Lathma/Mental_Health_Conversation_Dataset huggingface dataset:
Question: Ive been in an on an off relationship with a this man for almost 3 years. Even though I care about him, he continues to hurt me.    He and his wife were separated when we met. Now he's going through a really difficult divorce from her and is taking it really hard. I want to end this relationship, but I don't feel like I can. How can I let go?

Answer: First decide what you truly would like in the current relationship. Understand your reasons for staying in the relationship.Three years is a substantial amount of time to be involved with someone.   Whatever attachment you feel toward this man is deep and complex.Instead of deciding to leave or not leave, change your question to figuring out your satisfactions and dissatisfaction with the man. Also important is to tell the man your feelings.Whatever problem you are feeling may become clarified by discussing what bothers you.At the very least, you will give the guy a chance to show how interested he actually is in the tension you currently feel and have felt for a while.
Question: I was in a relationship for almost five years. We were friends for a few years before we got into a relationship. He was a caring, friendly, and charming guy up until three and a half years in. He started controlling me: who I hung out with, where I was at all times, and he had a huge hissy fit if I tried to ask him the same questions. All that time, he just liked me as a friend and was cheating on me with my so-called friends. At the end, he was a nasty and narcissistic person. Now it’s hard to be social.

Answer: It sounds like you had a very confusing and painful experience in this relationship, and now you feel hesitant to let yourself get close to people. It is understandable that when we are hurt in relationships, we may have trouble trusting and allowing ourselves to be vulnerable with others.Therapy is a great place to explore the roots of present difficulties in relationships, to unpack what happened in prior relationships, and to find new ways to show up in relationships so that we can have the relaxed intimacy that we want. Often, relationship difficulties represent patterns of relating that we learn early in life which we may feel compelled to act on outside of our awareness and therapy provides an opportunity to become more aware of these patterns so that we can change them, enabling us to feel secure and to seek out satisfying companionship.
Question: We're not together, but I’m still doing things for him and we are intimate. He’s not there for his son.

Answer: You didn't ask a direct question because I feel from what you wrote you already know the answer.  I hate to sound harsh but I am a therapist that call it how I see it so brace yourself...You will always continue to have problems with letting your child's father go as long as you:Don't love or respect yourself first...Don't love and respect your son...Don't demand respect as a woman and mother...Give up the goods regardless of what he does for you or your son...Don't hold your son as a priority in your life....Have self worth of a $1, etc.I have a feeling you are saying...I do love my son and hold him as a priority even if you don't do it for yourself...I would ask...Are your actions of allowing such disrespect from his father proof of that?I know what I have said may have gotten under your skin...I want it to.... because I feel that you have a conscience, want to do better, know you and your son deserve better and you can do better.  Believe in yourself and that you and your son DO desire better and it starts with you setting boundaries with his father.  You can do  it!!!
Question: My husband told me last year he never loved me and should have never married me. He's been talking about divorce, but he hasn't filed. Now he has a girlfriend and he abandoned me and his kids. He has no financial help, and he has been out of the home for four months. He became very angry and mean. He says it's all my fault, and that we're not compatible.

Answer: It's hard to say that it is a midlife crisis stage..  could be... but so much more seems to be going on or have been going on to say with confidence that it is not much more.
Question: My husband used a lot of negative words to hurt me, and I moved out. He is seeing a counselor and wants another chance to make things right. I'm not sure if I trust that he will not go back to his old ways.

Answer: I am glad he is seeing a counselor.  That is something that most men struggle with doing at times.  Time will tell if his actions are of good intentions.  However remember that a person can only do to you what you allow them to do in relationships.   What part did you play?  Did you down play his disrespect at one time?  Did you give up the power of your own voice?  Did you lose yourself in the relationship and it became just one sided?  Did you allow him to make you doubt yourself?   In others words, if you do decide to give him another chance, what would you do different?  Not saying that you are the blame or cause of the negative words AT ALL, but don't allow such disrespect from him or anyone else in the future.  If you do decide to give it another try, go in with a voice, with the demand of respect, with your needs and wants expressed and expected.  With an increase in your self worth and confidence, you will know what to do if his actions are true or if with dishonest intentions.   Seek counseling as well, if you need that additional support to find self.
Question: My ex-boyfriend boyfriend and I lived together. He had a two year affair with a girl and had three pregnancies with her. One was an abortion, another was a miscarriage, and then she had the third baby. They are not together, but he continues to contact me and wants me back. He has nothing to offer me.

Answer: Hi Attica,This is a question I think a lot of people deal with...they feel confusion about why they can't forget about or get over (or stop connecting with) someone who they absolutely know isn't good for them. In your case, part of the problem is that he keeps trying to get back in touch with you. For some people, honestly, it's a game... to see how much power they have over you or it's their need to control you. If you don't want contact from this person, it's really important to give him clear messages about boundaries ("Don't contact me again"), and then ignore all of their communications. Any interactions or responses from you at all will feed their behaviour. Remind yourself why you don't want to be with them. I hear you doing that already when you say "he has nothing to offer me". That's great self-talk.But let's get back to the question of why we have a hard time letting go of people like this. Sometimes it's because we still hope they will change. Maybe we remember who they used to be or how they used to treat us, and we think it can go back to the way it felt in those "good old days". The problem there is that, over the first few years, as intimacy grows, people tend to show more of who they are, not less. So what they're eventually showing you is who they are and what they're capable of. People do change and grow, but it won't happen at your pace. Accept that person for who they are and stop expecting them to change. Another reason we can't let go is because we picture our ex with someone new in the future and we wonder if they will be a better person for the next partner in their life. This is a normal... but not a healthy... thought. It's as though we want them to stay, maybe apologize, and heal our hurts; maybe make up for past mistakes. You deserve that healing, you deserve better than you got, you deserve apologies, but to expect that from the person who hurt you and hasn't demonstrated that compassion as yet is probably foolhardy. It is my belief that underlying some of the above scenarios is the deep belief that we must somehow be responsible for the hurts our exes have caused. If you blame yourself in any way for someone's poor treatment of you, you will be dancing around trying to do things differently so that they can treat you better. It will be impossible to let go, because you blame yourself for their behaviours.Draw a line. Their behaviours are about them, not you, and the only solution is to challenge and reduce thoughts of them, and create physical and emotional distance. These things plus time will help the events of the past fade from importance.
Question: My husband and I got into a huge dispute. He said he wanted a divorce, and I left. I still come home a lot and see my kids, and he has not filed yet even though he still said he is. What does that mean for our marriage?

Answer: In any relationship, including marriage, each partner will be better able to do their part, by understanding their own interests and wishes.Concentrate more on what you'd like from your marriage.  This will naturally raise the questions and criteria of what to talk with your husband about and what to ask of him.Think over whether you wish to divorce or not.Since he hasn't taken any action, then for the moment, you can assume he is not sure of what he wants.Once you feel a little more clear on your opinion about your marriage, including feeling uncertain if you'd like it to end or continue, then you will be able to tell your husband the suggestions you have for resolving the dispute matter and emotions.Try to re-direct your speculations about, "what does he want", "I wonder what he's thinking", back to answering these very reasonable questions, about yourself.This will strengthen your own purpose in clarifying where to start and guide a discussion with him.Good luck!
Question: My husband and I got into a huge dispute. He said he wanted a divorce, and I left. I still come home a lot and see my kids, and he has not filed yet even though he still said he is. What does that mean for our marriage?

Answer: In situations like this, in most cases, he probably will not fill anytime soon. It's more of the fact that he isn't ready to give that life yet... Now if you probably pressured him about it then yes, he would probably give in.. But if it hasn't been a big issue anymore or something you guys aren't talking about, then right now.. Everything is on a hold.
Question: In 2008 my former husband of 14 years walked away from my life and we've been separated ever since. We have always been together sexually and both have experienced sleeping with others. I stopped because I wanted my marriage to work out but he did not. If he stops sleeping with other women, can our marriage be saved? Or should we just part ways? I still care deeply about him after all that I did and he has done. But he is seeing someone else on and off for years now. Will our marriage still be saved if he decides that he wants to try to do so?

Answer: Sorry to hear about the stress in your relationship.  There is definite value in being clear as you are, about your own emotional investment in your husband and that you expect sexual exclusivity from him as part of the foundation of your marriage.Also positive is your awareness that only your husband is the one who must similarly decide his own standards of being sexually exclusive to you, or not.Whether your marriage can be saved depends on what each person is willing to accept about the other one.Is sleeping with other women the only criterion of what will satisfy you about being together with your husband?Love and care are not enough to make a marriage work. Partners need to be able to compromise and cooperate with each other. That you care for him definitely intensifies any emotion you feel toward your husband.  It intensifies any frustration and sadness about the relationship too.Decide how much emotional sadness and hurt you're willing to tolerate and the reason you're willing to do so.From what you write, you are being very generous of yourself and not being reciprocated for this.If your husband doesn't start taking steps toward satisfying your wishes, this may be your time to question your own generosity in waiting for him to do so.
Question: I keep on begging him to come back. I am so unhappy with him but am so scared of being a single parent to our son. I was abused as a little girl and that has made to be very abusive to men. What should I do...

Answer: Major change frightens almost everybody.Don't be so afraid of your fear that you let yourself beg and are willing to accept unhappiness as a standard in your marriage.If you start considering that life can be better than what is current for you now, new possibilities and ideas will start developing in your mind.Consider finding a therapist so that you have private space to talk in detail about your fears and the new ways of seeing your Self.A therapy relationship, since it is safe and supportive, will be a good balance to having been abused, suffered, and unhappy.
Question: My wife just last week said she wants a divorce and it's all sudden. I understand that marriages have their ups and downs but I don't understand why she can't tell me why she wants a divorce. Should I fight for my family (daughter and wife)?

Answer: Chances are, if you really think about it, there were signs that something wasn’t quite right in your marriage. You may have passed these things off as being the normal ups and downs of a marriage, but whatever it was (or wasn't), it's obviously bothering your wife. I would say yes, keep trying to fight for your family, at least until you know what the problems are from your wife's perspective and if they're repairable. Ask your wife if she’s willing to try to work on the marriage and then see a marriage counselor. Just be sure you’re open to hearing what's said and try not to get defensive if she blames you for some things.Even if your wife is adamant about getting a divorce, that doesn't mean you’re divorcing your daughter and you should make sure she knows that. Continue to be a part of her life. And although it may be difficult, if a divorce does happen, try to be as amicable as possible with your wife so your daughter isn't further impacted by this new family dynamic.
Question: I am going through a divorce from a narcissistic sociopath who left me for another woman after mentally and emotionally abusing me for 11 years. I have moved to a different state and after giving up my successful business am working as a server at a restaurant. I’m coping as best as I can. Is it normal and healthy to not adapt as quickly and be as strong as I think I should be? I am astounded at his cruelty and how much he doesn't care, as well as most other people in my life. I feel like I don't exist to anyone anymore as there is no contact from anyone who I thought cared about me. My brother just said no to lending me a few hundred dollars for me to live on. I am losing faith in humanity itself.

Answer: I am very sorry to hear of your struggles. I think that it is normal to struggle to get your feet under you again after a divorce, especially after leaving a relationship that lasted 11 years, so try not to be too hard on yourself. Take it one day at a time and do the best you can.I notice that you said he left you. This tells me that you didn’t have the strength to leave him on your own despite the fact that you say he was emotionally and mentally abusive and also cheating on you. Low self-esteem can keep someone in a bad relationship because they think they can’t do any better. Also, abusers will make you think that they are the best thing you can get. The way I see it, he did you a favor. You are now free to make your own life whatever you want it to be. Take this time alone to work on you. As hurtful as it may be that other people don’t want to help you, this is something that you need to do for yourself without feeling like you need someone in your life to take care of you. Your statement “I don’t feel like I exist anymore” tells me that in addition to low self-esteem, you also don’t have a clear sense of identify and rely on the people in your life to help define who you are. People can and will let you down. It is important for you to learn to handle disappointment, learn to take care of your own needs, and to gain a stronger sense of self. Do nice things for yourself every day because you deserve it. Even if it is just to soak a little longer in a hot bubble bath, do something that makes you feel good. Find a hobby that you enjoy. Look in the mirror and tell yourself some positive affirmations daily. Google “positive affirmations” to find some that resonate with you. Such statements might be “I am a good person who deserves to be happy” or “I can do this.” Some relaxation and meditation exercises may help you as well. There are some free meditation exercises that you can find online by doing a simple Google search.Take this time to focus on you and try not to worry about what everyone else in your life is doing. When you are a happier, more stable person, the right people will come into your life without you even looking for them. Good luck with rebuilding your life. I know it is hard! Remember to take it one day at a time.
Question: I am conflicted with this guy I work with. He is a coworker and close friend whom I've had a crush on since meeting him four years ago. We made out once after years of flirting. I was hoping for more, but nothing happened. I distanced myself a lot after.

Answer: Hello! Emotions run high in "crush" situations and when emotions run high it's not uncommon for us to have emotion-based instead of fact-based thoughts. After reading your question, I wondered how you went from "making out" to "nothing happened?" I wondered if this happened because of an emotion-based thought that sounded like "If he liked me, he would make something happen." A truer and more empowering thought might be "I want something different to happen with him and I want to take a different action to see if that can happen." This thought focuses more on the one thing you can control: YOU.  Hopefully, the thought also empowers you to think through what you can do to gauge interest/talk with him about his feelings on the matter. I hope this helps and good luck to you!
Question: I believe it is wrong for men to look at inappropriate content. The father of my child has agreed to respect my beliefs. His co-worker sent him an inappropriate video. He got mad because he does not think he should tell his friend to not send him things like that.

Answer: The offspring are your Property;If you require that no other man show inappropriate content to them, then require compensation for use and enjoyment of your Property, without your consent;Send them a bill;When they do not pay it, activate the local Sheriff, take them to small claims court, and win a judgment against them for failure to compensate for the use and enjoyment of your Property;I wonder what might happen after that... learn to act as man :)... and watch the magic happen...
Question: I believe it is wrong for men to look at inappropriate content. The father of my child has agreed to respect my beliefs. His co-worker sent him an inappropriate video. He got mad because he does not think he should tell his friend to not send him things like that.

Answer: From what you write, it sounds like you're reaching quite far into your child's father's way to handle his friendships.There's a difference between an agreement between you and the child's father to not view porn, and with you monitoring and setting standards for your child's father's way to handle his social life.Try to accept the limits of your request extends to you and the child's father, not the way the child's father wants to handle his relationships with other people.Also, pushing too hard or setting your expectations of the child's father too wide for him to tolerate may end up backfiring on you.Who knows, maybe he'll decide "enough is enough" and withdraw from the otherwise reasonable agreement to not watch porn.
Question: I believe it is wrong for men to look at inappropriate content. The father of my child has agreed to respect my beliefs. His co-worker sent him an inappropriate video. He got mad because he does not think he should tell his friend to not send him things like that.

Answer: In my book, this is a boundary issue. Although you do not like inappropriate content, it is not up to you what your child's father looks at or what his friend sends him.  It is really hard not to monitor other people's lives, but in the end, your rights begin and end with you.
Question: I believe it is wrong for men to look at inappropriate content. The father of my child has agreed to respect my beliefs. His co-worker sent him an inappropriate video. He got mad because he does not think he should tell his friend to not send him things like that.

Answer: It sounds like you are wanting to protect your child from degrading images and that is one of the important parts of the job of a parent. Although it is challenging to supply an answer without knowing the full situation, it might be helpful to have a more broad discussion about what you both think about the influences and images that your child is exposed to and what you think your role is in protecting your child. This situation is one about beliefs and values and could well be an example you can use for exploring your parenting roles in protecting your child.
Question: My boss took over some work I'd begun. Concerned that she had doubts about my work, i asked her for feedback. I assured her that I did my utmost for customer service, and asked if I was deficient. She then said this was me being co-dependent.

Answer: This interaction with your boss seems strange. It is tricky to know how to handle workplace conflicts, but there are typically resources in place to help employees and mangers communicate successful and feel confident that they are being treated fairly at work. Is there an HR department that you can use as a mediator?
Question: I am in a high stress position for a tech company. I am being overworked and underpaid for my contributions and it is not only giving me anxiety, but also demoralizing.
   What can I do to manage my stress?

Answer: I think it's important to tease more of this situation out to figure out what is at the root of the stress. It is emotionally dangerous to be at a job for a lengthy duration in which you feel overworked and underpaid. You will not perform well as you mention, and thus your self-esteem will continually take a hit without really any effort. So, I don't know that simply coping with your stress would be advisable as a first step.You don't speak about a lot of what the office dynamics are like, which can be a big indicator for me of what can be done to help you feel better (because we exist as a part of a relationship with everything, including people at our job.) I would encourage you to speak up about your contributions to your boss. Often, "overworked and underpaid" also includes the "my boss never notices me," and that can demoralizing. If we feel appreciated, that can go a long way. I've found that it is quite common for bosses to require some instruction for how to show each of their employees "appreciation" (and it goes deeper than "thank you" or taking you out to lunch - it's almost something felt as opposed to made explicit.)But sometimes appreciation isn't going to do the trick either. Because that overworked and underpaid actually has led you to feel "burnout." You have zero interest in doing the job in the way it is designed, so some real changes need to be implemented. The bottom line? Try not to just "suck it up" and do all of the "self care" work on your own. If your company isn't helping you to take care of yourself (I'm talking to you, boss that handles employee pay and/or work conditions!) then you also have to question if this is a company worth working for. While I don't know exactly what you do, it sounds like you have confidence in your contributions! So take that confidence to a tech company that will support you (and there are tech companies out there!)