The muscly man rolled his shoulders and entered an inquisitive, 
formal stance in his seat. "Any statements you'd like to make before 
we begin?" 


"Two. You look odd." 
"| get that a lot." 


"| mean, I've seen a lot of weird people — where | come from, weird 
is normal! Or, no, sorry, where | come from normal is normal, where 
| went after that weird is normal, and now I'm kind of in a new place 
where I'm unsure what's weird and not. Still, I've never seen weird 
like you." The tiger-pallet-toting man attempted to interlock his 
shaking fingers, but each time he did his whole body jolted and his 
hands pulled away from each other. Eventually, he let his shaking 
arms rest on the table, convulsing a couple times before finding a 
position that didn't make his body stab with pain. "Do you see the 
whole world upside-down?" 


"No." 


"That's good to know. That would be disorienting. That would be real 
unfortunate, but then again, if you've always been like that then how 
would you know if you saw everything upside-down? It would be 
your normal. Heh, there's that word again! Normal. | have a weird 
relationship with normal. It's never really sat well with me. Heh, 
heheh, okay, I'm sorry, now /'m getting weird. Or, was | already? 
Still, sorry, I'll shut up about it.” 


"Okay, now —" 


"Wait! You said two state — sorry, you said 'any statements' and | 
said 'two'. Got confused there. Regardless, I'm sorry, | have a 
second statement. Can | say it?" 


"Go ahead." 


"Okay, this one's a bit long. Hi! I'm, uh, okay, | really liked your 
show! | mean, | didn't really get to see a lot of it, but it sure left it's 
mark! Ha, heh, heheh, okay, sorry, but really! | saw you guys when | 
was really little and | never forgot it. | love you guys. | almost didn't 
know if you were real. Sorry! | landed in your tank! It was — it's just 
— | forgot to carry a two, and passing through dimensional borders, 
no matter how 'pocket' they are, is really tough and | haven't had 
much practice, so | thought | was just going to plop down and make 
my entrance backstage — ha! Like, that wouldn't work, you can't 
make an entrance backstage! You enter from backstage, that 
would've been... 


"Stupid, okay, | digress, thank you for saving me! | know you guys 
don't always... do that. | think, at least, from what I've heard, not like 
it deterred me! | like you guys... a lot... okay, so, could you please 
send my apologies to that mermaid lady? She was really pretty, tell 
her she's pretty for me, could you do that? I'm sure she gets that a 
lot, uh, maybe don't say that. | might tell her myself. Actually scratch 
the apology thing too, I'll say sorry when | see her. She'll probably 
slap me... | think girls slap guys, right? I've seen it happen. On 
television. Maybe | shouldn't get all my lessons on television. I'm 
rambling! | tend to do that — 


"Oh! Yeah! /. / am... Smarty Marty! Uh, ta-dah! I've been a... a fan 
of you guys for a very long time — crepe, | don't know how long you 


guys live, | might have, uh, for me it's a long time, | saw you when | 
was real little and now I'm... thirty... something. Isn't that weird? I've 
just, | haven't kept track of birthdays for a long time. |... | don't like 
them. | digress! Again! |, uh, you must be wondering about me! 'Who 
is this guy and why is he rambling at me?’ Ha! Haha, heheh, 
heheheh, okay, uh, I'm Smarty Marty Simmons, or just Smarty, or 
Marty, but you can call me Marty Simmons — other way around... 
there were three terms, not other way around, but you get it! | 
worked at Wondertainment, and | didn't like it there, so here | am! | 
just, uh, | told them sayonara! and took my stuff — er, no | didn't, | 
just left. Then and there. | was done with their bull, bull, uh, bull 
honky, and | wanted out, and | didn't know where to go — except | 
did, and it was the circus, and here | am! I've always loved face 
paint and theatrics, so | thought I'd... | thought, uh, I'd thought | fit 
right in, but maybe I'm wrong... I'll..." 


He broke from his broken flailing (clearly there was supposed to be 
more physical emphasis throughout his impromptu speech, but 
every time he tried his eyes widened and he went back to his 
previous position) and looked around the room, making sure not to 
bend his neck in any way that would send him into spasms. "I'll, uh, 
I'll shut up is what I'll do. | talk a lot. | should stop that." 


Manny glowered at the ambitious young soul, waiting patiently to 
make sure he was definitely entirely completely done with his 
speech. Once that was clear, he straightened up and breathed deep 
to prepare for his speech. 


"Wait!" 
All Manny could do was look at him. 


"Uh, you said statements, not questions — I'll make it short. Look, 
do you guys have a stress ball anywhere? | just, | think better when | 
have a stress ball in one hand, and uh, well it relieves stress, you 
know? Haha, okay, yeah. That would be nice, if you could." He 
cleared his throat, and looked to see that no one was going 
anywhere to fetch him any sort of anything. "Okay, okay yeah, I'm 
uh, I'm done. Please, talk away." 


Manny took his second deep breath, held it for just a second to 


« SCP-627 | SCP-628 | SCP-629 » 


make absolutely, positively, one hundred percent sure that Marty 
wasn't going to talk again... and then he spoke. "From 
Wondertainment, you say? Anything you worked on?" 


"Um... no... |, no, unfortunately. | grew up in Wonder World! Tee 
emm and my momma supported me so | was admittedly a lazy bum 
and never figured out why | should get a job until she, uh..." The 
man shook a little harder for just a second or two. "She passed. She 
was beautiful. Best mom | or anyone else could have ever hoped 
for. Raised me right! Heh, for the most part. | might have been the 
teensiest bit spoiled... 


"But anyways! She died and | couldn't couch surf for long before 
people got tired of me mooching off of them, so | looked up at that 
big tower and thought ‘Alright Marty! You're gonna go in there and 
get a gosh darn job!’ And uh, | did. | had a pretty plentiful portfolio 
and they couldn't not accept me. So | got in as a Toy Tinker — er, 
that is to say that | got into the Toy Creation Department." His breath 
got a bit more staggered now, and his right hand squeezed into fists 
in and out. "What made me leave was... on our first — my first, 
sorry. On my first, at? At my first toy idea presentation thingy | was 
accused of stealing somebody else's idea... it was this big dude, uh, 
big name in the department." 


The fellow sat up, visibly paining at the motion but unwilling to back 
away from his more serious stance. "This guy was my idol. He was 
what made me want to be in Wondertainment's arms in the first 
place. My everything. My... my star. | mean, | took my nickname 
from him — his name was Brainy. Brainy Brian." He pursed his lips 
and squeezed his eyes as if the name was difficult to say out loud. It 
was something akin to somebody mourning over the loss of an ex- 
lover, or a child realizing he would never be able to attain his dream 
of being an astronaut. "Brainy Brian Harding. | thought he was 
perfect. But he sat up, he sat up at the end of my presentation and 
said | was a phony. Said that | had blatantly stolen his idea, and I... 


"| had gotten a standing ovation for mine! | was clearly working, | 
was working my way into this world and this amazing community of 
friends and fellows and he just stands up and calls my, pardon if | 
sound like I'm bragging, but my spectacular first toy... the Grow-N- 
Know Piano Plant. He calls it a piracy. And he's... been around 


them so long that they couldn't... they all believed him! They didn't 
reprimand him at all, | saw him with his smug smiles that he hid 
behind their backs in his sideways glances at me and, and, and | 
couldn't take it! They punished me and sent him away on paid 
vacation due to an outbreak he had in the meeting... paid vacation. 
Paid vacation while | got dirt and a stern talking to. | wasn't having it. 
I, uh... Oh jeez, this sounds bad. I'm not usually a quitter! But | quit. 
Heh, I'm not usually a starter either, but | started, so that's a... 
start... 


"But hey, | put my foot down, and | quit and stormed out and | laid 
my foot down — | already said that, but that just soeaks volumes to 
the amount of confidence | did it with! | really put my foot down. That 
| did. Anyways, uh, | walked out and cried my little heart out and 
then | opened a portal, trying to go back to somewhere | knew and 
start over. It was a bit impulsive, but uh, | heard you guys like 
impulse here. Impulse and gut feelings. | didn't make the most 
flattering entrance, but | know you'll love me! I've always wanted to 
perform, | always wanted to be on stage and see the audience 
dance and wave and hoot and holler and yell and scream and... 
and... love me. Love me like no one person can, but exactly like a 
whole crowd could. In my emotional state | made a miscalculation, 
but that doesn't happen often with me. I'm, uh, I'm a math geek, I'm 
pretty good with it." 


Manny looked questioningly at Smarty Marty, scanning him up and 
down for any signs of wavering, feeling the internals and externals. 
Something felt fuzzy and unclear, like an object in his peripheral 
vision. The entire explanation looked like it had physically taxed the 
man, but to be fair just sitting up at that moment looked physically 
taxing. Still, Manny noted a hint of wet in Marty's eyes. Marty would 
have wiped it off if only he had the ability to effectively raise either of 
his arms. 


"And you want to perform?" 


"Yeah! Yes! Yes | do! | would love to, | wanna see the bright stage 
lights and dance and sing and amaze and —" 


Manny raised his hand to try and silence Smarty Marty, who stopped 
in his tracks and sunk slightly in embarrassment. 


"So you want to perform. Do you have any abilities?" 


"Yeah, I'm uh, | can make things — I'm a fast wit, I'm uh, I'm a social 
guy, I'm... good with kids. | am! | really am." 


"You're not a Freak, are you?" 


"A what? Well | would certainly hope not! I'm normal, I'm — no, I'm 
not, |, oh we've already had this talk. I'm absolutely positively not a 
freak, jeezums! What would... what would give you that impression? 
Oh gosh, do | really come off like a freak? Oh I'm so —" 


"Oh, stop it with that. We're talking about Freaks, capital F. When 
we're looking for acts, we're looking for Freaks. We've got 
magicians, mermaids, conjoined twins with a comedy routine, an 
armless guy that juggles, we've got Clowns galore with all types of 
horrific and amazing features. You seem like an average Joe. We 
don't look for average Joes around here." 


"An average —? Clearly | am versed in the odd and the — okay first 
I'm so sorry for misinterpreting freak, that was my bad, but come 
now! | broke a dimensional barrier, I've made toys for 
Wondertainment. Or, sorry, no, | tried to. Still, | was a Toy Tinker for 
a month there... I'm not an ‘average Joe' | assure you! | can be 
amazing, audacious, Wondrous with a capital W, | swear it! | swear 
it with all my heart and might that I'm no... no... I'm no Joe six-pack | 
swear!" 


Marty shook even more than he was before, wincing at the stinging 
his muscle tension caused. Manny looked disapprovingly at him. 
Marty wasn't a freak in any sense of the word, other than being 
unable to clearly and concisely communicate anything. However, 
one thing was clear and concisely communicated about him: he was 
extraordinarily motivated, and the circus adored "extraordinary". 
Marty looked desperately for a response from Manny, breathing in a 
way to suggest that he was about to speak but stopping himself 
each time. 


"You have three options. By the time you come out of intensive care, 
have an act idea ready. If the Ringmaster and | like it, you have 
another week to practice it and then show it off to us. If we like it 


then, you'll have a place on stage. If at either point you disappoint 
us, we send you back." 


"Second option?" 


"I'm not one to refuse an eager worker. If you want to be here that 
bad, I'll give you an in. You do the dirty work. Cleaning up, 
unclogging the toilets, milking the Clowns, you name it. All the 
menial labor, I'll Keep you around as long as you do it. That's your 
second option. Your third one is to leave now, go back to Wonder 
World and —" 


"Wonder World! Tee emm, you mean." 


"— you can keep doing the things you were doing there. Bumming 
around and getting a job and whatever." 


"Four options." 

"Hmm?" 

"There are four options. You missed one." 
"Oh did I." 


"You did. Let me propose a fourth option. | do your menial labor, 
sure. | can do that. I'm a motivated worker, most of the time, and | 
don't mind getting my hands dirty. Anymore, anyways. So | do that, 
I'll do it for free even, but | bet that | have a talent you're in need of." 


Manny raised (or lowered) his eyebrows at the sudden bold gesture 
from this altogether frail and pitiful try-hard. Staring into Marty's 
eyes, he gestured to prompt a continuation. This was an interesting 
move, he might not fully realize just how little power he held at this 
moment. 


"Alright, so, sure, | was in a lot of pain, but being carried out gave 
me a good view of your circus, and I'm just noticing something. 
You're a circus, and you don't, uh, you don't have a lot of rides. | 
mean, okay, you have some. They're kind of... Oh please forgive 
me if this sounds like an insult to your ride... designers, but they're 
uh, they're bland! Have you noticed that? | mean, think about it. 


You're at the forefront of entertainment, but acts are one-time things. 
You can only do them so many times, rides sit there and are ready 
for use whenever. You have to prepare for acts. And yet, you're all 
odd and crazy and you have such normal... such normal rides! You 
might expect them at your local fair! Like a, like a, like you just... 
bought... 


"Okay I'm getting carried away, | don't want to insult you, but | can 
make you rides. Heheh, heheheh, | can make you rides! | can make 
you rides that will have your MC&D, or your SCP, or heck, your 
GOC lining up for fancy free fun. Rides that tower and yet are 
portable. Rides that send you on trips through the whole circus, or 
the multiverse, or your own friggin’ head. | can make people switch 
bodies, even! I'm a, I'm a, or | will be a ride-making machine! I'd do 
menial labor in the meantime and spend late nights designing and 
building rides. I'll make rides. | can make you them. How's that 
sound?" 


Manny considered. In just the last week (only based on their clocks, 
days in the circus were variable) they had been forced to 
decommission a sky-high drop tower. It shot patrons up into the 
stratosphere, but it was ever so slightly inaccurate and they were 
forced to build a giant trampoline for it. It was quite the attraction. 
People weren't told that they were going to be blown off course and 
the extra thrill was exhilarating for first-time patrons. However, the 
trampoline was just one of those things that worked forever until it 
decided not to, and at that point they had a very disquieting 
trampoline-shaped mess to clean up. Ever since they lost Charley, 
the ride market they had was very low quality. The best they had 
was the Fun-lovers' Funhouse, but their domain wasn't quite a ride. 
At the very least it was a different experience. Shifting his attention 
back, the two each made eye contact and Smarty Marty gave a 
weak yet eager smile. 


"Ten days. You have ten days to make a schematic of a ride, and if 
it's not transportable, efficient, or most importantly fun, then you 
don't get to ask again. In the meantime, you're our janitor." Manny 
extended his right hand. "Deal?"