The small stellated dodecahedron has long 
been known in artistic circles as a potent 
aphrodisiac and as a cure for impotence. The 
works of M.C. Escher (who knew how to pull) 
and Paolo Uccello (whose name literally 
means "bird") are obvious examples.| 1 ] 
Uccello's father was a barber-surgeon, a 
common profession in the 14th century: they 
did everything from a quick shave to 
amputating limbs. The more you know! 


So put yourself back in that imaginary bar, but 
this time, with a small stellated dodecahedron 
in your pocket... 


Chapter Twelve [14]: Where to, You Monk? 


... The Italians don't have the monopoly on 
shapely figures. There are many tricks and tips 
that you can learn from Spain - home of Don 
Juan and Torquemada. First, let's talk about 
Gaudi. 


Antoni Gaudi lived like a monk so that you 
don't have to. Ascetic, unsociable and celibate, 
he channelled his energies into architecture of 
the most profound and powerful nature. 


Gaudi was the opposite of everything I've told 
you to be. By the end of his life, he was 
dishevelled, skinny and never spoke to 
women. Gaudi was beaten in a mob, 


SCP-455: Cargo Ship 


Item #: SCP-455 
Object Class: Euclid 


Special Containment Procedures: Object SCP-455 cannot be 
moved nor contained in any structure. Containment must be made 
on site. No exploration or testing is to be made on or in SCP-455. 
No personnel are to remain in close proximity for more than five 
minutes. All physical contact with SCP-455 is forbidden; any 
personnel breaking this order are to be quarantined. 


Any hallucinations experienced near SCP-455 are to be recorded 
and logged. Any personnel experiencing hallucinations are to be 
transferred. Any personnel attempting to enter SCP-455 are to be 
restrained by any means deemed necessary. 


Description: SCP-455 is a large cargo ship currently run aground 
on the southern coast of Chile. Most of its structure is underwater 
and badly damaged, with rust coating 85 to 90 percent of all 
surfaces. Internal structure appears to be significantly larger than 
external dimensions, and is not flooded despite large holes visible 
on outer hull. 


Internal structure appears to be a random assembly of rooms, halls, 
and structures. Initial salvage teams reported rooms made of human 
teeth, an engine with tendon strips for timing belts, a hall extending 
for 182.88 m (600 ft) beyond where the outer hull should terminate, 
an open "gym" room with steel walls as pliant as taffy, and 
numerous audio and visual hallucinations. Team was lost after 
reporting entry to "central navigation." Rescue team lost after 
reporting the investigation of "screaming" in a cargo section. 


Dr. has suggested the use of robots to map the interior of 
SCP-455 after the failure of several manned exploration teams. 


imprisoned, and eventually struck by a tram 
and killed - far from being recognised, he was 
mistaken for a beggar. So why would | even 
bring him up? Because Gaudi understood that 
everything has a purpose, and that organic 
and anarchic forms can be used to capture 
beauty and fix it in place forever. This is 
something we'll explore further over the next 
chapters. 


Gaudi's Basilica i Temple Expiatori de la 
Sagrada Familia stood unconsecrated for 128 
years. You can see it in Figure 27, rising 
inexorably out of the shattered rock, black 
goats drawn to it as if called... 


Chapter Twelve [18]: We Took Our Hymen 


[ Note: this chapter appears to refer to the construction 
and use of SCP-3512-1 instances. | 


... make a rough ball of the materials you've 
harvested, and place it in the freezer for 6-12 
hours. Pork fat can be used, but will have less 
satisfactory results. Who knew, right? 


While you wait, you can prepare the limbs. 
Concentrate on articulation rather than 
strength. You may want to add simple tools to 
some limbs, if the object of your desire is more 
careful than most, but remember that the more 
complicated you make them, the more precise 
your sculpting will need to be. Lay your 
prepared limbs out on a clean, flat surface. 


Once your adipose preparation has had time 
to freeze, carefully carve it into the shape you 
learned in Chapter Twelve. You will know it is 
ready when you see it start smiling at you. 
Now introduce the limbs - they should "take" 
almost immediately. 


Wait until your intended is likely to be sleeping, 
then concentrate your thoughts on her face, 
and particularly the inside of her mouth and 
throat. Soon you'll see your new friend scurry 
off, ready to help you establish social 
dominance. 


Chapter Twelve [19]: Ewok Tumor-Honey 


... Double check that your scissors are 
comfortably within reach, with the blades 
sitting over the flame of your stove, or under 
the oven grill if you don't have gas. If you have 
parents or siblings with you, now is a good 
time to check that their bindings are tight. 
Don't be tempted to start with them first - this 
way is more difficult, but if seduction was easy, 
everyone would do it. 


Now, with your right hand, get a firm grip on 
your left little finger. Take a deep breath. Then 
pull down sharply towards the side of your left 
hand. Your little finger should make a clean 
snapping sound. If not, take another deep 
breath and try again. Next, take the scissors... 


Chapter Twelve [23]: Nuke-worthy Romeo 
If you wish to know, you must look deeper. 


As below, so below. As below, so below. As 
below, so below. As below, so below. As 
below, so below. As below, so below. As 
below, so below. As below, so below. As 
below, so below. As below, so below. As... 


[| Note: the remaining pages of this chapter were torn out. 
It is presumed that they were removed by Agent Cooper 
in advance of her investigation of the underground 
passages identified in Pol-3512-5's tunnel schematics 
(see Incident 3512/A). | 


+ Incident 3512/A - Exploration Logs 
Exploration Logs - Incident 3512/A 


Recording source: Body-cameras of Agent Cooper and 
Agent Rey 


Location: Uncharted cavern system beneath Barcelona, 
Spain 


Date: 20 July 2016 - recording commences 1:07am local 
time 


Both agents' body-cams are set for low-light 
conditions. The agents walk slowly down a 
narrow spiral staircase made from smooth 
stone. Agent Cooper's flashlight illuminates the 
stairs below. Agent Rey is following. 


<echoing footsteps> 


Agent Cooper: Okay, we're probably about 
eighty feet below the rail tunnel now. 


Agent Rey: How far down do these bastard 
stairs go? 


Agent Cooper: No idea. 


Agent Rey: Surely we could continue this 
investigation back at the club? 


Agent Cooper: I'm not sure what you were 
doing counts as investigation. 


Agent Rey: Ah, you Americans don't know 
how to live your lives. 


Agent Cooper: I've reached the bottom. You 
don't have much further. 


Agent Cooper stands in a low room, shining 
her flashlight between three tunnel entrances. 
Agent Rey walks forward to join her. 


Agent Rey: Thank God. So which passage do 
we take? 


Agent Cooper's camera picks up a movement 
some way down the left-hand tunnel. The 
agents do not appear to notice. 


Agent Cooper: | say the centre. Smoothest 
floor, makes sense it's used the most. 


Agent Rey: You're the boss. They all look 
equally dark and unpleasant to - 


Agent Cooper: Sh! Did you hear something? 
Agent Rey: Nothing. Maybe the trains? 


Agent Cooper: | don't think so - it's too late for 
that. And it sounded... different. Let's get 
going. But quietly. 


The agents proceed into the tunnel, walking for 
approximately 12 minutes along a gradual 
downward slope. The walls and ceiling are 
also slanted slightly inwards, gradually 
reducing the size of the tunnel. 


Agent Cooper: Looks like a chamber up 
ahead. 


Agent Rey: About time! 


The agents emerge into a larger room. 
Passages continue ahead and to the left, and 
stone steps lead up to a hole in the ceiling. 
The walls and ceiling are elaborately carved 
into abstract organic shapes. The agents 
separate, looking at the chamber walls. 


Agent Rey: It looks like they're melted. 
Agent Cooper: | think that's decoration. 


Agent Rey: <Looking up the steps> This place 
must be enormous. You think we're under the 
Basilica right now? 


Agent Cooper: Could be - aah! 
Agent Rey: Cooper! You okay? 


Agent Rey runs across to Agent Cooper, who 
is standing by an alcove in the right-hand wall. 


Agent Rey: Déu n'hi do! 
Agent Cooper: God, what is that? 


There is a small shape in the alcove. The 
camera moves closer, revealing a tight bundle 
of amputated human fingers, pointing 
outwards. 


Agent Rey: Who are these people? 


Agent Cooper: It's your city. Okay, let's keep 
going. 


Agent Rey draws his service weapon. Both 
agents move cautiously into the tunnel 
opposite the entrance. A dark, viscous 
substance covers the upper third of the tunnel, 
shining in the torchlight and occasionally 
forming large droplets that splatter on the floor. 


Agent Rey: What is that shit? 


Agent Cooper: Try not to get it on you. We'll 
take samples on the way back. 


The tunnel curves, changing direction 


regularly, including several steep descents. 
The agents continue walking for approximately 
15 minutes. A whirring mechanical sound 
slowly becomes audible. 


Agent Rey: Can you feel that? The air feels 
warmer. 


Agent Cooper: Another chamber ahead - 
looks larger. 


Agent Rey: Eugh. What is that smell? 
Agent Cooper: Oh - that's awful. 


The agents emerge into a large natural cavern. 
Its total size is not clear - the flashlight beams 
do not reach its far side. Stalactites hang from 
the roof, and have been carved with shapes 
including orchids, barnacles and rows of 
human teeth. The mechanical noise ts louder. 


The agents walk slowly across the cave floor, 
scanning with their torches. 


Agent Rey: <muffled> The fuck is that? 
Agent Cooper: <gagging noises> 


The agents reach the banks of a wide, slow- 
moving river. The surface is pallid and 
gelatinous, churning with the sluggish current. 
Downstream, the river flows into a low tunnel. 


Agent Rey: A goddamn river of fat. Look at it - 
it's like it's alive. 


Agent Cooper: Congealed lard and grease - 
must be thousands of gallons. That's where 
the smell is coming from, and the heat - | bet 
it's oily underneath that top layer. 


Agent Rey: Hey, look - on the other side! 


The flashlights shine across the river, 
revealing three industrial-sized book printing 
machines. Each Is operating noisily, although 
no electrical connection is evident. 


Agent Cooper: One guess as to what they're 
printing. 


Agent Rey: There's no way across. And no 
exits. 


Agent Cooper: That river is flowing 
somewhere. 


Agent Rey: Go into that tiny tunnel? No way. 
Get the Mole Rats in this shit. 


Agent Rey walks across to the other side of 
the cave, flashlight beam waving. 


Agent Cooper: Okay, okay. Let me get some 
samples, and then we can go back and try 
some other passages. 


Agent Rey turns. 


Agent Rey: Look, you can be a neula if you 
want to, but | - 


Agent Rey freezes in place, flashlight pointed 
at the ceiling. 


Agent Cooper: Rey? 
Agent Rey: <whispering> Above you. Slowly. 
Agent Cooper: What? What is it? 


Agent Cooper leans back, and the camera tilts 
upwards. On the ceiling is an SCP-3512-1 


instance approximately 3.5m across, with a 
central mass 1.5m in diameter. The instance 
has limbs composed of human spines. Four of 
these limbs are clinging to a stalactite directly 
above Agent Cooper, with the others reaching 
downwards. Agent Cooper raises her service 
weapon. 


Agent Rey: Fuck, it's huge. 


Agent Cooper: It's smiling at me. Why is it 
smiling at me? 


Agent Rey: Cooper, what are you - Cooper! 


The SCP-3512-1 instance drops from the roof 
towards Agent Cooper. Agent Cooper fires 
several shots, appearing to strike the limbs of 
the instance without effect. The central mass 
of the SCP-3512-1 instance lands directly on 
top of Agent Cooper, and her body camera is 
obscured by a white substance. 


Agent Rey's camera films the SCP-3512-1 
instance moving towards the river, with Agent 
Cooper embedded in its central mass. Agent 
Cooper struggles briefly, and her body then 
goes limp. 


Agent Rey: Vés a la merda. 


The SCP-3512-1 instance jumps into the river 
of fat, dragging Agent Cooper with it. 


Agent Rey's body-camera is switched off, and 
does not reactivate. 


Agent Cooper's body-camera remains 
obscured, but records the wet, sucking noises 
of the underground river. 


20 minutes pass. 


Suddenly, the body-camera is no longer 
obscured, and refocuses to show a very large 
domed chamber, dimly lit. The river drops from 
the upper wall of one side of the chamber ina 
waterfall of curdled fat, and faint splattering 
sounds can be heard. The microphone also 
picks up laboured breathing, but no speech. 


The view turns to show the opposite side of 
the dome. This contains an expansive fresco, 
depicting the Virgin Mary, pregnant, chained to 
a star-shaped rack by her ankles, wrists and 
neck. At the base of the figure's throat, a pipe 
protrudes from the fresco, emitting dark smoke 
that drifts slowly downwards. 


The camera leans forward. The floor of the 
chamber is partially obscured by smoke, but 
movement is visible beneath. Moving lower, 
the camera reveals many hundreds of small 
SCP-3512-1 instances, in constant motion 
around and over each other. 


Agent Cooper: <indistinct Hello? Anyone? 


Agent Cooper's body-camera rises and moves 
at a swift walk across the chamber. The 
movement stirs up the smoke, allowing a 
clearer view of the chamber floor. There is a 
human figure lying face-down on the floor, 
around 30 metres from the camera. 


Agent Cooper: </ouder> Hello? Who's there? 


The SCP-3512-1 instances on the floor are 
avoiding the prone figure, leaving a circle of 
empty flagstones around it. As the camera 
approaches, the figure turns. It is Agent 
Cooper. 


Agent Cooper: <giggling> Wow, that was 


intense. But | could dance some more, you 
know? Woo! <screaming> 


Agent Cooper looks up and ceases screaming. 
She smiles, twisting the ends of her hair with 
her fingers. 


Agent Cooper: Hey, wait a second. What's 
your name, handsome? 


The figure wearing the body-camera reaches 
towards Agent Cooper. Its hand is covered in 
raw cuts across the palm and wrist. Seven 
additional fingers protrude from the wounds. 
All fingers appear to be mobile. 


The hand pushes Agent Cooper's hair back 
from her face, caressing her cheek. 


Unidentified: <heavy, ragged breathing> 
Agent Cooper: Aw, you're funny and sweet. 


Agent Cooper nuzzles her face against the 
figure's hand, briefly sucking on one of the 
additional fingers. 


Agent Cooper: </aughing> Hey baby, come 
here. 


Agent Cooper reaches up toward the figure. 
She removes the combat vest containing the 
body-camera, and places it on the floor of the 
chamber. The camera is obscured by 
SCP-3512-1 instances crawling over the vest, 
and by the thick smoke. 


The camera records the scratching and 
skittering noises of the SCP-3512-1 instances. 
In the background, indistinct grunting sounds 
can be heard. These continue for a period of 
approximately seven minutes, and then cease. 


Experiment Log 455 details the attempts to explore SCP-455 and 
information established despite their failures overall. 

Exploration Log Record 455 3 - Record of last major exploration 
attempt by MTF Zeta-9. 


« SCP-454 | SCP-455 | SCP-456 » 


Two minutes later, there is a sharp scream 
and the distant sound of an object landing 
heavily. The movement of the SCP-3512-1 
instances intensifies, becoming frenzied. The 
camera rises as the combat vest is picked up. 
It is abruptly thrown downwards, falling 
through the smoke into a pit in the floor of the 
chamber.