While the contents of the book vary wildly from day to day, the 
overall theme remains consistent. The object will always contain 
instructions on how to perform various actions, ranging from very 
useful to utterly pointless. The various descriptions printed inside the 
book are incredibly detailed, to the point of describing which specific 


muscles to contract when performing a physical movement. The 
instructions within generally describe the optimal technique to use 
regarding the action, even leading to the discovery of several 
previously unknown methods of [REDACTED]. Despite being 
extremely accurate in its descriptions, the book can be very 
confusing to the average reader, due to its overly descriptive nature. 


A partial list of titles which have appeared since retrieval include: 


* How to Build a Campfire 

* How to Eat Spaghetti and Meatballs 
¢ How to Hang a Painting 

* How to Sculpt a Bird in Flight out of Granite 
* How to Whistle 

* How to Strangle a Woman 

* How to Construct a [REDACTED] 

* How to Open a Desk Drawer 

* How to Cross-Country Ski 

* How to [REDACTED] 

* How To Clean a Necktie 

* How to Commit Suicide by Hanging 


Addendum 1161a: Several mentions have been made to a 'How to 
Ascend’ throughout multiple variations of SCP-1161. Of particular 
interest was the mention at the end of 'How to Assimilate 
Information’, referring readers to 'How to Ascend’ for more 
information. Whether 'How to Ascend' is a variation of SCP-1161 or 
an entirely different book is being investigated. 


Addendum 1161b: A note written by hand on the final page of 
SCP-1161 was found while it contained 'How to Build a Wooden 
Rocking Chair’. The note read "It will be next. Do you value this 
world?", and was visible to all who viewed the page. 


Addendum 1161c: The title of SCP-1161 following 'How to Build a 
Wooden Rocking Chair’ was 'How to Ascend’. When Dr. 

touched the object to begin transcribing its contents, he immediately 
withdrew his hand and stood up rigidly. After several seconds of 
standing completely still and not responding to inquiries, he sat 
down and immediately began reading through the book despite 
being ordered multiple times to begin transcription. After 


approximately hours of reading, Dr. calmly closed SCP-1161 
and fell into a catatonic state from which he awoke at exactly 

3:00 A.M. GMT the following day, coinciding with the book's daily 
change. After awaking, Dr. claimed to have no memories of 
anything following touching the object. Psychological evaluation of 
Dr. has been scheduled. 


The position of Head of Research of SCP-1161 has been 
temporarily transferred to Dr. 


Addendum 1161d: On // Dr. was found lying in his 
quarters with several puncture wounds in his scalp, which upon 
further inspection, were found to extend into his brain. A battery 
powered drill gripped in his hand suggests that the injuries were self 
inflicted. Though currently in a comatose state, tests have shown Dr. 
's brain to be processing information at a highly accelerated rate. 


Reclassification as Euclid requested. 
Dr. - Request Granted 
« SCP-1160 | SCP-1161 | SCP-1162 » 


SCP-1162: A Hole in the Wall 


Item #: SCP-1162 
Object Class: Euclid 


Special Containment Procedures: SCP-1162 is currently 
contained in a standard 5x5x5 meter chamber at Site 31. SCP-1162 
must be activated at least once weekly to prevent a containment 
breach; if it is not activated, it randomly shifts location, as detailed 
below. 


Description: SCP-1162 is, currently, a hole in the cinderblock wall 
of Containment Chamber 4 at Site 31. It measures approximately 
14.5 centimeters across, and has a variable depth which changes 
based on the current user. A portion of cinderblock is currently 
visible through the hole; however, no light source has been able to 
illuminate any portion of the interior beyond that, the hole always 
appears to be dark. 


SCP-1162 is activated when a sentient being reaches into the hole 
to the depth that the girth of their arm allows, at which point their 
fingers touch a solid surface similar in feel to the current location of 
SCP-1162, and they discover an item small enough to fit through the 
hole below their fingertips. These items have universally been 
recognized as something that the user has lost, or was searching for 
at some point during their life. However, upon retrieval of the item, 
another item will vanish from the person of the subject. In addition, 
any object placed into SCP-1162 will disappear as soon as it is no 
longer in contact with a person. 


If SCP-1162 is not activated at least once every 168 hours, it will 
randomly shift location to another stone, concrete, or brick wall or 
floor within a radius not yet shown to exceed 2000 kilometers. The 
previous hole remains, but shows no abnormal properties. Attempts 
to destroy SCP-1162 or view it from behind have caused an 
immediate shift in location, regardless of the time since the last shift. 


Addendum: SCP-1162 was discovered by Agent Parks of Mobile 
Task Force Zeta-9 (aka "Mole Rats") during a routine investigation 
of an area affected by SCP-184. It was, at the time, a hole ina 
concrete floor in a service tunnel under , China. Agent Parks 
dropped his flashlight into the hole accidentally, and, upon reaching 
into the hole, retrieved a copy of Super Mario Brothers 2 for the NES 
with his name written on the back in Sharpie. Upon a later inventory 
check, it was discovered that a standard ration pack was missing 
from Agent Parks' supplies. SCP-1162 was experimented with on- 
site for three months before it was left unactivated for a week, and 
shifted to a wall inside an abandoned office building in India. It was 
then allowed to shift again, and lost, though rumors of a "magic 
hole" surfaced in the Netherlands, Venice, Egypt, and Greenland. 
On April 16, 200 , it appeared at the current location in Site 31, and 
has been contained there ever since. 


Testing Log: The following is a log of all tests performed upon 
SCP-1162. 


Subject: Agent K 

Item Retrieved: One (1) standard issue M1911A1 magazine, empty 
Item Lost: Wallet, but not contents of wallet 

Notes: Man, | liked that wallet. At least it left my money. 


Subject: Dr. Clef 

Item Retrieved: One (1) Package of Aquila Ukelele strings 
Item Lost: One (1) Package of D'Addario Ukelele strings 
Notes: Well, that's a fair trade, | guess. 


Subject: D-4010 

Note: D-4010 was wearing only a standard Foundation D-Class 
uniform, with no shoes, socks, or jewelry, and had no other items on 
his person during this test. 

Item Retrieved: One (1) Half-full bottle of Wild Turkey bourbon 

Item Lost: One (1) Foundation D-Class uniform 

Notes: That was expected. 


Subject: D-4010 

Note: Subject was naked and holding no items at the time. 
Item Retrieved: 1987 Driver's license for D-4010 

Item Lost: Subject complained of intense abdominal pain upon 


removing his hand from SCP-1162, then collapsed. It was 
discovered that his left kidney was missing, and all vessels leading 
to the kidney cleanly severed. 

Notes: Future tests must take place while clothed, with at least one 
object on the person of the subject. 


Subject: Agent G 

Item Retrieved: [DATA REDACTED] 

Item Lost: Shoelace from Agent G _ 's left shoe 

Notes: Agents actively searching for biological or memetic agents, 
or any Keter-class SCP objects, are forbidden to use SCP-1162 
without a full security complement present. 


SCP-1162 is open for testing by any person with Level 1 or greater 
clearance level. The extended testing logs are located here. 


« SCP-1161 | SCP-1162 | SCP-1163 » 


SCP-1162 Extended Testing Log 


Please note all tests with the following format: 
Subject: 

Item Retrieved: 

Item Lost: 

Notes: 


Subject: Dr. King 

Item Retrieved: One (1) plastic bag, containing 492 apple seeds 
Item Lost: One (1) Rolex wristwatch, gold 

Notes: This is the first test that has produced something the subject 
hasn't lost. 


Subject: Sr. Researcher Grant 


Note: Sr. Researcher Grant came in with the intention of testing 
continuously, and had on his person 60 standard pens. 


Item Retrieved: One (1) set of keys to a 1988 Buick LeSabre 
Item Lost: One (1) pen 
Notes: / sold this car a long time ago. Damn. 


Item Retrieved: One (1) medium size condom, in wrapper 
Item Lost: One (1) pen 
Notes: / think I lost this back in high school. 


Item Retrieved: One (1) paperback copy of Fahrenheit 451 
Item Lost: One (1) pen 
Notes: / was just looking for this the other day! 


Item Retrieved: One (1) pen, confirmed to be from a previous test 
Item Lost: One (1) pen 
Notes: Huh. Would you look at that. 


Sr. Researcher Grant proceeded to test an additional 30 times, each 
time losing and gaining one standard ballpoint pen. 


Subject: D-1144 

Subject was instructed to think about a screwdriver he had lost while 
working as a mechanic for all tests. 

Item Retrieved: One (1) passport for D-1144, dated 1996 

Item Lost: One (1) pen 

Notes: 


Item Retrieved: One (1) plastic bag, containing approximately four 
grams of cocaine 

Item Lost: One (1) pen 

Notes: /tem confiscated immediately. 


Item Retrieved: One (1) screwdriver, but not the one he was 
thinking of 

Item Lost: One (1) pen 

Notes: Additional tests showed no ability to guide what object is 
retrieved. 


Subject: Agent Luminus 

Note: Agent Luminus hypothesized that SCP-1162 becomes 
recursive when "fed" a large number of similar items, and had in his 
possession several small items from his locker. 


Item Retrieved: One (1) pair of generic sunglasses, black 

Item Lost: One (1) SCP Foundation ID badge 

Notes: Agent Luminus has been given a replacement; however, 
after this test, "1162 ate it" will no longer be allowed as an excuse 
for losing your badge. Leave it outside the testing area. 


Item Retrieved: One (1) 512mb stick of RAM 
Item Lost: One (1) small salt shaker 
Notes: /tem donated to Site IT department for spares use. 


Item Retrieved: A matched set of seven (7) matryoshka nesting 
dolls, nested 
Item Lost: One (1) MasterCard debit card 


Notes: "Well, it's a good thing | don't have to explain to the bank 
how I lost it." 


Item Retrieved: One (1) KA-BAR Combat Knife, heavily rusted 
Item Lost: At first glance, nothing; however, upon closer 
examination, Agent Luminus' sidearm was shown to be missing the 
firing pin. 

Notes: "/'m gonna leave while I'm still ahead." 


Subject: Researcher Veldi 

Item Retrieved: A small plastic box containing various Lego pieces. 
Item Lost: One (1) fishing license. 

Notes: "Of course this happens right before a fishing trip." 


Item Retrieved: One (1) Vizio brand television remote control. 
Item Lost: One (1) iPhone 
Notes: "Son of a[EXPLETIVES REDACTED]" 


Subject: Sergeant Hendrix 

Item Retrieved: One (1) 1989 train ticket to LA 

Item Lost: Left Combat Boot 

Notes: "Well | don't think | can refund this ticket for a new boot." 


Item Retrieved: Left Combat Boot 
Item Lost: Right Combat Boot 
Notes: "Odd." 


Item Retrieved: Right Combat Boot 
Item Lost: Left Combat Boot 
Notes: "Now its just [EXPLETIVE] with me." 


Subject: K R ,age 7 


Note: Subject has been born and raised in a compound of the 
recently disrupted cult, where personal ownership of objects 
was not permitted. 


Item Retrieved: One (1) deciduous tooth, canine 
Item Lost: One (1) US quarter, 2002 


Notes: Subject given amnestics and returned to civilian society. 


Subject: Agent Richards 


Note: Subject requested permission to attempt to retrieve a memory 
card lost during exploration of [REDACTED] Subject furnished with 
10 identical memory cards to attempt to facilitate "similar loss and 
gain" pattern. 


Item Retrieved: One (1) dental retainer 
Item Lost: One (1) memory card 
Notes: Mom never did let me forget losing that. 


Item Retrieved: One (1) pack of cigarettes, waterlogged 
Item Lost: One (1) memory card 


Item Retrieved: One (1) memory card, damaged 

Item Lost: One (1) memory card 

Notes: /D tag confirmed it was the one lost in that snipe-hunt, looks 

like it was partially crushed. I'm not looking forward to explaining the 
loss of — bucks worth of equipment to get back some soggy smokes 
and a useless wreck. 


Subject: D-5524 

Note: D-5524 was carrying Keter class object SCP-__, in a passive 
state, to see if SCP-1162 could be considered as a containment 
option for troublesome small SCP objects. 

Item Retrieved: One (1) set of iHome capsule speakers, without 
cord 

Item Lost: SCP- 

Notes: D-5524 was terminated immediately afterwards. 


Subject: D-5566 

Note: D-5566 was chosen because she had no knowledge of SCP- 
or the previous experiment. A full security complement was on 

hand, with sufficient tools to contain the object were it to re-appear. 

Item Retrieved: SCP- __, in active state 

Item Lost: Unknown 

Notes: D-5566 was immediately killed by SCP- upon removing it 


from SCP-1162. No other fatalities were experienced; SCP- was 
returned to containment without incident. It appears that if used as a 
"disposal chute," the next item pulled out will be the last one 
deliberately put in. Due to the transitory nature of SCP-1162 if not 
used regularly, this poses an unacceptable risk of containment 
breach if used in this fashion. No further testing in this area will be 
allowed. 


Subject: Agent White 


Item Retrieved: One (1) well worn tube sock, clean, labeled 
"Hanes" 

Item Lost: Contact lens, left eye 

Notes: "Really? I'm wearing about four layers of cold weather gear 
and it takes my friggin’ contact lens?" 


Item Retrieved: One (1) pay scale warrant, as written out to Agent 
White, for level , prior to demotion on 04/01/ 

Item Lost: Contact lens, right eye 

Notes: "Okay, now we're talkin’. If | can see this correctly, does this 
mean I'm getting my old pay rate back?" 


Note: Agent White did not technically lose her previous pay rate. 
Human Resources agrees that Agent White voluntarily relinquished 
her previous pay rate through her documented sub-standard 
performance in the aforementioned reporting period. As one cannot 
"find" what one does not "lose", her pay rate will remain at its current 
lesser rate. 


Item Retrieved: [REDACTED] 

Item Lost: Undergarments 

Notes: "No way is this mine! I'm married, what would | even need 
something like this for? Okay, stick a fork in me, I'm done. | mean... 
ahh, this is ridiculous." 


Head Researcher Note: Inquiries into the nature of the retrieved item 
will remain unanswered, and additionally be reported to HR. 


Subject: Dr. Neiman 


Note: Dr. Neiman conducted all tests while holding his office 
wastebasket, which was full at the time. 


Item Retrieved: One (1) CD for the edutainment game "Dinosaur 
Hunter", without case 

Item Lost: One (1) soda can 

Notes: / remember this. | left it in the family computer when | was 
711, and Mom took it out and put it in "an easily memorable place". 
Never saw it again. 


Item Retrieved: One (1) pair of eyeglasses, matching Dr. Neiman's 
current prescription. 

Item Lost: Unknown object from deep in the wastebasket 

Notes: Lost these on a trip to Seattle last year. I'll keep them as 
spares. 


Item Retrieved: One (1) 512 MB flash drive 

Item Lost: One (1) crumpled-up document 

Notes: From middle school. At least the experience taught me to 
keep backups. 


Item Retrieved: One (1) paperback copy of Furies of Calderon 
Item Lost: The wastebasket itself (remaining contents unaffected) 
Notes: Oops. Didn't think of that. 


Head Researcher Notes: This is the first time that SCP-1162 has 
taken an object too large to fit inside of it. Any further tests by this 
individual should be closely observed. 


Subject: Dr. Hughman 

Item Retrieved: One (1) 2GB Flash Drive with his name carved 
onto metal casing. 

Item Lost: All body hair, internal and external. 

Notes: Well, beats getting waxed | suppose.