc. Notably, the organs operate in a 
grotesque but accurate imitation of an ordinary human body. Blood 
pumped, the esophagus performed peristalsis, and it appeared that 
the "organism" as a whole did not decay like normal organs did 
(what happened to SCP-541's original "owner," if there was one, is 
unknown). The digestive system did operate "normally" though there 


Dr. Wondertainment: "Safe for ages 0 and up!" 
Marshall, Carter, and Dark: "Poppycock." 

Are We Cool Yet?: "| think the artist was trying to make 
a comment on the inherent folly of pessimism and 
misanthropy, and how they believe we should live for the 


moment rather than critique every action the human race 
takes." 


Unusual Incidents Unit: "Hey, humans don't suck!" 


So are we clear? 


THIS THING IS GOING TO 
KILL NOBODY. 


SO SHUT UP. THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME. 
- 05-4 


+ 


What do you mean, it's going to kill Ne? 


SCP-4237-J: Object of Indescribable Action 


Item #: SCP-4237-J 
Object Class: Safe 


Special Containment Procedures: When not being interacted with, 
SCP-4237-J is to be kept in Storage Compartment #5433. While 
interaction experiments with SCP-4237-J have resulted in few life- 
threatening incidents, all experiments involving SCP-4237-J must be 
done in a high-level Containment Unit. 


Description: SCP-4237-J is a truncated icosidodecahedron (81 cm 
in diameter, 2.7 kg in weight) of unknown material. The surface is 
nominally hard and sharp-edged, with a submetallic lustre. 
SCP-4237-J has demonstrated the ability to deviate from these 
standards during manipulation; any alteration of SCP-4237-J's form 
simply 'works' as the manipulator expects or intends it to', even if 
such intended manipulation is theoretically impossible. 


It is impossible for any person interacting with SCP-4237-J to 
describe, in words or thoughts, precisely what SCP-4237-J does 
when one interacts with it. Subjects (and, if applicable, people 
observing others interacting with SCP-4237-J) find themselves 
unable to describe what SCP-4237-J did. Users find themselves 
increasingly frustrated as they attempt to articulate their interaction 
with SCP-4237-J, generally using analogies, neologisms, or 
portmanteaus in order to make their point. This inability occurs even 
if users attempt to recall interactions at a later date. 


Attempts to have a passive Observer define events (such as details 
for this report) fail, with each individual inventing their own 
descriptions for events. In general, subjects feel a sense of 
entertainment or pleasure in the activities they perform with 
SCP-4237-J, despite their inability to verbalize the actions ina 
rational way. 


Addendum 4237-A: Initial Interaction Experiments (D-Class) 
Please note: Due to the nature of SCP-4237-J, this report will use 
written or audio reports from the User. These are unedited, with the 
exception of removing guttural exclamations of frustration with being 
unable to define events. 


Subject: D-45423 
Duration of Interaction: 20 Minutes 
Subject's Report: 


So | looked at the thing, and grabbed it. Seemed a bit 
hard and heavy, like a big version of those dice the nerds 
used to use in their games. They told me to do whatever 
| felt like with it, so naturally | decided to see what would 
happen if | dropped the thing. Here's the really weird 
thing: it plorted all over the place. Didn't klinkle like you'd 
expect. Now, | started to worry that the thing had 
dunked, so | figured I'd try and use the biggest glop to 
unblow the smaller ones. Then it got really weird, 'cause 
the little crinks would shoom away from the gonk in my 
hand, skam against the far wall, and then glorb back into 
the wad in my hand. Breakedout 'til the thing was full 
again. Then they told me to put it down, and leave. 


Subject: D-9999 
Duration of Interaction: 4 Minutes 
Subject's Report: 


Okay, they told me to play with that shiny orb thing. Is 
this what you people do? Have people like me play with 
toys? Fine, whatever. After looking at the thing a bit, | 
realized that if | tapped a side like an elephant would tap 
a termite nest, that whole side would become a straw. 
Like a drinking straw, but no hole in the middle. Now, at 
first it only came out a few minute-space, but | found that 
repeating the action made it happen again and again, ‘tll 
it was about an hour's worth of stuckoutness. Nothing 
else happened, no matter which side | tapped on, so | 
started to all-you-see-is-a-wall with it. It burned like plant 
food when | tried it, but that's when you guys got mad. | 
apologize for what | did next, but no harm done, right? It 


acted like R' W _ 's worst experiment when | did it on 
your guy, and then you guys knocked me out. 


Subject: D-645 
Duration of Interaction: 5 Minutes 
Subject's Report: 


| saw the object, and was told to interact with it. Didn't 
really know what to do with it. | mean, it wasn't anything 
special. | slapped it around a bit, and could you believe 
it, it werged like you wouldn't believe! | just sort of 
watched it as it orbpulsed a bit, when the thought struck 
me to stick my finger in the middle of it. It started to 
whizgurn like a motherfucker, around my finger, 
skimmying around me! It was then | started to get 
worried, ‘cause... things don't lorb like that! Got worse 
when the parts started to sunshine between each other. 
It smellburned so lanterny for a while, so | just enjoyed 
its whirlpuzzling. After a while, it kooped up like normal. 


Subject: D-12324 
Duration of Interaction: 10 Minutes 
Subject's Report: 


| saw the thing, and since | was in a bad mood, | decided 
to just smash the damned thing with my foot. It hurt, but 
it made me feel better. | guess my foot is stronger than | 
thought, because | pitted it really well. Now in my mind, 
I'm thinking "Huh, that looks like a twirl." So | picked it up, 
and | was able to get it floatlatched. Made me feel like a 
goddamned genius, being able to do that. | found | could 
skim it a bit and keep the corb there. | struged it to the 
other, and got 'em both to hurling. Did that a couple 
dozen times. Have to admit, that was really awesome. 
Made me feel like a goddamned Spinnist. But then the 
higher-ups told me to leave, it got me mad. So | clanged 
the whole horb down and it all smucked back up into one 
thing. 


Subject: D-645 
Duration of Interaction: 30 Minutes 


Subject's Report: 


To be honest, | think you guys picked a bad guy to 
experiment with this thing. | mean, | didn't do much. | 
held the thing for a while, juggled it a bit, when the entire 
thing went jupiter core on me! After thinking it was gonna 
foom, | realized that each of the sides could be turned 
into donuts. Not the eating kind, the kind you flyin. Each 
one was a different brand of pastry, though, so some of 
them swam while others burned. There were a handful, 
though, that were the kind you drank, although | didn't. 
You only drink those things when you're purple, after all. 
| took advantage of all the goods to make a game for 
myself, using the flying-foods to make the swim-foods 
burn. Once | got them all - which wasn't easy, since the 
drinking donuts kept turning into Europe - they told me to 
stop. They got a bit mad at me for cleaning up all the 
dings before | left, but I've always felt it important to 
clean up after myself. 


Subject: D-892 

Duration of Interaction: 8 Minutes before [DATA ASSUMED TO 
QUALIFY FOR REDACTION] 

Observer's Report: 


Subject D-892 sat down next to SCP-4237-J. Taking it in 
his hands, he proceeded to grater it into approximately 
seventy chings. Explaining that he was planning on 
"Horning The Skermers", Subject clayed up each ching, 
then Trofflestamped the lot. The chings reacted 
crommley at first, but then began to parallax for 
homefeel. Subject seemingly enjoyed this, until the rate 
of crommification increased, leading to [DATA 
ASSUMED TO QUALIFY FOR REDACTION]. The 
chings proceeded to wailsing, and then rebing 
themselves. 


Addendum 4237-B: Secondary Interaction Experiments 
(Foundation Personnel) CURRENTLY PROCESSING 


Footnotes 


1. Itis currently assumed that SCP-4237-J's stated properties are its 
‘default’ state. Some personnel have begun to posit that SCP-4237- 
J's current state is being subconsciously ‘fed’ to SCP-4237-J, as its 
current state and properties lend itself to easy containment. 


SCP-1150-J: Budget Hole 


Item #: SCP-1150-J 
Object Class: Cannot be classified using available means. 


Special Containment Procedures: SCP-1150-J is located in the 
backyard of the administrative bunkhouse in Area 22/13 (Bum _k, 
Russia), guarded by two (2) dogs due to lack of more suitable 
housing and severe staff shortage. Experiments with SCP-1150-J 
are suspended indefinitely due to absence of qualified researchers 
and lack of available test subjects; all Area 22/13 D-class personnel 
have been assigned to labour at Area 22/13 household plot in order 
to alleviate present food shortage. 


Proposal that SCP-1150-J be moved to another Foundation facility 
is pending indefinite review until suitable transportation and fuel 
arrives and access roads are repaired as necessary. 


MTF Phi-13, "Broke Blokes" is assigned to work with the local 
populace in order to conceal the existence of SCP-1150-J. on an 
ongoing strike due to not having received their salary for the last 
months. 


This document will be registered in the Foundation database as 
soon as Area 22/13 electricity bill is paid and communication is 
restored; until then it is to be stored in Area Director skiy's desk 
drawer along with other important documents. 


Description: SCP-1150-J is a sculpture made from low-quality 
concrete, depicting a disembodied human arm bent halfway with 
another hand gripping its biceps. The sculpture is approximately 
(last tape measure in Area 22/13 was lost during Incident . .20 ) 
1.5 meters tall and can be carried by four (4) properly fed 
Foundation employees. 


The object's anomalous effect initially spread to supply agent off 


and chief accountant _ va; both started having repeating 
nightmares in which SCP-1150-J is depicted as the arms and hands 
of a humanoid entity whose face and other distinctive features 
match offs and __va's immediate superior skiy. Other Area 
22/13 employees also reported having similar nightmares, 
particularly often the nights before paydays. 


Addendum: The object was initially found on the grounds of Area 
22/13 storage area (abandoned due to absence of demand) by 
Saveliy Semyonovich, the Area warden, during a routine patrol 
(actually conducted for the first time in 20 due to said warden's 
alcoholism). After SCP-1150-J was contained and the warden was 
questioned and severely reprimanded, he was issued two (2) bottles 
of 80 proof amnestic, with the side effect of partially amnestifying the 
extent of his wage arrears. 


Footnotes 

1. The sole photographic machine on Area 22/13 was stolen during 
last quarter of 20 

2. Area 22/13 budget does not permit an artist 


SCP-47-47-J: Rusty the Wonder Dog 


Item #: SCP-47-47-J 
Object Class: Safe 


Special Containment Procedures: SCP-47-47-J should be kept 
indoors within a secure animal enclosure at Site-20. Although 
SCP-47-47-J appears to benefit from interaction with humans, for 
security and productivity reasons, this should be kept to a level 
commensurate with reasonable security practices, as determined by 
the Security Director of Site-20. Minimal attention is otherwise 
necessary to prevent a containment breach, provided the SCP 
Object does not come into contact with snow. 


SCP-47-47-J should be provided with a source of water, 16 ounces 
of a 1:1 mix of dry kibble and wet dog food per day, and walked as 
needed. Joints around the neck and non-flexible portions of the legs 
should be cleaned and lubricated once a month. When not being 
exercised, SCP-47-47-J appears content to pace around its 
enclosure or sleep. 


For the protection of SCP-47-47-J, any strings, yarn, or similar 
should be kept out of its enclosure. 


In the event of accidental containment breach during exercise 
periods, personnel are encouraged to crouch low to the ground and 
make kissing noises while holding treats. 


Note that some individuals consider SCP-47-47-J "cute". Extensive 
testing has uncovered no evidence that this is the result of an 
anomalous memetic effect. Individuals who seriously believe 
themselves to be compromised by SCP-47-47-J's expression, 
behavior, or physical appearance, especially those eyes, should 
report to their site's Psychologist for evaluation. 


Under no circumstances is SCP-47-47-J to be allowed outside when 


there is snow on the ground. In the event that this occurs, 
SCP-47-47-J will slowly walk forward in a straight line discharging its 
energy weapons. Containment Teams are instructed to maneuver 
around behind the SCP-Object, approach it stealthily from behind, 
and lift it by the torso until such time as its paws are no longer in 
contact with the ground. Although it is difficult to discourage 
SCP-47-47-J from at least attempting to go outside when snow is 
present, scolding seems a sufficient means of reprimand following 
such an incident. 


Description: SCP-47-47-J is an autonomous plastic entity 
superficially resembling an AT-AT from the Star Wars franchise of 
films, crossed with a puppy. The word "Rusty", in a child's 
handwriting, is written in permanent marker on a panel near the 
back of its torso. Although the torso, feet, and portions of joints on 
the legs are rigid and appear more or less mechanical in nature, the 
head, tail, and the remainder of the legs are quite flexible and can 
appear organic in the right light. Morphological sex characteristics, if 
any, have not been discovered yet, but DNA suggests that the dog 
portions of the SCP Object are male.