Lathma/Mental_Health_Conversation_Dataset huggingface dataset:
Question: Any time my family and friends are in an altercation, I’m the one who steps in. I’m the one they call to fight for them. I do this even though I have a tough time trusting the people I’m fighting for. I’m only in my early 20s.

Answer: You could be protective because of things that happened in your past or in the past of the people that you are protecting. A lot of us have natural instincts that we do not want other people to be in pain. For other people, conflict is just hard to watch and/or listen to.As for having a tough time trusting them, that could also relate to past events between you and these other people or it could relate to the conflict that you mentioned. It can be difficult to trust someone deeply when you don't know when the next big fight or argument is going to start.The next time you step in for someone, consider asking yourself what is making you do that? What are you feeling in the moment?
Question: Any time my family and friends are in an altercation, I’m the one who steps in. I’m the one they call to fight for them. I do this even though I have a tough time trusting the people I’m fighting for. I’m only in my early 20s.

Answer: Breaking the patterns of relating to family members, is difficult work.In the situation you describe, both you and the family members who ask for your intervention, will be affected by any change you decide to make in the way all of you handle family disagreements.Always, it is best for any two people who have a disagreement, to talk directly with each other.   A third person distracts from the content and reasons for disagreeing.Maybe knowing that by pulling yourself away from mediating family arguments, you will in the long term be doing good for your family, helps you do the actual work of separating yourself from their arguments.Definitely, the fact that you're writing about the problem, shows you feel like doing something which feels better than how you feel currently.It is very healthy for you to listen to your gut intuition telling you to pull out of the mediator role you are in currently.You may feel guilty, your family members will most likely do everything possible to persuade, convince,  and push you back into their arguments.This doesn't make them right in what they're doing, it only makes your job harder of trying to let them have their fights on their own.
Question: She has chronic inflammatory demyelinating polyneuropathy, and I’m her caregiver. All she does is complain, hit me, call me names, and say things happened that didn’t. When I tell her, she explodes. I didn’t always hate her, but now every little thing she does irritates me, and I don’t have the means to live on my own.

Answer: It sounds like you are hating some of the things that your mom does rather than hating her.Something you may be able to do is call the area agency on aging for the county where you live and ask for information about having other people help to care for your mom. I don't know how old your mom is, but if she is younger, they would probably have resources to other ways that you could have help. If you are both open to the possibility of someone else helping out, this may help with some of the difficulties between you if you are not spending quite as much time together. Do you think your mom is able to actually recognize how what she does and says affects you?From whom do you have support during all of this?
Question: My mom and dad got divorced four years ago. I had to finish out the school year with my dad, and now they are deciding which place is best for me. I can't choose. How can I choose if I love both places?

Answer: I don't know how old you are, but depending on that, you may be able to talk with them about spending some time in both places. Even parents who live in different states can do that sometimes. It's not as frequent as spending one week at one house and the next week and the other, but I know that it happens.If you can talk with both of your parents about how you would like to live in both places, maybe you can all work out some kind of agreement.
Question: My dad is doing some really bad drugs, and I'm not allowed to see him anymore because of what he can do to me or my siblings on this drug. It has affected me tremendously in my life. It’s even caused me anger and stress.

Answer: It seems like you are going trough stages of grief, since the inability to see your father causes you similar feelings as if you had lost him.  Perhaps you could send him letters expressing your feelings and hopes.  But do understand that if he is under the influence of drugs he might not be able to empathize with your feelings or react in the way that he would have done so in the past.  As the issue evolves find a therapist or counselor to help you work on letting go of that anger and stress, which may affect you negatively.  Find forgiveness so you can have a relationship with him in the future.  ¿Qué puedo hacer con mi padre usuario de drogas?Mi papa está usando drogas muy malas, y no estoy autorizada a verlo por lo que me puede hacer a mí y a mis hermanos.  Esto afecta mi vida tremendamente.  Me causa coraje  estrés.Parece que estas pasando por estados de luto, ya que el no poder ver a tu padre causa sentimientos similares a cuando hay una perdida.  Tal vez puedes escribirle cartas expresando tus sentimientos y esperanzas.  Pero comprende que si el está bajo la influencia de drogas puede que no sienta empatía o te responda como lo solía hacer.  Mientras el problema se resuelve busca un consejero o terapeuta que te ayude a trabajar en resolver los sentimientos de coraje y estrés, trabaja también en perdonarlo para que puedas tener una relación con él en el futuro.
Question: I'm in my mid-twenties now, and my boyfriend of seven years and I want to start a life. My mother is 100% codependent on me and is extremely manipulative. She suffers from type 1 diabetes, which she uses to guilt me if I ever leave her. The problem is that I will feel guilty.

Answer: Focus more on your own life and less on the very heavy descriptors you wrote to describe your mom.All the words you wrote represent psychological conditions which are either lifelong or take a lot of motivation and effort to change.Since the only person who can change how your mom handles her life, is your mom, and you are the only one who can do the same for yourself, devote more energy and time to living your own life fully, despite the emotions you feel regarding her.
Question: My mother and I have an okay relationship. I know she loves me unconditionally, and I love her the same. However, more times than not, I'm afraid to tell her anything personal because she either doesn't listen, she turns it around and makes everything about her, or she ignores things - even when they are about my mental health.

Answer: How can I get my mother to listen to me without her freaking out?Communication with our loved ones can be tricky, but it is the key to maintaining a healthy and functional relationship with them. At times, it seems difficult to communicate with our family because many feelings and “undercover” messages are attached. Especially with our mothers, who often provide advice and feel responsible for us, it may feel like they are making everything about themselves as they express their worries and concerns.So what to do? First will be important to practice active listening skills, to ensure that you are receiving and understanding the message, without filtering it trough your own emotions or preconceptions of the person who speaks.  Second, learn and practice assertive communication skills.  Those will help you to communicate a message clearly and in pieces.  It also emphasizes using I-statements to express how you feel at times when emotions become affected by the interaction.  Third, you should practice, by writing your I-statement or role playing with your counselor.   The trick with communication skills is that we need to practice them as often as possible until you to master them.  You can also contact a family therapist to improve those skills if it becomes challenging, or contact a mediator if more issues arise.¿Cómo puedo lograr que mi mamá me escuche sin alarmarse tanto?La comunicación con nuestros seres queridos puede ser dificultosa, pero es la clave para mantener relaciones saludables y funcionales con ellos.  A veces, nos parece aun más difícil comunicarnos con nuestra familia, porque hay muchos sentimientos y mensajes envueltos en la comunicación.  Especialmente nuestras  madres,  pueden hacer parecer que están convirtiendo el asunto en algo personal, cuando se sienten preocupadas y responsables por nosotros y nuestras acciones.¿Y qué hacemos?  Primero debemos aprender a escuchar activamente, para asegurarnos de que comprendemos el mensaje, y que no lo estemos filtrando a través de nuestras emociones e ideas de la otra persona. Segundo, aprende y practica comunicación asertiva.  Esto te ayudara a comunicar un mensaje claramente y en pedazos.  También te ayudar a aprender expresiones del Yo, para identificar sentimientos afectados durante la interacción.  Tercero, es importante que practiques estas destrezas, ya sea escribiendo o con tu consejero.  El secreto está en practicar las técnicas de comunicación cuantas veces sea posible, hasta que las uses espontáneamente.  Si tienes dificultad aprendiendo estas técnicas, o el conflicto con tu mama es uno muy difícil de resolver, puedes contactar un consejero o mediador familiar para que te asista.
Question: My mother and I have an okay relationship. I know she loves me unconditionally, and I love her the same. However, more times than not, I'm afraid to tell her anything personal because she either doesn't listen, she turns it around and makes everything about her, or she ignores things - even when they are about my mental health.

Answer: Could you tell her ?  What would happen if you said "Mom, I love you and I really want to share myself with you, but often I you get upset and I don't want that to happen. I really want to be able to talk to you."
Question: It happens especially at me and my sister, and then she gets emotional and brings up the past. How should I deal with it? She is always stressed about her work and doesn't put her family first.

Answer: You are very wise for a young person. You have already figured out that other people's behaviours...how they treat you...it's not about you...it's about them. I love that you don't blame yourself for your mom's behaviours. It's not your fault. She's getting upset because she doesn't know how to manage her emotions, and these emotions have to do with her past and her present stress. You're just the trigger. Yes, this is normal, but it's not necessary. She can find another way to manage her "stuff".Unfortunately, you can't help your mom a whole lot or even help her recognize this. But for yourself... remembering that her behaviours are her issue is the biggest piece of "dealing with it". You can always try some new strategies when you talk to mom...you can say "I'll listen you better if you don't bring up past stuff", or "I'm worried about you mom. You seem stressed", or even "I don't like the way you talk to me". Good luck!
Question: It happens especially at me and my sister, and then she gets emotional and brings up the past. How should I deal with it? She is always stressed about her work and doesn't put her family first.

Answer: Anger is a normal emotion, and yet it is a really hard one... how much is too much? and how do you express it without damaging those around you? yes mom's get angry, sometimes too easy... but its their responsibility to manage their anger-- get their own support and put themselves in time outs when they cannot handle it well.  Since you are the kids, you shouldn't have to fix or calm down mom's anger. Maybe in a calmer time when you guys are being silly talk with her one on one? Tell her  you are feeling sad and hurt that she gets upset at you girls. Ask her if there is 1 thing you can work on this next month to help her. Ask her if she would work on 1 thing for you this month-- not yelling? taking a time out? telling you before she blows her top so you can exit the room? Also for you, check out a library book on anger so you know how to handle yours, and one on parents and anger. Number one to remember, if you don't feel safe, if she is calling you names, or hurting you, breaking things etc. make sure you go to a trusted adult--school counselor, neighbor, aunt, church friend as soon as possible. You are much too important to be hurt and if mom is out of control, someone else needs to be --caring for you.
Question: My parents seem okay with other sexualities, but normally they only talk about being gay. When they do talk about bisexuality, they say things like “they'll do anything” or things that make me very uncomfortable because I am bisexual. I don't know if I am ready to come out to them.

Answer: Coming out to family members can cause a lot of anxiety. However,  although I cannot promise what their reaction will be, the benefit is that you will no longer have to hide who you are. Perhaps researching or getting information on bisexuality can help your family understand what it truly is to be bisexual. Many times,  people are just not educated on certain things.
Question: My parents seem okay with other sexualities, but normally they only talk about being gay. When they do talk about bisexuality, they say things like “they'll do anything” or things that make me very uncomfortable because I am bisexual. I don't know if I am ready to come out to them.

Answer: Perhaps you are not ready to come out to your parents.  Often times our readiness is not dependent on what others' will say or how they react. But more so dependent on how emotionally prepared we are to deal with others' reactions.  It may be beneficial for you to play out each possible scenario and conclusion (eg. your parents being supportive vs. your parents being disappointed and so on). How are you prepared to deal with the outcome?  You may also seek help through counselors, support groups and/or individuals you know that have dealt with similar situations to help you prepare to discuss this with your parents.  All the best!
Question: I'm in love with my own gender, and my parents are against that. I don't know how to tell them because I'm afraid they'll not want me anymore.

Answer: Hello, and thank you for your question. This is one of those times when you wish you could assure someone that everything will go perfectly, but unfortunately I can't do that. There is no way of knowing how parents might respond until you tell them. The truth is that people have come out to their parents in many different ways. Some have told their parents directly, some drop hints, some have had others tell their parents, etc. The only "right" way to come out is the one that you choose. The one that feels right to you. That is the best way. Some people decide not to come out, and some wait for a very long time. Both of these things are okay. Coming out is deeply personal, and there can be real consequences to someone's emotional health and safety if they tell the wrong person. That is why it should only be done when you are ready. When you feel that you have the emotional and personal support that you need to take the risk. Sometimes people can feel pressured to come out, but I encourage you to do it in your own time. The truth is, there is a spectrum of how people's parents react to this kind of news. On one end, you may have the parents who shut a person out and are abusive, and on the opposite side you may have parents that are totally okay with it and throw you a "Coming Out" party. Most parents are going to fall somewhere in the middle. It is important to remember that their feelings may change over time. Many parents struggle at first, but they love their kids and get better with it over time. If you decide to tell them, consider taking someone along to support you. Plan ahead on what you want to say. It can be an emotional time, so do what you need to do to take care of yourself. If you need to, leave. You don't have to stay anywhere where someone is being cruel to you. I wish you well, and good luck.Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC
Question: I work two jobs and go to school for criminal justice. Over the summer, my father had a stroke. It was very devastating. My father isn't the same, and my family fights every day. I have been kicked out the house many times. I break down a lot.

Answer: You undoubtedly are carrying a huge weight on your shoulders. Stressors come in many forms and you are engulfed in a few of the major ones as it relates to dealing with the declining health of your father, family conflict, as well as trying to balance a work and school schedule. Stress, if left unchecked has many negative health related implications. First and foremost I would recommend going to see a counselor at your college/university. Most colleges have counseling centers for students that usually allow for 5-6 free counseling sessions (your tuition actually pay for these sessions so take advantage of them). Secondly I would advise you to take a minute and breathe. When confronted with overwhelming life issues it is common to busy ourselves in an attempt to distract ourselves from the drama, but sometimes that can compound our stress. When dealing with stress it is important that you engage in self care. In other words find time to engage in activities that bring you a sense of peace, enjoyment, and fulfillment in order that you may get a momentary release from your daily hectic life. Even with a normal life there is no way to escape stress, it is inevitable and a part of life, but how you deal with stress, as well as how you take care of yourself in the midst of these whirlwind events will determine your quality of life. I hope this helps...
Question: I saw my mother cheating on my dad before. I said something to her, and she said it was in the past. Yesterday, I saw her texting dirty things to the same guy. Should I talk to her again? I don't want my parents to go their separate ways, I just want her to stop. it's not fair.

Answer: You as the child in the middle of your parents' problems is the worse position to be in.  I can only imagine your hurt, pain and confusion on what to do.  Honestly, this is a hard question to answer without knowing your age, your parents' ability to handle hearing information from you and your maturity to handle what may happen in the end.  One thing I would like to note....your parents may be in the same house but if your mother is cheating, they have already gone their separate ways.
Question: I avoid talking to him because he always makes me more upset. I can't be honest with him about anything because he is always rude to me.

Answer: Hi Troy, I totally get this. It's a dilemma; you want your dad to know how he's hurting you but you don't feel safe enough to say anything to him. Your reaction is understandable; it's his responsibility as a parent to work harder than you to create that safe place for you to be open. But that's not who your dad is. Your dad is your dad, and waiting for him to change won't really help. Nothing you do can change your dad, but...there are things you can do for yourself and your relationship with him. While your response of avoiding him is understandable, I wonder what effect it has on your dad. It's possible that he's feeling frustrated, rejected and punished by your withdrawal. You may think he knows that you're feeling hurt, but he probably doesn't. So this is the squirrel chasing its tail: your dad is rude, so your habit is to be silent, then he maybe feels abandoned and frustrated. His frustration comes out as more rudeness, which makes you want to withdraw more, and the cycle starts all over again. You can't change his part of the cycle but you can change yours.Are you willing to take a risk? Can you be honest about how you're feeling? What's the worst thing that could happen if you said to your dad "You know why I avoid you? I stay silent because when I talk to you say rude things. So if you want me to talk, I need to know you can listen." I imagine it would come out differently because you're a few generations younger than me, but put that into your own words.I don't know the level of your dad's 'rudeness'. If he is abusive, then a better plan is to see a therapist alone or talk to someone about this. I don't want to put you at any risk. But if you don't worry your dad will hurt you, maybe give honesty a try.My point is that, as rude as your dad may be, checking out of a relationship by being silent is also rude. It's powerful...your silence. Your dad can't read your mind, and if you want things to be better you will need to get in that ring with him.And, if you're both open to it, seeing a therapist together can be really helpful. :)
Question: She is living with her boyfriend of seven years. He is in therapy for depression and social anxiety. He hasn't worked in all this time.

Answer: Congrats on your upcoming grandchild!Does your daughter want you to break news of her pregnancy, to the family?Talk with your daughter first, whether or not she would like you to tell other family members.Also, given the other facts you mention in your post, if household and financial management are areas you feel your daughter is vulnerable, then bring up these topics too.Stay open minded about your daughter having views which are different from yours.
Question: She is living with her boyfriend of seven years. He is in therapy for depression and social anxiety. He hasn't worked in all this time.

Answer: Hi New York, There is no need for shame here; no one's done anything wrong! A pregnancy is a glorious gift to be celebrated. I wonder what gets in the way of you celebrating your daughter's pregnancy? Are they excited about it? I bet they are. They've been together for seven years. Even if it caught them off guard, the best thing for them and this new baby is to celebrate the joy of this new little person and their growing family. If you are happy for them and help spread their joy, how marvelous would that be for them as a family?New York, I will be honest with you; I hope that's okay. I sense that maybe you are feeling judgemental towards them. Do you dislike or judge his struggle with mental illness? Do you see him as less than worthy because he hasn't worked? I don't know for sure, but I imagine maybe his anxiety and depression get in the way of working. Maybe he's on a social disability? Mental illness doesn't make someone less lovable or valuable as a partner. He's getting help for himself and that's wonderful. If your daughter loves him and is happy with him... If he is her chosen man, then they absolutely need your support, not your judgement. And if they struggle as a couple, you know what...they will need it even more!Is this your first grandchild? If not, then I don't have to say this, but if it is...you are in for the most amazing adventure of your lifetime. You will fall in love so deeply with this child. S/he needs that...this baby needs your love and support.So, you say to your family... "I have amazing news! My daughter is expecting a baby! I'm going to be a grandparent!! I can't wait".
Question: I keep being mean to my best friend, and I don't know why all the time. I did come to maybe some kind of conclusion that it is because my mother is mean to me all the time. Could that be a cause?

Answer: Hi Morristown,There's a saying that goes "hurt people hurt people". It's possible that your aggression towards your friends is connected to your mother's behaviours. When we are treated poorly, especially as children, it affects how we ourselves, others, and the world. It's also powerful modelling of aggressive behaviour. The good news is that you have this lovely awareness and I think a desire to learn about yourself and grow in your ability to be respectful to people you care about. I recommend you consider sitting down with a therapist and exploring these ideas and moving forward on that path you seem to want to be on. Good luck!