It’s more important that the student understand the teacher than that the teacher understand the student, though both are important. I have often seen less believable people (students) insist that the more believable people (teachers) understand their thinking and prove why the teacher is wrong before listening to what the teacher (the more believable party) has to say. That’s backward. While untangling the student’s thinking can be helpful, it is typically difficult and time-consuming and puts the emphasis on what the student sees instead of on what the teacher wants to convey. For that reason, our protocol is for the student to be open-minded first. Once the student has taken in what the teacher has to offer, both student and teacher will be better prepared to untangle and explore the student’s perspective. It is also more time-efficient to get in sync this way, which leads to the next principle.
Recognize that while everyone has the right and responsibility to try to make sense of important things, they must do so with humility and radical open-mindedness. When you are less believable, start by taking on the role of a student in a student-teacher relationship, with appropriate humility and open-mindedness. While it is not necessarily you who doesn’t understand, you must assume this until you have seen the issue through the other’s eyes. If the issue still doesn’t make sense to you and you think that your teacher just doesn’t get it, appeal to other believable people. If you still can’t reach an agreement, assume you are wrong. If, on the other hand, you are able to convince a number of believable people of your point of view, then you should make sure your thinking is heard and considered by the person deciding, probably with the help of the other believable parties. Remember that those who are higher in the reporting hierarchy have more people they are trying to sort through on an expected value basis to get the best thinking and more people who want to tell them what they think, so they are time-constrained and have to play the probabilities. If your thinking has been stress-tested by other believable people who support you, it has a greater probability of being heard. Conversely, those higher in the reporting hierarchy must strive to achieve the goal of getting in sync with those lower in the hierarchy about what makes sense. The more people get in sync about what makes sense, the more capable and committed people will be.
Understand how people came by their opinions.
Our brains work like computers: They input data and process it in accordance with their wiring and programming. Any opinion you have is made up of these two things: the data and your processing or reasoning. When someone says, “I believe X,” ask them: What data are you looking at? What reasoning are you using to draw your conclusion?
Dealing with raw opinions will get you and everyone else confused; understanding where they come from will help you get to the truth.
If you ask someone a question, they will probably give you an answer, so think through to whom you should address your questions. I regularly see people ask totally uninformed or nonbelievable people questions and get answers that they believe. This is often worse than having no answers at all. Don’t make that mistake. You need to think through who the right people are. If you’re in doubt about someone’s believability, find out.
The same is true for you: If someone asks you a question, think first whether you’re the right person to answer it. If you’re not believable, you probably shouldn’t have an opinion about what they’re asking, let alone share it.
Be sure to direct your comments or questions to the believable Responsible Party or Parties for the issues you want to discuss. Feel free to include others if you think that their input is relevant, while recognizing that the decision will ultimately rest with whoever is responsible for it.
Having everyone randomly probe everyone else is an unproductive waste of time. For heaven’s sake don’t bother directing your questions to people who aren’t responsible or, worse still, throw your questions out there without directing them at all.
Beware of statements that begin with “I think that...” Just because someone thinks something doesn’t mean it’s true. Be especially skeptical of statements that begin with “I think that I...” since most people can’t accurately assess themselves.