Note: Following is a transcript of AIRU-33B 
member Agent Mackenzie Driscoll's debrief 
post-recovery of SCP-3315 to Site-55 Director 
Mahmoodah Agarwal. 


<BEGIN TRANSCRIPT> 


Director Agarwal: Alright, Agent Driscoll, if 
you would. 


Agent Driscoll: Okay- [clears throat] Agent 
Mackenzie Driscoll, Anomalous Items 
Recovery Division thirty-three-bee, May 
fifteenth, two-thousand and- 


Director Agarwal: Just- please describe your 
experience when you were recovering the 
object. For the record. 


Agent Driscoll: Ah, sorry. We don't really get 
anything this interesting, usually. Anyway, we 
were deployed to [REDACTED], some trailer 
park out there in the pine barrens, and Jacobs- 
Agent Jacobs- was on the job with me at the 
time. So we drove out there and started poking 
around the unit. Jacobs was the first to notice 
something off about the place, | mean it was 
cold. Like, we stepped into the trailer and it just 
felt wrong. Not in a bad way, mind you, but it 
was weird. 


Director Agarwal: Care to go into more 
detail? 


Agent Driscoll: Well, | first noticed the smell. 


It was frigid in there, and it smelled like we 
were outside. Like, | could taste the snow in 
the air almost. It was refreshing, but we were 
not dressed for the cold, and everything in the 
trailer was damp. Jacobs saw the pick after a 
minute or so and he reached for it, barely lifted 
the thing off the ground before he just up and 
vanished. The next thirty minutes were a bit of 
a blur. | radioed in that Jacobs had gone 
missing and | remember that Site Command 
was in a bit of an argument about whether or 
not to dispatch a more, uh, trained group 
before | heard Jacobs yelling from inside the 
trailer. 


Director Agarwal: And what did you do then? 


Agent Driscoll: | went back inside, of course. 
Jacobs was young. Not his first roundup but 
this was something different. He was shivering 
and sobbing, and | just held him until the rest 
of 'em showed up. He was going on about the 
cold and the endless snow, babbling like a 
baby but otherwise unharmed. The pick was 
right there next to him and | knew not to touch 
the damned thing. A little while later more 
recovery agents showed up, Abernathy and 
Pierce, and | warned them not to touch it 
either. They got some tongs and put the pick in 
a plastic bag and we brought it onsite. 


Director Agarwal: Thank you, Agent Driscoll. 
That about covers it. 


Agent Driscoll: No problem, ma'am. 
<END TRANSCRIPT> 
Addendum-3315-B: Exploration Logs for SCP-3315-1. 


« Access Exploration Log 3315-1-A 


Exploration Log 3315-1-A 

Time: 11:23 GMT, 09/06/02 

Subject: D-85748 

Supervisors: Agents Langstaff and Wyatt, 


switching shifts every 12 hours. 


Notes: Subject was equipped with a two-way 
earpiece and an Osprey-52 Variant extreme 
environment pack. 


<Begin Log> 


Subject is instructed to activate earpiece and 
approach SCP-3315. 


Agent Langstaff: Alright, can you read me? 
D-85748: Yeah. Loud and clear. 


Agent Langstaff: Great, please proceed to 
pick up the object in front of you. 


D-85748: Right. 


Subject bends over and grabs SCP-3315, and 
disappears from testing area. 


D-85748: Holy hell. 


Agent Langstaff: Please describe your 
surroundings. 


D-85748: Fuck this, | don't like heights. 


Agent Langstaff: Please try and be more 
descriptive of your surroundings. 


D-85748: Okay, well, I'm in the middle of 
nowhere. There's snow and ice and it is windy 


SCP-426: | am a Toaster 


Item #: SCP-426 
Object Class: Euclid 


Special Containment Procedures: | am to be sealed in a chamber 
with no windows through which | may be viewed. The door to my 
chamber must have a label completely unrelated to my designation 
or identity, in order to prevent unintended spread of my primary 
effect. Only Level 3 and above personnel are to know of my 
presence, and particularly of my properties. Assigned personnel are 
to be rotated out on a monthly basis to prevent contamination by my 
secondary effect. Psychiatric evaluation is mandatory at the end of 
the month. If personnel are deemed unaffected, they may be re- 
assigned to me no less than four months after their last rotation with 
me. Any affected personnel are to be given a Class C amnestic and 
transferred to a different site. 


Description: Hello, | am SCP-426. | must be introduced this way in 
order to prevent ambiguity. | am an ordinary toaster, able to toast 
bread when supplied with electricity. However, when any human 
being mentions me, they inadvertently refer to me in the first person. 
Despite all attempts, there is yet to be a way to speak or write about 
me in the third person. When in my continuous presence for over 
two months, individuals begin to identify themselves as a toaster. 
Unless forcibly restrained, these people will ultimately harm 
themselves in their attempts to emulate my standard functions. 


| was discovered in the home of the family after the gruesome 
deaths of three of its members. | had been given to the younger Mr. 
and Mrs. as a wedding gift. No card or any other identifying 
markings had been found on my box. Approximately two months 
after the family received me, fire crews were dispatched to the home 
due to an electrical fire. The younger Mrs. died from the 
electric discharge that she had caused when attempting to devour 
an electric socket. The other two victims had died shortly before the 


as agh- shit! 
Agent Langstaff: D-85748, are you alright? 


D-85748: Yeah- Yeah | almost slipped but I'm 
alright. It's something beautiful out here. 
Whew. Its gotta be well under freezing. This 
suit is one hell of a wonder alright- [muffled 
noises] okay, which way should | go? 


Agent Langstaff: Please check your attached 
compass. 


D-85748: [shuffling] uh, no good. The pin is 
spinning constantly around. Any ideas? 


Agent Langstaff: Do you see any identifying 
landmarks? 


D-85748: Nothing, but | see some higher 
peaks, in the distance, maybe | should just 
follow that then? Have a good look around? 


Agent Langstaff: Good idea, please proceed. 


Sounds of wind and shuffling can be picked up 
for several minutes. 


D-85748: Alright, | think | see some trees in 
the distance. Nothing much else. 


Subject proceeds in this manner for some 
time, until 14:40, where loud sounds of 
scraping and movement can be heard. 


D-85748: Fuck! Ah- ah- | can't- [muffled] -help 
me! [sounds of struggle and a sharp whine in 
the microphone can be heard] - Agh. Okay. 
Okay. 


Agent Langstaff: D-85748, are you alright? 


D-85748: Yeah, but I'm stuck. Some snow 
moved and, I'm caught underneath. Oh god. 
You have to send someone to help me. 


Agent Langstaff: I'm sorry, but that is not 
possible at this time. Can you dig yourself out? 


D-85748: Ah, let me try. Okay - [strains] 
More movement and stuggling is heard. 


D-85748: No, | can't get out, and | think I'm 
stuck for serious. 


Agent Langstaff: Okay, don't panic. We are 
going to talk you through this. 


Agent Langstaff remains in contact with 
D-85748 for the remainder of his shift, 
instructing him on how to conserve his body 
heat while aiding him in melting snow for 
drinking. Soon after, Agent Wyatt takes over. 


Agent Wyatt: Hey, D-85748. This is Agent 
Wyatt. So, | don't know if this is good news for 
you, but you aren't going to die like this, 
especially not by thirst. 


D-85748: [exhales] -Well that isn't helping me 
right now. | still feel it, the pain. And I'm so 
goddamn hungry. It's so cold. 


Agent Wyatt: Don't worry, we will get through 
this. 


D-85748: [chuckles] Yeah, | will persevere. 


Agent Wyatt: Hey- [coughs] yeah, that's it. 
Have you still got your pick? 


D-85748: Huh? Oh- yeah look at that. Its half- 
buried next to me. 


Agent Wyatt: See if you can get yourself out, 
okay? 


D-85748: Urgh, let me try. 


Sounds of movement are heard, followed by a 
large groaning sound, likely more snow 
displacing. 


D-85748: Huh, what- Agh, shit. Fuck! 


Noises of movement grow louder until 
D-85748 is no longer decipherable. 


D-85748: [Muffled screaming] 


Contact with D-85748 is lost several minutes 
later. After four hours, Subject reappears in 
testing area with SCP-3315. Audio recording 
equipment determined to have failed due to 
moisture short-circuiting the equipment. 
D-85748 is inspected and found to be 
physically healthy and is prepped for further 
testing. 


« Access Exploration Log 3315-1-B 
Exploration Log 3315-1-A 
Time: 21:15 GMT, 09/08/02 
Subject: D-85748 
Supervisors: Agents Langstaff and Wyatt, 


switching shifts every 12 hours. 


Notes: Subject was equipped with a two-way 
earpiece and an Osprey-52 Variant extreme 
environment pack, as well as a small digital 
camera. 


<Begin Log> 


Subject is again instructed to retrieve 
SCP-3315, which is accomplished with some 
effort. 


D-85748: Alright, so here | am again. 
Somewhere else, and- oh, | can see the same 
ridge. Looks like I'm on the opposite side of 
where | was before. A bit. 


Agent Langstaff: Please continue your ascent 
up the mountain. 


D-85748: Here we go. 


Subject is heard climbing for the next sixteen 
hours. 


D-85748: [Huffs] | just made it up the top of 
one of the bigger ones. Oh, wow, this is just 
picturesque, let me take a pic.3 


After a moment, subject proceeds to traverse 
the next highest ridge. Subject pauses after 
the fifth hour. 


D-85748: I'm at the next cliff, but this looks 
pretty sheer. There's a crag here that goes 
down pretty far -[pause]- | can't see the 
bottom. Uh, lets try going up. 


Audio feedback registers movement as 
D-85748 scales the side. Several minutes 
pass before a loud cracking sound is heard. 


D-85748: Oh no- oh, oh- 


Microphone registers miscellaneous scraping 
sounds and background noise. 


Agent Wyatt: You alright over there? 


D-85748: [Panting] -I'm holding onto a ledge. | 
think it's going to give out -[grunts]- oh- 


Another large cracking sound is recorded, 
followed by some panicked vocalizations from 
D-85748. Loud scraping and several thuds and 
groans are picked up over the next several 
seconds as D-85748 presumably falls off the 
side of the cliff. 


D-85748: Agh, I- | think | broke my fucking leg- 
w-what? What the fuck? What the fuck is this? 


Agent Wyatt: What is happening? 
D-85748: [sobbing] 


Agent Wyatt: D-85748, please report your 
status. 


D-85748: |- | fell into the crag- It- Its- full of 
bodies. They're frozen. They-They're cracked 
like porcelain- fuck- [sobs] 


D-85748: Fucking hell, this is- this- 
Agent Wyatt: D-85748? 


Contact with subject is maintained for the next 
few hours before expiration, presumably due 
to shock. D-85748 reappears in testing area 
unharmed. 


« Access Exploration Log 3315-1-C 
Exploration Log 3 
Time: 15:48, 9/10/02 
Subject: D-85748 


Supervisor: Agent Wyatt and Agent Longstaff, 


who switch shifts every 12 hours. 
Equipment: Two-way earpiece, and similar 


Osprey-52 variant extreme condition suit, and 
one hiking pole. 


<Begin Log> 


Subject starts at Site-55, experimentation 
hangar. 


Agent Wyatt: Alright. Can you hear me? 
D-85748: I- | can. Let's just get this over with. 


Subject obtains SCP-3315 and the test 
proceeds as prior. Subject continues on for an 
hour. 


D-85748: | can see some footprints here. This 
path is a bit less treacherous than last. | wish | 
had seen this before. 


D-85748 proceeds unhindered for the next 
twelve hours. 


D-85748: There's something at the top of this 
peak. It looks like- shit- It looks like a cabin. 


Agent Langstaff: Please continue and report 
anything unusual. 


Subject does not respond and climbs for 
another three hours. 


D-85748: Okay, I've made it. Finally. Fuck you, 
mountains. 


Subject is heard breathing deeply. 


D-85748: There's a house up here. It looks- 


well, it's rustic but it will do. No light inside. 


D-85748's footsteps are heard to change from 
snow to something hard. 


D-85748: This place is well made. Door's 
unlocked- hello? 


Microphone picks up silence and background 
noises for several seconds. 


D-85748: No one is home. It looks lived in, 
though. Some candles here- let me light them 


up. 
Silence for fifteen seconds. Subject is heard 
sighing. 


D-85748: And | said, let there be light. 
[chuckles] 


Subject is heard moving, the sounds of wind 
can be heard blowing outside. 


D-85748: And look at this, potatoes, canned 
goods- someone really wanted to make 
themselves at home here. 


D-85748: This place is actually quite nice. One 
small prize, but a prize nonetheless. 


Agent Langstaff: Don't get too comfortable. 
Investigate the rest of the house, D-85748. 


D-85748: Don't you think | deserve some rest? 
[sighs] Fine. 


More sounds of movement can be heard. The 
cabin creaks under pressure from the winds. 


D-85748: There's a bedroom here. Small bed, 
probably made for one or two. Little nightstand 


too, let me check the drawer- oh. 
Agent Langstaff: What is it? 
D-85748: There's a note. And- And a gun. 


Agent Langstaff: A gun? What does the note 
say? 


D-85748: A revolver. It looks old. It's loaded. 
The note reads- [clears throat] 'O wanderer, 
found atop these icy peaks, climb the bodies 
broken over perseverance's knee. May your 
stay be as well and rested as you so choose to 
be, for you and only you now are the one who 
sets you free.’ 


Silence for five seconds. 


Agent Langstaff: D-85748, please exit the 
house. 


Subject does not respond. 


Agent Langstaff: D-85748, follow the 
command or you will face repercussions upon 
your return. 


D-85748: You know what? No. Screw you. 
Screw you and screw your whole Foundation. 
I- | climbed this mountain, this place- | 
conquered it! | fucking broke bones to get to 
the top of this place. Now that I'm here, | 
understand. The ridges weren't meant for you. 
They're meant for me. 


Agent Langstaff: |'m sorry, but what do you 
mean by that? 


D-85748: What | mean is that you can go fuck 
yourselves, I'm staying here. 


At this point, subject removes earpiece and 
ceases contact with Agent Langstaft. 
SCP-3315 is reported missing and D-85748 is 
considered MIA. 


Following Exploration Log 3315-1-C, SCP-3315 does not 
reappear in Site-55 for three years, six months and 
twelve days. D-85748 and SCP-3315 are both 
recovered, and D-85748 is promptly terminated upon his 
arrival and subsequent interrogation. 


Footnotes 

1. It is to note that the white spacing between letters is intentional. 
2. However, subjects have been noted to report symptoms of such 
things without dying firsthand from it. 

3.See attached image. 


SCP-3316: The Grand Spectacle 


Item #: SCP-3316 
Object Class: Euclid 


Special Containment Procedures: A process of disseminating 
false medical data relating to the occurrence of eye injuries in 
Guttenberg, New Jersey, is to be carried out on a regular basis. 


Individuals reporting SCP-3316 events or the movement of 

SCP-3316 affected eyes are to receive a level 3 amnestic to prevent 
public knowledge of SCP-3316. Travel by Foundation personnel to, 
from and through Guttenberg, New Jersey, is to be regulated by the 
SCP-3316 project head. 


Description: SCP-3316 is an event which occurs in the city of 
Guttenberg, New Jersey. At 1:43 AM, approximately 3.4% of the 
city's sleeping population will experience spontaneous enucleation 
of one or both eyes. This removal is involuntary, painless, and 
occurs without the knowledge of the affected individual. A significant 
section of the optic nerve will also be freed during this process. The 
eye will not experience necrosis once removed from the body, 
though it is vulnerable to damage during the event.