Pol-3490-1: |, uh... I've had a lot of time to 
think. | want to die accomplishing something. 
Here. So, | have an idea. | know how to make 
it safer for the bubbles. In case they ever get 
stuck in their huts again, I'll teach them to build 
it with ice blocks for the flooring. It'll be harder 
to break, and it may give them more of an 
opportunity to get out. 


(Silence) 


Pol-3490-1: I'm practically skin and bones. My 
legs wobble when | stand, but | have to try. 


(Brief silence, before a loud thump is heard) 
Pol-3490-1: Let's... t-try again... 
(SCP-3491-1 becomes audible) 


Pol-3490-1: Guys, it's... nevermind, please, 
help me up. 


07/18/1937, 4:48 AM 


Pol-3490-1: | don't even have the will to 
explain it, b-but | got it through to them. 
They're building floors in all of the igloos now. 
I'm so happy for them. 


07/25/1937, 4:48 AM 


Pol-3490-1: ... T-T-This... will be... my last t- 
transmission. | love you a-all. | love you world. 
| love y-y-you mama. I'm s-so s-sorry. 


(Silence) 


Pol-3490-1: |-It's been worth it, being here. If 
you can hear me, then thank you for 
searching, t-thank you for trying, and | hope 
you don't blame it on yourself. I'm h-happy. If 


you can't... h-hear this, perhaps that's best. 
(Silence) 


Pol-3490-1: (Giggles) H-Hey, at least | can 
say I've gone where no man has gone before. 
Where no woman has gone before. I've done 
something that might n-never be done again. | 
thank you all for this opportunity. Thank you for 
giving this to me. T-This is Amelia Earhart, 
signing off. G-G-Goodbye now! Good... bye 
now. B-Bye, now. 


(Long silence before cutting out) 
« SCP-3489 | SCP-3490 | SCP-3491 » 


Footnotes 

1. This makes it unclear how objects initially enter SCP-3490-A. 
2. This precipitation always originates from SCP-3490's center of 
mass, and proportionately detracts from SCP-3490's size with the 
amount of precipitation. 

3. Phoenix Island Time 


SCP-3491: [UNTITLED TSURU] 


Item #: SCP-3491 
Object Class: Euclid 


Special Containment Procedures: SCP-3491 is currently held at 
Site-15. No subject may come within a meter of SCP-3491 for more 
than 30 seconds unless proper equipment is provided. 


All entities that have come within 50 centimeters of SCP-3491 must 
undergo decontamination procedures. 


Description: SCP-3491 is a paper origami bird within a steel bird 
cage. SCP-3491 is suspended in the center of the cage by unknown 
means. Notably, one of SCP-3491's wing tips is slightly ripped. 


Beginning at a distance of 10 meters from the entity, negatively 
charged electrons can be detected increasing in energy between 
SCP-3491 and a human subject. This charge increases 
exponentially as the subject moves closer, until becoming 
dangerous to the subject. Overexposure to the charge produced by 
SCP-3491 can result in a concentrated burn at the vertical center of 
the individual. 


Attempts to remove SCP-3491 have been unsuccessful. Within five 
centimeters, the charge generated between an approaching object 
and SCP-3491 becomes strong enough to result in the complete 
dissolution of matter. This renders any protective material worn by 
subjects useless. 


No components of SCP-3491 have sustained any damage following 
the generation of these intense electric charges. 


SCP-3492: A Totleigh unBARable existence 


Item #: SCP-3492 
Object Class: Euclid 


Special Containment Procedures: SCP-3492 should be contained 
in a standard humanoid containment cell. SCP-3492 can be 
supplied with rewards in return for compliance. SCP-3492 must be 
fed a standard regimen of three meals each day. 


Staff are advised to exhibit caution while in proximity with 
SCP-3492, as the spatial distortions it experiences may cause 
unintentional harm to nearby individuals. 


Description: SCP-3492 is a Caucasian male human claiming to be 
named "dicks mcSquigee".1 DNA analysis has proven inconclusive, 
as collected samples are subject to microscale replications of the 
entity’s properties, and will soontaneously demanifest after 
indeterminate periods of time. 


SCP-3492 sporadically undergoes prominent spatial and/or temporal 
distortions centralised upon random portions of the entity’s body. 
These distortions vary in duration and content, but typically involve 
one of or multiple of the following: 


* Dislocation of bodily portions? to another fixed position relative 
to the remainder of SCP-3492; 

* Over or underexaggerated movement of bodily portions along 
a single axis, frequently resulting in the above 

¢ Over or underexaggerated rotation of jointed limbs, frequently 

to physically impossible extents; 

(Supposed) rotation or movement of bodily portions along or 

around unobservable, higher spatial dimensions; 

¢ Spontaneous loss of one or more spatial dimensions, resulting 

in SCP-3492 converting into a lower-dimensional form; 

Prominently slowed or accelerated motion of bodily portions; 


¢ Apparent motion of limbs independently from SCP-3492; 

* Motion of bodily portions occurring in an inverted manner; 

¢ Pseudo-precognitive abilities resulting from SCP-3492 briefly 
undergoing a period of inverted time; 


Of note is that affected portions of SCP-3492 appear to be 
selectively intangible to the remainder of the entity, enabling limbs to 
pass through other limbs unaffected, and enabling joints to rotate 
freely upon all axis while affected. Because of this, SCP-3492 does 
not suffer from injuries related to its effects, but does experience 
discomfort. 


SCP-3492 claims its properties stem from the fact it is a component 
of a partially-functional program developed by the TotleighSoft 
corporation as a proof-of-concept intended to promote interest in a 
physics engine being developed. The entity's respective instance of 
this program (designated SCP-3492-A) has yet to be recovered. 


SCP-3492 was recovered during the 2017 Electronic Entertainment 
Expo, wherein it was attending as part of, and maintaining, an 
exhibition booth catalogued to be reserved for the TotleighSoft 
corporation. All attending civilians that observed SCP-3492 prior to 
recovery were amnestised. 


Interviewed: SCP-3492 
Interviewer: Researcher 
<Begin Log> 


Researcher : Good afternoon, 3492. May | ask you 
some questions? 


SCP-3492: Yes, sure. Why not. 
Researcher : Would you prefer if | called y- 


SCP-3492: NO! No, no, just... the number is fine. 3492 
will do. 


<SCP-3492's right pectoral girdle extends to a length of 
approximately two meters, displacing the right arm 


alive. F useless. 


07/07/20 : Found razor blades on the floor of my room 
and a noose hanging from the ceiling. Couldn't go 
through with it. Still need help to do this. 


07/08/20 : Found a gun. That should finish me off fast. 
Going to break room to get this done. Been nice talking 
to you. 


| saw someone! Failed at killing myself but | got him 
good. Ran to infirmary to get first aid supplies. He was 
gone by the time | got back there. So was the gun. 
Couldn't even see any blood. 


07/11/20 : There was a memo hiding behind my desk. 
Don't quite know what it means but it basically says 
everyone's going to die, according to SCP-657's 
predictions. Tells people to make peace with their gods 
and to enjoy their final moments. Looks almost legit if it 
weren't for the date of the deaths: July 11. Today. 


07/12/20 : The memo's changed. Now the date is July 
12. | think I've got a theory brewing in my head. I'm 
travelling between dimensions. In each one | visit, the 
human race has just disappeared a moment ago. It all 
fits together! That explains why documents keep 
disappearing from right in front of me. Why nothing 
seems to break down even though it's been 2 months. 
Why | keep getting regular meals all the time. 


If | keep popping between dimensions, it might be 
possible for me to find a way back home. Site 19 still has 
the best resources to get this done. | just have to figure 
out what they are. 


07/13/20 : Found something interesting. Looks like the 
artifact | was trying to recover has wound up in the 
Foundation's hands in these parallel dimensions. Could 
be the key to getting out of this mess. The search is on 
to find this thing's SCP designation and get my claws on 


appropriately.> 


Researcher : Very well. You are aware of your 
condition, correct? 


<SCP-3492's left forearm rotates rapidly around their 
elbow joint, passing through the remainder of their arm 
without difficulty several times. SCP-3492 takes several 
moments to adjust the position of their arm, allowing 
them to gesture to their right shoulder with it.> 


SCP-3492: It's a bit difficult to ignore. 
Researcher : Do you know what is causing it? 


SCP-3492: TotleighSoft BECAUSE COMPUTERS' 
ineptitude at their job. 


<SCP-3492 becomes two-dimensional, losing the axis of 
wiath and only being visible from their left or right.> 


Researcher : Could you elaborate? 


SCP-3492: Have you ever encountered anything 
produced by TotleighSoft BECAUSE COMPUTERS? 


Researcher : |have. 


SCP-3492: Then you would know about the inanity of 
their games, the nonsensical features of such and, most 
notably, their inability to use any language other than 
broken English? 


Researcher : Yes. 


<SCP-3492 regains the axis of width, becoming three 
dimensional again.> 


SCP-3492: Well, there's your reason. 


SCP-3492: swercs smargorp rieht fo rehtona tey nehw 
esirprus a fo hcum eb t'ndluohS3 


SCP-3492: Oh, pardon me. It shouldn't be much of a 
surprise when another one of their programs screws up. 


Researcher : You are a computer program? 


SCP-3492: A sub-program, but yeah. Proof of concept to 
show how Al's like me run on the main program. 


Researcher : Which is? 


SCP-3492: A godawful clusterfuck of a physics engine 
that was supposed to "improve" upon standard 
spacetime. | basically exist in a bootleg - oh, excuse me. 


<SCP-3492's bodily features shift and dissipate, 
preventing the entity from communicating for several 
minutes. The interview is paused until SCP-3492 regains 
the capability to speak.> 


SCP-3492: Damn fourth axis. As | was saying, I'm an Al 
made by TotleighSoft BECAUSE COMPUTERS used to 
show off the... "functionality", of a physics engine they're 
working on. 


Researcher : And this would be the reason your 
name - 


SCP-3492: Yes, unfortunately. You can mess with some 
of my parameters, and you've named me dicks 
mcSquigee. Could you please change that? Even 
something bland like John Doe would be fine, just... 
anything but dicks mcSquigee. 


<SCP-3492's lower jaw rotates around its joint upwards, 
disappearing into the skull without resistance. Their 
speech is not impeded.> 


Researcher : Do you know where your file is 
currently being hosted? 


SCP-3492: Well, no, but... the other guy gave it... wait, 
you DID buy the program, right? Legitimate copy from 


TotleighSoft BECAUSE COMPUTERS, right? 
SCP-3492: Did... did you fucking pirate me? 
<End Log> 


Interviewed: SCP-2803-A, the CEO of the TotleighSoft 
corporation, via email. 


Interviewer: Researcher 
<Begin Log> 


Researcher: Could you help me with one of your 
products? I'm having a bit of difficulty with it. 


SCP-2803-A: Yes, supporting is avaliabel! Which of our 
TotleighSoft programes is? 


Researcher — : | can't find the original name of it. It's a 
physics engine that you have released, which comes 
with a customisable demonstration Al. 


SCP-2803-A: Not right. How doyou have? wasnt 
released. 


Researcher: You haven't released it yet? Why not? 


SCP-2803-A: Noone interested in it. showed it for 
buisness, but no response. production stopped and 
employees work onother profit, never sold. How did you 
get? 


Researcher’: We bought it from a store. We can 
conduct an investigation for you, to find out how this 
happened, but we will need your cooperation. 


SCP-2803-A: Yes, will help. What you need? 


Researcher : Can you send us a copy of your 
development notes and a manual? 


SCP-2803-A: Yes yes, is attach. Will help anyway! 
<End Log> 

Interviewed: SCP-3492 

Interviewer: Researcher 


Foreword: A review of the development notes for 
SCP-3492 provided by SCP-2803-A revealed that 
several of the anomalous properties of SCP-3492 were 
recorded as having been patched in earlier versions of 
the software, while other properties - most notably, the 
ability to change the name of the Al - were neither 
implemented as a feature nor encountered as a 
programming error. An interview was conducted to 
question SCP-3492 regarding these revelations. 


<Begin Log> 


Researcher : Good morning 3492, how are you 
doing? 


SCP-3492: About as well as you can be while knowing 
you're illegal. 


Researcher : |... see. We're working with your 
creator to find out how you came into our possession, to 
avoid it in future. Speaking of which, we've come across 
some... discrepancies, which we would like your help 
with. Are you willing to help? 


SCP-3492: | guess. Not like | can get any more illegal. 


<SCP-3492's left thumb extends until it touches the 
ceiling of the room, after which it returns to its normal 
length.> 


Researcher : Ok. You will periodically move along 
a spatial axis higher than the standard three we exist 
within, correct? 


SCP-3492: Yeah, that's what happened the last time we 
spoke. It just happens whenever it wants. Which is what 
you get for being ILLEGAL. 


<SCP-3492's right leg is seen shifting before 
disappearing.> 


Researcher : Yes, well, are you aware that issue 
was resolved in one of the earlier versions of your 
software? 


<SCP-3492's right leg reappears.> 


SCP-3492: Really? Well, that's odd. But then again, it's 
probably back because I'm ILLEGAL. 


Researcher : Well, there's several other anomalies 
that have been listed as resolved as well, such - 


SCP-3492: Maybe they weren't fixed in copies that are 
ILLEGAL. 


Researcher : | would appreciate if you stopped 
emphasising that point. 


SCP-3492: What, that I'm ILLEGAL? 
Researcher : Yes. 
SCP-3492: Well... FINE, | GUESS. [Unintelligible] 


<What appears to be SCP-3492's tongue briefly 
emerges from the top of their skull.> 
Researcher : Pardon? 


SCP-3492: Nothing, nothing. As you were saying. So, a 
few bits and bobs of me are broken again, so what? 
What's that mean? 


Researcher : Well, there are also several aspects 
of you that were never included as features in the 
software. You claim that you have been renamed to 


"Dicks McSquigee,” correct? 
SCP-3492: That... yeah, I... Is that...? 


Researcher : Unfortunately, yes. Renaming the 
sub-program was never considered for use as a feature. 
There's also your fluency in English, the size of your 
vocabulary... 


SCP-3492: Oh... OH GOD. OH GOD WHY. 


<The various limbs of SCP-3492 begin rapidly spinning 
around their respective joints, throwing them across the 
room. The limbs are not physically impeded by any other 
part of SCP-3492.> 


Researcher : 3492, are you ok? 


SCP-3492: OH GOD. I'M... I'M A FUCKING BOOTLEG. 
I'M A FUCKING... PIRATED... 


SCP-3492: WHY? WHY WOULD ANYONE WANT TO 
RIP OFF TOTLEIGHSOFT BECAUSE COMPUTERS? 


<End Log> 


Footnotes 

1. Despite grammatical inaccuracy, SCP-3492 will always record its 
name without correct capitalisation. 

2. This includes joints and/or limbs. 

3. SCP-3492 was experiencing a period of inverted time, during 
which it spoke in reverse. 

4. Hair, facial features, nails, etc. 


SCP-3494: Waste Management by dado 


Item #: SCP-3494 
Object Class: Safe