Lathma/Mental_Health_Conversation_Dataset huggingface dataset:
Question: I know I'm ruining my life with a lot of the decisions I make.  I consistently tell myself I need to make some serious changes in my life, but I just can't seem to even though I really want to. Why can't I force myself to change?

Answer: In general the reason people aren't able to change is because the person feels a sense of fear to change.What the roots are of this fear are usually easiest to identify by talking with someone whom you trust and feel safe to talk about your inner thoughts and emotions.If you haven't got someone like this in your life, which is common, then shop around for a therapist because a therapist is someone who is professionally trained to listen in a way which helps someone know more about who they are.Be patient with yourself too.  Change sometimes feels much scarier and is more complex than simple compared with whatever you would like to change.
Question: After he got home from the hospital he was angry, then for a time wonderful.  Now he is depressed and hopeless again.

Answer: This must be so difficult for both of you.  Watching someone you love suffer so profoundly can bring up lots of difficult feelings.  Without knowing what you are already doing, I have a few thoughts to share with you. First and foremost, know that you cannot fix this for him, and get support for yourself.As much as you are able, make space in your relationship for him to talk about what he is experiencing.  He might not want to talk, and that is ok.If he wants to talk, try to listen without judgement and without trying to talk him out of his feelings.  Focus on validating his feelings and just sitting with him in his pain.Let him know how you feel...that you love him, that you care, that you are concerned, that this is scary for you too, that you are here.I hope that this is helpful.  On my website (www.sarahmcintyrelpc.com), I've written a series of blog posts about coping with distress.  The techniques I've written about there may be supportive for you and your husband.  Sending warm wishes your way.  -Sarah
Question: I have been married for 11 years. Within the past 2 years we have drifted far apart. We coexist together but there is very little personal interest in each other. I often feel that my husband has "friends" at work that he is more emotional invested in than me. I feel very alone and just uncared for.  Is there anything I can do to feel reconnected?

Answer: What you are describing is something I often refer to as "living with your roommate" phenomenon. This is the idea that you feel like you are living with a roommate and no your partner or spouse . It is not uncommon for members of a couple to report to feel both physical and/or emotional distance. When we don't feel connected within relationships, this can be isolating and lonely. The emotional distance often makes us wonder: am I important to the other? These types of feelings need to be better understood in the context of your own background and upbringing I.e., who you are and also better understood in the context of your couple. Feeling reconnected can occur-- but there is not a "one size fits all" solutoon. As a first step, do you or your partner have any ideas of how to feel reconnected? Have you considering talking to your partner about the emotional void? Or how about discussing  solutions , together, that might help-- from individual therapy to couple therapy to a weekly date night to inquiring about one another's personal interest to starting off the conversation of what both of you want and can do to re-establish feelings of connectiveness. If this is too frightening I.e., to address the lack of connection between you and your spouse.  a fist meeting with a couple therapist can likely help unpack what the possible solutions for your couple.
Question: I just took a job that requires me to travel far away from home. My family and I really need this job.

People keep telling me I have "anxiety" and I'm terrified of having an anxiety attack on the road. This is all new to me. What can I do?

Answer: It is ok to have anxiety.   Please don't be anxious about being anxious.If you feel anxiety coming over you, then pull off the road to a safe place.   Concentrate on centering yourself and to breath slowly.   Take some sips of water.  Sit still.     The anxiety should pass in about twenty minutes.If it does not pass, then continue calming yourself until you feel safe enough to drive to your hotel.     You can always explain to your supervisor that you were taking care of a medical problem, because anxiety is a medical problem.
Question: After he got home from the hospital he was angry, then for a time wonderful.  Now he is depressed and hopeless again.

Answer: Since as husband and wife your lives are closely joined, how your husband feels greatly influences the way you feel.Give yourself some time to concentrate on how you've been affected by your husband's suicide attempt.   Even if you decide against immediately telling him how you're feeling, knowing this about yourself will guide how and the topics you bring up with him.Is your husband talking easily with you?Do you have some ideas as to what is creating his feeling of hopelessness?The ideal approach would be if the two of you are able to discuss what bothers him and what bothers you.Depending on how far away you each are from such a position, you may benefit from speaking with a licensed professional therapist who can guide you and or you and your husband on opening up for discussion what feels stressful enough to merit taking one's own life.
Question: She refuses to talk to me and told my mom (her grand mother) that she is remembering things from the past. I don't know what to do. My daughter blames me and swears she hates me.

My parents say I should just let my daughter live with her dad, but I don't see how I could fix things if I only see her every other weekend. What should I do?

Answer: Sorry to hear about your high degree of stress.How old is your daughter?Who abused yours daughter?The answers make a difference to your decision.Obviously if the father was the abuser, then unless your ex demonstrates to you and you believe, he will not abuse her, your daughter should stay with you.If someone other than the father was the abuser and the father has a good relationship with your daughter, then it is possible that the time away from your household will give each of you time away from arguing with one another.What does your daughter tell you she wants?Her wishes must be considered too.Relationships can be fixed.   Sometimes being apart helps this process because the two people each have time to reflect more deeply on what they value about the other.
Question: Over a year ago I had a female friend. She turned out to be kind of crazy so I decided to stop talking to her.  When she would call me I wouldn't answer the phone. This made my girlfriend really suspicious. She would ask me why I wouldn't ever answer that phone number. I told my girlfriend that I don't want to be friends with that other woman, but I don't think she believes me. How can I get my girlfriend to understand?

Answer: Do you know why your girlfriend doesn't believe you?It is strange that your girlfriend prefers you to take the phone call of another woman.Have you blocked the unwelcome phone calls?Has your girlfriend said she doesn't believe you or is this your interpretation?Find out the answer and then ask your girlfriend to tell you her reasons behind her thoughts.It is much easier to help someone understand a situation if the person is engaged in a conversation.Whether or not she understands is up to her.All you can be responsible to do is to offer your explanation, which sounds like you've already substantially offered.Keep or reintroduce the topic for the two of you to talk about again.
Question: I have been married for 11 years. Within the past 2 years we have drifted far apart. We coexist together but there is very little personal interest in each other. I often feel that my husband has "friends" at work that he is more emotional invested in than me. I feel very alone and just uncared for.  Is there anything I can do to feel reconnected?

Answer: I'm sure you've tried to talk to your husband, but if not, could you? Have a conversation with him about him and his life, his work, etc. See if he relaxes and opens up to you, even a little bit. Don't try to have a heavy conversation or even unburden yourself to him during this first conversation - just try to be light-hearted and focus on hearing him. It's the first step towards getting your needs met too, and ending any emotional standoff that might have come about between you.
Question: My husband and I are separated and he doesn't even want to talk to me. 

He says he doesn't love me anymore, but I would do anything to get him back. Is there any hope?

Answer: There is always hope. So don't give up on hope.However, you knew I would say that, there is a lot work ahead of you.You need to see someone to talk things out.Get some space between you and your husband. Don't chase and please don't stalk him.Do some deep searching as to why he left and what part you had to cause the split.You can't change him but you are in control of your own change.With the help of a professional counselor you can get help and direction where you need to change.
Question: I hate everything I see in the mirror. I don't like being in pictures and always scribble out my face.  It's stressing me out. I don't trust my parents enough to tell them and I don't know what to do.

Answer: Check out my latest blog:  Four-ways-add-self-esteem-friends-listI hope this offers you some nuggets of helpfulness!
Question: My boyfriend shows affection, but I just push him away.  Every time my boyfriend tries to kiss, hug, or touch me I almost always push him away. I'm on birth control and it has killed my sex drive. 

 I love him so much.  Why do I do this?

Answer: Are you sure it is only the birth control pills which has changed your sex drive?My guess would be that possibly due to the hormonal changes of the pill, your own awareness and understanding of yourself in this relationship, is what is actually changing.Birth control pills control ovulation.   They don't directly prevent people from all desire to express affection.Allow yourself some time to reflect on how you feel toward your BF.   It is possible the birth control pills triggered a change in your attitude toward him.And, maybe independent of the pill, maybe you just are done with the relationship.
Question: My boyfriend shows affection, but I just push him away.  Every time my boyfriend tries to kiss, hug, or touch me I almost always push him away. I'm on birth control and it has killed my sex drive. 

 I love him so much.  Why do I do this?

Answer: There could be many reasons that you push your boyfriend away. It could be part of how you were raised, it could be because of culture, it could even be your own insecurities about yourself that are then outwardly manifested in you "pushing" him away. What is important in all this is that you both find a way to connect. So what if you aren't a hugger, a kisser, or a toucher you have to find what works for the both of you and your relationship. There are many ways to show affection that aren't physical (words of affirmation, giving of time and/or gifts, etc). If your boyfriend wants the physical attention then work on ways that are comfortable for the both of you making sure to start out slow and to work your way up to more physical touching.
Question: My wife is always accusing me of cheating and telling me that I'm doing things she finds disrespectful even when I don't mean it like that. For example, she gets offended when I call someone at work "sweetheart."  I wish I had a penny for every time she accused me of cheating on her.  She doesn't, and never will say she was wrong. How do I get her to understand?

Answer: Here is the truth: You will never get her to understand! because that would mean changing her and we can't change other people we can only change ourselves. I would recommend to take the time to self reflect on what exactly it is that you are doing that is contributing to the mixup. You both have very valid feelings and those won't magically go away until you address the root problem (which could be many factors). I am curious to know more about past relationships the both of you have had and how that plays a role in your current relationship. Many times we don't realize how past relationships truly impact our current behaviors.
Question: My husband and I had our first threesome recently. Everyone was drinking and he was on her more then me. 

He and I talked about it afterwards and it made me feel better, and now I'm craving more of it. But before it gets close to happening I get this empty feeling. Why am I feeling this way?

Answer: Hello, and thank you for your question. Nervousness, when doing something new, especially something sexual that can feel so personal, is very common. Indeed, despite the fact that nervousness can be uncomfortable, it is also part of the excitement of trying something new. Many people who engage in open, polyamorous, and/or other-type relationships, will tell you that difficult feelings, such as jealousy and anger, do show up sometimes. This doesn't prove that there is something wrong with the relationship, it just shows that you retain normal human emotions while in one. And many people who are in polyamorous relationships have written about the work it sometimes takes to make such relationships work. Of course, all relationships take work, so polyamorous and other types of relationships are simply not an exception. There could be several reasons why you are feeling the way you do. One reason could be that you are simply not as comfortable with the idea as you think you are. Some time and good communication with your husband may help you with this. Another reason this may be bothering you is because, on some level, you are aware of the messages society gives us about marriages. They are supposed to be monogamous, heterosexual, etc. etc. Just because you may not agree with these beliefs doesn't mean that you haven't been influenced by them. We all have. Another reason this may be upsetting you is because it may feel a little frightening. Perhaps there are a lot of "What ifs" going on in your mind. When you get the "empty" feeling, it may be helpful to try to really nail down the emotions that are attached to that feeling. One thing that I do think is very important is that you communicate these feelings to your husband. It may even be a good idea to talk about expectations or "ground rules", if you will. It is important that you are both on the same page about what this is, and why you are doing it. If you continue to struggle, I suggest finding a counselor who has experience in sex and sexuality.  I wish you well.Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPCC, NCC
Question: I don't know how to tell someone how I feel about them. How can I get better at expressing how I feel?

Answer: 

Let's just start with being real. Expressing
yourself is vulnerable, and being vulnerable is hard. It takes courage and work
to be vulnerable. My guess is that you have been shown in your lifetime that
being vulnerable (ie, expressing yourself) is unsafe. My assumption would be
you have been criticized, or ignored when you have expressed yourself in the
past, it has taught your emotional self to simply not do it again. This is a normal
protective mechanism that you have used to cope with past feelings of hurt. It
will take time and work to engage again in an emotional way.I would start my practicing and
identifying how you feel to yourself. Check in with yourself multiple times a
day to gage where you are at emotionally. After you feel you have a good grasp
on this, start to engage in emotional conversations with others. Choose others that
feel safe to you, a good friend that knows you well, or a sibling or family
member. Expressing yourself is a behavior that you have suppressed out of
protection, so you can choose to engage in safe emotional expression behaviors
just the same. Best of luck!
Question: We weren't long distance until he joined the military.  I love him and I know he loves, me but it's complicated. He said he's not going to find someone else, but I'm afraid. How do I keep our relationship going?

Answer: Hello. You are asking a very good question about how to sustain a long-distance relationship. Although maintaining a long-distance relationship has its challenges, with the proper communication, commitment, and understanding, many long-distance couples are able to thrive and maintain a close connection. Without knowing more about the "complicated" nature of your relationship, I wonder whether your boyfriend has given you reason not to trust him that makes afraid that he will find someone else. Has he cheated on you in the past and has shown romantic interest to another person that made you fear losing him?  Or, is your thought just a fear but not based on evidence? Knowing that distinction is important because if it is the latter, you may benefit from refocusing on the wonderful qualities about your partner that makes you feel good about him and the relationship rather than focusing on the unknown or uncertainty of the future. The more you focus on "what if" situations, the more you may feel anxious about a reality that is not accurate and make you act in ways that are insecure. However, if there is reason for you to question his fidelity, you may have to speak to your boyfriend about how to build trust in the context of a long-distance relationship. To help the conversation, you may need to consider what you may need to experience or receive as support to feel safe in the relationship to build trust. Is that you wish him to contact you regularly, or to include you more in his life, or to make a clear commitment? For many of my clients in my private practice, that may include talking to their partner often and using a variety of modalities including text, phone, and Skype. It's hard to believe in a relationship when you never talk to your partner, and it's hard to build a relationship when you don't know what's going on in your partner's life. Other times, it is Making sure they talk often to their long-distance partner so that they can participate in each others lives and to feel their presence.. Regular communication, understanding and caring is the key to sustaining any relationship, but this is especially true for long-distance ones. Dr. Virginia Chowwww.PsychologyResource.ca
Question: We weren't long distance until he joined the military.  I love him and I know he loves, me but it's complicated. He said he's not going to find someone else, but I'm afraid. How do I keep our relationship going?

Answer: You're right that long-distance relationships can be complicated. If he loves you and you love him, that's a great start. I wonder if you would be able or willing to have a discussion about what you love about each other and what makes each of you feel loved, valued, special, and appreciated.When having important discussions, consider the following:Make sure it is a good time to have a discussion (and if you're doing it in writing because of the distance, you could type something in the top of the message about not reading any further if the person who is reading doesn't have 10 minutes or something like that)Try to listen as though you are an investigative reporter trying to find out information about each other. Asking more questions in this manner can be a helpful way to be less defensive during difficult or emotional conversations.When having discussions face-to-face, I often recommend using timeout when things become very emotional and saying that you agree to go back to the conversation in 15 minutes or one hour or some short duration of time that allows for some of the immediate emotions to dissipate so it is easier to also talk about them. As for how that translates to distance, maybe each of you would say that you are working on figuring out how best to explain it and will answer the next time you have access to the Internet (or, if possible, use some kind of timeframe).Consider what questions you would like answers to. For example, are you wondering:What should I do if I miss you or want to talk to you more? I don't want to make you feel guilty, but I also don't want to hide my feelings. Can I share them with you?If you have days or weeks when we cannot be in contact directly, can I keep sending you messages or is that overwhelming?How will you ask for support from me?Some couples really want to protect each other. In doing so, instead of hiding our emotions, can we share them and work through them together?Whatever else comes to mind.Gary Chapman is famous for his books about the 5 Love Languages. He has one specifically for military families: The 5 Love Languages Military Edition: The Secret to Love That Lasts.Here's a list of books related to loving from a distance: http://www.longdistancerelationships.net/bookstor.htmI have not read these books myself, but I have read other works by a lot of the authors.One final tip: Consider making a list of times when you work together and both feeling calm, safe, and comfortable. These memories could be helpful to you during difficult moments.Best wishes to you. Remember that you could each see therapists in your respective locations if that would be helpful to you.
Question: I want to live with my mom. My dad gets angry and makes me feel like everything is my fault. I still talk to my mom although My dad tells me that I'm no allowed to. I'm scared I will make the wrong decision and that my dad will hate me. 

How do I tell him that I want to live with my mom?

Answer: There is a lot of information that needs to be filled in first. So what the custody arrangement? Does your dad have full custody? Is the custody shared? What does your mom think about the situation? Is she willing to go to bat for you?What is your age? Usually you have the right to choose based on age requirements set by the state.Legally you can't be kept away from your mom unless there is some legal complications that prevent it.Is your father abusive and should you seek protection?Many details need to be filled in.You can seek counseling without your parents approving or knowing, depending on your age.Find counseling through school or local agencies.You have rights and one of those is the right to choose.
Question: I feel so alone. I have so many people around me, but it seems as they just listen and dont understand.  They say it will all be okay, or they don't listen to me st all.  Everyone says they are here for me but it doesn't feel like they are. Why do I feel so alone?

Answer: You ask a very deep and sensitive question which reflects good self-awareness.It is possible you are a more sensitive and aware person than the people whom you describe as listening and not really hearing you.Not everyone has the same capacity or willingness to pay careful attention to what is going on in life.Maybe for right now, until you are able to find in person friends whom you're able to feel hear you the way you'd like to be heard, find online forums and groups of likeminded people.If you google a topic which you wish your friends would be better at understanding, there will be scores of groups, including google groups, which come up.You're not alone in the sense that there are definitely people on this earth who are sensitive, caring, and willing to talk and understand others.