CFO: "And in the meantime you're burning through 
easily 15% of the budget on those damnable things. 
After that little... incident last year, we don't have the 
resources to keep funding projects that aren't producing. 


VP of Sales, J. Smith: "| don't have the exact numbers 


in front of me, but the market research department 
estimates that Wondertainment has sales in excess of 
thirty-seven million dollars per year. If we can adapt that 
into profit for us..." 


CEO: "There's another wrinkle to this that came up 
earlier this week. Jennifer, if you would?" 


VP of Legal Affairs, J. Wilkins, Esq.: "On Tuesday, we 
had a little message delivered to the production facility in 
Perth. Apparently we have a cease-and-desist from 
Wondertainment, in their usual delightful way. In short, if 
we don't stop trying to breach their trade secrets, they're 
going to sue us. Or as they so colorfully put it, 'get a visit 
from Mister Law-and-Order.' We already have enough 
trouble getting the production permits in Australia right 
now; the last thing we need is a major industrial 
espionage suit on our hands. | strongly recommend 
halting development on Wondertainment products." 


VP R&D: "What?! NO! Do you have any idea how 
close-" 


CEO: (interrupting) "Kumar, stop. You've already said 
your team is at leasta month away from completion and 
frankly, we don't need another situation on our plate right 
now like what happened in Adelaide. I'm calling a formal 
vote to halt operations with regards to Wondertainment 
products and redirect resources to other product 
development. All in favor?" 


CEO, COO, CFO, VP Legal: "Aye." 
CEO: "All opposed?" 
VP R&D, VP Sales: "Nay." 


CEO: "The ayes have it. Kumar, wind down that unit as 
soon as possible. | want you to provide an update to me 
and Frank in two weeks. Next on the agenda, market 
penetration into Indochina." 


End of excerpt. 


The Stranger and the Secretary 


"Oh my, hello!" exclaimed the secretary, her wide smile unwavering 
despite her surprise at the rather abrupt appearance of the stranger 
now standing before her. He looked very out of place here, his dark 
grey suit and hat clashing poorly with the colorful backdrop of the 
office, and his serious expression was definitely out of place. Didn't 
he know where he was? "What can | do for you, sir?" 


"I'd like to take a look at your stock, if you don't mind,” replied the 
stranger, his voice as stern and serious as his face. If the secretary 
didn't know any better, she would have said this odd man did not 
want to be here. "| understand you are the people to go to if one is 
looking for... interesting items." 


The secretary practically leaped from her desk in excitement and 
clapped her hands together. It wasn't often they received visitors, 
and tours happened even less often than that. "Absolutely! I'd be 
more than happy to show you around! Follow me, please!" She 
gestured for the stranger to follow her. The stranger nodded and 
accompanied the secretary down the hall. 


"We are very excited that you are interested in Doctor 
Wondertainment's products. As you are probably aware, Doctor 
Wondertainment has created many unique and interesting toys, all 
of which have come to find loving homes with children around the 
world. From the humble Super Paper to the grand Amaze-O Diving 
Tank, Doctor Wondertainment's products are guaranteed to put a 
smile on a child's face, or your money back!" The secretary laughed 
at her little "joke" as the stranger remained silent, showing no sign of 
interest or enthusiasm. 


The secretary (who was now feeling rather uncomfortable with her 
guest) cleared her throat loudly, then asked, "So what sort of toy are 
you looking for? We have a wide variety of products that can create 
almost any kind of experience you're looking to give a young one 
close to you. For instance, if you know a little girl who has always 


wanted to be a princess, she'd absolutely love a Wondertainment 
Royal Kingdom Playset, where she can be the princess of her very 
own kingdom! Or, if you're shopping for a boy who loves exploring, 
give him a thrill with a Wondertainment Safariventu-" 


"I'm not looking for an experience," the stranger interrupted, 
sounding rather annoyed at the secretary's nonstop sales pitch. "I'm 
looking for ideas, something that provides answers and set m- the 
one I'm shopping for on the right path. | don't know if you have 
anything like that, so if you do not please let me know now so we 
don't waste any more of each other’s time." 


Undeterred by the stranger's rude interruption, the secretary smiled 
as the pair came to an intersection in the hall. "I think we can 
accommodate your needs." The secretary looked down each of the 
three halls, paused, then began briskly walking down the left hall, 
still eager to hopefully unite this odd man with a toy that put a smile 
on his face. The hall was lined with plain wooden doors, each 
leading to a small white room, and a window next to each door to 
see inside. 


The secretary paused, then started again on another sales pitch. 
"Here we have Doctor Wondertainment's newest line of Little 
Misters. From its outset, Doctor Wondertainment has striven to bring 
happiness to children, and the Little Misters series is the most 
ambitious attempt at doing so. Other products are designed as toys, 
inanimate things that can be picked up and put down on a whim. 
While Doctor Wondertainment's are the most whimsical toys in this 
or any other universe, it's a sad fact that they can't truly fulfill a 
child's needs in the long term. Companionship, trust, love, agency, 
acceptance... these are what children need to grow, to succeed and 
to attain lifetime happiness. This is where the Little Misters come in. 
Each of our Little Misters are designed to be the best friend of the 
child they accompany, while remaining fun and exciting. Through 
this, a child has an ally, someone to help find their path." 


The secretary stopped next to a window, and the stranger peered 
inside. Sitting in the middle of the room was a dark mass of gas that 
was vaguely humanoid shaped, not moving even to breathe. "For 
example, this is Mister Miasma, who has the ability to possess any 
organism, living or otherwise, and make it his own. In doing this, 


Mister Miasma will always be able to be with his child in any 
situation,” said the secretary. With no feedback coming from the 
stranger, the duo moved to the next window. 


In this room was a man, dressed in all black and wearing face paint 
to look like a mime. The man appeared to be laughing raucously, 
pacing energetically from one corner of the room to another. "This is 
Mister Tears, who is able to make others feel sad with every word 
he says. While it may sound counterintuitive to make children feel 
bad, this actually teaches children that it is okay to be sad, and that 
everyone sheds tears, even adults," said the secretary, hoping that 
her makeshift explanation was enough to justify this Mister's 
existence to the stranger. Still getting no response, the secretary 
moved to the next window. 


"And this is Mister Nobody." 


The stranger snapped to attention, his interest fully piqued as he 
peered through the window. In this room sat another man, wearing 
no clothes but having no reproductive organs to cover up. His skin 
was pure white and he had no hair on his body. Relieved that she 
had finally found something that caught the strangers’ attention, the 
secretary knocked on the door. Mister Nobody stood up from his 
chair and walked over to the window, allowing the stranger to get a 
good look at his face. The Mister's expressionless face was as white 
as the rest of his body, and his eyes had no color to them at all. 


"Mister Nobody represents the ultimate friend: one without any 
previous life whatsoever. When children make friends, it's inevitable 
that somewhere along the line they make rifts between each other, 
gaps that are born out of each others differences. These rifts can 
often break friendships and leave children more alone than ever. 
Mister Nobody is the answer to this problem: he has no biases, no 
conflicting issues, no previous life whatsoever to speak of! 
Everything about him is designed to give him no identity whatsoever. 
This way, children can create their own identity for him, to mold him 
and create the perfect friend." The secretary smiled and looked at 
the stranger eagerly. She could tell this one was a winner. "Tell me; 
what are your thoughts about Mister Nobody, sir?" 


The stranger looked at the secretary, paused, and looked back at 


Mister Nobody. Though his face held no expression whatsoever, the 
stranger could see sadness behind the blank eyes, an unknown 
yearning for that most basic right all living beings should possess. 
The stranger stared into that emptiness for a long time before 
responding. "I think this would be a horrible existence." 


The secretary cocked her head to the side, confused. "I'm sorry?" 


The stranger took a deep breath before continuing. "I think that 
having no identity whatsoever would be a horrible life to have. Can't 
you even begin to imagine what that's like? Being only given 
whatever identity that's assigned to you at any given moment, never 
truly knowing what it's like to be you, all because someone or 
something else said that you didn't exist? That would be utter hell! 
You could wander the world, experience many incredible and 
amazing things that few others could ever hope to see... and you 
would still be miserable because in the end you would still know that 
ultimately you are alone." 


Taken aback by this sudden display of emotion, the secretary 
remained quiet for a moment before responding. Her voice shook as 
she tried to compose herself. "I- | think you may be overthinking 
Mister Nobody's situation, sir. After all, the point of Mister Nobody 
isn't that he doesn't have an identity, it's that he finds his identity. 
The moment he steps out into the world, he begins his quest to find 
out who he is, and he is helped by those around him. He won't 
always be this way, sir. Even if it takes him his entire life, Mister 
Nobody will find an identity of his own." 


The stranger looked at the secretary, this time with a strange look on 
his face. It was as though the idea of finding one's identity was an 
alien concept to him. His expression softened slightly, and he 
grasped the secretary's hand, shaking it. "Thank you very much for 
your time, however | must be on my way." And with that, the 
stranger bolted down the hall. 


The secretary ran after him, worried this man would get into trouble. 
"Sir! You must be accompanied at all times during the tour!" 
Eventually she reached the intersection, but there wasn't anyone 
down any of the halls. Sighing, the secretary walked back to her 
desk. If the stranger got into any more trouble now, it wasn't her 


fault. 


Meanwhile, enclosed in his small white room, Mister Nobody sat as 
patiently as always. Though they didn't know it, he was able to hear 
every part of the conversation, and the strange man in the trench 
coat was right. It was lonely, being Mister Nobody. But the 
conversation sparked a new, foreign feeling in his mind, one he 
hadn't ever felt before. He didn't even have a name for it, but this 
feeling made him want to smile, and as he smiled he formed his very 
first independent thought. He repeated it to himself over and over 
and as he did the new feeling kept growing and growing. Finally, he 
spoke the words that inspired such strong feelings within him. 


"| will not be a nobody forever." 


examination. However, evidence suggests that they possess an 
unusually high level of intelligence and that they may retain specific 
knowledge and/or memories possessed by the humans they were 
created from. SCP-731-2 have proven extremely adept at 
overcoming puzzles and other challenges and are only rarely fooled 
by conventional rat traps. 


SCP-731-2 avoid human contact wherever possible and their 
endocrine responses suggest they are universally terrified by the 
presence of humans. When kept under observation in a laboratory 
setting this fear appears to override much or all of their higher brain 
functions, such as they may be, causing their behavior to appear 
similar to a normal rat's. This makes confirmation of their intellectual 
capabilities under controlled conditions difficult. Concealed cameras 
and microphones were hidden in the tunnels of the containment 
facility to observe converted rats in their 'natural’ environment. When 
unaware that they are being observed SCP-731-2 are highly social 
and appear to attempt to communicate in complex ways. Since the 
rats are far easier to contain than the teleporting manhole cover that 
produced them this study has been judged of low risk and 
SCP-731-2 have not been subject to routine extermination. 


When normal rats are introduced into cages with SCP-731-2, 
SCP-731-2 tend to be timid and exhibit submissive behavior toward 
their wild cousins. The normal rats do not appear to consider 
SCP-731-2 unusual. Mating behavior has been observed but it does 
not appear that these superficially similar species are interfertile. It is 
not yet known whether SCP-731-2 are fertile at all; SCP-731-2 
appear to have a longer lifespan and lower metabolic rate than 
natural rats, with a correspondingly reduced fecundity. This further 
reduces the potential risk of SCP-731-1's "progeny" escaping into 
the wild, though a population may still exist in 


For selected experiments, see Experiment Log 731 


« SCP-730 | SCP-731 | SCP-732 » 


Interlude: A Special Letter 


Document found among the personal effects of D W_ , 
recovered during Operation PURPLE ENVELOPE 


Dearest Aaron William Coolridge-Yates, 


You're one of Doctor Wondertainment's absolute bestest 
customers, ordering more tubes of Realitastic Amaz-o- 
paint!™ and blocks of Incredi-sculpt Wonderclay™ than 
ANYONE!!! Doctor Wondertainment is so impressed by 
your dedication that you get to joina VERY SPECIAL 
CLUB! reserved for only the most special fans! 


Included is your VERY OWN membership card for the 
"Doctor Wondertainment's Best Wonder-Pals 
Clubhouse™!" As a member, you get early access to 
some of Doctor Wondertainment's up-and-coming toys 
and games, as well as special offers only for Club 
Members! 


But THAT'S NOT ALL!! You're also getting an early 
copy of Doctor Wondertainment's newest product: The 
Build-Your-Own Enormo-gantic Structural Creativity 
Playset™, part of the new line of Build-Your-Own toys, 
coming just in time for all winter holidays! It has 
everything, including plenty of Snap-Tite Super- 
Dowels™, a full bolt of Doctor Wondertainment's 
Carbon-nanoweave Ultra-fabric™, and THREE full-size 
Funderful Magnetocubes™! 


And remember! Always have a funtastic time! 


Your most joyful Wonder-Pal! 
Doctor Wondertainment 


Interlude: An Exhibition 


Found in 2012, as part of the Library-curated exhibition: 


"Standing on the Shoulders of the Phoenix: Discovery and 
Rediscovery in Post-Millenial ReCreationist Anart" 


Michael Petrakovich 
Canadian, 1976-2043 


Every Day Is Wednesday 
2003-04 

Blood, sweat, and fears on canvas; 
Oils on juniper wood. 

Donated to the Library by the artist. 


The first piece produced by M. Petrakovich following his 
abandonment of the "shock and destroy" tactics of the 
art collective "Are We Cool Yet?", Every Day Is 
Wednesday is an important and breathtaking viewpoint 
into the artist's struggles to redefine himself as a member 
of the ReCreationist school of anart rather than as a 
Pseudo-Deconstructionist.