SCP-542 has also caused several deaths of Class D personnel, 
even when not in testing, due to negligence or assumption that 
certain items may be 'safe' when used by him. Personnel are 
reminded that even if his personality is pleasant the majority of the 
time, he will still dissect personnel for amusement and curiosity's 
sake if given the chance. These incidents may be reviewed in 
Incident Reports 542-B-01 through 542-B-11. Seemingly safe items 
such as sewing supplies have led to him making more than a rather 
well-tailored jacket for himself, but also resulted in him restraining a 
Class D Personnel by sewing him to the mattress of the bed, before 
removing his kidneys and a portion of the liver. 


SCP-542 has shown to be very willing to comply with certain 
experiments and appears to enjoy performing self-surgery with 
someone observing, explaining what he is doing and displaying his 
knowledge of the workings of the body as if he were a teacher 
describing a surgical textbook. Unfortunately, this usually requires 
being at a risk of attack from him. 


It has been requested that SCP-542 be kept alive so the process 
that allows for him to recover from intense surgery without organ 
rejection be studied and potentially copied for medical use. SCP-542 
may also show potential for being used to assist in surgical and 
studying endeavors, due to his increased intelligence and 
compulsion for dissection. Any books and notes written by him may 
be accessed and studied by those with Class-2 security clearance or 
higher. 


that the woman will have the opportunity to 
profit considerably by completing an 
unspecified task inside the van. The woman 
initially balks, but eventually gets into the van. 
The men ask the woman to complete a fifteen- 
question survey involving brand recognition 
with regards to automotive insurance 
companies. The woman completes the survey 
in approximately four minutes and is given the 
unspecified currency, then exits the van. 


Experiment ID: 096-J-38/C 


Sample: Video titled "Teacher deals with 
naughty student", uploaded / /02 to 
.com 


Parameters: SCP-096-J set to "Full Limit" 


Results: A female student is held after class 
by a female teacher. The teacher admonishes 
the student for a series of instances of poor 
behavior, mostly centering on distracting 
another female student by talking and giggling 
during class. The teacher also mentions a 
series of poor grades that the student had 
received recently. The teacher mentions, as an 
aside, that it is going to be very difficult for the 
student to make up the bad grades and that 
she would have to work very hard to convince 
the teacher that the student deserved a 
passing grade. The student then mentions, 
without prompting, that she has realized 
recently that she is attracted to girls rather 
than boys. The teacher appears very 
interested in this development. 


The teacher stands up, hugs the student 
tenderly, explains that she also realized her 
own attraction to the same sex at the student's 
age and that it is common for young women of 


that age to have difficulty reconciling a lesbian 
self-identity with a heterocentric, misogynistic, 
and hypersexualized culture. The teacher 
gives the student her telephone number and 
tells her to call her at home if she finds herself 
needing to talk to someone. She also provides 
the student with several extra-credit 
assignments. 


Experiment ID: 096-J-42/C 


Sample: Video titled "Arab sultan wants _ in 
exchange for ",uploaded / /08 to 
.com 


Parameters: SCP-096-J set to "Full Limit" 


Results: An unnamed individual dressed in 
traditional finery of the Berber sultans is 
engaged in an argument with an older man. 
With the older man is his young male 
grandson, an older adolesecent. The sultan 
character is insisting that the man produce full 
restitution for an undescribed debt. The older 
man insists that the amount the sultan 
demands is impossible for him to produce and 
that they will have to find some other means 
by which payment can be made. The sultan 
looks over the grandson and announces that 
he will consider the debt repaid if the grandson 
is brought to live in the sultan's estate for one 
year, after which he may return to the older 
man. The older man protests for several 
minutes, but is eventually forced to acquiesce. 
The young man is later shown during his first 
night at the sultan's house, where the sultan 
allows him to peruse his collection of classic 
texts of medieval philosophy, including original 
12th century journals from Musa ibn Maymtn. 
It is implied that if the younger man excels in 
his studies, the sultan will name him his heir to 


the throne. 
Experiment ID: 096-J-44/C 
Researcher: Dr. Andrew Ursus 


Sample: "Leather Daddies Take Boy For A 
Ride" 


Parameters: SCP-096-J set to "Full Limit" 


Description: 30 minutes of a pair of older men 
(45-55 years of age) wearing full motorcycle 
leathers, who, while riding a pair of Harley 
Davidson motorcycles, encounter a young 
man (stated age 18) by the side of a dirt road. 
The youth mentions that he just graduated 
high school and is looking to become more 
experienced. They offer to take him to his 
destination and drive him over a series of 
roads to a library in town, where they drop him 
off. Final minute of the film consists of words 
superimposed over the facade of the library, 
stating that the youth was so impressed by the 
kindness of the men that he becomes an auto 
and motorcycle mechanic as well as mentoring 
troubled teens at an after-school program. The 
men are stated to have maintained their 
friendship and kindness towards others for the 
remainder of their lives. 


SCP-536-J: It's on the back of your head 


Item #: SCP-536-J 
Object Class: The hell is that thing? 


Special Containment Procedures: Hold very, very still. Seriously, 
dude, don't move a fucking muscle. I'm pretty sure it can smell fear. 


Description: SCP-536-J was discovered on the back of your head. 
Yeah, it's still there. Hold still, man. 


Okay, you know those lobsters? The ones without claws? It's kind of 
like that, but more legs. Like, a lot more. And | think | was wrong 
about the claws. Jesus fucking Christ. 


Its anomalous properties include rapid growth of... are those 
tentacles? What the hell kind of bug has tentacles? What is it... Oh 
Jesus. That's not right. 


Its fangs are dripping with an unknown viscous green substance. No 
fucking clue what it is, but | wouldn't want to get any on me. 


The diet of SCP-536-J is still largely a mystery, but | think it's trying 
to eat your hat. Either that or make a nest. I'm not sure which. 


It's currently unknown how SCP-536-J reproduces, but it seems to 
be making a spirited attempt in your hair. Are those eggs, or what? 
Eww. You're probably going to want to shave your head when this is 
done. 


Plans to remove SCP-536-J have been proposed, but so far all have 
been rejected on the basis that it's gonna sting the living shit out of 
you if we scare it. We have to do this carefully, man. 


Addendum-536-J-01: SCP-536-J's nature remains largely 
unknown, but a cursory examination of your back shows that there 
are at least two of them. Fuck, | think it's going down your pants. 


Audiolog of Incident 536-J-02 


SCP-026-J: A Cold Post 


Ithem #: EthCP-026-J 
Object Clath: Thafe. [/f you're not a moron. -Dr Johnson] 


Thpecial Containment Prothedureth: EthCP-026-J ith to be 
contained in a thandard humanoid containment thell, in order to 
accommodate EthCP-026-J-1's needth. EthCP-026-J-1 ith to be fed 
thandard liquid rathons three timeth a day, with the thpecial 
requirement of no liquidth above 1 degree thelthiuth. 


At no time are any perthonnel to thick their tongth againtht 
EthCP-026-J. No matter how dumb they may be. Thee Inthident 
EthCP-026-J-A. 


Dethcription: EthCP-026-J ith a decorative light pole, identhified ath 
a 4004 Newport thtyle thtreet Light Package. EthCP-026-J ith 
observed to exthibit freething temperatureth at all timeth regarleth of 
thimuli, between -7 and -8 degreeth thelthiuth. EthCP-026-J wath in 
thandard containment until Inthident EthCP-026-J-A (Thee below). 


After thith inthident, 05-7 ordered Rethearcher Nicholth to be 
dethignated ath "an idiot popthicle" and EthCP-026-J-1 for one 
month or unthil their tongue freetheth off, whichever cometh firtht. 


O5-7's note: 
Hot water is not to be issued to SCP-026-J-1, until October 17th, as 
they deserve what happened to them. 


Inthident Log EthCP-026-J-A 
On Theptember Theventeeth, 2015, the following was obtherved in 
EthCP-026-u's original containment thell: 


Inthident EthCP-026-J-A 
BEGIN LOG 


Dr. Johnson: So...what do we do with this 
thing again? 


Dr. Nichols: I'm not sure. We're supposed to 
be testing with it, but | don't think that there's 
much here. 


Dr. Johnson: | got my tongue stuck once 
when | was a kid to one almost like this. Not 
anomalous obviously, but either way, man did 
it suck. 


Dr. Nichols: I'm pretty sure that is just an 
urban legend. 


Dr. Johnson: Are you serious? Aren't you a 
materials scientist? 


Dr. Nichols: Yes. I'm just saying, | think that's 
just an urban legend. 


Dr. Johnson exits the chamber for a few 
minutes, and returns with a D-Class 
designated D-4278 


Dr. Johnson: Hey, D-4278, lick it. 


D-4278: Isn't that the light pole? Look, I'm not 
stupid, I'll get my tongue stuck to it. 


Dr. Johnson: Just do it, that's an order. 
D-4278: Honestly? I'd rather be shot. 


Dr. Nichols: Oh for god's sake, it's just an 
urban legend, watch. 


Dr. Nichols is observed to walk up to 
EthCP-026-J and press their tongue up 
against EthCP-026-J, sticking it firmly to the 
pole 


Dr. Nicholth: OH GOH, MY THONGUE, ITH 
THUCK, HELP. 


Dr. Johnson: Y'know what, you deserve that, 
you twit. 


D-4278: Shouldn't you like...get help or 
something? 


Dr. Nicholth: YETH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD 
HELP ME 


Dr. Johnson: Nnnnope. Anyone dumb 
enough to stick their tongue to an anomalously 
sub-zero pole deserves what's coming. 


Dr. Nicholth: THITH ITHN'T FUNNY! 


Dr. Johnson: Yeth it ith. This is why you 
should avoid cold posts. 


D-4278 and Dr. Johnson exit the chamber, 
leaving Dr. Nichols stuck to EthCP-026-J 


END LOG 


SCP-7789-J: There are so many possible puns for 
this! Some are too phon-ny and others won't fly. 


Item #: SCP-7789-J 
Object Class: Business Class 


Special Containment Procedures: Any functional carrier aircraft is 
to be equipped with a standard SRAA module. All aircraft 
manufacturing companies are to be aware of this procedure and are 
to utilize it. Any aircraft company which refuses to utilize this 
procedure is to be shut down immediately. Existence of SRAA 
modules is to be known only by the Foundation and aircraft 
manufacturing companies. 


In the unlikely event of a SRAA module failing to function, a 
disinformation campaign (funded by the Foundation) will aim to 
dissuade airplane passengers from accessing their cellphone if they 
are not on airplane mode during take-off or landing. 


In the unlikely event of the airplane passengers refusing to obey the 
aforementioned procedure, their cellphone is to be removed and 
forcefully set to airplane mode. 


Any instance of SCP-7789-J-A detected in outer space is to be 
destroyed immediately through Foundation Airplane Redirect 
Mission Satellites or FARMS. 


Update-7789-J: Following Experiment-7789-J-1, all standard paper 
is to be replaced with "TeleBill" paper. Any company which refuses 
to produce "TeleBill" paper is to be immediately shut down. 


Description: SCP-7789-J is a phenomenon which can affect all 
known airplanes not containing a SRAA module. SCP-7789-J is 
triggered whenever an airplane passenger or nearby individual 
utilizes an active cellphone or smartphone which is not set on 
airplane mode during take-off or landing. 


Following its activation, SCP-7789-J affects the nearest airplane, 
usually the aircraft carrying the passenger which activated 
SCP-7789-J. SCP-7789-J seizes complete control over the 
aforementioned aircraft. The pilots of the airplane are unable to 
regain control over the object. 


SCP-7789-J begins to abruptly accelerate its chosen aircraft 
(henceforth named SCP-7789-J-A) to speeds ranging from 1,360 m/ 
s to approximately 2,000,000 m/s in milliseconds without the use of 
jet engines on SCP-7789-J-A, seemingly generating large amounts 
of thrust from an unknown source. G forces and wind resistance do 
not affect SCP-7789-J-A with the exception of its glass windows. 
After reaching its maximum speed, SCP-7789-J-A slows down 
abruptly and enters a geo-synchronous orbit around the Earth. 


The passengers within SCP-7789-J-A (henceforth named 
SCP-7789-J-A-1) gain abilities allowing for the complete 
regeneration of all bodiliy tissue except for bones. These abilities 
mostly negate the sudden G force experienced by instances of 
SCP-7789-J-A-1. Despite this, instances of SCP-7789-J-A-1 still 
experience pain as footage from Experience-7789-J-1 show. 
Members belonging to SCP-7789-J-A often remark at their suffering 
and their loss of bones. Instances of SCP-7789-J-A-1 cannot leave 
SCP-7789-J-A, they are seemingly stuck to their respective seat 
without the use of a seatbelt. 


After orbiting at a geo-synchronous distance from Earth for a long 
period of time, ranging from three weeks to 74 years, SCP-7789-J-A 
returns to Earth at an approximate speed of 50,000 m/s, releasing 
approximately 570,000,000 kilojoules of energy. SCP-7789-J-A and 
SCP-7789-J-A-1 cease to be anomalous 300 milliseconds before 
their crash, resulting in the complete destruction of SCP-7789-J-A, 
the surrounding area, and the deaths of all instances of SCP-7789- 
J-A-1. 


+ Show Test Log 
Experiment - 1: 11/11/2014 


Subject: Non "TeleBill" paper airplane. 
Procedure: A Foundation member launches a 


Update / /20 SCP-542 has somehow acquired knowledge of both 
SCP-291 and SCP-1025, and appears to be very interested in their 
use. All requests to study both anomalies are to be denied until 
further notice. 


Incident Report 542-A-06 Agent , while staying at the 
Hotel in , Germany heard the sounds of a scuffle and 
screaming from across the hall at approximately 3AM Local time, at 
which point he felt that he had to intervene, unknown that he would 
come face to face with a possible SCP. After forcing the door to 

's room he observed SCP-542 removing the muscles and bone of 
Miss _ 's right leg. After the agent fired several shots, 542 fled 
through the window and Agent contacted local authorities and 
an ambulance. 


, an American tourist who had only been in town for a few 
days, described what had happened to her while recovering in the 
hospital. Afterward, she willingly took the amnestic issued to her, 
preferring to believe that she had instead been in an unfortunate 
traffic incident and her right leg had been amputated. 

Her report is as follows. 


| had been to Germany before, so | knew my way 
around...and | was used to taking the bus. But | guess | 
first saw him there, | think, just this guy all hidden under 
heavy jackets and this hat and glasses and of course, | 
was suspicious because it was summer, you know, 
sweltering hot...and | realized he was looking at me, but 
| ignored it. He didn't get off the bus at my stop, 
anyways, and there were always others on the bus, even 
late at night. | guess | saw him for three days, and | 
stopped thinking about it... He must've followed me off 
the bus that... that day. That night. 


| went up to my hotel room, and | don't... | don't 
remember... The window was open, and it was all dark, 
the light wouldn't turn on. | figured somebody had 
decided to steal my stuff, so | went in to see if anything 
was missing and... and... 


[[ shows signs of intense discomfort, and asks for