Special Containment Procedures: SCP-3999-J is to be contained 
at Site-42 in specialized containment wing R. On 25 JUNE 2014, 
Researcher James Talloran volunteered to dedicate around-the- 
clock support to containing SCP-3999-J. As such, Researcher 
Talloran has been forbidden from leaving containment wing R under 
threat of lethal force. All visiting researchers to containment wing R 
must be cleared by Researcher Talloran. 


Additionally, containment wing R has the following requirements: 


« The enclosure must be cleaned daily. All organic matter is to 

be collected and disposed of. Soiled linens are to be washed 

and all surfaces of the primary containment enclosure must be 

sanitized. 

Supplies and provisions are to be restocked daily. Researcher 

Talloran should be consulted every morning to determine any 

necessary special provisions or supplies for that day. 

Crews are to remain on hand at all times to service and fuel all 

vehicles in the containment track. 

Mobile Task Force Lambda-3 ("Bounty Hunters") has been 

established to contain SCP-3999-J. In addition to standard 

armaments, MTF L3 is to maintain an arsenal of "iCombat" 

laser guns. 

¢ The indoor containment pool must be kept at 29°C, while the 
auxiliary containment tub must be kept at 40°C 


Description: SCP-3999-J is an entity capable of causing an XK 
End-Of-World scenario at will. Accounts of its appearance are 
inconsistent, and it is believed that it can shapeshift. It can appear 
as a half-bear, half-man creature with many tentacles coming out of 
its back, or a nondescript human. Originally, it made stubborn 


demands for food and large sums of US currency, but Researcher 
Talloran has devised several containment strategies to keep its 
effects at bay. 


SCP-3999-J's secondary effect is an anti-memetic field that erases 
all memories of itself from anyone who views it. This effect occurs in 
real-time, so the entity appears invisible. However, Researcher 
Talloran is immune to the anti-memetic effect. Studies are underway 
to determine Researcher Talloran's unique immunity to SCP-3999-J. 


UPDATE 05 JANUARY 2015: Guest Researchers Candi Madison, 
Jackie Love, and Emma Angel have agreed to indefinitely assist 
Researcher Talloran in containment efforts. 


UPDATE 05 MARCH 2015: Guest Researchers Mitch Talloran and 
Trevor Mason were both confirmed to be immune to SCP-3999-J, 
and have agreed to indefinitely assist Researcher James Talloran in 
containment efforts. 


UPDATE 19 APRIL 2015: Guest Researchers Alexa Cuti and Ivy 
Hart have agreed to indefinitely assist Researcher Talloran in 
containment efforts. 


Documents 3999-J-1-3: These transcripts document the first known 
encounter with SCP-3999-J. 


STAFF: Hello, front desk. 

RESEARCHER TALLORAN: Yes, this is James 
Talloran. Can you ask the cafeteria to send up a 
cheeseburger and fries to my desk? I'm working late 
tonight. 

STAFF: Uhhh... let me check. No, sorry. You're not on 
the list. Only essential containment personnel can 
request meal delivery. 

RESEARCHER TALLORAN: Oh. | see. Well, uhm, I've 
got a Keter entity here and | need a cheeseburger and 
fries to contain it. 

STAFF: [sigh] Whatever. Take it up with Containment. 
Extension 3333. 


CONTAINMENT: Hello, containment, what is your 
emergency? 

RESEARCHER TALLORAN: Yes, this is Researcher 
Talloran. I'm in room 402B and I've got a, ahem, Keter 
entity here and | need a cheeseburger and fries to 
contain it. 

CONTAINMENT: Right away sir! Cheeseburger and 
fries, stat! What is the designation of the Keter entity? 
RESEARCHER TALLORAN: It's... new. And it wants a 
Coke also. 

CONTAINMENT: Yes sir! Stay where you are sir! Do not 
move! Do not engage the Keter entity! Wait for 
containment forces to arrive! 


MTF-DELTA-1: SIR, DO NOT MOVE. WHERE IS THE 
KETER ENTITY? 

RESEARCHER TALLORAN: It's... right there in the 
corner. What, you can't see it? 

MTF-DELTA-1: KETER ENTITY, STAND DOWN. 
RESEARCHER TALLORAN: It... it says to put the food 
on my desk. 

MTF-DELTA-1: SIX TWO SIX, PRESENT THE 
PACKAGE. 

MTF-DELTA-626: SIR YES SIR. 

RESEARCHER TALLORAN: Of, it, it disappeared! 
Great job MTF! 


Document 3999-J-2713: This transcript documents the latest 
information on SCP-3999-J's containment. 


DIRECTOR LYCUS: James, it's a great thing you do. | 
don't know how you can handle it, keeping that thing at 
bay all these years. 

RESEARCHER TALLORAN: It's no trouble, director, 
really. 

DIRECTOR LYCUS: How are the latest containment 
procedures working? 

RESEARCHER TALLORAN: Oh, they're great. The 
containment course was really a great idea. By driving 


around it at high speeds in those super cars, we're able 
to really just, uh, contain the hell out of three-nine-nine- 
nine. 

DIRECTOR LYCUS: Does this mean the old 
containment procedures are no longer necessary? You 
don't need the pool or the containment buffet anymore? 
RESEARCHER TALLORAN: Uhn,, no sir, not at all sir, 
those are still absolutely, absolutely necessary. | mean 
the cars only work on it for so long, sir. It, unm, adapts to 
them quickly, you know, and only by, wrestling with it into 
that pool with my fellow researchers can we really, you 
know, keep it contained. And the buffet, | mean, three- 
nine-nine-nine wants that like five or six times a day, so 
that's, no, we need to keep that. 

DIRECTOR LYCUS: Roger that. So all of your previous 
containment procedures are still effective? 
RESEARCHER TALLORAN: Yeah, yeah. But listen, you 
know, the bar by the pool, three-nine-nine-nine, well | 
think he's adapting to the selection there, | was hoping to 
restock with some different varieties. 

DIRECTOR LYCUS: Absolutely, I'll approve it. Anything 
else? 

RESEARCHER TALLORAN: Yeah, I'll be putting in 
another order for xbox games, three-nine-nine-nine has 
adapted to all of those also. 

DIRECTOR LYCUS: Of course. 

RESEARCHER TALLORAN: Hey can we cut this short? 
| gotta run. | need to, go uh, oversee Candi and Alexa. 
DIRECTOR LYCUS: Godspeed to you. 


UPDATE 05 AUGUST 2017: SCP-3999-J has demonstrated the 
ability to memetically affect remote individuals, causing them to 
hallucinate. This typically manifests as illusions of Researcher 
Talloran entering and leaving the containment facility. It also 
manifested remotely when one off-duty scientist hallucinated 
Researcher Talloran entering a casino, and later that day when 
another staff member hallucinated seeing Researcher Talloran 
purchasing an automobile. On that same occasion, an entire team of 
containment personnel hallucinated picking up Researcher Talloran 


at a hospital after they hallucinated him drunkenly text them that he 
had crashed into a parked car. Researcher Talloran's investigation 
into this new ability is ongoing. 


SCP-O5-J: Sorry, | do not understand the command. 


WARNING 


The following SCP file (SCP-O5-J) has been classified 
TOP SECRET by order of the O5 Council. 


UNAUTHORISED PERSONNEL WILL BE 
TERMINATED UPON ATTEMPTING TO 
ACCESS FILE SCP-O5-J VIA MEMETIC 
KILL AGENT 


YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED 


SCP-547: The Cartesian Business Card 


Item #: SCP-547 
Object Class: Safe 


Special Containment Procedures: SCP-547 is to be stored inside 
a plain black envelope which in turn is to be stored in the security 
deposit box located in Dr ’s office. No Foundation employee is to 
access SCP-547 without Dr ’s consent, and SCP-547 itself 
should only be handled by test subjects. Please note that any 
persons exposed to SCP-547's effects are subject to class D status. 


Description: SCP-547 is an off-white standard size business card 
(85 mm x 55 mm) for , a licensed hypnotherapist from 

, UK. The front of the card is unremarkable and inert. On the 
reverse, the phrase “Je pense donc...?” is written in black ball-point 
pen. The modified side of SCP-547 is a cognitohazard and should 
be treated with the relevant precautions. 


In all cases, reading and understanding the phrase has ultimately 
resulted in a complete loss of personality, and a greatly reduced 
awareness of self. Test subjects have been able to perform most 
basic tasks, and nearly all are still capable of soeech. Subjects are, 
however, incapable of any subjective thought and emotion beyond 
the rational and immediate. The effects of SCP-547 are 
degenerative, with full manifestation occurring approximately ten 
weeks after exposure. Several stages have been observed: 


Exposure- 1 week: No substantial change in personality. Subjects 
may occasionally forget personal details or answer to a name other 
than their own. 


1-6 weeks: Subjects begin to show confusion as to their own 
identity and key facts regarding their lives. See interview SCP-547-A 
for further details. 


EXTENDED LIFE SIGNS DETECTED 
AUTHORISED PERSONNEL VERIFIED 
ACCESSING TERMINAL LOG 8675309 


yes 


There is one (1) SCP document awaiting approval on 
your server. 


Do you wish to access Terminal Alpha-19-O5-J-B2-97- 
Omega-Delta-Beta-Safe-Euclid-Keter-Thaumiel- 
Explained-Neutralised-Apollyon-Embla- 
AndTheOtherOnes-1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10-11-12-13-14-15-16-17-18-19 


WARNING! SECONDARY SECURITY COUNTER 
MEASURES ACTIVATED! PLEASE STAND BV... 


Memetic lock agent activating. 


are you fucking kidding me 


What [REDACTED] did you just say about me, you 
[REDACTED]? I'll have you know | graduated top of my 
class in the [REDACTED], and I’ve been involved in 
[DATA EXPUNGED], and | have over confirmed 
[REDACTED]. | am trained in [REDACTED] and I’m the 
top [REDACTED] in the entire [REDACTED]. You are 
nothing to me but just another [REDACTED]. | will [DATA 
EXPUNGED], mark my [REDACTED]. You think you can 
get away with saying that [REDACTED] to me over the 
[REDACTED]? Think again, [REDACTED]. As we speak 
| am [DATA EXPUNGED] and [DATA EXPUNGED] so 
you better prepare for the storm, [REDACTED]. The 
[REDACTED] that wipes out the [REDACTED] little thing 
you call [REDACTED]. You’re [REDACTED], kid. | can 
be [REDACTED], [REDACTED], and | can [REDACTED] 
you in over [REDACTED] ways, and that’s just with my 


[REDACTED]. Not only am | extensively trained in 
[REDACTED] combat, but | have access to the entire 
[DATA EXPUNGED] and | will use it to its full extent to 
wipe [REDACTED] off the face of the continent, you 
[REDACTED]. If only you could have known what 
[REDACTED] your little “clever” [REDACTED] was about 
to bring down upon you, maybe you would have [DATA 
EXPUNGED]. But you couldn't, you didn’t, and now 
you're [REDACTED], you [REDACTED]. | will 
[REDACTED] all over you and you will [REDACTED] in 
it. You’re [DATA EXPUNGED], kiddo. 


Extended life signs detected. 


access Terminal Alpha-19-O5-J-B2-97-Omega-Delta-Beta-Safe- 
Euclid-Keter- Thaumiel-Explained-Neutralised-Apollyon-Embla- 
AndTheOtherOnes- 1 -2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10-11-12-13-14-15-16-17-18-19-20-2 


Please enter your password. 
O5-3HasAMassivePenis 

Password accepted. 

Please enter your custom keyphrase. 
No. 

Custom keyphrase accepted. Welcome, O5-6. 


Please click on this command to visit the verification 
page. 


jason i'm going to fuck you up the next time we meet i know that's a 
berryman-langford sleep meme from the link and i'm not inoculated 
against it. we don't even have proper verification pages. would it kill 
you to use the link shortener? oh wait it would, since you'd have to 
sift through the database with all the other memes, you arrogant 
fountain-hogging lizard-baiting 231 fetishist 


Sorry, | do not understand the command. 


override 
Enter override code. 
05-3lsTheKingOfSexAndHasltOnWithO5-6'sMumEveryWeekend 
Override accepted. 
help 
What would you like help with? Enter your query below. 
how do you change an override code 


Please contact O5-3 to change any of your passwords or 
secure phrases. 


fuck you jason 


Confirmed. Initiating call to Mobile Task Force M69 to 
engage in sexual intercourse with O5-3. 


NONONO STOP STOP STOP CANCEL 
Confirmed. 
access SCP-O5-J 


Downloading SCP-O5-J to your secure drive... 


SCP-05-J (proposal) 


Item #: SCP-O5-J 
Object Class: Keter 
Security Level: 05 


Special Containment Procedures: SCP-O5-J must be visited by 
O5-6 and several other senior staff members every Saturday to 
ensure their "needs" are met and that they are contained effectively. 


SCP-O5-J will be held at their house, with permission to leave and 
interact with others as they please. SCP-O5-J is Keter because they 
may seek out and entrap other humans - this is permitted and O5-6 
is to watch this process every time it occurs. 
Description: SCP-O5-J is O5-6's mum. 
deny 

Are you sure you want to deny? 
YES 


Would you like to leave a message to the article author? 


Jason this isn't funny, I'm sorry | sent that text to your sister but this 
has to stop. Please stop clogging up my approval queue with these 
fake entries and please stop implying that you had sex with my 
mother. You didn't. | know you didn't. | hope you didn't. 

Confirmed. 
god damn it 


Sorry, | do not understand the command. 


6-9 weeks: Subjects begin to regress towards final stage of 
infection. Mannerisms and turns of phrase associated with subject 
begin to disappear and speech begins to lack inflection and emotion. 


10 weeks and beyond: Psychological and cognitive effects 
previously described are fully manifest. See interview SCP-547-B for 
further details. 


+ Interview SCP-547-A 


Subject D-547-Tau is a Caucasian male aged 35. Time 
since exposure to SCP-547: 5 weeks 2 days. 


Dr : Good morning, subject Tau, I’m Dr . Records 
say your name is . ls that correct? 
D-547-Tau: It is. 


: Very good. Tell me a little bit about yourself, 
D: Where should | start? 


: Well, how about a little regarding your early life? Any 
happy memories? 


D: Oh yes. Every summer, my parents used to rent this 
place in Maine. | loved it there. Sandy beaches, those 
quaint little lighthouses. Lobster dinners. | remember my 
mom telling me, “Henry, if th-“ 


: Hang on, can | stop you there? Why did your mother 
refer to you as Henry? 


D: Because that’s my name. 


: You confirmed your name as 30 seconds 
ago. 


D: | did? I- 


: Please, continue. 


SCP-5417-J: The Deadly Nackle 


Item #: SCP-5417-J 
Object Class: is call keter 


Special Containment Procedures: Just make it far away from us, 
okay big guys? SCP-5417-J stay in its home of crystal and shiny, 
thank you big guys. Also is contain song we sing make 5417-J stay 
in home. Please memory it: 


It is no for good 

It is no for spackle 

Please stay home it should 
Beware the bad Nackle 


Description: SCP-5417-J is small white squares of deadly!, some 
time fall from sky. When it touch us burn awful. Make us dead. 
Please keep deadly in container of crystal and shiny. That its home, 
big guys. If big guys must eat deadly, please keep on big guys food 
not fall on tiny doctors. 


Addendum 1: On many day ago, Dr. Tropod have SCP-5417-J fall 
on him. He die bad pain. Horrible. | cry for him. Dr. M'Lusk also sad, 
stay in his house 3 day. No work get done. He quote "This worse 
day since SCP-38992 breach its home devour many tiny doctors, 
entire MTF team ‘Pepper’ gone." 


Addendum 2: Apology for my goo on letter buttons big guys - Dr. 
Sluggo 


Addendum 3: Also thank for tiny labcoats big guys. Are practical. - 
Dr. Cargot 


Addendum 4: Request tiny pocket protects. Ink bad mix with goo. 
Thank. - Dr. Eyestalks 


Addendum 5: Uh, request granted, | guess. Researcher Yuuki 
made them for you. - Dr. Corden 


Addendum 6: Thank big guys, you best! We decide you security 
clear upgrade now Helix level. Access grant to visit tiny doctor 
houses if big guys can learn be tiny too. - Dr. Cargot 


Footnotes 
1. Also call "the Nackle" 
2. Mr. Baguettes, worst Mister 


SCP-1049-J: The Grim Bucket 


Item #: SCP-1049-J 
Object Class: Safe