Foundation Commentary: Inaccuracies are numerous 
but include 173 being able to move while in line-of-sight 
of other SCPs, 096 only attacking 682 despite other 
SCPs being able to see its face, and 106 using portals in 
a manner similar to Chell from the video game Portal. 
SCP-2337 is probably the most accurate portrayal, as it 
is extremely loud and irritating. 


Episode # 109, "Keter Duty" 


Synopsis: A newly captured Keter-class entity 
resembling an oversized blobfish2 is brought to Site 17 
for temporary containment, and Cain and Able are 
assigned to look after it until it can be moved elsewhere. 
The entity is relatively docile but notices that there's a 
good deal of tension between its two guards. 


It eventually gets them arguing with each other over 
whose fault it was they've been estranged for so many 
millennia and uses the chance to escape and kill 
thousands. 


The secondary plot involves Cybie catching a virus and 
experiencing numerous malfunctions that the others 
have to deal with until she recovers. 


Foundation Commentary: This episode was atypically 
violent, with the Keter entity eating most of its victims 
until it eventually exploded. 


Episode # 110, "Data Expungeds" 


Synopsis: Grabnok attempts to get Cain to reveal 
various pieces of classified information to him, by 
offering him insights into Able's psyche he has gained 
during their friendship. 


Grabnok proves extremely gullible, as Cain is able to 
convince him that SCP-447 causes dead bodies to do 
the monster mash, 110-Montauk is making SCP-231-7 
listen to Nickelback, and that SCP-055 is really just a 
leak in an amnestic storage tank that no one can 
remember to fix. 


In exchange, Grabnok tells him that Able thinks a lot 
about their childhood on their parents’ farmstead, wishes 
he could have it back, but that's not enough to forgive 
Cain for what he did. Cain nods sadly and leaves to 
attend his duties. 


In the secondary plot, Able and Iris take the girls to the 


Site's library, where Cybie finds a children's illustrated 
bible and asks if Able's the same one from the book. He 
replies no since their names are spelt differently 
apparently, but his violent reaction to Abel's murder 
implies that he is. 


Foundation Commentary: No, Nickelback is not 
involved in Procedure 110-Montauk. That is not why 
monitoring personnel are permitted to turn the audio off. 


Episode # 111, "The LOL Foundation" 


Synopsis: The staff put the main characters through 
different tests, ostensibly to learn more about them but 
really just to torment with them. Many of these tests 
involve killing D-class for no apparent reason. 


Grabnok is the one to finally snap and lead an uprising of 
SCPs against the Foundation. He easily gains control of 
the site's nuclear bomb and threatens to detonate it 
unless his demands are met. 


As his demands are basically that the staff conduct 
themselves according to actual Foundation protocols and 
policies, they are granted. Everything goes back to 
normal, except that Site 17 now has a Taco Tuesday. 


Foundation Commentary: It is advised not to show this 
episode to D-class who have been in service for under a 
month, as it makes multiple morbid jokes regarding the 
alleged monthly termination of D-class personnel. 
Reinforcing this rumour to new D-classes would likely 
negatively affect their performance. 


Synopsis: This episode is unusual and that it focuses on 
a Foundation researcher, Dr. Locke, training a group of 
new junior researchers. Dr. Locke attempts to show the 
young researchers some of the more obscure SCPs, 
only to become frustrated with their obsession with the 


main cast and other 'classic' SCPs. 


Eventually they encounter SCP-049, who claims to have 
wandered over from Site 19 to collect on a wager 
regarding the most recent Ultimate Showdown. The new 
researchers all clamour for him to say "I am the cure", 
and are elated when he obliges. 


At this point Dr. Locke starts ranting at SCP-049, 
pointing out how his costume is not historically accurate 
and how hammy his dialogue is. SCP-049 responds with 
"Good sir, my cure is most effective", much to the delight 
of the young researchers. 


Dr. Locke punches SCP-049 in the face, and the episode 
ends. 


Foundation Commentary: The junior researchers often 
cite the ratings of their favourite SCPs to justify why 
they're the best. To clarify, the actual purpose of the 
database's rating system is [DATA EXPUNGED]. 


Episode # 113, "Please, Contain Yourself" 


Synopsis: While looking after the girls, Able becomes 
frustrated with Stella's limitations and physically hits her. 
He's immediately horrified and runs off. The cast goes 
looking for him, and Cain eventually finds Able in the 
basement, having constructed a rudimentary 
containment area for himself using the furniture. 


Able claims that he doesn't belong at Site 17 and that he 
should be back at 19 with the other monsters. He says 
that ever since the death of Agent , he's been feeling 
more empathy for people and less rage until it eventually 
got to the point he couldn't even kill anymore. He's still 
dangerous to everyone though, so he should stay locked 
up in SCP-076-1 forever. 


Cain says that that's how he felt after he murdered Able 
all those millennia ago, and why he now dedicates 


himself to helping others as much as possible. A monster 
in acage is still a monster, and if Able wishes for 
redemption he'll have to earn, but Cain is willing to help. 


Able accepts his brother's offer and goes to apologize. 
Stella accepts, but she and Cybie assault him with 
pillows as fair retribution. The camera pulls out and 
focuses on an aquarium containing SCP-1867 who says 
"And that my friends is how Doctor Wondertainment 
learned the true value of Transcendental Meditation. 
Goodnight." 


Foundation Commentary: This episode appears to 
have been an attempt at 'a very special episode’. Quite 
frankly, such a portrayal of SCP-076-2 is disrespectful to 
the countless staff and civilians terminated by it. It was 
also somewhat jarring when compared to the overall 
tone of the series. It is suspected the producers had 
exhausted their CGI budget at this point in the series, as 
Cain and Cybie have minimal screen time and when they 
are present are shot from strategic angles to obscure the 
view of their prosthetics. 


The general consensus among Foundation researchers 
is that it is highly unlikely whoever was funding this will 
order a second season. 


Footnotes 

1. According to the original website, this is because they proved 
most popular with focus groups 

2.Psychrolutes marcidus 

3. To clarify, "Data Expunged" is the title of the episode. The title 
has not been censored by Foundation personnel. 


Hallow Inside 


It's Halloween. 


When humans follow a pointlessly old tradition of scaring away 
spirits with badly made costumes. 


Alright, fine. We follow pointless traditions too, like crucifying food 
before consumption during harvest. But at least it doesn't look like a 
bunch of badly dressed idiots who think they look like monsters 
asking for sugar door-to-door. 


Sigh, fine. We do look like badly made monstrosities sometimes. At 
least we aren't idiots. 


What do you mean the Halkost are sometimes dumb? They 
occasionally forget to grow eyes and walk into walls and assimilate 
themselves, but at least | don't do that. 


Don't give me that look, | swear that time was an accident. 


Although it was a pretty idiotic idea to take that bet, especially one 
during All Hallow's eve. 


Yes, I'm sure you already know how this goes. 


Humans are idiots, really. | go around with half my body being a 
constrictor, and nobody bats an eye because it's Halloween. 
Seriously, nobody even questioned how | moved the thing. 


Anyway, I'm here to, | quote, "Survey the surrounding area." 


I'm pretty sure it's just to get me wondering around a crowded 
human area to see what would happen. Nothing, apparently. Which 
is boring, | miss the times humans dug out their own eyes at the 
mere sight of me. Messy, but they weren't very well-liked humans, 


anyway. 


All | see are candles dedicated to the dead, lining the Church's... 
well, everything. Walls, floor, tables. And there're children with 
baskets full of candy. And there're buckets full of apples. I'm sure if | 
try to fish them out, I'll bite the bucket in half. 


It's the start of Allhallowtide, too. | wish we had something like this, 
but really, we don't have many dead saints. I'll rather not die, thank 
you very much. Being celebrated for being dead isn't my sort of 
thing. 


Kind of boring here, perhaps | should retur- 
Wait a second, now that's an interesting costume. 


It has gears seemingly implanted into the arm and face, with a 
copper-coloured cloak to match. It is most definitely a normal person 
in Halloween. | mean, there're even ticking noises to match. 


Oh darn, he's looking this way. Better let the tail go limp. This is 
most certainly a normal tail prop. The horns are clearly plastic, 
nevermind the suspiciously red substance covering it. And time to 
pull out the emergency apple. 


"Excuse m- Oh sorry! | thought you were someone else." 
| give a nonchalant reply of: "Hm, oh." 
I'm not very good at conversations. 


Silence. He's still standing around. | wonder why. Is it that 
interesting to stand next to a snake-woman with red-stained claws 
and horns? 


Without much thought, | blurt out, "You waiting for someone?" 


"Yes, miss. My daughter, you see, said she'll meet me here. Went 
for a round of trick-or-treating, like all the others. Quite a nice 
costume you have there, by the way." 


"Thanks, same for you." 


More silence. 

"So, what do you think | am?" 

"A priest." 

| didn't realise my error until much later. Maybe | am an idiot. 


"A priest, hm? Interesting answer. | suppose you look like, well, how 
do | say this... In English, | would say a saint." 


This ticking is getting more unnerving by the second. | don't like 
where this is going. 


"A saint? | look like something quite the opposite, you know." 
"Saints don't have to look good. Ours definitely doesn't." 
Oh screw it. He probably already realised it. 


"| look like a monster. At least yours looks like something well 
polished, literally." 


"You clearly haven't seen him without the polish. We're all human 
inside after all, don't you agree? Even with all the costumes, we're 
all the same. Don't judge a book by it's cover, nor classify it by the 
title." 


"| guess so." 


Oh look, his daughter is back, wearing a cloak and with tiny fangs 
sticking out of her mouth. | did not hear any ticking. 


"Daddy! Look what | got!" 


"That's a little too much, Emily, don't you think? It'll give the dentist a 
locked gear. Hey, why don't you take some? | don't really have 
much of a sweet tooth." 


Taken a little aback by that. Nobody offered me food, much less 
your own daughter's candy. Not that Nobody, that would be weird. 


"Thanks, | guess. And don't worry, | have plenty of teeth." 


"Sure, see you around." 
"I'm sure we won't." 


| made a mental note of who not to kill next time. Meanwhile, I'm 
stuck with a lot of candy and no taste buds. 


Do Archons like candy? 


Centigrade. Any amount of the material that is forcibly displaced 
from the central mass will dissipate, and SCP-861 will generate an 
equal amount of new material to replace this loss. SCP-861 
continuously emits a flame of variable color, generally violet or 
indigo; this flame generates no identified heat, and is non-hazardous 
to contact. The mass is capable of locomotion through an 
unidentified process, and is capable of scaling any surface at an 
observed maximum speed of 47km per hour. SCP-861 gravitates 
toward the presence of human beings, a distance of approximately 
50m or closer being sufficient to determine "presence." If while 
traveling SCP-861 is obstructed, it will increase in mass until said 
obstruction is destroyed by the exerted pressure (SCP-861 will 
return to its normal size shortly thereafter). 


Human beings within a radius of roughly 30m surrounding SCP-861 
report hearing a continuous vocalization, producing a song in an 
unknown language. No physical acoustic component to this 
phenomenon has been detected. The vocalization is described by 
subjects as a vaguely human voice of indeterminate gender. A 
complete, phonetic transcript of the song has been documented, 
with an approximate duration of 7 minutes 45 seconds. 


Subjects exposed to SCP-861 will allege that they understand 
fragments of the lyrics, but will deny any familiarity with the 
language. The quantity of song material understood, as well as its 
placement within the overall composition, vary widely from subject to 
subject. A compilation of — tests indicated a possible correlation 
between subjects with prominent humility and song comprehension. 
These subjects demonstrated a comprehension percentage as high 
as 89%, allowing for . % of the song to be translated (see 
DOCUMENT-TRANSEPT-861 for details). 


SCP-861 will demonstrate a reaction to certain subjects that has 
since been designated a Choir Event. These individuals appear to 
possess arrogant or vain character traits (ostensibly the antithesis of 
the traits required for song comprehension). Though data in this 
area is limited (due to hostility from SCP-861), subjects capable of 
provoking a Choir Event describe the entity's song as entirely 
incomprehensible. The psychological threshold for provoking a Choir 
Event has not been entirely determined, but appears to be sensitive: 


The HAMI-BOMBARD Blues, Part | 


Project VHUHANI Restricted Hangar, United Nations Occult 
Coalition Selene Base, Athena One 
May 19, 1974, 13:25 GMT 


Dropping from the catwalk into the open cockpit below, the words, 
so peculiarly inscribed on ancient vellum from an impossible history, 
ran through his head in dribs and drabs. He barely noticed the 
shouting as the engineers working on the gangly machine finally 
noticed his presence. 


...beyond a certain level of maneuvring complexity, accurately 
calculating the trajectory of an object with six degrees of freedom 
becomes impossible given current computational technologies. 
Thus, VHUHANI provides an effectively... 


He slipped into the clear, amniotic goo, taking a deep breath and 
feeling the slightly sticky fluid gurgle in his lungs. The main engine, 
already screaming softly, kicked up a notch at his gentle touch at the 
controls. The sound of gunfire from outside was drowned out by the 
closing of the hatch and the birth-cry of hydrogen combusting under 
extraordinarily high pressure. 


...control systems designed to account for accelerations well in 
excess of 10g, including possible backblast from deployment of 
HAMI-BOMBARD. Variable ‘limb' thruster mountings provide an 
extreme degree of maneuvrability, as well as continued platform 
viability in the event of severe damage to... 


The machine bucked forwards, tearing away from the partially- 
disassembled equipment resting on the deck of the hangar as if 
shedding a birthing caul. He went through the motions automatically, 
as he'd rehearsed a hundred times in the depths of the high shelves, 
surrounded by the comforting reek of dust and old paper. One of the 
machine's arms came up, and then all was light. He was out into the 
open, the hangar a burst pimple receding in the rearward camera. 


...extreme density of HAMI-BOMBARD only permits a payload of 
two rounds in standard configuration. Mountings for three or four- 
round HAMI-BOMBARD loadouts are structurally possible, but result 
in greatly decreased engine efficiency. However, given the 
significant target kill potential afforded by HAMI-BOMBARD, more 
than two...