Lathma/Mental_Health_Conversation_Dataset huggingface dataset:
Question: Me and the father of my child have been dating for a year. We had a big argument and at first he wanted to work it out. But with time he started asking others and they told him to leave me.
Now he wants me to wait on him to mature. He wants to talk to other people. Then come back in four years. He doesn't want to deal with me while I'm pregnant. He doesn't take me to the doctor or anything. I feel alone.  How do I handle this situation?

Answer: Well, as far as your boyfriend, sounds like he has received advice from others that is not wise advice.  Leaving is not the answer after a "big argument" as you mentioned.  However this is not surprising to me based on his possible age and maturity level.  Having a baby is a lifetime responsibility and there are very few who handle this or who realizes that it requires one to step their game up.  This is something that he has to realize and be encouraged by his parents or a mature adult to do.  Hopefully, someone who has better (wise) advice will talk to him and he will listen.As for you,  how do you handle this situation is your question....you do what you have to do to prepare for your baby, with or without him.  A lot can happen in four years and you don't have time, are not required, and can't wait to see what will happen with him.  You have a LIFE to prepare for,  to feed, to protect, and to love.  Can you tell your baby to wait; I don't want to deal with you now; I need to mature; I will be back to see you later; Hope you will be fine?  Nope!!!   As I always say, you are not alone because there is someone somewhere going through the same or similar thing.  Develop healthy friendships...whether with family, friends or new people who may enter your life.  Your support system will grow and life will go on...with or with him.  Stay focus on you and your baby...
Question:  such as not enough sleep

Answer: 0
Question: Whenever I have to speak in public or be in big crowds, I freak out. I get light-headed, sweaty, and I have trouble breathing.

Answer: Basically, your response is the fight, flight or freeze reaction
which is hard wired into the human nervous system, specifically, the autonomic nervous system (called the autonomic response).  This system
is responsible for regulating the heart, digestion, respiratory rate
as well as other aspects which match the symptoms you describe.  It is largely an unconscious function, but
with training it can be managed such as a public speaking course in which you
prepare and even have some exposure to smaller experiences to help you prepare
and cope for larger presentations.  One of the greatest applications of
addressing this response is the NASA program which exposes the astronauts to situations
they will encounter while in space which will trigger the response so that when
it does happen (not if but when) that they are able to move through the
challenge with success.  You can learn
more about his by going to TED Talks “What I learned about going blind in space” It is
a truly inspiring look at what you are experiencing as well as how to deal with
it. 
With that being said, finding a program
like a Dale Carnegie Public Speaking program can help.  Working with a counselor who can help you
utilize visualization of an upcoming speech has been shown to help and you can
always talk to your doctor to see what options might be available there as
well. Good luck!
Question: I have a relative who is in his twenties.  He was in a drug rehabilitation program and got kicked out for using drugs again. No one informed family that he was using drugs again.  He subsequently overdosed and was found dead.
Is their accountability of counselors, therapists or the halfway house for not reporting that he had relapsed? Is there a legal case for failing to report?

Answer: I'm so sorry to hear of your loss.  This sounds like a really difficult situation for the whole family.  Since the answer to this question will depend a lot on the applicable state laws, I would suggest talking with a local attorney.  That being said, I see two competing issues here.  On the one side is the duty of confidentiality the counselors owed to your relative.  On the other side is the duty the counselors had to act reasonably to protect your relative from harm.  Generally there is not a requiremt for substance abuse treatment centers to notify family members if an adult client relapses.A local attorney will be able to provide more specific guidance on the legal obligtions and liabilities in this situation.
Question: I'm concerned about my boyfriend. I suffer from anxiety, but I always have this feeling he wants to hurt me because he told me he was interested in BDSM intercourse. We haven't tried it, but I've had this feeling he always wants to.

Answer: 
Hello! Thank you for your question. There are few things
that people find more personal than their sexual relationships. When we feel
connected to our partner, sex can be best thing since sliced bread. However, if
we feel disconnected in some way, sex can feel degrading and even painful. 
I don’t know the specifics about your relationship or how
comfortable you are in talking to your boyfriend, but this is one of those
situations where communicating your fears is a good idea. The only exception to
that would be if you believe he is actually a threat to you in some way. If you
believe that, then you should do whatever you think is safe. It sounds like
there is a part of you that is already afraid of him, and if that is the case
then remaining safe is your top priority. 
Assuming you are able to share with him your feelings,
telling him what you are and are not interested in sexually is very appropriate
and sexually healthy. Sex is something that is supposed to be enjoyable for
all parties. All parties should feel respected and able to say “no” to
absolutely anything they are not comfortable with. 
I call the respectful agreement between sexual partners, “sex
trust.” Sex Trust means your partner respects your boundaries. It means they
won’t degrade you sexually with hurtful words, forced sex, or forcing or
coercing sex in ways someone is not interested in having.  Your personal safety and mental well-being is
what is most important. 
Now, if there is a part of you that is curious about BDSM
and may be interested in participating in it, there are many websites that you
can explore to learn information. I will warn you, some websites and articles
are better or worse than others, but you may at least feel more informed. 
Many people engage in BDSM and have happy relationships, but
again, it completely depends on what each person in the relationship wants. It is
also important to know that BDSM is not just one thing and people practice it
differently based on comfort. If it is something you are uncomfortable with,
then you shouldn’t feel obligated to do it.
 
I hope this was helpful. Be well.
 
Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC
Question: We don't have sex a lot. I cheat when we argue. I don't kiss or have unprotected sex with them. It's a one time thing, and I never see them twice.

Answer: 
Hello, and thank you for your question. The question about
whether or not to cheat is based on personal values that can only be answered
by you. However, here are a few things to consider and questions to ask
yourself to help you find your answer:
1.    
Do you feel like you are violating your own
values or morals? This is important, because we all have different values and
morals surrounding sex, love, and monogamy. If you value monogamous
relationships and find yourself cheating on your partner, then you may feel
like you are living in contradiction to your values, and most people are not
happy when they do that. However, if monogamy is not something you value, then
perhaps it is time to re-evaluate the relationship and determine if it is still
right for you. Not all people want monogamous relationships, and that
is alright. Finally, if you value your husband’s feelings and know that the
affairs would hurt him, then your behaviors may again be in contrast to your
own values. That can only be determined by you. 
2.      Based on how you describe your relationship, it
sounds like you are not very satisfied with the way it is.  From the outside, it looks like the affairs
are a way to “get even” with your husband or to feel better after an argument. This
is something that can happen when mutual respect starts to fade in a
relationship and gets replaced with contempt. We can simply stop caring about
how our actions hurt each other, or potentially hurt each other. Perhaps the
question to ask here is, when you look out toward the future with your husband,
is this the pattern that you want to keep? The pattern of very little sex,
argument, and then satisfying the pain or dissatisfaction with affairs. 
 3.      What are your goals for this relationship? If we
start to become disconnected in a relationship, we can begin to do things on
autopilot. Get up, get the kids up, go to work, come home, and go to bed. None
of which requires any intimacy at all. Are you still able to see the hopes and
dreams you once had for this relationship?
 4.     
Have you considered seeking marital counseling? Not
having affairs won’t actually fix the part of the relationship that is leading
you to have them. If there is something broken, it sometimes requires some help
to get it fixed. 
 Hopefully these questions and thoughts will help you come to
some kind of conclusion about what is right for you and your relationship. I certainly
wish you well. 
 Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC
Question: I love him, but he doesn’t show me love. He talks badly about me to his friends.

Answer: 
Hello, and thank you for your question. Loving someone who
doesn’t respect or treat you well can be enormously difficult and painful. 
Many people who find themselves in an emotionally hurtful
relationship say that it was wonderful when it first started, but that over
time their partner’s behaviors changed and they became emotionally or
physically abusive. 
I want to say right away that it is not your fault in any
way if someone is abusive to you. It does not mean that you are broken or that there
is something wrong with your character if you have not left the situation.
People stay for many reasons, such as fear, finances, children, pressure from
others, and love. 
Many people have had to leave their abusive partners who
they still love to preserve their own safety and regain the sense of self they
may have lost. It is a very difficult thing to do, even if you know it is the
right thing. 
The person who really needs to take a hard look at
themselves is the person doing the abusing.
It is very common for mental and emotional abuse to wear
away at someone’s self-esteem. This can lead to other problems, like depression
and anxiety. These issues sometimes require professional support to manage,
such as a counselor or perhaps a doctor who may prescribe medication. 
A counselor may be able to help you sort through your fears
and concerns about staying or leaving. To look at things from different angles,
and to help you decide what is best for you. 
You have not said that your husband has been physically abusive
to you, but if that has been the case, then you must consider your physical
safety first. Leaving an abusive relationship is the most dangerous time.
Getting help from professionals would be critical, and I would recommend your
local domestic violence program. 
Whatever you decide to do is the right thing for you. I
would encourage you to ask yourself honestly about your reasons for staying and
the barriers that may keep you from going. You do deserve to be happy and
emotionally safe. If you do not feel like you have that safety, then seeking
someone to help you sort through these things is a good plan. 
I wish you well.
Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC
Question: My friend is abusing her prescription medicine. Even though she told me she didn't have any more pills, I found she has prescriptions for anxiety medications.

Answer: First of all, where did you find the pills? Did you have to go into her private space or things to find them? If so, you might want to do some research on codependency. I recommend the book "The Everything Guide to Codependency." You can find it here: https://www.amazon.ca/The-Everything-Guide-Codependency-codependent/dp/1440573905 . It's not honest to go searching through someone's things. You dislike the deceit in her, so why model it in yourself?If the pills were just left out, that's a different story. Again though, model honesty. Talk to about what you found. Avoid being accusitory. A good old "I found these...what's going on with this?" might be a good place to start. Tell her how it makes you feel. Have you ever heard of "I statements?" Google this....you will find a lot of good templates on how to frame this conversation. At the end of the day though, these are her choices. Not yours. All you can do is tell her how you feel, make a few gentle suggestions, and get back to taking care of you. If it gets to the point where seeing her downward spiral is too much for you, let her know this and tell her you can no longer be involved, for the sake of your own health and sanity. There is nothing wrong with trying to help, but ask yourself, are you really being helpful? If you are starting to feel resentful, know that you have crossed the line into codependency and back away.Hope this helps and all the best,Aleisha
Question: Something happened this summer that I cannot forgive myself for. When I think about what happened, I feel ashamed and guilty even though my loved ones forgave me.

Answer: Forgiveness takes time. You know what you did, and by the sounds of it you are not impressed with yourself. In my mind, this is a sign that you are a good person. You recognize that you did something that crossed your own moral code. You could have just done this thing and not felt anything - but you do feel. And that is OK. It's not supposed to feel good when you do something wrong.Be patient with yourself. These things can take time. I suspect that you will be one of those people who slowly let go of their shame and guilt. The trick is to feel the pain but to not ignore/detach from the life that you are living right now. Don't deprive yourself of the opportunity to feel joy again.
Question: I feel like every time I do something someone asks me to, I never fully meet what they want. I feel that when I finish it, they always think that they should have picked someone else to do it. I feel like  they just want nothing to do with me.

Answer: It sounds like you have the perception that people are frequently disappointed in you, wish you were different or someone else, and ultimately reject you. One question I would have for you is what is your evidence that people feel this way? Is there anything in people's words or behaviors that gives you this impression? If your not sure, it may be useful for you to try to notice what people say and do in response to you, even though you perceive these attitudes within them. Additionally, working with a competent therapist may be a great way to get an answer to your question as well as developing ways to move forward with that answer and gain a sense of self-esteem and security in your relationships.One possibility that comes to mind, of which there may be more, is that as we grow up, we often develop relational templates, or sets of expectations about how people are and will relate to us, which influence our experiences and behavior in relationships. Sometimes the templates that we develop to stay connected growing up are not particularly adaptive for adult life and can hamper our self-esteem and capacity for comfortable intimacy as an adult. You ask a great question here, and one that can be very hard to see through, given the difficulty of feeling that people think of you in this way, and I hope that you will stay curious about this and consider working with a therapist who is trained to help you discover the answer.
Question: I'm a teenage girl, and my dad is an alcoholic. I hate being at home with him because he just stresses me out. He can be picking me up from basketball practice or piano lessons, and half of the time, I don't even know if he's sober or not. I refuse to get into the vehicle with him and walk home sometimes. I've either been barely sleeping or I over sleep, so I'm always tired. I live in a small town, so there's no one I can really talk to because I'm not really that close with my family.

Answer: 
Hello, and thank you for your question. You are clearly a
resourceful young person to reach out like this to find help. Good for you. I
have a few ideas and perhaps some other counselors will add some thoughts, too.

First, good for you for taking care of yourself and making
really good decisions – such as not getting into the car with dad when he is
intoxicated. It is really important that you consider your safety above all
else. 
To answer your heading question, yes, it is quite common for
people to blame themselves for other people’s actions. There are various
reasons why we do this. For one thing, someone may tell us that their behaviors are our fault. And depending on things like our relationship to that
person, past experiences, and our self-esteem, we may actually start to believe
it. What is important to remember is that your parents have the responsibility
to be sure that you are safe and
cared for, not the other way around. 
As for the other things you mentioned, I am concerned about both
your physical and emotional safety and well-being. It sounds like your father
has an alcohol abuse problem, and living with someone who is struggling with
addiction can be hard for anyone, let alone a teenager who is also trying to
deal with things like school. 
You may want to see if your school has a counselor or
someone you can talk to about what is going on. I will tell you that in some
states, what you have told me may be something that a counselor would have to
report to child protection services, but not necessarily. If you are concerned
about that, ask the counselor what they are obligated to report. 
If you don’t know a counselor, think about any other adult
that you would feel comfortable talking to. They may have some ideas. 
Sometimes individual states have non-profit chat lines or
hotlines for teens to call if they are struggling with things. You may be able
to find something like that in your state. I do warn your about doing random
searches, not every website is good, so be careful. 
This is clearly a tough spot for you to be in, so one of the
things that I encourage you to do while searching for support is to focus on
taking care of yourself. Sometimes things like this can really bring us down and
we stop doing the things we enjoy. Try really hard not to let that happen. If
you have interests, do them. If you catch yourself thinking too hard about
things, try to find something fun to do to distract yourself. Try to take care
of yourself in other ways, such as eating well. Exercise can really help when
we get stressed. 
I hope some of this was helpful. Good luck.
 
Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC
Question: I feel like every time I do something someone asks me to, I never fully meet what they want. I feel that when I finish it, they always think that they should have picked someone else to do it. I feel like  they just want nothing to do with me.

Answer: As long as you try to reach others expectations you will never feel satisfied or accepted.  How about setting your own expectations for self and strive for those.  Make sure your expectations are reachable and realistic.
Question: I got sick really bad and was throwing up for three days and nights. I thought I was going to die. Then about a week later, I started having this desire to be female. I never had this desire before. All I can think about is being a woman. I don't get pleasure from my penis anymore either. Women are attractive, but not like before. I can also find men attractive now. I'm too ashamed to tell anyone.

Answer: 
Hello, and thank you for reaching out to ask for help. Surely this is a very confusing time for you! If you have never had these
feelings and desires it could certainty shake everything you thought you knew
about yourself. 
My guess is that you becoming sick around the time that this
started is likely a coincidence, but I understand how you would make the
connection. 
I have a feeling that a few things may be going on here. It
is really hard to say since I don’t know you, how old you are, etc. But, I will
share you with you some thoughts. 
Some people, when they have undesirable thoughts that really
surprise them, have a really tough time getting rid of them. Our reaction to
the thought can be very strong and our tendency to try to block it out, stuff
it, avoid it, etc. is not always successful. In fact, it’s usually not. 
It’s like telling you not to think of pink elephants. I
would be willing to bet that you thought of a pink elephant just now. 
So, rather than fighting thoughts that you find confusing,
sometimes it is helpful to allow yourself to explore the thought with curiosity
and without judgement. Where is this thought coming from? What are my feelings
about it? Asking yourself these questions may help you come to a resolution
about what is going on. 
One possibility is that you have developed an anxiety about
your thoughts and now you are in the process of obsessing about them, but
another possibility is that you are legitimately exploring your sexuality and
gender. I get the feeling from your question that you do not want to believe
that it is second possibility. And that is okay. 
You can try some of my suggestions, but you can also see a
counselor who may be able to help you work through your confusion. I would
suggest someone who has experience working with sexuality issues. You can
usually find out what a counselor works with on their website. What is
important is that you find someone who is non-judgmental about what you are
experiencing. 
 
I wish you well.
Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC
Question: I have PTSD from childhood events and other traumas as an adult. I have panic attacks, nightmares, anger, and at times depression. I feel like I'm always on the edge or just apathetic.  Can I fix this by myself?

Answer: I will not say that you can't but I will say it will be much harder and the time may take much longer.  Getting help and having someone to be there with you through the ups and down of PTSD makes the journey much easier.
Question: I feel like I was born in the wrong body I feel like I should be a girl not a boy
Ever since I was young, I have wanted to be a girl. I felt like what I was wasn’t me. I want to know what I can do about it. My family is against transgender people and don't want anything to do with them. I want to be “me.” I feel as if I'll be happy then. I don't look in mirrors, and I don't like my reflection. Recently, I have been taking things to help even though they were not prescribed. I know I should have this handled by a professional.

Answer: Hi. Do you have any opportunity to work with a therapist?  It sounds like it might be really great to explore these feelings. If you aren't able to, there are many awesome gender work books available that you could use to explore your thoughts and feelings. Also - google "ask a gender therapist" - so many amazing video blogs to answer many questions!  Good luck!