Item description: Small cardboard can of “Eetmees’, with the rest 
of the packaging labelled in French describing the foodstuff as 
“Irresistibly Good!” and “Undeniably Tasty!”. Can contained five 
small, three-legged crab-like creatures with tiny claws and large, 
dewy eyes. When released, they leaped up and down ecstatically, 
clicking their claws and repeatedly screaming “eat me!” in shrill, 
high-pitched voices. When subject delayed and then refused to eat 
them, the “Eetmees” attempted to force their way into the subject’s 
mouth. The creatures made "joyous shrieking" sounds when being 
chewed, and "whee" sounds when being swallowed. 


Money entered: 100 yen 

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered 

Item description: "FOOD". 18-0z steel can with a pull-tab. Label 
was all white with the word "FOOD" written in large, black letters. No 
other information (nutrition, ingredients, weight, etc.) is listed. When 
opened, can was found to contain a thick, gray, odorless paste. 


purpose to get them to waste their time on 
stupid shit 

bluntfiend: Did |, friend? Did |? 

bones: You didn't. 

bluntfiend: Yeah, no. | definitely didn't. It's still 
pretty funny, though. 

harmpit: fucking classic 

lesbian_gengar: hey guys whats going on in 
this thread i'm not about to backread 
polaricecraps: bluntfiend's stephen king troll 
on gaycopmp4 went wild and we think the 
janitors are on it now 

lesbian_gengar: Imao. 


Footnotes 

1. A group previously suspected of involvement in several events of 
interest, as well asSCP-2842. This raid was conducted in connection 
with reports of local leftist groups using anomalous items during 
protests. 


« SCP-2292 | SCP-2293 | SCP-2294 » 


SCP-2294: The Problems At Hand 


Item #: SCP-2294 
Object Class: Safe 


Containment Procedures: SCP-2294 is to be kept in an acrylic 
glass container with holes drilled in for air at Site-19. SCP-2294 and 
its instances do not seem to require nor have ever requested any 
food or water. The container is to be monitored through the use of 
microphones at all times. These recordings are to be kept for future 
reference in Foundation archives. The room and container are also 
equipped with an intercom for interview purposes with SCP-2294. 


Description: SCP-2294 is a severed, Caucasian right hand 
measuring around fifteen centimeters in length and eight 
centimeters in width. The hand partially extends beyond its wrist, 
and the end of the hand is covered in scar tissue and badly 
damaged in some areas. 


The primary anomalous feature of SCP-2294 are the thumb and 
fingertips of the hand, which have been replaced with heads which 
strongly resemble the former US president Richard Milhous Nixon. 
Beyond the appearance of the heads, the fingertips also have the 
voice of the previous president. Auditory amplification is required in 
order hear SCP-2294, due to their diminutive size. Although 
SCP-2294 is capable of movement through the use of its fingers ina 
manner similar of certain insects or spiders, it is usually found laying 
palm up with the fingers raised so that the the instances are facing 
each other. 


All of the instances appear to be sentient, and seem to be capable 
of intelligence and thinking on the level of most humans. Four of the 
five “heads” believe they are still President, and often engage in 
debates over what decisions should be made for the country. The 
topics of their debates are usually about current events happening in 
the political world of the US, both domestic and foreign. It is 


currently unknown how they obtain information about these current 
events. Despite the heads having a wide range of topics, they seem 
to be very limited in finding solutions. The debates have included: 


¢ The Cold War with the Soviet Union 

¢ The 9/11 attacks and how to respond to them 
¢ Legalization of Same-Sex marriage 

* Gun Control 

* Climate Change 


While the heads resemble that of Richard Nixon, they all have 
varying beliefs and outlooks, which is primarily conveyed through 
their political debates. The instances (SCP-2294-1-5) will briefly 
discuss non-political subjects in interviews, but will often find ways to 
relate the subject back to politics in some manner. 


SCP-2294 instanci Type of Finger Personality 

2294-1 Thumb Has a somewhat 
moderate personality. 
2294-1 will always try 
to mediate arguments 
between the other 
fingers when intense 
arguing breaks out. 
When it comes to 
making political 
decisions of foreign 
policy, it prefers peace 
when possible, but 
has conceded to war 
under certain 
conditions and 
provocations, 
especially when there 
was a deliberate 
attack on the US or its 
people. It professes 
usually conservative 
ideals when it comes 
to domestic policy. It 


2294-2 


2294-3 


Index 


Middle 


frequently gives 
lengthy speeches (2 
hours and 14 minutes 
on the longest 
instance) to the other 
instances about what 
it believes is best for 
the country. 

More docile in nature 
than 2294-1. It is very 
hesitant to enter 
conflict with another 
country, and only 
concedes to war when 
a very clear attack has 
been made against 
the US. It is distressed 
about the 
environmental status 
of the world, and 
seems to be the only 
instance that is so. It 
also displays concern 
about increased 
equality in the US, 
socially and 
economically. 
Extremist and nearly 
radical in its level of 
patriotism and desire 
for advancement of 
the US. Dissolute and 
combative in nature, it 
sees war as a viable 
answer to nearly every 
conflict, whether it be 
minor or major, and 
encourages using the 
power of the US asa 
tool to further expand 


2294-4 


Ring 


the country at any 
opportunity. It is 
incredibly 
conservative in 
domestic policy, and 
it's most prevalent 
concern is the growth 
of the US 
economically and 
militarily. It is 
frequently seen 
causing arguments 
between the other 
members of 
SCP-2294, andisa 
large reason as to why 
war is such a common 
topic in the debates. 
Also very extreme in 
its views. Acting 
reserved and 
restrained when 
speaking, it is 
incredibly pacifistic, 
and has never 
conceded to war in 
any of the recordings 
the Foundation has of 
it, even when the US 
has been directly 
threatened or 
attacked. Nearly all of 
its decisions end up 
being related to 
creating or working 
towards world peace. 
It desires an 
economical system 
change in the US from 
capitalism to 


2294-5 


Little 


socialism, as it feels it 
would make 
individuals of the US 
more fulfilled and 
connected to each 
other. 

SCP-2294-5 is the 
most unusual of the 
instances. It is the 
only one aware of its 
status as a sentient 
appendage, and is 
even aware of its 
SCP-classification and 
containment, 
something the other 
instances have never 
verbally 
acknowledged. It is 
disinterested in 
politics, and rarely 
partakes in the other 
four instances’ 
debates. It displays 
signs of chronic 
depression, and is 
incredibly apathetic 
about its containment. 
Despite being the 
most self-aware 
instance of SCP-2294, 
it has not answered 
any questions 
regarding its origins, 
and avoids answering 
when asked, mostly 
by redirecting the 
question onto other 
subjects. 


Whether or not true sentience is held by instances 1-4 is currently 
under question, due to their fixation with politics and inability to 
discuss anything else for a substantial length of time, as well as their 
lack of awareness about their containment. 


Recovery Log - 2294: 


SCP-2294 was recovered on / / .Apolice investigation had gone 
underway in a wooded, rural area located in southern Kansas!, due 
to several complaints from hikers of a harsh odor emanating from a 
one-story house that had been reportedly abandoned. An 
investigation of the house showed nothing unusual on the first story, 
and there were no signs of the house being inhabited. 


The police investigation team entered the basement, where five 
corpses in advanced stages of decomposition were found around a 
circular table. Four of the five corpses were restrained and shackled. 
SCP-2294 was found on the table, reportedly speaking, but was not 
loud enough to be heard. 


Reports of a speaking, disembodied hand quickly reached the 
Foundation, and a recovery team was dispatched to the area. 
Amnestics were administered to those involved, and SCP-2294 was 
recovered. A note was also recovered from the police team 
database that had been found in the basement (located at the end of 
this document). A thorough investigation by Foundation personnel 
revealed no other anomalous objects or activity in the basement. 
DNA testing identified the four restrained individuals, but showed no 
relation in genetics or demographics. These four were confirmed to 
be kidnapping victims. The fifth remaining individual has yet to be 
identified. 


Autopsies of the bodies revealed no anomalous properties of the 
corpses, and showed the four identified individuals had died from 
severe cerebral hemorrhaging, and the unidentified individual had 
been killed by a shotgun wound to the chest. The house where 
SCP-2294 was recovered is currently under surveillance by the 
Foundation. Reports of the house being entered by any person are 
to be relayed to Foundation personnel immediately for investigation. 


Inthe over hours of auditory recording the Foundation has of 


SCP-2294, it has never mentioned this incident, why it was found 
there, or how (if at all) it is related to what events may have 
happened there. SCP-2294 does not acknowledge questions about 
the topic when interviewed. 


+ Note found at location of recovery 


If you want to make beautiful music, you must play the 
black and the white notes together 


Footnotes 
1. This area is a known active area forGol-113. 


« SCP-2293 | SCP-2294 | SCP-2295 » 


SCP-2295: The Bear with a Heart of Patchwork 


Item #: SCP-2295 
Object Class: Safe 


Special Containment Procedures: SCP-2295 is to be kept in a 
standard containment locker within Storage Wing-25 in Site-37. 


Personnel with Level 3 or higher security clearance are authorized 
to perform tests on SCP-2295 after filling out the appropriate 
paperwork. Please contact Dr. Gergis if required access to 
SCP-2295 is expected to exceed twenty-four (24) hours. 


Description: SCP-2295 is a patchwork stuffed bear, approximately 
0.46m from 'head' to 'foot,' and stuffed with synthetic fiber and 
cotton. SCP-2295 has a small, anatomically correct pin of a heart on 
the left side of its thorax, and a bow wrapped around its neck. The 
fabric and color of SCP-2295's patches vary. Tests confirm that no 
components of SCP-2295 contain any anomalous chemical 
properties. 


SCP-2295 enters an active state when within two (2) meters of a 
human sustaining major trauma to an organ. When in the proximity 
of two or more possible subjects, SCP-2295 will invariably choose 
the youngest subject. SCP-2295 will anomalously produce scissors, 
white thread, and either sewing needles or a crocheting hook from 
its mouth and use any fabric and stuffing in close proximity! to 
fashion an instance of SCP-2295-1, a patchwork imitation of the 
subject's organ. SCP-2295-1 vanishes from sight and the subject 
falls into a state of unconsciousness. SCP-2295-1 instances then 
replace the subject's damaged organ via anomalous means. The 
whereabouts of organs replaced this way are undetermined. 


If there is no usable material in close proximity, SCP-2295 will use 
fabric and stuffing from itself. SCP-2295 regenerates one (1) gram 
of stuffing every day until completely replacing any lost or used 


stuffing. Note that fabric used this way does not regenerate, and 
additional fabric must be placed near SCP-2295 for the purpose of 
self-mending. 


Instances of SCP-2295-1 successfully carry out their respective 
functions despite the numerous expected biological, chemical, and 
medical incompatibilities. Once within the subject, adjacent tissues 
and veins attach to the imitated organ without observable 
complications. There have been no cases of rejected SCP-2295-1 
instances, and all subjects recorded at the time of writing made full 
recoveries. 


Test Log-2295 


Testing approved to test the limitations of SCP-2295. Materials 
provided within testing chamber. 


+Test Log 


Subject: D-2353, 38 years old 

Diagnosis: Lungs heavily damaged as a 
result of twenty-five (25) years of smoking 
Notes: SCP-2295 creates SCP-2295-1 using 
one (1) black textile swatch and one (1) red 
textile swatch. New ‘lungs’ act at a capacity 
similar to those of healthy adult lungs. 


Subject: D-3452, 50 years old 

Diagnosis: Frequent heart palpitations and 
severe atherosclerosis 

Notes: SCP-2295 crochets SCP-2295-1 using 
various surrounding yarns. SCP-2295-1 
observed to have a heartbeat before 
vanishing. Transfer successful - how 
SCP-2295-1 manages to perform function 
despite absorbent properties of material and 
multiple gaps in design is unknown. Symptoms 
no longer present in subject. 


Subject: D-7894, 24 years old 
Diagnosis: First and second degree burns 


Subjects described the paste as "devoid of any taste", and left 
subjects appearing emotionless and slow-witted. Chemical analysis 
has found the paste to be low in fat and LDL cholesterol, as well as 
containing all necessary vitamins and minerals, including several as- 
of-yet unidentified chemicals. 


Money entered: 100 yen 

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered 

Item description: "DRINK". 12-0oz aluminum drink can. Label is 
similar to the "FOOD" can: all white with nothing but the word 
"DRINK" in black letters. Liquid inside was colorless, odorless, and 
has a viscosity lower than water. Subjects who ingested "DRINK" 
became more open to suggestion, with subservience increasing as a 
direct function of the amount of "DRINK" consumed. Research into 
the long-term effects of the "DRINK" is being investigated. 


Money entered: 300 yen 

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered 

Item description: BEEF! Aluminum can, similar to a soup can. In 
formatting, package appeared similar to a normal can, but all text 
was the word "BEEF!”. Can contained pinkish meat, which was 
revealed to be uncooked beef. No abnormalities detected. 


Money entered: 300 yen 

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered 

Item description: “Mint Fish”: Plain paper envelope, dual packaging 
in Russian and Navajo. Package contained unidentifiable light green 
powder. When added to cold water, powder immediately formed into 
the shape of a small goldfish, same color as the powder. This 
wriggled in the water and proved difficult to catch, similar to a living 
fish. The creature stopped moving only when removed from the 
water and terminated by a guard. Described as difficult to chew and 
ultimately unpleasant. 


Money entered: 300 yen 

SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Powered 

Item description: “TASTE ME”: A transparent plastic box 
containing a single slice of white cake. No ingredients or information 
other then the title were listed. Item was tasted by a class-D 
personnel, who, after consuming the product, immediately went into 


ranging throughout upper torso, left lateral, 
and right leg. D-7894 sedated during testing. 
Notes: SCP-2295 sews two (2) 5m x 5m 
sections of patchwork fabric. SCP-2295 cuts 
appropriately sized swatches and manually 
places one layer onto subject's affected areas, 
creating multiple instances of SCP-2295-1, 
and then repeats this process. The created 
SCP-2295-1 layers act as dermis and 
epidermis and, upon recovery, D-7894 claims 
to have retained feeling in replaced 'skin’. 
Subject makes a full recovery. 


Subject: D-2723, 18 years old 

Diagnosis: Cerebral hemorrhaging