Lathma/Mental_Health_Conversation_Dataset huggingface dataset:
Question: Me and my girlfriend just broke up. She said she loves me but is not in love anymore. This came out of nowhere. We seemed so happy together.
It all started when she went to Missouri to visit her family. The first week she was there she was fine then once she went to this one sister’s house everything changed. That's when she told me she loved me but was not in love with me anymore. I thought maybe it was just because she missed her family and she just wanted to be home because she told me that she could not leave them again.
Then she told me to come to her in Missouri. So that's what I did. I quit my job I dropped everything, said goodbye to my family in Florida and drove 15 straight hours to be with her.
Once I got there everything was fine again.  She apologized for everything and said she didn't mean any of it then we were good for about a week. Then she went back to saying she didn’t love me anymore and had no feelings for me.
The only thing that really gets me and makes me not want to accept this is that now she is pregnant. This wasn’t an accident. We were trying to get pregnant, so all this is hard to accept. I love her so much. I have never been bad to her. I've treated her the best I can. I wanted her to be my wife. I was going to propose to her when she got back. Now I'm losing my family and my mind. I don't know what to do.

Answer: I am sorry to hear of these troubles.  I see a few issues here.  I wonder why you were both trying to get pregnant when the relationship seemed troubled?  Some people think that they can fix a broken relationship by getting pregnant, and all this does is bring up more problems.You say you never treated her badly, and I believe you.  People in a relationship can still be unhappy even when there is no abuse or mistreatment going on.  In fact, giving too much of yourself to the relationship and not having a “self” outside of this relationship can be unhealthy.  It takes two whole, healthy, happy people who are that way when they are single to come together to make a whole, healthy, happy couple in a relationship.  Expecting your partner to meet all your needs or to provide your happiness is not going to work.There are two books that I recommend you buy and read.  One is Codependent No More.  The other is Can My Relationship Be Saved?Sometimes when you cling and try even harder to hold onto someone, it makes you both miserable.  You cannot change her and cannot change her mind.  Sometimes the best thing is to let go.  If it is meant to be, you will end up back together again.  It seems like this is something that she needs to decide since she is the one that keeps doing the leaving.  I suggest backing off and letting her go.  Maybe she needs time to clear her head and make up her mind.  If it is meant to be, she will come back. If not, use this time to work on being a healthy happy you on your own.
Question: Now I have anger and trust issues. How can I treat this and fix myself?

Answer: I will assume that for whatever reason, you either do not want to or are not able to seek counseling for this.  However, I highly urge you to do so because long-term childhood abuse does have negative consequences for your life as an adult, as it seems you are already aware. There are confidential and free crisis hotlines that you can call that deal with sexual abuse.  Some/most also offer free counseling services in local areas.  That would be a good place to start looking, especially if cost of counseling is an issue.The important thing to know is that what happened was not your fault and that you deserve to live a happy life free of the past.  Having anger and trust issues after something like this is a perfectly normal reaction to what happened to you.  Angry?  Yes! At your brother for what he did, at your parents for not protecting you.  Having trouble trusting?  Of course!  The very people who were supposed to love and protect you hurt you instead. Two books that might help you are Codependent No More and Boundaries: Where You End and I Begin.
Question: I have been with this guy on and off for 8 years. At first, we used to do things together and our sex life was ok. Then things started to change, we'd break up and reconnect, and he cheated on me numerous times.  We've also had two beautiful baby girls during this time. Now we argue and he says I am not affectionate at all or I don't know how to please a man, when I work part-time, take care of a 2 year old and a 5 month old and cook. Sometimes he cooks, but he also spends a lot of time on the internet. In addition, I have 2 boys and he has 1 son. I feel somewhere I have lost something. It's not that I don’t care, I truly love this guy, but I'm just tired of being the one who is always being judged. Please, I am in need of a Christian counselor to help us because I really need to speak to someone.

Answer: I don't think you’ve lost something, I think you’ve found something - your breaking point, and it's about time. Your boyfriend seems to be a very selfish and immature man who reconnects with you when it's convenient for him. Obviously, he has his own issues, but I want to address yours. I agree you need to talk to someone. The fact that you’ve put up with his repeated cheating and then letting him blame you for it (by saying you're not affectionate enough, etc.), tells me you probably have low self-esteem and have likely told yourself over the years that you don't deserve any better. You do! You may truly love this guy, but based on his behaviors, he does not love you, not in the way you deserve.  And although you may want to believe he can change, he has proved over and over again that he's not willing to, so you need to do what is best for you and your children. What would you tell your daughters if someone was treating them this way? Would you want your sons to treat women this way? That's what you're teaching your children when they see this.Like I said, I agree that you should talk to someone. You can ask your boyfriend to go too, but my guess is he won't. Even if he does, you should still see someone individually to work on YOU. I understand it's not easy to just kick him out, especially since you have children together, but a counselor can help you talk through all the details while helping you raise your self-esteem and self-worth.
Question: I’ve known my boyfriend for several years. We were friends for a long time. In 2013 we started a relationship, and he even asked me to move in with him since I lived out of state. I planned to move in with him in 2014 after I finished school and he found a job. However, during this time we had a few arguments and broke up with each other for a short period of time. We decided later to make it work. Shortly after, I found out that I was pregnant. I wanted to tell him during his next visit. However, he never came to see me and instead asked me for money. After I gave him money, he quit answering my phone calls and texts. 

Soon after, I experienced a miscarriage. I texted him about what had happened, and he didn’t seem to care. I was extremely hurt by this. I still decided to move back as I had originally planned. He helped me with the move and replaced the money I had lent him. During this time, I asked if he wanted to be in this relationship because I needed to know. Although he says he did, I hardly ever see him. He never got a job, which was in the original plan.  

After that, we both started seeing other people for a short amount of time but once again got back together. Once we got back together, I cut all ties with the former relationship I had been in. I thought he had too. But I found out that he did not attempt to do as I did and was still talking with another woman. In fact, he had even sent inappropriate pictures to her. When I confronted him about this, he wasn’t apologetic. He said that he only did it to get even with me and was actually mad at me for looking through his phone. He even closed his car window on my finger and tried to throw me out of his car. I don’t know what to do.

Answer: There are plenty of red flags that you have been presented with:Several breakups Not holding up his end of the bargain regarding workLack of empathy for your miscarriageLying about his involvement with another womanPhysical violence, which is of most concern. This seems to be a very unhealthy relationship. In my experience, relationships such as these rarely become positive ones. Violence is never okay and regardless of his reasoning (you looking through his phone), it is indefensible. You have to look at these red flags and ask yourself, “Is this really someone I want to marry? Is he an asset to my life?” I think you’ll realize he is not.Best of luck to you and please know that you deserve someone who treats you with kindness, dignity and respect.
Question: I am going through a divorce from a narcissistic sociopath who left me for another woman after mentally and emotionally abusing me for 11 years. I have moved to a different state and after giving up my successful business am working as a server at a restaurant. I’m coping as best as I can. Is it normal and healthy to not adapt as quickly and be as strong as I think I should be? I am astounded at his cruelty and how much he doesn't care, as well as most other people in my life. I feel like I don't exist to anyone anymore as there is no contact from anyone who I thought cared about me. My brother just said no to lending me a few hundred dollars for me to live on. I am losing faith in humanity itself.

Answer: I am very sorry to hear of your struggles.  I think that it is normal to struggle to get your feet under you again after a divorce, especially after leaving a relationship that lasted 11 years, so try not to be too hard on yourself.  Take it one day at a time and do the best you can.I notice that you said he left you.  This tells me that you didn’t have the strength to leave him on your own despite the fact that you say he was emotionally and mentally abusive and also cheating on you.  Low self-esteem can keep someone in a bad relationship because they think they can’t do any better.  Also, abusers will make you think that they are the best thing you can get.  The way I see it, he did you a favor.   You are now free to make your own life whatever you want it to be. Take this time alone to work on you.  As hurtful as it may be that other people don’t want to help you, this is something that you need to do for yourself without feeling like you need someone in your life to take care of you.  Your statement “I don’t feel like I exist anymore” tells me that in addition to low self-esteem, you also don’t have a clear sense of identify and rely on the people in your life to help define who you are.  People can and will let you down.  It is important for you to learn to handle disappointment, learn to take care of your own needs, and to gain a stronger sense of self. Do nice things for yourself every day because you deserve it.  Even if it is just to soak a little longer in a hot bubble bath, do something that makes you feel good.  Find a hobby that you enjoy.  Look in the mirror and tell yourself some positive affirmations daily.  Google “positive affirmations” to find some that resonate with you.  Such statements might be “I am a good person who deserves to be happy” or “I can do this.”  Some relaxation and meditation exercises may help you as well.  There are some free meditation exercises that you can find online by doing a simple Google search.Take this time to focus on you and try not to worry about what everyone else in your life is doing.  When you are a happier, more stable person, the right people will come into your life without you even looking for them.  Good luck with rebuilding your life.  I know it is hard!  Remember to take it one day at a time.
Question: I've been married for 3 years and I have two kids. During my 3-years married, my husband cheated on me twice.  The second time really got to me and at my lowest I hurt him back. We aren't communicating as well as I would like. What do I do?

Answer: Hi there. Thank you reaching out for help. It takes a lot of courage for someone that is being abused to reach out for help. I want you to know that I am here to help you in any way that I can. First and foremost, you did not mention whether or not you had children yourself by this man. I’m going to assume there are. So, the most important thing right at this moment is asking yourself, if you and your children are safe? Is the boyfriend currently living in the home or is he coming and going? If he is coming and going or currently living in the home, my suggestion for you to is to pack a bag for you and your children and go somewhere safe (i.e. family members home, friend or a shelter temporarily). I cannot stress this enough. Although, some people tend to minimize their abusers behavior (i.e. they only do it when they are drinking, they only do it when they are mad), it’s those individuals that find themselves or their children in a serious situation. So, you can never take abuse (physical or mental) lightly because you never know what is going through that persons mind at that particular time. It’s always better to be safe than sorry. Secondly, it will not be safe, helpful or productive to attempt to talk to the abuser about your relationship. Abusers often times try and manipulate you into staying by apologizing or attempting to justify their behaviors. This is the time you would want to go see a magistrate in order to get a protective order for you and your children.It’s unfortunate that your significant other was involved with another women causing pregnancy; however, that is no longer your concern. Your concern at this point is keeping yourself and your children safe. I would also suggest counseling for you and your children in order to work through these issues. I hope this was helpful and please stay safe and take care of yourself.
Question: I have been with my husband for almost 7 years. We got engaged a little after 5 years of being together. I had always been clear that I wanted to get married and I sadly would drop hints about how i wanted him to propose. 
When he did propose it was during a random vacation that I had planned. I was happy but I couldn't help feeling disappointed too.
I had told him numerous times before that I wanted him to do it in front of my friends and family. I know it sounds dumb to be upset but I couldn't help how I was feeling.
We are now married but the wedding and ring were also far from what I wanted and it wasn't due to lack of funds.  I know this is all material and the marriage is the most important thing but I cant help but get jealous and envious every time I see someone get a proposal or wedding that I had wanted.
I cant help my anger because I know we only get one proposal and one wedding. What I wanted will never happen.
I have been working on my feelings for the past year and half to get over it. I try to focus on our marriage but every time I see someone have the best proposals and weddings I get upset.
I know it is selfish and I know its petty but I just can't control it. It's ruining our relationship because I constantly think about it. Plus, I get mad at him for small things because I am trying to hide the fact that I am so disappointed. 
Why can't I move on?

Answer: It's hard to let go of the dreams you had regarding your wedding and engagement. This was something that you and most women think about for years, so it's understandable to be disappointed. But please be aware that it is rare that any wedding is perfect. You may envy your friends' weddings but more than likely they had a few mishaps of their own and/or it wasn't as perfect as they had planned it either. However, like you know, the marriage is the most important thing.  How many women are envious that you are in a happy, stable relationship? I assure you that there are plenty. Try to live in the present considering that dwelling on the past can still not change how you were proposed to or how your wedding day transpired. Focus on what you can control NOW. Perhaps, you can plan an extravagant renewal of your vows or change the look of your ring?I would also be upfront with your husband and explain why you've been short lately. But after that, close that chapter and move on. It sounds like you have a wonderful companion and you certainly don't want to lose this due to a situation that is impossible to change.
Question: What can I do to stop grieving my mother’s death?  When I am awake I just cry every day. I don't have anyone to talk to. I need help; I am still cry over her.  Will I ever stop crying? It’s been 3 years.

Answer: I am sorry that you lost your mother. That is a really hard thing for someone to go through.There is really no set time for grief to be over, but I agree that if it has been three years and you are still crying every day then this is past the time for normal grief.  I do not know how old you are and if you are in school or have a job, but I would imagine that if by now you literally were doing nothing but crying every day all day, someone would have noticed and would have gotten you some help.  For one thing, bills have to be paid.There are typically five stages of grief and they can come in any order.  You can go back to another stage that you previously experienced. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance are the stages. At first, people are usually in denial over the fact that they lose someone or are losing someone.  This may mean that you deny they are ill or deny that they have actually died.Then comes bargaining, in which you may beg God that if you can only have this person back then you will do whatever. Depression is when the reality has settled in and when we cry and really feel the loss.  It sounds like you are stuck in this phase.Finally, acceptance is when we accept that it has happened and we pick up the pieces of our life and move on.When we lose someone we never forget them.  We may always have certain days that are tough, such as holidays or any special remembrance of your loved one.  But we do get to the place where we accept that death is part of life and that it is inevitable, and that life goes on.A therapist can help you explore the reasons for your extended grief and can help you with coping skills to better deal with it.  One suggestion I have is not to try to run from the sad feelings, don’t try to not feel them.  Embrace the feelings.  Let the feelings wash over you and accept them.  Trying not to feel something is not going to help.  Sadness is a part of life and needs to be felt just like happiness does.  Unpleasant feelings are not to be avoided.I am sincerely sorry that you lost your mother and that you have had such a hard time of it for three years now.  You deserve to be happy and to live a full life.  I am sure your mother would not want you being sad for so long.  I wish you all the best as you continue to try to heal from this loss and deal with your grief.
Question: I'm having issues with my relative. The police never believe the experiences I have been through because I am only a kid. 

I've even had trouble trying to reach a therapist because I said I wanted to get an adult to help me. Could you please give me advice?

Answer: I think it would be wise for you to call a hotline especially designed for children. It's called the Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline. The number is 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453). It is completely anonymous and a trained therapist will be able to provide you with guidance, confidentiality, and can also help you make a report of you want.The call is completely free and they are open 24 hours a day / 7 days a week. I'm glad that you are taking steps to improve your situation. You are a very brave and an intelligent child. Please remember to call 911 if you are in immediate danger.
Question: I have been with a guy for 4 years,  he's a great guy and we also have a son together. The problem is that I'm in love with a guy that I've been talking to for about 2 years but I've never met him in person. Honestly I'm bored with the relationship I have with the first guy and he makes want to go after the second guy, I don't know how to tell him that. What should I do?

Answer: Hi there. Wow, this sounds like a sticky situation; however, I’m here to help guide you through this decision. First and foremost, you must ask yourself, if you ever loved your sons’ father or was it a situation to where you two got pregnant and stayed together for the child. It’s very common to stay with your partner when a child is involved regardless, if love is involved or not because “it’s the right thing to do.” Right? Well, not entirely.  Although, staying with your partner because you have a child together may seem right, in fact, it hurts the child in the long run. If you are not love with your partner, you will show distance, unhappiness, sadness, possibility of frequent arguments and cheating.  When a child grows up in the home and witnesses these types of emotions & behaviors it is unhealthy as he/she will expect their own relationships to be such. As a responsible adult, you are supposed to be there to shape and model the future for your child. Just remember, what you do, your child will model. Secondly, do not sell yourself short from love. Everyone deserves to be happy and to have someone to share their love and intimacy with. However, being in love with someone you have never seen before can be very risky. Honestly, that sounds like lust and the longing of love.  Humans have needs and when people are unhappy in their current relationship, they often seek out what they need.  If you decide to pursue the second relationship, I would suggest setting up an outing with a friend or two in order to get to know this person as there are a lot of scammers these days. Finally, I am not convinced that this has anything to do with choosing between two guys.  This seems as if you are making a decision to end the relationship with your child’s father or not. You should ask yourself, if you were in love with your child’s father first off. If you were, you would have never sought after love.  I hope this was helpful for you and I hope I was able to shed a different light on your situation. Take care of yourself!