Ben's artificial lips spread wide into a smile. "To find other articles 
like us, and to help them go through their own decommissioning." 


Moose Man patted Ben on the back, applying enough force to knock 
one of his simulated optical modules out of the artificial socket. 
"Very good. Does anybody want to volunteer to share their story 
next?" 


The man closest to the door raised his hand. Moose Man pointed at 
him. "You may go next then." 


The man seated by the door stood up. He wore unremarkable 
clothing, had jet black hair, and deep brown eyes. He smiled at the 
motley collection seated before him, showing of his sharpened teeth, 
and began speaking. 


"Hey kids, I'm Duke. Yes, the Duke. In the flesh. | know many of you 
might be amazed by being in my presence, so I'll give you a minute 
to get it out of your systems." 


The individuals seated before him let out a collection of sighs, 
groans, and sarcastic muttering. They had all heard Duke's 
egotistical posturing before. Duke waited a full minute before he 
began speaking again, in a boisterous tone. 


"As all you peons know, I've been living life in the fast lane. I'm the 
most famous decommissioned SCP, so | always get all the best 
character spots when someone writes a tale about us. And of 
course, | have regular work with Duke till’ Dawn. You could say that 
I'm the best decomm of them all." 


"Peanuts is better," said the Invincible D-Class. 


"Peanuts shmeanuts, you aren't even on the top rated page,” 
sneered Duke, leering at the Invincible D-Class with a smirk on his 
face. 


"He's right you know," said Joey, sitting in his chair with a cigar in his 
mouth. "Duke till' dawn is the stupidest, most lolfoundation story I've 
ever heard. You just like to go an' brag about it cos ya don't have 
anythin’ else to go on, ya chump." 


developing and attempting to escape SCP-827, while introduction of 
a human jaw has resulted in what was termed a "broken-tooth tree", 
a plant-like structure with a trunk of muscular tissue with branches 
made from malformed jaws. Assuming that SCP-827-A instances 
are remaining and still in contact after a period of approximately 2-3 
days, the instances will be digested and re-assimilated into 
SCP-827's mass. 


SCP-827 is only capable of assimilating human tissues. Attempts to 
introduce non-human tissues, including hair from lower primates and 
bone samples of extinct humanoids, has resulted in a deterioration 
of health in SCP-827. Furthermore, all liquid samples are rejected by 
SCP-827. 


Addendum: Sample Log 


Sample: Part of a human liver, donated by Dr. Ming. 

Note: Dr. Ming was suffering from liver failure, and due to a rare 
blood type, donated on the condition that the resultant organ be 
transplanted back into him. 

Result: After 12 hours, SCP-827 produced one apparently healthy 
human liver matching Dr. Ming's blood type. Transplant was 
successful; however, the SCP-827-A instance was incapable of 
producing bile or processing alcohol. Instead, it acted similar to a 
liver found in a human fetus, producing red blood cells. Dr. Ming 
developed primary polycythemia, and eventually died due to his 
condition. 


Sample: One pelvis and two femurs. 

Result: 7 hours after introduction, the surface of SCP-827 calcified 
entirely. Researchers present broke through the calcium shell, 
exposing the resultant SCP-827-A instance to the air. SCP-827-A 
instance resembled a human pelvis, but with a single joint where the 
coccyx would be located, with a single leg growing out of it. The 
instance had developed musculature due to improper cleaning 
procedures. Approximately 19 minutes after exposure, the instance 
was broken down by SCP-827. 


Sample: One male human head, with all tissue intact. Donor was a 
civilian, decapitated in an industrial accident. 
Result: Sample was digested in 2 hours. 36 hours later, resultant 


Before the argument could persist Moose Man stood up, his 
enormous hairy frame almost bringing him up to the room's ceiling. 


"That is enough from you all. This is supposed to be a constructive 
meeting, not a contest of who has the best stories or is the least 
terrible. If you weren't terrible you wouldn't be here." 


Grumbling, Duke sat back down in his seat. As his chair creaked 
from his weight, a wave of awkwardness washed over the room. For 
a few seconds, nobody spoke. Then The Moose Man coughed a 
little, and asked; 


"Anybody want to go next?" 


"| will," said the Palauan woman emitting thick, black viscous fluids 
from her body. "My name is Dolores, and | was -ARC'd." 


There was a long silence. 


"Hey, wait a minute here, ain't it supposed to be just decomms in 
this here support group?" asked Joey, turning his attention to The 
Moose Man. There was a murmur of agreement from the rest of the 
assembled cretins. 


"Well yes," sighed The Moose Man, his odorous breath incinerating 
the nose hairs of all those around him. "That's nominally what we 
are here for, but | invited Dolores here because she's the most 
hated -ARC, and has it just as bad as you all do. Now show our 
guest some respect." He stomped his big sweaty, smelly feet on the 
floor, indicating the matter was closed. 


Dolores sneezed a little, and began speaking. "My name is Dolores, 
and | am the sufferer of the world's sorrows. You might think that 
gets a person a very large amount of work in the fiction writing, but | 
am mistaken in that. Nobody wants to write the stories about me, all 
they do is look at me and say how awful | am." 


"That's because you are awful." Duke sneered, leaned back in his 
chair and shot her the meanest look he could muster. "You're by far 
the worst -ARC." 


"Duke!" admonished The Moose Man, his hideous nostril flares 


indicating an imminent lecture. However, before he could proceed, 
the other -D's began to speak up. 


The Invincible D-Class was the first to pipe up. "You can be quiet 
Duke, none of us want to hear it." 


"Yeah." Joey sat up in his seat. "You can take all these comments of 
yours and shove 'em right up your ass. You just like to tear other 
people down." 


Duke looked at him angrily. "So what if | do? You people have 
nowhere lower to go. All you do is wax about how you really aren't 
that bad, but you are. You suck. The only person who has produced 
anything worthwhile abouts this place is me!" 


"Oh please," the Invincible D-Class scoffed. "You have the most 
ridiculous, over the top decomm on the database. Peanuts is much 
lower key, and is clearly more realisti-" 


Ben the Cyborg cut him off. "My termination log helped build the 
character of Dr. Gears in a way no other tale had before it! Clearly 
my decommissioning log is the one which should be considered 
superior!" 


The Moose Man raised his hideous wrinkled hands up in the air and 
spoke in a booming, spittle filled voice. "GENTLEMEN! This 
discussion will get us nowhere. And you're all wrong anyways. | 
have the best decomm log of any of us!" 


A collective groan emanated from the assembled party. 


"Bullshit you have the best one." Joey leaped to his hind legs. "Your 
log doesn't have one interesting thing happen!" 


Dolores spoke up. "| agree with-" 


"Shut up Dolores, this doesn't concern a mere -ARC," growled Duke, 
rising to his feet and grimacing. "The only thing that can make these 
boneheads see the truth is a beating!" 


Scarcely had the words left Dukes lips before The Moose Man used 
one of his disgusting hairy hands to smack him upside his vampiric 


cranium. 

"Stop instigating violence! And admit that my story is best!" 
"No mine is!" 

"No, MINE!" 


As the bickering dissolved into straight up arguing, and finally into 
fistfights, the coffee cup watched with its holy, judgmental eye. It 
saw that their mortal flaws would never let them work together 
towards a peaceful purpose. It saw their failures, and it did not 
approve. 


And besides, it had the best decomm story of them all. 


The Battle of the Toys: The Defense Of Hive Skittles 


"You know what, Em, working here isn't so bad," Junior Research 
Karly Gonzales noted. 


Senior Researcher Emily Sze looked at her. "What makes you say 
that?" 


Karly put together some of her Mega Blok figurines while having 
snacked away at the Skittles. "| mean, yeah, the work's hard, but the 
pay is good, the working conditions themselves aren't bad, and this 
break room is the best!" She crammed a few more Skittles into her 
mouth before continuing. "| mean, candy and Lego! This is the best!" 


Emily stifled a giggle, watching Karly barely containing her easily 
excitable nature. "Karly, you realize those are Mega Bloks, right? 
They're not actual Lego, more of a ripoff series." Karly stuck her 
tongue out at her, before their watches began to beep. 


"Ah, back to work, then!" Karly placed her figurines and her 
creations near the Skittle jars, and she hopped off with Emily back to 
her station. 


Unknowingly, SCP-387 was nearby, and Karly did not read the part 
about Mega Bloks. 


Jack felt something was off in the air. 


He has felt this feeling before, perhaps in a past life, but now the 
feeling is stronger. Like a temptation, an unrighteous urge, calling to 
him. 


Something horrible was beyond the Great Crystal Tower of Rainbow 
Orbs. Something landed there with the force of a pouncing cat, and 
it was slowly beckoning to him, calling, no, RAGING at him to come 
to complete his calling. 


His mind went blank as he began to go berserk. 


The Fortress-Monastery of the Inward Halo chapter stood proud, in 
its corner of Hive Skittles, known to the locals as Blocksville. The 
Space Marines of the revered chapter regularly interacted with the 
town populace, a callback to their hallowed lineage to the 
Salamanders of old. 


Terminator Chaplain Deonus sat at the fountain, preaching to the 
gathered children about the importance of faith, about the 
importance about their belief in the Emperor, when he heard a 
mother shriek in the distance, and a police motorcycle crashing into 
a pole. The children, all curious, began to wander towards the sound 
of that horrible noise. Deonus, the hundreds of wars having 
tempered him, immediately called for his brothers’ aid, and powered 
his Crozius before marching over, the servos in his suit carrying his 
impressive form over to the crash site. 


The gathered children and officers moved aside for the Chaplain, as 
he approached the site of the crash, expecting to find a woman 
merely hit by the out-of-control vehicle. Such was tragedy in a large 
hive, he assumed. His armored fist casually picked up the damage 
motorcycle, when he felt unholy limbs touch his armor. 


The motorcycle carried the remnants of Jack, horrifically mutated by 
the powers of Chaos, attempting to lash out at him. With 
contemptuous ease, Deonus stomped down on the spawn's head, 
ending its pitiful life. Before he could look up, he saw the horrors of 
the Warp spewing its bastard creations all over Blocksville, the 
rampant signs of corruption making its way through the streets. 


"WHO DARES DEFILE THE SANCTITY OF THIS HIVE?!" His 
ancient voice, magnified by his armor's vox-boosters, was enough to 
cause a few officers to fly. Hefting his Crozius and his storm bolter, 
he stood in front of the mewling wave of mutants, banging his fist 
against his chest. "FACE ME, WRETCHED SCUM, AND | MAY 
GRANT YOU YOUR ABSOLUTION IN DEATH!" The mutants 
screeched and rushed him as one, while Deonus rushed forward, 
his Crozius alight in a killing blaze. 


"Karly, what did you do?!" Em looked in the break room in sheer 
horror at the Lego firefight taking place. 


Karly, along with Researchers Harris, Jordans, and Jays, looked into 
the room with the same level of horror matching Emily's face. "| was 
just building with Mega Bloks! | didn't know THIS would happen!" 


Harris laughed. "Guess someone didn't read all the paperwork." He 
watched a mess of a minifig hit the glass, its individual components 
shattering as if the person hit a forcefield at Mach 10. "Well, this isn't 
our mess, so you have to deal with it yourself.” 


Karly's face dropped. "Fine, fine... stupid seniors..." She donned her 
goggles, and grasped the knob handle, her clipboard ready to shield 
her from stray projectiles. 


It was clean-up time. 


"TASTE NOCTURNE'S DUST, CHAOS TRASH!" Terminator 
Chaplain Deonus lifted his Crozius overhead, and brought it down 
with the Emperor's righteous fury, utterly destroying the mutant's 
head. Beside him, Brother-Captain Adaris swung his hammer 
around, launching a nearby car at unholy speed and destroying a 
swatch of incoming mutants with the impromptu projectile. 


As the civilians around them fled the battle, those two imposing 
marines alone held the main road leading to the Crystal Tower, 
where the mutants were coming from. Undeterred by the sheer 
numbers against them, they held their stance, awaiting the next tide 
of filth to come so that they may cleanse. 


However, all became still, the mutants ceasing their motion, while 
Brother-Captain Adaris and Chaplain Deonus also frozen in time. 
"Chaplain, the Enemy has come upon us! The magicks of the Warp 
hold us still!" 


However, Deonus felt something different. He looked at his Crozius, 
its holy field still alight. "No, Brother-Captain," he clarified, "the 
Enemy is not here. Instead, our Emperor has come, to protect that 
which is His." 


As they were held still, holy hands began to descend from the 
heavens, taking the mutants up and utterly destroying them. Adaris 
and Deonus could only simply watch with undisguised awe as those 
hands took the mutants apart, like blinding beams of lightning, 
striking the Enemy wherever they stood and cleansing the Hive of 
their incorrigible corruption. As quick as the hands took the Enemy, 
it brought back those who were overcome, those who were 
unfortunate enough to have been overtaken and forcibly warped. 


As the Hands finally stopped the grand cleansing, one of its fingers 
reached down, and gently stroked Deonus on the head. The hand 
finally withdrew, and as the overflowing presence left, both Space 
Marine officers felt the motion return to their bodies, their Power 
Armor spirits finally obeying their wills once more. 


"Chaplain, praise be to the Emperor, for He forgives and protects!" 
Aaaris hefted his hammer high, in praise to their Savior. 


Deonus, however, was a bit more off-kilter, still mentally recovering 
from having been personally blessed by the God-Emperor... 
herself? "Surely the Empress has more taste than those hot-pink 
nails, correct?" 


The five researchers finally put the Mega Bloks away, sealing it in its 
container. 


Karly sighed. "That was such a pain in the ass, separating each 
piece!" 


"You have to be sure, otherwise they would continue to act up," 
commented Harris. 


Em looked at the bustling city once more, only to see... "Karly, look!" 
All five looked, and Karly just about passed out from the sight. 


The chaplain she touched had commissioned a giant golden brick 
statue of her, and the minifigs were giving it worship! 


Emily sighed. "I think you won the office betting pool this month, 
Karly." 


Deliverance 


Note: This is part eleven in a multi-part story based 
around the events leading up to the containment of 
SCP-2982. It is recommended that you read the previous 
entry Endings first, or start from the beginning At the 
Library. You can take a look at Golan too, for a tale 
based on one of the tests of the SCP object. 


Geoff Mansani almost ran past her, such was his desire to get away. 
Helen called his name and he stopped abruptly. "Come on," he 
hissed. "We have to get out of here." 


He helped her to her feet. He looked ashen. 


Helen saw the cold sweat seeping through his clothes. "What's 
happening? Where's Aidan?"