Lathma/Mental_Health_Conversation_Dataset huggingface dataset:
Question: I'm feeling rejected and frustrated. This is not new. The first month we were together, sex was about every day. Then it slowed down to once a month right away. I love my husband, but I am struggling with this.

Answer: Feeling rejected and frustrated is a reasonable reaction to your experience with your husband. I want to encourage you that his actions may have little to do with you, and regardless of outcomes, I hope you find the help you need to process through your pain and still have hope for your marriage.   If your husband was to work with me I'd explore with him his understanding of, and experience with, intimacy in relationship with others. Furthermore, like other male clients of mine, I'd challenge your husband to secure an updated full medical exam from his PCP (primary care physician) and/or urologist in order to identify or rule out any organic issues which may be causing his apparent lack of desire for sexual intimacy. If there are no physical issues, per se, I would encourage your husband to process further his family of origin story-line regarding rules, roles, sex, and sexuality along with working through his sexual and trauma histories.
Question: I'm feeling rejected and frustrated. This is not new. The first month we were together, sex was about every day. Then it slowed down to once a month right away. I love my husband, but I am struggling with this.

Answer: This could have many different origins. Have you tried asking him about it? Sometimes starting with asking whether he would be open to having an important discussion can be a good beginning. If that starts well, perhaps continuing with something like "I've noticed that we haven't been together intimately (or whatever phrasing works for you) as much lately. Can you tell me more about what it's like for you?"When asking questions like this, it usually helpful to not overuse (and perhaps try to avoid using) the word "why." That word tends to trigger really strong emotional reactions in people. Try starting with "what makes" Instead. For example, "what made you choose not to do that?"
Question: I'm feeling rejected and frustrated. This is not new. The first month we were together, sex was about every day. Then it slowed down to once a month right away. I love my husband, but I am struggling with this.

Answer: Every area in a relationship, including intimacy,
experiences a decline after the initial honeymoon period.  Couples have to work to maintain the spark.  Find a moment to talk to your husband about
your concerns, and suggest ways to rekindle your sexual life, be open to listen
to his concerns and demands as well.  But
don’t forget that sex the fun part of being with someone, play, flirt, joke and
keep looking for ways to continue falling for each other.  Mi esposo solo tiene relaciones
conmigo una vez al mes o menos.  Me
siento rechazada y frustrada.  Esto no es
nuevo.  El primer mes que estuvimos
juntos, teníamos sexo casi todos los días. 
Luego se redujo a una vez por semana. 
Amo a mi esposo, pero esto me causa dificultad.Todas las áreas
de una relación, incluyendo la intimidad, sufren altas y bajas luego del
periodo de la luna de miel.  Las parejas tienen
que trabajar para mantener la chispa.  Encuentra
un momento para hablar con tu esposo sobre tu preocupación, y sugiere maneras
de reencender su vida sexual, está atenta a escuchar sus preocupaciones y
sugerencias al igual.  No olvides que el
sexo es una de las partes más divertidas de una relación, jueguen, coqueteen,
bromeen y continúen buscando maneras de enamorarse otra vez.
Question: I'm feeling rejected and frustrated. This is not new. The first month we were together, sex was about every day. Then it slowed down to once a month right away. I love my husband, but I am struggling with this.

Answer: Have you said anything to your husband about the way you're feeling?Start with this.Sex is after all, a two person enterprise.If he would like to talk about the way you're feeling, great and wonderful.  The two of you already are continuing to grow trust in your communication and relationship.If he doesn't want to talk about how you're feeling, then you're facing a different problemYour feelings are real and need to be handled.If you end up facing your feelings of frustration about your husband not wanting to have sex with you, on your own, then does your husband give you a truthful sounding reason as to why not?Ask what explains his disinterest in having sex with you.If he doesn't want to address this question, then you are a little further down the rung of trust and care about you.Depending on how satisfied you are with his answers, will guide you on how much dissatisfaction you can live with and why, longterm.
Question: We have been together over a year. We spend time together every day no matter how busy. He started to be unusually fatigued and losing weight. He also began to be distant and sexually selfish. We had a argument, and he confided he has late stage stomach cancer. He wont treat it.

Answer: I wonder if both you and your boyfriend could have a conversation about what you both want, wish for, and desire from one another right now. That doesn't necessarily mean that your partner will give everything that you ask for, but this is one of the ways that he can learn more about what would help you through this and you can learn how you could support him, since traditional medical treatment is not something he wants.You may also consider using some open-ended questions (not yes or no answers) to talk about what you're feeling about both about his cancer and about your relationship. Both of you may discuss different ways that you would like support from one another.I would also see if he was comfortable with you disclosing this to one or a few of your close friends (with him considering doing the same) so that you both have support that includes each other and also includes others because there may be days when you both have a negatively emotional day at the same time and would benefit from talking with someone else.It may also be a matter of conversation to discuss what makes you happy together and use those positive moments to help move through more difficult ones.
Question: We have been together over a year. We spend time together every day no matter how busy. He started to be unusually fatigued and losing weight. He also began to be distant and sexually selfish. We had a argument, and he confided he has late stage stomach cancer. He wont treat it.

Answer: Hello, and thank you for your question. I am very sorry about this life-altering situation that both you and your boyfriend are going through. To be sure, this is a devastating and lonely road for both of you. I say lonely because when things like this happen we often don't know what to say to each other, and so we suffer in silence with little support.Here are a few thoughts that I am having, and perhaps others will add things, too:1. By the sound of your main question, it seems like you have every intention to be there for your boyfriend during this difficult time. I am not sure if he is willing to talk about his health situation, but letting him know that you want to support him and also need his support may be helpful. 2. If it is possible, see if he would be willing to go to a counselor with you. There are many things that a counselor could focus on that may help your relationship, but also help you both cope with what is happening.3. If he refuses to seek support, you may want to consider going on your own. If you can't afford it, sometimes hospice organizations offer support groups and other services. It is very important not to neglect yourself. Be well,Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC
Question: I’m in a relationship with my child's father. I’m a really jealous person. We don’t go out or do anything with other people because of me. To keep our relationship going, I know I have to stop being jealous, but I can’t. How can I get over these issues?

Answer: It may be important to look at this as getting through something rather than "getting over it." If you're aware of the reasons why you are jealous, I don't know if they relate to this relationship or a previous one, but you could remind yourself of the differences if your feelings of jealousy relate to something from your past.Also, it may be beneficial to have a conversation with your child's father if you are both open to having a discussion about this in a way that you summarize what each other is saying so you are sure that you are understanding each other, at least to some degree.Also, consider what you may want from your child's father to assist you with this. You cannot make him do anything to support you with this, but you can certainly ask.What is something you could start or stop doing to move you toward your goal?
Question: I'm in my early 20s, and I've been seeing my boyfriend for a year now. My boyfriend has always been the sweetest guy until recently. He has made comments such as “you would look better as a Tumblr girl" or "you should start doing more squats." It's really hurtful.

Answer: My first thought was that I wondered what changed recently. Is he open to having a discussion about this so you can ask questions such as that one?It's possible that he does not understand the degree to which it hurts you.Try asking if there is a time that would be good to have a discussion that is important. I don't know how well the two of you have communicated over the last year, but if you are concerned about this turning into an argument, you may consider asking him to just listen to your point of view and see if he is able to summarize it correctly. Then you can listen to his side of the concern.
Question: I'm in my early 20s, and I've been seeing my boyfriend for a year now. My boyfriend has always been the sweetest guy until recently. He has made comments such as “you would look better as a Tumblr girl" or "you should start doing more squats." It's really hurtful.

Answer: Hello, and thank you for your question. I am very sorry that you are experiencing this. To be honest, this kind of behavior is really emotionally abusive, and you likely know that already. The unfortunate truth is, there is very little we can actually do to change another adult's behavior if they are not interested in changing it. Many people who behave in this way actually feel justified in saying what they say, or even believe that they are "helping" in some way by telling you how to improve yourself. What is actually going on is an attempt to control or change something about you by being coercive and abusive. It is important to know that this kind of behavior doesn't necessarily show up right away. That is why I am not surprised that you are a year in to this relationship and are just now noticing these behaviors. Some people actually don't see them until they are already married! You didn't mention that there has been any physical abuse, but I would warn you that this is sometimes a possibility once a person has already begun to be emotionally abusive. Other things to watch out for is your boyfriend trying to control who you hang out with, what you do and how you dress, etc. These are just more examples of emotional abuse and control. Here are some things to consider and some ideas:1. You could talk to your boyfriend about this behavior, if you believe it is safe to do so. Perhaps he will recognize that his behavior is not okay, and change. If not, then you may need to decide what you want to do about this relationship, given the fact that you cannot force him to change. 2. You can call a local domestic violence program. They do not only work with people who have been physically abused or have been married. They are trained to talk about emotional abuse, also. It may be a good thing for support. Your calls are confidential. 3. Check out the wheel in the link below. On it you will find some other common ways that abuse can happen in a relationship. If any of these are happening to you, or begin to happen, talking to a domestic violence program, a trusted friend or family member, or a counselor would be a good idea. http://www.domesticviolence-wilm.org/Portals/97/Images/violence_wheel.gif  Be well.... Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC
Question: My girlfriend remains friends with ex boyfriends/lovers on Facebook who actively like and comment on posts. It causes me to get jealous because I'm afraid they might reconnect somehow. I've attempted to talk to her about it, but she avoids it and doesn't seem to worry about how I feel about it.

Answer: Talking about it would probably be helpful if you're both in a place where you can decide when is best to talk about something that is important. It may also be helpful to ask if you could talk for two or three minutes to make a point and then have space for her to talk for the same amount of time. You can adjust the timing for what works for both of you. After one of you is talking, perhaps you could restate what you have heard the person say. This can lessen confusion.I know you say that she avoids it. It might be a good place to start talking about it – to see what makes her avoid it. It could be that she thinks any discussion about them is going to lead to an argument or you saying that she can't talk to them. I don't know how you typically react when you are jealous, but if you can discuss talking about this in a way that you are both open to hearing what the other person is experiencing, that may be helpful as well.
Question: Nothing we've tried has worked so far.

Answer: Sexual attraction is often discussed on a continuum. If you are saying that you are not attracted to your girlfriend, you could try changing what you do during sexual intimacy. You could also try slowly using nonsexual touch and discussing what you each like and would prefer to do more of compared to what is not as desirable. After doing this for nonsexual touching, it can also be used with sexual touching. Looking at more of what you like or would like to feel may be of help.
Question: Nothing we've tried has worked so far.

Answer: Probably what you should do is decide whether you can continue having a romantic and sexual relationship with someone to whom you don't feel like having sex.Five years is long enough to know that the way you feel toward your partner is more than likely going to remain this way.Talk with your gf about your feelings because she may not wish to be in a relationship in which her partner is not sexually attracted to her.
Question: She works with a man and always looks at guys that check her out.

Answer: I wonder if you are having some of these thoughts related to something that has neither happened directly to you in your past or to someone that you care about. This can often change the way that we look at different situations. Try to look at what feelings, for you when you notice that someone is "checking her out," and perhaps when you have felt these feelings before.If you trust your girl enough to have an open conversation, perhaps you could ask her whether she is willing to talk about something that is important to you. Then you could talk about feelings that you're having.
Question: My wife works late most days, so I'm lonely. I love my wife with all my heart, however I don't feel the intimacy we used to have. We don't have sex anymore, which bothers me tremendously. I have become close friends with a coworker, which I know is not helping. Nothing will happen with that, but there’s the thought.

Answer: First things first!  Friendships that develop in times of struggle may be a great emotional support, but also become confusing there's sexual attraction. And entertaining a tough is only going to make it a stronger target.  Careful with that friendship! You do not want to fill your marriage's void with another person.  Even when you are in a friend zone and not having intimacy with this person, you may be developing a special bond, sharing interest and activities that may lead to a deeper connection.  Ask yourself how you would feel if your spouse was having a friendship like that.Then try to refocus on your marriage. I suggest being transparent and talking to your wife about your feelings and concerns.  Ask her what you could do to reconnect, make some suggestions and dedicate time to practice them.  Make time in both of your schedules, make an effort to have lunch together, or to text during the day.  Remember that a marriage is like a very good friendship with benefits, but sometimes the responsibility kills the fun.¿Cómo puedo volver a enamorarme de mi esposa?Mi esposa trabaja tarde casi todos los días, la amo con todo mi corazón, pero no siento la intimidad como antes.  Ya no tenemos sexo, lo cual me molesta tremendamente.  Me he acercado a una amistad del trabajo, lo cual no ayuda.  Nada pasara, pero hay pensamientos al respecto.Primero lo primero! Las amistades que se desarrollan en momentos de crisis pueden ser un gran apoyo emocional, pero también pueden convertirse en algo nebuloso cuando hay atracción sexual. Entretener pensamientos al respecto solo lo va a hacer un reto más grande.  ¡Ten cuidado con esa amistad! No quieres llenar el vacío que deja tu matrimonio con esta nueva persona.  Aunque no estés teniendo intimidad con esa persona, puedes estar creando una conexión especial, compartiendo intereses en común y actividades que los unen más aun. Pregúntate como te sentirías si tu esposa tuviera una amistad así.Intenta reenfocarte en tu matrimonio.  Sugiero que seas transparente con tu esposa y le dejes saber tu preocupación y como te sientes con el distanciamiento.  Pregúntale que le gustaría hacer para reconectarse, sugiérele algunas ideas y dediquen tiempo a las mismas.  Hagan tiempo en sus agendas para ustedes, hagan un esfuerzo para almorzar juntos, y comunicarse durante el día, aunque sea con textos.  Recuerda que el matrimonio es como una muy buena amistad con beneficios y muchas veces las responsabilidades matan la diversión.
Question: My boyfriend of eight years and father of our two children is a truck driver. He is never home and only contributes to our family financially. There is no other support given. He comes home when able, sleeps, gives money, and leaves again. I can't get him to do anything with me or the kids. He just sleeps and works.

Answer: After eight years and two children’s, people change.  I suggest to talk to him about how you feel, let him know that although he is gone for a long time, his presence as a husband and father are required and important.  Ask him if he will be willing to engage again and how he would like to do so.  Many times when the dads are away, moms design a perfect routine and they feel like they will disturb it.  Make alone time and family time for him, so you can reconnect as a couple and then as a family.¿Cómo trabajo con un esposo que solo contribuye económicamente?Mi novio de ocho amos y padre de mis dos hijos es camionero. El nunca está en casa y solo contribuye financieramente. No provee apoyo en ninguna otra forma. El viene a casa cuando puede, duerme, provee dinero y se va otra vez. No puedo lograr que haga nada conmigo y los niños. Solo duerme y trabaja.Después de ocho años y dos hijos las  personas cambian.  Te sugiero que hables con tu pareja sobre cómo te dientes, déjale saber que aunque el esta fuera la mayoría del tiempo, su presencia como pareja y padre es requerida e importante. Pregúntale si el está dispuesto a comprometerse  ser parte activa de la familia y como lo haría.  Muchas veces cuando los papás están afuera las mamás desarrollan rutinas que luego ellos no quieren interrumpir.  Crea tiempo a solas para dedicarle a el para que puedan reconectar como pareja y luego como familia.
Question: My boyfriend and I have been going out for about a year. I suddenly find myself jealous when I see him talking to other girls. I have never been this way before. I don't like these feelings. He said that my jealousy would cause our relationship to have problems. I told him I can't help these feelings. I don't know where they are coming from, but this is how I feel, I tried to stop, but I can't. I really like this guy, but I'm afraid that I'm messing up the relationship. It's just stupid.

Answer: Trust is at the top of what makes a healthy relationship.  It sounds like you may benefit from personal counseling to explore where this jealousy comes from and what keeps you from having complete trust in your boyfriend.  This is not stupid, this is your mind telling you that there is something that needs to be worked through.  Sometimes we need to talk to someone like a counselor who is disconnected from our life to understand our feelings and what they mean in our relationships.
Question: We've been dating for two months now. I have a heavy past that gets him angry. Does he have a right to penalize me for things I did before I met him?

Answer: Not in my book. You're only two months in? At this early stage, this is a bit of a warning sign. If he can't accept or feel comfortable with who you are and decisions you've made, there's already a level of discomfort here that shouldn't be ignored. No, he doesn't have the right to penalize you or punish you ...not just for past things...not for anything. What he does get to do it tell you how it affects him. Sure...if he feels uncomfortable or needs reassurance...listen to those things. But If he doesn't dig who you are, maybe he can walk the other way.
Question: We've been dating for two months now. I have a heavy past that gets him angry. Does he have a right to penalize me for things I did before I met him?

Answer: How is he penalizing you?Have you asked for his reasons for wanting to know about your heavy past?His answers may be very different than that he would like penalizing you.What you can do is explain how pressured you feel by his questions.Ideally, the two of you will become much closer by talking openly about your respective discomforts and wishes from the other.
Question: My husband and I are in our 40s. We’ve been married 17 years. Three weeks ago, he said he loves me but is not in love with me. He was going to leave me, but he said he thought about it and decided to stay. I don't know how to feel any more. How should I take what he said and not feel so hurt? He has been very blunt, and hurtful words just come out of his mouth. He makes me feel like I'm nothing, but I so dearly love him with everything in me. He said it wasn’t a mid-life crisis.

Answer: I get it. Your husband tells you that he's not in love with you, but oops, he's changed his mind and will tolerate you for a while longer? Excuse me? My Dear, it's okay if you expect more than that from a marriage. Maybe the question has shifted from whether he is happy in the marriage to whether you are happy in the marriage. You say you love this man,  who makes you "feel like nothing". I say it might be time to sit down with an individual therapist and look objectively at your marriage and whether it's working for you.