Special Containment Procedures: SCP-971 is to be kept in its 
labeled file folder and locked in file cabinet #26 in Site-19's file vault 
when not being used for testing. Keys to both the file vault and file 
cabinet #26 are held by onsite senior administrative members, and 
access to SCP-971 for testing is to be allowed only with explicit 
written permission from Level-4 personnel or higher. Due to 
potentially harmful environmental impact, testing of SCP-971 may 
not be scheduled more than once a week. Instances of SCP-971-1 
have no special properties other than their mode of delivery, and 
may be disposed of normally. 


Description: SCP-971 is an old and worn delivery menu printed on 
a standard sheet of 21.6 cm by 28 cm (8.5 by 11 inches) printer 
paper. The name of the delivery service is listed as Quik 'n Ready 
Mealz [sic]. No records of such a business exist, and the parent 
company named on the menu, [REDACTED], denies ownership of 
said food delivery service. The menu lists the company name, a 
phone number (1-800- -  ) and several different food items, each 
preceded by an item code. The food items are typical fast food 
items, including hamburgers, chicken sandwiches, chicken fingers, 
assorted seasoned fries and carbonated beverages (all 
[REDACTED] brand sodas). The menu features no pictures or 
prices of the food, and the typeface and design are both minimal 
and simplistic. 


When holding SCP-971 and calling the phone number listed, the 
caller will be sent to an automated menu system. (NOTE - calling 
the same phone number without holding the menu will send the 
caller to a help desk for [REDACTED] software. The phone number 
listed on the menu corresponds to that company's listed phone 
number for their help desk). The automated menu will prompt the 


tiedyeduck: noooooo nope 

gaycopmp4: apsodignooADFPOGIAODSGJO WHY 
IDD SOMEONE DRAW A GIINKNA OF YOUR DOG 
tiedyeduck: i'm not telling you 

harmpit: wehn i was 87 i thout my catw as a human inh 
iding and i kept kissin gitlike a frog tot urn her bakc 
bluntfiend: It's just an innocent request. What breed is 
it? Just so | can get a good visual in my head. 
CommunismAnarchismNihilism: PCSatisfactorio, it's 
like a humanized version of something. Usually as a cute 
girl. 

tiedyeduck: | regret everything 

hetcopogg: seriously what's the context here you can't 
just say "Someone drew a horny human girl version of 
my dog" and just leave it out there 

PCSatisfactorio: oh like a humanization except youre all 
weebs so you use the confusing word for it 

gaycopmp4: fgsfds 

tiedyeduck: it's a really long story okay like i wrote a 
thing and used her picture for it and the story got popular 
in japan blah blah blah 

polaricecraps: okay harmpit's thing is actually adorable 
can we talk about that? 

orbhorse: The real story here is that tiedyeduck is a 
nerd. 

tiedyeduck: hey hetcopogg lesbian_gengar just pmed 
me asking for a link to the pic 

hetcopogg: LOOOOOL 

lesbian_gengar: so what if i did? 

harmpit: thanks polaricecraps 

hetcopogg: yiff yiff motherfucker 

lesbian_gengar: dog girls are good and pure. 
tiedyeduck: this one ain't 
CommunismAnarchismNihilism: yiff 

PCSatisfactorio: it's weird to collect jerkoff material 
based on someone's dog 

bluntfiend: | actually kind of agree. 

harmpit: yiffyiff 

bluntfiend: Of course, | think porn in general is kind of 
weird. 


tiedyeduck: i just sent it to her 

tiedyeduck: like at the end of the day it's not a big deal 
lesbian_gengar: yeah this is basically porn. 

hetcopogg: YIFF 

hetcopogg: | 

hetcopogg: F 

TrainerDP: i wrote a script so that my computer won't 
open irc until its microphone picks up something that 
sounds like a dick getting sucked, goml 

hetcopogg: F 

tiedyeduck: i'm mostly just, reeling, that this is now a 
thing that has happened, in my life. 

TrainerDP: fuck, i was scrolled up, nvm 

bluntfiend: tiedyeduck, yeah, | definitely know that 
feeling. 

tiedyeduck: what 

tiedyeduck: like someone drew furry porn of your dog? 
gaycopmp4: thats definitely what hewas talking about. 
brilliant guess 

TrainerDP: furry porn who what 

bluntfiend: No, the "this is such a weird thing and now | 
have to live my life knowing that it's real." thing. 
bluntfiend: Like all that bullshit that just happened 
today. 

tiedyeduck: bruh you realize all of us can do magic 
hetcopogg: couf 

tiedyeduck: all the cool ones 

harmpit: rued 

hetcopogg: “ 

hetcopogg: arrowblocked 

tiedyeduck: it's so not the same 

tiedyeduck: you having some dumb magic adventure is 
like a tenth the fucked upness of this titty dog 

harmpit: yeahr elax 

bluntfiend: Heh. Yeah, | get that. 

harmpit: k fniished 

lesbian_gengar: finished with what? 

TrainerDP: snrk 

bluntfiend: ... 

bluntfiend has left the channel. 


« You are trash if you toke. | | will use my taser on you. | [STAY 
TUNED] » 


The Recording 


Item #: SCP- 
Object Class: Safe 


Special Containment Procedure: SCP- requires no special 
handling or storage beyond that of typical electronic devices - keep it 
at a reasonable temperature, dry, away from electromagnetic 
interference. It is not believed to pose any risk to anyone, therefore 
can be kept in a secure locker rather than requiring its own 
chamber. 


Description: SCP-__is a small rectangular device, approximately 4 
x 2x 0.5 cm. It appears to be a storage device of some kind, similar 
to a modern-day memory card, but much more advanced - our 
engineers have estimated its storage capacity to be approximately 
200 terabytes. Based on the available data, we believe the device to 
have been constructed in or around the year 2074. 


It took several years to construct an interface to allow us to connect 
it to current computers, and several more to write the software 
necessary to read what is on it. 


The entire content of the device is a single file, a multimedia 
recording. Our software engineers have managed to recover and 
convert the file into a format usable on our current computers, but 
the video appears in monochrome, a single ‘layer’ of the recording. 
They say that there are at least 18 such layers, each from either a 
slightly different angle, or displaying a different colour, leading us to 
believe that the recording was intended to be viewed on some type 
of three-dimensional display that has yet to be invented. 


Device contents: The recording on the device appears to be a police 
interview, two detectives interviewing a murder suspect. Due to the 
missing segments, we don't currently know the names of either of 
the detectives, or the suspect, who is referred to only as ‘Doctor’. 


We hope that eventually we will be able to recover the missing 
pieces of the recording and identify the men, the location, and the 
exact date the recording was made, so we can track the people 
involved in the years leading up to the events in the recording. 


Below is a complete transcript of the section we were able to 
recover. It begins mid-sentence with the detective nearest the 
camera, whom we have dubbed 'Detective 1’. 


<Begin transcript> 


Detective 1: ...your confession, we have multiple 
witnesses, and we have this... 

The detective presses a button on the table in front of 
him, and the wall in the rear of the picture blurs, then 
fades into what looks like a high-tech laboratory. The 
wall is a screen of some kind. On the screen, a man is 
standing in front of what can best be described as a blur, 
stretching from floor to ceiling. He seems to be shouting 
something at another, older man, who is aiming a 
shotgun at him. The man with the weapon, who Is the 
man being interviewed, shouts something back. The 
younger man turns towards the blur and takes a step 
forward, at which point the older man fires the shotgun. 
The left-hand side of the younger man's head explodes, 
he spins round and falls backwards into the blur, and his 
entire body disappears. 

Doctor: | HAD TO DO IT! 

Detective 1: Why? 

Doctor: Because of what he was about to do! 

Detective 2: Which was what? 

Doctor: | don't know. Possibly destroy the universe. 
Both detectives chuckle 

Detective 1: Destroy the universe. Well, you stopped 
him, good job, Doctor. 

Doctor: I'm serious! And | don't know if | stopped him, 
you saw yourself, his body fell through. The damage may 
already be done, it may be too late. 

Detective 1: What damage? 

Doctor: That'll take some explaining. 


Detective 1: You're in some serious trouble, and we've 
got all the time in the world. Talk. 

Doctor: OK, OK. I've been completely co-operative, I'll 
tell you everything. How much do you know about 
wormholes? 

Detective 1 shrugs. 

Detective 2: Only what I've seen in the movies. Bending 
space, that kind of thing. 

Doctor: Yes, exactly. | won't go too much into the 
science of it, but my team and | were working on 
developing stable wormholes. A way to instantly travel 
from one point to another. About 6 months ago, we hada 
breakthrough. We actually did it. 

Detective 1: You made a wormhole? 

Doctor: Yes. We managed to open one in the 
laboratory. We punched a hole in spacetime! An actual 
wormhole, right there in front of our eyes. 

Detective 2: Okaaaaaay... and where did it go to? 
Doctor: Philadelphia. 

Detective 1: Oh, spectacular. That would've been... 
May. Nice time of year for Philly, huh? 

Detective 2: | dunno, | would've preferred Hawaii. 
Doctor: Please, let me continue. 

Detective 1: Alright, go ahead. 

Doctor: Thank you. When we first opened it, we had no 
idea where it led to. We ran all the tests we could think of 
on it, but eventually, we knew we'd have to send 
something through it. So, we got a video camera and 
attached a locator device to it, and sent it through. 

We left the complex, and activated the locator. It showed 
that the camera was 150 km away. We got there in 2 
hours, and eventually found it halfway up a tree. 
Detective 2: Is this going anywhere? 

Detective 1: Apart from Philadelphia? 

Doctor: Yes, yes, I'm getting there. It's crucial you know 
the full history before | explain why | had to kill him. May | 
continue? 

Detective 1: Please do. 

Doctor: We retrieved the camera, only to find that the 
battery was dead. We thought that maybe the trip 


through the wormhole had somehow fried the 
electronics, drained the battery. We got it back to the lab, 
and connected it to a charger, hoping maybe it had 
recorded some footage before whatever it was had killed 
its battery. 

Detective 2: And had it? 

Doctor: Yes! But this was the part that shocked us. The 
first message that appeared on its display was "Chip 
full". And simultaneously, one of the technicians yelled 
over that there was nothing wrong with the battery - it 
had simply been used up, drained. 

Detective 1: Meaning? 

Doctor: A standard holochip will store 36 hours of 
recording. The battery for that camera model lasts for 48 
hours. We retrieved the camera in 2 hours, detective, yet 
the battery was depleted and the storage device was full! 
We checked the contents of the chip. /t had a full 36 
hours of footage on it. 

Detective 1: So, the camera was damaged and wrote 
garbage to the chip? 

Doctor: NO! It worked perfectly! The footage we pulled 
from it began in the lab showing me smiling into the lens, 
then going through the wormhole, then into a blinding 
light - sunshine! Then green, then blue sky. As near as 
we could tell, it exited the wormhole 35 metres in the air, 
had fallen, and landed in the tree. Luckily, it had ended 
up pointing up in the sky. We were able to determine, 
from weather conditions and the phases of the moon 
captured by the camera, that it had not only travelled 
150 km through space, but it had also travelled 9 days 
back in time! 

Detective 1: Back in time. 

Detective 2: Time travel. 

Doctor: Yes. 

Detective 1: If you're gonna start jerking us around... 
Doctor: I'm not, | swear it. The wormhole had not only 
bent space, but time too. 

Detective 1: So you built a time machine. 

Doctor: Unintentionally, but, yes, we had. We kept 
experimenting with it, over the following weeks and 


months, sending more and more objects through, as well 
as sterile biological samples, until we were able to 
accurately calibrate the exit point both spatially and 
temporally to a high degree of accuracy. 

Detective 1: What does that mean? 

Doctor: We were able to create wormholes to within 1.5 
metres of our intended destination /ocation, and to within 
12 minutes of our intended destination time. 

Detective 2 sighs. 

Detective 2: What has this got to do with you killing 
Doctor Snow? 

Doctor: Everything. 

Detective 1: Well how about you use that time machine 
of yours and skip forward to tonight. Say, when you 
arrived at the lab. 

Doctor: OK. It was important you understood what the 
device was before | explained. 

Detective 2: You've explained. Now, talk. 

Doctor: Alright. This evening, | was at home, reading, 
when the lab's security system telephoned me. It told me 
that there had been an intrusion into the Restricted 
Materials compound. That's where we keep all the 
dangerous chemicals, biological agents, weapons tech, 
that kind of thing. It said that Doctor Snow had broken in, 
and removed 8 litres of Rx52. 

Detective 1: Rx52? 

Doctor: It's an engineered virus, a bio-weapon. It causes 
a severe rash within 10 minutes of exposure, followed by 
pustules erupting on the skin. It's non-lethal, and runs its 
course in about 4 hours, with no lasting effects. 
Detective 1: OK. Go on. 

Doctor: While Rx52 is non-lethal, it is still very 
dangerous. Its intended use is to create mass chaos, 
panic, but not fatalities. That much of it is enough to 
infect tens of thousands of people. | jumped into to my 
car and drove to the lab. When | got there and entered 
the building, the lab's computer greeted me and 
announced that | had a new message from Doctor Snow. 
| got it to play the message for me, and that's when | 
realised what | had to do. 


Detective 2: Which was... 

Doctor: | had to stop him, whatever the cost. 

Detective 1: What was the message from Doctor Snow? 
Doctor: It was a last will and testament, of sorts. He 
explained his plan, every detail of what he was going to 
do. In his own words, he was going to become a hero, 
legendary. He'd been planning it for some time, 
apparently. He was going to use the device to send 
himself back in time, along with a shotgun, 200 rounds of 
ammunition, and 8 litres of Rx5. He'd set the spatial co- 
ordinates to Manhattan, New York, and the temporal co- 
ordinates to 4 am on the 11th of September, 2001. 
Detective 1: WHAT? 

Doctor: Yes. He was going to send himself back in time 
73 years, to the morning of the attacks. Are you familiar 
with what happened on September 11th 2001, detective? 
Detective 1: Of course, | learned about it in history 
class, we all did. What was he planning to do? 

Doctor: 2,973 people died in those attacks, most of 
them in the old World Trade Center towers. He was 
going to stop them. 

Detective 2: WHAT? There was no way he could stop 
them, those planes came from completely different parts 
of the country. 

Doctor: He wasn't going to physically stop the planes. 
He was going to have the two buildings evacuated. He 
was going to connect the canisters of Rx52, 4 litres in 
each tower, to the ventilation systems. He would then 
contact the authorities and announce that he was a 
terrorist who was about to release a large quantity of the 
smallpox virus into both buildings. 

Detective 2: Smallpox?