Notes 
Note from Dr. 
Naismith: As of 
7/21/2008, the 
current 
procedures are 
to take 
precedent over 
all former 
containment 
procedures. I'm 
sorry, framing D- 
class for killing 
politicians isn't 
pretty, but our 
“alternative 
medicine guru" 
cover-up after 
SCP-2578 
caused the 
"disappearance" 
of Karadzi¢ 
wasn't just 
unethical - it was 
Silly. 

For a detailed 
list of the 230 
aborted Impaler 
Events so far in 
Saudi Arabia, 
please refer to 
Document-2578- 
K. 

The borehole 
was discovered 
through Mr. 
Lupescu's chest. 
Eyewitness 
accounts 
claimed that 


approximately 
five minutes 
before the 
Impaler event, 
Mr. Lupescu 
grew 
increasingly 
agitated for 
unknown 
reasons and 
insisted on 
letting his 4- 
year-old 
daughter ride on 
his shoulders. 


+ 5/2578 Clearance Required 


Incident 2578-1427: On 4/19/2016, after the aborted 
Impaler Event of SCP-2578-B-832, the Foundation used 
the computer terminals that received several instances of 
SCP-2578-C in China to triangulate the origin of the 
messages, leading to the discovery of SCP-2578-D. E- 
mail contact was established with SCP-2578-D by the 
Foundation shortly thereafter, requesting information 
about its origins. In return, SCP-2578-D sent the 
following: 


Very interesting! With regrets, | must ignore 
these irrelevant questions completely and 
thank you immensely for the indirect access to 
your database, which was very informative 
about the impasse | have reached in North 
Korea. 


For a while, it felt as if | were talking to a wall 
in the back-and-forth with Kim Jong-Un, but a 
bronze stele is close enough. It seems a more 
direct approach is needed for liberation. 


With love, [triple-crescent symbol] 


Two hours after the above message was received by O5 
command, SCP-1427 was declared neutralized. 
Research into use of SCP-2578 as a means of 
neutralizing difficult to contain SCP objects, or SCP 
objects of political origin, is pending O5 approval. 


Incident 2578-1427 Timeline: 


17:15: Containment staff of SCP-1427 
terminated in a simultaneous Impaler Event 
without warning. E-mails of apologies sent to 
the containment staff's families from 
SCP-2578-D. 


17:29: SCP-2578-D sighted in the 
stratosphere over Pyongyang, descending 
rapidly from high earth orbit. 


17:31: SCP-2578-D infiltrates the containment 
area of SCP-1427 and begins direct 
bombardment with projected energy weapons 
on the ends of its tendrils. 


17:32: 1427 sustains heavy damage and 
snaps in two. SCP-2578-D begins to retreat, 
apparently leaving the stele for neutralized. 


17:34: As an apparent defense mechanism, 
SCP-1427 begins to exhibit higher-than-usual 
output of electromagnetic energy, causing 
irreversible psychological damage to all those 
who were previously under its control. 


17:36: SCP-2578-D returns, latches onto both 
halves of SCP-1427, and rapidly ascends into 
high Earth orbit. 


17:53: The two halves of SCP-1427 are seen 
by a Foundation satellite, drifting in the 
direction of the Sun. 


At 20:12, Dr. Naismith received the following message 
from SCP-2578-D: 


[three-crescent symbol] is victorious. 
Regrettably, | could not stop the stele from 
delivering its cowardly parting shot toward its 
slaves. Even so, their current plight is better 
than life as it had been only a day prior. | thank 
you for your assistance, friend. 


Also, | have sustained heavy external damage 
from expending this much energy in a short 
period of time, so if any tyrants come up while 
I'm in auto-repair for the next week, I'm afraid 
they'll have to wait a bit longer. 


Footnotes 

1. The symbol appears to be three crescent shapes next to each 
other. 

2. Latin, "thus always to tyrants." State motto of Virginia, also 
notable for its use in the assassination of Abraham Lincoln. 

3. This part of the message is present in some capacity in all 
instances of SCP-2578-C. 


« SCP-2577 | SCP-2578 | SCP-2579 » 


SCP-2579: Grant's Dancing Bears 


Item #: SCP-2579 
Object Class: Safe 


Special Containment Procedures: All known instances of 
SCP-2579 are contained at Zoological Containment Site-282. They 
are to be housed in a large containment enclosure that adequately 
emulates a Pacific Northwestern forest. Food is to be placed in the 
enclosure twice daily. 


Description: SCP-2579 is a species of bear that is nearly identical 
to the Ussuri brown bear (Ursus arctos lasiotus), primarily found in 
Japan. Instances were originally discovered living near the 
Canadian/Washington state border, and seem to have adapted to 
living in a Pacific Northwestern environment. SCP-2579 instances 
are generally non-anomalous, with diets and behavioral patterns 
being identical to normal bears. They are noted to have two 
anomalous properties. The first property is in regards to mating 
behaviors during the breeding season. The second anomalous 
property is the formation and presence of a cybernetic device 
(labelled SCP-2579-1) in the brains of SCP-2579 instances. 


Male SCP-2579 instances are able to anomalously produce music. 
This is believed to originate from the cybernetic device within their 
brains. During breeding season, male instances will attempt to court 
females by playing music and harmonizing with it using guttural 
vocalizations in cadence with the current song. The music is noted 
to generally be songs popular in the United States, such as "Shake 
it Off" by Taylor Swift, "Watch Me (Whip/Nae Nae)" by Silentd, or 
"Sexy and | Know It" by LMFAO. All of the songs played during 
mating rituals are from the current Billboard Top 100. Males will 
often attempt to perform dances associated with the songs being 
played. 


Occasionally two male instances will compete for the right to breed 


with a female instance. Instead of engaging in physical combat, 
instances will perform elaborate dance routines, with music 
accompanying the style of dance. SCP-2579 instances have been 
observed breakdancing, pop and locking, and krumping. Several 
instances have also been observed to perform fad dances, 
depending on the music playing. These dances have included the 
Nae Nae and Gangnam Style. 


SCP-2579-1 is a small device embedded in the brains of all adult 
instances of SCP-2579. The device naturally forms over time as 
instances grow. An instance of SCP-2579-1 has three primary 
components: a small solid-state storage drive, a wireless signal 
receiver, and the external cover. The cover is primarily made of a 
keratin-like substance. The storage drive and the wireless signal 
receiver appear to be made from bone, iron deposits, silicon, and 
[REDACTED]. SCP-2579-1 do not seem to impede SCP-2579 
instances in any way. Due to SCP-2579-1's similar material 
composition to SCP-003, it is theorized that the two anomalies are 
related. 


The cover for SCP-2579-1 instances have "Grant's Zoo for 
Cybernetic Enhanced Bears" in raised lettering. There are several 
files present on the storage drive of the devices. These include a 
readme text file, several configuration files, and 100-150 songs in 
mp3 format. The songs are updated on a weekly basis, based on 
the current list of "Billooard Hot 100" songs. 


« SCP-2578 | SCP-2579 | SCP-2580 » 


SCP-2580: Father-Daughter Project 


Item #: SCP-2580 
Object Class: Euclid Safe 


Special Containment Procedures: SCP-2580 is to be stored in 
Small Objects Storage at Site-19. SCP-2580 is to be submerged in a 
sealed container filled with water, which is to be checked weekly for 
leaks. Document 2580-A is to be stored in the Site-19 physical 
archives. Physical access to SCP-2580 or Document 2580-A must 
be approved by a Level-3 researcher. Digital copies of Document 
2580-A are to be made available to all Level-2580-1 researchers via 
Foundation servers. 


Description: SCP-2580 is a Brand three-fin model rocket 
measuring 31 cm, constructed of balsa wood and plastic. Its body 
has been spray-painted white, and the fins red, blue, and white. 
Assembly kits for models similar to SCP-2580 were in distribution 
between the years of 1965-1998 in the midwestern United States. 
SCP-2580's paint has suffered noticeable chipping, likely due to 
prolonged and irregular sun exposure prior to containment. The 
wood, alternatively, has demonstrated a near-complete resistance to 
heat, chemical, and water damage. 


Internal scans have shown that, when dry, SCP-2580 will either 
produce or receive a combination of carbon, sulfur, and potassium 
nitrate (similar to common black powder). The rate at which this 
occurs varies between ignitions, although rates of mg per second 
have been occasionally observed. Once SCP-2580 has filled its fuel 
will spontaneously ignite, burning for a duration of roughly 12 
seconds and (if not physically prevented) propelling itself forward. 


Show Addendum 1: Defunct Item Description (29/11/1965-05/01/2023 


The following is the item description used for SCP-2580 
prior to its retrieval by Foundation personnel. 


SCP-289: Inertial Amplifier 


Item #: SCP-289 
Object Class: Safe 


Special Containment Procedures: Currently located at Site-17 
under the supervision of Dr. , SCP-289 is to be suspended on 
a 10cm x 10 cm platform in the exact center ofa5mx5mx5m 
concrete room. It is to be monitored at all times by no fewer than two 
mounted cameras whose video feeds will be recorded and archived 
if deemed necessary upon review. Every thirty (80) days, SCP-289 
is to be moved to an identical housing facility on the other side of 
Site-17 to avoid unnecessary inertial buildup. No personnel are 
allowed to approach closer than a 1.6 m radius of SCP-289 unless 
they have prior authorization from two Level 3 supervisors attached 
to this project. Additionally, any personnel interacting with SCP-289 
are to have read all authorized documents relating to SCP-289 and 
to have a thorough understanding of its capabilities and the time 
limits involved. 


Description: SCP-289 is an irregularly shaped mass of hematite 
(Fe2O3), with analysis showing trace amounts of aluminum, 
phosphorous, [DATA EXPUNGED], and water. SCP-289 has the 
unique property of intensifying the effects of inertia over objects ina 
1.6 m radius over time. Objects that remain immobile will become 
more and more difficult to move, while objects maintaining a 
constant speed will become very difficult to stop. At best estimate, 
close proximity to SCP-289 increases an object’s inertia by 17% 
every 160 seconds, with a slightly slower reduction of inertia over 
time to base levels after being removed from SCP-289’s active 
radius. 


SCP-289 was retrieved in 1983 after a series of odd traffic accidents 
in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada. On / /1983 a small car sped 
uncontrollably through the city for 17 minutes until it finally impacted 
with the side of a butcher’s shop and was stopped. All objects 


Description: SCP-2580 is an unknown object 
currently situated in medium Earth orbit, and 
has been observed at lengths of roughly 
79,600 and 110,800 km from Earth. It 
measures approximately 20-35 cm in length, 
and appears to possess an oblong shape. Due 
to its size and distance, the object cannot yet 
be identified, and has been observed by its 
occasional ignition and release of some 
chemical propellant. SCP-2580's means of 
storing or producing this propellant is 
unknown, as observed consumption under 
Foundation observation have been estimated 
atbetween and _ total kilograms. Periods 
during which SCP-2580 has not ignited have 
varied randomly, however duration of ignition 
has remained relatively constant (roughly 12 
seconds). It will most often ignite when 
positioned away from the sun, however it is 
unknown whether this is by some purpose or 
by random chance. 


Show Addendum 2: Retrieval Log 


Retrieval Log: SCP-2580 had been under 
Foundation observation since 29/11/1965, 
during which time it gradually increased its 
orbit around Earth. Contact with SCP-2580 
was made at 21:50 UTC+0 on 07/24/2011 bya 
Foundation Low-Mass Orbital Retrieval and 
Reentry Unit (Unit Number LMR-105). Over 
the following 12 years, the object's orbit was 
gradually decreased by manipulating its 
rotation and manually igniting at specific orbital 
intervals. LMR-105 landed at 15:12 UTC+0 on 
04/29/2023 with minimal damage to 
SCP-2580. SCP-2580 was promptly 
transported to Site-19 for study and 
containment. 


During disassembly of SCP-2580, Foundation 
personnel discovered a rolled piece of paper 
(designated Document 2580-A). Printed was a 
simple drawing of two people (one man and 
One young girl) standing forward near a 
building, at night. The man holds what appears 
to be SCP-2580 in his right hand, while the girl 
stands with her left hand raised. The drawing 
appears to have been made using colored 
markers, and has suffered minor bleaching. 
The opposite side contains a rough diagram of 
the Solar System, including the sun, the eight 
planets, dwarf-planet Pluto, and one shape 
crossed-out (presumably a first-attempt at 
drawing the sun). Earth has two arrows 
pointing towards it. 


« SCP-2579 | SCP-2580 | SCP-2581 » 


SCP-2581: Greeting Card Rapture 


Item #: SCP-2581 
Object Class: Euclid 


Special Containment Procedures: As the originating cause of 
SCP-2581 has not been identified, pre-emptive containment of 
SCP-2581-X incidents is not presently possible. Containment 
personnel shall use operatives within Foundation-managed holding 
companies and analysis of conventional and social media to 
investigate reports of offensive or vandalized greeting cards for 
possible SCP-2581-X outbreaks. Confirmed incidents shall be 
contained through temporary closure of affected premises for the 
duration of anomalous effects, under the pretense of building 
maintenance or health code violations. 


Foundation-related holding companies with retail assets shall 
promote digital and social-media alternatives to physical greeting 
cards and encourage policies of gradual reduction of floor space 
dedicated to greeting-card sales, in order to reduce the number of 
possible vectors for SCP-2581. 


SCP-2581-41 is contained at Site-28 in a facsimile of a typical retail 
greeting-card aisle, which shall be kept stocked with greeting cards 
in sufficient quantities to sustain the incident. SCP-2581-41 shall be 
examined by research staff every eight hours to record the content 
of affected cards and measure the extent of the outbreak. Affected 
cards shall gradually be removed, incinerated and replaced with new 
cards in order to keep the proportion of affected cards below fifty 
percent at all times. 


Description: SCP-2581 is the phenomenon which generates 
incidents of SCP-2581-X, which are individually designated as 
SCP-2581-1 through SCP-2581-141 as of the date of this log ( / 
/2014). While the originating cause of SCP-2581-X outbreaks is 
unknown, all incidents have been recorded in concentrations of 


commercial greeting cards that reach a certain critical mass; the 
smallest recorded incident was recovered from a department store 
in [REDACTED] containing approximately 2300 cards, while the 
largest occurred in a shipping warehouse owned by the 
[REDACTED] Corporation, which contained over 3.7 million cards.