Russel: spc-—682? Well, he was pretty shark- 
like to begin with, so | can't imagine how he'd 
be worse off. 


Maggie: Well, he should be around the next 
corner and down a ways, | say we go pay him 
a visit. 


[The team continues uneventfully for several 
minutes through the darkened corridors, 
ending at SPC-682's holding cell. Adrian 
punches in his access codes, and the door 
opens. A deafening buzz emanates from within 
the chamber. ] 


Russell: Oh... 


[The entirety of the room's interior appears to 
be filled with monochromatic scenes of war- 
time reel footage, played at 1.5x speed. 
SPC-682 is seen hovering in the air several 
feet from the team amidst this backdrop. Its 
appearance is that of an disturbingly hyper- 
realistic cartoon goblin shark. It makes no 
movement, but appears to stare at the team 


intensely as a loud, grinding drone echoes 
within the chamber.] 


Adrian: [weeps hysterically] 
Segal: [high-pitched shriek] 
Maggie: Its staring into my soul! 
Russell: Fuuuuuuck!!! 


[The squad retreats down the hall towards an 
emergency exit and leaves the Arena, 
screaming the entire way. The rest of the 
recording is filled with unintelligible screams 
and cries as they await MTF Alfalfa-2's return; 
at which point, they settle down. The decision 
is then made to travel to Arena-19 to 
determine its status.] 


Exploration Round 3. Codename: Stargate 


Mission Rules: Travel to Arena-19, to 
hopefully find pugilists or entities unmarred by 
selachian influence. 


In the red corner: Four members of Mobile 
Task Fist Betta-12. Four members of Mobile 
Task Fist Alfalfa-2 ("Heavyweight Sink-Bait") 


In the blue corner: SPC-2935 
<Round Three> 


[Presumably due to distance from baseline, 
video feeds from the team degrade to the point 
of uselessness - audio contact is lost with all 
but Adrian. ] 


Adrian: Are we there yet? 
Adrian: How much longer? 
Adrian: | need to pee. 


[Comments such as this continue in ten-minute 
intervals for the next several hours - edited for 
sanity.] 


Adrian: Right, | should be able to...there. 
Adrian: Yea, it is pretty spooky down here. 


Adrian: Open it? Yea, | can — hold on. 
Plaque says: 'SPC is a spectral selachian entit 
—' oh, screw you, Segal! 


Adrian: Uhh, let's try this way. 


Adrian: No, | think it's actually... yea. See? It's 
fine you guys, you can clench your fists. 


Adrian: Yea. Give me a second. I'll catch up 
to you guys. 

Adrian: No, it didn't say 'Armed'’, it said, um, 
'Warmed'. When the propulsion system kicks 


in, it warms the whole Arena. Let's just keep 
looking around. 


Adrian: Jesus, this too? 

Adrian: [sobbing] 

Adrian: There's too many of them! 
Adrian: [screaming] 


Adrian: Yea? Well maybe if you pulled over 
and just let me pee we wouldn't be in this 
mess! 


Adrian: | think we lost them. 


Adrian: Hold on...looks like Coach sent a 
drone. Comon'! 


Adrian: This one should lead us out the back. 


[At this point, the feed cuts out completely.] 


Exploration Round 4. Codename: Thunderbolt 


Mission Rules: To assess the status of the 
exploration team. 


In the red corner: One fist-equipped 
automated drone powered solely by selachian 
ichor. 


In the blue corner: Just...all the fucking 
sharks, you guys. 


<Round Four> 


[The drone departs from baseline. From the 
air, the full extent of devastation can be seen. 
All flora and fauna in the area possess shark- 
like features. The streets are littered with car 
accidents, with drivers still flopping around all 
silly-like in their seats. To the east, several 
sharknados tear across the county. 


The drone continues on for some time, 
occasionally engaging in pugilism against 
passing shawks, swarms of bumble sharks, 
and an unusually persistent shark paraglider. 
Eventually, the drone arrives at Arena-19, and 
pings the team. 


At dusk, the team arrives. Most of the 


members spread out and talk among 
themselves. Adrian approaches the drone, 
inserts collected samples, and begins to speak 
into the camera.] 


Adrian: Listen. | think | have everything 
figured out. There was this note that dead-me 
wrote before beating himself to death. It was a 
warning. He already went through this. He 
went into his own SPC-2935 from here and 
when he came back? Well, something stuck 
with him. 


It's... | don't - I'm certain of it. No one here's 
going to believe me, and if we try to head 
back... | can't bear to let it happen. I've got 
little sluggers back home! | can't let this 
happen to them! Any one of us could carry 
this, this thing back - let it do to our world what 
it did here. 


Or you know what? What if it's me? If other-me 
went into that cave and brought it here... then 
maybe I'm the vector? Maybe I'm Shark? 


At any rate, this place is rigged to blow. | can't 
take any chances. | can't live in a world of 
Shark. This will be my final action for the 
Centre - if | do this, maybe it will fix everything. 


Ah crap. It occurs to me... if you're going to 
retrieve this... 


You're Shark, too. 


Maggie: Hey! Who're you calling a shark? 


Russell: Not sure, but | heard him call himself 
a shark a minute ago... 


Segal: [cracks knuckles] 


Adrian: Guys? Stay back! Guys, please! Hey! 
No! 


[Everyone proceeds to beat Adrian senseless 
until everything just fucking explodes. The 
end.] 


Footnotes 

1.Most notably: 'Her Majesty's Foundation for the Shark Punchers of 
the Coast’ 

2.Which entails punching a little-girl shark in the face. Repeatedly. 
3.'Shark Tank' Was an American reality television series that invited 
entrepreneurs to present business ideas to a group of investors or 
‘Sharks', who would then choose whether or not close a deal. In 
baseline, the show lasted a single episode before it was raided by 
the Centre. All involved in its production were summarily pummeled 
to death. 

4.This footage has since been reproduced and circulated in a 
number of different montages, because it is certifiably badass. 
5.Tyson's team doesn't do anything aside from some nerdy 
computer bullshit, and the only thing punched is a keyboard, so their 


transcripts have been omitted. 


SCP-1D6-J: Gygax's Folly 


Item #: SCP-1D6-J 
Object Class: 


. Safe 

. Euclid 

. Keter 

. Safe, later promoted to Euclid once it exploded a guy's 
eyeballs 

5. Safe, later promoted to Keter once it exploded ten guys' 

eyeballs 
6. Double Keter 


RONDM — 


Special Containment Procedures: SCP-1D6-J is to be contained 
within: 


. a cardboard box 

. Standard 3m x 3m x 3m room 

. standard 3m x 3m x 3m room with a lock on the door 

. olympic pool full of vinegar 

. underground bunker guarded by a priest, a rabbi, and a 
cowboy 

6. its own pocket universe 


aRWN — 


Description: SCP-1D6-d is a: 


1. stone cube 

2. common household item 

3. big dog 

4. swarm of insects 

5. just some hobo 

6. conglomeration of body parts from at least three different taxa 


except that it is: 


1. extremely old and decaying 
2. brand spanking new 

3. alarmingly out of fashion 

4. 
5 
6 


warm to the touch 


. radioactive 
. Noneuclidian 


SCP-1D6-J was acquired from: 


. Dr. Bright's bathroom 

. suburban house, family now insane 

. holy temple, monks didn't like it 

. alternate future 

. real future 

. another universe, bad move in retrospect 


Attempts to destroy it have failed due to: 


akRWN — 


. didn't feel like it 

. it's indestructible 

. it regenerates 

. itis too cute to destroy 

. it destroys the scientists first 
6. 


[DATA EXPUNGED] all over people's faces 


Handling the SCP or being close to it leads to: 


ouahwoNhd — 


. hairy palms 

. intense feeling of paranoia 

. skin replaced with non-skin substance 
. hive mind formation 

. Disappearing Leg Syndrome (DLS) 

. heat death 


Research Log: 
Research attempted: 


1. threw rubber ball at SCP 

2. exposed it to open flame 

3. told a D-Class to tell his problems to SCP 

4. uttered list of power words between "G" and "M" 


Memo: In spite of the freedom afforded by being able to freely 
manipulate the laws of physics, it is important to recognize the many 
ways in which manipulations of these laws are deadly to human life, 
or nuclear matter in general. If you like having a body made out of 
atoms, | recommend the strongest caution in dealing with SCP-536. 
-Dr. 


« SCP-535 | SCP-536 | SCP-537 » 


5. drew a mustache on it with marker 
6. fed it to SCP-682 


Results: 


. strong smell of camphor 

. voices from beyond the membrane dictate shopping list 
. blood, blood everywhere 

. nothing much, but O5s told us to stop anyway 

. Site-22 destroyed 

. time now runs backwards, my bad 


ouahwah — 


Notes: 


. Don't feed it after midnight 

. Stop using this as a doorstop, you guys 

. All references to pop culture are strictly forbidden 

. Pretty sure it winked at me 

. Requests for better accommodation and some light reading 
rescinded 

. It speaks truth and we shall all join it on the black ship 


aRWN — 


(o>) 


SCP-1992-J: Hype Train 


Item #: SCP-1992 
Object Class: Keter 


Special Containment Procedures: If the existence of an 
SCP-1992-1 is confirmed, Foundation agents are to attempt to 
persuade passengers to disembark. Foundation personnel are 
advised to not board the train, regardless of how persuasive the 
arguments of the passengers are. 


Should Foundation personnel fail to keep an instance of 
SCP-1992-1 from crashing, MTF-Gamma-5 ("Red Herrings") are to 
secure the crash site, disseminate information concerning the crash, 
and identify all passengers. Survivors are to be taken to hospitals 
under Foundation control until release to their residency and given 
Class B amnestics. Cover stories are to be fabricated for the 
deceased at the discretion of MTF-Gamma-5. 


Description: SCP-1992 is a worldwide phenomenon focused 
around various forms of media including novels, music, movies, 
television programs, video games, comic books, and internet-based 
media. SCP-1992 physically manifests in the form of an autonomous 
passenger train, designated SCP-1992-1. Multiple instances of 
SCP-1992-1 are capable of existing at once. 


SCP-1992 events begin with the announcement of a piece of media 
that is met with widespread enthusiasm; a variable researchers have 
tentatively termed "hype." However, an instance of SCP-1992-1 will 
not manifest for every anticipated piece of media. It is unknown how 
exactly SCP-1992 selects its sources, though it it hypothesized it 
selects media that will cause the most damage. It is theorized 
SCP-1992-1 will only preemptively manifest to represent media that 
are met with a largely negative reaction upon release. If true, it is 
unknown whether SCP-1992 is able to predict the quality of 
upcoming media, or retroactively affects the source media upon 


manifestation or media release, as the creators of the media are 
often confused by the negative reception. 


Upon manifestation, individuals who hold interest in the relevant 
upcoming media are subject to a minor compulsion to board the 
train. SCP-1992-1 will disappear shortly after departing from the 
station. AS more people board the SCP-1992-1, the range and 
strength of the compulsion increases. Those aboard SCP-1992-1 
are theorized to subsist on "hype" rather than typical sustenance of 
food and water. 


Upon the media's release, the relevant SCP-1992-1 will manifest 
somewhere on a rail line in the media's country of origin. The 
SCP-1992-1 will travel at a velocity dependent on the total number 
of those who have boarded. It will continue along the rail line until it 
either arrives at the next station, or derails due to excessive velocity. 


Addendum: Notable Confirmed Manifestations: 


Media Type Release yeal Resuit 
Star Wars Movie 1999 Major damage 
Episode |: The upon derailment. 
Phantom Possible 
Menace retrocausal 
effect 


deteriorating the 
quality of the 
original trilogy. 
Those who 
survived appear 
to have been 
self- 
amnesticized, 
claiming the 
prequel trilogy 
never occurred. 


The Matrix Movie 2003 Upon 
Reloaded derailment, the 
train was 


subjected to an 
erratic temporal 


Sonic the 
Hedgehog 


Indiana Jones 
and the Kingdom 


Video Game 


Movie 


2006 


2008 


anomaly that 
caused it to 
randomly slow 
down for brief 
periods of time, 
colloquially 
"bullet time." 
After several 
rolls the train 
somehow 
managed to land 
back on the rails. 
It successfully 
reached the next 
station, where it 
exploded and 
killed everyone 
in the train and 
the station. 
Despite the only 
moderate 
amount of 
passengers, the 
train was able to 
spin upon 
derailment and 
accelerate to 
supersonic 
speed. Notably, 
several cars of 
the train were 
filled with 
thousands of 
insects and 
several 
kilograms of 
fecal matter. No 
survivors. 

Model of 
SCP-1992-1 was 


of the Crystal 
Skull 


Metroid: Other |MVideo Game 


2010 


severely 
outdated, but 
appeared to 
have been 
recently painted. 
An unidentified 
flying object, 
assumed to be 
part of the 
SCP-1992 
phenomenon, 
appeared to 
attempt to 
abduct the train. 
The UFO 
crashed into a 
water tower, and 
the train 
derailed, killing 
all inside. A 
single passenger 
was found 
several 
kilometers from 
the crash site, 
having 
apparently 
sought shelter in 
the train's 
kitchen 
refrigerator. He 
Was also dead. 
Although the 
instance of 
SCP-1992-1 was 
traveling at 
speeds much 
higher than is 
recommended, it 
did not derail for 


Duke Nukem 
Forever 


Video Game 


2011 


almost two 
hours. It was not 
until a male 
voice of 
indeterminable 
origin gave the 
train permission 
to crash that the 
train derailed, 
killing all its 
passengers. 
After almost a 
decade of 
inactivity, the 
relevant 
SCP-1992-1 
suddenly began 
manifesting 
again. Notably, a 
large gearbox 
had been 
installed on the 
engine car. 
Upon release, 
the train 
immediately 
accelerated to 
full speed. The 
horn sounded, 
blaring 
references to 
media long since 
irrelevant. Train 
crash caused no 
building damage 
due to the 
location of its 
derailment, 80% 
passenger 
mortality rate. 


Diablo III 


Video Game 


2012 


Unlike other final 
materializations, 
the relevant 
SCP-1992-1 
final 
materialization 
initiated with it 
pulling into the 
[REDACTED] 
train station. 
Passengers 
were asked to 
disembark and 
wait, due to 
"technical 
difficulties." 
Reports indicate 
that the train 
somehow did not 
have enough 
seats for the 
passengers. 
When it finally 
did depart with 
its passengers, it 
quickly derailed 
into a nearby 
auction house, 
and despite 
being off the 
tracks it was 
able to propel 
itself through a 
Sony building 
several 
kilometers away. 
Strangely, a high 
percentage of 
the passengers 
survived and 


Prometheus 


Half-Life 2: 
Episode Three!/ 
Half-Life 3 


Movie 


Video game 


2012 


N/A 


despite their 
complaints 
would board 
another train 
from the same 
engineers. 
Severe damage 
to the domestic 
area it derailed 
into. Reports 
indicate 
residents of the 
area could have 
avoided death if 
they had simply 
fled at an angle. 
SCP-1992-1 is 
unique in that it 
is the only 
steam-powered 
locomotive to 
date. Current 
estimated 
velocity upon 
release nears 
the speed of 
light. XK-Class 
Scenario 
hypothesized 
upon the release 
of the game. 


SCP-6327-J: [redacted for brevity] 


WARNING: CLOSE THIS WINDOW IN THREE MINUTES. IF YOU 
DO NOT, THREE MINUTES WILL HAVE PASSED, WHICH 
WOULD CAUSE UNPLEASANT THINGS TO OCCUR. THESE 
THINGS ARE VASTLY UNPLEASANT. You have been warned, 
and are heretofore barred from saying that you had not, in fact, 
been warned, which you have been. 


Item #: SCP-6327-J 


Other Aliases: SCP-SIX-THOUSAND-THREE-HUNDRED-AND- 
TWENTY-SEVEN-J, SCP-VMCCCXXVII-J 


Applicable Object Class: Euclid