Jefferson: So you tried to keep them here? 
Warner: Yes. We're still trying. 
Jefferson: How is that going? 


Warner: Well, the issue is that we can't risk escalating 
the situation because violence would be more 
destructive than the slow death we're facing. We've 
already seen violence, and we managed to stamp it out 
quickly. But people are mad. The next time rocks get 
thrown, boulders will follow. 


Jefferson: The slow death seems pretty bad. 


Warner: It is. When | was young, this never could've 
happened. People would take about things — disagree — 
and then find a solution. But the discourse has broken 
down. Reality has become amorphous. People can look 
at a statue and see totally different figures. Entire swaths 
of land are inaccessible to some and home to others. | 
love this town. I'm watching it crumble before my eyes; 
buildings are decrepit and the roads are full of rubble. 
But someone sees the pavement lined with gold. Where | 
see pasture, others see magma. We live in two different 
worlds in the same place, and | don't know how to bring 
them together. | just have to watch them slowly drift 
apart. 


Jefferson: And we can't anchor them together, clearly. 


Warner: No. These people, they don't want what we 


have. Some of them I've known for years. Grew up with 
them. Some even voted for me, once upon a time. But 
now, it's like every value we have conflicts. Many of them 
are good people, but it's hard to continue believing that 
when they don't mind annihilating a universe. It's just 
abhorrent. How can they not see that? | don't know if | 
can even call them people anymore. Most of them are so 
far into their new universe that all | see is a ghoulish 
silhouette. Like they're dead to me and I'm dead to them. 
You can't negotiate with a specter. You can't kill a ghost. 


Jefferson: We don't intend to kill anyone at the moment. 


Warner: Good. That's a fight you'd lose. Everyone would 
lose. That's what's so frustrating about it. Anything we do 
hurts people. But we must resist. 


Jefferson: There's still time. The future is not yet written, 
as they say. 


Warner: | admire your optimism. | wish | could share it. 
But | don't think any of us can now. 


Interview #: 004-19 

Date: 05/25/18 

Interviewer: Agent Forwald ("Jefferson") 
Interviewee: SCP-3210-B-004 (Glen Warner) 


Jefferson: My superiors have instructed me to take 
more active measures against Greenfield. How do you 
suggest we proceed? 


Warner: As I've told you, | suggest you don't. 


Jefferson: How certain are you that a large number of 
people would die in a conflict with Greenfield? 


Warner: Certain. 


Jefferson: Billions would die if they rip the universe 
apart. 


Dr. Saghai: That’s not what | meant. Logs show that 
you're with him, out of containment, almost all of the time 
now. Dr. Kondraki has been breaching protocol by letting 
you out of containment. 


SCP-408: |...DON’T...KNOW...WHAT... 


Dr. Saghai: You’re going to admit this to me, so | can 
bring it before Oversight. Do you know what | was doing, 
before that schmuck snatched me up as an “assistant”? | 
was head of research for the entire sub-human Safe 
SCP sector. Now, I’m interviewing a damn insect! | will 
have him thrown out; Oversight won't let him get away 
with this. 


<SCP-408 proceeds to approximate a “laugh”, as 
described in the log as a caricatured face displayed by 
SCP-408.> 


Dr. Saghai: Are...you laughing at me!? I’m about to 
have your little friend terminated, and you’re having a 
chuckle? 


<SCP-408 shifts to display a new image, which was 
presumed to be a live feed of Dr. Kondraki in his new 
office.> 


Dr. Saghai: No...that’s not possible! | read the damn 
logs, you can’t do that! You can’t do that! 


<Dr. Saghai attempts to damage SCP-408. Guards later 
found Dr. Saghai huddled in a fetal position, displaying 
symptoms similar to Post-Traumatic Stress Syndrome.> 


« SCP-407 | SCP-408 | SCP-409 » 


Warner: We want to delay that eventuality rather than 
encourage the apocalypse. 


Jefferson: We'll work on a solution. 


Warner: You can't force it. People want what people 
want. Half the town is as far gone from us as Washington 
is from Moscow. I'm surprised you haven't realized this 
yet. 


Jefferson: You don't seem very optimistic. 


Warner: I'm not. Greenfield isn't dumb. He knows about 
you. If you make a move, he'll make it hurt. 


Jefferson: He's known about us for months and we have 
made moves. If you actually help us, we can make him 
hurt. 


Warner: There is no solution, as I've been telling you 
since you got here. | admire your persistence, | really do, 
but there's only one way this can end. You're wasting 
your time. 


Jefferson: There must be a solution. God damnit, the 
world's not over yet. We'll find one, but we need your 
help. 


Warner: Like your last solution? You've been here for 
months, and what have you gotten done? Besides 
dredging up lava and breaking lots of robots, | mean. 


Jefferson: You didn't tell me that would happen. Don't 
blame that shit on me. 


Warner: | told you not to use those anchors. And let me 
tell you something now: Stop. You've done more harm 
than good here. You're never going to beat Greenfield. 


Jefferson: Fuck Greenfield. We can beat him if we work 
together on something new. But only if you actually try 
something other than sitting on your ass. 


Warner: Who's we? Last | checked, you lost almost your 
whole team just finding me. It took your guys four tries to 
fly in ammunition, and Greenfield got everything they 
dropped. | doubt you could even make it back to the 
fence without my help. You know | hate to say that 
there's nothing we can do, but there's nothing we can do. 
I'm doing my best to buy us time, and I'm sorry if that's 
not good enough, but it's all | got. 


Jefferson: I'm not going to the fence, because I'm nota 
coward. If you just want to give up, if you really are okay 
just letting Greenfield win, that's fine. We're not. Fuck 
Greenfield. I'm going to find that son of a bitch and shoot 
him in the fucking head, and then I'm gonna leave this 
godforsaken hellhole. 


Warner: What? 


Jefferson: You know, Warner, the reason people listen 
to Greenfield is because he actually does what he says 
he wants to. He doesn't bitch about not getting his way 
and pout that people don't like him. If you had half the 
guts he does, he wouldn't have ever gotten this far. | 
don't even know why I'm still asking for your help. You 
don't want to fight him? That's fine. We'll do it without 
you. 


Warner: No, no, no, I'm sorry. I'll help you. 
Jefferson: And not to — wait, really? 
Warner: Yes. I'll help. 


Jefferson: Yeah, I'm sure you will. You're clearly the 
fighting type. No wonder you lost the election. 


Note: This was the final interview with SCP-3210-B-004. Agent 
Forwald was unable to locate the subject to conduct a followup. 


SCP-3211: There is No Canon 


SCP-3212: Non-Euclidean Euclid 


Item #: SCP-3212 
Object Class: Euclid 


Special Containment Procedures: Due to the nature of SCP-3212, 
it is unable to leave Site- . Audio recording devices must be placed 
in all 30 of Site- 's rooms to monitor the position of SCP-3212. 
These devices must be repaired by Site- personnel in the event 
that SCP-3212 attempts to damage them. Site- is to be inhabited at 
all times by no less than 30 sighted personnel with Security 
Clearance Level-3 or higher. 


Description: SCP-3212 appears to be a mass of tentacles, 
resembling those of Octopus vulgaris, albeit larger and more 
numerous. It is unknown whether the rest of SCP-3212's body 
resembles Octopus vulgaris, as due to the nature of its anomalous 
properties it cannot be directly observed. 


SCP-3212 cannot enter a room containing beings or devices 
capable of visual observation.! Likewise, living beings capable of 
sight cannot enter the room in which SCP-3212 currently resides, 
with all adjoining doors refusing to open and walls resisting all 
damage. SCP-3212 will typically remain in a room for 2 to 3 hours if 
not impeded by the presence of sighted beings. 


SCP-3212 is capable of altering the internal size, shape and layout 
of its room without affecting the external dimensions. All alterations 
made by-SCP-3212 persist after the entity leaves the room. 
Entrances repositioned by SCP-3212 will always lead back to the 
room they originally lead to. See Addendum 3212-A 


SCP-3212 is capable of using its tentacles to pull objects from 
adjacent rooms through gaps around door frames, even if the 
objects are larger than the gaps. SCP-3212 has demonstrated the 
ability to move objects in excess of kg. SCP-3212 leaves no 


detectable marks on objects it touches. SCP-3212 will rearrange 
objects in its room, but will usually leave them unaltered. See 
Addendum 3212-B 


Although SCP-3212 is usually passive, it can become aggressive if 
personnel make excessive attempts to enter its room.2 SCP-3212's 
preferred method of attack is to use nearby objects as projectiles, 
although it has been known to resort to strangulation if no suitable 
projectiles can be found. It is of note that while SCP-3212 does 
respond to pain, it seems to be impervious to damage. SCP-3212 
has attempted on occasions to damage the audio devices in its 
room. 


Containment Log: SCP-3212 was discovered in the manor of 

, a woman living in , after she reported to local law 
enforcement that something was "turning [her] house into an M. C. 
Escher drawing [sic]." Foundation personnel were able to ‘herd’ 
SCP-3212 into a mobile containment cell by blocking its entrance 
into rooms. — was then administered Class-A amnestics and Site- 
was constructed for the expressed purpose of containing SCP-3212 
and observing its anomalous properties. How SCP-3212 arrived at 
the manor of is unknown. 


Test Log 3212-1 


Date: // 

Subject: Agent =, a blind woman employed by the 
Foundation. 

Procedure: SCP-3212 was located in room-16 of Site- . 
Agent was positioned in room-17, adjacent to 
room-16. Site- personnel were positioned in all rooms 
adjacent to rooms-16 & -17. Agent was told to 
attempt enter room-16 and remain there for 10 minutes. 
Agent was not given any form of live communication 
with the rest of Site- personnel, as was it was believed 
that attempts to transmit electromagnetic radiation to and 
from Room-17 would disrupt/Be disrupted by 
SCP-3212's anomalous properties. 

Test Report: Agent successfully opened the door to 
room-16, reporting feeling the sensation of water rushing 
into room-17, although she did not feel wet and was still 


able to breathe normally. SCP-3212 did not seem to 
react aggressively her presence, and at some points 
even brushed against her. After a period of time, Agent 
attempted to place her hand on SCP-3212's tentacle, 
to which SCP-3212 did not respond. Agent 
commented that the texture of SCP-3212's tentacle was 
"like holding your hand up in a strong breeze." Agent 
then began to feel her way across the length of the 
tentacle but was unable to locate the main body 
SCP-3212. After 10 minutes had elapsed, Agent 
closed the door adjoining rooms-16 & -17, noting that the 
sense of being underwater ‘evaporated’ almost instantly. 
Testing was concluded. 


Addendum 3212-A: On / /_ , Site- reported that door-15, 
previously adjoining rooms-15 and -16, now adjoins rooms-16 and 
-17. Further investigation into SCP-3212's ability to alter entrances 
pending. 


Addendum 3212-B: On // , SCP-3212 remained in room-30 of 
Site- for an abnormal amount of time (approximately 10 hours). 
When SCP-3212 left the room, site personnel discovered 
SCP-3212-1, previously an office table, had been contorted into an 
impossible shape by SCP-3212. Further research into SCP-3212's 
ability to create anomalous objects are pending. 


Footnotes 

1. A 'room' being defined as a section of 3-dimensional space 
completely surrounded by solid opaque barriers, with the exception 
of small gaps such as around doorframes. It is currently unknown 
what the maximum size of a gap can be before SCP-3212 will no 
longer enter the room. 

2. SCP-3212 appears to be more prone to aggression when in 
absence of objects to manipulate. 


SCP-3213: F*ck off Carl. 


Item #: SCP-3213 
Object Class: Euclid 


Special Containment Procedures: SCP-3213 is to be contained in 
a standard humanoid containment cell on floor 20 of Site-88. Under 
no circumstances is SCP-3213 to be allowed unsupervised 
interaction with any member of any pinniped species (pinniped 
families include, but are not limited to, walruses, seals, and sea 
lions). Testing of SCP-3213's effects is to take place in the aquatic 
facilities on floor 21 of Site-88. 


Description: SCP-3213 is a 44-year-old human male named Carl 
Prosser. When SCP-3213 is in the direct line of sight of any member 
of any pinniped species, the animal will become sapient and capable 
of vocalization. SCP-3213-affected animals will then utilize this 
capability to direct verbal abuse towards SCP-3213. 


Affected animals appear to possess individual personalities and 
behaviors, though all share a common dislike of SCP-3213. Affected 
animals either do not comprehend, or do not care to respond, to any 
verbal requests from individuals who are not SCP-3213. Repeated 
interactions between SCP-3213 and affected animals has yielded no 
verifiable information relating to the cause of the anomaly. 


When in the presence of pinnipeds, SCP-3213 is under constant 
danger of physical attack. Affected animals will attempt to inflict as 
much physical pain as possible on SCP-3213, although multiple 
tests in controlled settings have revealed that these attacks will 
cease if SCP-3213's life is in danger. All attacking animals will 
continue direct verbal abuse towards SCP-3213 until removed from 
SCP-3213's presence. 


SCP-3213-affected animals do not appear to retain their sapience or 
ability to vocalize once out of direct line of sight of SCP-3213. 


Examination of live, actively affected specimens has been 
unsuccessful due to their aggression. SCP-3213 has, however, 
been cooperative in continued testing of the anomaly. 


Test 3: 


Purpose: Visual demonstration of described anomaly. 
Date: 10/30/17 


Method: SCP-3213 was given a video camera and told 
to enter a room with a tank housing two adult earless 
seals. 


Results: A video file demonstrating the anomaly was 
created. 


The relatively docile nature of the interaction is believed 
to have been an attempt to make SCP-3213 feel safe. 
Two separate attempts were made to physically drag 
SCP-3213 into the water six seconds after the end of the 
video excerpt below. 


Test 5: 


Purpose: Attempts by Dr. Paul Clifford to communicate 
with affected animals while SCP-3213 was present. 


Date: 11/08/17 


Method: SCP-3213 directed to enter a room with a tank 
housing two earless seals. Dr. Clifford was already 
present. 


Interaction Log: 
Seal 1: Go fuck yourself, Carl! 


Seal 2: Yeah, go fuck yourself. Long and hard, you 
fucking bastard. 


Dr. Clifford: Excuse me, can you understand me? 


Seal 2: Carl, how's it feel to know that even though 
you're going bald, you'll never get any uglier? 


Dr. Clifford: Can you hear me? 


Seal 1: What's the matter, Carl? Too much of a pussy to 
answer us? 


Test 16: 


Purpose: Attempts to glean more of the reason for the 
anomaly's existence. 


Date: 1/24/18 


Method: SCP-3213 directed to enter a room with a tank 
housing two earless seals and to inquire as to the reason 
behind the anomalous behavior. 


Interaction Log: 


Seal 1: Should've figured you'd come back, bet you like 
the taste of shit. 


SCP-3213: What did | do to make you so mad at me? 


Seal 2: Oh ho! This piece of shit wants to know what he 
did. 


Seal 1: You fucking know what you did, Carl. 


SCP-3213: | never know what you're fucking talking 
about.