Foreword: On / /20 , aLevel 1 employee engaged in 
routine containment procedures broke character after 
tripping and injuring himself. As a result of the lapse in 
containment, SCP-1417-J began instigating telekinetic 
pranks throughout the area and failed to respond to 
attempts at re-containing it. Dr. James Anderson, current 
SCP-1417-J containment manager and six-time star of 
the annual Site-19 Christmas Pageant, entered the 
containment chamber to assist in conducting Emergency 
Procedure 1634-Broadway. Personnel on hand: Dr. 
Anderson, Dr. Sarah Becker, Dr. Ibrahim Kemal, Dr. 
Andrew Sullivan. 


<BEGIN LOG> 


Anderson: (whispering) Are we ready, 
people? 


Becker: (whispering) Ready, sir. 
Anderson: (whispering) Great. Scene. 


(Becker and Kemal begin running around the 
room frantically. Sullivan rushes up to 
Anderson, panting.) 


Sullivan: Thank God you're here, sir! 


Anderson: What the Devil is going on here? 
This is a laboratory, not a circus! 


Sullivan: It's SCP-1417-d, sir! It's... the 
readouts... seventeen minutes... if we don't... 
all those people... 


(Anderson slaps Sullivan across the face.) 


Anderson: For God's sake, man, calm 
yourself down! 


Sullivan: Sorry, sir. It's just... we've gota 
runaway positronic acceleration on our hands 
here! 


Anderson: Have you tried realigning the 
multimodal flux relay? 


Kemal: It's no good, sir. We're getting a 
gluonic resistance readout of 38! 


(Anderson whips off his glasses.) 
Anderson: Mother of God. 


Becker: If we don't stop the antipolar magnetic 
attractors from aligning in the next three 
minutes, Doctor, this entire continent is going 
to be kaput! We're going to have to reboot the 
central lenticular magnetron and... 


Anderson: Dammit, there's no time! Ibrahim, 
you took Advanced Phlogistonics back in 
college, right? 


Kemal: Yes, sir, but | don't see how that's... 


Anderson: Andy, get the subatomic electro- 
vulcanizer ready. Ibrahim, i'm going to need 
you to manually rejigger the anti-nucleonic 
force matrix! 


Becker: Are you mad, sir? That'll kill him! 
(Anderson slaps Becker across the face.) 


Anderson: If we don't stop those nega-quarks 
from sorting the strange matter from the 
osmium-freon colloid, we're all dead! Ibrahim: 
can you do it? 


Kemal: I... | can't do it, sir. 


(Anderson slaps Kemal across the face) 


Anderson: Dammit, Ibrahim! When | rescued 
you from the orphanage in that Turkish prison, 
it was because | knew someday you'd save 
the entire world. Are you going to let me down 
now? 


(Kemal sighs and mumbles under his breath in 
Arabic.) 


Kemal: |... | can do it, sir. Stand back and 
watch how a pro does it. 


(Kemal puts one hand on the plasma lamp and 
one on the Van de Graaff generator and 
begins to mime being electrocuted.) 


Kemal: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh! 


Becker: Photonic resonance rating at 63, sir! 
68! 74! 85! 


Sullivan: Oh my God... 
Becker: 87... 93... 99.8, sir... 


Kemal: 
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! 


(External observation reports to containment 
personnel via earpieces that telekinetic activity 
is slowing down and SCP-1417-J appears to 
be becoming inactive.) 


Becker: 99.9... 92. 73. 48. It's going down, sir! 


Sullivan: Raritanium levels dropping... 
negative Aetherius levels nominal... we're in 
the clear, sir! 


Anderson: We did it! Ibrahim, are you OK? 


(Kemal falls flat on his back.) 
Anderson: Dammit! 


(Anderson rushes to Kemal's side and begins 
miming CPR and mouth-to-mouth 
resuscitation.) 


Anderson: Don't you die on me, you son of a 
bitch! You've never given up on anything 
before! Don't you give up on me now! 


(Kemal coughs, lurches up, and rises slowly to 
his feet.) 


Kemal: Did we do it? 
Sullivan: We sure did... son. 
Kemal: | knew we would... dad. 


(Anderson sweeps Becker off her feet and 
kisses her.) 


Anderson: | love you. 
Becker: I'm pregnant. 
Anderson: But how...? 
Becker: SCIENCE! 


(Kemal and Sullivan cheer as Anderson lifts 
Becker off her feet and carries her out of the 
containment chamber. Relief staff enter and 
standard containment resumes.) 


<End Log> 


portions of dead human tissue, and eventually discovered that 
magnetic fields of extremely high power would damp the field of the 
SCP. The SCP was slowly lowered into a high-temperature solution 
of sodium hydroxide, with the Class D facing upwards to avoid 
premature death. A heating system was installed once it was 
determined that the decompression of the (by now) cooled 
compressed corpses was causing the solution to freeze. After 
several hours, the Class D and dead material surrounding the SCP 
were completely dissolved. SCP-555 was recovered intact, 
completely unaffected by the compression, heat, or caustic soda. 


Knowledge gained during these containment efforts led to the 
creation of SCP-555's current containment procedures. 


SCP-4590-J: Japucha 


Item #: SCP-4590-J 
Object Class: Euclid 


Secure Containment Procedures SCP-4590-J is to be contained 
within an artificial bog, containing one specimen of Draecaena 
cinnabari (Socotra Dragon Tree), a mated pair of Eos histrio(Red- 
and-Blue Lory), a local population of Ixodes scapularis (Deer tick), 
and a replica of Platybelodon grangeri. Firewood and an appropriate 
fire circle are also to be provided. The terrarium is safe to enter and 
observe so long as these requirements are met. 


Personnel are to respectfully decline any invitation to partake in 
Armstrong Events. 


Description: SCP-4590-J is a male humanoid entity, measuring 
1.51m in height. SCP-4590-J does not display any outward physical 
anomalies, but is notable for its mode of dress. SCP-4590 wears a 
cloak of deer skins and beach towels and carries walking stick at all 
times, and its face is obscured by a beard and wide-brimmed hat. 
Additionally, SCP-4590-J will always manifest covered in swamp 
weed and mud, and make no attempts at cleaning itself. 


SCP-4590-J-2 is a tribe of between 10 and 16 male and female 
humanoid entities! SCP-4590-J-2 specimens will generally manifest 
with small possessions on their person, including waterskins, 
headbands, and beaded bracelets. 


SCP-4590-J and SCP-4590-J-2 have limited manifestation periods, 
occurring on Friday evenings between the first week of June and the 
first week of August, between the hours of 1900 and 2130. These 
manifestations are termed Armstrong Events, and are detailed in the 
log below. 


Armstrong Event Log - July 31, 2015 


At 1903 hours, 12 SCP-4590-J-2 specimens (6 male, 6 female) 
emerged from the bog and built a fire in the fire pit. Woon completion 
of successful lighting, subjects remained in the area, regularly 
looking towards the bog in anticipation. 


At 1914 hours, SCP-4590-J emerges from the bog and approaches 
the fire circle. The following conversation is had. 


<Begin Log> 


[SCP-4590-J-2e runs towards SCP-4590-J, throws self 
prostrate] 


SCP-4590-J-2e: Oh great Japucha Master! Is it time...for 
Japucha? 


SCP-4590-J: Is it time... [turns attention to fire] OH 
GREAT FIRE! Which is both hot and also flickery! Is it 
time...for Japucha? [Pauses, listens to fire] No! No, it is 
not time! 


[SCP-4590-J-2 specimens are agitated, wailing and 
beating upon the ground. SCP-4590-J begins drawing 
figures in the dirt with the end of its staff.] 


SCP-4590-J-2j: [Approaches SCP-4590-J in 
supplication] Oh great Japucha Master, who is master of 
Japucha. Is it now time? 


SCP-4590-J: Is it time, is it time...[Drops to knees] OH 
GREAT DIRT, which is brown and gets everything all 
dirty no matter how careful you are, /s it time...for 
Japucha? [Sniffs at ground, then licks] No! No! It is not! 


[SCP-4590-J-2 specimens are obviously distressed. 
Several begin running about the fire pit or rolling in the 
dirt. SCP-4590-J continues drawing figures in the dirt, is 
heard to repeatedly mutter “Japucha’”.] 


SCP-4590-J-2a: [Approaches SCP-4590-J in 
desperation] Japucha Master, Japucha Master! Is it 
time? 


SCP-4590-J: Is it time? [Approaches nearby bush, grabs 
leaf in hand] OH GREAT SHRUB, so green and possibly 
poisonous...is it time for Japucha? [Tears off leaf, 
chews, spits out.] NOOOOOOOQOQOOOO0O000000! IT 
IS NOT TIME! 


[SCP-4590-J-2 specimens have reaches a state of 
despair. SCP-4590-J snaps staff over knee and 
screams.] 


SCP-4590-J-2c: [Taps SCP-4590-J on shoulder] Uh, 
Japucha Master? Is it now time for Japucha? 


SCP-4590-J: Is...it...time...[Looks up to terrarium 
ceiling, holds arms aloft] OH GREAT SKY, WHICH IS 
ACTUALLY MORE OF A ROOF NOW THAT | LOOK AT 
IT...1S IT TIME...FOR JAPUCHA? [Holds position for 15 
seconds. SCP-4590-J-2 specimens are silent] 


SCP-4590-J: YES! Yes, it is time! [SCP-4590-J jumps 
around in celebration. SCP-4590-J specimens cheer] It is 
time, it is time! Come, gather, gather! Come brothers, 
come sisters! Let us partake of Japucha! 


[SCP-4590-J and SCP-4590-J-2 form a circle] 


SCP-4590-J: Yes, Japucha. Let us Japucha. Prepare 
yourselves... 


Together: [Singing] Japucha right hand in [All put right 
hand into center of circle], Japucha right hand out [All 
remove hand from circle] Japucha right hand in and 
shake it all about [All put right hand into center of circle 
and shake] Ya do the Hokey-Pokey and turn yourself 
around [All spin in place] That’s what it’s all about! 


[All cheer. Fire is extinguished. All return to bog.] 
<End Log> 


Footnotes 
1. Numbers change with each Armstrong event. Individual entities 


are consistent within seasons, but may change from one year to the 
next. 


SCP-3136-J: On a Dark and Stormy Night... it was 
Raining and Pouring 


Item #: SCP-3136-J 
Object Class: Euclid 


Special Containment Procedures: SCP-3136-d is to be kept in 
permanent bed-rest in Site-3005. No less than three medical 
personnel are to remain on-site exclusively for the care and safety of 
SCP-3136-J. SCP-3136-J's chambers should not be entered until 
Event 'Bump in the Night' has concluded, at which time it is to 
receive medical attention. The room containing SCP-3136-d is to be 
furnished with a television, a bed, and a CPAP unit. SCP-3136-d is 
allowed to make reasonable requests to ensure its compliance with 
Foundation requests. 


Description: SCP-3136-J is an elderly Caucasian male, aged 81. It 
suffers from sleep apnea, and has some side effects from frequent 
concussions, including frequent fatigue, memory loss and confusion, 
among other symptoms. SCP-3136-J's anomalous effects manifest 
when three conditions are met: 


1. SCP-3136-J begins snoring 
2. SCP-3136-J is on what it considers to be a "bed" 
3. The sky above SCP-3136-d is raining! 


The event that begins upon meeting these three conditions is known 
as Event 'Bump in the Night’. During this event, SCP-3136-J will be 
moved out of its bed by an unknown force. Regardless of any 
outside influence, SCP-3136-J will end up on the floor with mild 
head injuries by the end of Event 'Bump in the Night’. 


Addendum 3136-J.1: SCP-3136-J Testing Logs 


Test: Putting five (5) memory foam pillows next to where 
SCP-3136-J's head would fall. 


Approval: Approved. 


Notes: All five pillows moved out of the way of 
SCP-3136-J. 


Test: Putting a second, slightly lower bed next to the first 
bed. 


Approval: Approved. 


Notes: SCP-3136-J moved into the second bed and 
promptly fell out of that one as well. 


Seriously? Who thought this would work? -Dr. Aleksandr 


Test: Placing SCP-3136-J ina 1.7m x .6m room ona 
1.65m x .55m bed. 


Approval: Approved. 


Notes: The bed gained a speed of approximately 

650 km/h and broke through the one-way glass, causing 
the death of two researchers. SCP-3136-J was pushed 
out of bed in this room. 


Test: Placing SCP-3136-J on the floor. 
Approval: Approved. 
Notes: Event 'Bump in the Night’ did not manifest. 


As it turns out, SCP-3136-J was being a bit more literal 
than we thought when it said it falls out when it "gets into 
bead". -Dr. Aleksandr 


Test: Surrounding just the bed of SCP-3136-J with 
titanium walls. 


Approval: Approved. 


Notes: Entire bed and wall combination flipped upside 
down, causing SCP-3136-d to fall on its head. 


| mean... | guess? -Dr. Aleksandr 


Test: SCP-3136-J is taped to a bed with 6 whole rolls of 
industrial grade duct tape. 


Approval: Approved. 
Notes: Bed flips upside down onto SCP-3136-J's head. 


You should have enough funding, could you procure a 
medical bed next time? -Dr. Aleksandr 


Test: SCP-3136-J is placed next to large fans which can 
lift a fully grown person. 


Approval: Approved. 


Notes: SCP-3136-d is forcibly angled vertically, causing 
it to fall slowly to the ground, hitting it's head. 


...was this what you dumped all your funding into? Next 
time just request more funding. -Dr. Aleksandr 


We are formally requesting $1,000,000 USD to further 
study SCP-3136-J. -Head Researcher Welch 


You get $200,000 more, which | am going to use my 
authority as Site-3005 Director to revoke if | see any 
more worthless tests. -Dr. Aleksandr 


Test: Allowing SCP-3136-J to fall on the passenger seat 
of a lime-green Lamborghini Aventador. 


Approval: Denied. 


Notes: That's it, funding revoked. Dr. Welch, | am 
placing you on probation for misuse of Foundation funds. 
-Dr. Aleksandr 


Footnotes 
1. No anomalous effects have manifested when precipitation other 
than rain is in effect. 


SCP-579-J: Microtransactions 


Item #: SCP-579 
Object Class: Keter 


Threat Level: [UNLOCK THREAT LEVEL DLC FOR ONLY 1000 
TELEKILL TODAY] 


Special Containment Procedures: Due to the difficulty of 
containing SCP-579, it has been contained at Site-579, which has 
been built specifically for the purpose of containing SCP-579. All 
staff at Site-579 are to be rotated out biweekly for psychological, 
physical, and spiritual examinations. In addition, staff assigned to 
SCP-579 are to score 100 points or higher on the Milgram 
Obedience Examination. 


SCP-579 is to be contained in a 2km x 2km x 1km containment cell 
lined with steel, lead, titanium, telekill alloy and [UNLOCK 
EXTREMELY TOUGH MATERIAL DLC FOR ONLY 1000 
TELEKILL]. The walls of this containment cell are to be outfitted with 
lethal visual cognitohazards. SCP-579 is to be suspended at the 
exact center of this containment chamber by steel chains blessed by 
a priest of the Islamic church, inside of a spherical secondary cell 12 
meters in diameter. The secondary containment cell is to be flooded 
with gamma radiation once every two hours. Any attempts to breach 
this secondary containment cell are to be responded to by an 
automated system, capable of flushing the entire containment cell 
with sedatives. 


In the event that SCP-579 breaches containment and manages to 
subdue on-site MTF forces, several Foundation satellites located 
above Site-579 will [UNLOCK THE EXTRANEOUS CONTAINMENT 
MEASURES DLC FOR ONLY 1000 TELEKILL] All active MTF 
forces located at the nearby Site-99 are to be deployed to Site-579 
to search for the remains of SCP-579. Once SCP-579 is recovered, 
it is to be held in containment until Site-579 is rebuilt. 


In the event of an XK-Class "Salted Earth" scenario, Harken-Grey 
Matter Transporters (HGMT) located at Site-579 will transport 
SCP-579 and its containment systems to an isolated cavern system 
located 200 km below surface level. Should the XK-Class scenario 
make further containment on Earth unfeasible, SCP-579 will instead 
be transported to the third planet from the star [UNLOCK 
EXTRATERRESTRIAL DLC FOR ONLY 1000 TELEKILL TODAY] 


In the event of a ZK-Class "End of Reality" scenario, [UNLOCK 
EXTRANEOUS CONTAINMENT MEASURES DLC FOR ONLY 
10000 TELEKILL TODAY] 


Description: [UNLOCK DESCRIPTION USING 1000 TELEKILL, 
OR PAY $15.99 TO ACQUIRE DESCRIPTION AND ADDENDUM 
DLC] 


Addendum: Timeline