You know what my favorite part of a roller coaster is? The climb. 
You're just inching your way up that hill, and you know that the 
terrible drop is coming soon. Riding with family is even better. | can 
see the tension building on their faces as you depart from the 
station. | love the clicky sound it makes as you go up and up and up 
and... Down... 


| feel gravity let go as you plunge down the first hill. My hair is in my 
face, and the skin on my face is stretched back. | open your mouth 
and let out a big scream, and then pull into a loop - eugh, whats all 
this in the air? It looks all red... What is this stuff? 


| don't really care anyways. We're going into the loop! Loops are the 
best part of any coaster. Especially when you sit in the front row. 
Man, the dudes in the front row aren't even putting their hands up. 
Everyone else does, why don't they? 


The second loop is even better. It has a really sweet banked turn, so 
you can see everyone on the coaster going nuts. And those guys in 

the first row are still being sourpusses, not even lifting a hand. They 

aren't even... They're not cheering or anything. 


No, that can't be true. It must have been a trick of the light. I'm okay, 
everyone is okay. People are still yelling with joy, the coaster is still 
on. Nobody is in danger. I'm okay. Time for the third loop of the ride, 
the cobra roll... Oh god. 


| have to get out of here. This isn't fun anymore, | have to get off. | 
can hear everyone screaming, but nobody is stopping us. Maybe it 
will stop, maybe it will be okay... Oh god, it's another loop... 


| can hear the people in the row before me crying. They're holding 
each other, crying and wailing... I'm not going out that way. | have to 
get out of this restraint. Why is it so tight? 


It won't let me off. 


One Trick Ponies 


MTF-Lambda-9, later known as the Foundation Animal Assets 
Division, was established in 1924, reached peak performance in 
1946, and has been significantly downsized since. As dissolution of 
the Foundation Animal Assets Division is currently under vote, a 
timeline of events, including excerpts from relevant documents, is 
assembled below. 


Part One: Creation (1924) to peak performance (1946) 


Alberts's Proposal | -023 | 01/07/1924 


CONTAINMENT DIFFICULTIES: The anomalous effects 
of SCP- affect any human beings who set eyes on it, 
touch it (whether direct skin contact is established or 
not), or attempt to disturb its position. The compulsion 
effect is currently irreversible. 
While containment is possible through the creation of a 
provisional site around SCP- , it is a constant drain on 
the Foundation's resources. Storage in a standard 
containment locker would be ideal, both due to the SCP- 
‘s small size and the fact that it is rendered completely 
safe when not directly observed or interacted with. 
Transportation into a standard containment locker is 
currently impossible. 


OBSERVATION: Birds in the areas surrounding SCP- 
do not appear affected by it. Limited testing done with 
brown rat (R. norvegicus) and canine (C. /. familiaris) 
subjects shows no anomalous effects on these species. 


PROPOSAL: A temporary mobile team is to be 
assembled. This team is to consist of one personnel 
member with /2 clearance, one outside animal training 
specialist, and between one and three members of any 


trainable animal species (C. /. familiaris is suggested due 
to abundance and ease of training). This team is to train 
non-human assets to aid in retrieval of SCP- . 


Proposal approved 02/03/1924 by Site Director 
MTF-Lambda-9 ("One Trick Ponies") created 
02/30/1924. 


"So... pick up a ball, put it into a bag, and carry the bag?" Ace is a 
little small for a Border Collie. He's got a big smile with a tongue 
lolling out and a couple broken teeth. His handler, Rose Emerson, is 
a tall woman. Her hair is pulled back into a tight, thick bun, and the 
clothes she wears are meant to get dirty. 


Agent Nelson isn't entirely sure about this. He still thinks a zoologist 
from the Foundation would have been better than a trainer. Aren't 
they supposed to know the behavioral stuff, anyways? Still, though, 
must be something either to the woman or the dog if she's the first 
one he's set to interview. 


"Yes. Can he do that?" His tone is short, and he does his best to 
match her unimpressed expression. 


"He's a stunt dog, honey. He's going to be in films." She cracks her 
knuckles. He doesn't call her bluff, just in case there's something to 
it. "He can pick up your ball, put it into your bag, and carry your 
bag." 


"Just one more thing — he's got to do it without you looking at him." 
He adds, glancing down from the woman to the dog. 


"That's just practice, then." 


Nelson petition, 04/30/1924 
Petition against action to retire MTF-Lambda-9 


MTF-Lambda-9, which currently consists of Ms. Rose 
Emerson (animal handler), "Ace" (dog), and myself 
(Andrew Nelson, Foundation agent) can contribute more 
to the Foundation than we have already. 


There is a multitude of uses for Ms. Emerson and Ace in 


the Foundation. Many SCP objects do not affect animal 
subjects, and Ace could be an asset in transportation, 
testing, and even neutralization of these objects. 


| hereby petition to outline the purpose and members of 
MTF-Lambda-9 to individual project heads and Site 
Directors before any action to retire us is taken. If any 
requests for use of MTF-Lambda-9 are made, we should 
not be retired. 


"I've got another audition with him tomorrow." She's brushing out his 
fur quickly and roughly, sending black and white wisps flying around 
the place. 


Agent Nelson lights his cigarette and takes a deep breath, "They call 
you back about your last?" 


"No. | think it's his teeth. It's because | let him chew on everything 
when he was younger." She leans back, taking a good look at him, 
and then gets back to brushing. 


"Well, | wouldn't give up." He offers, "I think we might not be done 
here." 


"Hm, | doubt it. | already got paid. And they were talking about giving 
me a... 'Class B?' You said that was paperwork?" 


"Yeah, that's paperwork." 


05/01/1924 

MTF-Lambda-9 reassigned to Project -04- ("Some 
Like It Cold"). Animal asset is useful in retrieval and 
containment of Anomalous Item-3244. 


"You know, you boys never told me what it is you're doing." 


"Need to know,' Rose, we've been over this," Agent Nelson hasn't 
often been on a first name basis with a woman who wasn't his sister. 


"| bet Ace knows. He gets this weird look in his eyes sometimes. | 
swear he'll start talking one day and spill all your government 
secrets. Butt me." 


He lights her smoke. She's joking, but for everyone's sake, he hopes 
it doesn't happen. The look Ace gets sometimes — he's a smart 
dog, that's for sure. 


07/03/1924 

MTF-Lambda-9 reassigned to Project -29- 

("Noodle Juice"). Animal asset assists retrieval of SCP- 
-1. 


"He can limp on command?" Andrew can't help a laugh. "Hold on, 
make him do it again." 


"You'll make my poor dog fat," Rose says, fondly, waving a piece of 
ham in the air. They've got an audience. Nearly the entire cafeteria, 
from Junior Researchers to Security Staff to the Site Director, are 
happy for the distraction. Ace is soaking it in — Andrew could bet 
he's performing for the attention nearly as much as for the meat. 


"How does he know that?" Someone to the left of Rose asks, as the 
dog repeats the trick. 


"| was training him to be in films," Rose says. "He's still gonna be, 
once this is over. Now, Oliver Twist, show 'em your dance..." 


01/10/1925: 

Agent Andrew Nelson reassigned to Project 03- 
("Bluenose"). It is believed that his skills are not being 
fully utilized on MTF-Lambda-9. Agent Peters is to take 
his place. 

MTF-Lambda-9, now with Peters as its head, is to be 
transferred to Site-19, and to work with SCP- 


"...| can't do that. He can't do that." Emerson glances down at her 
dog, and shakes her head again. "Look at him, what makes you 
think he can do that?" 


Mike Peters is an old man. He's worked for the Foundation his 
whole life, and he remembers almost half of it. He doesn't have the 
patience for this. "He's done everything fine when Nelson was 
heading this thing, he'll do it fine now." 


"Is this a joke? He's thirty pounds, at most. He's not some kind of 
guard dog, or police dog, or whatever it is you all want him to be 
doing... He can hop around on one foot or carry around a ball, but 
do you really think he's going to be knocking people down, you're..." 


03/11/1925 

MTF-Lambda-9 expanded: After failure in reaching 
mission objectives during work with SCP- __ due to size, 
breed, and temperament for animal asset, MTF- 
Lambda-9 is to be expanded to include multiple animal 
assets of larger size, taken from police animal stock. 


Due to unacceptable lapses in judgement during the 
project, Agent Peters is to be replaced with Agent 
McMillan. 


Emerson is to be reimbursed for costs of veterinary care 
and offered incentive to return to the team. 


She's careful as she's picking out the puppies. McMillan isn't even 
sure what she's looking for — every time he suggests one, she 
shrugs him off. 


"That one looks mean," He says, anyways, after a moment, "The big 
fat one on the bottom right." 


"Doesn't have it," She rises, finally, "That one's insecure. We need 
the one up over there, with the least black on it?" 


They'd wanted them to take all six, but Emerson insists that she isn't 
going to handle more than two at a time. She's trained a trick dog, 
and she's trained him well, but she's entirely out of her depth. 


They take back Penny and Paco. 


Ace doesn't like them, but she won't leave him at home. She says 
he gets anxious now, and that he'll be a help teaching them, 
anyways. He yelps every time they run over the stitches on his legs. 


She seems satisfied, every night, to leave them and take him home. 


05/08/1926: 


Magnetite acquired from the [REDACTED] badlands. 


Input: One (1) 1-kilogram chunk of magnetite, 50% iron 
content. 

Setting: Fine 

Output: One (1) magnetized 1-kilogram cube of 
magnetite, with a magnetic field strong enough to cause 
compasses up to 10 meters away to point directly at it. 


Input: Two (2) 1-kilogram chunks of magnetite, 50% iron 
content. 

Setting: 1:1 

Output: One (1) 1-kilogram chunk of pure iron, and one 
(1) 1-kilogram chunk of minerals revealed to have the 
same chemical composition as rock found in the 
[REDACTED] badlands. 


Name: Dr. Margeon 
Date: 25/5/201 
Total Items: Five (5) plush bears. 


Input: One (1) plush bear. 

Setting: Rough 

Output: A large mound of stuffing and torn-up fabric. 
Aforementioned fabric also had burns. 


Input: One (1) plush bear. 
Setting: Coarse 
Output: One (1) ball of stuffing wrapped in fabric of bear. 


Input: One (1) plush bear. 
Setting: 1:1 
Output: One (1) plush dog. 


Input: One (1) plush bear. 

Setting: Fine 

Output: Aforementioned bear is remade out of velvet, 
and is soft to the touch. 


Input: One (1) plush bear. 


MTF-Lambda-9 begins operation with two additional 
animal assets, trained to subdue humanoid threats. After 
successful work with SCP- __, personnel are trained to 
work with said assets, and they are permanently 
stationed at Site-19. 


"She doesn't listen to me," McMillan complains. Penny is still 
hopping around, the little leather training toy firmly in her mouth, 
"Drop it. Out." 


"It's out, not out," Emerson says, helpfully. Just her tone makes the 
dog drop it, immediately. "Pretend you're interrogating her. You boys 
do that, right?" 


"It's been a while." He hasn't been in the field condition for a long 
time. That's probably the reason he's on this team, too. 


05/24/1926 
MTF-Lambda-9 assists in retrieval of SCP- -02 and 
-04 through training of a fancy rat (R. norvegicus). 


Prey instincts, Rose thinks, are kind of weird to work with. 


She still doesn't understand what a government agency is doing 
trying to pull dolls out of a dollhouse, or what starts rattling inside 
whenever she sends a rat in, but she's learned to not to ask these 
things. She's got her own theories about what they're doing here, 
now. 


Pearl is darling, eager to please and happy to be pet, fur pretty and 
soft like a white mink coat. Rose has got her bringing back balls and 
even little rag dolls they provided for her, but she'll dash out, 
squeaking, every time the noises start coming. Most she's ever 
brought back has been one strand of orange string, long and wiry. 


Leave it up to Rose, and she'd let her have a litter and raise those 
rats around the little house, so they're used to the noise. Her 
bosses, though, seem to think that'll make them grow up weird, so 
she's shaking a tin of marbles by Pearl's ears. 


She's good, now, at working around their demands. When they were 


running attempt-014 and she saw something moving in one of the 
dollhouse's windows, she didn't say anything. She hears more, this 
way. Knows that the lab coats think cutting open the house will ‘kill 
it,, whatever that means. 


It's not her job, she's learned, to pry. Her job is to make the rat come 
inside the dollhouse and pull the dolls out. 


09/30/1926: 

Another team similar to to that established for SCP- is 
requested. Three additional canine assets are purchased 
for this purpose. 


10/01/1926: 

MTF-Lambda-9 expanded: One additional trainer is 
hired, in order to ensure ability to establish canine teams 
without sacrificing work in other areas. Agent Harrison, 
who possesses limited animal training experience, also 
joins the team. MTF-Lambda-9 now consists of Agent 
McMillan, three animal trainers, six canines, and a rat. 


"Well, we used a lot of dogs like that one," Harrison gestures over at 
Paco, "Little less well-bred. Had all kinds — sentry dogs, mercy 
dogs, messengers. And little ratters, of course, though that'd 
normally be some kinda terrier..." 


"You worked with them?" Rose leans in, chin resting in her hand. 


"After Jim got shot, yeah. Didn't know what | was doing, at first, but 
you learn. It threw me off how smart they can be. Had this one bitch, 
Topsy, sharp as a tack. | swear she could sniff it out when 
something was about to blow... Saved my life, once." 


"Is that when," Rose pauses, awkwardly. "Um. The arm?" 


"No, that was under the Foundation, already. Between that n' the 
war, I've got a lot a lot of stories." 


"I'd like to hear them." 


01/10/1927 
In order to deactivate SCP- without engaging its 


effects, a single chimpanzee is temporarily acquired. 
After some coaching, it is able to perform the task with 
no injuries or loss of life. 


04/03/1930: 

After SCP- has lead to the sinking of four different 
Foundation submarines, use of a trained dolphin is 
suggested for retrieval. 


Agent Nelson sees the bun before he sees the dog. Her back is to 
him as she's sitting in the cafeteria, absently shoveling food into her 
mouth. Some man sitting next to her reaches over to give Ace a pet 
on the head. 


"Rose?" He takes the seat next to her. He's not expecting to be 
remembered, but, immediately, Ace is wagging his tail, jumping up 
on him with his front legs. 


"Andrew?" She turns around, gives him a once over. He's surprised 
at how much she's aged. How long has it been? Let's see, must 
have been '24... 


"What are you doing here?" His hands glide over Ace's head, over 
where his right eye had used to be. The fur still soft and silky, even if 
the dog looks so different. 


"I'm training a dolphin. Queer thing, but bright." He had actually 
heard about that — they'd tried to build submarines that wouldn't 
need any personnel, first, but of course that hadn't worked out. 
"Where have you been, then, Andrew?"