Khalida1w/funny_quotes huggingface dataset:
“You know, it’s crazy what a little perspective can do to your life. For example…cotton candy is not as great as everyone makes it out to be. It’s better.”
— Finn Eccleston,
“I was so caught up in my thoughts I did not notice the wire till I got caught up in it. Right. Of course. Tomato patch. Those poor fruits. Or vegetables. Those poor fruitables. Those poor veguits. I have too much time on my hands.”
— Finn Eccleston,
“The Council requests your presence.”“Well I require breakfast.”
— Finn Eccleston,
“Tehol wiped sweat from his brow. ‘Give me some of that hen tea, will you?’ ‘With or without?’ ‘With or without what?’ ‘Feathers.’ ‘That depends. Are they clean feathers?’ ‘They are now,’ Bugg replied. ‘All right, then, since I can’t think of anything more absurd. With.’ Bugg reached for a clay cup. ‘I knew I could count on you, Master.”
— Steven Erikson,
“Helion, High Lord of the Day Court, arrived at the Hewn City the next afternoon on a flying horse.He'd wanted to enter the dark city in a golden chariot led by four snow-white horses with manes of golden fire, Rhys had told Cassian, but Rhys had forbidden the chariot and horses, and let Helion know that he could winnow in or not come at all.Hence the pegasus. Helion's idea of a compromise.Cassian had heard the rumours of Helion's rage pegasuses. Myth claimed his prized stallion had flown so high the sun had scorched him black, but beholding the beast now... Well, Cassian might have been envious, if he didn't have wings himself.”
— Sarah J. Maas,
“Where's my beautiful Mor?'Az said tightly, 'Away.''Pity. She's far nicer to look at than either of you.'Cassian rolled his eyes.”
— Sarah J. Maas,
“Can you show Nesta how to ward it herself? Something perhaps with a bit more... oomph?''Oomph?' Rhys asked, lifting an eyebrow.'Oomph,' Feyre said, throwing him a glare. 'We can't all be silver-tongued like you.'Rhys winked. 'Good thing you benefit from it, Feyre darling.”
— Sarah J. Maas,
“What are you thinking about?' Helion drawled as they approached a shut wooden door.Cassian straightened. He hadn't realised his thoughts had dragged such a scent from him. He grinned. 'Your mother.'Helion chuckled. 'I always forget how much I like you.''Happy to remind you.' Cassian winked.”
— Sarah J. Maas,
“Found the rum, did you?’ Lutes said from behind her, ‘She’s poisoning her liver.’ ‘My liver’s fine, soldier. Just needs a squeezing out.’ ‘Squeezing out?’ She turned round and glared at the squad healer. ‘I seen livers before, Cutter. Big sponges full of blood. Tumbles out when you cut someone open.’ ‘Sounds more like a lung, Sergeant. The liver’s this flat thing, muddy brown or purple—”
— Steven Erikson,
“We'll do the warm-up, and then we're moving into some core work.'She gaped. Her... core?'Abdominals,' he clarified, and pink washed across his face. He cleared his throat. 'Filthy mind.' He flicked her cheek. 'Too much smut.”
— Sarah J. Maas,
“You're going to make me look like that?'His low laugh rippled over her body. 'No one can look like this but me, Nes.'Arrogant ass.'Rhysand and Azriel do,' she said sweetly.'I've got one or two muscles on them.''I don't see it.'He winked. 'Maybe they're in other places.'She couldn't help it. Couldn't stop it. Not the flash of desire, but the smile that overtook her face. She huffed a laugh.Cassian stared like he hadn't seen her before.His shock was enough that Nesta dropped her smile.”
— Sarah J. Maas,
“Miss Vesper Holly has the digestive talents of a goat and the mind of a chess master. She is familiar with half a dozen languages and can swear fluently in all of them.”
— Lloyd Alexander,
“I had no idea punching was so fraught with peril.''Apparently, it takes brains to be a brute.”
— Sarah J. Maas,
“I can't be perfect every moment of every day, Nes." His eyes flickered”
— Sarah J. Maas,
“So those abdominal exercises are useful beyond wanting to show off your muscles?'He threw her a wry grin. 'You really think this is just for show?''I think I've caught you looking at yourself in that mirror at least a dozen times each lesson.' Nesta nodded to the slender mirror across the ring.He chuckled. 'Liar. You use that mirror to watch me when you think I'm not paying attention.”
— Sarah J. Maas,
“You're an arrogant bastard.''And you're a haughty witch. We're evenly matched.”
— Sarah J. Maas,
“Did something happen that I, as your chaperone, should know about?”
— Sarah J. Maas,
“Junior huffed. "The point is, this rope is even better! I call it Andskoti, the Adversary. It is woven with the most powerful paradoxes in the Nine Worlds Wi-Fi with no lag, a politician's sincerity, a printer that prints, healthy deep-fried food, and an interesting grammar lecture!""Okay, yeah," I admitted. "Those things don't exist.”
— Rick Riordan (Author),
“Cassian grinned and said to Azriel, 'We're going to be uncles.'Feyre groaned. 'Mother help this child.'Azriel's own grin bloomed at that, but Feyre's gaze slid to Nesta.Nesta said quietly to her sister, 'Congratulations.'For she'd said nothing, had only been able to stand and watch them all, their joy and closeness, as if she were looking in through a window.But Feyre offered her a tentative smile. 'Thank you. You'll be an aunt, you know.''Gods help this child indeed,' Cassian muttered, and Nesta glared at him.”
— Sarah J. Maas,
“Also, I'm Malcolm." He smiled. "So now I'm a stranger no more.""I know Beyoncé's name," said Alby. "And she's still a stranger to me.”
— Vita Luna,
“Turn a blind eye, chaperone.”
— Sarah J. Maas
“The disk, of Swiss manufacture, unfolded into a tent whose vast interior defied belief; Less was fascinated by its pockets, air vents, rain flies; its stitching, netting, and circular Guggenheim ceiling. But, like the Swiss, it was neutral; it did not love him back”
— Andrew Sean Greer,
“You're drooling,' Cassian said to her, and Nesta went rigid.'If there was anything enticing,' she hissed, entering the ring, 'it was seeing Azriel punch your face.'Cassian motioned for her to get into her fighting stance. 'Keep telling yourself that, Nes.”
— Sarah J. Maas,
“Stop looking so nervous,' Cassian muttered out of the corner of his mouth.'I'm not nervous,' Nesta muttered back, even as she bounced on her feet, trying not to stare toward the open archway as the clock ticked toward nine.'Just relax.' He straightened his jacket.'You're the one fidgeting,' she hissed.'Because you're making me fidget.”
— Sarah J. Maas,
“I grew up in a country of over a billion people. The first uncomfortable question I asked my parents was not where children came from, but why were there so many of them.”
— Daksh Tyagi,
“I have an appointment,' Nesta said, levelling a cool glance at him. She sniffed at the male. Her nose crinkled. 'And you seem to need an appointment with a bath.'He turned fully to her, muscled shoulders pushing back. Even with the glazed expression, ire boiled in his stare. 'Do you know who I am?''A drunk fool wasting my time,' Nesta said. Two Siphons- a blue darker than Azriel's- sat atop the backs of his large hands. 'Get out.”
— Sarah J. Maas,
“Do yourself a favour and get out.'Bellius rose to his full height, wings flaring. 'Or what?'Nesta picked at her nails. 'I don't think you want to find out the or what part.”
— Sarah J. Maas,
“I guess he's used to flexing his dick and getting what he wants. Mum's dick is more impressive.”
— Dot Hutchison,
“Steps scuffed down the hall. A warning. From someone who knew how to remain silent....Cassian had just finished setting himself to rights when Azriel strode in.'Good evening,' his brother said with a grating level of calm, striding toward the table.'Az.' Cassian wasn't able to keep the bite out of his tone. He met his brother's too-aware stare and silently conveyed every bit of annoyance he felt at his timing. Azriel only shrugged, surveying the food the House had brought him. As if he knew exactly what he'd interrupted and took his chaperone duties very seriously.Nesta was watching them, but as soon as Cassian turned to her, she launched into movement, pushing off the table and aiming for the door. 'Good night.' She didn't wait for him to respond before she was gone.Cassian levelled a glare at Az. 'Thanks for that.''I don't know what you're talking about,' Az said, even as he smiled down at his food.'Asshole.'Az chuckled. 'Don't show your hand all at once, Cass.''What's that supposed to mean?'Az nodded toward the doorway. 'Save something for later.''Busybody.”
— Sarah J. Maas,
“Was this mark in the service of a magus?”“Yes.” She frowned. “My master, Warlord Grimore, does all he can to oppose the magus plague.”“Grimore, you say?” Troy’s gaze slid over to me. “I thought you called her companion.”“She is.”She tensed at Troy’s tone. “I misspoke. Grimore is my former master. Master Whispier is now my master.”“Companion,” I corrected. She lifted her face and met my gaze across the table. “You are my companion, and I am yours. We are equals in this bond.”The depths of her dark eyes flashed with sudden, intense emotion. Troy moved to speak, but I lifted my hand to stop him. “You wish to say something, Avril?”“There is nothing equal about our bond. I agreed to spend time in your presence. What have I received in return?”“Safety, security, food, rest—”“And no freedom.”“Hardly. You can come and go as you please. Just return by nightfall.” I purposefully picked up my glass with a careful movement. “I told you that you were free to do anything short of attacking me.”A biscuit bounced off my head with such force that it rebounded across the room and struck the far wall.”
— Elisa Rae,
“I don't know what the two of you have been doing in this House, but it reeks of sex.Cassian snorted. A polite male never tells.Rhys's laughter rumbled in his mind. I don't think you know what the word polite means.Thanks the gods for that.His brother laughed again. I old Az playing chaperone would be useless.”
— Sarah J. Maas,
“CALVIN:I don't WANNA take a bath!I don't WANNA take a bath! You can't make me!CALVIN (As mom carries him to the tub):Aghh! Leggo! Leggo!!No No No No No No No!Put me down!CALVIN (Now in the tub):I wish I was dead!I hate you all! I hate everything. AARRGGHHH!MOM (Dripping wet. Talking to her husband.):Whenever I hear about people trying to rediscover the "child within," I want to scream.”
— Bill Watterson,
“I was hanging on his back like a monkey... but like in a hot, sexy monkey kind of way."Everyone cringed.”
— Maddox Auheim,
“You are the bestest! We can be friends now.""We weren't before?" I ask."I don't know what kind of friend would try to impale another friend. I mean, the deadly kind of impale, not the sexy kind.”
— Maddox Auheim,
“Cassian slung an arm around Rhys's shoulders. 'Let's go get bloodied up.”
— Sarah J. Maas,
“I have no interest in bedding a male who looks like he's been in a tavern brawl,' she said onto his lips.'We can dim the lights.”
— Sarah J. Maas,
“My imps need no doors, sir, They go where I tell them. Through any crack, be it as narrow as a nun's or wide as your wife's.”
— A.K. Blakemore,
“Cassian said, 'I promise not to bite.'Nesta's upper lip curled back as she faced him. 'I suppose this was your idea-''It was,' he lied with a grin. 'We're going to have a wonderful time together.'They'd likely kill each other.”
— Sarah J. Maas,
“Azriel nodded at her. 'What happened to you?'She knew what he meant: the black eye that was finally fading. Her hands and chin had healed, along with the bruising on her body, but the black eye had turned greenish. By tomorrow morning, it'd be gone entirely. 'Nothing,' she said without looking at Cassian.'She fell down the stairs,' Cassian said, not looking at her, either.Azriel's silence was pointed before he asked, 'Did someone... push you?''Asshole,' Cassian growled.Nesta lifted her eyes from her plate enough to note the amusement in Azriel's gaze, even though no smile graced his sensuous mouth.Cassian went on, 'I told her earlier today: if she'd bother to train, she'd at least have bragging rights for the bruises.”
— Sarah J. Maas,
“Mom and Dad could've done it," he said. "They were grown-ups. We're just . . . tall children.”
— Grady Hendrix,
“Be on your guard.''You sound like you're afraid of her.''I am.'Cassian blinked.Rhys lifted a brow. 'Why do you think I sent you to get her this morning?'Cassian shook his head, unable to help his laugh.”
— Sarah J. Maas,
“You need to get out in the practice ring more, brother,' Cassian told him, surveying his friend's powerful body. 'Don't want that mate of yours to find any soft bits.''She never finds any soft bits when I'm around her,' Rhys said, and Cassian laughed again.'Is Feyre going to kick your ass for what you said earlier?''I already told the servants to clear out for the rest of the day as soon as you take Nesta up to the House.''I think the servants hear you fighting plenty.' Indeed, Feyre had no hesitation when it came to telling Rhys that he'd stepped out of line.Rhys threw him a wicked smile. 'It's not the fighting I don't want them hearing.'Cassian grinned right back, even as something like jealousy tugged on his gut. He didn't begrudge them their happiness- not at all. There were plenty of times when he'd seen the joy on Rhys's face and have to walk away to keep from weeping, because his brother had waited for that love, earned it. Rhys had gone to the mat again and again to fight for that future with Feyre. For this.But sometimes, Cassian saw that mating ring, and the portrait behind the desk, and this house, and just... wanted.The clock chimed ten thirty, and Cassian rose. 'Enjoy your not-fighting.”
— Sarah J. Maas,
“You'll be staying in your old room.'As if she had any sort of claim on this place. On anywhere at all.He went on, 'My room's a level above that.''Why would I need to know that?' The words snapped out of her.He began walking toward the glass doors that led into the mountain's interior. 'In case you have a bad dream and need someone to read you a story,' he drawled, a half smile dancing on his face. 'Maybe one of those smutty books you like so much.”
— Sarah J. Maas,
“You have five minutes until we leave.'Nesta managed to step away. 'You're a brute.'He winked. 'Born and raised.'...'Don't ever put your hands on me again.''Noted.' His eyes still blazed.Her fingers curled once more. She selected her next words like throwing knives. 'If you think this training nonsense is going to result in your climbing into my bed, you're delusional.' She added with a slice of a smile. 'I'd rather let in a mangy street dog.''Oh, it's not going to result in me climbing into your bed.'Nesta snickered, victory achieved, and had reached the stairs when he crooned, 'You'll climb into mine.'She whirled toward him, foot still suspended midair. 'I'd rather not.'Cassian threw her a mocking smile. 'We'll see.'She fumbled for more of those sharp-edged words, for a sneer or a snarl, or anything, but his smile grew. 'You have three minutes to get ready now.”
— Sarah J. Maas,
“What's her business here?'Nesta gave him a secretive smile. 'Witchcraft.'She could have sworn Cassian muttered a plea to the Mother before he cut in.”
— Sarah J. Maas,
“It was nice to meet you, Nesta. Feyre speaks highly of you.Nesta turned away. 'No one likes a liar, Priestess.'She could have sworn a breath of amusement fluttered from beneath the female's hood.”
— Sarah J. Maas,
“A plate of food appeared, dumped unceremoniously onto the place mat. Even the House hated her.Nesta scowled at the red-stoned room. 'Wine.'None appeared. She lifted the glass before her. 'Wine.'Nothing. She tapped her nails on the table's smooth surface. 'Were you told to not give me wine?'Talking to a house: a new low.But as if in answer, the glass filled with water.Nesta snarled toward the open archway at her back. 'Funny.'...Nesta stood and aimed for the doorway. 'Keep your wine. I'll get my own.”
— Sarah J. Maas,
“Whatever it is you're doing, whatever it is you're looking into, I want in.''Why? And no.”
— Sarah J. Maas,
“So he'd waited. Counted the minutes.It had been worth it.Seeing her claw her way onto the landing, panting, hair curling with the sweat sliding down her face- completely worth his generally shit day.Nesta was still sprawled on the hall floor when she hissed, 'Whoever designed those stairs was a monster.''Would you believe that Rhys, Az, and I had to climb up and down them as punishment when we were boys?'Her eyes shimmered with temper- good. Better than the vacant ice.'Why?''Because we were young and stupid and testing boundaries with a High Lord who didn't understand practical jokes regarding public nudity.' He nodded toward the stairs. 'I got so dizzy on the hike down that I puked on Az. he then puked on Rhys, and Rhys puked all over himself. It was the height of summer, and by the time we made the trek back up, the heat was unbearable, we all reeked, and the scent of the vomit on the stairs had become horrific. We all puked again as we walked through it.'He could have sworn the corners of her mouth were trying to twitch upward.He didn't hold back his own grin at the memory. Even if they'd still had to hike back down and mop it all up.”
— Sarah J. Maas,
“Cassian asked, 'What stair did you make it to?''One hundred eleven.' Nesta didn't rise.'Pathetic.'Her fingers pushed into the floor, but her body didn't move. 'This stupid House wouldn't give me wine.''I figured that would be the only motivator to make you risk ten thousand stairs.'Her fingers dug into the stone floor once more.He threw her a crooked smile, glad for the distraction. 'You can't get up, can you?'Her arms strained, elbows buckling. 'Go fly into a boulder.'Cassian pushed off the wall and reached her in three strides. He wrapped his hands under her arms and hauled her up.She scowled at him the entire time. Glared at him some more when she swayed and he gripped her tighter, keeping her upright.'I knew you were out of shape,' he observed, stepping away when she'd proved she wasn't about to collapse, 'but a hundred steps? Really?''Two hundred, counting the ones up,' she grumbled.'Still pathetic.'She straightened her spine and raised her chin.Keep reaching out your hand.Cassian shrugged, turning toward the hall and the stairwell that would take him up to his rooms. 'If you get tired of being weak as a mewling kitten, come to training.' He glanced over a shoulder. Nesta still panted, her face flushed and furious. 'And participate.”
— Sarah J. Maas,
“Training is fantastic. Absolutely riveting.'Azriel's mouth curled up at the corner. 'I hope you're not giving my brother a hard time.'She set down her teacup. 'Is that a threat, Shadowsinger?'Cassian took a long drink from his own tea. Drained it to the dregs. Azriel said coolly, 'I don't need to resort to threats.' 'The shadows curled around him, snakes ready to strike.Nesta gave him a smile, holding his stare. 'Neither do I.”
— Sarah J. Maas,
“I want to train with him instead.'She could have sworn Cassian went still. Interesting.Azriel coughed into his tea.Cassian drummed his fingers on the table. 'I think you'll find that Az is even less forgiving that I am.''With that pretty face?' she crooned. 'I have a hard time believing that.'Azriel ducked his head, focusing on his food.'You want to train with Az,' Cassian said tightly. 'then go ahead.' He appeared thoughtful for a moment, his eyes lighting before he added, 'Though I doubt that you'll survive a lesson with him, when you can't manage to walk down a hundred stairs without being so sore the next morning that you're unable to get out of your chair.”
— Sarah J. Maas,
“Doesn't count when you use your hands to do most of the work.'Nesta schooled her face into utter disdain, even as a hiss rose inside her. 'I bet that isn't what you've been telling yourself at night.'Azriel's shoulders shook with silent laughter as Cassian set down his fork, his eyes gleaming with challenge.Cassian's voice dropped an octave. 'Is that what those smutty books teach you? That it's only at night?'It took a heartbeat for the words to settle. And she couldn't stop it, the heat that sprang to her face, her glance at his powerful hands. Even with Azriel now biting his lip to keep from laughing, she couldn't stop herself.Cassian said with a wicked smile, 'It could be anytime- dawn's first light, or when I'm bathing, or even after a long, hard day of practice.'She didn't miss the slight emphasis he put on long, hard.Nesta couldn't stop her toes from curling in her boots. But she said with a silent smile, striding for the doorway, refusing to let one bit of the discomfort in her sore legs show, 'Sounds like you have a lot of time on your hands, Cassian.”
— Sarah J. Maas,
“You two need a chaperone up here?'Yes. No. Yes. 'I thought you were the chaperone.'Az threw him a wicked smile. 'I'm not entirely sure I'm enough.'Cassian flipped him off.”
— Sarah J. Maas,
“The same bowl of pork-and-bean soup appeared on the table.She peered at the distant ceiling. 'I said I'm not hungry.'A spoon appeared alongside the bowl. And a napkin.'This is absolutely none of your business.'A glass of water thudded down next to the soup.Nesta crossed her arms, leaning back in the chair.”
— Sarah J. Maas,
“She'd already conversed with one stranger today, fulfilling her quota for basic decency. Being kind to a second one was beyond her.”
— Sarah J. Maas,
“Nesta ate until she couldn't fit another morsel into her body, helping herself to thirds of the soup. The House seemed more than happy to oblige her, and had even offered her a slice of double-chocolate cake to finish.'Is this Cassian-approved?' She picked up the fork and smiled at the moist, gleaming cake.'It certainly isn't,' he said from the doorway, and Nesta whirled, scowling. He nodded toward the cake. 'But eat up.'She put down the fork. 'What do you want?'Cassian surveyed the family library. 'Why are you eating in here?''Isn't it obvious?'His grin was a slash of white. 'The only thing that's obvious is that you're talking to yourself.''I'm talking to the House. Which is a considerable step up from talking to you.''It doesn't talk back.''Exactly.'He snorted. 'I walked into that one.' He stalked across the room, eyeing the cake she still didn't touch. 'Are you really... talking to the House?''Don't you talk to it?''No.''It listens to me,' she insisted. 'Of course it does. It's enchanted.''It even brought food down to the library unasked.'His brows rose. 'Why?''I don't know how your faerie magic works.''Did you... do anything to make it act that way?''If you're taking a page from Devlon's book and asking if I did any witchcraft, the answer is no.'Cassian chuckled. 'That's not what I meant, but fine. The House likes you. Congratulations.' She growled, and he leaned over to pick up the fork. She went stiff at his closeness, but he said nothing as he took a bite of the cake. He let out a hum of pleasure that traveled along her bones. And then took another bite.'That's supposed to be mine,' she groused, peering up at him as he continued to eat.'Then take it from me,' he said.”
— Sarah J. Maas,